#and Miri is still 5 years old in my heart

[btwn2lungs]

i keep seeing posts saying “goodbye!” and “this was a lot of fun!” where are you going??? we need to sit in this shit for at least 6 more months!

pull out your art supplies and keyboards because it’s not over yet!

[skeletonpunching]

Buddy Daddies interview with Kino Hina

Interview with Kino Hina (voice actor for Unasaka Miri)

Interviewer: When you first saw the character design, description, and other information about Unasaka Miri, what impression did you have?

Kino: The first time I received and read the script for episode 1 was at the audition. In the script, a 4-year-old girl turned up in the middle of an intense gunfight - I remember it was quite the shocking encounter. As for the character design, it ranged from a natural smiling face to more comical looks; I thought it was very expressive. "I might have to give a more exaggerated performance, if I'm going to live up to these faces...!" I thought, and let my imagination run away with me.

Interviewer: Now that you've actually acted as Miri, what do you think makes her appealing and interesting?

Kino: Plenty of people with actual parenting experience were involved in the series production, and so Miri's speech and behaviour are very close to those of a real child. Everyone is continuously at the mercy of her unpredictable actions and dialogue, and I think that's her charm. They all get jerked around big-time! But the way she's so straightforward and earnest about everything makes it endearing. I really enjoyed giving such a free and unrestrained performance!

Interviewer: Miri is the only source of solace in this hard-boiled world, and singlehandedly brings all the coziness to the series. When acting as her, was there anything you kept in mind?

Kino: Ever since the audition, I was directed to give a realistic portrayal, without the sort of theatrical exaggeration that is usually used when playing a small child. I was very conscious of this the whole time I was acting. And so, in the recording sessions, I constantly aimed to let the words slip out without thinking about them, but it was really difficult. During the practice takes, I figured that since she was a child, I would try letting the emotions run wild without worrying about my volume, but I was directed to cut back on that a little. The series alternates between serious scenes and cozy scenes, and I recorded almost all my scenes together with Toyonaga-san and Uchiyama-san; their acting really drew me in and made every scene a delight to perform.

Interviewer: Please tell us your impressions of Kurusu Kazuki and Suwa Rei, and what you find appealing about each of them. 

Kino: Kazuki is a cheerful man of the world. But deep in his heart, he also harbours lingering scars from his past, and so he's a character who flees from love. Rei lacks energy and doesn't really know how to smile, but he's a highly skilled assassin; due to his childhood and upbringing, he's a character who still doesn't know what love is. I really love those scenes where they're talking not as assassins, and not in front of Miri - those occasional conversations where you can glimpse both of their true selves. The "I won't ask" "I wouldn't tell" scene, and the "For three…?" "For three" scene - those scenes so meticulously show their emotional development and growth as the story progresses. They're a must-see.

Interviewer: From the episodes that have aired so far, are there any scenes that left an impression on you, or that you're especially fond of?

Kino: The episode 1 scene where Kazuki becomes Papa Kazuki - "I'm your papa!" - and the episode 3 scene where Rei becomes Papa Rei - "I am... her papa." - were both incredibly memorable. When we were recording the lines for both of those scenes, actually hearing those words was much more impactful than I'd imagined. I felt myself getting goosebumps from sheer joy. My favourite scene is from episode 5, when Miri and Kyu-chan (Kugi Kyutaro) split into one group, and Kazuki and Rei into another. Kyu-chan has been shrouded in mystery until that point, but he unexpectedly ends up watching over Miri, and when she asks about their jobs, Kyu-chan tells her in his usual tone that Kazuki and Rei are a comedian and an oil baron. Those fake jobs are so unexpected, it really lightens the mood. And I love the scenes where Kazuki is in a tricky situation and getting even more worked-up than usual; I always giggle to myself when watching them. Oh, and I also adore the scenes where Rei makes his deadpan quips; when we were recording, there were so many times I had to hold in my laughter, thinking, "That's how you're delivering it?! Brilliant!"

Interviewer: Please tell us what you think are the selling points of this series "Buddy Daddies".

Kino: The interactions at the government office, the conversations when preparing to enrol in daycare, Miri throwing a tantrum and yelling "I'm boooored~!" as she kicks the car seat - all those are realistic elements that aren't featured in other stories. But at the same time, there are plenty of heavily fictional aspects; the fact that you can enjoy both these things makes it a very captivating series. The story blends realism, comedy, and serious drama, and moves along at a fast pace; I feel like every episode goes by in the blink of an eye. Besides Kazuki, Rei, and Miri, the other characters are really charming, and will be important in future. There are many characters I'd like you to look out for, but personally, I love Anna-sensei and Miri's friends, so I hope you enjoy what happens at the daycare!

Interviewer: Finally, please give a message to everyone who is enjoying this series.

Kino: Thank you so much for watching "Buddy Daddies"! No matter whether watching it makes you nostalgic for your own childhood days, or you're currently raising a child, or you're thinking your own parents must have had a really tough time. I think this is a series that can be enjoyed by a wide variety of people, all with their own different perspectives. Acting as Miri has brought up a lot of events from my own childhood that I'd totally forgotten. Since it's an original series, there's no way to know what will unfold from now on; please do keep watching to the end!

[snapdragon-mina]

Midnight Sun

a/n: @uliscribbles HI ULI I'M YOUR SECRET SANTA 🎅🏾🎅🏾🎅🏾. I really hope you like this and I hope I did this fic justice,,, I'm still super thankful for what you did for me and I still have absolutely no idea how to repay you, so this'll have to do for now ✨. Enjoy!! 💞

Warnings: a couple f bombs, a smidge of harassment for like a second, and that's about it!

Word Count: 1.2k

Being born into royalty has its perks. You gain the ability to get almost anything your heart desires. Growing up, Y/n always had this ability. Being the first born in a kingdom notorious for having gifted rulers, everything except for your soulmate was gifted to you on a silver platter. 

Waking up just after sunrise, you were greeted by your head servant. "Your Highness, we have quite the day ahead of us." She spoke, already helping you out of bed. 

"Yeah, yeah. It's way too early. Please remind me why I had to wake up *right* after the sun?" You yawned and stretched, heading towards the bathroom where the bath was already drawn. Various different scented soaps and oils littered the bathtub.

"We have a lot to do. We need to maximize our time!"

"Mhm... Run me through the schedule." 

Multiple servants were in the bathroom helping you out. One held your hair up and out of the way as you took your bath and finished up. "As you wish, your highness! First off we have breakfast with the queen and king, after that you have to attend the knighting ceremony." 

"Is that all?" 

"I'm afraid not, the ceremony is followed by a ball to celebrate the new knights. As you know, the ball will last until sunrise. Then, you'll be allowed to sleep in again." 

You looked over at her in a way that just screamed "are you fucking kidding me?" She got the memo and laughed nervously. "I'm terribly sorry about this, your highness, but these are the king's wishes." 

"Yeah yeah. Whatever. Help me get dressed please." 

"As you wish!"

You'd gotten dressed and had the ever so pleasant breakfast with your uncomfortably stuck up parents. All that was left at the moment was the ceremony and ball. These were always boring. You'd never managed to find any sort of enjoyment during these events due to the knights all being as equally serious as your parents. 

You stood behind your mother as she recited the same questions to each knight and gave them their "knighthood". This process went on for over an hour until the final knight appeared. Now this one caught your attention. His hair was the same color as the sun with eyes as blue as the ocean. While the other knights stood with terrifying poker faces, this one had an easygoing smile and extremely kind eyes. 

Your mother recited the questions and he all but answered enthusiastically. After she finished and he was officially dubbed a knight, his gaze landed on you for a brief moment, resulting in the small bit of eye contact the universe needed to send a sharp pain to your wrist. 

Your eyes widened in the slightest as you realized precisely what that feeling meant. Subtly, you turned your arm to where your wrist faced you. There, as you expected, was the symbol of a soul match. A silver rose, etched right there. 

You glanced back over at the knight, and noticed him smiling at you excitedly. It was like looking at an excited puppy. You smiled back at him.

You hadn't seen that knight since the ceremony and the ball had started a little under two hours ago. You obviously searched for him but you'd always get roped into talking to some random prince that wished to court you for power. 

"Excuse me, your highness, but I couldn't help notice how amazing you look." One of them purred, grabbing your wrist as you tried to walk off. 

"Yeah whatever. Let me go, I have something to do." 

"What could be more important than talking to a potential mate? I mean, our parents are talking to each other, gorgeous." His voice was like poisoned honey. It was sweet but you weren't stupid. 

"Do me a favor and kindly fuck off. I'm busy." You hissed, startling him. Unfortunately, that only pissed him off. Before either of you could say anything, the knight from earlier had appeared in front of you. It was liked he'd fallen into your lap. 

"Hello, your Highness. Is he bothering you?" He asked. One hand resting on the hilt of his sword as he smiled down at the prince. This smile wasn't like the one from earlier, this one held… sinister undertones. Thankfully, he shook his head and quickly rushed off. 

He turned to you and bowed. "I know you had it under control, your highness, but I couldn't resist. I'm Mirio Togata." 

"I appreciate the help, Sir Mirio. But I really didn't need it." Despite your tone accidentally coming off harshly, he just smiled at you softly. 

"Oh I'm well aware, it looked like things were gonna get pretty brutal if he kept it up. That's a nasty glare you have there, your highness." He offered his arm to you.

You laughed a little and accepted it, leaving the crowded ballroom and heading toward the gardens. 

"So you're the soulmate I never thought I'd meet." You spoke once you both were further away from the ballroom. 

"Yep! Something told me that a major event -outside of being knighted- was going to happen to me today… even if you weren't my soulmate, just being able to see you in person would've been enough for me." He smiled, watching as butterflies fluttered around the flowers. 

You rolled your eyes playfully at the statement. "You're too nice. Thank you, Mirio."

"Anything for you, y/n." 

Two years after that initial meeting, you and Mirio only grew closer to each other. He showered you with compliments weekly, dedicating an entire weekday to just, absolutely showering you with adoration.

Your parents were your biggest concern, but surprisingly, they weren't as strict as you'd thought. Your father was content with you having someone strong and your mother knew Mirio's intentions were pure, so she trusted your judgement. 

When the time came for you to become the next ruler, it was winter. 

Snow covered the ground and snowflakes were still falling as you walked through the gardens with Mirio one last time before you were crowned. 

"Have I ever mentioned how amazing you look in the snow?" 

"Miri, you do everytime it snows." 

"Good. Because you look amazing! Oh, speaking of snow, your favorite animal is a rabbit, right?" Not knowing where this was going, you hesitated before nodding. He smiled wide and picked you up bridal style, running off in a seemingly random direction. You held onto his neck for dear life, squealing at how sudden it was. 

In a few seconds, the two of you reached the castle stable and he allowed you to stand on your own again. 

"Miri, what are you-" He cut you off with a finger to his lips and a wink. You rolled your eyes but waited patiently. Mirio made vague hand gestures to the people taking care of the animals and they nodded. 

5 minutes passed and eventually, Mirio was handed a cage. He smiled and presented you with said cage. "This is one of the newborns. She's old enough to be away from her mother, but it'd be great if you could let her visit every so often."

"I… I don't even know what to say…" 

He looked a little worried, but it went away as quickly as it came when you kissed him. 

"I'll take that as a "you liked it" Then?" He laughed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

"Of course I like it. Thank you, Mirio. I love you so much." 

"I love you even more, sunshine. Now let's get you back to your room before a certain worker of yours takes my head." He laughed, leading you back towards the palace with your new pet.

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

Shackled Ch 9

Summary: After nearly ten years, Sam Winchester calls Miriam Bard to collect on a life debt. Unfortunately for Miriam, Sam leaves out a few important details.

WARNINGS CHANGE EACH CHAPTER, PLEASE CHECK EACH TIME. 

Warning: Show level violence, implied loss of family, grieving, depression, spiraling, cursing, Demon!Dean, emotional manipulation, mind fuckery, psychological manipulation, questioning one’s sanity, emotional exhaustion, depression, blood, consuming blood, sexual content, biting, mental/emotional/psychological abuse, pushing another to commit suicide, mental anguish.

Word Count: 2678

Author’s Note: Eternal thanks to @cracksinthewalls​ for edits, suggestions, and all the flails. This chapter was the first picture I had in my head of this story, so extra thanks to @thoughtslikeaminefield​ for urging me to actually write it out; wouldn’t have this story without you. Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY. . 

In case you missed it:  Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 Masterlist

Chapter 9

After the emotional train wreck of the morning, Miriam’s body screamed for a nap, sleep, any respite from consciousness, but she stubbornly fixed her second pot of coffee for the day. Sure, it didn't actually work for the kids in the Freddy Krueger movies, but they’d been trying to stay up for days and days. She just needed to make it until Sam got back tonight.

Hopefully.

A very bracing cold shower helped sweep a few more cobwebs from the corners of her brain. After she’d gone through her gear and figured out the laundry situation, though, she couldn’t think of any further excuses to avoid the demonic elephant in the bunker.

Just saving my sanity and soul, she thought bitterly. That’s all.

Miriam brought a chair with her this time, thinking it would at least be more comfortable than sitting on the floor. She’d briefly considered bringing one of the thick volumes from the library, but she knew better than to think the demon would actually give her peace enough to read. 

He greeted her with wary silence, his human eyes suspicious and watchful. She dropped into the chair and faced Dean, determined not to show any of the anxiety that clawed her insides. 

She stayed back, well clear of the devil’s trap, though she didn’t know how much good that would do. If he could project himself into her dreams outside the room, could he read her thoughts outside of the circle, as well?

She crossed her arms, leaning back and studying his face silently. She’d be lying if she said he hadn’t aged well. She’d been so distraught about Aaron’s close call the first time she’d met the Winchesters that she hadn’t truly noticed just how pretty Dean had been. Seeing those old pictures of him had shown her current self exactly what her younger self had been too distracted to notice.

Now, though. God, it was like someone had hand-picked each of his features and thought, How could this get any better?

She shook her head at her traitorous thoughts, snorting derisively. 

“It’s rude to stare, y’know. Whatcha been up to, Miri?”

Her eye twitched at his use of her nickname; only Aaron had ever been allowed to call her that. Of course, Dean noted her reaction, probably filed it away for further use. He took in her defensive posture and uneasy silence, and he grinned.

“Heard from Sam? What’s the hold-up? Couldn’t find a padre to do the blessing? Couldn’t get enough blood?”

A half-dozen questions popped into Miriam’s head, but she didn’t take his bait. After all, even if she did ask him, she had no way to gauge if he would tell her the truth.

“I’ve never lied to you,” Dean said. She scoffed, and he had the audacity to appear offended.

“You don’t get to play mindfuck and then claim innocence,” Miriam said. Her headache returned with a vengeance, and suddenly it was all she could do to stay awake. She knew she couldn’t stand up to a mental sparring match with him, but apparently she didn’t have the simple common sense to not engage in the first place.

“Never claimed to be innocent, Miri. Just said I never lied. I would love to eat you up, and if I get the chance, I’ll gladly show you how that little torture scenario earlier should have gone.”

“Yeah, well, Sam will be back tonight, so don’t count on that chance, princess,” she shot back. 

Dean ignored her insult. “Lotta hours between then and now. How you wanna fill ‘em?”

“Not listening to you,” she muttered, and just like that she was finished. She stood, done with sentry duty, and turned her back on Dean. He was still bound, he didn’t actually need anything from her, and there was no point sitting around letting him needle her until he got even further under skin.

“You’re worse than a bad tattoo,” she said, then immediately wished she hadn't spoken. Ten minutes in a room with him, and her self-control evaporated. 

“Still running that mouth, huh? When are you gonna learn your lesson, Miri? You don’t have any more brothers to lose.”

She stiffened, hands digging into the top of the chair. She heard the pinching noise of her fingernails cutting into the leather, but upholstery was the last thing on her mind. 

“Don’t,” she spit out, not sure if she was telling herself or the demon.

“Sam and I never should have stopped that witch. You might have learned your lesson a long time ago, saved everyone years of trouble.”

A fury began to build in the back of her mind, hotter than any she’d felt before. Miriam had been to the depths of so many emotions in her life: the limitless if irritated love for her brother, the fierce pride of her first successful hunt, the guilt and despair of losing Aaron, the confusion and aimlessness of the last year without him.

But never in her life had Miriam felt anything as terrible and all-consuming as this rage.

“Y’know what, I’ve got a pesky little brother problem I need solved. You seem to be pretty skilled in that area; help a demon out?”

Anything else Dean was about to say was cut off by Miriam’s fist colliding with his jaw. The demon’s head snapped to the side, and he remained in that position as Miriam glared down at him, hands at the ready. Her chest heaved with the effort of holding back.

And then she saw the bastard’s shoulders shaking; he was laughing at her. He turned his head, licking the blood from his split lip, his grin wide and infuriatingly smug. She didn’t even realize she’d hit him again until her fist began to sting. There was roaring in her ears, and blood streamed from the demon’s nose.

And still he laughed.

She screamed, her words lost in a storm of wrath, her only thought that she had to end him now. Her vision blurred as she hit him again and again, the pounding in her brain reaching a maelstrom. And then, suddenly, everything shrank down to a tiny pinpoint in the universe, the two of them caught in the eye of the storm, the hunter and the darkness, everything else shut out.

“Do it, sweetheart.”

Miriam was bent over Dean, one foot planted on the floor, her other knee pressed hard into his chest, the hair at the back of his head clenched in her fist. She'd dragged his head back, exposing the thick column of his neck, and she pressed the demon blade against his Adam’s apple just shy of splitting the skin.

“Atta girl,” he said. His smile was knowing now, his voice the embodiment of calm as he pressed his neck against the blade. A thread of crimson appeared where metal touched his skin, and her fury wavered. “Go ahead and betray Sam’s trust. Isn't that what you do with brothers? Kill ‘em, betray ‘em, but either way you let ‘em down, right?”

Blood trickled down Dean’s throat, and Miriam’s frenetic heartbeat began to slow as her eyes tracked its path. 

“Miri.”

Obsidian eyes caught her gaze; Dean’s expression was serene. As she watched, the bruises and cuts on began to close up, leaving behind threads and smears of blood without sources. He leaned towards her until their faces were inches apart, and she relented with the knife until it rested in her numb fingers against his collarbone.

“Use your words, Miriam. Tell me what you want.”

The dream reverberated in her abruptly still mind, and she nearly dropped the blade. He stared her down, lips drawn, canines bared.

“Make a fucking decision,” he said, and though his voice was soft, velveted, it carried easily around the room. “Say it, Miriam. Say what you want.”

I don’t want this, her mind echoed, but it was a lie now, just as it had been in the dream. She wanted to forget, to lose herself in something besides the pain.

I want him, she thought.

She dropped the knife. 

The demon blade fell, struck the toe of Dean’s boot, and spun away across the floor. Her splayed fingers clutched the material of his shirt as her head swam. She lowered her knee from his chest, sliding it down until it wedged into the space between his hip and the arm of the chair.

Her breath came in fits and stops, harsh and ragged against the frantic pounding of her heart. Dean lifted an eyebrow in challenge, his only reaction as she swung her other leg up to straddle him. 

She tightened her grip on the collar of his shirt for balance and leverage to yank him close enough to bring their lips together. She closed her mouth over the freshly healed cut and bit down hard as she sank fully onto his lap. She felt the vibration of Dean’s growl in her chest.

When she finally pulled away, the salty, iron tang of his blood coated her tongue. His lips curled up on one side, and he slumped a little in the confines of his chair, sliding down and spreading his thighs further apart beneath her.

“Sure as hell hope you fuck like you kiss.”

The air had taken on a surreal, shimmering quality, and Miriam had no idea if she was awake or asleep anymore. She moved with slow deliberation, feeling as if she was underwater.

Drowning, she thought briefly as she threaded her fingers into Dean’s hair and kissed him again. Her tongue swept across his, and he flexed his thighs beneath her. A sharp hunger lanced straight to the pit of her stomach.

“Lose your clothes.”

At any other time, Miriam would have balked at the orders, at the sheer arrogance of his words and tone, but she didn’t want to care, didn’t want to think or decide.

She simply stood and did as she was told.

“Let me loose.”

Even in her dazed state, she didn’t dare set Dean free from his bonds, not that she had any way of opening the handcuffs. Instead, she dropped to her knees and worked on his belt and jeans, loosening and opening until he was as bare to her as he could get.

He caught and held her gaze for a long, silent moment, the air muffled and thick around them. Apparently satisfied with what he read on her face, he nodded and wet his lips slowly with the tip of his tongue.

“Come here,” he said with all the command of a king on his throne. And she did.

His fingers rippled against the arms of his chair, his eyes heavy-lidded as she sank onto the length of him. Every muscle in her belly was tense and heavy, and her walls clenched around him. He exhaled sharply, head going back for just a moment before he leaned forward, locking her in place with the force of his midnight gaze.

“Again,” he said. And she did.

She rode him slowly at first, still warring with herself deep inside. This broke with everything she’d ever been taught as a hunter, everything she’d ever believed. But hadn’t she lost everything that mattered to her because she followed those lessons, those beliefs? 

She had paid for this freedom in blood, both hers and Aaron’s. She didn’t deserve this; she had goddamn earned it.

She looked into the eyes of the demon before her, bottomless wells of oblivion. There was no hesitation, no regret or worry or doubt. His features were awash with simple, carnal pleasure, a hunger that pulled her deeper, beckoned her to take the plunge and lose herself once and for all.

“Take what you want,” Dean said. His voice was low, rough, and it rasped down her spine. She sucked in a breath, rolling her hips, and he bared his teeth in a feral snarl. Her head dropped, their foreheads pressed together as she moved against him. Her nails dug into the back of his neck as the storm within her built to a crescendo.

Jump, she thought, just let go and jump. End this, end the pain.

“Get out of your head,” he growled, the tendons of his neck hard and strained beneath her fingers. A shock of unmitigated lust spiraled out from Miriam’s belly, flaring through every nerve in her body. Her back arched as she let out a hoarse gasp, her hands clawing at his shoulders.

“Stop thinking, stop caring, and just fucking take what you want.”

Her teeth sank into the smooth, taut column of his throat. Darkness exploded through her vision as the storm peaked. A harsh, guttural groan worked its way out of the demon’s throat as he shuddered within her, his curses reverberating in the very marrow of her bones. She rose and fell a final time before shattering around him.

…

“So, what now? Whatcha gonna do with all that newfound freedom and...what do the kids call it these days? Self-awareness?”

She ignored Dean, focusing on dressing herself as quickly as possible. She’d cleaned Dean up after they finished, feeling clumsy and detached from her body, and he’d been uncharacteristically silent as he watched her.

Her emotions seemed to have short-circuited somewhere in the middle of the chaos. She should feel ashamed, terrified, appalled by what she’d done. She should feel any number of negative, repulsed emotions, and instead, she felt more lost than ever.

What did she want now? Aaron was still gone. She was still alone. She had no desire to hunt. Or really do much of anything. Except…

“I’m all for another round, sweetheart. Maybe if you scratch that itch another time or two, you’ll actually figure out how to make that freedom permanent.”

“What do you…” Miriam trailed off, icy tendrils shame and dread creeping up her spine.

“Don’t tell me you thought a big, strong man was gonna solve all your problems.” He laughed, and acid washed through her stomach. “Sweetheart, I’m a demon: guilt-free zone over here. You want free of all that human emotional bullshit for good?”

His smile was hard, predatory, and she swallowed against the knot of alarm that tightened her throat.

“We’re hunters. You know how this works: you want free of all the complications that come with that soul, you got two ways out. Let me go, we make a deal, I take care of all those pesky emotions of yours.”

He waited as the weight of his words sank into her before casually adding, “Or you could just go take care of the problem yourself like a big girl. Save us all a lot of trouble. What do you say?”

He laughed aloud again at her shocked expression. “What’d you think, that we’d be all cuddles and kisses now that we’ve fucked? You’ve been dancing around me since you got here. Maybe you’re still too much of a coward to say it out loud, but you know what’s pulling you to me. No one plays with demons for fun, Miri.”

The image of a mirror, a seedy motel room, a gun flashed through Miriam’s mind. She throttled down the memory, but it was too fast. He’d seen.

“You're a hunter who can’t hunt anymore. You got your brother killed. You were supposed to guard me, and instead you fuck me. What’s the point of you? You got nothin’ left. You’re useless.”

“I-”

“Look at yourself,” he roared, and she fell back a step at his sudden vehemence. “This here is rock bottom, Miri. You’ve failed at everything else. You gonna fuck this up, too? There’s only one place further down. You want oblivion, you wanna be done with this life?”

She tried to sucked in a breath through paralyzed lungs as she backed away from the demon. Her heart crashed against her ribs, and for the first time she knew what Dean was going to say before the words left his smiling lips.

“You got one way out now. So do everyone a favor and take it.”

…

Chapter 10

[purple-nana]

Barriers

Part 5 - Fluff, a bit of crack

2.3k words   ( Part of the Dorm of us Series)

Warnings: None

A/N: owemji I’m so sorry for the late upload, got a little bit busy these days. But here is part 5, hope you read it in enjoyment! <3

Tension filled the air as Jaemin and Renjun rode their way to their destination. Both of them were anxious even though they have spoken to Haechan a couple weeks back.

Jaemin tries to ease his mind. He wasn’t sure if he was actually ready for this moment, where he will finally get the answers to his endless questions. When he first met Haechan he wanted to bombard him with thousands and hundreds of questions. But the look on Haechan’s face changed his mind and he decided to let things settle in first.

And so, this was the day. He can’t lie that he was nervous but he was also in anticipation of what his long lost friend explanation would be.

Jeno decided not to join them since the three of them agreed to not say a single word about this to you. They thought that you might be startled considering that things are happening quickly.

The other boys were actually surprised that he got Haechan’s number. Why he? wouldn’t he regrets everything that he did in the past. It doesn’t look like it but Jaemin really wants to fix all the scars that it had left them since that night.

Yes, he still feels uncomfortable around him considering that they didn’t really get to talk about it until now. However, if Haechan really did love Miri then he was more than ready to step aside for his best friend.

The two of them arrived at the meeting place, a coffee shop to be exact. Haechan said to meet him there. They went in and the familiar scent of coffee calmed Jaemin’s mind.

They looked around to try and find the brown haired boy but seems to not be there. Jaemin glanced at his wrist watch, his eyes widening.

“Uhm Renjun?” Jaemin anxiously call.

“What?” Renjun replies, annoyed as he keeps turning his head in search of the boy.

“I think Haechan ditched us, look” Jaemin says showing the time to Renjun.

Renjun gasps. His eyebrows furrow at him. Jaemin knows that he was the reason why they were late. He maybe just overslept you know just a tiny itsy bit but not too much.

He chuckled nervously and showed a ‘piece sign’. “ehehhehe sorry.”

Renjun was ready to beat the shit out him, when they heard a voice calling them.

“Guys over here!”

They turned their heads to see Haechan, in a barista outfit. He works here?

Renjun immediately sprinted towards Haechan, while Jaemin follows him behind. They went ahead and sat.

“Good thing you guys arrived just in time, my shift is ending any minute now,” He turns his head towards the counter, “I’ll be back in a sec.” He stands up and went to a ‘employee only’ room.

The two boys stared at him as he disappeared into the room. As soon as he went inside, they immediately laugh their heads off.

“OMG did you see him in that outfit? HAHAHAHAHAHA” Jaemin chortled at the sight of Haechan in a barista outfit.

“Then he goes before blabla ‘I don’t like coffee it disgusts me’ lol“ renjun mimicks Haechan’s words back in high school days, showing Jaemin a disguted vomiting face.

Well, it is actually true that Haechan hated coffee. He literally was disgusted by the mere sight of it. Whenever Jaemin drinks coffee, he would immediately make his distance. A ‘line’ was somehow invented everytime someone in their group drinks coffee. It sucks for him though cause everyone drinks coffee in their group of friends.

There was a time when they forced him to drink a latte and he ended up puking in the toilet for an hour straight. The dorm was so noisy that time since everyone wanted to go number 2 but Haechan refused. He says it was a punishment for letting him drink that disgusting liquid.

The two of them continued guffawing in laughter. Until they heard someone cleared their throat. They looked up to see Haechan with a resting bitch face, he changed his clothes and is now holding a tray with three americanos. His eyes gesturing to the people in the cafe that were giving them weird menacing looks.

They immediately straightened up their postures and gave a small bow to the customers who continued to mind their own businesses.

“I know what you two are talking about.” Haechan takes a seat infront of them and crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow.

“Hey no matter how hard life must have been for you we wouldn’t expect to see you in a cafe with a fucking barista outfit!” Renjun chuckles while Haechan just rolls his eyes.

Jaemin just stares at his two friends in delight. Though he was still nervous about this meet up, it looks like everything will go smoothly. If he was honest, he is actually enjoying his time around him.

“Anyways, let’s start the serious talk now. You guys have questions or what?” Haechan asks.

“Meh, just say what you say then we’ll comment on later.” Renjun says leaning on his chair, ready for a story time.

Haechan took a deep breath and gazed at the two of them intently.

“It all started on that day back in high school...”

“And I escaped, I saved enough money now for me to at least finish the last semester of college. I think I can survive until graduation this year.”

“Ow god, you experienced hard shit bro I’m sorry. We should’ve contacted you sooner.” Renjun looks at Haechan with regretful eyes.

“It’s okay, it was my choice to cut communication with you guys. And I understand if it things will be awkward for a while.”

Renjun nods at Haechan’s remark. Then both of their gazes suddenly went to Jaemin, who was staring at Haechan with serious eyes.

“Um Jaemin?” Haechan asks in confusion.

Jaemin was taken over by his emotions, tears started to form in his eyes. He stood up without notice and went over towards Haechan, immediately giving him a tight hug.

Haechan was startled and didn’t know what he was going to do until he felt his sweatshirt getting soaked up. He slowly pats Jaemin’s head as the boy started to weep.

But then Jaemin unexpectedly lifted Haechan, carrying him in his embrace. Which made the boy startled in return.

“Haechannie I missed you so much I am so sorryy! I don’t know why I beat you up for that bitch I’m so sorryyy.” He buried his head in Haechan’s neck as he continue to shed his tears out.

Haechan’s startled face immediately softened.

“Aw I miss you too buddy and I already forgave you, but please put me down it’s embarrassing.”  Haechan whispers the last part of his sentence.

“I don’t want to.” He says in an cute tone.

Renjun frowns. “He didn’t really changed as you can see, I don’t know how that guy can save you from danger and be an embarrassing piece of shit at the same time.” He shooks his head in disbelief.

Jaemin gave him a deadly glare, still carrying Haechan. Renjun gave him an nervous smile with a matching finger heart. Jaemin returned his gaze to Haechan which unbelievably change within seconds. From a deadly glare to having hearts in his eyes.

Haechan gestured Jaemin to put him down and he finally did but he still clinged to Haechan as if he was an sloth that was clinging on to a tree for dear life.

“You’ll comeback to the dorm won’t you?” Jaemin pleads, giving him his “puppy eyes’ look. Haechan smiled awkwardly at him and turns to face Renjun, giving him a ‘should I say yes?’ look. Renjun chuckles and gave him a nod.

Haechan smiles, it was genuine this time and gave Jaemin a sign of approval. The boy smiles and tightened his arms around him not noticing Haechan was running out of oxygen from how tight his squeeze was.

Haechan pat Jaemin’s arm continuously until he finally let go of him and went back to his seat while Renjun gave him a disgusted face. Of course being the weird person he is, he didn’t bother Renjun and was smiling like he was a psychopath.

“Oh I have one question for you.” Jaemin asks as he remembered. Haechan just hums and drinks his beverage, curious of what his question might be.

“You didn’t really loved Oh Miri did you?”

Haechan almost choked on his drink. “No! Of course not who would like that kind of a person?” He shooks his head as he answers.

Renjun points to Jaemin. “This guy.”

He slapped Renjun’s hand and crossed his arms. “No I didn’t, it was puppy love. I didn’t even know why I beat this guy for that girl. You guys know that I only love-” He stopped his sentence, realizing that he haven’t told the guys well except Jeno, about that matter.

“You only love who?” Haechan teasingly asks.

“Ow are you in love with someone that we don’t know about? Care to share hmm?” Renjun added.

Jaemin abruptly stood up and glanced at his wrist watch.

“No time. Renjun you accompany Haechan to gather his stuff at his apartment.” Jaemin pointed at Renjun.

“What?!” Renjun exclaims in confusion.

“He’s moving in with us today.”

“But-”

“No buts, I’ll see you guys later I gotta go talk to someone. Haechannie can just pick up a couple of items and a few clothes, I’ll manage the rest. Bye bye!.” He explains and then made his way to the exit leaving the two boys in their seats, both bewildered.

Jaemin wanted to spend time with Haechan for the rest of the day as he still wanted to apologize properly. However since he just got things clarified, he needs to talk to the person who is the root of this misunderstanding that has been going on for years.

He dials the number on his phone as he waves his hand to call a cab. Once he got in, the person answered.

“Hello?”

“Hi”

“Oh Jaemin~.”

“Meet me at the park. You have explanations to do, Oh Miri.”

The place that Jaemin had selected for their meet up was quite silent, even though it was also a coffee shop.

The atmosphere was cozy and warm contrasting the cold air that was coming out from the air conditioner. He was reminded of the days back in high school. When you and Jaemin used to go to quiet coffee shops in order to escape the ugly arguments of Renjun and Haechan.

He chuckles to himself. He wonders if it will still be like the good old days now that Haechan has returned. There was only one more thing to resolve.

“Hey Jaemin.”

Jaemin raises his gaze. There she was, Oh Miri. The girl he loved, but why can’t feel anything? Anger? Lust? Love? There was none. His heart is supposed to be beating right now, right? But he feels, empty.

That’s why he’s here, to resolve that one misunderstanding left.

His feelings.

Miri took her seat across Jaemin and gave him a sweet smile.

“So what are going to talk about? Oh, you wanna get back together? Hahahaha I knew you would say-”

“No Miri,” Jaemin cuts her off “I’m not here to get back together with you.” He says, seriousness evident on his words.

Miri’s gleeful smile faded. Her eyebrows met each other as she gave him a confused look.

“What do you mean?” She chuckles sarcastically, “Why would you not get back together with me? I don’t understand?” Miri states in befuddledment.

“Did you even loved one of us?”

“What?”

Jaemin lean towards the table and crossed his arms. “Come on Miri, I know you you have other intentions.”

Miri became silent. Jaemin smiled at her teasingly. He got her flustered, he was right about his assumptions. He leans back to his chair.

“You have nothing to hide now.”

“Okay fine! You’re right I never loved you.”

There she said it. However, he doesn’t feel anything. Has he really lost his feelings? Or is he a robot who doesn’t have a heart now?

He raised his eyebrow. “I know about that. Trust me I know about that” He lies.

“I am curious about Haechan, why did you want decided to marry him all of a sudden? You even left me behind.”

Jaemin saw guilt in her eyes but there was also...sadness?

Miri teared up in which to Jaemin’s surprise.

“Look Jaemin. My parents were having a hard time running our company. I have to marry an heir to a successful company, we didn’t want to be bankrupt .” Tears continue to fall from her eyes.

“I used you, I need to get closer to Haechan so I used you. But that didn’t work, so things went down hill. We have to force him. It wasn’t his fault Jaemin, it was mine I know that. I have to do what my family needs and wants me to do.” That’s when she broke, she kept on sobbing.

Jaemin just stares at her.

He sighs reaching his handkerchief at the back of his pocket and handed it to her. As soon as Miri received the handkerchief, Jaemin immediately stood up. Miri grabbed his hand.

“Wait where are you going?” She asks, her eyes were swollen from her sobbing.

“I’m leaving.”

“But-”

“Nothing will happen now Miri, I understand why you did that but that caused chaos within our friendship. I promise you, if you continue to interfere with our lives, I will not be the only one that will rage war with you.”

Jaemin gave her a last glance before harshly pulling his arm from her grip, he heads out for the door.

Now he understands, everything makes sense now. He looks at the calling card his ex gave him, shredding it to pieces.

Miri was not in his heart. She never was, she was only there to confuse him. Because the person he loved never changed.

After all these years he finally realized.

He laughs at himself for being an idiot. Of course, why didn’t he knew.

You were still the one

His heart still screams for your name, Y/n.

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[probablyjustamagpie]

Chapter 1 is done!

or the first draft at least. Lemme know what you think before I inevitably delete this in embarrassment

I remember flying for the first time. I felt invincible, free from earthly constraints. And then I got a face full of sap-ridden pine needles. 

 Nine years later, and my luck doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Today had started off high, when I managed to snag the last cinnamon roll from under my sister’s nose (she’d already had three, the brat)(come to think of it, how did she even fit that many in her stomach? She’s tiny!), and I spent the afternoon soaring over the garden, feeling much more like myself than like a girl trapped in a castle. Father had even offered to take me into town for a new dress rather than fetching for the tailor.

Then dinner came around. Que me, a magic user, at a table of nobles who would have me sacrificed to the gods in two seconds flat giving the opportunity. All of these social events left me feeling stickier than if I was covered in pine sap. It wasn't as though I could slink away later either, not when the gathered lords and ladies all wanted to marry their sons off to the Imperial Princess. Maybe I didn't even want to marry a man (I do, but that's beside the point here). The aftermath is worse though, with all the dimwitted nobles vying for attention

“My Lady! I haven’t seen you since your brother’s wedding!” An older woman exclaims. Her ridiculously tall beehive updo sparks the slightest recognition, as do her tawny wings, but I’m left at a blank for her name. I spent most of Brenton’s wedding trying not to interact with all the stuffy  nobles who I didn’t recognize. The seven-year-olds Mirin hangs out with at these events are much more fun, even if I am practically 16.

“Oh, yes. Well I don't get out much, after all. Plenty to do here. At the palace, with my studies and all.”

“Ah, yes. I remember my studies when I was your age. Though, I don’t really use them much now. Your husband takes care of everything darling, so don’t fret!” Oh. I remember this one. Countess Ryelle. Lower down the chain of command, brainwashed into a useless sack of jewels and satin by her husband. She used to be one of the brightest people in the empire. I used to admire her, till I met her.

“Is that so?” I try not to sound sarcastic. “Oh, would you look at that, my father is calling me over. I’ll be seeing you.” never, I add under my breath.

My father pulls me aside. I’m not mean enough to lie, unfortunately. “Aria, the Prince of Mordu is here. I wish you would dance with him.”

“Must I?”

“At least pretend to enjoy these events, he may be your suitor.”

“Fine.” It comes out bitter and angry, much more than I truly feel. Dancing is fun, despite who attends these events. Still, my steps are forced and awkward as I approach the prince.

His hair is close shaven, and he looks at least 5 years my elder. Not to mention that he isn't Symphinian, and though humans aren’t bad, they always want to touch my wings. Nevertheless, I smile, trying to look like I’m genuinely afraid he might say no to a dance.

“Hello,” he says, curt, but not unkind. His voice has an unfamiliar twang to it. “Have you come to ask for a dance?”

“Yes. I am Princess Aria.” I nearly fall over when I curtsy without spreading my wings, trying to make the human prince more comfortable (I think it's ridiculous, but Father insists), and he grabs my arm. His grip is firmer than necessary, and I try not to shudder.

“Try not to fall at my heels, Princess. I’m afraid it happens all too often.”

“Is that so?” I ask, brushing off my dress. I hate it when 

“Why yes. Who wouldn’t want to dance with I, Prince Hayden of Mordu?”

“I’m sure my brother wouldn’t.”

He seems genuinely taken aback at my statement, before he laughs.

“You surprise me. I wouldn’t mind taking you as mine.”

I suppress another shudder at the thought of being considered his property. I extend my arm and flatten my feathers, pretending the whole interaction hasn’t made me feel very, very slimy. “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

I suppose dancing with Hayden isn't the worst thing. He seems unsure of the steps but insists on leading which is, frankly, obnoxious, but he at least doesn’t reach to stroke my wings at all. The Reolan prince I had danced with earlier had desperately wanted to touch them (Like I would let a stranger touch my wings. He clearly hadn’t read up on the Symphinian etiquette, even though Reola has the second highest population of us in the world).

I still walk away from the dance feeling sticky with his intentions. No matter the customs the royal courts of the world had seemingly agreed upon, 16 still felt like too young to be married off.

When the night began to draw to a close, I spotted Finnigan stationed at one of the exits. Tap his shoulder from behind, and whisper in his ear.

“I’ll see you on the roof later, ok?” before ducking back into the ballroom.

I don’t have time to see his reaction before my father calls attention to himself. 

“Lords and Ladies gathered here, I must apologize. Princess Aria has accepted a proposal, Prince Pascal of Suther!”

My heart drops. The prince in question was the worst of the lot I’d danced with. He’d touched my wings despite my protest, and would hardly let me speak. He was sandy haired, weak limbed, and generally an entitled weasel. Had I chosen (as my father had said I would be able to do, on my birthday)(he never really did care for me did he? To much like his wildfire late wife, who he snuffed out) it never would have been Pascal, not in a million years. And the cherry on top, the part that really got a fire stirring in my veins, was that Suther was the worst kingdom in Aoris.

See, Suther was where the Cruel King lived, as Finnigan and I called him. He had no restraints or hesitations when it came to magic. The moment I got married I would be signing  my death sentence, doomed to be sacrificed publicly or to quietly ‘disappear’. Like my mother had. As my father had sworn, per her last wish, would not happen to me. But apparently, dying vows mean nothing to a man like him.

I’ve lived years like this. Expecting the worst. But the feeling of betrayal is incomprehensible. You think your mind can come up with the worst things imaginable, with no limits of reason, and real life turns out to be worse. I take a deep breath. In, and out, in and out. Don’t explode. “They will be married in a month's time.”

My…. birthday. I will be married on my 16th birthday won’t I? That's when my life is going to fall apart. Pyla, it's already falling apart(who the hell am I, praying to Pyla? I’ll probably be sacrificed to her specifically).

“I wish all of you safe travels home.”

The nobles trickle out, until Pascal and his mother are the last two in the ballroom, besides Father and Mirin. The adults talk off to the side, as the prince approaches me

“Hello.” Pascal says, like we haven’t met.

“Hello.” It's tight and forced as a hold back my tears.

“You look sad, darling,” he strokes my wing and I draw the tight to my spine, instinctively moving back a bit. Mirin grips my hand, holding tight.

“Hey! Don’t touch my sister’s wings.”

“What did you say?”

“Don’t touch her wings. You can’t do that until you get married, or unless you are family. Or like, really, really close friends.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell me, darling?”

“I did. You didn't listen.” I practically whisper. 

“Well it doesn’t matter any how. In a month's time I can touch them all I want, isn't that right my little blackbird?”

“Jackdaw, actually.”

“What?”

“I have the wings of a jackdaw.”

“Does it matter?”

“Female blackbirds are brown, like Mirin’s wings. Mine are those of a jackdaw, jackass. Like my mother’s.”

Mirin ignores the swear. She’s heard worse from Father. But she squeezes twice. I need to calm the fire in my gut. Literally. Two squeezes means I’m getting hot.

“Mirin, why don’t I take you off to bed?”

“Ok, Ari.”

I swing her into my arms, and head to the door when Father stops me.

“Aria, you have a guest, where are you going?”

“It's getting very late. Someone needs to go to bed.” I tell him. Mirin yawns for added effect.

“Oh, a maid can do that. Come and talk with your fiance.”

“I don’t care.” I think Father sees the fire in my eyes, because he lets me go.

I bring Mirin to her room, and give her a good night hug.

“Is he a bad man, like the ones that took Mama?”

“I don’t know yet Miri. I don’t know.” I let the tears fall.

“Mama was brave, you said. You can be brave too.” I can be brave too. A plan begins to form in my head.

“And you as well, but it's practically midnight, so off to bed with you now.”

“Fine. Love you Ari!”

“Love you Mirin.”

Though I started crying with Mirin, it's not until I've locked the doors to my room that the downpour starts. I let myself sob so there is nothing left in me, lettting the hurt and betrayal spill out. The fallen tears begin to drown my fire, and I’m left feeling like a husk, empty and dry.

I wipe the final tear from my eye, and take a ragged breath. With no tears left the fire returns to my veins, for after all, a dry husk is a very flammable thing. The ornate clock on my wall reads 12:27. I shakily stand, and walk to the balcony. I shake out my wings and breathe. In and out. In and out. I wake more as the cool night air enters my lungs and dries the remnants of tears from my skin.

I get a slight running start and soar up onto the roof. As expected, Finnigan is waiting for me. I ran to him. He swoops me up in a hug, blotting out the stars and moons with his wings.

“Aria, are you ok?”

“Not in the slightest.”

I disentangle myself from Finnigan, and sit down. He follows suit. Mirin and I, as well as my brother when he’s home, live in the westernmost tower of the castle, and the roof is inaccessible without flight. It’s flat, and the ramparts protect us from being seen for the most part. Not that anyone is looking. 

We’ve spent so many nights here together, ever since we could both fly. To think that was eight years ago seems wrong, we were the same age as Mirin then. If we aren’t careful she might just end up joining us up here.

But that won’t happen. Not with what I have planned.

“Do you want to stay here?”

“What do you mean?” Finnigan asks, surprised.

“Do you want to stay here? Do you really want to be my bodyguard for the rest of our lives? To stay in the castle and never explore? To pretend not to have magic for the rest of time?”

“Well, not when you put it that way.”

“Does it ache? For you. It aches when I can't use it.”

“Yeah.”

I let my hands catch flame, the way my body has been begging me to do all night. 

“I’m getting married, Finn.”

“I thought-”

“Yeah. I thought too.”

“So?”

“Pascal. I’ll be married to the Cruel King’s son.” I stand, and let the fire go as I lean against the rampart. “I’m going to die, Finn.”

“What? Your father swore. He swore this would never happen.”

“He probably got a large dowry. He doesn't care. We knew that.” I look out to the west, away from this all. You can see the faint glow, for in the distance, of the burning forest.

“What are you going to do?”

“Me? Oh nothing… much.”

“Do tell.”

“What do you say we run away?”

[workingontruth]

Cancer, Emotions and Interruptions

As we do life here on planet Earth, our emotions of love and concern for people frequently displace the regularly scheduled contemplations of our minds. This is not a bad thing.

God made us in his image (Gen. 1:27). An important part of our created nature is the ability to experience emotion.

Emotion [noun]

- an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness. 

For a couple of weeks, my truly heart-felt occupation with this attempt to identify a more “whole” approach to the Gospel has taken a back seat to the emotions we are experiencing as a family. While our emotions will ebb and flow, I want to pause to accept my lack of “progress” in the aforementioned regard, as well as to break down what I’m seeing develop in my wife, Lesli. It is evidence she is living in her identity in Christ. Her emotions are not being ruled by her old self, but by her more enveloping reality as a remade, resurrected child of the Living God who knows she is firmly in the hands of her Creator. And I’m both encouraged and counseled by it.

Lesli was diagnosed with breast cancer in November. An annual mammogram led to further testing ...which led to an intrusive and painful biopsy. This led to tough news for our family–a positive, malignant cancer diagnosis.

Surgery kicked off our 2019, followed by more examinations of the removed tumor. These examinations, which demonstrate the continually progressive headway being made in the field, produced a medical analysis which confirmed that 3 or 4 months of chemotherapy was to be part of her (our) journey, followed by radiation.

As I write this entry, we are 5 days into this chemo experience for our family–something shared by too many to count these days.

In such times, people respond in a variety of ways. However, I think we categorically respond in just two ways:

One way we respond is to live in the reflexive emotions that will naturally (initially) accompany such news. These emotions, if left unchecked, can and will hijack our lives.

This reminds me of a visit our family made to King’s Island’s Drop Zone when Caleb was, maybe, 10 years old. After experiencing the truly breath-taking 10 seconds that accompanies the gravity-affirming release of this massive, circular amoeba, and as Caleb and I walked away in quest for the next adventure, he said,

“Dad, that’s kind of like life. Fear can take our breath away if we let it.”

WOW! I have chewed on that now for 15 years.

Continuing to live in a state of negative emotional reality leads us to live in the breath-taking turmoil of worry, fear, anger, guilt, isolation, and… (name the rest of yours here).

Another way to respond, and the right way for ones who profess to belong to Jesus, is to fix our attention onto our new reality as ones patterned after, and into, Christ - wherein these reflexive human emotions should be short-lived.

Oh, here you go again, Greg. You’re being heartless and thoroughly insensitive! 

...Are you saying if we belong to Jesus we aren’t human? C’mon, man! Are you living a self-diluted reality? Is this your type-A approach to everything? Are you saying this kind of life-altering news is just another of those opportunities to suck it up and put on your tough-skin?

No. I did not say these natural emotions should be shunned as an illusion, or as evidence of Christian weakness. No. A thousand times, no.

What I am saying is that in such times, we must reckon upon what is true of us as newborn creations in Christ. And in doing so, we are able to live into our new reality–one characterized by Philippians 4:7.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. – Phil. 4:7

Either this kind of living is our reality or it is not. Period.

To be clear, it would be terribly delusionary to ignore the reality of our initial emotion in times such as we are experiencing as a family. These are real and frustrating tragedies that plague our world–living in the wake of the curse of sin.

But it would also be terribly sad if those destructive emotions weren’t able to be met with the more supreme emotions that should accompany our journey as ones who have left that old, self-destructive man or woman in the grave with Jesus.

Reflecting long on the ownership of our new man, the one now completely owned by God in Christ, we must experience life differently. If not, we have every reason to question whether we belong to God.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. – 2 Cor. 5:17

Backfilling the old worries of our deceased nature (Romans 6:3-4, 6-7, 11-14) with equally honest emotions of calm, stillness, peace, trust, contentment, community and joyful (I didn’t say giddy happiness) surrender as we contemplate what is true of us as ones who are not only factually given over into God’s hands, but as ones who are actually able to live in the emotional reality of whose we are, is living in what is real! We cannot produce this kind of illogical peace and rest in the wake of tragic news. This is the stuff of God. This is no mere mental ascent to the power of positive thinking. No! This is evidence of new life.

So, no, the fact that our reflexive emotions temporarily displace our “regularly scheduled programming,” (i.e. my continued contemplations of a full Gospel in the previous entry) is not a bad thing. It’s human. What is bad is when our God-given emotions aren’t tamed to bow to their Creator.

All that said, as a family, we are witnessing Philippians 4:7 being lived out in front of our eyes as Lesli’s true (not conjured up) emotions of peace and acceptance and contentment with cancer are bearing the evidence of her new life in Christ.

King David’s reflections in Psalms 3:3-5 reminds me of how I am watching Lesli sleep as late.

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head.

I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill. 

I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.                          - Psalms 3:3-5

“I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.” I love this! Borrowing the words of a friend’s encouraging text message this morning, in the midst of fleeing from his own son who was trying to kill him, David went to sleep and gave it to God. Then, he woke up and was therefore sustained by God for another day.

How many times have you kept yourself up all hours of the night worrying about a situation that is out of your control? We worry. It is sin. Lesli, however, is sleeping soundly. And God is just waiting for us to let go of the worry, let go of the situation …and give it to Him. 

Whatever you’re worrying about, God is already working for his good pleasure ahead of you–if you would only live into the reality of your newness in Him as a follower of Christ, and let Him fill you with what is True of you.

If you cannot live in the light of your newness as a Christian, maybe you have an ownership problem. And for this disease, I have a thought-provoking, scripturally-based antidote. There’s no room for it here, but you can find it in Part II, and chapter 27 of Set Free.

Thanks, honey, for living in reality. You are demonstrating the first line of Psalms 40, verses 1-3 for us, knowing it is God’s to address the rest! 

I waited patiently for the Lord;    he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction,    out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock,    making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth,    a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear,    and put their trust in the Lord.

- Psalms 40:1-3 (ESV)

[script-a-world]

So in one of my novels I have this queen who's been ruling the land for years- except she's not actually the queen. On the night of the real princess's coronation, the "queen"- actually a servant of the princess- found her murdered. The servant then used the shapeshifting magic that she created to take the princess's place. No one was wise to it, EXCEPT the person who killed the princess. I'm struggling to come up with a reason the killer might not call out the fake queen to the public.

Mirintala: Perfect crime if no one thinks there was one. But that depends why she was killed.

Bina: 1) (If the killer is more of a free-agent assassin) He realizes that this fake queen must have some kind of shapeshifting magic, and wants to use it for himself. If he can catch the fake alone, he might be able to use her magic for more assassin-y or self-servey deeds. Outing the fake and killing a potentially useful tool would be against his interests.

2) His only problem was with the old princess as an individual. Even if there's still a queen, he only cared that that specific woman was dead.

3) (If the killer is actively against the monarchy) He realizes that this fake queen being unprepared and incompetant might be more effective in turning the population against the monarchy than creating a dead martyr princess every would.

4) The fake queen is actually doing a pretty good job, and the lives of his family/friends are better off than they would have been with the original crowned princess. Thus he has no intention of ruining the improvement in his life/his friend's lives.

5) To be spiteful, he's waiting for the fake queen to bungle badly enough that she gets found out by the public. He might consider the queen being torn to shreds as the result of her own failings to be more satisfying than calling her out himself.

6) He wants to make money/have power/influence/etc. If he can inform the fake that he knows she's a fake, then he can blackmail her pretty effectively with that info and get whatever he wants, depending on the disposition of the fake queen (can correlate with #1).

7) (Depending on how prominent the killer is in your story) The killer's younger sister/brother/lover/mother/etc is SO enamoured with this queen, that to oust the queen in public and potentially have her killed for treason would break their hearts.

Werew: The first thing that came to my mind is, what evidence does he have? How does he know? If he comes forward to out her, he's going to have to have a reason to suspect... and that might bring to light the fact that HE is the killer of the true princess/queen!

Constablewrites: "Hey, you can't be the queen!"

"How do you know?"

"Because I killed the real queen!"

"...uh, okay, you're under arrest then."

Mirintala: "But if you arrest me you admit I killed the queen which means you aren't the queen!"

"We're both getting screwed here."

Constablewrites: Seems like a damn good reason to keep your mouth shut to me. I'd honestly be more perplexed as to what the killer would gain from coming forward, since there's basically no way they can do that without implicating themselves as well.

I could imagine the killer continuing to go after the fake queen if they were helping to implement a specific plan that required the queen out of the way, but going public seems like a not particularly helpful way to achieve that goal.

MareeB: Yeah, I think the imposter would be in far more danger of murder than exposure

Thanks for the great question! Best wishes with your writing.

~Miri

[mirri-san]

Tagged by @vimassa15

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with truths about you. At the end, choose (25) people to be tagged.

·       *Last Drink: Water.

·       *Last Time I Cried: I don’t remember. I’m emotionally dead. I got close while watching Mob Psycho 100 the other day that’s some good shit.

·       *Last Phone Call: My phone says I called myself. Which is dumb. I’m gonna say it was @papertigersblog to tell her I was gonna be late like usual lets be honest.

·       *Last Text Message: My sister. Quote: “How the heck would I know that’s what ur talking about?” It was a weird conversation.

·       *Last Song You Listened To: Life- Rap Monster (sue me it’s a good song)

HAVE YOU EVER

·       Dated someone twice: Yes

·       Been cheated on: Probably idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

·       Lost someone special:  Define ‘lost’

·       Been drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink #pure

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

·       *Made a new friend: So many lmao I love people

·       Fallen out of love: Nope

·       *Laughed until you cried: Yeah my dudes. Laughing is fun.

·       Met someone who changed you: I change all the time so probably?  

·       Found out who your true friends are: It’s amazing how, even if you haven’t talked for weeks and weeks, sometimes years, my friends and I will always someone find out way back to one another. It’s hard to keep track of many friend groups, but worth it. Did I answer the question? No I didn’t.

·       Found out someone was talking about you: People are always talking about me lol

GENERAL

·       How many people on tumblr do you know in real life: Psh I dunno not many.

·       Any pets: Black kitty, orange kitty, stinky dog.

·       Do you want to change your name: I used to want to, but Millicent is unique and now it’s something I'm very proud of.

·       *What time did you wake up this morning: Well I woke up and did this straight away lol so about 6:30. Blame my body clock.

·       *What did you do last night: I started a Series of Unfortunate Events on Netflix been so hyped for so long!

·       *Name something you cannot wait for: if bts will finally announce the Australia part of their WINGS tour so I can book my plane tickets lol. Also going to university next year and properly being able to hang out with @bukiyona rather than over kkt and skype.

·       Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Ah probably? I vaguely remember a Tom. Unless you mean Tom as in period reference in which case yes, yes I have.

·       What’s getting on your nerves right now: I have work tonight and I don’t wanna.

·       Blood type: A+ no wait that’s my grades………

·       *Nicknames: Milli, Mim, Mimma, Micchan, Miri, Hoe, Bitch, Fart, Butthole (my brother is like 11 ok)

·       Relationship Status: Single fuck yeaaaaaah

·       Zodiac sign: Gemini

·       Pronouns: She/her

·       Fav TV show: um it changes like every minute.

·       High school: NO MORE

·       College: (soon)

·       Hair color: It’s like fire. Dark red on the top, fading out to light orange at the bottom. I’m very proud of it.

·       Short or long: I guess… it’s kinda long now huh. I’ve been growing it for like five years so.

·       Do you have a crush on someone: Yes..

·       What do you like most about yourself: I’m super chill. I don’t get angry that much and I get along with (most) people. Also my eyebrows are perfect without me trying.

·       Tattoos: Not old enough yet but I have so many planned.

·       Righty or lefty: Righty but work is slowly making me ambidextrous.

FIRSTS

·       Surgery: I had to get the tendons cut in my feet bc of my dancing rip.

·       Piercing: My ears, but I’ve got plans for more.

·       First best friend: My first best friend doesn’t have tumblr. I mean, she probably does, but I haven’t followed her. We used to play together in Prep and we watched Avatar the Last Airbender together. I’m excited for when I can see her again hopefully soon.

·       First sport you joined: Ballet and I was freaking good at it.

·       Vacation: Never been overseas but I usually head to Tasmania every couple of years to see family.

·       Pair of sneaker: my dudes you expect me to remember that?

RIGHT NOW

·       *Eating: Uhhhh just woke up, so nothing yet.

·       *Drinking: Water

·       *I’m about to: Hopefully go to the gym if I can wake my dad up to take me.

·       *Listening to:  Music. Just, like, chill music.

·       Waiting for: When I can meet our lord and saviour Kim Namjoon.

·       Want kids: Yeah but only when I’m with someone I love and who will take care of them with me bc they’re cute but also annoying af and I’ll need help.

·       Get married: I mean I’d love to. My sister and I have a deal that we have to go on Say Yes to the Dress together bc we love the drama.

·       Career: I have so many I’d love to be. Looks like I'm just gonna have to do all of them.

WHICH IS BETTER

·       Lips or eyes: Eyes

·       Taller or shorter: As a shorty, I’m gonna say taller.

·       Older or younger:  Older

·       Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic

·       Sensitive or loud: loud

·       Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER

·       Lost glasses or contacts: Yesssssss worst thing of my LIFE

·       Broken someone’s heart: Yes. And I know full well.

·       Been arrested: Nearly.

·       Turned someone down: Yes

·       Cried when someone died: No. Like I said. Emotionally dead.

·       Fallen for a friend: Yeah awkward lol

DO YOU BELIEVE

·       In yourself: mostly. I'm pretty amazing.

·       Miracles: Yes

·       Love at first sight: Yes

·       Heaven: Not specifically, but I believe in something after death.

·       Santa Claus: I’d like to.

List 10 favorite characters/biases (one per series/fandom):

1.     Rap Monster (BTS)

2.     Juvia Lockser (Fairy Tail)

3.     Rio Nakamura (Assassination Classroom)

4.     Nico di Angelo (Rick Riordan) (he is basically his own fandom at this point)

5.     Klavier Gaven (Ace Attorney)

6.     Prompto Argentum (FFXV)

7.     H2O Delirious (Banana Bus Squad)

8.     Henry Cheng  (The Raven Cycle)

9.     Hanji Zoe (Attack on Titan)

10.  Yukine (Noragami)

(these were not in order lord help me that was hard)

*MY TRUTHS

·       I find it really hard to finish things. I’ve got an entire album’s worth of songs that I’ve started but never finished, and an entire library’s worth of book ideas waiting to be written. I need an end goal and a deadline to finish anything rip.

·       I’m so so so so so pale. I live in one of the sunniest places in the world and I can’t tan. Oh well. Less skin cancer I suppose.

·       My family owns so many books. Like, so many. Every room has a bookshelf, and we have a dedicated library. I’ve never run out of things to read.

·       I won the Dux award in primary school, and they gave me a dictionary. I’m still salty.

·       I’m currently learning Korean and Japanese simultaneously. I keep getting the words mixed up lol.

·       As a writer, I’ve googled some fucked up shit for references. I once looked up how to make a bomb when I was writing a story about terrorists and I’m pretty sure the FBI is monitoring my computer lol.

·       I’m not a delusional fangirl but…. I mean, I’m pretty sure Kim Namjoon and I are one day gonna get married. It’s fate.

·       My friends and I used to roleplay on facebook and we look back now and cringe but honestly those were some of the happiest times for me. I don’t care what anyone says. It was fun.

·       I’m a really, really bad speller. Sometimes the spell checker on my computer just stops working and I’m completely lost.

@vimassa15 tagged almost all our mutuals in her’s sooooo I’m struggling. @doveloves @youshouldgoogleit  @goyuoi1 that’s all I got good luck~~ 

[banalpal]

2018 Review

This is going to be pretty long, but I wanted to just go through my year month by month in a really candid way. 

January

I started out my year trying to re-invent myself. I had a quaint little apartment, and I wanted to start blogging (here) and vlogging (youtube). I wanted to be organized and on-trend. Early in the month, my band worked really hard on producing our single in preparation for its release on Valentine’s Day. 

I ended a toxic relationship with a guy I really loved, and that was hard to do right off the bat in 2018, but I was determined to get better. I started spending a lot of time with my roommates and other friends. I wrote this reflection in my journal in January: 

“I’m so glad I spent time with Kendyl, Daria, Jacob and Kaleb. I’m very pleased with the amount of homework I’ve accomplished and that I have gone to my classes AND begun to exercise!”

This is one of my favorite photos taken in January. I was really down about losing a close friend, and I went to an ice cream/live band karaoke event at my college. A few friends and I started spontaneously dancing to Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA,” and I had a ton of fun. 

Lucky me! In the span of a week, one of my close friends, Jacob, asked me to be his girlfriend, AND my best friend came to surprise visit from Kentucky. 

This is my best friend, Connor! 

February

February was truly a bit of a mad-dash of always trying to rehearse for my upcoming senior recital, while balancing my schoolwork, 5 jobs (really!), my friendships, and navigating my new relationship. 

Somehow, I managed to pull through and make it to Daria (my roomate)’s birthday party, audition for commencement concert, introduce Jacob to my family, and I even took a trip down to St. Louis to visit my dear friends Luke and Alyssa, while also getting to see Jacob’s WGI competition. I was even on an intramural volleyball team!

March

March taught me much about failure. I had been practicing night and day for my recital. It was supposed to be shared with my friend Nathan, on March 26th. I failed my recital hearing a week prior, and had to reschedule for April. You may be thinking, “big deal,” but I had never honestly put in the work for something and just failed. There were times in my life where I hadn’t put forward my best effort and then not accomplished my goal, but this was the first time I had really worked for something and then failed anyway. It was extremely disappointing, but even in the midst of my hard work and failure, there was time for smiles. I spent quite a bit of time in Michigan meeting Jacob’s family for the first time, I learned how to shoot a gun, and I performed in 4 concerts despite my recital being postponed. 

April

If you thought March was wild, well hold onto your hats! In April, I was out of town the 1st-2nd, 6th-9th, 16th-17th, 20th-23rd, and 29th-30th. In that time, I also had to perform my senior recital, direct my drama class showcase, and take all of my finals. Here’s an excerpt from my planner that month:

“This was hands-down the most stressful month of my life. I was traveling nonstop. I truly don’t think I could’ve done it any differently, but I certainly don’t wish to repeat it.” 

My sister Phoebe turned 3!

The awesome group of students I got to travel with all those times!

Some friends and I at our volunteer showcase!

I got to go with my best friends to Senior Banquet.

I surprised Jacob in Ohio for his birthday; he had no idea and it was a great day. Totally worth it to be there for him.

I got to sing in chapel for the first time during our last week of school. It was such an amazing experience to do it with some of my best friends!

My wonderful friends from praise team and I after my senior recital! It was so fun to get all dressed up and show everyone what I’ve been studying for 3 years! I wore the same dress to sing in commencement concert.

May

Ahh. May. Such an incredible release from the tension that had built up over the late winter/early spring. I opted out of my choir trip which was sad, but I needed to spend the money on some summer courses. I only traveled a little with the praise team. I was honored with the privilege of singing a solo at our Baccalaureate service. I got to spend so much time with family, too!

My birthday!

Some awesome friends at our senior class event! We released paper lanterns.

Just before the Baccalaureate service. I had allergic conjunctivitis but my friends and family were so helpful with the eyedrops!

My close friends from home celebrating my birthday!

June

June was bittersweet. A wonderful month with wonderful weather, but my dear Great Aunt Ann passed away. It was hard on my family, especially my grandmother. Ann was so positive until her last breath, and an inspiration for me to live my life to the fullest.

I ran my first race ever, a 5k, in honor of my friend Cheyenne who passed away from osteosarcoma. 

I went to Cedar Point for the first time! It was rainy, but we had so much fun!

We had a great Father’s Day weekend.

Jacob surprised me with tickets to my first ever baseball game! We had seats right above the dugout for the opposing team. There were peanuts everywhere, but I lived!

Gus and I had a great time at Prairiefest!

Not pictured: applied for and accepted a position as music teacher at Parkview Christian (more on that later)!

July

More summer shenanagins!

I took my final trip with Praise! 

Independence Day was spent with close friends!

My great uncle retired and we got to sing “Yesterday” by the Beatles together.

We had some family visit from Florida and we got to go to the Field Museum in Chicago. It was my first time (that I can remember).

The lovely Jen Heim did our family portraits and they turned out absolutely beautiful!

Here’s me doing... yep, you guessed it! goat yoga.

August

August is where the rubber really met the road for me. I had to grow up so quickly. It was like life just smacked me in the face, and I had to decide what kind of person I was going to be moving forward. So, I decided to be the best version of me I could possibly be. I didn’t get there, and I’m still not there, but I’m sure as heck trying.

I started my first full-time job as a music teacher. I way underestimated how difficult it would be. I’m so thankful for the job and for the opportunity, but I won’t lie, it’s been a scary and difficult transition. I feel I was very underprepared for the job and very overwhelmed by it, but I made it through the month alive, with a lot of things learned. 

I got to see my first DCI competition with some friends from Olivet!

Through the hardship, I was so thankful to be leading worship 5 times a week at that point. I needed the constant lyrical reminders of God’s faithfulness in all situations.

I got a haircut to make myself feel good. It worked.

I got to sing at my lovely friend Alyssa’s wedding!

My car was totaled in an accident that wasn’t my fault. Just another thing in the dumpster fire that was my life!

I got one relaxing trip to SBR with my highschool students. It was so needed!

September

When life gives you lemons, sometimes making lemonade takes too long and you need to just eat them plain.

I lost a lot in September. My identity was no longer as a worship leader, a college student, a singer/performer, a girlfriend, and probably half a dozen other things I’ve forgotten about. I had to start finding another identity: one marked by my traits alone, and not my circumstances.

I lost a lot of weight. It was time to take control of my situation and my health! I didn’t want to wait for the new year to have a new me.

I paid cash for a new (to me) car! It sucked that I had this expense out of nowhere, but it felt great to be able to afford it.

My favorite thing about myself in hardships is how inspiring it is. Whenever life gets me down, God gives me a song to sing. It reminds me of one of my favorite Psalms:

“I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He lifted me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay; He set my feet upon a rock, and made my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.”

I’m so glad for all the creativity He gave me that month.

My best friend had a murder themed birthday party, of course! I was Courtney Love because... duh. She totally killed Kurt Cobain.

My brother, the soccer star.

Spending time with old friends at the Sandwich Fair!

Unfortunately, it was time for me to give up my position at First Baptist of Kankakee. I loved my church so much, and I still adore the people there, but I knew it was time for me to move on and meet other Christians in my area. I still hold them so dearly in my heart!

It felt so good to start gigging again, too! I played with my band, Vinyl Fox, twice, and with another combo with some friends from college. 

October

I got to go back down to Olivet for Homecoming weekend! 

My friend Ricky and I went to a banquet (for my friend from THE CHURCH I JOINED)!

My family at Halloween!

Pumpkin patch with the kiddos!

Luckily, my job became easier with time. I also started grad school! 

Gus, being a star.

November

A total blast. I spent so much time improving myself and becoming the person I want to be! It feels GREAT!

I got to spend so much time climbing at First Ascent. My climbing partner and I started actually leading routes this month and we progressed so much! I conquered a lot of fear in that area. I also met my friend Celeste! (The girl in the picture with me).

Alex Molica did a makeup demonstration on me, and I was thriving.

My family had the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving in DISNEY WORLD!! So cool!! 

I spent so much time in the city! I kind of fell in love with the train rides home at night. I visited friends (and Sophie, my sister), participated in my first beginner comp (The Humblodt Rumble), did the Sendsgiving challenge (and WON a prize!), and even got to bring my cousin climbing with me!

December

DECEMBER. How could the year have come to a close so quickly? Well, I’m certainly not where I thought I’d end up. My vision for my life and for my future has gone through incredibly major shifts over and over again this year. But then I finally realized, I don’t know what the future holds, and I can’t know. So I need to just stop trying to know. It’s time to let go. I had been holding onto some things so tightly in my life this year - things that were really precious to me - and by doing so, I choked them out. This month I feel I’ve finally settled more into my adult life. It’s truly surreal to have just released songs (that will get its own blog post later), for real this time. I got to see one of my favorite bands, WALKTHEMOON. I celebrated a close friend’s wedding! I even directed all of the Christmas programs at school (while incredibly sick) and they went well! 

WALKTHEMOON!

Gus’ first Ninja Warrior competition!

Yes, I changed my hair again. What can I say? I get a rush from surprising people.

MY NEW MUSIC!!! (Thanks to Elijah Svoboda and Scott Miller! The best producers and musicians in the WORLD!)

Oh yeah, and I’m dog sitting for the holiday.

To wrap it all up and stick it under a tree, 

New year: better me. 

I can’t wait to keep learning and growing and changing in 2019. I’m so ready for whatever God brings my way! 

[sparklegigi02]

The Waiting Season--What I Have Learned & Am Still Learning

WAITING IS DEFINED AS THE ACTION OF STAYING WHERE ONE IS OR DELAYING ACTION UNTIL A PARTICULAR TIME OR SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS.

WOW!!! Well first off, let me say..it’s been a long,long time since I have written a blog post. Years probably. =( & while I hate to say that, one thing I always try to do is make sure ALL my post are inspired by God.I’ve told people this before..I love writing, its my passion, its my voice when I don’t know what to say, It’s one of the most BEAUTIFUL gifts besides my family & my best friend that God has given me. =) <3 Speaking of my family & my best friend BOTH have been asking me about blogging and writing lately. BOTH have always pushed me to get back into it, so here I am.=) LOL. I’m soo thankful for my amazing family & my amazing best friend for always pushing me to “keep at it..don’t stop writing..you have to stay consistent”. For my mom saying “Girl, write that book, you need to start blogging again”. For my best friend Justyn who always lovingly ask “You been blogging? How’s your blog? Have you been writing lately?”. Then of course there is my daddy who ALWAYS tells me...”You have an idea baby..just do it”.

I said ALLL that to say, whenever I post I like to be SURE all post are inspired by GOD. Also, how thankful I am for ALL the support I’ve gotten over the years even when I didn’t know what to write, I’m still soo blessed to have people who KNOW how much writing/blogging is to me and how much of a RELEASE it is, they understand it’s one of my giffs and they KNOW how God allows me to use it. MOST OF ALL-- I’m soo thankful to Jesus for giving me this BEAUTIFUL gift...He ALLOWS me to hear his voice soo CLEAR, soo often (yes, even when I don’t blog,lol) & He ALWAYS is there with sweet reminders for me.

SOO MUCH has been going on since I last blogged. Too much for me to even write in this blog post.

“THE WAITING SEASON”....

Honestly, I feel like it’s something we ALLL can relate to in one way or another. Whether that be a job, promotion, to be in a relationship, to get engaged, married, start a new beginning or whatever. We are ALL waiting for something. I know for me, the ACTUAL waiting is the hardest hard, but one thing i have learned (or am trying to learn) is how to stay BUSY even while waiting. There are things that God wants us to do WHILE we continously wait on HIM and we have to be SURE to do our part. Prayer, Studying his word, Going to church, being intentional about time with Him and Him alone.

A lot of times I feel it’s like during the waiting is when God is able to do His best work not only IN us but THROUGH us as well. Waiting increases our faith, teaches us many life lessons and also helps us see situations in a different perspective. I’ve learned not only does God KNOW BEST (of course =)  but, we are in this EARTHLY world and in the SPIRITUAL realm, when we “tap” into that God’s reasoning is soo much GREATER, MORE BEAUTIFUL & SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL than we can realize.

Waiting is hard, difficult, frustrating & we may want to give up at times but just KNOW that when we want to give up MOST...THAT’S WHEN GOD COMES AND BLESSES US THE MOST!!!!...&& What A blessing that is. =)

***BIBLE VERSES ON WAITING =)***

Psalm 40:1-17

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord. Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told. ...

Isaiah 64:4

From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.

Habakkuk 2:1-3

I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint. And the Lord answered me: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.

Isaiah 40:31

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Psalm 27:13-14

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Lamentations 3:25

The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.

Isaiah 30:18

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.

James 5:7-8

Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

Romans 5:3-4  

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope,

Psalm 27:14

Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Psalm 33:20-22

Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.

Psalm 130:5-6

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.

James 5:11

Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

Psalm 37:34

Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

Micah 7:7

But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Psalm 62:5

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.

Matthew 6:34

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Psalm 25:4-5

Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.

Psalm 27:1-14

Of David. The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, yet I will be confident. One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock. ...

Romans 8:18

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Psalm 40:1

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David. I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

Psalm 62:1

To the choirmaster: according to Jeduthun. A Psalm of David. For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation.

John 3:16-17

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.

Acts 1:4

And while staying with them he ordered them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the promise of the Father, which, he said, “you heard from me;

Proverbs 20:22

Do not say, “I will repay evil”; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.

Habakkuk 2:3

For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.

Job 1:1-22

There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil. There were born to him seven sons and three daughters. He possessed 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, and 500 female donkeys, and very many servants, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the east. His sons used to go and hold a feast in the house of each one on his day, and they would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with them. And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and consecrate them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, “It may be that my children have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.” Thus Job did continually. ...

1 Peter 1:22-25

Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.” And this word is the good news that was preached to you.

[thesok-man]

If you haven’t lost the heart of a child you will still hear the sleigh bells ring as you fall asleep into the midnight hour of you Christmas Dreams.  I have a wife that I adore watching experience the sleigh bells ring every day, for instance New Years Eve she slaved all day long making 8 different salads with her daughter, hors devours of steamed cabbage leaves rolled with pork, and a main course meal of stuffed salmon, this meal was fit for a king and yet it was for Oksana, Volva her boyfriend, Irina, I and Miri our granddaughter.

Watching Irina was glancing at a 5 year old, the excitement was profound, as the day progressed she pulled out her finest jewelry, a beautiful dress and prepared for a feast. Little did she know I was watching and preparing myself for what would be a very formal night for her, she placed no expectations on me for dinner wear but for her she was going to a ball so I surprised her by dressing up in my suit.  Irina was flabbergasted, astounded and filled with joy that I would take the time to celebrate her fabulous feast.  How could I not be the prince that would place a glass slipper on her foot after seeing the delight in her eyes all day.  (listen did you hear the bell)

Irina did not know how to ice skate and yet when Volva suggested that we all darn on a pair of blades and skate, she was all in.  Again I am delighted and amazed at this woman, she lives life through the eyes of a child as I have alluded to before.  Not knowing how to skate, and yet excited to put on a pair of blades and battle the crowds at the arena.  She was amazing like a figure skater stepping on to the ice for the first time, poised yet scared to death unknowing what or how her body would respond to the ice beneath her feet.  She grasp my hand and with the other she clasp the boards with a vise grip but within 2 or 3 strides she was gliding along as if she had done this her whole life.  Looking into her eyes and watching the expression on he face was a visa moment (priceless).  She shuffled her feet back and forth all along the boards with me in support of her 2nd hand  as we past the entrance to the ice she didn’t even flinch like she was in any hurry to get off the rink, in time we were out in the center of the ice skating as a couple of professional olympic skaters, with one fell swoop our triple axel had her feet no longer on the ice she was pulling me down with her we hit with a bang laughing till we cried. As we skated over to the bench and the laughter subsided she realized how hard landing on ice is as her elbow took the brunt of the fall she now a lollipop for an elbow.  As the evening closed I asked her how she liked it, she said pointing to her elbow and said next time I want the elbow things, at least there will be a next time.  (did you hear that I mean that ringing sound)

Today we took another adventure, this time it was to a water park excited and nervous we ventured into uncharted waters literally, Irina did not know how to swim but again was willing to take on this venture with a grin and a smile.  Irina was hesitant at first wanting to know how deep the water was where we were jumping in so Oksana stood touching the bottom of the pool while her head was out of the water Irina was more confident about taking the plunge.  She took my hand as I was in the water already while sitting on the edge she slid in making sure her head did not break the waters plane.  As with anything else her confidence grew as she ventured out away from the poolside learning how to dog paddle and frog kick.  Eyes closed, holding her breath, and reaching for my hands she was delighted that she was actually swimming.  By the end of the day she had taken on the 2nd highest water slide screaming her lungs out and swearing she will never do it again, she was swimming on her own and was actually swimming underwater a pretty good distance.  Confident, Proud and Exhausted we headed for the dressing room, hailed a cab home and are currently snuggled in our bed waiting to drift off to sleep……did you hear that if you didn’t then you better start listening to life through the eyes of a five year old child I heard the sleigh bells ringing quite often lately….I love you Irina, thank you for ringing that bell.

Если вы не потеряли сердце ребенка, вы все равно услышите звон колокольчиков, когда вы засыпаете в полночный час ваших рождественских мечтаний. У меня есть жена, которой я обожаю смотреть, как звонят звонки на санях каждый день, например, в канун Нового Года, который она всю ночь везла с ее дочерью 8 разных салатов, кусочки поеданных листьев капусты, катающихся со свининой, и блюдо из основного блюда фаршированный лосось, эта еда была пригодна для короля, и все же это было для Оксаны, Волвы, ее бойфренда, Ирины, я и Мири, нашей внучки. Наблюдая за тем, как Ирина смотрела на 5 лет, волнение было глубоким, поскольку день прогрессировал, она потянула ее прекрасные украшения, красивое платье и приготовленные для пира. Мало ли она знала, что я смотрю и готовлюсь к тому, что было бы для нее очень официальной ночью, она не ожидала меня на ужин, но для нее она собиралась на бал, поэтому я удивил ее, переодевшись в свой костюм. Ирина была ошеломлена, поражена и полна радости, что я бы потратил время, чтобы отпраздновать ее сказочный праздник. Как я мог не быть принцем, который поставил бы стеклянную тапочку на ее ногу, увидев весь день в ее глазах. (слушай, ты слышал звонок)

Ирина не знала, как кататься на коньках, и все же, когда Волва предложила, чтобы мы все набрали пару лезвий и коньков, она была все. Снова я в восторге и изумлен этой женщине, она живет жизнью глазами ребенка, Я уже упоминал об этом раньше. Не зная, как кататься на коньках, и все же взволнован, чтобы надеть пару лезвий и сразиться с толпами на арене. Она была потрясающей, как фигурист, впервые ступая на лед, все еще испугавшись до смерти, не зная, что и как ее тело ответит на лед под ее ногами. Она схватила мою руку, а другая схватила доски тисками, но в течение 2 или 3 шагов она скользила так, как будто она сделала это всю свою жизнь. Взглянув ей в глаза и наблюдая за выражением лица, он был визовым (бесценным). Она перетасовывала свои ноги взад и вперед по всем доскам со мной в поддержку ее второй руки, когда мы проходили мимо входа в лед, который она даже не вздрогнула, как будто она спешила выйти из катка, когда мы вышли в центре катание на коньках, как пара профессиональных олимпийских фигуристов, с одним махом наш тройной аксель уже не был на ногах, на которых она тянула меня с собой, и мы с треском взмахнули, пока мы не плакали. Когда мы катались на скамейке и смех утих, она поняла, как тяжелая посадка на льду, так как ее локоть взял на себя основную тяжесть падения, теперь она леденец для локтя. Когда я закрыл вечер, я спросил ее, как ей это нравится, сказала она, указывая на локоть, и сказала, что в следующий раз я хочу, чтобы локоть, по крайней мере, будет в следующий раз. (вы слышали, что я имею в виду этот звонкий звук)

Сегодня мы взяли еще одно приключение, на этот раз в аквапарк, взволнованный и нервный, мы буквально рисковали в неизведанные воды, Ирина не знала, как плавать, но снова захотела взять это предприятие с усмешкой и улыбкой. Сначала Ирина колебалась, желая узнать, насколько глубоко вода была там, где мы прыгали, поэтому Оксана стояла, касаясь дна бассейна, когда ее голова была вне воды. Ирина была более уверена в том, что решила окунуться. Она взяла меня за руку, когда я уже была в воде, сидя на краю, и она скользнула, убедившись, что ее голова не сломала водный план. Как и с чем-то еще, ее уверенность возрастала, когда она отваживалась от бассейна, изучая, как собачьи весло и лягушачьи удары. Глаза закрылись, затаив дыхание, и, достигнув моих рук, она была в восторге от того, что она действительно плавала. К концу дня она взяла на себя 2-ю верхнюю водную горку, кричащую о ее легких, и ругалась, что больше никогда не будет делать этого, она сама плавала и действительно плавала под водой на довольно хорошем расстоянии. Уверенный, гордый и изнуренный, мы направились в раздевалку, приветствовали дом такси и в настоящее время прижаты к нам в постель, ожидая дрейфа, чтобы заснуть … вы слышали, что если вы этого не сделали, тогда лучше начать слушать жизнь глазами пятилетнего ребенка. Я слышал, что в последнее время часто звонят звонки на санях. Я люблю тебя, Ирина, спасибо, что ��вонил в этот колокол.

Sleigh Bells Ring If you haven't lost the heart of a child you will still hear the sleigh bells ring as you fall asleep into the midnight hour of you Christmas Dreams. 

[hollywoodages-blog]

Elizabeth Banks Height Weight Measurements

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Elizabeth Banks Height Weight Measurements

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Elizabeth Banks Biography

Elizabeth Banks born on February 10, 1974 is an American on-screen character, maker, and chief. Banks made her film debut in the low-spending plan free film Surrender Dorothy (1998), and is known for her parts in such movies as Wet Hot American Summer, Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man set of three (2002–07), Seabiscuit (2003), The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005), Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008), Role Models (2008), The Next Three Days (2010), Pitch Perfect (2012), The Lego Movie (2014), and The Hunger Games movies (2012–15). In 2014, she depicted Melinda Ledbetter, the sweetheart and later wife of the Beach Boys fellow benefactor Brian Wilson, in Bill Pohlad’s film Love and Mercy and made her directorial debut with Pitch Perfect 2, whose May 15–17 $69M opening weekend gross set a record for a first-time executive. On TV, Banks had a repeating part as Avery Jessup on the NBC sitcom 30 Rock, which picked up her two Emmy Award assignments. She additionally had repeating parts on Scrubs and Modern Family. In 2015, she repeated her part as Lindsay for the Netflix miniseries Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp. Banks was born in Pittsfield, Massachusetts and experienced childhood with Brown Street, the eldest of four offspring of Ann and Mark P. Mitchell. Her dad was an assembly line laborer for General Electric and her mom worked in a bank. She has said that she grew up “Irish + WASP + Catholic”. Growing up, Banks played baseball and rode stallions. She was in Little League when she broke her leg sliding into third. She then went for the school play, which was her begin in acting. She moved on from Pittsfield High School in 1992, and is an individual from the Massachusetts Junior Classical League. She went to the University of Pennsylvania (Penn), where she was an individual from the Delta Sorority. She graduated magna cum laude in 1996 with a noteworthy in correspondences and a minor in theater expressions. In 1998, she finished educating at the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco, California, where she earned a MFA.

Elizabeth Banks Personal Info.

Full Name: Elizabeth Irene Mitchell

Nick Name: Liz Banks

Family: Mark P. Mitchell – (Father) Ann Wallace – (Mother) Geoff Mitchell – (Brother) Sarah Mitchell – (Sister) Felix Handelman – (son) Magnus Mitchell Handelman – (Son)

Education: In 1992, she moved on from Pittsfield High School. Not long after that, she went to University of Pennsylvania from where she graduated magna cum laude (signifies “with significant privilege”) in 1996. In 1998, she earned her Master of Fine Arts degree from American Conservatory Theater.

Date of Birth: 10 February, 1974

Birthplace: Pittsfield, Massachusetts, U.S.

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

Religion: Jewish

Ethnicity: White

Nationality: American

Profession: Film producer, Actress, Film director

Measurements: 34-26-35 in or 87-66-89 cm

Bra Size: 34B

Height: 5′ 5″ (165 cm)

Weight: 121 lbs (55 kg)

Eye Color: Blue

Hair Color: Blonde

Dress Size: 06

Shoe Size: 07

Friends: Todd Lieberman

Boyfriend/Dating History:

Max Handelman (2003-Present) – Elizabeth wedded sportswriter and maker, Max Handelman in 2003. She initially met him on first day of the University on September 6, 1992. In March 2011, she brought forth their first kid, child Felix (born by means of a surrogate). In November 2012, the family welcome another kid, child Magnus Mitchell (again born by means of a surrogate).

Known For: Elizabeth Banks is best known for her role of Avery Jessup in the sitcom “30 Rock”.

Active Year: 1998 (present)

Favorite People: David Letterman

Favorite Movies: Bad Santa

Favorite Shoes: Frye Boots

Official Twitter: Twitter Account

Official Facebook: FB Account

Elizabeth Banks Filmography:

Filmography

Film

Year Title 1998 Surrender Dorothy 2000 Shaft 2001 Wet Hot American Summer Ordinary Sinner 2002 Spider-Man Swept Away Catch Me If You Can 2003 The Trade Seabiscuit 2004 Spider-Man 2 2005 Heights Sexual Life The Sisters The Baxter The 40-Year-Old Virgin Daltry Calhoun 2006 Slither Invincible 2007 Spider-Man 3 Meet Bill Fred Claus 2008 Definitely, Maybe Meet Dave Lovely, Still W. Zack and Miri Make a Porno Role Models 2009 Big Breaks The Uninvited Surrogates 2010 The Next Three Days 2011 The Details Just a Little Heart Attack Our Idiot Brother 2012 Man on a Ledge The Hunger Games What to Expect When You’re Expecting People Like Us Pitch Perfect 2013 Movie 43 The Hunger Games: Catching Fire 2014 Little Accidents The Lego Movie Walk of Shame Every Secret Thing Love & Mercy The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 2015 Pitch Perfect 2 Magic Mike XXL The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 2 2017 Power Rangers

Television

Year Title 1999 All My Children 1999 Third Watch 2000 Sex and the City 2001 Law & Order: Special Victims Unit 2002 Without a Trace 2005 Stella 2006–09 Scrubs 2007–08 Wainy Days 2007–08 American Dad! 2008 Comanche Moon 2009–15 Modern Family 2010–12 30 Rock 2012 Family Guy 2012 Robot Chicken 2012 Comedy Bang! Bang! 2013 Timms Valley 2014 Phineas and Ferb 2015 Resident Advisors 2015 Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp 2015 Moonbeam City 2015 The Muppets 2015 Saturday Night Live

Search Terms:

Elizabeth Banks Age. Elizabeth Banks And Husband. Elizabeth Banks Actress. Elizabeth Banks And Julie Bowen. Elizabeth Banks And Family. Elizabeth Banks Sister. Elizabeth Banks Son. Elizabeth Banks Spouse. Elizabeth Banks Daughter. Elizabeth Banks Facebook. Elizabeth Banks Family. Elizabeth Banks Filmography. Elizabeth Banks Films. Elizabeth Banks Father. Elizabeth Banks Husband. Elizabeth Banks High School. Elizabeth Banks Wiki. Elizabeth Banks Wedding. Elizabeth Banks Education. Elizabeth Banks Twitter. Elizabeth Banks Tv Shows. Elizabeth Banks Upcoming Movies. Elizabeth Banks Profession. Elizabeth Banks Parents. Elizabeth Banks Zodiac. Elizabeth Banks College. Elizabeth Banks Bio. Elizabeth Banks Biography. Elizabeth Banks Movies. Elizabeth Banks Movies List. Elizabeth Banks Married. Elizabeth Banks Movie 43. Elizabeth Banks Mother.

[studyinqmuch-blog]

Qustion tag

LAST: 1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: my school district 3. Text message: "who" to my bsf 4. Song you listened to: A song :) 5. Time you cried: idk but maybe this month HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: .... 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yep (its might have been a cat.. who knows) 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yes 10. Been depressed: yeah 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: pastel blue, white and black IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yes! 16. Fallen out of love: hmm 17. Laughed until you cried: yes lol 18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes 19. Met someone who changed you: yup :)( 20. Found out who your friends are: probably but maybe not, who knows 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: nope i dont have facebook GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i dont have facebook but on IG yes 23. Do you have any pets: not anymore 24. Do you want to change your name: in the past yes but i guess now not anymore 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: had a b-day party 26. What time did you wake up: 10 am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping or maybe dreaming 28. Name something you can’t wait for: to finish school! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: 1 sec ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my shyness and social awkward personality & that my aunt wouldnt have died when i was lil 31. What are you listening to right now: my mom talking on the phone (i aint eavesdropping) 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: nope 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ppl twitching their eyes & smacking loudly 34. Most visited websites: youtube & tumblr but mostly youtube LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: 1 but i dont think i have it no mo 36. Mark/s: 1 37. Childhood dream: i want to help my parents with my education and still want to so taking class that would help me get scholarships 38. Hair color: ombre ish from black to brown idk how it works but i NEVER dyed it 39. Long or short hair: probably short but like not too short 40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes 41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes 42. Piercings: none 43. Blood type: Idk 44. Nickname: Miri or Nani (Short for henanita which is migit in english tho i aint short no mo 45. Relationship status: idk tbh 46. Zodiac: tbh ik but i forgot 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV show: hmm fuller house 49. Tattoos: none 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: never had one 52. Hair dyed in different color: in the future i rly want to dye my hair a brown ombre 53. Sport: i love sports doing track next year (this wasn’t supposed to be a part of this but where did question 54 go?? did i accidentally delete it or was it originally non-existent) 55. Vacation: the last vacation was last year to Oklahoma 56. Pair of trainers: um what MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: nothing atm 58. Drinking: water 59. I’m about to: go to the fridge and get ice cream 61. Waiting for: my zebra mildliners 62. Want: "studyblr" stationary 63. Get married: later 64. Career: i have no idea 65. Hugs or kisses: hugs 66. Lips or eyes: both 67. Shorter or taller: taller? but like not too tall 68. Older or younger: older but no too old 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: both 71. Sensitive or loud: im already loud so.. 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: nope 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: yes 77. Turned someone down: yea 78. Sex on the first date: staying virgin boo 79. Broken someone’s heart: yea..woops 80. Had your heart broken: yes 81. Been arrested: nope 82. Cried when someone died: yes 83. Fallen for a friend: yep DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: sometimes 85. Miracles: ye mostly in test :) 86. Love at first sight: meh 87. Santa Claus: my dreams were crushed when i was 6 by my mom, i cried 😂 88. Kiss on the first date: never been on a date OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Nicole 91. Eye color: dark brown 92. Favorite movie: 47 meter down

[stargazingdruid]

My courier six

(Because this fucking game owns my soul) Name: Meera "Julia" Barnes Age: Late teens, early twenties Appearance: 5"4, petite with some muscle, tanned skin and bright blue eyes with messy and short auburn red hair. Was formerly long and down her back before getting shot in the head. Personality: the shot in the head caused her heavy amnesia, the only thing she is able to clearly remember is her delivery and that she came from New Reno. Over time, memory starts to return to her, but her memories regarding Ulysses and the bomb within The Divide are barely tangible. With the amnesia came a sense of fear and depression but a surge of determination. Meera was always a kind girl with a positive outlook, but her journey caused her to become hardened, even though the good heart in her remained. Very short temper, and her emotional outburst causes her head to throb, sometimes leading to black outs. She has a careless attitude to certain things, rushing in head on despite any danger. Regardless, her Intelligence is at a 7 and her knowledge regarding technology is surprising for a girl her age. Background: Meera was born from a woman named Cornelia, a former Follower who was now a Legion Slave and favored consort of Caesar. It is heavily implied that Meera, whom Caesar will only refer to as his "Julia", is his offspring, which led to Cornelia escaping with the help of her older brother, a Follower Doctor named Dante Barnes who managed to set her up into protective custody at New Vegas, where she performed as a singer under numerous disguises and a stage name. Dante, who regularly checked on Cornelia's wellfare, resented little Meera because of how she was born, though felt guilty for it. Cornelia's freedom did not last forever, as through some unknown means, The Legion caught wind and managed to force their way into a slightly less guarded New Vegas (before the Three Families were there) to retrieve "Caesar's Gem" and the child that is rightfully his by blood. Cornelia, wanting to rather die than ever go back, instructed a young tribal boy who had snuck in to watch the woman sing regularly to "find her daughter and bring her to the Mormon Fort." With a bitter and hopeful smile that the only thing from that hell she held dear would be safe, she pulled the trigger to the gun pointing at her head in front of Caesar's top men, killing herself. The boy, a ten year old Benny, found the crying five year old hidden in one of the rooms, taking her by the hand and leading her as he was told to do, only because Cornelia always made sure in the past that he was allowed to stay in the casino if guards tried to kick him out. During the short escape into Freeside, Benny gave Meera the nickname "Miri", which is still a vivid memory in an older Meera's head. After she was brought to her uncle, who was aware of what was happening and knew Meera could not remain anywhere near her, Barnes used what contacts he had to transport he and his niece to New Reno, where he educated the girl in what knowledge he knew and how to defend herself. He was fully aware that the Legion would track them down soon, and he rather have them kill him and assume Meera is dead, which is exactly what happened one cold and dark night, when Meera was only thirteen. Once she was all alone in the world, the broken but kindhearted girl took odd jobs all across New Reno and part of the Mojave, eventually settling as a courier. Meera has her mother's auburn hair and her singing voice, but her eyes always reminded Barnes too much of her monster father. She is not aware of her birth or remembers much of anything of that night, only her mother's voice singing her a lullaby and a boy's hand tugging hers along, saying: "Come on Miri, you have to keep going."