#and I'd have to go to the station which I've been to only a couple of times before

[servuscallidus]

Dad went to summer house for the day and didn't wake me up, so now I'm at home even though I wanted to go and the only reason I wasn't sure was that he wanted to sleep there, which he isn't going to do anyway

[heartfullofleeches]

Clown Talk

Yandere Crime Harem + G.N Clown TV-Showhost Reader

-

Extortion. Aggravated Assault. Murder.

The list went on for the royal who had it all, and lost almost everything in one night.

A well respected and charitable figure in their community, it was a shock to the masses to see local casino owner, and frequent donor to hospitals framed on the five o'clock news for misconduct. Anyone with a good head on their shoulders and a realistic outlook on the world could see straight through the facade. Beneath that mask was a monster - every good deal that person ever committed a cover for their true goals.

Those they had helped plead their innocence. Those they had wronged tied their noose. The documents leaked to the public would tell which party was correct, wiped clean from history before the victor could be declared. Read aloud in court, each word marked a new trial at play. The execution of the rat bastard who got them into this whole ordeal in the first place.

The criminal know exactly who it was. Caught his hand in the cookie jar resembling their safe weeks ago, but they had enough of a heart to let him go for being the one person his little girl had. Not again. Day in and day out they dreamt of how they'd carry out their revenge. Splattering his brains all over the wall. Slicing him into cutlets and having a nice cookout for everyone involved. It was a beautiful dream. The one thing preventing the compete lost of their sanity. Shouldn't be too long now until their people manage to get them out and their hands around that bastard's neck. Only a matter of time-

"Quit mumbling to yourself- I can't hear the TV."

As if this hell couldn't get any worse. A desaturated rainbow flies across the television screen, showering an empty field with stars and hearts that sprout colorful flowers from the earth. The theme song for the show plays in the background; the strums of each guitar string and the voice humming along to the beat drilled into the criminal's head like psychological warfare. While the voice wasn't totally abysmal it still belonged to their greatest enemy. That fucking clown.

"Good Day, everyone! I've missed you all so much, and am so excited to meet all the new faces. Are you ready all for an exciting day of fun and new adventures?"

The few shouts of agreement make their ears bleed more. Needless to say the prison they had been thrown in was a shit hole. Terrible food, hard beds, and televisions that only played one station without interference. That neon haired, colorblock mess of an entertainer had haunted them from day one of their stay; the sounds chasing them whenever they fled to the sanctuary of their cell. Pathetically, while there were a couple naysayers, majority of the prison population had begun to actually like the show. A body hurls into the seat next to them.

"Thank fuck I didn't miss it. You staying this time, Zero?"

Zero's face wrinkles from the frown lines. 4D was a fellow intimate and the biggest fan of the show. A crook booked for various robberies who just like Zero was ratted on by an acquaintance. The nickname came from their tag including the number fourty and they thought it would be cool in unison with the one they forced onto Zero.

"I told you not to call me that."

"I get that you're some big hot-shot and "adults shouldn't be watching shows for kids.", but it's really good when you sit down and watch it. That clown ain't too bad on the eyes either."

Zero resists the urge to snap their fingers as they air quote. "I'd rather flush my head down a toilet."

"Come on! If ya watch it, I'll leave ya alone for the rest of your sentence."

That catches their attention. Armz crossed, Zero looks at the television. The set had switched to that of a kitchen as the clown speaks

"Juno has been feeling better down today, let's cheer him up with his favorite snack! Before we begin, make sure you always ask for an adults help when handing sharp objects or using the stove. Unless you are one yourself. "

With a wink, they throw an apron and go through the steps of making homemade rice treats with the audience. After putting the tray in the oven, they discreetly pull out another one with a full sheet of the treats already made. Marshmallow fluff and melted chocolate chips ooze from their sides as the clown cuts out a heart shaped piece with a cookie cutter.

"And there you go! A simple, fun activity you can do with family and friends, and even get something taste out of it. Juno prefers chocolate, but you can add a number of things to your own and let your imagination run wild."

Great. Now they were annoyed and hungry. They couldn't stand another segment.

"I'm leaving."

4D whines. "Whaaat? That was barely anything. Hey, don't go-"

They grab Zero's sleeve, but are powerless to stop them as they leave the common area and venture up to their room. Over the guard rail of the second floor, they watch the other inmates mindlessly crowded around the television screen and unironically enjoying it. They would've spat at them had it not been for the guard by their cell. Inside the room, their roommate had left the tv on and that same damned show was playing. They go to turn it off only to be cut off by a fake cry of pain.

"Ouch!"

The clown tumbles to the ground, figure looming over them off screen. They come into frame as they grip the clown's arm and helps them to their feet.

"I'm so sorry, Y/n. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's okay, Juno. I know it wasn't on purpose."

The two face the screen as the clown speaks.

"Sometimes our friends do or say things that hurt our feelings. Take a breath, hear them out, but there's one important rule. Remember - forgiveness and friendship aren't always mutual. Sometimes people we may think are our friends go too far, and they believe an apology will make everything okay, but that's not always the case. The best thing you can do is forgive - and let go."

The background music is soft. The clown's smile is sincere, but an offshoot of that silly expression they had moments ago. Forgive. That weasel? There's no way in hell they could. He ruined them. Damaged their imagine. The bitterness Zero held was the only thing that pulled them forward. But what would come after they got their revenge?

"That's all for day, folks! And don't forget- you all may be my helpers, but I am here to help you the most!"

The intimate ends up watching the show until lights out. Each episode holds a new life lesson, cushioned by the silly activites prior to them and the songs the clown and their friends sings at the end. Regrettably, Zero finds their lips twitching upwards and a hushed laugh in their chest at some of the clown's jokes. When the clown visits them in their sleep, the dreams didn't seem as bad as before.

The next day Zero finds 4D in the yard. They're hesitant to speak.

"So... Why exactly do you like that clown?"

4D drops the equipment in their hand, looking flustered. "Wow, uh, why do you ask?"

"Just curious. If it's so embarrassing, I can make it worth while."

4D refuses the cigeratte they offer. "I quit. It ain't nothing serious like that, we just... talked."

Zero raises a brow. "Talked? You some kind of nutcase or something?"

"Maybe, but what I mean is I sent them a letter. After all the rush and freedom of the things I did, I was going mad in here. I got no friends, no family. At the end of every episode there's an address so I thought I'd try and send them a letter. I never expected them to respond. Hell, I thought the guards would tear it up and laugh, but neither of those predictions were true. They... helped me. More than anyone ever had in my life. Even sent me a couple things when I hadn't asked. They're all I have."

4D wipes their face with their sleeve. Zero, unsure, raises their hand to their shoulder, but falls short of a comforting touch.

"..Thanks... Take care."

Zero sits in their cell when the next show comes end. They pen down the address on the screen, wondering if they were really going to go through with this. They write out their letter and hand it off to the only guard they trust.

"What do you do, when you've lost everything."

A response comes in a week's time.

"Hey, there!

First off, I want to say thank you for sending your letter in. From the address and the others I've spoken too, I know that you're going through a really tough time. It's understandable to believe you've lost everything, but there will always be a new ladder to climb to the top so long as you try your hardest. You may be in the dark for now, but the sun will shine again for you some day."

Zero loses track of how many times they read the letter. They can see eraser marks from when the writer rewrote their lines. It was the exact same penmanship as when the clown wrote their name on a drawing they had just finished, clearing out the possibility of it being an assistant on the show. Zero crumples the envelope and throws it in the trash, but tucks the letter under their pillow.

When they are released the following month, they're found sitting in front of the community television.

-

"Sunshine's beautiful this time of day, isn't it?"

"B...oss, I'm sorry, please."

Zero takes another drag of their cigar as his head is dunked into the freezing waters. The silence makes the scenario one for the books, but for some reason the sun just isn't as bright as it was on those dirty screens. They exhale as the bruised male is brought out of the sea once more.

"I forgive you, and now I'm letting go." They wave to the others on the boat. "Drop him. I don't want to be late for the show."

-

Arriving at the studio, a whiny voice drills from behind them.

"Aw, man- you got front row seats? Switch with your ol pal. Its the least you can do since I introduced you to them."

[pokemonshelterstories]

I'm going to travel to the Crown Tundra soon and I know that in some areas (like the field right in front of the train station) you can find wild amaura (as well as some audino and cryogonal). I've been thinking about it and I really want to capture one. Are there any restrictions or can I catch an amaura like any other wild Pokémon?

the amaura have fully integrated themselves into the environment there and are maintaining their population, so you're definitely able to catch one. there are a couple of restrictions, though. you're only allowed to catch one pokemon categorized as a fossil pokemon within the span of 3 months (this is monitored through capture time/location data in the box system), and you can't catch a pokemon with a research band (which contains a pokeball disruptor). i believe the research groups that monitor their populations have an app that tracks where the research individuals are by gps so that you don't try to catch one that's designated for research.

outside of those limitations, you can catch an amaura if you find one! i'd recommend checking out the crown tundra tourism website and visiting their page on the wild pokemon there.

[fast-moon]

I'm 30 years late, but...

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine originally aired when I was 10 years old. I loved Next Generation when I was a kid, so I gave DS9 a try back then... and immediately grew bored of it. They weren't going to new planets or having space battles, they were just sitting around in one place discussing space politics, and there wasn't even anyone funny like Data to hold my attention. So, I stopped watching after a couple episodes.

But, since I keep hearing it ended up being the best Trek seres, I've decided to go ahead and give it a full watch-through. Maybe now that I'm 40 and have more life experience under my belt, I can appreciate it more.

Turns out I do! I've finished the first season, so I'll give a run-down of what I thought of the S1 episodes below the cut:

1-2. Emissary: All right, I actually understand the premise this time which completely went over my head as a kid. The Bajorans were under Cardassian occupation for decades, the Federation showed up and drove them out, now the Federation is in control of the Cardassian space station DS9 to help the Bajorans rebuild and return to self-governance. But wait! Turns out there's a wormhole that goes to the other side of the galaxy here and it's suddenly become prime space real-estate! And the wormhole is inhabited by... mysterious non-temporal entities that spit out a magic orbs from time to time and the Bajorans worship them as prophets.

3. Past Prologue: Garak is queer-coded like whoa and gives Bashir a taste of his own medicine about not respecting boundaries. Is also possibly like a quadruple-agent. And tailors a fine suit. Also, Kira got a haircut. There's rats on spaceships?! Oh, that's just Odo. Okay. Still, the fact that he considered that a convincing disguise means there's rats on spaceships?!

4. A Man Alone: A guy backstabs himself and blames Odo for it.

5. Babel: Poor overworked O'Brien gets so stressed out he starts speaking in tongues. Then it turns out it's contagious. And it turns out that it's because someone sabotaged the station decades ago with a dyslexia virus and then just kind of forgot about it.

6. Captive Pursuit: This actually touches on a moral question I'd been wondering about if we ever end up with sentient AI: If something is bred/programmed to like being oppressed, is it more moral to remove it from its oppression even if that makes it miserable, or to return it to its oppression if that's what makes it happy? This episode chose the latter.

7. Q-Less: A surprisingly boring Q-centric episode whose only shenanigans involved a space stingray Vash was trying to sell off. Q really does miss Picard.

8. Dax: Oh, another philosophical thought-experiment: If you committed a crime and then get reincarnated in a traceable manner and retain all the memories of your previous incarnation, can your current incarnation be held liable for your previous incarnation's actions? This episode decides it doesn't want to answer this because she's not guilty, anyway.

9. The Passenger: Bashir becomes even more insufferable and nobody notices.

10. Move Along Home: Samurai hippies come through the wormhole and demand everyone LARP with them whether they like it or not.

11. The Nagus: Quark falls victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war with Asia". But only slightly less well-known is this: "Never get involved with a Ferengi when profit is on the line".

12. Vortex: So... Odo just lets a guy get away with murder because he has a sob story and claimed he knew others of his kind? Just because he was wanted unjustly on his home planet does not change the fact that he murdered a guy for hire. Also, Odo can get knocked out by a rock?

13. Battle Lines: Remember that "Great Divide" episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender that everyone hated? No reason.

14. The Storyteller: O'Brien goes down to Bajor to fix the pipes, becomes God.

15. Progress: Kira has to go convince a Boomer to leave his land because they need the resources to rebuild the planet, but he's all "I got mine, screw them." She humors his sexist behavior all episode, then burns his house down.

16. If Wishes Were Horses: Bashir wishes for his own personal side-piece Dax, and real Dax is weirdly okay with this because "boys will be boys". The conflict in this episode is literally solved by thinking happy thoughts.

17. The Forsaken: Odo gets sexually harassed so reports it to HR who just laughs him off because they think it would be good for him to get laid. Then he gets stuck in an elevator with his stalker and it's revealed just how physically strenuous it is for him to maintain his human form all day, and yet he has never been afforded any accommodations beyond a bucket to sleep in. This poor space slime, no wonder he's always so grumpy. #JusticeForOdo

18. Dramatis Personae: TNG's "The Inner Light", but stupid. Once again Odo has to save the day because he's immune to the humanoid crazypox that seems to infect the station every half-dozen episodes, and yet they still just can't find it in their effects budget to adjust station operations enough to allow him the minimal comfort of not having to contort himself into human form every day until he collapses just to do his job.

19. Duet: I am a sucker for "Did the janitors on the Death Star deserve to die?" sorts of moral discussions, and this episode delivered that very well. Also, I'm in lesbians with Kira.

20. In the Hands of the Prophets: Lady who doesn't even have kids at the school nevertheless takes issue that the children aren't being taught in accordance to her religious beliefs. It's been 30 years since this came out and nothing changes.

All in all, a decent season 1. It does show its age in places, especially in its treatment of female characters, and being written before the internet and smartphones caused seismic cultural shifts that its vision of the future failed to take into account. But still, I'm liking it now that I actually understand what's going on. On to season 2!

[jenniferjareauwife]

It's A Date

pairing: jennifer jareau x cowgirl fem reader

category: fluff

warnings: none

word count: 786

summary: you meet jj at a bar and set up a date

I took a sip of my beer while looking around the bar. There were a few new people which was strange. I came here almost every night and I'd never seen them before. I locked eyes with a blonde and felt my heart skip a beat. I held eye contact for a second too long and I felt my heart sink when she looked away.

"Another beer hon?" My friend Hayden asked. He was the bartender here, one of the main reasons why I always came.

"Sure."

"She's hot isn't she?"

"Who?"

"The blonde." I took a long sip of my beer and nodded. "I think she'd go for you." He leaned forward on his elbows.

"Probably not."

"Come on. Don't put yourself down like that."

"She probably can't even tell if I'm gay. It's not easy being gay in Texas." I rested my chin on my fist.

"Amen." He got a beer for himself and clinked my bottle with his before moving onto other drinkers.

I hadn't had a girlfriend in so long and it was hard to hit on anyone because I didn't know if they were actually gay or not and I didn't want to make enemies. I had only been with three women in my life and none of them were from the south. "Excuse me." I jumped a bit when I heard a man's deep voice behind me.

"Hi." I turned around in my chair, my eyes half lidded. I had had three beers and I was getting a bit drowsy. "What do you need?"

"Hey there. I'm a friend of blondies over there." He pointed to the hot blonde I saw earlier. She was playing darts with raven haired woman. "She wanted me to come ask you if you'd be willing to go out with her."

"She...asked you...to ask me?" I turned my focus back to him.

"Yup. I'm designated wingman." He laughed and got a beer for himself.

"She's not gonna come over here?" He shook his head with a smile.

"She was too nervous. Thought she would blow it if she came over." When I looked back to her she was looking at me and we made eye contact. I gave her a smile and a flirty wave. "So what's your name?"

"She can tell you." I grabbed my beer and walked over to her. "Hey hon."

"Hey." She looked like she was at a loss for words. "D-did Morgan talk to you?" She brushed her hair out of her face.

"He sure did. Said you wanted to go out with me some time."

"Yeah...yeah I wanna do that." She looked like she was getting more confident now.

"I haven't seen you around. Where are y'all from?" I looked around at her friends.

"We're from Quantico. We work for the FBI." She looked a bit smug now, rightfully so. I felt my heart thrum in my chest. "You from here?"

"Can you not tell by the accent?"

"Honestly I'm a little distracted by your unbuttoned blouse." I laughed and looked down at myself. I could clearly see my bra and toned, tanned stomach.

"So you're from Quantico...but you want me to go out with you?"

"Yes I do."

"So..."

"I'm not against long distance. As long as it's not long term." At some point she has dragged me back to the bar and ordered herself the same beer I was drinking. "Do you feel the same?"

"I've never tried...so I don't know." My voice got a bit quieter.

"If you give me your number I can give you a call."

"Mhm...if you live in Virginia...why are you here?"

"I catch serial killers. I travel all over the country."

"Oh. How's that? Stressful?"

"A bit. Sometimes I don't know if I'm going to come home but I trust my team. Whenever I'm stressed about it I know I can lean on them."

"That must be nice."

"You don't have anyone?"

"Just a couple friends. No family though?"

"Dead?"

"No. Didn't like that I was gay. I've always had this fantasy of moving to the north so I was more accepted...so I can be who I really am but Texas is my home, you know?"

"Yeah I get it. I do." I could see her eyes soften. "Listen...I should probably get going back to my hotel. I have to be at the police station pretty early. But I should be off work by six, so if you're available tomorrow night..." She trailed off.

"Right...here's my number." I grabbed a napkin and wrote it down.

"I'll call you." She stood up and put the napkin in her jean pocket. "Dinner. Tomorrow. 6:30."

"It's a date?" I confirmed.

"It's a date."

[duckielover151]

The End of 911 Lone Star

Well, guys. The announcement has been made. Season five is, indeed, going to be the end.

I'm not gonna say I'm not sad... But I do think there's a silver lining here.

This has been a fantastic show with amazing characters and representation the likes of which I've never seen. (Which somehow miraculously even managed to never feel forced, even though half the premise of this show was "hey, this station needs more diversity; come cherry-pick some firefighters from across the country to fix that.")

Of course I'd love to see this go on indefinitely... but within reason. Yes, we're living in an era of TV shows getting canceled far too soon... But I've also seen plenty of shows burn out and keep dragging along the dead horse of their popularity long after it should have just given its fans a real conclusion they could have been proud of and been done with it.

I'm already super on the fence about how they're possibly going to explain away Grace's absence in a way that works. I'm not totally convinced it can be done.

I don't want this show to get to that point, where half the most beloved characters are all dead or absent for one reason or another, and I'm only sticking around out of a sense of obligation to something I once loved. (You want a good example? I loved Criminal Minds back in the day. But it absolutely should have ended after, like, season 10. It's only been over for 2 years, and they're already Frankenstein-ing a reboot to life! Listen, it was great while it lasted. Now let this thing rest in peace!)

We had some low moments. There were a couple dumb plot points and shaky writing decisions... But overall, I want this to be a series we can all look back on fondly. Here's to a great final season.

[givemea-dam-break]

a/n: this is part 4 for the enemies to lovers lockwood x reader (out the window) that has been requested by quite a few people! thank you all for your continuing support i love you all <;3 @simrah1012 @wordsarelife @aislinrayne @helpmelmao @superpositvecloudshipper -> since you all were waiting so patiently :)

warnings: descriptions of blood and injury gn reader

full series collection: here

"Five jobs in the past week alone. I think you're starting to make all of these up to spend more time with me."

Lockwood grins at you from across the room. If not for the box of doughnuts he'd showed up with as bribery, you wouldn't have let him into your flat again. You're exhausted.

"I can promise you, they aren't being made up. Every case you help us with gets us more and more business. Which, speaking of, have you thought any more on my offer?"

You take a bite out of a particularly yummy-looking doughnut, taking a minute to reply. "And have this amount of work almost every day? Are you trying to kill me?" Another bite as he laughs. "But, yes, I've thought about it."

"And?" He looks eager, excited even.

"Let's see how this case goes today, then I'll make my final decision."

Despite not getting a straight answer, he grins. "You don't even know what it is you're being hired for."

"And?" You shrug. "Might as well. You'll only muck it up without me."

Leaning back against your kitchen counter, you watch Lockwood carefully. In the past few weeks, something about the dynamic between you two has changed wildly, though it's perhaps not the worst thing ever. Within a month alone, you've gone from hating his guts to being able to joke about with him, which is progress, but there's something else hidden beneath it all, a greater motive your soul is striving for.

It's easier to understand his mannerisms now, too, which makes working together a little easier.

Like, now, for example: he's tapping his fingers against the handle of the mug that has now been designated his, which is the only inclination of his anxiousness. It's not as strong as it would be if he were donning that big grin of his while shaking his foot with his legs crossed.

"So?" you say. "What's it this time?"

"Haunted school."

"Ooh, exciting. Haunted by who?"

Lockwood smiles. "A bunch of angry Catholic nuns."

"How many are we talking?"

"Well, the local kids - this is just out of London, by the way - can't seem to agree on a number, but we're thinking at least half a dozen. Some seem to be Type Ones, so easy enough to handle, but there might be a couple of Twos."

Nodding, you take a sip of tea. "Sounds like fun. George at the Archives?"

"He and Lucy," Lockwood says. "They'll meet us at the train, so, if you wouldn't mind coming back to Portland Row with me to get their gear, too, that would be great."

"Oh, so it was already assumed I'd be joining on this case?"

His smile only widens. "Would you really have turned it down?"

"No," you say with a grin.

You grab another doughnut, holding it between your teeth as you grab your duffle bag, and fasten your belt with your rapier and mix of salt bombs and magnesium flares around your waist. The entire time, you can feel Lockwood watching, but, strangely enough, it doesn't leave your skin prickling with unease. Slinging your duffle bag over your shoulder, you turn to him, taking a bite out of the new doughnut.

"Want one before we go?"

"I'd never turn a doughnut down."

--

The train is cool, and you believe the air conditioning deserves a raise. Outside, it's sweltering, and you were sweating by the time you reached Portland Row with Lockwood, never mind the station.

George, within minutes of sitting down, has his notebook and some newspaper clippings sprawled out on the table. Lucy sits beside him, setting things out in a way that makes it make a little more sense - at least to her - and sips on a milkshake you're both sharing.

"The nuns were murdered a hundred or so years ago," George starts. "They had been killed upon finishing the day teaching the schoolkids, but the killers were never identified. Brutal murders: some slashed at the throat, some stabbed, some were even -"

"We get the idea, George," Lockwood says. "What else do we know?"

He barely looks at his notes. "The school is relatively unchanged. Since the start of the problem, they've hung up a few iron and silver crucifixes and crosses, decked the place out with lavender. All the seats and tables have been replaced with iron ones, but the layout is essentially the same. The nuns were killed in the classroom, and that's where they've appeared, according to the locals. A few kids have been hospitalised or killed by ghost touch, along with one of the few teachers."

You frown, looking down at one of the newspaper clippings. "Says here that there were eight that died. That's a lot of Visitors to go up against."

Lockwood waves a hand nonchalantly. "We've dealt with worse, Haven't we, guys? The three of us once took down fourteen Wraiths."

"Kipps' team saved our asses, you mean," Lucy says, taking an angry sip of the milkshake. "Are we sure this isn't more than what we can handle?"

"A few of them sound to be Type Ones," George says, confirming what Lockwood said earlier. "My thinking is that the one in charge, Sister Something-or-Other, will definitely be a Type Two. She has the most reason to want revenge - it was her that was in charge, and it was her fellow nuns killed."

"This is why we've brought extra chains," Lockwood says, and you don't miss how his knee brushes against yours. "Plus a stockpile of spare salt bombs, and we have magnesium flares if we end up needing a last resort. I wouldn't have agreed to this case unless I knew we were capable."

You take the milkshake from Lucy, sipping from your straw. "I don't know... I mean, do we have any clue what the source could be? It's not like there will be anything left of them if it was a century ago."

"Could be an old floorboard left from back then," George suggests. "Or a Bible. That seems likely."

"I still don't feel good about this," Lucy says.

"We'll be fine," Lockwood insists. "Just a few harmless nuns."

--

Spoiler: it is not just a few harmless nuns.

Upon reaching the town, a crowd of locals rushes up to meet you and the members of Lockwood and Co, showing you the way to the school while recounting stories of what has happened so far. It's a lot of noise, and someone shouts in your ear at one point or another, but it takes only a short amount of time to reach the school.

It looks like the kind of Catholic school you'd see in the movies: almost like a church, made out of dark stone, a cross embedded in the large front door. A fence - this one modern and made from iron - surrounds the playground, which has been deserted for a short while.

A woman stands at the foot of the stairs leading to the school. She's maybe in her forties, dressed in a knee-length skirt and a pretty blouse, but the look on her face is enough to make you even more uneasy than you already were. Horror.

"Lockwood and Co!" she says brightly, but her voice trembles. "Thank you so much for coming."

Lockwood flashes her that ridiculous grin of his and, sure enough, she relaxes a little. "It's our pleasure, Mrs Garrett."

She tries for a grateful smile, but it looks more like a twitch. "The school has been closed for the past week since the last incident of ghost touch. No one has been inside lest the ghosts kill us all."

"That won't be happening, I assure you," Lockwood says. It's infuriating how confident he is. "We'll be rid of these ghosts in no time. For now, I suggest you all start making your way back home; curfew will be soon, and we work best when we're not worrying about your safety, too."

"Thank you, Mr Lockwood," Mrs Garrett says. She can't get off the steps quickly enough.

Soon enough, the playground is emptied of locals until it's just the four of you. The sun is making its slow descent in the sky. Even though it's still bright, ghost lamps begin flickering on. Four are posted at each corner of the playground and, distantly, you can see some on the street of houses, barely working.

Lockwood claps his hands together, startling you. "Right! Shall we get started?"

You want to say absolutely not, but you follow him up the steps regardless.

The inside of the school is chilly, but you don't think it's because of ghosts yet. The entrance hall is small, with pegs on the two side walls with little nametags above each for jackets. Silver crosses hang at random intervals, between boards full of poems and drawings that are too hard to see in the growing darkness.

"Sixteen degrees," George says. "Steady temperature, no malaise or miasma. Who has the gum this time?"

"Me," you say, and your voice echoes slightly.

The classroom itself is moderately sized, packed with tables and chairs, but it's the only one, judging from the only other rooms around being a staff room, a small canteen area, and toilets. Small town, small school.

Lucy calls from one corner of the room, "Fourteen degrees."

"Sixteen," Lockwood says from over near the entrance to the classroom.

"Sixteen," George says parallel.

"Ten," you shout in the final corner, close to the staff room door and the teacher's desk. "Little bit of miasma."

You chew on a piece of gum to keep the bitter taste out of your mouth and wish, despite the summer heat, that you'd brought a coat with you.

"Death glows near where you're standing, (name)," Lockwood says. "At least eight."

An iron circle is set up close to your corner after pushing tables and chairs out of the way, and George places a dim lantern inside it, along with the duffle bags. For extra precaution, another layer of iron chains surrounds the circle.

"Hear anything, you two?" Lockwood asks, glancing between you and Lucy.

"Nothing yet," Lucy says, and you shake your head in agreement.

The silence makes you uneasy as you slowly patrol the area, flashing your torchlight over everything, trying to find out what the source could be.

For a while, the four of you sit in the iron circle, drinking your melted milkshakes and tea, munching away on the snacks you made sure to pack. The room grows darker and darker until there's only a small circle of light from the lantern, kept low to encourage the appearance of the Visitors.

Suddenly, Lucy's head snaps to the left. "Do you hear that?"

You stop eating, focusing on using your Talents and, sure enough, a faint sound creeps into your ears.

"- Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven -"

"Prayers," you murmur. "It's the nuns. They're here."

"Apparition appearing," Lockwood says.

A faint glow appears on the other side of the room. You all stand, turning to look at it. A nun, only a few years older than you, hovers between the desks, careful not to touch them, praying softly as she cries. She pays no attention to the four of you, focused solely on her prayer.

George points. "Another one."

Over to the left of the first, another nun appears, looped in the same situation as her sister, praying and crying. Slowly, the voices become louder, and their crying becomes clearer as more and more appear all across the room.

"Six of them," Lucy says. "But, where are the -"

A scream only Lucy and you can hear deafens you, and you stumble backwards. Your foot catches on one of the chains, and you trip over it, falling out of the circle. Before Lockwood is able to grab you and hoist you back inside, the sounds increase by tenfold, even more horrific than before. You can hear their sobs, their screams of agony, their desperate prayers to be saved that go unheard and then, finally, one more death loop.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others," an ominous, scratchy voice says, soon joined by a second.

You latch onto Lockwood when you regain your footing, unable to let go as you stare at the two apparitions slowly approaching the iron circle.

Two more nuns, their robes rustling in a non-existent breeze. One wears a cross around her neck. Her face would've been beautiful, once, but it's hard to tell with the blood covering it. With a start, you realise that one of her eyes is missing, and a number of scars cover her face. The other nun is free of blood, but her neck is bent at an awkward angle, and her head lolls slightly as if her neck has been broken. Her eyes are unseeing, but you can still feel her gaze.

"Wraiths," you say. "You said you fought of fourteen once, right?"

"Well, sort of," Lockwood says. "Lucy was right. Fittes may have come along and held them off."

"It shouldn't be too bad," George says, but he doesn't sound too confident. "Only two of them. The rest are Type Ones."

Lucy swears. "Type Ones who have the room surrounded."

It's a struggle to quench your fear, but you manage, slowly letting go of Lockwood's arm. "Plan? And don't say improvise."

He smiles. "You know me too well, (name)."

"Plan?" Lucy repeats, a little more urgently. The Wraiths have come even closer, a mere foot or two away from the iron circle.

"George and (name), you find the source. Lucy, you think you can communicate with these things?"

She scowls. "I'll try."

"It was nice knowing you guys," George grumbles.

You look at Lockwood, clutching his hand without even meaning to. "Don't be reckless."

He grins, squeezing your hand softly, and it gives you confidence. "When am I ever reckless?"

Before you can say always, he leaps out of the circle, drawing the attention of the Wraiths. Lucy follows shortly after, and they make their way over to the other side of the room, shouting and throwing salt bombs to keep them distracted.

"See if you can hear anything," George says. "We might have a better chance if you can get any clues from that."

Eyeing the Type Ones nearby, you drown out the sounds around you. The screaming arises again, but you force your way through it, searching for anything else. You're vaguely aware of the sound of fighting a little bit away, and the quiet crying and prayers still continue. And, then, there it is. Someone speaking, her voice filled with confidence and vigour.

"Sounds like... like a Bible verse. Lamentations - that's a verse, right?"

The sound of George's feet scuffling brings you back to reality, and you see that he has darted over to the teacher's desk. He flings papers off the table's surface, throws drawers open and scavenges through them.

Meanwhile, you draw your rapier. The Type Ones are drawing ever nearer, curious. Over at the other side of the room, Lockwood and Lucy are holding off the Wraiths, but it seems to be proving hard - the Type Twos' attention is wavering, flickering over to George.

"You might want to hurry up," you say over your shoulder. "You're starting to draw a lot of attention."

"I'm trying!"

With a grumble, you rush around the desk, crouching down to help the search.

Not even a minute before Lockwood yells, "(name)! George!"

All of a sudden, the table flies backwards, slamming you both into the wall. You can't help but cry out in pain, stuck underneath the weight of the wood. What business does a teacher have needing such a heavy desk?

But, then, there it is.

"The net!" you shout, more winded than you realised. "We need the net! Throw it!"

George's eyes catch where you're looking, and he starts trying to push the desk off you both. With it on top of your legs, it means you can't get into the last drawer - the one holding an aged copy of the Bible.

The sound of metal links hitting the wall sounds above you and, as dual screeches of rage fill the room, you grasp the net tightly, using all your strength to push the desk up, and shove the net into the drawer.

All sounds fade away, and the room becomes dark once more.

Shoes squeak on the floor, and then Lockwood's and Lucy's faces appear, dusted in salt. Together, the four of you manage to stand the desk back up.

With help from Lockwood, you stand on shaky legs, breathing hard. George is not better.

"What took so long?" Lucy asks, but there's no anger in her voice, just relief.

"You know when you're looking for something and it shows up in the last place you check?" you say. "That."

Lockwood still hasn't let go of you, and the warmth of his hands is a welcome feeling. "Well, they're gone now. Are you both alright?"

"Sore," George grumbles. "Stupid ghosts."

Unsure of whether it was George's words or the relief of being alive, you all laugh, the sound reverberating off the walls. You find yourself leaning into Lockwood's side, either for his warmth or the comfort of a living body, but you don't mind. Actually, you quite like it.

--

"So, have you made your decision?"

You open your eyes, trying to make it look like you weren't just falling asleep on Lockwood's sofa. The fire is just so warm, and the tea you drank in seconds was awfully calming.

"I have."

"And?"

Looking at him, you have to suppress your smile. Something about his smile, the subdued excitement of it, and this unpolished look of his - his tied loosened, the top few buttons of his shirt undone, and his hair slightly ruffled - has your stomach doing flips.

"I'll join Lockwood and Co."

The grin that splits his face lights up something inside of you. In the year or so you knew him before 'The Incident', as you call it, and then the past month spent working with him, you've never seen such pure elation on his face.

"Really?" he says.

You nod. "Really. Figure I might as well. Business is slow otherwise and, I have to admit, cases with you lot are quite fun, even if I'm getting accosted by tables or thrown out of windows."

As you sit up, he moves so that he's sitting beside you. You can feel the warmth and happiness radiating off of him, and it makes you happy, seeing him that way. His hand closes around yours, calloused and strong, but his grip is gentle. It sends sparks coursing up your veins. No one but him has ever touched you so carefully, so intimately.

"You won't regret this," he promises. He's awfully close.

You grin. "I better not. I don't really fancy becoming a freelancer again. Terrible pay."

He laughs, and your heart skips a beat, strangely enough. "I'll make sure you're awarded the correct pay for someone of your high status."

Now you're laughing, too.

Slowly, you turn your hand in his until your palms are facing, and you feed your fingers between his. The touch is enough to have your heart hammering in your chest. His eyes, so dark as they look into yours, sparkle, and it's something you don't think you'll ever tire of seeing.

Well, in all reality, you don't think you'll ever tire of seeing him.

[willows-adventures-in-words]

First off, I'd like to formally apologize for what happens in this prompt. I added a Read More bonus to try to make up for it because I felt bad and couldn't just leave it as was. (readers on AO3 aren't lucky enough to get the bonus scene.) I used this prompt as an excuse to write something I've been wanting to try for a while. Unfortunately, Geoff and Layne got caught in the cross-fire of my creative needs.

Whumptober prompts Alt. no.5: Friendly Fire word count: 867 content warning: gun usage and character death(s)

(not gonna lie I'm a little nervous to post this last prompt...)

~-~-~

“Why would you shoot it!?” Geoff demanded as he ran alongside his friend.

“I thought it would kill it!” Layne exclaimed. He risked a glance back. The black furred creature, that looked like some kind of demonic dire wolf, which he'd shot multiple times, was still chasing them. ��Uh, it's catching up.”

Geoff threw a glance back and cursed under his breath. “Over there!” He pointed out a building. An old gas station. The back door was open. It was probably their only option.

Layne pushed his legs harder. He made it inside just seconds before Geoff, who threw the door closed as he made it in. As Geoff quickly looked around for something to barricade the door with, Layne searched his backpack, desperate to find more bullets for the handgun. There was a noise behind them and they spun around to see another open door with three zombies making their way over. Layne took the couple steps it took to get to the door and threw it closed. At this point it was far too late to be concerned about noise.

The creature slammed against the door causing it shake on its hinges. Geoff spun around. The zombies started banging on the other door. He looked around, searching for another exit. There was none. They were trapped. He shifted his grip on his bat. They might have a chance if they faced off against the zombies. But if he was the only one armed…

One bullet. That was it. A lot of good that would do them. He tossed the backpack aside. Layne looked over as the creature hit against the door again. It wasn't a matter of if but when it was going to break it down. And from the sound of it, it wasn't going to take long. He glanced back to the other door. There were at least three zombies there. Another bang against the door. They wouldn't have time to get past them. It was going to get in. If not the next hit then definitely one of the next two. Layne looked at Geoff, and swallowed. He couldn't let him die like this. Not by that thing. Not by that thing…

“Geoff, I'm sorry.” Geoff looked over, about to ask what, exactly, he was apologizing for, but froze. Layne, with a look of distress, had the gun pointed at his head. The creature banged against the door. They could hear the hinges and frame bend. “I'm sorry,” Layne repeated, his voice thick with guilt.

“Lay-”

Layne flinched away as he pulled the trigger. Geoff dropped the bat as he crumpled to floor. He was shaking. Heart pounding. His arm fell to his side and the gun dropped to the floor. A pool of blood was already starting to form. Look away, he tried to tell himself, but he couldn't. Fear and regret built up. What if he was wrong? What if he just-

Bang! Layne jumped and looked to the door. It was denting in. One more hit and it will probably be in. He could hear it growling loudly on the other side. Turning he looked back down towards Geoff, only to find his body gone. Just the pool of blood remained. Layne let out a shaky breath of relief. But it was quickly overcome by panic as the creature burst through the door. He grabbed the bat as he tried to get out of the way of the incoming beast but slipped on the blood. Searing white pain erupted as the beast slashed its claws across his back and he staggered. Every movement hurt as he went to turn. He wanted to get one good hit with the bat. Just one. But he didn't manage to fully turn around before he was thrown to the floor, the bat slipping from his fingers and a strained gasp falling from his lips as he landed on his back. His senses were overwhelmed by the pain. Layne blinked a few times, trying to focus through the pain. He was able to for just a second before the creature jumped on him and he screamed as it tore into him.

Again.

Geoff woke with a gasp. He was alive. How? He'd looked down the barrel of a gun. Layne shot him. Why would he-? Geoff shouldn't be alive. He couldn't have survived a point black shot to the head. Realizations started to settle. But if Layne killed him how was he here. Alive. He blinked up at the evening sky between the tree branches. Wait… Slowly, he sat up. He's laying under a tree. But… he was just at a gas station. With Layne. How was he suddenly here? And where was here? What the hell was happening?

With a bit of a headache, Geoff looked around. He spotted a backpack sitting against the tree. He frowned as he noticed something. There was a patch on the top half of the backpack that had his name on it. That's weird. Layne had one exactly like it, just with his name on it instead. Geoff stared at the bag, trying to work out what was going on…

[sekhithefops]

Anyone who tells a queer person "Just Move to a Better State" doesn't get it.

So, as some of you know I've got an account on Bluesky, one of the social media websites that arose from the ashes after Elon Musk completely fucked up Twitter beyond how fucked it was even on it's worst day.

Recently I shared this article, hoping to spread some good news to my fellow members of the LGBTQA+ community:

And some smarmy jackass replied with this:

Yeah... anyone who says this is an asshole who doesn't get the realities of these situations.

I grew up in Kentucky. Yes, the state where Mitch "the Lich" McConnell was spawned (we're trying to get rid of him but that asshole hid his phylactery really good okay?) As some of you might guess, my own home state has issues with people who try to push these sorts of laws.

I've been told by others, in the past, to just move to a better state.

I tried it once infact, I moved from the Cincinnati Metropolitan Area (I lived right on the border between Ohio and Kentucky at the time) to another city where I was going to live with a gay couple I met online who were friends with my, at the time, partner.

... you probably see where this is going already, but I'll continue.

The city definitely had a good LGBTQA+ presence, but here's the thing. I stayed there only six months before all but fleeing back to Kentucky.

Why?

Several reasons.

NOBODY wanted to hire "the new kid in town." I had a horrible time finding a job that would satisfy my roommate. They knew I had only worked retail in the past and, at the time, had no college under my belt at all. I tried getting jobs in multiple places. I tried getting hired on as a 911 operator, at several higher end stores, and such. You know where I wound up working? A shitty little Circle K station. It was the ONLY place that would hire me and paid a pittance. I could barely help with bills at all.

My roommate was a judgemental asshole. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, "Just because someone is part of a minority doesn't mean they can't also be a small minded prick." One of my roommates judged me for EVERYTHING. Nothing I did was good enough, and if he found out something he didn't like he would hang it over my head and never stop giving me shit for it. I hated it. I hated it within weeks of arriving but I didn't want to leave because that would be 'admitting defeat' or some bullshit (it was ten years ago, I forget exactly how I justified it.)

I had to give up all the friends and family I had in the move. The part of the country I moved to was a place that I had never been before. I had no friends there, I had no family there. All I had to rely on was my two roommates. One of them clearly didn't want an extra roommate but went along with it because his boyfriend wanted it (I feel bad for him these days,) the other one... see item 2. This also leads into item four...

Because I had no friends and family there, I had no safety net. Asshole roommate constantly reminded me if I didn't get a 'better job' (and good luck to me on that given the circumstances) I'd be out on my ass, in a totally unfamiliar city. I had no help there besides them and he knew it, and he held that over me every chance he got.

Finally, after six months, I managed to move back in with my mother in Kentucky. This story does have a happy ending though. I wound up splitting up with my at the time partner (who in hindsight really wasn't a good match for me, though I hear they're doing much better these days,) and it was the wake up call I needed to get some college education. That didn't go great, but having even partial college on a resume helped me get a job that was far FAR better than retail work which I've held for over five years now.

I realized too that while Kentucky isn't great on progressiveness as a whole... the part of the state I'm from actually is. We're part of the Cincinnati Metropolitan Area (which basically means "if it wasn't for state lines we'd just be part of Cincinnati") and there's actually a really big LGBTQA+ community around here. These days I see Pride bumper stickers everywhere, and there's several houses nearby with Pride flags as well.

In Kentucky. Yes, that Kentucky.

But my point is... even assuming a person CAN move, it doesn't mean that it'll fix everything. In my case those six months were absolutely hellish despite living with a queer couple in a major city. My life only improved AFTER I moved back to Deep-in-the-Red-State Kentucky. Because the part I'm in has a good community, I have friends and family who support me, I have a good job here, and I have a good life here in spite of what some idiot in the state capitol is up to.

In closing, I have this to say: If you hear someone talking about queer issues in their home state and your first instinct is to tell them to just move to California or New York or some other state... just shut the hell up.

[pettyprocrastination]

Abby x reader head canons?

I will say may not be the best representation for her character because I've only watched (many) play troughs and not played the game yet cause I no longer have my play station :( but I am absolutely horrendously down bad for her ngl so here we go (also abby is closeted wlw in this sorry guys)

warnings: repressed sapphic feelings, gets a little sexual at the ending but nothing major, jealousy, mostly just fluff here cause im easing myself into her character

I feel like she's not particularly into pda? not anything egregious but she'll have an arm around you is enough, maybe a hand in the back pocket to give you a lil bum squeeze but even that's pushing it. She doesn't want to be obnoxious like *those* couples (she does actually) but she wants people to know your hers.

connecting to this I feel like she gets jealous pretty easily. Not from a place of seeing you as property but from her own insecurities and worrying that you'll find somebody "better" which means sometimes she'll give a snide little comment when you've been hanging out with somebody else that makes you pull back and go "excuse me?" often leading to her either talking herself into a corner or going silent and passive aggressive until your able to pull the truth out of her, often times after the anger has fizzled out hours later and she slips into your room with a soft mumbled apology when you tell you that you love her and only her but that doesn't mean she gets to be an asshole to you for it. (she makes it up to you though. all night long in fact)

braid her hair. please braid her hair. It's a small sign of love that makes her go absolutely crazy. The feeling of your nails gently scritching her scalp has her stretching out like a cat in a sunbeam on a lazy sunday afternoon. She'll set her head in your lap while you undo the braid and run your fingers through her soft locks until she slowly drifts off to sleep because she just feels so at peace with you that she's comfortable letting her guard down and falling asleep

even if you have very short hair, you probably end up wearing one of her hair ties on your wrists because she tends to lose them + its a little part of her to keep by your side :') (i will say its interesting that in the show, it seems like ellie keeps her hair tied back with a hairtie that seems to have been cut, so she has to wrap it around and then tie a knot which makes sense because i'd gather that elastic isn't that easy to come across post apocalypse yknow. I think it'd be cute if you like. found a scrunchie or smthn for her that even though its not her style she's still wear it cause its a gift from you :'))

that being said? i imagine after everything she's been through she's a pretty light/paranoid sleeper so if you slip from the bed for any reason be ready to see her padding after you, squinted eyes and grumbling with sleep still in her voice as she mumbles 'where you goin'?' because babygirl woke up without you by her side and it caused her to panic :(

confident in her body. She's worked hard on her physique and she knows you enjoy it, so don't be surprised to see her not-so-subtlety flex if she catches you eyeing her up. You'll roll your eyes at her peacocking but it doesn't stop that lovesick smile from growing on your face that makes her feel all giddy. Bunch of goofballs in love right here <3

idk why but she gives me a bit closeted energy growing up. I feel like she probably got plenty of shit for being a tomboy and she gives me the energy of those girls who are like "women can be masculine and straight you know >:(" but so incredibly gay lmao (knew countless gals like this god bless them all) but yeah she'll huff and puff because just because she's not girly doesn't mean she's gay but also likes it when you sleep in her bed and you guys tell stories and fall asleep in eachothers arms, sometimes she'll stay awake so she can watch how peaceful you are and maybe maybe think about kissing you and how soft your body would feel in her hands and the little noises you'd make and that makes her feel something owen never did. but yknow. she's still super straight

[springfallendeer]

Lethal Culinary Note: The Nutcracker

@ectoplasm999 here we are.

Ayala's Culinary Notes:

The Nutcracker is one of those rarely encountered but heavily feared entities that will often dissuade a crew from visiting locations where they've been seen. It does not matter if you're experienced with their encounters or not. Just the idea of bumping into one can make the most hardened worker second guess going on a scrap run.

These would-be anomalies are actually artificially designed security guards. They tirelessly roam the grounds where they have been stationed, and will mercilessly gun down anyone determined to be an unauthorized guest... And that's if it doesn't decide to put its gun down and kick you into the next life.

My crew and I only recently learned that the Nutcrackers - as least the ones on Rend, where they tend to be the most common - actually have a special signal that apparently marks you as an "authorized" guest. Surprising as that was to learn in the heat of the moment... Well, I suppose it makes sense. You wouldn't want your security monsters to up and kill workers or other people who had permission to be there.

Anyways. If you happen to be on Rend and you spot at Nutcracker. Maintain a safe distance and wait for it to go into its usual scanning mode. Once it is looking at you, click your heels together and salute it like you would a member of the military. This seems to be how they figure out that you have permission to be there.

If you get insanely lucky like I did, the Nutcracker in question might even decide to give you a personal tour of the facility! Which was terrifying for me in the moment. But hey, we walked out of there with a LOT of scrap - and my guide even gave me their gun, for some reason.

Maybe it thought that I was of a worthy rank? I'm really not sure... But you're not here for aimless pondering! You're here to know if I've tried to eat the Nutcracker!

The answer is yes. Multiple times, in fact. I've personally had to put down a few when the aforementioned "salute them like a military officer" did not work (which has happened anywhere that is not Rend). A couple of these times I just happened to be left behind while my crew made a mad dash for safety (something that they've been doing more frequently now that they've determined that I'm capable of surviving on my own... Much to my dismay. Its never pleasant being left behind. And I certainly don't enjoy the life or death struggle to survive that the situation puts me into).

Anyways! In terms of edibility, I'd say that the Nutcracker is perfectly edible! I don't think that I'd of been willing to crack open its shell to dig into those meaty innards otherwise.

After multiple Culinary encounters, I can actually detail the (current) easiest means of harvesting a downed Nutcracker for meat.

You'll firstly need to kill the Nutcracker in question. Which is actually easier for me now that I've figured out how its body works.

The eye itself is not the weak spot (as was formerly thought), but it just happens to be placed in the same general vicinity of what you actually need to destroy.

When the head is open and the eye is exposed, you will see that the eye is suspended by a total of 6 large arteries. Three above, and three below.

Well. You technically only need to sever one of these six arteries to kill a Nutcracker. Because the one in question (the one in the middle, which is actually connected through the eye) effectively acts as the spinal cord. If you can time a good jab with a shovel while the Nutcracker is facing away from you, you can sever that vital "artery" and basically disconnect the brain from the rest of the body.

While this does not outright kill the Nutcracker, it is effectively a death sentence since you cut off the brain's ability to send signals to the rest of the body. It is a far more effective method of killing them, and it allows you to keep their eye intact; which I highly recommend, because it makes for good food!

Once the Nutcracker is downed, you'll need to drag its heavy body to your makeshift shelter for processing. Because, unfortunately, it takes a lot of work to get these bad boys open.

Once you're in a (hopefully) safe spot, the first thing you'll want to do is cut out the eye (if you haven't destroyed it) and set that aside for safe keeping.

After that, you're going to need your shovel. And you'll need to treat the Nutcracker like a giant crab. Put the edge of the shovel into every joint that you can find, and jam it in there. You might need to put your foot into it to get the shovel where you need to be, but if you can separate the joints, you can get the outer body of the Nutcracker off of the internal creature.

You may find it easier to completely remove the hands and feet of the creature beforehand, but there is meat inside of these parts. So don't remove and discard them unless you're willing to give up on some of the sweeter pieces of meat.

You can otherwise remove the individual fingers/toes and then separate the wrists and ankles to harvest the meat easily. It just takes some practice. But if you can stick it through, then each disconnected joint will make room for you to just slide the next part of the "shell" off of the meat. And there is rather a lot of meat inside of these things, surprisingly enough.

I've gotten 25 something pounds out of them, at most. The majority of it is actually found in the limbs. The torso is virtually hollow, and contains only a few organs. You can crack open the torso by jamming your shovel into two cracks found on either side of the mouth. This is the hardest part. And since the torso has the least amount of meat in comparison to effort, you can easily skip this step.

But if you decide to go through with it, you will find that the Nutcracker has has lungs, a heart, and a couple of other organs that I cannot yet identify. None of the organs are edible, outside of the eye. The thick arteries and veins are not edible either (take it from someone who has taken the risk and eaten them only to suffer the consequences).

Once you've harvested the meat, you have one more step before you can begin to cook it. And that step is to remove the arteries and veins that run throughout the meat.

This is a surprisingly easy process, because for some reason the meat is actually softer and more delicate than the veins. So if you can find the artery, all that you will need to do is pull. With a little effort, it will slide right out of the meat; leaving you with a sizeable amount of food.

The meat itself is surprisingly pleasant. A little stringy, like imitation crab meat, but with a slightly sweet and savory taste. It will be sweetest when raw, and more savory when cooked.

While the meat CAN be eaten raw, if fresh, the harvesting process tends to take so long that I cannot recommend eating the meat unless you are doing so within minutes of prying it out of the shell. Because I have found that the meat becomes unsafe to eat (when raw) in as little as 15 minutes after being pulled out.

This probably has something to do with the fact that the meat has never been exposed to the outside air until it is removed. The Nutcracker is just not designed to be able to endure exposure to outside pathogens.

The meat remains perfectly safe to cook for up to 4 hours after being pried out of the shell. Keep an eye on it. If the dark red flesh starts to turn grey and green, then unfortunately it has spoiled and I cannot recommend trying to eat it. So it is important to cook the meat as quickly as possible once it is pulled from the shell.

The meat of the Nutcracker is very versatile and worth the struggle that it takes to harvest and prepare it. I've found that it is one of the most appetizing things that can be eaten as is, because the meat is tender enough and flavorful enough that you do not need to season it for it to be tasty.

You can find some of my favorite recipes on how to prepare Nutcracker below.

NUTCRACKER RECIPES:

Stewed Nutcracker Eye: Ingredients: Nutcracker eye, 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat, water, salt (optional), any other seasoning or vegetable (optional)

Fill your cooking utensil to the halfway point with cold water and place the whole eye of the Nutcracker in the center. Chop your 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat into small cubes and add to the water. Sprinkle with salt if you have it. Add in any additional seasonings or ingredients now, if you have them, making sure that everything is in small pieces.

Place container over a low flame, and bring to a steady simmer. Keep the cooking liquid moving, to assure that the ingredients can cook evenly (this also prevents the liquid from boiling over).

Cook for 20 minutes, rotating the eye every 5 to assure that it cooks through. You will know that it is completely done when the eyelid has pulled back tight to completely expose the eyeball.

Pop the eye, and allow the contents to drain into the broth while continuing to mix.

One the eye has completely drained, pull from heat and allow to cool for at least 30 minutes to allow the stew to thicken. Then enjoy!

Stew will have a rich, umami flavor. The shriveled eyelid is perfectly edible and will be a bit chewy.

— — — — — — — — — — — —

Grilled Nutcracker Eye: Ingredients: Nutcracker eye, salt (optional), pepper (optional)

Peel back and skewer the eyelids of the Nutcracker eye. Be careful not to puncture the eye itself, or it will leak and fail to cook properly. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, if you have it.

Arrange the skewered eye over an open flame and cook for 20 minutes. Rotate the eye every 3 to 5 minutes to prevent it from burning. The eye will visibly wrinkle and darken in color as it cooks.

Once cooked through, remove the eye from heat and allow it to cook for at least 10 minutes (ideally 20). It will then be ready to eat as is, like a big, soft apple (disgusting comparison, I know... But it taste good).

The eye itself will have a texture akin to the yolk of a medium-well egg. I find that it tastes like something of a cross between steak and bacon when cooked over an open flame like this!

— — — — — — — — — — — —

Milk braised Nutcracker Eye: Ingredients: Nutcracker eye, 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat, 1/2 cup milk (do not question how I obtained this), salt (optional), any other seasoning or vegetable (optional)

Cube and place your 1/2 pound Nutcracker meat, the eye, and any other seasonings or solid ingredients in a shallow container and place over a low flame. Grill for 12 minutes, flipping the pieces every 3 minutes to prevent burning while you develop a savory crust on everything.

Once your cooking dish is thoroughly seasoned with grilled meaty parts and all your meat has a crust, add in your milk and pop the eye.

Cook for 20 minutes, mixing everything regularly to prevent the milk from burning while the sauce thickens and the eye drains.

Remove from heat and allow to sit for at least 10 more minutes to assure that the sauce gets nice and thick. Then dig in.

This will be a rich, creamy stew that is absolutely packed with flavor, even if you only had the base 3 ingredients. Its perfect to warm you up on those colder nights.

— — — — — — — — — — — —

Grilled Nutcracker: Ingredients: 1/2 pound Nutcracker meat, salt (optional), vegetables (optional)

Cut all of your ingredients into bite size pieces and skewer.

Arrange over an open, low flame and rotate constantly to allow an even crust to form on the meat as it cooks through, 7-10 minutes.

Remove from heat and allow to cool for 5 minutes, then enjoy.

Meal give off a very pleasant aroma and will be crisp on the outside but juicy on the inside. There will be a faint sweetness to it, but the meat itself will be nice and savory.

— — — — — — — — — — — —

Boiled Nutcracker (or Nutcracker Soup): Ingredients: 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat, water, salt (optional), any other seasoning or vegetable (optional)

Fill your cooking utensil to the halfway point with cold water and place over a low flame. Chop your 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat into small cubes and add to the water. Sprinkle with salt if you have it. Add in any additional seasonings or ingredients now, if you have them, making sure that everything is in small pieces.

Bring contents to a light boil Keep the cooking liquid moving, to assure that the ingredients can cook evenly (this also prevents the liquid from boiling over).

Cook for 15 minutes, or until the cooking broth takes on a brownish color and you can see fat floating on the surface of the water. Then remove from heat and allow to cool (do not try to drink boiling broth).

Cooked ingredients can be removed from the broth and eaten as is, or given a quick stay in a hot pan to develop a crust and extra flavor, and the broth can be saved as a pick-me-up for later. Or everything can remain in the broth as a sort of soup.

Expect a pleasant meaty flavor from the broth. Like slightly watered down beef stock.

— — — — — — — — — — — —

Milk braised Nutcracker: Ingredients: 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat, 1/2 cup milk (do not question how I obtained this), salt (optional), any other seasoning or vegetable (optional)

Cube and place your 1/2 pound Nutcracker meat and any other seasonings or solid ingredients in a shallow container and place over a low flame. Grill for 10 minutes, flipping the pieces every 3 minutes to prevent burning while you develop a savory crust on everything.

Once your cooking dish is thoroughly seasoned with grilled meaty parts and all your meat has a crust, add in your milk and bring it to a simmer.

Cook for 20 minutes, mixing everything regularly to prevent the milk from burning while the sauce thickens and darkens.

Remove from heat and allow to sit for at least 10 more minutes to assure that the sauce gets nice and thick. Then dig in.

This will be a rich, creamy stew that is absolutely packed with flavor, despite only having 2 major components.

[youngpettyqueen]

42 “clumsy kiss” with WHATEVER ship strikes your fancy

omg letting me pick the pairing?? Ally youre too kind to me <333

a clumsy kiss, love a clumsy kiss... ive got Jadzia on the brain after reading Revenant, so here's a cute lil scene with her and Worf! I know you havent seen DS9 but I hope you enjoy anyways <3

Jadzia wants two things.

First, she wants another bloodwine. They've been going down so nicely tonight, and she lost count a while back of how many she's had, exactly, but she wants another one.

Second, she wants her husband.

She goes to find Worf first, because she'll need Worf in order to get the bloodwine. Quark, being entirely unfair, had cut her off, so she needs Worf to go get it for her.

She wants him for more than just getting her another drink, of course. It's been a couple hours since she last saw him, and she misses him. Which is entirely ridiculous, it's only been a couple hours, but this is a party- a Klingon party- and she'd like to be spending it with her husband.

Unfortunately, he's a bit difficult to find in this crowd.

QI'lop is one of her favourite Klingon holidays. It's always a good party, with plenty of good food, and lots and lots of good drink. Dax has had an iron gut for liquor through most of its lives, and Jadzia is no exception. She was right there alongside General Martok when he went to convince Sisko to allow a celebration to take place on the station, and she suspects her asking for it was what tipped Sisko's opinion in their favour.

The general invited a whole lot of people, who in turn invited others, and now the entire Promenade is swarming with Klingons. She's sure Odo and Starfleet Security are just having a blast trying to keep eyes everywhere. She'll make it up to them another time. For now, she's a bit busy swaying and stumbling through the Klingon crowd, which is great for a party, but not so good for trying to find her husband.

When she does find him, it's because she walks into him. Literally. She's looking around, high and low, anywhere but right in front of her, and she walks right smack into him.

Jadzia yelps, nearly falling back on her ass. Quick as a whip, Worf catches her by the waist, steadying her. She finds herself looking up into his eyes, and maybe it's that her blood is 60% alcohol at this point, but she could swear she falls in love with him all over again.

"Hi, handsome." She greets, grinning broadly.

"Jadzia," Worf acknowledges, a whole lot more composed than she is. He eases her up to her feet, though his hands don't leave her waist, "You are drunk." He observes.

Jadzia gasps in mock indignation, her hand flying to her chest. "Me? No," Worf just raises a brow at her, and she goes right back to grinning, "Ok, maybe a little. Just a little. And I'd like to be a little more drunk, so I need you," She puts a hand on his arm, "To go get me a bloodwine."

Worf doesn't move. "Is there a reason you can't get your own?" He asks, and he looks like he already knows the answer.

Damn him and his very thorough, and also kind of sexy observational skills. "Cause Quark is being mean and he won't let me have anymore." She tells him, oh-so-sad about it.

"I find it difficult to believe that the Ferengi would turn down a profit without sufficient reason," Worf continues, and Jadzia curses internally, "Did he cut you off?" He asks plainly.

Jadzia can still win here. She nods, and puts on her best pout as she does. "Can you believe his audacity?" She asks in turn, "Telling me when I've had enough? You have to talk to him, Worf. You can't let him get away with this, with... with cutting your wife off from bloodwine," She leans against him, looking up at him with her best puppy dog eyes, "My honour would never recover." She laments.

Worf looks thoroughly unmoved by her performance. "For once, the Ferengi and I are in agreement," He says, and Jadzia's mouth falls open, "I believe you have had enough, and that it is time for us to retire." He doesn't give her any warning for what he does next. He moves with, frankly, unfair speed, and suddenly Jadzia finds herself being swept off her feet and into his arms.

She yelps, throwing her arms around his neck in surprise. "Worf!" She squeaks, too drunk to be dignified. She clings tight to him as he starts to walk, and he cradles her against him like she weighs nothing at all.

"In your state, this is more efficient." Worf tells her, stepping over a Klingon who seems to be passed out drunk on the floor.

"But it's QI'lop," Jadzia pouts, "I love QI'lop."

"You will thank me in the morning." Worf replies, unsympathetically.

Jadzia harrumphs, but she doesn't put up a fight. There's a part of her, a teeny tiny, absolutely minuscule part of her that isn't drunk beyond reason, and that teeny tiny, absolutely minuscule part of her knows that he's right. She's very drunk, and Quark was probably right to cut her off, because she has the morning shift, and if she has anything more she's going to be both hungover and useless. She's been drunk enough times to know that if she stops now, she's only going to be hungover.

The thought makes her sulk. That's going to suck. Julian's going to have a field day with her.

Well, maybe not. He did vanish early from the party with Martok and Sirella, so he might be suffering from his own agonies tomorrow. She can only hope.

The rumble of Worf's baritone draws Jadzia out of that mental image, and she realizes that they're away from the party and on the turbolift. He must've asked for their level of the Habitat Ring. She didn't even realize they'd left the Promenade.

Now that the music isn't pounding and rattling her bones, she realizes that she can't actually feel her body all that much. She can feel Dax, protesting being taken out of the fun with Curzon's voice, but she can't feel her limbs. And, now that she's really thinking about it, her head feels like it's full of cotton. She can't think very clearly. Have the lights in this turbolift always been this bright? She squints, barely resisting the urge to curl up and hide her face in Worf's neck.

Ok. Maybe she did overdo it a bit.

The lift stops, and Worf steps out into the corridor, which is mercifully darker. Jadzia isn't the biggest fan of Cardassian architecture, but right now, she appreciates their lighting schemes. She relaxes as Worf carries her down the hall, all the way to their door, where he sets her down with the utmost care so that he can punch in the code to let them in.

Jadzia leans heavily against him, letting him lead her inside. His arm is strong and secure around her, keeping her held against his side. He's like a walking, talking pillar. She feels all warm and fuzzy, held against him like this, and it has nothing to do with the alcohol burning a hole in her gut.

She turns to him and stops him. Rests a hand on his chest, looks up at him to meet his eyes. He looks at her with a bit of curiosity, a bit of exasperation, and a whole lot of love. She smiles at that, her heart doing a little dance.

She really does love him.

"You're wonderful." Jadzia tells him.

Worf cocks a brow at her. "Is this your way of thanking me?" He asks.

"I'm too drunk to thank you how I want to thank you," She replies, and she chuckles when that comment makes his cheeks darken. He's still such a prude sometimes, it's very endearing, "But yes. Thank you. Thank you, for carrying me all the way home, and keeping me from making a bigger mess of myself," She raises her hands to his cheeks, holds his face, her world, in her palms, "I love you." She murmurs, achingly sincere.

Worf's expression softens. He reaches up, catches her wrists, holds her hands in place. "And I, you." He says, with that soft voice he only ever uses with her.

Jadzia beams, and draws him in for a kiss. Except her coordination isn't great, because she's still very drunk, so her kiss ends up at the corner of his mouth. She giggles, she can't help herself, and she tries again, and she sort of gets his top lip with the second attempt.

"Sorry," She snickers, holding him close, her nose against his, "I'm better at this when I'm sober."

Worf smiles at her, equal parts amused and fond. "I don't mind." He replies.

Jadzia kisses him again, and this time, it lands. And then, just to make up for the clumsy misses, she kisses him again. And again. And again, and again, and then he scoops her up into his arms again, and she keeps on kissing him as he carries her to their bed.

[blueboyluca]

Puppy update for anyone interested:

Topaz is now 15 weeks. Things have gotten easier now that she is fully vaccinated and can go more places.

I have still done very little in the way of training. It's very hard to find the energy at the moment. I've still got a lot going on in general and it would be nice to have a break, but I can't take leave until October.

Good things:

Topaz and Marcie have gotten closer and now Marcie is soliciting play rather than just accepting or rejecting it. They attended a trial night together and played and chased on the field, which I've never seen Marceline do out there before, so that was nice.

Topaz has a a great drive for food and pretty good drive for toys. I took her alone to my club last night and she was happy to play around with both food and toys. (Of course, not the toy I bought especially for her, but a big fan of Marceline's tugs.)

She is pretty well sorted in the house now. Has still had a couple accidents toileting. Sleeps on the bed now without issue. I still have the crate next to me in case she won't settle but it has only been needed once since I got back from Alice Springs.

She is so far pretty good about walks, if a bit anxious overall.

Not super great things:

She barks at stuff. The three main scenarios for barking are: spooked at movement from afar; spooked at a new person who appears "out of nowhere"; and frustration. It's not, like, terrible, but I am a little concerned about the spooky barking. I'm trying to distract and redirect when it happens. I'd also like to catch her before she starts barking but it's not always predictable. I have a lot of fear about ending up with another reactive dog so trying not to let my stress affect the situation. She's people and dog social still, just spooky at first with both people and dogs. But it's not even with all dogs and people, just in some situations.

She still hates the harness. Not just the putting it on, but wearing it in general. I have limited harness use to the car and walks only. When I can just use the collar and leash I do. (I still don't feel comfortable walking my dogs on just a collar. They're small and their necks are fragile.)

I feel like she has two personalities at the moment. She has this fun crazy wildchild thing going on at home and in some other environments once she's used to them. Otherwise she's flat and a little bit anxious. People keep telling me she's "so good" during these times, but it's not being chill and calm, it's being anxious and quiet. She doesn't show any major signs I'm concerned about, just this overall smallness compared to what I know she's capable of. I have no idea if this is due to my failure in socialisation, or just her personality.

I intend to get back into my routine with all three dogs now that Topaz isn't restricted to the home. That will include morning and evening walks spread amongst all three. I need to work out how I'm going to do training at home as I still haven't quite figured it out. I want to start teaching stationing and turn taking so it's a solid skill for future agility training as well as for easy training at home. Luca and Marcie aren't superstars at either, so I will need to put some more effort in.

[theflyindutchwoman]

So I've been rewatching a lot of season 5, and there was this scene in 5x19. It was when Lucy was studying in the morning and Tim had just woken up. There was a brief mentioned of how difficult it's going to be for them to maybe see each other daily in the future because of Tim's metro hours and Lucy's detective hours (if Lucy pass the exam). Which got me thinking.

There has been lots of discussion on Lucy's future as a UC and how it may impact Chenford's relationship in the future, and there's already a lot of fanfics going around that explore lots of those possibilities. There are theories that Lucy may not be a UC for long or at least not a long term ops like what Isabell did, which make sense, but her being a detective and having long hours are actually something both Tim and Lucy seem reluctant to have in the first place. One of the reason Tim initially become a court liaison is because had Lucy transfer to another station, it will be difficult to sync up their shift and they may not see each other everyday.

So this got me spiraling, say Tim and Lucy really want to maintain they see each other everyday or at least as often as possible, how would the story goes? Maybe Grey retires and Tim promoted as Watch Commander? or Tim move to other place aside from Metro but where? or Lucy not become a detective, but then how would her career go next?

really interested to hear your thoughts on this. thanks

I'm not really sure how this particular storyline would go… Here's the thing : as much as they want to see each other as often as possible, they also both want a career. Only, considering their line of work, that means long and unpredictable hours. This is something they're going to have to contend with. And honestly? This is the kind of conundrum most couples go through at some point in their relationship. It's all about finding a balance.

What makes this harder is the fact that they spent years riding together, working side by side all day every day. Going from this to only seeing each other a couple of hours per day was always going to require a period of adaptation. The long hours in Metro or as a detective add another layer. But despite this, they're still supporting the other in their respective career. As Tim said, they'll figure it out.

However, let's say they really want to see each other more often than their current positions allow them to… The ideal solution would be for both of them to take a desk job within the station. That's where they have the best chance to have a regular schedule. But Tim has already done that and the man looked miserable after just one week… That's what started the five-player trade in the first place. They love the action too much : in 5.21, Lucy asked him if he ever wished he had a normal job, one where he didn't get shot at, and he said no. So did she. Which rules out this option.

At the moment, I'd say Metro presents the biggest challenge. So one way to fix it would be for Tim to move somewhere with less demanding hours. Being the Watch Commander could indeed be a possibility since he has the rank - but only if Lucy is out of patrol. He didn't seem to particularly enjoy the job though. And it would be a shame to lose Grey. That still leaves plenty of other positions, like the ones mentioned by Lucy when she was trying to get him a better job : IA, Motor, SWAT, Robbery, Vice… Now Robbery and Vice could present an issue if Lucy makes detective, depending which department recruits her. SWAT would be just as bad as Metro, and I doubt Tim would be interested in working for IA. Motor could be an option. K9 too. They are other departments and positions of course, but I don't really know them. That said, while it wouldn't be as unpredictable as Metro, as a supervisor, he would still have long hours.

Lucy has three main options : stay in patrol (where she could become a TO), try the detective's exam (her current path) or take the sergeant's exam (Tim's path). But again, being a Sergeant is no less demanding than being a Detective : Tim was asked to pick an aide for that very reason and we saw him stay after-shifts as well. Patrol is where it would be ideal in terms of a 'regular' schedule (all things considered) and action. But Lucy hasn't shown any interest in becoming a TO or even staying in patrol. Not to mention that it would be quite close to Nolan's storyline…

In my opinion, the best solution would be for them to move in together. Sure, it doesn't solve the issue of the long hours… But at least, it eliminates time spent commuting from one house to the other.

[the-magpie-archives]

so i saw your post about finding a dead body and having had even weirder things happen to you... care to elaborate any?

I do indeed care to elaborate! To start off with, all of this is true, but whether or not you believe it, it's pretty interesting.

So for a long time my friends and I have joked that I'm cursed because wherever I am weird stuff tends to happen. Sometimes this is just normal mundane odd things, weird coincidences or accidental predictions, but sometimes it's worse.

On that particular day I mentioned in my previous post I'd just started season 2 of tma and I made a silly joke about kinning Jon, thought nothing of it! This was back when I was in college so I went in for my classes, everything was fine.

Back then myself and a friend would walk around the city every day after class until around pretty late at night, which in hindsight was quite dangerous but we survived so how bad could it really have been!

Anyways, that day we went into Paddington Station to grab a coffee and upon entering saw a very dead man slumped on a bench. I won't go into detail but it was very clear there was nothing we could do for him. I'm as anti cop as the next person but in that situation there's not much else you can really do, so we found an officer, told him what was going on, and carried on going to get coffee. It sounds dismissive but we really had done everything we could do.

That was one of the most memorable times I've heard the 'Inspector Sans please report' announcement. There was never any investigation or report on the death, the guy looked homeless and like he'd overdosed so that's just not the kind of death that's newsworthy in a big city.

We decided to carry on with our usual daily walk, not really wanting to hang around the station after that. We ended up playing a fun little manifestation game as we walked, in which you basically decide an intention and walk whichever way you feel is right in the hopes of manifesting what you want. We weren't doing it seriously and my friend said we should try to find a celebrity, so I agreed, and we started. Neither of us said it to eachother at the time but we both felt uneasy about it.

We walked through Hyde Park and came out in Knightsbridge where we carried on walking. At this point the unease reached a peak point and we both admitted to eachother that we felt like something terrible was going to happen. Every car stopping and every person shouting felt like it would be the start of something awful, but what could we do except carry on?

We did carry on, for quite a while too. The feeling changed though, and i couldn't for the life of me shake the feeling that we were being watched, being followed, perhaps even compelled. I'm pretty big on spiritual stuff and I've been ghost hunting for years and this energy was NOT one that I liked at all. My friend was dead set on a certain route, down a particular street, and i DESPERATELY wanted to go that way too, but it just felt wrong. I had no reason to want to go that way, there was nothing interesting there!

At that point I stopped and told her I couldn't say why but that we should turn around. She really didn't want to, and i was worried we'd end up outright arguing in the street, but eventually she agreed. The second we turned round and started walking it started to rain. An insistent, heavy shower. It was weird, but that feeling of being watched left almost as soon as we were off that road.

It was around sunset by then, and we grabbed another coffee before splitting off to head home. My friend left to catch a bus, and i went to try and find the station. It had gotten dark, and Google maps said that Green Park Station was only a couple of minutes away, so I headed towards it, but my GPS was screwed up and I ended up taking a weird loop through the park itself and around the outside of The Ritz before I actually got there.

In that maybe 10 minutes of walking around alone, in the dark, even more strange things happened! For a start, in the park I nearly bumped into someone who was loudly chatting to their friend who just happened to be called Basira! I accidentally followed a cop to a little side entrance of the Ritz, and then managed to arrive at the station just in time to witness the aftermath of a bus accident!

Apologies for the long ramble, but that is the full story of that particular dead body, it's one of many adventures of the sort, and is definitely the sort of thing that made tma even more fun to listen to than it already is!

[regular-lord-reckoner]

hello !!

it is i, back to haunt this tumblr before spoopy season slips away, wooOOoooOOO

anyway, hi there, just thought i'd give a little update on me and what i've been up to.

i'm....ok ?? i guess ??

i feel more like myself, anyway, but still having a hard time most days, especially because i'm pretty sure i can feel myself sliding into burnout again but i'm doing my best !!

i still haven't been back to therapy yet, mostly because i'm trying to decide if i want to attempt to go to at least one more session if nothing else to clear up whatever remaining money i may owe her or if i should just move on. i feel a bit snubbed but at the same time i do still owe her for the work she's done so far and i don't think it's that much left anyway, but i've just kinda had to sit with that, "huh, okay then," feeling for a minute. i dunno, i guess we'll see.

if nothing else i think i'll probably find a new one at some point anyway because i feel like i'd kinda hit a wall with her and especially after her not reaching out to me to reschedule and only giving me the option of calling her to make an appointment (you literally work with all neurodivergent clients and you yourself also are, what are we doing here??) i'm not sure i really trust her anymore so oh well. that's part of it, i guess. you try some and they don't work out, but i do want to try again because i do think it helped so we'll see !

in the mean time, though, i've been keeping busy. lately mostly in preparation for a wedding that took place at my house this past weekend !!

it was for the daughter of someone my mom and i know from work and we've always loved them and their family so with how fucking expensive everything is these days we let them just use our place to get hitched and everything went off perfectly !!

and although i don't know them super duper well, i do think they're going to be a very good couple and their wedding was absolutely beautiful. we have this little clearing in the woods that as soon as you step into it it's almost like you're in another world and especially at this time of year it's really magical with the leaves changing and everything so for weeks leading up to this they've occasionally come out to clear things out and get it set up the way they wanted and it ended up being pretty simple, but still very beautiful.

i also got asked to be the person who fluffed out the bottom of her dress before she walked down the aisle and i also carried the train of her dress so i was actually the only person with her before the ceremony began and i hope i did a good job of calming her nerves beforehand. in any case, she did great, they both did great and it was one of the best weddings i think i've ever been to, so yay !! i hope they live happily ever after and all that !!

although admittedly i am glad the day has now passed so that i can work on some other projects around the house, namely my own shit.

i keep saying i'm gonna tackle my mess and donate some clothes and all that, but then i end up having to clean out the room the water heater's so a repair guy can come in or clean out the laundry room so a repair guy can come in or or or

there's also just me taking on more and more responsibilities now that it's just me and my mom, like yesterday for instance.

we decided instead of us trying to fool with putting the pool cover on ourselves we asked some guys from the place we buy some of our pool stuff from if they'd come out and do it and they said sure so that was all good and well but my mom decided she wanted us to have the water be tested beforehand to see if we need to add anything to it which....i feel like we haven't done in the past but i said i'd do it so i did (or tried to anyway)

wouldn't you fucking know it, the pool store we go to was closed !!! apparently they're closed every wednesday but i didn't realize that until i was at the gas station getting some gas and was going to pull the address up on my gps because i couldn't quite remember where it was so that was....fun

i thought i was going to be smart, though so i pulled up another pool place not too far from there that i remember us going to before so i thought surely i could just take my sample over to them and they'd be able to tell me what i need

well.............. evidently the benefit of going to the place we normally go to would have been that they already have all our information on file, including how many gallons it is, which....y'know, they kinda need to know in order to recommend any sort of treatment

and me being me and notoriously bad at guessing the size of things, i wasn't sure and didn't even want to try to guess because i knew i'd just sound like an idiot so i apologized and was ready to just take my water and leave but the guy was nice enough to still run it and said it looked fine, he just couldn't really recommend anything without knowing the size but that if i did figure it out to call and let them know, well, by that point i would have run out of time so i just thanked him and scurried out of there

and i know it's a silly thing to be upset about, especially with everything going on, but i think the thing that really got to me and made me cry on the way home was that this was a scenario where normally i could have just called my dad

my mom was busy at work and i didn't want to bother her, but like....my dad was retired, chances are he would have been at home, asleep in front of the TV with our dog in his lap. and truthfully, he probably would have just gone to the pool store and handled it so that i wouldn't have to clock out for a few hours which meant i had to work later yesterday just to get all my hours in

it's just been stuff like that, where over and over again i'm realizing, "oh, right....yeah" and i just....miss him. a lot.

especially now because in another turn of events, i uh....i guess my mom's dating now? kinda?

she said it wasn't anything serious and like....that's whatever, it's her life, she deserves to be happy, i just can't help but feel conflicted about the whole thing and have really been trying to sit with it for the past few days.

on the one hand i obviously just want her to be happy and i kind of knew on some level that this would probably happen, that she'd at least try it out and i can't say i blame her, she's pretty much only been in like...two serious relationships all her life, one of them being my dad so i get it. but on the other hand it's just kinda like....so, we're not gonna give therapy a shot? y'know that thing i've been more or less begging you to try for years now? we're just gonna.....hop into a relationship and that'll make it all better?

i dunno. i guess i'm just worried because she's not always the best judge of character and can be easily fooled by people, especially when they really put on the charm and i just don't want her (or me by extension) to end up in some fucked up situation because of some asshole

it's also kind of frustrating to me, too because one of her friends who's egging this on is in one of the most toxic garbage dumps of a relationship i've ever seen and it's just like....that's who you're going to listen to?? someone who, i love very much, but in no way has their shit together and is very much only in this relationship because of that and that's whose example you're gonna follow?? okay !!!

i dunno. i've talked with her about it and have mostly just encouraged her to please be careful, please don't jump into anything too fast and please especially if you're going to do this please, please, please consider also doing therapy. i really don't think any relationship should be a substitute for the work a person needs to do on themselves, no matter how nice it may seem to have another person ~~fix you, it's just.....not possible. trust me, i've been trying to do it for everyone i love my entire life and it's never once worked. maybe i'm just shitty at it or maybe, just maybe, it's just....not possible for another person to reach into someone's head and do that interpersonal work for them. i dunno, call me crazy, but it's just been a wall i've been slamming myself into over and over and over again, especially with her and this is still where it's at so like....you tell me !!

but yeah, that's just really thrown me through a loop lately and admittedly, selfishly, in my private time i've had a few breakdowns about it because on a personal level i'm just....not ready for that.

even if it never gets to that point where i have a ~stepdad or what the fuck ever, i just don't know if i'm ready to see her with someone besides my dad and i'm sure if she does meet someone good who's good to her and really makes her happy i'll suck it up and just cheer them on but like....fuck if it isn't going to kill me inside a little

i dunno, i guess we'll see what happens. i guess also selfishly i'm just dreading the worst because i also feel like all of my life i've watched person after person after person that i love get into a bad situation because of a relationship and i know it's just part of life and maybe if i'd be a little braver it would happen to me as well, but it just sucks and i really don't want her to get hurt because if she was struggling before i can only imagine how much worse it might get if she gets with the wrong person or if it just doesn't turn out well for whatever reason.

ultimately, though, it's pretty much out of my hands. that was one thing i've learned from my own time in therapy is that i really shouldn't make myself be so responsible for other people's shit and not in that shitty twitter way of like, "nobody owes anyone anything!!" or whatever, but like.... i really have spent a good chunk of my life throughout multiple relationships trying to take on other people's stuff for them and i just....can't anymore.

it's not that i don't care, it's not that i don't want to see people succeed and be happy, it's just like i said before, i'm not physically possible of going into anyone else's head and messing around with the wires in there to make them connect in whatever way that will finally make someone else realize that they're loved already and really do mean something to me and to others

i feel like i've done a lot through my actions (and words) to try to convey my love, but beyond that point it's simply just not possible for me to make someone else actually internalize those things and overcome insecurities and hangups. i'll do the best i can, but there are just some thing that aren't possible for me to do and i've about wrung myself completely dry trying

so yeah, that's just some of what's been going on with me lately. just been a lot to process and a lot to deal with and on top of that, i also have two aunts that are in florida right now who i think just got their power back on yesterday so i'm glad for that and i'm glad they're okay but that was also just...kinda of a nightmare time with this past storm

especially because one of my aunts (i'll just call her aunt B and the other one aunt N since they're names start with the same letter), aunt B, initially made it seem like she and her partner were just gonna...y'know, ride out the storm. in their not-at-all-built-for-this-shit garage.

mind you, aunt N, who's been living in florida for the past 30 years and has ridden out every storm up until this point, actually decided to seek shelter further inland at the place she works at so it's like....hey, if she's going to take cover i think you two, who live even closer to the water, should probably like.....not just climb into a boat in your garage and wait for the waves to come get you or what the hell ever the plan was

they also had my mom all upset because B's partner was like, "we'll text you the bank information so you can have access" and shit like that and it's like ????? hey, can we not??? please??

they did end up getting in the storm shelter one of their neighbors has so thank fuck for that, but the cell service at that time was almost non-existent so between these texts were had to wait a long time and were both just losing our shit because we didn't know what was going on and it just...yeah

aunt N also said that when she got back to the neighborhood she had a break down because so many people's places were just destroyed and it was so incredibly devastating.

she thought initially that her roof was gone but it turns out it was the crumpled up remains of one of her neighbor's roofs that had blown onto hers so she's been trying to get them hooked up with some help to fix that

i gotta give it to my aunt N, too, because her work had only extended an offer to her to come seek shelter but she rounded up as many people in her neighborhood as she could, grabbed her cat and they all headed over to wait for Milton to pass

the other element of this is, i think part of the reason aunt B's partner was being that way about everything was because aunt N offered to come get them as well but because she still has a grudge against aunt N (for some shit she started, mind you !!!) she was just...y'know, gonna commit herself and aunt B to dying rather than accept aunt N's help

which just.....alright. fuckin' alright then.

like i said before, everyone please go to therapy. or just....something. because i've seen so many examples of what happens when you don't and you decide to make the world your enemy instead or flip on people who genuinely just want to help and love you and this is where it gets you. pulling stupid stunts like that and putting other people's lives at risk over petty fucking bullshit

and if anything, considering aunt N was the one who was wronged in this situation, i really think it was big of her to even extend that offer in the first place because i know that woman can hold a grudge but even in that instance was she like, "hey, i don't like this person but you're with my sister and i still love her so can we put this shit aside for a minute and just work together so nobody gets hurt?"

and the fact that aunt B's partner STILL hasn't budged is just....wild to me. like ma'am, you put a ransom style note in aunt N's mailbox calling her a cunt (once again over some shit YOU started) and you're really going to be like this?? during a natural disaster?? okay. whatever, man.

i'm just glad everyone's okay and i know aunt B and her partner were thinking about moving back up here anyway so hopefully they'll more seriously consider that instead of just sending my mom on a wild goose chase all over the place looking for perfectly good homes that aunt B's partner will turn down for bullshit reasons like "the yard doesn't have any mature trees" or what the hell ever

i guess we'll see on that, too.

in happier news, though, i get to see my nieces this weekend because one of them's having a little birthday party so that should be fun !!

i'm going to go to bed soon because i actually need to go buy her a present tomorrow as well as take the trash off and get some groceries so hopefully i find her something good !!

oh and they did come out to close the pool today which i'm always sad to see go but by the last few times i had gotten in there i couldn't feel my toes so i guess it's time and i'll have to find some other way to exercise

on the upside, though, i should have more time for other stuff i've been putting off because i'd been spending a lot of time out there just...trying to heal and shit so hopefully soon i'll get back to my puzzles and learning guitar and reading more books and all that jazz

and of course the closer it gets to halloween the better so i hope everyone has a wonderful spoopy season and are trying to find some enjoyment in whatever you can right now, especially if you love fall and hopefully you'll hear from me again before too long <3