#and I really just don't deserve them with the way ive been acting

[sodaf]

i feel like im just going to be dead in the end. I'm such a sad sack and my depression has been infiltrating absolutely everything and im losing people because of it but i don't know what to do. sorry im not fun and entertaining 90% of the time anymore I've seen people be uncomfortable to talk to me and I'm really really trying to be positive and not bog people down with my problems but I'm doing really really bad. like i have to be honest im doing absolutely awful qnd I've just been crying about it for the last half hour and it has not been helping me feel any better or lighter

[authorhjk1]

Can you do a headcannon for IVE (except L33se0) on how each of them would ask to be bred and how they would react once they do get their pussy filled with cum. Also I love your fics for SNSD, they are my ults and it's so hard to find fics for them here

Gaeul

You rest your head against the wall. Gaeul is trapped between you and the white, unforgiving surface. Her feet aren't touching the floor, your carrying her, or rather nailing her, against the wall.

"C-Can you please..."

Her words come to a hold, when you fuck her harder.

"Please cum inside?"

Her head sinks down onto your shoulder, but you hear her moaning, begging you to fill her.

Being already close anyway, it only takes you a couple of thrusts, before you finally fill Gaeul. She sighs into your neck, warmth spreading through her body.

"Thank you."

She gives you a weak kiss and as she pulls away, you can see how tired she already is.

Yujin

Yujin's face is buried in the sheets of her bed, so you can't make out what she says at first. But you decide to reach forward. Your hand rests on her head, your fingers reaching her forehead. You pull her up, so she can speak properly, while you keep pounding into her from behind.

"Please breed me, daddy! I deserve it!"

You let her head fall back onto the mattress, you've heared enough.

"I'm begging you."

She tilts her head to the side, so that she doesn't get muffled by the sheets again.

"I've been a good girl, haven't I?"

You both know the answer to that question, but it's not like you have a choice. Yujin's sloppy pussy is the only place you can cum in.

And that's what you're doing now. You push her even further into the mattress, almost lying on top of her, as you dump your load deep inside of her. Once your vision clears, you can see how Yujin opens and closes her fists as she tries to hold onto the sheets. You hear muffled moans, her body twitches once or twice and then she just lies there, catching her breath.

Rei

"Are you going to give me all of it?"

You hesitate, trying to hold on. You're not often this lucky. Usually you're the one who has to satisfy her. But Rei has made it today's mission to drain you completely. Which means she has been riding you for a while now. That cute face looking down on you, asking you to breed her... Who could say no?

"I've worked so hard for it. I deserve to be bred. Please? I'll do anything. And I-"

Rei's eyes roll to the back of her head as she feels you cuming inside of her. Her body freezes, a cute moan escapes her lips.

"Oh my god..."

Eventually, Rei places a hand on her stomach.

"Thank you."

Once again, that cute smile...

Wonyoung

It's always about punishment with Wonyoung. Acting bratty or bad is her way of telling you she wants it hard and rough. Which includes breeding her. At least most of the time.

"Are you really going to breed this naughty princess? I bet you can't even knock me up."

You're tempted to just bite her nose off. She is lying on her back, while you stand in front of the bed, pounding into her. You've leaned down so far by now, that you're almost face to face. You take a hold of her pigtails once more, slightly pulling at them.

"Breed me already, daddy. If I want something, I must get it."

You feel yourself getting closer. If she wasn't this tight... If she wasn't this warm around your cock... If her sweet face wasn't so close to you... Maybe you would be able to teach her a lesson.

But you can't. You're too deep inside of her. You don't even notice how her long, slender legs have wrapped themselves around your body, pulling you in closer.

"Breed your princess, daddy."

Your curse her and yourself as you finally do as she asks of you. Wonyoung moans and sighs in pleasure as she feels your seed filling her womb.

"Daddy..."

She smiles up at you as you slowly back away. You watch how she quickly places her hand over her freshly fucked pussy as you pull out. She manages to keep most of your cum inside.

Liz

This is very unusual for her. The fact that the two of you are in public. And that she is telling you where she wants it.

You're usually having sex in the privacy of your home. And Liz prefers it, when you choose for yourself where you want to cum.

But after her friend told her during dinner that she is having a baby soon, you're now doing your best to to breed Liz in the restaurant's restroom.

"Please... I want it too. C-Can you please cum inside me? As deep as possible? Please?"

She whines and begs and you can't do anything else but do as she asks. You catch her reaching for her panties, which are just loosely hanging around her thighs, when she feels you pulsating inside of her.

"Liz..."

You whisper her name as you cum inside, making her close her eyes, a satisfied smile on her lips.

When you eventually pull out, she quickly puts her panties back on. A moment later, a big wet spot appears on the blue fabric.

[purple-babygirl]

don't call me daddy IV

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x little!f!reader

Word count: 5,540

Summary : In a world where littles are openly themselves, they volunteer to help and be helped by willing caregivers. In spite of himself, Bucky finds himself stuck with one and to keep the nagging away, he has to learn how to be around her with everything that that entails.

Warnings: crying, a flu, coughing, shots, age regression

A/N: forgive me for the lateness with this one. i was very sick, like bed-ridden sick, and when i got a little better i got to writing right away. please be kind to me with this one, i'm still high on meds:" please enjoy xx💜💜

~

“Call me daddy.”

“What?” She was suddenly pulling away as if Bucky was made up of scorching metal.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” He asked with a small smile, wiping any residue tears on his face.

What she wanted… he was only suggesting that she called him daddy because he thought it was what she wanted? Was this his way of returning the favor because she hugged him after a nightmare?

Now she was really hurt.

Bucky was unknowingly emphasizing the fact that he didn’t want this type of relationship, didn’t want her. He was only doing it to show gratitude.

“No.” She shook her head, getting up from the floor.

“No?” Bucky was genuinely confused as he followed her with his eyes.

He thought he was finally making things right, giving her what she wanted.

“I wanna go back.”

“What?!”

“I wanna go back, please take me back.” Her voice wasn’t even sad or frantic, only small and disheartened.

“Back where?! The couch is right there if you wanna go!” Bucky became angry again.

He felt rejected and he felt small. Was it his touch that made her pull back? Was it the daddy thing? Was he so repulsive?

“No, back, out of here.”

“Back where?! It’s the middle of the night!” Bucky raised his voice in frustration, the nightmare nerves barely out of his body.

Has she lost her mind? Why was she acting like this now? What was he supposed to do to please her and her little mind?

“Take me back to Mrs. Morrison,” she insisted calmly as she collected her slippers and stashed them back in her bag.

He looked at her with wide eyes and an open mouth, not getting what happened or where he went wrong.

She wasn’t even tearing up, it was like a switch has flipped inside of her.

“Just— just talk to me, okay? What happened?” Bucky fervently needed her to stop, needed to understand.

“Bucky was right. This isn’t gonna work. Please just take me back.”

Her words reopened Bucky’s wounds that her sweet gestures had once closed. What did she mean “isn’t gonna work”? Was he just deemed irredeemable? Again?

“But why?!”

“I just wanna go back.” Was all she gave him; no explanation and no reasons.

Bucky wouldn’t understand.

“You know what? Fine! I’ll take you back first thing in the morning. Go back to the fucking couch, stay away from me!”

She silently got the wolf stuffie, leaving it on the kitchen counter, and went back, no crying and no trials to correct him on his choice of bad words.

Did she really want to leave? Was she really going to leave him come morning?

~

When it was lit up enough, Bucky went for a run, trying to blow off some steam because he felt like he was about to explode.

Why did he let her in? He shouldn’t have done that. She didn’t deserve to get this close, no one did.

Did he seriously think he was accepted and understood by this stranger after 7 days of time together?

No matter what the purpose she was serving was, she could never understand how hard Bucky had had it.

Still, something kept pulling him to her. Something inside of him didn’t want her to leave him. Not now that he was used to her; that he wanted to be used to her.

It's been only a week and Bucky was ready to give human relationships another chance. She made him feel like healing wasn’t a faraway dream.

He was going to try and talk to her one last time and if she still wanted to leave, he would gladly let her.

When he opened his door, she was dressed and waiting for Bucky on the couch, ready to go.

“So you were serious about leaving?” Bucky asks as he kicks his shoes off.

“Yes. Bucky is gonna take me back, right?”

“If that’s really what you want?”

She didn’t trust her voice so she just nodded.

“Why?”

“Just because.”

“Talk to me like I’m talking to you!” Bucky snapped.

She remained silent this time, not ready for a fight.

“Why do you wanna leave? What did I do?”

“Bucky didn’t do anything.”

“Then what is it?!”

“That is it.”

“What?!”

“Bucky didn’t do anything. Bucky didn’t even look at Doll’s file. Bucky never even called Doll Doll.” Only now did her tears come back, rolling down her cheeks with ease as she spilled out all that she’s been holding inside of her, “Bucky never wanted Doll.”

“I— I didn’t have time to look at the file. We were in a hurry so I picked the first one in the batch!” Bucky tried to explain, but quickly realized what he'd said.

A sob escaped her at the revelation that she was picked at random, that it could’ve been anyone else and that he really never wanted her.

“That’s not what I meant. I— listen, at first maybe I didn’t want you, but it’s different now!”

“Bucky never even picked me?” She cried, her broken voice crushing his heart.

“I—”

“Please take me back.” She wiped at her face, trying to steady her breathing.

“But—”

“Please, Bucky, please.”

The way she begged him with teary eyes and a shaky voice made Bucky stand up despite himself to put his shoes back on to take her back.

He might’ve not gotten a chance to explain himself, but he’s done her enough damage and he wasn’t going to continue being the reason she cried when she has been the reason he stopped.

“Let’s go.” Bucky pursed his lips and opened the door for her, her bag in hand, knowing it will never be the same when he came back.

~

“Doll, now that you’re big at least tell me anything, dear. Did he do anything—”

“He didn’t do anything, Mrs. Morrison. I promise you. Bucky was nothing but a gentleman with me.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s nothing. I just think I wasn’t ready. I shouldn’t have listed my little self as ready.” She shook her head with a polite smile.

Mrs. Morrison wasn’t buying it, but she couldn’t push her anymore.

“Alright, dear. I’ll go finish the report so Bucky’s therapist can get her copy in the morning.”

“Mrs. Morrison, please,” she held the older woman’s hand imploringly, “Bucky didn’t do but good. Make sure you’re just to him in your report.”

“Okay, doll. Whatever you say, dear.” She woman shook her head, giving up the argument before standing up and leaving the room.

It wasn’t the full truth, but she did believe she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t going to be ready for a long time, so it was better if she just went back home and let herself be grounded a little.

~

“Please, I need to see her.” Bucky begged in front of Mrs. Morrison’s desk.

“Not before you tell me what you did to her, Mr. Barnes!”

“I— I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s what she said too, but I know it’s not the truth!”

“Wait, what? I— please let me see her.”

“She’s not here, Sergeant Barnes.”

“What? Where is she?”

“Home,” the woman replied shortly, still mad at Bucky.

“I thought that was where they lived?”

The woman shook her head in disappointment, “you never read your copy of the file, did you?”

Bucky remained silent, too embarrassed to speak. Why did everyone keep asking about the damn file!

“No, they don’t live here. She went back to her life at her house.”

“Well, can you give me the address?”

“Of course, not! That’s private information and you two don’t even seem to have ended on good terms!”

“Please? I need to fix this.”

“You already had time to do that, Mr. Barnes.”

“Well… At least give me a chance to apologize.”

“I don’t know.” The woman hesitated.

“Please, I’ll do anything.” Bucky begged sincerely.

“Anything?” Mrs. Morrison smiled suddenly, making Bucky worry a little, but he meant his words nonetheless.

“Anything.”

~

“Corgi, calm down!” Bucky heard her sweet laugh as she approached the dog’s barks.

“You call your corgi Corgi?” He asked her with a smile.

“Bucky, what are you doing here?” Her smile quickly disappeared and a surprised frown replaced it.

“I—”

“Okay, I finished moving the new planters to the right side like you wanted— hello?” The man who cut Bucky off was offering him a hand.

Bucky shook it coldly, his signature frown staring the man down, “hey.”

“I’m Adam,” the man said with a friendly smile.

“Sergeant James Barnes.”

“Bucky, this is Adam, my best friend and neighbor, Adam, this is Bucky… a friend.” She introduced them, not sure of what to say about Bucky.

Meanwhile, Bucky felt something weigh down on him. Was it the fact that he wished she said more than just “a friend”? Was it the presence of this Adam guy? Was that… jealousy?!

“Right, so I’m gonna go now, but call me if you need anything, okay?” Adam said, looking at them both suspiciously.

“I will. Thank you for today, Adam. You’re the best.” She gave the man a hug, smiling from ear to ear as she did it, too.

That was a smile Bucky has never seen.

“I know I know. Bye, Corgi! Bye, Sergeant, nice to meet you!” Adam shouted as he walked out of her porch.

Bucky only nodded even though he knew the man couldn’t see him. He didn’t care if he was rude. Who was that anyway?

She was expecting Bucky to talk when Adam was gone but he just stood there, fiddling with the bag in his hand as he stared at her, so she didn’t say anything either.

She was done initiating. If he came all the way here on his own, he could start a conversation on his own.

“Who was that?”

“Really? You came all the way here to ask me that?”

He stuttered and swallowed, knowing fully well that he had no right to such a question.

“You seem different.”

“You mean big?” She smiled sadly, noticing how much more comfortable Bucky was dealing with her like that.

Bucky nodded guiltily, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, I do have a life and responsibilities after all.” She shrugged, gesturing to her house and the puppy by her feet.

She was disappointed to say the least. First, he gave her a terrible week with him, then he returned her and never looked back and now he was on her porch for no clear reason or explanation, questioning her and her life?

Still, she felt a spark of hope in her chest at the fact that he was standing before her. There must’ve been a reason he came and it couldn’t be so he could fight more.

Bucky felt embarrassed, tongue-tied with guilt as he’s forgotten everything he has been wanting to say.

Then the sky started speaking for him, thundering loudly and making her jump with a hand on her heart.

“Oh, it’s gonna rain. Let’s go inside.”

For some reason, he assumed she was talking to the puppy but when she kept looking at him, Bucky gratefully moved his feet.

~

Her house was the epitome of coziness. It was a true home and it was nothing like Bucky’s.

It had actual furniture, colorful pieces he knew were carefully picked. It had wallpaper and picture frames and kitchenware and cute mugs and plates.

Only now did he know how much shit she could’ve given him for the place he made her stay in, but she didn’t.

“Bucky!”

“Yes?”

“I asked about your favorite tea.” She smiled, motioning to a number of varieties on her shelves.

“A coffee would be fine.”

“I’ll just make you earl grey with me.” She shrugged, ignoring his choice for a coffee at this relatively late hour of the evening.

“Hey!”

“It’s my house, my rules, old man!”

Wow! Big her was kind of feisty and it was making Bucky smile.

“What do you have there?” She asked, looking at the small plastic bag that Bucky’s been carrying in his hand.

“Oh, I— this is for you.” He handed her the bag, cheeks burning as he was still brand new when it came to such gestures.

“Oreos! And wolfie!” She called out happily when she looked inside the bag, “thank you so much!” She squeezed the tips of his fingers, smiling at him like he’d gotten her a rare diamond.

When she let go of his hand to open the package and taste the cookies, Bucky felt fear settle in his chest at the idea of having lost her forever.

He watched her try to hide the hug she was giving the white stuffed wolf before slipping it to her curious dog, “careful, Corgi.”

She didn’t lecture or blame him about his treatment of her, yes, nor did she even bring up the week she stayed at his house, but would she be willing to forgive him? Would she give him another chance?

Instead of screaming at him, she was sitting him down on a comfortable couch that had a soft blanket draped over it and serving him tea and cake. What kind of angel was she?

“If you don’t like it, I’ll make you coffee. But taste it first,” she set the tray with tea cups and a plate with a couple of cake slices on the little wooden coffee table and Bucky knew the smell of this tray was the only thing missing from her living room.

Now it was all perfect. It suited her so well.

“I made lime key cake this morning so you’re in luck. It goes really well with earl grey,” she told him, trying to get him to talk, to tell her why he was at her place a week later at 9 in the evening.

But he only nodded.

She didn’t push him. She has done enough coaxing and enough pushing. She didn’t have to do that anymore. If Bucky wanted to talk, he would have to talk on his own.

But he didn’t.

An hour later, she was getting sleepy and the rain was pouring even harder.

“I— I better go.” He stood up, patting his pockets nervously as if to make sure his belongings were in place.

So he came all the way here for nothing? He found her house and rode on his motorcycle all the way here for nothing?

“No way, you can’t drive your motor cycle in this rain!”

“I’m a super soldier, I don’t get sick,” Bucky argued with a smile, heart swelling at the idea that she still cared for him.

“I don’t care. The roads are slippery. It’s dangerous!”

“But—”

“No buts. You can have my bed, let me show you the room,” she said, never giving him space for a reply as she led the way to her bedroom.

“You really don’t have to. I can take the couch.” Or the floor

“The couch is mine. Corgi cries at night and doesn’t like to sleep alone. He’s still just a puppy.”

“Why don’t you just move his crate to your bedroom?”

“Because there’s a system in this house, Sergeant. We’re disciplined people.” She smiled playfully, “good night.”

And just like that, Bucky was alone in her bedroom, with her bed and sheets and blankets, where all the pillows smelled like her hair shampoo and the air was light and sweet. He was in heaven.

Bucky took his jacket off, draping it over the armchair by her vanity and her perfumes caught his eye.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, but he couldn’t help himself as he picked up the first bottle and neared it to his nose.

Oh, lord, was this sexy. He imagined himself eating her up if he was to smell this perfume on her skin. It was captivating and it went well with her playful grown up personality.

He tried another bottle and it was a softer scent that he knew all too well. It was the one she wore when she was staying at his house. It smelt angelic, soft and welcoming.

Bucky had to stop himself from going down the line of perfumes because he didn’t think he could keep going.

He’d better go to bed and try to catch a few hours of sleep before the mind attacks started.

Grabbing a pillow that smelled like her, Bucky made himself as comfortable as could be on the wooden floor next to her bed, draping her overly soft blanket on his body.

~

“You call it a disciplined house but you don’t even have a dining table,” Bucky teased as he helped her bring the rest of the plates to the coffee table.

He was right actually. She lied last night. She could easily take Corgi to the bedroom with her, but what kind of hospitality would that be to give Bucky the couch when it was his first time visiting?

“At least my coffee table has space for more than 2 noodle cups,” she teased right back, hardly biting a smile.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at her sassiness, smiling like an idiot at how easy she made everything.

Talking was easy around her. Existing was easy around her. Breathing was easy around her. And oh did he miss her.

“So…” she trailed, pouring orange juice in Bucky’s glass.

She couldn’t stay silent anymore. She had to understand why Bucky found her house and came to her after he’d clearly proven he didn’t want her. She wanted and tried to be the bigger person, but if he had something to say, she was ready to hear it now.

“I— I came here to say I’m sorry,” Bucky finally said the words that have been sitting on the back of his tongue for so long.

“Bucky…” she locked her eyes with his for a second, unable to read him, “you didn’t have to come all the way here. I didn’t tell Mrs. Morrison anything.”

The way she reassured him broke his heart. It was as if she wholeheartedly believed that all Bucky cared about was the final report.

But he cared about so much more. He cared about fixing this. He cared about her.

“I know. I did.”

“What?!”

“I told her everything.”

“Bucky— why?”

“I had to make it right.”

“Well, what did she say?” She chewed her lower lip nervously, worried everything has been ruined for Bucky.

“She made me serve a few hours at the institution and only when she got everyone’s approval did she agree to give me your address.”

“Everyone’s approval of what?” She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“Of my storytelling skills,” Bucky replied proudly, putting some cheese on her plate for her when he noticed her freeze.

“Your storytelling— what?!” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, a huge smile breaking on her face.

“I spent a few nights reading bedtime stories to the residents there and I’ll have you know I did a pretty good job, though most of them wanted lullabies so I stole some of yours—”

“Hold on! You, Bucky Barnes, read bedtime stories and sang lullabies to littles at the institution?”

“Yes, I did.” Bucky nodded with a shrug.

“You did all of this so you could have my address?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I missed you, doll.”

“Doll?” Her eyes instantly teared up at the sole use of the name coming from him.

“And to tell you that I got to meet everyone that was available at the same time you were and none of them could ever compare. They’re all amazing people, but none of them made me feel like you’ve made me feel in that short week,” Bucky admitted softly, eyes hesitant to leave his fingers.

“I was terrible to you and you didn’t deserve any of it. I’m sorry. I know now that I should’ve been better.”

“Bucky, it’s okay,” she said with a content smile, simply satisfied with his presence as she passed him the bread. That apology was genuinely enough for her.

“No, doll, it’s not. I— I did the opposite of everything a caregiver should’ve done. It's just… you made me nervous, scared.” Bucky admitted.

“I scared you?” She scoffed in surprise. She wasn’t expecting this one.

“Yes. The way you were fully yourself, the way you weren’t afraid to show it, the way you did the effort to relieve yourself of whatever you were suffering from, it all scared me. How you openly cried when you needed to. It scared me because I didn’t know how to be like you. I didn’t know how to choose trust and kindness again after everything that had happened to me. Your courage scared me.”

“Oh, Bucky.” Tears rolled down her face as she desperately felt the need to hold him and kiss every inch of him better, “why didn’t you talk to me? I would’ve understood.”

“I tried… that day… but talking about it made me wanna close up on myself even more. It made me more scared. It wasn’t easy. It isn’t easy. And I can’t help it,” Bucky’s voice trembled as he fought his own tears.

He couldn’t believe he said those words out loud to someone else.

She left her seat and went to sit next to Bucky on the couch, her hands finding his and holding onto them for dear life.

“But when I came home to an empty living room after dropping you off at the institution, I knew what I'd lost. I realized what an asshole I’ve been to you. And I missed you. I missed you so much when I closed the door and you weren’t on the couch looking at me,” he poured his heart out to her with tears in his eyes.

She squeezed his hand more, trying to hug his fingers with hers but they were too short to fully cover his hands.

“You don’t have to give me another chance, but I felt like I could’ve died if I didn’t tell you how sorry I was and am. I’m sorry I didn’t give myself time to understand you and appreciate you for everything that you were, doll. I’m sorry I was so stupid and let you slip away from my hands. I’m sorry I was undeserving of your kindness and softness and love,” Bucky told her with tears pouring down his face, matching hers as she finally got to listen to all that he had to say.

“I really am sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t know how to be a good daddy to you and I’m sorry I didn’t try to learn. It’s all my fault because you, doll, deserve someone who would bust their ass trying for you,” Bucky sighed, “but if you’d let me, I’ll spend as much time as you’ll allow me doing that.”

“Thank you for finding me.” She threw herself in his arms and Bucky felt his soul come back to him as he held her tight to his body.

“Thank you for welcoming me back in despite everything I’ve put you through. I know I don’t deserve it.” Bucky squeezed her closer, the smell of her hair calming his senses.

“You’re welcome.” She pulled back to wipe his tears away, giving him a smile prettier than anything he’s ever seen, “now let’s eat before the eggs go cold.” She wiped her eyes quickly before grabbing the spoon and putting some eggs on Bucky’s plate.

“Does that smile mean you forgive me, doll?” Bucky asked hopefully.

“I forgive you, Sarge.” She smiled at him, what was in her heart showing in her eyes.

“You won’t regret it,” he promised, putting some food in his mouth to stop any upcoming tears.

They ate silently in peace for a second before Bucky spoke out.

“Seriously though, who was that Adam guy?!”

“Way to ruin a moment, Bucky,” she teased.

But Bucky didn’t smile. He remained silent waiting for her answer with a tiny frown.

“I told you he’s my best friend and he lives next door.”

 Bucky’s frown deepened slightly. So that man got to see her every day huh?

“With his wife,” she added, biting back a smile as she watched his face relax.

“Don’t toy with me like that, doll.”

“I couldn’t help it. This is all new to me and I’m having fun!”

“Does he come here a lot?”

“Yes, Bucky. It’s what friends do, they visit,” she laughed.

“I don’t see Sam that often and we’re fine.” He shrugged unconvincingly, making her laugh more.

“He’s a good man, you’ll come to like him. Plus, he helped me a lot those past weeks and took care of my garden and Corgi while I was away so I owe him.”

“So I’m seeing a farmer now?” Bucky teased.

“Oh look who’s not so quiet anymore!” She teased back with a giggle, “at least my fridge never runs out of tomatoes.”

“Can I ask you something?” Bucky asked, his face serious again.

She nodded in reply, a smile gracing her patient features.

“Why did it bother you so much when I told you to call me daddy?”

She hummed, letting go of her fork.

“It’s okay if you don’t wanna answ—”

“It made me feel like you were returning a favor. Doing something because you felt like you had to do it, like it was the right thing to do, but not because you really wanted it. Yes, I wanted to call you daddy with my whole heart, but only if you wanted it too. It hurt because at the time I knew you still hadn’t accepted me for who I was and was just saying that so you could repay me for the hug I was giving you.”

“I’m so sorry.” Bucky shock his head in remorse, “I will never understand how you managed to put up with me for a whole week.”

“It’s because I know what it’s like to feel unwanted, Bucky. I know what it feels like to be unloved and unaccepted, especially by those who should give you unconditional love.”

“Family?” Bucky asked with a sad smile.

She nodded with a similar smile, “I know what it’s like to be more than your pain and anger with others only seeing the snapping and frowning. Little me doesn’t want anyone else to feel unloved like that because she knows how bad it all is. So she gives. She’s patient and she’s kind and sometimes I don’t think I could’ve accessed that part of myself if it wasn’t for her.”

“How so?”

“Grown ups are more cautious because they always have the consequences to things like vulnerability right in front of their eyes. We’re more likely to be afraid to show our hearts because we know we could get hurt bad because of it. Little me isn’t scared of that. She wakes up brand new every day. She wears her heart on her sleeve and trusts her love to do the magic.”

“You’re an amazing person.” Bucky raised her hand to his lips to press a timid kiss without much thought, “I guess I have a lot to learn from you, doll.”

“Don’t say stuff like that!” She whined playfully, cheeks going hot as she turned away shyly, “plus, do you have a death wish?” She raised a playful eyebrow.

“It’s true though— what?”

“I didn’t give you permission to kiss me,” she teased, reminding him of the time she kissed his cheek on her first day at his house.

Bucky smiled sheepishly, whispering out an apology even though he knew she was joking.

Bucky stopped himself when she started coughing abruptly.

She’s been coughing a little here and there since morning, but he didn’t think anything of it.

She shook her head, still coughing as she ran to the bathroom, needing to find any sort of cold medicine. She knew what this was.

Bucky hurried behind her, “what’s wrong?”

In a second, she was bending forward, coughing her heart out.

“Are you okay?!”

She shook her head again, trying to calm down, “I thought it was just a sore throat but it’s getting worse.”

“Let’s get you to the doctor,” Bucky said, worry eating away inside his chest as he watched her cough more.

He quickly grabbed her jacket and keys, leading her out to her car.

~

“It’s because I let you sleep on the couch, isn’t it? You got cold,” Bucky said, running his fingers through his hair nervously as he paced around the room.

He hasn’t stopped blaming himself since they’d returned from the doctor’s. She caught a bad flu and Bucky quickly believed it was his fault.

“No, Bucky. It’s not that.”

“You don’t have to defend me, doll. It’s because of me. I’ve managed to hurt you again. And I don’t even use beds. I should’ve never let you sleep out here.”

“Hey! Calm down please! It’s not you... It was me.” She released a sigh, biting her lip.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when the rain got even worse after you went to bed. I thought I’d come out and cover the motorcycle so that it wouldn’t get all muddy and you’d have a hard time cleaning it,” she explained, fiddling with her fingers.

“That’s still because of me,” Bucky sighed.

“Come on, it’s not like you made me!” Her hoarse voice tried to reassure.

Bucky only ran his fingers through his messy hair again, not knowing what to say or do to make this one right.

“Bucky, please, I’m sick. All I want is for you to stay beside me and not blame yourself.” Her frown was back to her beautiful face and Bucky didn’t like it, “can you do that for me?”

He didn’t like how sick and scratchy her voice sounded either so he wasn’t about to make talk more with a throat like that.

“I’ve already proven I suck at taking care of you, doll,” Bucky chuckled sadly.

“Do you want forgiveness or not?” She joked.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’m right here.”

“Is it dangerous for you though? I don’t want you to get it too.”

“I can’t get sick, remember?” Bucky smiled, rubbing her back lightly, “I’m your nurse now.”

“Is that so?” She giggled.

“Yeah.” He nodded confidently.

“You’re definitely not dressed for it,” she teased, giving him her tongue.

“Oh, are you into that kinda thing, doll?” He raised an eyebrow, a playful smile she has never seen before on his pink lips.

“Bucky!” She squealed, hiding her face with the covers, making Bucky laugh.

The sound was heaven to her ears and despite being awfully sick, she couldn’t wish for a better outcome for Bucky’s visit.

“Shit, here it comes again,” she gulped before starting another fit of harsh coughing.

“Bad word,” he whispered to her, making her smile tiredly as she continued coughing.

~

“I don’t wanna go,” she whined as Bucky gently forced her arm inside her jacket.

“We have to. You need your shots to get better.” Bucky covered her head with the hood of her jacket to make sure she was warm before leading her outside.

“But shots hurt,” she whined more with teary eyes.

“I’ll be right there, remember?”

“That’s not gonna do anything!” She whined further.

“Hey!” Bucky pretended to be hurt as he helped her inside the car.

She sighed with a grateful smile, “fine, hugs or I don’t go.”

“Hugs it is.” Bucky smiled back, taking seat next to her before starting the car.

~

“No, no, no, please. I’m not ready, I don’t want it. Give me pills instead, give me pills,” she cried in Bucky’s chest as she saw the doctor get the shot ready.

“Doll, it’s okay, I promise. I got you,” Bucky said, feeling as helpless as ever.

He wished he could get the shots for her, but it wasn’t possible. He could feel something different about her. She looked like she was slipping into her little headspace and it made Bucky nervous, oh so nervous, that he might mess up and not be able to deal with her again.

She barely calmed down enough for Bucky to help her small hands lower her pants just enough for the doctor to have space to push the needle in.

She moaned in pain as she hid her face in Bucky’s chest, crying for real when she felt the strong medicine inside the needle spread inside her.

“It stings. It stings bad,” she sobbed, hands clutching Bucky’s shirt as he covered her behind again and made sure she was properly covered.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. We’re going home now, it’s over,” Bucky cooed, rubbing and patting her back with his big hand.

“It hurts, daddy,” she sniveled in his ear and Bucky froze.

Those innocent teary eyes looking up at him like that made him feel a lot of things. But most importantly, they made him feel like he could do this. He could take care of this sweet girl without messing up this time. Her love would show him how.

“I got you, doll. Daddy’s got you.”

~

part V

~

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[bogor-o]

mother rambles ahoyyy

i think ive said before, but a lot of crowns "influence" on Mother is almost entirely just dulling emotions and it usually does this by means of scrambling their head a little just to disrupt whatever is causing the disturbance and usually its just memories

very early on it's not as bad because they're actively trying not to think about their life before becoming a vessel and as time goes on and they're trying to live in a "virtuous" way that means giving mercy to people who don't deserve it, the crown just softens the wave of emotions that only gradually build up and its what keeps Mother balanced enough to handle a lot of the early years of cult management

the lingering survivors guilt will always chip away at them, ovidia wants to believe they would have done things differently but the reality is that every choice they made before their capture and death was deliberate, and they faced the consequences. being caught and inadvertently led to the deaths of her little sisters was a butterfly effect of ovidia never really letting go of the fear of death, and for a very long time in her denial convincing herself it was because if she didnt look out for herself how could she ensure that her sisters would be safe?

mentally he frames everything as "i did it for their sake" when the reality was "i wanted to live by any means necessary"

ovidias want for a future he envisioned for himself was always a priority in the back of his mind and fueled all his choices: the way he looked for food and how it was divided, always taking a little more than her sisters because "i need the energy to care for them" and it makes sense of course, but it meant they would never have enough

when the hunger made them malnourished and sick that one could no longer stand, the most risk she took was looking for anything to ease her dying.

the youngest was still young enough to lie to, young enough that if she said she would be okay that she would have no other choice but to believe ovidia, she was their caregiver what reason would she have not to.

and the only selfless thing they'd done was still carrying their sister as they ran, but was it just an act of love done too late? or was it because finally now when their moments of away from being caught and killed, did they want to have the appearance of a person who would have done anything for their family?

the thoughts and the guilt are what eat away at his psyche to most and its why the crown has had to intervene so often and numb them.

the way they treat their followers is an idealized version of who they wish they could have been, they wished they could have been virtuous and selfless, loving and caring, a Mother to someone. this also meant becoming ruthless to the opposition and taking out any anger boiling inside out on the bishops and heretics

Becoming Mother is the "best" version of themself and to one day "lose" him and becoming themself again is another challenge entirely that takes a toll on them mentally all over again.

They see themselves as a different person and even attribute all their bloodshed as a different entity all together because its easier than admitting it was always them.

post Mother, they only half accept that truth.

[floofyflowers]

HI ive been brainrotting so could i req naib romantic hcs please?

hi, hope you're having a wonderful start to 2025, lovie! it's been a while, hasn't it? (so sorry i am two years late on this!)

naib subedar x gn!reader - general romantic headcanons ❤️

implied ptsd (naib's), but nothing blatantly discussed!

you're the most wonderful thing to have happened to him in the longest time. he truly, truly treasures you and deeply so.

he's a quiet lover; he'd rather let his actions speak louder, making up for his sparsity in words.

that being said, he loves doing things for you!! oh, you're feeling down today? he soon appears with your favorite drink in hand, holding it out to you, made with his own love.

(/nsx) too tired to bathe yourself? don't worry, he's gently scrubbing your back after a long day.

sometimes, he does struggle with voicing everything he feels.

the love he holds for you runs so deep, yet he could never bring himself to find a way to voice that. all he can do is hope you spot the soft adoration in his eyes as he gazes upon you.

he truly doesn't mean to make you feel unloved; if you asked him to, he would do his best to try affirming his love out loud more often.

his 'i love you's are soft-spoken, a quiet murmur in your ear as the two of you hold each other in bed.

he often gets nightmares, and you have to gently remind him that he can rely on you for comfort. you urge him to wake you up, and he softly hums in acknowledgement; in the end, it's not until much later in your relationship does he let himself wake you up.

in the earlier stages of your relationship, he felt a little guilty. he felt undeserving of your love, of finding solace in you. he believed he was the last person to deserve you.

through your love and time, though, he slowly (very slowly) grows more comfortable in the idea of being loved by you (very, very slowly, though) (did i put enough emphasis on how slow it takes)

you teach him how to look at the world with a little more love, and he teaches you how to take it all a little more slowly :)

in a normal life, outside of the manor, he'd most certainly have a picture of you in his wallet. if someone were to ask about it, he'd tell them that's his spouse/wife/husband.

only lets you mess with his hair!! oh my goodness, his hair is so soft. he doesn't really invest in haircare, but it's still so, so soft and nice. he'd let you braid it, style it, accessorize it, whatever you want (but only behind closed doors).

his love is written in the soft look he has on his face when watching you, in the comforting hold of his hand on your waist, in the little and not-so-little acts he does for you.

speaking of, while it's not his biggest love language, he likes physical touch. he'd rather give it than receive it, but he doesn't mind if you yourself are touchy (i think he just doesn't like being caught off-guard; spontaneous hugs from behind would be a no-go for quiet some time)

he likes caressing your hand, though :) he enjoys cupping the side of your face to observe your features, the face of his beloved.

love lit by candlelight, quiet moments in bed, gentle kisses on the palm of your hand; your love is a soft one :)

not proofread read at all! definitely could do better, and i honestly really liked writing for naib, so i might come back to him again...

[bjornswoman]

Destruction XII

Author's note: Hello, happy New Year to you all! Sorry for being too late to post the last part of these series. However, here it is I hope you will enjoy it!

Pairing: Modern!Ivar x Reader.

Genre: Modern!au, series, fluff, drama, angst.

Warnings: Strong language, mentions of pregnancy.

Destruction | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI

A couple of months later.

You had forgotten the sound of your own giggle the past year. However, those two last months were enough to prove you wrong and remind you that you still contained the ability to feel happy and laugh — finally.

“You can’t be serious!” You exclaimed laughing at your friend Torvi. There had been a long time since you last met each other. Actually, the last time you saw her was before your wedding.

A wedding that never really happened because Ivar decided to take you away. He had confessed that he loved you that same day as well. You could recollect the memory as it was yesterday.

Flashback – Two months ago.

“It’s not what you believe, (Y/N). It wasn’t just revenge for me. You mean a lot to me. You know I am just not good at saying those things and you, also, know that I can be dickhead sometimes. Don’t cry for me. I - I care for you.”

Ivar had said and kissed you like his life was depending on this kiss – like both of your life were depending on this kiss.

“Don’t get married, you don’t deserve being treated like that. Dump that asshole.”

You needed to hear these words back then – you needed a motive to stop that madness. After all, you didn’t love Mason, but Ivar.

You didn’t treat Mason right, so leaving him before this mistake would be the only thing you would do to save him from being miserable next to you – because of you.

“I won’t, Ivar.”

“You are mine.”

“I am yours.”

End of flashback.

“Oh, I’m and that’s not even the end of it.” Torvi continued speaking and got you out of your thoughts about that particular day. “Your mother was about to kill Hvitserk when he announced that Ivar had stolen you – those were the exact words he used.” She laughed. "Besides you know the love your mother contains for Hvitserk." You both laughed at her remark.

It was well-known that your mother loathed the sons of Ragnar – especially Hvitserk. She would call him peccant or sinful. Generally, she would criticize his way of living. Not that Ivar was her favourite brother though, but Hvitserk worked as a red flag for her.

You could picture your mother's face after hearing Hvitserk announcing that the wedding was over because you run away with his brother. You were sure long before Torvi told you about the events of that evening that she was furious – that was the main reason you hadn't even tried to contact her since then.

"What about Mason?" You hesitated to say his name after the way you treated him, though he wasn't honest to you either – as he lied to you about the events of the past and blamed Ivar about his doing.

Anyways, you felt guilt of your own lies, because you acted the very same way you accused Ivar of when you walked away on him.

"Oh well, I heard that he is fine though he and the boys are distant after what happened. He blames them for helping Ivar. Anyways, Ubbe told me that Ivar mentioned that he is after Freydis again."

You could understand the way Mason felt, but you couldn't focus on this after some names were mentioned successively.

"Ivar?" You muttered before you could stop yourself.

"Yes, Freydis told him."

You felt jealous once again about the same thing – you were back to the beginning of this messed up story. You felt weird after everything that happened the last two months in contrast with what Torvi just told you. Maybe you were just overreact, but still you couldn't bear lose again.

Maybe your love wasn't the healthiest one , but it was strong enough to swallow you if he hurt you like he did previously.

"Don't tell me you are jealous." Torvi said smiling after receiving no response from you.

"I'm not jealous of her." You fought back and she chuckled. It was too obvious that you were lying.

"You didn't really tell me what happened with Ivar after you left." She mentioned and you smiled at the memory.

Flashback – Two months ago.

Your heart was full after a very long time it felt half without him. You felt happy again being close to the person who you loved the most. Probably this wasn't the best way to come back together – not even close to be honest – but what was worth it for you was the fact that you were sitting on the passenger's seat of his car and he was on the driver's seat taking you away somewhere that only he knew.

Nobody spoke a word though – an awkward silence was surrounding the car. You didn't know what to say – you didn't know whether you had to say something or not. You knew Ivar by heart and yet you couldn't predict what was inside his head. You knew when he was mad, happy or sad, but you couldn't say what was bothering him.

"Ivar." You breathed and turned your eyes at his figure. "Do-do you love me?" Your voice was barely coming out as a whisper. It was a silly question to ask – even after he crashed your wedding and told you that he cared for you – you wanted to hear him saying this particular word. You hadn't heard him saying it – at least not to you.

"What kind of question is that? Didn't I told that I care for you less than an hour ago?" You could say by hearing the tone of his raised voice that he was getting annoyed by your question. You were aware of the fact that he wasn't good with words – especially this kind of words, but you wanted to hear him saying just for once.

"Why is it so difficult for you to say it again? Tell me, do you love me, Ivar?" You raised your voice out of frustration. You couldn't understand the reason why it had to be that hard for him to tell you about his feelings.

The possibility that he didn't feel that way came in your mind. Maybe he was just possessive when it came to you or it could be obsession the feeling he contained for you. Those could be the actual reasons why he couldn't express his love fore and that would be because it was non-existent.

"Yes!" Ivar yelled with obvious anger at you and hit his hands on the wheel.

"Yes, what?" You pressured him more as you were angry and disappointed at the time because of his inability to express himself to you – the person he was supposed to love.

Ivar hit the brake pedal so forcefully that if you weren't wearing the seatbelt you would be out of the car when it stopped. You turned your face at him and he had already focused his furious blue eyes on you.

"No, Ivar, you don't." With those last words you stormed out of his car and started walking at the opposite way from the one he was driving on. Though, you didn't get to make it far away because his hand grabbed yours tightly and forced you to turn back and face his wrath.

"What do you think you are doing? And what the Hel are you saying?" He growled on your face as you were trying to break-free from his grip to no avail.

You breathed heavily and looked his angry face.

"All you feel about me is some kind of authority and possessiveness as I'm one of your belongings." You spoke and motioned on your hand he was holding firmly. "The worst part of it is that it isn't even new to me to get this treatment from you. You don't love me, because you don't know how to and that's due to the fact that you feel that you don't deserve the love the others are trying to give you. The only thing you know how to do is hurting these people with your childish behaviour." You continued telling him with tears falling from your eyes – tears that you wiped away with your free hand.

Ivar was looking you without speaking, he was just looking at you quite shocked. Behind his anger you could spot guilt and redeem. He knew himself that you were right and that was the most painful part for both of you.

"The next one who will come in your life and try to give you the love you deserve let her." After these words, more tears threatened to fall from your eyes. You grabbed your gown on the palms of both of your hands and took a couple of tiny steps believing that Ivar would let you walk away from him – from his life.

However, such a thing didn't happen because he used the hand of yours he was gripping and pulled back – this time he held you closer to him your bodies were touching. You tried to fight back again, but he was too strong for you in such way that when he pulled you the lacework of your dress was ripped.

This time he even stopped holding your hand and he went for your throat. His grip was as tight or strong as it was on your hand, but it was firm enough to pull your face closer to his.

"Too late for that." Ivar said in raspy voice. "There is someone who has already made my heart beat for her – who have made me feel all of the things you've said before. I didn't know how it felt to be truly loved by somebody because of the problem I faced. I thought everyone pitied me – the poor cripple – until you came. You saw me what love really means – what it is – and I sent you away. When our paths crossed again, I thought that all I felt for you was just lust or possessiveness for a woman who used to be my partner. However, I got hold of my feelings – of my true feelings – after our first kiss in the bowling alley, when I called you to come to that bar to tell you about my conflict with Mason and after we got drunk and went to my house and slept together, remember? In fact, all this was just an excuse because I wanted to see you."

When he finished, Ivar let go off you throat and one of his hands touched your arm as the other when on one of his pockets. His touch was really genuine on your hand.

"I remember." You mumbled and smiled as you remembered that particular night you spent together.

"You want me to tell you that I love you, but you know that I'm difficult with words. Though, for you, I'll say it, but before I have to do something else." Ivar stopped and afterwards his hand got out of his pocket holding a red-whine velvet box.

You looked first at the box shocked and then at Ivar.

"Ivar, you don't have to do that just to prove your words to me." You tried to say, but he stopped you by taking your hand in his, after he opened the small box. As you expected, it contained a ring, but it was not just a random ring he picked. It was the ring you had told him years ago that you wanted to be the one you would be proposed with. It was a unique design which you couldn't find easily, but he did for you.

"I love you." Ivar finally confessed and you could even spot a tear on his cheek. His forehead touched your own as he eyes found yours. "Will you marry me, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?" He asked and you smiled widely.

At the sound of his words, you felt your heart hitting your chest with just force that it was going to rip out of your body.

"Yes! Yes, I will marry you, Ivar Lothbrok!" You exclaimed and kissed him passionately. This kiss wasn't like anything you had experienced. It was different from any other you had shared. One that both of you were expressing within it your deepest feelings about the other person.

When you stopped, Ivar pulled you closer to him again and placed the ring on your finger.

End of flashback.

After that moment that you would never forget about, you spent two months away from everyone you knew. It was just the two of you in the middle of nowhere. However, you had to return back in Kattegat to face the real life and what came after the decisions you made.

Ivar's family welcomed you back and they were glad to hear about your engagement – though they could see it coming. They knew better that you two about the feelings you shared.

So, there you were, talking with Torvi about the days that came after your almost-wedding with Mason.

Torvi looked at you with narrowed eyes and a huge smile on her face.

"And after this you are still jealous? You are crazy girl!" Torvi exclaimed and both of you laughed again. "No, I am being serious now." She said and you both burst into laughter again. "No, seriously now you are getting married with the love of your life!" You smiled and looked back at your feet.

"And that's not even the end of it."

"What do you mean?" Your friend asked confused and your smile became even more wider than it was already. "(Y/N)?" She asked you again anxiously this time.

As an answer, your hand moved on your stomach and you caressed it meaningful. In Torvi's face formed a smile identical to yours.

"Don't tell me that you...." She exclaimed and you tried to prevent her from let everyone know about your little secret.

"Shhhh, I am, but Ivar doesn't know yet. I am going to tell him tonight and then we are sharing it with the others. Keep it for me, okay?" You spoke on a soft tone of voice and Torvi agreed happily before she congratulated you about your pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night.

The night sky was very beautiful – enchanting you could even say. But that wasn't the best part of the night, that part would be the fact that you were sitting next to your fiancé, trying to find the best way of telling him that you were expecting his child as he was engrossed in with laptop with work matters. You were away for so long and matters had piled up.

"Ivar, when do you think that we should get married?" You asked him out of the blue as you stood up and walked through the balcony. Ivar glanced at you for a quick second and then turned his attention back on his laptop.

"I don't know, but we should not rush. In three to four months, what do you think?" He proposed without looking at you and you smiled, because this conversation was taking the way you wanted.

"That won't be convenient. I think that it should happen in one or two months." You continued.

"Why so?"

"I'll have gained weight. I won't feet in any dress."

Your words caught him off guard. He abandoned the computer on the coffee-table and fixed his eyes on you confused.

"What do you mean?" Ivar asked as the edges of his mouth lifted and left the sofa to come closer to you. He stopped on when his body was behind yours.

"What do you want me to mean?"

"Don't riddle me, (Y/N)." His voice was stern and you couldn't help your little smirk. "Are you pregnant?" He asked as his body collided with yours and his muscular hands hugged your torso and stayed on your stomach. Your back was touching on his chest, so you couldn't see his facial expressions. "Tell me." He demanded impatiently and you smiled.

You knew how much he wanted a child – a daughter or a son. You were also aware of the fact that he was delighted when Freydis had told him that she was pregnant in the past and thought it was his child when it wasn't.

"Yes, Ivar." You whispered and tilted your head at the side to catch a glimpse of his reaction to your news. What you saw was a tear slipping from his eye and you smiled again. "Are you happy?"

"No." Your blood froze in your veins and your smile died on your lips. You turned so you could face him. "No, I am not just happy. I'm thrilled!" He exclaimed and you felt your heart beating normally in your chest again.

His hands closed you inside them and one of them caressed your hair softly.

"I love you, wife."

You giggled when you heard him calling you wife.

"I love you, husband."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog, @anotherfan07, @heavenly1927, @zvacu-te-pile-moje

[om0000]

I think Star and Wander would be just as frustrated w/ each other as Wander was with Dom in s2, if not more. Ostensibly, they share the same goals so theoretically it shouldn't be too hard for one to get thru to the other. Problem is, both Wander and Star are very stubborn irt their views and what they think is the right way to go about things. Granted, with s3 being about testing Wander, he likely would've started to question his beliefs abit and eventually become not as stubborn with his views, especially considering Dom blunty turning down his offer of redemption/friendship at the end of s2. Maybe Star would've had a similar arc? What do you think ?

YEAH !!!!!! YEAH LITERALLY !!!!! thx for asking! big oc infodump incoming

thats exactly what ive been thinking of, like SFEF honestly have the universe's best interest in mind. they motivate their actions on the belief that they're right n they're genuinely doing good by freeing galaxies of villains, even if it's in frankly cruel ways n their definition of what is "good" n what is "evil" is extremely black n white n divided. they are the always the good guys n others r the bad guys who are inherently fundamentally evil n dangerous n deserve every terrible thing in the world to happen to them (that worldview is basically exactly what leads to the dehumanization of villains in their eyes n that is what makes it rlly easy for them to do what they do cuz they don't view villains as actual ppl with their own motivations n reasoning but as a disembodied force to be defeated).

star, who is the perfect guy to represent SFEF's beliefs n ideals (like he genuinely does not question them in the slightest he accepts their worldview as his own to the point his self-identity is tied directly to SFEF. the way he goes about fulfilling his duty is sort of tainted by his own personal wants n opinions sometimes, that's why sugar n ultra r there to level it out, but at the core he operates on the same logic as SFEF do, underneath all of their inspiring slogans n speeches of their righteous mission), is also the perfect guy to serve as a contrast to wander. star is literally like helplessness-less wander from the wanders episode. we only got to see him once in the show n the only thing he did was do a cool pose n explain his worldview, so star is basically what would happen if he got to act upon n actively spread his ideology — if wander had to face against someone w his own discarded belief n prove not just to himself but to literally the entire galaxy that it is not the answer

i feel like wander would be absolutely delighted to see SFEF show up at first. new people in the galaxy, and they're here to help, and they're really good at their job and others seem to really like them — this is basically like the hot shot episode situation. but then as their mission goes on hed begin to recognize their approach is flawed AS HELL — hed get that ideological ick from them. the problem is — he's the only one. post-dominator, after his pacifistic approach didn't work and dominator turned out to be an irredeemable sadist who could've only been stopped by force, the yonder galaxy would sorta start questioning wander n be more willing to side w SFEF n their more forceful methods. maybe that would even include sylvia, give her a bit of an arc — ofc shed still stay w wander n in the end shed support him, but judging by her character i feel like she wouldn't be opposed to a team of good guys who stop villains by force instead of trying to befriend them. even if she started warming up to peepers a lot n even cheered for hater in the end of the galaxy, she still doesn't seem to fully agree w wander on the sentiment that villains can be redeemed (quite paradoxical considering she was a redeemed "bad guy". wonder where that stems from). i think an arc of her coming to her own conclusion that wander really is right abt that instead of just going along w all his plans throughout all s3 would do her pretty well. so there goes the testing wander part. no matter how confident in ur own righteousness u are, if literally the entire galaxy rejects ur worldview u can't help but start to question it. that might even work to wander's benefit in a way, cuz his approach admittedly is still kinda flawed, so starting to question it might in the end make it more nuanced n balanced instead — curiously, what tries to break him ends up helping him in its own way. in the end it'd all probably come around to a big epic wander win n a great philosophical conclusion abt pacifism n what is good n evil n how too drenched in nuance everything actually is to apply such simple black n white logic to it. idk exactly how it'll happen but thats how i imagine it

now this part is curious, cuz smth needs to happen to SFEF after they lose right? now um the best outcome would be to show the entire bigass intergalactic SFEF organization the error of their ways so they can use their influence n power for something better — but idk how to actually come to it, cuz it's quite the feat.

what is a bit less of a feat is to redeem just star sugar n ultra in the end. ultra has her own arc going on of gaining conscience n beginning to question SFEF's ways by virtue of their beliefs being programmed into her, n the very act of her gaining free thought goes directly against her programming. so she doesn't have a brainwashed stupidass little head like how star does, which makes it just the tiniest bit easier. wander would come in super handy as a guy who showed an alternative to loyal to their authority soldiers/robots at least two times before. now i just dont know if i should let ultra have her happy ending or give her the beep boop treatment, inevitably shut down for good or sent back to be reset back to her factory settings the moment she stops being convenient to the cause or even worse tries to sabotage it. hard choice

sugar... sugar is a bit of a pickle. they dont go against SFEF but they don't exactly support it either. u see their species — bonbons — due to their physiological advantages, r rlly convenient for SFEF to hire. theyre almost impossible to hurt, have the ability to regenerate, can shift shape freely n can solidify or liquify their body's consistency at will. so basically SFEF practically has control over their homeplanet, in the cultural n societal sense. working for SFEF is like the go-to career there — kinda like the military if they payed better n also didn't endanger ur life so much. so sugar isn't there out of some righteous desire to save the universe, or for glory, or out of obligation — theyre basically there for the bag. its like a 9 to 5 to them. a circumstance. that attitude is outrageous, but that's the point — sugar is rlly detached from reality. they just go w the flow. they dont want to think too hard about the cause theyre contributing to. they dont want to think of the fact their actions have consequences. they dont want to take the lead of their own life. n since they leave it up for grabs SFEF is happy to accept the offer. in order for sugar to have an arc of abandoning SFEF n growing as a person they need something DRASTICCCC to happen, put them in a situation where they have no choice but to take action n actually pick a side. to commit. idk how that'd happen but it would be great trust 🙏🙏

now star. heheheheheh. until just recently i actually didnt even consider a character arc for him. hes a stubborn self-assured delusional fucking blockhead who would rather kill himself than admit he's wrong. i felt like just keeping him that way cuz i didnt see how wander would be able to make him reconsider that wout it feeling forced. but then it came to me, that if there's anything he believes to be as correct as himself — its SFEF. like ive said SFEF is basically tied into his self image now. every "I'm not wrong" automatically translates into "SFEF isn't wrong" n vice versa. n now — what if those sentiments weren't just separated but directly put against eachother, one or the other inevitably false. what if SFEF fired him. its their big final loss, star is forced to admit defeat, mark the end of their mission in the yonder galaxy n just come back to the main SFEF station empty handed. but they don't even let him do that. they just fire him. he fucked up his first mission in a relatively small galaxy that was literally almost wiped out by a huge threat beforehand — like it was perfect picking n he fucked that up. he proved himself worthless n hes not rlly important enough to deserve a second chance from them, they can fire him n literally nothing would change (a big shocker for star who genuinely thought he was all that. in reality they didn't even hire him in the first place cuz of his skills or something — it was because he looked like their mascot 😭 ofc going up the SFEF career ladder to the point they oh so generously allow him to lead a mission took him a lot of effort. but in the end he's just another easily replaceable cog in the machine. he refused to see that until now. he was like the biggest SFEF d-rider ever n he naively thought he meant something in return, that his efforts would pay off, that he'd be recognized for how absolutely jawdroppingly cool n awesome he is, that he has some worth to them — but he doesn't). n so something that was a big part of him, something he built his identity on, now leaves him on the side of the road. n it creates a huge dissonance — n he can't figure out whether he's wrong for fucking up n being a fucking loser or they're wrong for firing him, cuz both of those r thoughts he refused to even consider before. now probably for the first time in his life he's forced to come face to face w the fact he failed, in a way he can't brush off or takw himself back from after. to make matters worse he's basically homeless now lmao cuz he used to live on the SFEF spaceship station until they fired him n he cant come back to his parents house cuz that's the most shameful humiliating shit ever to him n hed rather kill himself than let his parents know the fucking SFEF fired his ass cuz its kinda a big deal 👍 n so there goes wonder — @catfacedcat's oc

some exposition so wonder is a criminal who keeps getting away n hes basically like stars arch nemesis n they also have a bit of a Thing going on. toxic yaoi situationship. now to star wonder was like. a spot on his squeaky clean self image. falling for a criminal n ur enemy is basically... a flaw. a weakness. an inevitable loss n stuff. actually there was smth rlly good that came out of it, interacting w wonder a lot n warming up to him made star question a bit maybe he's not such a fundamentally evil terrible badguy after all. like "maybe nuance is real n bad ppl r still ppl hmmm ☝️☝️ nah no way" or whatever. so what i mean to say is star is at the lowest of the lows rn right. this is that inevitable loss. hes the spot on his own made up image of himself that he couldn't live up to. so he goes to the guy who he feels he belongs w most now — wonder. belongs not in a romantic sense(ok maybe a romantic sense too) but in a "ure the only person im vaguely close to who i feel like could look me in the eyes rn simultaneously the only person id let see me cuz the very act of me feeling anything towards u was already a step so low for me that begging u to let me stay w u doesn't even feel like going much lower. anyway so can u let me in ure my only hope 🥺" sense. so he just stands outside of wonders car cuz wonder doesnt even have a fucking house either, holding a cardboard box w 3 shirts 10 ties n a cactus, completely drenched out in the rain probably fell in a fucking puddle on the way. n i feel like he doesn't even expect him to open the door. n wonder wouldn't really be to blame if he didn't like things r rlly complicated between them. + she alr has to share her stupid broken ass car w her coolioburger 4yo kid (big shoutout to woopa) like be so fr rn. but hed probably let star in anyway n they just sit there rlly awkwardly n avoid eye contact. basically a huge humbling experience for star that is sure to kickstart a character arc of reconsidering things n becoming a better person n stuff 👍 all because of yaoi

big shoutout to my frjends for this one fr stars arc was like a group project

[ihopesocomic]

hi hello, been following the comic for quite a while now, decided to give it a read after discovering your MP review (i was still a MP fan when i first watched it LOL, pretty embarrassing.) and ive been in love with the comic ever since, i absolutely LOVE how everyone is written, but i really want to talk about the difference between vicious and powerstrike.

both showed the mothers being nice (to some degree) to their daughters, but powerstrike's sudden abusive behavior towards nothing never made sense because, frankly, theres no reason for her to be acting like this other than that shes an ableist turd, and she has a perfectly normal relationship with said person that hurt her daughter... vicious' relationship with jasper on the other hand has been shown to be abusive, and even though vicious is horrible, shes is a victim of jasper's abuse, and her repeating the abuse onto her children comes off as her trying to maintain control over things.

i hate powerstrike, its not even like a love hate thing, shes horribly written and doesnt deserve redemption. on the other hand, i love and hate vicious, she has so much more depths and UGHH the writing in IHS really tugs at my heart, its just so good.

apologies for the ramble, im really looking forward to see where this story goes <3

Thank you so so much, anon!

And yeah, even though Powerstrike was "nice" to Nothing for all but five seconds, we just had to have the insinuation that having a dead kid is better than having a disabled one.

And then there's a whole damned speech in Episode 5, which would absolutely be indefensible in any other circumstance but, for whatever reason, MP fans seem to somehow think Powerstrike's speech somehow translates to her being a victim as well, even though whatever victimhood she has is never explored. She's only shown being quite content with the so-called 'cult' she's stuck in, having positive interactions with Quickmane and so on.

She never defends her disabled daughter (because if she truly cared about Nothing, why didn't she defend her from Quickmane in Episode 5?) nor her remaining son. She also never mentions her dead mate and son once, even though she's shown mourning for her mother, who had not only lived a full life but treated her family as ruthlessly as she did by being a religious zealot.

While the show also portrays Sharptongue as being loving and supportive to the point it completely slips under the viewer's radar, including those who say they don't like the show. Honestly, fuck both Powerstrike and Sharptongue. I can't express that enough. lol

But I feel that's purely a consequence of My Pride trying to make its characters complex and two-dimensional but thinking that a way to do that is to have character motivations that cancel each other out be present at the same time. You can't have a character be an abusive parent and be portrayed as somebody automatically worthy of redemption and 'aww, she loves her punchbag really!'.

You can't have a religious zealot who was cool with a murderer strolling into the family home and kill several members of said family "bc Pride Law lol" while also being portrayed as supportive and kind. It's not only poor writing, it's just weird as all hell.

Instead of being insecure about having 'deep' characters and trying to cram so many things into a character so that your audience doesn't 'miss the memo' (which a lot of them won't because they're not unintelligent), a lot of things can just be left unsaid and the audience can figure it out from there. Like Vicious being an abuse victim. Abuse causes a lot of psychological issues and can warp a person over time. This is very well documented. Boom. We don't really need to say or show anymore.

So, thank you very much for taking a notice, anon. It's always appreciated when these methods we use in the writing pay off! c: - RJ

[thesnailtail]

hello neutual (new mutual). the idea of your MMJ -> Niigo genreswap is eating at my brain . I'm incredibly interested

;; hello neutual!!!!

;; is this an invitation to infodump? im taking this as an invitation to infodump :3

;; more more jump! the anonymous music circle who's members hide away from the public.

;; jist of everything is that minori "rinrin" starts composing to improve her abilities in idol auditions (don't question it), then (in order) airi "riri" gets roped in as the mv maker, then shizuku "rook" as the artist and after a whole lotta plot and sekai shenanigans, haruka "ruka" as the lyricist.

;; their personalities and whatnot are mostly the same. minori is super energetic and hopeful, for all except three hours of the day where she's the opposite (luckily she's usually asleep), haruka is haruka except sleep deprived and the guilt complex is worse, talking to airi is a 50/50 on whether she'll glare at you or walk away and shizuku... we'll get to that.

;; their sekai is the fairytale sekai and it's basically a massive forest, except for the one massive clearing that has a stage. except the stage is not in good condition..

;; each vocaloid is based off of a different fairytale thing. miku (princess) and luka (witch) are their starting vocaloids, but (in order) rin (some sorta forest spirit-esque thing) shows up in colour of myself, meiko (mythical creature tamer) shows up in you deserve it! break time!, kaito (royalty) shows up for worldwide wander and len (also some sorta forest spirit-esque thing) shows up at some other point that i haven't decided.

;; the order of events is slightly shuffled, only because colour of myself needs to be first. because colour of myself is the "shizuku quit your job" event. did i mention that she didn't quit during the main story? yeah she never gets the push she needs to quit and stays there. -> because the cloverdamned turning point quote is haruai

;; which leads back to the "and shizuku... we'll get to that." comment. yeah she's not doing well. she's been balancing work and these meetings (one of which she enjoys and finds comfort in. hint: it isn't the one involving her groupmates who hate her) so she's stressed, dealing with perfectionism and all that.

;; at some point in colour of myself, minori gets really sick and shizuku is very iffy about it. (her and rin were witness to minori starting her "sekai research", part one of which was to eat plants in the sekai. something bad happened.) that's the most random fact anyway continuing on

;; minori solves her problems in every event by getting a whole lot of sugar in her system, acting like 'normal' then sugar crashing at about four am. which is when she sleeps for three hours or just cries for no discernable reason. then she repeats this at seven am.

;; group relationship wise is funny because. minori is more chill about being in a group with the other three (having worked out their identities way before they all worked out each others and having time to process that).

;; so minoharu is along the lines of "ruka-chan responds to my kindness with trust issues. what do i do"

;; minoai is airi daring minori to do dumb stuff and minori doing it then airi getting incredibly concerned as she injures herself in more and more unhinged ways

;; and minoshizu is "[says anything]" "yeah, same".

;; haruai are attempting to murder each other at any given point. i would be joking but one of their first interactions (that ive written) in sekai is: "oh are you not gonna say hello to your groupmate momoi?" "go fuck yourself." "id rather not."

;; harushizu are looking at each other's situations and going "at least mine isn't that bad". <- they are both bad in different ways

;; shizuai is shizuai. airi is the main encourager for shizuku getting out of cheerful*days and shizuku is the number one fan of airi.

;; all of them are clingy, in very different ways. minori just needs to be able to hear them over call or see them and she's happy. shizuku will just grab onto people (airi or minori usually). airi and haruka act like they aren't clingy but panic if they haven't heard anything from one of their groupmates in a day.

;; this au is where the minoshizu part of this fic came from!

[chaifootsteps]

"stella is evil because straight people cant accept when a gay person isnt attracted to them" is arguably the one worst take ive seen a diehard fan spew about this show.

a complete disregard for the way stella feels and acts on screen:

- hates stolas for sleeping with an imp. not for sleeping with another man. doesnt mention once that stolas slept with another man.

- was never attracted to stolas at all. hates him. has always hated him. loves to "torment" him. forced to be apart of an art marriage just as much as he was and obviously didnt want this.

when you cant look at the subtext and dialogue to come up with a motivation for a villian that makes sense, then youre not watching the show at all. youre just projecting homophobia onto a villian so you can justify completely hating them, because fans understand that this show desperately wants us to hate stella; regardless of small possibilities of sympathetic aspects to her.

like i could see them emphasizing her being a bigot to imps, just, not to gay people. her being a homophobe NOW wouldnt be believable since they not only missed that chance, and were at mid to late season 2 in a 4 season long show.

but overall, her motivations for evil are really flimsy and dont make a lot of sense either. (she wants stolases things? why? just to have things? because she loves being rich and being smug towards him? and why does she want stolas dead if she never actually cared about him cheating? just to have his things? why did she say "i want this cheating prick dead" if she didnt actually care about him cheating like stolas said?)

jack horner was fueled by spite that came from a simple but sympathetic place, and it didnt justify his evil. stella being envious of stolas could be a great reason for her to be evil, because he does have more then her. he has powers, an all powerful family artifact that can take him to the human world; he has purpose. stellas purpose is for an egg to be shot outta her hole! that hypothetical motivation wouldn't justify her trying to kill stolas, but itd make a lot more sense.

morally bad character can have sympathetic reasons for being bad, without it taking away from them being a bad person, or the bad things they did, or make them deserving of a redemption arc. i think thats something that viv, adam, and her diehard fans dont understand at all.

and if youre not gonna make her sympathetic, then goddamn, at least make her fun to watch. she consistently hasnt been and its like the show is actively trying to make her less likable and more stupid whenever she shows up, and i dont get why.

Frankly, that person's twitter feed is one of the most delusional things I've ever seen; at one point they say they hate "swearing without nuance."

This is all good stuff, however, especially "at least make her fun to watch," because that's key right there. Villains don't always have to be nuanced, but they at least have to be entertaining.

[fairuzfan]

ahlan. maybe ignore this if you’re not american, but ive seen what you’ve said about biden and i obviously agree hes a bloodthirsty motherfucker who doesn’t deserve a single vote from people who claim to care about palestine. but as a palestinian myself, what do you say to these americans that are like “well what else are we supposed to do, vote for trump?” cuz i genuinely am not sure myself either.

my first thought would be to just not vote or vote for a third party and focus on calling represantatives and marching in the streets until some semblance of change can occur. But I wonder how practical that really is.

A part of me is screaming very loudly about how idgaf about practicality and if they really cared then they would act in a more direct manner because it seems very whiney for them to be like “we dont have a choice :(( hes the lesser of two evils” (the dude whos playing a huge role in committing a literal genocide) when people in gaza are going through literal hell. it boils my blood but im trying to think of what they can do really and set my emotions aside for a second.

Do you have any thoughts on this? and thanks for taking the time to read btw.

No problem, Ahlan to you also!

Honestly I'm not voting on a federal level. Congress, senate, and the president have blatantly shown us they don't care about our opinions. We have been calling and emailing for months and they just flat out ignore us. So what's the point in voting if they're not going to listen to us? I told them that I won't vote for them unless they call for a ceasefire and I mean it!

I see Claudia de la Cruz seems to be popular, I'm not especially motivated in voting for anyone for president but you personally might be interested in looking into it.

I just genuinely don't see the point in voting for president since I think the whole system is messed up and I'm not sure anyone can fix it. So I choose not to participate beyond local elections. But that might not feel like it's helpful, and again, I don't think you should take my word for it lol but it's just my perspective. I don't think people who vote for Biden are necessarily.... bad people all the time but I do think people who pretend like they're doing a great service to others by voting for him are objectively bad. Like I don't care, if you're trying to pass off the genocide of Palestinians and the third nakba as a "necessary evil" then I think you're a bad person and I will never take what you say about politics seriously.

People pretend like we are protecting democracy by voting blue but when democrats just blatantly ignore us as we overwhelmingly participate in dissent in the ways our "democracy" allows us.... then sorry we don't live in a democracy. Full stop.

I'm not sure if what I said was reassuring or anything, and again, I think you should still look into the candidates and arrive at your own conclusion but I am thoroughly disillusioned by the entire system and I don't think anything will change that anytime soon.

[univemma]

I have my problems with the hidden world, like many others. And i just want to gather all my thoughts in one place here because i feel like many agree that the ending itself isnt the problem, but how they did it. For me, personally, they ruined it with the reactions to the dragons leaving. Specifically, the reactions of the dragons.

First, we have Meatlug, who in the past has been shown thay merely HEARING FISHLEGS' VOICE causes her to become overwhelmed with excitement. (RTTE S2E9)

And yet here, she looks like this:

Like?? Not even a frown when she's leaving Fishlegs, who is clearly her favourite person in the world (literally watch ANY HTTYD media and this is made abundantly clear).

Moving on, we have Barf and Belch. Now it can be said that the twins and their dragon don't really have as many emotional dragon-rider moments as the others, but it is still clear that Barf and Belch love their riders. Except here:

The twins look DEVASTATED, meanwhile they (sorry belch is cropped here I couldnt get a ss with both in it) hardly look sad. Barf at least looks a little upset but still, its borderline.

And moving on, to perhaps what angers me the most, Snotlout & Hookfang. These two are easily my fav dragon-rider duo/team, and for many reasons.

Very quickly, allow me to take you back to RTTE S1E13, in which Hookfang goes out of his way to protect "Girl-Hookfang" and her eggs from a Titanwing Monsterous Nightmare when she sends out what Hiccup describes as a "distress signal".

When Snotlout tells Hookfang to choose between him and the dragon, he ultimately chooses defending her. But at the prospect of leaving Snotlout, he looks LIKE THIS:

He looked MISERABLE and even made sad little dragon noises (idk how to describe them im sorry). So,

TELL ME WHY

IN THE HIDDEN WORLD

HE LOOKS LIKE THIS

SNOTLOUT LOOKS LIKE HES LISTENED TO AN ENTIRE MITSKI ALBUM, BROS FUCKING SOBBING SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP.

And Hookfang hardly even looks at him, just kinda gives him a sideways glance. Like

HELLO???! And ONE OF THESE had a lower budget as a TV show AND a lower quality model (which, unrelated, ive seen some people really dislike but I think the show models are great!)

The only one to act somewhat appropriately is Toothless, who warbles and makes his little dragon noises at Hiccup, almost talking with him, they have their big heartfelt moment and their cute hug before he leaves. Because of course they get it, its Hiccup and Toothless.

And yeah i get it that clearly the dragons are sick and tired of hunters and therefore understand the need to leave. But they dont even look sad! Breaks my heart because after three movies, two tv shows and all the specials of the dragons and riders bonding and caring for each other and they don't even get a heartfelt goodbye.

And let us not forget that Snotlout, Fishlegs and the twins, who have been riders since the FIRST MOVIE, and main characters in their own right for years, don't even get a GOODBYE LINE?? LIKE LITERALLY, Astrid and Valka? Absolutely, they deserve it. Gobber? Sure, he hasn't known grump nearly as long but he's been a relevant and important main character as long as the kids. And Eret-

Now, I love Eret. He's cool. He's great. Love a hunter turned rider.

But WHY DID THEY GIVE A LINE TO HIM AND SKULLCRUSHER (approx. 1 year relationship) OVER THE SIX YEARS OF FISHLEGS, RUFF, TUFF AND SNOTLOUT? THEY DONT EVEN GET A "Goodbye." WHAT.

And again thats not me shitting on Eret getting one, its on the others NOT

And this isnt even beginning to mention Valka and Cloudjumper do not START ME on their TWENTY YEAR FRIENDSHIP AND BOND BEING TORN APART IN A ONE MINUTE GOODBYE.

Anyways on a lighter note, the parallel with Hiccup removing his hand from Toothless in a reverse of the first time they touched all those years ago always gets me emotional. My fav part about the ending.

And that's pretty much all I like about it LMAOO

[dresden-syndrome]

Whumpers of the state:

1) How did you acquire your whumpee? How hard it was?

14) Your favorite torture method?

Whumpees (class IV):

8) How would you describe your whumper?

36) What does your whumper usually force you to do? Which of these things do you hate the most?

1) How did you acquire your whumpee? How hard it was?

14) Your favorite torture method?

" There's nothing complex in getting a class 4 traitor for personal use. If your position is high enough and you want to take a more... personal approach to breaking the enemy, you choose a subject, file a request and he's yours; he will be stated in the list of your State-supplied personal belongings along with your home, car and radio. And unlike a house or a radio, the State grants you the right to use him however you want. Those traitor boys can be obtained either at a facility using class 4 subjects or a class 4 detention unit - in that case you'll need to wait before the detention time ends. I've picked mine at detention; I needed exactly him so the wait was worth it." "Favorite method of torture? First, I appreciate your language, comrade. You don't seem like one of those humanists pitying the most vicious enemies of our socialist order; those have no place in State Security. Their barbaric actions are a torture to our peace and prosperity, torture is what they rightfully deserve. Ever since the old days of firing squads and bourgeoise vermin left from the past and battles for West Berlin, I've done my help at bringing the counter-revolution to my knees. One of my favorite ways was exactly that: bringing to their knees. Then lay them down and press my boot over their head. Step at them. Make them kiss it. They need to know for sure who's in power. They need to know their place." "Now I don't interrogate at our detention prison that much; I have my own pathetic traitor boy struggling to learn who he belongs to. Same method with him. He knows how our new military boots feel like, even when he acts like he doesn't. Wait there, comrade. I can bring him for you to see." -Erhardt Wilhelm Günther, Minister of State Security 28/X-1963.

8) How would you describe your whumper?

36) What does your whumper usually force you to do? Which of these things do you hate the most?

"Scumbag. War criminal scumbag. Look, if anyone, except our allies, saw what he's doing it's gonna be a new war crime trial for all Europe to see. Can't wait for that. Can't wait for that sicko tyrant in cuffs for crimes against humanity, like they did in Nuremberg back when I was in my momma's stroller. This fucking country needs it again, really. Look what he's done to me. It's so... I'm sick of it. Look at that dog collar, look at that fucking branding tag like on a cow... I'm trapped with him and everyone's fucking glad he's torturing me here. Honestly for now it's the worst, he's the worst..." "You know what he forces me to do? Ok, ok, I know I'm a piece of garbage, I'm helping those sadists and making them happier when I should fight for our people to be independent and make them free... No? Just because I'm forced to? You're kidding me. They wouldn't have anyone to fall on his knees and sitting on anyone's lap at parties if I wasn't there. Can I not tell what's the worst they've been doing to me please? Just beat me up for being a fucking collaborator if you want. Next time that sicko demands something - whatever, lay under the table, get on the knees, sit still when he pets and kisses me, wear those disgusting kiddie pants, talk in German, read "The State and Revolution" or something - I won't do that, I'll run, I'll bite if anyone touches me. It won't end well, I'll have to do that. But I need to try again. Maybe I'm a collaborator but not the easy one to break." -Class 4 subject SB-7067 (Radím Štušek) 28/X-1963.

[melloneah]

this is all for the writer ask!!! :3 hope it's not too much >_<" answer the ones you're comfortable answering and don't force yourself to answer all of them if you don't want to! <3

🌵🥤🌻🍄📚 🍬🔪🥐🏜🦋🐝🧩

EHEHEHEHEHHE NEVER TOO MUCH THANK U SMMMMMM 🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

i dont really listen to premade playlists, so ill link mine >:333 this is a playlist i made for a roadtrip to berlin, including all the songs i was listening to at the time, and ive since been adding new ones actively, so it's literally just a huge list of everything i love :D 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

first of all gonna plug my besties ofc @levi-dayne writes sick ass fics for death note @uriekukistan writes amazing itafushi angst (and not only :33) SENDING BOTH OF THEM SMOOCHES GO READ THEIR STUFF! and a fic that id read recently and LOVEDDD was all about love by fullvoid (@casgore on here :3) the yuuji characterisation broke my heart - it was a gutwrenchingly real way of depicting mental illness, and i loved seeing how different he acted around people vs alone. and it was super cool seeing a healed megumi helping yuuji rather than the other way around!!! HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!!

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis FIRST OF ALL U!!!!!! i love the mutual interactions THANK U FOR BEING HERE!!!! @alonelystargazer is very sweet and i interact with her pretty regularly i feel :3 THANK U FOR INTERACTING WINNIE!!!!<3 cant think of anymore rn but if i do i WILL edit this post TRUST 🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

megumi likes penne but yuuji hates it so they always disagree over pasta shape if theyre making it for dinner. yuuji always wins bc his favourite is spaghetti and obviously everyone likes spaghetti so megumi doesnt bother fighting him on it 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

HEHEHEHEH nervous. lets see "what kinda gay shit goes on around here when im not around" LMAO the choso x todo wip in action. what a quote thank u past me. you'll find out the context once i post it sjdhfgsjhfks

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

hmmmmm from random shit i think like. 1980s window designs in england lmaooo

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

answered here :333

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

ARRGRHRG ANY COMMENT. i get so excited u cant even imagine. i sometimes type 'AO3' in my gmail just to delude myself that i got a comment and get that little pang of joy seeing the notif 😭 my favvvv must be ones that quote certain lines tho bc then im like HEY!!!! I WROTE THAT!!!! U LIKED THAT??? DUDE UR NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS I WROTE IT

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately

i feel like an everpresent topic ive had on my mind especially often for the last year is kindness. there's a multitude of things i could say, whether that's bashing people for lacking it, or get all teary over how beautiful it is (which!! it is!!!) but i think what ive recently discovered is that it's my only constant :3 when everything else goes wrong, that's all i have, and im really happy it's second nature to me (altho im still actively working on making myself better!!!!)

yeah, maybe everything sucks right now, but i know i can make someone else's day better :3 and often it makes things a little more okay to me too

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

RAHHGHG BESTIES. question for the bestiessss

@levi-dayne is so dear to my heart!!! such a sweet and kind person, who truly and deeply cares about others!!!! makes music, writes well AND ALSO DRAWS??!!! amazing and super talented person with super high ambitions too!!! SO SLAYFUL. what did i do to deserve such a slayful friend<333

@uriekukistan is one of the most naturally talented ppl i know!!!!! they write amazing fics, can DANCE super well, and took up drawing like 3 seconds ago and are already churning out really cool stuff on a fucking TOUCHPAD. ON THEIR LAPTOP. gofundme for rin graphic art kit when?? also ofc. a really good friend and very kind person :3333 <333

ILYSM BESTIESSSS

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

from a writing style perspective: first person and tense switches

from a content perspective: anything fucked up like noncon or incest....how tf are they often not tagged like??? or putting that at the bottom of the warnings list 😭 oh yea im far more concerned about swearing and underage drinking......

something im picky abt that sometimes annoys me enough to click off but i feel like it's just a weird personal preference is the overuse of alternatives to a characters name. so using "the brunette" like 5 times. just say his name!!!!! it's ok!!!!!

RAHHHHHH i usually reread my answers before i post but not this time. adios fuckers i dont remember what bullshit i wrote here but ur left with the consequences. if u wanna deal with even more of my terrible takes ASK ME STUFF

[souverian-are-we]

my browser is acting up and im impatient so instead of an ao3 comment, it's inbox ask time:

not only because of the nb exploration in No Lifeguard On Duty, but the theme of trusting your body as your guide... that has been really meaningful to me. i was just reflecting on that idea (irl, not related to the fic) and how the body can tell us everything and how much we ignore the calls coming literally from inside the house to brush them off in favour of inauthentic course correction/repression which destroys us (lmao heavy/important stuff!) when i was thinking about that, the lines from mike saying he has to trust his body popped into my head. lol had to tell you that.

it's how ive been feeling a lot lately and, like his character in ur fic, rn it is just about the best and only route to take! surrender and trust n all that lol. anyway, have a feeling this gonna stay with me :) thank you so much for writing it that way <3

friend, everything you are saying here is GOLD. and also so, so kind. thank you.

you're absolutely right in what you say about the ways we ignore the messages we're being sent from ourselves. the call IS coming from inside the house! it DOES destroy us!! inauthentic course correction/repression YES YES YES

honestly, if think about the times i ignore the signals of my body most, and they're at times of lowest self-love. moments where i have a deep distrust of myself or my identity, or when don't feel i deserve to yield to my body's needs.

it is RADICAL to believe yourself and to trust the signals your body is sending you. it can be hard to find those quiet messages over the din of your mind lmao, or of the world. I believe in you, friend! YES! SURRENDER! TRUST! ITS THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE!! wishing you all the best, hoping for meaning and light and comfort for you. <3

thanks for such a lovely message. your meaning-making is always more gorgeous than the actual themes i include in fic haha.

anyway, go listen to your body!

[ohthethingswedoforlove]

Hai there!!:D I hope ur having an amazing day, ive never like requested a fanfic b4 so I’m so so sorry if I do smth wrong?😭 but I really really loved ur Sal fanfic and I was wondering if you’d consider maybe doing a part 2 about living in the sea of death with him being his “lover” and allat hehe TYSM!!

Hi, I’m so glad you liked the Sal one! And don’t worry, your request is just fine haha, of course I’ll write some more for him! What can I say, he’s one of my old faves.

Warnings: yandere character; descriptions of violence and blood; imprisonment; mentions of death;

Sal

❤️ There's this constant contradiction when it comes to Sal, especially after the Red Sea has taken over and he no longer needs to keep an act.

❤️ For a sadistic bastard that no longer needs to keep up false pleasantries or exercise any sort of restraint, he's still surprisingly... Cheery?

❤️ One might even mistake it for him being nice, perhaps even kind, towards you. As long as you play along with whatever he wants, of course.

❤️ And if you don't? Well, there's only so much torture one can take before they start cracking, right?

❤️ Because Sal never stopped being violent. It's one of his favorite pastimes, actually!

❤️ It's just you, him, and this dark cell he keeps you trapped in that's stained with your now dried blood. And they say romance is dead!

❤️ That's where you'll spend all your time until he considers that you've been sufficiently integrated into the Red Sea. And he's the only person you get to see and interact with, the only thing keeping you from rotting in this place.

❤️ But he does have the grace, and how generous of him it is, to not actually go overboard when it comes to you. He wants you agreeable, not dead.

❤️ He really, really doesn't want you dead. And, well, there are fates worse than death.

❤️ Sal is convinced he can make you see things his way, that you'll "open your eyes" just like he once did. You'll embrace the Red Sea, and with it, him.

❤️ He'll break your spirit eventually. He's a very patient man, as you've unfortunately come to understand.

❤️ And you can fight back if you want! He doesn't discourage it, in fact he seems... Weirdly amused by your violent outbursts. He might enjoy being on the receiving end of your anger just a little bit too much. 

❤️ Which only adds fuel to your despair and his insistence that you two are getting along so well!

❤️ He likes to talk about your "relationship" to literally everyone around him, the residents of the Red Sea growing very intimately familiar with how fixated he is on you. 

❤️ None of them care, of course not, you're not getting any sympathy or help. And there's in fact something rather irritating about the way he so confidently says you two love each other, always in such a singsong, overly saccharine manner.

❤️ But there are moments where his cheerful veneer falls. If you refuse to talk to him, if you pretend he's not there, if you do your damndest to spite him in a way he doesn't find too funny. He gets angry, furious even.

❤️ It's always such a meticulous fury too, barely contained as his hands ball into fists with such force it draws blood, as his frame shakes ever so slightly. As his grin drops, he starts talking about this is the happiness he deserves, about how he suffered so much and only now things are finally in his favor. What makes you think you have a choice in this?

❤️ You might actually bring up this strangely sadden side of him without the anger accompanying it, if you actually bother to strike conversations and, at least pretend to, care about him. Everything he says is veiled in such vagueness, you'll never feel like you actually know who Sal is. Or who he used to be.

❤️ The past is the past, afterall, and who cares about the naive, useless person he used to be? What matters is right here, right now, with you in the Red Sea. He's happy.

❤️ And soon you'll be happy too, with him.

❤️ He does have an eternity to make you love him, afterall!