#and I think she’d worry a lot about misusing the term

[blaithnne]

I think post season 3 Johanna has a major existential crisis trying to figure out if she’s autistic or if it’s just side effects of being half fairy. Does she feel like an outsider and struggle with social norms because she’s autistic or because she’s just straight up not a human, etc. Can the two overlap? Can fairies have human conditions? Is she half autistic because she’s half human? Does she feel out of place because of neurodivergency or because she’s literally physically not supposed to be in this plane of existence. But she’s not supposed to be in the fairy realm either, she’s just as out of place there too. There’s no where she really belongs, she’s an outsider wherever she goes. Is there anything more neurodivergent than that?

[hymn2000]

Where The Darkness Ends - MCU AU fanfic - C8

Story summary: The concept of having a baby has been more of an idea for a long time now. Ideal candidates for a three-person baby, Loki and Tony have finally, after many Peter-based setbacks and challenges, got to the point of being tested. Now, they just have to wait for the results before they can move on to the next stage.

Previous Chapter(s): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 

Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: family stuff, mental health stuff, hurt/comfort, hospital/medical stuff, fertility stuff, IVF, potentially some medical inaccuracies, alcohol misuse

You can also find me on AO3

Chapter 8 - It's Hard To Feel What's In Your Head

-

Pepper forced more coffee into Loki and Tony, and a starchy meal, and then sent them to one of the spare rooms to ‘sleep it off’.

“Go! I’m sick of both of you” she said, only half joking. “Go to sleep”

Wisely, they did as they were told. Pepper waited until she heard a door close and then looked at the kitchen properly. It had been a challenge cooking in such a mess, and she hadn’t really found any proper food aside from the pasta she’d served. She looked at the empty bottles and cans littered about the place. It was a bit ridiculous, really - and scary. She really wished now that she’d been more insistent and come round to help them out earlier, even though they’d told her not to. She couldn’t help feeling just a tiny bit responsible for what had happened here.

Still, she shook her head and got to work. Just clearing the huge amount of alcohol containers (which took a good three bin bags) made the kitchen look a whole lot better. Well, the rubbish had to take priority, and Pepper had a feeling there would be more bottles and cans for her to discover.

-

As was usually the case, she was right: there were bottles and cans all over the place. Loki was usually so houseproud, keeping a good, tidy home, and this was so out of control, so absolutely opposite to the usual, that it made the desperation of the Stark’s mental state so much clearer - more so even than Loki’s cry for help.

-

It took a long time just to get rid of all of the rubbish and open the windows. It was clear very early on that this was not a one man job. Well, those two had to channel themselves into something. She knew what they were going through - heck, it had hurt her too. But Loki and Tony needed to step up. They weren’t going to get over the blow overnight, but they needed to pick themselves up, look after themselves, look after each other, and seek help. Proper help. Calling Pepper had been the first step - a big step, she knew that. Now they needed to sort their house out. And then they needed to talk. Properly. It was the only way they were going to come to terms with any of this.

-

Loki and Tony didn’t sleep for too long, and Pepper somehow managed to walk in just as they were waking up.

“How do you feel?” she asked.

“Slightly sober” Tony said, wrinkling his nose.

“Mm. And my head hurts” Loki said.

“I’m not surprised” Pepper said, opening the window as wide as it would go. “Right, we need to do something about this house. Get up”

“I said slightly sober” Tony scowled.

“That’s good enough. Nothing like a bit of hard labour to sort your heads out. Come on; there’s loads of work to do. This place is a mess. Now get up”

Loki sighed and hauled himself out of bed. Tony did too, but he didn’t look happy.

“Ok. I’ll do the kitchen and bedrooms” Pepper said. “I definitely don’t trust you anywhere near knives and glasses right now. Tony, start with your study and work your way round from there. Loki, start on the landing and work your way from there. We’ll meet in the middle some time and then tackle the downstairs together”

Tony stared at her. She smiled slightly, twirled the cleaning keys on her finger, and then threw them to Loki, who caught them easily enough.

“It’s open, but you should keep hold of those. So” she stood to the side of the doorway, nodding out to the landing. “Get busy”

-

Pepper set FRIDAY back up, and put the stereos and radios on, bringing a bit of life to the dirty depressing house. That, and the open windows blowing in cold air, certainly helped. Tony grumbled like anything at first - Pepper could hear him from down the hall - but after a while he went quiet, focusing on his work. Loki was quiet all the while, but he worked diligently, and Pepper fancied she could see a change in him after the first hour. It looked as though keeping busy was helping.

-

Pepper had given herself a tough job, as the kitchen was in a dreadful state state. That took the longest, a good 90 minutes from washing up at the start to sweeping and mopping the floor at the end. From there she had the bedrooms. Loki’s room was in a much better state than Pepper had expected, which was a relief. It was just a shame she couldn’t say the same for Tony’s room. She dreaded to think what his study and the lab were going to be like. She did their rooms, and then checked all the spare rooms, straightening out the room Loki and Tony had slept in. She went and checked Peter’s room. Aside from the spare rooms, it was definitely the cleanest place in the whole house as far as she’d seen. It just looked the same as it usually did, only a bit dusty and with some things out of place. She gave it a quick going over anyway, and then went and took the mountain of dirty washing down to the laundry room.

The laundry room certainly hadn’t been used any time in the past month. Well, thank god for the two washers and dryers, she thought, putting a couple of loads in. This was going to take a hell of a long time.

-

Eventually it did start to look like they’d made some sort of progress. Once the upstairs was finally done, right down to the windows being cleaned and the skirting boards being wiped clean, they went downstairs. The lab hadn’t been used, which was a huge worry considering how Tony usually reacted in times of crisis, but at least it meant giving it a clean wasn’t too much of a struggle. The swimming pool was maintained by an outside source, so they didn’t need to worry about that. Pepper set the two of them to work on the little side stores and the main lobby and stairs while she sat and sifted through the post, separating the junk mail from the actual mail, sorting it into recipient piles and sub-piles, from important to less important to not important. She set it all carefully on the little round table in the entrance, deciding there was nothing that couldn’t wait until tomorrow. After all, some of those letters had waited a month already.

-

It was dark by the time they’d finished. Pepper told them to go and shower and get changed, and once they had done so, they all three flopped on the sofa in the living room. It felt a little strange seeing everything so clean and orderly again after so long.

“How do you feel now?” Pepper asked after a few minutes.

“Sober” Tony said, and Loki nodded in agreement.

“You nearly look it. I know you’ve been drunk for a while now. We need to be a bit carefully, especially with you, Tony. I’m going to stay for a while” she said. “I’ll help you, both of you. We’ll get you better”

“What’s the point?”

“You’ve got a life to be getting on with. And you’ve got a son, who I daresay is going to really be missing you. We’ll get you well enough to go and see him. We’ll work on the rest as best we can”

“How have you done it?” Tony almost snapped. “You were cut up about it when you found out too”

“Yes, I was. I still am” Pepper said. “It’s a bit different for me though... I was just a bit more proactive, seeing that therapist, talking to people, friends, family. Keeping myself busy. I knew I should have seen you earlier. I didn’t realise how bad things were when you stopped replying to my messages and ignoring my calls”

“I don’t think he realised either” Loki said. “I think... When I went the same way, I knew how dire things were, but it didn’t hurt so much when I was drunk. So I just ignored it”

Pepper sighed sadly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you earlier. We need to sort you out. I’m going to cook, and tomorrow we’re all going to see a therapist”

“I don’t want to see a therapist!” Tony snapped.

“You need to!” Pepper snapped. “Look at the state you got yourselves into! Thank god you had to sense to send Peter to his uncle’s”

“I sent him to get him away from Loki”

Loki and Pepper stared at him.

“...What?”

“You heard me” Tony scowled at her. “I thought Loki was gonna hurt him, like in all those case studies online where people have lost kids and taken it out on their other ones”

“What?! Tony, how could you think so lowly of me?” Loki stared at him, tears filling his eyes. “How could you think-”

“I didn’t want to think it!” Tony interrupted. “I just did, and I tried to shake the thoughts, and then you shoved him, and even though you hugged him straight away afterwards, you still hurt him! You made him squeak! And I was scared, Loki. I was really scared. I knew I wouldn’t be able to look after both of you, and if you started hurting him, I just- I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t take that risk!”

“It’s just as well” Pepper said. “He needs to be out of the way while you two are as low as this. Loki, don’t look so defensive. Tony, it’s ok. You just did what you thought was best”

Loki went quiet. He didn’t know what to say. He turned away from Tony.

“...I let him down. I was gonna take him out. I slept through it, and then I kept meaning to go, but every night I just couldn’t” Tony said thickly. “And then I stopped thinking about it. Even though he keeps calling and texting”

“That’s something you need to make amends for at a later date. We need to sort out the here and now first” Pepper said.

“My retest came back the same” Loki said. “I’ve got another one in a couple of weeks. It’ll be the same though, I know that already”

“Loki, darling” Pepper sighed. “I can only imagine how this feels for you, if it feels like this for me, and if it’s done this to you two. But you can get help. There’s options”

“It was always going to be the three person way” Tony said. “That way it would’ve been both of ours”

“...We’re not having a baby” Loki closed his eyes and rested his forehead in his hand. “I can’t have children”

“No, you can’t. Not like that” Pepper said. “And it’s horrible, but you can’t change that. But you’ll come to terms with it”

“There’s no help for people like me” Loki said. “Even people at work know that. There’s no infertility support for men, not really. They just shove adoption and sperm donation suggestions at you”

“You’ve already done one of those things” Pepper pointed out.

“It’s not the same”

“No, it’s not” she said. “But it’s something to consider. You’ve got a kid. You might not have made him, but you’ve got him, and he’s yours. Undeniably yours. Maybe... a baby-”

“No” Loki said. “We were going to make one. I’m not adopting a baby. I want my own baby”

“Loki, that’s impossible now, you know that” Tony said.

“I know” Loki sighed. “But it’s still what I want”

There was a small silence. Pepper checked her watch and sighed.

“I think it’s time we all called it a night. We’ve got to get up in the morning”

“I don’t want to go to that therapist” Tony spat.

“Tough” Pepper said. “You’re going. Now go to bed”

-

Two days later, there was a knock at Thor’s front door. Peter stayed where he was, settled on the sofa in the living room with his book. He heard all the muffled voices, sounding quite heated, and then he heard Thor calling his name. Cautiously, he made his way to the kitchen - and froze.

“Oh...”

He glanced at Pepper, and looked at his parents. He’d spent so long willing them to show up, wishing to see them, but now that they were here, he suddenly wished they were anywhere else. Suddenly he didn’t want to see them, or be near them. He felt weird - nervous, almost scared. His heart was thudding in his chest, and he suddenly felt cold.

“Hey sweetheart!” Tony said, smiling at him. “How are you doing? Thor looking after you ok? It’s so good to see you! I’ve missed you, kiddo”

Peter didn’t say anything. He felt sick. He hurried over to Thor’s side, keeping a good distance between him and his parents, trying not to look at them.

“Do you want a drink?” Thor said gently, stroking the boys hair gently.

He went over to the fridge and got out a bottle of pop, which he handed to Peter. Peter took it, holding it in both hands. He felt sick, and his eyes had started to fill with tears.

“What’s up, kiddo?” Tony said, concerned. “You feeling poorly? Hey, come and give me a hug. A little cuddle will help you feel better. Come on, chick, come here”

Peter didn’t. He looked at Thor for help. Thor squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“Why don’t you go back to your room for a bit?” he said.

Peter nodded, grateful for this excuse to leave, and made for the door.

“Hey!” Tony made a grab for him.

Peter dodged, and Thor caught hold of Tony to stop a second attempt, letting Peter escape.

“Leave him alone”

“He’s my son! I just wanna give him a cuddle”

“Well, he doesn’t want you! You’ve had every opportunity to see him, but instead you cut him off for no reason. You’ve got no right to barge in here after not seeing or contacting us for weeks”

“That doesn’t mean he’s not my son! You can’t just stop me from seeing him”

“I’m not: he is. He doesn’t want to be near you, that much is clear. And I can’t blame him. You broke his little heart, abandoning him like that”

Tony pulled free from Thor, and sat back down heavily. Thor looked at him. He looked at Loki, and then at Pepper.

“I take it you’re the reason they’re here now?”

“Well, essentially, yes” Pepper said awkwardly.

“Well done” Thor said. He looked between Loki and Tony. “What was it? Was it alcohol?”

They paused, looking uncomfortable, and then Loki nodded.

“A part of it...” he said.

“A large part?” Thor pressed.

Loki looked at Tony, and had to nod.

“You don’t get to judge” Tony said crossly. “You don’t know what this is like for us”

“No, I don’t” Thor said. “But while you’ve been drowning your sorrows and wallowing in self pity, I’ve been looking after your little boy. Single-handedly, might I add, and in difficult circumstances where I couldn’t even get in touch with his parents when I needed help, and sorting some of these problems hasn’t been an easy feat. I know what happened was awful, but you should’ve done better by him. He needed you, and you weren’t there”

For a while no one knew what to say.

“I tried at first” Loki said eventually, keeping his eyes cast down. “But the way Tony was got to me. And then it just felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere the way I was doing things. So it was easier just to join in...”

“You should have called me, called someone. You should have reached out!”

“I did...”

“No you didn’t, otherwise we wouldn’t be in this mess”

“He rang me” Pepper said. “A few days ago. He knew he needed help; he admitted it”

Thor sighed, covering his eyes for a moment. “Well, they’re here now, and I suppose that’s progress”

“It is. You didn’t see the state of them and the house when I turned up. This is a huge turn around”

There was another short silence.

“...I can appreciate that, and everything you’ve done” Thor said. “And I’m proud. But there’s still a lot of work to do”

Everyone else nodded. They all knew Thor was right.

“You’ll get there, with the right support” Pepper said. “You need to let us help you”

Tony and Loki nodded slightly. Tony sighed and stood up.

“I want to see my son”

“No” Thor said firmly. “Leave him alone. He’s got enough to contend with without you going in and upsetting him. You can see him when he decides he’s ready”

Well, Tony didn’t like that. He exploded, and Thor shouted back. Loki tried to calm them at first, but then the tension turned onto him, and it wasn’t long before all three men were shouting back and forth between themselves. Pepper watched them for a while. She knew there was no point interrupting or trying to get them to stop, so she slipped out of the kitchen.

-

Peter pushed his headphones back off his ears so they were round his neck. He looked up at Pepper.

“Hi, kid” she said gently. “Mind if I join you?”

Peter nodded, turning his music player off. Pepper closed the door and went and sat down beside him on the bed.

“You’re not here to try to get me to go and talk to my dads, are you?”

“No” Pepper said. “I’m not surprised that you don’t want to see them”

Peter nodded. “Why didn’t dad come to see me? He promised he would. And then he blanked all my calls and texts and stuff”

“They both spiralled and went to a pretty dark place. You don’t need to know the details. But they’re getting better. They’ve made the first few steps anyway, and they’re working on it. They’ll visit now. You won’t have to see them if you don’t want to, but they’ll still visit”

“Mm...” Peter went quiet, listening to the sounds of the men shouting in the other room. “It’s weird hearing uncle Thor so angry and shouty and stuff. He’s not really that kind of person. Not with me, anyway”

“Has he been looking after you well? I’ve been a bit worried about you, especially since I found out how bad things were with your dads”

“Yeah, he’s been really good. He’s always so kind and understanding and stuff, even when I’m being kinda difficult. He doesn’t really get cross and he never shouts or smacks me, so that’s good, I guess... He’s been trying to help me with my school work too, even though he doesn’t really understand a bunch of it. He’s really bad at geography, but at least there’s google and textbooks and stuff to help”

“Tony said you’re off school at the moment”

Peter nodded. “I still get all the work sent to me, and then I do it and send it back, and then they send it back to me when it’s been marked. And I can email some of my teachers if I need help”

“How are you finding that?”

Peter shrugged. “Ok, I guess. I mean, it’s a little hard to concentrate sometimes, and they don’t really send enough to occupy me for like, a full week, so it’s easy to get bored too. I’m still getting decent grades but... Well, you know. I’m still sad and stuff”

“I know” Pepper looked at him. “Have you been getting out much?”

Peter nodded. “We at least go on a walk every day, even when I have a tantrum about it. Uncle Thor keeps taking me to museums and out to the cinema and on like, bus rides and train journeys and stuff. Or just like, takes me to the shops or out for lunch and stuff. He said daddy was really bad when he lived here ‘cos he didn’t get to go out much and he got bored and frustrated, and I guess he wants to stop me from kicking off and stuff”

“Well, that’s good, and that makes sense. Is it working?”

“Kinda. I still kick off sometimes. I’ve got a lot of stuff to deal with”

“I know” Pepper put an arm round Peter. “You’re a good kid. I’m glad you’re being looked after properly and you’re keeping up with your school work. I’ll come and see you too, if you like”

Peter nodded. “That’d be nice”

“Have you been seeing your friends at all?”

Peter shook his head. “It’s a bit awkward right now, y’know. They’re all at school and it’s all ok for them, and I’m here just... It’s still weird to think about it. Don’t you think? I mean, well, you’d be pregnant by now if things had gone the way they should’ve done”

“Yes, I know. It is strange to think about it. I’d been preparing for it too. I had so much in place. It’s a horrible situation, poor Loki’s condition, but I’m starting to come to terms with it, and your parents will come to terms with it too. They’ve still got you to think about, regardless of the whole IVF situation”

“They haven’t been thinking about me so far” Peter said bitterly. “Daddy hasn’t seen me or spoke to me or anything at all, not since the day dad dropped me off here. And dad buggered off and stopped getting involved soon after that anyway. They haven’t thought about me at all the past however many weeks”

“They still love you, kiddo”

“You don’t know that”

“Yes I do”

Peter didn’t look convinced. He put his headphones back on. Pepper noticed he didn’t turn the music on, but she got the message. She gave him a squeeze and stood up.

“No one is going to force you to do anything. Take care, Peter. I’ll see you again soon. You’ve got my number if you need me”

-

The men had finally stopped shouting when Pepper got back to the kitchen. They were glaring at each other, breathing heavily.

“Finished?” Pepper said, raising an eyebrow pointedly at them.

They nodded, and Thor sighed.

“I stand by what I said” Thor said. “You stay away from him”

“He’s my son!” Tony shouted.

“Will you stop?!” Pepper snapped. “Can’t you at least try to discuss this in a civil manner?”

“What is there to discuss?” Tony scowled. “I can see my son if I want to”

“He doesn’t want to see you. I think you should keep visiting, but don’t force yourself on the poor kid. He’s got every right to be angry with you”

“This is a waste of time” Tony said. “Let’s just go home. I’m gonna go and say goodnight to my son”

Loki grabbed his hand. “Don’t. Leave him alone”

Tony pulled his hand away and stormed out of the room. They all froze, and then heard the front door go. They all breathed out, relieved he hadn’t gone to Peter.

“We should go” Loki said.

Thor nodded and pulled him close. “Stay in touch this time”

Loki nodded slightly and pulled away. He looked at Pepper. Pepper looked at Thor.

“Sorry for springing on you like this”

“No, it’s ok. Thanks for giving these two a kick” Thor said. “Maybe see you again some time”

“Sure” Pepper said. “Goodbye”

-

Thor knocked on Peter’s door and opened it.

“They’re gone”

Peter nodded. “I know”

“Is there anything playing through those headphones?”

Peter shook his head. Thor closed the door and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Are you ok?”

Peter shrugged. “I thought I’d be excited to see them again. Happy”

“But instead?”

“I don’t know. I just felt all weird and scared and angry. I know they’re all kinda upset and hurting and stuff but they still abandoned me”

“What do you want to do now?”

Peter swallowed. “...Can we order a takeaway?”

Thor took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Peter. Peter smiled slightly and leant into Thor as he opened a takeaway app. Thor gently took Peter’s headphones off and moved them aside.

“That’s better” he said softly.

Peter made a vague noise of agreement, scrolling through some menus. Thor rested a hand on Peter’s head.

“It’ll be ok” Thor said. “You don’t have to see them until you’re ready”

Peter nodded slightly. “Thanks... Have you ever thought about having kids?”

Thor paused. “I’ve never really been in the right situation to consider it. Why?”

“You’d make a good dad. You’re good at looking after me”

“Well, thank you” Thor said. “I’m trying to do my best by you. I love you, little nephew Peter”

“I love you too, big uncle Thor”

Thor smiled. “Good. Now, what are we having to eat?”

-

Pepper made Tony help with the tea.

“You two were ridiculous today” Pepper said. “Loki, you barely said a word. And Tony, you said way too much. Actually, you didn’t speak; you shouted. A lot. No wonder the poor kid holed up in his room! You made Thor worse too. As if he wasn’t angry enough already, all that stuff you shouted at him. Listen, you’ve both done really well these last few days, and I’m proud of you, but today you really showcased how much more work you’ve got to do”

Loki stayed quiet, and for a moment, Tony did too.

“It’s only been a few days” he said. “It wasn’t easy for us either, we all know that. You saw the look on Peter’s face. How do you think that made me feel?”

“I know, but-”

“I’ve got enough going on without losing my little boy. Thor might be looking after him, but he’s got no rights here. He can’t keep him forever, and he can’t stop me seeing him”

“He’ll try though” Loki said.

Tony looked at him. “That kid has been my little boy for way too long for me to give him up or go down without a major fight. Thor can’t take him from me. I trusted him to look after him, but he’s still my son. I’m definitely not letting anyone get in the way of that. Even if the IVF fell through, I’m still a dad”

“Well then you need to work on getting better so you can keep being a dad. You’re good dads, both of you” Pepper said. “But you’re not in the right position to do your best by your kid right now”

“More therapy sessions and things like that” Loki said. “And we need to get in touch with Li Allen”

“Do that soon” Pepper said. “She’ll be able to help you better than I can. I love both of you so much, but there’s only so much I can do. I’m not a professional”

“We’ll sort it” Loki said. “I need to get back to work”

“You need to think about yourself first” Pepper said. “You can’t look after anyone else until you look after yourself”

*

[ajokeformur-ray]

Can I get a Friendship and Romance match-up for Death Note, Criminal Minds, and Bleach? I’d really appreciate it!

Name: Corethra Age: 23 Race/Ethnicity: African-American Sexuality: Heterosexual Gender: Female Occupation: Hostess at Applebee’s Appearance: 4’11, Long curly black hair, Brown eyes, I wear glasses, well developed but average figure at best Interests: Anime, video games, politics, writing/reading, movies, tv shows, listening to music Personality: I’m a Pisces, INFJ, and was born in the Year Of The Pig! All of which describe me pretty well. I’m an introvert and most people describe me as quiet, intelligent, creative, dorky, and really sweet. While I am those things, I also have a very smart, sarcastic, foul mouth that knows no bounds, I’m an escapist, I’m very imaginative and can be a bit scatterbrained at times, and I’m methodical and detailed almost to the point of perfectionism. I’m usually a walking contradiction in terms of personality in so many ways to the point where the real me is almost impossible to decipher. When I get pissed at someone, I will either clam up and pretend they don’t exist to me, let them know how they wronged me and curse them out like no other, or just outright make their lives a living hell anyway I can. I can be rather passive-aggressive and having me as an enemy is NOT a good time. I suffer from iron deficiency anemia and depression so the symptoms of those things definitely are a part of how I present myself to others. I can usually be seen eating ice and have had suicidal thoughts many times. I’m often considered a rarity and have a history of being a bullied outcast. Because of this, I don’t share my thoughts, feelings, or beliefs with others very often but once I do, the gates of passion will open up and never close. Once someone gets close enough to where I consider them a friend, I shower them with love, care, and affection but quickly adapt to their needs. I’m rebellious and highly value power over myself. I’m still a virgin and have no relationship experience. I’m open-minded and like to look at things from all perspectives as well as do research before coming to a conclusion as to how I feel about something. Especially when it comes to politics. I love a good laugh and have an open sense of humor. Overall I’m a hot mess and don’t think very highly of myself although my friends and family definitely do.

Sorry if this is too much to take in! D:

@sacredwarrior88

Death Note - romance: Yagami Light: I thought long and hard about this for about five minutes. This was a toss up between Light and L and ultimately, I decided upon Light because of your contradictory personality and also because you are largely objective about many areas of interest such as politics. Furthermore, it can take you a time to open up to someone and if I matched you with L, then you would literally never get together because you’re both slow to open up and trust. So, for these reasons, I chose Light. You are intelligent, self-aware almost to a fault, a perfectionist and scatterbrained: these contradictions would intrigue Light. How could someone be so logical yet so imaginative? Imagination itself defies logic. Light would find this irritating, your personality in general, because you don’t make sense and he wants to find out why. It’s basically a mission at first to unravel you but over time he ends up falling in love and that annoys him too and the boy just needs help xp You’re both passive-aggressive so people tend to scarper when the two of you are tense near each other or ignoring each other; you show anger in similar ways though after a certain point in his arc, Light just kills people who annoy him (never you though, ever). He would chip away at getting you know you and you would have to return the favour to get to see the real Light behind the charm. The charm is wonderful but many people don’t live very long after finding out who he is, or they die before they even know there’s another side to him. Light would almost constantly pull you into a deep conversation, wanting to know your worst and most dark thoughts; it’s through these conversations that he gets to know you, fall in love with you, and become really possessive of you. It’d be dangerous beyond a certain point because you would never be able to do or be anything without Light knowing about it. As far as battling depression and suicidal thoughts go, Light wouldn’t be the most sympathetic person to be around when you need someone and he would use logic to try to soothe your insecurities, like, “That’s stupid. No one cares about your spots, so stop worrying about it.” He would try to be sympathetic but he wouldn’t try try, you know?

Death Note - friendship: Amane Misa. I did initally pick L but with how similar he and Light are in a lot of respects, I’d only end up repeating myself. Misa is a dark horse and her greatest strength is that people always underestimate her. She is clever (though reckless), devoted to what she sets her mind on (but stubborn), willing to do what no one else will in the name of love (in the case of her and Light it was likely a mild obsession) and is probably a diamond in the rough when it comes to friendships. She would want to spend a lot of time with you, mostly lounging around in either of your bedrooms and studying or watching a horror film (if you flinch at any gore, she laughs but you laugh when she jumps at the predictable jump scares) and eating your weights in sweets (with Misa moaning about her probably weight gain as the night goes on). She would your number one supporter but if anyone dared to cross Light - even you - then her allegiance would quickly change.

Criminal Minds - romance: Spencer Reid would be with you because Penelope conveniently set you up. How very convenient for me… and for you ;) you’re both introverts so it really would be very slow burn for you to get together but Penelope would be pushy and I think even Hotch would advocate setting you two up, the tension is that thick. You’re not perfect for each other (because that doesn’t exist and anyone who says it does is lying, I think) but that’s okay because you both put in concerted efforts. Spencer struggles with the statistics of him developing schizophrenia, of his previous drug misuse, with cases and of trying to save as many people as he can despite knowing that that’s not possible. He knows and he struggles but still he loves with his whole self and he tries and dear god I wanna squish him. You can be passive-aggressive whereas Spencer would rather let you come to him to talk in out in your own time (forcing him to talk when he’s not ready makes him clam up so he always extends you the same courtesy, no matter how frustrated he is) and so there’s a disconnect here in how you both deal with emotions so there would have to be a compromise. Neither of you have very much experience with relationships and the physical aspects, so you would learn each other’s bodies together as and when you’re both ready - or not, as the case may be, because sometimes you just don’t want to. A part of Spencer’s job means that he can almost always profile you, even though there’s a pact between you that he can’t do that you (though he may teach you, if you ever wanted to learn), so he’s at a advantage when it comes to emotional communication. You open up to each other slowly, really slowly, but that means that the basis for a relationship is solid and may well last a long time.

Criminal Minds - friendship: Penelope Garcia would be all over you omggggggg. She’d love you. You’re an introvert, but that’s never stopped her before. You’re dorky and on that front, she’d want to set you up with Spencer (convenient as fuck that, isn’t it???? xD ^^^^^^^) and she would probably do her very, very best to help you with your anaemia, depression and suicidal thoughts. She would do everything for you and I feel like she would devote so much of herself to helping you out that it would seem like a case to the others. You’re methodical and a perfectionist, which means that you mesh well with the rest of the BAU and they would, between them, likely be able to figure you out and help you figure yourself out. Penelope would be almost anal about making sure that you take your anaemia medication and that you’re eating the right foods and taking care of yourself. She’s your literal sunshine and neither of you know where you would be without the other.

Bleach - romance: Kuchiki Byakuya would probably be the best one for you because he’d pull you out of any funks you had. Not because he wanted to, but because he would need you beside him. You would probably have a large amount of responsibility on your shoulders because of who he is; he would need you to be on top form; or it could risk his reputation. You’re methodical and detailed so sometimes Byakuya would want to spend time with you in the way that you are both doing paperwork for the Squad, spending quiet time together separately. You’re a walking contradiction whereas Byakuya is a walking secret self, almost, so on this front you’d get along splendidly and he would do all he could when it comes to helping you with your depression and if your nihilism ever gets too far, i.e it impacts you negatively in some way, then he would probably use cold, hard logic to help you. It may not be… helpful as such, but he always, always means well and he loves hard. You’re passive-aggressive but sometimes you’re just flat out aggressive, whereas Byakuya is almost always passive-aggressive and will just glare someone to death. You don’t open up often and truth be told neither does Byakuya so any quiet moments between the two of you are equally savoured and treasured until the next one. You come together slowly and then all at once, never to part again.

Bleach - friendship: Kurosaki Ichigo would probably help you with getting with Byakuya truth be told. He seems to get under Byakya’s skin like no one else, save perhaps Renji, and that means that he could probably give you hints and tips to help you with Byakuya. Behind the scenes, he’s also doing the same for Byakuya. You’re a daydreamer and so is Ichigo, to a point, though he focuses on all the things he did wrong the day before (or thinks he did wrong), and how he should have done it, etc. You don’t get angry at each other often, probably because neither of you want to get on the other’s bad side, and he’s so used to looking after his sisters and his dad that he’d definitely get you to take your meds as/when you forget them. The statement “you need to take your meds” with a glass of water and said meds in hand or the question, “taken these?” is very common and almost a daily ritual.

[coneygoil]

Helping Hand

Writer’s note: This is a little LONG fic for my buddy @howtodrawyourdragon‘s birthday! It’s my first modern au hiccstrid fic, and there may be more to come. No more waiting, Mel! XD

Astrid’s nerves skittered about like little creepy crawlies under her skin. She was thankful her hand had to continuously move her cane about, hiding the tremble of her limb.

An incident only a few months back had taken her eyesight. She’d run out into a lightning storm to close the stable door of her horse, Stormfly – so her hooved companion wouldn’t gallop off in terror. Lightning struck the metal wind gage atop the barn, throwing Astrid backwards and knocking her unconscious. When she came to, she awoke to a black sheet of nothingness. And she’d remained in the darkness ever since.

After physically recovering, she’d jump right in to trying to live her life the way she used to. Her determination faltered when things didn’t go as she assumed. Everyday life occurrence as simple as walking to the front door weren’t simple anymore. Learning to read brail was an enormous challenge. And worst of all, Stormfly wouldn’t allow her to ride her anymore. Just that alone caused Astrid’s spirit to crumble and she found herself more than once on lying on the rug in her room sobbing.

Her doctor had suggested a support group to help her cope with the sudden loss of her eyesight. After a week of crushing despair, Astrid picked herself up. She couldn’t – wouldn’t – allow this disability to crush her. Her father had dropped her off at the building the support group met in. With her cane at her assistance and one stop for directions, she made her to the meeting room with her head held high.

Hiccup’s knee bounced as he waited for the meeting to begin. Almost 3 years had passed since the car accident that severed his left leg just below the knee. At first, he wasn’t excited about the idea of a support group for the disabled, but his father had convinced him that it would be good for him to be around others who had lost a part of themselves as well.

The tapping of something on the floor pulled Hiccup’s attention to the open door. His heart sped up at the sight of a beautiful blonde woman walking carefully into the room. He was so captivated by her, he didn’t notice the sunglasses she wore or the cane in her hand.

He broke out of his daze and jumped to his feet, noticing she was going to collide with the circle of chairs. But before he could reach her, the woman’s cane tapped the metal leg of the chair and she veered to the right, tapping on chair legs as she made her way to a clear path within the circle.

She continued tapping lightly on the front chairs as she drew closer to him. Hiccup remained quiet, watching her. He’d never met a blind person directly in his 18 years of life, and he was in awe at how she handled herself.

When the woman gently tapped his metal prosthetic leg, her features contorted in bewilderment. She raised her cane, softly thumping at the metal again. This time she hit something that wasn’t metal at all.

The woman gasped softly and froze. “Did I just hit a person?” she asked.

Hiccup chuckled. “You did, but don’t worry, I’ll live.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m still trying to get the hang of this.” She shook her cane.

“Looks to me you’re handling it just fine,” Hiccup encouraged, a little coy smile crossing her lips at his words. He asked, slightly awkwardly, “Are you uh..here for the disabled support group meeting?”

The woman shook her head. “No. I like to stroll into random buildings.” Hiccup’s mouth hung open, not sure what to say until the woman let out a breathy laugh. “Just kidding. Can you point me to an empty seat?”

Hiccup patted the chair next to him, loud enough so she could hear. “The seat you’re standing in front of is empty. If you don’t mind sitting next to me, that’s is.” He really hoped she didn’t mind.

The woman smiled and carefully settled down in the chair. “Thanks.”

“My name is Hiccup.”

“Nice to meet you, Hiccup.” She offered her hand to shake, and Hiccup gladly accepted. “My name is Astrid.”

Astrid was reassured that she didn’t have to share her story for her first meeting. She could wait for as many meetings as she wished before sharing anything but her name. Astrid didn’t expect to make friends there and to be honest, she wasn’t looking for new friends either. But as she chatted with this boy named Hiccup, she was beginning to change her mind.

Ever since the incident, no one had treated her the same. Her mother walked on egg shells around her, asking constantly if she was all right. Her father - who was a quiet, reserved man already - barely spoke to her. It drove Astrid crazy that she couldn’t see his face but could feel his penetrating stare.

Her friends had stopped by several times to hang out, but they too treated her as if she were fragile. The awkwardness radiating from them, as if they didn’t know how to act around her anymore, didn’t help Astrid feel any better. Only her riding buddy, Heather, had acted normal for the most part. But even then, there were moments when Heather would let something slip that caused an awkward riff.

This guy she’d just met acted as if there was nothing wrong with her. He chatted animatedly with her, his enthusiasm quite infectious. Astrid found herself forgetting about her disability and the fact that she didn’t know what this guy looked like. For the first time in a few months, she felt at ease again.

All too soon, the meeting started. Astrid listened intently at the stories told of heartache and progress and learning to live with loss. Every story was different, and yet, Astrid could relate to every single one.

When it got around to Hiccup, he didn’t tell his story of loss. Astrid had figured he’d been to these meetings many times before. Instead, he shared his progress with a new prosthetic for his leg and she assumed his disability was the loss of said limb.

“I get funny looks when people see the peg leg, but it doesn’t bother me. This type of prosthetic works for me and I’m sticking with it.”

The first image that came to Astrid’s mind was a pirate when Hiccup mentioned his peg leg. She smiled, amused by the thought that the guy sitting next to her wore a triangle hat and sword on his belt. Maybe a parrot thrown in the mix too.

Hiccup finished, and Astrid could feel all the attention in the room suddenly on her. It was strange how she couldn’t see eyes looking at her anymore, but she could feel them as if a person’s gaze manifested physically on her person.

She tried to clear her throat of the lump that had formed. “My name is Astrid, and I lost my eyesight almost 4 months ago.” She didn’t want to share any more; not to a room full of strangers that she couldn’t see. At least, not yet. “That’s all I’d like to say.”

“I didn’t tell my story either during my first meeting,” Hiccup whispered as the next person around the circle shared. Astrid gave a little nod in response, reassured by his words.

Not long after it was her turn, the meeting was over. She turned to her right hearing the guy next to her shift to stand. “It was nice meeting you, Hiccup.”

“Nice meeting you too, Astrid.” She could hear the sincerity in his voice and knew he was smiling. “Can I…walk out with you?” There was a nervous tone about the way he asked, and it made butterflies flutter in Astrid’s stomach.

“Sure. Let me text my dad real quick.” Using Siri as help, Astrid sent a text to her father to inform him the meeting was over.

Hiccup didn’t reach out to help lead her as they walked out, just waited patiently for her to start the trek to the front of the building.

“Are you planning to come back?” Hiccup asked right after informing her to take a left. The rest of the walk was a long hallway to the exit.

“I think so.” Now that they were walking, Astrid could hear another tapping of metal besides her cane on the floor and assumed it was Hiccup’s prosthetic. “A peg leg, huh?”

“Yeah. It’s quite the attention getter, especially with kids.” He didn’t sound at all ashamed of it.

“Where’s your parrot?” It was a silly question, but Astrid couldn’t help dwelling on the pirate image.

“A parrot?” Hiccup asked, puzzled.

“To go with the peg leg.”

There was a pause then a soft laugh. “Oh! Peg leg. Parrot. Arrrrrrrrr. My parrot is out for repairs.”

Astrid let out a tiny chuckle. “I’m sorry. That was dumb of me.”

Hiccup’s pace had slowed significantly as they walked. The quiet clink of his prosthetic helped her keep track of his strides, oddly comforting her. She wished she could see his face to match his unique voice. “Which leg is it?” slipped out before she could think about what she was asking.

“Um,” Hiccup’s brief pause made her regret the question, “The left.”

“If you’re uncomfortable talking about it-“ she spilled in an apologetic tone.

“I’m fine with talking about it.” Hiccup sped up his pace and the sound of the door opening followed. “After you.”

“Thanks.” Astrid’s cane tapped her way out the exit, only to be met by the calling of her name. “Wow, my dad must’ve not left the parking lot. He got here way too quickly.”

“I guess I’ll s—talk to you next week.” Astrid caught Hiccup’s correction. He was the only person so far who had avoided the term ‘see you later’, and Astrid was thankful for that. The awkward apologies or silences after someone had made the mistake was more unbearable than hearing the actual word being misused.

“Yeah, next week.” She hoped she was smiling in his general direction. “Bye, Hiccup.”

As she made her way to her father’s car waiting on the curb, a renewed hope began to swell in Astrid’s chest and she anticipated her next encounter with her new friend. Next week’s meeting couldn’t come fast enough.

[mangokiwitropicalswirl]

Paging Dr. Scully, chp 3

Paging Dr. Scully, chp 1: Squeeze 

Paging Dr Scully, chp 2: Jersey Devil

Paging Dr. Scully, chp 3: Shadows

Why had she let Gina convince her to wear the lace bodysuit?

“I look like a preteen in a Love’s Baby Soft ad,” she mutters to herself in the bathroom mirror at the restaurant as she touches up her lipstick and pushes carefully-curled tendrils behind her ear.

Normally, she’d have called up Melissa to come help her get ready. Melissa keeps up with fashion trends – she wears chokers and Doc Martens with bohemian dresses, not a predictable rotation of petite-sized scrubs underneath bleachy-white doctor coats. Scully rarely has a reason to put on anything other than jeans and a sweatshirt in the all-too-short hours between shifts.

But Melissa is away “on walkabout,” as she had put it. Scully had teased her repeatedly for calling an aimless American road trip by the Australian term for an adolescent spiritual rite of passage. “But it IS meaningful, Dana,” Melissa had insisted, her voice deep with conviction. “I want to see what the world holds for me, to open myself up to possibilities.”

Scully had nodded, only the slightest raise of her eyebrow betraying her scepticism that the trip is anything other than an excuse to hook up with random strangers and experiment with mind altering substances of one kind or another. She could have been jealous of Melissa’s unencumbered ways, but that had never been what she wanted from life.

She had thrived on the challenges of school and the thrill of the ER’s energy. She likes knowing she has control, giving commands to nurses and technicians, swooping in to bring order out of the chaos. That’s what she does. And it’s what she wants – to make sense of things, to categorize and pin things down. Life should be conquerable, ordered, stable. She needs a partner who wants the same things, right?

Which is why she finds herself sitting across from Rob, the tax accountant, easily eight or ten years her senior. A divorcee. Talking about taking kids to the park, or the museum, or is it the circus? Her mind is wandering.

He is nice enough, pleasant, average-looking, but clean. Uncomplicated. The first date she’s had in far too long. Unless you counted that hospital-basement coffee that the cute FBI agent bought her the night before.

Fox. Why is she thinking about Fox right now? Rob is explaining some intricate new estate tax law that Congress is considering, which will wreck havoc on his clients’ attempts to exploit the gift tax loophole.

She keeps the polite smile plastered on her face, ignoring the back part of her brain that begins comparing this conversation to the bizarre repartee she’d had with Mulder – she remembers he had said to call him Mulder – his skulking around the morgue, the story about Jersey Devils. She wonders if he’d called up Dr. Diamond, and if he had, what they’d found out.

Rob is still rambling and she hopes her face isn’t betraying anything but eager, engaged first-date interest.

Would he call her? She’d basically asked him to. She never does that. Why had she done that?

“Dana,” Rob says her name suddenly. “Do you need to get that?”

“Hmm?” She gives her head a startled shake. “What?”

“Your pager went off, do you need to call in?” Rob looks dutiful and concerned.

“Oh, sorry!” She looks sheepishly down at her pager. It’s the hospital. “I’ll just be a minute.”

Walking toward the restaurant desk phone, she can’t put her finger on why she feels disappointed. It’s not like she’d given Mulder her pager number. And for goodness sake, she’s on a date with another guy! Get it together, Dana. Her internal monologue is confusing but mercifully cut short when the call in to the hospital switchboard jolts her back into a role she’s more comfortable with.

“Multiple victims from a ten car pile-up headed in, we need you here tonight, Dr. Scully.”

“I’m on my way.” She doesn’t pause to measure the sense of relief that floods her, which is not a typical reaction to news of a long night of triage and trauma. She’ll make her apologies to Rob, but she won’t say anything about rainchecks or next times.

She dodges Rob’s phone calls for the next week, although work is genuinely busy enough that she doesn’t have to actually lie about why she’s not calling him back. Her mom is not so easily dissuaded. Maggie can’t seem to understand why her highly eligible daughter has made it to the ripe old age of 29 without at least a steady boyfriend.

“We just didn’t click, Mom,” she explains as Maggie questions why she’s not going out with Rob again.

“Well honey, sometimes you have to give a guy a second chance to make an impression,” Maggie sighs.

Scully sighs as well. Sometimes she placates her with promises to be more open, but other times, the best approach is to deflect attention to Melissa, who is several years older and also equally unattached.

“Mom, how’s Melissa? Have you heard from her?”

Maggie knows this is a diversionary tactic, but lets her off the hook anyway. Their conversation wanders away from the topic of Dana’s love life and onto speculations about Melissa’s.

It’s not until a week later Scully remembers that Mulder neglected to call her. And then it’s a quiet Friday another week after that when her phone rings.

“I don’t suppose you’re in Philadelphia right now?” He doesn’t even bother with hello, so it takes her a minute to place the confident, teasing voice on the other end of the line.

“Alas, no,” she smiles, settling down into the soft corner of her couch, propping her feet up on the coffee table. “Why? Should I be?”

“It’s just that I have the strangest hankering to go and see the Liberty Bell. I’ve been here a hundred times and I’ve never seen it.”

“You’re not missing much. It’s a big bell with a big crack, and you have to wait in a long line.”

“Still,” Mulder pauses, “I’d really like to go. You want to come meet me?”

“At the Liberty Bell?” She incredulous, sitting forward on her elbows now.

“Yeah, it’s only, what, three hours drive?”

“Three hours and a dozen tolls,” she laughs. “Plus, I think they’d be closed by the time I get there.”

“Hmmm,” he hums looking at his watch, “true. They probably close after 11.”

“So you’re assuming I’m just going to hop in my car at 8 p.m on a Friday night and meet you in a city three hours away?” Scully is almost impressed by his audacity. “If I remember correctly, we’ve only met twice, and the second time you never called me back.”

“I’m calling you now, aren’t I?” She can hear the smile in his voice.

“Okay, fine. Let’s imagine I hop in my car and meet you in Philadephia. What are you doing up there anyway?”

“On a case. I think I’ve got real proof of psychokinetic activity this time.” He’s breathless, eager.

“Psychokinesis?” Scully laughs. This is an entirely different galaxy – nay, universe – from conversations about tax accounting. “You mean how Carrie got even at the prom?”

“Basically, yes.” He laughs too, and then there’s an awkward pause between them, a low hum over the telephone line that’s neither physical nor entirely imagined.

Scully takes a deep breath before she can change her mind.

“Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“Okay, let’s go to the Liberty Bell.”

“Really?” His voice raises half an octave.

“Don’t make me second-guess myself, G-man,” she retorts, getting up from the couch and hurrying to change into something resembling an outfit. “And you better be buying the cheesesteaks because a girl gets hungry after a long drive.”

“You got it, doc.”

Three hours is a lot of time to second guess oneself, so she finds herself pushing the speed limit more than her usual nine-and-a-half miles over. If she drives faster, she won’t have a chance to analyze the logic of driving three hours to meet a man she’s only met twice – both times in a hospital, and both times he has talked about monsters. Well, monsters or aliens.

What the heck is she doing? She doesn’t know, but she can’t suppress the giggle that bubbles in her belly when she imagines his face when she told him she’d come. Somehow she can picture his wide-eyed surprise, and the way his lower lip must have turned up in a smile.

Why is she thinking about his lip? She barely knows him. Shut up brain. She drives faster.

To his credit, Mulder is waiting at the entrance to the deserted Liberty Bell pavilion parking lot with two oblong foil-wrapped cheesesteaks.

“I had to guess how you’d like yours.” He raises hers up in the air as a greeting as she steps out of the car. “Sorry.”

“I’m sure you did fine,” she smiles, reaching for the sandwich. Now it’s awkward. Should she hug him? Give him a kiss on the cheek? Shake hands?

He’s not helping, staring at her with a quizzical look, his eyes darting between the sandwich in his hands and still-lit pavilion behind her. Scully raises her eyebrows in a question, and shrugs.

“Well?” She says.

“C’mon,” he gestures with his head toward the lighted building. “I bribed the guards to keep it open.”

“You bribed the guards?”

“Bribed, threatened, cajoled, whatever.” He smiles. “The badge comes in handy sometimes.”

“So you’re saying you misused your credentials to convince some poor, beleaguered Liberty Bell attendants to stay open three hours past closing just so we can see this big cracked hunk of tin?” Her words are sarcastic, but her tone rings with delight.

“You make it sound so nefarious,” he says innocently. “Like I said, I just wanted to see it this time.”

“What about the sandwiches?”

“We can eat them inside.”

Scully shakes her head, smiling. This is, hands down, the strangest date she has ever been a part of. And now she’s not even sure it’s a date. He hasn’t attempted to touch her. Not a hug, not a hand on her shoulder. She’s suddenly worried she has misread this entirely, that this is just some strange overture of nerdy friendship. An uncomfortable sinking feeling lodges in her stomach as she searches for a way to ward off her embarrassment if it turns out she made too many assumptions.

But as they walk up to the building, he reaches ahead of her and opens the door, making an arch with his arm for her to walk under. She looks up at him with a smirk as he follows behind her, his hand pressing the lightest touch in the hollow curve of her back.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #102

been awhile, huh?

will you cry at your wedding? i can pretty much guarantee i will.are you named after one of your parents or grandparents? no, but most of the girls in my family have the same middle name.do you feel that your previous relationships were a waste of time? one was. have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? no. what’s your ring tone? "telescope" by starset. who gets up the earliest in your household? the latest? me or mom. i think nicole gets up last, but then again, her room's on the other end of the house, so. i don't really see her. have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? yes, before i knew you shouldn't. have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? i briefly lived in an apartment with my ex. do you take offense to things easily? depends on the subject. more than anything, the misuse of the term "retarded" offends me. in a car: air conditioning, or roll the windows down? air conditioning. i absolutely despise my hair flying in my face. what’s your computer's background at the moment? on the laptop i currently have to use, it's ashley and aubree (this was ash's laptop). on my personal one that currently isn't working, it's a beautiful picture of trico and the boy from "the last guardian." do you look more like your mom or dad? i've heard both. i think i look more like mom. what’s the last video you watched on youtube? i'm watching the game grumps play the remake of the first "resident evil." are you a fan of lady gaga?  i like like... two of her songs. i personally find "bad romance" to be catchy as fuck. sleep position? i usually sleep on my side with my top leg bent up into an angle. what would you name your future daughter? i don't want kids, but if i had one, her name would be alessandra, nicknamed "alessa." if i had another, she'd probably be chloe. what’s something you have a very strong opinion about? abortion. name an interesting fact about yourself. uhhh. i don't know if i still can, but i could ride my bike without handlebars when i used to do it all the time. who is the first person in your contacts? ashley, my sister. do you believe in destiny? no. do animal furs upset you? i don't support using them in most societies, no, because it seems incredibly unnecessary. we have other materials. in certain areas though, like eskimos in alaska, i don't mind it because hey, they have to keep warm. who picks the music when you're riding in the car? if it's me and mom and i'm in the passenger seat, i use my ipod to play music from the car. how do you feel about diet dr. pepper?  diet sodas give me a headache, and dr. pepper gives me heartburn. have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? hurricane floyd was pretty devastating. are you really into vintage things? have you ever been into that stuff? YEP. if going to a concert, do you prefer it to be outside or in a stadium? inside. don't have to worry about the weather. has anyone you know gotten mono? ashley had mono in middle school. do you look at the keyboard when you type? no. have you ever kissed someone anywhere other than on the face/head? yes. do you like your teeth? i wish they were whiter and that i didn't have a retainer on my bottom row, but eh. how many siblings does your significant other have? he also has a sister named ashley. what was the first online account you remember having? neopets. what’s your father’s handwriting like? messy and everything is capitalized. have you ever been a bridesmaid? yes. name one of your ex’s mother’s names? virginia. if you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? if so, where would you go? i wouldn't, but if i had to, i'd move to germany. have you ever been to craigslist.com?  yeah. it's pretty common in the south. my best friend got her cat from there. on "grand theft auto," do you just kill people or actually do the missions? i've never played. i used to watch my neighbor hunter play when we were young, though. then jason and jacob played some of one at the old apartment, and i was impressed that it actually had story. do you own anything “lucky”? no. what is your dad’s occupation? he's been a mailman for a very long time. do you believe that weed should be legalized? it is legal in a lot of places so, old survey, but no, i don't support its legalization. do you like apple jacks? yes. what is one thing that you absolutely despise about your personality?  i can be very paranoid. what's the worst nightmare you've ever had? something involving my dad. what's been the most traumatic experience of your life and does it still bother you? jason breaking up with me, and it can, if i'm exposed to certain triggers. do you think french kissing is gross? i mean, technically yeah. imagine the germs. but i don't hold actual issue with it. do you have any petnames for the person you love? i don't love him, i like him, but no. if you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? i want to be used as part of a fertilizer for a tree. do you own any animals that absolutely hate you? no. bentley acts like he's scared of me, but he's scared of like... everything. but he doesn't hate me. how and when did you discover your favorite show at the moment? "that '70s show" i discovered from my mother years ago, and "fullmetal alchemist" i first saw with my ex in 2012 or 2013, idk. what type of art could you always appreciate but never see yourself actually doing? surreal stuff. your hair can be any color you want, but it's permanently there. what color do you choose? uhhh... galaxy hair? i wanna do that next, and i find it to be beautiful. who named your pets? ashley named teddy, nicole named cali and bentley, and i named venus. is there a particular reason for their names? ashley thought of "teddy" because she thought he was cute as one. i have no fucking clue where "cali" came from since it's derived from "calico," and she's a boxer. "bentley" has no real story. i named my snake "venus" because their color is similar, and i also found the name majestic. does anyone have anything of yours? jason might. do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? nope. who introduced you to your current significant other? if you’re single, who introduced you to your last ex? i don't know who did, actually. we were introduced because we were kinda in the same friend group. do you think struggles make you stronger? depends on your attitude. how old were you when you started puberty? i don't know. i'm bad with time stamps. how did it make you feel? i was upset, i remember. i cried when i got my first period. i felt like i wasn't a kid anymore. what is your boyfriend/​girlfriend/​crush/​husband listed under in your phone? just "girt" what are you listening to? "champagne supernova" by oasis have you ever liked someone way older than you? no. have you ever had a ufo sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? i don't believe in ufos in the alien sense, but i've seen a strange light. i noticed a star getting bigger every night (i used to walk outside with my ipod every night), and one night, it looked like it was shaking a bit. it was also kinda green. then it seemed to explode, getting pretty bright and bigger and just fizzling out of the sky. it was SUPER cool. i looked up supernovas from earth, but nothing looked exactly like that thing did. have you ever had bronchitis? no, though i totally should've when jason had it. despite him telling me not to, i kissed him a number of times anyway in hopes of helping him cheer up. he was miserable. i have an immune system of steel, but that was still stupid. does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? who is it anyway? no. nicole used to go deer hunting with her friend hailee, but they don't really talk anymore to my knowledge. are you someone who is afraid of clowns? what makes you fear them? no. have you ever done time? no. would you ever date anyone that has? nope. have you ever dismissed something and claimed you disliked it before actually trying it? can you give an example of something you dislike but haven’t tried, and why? sushi. i absolutely refuse to try it. i don't like fish, nor do i like seaweed, so. can you name a song from a genre you usually dislike? how come you like this song? "when the stars go blue" by tim mcgraw. i just find it beautiful. have you ever been to one of the great lakes? i think i might've when i was very, very young and went to michigan. do you know anyone who has had a heart attack?  my late grandpa had over 10 very minor heart attacks, i think, according to a doctor. i can't remember the exact number (s)he said. if you got pregnant young, would you get married to the guy who got you pregnant, or for guys, if you got a girl pregnant at a young age, would you marry her? no. that's a poor reason to get married. if you were dating someone seriously for a long time and were considering marriage, would them not wanting kids or vice versa be a deal-breaker? i don't want kids, so him wanting kids would obviously be an issue. could you date someone with no job, no car and no goals? i don't care about a car. i could date someone on disability if they actually needed it, but i couldn't date someone who simply doesn't want a job. i also probably couldn't date anyone who had NO goals. how old is the last person you kissed? he's 23-24, not sure... where was your mom born? flushing, queens, new york. pretty sure. have you ever seen your siblings naked? i know i have with nicole because we took baths together as little kids, then after she takes a shower now, she'll sometimes come into the living room naked to grab clothes without a towel sometimes?? dunno why. she has literally no shame though and it's amazing lol. do you take vitamins? if so, what kinds? no. what’s your favorite flavor of sun chips? i loathe sun chips. favorite kind of m&ms? normal ones. are you afraid of roller coasters? yes. i'm afraid of puking. do/did you enjoy it when your school would have pep rallies? no, i loathed them. i never even went if they occurred in a period where i was close to the teacher because they gave me anxiety. do you see more of your mom or dad’s side of the family more? mom's. i haven't seen anyone on dad's side since i was little. do you say bless you when someone sneezes? even if you don’t know who it is? yes, and sometimes. if the opportunity arose, would you ever go to a nude beach? do you think you’d be comfortable enough, being naked among others like that? no. even if i was in good shape, i wouldn't be comfortable. have you ever seen an animal give birth? have you ever had a pet give birth before?  i've seen some of our old cats give birth various times. would you date someone who still lived with their parents? yes. would you watch a porno with your partner? no. would you be okay with your partner hanging with their ex as friends? this is probably bitchy to say, but i'm not sure i'd be okay with that. would you tie up a partner if they asked you to do so? i don't know. what is one unique thing you’re afraid of? whale sharks. no animal needs a mouth that big. D: do you know anyone in the military? what is your relationship to them? yeah, leon. acquaintance from high school. what will your next tattoo be of? probably "hakuna matata" with the anxiety ribbon beside it. will probably be on my other collarbone. have you ever kissed anybody who had a mustache? he shaved, but sometimes he'd have a mild one. what’s your favorite type of milk? chocolate, if you include that, but if not, like 2% what are three girls’ names that you really like? alessandra, chloe, evelyn. what are three boys’ names that you really like? vincent, luther, victor. what is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? mountains<3 do you pray? rarely. what’s your favorite type of tree? weeping willows. does your pet wear a collar? yes. thinking of the person in your family you have the worst relationship with, what makes it so difficult? my grandma. she's very closed-minded, old-fashioned, and rather high-class. have you ever outwardly wished someone the best but inwardly wished that they would be unhappy? shamefully, yes. would you have an abortion if you would otherwise die in childbirth? with my newfound adjustment to my stance on abortion, i really don't know. if i am being 110% honest, i think if i was presented with this issue... ugh, i don't know. probably, if it was guaranteed i'd die. i just don't think it's fair that someone should have to die for someone. do you enjoy competition shows? sometimes. what kind of side dish do you prefer to eat your chicken with? fries. do you have a pinterest account? yes. have you ever seen the television show "the munsters"? MOM AND I USED TO WATCH IT ALL THE TIME OMGGGG what is the saddest movie that you’ve ever seen? uhhh, not sure. what’s your favorite type of seafood? (i.e. shrimp, lobster, etc.) i only ever enjoy shrimp prepared in certain ways. tell me five facts about your father. 1.) he's a mailman; 2.) he's from ohio; 3.) his name's kenneth, but everyone calls him ken; 4.) he's married to an awesome woman named kim; 5.) he loves fishing. where do your grandparents live? michigan, and my grandma technically lives in florida, but stays with her son's family in new york a lot. what's your favorite big cat?  by the traditional definition, tigers, but i looked it up to be sure of what was included and apparently more than i thought were involved. with the expanded list, snow leopards. do you like classic rock or modern rock better? classic. does your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush smoke pot? to my knowledge, he's never smoked anything. what is something that you hate to do every day? take my heartburn med, because it tastes awful. what does your mom call you? "brittany" or "britt" if you could have one language, one habit, and one skill “downloaded” straight into your brain, what would they be? german, exercising, and cooking. do you pay rent to your parents? no, considering i don't get paid to begin with. who is the most stubborn person you know {excluding yourself}? colleen. is working with animals something you enjoy? how about working with people? what would be your ideal work environment? i love being with animals, but i've proven i can't work with people. and then there's the fact with most jobs where you work with animals, other humans are involved. so i guess my ideal work environment would be something completely solo. when was the last time you deeply disagreed with someone's opinion on something? did you say anything about it?  so there's a survey taker on livejournal (where i get a lot of the surveys i take) and she is literally the bitchiest, most stuck-up, rudest person i have ever come across. there have been multiple occasions where i have seriously considered making an account there just to tell her to grow the fuck up, but no, i've never said anything. who was the last person you slow danced with, and to what song? jason, "stairway to heaven" by led zeppelin how do you decide which surveys to take?  i don't do bolding surveys, nor do i pick ones with really fucking stupid questions. name a very rare item that you would love to own. i would fucking ADORE to have one of the "shadow of the colossus" figurines that came out for a short time in japan. that would be a dream come true. are you good at memorizing phone numbers? no. literally the only number i have memorized is my mom's. do you like men/women who have a sensitive side? yes. do you think it’s possible to be in a long relationship without having sex? i was in a relationship for almost four years without it, so. what’s the song that reminds you of your special someone? idk. talk about how you feel about each of your exes.  i'm going to include everyone who ever had the title of "boyfriend," so let's start from the top. i have no ill feelings towards aaron whatsoever. it was puppy love, and he was an amazing friend. i truly hope he finds all the happiness in the world. juan? jesus christ. he's going to end up in prison one day; he needs to get his shit together. i hold no feelings towards him and he annoys me more than anything. as for jason, he made me extremely happy once upon a time and i'll never forget him, but he became a very ugly person and i no longer hold any remnants of feeling for him. tyler, i never did hold proper feelings towards him and still don't and wish those few weeks never even happened. he needs to learn he's never going to find happiness romance-wise if he continues to be so obsessive. how would you react if you had a particularly unusual pain or ache? i get nervous and ask my mom about it. is there anything that people always tell you that you should do? (ex - “you should be an artist!”) yes, to be an artist. what was the best year of your life? it might actually be this one! just because of how far i've come. what is something that many people seem to have in life that you don’t? does it bother you or does it not really affect you? at my age? a considerable level of independence. i don't drive, i don't have a job, i don't understand and can't do many things people of my age should be able to do. yes, it bothers me, and it bothers me a lot. is there anything that has been drilled into your brain since you were young & you finally decided to stop listening to? how did it feel once you decided to listen to yourself over what you were told? the first thing that comes to mind is that me being told via my religion that homosexuality is wrong. i went about 19 or 20 years believing it was, though please note, i never hated or even disliked those in the lgbt community. then i was listening to a rhett & link podcast where they were talking to hannah hart, and she went into her history of coming out as gay, and despite having no real connection to her, i felt her story. it just made me start questioning myself more heavily, which i had done about a billion times before. i finally decided that i just couldn't see how it was "wrong;" jesus himself supposedly claimed that some people were born as such (he used a word with multiple definitions, but the most common one referred to gay individuals), but honestly, even if that wasn't biblical, i would've stilled changed my mind about my stance. i fail to believe there is anything wrong with two individuals sincerely loving each other just because science says they can't reproduce. the ability to love comes from the heart, not the chromosomes you're given. okay i'm rambling. anyway, i felt honestly massively relieved when i realized my true opinion. if you are currently in a relationship, what is one thing that seems to be unique or different about your relationship with this person, compared to other relationships in general? if you are currently single, is this more of a choice or is it more just the way things are going, not really something you chose? if you are neither “single” or officially in a relationship, what are your feelings on your current situation? i think a unique thing about the two of us is how long we were friends first. most relationships begin at the early friend stage, but we waited seven years. we went into this with a far deeper understanding of each other. do you feel that it is acceptable to hang out with the preferred sex alone when in a relationship (besides with your significant other, of course)? is this something that does or might cause problems in a relationship for you? no, i don't have an issue with it. girt and i did this occasionally while i was with jason, and nothing ever came of it while we were together. when you feel jealousy, how do you deal with it? just that: deal with it. let it roll over. do you like the feeling of relying on or being emotionally attached to somebody or do you try to avoid that feeling? this doesn’t just mean in relationships, but being close with people in general. after jason, i avoid that shit like the plague. the one thing you want people to remember about you? that i never gave up. a habit you want to break? immediately assuming the worst. the most encouraging thing someone’s said to/done for you? we don't talk anymore, but for some reason, that one time chelsea told me how beautiful i was and that i deserved everything in the world stuck with me. just the way she said it is something i won't forget. how do you pursue a love interest? are you active or passive about it? i'm passive as fuck. i don't make the moves. you (and your friends or s/o) are free tonight! where do you go? and/or the best party/event you’ve ever been to? this actually makes me think back over a year ago when girt, colleen, bradley, and i went out to eat together and colleen and i got our matching tattoos. that was a blast. 10/10 would do again. and knowing us, if we were all free and wanted to get together one day, we'd probably just chill at colleen's house. worst thing you’ve done to avoid someone on social media, or just in general? probably just pretend to be offline. i haven't gone to extreme measures. worst memory you’ve ever had? and/or worst thing you’ve ever done to someone? my worst memory is the night jason left. i can essentially give you a play-by-play of it. i don't know the worst thing i've ever done to someone. a song that never fails to lift up your feelings? mainly due to memories, "closer" by the chainsmokers makes me smile. colleen and i will never NOT sing it lol. just a lot of memories of riding with her and chels and singing. and i don't sing a lot. how do you fall in love? do you fall fast and hard for someone or does it take time for you to fall in love? with jason, i fell pretty fast. with my current boyfriend, i'm taking it slow as hell. what’s the hardest thing you’ve had to give up? i actually used to say jason, but the previous answer to this survey changed my mind to "my mental health." my mental health went downhill at a young age, and it ultimately caused far more turmoil than jason alone. who do you look up to? name those (living, dead, fictional, real, etc.) who have inspired you in life. a lot of people have inspired me. but the person who inspires me most is mark fischbach. he came from nothing and became youtube's "most influential" gamer for a reason. his outlook on life is something i really respect and he's just overall the kind of good person i hope i can be, and i could only wish to be that ambitious. steve irwin is also one of my biggest inspirations; his love for animals was unparalleled, and i will always appreciate him for teaching me so much about them. he died doing what he adored. i also look up to link neal & rhett mclaughlin (grouping them together 'cuz let's be real they're essentially the same person tbh); they are so endlessly creative and unique and quirky. i also find it inspiring that they, too, came from north carolina of all boring-ass places, yet they made it big. ugh i look up to so many more that i'm blanking atm. what is something (show, book, song, person, etc.) that you are currently unhealthily obsessed with? i will forever be obsessed with mark, rhett, link, meerkats, and "silent hill" @_@ which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? personally, i believe if you want a tattoo that means something to you, get it. but nevertheless, i'm still sick of seeing dreamcatchers and infinity symbols. do you know anybody whose initials spell something?  ashley's used to spell "and" before she got married. how many entryways are there into your living room? three: front door, from my room, from the kitchen. have you been hit on by someone that was already in a relationship? yes. are you indecisive? unbelievably. has a guy ever admitted that you hurt him? jason's teared up before when arguing, so in a way i assume i did. when was the last time you ate at burger king? it's been years. i don't really like it. if you have pets, have they ever needed surgery? no. under what circumstances would you donate a kidney? if my mom needed one and no one else was willing. she only has one, so losing the one she has now would be a big issue, to put it lightly. is it possible to love someone if you don't love yourself? i hate this fucking question. obviously. i hated myself when i was with jason, yet i adored him. if you have facebook, are you guilty of fanning countless things? you have no idea how much shit i used to "fan." whom are you subscribed to on youtube, and when did you subscribe? there's a number of people i'm subscribed to and actually watch, so, i'll go through the list. markiplier: i would annoy literally everyone if i went into every detail as to why i watch him and make a 10-paragraph explanation so i'm just going to answer this with "everything" lol. i subscribed in either 2012 or 2013, i forget. good mythical morning & rhett and link: they host a very entertaining and sometimes educational show that never fails to surprise. they're wonderful people and deserve all the support in the world. i watch their music channel because their songs tend to be quirky and also catchy as fuck and i also just want to support my north carolina babes. subscribed in early 2016. pewdiepie: he's unlike anyone else on the planet and has always been very funny to me, albeit sometimes immature. he's evolved wonderfully to having a sense of humor i really enjoy. i subscribed in 2012 or 2013 again, though i remember it was before mark. 8bitryan/8bitgaming: i really enjoy ryan's silliness and his editing style appeals to me. he's a total goof that i find enjoyable to watch. i enjoy bazamalam on 8bitgaming too, but tbh i mainly watch it for ryan lol. i subscribed to ryan first early this year, and then 8bitgaming a little while later. timmy timato: he's like the happiest person ever and is very entertaining. despite having no interest in cooking, i find his diys very unique, and i'm always curious to see what he makes. really disliked when he started adding inconceivably childish songs in his timeskips, though. but regardless, i find him extremely funny. subscribed last year thanks to my friend alex. game grumps: danny and arin are the funniest people i've ever heard. they're just overall hilarious to me, simple as that. subscribed literally last month, despite being a fan of them for a while due to their videos with mark. joe santagato: also just very funny; his reactions to shit is priceless. subscribed last year due to being exposed to him by my friend alyssa. i'm subscribed to like... over 100 others, mostly amv makers, but i don't actively watch. do your parents swear? dad does, mom doesn't much and mostly avoids "fuck" unless she's pissed. name all the movies you remember crying during while watching them. i've never liked sobbed at any movie, but i know i've teared up to "the notebook," "a walk to remember," "titanic," i think "marley and me," and i know good and well there are more. are you excited to pick out your wedding dress one day? kinda. i think it'd be cool to see various different ones until i find the one that just makes sense, but i hate trying things on and most of all, i do fucking not want some random woman helping me get dressed and undressed. awkward. how many weddings have you been to? three that i remember: randi's, lolita's, ashley's. what is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? break up with me over fucking facebook messenger after dating for almost four years. are you afraid that one day you might get cancer? yes. i'm not actively scared of it, but i still worry about it, considering a number of people in my family have had it. what do you do at a party? i don't go to parties. what is your relationship with your pets? i could never love my own human child more than i love teddy. i adore him in every way and he is absolutely my son. he's such an amazing dog. venus is my baby, too. snakes have always been special to me, but she specifically is even moreso. she's so calm and friendly. cali is okay. she's too active for me personally and she is a HORRENDOUS begger, which is my biggest pet peeve with animals. she doesn't listen, either. bentley, i just don't like. i don't hate him, no, but i just don't like him. he's the most hyper creature on planet earth, he's obnoxious in general, he barks at everything, he's impossible to house train, he doesn't listen, he begs, he just... annoys me. does it matter to you if your boy/girlfriend drinks? if he drinks anymore than occasionally, yes. i wouldn't even tolerate regular drinking. do you think abortion should be illegal? no. it wouldn't stop abortions; it would only send us back to times when things like coathanger abortions were common, and that would only result in more deaths than just the child. how many siblings does your significant other have? he has one sister named ashley. have you ever done three or more shots in a row? i've never done shots. do not want. i don't like the taste of alcohol, and with how concentrated they are, i already know i'd hate them. have you ever shared a shower or bath with someone as an adult? no, also do not want. taking a shower is my personal time to get clean, i don't want someone else around me. do you have any strapless bras? hunny, i'm plus-sized. a strapless bra would be a bad idea lol. do either of your parents text? they both do. dad's really bad at it though so usually calls. what health problems occur in your family? high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, depression, cancer is in question, asthma, and i know i'm forgetting some... have you ever participated in s&m? noooo, not interested whatsoever. what do you most disagree on with your best friend? omg true shit colleen hates markiplier (her husband loves him) so realistically i should shun her lmao. okay no seriously our biggest disagreement is either her racism or firm dislike of gay marriage. with sara, i'm not sure? most of our beliefs are similar, but i don't know all of hers. what is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? GIVE ME "THE INCREDIBLES 2" NOW if you ever think about getting married, what are some aspects of the wedding that you would like to see in a non-traditional manner (e.g., a different color dress or “partners” over “husband” and “wife”)? i might wear black. i also don't want to get married in a church. if you could marry any celebrity today who would it be? i wouldn't. i mean sure, i like some celebs, but it's not like i personally know them. if you were pregnant, how long would you wait to write something about it on facebook? after it was confirmed by a doctor. what's your favorite kind of lip piercing? (monroe, labret, snakebites, etc.) i like vertical labrets like mine. what’s the best valentine’s day gift you’ve gotten? jason pretty much went all-out and got me roses, a box of chocolates, and a copy of "heavy rain," which i'd really been wanting to play. it was super sweet. do you drink ginger ale when you are not sick? no. i sip it when my stomach's upset, but if i'm not sick, it makes me feel so. ever been homeless? technically, but i stayed with a friend during this time. have you ever had feelings for two people at the same time? if so, were you in a relationship with one of the two people? and if so, did you feel guilty about it? once upon a time, i was torn between jason and juan, and i ended up dating jason. thank the lord god almighty i didn't go for juan. where would you rather go: greece or hawaii? probably greece. ever seen a burning building in person? yes. when i lived in sharpsburg, there was an awful house fire diagonal to us. did you vote in the last presidential election? nope. hated everyone. if someone tells you a really juicy gossip right now, would you pass it on? i'm not ten, thanks. who is the last person that asked to hang out with you? my boyfriend.do you call it fall or autumn? autumn, usually. how do you deal with oppressive heat? stay the fuck inside or whine like a bitch if i'm forced to be in it.if you're home alone and someone knocks on the door, what do you do? i don't answer. my family knows if they need to get in, text me. i'm too afraid to even look out the window when i'm home alone and someone knocks.what's one book that you have read that will stick with you forever? "johnny got his gun" by dalton trumbo. have you ever dated someone who eventually turned up gay, or straight if they were once gay? actually, i think so. i'm like 90% sure aaron's gay. do you eat onion rings? i can only tolerate a couple bites of onion rings from certain places. when you get a headache do you take painkillers right away or try to wait it out? depends on severity. i'll normally lie down if it's time for bed or if i haven't napped that day, i might grab a cold washcloth, or i'll take meds if it's bad enough. do you think pigs are cute or ugly? i fucking love pigs okay. what’s your favorite thing to do? write. if the last female you talked to told you that she was pregnant, what would you say to her? well, that would be my mother, and considering she's been through menopause and is also not with anyone, i'd be real fucking confused. if the last male you talked to told you that he was going to be a father, what would you say to him? that would be my boyfriend, and considering he's sure as hell not going to be one because of me, we'd be breaking up. how’s your online personality different from your offline personality? i'm way more outgoing online, as well as usually more talkative. i'm more open. have you ever assisted in a birth? omg no and i never will. call it a miracle all you want, it's fucking disgusting. first song that comes onto your iPod when you go to shuffle. "happy together" by filter. have you ever fought with someone over a guy? i'm so lucky to have never had to face that issue. do you prefer "the simpsons" or "family guy"? i don't really watch either, but "family guy." what was your middle school’s mascot? cobras. who is your favorite super hero? batman. what’s one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? not a meal, but i tend to like jell-o. i don't eat a lot when i'm sick. who provokes your sarcastic side the most? my boyfriend, easily. what’s your favorite type of insect? butterflies. what’s your LEAST favorite type of insect? RHINOCEROS BEETLES OH MY FUCKING- what’s your favorite way to eat nutella? just on a spoon like a fatass @_@ how many vowels are there in your first name? two, unless you say it like a weirdo. what’s your opinion of root beer? omg pls no have mercy. disgusting. who do you talk to every day no matter what? my mama. have you ever been attracted to someone’s parent? pretty sure no. have you ever pole danced before? no, nobody wants to see me do that ha ha. no shit though, last month colleen asked me if i wanted to go to a class together just for shits and giggles. i thought she was out of her damn mind. what song are you playing now, or wish you were playing? "pumped up kicks" by foster the people. i've been listening to music like mad lately. has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry? i don't know, not sure. i think the closest was chester bennington's, though, because he was so important to my childhood. there are celebs whose deaths i know will make me cry, though. has the same sex ever undressed in front of you? my best friend and sister. has the opposite sex ever done that? my ex would so long he still had boxers on. is it ever okay to hit a child? when is this? fuck no. i don't even support spanking. are any of your siblings married? what are their spouses' names? ashley's husband's name is nick. how many times have you been cussed out? plenty of times online, once in real life. are you anyon​e’​​​​s first​ love? i highly doubt it. how many houses have you lived in? four. well, i kinda lived in the apartment, but not technically. have you ever had a cavity? yes. your regrets: are they mostly things you HAVE done, or haven’t? haven't. can you ride a bike with no handlebars? i used to be able to, but not anymore. are there any songs you really like, but don't like certain parts of it (lyrics, beat, etc.)? yes. particularly the intros to "brickhouse 2000" by rob zombie & "more human than human" by white zombie. fucking disgusting. i skip them if i can. have you ever taken someone's virginity? considering i'm a virgin, no. do you think suits are sexy? y e s when and why did you move out of your parents’ home? i haven't yet. have you ever tried to be friends with someone who broke your heart? yeah. didn't go over well. what are your best friend(s)'s siblings' names? sara has a brother named luke and another brother whose name i can't remember, and colleen has a sister named chelsea and a half-brother named bobby. if you suffer from any kind of illness/disorder: if you were able, would you choose to cure yourself? why or why not? of course i would?? i don't think this needs explaining?? at which point in your life were you the most healthy? the least? physically? when i was like... 16 or 17. i was 120 pounds and just really fit in general. least, i don't know, probably the beginning of this year because abilify essentially ruined my life. mentally, i was healthiest as a child. least healthy, also the beginning of this year. have you met your crush/s.o.'s parents? i'll hopefully be meeting his mom in october. his dad is dead. do horror movies scare you more when they're 'based on a true story'? no, because i doubt most are. have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? i've seen dad drunk plenty of times, once with my mom. she denies she was drunk, but she totally was. (if your parents are married), do you know where they got engaged? they're not married anymore, but their engagement was the least romantic thing ever lol. to my knowledge, my dad literally just told my mom they should get married after one of their friends did lmao. would your mom make a good president? NO. she's too emotional for that. are you attracted to confident/outgoing people, or quiet/reserved people? i can go either way, but in general, confident/outgoing because i'm the quiet/reserved one. is there an outfit that you wear much more frequently than any other?  i tend to wear my otep shirt quite a bit because it's just really comfy. when's the last time you ALMOST cried, but didn't? when i was listening to "given up" by linkin park and the lyric "put me out of my misery" came up. with chester's suicide just passing, i don't know, it hit me. i've mostly been avoiding listening to them lately (i've been listening to my itunes a lot lately), but i really felt like listening to the song. what makes up your ancestry? german, irish, and polish. considering my last name is scottish though, i wonder if we have scottish origins on my dad's side. have you ever witnessed either of your parents being heartbroken? mom after the divorce. she tried and still tries to mask it with anger, but i see through it. how many people of the opposite sex have you said ‘i love you’ to? just one romantically. have you ever watched the sun rise? yes. i remember one occasion years ago where me, nicole, and her best friend allison stayed up all night, and it was a blast. we went walking down the path in the middle of the night like idiots and then at sunrise, and then we jumped into the pool lol. mom woke up because she heard us outside and was so confused ha ha. your ex REALLY needs you at 3 am and you have a way to their house - would you? only if it was a life or death situation. who’s the person you’ve known the longest online? that i'm still in contact with, pretty sure emma. what’s the worst color tattoo to get? why? technically white. the color doesn't stand out well. well, if you're white. do you keep track of your pets’ birthdays?  i only know teddy's, which is november 1st. what do your siblings do for a living? katie decorates cakes; she's very talented. i don't know what bobby, misty, and tiffany do. ashley is a radiographer and mammographer. nicole is a dance instructor. would you date a 18 year old at the age you are now? nope. what about 30? no. who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? colleen's brother. what’s your next piercing going to be? nose. what are your views on spontaneous human combustion? i don't know if i believe it or not. know anyone with a substance abuse problem?  i know someone who recently became sober and i'm super proud of her. how does alcohol affect you? i flush badly and my stomach kinda burns. but otherwise, i handle it extremely well. i've never been drunk, anyway. how far away is the closest mcdonald’s from your house? not even five minutes. maybe not even three. forget about toppings. What type of crust do you like on pizzas? T H I C C if you hit an animal while driving, would you stop to see if it was okay? ... i'm pretty sure if i hit an animal with a speeding car, it's not okay?? i'd cry, though. if you have a significant other, how long have you been together? two months now. did you attend sunday school as a child? yep. what is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? i don't really like card games, but i guess "magic: the gathering" (thnx jason). i was bad at it, though. i haven't played since jason and i were together. who was the last person you talked to on skype/video chat? my bro sam, but without video. name the last five people that messaged you on facebook, and tell me something about them. morgan: she's been a sweetheart for as long as i've known her and i was super surprised when she contacted me (she wants me to take pictures of her dog in the fall). girt: he's my boyfriend and is just a goof. everett: an old friend that honestly creeps me out sometimes because he acts like he likes me occasionally, but he's too old for me. colleen: one of my best friends that means the world to me. nicole: my little sister.what's your best talent? writing, i guess.are you a fan of anime? sure, some. what illegal things have you done? downloading things, i've probably jaywalked before, drank underage. should there be an application process for having children? no. that would in no way stop humans from reproducing. how intense is your anger? have you ever hurt anyone/yourself? it can be pretty intense, but i usually don't outwardly express it. i have hurt myself. have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? no, because i actually know a thing or two about loyalty. when you played tic-tac-toe, were you usually the x or o? x. if you were born outside of your era, when would you want to be born and why? the '80s. i love the '80s. well, maybe the '70s, so i'd be older in the '80s to experience more. what do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? snickers. i don't like them. out of your friends, who would you say you are most jealous of, artistically? jax. she's wonderful. most jealous of….intellectually? my boyfriend, actually. he's very intelligent. do you like real heavy metal or recent screamo crap? heavy metal is my favorite genre, but i don't like screamo. i want to understand what i'm hearing. do you like ronnie james dio? very nice, talented man. died too young. do you have a specific gas station you usually go to? or do you stop wherever? mom usually stops at sheetz. how much older than you was the oldest person you have dated/had a relationship with? we only "dated" less than a day, but he was at least four years older. maybe a bit more. what is your opinion on dating someone who already had a child/children from a previous relationship? i personally wouldn't do it. i don't want any semblance of maternal responsibility, especially towards a child that isn't even mine. is marijuana legal for "recreational use" where you live? also what is your opinion on the recent legalization of marijuana in certain states? uhhh i don't know, let me check. *checks and promptly deletes search from history lmao* no, it's not. i don't support its legalization. cigarettes are enough of a problem, you don't need to be smoking other shit with more carcinogens. how often do you typically change your bra? considering i barely go anywhere ever so am almost constantly in pajamas, i barely ever wear a bra lol. but when i do, i'll use it for a few days before changing it because of how briefly i actually wear it. do you usually have bad symptoms around "that time of the month"? not really, no, ever since i started birth control. i get mild or sometimes kinda severe abdominal cramps and sometimes a headache. i have to pee like constantly. that's pretty much it. is your hair thick or thin? would you say it's easy to manage? literally every hairdresser i've ever seen always says it's like the thickest hair they've ever seen lol. and no, because it's so thick. have you ever had to deal with any type of long distance relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship? most of my friendships are long-distance. how do you feel about being called sweetie/dear/honey/etc.? so long it's not "babe" or "baby," i'm fine with it, and it's usually endearing. what would you say is your worst habit?  catastrophizing/always assuming the absolute worst. laziness. procrastinating. is chest hair a turn-on? not excessive to me, but i don't particularly care about appearances. what’s your mom’s middle name? marie. have either of your parents ever had an affair? mom claims dad did, but it's not like she hasn't lied about shit dad's done before. dad suspected she did with mike, but i know she hasn't. what made you pick up the last book you started reading? i didn't pick it myself. mom just brought me a book that was supposedly interesting while i was in the hospital. the last book i picked myself was because the lich king is one of my favorite wow characters. hypothetically and generally speaking, how would you go about breaking up with someone? is there anything you would make sure to say, or perhaps not say? be honest as to why i was breaking up with him. what i would say would depend on the situation. are there any fictional characters you like even though they’re “bad” or “evil?” what qualities draw you to a character? of course there is. i like realistic, flawed characters. is there anything you’ve promised yourself you’ll never do again? multiple things, and i'm keeping that promise. as a kid, what was your favorite playground activity? the swings. how many people in your life have you kissed? three, when it should've only been two. what is a movie that you heard about recently that you do NOT want to see? hm, i'm not sure. i don't really keep up with current movies. what do you do during long trips in the car? listen to music! were you a chubby or thin baby? i was pretty average. has anyone ever called you a good kisser? not those exact words. have you ever wanted to be homeschooled? if so, why? if not, why not? do you know anyone who is, or have you ever been homeschooled yourself? i was homebound for a while in middle school because school deeply depressed me and stressed me out. i have a pair of cousins who were homeschooled for religious reasons. as in, religious to the point they weren't allowed to watch spongebob. and the family wonders why brenna's insane. are you typically a jealous person? i wouldn't say typically, but i can be. do you remember how you felt on 9/11? i don't remember 9/11. who is your ex dating/talking to? i think aaron's with a guy. i don't think juan is with anyone, and he shouldn't be. i'm gonna guess jason's still with ashley. i hope tyler's single until he gets his shit together. are you donating your organs? yes. not like i'm gonna need 'em. ever met any online friends in person? no, but i hope i can this october!! has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you?  yes. we weren't together and never actually met, but it was definitely cheating. do large bodies of water scare you? i'm scared of the ocean/abysmally deep water. like i can be at the shore, but not deep. do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush?  yes?  do people not? if you could have one more pet, what?  i'd get a chameleon, because i don't want only one rat because they're social. what do you order at chik-fil-a?  just the traditional chicken sandwich. have you ever eaten lobster? no.  it'd be interesting to try.  i've had crab legs before though and i didn't like them, so is lobster and crab similar in taste? as a child, what were your favorite games to play?  playing the "spyro the dragon" trilogy obsessively lol.  my favorite card game was "go fish," i think.  i don't remember my favorite board game. are there any hobbies you have that you don't perform in front of others?  i absolutely will not write or draw in front of someone.  i don't like editing my photography in front of others, but i will if i have to. what is your favorite piece of art you own?  do posters count?  then my "silent hill 3" po-... actually, no, my illidan poster.  it's badass. who is your craziest friend? colleen's my favorite crazy bitch <3 what is the one song you could listen to nonstop? none.  i'd get tired of it eventually. do you smile at strangers? i'm not just going to look at a stranger and randomly smile.  if i have a reason to, sure. what’s the one book you think everyone should be required to read? "johnny got his gun" by dalton trumbo.  think twice about war. ever used a ouija board? no.  i don't think i believe they work, but i believe in them enough to not fuck with them. do you believe in karma? no.  not everyone gets what they deserve. ever TRULY wanted to kill someone?  somewhat.  not anymore, thankfully.  i was being the jealous ex-girlfriend. who annoys you more: the people who go crazy over a current popular movie/celebrity/musician/whatever or the people that spend all their time hating on whatever it is?  hating on it.  if people love something, let them love it.  but if you're going to spend all your time bashing something for no apparent reason, please shut up.  it's fine if you don't like something, but you don't have to constantly bitch about it.  let people enjoy things. what are you most against out of the following: the current president/prime minister in your country, the use of drugs & alcohol, capital punishment, owning/using guns, or discrimination of any kind (racism, ageism, sexism, etc.)? why are you against this?  if i had to pick, discrimination.  it's such a basic right to be equals. do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? it's disgusting when anyone gets wasted. is confidence cute? "cute" isn't really the word i'd use for it, but attractive.  but anyway, yes, but not to the point of arrogance. would you ever want to swim with sharks?  no.  i'm not THAT trusting of a predator. who was the last person you danced with?  colleen. which shrek movie was the best?  the second! are pit bulls evil?  fuck off. would you die for any of your pets?  for teddy, yes. have you ever outwardly wished someone the best, but inwardly wished that they would be unhappy?  ... yeah.  not anymore. does your ex-boyfriend/-girlfriend’s new romantic interest know about the things you two did together?  how would i know? do you ever tell your current boyfriend or girlfriend about the things that you did with an ex-partner? i'd tell him if he asked me. have you ever had someone drag his or her nails down your back?  yeah. have you ever met someone you thought was perfect for you, but he or she was already dating someone else?  i had a crush on a guy named sebastian in high school.  he was in a relationship.  they had troubles a lot and i was always there for him to talk. is there any alcohol in your freezer right now? there's beer in the fridge because nicole's "boyfriend" or whatever the fuck he is drinks too much. have you ever been in a physically abusive relationship?  no.  i wouldn't tolerate that shit for a second. if someone left you with a 12 month old baby for a day, could you confidently watch them by yourself? ... you could've just said "one year old?"  but whatever.  no, because i'm not changing a damn diaper. is there any certain style of architecture you really enjoy?  GOTHIC. have you ever made out with someone you weren’t dating? no, i don't roll like that. do you have any interesting tattoos/piercings? people like my semi-colon butterfly and "how rare and beautiful it is to even exist" tats.  my lip ring gets attention, too.  ryder (nephew) appears to love it because he constantly stares at me and smiles and we don't see what else he'd be staring at. are your lips soft? i've been told so, when they feel dry like constantly to me? where are your siblings? katie's in kentucky, bobby's in tennessee, misty's in ohio, no fucking clue where tiffany is, ash and nicole are in nc with us. so, what if you married the last person you kissed?  way, way too early to think about that.  i could see it happening years from now since i don't see any potential issues in our relationship, but certainly not anytime soon. have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend? pretty much. why do we put the clocks one hour forward or one hour back? i was told in high school it has something to do with the government wanting to conserve power and that there's no scientific reason.  don't even know if that's true. is your ex older or younger than you? i think aaron's a bit younger (i could be wrong), juan's older, jason's older, i don't know if tyler was younger or older. would you eat a live spider for one million dollars?  how big are we talking?  is it venomous? ever been kicked out of your home?  no. what's your biggest "what if"? "what if i'm never successful?" most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?  who says everyone's attracted to their opposite gender?  but james hetfield from metallica.  i don't give a fuck if he's in his 50s. @_@ can insanity bring on more creativity?  obviously, but not always in a good way. what is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? going to the partial hospitalization program at holly hill. what would you want to be written on your tombstone? i don't know.  to at least give somewhat of an entertaining answer, i know my mom wants "my body lies, but still i roam" on hers.  it's a reference to "wherever i may roam" by metallica. do you know anyone who can fluently speak more than one languages?  juan.  probably others. what animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have?  ferret, but they're too much work. have you ever had any really infected injuries? no. are you too shy to tell people when you’re developing feelings for them? yessir. what did your dress for prom look like?  first was maroon.  second was black. what're all the enemies from games that have ACTUALLY scared you?  the clickers from "the last of us" are high up on the list.  fucking disgusting and terrifying concept.  pyramid head when i played "silent hill 2" the first time and he chased you down the corridor in the hospital freaked me out, but he himself i found more cool than scary.  there's this one, totally insignificant guy in the first "outlast" that really creeped me out- the guy in a straitjacket that followed you around asking to be your friend or something like that.  also the groom (i don't remember if he had an actual name) from the first "outlast" dlc was by far the most fucked-up villain in any game i have ever played, although he didn't actually scare me.  the keeper from "the evil within" was fucking creepy with how he stormed towards you, although he himself also didn't scare me; like pyramid head, i thought he was more cool than anything.  regenerators from "resident evil 4" are fucking terrifying.  the xenomorphs from "alien: isolation" are horrific because they're so realistic and have the best ai i've like ever seen of any monster in a game.  fucking scp-096, scp-173, and scp-049 from "scp containment breach" are goddamn horrifying.  they're the three biggest reasons i can't play that damn game lol.  i've played a lot of good horror games, so there's a good number. what do you like about the lead singer from your favorite band?  i don't really know anything about jeremy (ad2r), jonathan (korn), and til (rammstein), so.  as for ozzy, i adore him for how far he's come as a person, and he's also just a very silly individual.  james (metallica) is an amazing person who has opinions i respect.  i don't know much about dani (cradle of filth), but boy does he write amazing lyrics.  all i know about him personally is i'm pretty sure i've seen him say he's a satanist, which i don't exactly respect.  i honestly don't like much about manson as he's a mostly repulsive person, but i do enjoy how brazenly unique and shameless he is.  as for otep, i respect how strong she is, coming from a childhood of abuse, but for the most part, she's honestly an intolerant bitch (her facebook is a mess). would you ever wish to explore a cave?  GOALS ever been in a room so messy you couldn’t sit on the floor?  yup.  i've been in two hoarders' houses and i nearly cried. do you care if guys have long hair?  ... you know it's 2017, right? do you care if girls have short hair?  again, 20fucking17. what would you do if you found out you were dating a vampire?  ... is it bad if vampires were real, i'd probably find that to be super cool? are any of your pets “overweight”?  no.  why the quotations? has anyone ever bought you a ring?  mom, colleen, and jason are the only ones i remember. which one of your friends is the most brutally honest?  colleen, easily. what is your absolute favorite band?  ozzy osbourne. when, if ever, did you start liking beer? i've never tried beer and don't want to.  it smells awful and reminds me of when dad was an alcoholic. what was the best thing your mum/dad/guardian used to make?  my dad makes great eggs.  right now, nothing my mom makes that is really unique in flavor or something comes to mind. what’s your comfort food?  ice cream. how do you like your eggs? scrambled and cheesy or as an omelette. where do you buy most of your food? walmart or harris teeter.  ht is easier since mom works there, but we prefer walmart brand stuff. what fish do you like?  i don't really like fish.  i remember YEARS ago i had striper and though it was good, though.  i think i liked crappie, too, though i got a bone stuck in my throat lol. what meats have you eaten besides cow, pig and poultry?  nothing that comes to mind except fish, since we just mentioned it.  i've never eaten anything even remotely strange, really. what’s your favorite restaurant? olive garden.  i also love buffalo wild wings. would you date someone who’s shorter than you?  i hate this fucking question and don't understand when i see people say "no."  who the fuck cares how tall someone is. would you go out with your best friend’s ex?  only if she was sincerely okay with it and i really liked the dude.  i wouldn't if they were a serious couple, though.  that'd be weird. have you ever taken a racy photo for a sweetie?  awww, that's so cute how you wrote it as "sweetie" lol.  but no. are you friends with your sweetie’s friends? not yet.  i don't know most of his friends.  well, we had some of the same friends in high school, but neither of us really talk to them now. have you ever been tested for stds? no. have you ever run into your ex with his/her new sweetie? no.  that would've been a  t r a i n w r e c k  before.  even still, it would make me uncomfortable. have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? yep. have you ever lied about your sexual past? no.  i don't have much to hide. what is your significant other listed under in your phone? just his name.  am i a bad girlfriend? assuming you’re not a saint, have you ever shoplifted?  no, i'm an angel. when/where did you meet your first love?  sophomore year of high school. what’s your favorite feature of the person you’re currently interested in?  his sense of humor.

[faithful-grigori]

”#this was a meme and then it wasn’t, #also the adhd isn’t a question she’s like yeah no that one for sure checks out, #but yeah I think she’d really struggle to decide if she counts as autistic or not bc she fits most the criteria!, #but it’s all seemingly connected to her hybrid nature#and I think she’d worry a lot about misusing the term, #and like. doing cultural appropriation but with autism LMAO”

I think post season 3 Johanna has a major existential crisis trying to figure out if she’s autistic or if it’s just side effects of being half fairy. Does she feel like an outsider and struggle with social norms because she’s autistic or because she’s just straight up not a human, etc. Can the two overlap? Can fairies have human conditions? Is she half autistic because she’s half human? Does she feel out of place because of neurodivergency or because she’s literally physically not supposed to be in this plane of existence. But she’s not supposed to be in the fairy realm either, she’s just as out of place there too. There’s no where she really belongs, she’s an outsider wherever she goes. Is there anything more neurodivergent than that?