#and I really just don't deserve them with the way ive been acting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

purple-babygirl · 1 year ago

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don't call me daddy IV

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x little!f!reader

Word count: 5,540

Summary : In a world where littles are openly themselves, they volunteer to help and be helped by willing caregivers. In spite of himself, Bucky finds himself stuck with one and to keep the nagging away, he has to learn how to be around her with everything that that entails.

Warnings: crying, a flu, coughing, shots, age regression

A/N: forgive me for the lateness with this one. i was very sick, like bed-ridden sick, and when i got a little better i got to writing right away. please be kind to me with this one, i'm still high on meds:" please enjoy xx💜💜

“Call me daddy.”

“What?” She was suddenly pulling away as if Bucky was made up of scorching metal.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” He asked with a small smile, wiping any residue tears on his face.

What she wanted… he was only suggesting that she called him daddy because he thought it was what she wanted? Was this his way of returning the favor because she hugged him after a nightmare?

Now she was really hurt.

Bucky was unknowingly emphasizing the fact that he didn’t want this type of relationship, didn’t want her. He was only doing it to show gratitude.

“No.” She shook her head, getting up from the floor.

“No?” Bucky was genuinely confused as he followed her with his eyes.

He thought he was finally making things right, giving her what she wanted.

“I wanna go back.”

“What?!”

“I wanna go back, please take me back.” Her voice wasn’t even sad or frantic, only small and disheartened.

“Back where?! The couch is right there if you wanna go!” Bucky became angry again.

He felt rejected and he felt small. Was it his touch that made her pull back? Was it the daddy thing? Was he so repulsive?

“No, back, out of here.”

“Back where?! It’s the middle of the night!” Bucky raised his voice in frustration, the nightmare nerves barely out of his body.

Has she lost her mind? Why was she acting like this now? What was he supposed to do to please her and her little mind?

“Take me back to Mrs. Morrison,” she insisted calmly as she collected her slippers and stashed them back in her bag.

He looked at her with wide eyes and an open mouth, not getting what happened or where he went wrong.

She wasn’t even tearing up, it was like a switch has flipped inside of her.

“Just— just talk to me, okay? What happened?” Bucky fervently needed her to stop, needed to understand.

“Bucky was right. This isn’t gonna work. Please just take me back.”

Her words reopened Bucky’s wounds that her sweet gestures had once closed. What did she mean “isn’t gonna work”? Was he just deemed irredeemable? Again?

“But why?!”

“I just wanna go back.” Was all she gave him; no explanation and no reasons.

Bucky wouldn’t understand.

“You know what? Fine! I’ll take you back first thing in the morning. Go back to the fucking couch, stay away from me!”

She silently got the wolf stuffie, leaving it on the kitchen counter, and went back, no crying and no trials to correct him on his choice of bad words.

Did she really want to leave? Was she really going to leave him come morning?

When it was lit up enough, Bucky went for a run, trying to blow off some steam because he felt like he was about to explode.

Why did he let her in? He shouldn’t have done that. She didn’t deserve to get this close, no one did.

Did he seriously think he was accepted and understood by this stranger after 7 days of time together?

No matter what the purpose she was serving was, she could never understand how hard Bucky had had it.

Still, something kept pulling him to her. Something inside of him didn’t want her to leave him. Not now that he was used to her; that he wanted to be used to her.

It's been only a week and Bucky was ready to give human relationships another chance. She made him feel like healing wasn’t a faraway dream.

He was going to try and talk to her one last time and if she still wanted to leave, he would gladly let her.

When he opened his door, she was dressed and waiting for Bucky on the couch, ready to go.

“So you were serious about leaving?” Bucky asks as he kicks his shoes off.

“Yes. Bucky is gonna take me back, right?”

“If that’s really what you want?”

She didn’t trust her voice so she just nodded.

“Why?”

“Just because.”

“Talk to me like I’m talking to you!” Bucky snapped.

She remained silent this time, not ready for a fight.

“Why do you wanna leave? What did I do?”

“Bucky didn’t do anything.”

“Then what is it?!”

“That is it.”

“What?!”

“Bucky didn’t do anything. Bucky didn’t even look at Doll’s file. Bucky never even called Doll Doll.” Only now did her tears come back, rolling down her cheeks with ease as she spilled out all that she’s been holding inside of her, “Bucky never wanted Doll.”

“I— I didn’t have time to look at the file. We were in a hurry so I picked the first one in the batch!” Bucky tried to explain, but quickly realized what he'd said.

A sob escaped her at the revelation that she was picked at random, that it could’ve been anyone else and that he really never wanted her.

“That’s not what I meant. I— listen, at first maybe I didn’t want you, but it’s different now!”

“Bucky never even picked me?” She cried, her broken voice crushing his heart.

“I—”

“Please take me back.” She wiped at her face, trying to steady her breathing.

“But—”

“Please, Bucky, please.”

The way she begged him with teary eyes and a shaky voice made Bucky stand up despite himself to put his shoes back on to take her back.

He might’ve not gotten a chance to explain himself, but he’s done her enough damage and he wasn’t going to continue being the reason she cried when she has been the reason he stopped.

“Let’s go.” Bucky pursed his lips and opened the door for her, her bag in hand, knowing it will never be the same when he came back.

“Doll, now that you’re big at least tell me anything, dear. Did he do anything—”

“He didn’t do anything, Mrs. Morrison. I promise you. Bucky was nothing but a gentleman with me.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing. I just think I wasn’t ready. I shouldn’t have listed my little self as ready.” She shook her head with a polite smile.

Mrs. Morrison wasn’t buying it, but she couldn’t push her anymore.

“Alright, dear. I’ll go finish the report so Bucky’s therapist can get her copy in the morning.”

“Mrs. Morrison, please,” she held the older woman’s hand imploringly, “Bucky didn’t do but good. Make sure you’re just to him in your report.”

“Okay, doll. Whatever you say, dear.” She woman shook her head, giving up the argument before standing up and leaving the room.

It wasn’t the full truth, but she did believe she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t going to be ready for a long time, so it was better if she just went back home and let herself be grounded a little.

“Please, I need to see her.” Bucky begged in front of Mrs. Morrison’s desk.

“Not before you tell me what you did to her, Mr. Barnes!”

“I— I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s what she said too, but I know it’s not the truth!”

“Wait, what? I— please let me see her.”

“She’s not here, Sergeant Barnes.”

“What? Where is she?”

“Home,” the woman replied shortly, still mad at Bucky.

“I thought that was where they lived?”

The woman shook her head in disappointment, “you never read your copy of the file, did you?”

Bucky remained silent, too embarrassed to speak. Why did everyone keep asking about the damn file!

“No, they don’t live here. She went back to her life at her house.”

“Well, can you give me the address?”

“Of course, not! That’s private information and you two don’t even seem to have ended on good terms!”

“Please? I need to fix this.”

“You already had time to do that, Mr. Barnes.”

“Well… At least give me a chance to apologize.”

“I don’t know.” The woman hesitated.

“Please, I’ll do anything.” Bucky begged sincerely.

“Anything?” Mrs. Morrison smiled suddenly, making Bucky worry a little, but he meant his words nonetheless.

“Anything.”

“Corgi, calm down!” Bucky heard her sweet laugh as she approached the dog’s barks.

“You call your corgi Corgi?” He asked her with a smile.

“Bucky, what are you doing here?” Her smile quickly disappeared and a surprised frown replaced it.

“I—”

“Okay, I finished moving the new planters to the right side like you wanted— hello?” The man who cut Bucky off was offering him a hand.

Bucky shook it coldly, his signature frown staring the man down, “hey.”

“I’m Adam,” the man said with a friendly smile.

“Sergeant James Barnes.”

“Bucky, this is Adam, my best friend and neighbor, Adam, this is Bucky… a friend.” She introduced them, not sure of what to say about Bucky.

Meanwhile, Bucky felt something weigh down on him. Was it the fact that he wished she said more than just “a friend”? Was it the presence of this Adam guy? Was that… jealousy?!

“Right, so I’m gonna go now, but call me if you need anything, okay?” Adam said, looking at them both suspiciously.

“I will. Thank you for today, Adam. You’re the best.” She gave the man a hug, smiling from ear to ear as she did it, too.

That was a smile Bucky has never seen.

“I know I know. Bye, Corgi! Bye, Sergeant, nice to meet you!” Adam shouted as he walked out of her porch.

Bucky only nodded even though he knew the man couldn’t see him. He didn’t care if he was rude. Who was that anyway?

She was expecting Bucky to talk when Adam was gone but he just stood there, fiddling with the bag in his hand as he stared at her, so she didn’t say anything either.

She was done initiating. If he came all the way here on his own, he could start a conversation on his own.

“Who was that?”

“Really? You came all the way here to ask me that?”

He stuttered and swallowed, knowing fully well that he had no right to such a question.

“You seem different.”

“You mean big?” She smiled sadly, noticing how much more comfortable Bucky was dealing with her like that.

Bucky nodded guiltily, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, I do have a life and responsibilities after all.” She shrugged, gesturing to her house and the puppy by her feet.

She was disappointed to say the least. First, he gave her a terrible week with him, then he returned her and never looked back and now he was on her porch for no clear reason or explanation, questioning her and her life?

Still, she felt a spark of hope in her chest at the fact that he was standing before her. There must’ve been a reason he came and it couldn’t be so he could fight more.

Bucky felt embarrassed, tongue-tied with guilt as he’s forgotten everything he has been wanting to say.

Then the sky started speaking for him, thundering loudly and making her jump with a hand on her heart.

“Oh, it’s gonna rain. Let’s go inside.”

For some reason, he assumed she was talking to the puppy but when she kept looking at him, Bucky gratefully moved his feet.

Her house was the epitome of coziness. It was a true home and it was nothing like Bucky’s.

It had actual furniture, colorful pieces he knew were carefully picked. It had wallpaper and picture frames and kitchenware and cute mugs and plates.

Only now did he know how much shit she could’ve given him for the place he made her stay in, but she didn’t.

“Bucky!”

“Yes?”

“I asked about your favorite tea.” She smiled, motioning to a number of varieties on her shelves.

“A coffee would be fine.”

“I’ll just make you earl grey with me.” She shrugged, ignoring his choice for a coffee at this relatively late hour of the evening.

“Hey!”

“It’s my house, my rules, old man!”

Wow! Big her was kind of feisty and it was making Bucky smile.

“What do you have there?” She asked, looking at the small plastic bag that Bucky’s been carrying in his hand.

“Oh, I— this is for you.” He handed her the bag, cheeks burning as he was still brand new when it came to such gestures.

“Oreos! And wolfie!” She called out happily when she looked inside the bag, “thank you so much!” She squeezed the tips of his fingers, smiling at him like he’d gotten her a rare diamond.

When she let go of his hand to open the package and taste the cookies, Bucky felt fear settle in his chest at the idea of having lost her forever.

He watched her try to hide the hug she was giving the white stuffed wolf before slipping it to her curious dog, “careful, Corgi.”

She didn’t lecture or blame him about his treatment of her, yes, nor did she even bring up the week she stayed at his house, but would she be willing to forgive him? Would she give him another chance?

Instead of screaming at him, she was sitting him down on a comfortable couch that had a soft blanket draped over it and serving him tea and cake. What kind of angel was she?

“If you don’t like it, I’ll make you coffee. But taste it first,” she set the tray with tea cups and a plate with a couple of cake slices on the little wooden coffee table and Bucky knew the smell of this tray was the only thing missing from her living room.

Now it was all perfect. It suited her so well.

“I made lime key cake this morning so you’re in luck. It goes really well with earl grey,” she told him, trying to get him to talk, to tell her why he was at her place a week later at 9 in the evening.

But he only nodded.

She didn’t push him. She has done enough coaxing and enough pushing. She didn’t have to do that anymore. If Bucky wanted to talk, he would have to talk on his own.

But he didn’t.

An hour later, she was getting sleepy and the rain was pouring even harder.

“I— I better go.” He stood up, patting his pockets nervously as if to make sure his belongings were in place.

So he came all the way here for nothing? He found her house and rode on his motorcycle all the way here for nothing?

“No way, you can’t drive your motor cycle in this rain!”

“I’m a super soldier, I don’t get sick,” Bucky argued with a smile, heart swelling at the idea that she still cared for him.

“I don’t care. The roads are slippery. It’s dangerous!”

“But—”

“No buts. You can have my bed, let me show you the room,” she said, never giving him space for a reply as she led the way to her bedroom.

“You really don’t have to. I can take the couch.” Or the floor

“The couch is mine. Corgi cries at night and doesn’t like to sleep alone. He’s still just a puppy.”

“Why don’t you just move his crate to your bedroom?”

“Because there’s a system in this house, Sergeant. We’re disciplined people.” She smiled playfully, “good night.”

And just like that, Bucky was alone in her bedroom, with her bed and sheets and blankets, where all the pillows smelled like her hair shampoo and the air was light and sweet. He was in heaven.

Bucky took his jacket off, draping it over the armchair by her vanity and her perfumes caught his eye.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t help himself as he picked up the first bottle and neared it to his nose.

Oh, lord, was this sexy. He imagined himself eating her up if he was to smell this perfume on her skin. It was captivating and it went well with her playful grown up personality.

He tried another bottle and it was a softer scent that he knew all too well. It was the one she wore when she was staying at his house. It smelt angelic, soft and welcoming.

Bucky had to stop himself from going down the line of perfumes because he didn’t think he could keep going.

He’d better go to bed and try to catch a few hours of sleep before the mind attacks started.

Grabbing a pillow that smelled like her, Bucky made himself as comfortable as could be on the wooden floor next to her bed, draping her overly soft blanket on his body.

“You call it a disciplined house but you don’t even have a dining table,” Bucky teased as he helped her bring the rest of the plates to the coffee table.

He was right actually. She lied last night. She could easily take Corgi to the bedroom with her, but what kind of hospitality would that be to give Bucky the couch when it was his first time visiting?

“At least my coffee table has space for more than 2 noodle cups,” she teased right back, hardly biting a smile.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at her sassiness, smiling like an idiot at how easy she made everything.

Talking was easy around her. Existing was easy around her. Breathing was easy around her. And oh did he miss her.

“So…” she trailed, pouring orange juice in Bucky’s glass.

She couldn’t stay silent anymore. She had to understand why Bucky found her house and came to her after he’d clearly proven he didn’t want her. She wanted and tried to be the bigger person, but if he had something to say, she was ready to hear it now.

“I— I came here to say I’m sorry,” Bucky finally said the words that have been sitting on the back of his tongue for so long.

“Bucky…” she locked her eyes with his for a second, unable to read him, “you didn’t have to come all the way here. I didn’t tell Mrs. Morrison anything.”

The way she reassured him broke his heart. It was as if she wholeheartedly believed that all Bucky cared about was the final report.

But he cared about so much more. He cared about fixing this. He cared about her.

“I know. I did.”

“What?!”

“I told her everything.”

“Bucky— why?”

“I had to make it right.”

“Well, what did she say?” She chewed her lower lip nervously, worried everything has been ruined for Bucky.

“She made me serve a few hours at the institution and only when she got everyone’s approval did she agree to give me your address.”

“Everyone’s approval of what?” She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“Of my storytelling skills,” Bucky replied proudly, putting some cheese on her plate for her when he noticed her freeze.

“Your storytelling— what?!” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, a huge smile breaking on her face.

“I spent a few nights reading bedtime stories to the residents there and I’ll have you know I did a pretty good job, though most of them wanted lullabies so I stole some of yours—”

“Hold on! You, Bucky Barnes, read bedtime stories and sang lullabies to littles at the institution?”

“Yes, I did.” Bucky nodded with a shrug.

“You did all of this so you could have my address?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I missed you, doll.”

“Doll?” Her eyes instantly teared up at the sole use of the name coming from him.

“And to tell you that I got to meet everyone that was available at the same time you were and none of them could ever compare. They’re all amazing people, but none of them made me feel like you’ve made me feel in that short week,” Bucky admitted softly, eyes hesitant to leave his fingers.

“I was terrible to you and you didn’t deserve any of it. I’m sorry. I know now that I should’ve been better.”

“Bucky, it’s okay,” she said with a content smile, simply satisfied with his presence as she passed him the bread. That apology was genuinely enough for her.

“No, doll, it’s not. I— I did the opposite of everything a caregiver should’ve done. It's just… you made me nervous, scared.” Bucky admitted.

“I scared you?” She scoffed in surprise. She wasn’t expecting this one.

“Yes. The way you were fully yourself, the way you weren’t afraid to show it, the way you did the effort to relieve yourself of whatever you were suffering from, it all scared me. How you openly cried when you needed to. It scared me because I didn’t know how to be like you. I didn’t know how to choose trust and kindness again after everything that had happened to me. Your courage scared me.”

“Oh, Bucky.” Tears rolled down her face as she desperately felt the need to hold him and kiss every inch of him better, “why didn’t you talk to me? I would’ve understood.”

“I tried… that day… but talking about it made me wanna close up on myself even more. It made me more scared. It wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy. And I can’t help it,” Bucky’s voice trembled as he fought his own tears.

He couldn’t believe he said those words out loud to someone else.

She left her seat and went to sit next to Bucky on the couch, her hands finding his and holding onto them for dear life.

“But when I came home to an empty living room after dropping you off at the institution, I knew what I'd lost. I realized what an asshole I’ve been to you. And I missed you. I missed you so much when I closed the door and you weren’t on the couch looking at me,” he poured his heart out to her with tears in his eyes.

She squeezed his hand more, trying to hug his fingers with hers but they were too short to fully cover his hands.

“You don’t have to give me another chance, but I felt like I could’ve died if I didn’t tell you how sorry I was and am. I’m sorry I didn’t give myself time to understand you and appreciate you for everything that you were, doll. I’m sorry I was so stupid and let you slip away from my hands. I’m sorry I was undeserving of your kindness and softness and love,” Bucky told her with tears pouring down his face, matching hers as she finally got to listen to all that he had to say.

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to be a good daddy to you and I’m sorry I didn’t try to learn. It’s all my fault because you, doll, deserve someone who would bust their ass trying for you,” Bucky sighed, “but if you’d let me, I’ll spend as much time as you’ll allow me doing that.”

“Thank you for finding me.” She threw herself in his arms and Bucky felt his soul come back to him as he held her tight to his body.

“Thank you for welcoming me back in despite everything I’ve put you through. I know I don’t deserve it.” Bucky squeezed her closer, the smell of her hair calming his senses.

“You’re welcome.” She pulled back to wipe his tears away, giving him a smile prettier than anything he’s ever seen, “now let’s eat before the eggs go cold.” She wiped her eyes quickly before grabbing the spoon and putting some eggs on Bucky’s plate.

“Does that smile mean you forgive me, doll?” Bucky asked hopefully.

“I forgive you, Sarge.” She smiled at him, what was in her heart showing in her eyes.

“You won’t regret it,” he promised, putting some food in his mouth to stop any upcoming tears.

They ate silently in peace for a second before Bucky spoke out.

“Seriously though, who was that Adam guy?!”

“Way to ruin a moment, Bucky,” she teased.

But Bucky didn’t smile. He remained silent waiting for her answer with a tiny frown.

“I told you he’s my best friend and he lives next door.”

Bucky’s frown deepened slightly. So that man got to see her every day huh?

“With his wife,” she added, biting back a smile as she watched his face relax.

“Don’t toy with me like that, doll.”

“I couldn’t help it. This is all new to me and I’m having fun!”

“Does he come here a lot?”

“Yes, Bucky. It’s what friends do, they visit,” she laughed.

“I don’t see Sam that often and we’re fine.” He shrugged unconvincingly, making her laugh more.

“He’s a good man, you’ll come to like him. Plus, he helped me a lot those past weeks and took care of my garden and Corgi while I was away so I owe him.”

“So I’m seeing a farmer now?” Bucky teased.

“Oh look who’s not so quiet anymore!” She teased back with a giggle, “at least my fridge never runs out of tomatoes.”

“Can I ask you something?” Bucky asked, his face serious again.

She nodded in reply, a smile gracing her patient features.

“Why did it bother you so much when I told you to call me daddy?”

She hummed, letting go of her fork.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna answ—”

“It made me feel like you were returning a favor. Doing something because you felt like you had to do it, like it was the right thing to do, but not because you really wanted it. Yes, I wanted to call you daddy with my whole heart, but only if you wanted it too. It hurt because at the time I knew you still hadn’t accepted me for who I was and was just saying that so you could repay me for the hug I was giving you.”

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky shock his head in remorse, “I will never understand how you managed to put up with me for a whole week.”

“It’s because I know what it’s like to feel unwanted, Bucky. I know what it feels like to be unloved and unaccepted, especially by those who should give you unconditional love.”

“Family?” Bucky asked with a sad smile.

She nodded with a similar smile, “I know what it’s like to be more than your pain and anger with others only seeing the snapping and frowning. Little me doesn’t want anyone else to feel unloved like that because she knows how bad it all is. So she gives. She’s patient and she’s kind and sometimes I don’t think I could’ve accessed that part of myself if it wasn’t for her.”

“How so?”

“Grown ups are more cautious because they always have the consequences to things like vulnerability right in front of their eyes. We’re more likely to be afraid to show our hearts because we know we could get hurt bad because of it. Little me isn’t scared of that. She wakes up brand new every day. She wears her heart on her sleeve and trusts her love to do the magic.”

“You’re an amazing person.” Bucky raised her hand to his lips to press a timid kiss without much thought, “I guess I have a lot to learn from you, doll.”

“Don’t say stuff like that!” She whined playfully, cheeks going hot as she turned away shyly, “plus, do you have a death wish?” She raised a playful eyebrow.

“It’s true though— what?”

“I didn’t give you permission to kiss me,” she teased, reminding him of the time she kissed his cheek on her first day at his house.

Bucky smiled sheepishly, whispering out an apology even though he knew she was joking.

Bucky stopped himself when she started coughing abruptly.

She’s been coughing a little here and there since morning, but he didn’t think anything of it.

She shook her head, still coughing as she ran to the bathroom, needing to find any sort of cold medicine. She knew what this was.

Bucky hurried behind her, “what’s wrong?”

In a second, she was bending forward, coughing her heart out.

“Are you okay?!”

She shook her head again, trying to calm down, “I thought it was just a sore throat but it’s getting worse.”

“Let’s get you to the doctor,” Bucky said, worry eating away inside his chest as he watched her cough more.

He quickly grabbed her jacket and keys, leading her out to her car.

“It’s because I let you sleep on the couch, isn’t it? You got cold,” Bucky said, running his fingers through his hair nervously as he paced around the room.

He hasn’t stopped blaming himself since they’d returned from the doctor’s. She caught a bad flu and Bucky quickly believed it was his fault.

“No, Bucky. It’s not that.”

“You don’t have to defend me, doll. It’s because of me. I’ve managed to hurt you again. And I don’t even use beds. I should’ve never let you sleep out here.”

“Hey! Calm down please! It’s not you... It was me.” She released a sigh, biting her lip.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when the rain got even worse after you went to bed. I thought I’d come out and cover the motorcycle so that it wouldn’t get all muddy and you’d have a hard time cleaning it,” she explained, fiddling with her fingers.

“That’s still because of me,” Bucky sighed.

“Come on, it’s not like you made me!” Her hoarse voice tried to reassure.

Bucky only ran his fingers through his messy hair again, not knowing what to say or do to make this one right.

“Bucky, please, I’m sick. All I want is for you to stay beside me and not blame yourself.” Her frown was back to her beautiful face and Bucky didn’t like it, “can you do that for me?”

He didn’t like how sick and scratchy her voice sounded either so he wasn’t about to make talk more with a throat like that.

“I’ve already proven I suck at taking care of you, doll,” Bucky chuckled sadly.

“Do you want forgiveness or not?” She joked.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’m right here.”

“Is it dangerous for you though? I don’t want you to get it too.”

“I can’t get sick, remember?” Bucky smiled, rubbing her back lightly, “I’m your nurse now.”

“Is that so?” She giggled.

“Yeah.” He nodded confidently.

“You’re definitely not dressed for it,” she teased, giving him her tongue.

“Oh, are you into that kinda thing, doll?” He raised an eyebrow, a playful smile she has never seen before on his pink lips.

“Bucky!” She squealed, hiding her face with the covers, making Bucky laugh.

The sound was heaven to her ears and despite being awfully sick, she couldn’t wish for a better outcome for Bucky’s visit.

“Shit, here it comes again,” she gulped before starting another fit of harsh coughing.

“Bad word,” he whispered to her, making her smile tiredly as she continued coughing.

“I don’t wanna go,” she whined as Bucky gently forced her arm inside her jacket.

“We have to. You need your shots to get better.” Bucky covered her head with the hood of her jacket to make sure she was warm before leading her outside.

“But shots hurt,” she whined more with teary eyes.

“I’ll be right there, remember?”

“That’s not gonna do anything!” She whined further.

“Hey!” Bucky pretended to be hurt as he helped her inside the car.

She sighed with a grateful smile, “fine, hugs or I don’t go.”

“Hugs it is.” Bucky smiled back, taking seat next to her before starting the car.

“No, no, no, please. I’m not ready, I don’t want it. Give me pills instead, give me pills,” she cried in Bucky’s chest as she saw the doctor get the shot ready.

“Doll, it’s okay, I promise. I got you,” Bucky said, feeling as helpless as ever.

He wished he could get the shots for her, but it wasn’t possible. He could feel something different about her. She looked like she was slipping into her little headspace and it made Bucky nervous, oh so nervous, that he might mess up and not be able to deal with her again.

She barely calmed down enough for Bucky to help her small hands lower her pants just enough for the doctor to have space to push the needle in.

She moaned in pain as she hid her face in Bucky’s chest, crying for real when she felt the strong medicine inside the needle spread inside her.

“It stings. It stings bad,” she sobbed, hands clutching Bucky’s shirt as he covered her behind again and made sure she was properly covered.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. We’re going home now, it’s over,” Bucky cooed, rubbing and patting her back with his big hand.

“It hurts, daddy,” she sniveled in his ear and Bucky froze.

Those innocent teary eyes looking up at him like that made him feel a lot of things. But most importantly, they made him feel like he could do this. He could take care of this sweet girl without messing up this time. Her love would show him how.

“I got you, doll. Daddy’s got you.”

part V

Tag List:

@harrysthiccthighss

@tinystudentfirepurse

@lavendercitizen

@tumblin-theworldaway

@pretty-pop-princess-hs

@lilymurphy03

@idontwannagomrstarkk

@glxwingrxse

@littlelioncub43

@mathletemadison

@canned-rootbear

@pandaxnienke

@loveisallyouneed1125

@floral-recs

@littlemoonkiller

@hallecarey1

@vespasianphantom

@vicmc624

@winters1917

@ionlyeverwantedtobeyourequal

@blkmystery

@millercontracting

@trappedwriter

@am-3-thyst

@obsessedwithquinn

@sydnielauryn

@alittlerayof-pitchblack

@olipiaa

@peterparkersgirl-blog

@buckybarnessweetheart

@thealyrs

@colorfulbluebirdpainter

@stuckysgirl27

@ihavetwoholesforareason

@princess-bee0

@pastel-noah168

@steeph-aniie

@buckitostan

@onthr-dream

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floofyflowers · 4 months ago

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HI ive been brainrotting so could i req naib romantic hcs please?

hi, hope you're having a wonderful start to 2025, lovie! it's been a while, hasn't it? (so sorry i am two years late on this!)

naib subedar x gn!reader - general romantic headcanons ❤️

implied ptsd (naib's), but nothing blatantly discussed!

you're the most wonderful thing to have happened to him in the longest time. he truly, truly treasures you and deeply so.

he's a quiet lover; he'd rather let his actions speak louder, making up for his sparsity in words.

that being said, he loves doing things for you!! oh, you're feeling down today? he soon appears with your favorite drink in hand, holding it out to you, made with his own love.

(/nsx) too tired to bathe yourself? don't worry, he's gently scrubbing your back after a long day.

sometimes, he does struggle with voicing everything he feels.

the love he holds for you runs so deep, yet he could never bring himself to find a way to voice that. all he can do is hope you spot the soft adoration in his eyes as he gazes upon you.

he truly doesn't mean to make you feel unloved; if you asked him to, he would do his best to try affirming his love out loud more often.

his 'i love you's are soft-spoken, a quiet murmur in your ear as the two of you hold each other in bed.

he often gets nightmares, and you have to gently remind him that he can rely on you for comfort. you urge him to wake you up, and he softly hums in acknowledgement; in the end, it's not until much later in your relationship does he let himself wake you up.

in the earlier stages of your relationship, he felt a little guilty. he felt undeserving of your love, of finding solace in you. he believed he was the last person to deserve you.

through your love and time, though, he slowly (very slowly) grows more comfortable in the idea of being loved by you (very, very slowly, though) (did i put enough emphasis on how slow it takes)

you teach him how to look at the world with a little more love, and he teaches you how to take it all a little more slowly :)

in a normal life, outside of the manor, he'd most certainly have a picture of you in his wallet. if someone were to ask about it, he'd tell them that's his spouse/wife/husband.

only lets you mess with his hair!! oh my goodness, his hair is so soft. he doesn't really invest in haircare, but it's still so, so soft and nice. he'd let you braid it, style it, accessorize it, whatever you want (but only behind closed doors).

his love is written in the soft look he has on his face when watching you, in the comforting hold of his hand on your waist, in the little and not-so-little acts he does for you.

speaking of, while it's not his biggest love language, he likes physical touch. he'd rather give it than receive it, but he doesn't mind if you yourself are touchy (i think he just doesn't like being caught off-guard; spontaneous hugs from behind would be a no-go for quiet some time)

he likes caressing your hand, though :) he enjoys cupping the side of your face to observe your features, the face of his beloved.

love lit by candlelight, quiet moments in bed, gentle kisses on the palm of your hand; your love is a soft one :)

not proofread read at all! definitely could do better, and i honestly really liked writing for naib, so i might come back to him again...

#idv x reader #identity v x reader #naib subedar x reader #idv mercenary x reader #mercenary x reader #idv mercenary

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plasmara · 11 days ago

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Ive been living vicariously through your and many others s3 pt2 conversations cuz I didn't get to watch the leaks before they get sniped and all I can say is:

Based on what I'm reading it seems like the ninja are shaming Jay anytime he acts like Rogue and Praising him anytime he does something they can easily attribute to his old identity

Basically they are living up to the many allegations that folks (including me) expected them too, denying his current identity while constantly talking about who he was before

Like damn yall it's no wonder he doesn't trust you.

Even if they don't mean to, for Jay, it blatantly looks like they don't care about HIM, who he is of the present. All they care about is who he was before. They don't accept him as he like many of us thought they did after pt1, they are trying to erase him.

yes . anytime he does anything og jay wouldn’t have done (or the jay that exists in their minds anyways) they’re visibly upset or disappointed. and it’s like. from jay’s pov WHY ON EARTH would he ever want to be around these people who he seemingly just keeps letting down

and it’s even Worse because the ninja aren’t just clinging to an old version of jay. they’re actively erasing the person he’s become. every time they say something about him being a ninja or treat his new life like some temporary phase, they’re telling him over and over and over again “the only version of you that deserves love is the one that served us”

not the one who clawed his way out of hell. not the one who had to rebuild himself from scratch. just the one who made them comfortable

and its soooo so cruel . because jay’s entire arc right now is about trying to survive for himself,, trying to exist outside of the expectations people keep forcing onto him, becoming his own person separate from what others have told him so far, and the people who are supposed to love him the most are the ones making it impossible. like how can he believe these people actually ever loved him. and actually. Ohhhh actually. they’re doing what ras did, in a roundabout way. imposing their own beliefs onto him to get him to help them. direct parallel of ras feeding him his beliefs to get him to fight at the tournament, compared to the ninja feeding him THEIR belief that fighting for the greater good is important to get him to stay and help

they’re proving that they don’t love him. they love a memory, and repeatedly remind him of that, and then they wonder why he won’t let them close ??!,!,!?!?!

And if they really loved him, they would have mourned the boy they lost and chosen to love the man standing in front of them now. but instead they’re treating him as some kind of inconvenience in his own life

#damn #jay if i was u i would walk away and never come back #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago dragons rising spoilers #ninjago leaks #if u think about it objectively the ninja suck #like bruh this is a person you’ve loved and cared for for YEARS #at least give him a second to start to trust y’all #jay walker

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tidalfoam · 2 months ago

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a new lamb drop whaaat?

Lambic, or Lam, bearer of the red crown. My non-swapped AU i've been sitting on and not posted about because i really wanted to get a solid foundation for their story.

When the Bishops came for the sheepfolk, Lambic and their family went on the run. They tried desperately to get away, but the world was closing in on them. Fearful for their own life, Lambic committed the ultimate act of betrayal and cowardice. They turned on their own kind.

Lambic surrendered the information to a disciple of the Bishops in exchange for their own life. Their family was found and subsequently slaughtered. This was not a decision they were proud of, and as the reality of what they had done sank in, and the guilt became too overwhelming, Lambic surrendered themselves to the axe of the Bishops. The last of the lambs came to the executioner aware that they deserved this death.

Instead of eternal damnation, they found themselves at the feet of the God of Death, The One Who Waits, Narinder. The last lamb, traitor to their kind, was offered a chance at redemption. To atone for their sin and betrayal, they would take out the Bishops of the Old Faith as the vessel of TOWW.

Lambic's character has been a lot of fun to work with. My mopey little emo kid. I have so much lore for them, and so many ideas. its nice to finally put this out there.

Quick Facts:

-They/Them -roughly late 20's when executed, they don't know exactly - bi What's important to me for this AU is Lambic's drive and motivation. Their feelings towards themself, the reason they do what they do. They know what they've done is horrible, and they dedicate themselves endlessly to their cult and to the crusade against the old faith. To the point that they regularly ignore their own needs. I can't even explain it all right now. Absolutely more to come im foaming at the mouth over them. Their relationship with Narinder is... complicated and not great AT ALL, and their growth over time as individuals and as a (future) couple is kjajhdsfajkf. I can't. I can't wait to share more with yall i hope you love them as much as i do though thats probably impossible i love my damaged lil sad baby

in no way does this mean im abandoning Fates i still love them ive just been sitting on my hands for this and ive wanted to work on it for so long and motivation from friends encouraged me to go ahead with it

#atonement au #my art #cotl #cult of the lamb #Lambic is my favorite beer thats how they got their name btw #hehehehehehe #cotl au #cotl lamb #cotl fanart

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danileepearce · 3 months ago

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hey, do u miss forums

ive been meaning to post here for what feels like forever, but i've been so busy for so long now that i've just forgotten to until now

from october to november i got heavily involved with building a forum website alongside 5 others, as a very deliberate return to creating a new internet third space at a time where we are sorely lacking in them. it's called "yellowtealpurple.net." (link in image)

this site is built and designed with the intent of making a space for artists and creatives who don't want to deal with the chaos and uncertainty of social media. its entirely self owned and funded with yours truly as one of the central admins under the alias of "dani_phantump". its meant to be a guaranteed space where creatives can share their work and know that it will be seen, as well as a space meant to intentionally nurture a close sense of community online, which i also feel we are sorely lacking in the present day.

we also have a very clearly outlined policy about AI absolutely not being welcome, as we've seen that this is something artists everywhere seem to grieve over and we think we are greatly in need of a space that allows art to be art without trying to "generate" anything from it. social media circles/cliques for me just don't cut it. if you've been around online for as long as i have, you'll know on a deep level that this is the some form of real thing, warts and all. obviously forums are not for everyone, but what we have just has never felt satisfactory. corporate entities controlling online space has just never been what ive vibed with so this is essentially acting as my own lil circumvention

there's spaces here outlined for artists, writers, musicians, filmmakers, game devs, programmers, video artists, sound artists, even archivists. with social media and other sites being so corporate with their design, this site is deliberately made with a more old-school "homespun" online aesthetic. much of the direction of this site's purpose, functionality and look has been dictated by my instruction, as i approached this project with probably the clearest vision of all the admins. ive found lately that this kind of community organizing is one of my true callings and i want to use what i know from experience to try to make at least one site on the internet a more colorful and human place to be again.

as an admin i am deeply committed to maintaining a degree of safety, harmony and quality for my site and for the community that organizes on it. my dream is to rally together creatives of all stripes and have us cross pollinate in ways that social media doesn't really allow. we've already got some big site-wide creative projects underway that allows everyone to each show off our creative talents in cool ways, such as art quilts, a collaborative experimental film, and a lot of other stuff. i want people to feel like they're a part of something meaningful, as i also want for myself, because we all deserve that today.

sign-ups officially opened last November and we've already reached almost 400 members! i greatly encourage everyone i know, not just creatives, to consider checking this place out and all of our hard work. we would love for you all to join us and add whatever it is youre willing to contribute to this community!

#forum #forums #community #art community #creative community #yellow #teal #purple #dot #net #creative arts #art collective #internet forums

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moonyflesh · 3 months ago

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MARK HOFFMAN character analysis — (in the eyes of someone who’s rewatching the entire franchise).

— [no timestamps] • SPOILERS !

— (i have a ‘PETER STRAHM character analysis’ posted for those that keep asking!!!)

Mark Hoffman's character is one that is arguably rather divisive and hard to pin down, and I wanted to provide my thoughts on it as I think it may expose some ideas that haven't been discussed before. My thoughts are also from the perspective of looking back, so this is perhaps wrong and not how the directors or writers intended it, but, just the way I interpret the films.

I think the best way to describe Hoffman is as a murky/dirty body of water. This is because he is putting on an exterior face the majority of the time we see him, so we have to be careful how we read him. I think in the timeline, when we first see him around the timeframe John kidnaps him, he is a moral, decent man then. Clearly heavily effected by the death of his sister, and his killing of Seth Baxter, but still noticably removed from the Hoffminator we see in Saw VII.

But at this point lore wise, the first major character defining trait we observe from him is he believes in dispensing justice - just not the same as John, or the law. Seth Baxter for example, or in Saw IV when Hoffman covers for Rigg when Rigg punched Rex, even though Rigg was in the wrong. Hoffman saw Rex as deserving, and viewed what Rigg did as justice served, so he stepped outside the conventional methods of law and took his own actions for what he felt was right.

I don't think Hoffman ever completely bought into John's framework and moral philosophy when it came to rehabilitating suspects. In the flashbacks of John and Hoffman working together in Saw V, Hoffman seems uneasy about all of it, and reluctant. By the time of Saw III lorewise, and based off the body language and the way Costas plays him, (Saw V flashback of III) I feel it is very safe to say Hoffman was always planning to have an exit out of working with John. If Saw V established anything about his character, it's that he is a cold, quiet, calculating man who is also thinking one step ahead.

He is also seen to be critical of others, when he views them as not appreciating life. Such as the "all he had to do" line in Saw III, and him criticizing Rigg in the beginning of Saw IV for questioning his choice of being a cop. This may be an aspect picked up from John, it may be Hoffman's own judgmental side coming out. However, I think there is another very important aspect of Hoffman's character that is pivotal to understanding him, and why he acts the way he does: the sociopathy.

I don't believe this to be a natural part of his character, I think the more brutal elements were simply added as an attempt to add depth to him because his character was arguably all over the place with no real clear motivation. Which, personally I really like. It makes reading into him much more interesting. But, lorewise, I think it is safe to say the killing of Seth Baxter induced this sociopathy like a seed into Hoffman, and taking part in Jigsaw's schemes allowed the seed to grow.

Hoffman is a hard to read character, but the way I see it, he has a clear moral descent, because lorewise, the first time we see him and the last are two opposite moral extremes. Logically speaking, there has to be a descent. This descent, because of the writing, and Costas' acting, is complex to read. But 100% there. I believe it happens in the early days of working with John, but you could make an effective arguement for another specific time.

Regardless, in Saw VI, we observe elements of sociopathy and clear sadism influence his actions.

At this point, the morals and justification attempts Hoffman may have had when working with John earlier are quickly evaporating - Hoffman is clearly primarily acting out of self interest. This is that seed of sociopathy growing, and manifesting in cruel ways, such as listening to the audio of The Pound of Flesh Trap or grinning while pouring extra gasoline onto Erickson. Hoffman has always been more concerned with punishing wrong-doers than rehabilitating them as also seen when he carelessly dumps Timothy Young on the ground. It seems in Saw VI they really wanted to highlight this sadism of Hoffman's, which likely took time to manifest in his character.

As for Saw VII, I'd say it's clear Hoffman clearly has lost any trace of morals he once had. Saw VII was full of great ideas with mixed exectution, and one aspect that really suffered was the strategical intelligence that Hoffman previously displayed - being one step ahead. It was inconsistent in VII, from outsmarting Gibson with the machine gun but sending in dvds??? It could be understood as Hoffman's cockyness, and narcissism. But, Saw VII is a bizzare case to put it lightly, so I won't go too harsh on it. We just have to enjoy it for what it is.

I don't know if I'd describe him as a vigilante the same way as John. I think some may struggle with understanding his motivations because of how murky/neutral Costas plays him. (Which I personally enjoy). While I think there's a effective discussion to be had about how the shift towards vigilante killers in Saw as well as misunderstanding John Kramer's character hurts the later films, I do genuinely enjoy Hoffman's character and the depth it has.

Here’s basically a summary of why I fell in love with Hoffman’s character:

1.) There’s this hard to pinpoint, unclear-descent in morality through his behavior as the movies go on, making him so much more mysterious than Kramer- he doesn’t have nearly as much a reason as John to continue with the role of ‘Jigsaw’.

2.) He’s just a man seeking to dispense justice the way he sees fit— the definition of a ‘vigilante’.

3.) There’s a budding sadism/sociopathy that continues to grow the more he kills- making him less like John and more like Amanda (with the sole purpose of revenge instead of giving someone a second chance; opposite Kramer’s motive).

4.) There’s also an underlying narcissism in him that I think not only I, but a lot of the fandom seems to relate to (whether willingly or not).

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bogor-o · 5 months ago

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mother rambles ahoyyy

i think ive said before, but a lot of crowns "influence" on Mother is almost entirely just dulling emotions and it usually does this by means of scrambling their head a little just to disrupt whatever is causing the disturbance and usually its just memories

very early on it's not as bad because they're actively trying not to think about their life before becoming a vessel and as time goes on and they're trying to live in a "virtuous" way that means giving mercy to people who don't deserve it, the crown just softens the wave of emotions that only gradually build up and its what keeps Mother balanced enough to handle a lot of the early years of cult management

the lingering survivors guilt will always chip away at them, ovidia wants to believe they would have done things differently but the reality is that every choice they made before their capture and death was deliberate, and they faced the consequences. being caught and inadvertently led to the deaths of her little sisters was a butterfly effect of ovidia never really letting go of the fear of death, and for a very long time in her denial convincing herself it was because if she didnt look out for herself how could she ensure that her sisters would be safe?

mentally he frames everything as "i did it for their sake" when the reality was "i wanted to live by any means necessary"

ovidias want for a future he envisioned for himself was always a priority in the back of his mind and fueled all his choices: the way he looked for food and how it was divided, always taking a little more than her sisters because "i need the energy to care for them" and it makes sense of course, but it meant they would never have enough

when the hunger made them malnourished and sick that one could no longer stand, the most risk she took was looking for anything to ease her dying.

the youngest was still young enough to lie to, young enough that if she said she would be okay that she would have no other choice but to believe ovidia, she was their caregiver what reason would she have not to.

and the only selfless thing they'd done was still carrying their sister as they ran, but was it just an act of love done too late? or was it because finally now when their moments of away from being caught and killed, did they want to have the appearance of a person who would have done anything for their family?

the thoughts and the guilt are what eat away at his psyche to most and its why the crown has had to intervene so often and numb them.

the way they treat their followers is an idealized version of who they wish they could have been, they wished they could have been virtuous and selfless, loving and caring, a Mother to someone. this also meant becoming ruthless to the opposition and taking out any anger boiling inside out on the bishops and heretics

Becoming Mother is the "best" version of themself and to one day "lose" him and becoming themself again is another challenge entirely that takes a toll on them mentally all over again.

They see themselves as a different person and even attribute all their bloodshed as a different entity all together because its easier than admitting it was always them.

post Mother, they only half accept that truth.

#botalks #cotl mother au #i wrote WAY more than i meant but i have so many thoughts abt them #i do not know if ANY of it makes sense #i make more sense when im talking not so much typing oihgertoh #warnings for mention of #cw child death

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snailfen · 21 days ago

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been seeing people write up s4 wishlists so heres mine !!!

- i actually would like to see nickel apologize. i trust them to not have suitcase forgive his ass at all but after everything he put her through, she deserves that closure!

- on that note, what about suitcase and baseballs relationship now? i think the thing is that even up to the end, baseball still didnt fully understand suitcase. even if he understood why she left the alliance, he still believes her to be a victim of circumstance when it came to voting nickel out, and then he assumed himself to be a source of anxiety for suitcase and didn't let her talk after she chose knife as her final competitor. i don't think its OVER for them as friends especially since baseballs learned he can't give up trying even when he fails, but i do think its another obstacle in their rocky relationship. yeesh you two this is awkward

- also ALSO i would like to see baseball and balloon interact?. they hardly interacted on the grand slams and while baseball did side with nickel in the plot to get him out, he still wanted suitcase to have him as a friend if thats what she wanted. overall he doesn't seem to dislike balloon, at all? cant really say how balloon sees him. but i wanna See

- the complications in fan and test tubes relationship with bot, we've already seen some of it with bot going against test tube when it came to cabby, but im talking more about bot resenting them for the way they were made. i mean i would also like to see fans positive relationship as well since we've mostly only seen test tubes side of things, but when it comes to both of them i wanna see how that resentment might interfere with bots relationship to them. bot genuinely does seem to desire having them in their life, but what now? part of me wonders if finding out that they (unknowingly) perpetuated a cycle of abuse through bot would also affect this, and also how.

- SPEAKING OF THE CYCLE !!!!!! (<-rain world fans when theres a cycle) i really want to see how the contestants process their entire existence being for a gameshow. like, none of them have parents, they just spawned into the world thinking death wasnt such a huge deal because they could be revived (until now). they're some guys coping mechanism. yeah sure they can now make their lives their own, but they aren't NORMAL. thats kinda fucked when you think about it

- salt character development please please please oh please. the thing thats really interesting about salt is that she's one of the very few who hasn't broken from her "code" so to speak. i really do think the only thing that's going to cause her to do that (as hinted at by brian? or at least how i interpreted it) is if pepper gets fed up with her acting like the world revolves around her. pepper is just as much salts other half as salt is peppers, the only thing is, salt doesn't realize that because she's the "trendsetter" and peppers the "follower". it also doesn't seem like anyone else actually likes her at this point either, so if she loses pepper for a bit its really gonna force her to reevaluate her entire life.

- on that note this is a personal headcanon ive come up with so im not betting on it happening. but its really good to the point that id like to see it in canon so im putting it here anyways. candlepep friendship? candle has learned she needs to focus on herself rather than the needs of others, but since the contestants have to rebuild from scratch, i could very well see her falling back on old habits and trying to help others and possibly forgetting her own needs. she must feel needed, after all! but then theres pepper. based on my hypothetical above, being without salt is gonna be really tough for her but she's probably gonna have a little more support from others than salt.

However! pepper instinctively feels like she needs someone to "follow", so without salt i could very well see her trying to latch onto others. i feel like seeing someone who's in a similar predicament (both girls needing to center someone else in their lives) might remind candle that she needs to remember her needs and focus on herself. i feel like the two of them could teach eachother something important? meditation involves focusing on yourself and pepper still needs to learn that. as for the other way around, peppers interests are more based on fashion and makeup (and while those are interests that still align with salt) and that kind of practice is most fun when you focus on what makes you personally happy (something candle could learn, focusing on her wants and needs etc). i like the idea of them not necessarily NEEDING eachother but growing to like the other and wanting the other as their friend. either that or their problems clash and it becomes toxic yuri but i think candles had enough. brian koch receive my brain waves...... PLEASEEEE..........

- get funny with the contestants. some of these fuckers havent even SEEN eachother before ii18. i wanna see everyone get screentime if im being honest! i wanna see new friendships form and shit, maybe new rivalries as well! @/br1ghtestlight mentioned teakettle, tissues, lifering and blueberry living together at some point and i really like the idea of that, i can see how they'd work. i do want to be surprised on some small part but honestly, whatever works.

- the ultimate cheer factory (bot, goo, cheesy, cherries, maybe bomb and lightbulb). they'll take over the world

- fluffy payjay affection but i want it in small doses. maybe we see oj holding onto papers arm as they're discussing the new hotel with others, or them going on a gay little date as a b-plot, or calling eachother the dumbest petnames possible. at least one onscreen kissy. i don't hate payjay or anything i love it actually. just small doses or ill explode and die from being a payjay shipper for 7 years

- Mephones Possibly Complicated Healing Journey. i feel like mephones feelings surrounding cobs being dead are a little complicated, on the basis that cobs made him and he's spent most of his life wanting his approval, but he is mostly relieved. the only thing mephone has ever wanted was to be free from him after all! i also want to see more of 3GS, who he is outside of what we've seen of him. i think he'd like flash games on the puter

- knickle scene that lasts more than a minute PLEASE I MISS OUR GAMERS

- knife struggling to adjust to his new life. "its fine, im.... here." yeah sure 🙄 i saw that look on your face i KNOW you gaf. ontop of everything ive already talked about in the past (being a ghost), he now has (accidentally cus he didn't really MEAN to) shoehorned himself into marshmallows life and i dont think she's gonna give up living with bow just cus knife guy is there, but damn thats gotta make things REAL hard for the both of them. i never want to see marsh forgive him for bullying her just cus he saved her life, but i do want to see how they make... living with eachother, work out. i would also like to see us get into the 5 Secret Hints That Knife Probably Doesn't Like Himself Very Much but not at the same time as the marsh stuff probably

- taco adjusting. not only has she had it ROUGH even before the finale, but uh. no one trusts her probably. except for like, mic, and maybe soap. the bfdi x ii shorts arent canon but given the way she acts in that short, i think its easy to expect that shes gonna struggle HARD. on that note more of her and soap, i feel like having them introduced was such a good idea and soap is probably going to be a really good person for taco to have around when shes struggling to do the right thing. i also want her and marsh to talk about mepad but i dont have much else to say besides that

- okay god most of this is specific character interactions. suitcase and pickle become friendsies? please?? pretty pretty please.

- n/a and others return from the war :(. I miss them

- i heavily doubt they'll bring in the recommended characters as characters for real but I would like to see it happen. I think it would be really funny if apple saw teddy bear again and was like "oh hi teddy bear :D I missed you!!!" and teddy bear was like SHUT UP SHUT UP I HATE YOU YOU NEVER SHOULD'VE BEAT ME even though its been years and it hardly matters anymore. I would like to see more of magnifying glass and spikey mervert but I don't have a whole lot to go off of with them, other than mag showing up to the spoiled lemon concert in episode 10 for some reason.

thats all I can think of for now .... I'm hungry ..........

#mossball.txt #inanimate insanity #aci don't look

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bjornswoman · 1 year ago

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Destruction XII

Author's note: Hello, happy New Year to you all! Sorry for being too late to post the last part of these series. However, here it is I hope you will enjoy it!

Pairing: Modern!Ivar x Reader.

Genre: Modern!au, series, fluff, drama, angst.

Warnings: Strong language, mentions of pregnancy.

A couple of months later.

You had forgotten the sound of your own giggle the past year. However, those two last months were enough to prove you wrong and remind you that you still contained the ability to feel happy and laugh — finally.

“You can’t be serious!” You exclaimed laughing at your friend Torvi. There had been a long time since you last met each other. Actually, the last time you saw her was before your wedding.

A wedding that never really happened because Ivar decided to take you away. He had confessed that he loved you that same day as well. You could recollect the memory as it was yesterday.

Flashback – Two months ago.

“It’s not what you believe, (Y/N). It wasn’t just revenge for me. You mean a lot to me. You know I am just not good at saying those things and you, also, know that I can be dickhead sometimes. Don’t cry for me. I - I care for you.”

Ivar had said and kissed you like his life was depending on this kiss – like both of your life were depending on this kiss.

“Don’t get married, you don’t deserve being treated like that. Dump that asshole.”

You needed to hear these words back then – you needed a motive to stop that madness. After all, you didn’t love Mason, but Ivar.

You didn’t treat Mason right, so leaving him before this mistake would be the only thing you would do to save him from being miserable next to you – because of you.

“I won’t, Ivar.”

“You are mine.”

“I am yours.”

End of flashback.

“Oh, I’m and that’s not even the end of it.” Torvi continued speaking and got you out of your thoughts about that particular day. “Your mother was about to kill Hvitserk when he announced that Ivar had stolen you – those were the exact words he used.” She laughed. "Besides you know the love your mother contains for Hvitserk." You both laughed at her remark.

It was well-known that your mother loathed the sons of Ragnar – especially Hvitserk. She would call him peccant or sinful. Generally, she would criticize his way of living. Not that Ivar was her favourite brother though, but Hvitserk worked as a red flag for her.

You could picture your mother's face after hearing Hvitserk announcing that the wedding was over because you run away with his brother. You were sure long before Torvi told you about the events of that evening that she was furious – that was the main reason you hadn't even tried to contact her since then.

"What about Mason?" You hesitated to say his name after the way you treated him, though he wasn't honest to you either – as he lied to you about the events of the past and blamed Ivar about his doing.

Anyways, you felt guilt of your own lies, because you acted the very same way you accused Ivar of when you walked away on him.

"Oh well, I heard that he is fine though he and the boys are distant after what happened. He blames them for helping Ivar. Anyways, Ubbe told me that Ivar mentioned that he is after Freydis again."

You could understand the way Mason felt, but you couldn't focus on this after some names were mentioned successively.

"Ivar?" You muttered before you could stop yourself.

"Yes, Freydis told him."

You felt jealous once again about the same thing – you were back to the beginning of this messed up story. You felt weird after everything that happened the last two months in contrast with what Torvi just told you. Maybe you were just overreact, but still you couldn't bear lose again.

Maybe your love wasn't the healthiest one , but it was strong enough to swallow you if he hurt you like he did previously.

"Don't tell me you are jealous." Torvi said smiling after receiving no response from you.

"I'm not jealous of her." You fought back and she chuckled. It was too obvious that you were lying.

"You didn't really tell me what happened with Ivar after you left." She mentioned and you smiled at the memory.

Flashback – Two months ago.

Your heart was full after a very long time it felt half without him. You felt happy again being close to the person who you loved the most. Probably this wasn't the best way to come back together – not even close to be honest – but what was worth it for you was the fact that you were sitting on the passenger's seat of his car and he was on the driver's seat taking you away somewhere that only he knew.

Nobody spoke a word though – an awkward silence was surrounding the car. You didn't know what to say – you didn't know whether you had to say something or not. You knew Ivar by heart and yet you couldn't predict what was inside his head. You knew when he was mad, happy or sad, but you couldn't say what was bothering him.

"Ivar." You breathed and turned your eyes at his figure. "Do-do you love me?" Your voice was barely coming out as a whisper. It was a silly question to ask – even after he crashed your wedding and told you that he cared for you – you wanted to hear him saying this particular word. You hadn't heard him saying it – at least not to you.

"What kind of question is that? Didn't I told that I care for you less than an hour ago?" You could say by hearing the tone of his raised voice that he was getting annoyed by your question. You were aware of the fact that he wasn't good with words – especially this kind of words, but you wanted to hear him saying just for once.

"Why is it so difficult for you to say it again? Tell me, do you love me, Ivar?" You raised your voice out of frustration. You couldn't understand the reason why it had to be that hard for him to tell you about his feelings.

The possibility that he didn't feel that way came in your mind. Maybe he was just possessive when it came to you or it could be obsession the feeling he contained for you. Those could be the actual reasons why he couldn't express his love fore and that would be because it was non-existent.

"Yes!" Ivar yelled with obvious anger at you and hit his hands on the wheel.

"Yes, what?" You pressured him more as you were angry and disappointed at the time because of his inability to express himself to you – the person he was supposed to love.

Ivar hit the brake pedal so forcefully that if you weren't wearing the seatbelt you would be out of the car when it stopped. You turned your face at him and he had already focused his furious blue eyes on you.

"No, Ivar, you don't." With those last words you stormed out of his car and started walking at the opposite way from the one he was driving on. Though, you didn't get to make it far away because his hand grabbed yours tightly and forced you to turn back and face his wrath.

"What do you think you are doing? And what the Hel are you saying?" He growled on your face as you were trying to break-free from his grip to no avail.

You breathed heavily and looked his angry face.

"All you feel about me is some kind of authority and possessiveness as I'm one of your belongings." You spoke and motioned on your hand he was holding firmly. "The worst part of it is that it isn't even new to me to get this treatment from you. You don't love me, because you don't know how to and that's due to the fact that you feel that you don't deserve the love the others are trying to give you. The only thing you know how to do is hurting these people with your childish behaviour." You continued telling him with tears falling from your eyes – tears that you wiped away with your free hand.

Ivar was looking you without speaking, he was just looking at you quite shocked. Behind his anger you could spot guilt and redeem. He knew himself that you were right and that was the most painful part for both of you.

"The next one who will come in your life and try to give you the love you deserve let her." After these words, more tears threatened to fall from your eyes. You grabbed your gown on the palms of both of your hands and took a couple of tiny steps believing that Ivar would let you walk away from him – from his life.

However, such a thing didn't happen because he used the hand of yours he was gripping and pulled back – this time he held you closer to him your bodies were touching. You tried to fight back again, but he was too strong for you in such way that when he pulled you the lacework of your dress was ripped.

This time he even stopped holding your hand and he went for your throat. His grip was as tight or strong as it was on your hand, but it was firm enough to pull your face closer to his.

"Too late for that." Ivar said in raspy voice. "There is someone who has already made my heart beat for her – who have made me feel all of the things you've said before. I didn't know how it felt to be truly loved by somebody because of the problem I faced. I thought everyone pitied me – the poor cripple – until you came. You saw me what love really means – what it is – and I sent you away. When our paths crossed again, I thought that all I felt for you was just lust or possessiveness for a woman who used to be my partner. However, I got hold of my feelings – of my true feelings – after our first kiss in the bowling alley, when I called you to come to that bar to tell you about my conflict with Mason and after we got drunk and went to my house and slept together, remember? In fact, all this was just an excuse because I wanted to see you."

When he finished, Ivar let go off you throat and one of his hands touched your arm as the other when on one of his pockets. His touch was really genuine on your hand.

"I remember." You mumbled and smiled as you remembered that particular night you spent together.

"You want me to tell you that I love you, but you know that I'm difficult with words. Though, for you, I'll say it, but before I have to do something else." Ivar stopped and afterwards his hand got out of his pocket holding a red-whine velvet box.

You looked first at the box shocked and then at Ivar.

"Ivar, you don't have to do that just to prove your words to me." You tried to say, but he stopped you by taking your hand in his, after he opened the small box. As you expected, it contained a ring, but it was not just a random ring he picked. It was the ring you had told him years ago that you wanted to be the one you would be proposed with. It was a unique design which you couldn't find easily, but he did for you.

"I love you." Ivar finally confessed and you could even spot a tear on his cheek. His forehead touched your own as he eyes found yours. "Will you marry me, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?" He asked and you smiled widely.

At the sound of his words, you felt your heart hitting your chest with just force that it was going to rip out of your body.

"Yes! Yes, I will marry you, Ivar Lothbrok!" You exclaimed and kissed him passionately. This kiss wasn't like anything you had experienced. It was different from any other you had shared. One that both of you were expressing within it your deepest feelings about the other person.

When you stopped, Ivar pulled you closer to him again and placed the ring on your finger.

End of flashback.

After that moment that you would never forget about, you spent two months away from everyone you knew. It was just the two of you in the middle of nowhere. However, you had to return back in Kattegat to face the real life and what came after the decisions you made.

Ivar's family welcomed you back and they were glad to hear about your engagement – though they could see it coming. They knew better that you two about the feelings you shared.

So, there you were, talking with Torvi about the days that came after your almost-wedding with Mason.

Torvi looked at you with narrowed eyes and a huge smile on her face.

"And after this you are still jealous? You are crazy girl!" Torvi exclaimed and both of you laughed again. "No, I am being serious now." She said and you both burst into laughter again. "No, seriously now you are getting married with the love of your life!" You smiled and looked back at your feet.

"And that's not even the end of it."

"What do you mean?" Your friend asked confused and your smile became even more wider than it was already. "(Y/N)?" She asked you again anxiously this time.

As an answer, your hand moved on your stomach and you caressed it meaningful. In Torvi's face formed a smile identical to yours.

"Don't tell me that you...." She exclaimed and you tried to prevent her from let everyone know about your little secret.

"Shhhh, I am, but Ivar doesn't know yet. I am going to tell him tonight and then we are sharing it with the others. Keep it for me, okay?" You spoke on a soft tone of voice and Torvi agreed happily before she congratulated you about your pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night.

The night sky was very beautiful – enchanting you could even say. But that wasn't the best part of the night, that part would be the fact that you were sitting next to your fiancé, trying to find the best way of telling him that you were expecting his child as he was engrossed in with laptop with work matters. You were away for so long and matters had piled up.

"Ivar, when do you think that we should get married?" You asked him out of the blue as you stood up and walked through the balcony. Ivar glanced at you for a quick second and then turned his attention back on his laptop.

"I don't know, but we should not rush. In three to four months, what do you think?" He proposed without looking at you and you smiled, because this conversation was taking the way you wanted.

"That won't be convenient. I think that it should happen in one or two months." You continued.

"Why so?"

"I'll have gained weight. I won't feet in any dress."

Your words caught him off guard. He abandoned the computer on the coffee-table and fixed his eyes on you confused.

"What do you mean?" Ivar asked as the edges of his mouth lifted and left the sofa to come closer to you. He stopped on when his body was behind yours.

"What do you want me to mean?"

"Don't riddle me, (Y/N)." His voice was stern and you couldn't help your little smirk. "Are you pregnant?" He asked as his body collided with yours and his muscular hands hugged your torso and stayed on your stomach. Your back was touching on his chest, so you couldn't see his facial expressions. "Tell me." He demanded impatiently and you smiled.

You knew how much he wanted a child – a daughter or a son. You were also aware of the fact that he was delighted when Freydis had told him that she was pregnant in the past and thought it was his child when it wasn't.

"Yes, Ivar." You whispered and tilted your head at the side to catch a glimpse of his reaction to your news. What you saw was a tear slipping from his eye and you smiled again. "Are you happy?"

"No." Your blood froze in your veins and your smile died on your lips. You turned so you could face him. "No, I am not just happy. I'm thrilled!" He exclaimed and you felt your heart beating normally in your chest again.

His hands closed you inside them and one of them caressed your hair softly.

"I love you, wife."

You giggled when you heard him calling you wife.

"I love you, husband."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog, @anotherfan07, @heavenly1927, @zvacu-te-pile-moje

#vikings ivar #ivar imagine #modern ivar #ivar ragnarsson #ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar the boneless #ivar fic #ivar fanfic #ivar x reader #vikings modern au #vikings imagine #modern ivar x reader #vikings x reader #modern vikings x reader #modern vikings

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maruyaaya · 1 month ago

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hihii im here again i wanted to ask if how do you depict iliad characters really? bc ive been planing to make a fic whereas the paris tm and epic tm react to eachtohers musicals.. and i wanted tips to enhance their characters cause i may be and may not be absulotely clueless (i am new to greek myth)SOSOO if you have tips how to write complex characters like agamemnom, achilles menelaus, even andromache or the gods and godess, it would be appreciated if you can give, please i love you so much (i lit stalk your account every hour)

YOU'VE GIVEN ME POSSIBLY THE BEST EXCUSE TO YAP EVER i hope you don't mind an essay of an answer bc idk how to stfu

idk if you want more general advice on characters or specifics on how i write the characters you mentioned but i'll do a bit both i guess? ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO ASK MORE THIS ASK WAS SO FUN TO ANSWER

so i'm actually gonna start off by saying i don't think you always have to be completely historically accurate. obviously you can be if you want to be, but i think it's more than fine to take creative liberties like these myths are so old. it's impossible to write them exactly the way they were written back then so why not have a little fun with it?

i think one of the most important things about writing greek myth characters (and honestly just any complex character) is don't be afraid to make them hypocritical. all these characters are written as being very human. they're going to contradict themselves. they're going to do things that don't align with their general viewpoints. don't be afraid to write them as nasty people. theyre going to be contradictory and hypocritical and selfish and that's okay!! that's what makes them complex characters

something i do while writing complex characters is i try to figure out their motivations first and foremost because what they want to get in life is going to influence every action that they make. for every action they make, there needs to be a reason for it. why are they having this argument? why are they doing this specific thing? and their motivations don't have to be morally correct or even good for the character, it just needs to explain why they're making the choices they do. using my neo as an example, he refuses to let telemachus be nice to him, but it's because he thinks he doesn't deserve it. as a character, his motivations are (in the most simple words possible) "i shouldn't let anyone get close to me because i will hurt them" and that explains why he acts the way he does around telemachus. it's not good for him, but it explains his actions.

i also like to think about relationships that the character will have whether platonic or romantic because i like to have a general idea of who the character is before i put that character in any situations. before i write about a character in a specific scenario, i like to think about how they would act if they were just like... in a void of nothingness (if that makes sense). what is their relationship like with their parents? do they have siblings? how do they view love? once i have a general idea of how a character behaves, i start putting that character in situations

moving into more specifics, i'll start with achilles. i write achilles very similarly to how i write neoptolemus, but there are stark differences between them. achilles was born gentle and was then forced into war that ruined him. neo was not born gentle; neo was born with blood on his hands. achilles did not want to fight. he wanted glory and fighting was the only way to achieve that. neo, on the other hand, wants to fight. he does not feel like himself unless he is on a battlefield. he does not want glory like achilles does, he wants recognition. but for achilles, that desire for glory is at the centre of all of his actions. achilles wants his name in lights. he needs to be known. obscurity is worse than death. what good is a life that you waste? achilles values patroclus above everything in the world except his own pride. he would sacrifice the world for patroclus, but he would hesitate because if he sacrifices the world then who is left to remember him? because as much as i love patrochilles, patroclus' recognition alone has never been enough for achilles.

but achilles also values his pride above all else. the iliad opens with achilles being disrespected by agamemnon and achilles eventually decides to take all of his soldiers and leave the war. he wants glory, but is willing to sacrifice it in order to keep his pride. achilles is also very hypocritical; he believes that he deserves better than other people because of his status as the best of the greeks. the things that achilles does to others, he would not approve of them being done to him. i think that's something you have to consider when writing achilles: what is he valuing the most at this moment? is he thinking about his pride? is he thinking about glory? you also do have to recognize that achilles has a lot of pride in his abilities but that pride is earned. achilles genuinely is the best of the greeks. though he has an ego, that ego is rightfully earned and i think that's something to consider with him.

going off achilles, i want to briefly discuss patroclus. you didn't mention him in ur ask, but i just wanted to say that something i see people do with patroclus a lot is that in an attempt to not... twinkify him, they go the completely opposite direction and make him not gaf about achilles. patroclus should have reverence for achilles. he should look at achilles like achilles put the stars in the sky. like patroclus isn't achilles dog or anything like that—we see patroclus argue with and insult achilles many, many times in the iliad—but he has to have a certain reverence for achilles. he won’t shy away to telling achilles that he’s wrong in not wanting to fight, but he will always stand by achilles’ decision. he’ll beg achilles to fight and tell him that he’s going to lose the war because of his useless pride, but he’ll don achilles’ armour and risk his life pretending to be achilles just to save achilles’ reputation. patroclus basks in achilles' greatness. he likes to watch achilles shine. he likes to watch when achilles decimates an entire battle field. he likes hearing both armies sing achilles’ praises. he internalizes those praises as if they’re directed at him too because he and achilles are just extensions of each other. for patroclus, watching achilles be great is just as good as being great himself. he doesn’t need to create a legacy for himself because achilles having one is good enough for him. patrochilles are so fucking codependent. this is why patroclus’ admiration of achilles is so important. he basically lives vicariously through achilles. there is nothing he wants more in the world than to watch achilles tear through a battlefield and leave a trail of bodies in his wake. both achilles and patroclus have some ulterior motives in loving each other, but that doesn’t mean they love each other any less.

there's a quote from emily brontë’s wuthering heights that (if i can recall off the top of my head) goes something like this: “he is more myself than i am. whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. if all else perished and he remained, i should still continue to be and if all else remained and we were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. he’s always, always in my mind; not as a pleasure to myself, but as my own being” (wow i think i remembered that better than i thought i did) AND THIS IS SO PATROCHILLES TO ME. they know each other better than anyone. they’re hardly even two separate people. they’re achillesandpatroclus before they’re achilles and patroclus (note that they’re always achillesandpatroclus, never patroclusandachilles. both of them prefer it that way).

SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY YAPPING BOUT PATROCHILLES i could talk about them for so long i have so many more thoughts on them but let me move on

for agamemnon and menelaus, the most important thing for both of their characters is that they're brothers. agamemnon is the one who leads the war and he does it for menelaus. the trojan war is a war fought for love; paris kidnaps helen (or she goes with him willingly depending on your translation) because he loves her, menelaus wants to get helen back because he loves her, and agamemnon leads the war because he loves his brother. agamemnon has many, many faults, but at his core is the fact that he loves his brother and will win this war for his brother. agamemnon is very prideful (very similarly to achilles) and he thinks himself better than most people. he always thinks that he knows best. he likes to win, he likes to be in charge, and he likes when people do what he says. he's also stubborn. agamemnon is very "the ends justify the means". he sacrifices his own daughter because he believes it is the only way to get what he wants. agamemnon is kinda the punching bag in that every greek mythology fan nowadays fucking hates him (and for good reason) but i think he is an interesting character to explore. agamemnon is one of the biggest victims of hubris. he believes that consequences should not apply to him—people should just do whatever he says because clearly, he knows better.

but agamemnon is also a coward. these things can coexist. when the war starts to get really bad, he is the first one to say "guys, let's just go home" and diomedes has to convince him to stay and fight. this is what i mean by don't be afraid to make your characters contradictory. agamemnon likes winning and he likes being in charge, but he's also afraid of dying so he's willing to run away from the war if he gets to survive. because he's selfish and cowardly, but he believes he isn't. agamemnon hates having to face consequences for his action which is what makes his fate of being killed by clytemnestra for sacrificing iphigenia so much more satisfying. because agamemnon's death is a direct consequence of his actions.

mentioning diomedes real quick to say that his characterization should basically be "guy who does all the work in a group project". he's so funny to me i love this guy

menelaus has two very different characterizations depending on how you want to write him. you have to decide whether his love for helen is genuine before you begin writing him. do you want to write menelaus as someone who really loves his wife and is willing to fight this whole war to get her back? or do you want to write menelaus as someone who views helen as a prize—as his property—and is only fighting this war to get helen back because he feels like he was disrespected? this is the first thing you have to decide for menelaus. once you've decided this, you can characterize menelaus accordingly.

actually this is one of my favourite advices for writing characters: ask yourself questions about them. what is their motivation for doing this? how would they react if [insert thing] happened? would they agree or disagree with this? if someone told them something, would they react differently differently if they were told by someone else? also thinking bout what-ifs is very important to me. this character is reacting a specific way to something, but what if this situation was slightly different? how would that change their reaction? even if it isn't relevant to what you're writing, i think it can help give you a sense of the character

andromache is so so interesting to me because in greek myths, she was supposed to be a representation of "the perfect wife". she is loyal to hector, takes care of his son, and is mild-mannered and polite. even after hector's death, she continues to make offerings to him. she's supposed to represent all of the trojan women during the war. she is a character who should be full of grief—she loses absolutely everything. she loses her husband, her son, and her autonomy. andromache is a queen who is forced to become a slave when troy loses the war. i think it would be really interesting to characterize andromache with a lot of rage. rage at having everything taken from her. rage and vengeance. after neoptolemus' death, she marries her ex-brother in law and i think this can be seen as her trying to get back a sense of normalcy. helenus is the only thing that can bring her back to her old life. so she marries helenus and maybe even considers it a betrayal to hector, but she does it because she doesn't know how to live her life otherwise. it is the closest she can get to being okay again and she has to look for something that will make her life worth living again. she is a character who i think is always looking for somethings. like "sure, almost everything sucks, but at least i have something" and she needs to do that in order to live instead of just surviving because she's been in survival mode for so long.

THIS HAS GOTTEN SO LONG IM SO SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO STFU i hope this helps at all! i have a lot more general advice on character writing if thats more what youre looking for and i'd be happy to share if you'd like! i also would be happy to discuss more specific characters as well! i love yapping it's like my job

#my credentials for this is that im an english major #i literally yap for a living LMFAO #I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO DISCUSS THE GODS AND GODDESSES #okay this is so long already if u wanna send another ask i'd be so down to discuss them as well #i'm just a silly guy!!!#imeda answers asks!!#i didnt read any of this back after writing it so there might be some MONUMENTAL typos and grammar mistakes

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swoo0zy · 8 months ago

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I think Star and Wander would be just as frustrated w/ each other as Wander was with Dom in s2, if not more. Ostensibly, they share the same goals so theoretically it shouldn't be too hard for one to get thru to the other. Problem is, both Wander and Star are very stubborn irt their views and what they think is the right way to go about things. Granted, with s3 being about testing Wander, he likely would've started to question his beliefs abit and eventually become not as stubborn with his views, especially considering Dom blunty turning down his offer of redemption/friendship at the end of s2. Maybe Star would've had a similar arc? What do you think ?

YEAH !!!!!! YEAH LITERALLY !!!!! thx for asking! big oc infodump incoming

thats exactly what ive been thinking of, like SFEF honestly have the universe's best interest in mind. they motivate their actions on the belief that they're right n they're genuinely doing good by freeing galaxies of villains, even if it's in frankly cruel ways n their definition of what is "good" n what is "evil" is extremely black n white n divided. they are the always the good guys n others r the bad guys who are inherently fundamentally evil n dangerous n deserve every terrible thing in the world to happen to them (that worldview is basically exactly what leads to the dehumanization of villains in their eyes n that is what makes it rlly easy for them to do what they do cuz they don't view villains as actual ppl with their own motivations n reasoning but as a disembodied force to be defeated).

star, who is the perfect guy to represent SFEF's beliefs n ideals (like he genuinely does not question them in the slightest he accepts their worldview as his own to the point his self-identity is tied directly to SFEF. the way he goes about fulfilling his duty is sort of tainted by his own personal wants n opinions sometimes, that's why sugar n ultra r there to level it out, but at the core he operates on the same logic as SFEF do, underneath all of their inspiring slogans n speeches of their righteous mission), is also the perfect guy to serve as a contrast to wander. star is literally like helplessness-less wander from the wanders episode. we only got to see him once in the show n the only thing he did was do a cool pose n explain his worldview, so star is basically what would happen if he got to act upon n actively spread his ideology — if wander had to face against someone w his own discarded belief n prove not just to himself but to literally the entire galaxy that it is not the answer

i feel like wander would be absolutely delighted to see SFEF show up at first. new people in the galaxy, and they're here to help, and they're really good at their job and others seem to really like them — this is basically like the hot shot episode situation. but then as their mission goes on hed begin to recognize their approach is flawed AS HELL — hed get that ideological ick from them. the problem is — he's the only one. post-dominator, after his pacifistic approach didn't work and dominator turned out to be an irredeemable sadist who could've only been stopped by force, the yonder galaxy would sorta start questioning wander n be more willing to side w SFEF n their more forceful methods. maybe that would even include sylvia, give her a bit of an arc — ofc shed still stay w wander n in the end shed support him, but judging by her character i feel like she wouldn't be opposed to a team of good guys who stop villains by force instead of trying to befriend them. even if she started warming up to peepers a lot n even cheered for hater in the end of the galaxy, she still doesn't seem to fully agree w wander on the sentiment that villains can be redeemed (quite paradoxical considering she was a redeemed "bad guy". wonder where that stems from). i think an arc of her coming to her own conclusion that wander really is right abt that instead of just going along w all his plans throughout all s3 would do her pretty well. so there goes the testing wander part. no matter how confident in ur own righteousness u are, if literally the entire galaxy rejects ur worldview u can't help but start to question it. that might even work to wander's benefit in a way, cuz his approach admittedly is still kinda flawed, so starting to question it might in the end make it more nuanced n balanced instead — curiously, what tries to break him ends up helping him in its own way. in the end it'd all probably come around to a big epic wander win n a great philosophical conclusion abt pacifism n what is good n evil n how too drenched in nuance everything actually is to apply such simple black n white logic to it. idk exactly how it'll happen but thats how i imagine it

now this part is curious, cuz smth needs to happen to SFEF after they lose right? now um the best outcome would be to show the entire bigass intergalactic SFEF organization the error of their ways so they can use their influence n power for something better — but idk how to actually come to it, cuz it's quite the feat.

what is a bit less of a feat is to redeem just star sugar n ultra in the end. ultra has her own arc going on of gaining conscience n beginning to question SFEF's ways by virtue of their beliefs being programmed into her, n the very act of her gaining free thought goes directly against her programming. so she doesn't have a brainwashed stupidass little head like how star does, which makes it just the tiniest bit easier. wander would come in super handy as a guy who showed an alternative to loyal to their authority soldiers/robots at least two times before. now i just dont know if i should let ultra have her happy ending or give her the beep boop treatment, inevitably shut down for good or sent back to be reset back to her factory settings the moment she stops being convenient to the cause or even worse tries to sabotage it. hard choice

sugar... sugar is a bit of a pickle. they dont go against SFEF but they don't exactly support it either. u see their species — bonbons — due to their physiological advantages, r rlly convenient for SFEF to hire. theyre almost impossible to hurt, have the ability to regenerate, can shift shape freely n can solidify or liquify their body's consistency at will. so basically SFEF practically has control over their homeplanet, in the cultural n societal sense. working for SFEF is like the go-to career there — kinda like the military if they payed better n also didn't endanger ur life so much. so sugar isn't there out of some righteous desire to save the universe, or for glory, or out of obligation — theyre basically there for the bag. its like a 9 to 5 to them. a circumstance. that attitude is outrageous, but that's the point — sugar is rlly detached from reality. they just go w the flow. they dont want to think too hard about the cause theyre contributing to. they dont want to think of the fact their actions have consequences. they dont want to take the lead of their own life. n since they leave it up for grabs SFEF is happy to accept the offer. in order for sugar to have an arc of abandoning SFEF n growing as a person they need something DRASTICCCC to happen, put them in a situation where they have no choice but to take action n actually pick a side. to commit. idk how that'd happen but it would be great trust 🙏🙏

now star. heheheheheh. until just recently i actually didnt even consider a character arc for him. hes a stubborn self-assured delusional fucking blockhead who would rather kill himself than admit he's wrong. i felt like just keeping him that way cuz i didnt see how wander would be able to make him reconsider that wout it feeling forced. but then it came to me, that if there's anything he believes to be as correct as himself — its SFEF. like ive said SFEF is basically tied into his self image now. every "I'm not wrong" automatically translates into "SFEF isn't wrong" n vice versa. n now — what if those sentiments weren't just separated but directly put against eachother, one or the other inevitably false. what if SFEF fired him. its their big final loss, star is forced to admit defeat, mark the end of their mission in the yonder galaxy n just come back to the main SFEF station empty handed. but they don't even let him do that. they just fire him. he fucked up his first mission in a relatively small galaxy that was literally almost wiped out by a huge threat beforehand — like it was perfect picking n he fucked that up. he proved himself worthless n hes not rlly important enough to deserve a second chance from them, they can fire him n literally nothing would change (a big shocker for star who genuinely thought he was all that. in reality they didn't even hire him in the first place cuz of his skills or something — it was because he looked like their mascot 😭 ofc going up the SFEF career ladder to the point they oh so generously allow him to lead a mission took him a lot of effort. but in the end he's just another easily replaceable cog in the machine. he refused to see that until now. he was like the biggest SFEF d-rider ever n he naively thought he meant something in return, that his efforts would pay off, that he'd be recognized for how absolutely jawdroppingly cool n awesome he is, that he has some worth to them — but he doesn't). n so something that was a big part of him, something he built his identity on, now leaves him on the side of the road. n it creates a huge dissonance — n he can't figure out whether he's wrong for fucking up n being a fucking loser or they're wrong for firing him, cuz both of those r thoughts he refused to even consider before. now probably for the first time in his life he's forced to come face to face w the fact he failed, in a way he can't brush off or takw himself back from after. to make matters worse he's basically homeless now lmao cuz he used to live on the SFEF spaceship station until they fired him n he cant come back to his parents house cuz that's the most shameful humiliating shit ever to him n hed rather kill himself than let his parents know the fucking SFEF fired his ass cuz its kinda a big deal 👍 n so there goes wonder — @catfacedcat's oc

some exposition so wonder is a criminal who keeps getting away n hes basically like stars arch nemesis n they also have a bit of a Thing going on. toxic yaoi situationship. now to star wonder was like. a spot on his squeaky clean self image. falling for a criminal n ur enemy is basically... a flaw. a weakness. an inevitable loss n stuff. actually there was smth rlly good that came out of it, interacting w wonder a lot n warming up to him made star question a bit maybe he's not such a fundamentally evil terrible badguy after all. like "maybe nuance is real n bad ppl r still ppl hmmm ☝️☝️ nah no way" or whatever. so what i mean to say is star is at the lowest of the lows rn right. this is that inevitable loss. hes the spot on his own made up image of himself that he couldn't live up to. so he goes to the guy who he feels he belongs w most now — wonder. belongs not in a romantic sense(ok maybe a romantic sense too) but in a "ure the only person im vaguely close to who i feel like could look me in the eyes rn simultaneously the only person id let see me cuz the very act of me feeling anything towards u was already a step so low for me that begging u to let me stay w u doesn't even feel like going much lower. anyway so can u let me in ure my only hope 🥺" sense. so he just stands outside of wonders car cuz wonder doesnt even have a fucking house either, holding a cardboard box w 3 shirts 10 ties n a cactus, completely drenched out in the rain probably fell in a fucking puddle on the way. n i feel like he doesn't even expect him to open the door. n wonder wouldn't really be to blame if he didn't like things r rlly complicated between them. + she alr has to share her stupid broken ass car w her coolioburger 4yo kid (big shoutout to woopa) like be so fr rn. but hed probably let star in anyway n they just sit there rlly awkwardly n avoid eye contact. basically a huge humbling experience for star that is sure to kickstart a character arc of reconsidering things n becoming a better person n stuff 👍 all because of yaoi

big shoutout to my frjends for this one fr stars arc was like a group project

#woy #woy oc #woy ocs #pbj

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