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#and I'm still not quite where I want to be but made an important shift at least
rovermcfly · 8 months
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I've decided social media is pretty bad for my mental health actually* and logged out of all of them (including tumblr!) on my phone (never used apps so didn't have to uninstall any) and can only access them on my laptop. this automatically limits the time I spend on these platforms and aside from tumblr I've also essentially removed all content from them anyway using ublock origin so I can only use them to check on what my friends are doing and then leave again
y'all won't believe how many hours there are in a day
*more specifically sort of the combination of "I can't stop scrolling once I'm there bc I simply lack this self control and need to not have easy access to avoid it" and the stuff ppl usually talk about like rage farming and misinformation and doomscrolling bad news and both watching and committing digital self harm
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malaierba · 4 months
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My unpopular (why) opinion is that Toshiro's and Falin's relationship (platonic obviously) is quite beautiful and if fans weren't so odd about shipping they'd see how very sweet it is that Toshiro started liking Falin when he realised she's an odd but gentle person, when he felt a sense of kinship that he likely never felt before.
From what we see they got along, Falin has a positive opinion of him, on the few instances when we actually see them talk (beyond just memories of them talking but no actual dialogue being shown to us) it's obvious she feels comfortable enough to be completely honest and transparent with him, while still minding his feelings. She likes the guy well enough, she doesn't want to hurt him.
The marriage proposal is actually so interesting... The way they communicate with each other. Falin let's Toshiro down gently, and reveals something so intimate about herself, how she's behaved until now, what she wants to do in the future, that she'd like to visit him again!
And Toshiro is so gentle. He obviously cares about her so much (and water is wet BUT im talking specifically about how it's portrayed in this scene). If what Maizuru says is true, that was the second time he made a "selfish" request ("marry me and come with me") but he simply asks this from her and offers reassurances, "I'll make sure you're comfortable", but he's not you know the Hardass some people pretend he is.
And what I love the most... When she rejects him not only does he accept it gracefully, he's inspired by her declaration that she wants to be more independent. Why did Falin say that? To spare his feelings further? Or because she knew that this realisation, which meant so much to her, would resonate with Toshiro too?
Gonna get personal but. I'm aroace, hello. I've had a few friendships go to shit because someone confessed to me and I rejected them. And exactly one where the person accepted it gracefully and our friendship, after surviving an awkward moment, blossomed.
Like. Relationships CHANGE, and they can develop and deepen and strengthen in many ways, regardless of the dynamic they take on. When aspecs say "friendship can be as important as romance" one of the things we mean is, allow romantic love to go back to platonic love and be stronger regardless OR EVEN because of it.
Like. How beautiful, that these two recognised a bit of themselves in each other, and knew how to approach the other. How beautiful that Ryoko tells us "their friendship survived a rejected proposal, when the commonly used trope would've made their friendship unviable from then on".
How beautiful that narratively Toshiro's sacrifice is never played for laughs or made fun of or devalued because """he didn't get the girl""', but instead the manga says "it didn't pan out but it wasn't a pointless sacrifice because Toshiro genuinely cared for Falin as a person, and always did what he thought was best even when it went against his normal behaviour." How beautiful that Falin wants to meet his friend Toshiro again, that she thinks to tell him "I'm going to start being an active participant in my own life" and Toshiro thinks "I think I need to start doing that too".
How beautifullll that a rejection ended with a promise to meet again, it's so beautiful am I insane? Can someone hear me hello?
The love was there and it mattered, but it's even better. The love shifts and survives because the care is genuine, because when you truly care about a person you'll want them in your life in whatever dynamic suits everyone involved the best. Because love, whether romantic or platonic or a mix of something else entirely, is selfless.
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iamred-iamyellow · 3 months
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⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚ Think Fast, You Only Get One Try - [Part 1]
♥ prev | next
♥ series masterlist | main masterlist
♥ pairing: lando norris x fem!reader
♥ chapter one synopsis: after almost two months it was finally time to tell lando about your daughter.
♥ smau + written - fc: girls on pinterest - none of the pictures are mine
♥ warnings: swearing !!!
♥ a/n: thank you so much for almost 400 followers and 1k+ notes on the intro <3 i really hope this part 1 lives up to your expectations! The next parts will have more smau and will ideally be longer (I just had to get the plot rolling with this first chapter lol)
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˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖
You knocked on Lando’s penthouse apartment door, knowing there was no going back now. Bless your sister for being able to find where he lives in just a couple of minutes on the internet.
The man who opened the door wasn’t Lando, but Max Fewtrell. His gaze narrowed.
“Who are you?”
“I’m not sure if you remember me... but I met you and Lando at a club in Melbourne last year.”
His eyes saccaded between you and the baby you were holding.
"Lando," he shouted from the doorway. "Stay here. I'll go get him."
Max made his way to one of Lando's rooms, where he was talking to Oscar.
"There's a woman here to see you," he paused. "With a baby. She said she knew you from Melbourne last year."
Lando got up quickly and made his way to the front door. Once he got there, he stared at you and your daughter.
You nodded. "Her name is Camila."
He held his arms out, silently asking to hold her. After you handed Camila to him, he gently rocked her in his arms.
"Come in."
-
You had a very long conversation on the couch with Lando as his two friends eavesdropped from the hallway. They didn't even bother going into another room and closing the door.
"I want to be a part of her life, if that's okay with you?"
You nodded. "Could you start tomorrow?"
"What?" Lando blinked at you.
"My sitter quit, and I have work tomorrow. I checked your race calendar; you just got back from Japan and don't have to go to Shanghai until next week."
"Yeah, but I still have sim and training and-"
"You better hope your physical therapist knows how to rock a baby to sleep then," you said sternly.
"I can help if you want," Oscar piped up. "With Max and I, I'm sure you'll be able to spend some time with your daughter."
You smiled at Oscar. "I'll be leaving you in charge."
That statement elicited an eye roll out of Lando.
He shifted his gaze from Camila to you. "Alright, yeah, I'll take care of her for the next few days."
"Thank you," you placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'll drop her off tomorrow at 10?"
˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖
-The Next Day-
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oscarpiastri babysitting duty
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user7 who's baby?
user3 oscar would be such a cute girl dad
lilyzniemer I agree
user1 🥹
user5 AWWW
user8 that should be me 😔
user2 holding your hand
user9 that should be me
user4 making you laugh
user12 you and lily are so cute :(
˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖
-first is lando's phone, second is yours-
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˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁‧₊˚ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁˖
-A Week Later-
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landonorris life lately
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user7 Shanghai is soooo pretty
user9 so glad china back on the calendar
oscarpiastri proof that instagram is fake
maxfewtrell he's forgetting about sm REALLY important in his "life lately"
user8 ???
user2 @/oscarpiastri @/maxfewtrell what do you know
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@littlegrapejuice, | @majx00, | @si1ver06
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princessfbi · 4 months
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bucktommy + “come here”
Bucktommy
"Come here."
No matter how many times Tommy did it, Buck didn't think he'd ever get used to the slight thrill that rushed through him when Tommy's fingers tucked under his chin and lifted his head.
He just wished it was under different circumstances. The wide worry in the cobalt blue that Buck could've sworn were one eyelash bat away from sweeping him up like a hurricane turned icy and hard in an instant. Fury rippled through Tommy's expression as his movements turned stilted and uncompromising, shifting Buck's chin further up and to the side so he could get a better view of the bruises. The same bruises he'd been hoping to put off from showing his boyfriend for as long as possible.
But after three months of going slow before becoming official, there wasn't much Buck could hide from his boyfriend these days.
It was usually something he loved. Tommy made him feel seen in a way he didn't know he wanted to be seen until one night in his kitchen during quiet confessions and a similar instance of Tommy's fingers tucked under his chin.
Tommy wasn't kissing him then though. In fact, besides the firm weight of his fingers, he looked almost... devastated. Resigned.
"He did this to you?" It was a question even if Tommy didn't say it like it was. Buck pulled away from the prop of Tommy's fingers and ducked his chin down as he cut his eyes to the floor.
"It's not a big deal." He tried to step back so the lie wouldn't land on Tommy and stain him too. But Tommy's hands, his big beautiful hands, curled over his waist and pulled him back to him.
"Evan!" Tommy's eyes flashed with something Buck couldn't quite catch but that was probably because he was still too busy being starstruck by the way Tommy said his name.
He loved how Tommy said his name. Like it mattered. Like it was important. The only other people who ever managed to handle the weight of his name without the normal strain had been Maddie and Eddie and they had witnessed to all the ways life had added more pressure to the load.
Tommy said his name like it was effortless.
Still, Tommy sounded upset and that was the last thing he wanted to do so he shook his head and met his gaze again.
"It's really nothing. I should've been watching where the hose line was."
Tommy's brow arched and Buck could see he didn't believe him. "The hose line? Seriously?"
Buck leaned into Tommy's hold and settled his hands on his chest, rubbing up and down so Tommy knew that Buck was fine. Really. He was fine.
"I clipped my face on an open compartment door. Hen checked me out. Nothing's broken. I promise that I'm fine. It's just a little bruise. It's nothing I can't handle."
Anger flared in Tommy's expression again as his jaw ticked. "You shouldn't have to."
And no, he shouldn't. Buck should have been coming home from a shift where his muscles were sore but his heart and stomach were full from another shift in the greatest job he'd ever had where Bobby was his captain and they had family dinners that didn't feel like hostage situations.
But everything would get fixed. Bobby would figure how to get back to his team and they would be waiting for him. He had to believe that.
Buck thought about pretending like he didn't see exactly what had taken root in Tommy's worry. But Tommy wasn't the only one who could see things other's couldn't.
"Baby," Buck said as he cupped his cheek. "You got out."
"He's doing this to you because of me." Tommy bit out.
"He's doing this because we aren't scared of him." Buck corrected. "None of us are."
They'd all been practically daring Gerrard to suspend them. Hen had been the first to point out how it wouldn't be so easy to get rid of them now that the chief had made a media frenzy of their crew. Gerrard may have been in charge but they didn't bend like they used to under the sharp oppression of his command. They clashed into a bruising, straining stalemate that didn't have an end date anytime soon.
But the team would hold. It's what Bobby would've wanted.
That didn't mean Gerrard didn't make their life a living hell.
Tommy frowned as he let out a long breath from his nose, his hands coming up to circle Buck's wrists so he could kiss the bolt of his palms.
"Ice," Tommy said decisively. "You need ice so I can kiss you properly."
Buck grinned despite the pain that pulsed along his cheek where he was sure the purpling bruise looked worse than it was.
Gerrard could say or do whatever he wanted to Buck. It wouldn't change the fact that, at the end of the day, Buck had Tommy to come home to and could kiss wherever he wanted. And Buck would do whatever it took to keep Tommy away from the dark cloud that was his former boss. The same boss who made him so afraid to be seen that he'd hid for years.
Buck would take a million bruises to the face before he ever let that happen.
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elbiotipo · 4 months
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your post about potatoes in fantasy worlds made me base my primary fantasy continent off sudamérica so i could use fantasy versions of andean and amazonian fauna/flora. I'm still trying to figure out how to change the geography enough to have the big desert i want in the right area(andes get an offshoot that encircles a rain shadow desert in the central north is the best idea i have) but actually being forced to consider how native wildlife works and needing to create trade routes if i wanted imported crops was fun. i was also trying to figure out why the southern hemisphere has more hot climates than the north and something said it's because the south on earth has less landmass so i think having the northern hemisphere above it be mostly tropical works if I have mostly archipelagos? also every time i see a european based fantasy have potatoes or tomatoes i shake my head and scowl.
The reason why the Southern Hemisphere seems to have more hot climates is indeed simply because the continental parts don't spread that far South to actually cold southern latitudes. The only place that really sticks that far south to have a truly cold climate is the Patagonia. And of course, Antarctica, which by coinicidence, basically surrounds the South Pole.
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Here is a map of "temperate" latitudes, or rather, latitudes between the tropics and the polar circles (as someone who lives here, or indeed an Australian can tell you, many places there are not "temperate" at all but more on that below). What is important here is that the southern hemisphere has less places closer to the pole, except, again, Antarctica, while the northern hemisphere has lots of land near the poles. This is why we don't have our equivalents of say, Siberia, for example. The closest thing is again, Patagonia. Honestly an underused place for worldbuilding, with the steppe, the glaciers, the temperate rainforests, and the recently extinct megafauna, but I digress.
You could in fact have a tropical "north" if you keep most of the northern hemisphere's landmasses near the equator (here I'm picturing some kind of big Indonesia or Caribbean, an area where tectonic plates collide and there's lots of volcanic islands and lands), and you could place a big continent in the South to make it a cold South. Interesting reversal on the cold North/warm South of most settings.
This would bring some interesting effects, though. Placing a big landmass on any pole (not a small one like Antarctica) would lead to glaciation, as land is "colder" or rather less moderated by ocean (more on that later) and glaciers grow, and glaciers and arid land have greater albedo, reflectivity, that is, and so they reflect more sunlight, thus those place become colder, and the glaciers keep growing, and so on, until there is an ice-age. I don't have the link where I read it with me, but I recall that continents shifting to polar latitudes might have triggered ice-ages in Earth's past.
Deserts are very tricky to place. The standard worldbuilding recommendation is that the interior of the continents are drier as you get away from the sea, and that mountain chains and high terrain serves as rainshadows that stop rain from the sea. However, there is a lot more to it. A LOT more.
You can find deserts even next to oceans, in the so-called "horse latitudes", the meeting points of the Hadley Cells that circulate air from the Equator to the subtropics and beyond. The details are a bit technical, but what this means basically is that they create jet streams of circulating air at 30° South and North, keeping the climate sunny, warm and dry. This is indeed where many of the world's coastal deserts are: Atacama, Kalahari, and of course, Australia.
Meanwhile, in the equatorial zone, the "trade winds" (because they have regular wind patterns that have historical formed major sea trade routes, worldbuilding hint!) converge in the Equator, forming rainy areas... but not quite that simple.
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The Intertropical Convergence Zone, where these winds meet, ocsilates during the year, creating monsoons, but as always, there are lots of factors involved. In particular, given our real life scenario of rapid climate change and global warming, a warmer temperature means more intense ocsilations. This makes monsoon events sharper (more droughts and floods in those regions) and more strong La Niña/El Niño events, which are their own thing, influenced by the Pacific which is a huge factor in global climate.
And this brings me to ocean currents. Usually, being close to the ocean moderates the climate, making it more rainy and warm, or at least stable. However, if the surrounding sea is cool, it means less evaporation and less rainfall, especially if it's influenced by cool polar currents (this is the case of eastern Patagonia, for example, with the cold Malvinas Current). The opposite is the case in, for example, Europe, where the warm gulf stream moderates climate, making it warmer and rainer compared to the same latitudes in the US and Canada. I'll admit I'm not very well informed on how ocean currents work, but the depth and salinity of the ocean have much to do with it. What basically happens is that dense salty water sinks and and this works as a "conveyor belt" for warm less dense surface water to flow over it and over great distances. These currents are slow, but since the ocean is so massive, they move extensive amounts of heat across the world. I will admit defeat here and just say I don't wholly understand how it works, but I can tell you this; if your world has a less salty ocean, your currents will be less strong, which means that the differences of temperature between the poles and the tropics will be sharper as there are no strong currents to overall moderate temperature. If this is all too complex for you as it is to me, the quick cheat is just looking at this map: warm water flows from the equator, and cold water flows from the poles, and they create "gyres" around the oceans and the Equator, and cold currents contribute to colder and drier climates (note the Canary, Benguela and Peru currents, the Malvinas current is not shown for some reason...)
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Did I forget something? Oh, yes. A colder climate of course, means less rainfall, because there is less evaporation and there is much water "trapped" in glaciers and snow. Which seems to be the case during the last ice ages. Rainforests and forests in general retreated as deserts expanded. In fact, the few forests that remained served as refugiums for species that only expanded again once the ice age was over. Some especulate that this might meant a 'weakening' of megafauna, as they were trapped in those refuges with lots of interbreeding and weakened populations when humans arrived on the scene. Here is a very interesting map:
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Now, there are some contradictions here and there, some researchers have said that the climate wasn't that dry and while I'm not an expert I tend to agree, many parts that are "extreme desert" there might be scrubland instead. But overall, it seems that colder times bring drier times too.
I'm still not done, but I'm almost done! According to the Biotic Pump theory, forests might also influence the climate and rainfall in a big way, basically, evapotranspiration (plants sweat, a lot, 90% of water through a plant evaporates to the atmosphere) in forests might actually create by itself the rainy environment where forests thrive, so for example, the Amazon is a rainforest BECAUSE of the forest there. I think with the increasing droughts here in South America we're seeing that theory proven in practice, as deforestation of the Mata Atlantica, the Chaco and the Amazon is causing less rainfall in the centre of the continent. Forests and plants also have a cooling effect, since they fix carbon dioxide, and also a bit of a warming effect, since they have darker albedo and so absorb more sunlight. I'm going to be very lazy and instead of reading a thousand papers say that they overall have a "moderating" effect.
Well, I could go on and on but I think I've already written way too much, so I'll leave you this to munch on a bit. It might seem like a lot, but when in doubt, you can always "eyeball" it by comparing real regions of Earth, and it will help you to create more interesting world than the omnipresent "spring-summer-fall-winter" temperate standard in so many settings.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask! Oh, and also, if you found this helpful or interesting, I would appreciate a tip to my ko-fi!
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leviscolwill · 1 year
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ballroom extravaganza
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pairing: jude bellingham x f1 driver!reader
summary: you always hated arguing with jude, but even more so when you're about to race monaco's streets (wc: 1,7k)
req: jude bellingham x f1 related f!reader ! (driver if u can or js a driver’s relative) where they argue before a match/race that doesn’t go really well + she crashes/dnf or he gets rlly hurt in a match
contents: jude is jealous, reader drives for mclaren w lando (sorry oscar my beloved </3), possible racing inconstancies (i can't drive to save my life), reader crashes (nothing too bad happens tho), gasly slander sorryyyy, language ??, quite angsty but happy (&fluffy) ending i swear
note: i didn't want to make either jude or reader 'the bad guy™' so i hope i didn't side with one more than the other writing the argument part :| i had so much fun writing it, so i hope you enjoy reading it (lmk by rb and giving feedback !!). finally, thank you for requesting anon,, i hope you like it 🫶
now playing: ballroom extravaganza by dpr ian (moodswings in to order)
"i'm just saying, i don't like the way he looked at you when he said that"
"you're being ridiculous jude, he's my teammate and i've known him for years."
jude had always been the jealous type, and you never had any problem with this, until now. he tried to tell you how lando was flirting with you when that's really just how he communicated. sure, he was kinda flirty at times, but he knew you were in a relationship and never crossed any lines with you. but jealousy seemed to get the best of your boyfriend in that moment.
"that's not the point y/n, i'm a man and i know what he meant when he said he'll take you to this 'perfect seaside italian restaurant if your boyfriend won't'. and you just stood there laughing." his voice was louder now, and you hated it whenever jude screamed, especially when those screams were directed at you.
"you're delusional... he didn't imply anything with that, he was only joking." you tried to reason your boyfriend.
"i still don't like it, i'm not asking you to never talk to him again, just make it clear you're-"
"but he knows that jude! i talk about you all the time, let's be serious for a second, come on." you laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation you were in, 45 minutes before the monaco grand prix fighting with your boyfriend in your driver room, it was probably the last thing you should be doing on a track where your focus was the most important thing.
you were always grateful whenever jude made time to see you racing because you knew how packed his schedule was. but right now, he was the last person you needed to see given the circumstances.
"jude, please just leave, i'm sick of fighting."
"i'm not leaving, we're having this conversation whether you like it or not." he said in a calmer tone, but it was too late, the damage was done.
"well, you're in my room right now and i want you out. i need to focus and you're not exactly helping right now."
"but we need to talk it out, i don't want you to go while we're fighting." you would have sworn his voice broke a bit when he ended his sentence.
"maybe you shouldn't have picked a fight with me then! maybe you shouldn't be here at all actually..." you practically whisper the last part and you immediately regret the words that came out of your mouth, knowing well you didn't mean them.
"okay then..." jude quickly gets up and you can't help but look at your feet, you can almost feel the sad look on his face.
"i love you."
you wanted to say it back but he closed the door with a loud bang before you could mutter any sound.
the only thing jude left behind was the faint smell of his cologne for you to think about what just happened and not focus on your race at all.
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deep breaths. deep breaths were what you needed, you tried to shift your focus on your start, how you needed to get away from sainz, given how close he was to you. whenever your mind drifted off to the argument you had with jude, you found another thing to focus on before the race. the formation lap would start in a couple minutes, your focus needed to be on monaco's streets for at least an hour and a half, then you'll handle the rest later with jude, you always did.
the formation lap started and everything went perfectly well, you just had to wait for the red lights to turn off and you'll be gone, no more thinking, or overthinking.
"it's lights out and away we go in the streets of monaco."
perfect start, now you just had to race like you knew how to for 78 laps. nothing you couldn't do.
the first 46 laps went perfectly, you managed to overtake carlos' ferrari and pierre's alpine. everything went well, then you thought about jude, you knew he was probably still mad at you but you still hoped he was watching the race, waiting for you with papaya-coloured headphones. as your thoughts kept going you were about to get to the trickiest part of the circuit, mirabeau.
as your focus shifted back to your race, you forgot the most important thing, the biggest danger on track is the other drivers.
your brain barely had time to register the bright blue alpine trying to overtake you when there was clearly no space. next thing you knew, your head hit the cockpit. before you hit the wall at god knows what speed, you thought about how you didn't tell jude you loved him back, and how you hoped he was still aware of how much he meant to you in that moment.
pitch black, no sound at all, you couldn't feel anything for about thirty seconds because of the shock.
then everything came back. you felt the urge to move your legs around, they moved. perfect. then you felt like your position was unusual, you came to a conclusion on your own, your car was on its side. you didn't even get to think about getting out because you felt a horrible pain in your head, where it was hit you assumed.
and lastly, you saw the medics making sure you were okay, you moved your hand for them to understand the message. you were okay, they helped you out of the car, saying you would be taken to the infirmary.
you couldn't stop smiling, you felt terrible about the race and it was probably the biggest crash you ever experienced but everything was well, your family and friends saw you get out of the car safely, and you'd be able to tell jude you loved him. everything was well.
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you had to answer the medics questions that made you feel like a 4-year-old: "what's your name ? do you know which day of the week it is ?" you knew it was for safety reasons but you absolutely hated it.
jude opened the door in pure jude fashion, loudly. you almost stopped waiting for him at that point but he was here finally.
he didn't even talk to you, words weren't needed. he just held you really tight even though you were still on the, very uncomfortable, infirmary bed. you felt his arms that were holding onto you shake as he kissed your hair.
"you have no idea how fucking terrified i was y/n." while jude had been to a fair few races with you, he'd never seen any big crashes, let alone involving you. yes, you could only imagine how scary that must have been for him, feeling powerless over the situation, you knew it all too well. you felt that way when jude was injured and you were absolutely helpless, of course you never wished for your boyfriend to ever feel that way, but here you were.
"i love you." you felt like it was the first thing you should say right now. "so so so much. i'm sorry for not saying it earlier." jude looked at you as tears started to form in your eyes, he quickly wiped them away and kissed away the sudden wave of sadness surging through you.
"and i'm sorry for getting mad at you, i shouldn't even have told you about it before the race, it was-"
jude was cut short when someone knocked and opened the door quickly after. pierre came in with a sorry look on his face, you heard he dnf after he damaged his car. poor thing.
"y/n, are you okay? i'm sorry about-" he started rambling with a french accent.
"i'm fine don't worry, just... can we talk about it later? you can come to our motorhome, they make great coffee there i swear." you tried to joke to lighten up the atmosphere, but it was still as tense as before.
if looks could kill, gasly would have died right here the way your boyfriend eyed him in silence, his gaze following the driver on his way out.
"what a fucking dickhead. how is he driving a whole f1 car? even i would do a better job than him i swear..." your boyfriend's pettiness amused you, even more so knowing that boy couldn't ride a bike without scaring the life out of you.
his features visibly changed and you knew he wanted to talk your argument out, as you were both calmer about the situation. but he didn't get the chance to speak a word before lando opened the door.
"what did that french hooligan do to my favourite teammate? that was a barbarian try at overtaking really." you laughed at your teammate being dramatic, as always.
"i'm fine, i think gasly needs prescription glasses though, i don't know where he saw the space there but i'm okay."
once again, you felt jude's eyes burning holes in lando's skull as he went silent, he quickly took the hint and left.
you couldn't help but burst out laughing at jude when it was just you two in the room.
"you need to stop glaring at people like that."
"i just don't like him." you took his hand as he looked at you, his look much softer than the one he gave pierre and lando.
"i only want you. alright? it doesn't matter how lando views me, whether what you think is true. he will never be you." you told him stroking your thumb on the back of his hand.
"i know that, i was just mad at how he acted with you. i'm sorry about that. i trust you, 100%. i just don't like how comfortable he was making these comments y'know."
"i get that, i'll make my boundaries clear with him, okay? let's not fight over silly things like that anymore."
jude softly grabbed your jaw and kissed you, you could tell you both needed this talk, and this kiss, to clear the air.
you pull out of the kiss first, suddenly feeling the urge to annoy him.
"you know... you look good when you're jealous, i might try that more often..." jude faked a serious face.
"if attention was what you wanted, you just had to ask love." he joked as you playfully hit his arm.
"just no more leaving without saying 'i love you' alright?" he asks before quickly kissing your forehead.
"never again."
944 notes · View notes
anobsessedwriter · 2 months
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𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝑪𝒚𝒄𝒍𝒆ִֶָ࣪☾.
Rafe Cameron × reader (ANGST)
Warning: toxic relationships, manipulation, gaslight, just rafe being toxic.
๋࣭ ⭑✮˙⭑
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˖⋆࿐໋
Rafe Cameron had a way of drawing people in with his magnetic charm and effortless charisma, not to mention his good looks. When you first met him at a summer party, the way he smiled and looked at you, made you feel like the most special person in the room. you were easily captivated by his charm.
In the early stages of your relationship, Rafe was the perfect boyfriend. He showered you with affection and gifts, constantly surprising you with dinners and weekend getaways. “You deserve the world,” he’d say, making you feel over the moon, These moments created a deep bond between the both of you, but they were also a smokescreen for the darker aspects of his personality.
As their relationship progressed, the cracks began to show. Rafe’s controlling tendencies started subtly. When you went out with friends, Rafe would text you frequently, questioning where you were and who you were with. “I just want to know you’re safe,” , "Can't you see that i'm worried",his frequent messages felt suffocating, as you couldn't enjoy a moment without him making you feel guilty for leaving him alone so you'd quickly return.
whenever you decide to attend a party with your friends, Rafe’s demeanor would immediately shift from affectionate to cold as soon as you mention your plans to him. he'd always say “Again with the parties?” or “I thought we had plans tonight.”, "they're more important than your own boyfriend?" you always try to explain that you need a bit of space, but Rafe’s disapproval was palpable. you were left with feeling guilty and ashamed for wanting to enjoy a night out.
During the next few months together, Rafe’s outbursts became more frequent and intense. He would criticize your appearance, and say things like “ why are you trying too hard” or "isnt that way too revealing?",One afternoon, as you were getting ready for a casual lunch date, Rafe snidely remarked, “Are you really going out in that? looking like a damn hooker.” The comment left you feeling self-conscious and hurt, despite your attempts to brush it off.
he'd constantly accuse you of cheating, whenever you don't text him instantly, when you don't pick up immediately or when you come home a bit late, he'd yell and break things, making you cry and flinch then he'd try to comfort you saying he's sorry and he just love you.
Rafe’s manipulation was psychological as much as emotional. When you tried to discuss your feelings, he would deflect or twist the conversation. “You’re too sensitive,” he’d say when you expressed how you felt by his actions and words. “I’m just being honest. If you can’t handle the truth, maybe this isn’t going to work.” you felt like you were walking on eggshells, afraid to express your emotions in for of making him upset or starting another argument.
The relationship became more toxic as Rafe started to slowly isolate you from your friends and family. Whenever you spent time with them, Rafe would accuse you of neglecting him. “You’re always with them,” “Don’t you care about us anymore?” The guilt he built in you led you to eventually distance yourself from those you loved, making you more reliant and dependent on Rafe.
you still remember the time when your friend kiara noticed the change in you, you never were this distant or this quite. When She talked to you about it,Rafe blew up with anger. “She’s just trying to control you,” “She is probably jealous of us, i dont want you talking to her okay?”, you just couldn't say no or disagree with him.
Rafe’s apologies were frequent trying to manipulate you into forgiving him, he would show up at your apartment with flowers and a box of your favourite chocolates. “I’m sorry for what happened,” ,“I love you more than anything. I’ll change, I promise.”
and if that doesn't work? he'll switch it up on you balming you for it all, "it's all your fault", "maybe this wouldn't happen if you just listened to me", you would forgive him, hoping that these sweet and caring gestures were a sign of change.
Despite these moments of sweetness, the cycle of toxicity continued. On one occasion, you discovered that Rafe had been secretly reading your messages, When you confronted him, Rafe’s reaction was defensive. “I just wanted to check, whats wron with reading my girlfriend's messges” he said. “why are you upset? are you hiding something?.”
The last straw was when Rafe had taken you to a dinner with his family and friends where he criticized you in front of everyone When you tried to defend yourself, Rafe would get angry “You’re embarrassing me you know?" , “Why can’t you just behave".
That night, as you laid in bed, you realized that the person you once were had been overshadowed by Rafe’s demands and criticisms. The realization was painful, but it needed to be acknowledged. you knew you needed to leave for your own well-being.
you got up and started packing things to leave. Rafe’s pleas for you were too hard for you to ignore. “im just trying to protect you,” he said, “We can work this out. I promise, I love you.” and you couldn't say no to him,you couldn't just ignore him and leave you were too far in love.
would he really change....probably not but you still had hope.
167 notes · View notes
onlyjaeyun · 11 months
Text
𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 – 𝟓
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐨
↬ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
↬ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬!𝐀𝐔, 𝐂𝐄𝐎!𝐉𝐚𝐲, 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
↬ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟒.𝟒𝐤
↬ 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐬𝐬/𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐭
↬ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐀 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐥'𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 ��𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐂𝐄𝐎.
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"Oh, my God!"
Your sudden exclamation of excitment startles both of your friends, their pretty eyes quickly shifting from their plate of snacks to your face, waiting for you to continue.
The alcohol has already made its way into your system and different than both Aeri and Jimin, you're more of a lightweight, so it didn't take more then three shots for you to get tipsy. But after a week, especially this particular dad, so exhausting and challenging, you're more than just ready to let it all go and enjoy yourself.
Working for Park Jongseong has definitely been...an experience. Your schedule isn't as demanding and physically exhausting as your previous part time jobs, yet the responsibility being a secretary comes with has definitely taken its mental toll on you. The urge to do everything as perfect as possible, just because you're genuinely afraid of disappointing your boss is a lot more than you thought and at this point you're not quite sure if you can actually handle it all.
To your luck, you've got something similar to a week off, due to Park Jongseong's physical absence, yet you're pretty sure you'll still have enough to do until he's back. It's not like you don't actually enjoy your job, it's more about your subconscious desire to please and satisfy your boss to gain his validation and approval.
Before you can actually get to the part where you curse at your father for not being part of your life, you turn your phone to show your girls the chat between you and Park Nayeon, your self proclaimed guardian angel, who is about to head over to the manifesto as well, leaving all three of you incredibly excited.
"That's so cool", Aeri giggles and takes a sip from her cute little cocktail, "I really hope she spends some time with us, too. I sound like a pathetic school girl who wants to be friends with the school's IT girl, what the fuck."
Her self awareness has you all chuckling, the music blaring in the background as you're all too comfortable to actually get up and dance. But neither one of you cares enough as the drinks do exactly what they're supposed to do and the need for sexual satisfaction from earlier has almost completely disappeared.
"Apparently it's Lee Heeseung's birthday", you say after reading Nayeon's next messages, "and Seoul's big four are headed here to celebrate. Yeonie said she's gonna try and have us invited into the VIP section as well."
It's this particular statement which has the three of you stop in your tracks. Just the thought of spending a night at the club with the four most important men of the company you all work for seems a lot less inviting than a single addition to your girls' night.
Jimin takes a deep breath and from the way she nervously puts her drink down, you can tell that the anxiety has yet to lose the fight against the alcohol in her system.
"I'm out", she quickly says and looks around, "I can't even look Mr. Park in the eyes when we happen to get into the same elevator at the company, there's no way I'm going to party with him. Or whatever he does at a club like this."
With a soft nod you agree with her words, feeling quite similar about your boss' presence, especially after the praising incident from earlier today.
"Let's just head out and have some beef at Ruby's", you say and start looking around to find one of the pretty waitresses who played a huge role in the greatness of your night.
"Oh, come on, babes!" Aeri suddenly says and looks at the two of you with her pretty lips pushed into a faux pout to gain your sympathy.
"Just an hour", she says and scoots closer to you on the little couch you're both seated in, "and then we'll leave and the meat's on me, I promise."
Jimin quickly shoots you a look of uncertainty, which you simply mirror as you start nibboing on your bottom lip.
You really don't want to run into your boss and his friends, no matter how nice they are, they're still your superiors and you can't help but feel like you're under constant observation when it comes to them.
On top of it all you really, really don't want Park Jongseong to look at you and remember the things you had said a few hours ago, the embarrassment and humiliation still very prominent in your guts.
But you're also more than aware that there probably won't be another opportunity like this for you to spend time with Nayeon, since she's a lot busier than she claims to be and you're usually too shy and hesitant to hit her up.
"I'm so tipsy already", you whine and roll your eyes once you realise you've all silently agreed to stay in this very moment, "I guess I just won't speak. Please don't make me embarrass myself even more, I'm begging you."
"Don't worry, Babe", Aeri says and holds her drink up with a big smile and excitement gleaming in her eyes, "we're going to have a great time!"
Just as you're about to join your best friend, the music suddenly stops and the crowd on the dance floor underneath the three of you as well as everyone else starts cheering, "Happy Birthday" replacing the previous hip hop song and that's when you realise who just arrived.
With big, curious eyes you watch Seoul's most known and loved Bachelors walk into the club, all of them dressed simply, yet as classy as one might expect.
With the owner of the club, TPC's very loved and appreciated CMO and today's birthday boy leading their pack, Lee Heeseung looks as charming and cool as ever. All four of them are dressed in simple dress shirts varying in colors, with their classic slacks, yet adding their own charms to the outfits with individual pieces of jewelry you know cost more than your monthly salary.
You don't even realise who your gaze has shifted to, until his dark eyes meet yours through the crowds of people, as if he felt your presence before actually seeing you.
Park Jongseong.
With your heart thrumming in your throat, you try to calm yourself down, yet as soon as you notice the way his usually so cold and stoic gaze starts roaming your face, you can't stop your brain from remembering your conversation from earlier, jolts of weird excitement and anticipation rushing through you. Maybe you'll actually have a good time with each orher tonight.
"Oh, no, not her."
You don't even get the chance to properly process Aeri's comment as your focus shifts from the CEO to the angel like women on his arm.
Her face is small and petite, shaped like the one of an ancient goddess and for a moment you actually forget to inhale.
Yoo Shiah, one of Seoul's biggest fashion influencers, who just so happens to be the daughter of famous and influential business man Yoo Yongho, one of The Park Company's biggest and most important partners to this date.
You physically can't stop yourself from staring at her and it doesn't take you long to realise it's mostly because of how close she is to your boss, rather than her beauty.
A weird feeling starts spreading in your tummy and like a child caught doing something forbidden, you quickly lower your head. You hate how much the sight of them so close together has affected you within just a few minutes.
You're surprised at your own behavior, since you, just like the entirety of South Korea, knows about the close bond those two share with each other. They're not titled Seoul's couple of the future for nothing after all.
"Let's just say Hi to Yeonie and then leave, please", you say and gulp harshly, too ashamed of the emotions your body's currently trying to process.
You genuinely don't understand where these feelings of envy and jealousy come from. You've only known Park Jongseong for about six weeks and besides the fact that he's never talked to you about anything that's not work related – with today as an exception – there's absolutely no reason for you to feel and think all of these things.
With a soft sigh, you try to hide the sudden wave of sadness overwhelming you, right before you actually curse your absent father for putting you into this situation in the first place.
If he had actually kept his promise and showed up when you needed him to, you wouldn't have gotten your hopes up from a single, simple verbal praise from your boss.
"Yeah, I really don't wanna be around that annoying bitch", Aeri adds casually and downs the rest of her cocktail in one go.
Jimin remains completely silent and for some reason you find comfort in your shared anxiety regarding this particular situation.
By the time the celebration song comes to an end, the four business men as well as their few friends have made their way to the VIP section, finally giving you the room to breathe, only for the loud call of your name have everyone's attention shift to you.
"There she is, the prettiest girl I've ever seen!"
Park Nayeon's voice is filled with excitement, slightly slurred and despite the discomfort of being stared at by your boss and his friends, you can't help but mirror your new friend's big smile as you hand Aeri your glass and get up to approach her.
"I'm so glad we finally got to see each other again!" Her voice is loud and you can feel everyone's eyes boring into you from all sides, but without actually hesitating, you pull the sweet brunette into a tight hug.
"Me too", you say and chuckle at the way she actually places a soft kiss on your cheek, "you look amazing."
"Says you! How does it feel to sit at the table for the sexiest girls in the club?"
Nayeon doesn't miss a beat as she throws her arm over your shoulders and turns to look at your best friends, waving at them with her pretty lips stretched into a bright smile before she introduces herself to your girls.
"Why don't you guys join us in the b-", "Thank you so much, Yeonie. But unfortunately we were just about to leave!"
You're quick to interrupt her to make sure your boss, as well as his friends who have actually approached the four of you as well, hear exactly about your departure.
"Happy birthday, Sir", you say once your gaze lands on the the handsome face of Lee Heeseung, who just thanks you with a soft smile.
"All three of you are sincerely welcome to join us", Sim Jaeyun says and casually shoots you a wink, his plump bottom lip pulled between his teeth and for a moment you can't hide how flustered you get.
The sudden clearance of a throat gains your attention and slightly confused you let your gaze fall to the tallest of the men in front of you.
"Hi there, sweetheart", Park Sunghoon, the company's head lawyer says, his voice just loud enough to reach you through the music and you physically can't stop yourself from smiling even bigger.
"Hi, Hoonie", you smile back and push a strand of hair behind your ear, enjoying the way he seems so genuine when you both know about his reputation.
You'd never sleep with him, not because of the things everyone has to say about him or because he's not your type, but because you'd rather not be part of the girls on his long, long list.
For some reason, your conscience forces you to also verbally acknowledge the main reason for your discomfort, so with a bit of an uncomfortable smile, you turn to look at your boss, who just so happens to have his eyes fixated on you already.
"Good evening, Sir", you say and hate how much you crave his approval, only to be disappointed when Jongseong doesn't deem you worthy of a verbal response. All you get is a nod.
A fucking nod.
"Are you guys sure?", Yeonie asks with genuine sadness in her eyes, yet it's not enough for you to change your mind. You have to leave right now or the mixture of alcohol and anxiety is going to embarrass you to the point of no possible recovery.
"I don't think it's appropriate for us to join you", you suddenly reply way too honest, surprising all of them, including the CEO, with your response, "I know how strict Mr. Park is about keeping things between himself and his employees strictly business, so it's better if we leave now."
Aeri and Minie don't add anything but head movements to your little explanation, too flabbergasted to speak and too overwhelmed to react otherwise.
You have no idea what's gotten into you, the sudden urge to be petty just taking over without giving your brain the time to overthink.
"Well, you're not my employee and these two don't give a fuck about that, too", Sunghoon chuckles and looks at you with amused eyes, "three beats one. We'd love for you all to spend some time with us."
"Come on, Y/N", Lee Heeseung suddenly says and leaves you absolutely defenceless, "are you really going to leave me hanging on my birthday?"
With a quick look to your girls and a nod in response to your silent question, all you can do is shake your head and accept their offer.
The following hour passes with a lot more laughter and silly jokes as well as old high school stories from your boss and his friends than you would have expected, and despite the fact that said superior has yet to acknowledge your existence, you're actually having a good time.
By the time 1AM rolls around, you feel the exhaustion and tiredness of the past week finally catch up on you and with a soft smile, you excuse yourself to go to the ladies' room, refusing your best friends' offer to join you, since you can feel the urge to be by yourself slowly take over you.
After giving yourself five minutes and touching up your lipstick, you make your way back to the group, only for your plans to be stopped as you run into a strong chest.
"What the – Changuk?"
Your ex boyfriend's name leaves your lips almost instinctively as you look up at him and manage to recognize the face you had loved for over a year.
Overwhelmed by the sudden run in, it takes you a good moment to realise that he's wearing a suit, a tiny little label clipped to his chest which approved your assumptions.
"You're a security guard?"
"Well, hello to you too, pretty one", he chuckles and for some reason you forget about your shared past for a single moment. You haven't seen each other in several months, six to be exact. And as your slightly clouded brain tries to stay focused on the most important things, you can't help but somehow feel a sense of comfort hit you.
"Congratulations", Changuk sudddnly says with his pretty lips stretched into a genuine smile, "I heard you got a job at The Park Company."
"Thank you, Chanie", you sigh and try to remain as composed as possible, "I guess I can only give that one back. How come you started working here?"
The two of you catch up a little, your ex boyfriend never once missing the opportunity to start a few flirting attempts, which you determinedly shut down to make sure he doesn't get the wrong message.
You made the mistake of going back to him once, you're not about to make it seen like you'd ever do something as stupid as that again.
As your conversation with the security guard continues, you don't even notice how much time passes, yet you're quite sure nobody would actually notice the length of your absence.
Little do you know that Park Jongseong's eyes have been glued to the very back of the VIP section for the past ten minutes.
And with every additional minute, it seems to get more and more difficult to keep his composure.
Jongseong doesn't understand what it is about you, yet the urge to not only keep you close to himself but also make sure you're alright and well taken care of in general has slowly overtaken every single pore of his body.
He doesn't care about you. He shouldn't. The rules he's set up for himself with your employment are as clear as possible, yet they don't seem enough to stop him from getting up.
With a made up excuse, Jongseong casually makes his way to the very back, knowing he would never forgive himself if something actually did happen to you, even if the possibilities are small.
As he slowly approaches the toilets, Jay can't help but wonder at what point he decided to act on these stupid urges and how he threw all of his plans of keeping everything between the two of you as professional as possible out of the window.
Maybe it's the few glasses of whiskey finally settling into his system or maybe it's his natural protector instinct, but for some stupid reason, he can't help the way he feels about you.
Knowing you've never had a man give what you've obviously been longing for has given him these false hopes that maybe he's the one to do just that.
He's been thinking about your reaction to his little comments about your phone conversation for the past eight hours and the fact he found himself fucking his fist to the thought of you kneeling between his legs, looking up and quietly asking for nothing but a few sweet words of praise and affirmation definitely didn't help with the chaos in his head.
Jay's never had these issues with an employee before. For fuck's sake, he's never had these kind of thoughts about any women before and he absolutely despises it.
You're twentyone years old, way, way younger than the women he usual goes for. On top of it all you work for him, a fact which is usually more than enough for him to ban you from his mind, but here he is.
And as his eyes finally find your pretty figure, Jongseong can't comprehend the amount of annoyance and jealousy flooding his body as he watches the way you chuckle and giggle about whatever the fuck that guard's just said to you.
With his jaw tightly clenched and his hands balled into fists, the CEO tries his very best to calm himself down because there's absolutely no reason for him to react this way.
"I'm glad you're doing so well, pretty one", the guard says softly and slowly lifts his hand to graze your cheeks, sending another hot jolt of jealousy right into the pit of Jongseong's stomach, only for the way you're quickly moving away from his touch to suffocate the flames in one go.
"We're not together anymore, Chanie", you say and push a strand of hair behind your ear, "let's keep the distance that comes with, yeah?"
That's my girl.
The first thought to cross his mind is to claim you, when he hasn't even said a single word to you the past two hours.
At this point Jong feels like laughing at himself for his pathetic behavior.
"Oh, come on, Babe", the tall guard suddenly says and leaves you no room to escape as he cages you in with his hand against the wall, right next to your head, "we're still a dream team, why can't you see it?"
Jongseong carefully and attentively watches your reactions and besides the obvious discomfort, sudden anger grazes your face, a sight he hasn't seen before and can't help but feel intrigued by.
"I don't think one party of a 'dream team' could claim that title after cheating on the other", you spit back at him, brows furrowed and lips pressed into a thin line.
So, turns out your previous boyfriend wasn't only a headache in bed but also a god damn cheater.
For a moment, Jongseong struggles to maintain his composure, the thought of all the pain and heartbreak you went through because that stupid fucker couldn't keep it in his pants simply makes his blood boil.
Despite your reaction, Changuk doesn't seem to be very fazed by it and with an awkward chuckle he just grabs your chin and pulls you closer to his body; his sudden use of strength surprising you to the point where you can barely push your hands against his chest to move away from his touch.
"I've always liked that mouth of yours", he casually replies and nudges his nose against yours and for a moment Jongseong's vision actually turns completely black, the fact that man dared to not only verbally disrespect you but also seems to give absolutely no fucks about your lack of consent leaves him absolutely flabbergasted.
"Back the fuck off, Changuk", you say and struggle to push your ex boyfriend away, forcefully turning your head to the side to escape his attempt of a kiss and as soon as he somehow finds his way back to reality, Jongseong's body acts on his anger before his brain can even give it a single thought.
With just a few steps, your boss appears right behind your ex boyfriend, his brows furrowed and nothing but deep anger lingering in the usually so empty brown of his eyes.
A little yelp escapes you in response to Park Jongseong harshly grabbing the back of Changuk's collar and forcefully pulling him away from you. You don't even get enough time to realise what's happening when Jongseong turns his back on you and gives his full attention to the security guard on the floor.
"M-Mr. Park?"
Because of your boss's height you can't really see your ex boyfriend's expression but just from the shaking of his voice you can tell how genuinely scared he is. As he should be.
It's been about time he finally learns what it means to back off when he's told to.
"If I see you bother her again I'm going to turn you into a plastic surgeon's biggest nightmare, got it? Take your things and get the fuck out of here. Don't bother talking to Mr. Lee about this, I'll do that for you in great detail. Now fuck off and pray to whoever you believe in that we don't run into each other anymore because I won't hold back the next time. Pathetic piece of shit."
You don't know, if it's the meaning behind his words, this particular choice of or just the fact that they have given you a sense of protection in a way you've never experienced it before but for some reason you feel your heartbeat slowing down and a wave of calmness overcoming your anxious system.
Jongseong doesn't say anything else, just waits for Changuk to get up and walk away before he finally turns around to face you and the softness and worry grazing his pretty features definitely surprises you.
"Are you okay, Y/N?" His voice is gentle, his eyes nervously roam your face to look for any kind of discomfort or pain and you hate how much you love the way he looks at you. It's like he'd do anything to keep you safe and protected, comfortable and at ease; something you've never felt with anyone before. And it really had to be with your boss, of all people.
"Yes", you whisper and finally meet his strong gaze, losing yourself in the sweet brown of his iris quicker than you woukd have ever expected, "I mean – Yes, Sir. Thank you so much for stepping in."
"Of course", Jongseong replies quickly, the urge to take your pretty face into his hands and just pull you into his chest taking every bit of oxygen out of his lungs.
"I'm sorry for causing you so much stress and discomfort tonight. It won't ever happen again, I promise. The girls and I are gonna leave now so you can also enjoy the night with your friends and girlfriend."
As the words leave your mouth, you feel a wave of shame and embarrassment hit you yet again; the thought of being the reason why your boss couldn't even enjoy his best friend's birthday like a troubled kid definitely makes you want to disappear forever, yet there's no point in overthinking it.
"Shiah isn't my girlfriend", is the first ghing he clarifies and for a moment you're simply confused as to why he felt the need to do that, "and you didn't cause me any discomfort or stress. I enjoyed tonight and your company really changed things up a bit. Don't be so mean to yourself, Y/N."
"Oh." You physically can't stop the sound from escaping your lips and with big eyes you look up at your boss, only then realising just how close he is.
You can't help but wonder how it might feel to be held by him. The question if his embrace feels even safer and more protective than his presence lingering in the back of your busy mind.
"Thank you, Sir", you whisper and finally get yourself to look away. Your heart not strong enough to lose itself in any more false hopes as it is your boss you're currently looking at.
"Good", Jongseong has to physically bite down ln his tongue to stop himself from crossing a line he's been so adamant about drawing between the two of you by adding a single word, and as he watches the slight shinmer of anticipation dying down in your eyes, he knows he did the right thing. No matter how much it hurts his heart.
The young CEO simply can't do anything which might give you the wrong message. He won't sleep with you and despite the disgusting need to give you verbal affirmation and make you feel good about yourself, it's never going to go past that.
And after so many years and meeting different kinds of women, Jongseong knows why you're looking at him like that. You want what he can absolutely give you, yet for the first time in his life he can't bear the thought of the possible outcomes.
"I'm gonna call my chauffeur so he can drop you off at home and please text me once you've arrived. I wanna make sure you're all safe."
Those are his last words before he finally forces himself to turn his back on you again, not realising that his lack of self control regarding you is going to be a bigger problem than he could have ever imagined.
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← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →
(A/N: and here we are! different than the other two smaus this one started off pretty esrly with the written chap but i felt like it was needed to understand their thought process for the following chapters! i hope you guys enjoyed it and thank you so much for all the love and support, i love you so much 🥺 feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!!!!🧸🤍)
TAGLIST CLOSED: @soonigiri @xrr-s4sha @kwiwin @heelcvr @deobitifull @kpoprhia @doodlelibrary @abrazosolorcereza @certifiedmoa @sleeping-demons @heerinnie @ohmy-moonlightx @starlightmkl @heeswif3y @hoonieluv @fakeuwus @jjaeyuns @cheybabey @ineedsomezzz @super-amberlynn @kshoshi @tinie03 @soiimo @mimikittysblog @primroselover @heebrry @jebetwo @donghyckl @07myonlylove @enhamysunshines @quemirasboboandapaya @lostwonderwall @seuomo @enhaz1 @teawithbucky @beomgyusonlywife @dammit-jjk @lhsvibez @azurez @boutyouwonu @finchyy @ocyeanicc @jaylaxies @glitterssim @in-somnias-world @zerasari @spookyauthorspopmusictrash @capri-cuntz @fluerz @3amstarlight
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kittysarchive · 5 months
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Baby Daddy trope, Enhypen
*this is just my understanding of baby daddies :(
warnings- baby daddy/ no relationship, single parent? talks of abandonment
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Heeseung
One night stand
Cuming inside you shouldn't have lead to this.... Having a one night stand is bad enough...and getting pregnant from it is worse. You didn't have his phone number, his address, where he worked. Having taken him to your house, all you got from him was your name. Back tracing him, begging the bar for some camera footage and client in formation...finally you find him. Being already a month pregnant and finally tracking him down, you did not get a good reaction from him.
"Your fucking with me right?" Heeseung glared at you from over the counter. You had found his work and while on shift told him the news.
"I'm serious, why did you have to cum inside me!" You raised your voice, not caring f the customers heard. Cheeks blushing, Heeseung turned his face away, he didn't have enough money to raise a child at his age....how could this happen?
Jay
Boss
You were ashamed when you saw the pregnancy test. So much that you even quite the job, hoarding enough money to move house. Even just 10 minutes further from your old job, you never though you could show up there. Reason, sleeping with your boss who had a large age gap.... just to get a raise...and getting pregnant, you couldn't handle the incoming embarrassment. Having his number already, you called him over to your new house.
"What's this?" Jay gaslighted himself. He had a wife and three kids.....and he got you pregnant.
"You know what it is" You said annoyed. Being days pregnant, you felt the mood swings already. Hand covering his mouth, he didn't know how to react. All he knew was he wasn't going to let you suffer, he had enough money to help raise the child, in secret of course.
Jake
Brothers best friend
You were fucked. You had no other way then to say it like that. You couldn't tell you family and defiantly not your brother...whose father was his best friend. With only a three year age gap, it was bad enough with the relationship he had with your father, and you being fresh out of school... Contacting him was easy enough, actually telling him was the hard part. Meeting at a park....that's where you told him to meet.
"So what's so important?" Jake jogged over to you. Sighing, you had been hiding your pregnancy for a week and you had to tell him now.
"You know...how multiple flings?" You confessed, having exactly three flings beofrehand.....tahts all it took to get pregnant. Jake nodded his head, slowly getting anxious.
"Well....I'm pregnant" Jakes eyes widened. The last hookup being a daze, he always wore a condom....he never even though of cuming in side. But...last time you were both drunk.
Sunghoon
Collage
He was cute, you asked him out, he fucked you nice and now your pregnant. A month to be exact. Your roommate was aware, well are in fact but your hookup, Sunghoon wasn't. With your roommate begging you to tell him, he in fact could be of help. What if his parents were rich! Or he actually wanted to be in a relationship with you..... waiting outside of his lecture, you pulled him to the side when he came out.
"What would you do if I was pregnant?" You asked, no smile on your face. Sunghoon gulped, what type of prank was this.....what was your name again?
"Did I hookup with you?" Sunghoon didn't even know who you were. But you voice did sound familiar. You nod your head. Mind pacing back to the original question...why did you ask that?
"Are you...." He begins.
"Yeah" You smile as if this was some kind of sick joke.
Sunoo
underclass man
You took you only live once seriously. Hooking up with the cute and seemingly innocent boy who was a grade below was a thrill for you and him. Not going all night.... but you still made a mess with him. And of course, no protection, dumb highschoolers led to pregnancy. Being a senior....it was acceptable? But for hooking with a younger grade and getting pregnant and your parents not even approving of it, yeah you were ashamed. Finding him in the school halls, you pushed Sunoo into the girls bathroom.
"W-What" His eyes widen, he didn't want to be pushed let alone in the girls bathroom. Looking gup and seeing you made him nervous for some reason.
"You got me pregnant" You say blankly. Sunoo stumbles, finding the right words.
"H-hang what!" His face reddens, he still has another full year at school, his family could kick him out...he would loose all of his friends. Nodding your head as if you agreed with his inner thoughts, Sunoo couldn't stop the tears from coming out.
Jungwon
Same friend group
Having the same friends, in the same friend group, having many things in common led one thig to another. It was an accident! You never though of Jungwon in any romantic way or setting yet one night...you were all over each other. Unable to stop the passion, you became pregnant from the event/fling. Now here, staring at the pregenacy result, you felt weird. He was your friend! Not best friend but you knew a some decent facts about him and some, very honest truth and now he was a baby daddy...
"Heyy" You smile at the camera as he picked up the video call, smiling back he greeted you.
"Do you ever want to be dad?" You asked, turning serious, he laughs.
"No" Smile fading, there goes your helper for this child...lets hope he doesn't abandon you.
"To bad, I'm pregnant" You laugh, seeing Jungwon's smile fade as you tell hi the news, on a video call.
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Sweetest Dreams || B.Barnes - Part 4
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Character: mob!Bucky x Reader
Summary: Finally, it's the right time with the right person. ❤️
Warning: Kidnapped, tortured (only a small part)
Part 1: Echoes Of Revenge
Part 2: Shattered Echoes
Part 3: All The Lies
Main Masterlist || support: Ko-fi
Thank you to anyone who gave a like, reblog, and left a comment. It motivated me to write more. 
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"This is fucked up. Where am I?" Y/N's thoughts echoed in the disorienting haze surrounding her.
Ivan, the orchestrator of her current predicament, stood menacingly before her, a cruel grin etched across his face. "You should blame yourself for being in this condition," he sneered.
Y/N, still grappling with the fog in her mind, pressed for answers. "Where am I?"
Ivan, relishing in his control, delivered the chilling truth. "A hangout place for drug addicts. So if you don't listen to me, the next morning the police will find your body. Overdose."
‘Shit.’ Panic surged within Y/N as she scanned her surroundings, her eyes landing on a lone door – a potential lifeline out of this nightmare.
“Stop thinking about escaping.” Ivan's fingers dug into her chin, forcing her to meet his menacing gaze. “To be honest, I don't want to kill you. Because I need your brain to make money.”
Y/N, defiance burning in her eyes, said, “You think I will agree?”
Ivan leaned in, his breath sending a cold shiver down her spine. “You have to. After you make me bankrupt, I've gained a lot of enemies – elite people who invested their money in the company. And they want their money back.”
“So, you want to return the money to high-influence people rather than those with low income?” Y/N's disdain dripped from her words, her body language betraying a simmering anger.
Unfazed, Ivan smirked, reveling in the power dynamic. Y/N, unable to contain her disgust, spat on his face in an act of defiance. Undeterred, Ivan scoffed, “Those people are small fish. The most important thing is the big whale.”
Infuriated, Y/N spat on his face again, her eyes ablaze with defiance. “Work again with a mastermind who made thousands of families bankrupt? Fuck no.” She turned her attention to the door, silently calculating the risks and possibilities of escape.
Ivan wiped his face with a cloth, savoring the moment with a sinister satisfaction. "I knew you wouldn't agree, but I'll change your mind," he declared with a dark chuckle.
With a snap of his fingers, the dimly lit place transformed into blinding brightness. Y/N, still disoriented, realized she was tied to an electric chair. Someone approached from behind, forcing a mouthguard into her mouth.
Before she could react, her head was jolted by an electric shock, and a muffled scream escaped through the mouthguard, "Mrghh!" Tears streamed down her face as the searing pain coursed through her.
Ivan, reveling in the torment he was inflicting, taunted, "You've made my life hell for a year, Y/N. Now I want to torture you a bit."
Y/N, in the midst of the excruciating pain, wished for a chance to apologize to Bucky if today was to be her last.
"BAM!"
Ivan, caught off guard, exclaimed in surprise. He had been confident that no one knew about this hidden location. However, he was about to learn the extent of Bucky's knowledge of the town.
Bucky stormed in with a powerful kick to Ivan's face, sending him crashing.
“What the fuck?” Ivan spluttered, struggling to stand.
Bucky's eyes fell on Y/N, tied to the chair and seemingly lifeless. Panic and darkness consumed him for a moment as he approached her. "Y/N?"
He lifted her gently, holding her close. "You can't die. I don't know what to do without you."
“Urggh, I'm still alive, idiot,” Y/N weakly replied. Opening her eyes felt like a daunting task, and she couldn't quite believe that Bucky had come to her rescue.
Bucky, overwhelmed with relief, clenched his teeth. His gaze shifted to Ivan, who was still attempting to rise.
He turned to Steve, who had followed him to save Y/N. “Make sure he never sees the sun again.”
Steve nodded, advancing towards Ivan with a determined expression. He swiftly broke Ivan's arm, eliciting a pained cry. “You messed with the wrong person, pal,” Steve smirked, ensuring Ivan faced the consequences of his malevolent actions.
Bucky cradled Y/N, his eyes reflecting worry, anger, and relief. "I've got you," he whispered, vowing to protect her from any further harm.
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Bucky, keeping a watchful eye on Y/N as she slept in the hospital bed, found himself reflecting on a similar moment from his recent past when he had visited her father.
Her father had looked at him and said, “What a small world.”
Indeed, it was a small world.
Fifteen years ago, Bucky was a teenage boy living alone in a desolate house. His mother had left, and no one bothered with the household chores. His father, Nicholas, was indifferent, unmoved by Bucky's struggles. School was a constant battleground for him, and life seemed monotonous and purposeless.
Then, one day, Bucky noticed his father bringing a guest home. His father never bothered with hospitality, a clue that this visitor wasn't just any guest. It was the first meeting with Y/N's father, a long-time friend of his own father.
Bucky calls him the kind uncle because he worries about Bucky more than his father.
This kind uncle regularly visited, bringing homemade food Bucky gratefully accepted. It was a lifeline in a home where food was scarce.
The kind uncle shared, "I have a daughter your age. I'll bring her next time." However, that promise remained unfulfilled, and it turned out to be the last visit. Bucky later learned that his father had lent the kind uncle money with exorbitant interest, severing their friendship.
It was pivotal for Bucky, revealing the depth of his father's greed and how money could destroy longstanding friendships. The realization left an indelible mark on him, shaping his future goals. Bucky vowed that if he ever became wealthy, he wouldn't burden his friends with the weight of borrowed money.
Then, when he entered university, he met her—the daughter of that kind uncle, Y/N. The revelation brought a sense of purpose to Bucky's life. He witnessed her being taken advantage of by classmates and seniors at the club, prompting him to take a stand and become her shield.
With him by her side, nobody dared to exploit Y/N anymore. Despite her initial annoyance towards him, Bucky saw a cute, angry kitten in her eyes, and teasing her became a daily amusement, injecting excitement into his otherwise mundane university days.
As they transitioned into adulthood, Y/N underwent a transformation. Her style matured, and she exuded newfound confidence, a far cry from her college days, where she often kept her head down.
Bucky enjoyed the challenge when she underestimated him, eventually giving her money because of her work in an investment company. Little did he know that this woman would swiftly elevate him to wealth.
Y/N's unexpected departure left Bucky in a state of confusion. He waited for a month, then three, and finally, six months passed, but she never returned.
The unanswered question lingered: What did he do wrong? His search for her took a year, but when he found her, she revealed that she had used him to rectify his father's mistake, the same father who had caused harm to her own.
Despite the revelation, Bucky didn't care about the past. He just wanted her back. However, Y/N, this stubborn and seemingly heartless woman, refused to yield.
As he watched her sleep, Bucky's hand cradled her cold cheeks. He joined her side, wrapping her in an embrace to ward off the chill. His fingers gently brushed her hair as he stared at the sleeping figure, who had inadvertently disrupted his life since the moment they met.
Bucky didn't harbor hatred; he found perfection in the chaos she brought into his life. The only thing he desired now was for her to wake up and ensure she could never leave him again.
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Y/N blinked, momentarily blinded by the morning light streaming in from the window. The female nurse, noticing her awakening, hurried over to assist Y/N in sitting up.
"My dear, you've woken up? You've been asleep for two days," she informed a hint of concern in her voice. The dryness in Y/N's throat confirmed the duration of her unconsciousness.
Two days – no wonder everything felt hazy. Y/N's attention perked up when the nurse continued, "Rest assured, the bad guy has been taken to the police. Your fiancé has been keeping an eye on you for 24 hours."
'Fiancé?'
Y/N's eyes widened at the unexpected revelation. She hadn't realized she had a fiancé. The sliding door opened, revealing Bucky carrying a bucket of flowers. His face lit up with a warm smile upon seeing Y/N awake. "Babe, you're awake," he greeted cheerfully.
The female nurse couldn't help but giggle at the scene. "Yes, and she's healthy. Aww, so romantic, you bring new flowers today." She grinned at the young couple before making her exit.
Bucky chuckled as he placed the flowers in a vase. Y/N couldn't shake off her surprise. He took a seat beside her, brushing her hair gently. "It's the safest way. If everyone knows that you're my fiancée, no one will dare to kidnap you," he explained matter-of-factly.
He pulled her into a tight hug, their bodies sinking into the hospital bed. "Y/N, please don't go. I don't know what I would do without you," Bucky pleaded, his eyes reflecting the exhaustion from lack of sleep. Y/N's heart ached at the sight of the big man pleading.
She gets closer, kissing his forehead. "I won't go anywhere."
Bucky's eyes widened in surprise, a brilliant smile replacing his earlier plea. Finally, in that small hospital bed with the sterile scent of antiseptic lingering, it didn't matter. Bucky could have the sweetest dreams as long as she was beside him.
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Author Note:
Hey friends,
If you've been enjoying the content, I've set up a Ko-fi account. Your support through tips would mean the world and help me keep creating. Only if you feel like it!
Here's the link: Ko-fi
Thanks a bunch for being fabulous followers!
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sysmedsaresexist · 4 months
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We're curious, since you apparently were anti-endo in the past Was there any specific event or conversation or experience that got you to start contemplating the idea you might have been wrong? I know you've mentioned talking to a buncha big name docs and going "okay I think I'm on the wrong side of this debate" but what got you to the point of even bringing it up with them in a genuinely open minded way? We think its an interesting topic for people who've escaped any kind of shithead mindset, not just anti-endo stuff, and so we're oft curious what pulls people out of those pits
This has been a loooonnggggg time coming.
I wish there was just one event that did it, if it was that simple I'd be putting everyone I come into contact with into that situation.
I spoke with Kymbra Clayton in early 2021 about her paper, Critiquing the Requirement of Oneness. It was on a bunch of, "proof endos exist," lists, and it didn't sit right with me. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t... quite anti endo, but she was upset that her work was being used to support them. Her paper was specifically about the shift in clinical circles from final fusion to functional multiplicity as a possible treatment goal. It sort of sent me deeper on the anti side, but it made me realize that, holy crap, I can talk to these people???
So I emailed Colin Ross later that year, desperate to prove someone else wrong, and despite numerous back and forth emails, he was completely pro endo. I never spoke about that conversation until I made my post about it... jeez, what, two weeks ago? What even is time.
But from there, I worked through other doctors, pro and anti, from both my personal, professional circles, and anyone else who would respond to inquiries about their work on whatever social media they were active on. Mostly, as therapists, they stressed the importance of understanding and kindness, regardless of personal beliefs.
I ended up helping a lot of endogenic systems learn about DID, and I realized that, wow, shocking, being nice facilitates conversation. As I got nicer, people were more willing to talk to me about their experiences. I saw how many people were really struggling and I realized that I wanted to help them more than I wanted to be right.
I got REALLY goddamn tired of hearing, "we don't have DID," and I realized I had to concede on that point. There was ZERO conversation to be had if I couldn't get my head around that. But if not DID, then what?
The more I heard, the more I shaped my own thoughts and understanding, the more I broadened my academic searches (wow, there's more terms to Google than just "DID trauma"), and the research was just overwhelming.
I wanted so badly to see the Stanford Tulpa studies fail that I actually started to enjoy the other work of the doctors involved (specifically Tanya Luhrmann, Michael Lifshitz is a little out there for me, but he sure is passionate). The more I read, the more I understood what they were hoping to accomplish and prove, and the more I saw ways that this kind of research can help people.
I don't agree with everything, but I'm still excited to see where it goes, and I realized it's okay to have mixed feelings and opinions, as long as I could be respectful about it.
I've been sneaking out endo safe content for about a year now, adding it on as the last tags. I've discussed at length about my changing beliefs. I'm shocked that no one noticed??
But I didn't actually change my stance publicly until the antis turned on me.
With this new round of antis from TikTok, they were posting stuff about DID that wasn't correct. At all. Some of it was disgustingly wrong. I tried to correct them, gave them pointers and resources to use, explained things they weren't understanding. I gave an amazing play by play of how @sophieinwonderland was going to tear their post apart, and managed to get it pretty damn close to what actually happened! That was fun.
And in return, they called me an endo and started an actual smear campaign against me.
(Hi, friendos, another reminder to get off my blogs and block me, please)
It was the straw that broke the back. I had held on the anti label specifically to be able to work within the anti community, but I was clearly not anti, these were clearly not my people, and they weren't interested in learning. Their actions and behaviour were beyond low. I wanted nothing to do with them.
But, I mean, I guess some people noticed my slow shift, because when I did reach out into the endo community just before I made my first Colin Ross post, they were quick to pull me in without question.
The acceptance and kindness that has been shown to me is... breathtaking. I can't think of a better word. The conversations that I've been having with people have been more interesting and beneficial than ever before.
Syscourse needs to involve actual conversation, and I've finally found that on the pro side.
TL;dr I wanted to prove endos wrong SO badly that I accidentally proved them right
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sopebubbles · 1 year
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Master List
Seven
Synopsis: in a world where alphas, betas, and omegas live along side modern humans as second class citizens, you've fallen through the cracks of a society that wants to take everything wonderful from you. Luckily a timely encounter with the boys just might save your life.
Chapter summary: Hoseok goes into heat and everyone else struggles. I'm honestly not gonna give more away than that.
Warnings: talk of mpreg (thats just gonna come up a lot in this story), like one mention of a penis, we are mostly glossing over hobis heat tbh bc i dont feel like doing smut in this chapter, do alphas have a breeding kink? Or is that just their nature? 🤔 mentions of past abuse, homelessness
WC: 6.7k
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If Yoongi had known ahead of time that Hoseok was going into heat, then of course he would not have offered to take someone's eight hour shift in addition to his own. Sometimes the needs to provide and protect really opposed each other. Fucking capitalism. He already hated the idea of it because sixteen hours was way too many to be away from you, especially when sitting across the room from you was a struggle. Yoongi wanted to be next to you, against you, touching your skin. Not in a sexual way. He figured that wasn't a possibility, and maybe wouldn't be for a very long time. That was fine. He had six lovers—well, five if you consider the fact that Yoongi and Namjoon loved each other very much but could never quite work their way around sex with one another. He didn't need that from you. He just needed you. He needed you to need him in a way he had always wanted to be needed, so he figured a little overtime when the opportunity arose would be a good thing to ensure he could provide for you.
Yoongi hadn't grown up with a pack or an alpha. His mother, a beta, claimed his father was an alpha who died before he was born, but Yoongi always thought it was more likely he just left them. He couldn't really blame the guy. Alpha was a big job to fill, at least if you did it right. Not everyone was cut out for it just because they were born an alpha. When he was fourteen, Yoongi's mom joined a pack with a new alpha, and although Yoongi never fully felt part of that pack, he did have a great deal of respect for the pack alpha who took them in and demonstrated what it meant to protect and provide. 
After Yoongi had presented as an alpha, he dreamed of being the leader of his own pack, but his attempts to build a pack in his early twenties failed. He quickly learned that a pack wasn't made out of sheer force of will. You needed the right personalities and to work with each other. No amount of leadership could make love where there was none, and Yoongi wanted a pack that was bound by more than just convenience. When he met Jungkook, he found that a pack like that already existed, and if Yoongi had to sacrifice being its leader to be a part of it, he decided he could live with that. He could still be a good alpha even if he wasn't at the top.
Part of being a good alpha meant helping with heats, so it was frustrating not being able to leave work to be there like Jin could. Namjoon and Yoongi were lucky to have rut leave, but most sap employers didn't understand the importance of being available for packmates, so they just had to do the best they could. At least Seokjin and Taehyung could always be there, and Jimin was allowed a few days leave by his shelter for Hoseok's heats. Jungkook, too, would have to do the best he could, but he usually called in at least a couple of sick days to help out. 
Yoongi's plan was to check on you first and then check in with the pack before getting a shower to wash off the scents of other people. Most likely he would try to do that before he even approached Hoseok or the omega would go crazy. As soon as he opened the front door, he could tell that his heat was in full effect. Hobi's brown sugar was thick molasses and his moans could be heard easily from upstairs. There wasn't a packmate in sight, which probably meant he was in full all pups in the nest mode. He might not be able to sneak that shower after all. But he still had to check on you. 
The door to the first floor bedroom you had occupied for the last five nights was closed. Could you be sleeping through this? Or were you hiding instead? He decided to knock, but received no response. Fear clutched in his stomach. Could the pack have neglected you so much in their efforts to care for Hoseok that you had passed out again? Yoongi turned the knob frantically to get into your room, only for his heart to drop through the floor. All of the soft, fluffy blankets that Hoseok had made into your nest were folded neatly in a stack on the bed. There wasn't a piece of trash or mislaid item in the room. It was empty, and Yoongi didn't need to look for you to know you were gone. He checked the bathroom anyway, just to confirm what he already knew. He dragged both hands through his hair as if he could clear the fog of panic. Where did you go? How long have you been gone? 
Maybe protecting is more important than providing. 
"Fuck," he muttered just before hearing Hoseok's cry of ecstacy ring through the house. He didn't emerge from the room until a few moments later when he heard clumsy footsteps hurry down the stairs. He could easily recognize that they came from Jimin, so he stepped into the hall. 
"Hyung!" Jimin called excitedly. "You're finally home!" The beta walked to the kitchen and began to load his arms up with cold water bottles. "Hobi just took his first knot so you better hurry and get changed before he starts getting super possessive. What's wrong, hyung?"
Yoongi looked away when the younger man looked at his face. "I'll take a shower down here and meet you up there in a minute."
"What about Y/N?" 
"She's gone," Yoongi said softly. What was left of Jimin's smile collapsed.
"What?"
"Her room is empty. She's gone," he repeated.
Jimin dumped the bottles in his arms onto the kitchen table and hurried toward the spare room. "No, she was here a couple hours ago." He pushed the door open to check the scene but he found what the alpha said to be true. "Where did she go?"
"I don't know."
"When?"
"I don't know, Jimin." Yoongi felt empty, but he didn't want to blame it on them. He was the one who should have been there watching over you. He was the one who fucked up.
"But Jin told her she could stay. She said she'd think about it," Jimin spoke just as softly as he did.
"I guess she decided not to."
Jimin turned to his alpha looking for answers. "What do we do?"
Yoongi sighed and tried to contain his grief. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to leave the house right now and dig up every instinct of his to hunt you down through this city and bring you back where you belonged. But that would be barbaric and archaic of him, and exactly the opposite of what you needed. You must have left for a reason. It didn't mean they couldn't find you and convince you to come back. You weren't dead. At least you weren't injured, or at least he hoped. But that wasn't the only problem right now. He still had an omega in heat, an omega who he knew—even though he was convinced no one could care as much as he did—would also be worried about you, and disappointed that you were gone.
"I'm going to shower. You go help with Hobi. Don't say anything."
"But–"
"We have to wait for the right time. When he's a little clear headed," Yoongi reasoned. 
Jimin nodded sadly, gathering the water bottles into his arms again. "Okay. Don't take too long." Yoongi pursed his lips and nodded. "Hyung, I'm sorry. I really wanted her to stay, too. I wish–"
"Let's discuss it later, Jimin," Yoongi cut him off and gestured toward the stairs for the beta to go. If Jimin got him talking about how much he wanted her there, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from leaving to find you. And as much as he wanted you, this was his pack right now, and he owed it to Hobi to be around. So he went to the shower you had spent yesterday afternoon cleaning and turned on the cold water. He tried his best to push his thoughts of you out of his mind and meditate his scent into something that wasn't too sad as he scrubbed himself clean. He couldn't think about where you might be right now. Where would you even go? Back to that awful shelter? Why couldn't you just stay? Was it something he'd done, or one of the other guys? Were there just too many of them? He could have taken you away, somewhere for just the two of you. No, he'd have to take Jimin, too. Fuck. He shook his head to rid himself of the thought. He needed to think about his pack, not the omega who wasn't his. He let the cold water run steadily over his face for a long time, emptying his head of any thoughts except the feeling of the cold stream. Finally, he shut the water off and shook the water from his hair before he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. 
His hair was still dripping when he arrived at the landing outside the pack's nest room. Through the open door, Yoongi could see Hoseok lying on Namjoon's expansive chest while Jungkook wiped his neck and shoulders with a damp cloth. By the looks of it, Jin's knot had only just deflated, but he still laid behind his lover, talking in a whisper with Jimin while the beta fed him grapes. 
Jin looked at Yoongi as he stepped carefully over a squeaky floorboard and into the room. He took in his naked chest and the towel slung low across his hips as the alpha came to the edge of the nest. Yoongi's eyes roamed over the pack omega as if asking a question. 
"He just fell asleep," Namjoon answered, stroking his fingers through Hoseok's dark brown hair. 
"Did you shower downstairs?" Jin asked. Yoongi nodded. "Was that a good idea?" The pack alpha asked and it almost sounded like a warning. 
Yoongi looked at him sharply. "It wasn't a problem." He sat at the edge of the bed and Hoseok began to stir, clearly not deep in sleep. 
"Yoongi?" The omega called softly. 
Yoongi crawled up to lay himself over Hoseok's lower half, resting his chin on the man's hip. "I'm right here, my love."
"You're home," he mumbled and Yoongi hummed in response. "Bring little pup here. Need everyone in the nest."
Yoongi caressed the skin of Hoseok's side. "I would if I could, my love. But you know that I can't." Hoseok pouted. "She's not our omega. You are."
"Want her to be my omega," Hoseok moaned.
"I know, Hobi. Me, too."
Hoseok turned onto his back and pulled at Yoongi's shoulders to get him closer. "Alpha," he crooned. "Need your knot alpha." Hoseok pushed aside the towel from his hips to reach for his cock.
Yoongi kissed his lips softly. "I know you do, baby. But you know the rules. You can only have Jinnie's knot so you can have his pup," he reminded, brushing hair away from Hoseok's eyes. He looked over at the other alpha, who stared back with dark, intent eyes.
"You can fuck our sweet omega, Yoongi. You just have to use a condom," Jin said. 
Yoongi suppressed a sigh. He'd always hated this rule of Jin's ever since it had started a year ago. Sure, they could fuck normally outside of Hobi's heat, but in order to ensure when he got pregnant, the baby would be Jin's, the others always had to use protection.
"I will, if that's what my Hobi wants," Yoongi agreed with a soft kiss to his scent gland. It wasn't that he was unwilling. He would still get to feel Hoseok. He would still cum. But his instincts knew that he wouldn't be able to breed his omega, and it left him feeling deeply unsatisfied every time. 
Hoseok moaned, "Need to feel you  alpha." So Yoongi took the condom that Jungkook offered. 
Seokjin and Yoongi had grown up just as differently as you and Hoseok. Even if Yoongi's situation had never been as grim as yours, he knew what it was like to go without and to feel like an outsider. It was hard to make friends with other Lykos sometimes when the other kids had strict packs or so many siblings they didn't need other playmates. It certainly wasn't any easier to make friends with Saps, who would always treat him as a little different. And constantly moving as his mother did her best to keep them afloat in a world definitely not designed for single mothers never helped to maintain whatever friendships he did happen to make. Finding the pack and living with them for five years was the most stability he had ever known.
Seokjin’s life had been the definition of stability. He was born in the house where three previous generations of his family had lived. People wanted to be associated with him wherever he went—sure it was because of his connections to the most powerful Lykos in the country, but at least he never felt unwanted. His older brothers and sisters had been his playmates, at least until they all presented, and as the youngest he was always doted on. And then there was Hoseok, who had clung to Seokjin first and soon found he would never get away, not that he wanted to. 
Jin's family had a long lineage full of stereotypical alphas. Not in brute force like in the days before integration with Saps where physical power was power. But they had learned in the early years to cultivate political power in the public sphere. Nearly every alpha in his family had a position in government, elected or otherwise. Seokjin had only narrowly escaped that career path because he had so many older alpha siblings, and because he managed to convince his mother that having a member of the family who wasn't involved in politics would make their image as a collective a little less power hungry. Deep down he didn't have the ambition. At 20, he already knew that he wanted to do enough to have a happy and comfortable life with the man he loved, and to not have to make the kind of sacrifices other members of his family had to make for power.
At home, the alphas of his pack had been the kind to demand respect and to dole out punishment when it wasn't immediately given. Seokjin had never wanted to be that kind of alpha, one who needed to be obeyed, or who purposely filled his pack with omegas and betas so that he would be on top. Unlike Yoongi, he hadn't aspired to be a pack alpha, only to be Hoseok's alpha. It just so happened that he met several other alphas that they both came to love—and if having more alphas for Hoseok took some of the burden off of him, then that was a bonus.
Jin had never shown such toxic alpha traits until a year ago, and since everyone had tiptoed around the subtle and not-so-subtle changes in his personality, no one knew what had changed. It had been a meeting with his mother, which had taken place at his office so none of the pack knew. It wasn't that his birth pack disapproved of his pack exactly. It was just that none of them could do anything to support the power of the family, so his mother in particular didn't see any reason to be involved with them very often. Only Jin and his husband were ever invited to public events, and for the most part everyone was perfectly happy with the situation. There was only so much limelight to go around and most of his siblings had no problems soaking it up.  
That didn't mean his mother was disinterested in his future though. She was especially interested in him having pups. He and Hoseok had been married for nearly a decade now, without a single baby. 
"We've just been waiting for things to get settled. It will happen when the time is right," he insisted once again. This conversation occurred at least twice a year.
"Well, settle them. You're the alpha. It's your job to decide when and how things happen for your pack, Seokjin."
"It's not that simple–"
His mother threw her hands in the air. When would her son learn to take some initiative? "Of course it is! You haven't added anyone to your pack in several years. I'd say things are quite settled. You need to have a child. You're not getting any younger, and neither is Hoseok. You have a bloodline to continue."
"Mom," he groaned. "You have half a dozen grandchildren already. Why do you need to pressure me?"
"It's not about quantity. Don't you want to be a father?"
"Of course I do." It was true. He'd always wanted a child with Hobi. That was never in question. 
"Listen, Jinnie. Maybe it's time you consider adding another omega to your pack. A female omega might have an easier time conceiving and fewer risks–"
Seokjin pinched the bridge of his nose as he interrupted her. "I don't want another omega, mom! Hoseok is all I want or need."
"I know several lovely young ladies who might be a good fit for you! It doesn't have to be a love match."
"Mom!"
"You have too many alphas anyway. You need to even things out a little. If you brought in another omega it might put the other alphas at ease. Especially Yoongi. He might challenge you less if he had someone else to focus on."
"Mother! Yoongi and I are fine. We don't need someone else."
"Yoongi has the potential to be a pack alpha and I know you know that. He will take it from you if given the chance. You have to do something to assert your dominance in this pack. You need to have a child, and you need to be sure that it's yours."
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You left the house so early the public library wasn't even open yet when you arrived. You nodded in acknowledgement at another regular before sitting on the concrete wall out front to wait. The sun was still rising, and the spring air felt cool and damp with dew. Your stomach rumbled. You should have eaten before you left the house.
Don't you think you've taken enough advantage of their kindness? 
Yes.
Alpha would be mad if he knew I didn't eat.
He's not your alpha.
The opening of the library's front entrance took you mercifully out of your thoughts. A librarian stepped outside and held the door open, greeting the patrons who had gathered outside like you with a smile as you got to your feet. She was a Sap, but a kind woman you had spoken to on a few occasions. She always treated you and the other Lykos who came into the library with kindness.
"How are you today, Y/N?" The woman, Maria, asked as you approached the open door. 
"I'm alright," you smiled politely. "It's still early."
She laughed softly. "Haven't seen you in a bit. Everything okay?" She closed the door after you entered and you waited for her to walk around to her desk before you answered.
"Just been busy. Can I get a guest pass for the computer?"
She typed something on her keyboard before looking at you again. "Did you lose your card?" You nodded in response. "We can get you a new one. I just need to see your ID."
You shook your head and she looked at you curiously. "I have my ID…but I don't live at that address anymore, and I know it's supposed to be current so…I'll wait until I find a new place and get one then." You fidgeted uneasily as you explained, your eyes downcast, so you didn't see her frown and her sympathetic eyes.
"I'm sorry to hear that." She clicked a few things on her computer and handed you a small ticket. "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
You took the paper and shook your head. "I'll just be looking for jobs. It might take me a while…" you said apologetically.
"Take your time," she smiled encouragingly, and you turned away to find the computer at the back that you preferred.
It was always nicest to be here right when they opened, when it was still quiet. In a couple of hours story time would start and mothers would come in with their children, pulling them close to their sides and away from the homeless Lykos that often spent their time there. For now it was just you and a few others you recognized but had never spoken to. Even before you lost your home, you had been coming here frequently, since you couldn't afford your own internet. You'd come here the second day you arrived in the city and did pretty much exactly what you were doing now. Sometimes it was easier to start over than to try to hold onto what little gains you made. 
You entered the code Maria had given you to log onto the computer and opened up the web browser, pulling up a job site you were familiar with. You didn't have any particular job you were searching for. Beggars can't be choosers after all. Instead of searching for job titles, you went straight to the filters, and your palms began to sweat. 
Education level required: 
You didn't even graduate high school, stupid omega. What job are you even qualified for?
Shut up! That's not my fault!
You chose "not specified" from the dropdown menu and moved on. 
Benefits:
Heat/rut leave required: yes no
The cursor hovered over the yes box. You'd never checked it before. Never looked at what kind of jobs might be able to offer you that. Probably not anything you were qualified for. But you clicked it, just to see. 
Your search delivered no results. Try adjusting your filters. 
You don't need heat leave anyway. Just take your pills like you're supposed to.
But they make me so sick. 
That's a small price to pay to not be bred like a Bitch. 
…yeah
You clicked the 'x' next to the filtered option and searched again. This time the website populated a list of jobs for you to sort through. Most of them were ones you had seen before. Some of them were ones you had had before. Working in a store was hard because of all the scents. Scent blockers only took you so far. Restaurants and bars were similarly challenging and the hectic environment could be overstimulating. Delivery driver, but you didn't have a car. And to make matters worse, none of these jobs alone would pay enough for you to live by yourself, even the way you were living before. 
Should have stayed with alpha. Then I wouldn't have to work.
You think house work isn't working? And what's your compensation? Getting beaten for every mistake, because you always fuck it up and tossed out when they're done with you.
Yoongi wouldn't do that. He was nice.
For now. And what about the others? Jin didn't seem to want you there at all.
He asked!
Only because Hoseok wanted him to and what about when he has a baby? Do you think they'd still want you? Or worse if he can't have a baby then they'll make you do it! You think their kindness comes for free? Nothing is ever free! Remember last time? You thought that pack was kind too. How long did that last before they showed you exactly what you're good for?
Stop it!
"Stop!" You hissed. "Just shut up!"
Everything around you felt suddenly still. You looked up to find several pairs of eyes on you, including Maria's. She walked toward you, and you wanted nothing more than to hide. 
"Is everything okay, dear?" She asked softly as she stood by your computer station.
"I'm sorry. I'm fine," you assured her just as quietly, but her eyes told you she didn't buy it. "I have to go." You quickly picked up your bag from the floor beside you and rushed for the exit.
You'd already been over this multiple times since you overheard Jin and Hoseok's conversation yesterday, so why wouldn't the thoughts just stop? You made a decision and it was too late to go back on it so why were they still going round and round? You hadn't heard the first part of their conversation, but you had already known that Hobi was going into heat. Hence you were trying to clean up and help before you were kicked out. You weren't expecting Jin's offer at all, but you assumed between Jimin and Yoongi, and maybe Hoseok too, that they had talked him into at least offering. But he and Hoseok were trying to have a baby, and that wasn't as straightforward a process for everyone as they wanted it to be. And if it didn't work out for Hobi…well you knew about alphas who failed to have pups and how they could treat omegas who were easy, vulnerable targets, like you. So of course you left. You weren't an idiot.
Part of you hoped it would work out for Hoseok though. You might not trust alphas, but he seemed to trust his and to be loved by them. So he deserved to have everything he wanted. 
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It was hours before you were able to get in to talk to anyone at the True Life shelter.  Luckily it was a nice morning once the sun had fully risen, not exactly warm, but warm enough in the hoodie you had stolen from Yoongi. There was a nice park between the library and the shelter, and you spent a few hours there trying to enjoy the sunshine and clear your mind. There wasn't anything else you could do, so you might as well try to find some peace while it lasted. 
"You know the rules. If you don't check in, the contents of your locker are forfeit," the woman at the desk reminded you after explaining that all your belongings that you left behind while you were in heat were now gone. "If you're lucky, some of it may still be in the store."
The only thing more insulting than having them take the last of your belongings was having to buy them back at the second hand store the same organization ran around the corner. You stifled your groan. At least Hoseok had washed all your clothes that you had with you. At least now you didn't have to carry all your worldly goods with you. 
"You find a place to stay?" The woman asked, loudly smacking the gum that she perpetually chewed. You shook your head. "Got an open bed tonight if you need it."
"Thanks," you mumbled. There was something in the way she looked at you that always made you feel so small.
"You know the deal," she said as she placed a bottle of heat suppressants on the counter in front of you. You pulled your own bottle out of your purse and rattled it in front of her. 
"I have plenty."
She quirked an eyebrow as if mentally doing the math and knew something wasn't adding up. "You taking them like you're supposed to?"
You tried to keep your expression neutral as her eyes didn't stray. After several long seconds, you twisted the cap off the bottle and shook one large pill into your hand, shoved it into your mouth and swallowed it dryly. 
She looked at you a moment longer while your throat worked to get the vile medicine down. Then she grabbed a bottle of water from the counter behind her. "Well, don't choke on it," she snorted.
After taking a big drink to clear your throat you opened your mouth wide and stuck your tongue out at her. "Happy?"
"Delighted," she deadpanned. "Come back at six."
You nodded and walked out of the building. At least soon enough your stomach would hurt so much you wouldn't feel hungry anymore. There were silver linings all around. 
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Jimin hasn't been sleeping well. At least not at night. He's been napping with Hobi during the day between sessions, since he's the omega's favorite cuddle buddy at the moment. But whenever the whole pack went to sleep for the night, Jimin found himself lying awake, wondering where you were sleeping. It had been a few days by now, so had you gone back to True Life? Had you tried for somewhere better? He knew most of the shelters were always at capacity. He hoped you weren't sleeping outside. It was too cold for that still and you'd only end up getting sick. 
Why didn't you just stay? Was it purely fear? Too many strangers, too many alphas? Or was it something about them, just one of them? Had he upset you so much the other night that you felt you couldn't stay. The afternoon he saw you with Hobi it seemed like you might be getting comfortable.
Jimin sighed and stared holes into the ceiling while his packmates slept. He rolled to his right, where an empty space had been left for Yoongi. Yoongi. Jimin had never seen the alpha quite like that. He knew how protective Yoongi could be, but nothing he'd ever seen compared to how Yoongi looked at you. Alphas don't really court betas in the way that they do omegas, but even when Yoongi and Jimin first started dating it hadn't been nearly as obvious how badly Yoongi wanted him. (He had wanted Jimin almost as badly, but maybe not quite so desperately). 
But Jimin also knew everything was different with you. He had been the one to bring you to his alpha after all, and had thrown you into this strange situation. You were an omega for starters and that would always set off an alpha, although it hadn't seemed to affect the others quite as much. Maybe it was Yoongi's affinity for lost people. Maybe it was just the fact that you were so small and in need of protection. All alphas want to protect, but not all omegas need it in the way you do. Hoseok doesn't. But even Jimin felt the urge to cover you from the rest of the world. And he couldn't lie, he sort of loved how small you were, the fact that he was bigger than you. He hadn't gotten the chance and maybe he never would, but it didn't stop him from thinking about what it would be like to hold your small frame, be able to sniff the top of your head like Jungkook always does and feel for once like he could protect someone else. 
Jimin was awake when he heard Yoongi come home and it lightened his mind fractionally, knowing that soon the alpha would be next to him, where he needed him. It's hard to mark the passage of time in the dead quiet of night, but Jimin was sure several minutes had passed since he heard any shuffling from downstairs. Carefully, he rolled to the edge of the nest and to his feet. He didn't want to stress Hobi if he woke to two packmates missing from the nest, but he also needed to see Yoongi. Jimin tiptoed over each creaky floorboard of the staircase down to the first floor. The alpha wasn't in the living room or the kitchen, which meant he could only be in one place. Jimin found the man laying on the bed in the spare room, sobbing gently into a comforter that had been part of your nest. 
"Yoongi hyung," Jimin breathed as he laid on the bed behind him, pressing himself against the lines of his body. "What are you doing in here hyung? Hm?"
Yoongi took a deep breath and tried to quiet the sobs. If anyone but Jimin had found him like this he would have been humiliated, but nothing ever felt embarrassing with him. "I can't stop looking for her everywhere, Jiminie," he spoke through his tears. "I keep fearing I'll show up at a call, and she'll be the one who's hurt. And I feel relieved and sad all over again every time it isn't her. I just want to know that she's safe."
Jimin wrapped his arm around his chest and squeezed Yoongi closer to him. He laid soft kisses against his neck, but the alpha still struggled to calm himself. 
"Earlier tonight we got called to this accident. A girl was hit by a car and she was face down in the road. There was blood everywhere. And for a minute I really thought it was Y/N. But she was a sap girl. Y/N is so small, like a little girl, how is she going to be okay on her own. She needs-" Yoongi broke off in another sob. He hated to be this wrecked, but if he wasn't sad he would have to be angry, and he hated to be angry. He didn't want to be the kind of alpha who acted like everything had to be his way and get upset if it wasn't. That was never Yoongi. He wasn't trying to be petulant. He just couldn't help his grieving. "I don't know what it is, Jimin," he admitted. "I don't know why I'm so attached to her. But I just feel it in my chest. I can't just let her go. I'm sorry."
Jimin laid his head on top of his alpha's and spoke softly next to his ear. "You don't need to apologize, hyung. Not to me or anyone else. Whatever you're going through, I don't think it can be understood rationally. It's just a feeling, and that's something you should listen to. Your instincts are always right."
"Thanks, Jimin," Yoongi sighed, finally calmed from his sobs. 
"You're a great alpha. She'd be lucky to have you, like I am." Yoongi found Jimin's hand and laced their fingers, appreciating his words. 
"What's going on? Where's Y/N?" Hoseok asked, flipping the light switch and suddenly blinding them. Yoongi sat up, rubbing his puffy eyes against the brightness.
"She's gone, Hobi," he answered hollowly.
"Gone? Gone where?" Hoseok hadn't been out of the nest room for nearly three days. The alphas had been keeping him distracted, keeping him in bed and satisfied and well-fed so he'd never have to leave. Now he looked around the room for any trace of you.
"We don't know," Jimin admitted. He rubbed his hand soothingly up and down Yoongi's back.
Hoseok stared at the two of them, dumbfounded. "When did she leave?" 
"A few days ago? I'm not sure exactly when she left but she was gone by the time I got home from work on Wednesday."
Hoseok huffed. How long had they kept it from him? "And today is?" 
"Saturday."
"Saturday! Were you planning to tell me?" Hoseok asked. 
"I didn't want to spoil your heat. I figured if you were upset you might not be as interested in sex and then Jin…" Yoongi tried to explain.
"Jin what?"
"Nothing. He's just been very touchy about your last few heats, and I didn't want to make him more upset." Yoongi rubbed his hands across his red face.
Hobi swallowed. He knew Yoongi was right but that didn't mean he shouldn't have been told. You'd been on his mind even if he knew you couldn't be in his nest. "Jin's just been stressed," he defended, but neither of the others responded. "Were you planning to sleep in here?"
Yoongi shook his head. "I was planning to shower and then come to bed but I…I just had a rough night at work and I needed a minute."
Hoseok sank onto the bed on his other side, where Yoongi had the comforter pulled partially over his lap. He pushed the alpha's bangs back to look at his red eyes. "Have you been crying?"
Yoongi pulled his face away to hide in his hands. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, throat thick with shame.
"Baby, you don't need to apologize. I was just surprised. I've never seen you cry before. Not in six years."
"You aren't supposed to see me cry."
Hoseok scoffed. "That better not be some toxic alpha bullshit, Yoongi." The man reddened further at the admonishment. "You wanted her to be your omega. It makes sense you would be upset. You really felt something for her."
"You're my omega," Yoongi responded. 
Hoseok shook his head. "I know that. Doesn't change anything." He ran his fingers into the alpha's hair and pulled his head to rest on his shoulder. "I wanted her to be my omega, too."
Jimin leaned into Yoongi's back. "I can't speak for anyone else, but I wanted her as an omega, too."
Hobi hummed with a thought. "The three of you would've made a cute little pack."
Jimin tilted his head up on Yoongi's shoulder to look at him. "Emphasis on the little."
Jimin pulled away, taking his alpha with him. "You know how to ruin a moment."
"Sorry," Hoseok chuckled. "Will you two please come upstairs? Can't sleep without all my pups in the nest."
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You managed to get over your embarrassment to go back to the library a few days later, but finding a job still wasn't any easier. You were tired of losing a job as soon as they found out what you were and just as tired of pretending to be something you weren't. Not that you were ready to embrace your omega, either. But trying to pass for a sap was getting exhausting. You were too small for a Sapien adult. If you could choose you'd rather just give up altogether, but the last time you'd made that choice you'd been lured by comfort into the hands of two bad alphas. So you'd have to keep trying. And you knew there was one person who could help you.
There were two youth shelters in the city, and on Monday when you went to one they told you no one named Jimin worked there. You felt so foolish that you didn't bother trying the other one, but on Tuesday morning you plucked up your courage and walked to the Open Door shelter. When you walked in, there was an omega female at the desk who gave you a kind but instantly regretful smile.
"I'm sorry, hun. All our omega dorms are full today," she informed you.
You stepped forward to lean on the counter, casting a curious look around the place. Teenagers were milling about, coming and going freely, able to spend the days indoors rather than on the streets. Through one door you could hear the sounds of some people playing basketball. 
"I'm not here for a bed. I'm looking for someone." You drummed your fingers against the vinyl countertop.
"Sorry, kid. I can't give out the names of people who are staying here."
"No. I'm looking for an employee. His name is Jimin."
Recognition flashed in her eyes. "What's your name, hun?"
"Y/N," you answered quietly. 
"Let me go see if he's busy," she told you before she walked through a door behind the desk.
He's busy. At work, dumbass. You shouldn't be bothering him.
He said he could help. Maybe he'll take you home.
You don't have a home.
Alpha is home.
Don't be an idiot.
You moved over to a chair against the wall opposite the desk to wait, anxiously eyeing the door you came in through.
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A/n: i am not sorry. However if you would like i scream at me or any of the characters, please feel free to do so in my inbox, comments or reblogs. Your feedback makes me feel alive. 💜 How are we feeling about Jin these days? What about our poor MC? What do you think will happen when she talks to Jimin?
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lozchi · 2 months
Text
KNOCKDOWN Chapter 3
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Masterlist
Pairing(s):Sukuna x F!Reader, Modern AU
Themes: Suggestive content, profanity, mild violence, slow burn, childhood friends to lovers, OOC, fluff, angst(ish),
A/N:i want to edge all of you | Poll in my blog! Go answer haiyaa…
Chapter 3: 4,341 words
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Toji strode with you backstage, leading you through the maze of corridors until you reach a quieter area. He grabbed a stool and placed it in front of you.
“He’s gonna take a bit. Though, post-match interviews usually don’t last long with him.” he chuckles.
You sat down nervously. The gratitude you felt for Toji and his child was immense; without them, you wouldn't have known what Sukuna was up to all this time.
"Can I have your name?" you asked, curiosity getting the better of you.
"Toji Fushiguro," he replied, a hint of pride in his voice as he shook your hand. "I've been training Sukuna ever since I left the military. What's your name?"
You introduced yourself, and Toji smiled, the expression warm and knowing. Sukuna had never mentioned you to Toji, but it was clear you held a special place in Sukuna's heart. There was no way Sukuna would leave a framed picture of someone in his home if they weren't important.
"I can tell he's missed you." 
"I sure hope he did." you replied, your voice soft. "I've missed him too."
You sit there, heart racing as you wait for the moment you’ve been longing for, hoping that this reunion would be everything you’d dreamed it would be.
Toji was partly right. Sukuna didn’t take long because all his responses to the interview questions were half-assed. Still, interviewers swarmed like ants, and there were more comments and questions than usual.
"Thoughts after the fight? I win, so I reign."
"What made me want to switch weight classes? Well, I wanted to, I suppose."
"This is different from my other fights because I'm fighting a different person."
Needless to say, the reporters weren't satisfied and they guess they never will be.
Sukuna scanned the crowd, searching for you, but you were no longer there. Some people had left, and staff were cleaning the place up. However, he spotted the same people you had sat with earlier—your friends, he assumed. He figured they might have answers, so he approached them.
Haibara and Shoko were chattering to themselves, discussing the intensity of the fight and then shifting to how cruel their professors were.
"The feints were so unpredictable, I didn't see any of them coming." Haibara muttered.
"Yeah, like how our prof tells us to study for a specific topic and add a completely new one on the actual exam, what a ruthless old jerk."
Sukuna towered over them, he figured you guys were friends, so he thought to at least show some manners. "Hello, you guys acquainted with—"
Haibara cut him off, unable to contain his excitement. "Yes, we are! She headed backstage with Coach Fushiguro."
Sukuna nodded. "I see, thank you." he said, and without another word, he rushed to go find you.
-
You expected to see Sukuna as soon as you saw fluffy pink hair, but you were mistaken. A kid emerged from the bathroom, holding what appeared to be a Nintendo Switch.
 “Yuuji?!?” you exclaimed, recognizing the boy who had grown so much since the last time you saw him. You recalled the times where you played with Yuuji as a toddler while Sukuna worked on his part of a project.
Yuuji’s eyes lit up with pleasant surprise, and he ran to hug you. “I miss you!” he exclaimed, his arms wrapping tightly around you.
“You’ve grown so much!” you marveled, holding him close. “And you’re still as lively as ever. I'm glad you still remember me.”
Yuuji beamed up at you, his eyes sparkling with the same infectious energy you remembered. “I’m so happy to see you!” he said, his excitement evident.
To be frank, Sukuna was quite irritated by the fact Yuuji reunited with you before he did–jealous, even.
“I see you’ve reunited with this annoying brat.” Sukuna said, withholding a smirk as he approached.
You looked up, and there he was. “Ugh, my day just got ruined.” you joked, playfully throwing a punch at him.
“Shut up. Don’t deny the fact that you missed—” Before he could finish, you captured him in an embrace. 
He was momentarily stunned. “—me...”
His initial surprise quickly melted into a deep sense of longing.
You felt awkward, your face pressed against his chest. It didn’t bother you a bit that he was sweaty and bloody after the fight, but he hesitated to return the hug.
You felt his body tense slightly before he melted into the hug, his arms wrapping around you with a firm, almost desperate grip. The contact was electrifying, his warmth seeping through the sweat and grime from the fight. It had been so long since you’d felt this close to him, and it felt as though the world had slipped away, leaving just the two of you in a bubble of shared history and affection.
Sukuna held onto you tightly as if he was afraid of letting you go, his breath hitching slightly against your shoulder. You could sense the raw, unspoken emotion in his hold— profound dread of being parted from you once more. He pulled you closer, his grip tight, as if trying to erase the years of distance and disconnection between you. His heart pounded steadily against your chest, a rhythm of relief and longing.
For you, the feeling was equally overwhelming. You missed this closeness— the bickering, the physical contact, the warmth of his body, the sense of familiarity and safety that only he could provide. Your face pressed against his chest, and you could feel the steady rise and fall of his breath.
As you looked up at him, you could see the mixture of emotions in his eyes—relief, happiness, and an unspoken plea for this moment to last forever. It was a fleeting glimpse of the connection that had always been there, buried beneath the surface.
“Congrats on the win, you big dope.” you said, looking up at him. “I’ll patch you up, just like old times.”
“Just like old times.” he huffed, a smile breaking through his irritation. “I’d like that.” 
“Now kiss!” Yuuji teased, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
“EW, NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT.” You and Sukuna both complained in unison, recoiling from each other as if stung.
“Brat, just how disgusting can you get?” Sukuna added, glaring playfully at Yuuji.
You rolled your eyes, brushing off the embarrassment. “Seriously, Yuuji? What are you, five?”
Yuuji grinned, clearly enjoying the chaos he’d caused. “I’m eight, actually.”
Sukuna ruffled Yuuji’s hair, his expression softening despite his irritation. “Don’t get any ideas, kid. We’re just friends.”
“Yeah, super annoying friends. Especially Ryo.” you added, smirking up at Sukuna.
“Annoying, huh? You're the only annoying one here.” Sukuna’s eyes sparkled with amusement. 
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Alright, maybe I am, now let me help you." you offered Sukuna, gently guiding him toward a more secluded area where you could tend to his injuries. He hummed in response, a low, appreciative sound that resonated through the still air.
Toji smirked as you and Sukuna headed to a more secluded area. He leaned down to whisper something in Yuuji’s ear. "Yuuji, I have a favor for you."
Yuuji’s eyes lit up. He agreed happily, keeping the secret for now.
Once alone with Sukuna, you began to gather the necessary supplies to tend to his wounds. The room was quiet, save for the soft rustling of bandages and the occasional clink of medical tools. The atmosphere was heavy with unspoken words, the air thick with the tension between you.
“You know, I’m a pro fighter now.” he teased, his voice dripping with mischief. “So I’m at least expecting a pro medic to help me out.”
You pouted playfully, dabbing antiseptic on a nasty cut. “I’m a med student. Isn’t that enough?”
Sukuna was taken aback for a moment. “A med student, huh? That actually suits you. You were always tending to my wounds after fights back then. Guess it’s not much different now.”
You smiled, touched by his words. “Yeah, I suppose it’s not. Though I hope you’ve learned to avoid getting into so many fights.”
He chuckled, the sound deep and rich. “I’m a fighter, remember? It’s kind of my job now. I even got myself an assistant, see them there?”
You rolled your eyes affectionately, wrapping a bandage around his hand. “Still, you could be a little more careful. I’d hate to see you get seriously hurt.”
This conversation felt like Deja vu. 
"Don't worry, I knit during my free time."
"NO."  
"I'm kidding, woman. Gosh, gullible as always." he chuckled, shaking his head. "But I cook."
"You can actually cook now?" you asked, coming off a bit condescending unintentionally.
"Well, duh, what do you take me for?" Sukuna shot back, a smirk playing on his lips. You were pleasantly surprised.
The both of you sat in silence for a moment.
"You were always good at patching me up after."
You smiled, feeling a warmth spread through you at his words. "I guess old habits die hard." you replied, carefully cleaning a cut on his cheek.
As you worked, Sukuna watched you intently. "You know," he said softly, "I never thought I'd see you again."
You met his gaze, your hands pausing for a moment. "Well, I'm just glad we're back in business again. You kicking ass and me making sure yours doesn't get kicked. It's been too long, I don't intend to part from you again."
Sukuna leaned in closer, and he reached out to gently touch your cheek, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Then let’s make sure we never do.”
You finished tending to his wounds, and he looked at you with a soft smile. "Thanks." he said, his voice carrying a depth of gratitude and affection.
You nodded, feeling a lump in your throat. "Anytime, Ryo."
When you finished patching Sukuna up, he stood and stretched, wincing slightly but looking much better. "Now, how about I take you out and grab some food? My assistant reserved a place"
You smiled, feeling a flutter of excitement. "That sounds great. But what about my friends? I feel a bit guilty for leaving them."
Sukuna nodded. "They can come too after I get cleaned up and changed. What about you, Toji?"
Toji approached the two of you, smiling warmly. “I’d love to join, but I’ve been longing to see Megumi and my wife. I should head home.”
“Of course, Toji,” you said, grateful for everything he’d done. “Thank you for everything.”
Toji nodded and patted Sukuna on the back. “Take care, Sukuna. And you,” he turned to you, “don’t be a stranger. Visit us sometime.”
As you headed back to find Shoko and Haibara, Sukuna made a point to thank Toji. “Thanks for everything, Toji. See you soon.”
You both made your way back to where Shoko and Haibara were waiting. Toji, with a knowing smirk, said his goodbyes and headed off, eager to reunite with his family. Sukuna turned to Haibara. "You guys can follow us in your car. She'll ride with me."
Haibara looked between you and Sukuna, a mischievous grin forming. "Alright, sounds good. See you there!"
Shoko gave you a thumbs-up. "Don’t worry about us. We’ll be right behind you." You swore you could've seen them exchange suspicious glances at each other, like how you and Shoko would usually communicate with your eyes. 
Sukuna led you to his car, a sleek, black vehicle that screamed luxury. He opened the door for you, and you slid in, feeling the smooth leather beneath you. He got in on the driver's side and started the engine. The night air was cool and refreshing, a perfect backdrop for the unexpected turn your evening had taken. The drive was quiet but comfortable, filled with the soft hum of the engine and the city lights flashing by. Yuuji, who had been playing a round of Overcooked on his Nintendo Switch, eventually dozed off in the back seat, his head resting against Uraume–the boy was probably drooling on them, but they seemed unbothered. He was probably tired of repeating "Are we there yet?" to Sukuna.
“I've missed this.” Sukuna began, glancing over at you as he drove, “Just being with you.” He reached over, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before returning it to the steering wheel. 
"I’m glad you’re here.” You said quietly. You glanced at Sukuna, taking in the familiar features you hadn’t seen in so long. It was surreal, almost dreamlike, to be here with him again.
When you arrived at the restaurant, Sukuna handed the keys to Uraume and guided you inside. The place was cozy yet elegant, with a warm ambiance that made you feel instantly at ease. A waiter led you to a private table, and shortly after, Shoko and Haibara joined you, eyes wide with amazement at the upscale setting.
During the dinner, the atmosphere was filled with laughter and the sound of clinking glasses. The restaurant was cozy, with dim lighting that made the space feel intimate. You, Sukuna and Uraume sat at one end of the table, while Shoko and Haibara occupied the other–Yuuji in between them. As the night progressed, you found yourselves reminiscing about the past.
The dinner was filled with jokes and stories, with the discussion going smoothly. It was reminiscent of the past, but also filled with the delight of new moments forming. The unexpected reunion that had brought so much happiness made you feel thankful for the way things had unfolded.
Throughout the night, you couldn't help but steal glances at Sukuna, feeling a sense of warmth every time your gazes locked. It was evident that this was just the start, a fresh chapter in your lives that you were excited to discover alongside each other.
Uraume, Shoko, and Haibara, however, sensed something else going on between you two.
"Remember that time in high school when I got stood up?" you began, taking a sip of your drink. "And the guy who stood me up mysteriously couldn't attend classes the next day because he got jumped by someone?"
Sukuna smirked, though his eyes betrayed a flicker of guilt. "Oh, really? Sounds like he had it coming." he said, trying to sound nonchalant.
"And that someone was you, Ryo," you added, looking directly at him.
Sukuna scoffed, shaking his head. "No idea what you're talking about," he said with a smirk, though his eyes suggested otherwise.
"Sure, sure." you replied, rolling your eyes. "You're going to keep denying it, but I know it was you."
He laughed, "Pure coincidence. I had nothing to do with it."
It was a sweet, if somewhat over-the-top, gesture that he would continue to deny to this day.
Everyone else at the table was equally engrossed in their own conversations, learning more about Yuuji. Unlike Sukuna in his youth, Yuuji was an undeniably good kid, earning praises from everyone.
"And my teacher said I was the goodest boy in the world." Yuuji announced proudly, his eyes shining.
Sukuna rolled his eyes and groaned. "You're still the brattiest to me. Teach's lying."
"You're just jealous."
Yuuji stuck his tongue out at Sukuna, who just chuckled and ruffled the boy’s hair. Shoko and Haibara looked on with amusement, clearly enjoying the dynamic between the two.
You also learned a bit more about Uraume, Sukuna’s assistant. They’ve been working for him for a few years now. Started out as someone who could deal with his paperwork but they've become indispensable.
Throughout the evening, you and Sukuna were noticeably touchy. His arm would find its way around your shoulder, and your head would rest against his chest at times. It was natural and unspoken, yet it drew knowing looks from everyone else at the table.
-
After dinner, everyone gathered outside the restaurant to say their goodbyes. The night air was cool and crisp, a refreshing change from the warmth of the restaurant.
"You comin' with?" Haibara asked, looking back at you with Shoko by his side.
Sukuna glanced at you, a silent plea in his eyes. He didn't want to part ways just yet; he wanted to be the one to take you home. 
"I'll be there in a bit." you replied, smiling at your friends.
As Haibara and Shoko waved goodbye and walked towards their car, you turned to Sukuna. The two of you exchanged contact information, a simple act that seemed monumental considering how long it had been, a small but significant step you should have taken years ago.  Along with the contact info he provided, he also gave you Uraume's and Toji's in case he was unreachable.
"I followed you on your socials, by the way." you said with a grin. "Malevolent Chicken or something along those lines on IG, here–" 
Sukuna raised an eyebrow. "Huh, last time I tried searching for your name online, I couldn't find a thing."
"Were you... stalking me-?
"Don't get any ideas, you did the same." 
You laughed. "Desperate times call for desperate measures." Saving his phone number, you told him, "I'll keep in touch."
"Yeah, you better." Sukuna scoffed, but his eyes were soft as he pulled you into a hug. "I will too."
In his embrace, you felt a wave of emotions. This was a moment you had longed for, a reunion that felt both comforting and exciting. You looked up at him and smiled.
"See you soon, Ryo."
"See you soon."
"Be kind to Yuuji, hm?" you added softly, sensing that there was something more Sukuna hadn’t shared yet.
"I'm probably the only family he has for now. Though, there is Toji and-" he said, his voice low and serious.
"Count me in." you replied without hesitation. He decided to save this conversation for another time.
You pulled away from the hug and waved goodbye, walking towards Haibara and Shoko.
"Text me once you get home." He called out. 
As you left, Yuuji looked up at Sukuna mischievously. "Do you have a crush on—"
"Shut up or you'll end up like Geto. Saw how I beat him?"
“Ooooh! You do like her!” Yuuji’s teasing voice cut through the night air. "You have to rizz her!"
"What the fuck is a 'rizz'?"
"Uhhhh… Whatever! You should kiss her and get married!"
“No, ew.” Sukuna grimaced as he pushed Yuuji’s face away, shuddering when the boy licked his hand. “Oh, you disgusting piece of—Ugh.” He muttered, taking Yuuji and heading back to the car. 
"Uraume, can you drive? Let's go home. Something's wrong with this kid." Sukuna said as Yuuji clung onto his legs. The kid is fearless, he's gotta give him that.
"I, for one, think there is nothing wrong with Yuuji." Uraume commented. If they didn't know any better, they would say he was smitten with you.
-
As the car journeyed through the night, you gazed out the window, lost in thought. The city lights flickered past, each one a blur of movement and color.
“That went well.” Shoko remarked, breaking the silence.
“You think he has a girlfriend?” Haibara asked, curiosity evident in his voice.
You softly laughed, a nostalgic smile forming on your lips as you considered the idea of Sukuna having a girlfriend. It was nearly impossible to imagine, considering his mysterious charm and how he appeared to linger just beyond grasp. During your youth, Sukuna was the ultimate symbol of captivating charm– a powerful natural force that attracted admiration everywhere he went. 
He always caught people's attention with his impressive presence, and he was definitely well-liked, receiving numerous affections–even if he was rude and reckless. However, despite the attention from admirers and sporadic dates, none of his relationships ever appeared to have much depth or lasting power. They were resembling quick bursts of light that flickered and disappeared instantly after appearing. The concept of him settling for someone who could genuinely hold his elusive heart, felt almost like a whimsical fantasy.
“Huh, I’d probably get into a relationship before he does." you scoffed, half in jest.
“Easy, girl. You’re saying this as if you don’t spend 20 hours a day studying.” Shoko pointed out, her tone both teasing and concerned.
“In my defense, I took the first step of getting out of my academic bubble!” you countered, pouting.
You leaned back in your seat, feeling a sense of accomplishment wash over you. You had done more than just the first step. You downloaded social media, watched a live fight, and reunited with your best friend after so many years.
You smiled to yourself, thinking you deserved a lot more credit for breaking out of your shell. 
As you looked out at the passing city lights, your thoughts drifted to Sukuna. The idea of him having a girlfriend didn't seem so impossible after all. As a prodigal fighter with a charismatic presence, it was only natural that he would attract attention and possibly even be involved with someone romantically.
The more you thought about it, the more you realized just how much you had missed out on over the years. Your knowledge about Sukuna’s current life was fragmented at best. You knew little about his personal affairs, his love life, or even his daily routines. The gaps in your understanding made you curious to catch up.
Lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t noticed that Haibara had been talking to you. “–Right? Yo, you good there?” Haibara’s voice broke through your reverie.
“H-huh? Oh, yeah. Whatchu say again?” you stammered, trying to refocus.
“Hmm, nothing important...” Haibara replied, his tone carrying a hint of curiosity but dropping the subject.
You nodded absentmindedly, the questions about Sukuna’s life swirling in your mind as the car continued its journey through the night.
Haibara and Shoko exchanged knowing glances, their faces lighting up with mischievous smiles. “Hmm…” they hummed in unison, their eyes locking as they communicated silently.
Shoko’s eyes narrowed playfully. “She might be whipped for him.”
Haibara raised an eyebrow, his grin widening. “It’s probably the other way around.”
“No, no. What if it’s both?!?”
Caught off guard, you glanced between them. “Are you guys communicating with your eyes? Shoko, I thought that was our thing!”
Haibara chuckled, her eyes dancing with amusement. “No, no. It’s also OUR thing,” he teased, glancing at Shoko.
You threw your hands up in mock frustration. “I feel betrayed.”
"Just discussing how cute you and Sukuna are together."
"More like how both of you are completely smitten," Shoko added, winking at you.
You rolled your eyes, a small smile playing on your lips. "You two are ridiculous."
"Ridiculously right." Haibara quipped, earning a laugh from Shoko.
You shook your head, finding their assumptions about you and Sukuna absurd. "You two can't be serious. Falling for Sukuna? That's just ridiculous."
"You can't just touch each other like that and expect us to think you're 'just friends'," Haibara insisted.
Shoko nodded in agreement. "Yu, your wording is all over the place. You make it sound like—"
"Okay, sorry, sorry, but you get my point!" Haibara interrupted.
You scoffed at their words, rolling your eyes.
"Yu, focus on the road," Shoko said, gently reminding him.
Haibara glanced at you in the rearview mirror. "Think about it like this: would you think that me and Shoko are 'just friends' if we acted the same in front of you?"
You hesitated, trying to find the right words. "But Ryo and I are indeed 'just friends'. We've gone on separate dates and—"
"None of them lasted!" Shoko pointed out quickly.
"Oh, please," you retorted, feeling cornered.
Haibara leaned in, his tone softer yet insistent. "Then is Sukuna like a brother to you?"
You paused, considering his question carefully. "I wouldn't say yes, but I wouldn't say no either."
"Because it's weird!" Shoko concluded, her voice tinged with triumph.
You let out a sigh, feeling the weight of their observations. "Fine, maybe it's a bit weird. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with him."
"–Yet." Haibara added with a smirk.
"Come on, guys. I've been friends with him for years. I haven't seen him since my last day in high school. It's a bit odd that I'd develop feelings like that," you said, trying to sound convincing.
"Maybe give it some time," Haibara suggested, glancing at Shoko, who nodded in agreement.
They didn't want to push you, but they knew how much you had on your plate with college and everything else. If this meant you could focus on something outside your academic life, maybe you'd be able to unwind a bit.
"But y'know," Shoko added gently, "whatever your decision is, we support you."
You appreciated their support, even if you weren't entirely convinced by their perspective. The idea of developing romantic feelings for Sukuna after all these years seemed unlikely, but you couldn't deny that your recent reunion had stirred up emotions you hadn't anticipated.
-
As Uraume drove home, the rhythmic hum of the engine seemed to resonate with the storm of thoughts swirling chaotically in Sukuna's mind. The idea of seeing you in any way other than a cherished friend was inconceivable. Stupid Yuuji and his stupid little ideas.
Not in a thousand lifetimes would he ever view you as more than a best friend. 
You might be the most captivating person he’s ever laid eyes on, the sweetest and most loyal companion he could wish for, but nothing more than that. He would go to great lengths for you, spend the rest of his life with you but never see you as anything more than just a best friend.
“Hmph. There’s no way."
Even though your eyes were something that could break his very soul yet hold an affectionate gaze, 
“That’s just ridiculous.”
He brushed off the way he questioned his resolve when it came to your touch, warm and comforting on the coldest of days, 
“How preposterous.”
He won't bring himself or even learn to see you that way. 
"It's outrageous."
Because maybe, just maybe, staying friends was the best thing for both of you. It was better this way, he told himself, it had to be. It would be okay.
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Taglist: (tell me if i forgot to add you)
Ask under this post or any of the chapters I'll release if you want to be added. I would be posting polls or asking readers about certain things sometimes that would possibly affect the story in a minor way so stay tuned. :) Poll in my blog! Go answer haiyaa…
123 notes · View notes
14dyh · 9 months
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Forgotten | H.Z.
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Pairing: Hange Zoë x female reader Summary: Being the Commander's wife comes with a price. Word count: 1.4k A/N: i'm in the mood for angst. more angst to come in my future fics
It was a harsh morning, the sort of morning where the breeze nips at your skin and the air cools your flesh. Even the thickest blankets could not save Y/N from such torment but one thing warmed her heart as she woke up on this cruel day: it was their anniversary. It was seven years ago when her life changed. A time when waking up was not a chore or sleeping at night wondering if you would remain alive tomorrow. Y/N married the person she stayed alive for, who later became the Commander of the Survey Corps after the return to Shiganshina.
Their relationship managed to pull through during those years, the pain the war left behind was not healed by the passing of time, but their love remained stronger each time.
Y/N reminisced the past when she would wake up in Hange's arms, the days when she would see her lover's smiling face upon the sight of a burgeoning Paradis, and the time when their hearts were not far from each other's reach. Things began to change when the Rumbling came to discussion. Every day in the meeting room, her mind would wander if this was truly the life they dedicated their hearts to--a life full of unfavorable choices. Y/N knew that this rising conflict weighed down on her lover's heart as each day passed. Y/N wanted to cry and protest to a god that does not exist, to tell this entity that Hange's heart wasn't made to be burdened by indescribable responsibility. Y/N felt powerless in such a situation. The person she swore to protect and love more than anything was slowly deteriorating right before her eyes and she could only watch.
Despite their dejected days, Y/N still yearned for something to change. Over time, her mind conjured up plans to escape being a part of this cycle, of the curse of Eldia but she found nothing Hange would approve of. They were too kind and selfless--a commander put into a tight responsibility and forced to forget that they are human.
Y/N began the day like any other. For half of the day, she did not expect to see Hange because they were too preoccupied with the duties and the plans they had to make. She walked outside, pacing around the garden and admiring the temporary beauty of the flowers. She picked one of them and placed it in the breast pocket close to her heart. It was the same kind of flower she held on their wedding day. In the same pocket, she kept the gift she would give Hange today. Y/N knew that she needed to be patient, to wait the way a devoted lover would do.
However, the bleak morning turned to a starless night and, Hange still wasn't by her side. That morning, she tried to distract herself with work, to get her mind off how their special day was beginning to pass by and they hadn't seen each other yet. But as Y/N crawled to bed and let the crisp coldness of night creep into their sheets, she could not help the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Y/N should have known. She should've accepted the way things are right now. But her heart urged her to wail, to cry until there was nothing left. The flower she picked that morning was growing frail on her bedside.
However, her thoughts were cut short as the door opend, and a sliver of bright light entered their dark bedroom. Hange's arrival was later than usual. They sensed that she would have been asleep by now, and began to move silently. Y/N listened in silence as Hange began to dress for bed, her head buried in the pillow as Hange inched closer to her in bed.
Y/N was determined to not let this day go by without having Hange in her arms. She shifted her body close to theirs and began to wrap her arms around their familiar figure which Hange chuckled softly in response before saying, "You're awake." Hange hugged her close in return.
Y/N nodded.
"Y/N, can I ask you something? It's quite important," Hange told her in a quiet voice. Her heart skipped a bit in anticipation. Maybe Hange remembered this special day after all.
"What is it?" Y/N said, watching Hange's face in silent anticipation.
Hange was quiet for a moment before saying, "You're a brilliant tactician so I would love to hear your insight on this. It's about the military plan discussed this morning."
Hange went on to explain what was discussed that morning and Y/N could only reply in a low voice, keeping their composure so she wouldn't break.
But her pain only intensified when she saw Hange listening with their eye focused on her. Their expression only showed that they were eager for her answers, an honest expression showing that they didn't remember the special occasion of that day.
Y/N began to speak more slowly as hot tears began to prick her eyes. But it was not long before she could not hold back any longer and bit back a sob. Hange noticed the break in their lover's voice, and turned to her in full concern, caressing her face.
"My darling, what is it?" Hange asked in sincerity as her tears slid down their fingers. Y/N wanted to say that it was nothing, but she could not find a voice within her that would not break. Y/N began to turn their head away, but Hange would not let her and asked again what was wrong.
"Our anniversary…" Y/N muttered in a trembling voice, hesitating to continue. "You didn't remember it was today, didn't you?"
Y/N watched the sorrow passed over Hange's voice. Y/N could not watch their pain expression any longer. She turned her back on them as their hands slid away from them.
Hange was silent for a moment, and Y/N sensed how apologetic they were when they began to hug her from the back, muttering apologies on her shoulder. Y/N felt Hange's tears slide down her skin, the slight tremble in their body as they held her close. She didn't expect a hug of apology from her spouse that day and she couldn't help but notice how her body desperately wanted to be hugged, to be touched again by her lover. Y/N cannot remember the last time Hange hugged her this long. Y/N could hear Hange's silent sobs as they uttered a broken "I'm so sorry…" behind her.
Hange was exhausted every day after work, there would be dark circles under their eyes, and Y/N would hold them close when they began to cry in their sleep. But today was different for both of them. Something was breaking inside Y/N that she could not pinpoint. All she knew was that Hange's heart was already too wounded and tired for her to make them cry, especially on the day when she swore that her love would not falter. Y/N could not resist and turned to Hange, guiding their head in her chest as they cried.
"I want to make it up to you," Hange ignored the exhaustion within their body and sat up, holding their wife's hands in between theirs. "I don't want you to feel bitter about today anymore. Will you let me make this up to you?"
"Hange…" she began. "Please don't cry... It's alright. You need to sleep, my dear. You have a long day tomorrow."
Y/N said this with all her genuineness, regretting that they brought up their anniversary only to make Hange cry.
There are several things she wants to tell Hange.
Hange looked at her with a pleading expression, determined to fix the damage between them today.
But Y/N shook her head. She wanted to say how it's too late or how things couldn't be fixed anymore, of how it was destroyed long ago.
Run away with me.
Live somewhere else. Just the two of us.
Leave all of this behind and start anew.
Y/N hid the plaintive pleas within her eyes. She knew Hange made their decision long ago. Their heart belongs to humanity--to their cause.
Y/N wanted to cry in their arms but decided to carry her pleas inside her heart in tormenting silence.
Choose me this time.
All Y/N's thoughts will remain as thoughts as they have always been.
Y/N gently tugged on their hand with a small melancholic smile before saying, "Let's sleep, Hange."
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ira-hydrangea · 2 years
Text
I'm making uh... Another sweet AU. Don't blame me but... Blame the brain that keeps popping out some ideas in unexpected moments. Geez... And I still need to finish the other one first. Okay, I will be quick with this one...
Replaced MC? Not Really...
Summary: You are just a magicless human in this vast world of magic. Also, another point is you come from a different world. It would not be a problem if it was just that. But, the problem starts when your body starts to decline. Everyone is devastated but luckily they found a way. With a tiny sacrifice they need to make...
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"*cough* *cough*"
"Mc? Are you okay?! Did you need something to drink?" Deuce comes running in towards the bed where you laying.
This starts a month ago when suddenly you start to cough up some blot. Your friends start to panic at that sight as they hurriedly bring you to the infirmary. This is the sight that they didn't want to see.
After some investigation, they found out that this is the reaction of your body that tries to adapt to this twisted wonderland. That should not be alarming enough right? Well, no. Because the chance that you survive this transition is very small. Most people that led astray from their real-world would either die or be put in a coma.
Now, the whole school is in panic when they know that there is a chance for you not to survive this and that is a scenario they want to avoid. And begin, their research to find a way to increase the chance of your survival. For once, Crowley also supported this research as he start to grow fond of you.
Now your body seems quite weak. You still can attend classes but you need a lot of rest. Your friends make it their schedule to always check on you every time they can even Malleus Draconia also doing the shift to protect you every night.
"I'm okay, Deuce. You guys don't need to worry." You smiled.
"Geez... Be worried a little here." Said Ace as he brought a cup of water to you.
"Aw~ Thank you for the water, Ace." You smiled as you drink it all up. You manage to stay awake a little longer before going back to sleep. As the duo leaves the room, Grim start to fly toward them with some news. Apparently, Lilia and Headmaster manage to find something that can help you. So the duo run towards the headmaster's office where everyone has already waiting
"Is this true, Lilia-san?! Did you manage to find a cure?!" Ask Ace. Lilia smiled.
"That I do. But we encounter some problems..."
"What is it? If it is something rare you can tell me and I will put some research to find it!" Said Kalim.
"And I can ask my fans if they know anything about this."
"... I-I can help with S.T.Y.X permission." Said Idia
"*sigh* If only that simple. To make this cure we need one important ingredient that only can be found if a certain sacrifice is made."
"And that sacrifice is?"
"... Another magicless human. More exactly, the heart from their blot. As you may know, magicless humans didn't have any possibility to overblot because they didn't have magic. But, they actually can go to overblot with different techniques. Usually, those that overblot will go crazy and everything will turn dark."
"So in other words, we need the exact heart from the overblot magicless human?"
"Precisely."
"Now, that would be quite hard. Except for MC, there is never been another magicless human. Where we could find them?"
"Hold up. Before we talk about how to find them, did you know the consequences of this?" Ask Headmaster. The rest look at him boringly as if asking him to continue.
"*ahem* That magicless human that we extract for their heart will lose their power to move to become close like a doll. This means they would be dead but not dead yet." Headmaster explain.
"Headmaster. Do you think we care about that?" Said Jamil with boring expression.
"Huh?"
"As long as MC can live with us for a long time, I'm willing to do anything to make it happen. That magicless student will be just another pion. They are insignificant. Unlike MC that helps and cherishes us all. So, who cares what happens to the sacrifice after that?" Said Azul with a smile.
"... My~ You all truly change. *hiks* To think there would come a day when you all will work together. I'm so proud! Very well, let me help by providing a new magicless student." Said Crowley as he start to walk towards the mirror of darkness.
Lilia smiled before saying, "Now now. I would tell you all the parts that you need to play. We need to do our best to make sure the new student will like it here. All of this is for MC. But also don't let all of this get heard by MC. Actually, why don't we let MC to rest up in Diasomnia tower for the time being until the cure is done?"
"I have no objection. We didn't want the herbivore to act kind and start helping the new student later. It is even better if the herbivore didn't know the existence of that insect." Said Leona.
"I agree. Our Rose didn't need a pest that will try to harm their beauty." Said Riddle.
"Very well. Now, the only thing left is to make our play as real as possible. After all, To ensure we gonna have the best ingredients some sacrifices need to be made."
"Let's the play begun..."
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This is in the middle of the night so I'm kinda in the rush. Feel free to add your version of the story on how this will progress like. I'm curious about what kind of idea pops into your mind after reading this short fic. That's all and I see you later. Bye~
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peekawoocc · 6 months
Text
Law × Reader
Hospital beds
WARNINGS - none, fluff
Law walked out of his room late that night, the thought that y/n might need to be checked on kept looming over his thoughts. Allowing him to think of little else.
He was in a rush so all he was wearing was an open coat, no shirt, with his gray, black-spotted jeans. It was late, around 1 a.m., to be exact.
Y/n had been sleeping for almost 2 whole days, surely they were about to wake up soon.
Law walked into the recovery room, and looked over to the bed where y/n was laying. He looked down at them for a moment before deciding to try and wake them up.
"Y/n?"
"You feel like waking up yet?"
Y/n shifted a little. Good, at least there's some indication that they're coming out of their sleeping beauty fairytale.
"Y/n?", he said, shaking them a little more sternly this time.
"Hmm..? Yeah?", y/n said, still sleepily.
"Good, you're finally awake,"
"What happened?" Y/n said, a little surprised by the amount of relief Laws words seemed to carry.
"You don't remember?"
"No, not really... I remember I was still fighting one of the enemies...I was in the middle of trying to deliver the final blow and then everything's blank after that,"
"Bepo told me you got ambushed from behind from another enemy. He tried to get to you, but unfortunately all he could do at first was watch. He said when he finally got free he made his way to you as soon as he could. By then you were knocked out cold,".
Y/n slowly started to sit up, Law then reached out his hands to help steady y/n by the shoulders.
"Easy does it, you've been out for quite a bit, don't try to use up too much energy,"
Y/n felt the warmth of his hands on their shoulders. It's been a long time since they felt the careful touch of such a kind gesture. Y/n had always longed to recieve any kind of good attention from Law. They felt the warmth of his touch spread throughout their body and mind, just as they were starting to let their thoughts drift to lovely, lustful fantasies, they suddenly remembered they were staring at their captain, who seemed a bit confused by y/n's long stare.
"Sorry, did you say something?"
"Don't worry about it, I'm sure you were still trying to remember what happened before you got knocked out right?". He removed his hands from y/n's shoulders.
"Y-yeah," they lied, too embarrassed to admit what they were really thinking about, they decided to change the subject.
"Sorry for making you worry about me,"
"I always worry about you, there's no reason to apologize for it. I just want to do what I can to look out for you. You're important to me,"
"Yeah, because I'm apart of the crew now,"
"Not just that, but that is part of it,"
"What's the other part of it?"
"How's your leg feeling? I had to put a few stitches in, you had some really deep cuts in you,"
"Yeah, I suppose I have the enemies swords to thank for that, but...hey! Wait a minute...why did you ignore my question?"
"We can discuss that later once you've healed, I don't wanna put anymore stress on you. We need to make sure you get as much rest as possible,"
He put his hand back on their shoulder and smirked, he knew exactly what he was doing. Oh well, at least it would get them thinking about him after he retires back to his room for the night. He pulled his hand away and started to get up.
"W-wait, where are you going?" Y/n said, shocked by Laws sudden action.
"Back to my room, I really need to try and get some sleep, not that it'll be easy. Never is. You should do the same,"
"But i just woke up! Well, if it wasn't so cold in here maybe i could! Seriously, are we docked near a winter island or something?"
"Yes, actually. Being submerged doesn't really help either I'd suppose. It is really cold, I should've put a thicker blanket on you," Law suddenly paused, and then his gray eyes gently lit up as a thought played across his mind.
"I think I know a way to make it up to you. It'd probably be beneficial to both of us, actually,"
"What is it?"
"We could sleep together,"
Y/n suddenly became flushed at Laws very forward suggestion. Realizing that what he had said didn't come out right, he began to feel the blood rush to his cheeks as he put his palm on his face. Trying to cover up some of his embarrassment.
"I-....uh....I meant that we could sleep in the same bed. I didn't mean to imply...that...".
Glad that he gave a bit more detail to what he originally meant, y/n started to calm down a little, and with a flustered sigh said, "Um....well...alright. I suppose it wouldn't hurt. It is really cold, and if it'll help my captain get some rest then I suppose..."
"Ok...um...could you turn around please?" He said, removing his palm from his face.
"Turn around? Why?" Y/n asked, wondering just what exactly he was planning to do.
Law let out an annoyed sigh and said, "Well, unless you want to see me strip,"
"Huh!?!"
"Sleeping in jeans doesn't exactly sound too comfortable,"
"I guess thats true,".
Y/n suddenly turned on their side, still a bit flustered. As they laid there, anxiously waiting for Law to get into the small bed with them, they began to notice the sound of Law stripping. First, the sound of his coat dropping to the floor. Then, the sound of him unbuckeling his belt and letting his jeans hit the floor. Finally, y/n fully realized the meaning of what was about to transpire. He's about to get into bed with me. Wearing nothing but his underwear. In this small bed. There's no way we won't be touching in this small space. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FALL ASLEEP LIKE THIS!?!
Y/n suddenly came back to reality as they heard Law crawl into the small bed as a slight cold breeze grazed their leg from him lifting the blanket. The tension in the air was thick, y/n tried so hard to not think about what was happening, but due to the closeness between the two, all of that came to a crash as they felt Laws breath on the back of their neck. Law spoke up.
"I didn't realize how small this bed would be...if you're uncomfortable like this, I understand,"
"N-no, no....it's ok...I didn't really think we'd be this close either, but...uh...,"
Y/n was completely flustered, and didn't completely fathom the fact that they were saying the thoughts coming to mind, "It is a lot warmer now. I can't say that being this close displeases me, or anything. I never thought something like this would ever happen,". Y/n always had fantasies that something like this could happen, but only in their dreams. Had all those times that he glanced their way have been real, and they weren't just hopefully imagining it. Did he really think of them in the same way. Did he feel the same way?
So many questions had flooded their mind until they felt a sudden urge to have that very question answered.
"Hey, Law?" Y/n said, turning over to face the handsome man.
*Snore*
Y/n stared, completely dumbfounded. Here they were. Finally gaining the confidence to ask Law such an important question, and there he is. Out like a light. Y/n couldn't stay annoyed for long though, as they stared at the lightly candlelit face of their captain. He rarely ever showed such a peaceful expression. Y/n stared at his face, admiring every detail. Slowly looking down his face, to his neck, to his tattooed chest. Watching as it rhythmically rose and fell. He always works really hard and doesn't get much sleep. So y/n continued tracing all of his features with their eyes until they felt their mind fade to ease.
Bepo had been looking everywhere. Where could his captain be? When he last saw Law he was making an inventory list of supplies they would need to restock on after their last battle. As he stood for a moment trying to think of anywhere he hadn't checked, he had a sudden realization. The recovery room! Bepo quickly ran their as soon as possible. He must've went to check on y/n after waking up.
As he opened the door, he was met with a closed curtain, he knew Y/n was behind it, but were they awake? Was the captain behind it with them? "Um...y/n? Captain? Captain are you there?"
"H-huh....*yawn*...yeah?" Law growled annoyingly in a mixture of not wanting to wake up and also not wanting to leave y/n's side.
"Um, captain, what're you doing here?"
"I came to check on y/n, I'll be out in a little bit,"
"Oh, ok...".
Once Law heard the door close he sighed in relief at finally being alone with y/n again. He knew Bepo was just doing his job, he just wasn't a morning person.
Y/n slowly coming to their senses, started to open their eyes. There he was, in all his smirking glory.
"Morning sleeping beauty,"
That was it. That was all it took for y/n to be all flustered again. They covered their face in embarrassment.
"You're already awake?"
"Yeah, thanks to Bepo,"
"Oh, I should've said 'good morning' to him. Wait...did he see us...like this!?!"
"Calm down. No, he didnt,"
"Ah, ok...".
They laid there in silence for a moment, enjoying eachothers warmth. Y/n started to wonder, "So, does this mean something to him, like it does to me? Was he really that cold or was there more to it than that?". As they sat there in thought, Law began to speak.
"How did you sleep? And how's your leg feeling? Any soreness?"
"It feels a little sore, it's bearable. I slept ok, but it does feel a bit cramped in this bed,"
"Yeah, next time we should use my bed,"
"Huh...n-next t-time?"
Law blushed, not aware of what he had said until it was too late. He sat up so y/n couldn't see is face.
"Uh, well, if we ever get this close to a winter island again, I wouldn't be against it..."
"U-um, ok. That doesnt s-sound like a b-bad idea,".
They went back to silence yet again, this time it felt more tense than peaceful. Y/n finally sat up. Now shoulder to shoulder with Law. They glanced up at him, trying to find an icebreaker, but then he spoke.
"Well, I guess I should go find Bepo now. We might need to do this again on a night when I can't sleep. It was actually really nice despite the tight space,"
"Yeah, I guess I should probably go get some food,"
"You think you'll be able to walk on that leg?"
"Won't know til I try,".
Y/n went to get up, confident they'd be able to stand. It was a natural motion, why wouldn't they be able to get out of bed? All that confidence went to pieces when y/n started to stumble and lose their balance. Luckily, they fell back to land on the bed before going down. Falling slightly on Law, y/n was met with an annoyed look from the grumpy cat.
"You really need to be more careful! I'll have Ikkaku come bring you breakfast. Stay in bed til you can actually put weight on that leg,".
Y/n nodded, smiling while being a little embarrassed. Law got up and went to his discarded clothes he had left on the ground. Y/n quickly looked away out of a mix of respect and embarrassment. After getting dressed, Law headed towards the curtain, opened it, then headed for the door. All the while y/n was getting readjusted to the newfound space that they had before last night. Even though now y/n could spread their arms and legs out more freely now, they couldn't deny that they had missed the previously taken up space. Y/n laid there, awaiting food, consumed by the thoughts of the slender, dark-eyed captain.
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