#and I'll do my best to comfort you
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Yall. I want to celebrate pride month and the gayest way to do that is get a boyfriend. But I'm homeschooled and socially stupid. What do I do?
#trans#trans masc#trans things#lgbtqia+#queer#for no reason whatsoever#heres a list of my date able quality's#I'll send you good morning/goodnight texts everyday#ill draw anything you want for free#im a pushover and can be easily manipulated#im a complete and total sub#I'll be the legal age of consent in a couple months (Arkansas)#and I'll do my best to comfort you#I'm only half joking lmao
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"Heroes Don't Fail" - Sonic Movie 3 Angst Prediction Fanfic (OUTDATED PLEASE IGNORE LOL)
After Tom fell ill due to protecting him from a bullet, Sonic was left to wonder if his own friends had any faith in him to begin with during their most dangerous adventure yet. He was left to wonder if him and Shadow had more of a similarity than he thought.
Trigger Warnings: Usage of handheld weaponry, child endangerment, light blood, light swearing, implied PTSD
(THIS FIC CONTAINS POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 3 AND THE FINAL TRAILER. IT IS ONLY A FIC BASED ON MY PREDICTIONS OF A MOMENT IN THE TRAILERS WHERE THE WACHOWSKI BROS ARE OUTSIDE OF A HOSPITAL BUILDING. BUT JUST IN CASE, PROCEED WITH CAUTION. EVERYTHING IS UNDER THE CUT.)
(just a little something before I return to my break thingy lol be back soon <3)
"What the hell is wrong with you, you jerk?!"
What a terrible, terrible time to get caught by G.U.N. officials, and even Commander Walters out of all people. The man responsible for that little girl's death.
Sonic and his friends were SO close to breaking in, and shut down the Eclipse Canon before it accelerated back into space, with the Robotniks, and Shadow the Hedgehog, boarding it.
Controlling it.
And now, because of Walters and his men trapping him and his family in the Robotnik base, surrounding them with their weapons, the moon has a gaping hole for the whole planet to see.
The Eclipse Canon did that.
And G.U.N. just let it happen, all because they refuse to let him and his team get to the weapon of mass destruction in time. They didn't want some randos become the heroes.
Noooo, it had to be the "Guardian Unites of Nations," the big, strong, tough guys who don't give two craps about the people around them. Only their reputation.
Which will surely go down now that Sonic's angry tone finally shown it's furious face.
Sonic never meant to swear in front of the young fox, whose ears were covered by Knuckles' mittens, even though the question was already out by the time Knuckles realized what was spoken.
But just by seeing the commander, who demands answers to why they have random people they don't even remember recruiting, and in an empty base when they should be after that hedgehog and those crazed doctors, he was fueled with rage.
Just not too long ago, Sonic made a truce with Robotnik, big mistake, and along the way found a diary of sorts. A diary that contained everything he needed to know about this Project Shadow, and this Eclipse Canon...
Before he could explain to his brothers what's going on with Shadow, he took them out. ...Again. Definitely Sonic's strongest opponent yet.
With Doctor Robotnik betraying Sonic and his friends, with Shadow himself and Robotnik's grandfather joining him, apparently, they needed extra help from their parents, and even Rachel, whose husband was an agent himself.
They posed as agents, to try and gather all the information about the Eclipse Canon, and take it down, and hopefully find Shadow and the doctors.
But... Walters just had to evade their plans. He just had to ruin everything.
Like how he ruined Shadow's life.
"...Excuse me?" Walters muttered out, taken aback by Sonic's outburst.
"Don't pretend like I don't know! I know what you did all those years ago," Sonic barked, not afraid to step forward in front of armed troops, just to get up close and personal with the commander.
"I have no idea what you're blabbering on about, Sonic," Walters shook his head in disbelief, confused yet seemingly upset at the pissed off hedgehog.
"Forgotten about Maria already, huh?"
The mere mention of her name made the old man's eye brows rose lightly, but no body in the room could tell. But Sonic knew that he wasn't expecting the name to be mentioned again.
He demands an explanation. He demands answers.
"Wh- what about Maria?" Walters asked, nearly fumbling over his question.
"You ever wonder why Shadow turned out the way he is? Looks like you didn't tell us the full story!" Sonic says, his fists clenched into gloved balls, with fingernails nearly poking through the fabric, "You knew all along! You kept all of this from us!"
Tails and Knuckles looked at each other, then back at Sonic who was walking closer to Walters. They don't know who Maria is or why she's involved with Shadow, but it probably might have something to do with that diary Sonic tried to talk about earlier.
"What does any of this have to do with you being in Robotnik's base?"
"Why are YOU in his base? Trying to get rid of more Robotnik related evidences?"
"Sonic," Tom, seeing that Sonic is just a few more steps away from being up to his face, reached his hand out to try and get him away from the old commander, worry showing in his eyes, "step back. He probably has a weap-"
Tom's sentence was cut off when a armed man motioned him back where he was with his gun. The warning only earned the man a death glare from the Donut Lord.
No one tells the Donut Lord to back away from his kid.
"Sonic... I... believe I owe you an explanation." Walters sigh in defeat. His sentence made his nearby men turn to face him. Despite their faces masked, they all seemed perplexed as most of Sonic's friends and family.
"An overdue one," Sonic added in retort, his brow furrowing, appearing threatening to some of the soldiers.
"I was... involved, in the incident from 50 years ago," Walters began, "I never meant to injure Maria, but I never wanted anyone to know about it... I had to cover it up."
Sonic's top muzzle scrunched. Had to cover it up?
"So you just put the blame on an innocent hedgehog?" Sonic asked loud enough to accidentally scare more of the armed men around him.
"Who said he was innocent?" Walters asked, his tone sounding annoyed, "everyone knew that Shadow had incredible power strong enough to possibly wipe out a nation! Innocent or not, he was too dangerous to be around anyone!"
"He was only 'dangerous' because you took away his closest FRIEND!" Sonic's voice cracked on the last word as he screamed it at the commander, scaring him. "You seriously think covering it up is gonna make everyone feel better?!"
Tails and Knuckles grew concerned and thought about intervening, Tom, Maddie and Rachel all exchanged shocked looks at each other, and Randell closed his eyes and looked away, feeling hurt to know about this information his own ex-commander kept from him.
"So G.U.N. has always been a thing, huh?" Sonic asked, hands on his hips, "There's just not a lot of extra-terrestrials around here to keep an eye on, so you have to retire until I came in??"
"...Precisely." Walters, once more, sigh in defeat, facing away from the enraged hedgehog.
So from Sonic's understanding, G.U.N.'s job was to destroy all friendly, alien life who dares to step foot onto beautiful planet Earth? People of this world actually rely on these guys??
"Wow. Some heroes you all are."
"We didn't want Shadow to cause more havoc!"
"YOU caused havoc," Sonic stomps his foot, "YOU guys were responsible for making Shadow feel pain and loss!" He repeated the two words at him. The ones the commander gave to him back at the Chao Garden.
All this time he thought Walters barely had any info on Project Shadow, but he was wrong. Shadow was the victim all along.
"Who says you guys can be heroes after what you've done?! He's not the villain, YOU ARE!!" His eyes glow a sharp, angry blue as he points his finger, not realizing that his hand he used was spitting out electricity at the commander, making him back up.
Because of his powers being exposed, the soldiers threatened their weapons at the blue hedgehog, who was startled by them at first, but remained angry, who glued his focus on Commander Walters.
"Sonic!" Nearly everyone exclaimed, with Tom shouting his name louder than everyone else in the room. He threw his weapon and tried to run towards him, not wanting him to get shot, but one to two men stopped him by pushing him to the ground violently.
"Thomas!" Maddie cried. She would've been by his side by now if it weren't for more soldiers guarding Tom from both her and Rachel. Randell, Tails and Knuckles all saw this too and gasped.
"Tom?" The moment Tom was planted to the ground, he turned around to see his own father figure face down on the glowing red ground.
All of that anger immediately washed away when the possibility of Tom getting hurt entered his mind, and made him vulnerable long enough for Walters to snatch him by the wrist.
"You talk too much, hedgehog," Walters says calmly yet coldly, getting ready to grab his cuffs and take the hedgehog away, along with the others, already having the idea to give orders to his men.
"Sonic!!" Tom shouted, watching this old man putting his dirty hands on his son.
"Dad!!" Sonic cried out, reaching his free hand to his father, who couldn't get up as long as a weapon was aimed right to his head.
Suddenly, a loud BANG goes off, as a bullet nearly went flying to Walters' face, but hit against the wall to his right. He snapped his head to the dent in the wall, then back at the culprit who almost shot him.
Rachel. Eyes huge, out of breath and holding one of the men's guns in her hand.
Everyone's eyes grew huge and their mouths drop agape seeing this woman do something unbelievable, especially her sister Maddie, who is almost terrified of her, if not, proud of her.
"Holy crap," Knuckles unintentionally muttered out for everyone to hear, sounding rather impressed.
"Get. Your hands. Off my nephew!" She warned the commander. Her hands trembled intensely, not wanting to pull the trigger again, but will do whatever it takes to keep her family alive and safe.
There was no response for a couple of seconds, but Sonic, shaking off the speechlessness, turned his head back at the bewildered commander, who was having flashbacks of the last time this woman fought with him.
"You heard the lady," He says, his traditional smirk still having a hint of anger written on it.
He spun into a ball and lunged at him to the stomach, making him hit against the wall.
"RUN!" Sonic ordered his family as he ran off to the nearest exit, and so everyone, fighting off the soldiers, do just that. Maddie stayed behind for a minute to help Tom up, and hugged him, before Walters gets back up.
Sonic didn't really remember all the pathways to this stinky base well enough to know where the heck he was going, or even know where the way out was.
Some nerve that old man has, though. Trying to cover up an accident just to make himself look good? Sheesh.
As long as G.U.N. is out of his way, he can finally deal with the Robotniks and Shadow.
He came to a halt however when he noticed that no body was following him.
"Guys?" Sonic turned around to see no body behind him, and was growing worried.
He runs off to the opposite direction, risking to put himself in Walters' sight again just to rescue him. He just prays that Tom is okay.
But as he makes a quick left turn, Walters was in his sight. With a weapon in hand.
"Hoo boy," Sonic whimpered.
"Trust me. I don't want to do this," Walters says, despite the look of his eyes saying otherwise.
Sonic is the fastest creature in the universe, why does he feel nervous to be held at gunpoint? He should be able to outrun it. He never deemed Walters to be threatening, he's just a jerk.
That's all there is to him.
Why should he be scared? He's not scared. He's not scared of Walters.
He's not scared of his little toy.
"Out of my way, my family's in there!" Sonic barked, ready to put up another fight with this old bully.
"You've learn too much about G.U.N.'s history. No body should know about what happened on the ARK. You have no right to have this information with you." He says, still aiming at the hedgehog.
"I believe I do," Sonic protests, looking at the commander square in the eyes as if the gun was never there to begin with. "If you would've told me what had happened up there all those years ago, I wouldn't have NEVER join your little cult!"
"You didn't really have a choice."
"I feel like I did."
Loud thuds could be heard in the other room. Sonic suspects that his family is either kicking butt, in danger, or both. Probably both since Knuckles is going all out. He could hear his cries every couple of seconds.
They better be okay.
"You lied to me, Walters," Sonic says, his voice quiet yet threatening. "Do you have any idea what Shadow has been through because of your actions? You even made Gerald gone mad because of what you did to Maria!"
"You seriously shouldn't have never learned this information." Walters tries to dodge the question, but he knew it was fruitless.
"You refuse to listen, do you? You refuse to accept that you ain't no hero. Well... you're not." Sonic hissed. "You're a monster! A heartless jerk who only cared about his troops and no body else!"
"We are only doing what we think is right!"
"Nothing you ever did in your life was right."
"We are protectors who face anomalies such as you and Shadow! We don't know how strong your powers are and we worry it could affect the world in ways that damage it!" Walters continued, "I don't believe this world asked for heroes such as yourself."
"Damage it?!" Sonic shrieked with fury, "I saved this world a handful of times from that doctor, and you don't even care?! I saved the world! TWICE! Soon THRICE!"
"Didn't you see the state San Francisco was in?" Walters asked, growing more irritated with this creature. "We had no choice but to unite G.U.N. back because of your actions! And don't even get me started on Green Hills from last year."
"From MY actions-? Pfffft, okay, okay," Sonic "chuckled," "You seriously think that was my fault? Robotnik was the guy who endangered many lives out there, and, as usual, you put the blame on the alien hedgehog."
"Every other life endangering event occurred because of anomalies like you that kept running all around the planet instead of going back to the dirty caves where you belong!"
Dirty. Cave?
Oh, hell no, he did NOT just go there.
"Listen hear," Sonic began, gritting his teeth, "I lost my owl guardian when I was a child and had to live on Earth all by myself for ten years, seven in a cave. Throughout those years I was isolated! I had no body! Then, a twist of fate lead me to my father and mother, who took care of me for years, alongside my brothers, Tails and Knuckles, who went through a troubling childhood as much as I had!"
Sonic never noticed that he called Tails and Knuckles his own brothers, but he was too fumed at the commander to care.
"Even though I have people to care for me," he continued, "Robotnik has the guts to cause chaos in my life, and threatened the world at the same time, but I pulled together with my family and saved the world! More than once!"
Walters was listening, but never shown any signs that he cared. This only made Sonic more angry.
"Sure, there were some property damage, and some people were hurt, but sometimes even heroes make mistakes!" Sonic says, his fists clenched, "But I'm not gonna let that get to me!"
Walters' nose lets out an unimpressed exhale.
"I did my best to keep the world safe- my home safe, and all you do is treat me and my family like dirt!" Sonic raised his voice at him as he took another harsh step forward at him.
"I did more saving than you and your men ever will! You think you have the right to determine whose the hero and who isn't?! No!! You don't! You ruined Shadow's life, I won't let you ruin mine!"
Walters believes he sounded too brave.
"All I wanted to do is to live my life with my family, and I'm tired of people like you making a decision on rather people like me deserve it or not! I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!!"
Sonic panted after finally letting his emotions out. His eyes were shut, he was no longer paying attention to the commander, only his breathing.
He never felt so glad to let it all out like that. But the relief didn't last too long...
"And it's going to stay that way."
Click...
The hedgehog snapped his emerald eyes open after hearing a small creaking sound, to see Walters aiming the gun directing to his face.
"No hero should ever make a single mistake," It was Walters' turn to speak, "after all, heroes don't destroy things. They don't endanger civilians. You're responsible for most of the destruction in San Francisco, and because of Robotnik's obsession with you, your own townspeople have gotten injured, despite the so-called victory."
Sonic backed up two steps.
"Are you certain heroes do these things? Most specifically, you?"
He backed up two more steps.
"Shut up," he muttered.
"I'm not letting a bunch of alien troublemakers take my place as protector. You didn't even have the courage to rescue your owl. With a reputation like that, why should you not let it get to you?"
He does have a point. He tried to go back to save her from the Echidna, but... he was too late.
"You're no hero. You're just some kid, a dangerous one. A hazard. A weapon!" Walters barked the word right at him, making him jump.
"You seriously believe the world is yours? Sorry, but after what happened on the ARK, I'm not taking any chances. This world doesn't need another disaster. It doesn't need another failure."
His finger prepared to pull.
His own words took over Sonic's brain.
How could he let them take over so easily?
Sonic isn't a failure! He's-
BANG!!
Sonic shuts his eyes tight, not fully prepared for the bullet, but nothing had happened. He opened his eyes again to see a person standing right in front of him, shielding him from Walters' gun.
As he got a good look at him, he gasped. His ears pinned to his head. His worst nightmare came true.
Tom Wachowski, groaning quietly as some blood leaked through his shirt, while he was still guarding him from the commander.
He took the bullet for Sonic.
Tom is hurt. And it was because Sonic didn't run away.
Despite the pain shocking his body, Tom weakly opened his right eye and barely smiled at his little Blue Devil. "Make me proud, son," he whispered before collapsing to the ground.
Everything around him went dead silent. All he could do was stare at the seemingly lifeless body of the person who saved his life.
How could he make him proud when he was one who killed him?
How could he make anyone proud now?
Maybe Walters was right.
With a loud cry, before Walters could react, Knuckles delivered his most brutal punch to the commander, slamming him to the wall, knocking him unconscious.
The sound of a harsh slam to the metal wall knocked Sonic back to his senses.
"Hedgehog! They took Maddie and Ra- ...Thomas?" Knuckles just now noticed the body of Tom laying in front of a panicked Sonic. The echidna's purple eyes rose with concern, praying that what he's looking at isn't what he's looking at right now.
Sonic's eyes began to swell with tears as he looked back at his brother. "Where's Mom...?"
His question broke his heart. Despite remaining quiet, Sonic knew the answer, and was more devastated.
"Is everything okay in here?" The young fox called out, slightly afraid to come around the corner.
"Everything's..." Knuckles stopped himself. No. Everything is not fine. G.U.N. captured Maddie, her sister, and Tom appeared to be severely injured.
Not to mention that the mad doctors and that monster are still on the loose.
Everything is not fine.
"We're getting out of here." Knuckles says, picking up Tom bridal style, and ran off in a rush.
Tails came in just to time for a hurt Donut Lord to not come into his view. A defeated, glossy eyed Sonic didn't make it any better though.
"Sonic? Where's Tom?"
All the hedgehog could do is blink.
It was enough to give Tails the upsetting conformation.
-
Gloomy, dark clouds loom over the city of London. Roads were beginning to form puddles from the light rains that have been pouring down for a good hour or so.
An hour seemed like a trillions years to find out if one person is gonna survive a bullet or not.
Sonic, Tails and Knuckles were outside, barely dried off from the rain speaking with one of the G.U.N. agents, that was informing them about their father's well being.
"The good news is, however," she was speaking with the boys for a good while now, each of them showing concern in their own ways. Knuckles tries not to show it, and was listening closely, Tails was holding one of his tails, and Sonic, still recovering from the earlier incident, twiddled his fingers, wanting to hear the good news already.
"he wasn't hit near the heart, but the bullet was pretty close to the lungs. He will need to undergo surgery, so he has to remain in the hospital until then. Other than that, no other injuries have occurred as far as I'm concerned."
The trio didn't say a word, but they understood. They're just glad, at least mentally, that Tom is gonna be okay, but it'll be a while until he's able to wake up.
"Thanks for telling us," Tails says quietly, not really looking at the agent in the eye.
"As for your mission, I... really wish I could help," she says. She was concerned for the boys' well being, and thought about helping them, but after hearing word about the commander getting injured, she needed to be in a hurry.
"No you don't," Sonic mumbled, doubting her sincerity.
She sighed through her nose. She should've expect the boys treating this way to her. But it's understandable why they're acting like this.
"Could you at least tell us if Maddie and Rachel are okay?" Tails looked up at her with hope in his eyes. He doesn't want anyone to get hurt like Tom.
"They are confined until further notice. There's nothing I can do."
Sonic refuses to look at her.
"I hope you boys make things right and take care of those freaks up there," she says, "because if you fail on your mission, no one will forget this. Keep that in mind."
It was the last thing she said before making her leave. The trio watched as she goes, as they were left with the sentence floating in their heads.
Knuckles seemed calm, he has certainly been through worse, but he hasn't gotten a look at Sonic or Tails yet. They both seem distraught. This is their biggest adventure yet, and possibly their deadliest.
She's right. They cannot fail. No matter what.
Sonic closes his eyes and turned away from his friends, thinking. Tails and Knuckles looked over with concern.
"Sonic, y-you're not thinking about giving up, are you?" Tails asked nervously. A lot has happened, but there still all the time in the world to turn everything back to normal. Hopefully.
"Never," Sonic responded. He turned back around to face them. He never looked so serious. "It's not over until I say it's over."
Hearing that definitely lift Tails' spirits. "Oh! That's great! I'm so relieved!"
"What about the Eclipse Canon? How do we stop it now?" Knuckles asks, turning to face Tails. "It's already activated with the use of the Emeralds, which we cannot reach to unless we're in the ARK."
"Aw, shoot, you're right," Tails' smile faded away in an instant after hearing the mention of the Chaos Emeralds. "Ugh, if only I knew G.U.N. were to show up then we would've-"
"Do not blame yourself, fox. You did all you could," Knuckles reassures.
"I guess you're right, but what about Shadow? We can't get to him here, he's probably up in space by now! Maybe if I can somehow find a way to steal a space shut-"
"'We?'"
Sonic's voice caught Tails and Knuckles' attention.
"Nah," he says, "I'M going after him."
"What??" They both cried in confusion.
...Is he serious? Why is Sonic thinking about facing that guy on his own? Why without their help?? There's no way he's serious. When was the last time he was ever serious?
"Sonic, are you- are you hearing yourself? That is suicide!" Knuckles cried, "You don't even know the full power he's capable of!"
"Hes right, Sonic," Tails added for Knuckles' sake. They got the taste of Shadow's power firsthand. He knew that fighting Shadow alone would be a nightmare. "This is a bad idea."
"When does that ever stop me?" Sonic says, furrowed brows and fists clenched again to show the dead seriousness in his face.
Oh, dear lord, he is serious.
"I faced Eggman twice," The blue hedgehog continued, "once in a flying pod, and in a giant death mech, with the Emeralds! I can take on a super hedgehog."
"He obliterated us!" Tails says, "He's way too powerful! What if he hurts you and we can't save you in time?"
"I'll be fine," Sonic answered, his eyes lowered and away from Tails, "besides, I don't want you guys to get hurt."
Walters' words were still fresh in his brain. He couldn't help but think that maybe he did cause some destruction while saving the world, but he won't let it happen again this time. He won't let his brothers- his friends, get hurt.
He didn't notice that Knuckles looked slightly offended from being pushed aside from a fight. "But Sonic," he says, "we are strong enough to protect ourselves and you."
"I know, but I especially don't want you, Knuckles, to go overboard on Shadow. I think he's been through enough."
Knuckles blinked. "What do you mean?"
"He lost a friend on the ARK, remember?" Sonic says. "He's probably mad at the world because of that..." His expression seemed hurt from the thought of losing someone that close. He's been there...
But after thinking for a moment, his eyes began to twinkle with hope, and a small smile rose on his muzzle. "...but maybe if I can try and reason with him and change his mind, then our problems will be solved!" He exclaimed, beaming at his friends.
Tails and Knuckles earned him very lost looks.
"'Reason' with him? Oh, sweet mother of Tikal..." Knuckles messaged the bridge of his muzzle, not believing what was spoken just now.
"Sonic, there is no point in trying such thing," he says, "He is blinded by rage. How could he listen to you?"
"There... there is a way. I know there is!" Sonic spoke, sounding unsure if he knows a way at all. He just hopes that Shadow would listen to him somehow...
"Sonic," his tone rose for a moment to get Sonic to listen, "he tried to destroy us, and now he's trying to destroy the planet! Do you honestly believe this monster will, just, stop from your useless plea?"
Sonic stared at him like he killed a man.
"He's not a monster," he says, "he was just blamed for something he didn't do."
"That was in the past," Knuckles argued, "this is the present! We are dealing with Shadow's action NOW! His actions now is what makes him a-"
"I'll find a way to stop him, Knuckles," Sonic explained, "Besides, he'll probably listen to me because of how similar we are! We both lost someone really important a long time ago... ...Wait, is Shadow, like, an old dude now or-?"
"He was frozen, Sonic." Tails corrected, his eyes stabbing him with disapproval.
"...So, does that make him, like, Captain America, or somethin- BUT ANYWAYS, anyways," Sonic stops himself from going off topic.
"H-he used to have a human friend and those G.U.N. jerks took her away, and I used to have Longclaw before I came to Earth..." He looked down at his shoes and scratched the back of his head, not wanting to bring himself back to a difficult time of his life, nor wanting to think about what he had read in that diary.
"But Shadow is nothing like you," Knuckles mentioned, "Just because you both have 'similar' pasts, that does not mean it will stop Shadow from being destructive."
Sonic couldn't help but feel scolded in some way. Maybe it was because he read the diary and never got the chance to show Tails and Knuckles before Shadow came in.
They never knew what Shadow been through. It's understandable that they were cautious over this plan, but... it seemed like Knuckles doesn't believe everything Sonic is saying.
...is he?
"Well, I mean... I guess me and Shadow do have a lot in common," Sonic says, "We're both hedgehogs. We both run pretty fast. We both have really cool kicks. And... we were doubted."
Tails blinked. "Wh-what? Sonic, we didn't doubt you."
"You guys don't even believe what I said, didn't you?" he stressed, "I read those diary pages. I know what happened! I'm not lying just to make friends with an emo hedgehog!"
"No, no! I believe you!" Tails cried, waving his hands at Sonic. He had no clue that Sonic was feeling this way the whole time.
"Yeah, right!" Sonic says, hand on hip. "You guys don't even believe that I can handle Shadow on my own! You guys... really don't think I can do this?" his ears flopped to his head, looking at his friends, begging them to be on his side.
"Not on your own." Knuckles stated.
"At least wish me luck or something! Gosh, why are you... why are you guys loosing faith in me?" Sonic asked, sounding defeated.
Tails' two tails dropped to the ground. He wasn't loosing faith in him! He was just worried for his well being. Tom is already in the hospital and Maddie and the rest of her family are being held somewhere. He doesn't want to loose anyone else.
He believed him, one hundred percent. He never meant to make Sonic believe otherwise. He felt awful making his own hero feel this way.
Knuckles, however, thought Sonic is just saying all this just to battle on his own. Does this hedgehog know that they are in a middle of a crisis?!
"We didn't say that we're loosing faith..." Tails spoke sadly.
"You didn't, but I know you are," Sonic looked away, his eyes set on the hospital building. The one Tom is staying at for God knows how long.
The one Sonic himself put him in.
It makes sense that his own friends think that he couldn't do this right, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Aren't they suppose to support him?
Like a good team he thought they were?
"I'm not gonna lie," Sonic began, his voice breaking but barely hid it, "I'm kind of disappointed of you both."
Knuckles' face grew disgusted and Tails tugged at his own hand.
...disappointed?
"I am doing all I can to make everything go back to normal," he continued, "and nothing is working so far because stupid Ro-butt-nik ruined everything, and stupid G.U.N. caused more problems and...! Ugh, and you guys aren't making it any better!"
Knuckles scowled down at the blue hedgehog. He had no right to be disappointed at the Echidna Warrior.
"None of this wouldn't have happened if we didn't put our trust into that mustached mad man!" he roared at his face, "So, technically speaking, YOU ruined everything!"
Sonic froze.
He, ruined everything...?
They recruited Tom and Maddie and family to help them on their mission, went to London to find the ARK before the Robotniks do, G.U.N. stormed them first, and the Robotniks got away with not only the ARK, but the Chaos Emeralds included, which helped powering on the Eclipse Canon, which cut the moon in half just now...
...and it was all Sonic's fault?
"Didn't you see the state San Francisco was in? We had no choice but to unite G.U.N. back because of your actions!"
Sonic blinked twice. Walters' words haunted him once more.
"You know what Robotnik has done to us in the past, and you seriously think he was our last chance at victory?!" Knuckles cried.
"You didn't even have the courage to rescue your owl. With a reputation like that, why should you not let it get to you?"
The longer he stared at Knuckles, the more his emerald eyes loose their spark.
"You think it's so easy to have all of our sworn enemies magically become friends?! is that your plan? Because it sure is a ridiculously stupid one." Knuckles stated.
"Knuckles, quit it!" Tails protested.
"No hero should ever make a single mistake. After all, heroes don't destroy things. They don't endanger civilians."
He breathed heavily. Walters just won't shut up.
"No hero should ever make a single mistake."
He won't shut up!
"No hero should ever make a single mistake."
"No hero should ever make a single mistake."
"You think I'm stupid?!" Sonic yelled. The fox backed up, startled by Sonic's scream.
"You think I didn't see any of this coming, no matter how much I hoped it wouldn't happen?! You think I believed that Robotnik was our only hope?!"
"Yes." Knuckles answered with a straight face, unaffected by his anger.
Sonic's left eye twitched. This damn Echidna. He didn't believe him from the start. He didn't think this plan was the best he could come up with!
When they were chained up after getting knocked out it was punishment enough. He didn't need Knuckles the Echidna to remind him how much he failed.
He could've at least pretend to have faith in him instead of being brutally honest. Then again, Knuckles is a terrible liar.
Knuckles lying would be more worse than just being honest anyway. Who in the right mind would lie about how amazing and clever and heroic Sonic is?
Tails and Knuckles, apparently.
Sonic hated Walters' guts, but he hated how much he was right more. Out of all the mistakes he could ever make in his life, as a sorry excuse for a hero, is to put his faith on two "friends" who have never supported him from the beginning of the mission.
Or even the beginning of their adventures in general.
He tried, so hard, to make everything according to plan, but it all came crashing down, because he had to make a truce with Eggman. He even put Tom in the hospital because he didn't get the chance to run away from a stupid bullet.
And what did his friends do after all that? They criticize him.
He is fully aware of how imperfect he is, but Knuckles made him open his eyes. But especially Walters. No one had faith in him. He was never a hero, and he was too blind to realize that. Until now.
But he will fix everything. On his own. He will reclaim his title, without the help of his friends.
In a blink of a second, Sonic's eyes glow a sharp blue. If this is how his friends treat him after everything, then so be it.
Sonic scoffed a snarky chuckle.
"Well then," he says, raising his voice at first, "if we're playing the blame game, then THIS, is all Tails' fault!" He points at the young fox.
His ears folded downward. "What...?"
What did he do??
"That's right. Blame me for being a failure and see what happens!" Sonic barked him, stomping his foot.
Knuckles' violet eyes rose. Why the hell is he yelling at this poor child??
"Maybe YOU wouldn't have failed if you try to figure out what to do when G.U.N. showed up! I thought you were smarter than that, Miles!" he cursed his real name.
Tails gasped and back away, hugging on of his fluffy tails. His eyes fluttering as tears began to form.
Knuckles is having none of it.
"How dare you scold the young fox like that!" Knuckles walked up close and personal with Sonic, shielding Tails from him. He snarled at the hedgehog, but it didn't scare him off.
"Sonic, what is wrong with you," Tails croaked, his voice breaking. "I did my best!"
"I'm doing my best too, but no body seems to care!"
"ENOUGH!" Knuckles ordered Sonic loud enough for the whole area to hear. It was enough to make him back away a bit.
"We are supposed to be a team," he reminded calmly yet angrily, "why are you acting this way, hedgehog?"
"Because you don't think Shadow is capable of change." Sonic answered, forcing himself to not cry in front of Knuckles, "you don't believe in him. You don't believe in ME. And you know what? Even if I needed help, I wouldn't rely on people who don't believe in me!"
"I do believe in you!" Tails cried, a tear streaming down his muzzle. He never felt so heartbroken in his life. He did rely on Sonic. He looked out for him. He couldn't believe what was happening.
Why is his own hero acting so harsh to him? ...he probably deserved it.
Knuckles made sure Tails was still behind him in case the hedgehog does anything rash.
Sonic didn't hear a thing Tails said, and he refused to.
"I'm tired of losing other people," Sonic continued, now yelling, "I nearly lost Tom, I am NOT gonna lose the entire world, and I won't let you stop me!"
Tails held onto Knuckles' huge hand. The gesture only made Knuckles grow more angry. Sonic is scaring the small fox. He should not have done that.
"I am not gonna argue with you guys in a middle of a crisis that could only worsen if I'm not doing something about it!" He pointed at the duo. Then he walked up to Knuckles, his eyes glaring right at him like daggers.
"Besides, KNUCKLES, you are way too simpleminded to even listen to a word I say because all YOU care about is kicking someone's butt," Sonic hissed, not afraid of what the Echidna is about to do next.
"Simpleminded?"
He closed his eyes, and breathed through his nose.
He should be.
Knuckles carefully pushed Tails to his side, and then backed up a few steps. "Take it back," he ordered quietly, brow bridges furrowing as he glared back at the hedgehog.
"Make me," he opened up his arms. He could clearly see that this warrior is about to duke it out. If that's the case, he's ready to throw hands whenever.
Knuckles growled. Loudly.
"Take. It. BACK!" He roared as he smacked both of his own fists, causing fire to burst out ablaze out of his gloves, complete with his power surge spiraling all over his body.
Sonic formed his fists tight, his own power surge sparkling as well. His eyes zapped the same blue as before as his quills began to glow.
"Make me!"
It's go time.
Sonic and Knuckles charge at each other, delivering powerful punches to one another, some they dodged, most they certainly came in contact.
Knuckles tried to kick Sonic in the stomach, but as he tried to do so, Sonic zipped behind him and dragged him by his quills and threw him to the nearest police car.
The echidna made a dent on the door and the sirens began to blare off, but no body cared, except for Tails, who was stressed out enough already. He covered his ears, the sound of the police siren bothering his eardrums.
Sonic punched Knuckles in the face twice, but it had no effect. He's just too strong. Knuckles snorted, finding the attack rather unimpressive.
It was his turn to punch back.
POW!!
Sonic goes flying off a few feet away from Knuckles, as he stretches briefly before going back to his fighting stance.
The blue hedgehog gets up, rubs his bruised nose and growled at the Echidna Warrior.
"Stop fighting!" Tails plead.
As if this day couldn't get any worse, two of his favorite people in the galaxy are beating themselves up because of an unsuccessful mission that was probably his own fault.
His family is falling apart. He didn't ask for this.
"See? I told ya, didn't I?!" Sonic barked, his fist shaking, ready to punch that dumb red cherry straight to the concrete. "Fighting is all you focus on! You wanna remain victorious! Undefeatable!"
Sonic came running full speed and landed his fist straight to Knuckles' face. He tumbled on the ground before quickly getting back up, sprinting behind him.
"And all you care about is your reputation!" He spit back, before delivering back his own punch.
"Bull-crap!!"
"You are such a child!"
Sonic spun into a ball before lunging himself right into Knuckles' gut, barely weakening him. Still in his ball form, and rolled laps around him, trying to confuse him, before kicking him hard in the chin.
"I know what I'm doing! You both stay out of this! I don't need your help!" Sonic roared, his power surge growing stronger and unstable. He may be unable to keep his powers at bay, but he couldn't care less.
He just wants Knuckles to back off.
"You haven't a single clue what you are doing, you blue buffoon," The Echidna stated, raising his flaming fists of disaster, ready to set that hedgehog's pathetic face of fire.
"You call yourself a hero after the way you treat your teammates?! You are no such thing until you get your act together!"
"Shut up! Shut up!" A whirring sound grows louder and louder, unable to hold his power together anymore. He was too angry. He was too blinded by rage.
He is sick and tired of being criticized as an imperfect hero. He tried his best. He tried so hard. Why won't it be easy? Why can't everything just go his way?
Why does his family hate him so much?
"Just shut up, you Knucklehead!!!" Sonic screamed at the top of his lungs before shooting himself right into Knuckles at scary speed, preparing to pound the living daylights out of him.
"STOP!"
WHAM!!
Thud...
Sonic's heart nearly stopped.
The light in his once enraged emerald eyes faded away in a second the instant he's seen what he had done.
His powers died down. Now his fur is a dull blue.
It didn't stop his hands from trembling, however.
His ears bent back. He step back a few steps, not letting his eyes off the small, fox, that was once in his way, now many feet away from the duo, not moving a muscle.
His tails were limp for an uncomfortable amount of time. No sound was made from the fox. He remained still on the ground.
For seconds. Too many seconds.
Sonic's mouth quivered. He refuse to believe it.
He punched him. He punched his own little buddy. He hurt him.
"What have I done?"
"Tails!" Knuckles cried out his dear brother's name as he ran towards him, leaving a shocked Sonic by himself.
The Echidna rolled onto the ground as he grabbed Tails by his arms and cradled him close, checking for any injures, and making sure he's alive.
"Tails, are you alright? Speak to me!" He begged the young motionless fox, putting his hand up to his face, checking for blood and cuts.
Sonic watched from afar. The strongest fighter in the galaxy, holding onto a small child for dear life, begging for him to wake up. He caused this.
"Is he...?" he never finished his question. Somehow he knew the answer, but he just prayed it's not really true.
"He's... unconscious." Knuckles said to himself at loud.
Sonic placed both of his hands over his mouth slowly. He was in disbelief.
He knocked his little brother out.
Knuckles and Tails may be a few feet away from him, but to him it felt like millions and millions of miles away. He never felt so divided from his own friends.
How could he do this? To his own little brother?
...his little brother.
Dear God, he hurt his little brother.
How could he?
This small fox, who he bonded with for months, under the same roof, and spend good and bad times with alongside Knuckles, is knocked out because of him.
This tiny, precious baby, who admired him, protected him, fought by his side with, and even looked up to him, is not responding to anything Knuckles is doing.
He hurt him. He yelled at him.
What the hell was he thinking??
What kind of a hero is he hurting his own little brother like that?
His heart completely shattered into pieces the second Knuckles turned his head at him.
This strong Echidna, who has fought the toughest battles and the meanest bad guys before his arrival on Earth, has never looked so lost and distraught.
There were tears swelling in those violet eyes of his.
Knuckles just witnessed a small child got the soul knocked out of him by a speeding hedgehog, and didn't even save him in time.
It terrified him.
It made Knuckles cry. Knuckles never cries.
Sonic made Knuckles cry.
Throw anything at the Echidna, and he'll brush it off, but an injured fox would break him down in seconds.
Sonic may have hurt Knuckles physically, but he was destroyed on the inside just the sight of this small unconscious fox with a huge, purple bruise on his cheek.
Knuckles and Tails had such a bond so close, it would only make sense for Knuckles to break down like this.
The whole scene was just so horrifying for Sonic to watch.
He caused this scene. He hurt his own brothers.
His own brothers who he took in after they dealt with such a troubling childhood. Having either loosing a family, or never having one to begin with.
He gave them everything they ever truly wanted. He gave them a family. A happy life on Earth.
And now, he gave them something they'll both never, ever forget.
Betrayal.
"No hero should ever make a single mistake."
He let Walters' words get the better of him. His own words were his own weapons against his brothers.
Walters managed to break Sonic to the point where he endangered his own brothers.
Because of his fear of failure, it lead him to hurting his own brothers.
Whom he was supposed to protect.
His own fears took over him, making him appear as the bad guy to Knuckles. All over again.
Because of his failure as a hero, Knuckles may never look at Sonic the same way again...
Perhaps it could be true, as Knuckles shuts his eyes tight, and turned away from the speechless hedgehog, trying to calm himself down.
Him and Shadow really do have a lot in common after all.
Knuckles took a few deep breaths. "Keep calm... Don't let it out... Seal it in..."
Seal what in? What was he talking about?
Knuckles exhaled deeply, feeling more relaxed, but still in slight distraught when he opened his eyes back up, seeing the unconscious fox back in his view.
He couldn't bare to look at the poor thing any longer. he shuts his eyes tight again. He will find a way to nurse him back to health.
The hospital is right there. Hopefully the doctors know how to take care of an alien fox.
"Kn-Knuckles...?" Sonic mumbled his elder brother's name, reached his hand out slowly to him, praying he's not too mad at him now that he calmed himself down.
"Leave."
...Or maybe not.
Sonic pulled his hand back, stabbed in the heart by that one word. He doesn't really want to leave his friends behind. Not after what he had done.
He never meant for any of this to happen. He never meant to go so hard on them. He just doesn't want them to get hurt.
He just doesn't them to go too far on Shadow.
Another fight with Shadow is long overdue, but he knows what he has been through. He knew deep down he wouldn't listen, but talking things out won't work forever.
He just didn't want his brothers to make things harder for him than it already has, but he never meant to hurt them either.
Shadow is just a rival, but Tails and Knuckles are his brothers. Hurting them is a different story entirely.
They mean so much to him as much as Tom and Maddie. His parents.
He has injured his family. He had failed them.
...but hopefully not the world.
There is still time to stop the Eclipse Canon from powering up, and stop the Robotniks for good, and taking care of Shadow. It's just Sonic doing all the work now.
His family needed rest to heal anyways. He has put them through enough trouble. No more mistakes. No more hurting.
He's doing this alone. For them.
"I'll leave," Sonic croaked quietly, but loud enough for Knuckles to hear, "but I'll fix everything. I promise. Once I'm done with Shadow, I'll go and you won't need me anymore, and that's fine."
He sniffled, turning away from his brothers. He doesn't want to see them in that state anymore.
"I'll be okay on my own. I've done it before... I promise I won't bother you guys again..." Sonic says. Despite his small smile, he was screaming and sobbing on the inside.
"You have every right to be upset at me, but it won't change how I love you. And because I love you is why I'm going alone. I hope you understand. ...Goodbye, big bro."
With a burst of speed, Sonic ran off in seconds, leaving a blue blur behind him. Now it's just Knuckles, and a small motionless pup in his arms.
Deep down, Knuckles didn't want Sonic to leave, but he was just so angry at him...
He doesn't deserve to be alone. No body does.
Shadow doesn't deserve it either.
But he was still angry at him, especially. But he'll deal with him later. Sonic can't handle Shadow on his own, even though the blue hedgehog is full of surprises.
He'll deal with everything later. His baby brother's well being is his number one priority.
He pulled Tails in closer where his head meet his chest, and pressed his muzzle against his bangs, giving him the most comfortable hug he could ever receive.
"I won't leave you until you are all better, my dear brother," he whispered to him, still holding onto him as if he was just a small baby.
He sat there on the wet concrete, ignoring the cold shivers, and remained there until the fox is okay.
He is not loosing another member of his tribe. Not again.
-
Randell watched from afar. He wasn't there to witness everything, but he's gotten enough context to understand what had happened.
He stood there, his arms crossed, watching Knuckles holding onto Tails for dear life.
He still can't believe these are the dangerous aliens Walters was freaking out over for so long. They're just children. Children longing for a home.
And because of Walters' actions, these poor kids have been separated.
He turned away, crossed with his ex-commander. He could've just let them get to the ARK first. He could've just left them alone. But he didn't. He just had to be the villain.
"When I see him, he will not ignore me again," he said, before walking off.
He gave a promise to himself that if Walters won't leave this family alone, he's gonna have to take drastic measures.
He doesn't care about the consequences. The only thing he cares about is his family. And the planet they belong in.
-
#tw gun#tw child endangerment#tw swearing#tw ptsd#tw blood#sonic wachowski#miles tails wachowski#knuckles wachowski#movie shadow#movie maria#tom wachowski#maddie wachowski#rachel wachowski#randell wachowski#commander walters#movie robotnik#gerald robotnik#sonic fanfiction#sonic movie fanfiction#sonic movie 2020#sonic movie 3#sonic movie 3 spoilers#I hope you like HEAVY angst with zero comfort 😈#If this gets zero reblogs I'm just gonna quit writing altogether because I AM SO GODDAMN PROUD OF THIS ONE#I'll admit it's probably a tad bit outdated because I have better predictions for the movie but THAT DIDN'T STOP ME#I do NOT wanna scrap this I am WAY too proud of my work here for once#And so I am FINALLY FOR REAL gonna take a break from Tumblr for the holidays. I'll be back either before or after New Year's#Hope you enjoy my best work yet please PLEASE make sure to reblog to spread this around it would mean the entire world to me 💕#I'll be back soon and Happy Holidays you silly goofballs. 🎶 Please stay safe.
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Artistic rendition of my actual reaction when I got home from work
#Guys-#It's been a DAY#HOW DOES IT HAVE THAT MANY NOTES??#uHM-#THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH#RISE UP RAPH NATION!!#My levels of serotonin went from moderate to so high I actually might have blue screened mentally for a second#Thank you all so much for loving my drawings of this red angel he's the best!#I've said it before but Raph is such a comfort character to me and even tho I'm still figuring out how I wanna draw him#seeing the nice tags everyone leaves on my doodles of him is so sweet!!#Please know I go back and look at tags on my older Raph x OC comic just to smile at them#And I'll be doing the same with this post!#ROTTMNT#Rise of the TMNT#Raph#Raphael#Rise Raph#Save rise of TMNT#unpause rise of the tmnt#unpause rottmnt#save rottmnt#Sona
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Trying to save a life
A little update on my new "child" that I'm trying to help; I have discovered more horrors in his life, and the people I wished to collaborate with in saving him turned out to be abusers that are literally using him as a slave, so that idea has been scrapped.
He is also still starving - to a point that his body is consuming his own bones as nutrients so it's only a matter of time until his organs start failing. This is partly through poverty from only earning 50 cents per hour, so he literally can't afford enough / proper food, and partly due to an eating disorder.
On a happier note, I have finally gained the means to deliver money and goods to him - through his mail address. However, this is not always safe, so sadly I still need to wait for his "ok" before the first package can go, but it has been packed.
And if you'd like to add a little donation to his mail before it goes, here is my Ko-fi again; ko-fi.com/A81611AH
Any amount is greatly appreciated and will help keep my boy around for another day ❤
#fundraiser#fundraising#I know many people have it rough right now so don't feel guilty if you can't help#but if you have the means to help my boy it would be greatly appreciated#you can also write him some words of encouragement if you'd like#I'll write them on a piece of paper and put them in the package as well#signal boost#at the moment his heart is acting up constantly and the doctors suspect he might have cancer#so I don't know if he has much time left#but if I can't do anything else I'd like to at least make his final days as comfortable as possible#but if he can still be saved I'll do my best to fight for that#which is why I'm asking for help here#I have been trying to find work so I'd have the funds to help but it hasn't worked out so far
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as a former twitter lurker i can confidently say the deterioration of the fandom fourth wall is at least 70% kpop twitter's fault
#i'm probably not going to be able to capture all the nuances of this convo but i'll do my best#for example a lot of the engagement tactics social media admins use now originate from how brands would interact with kpop twit#also like. rpf / ship culture is a PART of kpop and kpop fandom#(as in the companies behind these artists are known to push certain pairs or push certain interaction etc)#but people have taken what's acceptable in kpop fandom and brought it over#into other fandoms where those rules DO NOT APPLY#and as that behaviour becomes more common people become more comfortable rpf-ing where your average non-rpfer can see#and then before you know it fucking jesse jfresh is mentioning sidgeno fanfic in his official blog post#put the fourth wall back i swear to GOD#m speaks
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KABRU OF UTAYA
— (technically) a dunmeshi rp blog, in all respects. — mod is 21 and uses they/he. — POST CANON. GENERAL SPOILER WARNING FOR THE MANGA — anyone can interact just don't be weird <3 — hcs & ships are applicable! — tws will all be listed as needed on posts.
☆⋆。𖦹°‧★
‟ what a treat ! — ♥ ”
(mod's main blog: @funnyjokespunperson )
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi rp#ask blog#kabru ask blog#ask kabru#rp blog#mod: hiiii! <3 welcome to the blog! feel free to ask our favorite guy questions whenever you please.#mod: i wont be breaking character on here outside of tags often#mod: ive spent hours upon hours studying this freak (aff) as a character i need to put it to good use somehow!#only hc i'll note here is that i believe kabru to be a trans man.#if this bothers you then do not interact#delicious in dungeon#kabru of utaya#mod: on ships im most comfortable witb kabumisu from a relations standpoint but im a big labru fan as well#mod: but i will be trying my best to not stray from how I THINK kabru would act based on my studies of his character!! so!!
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It's best boy's birthday in a few days, so I thought I'd do something special following up to it; I have a lot of sketches, drawings, doodles, and unfinished works--entirely Ovan centered--that I have had sitting in my ipad that I just never posted. I don't usually like to upload unfinished works or sketches but I'd like to start getting into the habit of it. Otherwise, they sit on my tablets and rot, and some of them are neat to look back on. Creative processes are fun to see!
Some of them are months old, others just don't have a date to really say how recent they were. Anyway, enjoy the light blog spam in the next few days as I gather all of these up and just dump them here.
#Nyarly's art#Ovan#dothack#.hack#.hack//g.u.#Really as I was looking through my procreate folder I was baffled by how much stuff was here#I cant even really lump the sketches together based on dates because I dont know how old these are apart from each other kek#ah well I like showing sketches off I just dont do it often#partially because theyre dated by the time Im comfortable posting them and I already improved since then but you know what who cares#also I'll try my best to write desc for each as I remember why I drew stuff in the first place
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He's so cute-agkdjgkdkf I love him so much💙
#pan gushes#I've been pretty low on energy to do much today#(Partially bc of the heat- It's my greatest weakness 😔)#And honestly I haven't thought about many f/os all day#But there's something nice to me about being in bed and thinking about my husband after a long day👉👈#Thinking about being in his arms has helped me sleep on multiple occasions- He's the best!!#But yeah-sgksjfksjf#I love Snow so much! He's strong and sweet- kinda Stupid but that's pretty endearing if you ask me <3 (I like my men stupid)#Since I haven't been in the greatest mood to chat all day- I kept thinking about being in comfortable silence with him#Just the comfort of being in completely silence together <3 No pressure to say something. Just happy in silence#I'm quite tired and can't formulate words as well as I'd like#so I'll end my little gush about my beloved hero here <3#f/o: ❄️
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I listened to a new Sparks album and it was all I could think about for two weeks straight afterwards, a.k.a. My Hello Young Lovers Review
Okay, so here's my fabled review (I mentioned having written it once about three months ago, so I guess there's a chance that someone still remembers that). It's hecking long (seriously, it's long.) and consists mostly of me pointing out specific sections of the songs and raving about which specific elements of the songs I particularly like. And also attempting to make some sort of general statement on the style / atmosphere / themes etc. of the whole thing. I wrote this back in november, after 5 full listens of the album, over the course of about a week, and I didn't update it with any new opinions that I have formed since, to keep it true to that original form, besides some side notes where I thought they'd be useful to add. I hope you enjoy my yapping, however unprofessional and all over the place this whole thing probably is.
How to start album reviews? Well, I could sum up the general vibe / thing / feel / theme with the album but that seems much more fitting for the conclusion of the whole thing.
So let's kick this off with the first thing we see instead!! The album cover, the sleeve! (note: I got this album on vinyl for that first listening experience, the 2022? reissue) Ohh so pretty and cute, isn't it? Even inside, so much pink, even over-the-toply-so (for real though, I didn't even really think about what to expect from the inner cover, besides some photos that I knew would be there, but it was certainly not THIS. level of pink and cute), it looks so pleasant and sweet, doesn't it? And the band photos too, fun times all around!
Oh wow, ok, let's get back to reality here, I knew what I was in for (knowing just one track and excerpts of other two + reading misc comments on the album before already, as it is inevitable, you know. And frankly, that was actually the exact right amount of info from that commentary for a peak enjoyment here. Not going in totally blind but still encountering many surprises). This is a prime and, imo, very well executed example of mood dissonance. In a way where, idk, maybe it comes from me still having this even small amount of info beforehand, but it's the kind of situation that you can actually tell that something is off.
So yeah, the visual aspect of the album does fit it and I'd even say it does so VERY well, but as to how and why, maybe I should start exploring the atmosphere and themes and elements of individual songs first so we can make more general conclusions from that! So yes, I think it's time to dive in!
1) Dick Around ▪︎
Shortly put, amazing, showstopping and life changing song. And one of the earliest ones for me too! As a part of the extremely important and memorable playlist (note: my first time hearing a bunch of random popular sparks songs), it appeared somewhere in the latter half on the mix and oooh boy, was hearing this song for the first time, on the road in the dark evening too, an experience. I certainly found it intriguing to say the least, maybe I wasn't yet completely SOLD you know, and let's not forget that the second time I heard it (july) it actually kind of freaked me out in a way, but still, it certainly made an impression immediately. There's a reason this is one of the more well known / popular / important songs of theirs overall. This song is truly a journey and it messes with you in so many ways, oooohhh so many ways. I was super looking forward to hearing it again properly after being teased with some parts of it in the more recent weeks, so ok, maybe this is where I get to the individual parts I want to talk about.
Actually wait, first let's maybe say something about the placement. Of course it's the first song as I was pretty much certain it would be (and maybe already had kind of possibly spoiled..?), and it does work incredibly well as a mood-setter for the rest of the album, so it truly couldn't work any other way in my view. So yes, speaking of parts, there are so many different ones! Hearing this again was extra fun also because I would remember the main "point" / mantra of the song ("all I do now... is dick around") but not much else, then be reminded of another notable but very different part, then listen after this whole time properly on pretty much repeat now and be aware of those other little touches and bits that bring it all together...
So, let's start with the pleasant vocals & piano break near the beginning, it's, well... I just really like it (I hope I'll be able to say more specific things about other elements in these songs that I think need to be mentioned as I go on LOL), and right after that we have some very nice strings, then, suspenseful strings!! Idk why but I really really like it when those come in, they really set the unnerving classical tone that follows and returns throughout the album, then the same "calm" / bouncy vocal melody and a more "all over the place" piano returns (at least from what I remember, the notes are sort of more expansive in range in this part I think...). And soon enough... we reach the real moment of the song when it gets, well, real. And very intense. And this is almost jumpscare-like, ohhhh it's so good, even when you know you can expect it it still hits the spot amazingly.
So this is the rocking part that's honestly pure distilled joy and amazement to hear for me each time, the repeated echoey "hey hey"s for a second there are just the icing on the cake, so so so good. And, in fact, it doesn't get more rocking than this for the rest of the album. Dissappointing? Maybe it WOULD be, if there weren't other things still going on later, which were also in their own ways showstopping, so I think that yeah, those can make up for all that follows not really coming close to this level of unhinged. And this is the right word here I think, unhinged!! Damn, this freaking song. Like for a second there I remembered that in one of my early-ish hearings I just found it almost uhhh, unbearably raw? Idk if it's the right word but yeah, it gets... ugly for a second (I need to stop cringing at every more unusual / to the point word I use or I won't be able to write any genuine reviews in my life). Before going back to the main mantra of course! And then it goes on in a circle a bit more again, with more changes and some progression of the story and all that. And end on the mantra again. I don't know if I'm leaving out any super important bits here, I might be... Well, it comes back to full on rocking near the end too, with some variation too, so that's awesome! And very suspenseful and unnerving strings too for a moment!
So, should I talk about the lyrics / the story just a bit now? Ok, I won't go super deep into these or any of the following ones, I'll try to focus more on specific bits and the feelings that come with them and a general "theme" if anything. So, I think this song and its story is very engaging and I like it a lot and it certainly provokes further thoughts and ponderings, those 6 and a half minutes fly by super fast (guess that's just the power with sparks and their long songs, it's kind of incredible how maybe this goes ESPECIALLY for songs that rely a LOT on repetition, because those might work this trend the best), lots of variation, while still keeping some prominently repetitive / reoccurring parts balances it very well. You're really just thrown from one part to the next with this song. Ok, I wrote a lot about just one song and I feel like there's still more I could say if I thought about it hard, but let's move on now, we don't have all day (night)...
2) Perfume ▪︎
This is a favourite. An instant favourite. Right away this song grabbed me with its subdued, brooding and honestly pretty dark tone and sound. Low vocals, kind of ragged but driving guitar sound, and the DRUMS. They do SO much for this track, something about this specific drum pattern / style is very pleasant to me, very atmospheric. It's like a specific pattern that works to deliver some kind of effect (ok, I think through that, in a way, I just described the whole thing with repetition in sparks' music, especially in this era, nice, I guess that's how I view it and why it works so well) there's still a lot of interesting stuff going on there, plus it just sounds nice, idk. Once again, maybe "driving" is a good word for it. But now I need to mention that there is this one odd-one-out part that sounds much more cheerful, or maybe hopeful (and it returns again near the end). Because it has this specific thing, the different intonation of the SAME lyrics than the rest of the song ("and that's why...") feels strangely emotional. It certainly hit ME in the feels once I noticed it, so, yeah!!
So I think this is one of the darkest songs in mood and sound, while it also has something extremely COOL about its sound that I can't really categorize, I think I'm gonna feel like repeating this for every other song on the album but it just feels so CLASSIC, it's that typical song that always existed type of feel, yeah. But here it's less so due the melody necessarily, and more due to the whole picture. With some others it's also the song as a whole of course but they don't necessarily feel as much as a representation of a whole THING / genre / type of song / feeling in music of sorts (I'm really bad at articulating my exact views on these, am I not...) rather than those specific special moments that just bring it all to the next level. But OHHH I can't believe I almost forgot this, but the piano lines (I mean the post-chorus ones specifically) in this song, oh my goddddd!!!!!!! They're truly THE thing that sold me on this song completely, they're just so... something. So I guess this song also has that special "it" moment after all, doesn't it? Well, still possibly not quite as prominently as the next one, because...
3) The Very Next Fight ▪︎
Well, this is the kind of song that's completely made up of those specific parts making a very special whole. Starting with, of course, that melody line during the chorus "it's always the same. It's always the same". But maybe, just to be fair, I should actually start with where the song actually starts so, well, hmmm, the beginning. The very solemn piano and overall kind of heavy atmopshere here kind of slows down the momentum after the first two songs, and it delivers something quite different instead. So yeah, well, that chorus melody!! Oh wow!!! Isn't it so simple though? But it works so well!! It's simply beautiful honestly. It absolutely is! And later the electric guitar comes in for more effect and oh wow, it feels so incredible, yeah. And then some more solemnity with the... I think harpsichord?
This track feels very empty (as in the atmosphere, I'm not actually calling it empty as a bad thing or something like that, no no no!!) in some parts, then it has those emotionally charged bits, and let's not forget that it has some more really amazing guitarwork near the end. That kind of guitar "wailing" sounds beautiful in its own right too, it also kind of reminds me of some other rock-adjacent genre(s), I can't tell what exactly though...
4) (Baby, Baby) Can I Invade Your Country ▪︎
In all honesty, after my first listen I decided that this was probably the song I was the least impressed by? Kinda strange, yeah, because I no longer think that, and yeah, it was another one that I was only slightly familiar with already. Very slightly. It's a very interesting song once again, I think it's really unique after some thought actually (as are most all of the songs on this record tbh, obviously). It's unique, but it once again has this special classic quality to it that just feels like it represents a very specific type of sound.
I wanna say that the chord progression in the chorus might be some variation of one of the "usual" progressions although OF COURSE I might be very wrong here, it's just the feeling I get because maybe it's worth mentioning that 1) a while ago I started noticing this one type of progression in songs that made them sound very similar to Kiss Me, Son of God (They Might Be Giants song), so I figured it must mean that KMSOG is just in some kind of typical progression that is used a lot, especially in country-sounding songs from my experience 2) there was also an element of some classic rock / rock&roll (?) / punk (??) songs that also made them sound very alike after a while when I started listening to this one internet radio station recently, idk if it's the same progression or its variation or if all those songs use different variations mostly but are still based on a very similar thing at the end of the day, but yeah. I might still not understand chords or be able to catch them while listening, but there's now at least a little part of that whole section of music theory that I might be able to recognise in music just by myself, so that's some major music literacy development on my part I think... Anyway, maybe the progression in this song didn't even remind me of that usual pattern specifically, but it just made me think of that thing nevertheless, maybe it's similar, maybe it's not... So this was kind of an irrelevant tangent on my part, oops.
So ok, let's get to the jist of this... What exactly I like about this song and such, or just what I wanna mention. Well, I wanna mention that this is probably one of the more repetitive songs, also one of the longest I think, maybe the third longest, I wouldn't be surprised by that (the opener and closer are both pretty tough competition in the length department) but it doesn't feel monotonous, it flies by super fast, once again.
I think it's also possibly the brightest sounding song on the record, the word that immediately sprung to mind here is "triumphant". Certainly fitting with all those awesome horns!! They're truly what really sets this song apart. I'm especially a fan of the horns in the bridge part, I think it's the bridge. Sooo so cool sounding, kind of "descending". I also really like the layering of the different vocals and their melodies and such, the acoustic guitar also brings it all soooo nicely together, it's so pleasant sounding, especially in the quieter "baby, let's invade" part.
Idk what else to say, very awesome song though and I definitely don't mind listening to it twice (with the repeat as a bonus track, which I'll also get to briefly at the end) at all, in fact this might be the least "intrusive" song in a sense, so that makes the best choice for a repeat, if I had to choose, I could see myself going with this one, it's just very pleasant all around.
5) Rock, Rock, Rock ▪︎
So things get real once again, huh. This is one of the songs that I count in the category of kind of sick and twisted but in a way where I only respect them more for making it, so that puts it right next to, hmmmm, sherlock holmes for sure, maybe some others I can't think of right now. Big part of that factor is surely played by the repetition which just works, well, very well. Specifically the choruses.
One part of this song I was pleasantly reminded of on my first few listens were the short strings interludes, they really give it some of that pleasant classical feel (a separate thing from what i describe as classic feel here!) that I could say kind of contrast with the song and its atmosphere in general. Or maybe spruce it up, idk, we do have very dramatic strings during the verses too... The very deep drum sound is also pretty prominent in this track I think, pretty great.
As to some more notable parts in the vocals department... Let's just say that the way Russell says some words is very, uhhhhhh, effective (i think this sounds more cursed than it should, but i mean exactly that, the delivery just really hits you... and other times it's kind of silly instead). And also, with that repetition and it creating something great in mind, there's the repeated "and since you put-" part near the end that's also really great. The repeated "I"s in the bridge I think also need a mention. It's like they know exactly what word / phrase to repeat, what amount of times, and in which part of the song for it to work the best, like the perfect placement and number.
I think this song also has a bit of a fake ending, so that's also something of note, especially when it's supposed to sound as dramatic as possible (at least that's the idea I get from it). And actually, oh, so does the previous song! I forgot that part even though it's even more noticeable / memorable in that song than it is here imo.
6) Metaphor •
Second half of the album starts off with something that's very elegant and all the while very pleasant and melodic, all of which makes it a very nice track, even in a more usual pop song sense. Some very cool piano to start things off, and the electric guitar accompaniment, which also enters pretty early on. And then we have that slightly more strange part, kind of like an early bridge, that honestly has a bit of a comical effect imo (with no disrespect intended!!)? As in, I find it kind of funny and silly personally. Yeah, the "who's up for a metaphor" part, especially when we get the repeated "don't don't"s and "we we"s, and, well, what follows is what's definitely the greatest part(s) of the song, when Russell enters his falsetto mode and we get the "aaaaa-ªªªªª..." etc. backup vocals in choruses. Those are the moments of the song that are just, well, ONCE again that classic factor that makes the melody & everything else super special. But more specifically, I think those parts are just kind of beautiful. Yeah, I'd say this song is the prettiest in sound that this album gets overall. Truly wonderful and gets you excited for the remaining songs.
Meanwhile, the spellings of dig as d-i-g might feel kind of random I guess? But it works. Adds variety or whatever (note: it's also a very good moment of a rhythm change I believe, I think now that's what makes it sound as cool and satisfying as it does). So yeah, kind of a heavenly song I think, in a sense, also one of my top faves just for that factor (note: this song is now probably my favourite on HYL, and also among my top fav Sparks songs overall. It wasn't instant, but it grew on me quickly and oh man, I truly love this song so much now)
7) Waterproof •
I think this is kind of an odd-one-out actually? And why? I think it's probably the closest on the album to being sort of a fully, or at least MOSTLY, "normal" song. It doesn't have so many parts that are just downright weird and unexpected I'd say, it's just kind of friendly instead compared to the other ones (note: it took me perhaps too long to realize that this song just doesn't have quite as much repetition, which most other songs here rely on heavily, so that's definitely what makes it stand out the most). Not that it's an entirely bad thing! Sometimes you gotta slow down and relax a bit I guess...
I do appreciate the kind of sudden switch with the "the sky is starting to cloud up" part, and the little orchestral bit right after the first time the aforementioned switch happens (the second? or generally some later time it happens again there are also some very awesome horns! Really starts feeling like a quaint rainy street in some french town or something...) when, well, I was going to say that the vocals and the strings do the same melody, but they actually don't, at least not fully, still though, I did have that illusion before I made sure it wasn't the case with another relisten, either way, when it DOES happen, and Sparks do that a whole lot I feel like, it's always quite awesome, I mean, syncing the vocal melody with some other prominent intrument's melody...
The I think harpsichord also makes a return, yay! And then there's the guitar part, that does have some real surprise factor when it comes in, but this time for sort of the opposite reason - it sounds bright and nice this time around, and also it reminds me of Sparks' later style tbh, specifically in their following more rock-centric songs of course. And I think that's very nice, we see the always progressing evolution of their sound here I think. That guitar bit also has some album closer vibes, that kind of fake closer (or nearly-closer) situation kind of reminds me of a similar thing I experienced with Bon Voyage on Propaganda for example (note: I have since learned that Bon Voyage IS the closer on Propaganda, and the following two songs on streaming are just b-sides. So it makes sense that it would sound like an album closer because it IS one).
Annnddd the last thing that I just can't forget about here is Russell's another epic falsetto moment (waterwatereverywherebutnotadroponme!~) that part actually makes me smile. Yeah. Legit. I paid attention and I did smile on that part during my relisten today. ... Ok, let's go on.
8) Here Kitty •
When this song came on the first time during my vinyl listening I of course instantly knew exactly which song it was (bcs I've heard the title before, and a few words on it too) and had this little amused "oh no" moment. And, well, turns out this song is actually very awesome and veeeery interesting! It adds something really unique to the album. I saw someone call it quite impressive in the vocals / vocal lines layering department recently (in the last week, so already after hearing it myself I'm pretty sure) and I absolutely agree.
First off, let's settle that - this is a very strange song. But that's exactly what makes it so good of course. The strangeness keeps you so distracted from this fact, that when we reach the bridge of the song you suddenly realize that beneath all the "tatata"s, meows and unsettling rising piano notes we have the very much usual song structure with verses and choruses. Yeah, I think I actually sort of figured it out, what might be the verse, and what might be the chorus... Speaking of which, the parts that I identified as choruses have this, well, it's the same thing all over again (but each time the specialness comes from a different place and is totally different of course), but that very classic feel, indicative of maybe even some specific genre but idk what exactly...
Besides that, well, maybe let's go back to my oh no moment for a minute, and let me say that I either am very illiterate in that sense (and yeah I am tbh) or the lyrics aren't as overtly, let's say, innuendo-filled? as I expected. They actually have a semblance of a story you know... I mean, NO, not even a semblance, it IS a story! Let me also say that this is a very interesting song to have stuck in your head a lot over the course of pretty much an entire week. Yes, it got to the point where it could be annoying. One last bit of the song I really like is at the very end, when one vocal line starts to sound kind of echoey / distant, nice touch.
9) There's No Such Thing as Aliens •
The song that first cemented itself as being by far the shortest song on the album, sort of an interlude before the incoming epicness of the last one (that was quite literally my very first impression before I even heard either, looking at the vinyl this one was visibly much shorter than the last, and of course I expected the last one to be fittingly grand, and so it was obviously, but we'll get to that in a minute). The funny thing is, it's not even that short, as I figured even before eventually making sure how long it was in fact, and that's almost 3 minutes, which, well, of course that's still something around well over two times shorter than the last song.
But enough about its length, this song actually does kind of work as an interlude thematically too, which it is? it sort of even feels like it doesn't quite fit with the themes of the other ones, I mean, maybe not that it doesn't fit but just that it's defintely the furthest removed from the much more similar topics of the other ones (more about that also later!). Plus it's pretty sparse lyrically, once again, there's less you can fit in under 3 minutes anyway. Which supports the interlude argument also I believe.
Anyway, the music. First of all, waltz time!! Always a treat in sparksland to have that rare spooky 3/4 time track. The feeling I get from this track is: grand, very orchestral, anddd, hmmmm, elegant. But is it more elegant than the rest of the album... Idk, I wanted to use 3 different descriptors. I honestly don't think there's much more to say about this one, it's great, the melody is really great, the grandiosity of the choruses, the even more notable waltz time during verses. I think that yeah, I could pick this track as the most orchestral / classical inspired of the album. One cool moment I'll mention though would be the very ending, with the repeated "no"s going for longer than you'd expect them to maybe, and the deep drum accompanying all that. Very grand ending.
10) As I Sit Down to Play the Organ at the Notre Dame Cathedral •
Well, how do I even start on this one. I think I can say that with literally each single listen I become more and more in awe of this song. Could I even call it even more of a journey than the opener? In a sense, yeah. There's so much going on here. So much that I almost feel like breaking it down into individual parts and giving all of them their due because they all work for the amazingness of the whole. In fact, I might even already have this track roughly memorized (all... 7 minutes of this track) so it could be done. But ok, I'll just go with each part as I remember it, we'll see if I in fact do go over nearly all or all of them.
So. Echoey synth (?) intro, then the first melody part, with the individual words repeated, kind of "urgent" vocals part, very nice rhythm and something I just find very cool. As it progresses we get another part of just the synth / electric guitar-like synth / guitar or whatever this thing is, then a mix of both + this clicky instrument and / OR is it the harpsichord again? Giving it all more urgency and a nice constant rhythm. I also really like when the "byebyebye" vocal gets looped before the synth reenters. Overall, this part of the song has a very electronic, drony feel that I greatly enjoy and find very atmospheric and immersive already.
But, well, it doesn't end here. Because later, everything else stops and we hear a church organ. Even the melody it enters with is very much like something you'd hear in a cathedral, indeed! Good environmental storytelling, isn't it? But then... the organ transitions into this very very cool frantic melody (and by very very cool I mean that it's probably the #1 thing that stood out to me about this song right from the start) which returns consistently throughout the song and is just oh so very awesome.
So we enter the next part, what could probably be called the central part "as I sit down to play the organ...", tension is rising, the organ is doing its thing in the back, then some "hallelujah"s and BOOM! The chorus? The "I've got faith" part of course. And with it some epic strings, and I don't think I can really say what exactly it is about this part that makes it SO FREAKING GOOD & ABSOLUTELY SHOWSTOPPING but it's easily in my top 3 moments on the album at least. Then it's followed by the slightly considerably calmer "she's here..." section and we go mostly full circle for now, more variations on the same parts. Some grandiose "lalala"s & epic drum action too. And then, the "I believe" sections which I cannot let myself neglect, mostly just on the basis of them being kind of sickening to me. You know, in the "why did they do this (said respectfully)" way.
Ok, did I really just talk about all of the individual parts, I guess so. But before I move on I have to mention the moment when the very first major part, the "bye-bye-bye my baby" part, makes a sudden comeback. It's honestly just so good and satisfying, when completely different sections switch and make unexpected (or maybe you actually DO expect them on some subconscious level, and that's what makes them work so well??) returns like this, if a song has that it's very likely it will become a top top favourite or at least have a very big effect on me. Or even HUGE effect, like here.
So yeah, the song does eventually end (I mean technically unbelievable somewhat, since it's so long, but have I actually mentioned yet that this track goes by about just as fast as the first one, because it sure does, you do not notice the time passing WHATSOEVER) on some more "hallelujah"s. And the album's over. Wooo boy.
Bonus tracks
Well, it's not really over yet if it's not the vinyl but the streaming version. We still have just two more bonus tracks, technically just one? So I'll go over both quickly now for completion's sake.
First we have "We Are the Clash" which is a pleasant song for sure, can work as kind of a denouement after the crazy journey of the previous track, so you're left on a little less of a mood unresolution and can become a little less unsettled after all of this going down... Idk.
But yeah, I actually have this impression veering on pretty strong conviction that this song is a cover actually. It could even be a cover of the band whose name is mentioned in the song, which would put this version in a extremely funny area of how far stylistically it might be from the hypothetical original, if it exists (what's up with all these bands and their "we are the [band name]" songs, there's so many). Of course I could also be very wrong about this so all I just wrote could turn out to be absolutely hilariously off target, still, a fun little attempt at guessing things and connecting ideas on my part, whatever the truth turns out to be (I will learn the truth... in due time. My experience tells me that when I'm still fully in initial unwell mode over an album it's difficult for me to read and retain any outside information / commentary on it. So no need to rush it, heh) (note: yeah I was right for once. I meannnn I guess it was obvious anyway but still, let me have this, I've been fooled by assuming that a cover was someone's original song way too many times so I'm happy to not be fooled for once).
So ok, the last last track. Baby baby can i invade your country is baaaaaack, not much to say but it's pretty much the same other than the lyrics, since well, it is the "alternate lyrics" version, not "alternate" version. I do think that it might be slightly longer than the final version though but it's also likely I'm misremembering.
Anyway, lyrics, all I can or feel the need to say is that they seem to be definitely way more to the point on what this song's actual topic is (not... invading... countries . I don't need to explain it here do I) so subtlety win for the final one I guess. Just so it is known, I have not read these two songs' lyrics unlike all the main album tracks'. But I think I caught enough to get the main idea from both, you know. I do think also that the final version's lyrics just kind of sound better, idk if it's the rhythm of the words or what but they do just have a nicer flow. So, improvement, probably, still very nice to know this version anyway of course. (note: yeah i have learned since that most of the final lyrics are the US national anthem. Makes sense that if any song were to have alternate lyrics it would be this one)
To round it all up...
I think there's still a lot that can be said about this album as a whole but how do I go about that. Well, I did mention earlier that I'd come back to a) the overall feel / atmosphere here b) the themes / stories and how they connect. So those shall work as a guide to my conclusions part of this whole review.
First off, I could even say a bit about the main vibe / sound here in reference to Lil' Beethoven! Since it really does work as a sequel, at least in sound, by all means. I described LB with stuff like... cold, distant, cathedral-like, what else was there.... Ok, I have more, lifted directly from my LB write-up. (note: finally listening to LB a month prior to this was enough of a big deal for me that I wrote down my live reactions to hearing the songs) Impersonal / detached. Alien. Spacious.
Do those apply here too? I think so, yeah! Pretty much all of these words also feel like pretty good descriptors here. But honestly, the more I think about it.... Maybe it's just that the distance / the detachedness and alienated feeling is a bit lower here? Or at least in some songs more than the others. It's hard to explain honestly.... That similar atmosphere continues here but it's just..... not as pronounced maybe. Idk, maybe it will become clearer with this next point I wanna make which is that LB actually is less, uhhh friendly in sound. Less accessible! Yeah, I do think that this album could be seen as: LB started the experiment, HYL perfected it by taking it in a slightly more accessible direction. Or is perfected a wrong word here, who can say which was, or should be considered the better outcome here.... I think I actually have a problem putting concepts into the right words today. But maybe at least some of my feelings about this can still come across here...
So yeah, I don't think it's possible to tell if HYL is better or LB, it also depends on how you look at it! As it kind of always does when judging stuff per good / better. One thing that I can say sort of for sure though is that LB certainly started ideas / techniques that HYL expanded on and toyed with further, so in that sense, it could be considered an improvement. And so it is clear, I don't think I can say 100% that I like one more than the other. It's not that simple. I guess you could however say that HYL was more of an instant hitter and LB really just grows and grows more in power overtime....
So yeah, they kind of did take the LB concept and all of the avant-garde, experimentation factors that come with it, and made it more accessible, which is a form of art and an achievement and a testament of skill in itself. I think the somewhat friendlier, more palatable approach of this album also lifts off the coldness aspect a bit, but it's still there, especially on tracks 1, 3, 5, 10, off the top of my head.....
But maybe I should talk more about the album and its sound as it stands on its own before I move on though. Maybe we could jump from the words I already used: classic, orchestral, brooding, dramatic, dark, aggressive (yes, I somehow see it as friendlier than its predecessor despite also being much more aggresive in all senses. Raw even. How does that work? I can't tell you today. And idk if I'll ever figure it out. And also personal, YES, that's the word, this album feels soooo very personal and emotive. Not in the sense that I'm trying to say that it must be personal to them, more like it just shows some very personal feelings and struggles), triumphant (but that goes only for that one song really), driving, ELEGANT. I think the word elegant is the key here. In all of its subtler or less subtle tone shifts it keeps that very elegant, kind of graceful feel, all throughout. Even when it seems to be touching subjects that wouldn't necessarily bring that kind of atmosphere to mind, it kind of elevates them and gives them, idk, a new meaning?
So is this a good segue into the topic of themes? I guess the album name sits well with what I think is going on here, because my main impression of the whole thing was something like.... stories of fucked-up guys with self-image problems / feelings of inadequacy, which they try to go around fully convinced that they're right (and their messy love-lives too ofc). Or are they just, normal, regular guys actually. Who can tell. It certainly gives you an idea / a whole concept to work with and ponder here and to connect and visualize kinda.
I think that yeah, out of what I've heard so far this has to be the most thematically-consistent sparks album there is. It comes to a point where all the songs give this little impression of a whole universe where all of this takes place, and while I've had these kind of impressions from albums that are way more all-over-the-place conceptually with their lyrics (I mean like.... pretty much every They Might Be Giants album. You can create this sort of illusion with more than words, the music and its atmosphere and often also its stylistic consistency might be even more important actually), this comes, in my mind, almost close to concept album levels in that regard.
The definition of a concept album probably calls for something more specific than all the tracks being in sort of a similar theme but you know.... I don't think it really happens most of the time in music in general, that the whole album has this sort of a familiar idea / spirit throughout that makes a unique whole. (note: apparently wikipedia calls this album a concept album. Another win for me in that case, lol). You could probably try to connect different songs' themes and work with that in some way.... Which is something I already did in all honesty, but actually it's a between albums thing here, because I do believe that the dick around guy could be the same guy that the narrator from ugly guys with beautiful girls talks about. Similar ideas you can connect! That's what I'm talking about. I love it when songs tell overarching stories.... Make me think about characters from songs or little universes and vibes created by even the vaguest of lyrics and the ideas those create and the imaginings they bring, any day.
Ok, what else can I say. I think I mostly covered everything I could actually. Should I say something more about the cover with the added context now. I already said that it gives off a "something's wrong" feeling, but I think it's also compelling in how it conveys that elegant, non-threatening and polished image, sterile kinda. Well, I think only one of those four words I just chose doesn't really apply to most of this album's songs. I mean non-threatening ofc. Hmmm, maybe sterile doesn't really work here either, besides those prominent examples of the coldness of sound on this album, it would actually go more with LB, which also has a fittingly minimalist, all-white cover. Collected and orderly to a distressing degree. Just like here, it also gives off some.... distressing vibe. As I already said with the "this isn't right" feel.
What else can I say. In reviews you usually give your opinions, which I very much did throughout this thing here, everything like this is always somewhat subjective I think, but even then, a final verdict could also be said here. I think it's pretty damn clear by now what my opinion on this album is. I wouldn't spend several days writing a review and analysing every little detail if I didn't have a very strong (positive) opinion on this album (I guess I technically can imagine writing a very throughout review of something that just annoys you so much that you simply have to go through everything wrong with it and have some relief and closure through that. I can't see myself doing that kinda thing however, I'm not that kind of hater (or really a hater at all lol, i hope), I'd rather devote my time to things that I find actually cool and awesome and stand-outs in a positive sense, and worthy of attention and that dedication).
So this comment I fittingly found on tumblr over the last few days feels pretty relevant towards my opinion of writing "reviews" of stuff (this was more of a, very detailed analysis I know, but review just kind of fits, especially with how people call their recaps / commentary / writeups of concerts "reviews" a lot of the time):
(note: yeah I think I should come clean here that despite my very recent start of actual social media participation I've already been a serial lurker in various places for years now, lol, I mean, that's probably a normal thing to do though, I hope. I mean, probably lots of people do or did that at some point, but still. And I don't know whose post this is anymore sadly. But I thought I'd keep it here because it's a good summary)
And also, just for the record, this is my opinion on HYL pretty much. Yaaaayyy i loved it i had so much fun!! For real. i'm glad they're creating something!!!! Absolutely. One of a kind album that I will cherish as yet another great and unforgettable entry on the list of albums that changed me (TM) and brought me lots of fun and great memories / associations, even in such a short time. And the actual FIRST on the new list of albums that I'm happy to have brough the utmost attention to and dissected like that. It's out of love.
Thank you for reading this far! Here's a little bunny as a prize!
Whoa whoops this gif was supposed to be small! Have a huge bunny in that case, you deserve it! 🐇
#i recommend sitting down somewhere nice and comfortable#or even getting some snacks and a cup of tea to go with this. for the best reading experience#this is almost 40 000 characters and 10 pages long.... it really didn't feel THAT long when I wrote it in my notes app originally. OMG#also i wanted to add more fun gifs but tumblr did NOT want me to do that and kept deleting the post#okay. no joy and whimsy allowed i suppose#also! drinking game idea: take a shot each time i say 'so yeah' in this review#(no. don't actually do this)#another thing is that i knew i had to divide this into more paragraphs#so that these huge walls of text can be a little less intimidating and easier to read#but the way i did it might not make much sense at times. i just had to get rid of these super long passages wherever possible#and i don't have the energy today to read through this whole thing carefully again so i may just edit it later if there's need#not that it's really that big of a deal anyway. so i'll stop tormenting you all with even more words and move on#goose monologues#sparks
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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Sonine Prime ... Part 5
Hi, everyone and welcome back to Sonine Prime! The part of the show when I come out and talk about Sonine (and a bit of Sontails) in Sonic Prime!
Last time we just barely started Episode 4, so we'll be starting right back up where we left off and seeing how much of the season we can get through before Part 6.
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<< Part 4 | Part 6 >>
(Essay/thoughts/analysis under the cut)
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I lied!
A bit.
We'll pick up right where we left up in Episode 4 still, I promise. I just still wasn't over the ending of episode 3. So, I've decided to use my allotted video per tumblr post this time around to shove it in your faces because I need people to witness this ending. That I am still not over.
Do you get it do you get it do you get it?
Okay, back to the show.
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It's a tiny thing that makes me laugh more than it's relevant, but the scene where Sonic meets Mangey is funny specifically because Sonic is so desperate to find Tails/a version of Tails to help him in each shatterspace up to this point. In a way, it proves to us just how lost Sonic feels without Tails specifically, and just how much the idea of losing him freaks him out.
Sonic is so incredibly freaked out when he catches Mangey (similar to how he was when he thought Mr. Dr. Eggman was going to kill Rebel, Renegade, and Rusty Rose).
"Tails...? TAILS!"
And yet, there's something a bit different about these scenes.
Let's put something into perspective for a moment.
Imagine being Sonic the Hedgehog. Raw talent, natural speed, badnik busting practice. You're aware that no matter what, everything always turns out fine, so you can afford to be cocky. And when things get too confusing for you and "winging it" won't cut it, you've always got your trusty fox best friend. Perhaps even you're a bit scared (whether you admit it or not), you feel lost, like nothing makes sense. But that's okay, because Tails is here. Tails is smart. You can trust him to comprehend what you cannot, to try to explain it to you. Whether you understand or not, at least Tails knows what's going on. And that's enough, because that means he can come up with a plan, and if he can come up with a plan, you just have to execute it. Simple. Easy. And even if he can't understand, can't come up with a plan, at least you have each other, right?
But Sonic woke up in New Yolk alone, has been struggling thus far to understand what's going on around him (one hedgehog with a spotty memory and not even 5% of the context the audience has). So he went to look for Tails first. Because everything is messed up and wrong and Eggman took over, and Sonic doesn’t know how. He doesn't know what happened. But if he can just find Tails, everything will be all okay. Tails can explain it, work out a plan, and Sonic can execute it. They can fix everything together.
But then "Tails" doesn't remember him, neither do his "other friends". He's lost and trying to understand what's happening because no one else can explain it to him.
Or in short, Sonic in Sonic Prime is just trying to seek out the familiar in the unfamiliar, find the one thing (or person, rather) that will make everything make sense, but he can't. Tails isn't around. He's not here (not in New Yolk, Boscage Maze, or No Place). But each time he seeks him out.
And after being ripped away from Nine, and remembering how he'd lost his all his friends before that, it just... Before he knows who Mangey is, when he sees Mangey falling, he moves without thinking, desperate to have Tails back. Desperate to make sure he (and his friends) never die.
"Am I glad to see you. The world is all blgdyblublu. You gotta figure out what's going–"
Even by this point, when he's realized that there are multiple alternate versions of Green Hill, he still tries to seek out Tails/a version of him, hoping someone can make sense of things for him.
But that's the thing. He never finds Tails. Nine and some of the other residents of the shatterverse are helpful, but Sonic has to spend much of the episodes working things out on his own while just wishing things made sense (or he could find Tails, so Tails could make things make sense)
You feel?
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Did anyone ask for more Sonic & versions of Tails and Sonic & versions of Amy parallels? Cool.
So I don't remember if I said this in a previous part, but here's my personal interpretation of Sonic Prime. In Season 1, Tails/Nine/Other Tails variants are paralleled to Amy/Amy variants in regards to Sonic, while in Season 2, Nine is paralleled to Shadow. Whatever your belief is on the relationships Sonic has to certain characters or how they feel about him (and vice versa) canonically, especially in Sonic prime, it remains that S0namy and Sonadow are two of the most popular Sonic the Hedgehog ships. And this is why these Amy/Tails parallels I've been mentioning since the first part matter to me (in terms of what they mean for each of the characters, AND what they mean for Sonic, as well as what the similarities and differences mean).
So. Let's take a look at Sonic's first meeting with Thorn vs his first meeting with Nine.
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Now, the very first difference. How the first meeting went about.
It's important to note that Sonic was purposely looking for Tails back in New Yolk. So when he saw Nine, thinking he was Tails, he followed him to his lab, excited to have found "Tails" and glad one thing (the code to "Tails'" lab) was the same as before. He'd turned Nine's "chair" as he'd done to Tails in the flashback, expecting, well, anything other than for who he thought to be Tails to be attacking him. The idea that "Tails" would attack him instantly throws him off, leaving him confused and sad. But for Thorn? Sonic went into this fight expecting to fight a "monster". For the first minute of the direct fight, he doesn't see more of Thorn aside from possibly her hammer. You can tell how afraid he his by how the camera switches from the hammer to Sonic's face, and shows him desperately trying to crawl away and break free of the thorns keeping him from running. So in opposition to Sonic seeing glimpses of Nine before he meets him proper (and then starts a fight with him), approaching this initially with peace in mind, Sonic doesn’t see Thorn at all until after being hit around a couple times, until after going into all this initially expecting a fight with a "monster".
"Yes! There's my two-tailed genius friend. Surprise~!"
vs
"Amy? You're the monster? Oh. Oh, those guys up above have really got it– Ughk. —wrong."
And then, after each of these, Nine and Thorn attack Sonic.
"Tails? It's me. Your best–"
"Tails, stop! We're buds—amigos! Best friends!"
vs
"Amy, stop! We're friends! You liked me!...to some extent."
Nine and Thorn continue to attack Sonic. Nine and Sonic have a continuous attack on the underground train in the scareport (where Sonic continues to reason with him, tries to remind him of all they've been through together). Thorn sends Sonic up past the trees with her hammer, intending to end the battle altogether.
Now, a couple things to note here. Except when defending himself, Sonic never intends to actually fight Nine back in episode one. In fact, he spends much of the fight dodging and trying to reason with him. And it's clear that Sonic also never expected "Tails" to fight him. The fact that Nine does fight him, treat him like a stranger, throws Sonic off. But with Thorn? Sure, he never intended to fight her in the first place, at least not knowingly. But now that he does know who the "monster" is, he speeds down the nearest tree with clear intent to hit Thorn back. It's only because he flashes back to Amy and this suddenly makes him feel like he'd be fighting a friend does he decide against dealing that heavy blow. And while it throws him off for "Amy" to be so antagonistic, it's clear to me from the "You liked me!...to some extent", and that his first reaction was to hit Thorn back (rather than try to reason with her like with Nine), that the idea of Amy attacking him in general doesn't throw Sonic off. I'd wager that Prime Sonic has likely been at the mercy of Amy's hammer before, in the same way he'd likely never been attacked by Tails.
Now, after deciding he can't just "smash" (as Sonic puts it) Thorn with a clear conscience, he begins to try to reason with her as he had with Nine.
"Quick recap. I'm not from around here. Violence never solves anything. And where I'm from, you and I are buds. So how about we put down your big hammer and just talk, Amy?"
"My name is Thorn Rose, and you are finished!"
vs
"What did you just call me"
"U-Uh...Tails?"
"The name's...NINE!"
...
"Snap out of it, we go way back! All of my best memories of Green Hill have you in 'em, and you're not punching me! Don't you wanna go home? Blue skies, sunny beaches...palm trees?"
"I don't know what kind of mind games you're playing, but it won't work!"
And here's what's interesting about Sonic's demeanor. While he's hurt, confused, and panicked during the fight with Nine (and this shows when he tries to reason with him), he's much calmer when reasoning with Thorn. You know, it's as if to him "Amy" just got angry/lost herself and it's up to him to de-escalate the situation.
With Nine, it's reminding him what Sonic means to him (means to Tails really), of home, of their adventures. With Thorn, it's reminding her of what Sonic means to her (means to Amy really), and, when that fails, trying to calm her down (as Amy herself might) to get her to just talk instead.
Now here's another interesting tidbit for these two fights. When Sonic and Nine enter the scareport, the two of them are on equal footing for the fight. Neither of them really gains the upper hand as Nine fights and Sonic dodges. However, the fight between Sonic and Thorn mostly consists of Thorn hitting Sonic around. Even when Sonic switches from fight mode to dodge and reason with mode, it's a pretty onesided fight, and it's one that Thorn pretty objectively wins. They're not at all on equal footing here.
Luckily for Sonic, though, he's able to successfully appeal to both Nine and Thorn in the end. He saves Nine from being hit by one of the underground trains, and he saves a flicky from drowning in mud. Nine's first impression of Sonic was of a stranger, a bully, intending to harm him and take from him. Thorn's first impression of Sonic is of a greedy scavenger, one of those who would intend to hurt the forest and drain it of its resources.
The tie in? It's that between both moments (saving Nine and saving the flicky), Sonic convinces Nine and Thorn that he's...an outlier of a person.
After Sonic saves Nine, surprising him, Nine finds who he believes to be the only person who would save someone (him) when there doesn't seem to be any immediately identifiable gain for doing so, the only person who may have protected and helped him back when he was young.
While Thorn isn't fully convinced that Sonic isn't one of the scavengers, those who destroyed the forest originally, it's clear that Sonic’s action of going out of his way to help the flickies surprises her. After all, she finally begrudgingly agrees to help Sonic find his way home.
Although, it is also worth noting that while Nine begins to treat Sonic more like a friend than he's ever treated anyone like a friend (when he fixes Sonic's little problem and goes out with him to get the paradox prism), Sonic is treated more like Thorn's captive in episode 4 (one that she'll release out of the forest when his business is finished).
Finally (I apologize for the length of this section of parallels) we get to the bit where Sonic and Thorn find the green shard. So, final things to note. Yes, Sonic spent more time with Nine over 3 episodes than the small portion of 1 episode with Thorn, but I feel it's also pertinent to recognize that neither were actually particularly long stretches of time in universe. Regardless though, for the sake of the parallel, I'm only noting here that Nine has become at least a bit attached to Sonic in a way Thorn has not. Sonic and Nine marvel over the prism together. In fact, it was Nine who'd asked Sonic to "grab the shard already" so they could escape the coucil's fortress together. However, after Sonic digs up the green shard in Boscage Maze, Thorn doesn't marvel over the green shard for too long before hitting Sonic in the face with her hammer, claiming the shard as hers.
But I suppose this also comes back to one big difference between Thorn and Nine.
Nine cares pretty much only about self preservation and staying away from the general public back in episode 1. Thorn, on the other hand, cares about the forest. Thorn was quick to push aside Sonic for the shard, similar to how Nine decided for leaving Rebel, Renegade, and Rusty behind so he'd have a higher chance of escaping with the shard. Only their goals matter. It's just that Nine very quicky integrated Sonic into his plans, while Thorn had not.
Interesting, no?
Okay okay I'll say the thing. Parallels between a Tails and Amy variant both meeting Sonic for the first time and pursing a shard with him: IIII
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So, Sonic goes for the green shard with a spin dash, yelling that he needs it, Thorn goes "as if I'd give the heart of my jungle to a stranger like you. You're a scavenger like the rest" and moves to attack, and so ends episode 4.
Putting the Sonine interactions from episodes 1-3 in comparison to all this with Thorn...really makes me embarassed on Nine's behalf for how telling his actions are😂
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And now for a moment you've (me) all been waiting for (because I didn't find anything in episode 5 I wanted to talk about)...
Sonic Prime Season 1 Episode 6: Situation: Grim!
I've been excited to touch on this episode since I started this little series about Sonine. Why? Because it's one of the season 1 episodes that gives me a lot of second hand embarrassment about Sonine (in a good way!), and it's just so fun to break down.
So, without further ado, let's return to New Yolk.
So, Sonic drops in, gets roped into the ensuing battle with the rebels versus the Eggforcers, and comments that New Yolk City isn't quite how he remembers it. Then, as he goes about explaining that he met "another you" (refering to Renegade), in another place, fighting another battle and the existence of other shards, he asks Renegade where Nine is.
"Anyway. Super stoked to be back to help with...whatever the heck's going on here. Where's Nine? I gotta pick his brain about this other shard I found."
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Later, after Renegade brings Sonic to Rebel and the resistance's base, Renegade "informs" Sonic that Nine left them (Renegade, Rebel, and Rusty) "high and dry" after getting the shard. Of course, similar to the scene in which Nine attacked him in their first meeting (while Sonic thought him to be Tails, this revelation seems to make Sonic...sad (a bit of an understatement, I know). Like he just can't believe Nine would do such a thing.
"I didn't steal the shard!"
"But your fox friend did, right before he left us high and dry."
"He...did?"
Rebel goes on to explain how she and everyone else had trusted them (Sonic and Nine) as a shortened version of the end of episode 3, as well as a continuation of the scene, play out. The audience watches Nine grab the shard, stop and consider saving Rebel, Renegade, and Rusty, before deciding to escape alone with the shard rather than risk losing it over trying to save the three (but it's important to note that Sonic doesn’t see this scene. All he knows is that Nine took the shard and left). Then, Rebel explains that after the event, the resistance grew "without you or that traitorous fox".
Now, how Sonic acts and what he says next tells us a lot about how he sees Nine (or rather how he wants to).
"If they get that energy crystal back, we're done for."
"Nine won't let that happen!"
After having his life threatened by Renegade and some of the resistance (which I may mention that Sonic never gives up anything he knows about Nine to save his own hide, such as the location of his base, even if it is true that he doesn’t know where Nine is currently), Rebel shows Sonic the palm tree. As of the Boscage Maze section, the palm tree has become a symbol to Sonic of what can be, and what he's lost. It's a symbol of the bonds he has with his friends, the memories he made with them, what he hadn't cherished properly before it was gone, and of hope for fhe future. Rebel showing it to him provides adequate motivation to help the rebels, showing him just what's at stake if they fall.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me...but I'm not a traitor and neither is Nine."
"Let me prove it to you. Let me fight by your side."
Sonic how does– how does you fighting with them also prove Nine isn’t a traitor Mr. "I don't want to believe Nine would leave someone to die"
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In any case, the battle between the Rebels, Sonic, and the Chaos Council begin, and Nine shows up just like Sonic always hoped he would.
"Sonic! Hang on!"
*In Unision* "Nine?!"
"You got a plane!...kinda."
In hindsight, we know Nine came to New Yolk to find Sonic and bring him back to The Grim with him. We know this is likely his intention, given how he yells Sonic's name immediately upon appearing in New Yolk, and then says "hang on!" when he sees him in danger.
Bit of a side note here, I actually almost wonder if Nine has the ability to track Sonic (perhaps through his regulators?). I say this because there is no proof, even by season 2, that Nine had gone looking for Sonic in any other shatterspaces and seen them before (in fact there's more proof he went to Boscage Maze and No Place for the very first time while he and Sonic were trying to make off with the shards towards the end of S2). If he was looking for Sonic specifically and just so happened to know not only what shatterspace he was in but also where he was, it makes sense that Nine would be able to portal to about exactly where Sonic was and to come out of the portal yelling his name.
As for Sonic, while Rebel and Renegade are (understandably) none too happy to see him, Sonic is just...so happy, man.
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Now, for the next bit where Nine participates in battling the Chaos Council, I think the intentions here are so interesting. Because Nine? He came here just to find Sonic and bring him back. He's battling the Council to free up Sonic and give him an opening to join him. We know this because Nine practically portals out New Yolk the moment Sonic is safe in the cockpit. Basically, Nine only "helped" so he could return to the Grim with Sonic.
But Sonic? He's just got done asserting that Nine would never betray anyone. He wants to believe that Nine cares for people and fighting for good like he does (and like he believes Tails does, but how Sonic sees Tails and how Tails actually is is an essay for another time). So when Nine shows up and starts blasting the council, Sonic believes not that Nine showed up just for him, but that Nine came to help. To Sonic, Nine showing up in their hour of need proves that he's not a traitor, proves that Nine cares about spreading good and peace to New Yolk like Sonic wants to believe.
Understanding their differing points of view and stances on everything is integral to understanding the miscommunications to come in this very episode, and in the future. And, so does understanding how each of them badly want to believe in a version of the other that wants everything that they want and is the way they think they should be.
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...And that will be it for part 5 of Sonine Prime, everybody! This was a long one, and it would have been longer if not for the tumblr photo limit, but no matter. Next time we'll be continuing Episode 6, and I'll probably mention a hundred more times how embarrassing Sonic and Nine are about each other (Mr. "I smile as soon as I see you again after time apart and wanted to see you again so bad" and Mr. "We barely knew each other for a day but I want to spend my life alone with you in a world of our own making").
See you in the next one!
#sonic the hedgehog#sonic prime#sonine prime#sonine#nine sonic prime#miles nine prower#nine the fox#thorn rose#thorn rose the hedgehog#thorn sonic prime#sontails#essay time#Random thing but sorry about having just. A long deal of text about episode 4 before returning with picture after picture for episode 6😂#Honestly if I don't restrain myself picture wise#episode 6 could take more than a few parts to tackle. I'll do my best though. If I have to I'll make it up with a video#And also sorry this post took so long to make😂😅#I had more to say than I thought I would about episode 6‚ and it took a minute to work myself up to watch ye old comfort show knowing I'd#spend energy and braincells picking it apart to write about instead of just watching for funsies#But yeah anyways. If you've already stuck with me this far I hope you enjoyed. And I hope you enjoy the next part as much as I will enjoy#watching the episode
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reason 846 i hate job interviews: just had a mock interview at a training place and part of the feedback was that i could have dressed smarter for it, by which they meant 'a shirt and trousers' and like. i was wearing womens smart office wear that i have worn to office jobs before so i have to assume they meant 'wear mens office wear', and i just think im gonna have to ask them what they think i should do toward that end because that just does not have an easy answer
#dibi#like you can say 'oh just say fuck em and wear womens office wear' but like. this person knew that i go by Miss neproxrezi surname#they had the same amount of info re: my gender identity and presentation that prospective employers have#so if they did not feel i was dressed appropriately for an interview i have no choice but to address that#like. i have had this exact feedback from an actual interview before. that my actual work clothes were not right#& again i think their view was i should be wearing mens office wear to the interview#and i do not want to start wearing a fucking shirt and tie to interviews#i am comfortably butch but those are just not clothes i wear#gonna ask the training people what they think i should do#the good news is this was almost the only issue they could find#said my mock was one of the best theyve done#but like. fuck me#pretty soon i'll have been on estrogen two years#and i get it! i wear button downs and jeans and no makeup and i have a deep voice! i do not blame her for not getting it!#but it pisses me off that my presentation - that i am wholly comfortable with - is just not understood by so many people#my queer experience out there in the real world face to face is just.. its just lonely as fuck man
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just reflecting today on the 7th poured drink tonight and recalling how when i was venting to my co-workers about yesterday and the panic attack i had and all that, she mentioned how I needed more help when I was drowning and i swear to you the immediate thing that came to mind when she said that was alan wake
#i haven't really made many drowning gifs have i#also i feel bad cause like. god#this is so stupid and convoluted and part of the guilt i'm carrying right now#our customer service department ended up being the straw that broke my back and made me have that panic attack/meltdown yesterday#and i try#i TRY SO HARD to have some empathy towards them cause i mean#they're the ones getting basically abused by our customers#and it hurts so much to me that i can't be more help#and specifically the situation yesterday was me having to jump in and finish something that idk took me all of ten minutes to do#after i asked for some forklift assistance that took maybe like half an hour#but i had asked my employees to get that done *last week* and they couldn't do it#and the poor customer service rep had to escalate it to the director of sales which she flaunted in myf ace#and i felt terrible when i snapped and said 'ok i'll drop everything i'm doing to help you'#when i did legit have a million other things i needed to do#i'm honest to god tempted to rate myself as unsuccessful this year just cause like#i've been having to do my own employee's jobs which is also my fault for maybe not being firm like i need to be#but anyway her saying how i was drowning of course made me think of alan which honestly made me feel a little better#cause i mean it's like nick right#if alan could get out of the dark place even though it took him 13 years maybe i can too#and also inspiring in the way that like. alan needed help and i probably need help too#i've gone to therapy twice once in person and once online and like nick it's just...#not my thing#but something both therapists seemed to concur upon was that my support system isn't the best and i also need to work on myself#and love myself and lmao that's soooooo much easier said than done#but anyway i'm sorry i should get a real diary or somethin but#something about the formatting of tagging like this is weirdly comforting
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confession #252
talking about your feelings and getting actual support and help <<<<<<<<<<<<< projecting everything and anything onto Drew and Drew only
#tmf confessions#tmf#the music freaks#rosyclozy#freakblr#confessions 250-259#tbh you can always message me on discord or tumblr or smth#i'm not good at comforting#but i'm always listening pooks 👍#and with the war on november 11th or something#i'm gonna help y'all okay 👍 or i'll do my best trying to
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Not to say one can't consume media they don't 100% agree with (I do the same so like), but you talk a lot about how the core views of TPN vs BSD change your entire way of enjoying these two, and I was wondering what drew you in into BSD if there are so many aspects of it you disagree with?
(Not meant as an attack or as a questioning of you enjoying it, I always am interested in your analysis so this is just out of curiosity, and also I am planning to pick up TPN again sometime this year)
#I've probably already mentioned it somewhere but this was the exact picture that made me start liking sskk wwwwww#And by extension made me stick around bsd#That said do I really talk a lot about t/pn???? To think I was doing my best to keep it at minimum‚ sorry‚ I sincerely didn't realize 😭😭😭#In the end sskk is just a ship I particularly enjoy consuming (and producing I guess) content of in this particular period of my life-#about that I know for sure I would definitely have hated the pairing when I was 14-18 ahah.#And tbh I hope next I'll hyperfixate on healthier ships#But I just. at this time of my life I find the idea of someone loving you despite you not being a good person strangely comforting.#The idea that even the most evil of people can be loved is oddly reassuring#Besides I like the fandom! I mean‚ in the perfect world at this point I would still be in the p/p fandom... But my p/p hyperfixation ended–#up burning out sooner than how it would have done organically because the fandom was nearly non existent and the canon content was–#untranslated and extremely difficult to access. With bsd the monthly chapters release is ideal in the way it’s both a constant influx of–#new content without it being overwhelming. And it's enjoyable to be part of an active fanbase!#I like receiving asks. And celebrating character birthdays together.#sskk#people asks me stuff#That being said please read t/pn if you can!!!! It's really a fabulous story with incredibly insightful themes.#But also remember not to watch the anime since it's not a good adaptation!!!!!!!#As for the physical reason why I got into bsd: it was to impress a girl. duh
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