#and I thought it was funny as fuck that a bunch of my friends whose achievements i can see on steam also had it

[spearxwind]

Fuck vlaakith all my homies hate vlaakith

[zaebeecee]

Fight and Flight ••

Pre-RadioDust Oneshot •

Read on AO3

•••

Based on this headcanon from @alastorsfluffydeertail. Thank you for letting me use this as a prompt, my dear, and I’m sorry I took it a bit off the rails (as I am wont to do). This is what I get for never planning anything out.

But also if anyone thinks the Hazbin Hotel residents wouldn’t prank each other, they’re wrong.

•••

When Angel Dust had first agreed to move into the Hazbin Hotel (back when it was the Happy Hotel, whose name alone was almost enough to make him refuse no matter how well he was paid for the evening), it was the first time in his entire existence in Hell that he had known exactly what to expect. The princess had a fucking stupid plan about getting sinners into Heaven and her bodyguard/girlfriend/what the fuck ever was apparently determined to help her see it out; Angel knew a hopeless cause when he saw one, and more importantly, he knew how to capitalize on it.

Of course, he had forgotten one very key detail: sinners were human at their core, and when humans spent a lot of time in close proximity, they got to know each other really well. And when people got to know each other really well, that meant bonding was basically unavoidable.

It was easy to forget the ‘human’ factor of sinners at VoxTek, particularly when someone spent too much time around the Vees. Sometimes, Angel thought of them as less ‘humans’ and more ‘evil entities that had learned how to mimic the worst of human behavior with extra capitalism’, and because of that he had kept company with them as little as possible since Valentino had showed his true colors and backhanded Angel for the very first time. But the Hazbin Hotel was not VoxTek, and the other residents of the hotel were not the Vees. They were mostly relatively normal people, when you put aside things like noble station and overlord rank, and that complicated Angel’s initial plan.

Originally, he had agreed simply to take advantage of not having to pay rent and not having to live under Val’s thumb at all times. It was a simple scheme: follow just as many rules as he absolutely had to in order to avoid getting kicked out, keep as much of his drug usage off the property as he could, and bat his eyes and make super sappy apologies about ‘trying his best’ whenever he got caught. It would have gone great if not for one tiny little hiccup.

He liked them.

Damn them to a lower ring of Hell, but Angel liked the fuckers, and it wasn’t long before he realized that they were becoming friends. Of course, they were also a bunch of pricks who’d been punished with eternal damnation for the crime of being assholes in life, so with friendship came the inevitable bullshit of having asshole friends. This, frequently, meant pranks of varying degrees of severity and creativity.

In Angel’s defense, he didn’t start it. The whole thing began when someone (who was never actually identified) convinced all of the Egg Bois that they were named after different members of the Rat Pack (to go with Frank) and that Pentious really loved being serenaded with ‘Ain’t That A Kick In The Head’ at all times. It had started out kind of funny—the Egg Bois couldn’t keep time with each other and it got even worse when they tried to manufacture their own Dean Martin impersonations—but it had quickly grown into the absolute worst thing Angel had ever had the displeasure to suffer. Husk, accurately, determined that it was “proof of Hell’s eternal punishment”. Eventually, Charlie helped Pentious right them, but it was way, way too late.

The war was on, and it quickly spread to everyone in the hotel without mercy. And, unpredictably, it seemed everyone was in on the game in one capacity or another.

Everyone had their own weak points when it came to getting ‘punk’d’, as Vaggie called it with an impressively straight face. Charlie could be convinced of just about anything if you said it with enough conviction, and Husk was alarmingly easy to gaslight if you could rearrange or abscond with his bar equipment when he wasn’t looking. Niffty was, of course, weak to cleaning pranks (but they had quickly determined the Stabbing Threshold, which was the point where it wasn’t funny anymore and she would legitimately gut someone), and you could do a million things to Pentious if you got into his lab, as long as you didn’t break anything. Angel was particularly proud of the time he got Vaggie to fully arm herself and go all the way up onto the roof of the hotel to ‘challenge an intruder’ who ended up being a hellsquirrel, but she had gotten him back by coming into the kitchen while he was cooking, staring him dead in the eye, and breaking all of the spaghetti before he could stop her.

And Alastor? Well, no one could get into his room, or his radio tower, or even find him if he didn’t want to be found, which rendered him immune to most forms of planned tomfoolery. But when he was there? He was easy, because he was a jumpy fucker if you caught him off guard, and a single loud noise close enough behind him would send him shadow teleporting onto some other surface (the mantle of the lobby fireplace on one particularly memorable occasion).

It was fun. Or, at least, it was supposed to be fun. That was why they had a set number of rules: no staining anything Niffty had to clean (and no glitter, which was a personal rule for Angel after that one time), no making Charlie cry, no breaking Pentious’s equipment or Husk’s bottles, no fucking with Vaggie’s weapons and armor, and absolutely nothing involving Fat Nuggets. Other than that, it was open season on everyone.

Charlie was conducting one of her little trust building exercises one evening, the entire hotel (sans Alastor) her captives for the duration of the entire exercise. Cherri had made the mistake of showing up just before it began, and curiosity had roped her in; now, she was sitting next to Angel and watching Charlie coaching Vaggie and Husk through some kind of role playing exercise with an open sort of fascination.

“Is it always like this?” Cherri murmured, leaning on Angel’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Angel whispered back. “I got no fuckin’ idea how this’s supposed to get us redeemed, tho, all it’s ever done is made me hate kids.”

Cherri snorted. “Why isn’t Radio Face here?”

Angel rolled his eyes. “He’s the hotelier,” he said, exaggerating Alastor’s transatlantic delivery and overly precise French pronunciation. “He don’t gotta participate, apparently, because he ain’t up for bein’ made better or whatever. Come to think of it, I ain’t seen him in a few days. Think he’s been out.”

Like Angel had spoken a cue, the radio on the lobby table made gentle static noises, and a couple of the lights flickered, just slightly. Everyone stopped, glancing around, because that meant one thing: Alastor was nearby, and he was either very angry or very tired, and either way it meant he wasn’t checking his power as much as he usually did. It had freaked Angel out the first time, but eventually, he learned to interpret it as a sign that Alastor was returning after a long bout of ‘personal business’ and probably wasn’t going to be bothering any of them.

Cherri grinned. “I’m gonna fuck with him,” she said into the silent room.

Angel let out a single barking laugh as Charlie said, “Oh, no, don’t, he’s probably exhausted.”

“That’s the best time to get him,” Husk said reasonably, immediately discarding the script he’d had thrust on him as soon as he noticed that Charlie wasn’t focusing on him anymore. “He’ll probably be too tired to actually retaliate.”

“Besides,” Pentious said, “he hasn’t exactly held back with anyone else. I’m still positive he started this. I just need to prove it,” he hissed, hunching over his clasped hands and rubbing them together.

Niffty patted the table with her palms a few times, grinning brightly. “I wanna see Cherri scare Alastor~”

“You can’t scare Alastor,” Angel said with a disbelieving snort. “Startle him, sure, but scare? Bullshit.”

Vaggie sighed. “Do I need to prepare damage control?”

“Relax, I’m not gonna cause property damage,” Cherri said. “I just wanna get the bitch back for what he did to my stuff last time I was here. I’m still finding ticker tape everywhere, even in my own goddamn apartment.”

Charlie looked uncomfortable, but of course, she was always the most hesitant when it came to their petty little game. “Okay, I guess that’s fine,” she said reluctantly. “But don’t overdo it, okay?”

Everyone waited with bated breath, Cherri tossing a small bomb over to the corner near the front door. It was only a few seconds before they heard the click and Alastor stepped in, looking as though he had been through the wringer and was doing his damndest to hold it together. He didn’t even notice any of them, shutting the door behind him and immediately beginning a slow beeline for the stairs.

Angel had only half a second to form the thought that it might not be a great idea after all when Cherri clapped her hands sharply and the little bomb behind Alastor went off with a loud crack and a spark of bright pink light. The sound Alastor made wasn’t quite a scream; it was really more of a startled yip, a high and animalistic noise that hurt Angel’s ears with its sharp edge. He bolted instantly, dropping his microphone staff along the way and running blindly straight into a wall. There was a loud impact as he collided with the immovable structure of the hotel, the sound a little weird and followed by a series of loud yelps. Almost immediately, everyone could see exactly what happened: in his alarm, Alastor’s antlers had expanded, and they were now stuck pretty firmly in the wall.

Cherri was the first one who laughed, but she wasn’t the only one. Angel had to admit, it was funny, watching the big bad Radio Demon struggle to unstick himself from a wall, of all things. The laughter was contagious, spreading through the group in a rippling wave. In moments, the only one who wasn’t laughing was Charlie, who dropped her own script pages and ran straight over to try and help Alastor liberate himself.

Angel leaned forward as Cherri slapped his back in her laughter, and he rubbed a tear of mirth out of his eye, looking over to where Charlie was failing to even approach the struggling overlord. Angel watched as he took a swipe at her with a clawed hand, ineffectually scrabbling at the wall with the other and kicking the baseboard in an attempt to extricate himself without retracting his antlers.

The moment Angel heard Alastor’s distressed keening noise, he realized Alastor couldn’t retract his antlers. He wasn’t just exhausted, he was panicking and…

Humiliated.

Angel jumped to his feet, guilt smothering his amusement like a bucket of water on a birthday candle. “Shut the fuck up!” he yelled over everyone’s cackling, his unusually sharp tone enough to startle all of them into a silence that highlighted the way Alastor’s breathing had become high and far too fast. Angel didn’t bother with any admonishment, instead running over to where the other sinner had trapped himself and taking Charlie by the shoulders. “Move,” he said, not taking his eyes off Alastor.

She looked up at him. “But— but he’s—!”

“I got it. Move.” As Charlie backed off, Angel approached, trying to put himself in Alastor’s line of sight. His sclera had gone entirely black and his smile was tight and stressed; Angel couldn’t actually see, but he was pretty sure Alastor’s irises had turned into radio dials. “Hey, Alastor,” he said gently, immediately bending backwards as the overlord took a vicious swipe at him, too. “Whoa, whoa, big guy, it’s okay.”

When Alastor put both of his hands on the wall and ineffectually shrugged with a cry that was almost pathetic, Angel took the opportunity to swoop in, hoping Alastor’s physiology was as close to human as it looked and that this didn’t get him gutted. He pushed one hand up into Alastor’s hair from his nape, cradling the back of his head with his palm and gently pressing his fingers into the bases of Alastor’s antlers. A second hand cupped the back of Alastor’s neck, thumb and forefinger immediately seeking out the pressure points at the base of his skull. His third hand went to Alastor’s back, stroking down his spine before lifting and repeating the motion as though he was trying to calm a stressed animal. And his fourth hand just rested on Alastor’s shoulder, primarily so he would feel it if the Radio Demon lashed out and could attempt to evade if necessary.

“Hey, Smiles, it’s okay, it’s just me,” Angel said as soothingly as he could when he felt Alastor’s muscles growing so taut that he feared the other demon would snap into pieces. “Shh, it’s okay, ain’t nobody in here gonna give you any shit, I promise. And if they try, I’ll kill ‘em for you, or at least hold ‘em down while you kill ‘em, okay?”

Angel kept up his gentle touches, leaning close to murmur low enough that only Alastor could hear him, and silently marveled at the fact that he was touching Alastor and Alastor was letting him. His hair was soft, and his coat was clearly made from expensive material, but even through the thick cloth Angel’s fingers could have counted his ribs and each individual vertebrae. And slowly, in response to his touch, Alastor actually began to relax. His breath slowed, his smile grew less tense, and with a crackle of broken plaster, his antlers slowly began to recede.

“You can rip everybody up into tiny pieces, and then I’ll help ya make jambalaya or gumbo or whatever you want outta their bits. Or I can make bolognese outta them. Whatever you’re feelin’.” That was enough to get the smallest noise of amusement from Alastor, more of a huff of breath than anything else, but with that his antlers returned to their usual shape.

As he finally freed himself from the wall, Angel made to release him, but Alastor spun to face him at an alarming speed and seized him by his upper arms. “Alastor—?!” Angel’s voice was a soft exclamation, but he froze, watching Alastor hang his head and regain control of his ragged and pained breathing.

Angel was anticipating having his arms ripped straight from his body—nobody touched Alastor, especially not when he wasn’t expecting it—but Alastor just held onto him like he was genuinely afraid Angel was about to disappear. His grip wasn’t even painful, just tight. Desperate, maybe, though with his panic gone Angel couldn’t begin to understand why. But even as he held onto Angel’s arms, Alastor’s wicked claws didn’t so much as scratch him, and his hands… they were soft.

It felt like an hour passed before Alastor’s breathing evened out, but Angel knew it was only a few seconds. Slowly, Alastor raised his head to look up at Angel, his ears laid flat against his head and his eyes wide, but no longer manic. Before, Angel had always associated Alastor’s eyes with the color of blood, but this close… they were more like deep garnet set into rich ruby. For the eyes of a mass murdering serial killer, they were almost alarmingly warm as they caught Angel’s gaze and held it.

“…thank you, Angel.”

The words were spoken so quietly Angel wouldn’t have heard them if Alastor hadn’t been mere inches from him. Before he could even consider formulating a response, the shadows Alastor so fondly called his friends swirled up from the ground, wrapping around his body and pulling him into blackness. It was his hands that pulled away last, gently releasing Angel’s arms and leaving trails with fingertips that made the spider’s flesh tingle. For the briefest moment, Alastor’s shadow remained, and Angel thought it was watching him with something that felt like wary curiosity before it too vanished.

Angel stared at the broken wall and the plaster that littered the carpet as Charlie stormed back to the group, lighting into them for being mean and immediately beginning to lay new ground rules, but Angel barely heard a word she said. He folded his arms and placed his hands where Alastor’s had been moments before, like he could still feel the other sinner holding onto him like a lifeline, and marveled at his own foolishness.

When, he wondered, had he started caring this much about Alastor’s wellbeing? When had Alastor decided that Angel Dust of all people was worthy of breaking his five foot rule, even in such extraordinary circumstances? When had Angel determined it was worth risking his own health and safety to prevent Alastor from hurting himself?

And, most importantly, what was he doing thinking about Alastor at all?

•

The next evening, Angel was in his bedroom cleaning his toys when a dome of shadow manifested on his floor mere feet away from him. He squealed in alarm, launching himself backwards and tumbling off the other side of his bed to land in a graceless heap on his floor. Swearing he could hear something giggling somewhere around him, he grabbed his comforter and hauled himself up, leaning on the mattress with his arms and peering around suspiciously.

The shadow was gone, and Angel didn’t see any threats or blood or threatening animal corpses. He did, however, see a plate sitting on his floor. That plate held a stack of some kind of pastries and a folded card with his name on it.

“…the fuck…” Angel muttered, clambering over his bed and hopping down to land beside the plate. Upon closer inspection, he realized that the plate was full of freshly-baked beignets, generously covered with powdered sugar and still so warm that the sugar was beginning to melt. He picked up the card and looked at the delicate penmanship spelling out ‘Angel Dust’, then flipped it open, taking in the simple message written so beautifully.

Tell no one. You know what will happen if you do.

Angel felt himself actually smiling in a way that he hadn’t for a very long time, folding the card again and pressing the corner to his lips. He considered for a moment, then glanced at a nearby shadow. “You can tell him I ain’t gonna let anybody know he baked somethin’ for me like a sweetheart.” He didn’t see Alastor’s shadow, but he heard another giggle and he knew it was there.

He picked up the plate and carried it to his bed, opening his bedside table drawer and slipping the note in with a few other belongings that he didn’t want anyone else seeing but liked having on hand. As he laid on his bed, petting Fat Nuggets and nibbling on delicious baked goods and texting with Cherri about how Alastor had apparently gotten into her apartment and hidden all of her explosive components around the city, leaving only a very obtuse list of scavenger hunt-style clues… Angel wondered if he was starting to remember what being happy felt like.

•••

[lakesbian]

ok listen. this is crucial. this is what ward aisha is to me in my mind palace.

aisha for the largest part of worm is Thirteen. alec is 15. they're both incredibly dysfunctional traumatized kids who like each other a whole lot living thru some crazy shit. and the one time aisha really has fun is when she gets to play at being on top of the world with alec, living out the rich-with-no-dumb-adults-but-brian-telling-us-what-to-do teenage dream w her best friend. she's Thirteen. her sole vision for the future is that the undersiders will keep winning and she and her Cool Hot Funny Best Friend Who Is The Only Person Who's Ever Gotten Her are going to be cool and tough and richer than god and paint each others nails in their cool shared supervillain base while the world fears, but more importantly, knows the names of Imp and Regent. her big brother has had unimaginably awful things happen to him and she can't fix it even an ounce, she's fucked up and has spent her life feeling invisible and she knows it, her best friend is fucked up too and she knows it, but she still gets to have this: the success as a villain, her legacy, the legacy as someone memorable with her best friend and her team that's so nearly within her grasp. despite it all, she's just a kid, and when she's texting alec a news article about herself or idly dreaming about installing a pool in her base, she barely even remembers the blood it's taken to get there. for a moment of her life she thinks this will never end and she'll finally get to be Seen, seen by her best friend, seen for everything great they're going to do together.

and then--she's 13--she watches her best friend kill himself in front of her, for her, and she's never going to get to tell him another secret, or make another dick joke with him, or be imp and regent on top of the world together. and her brother is even more unreachable than ever and one of the people she respects most in the whole world is gone and she's alone again, unseen, dealing w/ all this blood and no more prize at the end of the rope.

when we see her at the end of worm, she's fixated on the idea of establishing a Cool Villainous Legacy as the Badass Supervillain Imp, impressive enough to become what she and regent could've been together, but, like.

all she's actually doing is taking care of a bunch of traumatized children and going around stopping people from being terrible to each other. she wishes she were a villain. she's a charmingly edgy vigilante at worst. she spends 30 minutes straight making fish puns, stopping said traumatized children from getting into trouble, and preventing a dude from torturing ppl and hoarding resources. and then she pats herself on the back for another Successfully Villainous Act. and also while she's doing all this she's intentionally memorializing and safekeeping the legacies of taylor & alec (not brian because wildbow is a clown idiot buffon fuck but in my mind palace she's doing it for brian as well). all ppl she loved and lost, and she's desperately trying to prevent them from fading into the same obscurity as her.

so like. To Me. To Me. the reason she's still talking to herself about building her own legacy, about her own legacy being that as a Cool Villain--is because she's not ready to face that that dream from her childhood has long been dead in the water, that she's now a lonely person whose life is about tromping around in snow-proof cargo pants and making enough breakfast for all these fuckin' kids and yelling at people to be decent to each other. everyone who would've seen her has been left long behind in one tragedy or another, and on some level, she's not fully accepting that this is her life now: being the one who's left. the one whose legacy is just to carry the legacies of her friends who died too young around in her heart.

so To Me. ward aisha is abt like. i will have to rotate this in my mind further to determine more, this is the first draft of Thoughts, but to me ward aisha should 100% be about her coming to terms with the fact that she's grown up and having 2 memorialize the her that her 13yo self wanted to grow into as much as she has 2 memorialize her other lost loved ones. like scene queen kid aisha growing into an adult during a post-apocalypse where there are no longer hot topics to rob blind but she can still have silly fun hair dye for the her 7 years ago that really loved neon purple. not to fucking mention the thing where her brother comes back and they both have 2 reckon w how much she's grown and the fact that she was aspiring to be like a mini-him but if he was genuinely in touch with the emotions of the kids he's taking care of.

like what if you were an older brother and you died and then you came back and your immature little sister was almost as old as you now and bigger and taller and good at taking care of people Emotionally in the way that you never could 4 her. what then. wouldn't that be fucked up or what. aisha and brian my best friend aisha and brian

[familyvideostevie]

🐚 SEASHELL: let's look for beautiful things on the beach! send me a line from a book, song, or movie/tv show and a character and i'll write a short (<1k) blurb for you

“ so why don't we go somewhere only we know.” - from somewhere only we know by miki ratsula with Eddie <3

hi darling!! there are so many great versions of this song but i had not heard this one! it's lovely! so here is something for you, also lovely: eddie whisking you away at a party for a quiet moment

--

You've found pretty much the perfect spot to wait for Eddie. The kitchen is crowded, sure, but sitting on the counter gives you some air and a vantage point to see if he's coming back. Someone turns the music up and a few people scream at the song and bulldoze to the living room to dance. It's nice to see a bunch of twentysomethings having fun, your friends among them.

Robin looks like she's making fun of Steve's dance moves and Jonathan and Nancy are standing close in the corner, his entire body curved over hers as they talk. You know probably every other person at this house -- whose house it is you can't really remember -- so you feel comfortable enough alone for the moment.

But the moment doesn't stretch too long because you see a cloud of messy hair making its way towards you. You sip your beer patiently, swinging your feet a little where they hang off the counter. It only takes moments for Eddie to appear in front of you. He puts his hands on your knees and takes a comically large breath as if he's run a marathon.

"Christ," he says. "Bathroom line was a mile long." He flashes you a grin and tosses some hair from his face. "Miss me?"

You pretend to think about it. "I don't know," you say. "Who are you again?"

He mimes stabbing himself in the heart with a dagger. "Way harsh, sweetheart. Guess you don't want to see the cool-as-shit thing I found."

You hop from the counter. His hands ghost at your hips to help, then he grabs one of your hands. "Very funny," you tell him. "Now show me the cool thing."

Normally he'd mock you a little, tease and ask you to say please -- to which you'd refuse -- but he must actually be excited because he just starts to tug you through the crowd. No doubt many of them think you're going upstairs to fool around. You sort of wonder if that's what's going to happen, too.

But Eddie leads you up the flight of stairs and down a hall and into someone's bedroom. There is no one here.

"Whose house is this, anyway?" you whisper. Eddie shrugs.

"No idea," he says, full volume. "But I saw this from the street when we got here and thought it was a good spot."

You almost protest when he shoves open a window and you actually do when he climbs through out onto the roof. "Eddie!" you hiss. "Are you serious? You could fall!"

"I won't," he says, eyes bright. He reaches for you. "Now you. I've got you."

The excitement in his expression has you hauling your leg over the sill before you can think about it too hard. He does grip your hips this time, steadying you even when you're on two feet again. "Come on," he says. You look around and realize this part of the roof is pretty flat. You can hear the party downstairs, through open windows and spilling into the yard, but you don't think anyone will see you up here.

"How has no one found this yet?" you ask. Eddie stops you and takes off his jacket, spreading it on the roof before pulling you to sit down.

"No idea," he says. "But isn't it fucking great?" He tips his head back and grins. You copy him and gasp.

You have a perfect view of the stars. "Oh," you say. "Well, this beats the kitchen."

Eddie's lips ghost the shell of your ear. "It really does," he says. He drags them across your cheek and to the corner of your mouth.

"Stop that," you rasp. "I can kiss my boyfriend anytime. Right now I'm watching the stars."

He laughs and slings his arm around you. "Fair enough, sweetheart."

join the celebration!

[melanie-ohara]

Gideon Souls - FINALE!

I was fed up and unrelatedly sad yesterday, but my guide and irrepressable, wonderful cheerleader @amethystasari was absent for reasons of Dragon Age Veilguard, so I pressed on alone. I tacked up a pretty picture of Crystal Farron, took a deep breath, and got to my grim work.

First of all I tracked down Dark Sun Gwyndolin, who is doing things with gender that have never before been seen in the realm of Lordran. I joined the covenant, and got very little from it. I feel like I've been missing out a lot not having multiplayer but also I don't want to deal with other humans

Then it was back to the DLC to clobber Kalameet after the trouble I had last time. It took a couple of goes, and I just didn't enjoy it very much. Fighting a great big dragon or a monster or something is a lot less rewarding, becuase when it kills me I think 'well of course it killed me, I am but a bug to them', and then when I finally get it I feel like it got unlucky.

Oo, the calamity ring, that sounds like a fitting reward for hunting a deadly enemy, I wonder what it does -

Oh I see. Oh very funny. Thanks so much.

I took a couple of runs at Manus and then decided he was still a bit too hard, so I left the Father of the Abyss for later and went back to the future to visit the Abyss in the present day. Apparently they flooded all of New Londo to contain it, so I was expecting a little more than dev-void.map. I knew already that the key to the four kings was to smack them hard and fast so you don't have to deal with more than one at a time, but I think probably I leaned into that a bit hard, because there was a good five seconds between each king appearing.

stupid wet cabbage looking motherfucker

Mostly I just let them hit me and then healed between kings, so I had no estus left by the time the last one showed up for an ass-kicking. I am back to one-shotting bosses, and it feels very good.

I was not accosted by another snake guy, which I thought happened here, but never mind. Seath the Scaleless time.

I really, really hate the Crystal Caves. Dark Souls and precision movement already don't mix, but making the platforms invisible is a real stupid, real irritating move. I died a bunch in here, and then - determined to never come back - one-shot Seath. The approach is harder than the boss. Just awful

Gee I wonder if I'm meant to do something with this crystal...

As soon as I determined that his big magic attack inflicted curse, I was not going to let him kill me because I was not fucking doing the purging stone run. The good news is, I didn't have to uninstall the game

Not pictured is the Demon Firesage, who I also one-shot. Apparently demons in this game are particularly easily put down by the light armour/heavy weapon build.

I wandered down to the next boss, and whose summon sign did I run into? My good friend Solaire! Obviously I brought him into the Centipede Demon fight.

This thing is just no fun to look at.

Solaire threw some completely useless firebolts at it and I hit it with my big sword, and it very helpfully died.

Thanks Centipede Demon, for dying when we hit you.

Right around the corner I fould Solaire again, only he seems very sad now. I guess his search for his 'sun' isn't going so well. Anyway, off we go to horrible Lost Izalith. This place sucks. Nothing but lava and dragon butts. The Bed of Chaos also sucks. After my exciting parade one shotting bosses for most of the afternoon, I fell down a hole and died.

Bad, bad boss.

Anyway, I went for an explore. Apparently I should have met Siegmeyer down here but he wasn't in the room with the horrible blender cthulus, so I went and found Solaire again. His new hat looked terrible, and he got mad when I told him that, soooo...

No more Solaire. Sad. Anyway!

There really is nothing else going on around here, so I went back to the Bed of Chaos. Basically I did it one section at a time, taking advantage of the one good design choice they made, until it was finally done.

Stupid little bug dickhead.

That just leaves Manus, and Gwyn.

Manus first. I hate the run back here, yet again, and I had to do it a bunch of times. In the end, I got fed up and put on the heaviest armour I could with the Favour and Protection and Havel rings while still fast rolling, and tanked my way through it. Havel's armour gave me so much poise I could heal through a couple of his lighter attacks, I don't know how I ever beat that guy.

Manus dead, Dusk saved. Sadly, this did not change the future, and Oolacile was still eaten. Oh dear.

With a very difficult boss defeated for very little reward, I went to tackle the final boss.

I'll admit, I was sort of thinking I might one-shot him at this point. Oh, my hubris. I was doing okay unless I had to heal, at which point he made it impossible to back up and find space. After getting fed up fighting the same five black knights every couple of minutes I gave up on beating him fairly, so I put on the Havel ring and armour and started tanking. With the sheer damage output of the black knight sword (which I now have six of), it was just a race to see who could hit 0hp first. I won, easily, which felt like cheating

Such a bad look. Hate it.

It's back to the Gideon black for the final cutscene, where Gideon sacrifices herself to restart the world, which feels in character.

Again, not an iron railing, but we take what we can get

So that was Dark Souls, starring Gideon Nav. The first half was great! the second half was mind numbing.

Next up is Dark Souls II, which I will be playing as Camilla Hect. I've seen what a strength build can achieve, let's see what I can do with dexterity

[fuckmemurderman]

Hey, freaks (affectionate), it's only 2 weeks to Halloween and I thought I'd rustle up a collection of Halloween movies you wouldn't normally consider in your lineup (yes, I consider all of these to be Halloween movies) and I highly recommend them. Again, as always, do NOT interact with this post or talk to/follow me if you are under 18.

The Halloween Tree (1993) - my absolute favorite movie fully serious. It's an animated movie about a group of kids meeting on Halloween night to go trick-or-treating but one of them is missing. They get caught up in a magical adventure through time and space learning about different cultures and their influence on modern Halloween while they look for their friend with the help of an ancient sorcerer whose intentions are not entirely clear. Based on a Ray Bradbury book of the same name (I think the movie is 1000x better though).

Van Helsing (2004) - the Hugh Jackman horror action masterpiece. If you don't know anything about it, it's about an alternate version of the character Van Helsing who works for the Vatican hunting monsters from classic Gothic literature. He is called on a mission to kill Dracula which has mysterious significance to his own past that he cannot remember. It's campy, it's fun, and it has an absolutely killer soundtrack. Lots of great practical effects and the CGI is stylized so it's aged pretty well in the 20 years since its release.

The Crow (1994) - now is an especially good time to watch this incredible movie because honestly fuck that remake and everyone who thought it would be a good idea. If you don't know this one, it's a revenge story about a musician who was murdered with his fiancee the night before their wedding by a gang of thugs. He is resurrected a year later with superhuman abilities, giving him the opportunity to kill everyone involved with the murder. It's at its core a beautiful story about love and protecting the innocent and it gets so much deeper than a simple "eye for an eye" type plot. It's based on a comic but it isn't a direct adaptation. (Side note: the cat does NOT die or get hurt!)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) - the movie that came before the tv show and is just as good. Basic story is a high school cheerleader finds out she is the chosen one destined to hunt vampires and other evils and she is not about it at first. Think Clueless meets The Lost Boys. It's funny, it's got good drama, the villain is compelling - it's a lot of fun.

Urban Legend (1998) - an underrated slasher using common urban legends to murder a bunch of college kids. It's every bit as good as Scream in similar ways but it was overshadowed by more popular films at the time. It has really good twists and the mystery of who the killer is makes it a really engaging watch. (Side note: the dog DOES die but you can easily avoid seeing it)

House on Haunted Hill (1999) - a remake that is better than the original imo. A wealthy roller coaster designer invites a group of seemingly unrelated people to a party in a former insane asylum for an overnight challenge: whoever can stay the whole night in the supposedly haunted building wins a large sum of cash. The problem is that the building is extremely haunted and they are all in danger. They are also all linked to the building in some way and the ghosts are very angry with them in particular.

Butterfly Kisses (2015) - one of the best found footage movies I've ever seen no exaggeration. It's about an amateur filmmaker who inexplicably discovered an unfinished project of some missing film students in his house. The students were researching a local urban legend of a supernatural being called Peeping Tom who, if you manage to see him, will get closer to you each time you blink until he is able to touch you and then he kills you. It's extremely well done and manages to do what The Blair Witch Project did without having any more similarities than the film students getting into something bigger than they thought.

ParaNorman (2012) - brilliant stop motion animation telling the story of a bullied kid with the ability to talk to the dead as he is needed to break a curse dating back to the witch hunts. It's a little goofy in parts but it's really a heartbreaking tragedy in the meat of it and as a former bullied kid it really hit home for me in a way most movies don't. Definitely watch in a good headspace.

Rec (2007) - found footage following a local news crew recording a fluff segment that turns into a fast paced fight for survival against a rage virus type infection spreading through an apartment building. It's got a basic zombie survival setup but it is so well done and so scary it really stands apart from most of its peers (and if you know me you know I am SO sick of zombie movies I could puke. This is an exception). Lots of jarring violence and overwhelming panic it's a wild ride the instant it gets going.

The Frighteners (1996) - kind of a forgotten gem of a supernatural murder mystery. A disgraced psychic investigator who everyone thinks is a fraud but he can actually see ghosts finds himself caught up in a series of unexplained deaths that seem to be caused by the Grim Reaper. I can't really say much more about it without spoilers but it's really really good and has some excellent twists.

Cry_Wolf (2005) - a meta slasher that takes itself a little more seriously. It uses the concept of a Mafia/Werewolf lying game and applies it to a prep school whodunnit. A foreign transfer student with a history of troublemaking falls in with a group of popular kids at his new school and they decide to prank their fellow students by creating a fake serial killer in a chain email just to scare everyone. They end up getting scared themselves when the killer they imagined seems to have come to life and is targeting them. I was OBSESSED with this movie as a teenager and it still is a decent watch now.

This is just general movies I like to watch around Halloween. If you're looking for specific types of movies (werewolf, shark, psychological, etc.) hit up my inbox and I'll get you a list of my favorites!

[traumxrei-archive]

【 book 6 thoughts ! (3) 】

back at it again ^^ had so much fun laughing bc rook and idia in this chunk of chapters jfksdjfs

part: one, two, three, four / ??

[ spoilers from 6-36 till 6-42 below the cut ! ]

[ about : hunt family's villas ]

lowk sad that they didn't spend more time narrating rookepeyuu's travels together. i'm sure we would've gotten a lot of good banter between them ++ taking a look at the hunt family's villas *eyes emoji*

also. rook being a middle child.....thinking on that.... but also WHEW five siblings, and they call themselves a clan ?? when epel says "the more i learn, the more mysterious you become" i am seconding his words.

[ about : le chasseur d'amour ]

FUCK IM CRYISNFDJSHFJS— i love the way the whole base is scrambling bc !!! omg the base is under attack !!! how could this happen !! and idia pulls up the surveillance feeds and it's this blond frenchman zooming around on a broom introducing himself to the mf OCEAN— (also rook calling vil his "meiyuu" aka sworn friend cryinggggg and sobbingggg)

I STILL CAN'T GET OVER HIM DOING A WHOLE SELF INTRO FOR THE PPL THAT DON'T KNOW HIM !! and then idia n ortho's reactions are so funny for no reason jdfksjf (once again, idia tryna avoid violence and ordering to "secure" rook instead of "removing" him)

[ about : alas... ]

ok rook was the only person whose "defeat" was convincing. the way epel is so bad at acting...and not yuu saying alas of all things to signify their defeat sjkfdsf this is so funnyyy

[ about : rule of the island ]

"the rule of this island is to return the living back to where they came from, alive." that means that they don't intend to hurt people or kill people. and the only beings that are on the island are the staff and probably any phantoms they kept alive for experimentation.

[ about : saving vil's life ]

i'm having such a blast laughing at rook's antics this time sjkfjdf not idia letting them in bc "vil might have a life threatening illness that no one knows about" and "rook might have the medicine he needs" aND HE BRINGS OUT A BAG OF RETINOL AND VIT C SERUM PPPLEASEEEE

idia: y-you're really just giving him skincare ? not trying to help them escape ?

rook: that is right ! as the chasseur d'amour it is my duty to—

idia: it's clearly not worth risking your life over skin creams. like, ever.

[ about : ouchhh ]

ok idia did NOT have to say that about yuu— that just hurt to even read bc we know how yuu's been feeling about themself after all that's happened around them...

[ about : nice ride, idia ]

ok but. why does this

kinda remind me of the batmobile— no but seriously, it looks like something that we should be seeing in book 7 rather than rn,,,the wheels are made out of spinning wheels, and it's in. the shape of a bat/dragon with two horns and red eyes....

[ about : ortho and phantoms ]

ortho....did you just say there's a "bunch of phantoms" under the pillar ???? you mean there's multiple phantoms down there that STYX has frozen. and...the more pressing issue...what does he mean "you wouldn't want to end up like me" ? the whole time he was talking about the phantoms, he was...talking in this very quiet and melancholic tone.... (did ortho get hurt badly by the phantoms ? is that why he's basically a robot now ?)

[ about : direbeast grim !! ]

so. grim is a species called direbeast with a high blot density? or they said he's a mix between direbeast n something else and to me, that reeks of experimentation...but who would do such a thing ? and his blot accumulation spikes and drops unexpectedly....maybe as a direbeast, grim is able to turn blot into a magical energy source ?

and there's traces of a...powerful spell on him ? the fire in his ears being blue isn't just a cute and silly thing and it's signs of a curse ? omg. wait do you think that grim is actually some sort of beast from thousands of years ago that got put to sleep by a powerful spell, and he just woke up now ? all this grim lore makes me wanna know more abt where he came from...

[ about : shroud family curse ]

so their curse is that blot gets incinerated the moment it accumulates within them. so the ancient shrouds led a revolt against the jupiter family using the original phantoms (whatever that means) and thus got cursed + banished to the island of woe. they manage tartarus (phantom prison) and the underworld (phantom graveyard). and they're doing blot research in order to get rid of the phantoms so that they can regain their freedom....wow.

and if they don't have any blot. the curse goes straight to eating up their magic, so they constantly need to be using magic to even live. oh my god. the reason why they gave them that job is bc the phantoms will continue to leak blot into the world even after they're dead. so jupiter family put that curse on the shrouds with every intent of making them like a sponge that can "purify" any blot that escapes. bc if not it'll start affecting the world.

so that's why they're doing blot research :00 !! they're trying to figure out a way to neutralize or reutilize blot bc. the shrouds want to escape. they don't want to keep living in the island of woe, which is why they want to turn the phantoms into an energy source. it would bring them back the honor they had once lost + they don't have to keep living at the island of woe to keep the phantoms in check.

[ about : another ortho ]

okay so. i noticed this before. but ortho was talking about himself in third person in one of the chapters. like "what can ortho do for him" instead of using his usual personal pronoun of "boku". and then idia mentioned "what happened ot ortho when we tried to leave this place". so...i'm assuming that there's two orthos, and that one of them is dead ? or something happened to him ? meanwhile the ortho we know rn also knows about this other ortho, and sees him as an extension, but not entirely, himself. (also take note this is all speculation i do not know if im right or wrong)

okayy we're stopping here for tonight ! when i tell you i laughed so much for this chunk of chapters, i mean it jskfjskf it was a nice contrast from last time, since last time was more tense + sad moments... until next timee

[hms-no-fun]

number six for the Homestuck ask meme!!!

what got me into homestuck? ah, it's... [long dramatic pause] complicated

i didn't read homestuck start to finish until i think near the end of 2015, finishing sometime in spring 2016. that might be a little early in the timeline though? it's hard to say. my best friend at the time urged me to read it because he was obsessed, and this was around the time of that "is homestuck the modern ulysses" video and the michael lutz homestuck piece for vice, so there was a lot of-- wait hold the fuck the phone, that idea channel video came out in 2012 and that lutz article came out in 2019???? dude what lmao okay well i'm officially an unreliable narrator

point is he got me to read it and i did and i loved it but i didn't really understand a lot of what happened. then my friend and i had a big falling out (which served as a partial inspiration for dave's reaction to june in godfeels 2.1), and it wasn't until late 2018 that i encountered a lot of the homestuck renaissance material that would reshape my understanding of the comic to what it is today.

but the funny thing? i actually read problem sleuth when it was still ongoing! might've even read jailbreak before that? in the early 2000s i read a looooooooooooooot of webcomics, and i'm ngl that's a huge foundation of my sense of humor. ryan north, kc green, david malki, kate beaton, meredith gran, allie brosh, a bunch of others... and i mean, god, of course i read ctrl+alt+del, penny arcade, vg cats. the awful christian furry opus JACK (which i read years before sandman, unfortunately for me). andrew hussie was right in there with that milieu, so i always thought of them as just like... Another One Of Those Guys. so many folks from that scene emerged out of the same online edgelord gamer subculture that birthed the true classics of Adult Swim. so when i got older, stopped reading webcomics as much, then got back into homestuck, i was kind of shocked to see how reactionary people were about hussie's past? that was just the scene, man. and andrew, like everyone else in that scene whose work remains relevant, grew right the fuck out of it. that growth is a big part of what i love about homestuck, because the arc of the kids learning to be less awful over the course of its runtime very much resonated with my experience growing up and out of that scene.

i think there's a lot of stuff in early homestuck especially that can be tough to understand because it's so rooted in that early internet culture, when gamers were nostalgic for point and click adventure games and thought they'd never see one hit the mainstream ever again. ah, what innocent times... unfortunately it turned out that point and click adventure games were never good and that's why homestuck is a documentary

[kristannafever]

She Ain’t Gotta Do Much

Kristanna Modern au Rated: M WC: 2100

~I started this about five or six months ago with the idea it would be a cute little oneshot, and it turned into a novella.  True to my form, it’s 100% self indulgent.  

A/N: Inspired by the song lyrics ‘She Ain’t Gotta Do Much’ by Classified

Chapter Index

-------------

His thumb was hovering just above the screen as he scrolled through her photos.  All of the sudden the phone vibrated in his palm, and a little heart flashed across the screen.

What the…?

It dawned on him slowly what he’d done.  He looked at the bottom of the photo, and the empty heart was now red.  

Oh… No…

He might be new to social media, but he didn’t live under a rock.  The now red heart meant he had accidentally liked her picture.  He looked at the date it was posted and realized it was from three years ago.  

Oh fuck no!

“How do I unlike something?”

Sven pulled his head up from his sandwich.  “Huh?” he responded with a mouth full of food.

“Quick, how do I unlike something?”

Sven swallowed his bite. “Like on Instagram?”

“Yes!  How do I unlike it?”

“Just press the heart again.”

Kristoff pressed the heart again and it turned back to white.  Relieved, he let out a little sigh and set his phone face down on the table, not wanting to have that happen to him again.  He glanced at Sven and there was a funny look and a twisted smile on his face.

“What did you do?” he asked in a singsong voice.

“Nothing.”  

Sven was quiet for a moment, and then he dropped a bomb.  “She’s still gonna get a notification that you liked it, man.”

Kristoff stopped breathing.  “What?”

His friend was full on grinning now, clearly enjoying what was happening.  “If she has push notifications on, she’s going to see that you liked the post.”

His face felt suddenly way too hot.  “What if she doesn’t have them on?”

Sven shrugged.  “I dunno. Maybe it goes away.  I don’t know too much about that shit.  Clearly neither do you.”

No, he certainly did not know much about that shit.   “What if she saw I liked the photo, then she went to look and realized that I unliked it.”

“Then I would say she would be aware that you were creeping on her pictures.”

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, looking down at the table in thought.  This was why he was so reluctant to join social media!  Damn that secretary for signing him up.  He should have stood his ground.  What the hell was happening to him.  What was he going to do about this?

“Who were you creeping on?”

His head came up.  “What?”

“Whose account were you looking at?”

Somehow, his cheeks got hotter.  “Never mind.”

Sven looked at him closely for a second and then his face lit up.  “Dude!  The Boss? You were creeping on the Boss?”  He laughed like a maniac.

Kristoff felt mortified.

“Oh man!  I saw you take some hard looks at her, but then you have that thing going on with the secretary… wait, you’re not trying to double play them, are you?”

“What?  No!  Honestly, Sven, what the fuck?  You know I am not that kind of guy.”

His friend dipped his head in agreement.  “I know, just checking.  You’ve been weird lately.”

“Weird?  Weird how?”  Now he suddenly had worries that he was being weird in front of Anna.  Or rather, he knew he was being weird, now he was worried that she had noticed.

“Like you’ve been lonely way too long kinda weird.  How many times have I told you to get Instagram?”

“A bunch.”

“Uh huh.  And that blonde secretary goads you into it in one afternoon?  Gotta say, she ain’t your type, Kris.  Even I can see that.  So what the fuck are you doing?”

Kristoff was sure his cheeks were crimson.  He was embarrassed and he felt stupid and he himself didn’t have any idea what he was doing. He was just didn’t want her to keep bugging him!  And look where that had gotten him.

There was no way this day was going to get worse.  

The table vibrated under his elbow and Kristoff picked up his phone and looked at it.  His heart dropped into his stomach.  Anna Arendelle had liked his one and only post.

*****

Anna’s phone was laying next to her keyboard as she was furiously typing away when the screen lit up. She looked down to see a notification from Instagram.  Anna grabbed her phone and looked at it more closely.  Someone who didn’t even have a profile picture named Kristoff Bjorgman had liked a photo of her from three years ago.

“Who is this?” she muttered to herself, opening up the app.

Curious, she looked into his profile and realized it was Kris, one of the guys she’d hired to reno the office.  He only had one photo, giving the camera an amazingly awkward smile and wave.

Who the hell took this photo, she thought.  It’s awful.

Anna shrugged.  He probably liked it by mistake.  It wasn’t the first time this had happened to her. Poor guy was probably sweating bullets. She didn’t understand why it was seen as weird to look at someone’s public profile.  They all put themselves and their lives out there, people are bound to be curious, whether you want them to or not.  If Anna cared about controlling who looked at her pictures, she would have put her account on private.

Not giving it any forethought, she liked his one and only horrible photo, then set her phone down to get more work done.

 TWO WEEKS PRIOR

“Dude.  Relax.”

Kristoff couldn’t relax. This was a huge job, the biggest they’d ever looked at.  If he couldn’t give them a proper price, they were going to choose someone cheaper and their constriction company was going to lose out on yet another lucrative opportunity, which they absolutely could not afford to do.

“I don’t know how you are so calm about this,” Kristoff muttered.  His stomach was upset.

Sven smiled. “Maybe because I’m the brains of this operation, whereas you are the brawn.”

“If you’re the brains, why am I doing all the numbers?” Kristoff countered.

“Because I’m great with people, and you my friend, are good at math.”

“Exactly, Sven.  I do all the quotes and I do all the books.  I told you that we’re-”

Sven held up his hand, suddenly serious.  “Don’t go there.  Not now. We are going to land this job and it is going to open up a whole bunch of doors for us.”

Sometimes Sven’s joking, never ending, never-give-up-attitude was annoying, only Kristoff could see now that he did indeed understand the stakes.  That was why Sven was the show runner when it came to clients.  He was a natural with people and Kristoff was the opposite.   Even though they were both diligent workers, without Sven, he doubted if clients would get any confidence out of him based on simply having to talk, even if the price was good.  That was Kristoff’s strength, the numbers.  It was Sven’s to get them the work.

The elevator stopped on their floor and they stepped out into a well-lit lobby.   Kristoff hooked his finer in his collar and pulled at his tie, feeling extremely out of place in a suit.  It had been Sven’s idea to show up with an air of professionalism, and while it had sounded good at the time, Kristoff was lamenting going along with it now.

He followed, walking stiffly as they approached the reception desk where they were greeted by a good-looking young blonde woman.  Kristoff looked around the space while Sven worked his charm.  It already looked sleek and modern.  What was there for them to do here in such an already put together place?

The receptionist made a call from a desk phone and asked the men to follow her when she hung up.  They were led through a set of double doors into a space that was full of cubicles.  Walking through them to the other side which was lined with offices, they turned down a hallway and headed straight to the end.  The receptionist knocked, and a faint voice beyond the door told them to ‘come in’.

The office was absolutely massive.  Corner, of course.  Definitely the Boss.  Floor to ceiling book cases filled the entire wall to his right.  There was an entire living room sofa set as they entered, with a wet bar adjacent to the left of the door they had just walked through.   At the end was a commanding oak desk with four plush chairs sitting in front of it.  

Kristoff was still looking around when Sven made introductions.  It wasn’t until he heard his name that he turned to see the person whose hand he was about to shake, and had to look down.

Her copper hair was pulled into a professional updo and her blue eyes smiled along with her mouth as he shook her hand.   The makeup on her face was subtle, her freckles unhindered by it.  As she invited them to sit, Kristoff found himself mesmerised by her movements.  She was gorgeous.

Sven launched into a little history about their company and Kristoff did his best to pay attention. His mind kept wandering as he glanced around the room until the time came when he heard his business partner mention the ‘scope of work’.

“Let’s walk, shall we?” the Boss said as she stood.

Kristoff realized suddenly that he had been paying zero attention when she told them her name.  

Shit

~  ~ ~  ~  ~

 “Cheers!”  Sven laughed and clinked his pint glass to Kristoff’s and they took a long swig.  “Dude, I am so happy we landed that job.”

Kristoff let out a long exhale.  “Me too. You have no idea how relieved I am.”

Sven regarded him for a moment, smile faltering a little.  “If would make me feel a lot better if you had confidence in us.”

It made him feel bad to hear his friend say that.  In truth he did have confidence in them.  While their physical statures were similar, their personalities were the opposite. Sven liked to joke that he was an extrovert that had adopted Kristoff’s introverted ass when they were kids, and he wasn’t wrong.  Which was why they made such good friends and business partners.  Not only that, they were both exceptionally hard workers and the work they did was meticulous and of the highest quality.   Kristoff had a lot of pride in what they did.  

“I do have confidence, Sven. I’m sorry I don’t show it.”

Sven waved his hand. “Jesus, don’t go all soft on me. It was a joke.”

Kristoff laughed it off with his friend, knowing full well it had not been a joke.  

Like always, Sven brought up something else and they talked between watching the hockey game on the televisions in the Pub.  Kristoff tried his best to concentrate, but his thoughts kept going back to the job.

Thankfully after the Boss had showed them the scope of work she wanted done for the office – which was a nearly complete overhaul – she had handed them each a business card, saving him the embarrassment of having to ask Sven afterwards what her name was.

Anna Arendelle Administrative Director

Kristoff had spent two agonizing days going over the plans and all the numbers.  She wanted to convert the open bullpen of cubicles, into full offices.  Not only that, she wanted to remove three existing offices against the windows to have a communal area where clients could gather with the view of the downtown. And most curiously, she was cutting her office and two other large ones, into two.

The material quotes alone were the largest he had ever had to deal with.  Adding in sub-trades and figuring out how much labour costs this was going to take, wondering if him and Sven could even do it alone, gave him anxiety.

In the end, after taking an entire week to go over the pricing about a hundred times, he’d submitted the cost to the Administrative Director.  Her approval came within fifteen minutes, leaving Kristoff wondering if he really had to be all that worried over it in the first place.

They had met with her only a few hours ago to go over the contracts to get signatures and Kristoff had left feeling with a sense of awe that went well beyond the gratitude of the work she was giving them.  There was something incredibly alluring about her.  She gave off an effortless sense of grace and she held a deep intelligence in her eyes.  

By the end of their meeting, Kristoff understood that he was deeply attracted to her.  

---

Next Chapter

[tainted-by-skeletons]

Bully Reader X Sans (Part One)

(SFW And there's a little Sans X Grillby in this chapter.)

Getting drunk with your friends is always a good idea when it's just your friends. But when the guy you keep picking on is asleep on a bar stool and someone has a marker handy… do the nice thing, and not the thing you want to do. Okay?

“Hey Y/N! Look, Sans is sleeping!”

“Heheheh~ nooo waaayy~”

“You should go mess with him. We do it all the time. It's okay.”

“Aheheh. Okay. Doonnn tell em.”

“Haha we won't. Go on!”

It's a lot harder to resist when you're drunk and a bunch of dog monsters are telling you that you should totally do it and everything will be okay. The good thing is, I wasn't as mean as I could have been. I was handed a marker by a large monster whose face was mostly made up of teeth. (Nice guy by the way) I took it without any hesitation and made a beeline to the small skeleton. The joyful crowd behind me and complete lack of restaurant staff gave me more than enough courage. But even then, I did still have one problem.

“Wait! What the hell do I draw on him?”

“Anything! Come on! He's not a light sleeper. Just draw something funny!”

“Or cuuute!~ hehehe~” Brandy giggled.

Brandy was a perpetually drunk bunny monster who spent all her time at Grillby's and had a crush on Sans. I'm really not sure why. Yet, her suggestion actually gave me an idea. It was something that would probably look funny on him, and I couldn't mess it up either.

I won't have anyone knowing I can't draw. So I'm gonna give him freckles and little cheek hearts.

I giggled to myself as I spotted the skeleton’s strangely soft white cheeks with black permanent marker. Thankfully, he was sleeping with his chin on the bar on top of his arms. That way I could easily draw what I needed.

“Okay lemme see! Heheh. What did you- oh really? Laaame.”

“Whattt?! Whaddya meeean?”

“Why didn't you write something on his forehead?”

It wouldn't be legible.

“Aww man. I gueeess I should have.”

“Here. Give it to me. I'll do it.”

Doggo, the mostly blind member of the royal guard, took my marker. He was one of my first couple of friends.

“What are yooou gonna do?” I asked him.

“Nothing. Both of you are banned from my restaurant.” An ethereal, but somehow also gruff and stern voice told us.

It was Grillby. The owner of the restaurant. And also one of Sans' closest friends.

“Oh fuck!”

That's exactly what I meant earlier. I really wish I didn't draw on Sans’ face. I felt awful about it the next day. I knew his brother Papyrus would find out, and I really liked him. Papyrus was another close friend of mine in the underground. He made terrible spaghetti and tried to kill me with some puzzles but after all that we became fast friends. I think that's actually when Sans decided that I was his least favorite person. He was basically obsessed with his brother and I think he thought I'd steal him away or something. Which I would never do. Papyrus is really not my type.

“Come on Paps! Throw like a man dammit! Hahaha!”

I was having a snowball fight with Papyrus and a few guard dog monsters when Sans came up to us.

“Hey. Y/N. Come over here a sec.” Sans said calmly after he somehow appeared behind us.

“Woah! How'd you?- whatever.” I wondered as I stepped away from the game.

“I don't think you should be hanging out with my brother so much.”

“Pft. What is he? 6? Who the hell are you to say that?”

I hate people telling me what to do. So hearing that set me off and I said something rude before I could stop myself.

“I'm his older brother. And he shouldn't have to deal with people that insult him, cuss around him and I don't like you casually stealing my nickname for him either.”

“Uh. Obsessed much? One. He's a grown up. He can handle it. And two? Being protective of nicknames is kinda creepy if it's your younger brother.”

“Wh-Creepy!? What the hell is wrong with you!?”

Before Sans could start lecturing me, one of the big monsters came up to us.

“You guys can talk later! Come on! We don't wanna wait forever!”

It was a dog guard in ginormous armor and his tail was wagging wildly. Anxious to get away from the humiliating conversation, I ignored everything Sans said and started walking back to my game.

“Just like. Chill. Okay? No pun intended.”

Sans' Pov

Puns were my thing. Alright? And I don't have a lot of things to begin with. Other than Papyrus' nickname that bitch stole too. Using a pun against me was the last straw. As ridiculous as that sounds. So that was the start of our intense hatred for each other. I wasn't really the type of person to start arguments but she sure was. We both got tossed out of practically every building we were in together for causing a scene. Getting drunk and falling asleep at Grillby's was a usual occurrence for me, but I had no idea my new enemy would come in and torment me that day.

“Mnnn. Grillby…” I muttered after waking up on a barstool again.

Apparently I slept until everyone left. At least, that's what I thought. Apparently Grillby cleared the place out early after I got graffitied.

“Sans. You need to get up.”

“Uggh. I know. I'll go home in a sec.”

“Not that.”

“Whaat?”

“Y/N drew on your face. I'm gonna take you to my place so we can wash it off. Alright?”

“What?! What the hell did she do?!”

I bolted up. Nearly falling out of my chair.

“Not as much as I thought actually. It's not bad.”

“What? How could it not be bad?”

After I had steadied myself, I finally looked up at Grillby's face. He had a strange smile that unsettled me.

“Don't think about it too much. Put up your hood and walk with me to my place.” He commanded.

“Uh- huh?” I squeaked.

Some people say that Grillby is bossy and a buzz kill. But I don't mind at all. He never usually bosses me around. But when he does… I can't say I dislike it. I immediately hopped off the chair and flipped up my hood. Very suddenly, Grillby took my hand and walked me out the door. Opening it for me.

“Ah… Jeez Grillbz. I'm not a kid anymore.”

“Oh. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be coddling you.”

He let go of my hand and I realized my mistake.

“Er… I mean. I'll take it as a compliment I guess. You seem pissed off that she was fuckin’ with me.”

“I am. I'm not sure I like having a human down here. She may get along with everyone, but I feel like all my customers have been a lot more rowdy and even the whole town has become a bit more… a bit… ugh. I'm just not sure I have the right word.”

“She reminds me a lot of Catty. Or Bratty.”

Funny enough, I used to get bullied a lot by them too. When I was a kid that is.

“Haha! I'm sure she does. Hmmm. I wonder then…”

Without warning, Grillby took hold of my hood and pulled it back to look at my face more closely. I turned and looked up at him with a slightly shocked expression.

“Hmm~”

Grillby's eyes softened and he stood staring at me for a couple seconds.

“You do seem to attract a type. Don't you Sans?”

“What? What's that supposed to mean?”

“I never told you. Because I didn't like how they treated you. But Catty and Bratty came by one day. I talked to them for a while and they revealed that they picked on you because they both had a crush on you.”

“What?! No. You're kidding me!”

“I wonder if that human girl is similar.”

“I don't believe a word you said.”

“You might when you see what she drew on you.”

“What?!”

“Shh!”

It was late at night and I shouldn't have been shouting. So Grillby put a finger to my lips. All the embarrassment and physical contact started to make my knees weak. I tripped a little.

“Ohhahaha. You're still quite tired aren't you?” Grillby laughed at me as he took my hand again.

“Shut up.” I muttered quietly. “I'll be fine.”

But… I couldn't stop myself from squeezing his hand so he wouldn't let go of mine.

“Oh? So you don't want me to carry you?”

“N-no! Don't do that!”

“Hmhm~ Alright.”

Grillby has always teased me. He usually says something about how I make it so easy. I'm not sure what that means though. I don't find it easy to tease anyone.

“Aahh… there we go.” Grillby muttered to himself as he unlocked his front door, letting go of my hand.

He let me in first, but I didn't go straight to his bathroom. I remembered where it was but I felt awkward showing how well I already knew his place.

“Still need help?”

“Er! Uh! I just. Um… don't remember which door is your bathroom.”

“Oh right. Sorry. I guess it feels like I invite you over more than I actually do. It's the first door on the right.”

I nodded and made my way there. Grillby picked up his pace in order to catch up with me. I could guess he wanted to see my reaction when I saw myself. Looking in the mirror, I found little black dots along my cheeks, and small, badly drawn hearts below my eyes.

“Ehaaahhh! W-why- why! Why did she do that?!”

“Hahahaha! I'm really not sure Sans. I think that girl likes you.”

“No! I- Aghhh!”

I tried desperately to rub off the black dots. Even black smears would be better. But they didn't budge at all.

“Fuck! Y/N didn't use a permanent marker did she?”

“Oh no… I really hope not.”

Grillby seemed to know that my “skin” held permanent markers really well. He opened up a cabinet and grabbed a brand new bar of soap and a small towel.

“I guess we'll find out.” I sighed.

“Alright Sans. Stay still.”

“What? No come on. Just let me do it.”

Grillby turned on the faucet, making sure the water was warm.

“I wasn't watching you when I should have been. I should help you.” He decided.

“That's just an excuse for you to put your hands all over my face.”

“Oh please let me~ I love your soft face.” Grillby teased as he pinched my cheeks and rubbed them around. I squeaked a little in surprise and it only made Grillby more determined.

“No! Just! Rrrr…” I growled.

He finally left my face alone so he could wet the small towel with hot water. After opening up the new bar of soap and rubbing it on the soaking towel, Grillby once again told me to,

“Stay still.”

I kinda liked being taken care of and fussed over, so I finally let him have his fun.

“Ugh. Fuck… that kinda hurts.”

“Oh you're such a baby.”

“No I'm not.”

Grillby put a hand up to his face to attempt to stifle a laugh.

“Hey!”

“Hahaha! I'm sorry. You're just so cute I can't help it.”

“I'm not- ah I'm not even gonna say it.”

“Hmhmhm~”

“Ya know. Maybe I should do it myself.”

To my surprise, Grillby gave me the towel. When I looked in the mirror I saw no change to the marks.

“Nooooo no no nooooo!”

I scrubbed my cheeks until they felt inflamed and raw.

“Awww. Poor thing. Don't hurt yourself.”

I threw the towel at Grillby. It sizzled when it struck his neck.

“Ugh. Now my shirt is all wet.”

Before I could stop him, Grillby slid off his vest and started unbuttoning his shirt.

“Wh- what are you doing?!”

“What? Suddenly you have a problem with me undressing?”

“Yeah!”

“Awww. If it makes you feel better I'll let you take yours off too.”

“That would not make me feel better!”

“Haha. Then get out of the bathroom.”

“Where am I supposed to go now?!”

“Do you want to stay the night?”

“Are you… gonna be shirtless?”

“If you'd like~”

“Aahhh!”

I should have taken the chance, but I got scared and fled to my own place.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Including Bryony Masterlist

and we're out here in plain sight (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: Phil's an optimistic author whose science fiction novel is well on its way to becoming a film. Dan's an actor whose cynism toward love is nothing short of infuriating. It takes a while, but they find something to agree on.

best kept secret (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Bryony wants to introduce Dan to her friend Phil... the same guy Dan may already be dating.

between us (ao3) - danrifics

Summary: Manchester University Fallowfield Accommodation Facebook Group

Phil Lester 15:45

Long shot but is anyone in the group the person over in Wallwood Hall with the pride flag in their window?

Comments:

Bryony Matthewman 17:12

If ur the guy in the building opposite with the pride flag in his window then ur looking for @Dan Howell

bi your side (ao3) - t_hens

Summary: Dan does his best to comfort Bryony who is nervous about going on her first date with a girl.

Bound by Love (ao3) - thesassykels66

Summary: The day itself is already cliche, filled with flowers, sweets, and the "idea" of love. But, for Dan and Phil, the day was to be celebrated and be purely about their love.

That is if Phil could be able to calm his nerves before walking down the aisle, and be pronounced as Dan's husband.

bruising the sun (ao3) - waveydnp

Summary: the bedsharing friends to lovers roommates au i was always destined to write

Everything Is Illuminated (ao3) - vzm

Summary: "You used to think I'm cool".

"Yeah I did".

"You don't think that now, do you."

"Not one bit", says Dan, leaning in.

First Dates (ao3) - thatsthephan

Summary: The thought of the lads and their friends playing this game is too funny not to write about it.

floorbecue (with a c) (ao3) - phanetixs

Summary: “Phil Lester; love of my life, fire of my loins,” Dan pinches the bridge of his nose, “why do I have a thousand pound grill against my feet?”

Or, a thing about a thing.

it's a church of burnt romances (ao3) - phanetixs

Summary: Dan backs into the car and the driver asks where he’s heading. His head swims with thoughts of Phil, and of guilt and embarrassment at how he’s subconsciously treating his friend. Whose life centres around virtues like chastity. And non-objectification goes both ways. Dan takes a few deep breaths, pressing a palm to his insistent bulge to quell his arousal. As always, it doesn’t work.

Well, he resolves, if he can’t get Phil out of his head, he’s got to get someone else into it. Or onto him, preferably.

Or, a Fleabag AU.

Just Like Heaven (ao3) - Allthephils

Summary: Dan is a barista and Phil is the best part of his job.

Loud Places (ao3) - yikesola

Summary: Bryony had abandoned Phil for a pretty girl at the bar, which meant he was now sitting alone in what used to be their booth. It’d be easy to be annoyed. And he is, kinda. But more than anything, Phil figures he’s just… lonely. This crowded club is packed with people, and he feels so fucking lonely sitting in his booth and sipping his cocktail.

An au fic about beats per minute and doing things.

Middle of Somewhere (ao3) - throughtheirsnoses (det395)

Summary: Phil's an apprentice at a library who is drawn to a regular visitor with fluffy hair and a questionable attitude

not trying to hide it (ao3) - dvp_95

Summary: Phil's parents want him to get a flatmate. Bryony wants to get her newly-evicted mate off her couch. It’s not quite luck or fate, but Phil is thankful anyway.

playing charades (ao3) - watergator

Summary: dan and phil work in the same office. bryony thinks they’d make a cute couple. they both seem to be equally as oblivious to each other as well as their feelings. at least, that’s what everyone thinks…

Pretty Guy (ao3) - Archive (Curlylinguist)

Summary: Drinking as a coping mechanism is not Phil’s usual style, but then, he reasons, neither is spontaneously tagging along on an entirely unplanned night out with a bunch of strangers after the bizarre high of a successful publishing meeting. And all just because a pretty boy asked him to.

Or, Phil stumbles across a Pride rally and a certain curly-haired queer activist catches his eye.

proved us right (when you proved them wrong) (ao3) - happy_endings15

Summary: Dan comes home from Pride, but Phil isn't the only one waiting for him.

some killer queen you are (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Dan’s enjoyed taking a break from YouTube, but for some reason, he still feels like something is missing. Determined to fill the creative void in his life, he decides to try out something new: drag.

sometimes this has a hot, sweet taste (ao3) - georgiabread

Summary: Then, the inevitable declaration, murmured into the skin just below his ear: “I really, really love you, Phil. Like, so much.”

Phil shuffles back and takes two dimpled cheeks in his palms and kisses him, drunk and sloppy and smitten. “Love you too, you nong.”

Summer’s End (ao3) - Allthephils

Summary: Dan’s magic is something to be hidden but a new tutor brings him out of the dark.

The Birthday Forecast (ao3) - WordsAblaze

Summary: It's Dan's birthday and, even if he's not as excited as he should be, Phil's forecast makes it much more interesting! Or the one where Phil kisses Dan 26 times on his birthday

the rain (ao3) - watergator

Summary: it's raining in london

the slipperiest country (ao3) - PhancyPhandom

Summary: Dan and phil take a cute romantic getaway to Greece. Some pals come along too.

“That’s okay if you lock us out, I have dan to keep me warm.” Phil leant over the chairs and lazily pulled dan into his grip. He peppered kisses on his cheek.

“Babe, we better leave them to their own devices, Phil is drunk drunk.” Bryony giggled.

Through the intimate onslaught of phil, Dan looked up in bemusement.

“Right, and you aren’t?”

Venice: City Of Dreams (ao3) - expiredlove

Summary: Dan and Phil are on holiday in Venice, Italy, with two of their best friends. They discover the city with their unprofessional tour guide Phil and end their day with a romantic stop at the Accademia Bridge, which is known for its so called love locks.

When You Try Not to Think About Elephants (ao3) - Merrydith

Summary: When Dan suggests they cross something off their bucket list, Phil doesn't realize that it might change their relationship forever. And once it does, he tries everything he can to not think about it. But when you try not to think about elephants, you end up thinking about elephants.

A.k.a - The Skinny Dipping/Roller Blading Fic. (Feat. Fluff and Kisses)

[ap-sadistics]

jung qvq [erqnpgrq] naq [erqnpgrq] ba yzxgjg qb? bgure guna or naablvat v zrna

ohhhhhh its funny really. "funny".

its technically more than two. i hate their entire friend group. its a bunch of bnfs (big name fans) on twitter. its absolutely certain you know at least one of them if youre in the fandom.

the thing im most irked about how they leverage their popularity for create a biased narrative against me. when i technically did no crime. i never even Spoke to the person. never interacted with them once. what i did. is vague them. for having the most wretchedly ooc characterizations for the sake of shipping a rare pair. and you see. i didnt have a problem with the ship itself. no! my issue. was that their characterization fucking SUCKED. i dont care if they called it "redemption" or "character development". it. was. out. of. character. straight. up. so i tweeted about this kid. i didnt mention their name. i mentioned the ship. and how i was sick of seeing it on twitter. i also i looked at their carrd and saw that this (this is a screencap of a screencap sooooo its old)

and i was you know what. im gonna do that. and that was the end of that

(i also was like was the hell does a kid have like 2000 followers that gives me fucking hives. bc lets be real. having a large social presence on the internet at that age when your a developing person is like. not ideal. im essentially antisocial and the idea of having that many ppl follow me for my stupid thoughts is fucking TERRIBLE. ive softblocked followers before to drive the number down. anyways i was thinking about it from that perspective. being conscious of numbers is Bad.)

flashforward a few hours and i noticed it wasnt the end of that. somehow the kid found my tweet and then supremely misinterpreted it and then sicced their followers/their friends onto my account. that tweet had a Large amount of pqrts (the stupid twitter culture thing where you essentially put on masks and stone the apparent criminal. and i was like. well this sure is a thing thats happening. and they def were twisting my words bc they screencapped my tweet and was bashing me about it. with absolutely 0 reading comprehension. well my course of action was to just go on private to cut off the engagement. what am i going to do? acknowledge what was happening with a tweet for them to twist and play the victim again? im not fucking stupid.

its really funny that after i privated i got 5 follow requests. THE STUPIDEST FUCKING IDIOTS I EVER SEEN. blocked immediately. it was really funny.

thats not the funniest thing that happened tho. you might think that *i* might be playing the victim and that what happened wasnt that big of a deal. it wasnt. but also it sucked still. anxiety causing. but anyways it wasnt just a the qrts. after i privated, one of them reported my account for suicide

this was the funniest fucking thing that happened to me. i was livid during this whole incident but this was the funniest fucking part of this ordeal. it was HYSTERICAL. for the record there was none of that kind of content on my account! this is the most mentally healthy ive been bc i wasnt in my old uni anymore. not that i ever even posted about the kind of stuff ever.

this is clearly a petty attempt at harassment right? because they couldnt stand having someone think they are annoying and that their ship sucks (i didnt before but i do think it does now bc this incident made me hate the ship actually. because im petty too! but at least im self aware about it.)

someone also sent a bad faith ask to my fucking art blog because they haaaaaad to chase me down to a different fucking platform to harass me more

and like. what happened to me only proved my point. that teens shouldnt have a large following. this teen definitely abused their power didnt they.

who do you think had the worse experience. me or them? whose the real victim here.

if you think im problematic for fucking saying i dont like a person in public without once mentioning a name? get fucked.

also this happened again. it happened a second time. bc i found out there was a l/m/k zine going on and i said im not joining it bc they were a part of it. once again unnamed. LIKE OBVIOUSLY? IM NOT GONNA JOIN? it wasnt like i was going to fucking make it explode. but people toooooooook issue. i dont get how they find the tweet so fast im convinced one or more of them or their lackeys is stalking me. i could be paranoid tho.

anyways bc this is a friend group, the kid is a friend of a certain somebody. a very well known somebody. and bc they fed all their biased retelling of the incident to this somebody. im blocked by a very funny account.

super inconvenient really

you see theres more to it than this incident tho. i have an issue with how these people engage with their follower base. but honestly its a product of the kind of social media platform that twitter is. they clearly value the number of followers they have and to say it doesnt go to their head would be a lie. theres other specifics tho thats old news. that im not willing to divulge to an anon. who are you and why are you asking about a tweet from 3 days ago anon. you have me fucking paranoid. im gonna trust the fact you used rot13. out of courtesy. but im wary.

you might be able to deduce who the pricks are from the things ive mentioned here. but im not gonna say who they are to an anon. i dont trust like that.

[streetkid-named-desire]

A loud-mouth broad's guide to being fearless in the face/wake of social ostracization

Or; how I learned to stop worrying and love filtering people out of my life based on if we truly share values or not

Or; the last thing I'm going to say about this whole mess, for real

I am not here to rehash anything or to tell my side.

Unless you are directly involved or have been spoken to about it (and really, you should probably still do this), it will serve you best to make your own judgments based on what you know of an individual's character, what they are saying about the situation, and/or your own experiences with that individual.

Assume everyone involved is lying. Because unless you are directly involved, you truly have no way to garner the actual objective truth, not that there is any objective truth in interpersonal conflicts. You will only ever get multiple interpretations.

I can tell you my own story, I can lay out screenshots and "proof" of why I believe the things I do, why I say the things I do. But that's just one manipulation of the facts. There is no true objectivity in life. Not even in math and science. Life is never black and white, always grey. Only ever grey.

I would recommend against giving into cancel culture. If you care about someone, you would go to them directly and ask what the fuck is their problem with your other friend and why they're being [insert negative adjective describing behavior here].

However, as I am just as flawed as any other human being, I very much usually give more weight to how close I am with someone. Obviously, I am brand new to the fandom, having only joined in November (and what a ruckus I have caused in such a short time!). Why even try to compete?

No, I have moved on. I dealt with my feelings by making a digital collage and moving on with my life.

The question I want to actually answer is:

Under the cut. Because really, who actually gives a shit about lil ol' me beyond the people I already know care? Well, besides the people in whose minds I apparently live rent-free.

How do you deal with it all?

Friday was quite the day, wasn't it? I had my day job to do, which distracted me. It was odd, though, I still had the physiological anxiety reaction. Likely more the fault of mixing Concerta with caffeine. But I was asked how I was doing, had people check up on me, say they hoped I was dealing well. Meanwhile, I saw maybe three posts generically complaining about drama on my own dash. I was clearly having a totally different experience of my own drama than everyone else. Which is very funny.

I think if this had happened 5 years ago, I'd be in a much different place. But, I had just turned 34 the week before.

Obligatory answer: I have been treating my mental health in some way since I was 7 years old.

The interesting answer:

How I deal with all of life's bullshit

Step 1: Mother's wisdom

I was not diagnosed autistic until I was 28. When I was in middle school, people were awful to me. I don't actually really remember it as bullying, though. I do, however, remember some of the things my mom said to comfort me.

"Well, they're not your friend, then."

I would come home crying, telling my mother about my day and the awful thing "my friend" said or did to me. That was how she would reply. She taught me that the people who actually matter will treat you well. And, if they don't treat you well, you will either talk it through or they're just not meant to be your friend.

So, that's how I treated the immediate social ostracization on Friday. My following count fell from like 170-something to 148. I've also been blocked by a bunch of people (good on you for curating your feed! I do the same thing!)

And, how I dealt with the pain of someone I genuinely liked, cared about, and considered a close friend in fandom replying to a vague post about me to agree and share their true thoughts about me. If they were truly meant to be my friend, they would have spoken with me directly. Instead, I messaged them directly. I did that because I thought we were friends and wanted to continue being friends.

But alas, it was not meant to be. I wish them well.

"It's just a blip on the radar."

Whatever bad shit you're currently feeling or going through or experiencing is just a small blip on the grand radar of life. 99% of the time it's fair winds and following seas.

So, all of this shit? No big deal. Seriously. What's a little fandom drama to the rest of my life? The rest of my fucking day, even? Nothing. It's nothing!

Step 2: Self-confidence (exaggerated and normal)

Yes, I believe I am better than multiple people in fandom. Yes, I'm sure they believe they're better than me. But also, I'm not actually better than them because I'm not better than anybody. We're all human beings, just living and making our choices and trying to survive.

So, when you've lived almost your entire life with little to no self-esteem, a little exaggerated belief that you're hot shit is healthy. Because after a while, you'll start to believe you genuinely matter and genuinely have value simply because you exist. It's just balancing the scales.

What I have normal self-confidence in is who I am as an individual, my values and motives in life. I have confidence in how I deal with the mistakes I make, the conflict that crops up, all the little things that make life "interesting". I have confidence in my friends, I have confidence in my beliefs about people, I have confidence in life.

I don't believe the worst about people. I give people chances. I believe they will do the same for me. And if they don't, that's just unfortunate. Because believing this will lead to a happier life, and I hope that they are happy.

I have confidence in the fact that I have and will survive.

And, after all is said and done, I simply move on with my life.

I have spent too much of my life depressed, in a cloud of negativity, believing the worst in me and others. And I have had a taste of stability and happiness, and I am never, ever letting that go.

And the key to that? Not giving a shit about fandom drama. Life doesn't end if a bunch of people unfollow me. Life doesn't end if some big name modder spreads lies about me. Life doesn't end if people don't like me!

Because the world is huge and there are billions upon billions of human beings in the world, and we all just keep chugging along. I will make new friends, meet new people, make new "enemies". All of them, all of those people, and all of these experience color and enrich the tapestry of my life.

Final thoughts

Why does it matter? Who cares? It's a video game. It's a hobby. I only know you (royal you, by the way) and you only know me through this hobby. It doesn't need to be more than sharing a hobby. We can maintain a relationship solely in that context. We don't need to be friends. You don't need to like me as an individual. We can be friends. I would love to be friends, actually! But, we don't have to or need to be to simply exist cordially in fandom.

Compartmentalize your life. It's healthy. It's how you stay sane with a job. It's how you stay sane navigating complicated relationships.

Just stop giving such a shit about people that don't actually, truly matter to you.

Your time is better spent on the people that do actually, truly matter to you.

You make that choice. You choose where to spend your energy. You choose how to react. You choose how big of a deal to make something.

I've made my choices, and I am very happy with my choices.

Make choices that only make you happier.

[faustocosgrove]

i’m gonna be honest with y’all. the original intention i had of banking the reviews i made all year was to be all grinch like and declare how much i hate christmas each day. but since the occupation decided to bomb fucking bethlehem on the first day of christmas that feels too poor of taste a thing to do. but i’m not waiting for next year to do this because i don’t want the obligation to be on tumblr for a whole ‘nother year hanging over my head. so y’all will have to make do with my dumb reviews without me bitching and moaning throughout the 12 days of christmas about how much i hate christmas and consumerism and christianity in general and christmas music and christmas cookies and that one gif that always goes around tumblr of a kitten whose tail has been turned into a christmas tree. and on that note:

and on the fourth day of reviewmas I, Fausto, give to thee:

4 scantily clad teenaged girls (fbi open up! meme)

the 3rd time i read the same book about lawns maybe?

2 high school animes

and a ninja book

…from a guy who still thinks about the naruto series in the year 2023

Today’s feature is none other than 1993’s Dragon Half, a two episode OVA that is as skanky as it is hilarious. It’s sad that it’s only 2 episodes long since it’s funny as hell but it makes up for it by being so jammed packed full of jokes that you have to pause it to laugh so you don’t miss the next gag. It’s also so jammed packed with jokes that’s it’s honestly exhausting, so it still feels like binging a 26 episode series by the end of it.

The main conflict in the show is that main character Mink, the half dragon half human for whom the title refers to, is obsessed with Dick Saucer, a teenaged heartthrob/singer/celebrity/dragon slayer. Now you’d think that she could have reasonably picked any other teenaged celebrity to obsess over, except all her friends are also obsessed with Dick Saucer so clearly he is just that cool and her dad (the human parent) is a retired dragon slayer, so the whole dragon slayer wanting to kill dragons thing isn’t that much of an issue. For her anyway.

The first episode is mainly exposition for who all the characters are and how they relate to each other, but it also kind feels like watching a forbidden episode of the Kirby anime where Kirby, the King’s assistant snail thing, and metaknight have all been transformed into teenagers with metaknight being the only boy. it’s a bunch of wacky characters doing wacky things in a dungeons and dragons medieval fantasy backdrop.

the second episode is like the dark tournament arc from yu yu hakusho but jokes.

mink shows an impressive amount of skin, as does her best friend (can’t remember her name. the blonde one.) (and the villain teen girl) (and the villain teen girl’s dead mom in a flashback) but the younger girl character does not! it’s honestly sad that this is so noteworthy but the loli character is covered head to toe and the one instance of another character being a bit of a skeeze toward her is met with an angry bear. the series even draws attention to it during the swimming scene. the little girl does not wear a swim suit. so mink might have madonna style boob cones that bounce all over the place but the elementary school girl is a line too far for the creators of this show and i respect that. that’s a line that anime crosses way too often i mean even fucking naruto cannonically shows sakura thinking about sasuke’s penis when the two of them are 12. plus konohamaru doing the sexy no jutsu when he’s like 8. naruto sexualizes pre teen children more than the skanky OVA one where three teenaged girls run around in their 1980s jazzercise leotards that let the whole leg hang out in a way that it might as well be panties. like holy hell japan. anyway. mink does flash the audience in the finale so do yourself a favor and just don’t watch the last few minutes.

also the ending song is fun.

also! even thought there’s a lot of scantily clad teenaged girls i didn’t get the feeling that the writers wanted the audience to be fapping to them. maybe it’s just a sign of the times thing and it was sexy back then, but the show changes art style from sexy teenaged girl to SD rolling on the ground so much that if the characters were supposed to be fap material then the delivery was a complete bust.

[namuneulbo]

week sixty

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

lets have a better 2023, yeah?

this past week was,,, really good?

i hung out w l on wednesday and we went to a couple of thrift stores. i was originally looking for a desk chair but i gave up. l found quite a lot though. before we went we exchanged christmas gifts. i gave them a boob vase, some chocolate, rainbow lollipops, some hama beads in the colors of the lesbian flag, an orange short-sleeved button up i thrifted (i was so nervous they wouldnt like it but they did and im so happy abt it !!!) and also some gum. i got a tiny nutella, a hello kitty chocolate (meant for m but theyve,,, um.....), a howls moving castle print (probably my fav thing out of everything its so fucking cute and im saving it for when i move out so i can put it up somewhere cute), kinder bueno, a cute pride pin and some socks w naked ppl on them that im so excited to wear (the socks, not the naked ppl).

in the evening my direct family had a lil meetup. everyone, that would be, me, my sister, her boyf, my brother, his girlf, my mom, her boyf, my dad and his girlf, was there! we had coffee and my mom made our fav orange rice thingy !! its like cold rice porridge (sweetened though) with bits of orange. its so good and its a thing we have every christmas. after the meetup my sister and i went to the bar for music quiz. it was my second one ever and it was quite fun. i like hanging out w her but i wish i was able to talk w her more. i wanna seem cool yk but i struggle coming up w things to say. her friends l and l joined (they both have the same name but spelled differently lol). it was just supposed to be us four at first but a bunch more of her friends joined. so now we moved to a bigger table and we were so many ppl and by the end of the night it was, apart from us, e, i, m, m and two ppl who were friends w i whose names i dont know. i was so quiet the entire time so i felt so not cool and swag w them like i wish i did but ya.

e, h and l left on thursday afternoon. i miss them already TT

i was so productive on friday and saturday so im super happy abt having cleared my schedule a bit for now!!! i watched gayo daejejeon and it was lots of fun, even more fun when n was watching at the same time. monsta x slayed so hard i love them so much and i really liked nct 127 and nmixxs stages too! i managed to fit a short walk w doggito during the break.

i got invited to hang out at cs place for a little dinner thingy w her, e, e, i and l in the evening from 20-00. it was lots of fun. i ended up hanging out w i the most and it made me kind of realize i think were,,, friends? (I DONT MEAN THIS IN A LIKE OMG I THINK WERE MORE THAN FRIENDS WAY I MEAN IT IN A IVE ENJOYED HER COMPANY BUT I THINK WERE ACTUALLY LIKE FRIENDS FRIENDS NOW). we sat next to each other at the dining table and when the others were dancing we were in the kitchen and i kept her company while she was cooking. a new inside joke was born between us abt me and our bass teacher joining dancing with the stars and dancing a salsa to you spin me round. i think it started bc i was talking abt how i wanna start learning lets dance by bowie on bass and she thought i was talking abt the show dancing with the stars (which swedish name is lets dance which is kind of weird now that i think abt it). she made this whole plan of how id propose this idea to him and all and we were laughing to the point of crying, it was so funny to us.

c, e and i cooked all three meals, the first one being an agaricus soup and it was so good omg???? i thought i didnt like mushrooms but ig i was wrong oml?? the main course was fries w beetroot and goat cheese and it was so embarrassing to drop the bomb to them that i dont like beetroot nor goat cheese (ive actually never had goat cheese but it scares me and im picky w cheese). the sallad was good though and the fries w the garlic mayo were really good!!

the dessert was waffles. they turned out much better than i expected bc the batter was um,,,,, thick and chunky to say the least. they were also glutenfree so c would be able to eat them. they ended up actually being really delicious. we left quite soon after having the waffles. i (the friend, not me) got picked up, e and l went to ls place and i walked home w c and e who were going to see the firework show that happened to be near my house.

ive been quite,,, unproductive since i got home. im planning to get some stuff done before i go to sleep so i have less to do during the day and get more time to do fun stuff. im currently listening through my 2022 playlist. its the first year im making like a pl of songs ive been obsessed w or songs that i now just associate w certain things (for example i now associate greek god by conan gray w producing bc i made a cover of it for a school project this year). i actually felt like crying when i reached the vkei part of the playlist, i miss the peak of my vkei phase sm.

anyways, good night! happy new year! im hoping to have many more good memories this year and spend it w ppl who i care abt and who do the same for me. im hoping to get into uni and begin my studies in korean language that ive wanted to do for years. im hoping to move out and start a life on my own and find more purposes for staying happy and greatful for everything i have and get to experience. i want to grow as a person and continue learning abt the world. i hope to achieve the things i dream of as of now.

sotw: wjsn - as you wish

[catcrumb]

How do you stay motivated to do dailies? I really admire your dedication to these funky fresh cats. I've tried doing my own dailies (drawing, writing etc), but always lose steam about a week in. Was there a point when it became second nature, and just fit really easily into your routine? Or is it always going to be a bit of an uphill battle?

my big rule is that it doesn't have to be "good." that was the first and still the most important rule. some days i have the willpower to get out my tablet! some days i have my mouse! and some days i just wiggle my finger in the shape of a cat on my laptop's trackpad, slap some random thought i had onto it, and hit that post button. doesn't have to be perfect. doesn't have to be a work of art. could look like complete shit. just has to be a cat.

like this guy? very low effort! i had a headache that evening after doing a bunch of things i needed to do, and was like "ah fuck i still gotta do today's catcrumb". this took me thirty seconds. but that was that day.

something that has also helped me a lot is making my rule "one per day", not "once per day". after drawing the one i posted tonight, i drew two more doodles that are gonna be tomorrow's and the day after that's catcrumbs. so i don't have to draw for the next day and a half! the queue function is one of the big reasons i really enjoy tumblr as a platform. (the queue, tags as undervoice, tags for archival purposes, easy chronological and sortable archive/portfolio, and the anonymity. not to mention the vibes. also ive been here for over a decade and can't leave)

also, i use mspaint because it has a limited toolset, so it's just less overwhelming and not as daunting as the beefier art program i have for other art. if i had to open up clip studio paint every day....... i would not have lasted two years lmao.

and tbh the limited toolset has made me feel freer to try new things! like with color! when i was drawing mostly in Digital Art Programs and the edges of school papers i rarely ever got to coloring because i would spend so long on the lines. but with mspaint i draw with the pixel-pencil so it's easier to use the fill tool. this is one of my first little "landscapes" :) i drew it in february 2020. i still think about it a lot!

(also, i've found that the landscapes, which i spend more time and effort on, get less of a response than the scribbly ones. which i'm not bothered by, because 1. it makes me feel less pressured to do the big labors of love 2. it makes me feel unashamed when i only have energy for a quick scribble 3. my loved ones adore my little landscapes, and that's more important to me than Number Goes Up. but also it's fun to see the number go up in response to my scribble. it's a win/win.)

and finally there's accountability. i have a very firm rule with myself that i draw for ME, and my followers are a side effect/bonus of me posting it publicly. i do not create for an audience. to quote:

The difference between an inner-directed process of discovery and a kind of outer-directed pseudo-creativity that in its pursuit of attention gets overwhelmed by desperation.

but that doesn't mean that attention doesn't matter to me. i would not have gotten as far as i did if i hadn't shown my art to my friends/mutuals and gotten very sweet responses from them. that was what made catcrumb happen: the people who i know, am close to, and whose kindness is personal to me. i adore and appreciate the kindness of strangers! but it has to come in second to the kindness of friends, because otherwise you will go crazy. i'm pretty lucky that i have the sort of homebody personality that has little interest in strangers, which helps my brain not get rotted by clout.

so i showed my art to my friends, i got encouragement, they thought i was funny, i kept going, because i liked amusing myself and my friends with my little drawings. and then the snowball went further down the hill, etc etc. nowadays my main motivator is that i told my mom about catcrumb and she would definitely say something if i didn't post. sometimes just knowing that someone would notice is enough.

i hope this is useful. i am a person with a couple of brain problems that have made me debilitatingly incapable of forming and maintaining habits my entire life, so i'm honestly shocked that ive managed to keep a daily habit going for two years! ive never managed anything like that before! maybe because it doesn't Matter. i don't do catcrumb for money - ive thought about a patreon, but i couldn't do it. my executive dysfunction is too powerful, and catcrumb has always been about being the teeniest task to execute.

and it makes me smile. i like drawing little cats sitting around smiling or yelling or holding an object. :~)

tl;dr keep the bar as close to the ground as you possibly can