#and I'm proud of myself for Andrea's face

[anna-naray]

Day 2 - Angel's Friends April Challenge 2024

Andrea, Andrea... definitely Sulfus' favourite human and a constant worry for Raf!

<- Day 1 -- Day 3 ->

[octuscle]

Hey, this is Chronivac Support correct?

I’m a 19 year old guy, and the other day I thought to myself that I’d really like to try some leather. You know what those men wear, with the big black jackets, the leather pants and the hats, but I have a suspicion it might not look right on me considering my body is quite small and lacks any muscle. Do you think you could help me?

Being 19 years old, small and not very muscular is no reason not to like leather. And you don't have to be a hairy muscle god to find something to fuck in a darkroom. Or to get fucked in a sling. But it is my pleasure to be of service to you. Especially since leather is an expensive fetish, you have to be able to afford it. I'll program a new rhythm of life. You start an apprenticeship as a motorcycle mechanic to have the smell of leather around you all day. After work you go to the gym. Two hours of exercise. And afterwards you go to a fetish bar. In the beginning you wear jeans and a T-shirt. But from your first salary you buy your first leather pants. It's Friday evening, let's start. I set the time lapse to the maximum speed. One second, one month. Stop after 20 seconds.

So, let's have a look at you: You're almost 22 years old. Handsome young man. Your muscles are developing well. And what's more important: Your self-confidence is there. You like leather and are proud of it. On weekends you stand behind the counter in the leather bar. And when you are not working, you let off steam. Fucking, pissing, fisting. Everything already tried. You know that everyone is looking at you and you enjoy it.

Try out the body. It's 10:00 p.m., time to hit the streets.

So, how was the first night? Okay, as a top you are not taken too seriously yet with your cute face. But how often did someone want to fuck you? I hope you enjoyed it.

It's Saturday afternoon, let's do shopping. But before that, I'll let the time lapse go on for another minute. 27 years old. They don't fool you on the bike any more than they do on the sling. In the meantime, the guys are waiting for your arrival in the darkroom in the evening to be fucked by you. And in your basement you have built your own cave with Andreas cross. And in the fetish store of your confidence you are platinum customer.

Cool new outfit! I'm already lying down in the sling, sir!

Slept in? I bet the evening and the morning have taken their toll. And the fella you took home willingly had the dog mask put on him before he was allowed to fall asleep at the foot of the bed. But now send him to his basket, I'll let the clock run forward another minute.

Sure, it's a matter of taste. But for me you have now reached the climax. You have to have almost 20 years of experience in the leather scene. Especially at your age. Today is slave market in the leather bar. Let's see who will throw themselves at your feet. One thing is for sure, you will both have your fun.

[silver-wield]

Final Fantasy VII Rebirth Review Chapter 8

Okay, this collection of posts will be filled with spoilers, including clips and screenshots, so if you don't wanna see things, then don't look. Some of the things I'm gonna highlight will include references to Remake and other sources to link with the overarching plot. This is a straight path playthrough with no sidequests or extra content.

Time to hit the Saucer!

The second we arrive, the girls are pulled into a short dance sequence against Andrea. After that we're introduced to Dio.

As usual, Cloud's pretty face gets him unwanted attention. Dio wants to duel. It's not a hard match, and yet I hate it so much. Cloud's proud of himself for kicking some virtual ass, and specifically looks for Tifa as he celebrates to see if she's watching. She is. He's happy.

After that the group splits after a diplomatic vote with the girls and Red going to have fun. Cloud would've gone with but when Tifa asked he had a vision of Sephiroth and she suggested he get some rest instead. He and Barret head to the ghost hotel.

We get our introduction to Cait Sith and his predictions, which kind freak Cloud out. Makes me wonder if he's superstitious.

Cloud has a nap and we get another interlude with Zack. At one point he strokes Aerith's hair and then goes downstairs to talk to Elmyra and Marlene. He then goes looking for Biggs to cheer up Marlene.

Back with the main crew and you get to take a wander around the park with whoever you have the highest affinity with. Obviously I went with Tifa and it was cute watching her and Cloud hold hands 😍

Cait Sith interrupts to let them know about a shooting. Cloud and Tifa defend Barret and state he couldn't be responsible. They volunteer to find the real culprit and Dio slaps a cuff on Cloud to stop them running away. This accessory becomes important later.

Cloud's blindsided by goons and everyone wakes up the following morning. Gus, the leader of the dust bowl, is willing to hand over the gunman if Cloud wins a chocobo race. It takes some sidequests to get Piko racing fit, but then it's off with Esther to the races!

Meanwhile, we see Elena in the desert complaining and reminding us she's only 18 🤣

Cloud wins his race. It really wasn't hard, and I say that as someone who hates chocobo racing. The others are let out of their prison cell to watch Cloud win and celebrate 🥳

After that it's an annoying trek through the desert following a frigging condor until we find Barret. Shocker, he's not the gunman who killed the people at the arena.

I'm not gonna spoil this part, but it's amazing and emotional and made me cry 😭

The combat with Barret was pretty fun and the transitions between stages were awesome!

Elena has her not vanilla ice cream, and we have to deal with a whiny Palmer in a massive mech. And this comes right off the back of a highly emotional scene. I needed a minute to get myself together 😭

After the battles are over, Dio appears and that bracelet becomes relevant. We get the buggy, Dio gives us a distraction and Barret takes charge clearing the road.

I sucked at this. I tried. I really did. This goes towards Barret's affinity for his date too, so do your best!

After we escape, it's a fast paced drive across the desert until Yuffie's motion sickness forces us to stop and get our bearings.

We have a quick stop in to find Reeve all cheerful as he doctors the wanted poster for the golden trio. Why would this make him happy? Why would he be happy in general? Well, he's teamed up with Cloud and co and finally feels like he's doing something instead of banging his head against his desk every time he tries to make Shinra do some good.

We also stop in at Rufus office for another meeting between him and Glenn, who we can see now is some apparition of Sephiroth's that'll trying to start a war. Why? Because war means death and those souls who died angry can be corrupted and used to fight the white whispers in the lifestream.

And it's back to Zack, so I'm assuming Cloud took another nap since we return to the crew the next day. He's off looking for Biggs like he promised Marlene, and we see them find each other. The interesting convo between them will be next interlude.

Barret's arc remains one of my favourites. It's everything I wanted from Rebirth and it's at this point I started getting excited to play the game. Before that I was kinda meh about it, but this chapter onwards everything is fantastic until we hit that long ass boring cut scene at the start of chapter 14.

[toxiclxki]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

💞😍

Thank you so much for the question!❤ this was HARD, but I did realise I've got a few stories of my own that I really like.

The Ice We Skate - My first proper longfic, and one I still think about daily (because I'm working on the sequel)

Summary: Bucky Barnes lives and breathes for hockey. Just pushing himself to try harder, to do better. On the ice he can forget for a while. It doesn't matter where he came from, it doesn't matter who he's lost, it doesn't matter that the scar on his face is a tiny reflection of those inside his heart. When the new defenseman, Sam, joins the team, it seems like he might get it, maybe even better than his best friend Steve does. If ever there comes a day when he can't play hockey they'd better just take him outside and shoot him. But that day won't come. He can do this forever. He can do this forever, right?

2. Bucky Barnes' Year of Peace - This one has stuck with me more than I thought it would, and I still can't seem to let it go.

Summary: Bucky just wants peace. After Steve leaves, Bucky slips away to find some. In the small town he winds up in, he finds more. He finds himself.

3. Collapsing Sun, Vengeful Moon - I killed Sam. Not a lot of people read this one, probably for that very simple reason, but I'm quite proud of it.

Summary: Bucky tried to piece himself back together, to be someone else, the person he used to be. Sam believed that he could, and that made it worth trying. Sam and Bucky are lured into a trap. After that, it isn't worth trying any more. Those who trapped them have to pay for what they've taken.

4. The Steve Rogers Special - Stucky, and honestly my best one yet.

Summary: Bucky is haunted by his past, by the things he's done and the things he hasn't. Sam's the best boss and friend he could hope for, and he's already been given more chances than he deserves. He doesn't dare to hope that he deserves anything anymore, so he just keeps fake-smiling as the customers roll in and out. And then Steve Rogers bumbles into the coffee shop, and everything changes.

5. Those days are gone forever (I should just let them go but) - I still think about this one every time I hear The Boys of Summer, and it makes me nostalgic for something I've never experienced myself, which is weird.

Summary: Sam was nine years old the first time he met Steve and Bucky, having just moved to the small town where they lived. Now he's twenty-seven, returning for the first time in years to celebrate Steve's wedding.

Thank you again for the question Andrea! I'll send it on to a few❤

[badboyportrait]

[Image ID:

A post from girlroach on Tumblr that says "Gripping my bathroom sink repeating I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to work this world alone"

Lyrics from You're On Your Own, Kid by Taylor Swift: "You've got no reason to be afraid/You're on your own, kid /Yeah, you can face this/You're on your own, kid/You always have been"

Lyrics from Matilda by Harry Styles: "You can see the world, following the seasons/Anywhere you go, you don't need a reason /'Cause they never showed you love/You don't have to be sorry for doing it on your own" (last line highlighted in blue)

Artwork of a pale-skinned person in a bathtub of stars, with only their head and hand visible. They're holding a cigarette. Handwritten text next to their head says: "FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MANY MONTHS I WASN'T AFRAID TO ADMIT I WALK THIS WORLD ALONE..."

Lyrics from Graceland, Too by Phoebe Bridgers: "No longer a danger to herself or others/She made up her mind and laced up her shoes/Yelled down the hall but nobody answered/So she walked outside without an excuse/She could do anything she wants to/She could do whatever she wants to do"

Quote from James Baldwin: "It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I'd be taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here."

Post by guooey on Tumblr: "Constantly repeating to myself 'you are not broken you are young and learning how to live' during everything I do everywhere I go all the time"

Lyrics from Liability by Lorde: "So I guess I'll go home/Into the arms of the girl that I love/The only love I haven't screwed up/She's so hard to please, but she's a forest fire I do my best to meet her demands, play at romance, we slow dance/In the living room, but all that a stranger would see/Is one girl swaying alone, stroking her cheek"

Lyrics from It's Time To Go by Taylor Swift, highlighted in grey: "He's got my past frozen behind glass/But I've got me"

Text: "Where can my heart find peace if not in me?"

Anonymous said: I haven't written a love letter since. veinings said: Write one for yourself

Words from Take Me With You, Andrea Gibson: "COMMIT TO LOVING YOURSELF COMPLETELY. IT'S THE MOST RADICAL THING YOU WILL DO IN YOUR LIFETIME."

Words: "Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you were the one who carried you through the heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, who clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, that is the strongest thing in the universe." (last sentence highlighted in yellow)

Post by babyspicegf: "its really comforting to know that all the times i was at my lowest and loneliest in the past the whole time i had my self in the future and present who had survived those things looking back with love and tenderness and wishing desperately to offer comfort…i am my own guardian angel and i can use that knowledge when im struggling now and remember that somewhere there is a version of me that has survived this and is watching me with love and pride and joy in her heart"

A blurry picture of running horses. Over it, text says "it is with blind faith i believe i am worthy"

Words by I.B. Vyache: "It's time to forgive my hands for being hands. I'm going to hate myself a little less tomorrow. I'm going to hate myself a little less tomorrow."

End ID.]

on self love

@girlroach // you're on your own, kid, taylor swift// mathilda, harry styles// ?// graceland too, phoebe bridgers// james baldwin// @guooey // liability, lorde// it's time to go, taylor swift// ?// @veinings// take me with you, andrea gibson// ?// @ babyspicegf // ?// i.b vyache

[theauthorsarchive]

Statement #14: Suicide Ghost

Warning: Depictions of Suicide.

[CLICK]

Zaine

YAAAWN yo Shrimp wake up i'm gonna go get breakfast. Do you want anything?

Stacy

mmmmCoFfEe.

Zaine

Got it back in a bit.

Click Creeak

Zaine

Oh hi can i help you?

???

We got a delivery.

Zaine

Oh cool sent by who?

???

Who knows.

Zaine

Awesome can i have it.

Shuffle

Zaine

Do I need to sign?

???

No. 

Zaine

Riiight. Well i'll be off then later gents.

???

Goodbye. 

Zaine

Hmm Breekon and Hope Deliveries…never heard of them.

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

Story of Andrea Ornelas pertaining to her suicide. Original story taking place October 13th 2009, recording by Zaine Allgood on September 15th 2016. 

Story begins.

Suicide. Such a controversial topic. I don't see the reason why, I mean I get it killing yourself is very much taboo, but why? It's the ultimate choice, the balance of life and death lying in your hands. It's beautiful, really having such power. Think about it, when else would you have such control, it's like my old man used to say the only thing certain is death. I hate my old man.

I was born in a loving household, my father had a sizable wealth tucked under his belt, my mother was a homemaker always there to keep me and check and love me unconditionally. It was a madhouse. I hated it. I felt I had no control, everything was given and nothing was taken for granted. I was a straight A student, always top of my class mummy and daddy were so proud of me. It meant nothing, just stamps on paper showing how mundane I was. 

It wasn't until I was in high school that my views had started to change. The internet had become a pretty big thing and one of my classroom pals had found something that piqued my interest. It was at the classroom library on a computer she showed me a shady website. Something called Dead TV or something like that. It was a video of someone hanging themselves from their ceiling fan.

It was only five minutes long but in those five minutes I was reborn. I asked my friend if she could send it to me and albeit with a strange look of confusion in her eyes. When I got home I opened my email and it was the key to my freedom. What about the video captured me so much? Well…everything the expression before the jump, the look of dread and expectation. The initial jump as you can see the rope tighten around their neck while swinging like a holy bell. And then the release as the body slacks leaving a beautifully twisted expresion. 

I watched it repeatedly over and over for days and days, each time better than the last. Then I realized something one day while viewing the video. Why couldn't I do that? A bomb went off in my head that day, not even the end of the world would throw the smile off my face. I went to my shed finding a rope and went up to my room. Tying that noose I could barely contain my joy. Then it was done and I was ready. 

I put my head in the noose and jumped off the stool. When i tell you it was the most ecstasy i had felt in my life i would be lying. I would be under-selling it. But there was a problem. It ended. When it was over all I saw was darkness all around me, I was sad that it was over. Then I saw a light. I walked towards it and saw myself hanging on a rope, my face in perfect ecstasy. I looked in the mirror but I couldn't see myself. I went down the stairs and saw my mother cooking dinner. I went over and touched her on the shoulder. In a flash of light I realized I was in my mothers body. 

I was startled at first being in my mothers body. But then I remembered how much she loved me and how selfish I had been. Then I realized how I could show her just how much I loved her. I looked at the kitchen counter seeing how she had laid out knives in preparation. I took it and slit my mothers throat. Her blood spilling out onto the kitchen floor in a beautiful red painting. I finally got to show her just how much I loved her. 

I looked over her corpse, her face in ecstasy my heart fluttered looking at my mother. It was so beautiful I shed tears at the sight. That's around when my father got home when he saw my mothers display. I was aghast. He cried and cradled her corpse screaming how could this happen. Couldn't he see the look of joy on her face, how beautiful the scene was? It made my blood boil seeing him disrupt this glorious scene. He did not deserve the happiness I had given my mother. But I thought of how much my mother had loved him. She deserved to see him happy as well. So I touched his shoulder. 

He deserved a less beautiful suicide but a suicide none the less. I walked him to his car, opened his glove box, and pulled the trigger. I will admit I felt happy seeing my fathers display the smell of smoke in the air and the blood that splattered over his car. It was then I decided that others have to feel this joy. I walked to my neighbors house seeing him eat dinner with his family. I cried again imagining the joy I was going to spread to the entire family. 

End story.

So Shrimp did some research and discovered that there was a mass suicide in a town in Colerado. Ever since then periodical suicides have been around the area. I guess i can get whispers from ghosts. 

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

Stacy

Watch out, the shower doesn't have heat. What's with the box?

Zaine

I don't know, I got it before I went for breakfast and recorded a whisper.

Stacy

Oh so open it.

Zaine

No, it smells like blood. Dirty blood. 

Stacy

Who sent it?

Zaine

Don't know it doesn't have any indication, just a box with a bow. 

Stacy

I'll open it.

Zaine

Wait no!

Riip

Stacy

It's a stuffed bear with a speaker and there's a note. To the Author and his Ember, love Ivan.

Zaine 

Don't touch that bear!

Click Click Click

Ivan on recording

Hello my dear friends it seems you're making waves when it comes to progress. You evaded my hunters, have managed to stay hidden somehow, in fact the only way i had this delivered was through a third party. So in a way congratulations my dears you have outdone me. But you did something that troubles me, so you burned a book. A tome of knowledge so ancient and you destroyed it. Why would you do that? Do you not know the power they have? Your naivety has destroyed something so precious. And for that a price must be paid.

Bear

Riiip Snaaaarl 

Zaine

Get away from the bear!

Clatter snikt

Zaine

Ah goddammit get it off me!

Whack Riip Riip Rip RIIP 

Klovn

Gasp gasp GODDAMIT STAMMER HOW HARD IS IT TO STAY ALIVE.

Zaine

K-Klovn?

Klovn

Don't you Klovn me do you have any idea how hard it is to keep you safe!

Stacy

Shut it clown before I put a hole in your chest. 

Klovn

Oh please do girlie but with me gone who's gonna save you from the hunters. Ever wonder why you don't see them anymore? It's because of me saving your asses! 

Zaine

K-klovn im s-sorry but-

Klovn

But nothing! All you have to do is write your stupid books! So be a good Author and write your damned heart out!

[CLICK]

[snootlessimperfectworld]

Some Incorrect Quotes

Warning: language, brief mentions of suicidal thoughts, and occasionally sexual themes

I've been working on the last 2 of the worldbuilding posts and the characters, but I'm pretty stressed since I have an interview for a new job in about 2 hours, so instead y'all are gonna get some incorrect quotes.

Malvo: *talking about something incredibly important* Aten, behind him: *mocking while doing the hand-talking motion*

Some rando: You're mad! Malvo: Mad is a word and you have used it The person: *visible confusion* *gets stabbed*

Maxlar: I'm just a silly, goofy guy! You wouldn't hurt a silly, goofy guy, would you? Malvo: *is fully reared back with a massive book in his hands ready to beat the crap out of him* I desire nothing more than to hit you right now

Aten: Yeah, I'd be pretty fucking pissed too if I had to walk around with a face like that. Malvo, glaring: I only just walked into the room. Aten: And? Bitch

Hades: Someone asked me this morning how I'm holding up since ~the incident~ and I broke down into tears. Maxlar, concerned: What was the incident? Hades: Yesterday someone tripped and spilled hot tea on me. I was so surprised by the event that instead of asking "Are you okay?" or saying "I'm so fucking sorry" I merely shouted at them "Are you fucking sorry?!" Maxlar: Oh my god... Hades: I had to sit with The Council for a bit so they could monitor my sanity. :)

Devon: Dude, did you sleep last night? Maxlar, who very clearly did not: Uh no, I didn't. Devon: Why?? Maxlar: Kinda hard to fall back asleep when you walk into your kitchen for some water at 3am and your literal Demon brother is sitting on your table surrounded by a very strange assortment of things and looks at you with those weird ass glowing eyes only to mumble "Go back to bed" at you. Devon: Did-did you ever find out what he was doing? Maxlar: Nope. Kinda don't wanna know. Devon: That's valid, actually.

Aten: God made me small cause he knew I'd be too powerful if my size rivaled Devon's. Hades: No, he made you small so you'd be easier to keep on a leash. Aten: *blinks in dirty thoughts* Uh, Hades? Troy, walking out of the room: Did NOT need to know that

Malvo: How did you and Maxlar meet? Hades: I lost track of Aten once when we were out. I found him trying to fight some people and Devon was the one holding him back. Malvo: And you allowed the two to befriend you? Hades: I had no choice in the matter. Maxlar had been laughing the entire time, and Aten found him funny. Turns out, we both knew Troy and it has been downhill ever since. Malvo: *wordlessly slides the bottle of wine closer to Hades*

Aten: Everyone's always asking me how I bagged such a baddie. Babes *laughs* I didn't bag shit. Hades: *offended noises* Aten: I kidnapped him :D

Dot: Someone asked me once if Maxlar was bothering me, like as a "Is this guy bothering you, miss?" kind of way. I went with it, cause he was, just not that way, and I recorded him getting dragged by security. Dot: Sometimes Andrea will send me the video back just to tell me she's still laughing over it.

Devon: I'm really proud of Maxlar, ya know? He became a father and he's really matured. Maxlar: *pouring honey into his drink and muttering to himself* Yeah, get in there, you sticky bee sauce. Devon: Can I retract my statement?

Malvo, angry and yelling at Hades: How does one manage to be so intelligent, yet so incredibly stupid? Aten, defending Hades: How does one manage to be such a BITCH? *Aten screaming as Malvo attacks him*

Hades: I don't understand why people are so determined to keep asking me how I'm doing when they really don't want the truth, they're just being polite. Hades: Apparently, answering that question with: "Horribly, honest. The annoying little bitch in my head keeps telling me to kill myself and my best friend is the reason I have responsibilities again." is not appropriate.

Maxlar: I've never understood people that can't stand their wives and use hanging out with friends as an excuse to get away from her. Maxlar: I've always used "spending time with my wife" to get out of hanging out with those weirdos I call friends.

Andrea: You must be pretty proud of your brother for how far he's come. *Maxlar actively doing something silly with his kids* Malvo: Proud is not the word I would use.

Maxlar: Being schizophrenic and the reason for an interdimensional war is pretty fucking wild. *Hades and Malvo both staring in horror* Maxlar: Cause like just this morning I couldn't eat anything cause I was convinced a Death Crawler assassin had broken into the safehouse and poisoned my Pop-Tarts, put them back into the packaging, sealed it with magic, and then vanished. Rationally, yes, I know this is outlandish and totally impossible considering Malvo was in the kitchen the entire time last night, but still! Hades: Oh my god...

Malvo: I am actually grateful Maxlar was able to settle down and start a family, but I do have one question for you. Andrea: What's your question? Malvo: Why?

Aten: I call Hades all sorts of weird names, some of them insults like bitch, and some actual like couple-y pet names. Aten: But last week I called him "Bri'ish" and I think I broke him

Hades: Sometimes I wonder how I would actually react if I screamed into the void and it screamed back. Malvo, calmly flipping through a book: The void's scream back is just an echo of your misery to remind you of your insignificance. Hades: What the fuck-

Troy: Old people, especially humans, like to say shit like "you must be one of them queer people that worships the devil" cause of all my piercings and my dyed hair. Troy: I like to respond with "Yeah, I do be sucking off your sons! Sucking their blood, actually.*takes a long pause* Your son is dead in a ditch somewhere."

Troy: One time, my brother arrested me. He had no reason, he just thought I looked stupid and needed to sit in timeout for a bit. Troy: He's great :D

[sunnyanddumb98]

Four people to my left. There's who I believe is a film screenwriter I like. In the middle seat in the middle row. She has an isosceles triangle nose, her face looks like it's from a Tim Burton movie, her hair is greasy and separated into strands by the oil, that unsaturated brown hair, like the dark hair of a rat.

I talk to my mother about it and we scheme a plan. I'll wait for her to go to the bathroom, so I can walk behind her and wait as if it were a coincidence. Of course. When she comes out, I'll ask her, 'Wait, aren't you an independent film screenwriter?' Her face will light up, she'll be excited, and proud to be recognized.

But what if she never goes to the bathroom? I'm sitting right next to a couple, what if I need to pee in the middle of my deep writing? When I was six years old, I peed in class, the teacher's assistant, Aunt Sandra, took me to her house from my school uphill. just one block away. She had a box of underwear in plastic bags and a box of tights at her house. She made it seem like it was a regular event for her. I cleaned and changed, but she helped me with the tights.

I also I peed at a birthday sleepover once. Everyone from my class was there, I knew not to have liquids after six. My doctor told me I had an immature sphincter. I woke up wet on the couch, Consuelo, Cony, she talked really loud, she asked me, probably to tease me. I was about to admit my guilt when Aunt Andrea intervened, Nini's mom, and told everyone that she had spilled a glass of water and apologized to me. Maybe wetting myself is the right career move for my writing. If she sees me so embarrassed, she'll feel sorry for me, take the initiative. If she pities me enough, she might share her story, and we could become friends. Maybe she'll take me under her wing.

But I have to do it at the right moment, early enough to talk about myself, my editorial line, and my vision. But late enough for the other passengers to endure the smell for the shortest amount of time. If this group of complete strangers has to pay for my career, politeness dictates that the situation should last as little time as possible. After all, I don't want an ungrateful and self-centered reputation. Those kinds of reputations are reserved for middle-aged men with alcohol problems, the Hemingways, the Kings. We, women writers, don't have that luxury. We can be bohemian and promiscuous, but never ungrateful.

The more I look at her, the more this whole situation makes sense, as if we're connected. My writer and I and the pee, like we're part of a bigger plan. I can feel it, quoting Troy Bolton, 'the start of something new.' I know she can feel it too. She's asleep, but I know we are kindred spirits. It's like we're in the womb, filled with warm yellow liquid gestating something. A new life. Stories of the future. She hasn't looked at me all this time, she must be so confused feeling all these emotions and having no idea what's going to happen.

We're suspended in this creative fluid above all the other passengers, connected with the stars, streaming from the glass of my window to us. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and the lights dazzle, in the morning or noon. I startle, thank the flight attendant, and apologize for being the last one to exit. And I pray that the love of my life isn't a telepath on this same flight.

[littlewalken]

Aug 12

And we never ever have to hear about how wonderful it would be to live in the apartment complex by the grocery store again. I didn't even go on the tour. Here's why-

It's a U shaped complex, the back patios/porches face outwards. One side faces a small parking pocket behind a discount store. It has dirt patches, a space between a small retaining wall and a fence big enough to sleep in, and at least two resident crackheads. I'm also certain the square thing on a pole between two buildings of that shopping center at the bottom of a ramp that zigzags a dozen times is the apartment complex's mail boxes because it wasn't there before.

The middle part backs up to a drive thru with a cinder block wall. Said drive thru also has parking in that section. We'll just say it's the type of local place that has large noisy family gatherings all the time. Good for them, enjoy yourselves, I already have that over my back fence and want to get away from it.

The other arm backs up to a sidewalk at a shopping center anchored by a grocery store. And prey tell, what keeps everyone from looking thru your sliding glass door, helping themselves to anything in your back patio, or being in it themselves? A short partition that can be easily climbed with enough space underneath for a pet to get out or lose child to get in.

Then there's it being a multi story unit with no elevators, outside stairs, and wet winters that have included some snow or hail in the past. The view of a branch of the San Andreas fault is blocked by another complex.

I didn't even take the tour, I just watched Good Omens on my phone so the smothering unit would no longer have to be curious about what they look like inside. The square footage also seems to include the back patio or deck and the walkway in front or something.

Ah but Little Walken you said you liked the complex at the other shopping center. Because that one has the entire property fenced in. It's still too expensive, not a 55+ community, and I got to tell the bitch there something akin to 'so, you don't want "poor" people living here' because our disabled asses are on rental assistance.

The goal is to get us in like a 1 bedroom, or a complex with 1 bedroom places, so I won't have to move when the inevitable comes. Then again most one bedrooms are bigger than what we're in.

***

Didn't do any retail therapy yesterday, I feel so proud of myself. Got away from the place, got something to eat, looked forward to my next whatever.

Looked thru the writing and found I had started some actual sentences on a story I'd like to work on anyway. I just want to make the main character's inner monolog more neurotic.

[goldenraeofsun]

Day 6: Cemetery Boys

CemeteryBoysGB

Have you seen this? I'm so proud of them

TimeOut NY reports that the group behind the hit album "Free Will," will be playing a sold out show at Madison Square Garden September 18. Comprised of brothers, Sam Winchester (percussion) and Dean Winchester (guitar, vocals), Benny Lafitte (bass), Garth Fitzgerald IV (guitar), and Castiel Shurley (keyboard), the Cemetery Boys sat down with TimeOut to discuss their sudden fame and their plans to shake up the music industry.

Read more

Dennyspancakes

Dean said Benny gets stage fright and he sits with him in a quiet place before each performance??? Im going to launch myself into the sun

TeamFreeWill

athssklansjdisjkfjah

AgentSwift

Dean sits with him because he is an exceptionally kind person. I wouldn’t read too much into it.

Benjaminwinchestr

i just love that D & B sit that close together without even thinking about it. Yup nothin to see here officer, just two boys sitting this close together cause it's not gay

AFollyofFizzles

It's a little gay

7,881 notes

Winfit2000

Title: Lost at Sea

Rating: Explicit

Length: 120,000 words

Summary: Fed up with his life in 18th century high society, Dean's plan is simple: sneak out during his brother's 14th birthday ball and stowaway on The Louisiana.

And all goes to plan, that is, until his ship is invaded by the notorious pirate, Benny Lafitte, and his crew.

Notes: Here it is, my BDBB fic! It's been a labor of love for so many months, I'm so relieved it's done. Go check it out and @sogetthis's fantastic art!

Tag list under the cut

69 notes

Cemetery Boys Retweeted

Saturday Night Live - SNL @nbcsnl

Thank you all, @VictorHenriksen and @cbboys for an amazing #snlpremiere ! Thanks for watching, goodnight!

|

Dean Winchester @Impala67

Replying to @nbcsnl

Had a blast at #SNL! Shoutout to @cajunvamp for missing his cue cause he was staring at Andrea Kormos

|

Benny Lafitte @cajunvamp

Replying to @Impala67

Why you gotta call me out like that, man?

|

Dean Wincheter @Impala67

Replying to @cajunvamp

One word: Purgatory

|

Benny Lafitte @cajunvamp

Replying to @Impala67

Fair.

|

Benny Lafitte @cajunvamp

Replying to @cajunvamp

Wait. I thought you owed me for saving your hide in Purgatory?

|

Dean Winchester @Impala67

Replying to @cajunvamp

Don’t make me bring @ihatethursdays into it

|

Benny Lafitte @cajunvamp

Replying to @Impala67

Ha! You know he doesn’t use Twitter.

Benjaminwinchestr

How did a PWP about Benny getting nervous before SNL get so angsty? This was supposed to be short! Anyway, have some smut, bitches ~

Keep reading

SpoopysofLove

So hot! Bravo.

AFollyofFizzles

The cuddling at the end killed me. I am dead.

159 notes

Fandom

Ships

Week Ending October 8th, 2021

1. Winfit +7 Dean Winchester & Benny Lafitte, The Cemetery Boys

2. Buddie -1 Evan Buckley & Edmundo Diaz, 9-1-1

3. Supercorp +2 Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Supergirl

4. Suselle -2 Susie & Noelle, Deltarune

5. Bakudeku -2 Bakugou Katsuki & Midoriya Izuku, Boku No Hero Academia

CemeteryBoysGB

Here I am making a uquiz in the year of our lord 2021. Please take it. I am so bored.

Plus you know you want to find out which Cemetery Boy you are

Winfit2000

I got Benny!

Deanspie

You are the heart of the group, the glue that holds all your friends together. Where would they be without you? Probably in their own separate garage bands.

I’m actually not too bummed about getting Garth

AFollyofFizzles

Omg I got Dean

Deanspie

@AFollyofFizzles brb dying

AgentSwift

Apparently I am most like Sam.

238 notes

Dennyspancakes

Super nervous, but here��s my first Cemetery Boys art!

Image description: Dean, Benny, Garth, Sam, and Castiel playing in a graveyard using instruments made of bones.

Tag list under the cut

CemeteryBoysGB

Amazing! I looove this idea

AgentSwift

This is wonderful. You perfectly captured Sam’s face when he gets to use the gong.

Cajunwonderkind

Do you mind if I use this as my desktop wallpaper? All of the other art I like is shippy and super NSFW lol

82 notes

AgentSwift

I have written a short story about Dean and Castiel’s first meeting and first kiss ten years later.

Keep reading

CemeteryBoysGB

Ooh, a rarepair out in the wild! Love it.

TeamFreeWill

Almost passed this up because of the ship, but I’m a sucker for 1st person POV. Your Dean voice was on fucking point. Your Cas needs work tho

4 notes

Cemetery Boys - Fenris

191,021 views ● October 31, 2021

Listen to the newest album “Free Will” out now!

Winfit2000

I did not expect them to do a Teen Wolf spin with the Fenris vid and now I’m having 2012 Tumblr flashbacks with all these gifs

HarryPooper

At least they had more than Teen Wolf’s $5 budget

PumpkinheadSam

Do you think Dean or Benny had any idea this would convert hundreds of furries into CB fans??

AgentSwift

What are furries?

CemeteryBoysGB

Oh my sweet summer child.

912 notes

BenjaminWinchestr

[its_happening.gif]

Okay, yes I know I’ve been reading this with my shipper glasses surgically glued to my head, but COME ON how else are we going to read this???

Deanspie

What’s happening??? I’ve been stuck at work all day

BenjaminWinchestr

Paps caught Benny walking into a jewelry store with Castiel. They specialize in rings!

TeamFreeWill.

I still don’t get it

BenjaminWinchestr

Dean and Castiel have been friends for ages - he was the first person Dean & Sam got to join the band

IF Benny was buying a ring, who do you think he’d go for advice on what to get Dean???

TeamFreeWill

Sam?

BenjaminWinchestr

I’ve seen Sam’s hair. If he can’t get a good hairdresser, he for sure can’t pick out a ring

1,908 notes

Dean Winchester @Impala67

I said yes!

|

Benny Lafitte @cajunvamp

Replying to @Impala67

Congrats, brother! @ihatethursdays is finally making an honest man out of you #Destiel

|

Sam Winchester @lawboy

Replying to @Impala67

About time guys. Is that a real hashtag? #Destiel

|

Rowena @megacoven

Replying to @Impala67

You know what would be a great song to play at your wedding? My duet with Tweety Pie. #Destiel

|

Garth Fitzgerald IV @MrFizzles

Replying to @Impala67

Congratulations!!! I’ve never seen you both happier <3 #Destiel

Winfit2000

[emma_stone_crying.gif]

No words

10,019 notes

CemeteryBoysGB

HOLD ON - according to Dean and Castiel’s interview with GLAAD, it took them ten years to get together. Dean has tattoos of a flaming star and Cas’s handprint.

Why is this familiar?

TeamFreeWill

@AgentSwift wrote a fic with that!

CemeteryBoysGB

That’s it! @AgentSwift what gives?

PumpkinheadSam

@AgentSwift

Dennyspancakes

@AgentSwift

VampirePirateFacts

@AgentSwift

1,518 notes

CemeteryBoysGB

CASTIEL HAS A TUMBLR.

AFollyofFizzles

[Dean_Screaming.gif]

CemeteryBoysGB

“Why Twitter?” Dean repeats, considering the question. He looks over at Castiel, who shrugs. “I see it as the best, most direct way to communicate with the fans. And I made the announcement because Cas is pretty much only on Tumblr, which is anonymous, so we couldn't say it there. He only follows a few fan accounts, anyway.” - US Weekly

I’M BEING PERSONALLY ATTACKED BY DESTIEL (affectionate)

3,270 notes

[harleyqueennnnn]

Ryan Reynolds and Michelle Swift doing the Wired Autocomplete interview

[the camera opens up with Ryan and Michelle sitting next to each other]

R: Hi I'm Ryan Reynolds and I play Adam in the new Netflix movie: The Adam Project

M: And I'm Michelle Swift and I play Laura.

[suddenly, the pair burst out laughing for no apparent reason]

Cut

M: Today, we'll be doing the wired autocomplete interview

[someone off-screen hands them a board, Michelle catches it]

R: nice catch

M: thanks, ok so first question

[Michelle rips the first strip]

M: Ryan Reynolds Canada? That's all it says

R: yeah, I'm from Canada

M: of course, Canadians really are just the nicest people, ok next one,

[Michelle rips another slip]

M: Ryan Reynolds Wife, I'll answer that, she's Blake Fucking Lively, and she's literally a goddess

R: couldn't have said it better myself

M: Ryan Reynolds diet

R: I have a very specific diet that consists of baby pandas and baby cheetahs

[Michelle laughs and nods her head as if agreeing]

M: but on a cheat day sometimes you eat baby giraffes

Cut

[michelle rips another slip as Ryan is drinking from a bottle of water he didn't have earlier]

M: Ryan Reynolds favourite movie to film, you know what, I'm actually curious for this one too

R: I'm going to have to say Free Guy, because it was just so chaotic and fun to film and Shawn Levy is amazing

M: I'm going to have to agree with that

[she rips off another one]

M: Ryan Reynolds birthday

R: October, 23rd

[she rips off another slip]

M: is Ryan Reynolds good at math?

R: Absolutely not, I flunked math

M: samesies!!

[they high five]

M: no idea why we're so proud of that

[they both laugh]

[she rips off the final one on the board]

M: okay last one on the board, Ryan Reynolds and Michelle Swift friends, I'm going to answer that, we are mortal enemies. Every day I'm plotting ways to kill him, in fact, I'm holding a knife behind him as we speak,

[michelle's face shows determination and Ryan can't help by laugh]

R: same, I mean if you go in the basement you'll see photos of her with the eye all scratched out

[they both start cackling]

Cut

[Michelle throws the board, but when it lands with a crash, she flinches slightly]

M: okay, ignoring that...

[Ryan laughs and catches the board with Michelle's questions]

R: Okay, let's see...

[he rips off one slip]

R: Is Michelle Swift related to Taylor Swift

M: No, I honestly have no idea who she is and why she has the exact same rare last name as me, I don't know why anyone would think we're related

[michelle's face is completely serious and shows no sign of sarcasm, Ryan laughs and Michelle lets a smile break through]

[Ryan rips off another slip of paper, but accidentally rips it off halfway, Michelle sighs playfully before ripping off the rest with her finger nail]

R: okay, Is Michelle Swift adopted

M: yes I am, Andrea and Scott Swift adopted me when I was 4

[Ryan rips off another one]

R: Michelle Swift's birthday

M: My birthday is April 16th

[Ryan rips off another one]

R: Is Michelle Swift single

M: I'll let you decide that on your own

[michelle smirks whereas Ryan just looks confused]

R: So you're not dating Tom?!

M: never said I wasn't

Cut

R: Okay, Michelle Swift sexuality

M: Bi and ready to die

[Ryan laughs and rips off the next slip]

R: Michelle Swift Taylor Swift squad and best friends

M: there are too many, I'm going to try to just name a few, Okay.

[michelle takes a deep breath in as if she's about to recite 50 names in one second]

M: Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift herself, Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds, Seb Stan, Lizzie Olsen, Tom Hiddleston, Zendaya, Hailee Steinfield, Andrew, Ariel Winter, Ella aka Lorde, Sarah Hyland and GiGi Hadid.

R: wow

M: yep, that was, quite the journey

[he rips off the last slip of paper]

R: Michelle Swift real age

M: Okay, first off, I feel like they're implying that I'm usually lying about my age, but I was born in 1997 and I'm twenty-four.

[the last board is handed to them, the questions are Ryan Reynolds and Michelle Swift]

R: Ryan Reynolds and Michelle Swift The Adam Project

M: I can't tell if that's a statement, question or just a bunch of words jumbled together

R: you know what, same

M: but to continue on that, yes we are both in the new Netflix movie - The Adam Project. I play Laura and he plays Adam

R: it was so fun to film

M: absolutely, what was your favourite part?

R: I think my favourite was when Walker Scobell was staring at you with awe and talking about how he was such a huge fan of you, and I was just standing right there and he totally ignored me

M: oh my god! I remember that! He was so cute, and an amazing actor

R: agreed

M: another thing I loved, was when I got to witness the reunion of Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner, I used to watch that movie as a kid all the time with Tay.

R: if I'm being honest, I geeked out a little too

[Ryan rips off the next one]

R: Ryan Reynolds and Michelle Swift movies together

M: ooh this is a good one

R: we've been in a few movies together actually

M: yeah, ok so let me think...

cut

M: We were in Red Notice together, you played Nolan Booth and I played The Bishop (A/N: basically she replaced Gal Gadot)

R: And as mentioned before, we were in The Adam Project, I was Adam and you were Laura, you know I just realized that all your characters are super badass

[Michelle smiles and laughs]

M: I'm so lucky for that, finally we were both in Free Guy, you played Guy and I had a tiny little cameo as one of the heroes or whatever

R: yep

M: Okay, last question

[she ripped it off]

M: Ryan Reynolds and Michelle Swift dancing?

R: what's that about?

[they look confused for a second until a look of realization hits Michelle]

M: ohhhh

R: what?

M: I think it's that video that Blake posted of us dancing?

R: oh yeah, so I am not a dancer if that's the question

M: I did ballet for 17 years, but I'm not a professional dancer

cut

M: That was fun

R: Yeah, we gotta do that again soon

M: Anyway, I'm Michelle Swift

R: And I'm Ryan Reynolds

M: make sure to watch Netflix's The Adam Project

R: yep

[Michelle turns to Ryan]

M: by the way, tell Blake that I'll be seeing her tomorrow for brunch

cut

END OF VIDEO

Recommended:

THE ADAM PROJECT TEASER TRAILER

Taylor Swift and Michelle Swift being cute sisters for 27 minutes straight

Blake Lively and Michelle Swift being besties for 18 minutes straight

47, 914, 225 views • 14 April 2022

3M 👍 12K 👎

20, 988 comments

Leanne Jeanne: Okay but like the ending talking about Blake is ICONIC

swiftie13: Michelle talking about Blake is too accurate

Cassandra: Ryan, Michelle, Blake and Taylor are best friend goals

peter parkour: EVERYONE, MICHELLE IS NOT SINGLE #tomchelle is real

tomchelle fan: She didn't deny dating him

that pizza girl: they ain't even slick about hiding their relationship

Jessie's girl: Ryan is so cute!

Donut Lover: Them geeking about 13 going on 30 and Mark Ruffalo is so accurate

step on me: I had no idea Michelle did ballet

Laura Chanel: So we agree they're dating?

[kileyrose-2003]

Snakebite Andi x Fem! Reader Part 2

A/N: Hi guys! This is the continuation of what @wendyfuckintorrance requested because I went absolutely nuts writing this one. Hope you all enjoy part 2. Link to one is below. Same warnings apply.

August, 2011:

In those same moments Andi was being turned on that dark, Staten Island beach you laid in bed at the nearest open hospital in Colorado. The pains of labor radiating through your body. Machines beeped and buzzed around you wildly and it fueled your hysteria more.

"I can't-I can't do this!" You sobbed as the midwife examined you. "8 centimeters, sweetie. Only two more to go." She took her gloves off and gave your leg a reassuring pat. "No! Not two more. I can't..I want it out. I want it out. I want it out."

The lady smiled at you sympathetically and left the room. Once she left, your dad entered and sat down next to you. "Daddy, I can't. I can't!"

"Shh..I know baby, I know." He squeezed your hand and wiped your forehead off with a wet paper towel with his open one. "Where's mom? I want mom," You cried. You wanted Andi too but you knew all too well that was a wish that wouldn't be granted for a long time.

"She just got off the Boulder exit a little while ago. She'll be here in a couple of minutes." You nodded feverishly and squeezed his hand as you felt your next contraction coming on. "You're doing so good, honey. I'm so proud of you."

"You shouldn't be." You winced in pain and let out a scream. "I made a mistake. I fucked up." He shushed you. "None of this is your fault, alright? You can't help it anymore than the rest of us."

You grunted and nodded. There was a knock on the door. "You can come in." Your dad called out and your mom stepped in. "Sorry, I got stuck in traffic."

"No, no. That's fine." Your parents awkwardly hugged each other. "How are you, Y/m/n?" He asked. "Fine. You look great." Your dad nodded appreciatively and your mom made her way to your side. "Hey..how's baby?"

"Making me feel a lot of pain," You rasped. "I know..I know..Are you getting the epidural?" You shook your head. "No, it shouldn't be much longer hopefully."

"Okay sweetie." She placed a kiss against your sweaty forehead. "You have another contraction coming up." You let out a whine and she took your hand in her's. "I-it hurts!" You gasped. "I know..I know."

As the pain started to decrease you slowly let go of her head. "I-i feel something." You squirmed in the bed. "Like what?" Your mom asked softly. "I don't know..warm and-"

Your water broke and you gasped. "Oh god. Should I-"

"Yes, Y/F/N. Go get the nurse now!" Your mom urged and squeezed your hand. "Does that mean it's time?" She shrugged. "I don't know. Some women go into labor and their water never breaks. It all depends, honestly."

The midwife came back and slipped a pair of gloves on. "I'm going to examine you, Y/n. Is that okay?" You nodded and your mom held your hand as the woman stuck her fingers up by your cervix. "Nine centimeters but the head is right by the birthing canal. Get ready to have a baby, my dear."

Tears started running down your face and your mom cracked a small smile. "Aww honey, it's going to be okay."

"I'm scared!" The nurses stuck your feet on the bottom of squat bars as your dad slipped back into the room. "Alright Y/n, on the count of three we want you to push. Got it?" You nodded and bore down with all your might on the count of three.

"Good, again." You let out a scream of pain and shook your head. "I can't, I can't, I can't. Please, make it stop!" You begged into the air. "Yes, you can. You're almost their. Lean your hand down, sweetie." Your finger tips were greeted with the feel of sticky and warm hair and you let out a cry. "Oh god!"

"One more push! That's it! That's it!" The pain faded and in the midst of the chaos you heard the wail of a baby. "Y/n..she's beautiful," Your mom cried. "She.." You whispered softly.

The midwife handed the baby over to you and laid her on your. She was still dirty and sticky but you didn't care. Her little hands flailed out in the air and you smiled. She looked exactly like you.

"Hi.." You smiled and kissed the top of her head. "You're so beautiful." Tears brimmed in your eyes as your daughter cracked her little eyes open to look at you. "I'm your mommy, gorgeous."

Your daughter made a cooing noise and you grinned. "What are you naming her?" Your dad ran his thumb against your cheek. "Y/d/n..Y/d/n Andrea."

Being a teen mom was rough but you had your dad to help you and every day when you looked into Y/d/n's little eyes all the pain you went through was worth. Even when she had her fevers, tantrums, cried often in the midst of the night it was worth it.

For the first time in a while since you hadn't seen Andi, you finally had someone provided you with a sense of happiness and took the pain away. You tried sending her pictures of the baby numerous times but to no avail. It hurt but at least you had someone to love.

There was nothing that brought you more joy than hearing your daughter's little feet softly tapping down the stairs in the morning. She'd giggle as she'd run through the living room, jumping up behind you while you stood at the stove top making breakfast. "I got you mommy!" She would exclaim excitedly and wrap her tiny arms around your middle. You would smile widely and scoop her up in your arms. Sometimes twirling her around in a little circle.

"Yes you do, my sunshine." And she would always giggle and kiss your cheek. "Mommy, I'm not the sun! That's the sun."

"I know but who needs that sun when I have you?" Giggles would turn into a tiny aww followed by an 'I love you mommy' behind it.

She was the most affectionate and beautiful little girl. Everyone around her, including your parents, enjoyed her. That happiness unfortunately only lasted for six short years though. You could still remember the last day you seen her so clearly in her mind. The way her little blue dress puffed up when she moved and her little Y/c/h bounced in the wind.

It was a sleepover for a girl's sixth birthday just a little after her own and you dropped her off at the house.

"I love you mommy." She smiled as you gave her a big hug. Being only 21 you were the youngest mom in the group so the other parents could relate on your hesitance to let her go. "I love you too. Be a good girl, okay?"

"I will! I'll see you tomorrow." Except there would be no tomorrow you would ever see with her. You would never forget the girl's mother on the phone, calling you frantically.

"She's gone!" The woman screamed into your ear at the way early hours in the morning. "What do you mean she's gone?"

"She's gone! I don't know where she went. One of the girls were sleeping next to her on a sleeping bag because she missed you and the kid woke up in the middle of the night and she wasn't there.."

You lost track of how many interviews and calls you shared with detectives over the past couple of months and you became an empty shell of a person. Yet again your parents were left to pick up the pieces in the aftermaths of a tragedy you were dealt and you grief grew.

"Why don't you adopt?" Your father asked the one night as he sat with you in your dining room as the two of you shared a meal together. "I can't bring myself to..no one can ever replace her."

It was a quiet Saturday night and you were at your dad's house, making sure he was all comfy before you went home. Your parents weren't exactly the youngest anymore and you brought it upon yourself to take care of them the way they took care of you.

"You have everything you need? Blanket, water-"

"Yes for the thousandth time, Y/n. I have everything." Your dad settled into his recliner. "Okay, I just wanted to make sure."

"You cook me meals, sit with me during the day if I don't work, trust me I'm okay. Look, I know you feel like you have some sort of debt you owe your mother and I-"

"Dad-"

"You don't. Period. You've been through alot and I in particular was absent for a portion of it. You owe me nothing. I owed a debt and now I'm paying it so just don't be so hard on yourself." You nodded solemnly. "Got it, dad."

He held his arms to you. "Now give me a hug before you go." You did as he asked and he rubbed little circular shapes on your back. "Love you kiddo."

"Love you too." You felt your phone vibrating in your back pocket but you ignored it. "Try and get a solid nights sleep if not you, for me?"

"Dad-"

"I'm sorry..I'm just worried about you. You haven't been same since Y/d/n di-"

"Please don't say that word." You begged. "Y/n, I know it hurts but honey. She's been gone for months. If they haven't found her yet, chances are that no one will. Living in this sorrow, this despair, fear, it's going to kill you."

"I know! I just..I'm not ready to give up yet. I can't. She's all I had since I left Arizona and it's the only thing that fills the pain a little bit." Tears brimmed in your eyes and your dad wiped them away. "I know, I'm just saying. Be careful please and just take care of yourself, if not for you then for me because that will make me happy. Kay?"

"Okay." He released from his embrace and kissed your cheeks. "I love you." You wiped the tears from your eyes and picked up your purse. "Love you too. Bye dad." He gave a tiny wave as you stepped out the door.

You walked out to your car and checked your phone. There was a missed call from a Colorado number on your phone but you didn't bother to call back. If they couldn't bother to leave a voicemail, it couldn't of been that important.

You put the keys in the ignition and began your short drive home, thinking on what your dad said. It had been almost seven years since you seen Andi. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time you just gave up.

You pulled into your driveway and shut the car off, making sure to lock it before preparing to enter your house.

You opened the door and stepped inside. "Odd, I thought I shut all the lights off," You shrugged and took your shoes and jacket off. You put your foot on the first step on your stairway to the second floor.

"Y/n." You froze and grabbed your gun you had hidden by your front door. "Whoever's there, I'm warning you! I have a gun!"

"Y/n, come closer sweetie." You hesitantly did as the person and found yourself in your living room. "I did what you asked, damn it! Show yourself!"

You felt a gentle tap on your shoulder and you let out a yell, dropping the gun on the floor as you spun the other direction. "Andi?!"

You faced the intruder with mixed emotions. "Long time, no see." She pulled you close to her and held you tight. You grabbed onto the back of her clothes and gripped them as if to see if she was really there and cried.

"Y-you found me," You rasped and wrapped your arms around Andi's neck. "I told you I would." She pressed her lips against yours. Her teeth sank into them feverishly, asking for permission to enter your mouth. You opened up and your tongues battled for dominance, Andi clearly overpowering you. You both pulled away from each other, gasping for breath.

You looked deep into her pretty blue eyes. She hadn't changed at all in the last six years, which wasn't a bad thing because even in her worst moments you thought she was one of the most beautiful women you've ever seen, but she felt different. Something about her changed. "What's the matter?" Andi smiled and held your hand in hers. "You haven't aged..at all." She pulled you close to her and held you tight. "I know. Isn't that a good thing?"

"Yeah. You look beautiful." Her clothes smiled like embers from a fireplace and you nuzzled into the warmth. "So do you." She kissed you over and over again, taking in the pictures on the wall over you house.

'Damn it. I didn't even think she might of just walked through the door with the kid.' She thought but yet again, she couldn't remember hearing you speak to anyone on your way in. "Y/n, I know it's late but where's mini me?" Your smile faded and you said nothing, loosening your grip on Andi. Andi pulled away from you and figured out the answer based on the answer based on your lack of response and that empty look on your face. "Oh god.."

"It's my fault," You hummed with tears brimming in your eyes. "I should of never of let her go to that slumber party." You hitched a sob and started hysterically crying.

"Hey, hey.." Andi tried to calm you down. "I'll never forget how horrible it felt! She was my everything and was the only thing that took the pain away of not being able to see you." You fanned your eyes in an attempt to stop the tears but failed.

"Y/d/n had a bunch of friends and she begged me and begged to go to this slumber party but I just had that bad feeling. That one I get when I know something is going to happen," You sniffled. "I met the girl's mom throwing the party. She seemed nice enough. Andi, I wish you could of seen the look she gave me when she asked to go. It was so cute and I couldn't say no so I let her go and I should of never let her go. She kissed my cheek and told me thank you a million times over and I'd see her tomorrow and she loved me. It was six in the morning when her friend's mom called and she was just..gone!"

"Okay..okay." Andi rocked you back in forth in her arms trying to contain the panic inside her that was bubbling up. The True, Andi included, looked at killing rubes almost as if it was killing deer, but the thought of her hurting you like that killed her in the inside. She held you as you cried into her chest. "Is she..you know.."

"No one knows but deep down inside I think I know she's not-" You couldn't even finish your sentence. You just kept crying. "She's gone and it's all my fault."

"Y/n, you couldn't of known." You shook your head. "I'm a horrible mother!" Andi kissed the tears away from your face. "Don't say that. You loved her and I'm sure she knew that." That feeling of panic bubbled up more inside her. No..she couldn't of hurt your daughter. She wouldn't hurt you daughter. She would felt her connection to you and would of never of went along with it but at the same point, maybe just maybe, she would of out hunger.

"You got a picture of her?" You nodded and hicupped slightl. "W-why? What does it matter if I told you she's gone?"

"Just..do you have a picture of her?" You nodded and grabbed one of you and her on Christmas off the coffee table. Andi looked at the picture intensely and breathed a sigh of relief. She never seen your daughter before. "Thank god.."

"Thank god, what?" You asked. "Nothing, it's just..Fuck it. I was going to have to tell you anyways but this just threw my whole plan off." Your body stiffened and you sniffled, trying to bottle in all your anxiety. "Andi, what the hell did you do?"

"Why don't you just sit down first?" She plopped down on your sofa. "Fuck," You mumbled softly and sat down across from her. Andi grabbed your hand and squeezed it. "So after you left, things with my dad got worse..way worse." Your face softened and you rubbed the top of her hand. "He got drunk the one day and he went at me more than usual and," Andi started crying. "He passed out drunk in his recliner and I killed him."

"Andi.." You wiped one of the tears away from her cheeks. "I killed him! I took one of my mother's knitting needles and I gave him what he deserved." She laughed and the sound of it made your blood run cold though you'd be lying if you said if you didn't think the man deserved it. The man was a prick for as long as you could remember and he wasn't exactly a saint.

"My mother came home and she freaked out. 'He never did any of those things to you,' she said. 'You're lying.' So she called the cops and I ran. They never found me obviously but they're still looking for me. I travelled all over for a few months and then I found myself in Staten Island."

"W-what happened in Staten Island?" You asked, a little afraid of the answer. "I met these people, Y/n. Special people, like us. The leader, Rose the Hat, beautiful woman by the way, she's a genius. They gave me a gift and a family."

"What type of a gift?" Andi just smiled. "Eternal life." Her face was serious but you couldn't help but laugh. This all had to be some sick joke. "Bullshit."

"No, really. It's true." Her eyes flickered to the haunting blue. "Don't you think they look pretty now?" You screamed and pulled away from her, nearly falling off the couch. "Andi, what the fuck?!" You screamed at her.

"Just think about it Y/n. If I'm immortal and you're immortal we can be together now, forever. Nothing can tear us apart ever again."

"Andi this is cult shit. Like all the horror movies we watched on TV as kids. How did you even become immortal, what the fuck is up with your eyes, and who the fuck are these people?" Your breathing was ragged and you could feel your body trembling.

She furrowed her brows almost as if she was mad at you. "They're not just people. They're my family. We're The True Knot and what is tied can never be untied. They do this turning on special like us, the steamy ones."

"Steamy?" She nodded. "You know, how I can push people to do things they wants and you can feel bad things before they happen? We inhale the steam and it makes us live forever."

"Where do you get it from?" Andi hesitated before answering. "People..mostly kids."

"You kill people so you can live forever? Andi, that's not right. It's not sane! You're like a fucking vampire!" You screamed. "Empty devils actually," She corrected like it was nothing.

"Were you the one that hurt her?!"

"Who?"

"My daughter and be honest or I swear to god I will rip you apart limb for limb." You growled. "I didn't- I wouldn't hurt your daughter, ever. She's a part of you and that's precious to me." You narrowed your eyes.

"I know it sounds bad but we live forever. We can be together forever. Don't you want that?" Andi held your face in her hands.

"N-no," You said and pushed her away. "N-no?" Andi's smile faded and her eyes flicked up like a snake. You nodded and bit your bottom lip. "I don't even know you anymore. You're not my Andi."

"Y/n. I know I'm different but it's still me. I still love you." You shook your head. "But you're not you though. Your dad was a dick. I can understand that but all the death, the madness..you've gone down a path I can't follow. What you've done isn't even bad, it's just sick."

"Y/n-"

"It's wrong! Think of all those kids you hurt, those poor kids and their parents. Do you know how horrible it feels to lose a child? To think they're going to be safe at a friend's slumber party and be home the next morning and they never come back, and have that small hug and kiss you had with them as the last confusing interaction you had because nothing makes sense and how the pain just never goes away?" You had tears slowly falling down your cheeks.

"No, I wouldn't know and I'm sorry that some sick rube fuck would do that to you but think of it this way, do you cry when a cow is killed?" Your went wide in disbelief. "What?!"

"Do you cry when a cow is killed?" You shook your head. "No, but-"

"That's what we eat is essentially. Rubes are nothing more but a cow waiting for slaughter." You just stared at her, not knowing what to say or do.

"See?" She smiled at you and caressed your cheek. "Nothing to get upset about. That's all it is and nothing more."

"Call me sentimental but I think people have more worth then a cow." Andi made a face and shrugged. "If you say so."

Their was awkward silence for a moment and Andi moved closer to you. "Y/n, please say something," She begged. "Leave."

"What?"

"You heard me Andi." You refused to meet her eyes that you knew were brimming with tears from just her tonality. "Y-y/n, I just found you and I don't want to lose that again. I-i love you!"

"I know you do but I'm sorry. I can't be with you. Not when you're like this." Andi's face went from hysterical to stone cold. "Fine." She picked her purse and walked towards the door, looking at you longingly for a moment before leaving.

You watched her get into an RV and drive off. Once she was out of sight you slumped down onto your couch and covered your face, beginning to cry.

Meanwhile Andi angrily pulled into the Bluebell Campground, the RV coming to the a screeching hault.

Rose, who was a deep state of meditation found her pattern broken at the sound of it. She angrily withdrew her hand from lap, disturbing Crow Daddy who had his head laying on her legs. "The fuck?" She whispered and moved away from him.

"Andi's back already?" He groaned, beginning to sit up. "Yeah. I thought she was going to take longer." She stood up off her pillows. "I'm going to go check on her. I'll be back in a minute."

"Okay," Crow hummed and placed a gentle kiss on her hand. Rose smiled softly and kissed the top of his head before climbing down the ladder and strolling over to Andi's RV. She knocked once before entering.

"You know, I know like to show off sometimes but you don't-" Rose stopped what she saying and shut the door behind her. "What's the matter?" She asked, seeing Andi's tears.

"She turned me away.." She grumbled. "Me! Of all people." Rose sat down next to Andi and tried to get her to look her in the eye. "Did she why or-"

"She's mad at me! She doesn't love me anymore." Rose had to bite her tongue to stop herself from making some remark about you being a stupid rube since she knew how highly Andi always spoke of you.

"Honey, I'm sure that's not true. Did she say that?" Andi shook her head. "N-no! She said she didn't agree with what we did and that she still loved me but just the way she looked me..she looked so ashamed of me!"

Rose hesitantly pulled Andi into a hug. "Well..maybe she just needs time to come around." The younger woman shook her head. "No..she just doesn't want me!"

Rose said nothing a pressed a kiss against her temple. "And then she accused me of doing something to her daughter and I couldn't-I would never-"

"I know..I know. Just give her some time. Because if she does love you the way you say she does, I'm sure she'll come around." Andi only shook her head. "No..she won't. Not this time."

For the next two weeks Andi moped around the campsite, her moods going from high to low and her temper higher than ever.

The whole True noticed it and they were concerned. Everyone tried to talk to her about it and give her advice in many different ways but nothing worked.

On day 14 Rose could finally take no more and she pulled Crow aside to talk. "Look! I know it's not my place but fuck! I can't take this anymore. She's sad all the time and if I have to keep playing nice every time she makes a bitchy remark to me I'm going to not be so fucking nice anymore."

Crow took his hands in her's. "I know..I know. What can we really do for her though, Rosie? If the girl doesn't want to be with her, we can't force her."

"I don't care! If that's the key to her happiness and the end to Andi's bitchness then I want her."

"Rosie-"

"I want her- I fucking want her!"

A few days later you were laying on the couch and reading a book when you heard a knock. It was persistent and you let out a groan. "I'm coming!" The knocking became more urgent and you groaned. "I said I'm coming!"

You looked out the peephole and seen a woman standing on your porch. You cracked the door open. "Well, hi there! Y/n, isn't it?" You hesitantly open the door more and nodded. "Top hat, grey eyes, you must be Rose."

"Your intelligence is well noted, my dear." "She pushed her way past you and slipped through the door, grabbing the sides of your face. "My, aren't you a pretty thing? I see why Andi is so over the moon with you." You shoved Rose away from you. "What the hell makes you think you're welcome in my house?"

"Oh I'm not but desperate times call for desperate measures." She hung her coat up on a hook and walked past you, looking around your living room. "Desperate times?" You asked and she nodded. Rose took one of the picture frames off the wall and looked deeply into a picture of you and your daughter. You wanted to rip out of her hands and scream at her not to touch it but all it would do would give her more kicks. At least it seemed that way at first.

For a second you could of swore you almost felt something close to Rose being sentimental. Once you seen that she wasn't doing it for kicks, the urge faded. "What was her name?" She ran a thumb across the clean glass and focused deeply into it. "Y/d/n."

"Y/d/n," She reiterated silently. "Yes..I see why you're defensive now. You have a steamy little spawn..pretty like you too. I don't have to be around her to see that." Rose turned her head away from the picture. "I can assure you though, I don't have her. Or have ever had her in my possession at any point if that brings you any closure."

You nodded and rubbed your face. "What do you want?" Rose sat down on the small sofa. "I wanted to have a talk with you. It's your house, honey. Sit, please."

You sat down across from Rose who took your hands in hers. "My Andi-"

"She's not yours. She's her own person but go on."

Rose grinned. "My, I struck a nerve. Didn't I? Anyways, Andi is not well." You furrowed your brows. "Oh? How so?"

"She has not been the same since she seen you. Some times when I see Andi, she is an empty shell. She'll come out of her trailer and eat, after that she goes back in and I don't see her for the rest of the day. Other days she's more feisty."

You had to fight the urge to let out a bitter laugh. "You haven't noticed she has mood swings by now?"

"This is different," Rose snapped. "It's concerning the family and no matter what efforts I've taken to wipe your existence from her mind, she refuses to forget you. So-"

"If you're going to ask me to come with you, don't expect me to give you a different answer then I gave Andi."

Rose smiled gamely. "I expected as much but I'm not asking, I'm telling you that you're coming with me." She turned her attention to the dark corner of the room.

"Daddy, I thought you were never coming." You shivered and slowly rotated your body to look in the corner. The only thing you could see were those same haunting blue eyes Andi showed you. A see of blood flashed over your eyes momentarily.

"Traffic was a bitch." He changed his gaze to look at you. "That Y/n?" Rose nodded and stood up. "Y/n, who's giving me a hard time so I might need your assistance."

She smiled down at you and pulled a needle out of her pocket. "The stiller you stay, the easier this will go for you."

"Fuck you." You kicked the coffee table and went to go run out the front door. "Crow!" Rose screamed. "Already on it, Rosie." As soon as your hand connected with the door knob you felt two pairs of hands grasp your mind. Your body went cold and you attempted to let out a scream but nothing happened. "I told you not to run, sweetie," Rose tutted and had Crow wrap his arms around your collar bone.

"Just a little pinch, sweetie." You winced as you felt the needle puncture your skin and the drug entering your body. You fought to keep your eyes open but you felt so tired. "Don't fight it." Rose grinned and patted the top of your head. "Sleep."

Eventually you went limp in Rose's arms. "Well, that went differently than I expected." She grinned. "You have the car pulled around front?"

"You know it Rosie. Am I taking her back or are you?" She thought about it for a moment. "I will. Just in case she tries to pull something." Rose kissed his cheek. "I owe you, honeydoll."

"You owe me, nothing." He kissed her forehead. "Be careful." She hummed in response and began to carry you out to the Jeep as Crow made his way towards his RV, closing himself in.

Rose set you down sitting up and buckled you in. "Jackpot!" She slammed her hands on the dashboard and began the drive back to the Bluebell with you in tow.

When she and Crow arrived back, Andi was already asleep but it didn't stop Rose from banging on her door.

"Andi! Rise and shine!" Rose grinned and knocked loudly. It took a few minutes but Andi swung the door open. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." Rose forced her way inside. "And you couldn't of waited until tomorrow morning?!"

"Oh sweetie, you know me better than that." She caressed Andi's cheek. "Yeah, I do. Which means you have another reason for being here. So what is it?"

"You can bring her in now, Crow." Andi's eyes went wide as she seen Crow Daddy carry you inside her trailer and gently set you down on her bed.

"Y/n.." She muttered your name softly. "How did you-"

"A little sleeping works a long ways for her." Andi laughed nervously and cracked a smile at Rose. "Thank you." She hugged her tightly. "You're welcome, honey." She patted the top of Andi's head. "Get some rest, please?"

"Yeah." Andi nodded and pulled the covers over you and herself. Rose beckoned for Crow to leave and he immediately obeyed.

She nuzzled close to you in bed, taking in all your features as you slept. "My Y/n.." She hummed softly and kissed you sweetly on the lips.

The next morning when you woke up you refused to talk to Andi at all. "You're mad at me, aren't you?" There was some vulnerability you hadn't heard in Andi's voice in a long time as she handed a cup

"I'm not mad. I'm upset. There's a difference between the two." Andi sighed and sat down next to you, taking your hand in her's. "What was I supposed to do, Y/n? I had no choice."

"I know I'm just-"

"Just frustrated because neither of us had any of this be fair. At all." Andi caressed your cheek. "I know." You set your tea cup down on the table.

"Hold me?" You reached your arms out to her's and Andi pulled you close to her chest. The feeling of her warmth relieved some of the tension in your body and you nuzzled close to her.

"This feels nice.." You muttered softly. "We can have this forever if you want. I know I just..I'm not ready for that."

"And that's okay, I'll wait for you. I know I can't take all the pain away, but I'll try." Andi kissed you sweetly on the lips and you returned the gesture. "Thanks."

"Come on, it's time I introduce you to everyone." Andi held her out to touch yours and you eagerly took it as she brought you outside to meet the rest of the family.

It might of not of been traditional but you had Andi and she had you. You were home.

[picturemeinthetree]

hi taylor,

i decided to make a post for you, full of swifties who adore you! we will never be able to express how much we love you, but we tried and we do TRULY love you! i hope you like it...

PHOEBE

( @phoebelovestay )

taylor, i love you for countless reasons! you’ve helped me move past the hardest parts in my life, helped me grow and believe in myself, you’ve shown that no matter what life throws at you, you can get through it and do whatever it is you desire to do! i love how incredibly caring and kind you are! you never fail to put a smile on my face! i just truly love you so much!!!

MARTA

( @mlswiftie )

taylor, i’m so greatful because i have made SO many new wonderful swiftie friends whom i LOVE. what’s more i’m also thankful for your music because it never fails to brighten my day. honestly, i think i could write an entire essay stating all the reasons why i love you. all in all, my main point is that you’re on of the best things that have happened in my life.

MARGOT

( @goldcageswiftie )

i love you taylor because i found you when i was 10 and you bring in my life a light that i’ve lost and i’m so grateful for that! and thank you for the friendships that I’ve made because of you!

RANA

( @iwillholdontoyoutay )

hi tay! i don’t know if you are reading this now but i can truly say that you make me so happy every time. you have NO idea how much i love you and grateful to you. you’re really such an angel! umm.. i wish that i can hug you right now but i can say that I am sending you the biggest hugs, love you!!!

AUDREY

( @audreyswiift13 )

i love you taylor, i would always be grateful for everything you did for me, to have noticed me was the best day of my life! thanks to you i met wonderful people and i would be forever grateful, my heart is yours, you and me forever.

JULIA

( @onlymewithtaylor )

i love taylor cause she’s the big sister i never had, she’s caring, and i wouldn’t be the person i am today without her!

ARMITA

( @dontfknblameme )

taylor, i love you so much because you inspire me and other people to be confident. you genuinely care for other people and we’ll always love you for that.

ELLIE

( @shewasatotalbadass )

to me, taylor has always been like the sister i never had. she taught me to forgive myself and to let myself grow and change with time. seeing her strength through the years has been so inspiring to me and i’ll always be thankful for her presence in my life.

KIRSTY

( @taytayslays89 )

thank you taylor for everything! you are an amazing person and have honestly changed my life i love you so much and I hope one day i could tell you this in person!

BIBI

( @delicatswifttie )

i love taylor because she makes me more confident in myself (mentally and physically) another reason why i love her is because she has such a big heart. the amount of happiness she radiates is truly magical. i can’t wait to see what this era has in store. i love you taylor, with all my heart.

AYLIN

( @aylinlovestaylor )

i love taylor because she’s so kind and caring and she makes me the happiest person ever.

GINA

( @ginalovestaylor13 )

hey taylor. thank you so much for being everybody's inspiration, and thank you for your words. thank you for making me brave and confident. can’t wait to meet you someday

FIRA

( @tinyadorablechild )

the reason why i love taylor so much is because of her lyrics, the way she treats her fans, and her natural beauty.

LAURA

( @ts7vibes )

I love Taylor because she helps me through her music and writing and she made me believe in myself.

ANDREA

( @roseupfromthedead-swift )

taylor is such an inspiration for me, she as the power to make me happy whenever i'm feeling sad. thanks to her i learnt to accept and love myself even more! i'm so excited to see what she has planned for this new era!

MEGHNA

( @iwatchedallofitfade )

i’m thankful for Taylor because of all the things she's taught me in life through her music!

RANA

( @ranalovesswift )

taylor, thank you for keep reminding me how music will always be there for me, when no one else not. i also been playing guitar and piano, singing, and composing music, because of you. so thank you for that!

SASHA

(instagram - @sawthebestinme )

i love taylor because her music is always there for me through good or bad times!

ELENA

( @dearreputation )

i love tay because she’s so generous with everything she does and is always there for us when we need her.

ALICE

( @tswift-alice )

thank you taylor for inspiring me to be myself, no matter how weird or crazy that may be!

SOFIA

( instagram - @ts7.iscoming_ )

i love taylor because she is always there for me when i need her and she helps soo many people with her music. she really made me who i am now and she is the most beautiful and nice human being on earth.

ROSE

( @youbelongwithus )

i love taylor swift because she is the most amazing human being and she is so helpful when you need someone

LARISA

( instagram - @pretty.little.swiftie )

dear taylor, thank you for everything. i grew up with you, your music, freaking out over your gala outfits and crying while listening to your emotional speeches. you helped me define who i am, instead of letting other people label me. thank you for teaching me so many valuable life lessons over the years

LAURA

( @tswiftlaura )

hey t it’s laura! i will never be able to put into words how much you have helped me my whole life. i’m so grateful to have you & your music and we are all beyond excited for this new era! thank you so much for being who you are, i’ll forever stand by your side!

MARÍA

( instagram - @ourhandstiedd )

i love taylor because she has been the only one who has ALWAYS been with me, in good times and bad times, she and her music help me a lot to feel better, so thank you tay. she invented the clean speech and that makes me love her even more. i love her for everything that she has taught me to be a better person and have more confidence in myself. thank you, i love you taylor.

PHOEBE

(instagram @fearlesstilltheend )

hi taylor! i just wanna say thank you for everything! i’m grateful for all of the amazing swiftie friends that i have made. also, the lessons that i’ve learned through your music has taught me to be confident.

AURORA

( @auroralovestaylor )

I love Taylor because she has made me more confident in myself and in my music!

ROBYN

( instagram - @glxtteronthefloor )

i love taylor because of her kind heart and unbelievable talent. i am inspired by her determination every day!

LEXY

( instagram - @lexy.x13 )

i love taylor so much because even though she has millions and millions of adoring fans she still somehow makes sure every single one feel special!!

FIONA

( @herestotaylorsrealfriends )

i love taylor because her music gets me through everything. i love her because she is the best and most inspiring role model someone could ask for. she does so much for her fans and she just makes me incredibly happy

MESHITA

( @cherrylipsswift13 )

taylor, i literally cannot even begin to express my love for you and i'm sure the rest the fandom feels that same way. other than giving me unimaginable happiness and so many new friends from all around the world, your dedication towards your art and your kindness towards others has made you one of the people that i look up to. we will always support you in whatever you do and will love you always!

ALYSSA

( instagram - @mindtwistswift )

hey t! i love you with my entire heart and im so proud of how far you have come. thank you for everything you have done for us.

MARGO

( instagram - @minty.swift )

i love taylor because she gave me the confidence to be and love myself! we love her!

HELIN

( @noproofnotmuch13 )

taylor, you’re an actual angel!! i love you so much because you’ve helped me at my life’s hardest times, you tought me to be kind to everything. you always put a smile on my face. also i’m so grateful to have you in my life, and your music!!

DELANEY

( instagram - @delaneylovestaylor )

hi taylor, i love you so much and you are such an inspiring person i can’t wait for ts7 AHHHHHHH hope you have a good time love you!

MIREIA

( @castle-crumbled-cvernight )

i love taylor because she has helped me through rough times where i felt no one understood me. she made me feel understood. she has been there when no one else was and wrote her songs like if she was reading my diary. i think i’ll never be able to thank her everything she’s done for me.

@taylorswift we love you so so so much more than we will every be able to explain and we can’t wait to see everything you have been working on💛

[dinviataunuitiptrans]

#dinviataunuitiptrans

It's 2020 and my only resolution is to take it easy on me and go walk whenever I feel the sadness circling my soul, so this day I do just that.

I woke up freezing because the heater got broken and I know that if I stay indoors I'm gonna fall into some sort of despair so I go and brew some few cups of tea, purr them in bottles, roll up my last blunt from the stash, eat some pasta left overs from new years eve, dress myself in pretty colors and head out. It's been one hour of walking therapy so I stop by McD. to pee and then head out to the small park to have a smoke and rest my legs.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tii de adiere băşită" is the best my brain could think of when the wind blowed away the tobacco from my rizla while trying to roll, so I start all over.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tii...", this is my second attempt, the tobacco is all over my pants so I take a deep breath and keep on trying.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tiiiii!!!!"

That was my 3d attempt to roll but the wind had other plans for my lungs. But then you came bye amused by the words you didn't understand, holding a pack of cigarettes and inviting me to stop fighting the wind and have a smoke from your pack. So I take one and you take a seat next to me and we lit up the cancer tubes, I say thanks and you say I'm very cute and smile. To scare the shyness away I pretend to flip my hair in the gayest way possible:

- Oh, just cute? and I thought I was beautiful, now you destroyed my dreams to ever be an instagram sensation.

You start laughing and tell me I'm actually beautiful and we start playing this game where we kinda make fun of how dumb we as humans are, I'm cracking up silly jokes and you do the same, I tell you I find you very cute also and I apologise for shattering your dreams of being an insta model, you laugh and you give me another cigarette and then move a bit closer to me.

- You're very smart for such a young guy...are you seeing someone?

- Love, you're sweet but I'm not that young...

Then you touch my hand and tell me you already like me and that I don't have to lie to impress you because you have been with guys younger than my age. That's how I find out that I'm most likely 22 or 23 and that you're just few years older than me, you're 25. I tell you lies are not my sexy kink and that I'm born in 1984, on the 31st of May. You laugh but I see the awe on your face so I tell you the good looks run in my family and that if you see my brothers you'll know what I'm talking about.

- Show me

You say that and then cuddled so close to me that you give me no option but put my arm around you while I start pulling out pictures from the phone.

- Here is Patrick, he's the love of my life and one of the sweetest man the Universe has given us. He's gonna be 35 this year.

You say we look alike but that I'm prettier than him so I turn a bit red and start feeling kind of uncomfortable so I swipe away.

- In this picture he's with Max, they are at a court hearing. Max is the oldest one, he is in his 40s and he lives here in UK but up north. I haven't seen him for ages and I miss him and his signature paranoia very much. This is Andrei, I have tons of pictures with him, we live together and he is so sweet that every time I think of him my heart melts. Probably the reason I take secret pictures of him while sleeping.

I show you more pictures with him and tell you the story when I had to sleep in his room and how he cuddled close to me when we were sleeping and you press yourself against my body and tell me you get it why. This makes me feel even more uncomfortable cuz you kinda took up every cm of my personal space but I don't know what to do so I brush it off.

- He's 22 and he might be one of the sexiest of us but he's not the youngest, Gherman is. See? This is Gabi but I call him Gherman, this is a screenshot from one of our chats, I always do this pictures when we talk so that I have them to look at when I miss them. You would say he's 14 but actually he just turned 18. He's an adorable pain in the ass but with the soul in the right place. And this is Chriss, look how gorgeous this guy is and his heart is pure gold. He's such a talented artist but unfortunately he wasn't discovered yet, he draws nudes and erotic art and it's mind fucking blowing. This is a photo with Chriss, Rami and Teo, I almost cried when I got these pictures of them. Rami represents the whole notion of humanness and he's shy just like me.

- This guy is blonde... is he also your brother?

You pointed out to Teo so I show you more pictures with him and then pull up pictures with Andreas also.

- Yeah, we have few blondes in our family but we decided to love them nonetheless. This is Andreas, not only that he's blond but he's also a very wise man. It's always such a pleasure talking to him. He's in Germany now. Just like Leo.

I'm looking for pictures with Leo so I start scrolling for the screenshots from the last whatsapp conversation and you decide to take a break from your cuddle and have a smoke. Now I feel more comfortable even though you're still resting your body next to mine.

- Here is my adorable Leo.

- He looks alot like the first guy without the beard..

- Like Patrick?

- Yeah

You see the pictures with me and Vlăduț and you like him.

- This is your brother also, I can tell. Is he old like you?

- No, actually he's young like you. And also an amazing musician and sound therapist. He makes sounds with weird instruments and then you feel a bit better. But he's not in London anymore, he returned home, he wasn't feeling very good here.

I feel you're a bit disappointed and probably thinking that you'll have to settle with me but once you get me started with my brothers it's very hard to make me stop.

- And this is Aris, he looks like an artist because he is one, he's a painter and a tattoo artist. And this is Elias, if you're ever looking for a smart conversation then he's the guy to go to. Him or Alexander. The difference is the sarcasm of Alex versus the warmth of Elias.

Then I show you Alexander and you smile and ask me if Elias and Alex are twins but I have no chance to answer because now you're handing me your phone and ask me to pull up my fb and I do just that so you start looking around while I'm getting even more nostalgic going through the pictures in my phone. I'm looking for a picture with Abel but I have no more time to show it to you

- You're transgendered?

- Oh love, there's no such thing as being "transgendered", nobody can transgender me, I am transgender because this is how I am.

- You mean you're not a real man?

- I'm just as a real human as you are love, and for sure am a man. Just that I'm a trans man

- And you're proud of this sickness...

And then you show me my cover photo.

I felt your disgust even since you said "Trasgendered" and I know very well that look in your eyes, I once had a crazy girlfriend who used to look at me just like that and somehow it feels so fucking familiar that I sense what is going to happen next so I try my best to avoid it. I tell you that each of us has its own life to live and that people must learn to accept and embrace diversity if we want to heal this human race. I tell you that body parts are just that, body parts and that gender identity is not defined by sexual anatomy. I want to tell you more but I was right and you snap into rage mode, slap the shit out of me almost poking my eye out with your nails.

- Fucking disgusting predator, man with pussy, you should be burned alive.

You walk away in anger showing the middle finger, shouting "fuck you", so I shout back that you wish to have the luck to get fucked by such a proud trans man but that I don't fuck crazy bitches anymore so you turned around and you were fuming so I told you that if you come back to hit me again I'm gonna punch you in the face. You left. I start rolling one and feel sorry I got angry and yelled back but somehow so relieved that you went away.

Dear L.,

You have my FB now and somehow I hope this message gets to you: please get some medical help you are in desperate need, and you won't get to meet nice guys like me everywhere.

I know you have serious mental issues cuz a healthy mind wouldn't let you go to total strangers looking for their attention and affection on a bench in a park, you don't cuddle with strange men and expose yourself like that.

I lived with a girl like you, extremely violent and unstable that is, for a whole year and I know that you were just looking to meet somebody that looks like a nice guy but actually hoping to get an asshole so you can have an excuse to violently manifest your pain. Been there through that already so I know the drill. The fact that you discovered I'm transgender was just the trigger you were looking for, and I didn't feel you hated me but I did feel that you wanted to make someone suffer and you found me, so it was just a matter of time until something would have triggered you.

PS: I'm sorry I threatened you but I don't like being hit. I wouldn't have hit you back but I would have called the ambulance because I learned that being a sweet person doesn't help when somebody suffers like you do.