#and I'd like to come back inside
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Got angry about social media and wrote a mini rant, it's under the cut for comfortability's sake. On a positive note; I've made more progress writing for Virtual Ground tonight and that's Epic, but I'm still plagued by exhaustion. Anyway. I better get back to my scripts.
Can I have like a moment to just fucking whinge about how much I loathe the current state of social media. There are so many things I could complain about, and I do not miss the irony of that statement trust me, but mostly its frustrating as an artist who's recently made two intensive illustrations that I can't immediately share, and I'm writing a long-form webcomic with plans to post pages once I've completed the first episode (AND I'm also trying to write future episodes and iron out plot issues before I commit to drawing to ensure I've got a solid foundation)
It's just really. Really frustrating, when you don't feel like you've got anything to share, you have no energy to make something shareable, and the current nature of platforms demands something absurd from you and you feel a pressure to share something to retain relevancy. This in and of itself, is anti-art and it sucks because on the one hand I'd like people to Behold; My Stuff, but on the other I want to operate like an artist and make art for its sake, but on the other-other I'd like to make products that sell too and these all exist at odds with each other. I don't like what instagram wants from me, in terms of growth and outreach. I don't want to sign up for tiktok. I don't know if any good art-focused platforms or art-friendly platforms exist right now. Is it worth the mental energy signing up and trying?
Ultimately I'm procrastinating and wasting my time writing this post because I'm tired, and I want a dopamine hit because my brain has been fried and re-wired in a bad way and I'm doing my best to fix that. I think it's just frustrating.
All that being said; I'm really excited to make Virtual Ground. I've been holding myself back on this project for so long for the worst reasons and I'm tired of making excuses for it. It's been hard, writing for it. It's been scary. Mostly cause I really want it to be good.
Working on it's brought me a lot of purpose, that being said. And I'm still on track to have something before the end of the year. I just wish I felt better about it.
Anyway have a "haha funny" WIP of my faves which I'm slowly chipping away on, as a palette cleanser
#shy talks#not art#little bit of a rant/vent but i'm all better now#and I'd like to come back inside#focusing on the positives: virtual ground is progressing#I just wish writing came easier to me#or I could let myself be happier with not being as good as I feel I need to be#but at the same time#shooting for the stars is good#cause even if you miss#you'll still land pretty far if you try hard enough
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I have this small, deeply personal headcanon that after his grandmother's passing, Alhaitham's home was so unbearably quiet that he started--just barely, just one or two words--to speak out loud to her as if she was still there.
"I've been accepted to the Akademiya, Grandmother."
"I passed my promotion exams."
"I debated with Haravatat's sage."
Just that, and quiet again.
But one day, it's: "I met someone strange."
"He keeps showing up when I'm trying to study."
"We don't agree on anything. Still..."
"I made a friend."
"Today, Kaveh and I were researching--"
"It's already dark. I didn't realize we spent so long in Razan Garden. Kaveh wanted to hear about my article--"
"He's going to be furious when I tell him the whole point for his portion of the lecture is based on a false predicate--"
The house where his grandmother used to be gets a little louder again; the noise lasts a little longer.
Until one day, when there's no words at all.
One day, when there's just the sound of a single sob, and then a long, long silence.
#genshin impact#alhaitham#kaveh#haikaveh#kavetham#sometimes you wanna laugh#and sometimes you wanna think about things that make you ache inside#Alhaitham is a miracle of a man#because if my ONLY friend told me they regretted ever befriending me in the first place#I don't know if I'd be able to come back from that one#okay okay but enough of the angst; hear me out#here's the second half of the headcanon#Alhaitham comes home from work#their house is eerily quiet#normally Kaveh's humming to himself while he cleans#cursing his clients and his own high standards in equal measure#or banging away on his prototypes#with Mehrak beeping along for moral support#but today there's just a quiet murmur from the library#Alhaitham looks in#Kaveh is at the desk#he's fiddling with the small portrait of Alhaitham's grandmother#the one Alhaitham packed away when he moved into the home they were awarded together#and in the quiet#Kaveh is saying “Well the resemblance might be uncanny but you look like a warmer sort.”#“I can tell you wouldn't tease me for forgetting Khwarizmi's third principle.”#“Would you believe what your own grandson says sometimes--he actually claimed--”#and if--muffled against the door sill--there's the barest hiccup#that sounds like a single little sob dipped gold in joy#well no one will ever hear it but Alhaitham anyway
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*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it
#GUESS WHO GOT A PIERCING INFECTION SO BAD OVERNIGHT SHE HAD TO RUSH TO THE HOSPITAL#AND GET SURGERY TO REMOVE IT BC THE METAL WAS BURROWING ITSELF INSIDE HER LIP#yep that was meee :3#man. it sounds so silly now. like that probably shouldn't have made me panic nearly as much as it did#but you have to understand at the time it was terrifying#I noticed my lip was a bit swollen earlier in the night but I was like ok it's probably nothing serious#I put some ice on it hoping it would be back to normal after I got some sleep#then I woke up at like 5:30 AM with my lip super swollen and my lip piercing literally burying itself inside my flesh#I tried pushing it back out a bit and blood and pus started coming out so yk I started panicking#so I went upstairs and I asked my mom to drive me to the hospital#luckily we have free healthcare in brazil and the hospital was basically empty(this was on sunday)#but when I got there they told me the doctor wouldn't arrive until 8AM and it was like 6:45 at that point#so I REALLY started panicking 🫠 bc I could feel like the piercing kept burying itself more deeply like#I felt like the skin inside my lip was going to close around it and I was terrified bc I had no idea what to do#and I was scared it might make things worse#but all I could do was sit there and wait and so I started having a panic attack#luckily my mom was there with me the whole time so at least I didn't feel alone#and then I just. waited for it to end. and then tried to keep myself distracted until the doctor got there#I got treated by military doctors! sjdjcjck the army has been giving additional support for hospitals in my city#bc of the floods some health units are currently closed and demand got higher so they needed extra support there#so an army doctor performed my surgery(inside an army tent no less ajfjjfkf maybe not ideal but. functional)#he was so nice?? like probably the calmest most careful doctor I've ever been treated by#I still had a bit of a nervous breakdown again after the surgery but that was bc I'd never been through something like that before#I got anesthesia obvs but I still felt the tug when he cut into my skin to remove the piercing and did my stitches#so my mind started cooking up all these horrible scenarios of how everything could go wrong and I was gonna die#cried on the doctor's table. 👍🏻 awesome#but he and his assistant were super nice about it she even offered me a hug#but anyway in the end I finally calmed down and got some medication#now I'm all stitched up with my little bloated lip eating soup out of a straw 👍🏻 but I'm ALIVE and I'm just glad it's all over fjjvjkf#sleep.txt
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dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden
#chilaios#that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao#HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID#they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well.#and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah....#'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact.#she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns.#'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ...#that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked.#'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver#to see chilchuck . BEET. RED.#because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW.#She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach#miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in#she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing?#chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT#AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO#chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear.#Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that.#between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks -#'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums.#rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit.#i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way.#i think . I think it's hot.#enough to turn you to drink isn't it!#u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant?#does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it#a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world.#whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care#lesbiance
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Just some crappy Mikage drawings based on images from the show cause I need practice... I feel like I'm really getting the devianart experience tryna draw him😅😭
He looks much better in the show I assure you...
[writing on top left says 'Mikage Death Pose' since it looks very simpson death esque; writing for glasses (he looks so cool in his prof outfit) says 'stylish professor turned stylish librarian after pick-up attempt' (cause I accidentally gave him lipstick😅); middle left writing says 'shading fail' and 'dude being shady- not blushy; and bottom writing says 'Gah... She kept me waiting again!']
Favorite's definitely the bottom one
#mikage souji#my art#rgu#revolutionary girl utena#He looks like a sullen teen in the bottom one😁#I know these images aren't great but can you SEE the Scarecrow#like search up photos of this guy and tell me he isn't using his students' anxieties and fear for his sick little manipulation experiments#Oh you can't? Maybe that's because it's FREAKING CANON#Just imagining this guy facing off against The Batman is really funny to me#since I was thinking of RGU as Batman I obviously couldn't help imagining the inverse#where Batman is Utena and Crane is Mikage#but it's a bit harder trying to pin who would be who that way#it's hard enough trying to decide who's which Rogue for Utena...#like what am I supposed to do for Miki -_- only thing coming to mind is Riddler... RIDDLER! Isn't that awful? So back to the drawing board.#but that being said Riddler might be a good Miki in the inverse. Genius who's condescended to for his age; doesn't quite fit with the other#If it wasn't for his personality I'd say maybe Catwoman could replace Miki...#but the inverse's biggest issue is the Rose Bride#if I was doing BTAA specifically Harvey could be the Rose Bride no problem#But I don't know how that would hold up against other iterations of him#and Poison Ivy is a human plant who attracts people but is also very independent and in control#which would be interesting putting her in that role since Anthy is kinda like that on the inside🤔#but then Akio is an issue so it's a whole mess I'm trying to untangle. I've mostly got the Utena ones down#but it'd be nice to get more hard hitters in it that just don't seem to fit like Oswald
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THE BEST OF PRIORITY: SUR'KESH
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Urdnot Wrex With: Lt. Steve Cortez, Dr. Mordin Solus, Major Kirrahe, and Urdnot Bakara And a Special Guest Appearance by: Adm. Steven Hackett Alliance R&D has officially begun construction on the Prothean device. The team has dubbed it: "Project Crucible". We're throwing everybody who knows how to throw a hammer at it. This is gonna be the most ambitious undertaking in human history. I'm not saying it won't be a challenge- but we can do this, Shepard. You can do this. Never doubt that. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
+BONUS (the smirk™️)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#james vega#EDI#urdnot wrex#steve cortez#mordin solus#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#i feel like i probably should have split the actually sur'kesh set in half like i did with mars#but i got lazy after i split out the normandy summit gifs and i wanted to keep the rest of the mission together lol#wrex having small conversation moments with james and EDI was everything to me#bc with both of them it felt like wrex passing on some of his old kid on the block knowledge to the new kids on the block and i just 🥺#like i didn't get it in the gif but the second part of that convo with james he says something like#'you're one of shep's new recruits? hang on kid- it's a hell of a ride!' and when i tell you i SOBBED#like the entire first half of this playthrough is soph taking her newer squadmates out to help her build the army for the reaper war#so running into all these old friends/teammates and hearing them share their wisdom with james and EDI as new recruits is everything to me!#also EDI and james look very cute in their armor (ESPECIALLY EDI IN HER HUNTER HOOD I LOVE HER YOUR HONOR)#i'm just gonna say wrex's little tongue out at the salarians in the background of padok's gif sent me so hard i had to include it LMAO#and i'd write something about the mordin cameo but the mordin cameo on tuchanka is better so i'll save my thoughts for that one#ig thanks for being wrex's inside man mordin you were real for that one#the real salarian homie of this mission was kirrahe and i love him (he's my favorite and i adore him thank you for coming to my TEDtalk) :)#and i will also say that i adore bakara and she's the highlight of this mission for me bc of the lines but also like???#her grabbing the shotgun from wrex to take out the cerberus troops is everything and his expression afterwards is *chef's kiss*#and SOPH'S LITTLE SMIRK LMAOOOOOOO i had to include it bc i saw it in the back and it sent me to the next dimension lol#and since i just use the tags to share all my annoying little thoughts on a final note:#i included the elevator bomb scene bc in soph's canon she gets injured during it for the shenko angst pre-coup bc i'm an angsty bitch :)
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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it's really funny seeing everyone salty posts about the hidden agenda finale and i actually agree with everyone but the thing is!!!! i'm just vibing!!!!
i went into this show with absolutely ZERO expectations (and in fact, i would have been extremely surprised if this show ended up being actually good dkfjkfddf), i've never given a single shit about the plot and/or the writing bc i came here for the joongdunk vibes and the joongdunk vibes alone and i had a blast watching this series
like, i'm not even gonna bother criticising this drama bc from the beginning i didn't expect it to be very impressive anyway and so i'll just keep sitting here in my pile of garbage and vibing with it <3333
#watching joongdunk flirt on camera and be cute makes me feel good and that's exactly what i came here for#i got what i wanted and i don't care about the rest#as i said i'm just vibing!!!!!#the finale was underwhelming? there was no Real hidden agenda?#so what!! at least i got the funniest kiss scene ever with zo yoinking joke inside and kissing him stupid and yeeting him back out again!!!#that's all i need thanks dfkdfkkdfgdfkg#hidden agenda#ha ep12#airenyah plappert#adrm#sometimes thing's just ain't that deep and that's ok#(though i get everyone's frustrations very well and i would have been just as annoyed if i'd expected anything from the show at all)#(apart from mindless fluff that i need zero braincells for)#(for me personally this show is perfect kjdfjkdfkjd)#also congrats for joongdunk on getting to do a sex scene i guess lol#(well. heavy make-out scene more like it)#anyway seeing how excited they were for that scene to drop and considering their lolfanfest performance of dum dum#also with them coming up themselves with the idea of switching positions for the bite#i can see them do a show like only friends lmaooo#i'm generally against set actor pairs but i do hope joongdunk will do more series together jkkjkdf
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pretty sure i just got a spider bite while trying to fall asleep 🧍
#i thought it was just a stray hair on my elbow under the blanket and kept trying to shake it off#and then i finally went to brush it off w my hand and felt a bump there#and then it was unbearably itchy so i turned the lamp on to apply some anti-itch stuff bc it was driving me nuts#and i was trying to see where it was on my elbow bc wtf when did i get bit#and then i looked at it and it was very pale like a fresh bite and then there was some skin torn like a spider bite#i cant tell if theres two little holes or not and honestly idk if spiders always leave two fang marks fjdkdl#but it doesnt look like a mosquito bite unless i tore the skin myself from scratching at it#but the way it is looking... very similar to past spider bites#anyways i just removed everything from my bed and methodically searched Everything. looked all around the bed too. cannot find a spider#so. shrug. <- actually very afraid#but the thing that makes me Really think it's a spider is that the bump was super pale and now after a little while it is regular skintone#so that makes me think it was a brand new fresh bite the way it was a different colour and now its normal looking#which is uhhh scary! to have had a spider possibly in my bed!#and I can't find it so i simply do not Know and that is going to make it so hard to sleep tonight fjfkdl#man i barely ate today too so im just... really not doing well at this very moment fjfkdl#i cant eat anything rn though bc i already brushed my teeth and i dont want to do that again tonight fjfkdl#but i am. so hungry. augh. idk what I'd even eat anyways im too anxious to stomach anything#WHERE IS THIS SPIDER. WHY DID IT CHOOSE MY BED TO BE IN 😭#im in bed so often ... it should avoid places where ppl are ....#i feel like such shit rn fjdkdl i just rly wish i didnt have to deal w all these bugs#in the past month I've had a couple spiders and Several(!) weevils and a centipede and a clicker beetle and a couple earwigs#im just so tired of bugs i rly am fjfkdl idk why they choose to come inside and idk HOW they're getting inside#i hate living in a basement!!#i just want to sleep so i dont have to deal w being awake for a while fjdkls but now im all freaked out#i want to curl into a little ball and blink out of existence I'll be so honest rn. im just. idk.#✨ I don't think I have a place in society ✨ i am not a good enough person to exist in the world ✨#i dont want to go to sleep bc what if the spider comes back fjfkdl i wish i would've found it so i could've trapped it#and then let it outside tomorrow! i wouldnt have even killed it. the universe should've given me that one bc im so niceys#unfortunately the universe doesnt play nice w me fjfksl#spider tw
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Penny
D: Mistakes? Well, let's go through some of Sammy's greatest hits. Drinking demon blood, check. Being in cahoots with Ruby. Not telling me that you lost your soul. Or how about running around with Samuel for a whole year, letting me think that you were dead while you're doing all kinds of crazy. Those aren't mistakes, Sam. Those are choices!
D: Look, man, I don't even remember what I said, but, uh –
S: But what? But you didn't mean it? Oh, please. You and I both know you didn't need that penny to say those things.
D: Come on, Sam.
S: Own up to your crap, Dean. I told you from the jump where I was coming from, why I didn't look for you. But you? You had secrets. You had Benny. And you got on your high and mighty, and you've been kicking me ever since you got back. But that's over. So move on, or I will.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
D: Your blood's supposed to be purified, isn't it? You ever, uh -- you ever done the "forgive me, father" before?
Well, I mean, I could give you suggestions if you want.
All right. Well, I'm just spit-balling here, but if I were you, uh... Ruby, killing Lilith, letting Lucifer out, losing your soul, not looking for me when I went to Purgatory, for starters. Or, hey, h-how about what you did to, uh, Penny Markle in the sixth grade? Why don't you lead with that?
S: Well, that was you.
D: Carry on.
S: You can barely do it with me. I mean, you think I screw up everything I try. You think I need a chaperone, remember?
D: Come on, man. That's not what I meant.
S: No, it's exactly what you meant. You want to know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again.
D: You seriously think that? Because none of it -- none of it -- is true. Listen, man, I know we've had our disagreements, okay? Hell, I know I've said some junk that set you back on your heels. But, Sammy...come on. I killed Benny to save you. I'm willing to let this bastard and all the sons of bitches that killed mom walk because of you. Don't you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you! It has never been like that, ever! I need you to see that. I'm begging you.
sam’s faults
purgatory
#what side of the coin will you be today?#none of it -- none of it -- is true#it has never been like that ever#i wonder where sam could have gotten these ideas from#hop in my car i'll drive you to the edge#tries to jump over the edge#i wanted you to teeter how could you ever think i'd want you to jump i need you#the writing isn't subtle and yet...#spn 8x06#spn 8x23#matter in a state having no fixed shape and no fixed volume#natural agent that stimulates sight and makes things visible#none of the things sam is accused of are a result of him being deliberately bad#dean knows ruby manipulated sam and that he was predisposed to be addicted to demon blood from 6 months old#dean and sam both know heaven and hell tricked them into freeing lucifer#sam absolves dean of any guilt from that#but dean can’t do the same#dean blames sam for coming back soulless#absolutely not sam’s fault but it’s one more thing to blame on him to hurt him#they had an agreement to not obsess over reviving each other again and again#dean locking sam in the panic room#something sam never holds against him#the horrible voicemail the one sam never uses against dean#these things are so obvious why are people stupid#sam always had good intentions he just wanted to help people but he was doomed from the beginning#whatever dean did he was always in the right because he was chosen by heaven#even when sam got to be the hero and throw himself into the cage with lucifer he was atoning for his mistakes#and dean and bobby let him go to hell all the while thinking he deserved it#and sam believes when dean and everyone else tells him he has darkness inside even though he’s the kindest heart among them#all because he was groomed to be the devils vessel and because he wanted freedom from the life his family tried to guilt him into
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when i would absolutely want to share my poems w/ the class but i think I'd get reminded suicide hotlines numbers if I did
#just remembered the time last year where the teacher asked us to read poems to the class#(it was oral class to train us to speak English in front of an audience)#and one of my classmates read a poem she wrote#but like. it was a love poem that was. not to my liking but well written nevertheless#and im writing poems rn (the depression is coming back dw I asked to see my therapist earlier)#and im just like. imagining myself.#hi this is my poem about how I will all eventually abandon you and how my insides are made of clouds and how these things are linked. yea#my ass : hi this is my poem about self harm#the teacher at the first paragraph : OK ITS GETTING LATE DONT YOU NEED TO GET TO YOUR OTHER XLASS#(I'm jesting. the teachers are honestly pretty nice most of them at least)#(I'd never read one of my poems for other reasons too bc I rarely write in entirely correct English#purposefully)#rant tw#suicide
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I can't see the future, but my same job for five years senses tell me that at least next week is going to be a real rat bastard, if not the next few (or if I'm really unlucky, the rest of the weeks in 2023), so I spent most of my free time this weekend cleaning for the mental peace of not thinking about that at least, at the expense of writing time.
ronance: 10473 (+4.65%)
Funny how you can angst about a story for ages, and then it just clicks. Someone presses play on the tape and it's going. I'm not at the point where I can just bear down and finish it, but it's easier to sink into mentally than it's ever been.
I'm going to commit to finishing the draft of this by the end of 2023. Bold move, considering how I feel like the Ralph Wiggum I'm in danger meme when I think about having free time, but I don't want to lose my carefully scraped up momentum at this point.
Also, since I guess it didn't formally make the post last week by a few minutes -
Posted:
Wrapped Around Your Finger (TWN, Geralt/Jaskier, 3.9k, explicit)
#the accountability's coming from inside the house#fingers crossed that by talking about how shitty i think the next x period of time will be i'll dodgeroll that fate#i'd be happy to come back next week and be like: nevermind! it was all chill and fine!
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I am poorer than I've ever been. Pay me $20, and I'll take the time to explain my new 4th dimensional THING. It's a t h i n g .
It's kind of a 4D mental framework, it's kind of a story idea, it's kind of a new way of packaging/extending the classic "2D-to-3D" analogue, it's kind of a practical method for designing 4D maps for 3D characters, it's kind of horrifying, but best of all, it's DEAD simple to explain with simple stick-figure drawings (and text).
$20 buys you my highest-effort reblog (this post) to date, complete with diagrams.
If you can't afford that but want to help me anyway (I love you), you can give me $5, and we'll figure out something (unrelated to the thing).
#It's also the first dimensional concept that's had me excited in years#There were cool new stories#But I felt like I'd run out of new *ideas*#And grew weary of rehashes the same concepts FLATLAND already nailed in the *1880s*#Besides a fun two-day blip of#“Hey! In 4D you can walk around a wall the same way we can walk around a pole!”#(Which I haven't seen anywhere since coming up with it - so it might be original#even though it feels rudimentary to come up with?)#Anyway#I'd kind of turned my back on dimensionality as a concept to explore#But THIS#It feels FRESH#It's got HORROR#And DANGER#(when you're inside it)#it has an IMMENSE capacity for mystery in storytelling#And yet it's simple enough you could explain it in a movie without breaking pace#Even though it's MIND-BENDING to conceptualize#It's trivial to explore#I am so GODDAMN excited for this shit#It is taking up my time#Free me#Please
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Who is your fav from Xiaolin and why!
Well when I was younger I think my fav was split between Jack and Omi with Kimiko as a close 3rd, but nowadays it's 100% Jack XD
He's just so funny and cringefail, but also very clever, passionate, and creative. The work he puts into his robots or his new plans to defeat the monks, the literal time machine he created, the fact that his favorite wu is the monkey staff
He's just a goofy guy having fun doing a competitive scavenger hunt and trying/failing to be edgy while doing so
Also he's surprisingly a STEM guy- he makes spreadsheets for fun!
*plus he has the best and funniest dialogue I think- which in a show like xiaolin showdown is actually kind of a feat. Him and Wuya are just an iconic evil duo like no other... except maybe James and Jesse from pokemon XD
#When I was younger I just related to Omi a lot so I think that's part of why I loved him a lot#watching it now he's a little annoying but back then I just wanted everyone to know how great he was😁which the show delivered on constantly#and Kimiko's just cool!! She's laidback and funny but also I really feel with her anger and frustrations#I wanted her to get more respect and just generally have things go more her way#Also she changes outfits XD don't like all of them but it's fun to see what she comes up with#I think it's so funny that she basically lives inside a walk-in closet#As a random 4th character I'd probably say the Jack clonebot with the heart#I always really liked him so I was bummed he didn't get much screentime#ask#xiaolin showdown#And then Chase and Katknappe because I think she's annoying in a funny way and he's creepy in a cool way#Sorry this was long 😅I don't talk about xiaolin showdown often
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Mystery bugs in my home and I don't recognize them! I've seen a few around at this point and might make a more formal post about it tomorrow but, mystery bugs below the cut if anyone wants to take a shot at helping me ID them:
Not the best pics but it's got an abdomen with clear markings that make me think either roach or earwig, but photos of the nymphs of either don't seem to be matching up; granted I only looked for maybe 5 minutes and mightve missed something obvious but this guy's not ringing any bells for me
#I'm about to head to bed and have quarantined the perpetrator; i feel a little bad but i dont know what he is yet#I'd feel comfortable letting an earwig or smthn like that hang out but. i have reasonable suspicion hanging around this man#bc the apartment is a little messy and. if he is a roach i may bail and look for another room U_U full respect to them#ive seen lots of pet roaches and they make me quite happy to see but idk if I want them free roaming my house...#especially knowing i can't kill them; last time i killed bugs it was a bunch of ants in the pantry and it took an emotional toll on me 😭#I'd go the long and intensive route if it means i can keep them all alive but i know a lot of people don't swing that way#in that particular case i figured my roommates would prefer the ants to not be able to come back + the way to the backyard#door I would have taken them out of wasn't easily accessible so. massacre it was U_U#if you wanted to know ANYTHING about the type of person i am know that i physically cannot kill a bug or else I'll start crying#they're literally just little guys they're just existing!!! i can't punish them for just hanging out!!!! anyways#unfortunately small photogenic man may perish in captivity but that may afford better photo ops hmmmmm#i just need the knowledge base before i make any other judgements#you know what. let's put this in some tags actually; i was gonna formally rewrite this but may as well tag while I'm here#bugs#bugblr#insect identification#hoatm rants#I'm not overly concerned but ive seen a number of these inside now and this is the first one that's made its way to my room
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#going for a second interview at this company feels a lot like religion at this point#namely: you can't prepare because they don't do it like other people#you have no fuckin clue what they're gonna say who's gonna be there what questions they'll ask what they care about#& have no idea how much if any you'll be able to talk#& when you're done you will likely have no idea how you did#i went in like the last day of january & they only called me back now#but it was one of the co-owners instead of hr asking me if i'd found a job yet & asking me to come in#so i will#i had given up on it frankly#don't want to get too invested so we shall see if anything happens#(i say that & yet i'm spiraling inside with all sorts of paranoias about our relationship & the shortness of life & the question of kids#idk.#in a lot of ways the last few years feel like they've turned me on my head & i have no idea who i am anymore or what i want#i have moments of passion & determination but not many & it often feels pointless#i feel helpless to do any of the things i really want to#maybe money will change that & maybe not#all i know is i need a change but i'm terrified of it all the same#i wish i could get over existentialing to death in every phase of my life#and not realizing how good it is/appreciating it until it's over
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