#and I still feel like I am just being super duper vague cause I don't wanna spoil

[necroangelz]

haiy ., 🪽 pleas😓‼️ /nf

『 🪽 』

infodump about an oc

I'll be discussing a newer oc in this post, riamu yumemi......! yea she's based on the im@s character so what... i used the character's name and used her appearance as inspo as well but that's about it. others may find unintentional similarities between the two though

i know nothing about im@s riamu it just... felt right to me to make the oc based on her ig? idk anyway here we go

picrew linkie melanin added by yours truly

so this riamu is a mad scientist girly who is absolutely Not professional enough for her job! she never follows lab safety precautions, none of her experiments are legal, she constantly causes explosions or invents a new virus on accident or creates deadly military weapons and she's an absolute liability to the corporation she works for. not that they can fire her though :) she's too valuable to them :) and bad things will happen if they fire her :)

not only that but she's also a nightmare to be around

she has very volatile and explosive mood swings and sometimes lies about shit for fun and makes people vaguely uncomfortable and she kiiinddd offf has a god complex?? but come on she's just a silly hyper girly :3 she's not really mean to people she's just .... a lot to handle and overwhelming

riamu is obsessed with presenting herself in a certain way, rn she's trying to present herself as a quirky and cutesy anime girl. she dyed her hair to stand out more and she dresses up in jfashion... even when she's at work. its obvious she forces herself to behave differently too. she forces herself to be outspoken, bubbly, charismatic, and basically just super duper different. she wants to stand out and make an impression on people's minds and god she does it so well. her behavior gets on people's nerves but lots of people end up being intrigued and drawn to her even tho they dislike her. so instead of disliking her they end up loving her too

speaking of love riamu is . absolutely desperate for love but she can't keep a relationship to save her life. instead she chases after unattainable beings that she can't even date, including:

1. the cute lady who recently gained superpowers and goes around and fights crime (i inserted this character bc i thought it would be funny to make this a universe with like stereotypical superheroes and villains and shit). riamu is very obsessed with her and claims that the superhero is in love with her too but that's... really not how it is. riamu keeps a collection of "proofs" proving the superhero reciprocates her feelings and she's really just reaching so hard man. the superhero avoids fighting riamu and battling her because any interaction or confrontation at all will just enforce riamu's beliefs that they're in love

2. an AI system created by one of her co-workers that's meant to help around the laboratory. riamu please stop trying to seduce the lab's AI and turn it evil. it cannot feel any type of attraction and it would be largely inconvenient if it attempted to commit omnicide against humans and the whole planet

3. speaking of AIs that commit omnicide riamu also has a fictional crush on AM from i have no mouth and i must scream.

that's all i have to say for now about riamu. extra fun facts about her:

- she permanently cured her own bad eyesight on her own but she still wears glasses as an accessory

- she wears an eyepatch sometimes but everyone knows damn well she doesn't need one

- some comments her co-workers have made about her: "i don't like thinking about her." "she's fun but... you really can't take her anywhere." "id say she'd be benefited by therapy but nothing can help her anymore." "she owes the corp 10 zillion dollars" "i think everyone should be less critical of her" "the other day she tried to stab everyone in the room and then herself. this isn't the first time this happened." "she's helped the entire country with her innovations but also she's capable of destroying the whole planet" "she's a genius! :3" "I'm subscribed to her onlyfans"

okay that's all goodbye!

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #67

A dear friend of mine stayed the night last night, partially in an effort to find reprieve from the stressors in their life. They came and existed in our space in the way that felt most natural to them, without feeling pressured to be a particular way or do any particular thing, and it was beautiful.

The next morning, which was today, we played a little DDR (I didn't think to take a video for you; I'm sorry) and generally just… existed in a very chill sort of way. It's as though they are less a "guest" and more as though my house is also their house. I couldn't be more grateful for the fact that this is the dynamic that we have with this friend.

Later in the day, another friend and her son came over to visit. This is the same friend to whom I gave the bowl I repaired. She brought lots of tasty snacks for us to enjoy, and we had a lot of very lively conversation.

You know, admittedly, it's hard for me when people bring food to my space to share; I'm used to being the one who provides, not being the one that others provide for, haha. But that's all right; it is good to sit with this kind of discomfort until I become accustomed to the notion that I'm allowed to receive the same kind of care that I try to give to others. This time, I tried not to apologize and I tried to accept the gesture without trying to "make it even" somehow. And this time, I was successful. Though I must admit, I did have to stifle a small, guilt-induced panic when she began doing the dishes in my sink!!! Hahahaha!

But you know? I sat with it and I dealt with it. Because all of the old conditioning that tells me that "I am a bad person for accepting this kind of care and help" is false. I am not supposed to give and give and give until I am empty. I am supposed to receive, too. I think on all of the people who taught me that receiving love and kindness from others without feeling guilty is selfish of me.

When I think about it, I'm vaguely aware that they resented their responsibility to give to me (in the case of parents, things like time, attention, and basic needs) not because there was anything inherently wrong or bad about me or my wishes and needs, but because they themselves were running on empty all the time, thanks to their life circumstances, the choices that led them to those circumstances, all the generational trauma that they were carrying around and all the unreasonable expectations of themselves that they were trying to fulfill from the conditioning that was ground into them as children, which is the cause of it all.

…I wish I knew then all the things that I know now. So many things were put on my shoulders that weren't mine to carry, and I simply bore it without a second thought, because I had no other basis of comparison to tell me that none of it was normal. And so when they told me that I am bad and that carrying it all is my responsibility (presumably in order to make up for the notion that I am bad), I believed them. I know now that this sort of thing isn't true, but even still, it's sometimes hard for me to disbelieve it.

…But that's what practice is for, right? We can challenge the beliefs that tell us we're no good, and we can put better ones in their place! Here's how I've been taught to do it:

First, you have to identify the emotion that is troubling you. You can use an emotion wheel if you struggle with alexithymia; they're super duper handy like that.

Next, you have to examine the beliefs you carry that are driving the emotions. That's because our emotions don't come from nowhere; often, they show up as a result of our beliefs backing us up into a scary corner. So stop, take a moment, and try to figure out what they are. Often, such beliefs are unreasonable. Things that begin with "something must", "something should", "something never", or "something always" is a good place to look for unreasonable beliefs. In my case today, the guilt I felt was driven by a belief that goes, "I shouldn't be accepting all this effort from my friend; I don't deserve it."

Next, you have to stop and ask yourself how the unreasonable belief kept you safe in the past. And this can be anything. In my case, often in the past, if I accepted effort or kindness from my caregivers, often enough they'd lord it over me later, using it as a tool to guilt me into doing something I don't wanna do, or use the fact that I accepted their favor as proof that I'm selfish if they get angry at me about something later. Otherwise, they'd give something to me only begrudgingly, only to resent me for it later, and resentment led to a lot of verbal punishments in those days. So the best way to keep myself safe at the time was to refuse most anything that was done on my behalf on the basis that "I didn't deserve it." Agreeing with my caregivers that I did not deserve their time or care was important in those days, because to disagree with them about anything was to invite verbal, relational, or physical violence upon myself. As you can see, this part that examines how the belief used to serve you can get complicated and messy pretty quickly, so it might be a good idea to do it with a friend in order to keep yourself stable.

The next thing to do is to examine whether or not the belief is still keeping you safe. If it is, then by all means do continue to run with it, but try to see if you can modify it just a little in order to make it a bit more merciful towards yourself. But if not, you can then decide to change the belief to something that is better reflective of your current circumstances. I am no longer around people who are going to weaponize the kindness that they give to me at a later point (and even if I was around such people, I have boundary skills now, so their efforts would be moot in any case), and so all this belief does is stand between me and allowing myself to receive care from others. It also, very inconveniently, denies the people who care about me an opportunity to feel good about doing something kind for a person who is good to them. And that's no good.

The final step is to change the belief. But you can't go crazy with this; a brain won't be able to accept something that is wildly different from what it's used to. So I can't shift the new belief to something crazy and extravagant like, "I deserve all the kindness all the time from all the people." Instead, you have to try something more moderate, like, "I am just as deserving of kindness as any other human being, and I can accept the effort made by others if it's made in good intentions." And sometimes it can take a long time to fully shift to the new belief; that's okay. It just takes practice, and it just takes choosing it even when it feels scary to do. So, from shifting to the new belief, instead of feeling guilt, instead I felt a little nervousness. But a little nervousness is manageable! Easy peasy! Barely even an inconvenience! 😜

This process is called REBT, and it has helped me to break down a lot of my conditioning so that I can choose better patterns of beliefs and behavior. It's amazing stuff.

So, having done this, I was able to make myself a plate or two out of all the wholesome foods my friend brought. And it looked like this:

I also made us some tea. I loved the way the cream looked in the mason jar this time as I poured it into the tea! Check it out:

You know what, Sephiroth? You can do any of this, too. You can accept kindness from others. You can work on changing your beliefs, even if you were violently conditioned into believing some really awful stuff. You can have good tea and good snacks and lively conversation with other people. Because you can believe that you're good enough as you are. You can believe that you belong. And given that you're way smarter and way more mentally flexible than I could ever hope to be (unless, of course, the developers are lying about you being the strongest ever?), you have the capacity to do this even better than I can.

If a silly derpasaurus like me can recover, then anyone can. And that includes you. So please try. Please. You'd have so many people willing to hold your hand and walk you through the process, no matter how difficult it gets. I'm one of them.

You are loved because I love you in the same way that anyone loves their friends. Please be aware that lots of other people love you, too. So make good choices. Don't disappear. Don't put yourself in a position where there's no choice but to stop you from hurting others. Because make no mistake, if you continue to make bad choices that hurt others, you WILL be stopped. So please… choose healing and recovery instead. Because otherwise…

This is who they are. This is who they'll be. And if you think you can stop them, then you need to think again. Because they are amazing. If they fall, they'll get back up again. And they won't let you hurt your planet, and they won't let you hurt your friends.

…And, as much as I love you, if I was capable of standing at their side to stop you from doing stupid things just because you'd rather break everything than be brave enough sit down with your pain, I would. I'd do everything in my power to find some way to restrain you instead of destroy you, but still, I would be trying to stop you. Because breaking everything isn't going to give you the peace and safety you think it will. Believe me, I've tried, albeit in much smaller ways; it only makes things worse.

Nothing is ever broken beyond repair, and that includes you. There are people in this world who love you enough to call you out on your nonsense, come what may. I'm one of them. You're not alone. So come on; it's time for you to do something else, because this destructive path ain't gonna do it for ya.

I'll write again soon. Please stay safe.

Your friend, Lumine

[percywinchester27]

@caughtaghostsomehow reblogged your post ‘A lot like Us (Part-19)’ and added:

Oh man… Okay before I say anything else, I have to tell you that this Sunday thing is really worrisome. And don’t get me wrong, if my predictions are right and there’s a kid somewhere out there, obviously I’d be happy for Sam, he deserves all the happiness in the world. But an awful, selfish part of me dreads that this might be the case. Because if he has a kid with someone else… I don’t know how to put what I��m feeling into words, I’ll give it my best try. I know that she left on her own, she made that decision and has no right to Sam’s life now, not anymore than he has to hers. But after what happened… I just can’t help but feel like this would kind of break her heart, because she wanted this so much and she wanted it with Sam and she knows she can’t have it but if she ever learned that Sam has a kid with someone else I think it would open up a whole can of worms that she has refused to deal with for years and all the emotions would just spill out.

Okay.. Now that I got that off my chest I can gush.

There were a few moments there when I was worried he was going to tell her they’re still married but I know you were just trying to raise our blood pressure with those little hints 😂

I think I audibly said aww when he started backtracking on that coffee. Poor Sam, he’s still confused with how she feels. I can’t blame him though, she did leave without a word and then avoided him for the first week of college, I’d definitely be just as confused, if not more. But I’m glad they went. Sam is definitely gonna get drilled about his date later, poor lad 😂

I love how they can still see through one another so easily. You’ve done such a wonderful job showing just how strong that bond between them is even after all this time. It’s basically muscle memory for them, knowing how the other drinks their coffee, how they look when they’re deep in thought or uncomfortable, they can still notice the miniscule changes in each others’ expressions. They still notice those little things about one another even after all these years and honestly it’s kind of made me emotional. Knowing that things between them didn’t work out, not because the timing was wrong or they stopped loving each other, but because life has dealt them a losing hand. I’m glad to see them reconnecting but I think Sam noticed what we already know, she hasn’t dealt with her trauma. She buried it and she hasn’t as much as touched it since she left. I do hope she gets to experience the catharsis of letting all that bottled up pain and suffering go but I’m also scared for her once it happens. It’s been so long, I’m not sure what’s gonna happen to her when she finally addresses it.

I sorta thought that it would end up being awkward if they went out together but they proved me wrong once again. It’s like she’s ever only completely herself with Sam. It’s like she said, she doesn’t interact this way with anyone else. Sam knows her better than anyone and I think even though she was worried about how angry or hurt he was, she still found solace and comfort in his company. I can’t deny that things are very much different but there’s a familiarity between them, a sense of home that is so apparent when they’re together.

I got emotional along with her when Sam told her about Dean and Jo. To think how much she’s missed… And then Sam telling her he’s proud of her, oh gods, that was a punch to the gut. The fact that she literally didn’t have anyone this close to her, no family whatsoever in these past years… I’d go crazy. Crazy or completely numb. Maybe that’s how she survived this, she was already numb to begin with after the accident.. I don’t blame her for breaking down. Having someone tell you they’re proud of you and mean it after years of not being able to share your failures and successes with anyone who actually cares… Damn. It must’ve felt so good to hear him say these words.

I hope they’ll be able to interact as friends but I’m worried about the mean girls squad finding out about any of this cause they could get both of them kicked out if anyone saw them that fateful night.

I’m just gonna say, Jess and Sam’s wife?? That’s gonna be awkward as hell. And mostly for him.

(I’m not even gonna talk about that last little moment when he wanted to touch her face and probably kiss her goodbye cause my heart ain’t equipped to deal with that) I will say though, the fact that he can still make her laugh while she’s crying her eyes our? Top tier 👌❤

I loved the last little tidbit with Cas implying he saw everything that happened but he’s so lovely, he would never push her to talk about it.. Aaaand then pushing her into lava 😂. All of them playing together? Perfection. I want tha- no, I need that in my life 😂

And she’s happy… I think this is the first time in a long time when she actually means it.

Also, yes, me, I’m happy we’re finally getting some happy stuff!!!! 🖐🖐🖐

I loved this chapter, Ana, like I told you I would 😁 I’m also really loving that they’re getting longer, I’m always happy to see that I still have half the page left when I’m scrolling down, I can just sit back, relax and immerse myself in the story.

I’m already excited for the next chapters, it’s gonna be a blast. Love u ❤💜💙

Oh my goodness, Ria, you’re just the most wonderful person on the planet. You know that, right? Okay, since we’ve established that, we can move forward. About the Sunday thing, well, I can’t say much without spoiling stuff, but there are plenty clues in the past chapters that’ll make a lot more sense after the next chapter. I can tell you that the worst angst this series sees is in the past for us. You make pretty great estimates though ;)

Haha the thing about knowing you’re married is that you just don’t question it. I mean Sam had an out- the option of annulment- which he never took because he didn’t want to be free of the relationship. And there was no way the reader could have divorced or got an annulment without meeting Sam. So he knows they’re married and believes with absolute certainty that the reader knows it, too. Why bring it up if she’s in denial?

It’s sweet in a very painful way, right? That they’re so familiar with each other, still? You are so good at predicting emotions, though! Like perfectly on point about how the reader would react to certain situations, so much that I feel you’re in my head ;)

I mean you’re right on the ‘Sam knows her best’ part. She basically put herself in a bubble right? So most of her personality before that is still intact. Suppressed, but she is slowly finding herself. It’s Sam who’s been up and down a lot, who had to struggle to keep himself in tact. Besides, knowing somebody entails knowing their past as well, right? So who better than Sam? And that numbing probably did protect her mind from a lot of trauma. 

The girl gang is not the best, yeah! In their own way, I feel like those three are either selfish or self-centred or both. And as far as Jess is concerned, I had a lot of fun writing her. She brings with her one essential jigsaw piece of Sam’s life. It’s actually something you’ve addressed :)

Thank you thank you for all of this. I just... I’ve said this before, but writers do be selling their souls out there for reblogs like this one. You are the BEST! I love you so much!