#and I'm so tired but every time i sleep i get weird confusing stress dreams

[introvert-celeste]

I'm so stressed 😫

[saiilorstars]

Ch. 40: Continuous Battles

Fandom: Harry Potter (Hogwarts years 1-7) Pairing: Draco x OFC

taglist:@ocappreciationtag @arrthurpendragon  @maaaaarveeeeel @stareyedplanet @foxesandmagic @kmc1989 @caplanbuckybarnes 

​​​​Story Masterlist // Romina’s Masterlist

Fanfic • Ao3 • Wattpad

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Romina was half asleep when she pulled herself together enough to head out for breakfast. She was not expecting Angel to be so chippy and loud greeting her in the morning.

"Ready for breakfast?"

"Mhm," Romina nodded. "You want to take me there? I might fall asleep on the way."

Angel chuckled. "It would be my pleasure." He interlocked arms with her and headed out of the common room with her.

"Something like that," Romina mumbled. "I had these weird dreams...just so bombarding. I kept waking up like every hour."

"That sucks," Angel said, leading her up the stairs. "You're not the kind to have bad dreams."

"No, I left all the stuff from last year behind me," Romina said with a sour smile. "Because trust me, I have plenty of material to dream about that could re-traumatize me all over again."

"Maybe it's just the stress getting to you."

"The school year just started, Angel. I'm not that behind on work yet."

"I wasn't talking about academic stress, Romina," Angel said and gave her a sharp side-eye. She knew what he meant and sighed. He had been present last night when she and Pansy had a row about the dumbest thing. "You really should try to just, I don't know, ignore her or something," Angel said.

"It's not as easy as you think. She's everywhere. I literally changed dorms to get away from her!"

"Yeah, Carol was really happy about the switch too. She'd never say it but she's kind of scared of Pansy, always has been growing up."

Romina snorted. "Nobody should ever be afraid of Pansy. I'm not scared of her, she just aggravates me."

They entered the Great Hall and went straight to the Slytherin table where their friends were sitting.

"I need some dark roast coffee stat," Romina said as they sat down together.

"You drink dark roast coffee for breakfast?" Angel chuckled.

"Sometimes," Romina shrugged. She had to pause to cover her yawn.

"Oooh, did somebody not get enough sleep last night?" Pansy's voice stopped the pair. She had come along with Millicent, the two going straight for the open seats near Draco, Crabb and Goyle.

Romina lamented that her bad morning was even worse now. "I'm not—Parkinson, keep it to yourself. I'm too tired to deal with you today." She should have at least a few hours to really wake up before she had to insult someone.

"I know," Pansy said, far too sure of what she was saying. "You know, I figured that since you keep ruining Draco's day, somebody should ruin your nights."

"What…? What did you do to me?" Romina left her breakfast as it was. Her eyes flickered between Pansy and Draco, expecting one of them to give her an explanation. Had she been less focused on the shock, she would've realized the flash of confusion on Draco's face.

"Simple nightmare potion," Pansy explained. The malicious glint in her eyes was strong and proud. "Even an idiot could make it."

"And an idiot did," Angel said, earning a brief glare from Pansy in return. "That is very low of you, Pansy. What were you thinking?"

Romina was flabbergasted. Her mind spun to think of when Pansy had slipped that potion to her. It was infuriating not knowing. "So this was some revenge ploy? A sleepless night?" She scoffed. "And really, Draco? Getting Parkinson to do it on your behalf? Beyond lazy!"

Draco glared and pointed his fork at her. "Would you stop calling me 'lazy'? I didn't ask anybody to—"

Romina rolled her eyes, not wanting to hear a word from him. "You're just pathetic. Instead of just apologizing for such a horrendous act, you make it even bigger!" She glared over at Pansy; the latter couldn't be any happier with the results.

"Better luck next time, I suppose," Pansy shrugged, her tone ever so calm.

Romina barely resisted the urge to throw her goblet upside Pansy's head. She pushed herself up from her seat and stormed away. It's too early, it's too early...

"Oswell!" She heard Draco's call not too far behind her.

Oh, God no. She picked up her pace in the hallway, deciding to head back to the common room instead. "Leave me alone!" She yelled back. "Go back and sit with your dear partner in crime!"

"I didn't ask Parkinson to do anything for me!" Draco expected the hard scoff Romina sent his way. It was the only place he could start. "It wasn't my idea!"

"Oh please!" Romina whirled around, finding he was closer to her than she thought. "You expect me to believe that?"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

Draco's face expression was nothing if not incredulous. "Because I didn't do anything?" He was sure that was the best reason he could offer. "I'm guilty of many things, Oswell, but of this? No."

Romina still seemed mighty unconvinced. She folded her arms. "Yeah right! I just want to know when Pansy slipped it in. Was it while we were arguing last night?"

"Ask her! I didn't do it!"

Romina started backtracking from him. "Forget it, I don't believe you! Just know that I will get you back for this."

"Oswell, if you would just—"

"No! Don't say another word to me!"

Draco rolled his eyes at her. She had no idea. "But listen—"

"Not another word!"

"You don't want me to say anything else?"

"Exactly!"

"Even if it's actually important?"

"Yes!"

"Okay. I won't say anything else then," Draco promptly said. His small smile was confusing but Romina didn't want to give him any more of her time.

She turned around to continue on her way but the moment her foot stepped forwards, she found the ground wasn't there. She was at the staircase. She flailed and fell forwards—she never made it down. A strong tug on her arm yanked her back before she slid off.

Next thing Romina knew, she was looking at a smug-faced Draco right in front of her. "Didn't know you'd be falling for me, Oswell," he said. He really couldn't help it. It was too big of an opportunity to let pass.

Romina's scowl was imminent. "I...hate you! You saw me about to fall!"

"You told me not to say another word," Draco reminded her. He laughed when Romina tried to smack him, or at the very least "tap him" as she'd claimed she'd done the last time. She was locked between his arms no matter how much she attempted to free herself.

"You're an absolute jerk!" And perhaps a strong one at that. Romina groaned at her failed attempts. "Let me go before I punch you!"

"What? Not comfy?" Draco was clearly enjoying the moment. He could smell her rosy scent perfectly. Now he wondered if it was her hair or her perfume. Did she wear perfume?

"I am very prepared to throw both of us down these stairs," Romina declared.

Draco laughed earnestly for the first time in a long time. "You are very competitive, Oswell. Gotta say, I like it. You're making my days fun."

Romina scoffed, head turning away. "Please. Couple days ago you said I was being ridiculous."

"And I stand by it but you're funny when you're plotting. And kinda cute."

Romina's head snapped back in his direction, tilting up to meet his gaze. His silver-blue eyes were already on her, filled with nothing but confidence.

"That a bother?" he asked her.

Before Romina knew it, she was shaking her head slowly. Speak! She blinked at her own stupidity. Warmth flourished up her neck and face within seconds. SPEAK! "You…" This wasn't working—holy shit this wasn't working! She shoved Draco far away from her. "Stay away from me!"

Draco laughed and by God it was a graceful laugh too. Romina wanted to shove him down the stairs.

"C'mon Oswell, can't we call it a truce?" He asked, sending her a smug smile. "I think it would be better if we plotted together."

"In your dreams," Romina spat and went down the steps.

Draco would take it as a win that she hadn't yelled this time. Piece by piece. He just had to put those pieces together. He turned to head back for the Great Hall.

"Where'd Romina go?" Angel bumped into him under the threshold. "Did you say something to her?"

"Sod off, Angel," Draco snapped. "This is none of your business."

"It is when you're continuously messing with Romina. I just went over this with Pansy back there and I'll tell you the same thing: back off."

"Yeah, you're not as threatening as you think you are," Draco said. "But I suppose I can give you points for effort."

Angel glared at him. "I mean it. Romina's taken enough crap these past years. You're supposed to be her friend—Pansy was supposed to be her friend — but you keep trying to make her life miserable."

"I am, but she's being a little difficult right now. Just a bump in the road, certainly nothing you need to stick your nose into. I mean seriously, are you trying to be overly blatant with that crush? It's been almost four years, Angel. Remember what I told you during our second year?"

Angel rolled his eyes. "No."

When Draco smirked, Angel knew that whatever was about to come out of his mouth was going to be infuriating.

Draco was happy to repeat himself. "The sad part is, she's never going to notice you." He clapped Angel on the shoulder. "And I was right. Four years." He wiggled four of his fingers and laughed on his way into the Great Hall.

Angel drew in a deep breath, a very deep breath, and balled his hands into tight fists. He had to calm himself before he did something he would regret, and worst of all do something that could hurt Romina along the way.

~ 0 ~

Romina had found small ways to appease her desire for revenge. Pansy Parkinson would not be making a move against her for a good while, not when she had undiluted bubotousse pus to deal with. Romina thanked Madame Pomfrey for the second lesson and the glorious opportunity she unknowingly provided. Pansy couldn't prove that the accidental squirt of pus wasn't accidental at all. She could complain all she wanted up in the hospital wing. That Thursday, Romina would focus solely on the double session of DADA, their first session of the term. It had been pushed back for some reason, though allowing for the extra Herbology lesson.

Romina sat down beside Hermione and was surprised to see that the girl wasn't there yet. She looked back at Harry and Ron who sat in the desk behind them. "I'll bite, where's Granger? She's never late and much less for the first class of the year."

Both Harry and Ron shrugged their shoulders, equally confused.

"She's been zooming through meals," Ron said. "Dunno where she gets into lately."

"Yeah, I've noticed," Romina remarked. "She seems kinda upset, though. Did you two do something?"

"That's offensive," Ron said sourly, glancing at Harry for some help.

Harry was frowning. "Of course not, Rom. Whatever Hermione's up to, we'll end up learning about it soon enough. Like the Time Turner."

Romina had to give him the point. Just as she was turning to face forwards again, she caught sight of the bushy haired Hermione zipping into the classroom.

"Made it!" Hermione said in utter relief when she plonked down beside Romina.

Romina eyed her friend curiously and slightly concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Course! Yeah! Why do you ask?" Hermione eagerly started pulling out her book and quill and parchment and everything else they would probably need for the class.

Romina still watched her strangely. "Just...curious…"

Shortly afterwards, Moody finally entered the classroom. He made his way up to the front, commanding silence with his bare walk. "You can put those away—those books," he started, his gruff tone startling the class, "You won't need them."

Hermione was deeply disappointed unlike Ron who couldn't put his book away quick enough.

"I'm here because Dumbledore asked me, end of story, goodbye, the end. Any questions?" Moody didn't exactly wait for any hands to raise. "When it comes to the dark arts, I believe in a practical approach. But first, which of you can tell me how many unforgivable curses there are?"

Unsurprisingly, Hermione's hand was the first one in the air. Moody gave her the nod to answer. "Three sir."

"And they are so named?"

"Because they are unforgivable. Use of any one of them will…"

"Will earn you a one way ticket to Azkaban. Correct. Now the ministry says you're too young to see what these curses do. I say different!" Moody said with a particular snap in his tone. "You need to know what you're up against, you need to be prepared, you need to find somewhere else to put your chewing gum other than the underside of your desk Mr Finnigan!"

Finnigan jumped at the sudden call of his name, all heads turning his way while Moody went up to the chalkboard.

"Aw no way, the old codger can see out the back of his head," Finnigan murmured to his partner.

Moody threw a piece of chalk in his direction but went on with the class as if nothing happened. "So, which curse shall we see first? WEASLEY!"

Ron jumped. "Y-yes?"

"Give us a curse!"

"Well, my dad did tell me about one...the imperious curse."

"Ahhh yes, your father would know all about that. Gave the ministry quite a bit of grief a few years ago. Perhaps this will show you why." Moody opened a drawer of his desk and pulled out a jar with a spider inside it. As soon as Ron saw it, he leaned away as if the spider was about to come his way. "Hello. What a little beauty. Imperio!" Moody raised the spider into the air with his wand. "Don't worry. Completely harmless."

The class watched as the spider went side to side, up and down, in circles. Snickers started erupting when the spider was sent over the tops of several students and soon enough most of them were laughing. Ron certainly didn't laugh when the spider danced over his head.

"Get it off! Get it off!" He slapped his own head in an attempt to rid himself of the spider. The class roared with laughter.

"What are you laughing at?" Moody chose Draco to silence amongst the class by sending the spider to his nose.

Much like Ron, Draco swatted his hands over his face to throw the spider off. There may have been some extra laughing with the sight.

Mad-Eye sends the spider onto Draco's face.

"Scores of witches and wizards have claimed that they only do did you-know-whose bidding under the influence of the imperious curse," Moody explained, "But here's the rub, how do we sort out the liars? Another.. Another…" His gaze swept over the class for another volunteering hand and to everyone's surprise, Neville did it. "Longbottom is it?" Neville nodded silently. "What is it?"

"There's the um...the Cruciatus Curse," Neville responded, gaze slightly downfallen.

"Correct! Correct! Particularly nasty. The torture curse. Crucio!" Moody said, and suddenly the spider was writhing. Its legs were twisting and turning in angles that it shouldn't be.

Romina's face twisted with fright. She really wished she wasn't sitting upfront. What was more odd, at least to her, was that it seemed Moody was lost in the spell, focused solely on the pained spider. "Professor?" she decided to call, though not sufficiently loud enough.

"STOP IT! Can't you see it's bothering him, stop it!" Hermione yelled suddenly, Everyone near her looked at her but realized she was looking not at Moody but at Neville who couldn't be more positively disturbed.

Moody gave the spider a break and looked at Hermione. "Perhaps you could give us the last unforgivable curse Miss Granger."

Hermione shook her head defiantly, a very surprising move for the other students.

Romina then raised her hand, expression emotionless. For a fourteen year old girl, it should be rare to know it but she wasn't exactly raised like the rest of her companions.

"Oswell," Moody gave her the nod. Romina swore that he knew, and why wouldn't he?

"The murder curse," Romina said, hands balling into fists over the desk.

"The killing curse," Moody corrected for technicalities.

"Is it not the same thing?" Romina challenged and earned a small smirk from the man. "Avada Kedavra," she said slowly and clearly.

"Avada Kedavra!" Moody's wand emanated a green flash of light that instantly stilled the spider in the air, Romina and Hermione flinching when it landed on their desk. "There is no countercourse for this, no blocking either. Only one known person has ever survived it and he's sitting in this room."

It was fairly quick how Harry's excitement for the class vanished in a matter of seconds. He couldn't wait to see the end of the session so he could hide under a rock from all the looks.

"I can't believe he actually used those curses," Hermioe muttered when they were finally free. Moody took a head start out of the class, ironically, as if he had somewhere else to be.

Romina slid out of her seat and cast a wary look at the chalkboard that was full of notes on said curses. She had to admit that Moody's teachings were very different from their previous professors' styles. "We can only hope this was the worst lesson to learn."

"Fat chance," Ron said, nearly exclaiming. He was the only student who remained excited about the lessons.

"Harry, you alright?" Romina asked, noticing how quiet their friend was as he put away his roll of parchment. She had a pretty good idea what he was thinking about. The last unforgivable curse was the reason he was an orphan.

"Yeah, course," Harry said quickly, even throwing on a fake smile for show.

"Neville's not," Hermione said, watching as Neville walked out of the classroom in a sort of haze. Hermione was quick to follow, prompting the others to then follow her.

"Oswell," Draco called, standing up from his seat when Romina was to walk by. "I heard what you did to Parkinson…"

Romina had long ago mastered her innocent expressions, even in the face of accusers (Draco) and the suspicious (Hermione). The latter had figured it out a while ago and wasn't backing down despite Romina's assurances that she didn't do anything.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Romina said, shrugging her shoulders.

Draco tilted his head at her, eyes narrowing on her with a small smile. "Yeah, sure." Romina shrugged, truly committed to her role of innocence.

"Rom!" Harry called by the doorway. Thinking it wasn't enough, he marched over to grab Romina's arm. "Whatever he's saying, don't even bother responding!"

"Even if she did, she knows she's lying," Draco said, eyes still glued on Romina. "Isn't that right?"

Romina opened her mouth to shoot down such accusations but Harry never gave her the chance. He yanked her away.

"Rom, I've told you not to provoke him!" He began to say once they were out in the hallways.

"I didn't!" Romina exclaimed in a mix of laughter and incredulity. "Why does everyone think I'm doing it?

Hermione heard the last question and had the answer up and ready. "Because you are doing things. Did he accuse you of hurting Parkinson? Because if he did, I hate that I agree with him."

"Hermione!" Ron was horrified. "How could you ever agree with Malfoy of all people?"

Hermione gestured towards Romina. "Because she is doing that stuff and one of these days, you're going to push too hard, Romina, and you'll get really hurt."

Romina scoffed, entirely unconvinced. "C'mon, Neville looks terrible right now." She walked towards the boy who had become like a statue in the hallway, staring endlessly out the window. "Neville?" Romina approached him slowly and cautiously.

"Oh, hello," he cleared his throat to say. He turned away from the window, looking as if he was trying to wake up from a dream, probably a bad dream. " interesting lesson, wasn't it? I wonder what's for dinner, I'm-I'm starving, aren't you?"

"Neville, are you alright?" Hermione asked him despite the answer being clear as day.

"Oh yes, I'm fine," Neville said, his tone just a pitch too high, "Very interesting dinner—I mean lesson. What's for eating?"

Neville didn't always make sense but this was too strange even for him. Concern filled each of the other students as Neville continued his efforts to make a coherent conversation.

"Um, Neville…" Harry had started when Moody of all people was returning.

"It's alright, sonny," the professor put a hand over Neville's shoulder, "Why don't you come up to my office? I have some books that might interest you." Neville didn't exactly look eager to go with Moody but since no one said anything, he had no choice but to walk.

"What was that about?" Ron asked as soon as they were alone.

"Something we don't know, clearly," Romina said, watching after Neville and Moody. "The way Neville acted...there's something on his mind."

"Some lesson, though, eh?" Ron cracked a smile. "Fred and George were right! Moody really knows his stuff, huh?"

"I'm pretty sure what he taught us wasn't supposed to be on the syllabus," Romina shook her head. Hermione agreed.

~ 0 ~

Romina was acutely aware of Pansy's dirty looks in the days after her unfortunate puss mess had been cleared. There was nothing Pansy could do to prove that anything malicious had been done to her and it was just infuriating, Romina knew it and she was proud of herself.

Now as the drawing of the Goblet of Fire was nearing, many students of all ages had taken a liking to hanging in the very room where it was being kept to watch those potential candidates drop their names inside the goblet. Romina came in that afternoon and immediately spotted Hermione sitting at the bleachers with a book in her hands. She was a little wary to greet Hermione due to the matter with the SPEW stuff.

Romina, much like everyone else that she knew of in Gryffindor, were all a little tired of hearing Hermione's badgering to join her elf welfare club. Romina admired Hermione for taking such an initiative but she really doubted that it would go anywhere. She saw Harry and Ron milling around the Goblet, as much as they could anyways. There was a circle barring anybody from getting too close to it.

"Whatcha doing?" Romina startled the pair of boys behind them. She smirked when they jumped and turned her way.

"You know, just looking," Ron said, shrugging casually even though his eyes were sparkling with yearning for the Goblet.

"Mhm," Romina nodded sarcastically, "And I suppose neither of you have attempted to put your name in there?"

"We can't, Rom," Harry said, "Not of age."

"Has anybody come to put their name in?" Romina curiously asked. She gave the room another look and saw that Carolinha had come in and had made the mistake of starting up a conversation with Hermione. No doubt the Gryffindor would be pulling out one of her SPEW badges.

"Angelina from our Quidditch team did half an hour ago," Ron said, giving a big thumbs up. "Oh, and I heard Cedric Diggory did too."

"Really?" Romina raised an eyebrow, absolutely dazzled with the idea.

"Not you too, Rom," Harry rolled his eyes.

Romina giggled. "He's just cute. And mysterious. And polite." Ron made a yapping motion with his hand, making Harry snicker and Romina frown. She smacked Ron's hand down. She was about to scold him for that bit when she heard familiar voices entering the room. Looking back, she saw Draco, Crabb and Goyle laughing about something.

"Oh great," Harry muttered and soon Ron was donning the same face.

"You know I heard that Warrington from the Slytherin's Quidditch team put his name in," Ron remarked, shaking his head. "Can you imagine if we had a Slytherin champion?"

"Well," Romina's tone was sharp enough to have both him and Harry wincing. She folded her arms over her chest. "You guys are sure making me feel welcomed."

"You know we don't mean that about you, Rom," Harry was cautious when he patted her arm.

"So, everyone else, then?" Romina tilted her head. "My friend over there, Carolinha," she pointed over to the brunette speaking with Hermione, "She's pretty great. I'm sure Hermione is talking her ears off right now but my girl Carol is too sweet to cut anybody off. And her brother? He's the same. Harry, you know Arden since we were dumb kids. Are we calling her bad too?"

"No, of course not," Harry shook his head. "Sorry." He did have the decency to look a little sorry which was why Romina elected to move on from there.

"Were there any Ravenclaws who put their names in?"

"We're not—"

"We've done it!" They heard the voices of Fred and George announcing. They hopped up to the first bleacher, looking mighty happy about something. They commanded the attention of the whole room with it.

"Thank you, thank you, well lads we've done it!" George exclaimed.

"Done what?" called Romina, fairly curious of what they were cooking up now.

"The Aging Potion my dear Ali—"

Romina caught the first part of her nickname and immediately glowered until they fixed it.

"My dear Romina," Fred began anew, "It is the Aging Potion! One drop each. We only need to be a few months older."

"You can't possibly think that'll work," Hermione said, shaking her head. The twins rapidly came up to her seat, forcing Carolinha to scoot away a bit so they could lean on both Hermione's sides. "Dumbledore drew the age line himself." She made a nod towards the circle around the flaming Goblet.

"So?" challenged George.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "So, a genius like Dumbledore couldn't possibly be fooled by something pathetically dimwitted such as an age potion."

"That's why it's so brilliant!" Fred exclaimed, straightening up along with George.

"I mean...they could be onto something," Romina whispered to Harry and Ron who both chuckled with her. Sometimes, you don't need to think so much. The solution was simple and straightforward.

"Ready George?"

"Ready, Fred!"

Both twins interlocked their arms with each other and drank their potions. They then hopped off the last bleacher and walked up to the Age Line. They paused for a moment before taking synced steps forwards. And they made it through.

Everybody cheered for them—mostly everybody—as they walked confidently up to the Goblet of Fire and dumped their names inside. They high-fived each other as the flames ignited behind them. But, just like that, the flames exploded and threw the pair out. Smoke covered them and most of the room for a few seconds.

When it cleared up and the twins sat upright, they were sporting heavily long beards that matched their new set of grey hair.

"You said.." George pointed at his brother.

"You said," accused Fred.

They lunged at each other. Most of the room cheered as they rolled and fought each other, including Ron himself.

"I stand corrected," Romina shrugged to Harry. "Point to Hermione."

"Yeah," Harry said, unable to hold his laughter in.

Romina had to move carefully around the groups of students lest she wanted to be caught up. Some people were really into the growing fight. Among those were even Crabb and Goyle, something Draco wasn't too pleased with.

"That's what you get for hanging out with idiots," she told him. "Blaise, Theodore, and Angel busy or something?"

"Zabini and Nott have zero interest in this until names are actually drawn," he retorted. "And as if you don't know that Angel has newfound animosity towards me."

Romina paused and looked at him. "What? What did you do?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Like you don't know."

"I don't. Usually, you do something."

A loud bang startled the pair. Karkaraoff was leading the Durmstrang boys into the room, forcing the crowd to separate. Even the twins had finally given up trying to kill each other. Romina was sure that most of the attention was going towards Victor Krum, the star of that school. She was absolutely dumbfounded when he and Draco exchanged nods.

"Since when do you know Krum?" she had to ask. It was a force beyond her, honestly.

Draco smiled smugly. "I do know how to expand my networks, Oswell. One of the many talents instilled in me."

"The others being…?" Romina made a gesture for him to list them specifically. She doubted the list would be long.

The Durmstrang boys were on their way out of the room, each of them having slipped their names inside the Goblet.

"Show off," Romina huffed at Draco after he'd waved at Krum.

"Me? Never," he smirked.

Romina shook her head at him. "I'm surprised you haven't bragged about this. I would've expected the whole school to know about it, actually."

"Stories about me get told anyways, Oswell. You wouldn't believe the ones I've heard." The way he smiled ever-so-widely warned Romina those stories had to be ego-inflating.

"Yeah, not interested."

"Oh, c'mon, you'd…" Draco trailed off when Madame Maxime led her Beauxbaton students in.

Romina rolled her eyes heavily enough to make her feel twinges of pain. "Are you going to finish that sentence?"

"Mhm," Draco nodded, but no actual words came out afterwards.

"Seriously!?" Romina huffed and looked away, soon noticing that the same thing was happening to every other male student in the room. "For the love of God!"

The Beauxbatons each dropped their names inside the Goblet and turned, in a neat line, after Madame Maxime who promptly led them back out. By the time Draco came to, Romina was long gone.

~ 0 ~

Arden was nose deep into her Unfogging the Future book before class when she heard the noise of someone dropping into the seat beside her. She looked up and frowned. "You're not Parkinson. I can't decide if that's better or worse."

"I've got a problem, King," Draco said, frowning when she snorted in return.

"No, you've got many problems but there's not enough time in the world for me to list them."

He decided to ignore Arden's little jab. "It's Oswell."

"Shocker."

"She's continuously pissing me off and I would rather fix it before this becomes permanent."

Arden put her book down on the table, now deeply interested in where the conversation was going. "You actually want to fix things?"

Draco nodded. "It's got to be better than having to look twice when she's around. Her apt for retaliation is commendable but also a growing pain in the ass."

"Fair," Arden agreed. "But you do know what you have to do, right?"

"If I knew that, I would not be here, would I?" Draco gestured to his current seat. He had managed to shake off being Arden's partner this year and he would like to keep it that way. She got stuck with Pansy which was a win for him. The never ending jabs at each other were hilarious to watch and hear.

"I know what happened in the forest," Arden said, keeping her voice low, "And you were out of line. That's what Romina's upset about. And instead of apologizing, you made it worse by turning it into a game of tricks."

"She started it," Draco drowned. "Have you met her?"

"Yes," Arden said slowly, "Since I was seven. And you're right to be wary of her when she's in this mood. Back in our muggle school, this girl basically did the same thing to Romina and it did not end until Romina was suspended from school for a whole week."

"What she do?" Draco curiously asked. Being a troublemaker wasn't really part of Romina's personality. Mischievous was, but a full on troublemaker wasn't.

"She grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the girl's hair in one snip." Arden could still vividly remember the screaming she and the rest of her family had heard coming from the Oswell residence next door that same night. She didn't see Romina for a full month after that.

Draco was frankly bemused and stunned with what he heard. "She did not," he said, barely holding his laugh in.

Arden nodded earnestly. "She did. I love my best friend but she has a nasty temper when things get too much. If you don't want to end up like Gale Perry, apologize now."

"I will do no such thing," Draco said, shaking his head. "I want to see how far Oswell will go with this."

"That wasn't the point of my story!"

"Yeah, and it was better. Thanks King, you actually can help sometimes." Draco promptly got up from his seat and moved on up the steps towards his actual spot.

Arden made a face, her teeth gritting together as she realized the conversation did not go the way it probably should have. She had the feeling Romina would kill her if she found out that she'd basically spurred the games on.

~0~

A few days later would have Angel finding an empty spot with Draco, Theodore and Blaise at their table in the Great Hall. It was a study session, the first one of the year.

"Didn't expect you to sit anywhere near here," Draco spoked quietly as Snape was making his rounds.

Angel shook his head. "I've been thinking. What you said a couple days back?"

"I say a lot of things, you'll have to be more specific."

"Stop acting dumb!"

"It's not an act, mate," Blaise remarked, snickering with Theodore when both Draco and Angel sent them the same glares.

"I'm being serious," Angel said.

"So was I," Blaise said.

"Eyes on the essay, Zabini," warned Draco. Blaise shrugged and continued to scribble over his parchment. "And as for you—" Draco glanced at Angel beside him, "—what the hell are you talking about?"

"In your own fantastically mean way, you've pushed me to act with Romina," Angel said, shrugging her shoulders. "I guess tough love really does work."

"No," Draco said sharply, "I did not do 'tough love'. I don't do 'tough love'. I didn't do anything."

"More like he never does anything anyways," mumbled Theodore which, once again, sent him and Blaise into another fit of snickers.

"This time you did," Angel insisted. "I mean, it's been almost 4 years and I should, logically, be able to do something. So, I thought I'd maybe ask Romina if she wanted to go together on the first Hogsmeade trip that's scheduled."

"It's funny…" Draco said slowly, eyes flickering to the side, "I don't remember…"

Angel made a face at him. "What?"

"I don't remember...asking to hear this conversation."

Blaise and Theodore laughed and eventually had to duck their heads to keep it covered before Snape heard. Angel deadpanned the two; they could never take anything serious.

"You can't stop being sarcastic for a minute, can you?"

"Oh, I wasn't being sarcastic. I was being honest," Draco clarified, "Because I'm pretty sure nowhere in my previous conversation with you did I give you the idea that I would want to talk about this."

"I was just letting you know—"

"Why?"

"Because you and Romina have entered this little war with each other and since you're both my friends I would rather you put an end to it already."

"Yeah, I spoke to King about that and it's not happening. Did you know that Oswell had a record? I'm talking about a serious record." Days after talking with Arden, Draco was still impressed with the story. He would've given anything to see Romina cut that muggle girl's hair.

"Draco, c'mon," Angel said, "It's been—what?—two weeks since this started? It's getting tiring. She did not appreciate the exploding ink bottle you left for her, by the way."

Draco's smirk didn't express disappointment. "I sure enjoyed it."

"I'm just telling you to back off already. It's not funny anymore."

"On the contrary, I think it's quite fun," Draco shrugged. "You're just boring, Angel. That's going to have to change if you're actually going to do something for the future."

Angel would've liked to strangle him at that point. "You just can't take things seriously!"

They heard the heavy footsteps of Snape nearing them, cutting the conversation short.

~0~

Romina had just finished dotting her last 'i' on her letter she was sending to her grandmother when she heard somebody coming into the common room. She looked up briefly to catch sight of Blaise walking in, shaking his head about something that seemed funny.

"Never thought I'd see the day when Blaise Zabini laughed," she called from her spot. She'd recused herself to one of the individual tables by the wall to complete her homework.

Blaise stopped in the middle of the room to scoff. "You're not funny, but I will admit that what you're doing is rather amusing."

Romina made a face as her eyes landed on her letter still in her hands. "Writing a letter to my grandmother is funny to you? That's a sad sense of humor you got there, Blaise…"

"I meant with Malfoy and Paes! You know they're arguing over you, right?"

Now Romina was the one laughing. "What? Last time I heard, they weren't exactly on speaking terms."

"Yeah, because of you," Blaise pointed. "It's funny as hell but I'm also a little concerned they're going to end up hurting each other."

Romina stopped to seemingly ponder. "Well...are they still arguing right now? Think I can catch them?"

Blaise shook his head at her. "Great, you can't take things seriously either!"

"I can too!" Romina said, but her lips were already curving into a smile that would no doubt turn into a laugh if she pushed it. "I just...like fun stuff. What exactly are they arguing about anyways?"

"Well…" Blaise swayed his head, "Angel is demanding that Draco apologize to you for whatever he did to piss you off."

"I like Angel," Romina nodded, "Everybody should listen to Angel when he says that I'm right."

"He didn't say that—"

"That's what I heard, Blaise."

Blaise rolled his eyes. "Can you just fix it, please? It's bad enough that I have to hear Draco complain about your incessant retaliations. I don't want to hear him bickering with Angel too over you. You are not that special."

Romina raised a hand to her chest, feigning offence. "How rude. But I commend your bluntness. I'll talk to Angel."

"Wouldn't it just be easier to fix things with Draco already?"

"Yeah, if you want me to take the loser's path." Romina snorted and went back to folding her letter nice and perfectly. "Losing's not my style, Blaise. I'm talking to Angel. She smiled to herself when Blaise groaned and headed for the hallway.

Later on, Romina gathered her things to bring them into her dorm. There was still enough time to get her letter to the owlery before dinner. She was coming out of the common room altogether when she saw Angel coming down the stairs.

"Hey!" He greeted her with his typical cheery smile. "Not getting dinner already, are you?"

"No, I've got a letter to send to my grandma," Romina waved her envelope in front of her. "Wanna come with me?"

"Yeah!" Angel nodded, turning on his heels to walk with her. "Everything good in that letter? I mean—your grandmother's okay?"

Romina chuckled. "Yeah, I'm just letting her know that I haven't really gotten a chance to talk with Madam Maxime yet."

Angel snorted into a laugh. "Why would you want to talk to her?"

"Apparently, she was the headmistress of Beauxbatons Academy when my grandmother went there. They're close, I guess."

"Oh boy. What would you even talk about?"

Romina laughed and shook her head. "I have no bloody idea! As far as I can tell, my grandmother was this pristine young woman back in her day and I—" she put a hand on her chest, "—don't have a lick of pristineness in me. I've heard rumors that I have a big mouth, actually. And by 'rumors', I mean Arden."

"You're just fine," Angel patted her arm. "Perfect, actually."

Romina smiled shyly. "You're too sweet." She led the way up the stairs in silence until they reached the last one. "So, Blaise and I were talking earlier…"

"Really?" Angel's heavy disbelief was simply too amusing not to laugh at.

"We can talk civilly sometimes," Romina said, sobering from her laugh. "And he was saying that you and Draco have been arguing. Angel, you don't have to fight anyone on my behalf. I think I can handle it on my own."

"I can't help it, Romina," Angel shrugged. "I don't like seeing you get hurt and I definitely don't like it if someone's doing it for fun."

"Draco's not hurting me, first of all," Romina said, shaking her head. "It's harmless jokes that I willingly participate in. In fact, I'm pretty sure I started it."

"Yeah, but only because you're upset. I know it, I see it." Angel stopped walking in the middle of the hallway, forcing Romina to do the same. He turned to face her and looked directly into her dark eyes. "You're laughing and smirking but I know that Draco did something really bad to hurt you."

Romina absolutely didn't like the way he read her with ease. She wanted to avoid Angel's gaze. "He didn't hurt me."

"Not physically, that much I know for sure," Angel said. "But he did something to...to deeply upset you."

"He disappointed me and when he didn't apologize, he pissed me off." Romina shook her head. She started walking quicker than before. She was not going to show any tears, no sir.

"And that's why I'm demanding that he apologizes," Angel was quick to follow after her.

"You're wasting your time, Angel, he's not going to do it anytime soon!" Perhaps that was what hurt Romina the most. "And I don't want him to do it because somebody demands him to. It wouldn't change anything."

"Hey," Angel grabbed Romina's arm to stop her altogether, "See this is what I mean."

"It's not your fault," Romina said, gently taking his hand off her. "Ironically, I suppose it's not completely Draco's fault either."

"What? You just said—"

"Sometimes I can't help wondering who I would have turned out to be if my parents had raised me," Romina said quietly. "If I had lived with everybody who thought as twisted as they did." She genuinely shuddered at the idea each time she thought of it. "I got lucky. My parents are murderers. Under their influence...I don't know who I would've become."

"Your situation is not the same though," Angel gently pointed out.

"I know, but our parents...Angel, they ingrain stuff. Their past can very well be our future."

"Romina…"

"I understand myself, Angel," Romina cut him off before he said anything else, "And I may be daft but last year was terrible for me and, as surprising as it may sound, Draco actually helped me. People thought the worst of me but he didn't. He never did. Somewhere inside him there has to be a shred of genuine guilt and if I have to annoy him until we graduate for him to finally own up to it, I will."

Angel couldn't take the fact Romina was both smirking and overly determined. It was kind of scary how determined she was. There was no way in hell anybody would be talking her down.

[roxie-roo]

Day 9: Sleep

Sleep came easily. Sleep was something every ruler could depend on to escape whatever scares may await them in the darkness outside. For False, sleep came very easily. But these past few nights, there were some.. issues. She kept finding herself outside her bedroom, outside of her house, in areas that took time to recognize. Either in her sheep pen, halfway down her new bridge, even under her pumpkin head statue which was still floating for some reason. Today, though, she was further than she normally was.

She was in a mostly asleep daze by the time her feet touched stone. Some vague light flashed in front of her, a lantern or a torch maybe, and she stood there, stiff as a board. Not saying a word. There were footsteps approaching her still sleeping figure, and she was only awoken from her sleep by a bright light suddenly in her face, and a voice near her.

"Hello? False?"

Her eyes shot open and she nearly stumbled back, blinded by the froglight so close to her face. "Ah- sorry- sorry-" she managed, arms rising in front of her face to shield herself from the light.

The glowing fruit was lowered, and False could now finally see who was here in front of her.

"Hello, stranger." Pix offered warmly, kind and worn smile on his face. False strangely felt comforted by his presence. At least compared to some of the other people she'd met.

"Hi..." She breathed out, lowering her arms and relaxing a little bit. "Sorry..."

"It's alright.. though, it is rather late. What are you doing out here at this time of night?"

False, in all honesty, wasn't sure how to answer that. "I.. I really don't know." She laughed nervously. "I just kinda... ended up here. I was asleep at home, last I checked."

Pix shook his head with a little sigh. "Sleepwalking.. Often caused by stress or discomfort, or lack of sleep."

"Ah." False nodded slowly. "Right.. it's likely that last one- I haven't exactly... slept in a while. I- I mean- not for lack of trying, I've been trying, but it's not.. working.."

There was a warm smile on the old adventurer's face. Comforting, and radiating a sort of calm presence that False almost certainly needed. "Is there something on your mind? Would you like to sit down and talk about it?"

"Uh... I- I don't know really what all there is to talk about.." She admitted. "I mean,, I've used the stuff I see in my dreams to plan out my area... but I can't exactly do that when I'm... y'know.. not sleeping." She ran a hand through her hair, frazzled and confused, and the poor thing looked like she'd have a nervous breakdown at this point. "But I don't know why I'm not sleeping- it's so weird.. I- I just want to know what it is that's wrong with me-"

"Hey.." Pix gently placed a hand on her shoulder, causing the poor thing to flinch and look up at him hesitantly. She was like a shaking cat. "It's okay... It's okay to not know what's wrong, you know.. sometimes, things take time to figure out. You can't figure out all issues in one day." He laughed softly and gave her a lighthearted grin. "Take your time."

"Right.." False nodded slowly, leaning into his hand, which soon became an arm around her shoulder as the two sat down on the Great Bridge. It was a quiet night. False finally felt like she was getting tired. It was about damn time. "I- I should probably get home.. thanks, Pix.. for everything."

"Of course." He nodded and helped her to her feet. "Stay safe, False."

"I will." She'd try at least. And so she went home, past weird floating statues and cryptic signs, as she finally allowed herself to be enveloped in the warmth of her blankets.

[honeybeecomebuzzingme]

It's still very good that I haven't had a meltdown in weeks now. But I still feel guilty that the only times I have ever panicked or had any meltdowns was in relation to N. Dreams or nightmares?

It's a lot of things to process.

Big change. It takes a while to shift my mindset. But I still see him as a friend.

I try really hard to be a good person.

A good friend. But right now I'm not sure.

I'm still processing the break up, I'm back into writing as if how much stress it caused me to have meltdowns so often was causing me to get depressed and lose interest in things. I got writers block.

I feel so much better now.

It's sad that I couldn't be this productive and motivated before. Ambitious.

I wish I could have been able to accept that I can do things for myself. Be free.

I feel safer now I guess?

My decision to get a female driving instructor is comforting. Hopeful.

I feel like without the anxiety and stress that I had before I'll get on better than I did before. I need to keep up with the plans.

My goals are to write and practice guitar every day. Eventually I will post things on YouTube and I want to learn the Nick Cave song off by heart at least.

My love and trust for N might be evolving, as it is always unconditional yet has grown platonic, I take with me the lessons he taught me through all my denial and doubt over how I could possibly do things without anyone telling me I was doing it wrong somehow. At least now I trust him more as a friend. I'm glad for that.

As my best friend he will always be remembered most of all. Nakama.

My anxiety seems to be a lot better recently and that makes me happy.

I need to process other things too.

I think I might be gay? I'm an egg.

I'm not sure yet, I told N I think I might be.

I told him I've been questioning everything and honestly I had a lot of dysphoria.

I question so much eventually I'm going to question and overthink the first question.

"Was I meant to be born a boy?"

"I identify with Andy/Angie more than my birth name so maybe I want to be a guy?"

"I do love to be called my gender neutral name and gender neutral pronouns"

"I would have been called Andrew"

And then I think about how I was scared I'd lost my attraction to N before and I felt that wishing for not having anything.

I don't want to be touched down there.

I don't want to have any surgery there.

I feel weird and confusing to sex.

The last thing I want is to make N think he's turned me gay. But also I never felt like I could be my true self with him.

There was always that wall in the way.

Sides of the wall were transparent but it was never as accessible as the way things were back when I used to blog about it on here back in the day. I loved him directly.

Fireworks in all that. Intense emotional outbursts and meltdowns aside. He was a good egg and a humble person. My muse.

He's still my muse. N is like JW a lot.

JW now he'll eventually outgrow Mel too.

Or would that be a misdirection? Who is to say. But generally I want to focus on me.

Writing this helps me a lot. To process.

I'm so tired too. I must try sleep.

[helloalycia]

just a kid [one] // wanda maximoff

summary: you're a field medic at the Avengers Tower and get into an accident where you hurt your head. It was only supposed to be a mild concussion, yet things don't seem to be going right when you try to remember the accident.

warning/s: mentions of violent/dark scenes.

author's note: here’s the first of a little two-parter I worked on not long ago, hope you all like it!

part two | masterlist | wattpad

I woke up with heavy eyes and an aching head, momentarily dazed.

"Hey there, Doctor Y/L/N... can you hear me okay?"

Breathing deeply, I found the energy to clear my throat and scan the view above me. I was laying down on a bed, in a hospital room, I think. The lights were ever so bright and I now knew how annoying it felt to wake up like this as my patients had.

"What happened?" I asked, eyes roaming around until they settled on my doctor. "Doctor Maya? What am I–? Why am I here?"

I recognised Doctor Maya as a colleague of mine, though unlike me, she was a doctor who worked at the Avengers Tower whereas I worked as a field medic so was more on the move. The only reason I'd be here is if I was in an accident. Was I? I wasn't sure.

"Something happened when you were on your last mission," she explained gently. "I– hold on. I'm going to get Miss Maximoff, okay?"

"Wanda?" I asked, furrowing my brows and pinching them to relieve the stress in my head. "Where is she? Is she here?"

"She just nipped out," Doctor Maya said, before backing up. "One second, Y/N."

She left the room momentarily, leaving me to try and remember what had happened. I was on the quinjet and was getting briefed with my team. There were casualties that we had to get to and an agent– an agent I was helping, yes!

I groaned, clutching my head when I tried to remember. Deciding I shouldn't push myself so soon, I waited until the doctor returned with Wanda. Maybe they could tell me how I ended up here. I wasn't exactly injured, at least not physically and that I knew of. My head hurt and that was about it.

The door to my room opened suddenly and I looked that way, seeing Wanda rushing in wearing her civilian clothing. The doctor followed soon after, gently closing the door behind her.

"You're awake," Wanda said with relief, stopping by my bedside. Her hand rested on mine, squeezing it comfortingly. "How are you feeling?"

I smiled upon seeing her, even if she was staring at me like I was a fragile piece of glass. We'd been dating for a while now and she always had the power to make me feel better with her presence.

"I'm alright," I promised. "Just a bit confused to what happened. The last thing I remember is going into the field. Then I woke up here."

She chewed on her lower lip, exchanging unreadable glances with the doctor.

"There was a mine that detonated near you when you were helping an injured agent," Wanda explained softly, and I opened my mouth to speak, but she quickly added, "The agent is okay before you ask. But you hit your head from the impact. Mild concussion."

"That's why your head hurts and you're having trouble remembering," the doctor said, earning my attention. "You should be feeling better soon. And I've got some medication for the pain."

Now that Wanda mentioned it, I did vaguely recall being thrown back by a blast. But remembering it was like watching a film with poor satellite, the screen fuzzing around the edges and remaining unclear even though you focused hard. I was sure it would return to me soon.

"Thanks," I said, before attempting to sit up straight. Wanda helped me as I looked to her with gratitude before paying my attention back to Doctor Maya. "Am I alright to leave?"

"Of course, yeah," she said, nodding quickly. "Feel free to come back if you have any trouble. You should be okay though."

I nodded and smiled gratefully before watching her leave. Sighing, I pushed my hair from my face and looked to Wanda who was hanging by me patiently, eyes twinkling with concern.

"I'm fine," I promised her with a knowing look.

She gave me a small smile – her way of saying I'm still worried, but I'll dial it down – then moved to the chair beside the bed and grabbed some clothes.

"You can change into this," she said about the clothes in her hand, and I was sure they were some of hers; mine must have been ruined from the mine. "And if you want, you can stay with me whilst you recover."

I raised my eyebrows as I accepted the clothes. "You sure? It's nothing serious. I can take care of myself."

She shrugged, eyes avoiding mine with embarrassment as her hands played with mine. "I wanna help. I like looking after you... plus, you've stayed at mine before. This isn't any different. And you can be closer to Doctor Maya in case anything is wrong."

I weighed the decision briefly before giving in, unable to resist how cute she was when she was worried. "Okay, yeah, sure, why not?" She smiled widely, and I added, "Any excuse to cuddle with you, right?"

She chuckled. "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Just let me get ready and we can head to your room. I'm actually a little tired."

She nodded and helped me up so I could get ready. I didn't think much of the whole thing, until later that night when I fell asleep beside Wanda.

My dreams never usually meant much. I wasn't one for reading into them, nor was I one to get seriously affected by 'nightmares', knowing they were usually a concoction of bad horror films and stupid ghost stories from my childhood.

But tonight was different.

It wasn't a dream and it wasn't a nightmare, but rather a memory that couldn't exist.

There was debris everywhere, a mixture of yellow rays blinding my sight with dark shadows looming over me. Destroyed buildings and scattered bodies – none were alive – surrounded me. The heat was too much, but I had a job. I knew I had a job, but I couldn't focus because of how fast my heart was racing, beating an incessant drum in my ears, and how rigid my body felt.

"Help!" a voice was shouting. A young girl, I think – she sounded like a kid. Who was it?

Before I could make sense of anything, I heard a loud noise, like an explosion, that sounded so close yet also extremely distant. Nonetheless, my eardrums weren't spared. The mine, maybe? Was this a memory? Was this how I got hurt?

I was thrown back, head hitting a wall, but I didn't pass out. There was a figure looming over me, short, like a child's shadow, but with no visible face or features. Nothing, actually, just a dark outline staring at me though I couldn't stare back because there was nothing to stare at.

The shouts for help returned, but it was distant like the explosion. I couldn't make sense of anything, and when I closed my eyes to blink, I opened them to find debris washing over me all over again, flying in the air along with my body. It had to be the explosion, my memory returning.

This time, when I hit the wall, I woke with a start. My eyes snapped open, taking in the dark room and nightly blue hue casting over the ceiling and walls. I swallowed hard, finding my breath, and raised my hand to gently massage my forehead. An aching pain was shooting all over, forcing me to sit up as slowly as I could as to not wake up Wanda, who appeared to be fast asleep beside me.

I checked the clock beside her bed and saw it was closing on half three in the morning. I went to bed around nine, which was also when I last had my medication. Doctor Maya said I could have it every five to seven hours and when I got a severe headache.

"I guess this counts...," I mumbled to myself, before grabbing the medication and bottle of water beside the clock.

I downed the two tablets within seconds before sitting upright for a few more minutes, needing a moment to myself before attempting to get back to sleep.

"Y/N...? Are you up?"

I winced at the sound of Wanda's groggy voice, immediately feeling bad for waking her. I turned around and saw her rubbing her eyes with one hand whilst blinking away her fatigue.

"Just have a headache, don't worry," I reassured quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "You can go back to sleep."

"Do you need me to get you anything?" she asked, finally able to keep her eyes open long enough to meet my gaze with her cloudy green ones.

I smiled through my exhaustion. "I'm okay, love. I've had some medicine."

"Well, I can get you something to–" she began, trying to make a move to sit up, but I pushed her back down gently.

"I'm okay," I repeated sternly, before slipping back into bed beside her. Wrapping an arm around her torso, I said, "Get back to sleep."

She nodded tiredly, getting comfortable and pulling me closer to her. I felt her arm wrap around me as I snuggled closer, relaxing in her embrace.

"Wake me if something is wrong," she mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you, too," I returned, kissing the closest thing to me which was her chest. "Goodnight."

Admittedly, it was still difficult for me to fall back asleep. It must have been no longer than ten minutes when I heard Wanda's breathing and felt the gentle rise and fall of her chest beneath me – she'd fallen back asleep. I sighed, slightly jealous, but stayed close to her and tried not to think about my accident or my weird dream/nightmare. Eventually, slumber found me.

The next morning, I didn't exactly feel well-rested, but I didn't want to concern Wanda nor draw attention to it as I knew it was probably just a rough first night. Instead, I let myself get distracted with Wanda wanting to cook me breakfast.

I soon found myself in the kitchen, sitting at the island and watching Wanda cook some pancakes for us both with an endearing smile on my lips. She was still in her pyjamas like me, her red hair pulled into a messy ponytail as an afterthought, and she radiated beauty. Right there, I could only wish my future looked exactly like this.

My moment of admiration was interrupted when someone came into the kitchen, earning our attention. It was Sam, one of the Avengers and a colleague of Wanda's.

"Good morning, ladies," he greeted with a smile. Already dressed for the day ahead, he asked, "Do I smell pancakes?"

"They're for Y/N, so back off," Wanda said playfully, pointing her spatula at him threateningly.

He raised his hands with defeat as I chuckled.

"Relax, I've got a shake," he said, grabbing said protein shake from the fridge. "Enjoy your pancakes." He glanced to me, expression softening as he added, "And I hope you feel better, Y/N. I heard about your accident."

"Thank you, Sam," I said gratefully, noticing the way Wanda flinched at his words. "I'm already feeling better, so..."

"That's great," he said genuinely, before looking between us. "I'll catch you guys later."

We both waved our goodbyes to him as he left. I wanted to question what was up with Wanda just then, but as Sam left the kitchen, the door slammed shut and startled me more than I thought it would. The noise sounded so familiar, so loud, kind of like what I heard last night in my dream. It must have been the mine when it exploded, a ghost of a memory that was returning. But that didn't seem right. Why didn't that seem right?

"Hey, Y/N, you okay?" Wanda asked, and I looked up, only to notice she was now standing by my side and looking down at me with concern.

I licked my lips, nodding. "Yeah, sorry, I just... yeah. I'm fine."

Her eyes were swimming with doubt, but she chose to say nothing. Instead, to my relief, she pulled me close, giving me a quick hug which I appreciated. As my head rested against her chest, I tried to ignore the familiar striking pain travelling around my forehead.

—

It was two nights later when another strange dream plagued my sleep. Similar to last time, there was a strange combination of scenes that I was sure I remembered and scenes that made no sense. This time though, all that I could feel was a tenseness in my whole body, like I was in a frozen state and my mind and body couldn't communicate. I couldn't move, paralysed by... fear? Shock? Disbelief? I didn't know what it was, but I woke up in the same way.

I'd heard of sleep paralysis, even experienced it a few times without realising. I think this was one of those times, with my body frozen in bed beside Wanda, but I didn't know it at the time. It just felt like a horribly-real dream. The room was dark, the familiar, yet unsettling, nightly blue hue casting shadows on the wall. But on the ceiling, bright and terrifying scenes played out before me. An explosion. Debris. Screaming.

None of it made sense and all I could feel was shock, horrified at how I couldn't move a muscle even if I tried. I tilted my head, seeing the alarm clock glowing red in the dark, letting me know it was past midnight. To the left, I saw a sleeping Wanda, lost in her dreams and unable to help me. I wanted to get up, run my hands over my face, have some water, open a window, do something. But I couldn't move. All I could do was watch the nightmare dance across the ceiling as my heart struggled to beat regularly and my lungs struggled to get enough oxygen.

I didn't know how long I was stuck like that, tears brimming my eyes and body paralysed with fear. But it finally ended and I opened my eyes, only to find the ceiling blank and myself able to move. Reluctantly, I lifted my hand, wiping the tears from my cheeks. It was just a dream (or form of sleep paralysis in hindsight). It wasn't real. But God, it felt horribly terrifying.

Admittedly, I was scared to go back to sleep for fear it would occur again. So, my eyes stayed wide awake, burning with exhaustion, and I continued to stare at the shadows on the wall, feeling my heart pounding in my ears.

I must have fallen asleep again at some point, as I woke up the next morning to Wanda getting out of bed. Sitting up in bed, I looked around and found the fear of last night wearing off now that the room was bathed in the morning light. Still, I was more shaken than I thought.

Not wanting to draw attention to it though, I let the day go on as usual, deciding to appreciate the free time I had from work to spend with Wanda. We decided to go to the park for a walk – Wanda thought it would help get me out of the Tower and I was hoping the fresh air would give me some clarity and help me to recover.

Only, it did the opposite.

We were walking hand in hand, myself listening to Wanda as she chatted about something that happened in training. If I'm being honest, I wasn't really listening; my thoughts were preoccupied with the jumbled mess that was my mind. Glimpses of memories were dancing across my head, teasing me with elements of the truth I couldn't quite make out.

My eyes drifted around mindlessly, settling on a little girl playing by the swings with her parents. I didn't think much of it, but then the familiar shouts for help from my nightmare plagued my mind, making me flinch. The dark, looming shadow returned and I suddenly felt a headache coming on, the pressure against my brain making me nauseous.

I stopped abruptly, letting go of Wanda's hand. She stopped speaking, turning around and furrowing her brows with concern.

"Hey, Y/N, what's wrong?" she asked, and I winced, clutching my head to relieve the pain.

The wave of nausea left after a moment, but the headache remained. I heard Wanda repeat my name quietly, sensing my discomfort.

"I think I need to see Doctor Maya again," I finally found my words.

"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked, resting a hand on my cheek and tilting my head up to meet her eyes. "You can tell me."

Her eyes were reassuring, calming me in an instant. I wanted to tell her everything, but I didn't want to burden her with my anxieties, so I offered her a small smile.

"I just don't think my recovery is as straightforward as I thought," I settled. "She may be able to help."

Wanda chewed her lower lip, nodding slowly. Thankfully, she didn't question me anymore. Instead, she took me back to the Tower to see Doctor Maya. I was grateful as she waited with me for her to be free, until I had to convince her I'd be okay going in myself.

"Are you sure? I don't mind," she said, exchanging looks with Doctor Maya, who looked away quickly.

I glanced between them, mildly confused, but nodded to Wanda. "I'd rather go alone, Wanda. I'll be okay."

She nodded, squeezed my hands comfortingly, then let me go. When I headed into Doctor Maya's office, she took a seat behind her desk and motioned for me to sit before her.

"You said this was urgent," she spoke first, after I took a seat opposite. "Is everything okay?"

I licked my lips, looking down at my hand as it scratched the arm of the chair nervously. "No... not really."

After a moment of hesitation and partial embarrassment, since I knew this was only supposed to be a mild concussion that felt like so much more, I explained everything that happened to Doctor Maya. The odd dreams/nightmares, the headaches, the overlapping memories and sleep paralysis. As hard as it was to relive, I told her everything in hopes she had an answer that maybe I hadn't realised.

When I finished speaking, she looked distracted with her own thoughts. I waited patiently, watching as she nodded to herself before looking to me calmly.

"It doesn't seem like anything to worry about, truthfully," she said, which I didn't expect. "You suffered a mild concussion, yes, but it must have rattled you more than we thought. The dreams and trouble sleeping are a result of your headaches and returning memories. You do remember what happened, right?"

I nodded, though something felt incorrect. "I think so, yes. I was helping an agent when a mine went off. I was thrown back, covered in debris. Hit my head."

She hummed. "Yes... and you're taking your medication?"

Another nod. "Of course. I just want to get better. The sooner I do, the sooner I can return to work."

"Then it seems that your only opponent is stress and impatience," she said simply. "You need to relax. Keep taking your meds. Try not to worry about returning to work just yet. Focus on getting better. I can prescribe you some sleeping pills if you think that will help."

Sighing disappointedly, I nodded. I was expecting more to be honest, possibly an explanation. Her words made sense logically, but it still didn't feel right. Nonetheless, I didn't want to hold her up any longer, so I let her prescribe me some more medication before leaving. Maybe I'd give relaxing a shot.

—

"It's a meatball."

I stifled a laugh as I studied the oddly shaped ball of meat in Wanda's hand. "Is it?"

She narrowed her eyes playfully. "It is otherwise you're making your own meal."

I laughed, pressing a haste kiss to her cheek. "Okay, okay, it's a meatball. Add it to the tray."

We were cooking spaghetti and meatballs for dinner about six days after my incident out in the field. I was still staying with Wanda at the Tower, and I was taking Doctor Maya's advice with my recovery. I didn't worry myself with returning to work which, admittedly, helped out, and the sleeping pills knocked me out long enough to get a good sleep. Though, sometimes the nightmares would still return. I didn't think about them too much though, not wanting them to hinder my recovery. Instead, I focused on getting better with my very supportive girlfriend by my side.

Wanda added the meatball to the baking tray, alongside the others, but as she reached to form another one from the bowl full of minced meat, she accidentally knocked it to the floor. The meat splattered across the tiles, making her gasp.

"Shit," she cursed, eyes widening slightly.

"Very clever," I teased with a smile.

"Let me just–"

"I got it," I cut her off, already bending to clear it up. "Just put the tray in the oven, yeah? Try not to drop it."

"Ha-ha, very funny."

I looked up in time to see her rolling her eyes playfully, but she grabbed the tray as I said.

I kneeled down, scooping the meat up and throwing it in the bowl, knowing it would have to go in the bin now. As I did, I realised how familiar the meat looked. Pink and flesh-like, covering my hands and sticking to me. Suddenly, my hands were shaking, the fleshy bits surrounded by blood, and I tried to blink away the sight, expecting to just see minced meat, but I couldn't. They were covered in what I somehow knew was the flesh of body parts.

Startled, I fell back onto my butt, my back hitting the drawer behind me and pulling me from my daydream. Wanda looked down at me with confusion, before sensing something was wrong and leaning down beside me. She rested a hand on my head, thumb stroking my forehead.

"What's wrong?" she asked, confused eyes staring between me and my hands which were still shaking. She grabbed the tea towel from the counter above us before wiping my hands for me and holding them. "Y/N. This has happened a few times. Please tell me what happened."

I was still shaken, unsure why there was a discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I risked glancing at my hands, which were clean and no longer covered in human fle– I mean, meat.

"I don't know what's going on," I finally admitted to her, shaking my head. "It's like my thoughts aren't my own. I can't control them. I just keep seeing stuff that isn't real."

She frowned, eyes peering through mine patiently.

"I still can't remember what happened with the mine," I said, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "It's like, I know what happened and I know it's real, but when I try to remember, it just doesn't happen quite right. The picture doesn't appear. And I don't know why."

She pressed her lips together, jaw clenching slightly. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but her eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"What did the doctor say?" she asked lowly.

I sighed, the discomfort still lining my stomach. "She thinks I just need time."

Wanda nodded, finally lifting her gaze. "Maybe she's right."

I knitted my brows together with frustration, nudging her away and standing up. "I don't need time! I'm a doctor, too. I know it shouldn't take this long. It was a mild concussion. I've treated hundreds of those."

"Y/N–"

"Just forget it," I said with exasperation, pulling away from her as she tried to reach out again. I knew it was uncalled for, taking it out on her for no reason, but I was too frustrated with the situation to care. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk."

She sighed from behind me, running a hand through her hair. I left her in the kitchen, suddenly not in the mood to eat. Clearly all of Doctor Maya's advice wasn't working – what I was experiencing wasn't normal. I needed to see her again.

So, after cleaning my hands properly and having a walk around the Tower to clear my head (as expected, it didn't work), I headed to Doctor Maya's office, hoping she was still in work today. To my surprise, when I reached her office, I saw her door was slightly ajar and she was already speaking to someone. My intention wasn't to eavesdrop, but when I heard my name said in a hushed whisper from a familiar voice, I knew I had to stay.

"...can't say anything," Wanda finished. "She'll get better."

Doctor Maya sounded frustrated. "It's not right, Miss Maximoff. This is against everything I stand for. Against everything Y/N stands for, too, I'm sure."

"This is for her benefit," Wanda snapped, before taking a deep breath. "Look, she can't handle the truth. It'll break her... I haven't worked out the kinks, but it'll be okay. She'll get better."

What the hell were they talking about? What truth could I not handle? Wanda and the doctor were in on something together, something they didn't want me to know... and it was something to do with why I was feeling like how I was. I knew I wasn't going insane – something was wrong!

I left them to it with plans of seeing the doctor afterwards, not wanting to get caught, and tried to wrap my head around the fact that Wanda had been keeping something from me this whole time. How could she? I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I thought that we could trust each other.

What was she hiding?

[joansiefics]

I Actually Just Want To Sleep

NATASHA ROMANOFF X READER

SUMMARY: You have been training with Natasha for weeks on end. She is harsh in training and you barely have time to take a break. So one day it all gets to much for you to handle and you pass out, but luckily someone is there to catch you.

WARNINGS: Fainting, Fighting, Malnourishment

After a long, tiring day at school the bell finally rang making all the students bundle out of the classes, with teachers still trying to get in a few last words before everyone disappears through the doors to freedom. You stood up from your chair and bid your farewell to the teacher as you left class and started your 15 minute walk home.

It was a habit of yours to play your music on full blast through your earphones when you undertook the walk home to take your mind of things - from your day at school to the assignments and homework that awaits you at home. You just barely started listening to 'Nurse's Office by Melanie Martinez' when an uncomfortable feeling made its appearance. You didn't stop listening to your music but you were more aware of your surroundings. Goosebumps were now evident on your skin, but you couldn't make up your mind if it was from the chilly, winter breeze hitting your skin and blowing through your hair or from someone's eyes boring into the back of your skull. You shrugged of the second thought, trying to stop your paranoia.

You started humming to the next song 'Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots' when a large, coarse hand grasped your shoulder and pulled you backwards, making you lose your balance. You quickly got back on your feet and put up a good fight, one that the man was definitely not expecting which gave you the upper hand. You threw a few punches his way and dodged a few of his, but your last punch knocked all consciousness out of him and he went tumbling to the ground.

You picked up your now cracked phone and straightened yourself up a bit to continue your walk home, unfazed by the fight, when you felt another hand touch your shoulder. This hand was smaller and more gentle than the previous one, but your adrenaline was still coursing your veins and you grabbed the hand, sending the person with a twist of their arm over to the ground. "What the heck do you all want with me!!!?" You yelled out of frustration "I just want to go home, finish my damn homework and sleep, is that to much to ask?!" You don't know why you just asked your attacker this, but you couldn't keep the pent up stress and anger in anymore.

"Are you okay?" The person you flipped to ground asked with a hoarse voice and a following groan as they pushed themselves to get of the ground and brushed of the dirt form their clothes. "Why are asking me if I'm okay, you're the one that was laying on the ground?" You ask very confused at what is happening. "I saw the guy attack you, I was just to late to help you take him down, but I see you took care of him very well" The person says gesturing towards the still unconscious man on the ground. "So you didn't want to attack me?" You ask raising your eyebrow at the person "No, not at all..." There is an awkward silence between the two of you before you introduce yourself, having made up your mind to trust the person: "Y/N...Y/N Y/L/N" you say putting your hand out for the person to shake "Natasha Romanoff" she shakes your hand.

"You really have skill Y/N,  I mean you just flipped and ex-assassin and current Avenger to the ground without even a bit of struggle" Natasha laughs "Ummm... thank you?" You say not knowing how to respond to this compliment, a compliment that no one has ever given you. "Do you maybe want to come back to the Avengers tower with me and I can introduce you to everyone?" She offers politely "Umm, yeah... sure" You mentally scold yourself for being so awkward.

It was a peaceful walk through alley crannies and idle parts of the town to the tower, but you enjoyed the calm feeling. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get your skills Y/N?" Natasha curiously asked, but not wanting to invade your personal space "I just watched some self defence videos online and practiced them for rare occasions like today" You answer her question.  After a few more minutes of walking you arrive at the tower and enter the building "Here we are" Natasha says breaking the comfortable silence.

You were marvelled by the perfectly planned and designed architecture and interior design and let your eyes roam until Natasha cleared her throat to get your attention. "Y/N, I want you to meet the Avengers: Tony, Bruce, Thor, Wanda, Peter, Bucky, Steve and Hawkeye" She introduces while pointing to each and every one of them. You flushed with embarrassment and shyness as everyone greeted you, you didn't even notice them until Natasha cleared her throat. They already think I'm weird you think.

"So I wanted to introduce her to all of you, because you wouldn't believe the story I'm about to tell you if I didn't bring the key witness." Natasha smirked, knowing that she pricked their curiosity. "Well Y/N over here was being attacked by some old creep-" Before she could continue Steve interrupted her "Is she okay?" he directs the question to Natasha, then he looks at you "Are you okay, are you hurt?" He askes caringly. "I'm fine, thanks?" You say, still unsure why everyone is making it such a big deal. Natasha gives Steve a daring look, one telling him to shut his mouth for the rest of the story or he won't see dawn, before she continues: "So as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted... Y/N was attacked. I saw the fight and was on my way to go help her, but she knocked him unconscious before I could get there. I just wanted to make sure that she was alright before I left and I approached her form behind and tapped her shoulder. She caught me off guard and flipped me to the ground as well..." she took a small pause before exaggerating her statement "SHE flipped ME!!!"

Everyone wore a look of shock on their face now, which confused you even more "Why is everyone making such a big deal out of this?" You ask, not able to control your ignorance any longer. "Do you know what you did?" Tony asks "Did I do something wrong?" You ask still not catching the drift. "No, no, no, no, not at all... you just, ummm... well you flipped an ex-assassin, not many people are able to do that" Tony answers with a proud smile, even though he just met you, you made him proud. "What would you say to being an intern at the tower and train with us and then when you're ready, you can become one of us, you can become an Avenger?" Tony asks. This question definitely caught you off guard and you were gawking at him in surprise and excitement at the same time "Uhh, ye...yeah, sure....I would, ummm.. I'd ummm love...that" you manage to croak out. "Great, you start tomorrow after school" Tony says as he leaves the room and the rest of the team, except Natasha, follows after him.

The next day after school, Natasha came to pick you up and took you to the tower. You went up to the training room and once again took in all your surroundings. All of this felt like a dream to you, you couldn't believe that the Avengers wanted to train YOU. "You can get dressed into your training clothes in there and then we can start with your first training." Natasha said as she directed you to the bathroom.

The first training was something to experience. You were tossed from one side to another, making your head spin, you were punched and kicked and bent into awkward and uncomfortable positions - if this was the first training, you didn't even want to know how the next one, or the one after that, or the one after that would turn out. When you returned home, exhausted and sweaty you took a shower and immediately started on your homework and assignments that had to be done the next day, you were so busy that you even forgot to eat something and barely got some sleep.

Your days continued like this for at least a month. Your brutal training sessions included 4 hours of training directly after school, then one break of 10 minutes to eat, drink and catch a breath and another grueling 3 hours of training. By the time you got home it was nearly 21:30 and then you still had to complete all of your homework and assignments. By the time you were ready for bed it was 02:00 in the morning and you would get three and a half hours of sleep, before the next cycle of exhaustion started.

But the end of this routine was in sight, you just didn't know it yet. You were currently in your third hour of training with Natasha for the day and to say you were tired would have been an understatement. You couldn't dodge any of her punches, grab any of her kicks or maneuver yourself out of the death grips she held you in. "You're slacking" Natasha said sternly but yet concern covering her features. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just really tired, but we should keep going, my break is in an hour, then I can rest" You said, not wanting to sound weak. You were given this internship and you were not going to disappoint Tony for giving you the spot. Surely if you had told Natasha about your lack of sleep and little eating she would have given you more breaks and less hours of training, but you never told her and that is why you were in this never ending cycle of enervation.

"Y/N, you should go home and sleep, we can continue tomorrow" Natasha spoke. "No, I'm fine, I can do this...please" You almost begged. The proposal of Natasha sounded so welcoming, but you couldn't stop now, you had to keep on training, you had to prove to them that you are worthy of being an Avenger. Natasha gave in and you both got into your fighting stances and you began training again. No matter how hard you tried to concentrate on dodging the punches, you just couldn't and one last medium blow to your jaw sealed the deal.

Your vision went form clear to blurry, decorated in black spots dancing in your eyesight. A wave of nausea hit you harder than a punch from the strongest super soldier. You could vaguely hear Natasha calling your name, almost as if you were underwater, before the earth started slipping from underneath you, though the fall didn't come. Your mentor, friend and motherly figure, Natasha, caught you in her arms milliseconds before your skull collided with the earth's lithosphere. Maybe she called your name again, but you didn't know. You were in good hands and let the unconsciousness consume you.

After you fainted, Natasha ordered FRIDAY to notify Bruce to get to the infirmary and rushed with you still tight in her arms to Bruce. Once she got there and put you on the hospital bed she told Bruce everything she knew: "We were training, but she wasn't dodging any of my punches or blocking my kicks so I told her she's slacking and she just told me that she's really tired. Then I told her to go home, but she wanted to keep on training and the next I know she starts falling to the ground" Natasha says trying to get her breath back. "Did she hit her head?" Bruce asks, concern of a concussion crossing his mind "No, I caught her right before she hit the ground" Natasha says with a proudness in her voice. "Okay, I'll stabilize her and then I'll do a few test on her to see if there are any other factors aside from tiredness that could have caused it." Bruce said getting to work.

Why is it so bright? When did I change my alarm sound? Am I even in my bed right now? These thoughts were all crossing your mind when you first got your consciousness back. The bright fluorescent lights were making it near impossible for you to open your eyes and you could only get as far as a squint before closing your eyes again. After a few more minutes your slowly open your eyes again trying to grow accustomed to the brightness. You let out a groan when you finally open your eyes fully and see that you are hooked up to all sorts of tubes and a heart monitor

"You're awake" Bruce says in a cheery tone, happiness apparent on his face. "What happened?" You croak out from your parched throat, furrowing your brows as you try to remember how you ended up in the infirmary. "You passed out while training with Natasha" Bruce answers, but the look on his face tells you that he wants to ask you something but he's to afraid to hear the answer. "There's something you're not telling me" You say, slightly scared at what he might say What if they don't want me as an intern anymore... "I promise I'll get back to training as soon as possible, please just don't take the internship away from me" You ramble quickly. "Is that why you haven't been eating or sleeping enough? Are you afraid that we won't like you or take the internship from you?" Bruce asks concerned

"No, well kinda yes....but no." You answer not sure how to approach the doctor in front of you "I'm going to need more than that Y/N" Bruce says, arms crossed over his chest. Just before you can start explaining Natasha walks into the room. The moment she sees you awake she rushes to your side and gives you a warm, comforting hug, but careful enough to not rip any tubes from your skin. "I'm so glad you're awake, how are you feeling?" She asks. She would never show this side - the soft side - of her to anyone, but you brought out the best in her. "I'm a bit tired, but I don't have any pain" You say. "She was just about to tell me why she hasn't been eating enough, but now that you're here and you're her trainer, she can tell both of us" Bruce says giving you a stern, disapproving look.

"It's not that I wanted to starve myself, I just didn't have time to eat." Natasha makes herself comfortable on the foot of your bed as you continue "Since I started with the internship I haven't had the best routine. I would wake up at 05:30 in the mornings to get ready for school, after school I would come here and immediately start training, then in my 10 minute break I would eat something for the first time that day, then get back to training. Then when I got home, I would take a shower and start with my homework and assignments, usually I'd finish at about 01:50 in the mornings and then I would brush my teeth and go to bed."

"Why didn't you say something Y/N? I could've changed your training schedule for you" Natasha says "I didn't want you guys to think that I couldn't handle all this and then I would never be able to become an Avenger" You say out of defeat "We already know you can handle all of this, what's important now is that you focus on living healthy once again, okay?" Bruce asks "Okay... thank you guys"

[noxiatoxia]

hi its me the dead anon and i would like to share that maybe 2 nights ago i was up rlly late. and i was figuring out what i was going to write back to ur last response to my other ask when i got really tired

in my strange sleep deprived state i was hit with 'inspiration' and opened google docs. within a matter of a couple hours, from 1-2 am, i wrote a pages long fic where kaoru kills himself and hikaru was so upset and made myself cry so hard i passed out.

when i woke up i looked at it and it really wasn't that good?? but at the same time it was and it made me cry again so. theres that. if you were wondering what ive been doing instead of responding

anyway very sorry about dying. ive really wanted to send u asks but ive been stressed out so im not great at coming up with hcs. very uninspired (besides my weird kaoru suicide fic but. yk)

maybe this says something about my current mental state. maybe not. idk

NOOOOOOOOO HAHSJSOKDFJ I SHOULDNT LAUGH BUT THE IDEA YOU WOKE UP FROM A HALF AWAKE DAZE AND WERE LIKE "FUCK I GOTTA WRITE KAORU KILLING HIMSELF" CRIED, THEN PASSED OUT IS SUCH A FUNNY MENTAL IMAGE.

But like I GET IT!!! same shit happens to me. I'm about to sleep but inspo STRIKES and I HAVE to get it on paper. It actually happened last night... Idk if I'll turn the idea into a full fic I'll post but it was a comedic concept nonetheless

The idea of one of the twins dying always kills me bc it's like... SO fucking sad.... the heartbreak is too much for me... i like happy endings... But like, I get it. Sometimes you just gotta write super depressing stuff. I have before.

The idea tho of one of the twins having a nightmare abt the other dying... Oughh. Like some super vivid nighmare that has one of them bolting up in bed panting on the verge of tears, immediately seeking the other twin and hurriedly waking them up to make sure they're still alive.

Like for example, maybe Hikaru waking up a month after Kaoru had his really bad depressive episode that scared the shit out of him. In his nightmare though...things don't have such a happy ending. And Kaoru does what he worried so much about every night in that dream, and he loses his little brother, and it feels so real.

Hikaru wakes up with a really startled jolt and is on the verge of a panic attack. His first immediate course of action is to turn around and nearly shake Kaoru off the bed, panickedly saying his name.

Kaoru of course wakes up sleepy and confused, barely awake as Hikaru begins to squeeze the air out of him with a bear hug. He's mumbling some things Kaoru can't piece together in his tired state, but Kaoru can tell he's really upset...so he just holds Hikaru and sleepily mumbles some reassuring things to him, and it does make Hikaru feel better, just to hear him alive and well...

Also since I'm a sucker for close physical affection between the twins I like to think Hikaru sometimes kisses Kaoru on the cheek. He did it more when they were younger, but he still does it I think under special occasions. I think this would be one of them... He was just so broken up in his dream and it scared him so so badly, so as Kaoru is stroking his hair lazily and sleepily murmuring reassurances to him, Hikaru sniffling as he's trying NOT to burst into tears, he kisses Kaoru on the cheek. Kaoru makes a small confused noise because he isn't expecting it, but he gives Hikaru a kiss back. He basically ends up passing out after that bc he's barely awake as is but Hikaru stays up long after that, holding Kaoru and just listening to his steady, deep breaths and resting heartbeat. Just taking in the fact his brother is still here and alive.

He eventually falls asleep once dawn begins to filter through the curtains.

Also it's okay for not sending asks!!! Life is tough and busy. Your health & happiness is far more important!!! I really love your hikakao and ouran asks in general they are my day's highlight. But I'm here if you just want to send general asks about whatever :) DMs are always open too!

[cottoncandy-jester]

✨Lie down darling, it's Time for a dream..✨

Love kills(karasuno team x male reader)

Reader is a male

Sorry it's crappy-

This was supposed to bey very first story like I finished it and all but after rereading it I deemed it trash and let it sit here

Figured I should post it even if it's awful

Not sure if there will be a part two maybe if a lot of peeps like it I'll do it

This story contains: very light yandere behavior like a sprinkle, sick reader, poly relationship

You always loved volleyball, your family used to play with you when you were younger. so when your family moved and you had to go to karasuno high your first objective was to join the volleyball team. That's how you got into the predicament you're in now, a member of the team as the second libero. You actually enjoyed your time there but each day was hell for one reason, you were sick

It was as if your body was just too weak to do anything intense especially volleyball, everytime your heart raced awful things would happen. You kept this a secret for a while now even begging coach ukai to let you stay on the team which he for some reason allowed, the others thankfully didn't know thanks to you being secretive though they did notice how you would leave practice early and how you got tired quick.

They had to find out one day and today was that day. You sat on the bus next to a sleeping tanaka who used your shoulder as a pillow. Him and noshinoya bickered over who sat next to you and it seems nishinoya lost that battle so tanaka now used you as a pillow while the libero watched with fuming anger.

You were unaware of the feelings the team felt for you but there was apparently a system when it came to you, a turn based system with rules but of course you didn't know any of this. You glanced at tanaka before a small chuckle escaped your lips, this cause every awake team member to stop what they were doing and turn to look at you. Some had looks of jealously while others shared looks of pure love in their eyes.

you were their good luck charm, their shining star. It started with coach Ukai realizing just how clumsy some of the boys got around you when you spoke to someone else not only that but more fights seemed to spiral around you or about you. After some simple thinking he came up with the answer to his question, so after a long and stress relieving smoke break he forced the team to figure out a solution or no one was playing so of course they quickly figured out what to do, daichi set up a system and suggested to sharing which everyone agreed with fear of losing you and volleyball.

"oi [Y/n], you have fun staring at me ya creep?"

You snapped out of your daydream only to see Tanaka awake and grinning at you, you noticed how close your faces were so you quickly pulled back with a flustered expression.

"h..huh?! I wasn't staring!" You snapped back only to hear the male's loud laughing before a string of teasing came. When tanaka teased it always made you flustered, the male wrapped an arm around your neck before yanking you close and making a goofy kissy face to you.

"whaaat you were totally staring! What did ya wanna kiss me?! Pfft come onnn you can kiss me! Kissy kissy!" His cooing and leaning in made you internally scream as your heart started to beat faster which in turn made it hurt so you gritted your teeth in pain.

Thankfully sugawara came to your rescue by pulling you out your seat and close to his side. He gave tanaka a light glare before turning to you and smiling, It was only now that you realized the bus had stopped and the door opened.

"dont bully him tanaka, you know [Y/n] gets all red! He's already a blushing mess cause of you" sugawara said in a scolding tone but it only made you to cover your face with your hands as you groaned, they were both demons, handsome demons.

After daichi demanded the [y/n] bullying stops you all get off the bus only to walk towards the nekoma court. You were actually nervous since this was your first time practicing with another team. You walked into the gym and jumped when some weird looking black haired male walked towards you. Out of habit you looked for somewhere to hide so you used asahi as a meat shield, the poor guy turned into a mess when he felt your hands gripping the back of his shirt while hiding behind him

"w-w-w-what are ya doing!?" The tall male yelped out in which you pointed towards the odd rooster looking male like a small child. Asahi gulped as he tried to not freak out at the feeling of being so close to you, you choose him to hide behind! This made him more confident and he even puffed his chest out a little with pride.

"oh that's kuroo, he's Nekoma captain and very harmless I promise" asahi's warm tone made you nervously smile before you walked out from behind him now standing by his side. This led to glares to asahi from other members especially tsukishima since it seems like you avoid the male like he was some weird monster.

"whose this? Didnt know you guys babysit, you lost there baby bird?" kuroo's sly cooing made anger and embarrassment bubble in you but before you can respond hinata took that chance to. He quickly stole you from asahi before putting his hands around your waist and showing you off like some shiny toy

"this is [Y/N]! He's the best! He can save like any ball! Like no ball touches the ground when he's around! We are gonna kick your butts thanks to him!" Hinata's shimmering praise made you blush as you kept your head down but you felt a hand petting your head so you looked up only to see kageyama at your other side.

"yeah..what the shrimp said. We are gonna win thanks to our mascot, right bunny?" you couldn't help but glare at kageyama who simply shot you a grin. You were given the nickname cause you seem to be shy and quick to scamper off like one, plus it was agreed upon by the others.

After everyone came in and greeted each other the match was starting to get ready. You were already so nervous but you let out a shaky breath as you stood near the back while trying not to freak out. You knew something felt wrong but coach Ukai said that this match was important to test your progress so you definitely weren't gonna miss it, you were way too stubborn to give up a match until it was over so there was no way you were missing this just cause of small chest pain.

"KICK SOME ASS [Y/N]!"

You looked to the sidelines only to see a pumped up nishinoya. He always loved seeing you play and didn't mind if he had to sit out so you can have your spotlight cause in his eyes you deserve it.

You have back a nervous thumbs up before hearing the match start. Your eyes were focused on the match as you got serious and far less nervous. You watched as hinata did one of his spikes only for it to bounce back. You gasped before running to save the ball, you slid onto the floor and bounced the ball back up before a sharp pain hit you. You held back a growl of pain before getting up and smiling as the ball bounced around from person to person

Your chest felt heavy though and you could feel your hearing going fuzzy. You looked around and shook your head, focus!

You saw an opening and gave a grin as you watched hinata slam the ball through. You laughed as you watched him get excited "nice one hinata!" You cheer out before hearing tsukishima mumbled out a snarky remark.

"only complimenting him? Kinda selfish eh?" This confused you but you figured he just wanted attention so you went and patted tsukishima on the back before giving a grin to him

"hey don't be grump we got that point together!" Your grin only made the male turn his head away and give a light scowl before shoving you back a little.

"I don't need your dumb pity words" you expected this from him but it still hurt both emotionally and physically since he just had to push you from the center of your chest. You felt something hit the back of your throat and you covered your mouth with your hand, you felt a hand on your shoulder and looked at daichi who gave you a worried look

"you need to use the bathroom? We can call a timeout"

his worried tone made you rapidly shake your head before simply rubbing your hands against your shorts

"no, let's keep going I'm just a little dizzy from all the running"

it wasn't like you weren't telling the truth it's just you didn't spill the whole truth.

You knew he wanted to press you more about it but probably after the game. As the game kept going you were running trying to indeed save every ball you could just like hinata bragged, you could say this was your speciality but everyone has their limits.

The match was in its last set and you all needed just one point to win so while everyone was tired they weren't breathing as heavily as you.

You let out a shaky breath as your eyes focused on the ball but everything was going fuzzy, your eyes were dull and glazed over not to mention your body felt like it was just gonna drop.

The ball was coming! You had to save it! They were counting on you! They needed you! In that moment you didn't care about your weak body or hurting yourself all that mattered was the team and the ball. You sucked in a sharp breath before running and saving the ball only to once again feel an overwhelming pain, but you did it.

You wheezed as you sat there on your hands and knees with your head down facing the ground. As you forced yourself up you were shaking so badly, the others were so focused that they didn't quite see the state you were in.

You covered your mouth to cough only to feel something come up, your winced before looking at your hand and the crimson red stained your palm as well as drip down your chin. That's it, you were done you couldn't push yourself any further.

You kept coughing harshly which gained the attention of every person in the room. As you dropped to one knee you could hear voices calling your name, but it felt all fuzzy now as you slowly fainted and the world faded to black.