#and I'm so fucking excited to have someone that i can be excited about who is just as excited about me
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It's also one of the absolute best ways to find MORE fic that will scratch whatever itch brought you to that author in the first place. Because if you click on an author (using one of my faves to demonstrate),
To go to their page,
You can click on this link here,
To find OTHER WORKS THAT AUTHOR ENJOYED READING.
I'm so fucking serious: this is like a Wikipedia rabbit hole but for fanfiction. Many of my absolute favourite fics or writers are ones I discovered by investigating what my current faves are reading and liking well enough to bookmark.
This isn't foolproof obviously. Not everyone uses bookmarks, many people make their bookmarks privately, but if you're stymied by the absolute glut of fic in your favourite tags and want to find something new to read, it's such an amazing place to start. Consider:
If you're finicky about writing style or quality, odds are your favorite fic writer is bookmarking works that jive with their own sensibilities.
You like how they write particular dynamics or tropes or kinks? They probably have their own favorites in those categories. Same goes for motifs or themes.
You want to know what other fandoms might be inspiring them, where you might find content you enjoy as well? Explore what fandoms they are reading fic for, and maybe discover something new! (Case in point; I first learned about Victoria Goddard's books specifically from exploring what @ariaste was reading, and now I LOVE THEM.)
Some tags for fandoms or pairings have tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of fics. Relying only on kudos or bookmark counts to sort through them all isn't a guaranteed way of finding your next fave fic, but washing through years or even decades of stories isn't necessarily feasible. This can also be a fantastic way to uncover hidden or forgotten gems and show older fics some love. You wanna know how you get authors gushing with excitement about someone commenting on their fic from 2007 that they thought had been entirely subsumed by the influx of reboot fans? You follow the rabbit hole!
It's not creepy. It's not stalking. It's not even weird. Users can make their bookmarks private if they choose to, or just bookmark through other means. Looking through what your faves loved enough to save for later is such a great way to replicate the old Internet communities of webrings and message boards, of making recommendations to one another.
And then, don't forget to make your own bookmarks--because you can also go down these rabbit holes by taking a look at who bookmarked that fic you love so much, and seeing what else THEY'VE liked enough to save; and people can do the same with you.
I am incredibly serious right now when I beg you all, please, and if you have Twitter or Tiktok or whatever to please spread the word: click on an author's profile on Ao3.
You want to know if an author has written more? Want to know if they're still writing? Want to see more from them? Want to know if they've written a trope or kink or sex scenario you enjoy?
Click on their name. And look at their profile.
I cannot tell you how many times in the last six months someone has read a new or newer fic of mine and said they (a new reader who has read nothing else I've done) "can't wait to see what you do next!" I've written 50+ fics and over a million words already.
"I don't know if you're still writing..." click on my profile. I am. I literally wrote a 128k+ fic for that ship last month.
"Would you ever do X?" "Please do Y!" I already did. Click on my name and look at my works.
Archive of our Own is a library. It's an archive. Not social media. It is your responsibility to fight back against the laziness that corporate algorithms have trained into you.
Click my author name. Just click it. Just click it.
Before you demand more, or ask if a writer will do XYZ, or wonder if the author still writing, or anything - click on their profile. Click on the author's profile.
I'm not trying to be mean or condescending or anything like that. I'm just exhausted. It's disheartening and frustrating to repeat myself ad nauseam, because someone couldn't take thirty seconds to do the tiniest bit of work to see if I've written lately, if I've written more for their ship, or scan my works to see if I've written what they're asking for. Please. Please. I'm begging.
Click the author's name, and explore before you ask.
#fandom culture#also ariaste sorry for using you as an example it just felt weirdly self aggrandizing to use myself as an example?
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oooooh for your 1K celebration could i request scenario 133 with jack hughes pretty pls and thank you :)
Thank you for requesting <3
SCENARIO #133 Bffs 'practising'
📞 dialling…
“Are you kidding?” Jack asked in surprise, eyes almost burst straight out of his head, pushing off his headboard to lean closer to y/n opposite him on his bed.
“Jack, stop, it's so embarrassing.” She hushed urgently, hoping Luke couldn’t hear anything from the room next door. Heat flushed to her neck, and she buried her face in her hands. “People didn't like me like that, okay?”
He leant back again, jaw agape and mind trying to process the information. Out of all the years they’d known each other, he couldn’t comprehend how he didn't know she’d never been kissed before or how he never knew about it. What rattled him the most was that he knew guys who would have gone through the trenches for y/n back in high school, yet nothing ever came of it. His ride or die, y/n? Never been kissed?
He pushed his hair off his forehead, the locks getting longer just the way he knew she liked it, “But college? You're saying you did three years of college and nothing? I'm finding it hard to believe that someone as pretty and cool as you had nobody who wanted to kiss you, sweets.”
Her hands fell to her lap, fiddling with the ends of her pyjama bottoms, stomach flipping anxiously at all the two memories of when she almost had a kiss, but could never bring herself to go through with it. It just didn’t feel…right.
“Ah, well, my friends were more approachable, I guess. I don't even know what the fuck to do anyway, like how do you even make-out?” She chuckled, peering up to give him a quizzed look.
Jack didn’t need to think, didn’t need to hesitate, the first thought that came to mind hit him like a brick and was a risk he was willing to take, the tightness and excitement in his chest needed relief or he would end up facing the anguish of not taking the risk.
“I can teach you.” He said, quickly with his unwavering confidence across his lips, eyes flickering to her lips. “For real, I'll teach you how to kiss. Come on, it'll be fun and it's just me. You know I won't tease you.”
“You don’t have to, J. Honestly, you don’t have to pity me.”
“It’s all good, sweets. I’ve got you, c’mere.” He patted his thigh twice, inviting her in with a confident grin on his face. She wasn’t sure if he was confident or finding amusement in the whole thing.
She exhaled, crawling towards him and straddling his lap, the new position sparking a funny excitement in her stomach, heat surging over her body. His hands held her hips, firm but not bruising, enough to reassure her that, he was sure. Y/n’s breath fell shaky, she’d been face to face with him before but not in that position, where his thumbs rubbed her hipbones gently and her hands wound around his shoulders.
“Don’t be nervous, princess,” he murmured, “tilt your head to the left and follow my lead.”
She did, closing the space between them. He pressed his lips to hers tenderly, slotting perfectly. In those brief, six seconds it felt as if the world burst into colours around her, butterflies swarming around her stomach and finally understanding how addicting it was to taste another. Without much thought, she slid her hand to his nape, pulling a groan from Jack’s throat.
Y/n pulled away, lips still parted but eyes searching his for any speck of mutual desire that washed through her, hands still holding each other but she felt his fingers sneak under her t-shirt with feathery touches.
“Do…do you normally make noises like that when you kiss girls?” she asked quietly, a wild glint in her eyes, one that Jack struggled to contain himself over. He shook his head honestly, hands slithering further under her shirt but doing nothing but running his hands over her waist. “J, I think I wanna make-out with you.”
His lips quirked up in the corners and he licked his lips, “Me too. It’s gonna feel weird, but move your tongue against mine, just follow my lead, ‘kay?”
She nodded, eyes fluttering closed and leaning into him. He pressed his mouth to hers again, swiping his tongue over her bottom lip, feeling her open cautiously before sliding his tongue further. Jack was right, not that she didn’t believe him but his tongue finding hers and lapping against it was alien, yet she followed him. His hand moved up her back, the other arm still wrapped around her waist and keeping her secure to his body, lips moving in a slow rhythm, his chest fizzling at the little moans emitting from her shamelessly as they licked into each other. For someone who’d never made out with anyone before, she learned fast, ignoring the saliva drooling from the corners of mouths.
Jack hummed when she looped her other arm around his shoulder’s tighter, unknowingly rolling her hips into his crotch, their rhythm becoming hungrier, hotter and heavier until they had to pull back, gasping for air.
Jack rested his forehead against hers, the pair falling into giggles. Twirling a strand of his hair around her finger, she smiled. “How was I?”
“Good, but I think we’re gonna have to go again just so I can be sure.”
He rolled them onto their sides, Jack propped up by his elbow with y/n tucked underneath him, kissing her hard with his hand soothing over her waist and hiking her t-shirt to her ribs. She moaned into him with a slight smile to her lips, one hand tucking his hair away from his face meanwhile her arm held onto his shoulders. Love, lust, hunger and comfort during three separate kisses, yet three attempts at showing how deep down they knew they were meant for each other.
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fight the future part 1
AHHHHH, i’m so EXCITEDDDD!!!
it usually takes me an hour and a half to write up my initial thoughts on a 45 minute episode, PLUS more time to edit them before posting, so this 2 hour movie is probably going to take all night LMAOOOO
but after having some brief troubles with my laptop’s DVD player, here we are!!!! i cannot wait!!! i’m so excited!! everyone has really hyped this up. but i read the back of the DVD and it didn’t mention gibson at all? so are we just pushing that to the side for now?
okay. yeah. i’ll have to not worry about that little boy.
oh, and yeah, i'm watching it on a DVD! the quality is... not great. which i suppose adds to the immersion.
post-movie thoughts: i can see shrimp colors and feel their secret emotions.
let’s GOOOOO!
theme music playing……………….. over some oily looking stuff…. YEAH BABY!!!!!
we are in a blizzard. two figures run. wait, it’s texas? oh, it’s ancient texas. a very different time from now.
let us enter a cave together, where we can start a fire and rest. and look around with torches. deeper and deeper into this labyrinth journey the cavemen. it looks like skyrim. i half expect a skeever to jump out
wah! who is this in the ice?
ALIEN ATTACK??? what is going on? alien vs cavemen! place your bets!!! one caveman down!!! the alien escaped?? other caveman wants to know where tf it went!
i get the sense a jumpscare is coming. WHAT IS THAT THING??? it looks like a flounder??????? surviving caveman stabs it and it bleeds. OHHH.... IS THAT THE BLACK OIL STUFF???? YEAH, it is!!! and it crawls all over the caveman!!!!
wahhhh!!! abrupt jump cut to a boy named stevie falling into a cave. stevie, there may be monsters afoot, please be careful. stevie wants this skull for himself. please alert any local archaeologists of this find instead of stealing it or its historical context will forever be lost to time. NO STEVIE! the goop!!!!! it is upon him!!!
maybe this is what he gets for trying to steal archaeological remains. take notes, children. a lesson was learned today.
it crawls up his legs like evil slugs!!!! and into his eyeballs!! the other kids run!!!
they abandoned stevie in his hour of need… personally, i would not forgive them for this
some yellow firetrucks are here to save the day (and who has ever seen a yellow firetruck?). go, fetch stevie. the fireman up top can’t hear the ones down in the cave through the radio!!!
now, what is this helicopter doing at the scene? they bring out a pod-thing to store stevie in. and this other guy (later revealed to be named bronschweig- simply too many german names on this show) is watching the boy with grave concern.
THIS DUDE LEAVES THE FIREMEN DOWN THERE TO DIE?????
absolutely DIABOLICAL.
a ton more trucks pull in and block off the area while the doctor bronschweig guy calls someone to say that…. the impossible scenario that they never planned for??? well, they better come up with a plan!!
a week later, a helicopter arrives in dallas. the FBI says there is no evidence of an explosive in this building, but this other guy (michaud) says they had better check again. he sees something in the distance….. upon the roof....
SCULLY IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cheered and screamed!
“mulder, it’s me!” “where are you scully?” “i’m on the roof” <- it was her on the roof!! oh, my heart is so happy to see her!!! she says she hasn't found anything. and you know she is good at observing
LMAOOOOO she wants to know what the fuck she is doing there!!! after going up 12 floors of stairs!!! they are not acting in accordance with the data on how to respond to terrorist threats!!! the bomb threat was called in ACROSS THE STREET!! lives could be lost!!! yes diva, monologue statistics!
BOO! mulder scares her LMAOOO LMAOOOOOOO aww. babies.
(her lecturing him on the statistics and terrorist behavioral analysis is so funny because he is the behavioral analysis guy... but i recognize that they are doing a sort of character introduction for the girlies who are just tuning in for the movie, and she is the one who likes to do things by the book)
(he pops a sunflower seed) “what are we doing up here, scully? it’s hotter than hell” <- many are asking this question...
NOOOOO, he’s bored because they’ve CLOSED THE X FILES 💔💔💔 and now they have to follow the rules!!! and do boring things like look for bombs! but at least they get to do it together? that has to be a plus!
“maybe we should call in a bomb threat to houston; i think it’s free beer night at the astrodome” (she glares at him) LMAOOOOO she’s mad as hell!!!! and so is he!!! but in a different direction!
OHHHHHH she pretends the door is locked…. and he goes into open it…. AHAHAHA, OH I JUST GIGGLED!!!
“it’s locked?” “so much for anticipating the unforeseen” (he opens it and turns to her, who is smiling, crossing her arms) “i had you” (he’s laughing) “no you didn’t” “had you big time"
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH i love when they write scully as a smartass!!! THAT IS MY BABY!! <3
SHE’S STILL TEASING HIM AS THEY GO INSIDE, BAHAHAHA! he says he saw her jiggle the handle; “i saw your face, mulder, there was a definite moment of panic” “you’ve never seen me panic. when i panic, i make this face” (he has no discernible expression)
BANTER!!! THE BANTER OF IT ALL!!!
OHHHH, SHE MAKES HIM BUY HER A SODA and she wants something SWEET... AGAIN, i say, that is my baby!!!!!!
15 minutes in and i’m already kicking my feet and giggling at their banter, oh my god… this is going to ruin me
LMAOOO what the hell did he just pull out of his pocket as he is putting the change in for a soda?!!
bro is slamming all of the buttons…. bro is kicking the machine… i have been there too, brother, i promise.
aha! the machine was unplugged!
this DVD is skipping a little but i think he got locked in the drink room 💔 for what purpose??
he panics and calls scully on his nokia, and her number is 555-0113 btw, for those of you who keep track of these things
he says he found the bomb!!!! and she thinks he is joking, but he is absolutely not!!!
OH SHIT!!!!! the bomb really is in there!!!! where the vending machine should be!! he starts counting down…….
so scully runs out, saying that she will get him out of there, but first: get everyone else out!!!!
YES, TELL THEM GIRL!!! “i need this building evacuated and cleared out in ten minutes. i want you to call the fire department and have them block off the city center and a one-mile radius around the building” “ten minutes?” “DON’T THINK! pick up that phone and make it happen!” <- YAAAAAAS EXACTLY RIGHT!!!
love when she raises her voice at men who doubt her. it brings me inner peace.
she needs to speak to michaud NOW…. tell him to deploy the FBI AT ONCE!!!!
oh, poor mulder, stuck in a locked room with the vending machine bomb….. he jumps when his cellphone rings. “scully, you know that face i just showed you? i’m making it again” <- NOOOOO his normally cool exterior is cracking 💔
she informs him to get away from the door because they are coming in. is michaud a welder????? or do they just keep one on hand for events like this?
michaud says to get out NOW!!! and mulder doesn’t want to listen, but scully forces him out. now why tf would this michaud guy know how to diffuse a bomb?? but he says he does.
okay, but he lies, because he’s just sitting there looking at it?????
mulder wants to run back in but she SCREAMS IN HIS FACE THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TIME!!!
(this was most pleasing to me as well. something about her screaming in his face to save him made me nod in approval)
they just barely get in the car, when the whole building blows!!!! poor limping agents emerge from the bombing as the place is in ruins. “next time, you’re buying”, mulder says. oh, this man, and his dumbass quips…
back to the FBI headquarters in DC. is scully in trouble??!?! but skinner is here!!!! surely he will defend her! oh no… mulder is here, too. there were 5 deaths in the explosion!!!
mulder rushes in, asking if the bodies really were found in the building, because they were told it was clear. but this lady tells him he was late and he better go wait outside… what is afoot at this moment…? skinner shakes his head ever so slightly
cut to him pounding sunflower seeds outside the door while the meeting takes place.
skinner emerges!!!!! NOOOO he gently informs mulder that they’re being blamed for this!!! he was so careful about the way he worded this news, too 💔💔
“if they want somebody to blame, they can blame me. agent scully doesn’t deserve this” “she’s in there right now saying the same thing about you” <- OHHHHHH……….. i fell to my knees in a walmart parking lot.
(metaphorically, of course. for in reality, i sit here, cozy in bed)
mulder says that he broke protocol by leaving the SAC, so he should take the blame, but she says she was the one who ordered him out. and he denies wanting to go back in.
poor scully :( she emerges
and now the people from the panel in the meeting room want skinner back :( she always calls him “sir” :(
NOOOOO, THEY’RE SPLITTING OUR AGENTS UP??? 💔
“this is not about you scully, they’re doing this to me” “they’re not doing this. mulder, i left behind a career in medicine… because i thought that i could make a difference at the FBI, but it hasn’t turned out that way, and now if they were to transfer me to omaha, or cleveland, or some field office it just doesn’t hold the interest for me that it once did. not after what i’ve seen and done” <- OHHHHHH… his face while she says this…
and her guilt…. it’s like she wants to atone.
again, scully and her need to Do The Morally Correct Thing at all costs. and at this point, can she say that being in the FBI is the Morally Correct Thing to do? i don't blame her for wanting to go be a doctor instead, even though i am surprised she doesn't want to figure out who got her sick and killed her sister. maybe she thought if she cut her losses now, she could still make a life for herself somewhere else.
she looks so SAD, and she says she’s sorry, and when mulder walks away, she grabs his jacket that he left behind... ohhhhh my GOD, her standing alone in the hallway… someone please kill me
(post viewing note: i think he was trying to blame himself for the whole situation and assuage her guilt with the "this is not about you, scully" line, but it seemed like he was saying that he was the only one being persecuted for the pursuit of the great and noble Truth, which rubbed me the wrong way. i think i know what he MEANT, but when he said they were doing this to HIM, it was like, damn, pretty sure y'all have been a team... again with the hearing 'i' when he ought to hear 'we')
NOOOOO! mulder’s absolutely smashed at the bar. bro barely drinks and tonight he is going for the gold.
AND THE BARTENDER ASKS WHAT HE DOES SO HE JUST. TELLS HER EVERYTHING??? so she cuts him off for the night. because his alien story seems to indicate his inebriation.
oh my god, it's like it doesn't bother him that he is a joke to his peers when he is getting results, but when he is separated from those results, being belittled hurts
“one is the loneliest number” <- SAID BY THE MAN who never wanted a partner….. oh my god…..
OH, the poor guy can’t even go to the bathroom in peace… which leaves him pissing against the wall… truly an all time low for my best friend mulder
this guy is talking to him while he goes to the bathroom. he says he has been watching his career for a while…….. since he was a promising young agent….. okay, who is this kurtzweil fellow? OH! HE CLAIMS TO BE “AN OLD FRIEND OF YOUR FATHER���S” EEK! i don’t think that will endear him to you
HE CALLS THEM “FELLOW TRAVELERS”.... RED MR. MULDER CONFIRMED???
he’s trying to get away from this guy. kurtzweil heard he comes in there sometimes. huh, that’s interesting. i feel like we never see him drink. and he said he usually doesn’t, which he stated as much before. maybe he goes there on the tough nights. maybe he gets bored. maybe his general sobriety is being retconned in this film. very interesting.
bro is trying to get tf out of there… but kurtzweil says that michaud never tried to diffuse that bomb!! "they" wanted the medical quarantine office in that dallas building destroyed!! which is where the bodies came from!!! the dead they found were already dead before the bomb went off!!!!
ohhhh, mulder's eyes are alight again… he tells the doctor he thinks he’s full of shit, but i can see that spark in his drunk and pondering eyes.
he is now off to georgetown. where poor scully cannot sleep. in her white robe. sadly looking at the ceiling.
(i know nothing about DC. so scully lives in georgetown? then where does he live? how far away is that? you have to call a cab, so it's probably pretty far... how long are their journeys to work? and most importantly, how far are they from the museums?)
OH she immediately clocks that he is drunk and she is SUSPICIOUS. oh, i want to STUDY this interaction:
“oh, i woke you. did i wake you?” (he stumbles in)
“no”
“why not? it’s 3 in the morning”
“are you drunk, mulder?” (i find it very fascinating she asks this without judgement- just very matter of fact)
“i… i… uh, was, until about 20 minutes ago, yeah”
“was that before or after you decided to come here?”
“what exactly are you implying?”
(she stares at him) “go home, mulder”
“no, get dressed”
“it’s late”
“get dressed”
“what are you doing?”
“just get dressed, and i’ll explain on the way” <- ohhhhhh…. will she go with him?
she will, but only after a deep sigh
(post-viewing thoughts: i thought this was so fascinating because it felt like she thought he was going to break whatever tenuous barrier was between them. like, he was either going to try and sleep with her, or beg her to stay, and either one was something she couldn't handle. it felt like she assumed it was sexual, to me at least. and that firm rejection was very interesting. i shall unpack this for decades, i am sure)
back to texas, where the quarantine effort where stevie and the firemen fell in the hole is being resumed. AND CSM IS LIGHTING UP AS HE DESCENDS FROM HIS HELICOPTER!!! sadly and pensively smoking.
the guy from before who we saw leave the firemen behind- bronschweig- has something to show CSM. AUGH, the fireman that they left in the hole is still alive, but he is very goopy??? why is this???
the black oil alien is eating him away!!! but they managed to slow it down by bringing him back to freezing!!!
he asks if CSM wants him to destroy “this one too, before it gestates” and he says no, no. we need to try the vaccine. and if it doesn’t work… burn it like the others. nasty.
AUGH....... the oil alien moved in the fireman's body a little bit. didn't care for it.
the agents are rolling up to the naval hospital at 4 am. i sure do hope mulder wasn’t the one driving. scully does not seem like the type to allow this.
LMAOOOO he is trying to get into the morgue by pushing around the young and inexperienced guard, and he does that thing where he calls him “son”, which makes me feel so weird, but the trickery of a guy named fox never fails to amuse me. he points out to scully once they're successfully inside that it’s pretty weird a hospital morgue is suddenly off limits on the orders of a general. yeah, seems sus.
mulder is unboxing this corpse, and it is horribly sticky!!! she’s gloving up to investigate. “god, it’s completely edematous”, she notes, and i giggled when she said that. scully using medical words makes my heart skip beats. i even giggled while gagging as she dragged her fingers through the human body that had become gel. and there was evidently absolutely no autopsy, she declares!!! the death report is obviously not true!!!
(shoutout to the props team)
STEALING A BODY with agents mulder and scully! but she is concerned! it takes a long time to conduct an autopsy! she’s worried they'll get caught!! “we’re being blamed for this man’s death. i’d like to know what he died of”, mulder points out, and you know what? i can’t really argue with that logic
how is she gonna cut the body open if he’s goop?!?!
off to dr. kurtzweil’s apartment, where an outside investigation is taking place, and you bet mulder is going to crash it.
OH SHIT??? the cops who are in kurtweil's place accuse him of a very serious crime??? mulder also found a book he wrote about “global domination conspiracy” um… can we trust this guy?
earlier when he said he was an OBGYN, my first thought was that he was one of those guys who works in the fertility clinics and makes the clone people… maybe he really is?
(after seeing the film, i think it was just a coincidence LMAO)
mulder make a joke about needing a pelvic examination and cracks the other cop up lmao. he has a way of charming people
GASP! as he tries to leave, he’s being summoned around the corner by kurtzweil!!! he says "they" know that he is talking to mulder. mulder is like how tf did you know all that about the goop guy in the hospital morgue?
well, let me tell you a story about a mouse disease, says kurtzweil.
and FEMA mentioned…. what are they doing in a mouse disease outbreak?? with their newfound powers? hmm.
MR. MULDER LORE!!!! they worked on a bio weapon together. “a plague to end all plagues… a planned armageddon” arranged with the aliens!! that's... not good.
so he says the president will declare a state of emergency when this plague arrives, and all power will come under FEMA/the secret government. and then i think he implies it will be transferred over to the aliens?
he says to go back to texas and dig… or else.
poor FEMA. always being blamed for something.
meanwhile, scully is working on getting an autopsy on the goopy body. but there are people approaching!!!
she hides!!! in the freezer!!!! but no!!!! her phone goes off!!!!
LMAOOOO!!! DESPITE the horrible timing, she picks up and says she can’t really talk right now- but mulder wants to know more about this infection she found.
he wants her to come to dallas with him, but she says she can’t, she has a hearing tomorrow!!! OH SHIT!!! the army men are approaching, but just in time she hides under the bodies…… very gross
now mulder is in a lab far away. looks like she did not accompany him to texas.
JUST KIDDING!!! SHE DID!!! she walks in right as he is told about some archaeological bone fragments!!
she didn’t want to come, but whatever those men were infected with has a protein code she has never seen before!! and i KNOW scully knows her protein codes!!! it is a serious health threat!!!
time to look at the fossils with a microscope. oh, whatever she sees is crazy, judging by the face she is making
(i thought it was so funny how he tells the dude in the lab he wanted her to explore the bones because it was so conveniently timed AND because they were archaeological remains that were thousands of years old, and i'm thinking, is she trained in archaeology? or is that implied with a training in forensic pathology? at what age is a bone no longer in her area of expertise?!)
back to the texas site…. the scary government people are going to try the vaccine. BLEH, whatever was in that guy has come free through his chest!!!!!!!!!!! bronschweig is looking around all over the place, freaking tf out!!!! where did it go?!!!!!
bronschweig says he can see it?? in a cave.
it looks slimy. and kinda little? he’s loading up a syringe with some sort of liquid that must be the vaccine, but then it vanishes!!!
OH. IT IS NOT LITTLE. NOT LITTLE AT ALL!!!!
GIRL. IT EATED HIM!?!!!! bronschweig stabs the alien fellow with the vaccine, but the other scientists lock him down in the hole because he has been mauled!!!!!!! and they bury him!!!! damn!!! there are truly no alliances in this alien business!!!!
why are we in england now? OHHHHH! IT’S WELL-GROOMED MAN!!! his butler says he has a call….
(okay, yeah, his name is “well-manicured man”, as the subtitles show, but come on!! it’s been 5 seasons of me calling him the wrong name!! i can’t switch it up now!!)
CSM says there is an emergency meeting TONIGHT. and strughold called it- whoever tf that is.
i have a feeling i am supposed to be most sympathetic towards well-groomed man. especially as he runs for what i presume to be his crying grandchild who hurt their knee. he was also the only one to advocate for working alongside the resistance, which morally elevated him above the others. but still. he is IN the alien groupchat, which you do not enter by being a morally clean fellow
syndicate meeting time!! who is this strughold fellow? aww, well-manicured man’s grandson broke his legs :(
so, breaking news: the alien virus has mutated into a new entity! they need to reevaluate their role in the colonization! well-groomed man points out that they have been used this whole time!! and they dismiss all of his wisdom!
so, they are once again going to ignore his advice of trying to have any hope. but there have been complications… allow us to look at a TV to illustrate
it is mulder and scully on the security footage!!! someone must have tipped him off to what is going on!! and they suspect kurtzweil. so he must go. and so must mulder.
but if they kill mulder, they risk turning one man's quest into a wider crusade… so they must take away what he cannot live without…
cut to scully!!!! NOOOOOO!
ahhhhh!! i left off at 54:52, i feel that this is an okay place to leave for the night, because my writeups take so long. i started this almost 2 hours ago, and i think a break is appropriate here. so! until tomorrow!!!
ahhhh… so many things to analyze. while trying to fall asleep, i couldn’t stop thinking about the following: scully teasing mulder at the very beginning of the film; how she doesn’t want to work for the FBI anymore without him, and how she no longer feels she can make a change there (and how she Needs to make change rather than simply earn a paycheck); how she is trying to find her place in life still; his sadness at this fact; how he went to the bar and got smashed to cope, spilling his guts out to the waitress, clearly crushed that the world thinks he’s a joke when he doesn't have the answers to dull the pain; how he showed up to scully’s place drunk and she was confused, and the careful line of their relationship was being walked upon when he did so, but she still followed him into the hospital; and then how she immediately started nerding out about the goopy guy, and then hid in the morgue to autopsy him!!!!! and then there’s the whole thing with the well-groomed man and the aliens and colonization and blah blah blah, but come on!! i want my babies back together!! kicking ass and taking names!!! so.
part 2 shall commence shortly!
#woohoo! i think editing part 2 is going to take much longer so please enjoy this until i can get that up and share it with the world!#oh scully teasing mulder and wanting a sweet drink is just killing me. my beloved...#now of course i know what happens next but when i stopped watching for the night OH i was SO CURIOUS#i contemplated watching it all at once but that would have taken at LEAST 4 hours and i am far too sleepy for this!#so! i will be back with part 2 soon! and boy is there a lot to say about that as well!#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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Please infodump about the JayTimSteph Grotesquerie AU WIP if possible.
OF COURSE i've been thinking about it since i saw the trailer and now it's a little brainworm. (disclaimer i've not watched the first two episodes yet, this is like. solely on the vibes of the trailer. some details might change once i. watch the show depending on if i follow it or just go with the vibes the trailer gave me. which also means there will be no spoilers for the show if you care about that.)
the current idea involves Detective!Tim, Nun!Steph, and Priest!Jason. the vague idea for the plot so far is that a serial killer leaves a *very* artful display of a crime scene inside of the church that Jason and Steph operate out of. Tim is assigned as the leading detective on the case and ends up in a relationship with the both of them as he spirals in madness trying to catch the killer.
for Steph, i want to explore the idea of her father, Cluemaster, being a *very* prolific and artful serial killer who's whole gimmick was sending clues to the police until he was caught when Steph was still a child, and her and her mother were forced to go into witness protection for their own safety, which led her down the path of becoming a nun. it was a defining childhood moment for her to walk in on one of her father's crimes, so when she's the one who finds the crime scene in the church, it *immediately* sends her back to her childhood and she's caught between PTSD-fueled horror and a sick, enticing fascination. she wanted to become a journalist before going into WITSEC but that career was basically all but ruined for her. now she runs the small newspaper for the church and is desperate to write on the first "real" story she's ever had, dragging her into an intense obsession over the crime and trying to prove she can solve it.
for Jason, i want to deal with his history as Bruce. the current idea is that Bruce is Tim's police chief who adopted Jason and Dick from a young-ish age and raised them to be detectives, taking them to crime scenes as teenagers and teaching them the ins and outs of how criminals think. it leads to Dick becoming a detective, but when taking them to crime scenes led to Jason being kidnapped and brutally tortured by "Jack Napier", almost dying. Dick kills Napier to save Jason and it fractures their little family so badly that Dick switches departments to another city and Jason runs away at 17, eventually happening upon joining the clergy. he's the new, young priest in the church who's known for being very pretty but very emotionally distant even if he's nice enough. and he's *pissed* that Bruce is in his church investigating a murder and that no matter where Jason goes, he can't seem to get away from the horrors.
and for Tim, he's the young new detective in his department who is *entirely* unaware that he's been taken under Bruce's wing bc Bruce is treating him as a surrogate replacement for Dick and Jason. haven't fully decided his backstory yet, but it'll likely be similar to canon with losing his mother and father. i kind of want him to be lost and lacking a sense of direction. very gifted in noticing patterns and detective work, but it's clear he doesn't *really* want this job. and when he's assigned as the lead on a case that feels *way* too big for his experience bc Bruce is showing clear favoritism, he's forced to go to Steph for help, which leads to Jason ending up wrapped up with them too.
despite how heavy the plot *sounds*, i honestly want this fic to be like. 40% porn. like the show i want to explore a lot of fucked up sexual interests in Jason who's punishing himself for it, Steph being too interested in things for her own good and desperate for a taste of what "real life" feels like, and Tim just being incredibly repressed. like i want the line between horror and erotic to feel like a jumprope. lots of fucked up sex balanced with like. them actually trying to catch the killer. and then of course the emotional aspect of how Jason's baggage with Bruce works into all of it. also want Tim to have a mild hero worship for "the great Detective Dick Grayson" while being clueless that he's Bruce's son and Jason's brother. i sort of want it to be Steph-centric, but still have POVs from Tim and Jason just to round out their emotional arcs. i haven't fully decided everyone else who'll be in the fic but i know i want Cass to be a fellow nun and friend of Steph's, Babs to also work at the church, Helena to be Tim's favorite coworker, and possibly for Damian to be around somehow. those roles will probably get more fleshed out when i. watch the damn show tho.
anyway TLDR: religious imagery, body horror, kinky sex, and a mystery that might break everyone psychologically once they get to the bottom of it. i have some very specific scenes and dialogue planned out. probably cannibalism as a metaphor for love thrown in there too. idk i just want these three to be as fucked up as possible and unhinged about each other but fighting their repressed side with their unhinged feral side. and since it doesn't exist by god I'll create it.
#necrotic answerings#necrotic works in progress#jaytimsteph grotesquerie au#<- temp tag until this fic gets a real name#jaytimsteph#when i shared this idea with my partner they were like. this should just be an original book#and yeah they're right but given it's derrivative of a show i don't think it *can* be. ergo. fanfic.#and i'm *already* writing one fucked up romance book with serial killers and a nun okay i've hit my quota.#but tysm for asking about this anon i was so excited to talk about it.#also! one scene idea i have in my head involves the three of them getting attacked#and jason killing the attacker with tim's firearm. which tim basically snatches from him and takes the blame for the kill#and even tho he's in the clear legally bruce sitll forces him to do a psyche eval that he hates.#and meanwhile jason asks tim to “punish him” not bc he killed the guy but bc he *enjoyed* it.#very fun scene for like. the descent into madness of the three of them getting more and more unhinged trying to solve this case.#like how far are they willing to go type shit#also i have a *lot* of sex scenes planned.#don't ask me who the killer is i haven't decided yet#i'm leaning on it being someone connected to tim tho#just to flesh out his backstory more. so we'll see#anyway i'mso happy to ramble about this fic idea to anyone who wants to ask more about it bc it'll help me develop it more#i've got the basics down but i'm an outline girlie at heart so i need evertrhing planned out for it to work yk.#this is my petition to make more ppl care about jaytimsteph. they're so cool i swear.
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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anyway this week I leant on my therapist's shoulder and ugly cried for like 10 minutes and as I was leaving I was like 'don't give me that face' and she was like 'I'm just very proud of your progress!' and I'm like 😡😡😡😡😡 THANK YOU 😡😡😡😡😡
#red said#i have cried in therapy before but i am usually always very in control of it#it's a 'tears are running but I'm otherwise normal' kind of crying or occasionally a 'take several deep breaths to pull myself together'#but it's dumb though cause we've talked about some very dramatic shit just fine and today i was just talking about like#my dumb adolescent-type insecurities about not being the kind of Cool And Collected And Exciting Person i want to be#ooooorrrrrr from another angle about how I'm 31 and have built my entire self-conception around being a person Things Happen to#and now at 31 entire years old I'm suddenly trying to figure out what sort of person i am beyond someone who's like#good at being tough and reacting with grace and fortitude to Things Happening At Me.#because Things stopped Happening At Me so much like. 5 years ago now. I'm in a loving relationship i have a stable home#i have a middle class income and great friends and it's been over 6 years since the last time anyone raped me.#my health is better than its ever been. both physical and mental. i am safe and i am loved and i am good at my job#so i can't really keep operating on a self concept where the only thing that i value in myself is the ability to survive#bc like I'm NOT surviving I'm GOOD. i can get what i want and be who i want. what the FUCK do i WANT??????????????
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Raynes songs always go hard, but the lyrics for Tie Me To The Tracks are something else:
"You showed me what you are but I couldn't believe you. Assumed you were a star, and never really wondered why your eyes were burning red."
"I see the carrion crows, I hear the whistle blow, I know it's coming soon. I'll close my eyes, imagine what the big surprise could be and say goodbye. Wish I didn't have to die, but I'm not gonna see you again."
"You can tie me to the tracks if you wanna. You can stab me in the back, and I'll take a moment to relax cause at least I'm not gonna see you again."
#no screenshots of the lyrics bc they're not on spotify yet and I was too lazy to google trying to find a site that had them.#morrigan.text#lyrics#raynes#tie me to the tracks#funnily enough when this song came out a few months ago I got a tumblr DM from someone who said they were Raynes's publicity person#asking me to go listen to this song. And that's how I found out about it being out. But it took a while to grow on me as all things do.#I deleted the DM and I'm not posting this bc of that just because these lyrics are so fucking wild I need more people to see them.#but it's a weird funny story.#who knows if it was true or not but still.#weird experience to have lmao.#also god I love the bit between the chorus and the bridge where ''tie me to the tracks'' is being sung in the background. Very pretty.#that last line of ''you can stab me in the back and I'll take a moment to relax'' is so insane but SO FUCKING GOOD.#also I was looking at this band's show dates on spotify and they had one in a city with the same name as my hometown and I got SO excited#for all of 5 seconds until I remembered there's a real city with that name and that my hometown is too tiny for concerts. (it has no venues#if only they would come to the nearest city instead... I would go to a concert of theirs.
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Episode one of Supernatural is so flawed that, had I watched it for the first time last night (instead of for the third), I would not have have watched the second. Ever. The flaws are things I simply didn't pick up on when I was thirteen, and memory glazed over with emotional attachment. I understand why these flaws are there, what the writers tried and failed to do through clumsy dialogue and strange character decisions. There's no subtlety. Everything Sam says is direct exposition, specifically the things that he would not have to say to his brother.
I do not do reviews so that's all I'm going to say.
#But who would I be if I had not watched supernatural?#I wouldn't be on tumblr for one#not in the same way that I am#Perhaps I would like different shows because the part of Supernatural that still appeals to me now is the queerbaiting#The blatant queerbaiting#the fact that they never get together#the weird way that excessive misogyny creates homoerotic subtext#that's what captures my interest as a viewer#which is problematic or whatever idk i think the show would have been less interesting as a romance#the most interesting part of the show to me by far is dean's character#and part of his character when read as a suppression of homosexuality simply would not work if the show didn't queerbait#also fun headcanons i hold for characters (like trans/bi dean) are separate from how i would actually analyse the actions of dean#i don't think dean is trans i don't think his character reflects a trans narrative#but i make him trans in my fanfic because i can#and i enjoy exploring that potential interpretation of his character even if i don't agree with it necessarily#i'm better at explaining this in person but I watch hannibal and Supernatural over shows with actual representation in them#because it's frequently a more interesting dynamic as someone who doesn't actually enjoy watching romance#this is not to say i don't watch things with queer characters in them and that I don't love to see representation#i nearly cried when the doctor and rogue kissed#and i don't cry for tv shows#i get incredibly excited and happy to see queer representation in anything at all even if i'm never going to watch it#i'm so so happy that shows like heart stopper exist and are popular and mainstream#that's fucking awesome!#but i'm not gonna watch a queer romance for the same reason i'm not gonna watch a straight romance#it's boring once they get together#and i do want to mention that in my head there is a distinct difference between a romance and characters who are together#like hiccup and astrid isn't a romance they are two characters that get together in a story about friendship and standing up for yourself#and others and also it's about fucking dragons put whatever you want in there i will watch it if it's about dragons.#but stoic and valka is a romance BUT THEY DON"T END UP TOGETHER#spn
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OHHHHH NAVIA IS A FUCKING PULL
#genshin leaks#0.txt#ALL HER SHIT WITH HER CANNON PARASOL. GOD I LOVE IT#THE ATTACK ANIMATIONS INCORPORATING THE PARASOL#HER BURST IS SOOO CLEAN#her gameplay animations in general have sooooooo much character god i'm in love#i also love that her signature is a fucking axe#i literally want her weapon solely because of that#god i'm already fantasizing about team comps. so fucking excited#i think i'm gonna do like. albedo and dehya and some other off fielder????#probably someone who can hold noblesse well#ig a healer would be best.... crystalized shields aren't that reliable#hrmmm i'd use mika or diona probably#mona if going healerless works out
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So I had a fantastic date tonight.
#it was a gym date and the first time we were meeting each other so i was nervous about it but it turned out to be really really nice#he's new to the poly stuff and the way that he spoke about it told of an emotional and intellectual intelligence that was so fuckin hot#he's really cute and we have a kind of shocking amounts of crazy passions that are exactly the same#he can quote scott pilgrim as much as me#he has dice tattoos#he got really excited when i gave him the origami ball i made while bored in a meeting today and wouldn't stop fidgeting with it#we got dinner afterwards and talked a lot about a lot of different things about each other and it was just really nice#and he told me i have the prettiest brown eyes 🥺#he also said that he showed his husband my pictures and he was like 'damn he looks like he has a strong stomach.not abs but like a strongmn#and i got SO EXCITED#i pointed out my gym crushes to him because i wanted to test the jealousy waters and he reacted very well#he answered my questions with a level of thoughtfulness and contemplation that i felt deeply attracted to#i just think I'm going to fall for him really hard and I'm very very excited about it#my love life has been... lackluster recently for a lot of different reasons#and I'm so fucking excited to have someone that i can be excited about who is just as excited about me#I've been craving that for so long#I'm just thrilled and looking forward to the next date#we're going to be talking a lot#I'm gonna be a little sad for a second. the person who i thought was my stream of consciousness has shown me that he doesn't really care#and that's been hard for me to come to terms with. we haven't even had a conversation about it#but he's been the only person that I can tell things to when i get excited about something#and i don't feel like i have that. so I'm writing in a Tumblr post about this because I don't feel like i have anyone#to get excited with me about things#hopefully that will change soon. I'm very hopeful about him.#just please. whatever deity is out there. please let me find some happiness here. i have been craving and wishing for way too long#personal#edit: another very very good sign is that he's much smaller than me and a trans man who is getting back into the gym#but he didn't seem intimidated by my size and was even comfortable taking flexing selfies with me after.#if existing around me or in that setting triggered any physical insecurities#he didn't show it. which was a big change from the ball of anxiety i saw when walking into the gym. I'm just impressed in a few ways
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The list of characters that Scott can and probably will make worse is growing so fucking fast and I fear for my life
(just me rambling about silly stuff in the tags because I'm happy and having fun)
#☆ in lesbians ; out of character#the upcoming osomatsu and scott interaction... jesus christ!!! those two are going to JAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!!!!!#then there's softie/benjamin this poor tortured soul who just got adopted from an alleyway by a complete fucking loser#i've also talked to someone about having him interact with arnold shortman. my god arnold and his five year old#and TAILS. okay well maybe that might go smoothly since they're both nerds but god forbid scott doesn't get any “bright ideas” fucking hell#weirdly enough the arnold one is the most hysterical scenario to me at the moment. scott is just a younger and better looking oskar to him.#arnold's job is solving everybody's problems i can only assume he's gonna need two therapists after meeting scott oh my god.#KEEP HIM ON A LEASH ARNOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!#i'd say sorry to osomatsu but i'm not#no to be honest i think i'm sorry to scott for once. GET AWAY FROM HIM HE'S ALREADY GOT DISCORD MOD QUALITIES HE DOESN'T NEED TO MEET ONE#ahhh i'm giggling so much i'm so excited#you guys are all so cool
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bleh
#having a bad morning tbhhhh#i envy the ppl who grew up here :| it's so much easier to make friends when u went to school w ppl and grew up with them#i have been here since 2016 and was just trying to get stability the first 3 years financially/housing-wise.#and when i was Finally ready to start making friends the pandemic happened.#the closest thing I've had to friends were made thru my ex and when we broke up they ghosted me.#to this day i have not made a single genuine friend and i can't articulate how hurtful that is to think about.#and i get excited when i might have a new friend but do the audhd balancing act where i tone myself down so i don't scare them away#but then idk. maybe i just come off as uninteresting or indifferent. idk what the perception of me is bc no one ever tells me anything lol.#i just get ghosted a lot 😭 it's Literally so much easier to find ppl to fuck than it is to find friends. idk why this is so hard but it's#frustrating. everyone has lukewarm interest in me at best and i have so much to offer when I've opened up to someone.#and i can't rly talk w ppl about how I'm feeling. and i can't do anything but keep trying over and over or else i WILL fr have no friends.#it's just. like. I'm not a normal person w normal circumstances and interacting w people who already have a ton of friends and stuff#going on is hard. there's like this burning desire for companionship in u as the person NEEDING it that no one else has#bc they already have it yk? ur just kind of a footnote on everyone's day/week. u don't have that kind of relationship where#u can Just Go Over or just have ppl over. ppl can hang like once a month maybe. i hate it here but also don't want to leave :|#everything is great except trying to make friends. idk i just wanted to vent lol I'm done ranting and might just delete#but this feeling wells up inside me and some days is so hard to ignore 😭#'i have been here since 2016 and don't have a single genuine Friend' what the fuck 😭😭#ik that wfh doesn't Help but i wouldn't be able to get anything done in person in my position lol. plus it's less about where ppl are#and more about how relationships (dont) develop past a certain point.#i have someone I've been talking with probs longest out of everyone so far and we're gonna hang this weekend#but I'm also perpetually afraid I'm gonna scare them away or something and be back at square 1 😭#and idk im afraid that might translate into seeming shy or something and I'd hate for them to lose interest anyways ._.#but idk how much of that is valid vs my brain just being mean to me and paranoid over my other experiences.#anyways... yea thnx for reading if u did. i feel crazy 😮💨
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my autistic ass avoided watching the x-files because i knew it would consume me....
& now here i am fully consumed even though I've only watched the first few handful of episodes of s1 (i'm regaining spoons needed for media consumption), but let me tell you w h a t!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was so excited i started crying because it combines unbridled pining, a skeptic & her believer husband partner, true crime, weird mythology, aliens (which i already knew abt obvi), unlikely besties who are prepared to square up at all times (re; scully being cold towards the agents mocking mulder & mulder being ready to fight g o d whenever anything happens to scully).
i just love the show a lot & i expected this but goddamn!!!!!! it's wormed into my spin category & now my alien spin is returning along with my 'unexplained happenings spin!!!!! i'm being consumed i tell you!!!!
#i'm excited to watch the movies as well!!!#i'm a little nervous for s10 & s11 due to the time jump etc etc#so i may not watch those--but i intend on watching 1-9 & the films#tho i'll probably watch s1 - 5 & the watch the first movie. watch s6-9 & watch the last movie#i knew i would be consumed by the autistic coded FBI agents & their ufo sightings but DAMN YALL-----i started going bonkers#on dya fuckin' one & now they're all i can think about#maybe this is to fix the void i have due to w*tcher being a mess (I'm season 3 is good--i ma just petrified dfghkjldfh)#if this end sup in tags no it doesn't <3 but also if it does---don't follow me due to this post#i post a mishmash of stuff!#<- putting this there bc it just feels right to do so <3#the reminders im getting of like--the fucked up alien shit i know & ALSO 2 OF MY FAVORITE ALIEN CENTRIC MOVIES-#(those being close encounters of the third kind & starman)#i've gotta rewatch those now & c r y because those movies remind me of watching them in my grandmother's livingroom while my mom played-#-games on her pc. they also remind me of the summer nights i'd watch them back to back for days on end#god--for a 25 year old i talk like someone who gre wup in the 80s when i--alas did not---i grew up in the 200s but my parents#showed me a lot of 80s & 90s media so i feel more at home with those films & early 2000s films then i do most things from the 2010s#i'm talking a lot in tags--if you read all this--i'm so sorry. i don't know the art of shutting the fuck up#anyways; once again--if i end up in tags no i don't & don't follow me solely due to this post because i post a lot of stuff that's unrelate#to this (also please be above 18 if you're gonna follow me <3)#ripley rambles#ripley's audhd/disability posting
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aaa i'm so happy. i don't know why. i mean. i do but. it's stupid really
#random thoughts#okay so. the reason why is because i made conversation with a friend of mine. they are not in any of my classes#they've always acted like a father figure towards me? more of a parent than either of mine. found family trope irl i guess#and. they are so nice!!! they complimented my outfit today and just. i was just so excited! i could hardly concentrate during math class#it's so nice to talk to someone who cares about me. most of the people i know have been calling me cringe. i am but. it makes me sad ):#i'm trying not to let it get to me but. oh well#anygays. there's an event tomorrow where we can dress up and stuff. i want to go as enmu but i don't want them to make fun of me#but. then people could compliment me! there's always a chance. i just know that people will think i'm fuckin. cringe. which yes. i get it#but fuck cringe culture! it was probably just made as an insult to neurodivergency anyway#hm. but. i can't decide anymore. sometimes when i don't know what to do it stresses me out so. i hope i don't get too nervous#fun times.#(:
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.
#tag talk#watching media not in English is honestly so fun. my brain loves trying to pick out sentence structure and individual words#as someone who was obsessed with writing and learning codes as a kid it's unsurprising#I've realized that I very well could finally become multilingual and it's a really exciting thought#I just wish language learning apps didn't suck so much. I very well might have to start keeping a notebook for vocabulary#but I've been watching Puerta 7 and listening exclusively to music in Spanish for about the past week#and next year my brother and I are gonna take Spanish together at the community college once we move#cause he wants to travel internationally and maybe live abroad so language learning would be super useful#he's not as good with language as I am but that'll just mean I get to help him with it#anyway. I think I'm gonna dig out a notebook and start planning how I'm gonna do this#I really really wanna get good enough to read books and articles in Spanish. cause reading is cool and great and builds vocab#I think this is only possible now that I've been medicated for a while.#like. I wish I could have done this years ago but I accept the fact that I've been on a journey#and chasing your dreams is only possible once you're in a position to do so. my brain was too fucked before.#so external motivation was the only way I could make progress. whereas now I have the ability to internally motivate.#I can do dishes. clean my room. fold laundry. make food. and finally learn a language in my own way.#I wish language learning apps didn't fucking suck so doggamn much. they're really the worst. even as a kid I hated Rosetta Stone.#I needed to find my own way to learn and I'm still figuring it out but I will. I know I will.#I will be successful and I will chase the things I love in life and even if things go wrong I will work to improve my life#and part of that self actualization is learning the language I've grown up with and yet never learned. and then I can learn other languages#because I genuinely wanna learn a lot of languages. hell I taught myself a little bit of spoken elvish as a kid. it's in my blood I guess.#being monolingual is genuinely distressing for me tbh.#shit I should ask my sibling for book recommendations and I can buy something to start pulling vocabulary from.#for now I can pull words from songs or tv. that's a good starting point. even if I prefer the aesthetic of studying a book#except first I'm gonna fold my laundry and change my bedsheets#bye y'all
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I think one of the reasons the Harris / Walz ticket has so much momentum is because the campaign is genuinely trying to put out this vibe of fun. Like that's all the "brat" thing is, the coconut jokes, just being kind of silly and fun.
And I think it's working, because let's be real, we are all exhausted. It's been all about preserving democracy, defeating fascism, the past eight years. The message has been "vote for us because the country is literally on the line". The vibes are not good when we are stuck back at that fight, and not even discussing trying to make progress on things like housing, healthcare, education, etc. And the fight to just stop fascism? All still true. Project 2025 is real and is extremely scary. We can't let that man back into office.
But the vibe was "vote for us otherwise we're all fucked :(" and now has shifted to "get in, we're making popcorn and then bullying fascists." Like a lot of the issues conservatives bring up, the Harris / Walz is just not engaging them in good faith, as they shouldn't. Republicans bring up abortion, and some of the Dems are just like, "you want 14 year old to give birth? Weirdo" and just leave it at that. Like YES, that's what you should do. Because it SHOULDNT be a debate. And it's working. This is how you defeat the identity politics thing Republicans have been trying to push for a while. Just mocking them for the stupidity of it all. "Like seriously? You think a book can make someone gay??? Hahaha." None of the Republicans are reacting well. They can't stand it. Vance even complained about bullying!!! Like do you KNOW who picked you as vp??? It's actually laughable, because they have no room to stand on when it comes to bullying.
And a huge part of the mocking and dismissing of Republicans is that the message is clear - we are done debating all this stupid stuff. We've won the last two elections' popular vote - most Americans do NOT want christo-facism. It's time to move on. And that's what gives me hope, and the feeling of hope I think a lot of people have picked up on. It's time to address all the issues we've all wished we've been addressing the past decade. It's important we move onto that, and that's the message I'm getting from this campaign (We're not going back). I think it will resonate with a lot of people, because plainly, we're all just sick of this same old news cycle and fake rage bait over things like "should women have rights?", "Should gay people be allowed to exist?" The general populace have answered YES to both these multiple times, and it is time to move on. Maybe I'm being naive, but I am genuinely excited at the idea of putting to bed these debates (it's exhausting trying to fend someone's very existence ) and moving on to actual economic and social policies that could fix a lot of deterioration over the last 2 decades.
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