#and I wanted to reassure people that my openness is well within my boundaries

[threadsun]

I don’t know what’s hotter, this ramen I’m eating or my face! 😂 I’ll just say it’s the ramen jussst to be cheeky about it (*'▽'*) So um, I’d never, like EVER say I’m a needy little masochist or a slutty little nympho, but like, if I WAS then MAYBE what I’d say your absolutely correct and read me like a book. But I’m not, so I won’t! ;P Fun fact though, did you know when I was younger, I LOVED playing as a kidnapped princess and would tie myself up to the pole at my old home. Like, I would BEG to be tied up because I enjoyed it so much. It sounds really weird in that context, but old habits die hard and I still love dressing like a princess.

I’m gonna go on limb here and say “Why not both?” 😂 Hopefully I’ll get to be your friend in time AND you get money. It’s a win-win! But then again though, it might be hard to form any kind of friendship when all you know about me is that I’m a kinky mfer who uses a pumpkin emoji and loves ghost tiddie men (I mean MDHM is also great too, but my hyper fixation those blinders on me man) so there’s that. ._. I mean, you don’t even know if I’m supposed to be a spooky pumpkin or a pumpkin that turns into a carriage! I completely understand my guy. I wouldn’t be a decent business administration major if I was just like “GIVE ME ALL THE GOODS!” But damn, those are some damn good marketing skills you got here. Ironically though, I used be a vocal major, so you could say I’m a bit of a pro when it comes to anything vocal based~ ;3

It definitely did feel out of nowhere, especially with that afterlife episode (legit finally PLAYED the game instead of watching walkthroughs online last night, but I didn’t see the afterlife part until yesterday). My brain figured after seeing it that maybe he still felt so insecure and unwanted that he fell into the affair so he could forget everything for one night. Feeling like he’s replaceable, subconsciously it’d be almost like a test to see if M/C would really be willing to stick through it all despite what his mother implies (only being good enough if he has money since he looked ugly in his mom’s perspective), but realizing what he’s done, he desperately apologizes. Of course this mostly changed once I read what you thought the reason could be. I think he’d be too scared to upset anyone to do something harmful so that’s why I agree with your theory.

OOOOO! WOOF! Love IT! Think m/c is gonna be stuck doing lots of doggy style and mating presses in that firehouse. Lots of bones to suck on there. But just imagine how often you’d be pulled into the back of the fire truck on a slow day. Being put into degrading positions because puppy was just so bad today. Getting so used to responding to certain commands that the moment one of the guys says it, you instinctively do it. Jack always calling you a good puppy anytime you react positively to his pleasurable touches, so the moment he states, “Awww, you’re SUCH a good puppy for me, aren’t you sunshine? Yes you are!” And you just becoming immediately aroused. He acts so innocent about it too, squishing your cheeks in between his giant hands while your eyes cloud over in lust. That hypnokink post you made before can be thanked for that thought! Lol So hot~! FREAKING YES TO THE KITTY/PUPPY PIN UP CALENDAR!! It’d be funny if someone flips through the different months seeing all the cute animals being held by the guys, until one picture of has you being held in dog ears with instead. The person just squints at the photo and is like “There’s no animals here!” 😂 Freaking going FULL ON MONKE mode at the thought of rough brat taming Jack and the outlaw Joesph x Zander fic! Like YUM! OOOOO That sounds real nice! So you basically saying it smells like Alan? 😂 He got that campfire smell going, but I burn smudging sticks made from sage so I could imagine it! And I definitely could see Ian smelling like that too! Glad to see that you have also been blessed with experiencing the smell of Obsession. I swear that stuff is ADDICTING 😂 Add a little sugar to that grapefruit and you got the perfect scent recipe for Jack!

Ohoho~ Now, I’m a fan of temperature play (ice cubes, warming and cooling lubes, etc), but I’ve ALWAYS wondered what it’d feel like to do wax play. Don’t they have one’s with essential oils too so they smell nice on your skin? My brain always thought you’d get like third degree burns from it so I’d squirm uncomfortably at the thought (same with electricity), but like, they have ones that are hot, but WON’T send you to the hospital?

Also on a side note, I hope I didn’t cause any discourse here within the community because of my very blatant flirting. Definitely not my intentions and I figured if I made you or your spouse uncomfortable, you’d tell me! So I apologize if I made anyone on here upset, worried, or uncomfortable because of how blunt I’m being here. I’ve never really had a safe space to flirt comfortably or discuss sex outside of romantic relationships, so I guess I went a bit overboard! I’m still gonna keep doing what I have been, the moment you tell me I’ve went too far, I’ll stop. I’m all about that good ol’ fashion communication and I know your profession requires it to be respectful and safe, so I know you’ll do it when you feel like you need to and I’ll do the same! 😊

-🎃

Oh of course, no one would ever say that about you! No one would ever say you're a submissive little ropebunny who wants to be wanted so badly someone kidnaps you. You definitely don't want to be a mean dom's pretty princess who they tie up and abuse. That would be ridiculous!

Who knows? I've got a few friends who started off sending me anon messages on my main blog, so anything's possible! But I'm also a professional, so I'll certainly be reserving freebies for those closest to me~

Yeah, exactly!! Like I just can't imagine the same Ian from both Afterlife and those pathetic voicemails being the kind of person who sleeps with someone to test you. That's far too... idk bold? He's the sort of guy who never wants to test his partner because he's so afraid they'll leave at the slightest thing. He already doesn't think he's worthy of them. The only way I can see him cheating is if he thought things were already basically over/they'd cheated first.

Oh yesssssss conditioning like that is so good!!! Jack definitely enjoys making people associate innocent phrases with him fucking their brains out so that every time he slips it into casual conversation, they melt a little bit and start thinking about his cock~ The whole lot of them would enjoy taking turns with the station puppy, definitely!! Lots of getting fucked in the back of the fire trucks... And god the punishments would be so good....

I'm hype to write both of them!! Just need to make myself focus enough to properly write them, but once I do it's over for you >:3c but yes!!! All of those sound right to me in terms of the way they'd all smell!! Ian would lean more floral than Alan I think, but other than that a similar sort of smoky scent~

Waxplay is great!! Different types of wax melt at different temperatures, so some are cool enough to be body safe while others will cause dangerous burns. But if you get candles specifically for waxplay then they won't burn you. You can also get massage candles that have essential oils and stuff and smell really nice, and they basically melt into a hot massage oil you can pour on your partner~ Electricity is also fun and not particularly dangerous if you know what you're doing! I love a good violet wand~

Oh no, don't worry!! No one said anything, I just figured I'd mention it in case people were worried I wouldn't assert boundaries if I needed to. I always ask Moon before flirting with people, and I'm certainly having fun~ So definitely no need to be sorry or tone it down! I'll let you know if it ever goes too far, and I trust you'll do the same 💙 and in the meantime, I'll keep teasing you for being too needy to be a brat~

[blorbosinmyheadcentral]

your art makes me explode in a positive way like

im chewing and swallowing it in an aggressive way like

it's just SO good im melting ilove your shading and KEHEKEBEKJDJF

anwayshi hello do you happen to have any headcanons for showtime rolls on the floor and dies

Thank you so much, really appreciate it!

Oh God I don't know if this will read as coherent because my thoughts about Showtime are all over the place. But I'll try to format this the best I can

✨Showtime HCs! ✨

Their relationship starts when they start spending time together.

(The reason why they do so could vary. In Supervised Machine Learning's case, Pomni becomes something of a "tutor" to Caine; They discover that they work well together, and the other's company can be quite pleasant!).

So Pomni and Caine build a weird, but comforting friendship, and all is well.

Then the feelings appear.

Caine is the first to realize he fell in love.

It sounds illogical but hear me out… it'd be really funny--

Ok no seriously I think Caine can actually feel. Keyword "can". He's very much still a machine and it shows in the pilot. But like his inspiration (AM), Caine is also a rogue AI. Whatever his programming originally intended him to do, he probably doesn't follow it as closely now as back when he was created (which is a whole other post).

Caine knows what love is and the extend it can go, since the Moon is so open about her feelings. He just doesn't like the Moon back specifically haha (sorry Moon) :}

All this to say, I do believe this is within the realm of possibility for him. (Not that it's ever gonna happen towards anyone in the show. These are just wishful shippy thoughts).

He might not recognize it as love at first, because it manifests in such a different way from his one reference point.

His friendship with Pomni had gone through phases.

When they first met, he continuously touched her with no concern for how she felt.

Learning from and about Pomni herself led him to come to respect her boundaries (and becoming mindful of everyone else's).

Then they're close friends, and gradually, Pomni does not mind his regular wacky, touchy-feely self. So Caine acts as he had always done before.

Caine expresses his love for Pomni with physical gestures and his undivided attention.

When they teleport to travel to other places, he holds her close so she doesn't get too dizzy; he pats her head to reassure her; he touches her arm to get her attention; he grabs her hands when he's excited about her ideas; he holds eye contact for prolonged periods of time; and he touches, and touches, and touches, and touches.

It's selfish, and so he keeps it buried in his deepest 0's and 1's. But he'd like to keep hanging out with Pomni, having her in his sight, and feel the texture of her gloved hands until the end of time.

Despite all this, to him, virtually nothing changed.

What? He's spending time with Pomni as he'd always been doing, and behaving as he'd always behaved!

It's Bubble of all people that has to point out that, "Hey boss. I think you WANT her!"

Absurd. Nonsense. Preposterous! It is merely a relationship of mutual support and affection between a ringmaster and his trusted, former-human companion. Nothing more.

(Declaring his love to her unprompted didn't ever cross his mind, so there's no way it could be that. Is there?)

Caine finds out that yes, there is.

Pomni had always been a nervous wreck, but her mind state becomes more manageable over time. She eventually adjusts to the circus life like everyone else did.

"Accepting" her fate is a different story. The will to escape, to remember, never really leaves. She's just more careful about it.

So when she starts working with Caine - to improve life so people don't go abstracting anymore, and hopefully find a definitive exit - she's not expecting to end up liking her time with him.

Not that she'd absolutely hate it, either. He's… "okay"… Just-- outlandish, loud, he keeps invading her personal space, he keeps touching her, and it makes her die a little every time.

If he's up to listening, though… it can't be that bad, right?

Turns out that no, it wasn't that bad.

Yes, he is outlandish, loud, he keeps invading her personal space and touching her. But she explains what she means to him, clearly and patiently, and he makes an effort to do better. An actual effort.

Sometimes he'd misinterpret what she meant - the ambiguity of human language - and the new games would go horribly. But little by little, his efforts make life overall better. Something reminiscent of actual, real life, the one they've all forcibly left behind.

And he tries, and he tries, and Pomni finds herself enjoying the process as much as the good results.

Pomni likes Caine's eagerness to learn. His enthusiastic attitude borders on silly, and the absurdity makes her laugh on occasion. When faced with the prospect of a "real" exit, she loves his upbeat optimism.

When she's not hanging out with Ragatha, Jax, Gangle, Zooble and Kinger, she begins to enjoy spending quality time with Caine.

Each one of their hang outs is a new surprise. They make a picnic in the tallest mountain exactly in between day and night. They learn to dance - while floating in the air. "Since you asked, here's a DIGITAL camera! Let's take pictures of the Void for one tenth of a second at a time!"

Sometimes he just comes by Pomni's room, and they end up losing track of time. Just chatting about how things have been, what they could be, and what to do next. Ideas and ideas and ideas.

Before Pomni knows it, she's comfortable enough that recalling his old habits makes her not dread them anymore. So when Caine stands close and lightly touches her arm due to oversight, she makes sure he knows it's all right.

And they keep spending time together, and he touches, and touches, and touches her. Pomni, in turn, feels lighter, and lighter, and lighter. Peaceful, at ease. Dare she say, happy, even.

Life is not perfect. As it stands though, it's good enough. No one has abstracted. No one is at risk of abstracting so far.

Progress is slow, but the research for an exit continues, and she is hopeful. The thought of actually leaving grows closer to reality. But a part of her feels heavy.

When it occurs to Pomni that leaving the Amazing Digital Circus means leaving Caine behind, she is alarmed by how much she'll miss him.

It'll hurt. Badly. So much the thought pains her even now.

The moment Pomni realizes this, she comes to the unexpected conclusion that she may like Caine a little more than she thought she would.

This later leads to an interesting discussion with Ragatha.

By the time Pomni comes to that conclusion, Caine is already down bad.

Neither has any idea that the other is in love with them.

Cue dumbasses trying to deal with their feelings while the potential conflict the escape brings looms over their heads.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk!

[lalasworld2x]

Modern Jekyll and Hyde x Reader

• Henry would be very ashamed of his vice. He’d constantly hide from you when he gets the urge to drink the drug, not wanting you to notice his struggles. He’d need constant reassurance that he’s doing good and that he’s not a bad person, even if it’s not exactly true.

• Hyde is definitely a very selfish person, he’s probably super bitchy in an every day setting.

• Jekyll would never even think about looking at another person, never mind cheating on you. Hyde on the other hand… he would probably go straight for some random prostitute then throw himself back like, “Wait, would Y/N kill me for this?”

• I’m sorry but Hyde is a bit of a gooner 🙁🙁 I don’t suggest checking his search history…

• Lots of cute gifts like flowers, jewellery, perfume/cologne, or just anything you like! Yes, even Hyde would do this for you. He would probablyyyy just put a lot less effort and money into these gifts… and he would also probably forget the things that you like very often…

• Hyde would actually probably bring back some strange trinkets he finds. Like bones, dirty bits of broken machinery, teeth, broken jewellery parts, feathers, stuff like that. It probably wouldn’t be much of a gift for you but a little collection for the both of you to enjoy.

• Jekyll is so respectful of you as a person and just everything about you. He respects your personal space, your boundaries, your emotions, your values.

• Jekyll can be a bit oblivious sometimes. Any kind of flirting or sarcasm and it gone straight over his head. He’ll only understand it later when Hyde has taken over 😕

• Definitely both dog people but I’m sure they wouldn’t mind any other pet that you suggested. I think Hyde’s favourites would be snakes, rats, spiders, or any other kind of exotic pet. Jekyll would be open to anything within reason. But his fav would probably be cats or birds or anything interesting that you could sit and watch for hours.

• Jekyll likes the warmth and gets cold very easy. Hyde likes the cold and gets hot very easy. Expect to have a shit ton of blankets during winter and basically one sheet during summer.

• Hyde will do everything in his power to fluster you but sometimes it just makes him like silly lol

• You will probably find Hyde during some interesting things around the house. You can decide for yourself what that means. His response to you questioning him would be, “What? It’s our house. If someone looks in then that’s their problem 🙄”

• Jekyll will search up many cute date ideas for you two to go on

• Jekyll is actually a little bit of a famous doctor. Or at least famous in his field. Sometimes the two of you will get stopped in the street and have someone tell him, “Oh my gosh I’m a big fan of your work!!”

• Watching the actual transition between Jekyll and Hyde can be a bit disturbing so they will leave the room just for your convenience.

• Hyde likes to complain A LOT so expect to take care of him when he’s hurting or sick 🤒

• Hyde doesn’t work but he’s not gonna stop you from working. Jekyll makes plenty of money and you have found ways so that it’s guaranteed Hyde will never be a permanent being.

• Henry keeps himself very well groomed and keeps up with his hygiene perfectly. Edward doesn’t cut his nails, lets his hair grow freely, forgets he needs to wash his hair, needs to be reminded to brush his teeth, etc. Although when it comes to you, he will remind you to take your medication or take care of yourself because he does actually care about you (he’s just a bit mean about it lol).

• When I say Hyde doesn’t have a job, I don’t mean he’s a basement dwelling bum. He sleeps a lot but he does a lot around the house. He’ll help you with chores or keep gardening in check or he’ll fix stuff around the house that needs fixing. Sometimes you wish they were split in two so you could have both of them helping you out lol.

• Many parties and dinners with their friends. I imagine that in modern times, Jekyll wouldn’t have a butler or maids but he would still have a friend named Mr Poole lol.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This might be major mischaracterisation, I’m sorry 💔💔

Masterlist

[monvenusblg]

Let’s talk Onychomancy

The magic of manifesting desires and dreams via your fingertips! I’m analyzing my newest set as an example on how I read intention and energy in manicures

The Million Dollar Baby Nails 👁️💰💅🏻

The intention was simply feminine glam. The resulted energy is Lilith. Specifically, her presence in my 10th house. My nail set express the necessity of inner power and secret wisdom from within to navigate this personal realm of experience.

Mainly I wanted a set that conveys high maintenance, supportive in upholding my standards regardless of what others might say. The square shaped tip - resembling earth element, represent my focus on experiencing abundance via a detached and luxurious energy. The stiletto arch - most watery and Yin in shape, shows my femininity and intuition. Since the black square tips acts as a safe container. It shows what I find valuable and like to protect. Silver glitter enhance Yin glamour and the accented nail base emphasize that this energy should be experience in a tangible, material way.

Protection? Hmm..if so, the overall design endangers the entire mission. This is something I didn’t realize until I begin writing this post. The stiletto sharp arches pierce through its container, echoing the mythic phrase of “piercing through the High Priestess veil” . What was once a clear boundary is now peeled open. I feel there is something impure and forbidden about them 👄 If the priestess is a keeper of wisdom old these nails alludes that she holds the key to opulence and feminine glamour. The nude base (I choose a shade closes to my natural flush) reveals that this knowledge rests deep within her skin. It’s less chaste; more sexy, expensive and has its own kind of power. Its very Lilith 🍎

“May my innate sex appeal brings me opportunities that aligns with my desires and my most regal self” 🪬

Having Lilith sits at the most visible point in a woman’s natal chart makes her immense personal power both vilified and admired by others. Some astrologers like to describe Lilith in the 10th house or Lilith closely aspecting MC as the ultimate “sugar baby” placement. Lilith’s desire for power finds support in the house that values reputation, honour, esteem, fame, wealth. She’s attracted to her standing at the top and with this placement, she excels at reaching it through domination and control over her public image. She emits a strong essence that often deters from the norm. While this first repel others, as she release feelings of shame and guilt around her authentic and sexual expression, she’ll begin to magnetize desires and people to her with ease.

My new set feels like an initiation into integrating more of Lilith’s energy: honoring the instinctual, wild and sexual. Finding an outlet to channel this source of energy into empowerment and self mastery. The high priestess archetype brings balance to Lilith’s raw and visible sexuality: reassuring me that in the path towards prosperity , I can trust in the guidance of my inner wisdom. At this time, it’s okay to keep my secrets and remain secure in my own mystery.

This set feels like a call to step into self-validation. To recognize the value that lies in the strength and beauty of my spirit. There’s no need for others watchful eyes to bestow worth and value on my name or work. This is exactly the mindset I like to honour right now. Trust that I deserve the blessings I have and will continue to experience.

@/1111jennx has a beautiful post on Lilith in the 10th house. I don’t think I can iterate the depth of this placement as well as she had. Please do read her post if you resonate or share this placement.

[sungodded]

"It is not kindness that I speak, but honesty." He made to reassure her. At this point, after billions of years, Koyash wasn't even sure if he could pretend to be anything else but himself, to not always speak with a sense of truth. The biggest lies he ever told were the few occasions when he may try and deny what he was if someone found out and didn't take it well. Even then, all he needed to do was leave and simply let whispers about the Gods being on Earth trickle here and there. In this day in age, who would believe someone stood on a street screaming at the world that Gods walked amongst them and how many would simply walk passed them, ignore them, without a second thought?

Yet as Annie spoke of her mother, what she was like, the Sun God couldn't help but keep that gentle smile of his. "You are no fool, Annie. I promise you." He told her adamantly. "It simply shows that you care. Perhaps one day she will understand. Perhaps not. But the fault is not yours. You're keeping the door open for her, now, it's for her to decide whether or not to step through it." He found himself laughing a little once he finished, not at Annie, of course, but at himself. "My apologies, I don't mean to burden you with my own personal philosophy." At the end of it all, he just wanted to help while remaining within the boundaries set for him by his parents.

"An alarming thought... not knowing what abilities will manifest. Much like... a gamble?" Then again, he liked to think that all life on Earth was something of a gamble in the grand scheme of things. With him cheering on their side from the sidelines. "But why? Why create these 'supes' at all if not to aid mankind and protect them?" Maybe that was his own personal bias coming into view. He liked to help people, even animals, often being found on an empty street in the middle of winter on a bitterly cold night, cradling a stray pup in his arms as other animals were drawn to his being like a magnet, keeping warm on his very presence.

Would Annie believe him if he told her? "Very well..." He paused for a moment, his gaze straying off to the side as if apprehensive about her reaction. "I'm a God."

        Hazelnut eyes cast downwards at Annie’s feet. Honestly, after all she had struggled with lately – a stranger’s compassion felt foreign. “You are very kind.” Finally, she lifted her head when he made an inquiry about her mother. The person who hurt her in so many ways – but she still could not help but love. “My relationship with my mother has been strained for a while. At first when I realized she cared more about getting what she wanted from my fame…. than my feelings. When I found out she gave me Compound V for self-serving reasons, I could barely look at her. Even when I try to connect with her now – she cares more about herself and her problems. With seemingly little concern for me and what I’m going through. Even so, I can’t stop loving her. Perhaps I’m foolish.” No matter how much Donna hurt her, she couldn’t help but be concerned for her wellbeing.

          “Why wouldn’t I believe you?” Annie eyed Koyash curiously. What could have been so spectacular that she would scoff at after all she’d seen. “Yes, there is a range of abilities that a person can have. Some people acquire abilities that are detrimental to themselves and others.” Even Annie’s own abilities had caused another’s pain before she fully learned how to control them. “When you inject a child with Compound V, you have no idea what kind of powers will manifest. What the consequences will be. Thankfully I’ve been mostly lucky.” 

        Eyebrows raised when Koyash mentioned that there could trouble for the planet if someone were to kill him. Annie’s head cocked to the side, as she offered him a small smile. With all she had witnessed, almost nothing seemed impossible. Even if she currently struggled with her faith – what she’d seen science do would have once been considered unbelievable. “You keep saying that I would not believe you, that your answers seem impossible. Try me. I like to consider myself pretty open minded.”

[theyilinglaozus]

So apparently, me seeing gifsets lately is pushing the meta writing agenda in my brain a lot, as I just saw this lovely set by @ahxuholics, and am once again hit by the pain train that is Wenzhou.

Just thinking about Zhou Zishu, and how his thoughts on Wen Kexing being so secretive / hiding things from him probably hurts him more the further he allows himself to get closer to him.

Because at first Zhou Zishu didn’t want to get close to anyone else again. He was ready to just fade away, forgotten to the world. But it was the people like Wen Kexing, Zhang Chengling and Gu Xiang who dragged him back from the shadows and into the light, who made him want to live again. Wen Kexing especially. And throughout their journey we see Zhou Zishu slowly learn to open up and trust again ... but we also see Wen Kexing holding back for a long while. 

Zhou Zishu is a smart, clever man. He has had to be, to survive. He knows Wen Kexing is hiding the truth from him and he accepts it, because he hopes Wen Kexing will find the comfort and confidence to tell him those truths himself one day. But as their connection to one another grows and Zhou Zishu starts falling for him, how often do you think he feels hurt by Wen Kexing when he lies, or diverts a question, or shuts down a conversation when it gets a little too close to his comfort? In the gifsets linked Zhou Zishu’s smile grows sadder - because he grows to fully trust Wen Kexing, but he feels Wen Kexing hasn’t learnt to fully trust him yet. 

We know Zhou Zishu fully gives his trust over when he reveals his own past at the manor, tells Wen Kexing all his failures and fears. We know when he says ‘there is nothing between us that cannot be said’ - for it as much a reassurance that Wen Kexing has no boundaries of which to ask things of him anymore, as well as a gentle nudge of ‘you can speak to me too, if you like. When you like.’ 

Also, now we know from leaks that the original script kept the exchange between them of ‘are your feelings for me serious or are you just fooling around?’ as they are in the novel, it only manages to add another level to Zhou Zishu’s pain. Because he still isn’t sure how serious Wen Kexing is about him - he has nothing to compare it too, doesn’t quite understand why Wen Kexing would want to feel that way to him - and perhaps, Wen Kexing’s fears and reluctance to open up play a part into Zhou Zishu’s way of thinking about how serious what they share is to him, and perhaps there’s the doubt there that maybe he doesn’t open up because he isn’t serious. 

(But oh, Wen Kexing is. He has never been so serious about anyone, and eventually, Zhou Zishu will realise that. And Wen Kexing will realise that he can open up to him freely, that he can allow Zhou Zishu to see his most ugliest parts of him, and Zhou Zishu will embrace all of him, will accept all of him. Because he never cared about how deep the darkness within Wen Kexing ran in the first place).

[unmitigatedsuperiority]

Family

Summary: Family is everything to Luke. Family is complicated to Spencer. So, when Luke asks him to meet his parents, Spencer may need some reassurance.

Pairing: Luke Alvez x Spencer Reid

Word count: 1.2k

Category: Hurt/comfort, fluff, tiny amount of angst

Rating: G

Warnings: Mentions of family issues, Spencer being insecure

AO3 Link

-

Spencer had never gotten to the “meet the parents” phase of relationships before.

Not for lack of trying, he just hadn’t had a relationship get that far. Maybe Ethan had gotten to that point, but there wasn’t much family to meet in that case. Ethan’s parents weren’t totally accepting of him, and Ethan knew Spencer’s family situation. So, it just… never happened.

Luke Alvez was different, though. He was a family man through and through. Spencer had seen the way his eyes lit up when he spoke of his parents. On their very first date, Spencer’s restaurant of choice had propelled Luke to speak at lengths about the meals his mom used to make him and how his own attempts at recreating them had utterly failed. Wide eyes and beaming smiles and happy memories. Spencer let him lead the conversation for the remainder of the evening.

Seeing the joy radiate off every part of Luke’s body at the mere mention of family made Spencer happy, it did. But he couldn’t help the small part of him that withered up in turn. Sure, he and his mom had some good moments, but he’d never be someone who could talk about their childhood on a first date. Or second.

So, when Luke had asked him to meet his parents, Spencer reacted in a way he wasn’t exactly proud of.

“Spencer, please, they’re going to love you,” Luke reassured the fretting genius curled up on the couch. “Trust me, you’ll spend five minutes with my mom, and you’ll forget that you were ever worried.”

“Yeah, well I don’t have the same experience around mothers that you do.” Spencer could feel the growing mixture of insecurity and fear and worry bubbling in his stomach, morphing into venom in his mouth before he could stop it. “You know what my mom used to do? She used to tell me that bad men were going to take me away. I had to be the grown up, even as a kid. So, I’m sorry if I don’t quite feel relaxed around family,” Spencer snapped, a sour taste lingering in the air.

“Whoa, hey, we’re on the same team here, cariño,” Luke gently reminded him as he sat down, a hand rubbing small circles into his back. It did nothing to rid that acidic feeling in his stomach. Spencer huffed and rested his head into his hands.

“I know, Luke…” He sighed. “I just – I’ve never met anyone’s parents before,” Spencer relented. “I wouldn’t even know how to act! I don’t exactly have the best track record with parents.” He didn’t need to bring up his past for Luke to understand. He’d confided in Luke on previous nights, the eerie silence of the morning hours prodding him open, pushing him to be vulnerable, exposed in ways he wasn’t used to. And Luke was there to listen, support, and bandage him up when the emotions had rubbed Spencer raw.

“Look, I know I can never fully understand your side of things. But…” He threaded his fingers through Spencer’s, slotting them together, a perfect game of Tetris. “I consider you my family. I have no doubts that my parents will love you. I mean, they’ve heard all my bragging about you…” Luke chuckled. Spencer allowed himself a small smile at that.

“But it doesn’t even matter what they think. I love them and they mean the world to me…but so do you. Spencer, I love you. That’s what matters. You’re my family. No matter what. If you want to meet my parents, then great! I’d love for the people I love to meet. But you have the right to set your own boundaries. We can cancel the dinner. We can reschedule. We can go but leave early. Your well-being is my top priority. My family can wait; this family can’t.” He brought their joined hands to his lips.

At the softness of Luke’s words, the sweetness of the gesture, Spencer felt love and awe swell within him. A symphony coming to a crescendo, that part of a movement signaling this is it! This is what you’ve been waiting for! His percussive heart beat a little faster, while his thoughts raced a little slower. Anxiety melting away as the concerto played on.

Spencer looked at the man sitting next to him. The man who just proclaimed his love and respect for him. The man who would cancel on his own family just to ensure Spencer was comfortable. Somehow, that reassurance made all the difference. “Alright, we can go.” Luke’s eyes lit up at this concession, a flicker of hope beneath a concerned face.

“Are you sure? If you’re that worried about it, we can reschedule or...”

“I think I’ll feel better knowing I have an out,” Spencer explained. He licked his lips in a nervous tic, absentmindedly noting that he had been biting them. “Do you think they’d be upset if I wanted to leave early?” At that, Luke looked at Spencer, some combination of adoration and sincerity decorating his features.

“Spencer, you don’t owe them any kind of explanation. If you want to leave five minutes in, we can do that. Let me worry about my own parents. All you have to do is just be your beautiful, amazing self,” Luke kissed him once on the nose, making Spencer scrunch up in return. Luke squeezed his hand and smiled. “I mean it. You’re my family, cariño.”

The words swirled back in forth through Spencer’s brain, etching themselves into every corner, slowly washing away the worries and doubts. He stared at Luke, who consistently looked at Spencer as if he’d hung the stars in the sky. Letting the loving gaze settle over him, Spencer offered him a smile of reassurance. He squeezed Luke’s hand back.

“You’re my family,” he reaffirmed, not being able to contain the joy creeping into his inflection. A family, all his own. Luke beamed at the returned sentiment, pulling the other man into his chest, settling onto the couch. Strong arms encircled Spencer, holding him tight as if to say it’s okay, you’re safe here. And there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that this was true.

“A family,” Luke sighed, content. “You know what that means.” Spencer tilted his head up at him in confusion.

“It means you’re Roxy’s stepdad,” Luke grinned. Spencer dissolved into laughter at this, letting his head fall into Luke’s shoulder as he rode out the giggles. Luke kissed Spencer on the forehead as he laughed, tangling his hand through the honey brown locks, and brushing out the curls. Spencer hummed at the sensation. Every fiber of his being, every molecule in his body leaned into the warm figure beneath him, into the comfort of being known and loved. Spencer suddenly felt that sense of belonging he’d spent years searching for in between the pages of books and the collecting of degrees. He was a part of something new here, something special. He’d found his family. Luke loved him, regardless of his insecurities. Every obstacle, every piece of baggage, they could work through together.

Now, Spencer didn’t know it yet, but Luke’s parents would accept him easily and with open arms. Luke’s dad would be impressed by his obscure military knowledge. Luke’s mom would teach him the secrets to the Alvez family recipes that her son could never get quite right. And at that family dinner, being surrounded by all the Alvezes, Spencer would come to the realization that he had nothing to fear. Luke was his family. Luke’s parents would soon be considered his family. From that point forward, Spencer belonged somewhere. He had a family that he loved; one that loved him back just as fully. And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

-

masterlist | taglist

[honestgrins]

Can you write a Klaroline drabble where Caroline shows up in NOLA and shocks everyone but maybe Kol or Katherine when she says she's Klaus's wife? Cannon Caroline not original.

I Heard a Rumor

The club was filled with people and the chaos of a Friday night. Klaus preferred to avoid the rush of tourists, but Marcel kept the VIP lounge to a more tolerable set even during peak hours - usually.

“Don’t you just love this place?” Janet was hanging over the balcony to watch the crowds below, none too subtly pushing her ass back toward him. As one of the humans on staff to provide a live blood source, she was perfectly amiable to Klaus. He’d even become something of a regular customer for her given his penchant for the tinge of bourbon in her taste. However, it seemed she took the friendly flirtation of their transactions to heart, and she was testing his patience for more. 

Unfortunately for her, his patience was wearing thin. With a barely polite grimace, he downed the rest of his drink and made to stand. “It’s a bit rowdier than I like, love, so—”

She gave a rapturous giggle, only to fall into his lap and sprawl across him. “I like that you call me ‘love,’” she murmured, her mouth clumsy against his ear. “Let’s get out of here, and I’ll show you how much I like it.”

Rolling his eyes, Klaus was ready to speed out of there without bothering to set her back on her feet. The only thing that kept him in his crowded seat was the biting and all too familiar voice coming from behind him.

“Sorry, love, he won’t be available to accept whatever appreciation you have in mind.”

Both surprised — though for very different reasons — they turned to see Caroline Forbes facing them with a pageant-ready smile and murder in her eyes. She was stunning. Klaus couldn’t help a grin despite his earlier annoyance, and his brow arched in challenge. “Hello, sweetheart. Fancy meeting you here.”

Her jaw shifted almost imperceptibly to the left, but his companion didn’t seem to sense the rising tension as a threat. “Who the hell are you?”

Just like that, Caroline’s smile turned sharp with her fangs on full display. “I’m his wife, and you’re in my seat.”

The club was home to any number of vampires who heard her perfectly over the music, and more than a few froze at the sudden silence coming from him. The Klaus Mikaelson they knew would have reacted instantly, either with murder or some other violence, and they all seemed to wait for the ensuing mayhem. Even Janet finally grasped the discomfort of the moment, and she extricated herself from his lap with all the delicacy a human could manage. “I’ll just— Yeah, bye.”

Whatever show the club was waiting for, Klaus had more pressing concerns. “Shall we continue this interesting discussion at home?” he asked, though they both knew it wasn’t a question. Gently gripping Caroline’s arm, he flashed them back to the manor. He heard Kol and Rebekah meandering somewhere, and Elijah was likely on the premises as well. With that in mind, he brought her to the privacy of his studio and its soundproofing spell. Wisely, she waited until the door was shut to yank her arm free with a disgruntled huff. He merely smiled as he went to pour them some blooded wine. “That was quite the display you gave, sweetheart,” he said lightly, handing her a glass. “I have to admit: I didn’t see it coming.”

“Bullshit,” she snapped, setting aside the drink without indulging. His lips pursed; it was an excellent vintage, yet he was more perturbed at her outright refusal of his hospitality. Perhaps this wasn’t their usual spat to be easily resolved. Proving just that, she seemed truly distraught. “You promised to leave Mystic Falls, that my life was my own.”

“It is. I haven’t stepped foot in Virginia since that day.” Brow furrowed, Klaus felt an urgent need to reassure her. “I understand you need time to accept what I’m offering, and I am prepared to wait however long it takes. What on earth made you believe I’m encroaching on that promise?”

Last he heard, she wasn’t even in the States. They did chat by phone every so often, and when she’d mentioned a tour abroad, he had offered a list of his various estates that would be available to her should she wish. It was the caretaker of his dacha outside of Moscow who alerted him to her softening boundaries. He certainly had no intention of making her regret the change, let alone whatever caused this latest upset.

Watching him with suspicion, Caroline apparently wasn’t sure of his intentions at all. “Seriously? It wasn’t bad enough I ran into the stalkers you have ‘looking out for me’ in every city, but the one time I take you up on borrowing a place, you have the staff literally bowing to me. I wrote it off as a cultural thing at first, then I heard the whispers.”

“Though I refute your accusations of stalking, I will admit to warning some friends and enemies you are not to be trifled with in your travels. As for Dmitri, I merely asked him to welcome you as an honored guest, which you are.” 

She scoffed and crossed her arms in defiance. “Yeah, well, he wasn’t welcoming me as an honored guest. I overheard him chatting with his wife about meeting ‘the new mistress of the house.’”

Klaus shrugged, unconcerned. Satisfied the situation wasn’t more dire, he allowed himself to relax on his sofa, daring to pat the spot next to him. Caroline remained unmoved, and he rolled his eyes. “Perhaps the nature of your significance was lost in translation. You’re the one who came to my town and introduced yourself as my wife.”

“Because half of Russia thinks I am your wife!” With an indignant stamp of her foot, she seemed ready to tear her hair out — but she frowned more sedately at the blankness on his face. “You didn’t know?” 

Shaking his head, he honestly had no idea. “What happened, Caroline?”

Finally taking her drink, she dropped to the couch beside him with an embarrassed groan. “I stepped into exactly one vampire club, and people practically threw themselves out of my path. I assumed it was more of the same from you, until the guy I was flirting with was suddenly yanked away by a friend. He went white when he was told my husband would tear out his intestines and shove them down his throat.”

“A bit uncreative, that.”

“Klaus!”

“I don’t know,” he insisted, his frustration growing to match hers. Rubbing a hand across his mouth, he genuinely had no idea why anyone would think him married. Though he had many hopes and plans involving Caroline in his future, matrimony was a human tradition he’d never once considered. “Truly, this didn’t come from me.”

Sighing, she leaned back into the couch and nursed her wine, defeated. “Oh. Then, sorry for cockblocking, I guess.”

Klaus smirked at that, and he turned to face her more fully. “Are you really?” The lightest blush stained her cheeks, and he knew she was biting her tongue at the faint scent of her blood. Unable to resist, he reached his hand to rest on the back of her neck, his thumb rubbing into her hair. “New Orleans is a small town at heart, love, and you effectively announced yourself as my wife in the middle of town square.”

“To be fair, I thought you had told the whole world, and I wasn’t going to be the only one not getting laid because of it.”

“Ah.” He was torn between a wince and a laugh, so he settled for another sip of his drink instead. His other hand continued to massage her scalp, and he felt the tension slowly loosening within her. “I never meant to restrict your choices,” he promised. “Tempt you into choosing me, absolutely, but not like this.”

Finally, she relaxed into him, slouching until he could tuck her against his side. Some doubt lingered, though, he could tell. Perhaps it was a sign of growth on both their parts that he didn’t take offense and that she trusted him enough be honest. “But who else would want to spread a rumor like that about us? It’s not like anyone benefits if we really did do the Vegas wedding thing.”

His mouth twitched, and he flashed to the door, barely sparing a brief kiss to the top of her head. He tore it open, only for her to slam it shut again. Pressing her back to the wood, she kept a heavy glare on him. “Put those away, we both know you’re not going to bite me.”

With a reluctant growl, he forced his fangs to recede. “It’s not your blood I want at the moment, and it’s certainly not pleasure I seek.”

“Yeah, ‘cause revenge isn’t a pleasure for you,” she answered snidely. “Tell me what’s going on before you kill the blabbermouth.”

“This is something I have to do myself, sweetheart.”

“Hi, I might want to help! They screwed with both of us here, not just you.”

A half-smile formed without permission, the fondness he felt for her softer than he was comfortable acknowledging at the moment — especially when someone had proven all too willing to use their connection against him. “Few in New Orleans know about you, let alone your...effect on me. Only two would maliciously speak out of turn about that. And just one of those would dare to bind you to me forever, lest I be challenged to follow through.”

Her face was an open book to him, and he hoped she never lost that human nature to share every feeling she had as it happened. Confusion, calculation, consternation, they all boiled down to an annoyed scrunch of her nose. “Your family knows I exist, at least, I think so. I never actually met Elijah, but you two seem to have gotten over whatever grudge match was going on at home.” He gave a brief nod, fascinated at the determined way she thought it through. “I also doubt you told him about your fling with a baby vampire. Kol and Rebekah, on the other hand, probably didn’t need to be told.”

“Bekah still likes to complain that we defiled the entire wood within earshot,” he muttered, not that he could be particularly aggrieved at the memory of a sunny afternoon. “And you are no mere fling, Caroline.”

That lovely blush rose again, and she looked anywhere but at him as he crowded her against the door. Gently brushing the curtain of her hair back from her face, Klaus waited for her to gather herself. After a deep breath, she finally met him with a half-hearted glare. “Which Rebekah loathes, so she’s definitely not daring you to marry me by telling everyone else you already have.”

Silently agreeing, he hadn’t lowered his hand from where it settled on her cheek, and a thrill came when she leaned into it. “Kol, however, enjoys sowing chaos wherever he goes.”

“Yeah,” she groaned. “That sounds on brand, and I played right into it with this stupid payback stunt.”

“We always did share a flair for the dramatic.”

The laugh built in her throat before it burst out, filling the air between them until they were both smiling like fools. Her hands had curled into his shirt, one at his hip and the other over his heart. The slight tug of fabric was tempting, but he still kept his tentative distance. “I promised you time, and I meant it.”

Biting her lip, Caroline nodded. She didn’t let go of his shirt, either. “Does it have be all or nothing right now?” It was half a whisper, the barest hint of whine in her voice endearing. “Because you smell really good and it’s been a long time thanks to your stupid brother, and I might have missed you more than I realized, so can you just kiss me alrea—”

There would be consequences from the rumors of their marriage, and more than just those Kol would face. Caroline would be a target, either for those seeking Klaus’s favor or those out to destroy him. Her presence or absence from his daily life would be a noted occurrence, and more rumors would arise should they be seen with others instead. New pressures would exert force on the evolution of their relationship, something he had measured in decades and centuries without such attention. But they could deal with those consequences in time, together.

Later.

[commonwealthoccurences]

Companions Overhear Sole Singing

Cait:

Tries to act nonchalant and unimpressed, as if she doesn’t even notice

Really wants them to sing more, though

She finds it soothing

If she and Sole are quite close she may ask Sole to sing while she tries to sleep; nightmares are a bitch and knowing Sole’s near helps reassure her she’s safe

Sometimes she just eavesdrops on them singing and smiles to herself so she doesn’t interrupt them

Curie:

Very open and upbeat about their singing and doesn’t think they might get embarrassed if she gets enthusiastic about it; why should they? It’s wonderful

Compliments them right away and openly listens

Every time they start singing within earshot she stops and turns her attention to them, smiling

“Oh, Mx. You have such a lovely voice!”

Danse:

Doesn’t comment on it and continues what he’s doing, but he’s definitely listening

Enjoys it when they sing while Danse is cleaning his weapon and may specifically move within earshot so he can listen to them sing to themself while he cleans

If they’re closer Danse may request they sing while he cleans, but he flushes red right after, unsure if he’s overstepped a boundary

If they get flustered he reassures them that they don’t have to and also gets flustered

Can be accidentally smooth about it

“It’s rare to find people who can sing so well nowadays, but I guess that’s more of a reason you’re one of a kind, Soldier.”

Deacon:

Very dramatic about it, but is also appreciative once you get past the sarcasm and exaggerations that come to him without a thought

“Damn Sole! Your voice comes directly from the heavens! It’s healed my soul, I shall repent for my ways!” Yes he’s leaning back dramatically in his chair with a hand over his forehead while saying this

Enjoys teasing them about it if they get flustered, but doesn’t push it too far

Does have some moments where he just closes his eyes peacefully and listens to them sing instead of teasing them; often when he’s tired emotionally or physically (or both)

Them singing provides him a moment where he can shut everything else out and relax

Very rarely genuinely compliments them on it; he loves their voice but he has an image to keep up

(he also doesn’t do great with emotions)

Has a good voice himself but will join in out of tune to make them laugh

When they do he feels accomplished

Gage:

“You’ve got one hell of a voice, Boss.”

Gage gives kudos where it’s due, but it won’t be a super in depth compliment

It’s a passing comment that’s rare and he acts like it’s not a big deal

Doesn’t have it in him to request they sing, no need for them to get an ego about it, but he does enjoy it when they do

Moreso enjoys when they hum to themself as they do a menial task

Just feels very calm and almost domestic

Haylen:

Also openly gives credit where it’s due

Will wait for them to finish to speak up, though

She’s not afraid to openly listen to them

To her it’s not an ego thing, it’s a talent they have, and she’s gonna enjoy it

Hancock:

Gets a grin on his face

“Hey, Sunshine. Why didn’t you tell me you could sing like that? You could put Diamond City radio outta business.”

Requests they sing often

Sometimes after a shit day he lounges on the couch and asks them to sit with him and sing

Openly just watches them and listens

Sometimes falls asleep

If Sole gets flustered he just piles on more compliments

They’ve gotta work on their confidence

MacCready:

Turns red

Why? No one knows

Reminds him of home but he doesn’t know why

Probably his #1 most comforting thing

Doesn’t have the courage to ask them to sing for him but he makes sure to stop and appreciate it when they do

Eventually gets out a shy compliment after a while of them singing

“You’ve got a great voice, Sole.”

That’s it, otherwise he might overthink things

Nick:

Ellie also sings to herself when doing paperwork or filing things, so it’s very familiar to him

Honestly reminds him of peace at the office, so if they’re away from Diamond City, it can make him a little homesick

Doesn’t stop him from appreciating it, though

Will compliment them a couple times, but doesn’t lay it on too thick, especially if they get flustered

Doesn’t want them to stop because they’re embarrassed

Piper:

Will join in sometimes

Otherwise she just enjoys it

Finds it comforting but doesn’t think too much about it

Her mother used to sing to her when she was young so she definitely appreciates it

Sometimes she may ask Sole to sing if Nat has a nightmare or something

If Sole’s already singing she’ll request songs but doesn’t do it out of the blue

Preston:

Part of the flustered club

He’s never really been around someone who sings absentmindedly so he feels like he’s intruding on a private moment

Apologizes if they turn around and see him listening, especially if they get startled, flustered, or stop

Will give them a quiet compliment to let them know he appreciates their voice

His favorite moments are when they sing quietly to themself while they’re on patrol or watch with Preston

They have to be careful not to accidentally sing him to sleep while he’s on duty, though

X6-88:

Listen: He may be a courser, but he can appreciate art

Won’t give outward compliments, won’t make a comment, but will secretly appreciate it

Doesn’t stop what he’s doing to keep up appearances but will mentally be listening in

Unconsciously may turn his head towards Sole a little to hear better

It takes him and Sole being extremely, extremely close for him to make a comment, though

“You have a beautiful voice, Sole.”

If they’re together and have been for a while, he’ll hug them from behind, his arms wrapped loosely around their waist, and tuck his face into their shoulder and listen for as long as they’ll let him

[saeransimp]

I forgot to send this before but how do you feel about some Little Spoon SE Saeran content?

You know the absolute direct way to my heart, Kait. I actually ended up writing this as his first time experiencing what it’s like, so there’s lots of feelings. And if you thought you were only getting fluff with this...think again :)

(1059 words)

Saeran is, by no means, a stranger to night terrors. Haunted by his demons and the trauma so deeply rooted inside his still mending heart, he’ll frequently wake up thrashing and screaming- still in a haze, he lashes out in a panic at anything in front of him that he can reach until he’s able to process reality and ground himself. 

Because of this, when he can tell that he’s going to have a rough night, he has to send you to sleep in your own room within the bunker. He despises doing this to you, and is overwhelmed with a guilt he cannot find the words to express. Saeran wants to be able to hold onto you without such an intense fear of hurting you after a nightmare- he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did. He will not become that monster. He cannot become that monster. And if that means sending you away to ensure your safety, he’ll do it, even as desperately as he wishes he didn’t need to.

Oftentimes, he needs to feel your warmth afterwards. Being forced to relive those memories through his nightmares makes him sick, and the only things that can soothe him are the sounds of your heartbeat, your breathing, affirming that you’re real and that he’s not being tormented back in that hell. He doesn’t like to wake you up, despite your reassurances, so he’ll sneak in as quietly as possible and curl into your arms, head pressed against your chest as he focuses on only you in order to stabilize himself until you awaken on your own. 

Tonight...well, he didn’t know what it would be like. He was torn between wanting you to stay, as it had been days since you’d last been together with him to sleep, and asking you to go to your room just to make absolutely sure you would be protected from his destructive tendencies just in case he happened to have another night terror. 

It was late, and he had been internally debating on this for awhile. Like always, though, you seemed to be able to read him like a book, without a need for him to actually say anything. 

“Hey,” your soft voice gently pulled him from his thoughts. “I was wondering if we could try something?” It came out sounding like more of a question, as your requests usually did- you were always taking his feelings into consideration and giving him a choice in the smallest ways possible, one of the many things he had come to love you for. 

His entire life up to this point, he was never given the freedom to choose for himself, it was always other people choosing for him...he never had a say in anything, not one that mattered...but with you, he never felt forced to do anything he was uncomfortable with. He had a choice. And he trusted you to always respect his decision. It was still something he was unfamiliar with, still learning to get used to. But he cherished it.

Saeran tilted his head questioningly, then watched as you stuffed yourself under his covers and lightly patted the space in front of you as if to make sure he knew it wasn’t a command, but an open invitation if it was something he would be okay with. 

He hesitated, but ultimately couldn’t resist the hopeful look in your eyes. So, with a sigh, he got up from his seat and took his place next to you, wondering if you could tell just how tense from uncertainty that he was. 

Slowly, you reached up and brushed his bangs back from his eyes, searching them, as if to track that what you were doing was okay. When he gave a slight nod, you moved to press a soft kiss to his forehead with a smile. 

“Turn around?”

When he realized what you meant, Saeran’s features contorted in distaste. Him? Be the little spoon? Why? He didn’t voice any of these questions, but it was evident he was leaning heavily against the idea. 

“If you don’t like it I promise you can move back. I won’t be upset, okay?”

And he knew you meant it. You were never upset with him for the boundaries he had to have. 

But, still, he needed to contemplate for a few moments until he eventually relented. But he couldn’t help but click his tongue in dissatisfaction as he rolled over. 

Saeran felt your arm sliding around him, your fingers tenderly intertwining with his, then your face nuzzling against the back of his neck. He was thankful you weren’t able to see the blush that unwantedly burned at his cheeks. 

Before he could say anything, you were mumbling soothingly against his skin.

“I’ve been thinking...when you have bad nights but you still want me here with you, we can stay like this and it’s safe. If you start kicking or even hitting at what’s in front of you...I’m not there. If you need to pull yourself out, all you have to do is slide forward without any struggle to pull your own arms away from me. And when you need me, instead of sneaking into my room, I’m already right here for you to come back to when you’re ready. We can be together and keep both of each other safe.” 

He didn’t know at what point it had happened, but Saeran had melted against you, all traces of his apprehension seemingly gone. Tears were stinging his eyes, threatening to spill over. You always put so much thought and care into him down to the littlest things, and he couldn’t understand what made him so special- but god if it didn’t feel good to be.

“Plus it’s cute ‘cause it’s like I’m your little backpack!” You giggled. 

Sarean found himself smiling at that. 

“So...Are you okay staying like this?”

Your answer came with him squeezing your hand. 

He felt more than okay, even if he couldn’t voice it. Content...warm...protected...happy...loved...safe. It was overwhelming, but...in a good way. 

Saeran closed his eyes, his fears of hurting you slowly washing away as he fell asleep. 

Little did you know that it would be something he’d ask for far more often than just when he might have a bad night.

[7wanderingpaws]

Always, yours (6) M

Word count: 9.5K (!)

Warnings: language, mature content, angst 

tags: @geniusloey @taemin-jaemin @wooya1224 @f4ncyvelvet

Masterlist / story masterlist

<– Previous

“Is it still happening?” 

Your doctor was surprised when you were sitting in her office. The triplets were with Baekhyun who was standing just beside your chair. On his chest and back he had Jun and Juna and Junhee was in the basket carrier, for once sleeping peacefully.

You nodded, trying not to feel ashamed. It wasn’t your fault that you were overproducing milk. “It seems like it doesn’t have a proper schedule. After I breastfeed or pump it starts leaking again.”

Your doctor nodded seriously, frowning. “Did you release breast milk when the babies cry? Or perhaps after an orgasm?”

Her question made you beetroot red in the face and you quickly looked down on your connected hands , suddenly feeling hot and embarrassed.

You doctor let out a little chuckle, mumbling a “cute” when you felt Baekhyun’s comforting hand on your shoulder. To your utter horror, he replied: “She releases milk at any time of the day but during sex she was complaining about feeling the pressure in her breasts. I helped her out with it so that we could carry on,” he informed, not ashamed at all.

It made you remember the time when he was shy to ask whether you two could have sex during your pregnancy. And now he said this. A typical  upgrade of a parent. You lose all sense boundaries. You did the deed and now you have kids. As simple as that.

Your eyes widened. “Well, yes, that’s true. I felt pressure during eh, sex, and I knew there would be a release so…”

“That is totally natural, nothing to be embarrassed about,” reassured you the doctor kindly. “It’s only normal for the father to try the breast milk, even more so during sexual intercourse.” She paused for a moment. “So, this is what we are gonna do - we will try a block feeding technique. You will have to empty your breasts every morning, and then try feeding your little ones. If Jun is still struggling with refluxes, this should help. He is very small but if he feeds well and correctly, I’m sure he will be just fine.”

You nodded, still feeling worried. Jun was doing well but sometimes the milk wouldn’t sit well with him which would cause the reflux.

“The first dosage of the milk consists of lactose, the fat comes quite later on during the feeding process. You are feeding three mouths, so naturally there are gaps in between and each baby can get a different intake.”

“So my wife can still breastfeed, right?” asked Baekhyun, his hand caressing your shoulder gently. You enjoyed the touch; it reminded you that you were in this together.

“Yes, of course. This technique should not be done longer than five days, however, so make sure to check for any improvements, alright?” When you nodded, she said: “I’ll examine your breasts, now, if you’ll please move to the bed and remove your top and bra.”

Ah, how much was this uncomfortable but you got used to it completely. Everyone present in the room knew your breasts very well. It almost seemed like they knew them better than you did.

“You can also try to start using formula,” suggested gently the doctor as you took off your shirt and unclasped your bra. You were sitting on the bed in front of her, the colder air in the room creating goosebumps. “There is nothing wrong with that.”

“I know,” you murmured, shivering at the air hitting your warm skin.

“Oh, dear, you lost quite some weight,” she said when she took a better look. “Aren’t we thinking too much about the babies and too little about our mummy, hm?” she asked in a chastising tone but with a motherly smile.

You stole a glance at Baekhyun who was caressing Jun’s head, playing with the thin baby hair, while giving you a thoughtful look.

<3

“Thank you for coming with us today,” you told Baekhyun once you finally made it home. Triplets fell asleep during the transfer, so you were trying to eat late lunch before they would wake up.

“Sweetheart,” murmured Baekhyun with a frown and he stepped closer to you, stopping you from slurping the warm soup he heated up. “What do you mean? Of course I’d come. I’m your husband.”

You shrugged, not looking him in the eye. “I know but still… I guess your job is important-“

“No, it isn’t important. It isn’t more important than you are,” he murmured gently and caressed your cheek, expecting you to look at him but you didn’t. “What’s wrong? Why wouldn’t you look at me?”

Slowly, you dragged your eyes up to meet his down-turned ones, soft and gentle. “Just a lot in my head’s all. Our parents will be arriving in a few days so I need to clean up.”

The fact that you were getting anxious because of many things happening at the same time made you not want to talk about it. Taking care of the babies, welcoming your family, making a comfortable home for them while they were there - it was a little too much.

“I’ll do that, okay? You can start the laundry but I don’t want you to stress about this, am I clear?” His voice wasn’t stern but it was strict enough for you to nod obediently, preferring the idea of Baekhyun doing all the work while you could rest a little bit.

“Good,” he smiled, satisfied, “and now give me a kiss.”

You managed to smile as you strained your neck, kissing him over the bar table. He hummed in appreciation, prolonging the precious moment.

“Now eat,” he ordered teasingly and you laughed breathily when you sat down, your tummy rumbling with hunger.

You were eating in peaceful silence, the clinking of cutlery the only noise in the apartment. The day was barely half-way done but you felt tiredness creeping up your limbs; the more you ate, the sleepier you became.

When you and Baekhyun finished, you stood up, leaving the dishes on the table and walked over to him, taking his arm in your hands and gently pulling on it. “Let’s have a little nap together, I’m tired.”

Baekhyun observed you with amusement. “Of course. I’ll just clean up and follow you.”

You pouted and shook your head, widening your eyes at him as you dragged him out of the kitchen and straight into your bedroom. He laughed as he let you, and when you reached the bed you slipped under the covers, the AC having cooled down the apartment into the perfect cuddling temperature. Baekhyun followed you and once the both of you made yourselves comfortable, you found your way to him, your head resting on his chest while he tucked your head under his chin.

“Sleep, sweetheart,” he cooed into your hair. “You’ve had a long day already.”

You hummed and completely melted at the way he rubbed your back in slow, dragging motions. His scent and slow heartbeat finally made you lose conscious, dreamland welcoming you with open arms.

<3

“Look at these outfits!” Sukyeong pushed her phone into your face excitedly and you tried to not show your discomfort too obviously. You frowned with a pout as you observed a gorgeous summer dress on a model, the slit of the skirt revealing her long legs. “You’d look stunning in it!”

You sighed and reached for your cup of green tea. You were sitting in a posh tea house where one needed a reservation in order to be able to get in. Sukyeong always had your back and she promised to pay. Hence you didn’t bother looking at the price tag that went over 30.000won per one serving “You know I’d look horrible.”

She shook her head resolutely but her eyes were trained on the screen as her finger was eagerly scrolling through an endless Instagram feed with beautiful women. “You can pull off any look.”

Biting your lip, you nodded, feeling your eyes burn up with frustrating tears. Sukyeong was a great friend. But she was never a mother and had never been through a pregnancy. And it showed.

“You lost a lot of weight,” she finally looked up at you and put her phone away when she spotted your red eyes. “Since the last time I saw you- do you even eat?”

Not wanting to talk, you averted your gaze to the surroundings, noting how the tea room was peaceful. There were lots of issues within you that you refused to address, and none of them was about having triplets. Everything had to do with you.

“Oh, dear, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you the past couple of weeks,” she told you, reaching for your hand.

“No, no, you have your own life. I barely had time to think, I was so busy.”

“I feel like a lot has happened during that time,” she murmured with worry, observing your pale cheeks. Sukyeong knew you for quite a while. She knew you as a determined and happy woman, very independent. Now she thought that she saw someone who really needed someone. “Is everything okay with you and Baek?”

“It’s great!” you replied quickly.

“What happened?” she asked with even more worry and this time your tears grew like sprouts, escaping your eyes. “Shh, if you don’t want to talk about it-“

“There is so much going on and at the same time…” you shrugged, not sure how to express yourself, “...nothing is happening at all.”

Sukyeong gave you some time to collect your thoughts for which you were grateful. As much as she could be a little too excited, she knew when to shut up and listen.

“A couple of weeks ago Junho appeared at our doorstep in the morning, he came with a sweater that didn’t belong to me, and Baekhyun didn’t take it too well. We had a fight. Since then, yeah,” you sighed, tapping at your wet cheeks, “it’s all weird.”

Sukyeong was silently looking at the smoothness of the table, at the tea pots filled with fresh green tea.

“It’s fine, nothing worrisome I guess,” you  added, not wanting to sound like the party pooper.

She murmured your name, and looked at you with something that looked like guilt in her eyes. “I need to tell you something…”

“Yeah? What is it?” you asked nonchalantly.

She sighed, closing her eyes for a second before she had to face your obliviousness. “It’s me who sent Junho to your house.”

“What!” you gasped so loudly some people turned to look at you, and Sukyeong quickly brought her chair closer to you, seeking a little privacy from the prying eyes.

“I gave him the sweater and told him to visit you! But my intentions were…” she trailed off, looking like a kid caught with a cookie.

“What the hell? What were your intentions?”

Oh boy, you looked pissed. Your eyes were burning up with anger.

“I wanted Baekhyun to meet him and… and… well, you know, bring some fire into your relationship-“

“Jesus Christ, Sukyeong!” you groaned, mad at her but still unable to fight the furious blush at her words. “That’s ridiculous! Me and Baek are married in case you forgot,” you added in a loud whisper. “It’s not like he just knocked me up and left!”

“I know, I know, but he was always MIA and I didn’t want him to neglect my best friend! You’re left alone with three kids!”

“What’s that have to do with making Baekhyun jealous? We had a huge fight and our relationship has been a little angsty since then.” Well, from your point of view at least. Baekhyun acted like all was fine but you couldn’t tell whether he really acted or he was actually that clueless about the underlying issues you both had. Let alone, the fight was nasty and you still had a lot on your mind to tell him but refrained from speaking up. You didn't even finish the talk after the huge fight like he said he wanted to do.

“Just so you know, you’re way too lenient about him and his darn professor job. You’ve got three babies for Christ’s sake.”

“But we need money! I’m not working and he is the only source of income we have. We live in that darn upscale apartment but at what cost? It’s hard to keep up with that and with three babies that need a nappy change almost every second hour of the day.”

“I understand it’s hard but Baekhyun does not work hard enough for you.”

Your nose prickled in an instant because she hit the right spot. You promptly looked away, wanting to avoid her fiery gaze.

“Tell me I’m wrong.”

Your silence told Sukyeong more than enough. She sighed and crossed her legs. “What was the fight about? You said after Junho appeared you had a fight.”

After several seconds of hesitation you told her. The highlight, of course, was Baekhyun’s harsh words about your jealousy when in fact it was all pregnancy issues at the time.

“No way he said that,” she mumbled in astonishment, her eyes looking somewhere far in the distance. “He dared to twist something like that?”

You could only shrug again. “It’s already resolved. We talked it out, he apologized and I’m not planning to keep grudges against him. I can’t fight with him, Sukyeonga. If I do, it feels like I’m going against everything that is me. He is part of me.”

Sukyeong could only sigh; both in affection and slight frustration. She knew how much of a strong relationship you and Baekhyun shared, but as your close friend she was worried. As much as she trusted Baekhyun and considered him a close friend as well, he was still a man.

“You need to be stronger than that,” she told you finally with a gentle tone as she held your hand. “I’m not implying anything more, just that you should always know your worth. Even when you are head over heels for each other.”

You sighed, though a little frustratingly. “I understand what you are trying to say, Sukyeonga. I really do…”

“You need to find a hobby or a job. I know you can’t do much with triplets needing your care and even sitters are pricey-“

“I’m not leaving my kids with a sitter!”

“-so you need to find work that you could do from home.”

Another sigh left your lips, your body completely deflating. “I’m already looking around for possible jobs but yeah… I’m tied down for a bit, at least until the munchkins are a little older and can start the kindergarten.”

Sukyeong nodded in understanding. “Whatever it will be like in the future, I'll support you. And make sure to show Baekhyun you’re not tied down to him.”

<3

The time for Baekhyun’s graduation ceremony came very fast. It was a given when every day became identical with the previous one. However, the anxiety you’d been feeling due to your family arriving was just rising by each day and you didn’t like the uncomfortable pressure it left you within your chest. With crying babies, and a lot to plan for their grandparents, you felt a little suffocated. Baekhyun, even though being home a lot more just as he promised, was not that much of a consolation. You had anxiety and you didn’t even realize it.

“I’m going to go pick them up at Seoul station,” told you Baekhyun when the time came. He had his phone and wallet prepared and he was walking over to you, seated in the living room where you were feeding Jun. Gradually, you were changing their feeding habits, mixing in some formula for the babies that were growing like mushrooms after rain.

You felt your eyes burn up with tears. For whatever reason. “Okay, update me when you’re with them.”

He hummed and leaned over you, his hand resting behind you on the backrest, wafting the faint mix of his perfume and baby detergent your way. “We’ll be back with you soon.”

You finally looked up when you felt him puckering his lips for an expecting kiss. He saw the way your eyes glistened and he moved away slightly.

“Babe, are you crying? What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, frustration rising. “I’m good. I’ll be good by the time you’ll come home. I’m just-“ you stopped abruptly, shaking your head. “I’m fine there is no need to overthink this.”

“Shh, sweetheart, you’re blabbering right now,” he sat down next to you, bringing his free hand up to your cheek. “Calm down.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and you unintentionally squeezed Jun as well. He let out a little cough and you quickly eased up the hold, not wanting him to get sick.

“Give me Jun and tell me what’s wrong,” suggested Baekhyun with worried eyes. He reached out for the baby only for it to whine when he tried to disattach his little mouth from your nipple. “Junnie, let mummy go for a bit.”

You kept crying, tears creating small waterfalls on your cheeks. Letting your head drop back on the backrest of the sofa, you felt Jun finally disattach, his crying growing with every second he spent without his milk.

Baekhyun tried to shush him while his other hand brought your shirt up to cover your chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“I’m so nervous and I don’t even know why,” you finally said, the wailing growing more and more irritating , causing small ringing in your ears. “I feel like too much is happening at the same time and I don’t know if I can welcome all of them here while at the same time taking care of the babies!”

Baekhyun was looking at you as he maneuvered Jun into a proper position, his head on his shoulder, his hand gently tapping the crying baby on his back. It was important to recognize when the baby was just greedy and when they really needed to feed. He was aware that you had been sitting with him for a while. “We are in this together, okay? Your priority is always the kids. I’ll take care of the rest- I thought we talked about this?”

“I know! But the house will be so full and busy and overwhelming and I just don’t want them to judge me as a mother and the way I take care of our kids and maybe they won’t like where they’ll sleep-“

“Did you already forget where we come from?” asked Baekhyun seriously and with that your crying ceased. When Baekhyun noticed, he added: “Our parents are anything but judgemental of the city life we live here. If you think they’ll judge the fact that they can sleep on a comfortable bed instead of the floor, then I don’t know if you grew up in the same village like me.”

You looked at him with red, puffy eyes. Jun was whimpering but soon a good burp followed and it made you and Baekhyun a little relieved. No reflux and a good burp. The perfect baby. “I’m sorry I’m just…” your lip trembled again, because you would never forget where you came from. What you and Baekhyun had now was so special, you forgot how a simple life was back home.

“You’re overwhelmed, I understand,” he told you, the gentleness back in his voice now. He reached out with his other hand for your thigh and squeezed it while he supported Jun’s butt with the other one. “I promise I’ll take care of everything. You do you, you do your motherly job and we will be all here to help you. They’ll most probably steal the munchkins away from us anyway,” he laughed softly.

You nodded, sniffing. “You’re right.” I hope they do, you added in your head but you hated yourself immediately for it. You desperately  wanted alone time but admitting it out loud would make you feel like a terrible mother. “You should go, honey, let them not wait for you.”

He nodded and caressed Jun a little longer before pressing a kiss to his temple and handing him back to you. “Kiss,” he demanded when you accepted the baby, and you smiled tiredly. You pressed your lips to his smooth cheek and he gave you a boyish smile.

And so, just like that the time passed with Baekhyun’s promises kept. You were relieved to hug your parents and always happy to see Baekhyun’s carefree mother and father.

When you were all at the venue, the huge hall full of older and younger people, you couldn’t help the excitement that was boiling in the pit of your tummy, mixed with anxiety. Baekhyun had to leave the apartment earlier to prepare, and thanks to your parents and in-laws you could make it safely to the busy event.

He nodded and caressed Jun a little longer before pressing a kiss to his temple and handing him back to you. “Kiss,” he demanded when you accepted the baby, and you smiled tiredly. You pressed your lips to his smooth cheek and he gave you a boyish smile.

And so, just like that the time passed with Baekhyun’s promises kept. You were relieved to hug your parents and always happy to see Baekhyun’s carefree mother and father.

When you were all at the venue, the huge hall full of older and younger people, you couldn’t help the excitement that was boiling in the pit of your tummy, mixed with anxiety. Baekhyun had to leave the apartment earlier to prepare, and thanks to your parents and in-laws you could make it safely to the busy event.

You managed to survive the ceremony with babies either looking around with curious stares or eventually falling asleep. There was only one moment when Junhee felt like scrunching up her face, letting you know she was not happy. A whimper left her and when you felt some people turning their heads you were fast to take her in your arms. Her small hands immediately tangled up in your hair because as you reached down it fell over your shoulder. 

You shushed her quietly while she made sure to let you know you would have to work harder for her to shut up. So as you bounced gently on your feet to lull her into inactivity, you caught eyes with Baekhyun who was smiling at the sight of you from afar. He was seated there, on the stage, with other masters and doctoral students. They weren’t that many altogether, but they all still heard you nonetheless.

Reciprocating the smile while feeling like you had an intimate moment with your husband, while Junhee was pulling on your hair, Baekhyun chuckled and looked back at the dean doing his closing speech, paying attention.

You sighed, realizing your elevated heart beat thanks to him. Baekhyun’s golden band on his finger shone as his hands were resting on his thighs. Your own band was, as always, comfortably sitting on your fourth finger, that same hand patting Junhee on her small bum gently.

Being at this stage with the munchkins, they were growing to like nonsense talking. You always let them converse away at home, but Junhee really felt like speaking her mind about the dean’s speech.

Gradually, more people paid attention to you rather than to the dean. You tried to shush her quickly, exchanging looks with your mother sitting on the edge seat of the row. She had an endearing smile on her face so it managed to calm you down.

Being with talkative triplets, well in this case just one out of three, came with attention.

“Baby girl, be quiet, hm?” you whispered, puckering your lips against her temple, still bouncing on your heels. “Pay attention to daddy,” you prompted but fruitlessly. “He is right there, aha-“ you turned to point your finger where Baekhyun was seated, not too far away.

Junhee pushed her fingers into her mouth as she blabbered before taking the same hand out of her mouth and smacking you with it on your cheek. Great.

“Junhee, look, daddy,” you shushed in her ear and once again pointed with your finger at your husband. You had his full attention now given how almost everyone could hear the baby talk.

Baekhyun waved cutely, smiling widely, his eyes small crescents. He sent her air kisses and you noticed Junhee watching him intently.

“D-d-d-d…” she kept murmuring and you giggled. Just then she let out a huge, screechy squeal, making you flinch away from the loudness.

“Shhh,” you tried but the dean stopped talking, looking your way now. You felt your heart drop at the attention and you took a few steps back, signaling to your mum that you’ll be outside with her so you wouldn’t disturb anymore.

“What a lively baby in the audience tonight!” pointed the dean, making everyone laugh. You managed to let out an uneasy laugh, bowing to everyone in apologies. “Is it a he or she?” He asked into the microphone and by now your heart was beating with adrenaline.

“Eh…”

“It’s a she, sir.”

Baekhyun looked proud when he spoke up from his seat, his eyes steadily set on you and your daughter.

“Very well, Mr Byun. We should invite her for speeches next time,” joked the dean and once again, everyone laughed.

You smiled, though you were beetroot red in your face. Junhee clapped cheerfully as if she understood, prompting everyone to laugh again.

“Junhee, calm down, baby,” you tried but to no avail. Eventually, you motioned to Baekhyun that you’ll be out and when you made sure the rest of the triplets were still sleeping, you slowly exited the hall; the ceremony would be ending any minute anyway.

After pacing for a couple of minutes outside in the shadow, you talked to Junhee, fueling her interest in talking as much as you could, now that you wouldn't disturb anyone. It was then that a woman in a beautiful, flowing dress approached you, taking off her dark specs before talking to you.

“Excuse me.” You turned around to her, smiling politely. Junhee went quiet at the intrusion. “Are you perhaps Byun Baekhyun’s wife?”

You nodded, a little unsurely. “Yes.”

“Nice to meet you! I knew I saw you somewhere and with the baby that looks a little like him I knew I was right,” she smiled widely at you. “I’m his colleague, I teach sports ethics and diplomacy. Jung Jaina.”

You nodded, her foreign name not processing in your mind. “Ah, nice to meet you.”

Why was Baekhyun always working with such pretty women? They looked so confident, put-together. Or maybe it was just your self-confidence that was so low.

“You’re so beautiful in real life, I can totally see where Baekhyun is coming from,” she added, her eyes sparkling. Her comment was kind, but it still left you insecure. “And this little one too.” She reached over and grabbed Junhee’s reddened cheek, pulling on it gently.

Junhee pouted big time before she pushed her tongue out on the lady in front of her. At that moment, you wanted to laugh so badly, but you tried to keep your face straight.

“She is too young, still,” commented Jaina as if it wasn’t awkward at all. You were nodding when, thankfully, your parents approached you, the hall filling out with people, waiting for the graduates to come out.

“Ah, here you are, daughter-in-law,” smiled Baekhyun’s father gently. “Let me handle her now, you worked enough,” he rasped and reached out for Junhee who was enjoying the attention.

“Very nice family, indeed,” commented Jaina as he watched you handing Junhee to her grandfather. “As you know, Baekhyun will go to Japan in September,” she started and you turned to her politely, letting her know you were paying attention. “It’s a great opportunity for him to grow. He has a huge potential. Our previous dean was young. I could imagine Baekhyun as a young dean too, if he’d work hard enough.”

“He just started. It’s way too soon to think he would become a dean, isn’t it?” you replied, smiling but not liking the direction of the conversation. Baekhyun becoming a dean would make him even busier.

“He has a lot of talents. Leadership is one of them and it’s the most important one. If he does well in Japan, which I’m sure he will, we will try to propose him the opportunity. He would have to do lots of research and teach more classes to get experience, but I have no doubts he is one of the coolest professors we have had in years. Plus, the students love him.”

“He is a likeable man,” you admitted reluctantly.

“You’re lucky,” she added with a strained smile just when you felt a pair of hands around your waist, the man in question finally appearing.

He kissed your neck, making your eyes go wide before he stood next to you and bowed to Jaina. “Miss.”

She nodded with acknowledgment. “You have a beautiful family, Baekhyun.”

“Oh yes, indeed,” he smiled cheekily, squeezing your waist.

Jaina observed the two of you a little longer. “I shall take my leave now. Congratulations, Baekhyun. See you next week.” She put on her specs and walked away, greeting people in her way.

“You met Jaina?” Baekhyun spoke up before you’d return to your family. They were too preoccupied with triplets who were now all awake.

You nodded, turning to him. His hand caressed your back. “She seems nice.”

“She is the boss,” Baekhyun chuckled, shrugging. He moved his head closer, whispering into your ear: “You looked so cute with Junhee in there, mummy.” His breath tickled you and you smiled gently. He looked at your face and stole a small kiss. “My beautiful wife.” His eyes traveled quickly over your dress, liking the way it looked on you.

“Congratulations to my smart hubby,” you played along and you circled your arms around his neck. “Your wifey is very proud of you.” You stood to kiss his cheek and Baekhyun let you. His eyes were sparkling at the sight of you. “Let’s go, triplets have something to say too.”

He laughed and took your hand, following you. He was welcomed by his parents and yours. The atmosphere was cheerful and you felt relieved that nothing bad went down during the ceremony. 

Everyone was taking pictures together, first Baekhyun alone with flowers and the majestic main building in the background, then you joined him, just the couple alone. Baekhyun tickled your sides, making you squirm and burst out into laughter while he watched you with a wide smile. He knew your parents didn't know how to work smartphones well, and so the sound of the shutter kept going off and off and off, catching every second of the banter. Your babies, each held by a grandparent, were watching you with big eyes, almost judgmentally scrunching up their faces. They were jealous when you and Baekhyn had a good time without them. Eventually, Baekhyun hugged you to his chest, his hands resting against your stomach, creating a lovely picture of the two of you. 

Of course it wouldn't be a family picture without your little munchkins. You took them in your arms before they could start a rally, Baekhuyn holding Juna and Junhee while you took your only son. As they were growing, it became harder to balance two babies in his arms, but Baekhyun would never give it up unless it was completely impossible to hold them.

You loved seeing your whole family together. But you loved it the most when Baekhyun was there, too.

<3

Both of you giggled at the same time when your hand tried to tickle his stomach and his fingers teasingly caressed your hip. You squirmed, hiding your face in his neck as you felt his breathy laugh on yours.

“Shh, don’t want to wake our parents, hm?” he hummed with a huge, boyish smile on his face but his fingers were relentless.

“Baekhyun!” you hissed breathlessly and tried to shimmy away from him but he was stronger. As soon as you managed to move an inch, he brought you back to him, his palm smoothening the skin, gently inching higher on your side, successfully leaving goosebumps in its wake. You pressed your face into his neck to hide the redness.

“I stopped now,” he murmured, a handsome timbre. “Want to leave your hiding space now?”

After a little hesitation, you leaned away from his neck and met his soft eyes. “Don’t tickle anymore.”

“I won’t, promise,” he smiled when his eye caught your pout. “But you tickled too.”

“To defend myself!”

“Then you promise too,” pouted Baekhyun as he rested his head on the pillow, facing you.

You were quick to scurry to him and he chuckled. “Okay, I won’t tickle you either. Promise,” you murmured into his clothed chest.

A hum came in a reply and you felt his head move, looking down at the top of your head. “And now seal it with a kiss.”

You smiled to yourself, letting your hand rub his chest as you looked up and strained your neck to kiss his puckering lips. A loud smack resonated through the quiet bedroom and you felt your heart skip a beat, hoping Baekhyun’s parents who were sleeping in the living room didn’t hear it.

“Mmm, one more,” you demanded and this time Baekhyun captured your lower lip, engaging you in a proper, romantic kiss that had your toes tingle. His hand came to cup your cheek and the both of you shifted, the bed sheets rustling. He hovered over you while slowly playing with your soft pillows, making sure to use minimum tongue as none of you wanted a heated session now out of all times. 

When he let go with a gentle smooch, he only moved away an inch, deciding to stay a little longer to smile at you. “You’re so pretty, my little lady.”

The unexpected words surprised you and a furious blush creeped in your cheeks, bringing sudden warmth into your body. “Ah, what are you saying.”

“The truth,” he replied calmly and pressed a final kiss to your forehead before he moved away and lied down next to you.

You sighed and once again scooted closer to him, wrapping your arm around his middle. Baekhyun caressed your hand and proceeded to wrap you up in his arms as well. “I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

“Oh baby, I’ll miss you too. And our munchkins,” he murmured and you pecked his cheek. “And these kisses.”

You smiled widely and kissed him again.

“But baby?” he asked, his voice raspy. You perked up, prompting him to go on. “Promise me you’ll keep close touch? And no surprises.”

Your eyebrows went shooting upwards at his weird demand. “We are always in close touch, honey. And whatever you mean with no surprises?”

He was observing you for a moment, thinking over how to speak his mind, his eyes flickering from your eyes to your nose and lips before looking back up to your expecting orbs. “I meant that… be careful. You’ll be home alone and I just don’t want uninvited guests.”

“You mean Junho?”

Baekhyun trailed his fingertips over your back. “Yeah,” he breathed, warily expecting your reaction. The last time you talked about Lee Junho you had a huge fight.

“I’m not in touch with him. Why would I be with him, Baekhyun?”

“He came uninvited last time,” he pointed out.

“That wasn’t my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t your fault, but I’m just saying that if it occurs again, I don’t want you to let him in is all.”

This time you observed your husband, his calm and collected expression an opposite to your gradually igniting insides. You felt like this was unfair towards you. Again.

“I'm not trying to cage you in-“

“Are all those beautiful female colleagues going with you to Japan as well? Will somehow Jiyoung appear too?” you asked in a colder tone and Baekhyun realized that you were building up your walls again.

“Yes, one of them is,” he told you honestly. His fingers have stopped caressing your skin, now frozen just between your shoulder blades.

“Okay, well then -“ you felt a painful lump in your throat forming at the fact that he didn’t even bother denying they weren’t beautiful- “make sure you don’t have uninvited guests in your hotel room,” you deadpanned. “You are a taken man after all.”

You scurried away, his hand falling on the space you created between the two of you. Baekhyun blinked in confusion and propped himself up on his elbow, looking at your back facing him. “Baby, what is wrong now? I only told you because I’m worried.”

“And am I not allowed to be worried? To let my handsome, charming husband who always needs attention, go on a one week long trip?”

His hand found its way to your hip when you felt his front pressed to your back. “Yet that husband wants only one woman’s attention.”

“It’s not gonna work,” you muttered stubbornly, trying to suppress the need to submit to his touches. “If you think the first thing I’d do is let another man - whom I don’t even know properly - enter our place without you knowing than I don’t know what we are doing,” you told him honestly, your gaze intently set in the curtains that allowed you to see the distant lights of other high rise buildings. Since you had the babies, you didn’t bother pulling the blackouts as you never got the proper rest anyway. Had you had blackouts you’d want to stay in bed all the time.

Baekhyun sighed but he still bunched up your shirt so he could accommodate his hand under it. “I just didn’t like how he came here suddenly and with a pathetic reasoning. If he does it again-“

“But he won’t-“

“If he does it again, I don’t want you to let him in if you’re by yourself with the little ones,” he finished more sternly, gradually disliking your attitude. You knew he was getting into the “I’m older” position.

You pursed your lips; you, on the other hand, didn’t like his attitude and his request.

“Hm?” Baekhyun gently squeezed your hip, urging you to acknowledge his words. “Answer me, sweetheart.”

“Alright,” you mumbled reluctantly.

He was quiet for a moment, closely inspecting your side profile. “You know I don’t mean bad. We don’t know who he is and whether he is even trustable. What if he did something to you?” Baekhyun had his own point that he wasn’t willing to let up on. He was a man and he knew what a man who wants a woman looked like. You wouldn’t understand him, but he knew what he was doing and he didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of you being near him. Obviously Lee Junho didn’t give two damns that you were happily married; therefore very much taken.

“Don’t be mad,” he sighed after a while when you still wouldn’t look at him. He brought his face closer to yours. “I don’t like us going to sleep with unresolved feelings, baby.”

“Me neither,” you muttered, closing your eyes when you felt his nose on your cheek.

“Then talk to me,” he rasped into your ear as his hand wandered under your shirt, igniting your insides with passion. “Talk to oppa.”

You sighed and moved to lay on your back, Baekhyun’s hand slipping and brushing your mound. You felt the thrill curse through you at the sensation. “I won’t let him come in. I don’t think he would  even visit anymore - but okay, I won’t do anything that you’d say no to,” you started and shivered when his thumb ran under your breast. He was watching you intently almost making you think he was looking for reactions from his sneaky actions. “But I will ask you to make a definite line between you and your colleagues. You have me and three kids. I don’t want you to flirt or even acknowledge their advances on you. You’re the professor who is hot and all the ladies want but is the most forbidden fruit in the department,” you said seriously. As you talked, Baekhyun’s smile grew.

“They know my situation, baby, there is no need for you to worry. Like, none at all. I always show them pictures of our munchkins and of you. You’re literally the background of my screen.”

You knew all of it of course. His lock screen was a selfie of the two of you smiling with your sleeping triplets after you signed the marriage papers, both of you dressed up. And his home screen picture was, to your dismay, you lying down with one leg prompted on the wall and the other spread to the other side with a very much pregnant bump revealed as the shirt was bunched up, ready for Baekhyun to apply some cream against the stretch marks. You were smiling at him with glistening red cheeks and you looked incredibly happy. That picture always surprised you; you had to admit that happiness really made everyone more beautiful and you weren’t an exception.

“I don’t care,” you whispered, closing your eyes when his palm dared to take a gentle hold of your mound, the way both of your bodies shifted closer once again making the bed sheets rustle in the quiet room exciting. “I don’t want any of that,” your mouth fell open with a shaky breath, Baekhyun’s face coming to your neck where he gave you a wet kiss.

“Okay, as you say, my princess,” he breathed, his hand now massaging your mound sensually.

Unconsciously you moved towards him, trying to make you more exposed to his wandering hand, your chest widening. He nibbled at the skin under your ear, his hand still working as if making a bread dough. 

“I don’t want you to be upset with me when I mean well,” he whispered in your ear, shifting closer to you until you felt him pressing to the outside of your thigh. “I don’t want you to misunderstand my intentions, baby,” he breathed shakily when you squirmed against him. You turned your head, a low moan leaving your mouth when you seeked his lips.

“I know, sweetheart,” you replied when his soft lips hovered above yours. “I know you mean well.” He hummed in reply and kissed you passionately, bringing out another small moan out of you. He traced the outline of your lower lip with his tongue, while his hand kept abusing your mound and nipple. He separated for the slightest moments, moving his head to the other direction before diving in again, pushing his tongue in as if it always belonged there. His hand traveled lower over your rib cage until it lay on your hip. He pushed it between the mattress, taking a hold of your bum, giving it a squeeze. Your own hands were messing up his hair before you dragged them over his chest and tummy, teasing the naked skin between his pants and t-shirt. Baekhyun shivered when you proceeded to abuse the inside of his pants.

“Sweetheart,” he breathed shakily when he separated with a delicious smack. “Not now.”

You were a little dizzy from the hotness of the room, your husband looking so alluring you couldn’t help yourself when you whispered: “Can you keep quiet?”

“Sweet-“

“Can you?” you pressed challengingly when you felt his own hand seeking an entrance into your panties. To prove your point, you wanted to move your hand lower but didn’t have to; you squealed quietly when you felt his tip right up. Baekhyun had to be in the mood for a while.

Baekhyun giggled at the sight of you, his face hiding in your neck to keep silent. “You dare to be innocent after what you’ve been doing just now?” he murmured and clicked his tongue. “Or after making three babies?”

You pinked, biting your lip to suppress an embarrassed laugh. “Well, to me it seems like you are refusing to answer me,” you told him mischievously as you slowly, gently pressed your palm against his length and Baekhyun had to close his eyes, his heart skipping wildly at your touches. “I’d love to-“

“Then that’s enough,” you murmured as you tilted your chin upwards, pressing your lips together. Baekhyun hummed and you felt his palm against your womanhood.

Upon feeling you up, Baekhyun abruptly disconnected your lips. “Shit, you’re soaking wet, baby,” he breathed shakily and you squirmed under him, enjoying how he was warm and just so ready in your palm. There was a particular prominent vein that you made sure to outline with your finger and Baekhyun was fast to become defenseless.

“It hurts,” you told him with your lips turned downwards, pretending to be hurt. “You need to take care of it.”

“God, where is this all coming from?”

You didn’t know yourself. Maybe you grew to enjoy the thrill of having to be quiet but be up to no good with him in your bedroom. You grew to look forward to what he would do if you tested him a little bit. You found yourself liking it when he was a little rough, a little out of his usual role.

“How about we both help each other out?” he whispered when you didn’t answer, his face close. “Like that one time,” he went on and separated your wet lips, slipping in his middle finger. Your breath hitched in your throat. “When you came to Seoul with me for the first time,” he darted out his tongue, licking at the corner of your lips.

At the mention of that one time, you almost combusted. It was the first time you got intimate with Baekhyun. He managed to persuade your parents to let him come with you when he was attending his university. They trusted him with you, though he couldn't leave without a special talk with your father. Nonetheless, it was a very, very special trip for the both of you.

“Let’s pretend it’s our first time then,” you suggested in a quiet, though a little trembly voice. “Touch me like the first time.”

If you could see properly, you’d witness Baekhyun’s pupils dilating, a flush growing in his cheeks. When your hand landed on his neck, you felt his erratic pulse and you were over the moon that you had that effect on him.

“You’d like that?” he muttered hotly.“You’d like oppa to finger you like you’re a virgin again?”

“Ah, yes,” you heaved when he added his index finger, sinking it knuckle deep inside. You didn’t waste time in wrapping your fingers around him, your thumb landing on his tip where you felt the precum leaking. You made sure to smudge it around, pressing down the slightest to get that soft, high-pitched moan from Baekhyun. He sounded wonderful. 

“You have to keep very, very quiet my little lady,” he murmured. “Since it’s your first time and you’re shy around oppa, I’m sure it won’t be a problem.” He was hinting at your past self. Baekhyun had to practically beg you to moan for him when he touched you the first time. Now he might have to beg for you to shut up.

You nodded and pumped him faster, Baekhyun’s fingers in you momentarily stopping for him to collect himself. He slowly lied down next to you, and you turned to face him. He removed his wet hand and wordlessly grabbed you under your knee before leading it on the top of his hip, spreading your legs. The two fingers were back right away and you let out a small erotic moan, making you squeeze his member a little. Baekhyun groaned quietly, his eyes closed and mouth open. The sight was out of this world and meant only for your eyes. The distant lights from outside illuminated his handsome face, his hair falling over his eyes. You’d brush it away had your hand not been jerking him off.

“Maybe oppa has to be a little more quiet, hm?”you teased breathlessly and let your blunt fingernails scratch ever so gently over the warm, tender skin before you cupped his balls and massaged them to his liking.

Baekhyun scrunched his nose, breathing frantically as he tried to focus on his fingers in you while enjoying your sinful ministrations. “Isn’t my little lady too good at this?”

You giggled quietly but stopped abruptly when he pinched your clit.

“Maybe you did it before?” he wondered aloud.

“Actually, there is this very hot hapkido master in the village,” you played along in a hushed tone and Baekhyun finally opened his eyes with a handsome smile. “He already touched me before you did.”

“So I’m not the first one?”

You dragged your hand higher, pumping him again. You buckled your hips when his thumb circled your clit while progressively adding a third finger, the stretch slightly stinking.

“Unfortunately,” you sighed with fake regret and Baekhyun groaned again, moving to crash your lips with his. He engaged the both of you in a very dirty, fiery kiss while his fingers became harsh and aggressive. You tried to follow your own hands movements but he was kissing the soul out of you. You were sure you’d bruise.

He rolled his hips into your palm and you sped up.

“Then I have to top him,” he said when he separated, breathing into your mouth. “I’ll prove you I’m much better.”

The both of you quickly let go of the old times, and with your experience now you were able to bring Baekhyun to the edge, his manhood twitching with the burning need to release. Before you could reach yours, however, he was fast to take away his hand and pull the covers off of your bodies. In came a strict order: “Suck it off.”

Just when he finished, warm liquid burst from him and you scurried to your knees, leaning over and successfully bringing him into your mouth with a hum. 

You were bobbing your head to give him the necessary warmth your mouth could provide while the release was shooting to the back of your throat. You swallowed as fast as you could though your own missed release made you a little frustrated.

When you made sure Baekhyun was all clean, you wanted to look up but he pushed you onto your back, your mouth undoubtedly letting out a squeal that was too loud.

“Shh,” he pressed a finger that was previously in you onto your lips. “You’ve got to be quiet,” he whispered seriously. And just like that, without realizing what he was up to, Baekhyun sank into you, your mouth hanging open and your back arching at the feel.

He sighed and started to thrust harshly while pushing your shirt up to suck on the swell of your breasts, as if trying to suck the milk out through the skin.

“B-Baek-Baekhyunnn,” you wailed into his ear and brought your hand to your mouth, covering it to keep it down. You were swimming in ecstasy. Your shirt was plastered to your back and your panties were basically ruined with the way they were soaked over. It was so intimate; the way you were both dressed in your sleepwear yet doing such dirty things while your parents were just outside your bedroom.

He snapped his hips and the good old build-up reappeared, making your eyes roll back. Just a few more aggressive strokes and you were coming along with Baekhyun, his hot seed filling you up. Both of you were heaving like you just ran a marathon and Baekhyun made sure to give you a sweet kiss and a little circle of his hips before he fell next to you, spent.

He turned his head, his chest rising and falling rapidly with a lazy smile. “I had to reward my princess for being such a good girl, treating oppa well.”

You smiled tiredly. “You're the best. And there’s no milk leaking,” you pointed out graciously when you didn’t feel any pressure in your breasts. “I guess the tactic is working.”

“Ah, wonderful. Now you won’t be a walking milk fountain.”

<3

Baekhyun was supposed to leave in a day and he was now out running some last minute errands, leaving you and your mother, who decided to stay at your place longer, alone. You were having breakfast, feeling starved after emptying your breasts. The past days, it seemed like Baekhyun and you were impossible not to touch one another, that wouldn’t eventually lead to something more. Especially now that he would be gone for a week, you found yourself sweaty in his arms more often. Last night wasn’t an exception, though you always had to be careful with being noisy since your mother was in the apartment. 

You hummed in delight at her pickled cucumbers that Baekhyun never liked, the crunchy sound loud in the quiet kitchen. 

Your mother was observing you and you felt it. You raised your eyebrows at her in question as you plopped another cucumber into your mouth while your other hand reached for the cup with fresh green tea your mother brought from the village.

Maybe she was shocked at how particularly messy you looked today. You didn’t bother tidying your hair and your shirt was wrinkled as it was carelessly tossed away the previous night by Baekhyun’s eager hands. Your bare legs were on full display as you felt unusually warm, your panties a good enough cover. 

“Daughter,” your mother decided to break the silence, “are you and Baekhyun perhaps… trying again?” 

The cup you were drinking green tea with froze mid way to your mouth. “Huh?”

Her eyes were lower on your neck and you realized with horrification that in the busy tasks of the morning you forgot to cover up your neck that had a few love bites. You weren’t used to having other people around in your house so it didn’t even occur to you to try looking decent. 

You pinked deeply as you shuffled on the stool. “N-no, goodness, why would you ask, mum…”

She sighed. “I might have overheard you a few times already-“

“Jesus!” you gasped, not letting her finish, and you wanted to disappear from the surface of the Earth. 

“It’s fine, no need to freak out, dear,” she ensured you calmly. “I know how you two get along so well and share a strong chemistry. And you’re both in your prime years anyway. I was just worried because you still have triplets that are infants. It’s hard to be a mother to them while you have another one in your tummy, but I know you know that, daughter.”

Even though the idea made your heart skip a beat, you shook your head resolutely. You were out of that safe three month secure zone now. You could fall pregnant even if you breastfed though the chances weren’t high. And if you admitted it, you and Baekhyun were being anything but careful while getting lost in pleasure. “I know, don’t worry. We can’t afford another baby anyway. It’s already challenging financially as it is.” And you didn't even want to get into the details about having to raise kids. It made you freak out - the thought of having to lead your three munchkins in life, prepare them for the bad times while hopefully shaping them into honest and caring people.

Your mum sighed but you saw her face expression soften. “Make sure you are safe then,” she promoted.

You really wanted the earth to swallow you up. “Mum, please… how do you even know we aren't?”

“You’re not taking the pills and obviously… there is nothing in the trash.”

You gasped again and you stood up, ready to run away. “Okay, that’s it. You checked?! Isn’t it weird for you to give me safety tips after birthing triplets? Besides, we have our own trash bin in the bathroom.”

She chuckled deeply, shaking her head. “I think motherhood really changed you. In a good way. Enjoy your life, as you should. Just safely.”

You deflated and sank down on the chair again. “I am. Though not the way I thought I’d be enjoying my life at this age.”

Your mum clicked her tongue. “You should come to the countryside while Baekhyun’s not here. You could catch up with people your age and you’d have a lot of peace. And you know both me and dad want to be with the little ones, Baekhyun’s parents as well.”

As much as it seemed great, you found it incredibly inconvenient to move around with triplets. You didn’t have a car, so you were pushed to use the public transport to reach your far away village.

“I’d love to…”

“Then come.” You looked down at your unfinished tea. “Come home to us for a bit.”

Pretending to be preoccupied with scrutinizing the tea cup, you only hummed. “I'll think about it.”

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

A/N:  It took me over two hours to edit this monster of a chapter. Please comment and reblog to let me know what you thought! :)

[cheri-translates]

[CN] S2 Gavin and MC in Chapter 11 (Part Two)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers from Season 2 🍒

Part one: here

On this cold and damp night, the roads of Loveland City are desolate.

Only one lane of bars in the city centre continues to have a hubbub of voices, and young people sway and shuttle back and forth the street.

Standing at the entrance of a luxury private club, I take a deep breath. According to the information I have, there’s an eye-witness to one of the assassinations here.

Based on the leads, the other party is highly likely to appear at this luxury private club, and could perhaps be an important witness to clear my name as a suspect.

I’ve discussed a few contracts here in the capacity of Nox. As such, the staff nod at me politely, and bring me into the room.

Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door politely.

The moment I open the door, the conversations within the room quieten down in succession.

Eyes sweeping the surroundings, I’m slightly startled. The ceiling light sways and illuminates everything clearly.

This place is even larger than I imagined. The interior decor is extremely luxurious, and even comes off overly spacious.

People of various styles are gathered in different places of the room, which is brimming with an atmosphere of pleasure and merriment. There’s self-absorbed singing, the scent of alcohol and smoke suffusing wantonly in the air. 

Someone sees me entering. Lifting his head, he whistles at me. The man sitting beside him sways his beer lazily.

??: Be careful, that’s Nox from Black Swan. Not everyone dares to toy with her.

While speaking, his eyes flit towards the deepest part of the room, and he arches his brows bemusedly.

??: Officer Gavin, does this count as the police catching an unlucky criminal?

Before I can react to what he means, the other person laughs aloud, holding up the microphone and carrying on the conversation.

??: In that case, Officer Gavin will be wiping us all out tonight~

With this, wanton chortles ring out in the room.

Despite what was said, everyone continues lazing around in their original positions. There is absolutely no fear in their eyes - there’s even a hint of arrogance hidden in them.

Following their gazes, I stare at the end of the room - Gavin’s here too.

Gavin’s wearing a simple black jacket, and is casually leaning against a sofa.

He holds a bottle of wine indifferently, crossing a leg over the other in the shadows, neon lights making his sharp features clear.

Those around him maintain a certain distance, as though showing him a degree of trust, yet unconsciously staying away.

As though not expecting that I’d appear here, he lifts his head to look at me, his gaze bringing with it an icy alienation and lack of familiarity. 

I put on a shocked expression, giving him a nod. Then, I take a deep breath quietly.

Most of the people here are difficult to read, and I can’t give the game away.

Composing myself, I sit on a sofa not far from Gavin.

Seeing me seated, he turns his wrist slightly. The beer bottle shakes, akin to a greeting.

??: Officer Gavin has a wide circle. He even knows someone from Black Swan.

Gavin doesn’t even look at him, bringing the beer to his lips indolently.

Gavin: Do I need to give you a report on who I know?

The man isn’t annoyed at all, and laughs along with others.

??: You should have told us that someone from Black Swan was coming. We bros could have made some preparations.

Gavin: Prepare what? To give her a salute? Anyway, I’m unfamiliar with Nox from Black Swan. The reason for her appearance here has nothing to do with me.

Gavin sways the bottle of beer in his hand, his guarded expression sweeping across my face, faint mockery laced in his tone.

Gavin: I’m not interested in what you’re doing here. You can get out now.

Hearing Gavin’s words, I feign experience as I pick up the bottle of beer in front of me, taking a shallow sip.

MC: I’m looking for someone, and won’t take much of everyone’s time.

I stare directly at the blonde man at a corner of the room.

MC: Old Pi, right? I have some things to ask you.

The man whose name was called doesn’t show any acknowledgement. Gavin snorts.

I turn towards the sound. Gavin isn’t looking at me. His gaze is fixed to the front, light from the screen illuminating the coldness in his eyes.

Gavin: Looking for someone isn’t a problem. But it’s my gathering today. Miss Nox isn’t showing due respect by dampening one’s spirits the moment she enters.

MC: Since it’s Officer Gavin’s gathering, it’s naturally not good to cause too much trouble. Old Pi just needs to answer my questions, and I'd leave immediately.

Gavin: I've never met someone who bosses people around like you.

MC: You have now.

Gavin doesn’t respond, but simply laughs softly. However, the room has quietened down at this point, and everyone seems to be watching the scene before them with rapt attention.

One man sees that things are taking a bad turn, and smiles as he mediates the situation.

Man: Why don’t the two of you have a private chat? After all, the aura of two tycoons is too powerful, and we normal people can’t really handle it.

The others immediately make sounds of agreement.

I nod, shooting Gavin a smile.

MC: Sure, I’m very wiling to speak to Officer Gavin in private.

Gavin looks at me thoughtfully. After a long time, he finally stands up.

Gavin: Everyone, continue.

I follow behind Gavin, leaving the room and entering another. When passing by the window, I take special notice of the building opposite the club--

Within the dark blue glass building, I know that a pair of eyes hidden in the darkness are observing us silently.

Staff: The two of you can talk over here. No one will bother you.

I grin as I watch the staff leave. Once he closes the door, I slump onto the sofa like a deflated rubber ball.

MC: Gavin, how was my performance just now?

I lift my head to look at Gavin. That aura of “strangers beware” has already been kept away. Hearing my question, he smiles.

Gavin: You did very well.

MC: Gavin, how did you confirm that Old Pi was the eye-witness for the third assassination incident?

Gavin: I have my ways. This person is enough to clear you from suspicion.

MC: Did you put in a lot of effort for this?

Gavin: It’s a trivial matter, don’t worry. Now that you’ve cast off suspicion, what follows will be the main task.

On the day I gave my report to STF, Gavin asked for assistance. We decided on a series of connected plans, and today’s performance is just one of them.

As for the others... as I recall them, Gavin stands up.

Gavin: It’s almost time to head back.

I nod, preparing to follow him. However, Gavin suddenly turns his head.

Gavin: Don’t drink anymore.

-

Gavin and I head back to the original room. The moment he steps out of the door, he reverts to his earlier state.

Gavin: Since you’re looking for him, ask him yourself. Whether he’s willing to depends on him.

After saying this, he glances at Old Pi, then sits down indolently, not looking at him again.

Old Pi walks to a bar counter in a quieter area, waving his hand and signalling that I should go over.

Old Pi: Since Officer Gavin has shown you respect, how could I not know what to do?

I walk over to him and sit down, and he starts chattering away endlessly.

Old Pi: I heard that Nox from Black Swan is pretty incredible. I didn’t think she’d be so incredible that even Officer Gavin would be persuaded. Go on, what can I do for you?

MC: Someone said that you witnessed the third Evol assassination incident. I want to ask you about the situation back then.

Old Pi says that he can’t really remember what happened, so MC uses her Evol to read his memories

During the third assassination incident, he was hiding in a corner and witnessed what happened. MC guesses that he didn’t want any trouble, which is why he didn’t bring it up

MC offers him money to be a witness. While Old Pi initially worries about his safety, MC reassures him that Black Swan can protect him. Old Pi writes his desired sum in her hand, and she agrees

Before MC leaves:

I stand up, looking at Gavin who is not far off.

MC: Many thanks to Officer Gavin.

Gavin: A piece of advice for you. Don’t investigate unnecessary matters.

MC: That will depend on the boundaries of “unnecessary”.

Without waiting for his response, I leave the club without even turning my head.

After MC leaves, there’s a small discussion in the club where it’s hinted that Gavin has been looking for an old criminal police officer, whether dead or alive

-

I spend the next few days organising the evidence and actively curating the testimony Old Pi has given to me.

On the day I receive Gavin’s phone call, I'm still combing through the testimony, hoping for it to be absolutely foolproof.

Gavin has arranged to meet me at an unfinished building. Setting down the things on hand, I arrive punctually.

Everything’s proceeding according to our plan.

The unfinished building is empty, and a piercingly cold breeze scatters recklessly. I shiver, and spot Gavin on the roof.

I move closer towards him playfully.

MC: Even if Captain Gavin wanted to protect a spy, he didn’t have to invite her to such a place to talk, right?

But Gavin turns around, staring at me coldly.

Gavin: What did you see in that person’s memories?

His expression is hidden in the afterglow of the setting sun. Together, the abrupt alienation and the cold wind bring me a stinging pain.

MC: Gavin, did something happen?

He doesn’t respond. His gaze seems to tell me that before I give him a reply, he won’t give me any.

MC: ...I saw what happened during an assassination. Old Pi’s an eye-witness of the third assassination incident. I have sufficient proof to show that I wasn’t there at the time. In other words, I have more concrete evidence to prove that I'm not involved in the Evol assassinations.

Gavin frowns, and it seems he hasn’t heard the answer he wanted to hear.

Gavin: That’s all?

MC: Is there anything else?

Gavin doesn’t respond to my question, and grows contemplative.

I can’t help but take a step closer to him. However, he once again puts distance between us without batting an eyelid.

MC: Gavin. Are you hiding another investigation from me, or is there something concealed behind the Evol assassinations? I could help you if you need it.

Gavin: It’s the complete opposite. 

Gavin: The reason why I called you here is to make it clear. Since you’ve cleared your name as a suspect, stay away from this matter. From today onwards, the assassination incidents have nothing to do you with you. Next time, you don’t need to do anything else.

His expression is resolute, as though he wants to push me far away.

MC: No matter what it is, I can help. I don't want you to get involved in danger alone.

Gavin: There’s nothing you can help with.

MC: Why... do you not trust me?

My mouth is agape, and I’m not sure what to say. All I can feel is my eyes stinging from the wind.

When he sees me like this, he sighs. But what he says is still incredibly saddening.

Gavin: I really want to trust you. But I can’t. I promise that everything will be resolved. Sometimes, it’s safest not to know anything.

It’s as though my heart has been wound tight, making it a little difficult for me to breathe.

MC: Are you going to shoulder everything on your own again? I can help you! Why don’t you believe that I can help you!

Gavin turns and walks to the side of the roof, staring into the distance at the dusk of Loveland City.

I follow him, walking to his side, and looking afar off. The dusk of Loveland City is bustling and harmonious. The dirty undercurrents simply surge in places that can’t be seen.

MC: At your side, I won’t face any danger, right?

Gavin turns his head, giving me a prolonged gaze, and is silent for a very long time.

He takes a step backwards quietly, and I turn around to face him incomprehensibly. 

Gavin’s expression is cool. The light casts a distorted shadow on his face.

He reaches out, giving me a light push.

I stop breathing. It’s as though the world has suddenly turned upside down, and the sound of wind at my ear grows even louder.

Gavin: I’m the greatest danger.

The passing wind brings Gavin’s voice to my ear. The loneliness in his voice brings a wave of anguish to my heart.

He stuffs his hand into his pocket in a suppressed and restrained manner, akin to the final gust of cold wind in spring. 

The blood-like dusk is behind Gavin, and it looks as though its drowning him.

I reach out to him. Everything in my view overlaps with the hand which he has hidden in his pocket.

If I were to be just a little closer, I could hold his hand.

Just a little.

Gavin: This is just a warning. Stop investigating.

I struggle to look at Gavin for the last time. But before I have the time to see anything, weightlessness takes over.

All that’s left in the world is the sound of wind.

Many images of Gavin’s face flash across my mind--

When he’s smiling. When he’s calm. When he’s quiet. When he’s tired. When he’s asleep.

One after another, Gavin’s face appears before my eyes, vivid and real.

He’s a normal person too. He experiences pain, gets tired, feels sad, and feels anger.

There’s clearly an easier path right in front of him. There’s light, fresh flowers, and applause.

But he chose a different path. He chose to act cautiously at every step, chose to carefully guard against every dash from the darkness.

He chose to carry the death of the director, the death of Yang Ping, and all the innocent and silent deaths of those in the assassination incident, and perhaps many more people’s silences, by himself.

As compared to light, darkness is always one step ahead. It hibernates, waiting for light to arrive.

He’s determined to find the truth for this group of people. Even if this path is deep and lonely, he’ll continue walking without wavering.

The weightlessness of the descent encases my entire body, and the coldness of the wind stings my skin.

I struggle to keep my eyes open, but can only see the ginkgo pendant fluttering in the wind on the wrist of my outstretched hand.

I suddenly recall that autumn day from a very, very long time ago, when I first saw ginkgo leaves dancing, the entire sky of yellow flying freely in the clear air.

But today, the blood-coloured dusk has entrapped that youth.

He’s all alone, walking towards his conviction, proud and forthright.

I don’t want, neither will I allow, such a Gavin to be alone, fighting this war alone.

The scenery speeds past, and I can’t see the surroundings clearly.

Clenching my fists tightly, I continue looking in Gavin’s direction stubbornly.

But at the last second of my fall, a layer of wind gradually spreads around me, quietly catching me.

This gust of wind gathers at my back, bringing me to the ground gently.

I’m lying in the wind, falling slowly to the ground.

Yes. This is just a warning.

I lift my head towards the roof of the building, and can vaguely see a figure there.

That figure seems to be looking at me too, woeful yet resolute, for a very, very long time.

I close my eyes, standing up quietly.

I walk to a small alley at the side, pretending to be fatigued as I lean against the wall and recall everything that just happened, afraid that I had left something out.

The city lights are unable to reach the depths of this alley. Lifting my head, I seem to see the stars which are covered by the neon lights.

I hope that my performance today was sufficiently realistic, and can allow the plan Gavin had talked to me about that day in STF to proceed.

After all, this is most important, second phase of our plan.

-

Here, there’s a flashback to the meeting Gavin and MC had in STF, where he explains that he’s been investing a “New Year’s Eve Change Incident” that occurred four years ago

That incident involved a majority of Evolvers who staged a riot, and had to be suppressed

Gavin suspects that there’s more to the “New Year’s Eve Change Incident”, because it’s incredibly difficult to find the people related to the incident

During the hospital hostage situation, there was finally a substantial development, but the person is still deciding if Gavin is worth trusting

That person is an old criminal police officer who participated in the “New Year’s Eve Change Incident”, and many people are hunting him down - either to find out the truth, or to silence him

He guesses that this incident is actually a scandal involving STF and those who are on an even higher level

Gavin has been investigating privately, but acknowledges that it’s only a matter of time before someone notices

And here’s a big reveal that I hope I can explain clearly enough: Gavin has already met the old police officer. It happened in the scene from Part One when the random guy in the alley spoke to him. And the reason why the officer even decided to meet Gavin was probably because of what he saw during the hospital hostage situation (he was the guy who offered the crying girl a tissue)

What Gavin plans to do is to investigate this matter more openly to pique the attention of the people behind the incident, and get them to think that he’s still looking for the old police officer

And Gavin needs MC to be the blind spot

Gavin plans to step down from his duties for three months. All the attention will be focused on him, and MC will be able to act without worry

Gavin’s task for MC is to cooperate with him. When the people behind the incident no longer has their eyes on MC, she has to leave a USB flash drive at the location that he tells her to, because he won’t meet the old police officer again to ensure his safety

Understanding his logic, I can’t help but applaud.

MC: That’s incredible. It’s just like a scene from a detective novel! Everyone thought that the time of death was in the morning, but the murder actually took place in the afternoon. So the murderer had a perfect alibi.

Gavin: Even though we’re the detectives, this analogy isn’t bad.

I stretch out my hand solemnly. Gavin pauses for a moment. With a turn of his wrist, he grips the USB drive back into his hand.

Gavin: Have you given it proper thought? After this, it means you’ll be roped into this matter with me.

MC: It’s a little late for Captain Gavin to say this now.

I put on a relaxed smile, wanting to reach out to take the USB drive in his hand.

When I touch his palm, I realise that Gavin, whose hands have always been steady, are actually trembling slightly.

When my hand draws closer, he holds it gently.

Gavin: But I’ll worry about you.

MC: But if I let you face everything on your own, I’d be even more worried. No matter how dangerous or difficult it is, I’ll face it all with you.

Gavin simply looks at me fixedly. I understand what he’s thinking, and return his stare seriously.

MC: As compared to keeping me out of the matter, knowing my movements at all times makes you feel more at ease, right?

Gavin: You’re right. After all, Nox from Black Swan knows how to keep herself busy.

He finally releases a sigh, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He releases my hand, and turns his gaze elsewhere.

Gavin: [sighs] Also, with you around, the performance for the other party will have the most persuasive effect.

MC: Why? Is it because our positions will be opposite when investigating this matter?

MC: ...or is it because it’s most unlikely for the STF to work with Black Swan?

Gavin: Neither. It’s because the other party definitely knows me inside out.

He looks at me again, his gaze shining.

MC: ...huh?

A little confused, I stare at him. Under my gaze, the tips of Gavin’s ears redden slightly, and his eyes avert to the side subconsciously.

Seeing such a Gavin, I’m even more confused. I can’t help but stand up from the office chair, walking to him and meeting his gaze.

He looks at me, the red hue spreading from the tips of his ears to the corners of his eyes.

Gavin: Cough. Under these circumstances, the person I’d want to involve least in this matter...

Gavin: Without a doubt, that person would definitely be you.

When he finishes speaking, he gives me a gentle pull, leaning his forehead against the roof of my head.

The tips of our fingers are incredibly close. Gavin’s hands are at his side. He simply stands in front of me, but doesn’t let me see his face at this present moment.

Gavin: After this, we won’t meet for a very long time. So, give me a little more courage.

-

[ back to the present ]

Gavin’s worried expression seems to linger in front of my eyes. I understand that this decision is incredibly difficult for him.

I can’t let him and his trust down. No matter what, I have to cooperate with Gavin and complete this sham performance.

Returning to my senses, I adjust my breathing in the alley, settling my heart rate, and once again step into the unfinished building.

Gavin has already left.

From the perspective of the person keeping watch on Gavin, Gavin’s private meeting with me today was to protect me in the form of a warning.

Because the other party has a sufficient understanding of Gavin, he would guess that Gavin’s cold attitude was meant to frighten me and push me away.

But he wouldn’t have guessed that this was all a performance that Gavin and I had arranged in advance.

They’ve underestimated the mutual trust between Gavin and I.

After the curtains have fallen on this performance, the other party will have a mistaken judgement--

That I’ve been removed from Gavin’s plan, and that he’s continuing the investigations on his own.

This way, I can convey information to Gavin in secret.

But today, I decide to add a solo to this performance.

After running back to the unfinished building, only the evening breeze flutters on the empty platform.

I pretend to be searching for Gavin, glancing at the residential building opposite.

I release a dejected sigh, so that the hidden person watching me in the darkness can see how upset I am.

...I just hope that my acting isn’t too exaggerated.

At the end, my shoulders are slumped as I leave the roof.

-

My phone rings in the empty building. I answer the call, and Zehn’s anixious voice drifts from the receiver.

Zehn: Boss, the eye-witness we saw at the club two days ago has been taken away by Gavin.

MC: Got it. Find a way to get him back. I want know what exactly Gavin’s up to.

Zehn: Understood.

I end the call, letting out a sigh.

Since I don’t know if my phone calls are being eavesdropped, I didn’t tell anyone about this matter.

Over the next duration, I’ll have to play the part of someone trying her best to chase after Gavin’s footsteps.

As a bait in this act, I’ll lead the other party to a completely different path from the goal.

I also have to continue playing the role of a suspect involved in the assassination incident, and a boss managing the various tasks of a media company--

There are many other things waiting for me to get done.

I have to find an opportune time to send Gavin’s USB drive.

At the same time, I have to continue investigating the information left behind by the deceased director - to see if Evol can lead to pathological changes in Evolvers. In other words, whether there’s a relationship between Evol and pathological changes.

And whether the mess of information is merely a gap or critical details related to the Hunter Game.

There are many things to do, but my heart is surprisingly very calm, and filled with motivation.

Gavin is walking down his path, and I naturally want to become the person who can stand beside him.

My footsteps become more determined, and my heart continually silently thinks about, and hopes--

That Gavin may be safe.

-

Gavin’s Post: While doing a thorough cleanup at home, I found a CD I used to hear frequently in middle school. 

MC: Did you also like this singer last time?

Gavin: Not really. I just heard it being broadcasted in school often.

-

Gavin’s Post: While doing a thorough cleanup at home, I found a CD I used to hear frequently in middle school. 

MC: Is today’s playlist a nostalgic style?

Gavin: Mm, I recalled some things from the past.

-

Gavin’s Post: While doing a thorough cleanup at home, I found a CD I used to hear frequently in middle school. 

MC: Keep it properly as a memento!

Gavin: Things that are truly worth remembering will never be forgotten, and won’t require these things.

Cheri’s Thoughts: There are so many issues with this chapter that I don’t know where to begin... T^T 

Papergames wrote S2 Gavin to be so mentally fragile that his conviction was wavered just because of two bullets (which he, the Special Operations Team, or the STF could have stopped...). 

Back in S1, his conviction wavered because he was indirectly contributing to the deaths of Evolvers, his Evol was going berserk, he could no longer protect the girl he loved, and even injured her accidentally.

I expected that one reason for his conviction to waver in S2 would be because his feelings for MC conflicted with his sense of justice. But clearly, this isn’t the case (unless Papergames is setting us up for another twist) because Gavin is more than willing to work with MC.

Also, what happened to never putting her in danger LOL 

S1 Gavin would never rope MC into a dangerous mission possibly involving the “other side” that has no qualms about resorting to violence to achieve their ends???

I’m happy that Gavin trusts her, but it just progressed too quickly that I don’t know how to feel about it...

💙 Support the cafe by dropping by the tip jar!

[azazelsconfessional]

((RPer tip/reassurance since I feel like. A lot of you in the housamo rp/ask blog community may be new to this.

(and I'm not saying this because I think this is happening or because anyone told me it might be. I just remembered some things I've seen, y'know, in my day. Because I've been at this on and off more than half my life.)

TL;DR: as far as I'm aware the housamo rp/ask blog community is a bunch of independent rpers. That means you have no obligation to go along with anyone's interests but your own, anyone's headcanons but your own, or even to play with anyone you don't want to. We're not a set group of any sort, so there can be multiples, people's interests and perspectives aren't going to line up, etc. . .and that's fine!

Roleplay 'exclusivity' refers to the practice of only playing with certain people or only doing certain things with certain people(only playing with one particular version of a character; only shipping with one person or character or version ofna character; etc). It's common in roleplay groups--i.e.,among non-independent roleplayers--but it's also practiced among independents. These people are more likely to coordinated with/expect from one another alignment of headcanons, etc(although it's not always required/expected--it's up to the individual rpers!)

Please don't pressure anyone to conform to your own headcanons, ship with you, etc. Offering or asking or talking about it is fine if they're cool with it! Similarly, don't feel like you need to do anything you don't want to. It's your blog. We all have fun in different ways.

One of the joys of rping and ask blogs for me personally is seeing all the different ways people portray a character, a world, how different people write and depict things even if I don't agree/mesh well with them myself. Seeing different interpretations and especially seeing how those interpretations may mesh with each other. If everyone conformed to the same things out of some obligation, it just wouldn't feel as fun to me--and probably not to everyone involved either.

On that note, I never engage in exclusivity myself. It's not my thing. In general my only standards relate to shipping and, like, not being an ass.

Anyway longer post under the cut. If you ever have questions about rp stuff, I'm totally open to trying to answer them! 👍🏾

'independent' rpers are rpers who aren't affiliated with/attached to a group/other player. That doesn't mean they don't play with orher characters, just that they aren't obligated to play with anyone in particular or by any rules/regulating aside from their own.

Oftentimes in rp communities there are rp groups. These groups often require things like applications to get into(to see if you have a good handle of characterization, writing etc). Usually within these groups, everyone plays with each other and their characters' "official" depiction of/reference to other characters will refer to the corresponding character/rper in their group. Sometimes these groups have specific scenarios/timelines/aus/etc, especially if they're crossover groups, and the character exists within whatever the boundaries of that may be.

Sometimes these groups call for exclusivity--that is 'you do not use this character/account outside of this roleplay'.

Exclusivity and independence (or a lack of it) also applies to individual rpers/blogs/characters too. For example, there are two Azazel blogs that I'm aware of, my own and Azazel-One-Who-Sees-All(played by Eden-The-Moon-Dancer) If someone were to say they were exclucive with Eden's Azazel, they would not play with my Azazel(or in rarer cases any interaction with my Azazel would have the in character expectation that he act like Eden's, usually for comedic or dramatic dissonance) because 'their' Azazel is Eden's. Thus they wouls consider Eden's Azazel their 'canon' Azazel, and any references made on their blog to Asazel would be to Eden's. Exclusivity doesn't need to be mutual--if I were to say 'ChatWithAna is my MC' that doesn't mean Ana can only play with me. Grace is allowed to do whatever they want in terms of their blog and play with or not play with whoever they want.

Exclusivity isn't just character based. Some people exclusively ship with certain people(I've seen this among people who are in a relationship irl. . .in my experience it means there's something wrong if one or both partners don't feel comfortable letting the other write fictional relationships with other people. It's not always that way--some people only ship with people they're really close to because it's a quality/enjoyment control thing. But I've seen "my partner rped a ship with someone else and this counts as cheating on me" actually happen way too many times not to throw a red flag at it.) but will play with others. Some people don't play with multiples(people who play the same character as them) or people who play with other versions of their character(i.e. if I required exclusivity from people who played with me, I wouldn't play with someone who played with Eden's Azazel.)

However, especially in small communities of indie rpers like this one, please don't feel obligated to do or play something or with someone if it doesn't suit your fancy. You don't have to interact with other rpers at all if it suits you, just like you don't have to answer every ask if you don't like it.

Just because someone ships something or has certain headcanons doesn't mean you have to apply them to yourself or agree to go along with them. That expectation is for exclusive rpers and rp groups--and even then there's a limit to what's reasonable. We're all independent rpers. Please don't pressure anyone to act according to your interests or be exclusive with you if they aren't interested, and if you don't want to do something you can always say no, even if there are expectations in play! On that note, if someone says they're not interested in doing something with you, don't be discouraged! You're independent! You can still reference and enjoy it, it's just not for that person in particular.

Also having certain standards/being uncomfortable with certain things/etc isn'f exclusivity. It's okay to have certain standards(although you also need to understand that not everyone will be in alignment with them and it will likely reduce the amount of people who will/can play with you.) That's just having restrictions--most people have them on a 'rules' page that's linked for accessibility. You don't really get to complain about people not reading your rules if they can't find em lol. It's also okay to be super open and not really have any restrictions!

Just. Mind your manners and remember that this is supposed to be fun for you but you can't force anyone to have fun your way. Discuss things! See if things can be worked out/experimented with! But don't have any expectations and don't feel any obligations. I see this happen way more often with ships than anything.))

[fluffnstuffq]

We all know that the “kin for fun” trend is bad. 

Recently, however, the question of “why is it bad?” has risen in prominence, and thus I’d like to give my two cents on the matter. I initially wanted to give a rehash of the whole “this is a community which has been around for decades, please don’t appropriate its terms because you don’t know what you’re talking about” spiel.. though I know that’s been repeated endlessly to no avail. 

Dozens of times I’ve tried to explain that, though I’ve often been faced with the “words change” or “it’s just a game, it harms no one” argument.

So I’m taking a more personal approach.

I don’t know if my anecdotes will change anyone’s mind, but if anyone in the “kin for fun” community sees this and actually reads through it, I implore you to try to listen to genuine otherkin, do some research, and find other terms that better suit you.

Beware, long rambling anecdote under the cut.

It is hard to believe that, a mere 8 months ago, I was new to the otherkin community. 

I’d been reading about and researching otherkinity in depth for as long as a year prior, though it was as recently as May 2020 upon which I took my own first step into evaluating my own experiences, creating an otherkin oriented side blog, and formally taking the plunge into what I’d initially assumed, from fun “kin assign ask games” or “no doubles drama”, to be a trend.

While I quickly versed myself in the original, serious and introspective parts of the community, I had my fair share of run-ins with those of the “kinnie/kin for fun crowd”. One such experience, over the course of about two-three months, forever left an impression on the way I view the community (and the problems within it) as a whole.

Without naming names, some of the individuals we encountered turned out to be... the practical embodiment of some of the worst facets of this community.

They were the prime example of the misguided “kinnie” mindset. Dead-set on fitting under the ‘kin label, though unwilling to do any research on their own. Faking out of control, dramatic shifts to seem more “valid” to genuine otherkin (more on that later). Willing to go as far as picking traits from other people’s original characters to “customize” their “kinsonas” perfectly. 

However, aside from their merely misguided attempts to fit in (which could’ve been easily fixed if not for the stubborn kinnie mindset), the most scathing of their actions highlighted some major issues of the “kin for fun” side.

In just a few months, we had our identities stomped on and treated like nothing more than a game. 

You see, the “kinnie” mindset is not self contained. It is almost impossible to maintain this mindset and respect the involuntary, deeply personal nature of otherkin history, due both to widespread misinformation/trends, as well as the common plague of stubborn ignorance of definitions.

In most cases we’ve seen, once one steps fully into the mindset that their own kintypes are nothing more than a game or an act, they begin to at the very least subconsciously view others’ experiences the same way. 

This is obviously not the case for all those who take on alterhuman identities by choice (ex: copinglinking). However, in taking on the “kin for fun” label, one immediately disrespects the identities of others by appropriating and bending terms with a history to fit themself. 

And once one establishes that they lack care or concern for the already, dare I say, endangered terms once meant to foster a sense of community and understanding, of shared experiences... that person already predisposes themself to spiraling into greater disrespect and ignorance of the identities of others.

The individuals that we encountered, like many others of this mindset, used their so-called “kins” for the sole purpose of feeling validated, for looking “cool” and as leverage to get their way. Because it was nothing more than roleplay and a brief interest to them, they often treated others’ kintypes as something that could be similarly discarded/”turned off” or reset. As if others’ kintypes were nothing more than characters which didn’t deserve respect.

Exotrauma and otherwise painful memories, while stressful and sometimes nightmare inducing for us, were nothing more than fodder for outlandish “story ideas” and “angst” for them. 

In the cases of these individuals faking shifts, they often acted in ways threatening and even triggering to those around them; though because it was just a show for them, they failed time and time again to recognize the negative impact their violent “shifts” had on others. 

They had no restraint, for both their own actions and the fearful/concerned reactions of others were just harmless roleplay in their eyes. (I do feel like..  even roleplay should have boundaries if the events of a story upset the people participating, and the notion that anything goes, even at the expense of someone else’s comfort.. it just gives very uncomfortable “fiction does not affect reality” vibes. Though, that’s a story for another time).

As our experiences weren’t real to them and never had been, they often conflated us with the “canon characters”, like we and many others they interacted with were nothing more than toys to fixate on, change and push “headcanons” onto, and test the limits of.

And because they didn’t care to learn, because individuals such as these continued to remorselessly fall deeper into the rabbit hole of “I do whatever I want/I don’t care to learn otherwise”, the lack of consideration grew more severe.

Those who “kin for fun” may certainly be experiencing.. something, I will not discount that assertion. Whether copinglinking, a hearttype, or merely a fictionflicker/cameo shift. However, it’d be disingenuous to say that it is harmless for them to continue to warp and pick at terms that do not and will never fit them. For every joke, every dozens-long “coping-kinlist”, every admittance of “haha I was never a serious kin”, they all do the same in spreading misinformation. 

As I see more and more people self-identifying as “copinglink, but using the kin title because it sounds better”, even if calling oneself “a non-serious kinnie”, one wonders... why use those terms if you know they do not fit? Why encroach upon communities of bittersweet memories, of aching homesickness, of involuntary nonhumanity, only with the intention of putting on an act?

Why fight so hard, when directly told and shown how “kin for fun” actively tears apart the already dwindling otherkin community on this platform? Why cling so hard to words that are not yours, why force change upon the definitions of words meant to be a safe haven for those searching for understanding? Why paint “serious otherkin” as dangerous gatekeepers, sufferers of clinical lycanthropy, or those merely suffering from delusions/hallucinations?

Because of those who “kin for fun”, I was initially steered away from investigating my own identity; I’d only seen the jokes, the toxic “kin drama”, the cringe blogs and factkin and “kinning”. Because of “kin for fun”, it took me over a year to come to terms with my own alterhumanity, in all of its facets.

Because of “kinnies”, my fears are proven time and time again that I will come across someone who views my identity as roleplay at best and “childish, a phase, character theft” at worse. Because of “kinnies” and the mindset they’ve fostered, time and time again someone steals my memories, my experiences, my identity, justifying it as creating their own version, like an AU of an AU.

Because of “kinnies”, time and time again I’ve been told to “stop taking things so seriously, it’s just for fun” when complaining about my identity being minimized. I’ve been told that “kinnies”, despite appropriating an already existing community, are the “normal ones”, the “sane ones”, the “good ones” who don’t really believe in all that they boast. 

Some have even told me that it doesn’t matter at all, for all they can see is a trend with no real hold over their identity in the longrun. “It won’t matter in ten years”, they say. 

Perhaps not for them, long after their interest in the “trend” has faded. But for me and countless other genuine otherkin? In ten years I will still be Blixer from Just Shapes and Beats, I will still be an unnamed creature of woods and starlight and faded memories of golden lanterns, I will still be otherkin, and I will still carry the scars of my identity being torn to shreds and thrown into my face like dirt.

I cannot run from my kintypes and never could, even when I was afraid of them. “Kinnies”, in most cases, hardly believe my identity really exists.

What do they believe, then? What are they trying to achieve, scrubbing away the less “aesthetically pleasing”, fluffy bits of this community? What good does it do them to take meaningful, personal words to describe an identity that they can shed at the drop of a hat if it is “problematic” or boring at the end of the day?

One can smile and nod and say that, despite “kinning for fun”, they still respect otherkinity as a whole. And I say, in most cases, that reassurance is hollow. You have already stolen our words, you have already spread misinformation.

This has stumbled into rambling territory, so I leave a few questions, honest, genuine questions.

I ask those who “kin for fun”, what is the allure of words that you have stolen? What is the allure of having the blood of a shattered community on your hands?

As many others have said before, you may find a place in the greater alterhuman community. We have terms for you, as well as many other specific experiences.

Why fight so hard to steal our haven, to push us out of our own spaces, when your own words are waiting for you with open arms?

Words change, yes, but why fight so hard to change them at the expense of others?

[blake-belladonna-defence-force]

So... coming out as Not Cis can be pretty scary. You can never be 100% certain how it will go so there’s always this sense of anxiety about it.

But here’s a cool and positive lil thing that happened when I went for an interview with my job network provider;

I was interviewed by an older cishet bloke and he’s working really hard to find a job that works within my neurodivergent and physical limitations, which is awesome. Today, I showed up in my black jeans, combat boots, white button down shirt and black vest and he asks me, very quietly and tactfully, “Tell me if I’m stepping out of line... But is there a reason you dress like that?” and I felt a mild stab of panic and responded with “UH! I just... lean more towards the masculine style of dress?” as my voice went several octaves higher than my usual speaking voice.

He nods and gives me this reassuring smile and asks “Okay... it’s just you dress so differently to people I usually work so I just want to check in. Should I address you as a man or a woman?”

I’m feeling a little more comfortable and safe now that he’s had such a gentle, easy going reaction so I, albeit very nervously, say “I’m... actually non-binary.” I didn’t really delve into the whole demigirl thing because... that’s just a lot to get into.

This man then gives me another reassuring smile and says “Oh! I’ve worked with other non-binary people before. Would you like me to note that down for other workers?”

I’m absolutely stunned that everything is being accepted so casually so I just say “Yes, please... and uh... I use they/them pronouns as well.”

“Oh, I’ll note that too... but only if you’re comfortable with that?”

“Yes, please.”

This man then goes on to tell me that the company understands that gender is a very complex thing and that they are always trying to educate themselves because their goal is for their clients to feel comfortable and safe with them.

Cue me trying not to grin like an idiot and keep myself from getting emotional.

Then he tells me that there’s a thing where they set clients up with work clothes so I can tell them I prefer to dress in men’s clothing and feel more comfortable and confident in my own skin.

At this point, my job provider (who had been in a meeting) comes over to talk with us and the first bloke tells him (with my consent) that I’m non-binary and use they/them pronouns and this dude takes it in stride. For the rest of the interview, these two cishet men are referring to me by they/them without faltering a single time while apologising if they get it wrong.

Even had a chat with one of them about my trilby!

And when I thanked them for taking the time to learn and make queer folks feel safe and comfortable, they immediately told me that it’s their job to be a place of comfort and safety, to prepare us for work and build our confidence up. They make mistakes but they’re trying to learn and educate themselves so that people like me feel safe.

And let me tell you... I walked out of that interview with a bounce in my step and a delighted grin on my face. It was just... such a good experience!

Like... this cishet man clocked me as “Not Cis” right from the start and instead of making me feel unsafe, he went out of his way to check in and prove to me that I can feel safe with them. At no point did I feel like I was being forced to put myself. It felt more like... I was being given a chance to open up about who I am and that’s not something that happens often.

Honestly... maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. When I first met him, he took one look at my body language, smiled and held up his hands non-threateningly and said “You don’t like men coming near you, do you, kiddo? It’s cool! I get it. It can be pretty intimidating huh? May I shake your hand before we sit down?”

*snort* Dude’s observant as fuck, y’all.

It’s... really fucking amazing to be working with a company that respects my boundaries, respects my limitations and respects my identity like this. It’s strange, really, and refreshing to not have to hide behind “Oh... I’m just a butch woman” and instead have the freedom to say that I’m non-binary.

[hopeshoodie]

hi! what would the s2 lis be like when meeting mc's parents?

Arjun

Of all the LIs, I’d personally be most comfortable with Arjun and Noah meeting the parents, and I think Arjun would be better. Arjun’s a natural conversationalist, he knows where reasonable boundaries are and can sus out the touchy subjects based on people’s reactions. He would be extremely respectful and polite, but not in that stilted ‘I am uncomfortable’ way. He’s super comfortable jumping into discussions and just kind of makes himself at home. The most awkward he would get would be going in for a hug and then drawing back when he realizes MC’s dad wants a handshake.

Bobby

We know that Bobby gets really performative when he’s uncomfortable. And meeting MC’s parents is going to be very uncomfortable for him. First of all, he’s going to REFUSE to touch MC or even really acknowledge that they’re romantically involved. For some reason, having eyes of authority figures on him or too much attention turns his relationship from “future wife” to “my goofy bestie”. He’s going to go out of his way to be extra jokey and goofy, and the more people are unamused by him the harder he’s going to try to get people to laugh. I feel like that escalates from him making self-deprecating jokes that no one laughs at to him doing actual physical comedy like pretending to slip or drop things, all while MC buried her face in her hands in embarrassment. He’s also going to be super eager to serve- jumping up when the dishes need to be done, sticking his head in the kitchen and insisting he help cook (even if everyone else is in the living room), insisting he go out in the rain/snow to warm up other people’s cars if they’re planning on leaving soon. Like just generally doing Too Much and then when they leave he just deflates into a ball of shame and self-consciousness.

Carl

He’d be very polite, giving everyone a handshake and a smile, but he’s very very uncomfortable. No matter how welcoming or lovely MC’s family are, they’re still… New people, in a new place, a change in his routine. He’s going to be rather quiet (per usual) and only participate in conversation if he’s prompted to or if someone directs a question to him. MC is going to have to steer the conversation towards him a lot, like “Carl’s actually working on developing an app similar to that, right babe? Tell us about it!” If it’s a big family event like a reunion, Carl’s going to find the one (1) cool cousin and chill in the corner with them.

Elisa

I feel like she would be really out of sorts because she’s so used to using her clout and beauty to instantly charm people and others being taken aback by her bubbliness and hotness, but that’s not really a thing to MC’s parents/family. Like, she’s never been ‘someone else’s girlfriend’ because she’s always framed herself as the main character (and not gotten close enough to her partners to even out the scales in her mind). But suddenly she’s thrust into this really casual setting where no one knows or particularly cares about her status, and it’s jarring. She definitely shows up overdressed in something a little too revealing or edgy, and it takes her more than five dinners with MC’s family to really drop all pretense and be genuine with everyone.

Felix

He’s turning up his jokiness and argumentativeness to a 10 as a defense mechanism for feeling out of place, just like Bobby. Unlike Bobby, he gets discouraged when it doesn’t work and slowly lapses into silent pouting as more and more jokes flop or he gets corrected. It takes a little reassurance from MC, but with time his sweeter side comes out and MC’s parents walk away thinking “what a nice boy”.

Gary

I try not to have many thoughts about Gary, but I bet he’d either not want to meet the parents and be really dodgy if MC insists or be overfamiliar with them right off the bat, depending how into MC he is. If he’s hopelessly into MC, he’s going to be hugging everyone on first meeting, maybe call her mother ‘mom’ in that uncomfortable way that overconfident men do.

Henrik

Henrik’s probably the second best in this scenario because he’s so laid back, and he matches other people’s energy easily. He’ll just seamlessly fold into conversations, and laugh for the right amount of time at MC’s dad’s jokes. Henrik has that really warm, reassuring, kind presence that makes everyone feel at home and he’s used to being in big family units, so I think everyone would just be happy to have him around, regardless of how well they know him.

Rahim

My precious. Love of my life. He is so, so bad at meeting MC’s parents for the first time. First of all, he’s touching MC an uncomfortable amount. He’s pulling out her chair and guiding her into it before pushing it in, his hand’s on her knee, he’s holding her hand above the table, his arm is around her shoulders, his hand rests on her lower back. Super romantic, but like oh my GOD please do it in moderation and not in from of her parents omllll. He’s going to revert back to that awkward ‘I don’t really talk and if I do I’m going to stammer over my words and get really flustered when making a point’ thing. He shakes MC’s dad’s hand a little too hard and comes across as really high strung.

Kassam

I don’t think MC’s parents will like him at first because he comes off very disdainful. He doesn’t mean to, he just struggles to create topics of conversation that include mutual interest, and doesn’t really feign interest when her family is talking. He doesn’t particularly like little kids, so if MC has a niece or nephew he’s probably going to grimace when their pick their nose/get burped and throw up/make a mess of their food/say something weird. He thinks he’s being polite by declining to ramble about his own interests, but it comes across as him being rude because when you ask him a question he answers with 1-3 words.

Lucas

I would let my daughter or son marry Lucas, that’s how good he is at meeting MC’s family. He comes across so gentlemanly, worldly, refined, and confident. He’s making all the right moves to a traditionally minded parent (holding doors open, covering the check, fetching her coat, having perfect etiquette), he speaks eloquently and in turn, he asks questions and genuinely listens to the answers. He just seems like a perfect man. Until you know him too well or get too many beers in him, but he’s careful not to let that happen.

Marisol

If I brought Marisol home to my parents, I can picture them nodding and then saying “she seems very… Nice… But you know. A lot.” Marisol doesn’t know how to temper her own argumentativeness or assertiveness, and she has opinions on everything. So if MC’s family member says they recently saw a movie, she’ll go off on this rant about problematic themes within the movie for five minutes, not realizing that she’s putting everyone off of her. She tends to dominate the conversation and talk about her accomplishments with a bit more pride than it tasteful. But the way she looks at MC, with all the admiration and softness in the world, almost makes it worth it.

Noah

He’d be awesome meeting the parents, but even more awesome meeting the cousins/nieces/nephews. The more people there the more comfortable Noah is, because less attention is directly solely on him. But it’s very clear to everyone in the room the immense amount of respect and adoration he has for MC, and he’s extremely polite and agreeable. They probably assume he’s a bit bland upon the first few meetings, and maybe Noah doesn’t do much outside of a few well timed jokes to show them otherwise.