#and I would pay double tuition for one of the sisters | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

okay-victoria · 3 years ago

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Random Personal Rant

For anyone somehow here not from the original thread, this started off me getting asked what finishing school is and me getting shit off my chest that is only mildly relevant about how I could both be of the social class that gets sent to finishing school and grows up on welfare.

With an understanding that in many parts of the world it wouldn't qualify as so, as far as the US goes, my dad is from what counts as a very old money family from Baltimore & Philadelphia. Both his siblings went to college and one now owns a major hedge fund, and his sister is married to a C-level executive at a huge conglomerate. His parents went to college. His grandparents went to college. All eight of his great grandparents went to college. My dad...did not go to college. He was not about that life, and while I don't mean it as an insult, when I say his primary occupation until I was ~5 was a drummer in a mediocre band I mean that he opened for a lot of great acts, and if you lived in the Boston to Atlanta area in the 80s you may have heard him play, but he was never a huge national name. But he wasn't an amateur band playing for free at some random local gig either.

My mom grew up on a chicken farm in a Mennonite family in Pennsylvania but also completely rejected her heritage and became a model, sort of like my father, of mediocre status. Not Giselle Bundchen, but had national contracts and if you have a Graco ad/box from 1990-1993 you might see both me and her on it. They met because my mom's friends placed bets, one each, on who could sleep with a member of their favorite local band first and my mom picked my dad and...my mom was actually supposed to go be a model in Tokyo and found out she was pregnant with me and couldn't go 😂

So, after my parents had two kids back to back with a third on the way and determined they needed lifestyles more in line with having three children, they became much poorer than they originally were because my mom stopped working and my dad, with a barely-passed-high-school education but needing a true "day job" worked day labor in construction. My dad's father was too proud to give us money/help if my dad didn't beg for it; despite having eventually four young children my dad never did so we ended up on all the state assistance programs one could imagine. My grandma jokes that dinners at my parents house were BYOC - bring your own chair, because we didn't own any.

My mother and paternal grandmother had no such pride issues and I live in eternal gratitude that my welfare childhood was not as crappy as it should have been because my grandmother would have my mom accompany her on grocery runs and buy us food without my father or grandfather knowing, and every Christmas and birthday my grandparents/godparents could give us the one big ticket gift all the kids wanted that year. But, on the other side, I once got stung by a bee inside my mouth because my brother threw a hairbrush through a cracked window at me and broke it and we couldn't afford to fix it for about two years and a hornet got in one day and rested himself in my coke can (my parents were the very American type that fed me coca-cola in baby bottles at age 8 when I was jealous of my younger siblings lol).

It is hard not to believe in "toxic masculinity" when two men warring over dumbass pride issues would rather their children/grandchildren go without food than suck it up and decide 'help' isn't the worst word in the English language, and you know you've only been saved by two women who came from totally different backgrounds and entirely disapproved of each other but reached out the hand to shake when it came down to toddlers getting the short end of the don't-bend-the-knee stick. It wasn't that either of the men were bad people, I loved them both and got along great with both, but on a societal level I feel they were socialized in a very fucked up way if that was the end result, as both claimed "male pride" in these instances [my dad took multiple thousands of dollars I'd saved from working during college from me during the 2008-2010 financial crisis and didn't tell me and that was the reason I was given for why I hadn't been informed/asked, because it would be too emotionally difficult for an adult man to ask a young woman. My graduation present was them repaying me 1/3 of the money they'd taken from me without asking because I'd like, trusted them when it had been in a joint account that was a holdover from when I was <18 and couldn't have my own bank account].

While in some ways my parents on the surface achieved the American dream of going from nothing to a bunch of money, the real factor in play was that my dad's father was the bank. My parents had no credit and couldn't get real loans. My dad worked construction and during the two major periods that flipping houses was very lucrative, he never had to get an actual loan or pay actual interest, he just had to ask his father to pay out cash and then repay him at a flat 2% interest rate that didn't even accrue over time, just...whenever you are ready, repay the value of the loan + 2%. Because my father was doing something productive, in these instances, my grandfather was happy to pay, because it wasn't giving away money, it was loaning it. I had a very weird situation of mostly being poor but like also getting taken to the "big donors" events at the Kennedy Center and my grandparents regularly buying me a dress as a child worth more than my mom's wedding dress and also needing to pretend I fit in with these people.

And look. When I say "these people"...honestly, by and large, most wealthy people, whether inherited or not, are not the assholes you want to imagine. Most of them are extremely nice. Most of them are generous when it comes to the less fortunate who are in their personal sphere of being. Most of them are just really out of touch. The 100% kindest of all of them that I know once relayed to me that she thought people would be happier if once a year they did what she did...go to the airport with a purse packed full of absolute necessities, buy a one way ticket to the most appealing destination on the flight board, buy your clothes and book your accommodations after you'd arrived, and come back after you felt you'd 'centered' yourself. She didn't understand why there were so many unhappy people who weren't taking this very obvious route to being happier. I didn't quite know how to explain that saying "most" people couldn't afford to do that either financially or from a job/career angle didn't even cover it, as "most" sounds like 70% instead of 99.7%.

I was both my parents eldest son and eldest daughter in the worst combination possible. I was the eldest son because I was the most stereotypically male of all my siblings, in everything from desire to physically fight the battles I was given to dislike of shopping/fashion to lack of emotional connection to my relationships, so I can now fix your average household plumbing/drywall/electrical issue better than most "city" guys I interact with and remain less clingy to them in the process. I was also very much the oldest daughter from a responsibility perspective, I managed our household and from age 10 - 24 managed the finances of our family business, my mom almost died giving birth to my youngest brother after a ruptured uterus that should never have happened in the first place if we had adequate insurance to get her a non-emergency C-section (I was just past 9 years old at the time) and I was informally withdrawn from school for two years to take care of the family when she couldn't because there is no paid parental leave in the US and we got double-fucked by the medical industry because she got a bad "mesh" put in and then had to have a further surgery to repair that which we also had to pay for and didn't have the money to win a lawsuit over.

I don't know quite how to put this, but in the deepest fuck you of the universe, my rich-immigrant-ggggg grandfather's money led to him owning banks, insurance companies, etc, and the family cashed out in a big way when their ownership was bought by and merged with what is now Cigna, one of the biggest US healthcare insurers, and my nuclear family specifically got screwed by the American health insurance industry, but anyway, we were the people selected for that karmic comeuppance so if you want to feel schadenfreude at my expense, I'll allow it without begrudging the sentiment, my family might have fucked up your family’s life too, not just their own.

I got up twice a night to feed my brother because my dad had to sleep unmolested in my room to get to work and my mom was too weak to carry my brother or even hold him against her while she nursed so I had to hold him up to her. Adjusting to living in a city and hearing lots of random noises all the time was not easy when I'd had mom sound instincts from age 9.

I learned to drive the fall my youngest bro was born because my mom couldn't and I had to get my middle brother to preschool and go the grocery store on my own. While I hold absolutely no ill will towards my father or grandfather for this and given that about 1/3 of my paternal family either has an autism diagnosis or should, I fully feel the struggles they both went through to be communicated with, my father wouldn't ask for help, and my grandmother that lived 20 minutes away couldn't give enough help because my grandfather refused to do a single dish on his own as that was outside their "marriage contract" type agreement and she couldn't ever stay with us overnight when there wasn't a clearly-communicated need, so they let the burden fall on a 9 - 11 year old child and that really shaped a lot of my life in both good and bad ways. My youngest brother is 22, and we have only just climbed out of the medical debt his birth left us with between my dad's life insurance and my oldest brother and I paying for the extra cost of out-of-state college tuition.

The irony of all of this is that because my father died before his father, when my grandmother dies, my siblings and I will all inherit enough money (as a non-blood relative my mom, despite keeping her vows to part at death and not having remarried in eight years, is cut out entirely) to make this a non-issue, but my grandfather couldn't conscience spotting his unluckiest child some money in the end of days to pay for my youngest two brothers' education and take that worry off my father as he was dying. The day before he died I had to hold him down in bed to keep him from trying to climb in his truck to go to work because he was so anxious about trying to provide for us in spite of his father having fuck you money, because his father didn't think it was fair to the other siblings (who, at the time, still owned a major hedge fund and were married to a C-level executive of a huge conglomerate). A day and a half later I went back to my job because at the time I was then the sole provider for the family and didn't want to risk asking for the standard week's bereavement leave when I knew I was capable of showing up at work the next day and was fresh out of college so hadn't built up a reputation yet.

My father worked the day each of us was born, so I suppose it is only fair and he smiled at the choice. In spite of what it may seem, I gave a baller and very heartfelt speech at his funeral to all his rich friends that over and above everything, he'd taught us how to be happy with our own lives no matter what, and multiple of them emailed my mom in the aftermath to say they'd reassessed their relationship with their children in light of it, although...tbh I kind of doubt that lasted and they probably changed nothing 😅. The last good talk I had with him, two weeks before he died [his liver was going and it sent toxins to his brain that de-personed him after that and he no longer recognized me as his daughter, but as his sister], I reassured him that though we would all be sad he'd gone, we'd live on just fine without him because that's how he'd raised us, and according to my mom that was what gave him the final bit of peace he needed. Although honestly, I don't think I will ever see the strength in another human again that it took my grandmother to sit next to him and stroke his hand and tell him to close his eyes and imagine he was happy on a beach and die, for God's sake, because he was unaware and in pain and just prolonging it for our sake by then.

That type of obsession my grandfather had with assessing his children and grandchildren on the basis of economic productivity and a very black and white idea of "fair" is one you don't easily forget, I promise you. My hedge fund uncle is currently positioning himself to screw us out of our inheritance because of janky writing in the will and I'm doing my fuck all best to gain the wherewithal to go toe-to-toe with this cold motherfucker in court as the oldest and representative member of my happily much nicer and softer younger brothers who I want to remain that way not because I even care that much about the money, I know what bills affect your credit first and what you can put off paying and all of us have good enough career prospects to do our own thing, but just because I want to give the middle finger to a man that was a multi-millionaire and drew lines on his milk and orange juice bottles when I came over so he knew if I drank what my parents couldn't afford when I was approximately six. Anyway, ask me why I support major reforms in wealth taxation. I don't care who it goes to, just not that guy, you feel?

Having expendable income was very exciting for a bit after I started working but once I got to the hateable point of assessing my annual bonus and internally complaining that I'd spent the money I should have spent on a Sauternes cellar to drop five digits on bedset materials (to be fair they are drop dead gorgeous, very comfy and the factory pays a living wage for people to handmake the sheets/duvets/pillows to people in San Francisco, which is not cheap, so maybe I did more good than harm with that), I two seconds later nodded to myself and went "the government needs to confiscate more money from me". The narrative is always that the "undeserving" will use it for dumb things they don't need like iPhones or refrigerators...?...but like...I could also have gone to Bed Bath and Beyond and bought a very nice sheet/comforter set for at most a tenth of what I paid so am I really spending it responsibly either....?....who is going to get more joy out of this misspent money....?....not me, that is for sure, I probably would have had more fun going to BBB and laying on all the demo beds and buying something there.

My lifelong dream, which may become possible if/when I do have something of an inheritance, is to provide food security for one of the many towns in the US were most residents don't have it. It's the thing I remember the most distinctly over the years. I never could quite believe it when I got to the point that I could just...pay to eat at a restaurant. One of the most disappointed my mother has ever been in me is when I was twenty five and confessed I actually had no idea how much a gallon of milk cost in a city grocery store besides that it was probably between $1 and $5, because I didn't have to know. For now I make a weekly drop off of my excess produce to a mom group I met under somewhat weird circumstances but I was walking through the cut-through that went through the low-income housing back to my apartment at like 2 AM on a Saturday and these moms were out there partying and smoking weed with their kids all strapped in strollers around or the older ones watched by a rotating member of the group and I felt very safe and like these moms had a very good vibe of both living their own lives [seriously for mental health parents but in most cases specifically mothers need to be able to keep up relationships with people their age] but keeping their children safe and accounted for while doing so and trying their fuckin' best against all the odds to figure out how to make that happen when life had dealt them a shit hand.

...anyway, looping way back to the original question of what finishing school is, when I was almost done with middle school my dad had built a legit construction business that then very quickly took off because we lived in a commutable zip code to the now-rich-in-their-own-right people he went to high school with who trusted him to redo their homes. We eventually moved to that zip code but I stayed and commuted back to my old high school. But, i was a pretty wild kid which my father appreciated for a long while because I would follow him around on jobs and enjoy doing physical labor, but once I was mid-puberty and also he had to maybe show me to his high school friends that did not fly.

I snapped - not broke, snapped - my left thumb and my parents had to trap me like a wild animal to get me to go the hospital. Then I got a deep cut that partially injured a tendon in my leg and at eleven I tried to beat the shit out of my dad to prevent him from picking me up to strap me in the car and go to the hopsital. Next I got a deep splinter due to my eternal-barefoot tendencies and it wouldn't come out so got infected and I refused to go to the doctor [another weird back story but I was minorly sexually assaulted [[to be clear, not raped or anything big traumatic]] when I was eight and had to stay in hospital for a week and my parents couldn't be with me all the time so I have a permanent heebie-jeebie about going to the hospital, not true anxiety, I will go if I know I need to and I don't breathe heavy or anything, and I'm actually not permanently weirded out by sex or anything, just doctors in hospitals specifically I kind of unconsciously try to justify not needing to the extent I can rationalize it] and my dad was tired of my antics so he was like "fine if you don't go I will slice your foot in half with a Swiss Army knife to get it out" and I called his bluff and laid down on the floor, stuck my foot on his lap, and he didn't really know what to do when a barely fourteen year old girl called his bluff so my brothers watched in fascinated but horrified awe as I got my foot sliced open spectacularly so that the infection/splinter could come out and I didn't even make a sound out of spite despite it being quite painful to my recollection almost twenty years later.

They saw me cry from pain exactly one time when while trying to break up a fight between all three of them (it was over ice cream) I got pushed and my ankle got dislocated and what actually made me cry was snapping it back in place and they realized it was not a joke. These dumb assholes that I love have ragged on me for "skipping" chores the day after I was in the hospital because the day before that I had to spend 18 hours running Thanksgiving as a good sub-hostess like I didn't have a serious infection that needed treating and couldn't rest because none of them were up to any task beyond peeling potatoes.

After the Swiss Army knife incident, my dad's discussion of sending me to finishing school became real, which I knew when my mom made me take a walk with her and talked about it. Finishing school is like...etiquette school....? In ye olden day when finishing high school was not the norm for anyone, wealthy men finished high school and wealthy women often went to "finishing" school to have a combined education on being a proper lady but also being able to hold a decent conversation with your presumably-educated husband, so it wasn't entirely etiquette non-academic. It was more just like "what a rich man wants in a wife" school, which was sort of household management and knowing enough about cleaning/cooking to correct the staff if they fucked up, how to be a polite hostess, and how to not entirely bore him when you were alone together and had done your five minutes of sex or whatever so actually had to have a conversation. In modern times it has obviously expanded to be less bleak.

I said miss me with that, I can be a girl on my own, so I went full throttle into the girliest sport they offer in high school and ever since have gained the inestimable advantage of knowing how to also use femininity to my advantage, which I am very grateful to my parents for making me learn. It would be great if we lived in a world where that didn't count, but it did/still does, and they really set me up to operate in all the worlds.

It is weird for me to tell the story to Internet strangers because it's one of those things that makes your parents sound terrible and abusive in the general tone of the Internet nowadays, and while I support gender nonconforming children I don't remember my childhood or parents that way. But, I feel like the bits and pieces of my life I've given don't always make a ton of sense together without the context, so here it is, and in the end, I think a number of parts of it are areas where you can probably understand where it makes me have the opinions I do when I write.

Anyhoo, this makes my life sound far worse than it is, I actually have a great life and I am not unhappy with it at all and feel I was on the whole blessed with many more turns of luck than unluck, so, please, do not take this as a depressed artist rant, it is more like a rant of a very energetic person who rants about a lot of things all the time and didn’t need to come out but just did because the question was asked and the time was right with my life being in a bit of flux to think about how I got where I am and where I want to go and why.

Always remember no matter what problems it seems like I have, if I didn’t solve them on my 2 year round the world traveling hiatus I took from working, it’s my own fault, I definitely had the time and money to solve them and just chose not to.

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writingsfromhome · 4 years ago

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Bad Timing I(.5)

A/N: This is the sort of backstory to Harry and you, I think it can be read on its own if you want, or before you read the first part too. It’s angsty af, but it has some death and sensitive topics jsyk. I tried to keep it concise but it got a little wordy as angst does. xx

Part 1

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About 12 Years Ago:

“So are you coming to that party or not?” My roommate asks. She was one of the first people I’d met last year when we started uni and even though we came from different backgrounds we remained friends over the last year, even choosing to room together again. She got me to open up and find the extroverted part of me that was able to enjoy uni outside of academics.

“Ugh, I’m volunteering for the voting booths for the rest of the week. Maybe if I can make it?”

“You’re actually doing that?” She scrunches her nose. “I don’t get it. You’re just way too nerdy to be my friend.”

“And yet you loove me,” I squeeze her against me and she laughs. “It’s my mom, she said I had to do at least one extracurricular so I could meet friends this year.”

“You already have friends,” she points to herself, and with her came her group of friends that’d quickly taken me in last year.

And my mom doesn’t like that I hang out with you, I think. She thought we partied too much even though my grades stayed decent. “She wants me to have nerdy friends too, I dunno. They’re helping me pay my tuition until I get a job so I kinda have to play nice.”

“Parents suck,” my roommate flicks through her closet. I agreed, this was just something I would get through to get through. Then they would leave me alone for the rest of the year.

Little did I know the person they’d partner me with at my polling station was someone who would be in my life for the next decade.

“I’m Harry by the way,” he’d said after we received our orientation and assigned the building we were going to babysit the votes in. “Second year.”

“Me too! I’m Y/N. What’s your major? I’ve never seen you around.”

“Law--well I haven’t decided if it’s law but that’s what I’m in right now.”

“Really? Law?” I was openly judging, he just didn’t seem the law type.

“Well what are you in?” He demands.

“Business,” I cringe.

“Really? Business?” He has a cheeky smile on, one that would become familiar to me.

“Well, you just don’t seem like the law type. They’re usually more uptight, dress way too smart for me.”

“I know, it’s like, we’re not even in the courtroom yet,” he joins in and it makes me laugh--how he could poke fun at his own people. That’s when I knew we would get along fine, and I actually looked forward to the next few days getting to know him better.

“I’m definitely telling my mum about you, she’s been begging me to make friends outside of my circle. I’ll tell her I’m friends with a law student.”

“So we’re friends already?” We’d reached our booth and began setting up the partitions. He takes over when I set it up wrong.

“Obviously,” I say. “I actually like you which means you’ll have a hard time getting rid of me.”

“I’m alright with that,” he grins and I notice the laugh lines that are brought to life as he does. It somehow made him seem more genuinely.

We spend the rest of the time swapping stories, classes, rants. We check student IDs and hand out voting cards in between but it doesn’t feel like a drag anymore. At the end of the day, I invite him to the party my roommate was going to with our friends. If he was going, maybe I would too. He seemed like he might be fun at a party.

“Er,” he suddenly seems nervous. “I’ll have to ask my girlfriend, she wanted to hang out tonight.”

“Well bring her too!” I say excitedly. “Is she law as well?”

“No, she’s in the arts.”

“I like her already,” I push. “Bring her, my friends are fun you’ll learn how to have a good time.”

“I know how to have a good time,” there was the flash of his dimples again. “Text me the address.”

And thus began a friendship for the next four years, partying together, studying together (trying to), and hanging out in each other’s rooms. We would set each other up with other friends, double dated, went out for sunrise-hikes, and took long drives at night when we had to blow some steam off from being over-stressed, over-studied uni students. Our friend circles overlapped, the fabric of our lives eventually bleeding together. We were made of the same fibers, sticking together even after uni, when our friends got more serious about their careers. When they moved out of the country or to another city, we made sure to rent places close enough that we could still see each other often. And somehow, in the new chapter of our lives, without the partying and our other friends to buffer, we became closer than before.

We cared for each other--we didn’t deny that ever. And somehow that platonic love turned romantic as we depended on each other while we navigated adulthood. I can’t exactly pinpoint where things changed, but one evening our relationship was changed forever.

7 years ago:

“She literally wants me to stay until 7, and she was offended when I said no! I’m not even getting paid for that!” I was bitching to Harry about my shitty job.

“That’s bollocks” Harry shrugs. “Just say you’ve got family obligations or something.”

“I said that the one time she wanted us to come in on a weekend and she gave me shite work the following week! I just...I can’t afford to lose this job Harry.”

“That’s shitty, I’m sorry.” He takes the last swig of his beer. “Want another one?”

“I haven’t even finished this one,” I moan at my now warm beer that I’d been nursing for the last hour, too busy ranting to drink it. “It’s getting late though I should head home before it’s dark. Don’t want that nutter that hangs around my building to harass me again.”

“I’ll walk you home,” Harry suggests. He lived a 15 minute walk from me.

“No no,” I get up and take our dirty dishes to the sink. “I didn’t even ask about you, how was your day?”

“Same old,” he sighs against the counter. “I feel like I don’t fit in, everyone my age is finishing their law degree but I don’t think I want to.”

“I knew from the day I met you, you weren’t destined for the courtroom.” I pull him into a comforting hug. “Do what makes you happy, or what doesn’t make you want to say fuck it and quit your job to hibernate.”

“You really know the perfect thing to say,” Harry chuckles but he pulls me tighter against him. I stroke his back, reassuring him he’d be alright in the end.

“Y/N-” he pulls away to say something but freezes mid sentence. I raise an eyebrow but he’s still, staring at my face.

“Harry?” I ask, but he continues staring. “Hello? You alright?”

“Yeah,” he breaks into a sudden smile. That was weird--I make sure he’s okay before letting go.

Before I leave, I kiss Harry’s cheek goodbye--I was never shy in the affection I gave my friends and Harry’s bummed mood needed extra affection tonight. But what I don’t expect is for him to catch me before I pull away, staring intently into my eyes. The lighthearted energy between us disappears instantly as it dawns on me, how close we were, the unspoken feelings in his eyes, the hesitation before he presses his lips to mine.

I kissed him back then, barely understanding what was happening, before pulling away. I give him a smile but that’s just what he sees at the tip of the iceberg, underneath my mixed feelings churn away. My best friend just kissed me, and I wasn’t totally mad about it.

“It’s getting dark I-” I say as Harry says, “Sorry was that okay?”

We laugh awkwardly, neither of us sure what to do at this point. We decide to ignore it instead.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Harry lets me go and opens the door for me. “Watch out for the neighbourhood nutter yea?”

I stand in place, feeling the fibers of our friendship unraveling but feeling hopeless in mending the tear. “Take care Harry.”

I high tail it out, my thoughts going at an impossible rate as I sort out what happened. And we try to ignore it the next couple weeks,

We hadn’t made it official then, too nervous to face what this meant about our friendships. It was only at my sister’s wedding, that I realised what was wrong between us. I’d been mourning our old friendship, and avoiding him in the weeks since the kiss. But what I didn’t realise was that our friendship had been changing over the last year anyway, and getting drunk on champagne and dancing with Harry, while my sister celebrated the happiest day of her life, made me realise there was a cause for celebration here: a new chapter in our lives.

A couple days later, after a stressful day at work, I’d taken the tube to his flat and waited for him outside. He was surprised to see me there, not saying much except to open the door and let me in. As soon as he’d closed it, my lips were attached to his and we’d let our bags drop, coats, and any piece of clothing between us. After that night, we didn’t even try to deny how we felt about each other.

“I didn’t think I could ever be this happy,” he’s whispered to me after. I thought he’d fallen asleep but his whisper in the dark made me grin to myself. “Are you awake.”

“I am. Awake and happy.” I turn to face him, giggling. “Who knew this could feel so right.”

“Our first kiss was quite wrong though wasn’t it?” Harry says and it makes me laugh.

“That’s why I needed to do a redo,” I tease. “Can’t leave you to plan anything.”

“It wasn’t planned I swear, I was trying to be spontaneous.”

“Let’s not try ‘spontaneous’ again then,” I kiss him in the dark. He pulls me snug against him, I never knew how safe it felt. The safest I would ever feel, wrapped in the warmth with my best friend and now something else.

It was a good few months, testing the waters as our relationship underwent a transformation. All of our friends were supportive, but we never missed the glances between them. Apparently, they were waiting for this to happen. But as sweet as those first few months had been, finding out my mum was sick with a timeline was devastating. I came apart at the seams but Harry stayed through it all, holding me together. He’d proposed then, wanting my mum to be part of the ceremony. We had a small wedding, intimate but still magical. It was bittersweet, the amount of love and happiness I felt towards Harry and our loved ones around us as he said I do and as he took my arm and swept me across the dancefloor. But the amount of sadness crushing my chest kept me from being the weightless bride I always thought I would be.

Through it all, Harry stayed by my side. While we were hopeful, the day our hopes were dashed, the days and weeks I mourned. When my sister and her husband came to stay with their crazy toddlers and Harry kept them entertained giving my sister and I time together. I thought he was perfect, that I’d lucked out.

That lasted a few years, 3 and a half to be exact. There were months leading up to our split and we could point to a bunch of things that could’ve led to it. a) him wanting kids, and me wanting to wait or b) long hours we worked as we changed careers and tried to make our way up or c) how hard getting pregnant actually was. Maybe I pushed him away, or he didn’t love me enough to try and make it work.

I think I lied to myself, avoiding the tension creeping into the relationship. The tired excuses and time spent apart, the lack of usual affection, or casual conversations. I was an idiot, I realise every time I think about the end in retrospect. Maybe if I caught on earlier I could have fixed us before we fell apart. Maybe I could have saved us.

“There’s someone coming in Tuesday morning to fix the broken washer, will you be home?” I ask, still in bed and scrolling through my phone. I hadn’t meant to be up this early but Harry woke me as he got up and I couldn’t fall back asleep.

“No,” Harry responds, his back to me as he ruffles through the dresser. “I’ve got a thing that morning.”

“Well I’ve got to go in early Tuesday-I thought you might be home.” I say. I hear an edge to Harry’s voice but I try not to focus on it. He’d been a little cold all weekend and I was scared to think what it meant.

“You couldn’t be bothered to check in when you confirmed the date?” Harry asks harshly.

“I...guess not.” I put my phone down and wait for Harry to turn, maybe I could read his expression. Maybe he was stressed. “Harry?”

“What?” He turns, but he looks at me with no emotion. No stress, no frustration, not even anger. It’s the lack of emotion in his face that cause my eyes to prick with tears. Harry raises his eyebrows and I shake my head, untangling myself from the sheets so he doesn’t see any tears. I rush to the bathroom but forget to close the door out of habit.

“Y/N,” a kinder Harry appears by the doorway. His face has smoothed out the harsh lines, his eyes hesitant and cautious.

“What’s happened with us?” I blurt out. “Why are you so cold all the time? Am I doing something wrong?”

Harry’s face falls and he walks towards me but doesn’t touch me. “It’s nothing like that. It’s...I don’t know. We should talk.”

He reaches his hand out but I flinch away. “Did you meet somebody new or something? What are we talking about?”

“Let’s not do this here. Right now.”

“Why not!” I finally had enough. “I’ve been walking on eggshells for months Harry! I don’t know what’s wrong and I keep waiting for you to bloody tell me!”

“This isn’t working!” Harry raises his voice to compensate for mine. I’m immediately silenced by the volume, and then the words sink in.

“Is there someone else?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer, his gaze on the hanging vines by the window. My heart drops into my stomach like a boulder, and I find it hard to breathe. I clutch the porcelain sink and ask in a surprisingly even tone, “Harry. Answer me.”

“What we have, Y/N...it’s dysfunctional.” He says quietly, meeting my eyes. “It doesn’t matter if there’s someone else, we’ve been fighting for months. Things aren’t the same between us-”

“Who is she?” I ask. I needed to know.

“That’s not relevant,” he shuts my question down quickly. “I’m sorry Y/N, I...I don’t want to hurt you. I care about you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t,” I’d pleaded. “We can go to counseling, talk it through-”

“I can’t Y/N.”

“Because of her.”

“No, because this isn’t good for either of us.” He’d walked up to me, cradled my face. “We’re not good for each other, not like this.”

“Who is she?” I yank his hands away.

“She’s...it doesn’t matter, I swear nothing happened between us Y/N. Knowing who she is isn’t going to help this situation--”

“It is! If it weren’t for her, you’d be willing to work on us--to see a future. You...Harry how could you do this to me? To us?” The tears come with no control. “You’re moving on before we’re even over. How are you giving up on us like that?”

“I’m not!” his voice booms in the tiled bathroom. “I’m not bloody giving up on us! I tried Y/N, so many times. I tried! You just keep pushing at me to be someone I’m not and-”

“I can say the same thing about you!” I throw the brush in my hands into the sink. “We were good! And you got it in your head you wanted a baby even though we’re young, oh my god Harry you kept pestering me to change my mind even though I told you I needed time!”

“It’s not like we could have a fucking baby anyway,” Harry says bitterly before realising what he’d said. “Shit-”

“There you go,” I mock. “I knew it. I knew you were holding that against me. And that,” I jab my finger into his chest. “Is what’s made you so moody, so mean and why we’re always fighting. You held it against me.”.

There was absolute truth to what I said. Last year, Harry had brought the baby topic up. I’d told him we were only in our mid-20s, we had a lot of time, and we still had a career to establish. But he would bring up the topic often enough that I’d given in.To make him happy. And months went by, trying for a baby. Went we finally went to our doctor, she’d told us why it was so hard, it could take us years she’d said.

Harry came home that day dejected, and left me feeling like a failure. I think it tore us up.

“You wanted a baby so fucking bad and when I couldn’t, it made me feel like a complete failure. And I told you that! And you did absolutely nothing to make me feel better. You held it against me, Harry! You didn’t even try to tell me it was okay.”

“It’s not so fucking simple,” he says, his cheeks flushed pink. Maybe it was anger, or maybe it was embarrassment from being confronted with an ugly truth.

“It is. And now you’ve upgraded to a newer model, maybe her version comes with a fertile womb.” I take the cheap shot.

He doesn’t say anything though. And I don’t know why that hurts more than knowing he’d fallen for another woman while he was still married to me. My best friend in the whole world had just broken my heart into a million irrevocable pieces.

“It’s a bunch of things Y/N,” he finally says. “That’s just part of it. We’re not...we’re just not working!”

“Did you even try to make it work?” I ask, swiping my sleeve across my face. “Did you ever think how I felt? How you made me feel Harry? You’ve been slipping away from me without talking to me-” I break off. I couldn’t speak through the heartbreak, the thunderstorm of grief threatens to consume me and my sobs are the only thing that manages to come out.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” Harry tries to place a hand on my shoulder but I jerk away, moving to sit on the edge of the bathtub. “Y/N...”

“Just go,” I say through the tears.

“We can talk more about this later-”

"Just go,” I say louder.

Harry’s phone rings again from the bedroom and he sighs. But he leaves me, crying on the bathroom floor. The sadness that was always in my peripheral consumes me. I’d carried this sadness for a long time--ever since I found out my mum was sick, the sadness plagued me. I’d neatly packed it up once I decided to move forward with my life like my mum would want me to, but now it comes back tenfold, marrying the grief of losing Harry like this. And I stay on the floor crying my grief away for hours, eventually crawling into bed and sleeping the daylight away.

When I wake, it’s 6 and Harry isn’t home. I take that as a sign and get up to pack up a few things. I call my sister who still lived in London then, and crash on her couch, staying there for a few weeks and ignoring any call or text from Harry. When I need to go back, for my things, I find him sleeping on the couch with the TV on, something I always found endearing. But I can’t afford to dwell on how much it hurt seeing him like that.

He must have woken from the noise because when he finds me, he tries to stop me and tell me that we still needed to talk.

“About what?” I ask, just tired now. Too many tears shed and too many hours laying awake thinking about the exact moment we went wrong.

“Us,” Harry looked tired too. He was probably throwing himself into his work with nothing like me to hold him back, I think bitterly. His girlfriend had probably already been to our house--his house.

“What about us?” I barely look at him as I begin folding away all my clothes.

“I don’t know,” Harry sits on the bed. “Don’t you want to talk?”

“I’ve got nothing to say, do you?”

Harry sighs, “I don’t know.”

“Nice talk then,” I say, shoving the rest of my things in just so I could get out.

“I just want you to know I care about you Y/N, I don’t want to hurt you.” He says as I pack.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. If you cared about me, and you didn’t want to hurt me you wouldn’t have done this to us.”

“I wasn’t trying to--I didn’t mean to go and fall for someone else-”

“Just stop,” I cut him off. I couldn’t hear it, how the man I loved fell for someone else. I couldn’t break down here. Again.

He said he cared but it didn’t feel that way. It hurt more than I wished to admit. He knew what I’d been through and he still betrayed me, tossed my heart like it was replaceable. The cut he left in me ran deep.

As I leave he tries to talk to me, but I barrel past him. He still reaches for me and pulls me into a hug, I struggle against him but he’s too strong. He wraps me in his arms until I go still but it’s too much. A sob escapes me, and this time he lets me push him off and leave, my bag banging into my hips every time I take a step. As soon as I got into my Uber, I can’t stop crying. There was an infinite pool of tears where Harry was involved.

3 years ago:

My trust and my heart had been been lost in the war between Harry and I. It only took him a month to mail my divorce papers which sat collecting dust on my dining table until he showed up at work one day and demanded I sign them by the end of that week. I’d taken the day off the day I mailed those in, mourning the end of something that was once so safe and beautiful.

When a close friend calls me on a warm July afternoon, I don’t consider her warning that I shouldn’t check Instagram. That I still had Harry’s friends on my list. I open Instagram before she can tell me why, and see it. Harry was getting married, again. To the woman he gave up on us for. I try to zoom in on a picture without liking it, she was pretty...and blonde. She looked familiar--probably from his office. It didn’t take him long.

It was like someone had taken a retractor to the wound I thought had finally scabbed over. The physical proof that Harry had moved on is just the salt on the wound.

I cry myself to sleep that night.

2 Years ago;

The guy in front of me drones on about his job, mansplaining to me how a mortgage worked as if I wasn’t in finance myself. I excuse myself to use the restroom, checking my phone to see a text from my sister. She’d moved to Scotland this year, to where her husband was from, and I’d missed her terribly in the last year.

A little birdie told me your demon-ex just got divorced 🥂

I stare at the screen, chest feeling tight. I felt vindicated somehow, but I also felt a small bit of sadness. What a fuck-up.

Good for him I had texted back. A part of me wanted him to hurt the way he hurt me.

I went back to my date with a renewed enthusiasm. I’d ordered more wine and got so drunk he was actually interesting enough to take home.

About 1 year ago

“Y/N,” a voice from my past says, one that haunted me some nights. I turn as I exit the shop I was just in. I blink at the sight before me, Harry in a vest and hat. He realises what I’m staring at and laughs awkwardly. “I’m in uniform.”

“You’re...police?” I look up to his face finally. He hadn’t aged a day, although the hat he wears makes him look a little silly.

“Yeah I joined the force uhm...almost 4 years ago now...law didn’t really suit me.”

I know what he was doing, trying to find a baseline to have a conversation. But he was dead to me, and I didn’t want to invite him back in when I was finally forgetting about him.

"Seems like you dropped a lot of dead-weight four years ago.”

I watch his face fall as he realises I wasn’t going to pretend to be friendly.

“Seems that way to you,” he says cautiously. “But that’s not how it happened.”

I shrug. “So. I heard about the divorce. Must’ve been hard being put through that.”

I knew I was being petty, obviously I never got the closure I want (according to my therapist) and I wasn’t over him hurting me the way he did (also according to my therapist). This was how I got my peace, and it wasn’t the best version of me but it was the only one I knew how to be right now.

“Yep,” he crosses his arms over his chest. “So, are you seeing anyone?”

He knew I wasn’t, I don’t know how but the way he stoops to my level I know he knows I hadn’t had a long term relationship since him.

“Not at the moment,” I say awkwardly. “Just focusing on my job...trying to get this promotion.”

“Sorry,” he seems to shake off whatever had come over him. “That was...nosy, I shouldn’t have asked.”

Having him be the bigger person sets something off in me, like there was an anger-bomb inside my mind where he lived and knowing that he was doing okay enough to be able to be the bigger person disrupts this calm I was trying to keep.

“Maybe you shoudn’t have stopped me to ask anything at all. We don’t have anything to talk about anyway.”

I turn around and start to walk away but he catches up, “I wasn’t trying to upset you-”

“Well you have a way of doing that. Please just leave me alone Harry.”

He huffs beside me, “After all this time, can’t we just bloody talk like two adults?”

I freeze and turn to him slowly. He seems to sense this was the wrong thing to say because he takes a step back. “After all this time? Are you serious? I was the one you left behind Harry when you went off to lives your best lift Harry. We’re not living the same life, and we’re not coming from the same bloody place. Don’t fucking patronize me and ask me to talk to you like an adult when you bring out the worst part of me. I meant what I said: I want you to leave me alone. And you know what, if we ever run into each other again, just don’t even talk to me. Pretend you don’t know me. I want nothing to do with you.”

He opens his mouth but his partner calls him from the shop’s entrance. He stays silent, letting me go. As soon as I turn the street corner I rush the rest of the way to the tube, collapsing into a seat and trying to sort out my breathing. It was a shitty feeling, knowing someone was going to be in your life forever because you shared so much history that even when that part of your life ended they were still there. There was so much apart of me, around me, that reminded me of him. And it felt so lonely carrying that around. I wanted to be done with him, I wanted my heart to purge him out. But it couldn’t stop carrying him around everywhere I go.

#Harry Styles #harry styles fic #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfic #fic #writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles series #detective!harry #backstory #this one made me sad to write #but ALSO #if there are any errors #no there is not

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statticscribbles · 4 years ago

Text

Strongest Pt 2

Summary: Sweet Pea/Reader Request: Pt 2 to Strongest

“Listen I don’t want to cause anything; but is everything okay between you and Sweet Pea?” You turn confused to Betty who sits next to you. “As far as I know it is; why? Is he saying something?” “No it’s just; Jughead’s been seeming more stressed lately and it seems to constantly lead back to Sweet Pea.” “I mean maybe its cause he’s been trying to actually take paying work? Since I’m taking any shifts I can at Pop’s but even then it’s not much; or near enough when it comes to being able to have any sort of savings.” Betty nods chewing her lip.

“I know it’s probably a bit late to be talking about this; but are you going to keep it?” You nod. “Yeah; I mean I thought about you know; just getting rid of it; and then about what happened to Polly; going to the sister’s giving it up for adoption but I just; I got scared. Like the thought of this kid just getting rejected right from the get go; like all the Southsider’s deal with shit, we’ve all been rejected or overlooked but the though of having abandoned it; just; I couldn’t do it.” “Well I think it’s really good that Sweet Pea’s stepping up to actually help. I was pretty surprised when he told us he got another job to help support you. It’s sweet.” “Surprised?” You furrow your brow.

“Well yeah I mean Southsider’s aren’t known for their parenting skills. I mean you’ve heard what happened to my mom.” “Like father like son.” You mutter chuckling to yourself freezing when Betty glares at you. “I can’t believe you’d imply that Jughead would do something like that to me! That’s horrible of you; just because you don’t have the mind to be safe about these things.” She snaps and you can’t help the red you see; you thankfully have the excuse to blame hormones for now. Although even as you’re saying it you’re regretting it. “It’s not an implication; it’s fact; who do you think he was slumming it with when you threw a fit and broke it off with him?” “He what?” You swallow shaking your head. “Nothing it was a low dig I didn’t- Betty wait! Fuck.” You hold your face in your hands.

“Y/N? You okay?” “I just fucked everything up. I’m gonna die.” You look up to see Toni and Cheryl standing in front of you. “Betty knows.” “Oh; well shit. I mean that’s not really your problem; it’s Jughead’s. Don’t stress about it.” Toni awkwardly pats your shoulder. “How about something to cheer you up?” “Cheryl I don’t think anything can cheer me up; why are you handing me your credit card.”

“Because yesterday Fangs told me you were stressing about clothes because you’ve been spending most of the pay checks you’ve been earning on practical things like diapers and food; like hell if I’m letting my god child be dressed in rags.” “Cheryl you don’t have to, really it’s fine.” “So I am a god-parent.” She smirks and Toni raises an eyebrow. “Well yeah, both you and Toni are like live savers for me right now and-“ “Cheryl calm down. People are staring.” Toni sighs smiling at you as Cheryl untangles herself from the hug she’s given you. ————————————————

You look confused to where Sweet Pea sits half asleep half holding a book. “What’re you doing?” “Reading?” “Sweets you just got home from a double shift you can read whatever it is later; you need to rest.” “You’re upset at me cause I’m reading?” “I don’t care about the books; just rest please.” “No not about the books; something else then.” He hums when you nod sinking onto the couch. “Betty knows; I fucked up and let it slip and now she knows and she hates me and Jughead is gonna kick me outta the serpents and-“ “Whoa hey babe, no he’s not; no he’s not; come here love. It’s okay; it’ll work out.” He moves over pulling you onto his lap instead of where you’d settled on the couch. “Did you know-“

“Babe please, please don’t tell me any weird or scary pregnancy facts” “I was just going to say I love you.” “Oh.” your face flushes and he beams. “You’re adorable when you’re embarrassed you know that right?” “I’m not; I’m awful and-“ “Please don’t finish that sentence or I’m going to have to start learning poetry to combat your self hatred. I love you; no matter what you look like; even if you’re gonna go all stereotypical and complain how fat and horrible you think you look, I don’t think that and nothing you can do will change my mind.” ———————————————————————————-

“Listen Y/N; I know I’ve been a huge asshole lately but I want to try to help.” “Is this cause Betty threatened to break up with you again?” “No, Betty has nothing to do with this.” “So you already broke up then?” “Will you listen? Christ I’m trying to be helpful and here you are acting like-“ “Like what Jones? You have something else to say to make her cry? Or anything to add to her stress levels? You really want to ‘just talk’ I mean it’s obvious how Betty’s not talking to you again.” “Sweet Pea this doesn’t concern you it’s between me and Y/N” Jughead snaps and you watch slightly amused as you remember the last confrontation you’d heard.

“Its about my girl so it concerns me; about my family too.” “Don’t pull that shit we both know it’s not your kid.” “Oh; so everyone knows you’re just like your dad? Abandoning your kid before they even realize what’s happening? I’ve told you before Jones; you don’t get to be involved unless Y/N needs something; does she need you?” “Well obviously I’m the actual dad.” “Did you ask her?” You sink in your seat and can feel Toni nudging you. “Stress is bad. You want to bounce?” “It is kind of fun to see them awkwardly try to fight. Does everyone really know about Sweet Pea?”

“No I think Jughead’s just trying to rile him up; FP knows though; apparently he’s livid so I’m sure Jughead is stressed from that.” “FP knows?” You laugh a little and Toni looks confused. You pull your phone out scrolling through your photos. “After that little shopping spree Cheryl dragged us on; I was putting stuff away and assumed I must have gotten it as a joke; but I guess FP snuck it in.” Toni snorts smiling and nodding. “Please you have to put the kid in that. Please.” You nod laughing looking up when you hear a cough. “Put him in what?”

“My dad got you something?” You shrug showing the picture to Sweet Pea who grins laughing. “Your dad has good taste Jughead; I’ll give him that.” Jughead rolls his eyes at the tiny leather jacket. “I don’t see why you didn’t bother finding out the gender; it would make the whole clothes shopping easier you know.” “And what would you know about that?” You shake your head at him and he shrugs. “Well if you let me help;” “You just want to get back in your dad and Betty’s good books.” “Speaking of Betty.”Toni mumbles and you turn when she walks up.

“Hey Y/N can we talk; alone.” She glares at Jughead and you nod following her out of everyone’s earshot. “I’m sorry about how I reacted earlier. I shouldn’t have been so upset at you.” Her hand brushes your shoulder. “I mean you had a right to be; you’d found out your boyfriend slept around and then knocked up one of the people he was sleeping around with.” “It doesn’t mean I should take my anger out on you.” You shrug. “You didn’t really.”

“Toni and Cheryl told me how it was stressing you out and-“ “Betty; a lot of things are stressing me out; I’m becoming a southside statistic; I’m working any chance I get at Pop’s or the Wyrm when Sweet’s doesn’t notice. He’s pulling double shifts. We’re trying to get something saved up for hospital bills; not to mention just regular baby stuff; so you being a little bitter cause your boyfriend caused all this is okay. I am also a little bitter.” “If it makes you feel better FP is making him use part of his tuition money.” “For what?” “Whatever you need according to how pissed FP was.” “I should talk to him.” “Jughead?” “No FP.” Betty nods. “Do you want company?” ———————————————————————-

You tap at the trailer door. Waiting until FP opens it. “Jughead isn’t home; but I’m guessing that’s why you’re here. Come in.” “You don’t need to make him use his money on-“ “Y/N calm down; I’m not making him; I strongly suggested it and then explained why it was the best idea; if he puts money towards the kid now; you’ll be less likely to wreak havoc later; not saying you would but just in case. Besides the rest of the Serpent’s are already pitching in and- Don’t you dare say no; we’re you’re family, and family take care of there own; besides you know what they say about baby rattlesnakes right?” “Is this another famous snake fact?”

“Yes, yes it is; baby rattlesnakes are more venomous than the adults. That kid is going to be so protected bubble wrap will be out of a job.” You laugh and FP smiles. “Seriously Y/N just cause my son doesn’t want anything to do with his kid doesn’t mean I want the same thing.” “I dunno you, being a grandfather? I can’t see it.” “I’m already retired, besides I heard your mom kicked you out; you’ll need someone to babysit who has experience.” “You heard about that?”

“Yeah, apparently you told Sweet Pea not to tell anyone? Like I said, we’re family; we’re here to take care of you. You’re a kid; you need help; please ask for it. Please.” You nod sighing. “Come here.” You lean into FP as he hugs you. “I’m sorry you’re in this mess; I’m sorry it didn’t work out with Jug; I’m sorry I can’t do more to help.”You nod wiping your eyes. “It’s okay dad don’t sweat it.” You can tell he lets the slip up go. “I won’t. I just have one request..” “I’m not naming him Forsythe if he’s a boy.” “I was going to say to not get me any of those ‘worlds best grandpa things’ but that too.” “Well now that’s all your getting.” FP glares but you can tell he doesn’t mean it. ————————————————

You frown when you see your mom sitting on the couch. She dangles the spare key in front of you before setting it on the table as she stands to hug you. “Y/N I’m so-“ “Don’t.” You cringe back and she sighs. “Honestly this entire mess can still be resolved if you just go to the sisters or-“ “Mom. Please stop.” “No you’re going to throw your entire future away for some child that the father doesn’t even want; you’re slumming it with some lesser Serpent cause he said whatever he did to get in your good books so he can sleep with you; you know that right? Whoever he is doesn’t actually care about you or the child; nobody cares about it besides you sweetheart; it would be better to just get rid of it.” “Mom just, please leave I get you think I’m making a mistake but it’s my choice and-“

“Exactly, it’s your choice you’re just a child; you can’t make a decision like this and expect to pick the right answer. Until you change your mind; until you make the right choice, the only choice I can’t be a part of this.” “I never expected you to be. It’s why I left; why I came here with-“ “Y/N I don’t care anymore. You’re free to ruin your life without me. I just came to let you know is all.” “You came to rub it in my face you’ve kicked me out of the house?” “Not to rub it in your face just to say goodbye for now; until you reevaluate your life.” She smiles as she leaves patting your shoulder. ———————————————————

You try your best not to wake Sweet Pea but when you shift over and sniffle slightly too loudly his hand twitches and he mumbles sleepily. “It’s okay Sweets; it’s nothing.” You assure him; you know you probably sound a little panicky a by product of the nightmare you’d just had. You swallow shifting backwards in the bed hoping he can’t feel you shaking. “You sure? Is Peanut okay?” “Peanut?” You watch as his face pulls back sheepishly. “Been calling him peanut in my head, easier that saying it, or the kid every time. I can stop if-“ You kiss him softly and he pulls you into his arms sighing. “It’s not peanut; just had a nightmare.” “You want to talk about it?”

“You weren’t there. I don’t know why but you just couldn’t make it and no one else was there and I was alone and-“ “Hey; hey baby it’s okay. I’ll be there I promise.” “Don’t say that.” “Well I did; and I’m going to. Can you sleep more right now its only four am.” “No I can’t.” You grumble and he smiles kissing you on the forehead. “We should probably figure out what to do whenever peanut decides to come out huh?” “Yeah I guess.” “You guess? You expect he’s just going to ask us if it’s convenient? Send us a letter or something?” You laugh shaking your head. “Just pack a bag and go to the hospital; like normal people.”

“You could always schedule it; it’d cost more but probably better in the long run.” “Oh yeah let me just call Peanut and see when he’s free.” “No babe; like a c-section. You can-“ “I don’t think that’s safe.”You shrug and Sweet Pea frowns. “ Did you know-“ “If you tell me any scary pregnancy facts I’ll cry.” “Babe… It’s just numbers about teen pregnancy; which you are, sort of. Most teen pregnancy births end in c-sections; it’s safer for everyone involved. You can’t just pretend nothing bad is ever going to happen.” “I can and I will, denial is my best friend right now.” “Y/N; what’s actually going on? It’s not just the nightmare is it.”

“My mom came over earlier.” “What did she say love?” You shake your head hiding your face in his chest. “I’m gonna end up like her and you’re going to leave; peanut won’t have his dad around and he’ll hate me.” “That’s not going to happen; you have me. I’m here; no matter what.” He kisses you and you smile into it. “I know; I love you.” “I love you too; but back to the Peanut issue. A C-section might-“ “No. That’s surgery; that’s too expensive we can’t afford that.” “Cheryl-“ “No I’m not asking anyone else to do shit for me and-“ His hand runs through your hair.

“Y/N; she almost strangled me when I told her and Betty you didn’t want a baby shower; she keeps tipping me fifties when Toni lets me take her shifts. Just ask, that’s all I’m asking.” You chew your lip. “It would make sure I could be there; you wouldn’t be in pain.” “Like FP won’t let you take off for you own kid being born…” You glare at him and he laughs. “I wouldn’t put it past him.” He coughs and you frown. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “Sweet Pea; I can tell something just happened.”

“It’s nothing.” You watch as he snuggles closer to you, you can feel him smiling into your hair. “Sweets. Come on; I just had a nightmare. I’m having your kid; tell me what made you happy.” “That.” He grins and you look confused at him. “I had a nightmare?” “No, that’s horrible; I meant the thing you said about peanut.”

“What about him?” You chew your lip thinking back to everything you’ve said. “Is it about the C-section?” “No it’s just; don’t make me say it.” “No I legit don’t understand what’s got you so happy?” “You said he’s mine.” You nod dumbly at him. “Yes? That’s kind of a fact? Why is that making you happy?” “It’s nice to hear you say it.” You nod still slightly confused. “I mean you are his dad? You’re the one taking care of me and him.” “Or her.” He corrects grinning and you roll your eyes. “Or her; you’re the one who’s got me saying him; I think Fangs is the only one still on the ‘it’s a girl train.’ Cheryl was but Toni somehow convinced her.” ——————————————————————

You glare at Sweet Pea when he walks in. “What’s wrong?” “Cheryl agreed.” “To what? There’s a lot of things I asked her for in the- I’m joking babe, I’m joking! I didn’t ask her for anything. Besides that fancy ass crib she- IT’S A JOKE Y/N.” “The 15th at 9 am. That’s only a week early. I called FP already so he knows; so you have two weeks after that off.” “Oh, oh shit!” You watch his face and laugh when it clicks. “Yeah.” “Holy fuck we’re going to be parents.” “Yes? We’ve known for months?” “Well yeah there’s a date, and time now. It’s serious; like real, really real. Holy fuck.” He mumbles walking over to lean over to kiss you.

——————————————————-

“I expect you to be more stressed.” Sweet pea shrugs and you arch an eyebrow. “One, I can’t feel anything from my waist down; two since this is all scheduled I’m pretty much waiting for them to call me back.” “Surgery’s kind of a big deal.” He reaches for your hand and you squeeze it. “Didn’t you read all sorts of statistics about teen pregnancy and c-sections in the books you got?” “Well yeah; but it’s different seeing it on paper and it being you.” “How is that different?” “Well I love you; I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” “It won’t. If you start listing all the thing that can go wrong; I won’t; let you hold peanut.” “You can’t make me not hold my own kid Y/N that’s the dumbest threat I’ve ever heard.” “But it’s still a threat.” “A real threat would be putting Jones’ name on the birth certificate.” “Isn’t that what she’s doing?” Fangs question and you laugh as he drags a parade of balloons into the room. “Cheryl made me get both.”

“I get the pink and blue cause we kept it a secret but uh, why are there four; it’s not twins.” “From her and then from Toni I guess.” Fangs shrugs. “Is that a toy snake?” “Yeah, gotta make sure she loves snakes duh.” Fangs grins and you shake your head laughing. “You have to tell us the name!” Toni interrupts; Cheryl following her. “No I’ve already told you we’re not revealing that or the gender until they’re born.” “Killjoys.” Cheryl laughs smiling at you. —————————————————–

You wake up to the room being empty save for Sweet Pea curled on the chair; you watch him for a moment debating alerting him you’re awake before you can he turns back towards where you can hear the beginning of crying. “Hey whoa, no, no need to get so upset; come on you have to let mom sleep a bit; she can’t take you home unless she’s slept; I know you miss her it’s okay I do to. Now, we have- don’t look at me like that I need your help. Yeah exactly.” You watch Sweet Pea nodding as he looks down at your son, you can see his hand waving, he must have gotten it free while he was sleeping.

“Okay business time and then we can wake mom up yeah? Good; now, black or green? I was thinking green cause you know Serpents but blacks traditional. What do you think? No I’ll show you it in a second you have to help me choose, it’s a family thing after all. So; black or green.” He grins and you only hear laughter in response, you shift pretending to wake up and Sweet Pea grins. “Shit.” You hear him mumble shoving whatever he was holding into his jacket pocket, you can hear it clank and try your best not to get excited about the idea of him giving you your own key.

“Look it’s mom!” You can’t help but smile, Sweet Pea handing him over and you laugh when he cries. “Aw do you miss dad? It’s okay he’s like not even a foot away. You’re just unable to tell, you’ll get your object permanence soon.” “Hey you read some of the books!” Sweet Pea grins and you laugh nodding. “Of course; I was pregnant; I sort of had to.” Sweet Pea nods. “Hey listen this is kinda silly but can I take you out to dinner soon; like a proper date?”

“Yeah? They said I need like six weeks to heal from this; movement wise at least; but I don’t see why we can’t go to Pop’s or somewhere else later in the week when we’re a bit more coherent.” “So you mean when you’re not so drugged up you can’t feel your toes.” “Basically yes; why? We went on a date the other day.” “Yeah but I want to go on a date as a family, well like us; you know celebrating we’re a family.” You can see how his face changes, how he stutters and you can tell he’s nervous about whatever he’s planning. You laugh. “What?” His face falls as you grin. “I heard you, well the tail end of your very important conversation.” Sweet Pea’s face pales. “You did?”

“Yes, if you’re going to give me a key you know I don’t care about the colour.” Sweet Pea nods and hides his face. “Aw come on it’s not that hard to figure it out Pea.” “I know just I wanted to surprise you.” “It’s okay I’ll probably forget half of this by tomorrow.” He nods grinning.

“Hopefully.” He winks as the nurse explains you can go home, he helps you into the wheelchair and when you shiver he drapes his jacket over you. He’s distracted with loading everything into the car when you slide your hands into the pockets confused to feel an open box. You fish your hand around deeper trying to figure out where the key meant for you is instead finding a ring catching on your finger.

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#sweet pea #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea x reader #sweet pea x you #sweet pea reader insert #jordan connor #jordan connor imagine #jordan connor reader insert #jordan connor x you #riverdale #riverdale imagine #riverdale reader insert #stattic

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kickthecan-revolution · 4 years ago

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So this is gross but I am going to write about it anyway.

My brother called me this morning wanting to discuss our family’s company. He took it over several years ago and if he hadn’t, I don’t know what we would have done. He pretty much saved my parent’s retirement and their ability to stay in their home. He built a new business entirely off of his own idea - the kind of work the company does now nothing that my parents did. He’s built it up into this pretty huge thing, it’s so impressive.

They have a buyer. He’s been wanting to sell - trying to sell - for years. He’s terrified every year they are going to go under and he’s absolutely come close - he works harder than anyone I know (besides me). My sister and I did have some stock in the company - my mom gave me some for hiring them for a job when I worked at Microsoft and they were literally about to go under (kind of shocking I didn’t get fired for that). Then I gave some of my stock to my sister because she didn’t have any and it felt so shitty that she was the only one who didn’t, though my mom didn’t seem to care about that at all. Always the odd one out, the despised one. But when the business made a change, we actually got some cash for our shares and got bought out so both my sister and I benefited.

So now, all that’s left is my brother’s stock and my mom and dad’s. Part of the deal for selling is that my brother’s entire share rolls over which means he’d not get anything, or wouldn’t get anything for a long time. Apparently my mom said that their stock was his so he’s been betting on that. That he would get their share that liquidates and he wanted to talk to me about it because I am power of attorney and these are the kinds of things that should not be a surprise.

When he told me how much money their stock represented? I did a double take. It’s a lot of money. And both my brother and sister’s kids have benefited from my parents paying their kids tuition (my brother for sure, I actually don’t know about my sister). But I have benefited too, my parents have given me money over the years.

I had a flash of reaction “not fair, it should go into their estate” reaction. I breathed through that and weighed the pros and cons out objectively, also saying that out loud - that I was having a reaction but that this company is essentially his now. He’s made it what it is, my parents nor my sister and I have nothing to do with it. Did he walk in to a baseline of a company that he took in another direction? Yes. Do I often feel resentful of how much time it takes for me to manage their affairs and how stressful it is? Yes, I do. But it’s not this amount where I could go and retire - it would help, that’s for sure. But I also see his perspective, he’s killed himself and managed this all on his own.

We agreed that it is mainly my sister and her financial status that is at stake, and that I worry about needing to take care of her. He said to not worry that this money could in part, do that. I believe him, he’d do the right thing.

I told him I was proud of him and that he should feel good about what he’s accomplished. We discussed telling my mom and dad and I said no, that’s not a good idea - they will have a massive borderline reaction and throw the money away and we can’t do that. He’s going to have to deal with my sister who I am sure, will feel some kind of way about it.

Mostly, I want my brother to love me and I am often scared that he doesn’t. His opinion means the world to me. If I didn’t? I’m not sure what my reaction would be, likely not as malleable as I’m being now but it’s also complicated and simple at the same time -- he built this all by himself, fighting my parents’ insanity the entire time. That money is something he’s earned. I might have irrational moments where I *feel* something but I am going to just let those pass.

Also, I am considering starting to pay myself for managing their finances. My mom asked me to do that but I’ve never felt comfortable, knowing she’s so manipulative about money and it just felt like something I should do out of responsibility. And, it is a ton of my time and super stressful. We’d be paying someone to do it. Going to think about that a little bit.

And I need to manage these complex feelings about my sister better than I do. We worry about her so much but she doesn’t do a thing to help herself. She’s mired in depression which makes it so difficult. I don’t know. Money in family is gross and hard and I don’t have any family but them so it makes it hard.

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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 4 years ago

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Can you tell more about Izuku’ solder sister AU?

-Okay so like, his sister I’ve hesitantly called Hana because I forgot originally that Shigaraki’s sister was named that but now I’m owning it. Shigaraki hears his rival has a sister called Hana and is like in pain.

-Izuku’s kid is a little girl cause the idea of a little girl in pink cheering her daddy on is cute. Yes the kid is very feminine. Izuku is glad she didn’t get green hair.

-Izuku ends up bitching out Monoma because the baby won’t let him go when they come back from USJ so baby is in school with him, and Monoma confronts them outside their classroom and says: Oh, so you’re also a fool who gets someone pregnant? How disgraceful, everything handed to you. And Izuku is like done. Not only does baby refuse to let him go but baby also is a bit sick so whiny fussy baby. He’s also very annoyed by Monoma and his elitism.

Izuku: I’m trans and a late bloomer with my Quirk. My boyfriend was only with me to have sex with me and chuck me, making fun of me. My father had a secret other family I only learned about when my older sister tracked us down after his death. My mother left me to because she only wanted me around for money. My sister is a stripper and Quirkless so she’s constantly being short changed. She is working double shifts to afford my uniforms and the daycare my daughter goes to. I only came into my Quirk barely a year ago because of the fact my limbs would blow off if I hadn’t gain muscles. So step the FUCK off and realize that we aren’t elitist morons like yourself.

Izuku walks by and the entire group step out of his way in shock. Meanwhile his class follows, many of them taking the chance to elbow or shoulder Monoma HARD.

-Bakugou here kind of avoids Izuku. In his eyes, Izuku’s boyfriend crossed a big line when he did what he did, and also after Aldera was shut down, his parents made him go to a strict school where his attitude was addressed. So he avoids Izuku. They have a very uncomfy relationship. (The difference here is that Izuku’s boyfriend tricked him and also gaslighted him into no condom)

-Izuku gets third in the sports festival, and while he’s smiling he sees his baby taking her first steps. He jumps off the podium and sprints to her, dropping down with arms open as she toddles into his arms.

-For funzies I had a plan where AFO is Inko’s dad and he killed Hisashi for cheating on his daughter, but now I might not go with that with my change to Inko’s story.

-Baby was born with her Quirk. Debating on what but it is very powerful. A part of me liked the idea of it being touch-based mind control where she can take control of people by touching them, but like I don’t know how to say baby would get that? I also like the idea of baby burping smoke as a newborn and them all just: When will she start breathing fire, it’s going to happen.

-Original plans had OC/Hawks but now I want OC/Aizawa for fun cause the idea of Izuku having to face down Aizawa one day and just think: I saw you come out of my sister’s room is funny.

-Izuku still gets OFA and All Might becomes the dad of the two siblings. Hana is relieved. All Might also pays tuition because Izuku is his successor while Hana pays everything else. Hana is stubborn but not stupid. She can’t afford Izuku’s tuition and everything else.

-Hana may end up killing Overhaul? I like the idea of Overhaul learning of a Quirkless stripper, becoming obsessed and Hana quickly figuring out this guy is bad news so she relays info. Then Overhaul kidnaps her and she breaks his neck with her thighs before stealing Eri and walking out.

#bnha #bnha au #izuku's sister

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seijuurouxryuu · 3 years ago

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wash the sweetness off my title and give me a crown

Title: wash the sweetness off my title and give me a crown Author: Shiro (TeitoxAkashi [AO3]/ seijuurouxryuu [tumblr]) Rating: T Pairing: Tsuna/Fon Event: @khrrarepairweek Prompts: Sugar Baby/Sugar Daddy AU | Idiots to Lovers Tags/Warnings: No Archive Warning

Day 7: Mist Day

Lying in his embrace was what he loved--along with the tender touches, the gentle stroke, the fond smile. Seeing him so relaxed as opposed to how he usually was in the office was so rewarding, that even the money he gave was no longer the main reason why Tsuna stayed. Tsuna stayed because he had fallen for him--his sugar dad.

AO3

Fon chuckled at the adoring gaze Tsuna gave him, thumb caressing his cheeks softly as he held him tight. "What's wrong? Are you not tired?"

Tsuna nuzzled against the warm palm, humming. "I am, but I want to look at you a bit longer."

Fon's eyes turned to slit from smiling. "Why so sweet?" He asked without really wanting an answer. He leaned in and kissed Tsuna on the lips. "You did good today, what reward do you want?"

Tsuna's mood fell a little at that, having to be reminded of their actual relationship. He was reminded of how he was just temporary--never forever. He could not be with him forever even if Tsuna desperately wanted to; that was what they had mentioned in the contract. That someday, they will separate and to never recognise each other ever again. Remembering that burned his heart, like a burning iron poking relentlessly in attempts to pierce through the glass that was his shield.

It hurt.

Tsuna shook his head. "No, I'm just doing what I am supposed to do so there's no need for reward." I do not need a reward; I just want you to look at me forever.

Fon raised an eyebrow. "This is the first time I see anyone rejecting a reward." He stated bluntly. "But no matter, I will reward you still. Because I want to." He added softly to cut off Tsuna's protest. It was true that he wanted to reward Tsuna. The young man had helped him a lot, especially during the party.

Tsuna was a money launderer who was forced into this business by the environment he lived in. He had a talent for it--all the money he laundered always ended up cleaner than disinfected surfaces.

Fon found him one fine night where Tsuna fainted beside his car from hunger. He took him in and provided him shelter in a heartbeat, and employed him to be his sole, exclusive money launderer in another. Since then, Tsuna lived very well with stomach full and body warm; he no longer needs to overwork himself with double part-time + money laundering + university and can easily pay off his tuition fees.

He lived so well, that it felt like a dream to him.

A year after, their relationship escalated when Fon brought him to a gathering with other underworld leaders. Tsuna did not remember what happen, but he had helped the other fend off a lot of hungry ladies and young men by fiercely making out with the other. The consequence was another contract signed: Being Fon's sugar baby.

It was wild, now that Tsuna thought of it, embarrassing even, but he did not regret any of his decision in the end.

Because ever since Fon saved him, he had always loved him.

Although, Fon was in the dark, of course.

Fon had brought Tsuna to a party the night before, one that was full with business men of good and bad. One particularly vulgar business man was trying to hit on Fon and had insulted Tsuna throughout. Fon almost jabbed him in the throat and pull out his tongue if not for Tsuna, in a calm manner, talked down the other. It was amazing to see how the skittish young man held his head high as he exposed the ugly man's dirty laundries.

Fon was enamored.

Tsuna pouted, pulling at the duvet to cover the lower half of his face. "... Then I want the Salisbury steak you make."

Fon chuckled as he ruffled the messy brown hair. "Of course." He stood up from the bed as he kissed his forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

Tsuna flushed and buried himself deeper into the duvet. At the click of bedroom door shut, Tsuna knew he was alone in their bedroom. He sighed and slumped.

“I want… You to love me. Forever.” He whispered to thin air.

“The Bank of E, you say?” Reborn raised an eyebrow at Tsuna who had his eyes glued to the computer monitors as he typed furiously on the keyboard. “Yep.” The young man was chipping away through the said bank’s security system, planting unrecognizable codes in each of the originals. He was looking for something; one tiny important detail that he had overlooked for so long.

His presumably dead father’s account.

“What makes you think Iemitsu had the mind to keep his British account when he’s off the grid?”

Iemitsu had went into hiding for almost three years after leaving mafia, feigning his death for the freedom he wished for. His Don knew, but kept quiet for old friend’s sake. Tsuna knew, but it was none of his business to keep quiet.

Tsuna didn’t hate Iemitsu; he had a grudge with him. For what, only he knew the specifics.

“He had it under another name. Never used it for so many years it got frozen. Just enough for me to launder it over and back.”

Reborn raised an eyebrow. “Do you not think someone would realize?”

Tsuna finally looked up and gave him a deadpanned look. Reborn shrugged, hands raised. “Whatever fits your bill, I guess. Your laundry, your wash.”

Tsuna looked back at the screen.

He found the account. Looking at the last date of retrieval, it was his turn to raise an eyebrow. “Well, looks like that dead beat father of mine is making a comeback of some sort.”

He keyed in the amount of money and bitcoins, and entered.

“Not that it matters to me.”

“Exactly 19, 098, 232, 000£ has been transferred to the bank. In two days’ time, I will retrieve it and put it under investment for the upcoming projects.” Tsuna reported beside Fon’s table, putting the relevant documents on his desk as he skimmed through his own copy.

“10million USD has been transferred over to our sister branches about three days ago; they have been transferred back in batches of 5 since then. And the last 5billion has been written off as the company asset just this morning by the Ministries.”

Fon nodded, putting down the documents and smiled up at Tsuna. “Good job. This season’s work is done.”

Tsuna sighed in relief, rolling his stiff shoulders. “Thank you, sir.” Just as he was about to leave for the other to continue his work, he was pulled down by the wrist.

He sat down on Fon’s leg. “W-wha—”

Fon gave him a deep kiss.

“Reward.” He whispered into his mouth.

Because he no longer needed to do any laundering for the month, Tsuna went back to university and was immediately besieged by piles and piles of assignments. All were easy enough for him to do, but he liked none of them. In fact, they were very annoying theories and calculations, all which Reborn had taught him before. Child’s play, Reborn would say. Tsuna would say its just plain unreasonable because none of them would actually appear in real life.

Like some Math questions; who the fuck would buy 151 bananas just to give them away to 20 people and count how many unique combinations can be made by each unique banana.

Tsuna huffed, slumping onto the bench table as he poked at his laptop. He missed being by Fon’s side. He was happy that he finally had holiday from work after 3 months of cracking codes and stuffing money into different laundromats, but at least he was by Fon’s side almost every day. With him in university and Fon working, he could only see him every few days. It was just plain sad for him.

Perhaps he should ditch the afternoon class and give Fon a surprise…

His sixth sense suddenly noticed danger and started ringing, but he couldn’t even sit straight before he was knocked out into darkness.

Fon crushed the tea cup he was holding, murderous aura seeping through his being as he glared up the trembling subordinate of his. “Repeat.”

“S-sawada disappeared.”

“How did that happen? Did I not tell each and every one of you to watch over him carefully?”

The subordinate sweated profusely. “W-we… Got knocked out ourselves.”

Fon almost wanted to snap his head off. Reborn, who sat opposite of him smoking and drinking rice wine snorted. “Wow, I think it’s time for you to either retrain your subordinates or get new ones. I reckon you do the latter since I want to kill them off myself.” He picked up his phone and started tapping through his contacts. He looked as usual, but he, like Fon, was angered. Tsuna was Fon’s sugar baby, but Tsuna was his student first. The second and last he took in, one of his pride.

Whoever it was, they better pray that they hide well because once Reborn and Fon find them, they would pay a thousand times more.

Fon took the napkin from his secretary, I-Pin, and wiped his hands. He wasn’t even smiling anymore as he looked at Reborn. “Find him.” He said to I-Pin. “For every hour he is not found, snap on of these useless trash’s fingers off.”

The subordinate crumbled and knelt, started pleading desperately as I-Pin waved her hands and two other guys came in to drag the poor dude out.

“Yes, brother.”

“Wait.” Reborn interjected before I-Pin took off. They both turned and stare at him as Reborn sneered, almost crushing his phone. “It’s Iemitsu.”

Fon paused. “I thought he’s off the grid now.”

“Apparently not.” Reborn tossed him his phone where a picture was on screen.

A selfie of Iemitsu smiling at a sleeping Tsuna.

Fon sighed. “I-Pin, prepare some proper gifts.” I-Pin stifled a laugh. “Yes.”

Reborn smirked at him. “Time to meet the in-laws?”

Fon rolled his eyes. “Yes, time to meet the in-laws.” He smiled to himself as he touched his pocket where the ring box was.

Tsuna loved Fon, and Fon knew that all along. Tsuna never realized one thing: Fon loved him all the same and he wanted him to be more than just his sugar baby; he wanted him to be his forever, in Law, in Crime.

--------------------------------

A/N: I ended like that because I've no idea where I want it to go anymore aND I JUST WANT IT TO ENDAs tagged; Tsuna is a money launderer who did it for money to survive university, Fon is a boss of big corporate who needed a money launderer for both the corporate and his triad, and Reborn is Tsuna's tutor who taught him how to launder.

Iemitsu is basically on the run for pissing off a shit ton of Famiglia in Italy and Europe, and because he resigned from Vongola so he no longer has any protection. When Tsuna used his bank account for money laundering, he finally found out what he was doing and decided to 'kidnap' his son to talk and get solace in Fon's triad. That's his baby tuna, dammit. The least his son-in-law could do is to protect his ass!

What grudge Tsuna has against Iemitsu, I'll leave that up to yall.

[I apologize for any grammar, spellings, etc. etc. mistakes]

#KHR #Katekyo Hitman Reborn #khrrarepairweek2021 #Fon #Sawada Tsunayoshi #Reborn #My Writings

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kerikaaria · 4 years ago

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Breaking Down Walls

(Seokjin x Reader) Oneshot, College!AU, Bi!Reader

Genre: (PG15) f2l, generous helping of angst, with a healthy dose of fluff

Warnings: Homophobia (side characters), toxic jealousy, false claims of sexual harassment (non-detailed), mentions of an unhealthy/toxic friendship, semi-mature jokes/references, swearing

WC: 17.8k

Description: Being suddenly outcasted and judged by everyone really forces one to build up walls. Having gotten used to not having friends and dealing with the snide comments, you plan on just keeping your head down until you graduate next year. That is, until someone decides they’re going to tear your walls down.

A/N – Thank you to the lovely @moccahobi and @ditttiii for beta-reading for me! I love you guys!

The first few days back at school were always peculiar. Some people were overly excited to start a new year or semester, working hard on their ‘first day back’ outfits and super pumped to do all their work on time (give it a week or two and they’d remember that they loved to procrastinate). There were those who dreaded it, mourning the loss of their vacation and reluctant to pick up their books once again. Others didn’t particularly care either way–just went through the motions, wanting to get through their education in order to reap the supposed rewards at the end of the tunnel.

And then there was me, who didn’t hate the fact that I was coming back to school, but rather hated the fact that I had to deal with my peers in order to do it.

I walked through the hallways, ones familiar to me after spending two full years here, keeping my head down and focusing on nothing but making my way to the next class of the day. So far things had gone as per usual in each of my classes, so when I double-checked my schedule to make sure that I had the right room for the abnormal psychology course before walking through the doorway, I expected the same here as well.

I scanned the room, looking for an ideal seat. Despite many still being open, all of the seats left required sitting next to one of my classmates. Holding back a sigh, I decided to go with the easiest path and picked an empty seat at the end of a row. Barely two seconds after I had sat down the person sitting next to me, along with his friend who was oblivious to the hearts in his eyes, packed up their belongings and looked for different seats to occupy in the class.

Yup, just as expected.

Unfazed, I started emptying my bookbag of the items I needed for the class. After gathering my notebook, pen, and textbook–even though I probably wasn’t going to need it today anyway but hey, I liked to be prepared–I was about to place my bag on the seat next to me, knowing no one was going to want to sit there.

But before I could even turn to look at the chair, it was occupied. By a person. A living, breathing person.

I glanced around the room, figuring that in the short time it took me to get ready for class, the room must have filled up. But no, there were just as many open seats still left in the room. Looking past the person to the next seat over, I could see that even that one was still empty.

This wasn’t a class freshman could take so unless this person lived under a rock, I couldn’t figure out why they would voluntarily sit next to me. As curious as I was to see who was willing to jeopardize their entire social life over this seat, I avoided making eye contact and placed my bag on the floor.

The mystery student made no effort to get my attention or address me, so I relaxed as we waited for the professor to arrive and class to start.

Other than that, the class went by just as boring and ordinary as possible. The professor took ten hours to go over the syllabus that was almost the same for every class, talked about the attendance policy that was the same for every class, and told us our expectations that was - again - pretty much the same for every class. Basically, I didn’t know why the teachers bothered going over every little detail when they had to know we’d already heard it fifty times. Just tell me my final grade depended on this one big project and if I didn’t do it I was screwed, and that was all I needed to know.

The professor finished going over the monotonous formalities and dismissed our class just on time. I slowly gathered my things, preferring to wait until the majority of the others had already fought their way out of the door first before leaving. It was easier to avoid comments I didn’t want to hear that way.

As I finished getting my stuff together and went to stand up I looked to my left, seeing the rebellious classmate just sitting there, looking like he was waiting for something. A beat later, he turned to me and smiled. He smiled?

“Hello,” he greeted, holding out a hand, presumably for me to shake. “I’m Namjoon.”

I cautiously took his hand in mine. “(Y/n),” I responded while I finally got a good look at him. He had bleached blonde hair slicked to the side to expose his forehead. His features looked somehow simultaneously intimidating and friendly.

“It’s nice to meet you, (Y/n).”

If I didn’t dislike being around my peers so much, I wouldn’t really hate eating in the school cafeteria. Unfortunately, the food was paid for as part of the tuition and if I spent my days eating takeout and fast food, I’d be twice as broke as I already was. So I didn’t have much choice other than to eat most of my meals in a room filled with aforementioned peers. Sometimes it felt like I was a sitting duck in here.

I picked my poison for today’s lunch and scanned the room for an empty table. Luckily, there was one over in a corner where, hopefully, I wouldn’t be bothered. I placed my tray on the table before sitting down and taking my phone out to send a text message to the person I was supposed to meet, letting him know where I was and asking if he was on his way.

While I was preoccupied with my phone, I felt the presence of someone standing next to the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see it was definitely not who I was waiting for. I mentally rolled my eyes, waiting to find out if this one was going to be typical or original.

“Is this seat taken?” a sickly-sweet voice asked.

“Yes, it is,” I replied apathetically.

She sat down anyway. I spared a quick glance over my phone at her before resuming to stare at my screen as though glaring at the text was going to force him to reply.

“I hear I’m your type,” the girl announced after a moment of silence. It appeared she was taking the typical approach.

I ignored her presence entirely, pretending that I had something interesting to look at on my phone.

“What? Am I not pretty enough for you to pay attention to?” she asked, pretending to be offended.

I actually rolled my eyes. It has nothing to do with looks, I thought. But instead I said, “Why? Would you be willing to roll around in the hay with me if you were?”

Her eyes widened, clearly not expecting me to put her on the spot like that. While she spluttered away, someone else approached the table.

“Excuse me, that’s my seat,” the newcomer said.

She looked up to see who was interrupting her embarrassment. After registering who it was she smirked and let her eyes wander over his figure, checking him out rather blatantly.

I had to stop myself from gagging at the scene.

“Oh honey, there’s no point in trying with her,” she said, attempting a sultry, flirty voice. “You’re not her type.” She stood up and brushed her fingertips along his arm. “You could come sit with me though, I’d love to get to know you.”

He smiled while she batted her eyelashes up at him. “I don’t need her to be interested in me,” he said sweetly before swatting her hand away as his expression turned serious. “She’s my sister; I’d appreciate it if you left her alone. And don’t even try, sweetheart. You’re never getting into these pants.”

Her face instantly paled and she hurried away without another word lest she embarrass herself any more.

My brother sat down with a huff while I tried my best to suppress my laugh. “Sorry I’m late, noona,” he said. “My literature professor apparently doesn’t know how to time manage his classes.”

“It’s alright,” I said. He looked at me concerned, silently asking if I was okay. “I’m fine, Chim. Don’t worry about it, you know I’m used to it by now.” I assured him, finally digging into my meal.

“The only reason people have gotten away with it up until now is because your brother wasn’t here to put them in their place.” He pointed his chopsticks at me. “I’m going to make sure no one treats you like that anymore.”

“Jimin,” I sighed, “you really don’t need to do anything. I appreciate you and your help when you’re with me, but don’t try to be my bodyguard. Try to enjoy your time at school, hmm? Go make some friends!”

“Who said I haven’t made any friends?” he responded defensively. “There’s this interesting kid I got paired up with as my lab partner in biology and we get along pretty well.” His eyes widened and he gasped, excitedly tapping on my hand. “Oh my gosh. Noona, I gotta introduce him to you. He is fine. I don’t swing that way, but holy crap does he make me question if I would for him.”

“Mm, sounds like a great start to a friendship,” I laughed. “So, you’re enjoying school so far?”

Jimin shrugged. “I mean, as much as I can enjoy school I guess. You know me, I don’t even know what I want to do yet.”

While Jimin continued to dig into his food, I more or less just pushed mine around. I did know that, just as well as I knew that our parents wouldn’t have been mad if he wanted to wait to go to school so he could try to figure it out first. And he certainly didn’t need to come to this school of all places.

While I didn’t get bad grades, I wasn’t exactly a star student. I had to work really hard to keep my grades up and even then I was barely above average. But Jimin, he was brilliant. Always class president, always effortlessly intelligent, always amazing in anything he did. Before last year, he was talking about going to schools more prestigious than this one. He didn’t need to be here, and I worried that the only reason he was, was because he felt obligated to me.

“Hey, noona,” Jimin called, waving his hand in front of my face and bringing my mind back to reality. “Instead of looking at your rice like it offended you, why don’t you tell me how your classes are going so far?”

I chuckled at his observation. “Well, they’re going about the same as I expected,” I said, shrugging. “No one bothers me and all the teachers gave us the same exact lecture about the syllabus.” I paused while I finally brought a spoonful of rice to my mouth. “Oh, there was one weird thing though.”

“Weird?” Jimin asked, worried. “What do you mean weird? Did something happen?”

“Oh, no, nothing bad,” I clarified, making him relax. “It’s just, in one of my psych classes yesterday, someone actually voluntarily sat next to me. And not just that, he introduced himself to me after class too. Like he’s trying to be friendly with me?”

“That’s wonderful!” Jimin cheered, smiling so wide his eyes disappeared. “Maybe he’s being friendly because he wants to be your friend.”

“I don’t know, Chim,” I replied, thoughtfully chewing my chicken. “I mean he seemed really nice, but no one has approached me with good intentions ever since… before her.”

“Well, maybe he has some sense and doesn’t give a crap about rumors,” Jimin said around a mouthful of food. “Why don’t you give him a chance, hm? I’ll be your backup in case anything goes wrong.”

I slowly nodded. “I’ll think about it.” We were silent for a few moments until I said, “So, tell me more about this hot friend of yours.”

When I entered the classroom for abnormal psychology the next day, I was a little surprised to see Namjoon sitting in the same seat from two days prior. Despite the fact that he had chosen to sit next to me, and that he was also the one to initiate a conversation (even if it was only introductions), I felt nervous. What if I sat down next to him and he decided he didn’t want anything to do with me?

But then again, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have sat in the same seat… Right? Steeling my nerves, I slowly walked toward the chair. I did my best to try not paying him any attention as I sat down and gathered my items for the class. After setting my bag on the floor, I chanced a glance at him and was relieved to see he was still there.

He turned to me and smiled, but before he could initiate any conversation (not that I thought he would want to) the professor entered the room and started his first actual lecture of the year.

“I’d recommend that you all start chatting and getting to know each other because there will be a few partner assignments in this class, and I will let you pick your own partners,” the professor said as the class was coming to an end. “The first one will be assigned next week.” Then he dismissed the class.

“Do you want to work on the assignments together?” Namjoon asked as soon as the professor was done talking.

Shocked, I turned to him with widened eyes. Did he seriously just ask me that? I was too baffled to say or do anything while he began to pack up his belongings.

“Do you have a class after this one?” he asked instead when I didn’t answer.

I blinked, refocusing on the present. “N-no,” I managed to reply.

“Well, if you’re hungry let’s get some lunch together,” he suggested, picking up my bag to start putting away my things for me.

Realizing that I had been standing there like an idiot, and that there were multiple eyes on us, I hastily grabbed the remainder of my things to put away, Namjoon holding the bag open for me. When I was done, I zipped it up and took it from him, slipping it onto my shoulders.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, following up his offer from a moment ago that I realized I hadn’t replied to.

I tentatively nodded and he smiled, leading me out of the classroom with him. I heard students whispering around us but Namjoon seemed to completely ignore them.

As we walked to the cafeteria, I couldn’t help but wonder why he was being nice to me. Jimin told me to give him a chance, but that was far easier said than done. Ever since that post on the school forum last year, I had been more or less alone. To protect myself I had to quickly learn how to build up walls that I never had before. Anyone who talked to me now did it with an ill intent, wanting to tear me down and make me out to be a bad person.

So why was this boy that I had never met before being so nice to me? I couldn’t believe there was no way he didn’t know about what had happened because I had yet to encounter another student who hadn’t heard about how I was such a terrible person. As much as I wanted to listen to Jimin and deep down hoped for the best, I had to keep my walls up. I couldn’t let my guard down because he was probably going to end up being just the same as everyone else.

We made it to the cafeteria, silently collected the food we wanted, and then he led me to a table he seemed comfortable sitting at. I remained quiet while I started to eat my meal, feeling Namjoon’s eyes on me as he did the same.

“So, you never answered my question,” he said after a few minutes had passed.

I looked up from my tray of food and met his eyes. With furrowed brows, I tried to remember what question he was talking about.

Seeing the confusion on my face, Namjoon chuckled. “About if you wanted to be my partner for the assignments?”

“Oh,” I said quietly. I thought about it for a moment, but really there wasn’t much to think about. Regardless of his possible intentions, chances were no one else would ask me.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” I answered, my voice staying quiet out of shyness. The only people I’ve had real conversations with in over half a year were my brother and parents, so my social skills were rather out of practice.

“Awesome.” He smiled widely, dimples I hadn’t noticed before on full display. “We should exchange phone numbers then,” he added as he pulled out his phone and presented it to me.

I entered my number into his phone with shaking hands before handing it back to him. He pressed the call button and I felt my own vibrate in my pocket before he ended the call.

“There, now we can keep in touch,” he said, still smiling. His attention, however, was diverted when he caught something out of the corner of his eye.

“Oh, hyung! Over here!” He waved to get the person’s attention. “I hope you don’t mind, my hyung and I agreed to meet for lunch during this time. I thought you two might get along.” I was curious how he came to any conclusion like that when we had just recently met, not having had any substantial conversations to actually get to know each other yet.

I turned to look at who it was Namjoon was calling to and saw a tall and rather handsome man approaching. His hair was a little longer, bangs parted on either side of his face and he had soft-looking thick lips. He was smiling at Namjoon as he walked up to the table, about to greet him back until he noticed me.

Once Namjoon’s friend’s eyes fell on me, his smile faltered and he looked surprised. His gaze hesitantly flitted back and forth between me and Namjoon and he looked unsure of what to do. Realizing that he must have recognized me and probably felt uncomfortable with the idea of sitting with me, I turned back to Namjoon and spoke up.

“Thanks, Namjoon.” I tried to smile but could feel how forced it was. I quickly started to collect my things. “I’ll see you in class.” I picked up my tray, quickly getting up to look for an empty table to sit at before he had time to respond.

Namjoon quietly called for me once and then I heard some rushed whispering as I walked away but I ignored it, not wanting to think too hard about it. This was why I reminded myself to be careful and not become too hopeful. I just needed to stick to my plan of keeping to myself until I graduated next year. It was only for two years. I could do it.

I found an empty table, thankfully a fair distance from where Namjoon was with his friend and sat down to finish my meal alone, in silence. Just like I was used to.

However, the silence only lasted a couple of minutes until someone suddenly sat in front of me. Shocked, my head snapped up to see Namjoon across the table from me, and his friend standing behind him, looking at the ground.

“Sorry about that, (Y/n),” Namjoon apologized, a soft smile on his face. “I could tell that Seokjin hyung made you feel awkward. We didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcome.”

Namjoon’s friend, Seokjin brought his gaze up to meet mine. “I’m sorry if I made you think that,” he said. “I was just surprised to see you there. I wouldn’t mind sitting with you at all , if you are okay with that.”

It took me a moment to process the words. I couldn’t help but feel a little suspicious of how much it seemed Namjoon was determined to be around me, but I decided it was best not to voice my concerns right now. I slowly nodded, Seokjin seeming to relax at the motion and he took a seat next to Namjoon.

“I’m Seokjin,” he said. “I know Joon said my name but I figured it’d be polite to still properly introduce myself.”

“It appears as though you know who I am,” I responded, “but I’ll introduce myself as well. I’m (Y/n). Nice to meet you.” I offered my hand for him to take if he wanted, and he didn’t hesitate to do so. His hand held onto mine gently as he smiled warmly.

“Likewise,” Seokjin said, giving my hand a soft squeeze before letting go.

It was obvious to me that the two were close and seemed to have known each other for a long time. As we sat together, it was mostly Namjoon and Seokjin chatting and every now and then, one of them would address me to bring me into the conversation but I would keep my responses to a minimum. I didn’t want to be rude, but I still remained hesitant to be too open with them.

It didn’t take me long to notice others would look at our table every now and then, and many times my eyes had wandered around to gauge how much attention we were drawing. No doubt they were trying to figure out who was stupid enough to sit with me, and wondering why.

“Hey, (Y/n),” Seokjin said, pulling my attention away from a few tables over where girls were pointing and whispering. “Don’t pay them any attention.”

I suddenly felt self-conscious. Did they notice the attention too? I looked down at my food when I asked, “Does it not bother you that people are watching and whispering?”

“They are stupid,” Namjoon said, scoffing. “It’s none of their business what you or anyone else is doing and they need to learn to keep their noses out of it.” He paused, and I looked up to see him staring right back at me. “And no, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t care for rumors or gossip, so they can say whatever they want about me. It holds no value.”

Seokjin didn’t say much, but he did nod in agreement and gave me a smile. “No one has any right to judge anyway. I like to form my opinions of others based on my own experiences with them, not from what others say.”

Their words made me feel just a little more hopeful that for once, someone didn’t have a hidden motive. That maybe, just maybe, Namjoon and perhaps even his friend Seokjin didn’t want to harm me. I wouldn’t hold onto that quite yet, but I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this light.

Over the past two weeks, Jimin had been telling me a lot about this new friend of his, Taehyung. Basically every time we met up he would start gushing about him. Apparently Taehyung had the best sense of humor and was always making Jimin laugh (to which I reminded him was not difficult to do), was deceivably smart, and a really good listener. Each point that Jimin gave him was another reason for him to tell me how much he thought we would get along.

Which was why I wasn’t opposed to meeting him, especially considering that he was a freshman just like Jimin and may not have heard about what happened last year. From what Jimin told me he did genuinely seem like a nice guy. However, meeting two others as well? That was scary. But Jimin was so sure that it’d be fine and if there was anyone in this world that I trusted, it was my baby brother.

So I made my way to Daydream Café, feeling entirely nervous on the way. It was a place that students here frequented, but it also wasn’t quite yet lunchtime so hopefully most students weren’t out just yet.

A bell rang as I walked through the red-painted door, and immediately I was surrounded by delicious smells from the home-baked treats the little shop sold. I used to come here a lot with my friend up until winter last year, and I hadn’t realized how much I missed the atmosphere. It was genuinely a great place.

“Noona!” I heard Jimin’s voice call out a moment later, and I smiled when I saw where he sat, waving his arm high in the air to get my attention. Sitting next to him was who I assumed to be Taehyung, seeing how comfortable the two of them looked with each other. The other two with them where on the opposite side of the table where I couldn’t quite see them yet.

I approached the table, slightly waving at my brother’s friend when he smiled at me. Jimin got up to come meet me partway, practically dragging me the rest of the way to the table.

“I ordered your favorite for you,” Jimin said, pointing the cup sitting at the seat next to where he was sitting. “And this is Taehyung!” Jimin gestured toward his friend once he stopped pulling on my arm. I had to admit that my brother’s claims about how attractive the boy was were very accurate. I actually had to pause while I took in his seemingly perfect features, highlighted by a big rectangular smile. His bright blue hair reminded me of cotton candy, and it fit him surprisingly well.

Taehyung waved in greeting while Jimin pulled out my chair for me and sat in his own seat. After sitting down myself, I saw the two sitting across from us and my eyes widened in shock, recognizing them instantly.

“These are Tae’s hyungs, Namjoon and Seokjin,” Jimin said. “Well, Seokjin is his actual older brother, Namjoon is their cousin.” The three of them being related certainly made sense with how they each seemed to get the absolute best from the gene pool.

Namjoon and Seokjin also seemed pretty surprised to see me, but their faces both quickly dissolved into smiles. “Actually, we’ve already met,” Namjoon said from his seat next to the wall. “What a coincidence. Nice to see you, (Y/n).”

I smiled in return, having grown a bit more comfortable with them since we first met two weeks ago.

“Oh, really?” Taehyung asked. “How do you know each other?”

“I met Namjoon in my abnormal psych class,” I explained. “We’re doing an assignment together. And I met Seokjin when the three of us ate lunch together during the first week of classes.” I had seen Seokjin a few times after that too, since the two of them shared a dorm and that’s where I would usually meet Namjoon to work on the assignment.

While I was still hesitant to trust anyone other than my brother, I felt more relaxed with the both of them every time I saw them. I couldn’t help but still be scared that it was wishful thinking, but they really did seem like they wanted to be friends.

Jimin beamed. “I told you they were nice! Namjoon hyung must be the one who sat next to you, then.” He looked at Joon, who nodded in confirmation. “See, didn’t I tell you to give him a chance?”

“It’s awesome that your noona is already friends with my hyungs, Jiminie,” Taehyung said. “This make things so much easier. We should all meet up every day!”

“Every day?” Seokjin asked, raising his eyebrows at his brother. “No way. We all have classes, and to be honest I’m not thrilled with the idea of having to see you every day.”

Taehyung frowned. “But Jinnie hyung, didn’t you miss me? We hardly saw each other the last three years, but now I can see you every day!”

“Seems like you’re the one who missed me,” Seokjin retorted before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Don’t let him fool you, Tae,” Namjoon chimed him. “He definitely missed you.”

Seokjin smacked Namjoon’s arm. “I did not!”

While the cousins were laughing and teasing each other, one of the workers at the café approached our table, untying his apron. “Hey guys!” he said as he plopped down on the seat next to Seokjin, across from me.

“Oh hey, Hoseok,” Seokjin said. “You on break?”

“Yeah, I got fifteen minutes before I need to go back.” He turned to look at me and Jimin, a bright smile on his face. “Do I get to be introduced to your new friends here?” he asked.

“This is my friend, Jimin!” Taehyung said, grabbing onto my brother’s arm. “And that’s his sister, (Y/n). She shares a class with Namjoon hyung too.”

“Nice to meet you both,” Hoseok said as he held out his hand for us to shake. Jimin didn’t hesitate to take it, while I was a little slower to follow. “My name is Hoseok. These two-” he gestured to Namjoon and Seokjin “-are practically glued to my side, so if you plan on sticking around them you’ll probably be seeing a lot of me.”

“Yeah because it’s definitely not the other way around,” Namjoon chuckled.

Jimin easily slid into comfortable conversation with everyone, while I mostly sat back and observed. It was a bit overwhelming, somehow feeling welcome and accepted – or at least not unwelcome – with so many people at once after so long. Taehyung was understandable, probably not knowing about the events from last year yet. But I was still trying to figure out Namjoon and Seokjin, and I knew for a fact Hoseok has been attending the school for a few years, having seen him around.

Feeling like I was almost finding somewhere I might belong, it seemed too good to be true.

Today was really beautiful despite fall starting to settle into the air, the heat barely there and breeze calm enough to keep it from feeling too chilled. Being unable to resist the pull of fresh air while the weather lasted, I found myself sitting against a tree in the school’s park, textbook in my lap.

I had become accustomed to spending most of my time in my dorm when I didn’t have class or need to eat, but it got stuffy always being indoors all the time. Days like today were worth spending outside, and usually I could be absorbed enough in my work that I didn’t pay attention to any looks and no one really bothered me.

It seemed that today was one of my lucky days. I successfully spent two hours here so far and had yet to have any intrusions into the bubble I created for myself.

But while I was in the middle of doing my calculus work, I felt someone sit next to me. Realizing my relaxing afternoon of being left alone was apparently over, I began packing up my stuff without acknowledging whoever wanted to interrupt my peace.

“You’re just going to leave when I stopped by to keep you company?” The very familiar voice said.

I halted my actions, turning to see a smiling Seokjin sitting next to me. I relaxed, placing my things back down. “Sorry, Seokjin. I didn’t think it was you.”

His smile faltered. “You figured I was someone else here to bully you.” It wasn’t a question but rather an observation.

“Yeah,” I responded. “That’s pretty much what I have gotten used to. I’m honestly still not used to the idea of there being people who want to talk to me and not do that.”

“I would never,” Seokjin replied. “But I understand what you mean.”

Having already closed my textbook, I decided I could finish later and put it away in my bag. “So, what brings you over here today, Seokjin?”

“You know, you can just call me Jin if you want.” He cleared his throat and looked at the ground when he mumbled, “Or oppa would work, too.”

“Are you?” I asked. “My oppa I mean.”

“Well, you’re a junior like Namjoon right?” Jin replied. “I’m a senior so yeah, I’m pretty sure I am.”

“Oh, okay.” I said. In the three weeks we had known each other, this was actually mostly new information. “Then I’ll try asking again. What brings you out to the park today, Jin oppa?”

A small smile flashed on his face for a split second before he answered. “I was just out enjoying the weather. I figured when I saw you sitting here, I might as well join you. But you can keep doing your work if you want.”

“Eh, I’ve been at it for about-” I checked my phone to see what time it was “-two and a half hours now. So I’m pretty due for a break I think.”

“Oh, good. Glad I could be of help then,” he smiled.

I nodded before resting my head back against the tree behind me. Namjoon and Seokjin had continued to be friendly with me, even outside of class and the assignment Namjoon and I were working on together. After three weeks it became really hard to still be suspicious that they had some kind of hidden agenda and I found myself growing more and more comfortable with them. But I was still determined to keep my walls up, just in case.

We sat in silence together for a few moments, just enjoying the nice weather of the sunny afternoon. Soon, Jin’s phone vibrated and he took it out from his jean pocket. After reading whatever was on the screen, he started looking around.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

“Not wrong,” he said. “But Tae sent me a picture of the two of us sitting here. So I’m trying to figure out where he is.”

Then, my phone started vibrating. I looked to see my brother was calling me. Sliding the green button on the screen, I answered. “Hey, Jimin. What’s up?”

I could hear laughing on the other end. “Seokjin hyung looks almost paranoid, looking all around like that.”

I rolled my eyes, turning to Jin. “It seems both our brothers are teaming up on us.” Going back to the phone call, I said, “Where are you two? It’s rude to spy on your older siblings.”

I could hear the notification sound of the call ending. But then, “Oh, you mean it’s rude to spy on your little date?” Jimin’s voice said from nearby.

Jin and I turned to our right to see both of our brothers standing there. Jin spluttered, seeming flustered at the fact that Jimin called whatever this was right now – which was most definitely not a date – a date.

“We’re not having a date,” I said plainly. “We’re just sitting here.”

“Uh huh, sure,” Taehyung said. “Looks like a date to me.”

“Yah!” Jin got up to encase Tae in a headlock. “Then what would you call you and Jimin hanging out all the time huh? If I’m on a date, then so are you.”

Taehyung laughed. “No offense to Jimin because he’s totally attractive, but you know I don’t swing that way, hyung!”

While they were arguing, I gathered all my things and stood up as well. “What were you guys up to, though?” I asked Jimin.

“We were just headed over to Daydream Café,” he answered. “Hobi hyung told Tae he saved a slice of his mom’s strawberry cheesecake for him.”

Oh yeah, that was something we had learned after meeting Hoseok last week, too. His parents actually owned Daydream Café, and his mom was responsible for many of the delicious home-baked treats there.

“Do you guys want to come with us?” Taehyung asked, finally out of his brother’s hold.

“Yeah sure, why not,” Seokjin said. “But I’m not third-wheeling you two. So I’ll go if (Y/n) wants to.”

I looked at Jin, shrugging. “Alright. It’s not like I have anything better to do, right?”

We all started on our way to the café, but before we could get very far I heard my name being called. I tensed up, easily recognizing the voice.

“(Y/n)!” she called again. I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath before turning around to face her. “I thought that was you. Long time no see,” she said, a smile that I once thought was genuine on her face.

“Hi, Yunhee,” I greeted back, trying to not seem too tense.

Recognizing her as well, Jimin gripped my hand tight and I could almost feel anger radiating off of him despite him now being behind me. “What do you want?” Jimin asked, absolutely no hint of the usual light, playful tone in his voice.

Yunhee took his reaction in stride, ignoring him and instead addressing me again. “I see you’ve managed to make some new friends,” she said, looking at Seokjin and Taehyung.

I remained silent, knowing that whatever I said would only fuel her and once she started going there was no stopping her. I looked next to me, seeing that Seokjin looked deep in thought about something and Taehyung was looking both concerned and confused at what was going on.

“It’s none of your business” Jimin said, still defensive. “We don’t want to talk to you, so please leave us alone while I’m asking nicely.”

I heard a light gasp from Seokjin, his expression lighting up and mouth opening and eyes widening. As quickly as it happened the expression was gone, replaced with a look of absolute disdain aimed right at Yunhee.

“You heard him,” he said, his tone sounding darker than I had ever heard it. There was a spine-chilling authoritativeness to it. “Leave. You’re not welcome here.”

Yunhee merely looked amused, a smirk on her lips and eyebrows raised, but made no move to leave. “You got yourself some pretty defensive friends here, (Y/n).”

Jimin walked around me to stand in front of her, face to face, while he kept a firm hold on my hand. “We told you to leave. You have no right to be talking to my sister.”

She made a sound of realization. “That’s right, you’re little Jimin. I almost didn't recognize you without your chubby little cheeks.” She turned back to me. “I just wanted to have a chat with my old friend. Can’t I do that?”

“You made it very clear last year that you aren’t her friend anymore, you backstabbing bitch,” Seokjin said, moving forward as well. “What don’t you understand about leaving her alone?”

At this point I became aware of just how much of a scene we were causing, many students nearby having stopped to watch the commotion. I tugged on Jimin’s sleeve to get his attention. I gave him a look that I hope told him that I wanted to get out of here, and he luckily seemed to understand.

“I guess we’ll need to leave if you won’t then,” Jimin said. “Come on, noona.” He placed his hand on my elbow, starting to lead me away from her. Seokjin and a still very confused Taehyung followed as well.

Luckily, she didn’t follow or try to say anything more as we walked away. We walked in silence for a little bit while I assumed we were still heading to Daydream Café. Then I remembered something that I heard Seokjin say.

“Jin oppa,” I said to get his attention. He turned to look at me, waiting for me to continue. “You called Yunhee a backstabbing bitch,” I said. “Why did you say that?”

He looked nervous, eyes flitting around and pressing his lips together, so I pushed a little more. “Do you know something?”

His gaze settled on me and he sighed lightly. “If we’re going to talk about that, maybe we should go somewhere more private,” he gently offered.

Now curious of what it was he had to say, I nodded.

“Let’s go back to my dorm?” Seokjin suggested.

“Namjoon will probably be there too, won’t he?” I asked.

“Probably,” Jin replied. “But I think that would honestly be better if he is, if you’re okay with that.”

I thought for a moment before carefully nodding. I assumed that if Seokjin knew something, Namjoon probably did too anyway. “Okay. I guess it won’t make much difference anyway.”

On the way there Taehyung kept looking at me curiously, but he kept any questions to himself for the time being.

Walking through the familiar door to Namjoon and Seokjin’s dorm, I quickly sat on their couch while my nerves started getting the best of me. I had no idea what to expect, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was about to get some answers about why these two didn’t seem to have an aversion to me like everyone else – and whether that was real or not. I looked expectantly at Jin, who had propped himself against his desk, when Namjoon came trudging out of the bathroom, hair damp from a shower.

“Hey guys, what are you all doing here?” he asked, glancing around at the relatively full room.

“We had an encounter with (Y/n)’s ‘friend’ from last year at the park,” Seokjin said. “And I have something I need to talk to her about.” He gave a pointed look to Namjoon, who seemed to understand what he meant and relaxed into the other seat in the room.

“Okay I know you have something to tell her, Jin hyung,” Tae chimed in first, “but I am really confused about what all is going on. I know it’s not technically any of my business, but I just feel like I’m the only one who is in the dark right now.”

I sighed. “Well, I guess basically you are.” I paused, thinking of how to put it. “You know about the school forum right?” I asked, getting a nod from him in return. “Just search for my name on there and you’ll no doubt find it.”

“That’s not right though,” Jin said. “The post on the forum isn’t the truth.”

“How would you know that?” I asked. “Everyone else seems to believe it’s true.” Jimin sat down next to me, wrapping his arms around my stomach.

Seokjin was silent for a few moments, seeming to collect his thoughts. “I knew her. Eunjung.”

The use of the name surprised me. “The post didn’t say her name. How do you…?”

“She was my friend at the time,” Jin continued. “I saw her after that post was made, and she was bragging about what happened. What she and Yunhee had done to you.” The look on his face couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than disgust. “She was proud of herself, thinking she did something good. That you… That there was something wrong with you and she was putting you in your place.”

Jimin’s arms tightened around me. “That’s terrible,” he said. “She was really that smug about slandering someone like that?”

Seokjin nodded. “I never knew she was like that. That was the last time I talked to her. I couldn’t stand even just looking at her after that.”

“And Namjoon?” I asked, turning to him. He seemed surprised that I was addressing him. “Did you know about that?”

“Yeah,” Joon responded. “Yeah, I did. Hyung was so appalled by it that he told me right after he found out.”

Learning that the two of them really did know the post from last year was only based on false events made me feel much more at ease. It was as if I were able to take a breath of fresh air for the first time in a long time, and I realized that while it may not be easy to just yet, I could honestly trust them.

“So is that why you sat next to noona then?” Jimin asked.

Namjoon hesitated for a moment. “I mean, it's one reason why I didn't automatically dislike her. In all honesty, I had entered the classroom right after her and saw that when she sat down the students sitting next to her left. It made me angry, so I just decided on the spot I wanted to sit next to her. But also – I said this before and I'll say it again – I don't care about rumors and gossip in the first place.”

“Okay,” Taehyung interrupted. “So, what I’m gathering is that this Eunjung and Yunhee are royal bitches and made a post on the school forum making you look bad?”

I hummed. “More or less, yeah.”

“So, if what they posted is untrue why don’t you just tell everyone?” Taehyung added, treating it like that was the easiest thing ever.

“You don’t think I tried?” I responded. “I tried, I really did. No one would believe me. I mean, why would they? They didn’t just make fun of me. They made me out to be this really bad person. Someone who, if what they were claiming was true, wouldn’t be entirely undeserving of how I started to be treated.”

“But you’re not,” Jimin said. “You’re nothing like what they said.”

“Can I ask?” Taehyung asked hesitantly. “What did happen?”

“(Y/n),” Yunhee singsonged as she sat next to me.

I hummed in response, barely paying attention to what was going on. Suddenly, she poked me in my side, making me jump and yelp. “Hey! What was that for?”

“You’re not paying attention to me,” my closest friend pouted. “But now that I do have your attention, tell me who it is.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “Who what is?”

“Oh, come on! I know that look!” She scooted closer to me, grabbing my arm. “You got a crush on someone, don’t you?”

I pursed my lips together as I felt heat rise to my cheeks before answering with a small nod.

Yunhee squealed. “I knew it! Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

“I-It’s no one,” I said, hesitant to admit my secret to her. Despite being friends for five years, I couldn’t help but still be afraid of what she would say.

She whined in disappointment. “Oh! I know, why don’t I try guessing who it is?” She hummed as she thought of her first guess. “Is it that guy who sits next to us in math?”

“Nope.”

“How about the guy-”

“Nope.”

“Is it that boy-”

“No!” I laughed. “It’s not any of them.”

“How do you know?” she pouted again. “You didn’t even hear who I was guessing.”

“Don’t need to, they’re wrong,” I shrugged.

She playfully glared at me. “Well if you won’t let me guess then you can at least just tell me who it is. The suspense is killing me!”

I contemplated it for a moment, wondering if it would really be okay to tell her. Well, five years of friendship couldn’t mean nothing, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt. “It’s um… Someone from my literature class.”

“Ooohhhhh, what’s his name?” she bounced up and down a few times in excitement.

“Um…. H-her name is Eunjung,” I said, feeling nervous now that it was out there and I couldn’t go back.

“Huh?” Yunhee said, suddenly no longer as excited as she was before.

Maybe this was a mistake. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” I started standing up, ready to walk away and just pretend like that never happened, but her grip on my arm kept me from leaving.

She laughed nervously. “No, no, don’t leave!” she said. “I’m sorry, I just… I wasn’t expecting that. I never knew that about you.”

“Well, it’s not exactly something I can just go around telling everyone,” I said, nervously rubbing the back of my neck. “Not that you’re just anyone! It’s just… I wanted to wait to tell you and then it just kind of never came up or was relevant and I somewhat forgot about mentioning it.” I paused, waiting to see if she would say something. When she didn’t, I asked, “Are you weirded out, or-“

“Oh, no! No I’m not,” she smiled at me. “Don’t worry! But anyway, have you talked to her? This Eunjung?”

“Not really,” I replied, relaxing. “I haven’t really had the guts to yet.”

“Well, you should! You can’t exactly ask her on a date if you don’t talk to her first, right?” Yunhee said.

“You think I should talk to her? I don’t know, how am I even supposed to know if I’m her type?”

“Can’t know until you try!” Yunhee singsonged.

With her encouragement, I eventually worked up the courage to strike a conversation with Eunjung, and we ended up getting along really well. Casual conversations about class turned into getting to know each other. Short text conversations turned into staying up late talking for hours. The more I talked to her, the more I found my distant crush turning into real feelings for her.

And the more time we spent together, the more I paid attention to the little things she did. When she would let her hand linger on my arm just a little longer, when I’d look over to her to see her already staring at me, when she’d naturally and casually wrap an arm around my waist while we walked. I was worried the signals I was seeing were all my imagination or that I was exaggerating them, but they started becoming so frequent I figured there was no way they could be. So one day, I worked up the courage to ask.

“Do you want to go to dinner with me?” I rushed out as Eunjung was walking toward my door to leave.

She turned around, tilting her head while she processed my words. “Dinner?”

“Y-yeah,” I replied, suddenly embarrassed.

“You mean… like a date?” Eunjung asked as she slowly walked back in my direction.

I tried to not show my surprise at her clarification. “If- If you want it to be,” I said so quietly I would have been surprised if she heard it.

But she did, and she smiled at me. “Yes. I’d love to go to dinner with you.”

We scheduled a date, and I found a decent enough restaurant that wouldn’t completely break my bank account to take her out to. Despite being super nervous at first, I quickly relaxed when she acted just the same as she always did with me. We had a really nice dinner, followed by a stroll around a park where she took the initiative to hold my hand as we walked side by side. At the end of the date we went back to the dorm building, and I dropped her off at her room first.

“Thank you for tonight,” I said, a big smile on my face. “I had a really nice time.”

“I should be thanking you for planning such a nice date,” Eunjung said, taking my hand in hers.

I felt a blush paint my cheeks. “It was nothing.” I lifted our joined hands, smiling dumbly at the sight and rubbed small circles into the back of her hand.

When I looked back up at her, I barely had time to even see what was happening before she leaned in and placed her lips on mine. It was a short, gentle kiss. But I loved it, nonetheless.

“So, could I take you out again sometime?” I asked as she opened the door to her room

Passing through the doorway, she turned around and hummed before saying, “How about I let you know tomorrow?”

I was so elated that night. I had been on a few dates before, but I had never felt like any of them had gone as well as that. It was crazy and dangerous, how quickly I found myself falling for this girl. The last thing she said played in my mind as a promise that we would continue seeing each other, and I went to sleep so happy and looking forward to what was to come.

But the next day, my elation quickly dissipated when things seemed really off on campus. All over school, people were whispering and I was pretty sure many kept staring at me. I wasn’t one to feel paranoid, but something was weird and I just couldn’t shake off a bad feeling.

It was when I walked into my first classroom and it went deathly silent so quickly that I really knew something was wrong. Having noticed that many people were also glued to their phones, I thought the most likely place for whatever it was that was making everyone act like that would have been the school forum.

Sitting in my seat and logging in, I found the most popular post at the top where my name was prominently placed in the title along with words that I could hardly even believe. I suddenly felt sick, and I hadn’t even read the actual post yet. Without caring what other people would think about it, I picked up my bag and hurried out of the class, heading toward the closest bathroom and locking myself in a stall.

LESBIAN STUDENT PARK (Y/N) SEXUALLY HARASSES PEER

Needing to find out what could have possibly led to that title, I began to read through the words and what I found was unbelievable. The post claimed that after befriending another girl – whose identity wasn’t revealed – I started putting unwanted advances on her, until eventually pressuring her into going on a date.

It continued to claim that I kept being touchy throughout dinner and on our walk, making her continuously feel uncomfortable. And best of all, the post claimed that when I took her back to her room I forced her to kiss me, and tried to force even more on her – things that I would never do and couldn’t even imagine. It said that she managed to get me off of her before she rushed into her room and cried herself to sleep.

The further into the post I got, the more my hands shook and the blurrier my vision became as tears clouded my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. The whole time I was nothing but respectful and kept my distance until I was sure that it seemed like she was looking for the same thing I was.

She had been sending me hints. She was the one who clarified that when I asked her to dinner it was a date and said she’d ‘love to go’ with me. She held my hand. She kissed me. I let her control the pace, handed the reins to her so she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. So what was all of this?

After spending who knows how long getting over my initial shock and I was starting to be able to think a little more clearly, I noticed something a bit odd about the post.

There were pictures.

A picture of us eating dinner, of us holding hands in the park, of our kiss outside her room. Her face was blurred in every one, but of course mine was fully visible for anyone to see. How were there pictures? If there were pictures… Someone had to have followed us. I went over anything else I could remember from last night to see if something stood out. Then I remembered our last exchange.

‘So, could I take you out again sometime?’

‘How about I let you know tomorrow?’

It clicked. She planned this. She planned this from the start. She said that because she knew this post would be on the forum and it would be her answer – a blatantly obvious ‘no way in hell.’ But, why? How?

I scrolled all the way back up the page to look at the username of the person posting. Our usernames were assigned by the school and contained our real names, a measure to prevent us from abusing the forums.

I felt sick all over again when I saw the username NYunhee427.

The room was silent after I finished explaining what had happened last year.

Taehyung was the first to break it. “That is… absolutely disgusting.” He said. “Why would anyone do that?”

I shrugged. “To be honest, I’m not sure why. I mean, I guess I just found out why Eunjung did. Leave it to me to get a crush on a girl who’s homophobic,” I laughed humorlessly. “But as for Yunhee? I still don’t know. When I talked to her, she didn’t give me a reason. She just confessed that after I started talking to Eunjung, she told her about my crush and they decided to start this plan. So from the start, Eunjung purposely pretended like she was interested in order to bait me.”

“It still baffles me,” Jin chimed in. “I don’t agree with her point of view, but I disagree even more with the way she did things. If she wasn’t interested, she should have just told you no and walked away. But to purposely fool you, and then tell everyone that you harassed her when that didn’t happen at all?”

“It’s sick,” Jimin said, his voice muffled from where his head was buried in my hair.

“Oh and another star to go into the inaccuracies column,” I added, “is that I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual. Yunhee should have known that, but I don’t know. Maybe she thought me talking about boys before was all fake? Or maybe she figured calling me a lesbian would make a bigger impact.”

“She’s such a royal bitch,” Jimin said, pulling himself away from me for the first time since he sat down. “I still can’t stand that she did that to you.”

“Didn’t anyone question why there were pictures?” Taehyung asked out of nowhere. He must have been thinking about it for a bit.

“Oh yeah, some people noticed that was weird,” I said. “But Yunhee just said that Eunjung told her about what I was ‘doing’ to her and asked her to follow us just in case she needed help.”

“Oh yeah because that makes sense,” Taehyung said. “Her going to your supposed friend for help.”

I shrugged. “People didn’t think that far.”

“And people wouldn’t listen,” Seokjin said. “They believed Yunhee and the post because there was ‘photo proof.’ They didn’t care what we said to tell them it wasn’t true.”

I looked over at Seokjin. “We?”

“Well,” Namjoon said, “I’m sure it’s not really a surprise that it was something the students wouldn’t shut up about for a while. People would say stuff to us or around us and we would voice our oppositions, but they didn’t care. They’d say we were blind and stupid. When in reality, that’s exactly what they were.”

“Thank you,” I found myself saying. “For trying.”

Seokjin offered me a small smile. “I’m sorry I never talked to you before. I saw how others would treat you when they did, and I figured you wouldn’t believe that a stranger was on your side so easily.”

I smiled back. “You’re right, I wouldn’t have believed you. To be honest, I still had trouble believing you guys up until today. I wanted to, but I just had too many bad experiences since that day to fully trust anyone other than Chim. I’ve built up walls, and I don’t know if I can just suddenly take them down, but knowing all this now I can at least say that I’m glad I didn’t push you guys away.”

“Well,” Seokjin said, “if you want those walls broken down, we’d be more than happy to help.”

Seokjin really wasn’t joking. Within the last month, the three of them fully absorbed both me and Jimin into their friend group. Rarely did I eat at the cafeteria without at least two others now, and Jin especially seemed really adamant about bringing me out of my shell.

While all of them were very welcoming and nice, there had really been a huge shift with Seokjin in particular. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been friendly with me before, but ever since everything was laid out on the table there hadn’t been a day where he didn’t at least contact me, if not spent some time with me in person.

Today was no different–yet again, I found myself at Daydream Café. The biggest thing that had kept me away from this place within the last year was the fact that Yunhee and I loved to hang out here together. I had found myself here only one time after everything had happened and I felt lonelier than ever, suddenly having no one to share my time with.

But now things were a bit different. I could still feel the weird looks from other students here and there, but I wasn’t alone. I was with my new friends–a term that I was still getting used to thinking. Taking a sip of my drink, I looked across the table at Seokjin who gave me a smile. Next to him were Hoseok and another friend we had been introduced to, Yoongi. And next to me sat Jimin.

“What was up with that girl sitting with you in the cafeteria earlier today?” Hoseok asked, taking a bite of the pumpkin-flavored desert we were all sharing.

I shrugged. “Who knows. Apparently she’s a freshman and somehow heard that I’m into girls but not about what everyone thinks of me. She was pretending to flirt and be interested.”

“Maybe she actually was interested,” Seokjin said, only half serious.

I laughed. “Yeah, right. After how many girls have come up to me saying, ‘I hear I’m your type. Let’s go on a date,’ in the past year, I can tell when they’re full of shit. And trust me, she was.”

“Good thing she didn’t stick around when we got there, then,” Jimin said.

“She was so unbelievably awkward as soon as you sat down, Jimin,” Hoseok laughed.

I observed as Yoongi smiled softly at Hoseok while he laughed. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was, but I felt like there was something there that I was missing.

After Hoseok stopped laughing Yoongi looked at me, raising his eyebrows. “Why do you keep staring like that?”

I felt my cheeks heat up, embarrassed at being caught. “S-Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude.”

“Just go ahead and ask,” Yoongi said.

It was my turn to be curious. “What do you mean? Ask what?”

“I see you trying to figure out what’s going on with me and Hoseok,” he answered.

“Oh!” Hoseok said. “I guess we haven’t mentioned it, huh? Sorry, we’re just kinda used to everyone around us knowing.” Hobi lifted his hand from where it was under the table, showing that it was entwined with Yoongi’s. “Yoongi hyung is my boyfriend,” he said.

“Ah, that makes a lot of sense,” Jimin said. “How long have you two been together?”

“Three and a half years,” Yoongi said casually as he pulled their hands back underneath the table. “We’re not usually very obvious about it.”

“Yeah,” Hoseok said, mouth turning downward a little. “Can’t always be sure how people will react.”

“Don’t I know that all too well,” I said, staring at my drink sitting on the table, and Jimin placed a comforting hand on my back. I felt something brush against my free hand on the table and looked up a little to see Jin gently placing his warm hand on top of mine.

“Well, you don’t need to ever worry about that with us,” Seokjin said, giving a soft smile.

“And for the record,” Hoseok said nervously, “Yoongi and I don’t believe what everyone else says about you, either. Just in case we haven’t made that clear already.”

I felt a smile slowly grow on my lips. “Thank you.”

“Well, I should be getting to class,” Yoongi said, finishing his iced americano and pushing his chair back.

“I’ll walk you, hyung,” Hoseok said, standing up with Yoongi. “We’ll see you guys later!”

As they waked away, Hoseok waving goodbye, I could feel Jimin shifting around next to me.

“And I promised Jungkook I’d give him a call,” Jimin said. For some reason, he kept moving his gaze between me and Seokjin as he talked. “So, I’m going to get going now. Bye!”

Before I could blink, he got up and rushed to the door, leaving just me and Seokjin left at the table.

Jin seemed to be as flustered as me by his sudden exit, taking a moment to register what happened. “Alrighty then,” he finally broke the silence before removing his hand from mine and taking a sip of his tea. “Who’s Jungkook?”

“Oh, he’s Jimin’s best friend from back home,” I said. “He’s younger than Jimin, so he’s still in high school.”

“Ah, okay,” Jin replied before we fell into a bit of silence.

With it now just being the two of us and the comfortable quiet that hung in the air, I started to feel more conscious of the other people around us. Particularly of the next table over where a girl was whispering quite loudly with some choice words to describe me with.

I could tell Jin heard it as well, seeing him instantly tense up. “Why don’t we get going?” he offered, acting nonchalant. I just nodded in response before gathering my things and walking outside into the chilly autumn air.

As soon as we were out the door, Jin started striking up a random conversation with me. He was always doing this. Whenever we’d hear people talking about me or someone would say something to me, he made it a habit to start talking about something else as soon as possible.

I knew he did it to keep my mind off of what was said. By this point, there wasn’t really any more emotions for me to get out or work through with the situation–it had been going on for so long. So instead of going the ‘let’s talk about this’ route, Jin would do what he could to keep my mind off of it as much as possible.

But this time, I just found myself thinking about something else, instead. While Jin was rambling on about something–I think I heard him complaining about something to do with his business management course–I was examining his face, trying to will his inner thoughts and feelings to write themselves on his skin so I could understand him and why he did this.

At some point, he had stopped rambling and turned to me, apparently waiting for me to answer a question I hadn’t heard.

I blinked, refocusing my attention to reality. “Sorry, what was that?” I asked.

Jin gently shook his head. “I know you weren’t listening,” he said, but he didn’t sound accusatory, just understanding. “What’s on your mind, (Y/n)?”

Put on the spot, I wasn’t sure how to voice my thoughts. Seokjin waited patiently while I tried to put them together, and then contemplated if I really should say them out loud.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Jin assured, noticing my hesitance. “But I want you to know that you can trust me. I hope I’ve done enough to prove that to you.”

“You definitely have,” I said, barely audible. “I just… Sorry, I’m having trouble putting my thoughts together.” Jin nodded in understanding, remaining silent while he waited for me to continue. I took a few moments, looking around at the trees colored in reds and yellows while I figured out how to voice my thoughts. “I guess I’m just trying to figure out why you try so hard.”

Jin stopped in his tracks suddenly, eyeing me curiously. “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

“You’re just always putting such an effort into trying to make me feel comfortable and welcome,” I elaborated. “Even just now, I know you were only talking about random things to keep my mind off of what other people were saying.”

“Well, that’s what friends do, don’t they?” Jin asked, still clearly confused about why I had to point it out. “We are friends, right?”

“Yes. At least, I hope we are,” I answered bashfully. I looked forward as I continued walking. “But I wonder if you do it because you feel some kind of… obligation to be nice to me. Maybe to try to make up for what I’ve been experiencing.”

“(Y/n),” Seokjin said, placing a hand on my shoulder and turning me toward him, making us stop once again. “Is that what it seems like to you?” His voice was gentle and his expression full of concern.

I shrugged, staring at my feet. “I just worry. I told you it would be hard for me to accept all this for a while.”

“Well, let me put your mind at ease,” Jin said, lifting my chin with his forefinger. “As much as I wish you never had to experience everything you’ve gone through the past year, I don’t feel any obligation toward you. Everything I do for you, I do because I consider you my friend and I care about you. If you need me to back off a bit, I will do that for you. But I can’t tell you how much I’ve been enjoying spending time with you this year so far.”

Jin moved the hand on my shoulder to the middle of my back to gently usher me forward and continue on our way, dropping it away once we were walking again. “Every time I spend time with you, I see that wall of yours slowly come down. A little more of your personality, the part of you that you’ve kept hidden from everyone comes out and it makes me so happy to see, and I realize that I really like who you are a little more each time. I know you haven’t shown us the entire real you yet, but I can’t wait for the day that you do.”

Looking at him, I could see him smiling softly and his eyes full of… something. Care? Adoration? Whatever it was, it made his eyes look like they were sparkling and I found myself both wanting to never look away and too embarrassed to keep looking. I managed to give him a smile before ultimately tearing my gaze away with a blush on my cheeks and feeling my heart race. How seeing him like that made me feel was definitely something I wasn’t going to be examining anytime soon.

“Thank you, Jin oppa,” I said, barely above a whisper. “I don’t think I’ve heard anyone say something that sounded that sincere to me in a long time.

We walked the rest of the way back to the dorms in comfortable silence, while I hoped Jin couldn’t tell the battle going on inside my head to keep thoughts that shouldn’t be there out. If I were honest with myself, it wasn’t the first time those kinds of thoughts surfaced in my mind. But I couldn’t let them take hold at all. I’d found new friends, and I wasn’t going to ruin it by letting my heart run off with fantasies at one of the first people to show me kindness like Jin has.

If only that was as easy to control as I wanted it to be.

Seokjin walked me back to my door first and before I could even think about the words, I asked, “Do you want to come in for a little bit?” I internally grimaced at myself for not being able to control my tongue.

Jin however, seemed pleased with my offer when he smiled and said, “Of course.”

This was the first time I had openly invited any of my new friends into my dorm. Luckily, I was a relatively clean person so there weren’t any big messes around for me to fix and he wasn’t going to get an accidental look at my underwear selection.

After taking a quick look around, Jin made himself comfortable on the lone couch in the corner. “You keep your room nice and clean,” he commented, seeming to approve. “I wish you could rub that off on Joon. I’m the only reason our room isn’t a disaster.”

I chuckled as I poured us both some water from the kitchenette. “If you couldn’t get him to be more organized after being with each other for your whole lives, I don’t think I can do much.” I handed him his glass as I sat next to him.

Jin threw his head back when he laughed heartily. “That’s very true.”

I was surprised at how easily the two of us settled into conversation, chatting literally about anything. The nervousness I initially felt when I invited him in without thinking was soon long gone and replaced by a comforting warmth, wrapping around me like a blanket that I never wanted to let go of.

“You’re kidding!” I laughed when Jin recounted the story of when Namjoon found out about Hoseok and Yoongi’s relationship.

“I’m serious!” he said. “He walked into the room and saw them kissing, screamed like a little girl and ran down the hallway, tripping and knocking over this jade statue my mom had. He fell flat on his face and started crying.”

I doubled over sideways onto the couch as I couldn’t stop laughing, holding onto my stomach. “Oh my gosh, he must have been mortified.”

“Oh, he was,” Jin said, having a hard time talking between his own fits of laughter. “So were Hobi and Yoongi. They thought he was uncomfortable about them, but it turned out he was just shocked and utterly embarrassed about catching them. And then even more embarrassed by his fall.”

“That is definitely one way for your friends to find out about your relationship,” I mused as I righted myself and calmed down. I turned to look at Jin, whose gaze was already on me with a bright smile.

“There she is,” he said quietly.

I tilted my head, confused. “What do you mean?”

“The you behind that wall.” Jin reached his hand out to brush back some of my hair that had fallen in my face during my laughing fit and rested it on my cheek. “I’m really happy to see the real you come out like that.”

I felt my face flush while I tried to not smile too much. There was that look in his eyes again–the one that made them sparkle. Something about it was so captivating that I couldn’t look away, and Seokjin didn’t seem to want to break the eye contact anytime soon.

“I don’t want to overstep,” Jin started, seeming to think carefully about each word that left his mouth, “but I also want to be honest with you.” He took in a deep breath before continuing. “(Y/n), I-”

My ringtone rang out into the room, interrupting whatever it was Seokjin was about to say and bursting the bubble that was created around us. With a quiet sigh, Jin dropped his hand away from where it still rested against my cheek.

After shaking off the fuzzy feeling that had invaded my mind, I recognized the song playing as the one I set for Jimin. “Hey Chim, what’s up?” I asked when I answered the call.

“Noona, where are you right now?” he responded, sounding out of breath.

There was an urgency in his voice that made me concerned. “I’m in my room. Why? Is something wrong, Chim?”

“Okay, good,” he said. “Just- just stay there, okay? Don’t go anywhere. I’m on my way.”

“Jimin, what is going on?” I asked again, entirely confused.

“I’ll explain when I get there. Just trust me when I ask you to not leave your room, okay? And don’t go on the school forum or Twitter or anything. I’ll be there in five minutes, tops.”

He hung up the call before I had the chance to ask anything else, leaving me an utterly bewildered mess.

I looked at Jin who, being close enough to have heard the call as well, looked just as confused as me.

“What was that about?” he asked, but it wasn’t really directed towards me.

“I have no idea,” I said, trying to revisit the conversation in my head. “He said he’s on his way here and to… not look at the school forum.”

As soon as the words left my mouth Seokjin was on his phone, most likely doing exactly what Jimin asked me not to. It only took a few moments for his fingers to stop in their tracks, his face looking shocked before quickly changing into anger.

“Yeah, don’t check the school forum, alright,” he mumbled. “What the fuck is this girl’s problem?”

With his reaction, I quickly went to take a look myself. When I made it to the forum, I had no trouble finding the post that Jimin obviously didn’t want me to see. It would have almost felt like déjà vu, if my initial reaction this time hadn’t been to laugh incredulously.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, scoffing.

Sitting prominently on the first page of the forum was a post titled ‘PARK (Y/N) FINDS ANOTHER VICTIM TO PREY ON,’ posted by Yunhee. Skimming through the post, I saw a picture of me and another girl sitting in the cafeteria. I didn’t really care about the contents because I knew it was full of nothing but lies. But looking closely at the picture, I was able to recognize the other girl even though her face was blurred.

“That’s the girl we were talking about earlier,” I told Jin. “The one who sat with me before Jimin and Hoseok got there.”

“Well, that’s just great,” he said, running a hand through his hair and clearly frustrated.

It wasn’t long before there was a knock at my door and I heard Jimin’s voice calling through to let me know it was him.

I got up to open the door and he hurried in, swiftly closing and locking the door behind him. “Noona, you haven’t looked at the forum, have you?” he rushed out.

I showed him my phone which was still in my hand, and he sighed.

“I told you not to look,” he said, concern lacing his features.

“Well,” Seokjin said, making Jimin jump in surprise since he hadn’t noticed him yet, “if you explicitly say, ‘don’t look on the forum,' it kind of makes us curious about what was on the forum.”

“Hyung! I didn’t know you were here.” My brother relaxed a little. “Well at least you weren’t by yourself when you saw it,” he said, looking at me closely. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Chim,” I answered. “I’m more in disbelief than anything. I don’t get why she’s doing this again.”

“Show me your class schedule,” Jimin said suddenly.

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Why?”

“Because you’re not going anywhere alone,” he said. “I need to know your schedule, and I’m going to talk to our friends and see how we can arrange that.”

I sighed. “Jimin, I told you not to try to be my bodyguard-”

“Yeah, that was before this-” he pointed at his phone, where he had the forum open as well “-happened. Things are a bit different now.”

“How?” I asked. “It’s not like people ever stopped bothering me, and they will keep doing it now.”

“You told me just a few days ago that it’s calmed down a lot since last semester,” Jimin said. “But this post is going to make it worse again, just like when the post last year went up. And I am not letting you go through that alone again.”

Not knowing what to say, I turned to Jin in hopes of some assistance.

“Sorry, (Y/n),” Jin said. “I actually agree with Jimin. That’s probably why she did this. She wants people to start bothering you again. For what reason, I don’t know. But if you think I won’t go out of my way to make sure you have one of us with you as much as possible, then you clearly don’t know how much I care about you.”

I could have sworn I saw a smirk appear on Jimin’s face for a moment, but it was gone so fast I couldn’t tell if I imagined it or not. “Well, that’s settled then. Let’s see if we can get everyone here and come up with a plan.”

I sat down, giving into their insistence. While I had gotten more or less used to everything by now, imagining things going back to being just as bad as they were those first few weeks after the original post made my stomach drop—even more so when I imagined having to go through it on my own again. I knew there wasn’t much I could do, so I figured I should be happy with the fact that I had people to help me this time.

But there was one thing I knew I wanted to do. I needed answers, and I was going to get them one way or another. I needed to talk to Yunhee.

“Noona, I’m not letting you do this alone,” Jimin insisted once again as I walked down the hallway.

“Jimin, I have to,” I responded. “This is something I need to talk to her about on my own. If I bring you in there with me, it’s only going to make it look like I can’t handle it myself.”

It had been four days since Yunhee posted to the forum again and what Jimin expected was exactly what happened. People were so much more vocal about their thoughts about me, not even bothering to whisper their accusations and choice words. Whenever I was alone—which was mostly during classes—it was the worst. But between Jimin, Seokjin, and the others, we were able to work out a way for one of them to walk me between each class and be with me almost all of the time.

Hoseok had also talked his parents into letting me eat at the café for lunch and dinner. They had a private room in the back where they would rest and eat, and his dad was kind enough to make some extra portions for me. They didn’t even need us to explain the situation, having heard gossip from the students who frequented the café. And luckily, they already knew from their son how untrue it all was so they were more than willing to help me out.

I had already known which room in the dorm was Yunhee’s, having visited it many times before, so all I had to do was wait for a time when she was in her room so I could confront her. I knew for sure she was there right now, and I was more than eager to find out what her issue was and try to put a stop to all of this.

I paused in front of her door about to knock, when Jimin grabbed ahold of my arms to stop me again. “Are you sure I can’t come in with you?”

“Please, Chim,” I said. “I want to do this on my own. I need to.”

He sighed and slowly let go of his grip on me. “Alright, fine. But I’m staying right here. You call for me if you need me, understand?”

“I will,” I said, figuring I wouldn’t need him but knew agreeing would put him at ease. “Thank you.” I offered him a smile in gratitude before I took in a breath and finally knocked on her door.

“I know it’s you, (Y/n),” I heard Yunhee call from inside. “I heard you talking.”

“Well, then you know why I’m here,” I said firmly. “And we need to talk. You might want to let me in before I make a scene out here in the hallway.”

There was silence for a few moments before the door clicked as she unlocked it, slowly opening it to allow me in.

After I walked in and she shut the door behind us, Yunhee leaned against it and crossed her arms. “Well?” she asked. “What is it you feel like you need to say.”

I felt anger boiling in my stomach. “You know exactly what I’m here to talk about,” I said, clenching my fists. “You know just as well as I do that everything you posted, the other day and last year, is bullshit.”

Yunhee shrugged. “Well, they’re already out there, so I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Why would you even post them in the first place?” I asked. “You and Eunjung did enough damage last year, and I know it must have been you who asked that freshman to approach me the other day. Why would you do all of this?!”

Yunhee didn’t answer; she just looked at me with an unreadable expression.

“I haven’t done any of the things that either of those posts claimed, and you damn well know it.” I took in a deep breath to try to calm down a little and gather my thoughts. “I still don’t understand why you started this, Yunhee. I considered you my best friend. When I opened up to you about my orientation, I didn’t think you’d just throw five years-worth of friendship out the window and stab me in the back.”

“Stab you in the back?” Yunhee pushed herself away from the door. “Well, I felt like you stabbed me in the gut. For five whole years you couldn’t tell me that you were into girls?”

“I told you why I didn’t say anything before then. And apparently it was for good reason, seeing how you plotted against me with a homophobe and just tossed me aside when I did!” I rubbed my face with my hands in frustration. “Did I really disgust you that much that you felt all of that was necessary?”

“Disgust?” she asked, walking toward me. “No, (Y/n). You are completely missing the mark here. What happened was that the moment you decided it was appropriate to come out to me, it just had to be when you had found some other random girl—who you hadn’t even talked to at that point, might I add—to fawn over. In all the years I knew you, I never thought that you would have even looked at a girl like that. But you did, and instead of being someone that you knew and who cherished you, it had to be some random chick?!”

“W-What?” I had to run the last sentence she said through my head again to really understand the meaning behind her words. “No way. Were you- were you jealous?”

“Yes, I was jealous!” Yunhee admitted. “Here I was, thinking there was no way you could care about me the way I cared about you, that I was absolutely not your type. But then I found out I was wrong in the same breath that you confessed your crush on some other girl. Of course I'd be jealous!”

Taken aback, I needed a moment to absorb the new information before I could respond. “Well first of all, it's not like you ever told me that you were into girls either-"

“How could I when you were the only girl I had eyes for and I thought it was hopeless?” Yunhee said.

“Okay, I can see your point there,” I said. “But you could have told me after I was open about it! It didn't have to be the same day or even soon after but, Yunhee, there were so many things you could have done instead of letting your jealousy drive me away and make up lies about me!”

“I didn't know what else to do!” She shouted, flailing her arms in the air. “You clearly weren't interested in me like that and I was just so angry.”

“You said you cared about me as more than a friend, but that didn’t stop you from kicking me to the curb and starting all these rumors that not only alienated me but made me look like I was some terrible person when I hadn’t done anything wrong! That doesn’t exactly look like the actions of someone who cares. Did you even feel bad at all?”

“Of course I did,” she almost mumbled. “When I started it, I just wanted you to feel rejected, like how I did. The date and the post were all Eunjung’s idea. I had let Eunjung use my account to post it, and I didn’t know she was going to go that far with it. Once I read through it after it was posted, I felt really bad for what she said about you.”

“Why didn’t you just talk to me, Yunhee?” I asked, finally taking a seat on her couch. “I can understand you feeing jealous, but you didn’t need to let your jealousy govern your actions. I was going to be rejected by Eunjung either way. And I get you wouldn’t have known that, but if you honestly cared about me and considered me your friend, you could have waited. Maybe even opened up about your own preference in the meantime.

“And when I inevitably got hurt by Eunjung, you could have been there for me. Who knows, you might even have been able to get the courage to own up about your own feelings about me too. There are just so many things you could have done better, instead of all of this!”

I took a moment to breathe and collect myself, while Yunhee remained silent. She was still standing in the middle of the room staring at the ground, at least having the decency to look a little ashamed.

“And what about this new post?” I asked. “If what you said is all true it doesn’t make sense why you would do that again.” When she still remained silent, I took the time to think about it. The only encounter I had with her recently was the day in the park, before Seokjin and Namjoon told me what they knew and I told the story to Taehyung. Maybe… “Don’t tell me you got jealous again.” I guessed. “That I had found new friends.”

Yunhee turned away from me, seeming to refuse to answer. But that was all the answer I needed.

“You did!” I said. “What the hell, Yunhee?!”

“What?” she finally responded, whipping back around and anger lighting her expression. “I was supposed to be happy that you found some new people to be friends with? That I didn’t seem to matter to you anymore?”

I scoffed. “Oh, and I was just supposed to forget about everything you had done to me and come crawling back to you saying, ‘Oh Yunhee, I miss you. I forgive you, please be my friend again’? Why the hell would I do that?! You completely betrayed any trust I had in you. I didn’t know that the worst part was all Eunjung’s idea, so I’ll give you that. But what’s even worse is that you let her go along with it, and afterwards you didn’t say anything!

“You didn’t tell me that that part was all her and you didn’t know she’d say that. You never came to me to apologize or try to make amends. I wasn’t the one who needed to reach out here, Yunhee. It was you. I don’t know if you still feel like your reasons justified their actions, but let me tell you as the one who get the shit end of the stick, they didn’t.”

We were both silent for a few moments while she took in my words and I calmed down a bit. When I spoke again, my voice was much more relaxed. “If you were hoping for us to be friends again, you should have apologized. You should have told me everything you did just now, not because I dragged it out of you but in an effort to be honest and ask for a second chance. But if you were looking for one, that chance is now completely blown.”

She lifted her gaze from the floor, all the fire in her eyes gone. “I’m sorry,” she said so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.

“It’s too late to apologize to me now,” I said. “But I hope you will do better in the future. I don’t wish bad things on you, Yunhee. I just can’t forgive you for what you’ve done.” I sighed as I stood up to leave. “Thank you for finally being honest with me at least.”

Yunhee made no move to say anything else or stop me as I opened her door and left. As soon as the door to her room was closed again, Jimin wrapped me in a tight hug. I had no doubt he was able to hear almost everything that was said with how thin the walls here were.

“You did well, noona,” he said, giving me a kiss on the crown of my head. “I’m proud of you.”

The next day was luckily the weekend, and I wasn’t surprised at all to receive a text from Jin asking if he could stop by. Jimin had been the one to let the others know about my conversation with Yunhee, which I really appreciated. I needed some time to recover yesterday after what I had learned.

As for how people were treating me, I was clueless on what to do. As wrong as what she and Eunjung had done was, I wasn’t about to go telling the whole student body Yunhee’s secrets. Her sexual orientation, her personal thoughts and feelings, those were all her own business to tell. That luxury was taken away from me, and I knew that I didn’t want to do the same to anyone else.

Not to mention, I doubted anyone would even believe me anyway.

A light knock on my door sounded while I was eating my cereal. I opened it to let Seokjin in, and he followed me back to the kitchenette.

“How are you doing?” He gently asked.

I shrugged. “I’m fine. To be honest, I’m glad I have answers now. I’m no less upset with her but at least I know why she did it, even if it wasn’t right.”

Seokjin’s gaze when our eyes connected was so soft, it almost made me feel like I could melt. “I can’t imagine how hard all of this has been for you,” he said.

“I just wish she would have thought to react differently,” I said. “None of this would have happened if she just didn’t act on jealousy.” I sighed, briefly imagining how things could have been different. “But then again, I may not have become friends with you guys if none of this happened.”

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Jin said, taking a seat across from me. “Our brothers still would have met and would have inevitably gotten us to mingle.”

“We probably would have just been acquaintances,” I pointed out.

Seokjin chuckled. “Would going through everything the past year really have been worth it, though? Only to become friends with us?”

I honestly thought about the answer to that while I finished my breakfast. I spent a lot of time building up walls, being alienated and ridiculed. It hadn’t been easy at all to get through, and it still wasn’t. But if all of that was a dark tunnel, then the light at the end would’ve had to be the new friendships I made, especially with the man sitting across from me right now.

“Yes,” I decided. My eyes met Seokjin’s, and I could see the bit of surprise in them from my answer. “Even if the only way for me to have become friends with you was to go through that shitshow, I would do it all over again.”

There it was again, that sparkly look in his eyes. A wide smile slowly grew on his face. “You amaze me, (Y/n). Do you know that?”

“There’s nothing ‘amazing’ about me, oppa,” I said.

“You are amazing,” he countered. “Not everyone would have the strength to do what you did yesterday. Or to get through the last year as well as you have. You’re so much more than you give yourself credit for.”

Finding myself blushing at his words, I decided it was a good time to rinse out my bowl so he hopefully wouldn’t notice.

Once I was done I made my way to the couch, Seokjin following behind me. I sat down, but he remained standing close by for a moment, seeming deep in thought.

“Do you remember how I was about to tell you something the other day?” he suddenly asked. “Before Jimin called you.”

I racked my brain, pulling out the memory—mostly about how intensely he had been staring at me and how fast it made my heart beat. I cleared my throat before saying, “Yeah, I remember.”

“I think now it’s even more important for me to be honest with you,” Jin said. “And I think I know you well enough to tell, but I just want to make sure first. You’re not feeling emotionally vulnerable right now, right? I know that yesterday was a lot for you to take in, but you seem to be doing well today.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, wondering what this was about. “I mean, yeah. I’m not like in shock or dazed or feeling particularly vulnerable or anything. Why?”

“Because what I have to tell you is important but I want to be sure that whatever you have to say in response is honest and comes from your heart,” he said.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, becoming worried. “Did I-”

“No, absolutely not,” Jin assured me, gently smiling. “Nothing is wrong.”

I nodded in understanding, but didn’t say anything as I waited for him to continue.

Jin took in a deep breath before sitting next to me and gently taking my hand in his. “I told you the other day about how the more I get to see who you are beyond your wall, the more I realize how much I like you. I wasn’t exaggerating at all, (Y/n). I didn’t realize it at first, but my feelings toward you started to become less and less platonic the more I got to know you. And before I knew it, I started to really like you. Not just as a friend, but as something more.”

I felt my heart pounding in my chest. So that’s what that sparkle in his eyes was—the same one that prominently shined in his earnest gaze now. Butterflies had completely swarmed my stomach, making me almost feel dizzy from his confession. I could hardly believe it. After I had worked so hard to try to keep those same thoughts and feelings from taking root in my own heart, he had felt that way all along?

“I don’t expect you to feel anything more than friendship toward me,” he continued, “but I just feel like I need to be completely honest with you. I can continue to just be your friend, but I don’t want any secre-”

I couldn’t stop myself from closing the distance between us and placing my lips on his. I felt him hesitate, probably shocked at my actions, but he quickly relaxed into it and returned the kiss. Despite not letting go, neither of us made any move to deepen the kiss, keeping it soft and light.

Eventually, I pulled away just slightly and slowly opened my eyes. “You have no idea how I’ve been internally battling myself to not fall for you, oppa.” I spoke barely above a whisper, knowing he’d be able to hear me with how close our faces still were. “I was scared that I was looking too deeply into things and didn’t want to ruin the best thing that had happened to me in so long.”

“Oh, thank god,” Seokjin said, looking relieved. “I was worrying about it so much, especially after learning how Yunhee had kept her feelings a secret and I was scared that if I didn’t tell you and you eventually found out about it later then it’d cause problems between us. But then I was so scared about telling you because we haven’t known each other very long and what if you didn’t feel the same and-”

I cut off his rambling with a peck to his lips before chuckling. “Well now you know you don’t need to worry about any of that.” I pulled away to look at him, feeling practically giddy now that I let myself feel everything I had been holding back before.

He smiled, leaning forward a bit to let our foreheads touch. “I guess I don’t, huh?” he mused.

“Thank you for telling me,” I said. “I mean I’m glad that we were actually on the same page, but even if I somehow managed to not develop feelings for you, I would have really appreciated the honesty.”

“Of course,” he replied as he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. He leaned in to connect our lips once again and I let myself get lost in the feeling of our mouths moving together, exploring each other for the first time.

Time had fallen away. It felt like only seconds had passed, but at the same time it felt like it could have been years that we spent connected at the lips. Tentative and careful touches started to grow more confident and certain until I was practically sitting in Jin’s lap, feeling lightheaded and out of breath.

And then my phone started ringing. Jin groaned in frustration as he broke our kiss, catching his breath. “That’s Jimin’s ringtone isn’t it?” he asked.

I was still too out of it to use my voice so I just nodded, planning on ignoring it as I trailed my lips from his jaw down his neck, not wanting to separate from him yet.

Seokjin didn’t seem fully opposed to that idea either as I let the phone ring until it went to voicemail. But it was only a few seconds later when it rang once more.

Sighing, Seokjin gently pushed me away from him. “I think you’d better answer that, babe. He probably isn’t going to stop calling.”

Despite what we were just doing, I blushed at how casually he used the pet name with me. Realizing he was probably right, I got up to retrieve my phone from the nightstand, answering just before it would have gone to voicemail.

“Yes, Jimin?” I asked, trying my best to not sound out of breath.

“Noona!” he yelled. “What took you so long to answer?”

I walked back to the couch and Jin wrapped his arms around my waist as I sat down, resting his head on my shoulder. “I was… busy.” I heard Jin snicker next to my ear. “Do you need something?”

“Check the school forum!” Jimin replied.

“The school- but why?” I asked.

“Just trust me,” he said. “There’s something there you need to see. I’ll be at your room in like ten minutes, so please make sure both of you are decent before I get there.”

I spluttered, wondering if he had some secret cameras set up in my room or something. “Wha-what are you talking about?” I managed to get out.

Jimin laughed on the other end of the phone. “I knew Jin hyung was coming to see you, and you were just vaguely and suspiciously saying you took so long to answer the phone because you were busy? Come on, noona, I wasn’t born yesterday.”

“We were not doing anything inappropriate!” I said.

“Yeah, we were just making out,” Jin added cheekily, earning a smack on the arm from me.

My brother laughed even harder. “I knew it!” He took a moment to calm down before saying, “Anyway, I really am going to head over. Check the forum, trust me. I’ll see you soon!” Jimin hung up swiftly.

“Alright, I guess we should check the forum this time,” I said as I navigated my way there on my phone.

The top post today yet again had my name in the title and was posted by Yunhee, but seemed vastly different from the previous ones. I clicked on the post titled ‘THE TRUTH ABOUT PARK (Y/N),’ finding myself completely shocked at what was inside.

Yunhee confessed every lie she told. Everything that was fabricated, even to the point of exposing that it was Eunjung who went on the date with me last year and lied about our interactions. She even admitted her reasoning on why she did it, saying that it wasn’t right for them to expose my sexuality to the whole school like that and that it was only fair that she exposed herself for what they had done.

My jaw dropped to the floor at the text displayed on my phone screen. “I can’t believe this,” I said, voice barely audible. “Did she seriously do this?”

“Unless we’re both hallucinating, she most definitely did,” Seokjin said, tightening his hold on me. When he placed a light kiss on my temple, I could feel the slight smile on his lips. “She may know she can’t take back what she had done and that you won’t forgive her, but she’s trying to make things right for you.”

“Yeah, I guess she is.” I surveyed the comments underneath where students expressed their outrage at Yunhee and how sorry they felt for criminalizing me over false rumors. “But now she’s going to be the one with fingers pointed at her and whispers behind her back.”

“She must have known that,” Jin said. “She knew it would be a price she had to pay for what she had done.”

I locked my screen and settled back into Seokjin’s embrace, feeling like an immense weight had just lifted off of my shoulders. I wouldn’t have to worry about facing my peers anymore. I could go outside, unconcerned of what people would say about me.

And best of all, I had people I cared about and who cared bout me to spend my suddenly new free time with. I had Seokjin.

After a few moments of relishing in the calm silence, Seokjin spoke. “So now that we’ve more than established how we feel about each other, and know that we can hang out without people bothering us, can I take you on a date?”

I smiled up at him before placing a quick peck on his lips. “I would love that.”

A/N - My first one-shot! I originally thought this would be about 10k but I ended up almost doubling that.. oops lol. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you guys like it as much as I do! Let me know what you think!

#BTS fanfic #Seokjin x reader #Jin x reader #thebtswritersclub #btswriterscollective #Breaking Down Walls #BDW #college!au #bi!reader #fluff #angst #f2l

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ill-skillsgard · 4 years ago

Note

Okay, I love a little angst, and I could see Faust visiting Faith at work and some prick keeps flirting with her and she’s very oblivious and doesn’t realize it. Or she has a tutor for college, and Faust walks in on him teaching her something, but the guys clearly flirting with her. Or lastly, her father setting her up with a family friends son who’s picture perfect and Stan making Faith go out with him for the night. But all these scenarios lead to a good banging lol.

Warning: 18+ anti-religious/anti-Christian themes/angst etc. **jealousy, angst and possessiveness in this part**

Faust x Faith Masterpost [x]

Faith awoke with a sharp intake of air. She glanced at the digital clock on Faust’s desk through misty eyes and paled when the late morning hour came into focus. She was due to meet her father in twenty-five minutes, and he expected her at the campus—not a half-hour bus ride from her dorm in an area of town known for its street crime. Even if Faust borrowed his roommate’s car to drive her, she wouldn’t have time to shower and dress before her father arrived.

A text from her dad warned of his impending arrival. She should have known better than to spend an entire Saturday evening humping her boyfriend, or at least set an alarm to wake up with ample time to get back to her dorm. In her panic, Faust woke up, looking ruefully unconcerned while she rushed to get dressed.

“What’s your deal?” Faust grumbled as Faith slipped on her black tights and lilac blouse, a worried expression on her face.

“We slept too late! My dad’s supposed to pick me up at school in like twenty minutes!”

Faust rolled onto his side, propping his head on his elbow as a dreamy smirk snagged his lips. Faith clicked her tongue. When it came to disappointing her father, Faust had nothing but encouragement to give, but his playful stare could not snuff her genuine panic.

“You won’t make it to school on time. Why don’t you just ask him to pick you up here?” Faust suggested.

“Hell no!” Faith exclaimed. “You don’t realize the amount of shit I’ll be in if he finds out I spent the night with you. Premarital sex is... No, I just can’t.”

Faust rolled his eyes. “It’s not like he’ll kill his own daughter.”

She rolled on one sock, then the other, grimacing when she noticed one was on inside-out. “You still don’t realize that he can and will pack up everything and move us away. Or he’ll make me go to a different school next semester. Trust me. You don’t get how strict my parents are. They’ve already made me read several pamphlets from church about the sin of fornication.”

“Well, clearly, you’ve learned nothing. We fornicated all night, babe. I fornicated all over that shirt, too,” he snickered.

“Faust! I’m serious. Now is not a time to joke. Wait... What?” Faith stopped in the middle of the room and stared down at her top, gasping. “Oh my god! There’s cum all over me! I’m so screwed.”

He got out of bed and went to the low-boy, pulling open the third drawer while Faith panicked.

“I am literally covered in your jizz! Why did you have to blow on my shirt?” Faith groaned.

Faust stifled a laugh as he pulled out a black t-shirt from the drawer. “Babe, you’re the one who wanted to suck my dick first thing after you got here. I can’t be responsible for where my unborn children go to die. Maybe you need to catch my loads a little better.”

She scoffed then scoffed again when he held up a faded t-shirt with a macabre design on the front and an illegible logo cresting the imagery.

“Wear this,” Faust offered.

“I can’t wear that in front of my dad. What does that even say?” Faith asked.

“Obituary.”

Faith shook her head. Faust shrugged and stuffed the shirt back into the drawer before grabbing a different one. “How about this? No pictures on it or anything.”

She grimaced again. “It just says Death. I’m going to church, Faust.”

“All right, all right. Give me a minute,” Faust said, rifling through another drawer.

The phone buzzed in Faith’s hand, warning her that time was running out for her to make herself presentable and come up with an excuse as to why she was nowhere near campus grounds. Faust pulled out a plain black t-shirt, offering it to her with round, sympathetic eyes.

“Will this work?”

She took the shirt and gulped. “It will have to do. It’s still all black, and my parents won’t be happy.”

Faust nodded, seeming to understand her predicament. “Why don’t you say you’re sick?”

“The only time I ever got away with missing church was when I had Chicken Pox,” Faith said.

“Say you have too much work.”

She frowned. “There’s never an excuse large enough to appease them. I appreciate the suggestions, but I’d rather you just help me with a plan.”

The man towering over her nodded, turning to select his outfit for the day. “I’ll take you to the diner down the block. You can say I picked you up for breakfast.”

“I’d rather not tell them I was with you at all,” Faith said as she gathered her purse and stuffed her soiled blouse inside.

“Ouch,” Faust flinched.

“I’m sorry... That was rude,” Faith replied, covering her mouth for a moment, eyes wide. “You’re right. We should do that just to make it look like I didn’t spend the night.”

Faust ducked into a dark long-sleeve shirt, pulling his black hair out to fall over his shoulders. “Might want to wipe the dried cum off your chin then.”

When Faith slid her fingers through Faust’s as they walked down the street, his grip fell limp. He stared ahead and didn’t take any casual glances at her. In fact, Faust had been silent since they left. Worry piled on top of anxiety over what she would tell her dad, and she dropped her gaze to the sidewalk, counting the cracks as they walked. She doubled her steps to keep up with Faust’s until they reached the front doors of the quaint diner he and his buddies went to after nights of partying and hungover mornings. He let go of her hand and stepped away from her.

“See you later,” he said, spinning on the heel of his boot.

She reached out and grabbed his arm. “Wait! You’re not even going to kiss me goodbye?”

Faust shrugged, his leather jacket bemoaning the gesture. “Wouldn’t want your dad to catch you kissing your boyfriend.”

“Faust... Please. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

He snorted, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter. “If that’s what you think.”

His pointed response stung, but Faith wouldn’t let him walk away without addressing the tension. “Seriously... I’m sorry. I wish you understood how hard it is for me to navigate this. You think I’m exaggerating when I say my father will stop paying my tuition and make me go to a different school, but I’m not.”

“No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do,” said Faust, inhaling a cloud of cigarette smoke. “You just let them run your life.”

Heat built up behind her eyes. She took in a deep breath and sighed hopelessly. “I don’t have the income to be independent. It’s not as easy as you think. Not for me.”

Stan’s car pulled up at the curb, and Faith’s heart dropped. Faust glanced at the vehicle, then back at Faith fidgeting with the hem of the black t-shirt he gave her. He nodded toward the street.

“I should go before your dad gets the wrong idea about us.”

“Faust—” she whimpered.

“We’ll talk later.”

Faith hurried to get into the backseat of her father’s car, staring out the window as they drove off and passed Faust on the street. Her mother sighed and shook her head.

“Smoking is a disgusting habit,” she muttered.

Faith’s sisters stared at her from their seats, then looked away when she met their eyes.

“What?” Faith asked.

“You’re in trouble,” one of them sang.

Stan glared at his oldest daughter in the rear-view mirror. He didn’t keep his indignation quiet for long. “Since when is it okay to wear all black in the house of Christ? We’re not attending a funeral, Faith. We’re going for worship.”

“I know,” she said, rolling her eyes. “It was the only clean outfit I had. I haven’t done laundry because I’ve had too much schoolwork.”

“Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time with that man, you’d have a proper outfit to wear on Sunday.”

“That man is my boyfriend. Am I not allowed to ever fall in love? It’s not like you and mom didn’t date before you got married.”

Reneta continued shaking her head. “Your father was a respectable man. He didn’t smoke and listen to evil music.”

Faith scoffed as her sisters listened with wide eyes and mischievous smirks. “What are you talking about, mom? You had nothing but nice things to say about him when he came over for dinner!”

“He was our guest, and a lady is always a kind host.”

“So, you don’t like him either?” Faith asked.

“Sweetheart, that’s not what I said. I just wish you would find yourself a nice boy. One who knows the importance of God—”

“If I smell smoke on you or catch you making a mockery of His word, I promise on His good name, I will make sure you never see that boy again,” Stan vowed.

Faith clammed up. Though she had plenty to say, she knew better than to push her luck. Her sisters whispered next to her, but Faith ignored them too. She fished her phone out of her purse and sent a text message to Faust.

You’re right. These people are fucked. I have to get away.

The service dragged for what seemed like hours, and when it ended, Faith was eager to leave. But instead of piling into the car to go home after the last prayer, Faith waited as her family mingled with others. As a revered minister of the church, Stan often welcomed conversation from those who sought his guidance and blessings. She sat in an empty pew, sighing with impatience as the churchgoers waited their turn for a private conversation with her father.

Faith peeked at her phone to see if Faust had replied, but the message remained unopened.

Though he hadn’t said much that morning, she feared her err had caused Faust to reevaluate his interest in her. A troublesome mass weighed in her stomach. Texting him again might result in him dubbing her “clingy,” Faith decided, so she turned off her phone until it was time to leave.

They piled into the family car and turned down the road in the opposite direction of the school campus. When Faith noticed, she perked up in her seat.

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“We’re having the Esders family over for dinner this evening,” said Stan.

Faith tried not to voice her displeasure, but nothing prevented the furrowing of her brow. “Well, that’s very nice, but I have to go home to work on my paper.”

Stan glanced back at his oldest daughter. “Your home is under our roof. And you can spare a few hours for your family.”

“Dad, I can’t spend the entire day doing nothing. It’s due tomorrow!” Faith whined.

“I won’t hear anymore, Faith. Bobby is your age, and you’ll be kind and cordial.”

“Oh, so that’s what this is about? You want me to spend time with another boy?”

“Faith, you’re helping host the Esders’, and you will be on your best behaviour.”

Faith kept to herself during dinner, helping set and clear the table, answering questions with curt replies, and after dessert, she stepped onto the veranda to call Faust. The line rang and rang until it cut off. Faust didn’t have voicemail, and he still hadn’t replied to her message from earlier. Dejected, Faith sighed as she looked out over the suburban street, the stained glass crosses hanging in bay windows and wind chimes tinkling in the cool breeze. The sound of footsteps rounded the corner, and she turned to find Bobby Esders approaching.

“Hey, Faith. What’re you doing out here all by yourself?” The flaxen-haired boy asked.

She forced a brief grin and leaned against the handrail. “Being by myself.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have interrupted. I was getting sick of all the church-talk in there.”

Faith nodded. “Same.”

Bobby tucked his hands into the pockets of his beige chinos. “I noticed you haven’t been to group in a while.”

“I have a lot of schoolwork. It’s a little more important than making arts and crafts and babysitting kids while they cry over which Veggie Tales movie to watch.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Bobby snorted with amusement, stepping up to the handrail beside her. “So... What did you do all Summer?”

The only voice Faith wanted to hear was Faust’s whispering in her ear, gently poking fun at her, calling her babe and stating interesting yet useless facts about his favourite bands and horror movies. Though she was polite, she turned to Bobby with a tight smile and sighed impatiently.

“I don’t know... Stuff? What everyone else does during the Summer.”

The boy accepted her response with a solemn nod. Bobby Esders was not oblivious. He sensed her discomfort and unspoken need for solitude the moment dinner began. With a nod, he backed away.

“Well, I hope you have a good night, and good luck with your schoolwork.”

Faith frowned. “I’m sorry, Bobby. I shouldn’t be so short with you. My parents have been treating me like a child lately, and it’s getting on my nerves. I should be studying, but instead, I’m here—”

“Pretending like you give a shit about church?” Bobby said with a secretive smirk.

“Um... Well, yeah,” she replied, blushing.

Bobby chuckled, maintaining his distance but relaxing his shoulders. He was tall like Faust, with zero body fat, bony arms, and a mop of blond curls. Faith hadn’t spoken more than a few sentences to Bobby since joining the church, but she always smiled at him when they passed in the corridors. He was pleasant and had one of the best singing voices in the congregation. His parents were wealthy business owners who donated large sums to the church and took a liking to Stan the moment he commanded the podium for his first service. Since then, Faith’s parents cultivated a friendship with the Esders family. Faith even heard them discussing how perfect it was that the two respective families had a daughter and a son of the same age, as though it was some kind of miracle. She dreaded the day Stan might suggest she try spending time with Bobby. And perhaps if she had never met Faust, she might entertain the idea of Bobby courting her, but that chance was long gone.

“Don’t worry, Faith. I might look like a goody-two-shoes, but it’s just the clothes my parents make me wear for church. I don’t really buy into any of this bullshit either.”

Stunned by his admission, Faith tilted her head as Bobby’s expression turned sly.

He continued. "And I know what our parents are trying to do with us. They’re trying to play matchmaker like it’s the eighteenth century or something. Trust me; I wouldn’t be out here bothering you if your dad hadn’t encouraged me. I can tell you want to be somewhere else, and I don’t blame you."

Faith looked up at him with a growing appreciation for his honesty. His bluntness still took her back, but she smiled with relief.

“Well, I appreciate your observation. My dad doesn’t seem to realize that I’m a person capable of making my own decisions.”

“I’m in the same boat. Do you think I want to spend all my free time doing church stuff? Right now, my friends are at home playing Call of Duty together, and I’m here, pretending like I give a shit about this stupid religion and all its oppressive rules.”

“Wow. I never pictured you as anything but...” Faith trailed off, flushing pink.

“But a Bible-toting nerd? Yeah, I get that a lot.”

Reneta called for Faith from the side door. She sighed, smiled at Bobby again, and smoothed her hands over the black T-shirt that still smelled like Faust’s bedroom. Bobby stepped aside, motioning for Faith to go first before he followed.

Faith turned on her phone after she collapsed in her bed in the corner of her dorm room. To her shock, Faust still hadn’t answered her message from earlier. She called him, but the line rang until the call dropped. Fighting back an onslaught of burning tears, she rolled over, stuffing her face under her pillow to absorb the sounds of her whimpers.

She worked an evening shift at the bookstore the next day. It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she decided that morning if Faust didn’t want to answer her, she wouldn’t press. If he couldn’t accept her apology and saw silence as an acceptable form of punishment, then she would return the favour.

However, by the time Faith made it halfway through her shift, her heart had grown twice as heavy, and she longed to hear Faust’s gravelly voice more than ever. She ducked away for a minute here and there to stifle her tears, returning to the floor with watery eyes and a sagging expression. Even her boss noticed her sunny disposition trampled upon by something she refused to disclose.

The only relief she found was when Bobby Esders strolled into the bookstore, surprised to see her working behind the counter, sorting discarded books to return to their proper shelves.

“Faith! I didn’t know you worked here,” Bobby said with a broad smile.

“Yeah, I started here in the Summer,” she replied, returning the grin.

“This is my favourite bookstore. I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other before.”

Faith forgot her melancholy for a time. With twenty minutes until close, she focused her time on helping him locate a copy of a novel he’d had no luck in tracking down. He purchased the book and offered to wait until Faith punched out to walk her to the bus stop. Her first impulse was to decline, but Bobby was too kind to allow her refusal, claiming he was going to the same stop, and he might as well accompany her there.

The last thing Faith expected to see was Faust parked outside of the mall’s entrance, leaning against the side door of his friend’s car, waiting. She flashed a concerned look at Bobby, who stared at the leather-clad man with a touch of disdain.

“Oh, that’s um... That’s my boyfriend,” Faith pointed out as Faust glared ahead.

“That’s your boyfriend? That mean, scary-looking dude with the hair?” Bobby scoffed.

By the time Bobby took another breath, Faust had launched forth with long strides, clearing the cobblestones in a second. His glare burned hotter as he approached them.

“Who are you?” Faust asked Bobby with an air of mocking disinterest.

“Uh—”

“This is my friend from church,” Faith stepped in. “His name’s Bobby.”

Faust narrowed his eyes on the man who was only an inch shorter than himself. “Your friend, huh?” He asked.

“Faust, don’t start. He was just walking me to the bus stop.”

Bobby took a step back, relinquishing the closeness with Faith he had enjoyed for the last half an hour. He’d heard stories of Faust and his buddies, as they had beaten up and antagonized his friends throughout high school. Anyone associated with the church was subject to the circle’s cruelty, and despite Bobby’s size, he was no exception.

“I don’t want to see you sniffing around my girl ever again, you got it, bible-beater?”

Faith frowned as Bobby cowered from Faust’s smouldering contempt. She pushed on his leathered arm and stepped between the two men, glaring up at Faust with her own scorn lighting her features.

“Stop it, Faust! He didn’t do anything. We were going to the same stop, anyway. Stop being such an asshole!”

Faust pushed his jaw forward, swiping his tongue over his teeth as she challenged him. He’d never seen Faith look so angry, and though she was laughably small in comparison, her scowl was enough to make him take a step back.

“Let’s go, Faith,” he muttered.

“No. I’m not going with you. I’m going home,” Faith refused.

“Fine, I’ll drive you,” he insisted.

“No! I’m taking the bus. You can’t return my messages or answer your phone when I call? Then I don’t need your help getting home.”

The city bus pulled around the corner, rumbling to a stop at the depot to pick up the people leaving the mall. Bobby watched, frowning, then looked back at Faith.

“Sorry, Faith. I have to go,” Bobby said.

Faust sneered. “Yeah, get lost. She’s fine.”

“I’m leaving too,” Faith said, turning, shouldering the strap on her purse before stepping away.

Before she crossed the road, Faust stepped in front of her. His expression softened when he noticed hers hadn’t. Faith was angrier than he thought. When he showed up to intercept her, Faust assumed she would drop everything and run into his arms, happy to see him despite the tension he’d allowed to rise. But her disgust was potent. She wasn’t about to be pushed over by his feeble attempt at soothing the situation.

“Don’t,” Faust punctured his firm stance as Bobby crossed without her. “Please.”

“Why would I go with you? You’re not even nice to me. I tried texting and calling you, but I guess you were too busy doing your own thing to care.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you pissed me off!” Faust hammered. “That whole ‘I don’t want my dad to see us together’ was a real dick thing to say.”

Before Faith launched another complaint, she closed her mouth and looked to the ground, then back up, glaring harder. “I said I was sorry. It’s not like you haven’t said awful things before. The only difference is you never apologize for them. I’m just expected to accept your unsolicited opinions about my life and my family.”

Faust offered no rebuttal. The couple stood staring at each other until Faust relented, scooping his hand into her hair to kiss her firmly. He hated that she was right, and he refused to admit it out loud, but the kiss acted as his justification.

It wasn’t good enough for Faith. She pushed him away.

“You can’t just act like a total asshole, then kiss me and expect it all to be okay.”

Faust rolled his eyes to the darkening sky. “What do you expect me to do?”

“Oh, I don’t know. An apology might be a good start.”

“Why would I apologize for you pissing me off?”

“Apologize for making a scene in front of my friend. Apologize for not answering me. Not accepting my apology when I had the maturity to realize I was wrong.”

“All right, well, I’m sorry. Happy? Now, let’s go.”

“No, Faust. I don’t think we should hang out tonight.”

Her refusal hit him hard. Faith always jumped at the chance to spend time together, so her steadfastness came as a shock. His shoulders slumped as he sighed.

“Please,” Faust said.

“Why? You seemed happy ignoring me yesterday.”

“I wasn’t happy. I was upset. What you said really fucked with me. Now, I’m over it, and I want you to spend the night.”

A flicker of sympathy sparked in Faith’s chest. She noticed his green eyes reflecting something she had never seen in him before: sadness. Faust reached out for her hand, and she stared at his outstretched palm, heart aching. Maybe what she said had hurt him more than she realized. She always figured Faust was above such emotions, that the only passion that lived inside of him was menacing anger that only came out when somebody threatened him or his territory. The regret tugging at his mouth proved her theory wrong.

She took his hand and he pulled her close. Streetlights illuminated as the parking lot emptied. Stars poked through the violet sky in clusters. They stood wrapped in each other’s arms for a minute before he held her out before him, staring into her eyes beseechingly.

“If you really don’t want to come over, I’ll take you back to your dorm.”

Faith shivered. When Faust noticed the goosebumps on her arms, he let her go and shrugged out of his jacket. Underneath, he wore a black t-shirt with a severed head spewing forth a waterfall of blood and entrails. The carnage spelled out the name of a band whose logo was utterly unintelligible. She smiled as he swung the heavy leather jacket around her so she could push her arms through the sleeves. The hem ended at her thighs, and only the tips of her middle fingers poked out from the armholes, but it was comfortable despite being several sizes too large for her body.

“Fine. I’ll come over. But I wanna have sex, and I don’t want you to hold back.”

“Faith—”

“Those are my terms. I don’t want you to treat me like a little flower. I want to fuck... hard.”

Faust snorted, biting his bottom lip as he rolled his eyes again. He placed his hand on the leather at her back, guiding her toward the car. “You might regret that request, you know.”

Faith smirked. “We’ll worry about that in the morning.”

#faust x faith #faust stuff #valter skarsgard fanfiction #Valter Skarsgard imagine

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