#and I’m sure many of u respond normally to someone not shipping them

[yakkety-yak-art]

look I’m not going to say that you’re personally a creep or a bad person if you ship Betelgeuse with an adult Lydia (that sounds sarcastic but I mean that genuinely I truly do not care lol), but I DID feel like I was going insane when I saw people dogpiling someone on the Beetlejuice subreddit for saying “ew” and “it makes me uncomfortable” on a post literally asking people what they would think if Beetlejuice 2 ended with them together.

Like genuinely that’s all they said. They said the ship makes them personally uncomfortable and they wouldn’t have liked it being made official because of the context in which the two of them initially interact in the first movie, and several people showed up to call them a prude, a puritan who hates people who are sexually liberated (??), a “chronically online” person who probably rants about how fiction affects reality so anyone who ships anything is automatically a pedophile, etc etc.

The post was ABOUT PEOPLE’S OPINIONS. ON A SHIP BEING MADE CANON. And when someone said “I don’t want that because of how it personally makes me feel” without even making a judgement call on the people who do like it or accusing anyone of anything suddenly that person was public enemy no.1

In conclusion I hate Reddit.

[witchie-writings]

Hi!!! This is my first time doing a ship match? Is that what u call it lol. My nickname is Cat/Cathy, I’m a 22 yr old female. I think I’m either 5’0 or 5’1 not really sure, I have dark brown hair that looks light brown in the sunlight and have dark brown eyes. The first halo game I’ve been introduced to was halo reach and it’s my fave out of all of them tbh. My hobbies are sleeping, playing video games & listening to music. I want to get into drawing and to continue working out but I don’t have the motivation rn. For some reason, not matter how many hours I sleep, I’m always tired. Even when I drink coffee it doesn’t give me energy. Right now I’m in college but I keep changing my major cuz Idk what I want to do. I want to go into a field that I have a passion for because I don’t wanna regret it in the future. Personality wise, I’m shy at first but once you get to know me I’m a nice friendly person. People always ask me why I look angry even tho at that moment I’m not. Also I want to make friends but I don’t like going through the process of talking to strangers. I usually stay in my room all day on my phone unless I need to go out for necessities. My job requires me to interact with people and it stresses me out, idk if that’s anxiety but it’s like a fear of mine I guess. Hopefully in the next few years I can get out of my introvert shell. Thank you for listening to me ramble and I can’t wait to see who I get matched with😅☺️

okay this was one of the harder ones, since i was torn between two spartans, but i thiiiiiiiiink i got the right one!!! hopefully im right lmao

I ship you with...

Jun-A266!

Honestly it wouldn't doubt me one bit if people questioned my choices, but I don't want to recycle the same "Master Chief Jerome Carter" formula; I want to give other spartans love rather than leaving them empty handed, so, here we have Jun! Originally it was supposed to be Jorge, but something about what you said screamed at me that Jun would be the type to enjoy your personality.

Not one moment would he be bothered by your initial shyness, if anything he'll be patient and take the reigns and be the person to initiate conversation. You don't have to respond to him if you don't want to, he's perfectly fine with talking all day long (well, not all day, but he is surprisingly a chatter box).

Bah, Jun wouldn't mind the way you look, to him you look like a normal citizen. He's not easily intimidated, take Jorge for example.

Jun relates to you when you say coffee never seems to give you energy, he rides in the same boat. No matter how many gallons of coffee this man consumes, it seemingly vanishes the instant it reaches his stomach, leaving Jun with little energy. Well, not true. He's used to managing with little sleep, so you'll be catching him up in the middle of the night grabbing a snack or polishing his rifle.

I think the obstacle you'll have to overcome with Jun is his usual unattached or apathetic nature. It's not his fault, as he suffers from post-traumatic stress, and it's taking a lot of therapy to topple it. Don't expect Jun to immediately open up to you or be the most comforting.

What does do though is listen. His ears can pick up any trace of sound, so you bet your ass Jun will be listening in on whatever you have to say and processing it through his mind. If you want to say something to someone else and they're not paying attention, they'll get a tap on the shoulder by the ever watchful Jun.

Jun would be the one to help you nail down what major you want to do; he'll spend hours going over your likes and dislikes to help choose the right path for you, like how he chose the path of the sniper to travel down. And believe me, Jun knows his shit.

Okay but another reason why I chose Jun is that he'd honestly prefer staying inside too. Being outside doesn't bother him and he doesn't mind it, but being inside provides a good amount of cover for him, so it's safe, and not to mention he has a clear view of his targets.

Ehhhhh Jun will have some problems trying to help you during your stress at your job. Again, he's pretty apathetic, so it's less comfort and more of advice, which sometime isn't really needed. This does leave him confused and sort of annoyed really; it'll be hard for him to see that's him that has to adapt, but he'll get there, eventually.

Till then though, he'll have Jorge help him out with controlling your anxiety. Breathing exercises, all that.

What he does have though is confidence, and that's something that'll keep pushing you forward. Jun isn't the type to falsely believe you're already great and all that, he wants to see you improve and be the best of the best.

He helps you study, he helps with practice tests, he helps you work out, and hell he even tries to help you with drawing, because he wants to see you improve and strive to be the top. He'll never speak down to you while helping, and surprisingly he's patient when it comes to this, since it's something he can actually interact with (emotionally he's not great, but physically and mentally he is).

This spartan doesn't understand video games, not in the slightest. If he sees you playing an FPS game he'll probably just take you outside and see if you could pull it off in real life. If it's an RPG or and MMO, he'd probably watch just to see how you do.

Even though he doesn't care for games, he can instantly pick up on things you should and should not do in them. You can probably say that if Jun actually cared for said games, he'd be really fucking good at them.

He's not much of a physical person (I mean, not many of the spartans are), buuuuut he can let a hand hold slide.

JEALOUS MAN

I know I said Jun is apathetic and all that but there's one emotion he can't tune out, and that is raw jealous. That shit is a literal bomb inside of him, and he can never figure out why.

He'd likely intimidate whoever was flirting with you with his rifle, and some good ol' spartan charm... aka how about Jun prove his abilities by the guy running the other way?

Then.. he'd just pick you up and leave

Yeah, he's that type of guy

[zukkoxx]

mha boys jealous moments

w/ bakugo, deku, kirishima

warnings: slight season 3 spoilers, fem! reader

bakugo💥

bakugo rarely got jealous to be honest.

he was confident in your relationship and knew that you both loved each other more than you could express.

but there was something about the way that baldy, inasa yoarashi who used to go to shiketsu high school, talked to you so enthusiastically and made you laugh your ass off that had him fuming

it was the yearly meet up for the strange friend group, bakugo, todoroki, inasa, camie, and y/n.

the group that had to retake their license exam during high school, which resulted into a weird friendship that had the five meeting up every year to catch up.

the meet up itself was normal. at a fancy restaurant in a private area with an interesting conversation going on.

you were sitting between bakugo and inasa.

somehow, the conversation of first dates was brought up, and everyone was sharing the interesting stories of their first one.

todoroki explained how his first date was with momo, since everyone seemed to like them together. but it made him realize they had absolutely nothing in common

especially when it came to tea…

camie told everyone about how her first date was with some sleaze who only wanted her body for one night, which had you shaking your head is disgust.

anyways, the conversation resulted into you hearing about inasa’s first date, where he explained he was so nervous that his quirk went off involuntarily, blowing the food everywhere.

his enthusiastic story telling and the details he added had you laughing up a storm.

you were so engrossed in the story, that you hadn’t noticed your boyfriend staring at the man with an expression that could only be considered as pure acrimony

what the hell was so funny about what this baldy was saying?

“inasa that’s too crazy! i can’t believe that happened.” you breathed out, going to wipe some stray tears away from your eyes.

inasa looked at you with pure delight, pride filling his chest at the fact that he made you laugh so intensely.

you turned your head to look at bakugo who you hadn’t really been paying much attention to for most of the night.

right away you noticed his familiar grimace, that seemed way more irate than usual.

“what’s wrong kats?” you ask absentmindedly, taking a sip of your drink.

he just shook his head at you before looking at inasa. “that’s a pretty funny story baldy…” he mutters. “you know, my first date was with this beauty right here.” your boyfriend nudges you with a half smirk. “only girl i thought was capable enough to handle me.”

“i can see why. y/n’s quite fierce. i’d assumed she’d be able to put you in your place every now and then.” inasa shrugged, a competitive glint forming in his eyes.

“put me in my place?” bakugo scoffed. “please, a few dates after our first one, i already had her screaming under me. she could barely keep up.”

you gasp, turning to bakugo and slapping his hard bicep. “katsuki! why would you say that?”

he just chuckled, watching as inasa suddenly grew flustered and looked away. “just had to make sure that baldy knew who you’d be going home with tonight.” he kissed your cheek, and you turned away from him, pouting in embarrassment

deku 🥦

we know this precious boy had insecurities growing up, but as he got older they went away bit by bit

you played a big part in it. always reassuring him that he was perfect the way he is and he had nothing to be insecure about.

but being pro heroes and being in the public eye almost all the time did leave some room for those wondering thoughts and doubts to creep back up.

fortunately, izuku found new ways to handle those feelings. gave them head on with confidence like he did with most of his problems.

it was a cool night, and you and your boyfriend had just got done kicking some villain’s ass. of course, tons of reporters were surrounding you both.

“miss (hero name)! how would u describe the performance of both you and deku tonight!”

“was this particular villain hard to fight off? you seem a little more hazed than usual!”

you tired to answer every question as quick as possible, but one particular question you wish you didn’t hear had to stumped to the core.

“have you heard about the recent news of you being shipped with another pro-hero?” the reporter asked.

“wha…no.” you tried to respond, but the question just seemed to get other reporters more hyped.

“much of the public believe you should be with another pro-hero! one that matches your style more!”

“people are predicting the end of h/n and deku! what do you have to say about that?”

“um, no me and izu-ah deku are completely fine. i would never leave him!” you try to retaliate.

“but there are tons of other heroes who have their eyes on you h/n! it’d be stupid to not give them a chance!”

you scoffed at the reporter’s words, trying to go against what they were saying when you suddenly felt a hand wrap your waist and a big frame stand behind you.

“don’t you think if h/n and i weren’t perfect for each other, we’d have broken up already?” izuku comes into frame with a hard expression, his question leaving the reporters speechless.

“it’s been so many years, i don’t think we would continue to torture ourselves in an uncommitted relationship if we didn’t love each other, right h/n”

you nodded feverishly, letting izuku take over as he looked directly into the camera “oh, and to all the pro-heroes who have their eyes on my girlfriend, you better keep that fantasy in your head, cause this girl is all mine.”

he gave you an affection squeeze on the hips before pulling you away to the car.

you sighed out in relief and turned to him with a big smile. “thank you for helping me back there izu.” you smile, and peck his cheek.

“of course. anything for you but��you don’t actually think about being with other heroes? right?” you could basically see the sweat running down the side of his face.

“of course not! you’re my one and only deku.” you smile as he leans in, placing a loving kiss on your lips

kirishima 🪨

it’s really hard for kiri to get jealous

he just thinks everyone has positive motives and doesn’t like to assume the worst.

but when it’s really obvious someone is flirting with you, he’ll get involved quicker than he can harden.

you were out shopping with your red haired boyfie, and he had walked away for a bit to look at the men’s section.

it was only about five minutes when a weird looking man approached you, his aura already feeling off

“hey there sexy lady! saw you looking all pretty over here and i just had to talk to ya” he smiled crookedly, making you cringe.

“i’m flattered but, i have a boyfriend.” you try to smile, turning away and shuffling through clothes.

“well i don’t see him around.” the man says.

that’s always their response. isn’t it?

“he’s just over there in the men’s section. so i’d really appreciate it if you left me alone.”

“come on baby! there’s nothing wrong with having a little fun! i’m sure your boyfriend wouldn’t mind.”

god if this man says one more thing to me i swear i’ll-

“you thought wrong sir.” you hear kirishima say, his usual voice dropping a few octaves making the man in front of you clench up.

“i know she’s already told you she had a boyfriend. what will it take for you to leave her alone hm?”

“i’m sorry dude-“

“yeah you are. now get out of here of while you can still walk.” kiri said, making the man skedaddle.

after he was out of sight, your boyfriend put a hand on his chest and let out a breath. “jeez that was scary babe!”

“eijiro, you’re a pro hero who fights scary villains all the time.”

“yeah! but the thought of someone stealing my baby away is my biggest fear!” he yells.

you laugh “good thing that’ll never happen babe.”

posted 7/1/21

really sorry about kiri’s being a little shorter. anyways hope you guys liked this. i’ll be answering requests tomorrow. it’s about 3:30 AM where i am rn so i’ll get some sleep and work on them right away. hope you liked this. leave a request here -> 🥀

gn loves! <3

[tooweirdforyou]

hi!! i love ur writing could i request for #12 with Luffy? i lov how you write luffy. u could come up with anything! like reader is insecure or etc, it’s all up to you!! no matter what i know i will love it!!

Prompt #12 With Luffy

A/N : ah, this is also a lyric prompt from Locked Away. Hope you enjoy this! :) 🥰🤍 thank you, Luffy is kind of a spontaneous character so he’s really random and unique to do, so thank you for the compliment.

Prompt #12 : “would you still love me the same?..”

Summary : When Luffy finds you alone, with your hidden scars and marks exposed. Luffy reminds you of his love for you and your self.

Note : if you ever feel insecure about anything and having some sad times, let’s talk. I understand how you feel because I feel the same often. Everything will be okay though. :)

-

“I haven’t seen [Name] in a while.”

Luffy pouts and grumbles a bit, when he didn’t receive the answer he was looking for, having asked his crew members where you’ve been.

He hadn’t seen you all day, and last night, you didn’t even come into the room to cuddle and sleep with him like usual.

He was feeling pretty grumpy today because of that.

“[Naaaameee]!” He calls, looking around and exhaled. He knows the crew didn’t forget you on the island they just got off of, so where could you be?

You didn’t attend breakfast and you didn’t immediately come out to Luffy’s side to spend the day with either. He was growing irritated.

“[Naaameeee]! I order you to come out now, as your captain!” He demands, crossing his arms childishly and looks around.

He stood in the center of the ship on the main deck, waiting patiently for your arrival into his arms.

“Luffy, did you even look for them?” Usopp sighs at Luffy’s immaturity of just sitting with his arms crossed.

“Of course I did! I looked in the kitchen, in the room and all over the ship!” Luffy argues, groaning out with impatience when you’ve yet to come into his side.

He starts to pout and wonder if you’re missing. You wouldn’t just disappear or avoid him without a good reason, right?

“Luffy, what are you going on about now?” Nami sighs, having enough of Luffy’s yells and finally emerged from her personal navigation room.

She stares pointedly at Luffy with narrowed eyes and sees him standing in the center of the deck, looking around.

“I can’t find [Name]!” Luffy whines to Nami, making her furrow her brows. “[Name]? You’ve looked everywhere?”

Luffy nods silently and sits down with his arms and legs crossed. “Are they avoiding me?” He frowns a bit.

Usually, you would be out with him and playing games with each other and just sharing laughs.

But recently, you’ve been gone and haven’t been around him as much.

Nami exhales and looks around as well. “If they’re not anywhere on the ship.. have you tried looking in the bathroom?”

Luffy hums and tilts his head confusedly. “Bathroom? Why would they be in there?” Nami shrugs. “Worth a look.”

Luffy grumbles a bit at Nami as he sighs and scratches his head. He looks around with a frown once more before standing up and dusting his clothes.

Securing his hat onto his head, he began making his way over to the bathroom, waiting to go ask you why you’re avoiding him.

What he wouldn’t expect to see, is you on the ground, in front of a mirror with your shirt raised and your back and abdomen exposed.

Much less, with you in tears. You, his special significant other, someone he would sacrifice himself for, crying with your face covered.

“[Name]..”

You gasp and snap your head up when you heard a voice. “L-Luffy!”

Instinctively, you turned away from the mirror to face Luffy, letting your back be shown in the mirror which caused Luffy’s own eyes to widen at the sight.

He was so focused on your form in the mirror and the fact that you were crying, that he completely missed the vast amount of scars and marks that ran across your skin.

“H-Hey.. are those..”

Your breath hitched as you quickly pulled down your shirt and stood up, shaking your head. “It’s nothing, Luffy. What are you doing here?”

Luffy didn’t say anything as he stares at your form, you wiping your tears away.

He takes a step towards you, you slowly taking a step back which made him frown. “.. is this where you’ve been these past couple days? Were you avoiding me?”

You smile weakly and shake your head. “Of course not, Luffy. Why would I avoid you?” You went to walk to the exit. “Come on, Luffy-“

Luffy looks down and let a shadow cast over his eyes. “.. were those scars?..” he asks quietly and slowly.

Pausing, you felt a few tears brimming your eyes at his question. ‘He saw them.. he.. saw.. them..’ you thought, biting your lip hard and clenched your fists.

“I have.. no idea what you’re talking about..”

Luffy didn’t respond as he turns to face you behind him.

“Show them to me, [Name].”

Reluctance and fear washed over you.

You felt shame, embarrassment, humiliation and more all running through out your mind and body.

“...Would you still love me the same?..”

Hearing your question, to say Luffy was shocked might’ve been an understatement, but he still didn’t respond, nor did he express his shock.

Hesitantly, you look away to hide your shame as you slowly pulled up the back of your shirt, exposing all of misery and humiliation.

Luffy stares intently at your scars, observing your back and all your marks silently.

Finally, after what felt like hours, you pull down your shirt again and gripped the hem of it tightly.

“...well?” You felt so much shame and embarrassment that you couldn’t help the small teardrops dripping down your cheeks.

Instead of answering, Luffy reacted in his own way.

He stretched out his arms and wrapped it around your torso tightly, and within seconds, had you curled into his chest, back against his.

Your eyes widen at this, startled. “L-Luff-“

“Of course I still love you the same.”

That shut you up immediately.

“..I always have, and I always will.” Luffy firmly states, hugging you tighter into his hold and sat down so you sat on his lap.

“I will never think of you different. I will never not love you. You’re mine, [Name]. I don’t care what you look like, what marks you have, or any other insecurities you’re ashamed of.” Luffy says into your ear, his voice softening at the end.

“I love you, [Name].”

Speechless. You didn’t know what to say. So many emotions were thrown at you but all you could feel was your tears streaming down your cheeks faster at his words.

You reach your hands up to cover your face as you cried silently, leaning into him. “I.. I’m so ashamed of them, Luffy..”

“.. we all have scars on our bodies, [Name]. It’s normal.” He mumbles, frowning as he leans his forehead into the back of your head, taking in the scent of your hair.

He gently grabs your hand and brings up to let your fingers touch against his scar under his eye and then turned you to face him.

He pulls your hand down to his own chest and let your fingers touch his scar on his chest from Akainu. “I have scars too, [Name].. it shows we’re strong and human.”

He then smiled softly and gently kissed your head.

“Your scars don’t define you. It doesn’t matter if you have them or not, you’re still you. That’s all that matters.”

Luffy then plasters on a small close-eyed grin.

“So don’t cry anymore, okay? Don’t be ashamed of your marks. I love them, and I love you. I don’t care what you look like so you shouldn’t either!” He chuckles a bit as he stands up with you still in his arms.

“Come on, I’m getting tired and I haven’t seen you all day. Let’s go cuddle!”

With that, he began carrying you out of the bathroom and to your room, holding you close towards him while planting kisses all over your face and shoulders that he could reach.

You feel a small shy smile forming on your own lips as you wipe your tears dry. “..sure.”

You were still feeling insecure of your scars but right now, you felt a bit confident with them, Luffy reminding you that you were still the same person, whether people knew of it or not.

-

A/N : okay, obviously not my best work, I kind of rushed this and I’m so sorry anon :( if you want me to re-do it, I will. I just wanted this out as quickly as possible.

I’m not feeling too good, this seasonal sickness is probably catching up with me or maybe I’m just feeling really tired and sad of Sanji in Whole Cake right now and I’m feeling too heartbroken :<

[kae-karo]

fic writer interview!

i saw @prince-liest do this and thus i will take ur 'tagging anyone who wants to do this' seriously lmaoooo (also hi btw hope ur well!!! 💜💜)

How many works do you have on AO3?

ahaha,,,,,159 lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

fdsjkkjlsfdklj as of today, 2,089,769

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

only three fsdjkldslfkj the phandom (dan&phil), bnha, and genshin!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

chosen (x) - zhongchi (genshin)

to love (and be loved in return) (x) - kaeluc (genshin)

little bird (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

feet don't touch the ground (x) - xiaoven (genshin)

i knew you were fire (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

honestly none of that surprises me except that little bird is still up there, although i think i owe that to sif (@the-final-sif) for sharing it around the time it got posted since it was partly inspired by her raptor stress grip post!!

the rest are all chaptered fics, which is mostly what i expected to be in the top 5 lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! always!!!! no matter what u comment, i will respond!!! and if i don't, it's probably cause ao3 didn't notify me properly or i didn't see it in my inbox or something

as for why, it's mostly to do with like...i know how hard it can be for some people to comment, even just a bunch of heart emojis or a 'i loved this!' or something short and simple? and it means a lot to me that ppl are going out of their way to say something nice, no matter how small, and it's really really important to me to acknowledge that

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hmm,,,,,this is a hard one, cause for a very long time, my policy was that my fic would always have a happy ending? and for a long time, that was true!! but the dabihawks interaction (during the raid) broke me, and from an emotional standpoint, i think freeing icarus (x) is probably the one that has the angstiest ending of the two or so that i wrote in that time?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

u know i really haven't written any crossovers? it's normally not my thing cause my brain typically focuses on a single thing and doesn't really have the capacity to think about more than that, so i end up writing just au-style or fusion-style (shoutout to that one bnha but it was scooby doo fic i wrote - x)

i don't think i'd be opposed to writing a crossover but i'd have to be SUPER inspired by the idea and both fandoms lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha yes, i have. the only straight up hate i've received was on a kaeluc fic (surprisingly not because it was kaeluc, but bc i was 'mistreating' kaeya in the fic) - to be entirely fair, the commenter pointed out something that i hadn't realized myself, and it led to a second piece of the story that helped me tie up some loose ends, but...let's just say they weren't very kind about their feelings lmao

other than that, i had someone very upset because i didn't tag which character was bottoming in a fic (valid if that bugs u!) and they read through most of it before getting to the smut (and said that they enjoyed everything up to that point) then said they were 'disgusted' by it. i have opinions on that and a few other comments they made, but i will keep them to myself lmao

and beyond that, just a few ppl on my xiaoven fic saying that they were unhappy about the background kaeluc (which is tagged lmao) - really no hate whatsoever til genshin, honestly, which is...very hmmmm :) lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yep!!! mostly vanilla or vanilla-adjacent lmao i'm not super into heavy kink, although i know if epi reads this she's gonna call me out for being a monsterfucker bc of my dragon!zhongli smut :) lmaoooo but really i tend to write pretty vanilla smut! i also prefer to avoid any noncon/dubcon or hate sex or anything particularly angsty, just not my jam to write!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

hmm i don't think so? although i don't heavily monitor ao3 (or wattpad/ffn), so i can't really say that for sure lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! i've had a few fics translated to russian (little bird is one of them!) which is very sweet and i hope that anyone who prefers to read in russian has been enjoying those fics!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alksdfjklsdf only once, and it's deadass how me and rose got together. we decided to co-write a podcast au fic for the phandom (x) and ended up flirting via google docs asldkfjkldsfj

What’s your all time favourite ship?

what a horrible question, making me choose between my children like this!!!! sdlfkjdskf tbh i'm not sure i have a real answer bc it changes as i go? and 'favorite' is so vague,,,,,favorite to read? to write about? to think about? asdklfjkjsdfk i really don't know if i have an answer, but i'll maybe say kaeluc for now lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

well first and foremost, with only 2 exceptions, i never post a fic unless it's done. i tend to follow wherever my passion leads my brain, so i'm notorious for jumping around between stories and taking breaks from long fic and returning later on to finish them, and i know that i would not do well under the pressure of posting something unfinished and trying to finish it in a timely manner

that said, many wips sit in my google doc folder, but one is Well Known as the one that has followed me through both the phandom and bnha (rose keeps asking who i'm gonna switch the chars to in genshin, but i think it suits bakudeku too well to do that) - only the lonely survive. it sits at like 36k in my wip folder, and i adore the story dearly and i want very much to finish it, but it never makes it quite to the forefront of my motivation, and so it rarely if ever gets worked on...i hate the idea of 'never' finishing it, but it's unfortunately quite likely that i won't 😭😭😭

What are your writing strengths?

emotion!!! and immersion!!! it's my goal in a fic to make it as immersive as possible and saturated with emotion to help convey that feeling of being in the place of the pov character, and i think i do it pretty well. also just bc i feel a little obligated to say it - another strength is actually sitting down and putting words down. i know that's a struggle for a lot of writers and i often get,,,,lovingly bullied? i guess? lmao for being able to bash out a few k in a day most days

What are your writing weaknesses?

this isn't so much a weakness i guess but i am basically incapable of treating crack fic as crack. if i have a cracky idea, it will, without a doubt, end up turning into a Perfectly Serious fic somehow (notable 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fics include: todoroki doing the freeze-the-ocean thing from frozen 2, 'shmigaraki', todo and denki get together bc of vine references, the league sells feet pics, shiggy and natsu own a nightclub/bakery, scooby doo but make it bnha, and dabi getting his ears pierced at claire's)

but in all seriousness, i think my main weakness is that i often get comfortable? and i'm not one to typically push myself forcefully out of my comfort zone when it comes to stories that i come up with on my own, which often means that ideas inspired by discussions with others are what prompt me to branch out and try new things?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think, like anything, it has its place? there are certainly stories where it makes sense to do that and even adds depth to a story, although i personally am not exceptionally comfortable enough with other languages (except maybe asl) to do that in fic myself without the assistance of someone very comfortable with that language lmao

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the phandom! not really my jam to write rpf anymore but it definitely got me started and i'm really grateful for my time writing there, as everyone was super supportive and kind, and it was really a perfect place for a beginner to get comfortable and practice

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

again, forcing me to choose between my children...i really don't know that i can pick one fic bc they all exist in such wildly different spaces? i poured my worldbuilding soul into the king of disaster series (mainly dabihawks - x), exile (dan and phil - x) was my first massively long fic, our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone (chayea - x) is probably my favorite character/character dynamic study, i'm exceptionally proud of the smut in chosen (zhongchi - x), the list goes on and on and on lmao like. i could probably list half my fics as favorites in some regard dsflkjdfsjkl

anyway, tyty bellamy for putting this on my dash so i could do it as well!!

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i have so many writer friends slkdjfjklsdf but please please tag me if u do it so i can read urs!!! 💜💜💜

[jefferoni-quotes]

Jamilton Playlist - Updated

hey! so a while back i made a jamilton playlist, but since then i’ve added and removed a few songs. some songs have simply been removed because i dont enjoy them anymore. as always, leave recommendations and add ideas!

Hey Stupid, I Love You by JP Saxe - Listen, this song is so perfect. Someone sent me an ask about it once so I gave it a listen and it fits so well! They’re both so stupid. “hE cAnT cArE aBoUt mE hE hAtEs mE”

Heather by Conan Gray - This one is a bit angstier. Alexander about Thomartha. Except, the last chorus. Thomas kisses him and all Alexander can react with is shock. He thinks it’s a prank or a sick joke, so he gets mad. “Why would you ever kiss me? I’m not even half as pretty!” (Please,,, don’t steal this idea I’m writing it :( )

Overwhelming by Jon Bellion - This is such a good song. I’m thinking first verse from Thomas’ perspective and the second from Alexander’s. The rest is up to you. It has some amazing lines like, “there is a potion in your lips, so sweet, I’d die.” And, “there is an ocean in your hips so deep I’d die.” It’s such an amazing song, go listen to Jon Bellion, I love him.

Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown - There’s a lot of cavetown songs on this list so bare with me. Thomas has fragile masculinity and my mind can’t be changed. Also I like applying Thomas to cavetown songs sorry not sorry. “If you wanna cry make sure that they never see it, or even better yet, block it out and never feel it.” Mmm, just sayin’.

Sweet Tooth by Cavetown - I don’t really have an explanation for this other than it’s a good song and it inspires a lot of Jamilton within me.

Telescope by Cavetown - Same as last time, it gives me motivation to write Jamilton. Mostly Jefferson angst, not gonna lie

IV. Sweatpants by Childish Gambino - LiSten this song is so perfect for Thomas. “Rich kid asshole, paint me as a villain.” B U T after the line “I don’t give a fuck about my family name!” The song changes for a few seconds before it goes back to normal and I think that’s an excellent opportunity to slip in TJ angst.

Affluenza by Conan Gray - Mm, angst? I think so. This time I say we add some Lafayette and Madison since they were both rich too. I just think this would be nice to see Alexander helping Thomas find some motivation again.

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T by Fall Out Boy - It’s just a go to song for ships! It’s cute okay–

bad idea! by girl in red - They probably think sleeping with their rival is a bad idea. But that won’t stop them! Anyway, I feel like the first verse/chorus is from Alexander’s P.O.V, and the second verse/chorus from Thomas’s P.O.V, the rest could be shared or split up however you’d like.

Peach Scone by Hobo Johnson - First of all, this song slaps. It’s so good. Its unique and I love it. Also, its totally from Thomas’ perspective. He’s helping Alexander with his relationship with Eliza and pretending he doesnt have the biggest fucking crush on him.

Hot Fuck No Love by clipping.- Listen its sung by clipping. Daveed fucking sings this. You know I had to.

Dazzle by Oh Wonder - Thomas trying to impress Alexander. And Alexander being, “haha yeah you cute but also you don’t know what you’re doing with your life."

Sunshine Riptide by Fall Out Boy and Burna Boy - It fits well. A lot of FØB songs do. I get a lot of inspiration from this.

Backyard Boy by Claire Rosinkranz - High School AU. S,,soft,,,, they’re happy together. But also this could be angsty, like at the end. Turn it into a bittersweet ending.

Drinking Alone by Carrie Underwood - Thomas is sad and at a bar, Alexander tries to make conversation. They get drunk and hook up? I think so!

Beautiful Trauma by P!nk - Unstable relationship? I think so. Also the music video? Just saying… this could easily be Jamilmads too. P!nk being Alexander. Thomas being the husband. Listen I’m just s a y in g

Shallow by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper - I just find this song so sweet and Jamilton deserves to be sweet sometimes okay.

Lemon Boy by Cavetown - Alexander being the metaphorical Lemon Boy. Everytime Thomas tries to get rid of him be appears again until he learns to live with (and eventually love) him.

Can’t Help Falling In Love by Twenty One Pilots - The cover of the Elvis Presley one because this one is a little more fast paced and that fits Jamilton better.

Sex With A Ghost by Teddy Hyde - Listen, after the duel. Thomas is trying to forget about Alexander but swears he keeps seeing him in the mirror and- hang on a second, where did those hickies come from?

Sweet Hibiscus Tea by Penelope Scott - I get many Jamilton ideas from this song, certain lines. “I am not your protagonist, I’m not even my own,” I’m just saying, I’m feeling some Jamilton in this song.

How To Be A Heartbreaker by MARINA - I can’t believe this wasn’t on the playlist until now! Picture it, Thomas gets rejected (you can decide who rejected him, I like to think it was Angelica, but this also works with him being rejected multiple times) and it hits a little hard. He decides from there on to stick to the heart-breaker role, and do onto others as was done onto him. Hence, leading Alexander on.

Hatef–k by The Bravery - I found this song recently and I fell in love. It’s so damn good, and it fits Jamilton to a T. Enemies to lovers hookup that leads to feelings? Yes.

prom dress by mxmtoon - I’m not sure why I saved this one, it just feels angsty. Alexander’s date ditching him at prom and crying in the bathroom when Thomas walks in, they talk it out and hang out together at prom. Mmm.

Devil Town by Cavetown - “Mom and daddy aren’t in love, that’s fine, I’ll settle for two birthdays” both of them! I really love applying cavetown songs to Thomas (and Alexander)

Choke by I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Jamilton but while they’re still enemies. The song sounds so upbeat but the lyrics are like… homicidal and I think that’s pretty perfect.

Strawberries & Cigarettes by Troye Sivan - Them…….. being cute. I always think that this could be a nice high school AU, with them in senior year.

Can’t Sleep Love by Pentatonix - The two of them kind of start dating, but it’s never official. They can’t seem to sleep without the other being there. The very last “can’t sleep love” is Thomas finally messaging Alexander that he ‘can’t sleep’ and the last “yeah!” is Alexander responding that he’ll come over.

[sweetiejunie]

Confessions

Summary: They both have their own confessions. Beomgyu had secrets. Yeonjun thought he was over you. But was he really?

Genre: fluff, angst

Beomgyu x reader, Yeonjun x reader (decoupling)

—.*•—

A/n: a short oneshot i wrote inspired by my favourite ep of HIMYM

=====================================

You loved yeonjun, you really did. And he loved you. But were you in love? No.

That ship sank a while ago, but you had remained good friends with him and the other boys. You both figured it would be too much of a waste to completely throw away everything you had. And you still enjoyed the others company, who was he to take that away from you. At the start, it was hard. But as time went on, things fell back into place. You had to admit, it was a bittersweet feeling but you were glad you didn’t completely lose him. He was still one of your best friends. Everything went back to how it was before you started dating. Well, almost everything.

When the other boys found out you had broken up, they were devastated, of course. To them you and yeonjun had always been their one true pairing, their OTP, soulmates. The couple they were rooting for to get married. And when you broke up, they were shocked and they were also there to help you through it. Especially beomgyu, he had made it his job to visit you everyday until you were better. Bringing you all kinds of sweets or food that would make you happy. Or bringing you out on fun adventures so you had an excuse to get out of bed when you had spent the whole day crying. All that was just supposed to last for a little while, until you got back on your feet. But even after everything seemed back to normal, beomgyu still found himself at your doorstep whenever he had the chance.

Beomgyu didn’t want to say it, but while he was busy bringing you ice cream and chocolates everyday to cheer you up, he started catching feelings. He loved making you laugh when he saw tears prick your eyes. He loved the way you smiled at his jokes and how they made you feel better. He loved spending time with you, watching whatever movie you wanted and listening to any song you played. At first, he thought he was just being nice, looking out for a friend that was broken. Time went by, and all the more he realised just how much he dreaded the days he couldn’t visit you or the days you didn’t reply to his texts. He realised what he felt was something more than what he felt for a friend. But he couldn’t like you. You were his friend’s ex. He couldn’t break the bro-code.

As the days continued, so did his visits. And everyday, he just felt himself falling deeper and deeper into that hole. But he couldn’t stop himself. Everyday, he saw you smiling when you opened the door for him, a smile that made his heart jump out of his chest. He wanted to grab your hands and hold you close. To call the days you went out together ‘dates’ instead of just friendly hangouts. He wanted to take you on late night drives to the most romantic places he could think of, and have you fall asleep in his arms.

He had fallen fast, and he had fallen hard. He thought he could get over you, to simply forget his feelings existed. But that proved to be much easier said than done. He tried cutting down on the days he saw you, using excuses like he was too busy, or he was too exhausted after practice. It killed him to lie to you. And seeing the sweet responses you gave him to ‘rest well’ and to ‘take care of himself’ wasn’t helping.

Beomgyu couldn’t take it. It’s been months and he felt guilty for hiding his feelings. He knew it was wrong for him fall in love you, but he couldn’t control his emotions. And it was eating him alive. He had to tell someone. And that day after their practice, he decided to tell yeonjun the truth. It was make or break it, but he had to get it out.

He found yeonjun on the couch, using his phone just scrolling through his feed. Beomgyu had gone through what he wanted to say in his head a thousand times, but nothing could prepare him for the real thing. He stood there for a while, looking over the corner at yeonjun, processing how to go about this.

“Stop staring, you look like a stalker,” yeonjun suddenly called out, causing the poor boy to get flustered.

“Hyung,” beomgyu said softly, walking closer to him.

“Beomgyu, something wrong?” Yeonjun asked, sensing something off about his younger’s demeanour.

“I uh, i need to talk to you.”

Yeonjun hummed a response, putting down his phone and turning to look at beomgyu, who stood there, shifting his weight from foot to foot, playing with the edge of his hoodie. He was nervous. Who wouldn’t be? He was about to tell his mate he had fallen head over heels for a girl he used to love.

“So er,” beomgyu started, “i dont know how to tell you this and i know it’s wrong of me to feel like this. But... i think i like y/n.”

There was silence, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. To beomgyu, it felt like it lastest an eternity. And he thought he was about to get punched as he studied yeonjun’s blank face, just staring at him.

“I- i just wanted to tell you cause i felt guilty. I know she’s your ex and all so if u dont feel comfortable with the idea of me being with her, I won’t do it! Ill get ride of my feelings, i promise! I just thought I should let you know-“

“Go for it,” yeonjun smiled, standing up to give beomgyu a pat on the back. “We broke up months ago. We’re just friends now, if you like her, I shouldn’t be the one stopping you. But you better treat her well.”

His words shocked beomgyu, but he was glad to have his blessing. It meant he was over you and beomgyu could feel at ease. He rushed over to your place and confessed everything.

And later that night, yeonjun got an extremely important text.

From beomgyu: Y/n and i are dating!!

.

.

.

In that moment, despite what he had said prior, he felt jealous, annoyed, frustrated. Whatever you want to call it. He tried to convince himself that he was happy for you. No, that he was over you, or so he thought. Seeing you with someone else just made him realised how much he was still actually in love with you.

He would never admit it but a part of him was hopping you would have said no, and send beomgyu home. He was supposed to be your friend, he was supposed to be happy his best friend was happy. He hadn’t noticed it, but when beomgyu returned home that night, yeonjun completely switched off, disregarding any attempts beomgyu made to start a conversation and locking himself in his room.

Yeonjun thought he was okay with you and beomgyu being together but as the days turned to weeks, yeonjun was starting to ignore beomgyu more, barely acknowledging him when he spoke. Yeonjun hated seeing you with him. He wanted you to be happy and he wanted beomgyu to be happy, but not be the reason for each others happiness.

The worse days were when you would surprise beomgyu at the dorm. You would greet them as per usual and run to hug beomgyu. That used to be him. The gifts you used to get for yeonjun, now you got for beomgyu. Your laugh that echoed from beomgyus room used to his favourite sound, but now was the bane of his existence.

The other boys noticed this, but didn’t dare say anything. Until one day, they drew the line. You had came over to the dorm and beomgyu decided to bring you out for a small ice cream date. The rest of them were on the couch in the living room, watching a movie before they saw the two of you giggling as you made your way out. The moment the door closed behind you, yeonjun scoffed.

“What’s up with you? You got a problem with ice cream now?” Kai chuckled.

“Nothing’s up. I just think y/n deserves more than a lame ice cream date. Sure, ice cream is nice and all. But let’s be real, ice cream sucks. Ice cream lies, they keep secrets, and when it comes down to it, they just end up hurting you,” yeonjun responded, his emotions taking over him when he continued. “I- i just can’t believe y/n is going through with the idea of going out wit- for, ice cream.”

The three boys listened attentively, shaking their heads. If it wasn’t obvious enough, yeonjun wasn’t talking about ice cream. They knew they had to put an end to this. It was getting out of hand.

“Okay hyung we have to talk. Room, now,” soobin announced.

“Nice try but no, it’s just going to be 5 minutes of you two sorting out his love life, followed by an hour of you playing mario kart. No way. Hyung, you, me, roof, right now,” standing up, taehyun pushed yeonjun towards the fire escape that had a staircase to the roof.

“But it’s January-“ yeonjun defended.

Ignoring him, taehyun continued pushing him out, “move.”

“Alright, we’re both freezing so cut the crap and just say it,” taehyun said the moment they were on the roof.

“Say what?”

“That you’re unhappy y/n and beomgyu are together!”

Yeonjun was in disbelief at his assumption, “what? No. I’m happy. I encouraged him to go after her.”

“Because you thought you were okay with letting her go! But now that she’s gone, it hurts.”

By that point, yeonjun had been hurt many times in his life. Past relationships, failed auditions, and the list goes on. But when he first saw that text message that you two were together, it hurt just like all the previous times, just times a million.

“No. I’m happy for them,” he argued again.

“Is all you’ll let yourself say out loud. Cause if you said how you actually felt, that would make you the worse person on this roof,” taehyun stated, arms wrapping around himself when a cool breeze past them. “So I’m going to give you an out.”

“And how exactly are you going to do that?” Yeonjun mocked back.

“By saying something worse.”

“Like what?”

Taehyun hesitated, “sometimes, i wish I wasn’t here. Sometimes i wish i could just pack up a bag and leave in the middle of the night and not come back.”

Yeonjun listened as he spoke. The words echoing in his ears as he processed what taehyun meant by them. And as the moment of silence passed, yeonjun confessed.

“Y/n shouldn’t be with beomgyu. She should be with me.”

.

.

.

=====================================

Just something random, something short, something sad. Hope you liked it!

Masterlist

[sarcastic-space-gal]

Dark Past (Part 1)

Summary: Black shirts are supposed to be the most trained and deadly members of the Starfleet. However, they are considered just stories or legends, because no one has ever saw one before. But after John Harrison attacks the London’s Archive, the Enterprise may acquire a new crew member.

Part 2 

Pairing: ?

Word Count: 2k

Warning: Fighting (?)

A/N: Hi everyone! It was a long time since I wrote for Star Trek and I thought this was the time for another story. The pairing is voluntarily mysterious, if you want to guess who will be, send me a message or comment!  Hope you will like it, feedback is always appreciated. Love you all xoxo

The only one or the last one? Everyone who ever looked at you wondered about that every time, whether it was out loud or in their mind, and even he didn’t want to admit it, Kirk did ask to himself the same thing. I mean, seeing a black shirt was rather rare in the Starfleet, many of the crew members around the ships always thought about them as legends or as made up stories used to intimidate the enemies. As the Captain thought, they were probably rumors, just some odd, silly stories told by students in the Academia. Turned out, it was totally untrue.

When Admiral Pike convened all the Captains in order to decide what to do about John Harrison, Kirk couldn’t help but find in Pike’s expression a slight hint of concern: John Harrison was probably more than just a terrorist, what was his real purpose?

Admiral Marcus entered the meeting room “Be seated”

“By now some of you know what happened in London. The target was a Starfleet data archive. Now it’s a damned hole in the ground, 42 men and women are dead”

Silence filled the room.

“One hour ago, I received a message from a Starfleet officer, who confessed to carrying out this attack, that he was being forced to do it by this man, Commander John Harrison. He’s one of our own. And he is the man responsible for this act of savagery.”

“A single man against all Starfleet?”

“That’s what it seems” Marcus responded simply.

“I think we must introduce the black shirt”

After Admiral Pike had spoken everyone in the room started murmuring to each others both in surprise and amusement.

Marcus looked down at the table, hesitant “Are you sure about this?” he asked at Pike.

“Sir, what are you talking about? I thought that black shirts were just a story” a rather young captain said suddenly.

Marcus sighed and looked even more serious “Those stories are true” he said.

Kirk shared a confused look with Spock, who was on the opposite side of the table.

“But we have no time for a campfire story now. Kirk” he glared at him, making the captain’s eyes dart to him “the black shirt will go with you and your crew on the Enterprise, you will track him down and kill him.”

The Enterprise was his again. But something in all the situation just didn’t sound right. An archive? Why bombing an archive? What was his real purpose?

Soon after, Marcus invited him to talk about the matter, seeing him and Pike murmuring frantically.

What happened next was completely unexpected. As soon as Jim explained his concerns about the matter, the room shined in a deep red light as John Harrison appeared in a jumpship and attacked Starfleet Headquarters. It was a bloodshed. Many members of the Senior Council died along with Admiral Pike.

Kirk almost couldn’t believe it when he saw Pike’s limp body on the couch.

After that night Kirk was wracked, emotionally and physically. He knew he had to regain his composure, for him, for his crew, and for Pike: he had to complete the mission.

Admiral Alexander Marcus reinstated Kirk and Spock to Enterprise with orders to kill Harrison using a new long range stealth photon torpedo.

“Jim, I know you are here c’mon!” Kirk heard a far-to-well known voice coming from outside his cabin.

“Bones I told you already, I’m fine!” he said opening the door and quickly heading to the shuttle. The doctor was right after him with medical equipment steady in his hand ready to check on Jim.

“The hell you are” he said but the Captain could see his concern behind the snarky response.

With a heavy sigh he gave his friend a small smile “I’m fine”

Bones didn’t insist this time.

“Everything is ready Spock?”

“Yes Captain, we are ready to reach the Enterprise”

Suddenly a sound of quick footsteps echoed in the hangar as everyone’s attention was brought to Scotty. “Jim a black shirt? Aboard? I heard the others talking about it but I wanted to hear it from you sir” Spock and Kirk shared a look.

“It’s true” Jim said with a small smile. He wasn’t sure what to say, because the pieces of information he had were quite limited, even if he was the captain.

“Well, that’s a surprise” responded Bones folding his arms. The doctor was really curious and even if he would never admit it, he was rather excited. He wasn’t the only one: by the time they were talking, a small group of crew members formed around the Captain, probably out of curiosity. Word travels fast.

“We will all talk about the mission and the new uhm, member of the crew on the Enterprise, for now let’s just get there and gather everything we need”

With a shared sigh of delusion all the crew members who gathered around the captain quickly went to take their seats on the shuttle.

The Enterprise was ready to fly, all the check ups were done. Bones was gathering medical supplies in his studio when the sound of Jim’s voice echoed through the ship’s speakers. A meeting. And everyone knew what was the matter.

“C’mon let’s go and see this mythical creature” he said.

The CMO reached the bridge after few minutes and walked up to Jim and Spock who were talking to Sulu. Jim looked a lot better than few hours ago, as Spock kept his usual quite demeanor, with his hands behind his straight back, but Sulu was hiding a small smile, probably out of excitement.

“So? Where is the legendary black shirt?” the doctor said sarcastically.

“Trust me Bones, I was surprised too”

Sulu nodded “I think we all are, sir”

Suddenly the elevator’s doors opened to reveal a figure who steadily entered the bridge. The room went silent, all the chattering muted almost instantly as if their breaths were caught in their throats.

Adjusting the fabric of your uniform, you entered in the elevator and pushed the button. Your hands went behind your back as you used to do when meeting the Captain or the person in charge. Your eyes closed as you moved your shoulder softly inward and outward a few times, trying to relieve some of the nervousness. The elevator took just few seconds to reach the bridge but they were enough for your mind to drift away. So much time had passed since you joined a normal ship, with normal crew members, but it was quite refreshing you had to admit it. You opened your eyes again and saw your reflection on the glass doors of the elevator. The black fabric of your suit still fitted perfectly, even if you probably didn’t want it to be. This mission was very important and you had to handle it in the best way you could, as a black shirt should do.

With a soft sound the elevator reached its destination and you entered the bridge, feeling all the crew’s eyes on you. Even if you were aware of the fact that black shirts were considered nothing more than stories and jokes, that was probably why everyone’s mouth went shout the moment you entered.

Walking steadily with you arms still behind your back and a severe but calm expression, you approached the captain, who was now watching you attentively as you could attack someone at any moment. The men close to them looked the same way, only the Vulcanian First Officer remained calm, even if you noticed the slight movement of his weird-shaped eyebrow going up in slight surprise.

“Captain Kirk” you said, standing right in front of him “I’m the black shirt assigned to your mission, I’m really glad to be part of the Enterprise’s crew. My name is Y/n”

He looked at you hesitantly “We are happy to have you here, welcome to the crew Y/n” he then said with a small smile.

“Let me introduce you our First Officer, Spock”

“Welcome aboard Lieutenant” he respectfully said with a smile.

“Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, the Chief Medical Officer, Doctor McCoy with his ‘legendary hands’”

The doctor turned his face towards Kirk and muttered “Unbelievable” 

“and Lieutenant Uhura”

You listened carefully and shook their hands, but all the time you felt two pair of eyes  on you, which you didn’t mind it at all. But now you had a mission, you had to keep yourself focused.

“So you exist” a male voice with a thick Russian accent caught your ears. The yellow shirt was a very young man who was looking at you in awe.

“Well,” you started, but Kirk quickly replied.

“I must say, as Mr Chekov has already introduced, that is very surprising, for all of us, to see a black shirt around”

“I understand that, we’re not so popular around”

Everyone had to admit it, your presence was quite intimidating, maybe for the deep color of your suit, but instead your voice was so calm and gentle, and at the same time steady and strong. They all probably expected a massive muscular mountain-looking man with a neutral face probably drooling in rage. Instead here you were, with the calmest voice in the universe and a killer look that rose in your face every time your smile faded. If possible, everyone was even more intrigued and they were all waiting to see you in action.

“Definitely not enough” Mr Chekov said with a small smile on his face.

“Mr Chekov, I think you should get back to the warp core”

“U- yes sir” he said before sprinting out.

You couldn’t hold back a small laugh.

“Well, Y/n, let me explain the mission”

Apparently John Harrison was now on Kronos. Perfect. Klingons. you thought. It didn’t matter what creature you would face, your had to complete this mission. You began gathering all thing you needed, eyes darting around your supplies with determination. When you were finally ready you headed towards the bridge.

Walking around the corridors was amusing: everyone looked at you like they saw a dragon let loose, but you were far too used to it. A long time ago this was normality...

Ten minutes had passed since the ship entered the planet’s atmosphere and even if the area was supposed to be uninhabited, a Klingon ship suddenly appeared in the sky. The captain had tried few quick maneuvers to avoid them but ultimately you found yourselves surrounded and forced to land.

Lieutenant Uhura offered herself to go out and try to talk to them, leaving you, Kirk, Spock and two others crew members aboard ready to take action.

“We should help her”

Spock looked at the captain “I would not recommend that”

Kirk sighed and then turned his head towards you “When was the last time you went on a mission Lieutenant?”

“Surprisingly not so much time ago Captain” you said as your eyes kept staring forward.

Some Klingon soldiers approached Uhura as she started talking to them in their language. Kirk’s hand tightened around the blaster.

Few seconds went by when suddenly the soldier talking to the lieutenant grabbed her neck ferociously, lifting her up.

“NOW” you shouted while exiting the ship as you started shooting at the Klingons. Uhura took advantage of the moment and stabbed the Klingon, who released the grip on her neck with a horrible scream.

Kirk and Spock, along with the others red shirts, followed you out the ship and started shooting too. The captain’s eyes searched for you in the battlefield but you were nowhere to be seen. Furrowing his eyebrows, he had no time to think about that and kept fighting.

All of a sudden, from an unknown position, someone started shooting at the Klingons.

“Where is Y/n? And who is it?” Kirk shouted while leaning on his back as Spock and Uhura approached him. That’s when he saw you, when they all saw you. With extreme agility you were fighting against the soldiers, swinging your legs and shooting, you never missed a shot. You were so skilled that all your movement almost seemed staged, as your eyes darted in every direction, fully focused. When all the Klingons around you were finally down, you looked up and saw a figure, your features darkened in rage. Kirk and the others looked up too and saw the mysterious figure pull off his mask to reveal John Harrison himself.

“John Harrison! You are-” Kirk started, but he couldn’t finish what he was saying because it all happened so fast.

Harrison jumped down from his high position without even flinching and started aiming his weapons, but, much to Kirk’s surprise, he was aiming them at you.

“You” he said in a deep and steady voice. He then dropped the blasters as you did.

Only few meters separated you both, as everything around you went silent for an instant: you stood steadily in front of him with an intense and undefined look on your face.

Kirk, Spock and Uhura shared a quick glance as they all thought the same thing. He knows her? What is happening?

“Khan”

As soon as you responded, you ran to him and started fighting with all your strength, punching, kicking as he did the same. Khan grabbed you neck but with a rapid movement you moved his hand away, pushing his elbow down and then swinging back your leg making him fall to the ground. You had no time to punch him because he had already stood up and punched you in the face. As nothing even had touched you responded striking a hard blow to his chest.

“So you work with them now?”

“Always had, always will” you responded seriously. He then took a gun from his belt and fired at you, hitting you on your shoulder.

“NO!” your crew members shouted, but they were all soon surprised.

You turned again towards Khan, your suit now had a big hole where the shot pierced but you weren’t bleeding, your skin was red but instead the wound was rapidly healing, leaving no trace of the hit.

Kirk watched in utter confusion as Spock and Uhura kept their weapons aimed to Harrison or… Khan.

He saw your skin healing and scoffed a little.

“Like I thought” his low voice pierced you ears. Analyzing the situation he asked one last question “How many torpedoes do you have on the ship?”

“72” Spock said.

You looked at him, your face contorted in rage.

He then looked back at Kirk “I surrender”

[vlovers19]

Hi I don't send asks bcoz my English is not good so bare with me 🤧 but I see lot of Vm shippers thinking Vm's suddenly stopping vlives has something to do with their romantic interest in each other and i was also confused but then I saw this tarot reading i don't believe in these things but it made sense to me u should read it it's on Tumblr search for "bangtan all day" then search "Vmin tarot reading" and it really explains what was going on between vm in 2016/17/18. Btw i luv your blog ❤️😍

First of all, I do not believe in tarot reading and the reason is this. These days, there are a lot of fake people who will mislead others for their own benefit. They will tell you what you want to hear as long as it gets them more views and likes on you tube or on their blog. I have read lots of tarot readings about Bts and the funny thing is that not a single one of them drew the same conclusions. They always have different meanings especially when it comes to shipping.

Take for instance now, you will ask one tarot reader if Taekook is real. They will tell you that they are and that they have been in a relationship for years and have been hiding their feelings from the public. At the same time, ask another reader if jikook is real and they will tell you the same thing that they have been in a relationship for a long time also. Same thing with Yoonmin and other pairings. So what is the truth? There isn't because there are a lot of biasness. People just want to believe what they want to believe so these people tell you what you generally know but will twist it in a way that makes it look believable.

It is very few that might be actually legit but those few come from older more experienced tarot readers. People with many years of experience. Yet even with that, the outcome isn't a hundred percent sure because human beings are very unpredictable.

Ultimately, I do not believe in tarot readings especially when it comes to human emotions. I'd rather take a look at a situation and critically analyse it. I rely a lot on others interactions, my senses and my feelings rather than on what someone else says about a group of people they might not even know. They can say a bunch of things and people will just buy it because they desperately want to believe it. There are so many predictions especially when it comes to shipping.

I just read the post which you where talking about and I'm not really surprised because it's something i had already deduced even without reading a tarot card or something. if you are very observative and you take a look at vmin's relationship, trace their history, you will notice how things gradually changed between them. How there was an awkwardness between them from 2016 till 2018. And then you will ask yourself, why is this friendship of theirs so complicated?

We will roughly examine Vmin's history and check the possibility of them developing feelings for each other. Let me remind you, i mentioned possibility meaning it's not a certainty and so, we'll start from the beginning.

We all know how their friendship began. High school best friends who did everything together. Went to school together. They where basically inseparable. But then, they got into a kpop group with six other boys whom they where already acquainted with.

Where things going to remain the same between these boys? Definitely not. Things where going to change. They where going to find themselves drifting apart from each other whether they wanted to or not.

Taehyung has always been a social butterfly. He likes meeting a lot of people and trying out new things. It was due to this that him and Jimin even became close. For a while, they had each other and probably Jimin was so used to getting Taehyung's attention. In 2014, Taehyung posted a pic holding hands with Jimin. The caption on the picture was let's keep going for a long time, i only have you. If you ask me, these are very strong words. It basically means that no matter what happens, your bond with each other will be unbreakable. You'll be friends for ever. The person whom such promise is made to will never forget it. We are sure Jimin would never forget that. They have both used strong words to describe their relationship with each other.

"You are more than a close friend. You're my savior so you are very precious to me" Jimin 2015

"Jimin gives to me an existence that only a unique best friend can only have. When I'm full of worry, Jimin's answers give me strength. Recently, I was in a song writing trance and talked to Jimin about it for two hours. He's the warmest person I've ever met" Taehyung 2019

But their friendship wasn't perfect. They often fought. Jimin could attest to that. I don't have the clip here but Jimin personally revealed that him and Taehyung had once fought in the park but they eventually made up immediately after because they find it difficult keeping grudges with each other.

Moving forward, 2016 was sort of like the breaking point for BTS. They started to get more recognition with hit songs such as Blood sweat and tears, Fire. Their horizon is broadening. Things where bound to change for all the members of BTS. It was also around 2016 that Taehyung starred in a drama series titled Hwarang. During filming, he developed a very strong friendship with the rest of the cast popularly called Hwarang. Over time, they bonded and Taehyung began to hang out a lot with them.

There is something i want to add here, Jimin no doubt felt jealous during this time not only because Taehyung was hanging out with other people. There was one more important reason why i think he was upset. Now, Jimin had hyped up Taehyung's drama series showing his support for his friend such that there was a time Yoongi even made fun of him because of that only for Taehyung to begin professing love for his Hwarang hyungs.

Jimin and the rest of the members where upset about it but Jimin took it especially hard and Taehyung found it funny at the time. Jimin's anger was the fact that Taehyung always said I love you to the Hwarang members but never to Bts. It probably left him feeling like Taehyung didn't value them as much anymore. Taehyung responded that he felt awkward saying such a thing to Bts because he considers them as his family. Here's an interview vmin had in 2017. If you read the excerpt below, you will find that this indeed caused some of rift in their relationship.

Now, here is where i think something happened. Because Taehyung wanted to try new things didn't mean that he was getting bored of being with Jimin. He had just always been someone with a big heart who loves having a social network around him. Jimin has been well aware of this. He knows what Taehyung is like but then, i guess Jimin started feeling like he had to be a priority in Taehyung's life thus things probably started to happen. Probably, Jimin wanted him to be more affectionate. Taehyung starts getting stuffy due to Jimin's clinginess. They probably argued a lot over this then the push and pull thing started. Taehyung starts getting confused and decides to become independent from Jimin to give himself space from him. Jimin is the type who tries to mantain peace. He might have tried to ignore the tension going on but Taehyung can't do that which causes a strain in their relationship. Why i do believe this might have happened is because these two don't just see each other as only friends. They see each other as being more than that so therefore they take each other very seriously and they would definitely get into lots of arguments when they feel one of them is taking their friendship for granted. You can see this from one of BTS interviews but then again, they where asked this same question some time later. We can see that Vmin's answers are totally different from the previous ones which clearly showed that there was a change in their relationship.

2016 marked a change in vmin where they probably started to realize that their relationship wasn't just the normal one. They had to determine what it was they really wanted. Taehyung was probably more affected by this than Jimin which could be why he was the one who decided to draw a line between them. This had nothing to do with Big hit or the other members. It was just between vmin. Probably, the other members where even unaware of what was going on. I want to add here that Jimin later released his first solo song later that year titled lie and when you listen to the song or listen to the lyrics, you will get the feeling that Jimin was in pain, trying to run away from a never ending cycle of torment brought about by his lies. (I have an analysis of this one). Spring day was released around this time also and i also have a feeling it involved vmin. I think the death of Taehyung's grandmother sort of recovered their bond. Jimin was really a comfort to Taehyung at this time.

2017 seemed a better year for them. Though the group started getting busier and more popular, you would notice a change in the relationship between vmin. They started getting more expressive in their feelings. The hand holding, the I love you handsigns began. The hugs and clinginess. Take a good look at vmin isac in 2017 and you will understand what i mean. Totally different from their past behaviors in previous isac.

They obviously patched things up between themselves. Their relationship improved for a while. but the vlives and the selcas stopped. They also started doing independent things, having their separate group of friends.

There was still a boundary between them. However, it was also at this time that they started to release songs. Taehyung began with his song 4: o'clock which he released with RM and that song was inspired by a feeling Taehyung had when he was waiting for Jimin at a park. Serendipity could be about vmin but it wasn't a song Jimin wrote by himself which is why i'm a bit confused about it but there was some element of his own emotions inside. However, when the music video got released, i was a bit convinced that the song had something to do with the relationship between vmin (i also have my own analysis about this) It was at this time that they took up the representation of sun and Moon as depicted in DNA, serendipity by Jimin, singularity by Taehyung. Let's not forget Taehyung's bon voyage letter to Jimin and how he cried so much signifying that they had both gone through a lot in their friendship. Jimin's response to it clarifies the whole thing, even when he added that no one else not even the members would understand why Taehyung cried except for him or how Jimin himself felt after reading Taehyung's letter. The trip helped them to understand their feelings for each other. Pretty deep if you ask me. Watch the video for your self and you'll understand what I'm getting at.

However, 2018 was where a big challenge set in. Their popularity skyrocketed to the max. All eyes where on the group both locally and internationally. They all started to get more and more separated from each other. Their private lives was intruded upon especially due to their documentary burn the stage: the movie where they had to constantly be recorded. They also started to have separate rooms whenever they lodged into hotels. I guess it was at this time they all started having their separate apartments. They weren't together all the time like before. Much was demanded from this group and this affected Jimin a lot because he talked about the feeling of loneliness he was experiencing at that time and Jimin isn't someone who can stay alone. According to him, he couldn't rely on the other members because they too where going through the same thing he was going through. It was also at this time Jimin started to write his own song promise. It was the first song he had personally written. He revealed that the song was about himself but there where clearly two characters in that song. Jimin and an unknown person.

No one would have thought that the group was considering disbanding at that time. It wasn't until 2019 when receiving their dasaeng that Jin revealed this secret. We can only imagine how bad things where for them to consider disbanding. It was also at this time that Taehyung's grandfather died and it was also here that we see the closeness and bond between Jimin and Taehyung especially during bon voyage Malta where Jimin did everything he could to comfort Taehyung. I think the death of Taehyung's grandfather sort of restored their bond. Jimin was still writing promise around that time. When the song released, he revealed that at first, the song was a dark song but later, he found it difficult to complete it because things started to get better in the group. Are we starting to see the pattern?

On October, Taehyung revealed the Christmas song he had wanted to release with Jimin but which was eventually rejected due to the lyrics. Things had improved so well between them that Taehyung wanted to sing a song with Jimin and when he couldn't do that, he couldn't help unburdening his anguish with Army. He was clearly upset about it.

Jimin released promise as a free song on sound cloud meaning it was a song he sang from the heart. It wasn't for his personal gain. What was strange was that Jimin released promise on December 31st Taehyung's birthday. He released it exactly after midnight and guess who took the pictures for promise cover. Taehyung himself. Are we still seeing the pattern? Exactly one month later, Taehyung released his own solo titled Scenery on January 31st and on listening to the lyrics one will get the indication like he's trying to woo someone. Jimin was particularly hyped about the song that he accidentally spilled about it even before it's release. On August 2019, Taehyung also released his song winter bear. Plenty of indications also point that the song is about Jimin.

Anyway, 2016 till 2018 was a challenging time not only for Vmin but for the rest of the members but it was a challenge that was necessary to create a better bond between Vmin as we can clearly see in 2019 and even from the beginning of this year. The love and affection between vmin is obvious. There are still challenges but i think they have learned over time on how to deal with their differences. Like I've said before, I do not believe that they're dating but they know how they feel about each other. They are aware of that but there are priorities and it's just going to be weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved if they give in to such feelings.

This is just my own speculations concerning the relationship between vmin. I don't need a tarot reading to clarify this much. Though, it's only a speculation, we have to admit that it sort of adds up. This is only a general take on my opinion concerning Vmin and the possibility of a relationship between them so it's not really an analysis. Anyway i enjoyed writing this and if you're interested in hearing my thoughts on vmin, do let me know and thank you so much for liking my blog.

[gewmme]

The Little Ensign - Part 3 (DataxOC)

She had been on board for a total of 8 hours, and while she felt a little bit better about everything, she still hated it here. She waited on the bed as Doctor Crusher finished up her physical. She never was a big fan of doctors, but found that she didn't mind Doctor Crusher as much as she did others. "You're all set Ensign James." The voice of said doctor snapped her out of her thoughts. "Thanks Doctor." She flashed a slight smile as she stood up from the bed.

What now? She wondered as she exited the sickbay. She still didn't know where anything was so there wasn't any point in trying to get somewhere specific. Might as well just wander around, her first shift didn't start until 0800 tomorrow and it was only about 1400 at the moment.

So wander she did, she spent a good hour looking around and poking her head into different rooms before she finally stumbled upon a rather lively looking place. It seemed to be a recreational room of some sort. She wandered over to the bar and sat down, where she was met by a kind looking woman with an interesting hat.

"I haven't seen you here before." She paused to glance at the Ensign's uniform "Are you with the new staff?" Her calm, soothing voice spoke through the noisy conversations of the other crewmates. The younger girl simply responded with a curt nod. "I'm Guinan, what's your name kid?" The woman asked, the corners of her lips turning up into a faint smile. "I'm Kasey." She answered, fidgeting her thumbs.   "Well then Kasey, can I get you anything to drink?" Guinan offered, an eyebrow raised. The younger woman shook her head in reply. "No thank you."

The young Ensign sat in silence, thinking over the prior events of the day. How embarrassing, honestly, who gets lost on their first day? She's supposed to be a genius and she can't even find the sickbay, jeez what a--

She was pulled from her thinking by a familiar voice. "Ensign, pardon me if this is a personal question, but how old are you?" Guinan was now back to her spot across from Kasey, raising both eyebrows as she inquired. "I'm fourteen years, three months, six days, thirteen hours and twenty-something minutes old." The blonde stated dryly, pressing her lips into a thin line. Of course she'd ask that, someone was bound to eventually. "Fourteen? My, that's quite young to be an Ensign. Tell me, how did you manage that?" The older woman smiled as she leaned closer to listen.

Meanwhile, down in Engineering, Data found himself thinking of the young girl. He had been quite intrigued by her and his mind kept wandering back to what she had said. 'Maybe you're just a lot more human than I expected.' That's what she had told him, perhaps his efforts to be more human have been paying off? He should probably get Geordi's opinion on the matter.

"Data, are you alright? You look a little out of it." Came the voice of the Chief Engineer in question, snapping him out of his thoughts. "I believe I am functioning within normal perimeters Geordi. However, I do find myself to be somewhat distracted." At this, Geordi snapped his head up to look at him. "Distracted? By what, Data?"  "I have found myself analyzing an earlier interaction with a crewmate."  This caused Geordi to raise an eyebrow before questioning him further. "Which crewmate?"   The android quirked his head to the side before answering. "I am unsure of her name, but she is the directionally challenged Ensign who got lost on her way to sickbay earlier. I find her to be quite intriguing."  

"So what is it that happened that you keep thinking about Data?"  "She told me that I am 'more human than she expected'. This has caused me to hypothesize that perhaps my endeavors to become more human have been effective." Geordi chuckled, a smile gracing his lips. "Well Data, I think you're right, you're always getting more human each day."  Data processed this for a moment before quirking the corner of his lip into a slight smile.

"And then I got assigned to The Enterprise and that's how I got here." Kasey finished, recounting the last of her story to Guinan. "Wow, that's quite the experience." She smiled, raising her eyebrows briefly. "Kasey, have you met with the ship's counselor yet?" "I didn't know there was a counselor." The Ensign raised an eyebrow. "Well there is, she's right over there." Guinan paused to point at a pretty, young woman with black curly hair.  "Her name is Deanna Troi, why don't you go on over and say hello?" She gestured for Kasey to go talk to her.

The blonde cautiously made her way over to where the counselor was sitting. "Hi, I'm Ensign Kasey James, you're the ship's counselor right?" She introduced herself, awkwardly fidgeting with her thumbs. The woman smiled. "Yes, I'm counselor Troi, please have a seat Ensign."        She mumbled a soft thanks before sitting down across from the counselor. "How are you liking the Enterprise so far, Ensign?"  "I uh, It's um— It's nice." Kasey managed a stuttered reply, cursing inwardly. 'It's nice'!? What a dim-witted reply, it's no wonder people don't think you're grown up enough to be here.  "I can sense your anxieties Ensign." The counselor smiled softly. "Is there something in particular that you want to talk about?"  "Well.." She let out a sigh. "There is one thing, but it's not really important. It's silly really."   "If it's bothering you Ensign, then I don't think it's silly."  

The Ensign bit her lip slightly, sighing. "I mean, I guess I just sort of feel like I don't belong here."  "How come?"    "I don't know... I mean, I'm just a kid. Am I really good enough to be an engineer on a starship?" She paused a moment, a frown on her features. "I hear some of the other crew whispering about me sometimes. About how I couldn't possibly be smart enough to be here at my age, and that I probably bribed my way here." She finished, pressing her lips into a thin line. "Well Ensign, the fact that you're here proves that you're plenty smart enough. And I'm sure you wouldn't be able to bribe your way into the Enterprise even if you tried." The counselor chuckled. "My advice is to try your best to ignore their whispers for now and prove them wrong through your actions, show them that you're smart enough to help get this ship through her worst of times. And Ensign, age does not equal knowledge." The counselor concluded, a delicate smile gracing her lips.

Kasey smiled, an awkward, but genuine smile. "Thank you counselor Troi, that actually really helps a lot." She smiled back. "I'm glad I could help Ensign." The counselor looked at her watch for a moment. "It's been a pleasure meeting you Kasey, but I'm afraid I have an appointment in just a few minutes." She chuckled, standing to leave.   "Of course, it was a pleasure to meet you as well counselor." The blonde nodded in response.

After the counselor left, Kasey stood, wandering back to her place at the bar. "How did it go?" A familiar voice spoke, causing the Ensign to look up from the counter. "It went surprisingly well, I feel a bit better about everything now." Guinan smiled. "I'm glad to hear that. Can I get you anything Kasey?" A thoughtful look washed over the girl in question, as if she was debating something.  After a moments thought she came to a conclusion. "Um chocolate milk please." she mumbled bashfully, a delicate, rosy blush painting her cheeks. This caused the older woman to chuckle before going to retrieve a chocolate milk.

Geordi and Data arrived at Ten Forward, chatting about the day's earlier events. Geordi scanned the room, only half listening to Data's babbling, when he spotted Kasey at the bar. "Data, look, It's that 'directionally challenged Ensign' you were talking about earlier." He gestured in her direction, causing Data to turn his attention to the girl in question. "Why don't we go on over and say hello? It's her first day so she probably hasn't met many people yet." Data simply nodded in agreement, following Geordi to the bar where the Ensign was.

Kasey was cheerfully chatting away with Guinan, a pleasant contrast to her earlier bad mood, when Geordi and Data approached the bar, sitting on either side of her. Kasey managed a quick glance to both of them while Guinan greeted them. She had smiled at them fondly, she seemed to know them pretty well. Maybe they come here often, Kasey pondered to herself, sipping on her chocolate milk.

Geordi nudged the Ensign gently. "I don't think we've formally introduced ourselves, I'm Geordi La Forge and this is Data." He smiled. Kasey glanced at the two of them again, remembering the incident from earlier. She gave an awkward chuckle. "I'm Kasey It's uh nice to meet you." The Ensign fidgeted with her thumbs, wanting nothing more than to get away from this awkward interaction. "So Ensign, I'm surprised you managed to find your way to Ten-Forward, how did you do it?" He smirked, chuckling. Kasey pressed her lips into a thin line. "I was just wandering, I didn't even know this place existed." She remarked dryly. She was getting more exasperated with the Chief Engineer with each passing second.

"Now now, don't pick on Kasey." Guinan placed Geordi's drink in front of him. "She's only been here for half a day, you wouldn't want her to put in a transfer request already, would you?" The woman chuckled, leaning on the bar counter. "Oh alright Guinan, I'll play nice." Geordi snickered, taking a sip of his drink. "Do you want another drink Kasey?" Guinan asked the Ensign who was now toying with the straw in her empty chocolate milk glass. Kasey looked up from her glass, mumbling a soft 'yes please'. The woman smiled at her timidity, heading over to the replicator to get another glass of chocolate milk.

Half an hour passed, along with several failed attempts from Geordi to start a conversation.

("So Ensign, how old are you?" "14." -- "How did you manage to get to be an engineer that young?" "long story, maybe i'll tell you someday" -- "Geordi i do not believe the Ensign wants to talk" "wow Data what would possibly make u say that its not like shes been shooting down my attempts to make smalltalk" "but Geordi??? That is literally exactly what she is doing???")

"Ensign, are we making you uncomfortable?" Data finally spoke up, raising an eyebrow. Kasey turned her head to Data. "Honestly? Yeah, but I've been uncomfortable almost the entire time I've been here." She took a long sip of her chocolate milk. "Would you prefer if Geordi and I left you alone?" The android tilted his head. "Yes but like, it's fine. I have to get used to being around my coworkers sooner or later." The Ensign sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Geordi raised a brow. "So does this mean you're gonna tell us how you got here?" He smirked. "I too would like to know." Data looked at her curiously. Kasey rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Fine." She sighed, beginning her tale of how she came to be here.

Hours passed. Kasey finished her story, They all talked for a while, Geordi left to get some sleep, and Data rambled on about something technical, as Kasey listened intently.

Kasey stood up from her seat, only to stretch her legs, as Data finished his ramble. "Ensign?" The android quirked his head to the side. "May I ask you a question?" "Sure, ask away." The Ensign leaned on the bar counter as she stood. "I have been thinking about what you said earlier, that I am 'more human than you had expected'." He paused for a moment, as if he was thinking of the right words to say next. "What is it that you were anticipating?"

"Well, when I think of androids, I think of like a robotic person that just does what people tells it to, can't think for itself, and doesn't feel anything." Data furrowed his brows, looking almost confused. "Fascinating." He whispered. "How is it that I do not fit those criteria?" The Ensign's eyebrows raised in shock. "You're kidding right?" She took a long sip of her 5th chocolate milk of the night before preparing to answer. "Well for one, you look very human. I did think you looked a bit pale but like, It's just your skin tone, people have been pale before so I just thought maybe you didn't get a lot of sun." The android listened curiously as she spoke. "Secondly, you can clearly think for yourself, nobody told to you think about what I said earlier, but you did anyway." She paused for another sip of chocolate milk. "Thirdly, It's pretty clear to me that you feel things."

Data quirked his head to the side. "But Ensign, I do not have feelings or emotions, it is not in my programming."

"What makes you say that?"

"I am unable to process such things as humans do." Kasey raised a brow as she sat back on the stool. "Well I agree with you on that note." This caused Data to furrow his brow. "Is that not contradictory to your earlier statement??" Kasey chuckled, shaking her head. "No, you see, I said you feel things, you said you don't feel things 'as humans do'. And as much as quite a few humans would hate to admit it, 'as humans do' is not the only way to experience or do something." She paused for a brief moment. "It seems to me that you process them in your own way." Data took a moment to think about this. "I still do not fully understand, what is it that causes you to believe this?" "Think of it this way sir, you enjoy the company of your friends, don't you?" He nodded, seemingly unsure of where she was going with this. "I'm no psychologist, but the way I see it, enjoying the company of a friend ultimately stems from liking that person, in a friendly manner of course, which I believe stems from a positive feeling associated with that person. However, I could be wrong, it just seems to me that if you were truly emotionless, you wouldn't be capable of enjoying the friendships you have." She finished, leaving a rather perplexed Data to process this.

"Fascinating." Data whispered, causing Kasey to smile slightly as she sipped on her chocolate milk.

It was silent for a while, but soon enough Data started rambling again. Kasey smiled, listening as he went on and on about something completely random.

An hour passed, Data was still rambling about who knows what and Kasey was standing again, leaning on the bar counter. Data paused his babbling, noting the time. "Ensign, it is 0100 hours, are you not tired?" "0100 hours? It's really that late?" The Ensign rubbed her eyes, stifling a yawn. "Perhaps you should retire to your quarters and rest."  "If I don't get lost first, that is." She snickered. Data stood, taking her by the sleeve. "I will escort you there so you do not get lost." "Oh- um I- Thanks." Kasey mumbled, her awkwardness resurfacing for a brief moment.

The two of them left Ten-Forward, Data holding Kasey by the sleeve, as they found their way to her quarters.

Data let go of her sleeve as they arrived. The Ensign sleepily punched in the code to her room. "G'night sir." She mumbled through a yawn. "Goodnight Ensign." The android's lips quirked up into a very slight smile as he went to go back to his own quarters.

Kasey closed the door behind her before wrestling her shoes off and collapsing clumsily onto her bed. She actually had a pretty good time talking with her senior officers, even if La Forge did bring up that whole getting lost incident from earlier.

One thought crossed her mind as she laid in her bed, just before she fell asleep.

She had only been here for 19 hours. But maybe, just maybe — she didn't quite hate it here anymore.

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

park troubles

A/N: so I’ve never done hc’s before so I hope I’m doing this right haha. Anyways I do not see enough love for this ship so I decided to write some myself haha. So yeah please me know what you though! also If you have any requests feel free to request! Oops, this was a long note lol. Also I have no idea how to choose a good title lol. 

Summary: Stan, Bill and Richie have been dating for 3 years ( they’re in college). One day a guy from Richie’s drama class kisses him and even though Richie pushes him away he feels awful and is scared that if his boyfriends are gonna find out, they’ll leave him. 

- So though Richie, Stan and Bill go to the same college they only share one class together 

- they share English 

- Richie is a drama major, Stan is a marketing major and Bill is a literature major 

- One day there’s a new kid in Richie’s drama class 

- his name is Thomas and he has blond hair and is fairly tall. He also has a charm about him and he gets along with most kids in his class. 

- He sits next to Richie on his first day and they start talking and they get along great. 

- And Richie is happy because aside from the losers he doesn’t have that many friends. Like don’t get me wrong he is acquaintances with a lot of people but he isn’t really friends friends with somebody outside of the loser club. So this new kid constantly sitting next to him in class and making jokes with him is amazing. 

- He tells Stan and Bill about Thomas and they’re happy about it too. They just want Richie to be happy. 

- They also never get jealous. They trust each other to know that they would never cheat

- So 3 months after Richie and Thomas meet the class gets assigned an assignment which they have to work on in groups. Thomas instantly asks Richie to work with him. 

- Richie is so down and they decide to go to the park because it’s an assignment for drama and they need to practice a play.

- Stan and Bill walk with Richie to the park because school is hectic and they didn’t have much time for one another so they spend as much time together as they possible can. They wait with Richie and when Thomas comes they both kiss him and wish him good luck on the assignment. 

- They say Hi to Thomas too but he doesn’t respond outside a small hum. 

- Bill and Stan kinda frown at this but decide to shrug it off because he’s Richie’s friend and maybe he’s just having a bad day.

- The entire school kinda knows the three of them are together but it isn’t really talked about much. It’s just accepted and nobody bats an eye anymore when Richie walks down the corridor and yells ‘where’s my two boyfriends? I need kisses’ 

- they never outright said they were together to the school though and Richie didn’t really outright tell Thomas either, but he did tell him story’s about date nights and cute presents they give each other 

- Anyways back to the park 

- So now Richie and Thomas are alone and they’re working on their play and everything is fine and the work is getting along great so they decide to take a break and they go grab a drink. 

- And they’re talking again and Thomas asked when he got together with Stan and Bill 

- Richie gets all heart eyes and he get’s into a really detailed story of how they have been friends since they were preschoolers and how Stan kissed Bill and Bill told him he couldn’t just be with Stan cause he liked Richie too. 

- And Thomas just nods and when Richie is done he just says: ‘but isn’t it weird? like how can you all love each other equally? Don’t you ever feel left out cause Stan and Bill really seem to particularly like each other”. 

- Richie is taking aback by this but he chooses not to respond and goes back to the assignment. 

- He’s hurt though, but he doesn't show it. He doesn’t want to lose his friend, so he just writes it off as Thomas not really understanding the relationship. Not him being rude. Plus he knows for a fact that Bill and Stan love him equally. 

- He kinda forgets about the comment until the project is done. And he’s getting his stuff ready to leave. He is supposed to meet up with Stan and Bill at the library where they would be studying, and together they would go to quarry to hang out with the rest of the losers.

- But all of a sudden Thomas gets really close in his face 

- Richie takes a step back but Thomas just follows. This goes on until Richie can’t back up anymore because he’s pressed back against the park bench. Richie is laughing nervously. 

- ”What are you doing”? Richie asks awkwardly 

- Thomas doesn’t reply but does shuss him. 

- ‘I’m gonna show you what it feels like to have a normal relationship’ 

- and then he kisses Richie 

- For 1,5 seconds Richie does nothing because he is shocked by Thomas words and the fact that he is kissing him even though he knows Richie has two amazing boyfriends. 

- But then he’s frantically pushing him away and shouting at Thomas 

- “why the fuck would you do that? You know I love Stan and Bill”. 

- Thomas kinda smirks and for the first since IT happened 10 years again Richie feels legitimate fear and dread. 

- Thomas shrugs his shoulders and tell him that he had a bet with Bowers to kiss Richie. 

- Richie feels like crying but he doesn’t want Thomas to get the pleasure of seeing that. 

- ‘Let’s see if your boyfriends still love you after they find out about this’ 

- And Richie feels with a startle that Thomas is right, even though he pushed him away he still kissed another boy, and now he can’t stop the tears because he loves Stan and Bill so much and he can’t stand the though of losing them. 

- Thomas laughs and then comes up with an idea. 

- He puts his arm around Richie even though Richie flinches back he doesn’t relent. 

- ‘hey, it’s okay. If you do whatever I say they will never find out’ 

- Richie would never lie to his boyfriends and he feels horrible for doing it now but he just can’t see another way. 

- So he agrees 

- doing ‘whatever he asks’ consist of doing his homework and giving him lunch money and stuff 

- and Richie runs home because he can’t stand the though of hanging out with Stan or Bill or really any of the losers. 

- He forgot though that to get to his house he needs to pass Eddie’s and the two cross paths. 

- Look Bill and Stan may be his boyfriends but Eddie is still his best friend (even though Bill and Stan are a close second)

- Eddie sees Richie crying and runs over to him. He grabs Richie’s face softly and starts wiping his tears away, and he asks what’s wrong

- Richie really wants to tell him, like really really, but he’s terrified of what Eddie is going to say, how he’s gonna look at Richie (even though Eddie would love him no mather what).  

- So he shakes his head and tells Eddie that he needs to go home and that he isn’t going to the quarry that day. 

- And then he runs to his house 

- Eddie is so confused and he want to help Richie, but he figures that he should best ask Stan and Bill and see what they know. 

- When Eddie get’s to the quarry he can hear Bill’s agitated voice say: 

- ‘h-h-he didn’t e-even show u-up. He wa-as supposed to meet us at the libr-rary’

- And Eddie gets even more confused bc don’t Bill and Stan know what’s going on with Richie? 

- So he gets there and tells all their friends what happened and that he saw Richie crying and saying that he wasn’t hanging out with them. 

- Stan and Bill’s faces are enough indication that they don’t know what’s going either. 

- Stan and Bill proceed to leave straight away and go to Richie’s house, where Richie is still sobbing his heart out. 

- And Stan throws a rock to his window. 

-Richie know straight away that it’s his boyfriends because one: he knew Eddie would tell them what he saw. And two they’re the only one who throw rocks at his window. Eddie always climbs it when he want to talk and none of the other losers come to his window 

- so he stands up and walks to his window, but he makes sure he remains out of sight so they don’t see them. 

-Stan and Bill see movement so Stan goes: ‘Rich baby are you okay?’ 

- And it makes Richie cry even harder, because Stan only calls him baby when he’s trying to comfort Richie. (Bill calls him sweetheart when he’s upset) 

- but he tries to clear his throat and yells back that he’s just sick and he’ll hang out with them tomorrow. 

- But Bill and Stan don’t believe him for one second. 

- ‘pl-lease sweetheart, w-we just wan-nt to hel-l-lp’ 

- So Richie goes downstairs and opens the door. Bill and Stan are fussing over him the moment he opens the door. Running their hands all over him, asking him what’s wrong. Bill kisses his cheeks while Stan pushes them up to Richie’s room. 

- They all lay in Richie’s bed and he nearly tells his boyfriends everything but then Stan kisses his forehead and Bill runs his hand through his hair and he just can’t 

- Richie just tells them he doesn’t want to talk about it 

- and even though Bill and Stan want to push they’re already happy that Richie let them in, so they decide to drop it... for now 

- For the next two weeks Richie starts pulling away from his boyfriends even more. 

-It’s in the small stuff. Like he won’t always eat lunch with the losers anymore. In English, when they have a project they have to do in groups of two, Richie goes to someone else, even though Stan, Bill and Richie have a system. (one time Stan and bill will work together, the other time Richie and Bill) and it was supposed to be Richie and Bill’s turn

- Stan and Bill get so frustrated because it seems like the more they try to talk to Richie, the more he pulls away. It’s exhausting and they just want their cute trashmounth, clingy boyfriend back. 

-Which is another thing, he barely talks anymore. His isn’t loud anymore, always quite and he barely makes jokes anymore 

- One day about three weeks after the park incident Stan is sick of it and he decides that he is done being nice about it. 

- He is about to talk some sense into Richie. He doesn’t really tell Bill because he knows Bill won’t approve of his tactic. But he’s just at his wits end. 

- Turns out, Bill had the same idea. 

- Richie is supposed to be in drama class, but he’s been skipping that class ever since Thomas kissed him. 

- He always goes to the bleachers to smoke and calm down for a bit. 

- But this time Thomas comes to find him. 

- ‘here you are Rich, I was looking for you’. 

- Richie cringes because only his friends get to call him Rich. But he doesn’t say anything

- That pisses Thomas off though. So much so that he pushes Richie into the bleachers. 

- ‘You should consider fixing that attitude you little bitch, before I tell you precious boyfriends what happened. You wouldn’t want that to happen huh? Don’t want them to leave you because you’re such a fuck up I felt bad for you and kissed you’? 

- He raises his fist to punch Richie because Richie is so stricken with fear he doesn't say anything. 

- Before Thomas can do anything an another hand grips him tightly and pushes him back. 

- Richie looks up and promptly starts crying because Stan is there, and he missed his boyfriend so much but he also knows that there is no way Stan didn’t hear Thomas speaking so know Stan and Bill are gonna break up with him and the losers are gonna be so mad at him and he’s not gonna have anyone anymore and he can’t stand that thought..

- And then two soft hand are gripping his cheeks, Bill. Bill guides Richie’s head so Richie and him are making eye contact. 

-’breat-th Rich, come on’. 

- Richie looks behind Bill and sees Stan yelling at a scared looking Thomas. He can only hears small bits though. It feels like he’s underwater. 

- ‘how fucking dare you... You’re lucky he needs us right now, I would kill you otherwise... You come close to him ever again you’ll regret it’.

- Richie’s breathing is evening out but he squeezes his eyes shut and the tears start streaming. 

- Bill’s wiping them away though. 

- Then Stan come sit next to them and Richie’s opens his eyes. 

- Stan lifts his hand to stroke Richie’s hair but Richie thinks he’s about to get slapped because he feels like he deserves it, so he flinches. 

- Stan pulls his hand away in an instant. 

- ‘Rich baby, you know me and Billy aren’t mad right? We love you, we would never hurt you”. 

- They don’t know the full story, but both of them heard Thomas plus they saw Richie being so upset and they trust Richie with their life, so they know that whatever happened wasn’t Richie’s fault. 

- Richie just cries harder and puts his head in Stan’s neck, hiding his face there. Bill nestles him into Richie’s other side running his hand on Richie’s back, while Stan brushes his hair back.

- When they finally go home (they choose Stan’s house), Richie’s tells them everything. Both of them are furious but they wait until Richie is nestled in Stan’s bed enfolded in Stan and Bill. 

- When Richie is deep asleep Bill and Stan call the other losers and tell them what happened. 

- And if the next day Thomas’s locker is filled with balloons full of paint and his car windows are smashed in then none of the losers know what happened.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Another set of responding to asks lol.. As usual I have them numbered and will also write out the ask in the text, especially since the screencaps are all blurry and taken at various times/compiled together badly and probably hard to read ghghhggh..... answers under the read more ~ 

-------------------------

1. "Hi I don't mean to bother you at all, but I was wondering where you get your rocking horse shoes? (I think thats what they're called) I've been looking everywhere and I can't seem to find any :(( "

I don’t entirely remember, since I got them like 6 or 7 years ago.. I think maybe at some point that place ‘bodyline’ or something had some cheap ones? But I don’t see them on the site anymore, they were like $50 or $60. Now when I google it I can only find these insane like $600 ones from vivian westwood or whoever, or ones that are platform shoes but not necessarily the same type. Maybe you could find some on aliexpress or ebay or something? Usually you have to use weirdly specific search terms and look for a while, but you can often find stuff like that on those sites. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help!!! 

2. "I've been sick for over a month and my doctor tested me - everything came back fine. After some discussion it appears that my ptsd symptoms came back and the stress on my body is making me fatigued, sick and dizzy. I don't want to say that this could be similar to you situation, but if you have a therapist or someone to talk to about any stresses/your sickness, it might help relieve the pressure a bit. Good luck, I'm so sorry you feel so unwell"

Thank you for sharing! Yeah, I think stress definitely plays a part in why I feel sick so often. Currently I’m not still having the same problem I was having a few months ago when you sent this, so that’s good at least!! 

3. “Hi! Do you plan to ever have more sculptures for sale? Or would you do commissions? I haven't seen any in a while but wanted to buy one! :-O”

I have plenty that I want to sell, I guess it’s just hard for me to get set up. Since so much of the reason I procrastinate selling stuff is because I hate the stress of deciding on a price, I’ve thought for a while now that maybe I can just auction them (so I just set a base price, but people bid whatever they feel is fair and I don’t have to decide myself). But I’m just not sure of a good way to do that.. Ebay has auctions, but I don’t want random strangers buying them, I’d rather stick to just the pool of people who follow my art blog and are already familiar with my sculptures or etc. I could do them on here ?? (like, ‘reply to this post to bid, bids close 8am EST, whoever said the highest number sends the money through paypal and then I send the sculpture’ sort of thing???)   But I’m not sure if it’s legal to sell stuff through tumblr, or if there could be any other problems with doing it so ‘unofficially’ like that.. I don’t know, I have a vague idea, I’m just having trouble deciding the best way to set up something! I do want to sell some soon though, if I live through the pandemic and anything ever goes back to normal, of course (I wouldn’t want to be having to leave the house to ship stuff in the mail right now). 

As for commissions, I have actually done sculpture commissions for friends a few times, so I feel confident-ish that I’d be able to do something like that, but I also wouldn’t want to get overwhelmed since it takes a lot of work. Custom sculptures may also be more expensive, and again.. I always feel guilty and strange about pricing. I’ve thought about doing very limited sculpture commissions though (like, maybe just one at a time, first come first serve or something..?). If it seems like there’s actual interest in that sort of thing, I could definitely consider doing it in the future! 

4. " *picks up that smol blue kid and throws them across the room* "

ghgh .. the smallness is an advantage... they could just skitter back down your arm like a tiny squirrel the second you tried to pick them up.. Ythrili survival strategy is to be too small to catch in the first place 

(also forgive every sketch in this post, my screen that you can draw on broke, so I’m either drawing stuff in ms paint with a mouse, or drawing stuff on paper and coloring it in firealpaca also with a mouse ghghh.. not going to look Good)

5. "it sounds like you feel pressure to only post good content on the internet, and so you end up psyching yourself out of posting at all. Am I on the right track? "

Not necessarily, like I mentioned in the tags I think it’s more just that everything is complicated by my brain. I can’t just do something effortlessly. Whether it’s for an audience or not, I get caught up on every little detail and adding so much complexity to everything that all tasks take me longer than they take other people lol. I think I just tend to take everything very seriously?? 

Like for example, I’m often accused of ‘turning things into a discussion’ when someone was just intending to make an off-handed remark, because if someone is bringing up a topic to discuss, I end up engaging with it 100% and putting full effort into it, and it’s hard for me to be ‘’casual’’ about pretty much anything (so if someone was like ‘My day yesterday was a bit weird’ I wouldn’t be able to just respond ‘aw man, that sucks’, I would just be like ‘Weird how? what happened? what made it weird? Are you okay now? Are things still weird? Have you found a solution?’ etc. etc.). I was also bad at essays/open answer questions in school (despite usually being great at the class otherwise), because no matter how hard I tried to filter my speech and cut things out, I was always far too long-winded  and would get almost too engaged with the topic and lose the clear cut thought organization and focus that you’re supposed to have I guess. Even like, playing video games or something that’s supposed to be relaxing, I can’t just ‘jump into them’ and do whatever, usually any game I play (large ones at least, small 25 minute  point and click adventure games don’t count of course), I have 7 - 10 pages of notes, do hours of research, look up most of the main spoilers, plan out and organize exactly how I’m going to play it and this and that, etc. lol... 

So, that personality trait carries over into posting things online as well, I can’t just type something out quickly and hit ‘post’ without a second thought. Social media is hard for me because you’re supposed to use it casually, but I spend a long time re-reading drafted posts, thinking about them, etc. etc., and end up never actually getting around to posting anything. It’s not that I’m perfectionist about it and want it to be ‘good’ or appear a certain way, it’s just that my mind becomes preoccupied with things I guess.  I’m a natural information gatherer, part of my natural way of processing things is to learn everything possible before acting, and I want to make sure I’ve fully thought about everything always, and know as much as I can (so I wouldn’t want to publicly say something without giving it a lot of consideration first, or post a picture without really thinking about if I want to post it, what my reasons behind posting it are (like if I’m posting something just for a validation of a certain aspect of myself VS. genuinely because I like it, etc.), if a few months from now I’ll still like that I posted it, etc. lol.. even with like silly cat photos or something, I have to analyze it and be like ‘hmm.. will I still stand by this picture in 4 months? why am I posting it publicly vs, just keeping it privately to myself on my computer? what’s important about it?’ etc. etc. ghgjhgjh.. like.. shut up lol.)

ANYWAY, yeah, I don’t know if it’s about wanting online content to be “good”, as much as it’s just like... I take everything way too seriously and am detail-oriented, contemplative, and analytical to a fault, which means it just takes me 10x longer to do basic ‘’simple’’ things that it would for other people. Though I can still be quite quick-thinking and decisive (I don’t often waver back and forth between things too long), it’s usually because I have years of thinking about the same exact things behind me, so I already am very clear on my opinions on stuff, to a point. But when it’s new things I’m less familiar with (like playing a new game, or posting regularly online), I’m still in a phase where I guess I have to give it a lot of thought. I just process things in a different way than other people I guess? Or have some inherent inability to be brief/concise/careless? If you’ve ever read any of my worldbuilding posts (where I usually start off wanting to explain one thing but then have to derail into 400 other misc. details and explanations and it ends up being a novel), then maybe it’s more evident what I mean, where it’s just like... my natural manner of speaking is Too Much.. I guess? Even this answer is winding and rambly, and I feel like other people could have answered this ask in only a few sentences lol.. 

 If any of that makes sense? I don’t know how to describe how I am lol.. I just know it's hard to me to use social media in this ~~casual effortless~~ way most people seem to, since my brain is just inherently incapable of anything ‘’casual’’ or ‘’effortless’’ lol..  T u T ;; 

6. " Hi! I hope this isn't weird to say, I'm designing a race for my DND campaign and some of the aesthetics are a little bit inspired by some of your costumes and makeup designs. You're awesome and your art is awesome so thanks : ) "

Thanks so much, I appreciate it! It’s always cool to hear I can inspire people~ 

(I usually don’t include many compliments in these ask compilation posts, but I always try to include a few, just to let people know that even if I don’t respond to all of them I do see them, and appreciate it!) 

7.  ???

I ended up cropping out this ask and not answering because some of the content was questionable (the reason WHY/how they wanted to make the character) in a way that I didn’t feel like getting into a long thing about, but part of it was relevant to making OCs in my world, so I will just make a quick comment:

I do state that this is a closed world, so I don’t want anyone making OCs of my species or etc. at least not at this point. Once my game is finished (if ever lol), or I write a few books or something, then I feel it would be understandable if people like, made up a background story for their player character and thus maybe could have some form of OC in my world and etc.. So I may be more relaxed on this in the future as I create content that people naturally would want to engage with , but for now, I’m still a very tiny creator with a closed world and it just doesn’t feel the same as like.. making an oc based on some thing in a big TV series or something. My worldbuliding and etc. is still very personal to me. Unless we’re directly collaborating on things (like mentioned here (link) a bit), or you’re a personal friend of mine who’s gotten involved in the world with my own guidance (meaning I could tell you lore things you’d need to know to make it accurate, etc.), then I don’t feel it’s appropriate for strangers to do at this point. 

Especially since I don’t even have enough world info out for people to be able to reference (most species have half-complete guides, I’ve only ever talked about like, one continent, etc.). There are so many necessary details which I have only in my head and have never typed out, so again, idk, it’d just be weird. I’m not okay with it until I have a lot more lore published, and maybe a few actual works out there that people can reference/stories/games/basis for OCs to exist in the first place. If that makes sense? 

8. "Hey, is it ok to use your outfit posts as inspiration for a dnd character? I love them so much, you have such a unique way of combining crazy patterns and fabrics into something that gives off a good vibe”

Yes, that would be fine! Thank you for asking, and I appreciate the compliments~ Hopefully I can get back to posting that sort of thing more often lol.. I’ve gotten WAY off my routine and haven’t done many outfits lately.. aaa

9. "hi Luca! i just wanted to say i really love all of your costumes and fashions and dress ups, its all so cool and pretty and interesting. i actually wanna dress up for fun for myself, and now that i know about the bins i think i'll try to convince my mom to take me to similar places for cheap clothing pieces, since my mom is worried about how much all this costume stuff costs. anyway, please keep posting your cool and beautiful stuff! "

Thank you so much! I wish you luck with your costumes! Yeah, I think there’s a common idea in a lot of fashion communities (like with makeup, costumes, etc.) that you have to always have high quality things to look nice, and even if sometimes you can do more with a little extra money, really you can make anything look good with what you have if you just combine it right. As I’ve always been quite low income, being into fashion and stuff has be discouraging at times, that I couldn’t afford certain materials or items, but you just have to find a niche where what you’re able to do works. For example, a lot of even ‘cheap’ lolita style clothings are too expensive for me (like $30 - $50 for a dress??? then the more pricey ones can be over $100???) lol.. BUT, then stuff like mori kei, cult party kei, fantasy costumes, etc. you can do with nearly any fabric you can find, and it’s still just as fun and creative. Most of the outfits I take pictures of probably cost me no more than $1 - $10 for every single item combined. Obviously it depends on location - I have better access now that I live near a place like the bins, which I understand there may not be similar resources in small towns or etc. But even with generic thrift stores (which may not be as cheap as the bins), you can still find pretty good alternatives to all the money it costs to buy things brand new. There’s still some stuff I legit just can’t do because I don’t have access to the materials, but for the most part I can manage everything I’d like with $3 eye-shadows and 15 cent tattered curtain fabrics lol. You can still do really cool stuff on a pretty nonexistent budget!

10. “do you have any tips on growing your hair long? is it expensive to up keep? i wanna grow mine out but it grows so slow!”

Well, I know nothing about hair and am not a hair stylist or etc. so I really don’t have any tips lol??  And I think hair maintenance depends a lot on the type of hair you have, not everyone’s is the same. I assume we must have similar hair  (my natural hair is thick kind of coarse very dark brown/black hair, which is a bit wavy in some parts but mostly straight, but most of my hair currently (aside from the overgrown roots at the top) is altered because of damage from bleaching and etc., it’s more brittle. so that’s what I’ll be referencing) if you’re asking me this instead of someone else, but just know that whatever I say may not apply to you.  

Anyway, I really don’t do anything to my hair to make it grow or etc., it’s just that I’ve gone a long time without cutting it lol. I used to cut it all the time or change styles, and now I’ve kind of just left it for 5 or 6 years or so. Because of my mental illness I have trouble maintaining personal care and etc., so I do sometimes go a week or more without washing it, even though I’m trying to work that into my schedule more (luckily I don’t have stinky head, I’ve heard some people’s scalp oils and stuff can smell weird if left for too long, I have the privilege of being able to like.. skip on hygiene a lot without it severely impacting my ability to do things or etc. since it’s usually not obvious if I haven’t bathed in a week or two). 

My cat also EATS HUMAN HAIR for some reason, so I have to keep it up all the time, so that when I shed it doesn’t actually just fall loose onto the ground lol. Literally all I do to my hair is just keep it in two braids at all times and wash it with normal shampoo and conditioner occasionally, when I can. I really only think it’s gotten long because I’ve been leaving it alone and not messing with it, not really because of anything I’ve done (like I don’t use fancy products on it or etc.) And because of that, no, it’s not really expensive! It absolutely WOULD be if I were like..a normal functioning person and I regularly bleached it and dyed it and put products on it and styled it and used shampoo and conditioner every 1-3 days on it and etc. lol.. But I guess because I don’t do anything to it to maintain it, I’m not spending money on hairspray or dye or shampoo or etc.  I used to bleach it a lot and straighten it and use hairspray and stuff on it, and it seems healthier (at least on the new top parts) now that I’m just ... ignoring it basically lol. But I don’t really know what to do to make it grow faster! I’m bad at self-care, and even if I do costumes and stuff, I really am not into beauty and hair and nails and makeup and stuff, so I’m probably the wrong person to ask hghjhb.. My upkeep routine is just... eat and sleep. wash face with water daily.. do extra stuff if you can manage to despite your functioning issues, etc. I’m definitely not a Beauty Advice person, I barely brush my hair even once a week lol

11. "Maybe you should reduce the number of races if it's too overwhelming? A world can still be immersive with only a few races in it."

(sidenote - Not to be nitpicky, but I make a specific point that the groups of fantasy creatures I create are species, not ‘’races’’, even though it is a commonly used term in fantasy worldbuilding, I think it’s inaccurate/weird )

I know I don’t have to make so many different groups, but, I guess I just really want it to be a broad setting. Part of the point in creating Nanyevimi (aside from worldbuilding just being extremely fun and a hobby greatly suited to someone with my personality traits lol) is to have an established world that I can do anything within, a framework already built where it'd be super easy to just drop a character anywhere on the map and already have an idea of what their culture, background, experiences, etc. would be based on pre-existing details about that portion of the world, etc. But I also want it to be broad, and varied, where every area kind of has it’s own dynamics going on there, so if you’re in a different place, you get a different kind of story. (like in an elven alliance city, you’d be better suited to tell an adventure story centering around complicated local politics, or city life, or etc.. whereas out in some isolated mountains in the south, it’d be more suited for a mystery story about stumbling across ancient ruins, or running into a mysterious traveler, etc.) 

Which I guess doesn’t matter much, since I'm better at setting, world design, character design, planning, and details than I am at plot, so  I probably won’t actually ever do anything with it (god forbid I tried to write a book or something with my utter inability to be concise/brief in any imaginable way). I can craft settings/characters/history/world-details all day endlessly, never losing inspiration or etc, but my weak point is actually telling stories within those settings and formulating a solid plan, organizing plot structures long term and etc.. Setting up everything for something to happen/creating a place where many interesting premises could occur is fine, but then actually thinking of how those things should OCCUR, or how the set up should play out, is where I get kind of lost. I guess the ideal at some point would be to have people working with me, helping when writing stories in my world/outlining games/etc, to add more cohesion/structure and reign in the unfocused stream of ideas,  but that’s very unlikely since I don’t have any close friends that are good at organizing or plotting either, etc. BUT anyway, even if I can’t ever manage to do anything with it, the whole “having a setting I can use for anything I want if anything ever comes up, which is already established and thus makes it much easier to formulate ideas because all the background work is already done for myself” thing is at least a nice goal.. in concept...theoretically lol..  

And, it’s not really too overwhelming, I think the overwhelming part is actually just formatting and producing those ideas in a consumable form. It’s not hard for me to keep track of 20 different groups and make backgrounds and every imaginable detail for them, but it IS hard to actually take all that information that exists in my head, type it out as a worldbuilding post, format and organize it, draw pictures to go with it, etc. If I could just post long stream of consciousness style 300,000 word long posts with no paragraph breaks, 4000 typos, barely any punctuation, etc., then I’d have A LOT more world-building info publicly available (since that’s what all the initial documents on my computer look like lol), but that’s just so inaccessible it’d be pointless to have public in the first place. The hard part isn’t really coming up with or managing the information, it’s just... organizing it all, and finding a way to share it. 

12. "oh PLEASE tell me what boing peach beverage the elf looks like"

a quick sketch of them.. mysterious peach (and other produce) salesman   

13. "fun question: what are ur fashion pet-peeves?"

Well, basically none because I hate when people are rigid over Fashion Rules or etc. Like, people who take pictures of others in public because they “look weird” , or who constantly trash on what people are allowed to wear, what patterns can be mixed with others, etc. etc. I get that some stuff can look kind of bad sometimes, and it’s not that I think nobody is allowed to criticize fashion trends or etc. (especially if they’re legitimately problematic, like of course someone wearing a homophobic t-shirt or doing blackface should be criticized), but I mean just like... that sort of trivial bitter criticism that doesn’t do anything but make people feel bad about the way they look or make them afraid to dress in ways they feel comfortable. Like taking a picture of someone and posting it online to make fun of them because they wore socks with sandals, or bullying 14 year olds who just started doing makeup and haven’t totally gotten their look sorted out yet, etc. etc. (ESPECIALLY since this can often intersect with classism, racism, etc. if you really examine what people mock as 'ugly' or 'unacceptable' styles, it's often stuff like men wearing dresses/makeup, women not shaving, clothing associated with poverty (like wearing “”cheap”” clothes), physical traits commonly associated with poc, making fun of people who look a certain way likely due to mental illness (like fidgeting, dirty mismatched clothing, carrying stuffed animals or comfort items in public etc.), etc. etc.

I find costumes and makeup and outfits to be a very cool and fun way to express myself. So when people are complete freaks about it and set out to just relentlessly make others feel bad for no good reason, it’s like... obnoxious... How can you take something with so much potential and limit it and close others off and turn it into this rigid hateful thing, when it should be something that everyone is able to be passionate about and appreciate?? Outside appearance isn't everything, but it's a tool of expression for so many people and can relate to who they are as a person, people should never feel uncomfortable to be who they are or look how they look just because some dumbass rich person writing for a style magazine has the gall to declare some random thing to be 'Unfashionable' despite not having a genuinely creative bone in their body, or some bigot thinks that certain things are ‘ugly’ or ‘unprofessional’ due to their own mental associations, etc.

But anyway, I guess if I had to choose a few things that I just think look kind of odd to me personally/are generally off-putting...  

--- the overdrawing lips thing when you can see the persons actual lip-line and it almost looks like they have two mouths or something? (if not done intentionally for costume makeup). It can look a little strange to me sometimes, like an optical illusion where you see multiple mouth lines at once?? idk like this?

--- freckles that are just round circles and really heavy and don’t look realistic (though again, I also realize this could just be the person’s first time drawing them on or something and I’m not  mocking for lack of skill, etc. I just mean that it’s a little strange to look at, not actually BAD though) (and it can also be intentional, like for a cartoony costume look) ---- People adopting cutesy/childlike fashion and clothing and sexualizing it or using it as part of their sex/kink stuff.. I just feel like anything associated with children should not be sexualized..? If the first thing someone thinks when seeing children's school uniforms or frilly little girl’s doll dresses or whatever is that it could be a Hot Thing then hhh... like why is your brain making those connections lol.. People can dress how they want for whatever reasons they want, but that’s always personally creeped me out a little. Similar to our culture’s obsession with looking young being ‘hot’ (like a grown man wanting someone who’s a legal adult but still “looks 16″ or etc.), where it’s like.. okay, I guess yeah outwardly you can make that choice, and maybe aren’t directly causing harm, but.. the underlying tones of it and etc. still make it very unsettling to witness lol... ---- anything appropriated obviously, as well as fetishization or bastardization of cultures, like t-shirts with Japanese writing on them Just For Aesthetic, or taking certain culturally or religiously significant symbols or etc. and adopting them as ‘just a silly fashion’ thing when you’re actually being disrespectful, etc.  ---- those shorts or whatever that go up extremely high on the hipbones always look a little weird to me lol, like they give a person funny proportions, 

(you may have to right click open image in new window and zoom to see the text, but it’s like.. the blank space makes it look kind of weird to me? Like there’s too much where there’s just nothing going on? idk. That’s just my personal preference though, obviously I tend to lean towards busy designs lol)

That’s all I can think of though, like I said, I’m really not picky or judgy about fashion since I think people should be able to do whatever they want for the most part. I’m not like a “omg stripes should NEVER be worn with plaid!!” type person or something lol. 

14. "Hey Luca! I love when you post about your world. Do you have a favorite species you've made up so far? Also, I hope you're holding up well during the crisis!"

AAaa thanks! I’m okay mostly. It’s distressing since because of my particular mental illness I already have constant paranoia and obsessions about health, so of course hearing about so much illness can be really triggering constantly and I’m preoccupied in never-ending anxiety spirals about mortality and etc. etc. etc. , but situationally, I’m just very thankful that nobody in my household has gotten sick yet and I desperately wish that will continue to be the case. *** *** *** 

(ignore the *** *** *** , this is a text version of a physical compulsion (a hand movement) that I have to do when I mention certain topics lol.. the little man in my brain that controls my obsessive compulsive disorder says I must do certain things after saying or thinking certain things,, You Know How It Is ) 

And I really love worldbuilding questions, so thank you so much!!!!! Hghgh maybe it seems weird to favor any over the others, but of course I really like the Avirre'thel. Conceptually, I think their origin story and connection to ancient elves and their abilities and etc. put them in a really unique position in the broader world (some of the only truly immortal people to exist, the only people who can still decipher ancient elven texts in a way that makes sense, etc. etc.). Since Nanyevimi (my world) is really just a setting being built so that in the future I can set things within it (games, short stories, etc.), I think I'm drawn to the aspects of it that have the most potential to make interesting characters, and there are definitely a lot of pre-established dynamics with the Avirre'thel/in Navyete (their home country) as a whole that would make it an good place to set certain things, or a good group for a main character to be from, etc.

I do really like the Jhevona as a species overall too, even if I haven't developed them as much, they also kind of stand out as having some fairly unique features that put them in an interesting position in the world (being one of the most magically capable groups that exists but that also having downsides (health issues and infertility from magic exposure, etc.), how the necessity to keep control over their magic influences their culture, being some of the only natural shape-shifters, etc.). Within that, I REALLY love the Thastanri (a subspecies of Jhevona), like their connection to dreams, the Imkasyn, being one of the last few peoples in contact with real dragons, etc. etc. There are a lot of complex things going on in their area, so there’d be a lot of potential to tell a variety of stories or have interesting characters from that group. 

AND, though it's supposed to be Unknown in the world so I won't talk about it just in case I ever write a book one day or something and need to preserve at least a FEW mysteries that I don't just outright explain in worldbuilding posts, Jhevona do have the most interesting origins of any species in my opinion. There are some things from before the timeline break sort of thing (where all recorded history was seemingly wiped and everyone had a big memory loss about 50,000 yrs ago) that people aren't aware of anymore... but Jhevona used to have a cool backstory and quite interesting function in society prior to that. There are some remnants in the genetics of the species and how their magic works (at least for certain groups) that kind of hint at how ancient Jhevona used to look and what they used to do, even though in the modern day things are very different.

15. "Top 10 songs you've been listening to lately?"

I don’t have a top 10 since I listen to everything for different reasons, and don’t have as deep a relationship with music the way some people do (like I don’t really have a favorite band or group I have a connection with that’s “gotten me through hard times”, or music I cry to/any songs that are specifically personally emotionally meaningful to me, etc., etc.), but here’s a quick playlist of a few favorite-ish things I’ve had in my head a lot recently - 

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPmQ4SZdFFHNkgKo7nAiEMgVvLcycX5Qc

the last song on the list specifically I’ve been replaying a lot for some reason, I guess since it’s good background music as there’s no words. Particularly the part that starts around like 38 seconds in, something about that melody reminds me of something distant, in a dreamlike way. The past few days I mostly alternate between that song, Outstanding, and And The Beat Goes On  lol

16. " Do you ever sell sculptures? I really like that little fawn!"

Yeah, I hope to eventually! Like I mentioned in question number three, if I can set up some sort of way to do auctions or etc, then maybe I can sell that one! 

17 & 18 : '"aaa yay!! i missed your outfits!!!" / "can I just say love ur outfits! They're so cool and inspire me to draw my ocs with new outfits > o < and I love your cat too, please give him a big ol pat!"

Thank you!!!! more compliments posted just to show I appreciate them lol, even if I don’t publicly respond to every one~ And, the Boyes appreciate the pats.. here is them.. big babbeys... 

[love-takes-work]

I shouldn’t argue with people on Reddit

My clown encounter

I was talking to someone about the Camp Pining Hearts graphic novel on Reddit, and among other things, I made a joking comment about how Mr. Frowney appearing in the audience of the Camp Pining Play to watch Mr. Smiley perform might mean they’re married now. Someone in the comments had this to say to me:

Reddit clown: 

That would imply that anyone on SU cares about developing characters.

Follow the jump if you would like some bloviating about how this show fails at complex relationships, a funny conspiracy theory about how fan response directly controls which characters appear and what plots the Crew writes, and a smug conclusion that No One Can Answer This Deep Question and Therefore SU Is A Bad Show.

Reddit clown:

It’s clear that the author is trying to prop up their ship by purposefully making Amedot out to be unhealthy and problematic, even if it means derailing established personality and history. It’s pretty childish really.

“Does that imply what I think it does about Mr. Frowney and Mr. Smiley? Hey, maybe they’re married now. :)”

That would imply that anyone on SU cares about developing characters.

I addressed part of the Amedot comment and also said this:

Me:

Re character development: This graphic novel was not written by anyone who writes for the show. There's not really any constructive conversation I can have from here if your position really is "no one on SU cares about developing characters," though. This just seems like such an unnecessarily negative "lol this show sucks, edgier-than-u" comment that I don't know where it can go from here and I'm not planning to follow wherever you're trying to take this.

Reddit clown:

Well in general, the show doesn’t have a good track record for character dynamics

[link to a blog post on Tumblr which is literally a one-sentence repetition of what they just said about bad group dynamics]

And given that Frowney only appeared once, sadly there’s zero chance of him and Smiley ever getting back together. Same with Mystery Girl and Pearl.

lol ok

people who have only shown up once obviously won’t ever show again

no source needed on having a good track record, we’ll just believe it’s obvious if you can find an example of someone saying this on a Tumblr blog somewhere agreeing with your assessment

Me:

I have no personal stake in whether a rare character appears again--I'm not yearning for either of those people to return--but it's straight-up weird to say someone will never show up again because they only showed up once.

Then again, I remember how confident people were that Bismuth would never return (and how consistently they coupled their absolute certainty with sneering comments about how the voice actor was surely too expensive), so I guess it's not too surprising to me that some folks still think certain characters are guaranteed to never return. Bottom line is you never know when the throwaway mailman character in episode 3 will turn out to be a regularly returning character starting in episode 56. It just doesn't make sense to pretend such things are obvious. You do not know.

As for the continued weirdness of claiming that this group of characters has no character dynamics to speak of, I mean, it's literally one of the things I've appreciated the most all along about the show, and . . . I don't have to exaggerate or read into what I see to find it, nor am I confused about whether it's actually there. I again have no personal stake in whether you feel that way. It just strikes me as a bizarro world kind of comment. You're having a VERY different experience of this show from the one I've had.

Reddit clown:

That’s different. Bismuth was brought back thanks to fan demand. Meanwhile, these are specifically one off characters, especially considering the show’s halfway over. Not everyone can rise above a one shot character.

And can you name any notable character dynamics not attached to Steven? Compare that to say Adventure Time which had great character dynamics.

Oh god

“”””Bismuth was brought back because of fan demand””””

““““Can you name any notable character dynamics”“““

Dear lord what show is this cheese log of a person watching?

Me: 

It's really weird that you think Bismuth was brought back because fans "demanded" it. You don't know how the show works at all. 

And "then name character dynamics not attached to Steven" is a bizarre request. If you truly did not see the literal thousands of years of history between characters that enhanced who they are and how they act long before Steven was there, me trotting them out isn't going to help you believe it's there. Steven being the strict point of view character creates a situation that Adventure Time doesn't have, so it's weird to expect the show to diverge significantly from the lens it's designed to be viewed through, but believing you've presented a gotcha here is basically admitting you haven't noticed any of the relationships between the characters that Steven actually spent a ton of time discovering--whole episodes were even dedicated to relationships between characters who aren't Steven or aren't relating to Steven when they're revealing such things. It's not even subtext.

Reddit clown:

Well after fan backlash from the episodes Bismuth, they basically had no choice but to bring her back. And given how expensive the VA is, it hurt their budget. And really, what relationships? The whole thing revolves around Steven. The Gems are Steven’s moms, Connie is Steven’s love interest, the town is Steven’s friends. The only interesting dynamic is Lars hating Steven and even then he joined the Steven cult. Look how wasted Lapis and Peridot became when they escaped Steven’s clutches.

Oh 

Oh this person is one of those

““““the steven cult”“““

The objectively only interesting thing is when someone hates someone

Cartoon Network’s budget was exploded by hiring a voice actor oh god

Me:

Wow. Your obliviousness and misplaced confidence is baffling, but . . . to be honest I feel like I'm watching someone who doesn't understand they're embarrassing themselves, and it's getting uncomfortable.

I know that you don't know what's going on behind the scenes of this show, but it is really bizarre sometimes that fans believe their behavior and their outrage is changing the writing or influencing what characters they use.

You really think fans raging about things is an actual "demand" they respond to. That they "had to" bring back Bismuth because of something FANS DID. Yikes. But I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that people are still saying things like this. Some people still think the writers stole plot elements from fan theories. I don't know why some people in fandoms think they're that important or relevant. The show is not being controlled by our responses in any way. If "fan backlash" worked to bring characters back, there are many others who would have returned long ago. 

And isn't that lovely, you've got a little conspiracy theory about how paying the scads of money you imagine are required for Bismuth's voice actor have "hurt the budget" (oblivious to how many voice actors on this show have done more episodes despite being more famous/having higher net worth). You clearly have zero clue about how any of this works, and you shouldn't keep pretending you have knowledge about it, especially not while talking to people who do.

As for relationships, you're not really asking me. Like I said, if I wasted my time trotting out descriptions of relationship dynamics that you should have seen for yourself if you watched the show, there's no way that would convince you they were worthwhile, well-developed relationships if the show itself didn't. I see complex and multifaceted relationships, growth, change, conflict, and resolution, in so many relationships, like Greg and Rose figuring out what love is to them, Ruby and Sapphire growing into a healthier version of who they are together, Pearl learning to think independently of serving Rose even as she struggles with her nature, the long history of Pearl with Garnet, Amethyst with Pearl, even Greg with Amethyst (all things Steven has to discover and understand only partially as the show goes on) . . . but if you truly believe characters in this show who existed before Steven appeared 14 years ago have shown no evidence of having layered relationship dynamics that do not focus on him or depend on him, I don't know what show you're watching and I can't help you.

I don't know why you're even here since just about every bit of content you've posted here is "the thing you like sucks" and completely unsupported comments about why, sourced in nothing. It's just like . . . not even an argument, it's just a weird demonstration that you don't get what's going on so you've concluded nothing is. It's weird, and normally I've got no problem with criticism or spirited discussion, but these comments are just . . . they're empty. They're demonstrations of obliviousness or willful ignorance. It's just so, so weird to talk to someone who thinks they're laying down critical points but reads as so ignorant of what even happened in the source material or behind the scenes.

For the record, this person was going on in other threads about how Amedot is better than Lapidot “objectively” and partly because “it looks cuter,” saying the writing on the entire series is garbage, that “Steven as a character doesn’t make sense,” and that the show’s writers have no standards. Wow edgy.

Reddit clown:

I mean think about it; a famous celebrity gets more likes around the same the animation goes down hill?

And I would consider the following on the writers stealing fan content; keep in mind that Rose being Pink Diamond was a widely circulated fan theory and people were very stubborn about it. It could be that the crew felt like they needed to validate them. This lead to them to an unsatisfying and out of left field twist.

And I simply don’t see the powerful character interactions people brag about. What’s the character dynamics of the Gems? Again, the blog post I posted is the gotcha moment that no can answer.

I reiterate that the blog post referenced here is one sentence, and it says, “For a show that revolves around a group of characters, SU doesn’t have very interesting group dynamics writing (when they bother having them at all).” That is this person’s “gotcha.” That is this person’s “NO ONE CAN SATISFACTORILY ANSWER THIS” criticism.

omg I’m so confused and weirded out by this.

But

THINK ABOUT IT

A CELEBRITY “GOT LIKES” AND THEN THERE WAS A SPECIFIC TIME WHEN THE ANIMATION GOES DOWNHILL

It’s obviously because Cartoon Network was bankrupted in their ANIMATION BUDGET because they had to pay Uzo Aduba

And this was “”””forced”””” to happen by FAN BACKLASH

When we whine about wanting a character back we decimate the animation budget and make it go downhill guise

AND THIS PERSON ALSO ADMITS TO BELIEVING THE SHOW WENT IN A DIFFERENT “UNSATISFYING” DIRECTION THAN THEIR ORIGINAL INTENT BECAUSE THE CREW NEEDED TO VALIDATE STUBBORN FANS. AND THEY THOUGHT THE PINK DIAMOND REVEAL WAS “OUT OF LEFT FIELD.” YIIIIIIIIKES. 

I had to stop replying here (and should have much earlier) because like

wow, how can someone have NO ABILITY TO INTERPRET THE CONTENT OF A SHOW and then still be this smug about thinking they’ve got its mediocrity nailed? While also being so confident about thinking they know fans control the structure of the storytelling? Unnggggh 

[girls-scenarios]

Recording Love

Idol: Rina (Weki Meki)

Prompt: Could u guys do a Rina(Weki Meki) scenario where the reader is a youtuber and invites Rina for a mukbang vid and Rina just casually starts feeding the reader and the reader get confused and embarrassed cus they are recording?

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: I. Love. Weki Meki. As you all know. So I’m always happy when I get requests for my girls. They’re so wonderful and talented and honestly stan Weki Meki for clear skin and sore ribs from laughing too much. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!

♡ Tip Jar♡

It all started with a simple question.

“Hey, Rina, you aren’t on a diet right now, right?”

“I’m not, why?” Rina had been enjoying some rare time off, reading with her head in your lap, but when you asked her that simple question, she brought her book down to look up at you. She was always interested if food was involved, and you probably saw the twinkle of excitement in her eyes, because you laughed and ran your fingers through her hair.

“Well, I was going to do a mukbang livestream on my channel today and I thought I might invite you. My fans would be happy to see you on a video again, they always freak out over our couple videos.” Rina smiled and sat up, closing her book.

“You know I can’t say no to mukbang. When do we start?”

“You go get ready and I’ll order the food. Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

A little while later, the two of you were seated in front of a mountain of delivered chicken in all types of different flavors. As you messed with the camera, Rina checked her hair in the nearby mirror, readjusting her bangs.

“You look amazing, baby, don’t worry,” you said. She let out a little nervous laugh and settled back into her chair.

“You know how I am before filming. I always get a little nervous but I’ll be fine once we get into it.”

You smiled and nodded, turning back to the camera. Rina knew she was weird (who had ever heard of a camera-shy idol?) but you always understood that it took a little while for her to warm up. “Okay, are you ready?”

“Ready,” she said, settling back into her seat, and you gave her a thumbs-up and a wink before starting the live stream.

“Hello, everyone, welcome back to yet another of (Y/N)’s mukbang videos, because you all know how much I love to eat. Today I’m joined by my lovely girlfriend Rina.” You gestured to her and paused, giving her a moment to wave at the camera. “Want to introduce yourself for anyone who might not know you somehow?”

She let out a little giggle and tucked her hair behind her ear. She’d done this a hundred times, so she couldn’t really mess it up. “Hello everyone, my name is Rina and I’m from the girl group Weki Meki. And I’m (Y/N)’s girlfriend.”

“Stan Weki Meki, you guys,” you said, wrapping your arm around her dramatically and making her laugh. Already, plenty of people were watching the stream, and both of you glanced down at the comments coming in. “Oh, there’s someone who’s name is stanwekimeki! They have the right idea!”

“Thank you,” Rina said, making a little heart at the camera.

“Okay, let’s get into the good stuff. The stuff you all came to see. Let’s eat some chicken!”

The two of you began to eat, responding to comments and chatting about the tastes of each flavor. Rina was loosening up, and as you read the comments, an idea popped into her head. Only a few comments were even about the chicken, it was all about how cute the two of you were as a couple and how much they loved seeing the two of you interact. When you had leaned on her shoulder as you laughed, she’d noticed the chat go crazy, and now she was wondering just how crazy she could make the chat go. Maybe Lucy and Doyeon were rubbing off on her now.

“Hey, (Y/N), look at me,” she said as she picked up a piece of chicken, and when you turned to her, she held the piece up to your lips. “Have some.” Immediately, your ears turned red, and she smiled as you shyly ate it. You were never shy or flustered on camera, and she kind of liked that she could change that with one little action.

“Wow, the chat is going crazy,” you said with a laugh, trying to not seem flustered, and Rina just continued to grin, happily eating her chicken. She didn’t do it again until the chat had chilled out and your ears had mostly gone back to normal. Then, as if it was just reflex, she held up another piece for you.

“Here, try this one, it’s really good.” Again, you flushed as you ate it, except this time with moved to your cheeks. “What do you think, babe?” The chat spiked in activity, and Rina laughed at the comment calling her mischievous. She was having fun now.

“It’s good,” you said, voice squeaking a bit as you fanned your face.

“Want some more?” She offered it up to you and you covered your face, letting out a little whine.

“You’re making me shy,” you whined, and she giggled, reaching over to wrap her arms around you.

“Sorry, you’re just so cute like this,” she said, and then turned to the camera. “You guys have never seen them like this, right?”

“You’re making me look soft,” you joked, pulling your hands away from your face, and rolled her eyes playfully.

“Everyone knows your soft, don’t be silly.” As if to back up her point, the chat spammed “SOFT”, making you laugh and bury your head in her shoulder to try and regain your composure.

“That’s it, no more video features for you, miss.”

“You love me,” she said, voice soft and sweet, and you were smiling when you pulled away to look at her.

“Yeah, I do. Even if you like to make me soft and shy in front of the whole world.” Again, the chat blew up, and Rina felt a swell of pride in what she’d accomplished. There would be so many gifs of this, and she couldn’t wait to see them.

“I just do that because I love you and I want them to see you like I see you.”

“I’m pretty sure we’re making half of my fanbase cry right now.” Both of you looked over at the comments and laughed.

“I mean, it’s happy crying, right?”

“I would hope so! If you made my fanbase sad cry I’d really have to ban you from the videos. Also this is supposed to be a mukbang video, so maybe we should get back to eating the chicken instead of being cheesy to each other.”

“We can do both, you know.”

“Why did I invite you to do this with me, I swear....”

Later, after the live stream was over and Rina was back on the couch reading her book, feeling very satisfied with herself, you came over and flopped down beside her.

“Our ship name is trending right now, I just thought you should know.” She raised her eyebrows and put away the book, moving closer to you to look at your phone. Sure enough, there were tons of tweets about the two of you, gifs and video clips and lots of caps-lock keyboard smashes that she could only think would be positive. “Are you happy with yourself now?” Your tone was playful, and she pointed at your phone.

“You seem to be happy with it, you’ve liked half these tweets.”

“True,” you said, “but now all my fans know what I look like when I’m flustered.”

“Is that such a bad thing? Everyone is calling it cute, including me.” You smiled and shook your head.

“It’s not so bad. The video is actually really cute, I watched it back earlier. I ship us.” She giggled and leaned her head on your shoulder, opening her book once again.

“Well, that’s good, considering we’re dating and are officially the cutest couple on YouTube.” You pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“Hey, I love you, you know that?” She smiled, closed her eyes, and moved closer to you. Today had been a good day.

“I love you too.”

[louthegreatfurrry]

Hurt and Loving pt.2

final piece of art trade with @angerydj !! Hope you like it!! and fuck u for making me ship them u bastard

part one

And after that things somehow managed to return to normal. Otto got a hesitant message from Peter asking what he planned on doing now; Otto responded that he wasn’t quite certain.

Together they agreed to pretend nothing had ever happened. To return to life as they knew it; tinkering with mechanics and metal parts in a corner of Otto’s – their – lab. Peter came late at times, as he always did, and Otto shook his head in amused exasperation at his antics.

(whenever the news came on Otto did most certainly not huddle by the TV, sipping a cup of coffee to calm his nerves as he watched fights between Spiderman and his foes.)

And slowly, ever so slowly, the mechanical arms were tweaked and changed and fixed. Otto said nothing as Peter worked around all the minor faults that together made the mess that got them in the situation to begin with, but he’s not stupid. He knew Peter noticed the way he shook, the way he struggled to hold as much as a screwdriver.

(what he did not know, however, was the way it bothered Peter, the way Peter bent over books on the nervous system when he really should be sleeping, or how he worked until his hands were calloused and bleeding.)

And then one day, one final, fatal day, Peter gave a bright laugh. “They’re done!” he said, waving Otto over. “They’re done, I’m sure of it!”

Intense, boiling relief bubbled in Otto. Finally – the arms, without the illness, the help, without the disaster –

He grasped Peter’s arms, and the heat radiating from him was greater than ever. “Thank you, Peter,” he offered shakily.

Peter smiled, then nodded, gesturing for him to turn around so he could help him on with the harness.

He did so, and some moments later the familiar feeling of cool metal against his neck returned.

Slowly Otto turned around, moving and unfurling the arms with care.

The weight – the cold, the slight pain of the suddenness of it, the flashing brief and terrible memories of rain and thunder and fire and blood –

Otto stumbled.

Peter squeaked, rushing forward to steady him, a hand on his elbow and the other on his shoulder. “Doc! Otto, are you – ”

A moment, two, and Otto forcefully pushed aside the images of blood and Peter’s pale face in favor of gently patting Peter’s hand with his own. “I’m fine, kid,” he said, mustering a small smile. “Just a bit… surprised. Is all.”

It wasn’t a lie, but it didn’t seem to fool Peter completely, either.

When Otto came home that day he was still shaking, but it was no longer because of his failing body.

*

That very same night, when he went to bed, he was relieved to finally be able to rest. He’d been a wreck the whole day, body trembling from the weight of the memories of his own actions. Never had he been in any serious physical fights before the one with Peter – with Spiderman – and he thought back to the fight with equal parts disgust and fear for what he almost became.

It was no wonder, then, that the sweet embrace of the dark nothing that is sleep was so alluring.

Except for the fact that Otto, for the first time in many, many years, had a nightmare.

He woke up in a heap on the floor, bedsheets tangled in the mechanical arms – they’d been withdrawn when he went to sleep, why weren’t they anymore? – and sweat on his face, on his back, dripping into his eyes –

there were tears on his cheeks and his bedside lamp was broken, bruises already forming on his arms and chest.

Someone was banging on the door. “Mister Octavius! Mister? Are you okay?” That was the kind old lady next door – she must’ve heard him falling out of bed, or perhaps the lamp breaking.

Otto drew a shuddering breath and stumbled to his feet so quickly that he nearly fell back into a heap again. His glasses were on the floor beside his bed, and he hurried to put them on – noting with a grimace and wince that the right spectacle had cracked. “Ah – yes, I – I’m fine!” he called. “Just, uh… stumbled! Is all!” He held his breath, hoping that he hadn’t made so much noise that stumbling seemed far fetched.

A moment’s hesitation. “At three in the morning?”

Otto cursed, glancing over at the clock. It did, indeed, display a glaring 3.04AM. “Uh… yes! I was thirsty! No need to worry, go back to bed!”

Another brief moment. Otto stood still in the middle of his bedroom, fearing to breathe, fearing to move – “Well, okay, then.” The soft, distant padding of feet, then a muted click as someone locked their door.

Otto exhaled, then turned around to look at the rest of his bedroom. It was a mess; curtains torn down, half the mattress on the floor, a picture frame broken in two peeking out from beneath the bed.

A slight check-in with the mechanical arms painted them as the culprit. But that was impossible – they couldn’t move except if Otto told them to.

And then he remembered the nightmare.

(rain and thunder and flames; I loved you spoken in such harsh tones that it sounded far too raw, falling and falling and endless falling, trapped within a body no longer his own and he feared his own thoughts, blood on his hands and staining his clothes and he couldn’t breathe for the smoke in the air–)

Otto sat down on his comforter, mechanical arms moving to tug the loose blanket around his shoulders. He shuddered, closed his eyes, breathed –

yet, try as he might, he could not hinder a few lone tears from trickling down his cheeks.

*

He thought it was a one-time thing.

It wasn’t.

*

He went to work as usual, of course – he wouldn’t take a sick day purely because of some bad memories. And he might’ve been a bit quiet, and he might’ve been a bit still, and he might’ve winced a bit every time he moved the mechanical arms any further than over his head – but if Peter noticed, he was kind enough to not say a word about it.

*

The second night wasn’t as bad as the first. While Otto did wake up in a cold sweat sometime after midnight, nothing was broken, he had no new bruises, and he was still in bed. So he didn’t think too much of it; the terror was fading away, which was only logical, really.

But then the third night came, and Otto woke up to claw marks down the walls and his bedside table tipped over, curtains shredded and comforter torn.

He did not go back to sleep, instead going to sit in the dark kitchen with a cup of coffee. He shook and trembled so much that he dared not hold the coffee himself.

When dawn came, he was still staring at the cup.

He didn’t go to work that day.

*

A week passed with nothing big happening. The arms worked as they were supposed to – he even made Peter double-check a few times, just to make sure – and while he slept restlessly, he couldn’t remember his dreams when he woke, and nothing broke.

Then one day at the lab, Otto stumbled in a cable, causing him to fall into Peter. The mechanical arms acted like they should and anchored him to the floor, but Peter had nothing of the sorts and went crashing to the floor.

(thunder and rain and his own shadow looming over Peter and for a moment there was terror in his eyes and there was blood –)

Peter gave a startled laugh, shocking Otto out of his thoughts. “You alright there, doc?” Peter asked, even as Otto took a step back and withdrew the arms. His heart beat. “Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Ah,” said Otto, brushing his hands down his chest. “Yes, I – I’m. Fine. Yes.” He offered a hand to help him up, and Peter took it without hesitation. Otto pulled him up, and then there was a moment’s pause –

Peter looked at him, their hands clasped between them.

(I loved you I loved you I loved you)

Otto couldn’t hear for the rush in his own ears, for the loud beat of his own heart, and Peter’s hand was warm in his and he couldn’t breathe -

Peter let go and stepped back. He smiled uncertainly, but said nothing, and went back to his work.

*

That night the nightmares returned in full, in such excruciating detail that it was almost real. The water on his skin, the crackling and creaking of buildings, the heat of blood against his hands, Peter’s harsh I loved you –

there were Peter’s screams and his screams and blood and fear and his own shadow and Peter beneath him, shivering and scared and angry –

(you knew, and of course he’d known, he wasn’t stupid, and he’d promised himself to take the secret to his grave, he’d never meant for it to end like that)

Otto woke with a shriek as he flailed out of bed. He lay at his floor and stared up at the roof, noting absently the marks on the ceiling.

He tried to focus on his breathing, but his shoulders hurt so when he drew breaths that he nearly gave up. Slowly he pushed himself to a sitting position, arms shaking so badly he barely managed only that.

There was something wet and thick on his chest.

It took a few moments to register that it was blood.

*

He hadn’t taken off the arms since he got them back – they’d been designed to handle water excellently, and this far he hadn’t really thought it necessary.

The very next night he shrugged of the harness before creeping into bed.

(helpless, he was helpless without them, old and worn and falling apart, worthless –)

His back was surprisingly light, but his heart heavier than ever.

He struggled to fall asleep, and when he did, he still had nightmares. They weren’t the same, but still similar – dreams where he fought Peter, but the arms stopped working and he was falling, falling, Peter staring after him in cold hatred – dreams where he could no longer move his wrists, elbows, shoulders – dreams where he couldn’t do anything as simple as picking up a mere pencil to write with.

Dreams that always included or ended with Peter giving him a disgusted look before turning his back.

Otto woke up in a different kind of cold-sweat, and while he was still in bed and everything was as it should be, he had never felt more terrified in his life.

It was barely 2 in the morning, but he couldn’t go back to sleep after that – neither with nor without the mechanical arms. He eyed his bed with disdain and went once more into the kitchen, looking for a clean cup.

The dreams would stop soon.

They had to.

*

They didn’t.

*

Otto never was the kind of man to deny his own needs. He’d always prioritized his bodily needs (except for when he was in the middle of a project and time bled away, of course) – if he wasn’t in shape, neither would his creations be.

He neglected all that now. A sickening feeling wormed around in his stomach whenever he looked at his bed – and it coiled and pressed and threatened to make him vomit whenever the thought of sleep grazed his mind. He caught glimpses of rest here and there – once in the shower, a few times while typing on his laptop, another while he was cleaning the living room. Never for long – only an hour or two at a time, at most. Nightmares or nausea woke him before that.

How he even managed to survive more than a few days was a mystery, to be quite honest.

Every day the bruises around his eyes got more prominent, darkened in color, his skin more drawn, hair more tousled and dry. He focused less and less on his hobbies, did only the most necessary, couldn’t quite listen when people talked to him.

Then he almost poked his eye out on a screwdriver while working in the labs, waking with a start, and Peter slammed the cables he’d been holding onto the table. “Doctor Otto Octavius,” he said, and if Otto hadn’t been as sleep deprived as he was, he might have felt a bit intimidated at the underlying anger. “What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing,” Otto said, forcing his voice to stay light even as he reached for something to do with his hands. He ended up fingering with a stray piece of metal. “Nothing at all, Parker. I’m completely fine.”

Something told him Peter wasn’t quite believing him – and that he was currently standing with his hands on his hips. “You are not.” He moved closer, and though his voice was stern, the hand that pushed on Otto’s shoulder was not. He tried to avoid Peter’s accusing expression, but when he looked away Peter only grabbed his chin and turned him back. “You look like shit, Doc!”

Despite being in quite the uncomfortable situation, pinned in place by Peter’s worried eyes, Otto managed a dry, “Why thank you, Peter. I spent a long time on it.”

The hand still on Otto’s shoulder tightened its hold. “Otto,” Peter said, and his voice had gone dangerously quiet. “You are not okay. I’ve never seen you like this before. What is it?”

(his voice had taken on a desperate tone, such worry and pleading and his eyes shone with guilt and concern and Otto hadn’t noticed before now, but Peter’s hands were shaking –)

(he couldn’t say no to those eyes.)

“Just,” said Otto, trying to look the other way again before Peter stopped him. “Just – problems sleeping. Is all.”

Peter shifted; Otto shifted with him, unconsciously causing the mechanical arms to twitch and shift as well.

(heavy, screaming and screeching and fire –)

Otto closed his eyes. Breathed. Breathed. Breathed.

The hand on Otto’s shoulder went lax. “Oh,” said Peter, and it was so quiet and raw and hurt that Otto hardly believed he’d heard right. “Oh, no – Otto – ” He took a step closer, and Otto winced, ready to be hit or accused or slapped or yelled at –

Peter slid his arms around his torso and stood very, very still.

Oh.

Oh.

(when was the last time he’d been hugged when was the last time he’d been touched, and oh God he couldn’t even remember – )

Trembling, trembling and broken and hurt Otto gingerly returned the hug, wary of holding too tightly and afraid of not holding tight enough –

“Nightmares, huh?” Peter asked, the words muffled by Otto’s shirt.

Surprisingly enough, not seeing his face made this conversation much easier.

Otto stared at nothing for a few brief moments – long enough that even he himself wondered if he was going to answer –

then he clenched his teeth and nodded. “The – the arms,” he whispered. “They…”

A noise of understanding came from the back of Peter’s throat. He nodded gently. “I know what you mean. Sometimes I still wake up on the ceiling.”

The imagery startled a watery chuckle out of him. “Really?”

“Heh. Yeah.” Peter shifted. Otto readied for him to pull away, but he didn’t do that either, only moved his hands on his back, clutching a handful of lab coat. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”

Otto swallowed. “I… not – particularly. No.”

Another brief moment in silence, and then Peter pulled back. “Okay,” he said, taking a step back with a single nod. “Come on, then.” And with that he began walking towards the door.

“Wh – where are you going?”

“To your apartment,” Peter replied. “You need sleep.”

Otto froze. He knew from experience that short naps here and there would prevent the nightmares from becoming full-grown demons, rather keeping them like nagging feelings at the back of his head, a sense of unease when he woke up –

but that wasn’t the kind of sleep Peter was suggesting now. “But – ”

Peter turned to face him once more, raising his eyebrows expectantly. But he must have seen something on Otto’s face, for the somewhat-judging look soon melted into something soft and gentle. “Look,” he said, and his voice had gone soft as well. “It’s going to be fine. You can’t continue like this – and I’ll be with you the whole time, okay? If something happens, I’ll be there.” He held out his hand in an obvious invitation.

That was – sort of the problem, really – he didn’t want to accidentally hurt Peter in the throes of fighting his own nightmares, but –

(flashes of Spiderman fighting foes far greater than Otto, jumping and ducking and somehow always bouncing back no matter how bruised or bloodied he became)

well, he was strong enough to watch over himself.

Otto stepped forward. Two steps. Three. A half.

And he took the offered hand, grateful at the small smile Peter flashed him before turning away and walking out the door.

(warm warm warm his hand was warm – )

*

Peter all but pushed Otto through his own apartment door. Then, when he shut said door, he turned to Otto with a familiar stern expression. “Now go to bed!”

“But my cloth – ”

“Get undressed then go to bed!”

“Brush my – ”

“Brush your teeth, get undressed, then go to bed!”

Couldn’t argue with that.

Otto grumbled under his breath, but went off to the bathroom to change and brush his teeth. Despite the fact that it was barely past three in the afternoon. God, what had his life come to…

He was just about done brushing his teeth when Peter’s voice came, meek and quiet, “Otto?”

Otto finished up quickly, then went for his bedroom.

Peter was standing back to him, head tilted back and eyes glued to the ceiling.

Otto closed his eyes. The arms on his back whirred and clinked when he withdrew them into the harness once more.

He’d forgotten the claw marks.

“Are those…” Peter said, trailing off at the end as his voice broke.

Otto hesitated. “I – the arms. Yes.”

Peter glanced around the room. Otto followed his gaze as best he could, taking in the damage he himself had caused. He still hadn’t gotten around to fixing the curtains, and the bedside table had a crack down the side after a particularly bad night. The picture frame that had broken still hung on the wall, but it was poorly taped together, and the lamp beside it was shattered.

Not to mention the numerous scratches and scrapes down the headboard and walls, of course.

Embarrassed by his own lack of control, Otto swallowed nervously, arms still whirring and twitching around his shoulders. He was fully preparing to apologize for – something, anything, everything –

but Peter turned to face him and there was fierce determination in the lines etched across his face. “I’m staying here tonight,” he said, and it was so little like a question and so much like a statement that had Otto not been too shocked to move he would’ve found himself nodding. As it happened, he was too shocked to move, and Peter must have taken his shock to be horror, for he quickly shrunk into himself. He looked away, rubbing his neck, the determination fading. “If… if you want me to. That is.”

“I,” said Otto, who still couldn’t quite believe his ears. “If you – want to. Yes.”

Peter huffed. “Otto, I’m not staying unless you want me to. Yes or no?”

Otto opened his mouth.

“Nothing more than yes or no! I forbid you to say anything else!”

Otto closed his mouth. Looked away; couldn’t quite make himself face Peter like this. “…yes,” he admitted. He did want Peter there, after all – not much he could do about that wish.

Peter nodded. “Then I stay. Your bed’s large enough for two.”

Again Otto found himself too shocked to move, but he wiped the feeling away from himself and decided against complaining.

It wasn’t exactly… what he’d envisioned. But mere minutes later, when he climbed into bed and wrapped the covers around him – and Peter, without a word, curled up against him and fit so snugly against his chest, warm and soft and a heart beating against Otto’s own –

well, it wasn’t hard falling asleep after that.

*

(and Otto dreamt, but he did not dream of storms or thunder or fire or blood.)

(perhaps he did dream of Peter, but it was not obvious – only in that familiar warmth that surrounded him, only in that gentle smell that hung in the air, only in the distant echo of a laugh.)

(and Otto dreamt.)

*

He’s woken the next morning by birds chirping.

They’ve moved in their sleep – Peter is tucked into his elbow, curled up against his side, arm slung across his chest. The mechanical arms have surfaced during the night once again, but this time they’ve done no harm – lazily encircling the two of them, one draped across their thighs.

The metal is warm.

Otto isn’t fully awake just yet – for the first time in weeks his breathing comes easily, his heart beats with no problems – carelessness swells around him like sun-warmed honey.

And as he lies there, dozing and slipping in and out of consciousness, he turns his head to look down at Peter.

Some sunbeams have wormed their way in through the shredded curtains – one of them falls across Peter’s face, the other across his hair, caressing his skin and setting it ablaze.

(it is, quite frankly, the most beautiful sight Otto has ever seen.)

There’s a shudder, a twitch, something pulls on something deep inside of him –

and Otto is jostled awake at the realization that he’s in love.

To be so intelligent, he sure is oblivious.

“Peter,” he whispers – some part of him wants answers, but there’s also a part that doesn’t want to disturb his sleep – he looks so peaceful and calm, nothing like the way his expressions twist whenever he’s focused or angry or in pain. “Peter, wake up.”

Either he’s a very light sleeper or he was only dozing from before, for Peter opens one eye and glances up at him, shifting slightly with an incoherent mutter. “Whisit?”

Otto swallows, and he’s not wearing his glasses so he can’t see exactly what’s going on – “You said,” he tries, and then he has to swallow again and start anew. “You said you – loved me. When we – when I was – ”

“Mmh,” Peter says, resting his cheek rather than his chin against Otto’s chest. “I did.”

Otto licks his lips. “...past… tense?”

Peter makes a motion that’s most likely a headshake. “Present,” he says, and although it’s muffled and distorted by his cheek being pressed flush against Otto’s skin, it’s clear as day. “Still do.”

Otto closes his eyes, takes a deep breath –

(his heart sings his soul soars and he hasn’t ruined everything –)

– and tightens his hold on Peter. He pulls him closer, curls up around him, shifts enough to press a kiss to the top of his head, and says nothing.

Peter laughs, freeing one arm to sneak it around Otto’s back. “S’fine,” he says. “You don’t need to say anything. I know.”

And still Otto says nothing, but his heart beats and it beats calmly.

[areiton]

text me maybe

Summary:

He’s drunk and there’s a really hazy decade in the nineties that Rhodey looks pained when he even thinks about that says doing shit when he’s drunk is a bad idea.

There’s also a new building on MIT campus and a yearly donation that supports that theory.

But MIT and Rhodey are far away and that clunky black flip phone is not, and he snarls as he snatches it up and punches in the message.

It takes almost five minutes because the tech is obsolete and he is drunk but he does and he smiles at it, viciously pleased.

~*~

Chapter 3 of 4. Lots of angst and miscommunication and pining. Enjoy.

Read on AO3

~*~ 

The truth is--he doesn't do it on purpose.

He's sitting on the couch, in the middle of the morning, and something under his ass vibrates, and it--

It's a message.

Angry and hurt , and he stares at it for a long time, before he every decides to respond.

 ~*~

  He knows better, is the thing. He knows the right choice is--give the damn thing to Stevie, walk away. Don't make an already broken team even more fractured. He's done enough damage.

But there is Wanda's fury, when Stark's name is mentioned, the way Steve's mouth goes tight and unhappy, the way he looks at Bucky like he's reassuring himself that his best friend isn't dead.

He isn't. They're both fine, and even Sam and Wanda have been patched together. Natasha is quiet, especially now that Clint went back to his family and his farm, taking a voluntary house arrest to be with his family, and she doesn't get involved when Wanda starts spitting her fury at Stark.

They're all fine . They all walked away, even if it did take a prison break that stretched even his considerable skills.

Stark didn't.

Stark almost died in Siberia. He doesn't know if Stevie knows--but he kept an ear to the ground, hacked Tasha's computer to get the intel he wanted, and--he survived, but he was hospitalized for almost three weeks, and Rhodes was still recovering.

No one died--but Tony almost did, and he is still reaching out, furious and hurting, and almost begging for an answer.

He pockets the phone, and when Stevie mentions misplacing it, a few days later, he doesn't say anything.

Because it's almost relief, in his tone, at having lost that lifeline to his one-time friend. Because there is still righteous fury in his eyes, when he looks at the empty sleeve where Bucky's arm isn't .

Because he smiles, just a little, when Wanda mutters dark insults at the breakfast table, watching an SI press conference.

Because Tony--Tony was hurt, was almost killed, and maybe all of them fucked up, in Siberia and in the days before that showdown--but he thinks maybe Tony is the one who deserves an apology.

  ~*~

  You're right.

  I'm sorry.

  I'm so fucking sorry.

  ~*~

  It occurs to him, about the sixth message from Tony, that he should probably explain who he is.

That Steve isn't on the other end of these messages.

But Tony is so guarded, so defensive.

And there's the ugly, selfish truth:

Bucky is lonely.

He is so goddamn lonely.

He's on a team, for the first time in seventy years, has his best friend back at his side, and people who would throw themselves--had thrown themselves--into the line of fire without hesitation, and he felt more alone than he had when he was HYDRA's pet.

Steve watched him, constantly, big blue eyes hopeful and sad. Tasha watched him with wary caution tinged with disappointment. Wanda he avoided completely--she was a good kid, he was sure, Stevie said so, but she was created by HYDRA and she terrified him.

Sam--Sam was the closest to normal, quick to tease and snark, push Bucky on his bullshit. But he was wrapped up in Steve, head over heels pinning, and Bucky was on the outside of that, alone.

He was so fucking lonely, and the phone buzzing quiet in his pocket--made him wonder if maybe Tony was lonely too.

  ~*~

  He reads what he can about Stark. He's careful about it, but sometimes, when he hides behind his tablet, he can feel Tasha's gaze on him, and he looks up to see her watching, her green eyes narrow and far too knowing.

He ignores it. Ignores her, as much as he can, and reads.

Before the war, he wanted to see the future. Took Stevie and a couple dames to an expo, right before he shipped out, because it's the closest he was going to get. But what Howard Stark had displayed at that long ago expo--it's nothing compared to what his son does.

Tony is the future he's always wanted to see, and he gets to live in it, gets to listen to the man babble about his projects and chatter about his bots, and with every text--he doesn't know how to give this up.

He doesn't WANT to give this up.

  ~*~

  He sends pictures.

It's dangerous. He knows it's dangerous. But he can read the loneliness in Tony.

Honey bear went back to DC today. I know I can't keep him here--but the man broke his back, I thought I'd get him longer than this.

Pepper is dating Norman fucking Osborne. Norman. I think that's a step below Hammer.

He's lonely, and he can see that same loneliness reflect back at him, and he does it impulsively, sitting in Paris because Natasha's safe houses are only ever in the middle of huge cities and in the middle of fucking nowhere.

He sends it, and Tony is teasing him, gentle and sweet, about being alone, and Bucky drinks his too-sweet coffee and savors the feeling like, maybe--maybe they aren't.

Maybe together, like this, neither of them are alone.

  ~*~

  He doesn't understand the accords.

Or maybe it would be better to say--he doesn't understand Stevie's reaction to the Accords.

They're watching a tiny TV. Stark is at a narrow table by himself, sunglasses perched on his face, arguing with representatives from around the world.

He looks tired, Bucky thinks, and touches the phone in his pocket.

"He's an idiot," Steve says, softly. It's the first thing he's said since they turned the damn thing on.

"He's trying to improve them," Natasha says. She's not against the Accords, Bucky knows. Of all of the Rogues, she's most likely to sign them. "That right there, what he's doing--he's trying to find the middle ground so we go home."

"No one asked him to do that," Steve says stubbornly.

"No one would," Tasha says, even and a little cold. "No one had to."

She leaves, and for a long time, no one says anything. Then, cautiously, Wilson says, "I could sign them. If he can get these concessions made--I could sign them."

"Sam," Steve says, and he sounds--shocked. Almost betrayed.

Sam flushes and looks away. "We didn't because as they were--they didn't work. But this puts the power in our hands, and yeah, we gotta answer to the committee--but Steve, we should have to be accountable to someone other than ourselves."

Bucky is silent. He doesn't get to have an opinion about this--or maybe he does, but he knows Steve sure as hell doesn't want to hear it.

He rubs his finger over the phone and pulls up the current version of the Accords.

If he is going to have an opinion--he sure as hell wants it to be an informed one.

  ~*~

  Wanda treats Stark like a monster, her eyes narrow with barely contained hate when she talks about him. She treats him like something to be afraid of, something to protect yourself from at best and destroy at worse.

"Stark hurt her," Steve explains, and Bucky snorts.

Because he didn't. Something he created did.

But the image that Wanda presents doesn't match the one that he has, happy, goofy inventor who bitches about his bots.

  U put motor oil in my smoothie.

  They're trying to kill me. Skynet is finally happening.

  Bucky smiles.

  Maybe they're giving you oil because you give them oil.

  You take good care of them, they're trying to do the same.

  He gets a picture of DUM-E with a truly horrific looking smoothie.

  Nope. Gonna die. Remember me fondly.

  And watch Terminator. You and your frozen buddy would appreciate it, I think.

  He pockets the phone after that, not wanting to deal with the inescapable fact that Tony still didn't know who he was actually talking to.

But he held that image in his mind, when Wanda ranted about how horrible he was, a put upon, fond smile and a bot nudging him with a black sludgy smoothie and laughter sparkling in dark brown eyes.

He thinks maybe--maybe his team never knew Stark. Not if they believe a man that gentle and patient with his children could ever be anything but kind.

  ~*~

  Tony talks about Pepper and Rhodes and Happy all the time, the three satellites that orbit him like he's the sun. He knows who they are--one dark night, when the team was sleeping and Tony was quiet and he couldn't stop or distract himself, he looked them all up,  reading everything he could find about the pretty CEO of Stark Industries, the decorated Colonel, the man who seemed to be in love with Potts and devoted to Tony.

The next day, three files appeared on his tablet and Tasha smiled at him, sphinx-like and lovely.

He didn't thank her.

But he did read the files, devouring the information.

He *knows that Tony doesn't have many friends, many people he's close to--and he knows who those people are.

And then he gets the text.

  Pete says I’m happier.

  And his whole world kinda screeches to a halt because there's someone else.

A man, who Tony cares about.

Cares about enough to actually mention, and that--he doesn't know what to say, and doesn't know *how to feel, so he shoves the phone away.

  ~*~

  It takes three days for him to admit--he's jealous.

He's jealous .

And if he's jealous--he has no fucking right to be jealous is the thing.

Tony is allowed to be happy, with whoever manages to make him that way. Bucky has no claim to that.

If this faceless Peter can make him happy--who the hell is Bucky to take that away.

  You ok? Been quiet.

  I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind.

  Want to share with the class? I'm not always good at listening but I always try.

  He pauses, considering.

He wants to say, I'm jealous. I don't want you seeing Peter.

He wants to say, I'm falling for you and it's the best thing to happen to me in seventy years.

He wants to say, I'm not Steve and I would never hurt you the way he did.

He doesn't.

He doesn't say anything, and eventually the phone goes quiet and still in his hand and he closes his eyes and breathes through the ache in his chest and tries not to hate a man he's never met for loving the man he wants.

  ~*~

  "Do you know what you're doing, Yasha?" Tasha asks, one night. The phone is loose in his hand and a beer that will do nothing to get him drunk is dangling from his metal fingertips and he blinks at her, lazily. Her bright, avid gaze is trained on that damn phone, and he shrugs.

"Don't hurt him," she warns, and vanishes down the dark hallway, leaving him alone with his churning thoughts.

  ~*~

  Peter is a child.

A teen with a big smile and adoring eyes and—if Tony is to believed and Bucky has made a habit of believing him at this point—a brilliant mind.

He’s a child, and Tony—

  I'm not dating. Not since Potts left me. There were a few one night stands but not--not for a while.

  Not since before we started talking.

There it is, spelled out in grainy pixelated green and black.

It shouldn’t give him as much hope as it does.

It shouldn’t fill him up with dread.

  ~*~

  He curls in Tasha’s bed, his phone silent and still in his hand, and says, “I think I love him.”

She pets his hair, and he nestles into her lap. “What do I do?”

“Tell him the truth. He deserves that.”

“Will I lose him?” he asks, watching her, because she won’t lie. Not to him, not about this.

“You might. But if you don’t tell him—you’ll never really have him.”

  ~*~

  Is it selfish of me to say I'm glad?

  I want to keep you all to myself.

  I know you have Pete, have Rhodes--but I hate them sometimes, for seeing you, for getting to see your smiles and hearing your laugh. Is that stupid?

  You asked what i'd want if I were there. i wish I could show you, baby. I wish I could touch you.

  We're leaving here, soon. I don't know where we're going.

  Tony, please talk to me. I know you're scared, sweetheart, but I promise I'd never hurt you.

  You got no reason to trust me. I know that.

  There's--we--

  He hesitates over the picture. He’s never sent pictures of himself, or any of the team—to big of a security risk, too much of a chance Tony would put it together, that he wasn’t talking to Steve.

But he wants to send this.

He pushes send before he can talk himself out of it.

  PICTURE ATTACHED

  I want to go home. I'm so tired, Tony.

  And scared. I wish--I wish things were different.

  i need to talk to you and i'm so scared.

  I know--we have to talk. Not like this. But soon. We have to talk.

  We're going out on a mission. I'll text when we get home.

  ~*~

The mission goes to hell, and he sees the messages—two—from Tony when he turns on his phone, but he can hear the gushing of Steve’s heart behind him, and terror is bright and coppery on his tongue, and he says, “Stevie got hurt.”

  ~*~

  Tasha squeezes his hand, and steps away, steps down the ramp, and he swallows the fear in his throat as he follows the rest of the team.

Tony—Tony is standing there, near Rhodes, beautiful and fragile, his eyes big and bright and hurt as he watches Steve in Sam’s arms, and yeah.

Maybe he had a chance. Maybe those feelings weren’t one sided.

Too late, now, he thinks, and reaches out, phone in hand.

He sees the fury and hurt and grief in Tony’s eyes, a moment before they go blank, and a heartbeat before Tony punches him and he thinks, this is exactly what I deserve.