#and I worry that's gonna be more consistent now that I'm living near family again...))

[astral-athame]

((Okay! Gonna watch this video then do a handful of replies (on here and Rogue's account) before I do other stuff.

I'm currently trying to figure out how to balance things, like the new job, still trying to get things in order (we might have been done unpacking by now but my sister has been almost constantly sick with one thing or another since we moved- one of the joys of living near our niece and nephew during cold and flu season ^^;). I think I'll have both Friday and Monday off, and maybe part / most of next week, too. So that time is going to be split between trying to catch up on some replies and also trying to get at least my bedroom in order since I've been so focused on doing the main rooms ^^;

Love ya'll~))

[alittledoseofchaos]

Clone Colony pt 1

× Not mlb seasons 4-5 or special compliant. × Lore will be sprinkled throught the series, there will be a few things similar to other fics I'm working on (like Marinette and Adrien being trained by some heroes that I'm not gonna outright tell you just yet)

It had taken some time, but two years after Hawkmoth appeared, he was defeated. Adrien and Marinette had never gotten together, after so long pining they had moved on. Adrien was moving to somewhere in the US with his new guardians. Marinette's days now consisted of commissions, occasional patrols and making up for lost time with her friends. It was difficult to have spontaneous friend outings or last minute commissions with her hectic schedule, but she made it work.

Despite this, Marinette did have some free time. It was rare, short and occasionally used to catastrophize, but she did have some. That being said, using her free time over the past couple of months checking on and spending time with a girl a year younger than her was not the plan.

Slowly making more and more time for her was also not part of the plan, neither was starting to mentally call her 'lil sis'.

She had shiny black hair, and wide wonder-filled ocean-blue eyes. She was missing a tooth, but she smiled brightly and unashamedly. She always wore a blue hoodie that dwarfed her, as well as a red beanie. She was just a little too skinny, almost like she was barely having enough food every day. Her name was Ellie.

Ellie loved exploring and Marinette learned that she had moved around a lot. Marinette would patiently listen to Ellie ramble about the cultures, architecture, and people she'd seen. In turn Ellie listened to Marinette talk about fashion for hours on end. Hearing Ellie's stories inspired Marinette, and her rambles gave Ellie a new appreciation for different cultures' clothing.

That being said, finding her park buddy crying by their usual bench really worried Marinette...

Marinette carefully approached the shaking form of Ellie. She crouched in front of the crying girl.

"Ellie, it's me, Marinette." Her voice was quiet and soft, but Marinette saw Ellie stiffen. Marinette looked around the park, and noticed a few kids staring at them. "El, do you want to go somewhere private?"

Ellie peeked up at her. Her head bobbed up and down weakly. Marinette helped Ellie stand, and sent a reassuring smile at the worried kids. (And maybe a tiny glare at the ones laughing.) Marinette wrapped an arm around Ellie slowly, making sure she had plenty of time to pull away. Ellie tensed when she saw the arm; Marinette almost pulled away, until Ellie relaxed against Marinette.

"Do you want to go to Danny's Icecream Parlor, or my house?" Ellie flinched. She hugged Marinette tighter, and Marinette thanked the kwami that she spent so much time as Ladybug comforting people. (And so many akumas slowly having her lungs crushed)

"Your place please." Ellie whispered. They slowly made their way in through the back entrance of the bakery. Marinette led her to the living room. They sat in silence on the white couch for a minute. The sobbing lightened slowly.

"Did you want to talk about it or do you just want hugs?"

Ellie slowly shifted so she could see Marinette's face. After some time she began to talk again.

"I miss them."

"Miss who?" Marinette asked as she rubbed Ellie's shoulder.

"My brother and sister.....thei- our friends." She shut her eyes tightly. A few more tears leaked through her closed eyes. "-and, and I wish...."

Marinette sat patiently. Marinette calmly held Ellie as Ellie sorted through her thoughts. Ellie opened her eyes.

"I wish I had parents o-or a home to return to." The desperation in her voice and longing in her eyes broke Marinette. Ellie didn't stop, couldn't stop once she started. "I- I love traveling, but I hear these peoples' stories and so many of them include family and friends....I can't be near my siblings or friends because it's dangerous....and honestly? There are too many bad memories there."

Ellie took in a deep, shaky breath.

"And there are so many things I don't know or understand and I don't know who to go to. I don't know what to do." She cried in anguish and hugged Marinette harder.

🐞👻🐞👻🐞👻🐞👻🐞👻🐞👻🐞👻🐞👻🐞👻

Thats where Sabine found them several hours later, Marinette tightly hugging a girl she'd never seen before. They slept soundly other than the occasional strained sound or snore from their sleeping bodies. Sabine carefully shook Marinette awake.

"Băobăo¹ who is this?" Sabine asked her sleepy daughter. Weakly, Marinette rose her head and blinked the sleep from her eyes. She looked around the room wearily before understanding lit up her eyes.

"Ellie, the girl from the park...." Marinette's eyes became misty and panicked as she looked up at Sabine. "She- she's homeless maman². She's so scared- and she has nobody! I- I didn't realize, why didn't I realize?"

Sabine placed a hand on Marinette's shoulder.

"Băobăo, breathe. Sometimes these things aren't obvious." Sabine soothed as she kneeled in front of Marinette and the still sleeping Ellie.

"But I'm-" Marinette started before trailing off.

'I'm Ladybug. I'm supposed to help people.' She thought forlornly.

"Just because you're her friend, doesn't mean you'll know everything." Sabine gently reminded her. Marinette sighed and swallowed thickly.

"I know, but how do I help? Do you think the Happyfeets will take in Ellie after they already took in Adrien?" Marinette asked. Sabine sighed.

"Marinette, I don't think the 'Happyfeets', as you put it, can take in every stray person you emotionally adopt as your own." Sabine lifted an eyebrow at Marinette. Sabine saw her daughter deflate and her heart broke. "We'll do everything we can to help her."

".....Can't we take her in?" Marinette asked hopefully. She sent pleading eyes towards Sabine. Sabine gave Marinette a sympathetic look.

"We don't have enough room, and you know it....we can let her stay on the couch for now, but she needs her own space and stability."

Sabine thought she'd gotten through to her daughter until a familiar determined spark lit up her bluebell eyes.

"We could share my room!" She declared. Sabine was baffled.

"You'd have to give up some of your space and privacy."

"Helping Ellie is more important." Marinette insisted, though there was a slight hesitation. Sabine huffed in exasperation. She turned towards Tom as he came up the stairs. She waved for him to come over.

"Tom, talk some sense into our daughter." After catching Tom up to speed, he couldn't help but agree with Marinette.

"YES!" Marinette shouted, wincing when Ellie shifted. Tom chuckled.

"Tom, are you sure this is best?" Sabine asked sternly. Tom's chuckles turned more awkward.

"We're always telling her to help others!" He defended. Sabine shook her head. Her mouth ticked upwards despite her slight displeasure.

"IF Ellie wants to, we can try." Marinette fist pumped and smiled gratefully at her maman. Tom cheered and picked Sabine up to twirl her around. Tom went silent when it began to look like Ellie was going to wake up. Gently, Tom pried Marinette away from Ellie.

"Thanks, papá³." Marinette whispered. Everyone turned back to Ellie when she whimpered and curled into a tight ball. An idea struck Marinette and she dashed upstairs. Tom and Sabine exchanged looks. When she returned she held a Ladybug doll that she placed between Ellie's arms.

"We should all go to sleep." Sabine suggested, before she turned to Marinette, "which means you aren't working on any commissions or anything else."

Marinette huffed. She reluctantly headed to bed after giving Tom and Sabine hugs goodnight.

"She sure is a load of trouble." Tom said with a grin as he wrapped an arm around Sabine.

"A load of trouble I'm proud of," Sabine said as she turned to her husband, "but she'd be a lot less trouble if you stopped siding with her..."

"I'm not taking anyone's side!" Sabine shook her head fondly. Husband and wife headed to bed, each mulling over the day's events.

¹Băobăo: baby in Mandarin can be used for one's children or romantic partner

²Maman: French for mom/mother.

³Papá: Italian for father

^(based on multiple sites, if wrong please correct me, this is going to be the case for all translations)

I just think Marinette knows random words/phrases/habits/customs from all the cultures she's been exposed to and researches her heritage when she actively thinks about it or how little she knows (which is rare because she is so busy and chaotic).

[stormbornbastard]

Daenerys Targaryen Rant

Look, I'm new to the GOT fandom and being on Tumblr overloads with you a lot of information at once. This fandom, is like the definition of toxic and for what? Ships? I have to laugh.

I'm only gonna address one thing but believe me, I've got a list so let's do this shit.

One thing I've noticed is the overwhelming hate against Daenerys Targaryen, for her cruelty and impulsiveness in some of her actions. In no way do I agree with all of them but I refuse to reduce her complex character and story buildup to that of a villain or a mad queen.

Daenerys has simultaneously figured out to be loved and feared all at once by her people which is fucking amazing. She was not born with the same training to rule as other highborns. She was not given some handbook on how to be the perfect fucking queen for the people and herself. She makes mistakes and acts impulsively but not at all times and the times she has, she's paid for them greatly and if she hasn't learned from them now, she will. Its trial and error with her, it's the only path of ruling and conqueror she has.

By no means do her mistakes outweigh her good deeds. Daenerys has done questionable things for her claim to the throne but honestly at this point, who hasn't? (Jon isn't aware of his claim so just don't)

She's not just some benevolent and perfect ruler who shows mercy to all and does nothing wrong. You wanna know why? Because that ruler doesn't exist. No real person is capable enough to do that because real people are flawed and since GOT tries to reflect real people in their characters, Daenerys is flawed too.

Those flaws do not make her incompetent enough to rule nor do they take away all that she fought to overcome and gain (screw anyone who thinks that shit was just handed to her, her name didn't mean shit. The Targaryens had been discarded before her and the name and entitlement can only get one so far, look at Viserys for example if you need to)

A lot of people want her to be more compassionate and empathetic with her enemies and people who pose a threat but why should she? Her enemies have never been compassionate and empathetic with her. Daenerys was raised with cruelty, she was only shown cruelty by all those who were supposed to love her which is why I believe she has no problem being cruel to those who pose a threat. It's all she's knew, the cruelty others for a very long time. As much as you wanna discard her backstory, its integral to shaping the person she is.

We have seen her ability to grow as a character and show more than the death and destruction that Targaryens have left behind. She cannot learn all the capabilities of a kind and good queen when she has rarely known kindness and goodness herself. But she is growing, her sacrificing a dragon who she considered a child of her own in an effort to help defend the north against the white walkers (without Jon bending the knee first) shows her ability to put people before her own political even fucking personal interest. (Another impulsive action that she paid/ will pay for and fucking learned/will learn from. Also can we acknowledge the fact that instead of holding animosity towards Jon for the death of her dragon like she could've, she empathizes with him and instead wants to help him destroy the night king BEFORE he bends the knee all while grieving her fucking child! Dany had no indication that he would bend the knee if she helped him, none. Yet she still wanted to help him destroy the night king and protect the north and it's people regardless!)

A lot of people have ridiculously high expectations of her even though when she started the show, she had no political experience, no good social experience, no military experience, no experiences one needs to rule. Yet she gained them (she wasn't given some wise person along her entire path to help her do it either) and she gained a council of people to advise her and that she trusts with her life to become a better fucking queen and to give her knowledge when she lacks it because she knows she doesn't know everything about ruling. She's aware of almost all of her flaws and she's worked to improve on them. She's not the second coming of Robb Stark (we all wish he was still here) but she is Daenerys motherfucking Targaryen and that means something and not because of her ancestry.

Do I want her to receive the iron throne? Fuck no. I hope its destroyed along with the wheel.

Do I think she doesn't deserve to be a queen? Fuck no, she's earned it.

So stop discrediting her and fixating on her bad qualities when there is so much more of her to see.

And for fucks sakes, stop pitting her and Sansa Stark against one another. They both are remarkable fucking women who have coped with terrible shit to become who they are and they're situations as rulers are rarely the same. Most of y'all are hating on one of them because she gets in the way of a ship and its pathetic.

Sansa helps protect and maintain the north as ruler and was born a Stark which means something there and gives her some kind of respect. Dany is a fucking ruler and conqueror and the Targaryen name held nothing but negative connotations of destruction, failure and death in GOT society before her, she is consistently judged by the sins of her family. She's not familiar with every land she plans to control but she wants to be, wants to be a voice for the people and those who are oppressed just as she was. Conquering and ruling a new kingdom and ruling a well established one that you grew up in (therefore she's familiar with customs, the people and ways of life in the north) is nowhere near the same thing.

I'm not discrediting Sansa, I love her and she's an amazing ruler but she had some aspects afforded to her that Daenerys doesn't.

I know she's got an ego but shit, if I had done the things she did and overcome the things she has, my head would either be too fucking big to fit through my front door or I would've offed myself before Dany gained her first dragons (I honestly don't know if I would've had the strength to get past that point).There is no question about her strength and resilience because she's got a fuck ton of it.

One more thing, after Jon bends the knee and she says "I hope I deserve it!" THAT SHIT! THAT NEEDS TO BE FUCKING TALKED ABOUT! Dany isn't as collected as she paints herself to be, she doubts her actions just as everyone does theirs but she does it in secret. She's just not in a position to be open about her insecurities and doubts which is why she doesn't show them to anyone. She's never really been. Dany has never had family who genuinely and unconditionally loved her like the Starks have their entire lives. She has never had the comfort of confiding in someone like they have or trusting someone the way they do. Even now, the people who love her mostly love her for what she can offer them and what she represents, not who she is. She's always relied on herself for that which is probably why she's not as open and vulnerable as people would like her to be. It could even be said without all she represents or her dragons or her power, no one would love her.

She's grown up without it. Abuse taking its place, she would have no one without her claim. The starks would have each others which is why I think she holds onto it and enforces so much. Her claim has given her people who love her, the things she can offer have given her the people that love her. That sucks but it what it is.

Her questioning her ability to rule, her insecurity shows that she will not let her pride and ego get in the way of being a good queen if she gains the seven kingdom. Just because she exerts confidence does not mean she is overconfident or stuck in the belief of her entitlement to the throne. She worries she will not be the queen the seven kingdoms need which is exactly why she could be. Because those thoughts will keep her vigilant and attentive to all the shit she's needs to get done once she's no longer prioritized with conquering.

And to address her motives, or what I believe are her motives, Dany likes power. Why is that a bad thing? For a long period in life, she was considered weak and powerless, a pawn for those with power. She knows what it means to suffer (the death of her family, her husband [Stockholm syndrome but let me not start because she did love him], her only child Rhaego, and her dragon who she loves like a child, being raped, etc.) She knows it and she will never allow herself to be powerless again, she will never allow herself to be weak (I'm pretty sure she associates vulnerability with weakness at this point) in the face of threats, potential allies and the suffering of her, her people or both.

Why is that a bad thing? For her to be powerful, because that's what she equates it with strength. Power keeps her from weakness and I think it's why she strives for as much as possible so that she will never know that feeling of powerlessness again and so that her people who depend on her will never know suffering at the hands of the powerful again. It's not because of her "selfish belief that she deserves it." She wants it and forced herself to belief she's entitled and deserves it because while on the throne, she can secure protection from those who would do the horrific things she's endured and seen with that power to those without it.

She may result to cruelty when needed but that does not make her an evil person/ruler (yes I know about the Tarlys who refused to bend the knee for her. She made a power move, seeing as there were witnesses and the men who witnessed could see her not delivering on her threat of death as a weakness and eventually try and move against her, and she killed them. Now they all know she means fucking business. Also the Tarlys betrayed House Targaryen and Tyrell and were responsible for the death of thousands of Tyrell men. This is all Daenerys know of them, why do ya'll just ignore that. You act like Dany killed an innocent or someone she had a strong emotional attachment to but that's not the case. Her action was a strategic, political move and they chose to defy her when she gave them a choice) It wasn't right but it instilled fear, she cannot rule with just love. You can love someone and still plot against them, if people fear the consequences of what could happen if they fail, it'll hold them back. She needs both fear and love to rule. Loved enough to fight for her, feared enough to not move against her.

It's one a.m. but I had to get this off my chest, so yeah, I'm done.

[ansonmount]

I seriously think I might be depressed and/ or have anxiety. I have never been to a therapist and I can't talk about this to my friends (they barely are my friends anymore) so I'm kinda worried it's gonna get worse. I'm afraid to go to a therapist because I don't know what to tell them and what if they brush it off or they diagnose me wrongly.

It’s common to get both anxiety and depression. I have major depression and generalised anxiety disorder along with borderline personality disorder so i can relate. 

But seriously, start therapy and or meds as soon as you can. Because things can get worse. I struggled with my mental illness from about the age of ten till i was like 18 and a half.  and thats a long time to go without support of any kind. Honestly, it was too long to wait. I think dealing with my issues alone for like the entirety of my teenage years actually fucked me pretty hard. 

Is misdiagnosis possible? Yes. Everything is possible. But you can’t let that rule you. If you have the choice, you can search the doctors you’ll see. If you dont feel a diagnosis is right, you can always seek a 2nd or 3rd opinion. Sometimes you do end up self diagnosing, esp if you have something a bit more than just normal depression or anxiety - in fact I was the one that realised my bpd, but I struggled to get doctors to listen to me, so i said fuck it, and emailed a local psychologist and got an appointment and within 6 months she confirmed it for me. I still see her now two years after because she’s such a stable and consistant person in my life - like I’ve missed one appointment in 2 years. And im a chronic cancel-er of appointments. 

There’s a few things about seeking help or therapy, and these two things are: you can leade a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. Therapy is hard work. I can’t gloss over how important it is but it’s so hard, esp when you have trauma, but recovery will always be worth it. It’s not linear and there will be moments, I mean I’ve been in therapy t various degrees since 2014, and I was suicidal, again, last night. The second thing is honesty. Therapy is hard enough, but when you refuse to let yourself open up because you’re anxious or something, it defeats the point of going to therapy. If you feel like you need therapy or help, it should be a priority to open up to whoever you see, because you’ll be living your truth finally and dropping the “nothings wrong” mask because thats what allows depression and other mental illnesses to thrive. 

If people ever give you shit for being mentally ill: Well you know where the trash bin is, because you absolutely do not need toxic people like that in your life. The thing is, for not knowing what to say…say everything. Often they’ll ask things like when are you born, your address, your family history. And then from there, they’ll start to make notes. In my experience, you talk. about everything and anything. I’m at the point in my therapy I talk about big shit, and then the next moment I’m going on about how much I love Cody Fern. Like esp once you have a good relationship with a therapist or psychologist, just talking about everything helps. Like this person isn’t going to be your best friend, but they’re there for you to just rant to. I actually believe everyone should be in therapy. Because aving a 3rd person to ask about things, like how your best friend hurt you, or if you’re having self-esteem issues, all of that is so important to talk about. I feel like im just rambling, but seriously, try and seek someone out. Don’t let depression and anxiety rule your life.For more context, from mid 2012 to the start of 2014, I actually spent all that time housebound. I never left the house. I only left to see the doctor and my boyfriend had to go with me. I couldn’t eat in public. I felt like everyone was watching me. I’d have near panic attacks just being on one of the busiest streets in my city. The reality? No one was looking at me. No one cared. But in my mind, I believed they did. I dont remember people i see on the street? why did i think people would remember me or my fat ass??? But thats the thing about anxiety, is that you truely believe these things, and its not easy to overcome that on your own. These days I barely leave the house but thats because throughout all my health issues, from when I was 16, I actually developed chronic fatigue syndrome, so these days, my anxiety is barely an issue, the cfs can fuck off though. 

So you are not alone at all. There will always be someone who understands. But do try to seek help because living with these demons alone isn’t something anyone should feel like they’re stuck doing. If you ever need positive mental health things to look at, I have this tag: https://codylangdon.tumblr.com/tagged/positive