#and I’m not sorry about bc if you are gonna tell me three different things and change plans three different times LAST MINUTE

[nobody7102]

.

[em-harlsnow]

i’m dangerously obsessed w the idea of ian and mickey doing tiktok trends. not posting them, just doing them for a laugh.

maybe it’s coz i’m single so have no one to do them with but EITHER WAY it’s so cute.

like there’s a 54321 texting one i can imagine ian doing if they were separated for like a night for babysitting or somthing.

ian: hey can i ask u somthing

mick: yh y

(sorry i fully think he’s a rlly dry texter)

ian: it’s another trend

mick: ffs

: fine

ian: what’s five things u like about me

mick: jfc

: idk lemme think

ian: ur not meant to have to think

mick: well i need 2 think of my top 5

ian: hurry up

mick: hair, stupid puns, freckles, hands, arms

ian: you like my puns?

mick: i laugh at them not with them

ian: right

: well next question

: what’s four things i like

mick: me me me me

ian: ur not funny

mick: fine

: tomatoes, van damme, movie nights, ass, nice dinner

ian: that’s five

mick: i didn’t think u wld accept ass

ian: okay well it’s accurate so

: next one what’s three things u would change about me

mick: that’s a trap if i ever saw one

ian: it’s not

mick: idk man

ian: just say

mick: nah i rlly dk

: shitty movie taste, being friends with lip, telling me what to do

ian: i don’t tell you what to do

mick: you told me to do laundry

ian: well ur lazy so that’s fair enough

: next one

: what’s two things that make me happy

mick: franny, when i hold ur hand bc u think it’s cute but u always walk like ur gonna fall into the road so it’s not cute it’s stopping u from dying

ian: it is cute and i don’t walk close to the road

mick: whatever

ian: last one

: what makes me different from other ppl

mick: bright ass hair

: jk

: idk ur like kind and stuff

ian: lots of people are kind mick

mick: not rlly

: i did ur stupid game

ian: i liked ur answers

mick: good can u send me ur dick then

ian: jfc ur a nightmare

mick: yup send it

[pixelxgore]

hers a billfold wip as a treat i changed his face bc i have free will

The art is to encourage you to read my silly little insanity (you should totally do it btw)

I'm dyslexic so sorry if anything is spelled grotesquely wrong lol autocorrect sometimes has no idea what i’m trying to spell

Starting with my head cannon because every thing will make more sense with it (or it wont that's entirely up to you) Imma try my best to make this enjoyable

So I head cannon both bill and ford as aspec this is important for the rest trust (I'm Aroace myself so some of my words are based of of experience ) being aroace doesn't mean you can't have a toxic one-sided relationship with a triangle

(most of this is pretty vanilla but I still wanna talk about it)

I believe it started of as a one-sided relationship on fords part (wow shocker) but it wasn't really love because he's ace it was more of infatuation (this stems from the fact he is a science boy and like ooo demon triangle thing) mistaken for love (I'm pretty sure this is common among aroace people or I just had an original experience) and maybe bill had just a little bit of the same feeling but instead of infatuation it was just pure obsession and when they had there little “tragic break up” and bill finally came to realize his obsession and it consumed him (idk i think that how abusive obsession is) and he realized he can’t live with out ford (i man he can but unhealthy obsession) and thus bills one sided relationship with ford where he just tries to get his puppet back but can’t figure out why he needs him so bad so he comes to the (subconscious) cuncultion there in love (because of course that’s the reasonable decision) and then you all know what comes after

I think bill has major will wood music vibes so I have nominated three songs of his for bill ford (cuz I'm genuinely going insane over them)

This is for fun and based off my head cannons

All of my discussions are made purely of the vibes the song gives me and how cool than animation in my head looks so take everything you know about these will wood songs and throw it out the window cuz none of that is relevant :3

i saw someone say “Will Wood songs can really be interpreted in different ways, and most of them seem like wisps of similar thought rather than a concrete narrative, so you're always a little bit right and wrong when you take a guess.” and i think you should keep that in mined

(I'm gonna embarrass myself so hard (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) )

I'm not gonna elaborate much but just trust me ok I put it kind of in chronological order

fords one sided relationship with bill: ...well, better than the alternative

Ok so this one is the least perfect out of all of them cuz it only half what I want (obviously this song is a stretch but hear me out) It's mostly for the like the last half of the song (remember what I said about throwing out the meaning for get that i lied) this song about the struggle ls of growing up and is a heartfelt plea to be understood and accepted for who we are (which obviously ford was a wired kid) and this kinda ties into the one-sided infatuation because it also is about the romanticism of nostalgic love, and the pressure of society telling you to find someone and "settle down" as we get older (witch yk aroace can’t really do that) so he’s grasping at the fact that he is enamored with this demon he just summoned (because science) so he can come up with this narrative in his head of how he is in love and can finally fit at least one of the societal boxes (idk it sounds like something to me probly ooc but I'm having fun)

bills one sided relationship with ford: ¡Aikido!

obsession with someone and how people often use coping mechanisms such as drugs to help with their feelings of uncertainty and helplessness. (yes this is copied not fully of a site this is tumblr not an english assignment) it also explores the idea that love and obsession can often manifest in neurotic and even pathological behavior.(oooo oooo look i’m so smart like staring the apocalyps) i’m not this cool this whole thing started with the first like whit h is “I apologize for playing with your eyes But I’m obsessed with you” witch reminded me of how bill used for as a puppet and then yk fords whole world came crashing down (this one explained its self more i have to do less mental gymnastics) and he’s like im sooo sorry i can’t live with out you

there whole relationship from the deal to the end of bill: Misanthrapologist ("In case I make it,"

Outtake)

ok this one is the one that mostly made of vibes because the song is about an unhappy codependent relationship through metaphors of christianity, nihilism, outer space, and mozart (witch only really encompasses a portion of the relationship) the song stars with “I wanna meet your make Shake him by his ensanguined damask lapel Holler "Look what you've done Gave this planet a sun And made a man to wonder if he's more than the sum of his cells"” which makes me personally think of obviously the deal fore made with bill and how bill stroked his ego all the way through there partnership um you can see where i goes from here just go listen to the song

ok this one’s off topic and only for my imaginary animation but the line “So how could I stand a chance, let alone dance With the way you sweep me off these two left feet?” just like imagine this with me it’s bill (human probably cuz i don’t work with the triangle) and young ford in the minedskape thing and its bill dipping ford and when it goes down it switches to bill and fort in bills pyramid thing with ford chained up do you see the vision ok I’m done now (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

[olympiansowl]

I’m gonna do a thread of why I think that Miriel will live. First, I’m not exactly a Tolkien expert, I still have to finish a lot of his books, but I’m gonna point out why I think killing her isn’t the best choice, not only from the “I love her and she’s my fav” line but from the “it doesn’t make sense to me as audience/reader" line. And, at the end, i will say why I think she will die. I am torn on this topic.

1 - The hints i talked about previously. Galadriel tells Miriel that she doesn't have to choose the path of fear and that she can choose the path of faith. We see that Miriel is really afraid of that faith because her father was forced out of his throne for it and, at the top, because she knows Numenor will be destroyed. She, eventually, makes a choice and we see that she has chosen faith. In the books, we know very little about her, but in the series we are actually seeing how much of an effort she’s making to follow the right path. Another hint, that might not be a hint, is the scene with that wood dolls (I don’t know the name in English, sorry) and Galadriel is saving Miriel from a dark place. Might hint that maybe something different will save Miriel in the end and it also might mean that she actually just accepted the Gods and made the right choice. Another one, that might be my favorite one: the DAMN EAGLES! Really, every single time we saw them in adaptation, it was to save someone. They saved Frodo, Sam, Gandalf, Thorin and his whole company…I know the eagle it’s sign on the scene, it shows that Miriel is the rightful Queen and in the books we see that they also disappear bc of her grandfather and bc of Pharazon, but they’re connected to the Gods, so I’m a little bit hopeful.

2 - THE GODS! Forgive me, guys, but Gods are supposed to be merciful, you know? Specially those Gods! Like, they know who tries and who doesn’t. They send giant birds to coronations and they also made clouds, like eagles but in clouds, appear on the sky to warn Numenor that they weren’t pleasing them. They see everything and not her efforts? Like bitch please there’s no way they don’t see that Miriel has been suffering like Jesus!

3 - Why her death doesn’t make sense to me in the books and why it won’t make sense if she dies like that in the series: she’s a good one. And the really, extremely good ones that I read about didn’t die. Not only that, but like I said, that woman is suffering too much to just die? When we watch a series that a woman suffers too much, she never dies. I can point a lot of female characters that suffered for at least three lives and are still out there surviving the most dangerous and traumatizing things. For me, it didn’t make sense for Tolkien to kill her just for the sake of narrative because her death doesn’t impact other arcs. Numenor was already destroyed, she was not a Queen anymore because she didn’t have a kingdom. I think he just killed her because he didn’t want to go too much into her, because it doesn’t make sense for a man that portrays faith in the way he does, to just kill of a character that has been faithful and tried to do the best for her people. In the series, she’s more explored and we actually see her efforts. She got blinded, usurped, might be forced to marry, will pass through a damn trial with a giant sea monster…all that, and all that fucking magic, and girl can’t be saved? Be fr. The actress said she had to get a license, so Miriel will probably be underwater for a time and I do believe Numenorians have some elvish blood on them, even if it’s little…she has to live.

4 - Now as a viewer. I heard, don’t know if it’s true, that they can change how a character will die, but not if that person will survive or not. Like Saruman. He dies in a different way, but still dies. So, to me, as a viewer and seeing how they’re writing female characters, it would make more sense for Miriel to die in battle. And on the last battle, alongside the others. Miriel seems to be more rational, so I have trouble thinking that she might just die while trying to make everything right. I am not the producers or the writers, so I don’t know how they would write the rest of her arc, but I could only hope to see her with Elendil, building a new kingdom. I also want to know the point of Earien. I love the actress and I know that the character is young but like…she helped usurp a Queen, using her faith against her…the same faith her father has 🤡 and she’s doing all that bc her brother decided to go to war. He could’ve stayed but he wanted to go. Why tf this girl is blaming Miriel?

5 - As a viewer again: yes, for her to die in Numenor and all might make sense bc she fought to save that damn city, but she’s also worried about its people. Like, all the faithful are supposed to leave the island and those are the ones that are faithful not only to the gods, but to her…why would she stay on that damn city? She knows how this story will end.

7 - Why I think she might die: her arc with Elendil. I love them so much it hurts, but I think they’re going to build the “she’s going to make something out of me” kinda o story line. He became her eyes and she will teach him what she knows about being a leader. Lloyd said something like that in an interview and I couldn’t agree more, because she will hear what he sees and he will hear her interpretations. The feelings they have for each other will affect their path and her death will be his ultimate push to be a leader and honor her memory. What I think to be incredibly sad is that she will drown, trying to save her city. And his late wife also drowned while trying to save their son. A parallel, a sad one.

8 - What I hope for: hope is the last one to go. I would like to see her being saved by the eagle and marrying Elendil, or at least building the city with him. It would be amazing.

9 - Make noise on social media if y’all want the magical eagle to save that woman.

[ladylooch]

Drunk Me with Mat Barzal 

A/N: The people wanted angsty and fluffy. So, here is is :D 

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: Drunk, Swearing, Angst, smidge of smut but I’m not gonna slap a warning on it cause I kept it PG13 (you’re welcome or I’m sorry?).

All the promises I made to myself before I got to the bar tonight have been broken.

Don’t think about Mat.

Don’t mix your alcohols.

Don’t cry in the bathroom.

Each one of them is smashed to smithereens on the wet, worn floor of the bar in our hometown of Coquitlam, BC.

At that realization, I suck up the last of my “I swear this is my last” vodka soda. 

I look to my left where my best friend, Maggie, is laughing with her new boyfriend. I scoff bitterly. We were supposed to be hot messes together this summer coming off long-term relationship break ups. Now, she’s moving on with the new love of her life, while I’m left to wallow about Mat being back in town.

Mat and I broke up months ago. Nothing crazy even happened between us. It was just the reality that we were at a pivotal relationship moment and I couldn’t do it. Mat said we are both on different paths, growing in different directions, but I don’t see it. Things were good how they were. He ruined it. Maybe on purpose. Maybe it was all just an excuse for him. Maybe Mat wants to fuck puck bunnies. I don’t know. All I do know is there is a gaping hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be.

My chest is now heavy with grief and I consider going to the bar to get another vodka soda. But the neon signs are already spinning and another sip of alcohol will have me back in the bathroom, clutching a public toilet. A heat wave surges through my body and agitation crawls on my skin as I look at Maggie again. So much for girls’ night. Her new boyfriend showed up with a group of his friends and it became clear why we came here when I wanted to go somewhere else. Anywhere else. I hate this bar. Mat and I used to sit in that corner booth, disappearing from our friend group to touch each other and whisper the hot things we would do later.

It hurts to be here. 

“I need some air.” I announce to the bar, lifting my long hair off my neck as a wave of nausea rolls through me.

Mat was wrong. We haven’t grown apart. We just… grew up, together, and yeah, I didn’t want to move to New York, but what was wrong with what we had? I flew out there regularly. I stayed for weeks until I had to leave the country again. It wasn’t my fault the U.S. government is so strict. Mat did bring up getting me a special visa that the other Islander’s girls utilized. But it felt too… daunting. After I said no, he started creating distance, then he came home just to leave me.

I should have said yes. I know that now. And I’ve gone back to that moment weekly since he’s been gone. Every time, I say the right thing.

I let my hair fall back onto my neck once I’m outside. Anger burns in my rib cage, fueling an unreasonable reaction. I decide, drunkenly and months later, that he had no right to ask me to move to New York. He put me on the spot. It’s my life and I get to choose for me. But he made it an ultimatum without even telling me. If he would have said move here or break up, I would have at least known what I was up against!

And I’m going to tell him that.

Before my rational brain can catch up, my phone is out of my pocket and in my hand. I pound at his name, once, twice, three times until I actually get the call to go through with my swirling vision.

“Hello?” He’s groggy and my stomach lurches out of my abdomen at the thought of him in bed.

“You know, I have something to say to you.” I slur at him. I ignore the way my throat tightens at the sound of his sigh.

“Y/N?” I can practically hear him rubbing his eyes sleepily on the other line. It is getting close to bar close and he sounds like he’s been asleep. I hear rustling on the other end.

“Are you with someone?” I whisper before I can stop it.

“No?” I suck in a breath at his sharp tone. “Where are you?”

“At Pete’s.” I say, making my way over to the wall and leaning against it.

“Are you with someone?”

“I was with Maggie, but she’s sucking some guy’s face right now. I just want to go home.” I kick at a pebble with my boot, not even registering the whining and desperation in my voice.

“Is that what you called to tell me?”

“I… guess.” I squish my eyes together. Mat is quiet on the other end. The silence in the air is filled with tension as I watch people leave the entertainment district, catching rides and heading to their beds, most of them not alone unlike me. It makes my skin crawl, thinking of my empty bed where he should be, holding me and stroking my bare skin after a night of loving each other. I purse my lips. “Will you come get me?” I beg quietly, tears filling my voice.

More silence.

“I’ll be there in five.” He finally says as I hear him walking through his bedroom to get dressed again.

“Okay.” I click end, then lean back against the brick wall to wait.

His expensive black car rolls up, dark tinted windows making it difficult to see inside. He comes to a stop in front of me as people on the sidewalk stretch their necks to get a peek of who it might be. I suck my cheeks in, watching as his driver’s side door opens. He stands, turning to look at me still leaning against the wall. His black Adidas shirt is stretched wide across his chest. His arms rest against the door and the top of his car as he takes me in. My make up has long since peaked, so black mascara smudges around my eyes along with smeared pink lipstick.

“Let’s get you home.” He finally calls to me. I push off from the wall, glancing at the passerby’s who study us curiously. Everyone in this town knows Mat. They know me too, but mostly as his ex-girlfriend. They wonder what we are doing together now. I reach the passenger side door, popping it open after stealing one last glance at his face. He looks so good, nothing like he was just fast asleep until a pathetic girl called him into the nightlife.

“Are you okay?” He asks, the clicking of his blinker filling the car. I nod my head. “Do you still live in the same place?” I wince, hating the reality that he hasn’t been over since the Islanders were in town in January.

“Yeah.” I finally respond. I pull my phone out, texting Maggie that I went home so she doesn’t worry about me. I don’t bother telling her with whom.

I thought I missed Mat earlier tonight, but being in this car, feeling his heat and smelling his body wash is a whole new level of ache. I shouldn’t have called him. I should have Lyfted home and deleted his number. 

“This is nice.” I motion to the vehicle.

“Thanks. I wanted an upgrade from last year.” I think of the instagram stories he shared from New York with his big breasted rebound.

“In many areas.” I snort, my drunkenness becoming obvious to him with my loose tongue. Thankfully, Mat lets that comment slide off into the darkness, never to be mentioned again.

“How’s your mom doing?” He asks, switching to a seemingly safety subject.

“She’s good. She has this huge collection of jewelry she’s been making for the county fair. Tons and tons of really great pieces. She’s proud of how it’s all coming together. My brother is even building these cool floating-” I stop abruptly. The county fair I’m talking about is the place Mat and I had our first kiss six years ago. I don’t want to remember that night right now. Mat turns, expecting me to continue. “Yeah, she’s good.” I finish, looking out the windshield as he slows to a red light.

“That’s cool. Maybe I’ll stop by the fair to see her this year. It’s been awhile since I’ve been…” He trails off like he’s getting lost in a memory. I’m not self-centered enough to believe it’s about us. An uncomfortable silence descends that makes Mat cough before attempting small talk again.

“Um, how are you?” He wonders, thumb stroking against the leather of his steering wheel. The air conditioning blows heavily on my arms, making goosebumps tighten my skin. I push the vents to face away. Mat reaches for the air control, mumbling an apology.

“I’m… fine.” I finally settle on. “You?”

“Can’t complain.” He shrugs, turning onto my street.

“Thanks for coming to get me.” I tell him as he pulls to a stop in front of my building. He puts the car in park, but keeps the car running. I undo my seatbelt, slowly letting it fall back into the door. I turn to look at him, dying inside at his beautiful gaze looking back at me.

“You’re welcome. Glad you’re safe… and okay.” His eyebrows are furrowed as he stares down at the stereo rather than back at me.

I wait for another moment. I’m not sure what more I am expecting from this. Unfortunately, my drunken mind fills in the silence with more thoughts of us and New York. I can still see the devastated look on his face when I said no to moving. I hate how things ended with us. I hate my contribution to it and I hate that it’s so damn awkward being with him now. I purse my lips together, feeling emotion clog the back of my throat. I reach for the handle, pushing the door open and stepping out. I toss my purse back onto my shoulder, then lean down to meet his gaze again.

“I’m sorry.” I say to him, poking my head back into the car. I can’t let him leave without him knowing that.

“For what?” He asks, hand gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles.

“For not moving to New York.” I shut the door, expecting to hear his car peel off into the street. Instead, the purr behind me ceases. The pop of his door follows.

“You can’t just say that to me and walk away. I know you’re drunk, but that is not fair.”

“I’m just being honest.” I shrug, reaching for my keys in my purse, thankful they are still there. His footsteps get closer until his fingers reach around to grab my keys from my hand. He touches the fob to the door and holds it open for me to walk through. I pause, studying him. His long black hair flows against his forehead in a large curl that adds to his sexy agitation. 

“Go, please. I can’t not walk you up. It doesn’t feel right.” He waves me in.

“You don’t need to do me anymore favors.”

“It’s not for you.” He shakes his head, following me into the building. I press the up button on the elevator, then select 4 for my floor.

Mat and I look at each other. I’ve made something shifted between us. I wonder if he feels it too. The depth of his eyes makes me think he does, but the truth is, I don’t know Mat as well as I used to. He’s changed in the last six months. Yet, my feelings for him are just as consuming. All the things I want to say to him are pressing into my tongue until it feels like I’m choking on the words. I’m too drunk and lonely and I miss the way it feels when he hugs me. I drop my gaze from his, lips twisting into a grimace.

Mat opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but in the end he doesn’t. We walk silently down to my apartment. Mat still has my keys in his hand. Slowly, he brings them between us for me to grab. Now, our transaction is done. He’s walked me to the door. I have my keys. How do we say goodbye?

“Thank you.” I finally say, turning to put the key in the door and flipping the lock.

“Call anytime. I’ll always be here for you.” Mat says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “Goodnight.” He gradually turns to walk back to the elevator.

“Mat.” I hear myself sputter.

Uh oh.

“Yeah?” He asks, turning around, eyebrows furrowed like he’s struggling internally.

“Will you stay? I don’t think I can be alone.”

Unexpectedly, Mat agrees then walks back to me. Once I push the door open, he goes casually towards my bedroom like he has hundreds of times before, pulling his shirt over his head as he goes. The defined muscles of his back make my mouth go dry. 

Our bodies go into autopilot, getting undressed and ready for bed in the way we always used to. It isn’t long before we are both under the blankets, firmly on our own sides of the mattress. Timidly, I feel Mat reach for me. I take his hand, letting him roll me onto my side so we are looking at each other, legs touching. The darkness masks our faces in shadows.

“Mat?”

“Hm?” His breathy grunt is warm against my forehead.

“Do you think of me when you’re in New York?”

“Of course I do. Why else would I be here?” I contemplate that for a moment, then continue.

“Are you going to regret this tomorrow?”

“Only if you do.”

- - - 

The next morning, I awaken to sunlight rudely brightening my room. I groan into my pillow, feeling around for the spare pillow on the other side of the bed to bring back darkness. Instead of cotton, I come in contact with a face. Everything in my stills. I don’t remember much from last night, except a faint memory of fingers stroking my back. Did we…?

“It’s me and no we didn’t do anything.” I hear Mat say. His voice is deep and rich from sleep. It puts me at ease. Until he reaches across the bed, pulling me into his body. It’s so intimate as he seals my butt to his lap, back to his chest. His hand snakes around my stomach, holding me in place.

“What are you doing?”

“I need to tell you something, but I want to feel you in my arms while I do.” I still, barely breathing as I feel his calm heartbeat against my back. “I shouldn’t have asked you to move to New York. It was too much. I didn’t think you were going to say no, and I still don’t quite understand why you did, but I respect your choice.” My eyes close and I settle myself deeper into his body. He responds with a tighter grip on me, nose pressing to my shoulder until he speaks again. “I’ve been missing you… and us… When you called last night, and asked me to stay, I felt happy for the first time in awhile. I fucked everything up.” I put my hand on his over my stomach, interlocking our fingers together.

“Mat, I ruined this. I should have said yes. I was just really scared. What if I moved there and it didn’t work out? How was I going to come back here after that? I never let myself consider how much better it could have been. And I should have."

“You know, there is still time for you to change your mind. We could start slow. You move into my place here. Then, you move one suitcase at a time to New York until somehow all your stuff is there?” I smile, turning to press my lips into his forearm beneath my head. I want that. Desperately.

“On one condition.”

“Anything. Probably.” His lips brush against my neck as he speaks, practically kissing me. Each brush has lightning bolting through my veins. He gathers the courage to fully press his lips on my neck. I bring my hand around, holding his face to my skin, savoring his sweet touch.

“Tell me you’re still in love with me.” I whisper.

“Of course I am.” He murmurs. “How could I stop?”

“You’re the love of my life, Mat Barzal.” I turn awkwardly in his arms so our lips can connect. We make out. Every month, week and day we have spent apart has us greedily sucking each other. His hands run down my body, gripping my ass in his palms as I hook a leg over him.

“Somethings never change.” He says against my mouth, teeth connecting with my lips as he laughs. “Your nights at Pete’s still ends with mornings like this.” Mat ruts our hips together, building our excitement.

I think back to the promises I made in this bed last night before I went out, laughing at how each one of those broken agreements lead me to exactly where I wanted to be anyway.

Thank you, drunk me.

[01zfan]

don’t know if you’ve already talked about this but can you take us through your writing process? do you write on a computer or your phone? how do you find the motivation? do you make a plan before writing or do you just wing it? do you read/listen to anything for inspiration? how many words do you write in one sitting? how do you tackle a writing slump? 😁😁😁😁🤍

omg first of all thank you so much for your interest in my writing it really means alot agh. i do talk about my process here and here but i will gladly talk more about it because i LUV talking about writing heh.

usually my writing process begins one of two ways. i either have a concept of what i want to do that comes to me as a fleeting idea while im working on a screenplay or an assignment. sometimes i save it in my memory but sometimes i’ll write it really quick in my notes so i don’t lose it. the other way i get ideas is from the requests you guys send me! it inspires me alot, definitely a majority of my fics are from requests you guys have sent me. my favorite thing is when i can put multiple requests together to kinda curate a really good fic for you guys (and that way i get to do multiple peoples requests in one go!)

once i have the idea i usually write a bulk of it on my computer. i’m honestly a very impulsive writer when it comes to fanfiction so i used to jump around alot when i was writing. like for example i remember when i was writing argue with you part three i jumped around alot to different parts of the story and then kinda bridged the gaps. sometimes i’ll jump around to different fanfics i’m working on as well like sometimes i’ll be working on three at a time just jumping around to wherever my mind goes. i used to write straight through all the way to build my tolerance of making a linear story but now i just kinda go with whatever i feel like. i write on my phone too, but mainly when i write on my phone im tweaking stuff and editing bc i’m usually on the go when i’m on my phone. (i have edited so many fics and perfected smut scenes on public transit LMFAO)

i find the motivation to write because i love it a whole lot like it’s kind of hard to explain it but it’s like an innate part of me now to write and always wanting to write. like sometimes i can’t go to sleep until i write something whether it’s an assignment, a screenplay, a fanfic, a journal entry etc. i haven’t gone a single day without writing something in god knows how long. so i’ve never been too much in a writing slump, usually i just read where i left off and let my mind run from there. i find motivation also in reading books and other authors work. i don’t usually listen to music when i’m writing, unless it’s a request or i hear a song that reminds me of a member and an idea comes from that.

i truthfully wing most of the fics i write on here especially if it’s a request i kinda just go with a vibe and follow it till i eventually reach the end. i’m always driven by the same goal to kinda make it read like a reformatted screenplay to kinda transport you there. i think personally i did this the best with in the middle and should’ve told me. but sometimes i’m really driven by story and personalization of the members like i did with bike peg, your birthday, and trigger finger. i really want to become a better writer at feelings and incorporating more analogies and figurative language in my writing because i think it would take me to the next level. human like me was like a very amateur teaser of what i want to write (not as tragic of course but just very emotionally driven)

i genuinely couldn’t tell you the most i’ve ever written in one sitting. i’m gonna say 5-6k words because i wrote non-refundable in one sitting and i was also jumping around writing other stuff while i was woking on that one (i guess i can consider sungchan as a muse?)

sorry if i talked too much but i really love writing a whole bunch i could talk about it till the cows come home. if you ever want me to break down certain passages or excerpts in my fic and how i came up with it i would love to do that so freaking much you have no idea. once again thank you for asking and having an interest in my writing process :D

[gffa]

Oh my word, thank you for such a lovely, detailed reply to my ask about comics???? I was expecting to be redirected to some links or blogs, which is ofc great too, but thanks so much for taking the time to type out and formulate all that for me?? I’ve never actually read a comic before so your first paragraph was a bit mind blowing (I had no idea comics worked like that, I thought each comic was like a chapter in the same book ahaha). I also had NO idea about the different eras but it already makes so much of what I’ve seen from the fandom make so much more sense, so thank you for that! (It’s reminds me, like, where people in history never bothered to write down stuff they thought was obvious bc it was obvious to them and then people came along and went ???, so following with this metaphor, thank you for making me “???” lol)

Anyways, sorry, super rambly ask, but thank you so much for taking the time and effort to reply so succinctly and also thoroughly, and also explaining what pieces of media are significant and why so… like seriously, that was so nice of you and I’m??? Ajahwjehrh??? Thank you sssm, once my exams are over I’m definitely gonna have a new media obsession :)

Aww, you're very welcome! I'm glad that I could help ease the way for you! As someone who started with Batman: The Animated Series and Batman Beyond as my first real understanding of these characters (cultural osmosis doesn't count!), it was kind of a hard leap into comics, trying to understand how all of this fit together. To be fair, I don't want to give the impression that there's no coherency in comics from one author to another--it's very clear that a lot of authors are big fans of other authors' runs or they're building on stuff that came before their own run, but I emphasize the lack of consistency between authors because you absolutely cannot rely on that consistency being there, even if it often happens. You cannot pick up a comic from 20 years ago and expect the story to be exactly the same, because it's constantly being retold--authors want to be able to tell flashback stories at multiple points in the timeline, like take Dick Grayson, that "Robin & Batman" series I recommended is a retelling of their early days, of how Dick came up with the Robin costume, and it changes things (like gave him pants this time around, which I'm fine with) and I love that we can get retellings, because now I get to choose if I want to read that one or one of the older ones! We get a lot of really fun new stories able to be told, updated versions that weren't written back in the 1940s with different social norms, and I think that helps keep the comics fresh and interesting! And you're not wrong that some comics are like a different chapter in a single book! That's what Star Wars comics are aiming to be (well, within their own three distinct continuities) or what a lot of non-mainline DC/Marvel comics are like. It's just the main shared world superhero comics are a constantly shifting landscape! (To be fair to fandom not talking about a lot of this, it's also because the different eras are HELLA complicated to talk about if you haven't been reading comics regularly and broadly for 20+ years, like I had a solid grip on things until I left, and now I've been back for five months and I'm STILL fuzzy on just what Dawn of DC even is. It's hard to talk about stuff when you have a fuzzy idea of something, enough to pick up a comic and read, but can't explain high level detail in a post that would take you an hour just to write out all the weird little connections that lead up to an event!) But also thank you for letting me know your level of familiarity with cultural osmosis and what you're interested in getting into! Often times it's hard to know, "Okay, do I have to explain the different Robins or has cultural osmosis taught you enough that we can skip straight to the finer details?" because I love writing out broader views of the characters, but I don't want to patronize someone who is just looking for recs for starting places when making the jump to comics! I want to drag you guys in, but sometimes that requires tailoring things a bit more to where a given person is at/how much they know/what they're specifically intrigued by! Give me more info and I won't shut up in trying to reel you in. :D

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

I just read your reading and omg as a tarot reader myself, i got goosebumps bc I got almost the same thing!!! Actually if you don’t mind, I’d like to share some stuff I got from my reading too regarding Hyunjin if that’s all right w u since I also got a request to read for him recently as well and I just wanna put this out there since I don’t post on my blog and I am not really a kpop fan, but I came a cross your post so I think this is meant to be HAHAHA but sorry I’m yapping, here’s my reading!

PROMPT: Messages for Hyunjin (career, love, health)

Right off the bat the two of cups came through so that means love and relationships (both romantic and platonic) may be a very big thing rn. Along with the two of cups came the five of cups! In my deck the five of cups shows a man, surrounded by beautiful scenery, looking sadly at two spilled cups and there are three cups behind him. So from this I am getting that the two of cups are the two spilled cups he is staring at sadly. So I think he may be going through a breakup right now OR maybe he has liked someone for a while but there hasn’t been any fruition, or it was really toxic; basically a karmic connection. Next, the tower. Although the tower is traditionally seen as a bad card since it symbolizes chaos, I see it as something that wasn’t serving him coming down, and he is starting a new. Basically entering a new phase in his life. I’m also hearing that he is gonna be busy in the coming weeks/months, so maybe he will be working on a new project..?

Honestly very strong messages I got at this point were that he is hung up on someone and has been for a while, and he probably dated a lot of people to get over this person, I say that because the three of cups and the three of swords came out and that’s a lot of threes which gave me the energy that there was a third party, which is probably the person he broke up with recently and that probably left the other person really heartbroken, and perhaps he also feels guilty ab it.

However; like I said he is starting a new chapter! Similar to your reading I do think he does date around a lot, but i feel like he will get over the person he was hung up on, since it rlly wasn’t serving him any good l, five of pentacles signifies this since this card is about walking away from something that took everything from you. It’s like he is taking the bits of dignity he has left and is leaving this toxic relationship.

The star, world, ace of cups, 10 of pentacles, and seven of wands came out. I feel like in the future, maybe a while from now, he will meet someone who he will really click with. I feel like this person knows him or knows of him, maybe they saw him once scrolling through social media. I feel like Hyunjin is this persons dream come true. Once they meet him, they will feel fulfilled and lucky, and so will he. Am also getting from the world card that this person may be from another country. Not like far away, maybe within Asia? Idk about this though, am just getting that message. Moreover, i also think this person has been manifesting someone like him, or maybe even him since the star came out. Like I said he is their dream come true. Lastly, with the seven of wands I think this person is not in the entertainment industry. Im getting that they’re also creative but maybe they aren’t out there like Hyunjin.

This person is very bright, I’m getting. Very creative but has a lot of sides to them.. like onions HAHAH. I think they are very loyal, since the fool came out and the fool is something I signify with someone who just follows their heart without any inhibitions, like a fool; this could also signify that there may be an age difference between the two. Maybe he is older or maybe this person is older, but am getting that Hyunjin is older since his energies are very aged.

Also regarding his health, I’m getting that he needs to rest a lot from now on, especially since I’m getting he is gonna be busy.

Idk spirit was rlly telling me to say this messages.

DISCLAIMER FOR EVERYONE: my reading was just for fun since someone asked me to do it for them. I am in no way saying this is 100% true.

But yeah this was my reading! Let me know your thoughts or if you have any violent reactions :).

I honestly loved this reading, and it’s so Hyunjin of you

You’re a really good reader, especially for someone who just does this for fun! (Granted I do too)

Feel free to send me your readings forever I love reading them

[zayray030]

🐝anon

I’m starved for ace content lol, I saw you updated your catace fic!! I was actually gonna ask if that one was abandoned when I saw you updated it lolol it’s so good I love catace. Ace is fairly good at reading people so like maybe he can tell something’s a little off about cater but caters gotten so good at hiding that ace is able to push it aside until they get close and ✨feelings✨ happen, I love the “oh fuck I like them” moments. Maybe ace is a little apprehensive bc cater is happy and open with anyone and feels cater isn’t sincere but he also doesn’t see the way cater is more gentle with his hugs or how he doesn’t hold anyone’s hands but aces, your honor i love them 😭

But do you have any catace headcanons to share or any headcanons really, I wish there was more basketball trio stuff bc they are my fave club they’re dynamics are so funny and I think they’d all be really cute together

Basketball club is also great bc they are so different like completely different backgrounds to play with and see how interaction turns out

Treyridoace I think is also an interesting interaction, I love your treyace and riddance interactions and I think the three together would be interesting too, I imagine there’s some good room for lots of angst lol, maybe ace feels a little left behind bc of Trey and riddles history? Or like he’s gonna be the last one left at nrc so I imagine he’d be real sad about that

Anyway I totally relate to the lack of good ace content 😭 I don’t mind reader inserts, I think a lot of them are really sweet but I also really want ace and canon character interactions that don’t completely butcher his character 😭 I really dislike when him and deuce get reduced to troublemaking idiots bc that’s so that they’re character, or when ace is a complete ass bc yes he can be a jerk but he’s also so friendly in his vignettes and the ones he appears in others and he like totally adores his upperclassmen like?? Anyway I had a lot I need to dump out lol

Sorry for the longish ask!!

Babes I was honestly so stuck on how to answer this because it was like IDEAS but it was also like ideas.

Anyways first things first! Catace! I was procrastinating doing my assigments and I stumbled back into it and I was like oh yeah! Chap 3! But yeah! The both of them only showing their real sides to each other is my favourite thing ever and it's just so soft? Like idk i just love the both of them

Catace headcanons:

When they first went out they didn't tell anyone because they wanted to see if anyone would work it out' Turns out everyone thought they were fighting with each other because they both wouldn't publicly acknowledge the others existence because they didn't want to tip anyone off.

Due to the opposition of their taste pallets kissing is a 50/50 chance of either one of them jerking back because the other had eaten something salty or sweet.

Ace likes to sit on Cater's lap and do his makeup whilst cater likes to do Ace's nails when the younger is sat on lap watching a movie. It's therapeutic for the both of them.

When Ace gets jealous he either gets bratty or he starts crying, which either amuses Cater or makes him want to dig the other persons grave. When Cater gets jealous Ace just winces in sympathy for the poor soul flirting with him.

Basketball club! Honestly it still pisses me off that we don't get a personal story from their club cards because what I would pay to see a normal day in that club is unreal.

Floyd and Jamil enjoy teasing Ace way too much but the moment they sense someone else do it they wrap their arms real tight around Ace. Ace fears for his life eveytime Floyd's arms wrap around him.

One time Ace faked crying to see what they would do. He still cackles when he sees the fear in their eyes as they realise they made him cry (one time they did make him cry and he didn't talk to them for a week. After that they shower him in more praise and gifts)

Datenights either consist of movies, walking across the beach or cooking. It has varying results of sucess.

Treyridoace is honestly just Ace and struggling to deal with authority figures lmao. Trey has a lot of fun teasing them both because they are both so gullible it's painful. Riddle enjoys teasing Ace and pushing his buttons because it's fun to see Ace riled up and blushing, and still managing to succeed in whatever Riddle teased him about. Ace at first didn't do much in terms of teasing and the 3 had a long discussion about power dynamics and all agreed that punishment wouldn't change from when before Ace was even in the relationship.

Self-insert for me is tricky because so far all the one's I've found make Ace unbearable or the bad guy in one way or another. Few of them are in a way I like to characterise him and I've seen some of the others x reader and it's actually universal how badly Ace's character gets treated whenever it's x reader or with a character shorter than him. That's why I maily stick with x canon and stick with floyd and them lot because despite how cripilingly low there are fics of them, at the very least I can enjoy them without feeling icky inside.

[oneforthemunny]

Mean girl however is an expert at riling modern!eddie up, it’s basically her love language, she will push it as far as possible just for her own fun. Buuut obviously she’ll cross the line a few times and then have to back track because at the end of the day her favourite thing about Eddie is actually how soft he his, he balances her out. However Eddie can’t complain too much when she’ll go all out with her “I’m sorry sex” routine

she's more just kinda naggy towards him. she'll be mean sometimes, and snap, but as far as riling him up she mainly just teases and teases him sexually until he's so frustrated he finally takes over. fucks her mean and nasty the way she wants.

as far as like 'make up' sex. like after 'take care'-

I'm gonna rant for a second bc people forget what fanfiction is and that you are not being forced to read anything I write, much like I'm not being forced to write lmao.

some people were mad about him 'making it up' to her by going down on her??? one, it is literally a fictional smut story lmao. they're young and immature and horny. and two.... like have you ever been with a real life man let me know now?? peace and love, but have you interacted with a heterosexual man before bc it's looking like no. plus he did the towels, offered to go to target and fix it (which very few irl men would EVER do especially at 23 c'mon). I hate to be the one to tell you guys this, but eddie is still a man you guys. like if you want a picture perfect never make a mistake disney prince charming man, live in your own delulu and write it lmao.

but anyways, after take care, I think she'd feel bad for being mean to eddie. like he's done this before and he was in the wrong, but also she felt bad for being so mean to him. he didn't have anyone to teach him, and it was a genuine mistake, and he tried to fix it- offered to go buy more and did them after. she just had some guilt that she'd been too mean, and he blew up because she got stressed, and she's definitely be sweeter to him the next day. sweet, makeup sex, where she's kind and gentle to him. an apology sort of.

they both are young like twenty two or twenty three. and they suck at telling each other their feelings and they've got some issues alright? they both didn't have the best home life and it effected them differently.

[caffeinelemur]

ur tag about being picky ruining vacations rings so true. i remember going on a trip with my best friend and he took me to an italian restaurant (pasta is my safe food) and because i couldnt make it myself i had to sit there with his whole family eating and me with nothing and they all questioned it so fucking awkward 😭

Yeah my stepdad has this crusade against my “eating habits” that’s grown in intensity and stupidity since I was like eight. At first it was something between eating with the family/making me eat healthy/vegetables? (Was forced to eat food I didn’t like for several years + has a strong gag reflex + literally cannot eat things I don’t like, why would you do that) Or something, but then it also became fights during trips bc I just wanted my safety/favorite and he wanted to eat at some random fucking place in a different state that doesn’t serve food I eat anyway, and then I got Diagnoses™️ and he decided I made all of them up and lied to my doctor to get idk what attention and meds? and when we told him my doctor diagnosed most of that without me prompting it he was like it’s bc nutrition like bitch I don’t think my samefood gave me bipolar.

Anyway, we barely go anywhere and whenever we do I can’t even get excited bc I’m just like. We’re gonna fight about food the entire time and eventually I’ll just tell them to go do whatever they want and I’ll not eat anything for lunch and stay in the car bc I’m tired and overwhelmed and take a car nap with my noise cancelling headphones on loud music playing all I wanted was to spend like seven to eleven dollars to eat a decent amount of food and get a big ass drink but no now we’re doing this. You can still go you your fucking choice I’m not making you eat my food leave me in the car with a ridiculous fast food order a huge soda and music and fuck off to your own food adventure I’ll be dandy, but no. (My spectrum in a different flavor mother tries her best to get me fed somehow and is probably the only one between the three of us keeping me alive, and all she gets is anxiety. Sorry mom.)

Also somewhere right before high school I gained a fun new eating disorder and between that and my always reliable forgetting-to-eat I kept dipping below into underweight, so my doctor told me not to worry about healthy vs junk or anything right then just try to focus on eating something even if it’s chips or whatever. I had a timer on my phone to remind me it was like 11 or 2 or smth maybe try a snack?? I brought a snack size bag of chips for lunch every day it’s all I could figure out. And mom heard this and was like ok, nightly McDonald’s runs aren’t a battle anymore bc she knew my cardinal rule of food is no matter what I can and will eat McDonald’s. Like even at my most ill can’t look at a cracker I can and will eat that hamburger and be fine. I got back up to barely technically but still healthy weight for a little while bc of it. Eat your samefood your doctor says it’s fine if anyone says otherwise throw a nearby object at them and run this is the moral of the story I think

In college I survived off fast food someone helped me get and vending machine payday bars. Like I can’t drive and I lost half my silverware in that move when I was seven so now I’m running on like three spoons max. I’m like a scrungly raccoon with opinions. Little garbage rat only takes pizza from that one place’s trash. Alley cat that is too tired to try anymore and keeps coming to your porch bc you gave me something out of pity once.

My things with my foods is I will have I Can Have This Specific Thing From This Specific Place, or I Like This Sort Of Food Generally But I Have Extreme Opinions About It. Sometimes they overlap. Examples: I mention McDonald’s. I only ever order the same thing. Very specific. It’s a Hamburger (I won’t go into detail). I can eat other hamburgers but Generally I don’t want to and have opinions about them. If you do it Correctly at home it’s fine. Other places I don’t really like. On the other hand, I Have Extreme Pizza Opinions but I have several places I’ll eat at that qualify. It’s one of the easiest of my samefoods probably to find in a pinch, we just do research and try. I really love pizza so maybe I’m more open to figuring it out than I am w hamburgers bc I’m not like I love hamburgers it’s I love specifically McDonald’s lol. I also have a samedrink and it’s Dr. Pepper, which sadly is bad for my long term health and I’ve had fights and lectures about this for eons as well, but it’s far too late now and I don’t give a shit.

[the-baddest-of-batches]

Dar'Aliit: Chapter 6 - Personal Business (pt 1)

Sorry, no sneak peek bc I was away from the weekend. I'm gonna include a link here and pt 2 will be posted tomorrow!

13 BBY Nar Shadda 

“Myren…” I look dubiously at the clothing bag. “You’re sure this is a different suit?”

I trust Myren’s fashion implicitly, mostly because she has a sense of fashion, and I don’t. But I cannot see the difference between this suit and yesterdays. Not to mention the day before that. The disappointed look on Myren’s face tells me that is no fault of the suit.

“Commander,” she pauses what she’s doing and faces me. “How many clothes do you own?”

I look off. “Well, two bodysuits, civvies, and a uniform. And now the suit you bought for me on Naboo.” The urge to defend myself sticks in my throat. After all, not many people own two bodysuits. You have to keep one clean at all times, given the fact we wear these things every day.

Myren nods. “I see.” She sighs. “Yes, it’s a different suit.”

I take her word on the matter and get dressed. Different or not, I do think I’m getting used to wearing clothing that would restrict my movement on a battlefield. I still don’t have to enjoy it.

I do however enjoy the slight blush on Myren’s face when I return to the room. And I am thankfully to see the dress she’s wearing is a different color. She is beautiful.

“Ready?” I ask and offer my arm. It’s awkward, I assume. I can feel the rest of the team staring. They can stare all they want.

“Yes,” Myren agrees.

“You’re beautiful by the way.” I can’t look her in the eyes when I say it. Someday, maybe.

I can however see the faint blush on her face from the corner of my eye.

“Thank you.”

With a deep breath, I attempt not to think about the comments that will be made later and lead her down stairs. We landed here three days ago. It’s harks back to a time I’ve almost forgotten, sneaking around undercover and trying to gather information. I never was good at being covert, but there’s high stakes.

And there’s high stakes sabbac, which I have to win today or else. My only two opponents left are Jabba and Molto Shore. Stopping future terrorist attacks will depend on whether Shore or I come out on top.

At least the one thing I have mastered is keeping my cool under pressure. We walk to the gambling floor. There’s plenty of spectators. I let Myren go, she probably won’t stay long today. It’s been nice to have her there, mostly because having her around is in many ways a nice distraction from the weight currently set on my shoulders.

I did win the ship wide Sabbac game, so I’m also partly to blame for throwing my lot in for this. The universe will be a better place if I win, though. And—I try not to smirk at the thought—we could buy so many weapons with the winnings. The pot is already millions.

Myren vanishes into a crowd. I take my seat. My team is with me. They make for some impressive bodyguards. I know they have my back, so there’s nothing to worry about. Nothing except the game of course.

Molto Shore isn’t my favorite person. I actually despise him, mostly because of how much trouble he’s gone to already and what he’s involved in. Terrorism is nothing light. But for now, I have to smile.

To everyone here at this table I’m Rinn, a former clone trooper who took up arms dealing after the war. Believable story, and not too far-fetched given my own disposition toward weapons. Beautiful things. Beautiful and deadly.

Here in the underbelly of the universe on the backstreets of Nar Shadda, deadly gets you places. So, I flash my deadliest smile at Shore, and let the game begin.

#

20 BBY Abandoned Outpost

“There.”

I wince as Shave finishes the injection. Bevik is already here with his helmet in his hands. He looks afraid to breathe, but clearly, it’s safe.

“How the heck does this work?” Aftermath asks. He’s messing with the medical instruments despite clear instruction to touch nothing.

Shave throws the empty injector at him, and Aftermath dodges it. It rattles onto a tray The medic glares at Aftermath. “It’s a neutralization agent what more do I need to explain?”

“Yeah but it’s not like the air is in the bloodstream.”

“This kills it off, okay? Just don’t worry about it.” Shave huffs. “Kian take you helmet off.”

“Sir yes sir,” I mutter and remove my helmet.

Aftermath snickers.

My face doesn’t burn near as bad here. Actually it’s been numb for a while along with my arm, which Shave already mostly treated. A wrenched shoulder and several fractures in my wrist. Nothing a little bacta and splints couldn’t heal.

As I look up at Shave, who also isn’t wearing his helmet now—he apparently tested the first batch of neutralizing agent on himself—I see him grimace. “You’re gonna need a real medbay for that,” he says and reaches for my head.

I close both eyes as the tape and gauze peels off. Now it hurts like hell.

“Aftermath, grab me a painkiller!”

“Thought I wasn’t supposed to touch anything.”

“I will stab you extra hard next time you need shots.”

“Coming,” Aftermath’s tone implies he’s rolling his eyes. In a few moments there’s a sting on my neck and after the briefest burning my skin is tingling and numb again.

“I’m going to clean this off and rebandage it,” Shave says. “Arm too, and then we’ll just have to wait until we get picked up.”

“Did we figure that out?” Bevik asks.

“Mer’en isn’t back, so I’m guessing now.” Aftermath comes and stands beside me. He puts out his hand. I blink sideways at him and take it and I realize why as soon as Shave touches my face with the cleaning spray. It burns worse than the acid. My hand clenches.

Aftermath squeezes my fingers. The burning subsides but I keep up the tight grip until all the bandages are applied.

“That should keep it all covered,” Shave helps me sit up. I glance at Aftermath and he just nods. It’s all the thanks he needs.

I lean forward and Bevik hops down to come over there. “Well, seeing as we’re going to be stuck here a while, shouldn’t we at least make something of it?”

“We need to stay alert in case of Clankers,” Shave reminds him.

“We are going to stay alert,” Bevik smirks. “What’s more alert than betting?”

“No!” Aftermath shoves over and sticks a finger in Bevik’s face. “I am not betting against you anymore! You cheat, and you steal and I always get stuck cleaning refreshers!”

Bevik laughs. I lean around Aftermath and cock an eyebrow at him. This is a horrible idea, but all my senses feel a little dull after the painkiller. I turn to Bevik. “What kind of betting?”

“Sabbac?”

I grin. “I’ll play.”

“You are making a mistake,” Aftermath tells me.

Shave laughs. “Not me, I’m out. You two can have fun.”

“C’mon!” I turn to Shave. “It’s no fun with only two people.”

“Nope.” Medic lifts his hands. “I owe too many rounds of beer to Bevik already.”

“And you’re gonna make good on that!” Bevik calls out. I laugh. Maybe I’m just loopy but I laugh anyway.

“Okay, so maybe not sabbac,” I offer. “How about Dejark?”

“You’re on!” Bevik slaps me on the back. “What’s the bet?”

I eye him cautiously. It’s always important to size up the other player. Aftermath says Bevik cheats, but everyone who’s a sore loser says that. Bevik is like me. He plays a good game, and he plays it well.

Take that Hook.

I blink at the thought and realize Bevik is still waiting for my answer. My head is too fuzzy to think of anything good so I hop down and just shrug. “How about a round of beers?”

“Perfect.” Bevik hooks his thumbs in his belt. “Three games. Winner buys the other guy drinks.”

“You’re on, vode.” Read on AO3 ->

[inkovert]

Ok I decided to share a heartfelt sibling moment (thank you @leebrontide for chiming in on my last post ☺️) bc I haven't really showcased the depth of love/care/protection etc between Cami and her brother Jeremy. And I really love this scene between them and the way it turned out 🥰.

CW: discussions of self-harm, grief, loss of a parent. allusion to suicide.

The minute I reached the porch, the front door flew open, Jeremy standing in the doorway in a T-shirt and shorts. 

“You good? What the hell was that cryptic ass message you sent me?” 

I’d wanted to be strong, hold it together as I explained everything to him. But the minute I saw him, I broke. Rushing forward, I dropped my bag and wrapped my arms around his neck. 

“I’m sorry, Jer. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know…I wasn’t—” I sobbed, my chest heaving between each sentence. 

Shutting the door, he drew me into his arms. “Sorry for what? Cami, what happened?”

“All the running. The way I took off in the middle of the night that day. You’ve been so scared and I —“ I gasped for air to finish my thought. “I wasn’t trying to hurt myself. If I was I didn’t know, I just…was in so much pain and I didn’t know what to do and I —“ I curled into his chest. 

Chin resting against my head, he stroked my hair gently, soothingly. “It’s okay.”

I shook my head against the fabric of his shirt. “It’s not. I’m the older one. I’m supposed to be responsible. I’m supposed to look out for you, but I’m such a mess. I’m such a fucking mess, Jer, and I don’t want you to have to deal with…to think that after everything, one day, you might lose me, too.” I curled my hands into fists. “I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t thinking about how it was affecting you. I’m such an idiot. I’m so sorry.” 

We stood there and he remained quiet as I continued gasping between sobs in his arms. 

Once I’d settled down, he pulled back to look at me. “Want me to make you some tea?” 

I sniffled, nodding. 

He set a mug of Earl Grey tea on the counter in front of me, taking a seat in the adjacent bar stool. 

“Thanks,” I mumbled, closing my hands around the cup to feel its warmth. 

Elbow on the counter, he leaned his cheek against his palm and studied me. “You’re not an idiot,” he said softly. “You’re not a mess either. You’re grieving. We both are. We just do it in different ways.” 

I made an irritated noise at the back of my throat. “How come your way seems a lot more graceful and put together than mine?” 

He paused for a moment, then, reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his phone. Pulling something up, he set it down before me. It was a list of voicemails. I shot him a confused look. 

He pressed play on the first one and I gasped as my father’s deep, rich voice filled the room.

Son, I know you’re practicing hard out there on the school field but don’t stay out too late or your mother will get worried. I’m giving you another hour before I come and get you, alright? Love you. Bye.

He clicked on the next.

Son, I know the only thing that goes on in that head of yours is soccer but you’ve got to get more responsible. You left your whole science project on the counter. I’m gonna head over and drop it off for you, alright? I’m glad that you’ve found something that makes you happy but you’ve gotta make some room in that head of yours for some life skills. Pretty soon I’m gonna be old and gray and you’re gonna be the man of the house. Anyway, I’m on my way. Love you. Bye.

And the next. 

Son, I’m at the clothing store in the shoe section and I see these real nice sneakers here that you might like. Just calling to find out your shoe size. You’ve been growin’ too fast and the way you be stomping around the house like Bigfoot, tells me I might be a few sizes off. Call me back, okay? Love you. Bye.

I laughed at the last message, a tear breaking free and coursing down my cheek. 

“Every night before I go to sleep,” Jeremy said, “I lay in bed and listen to each one of these. Every single one. I’ve been doing it for the past three hundred seventeen days since he died and I know all forty-three by heart.” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed. “Every week I have pillowcases soaked through with tears. Some nights I can barely bring myself to sleep and so I listen to these on repeat. Over and over again until sunrise.”

I gaped at him, bewildered. “I…I had no idea.”

A weak smile. “I know. Just because I grieve privately doesn’t mean it’s any less messy or any more graceful than you.” Feeling guilty, I stared down into my mug. “You and me. We’re all we have, Cami. You may not think I get everything you’re going through, and you’re probably right, I don’t. But I get it a hell of a lot more than anyone else will. I want you to be able to talk to me when you’re upset, angry, frustrated, feeling hopeless. All of it. All the messy, unpleasant stuff. Even if you can’t put it into words. Even if you think I won’t fully get it. I want you to lean on me.”

I bit my lower lip to stop it from trembling. I nodded, then reached over to squeeze his hand tight and whispered, “You, too,” 

[causenessus]

HI NESS MY LOVE <333 i hope you’ve had a good morning evening or afternoon!! how’s your day been? make sure u eat !! today i had dim sum with the family and we’re going to a temple now, the weather is so much better than it has been the last few days like tell me why summer is barely doing it’s summer thing like where’s the WARM weather not the HOT IM GONNA DIE weather

also HAVE A GOOD SHIFT!! or i hope you had a good shift WHENEVER YOU READ THIS and omg some grocery store sandwiches are literally so good idk what premade processed stuff it is but sometimes it just HITS like i eat it up like its some gourmet food like something about it is just so good LOL but omg i don’t trust grocery store sushi like the raw fish especially because like i think i’m just extra scared since i’ve had food poisoning before LOL so now i’m like extra extra cautious, but maybe ill try the non-raw ones and report back!!

but OMG THE ANON APOCALYPSE HELLO LIKE WHATS THAT ABOUT? i genuinely got so upset reading on eggy and wry’s blog because im like guys??? lets be nice??? hello??? why are we attacking our smau writers like i was genuinely flabbergasted that they would get hate or you or like ANYONE it’s so crazy, i was thinking of literally revealing my blog because im like i don’t wanna be lumped into the mean anons… LOL it’s not like i have a problem with going un-anon now but i’ve been graced with the name mango ANON so now i feel weird suddenly coming out like heyyy guysss this is the real me in my full glory (reveals myself as an actual mango) (sorry this is so silly LOL)

also STOP UR SO SWEET i might bcuz i <3 talking to you like everytime you reply i have to sit down and genuinely take in everything you say and im always like omg no way omg wait omg this like it’s at a point where i’m switching through my notes app and tumblr so i can read and respond at the same time LOL

but i’m excited for ur project !!! whatever you have planned! but make sure ur also taking care of yourself and SLEEPING!! SLEEP IS IMPORTANT SO MAKE SURE YOU TAKE CARE OF URSELF!! if i have to sing you a lullaby every night i will commit myself to sing you a lullaby !! ALSO THATS SO SWEET “ness has a mango anon” IT DOESNT SOUND MEAN DW!! ur like the sweetest and nicest person ever don’t even worry about being mean, IM THE ONE WORRYING ABOUT BEING MEAN OR BEING TOO MUCH ur doing perfectly fine!

but take care of yourself!! drink plenty of water and EAT!! make sure you eat at work and take care of yourself!! xoxoxo

HELLO AAAA!! i hate missing a day where i don't answer u but at the same time like getting to talk to you TWICE in a day is such a treat!!!! and honestly it's three times if you count you yelling at me to go to bed earlier this morning 😭😭😭 and AA!!! i have't had dim sum in so long i hope it was good!!! and for me idk the weather is like having a stroke??? it's cloudy and then it rains for five seconds and then there's LIGHTING and then suddenly it's 95 degrees outside??? but that's how my state always is 😭 like genuinely most of the time everytime i walk out the door it's different weather

I'M GONNA PUT THE REST OF THIS UNDER A CUT BC I YAPPED SO MUCH BE PREPARED

AND THANK YOU!! tbh omg it was not good 😭 well it WAS good i got some pretty big pieces done i was very proud of it!! because i work in like a framing department :D but then i got called out to help this dude and like??? maybe his daughter or wife idek??? and he was like "i want to frame this thing i have that is this dimensions with a mat so what should i do" and i was like "well you could do this frame we're standing right next to (i didn't say that part) but your mat's gonna be small" and he asked me how much it would cost and BRO I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T ESTIMATE FOR THE LIFE OF ME BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON LIKE 50 FACTORS AND I'M STILL A LITTLE NEW so i was like "for that size?? $30 probably" (it is expensive </3) AND SORRY I'LL HURRY UP AND GET TO THE POINT but he was like "no. no. how much would it cost TOTAL?" and i'm gonna start writing this as dialogue bc i'm lazy.

(he had two things he wanted to frame)

me: well this frame is $40 so it's gonna be $70 per one

man's wife/daughter/thing: $40 for a frame? that's outrageous

me: 🧍‍♂️ (i cannot control prices. i am a framer. although i did not build this frame u are basically insulting me to my face and i no longer know what u want me to say and i no longer want to help u.)

me: well. they're on sale. so.

and then i POINT to the "on sale sign" that say BUY ONE GET ONE 50% OFF

man: okay so how much is the sale.

i then stare at the sign i just pointed at.

me: well the sale is buy one get one 50% off. so $60.

him:

me:

him: okay we're going

i then walk away and make a point to glare at his woman for her rude comment

woman: do you have this frame in 16x20? i could only find 14xblahblablah i don't remember

me: no what we have out here is what we have

man: we're going since SHE CAN'T HELP US.

AND THEN THEY CONTINUED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME AS THEY WERE WALKING OUT AND SAID I WAS NO HELP AND SOMEONE SHOULD TALK TO ME 😭😭😭 like man bro i told you the prices what did you want me to do barter you and say if you give me a cheese wheel you can have the frame?????????????????????????????? like my coworkers all checked on me afterwards and defended me bc like 😭😭 what did i do 😭😭 SORRY i had to tell someone bc that was lowkey so upsetting and being asked if i was okay right after I ACTUALLY ALMOST CRIED which was a good part!! bc i haven't been able to cry for months (sorry this is so long and such a lore drop) but then i didn't cry bc i didn't want to ruin my makeup LMFAO 😭 and this is probably why my tear ducts gave up on me bc i never let them cry anyway

OKAY SORRY STORY TIME IS OVER AND YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE PROCESSED FOOD 😭 like i KNOW that poke bowl was NOT good for me and tbh i really don't like it but i had nothing else to eat 😭😭😭 AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR YOU ARE GENUINELY SO SWEET AND FUNNY <3 when i imagined you making a burner blog 😭😭😭 i literally imagined you making the user mango anon LMAOAOAO but definitely feel free to do that!! CAUSE I DO THE SAME THING I LOVE READING ABOUT YOUR DAYS AND LIKE KEEPING MENTAL NOTES OF EVERYTHING I WANT TO SAY AND HIGHLIGHT !! <333

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH I WILL DEF SLEEP (i am literally drinking a matcha and it is almost midnight and i start school tomorrow. anyway.) BEING SLEEP DEPRIVED WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA TODAY I LITERALLY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ON THE ROADS TODAY BUT I AM STILL ALIVE AND WELL!!! AND I'M SO SO EXCITED TO HEAR WHAT U THINK OF THE ENTIRE PROJECT WHEN IT'S OUT!! <3 take care of yourself and i hope you have a lovely day mango anon!!!! i hope the weather isn't too bad for you and make sure to eat and drink lots of water!! and sleep!! <3

[progressivleythin]

well well well

i’m alive still. 22 soon :)

life is better mostly bc i stopped caring and really really stopped giving my dad the energy i did before.

me and my mom are closer than ever, same goes for my siblings and i, and my nephew.

my dads still a crazy person and since the last time i logged in, he’s caused much chaos but the rest of us are learning to work around his bipolar manic episodes, and the coke.

i gained weight, lost it, gained again and now i’ve been maintaining but im gonna get back to my LW soon.

i had back surgery, grew a whole three inches, im now 5’8” and the weight looks different on me

no boyfriend, broke up shortly after my last post i think, i also lost my friend group through that whole thing and got used by another dude luckily not physically. hashtag still a virgin

now im just here, prettier, more fit, i’ve improved my mental health but i’ll be happier when im actually working and able to go off on my own.

i feel sorry for younger me, and in my heart i hold her close and nurture her, she didn’t know anything, she still doesn’t but she knows her emotions and how to articulate them now.

i’m gonna be a sophomore in college, maybe just maybe i’ll be able to go on campus somewhere, originally i wanted NAU but my parent were still crazy back then and i was scared, they wouldn’t speak to me unless they were yelling at me when i was leaving. so i stayed and went to online college, but i’m older now and i want to be like the other people my age, i don’t like feeling so small around them. if i was an outcast before you can imagine now lol but it’s no pity party, just me promising i’ll do it.

my sister is still golden, i had a car then she sold hers and has had mine for a year, no plans on giving it back but still gives me shit about having no license, she also crashed it, broke the radio, puts her two gigantic dogs in it, and i’m sure she tells others i don’t even drive while ironically it’s been in her possession, she doesn’t even visit home to let me get a chance to drive. our relationship is as thin as string currently. i don’t bother messaging or texting her and her with me, some tiktoks, and after my surgery we were close.

i had two jobs while gone, both went to shit one i got covid, the other was family gossip. And now it’s just difficult to find a job, still no friends, i know people but i don’t reach out and neither do they

i don’t care about those things anymore, im just existing and my focus is being fit and thin, pretty and employed.

then i’ll move onto the other worries.

[boqvistsbabe]

Thanks for the tag @jimmystrudel (also sorry it took me forever to do this lol) also if you can't tell I'm a little indecisive on some of my answers lmao

1. The thing that got me hooked on hockey?

Was kind of into it for most of my life (because of my mom) but like most of my hobbies/things I enjoy I didn’t have time to get into them fully/pay attention to them as much as I wanted until COVID happened which during that time I consumed as much hockey content as I possibly could. 

2. First fandom friend?

I think @2manytabsopen I think (tbh can’t remember lol)

3. The jersey I most want?

Girl this is such a hard question (I legit have a list lol) umm but atm Bedsy’s Pats jersey, Gabe’s USNTDP jersey, Adam’s blue jackets one, Quinn’s black alternate or like a million others lol

4. MY player?

Once again, hard question. And yes I’m gonna put more than one name down but deal with it lol. Adam obvi, like mine mine mine. But also I claim Gabe as mine because um hello? Duh? Controversial because I know he’s popular but Bedsy, I’ve legit been following this dude's career for forever and a day, like the beginning of high school at least. I think those are my top three. 

5. A pairing that deserves more fics

Ummmmm, Nate and Sid, I know they’re popular but I rarely find a lot of fics of them

6. Favourite on-ice moment

The Avs winning the cup. Just it sticks with me, there is something about that moment that just means so much to me. Literally my roman empire (not an exaggeration) 

7. Something from someone else that I love

There is a Matthew Tkachuk fic out there that I can’t remember the author or title but either the reader or Matt’s nickname is Mercury bc the reader is a chem student and like it means something love-related. I need to find that fic again because I love it so much, it was a comfort reread.

Also like said by a couple other people but I love @ilyasorokinn's writing and @typical-simplelove's writing so much (comfort fics right there y'all)

8. Something I'm proud of that I made?

Uhhhh honestly any of it because for me its so hard to sit down and put that much time into something for fun lol but if I had to choose one thing probably my different skates series. I know I haven’t updated it in a couple of months but I love the idea so much and I can’t wait until I finish the next part. Also one of my first ones for Matt that like I lowkey did not like bc I rushed it but everyone lowkey loved it

Diff Skates

Matt Dad Fic 

No pressure tag: @krugstrash

talk hockey to me!

thank you @jimothystu for the tag! here’s her original post

putting everything under the cut!

1. The thing that got you hooked on hockey

i’ve been blessed to be a hockey fan my whole like (thank you momma)

2. Your first ever fandom friend

i can’t remember if it was @ghostyjosty or @2manytabsopen but either way i love you both

3. The jersey you would most like to own

i have a Gally jersey and i can’t decide if i want Slaf, Caufield, or Monty

4. YOUR player (you only get ONE so choose wisely)

Brendan Gallagher (although i feel like it’s shifting to Juraj Slafkovský)

5. A pairing that deserves more fics

i don’t read rpf fics (just not my cup of tea but mad respect for the writers) but i do love juraj and arber bc they’re goofs

6. Your favourite on-ice moment

when the Habs beat Vegas to get into the cup finals

THEN

link someone else's art/fic/etc that you love & think everyone should check out

@typical-simplelove and @ilyasorokinn are my comfort writers

and @wyattjohnston’s fic exchanges are the coolest thing to read and participate in

AND

link something you made & are proud of & want people to see

this fic for Anthony Beauvillier

and this fic for Quinn Hughes

no pressure tags!

@ghostyjosty @2manytabsopen @typical-simplelove @ilyasorokinn @tinyhockey @lifeofpriya @slagkovsky and whoever else wants to!