#and I've felt that with a lot of bands before to that get exposed for being shit

[karda]

gentle reminder that if situations like these are affecting you mentally and you genuinely feel like your world is ending, you need to take a step back. parasocial relationships can be so dangerous for your well-being.

17yo me would be having a mental breakdown right now over this, and it took a while for me to realize that was a problem. its ok to be upset, but content creators are not your friends, and you don't know them. you can't let them have that kind of control over your mental health.

[theemporium]

Omg please I've been craving eastablished relationship sirius x fem!reader fluff I feel like i've read through the entire tag

What about rockstar!sirius who misses reader and is moping so james and remus set up a surprise and fly her out to a show and she's standing at the baracade and sirius sees her and like jumps off the stage to go to her?

i love rockstar!sirius my beloved<3 thank you for requesting!!

.

To be frank, Sirius Black had been insufferable for the last two months.

When the band had been touring around the UK and Europe, you were able to join them at most, if not all, shows. Sirius loved having you by his side, knowing that one of his favourite people on the planet was with him whilst he did something he loved. And you loved watching your boy thrive in his element. 

However, when the tour moved to North America, you were unable to follow. 

Despite his insistence that he had more than enough money to take care of you both (and let you be his full time favourite groupie), he knew how much your degree meant to you and he wouldn’t ever want you to drop your dreams when you supported his so much. So, you had stayed in the UK to continue your education. 

And Sirius was downright miserable with the distance between you.

Not that anyone would notice. To the world, Sirius Black was still going out on stage and performing like every show was his last. He was a rockstar through and through, and the world fell in love with him a little more with each performance. 

But to his bandmates? They had nothing but constant whining and complaining and moping that Sirius didn’t have his girl by his side. And, to be honest, James and Remus had reached their wit’s end. They could deal with a lot, but two months of it?

No. They knew they needed to do something.

It wasn’t hard to convince you at all to fly over and visit for a short leg of the North America tour. You had been just as miserable without your boy back home. The apartment felt empty without him. And his guitars were a little dusty, which was a sight you weren’t used to. And having one side of the bed constantly cold, with his scent long faded from the pillows, it was starting to take a toll on you.

You packed a bag and made your way to the airport without a second thought, landing in Michigan the day of their show. 

“This is ridiculous.”

Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s just a precaution.”

“Remus, you want me to get into a suitcase,” you deadpanned, wondering if the tour had finally driven him over the edge. “I am going to suffocate in there!”

“You won’t,” James reassured you with a bright grin. “We’ve done it plenty of times. Plus, it’s just until we can get you into the venue without fans seeing and spoiling the surprise.” 

And you knew he had a point. 

The boys didn’t just want to fly you over and throw you at Sirius. No, they wanted to surprise him, completely knock the air out of his lungs. They didn’t want some lame reunion in a hotel room before he was rushed off onto stage and you were forced to stand backstage until the set ended. 

Go big or go home, and the marauders always chose the former. 

It was why you agreed to get in the suitcase, staying in the cramped space until you reached the venue. It was why you agreed to wear the oversized hoodie, despite standing amongst the fans in the ridiculously hot crowd. It was why you agreed to keep your disguise up until the first few songs passed. 

And then, you threw the hood off your head and you gripped the edge of the barricade as you looked up at the stage, as you looked up at your boyfriend and took in the sight of him for the first time in two months. The tight trousers fitted around his thick thighs, the leather jacket exposing his bare and tattooed torso, the sweat gleaming like a thin layer on his skin and the messy black hair that you missed running your fingers through.

Fuck, you missed your boyfriend.

Sirius lifted his head to look away from his fretboard, his eyes on the crowd as he played the opening riff to the next song, only to stop short when he noticed a familiar face in the crowd. He blinked once, and then twice to make sure it was really you. And by that point, security couldn’t even stop him as he shrugged his guitar off and shoved it into the hands of whoever was closest to him before he hopped off the stage and made a beeline towards you. 

The crowd was going wild as they watched him, the cameras were capturing every moment but you couldn’t care less as Sirius made his way to the barricade, grabbing your face and smashing his lips against yours. It was sloppy, messy and a little desperate, and probably far too much with so many eyes on you but Sirius never really cared about any of that stuff anyways.

“Fuck, I missed you so much, love,” Sirius murmured before he leaned in for another kiss and another and another. And when that wasn’t enough, he all but dragged you over the barricade, grinning wildly when you clung onto him.

“Sirius!” you gasped, your legs wrapped around his waist as his hands rested on your ass.

“God, I missed hearing you scream my name,” he muttered, unable to wipe the smile off his face as he watched you flush at his comment.

“You have a show to perform,” you murmured, nodding your head towards the stage. “I can wait.”

“Well, I can’t,” Sirius told you. “C’mon, let’s go back to the tour bus—”

“Sirius,” you laughed, though there was a hint of warning in your voice which he recognised. “Show first, then sex.”

Sirius grinned cheekily. “Promise?” 

“Promise,” you smiled, leaning down and he pouted his expecting another kiss, only for your lips to brush against his ear instead. “Plus, I want us to have all the time in the world when you see the little surprise I got for you.”

Sirius gulped. “Surprise?” 

“Got ‘em done just before you left,” you told him and his spine straightened in realisation. “Should be healed enough for you to play with them.”

“Show me.”

“Sirius—”

“Baby, show me or so help me, I will lose my mind,” Sirius groaned. 

But you just laughed, patting his cheek as you told him there wasn’t a chance in the world you were going to flash your tits in front of everyone. He groaned as you began untangling yourself from him, making your way backstage where you would watch the rest of the show. Sirius glared at you and your stomach twisted in anticipation. 

“Good luck, baby! Knock ‘em dead!” 

.

[hanhonymous]

The Trainee’s workplace authenticity

One of my favorite things about workplace TV shows is when the characters actually do work. AND when the details of such work are not only relatively accurate, but also essential to how the characters relate to themselves, the world and each other. So far, "The Trainee" is giving that to me in the first two episodes.

Having interned/been an assistant at a TV production company and later moving to entertainment journalism and managing interns/junior writers there, I can appreciate both Ryan's and Jane's POVs. Here's what I liked so far:

Good Pick's pink tube slide and movie theater seats in the lobby - A lot of these entertainment-adjacent companies take a cue from Silicon Valley and have this frivolous, frat-boy design aesthetic -- bean bag chairs, foosball tables, etc. I worked in an office that had a ping-pong table. The idea is to make it fun enough that people want to stay in the office and work longer, which isn't really all that great. You stop seeing that fun stuff after a while and just want to get home. That said, I'd love to work in a company with a fire pole in it, but that would be too much of a liability.

Ryan's fluke hiring - Baimon totally hearing what he wants to hear from Ryan in that sham interview is hilarious but sadly not all that unusual. What sucks is that this is unfair to the manager who then must work with the unqualified person, and unfair to that person hired also, who isn't the best fit for the position. I've been the person saddled by the unfortunate hire and have had to make do … and sometimes you can figure it out, but often you're left doing extra work to make up for their deficits. If it's just an intern, no problem -- they'll be gone in a few months. I felt Jane's pain!

Ryan's uncertainty & silence - That said, Ryan clearly wants to do well but is out of his depth since this was not even what he was learning in school. I remember the first day as a journalist for a small company where I kind of was on my own, and nobody told me what to do. I was like, "WTF??" Part of you doesn't want to ask questions lest you expose your imposter identity, but you're also wondering just how long you can do nothing before someone notices.

The printer always breaks down -- always. You get pretty good at troubleshooting everything until resorting to calling a technician

Jane's prickly demeanor - The fact is that in any company, people who are competent can move up, but that doesn't automatically infuse them with good managerial skills. I think workshops, etc. are a must for anyone who gets promoted and suddenly have people reporting to them. Everyone can get frustrated when they're overwhelmed, so I do have some sympathy for Jane. He does have one skill that I think is essential to be a good manager: identifying and acknowledging the strengths of an employee. It really makes all the difference that he finally sees Ryan as an asset, not a hindrance.

Ryan's skills aren't that bad at all - As soon as Ryan tells his family that he's no help to anyone at work, he immediately shows five different ways how much he's relied on by his family. Yes, people who are competent, reliable and can anticipate needs (like how his sister needs to be reminded to charge the battery after using the camera) will be able to apply those skills to other situations and can go far. Ryan just needs to familiarize himself with the industry first in order to know how he can fill in the gaps. (I believe in being able to change careers and taking big pivots in life.)

The interns banding together - OMG I remember sometimes just being unsupervised while trying to get a project together, and there is a strange bond you have being the youngest and least experienced. And you do have the most stupid conversations.

Being one cog in a bigger machine - I really appreciate how they show all the different departments that have to come together to make one project work -- especially when last-minute changes need to be implemented or a persnickety client has opinions. You complain, you worry, you put in extra late hours and have to make 11th-hour fixes -- but it's so satisfying to see it all come together. Shit goes down, and you fix it.

Hiring extras - The hiring of extras at Good Pick was different from what I've experienced. I actually have been an extra, and what I'm used to is being part of a company or agency that has you in their database, and then you get picked or cast by that company and sent to your gig. But that's in Hollywood and for TV shows & movies. It's probably different for ad houses or in Thailand, but I did like how they showed that it is still a casting process. There are deliberate decisions made, and certain looks sought out. I thought it was hilarious that Ryan's first thought for hiring the salaryman was to get an uncle from the same restaurant as the auntie. If he had his way, everyone in that restaurant would be hired for some gig or another.

Ryan getting scammed by the extra - I was screaming at Ryan as soon as he offered to pay that scammer extra. Just … no, boy. You had to have known that was shady. BUT despite being duped, he was willing to think on his feet and try to solve a problem by being proactive, and that does happen. And so do mistakes. He just needs to calibrate his radar for what is OK. (I'm glad Jane saw that.) Ryan is lucky that it only cost him 1,000 baht for that lesson.

Extras must be on hand and wait - OK this is a scene in the preview for Episode 3, but I was so happy to see it: Extras in Hollywood actually cannot just spend 5 minutes or whatever to do their job, even if that's how much you see them onscreen. There's a ton of hurry up and wait on film sets, and so extras have to stay in Holding -- usually just a designated area with some chairs (sometimes you get tables) -- until you're needed. And production schedules never run on time, so it can be hours or even days. You're lucky if you're there long enough to get a meal, if the temperature is nice, if you're able to make friends with the others and if there's wifi. Sometimes you bring your own clothes for wardrobe based on what you're told, and sometimes the wardrobe department supplements your wardrobe with extra pieces to help complete a specific look. And yeah, you're not able to leave except for the bathroom, so Ryan definitely shouldn't have let that one extra wander off.

"Ryan After Work" - I like these post-credit sequences that give extra insights into the job. And while the first one was more instructional, explaining how the production house differed from an agency, the second was more about the cohort camaraderie (and hinting at Ryan's positive feelings toward Jane). I hope the romance aspect of the show doesn't overshadow the work specificity going forward!

[marimayscarlett]

hi! :) since fans have gotten richard and paul those paulchard flags, banners, pieces of fabric (you know what i mean) during the boat ride a few shows ago, i'm a bit cautious about people taking things a little ... further than they have been before

in my understanding, in fandom spaces, it's mostly agreed upon to keep shipping stuff in those fandom spaces and away from the band members/real life. i say mostly, because people that go overboard are everywhere, and we don't know what kind of stuff the band has been exposed to in the past during meet and greets, signing sessions and so on. on the other hand, i'm not really on instagram, so i don't know what has been going on over there. nevertheless, i've read something about a past girlfriend of richard having been harassed on insta around 2019 when richard and paul first started kissing after ausländer – don't know if i remember that one correctly, though. and with paul being in a long-term relationship, i feel a bit weird about people bringing the shipping name up close to them; or maybe that's just me? i was wondering about how the behavior of one fan might encourage another ones behavior encouraging someone else even further, and so on. though i'm fully aware that everyone is responsible for their own actions. am i taking things too seriously? the band has had years of experience with fans and popularity after all, and i can imagine them being careful with, for example, searching certain things up online

i was curious about your point of view on all this :)

Hey,

Thank you for your detailed message, which I find really balanced and thoughtful! It's an interesting topic, and I've often thought about it, as well as the Paulchard ship itself. I might ramble a bit, sorry.

First of all, I have to admit that I was a bit taken aback when I saw the footage with the flags, as this was the first time a direct contact about this to the band was made. It felt like a fourth wall was being broken - kind of hard to describe. I'm convinced that both of them have some concept of what Paulchard or shipping in general is - Richard had fanfiction/slash explained to him in this interview once and seemed quite neutral, almost positive, about it. Additionally, they both display a clear affection for each other outwardly, so it shouldn't be surprising that specific shipping structures develop from that. I think the dynamic between Paul and Richard is so interesting and attractive to many because a lot has happened in their history. Close collaboration and friendship from the start (x), intense disagreements, fundamentally different personality traits, fiery tempers, strong opinions (x), and yet they seem to have found their way back to each other on a personal level, thanks in part to external mediation (for example by Schneider). They appear to be an emotional support for each other on tour; I get the impression Richard needs this closeness or expressed affection, and Paul seems to have a sense of what his counterpart needs and shows Richard his appreciation, whether on stage or backstage. It's just lovely to see how they've developed over the decades. Their relationship has such a strong humanity with a wide range of emotions, and coupled with the displayed tenderness, it's just very good shipping material, objectively speaking.

I had a feeling that there would be some kind of confrontation about the topic at some point, especially since 2019. I'm glad it was such a 'tame' approach, a sweet flag with a drawing and a heart (even though a drawing of the two without the 'Paulchard forever' would have sufficed). Still, I think this step is enough, and there shouldn't be more actions like this. Rubbing it in their faces more would be unnecessary and unneeded. This is where common sense should kick in. The fact is that Paul and Richard are not together; regarding their sexuality, it's not my place to make definitive statements, but Paul has been with Arielle for ages, and Richard has had numerous longer and shorter relationships with women. So, comments on IG, whether on family members', partners', or Paul and Richard's accounts, are absolutely inappropriate, disrespectful, and detached from reality. We mustn't forget that these are real people with real relationships and feelings, and we really don't need to rub it in their faces. I think shipping in fandom circles is fine, but there must be respect for the individuals in direct interactions, and family members should definitely be kept out of it.

As I said, I found the flag cute and sweet, but more doesn't need to happen imo. I'm also a bit worried that this might inspire others to do something that is too much, which I hope won't happen. In conclusion, I must commend both Richard and Paul for how they handled the situation. Both were mildly interested and took the flag without making a big deal out of it.

Thank you to @m---e---l for gathering some thoughts about this ask and discussing this with me 🤍

[bigdaddyelvislover]

Y'all this is my first fanfiction ever. I rarely write any stories. Actually, I never do. I only did that back in my schooldays when it was an assignment to write a story. It always turned out bad, and very short. I felt like it wasn't good enough. And then, the teachers were gonna judge what I wrote, so I used a lot of time to do it as well as I could. It never worked. That's why I haven't bothered to write anything after that, even though I've wanted to, until now. I think that it will be easier when I decide myself if I'm gonna write, what I'm gonna write about, and when there's no deadline

Pairing: Innocent Big Daddy Elvis × almost innocent reader

Warnings: unprotected sex, blowjob, tiddysucking

Little Darlin'

Your relationship with Elvis contained of kissing, cuddling, having fun and whatever came to your minds.

You were ready to go to bed, and as always, you helped him into his pajamas, even though he didn't need help with that. You love taking care of your big baby.

You're rummaging around in his closet while he's waiting patiently behind you. You pull out his dark blue silk pajamas.

"Come here baby boy, and mama will help you get ready for bed" you make up your voice like a mother speaking to her baby.

"Okay mama"

You lay the pajama on the bed, and you start with gently removing the tape from his long and chubby fingers, then take off his rings, and when you reach around him to take off his necklace, your hands brush against his soft and warm neck and his thick hair. You unclasp the necklace, and lay it and the rings in his jewelry box.

You unbutton his shirt, revealing more and more of his delicious torso decorated with evenly spread hair. After you slide the shirt off his shoulder, you lean in to give each of his nipples a soft kiss, and Elvis makes a soft noise as you do so. You get down on your knees before him, placing your hands on his squishy belly, and gives it a big smooch, before undoing his pants. When his pants fall down, his rhinestone-studded jockstrap comes to sight, and you let out a little giggle, Elvis looking at you innocently.

He steps out of the pants, and you fold them and his shirt nicely and put them aside. You take his pajama pants up, and hold them down to the floor infront of him. He steps into them, and you pull them up, and tie the bands. Then you put on his shirt and button it up, his warm and soft belly pressing against your fingers as you work on the buttons in that region. You leave the three upper buttons undone, so you'll be able to see some of his chest hair. You stand up on your toes, and kisses his cheek. "Now baby, let's go to bed" you take his hand, and leads him the mere meters to the bigger than king-sized bed, and you tuck him in securily, while he is smiling cutely up at you. You walk over to the other side of the bed, and get into the covers with him. He wraps his arms around you, and you nuzzle you face into the exposed part of his chest. "Sweet dreams, y/n" Elvis says softly, his voice deep and creamy, like a balm for your soul. "Sweet dreams, Elvis".

You both close your eyes, and relax completely into each other's warmth. His warm breath his warming the top of your head.

After just a short time, he starts shifting a little, but you keep yourself cuddled close against him. He lets out some adorable soft sounds, and brings you tighter into his embrace, wrapping his legs around your thighs, and pressing his pelvis against your lower abdomen. That's when you feel that something is different. You look down and see a little bulge in his pants. At first you don't know what to do. You've never seen him like this before, and you're sure he doesn't know what to do about it.

"Elvis..." you say softly, and reaches down to gently touch his bulge.

"Nnghhh..." he presses himself tighter against you.

"Touch me more..." his voice is muffled by your neck. You wrap your hand around his package, and begin massaging gently, Elvis' hips begin rocking against you.

"Oohh... oohh yesss..." He clings to you tighter while you keep gently pleasuring him.

"Y/n... more..."

You understand that it won't be enough with what you're doing now.

"Lay down, Elvis" You place your hands on his shoulders, and push gently, indicating for him to get off of you. He falls back heavily onto the mattress, and you sit up beside him. You place your hands on the waistband of his pants.

"Can I?"

Elvis nods, his eyes filled with need and trust. You untie his pants, and pull them down along with his jockstrap, and you hear a low grunt from him as his perfect little one pops out. You bite your lower lip at the sight of his thick and curly pubes, his soft little balls, and his dripping and throbbing member and it's pink head.

You gently roll his foreskin back, and lean down to take the tip between your lips, sucking gently.

"Aahh!" Elvis moans, and arches his back to push more of him into your mouth. "Don't stop!"

You take a hold of his hips for support as you slowly bob your head up and down, and he rocks his pelvis against you. You look up at him to see his head pressed back against the pillow, his eyes shut close, and his mouth open in a silent moan. The sight is intoxicating, and you're starting to feel your own need grow. You take his balls into your hand, squeezing them gently as you place kisses all over his length.

"Y/N!" he moans, grips your hair, and cries softly "I need more!"

"Sshh it's okay" you say softly, and kisses him on the lips. "Let us make love". You didn't know if he knew what that was, so you just hoped for it. But he did know what it was, barely. You get up from the bed, and quickly but elegantly slip out of your nightgown and underwear, revealing the sight for Elvis that no other man has seen. His eyes travel up and down your body in awe, and follow your every move. As you sit back on the bed, he places his hands on your waist, and leans in to kiss your nipples, before taking one of them between his lips, and suckling gently. You moan softly, and place your hand on the back of his head to push him further into your chest. He slips your nipple out of his mouth, and looks up at you. "Can we do it now? his voice sounds almost pleading. You nod eagerly, and you lay down on your back, and spread your legs, and hold out your arms for him to come to you. He looks at you unsurely if he can do it, but he so sorely needs it. He positions himself between your legs, and you give him a reassuring smile.

"Just push in, Elvis. It will be amazing" you say softly.

He grips your thighs, and presses his hips against yours, hoping to slip in some place.

"Aaah!!" He groans, and his eyes roll back as he feels your tight walls envelop him, and you moan too. He lowers himself onto you, and hugs you tightly as his hips start to gently pump against yours. You wrap your arms and legs around him, and pushes your pelvis against his, needing more of him inside you. He moans into your neck as he slides fully into you.

"Aahh...aaahh....aahhh..." the sound of his moans so close to your ear, and the feeling of his belly squishing and grinding against you make you even needier.

"Elvis...more" you say weakly, and he gladly obeys. His hips pushes harder against yours, and his balls start hitting your bum gently. He lifts his head from the crook of your neck to face you, and gazes deeply into your eyes. His face contorts in pleasure, and he gasps widely. Your eyes roll back at the sight of him in such intense pleasure, and you can't help but pull him down to you and take his cheek into your mouth to suck and bite it, but not hurting him. He groans loudly, and presses you down as he kisses and sucks you all over your face eagerly, leaving wet marks of his sweat and saliva. His kisses get interrupted by a loud moan escaping his mouth, and he speeds up, his hips now slamming against you, making his delicious and sweaty flesh jiggle above you. The sight of it captures your attention; his round and soft and hot belly, with the sweaty hair sticking to it, grinding against you, and his round man tiddies covered in perfect chest hair, with his pink little nipples. As the pleasure grows more and more intense, his meat seems too tempting not to be sucked. You push his torso down onto you, and he moans loudly the moment you bite down on his left nipple, and his movements speeds up more. He's now pumping his hips into you furiously, ecstatic waves of pleasure hitting you both over and over again. You press your face into his tiddy, sucking roughly on his nipple, trying to be as close to him as possible.

"Y/n..." he says between heavy breathes "I don't think I can take more" his whole body is shaking, and he's pushing hard into you.

He's starting to cry out in extreme pleasure, and it fuels your arousal too. You both moan and tremble together, your pleasure becoming too much to handle.  "AAAHHHHHHH!!!" He slams hard into you, and you can feel his warm seed filling your womb, and that was the only thing you need to reach your peak too.

"AAAHHHHH!!!" you scream brightly as your lady juices coats his manhood, and he collapses on top of you, both breathing heavily.

After you have gotten your breaths back, Elvis hugs you and whimpers softly.

"You did amazing" you whisper to him, and you gently stroke his soft back. 

I feel like this lacks detail:(

[camlannpod]

Character Playlist: Gwaine Turner

You can find character playlists for Dai, Morgan, Perry and Gwen already posted on our blog (and at the links on their names here).

The last of our main character playlists! Episode 5 is Gwaine's episode, of course. Let's get to know him a little better.

First Class by Rainbow Kitten Surprise

I say I'll be damned if we can make it out of this alive But is this what you want? What you wanted? Do you need love? Am I enough for you? In time you'll find I've got my baggage too

A lot of Gwaine's story is about the tension he feels between what other people expect of him and who he actually is. The Knights want him to be one version of himself, in the way that the rugby team and his friends at university did. Dai wants to be a different version - but the version Dai wants is one which surrenders everything from the other side. Gwaine is caught between all these people who think he's beautiful, who want him and want to use him, and very few of them remember that he too is just a man who's as traumatised and grieving as everyone else is.

2. The Quittin' Kind by Eleisha Eagle

There's a corner you painted yourself in I'm not sure what was your intention Now you're trapped alone on an island And you can't swim, no you can't swim

Gwaine left Dai, Morgan and Perry in the middle of the night in the haunted wilds of Bannau Brycheiniog after they made their escape from the Knights. He stole half their supplies to make it back and he didn't leave a note, knowing they'd assume he'd been killed by something in the night. Obviously, this wasn't a great thing to do to them - especially to Dai. But as we learn in the series, Gwaine did it because he was being pulled back by Arthur's song. And when he got back, he realised he was no longer the only popular jock in the one small group of queer weirdos who understood him. He was alone.

3. Look Alive by Guster

The sun came up The world began to shake Fault lines exposing All my own mistakes If I could do anything Then this wouldn't be happening It's been a long time Since I've felt courageous

Gwaine is extremely frustrated with his own conflict between wanting to be comfortable with his sexuality and also wanting to be everything that everyone wants him to be. He knows that the popular, charismatic man who was drowning in friends before the Cataclysm was not a man that anyone wanted to be bisexual, so he just pretended he wasn't. He was 'straight-passing' (I hate this phrase, it's a core part of Gwaine's character arc), and he hid. And he hates that he hid.

4. Scared of the Dark by Lil Wayne, Ty Dolla $ign, XXXTENTACION

I ain't never scared and I ain't never horrified I just look down at my Rolex, it said it's the darkest times I ain't never terrified, I ain't never petrified You know I see dead people, I just tell 'em, "Get a life"

After the Cataclysm, Gwaine has an even bigger reason to be nervous about opening up about his sexuality to the Knights given their general bigotries. But he also, like Perry, has a job to do. He's a Knight. He protects people. He's the person who rides out alone in the night to go fight the monster everyone else is scared of. Before he left, he took half of the protection duties from Perry for looking after Dai and Morgan. And with the Knights, he's one of a band of brothers protecting what they're pretty sure are the last few hundred people left alive in the UK. So every day, he gets up, and he faces the monsters, because someone has to.

5. Growing Pains by Layup

I walk this world with broken toes From my missteps and told you so's I learned my way, breaking every bone Now I see all these aches will make you grow And every fall has a rise, every burn has a flame From foolish to wise, we all bruise the same

Slowly but surely, left alone with very little decent company among the Knights and no one who really understands him, eating himself alive with worry about what's happened to Dai whilst also begrudgingly reassuring himself that Perry would never let anything happen to him, Gwaine has a lot of time to think, and grow. He starts to get a bit of clarity about the man he wants to be, and starts to learn from his mistakes. He decides to stand up to the men who've backed him into this corner, and for the first time in his life, be something other than what everyone wants him to be. Himself.

6. To the Desert by Branches

I came out to the desert To find what I lost in your eyes I filled my lungs with the sunset And walked out into the night

Gwaine leaves the Knights for Dai. That's not a lie. He wasn't sure whether Dai was even alive before he found him on the radio, but he'd decided months or years walking through the wilderness looking for the love of his life was better than merry bullying in Camelot. He walked into the wasteland.

7. Our Kingdom by Hugo Barriol

If you choose the red, and I choose the blue We can share the green, we can share the green When I've lost my words, looking at you I didn't know your name, I didn't know you could- Change what I see Change the way I feel I was far away from me I wasn't listening

Gwaine knew he was attracted to men before he met Dai - he'd messed around with a couple of people in various ways. He did not know that he could love men before he met Dai, and it's part of why Dai is so important to him. For Gwaine, the nights spent staying up til 3am playing video games were just as important as the drunk hookups he pretended didn't happen. Dai never really realised just how much he meant to Gwaine - he always assumed he was just a passing fancy to him.

8. Gawain by The Trials of Cato

In crashing blows there is no game But when the Emerald Knight begins again I risk my life to make my name

Our Gwaine is determined not to be remembered as a coward. He doesn't want to be cruel, and he doesn't want to hide from who he is or his love of Dai. He's entranced and enchanted by the story, which pulls him in, playing on these tendrils of his desperation for acceptance and catharsis. He so badly wants to prove that he's brave enough to be worthy of a man like Dai. It's an easy opening to exploit.

9. Blood Upon the Snow by Hozier, Bear McCreary

It's not my arms that will fail me But this world takes more strength than it gave me The trees deny themselves nothing that makes them grow No rain fall, no sunshine No blood upon the snow

You get it.

[cherrylng]

Muse HAARP Interview - Matthew Bellamy & Dominic Howard [ROCKIN'ON (May 2008)]

"I think people want an experience where they can feel connected to a lot of people and themselves. I think a lot of people feel isolated and irrelevant to each other in today's culture. We're in an age where we feel like we have extremely little or nothing in common with the people around us."

Release of the live DVD 'HAARP', a non-standard live DVD by a non-standard band! A thorough examination of the chemistry of Muse, the stadium band of the new era!

Interview by Shino Kogawa / Interpreter: Momoko Iwata

Muse's massive concert held at London's Wembley Stadium on June 16th and 17th, 2007, which attracted 80,000 people (of course it was sold out) in one day, was an incredible stage that exposed the band Muse's unconventional structure and extraordinary performance, and has already been talked about many times as one of the major music topics of last year. However, when I watched the DVD "HAARP", which is a package of the two days at Wembley, I still felt like I was going to be blown away, even though I was fully aware of the characteristics of Muse. It is not simply the sheer volume of 80,000 people that is amazing, it is the surprise at the 'volume' of Muse's music that makes you think it is natural to swallow 80,000 people, and the excitement at the scale of Muse's music that makes you think stadium rock is neither nostalgia nor a commercial necessity, but purely an 'absolute requirement' in this day and age. We spoke to Matthew and Dom.

MATTHEW BELLAMY INTERVIEW

Watching the DVD again, it's a truly extraordinary show. With the monumental stage packaged, for the first time you could objectively question the meaning of 160,000 people for two days at Wembley, what is the most intense moment of feedback? 「There were a few, but during 'Blackout' two professional acrobats dangled from helium-filled balloons and danced on top of the crowd, which was a magical moment. It was a magical moment, especially for us, because the audience's attention shifted from the band to the two of them, and we could relax a bit and enjoy the dancing. We weren't just performers from the beginning to the end, but we were able to experience it from the audience's point of view, so in that sense it was my favourite moment at the show, and I'll never forget it. Also, I think we will always remember how nervous we were in the first ten minutes before we went on stage on the first day. It was the most nervous I've ever felt, my mind went blank and I felt like I was completely empty. It was almost like an astral projection experience, as if I was looking at myself from the outside in that state, and finally, about five or ten minutes into the show, I started to feel normal again. There was so much pressure and tension that my spirit just slipped out of my body, or something like that.」

Can you tell us about anything that you didn't realise from the stage that day, for example, that you only realised after watching this video? 「When you're playing in a big venue, you rarely get to see each and every face in the audience. So for us, it was great to see the faces and expressions of the audience up close in this way. When we were editing the DVD, we made a conscious effort to include these images. Also, the acrobatics during 'Blackout,' which we talked about earlier, we actually wanted those two to be the main characters, not the band, as we felt they were…………… We wanted to create that weird feeling of the two of them flying above everybody, like Mary Poppins. That's why it took a lot of work to edit the film so that you don't see the wire that's holding them up. We wanted it to look like they were really floating above the audience.」

Can you tell us about the origin of the name HAARP? 「HAARP stands for the "High-frequency Active Auroral Research Program", a device invented by a man called Nikola Tesla and installed in Alaska by the US government. Some say it's a weapon, some say it's a communications device, some say it's a mystery, but it's a device that can send radio frequencies into the ionosphere (※the layer in the upper stratosphere where radio waves are reflected), and according to Nikola Tesla's research and hypothesis, which the US government purchased, it can manipulate the weather by doing so. Well, this is another conspiracy theory with a quirk. I used a photo of the device in the sleeve of Black Holes and Revelations, and the antenna of the device was actually the original idea for the stage design of the show. There were a lot of metal sets and antenna-like things in this show, and we were going for a design that all looked like HAARP antennas. You could say it was inspired by conspiracy theories, you could say it mimicked a giant communications device, or several communication devices, in short, it's a bit of a strange design like that, and the little light in the triangle symbolises an all-seeing eye.」

Wembley Stadium was not built as a live hall in the first place, so what were the areas you paid the most attention to in terms of acoustics, and what was the most difficult part of recreating Muse's dynamic and detailed music? 「Outdoor shows are always difficult in terms of sound production, both because the place is so big and the echoes are so strong. But we didn't want to compromise on either, so we decided to start with a surround system and put speakers around the whole stadium. That way, the people in the back could hear the sound in real time, as the speakers were very close to them. We rehearsed a lot before the show, but the reverberation was so strong that it was quite difficult to play. The rhythms were all messed up, so we rehearsed more and got used to the echoes and got ourselves to the point where we didn't get dragged down by them. The hardest part was when we were playing away from each other, then you could hear the other two players both in the monitors and in the echoes. But this was more difficult in rehearsals, because when the audience actually comes in, the sound is absorbed by them and the echoes are much less. But now the audience's shouting echoes (laughs)… Well, it was still more fun to listen to.」

The euphoria of 80,000 people in unison during "Starlight", the chorus of the intro to "Knights of Cydonia", the spectacular soundscape and unquenchable afterglow of "Take a Bow". There's no shortage of great moments in this collection, but which song was the most satisfying in terms of the quality of the performance? 「I think it was Knights of Cydonia, because we were so nervous that we weren't sure if we were going to be able to play that opening number well. It was a difficult song to begin with, so it took a lot of courage to open with it. But looking back on it now, it's the most memorable song because it symbolises the change from starting out feeling very nervous to becoming more and more relaxed and enjoying the performance and the show. By the end of that song, we and the audience were really excited, and that led directly to the atmosphere of the whole show.」

On the other hand, there is a negative image of stadium rock as a product of 'old-fashioned rock'. What can you say Muse proved with this Wembley 2-Day show? 「I think we proved that the fans of today also want to enjoy large-scale concerts like this, and want to have fun with many people. I think the fans' desire to do so may be even stronger than it was ten or fifteen years ago. Especially in the last three or four years, big festivals and concerts have become popular, and it might have been the fashion in the 80s, but it's been a long time since then. I think people want this kind of experience where they can feel connected to a lot of people. I think a lot of people in the culture these days feel that way, like they're isolated and irrelevant to each other. We're in an era where you feel like you have extremely little or nothing in common with the people around you. For example, if 60,000 people gather at a show or festival, everyone there likes a certain band or a certain style of music, so something that is common to 60,000 people seems very pure in this day and age. I think those two nights of shows that we did showed to the outside world that everyone's desire to have something in common with other people, to have a common experience, is stronger than ever.」

The overwhelming dramaturgy of Muse's sound was strongly felt again on this DVD. I think this is Muse's unique character, which goes to the opposite extreme of UK indie rock that plays a life story on a scale that suits its stature. Is it partly because of the extreme size of the stadium that you were able to realise 100% of your individuality? 「I think you're right. There are a few of our numbers that are better in a big space like that. "Take A Bow", parts of "Knights of Cydonia", and "Blackout", for example. I think songs with such overwhelming emotion make more sense when there's a bigger audience. I don't really know why that's the case. I think the dramatic elements of the songs are made even more profound by the unique tension and energy that a space as big as a stadium and a big audience can create.」

Do you think the Wembley Stadium show was some kind of milestone for Muse? 「I think we've always had the opportunity to try something new towards the end of a tour, not just this time. Arenas, theatres, and stadiums are all very different experiences, and on the 'Origin of Symmetry' tour we only played one arena show at the end, which was very exciting. On the next tour, the 'Absolution' tour, we started to play at various festivals towards the end… Glastonbury and Reading, we were even surprised that we were there before we knew it. This time, we've been playing festivals from the beginning, and now we've got a stadium show waiting for us at the end. We've learnt new ways of playing live, new ways of presenting the stage, new ways of making people listen, so I hope we'll have more opportunities to play stadiums around the world. At the moment it's only in France and the UK, and in other countries it's still festivals or arenas. After doing it this time, we want fans in other countries to be able to see a show of this scale. I think there have been milestone shows with this band that have represented that. For example, we played our first arena show in France, and the first time we headlined a festival was Glastonbury.」

Incidentally, when we spoke to you last summer, you said: "We have a lot of good rock songs, but not many really great soft songs. I'd like to explore that area in the future." Has the vision for the new album become clearer since then? 「Right now, we have a lot of ideas, but we haven't decided which area we're going to go into yet. It's only when all three of us are together and we start rehearsing that we'll be able to see what's going on. We're on holiday at the moment and haven't played together for about a month. So I have no idea what the next album will sound like, but if I had to say, I think it will be an extension of Black Holes and Revelations. There are a couple of areas that I'd like to explore more with what I tried on that album, and other than that, I'd like to explore a more classically-infused rock sound. Another thing I'm thinking about at the moment is trying some of the new songs out live before we record them. We didn't do that with any of the songs on the last album, but this time we want to try them out live before we record them.」

Are there more shows planned for this summer? 「Yes, a few shows, really. Dubai, South America, and the V Festival in England. And a charity concert at the Albert Hall. So I'm hoping to try out some of the new songs live over the summer or so, to help me decide on the direction for the next album before I record it.」

Apart from that, do you intend to concentrate on the new album this year? 「Yes, we're building our own studio at the moment, so for the first time we'll be able to work in our own studio. So we don't have to worry about time as much as we used to, and we're going to be able to try out more things than usual, which I'm really looking forward to. In fact, I'm looking forward to trying things out and seeing what new things emerge, so I want to be open to that possibility, and in that sense I don't want to go in too detailed a direction at this point. We're going to try all sorts of things this time, and if the result is a completely unexpected style or sound, then I'll be very happy about that.」

DOMINIC HOWARD INTERVIEW

What is the most powerful feedback moment in the memory of 160,000 people over two days at Wembley? 「I'll never forget being extremely nervous before the show. When I got in front of everyone at the stadium, I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest (laughs). But at the same time I was really excited, and when the show started and I saw how the audience got really excited, all the nerves I had been feeling blew away. I realised that if I didn't have time to be nervous, I should just enjoy it as much as possible, and in fact, the performance went well and the audience got really excited, so it was great. I was just full of emotion from the beginning to the end. Also, the acrobats hung from balloons and danced on top of the crowd, which was great. It was a nice moment for us to take a breather and watch them dance while we played. Those two nights were amazing, all three of us were on a high for weeks afterwards (laughs).」

At the same time, is there anything you couldn't see from the stage that day that you didn't realise until you saw this video? 「Over the months after the show, I watched the footage of those two nights closely……. I also watched a lot of the footage that people had uploaded on YouTube themselves. Most of them were taken by phone and they were all great, but at the same time shocking. It was intense, emotional and…… Because the footage itself is terrible, but it's all from the perspective of someone who was there as an audience member, and some of them were crowd surfing, some of them were jumping up and down the whole time, and some of them were singing much louder than the band the whole time, and it was quite a sight for me to see them like that. I was like, "Who the hell are these guys?" (laughs). Watching some of those videos and seeing so many people enjoying our shows, of course you can see that from the stage, but seeing our gigs again from the audience's own perspective, I was overwhelmed. To think that we were able to connect with that many people was really inspiring.」

Was the decision to release Wembley 2 Days on DVD made before the show? 「It wasn't clear at first, but we did get the recording right. But that's something we do all the time, so it's not like this time was special. So, a little after the show, we watched the recorded footage again and there were a lot of really good moments…… I'm not talking about our own performance, but there was a lot of footage that really captured the atmosphere of the stadium that night. You could feel the energy of the people who were there, that kind of realistic footage. At the time, all three of us were on a high from the aftermath of that gig, so we were like, "We have to release this!" (laughs) But playing a show of that scale in that stadium was an important milestone for the band, and we wanted to share it with the audience, even if they were the only ones there to see it.」

What was the most difficult part of the stage design? 「The width of the stage was quite wide, so I wasn't sure if HAARP would be able to fill the space. I was also worried about the fact that there was no roof on the stage (laughs). It was a completely open stage and there was no roof, so we had to light the stage from the side or from below, and the thing that worried me the most was the rain. But luckily it didn't rain, so that was good. Still, simply getting everything to run smoothly was a lot of work in itself, and we also had to create new visuals for the screen, introduce new camera technology, and in any case introduce a lot of different things that we hadn't done before and make them our own in a short period of time, so it was quite a challenge.」

Which songs have you been most satisfied with in terms of the quality of your live performances? 「First of all, "Stockholm Syndrome". That song always sounds good no matter what venue we play it in (laughs). It was perfect this time, it was a lot of fun to play and I also really liked the way it was captured on film. The visuals on the screen, which looked like an old video game from the 80s, suited the song. The number itself is full of energy and chaos like that. Also, "Knights of Cydonia" was pretty good. The crowd was so excited, partly because it was the opening number, and when the riff came in towards the end of the song, everyone was going crazy, and I almost stopped playing because it was so loud (laughs). I also like "Blackout". It was a different atmosphere because of the acrobats, and it was nice to have the crowd's attention shifted away from us and relax a bit.」

At the beginning of the show, the three of you walk from the centre of the arena to the stage through the flower aisle, right in the middle of the audience, just like Moses splitting the sea. If you had to describe in one word the emotions that were swirling around inside you as you walked over there, what would it be? 「I remember very well that everyone was screaming like crazy, it was all so surreal. I don't know if it was happening in real life or not. At the same time, I remember I was really excited and getting really pumped up. As I walked around looking at everyone's faces at close range, I was getting more and more excited. But it's a really bizarre experience to have someone shout at you that close up (laughs).」

(laughs). From your vantage point on the drum set, how well could you see the audience? 「I could see pretty well. In the first half the sun was still bright. I try to look further away from the audience, not at the front row. That way I check the whole scene, rather than just looking at certain people. But you might think it's surprising, but at that show I could see quite well from here. Right down to the last row of the stadium. At a normal gig, you can hardly see anything because of both the darkness and the glare from the lights, so in that sense, it was good this time. Also, some of the songs were pre-decided so that the audience would be illuminated. Well, we always do that, but this time we wanted to see how the crowd was getting into it, so we did that more often than usual. That's why I was a bit scared when I saw them (laughs). When the stadium gets dark, you can't see anything, but then suddenly the lights come on and the whole place comes to life. That was an unforgettable sight.」

On the other hand, there is a negative image of stadium rock as a product of 'old-fashioned rock'. What did Muse prove with this Wembley 2-Day show? 「I think that stadium rock may have been popular in the 80s, but nowadays there are more and more people who want to see good live acts. In the same vein, I think stadium rock is becoming cool again. We'll make it cool again (laughs). But it's true that a lot of bands are actually playing big concerts, like Coldplay, Radiohead, and Arctic Monkeys. So I think the trend of the times, or what people want to see, is moving in that direction. We were the first band to play at the stadium, so I guess that's pretty good (laughs).」

Is the overwhelming dramaturgy of the Muse sound in part 100% possible because of the extreme size of the stadium? 「Yes. Especially with some of the songs, the huge space made it possible to showcase them even more than usual…… The songs that were originally large in scale filled the space well, and the ones that weren't, at least they didn't get overshadowed by the venue. At the same time, how we played those songs was also important. In fact, we play a bit differently than usual, for example, our gestures are naturally larger to fill a larger space. In that way, it's all up to you. How to show and make people listen in that much space. On the other hand, in a smaller space, I can play like I'm being wrapped up. So in short, it doesn't matter how big the venue is, it's important to adapt ourselves to the place.」

Would you say the Wembley Stadium show was a milestone for the band Muse? What are your next goals? 「For now, I guess it's just finishing the next album (laughs). I'm going to concentrate on that this year. We've done two stadium nights here at Wembley and one in Paris, but it feels like we're not done yet (laughs). The production was good, the stage design was pretty cool, and I think it's a shame that it only ended with those three shows, and I'd like to do more in the future if the opportunity arises.」

Translator's Note: A short interview, but a good one.

[aeolianblues]

Realising. I have (/had) a lot of sympathy for NME, since they played a big part in shaping musical and pop culture, and crucially, I started reading NME in 2013. The things artists said about them being two-faced shits did not really resonate with my experience of reading the NME. I'd spent a decent amount of time over the years, watching people like Andrew Trendall do good, in-depth and considered interviews with artists, often video ones that are less easy to manipulate if you will, that actually treated musicians like complex, thinking, feeling human being trying to express themselves through art, and writers like Rhian Daly who wrote a lot of the news stuff pretty factually— none of the snark that accompanied every news story of the past. I was fairly sympathetic to their cries of no one supporting journalism anymore, and I was saddened by them going out of print in 2018, and I agree it's a hellish landscape for journalism in general; worse for a non-news, leisure magazine like a music mag. I was happy that they were coming back in any form at all, with those bi-monthly (every 2 months) magazine drops.

I realise now (after the Fontaines incident, which I thought was in extremely poor taste after they'd spent the week before that posting clips of Andrew's 30-minute interview recorded at Grian's house) that had I been reading NME even 5 years before I started, I might certainly have been in the chorus of people celebrating the publication's woes. They were fucking horrible. Particularly from the late 00s onwards, they just got more and more tabloid. They ragged on new bands repeatedly. If you looked a certain way, if you had certain sentimentality, they would eat you alive, even as any other infrastructure in place to give you a boost slowly fell apart.

I realise now that they were on the back foot. They were playing niceys because they knew that they got way more publicity out of doing a collaborative Instagram post with pink pantheress than she got out of it. They went down the tiktok artist discovery route, they branched into covering K-pop (notably, not in NME Asia, as they did with indie bands from Asia, but in the UK/global NME). All just finding the artists with the largest audience they could woo or at least expose their website advertisers to. BTS don't need the NME, their fans don't even read it. They are too busy compiling 'x weeks since BTS has been in the Spotify charts; stream BTS, army!!' charts on twitter. All BTS gets out of this is saying they've fulfilled UK/English language press obligations, and maybe hopefully exposed themselves to someone over age 35.

Then the Oasis reunion happened. 35 articles a day. And the minute they found an opening to rag out a new band, throw them to the dogs (Oasis fans over the age of 45), they did. Stirred up this shitstorm—the Fontaines 'controversy' is that their guitarist and bassist aren't Oasis fans. That's 'controversy'. That is the stupidest thing i've heard. They're allowed that opinion. To turn it into a focal point story also is to imply that this is a point we should take note of and cross-examine. I think they did Fontaines so fucking dirty, and it reminded me of why people were wary of these magazines in the first place. They wait until they have the moment and momentum to sell you out, and they do at the first chance. So distasteful.

So yeah, this felt like old-school NME bullshit. No wonder most millennials don't feel too kindly about them. Gen Z readers caught them at a low ebb.

I'm not saying burn them all down! I'm saying this culture and attitude still very much exists in journalism, dormant as it stays right now. Look at the tabloids.

[omegalomania]

Hello this is random but that post you made yesterday about the I'm like a lawyer debut has given me so many brain worms. Do you happen to know Why it was such a huge, shocking thing for them to play/watch? I've been trying to figure out why but can't seem to find any information. Thanks in advance! :)

oh my god i wrote a whole thing and then tumblr's piece of shit editor DELETED it. take 2 here we go

one thing i wanna emphasize is that i'm just some guy and by no means the most qualified to discuss this. anyone who has the capacity to weigh in constructively is absolutely encouraged to do so. this is just what i know/remember.

SO the video fall out boy did for "i'm like a lawyer with the way i'm always trying to get you off (me & you)" was done pretty unconventionally for them. it doesn't feature them super heavily and instead focuses on a pair of ugandan teens who fall in love until one night the boy is stolen from his home and conscripted as a child soldier. he manages to escape and reunites with the girl and by the video's end they're standing together and holding hands. the band features very peripherally, just kind of playing in between the larger story beats.

fall out boy went to gulu, uganda for the shoot, and shot the video entirely in 24p cameras so they could donate the money that would have gone to music video costs to a local cause in the area (pete doesn't specify but he says he thinks it's going to a school). they also used the video to highlight a nonprofit organization called invisible children, whose mission statement is to prevent the use of child soldiers by a particular group called the LRA (who were operating in uganda at the time). if you were on the internet in the 2010s you probably remember the "kony 2012" viral video campaign; i certainly do. the movement initially aimed to get the guy in charge of the LRA arrested, but ultimately it also kind of exposed a lot of controversy about the invisible children organization itself, how legit their intentions and methods were, and so on. again, there's a lot going on here and i'm not the best person to unpack it so i do encourage you to read up on this on your own.

the important part is that this video was shot in 2007, aka a full 5 years before kony 2012 became a household name. basically fob's intention was to raise awareness for a really long-running civil war going on in africa, and to basically put their money where their mouth is. regardless of the efficiency and effectiveness of the invisible children organization (which i think is very worth criticizing for my part), pete at least believed in the ethos of it - he took part in pushes to raise awareness in the US prior to embarking on the video shoot. he figured if people were gonna be paying so much attention to fall out boy anyway, maybe they could shine that spotlight on people who could use it.

again, this was filmed on location, so they were actually there - they've all cited this particular trip as pretty life-changing to say the least. pete did some journal entries during this time and uploaded them all in one block after the video debuted in july 2007, in which he talks about being just generally kind of scared but also excited. the one entry that i think stands out to me most in that is this one:

t.i.a.- the acronym for the most applicable phrase ever. when the taxi never comes, or drops you off at the wrong spot, when the electricity goes off every single night, when there is sand in your rice- "this is africa" is simply what is said. at an ngo hotspot resturaunt- the only people that go to africa are christian or have a deathwish- not sure where we fit into that. so many white people it felt like the suburbs. there are over 100 ngos in gulu alone and the people still live in utter despair. at dinner people spoke of danger and missions- of the congo- the way people back home speak of gambling in vegas or frat parties. you win some, you lose some. the air everywhere smells acrid and burnt. ive been told its because people burn their trash here. walked part of the way in the pitch black , kind of as tho we had a mugger fantasy. oh well. ended up on the backs of "boda bodas"- these little 300cc motorbikes shooting off under the stars. and they never looked so goddamned bright anywhere on this planet as they do tonight in gulu. im gone.

so to answer your question: it was an intense (and emotional) video in that it a) was genuinely aimed toward spotlighting a social cause, and b) it was very very unlike any fall out boy video that had been done prior to then. this was 2007 so fob was at the peak of their prehiatus fame, and the whole celebrity culture crush was at an all-time high. i dont want to claim that they were the only artist doing this kind of thing at the time but it did kind of stand out compared to the way fob were being marketed during this stage (as in a focus on appearances and how they were these cute nonthreatening boys).

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

hey, I'm writing to you because you seem to be a very trusted person, and I don't have anyone with whom I could talk about it in rl. exactly 3 years ago I discovered bts, and I still believe that those first weeks of watching their content were the best time of my life, those videos with their funny moments became my escape from the real world. Before I knew it, I became so attached to bts that at one point they were an integral part of me. However, at the beginning of 2022 I slowly started to lose interest, I thought that I would finally move on with my life and forget about them. But then their hiatus and military enlistment were announced. that's when I realized that I had been taking them for granted and that I hadn't appreciated them when they were still in the band together. I think this break is needed, both for the bts members and for ourselves, because we can analyze why we became bts fans in the first place and why we want to continue to stay with them.

Hey! Trusted by whom haha? Thank you! The only person I talk about BTS irl with is my mom, but she doesn't really get it, so I feel you.

I understand what you mean. I felt a growing distance from BTS in 2021 when most of the content we got were ads and campaigns - so many of them, and so random, like they were trying to build their own Amazon with just with their sponsors' products and services. There was minimal music, Bangtan Bombs, performances, etc. to carry us through, and let's just say PTD was not my favorite song. The "hiatus" announcement also "pulled me back in", though I'd never left, but I became a lot more focused on BTS again. I don't believe I'd been taking them for granted, but BTS being sort of "broken down" into its essential parts - each of the members - forced us all to look at each of the seven, as well as the whole group, in a new light, and thus our relationship with the members and BTS naturally shifted. Army itself is different now and the solo era revealed a lot about the fandom that used to be hidden or less obvious when we were all united under a common goal - we still have many shared goals, obviously, and we've always had our own agendas as well, but now almost every faction of the fandom has its own agenda and they mostly don't coincide.

Solo era isn't making me reconsider why I like BTS and why I want to stay a fan, apart from reinforcing why I love the seven the most and why their group dynamics are essential to me being Army. It's also making me miss them more. I guess. unconsciously, I can't abandon them now, even I wanted to, because I have to stay with them until they reunite and prove my loyalty? But I have been reflecting on my relationship with Jungkook, in particular, since I don't have the same kind of attachment with anyone else and, honestly, no one else has revealed himself so much as Jungkook. The other members are mostly still a mystery while Jungkook has been peeling back the layers to expose himself in a way that has us reeling tbh. It's very weird with Jungkook because it feels like I'm "losing" him yet also like I've never felt so close to him, because we're connecting as people, and less as fan/artist?

Anyway, I understand why you might feel this way and I hope you found a way to reconnect with BTS. As Army, we don't want to feel like we've "abandoned" BTS and walk away from years of devotion and loving them - I get that completely -, but you don't have to force yourself to hold on to them if you don't want to, and it almost seems like you might feel a bit pressured to?

Thanks for the ask! You can come vent anytime! I guess people really do feel comfortable talking to me and I'm really grateful for that.

[freakingoutthesquares]

Now Then Magazine - A Magazine for Sheffield

Russell Senior: Freaking Out The Squares by Ebony Nembhard, JANUARY 2016 Original article here

Released almost two decades after he left Pulp and over four years since the reunion back in 2011, Freak Out The Squares: Life In A Band Called Pulp is Russell Senior's honest and witty depiction of his life in Pulp, which details various encounters throughout his time in the band, through uphill struggles and the dizzy heights of stardom. "It probably reads as if it was written very quickly, but it took a long time to write. I mean, it's a bit like writing a pop song. You know, those effortless, three-minute, naturally seamless songs. It takes a lot of craft to make things sound effortless," says Russell in between taking sips from his pint. 

What was the initial driving force behind your decision to publicly release such personal, intimate thoughts in the form of an autobiography? And why now? It was a book I always felt I should write, but it was too close to the events and I suppose I had too much baggage at certain points. I kind of thought somebody ought to write it and that I'd probably be the best person to write it. However, the thing that really spurred it was the reunion tour in 2011. I was keeping a diary over the course of that, and so throughout that journey it prompted quite a lot of reflection on the whole shebang. So I had my structure - my diary - and I got transported into that other world when I was writing about it. It was such a natural thing. And y'know, the story of Pulp is this big - the chronicle would be an incredibly tedious thing - and the other thing was, try not to say anything to horrible. The story of Pulp is a rambling, epic tale. I've been pressed at various point to 'expose'. Expose what? I'd have to be hyping it up, certainly in terms of shagging groupies. This was not going on to any extent. I mean, Pulp were quite prudish, not prudish but perhaps more respectful towards women. I mean, the women around were our friends, not prey. People always want that reveal, like shagging groupies and crocodiles at the same time. In a way I wish we had. One of my great regrets is getting to the age of 30 and having a partner before any offers really came my way. The reality is, we weren't shagging groupies, we were doing our ironing. 

How crazy did the prospect of a reunion seem after 14 years? It was an alien intrusion on my life, as my life had very firmly put that behind. I mean, the first time I typed 'Pulp' into the internet was when I was researching this book, after I'd written it, to get some of my facts straight. I'd had no idea if they'd split up or not, so I'd really switched off from it. I also coincidentally lost my filofax shortly after leaving, so all the people that I might have been in contact with, you know the guys from Suede that I got on with or whatever, I didn't. I kind of fell off a cliff completely, and then all of a sudden there's this guy saying come back to this thing. On the one hand it's very frightening, but on the other hand it's like, 'Oh, but what if?' I miss the buzz of going on stage. It's frightening - simultaneous panic and temptation. 

You discovered Pulp through reviewing one of their shows back in 1980 for your fanzine and ended up joining three years later in '83. Did you envisage becoming a part of the group back then? What were your initial thoughts of Pulp? They weren't the group I wanted to join, to be honest. They weren't my favourite group in Sheffield. In a way, I didn't join the band, as they had actually split up. I did a play that had Jarvis in it and started doing music again, which is how it all started. So in a way, to me there's a complete separation between those two incarnations of Pulp. Obviously, to someone else it doesn't seem like that, but for me it does. There were ten other groups in Sheffield that if they'd asked me to join them, I would have bitten their arm off.  As for Pulp at the time, I thought they were sort of a pleasing, entertaining comedy band and then they went all windy and po-faced, and I didn't like that at all. In short, I didn't really take them very seriously. 

You famously left Pulp back in 1997, at the height of the band's newly found fame and mainstream success. Would you do things differently second time around? No. It was like a weight was lifted from me. I was no longer defined by being in this band and was able do other stuff, have a family life. I really don't regret it, and I suppose nowadays, I might not have had the courage to do that. I think it was a brave thing to do, like that cartoon, Roadrunner. He walks off the end of a cliff without realising, then he looks down and sees this drop. In a way it feels like I was doing that, walking off the end of a cliff, but it was okay in the end. 

Back in 2012, you co-wrote Two Tribes with Ralph Razor, a musical about the miners' strike of '84. You also became heavily involved in industrial action yourself on the frontline at the time. How have your political interests influenced your music? That's a good one, a difficult one and one that I'm not sure exactly how to answer. I think in Pulp, I was probably the most politically active and was sort of bringing that in. However - and, I think, rightly - we didn't become an issue-based band. Even when I was at my most active, I would like to think that I appreciated the separation of art and politics. Otherwise it becomes propaganda. The irony is, after I left, Jarvis became political and started writing songs about the miners' strike and I encouraged him to go on a demo for the first time in his life. I've got less left wing as he's become more left wing, 20 years too late. I wonder what we'll be up to in 20 years' time.

Despite rejoining Pulp for the reunion tour back in 2011, you chose not to continue with the band after that. What were your reasons for bowing out? First off, it was a romantic idea. The idea of resuming a career, that was kind of on the cards. There were a lot more offers than I'd accepted, but I like the poetic beauty of having every show special. In a way that seems kind of prissy, as it ended up with me not playing Sheffield Arena, as I don't enjoy it as a venue. In fact, I was trying to organise something up at Park Hill, but the timings were off. This is not about being a precious artiste. In that book we did an arena tour and I can't remember a thing about it, solely due to the fact it wasn't at all memorable. Whereas those little connections, like that guy in Strasburg, some schnapps after the show - that's what it's all about. It's very human stuff. Pulp was all about the human stuff, the smaller details. I will turn down more money than I've ever made in my life - and have - to maintain that purity. There you go, fuck it. I'm still poor! 

What is the one thing that you want readers to take away from the book? I'd like them to feel that they got lost. I hate flashback stuff. There are also points where I don't remember where I was at a certain time. So I want people to get lost and feel like they're in it. I wanted people to walk in my shoes. I lead a normal life. I don't have a helicopter landing pad, I live in a three bedroom house, yet this massive thing happened. Imagine if it's you. You're about to go onstage. You're this middle-aged bloke and you've done this thing, used to be kind of glamorous. I also (and probably didn't succeed in this) didn't want the book to rely on too much 'hip inside knowledge', so that someone in 100 years time from now in Japan can get a sense of it, because it's sort of universal. 

Freak Out The Squares is out now via Aurum Press. 

[red-hot-freaky-peppers91]

Meant to be part 2:

I wrapped the towel around my body and that's when I realized. I had left all my clothes in the duffel bag downstairs. Fuck. Now I would have to venture downstairs past all these rockstar men in nothing but a towel you have got to be kidding me. I walked out of the bathroom and saw no one phew. That's when I heard one of the coolest guitar licks I have ever heard in my life. I realized it was coming out of the room next to the bathroom with the door wide open. Must be John I thought. I stood in the door frame. John didn't look up he just kept playing he was looking down at the guitar completely oblivious to anything else around him it was incredible. Just him and his guitar. He finished the lick and looked up at me wide eyed. "That was incredible John" you said in awe at his talent. Maybe I'm delusional or maybe it was the sight of me in a towel but I swear I saw John flush red. "Oh um thank you y/n" John said stuttering. "Is that on the new album?" I asked. "Oh um no just something I was messing around with for fun I guess" John said. "Geez that's amazing I see why Anthony wanted you in the band" I said. John smiled. "Oh and um I'm sorry about earlier" John said. "Oh um it's ok" I said. Then it got a little silent like awkward silent until  I saw his huge shelf full of CDs "Wow! Is that your cd collection?" I asked. "Oh um yeah yeah" John said. "Wow Bowie, Hendrix, Velvet Underground ugh I love Velvet Underground" I  said looking back at John  who sat there watching almost admiring you. "Well you have excellent taste John." I said smiling at him. "Thanks yeah I'm a huge fucking Hendrix fan he's a big inspiration of mine." John said. "Wow that's so cool how long have you been playing guitar?" I asked him. "Oh um well since I was 9 and i remember in middle school all the record store guys thought I was cool cause I was this tiny little kid playing all these Hendrix riffs." John said smiling. He looked so happy to tell you about guitar. "Wow that's so awesome John it really shows." I said leaning down and looking at the lower shelves full of CDs. And that's when it happened. My towel slipped down fully exposing my  breasts. "Oh um um I should probably go get my clothes" I said extremely embarrassed. John chuckled and looked back down at his guitar. "Hey it's nothing I haven't seen before" he yelled at you as you ran out of the room.

Things were getting better. But they also weren't. It was nice to be with the guys you listened to them jam a lot and listened to them discuss the finishing touches they wanted on their album. You Flea and Chad had fun together you would watch funny movies and play games and get drunk together. You saw John sometimes but he hid away in his room playing guitar a lot. You were slightly worried about him you never saw him eat or anything he would randomly appear but was mostly up in his room with his guitar. The bad part was that you were still emotionally processing this break up. Anthony was there for you though when he could be. You stay up late with him and he would let you talk and talk and talk and he would just listen and give his advice where he felt it was necessary. If you cried he would hug you and bring tissues. All the guys really wanted to help you feel better. Well almost all of them... You didn't feel like crying tonight you felt ok right now. Anthony was sitting up with you and the other guys were busy with other things. "Y/n I um I wanted to talk to you about something and ask you something." Anthony said. "Oh um ok" you said. "So you know our album is coming out next week right" Anthony said. "Yeah I know I'm so proud of you guys." You said smiling. "Well and then with a new album comes a tour." Anthony said pausing. You just nodded knowing what he meant was y/n it's been 2 weeks now pack your shit and get your own place. "I'm sorry Anthony I can leave I've definitely overstayed my welcome I'm-" "No, no Y/n that's not what I meant at all actually what I mean was I was asking you if you would be interested in coming on tour with us?" You were taken aback. "Oh um hmm really you really want me to this isn't like pity is it Anthony?" "No no it's all the guys like you were all friends and you know maybe I could use an assistant or someone to tune our instruments or honestly just having you to keep us around from killing each other and to keep it fun" Anthony said. You were silent thinking about things. This tour would be fun but it would be sort of putting your acting career on hold for right now which would really piss of your manager and you needed to get your life back together. But this was an escape sort of like a vacation sort of like a reset... "if you don't want to you don't have to I just wanted to offer it'd be so fuckin fun Y/n it really would". "Alright I'm in" you said.

The tour was going amazing you and the guys had been getting along really well you and John weren't super close he was the only one who never really talked to you. So here you were sitting backstage eating a piece of pizza well everyone else ran around in a frenzy. That's when John came to sit by you. "Hey" John said. That made you almost choke on your pizza the fact John was starting a conversation with you. "Hey what's up" you said. "Not much I'm just about to go play in front of 20,000 fans but other than that my life is boring." John said smiling. You laughed. "Hey um are you and Anthony um like a thing?" John asked. You were taken aback. In fact you started laughing. Really hard. John flushed and looked embarrassed. "Oh no no we are the farthest thing from that believe me we are just friends we're like siblings I would never and he would never." You said shocked John would think you guys were together and thought it was very random of him to ask. "Oh um ok well I just wanted to make sure" John said he looked happy with your answer. "Hey um do you wanna come back to my dressing room with me?" John asked you. "Oh um sure why not" you replied getting up from the floor and following John to his dressing room. It was a pretty boring room there was a couch a mirror Johns guitars a bag of chips and  a paper with the set list on it. You sat down on the couch and John started reading the set list. It felt sort of awkward but it was whatever John invited you in here so it wasn't like you were intruding. "I like having you on the tour by the way" John said. You were a little surprised you barely knew John. "Oh uh thanks." You said. "Yeah you know me and the guys can get a little hecktic with each other sometimes mostly me and Anthony but you bring a nice vibe to the tour." John said to you. You laughed. "Why are you laughing I'm being serious." John said. "I'm laughing because you have barely acknowledged my existence and now you're telling me how you like me hanging around." You said. John flushed and a smile spread across his face. "Well um you know maybe I was just scared to talk to you." John said nervously. "Oh" you said surprised by his reply. Just then there was a knock on the door. "5 minutes till we're on Fru" Flea yelled. "Be right there" John yelled back. "Fru?" You said. "Oh yeah my last names Frusciante it's like a nickname." John said. "John Frusciante hmm that's a good name." You said. John laughed and looked at you like you were weird you couldn't really blame him. "Alright we'll I gotta go bye Y/N... John paused asking for your last name. "Y/LN" you replied. "Alright well  see you later Y/N Y/LN" John said leaving the dressing room. You smiled to yourself. You had to admit John was pretty damn cute.

[matthewtangemanphoto]

A Season of Spring Skiing in the San Juan Mountains

Or, my test-drive blog post.

I started skiing when I was 2. My approach to skiing has gone through a lot of different phases over all that time - from not really enjoying it at all, to being a wannabe racer, to just wanting to ski the backcountry, to being a park rat, a wannabe freerider, a Baker bro, a turns-all-year acolyte, to someone whose ski season doesn't really start till April. I'm still adjusting to the continental snowpack after moving to Colorado from the PNW four years ago. Ice climbing tends to fill my winters, though I did ski more powder in 2024 than other recent years, but those six weeks from the middle of April to the end of May are still my favorite six of the year.

After a month on a work assignment in Baja, my ski season began with a series of epic powder days on the Trout-to-Ophir tour, a popular shuttle mission in the NW San Juans.

Yours truly in Gemini (top). The Himalayan Face, always calling (lower).

After one T-to-O day, Dani made me take a picture with my photo of her in Backcountry Mag, and I'm quite glad she did.

One day skiing Gemini with Dani, I brought the drone along. Check out the video here.

Shortly thereafter, stuck again yearning for someone else to get into the mountains with, I did a solo mission, Trout-to-Ophir-and-back-to-Trout (nixing the shuttle option in favor of my own legs: the hermit's choice, not the smart one). I skied the Big O, one of the more prominent couloirs in Waterfall Canyon, made some GS turns through hero hippy pow into the bottom of the canyon, and upon realizing it was too warm to stick with my original plan of climbing back up an adjacent couloir to regain the ridge and descend back to my car, I took the long way out, tracing Waterfall Creek through low angle but consistent terrain, safe from the warming slabs and cornices that would haunt me otherwise. Not safe from dehydration and sleep deprivation, which always hit me like a train those first couple warm spring days.

Hero turns upon exiting the Big O.

I regained the ridge at a new-to-me location on the west shoulder of Pilot Knob, with a steep, exposed, unknown face between me and my car. My "safer exit" suddenly was feeling much less safe. I had a lot of words that day to describe the position I found myself in, dropping in blind on a face that I knew deadends in cliffs for 95% of it's width. Today, 3 months later in the middle of a record setting July heatwave, I don't seem to have as many. I trusted my intuition, ski cut a windslab, and followed my gut down towards what I hoped would be a sneak line through the cliff band. It went, but barely - just a couple centimeters wider than my 184cm skis through it's gut, I made almost 1000 feet of hop turns before exiting onto familiar below-treeline terrain and lovely cruise back to the car.

Is it gonna go?

It goes! We got lucky. The 'Pilot Pinner' is a couloir I would actually welcome skiing again.

Next stop, The Coors Face, on Shandoka (Wilson Peak). This line needs no introduction. For me, it had been the only line in the San Juans to ever turn me back, having attempted it 3 times in the previous year (wind slab, a late start, and a rocky, not-filled-in crux being the 3 reasons I bailed).

Three previous bails left me feeling stubborn, I guess, and Nick and I skied it in mediocre conditions that I would not repeat again. Of all the '50 Classics' I've skied, this was by far the worst in the given conditions. An inch of sugar snow often covered large, lurking sharks. I blew out an edge on one of them. It was kinda scary, and not really in the calculated, controlled sort of way, more of the 'this is stupid' kind of way. The crux was largely rock, and I booted a small section. I'm glad I did it, but it truly felt like checking a box, which is not the way I want any of my mountain experiences to feel. I would need a record setting snowpack to come back.

Nick on the thin face. Shark attack!

Once through the choke, the lower couloir and apron was phenomenal. I would ski that section any day.

Photo by Gus Bosch, who skied the line a couple days later. You can see my and Nick's tracks in the central couloir, lower on the face.

After that, I racked up 30000 feet of vert in a week of skiing in the Elk Mountains. I skied a couple more San Juan classics too, such as the Naked Lady.

The last Colorado ski mission of the season was in the La Plata Mountains, whose western facade presides over Montezuma County and is a never ending source of beautiful sunset landscapes from the mesa above my house in Dolores. The small sub range of the San Juans offers incredible powder skiing in the winter (often receiving greater and wetter snow than other parts of the range, comparable in some ways to Wolf Creek Pass or Marble) and plethora of fantastic couloir descents, complicated only by long and difficult access. A sled helps. On this day we chose mountain bikes to cover 5 or 6 miles of singletrack before reaching snowline.

We skied a perfect north-facing couloir off of Spiller Peak, which I have heard referred to as Ray's Couloir, though I'm also partial to 'The Spillway'. Owen Basin, the headwaters of the not-so-mighty yet vital Mancos River, was criss-crossed with bear tracks and packed with fun-looking ice climbs, and one incredibly good looking quartzite boulder. An inspiring amphitheater indeed.

Bear report, above treeline, all aspects: active.

Nick climbing the couloir. Dibe Ntsaa (Hesperus) and Lavendar Peaks behind. An inspiring mountain venue indeed, if only it were easier to get to.

3, 2, 1....

[fernsam]

Live Connection To Culture

I always found it interesting how excited my friends get when they’re staring down at their phones waiting in the queue to buy concert tickets. Then suddenly, they’re at the front ready to spend over $200 on a ticket. I never got to experience that and never wanted to experience it. Sure it would be cool, but personally, I never thought it was worth the money, like I can just listen to it on Spotify (I know it's not remotely the same but that's how I feel). In fact, I rarely saw any live shows, until my parents asked me “Do you want to come see a live performance?” And guess what, I had to buy a ticket for it. Sure it wasn’t me waiting for a queue and all, but this was my first live show that I (my parents) paid over $50 for. The show featured a Goan singer, and for context, Goa is a place in India, which is where my parents are from. In regard to the singer, I had no idea who she was honestly not that excited. To make it worse, I do not know much Konkani (the language spoken in Goa) and the venue was an Indian place I have been to a million times. But I went, and honestly, I’m glad I did. 

Here is a picture of Goa... keep this in mind when thinking of Konkani songs.

My parents hyped up the singer saying she is famous for her Goan music, but my expectations were still pretty low. The signer's name is Sonia Shirsat and she actually is kind of famous - she even has a Wikipedia page. When I got to the venue and heard her sing for the first time, I was pleasantly surprised by her soft and vocal voice. It was honestly what you would picture from a regular talented singer but it was nice to hear. The band was made of an electric guitar, a keyboard, drums, and the singer (of course). It was very simple but it was interesting to hear the authenticity of the music. It just felt right and I really enjoyed the casual vibes. 

Sonia sang some Goan songs that I had heard before but they sounded different live.  She sang a lot of old dancing songs that you would want to “boogie to”. And the band really added to that old vibe. After this performance, I got curious about what the songs (that I've heard countless times) were about. I found out a Konkani song I have heard frequently was about a husband demanding his wife for alcohol or else he’ll break her head… interesting. It was called “Yo Baile Yo” and I never would have guessed that was the context, especially hearing it come from such a cheerful song. It is also supposed to be a comedy song apparently. Although I was shocked about this whole song, hearing it in person and learning the actual meaning behind the song really made me feel more involved in Goan culture. Like I was let in on some inside joke.

Shifting from her more happy and silly songs, she used her vocal talents to sing some serious ones. Another Goan song I have heard frequently is “Molbailo Dou” and it is a love song. It is very sweet and there was no strange context behind this song. It's just about being in love and I honestly forgot what the lyrics were specifically, but even with the language barrier, you can hear the passion in her voice.

She also sang some original songs with a similar vibe and I enjoyed being exposed to a diverse set that wasn’t the same five I usually hear at Goan events. Although I enjoyed the authenticity, it did seem like a lot of the songs had the same tune. However, in general, this performance made me feel connected with my culture. Even some English songs like Hallelujah just felt more personal coming from her. Am I ever going to listen to her on my own? Probably not. But it felt right to go in there with an open ear and leave with a stronger connection to my culture.

[moremusic]

This week I interviewed the man with the beautiful voice, Stu Daniels. Looking forward to playing a show with him next Sunday at Pirate life.

Tell us a little bit about yourself?

I'm Stu Daniels from the Adelaide foothills. I have young children, a wife, a dog, chickens... it's crazy busy! I work a 9-5 job and pretty much play music in all the spare time!

What got you into the music industry?

For as long as I can remember I’ve always been drawn to music and its always been an outlet for me. As a famous author once said 'Where words fail, music speaks". This quote really resonates with me as writing my own music helps me to say the things that I need to say, and it also helps get a lot off of my mind. So it really is quite therapeutic for me!

Apart from that I guess music always has been in the family... fun-fact: My great-great grandfather actually composed the music for the coronation of King George V! Also, my dad and grandfather played in live bands which exposed me to live performances at an early age.

What are you short and long terms goals?

Firstly, to head back into the studio to finish recording some solo work, ready to be put out into the world, it won't be too far away.

I played in Tamworth this year at TCMF23, it's inspired and helped me realise that alternative country genre is where my music belongs as it really connected with me and where I am at with my song writing. Since I’ve been back home I've been writing with a folk/blues country inspired sound and it just feels right.

Long term... I'll release the tracks and EP I've been working on, hopefully connect with others and increase my fan base on socials and more live performances.

How was it dealing with the Covid Pandemic? Is everything back to normal?

It was chaotic at home, with everyone locked in...

But it gave me a chance to write more, experiment with my sound. But of course all venues shut up, so I really felt it, not being out there performing. I love playing, connecting with people who like what I'm doing, I really missed that.

It's been slow to get back in, but it's definitely picking up

You have a gig at Pirate life on April 16. What can we expect to see from you on this day?

40 minutes of my heart and soul!

I've got some real emotive songs in the set, and some foot tapping numbers, I'll throw a love song in there and maybe even a new one!

What is your career highlight so far.

Definitely supporting the legendary band, The Animals is a highlight for me personally. Being able to play before such talented and highly held artists and also chatting to them about their successes gave me so much inspiration. The audience were awesome, and it felt like such a good moment in time, I don’t think I will ever forget that feeling.

Your new single “enemies” is great. Can you tell us a little bit about this song?

I wrote this song during Covid actually. When everything was shut and there were restrictions on what we could do, it really got me down for a bit. Not knowing a way out, I took to the guitar. The lyrics really unravel what was going on in my mind, the spiral into the dark. Every mistake that you do and things you say, some people don't let it go and I guess the hardest critic is yourself sometimes. While this emotive song is quite sombre and confronting, it's is also about rising above the haters, the demons in your own head and feeling ok with where you're at.

With new venues like The Hindley Street Music Hall opening up, what do you think of the Adelaide music scene?

There are a lot of venues who have shut due to the Pandemic. The new venues that are opening are great for Adelaide, we all want to get out there again. They are definitely booking out quickly as so many artists, local and interstate want the opportunity to play again. It seems like a fresh bunch of really cool and good new music is starting to come through, but it was also sad to see a few bands fall away and not return.

Who are the most successful Adelaide bands in the last 2 decades

Probably the first ones that spring to mind are Bad Dreems and West Thebarton

What Adelaide bands should we look out for?

Corda Negra blew me away with their amazingly good acoustic folk.

The first muso I met in Tamworth was Scott Rathman Jnr who by chance is also from Adelaide – I think he is looking at recording by all accounts.

And of course, my other music project – Already Gone – which diverges more towards Indie Rock.

If you could invite 4 musicians to dinner dead or alive) who would you invite?

Probably John Bonham, Paul McCartney, Jimi Hendrix and Freddie Mecury and hope for a post dinner jam session!

If you were given the chance to support one artist in the world, who would you pick?

Don McLean as he is a great storyteller through song and also American Pie is one of my all-time favourite songs.

If you were stuck on a deserted island with only one record, what would it be?

I’m bad at these sort of questions as I’m always changing what my favourite record is! So perhaps a best of album by the Beatles or Creedence Clearwater Revival as there are a lot of great songs covered (although this is probably cheating!)

Where can people find out more about you?

Socials: Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, YouTube, and of course come see me play and my next gig!

[this-has-returned]

This is a long rant. Strap in.

I'm not sure if this is an experience that other Americans have online, but it's something that I'm noticing more and more as we get deeper into the age of algorithm-based media.

I have spent years learning German for the express purpose of seeking out German media online and being able to understand it with little to no translator assistance. A lot of my favorite bands are from Germany, for example, and I feel really accomplished when I can understand what I'm hearing. It's an absolutely beautiful language and culture. I'm too poor to travel (and my neurodivergence provides other problems with travel as well), but I wanted to at least leverage the Internet's ability to take me around the world's data channels.

I've wanted to do this since childhood. I picked German in particular half on a whim, and half because two relatives on my dad's side sing in German for their church, and so he picked up some of the language from them before I was born.

I was already exposed to Spanish from my classmates (and I was correctly assuming I would take Spanish classes as a school requirement anyway), and was exposed to Japanese from my sister and her best friend (which was a language that seemed incredibly hard). So German, therefore, was the first language that I felt was within my ability to learn, and could be learned for fun (and not strictly for utility).

Neither of my parents are German (those two relatives at the church are apparently French). I have no other apparent connections to the country that would register in any algorithm online. I think this has given me an unexpected obstacle, because all of the algorithms have been like "YOU ARE AN AMERICAN. HERE IS YOUR AMERICAN MEDIA. HERE ARE OTHER AMERICANS TO FOLLOW ONLINE. I SEE YOU HAVE AN INTEREST IN OTHER COUNTRIES; HERE ARE SOME AMERICANS WHO TALK ABOUT THOSE COUNTRIES."

And, like, the fact that so many things are search-based makes it really hard too, because no matter how many search terms I awkwardly type in German, nor how many German content creators I follow, a lot of social media will not recommend me anything from the country; it just redirects to American and UK sources (because it translated my search into English), or to fictional sources made specifically for people learning the language in a classroom setting.

In fact, on Twitter and TikTok especially, I can follow as many German creators as the limited search results will let me see, and then it never shows me any posts from them, nor makes any recommendations based on them. I have to intentionally check on their profiles and scroll through every week or so, because none of it appears on my feed. It's as if these sites think it's fucking insane that I would ever speak another language, or be interested in anything outside of my own country. It's like the algorithms think that following these creators was a mistake I made or something, and best to not take seriously. Honestly, given the stereotypes (and realities) of how little Americans care about the outside world, I guess this shouldn't be a surprise to me.

Tumblr is honestly the first and only website where my attempt to land on the German side of content creation yielded anything at all. This is actually the first website that seems capable of handling users who speak other languages for fun.

Anyone else I know in America who gets content from Mexico, Puerto Rico, or Venezuela (for example) seems to get it because they have family from there, and I think online algorithms seem to keep track of that and cater content accordingly. Additionally, people interested in Japanese media, UK media, or Bollywood seem to get content sources as well. Meanwhile, these same high-end algorithms look at my activity and are like "What's this nerd searching 'Eisbrecher' for?"

The closest I've seen algorithms get is probably the Wehraboo community (oof), but all their stuff just seems to be Americanized hyperfixations on WWII German war technologies and Nazi iconography, which is absolutely nothing like what I'm trying to find (obviously), but there's a surprising number of pipelines leading to there from "casually listens to German music and plays BattleTech games". You can imagine how annoying most search results can be for me, as someone who likes Eisbrecher, Rammstein, Project Pitchfork, and BattleTech. I hope this point in particular highlights the problems I'm having with algorithms and search engines.

I know there's a meme going around about how Tumblr has no algorithm, or that its minimal replication of one is hilariously simple at best, but honestly I appreciate it. Other websites with advanced algorithms keep me locked in this fucking country as much as they possibly can. The fact that I am FINALLY getting recommendations from German Tumblr users after a DECADE of trying to land in German communities on other websites is absolutely wild.

My entire goal has been to utilize what I learned to explore more parts of the Internet and Human Experience (tm), but these algorithms have been keeping me locked here for so long that my skills in speaking, reading, and writing German have gotten rusty from lack of use.

I'm not looking for 2-page stories written in 1980 by teachers for beginners in the classroom. I want memes auf Deutsch, I want rants, I want shitposts (which are hard enough to understand in English, as I'm autistic, so I will probably spend 30 minutes trying to process them in German). I want to see Germany's autistic community talk about their special interests. I want to see the larger neurodivergent community there talk about their experiences, too! I want to see gay fanfic about characters that I wouldn't know from American media, so I would be forced to try and Google what the source material was for 15 minutes to get any context. I fought in the American public school system to keep them from dropping German classes from the curriculum, and was finally able to take it for 2 years, plus another year in a community college before my mental illness made it unsustainable to chase my degree any further. I was hunted down for sport by the Duolingo owl when I took German lessons in the app. I just want to finally feel validated for trying to learn a damn language that I chose for myself lol.

So, hallo LGBTQ+ side of German Tumblr! Happy Pride, and happy Neun Euro Ticket! I need to improve my writing, grammar, and my spelling, but I can at least read you!

Also, do any other Americans struggle with this shit, or has it literally just been me this whole time? Or am I just doing things the hard way, and there was an easier way all along?