#and I tried to rp it because my character wouldn't be scared

[astrxthesiai]

♢ Has anyone ever tried to steal your blog? Your headcanons? Icons? All that jazz

♚ How many people don't like you?

⚜ How many people do you not like?

☢ What fads/trends are you so over?

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

✦ Thoughts on duplicates following you?

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

❣ How salty are you feeling right now?

This shit is under a read more cause it's 2012-2017 drama.

♢ Has anyone ever tried to steal your blog? Your headcanons? Icons? All that jazz

No, not yet thankfully. I'd laugh and sob at the same time if it did happen.

♚ How many people don't like you?

I have no idea, but I know a few people who disliked me from 2012-2015 time. If there are people now that still dislike me for just existing and writing my Senshi girls, I'd laugh and say "Tough nuggies" I'm roleplaying. They're likely chasing more ghosts than me.

⚜ How many people do you not like?

You asked me this already. But a few people from the 2012-2017 years.

☢ What fads/trends are you so over?

The fad/trend of hating on female OCs is so over. Sorry, not sorry. If you want someone to improve their OC, you need to engage with them. They're not going to automatically take a look in their mirror and see their own shit on the bed.

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

The telling me on Skype some people disliked me for forcing a ship on them, and a group of them no less. I did something stupid after that cause I'm a Scorpio Moon and petty af. Now if they did that to a friend of mine, I'd probably do worse.

✦ Thoughts on duplicates following you?

I thought it wouldn't be so bad at first. Then after I felt like I couldn't engage. And now I feel like I can engage since my dupe and I have different headcanons for our babies. All that really matters is that you love the same character.

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?

When I first engaged I was scared off by a Squalo and Xanxus roleplayers, because I didn't know about Ottavio. The Xanxus I rped with was headcanon to be misogynistic I think. Squalo actually beat up Sarina and used his metal hand on her. I lost my motivation to rp Sarina back then. I brought her back cause I said "fuck it" and I knew more about Ottavio's seat.

❣ How salty are you feeling right now?

I felt like chasing some ghosts and getting some things off my chest, so I felt better. I'm always salty cause I eat lots of saltine crackers.

[gentleeclipsey]

Was it worth it?

I swear to god if this is who I think it is I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I'm going to be brutally fucking honest about my feelings and I don't care, if you decide to read this that's on you. I have blocked you five times, there is a hint and then there's a blatant get the fuck away from me.

But, if you're not who I think you are, in some capacity I'd say yes. Fair warning, a lot of bad stuff mentioned, also a bit of a rant because I've never told anyone outside a few friends who aren't on tumblr. Also I'm sorry, this is gonna be long and disjointed, the whole thing makes me angry to an unnatural degree, I've never been this angry at someone in my life. TL;DR just below the cut:

TL;DR: my ex destroyed my mental state and Trollhunters made me realize that, now I'm single and happier for it. Now onto the rage.

I made a lot of friends despite my partner's actions, and I have characters who I absolutely love, I'm free, I feel good, I'm not scared to be alive. I'd say it wasn't worth all the bullshit I put up with. I'm angry at myself because I was so spineless, even now I still can't fucking make heads or tails of half the shit that happened.

I don't care anymore. They'll always see me as a horrible person, I did my best and I was never enough, I'd never be enough no matter how much I tried. No matter how many times I cried, no matter how many times I had to hide things from myself so I wouldn't leave new marks, no matter how many times I apologized, it'd always be my own fault and at this point I've just accepted I was fucking pathetic and horrible and I don't care. I had to spend every waking fucking moment catering to them, talking to them, and they'd get angry because I wouldn't realize what was wrong and I wouldn't fucking pry it out of them and bend over backwards for days to make them feel better. I had to ask for a break somewhere in the middle because between classes, work, and them, I was so fucking overwhelmed and I tried to explain it to them but they didn't believe me or didn't care but every time they had the chance they'd rub my face in the fact they were so hurt over the fact I needed a break to regather myself.

Mind you, their pain was more important than mine. When I first had Jackie, she was my favorite OC. I loved using her, I still do, but they hid their feelings about her for so long that when they told me they didn't like her and called my emotions toxic for being upset. When they tried to rub that break in my fucking face again I told them about the absolute painful hurt I felt over what they told me and most essentially they basically told me that pain didn't mean anything because it wasn't like their pain. I was fucking trying to craft her to be appealing to them, to make her what they wanted so we could just be happy again but they fucking threw all that out the window.

Wanna hear the best part? I couldn't fucking talk to anyone outside of them publicly, even to use Jackie with others despite the fact they hated her. I have Sage to thank, because they were the first person I interacted with publicly that made me start seeing my partner for who they were. They got so fucking mad over a short text RP, later told me they wanted me to make friends, then fucking went back on it and fucking got upset because I apparently treated people I talked to casually better than them.

They rubbed my face in the fact they had breakdowns in public because of shit they started. When I'd pass out they'd get quiet with me and have a short temper but if they passed out I had to be understanding. If they vanished for days at a time I wasn't allowed to be upset but if I vanished they'd have a fucking breakdown. I made myself be so understanding to them becsuse they were sick and they never fucking thought twice. Never. Because I wasn't sick like them that meant I always had to be perfectly fine. Always. Perfectly. Fucking. Fine. They admitted to me they tried to train me. Train me. Like I'm a dog. Like I'm a fucking dog. I cannot begin to tell you the absolute whirlwind of rage I felt in the moment I read that but I kept my head by some fucking miracle.

Trollhunters is what broke the back of all the shit that'd been happening. It started with Undertale, it ended with Trollhunters, and they took my fucking OC from me and told me for years that that OC wasn't mine exclusively, and now I don't have a fucking choice. I can't even begin to describe the absolutely disgusting anger I feel over the fact I literally can do nothing to get my OC back because they've told me for years she wasn't mine and I can't fucking remember anything clearly and I doubt myself constantly now. I cannot begin to describe the absolute disgust it makes me feel I can't do anything to fucking get my OC back and that I hate more of my OCs because of their bullshit.

To contact a fucking artist, an amazing, wonderful person fucking 5 years later and say that I stole their OC and to take down the art? What the fuck. Funnily enough, I have Jackie most specifically to thank for making me realize! Wanna know what the fuck they said to me? "I was upset because I felt you loved her more than me." I WISH I WAS FUCKING LYING. I have so few screenshots but Jesus fucking christ I cannot explain to you the absolute seriousness in which that was stated.

I cannot even begin to describe the anger I feel over everything that happened. Not in the fucking slightest. They always accused me of not loving them anymore, of hating them, when they first started saying that it wasn't true, but now I can't fucking stand the idea of them anymore. I hope they see all the shit I do now, how much I draw Jackie being happy despite their shit.

So yeah. I have Trollhunters and Jackie to thank for helping me realize how bad things had gotten, because if it weren't for my absolute hyperfocus on it I don't think I would've seen what'd happened as soon as I did. There are so many emotions in here I can't describe at all, and I know if they saw this they'd immediately try attacking me publicly. Hell they might see this because I've had to block four fucking accounts already. Five if you count discord.

I feel like I should've taken way more screenshots than I did, but I'm not going to post them, I want to move on from this but I have so much simmering rage over what's happened its taking me a while. They're not in the Trollhunters fandom, at least, they're barely on social media as is aside from lingering accounts. Trollhunters is my safe space now, as is Jackie and my closest friends.

[ah-b-plus]

Excellent. Took several years, but made it to the end.

Ambition: Nemesis spoilers by the way.

I should add some of own commentary on this, probably, so here we go.

I originally began playing Fallen London in I think 2021, because I saw a gif of a meme of a kid rapidly speaking on Discord with the captions "Play" on the top of the gif, and "Fallen London" on the bottom of the gif and I was like, 'hmmm, what is Fallen London?'

So I joined out of curiosity, and the rest was history.

I played Fallen London for like a year before dropping it. I did do that Whitsun, as I had hapennies when I came back, and maybe I did do a bit of Chime's Grand Clearing Out? Could be misremembering. I wasn't around for the whole Horticulture thing, which, is a shame, honestly would have wanted to be a part of that, but yeah.

Regardless, I started Ambition: Nemesis simply because it seemed more story based compared to the others. My main account wasn't really roleplaying at this point, and to this day, it really isn't. It has my general username, and even if I tried to translate it into an OC, I feel like it really wouldn't work, which, well, made the story somewhat lost on me, unfortunately.

That said, it wasn't like I had some fun. I remember being absurdly scared of Seeking, especially since I never encountered it until Christmas, because I remember looking at Eaten Sacks and just seeing the whole **do not do this** sort of thing and I just freaked out. These days, I would gladly accept a crumb, but back then, I was new, I was scared, the well was a black hole I wasn't ready to jump in yet.

My main account ain't jumping in there at all even now anyways.

Eventually, I did drop Fallen London. It kinda just faded from my memory. There wasn't a day when I went, NO MORE LONDON, it was just, yeah, shrug, forgor.

Fast forward to around last Hallowmas, after sorting my bookmarks, I saw Fallen London, and that shit hit me like some correspondent shoving everything violant down my eyes.

And so I got back into it, and even began several different alts, three dedicated to the other ambitions, two to seeking, which one is to toss themselves into the void and the other is to turn back, and one that's just a mailman.

Also, they are much more proper OCs than my main account.

As such, shenanigans ensued. My attention was sort of divided between all these ambitions and just the resource intensive seeking, so I kinda was just all over the place like someone had just tossed all of my paperwork onto the floor and said, 'fill it all out'.

It was fun though, maybe I'll go in depth for each of the accounts later but back to Ambition: Nemesis

Honestly, I was kinda just stuck on Knifegate for a while. I did some of Heart's Game and Great Game Renown grinding, selling off stuff and stolen kisses as I did. I am so thankful I lucked out and got the success on the first try, my god, a good half of those knives were from before the Rat Market update halved the price of those knives.

Either way, now at the end of the Ambition, I can say, yeah, pretty good. It's pretty character driven, which uh, helps out my other OC writing for lore, but, considering my main account wasn't made for RPing in the first place and was just there to be there... Yeah, I couldn't really enjoy it in the same way as I have been with the other ambitions, simply because I didn't really make a character to RP with here. It was just me existing.

Still, I did manage to get to the end. My first Ambition finished. A great accomplishment still, if I say so myself. Maybe I'll do it again with another account just to slip much more into character. But not right now.

If you're still here reading my ramblings, stand up, move around, raise a cup of whatever suits your fancy, and drink deeply. It's still a time of celebration.

A new true denizen of the neath joins the rest, after all, and I hope to see more of the neath in all its beauty.

[dzpenumbra]

5/1/23

New month. Geez, this year is flying bye, huh.

I had the whole waking up every couple hours thing again, even with the earplugs which work quite well. I don't think it was nightmares either, I don't remember though. I did get back to sleep every time, so no real complaints.

I did a very long yoga routine this morning, almost 40 minutes. I was pretty proud of that. I'm actually getting in pretty good shape considering I'm not really doing any other consistent exercise other than morning yoga every day. Adding in regular skating and walking will definitely get me in good shape.

I am... however... I honestly don't even really know how to describe this... I'm having weird pains all over my body. It's been going on for a while now, but it's been getting really strong lately. That whole panic scare with the deep pain in my inner thigh was the same kind of pain... ish... and probably the most severe. Today it's been the lower back by my spine, and the outside of my hips, and my adductors in my inner thighs. And my forearm. It's muscle pain, I guarantee it. But it's not sore. Not like sore used to be. It feels like... electric, kinda, or like the feeling when someone grabs a bunch of your skin and pinches it really hard? So like, not like a sharp pinch, but like a blunt pinch. I have no idea if that makes sense. The notable part about it is how uncomfortable and intense it is.

I tried using my desk as a standing desk for a bit today and it did help, I think. I've been really afraid of being too sedentary lately, so spending half of my work day standing at my desk and dancing to 80s music helped with that.

I've been watching this big transition that's happening where a bunch of RPers are flooding over to IgniteRP, a new and kinda game-changing GTA V RP server that's set in 1985. It was created with the intention of making a very different environment than the min-maxed memey shit going on on NoPixel... It's been really good so far. Though it does have a lot of glaring problems and a lot of work left to be done.

I watched like 9 hours of it today while I worked on another abstract ink drawing. I hope to have that one finished by tomorrow night so I'll hopefully post it then.

Hearing them talk behind the scenes about what's going on with the server, it made me really want to apply myself to getting into 3D modeling. I fucked around with SketchUp like 10 years ago a bunch, like... making recreations of my apartment at the time and everything. I am very detail oriented. But again, I don't know shit about all this. But I guarantee I could learn in Blender for free. And I can cram and learn really quick. And I have an actual art background to back that up, so... doing custom graphics and shit? And applying them to 3D models? Once I get the 3D shit under my belt, I could pull that off. If I wanted. And there's good money in that. And these guys would be constantly looking for good custom shit. I just, again, have no proof of concept... and no real knowledge in the field. But it's something in great need, if I want to go that route, especially if I can give them a good deal.

I've been really tempted to get into RP. I would fucking love it, it's really good social practice and social interaction. I really enjoyed it when I was playing my character Raymond Holmes on TwitchRP. I just... well... I got a bit too emotionally attached to my first character, which I would need to work on. But the big thing is... I don't want to be loud. I don't feel like I can. I feel like I'll be whispering the whole time, and that wouldn't do my performance justice. It worked at my old house because I could be as loud as I wanted. Here? I've got lots of neighbors. Here, I feel bad if I sing at a normal speaking volume in the shower, with music playing along. Not sure how much of that is anxiety and how much is just being a good neighbor.

So yeah, that was pretty much the entire day. Watching RP, drawing, making and eating 3 baked potatoes with butter, habanero jack cheese and scallions. Drawing more. Then... here I am.

Not much else to say there. XD Still kinda riding the post-project-completion lull. Instagram was devastatingly anti-climactic. Next piece is going to be my hoodie, most likely, but I might try to polish a few of the stones from the other day first. And I also have had the impulse to go paint wooden beads again, so I might... I might throw a batch in a jar and dye them. Like 20 or 30 of them. Just so I have some with a base coat on them, then I can add ornamentation after. Aaaand there's also the skull to do, too...

I have no idea why I keep putting the hoodie off, maybe because of the "finality" of it, or maybe the visibility of it. Maybe because the rest of the back piece looks so damn good, I don't want to "ruin" it. I dunno. I kinda left off with... doing research on the zodiac constellations. I have the 12 signs plotted out and properly aligned, I have spaces that will serve as the houses, too. The signs are essentially a wide ring around the entire backpiece, and inside each wedge I wanted to put the glyph for each zodiac sign, and the actual constellation. Everything but the actual written name of the signs. Then I'm going to superimpose the planet alignments after, but I haven't even gotten that far. So... that's kinda where I am with it. So I just need to do some research on how I want to do the constellations, and then do some sketches, then... I'm guessing black out pretty much the entire zodiac ring? Or I could leave it hoodie color, because the hoodie is black? Not sure... And then I can just do the stars in white or silver. Maybe do a low-opacity glyph in the back with the constellation on top? That could be cool.

So yeah, lots of ideas, but the abstract ink shit has been calling me the strongest so I've been answering that call. It's very therapeutic, and really good hand exercise for longer drawing sessions.

I'm off to bed, we'll see what inspiration calls for tomorrow.

[bees-for-the-wildmother]

My friends may have thought I was exaggerating, may have thought I was being sarcastic or overdramatic when I told them during the Saturday’s game that I was going to have trouble sleeping that night.  Because when the DM described the setting and turned on the soundtrack for the game--creepy, rainy, haunted house exploration music--and had several additional sound bits on his phone--a little ghost girl talking to us--I knew I was going to have trouble. 

My imagination makes every scary movie, etc. ten times worse than it is, and D&D is all in your imagination, so my brain decided to make it really bad. So yeah, the past two nights I’ve stayed up much later than I usually do.  Because I turn off my light to go to sleep and then immediately turn it back on and say I’m going to read a little bit more to distract and exhaust my brain, so I can actually get to sleep quickly.  And now I’m super tired.

I don’t do scary movies.  I don’t do scary tv shows or haunted houses.   And this is why.

[dintheanxious]

Din rambles about rp [Licorice Cookie] (Really long post)

Like I said in my Vampire Cookie post: Cookie Run does the thing I like where they give you a character, a basic personality and an idea of a backstory and then let you run with it. Though, when I rp Cookie Run I usually make them humans to be

yknow, less weird when they bang bc idk how that would work.

So I give them names, places of origin, (even doing a bit of extra world building myself), and families.

Licorice is more complex than Alchemist and Vampire so I'll try to be coherent for once in my life

Name and hcs below!

Name:

Latin Fawn Edwards. I honestly cannot give you a legitimate reason for his name, but I can give a reason for the name he introduces himself as: Lich

Which isn't even as in depth as my last post. It's just in reference of a necromancer specifically the Lich from Adventure Time because I think that Licorice would think it's a cool sounding name.

Basic Hcs:

I love Licorice Cookie so I got a damn list of these.

Bisexual Demiboy with he/they pronouns

Lich is about 23 years old, not a huge hc but just starting off small

He also claims to be a Scorpio because it sounds cooler, but that unravels when you find out his birthday is in early September (Virgo)

Story Hcs:

Lich wasn't intended to pursue magic since the Licorice tribe wasn't as magically educated as the Coffee one, so not only did he not receive the recognition he deserved most people didn't know how to give him that recognition or just didn't care. His parents were in the latter group.

It's hard to get him to even ADMIT that he was from such an "embarrassing" place and will claim he's from Magic City.

What actually happened was: one day to show off how powerful he was, Lich brought a dead cotton candy lamb back to life.

At first, it was finally enough to get him some recognition, with a little more work the tribe would be able to bring all their late livestock back to life and benefit from it!

That was until that lamb began to cannibalize the other sheep and had to be put down.

That was what ran Lich out of the tribe by pretty much everyone who could.

Cold and alone, Lich tried to find his way to the Coffee tribe or Milk tribe but got lost. The blizzard was getting stronger and Lich began to give up. However, Dark Enchantress saw the previous events and appeared from the snowy winds with a grin. She offered Lich a home, but more importantly... recognition. She praised Lich for his efforts and for being able to reverse the seemingly permanent.

Lich ate this up and quickly joined Dark Enchantress in her cause.

Other Hcs:

Lich is absurdly attracted to things/people that could kill him. Meaning he's most definitely attracted to Dark Choco, Red Velvet, and Black Raisin.

Though, he says it's because he finds power arousing he also wants a significant other who can protect him when he's weak. This he doesn't even admit to himself.

Wears light clothes under his robes, imagine walking around in black robes in the middle of summer. Especially robes that thick.

Lich sews, there is nothing else to mention. Just that he sews.

His necklace of skulls isn't real. This would be obvious to most, but not to Poison Mushroom (who I hc as someone who likes to collect random ass things) when they bring Lich the skull of a still decomposing animal they found. They said that maybe he could make a ring or something out of it since he makes jewelry out of bones and Lich just awkwardly disposed of it once they left.

Lich fucking LOVES horror movies but is prone to nightmares if he finds one that actually scares him good. One of the first movies that could make him that bad was when he was a kid and watched the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre on DVD.

At his current age, the only movies that freak him out are the kinda movies you'd find on Tier 3 and lower on the Disturbing Movie Iceberg. Don't ask him about it, he's still traumatized and it still makes him nauseous.

He also loves true crime, but can't stand torture cases. Even a necromancer like him wouldn't keep a living being alive just to cause it pain... the dead don't count, they can't really feel anymore.

His kind of magic needs to get living energy from somewhere to give to the dead. While most necromancers would sacrifice animals, Lich can't make himself do that so he uses his own living energy... that and if he finds an animal in pain and feels like he should put it out of its misery. The energy is then sucked into his scythe and can be used to reanimate the dead.

Meaning the more Lich does this, the more it slowly kills him.

The dead don't need much, just a drop of life (hell you can even recycle their own living energy as long as the body is still fresh). So it's not like it will kill him in one shot, however, he doesn't expect to see his 30th birthday considering that he's coughing up blood.

Bugs can count, but it's just a pain in the ass and if the dead need just a drop bugs provide like less than even a tenth of that energy

the amount of life energy a being has varies depending on many factors, just know that a healthy adult human can supply enough energy for THOUSANDS of reanimated corpses.

I couldn't find anywhere else to put this but bondage and knifeplay are *chefs kiss* to him

[ofpenrose]

/rp /dsmp

i'm not very good at putting my thoughts down, but in ranboo's defense,,

i've seen a post or a bunch lately discussing ranboo's stance before, during and after doomsday, especially regarding the "choose people not sides" approach he had during the whole thing, and i saw some people rightfully point out that what the voice in his head was saying was actually right, because sides are people!! choosing sides meant choosing people and vice versa, and him putting himself on a moral high ground was dumb because there was no moral high ground, and that is all very true!!

however,

i think it should be fair to say that the approach of "choose people, not sides" makes sense in a lot of contexts. if your friends are having a petty baseless fight and you don't want to get involved, you won't choose a side, you would just want to help your friends out and let them understand that there's no point to the fight.

it's fair! it follows the logic of not wanting to get involved either. the constant of not making a decision due to uncertainty and fear. it makes sense!

i'm sure ranboo was not expecting to find himself in the middle of a server-wide conflict he did not want to be involved in. he got thrust into the middle of it, i'm sure his moral compass needed some time (that he didn't get) to readjust to the situation.

ranboo is canonically a teen too, i don't think anyone would expect a wee child to have a fully fleshed out moral compass that could adapt perfectly to times of war.

besides, i think it's important to point out that ranboo seems to be characterised as to be already pretty traumatised. he's scared of people, he's especially scared of people getting mad at him, it's been hinted more than once in canon that something happened in the past that he could not stop, something that might have caused his memory loss, and this gives an interesting reading key to what we are looking at.

besides, you pair that with the fact that when he had that confrontation after he got outed as a traitor, he was put under a lot of stress, for the spotlight on him, the eyes on him, and the terror of consequences upcoming: isolation, exile or potential execution.

i genuinely would not expect him to make sense. plus, he was already high-key doubting that his approach was wrong, his memory book was clear proof of that, but ranboo is canonically in a perennial state of denial. he tried to justify himself, explain himself, he got really defensive and aggressive because he was dare i say triggered by all of it.

i wouldn't put that conversation as him victimising himself and manipulating others, that's an odd way to put it, but i might just be biased. i understand he approached the situation in a simplistic and naive way, but i also understand why!! ranboo knows he screwed up in many instances, but he can't seem to accept it, he's in denial, and it's hard for him to work it through because he forgets, and when he remembers he panics as a familiar voice floods his mind.

again, ranboo doesn't fully understand what l'manberg meant to its long time citizens, and he stated more than once that he liked l'manberg and wanted to help it, and that he disliked it and thought it would've been better if it went up in flames.

like, that's the whole catch about his character, he thinks in polar opposites, he's a walking contradiction, and it clearly brings him a lot of distress. recently it seems to have greyed out a little, and i would call that a little worrying, but that's a text post for another time.

i do agree that he put himself on a moral high ground that was not solid at best, and I'm pretty sure he immediately got a wake-up call the moment right after when he got confronted with what i assume is his subconscious informing him that he did indeed screw up, he simply forgot for reasons he has no control over.

also, i woulnd't say he tried to manipulate people in any way, because to manipulate you should have some sort of power to begin with, and ranboo had absolutely no power in that scenario of that confrontation.

i forgot if i had anything else to say,,, anyway.

tl;dr: ranboo is a complex character, his ideology and morals is not good for the situation he's in, character development has been happening since day one

[astroninaaa]

Hot take a talk about technoblade:

Okay look I've been part of this fandom since August(thank god cuz i watched it all live and it woukd be a nightmare to caatch up) I bring this up cuz i want to discuss my problem with technos character. I have watched every single techno livestream that he made on dream smp and believe it or not i used to be a techno sympathiser that is until doomsday. (By techno apologist standards i am qualified to talk about his character hooray..)

Now techno like every character is flawed if he wasn't he would be boring fandom. One of his biggest flaws is being a hypocrite. That is not something you realise until you compare what he says all the time so you need to look a little deeper to realise it and i don't blame people for not seeing it.

This wouldn't be that much of a problem because that is a character flaw among with many others but the problem that his character has faced is that he doesn't develop much.

Now i hear techno apologist jump at me every single time noooo he isn't a stagnant character he has developed a lot. I am not saying that he hasn't developed at all the problem is that he has developed very little especially when you consider everything.

His goals his ideas his perception of the world what he believes him everything that makes his character him hasn't changed much and that is not a good thing from a writing perspective. Now why do i bring this up. Firstly I'm not saying this to say techno is a bad writer far from it he can be very good when he puts his mind to it. The problem with keeping a character in this state is that it's very harmful for said character first and to the story and other characters second. Look even at yourselves i can guarantee that you aren't the exact same person you were like five years ago for example because during that time you made mistakes learned from them and you grew. Just like in real life you also can't stay stagnant in fiction.

Okay so that's the main problem with technos character that he is stagnant as a character. Now this wouldn't be as big of a problem if he didn't have the role that he has.

You see techno both c! and cc! are very good at the game basically. Now why do i bring this up. The reason why i bring this up is bc of where this places techno whuch is at the very top of the chain don't try and seny it. This means that he is one of the most powerful people on the server if you are going to try and go against this point just look at lmanberg guys that's living proof of how powerful and how terrifying he actually is. I know a lot of you are gonna say but every can get stacked or play the game but you guys forget that even if you are stacked you just don't have the skill and cc! Techno of the best people when it comes to that which bleeds into his character. Saying that is like looking at the upper class than looking at the lower class saying just get rich like it doesn't work like that.

Because of his role techno is literally the 1% by rl standards which means he can a lit of things free of consequences bc no one can give him said consequences. The butcher army was ig an attempt at that but they failed miserably let's be real here.

Because he is in the 1% is incredibly skilled at pvp and can do anything bc no one can challenge him this places him on a pedestal and creates a power imbalance a very big one at that.

And that leads to his biggest problem he has practically everything as said by Techno himself and is never challenged, but that's not an interesting character. An audience gets tired for a character that always wins or loses. Because if it happens repeatedly it just takes all the suspense oh he will win immediately. He will go and slaughter them problem solved. That's it every time. Something that techno himself confirmed is then when he has a problem he just stabs it (both of these were said during the egg stream).

And if you are going to bring the things he went through to say he's changed don't cuz as long as he doesn't act on it it means nothing. Like examples Red festival killed tubbo an ally. Traumatic experience right? This is a good moment to develop his character and give us more insight. What happens? Techno tries to dismiss it and shows us his anxiety and gives us insight on his character Great! Character development? Starting to question himself just a bit or any sign of that event having an effect on him? Nope! Why? Cuz he doesn't act on it instead he tries to hide the fact that ever happened and changes to a different topic bc there is no justification there and he knows it. Nov 16th c!technos pov he just got betrayed caused some damage wished death upon his former allies and left. Quite a dramatic scene. He feels betrayed time for some good old character development. Him thinking about himself and his actions. Reflecting on them. Great moment! Problem: literally everything that shows this is done off camera and now suddenly he's retired... Okay you know what fine it's alright he would probably expand upon and did a timeskip to explain the ling time he didn't stream. I see where it's comming from. The butcher army ge gets hunted down bc actions have consequences techno and you can't just run away like that not after doing that. Great point from the butcher army. Go give him some consequences his character needs it. And then he gets executed alright a bit too far but i guess that's how it goes in this server. Techno gets his life back immediately.. well that was a bit pointless but alright a cool scene for the animatic fair. Then he kills quackity.. the butcher army lost.. this.. what? But this was the moment of consequences... and quackity didn't get it back like techno the butcer aemy lost more than techno what? Moving along he teams up with tommy aannnd the 50 withers are up and ready of course you didn't fully retire what was i expecting. And now team up with tommy perfect way to learn about dream and give more insight on lmanberg and how dream is a tyrant and everything techno is supposed to stand against. The green festival tommy chooses tubbo over techno techno feels betrayed understandable.... and then he teams up with dream lmanberg is destroyed and the underdogs are beaten to the ground loose everything they ever worked for and are taught to be scared of the anarchists?!?!?!?!

Okay now hold up a sec I'll have to stop you right there. What. did. you. just. do. Cuz there is a limit to the amount of stuff you can let a character get away with. The line was crossed months ago this is not good at all.

Also what are yoi guys talking about consequences. Lives? All 3 home? Right there pets? The ones that died were the ones he brought expecting to not live he brought them there on purpose so they don't count. He is one of the most wealthy peoole on the server (no one beats ranboo lol) what did he exactly loose? Friendships? Was that all the hardships you guys have?

Lmanberg lost their home their lives their wealth their pets their friend everything they loved and lived for everything they stood for they lost a part of themselves in the end.

Look at the last 2 paragraphs and how imbalanced that is. How are you guys blind to this How?! And why did doomsday happen? Because the butcher army failed. And if anything techno proved them that they should have punished him harder with this.

So what was the lesson of doomsday?

That you shoukd obey the people on top and never go against them or you will loose everything you love.

Great lesson guys this is exactly the lesson the rich class and every single tyrant tried to teach society and this lesson is being told by the anarchist great job....

Do you see the problem now. This is the reason techno needs a consequence bc if he keeps going like this he will become a Mary Sue. And that is a horrible direction for a character that has a lot of potential. That potential is why i liked his character that much in the beginning but now it's almost non existent. Anyway I'll end this now cuz this went on for too long. That's basically my opinion on it feel free to share your thoughts.

okay. okay. i read this like three times bc. because look

i agree in some very specific points, but i disagree in very broad manners.

(this entire......... essay is all /rp and /nm!!!!)

anyways. send me hot takes!!!

i like c!techno. i personally think he's one of the most fun characters to watch because i enjoy the mess, the crazyness, the chaos of it all. watching doomsday through c!tommy's eyes was painful. watching doomsday through c!techno's eyes was just so fucking hilarious and exciting and fun. he's just a fun character to watch. he's just Funny. i am a fan. however

for starters: ctechno is, 100%, out of the park, an stagnant character. he has little to no development throughout the story. we see no changes in how he acts. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but considering the type of character he is, watching him develop (be it to an actually full-fledged villain or towards a redemption arc) would be ideal to keep him a character people can actually support.

i wouldn't say he's a hypocrite. c!techno has a very strict moral code and he follows it with no hesitation, with no doubts. the point is that his moral code is flawed and skewed. that doesn't make him a hypocrite, that makes him someone with bad morals.

calling c!techno "the 1%" is a stretch. for one- c!ranboo has as much resources, if not more, as c!techno does. he has dozens of totems, thousands of emeralds, and probably has one of the higher counts of diamond and netherite on the server. why is that never brought up? because it doesnt matter. c!foolish has so much gold and diamonds and netherite and just everything, really, and it's also never brought up/a reason for people to be afraid of him. the dream smp isn't a capitalist universe, there's no "1%". specially bc there's, like, i don't know, 20 players? that makes c!techno 1/20 OR 3/20 if we count c!ranboo and c!foolish. but that's not the point at all: the point is that ctechno is feared bc he's skilled and has a relevant personality, not bc he has resources. c!wilbur has no shit and he's still terrifying, there's no character willing to oppose him. not because of resources, but because of who he is. when c!techno first fled from l'manburg into "retirement" he had no shit either, it took him a while to be rich again. no one attacked him either way.

why, you ask? bc he fought against c!quackity with a fucking pickaxe and won. that's why. c!techno doesn't need resources to be feared. the power imbalance doesn't come from his resources, it comes from others’s fear. and they have a reason for that fear, bc c!techno hasn't been defeated yet. that has nothing to do with "upper class" and "lower class". because, one, not a capitalist system and class disparity isn't as simple as that, and two, even without his "riches" he still wins, bc he's got the skill. if you take out the skill, him being rich means nothing and he wouldve been easily killed by the butcher army or c!tommy or whoever decided to kill him. a good example is, once again, c!ranboo: if he wasn't friends with everyone and someone decided to actually fight him like was done with c!techno, he would've died. easily. being rich in the smp is relative.

c!techno will be challenged when we have a character strong enough to challenge him in a way that matters. it's important to be smart about it. that's why i'd love to see, out of everyone, c!philza turn against him, but that's a how other discussion (WHICH I'M WILLING TO TALK ABOUT.......... everytime i make these and i add little point i dont elaborate on and then say i'm willing to talk about them and no one ever asks me to <//3 PAIN /nm /lh).

i do think he's a character that just Always Win in narrative ways and that's very frustrating. he does need to get pulled a few notches down. again, that will only happen when we have a character that can step up to him and challenge him in a way that matters (woooo c!philza you want to hold c!techno accountable for his bullshit so bad woooo........)

now, onto c!techno's trauma. he doesn't need to show it. he- he doesn't. that's........ not how trauma works, and that's one of the points that make his trauma so forgettable for the viewers. c!techno is, from inside out, a character that hardly shows his emotions, but that doesn't mean he doesn't display symptons of trauma. he does, they're just a lot more subtle than other characters's. that doesn't mean he doesn't have any or that he isn't affect by it. c!techno is, in a lot of ways, a lot like c!tubbo: both of them don't mention the shit they've gone through and don't react to it and bc of that some of the viewers don't see how important some traumatic events were in their characterisation. that's why you analyse those characters's trauma through behavior, not through easily seen displays of trauma.

i do think it's taken a little too far with c!techno. the way he reacted to c!tommy's death was...... disappointing, to say the least. c!techno is an underwhelming character in many ways. as said before, it's because he's stagnant. that definitely needs to be worked on.

about the syndicate? yeah, no. theyre not teaching others to fear them. others just Do That bc of their history on the server, but they have literally talked about how they want to better their reputation, bc they don't want to be seen as murderers or oppressors in any way. are they flawed? yes, very much. they have no indicators of what is or isn't a government and they show no regard around the importance of a difference between an oppressive and a democratic government.

they had no right to show up at c!tubbo's door and interrogate him, because they can't appoint themselves as government police. for starters, that's not how anarchy works (they should've had everyone's permission for that. they obviously don't), but also it's just... stupid. it makes it seem that they're trying to boss everyone around so that they live like the syndicate wants them to, which goes directly against the syndicate's own ideals. however, c!techno thinks he has that right. he thinks this is what he's supposed to do. he's just following his moral code - his moral code is just deeply, deeply flawed. what he says and what he does contradict each other but not for him, not to his interpretation. to his interpretation, he's following his strict moral code.

what happened at doomsday was horrible and c!techno has to be held accountable for it, yes, but, again, no character knows how to work around c!techno enough to hold him accountable for it. that's not c!techno's fault.

l'manburg just deserved better, honestly, but to be fair c!techno has been taken advantage of time and time again (sometimes purposefully, sometimes not) and he's fucked up in the head, god bless LMAOOOOOOO

i agree that things need to change otherwise he's just gonna keep being a stagnant character who can get away with everything. i do think he has more to him than meets the eye, tho. meh idk that's still just analysis!!! we have no way of knowing the intent behind c!techno's characterisation, at least not for now. i hope for the best tho cc!techno don't let me down <3

[how-do-u-art]

Writer PSA: bac0nluver69

I was scared to post this to be honest. But with the help of my friends they managed to help me get the courage to post it!

TW: ped*philia, infa*tilism, b*astiality, n*ncon/r*pe

Summary: RT/AH fic writer writes infant non-con/b*astiality

Around 2017/2018 idk how but through tumblr I ran into bacon and we started talking and rping (I didnt know they were a writer and at the time I was a minor 16-17). While yes I shouldn't have done not safe rps as a minor I have no braincells. And all was pretty okay and I admit their rps were a little extreme I didn't mind though I recall around the first time we met they stated they changed their name or something because the ah community was mad at them but I never asked why nor do I know to this day.

Later down the line they asked me if i wanted to read a messed up fanfic they wrote. Involving Michael, Gavin, and Iris.

I was confused and a bit afraid so to see what the deal was I said okay and when I clicked it I thought it was a joke but it was n*fw r*pe of the characters involved.

They later stated they posted it on ao3 though under different names (I found it under their new account and Michael’s name was left unchanged)

Being a victim of csa and also a minor at the time it upset me greatly though I was panicked to think what they would think if I got upset about it so I pretended to be okay with it.

They took that as a go ahead to be Very open in the future about rp prompts mostly involving infants and n*n-con situations.

Sometimes we would rp and it wouldn't have that but they would throw it in instantly.

I panicked and didn't know what to do so I would rp along with it just so I had someone to talk to (I had no other friends at the time).

I always feared about talking about this because they know the city I live in/my college/and other personal matters and the fact they could say 'I didn't mind it' because I rped along with them too.

I was a minor up until June of last year though they didn't know I was a minor it was still upsetting they didn't ask.

I also panicked because I assumed I cant go BACK and said 'actually that makes me uncomfortable' because i tried so hard to act like it didn't bother me

Recently I've been talking to them less and less but am afraid of completely ghosting them.

However today they came up to me and said that they now have a separate ao3 account (separate from their normal baconluver69 account) where they post the pedo related works ' coffeeislife22 '

Many of the works don’t have ALL of the names changed from the rt/ah ties and it just makes me upset and scared that I constantly feel like I have to keep talking to them. I want to post this due to the fact (in my own opinion) they have a large following that doesn’t know about what they post on the side. I finally want to come clean about it and cut ties with them.

Fiction or not it’s still rather upsetting.

vvv Only Some of Their Work vvv

[the-amalgam-house]

I'm mad tired from not being able to sleep for like. At least the past 24 hours if not longer, but now that my mind is tired enough to not Freak Out��️ over things, I have time to Process. Maybe I'm too tired to be coherent about it, but tonight I've been thinking about all the things that I once disliked and grew to like due to beloved friends, and the things I once loved that were taken from me by people who betrayed my trust. Why does being human have to be so complicated?

That someone could take from me something so essential to who I once was and shatter it to irreparable pieces so small I still haven't even found them all is so frustrating! Roleplay was my LIFE, it was my cope and my escape, and aside from the occasional D&D game, I haven't been able to step back into that mindset in over SIX years. A method of escape that was precious to me since I was a child, since the days of logging into AOL chat rooms about Dragon Ball OCs hanging out at the beach. I was 12.

In 2015, the year we stopped talking (I was 27, we'd been close friends for 5-ish years), they'd drained all enthusiasm for roleplay from me. Couldn't even participate with other friends, cause all I could think about was how terrible I'd feel if I blew them off to rp with my other friends. How they were the one person who constantly wanted to rp in my cool world all the time but only on their terms. How they tried to take over my stories to suit their narrative, and tried to change my OCs to their liking. My very personal characters who more or less became my home away from home. Why the fuck would you do that to someone?

And the prodding prodding PRODDING for erotic rp that I was never comfortable with, but I was a people pleaser, I needed to be sure that people still wanted to actually spend time with me, that I wouldn't be left alone, so I agreed anyway. I don't even have much of a connection to Kristoph anymore, but maybe that's for the better. Before them, I wasn't that attached to him anyway. But now it's not just an ambivalent acquaintance thing, more of an actively can't stand being reminded of the person who destroyed it all thing. Idk.

Now even simple words like "needy" or "violet" or the word "Crystal" as a name fill me with anger and dread. Why do I have to be saddled with the trauma of being scared to complain at all because maybe they'll try to one-up me in a game of "who has it worse!" instead of just being able to vent and commiserate. Why do THEY get to go off and be a twitch streamer and make steady income on creative endeavors and sit back and complain about very changeable situations while I lay in bed, whole body hurting, brain made of fog and self hatred and regret?

But I met some of the greatest people through them. I met Daisy and Jay and Kit and the Victoria I DO like. Through them all collectively I learned nonstandard gender identity, nonhuman identity, met my werewolf server and all the friends there, bettered my art, and had some really great and memorable roleplays, game arguments, shared foods, dumb memes...

One of the most harmful "friends" I'd ever had did bring me a circle of friends who actually do matter to me. One of the most abusive people I'd ever attached myself to in adulthood, maybe THE most abusive seeing as how they abused all these other friends too, was also the one who introduced me to one of the greatest people I've ever known. That great person, Daisy, was so severely harmed by them, in a way I feel like I should have been able to protect them from.

It's all so complicated and convoluted. I wish, I WISH things were more straightforward, more cut and dry. But it isn't. Humans are inherently complicated. And messy and foggy and great and terrible. Tonight is just a reminder that it's okay to miss your abusers, even if you think you've been over it for years. They're out of my life for a reason, I will never need them back. I can reclaim what is mine.