#and I’m not offended and I don’t consider it erasure when people assume I’m lesbian bc i think lesbians are awesome

[jeezypetes]

Realized yesterday a whole group of my friends definitely think I’m a lesbian 😅I don’t think ive never said “I’m a lesbian” specifically but I’ve had a gf for 5 years and don’t object to being referred to as a lesbian at all and probably implied it a lot bc i haven’t dated a man in a long time and never intend to again. But last night when i said Spike from buffy the vampire slayer was my sexual awakening one of them was like “wait why… did you see him as a butch lesbian?” And should’ve just said “I’m bisexual” but i panicked and was just like O_O IDK…. These people are all queer too its not like they wouldn’t be cool with it I’m just too embarrassed like if they find out they’ll think I’m stealing lesbian valor for being secretly also attracted to men this whole time…

[cordeliarhein-blog]

“I’m Concerned You’re Gay”

This a bit more of a personal post, as it’s a topic that’s been on my mind for a little while now. Recently there have been “concerns” among people I know about my sexuality. Specifically, whether or not I’m gay. The fact that being gay is a “concern” someone has about me is truly appalling, but it goes a bit deeper in that it truly erases my actual sexuality : being bisexual.

I may or may not have mentioned my sexuality on my platform before, but in case I haven’t: I identify as bisexual. It has been a long road to discovering this aspect of myself (more on that in another post). I’m actually content with this label, as I had been struggling throughout my high school years as to why I didn’t feel the same as others.

Personally, I keep this fact to myself. I’m not in a position where I’m currently dating anyone, as I have other things I’m focused on. (My parents don’t mind my preferences either way, so I’ve never felt the need to come out to them.) Despite this, I’ve wanted to get involved in my local LGBT+ Community by volunteering my time.  When this occurred, there were “concerns” that I was gay from others.

Though, admittedly, I find that I’m more attracted to dating girls than guys, that doesn’t negate my bisexuality. It doesn’t mean I didn’t really have a crush on the boy next to me in middle school, or I never took notice of the girl studying in the campus cafe. These “concerns” are not only blatantly homophobic, but also ignore the fact bisexuality even exists.

If, hypothetically, I started dating a man tomorrow, these “concerns” would disappear because it would be assumed I’m straight. If I started dating a woman tomorrow, these “concerns” would be “validated” because of the assumption I’m 100% Lesbian. Truth is, I’m a bit of both, though I lean more towards Lesbian. But those who are “concerned” don’t see this or consider the prospect at all, sexuality is totally black and white instead of a fluid spectrum. Either I’m straight or I’m a “cause for concern” by being gay.

I was extremely offended by this, and haven’t spoken with certain individuals since. I was shocked it was even something that was enough to end a relationship that was otherwise fine.  It was surprising to find this homophobia was pointed towards me. Though homophobia is an unfortunate truth in our society, it always takes you by surprise no matter how common it is. It’s appalling.

Another part of this I was upset by was the complete erasure of my sexuality. The notion that someone can’t be bisexual is a truly ill-informed one, and it hurts those who identify as bisexual. I was pushed into a corner and put in a box for my involvement in the LGBT+ Community because of the homophobia and bi-erasure prevalent in our society.

I’m very proud to be a contributor to this community. I hope that our work and activism leads to recognition of bisexuality and other sexual, gender, and romantic identifications across the spectrum, in addition to ending homophobia once and for all.

I apologize if this is a bit of a ramble — this is the first time I’ve written about my bisexuality in great detail. If anyone is interested in hearing more of my thoughts on the subject – feel free to let me know. Thank you for reading!

(Happy Last Day of Pride to you all!)

-Cordelia Rhein

[This is a post also featured on my blog]

[appleschloss]

Opposite sex couples aren't homosexual; only same sex couples are. Otherwise you're saying an agender person is only gay if they exclusively date other agender people. There are so many genders and people who experience more than one gender and people closeted from expressing their true gender. Sexual orientation is based on biological sex. That's why gay marriage is same sex marriage. That's why gay conversion therapy targets same sex attraction. You're being massively homophobic right now.

Hello. Nice to meet you. I’m assuming you’re here about this post.  I’m surprised with how fast you got here. Bravo.

Let’s go through this point by point. First, here’s what I said at the end of this post.

“And pan erasure? And anyone who is attracted to more than one sex? Also there are lesbian couples were one person is trans and not transitioned and its still a lesbian couple no matter the genitals of the other person and both are still women.”

And here’s what you started with: 

“Opposite sex couples aren’t homosexual; only same sex couples are.”

In my own words, I didn’t not *technically* say they were homosexual. You implied that from lesbian. I’m not knowledgeable enough to go into the technicalities of what homosexual really means, in my mind they are homosexual, even if one partner hasn’t transitioned fully into what you would consider to be “female.” But if the concept of people with multiple genitalia, no genitalia, or transitioning/wrong genitalia is too much for you to handle, I can understand what you’re trying to say by homosexual.

Going strictly on what you said vs what I said, I never stated homosexual, you implied, so point invalid. The couple is still lesbian, as I stated earlier.

Next point:

“Otherwise you’re saying an agender person is only gay if they exclusively date other agender people.”

Ooh see now you said gay instead of homosexual, because by you’re terms, they’re different and sexual wouldnt apply to gender in your world.

I have no personal experience in this. I am cis-gendered. I have one friend I know is trans, and another who I know is non-binary. 

When it comes to sexuality/romantic attraction, I think labels are a lot of work, especially when multiple genders are involved. By the raw term of ‘gay’ meaning homosexual and two men, according to google, I guess an agender person couldn’t be gay anyways.

But at the same time, its hard to explain all of the different spectrum to people all of the time and the difference between being pansexual and panromantic, so honestly, i just use the term Not Straight half of the time! So if an agender person wants to say, “I’m gay” instead of going through the trouble of explaining their gender and the niches of sociatially confined sexuality terms, then they can do whatever the fuck they want.

Labels and ideas of sexual orientation and romantic orientation (which would be included under the blanket term ‘date’ because they dont have to fuck to date) are different per-person. No where did I say that ‘you must date someone of the same gender to be gay.’ You put those words there yourself.

“There are so many genders and people who experience more than one gender and people closeted from expressing their true gender.”

Yes, and we weren’t talking about this. I am well aware of all of this.

“Sexual orientation is based on biological sex.”

Wrong. “Sexual orientation is about who you’re attracted to and want to have relationships with. Sexual orientations include gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, and asexual.” (Source)

And for most people, the definition of ‘sexual orientation’ is who you are sexually attracted to. So for people who identify as male and are attracted to others who identify as male? Homosexual. Girls who want to fuck girls? Homosexual. Non-binary people who are attracted to people based on personality? Pansexual. (Not to be confused with people who are attracted to kitchen ware, in case you were wondering)

Being a girl or guy or otherwise does not narrow down to what’s in your pants, and sexual orientation is much more than just biological sex. 

“That’s why gay marriage is same sex marriage. That’s why gay conversion therapy targets same sex attraction.”

A lot of these terms, like same-sex marriage, are used by straights and white fucks, because its just marriage. It’s just marriage. 

And gay conversion is a torture method that tries to tell people that who they are is wrong and that it’s something that can be fixed, both of which are false, try finding a better example.

“You’re being massively homophobic right now.”

You should call up my past girlfriends and tell them about that. I’m sure they’d find that to be shocking.

Thank you for the ask hun

(Also, if anything I said about anything, especially nonbindary, agender, and trans experiences, please lmk. I can’t speak from experience for those and its 3AM so I couldn’t ask anyone I knew about it >.