#and I mean that in the most affectionate way

[mindless-existence1]

Kpop Demon Hunters

Humanized!Saja Boys x Reader Headcannons

Summery: Fluff and Smut headcannons about the Saja Boys as boyfriends (separate)

Authors note: I FINISHED WRITING THIS AND THEN IT DELETED AND I HAD TO REWRITE THE WHOLE THING anyway requests open

This includes Jinu, Baby, and Abby pt2 will have Mystery and Romance

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jinu Fluff

Hes the most used to being a human but that doesnt mean hes any good at the whole dating thing.

When you first start dating any of his "smoothness" goes straight of the window and he becomes very nervous around you

Eventually though he becomes more relaxed and really shows his true self.

I think his love langue is a mix of gift giving and physical touch

Hes the type of guy to see something that reminds him of you and he gets it

Doesn't let you pay for anything cuz hes there for you

And being an idol is a stressing thing so especially after a big preformance all he needs is to cuddle

His favorite thing is cuddled up under a huge blanket after practice and just getting to have a break with you

Jinu smut

Definitely a switch in my mind he has that dominant vibe but there are times he wants to be taken care of

After really good performances hes dominant, hes on an adrenaline rush and feels on top of the world

I see him as a soft dom because hes worried hes going to hurt you in some way

But if he gets really mad or upset he just needs a good fuck and he just lets himself go

His aftercare is immaculate tho dont get me wrong he cleans you, gets your anything you want/need, a hot bath, etc

The opposite though is when hes upset and wants to get taken care of.

Other times is when hes tired from a preformance or practice.

Kinks he has:

Over stimulation: This shows up in when hes taking care of you and tries to get as many orgasms out of you as he can

Dirty talk: When hes worked up he cant stop talking, he'll whisper in your ear when hes pounding into you

Praise: whether hes top or bottom he'll praise you but also likes getting praised when hes a bottom it makes him come so fast.

Baby Fluff

Very straight forward with how hes feeling I dont see him as the innocent "baby" figure he shows

Despite the fact we know "all demons do is feel" his feelings for you are...different. Demons arent really used to romantic attraction.

So even though hes confident doesn't mean he knows what hes doing. After the first few dates he starts to figure things out.

Its a lot of trial and error but one you get into the groove of things its great.

His love langue is quality time, since he is busy a lot whenever he gets to actually hang out with you its his favorite thing

Definitely a pda enjoyer, hes likes showing you off hes a prideful man and hes proud of his partner

One thing he really enjoys being in a relationship is the comfort that comes from it.

At the beginning he wasnt sure what he was feeling but he now enjoys the warm fuzzy feeling he gets when he sees you

Baby smut

A dom. Thats the truth of it.

Like i said hes not innocent and to be honest I can see him as the freakiest of the group.

At the very least hes a power bottom, there are times he is too tired to do all the work and controls from the bottom.

But whenever you want to take charge he lets you just so he can tease and give condescending praise/degradation

"Aw my poor baby, are you all tired? Already we just started. Do i have to do everything around he? Just be the good slut I know you are and let me fuck you yeah?"

His aftercare is amazing he'll code switch entierly and become his most affectionate after sex

Kinks of his:

Bdsm, hes the freakiest and is into a lot of stuff that falls under this category, hes up for almost anything and gets off to you letting him do all that stuff he wants

Dirty talk, hes a rapper very good with his words and it comes out here, like i said before he is into degradation and a mix of praise but hes very talkative

Public sex, not directly in the public eye but he gets off to being risky and doing it in places theres at least a small chance someone finds you

Abby Fluff

Hes like a really big himbo teddy bear. Unde the beefy abs hes just a baby.

Like Baby and the other guys (except Jinu) hes not used to romantic attraction at all so hes very attentive in learning how to be a good boyfriend

Very protective as well hes the type of guy to always have a hand on your waist or holding yours when walking or in a crowded space

Likes to show off his strength and just kinda in general so sometimes he'll just pick you up or will do something for you randomly to show off

Love langue is physical touchs in words of affirmation. Hes a big dude so a lot more to cuddle and he just likes the closeness of it.

He always has a hand on your in some way whether that be your thigh, waist, back, hand, anything he just likes being close and that touch is nice.

Words of affirmation is more receiving then giving he really likes hearing that hes doing something right as a boyfriend and you love him

Abby Smut

A service top. He lives to serve and in bed he'll do anything you ask anything you want he'll do.

One of the easiest to get to bottom, hes there to please and rarely indulges in himself so bottoming doesnt change much for him.

I feel hed be a bit worried to hurt you because hes beefy and he was a demon so that keeps him from being rough as well.

When he gets overwhelmed by emotion (anger or sadness or happiness or whatever) he will get a bit more rough but its followed by the best praise

One of the best at aftercare, he'll do everything you ask whether its rubbing your sore legs or getting you snacks

Kinks he has:

Mirror sex, not a kink persay but he really likes doing it where he can see everything thats happening not just his pov

Different places, likes having sex in different places either around his room or "house" (its more of a penthouse i perfume but whateves) not in public like Baby but he likes knowing your his everywhere

Mutual masturbation, he likes seeing you masturbate. Not only does it turn him on but he also gets to see what you like and talk you through it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pt2 with Romance and Mystery is coming comment if you want to be tagged in it!

[mylovesstuffs]

More or less, I’m still recovering.

This absolutely had me by the throat, the heart, and all the hidden corners of my domestic-romantic soul. Like, at face value, it’s a simple premise: a petty (?) [though y/n was just trying to help—but also she kinda should've let go BUT Jun didn't have to do that] little argument that gets out of hand. But insofar as emotional realism and character dynamics go, this was brutal in the gentlest, most well-written way.

From the very beginning, there’s this slight tension between the excitement of a new chapter [baby clothes!!!] and the weight of unspoken stress — and needless to say, that contrast hit so hard. You see reader trying to be sweet, trying to preserve the joy, and you know something’s about to go south. And when it does... Oh, it hurts 😭😭😭😭 THE FIGHT. Generally speaking, I’ve never wanted to shove a fictional man [yes bc hesunot real here] into a wall while also hugging him in the same breath more than I did Jun. He’s so stupid [affectionate], like sir why are you saying that?? Why are you yelling?? Be that as it may, his spiral into guilt and panic was portrayed SO WELL, like what the heck June???? The tossing and turning, the desperate planning of his apology, the flowers in the vase, the cereal logic??? Like he thought him arranging flowers [though I think this worked AFTER their conversations], making breakfast and dinner could fix emotional devastation and honestly?? I respect the hustle

And let me just say: I was going “ah” every five seconds like I could only make one sound. That’s how wrecked I was. The argument scene was the hardest thing I’ve read in a while. You captured that feeling of being completely disconnected from someone you love so well. The silence, the sting of being left behind in the middle of emotional mess… it physically hurt to read. And that means it was written perfectly 🥲 And yet here’s the thing, I still understood both both of them. I could see where Jun was coming from, his the frustration, the overwhelm, when your brain short-circuits when you're upset and you say things you don’t mean. And her hopefulness and her trying to hold things together. The heartbreak of being left to sit in silence with all that love and pain at once. Neither of them was perfect, and that’s what made it work imo.

And then, to rephrase the feeling: pure devastation when he realizes she’s not home. The overnight bag, the toothbrush, the absence, that moment cracked my soul open like a soft-boiled egg iykwim even though I don't know how to explain what I mean by boiled egg 🤡 but that how Ielt. Boiled egg 🥚[imagine it's a soft boiled egg with oozy center lol]. But the cherry on top is him knowing where to check. Knowing her routines. Knowing her heart, even if he just temporarily forgot how to handle it.

All things considered, the scene where she returns home and he doesn’t even let her walk in properly before apologizing... I cried. No exaggeration. I was holding my breath. The way he loves her and the way she, even after everything, still says “I love you” — my god. Reader is so emotionally mature 🥹 I just want to wrap her in a blanket and give her warm green tea. Jun too. After I lightly slap him once [sorry June]. And the ending with the flowers, the blueberry/strawberry waffles, the baby clothes [still dk when he bought those], the forgiveness... It didn’t erase the hurt, but it layered comfort on top of it in a way that felt earned, and so, so loving.

Again, this fic wrecked me in the best way. To some extent, I am now a ghost writing this. But be that as it may, I would read it again and again. Thank you for this perfectly painful little piece of comfort, @junkissed It was everything.

Under the cut is me again... live commenting in my head [my notes app]

what do you do now? no— you know exactly what you need to do, and it’s a long list of things. the real question is, where do you begin? — this actually a valid concern to have.

but you remembered he’d mentioned so many times about how excited he would be to pick out clothes once you got pregnant. you would want him to have the honor of picking out the very first one, going to the store together and looking through the whole section before finally settling on the perfect one.— ahhhhh I wanna see Jun picking out baby clothesssss. It's gonna be so cuteeee.

but you’re still on a high after everything today, so you decide on being a little bit sweeter to him in the hopes that your happiness will be contagious and that it’ll lift his spirits, despite what was probably a really awful day at work.— Ah, it could all go south now 😬 eeeee I’m scared.

“i said, what do you want?”— ah 😰😭 he repeated ahhhh fttrxtdxrt I'm worried how it'll go

so he’s saying he doesn’t regret everything else, the cursing and the anger and the pointed words that were clearly meant to hurt you? — ah so now if you put it like this 😭

your heart drops even further when you realize it is, in fact, from jun, but not the news you want to hear.— AHHHHHH. The more I read, the more I worry. If they never let an argument sit for this long, then this one is big. Him staying overnight at Cheol’s and not coming home… omg. Both are really going through it 😩

you squeeze him so tightly you know it must hurt, but he doesn’t say anything,— oh seokmin :( he's the comforting friend we all need during our hard times :(

jun can’t stop tossing and turning. he’s fucked up, he knows he fucked up, big time.— uh now it's all coming back at him 😩😬

but in that moment all he could think about was what the next awful thing he might say to you was,— ahhh I wonder what he had to say. What was that awful thing in his mind?

he knows it won’t make up for how he acted, but the very least he can do it buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.— At least he’s trying to fix it. It won’t erase the fact that he left her in the dark last night, but both were hurting… yeah. I hope they figure it out 🥺

he plans out everything he’ll do in the car. he’ll bring the groceries in and put them away quickly; it’s still fairly early in the morning, so hopefully you won’t be awake yet. he’ll arrange your flowers all nice in a pretty vase, and he’ll come in and wake you up with the best apology of his life and hopefully a really big hug. after the last 24 hours he really could use a hug, and he’s sure you could too. and then he’ll explain how sorry he is and how he didn’t mean any of it and then everything will be better again. yes, everything will be okay.— AHHHHHH HIS SINCERITY AND REGRET TO THE WHOLE SITUATION is making me feel so happy and bittersweet 😭😭 but she’s not home…

you aren’t usually up this early, but maybe you hadn’t been able to sleep and you’d gone out for a walk, or maybe you’d gone to the store to get more cereal?— I’m sorry, bro, but that’s unfortunately not the case today. I feel so bad for both of them 😩

he walks back into the bedroom to confirm something, sliding open the closet door to check. your overnight duffel bag is gone. he ducks back into the bathroom to check something else. your toothbrush isn’t sitting in the jar like it usually is. he slides open the bathroom drawer to check one more thing, and— — OMG I love how he knows exactly where and what to check. AND OMG DID HE FIND THE PREGNANCY TEST?!?!?!??!?!?

he figures seokmin is his best bet, so jun takes a deep breath and finds the contact in his phone.— WOW. I mean yes, he’s her husband and he should know this, but omg, I love how well he knows her and can narrow it down like this.

“‘if you had known?’ so you won’t yell at me if i’m pregnant, but you’re just fine with yelling at me when you think i’m not? is that the only reason why you’re even apologizing to me right now?" — Oh I’m going to cry 😭 It’s so hard knowing both sides and not being able to step in and fix anything because IT’S JUST A STORY 😭💔 My heart breaks for both of them.

“…i love you," you add, changing your mind at the last second.— I LOVE Y/N. I LOVE YOU. YOU’RE THE REAL DEAL. I LOVE YOU!

before you can even respond his eyes widen, like he's just now remembering all the things he had planned, and he lets go of you, bounding into the kitchen. he returns seconds later with a huge glass vase full of flowers, practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to hand them to you. "and i got these for you, too. sorry they're not the best, it's all the store had this morning."— OH I LOVE YOU TOO JUN 😭 they’re such a cute couple 🥹 I’d love to be their friend or neighbor.

he laughs. "no crying anymore. and i did promise you that, so tell me: do you want blueberry waffles, or strawberry?"— aaaaaa so cuteeeeee

happy ending

member — husband!junhui x f reader genre — angst, fluff, hurt/comfort word count — 6.6k synopsis — a pointless argument escalates until both of you need some space, but it couldn't come at a worse time. warnings — female reader, planned pregnancy, there's a big argument but i tried to not make it too toxic (jun and reader have a happy & healthy relationship i promise), swearing, there is a happy ending lots of fluff !! notes — requested by anon — this has been sitting in my drafts for months bc every time i look at it i get shy and wanna change my mind but i'm proud of how this turned out so i'm posting it finally! i know pregnancy fics aren't everyone's favorite but this was honestly very comforting to write so i hope anyone who chooses to read can find comfort in it as well <3 also the last time i proofread this was like april and if i try to proofread it rn i'll get shy again and chicken out so if there's any mistakes pls ignore! i hope you enjoy :)

you sat on the bathroom floor, trying to comprehend the weight of the news you held in your hand. you couldn’t believe it. you could? you couldn’t. 

after many months of trying to start a family with your husband, you had finally succeeded. the slim plastic stick with two tiny pink lines was the last piece of evidence you needed. it had been months of carefully tracked cycles, fertility doctors, and new positions that seemed too weird to actually do anything. but now, everything was finally falling into place.

you don’t know exactly how much time you spend sitting on the floor and staring at the pregnancy test; thinking, planning, and thinking some more. but when you finally stand up and place the positive test on the counter with shaking hands, it still hasn’t fully sunk in yet what’s happening. something you’d wanted for so long, and finally it was all right in front of you.

what do you do now? no— you know exactly what you need to do, and it’s a long list of things. the real question is, where do you begin?

you thought back to all the videos you’d watched over the last few weeks. somehow every social media algorithm knew exactly what you wanted to see, and it had given it to you in abundance; baby showers, gender reveals, those “get ready with me - new mom edition” videos. all getting your hopes up before you could confirm whether or not it had finally happened.

with your hopes high and expectations even higher, you were already beginning to plan how you would break the news to junhui. as your husband and your soon-to-be baby’s father, of course you wanted him to be the very first person to know, so you couldn’t wait too long to tell him. you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.

maybe you’d get a little gift box and give the test to him before dinner. but, then again, it was literally a piece of plastic you’d peed on. surely you could give him… something a little nicer than that.

maybe you could buy a baby outfit and wrap it up for him. but you remembered he’d mentioned so many times about how excited he would be to pick out clothes once you got pregnant. you would want him to have the honor of picking out the very first one, going to the store together and looking through the whole section before finally settling on the perfect one.

what else was there you could do? bake a cake? make a crossword puzzle? buy him a t-shirt that says “dad-to-be”? so many ways you could do it, but none of them seemed perfectly right.

from the other room you hear the door opening, and hurriedly you stuff the test into a drawer, not wanting to tell him just yet. you need a plan first; waiting another day or two couldn’t hurt, so you’ll just have to figure out how to tell him later.

you flip off the bathroom light and stride into the hallway, barely able to contain the grin on your face. you’ve always been terrible at keeping secrets, and with news as big and exciting as this you have no idea how you’re going to be able to hide it from him for more than a minute.

but luckily you don’t have to wonder about it for long, because as soon as you see jun you can already tell he’s in a sour mood. 

you know it’s usually best to let him have some time alone when he’s upset, but not for too long because he starts getting frustrated with himself and won’t stop working until he’s exhausted.

but you’re still on a high after everything today, so you decide on being a little bit sweeter to him in the hopes that your happiness will be contagious and that it’ll lift his spirits, despite what was probably a really awful day at work.

you find him sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, long fingers pressed against his eyes trying to block out the light.

“hey, junnie,” you call out, sitting down in a chair next to him. “bad day?”

“yeah,” he answers shortly.

“i’m sorry, baby,” you hum, putting your hand on his shoulder, but he flinches and your hand falls away in surprise. he’s never done that before. weird. you try something else. “um, any requests for dinner?”

“not hungry.”

“alright. well, i guess i can cook up some veggies and leave them out, you can heat them up whenever you get hungry.”

he moves his hands away from his face and onto the table, sighing as he leans back in his chair. “can you just— leave me alone for a while? i’m sorry.”

you nod and stand up. “no, it’s fine. i get it. i’ll bring you some tea later then, maybe. text me when you’re feeling better.” you reach out and gently touch his hand before walking away, leaving him alone at the table.

it’s definitely one of his worser days, you note, so you retreat to your bedroom to watch more videos on your phone, trying to bring back your excitement from earlier. hopefully later he’ll be more open and you can sit down and eat something, and maybe by then you’ll have come up with a good way to tell him the news.

an hour passes and you come out of your bedroom to look for jun, having a question from one of your friends about the dinner you’d arranged to have together next week. but he’s no longer in the kitchen, so you peek your head into his office room and find him exactly where you expect him to be, trying to work himself to death.

you clear your throat before you enter, not wanting to startle him again. “hey, junnie, i know you’re in a bad mood, and i’m sorry to interrupt, but—”

“what do you want?” he snaps, never turning around from his desk. just from the way he’s hunched over his computer, he looks like the most stressed you’ve ever seen him, and your chest tightens with worry before your brain registers what he’s just said to you.

“i— excuse me?”

“i said, what do you want?” he repeats, still facing away from you.

you resist the urge to glare at him, knowing he’s probably under a lot of pressure, and you aren’t trying to add to it. “you don’t have to be rude, jun. i just came in here to double check about next weekend, minghao’s texting me.”

he finally lifts his head, slamming his hand down on the desk. “i’m really trying not to snap at you, but— jesus, you make it so fucking hard sometimes.”

you raise your eyebrows in disbelief, your voice lifting in tone. “well, i’m so very sorry to inconvenience you then, but i really don’t appreciate you talking to me like that, jun.”

“and i don’t appreciate you talking to me like i’m a child! when will you get it through your head?”

his comment stings, but you brush it off. “well, maybe if you’d just talk to me like an adult instead of throwing a fit and hiding in your office then i wouldn’t have to treat you like one!” you’re starting to get tired of how he retreats in on himself every time bad shit happens. all you want to do is let him know he doesn’t have to do it alone, and he’s just… exploding at you for no reason, so you don’t try to hide the snarkiness behind your words.

he scoffs angrily and stands up, towering over you at his full height. “oh, grow up! you’re so moody all the time and you expect me to just put up with it! as if i don’t have enough other shit to worry about, i have to worry about what you think of this and that and everything all the damn time!”

you’ve never seen him get so angry like this, and it’s almost scary how completely different this jun is from the jun you know and love. “okay, jun, fine, i’ll just—”

“no, don’t fucking “jun, fine” me. it’s like you’re doing it on purpose at this point, you act like everything is just so perfect and then when it’s not you act like it’s your job to fix everything! you can’t fix everything!”

“i said fine! just forget it, i’ll leave you the hell alone like you always want!”

he pushes past you and crosses the room in two strides, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door, his hand already on the doorknob. “i need to get some air. i’ll be back later.”

you fold your arms over your chest, trying to look unphased but inside your heart is breaking. “you’re really gonna walk out like that? you’re just gonna run away from this? real mature, junhui.”

he spins around, and the look in his eyes is cold. “if i don’t get out of this house right now i’m gonna say something i actually regret.”

and in a flash the door is slammed shut and jun is gone. you can hear his car starting up in the driveway, and seconds later everything is dead silent.

you stand frozen in front of the door, unable to move. you can’t believe it. you can’t. what just happened?

jun has never just… walked out like that.

his words ring in your ears; though your argument wasn’t very long, a lot was said in a very short time and you can’t even begin to think about how to process it as it starts to hit you all at once.

say something he actually regrets? what the hell does that mean? so he’s saying he doesn’t regret everything else, the cursing and the anger and the pointed words that were clearly meant to hurt you?

minute after long minute passes and you realize he’s not coming back anytime soon. finally you drag yourself away from the door, dropping down on the couch in a daze.

there’s never been a time where you and jun haven’t made up immediately after an argument. sure, maybe you take a little bit to cool down in your own space, but neither of you like letting the tension sit unresolved for very long. so what was it this time that made him leave without even a goodbye?

so many reasons, so many excuses, so many words you could’ve said instead. you shouldn’t have reacted like that, you shouldn’t have kept it going, you should’ve just left him alone. would that have made him stay? if you’d backed down sooner and just let him work through it on his own?

despite all the what-ifs and the doubts in your mind, your conscience won’t allow you to let him worry about everything by himself without at least offering your help. you’re a team, husband and wife, and you’ll be damned if you let him forget that. maybe you trying to help actually made things worse in the end, but at least you know you tried… right?

it’s not until you check your phone and realize that jun’s been gone more than half an hour that you finally let yourself cry. you’d been so focused on worrying about where jun was and whether he was okay that you’d barely even thought about what might happen after this.

will he just… come back and pretend nothing happened? will he come back and still be angry at you? it would almost be worse if he was calm and acted like everything was normal. would he even apologize? would you even apologize? of course you would. both of you said things that were fucked up, and you’ll be the first to admit it if it means this whole thing can be over. right now all you want is to have junhui back.

the tears keep falling but you don’t even feel yourself crying, your face rigid as the tears continue to stain your cheeks.

after an hour you force yourself to get up off the couch and move somewhere, anywhere around the house to try and get your mind off things. but you can’t erase his voice from your head, the look in his eyes as he walked out the door and the way his shoulders hunched from anger mixed with exhaustion.

you find yourself back in your bedroom and you fall onto his side of the bed, wishing you would wake up to find that this has all just been a very bad dream.

it’s after 10pm when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand and you sit up in a panic, scrambling to see if it’s something from jun. your eyes sting from crying so much, and you blink away the remaining tears as you unlock your phone with shaking hands. your heart drops even further when you realize it is, in fact, from jun, but not the news you want to hear.

you let your phone slip out of your grasp, tumbling to the carpet with a thud. when he’d said he’d be back later you had assumed that meant he’d be coming back tonight. clearly you thought wrong.

tomorrow seemed so far away; too much time to spend alone in a house that was supposed to be filled with happy memories, but now all you felt was pain. you felt it in your chest and in your stomach and in your head and everywhere. the whole room was suffocating, heavy weight crushing down on you from every angle.

you slide to the floor and pick up your phone. you don’t text junhui back. you’re not sure anymore if he’d even read your message. 

instead you type in your friend seokmin’s phone number, listening to the line ring as you wipe the back of your hand across your eyes.

as soon as he picks up, he can hear the anguish in your voice and he’s begging you to tell him what’s wrong, but all you can muster up is a soft, “can i stay with you tonight?” because you can’t bear to be in this house another second without junhui. 

and of course he says yes, and of course he’s immediately on his way over to pick you up. and of course he stops at mcdonald’s on the way back to his house to buy you something to eat, because you haven’t eaten and even though you don’t particularly have much of an appetite right now, seokmin would rather die than let you skip a meal, especially on a night like tonight when you could really use something to keep you going.

you throw your overnight bag on the floor of seokmin’s living room with a small sigh. in a haze you’d tossed in whatever items you thought you might need; a toothbrush, pajamas, something to wash your face with. 

he gives you space for a while as he pulls out the folding bed part of the couch and brings out blankets and pillows for you to sleep with. you don’t say it, but you really appreciate his help. he’s been one of your best friends for so long, and you don’t know what you’d do without him. 

you hadn’t thought about it while you were packing, but as you stand in seokmin’s bathroom you think about the cleanser you’d grabbed; your favorite one, the one jun had gotten you for your birthday last year and you’d never switched to another brand since. 

every single thing reminds you of him, and you push down a fresh wave of emotion as you scrub the foam into your skin, trying to wash away all your tears.

when you’re done getting ready for bed you find seokmin in the living room with a pot of tea. he was just trying to help, but unluckily for him, he’d made green tea. it was your favorite… but it also happened to be jun’s favorite.

and this time you can’t hold back your tears, and seokmin is sitting wide eyed and bewildered, wondering why you’re crying over tea, but he doesn’t ask. he just reaches out to let you hug him, and you squeeze him so tightly you know it must hurt, but he doesn’t say anything, just lets you hug him as hard as you can and lets your tears stain his t-shirt.

it takes another half hour for you to calm down enough to talk. you’d spent the time watching whatever was on tv, not really paying attention and instead playing everything back in your mind. seokmin had just sat next to you, quietly keeping you company until you were ready.

“jun and i… had a fight,” you say finally, interrupting the commercial playing on the screen.

“i figured,” he says, offering you a comforting smile as he mutes the tv. “do you wanna talk about it?”

“i don’t know. there’s not much to talk about.” you take a shaky breath, remembering it all one more time. “we both said some awful things that we didn’t mean. at least, i know i didn’t mean them. then he just… left, and he texted that he’d come home tomorrow. that’s it.”

you don’t tell him about the pregnancy test. you’ve mentioned once or twice that you and jun had been interested in starting a family, but you’d never gone into detail about it and you weren’t going to now. you still wanted jun to be the first person to know, even though you didn’t know when that might be anymore.

you tell him about other things instead, about your day at work and your plans for the weekend. eventually you finish your tea, and seokmin retreats to his own room and shuts the door with a quiet click, leaving you alone in the quiet of his living room.

it takes you a long time to fall asleep, but soon your exhaustion catches up with you and you let yourself rest, physically and emotionally drained. at least the silence here isn’t as bad as the silence at your house.

across town in his friend seungcheol’s guest bedroom, jun can’t stop tossing and turning. he’s fucked up, he knows he fucked up, big time.

why did he leave? he shouldn’t have left. you had been absolutely right, he was running away from everything and it was stupid and dumb and immature. but in that moment all he could think about was what the next awful thing he might say to you was, and he knew if he had stayed for any longer he wouldn’t have been able to stop what came out of his mouth. he was out of control, and immediately he knew it.

not even the worst day in the world could make you deserving of all the things he said to you. you were the only thing that wasn’t bad in his life; even on shitty days like today, all you did was care about him. and all he did was hurt you.

jun barely sleeps that night, finally forcing himself out of the extra bed at dawn. he’d been too anxious to sleep, too frustrated with himself to do anything other than think about everything he did and wonder if you were okay without him.

he’d already gotten an earful from his friend last night, and he knew he was still in big trouble. the things he said wouldn’t just go away overnight. in fact, they’d probably gotten worse by leaving them to build up overnight, and again he’s kicking himself for ever leaving in the first place.

he packs up his things as quickly as he can, eager to get home and see you again. on his way out the door, he thanks seungcheol for letting him stay the night and he apologizes for bothering him so late.

“i’m not the one you need to apologize to. you better figure out how to fix this, jun.”

with a straight face he nods, bowing his head as he closes the door.

in his car, jun takes the long way home, trying to find an open grocery store. he knows it won’t make up for how he acted, but the very least he can do it buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

he walks through the aisles, basket in hand, trying to think of something else for you. maybe he’ll get the ingredients he needs to make your favorite dinner tonight; he hadn’t eaten last night, though you had offered to cook for him and he’d shot you down.

he feels another pang of guilt at the thought, remembering yet another kind gesture you’d tried to give him that he’d brushed off like it meant nothing. it meant everything to him, and in the middle of the frozen vegetables aisle he swore he wouldn’t ever do it again. 

he’d taken you for granted, and he was so lucky that things hadn’t ended worse than they did. he could’ve said something truly unforgivable, or he could’ve even lost your relationship altogether. but he was still yours, and you were still his, and he would just have to work extra hard to make sure you knew how sincere he was.

he’d been a little worried that you hadn’t texted him back last night, seeing that you’d read his message but never responded. you were probably still hurt, and he didn’t blame you; still, he’d hoped you would say something back.

with grocery bags loaded full of ingredients for dinner and the special things he’d bought for you, the drive back home feels a little more hopeful.

he plans out everything he’ll do in the car. he’ll bring the groceries in and put them away quickly; it’s still fairly early in the morning, so hopefully you won’t be awake yet. he’ll arrange your flowers all nice in a pretty vase, and he’ll come in and wake you up with the best apology of his life and hopefully a really big hug. after the last 24 hours he really could use a hug, and he’s sure you could too. and then he’ll explain how sorry he is and how he didn’t mean any of it and then everything will be better again. yes, everything will be okay.

the first part of his plan goes perfectly. he sneaks into the house and when he’s met with silence he continues putting everything away, quietly so he won’t wake you up in the other room. then, he puts the flowers in a vase and with everything in place, he walks down the hallway to finally face you.

but when he twists the bedroom door handle, the bed is made and the room is empty. you aren’t there.

he frowns, leaving the room and poking his head into the bathroom, then his office. he calls your name loudly, hoping you’re just in a corner of the house and you’ll come out once you hear him. but no reply.

he goes back into the living room and sets the vase down on the coffee table, trying to think. you aren’t usually up this early, but maybe you hadn’t been able to sleep and you’d gone out for a walk, or maybe you’d gone to the store to get more cereal? 

a sinking feeling rises in his chest, and he walks back into the bedroom to confirm something, sliding open the closet door to check. your overnight duffel bag is gone.

he ducks back into the bathroom to check something else. your toothbrush isn’t sitting in the jar like it usually is. he slides open the bathroom drawer to check one more thing, and—

his hand freezes on the knob, staring at something in the drawer that wasn’t there before. he’s not sure it is what he thinks it is, but either way there it is, clear as day in front of him: a little white piece of plastic, sticking out from underneath a tissue. 

gingerly he pulls it out, holding it up to the light to see it better. when he sees the two pink lines he nearly drops it in shock, but he stops himself, setting it gently on the counter instead.

this is something special, something precious, and he knew he had to take care of it. you’d saved it for a reason; you could’ve easily just thrown it away once you knew the results, but you had kept it instead. were you going to give it to him?

he covers his mouth with his hand, still staring at the stick sitting on the edge of the sink. it was just a cheap piece of plastic, but to him it was the most important thing in the entire world.

he deflates when he realizes you’d probably been planning on telling him last night, before he’d blown up at you. if he’d been paying attention to anyone other than himself, he would’ve noticed your mood was happier than usual, your face glowing with contained excitement. he should’ve been paying attention.

there’s a sense of urgency in his stride as he dashes around the house, looking for any other sign of you, but it’s clear you weren’t there. there were so many places you could be, he can’t even begin to think of where to look. your parents, friends, family; hell, you could even have stayed in a hotel, alone and upset. he should’ve been there. none of this should’ve ever happened.

immediately he presses the speed dial for your phone, but of course– no answer. he calls again, and again you don’t pick up. he curses, resisting the urge to slam his phone down on the table in frustration. no, he has to stay calm. that’s what got him into this whole fucking mess in the first place.

he remembers that your parents are out of town on vacation, so you probably wouldn’t have gone there. you wouldn’t have gone to a hotel because you always lecture him about the importance of saving money “just in case”, so you wouldn’t have paid to stay somewhere. your sister is still in college and shares an apartment with three other people, so probably not the best idea either. 

that narrows it down to one of your friends’ houses; seokmin, who lives a couple blocks away, or joshua, who lives on the other side of town.

he figures seokmin is his best bet, so jun takes a deep breath and finds the contact in his phone.

“what do you want?” seokmin’s usually cheery voice has an edge to it today, and jun knows he’s picked right.

“is she there?” he asks anxiously.

“she is,” he confirms, and jun exhales, letting out the breath he had been holding in. “but she’s asleep still. i’ll let her know you called.”

“wait,” jun adds quickly.

the line is silent for a moment, and he’s afraid seokmin’s already hung up, but finally he gets a response. “what is it?”

"can i–are you sure? please," jun pleads. if he could just talk to you, just explain what happened and that he's so fucking sorry—

“hold on,” seokmin says, and the phone goes quiet again.

jun’s heart is in his throat as he waits for a response, and he stops when he finally hears your voice. “hello?”

he breathes a sigh of relief. “sweetheart. i’m so sorry.”

you don’t reply, so he continues.

“i’m glad you’re okay,” he starts, trying to put the right words together. “i shouldn’t have said any of that last night, and i shouldn’t have left. i didn’t mean it. i’m sorry.”

“thanks” is all you say, and he hates how small and sad your voice sounds. it’s his fault you sound like that.

“i found your test,” he bursts out, unable to hide his excitement any longer.

“oh." you pause, swallowing. "so… you know.”

“yes, i do know, baby. i’m so sorry, if i had known before—”

you cut him off, your tone suddenly rising with anger. “‘if you had known?’ so you won’t yell at me if i’m pregnant, but you’re just fine with yelling at me when you think i’m not? is that the only reason why you’re even apologizing to me right now?"

“no— fuck, no, of course not. i shouldn’t yell at you, period. and i’m not going to ever again.” jun pauses for a second, rubbing his hand over his eyes. he’s done nothing so far but make everything worse. “i really messed up, honey, and i’m sorry. i can’t say it enough. but— please, come home. i don’t want to talk over the phone.”

you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to will away the tears that threaten to fall again. you don’t want to cry about this anymore. “okay,” you say finally. “i’ll be home in a little while.”

“thank you,” jun says, and the way his voice breaks makes your heart sink. you can tell he feels awful about everything, and you do really, really miss him.

“…i love you," you add, changing your mind at the last second.

“i love you, too!” he says immediately. “i love you, too, honey. text me when you’re on your way.”

“i will.”

he says “i love you” twice more before you end the call. you sit in silence for a second, processing everything before you stand up off the couch and head to seokmin’s room to give him back his phone.

"can you take me home now, please?" you tell him softly, and immediately seokmin stands up and hugs you, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

"of course. let me know when you're ready."

half an hour later you find yourself in the front seat of seokmin’s car once again, this time sitting nervously in his driveway as he puts your bag in the trunk for you. you're still not sure if you're ready to face jun yet, but you know you have to.

reluctantly you unlock your phone and open your text messages with jun, your eyes landing on the text he'd sent last night that had gone unreplied. with shaky fingers you type out that you're leaving seokmin’s house, and jun replies almost instantly with a long string of heart emojis.

seokmin gets into the car and starts it, and you exhale and set your phone in the cupholder.

"are you okay?" he asks, turning to look at you. "because you can always let me know if you need anything. anytime, day or night."

"i'm alright," you say, taking a deep breath. "i'm fine. but thank you, seok. i really appreciate everything."

he smiles, shifting the car into reverse. "of course. it's no problem at all."

the second he hears the car pull up outside the house, jun jumps up off the couch, smoothing his shirt down anxiously. through the window he watches seokmin hand you your bag and close the trunk, giving you one last hug before he gets back in the car. he doesn't drive away until you're at the front porch, and with a deep breath jun swings open the door, before you can even knock.

you both stand there in silence for a second before he blurts out another apology. "i'm sorry," he rushes to say. "i'm really sorry."

you give him a weak smile. "can i maybe… get in the house, first?" you ask quietly, motioning with your free hand at the doorway.

"yeah, i— yeah, shit, of course," jun says as he practically jumps out of your way, holding the door open for you to walk inside.

you set your bag on the floor by the couch as he closes the door behind you. the sound of the lock clicking seems too loud in the uncomfortable silence that settles over the room.

"can… can i give you a hug? please?" he asks, and you stay quiet but nod. 

he closes the distance between you in one stride and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you so tightly and holding you close to his chest. "i'm so sorry, honey. i didn't mean any of it. i promise."

"i believe you," you finally manage, your voice a little muffled from how he's pressing you against him.

he doesn't say anything more, just holds you and holds you, and it feels so good to be home where you belong. there's a lot that needs to be said, but for right now you don't need any more words. you're just glad to be back together again.

after a while you pull your head away from him so you speak. "i'm sorry."

"why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything wrong, baby. i'm the one that needs to be apologizing."

you shake your head. "no. i said some things last night, too. granted, not as bad as you, but…"

jun breaks out into a grin at your joke, and you feel your mood start to lighten. "…which is true. and i'm sorry."

"jun, you can stop apologizing now. i get it, you're sorry. you don't have to tell me a million times," you say, trying to laugh a little.

now it's his turn to shake his head. "well, i'm going to anyway. because i am sorry." you look away from him, feeling embarrassment start to boil up, but he continues talking. "i'm serious. i'll say it as many times as it takes to make it right."

you turn your head back to him, struggling to keep a straight face. "why did you leave, jun?" you ask softly.

he takes a deep breath, and still trapped in his arms you can feel his chest expand with the breath. 

"it was stupid," he says finally. "i left because i didn't want to stay and risk hurting you more. but i realize i did that anyway, by leaving. i was just… i needed some air. but i shouldn't have stayed away, and i'm not gonna do that again. i won't do it, ever again."

"i just don't want you to leave me," you manage, trying and failing to hide the crack in your voice as you feel your eyes start to well up with tears.

he hugs you tighter and one of his hands comes up to cup the back of your head, gently smoothing your hair with his thumb. "i know, baby, i'm sorry. i'm not going to, i promise."

you don't respond, but you know he's telling the truth. the last 24 hours have been hell for the both of you, and you don't doubt he means every single "i'm sorry" he's said.

"so…" jun starts, and you tilt your head up at him.

"so?" you know what he's going to say next, and despite the excitement you had yesterday you feel yourself dreading this part of the conversation.

"you're pregnant?"

you sigh, looking down and avoiding his eyes. "yeah."

he hums. "but you don't sound excited?" he asks.

"well, i was, last night."

"i'm sorry," he winces. "do you wanna tell me now and i'll pretend this didn't happen and i don't know about it?"

you shake your head. "no, it's fine. the moment's kinda… ruined, already."

he sighs. "yeah, i know. i'm sorry i ruined it."

"i said it's fine, jun."

"no, it's not fine," he says firmly. "it's one hundred percent my fault. this is important to you, and to us, and we should be celebrating right now. last night should never have happened."

"jun, it's in the past. it was messed up, but i forgive you," you say, lifting you head to look at him once more. "it's not a big deal. we're okay now."

"i just want you to be happy about it," he says with a sniff. "we've been trying for so long, and finally…" he trails off, staring at you with watery eyes. 

you smile at him. "i am happy about it, junnie. i'm so happy, you can't even believe."

"did you tell seokmin?" he asks, and his brows furrow when you shake your head no.

"no, i didn't. i wanted you to be the first i told," you say shyly. "i knew you would want to be the first to know."

"i love you so much," he says, still hugging you. he's never going to let you go, never again. "do you know how far along?"

"no, i didn't go to the doctor. probably like two or three weeks, though, if i've been counting it right."

"wow," he sighs, a smile on his face as he stares off into the distance behind you. "i can't wait."

you watch his eyes, practically able to see the thoughts running through his head. 

after a while he loosens his grip around you, moving to swipe at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. "well—anyway," he starts, giving you an awkward chuckle. "i bought stuff for breakfast. if you haven't had any, yet. and i'm making dinner tonight, too."

before you can even respond his eyes widen, like he's just now remembering all the things he had planned, and he lets go of you, bounding into the kitchen. he returns seconds later with a huge glass vase full of flowers, practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to hand them to you. "and i got these for you, too. sorry they're not the best, it's all the store had this morning."

"junnie, if this is the best the store had, then i don't think i wanna see their best," you laugh, holding the flowers up and admiring the dozens of bright blooms. "this is gorgeous, but you really didn't need to get me anything."

"but i wanted to," he counters, still running around the room to grab the gift bag sitting by the couch. "consider it an 'i'm very sorry' slash 'congrats you're having a baby' gift."

you set the vase down on the table next to you and take the bag from him, pulling out the tissue paper and crumpling it into a ball.

"i didn't have a whole lot of time to look this morning, but i found these," he says nervously, waiting for your reaction.

from the bag you pull out a miniature plastic hanger holding a set of tiny pajamas covered in little kitties, attached to a matching set of striped orange socks.

"i wanted to be the first person to get you baby clothes," he explains as he fidgets with his hands. 

"i knew you would," you smile at him, setting the empty bag and the clothes on the table along with the bouquet of flowers. "and they're perfect. they're so… you."

you throw your arms around his neck, pulling him back in for another hug. "i love all of it. thank you, jun."

he grins, rocking you back and forth in his arms and leaving kisses all over your cheek. "i love you too, baby. i missed you so much. i won't ever do that again."

"i know," you smile. "now… you promised me breakfast, isn't that right? because i'm starving. crying is exhausting."

he laughs. "no crying anymore. and i did promise you that, so tell me: do you want blueberry waffles, or strawberry?"

❯ taglist | @foxdaisy @tinkerbell460 @seokmins @just-here-to-read-01 @blizzardfluffykpop @ny0sang @matilde111 @noniestars @noraehey @squiishymeow @pearlygraysky @baekhyunstruly @tenn87 @blowfishish @raevyng @aceofvernons @odetoyeonjun @dkakapizzaboy @enhacolor @highkey-fangirling @baldi-2 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @potatofrieswithketchup @wonuziex @stariightjoyy @strawberri-uyu @tigermoonbiss @diving1ntoyou @emmmm127 @hybe02z @sstarrysshit @g00dtimenotlongtim3 @yourfavoritefreakyhan @fr0g-filez @chocolatekdramakpopfreak @synthetickitsune @jvkeslvr @fairybinie @aestheticallea @miriamxsworld

❯ strikethrough means your blog cannot be tagged, please check your visibility settings

❯ if you'd like to be notified when i post, you can fill out my taglist form here: join my taglist!

❯ i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

[mona-risms]

Okay okaey imaginelike a. huntrix or polytrix x fem reader where reader is a rookie idol and they help her with her choreo that would be like so cutw 😭😭😭💕

◆ MAIN COURSE: poly!HUNTR/X x rookie idol!fem!Reader

◆ TYPE: SFW, romantic

◆ ALLERGEN WARNINGS: None

◆ NOTES: Wait shut up this would be so cute, esp if they're all already together (though my bad if you wanted pre-relationship 😓). I kinda spiralled here and it turned into them helping out with different aspects of being an idol SORRY 😭😭 Mira does still help though :3c

You're just officially starting out in the idol industry with your own rookie unit!! Probably with the support of the trio :3c. They all definitely helped with vetoing companies that they know for a FACT are corrupt as hell and making sure you get into a good one (either an approved company or their own, provided that the people in charge allow it). They most likely also helped you in terms of getting your skill up, and if you dare say you're being a burden to them they'll attack you (affectionately) bc they love helping you!! They love seeing you get to your full potential!! They love seeing you happy!!!!

When you debut they are your BIGGEST FUCKING SUPPORTERS of your unit EVER!!! Your other unit members are all so fucking shocked and confused about it like hello. Why. Why do they have the world's TOP 1 K-POP UNIT acting like THEIR NUMBER ONE FANS 😭😭 COMING INTO THEIR CONCERTS AND GETTING THEM TO SIGN THEIR STUFF 😭😭 THEY'RE JUST ROOKIES WHAT DO YOU MEAN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and when they find out you and them three are 'really great friends' they're like ?????what the FUCK

The trio would help you in the industry in so many ways :(. Hyping your unit up, making sure you're equipped with knowledge, AND they help you with their specialties!!!

You're practicing your choreo in your girlfriends' own dance studio bc you need as much practice as possible!!! But maybe there's smth that doesn't feel right or you don't know how to execute a certain move, and Mira comes in the room, expecting to choreograph smth on her own for a new song. Instead, she sees you :3c and abandons her prior task entirely just to help you via give you tips or demonstration on how to move or even recommendations!!

"..four-five-six-seven-eight, one-two-three-four-five-six..."

Mira's voice felt like a guiding metronome as you moved your body to the beat, your efforts sinking deep into not only the choreography, but your vocal stability and even your expression. It was a high-energy song, so of course you had to get used to performing it. Though even despite you having finished your trainee years, this still felt challenging—not like you've done this for long, after all.

And yet Mira was ever so patient as she pointed out mistakes and gave helpful pointers.

"..two-three-four-- stop."

Just like now.

You halted your movements and dropped your position as your girlfriend stopped the music, "Yeah? What'd I do?"

She came up to you as she pocketed her phone. "You're tensing up too much just before the bridge, it's messing with your rhythm."

"Ah.. yeah." You let out a light sigh as you demonstrated the move slower, much more controlled and much looser now thanks to the lack of timed pressure, "It just.. kinda happens on instinct."

"Feels like you're getting ready to pounce on something?"

"Mhm."

"That's 'cuz you're focusing on the transition too much—with the way the energy gets cranked all the way down, I get it." And she falls into step beside you, stretching lightly before getting herself into position, "I'm actually impressed they even have your generation performing with that insane sort of body control."

"Maybe we're just special."

That gets a soft, amused snort out of Mira as she teasingly pokes you on the side, "You are special. Now stop fishing for compliments and follow me; we'll slow it down until you get more comfortable about the transition, it should sort out your instincts then."

Maybe you're tasked with writing or rapping or even just singing through the most tongue-twisty parts of your songs, and you try to go through with it on your own but then Rumi and Zoey both hear you. It leads to them drifting over and approaching you with the want to help :3c

"Are you sure..?" Your hand creased the side of the paper, where your lyrics—colour-coded with highlights—were laid out on the page. "The two of you just got back from work, I wouldn't want to--"

"Ahh-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta," Zoey put a finger to your lips, silencing you before giving you a quick peck (she couldn't resist) and drawing back to stand up straight as she spoke, "are you gonna deny us, your very useful girlfriends, the privilege of being able to help our girlfriend and spoil her with our time? Are you? There is a wrong answer here—choose wisely."

Rumi rolled her eyes affectionately before elbowing her, resulting in a little "ow!", and moving to squeeze your free hand reassuringly, "Don't mind her. If you want to work on your own, then we'll leave you to it. But we really do want to help, why wouldn't we?"

"I.. wouldn't really wanna make the two of you feel like you're obligated to help me with something like this." A grimace formed on your lips as you looked away, "You've already helped me—us—out so much. Feels like nepotism."

Both of your girlfriends' faces softened at your admission as they looked at each other before pinning their attention back onto you. "If we're talking about nepotism, quite a few people would argue that I'm guilty of that, thanks to Celine. You?" Rumi lifts your hand to her lips, "This is you wanting to improve yourself with the help of your seniors, not exploiting connections—if that were the case, you'd have debuted as our fourth member out of the blue."

"Which would've been amazing!" Zoey piped in, but then she dials her excitement down as she shrugged sheepishly, "Though it's why we didn't recommend it—it'd be bad if you got flamed for that.. and we wanted the world to see just how talented you are on your own! So.. let us help? Not just as idols, but as girlfriends too."

Rumi nodded in agreement, "It'll be like when you watched us practice and you kiss us all whenever we got it right, just with it being the other way around this time."

"A lot more fun than standard practice, in my opinion. And much more rewarding!"

You chewed on your lip pensively before sighing in defeat, though the little smile on your lips fooled no one, least of all the pair in front of you, "Fine. But don't get all lenient on me, yeah?"

"Well, duh!" "Of course."

But they won't just help you!! They're more than happy to help the other members too, when they have the time!! Eventually it just ends up with HUNTR/X and your group becoming really close with each other, to the point where people are editing montages and stuff of your groups together in all sorts of ways ('HUNTR/X being gen z parents for 5 mins', 'HUNTR/X mentality' and it's just them fawning over you and the others, etc)

They have you taking breaks and eating properly too. I imagine at the very start, you'd still have to find your limits and stuff, especially since you'd be more prone to pushing yourself when you've only newly debuted. So they kinda watch you and make sure to monitor your rests and your diet in a way that they want you not to restrict yourself from eating and they want you fully-rested amongst the K-Pop idol lifestyle. Otherwise they'll all trap you in a cuddle pile and force you to settle down LOL

And then there's the shipping. If you get shipped with other women they'll be like "yeah okay I get it 🙏" but the moment it's with a MAN?? LMAOOOOOO SIDE EYE ALERT SIDE EYE ALERT next thing you know people are posting about how the trio's looking at said male idol like they want him buried six feet under and the internet is WILD with theories. You even look up from your phone and at them and they'll pointedly look at literally anything else 💀 they're all girlfailures I adore them

All in all, they are so willing to help you with ANYTHING in your career! Obvs they'll give you your own space to be recognised for your own talents and capabilities in your unit as a rookie idol, but they're just a call away if you ever need any assistance in anything :3c you're not just their junior, you're also their beloved gf!!!

[crowfish-brainrot]

Love & Deepspace Men when you casually tell them you love them

These are just some silly lil headcannons I have as an overly-affectionate lovergirl. I'm always telling the people closest to me I love them, because I do! I am full of love and affection!!! So this is very self-indulgent and tooth-rotting fluff. No warnings, only adorable fluffy goodness.

Xavier

He brings you food, a blanket, and the bunny stuffed animal he won you straight to you after a particularly hard day. You look up at him, smile and say “gods, I love you. Thank you!”

Xavier stops. Stills. You don’t realize what you said. Your smile falters. “What?”

“You love me?”

“Well, yeah.” You say it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Easy and bright, like you couldn’t help yourself. “You’re a great partner and my friend. Of course I love you.”

He realizes you don’t mean it in the way h yearns for, but he smiles anyway. Even if it’s not the way he hopes for, you love him, and that’s enough. He sits down next to you and pulls you in for a tight hug. You laugh softly and he murmurs into your hair. “I love you, too.”

Zayne

He buys you your favorite treat at the desert shop after letting you drag him all around the arcade. The seat next to you is full of plushies. He smiles as he passes you your treat and takes the seat across from you. You take a bite, do a happy dance and smile brightly. “Zayne!!! You’re the best, I love you!”

He almost chokes on his macrons. Your brows draw together, and he realizes you didn’t realize what you said.

You ask, “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he says. “I didn’t expect a declaration from handing you a treat.”

You giggle and roll your eyes. “It’s important to tell your friends you love them. You’re my best supporter when I gather plushies, you feed me treats, and you always have my back. Of course I love you.”

He stills, and something flickers in his eyes, but you barely catch it. You don’t love him the way he loves you, but he doesn’t think he deserve that kind of love from you. So, he just smiles. Even the friendliest form of your affection is more than he believes he’s worthy of. He offers you a glass of water. “Drink up, Miss Hunter.”

You know that’s his way of saying that he loves you, too.

Rafayel

He’s rambling on about colors, art, and the struggles of holding onto something as fleeting as a beautiful moment, even in art. He’s so passionate when he speaks as you two walk down the beach. He gets like this sometimes, lets you see what goes on inside his creative mind. It’s beautiful in an almost tragic way, the way he talks about it and your heart squeezes.

“I love you, you know that, right?” you say, your voice soft.

Rafayel turns away from the ocean, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. “What?!”

“I love you. Your mind, the way you see the world, how you talk about beauty? Its beautiful. We’re friends, you know. If there’s anything else you need to talk about, I’m here.” You knew he dealt with emotional turbulence over the last few weeks, so you wanted to make sure he knew you were there for him.

“You love me?” Rafayel is still stuck on that, all other thoughts gone from his head the moment he heard you say the words.

“Of course I love you. You sometimes win me plushies, and give me an excuse to walk on the beach every night. You’re my friend.”

His mind catches up with what you mean. You don’t love him like he loves you, but you do love him. You’ve fallen in love with him three times before, would this become the fourth? His throat closed as he tried to hide the emotions building up inside him. He laughed to mask the pain and gave you a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m pretty great, aren’t I?”

The blush on his face says it all. You know loves you, too.

Sylus

Sylus buys you a grumpy crow plushie that’s almost the same size you are. You mentioned in passing how much you wanted it, but you couldn’t justify spending the money. The price was nothing to him, though, so he ordered it. The next time you showed up at the base, he sat you down in the living room so you could open your gift.

You squeal when you see the enormous plushie. Your eyes glitter with pure happiness and you clutch it to your chest as you jump up and down. “Oh my gods, Sylus! I love you!! Thank you so much!!”

Sylus holds his breath. He doesn’t say anything for several seconds, but you don’t notice. You’re too enamored with your new plushie, grinning ear to ear.

“It’s nothing, sweetie.” he says. “You passed fifty levels of the Deepspace Trials, consider this my ‘congratulations’ gift.”

“You fought alongside me for most of those fifty levels,” you say. “What should I gift you in return?”

“You could say it again,” he says. “I didn’t hear you too well the first time.”

You tilt your head, and then it hits you. “You’re the best, Sylus. I’m so glad we’re friends, and I love you!”

He stills again when he realizes you don’t love him the way he loves you. Not yet. But, seeing you smile, especially over something so simple gives him more satisfaction than he ever thought possible. He ruffles your hair as you beam up at him. From pure disgust to trust and friendship? It wasn’t what he hoped for, but it was a step in the right direction. “Want to go for a joyride, kitten?”

And you know that he loves you, too.

Caleb

He makes you your favorite dinner as you dance your way out of the bathroom. Freshly showered from a rough day of work, you feel so much better now that you’re clean. Your favorite music from your teens plays on the speakers, and you two fall into a perfect harmony on the song you’ve sang together a thousand times.

You see what he’s making and you hug him tightly. “How did you know I was craving this?”

“I know you, pips. I can always tell what you want to eat.”

You laugh and rest your head on his shoulder. “Gods, I love you.”

He smiles. You’ve said the words to him countless times over your life, and he to you, but never in the way he wanted. it was alright, though. As long as you loved him, in any way that you could, he’d take it. “I love you too, pips. Can you hand me that seasoning?”

You nod and do as he asked, and he hopes that one day, you won’t just see him as your best friend, your protector, or brother, but as him. Until then, he’ll love you in every way you allow.

Have some fluff as we wait for the new banner to drop! I put this on TikTok first but I need to cross post more soooooo here's to me trying to do that. I have so many brain worm ideas, so I'm going to dump them when I can. 🥰

[pinkslipxox]

hiii lovie!! can i get another paige bueckers x latina gf!! maybe where reader is a private chef and paige is in love with her food. thank you so much ily <33

hey, mami!! Yes, of course! Enjoy 🙈💞

——————————————————————————

You stand in the kitchen, the warm, rich smell of sizzling pork filling the air. There’s nothing quite like the scent of Paige’s favorite meal—tacos al pastor. You’ve never felt more at home than when you’re cooking for her, but tonight is special. You’ve made sure everything is perfect—seasoning the meat just right, getting the perfect crisp on the edges, and planning the flan for dessert, knowing how much she loves it. You just want to see that sparkle in her eyes when she takes her first bite.

“Baby,” Paige’s voice drifts over to you, low and warm, making your stomach flutter. You glance up, meeting her gaze, and find her standing in the doorway, her presence filling the room in that way only she can. “That smells amazing. I swear, every time you cook, it gets better.”

You can’t help but blush a little at the praise, a shy smile pulling at your lips as you turn back to the sizzling meat. “I’m glad you like it, babes. I wanted to make something special tonight.”

Paige takes a few steps closer, and before you can do much more than glance at her, she’s wrapping her arms around you from behind. Her warm chest presses against your back, her breath warm against your neck, and for a second, you close your eyes, soaking in the way her presence feels so right.

Her voice is soft and full of admiration as she murmurs, “You’re so incredible.” You can feel the sincerity in her words, the way she means it down to her bones. “I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you.”

Your heart skips at her words. You know she’s always been soft with you, but hearing her like this—vulnerable, open, honest—it makes something inside you melt. It’s like she’s saying what you’ve always felt but never quite found the words for.

“I’m not that amazing, Paige,” you laugh softly, your voice light and teasing, though inside you’re feeling everything she’s saying. “It’s just tacos and flan. It’s nothing big.”

She shakes her head, pulling back just enough so she can look into your eyes. You feel her hands gently cupping your face, her touch so gentle it makes your heart race. “Baby, I could eat your food forever and still be blown away by how good it is.”

Your cheeks flush at her words, the compliment sinking in deep. You’ve always known she’s a fan of your cooking, but hearing it in that soft, adoring tone makes your heart swell. She’s always so affectionate with you—praising you, loving you in ways that make you feel like the luckiest person alive.

You drop your gaze for a second, feeling the weight of her praise settle over you. But then she pulls you into a hug, her strong arms cradling you against her chest. You melt into the embrace, your hands finding their place against her solid frame as you breathe in the familiar scent of her skin, a mixture of sweet cologne and something uniquely Paige.

You can’t resist pressing a soft kiss to her neck, and she lets out a quiet sigh, tilting her head slightly to give you more access. You feel so safe with her, so loved. You’ve never felt more secure than when you’re wrapped up in her arms like this.

“I love you, Y/N,” Paige says, her voice so full of tenderness it almost makes your heart stop. “More than anything.”

You pull back just enough to look her in the eyes, your hands resting on her chest, feeling the steady thrum of her heartbeat beneath your fingers. It’s the simplest, most beautiful thing—knowing she’s here, knowing she’s yours.

“I love you too, Paige,” you say softly, and she smiles at you like you’ve just given her the world.

Her fingers gently brush your cheek, as if memorizing the curve of your face, the little details that make you, well, *you*.

“You deserve the best,” she murmurs, voice full of sincerity. “And I’m lucky to get to experience it every day.”

Your heart flutters at her words, and before you can stop yourself, you’re kissing her. It’s a soft, slow kiss, the kind that makes time stand still. You savor it, tasting the sweetness of her lips, the warmth of her touch. When you finally pull away, you rest your forehead against hers, your eyes closed for just a moment.

Paige grins, her eyes still closed, and says in a teasing tone, “Now, let’s see if those tacos live up to the hype.”

You laugh softly, shaking your head. “Always so eager to eat, huh?”

“Always,” she responds without hesitation, a playful glint in her eyes. “And then I want you afterwards.”

Your heart skips, and you lean in to kiss her once more, your arms tightening around her, unwilling to let go. You can’t help but think that this—this moment, this love, this feeling—this is everything you’ve ever wanted.

[anghraine]

#i kept this in drafts for a long time thinking i would write some clever comment here#but obviously not now#anyway it's just really! good! to read#because this whole reading of kirk as a strongly masculine character keeps me stuck#like did you guys even watch this show?#and while i now understand better where all this kirk drift came from it's honestly such a lousy story#this is probably one of the most notable misinterpretations of the character /for the worse/ over time (via @betty-fran)

Thank you very much!

Easily one of the biggest surprises for me, when I marathoned the whole show, was what I affectionately think of as the "Captain Gender" scenes scattered throughout it. The fluidity of Kirk's navigation of gender performance in TOS, him being either unconcerned or aggressively deliberate about leaning into feminine conventions when it's either useful or he simply feels like it, is so fun and refreshing after so much modern media that feels like... at best, toothless corporate queernorm that is fundamentally reactionary about gender in a way that TOS couldn't have really imagined even while navigating the iron grip of what could be nationally syndicated in 1966 and their own assumptions.

I especially enjoy that it's one thing if Kirk chooses to adopt a more conventionally masculine role for this or that situation—but if he's pressured into taking on a restrictively gendered role, he's going to be a lot more uncomfortable being cornered into being Charlie's father figure than Nomad's mother figure. Even at his most masculine, that's never all or most of what he is, or how he seems to really even understand gender as a person.

It's not even that his way of understanding/engaging with gender is perfect or anything; it's very true to how he feels, but not by any means for everyone. But I do find the contrast between his theatrical performativity vs the alternative but inflexible supreme masculinity of Spock and the comfortable familiarity of McCoy's just really fascinating—and extremely surprising from their reputations, especially Kirk's.

But even fan spaces that dislike Kirk Drift tend to have a strong preference for binding him tightly to masculinity even beyond what Spock and McCoy get. Some is no doubt influenced by the movies, which work to masculinize him (as the original "Kirk Drift" article pointed out, iirc!), but it was definitely a shock to have so much of a sense of not just the awful pop culture take on him but also even the friendlier, not at all dudebro fannish takes that define him so overwhelmingly with masculinity, and then to watch even sketchy episodes like "Who Mourns for Adonais?" and realize this is the character they're talking about:

So I just discovered a cool conversation that spun off from one of my tag monologues on a gifset—I'd seen the initial tag peer review, but hadn't realized they'd gone further than that until @ladytharen tagged me. Yet again I didn't want to pester the original gifmaker too much, so I decided to respond separately to the part I found especially interesting.

For context, these were my original tags on the "This little thing? Just something I slipped on :)" Kirk captivity scene from "Tomorrow is Yesterday":

#captain gender strikes again! #i appreciate the read on this scene as 'captain kirk is a queer guy flirting with random 20th cent dudes holding him captive. bicon' #but personally my read is 'captain kirk is a queer guy deliberately leaning into effeminacy to fuck with hypermasc douchebros #from the very era in which the show was made irl. bicon' #it's definitely flirty but it is an aggressively feminine-coded flirtiness that's going to triply bother these kinds of guys #ngl i feel like kirk enjoys fucking with gender norms in all directions just because of who he is as a person (his true gender: diva) #but it's extra fun when it lets him troll ultra-military assholes neurotic about their own masculinity who are trying to intimidate HIM #(these guys aren't his type at all - christopher is much more that - but as usual that's not the point of the flirtation #k/s is nerd4nerd but also troll4troll)

I was really intrigued by this response from @mycroftrh, and thinking about it again on this inauguration of Pride month.

#yeah#in a certain context queerness and effeminacy are power#these are also unfortunately often the same contexts where queerness can get you hate crimed#but if you’re gonna be beat up/killed anyway…#you might as well make the homophobes maximally uncomfortable first

Yep, exactly. You can absolutely see the moment when he decides on exactly which side of his personality he's going to use for maximum effect on these gender policing, homophobic, ultra-military, paranoid bigots from the 60s:

I do think it's interesting that the full scene includes not only Kirk's bisexual chaos gremlin diva genderfuckery (enrichment for him!) but moments of fear and defiance:

He doesn't drop the flamboyance until he wants to, though. And the framing, lighting, angles etc only serve to emphasize their attempts to loom even more over him, aggressively get into his space, gesture right at his face to unsettle him, and his refusal to be intimidated by these fundamentally pathetic responses that are by no means free from real danger, just silly and contemptible nevertheless. It's not that he's too disdainful or amused at his own hijinks to understand how easily this could go very wrong. He simply has no respect for these men and enjoys leveraging their own hang-ups against them.

His eye make-up is also more than usually noticeable in the close-ups in this scene—even compared to other scenes in the same episode—which seems maybe not unrelated!

I think it's also worth pointing out that, TOS make-up aside, Kirk's navigation of gender performance in the original series is ... let's say, idiosyncratic. Most of the 23rd-century male characters are far more inflexible and singular about what gendered roles they're willing or able to inhabit. Kirk specifically is very deliberately fluid and versatile and theatrical about a lot of things, very much including gender performance and sexuality.

[formulafanfics13]

Hi!! it's been a short time since I've been reading your works and I'm loving it 💜 so I'm here to ask for one 👀

I would love to read one in which the reader is a famous Italian actress (29 years old) who has just ended a relationship publicly with a famous actor and ends up commenting to Lewis because they have been friends for years because she appears in a few races a year, creating this closeness but they have always maintained just a friendship. She's also friends with Charles, Carlos and George and when they find out that she's broken up, they bet each other how long it will take Lewis and her to give in 👀😈 (I'd love a smut hehe)

💜💜

What Are The Odds - LH44 🔥

masterlist

Summary It starts with a drink in the McLaren hospitality suite and ends with Lewis Hamilton’s mouth on yours. You don’t plan it. You don’t even want it, not really — not after the breakup, not with the whole paddock watching. But when Charles, George, and Carlos place a smug little bet about when you and Lewis will finally cave after years of tension, something shifts. You pull Lewis aside. You leave the party. You follow him upstairs. And for once, it’s not about the cameras or the gossip. It’s about every moment you didn’t kiss him over the years. Every time he held back. Every text at midnight. Every time he looked at you like a secret. Now there’s no holding back. The sex is slow, deep, sacred — the kind of full-body craving that leaves you ruined in the best way. And when it’s over, tangled in sheets and breathless laughter, you both know something’s changed for good. Let the whole grid talk. Let George collect his winnings. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

Warnings emotional smut, friends to lovers, mutual pining, tension built over years, alcohol (non-drunk), Lewis being soft but wrecked, gossiping drivers, emotional sex, praise kink, teasing, gentle dominance, aftercare, affectionate banter, Charles being messy, George being right, slow burn finally combusting.

It starts with a drink in the McLaren hospitality suite and ends with George Russell transferring fifty euros to Charles Leclerc. You don’t know that yet, though. You’re too busy pretending your world hasn’t just shattered.

“You look incredible,” Lewis says softly, and your glass stills an inch from your lips.

You glance at him, trying not to flinch. “Don’t say that like I look like a tragedy.”

He tilts his head, half-smile curving. “I didn’t.”

You don’t mean to sigh, but it escapes. The ice in your drink shifts with the movement, clinking gently like it’s mocking you.

Three weeks ago, you were walking Cannes red carpets with one of the most recognisable men in Hollywood. Now? Now you’re sitting on a folding chair at the back of a Formula 1 paddock pretending not to care that the internet has dissected every photo of you since the breakup like it’s a damn war crime.

Lewis, as always, is calm. Warm. Steady.

You’ve known him for years, met him during your first F1 race experience and he’d shown up to the afterparty in a deep red suit that made your entire group blink twice. You’d danced. Talked. Laughed. Swapped numbers and never stopped texting since. He’s the constant. The old friend. The only person in this circus who doesn’t make you feel like you’re being watched under a microscope. Except tonight. Tonight, something’s different.

“You don’t have to stay here,” Lewis says gently, nodding toward the lounge. “We can go somewhere quieter.”

You shrug. “I don’t care what they say. They’ll talk either way.”

His jaw flexes. God, you really are tired. From a few feet away, Charles is watching you like a hawk. Carlos is whispering something behind his hand. George is grinning like a devil.

You narrow your eyes. “What the hell are they doing?”

Lewis doesn’t look. “Don’t ask.”

You do anyway. You get up, slide your sunglasses into your bag, and saunter across the suite with all the grace your publicist has drilled into you since you were twenty-one and nominated for a damn BAFTA. Charles tries to look innocent. Fails.

“Spit it out,” you say, crossing your arms. “What?”

Charles clears his throat. Carlos looks away like a child who’s just broken a vase. George cracks. “Alright, fine. We placed a bet.”

You blink. “A what?”

“Not a serious one,” Charles says immediately. “Just-friendly. Harmless.”

“Not helpful,” Carlos mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose.

You raise an eyebrow. George is practically gleaming. “We bet how long it’ll take you and Lewis to sleep together.”

You go still. For a long second, no one speaks. Then you huff a disbelieving laugh. “You’re all idiots.”

“We said that with love,” Charles adds quickly.

“I said two weeks,” George says proudly.

“I said never,” Carlos grumbles, “but only because they’ve had years to fuck and haven’t.”

“Charles?” you ask.

He shrugs, unapologetic. “I gave it a weekend.”

You blink. “You’re unwell.”

He beams. “You love me.”

You don’t answer. Just stalk away, heart pounding too fast for comfort. Lewis is still leaning where you left him, watching you with that quiet calm he always carries like armor. You grab his arm and tug. “Let’s go somewhere else.” He doesn’t ask where. Just follows.

It’s quieter by the loading bay, just the hum of engineers packing crates, the sharp hiss of hydraulics being depressurised. You’re leaning against a concrete wall, fingers gripping the edge of your skirt, heart beating like a metronome in your throat. “They placed a bet,” you say without preamble. “About you. About us.”

Lewis exhales. “Charles, Carlos, and George?”

You blink. “How did you-?”

“They’re predictable.”

You laugh. Then stop laughing, because you’re suddenly aware of how close Lewis is to you, how the evening sun is catching on the gold in his earrings, how the veins in his forearms are more interesting than they should be.

“I told them it wasn’t happening,” you say, quieter.

Lewis looks at you. Really looks. And suddenly he’s not just your friend. Suddenly you remember every afterparty where he leaned a little too close. Every hotel lounge where you sat across from each other sharing secrets. Every premiere he sent flowers for. Every time he looked at you like you were more than just a beautiful face in a glamorous life.

He doesn’t touch you. He doesn’t say anything stupid. He just says, “I’ve never wanted to risk losing you.”

You forget how to breathe. “Until now?” you ask, voice smaller than you meant it to be.

He shakes his head. “No. I’ve always wanted to. I just… didn’t want to be the reason you walked away.”

You swallow. This isn’t the man you just broke up with, the one who kissed you on carpets and slept in other people’s beds. This is Lewis. Steady. Careful. Smart. Soft. And you suddenly realise that if he kissed you right now, you wouldn’t stop him.

You don’t. He doesn’t. Not yet. But when you brush past him, heading for the cars, he follows close behind. Quiet. Patient. Just like he always has. And somewhere back in the paddock, Charles Leclerc checks his watch and says, “I give it until breakfast.”

The afterparty that night was supposed to be forgettable. Just another race weekend wrap-up with too many people, too many cameras, and not enough air. The DJ played a remix of a remix, drinks were poured like the world was ending, and Charles looked way too smug from his corner booth, sipping tequila like he’d invented the bet himself.

You’d lasted an hour. Max tried to get you to shotgun a beer. Carmen complimented your shoes. George gave you a knowing smirk every time Lewis walked past you. By the time Carlos suggested karaoke, you’d had enough.

Lewis was already waiting at the elevator. You didn’t ask if he was leaving alone. You just followed.

Now it’s quiet. The door to his suite closes behind you with a soft click. Your heels hit the floor a second later. His jacket is draped over the chair like it lives there. You feel your stomach twist.

This is Lewis Hamilton. Seven-time world champion. Your oldest friend. Your not-quite-anymore friend. And he’s looking at you like he’s never wanted anything more.

“Are you sure?” he asks softly, not moving closer yet.

You nod, throat tight. “I’m not drunk. I’m not confused. And I’m not pretending anymore.”

He exhales like he’s been holding his breath for years. Then he’s there. His hands are warm on your face. His mouth covers yours in one slow, deliberate press, like he’s trying to memorise you all at once. It’s soft, yes. But it’s also desperate. Like he’s known how you taste since Monaco 2018 and never let himself admit it.

You sigh into him.

It’s been a long time since someone kissed you like this, no agenda, no performance, no audience. Just Lewis. Just the way he kisses. Mouth to mouth, forehead to forehead, hands tangling in fabric and skin and time lost.

The first moan slips from your throat when his fingers brush your waist under your dress. He stops. Pulls back.

You shake your head, tugging him in. “Don’t stop.”

He doesn’t. Not for a second. Clothes fall like they’ve been waiting to be discarded. His chain brushes your collarbone. Your dress slides to the floor. He kisses every new patch of skin like it’s sacred.

When he lays you back on the bed, you’re breathless. And when he says your name, just once, in that way that sounds more like a prayer than a question, you could cry.

“Touch me,” you whisper. “Please.”

He does. His hand traces every inch of your skin like he’s learning you from scratch, like you’re a map he’s wanted to study for years. When his fingers slip between your thighs, you gasp. His mouth finds your neck. Your ribs. Your inner wrist. “You’re perfect,” he murmurs, voice low and cracked. “God, I should’ve done this a long time ago.”

You arch into him. “Then do it now.”

His laugh is a breath against your cheek. Then he’s between your legs, lining up, and you feel his breath catch too. “Look at me,” he says, voice hoarse. “Please.”

You do. And when he sinks into you, it’s not just sex. It’s years. Years of parties where you could’ve kissed and didn’t. Of messages at midnight. Of longing hidden behind sunglasses and racing helmets. Of Charles fucking Leclerc betting on your future without knowing he was right.

He moves slowly at first. Deep. Unhurried. Like he wants this to last. Your legs wrap around him without thinking. “Lewis,” you whisper.

“I’ve got you,” he says, faster now. “I’ve always got you.”

You pull him closer. Arms tight. Breath tangled. The room spins just slightly from the weight of it, not just the sex, but the emotion. The honesty. The quiet storm of him finally being yours.

You come with a gasp, fingers curling into his shoulders. He follows a heartbeat later, muttering something into your neck that you can’t hear but feel in your bones. He doesn’t move for a long time. Just breathes.

You run your fingers down his back, slow and soft. “We just proved George right,” you murmur eventually.

Lewis groans. “Don’t ruin it.”

You laugh, warm and real. “Charles owes George fifty euros.”

“I don’t care,” he says, brushing your hair from your face. “Let them talk. Let them all fucking talk.”

You smile. Because for the first time in years, you’re exactly where you want to be.

[kiththecat]

it is time for me to talk about the psychology of ajwiaap branzy (never mind the fact that i have never studied psychology outside of doing my own research and analysing my fave pieces of media)

because lately, i’ve been thinking about how the story went from something with a lighter tone, to psychological horror. and i've always been aware that each development happened because i sat down and considered how the events would realistically affect branzy. and yet, it kind of sneaks up on you.

so let's talk about unreliable narration, addiction, and trauma bonding, etcetera. let's yap😊

i think it’s pretty obvious that i never planned to write something with this level of toxicity. you can read the first author’s note where i, young, hopeful, unknowing, say this fic is me evening out the power imbalance. those were the times.

funny thing is, already back in the early chapters, i was keeping track of their toxic behaviors. i have a list in my outline chapter that reads: no boundaries, they both like mind games, they’re both obsessed with one another, would kill for each other no questions asked, and possessiveness. back then, it was just a silly little list i made because you can’t write them healthy, but you don’t want them abusive.

and let me be real for a moment here. by chapter 11, i was dying to write some messed up shit, but i didn’t want it to come out of nowhere. i wanted to be able to look back in the story and see that the signs where there and they just went unnoticed because of branzy’s unreliable narration.

here’s what branzy does whenever he’s struggling: he makes light of a situation and never ends up processing it.

there’s one line in the very first chapter that goes like:

“But now he looks smart in the way that Rek is with Branzy; the way he knows Branzy—and Branzy doesn’t want Rek to hear about this thing at all.”

and back then, i just used it to set up rek’s existence, but whenever i look back at it, i think this is branzy recognizing that rek’s involvement would mean being forced to interact with a perspective that treats his predicament with the appropriate severity. he cant pretend it’s not a bad situation to be in if his best friend is there, serving as a reality check. rek will look through him and rek will stay .and when rek finally does show up and makes all his good points, branzy literally brushes it off with “i wouldn’t worry about that.” 

this is chapter four and he’s willfully ignorant to the danger he’s in. and will continue to be so.

at that same time, he’s getting addicted to it. he knows he has no choice, so he engages and when he experiences successes, like profiting off clown’s appearance, or successfully managing the halloween murder incident, or seemingly becoming someone who’s special to clown, those give him such a kick, a thrill, that it’s almost comically easy to ignore the negative implications.

and on top of that, there’s genuine chemistry with clown. there’s this inexplicable connection that’s more intense than any other relationship could ever dream to be. every little praise and validation from clown makes him feel seen, loved, while from clown’s perspective, there’s someone who’s eager to please but surprisingly deadly. they study each other, and the more they learn, the more intertwined they become.

it goes downhill though because of the lack of boundaries, the power imbalance, and the possessiveness.

the lack of boundaries in the earlier chapters are toxic, but excusable when it comes to branzy’s reactions. sure, he’s scared the first few times clown invades his personal space. but lets look at chapter three. when branzy is spiraling because of the crisis, clown covers his mouth and forces him to calm down, and when branzy complies, clown praises him. later, clown wipes away branzy’s tears and orders him to figure it out. in chapter five, most of their cutesy affectionate interactions, involve the scythe. so from the very start, clown’s affection is indistinguishable from danger. sure, branzy is into that because the emotional intensity is addictive by nature, like a high, but these smaller instances are like the snowball near the top of the mountain, still safe, but you see it rolling👀

then, there’s the power imbalance. again, obvious. but it’s viewed through a more lighthearted lens in the early chapters. branzy never had a choice. this is just a fact. it doesn’t matter that he got something out of it too. he only did because clown allowed it. in chapter 17 (i think) i had rek bring up the complications with consent in their relationship. because throughout the entirety of the fic, branzy’s ability to consent to anything has been extremely dubious. there’s absolutely not an absence of coercion. the partnership is built from veiled threats and self-deception, no matter how real the feelings are. but all the way up until chapter 10, branzy’s playing on his home-field. he has an inherent upper hand there, even if it’s severely undermined by his powerlessness. the reason everything falls apart in the house is because he went from controlling his surroundings—which he had created—to being forced into complete submission. and in chapter twelve, when he tries to challenge the arrangement, it ends catastrophically.

lets talk about the scene that set them back for a moment. the wrist breaking incident. because i like that one.

for starters, branzy absolutely knows that he’s going to deteriorate mentally if he stays isolated and uninvolved. but when he expresses this to clown, he kind of downplays it. (“I think…” he starts slowly, “that for the sake of my sanity—that we might want to reconsider the whole ‘trapped here indefinitely’ thing.”) this is coming from a man who’s already displayed a flair for the dramatic. i don't think he expresses the severity of his needs here

and then there's this whole thing:

“Oh, you know, the fact that anyone would be an idiot to attack me in public? And even if they did, can you imagine the coverage?” He quickly shakes his head. “Not important. The point is, from what I’ve seen of Parrot and his little team of troublemakers, they don’t want, nor benefit from having their reputation be smudged any further. Which it would be. If they tried to kidnap me with a bunch of witnesses. So I should be fine to go out.” “You’re expecting a lot of predictability from the people who attacked your park,” Clown retorts. “And you’re not thinking about all the other people who hate me too.” He sighs. “I’ve gotten a very good picture of how much of your thought process is dedicated to keeping yourself safe, Branzy, and it’s almost nothing—beyond submitting to whoever threatens you first.” “Attacking the park was a predictable move!” Branzy argues. “I’m not saying they won’t kidnap me! Goodness knows they’ll do anything to kill you. But the waiting game doesn’t work with the media. If Parrot shows up and saves someone tomorrow, things will shift again, and I’d rather they kidnap me than that happening.” Clown regards him for a moment, radiating disappointment. “You’re not making a good case right now.” “And you’re not being a very good—friend.” The word comes out stilted, wrong. Branzy glares down at the floor. “Okay,” Clown says, sounding more tired than anything. “You get to go out in public, and then what? You test the waters? You decide you might as well speak to a few more journalists and officers, a politician too if you’re being bold. You get that far, might as well open the park again. Tell me this: which one of your rides do you want blown up next?” He snaps his fingers. “Ah! I remember you saying that the Ferris Wheel was due for a renovation. I’m starting to think that this whole thing was an excuse to tear it down without having to hire a demolition crew.” “That’s not—” Branzy’s eyes sting, so he rubs them with the palm of his hands and tries to recover. “God. That isn’t it, Clown.”

branzy’s greatest strength, his strategic thinking and understanding of media dynamics, is overridden and undermined. no matter how good his points are, they’re made to be irrelevant when standing against his reckless tendencies. and it's being done in a location he has no choice but to be in, after a traumatic incident that also served as a huge sacrifice. on top of that, he picks up on disappointment from clown, and he’s dedicated so much of himself to please clown at this point. he opened his world to clown and made him a part of it. there’s no going back from that.

and to top it all off, clown physically harms him. i liked this scene because if you go back as early as the first chapter, branzy’s already decided that clown isn’t interested in hurting him. he’s sacrificed his life to serve clown, and when he tries to create autonomy and involvement and intimacy, it ends up in flames. it doesn’t really matter that it was an accident, an old, useful instinct, because it blurs the line between violence and care even more. control and protection can’t be told apart anymore either. branzy recognizes it as an accident because he refuses to see it as anything directly harmful, but it also teaches him that physical harm is on the line. and he buries that concern too.

again: branzy never processes anything ever

lets talk possession quick because that’s one element of clown’s perspective i'm willing to talk about.

making clown wealthy was a very deliberate choice. he’s younger than branzy, but he’s been raised in an environment where he gets what he wants, where there are thousands of subtleties and slights in all interactions. he can love branzy with his whole heart and still not be able to untangle that from feelings of possession. he feels entitled to branzy. because he’s clownpierce and he gets what he wants and always has.

branzy’s home life was deliberate too. i haven’t shown much of it, but from what i have included in the story, it's clear that there’s some chaos. of course, we join branzy at a time where he’s been away from home for over a decade, so he isn’t going to be thinking about that. but i definitely think that growing up in a household where he was an unwanted only child and where his mom got his only close relative arrested left a mark. like it’s skewed his perception of what love looks like and if he even deserves it. i guess. so he “thrives” in a relationship where things are dysfunctional because that’s what he knows. i don't know. maybe he feels the need to justify his existence.

anyway, point is, the power imbalance doesn’t just come from clown’s reputation. it's in his privileged upbringing, his strength, his profession. he’s been made to use people, to always be in control. he can’t just relinquish that. he can’t let go of branzy. so they’re both trapped, in a way.

point: branzy needs chaos as distraction, clown becomes both chaos and the relief from it. clown loves the attention and keeps himself distant to manufacture a stronger emotional response when he comes back. (and what if i said he was scared of branzy getting bored with him. what if)

AT THE SAME TIME, branzy is vulnerable and clown loves that like idk what to say. give it time and branzy will be biting into vulnerabilities too.

okay im running out of things to say now but here’s a list of signs you’re in a trauma bonded relationship

relationship moving at a fast pace (check)

love-bombing (mhm)

intense emotional swings (yes)

fear of abandonment (haha yes)

isolation (gee)

abuser-pleasing behavior (oh dear)

feeling ashamed (aw heck)

power imbalance (chu-chu)

excusing negative behavior (oh no)

associating or confusing abuse with love / intensity with intimacy (ding ding ding)

repeated patterns without repair (shocked pikachu face)

lack of autonomy (yikes)

inability to leave (hmmm emoji)

loss of self-identity (i mean he literally saw the void in a mirror)

dependence on validation (:/)

these are most certainly present in the later chapters, but i do think the early chapters put down the framework. of course there are still a lot of missing pieces within the story due to lack of understanding of clown’s motivations. spoiler: he's silly?

but things like addiction (branzy is clearly a workaholic) and emotional repression were always there. the “this is fine” mindset is build to collapse. he’s a self fulfilling prophecy. and lately i've been looking at branzy from a perspective of not someone who just waltzed into an unfortunate situation, but someone whose mental stability was held together by duct tape and super glue. healthy people don't overwork themselves to the point of passing out. healthy people have a work life balance. healthy people don’t fall in love with evil assassins. and the only reason i can get away with saying any of this is under the excuse that branzy is amazing is self-deception. because we all know that i first started to consider all these things in chapter 12 lmao.

oki im done yapping now heheh 🥰

[didyouhangthemoon]

Mha and jjk headcanons in which I have no grounds for

Dabi (cuntilicious king 🙏)

- LOVES SOUP like this man will guzzle down some tomato soup like if life depends on it

- also very good at making it with his quirk but it's always way too damn hot to actually eat so no one but him likes it

- was so good at just dance when he was a kid, always had the highscore and would tweak out if Natsuo did better

- really likes southern accents but would absolutely berate you for having one

- we know he doesn't eat fish but I personally think its more of a texture issue than a flavor one

- has personal beef with pescatarians (for no reason mind you)

- would actually really get along with Toga and Twice if he stopped being edgy (I think he stops with this after the reveal and the Dabi persona dies down)

- has never dated or honesty even considered it, I really hate the whole manwhore fanon version of him because he canonically is oblivious to flirtation and basically skipped the puberty cutscene and probably has zero dating interest let alone wanting to sleep with people he doesn't know

- had really good posture as a kid but after the coma he very quickly developed emo middle schooler shrimp posture

- has a shit ton of surgical scars but you can hardly see them unless they're on his unscarred skin

- IF he liked someone romantically he would brutally fumble every attempt to be romantic to the point where people think he may just be messing with you

- and no he will NOT confess but he will be mad that you (despite having no clue) haven't confessed on his behalf

- before he became a villain, people on the street would ask who he was cosplaying upon seeing his scars and thinking they were fake

- HATES cosplay for this reason

- would give someone he likes a weirdly affectionate nickname and then swear to God that its actually a niche insult (he did mental gymnastics to get to this conclusion)

Aizawa

- this man love him a sweet treat, esp coffee jelly or a more bitter dessert

- actually has a full haircare and oiling routine he just doesn't style it so it looks insane but it's healthy asf

- elaborating on that last one, short but solid and cheap skincare routine as well as overall high quality bodycare routine

- kind of person to spend 3k on a mattress, he doesn't typically blow money much but he gets awful knots in his back so having a good quality and very comfortable bed means a lot - definitely the cooling gel kind

- has an adjustable desk that he can stand with, bought it thinking that it would help him stay awake late at night (then he fell asleep standing and gave up on that)

- eri and him are in an ongoing 'argument' about whether or not they should get a dog or a cat

- REALLY likes living in the dorms, he loves that he's nearby everything and doesn't have to make a commute anymore, also feels very assured about the safety of the students

- he always cared about women but midnight explained modern feminism and the social issues to him in high school and ever since he's been hyperaware of the little things in the day to day

- Really likes the children's shows he and Eri watch, one time he made an 'everypony' joke to 1-A (they will never live this down) also his favorite is Twilight Sparkle

- does tons of research on all the shows they watch before they watch them, he knows she already seen WAY too much thanks to Overhaul and really cares about keeping violence or god forbid gore away from her

- hates horror movies and thinks people who like the crazy ones are weird

- most his Spotify is just brown noise

- acts nonchalant about his birthday but literally cherishes each gift and has a memory box of the cards and letters people give him

- thinks vaping is the devil and side eyes the soul out of anyone he passes doing it, sometimes he'll activate his quirk if they look younger

- his favorite shirt is a sweatshirt he's had since he was 17, its plain dark grey and has a few holes but is super soft and worn down now, he wears it after a long day and to bed, almost never out the house

- keeps extra hairties in his desk in the teachers lounge for the girls to use during training (But he loses his own all the time)

- Eri once gave him a plushie and it resides on his bed at ALL times

Hawks

- wears Spongebob boxers, that is all

Nanami

- coughs like CRAZY when he's nervous, like people stare it's so loud, insists he just had to clear his throat

'I have something to tell you-'

'AHEMGOUEHGOUGHG- Yes?'

- luxury body wash

- has a really nice facial moisturizer

- sleeps on his stomach and sprawled out

- on a shameful and rare occasion he will listen to his old emo playlist from high school

- wears his watch downwards

- fucking goes crazy with some scrabble

- Gojo once bullied him for using high vocabulary words in high school and he's STILL a tiny bit salty about it

- doesn't lay down on couches because he will zoink tf out in all of 30 seconds like a divorced father

- secretly LOVES magical girl anime, but would NEVER tell a soul this and you khm if Gojo found out

Gojo

- one time tried to pirate a movie with Suguru in high school but got a weird email and it scared him so much he bought a new laptop

- shares his streaming services with Megumi

- furthermore tries to stalk what he watches so he can learn about it and make jokes with him but he always fumbles the joke

- refuses to teach his students math, like will NOT do it, Yaga has to on his behalf

- wears super cute and fluffy socks at all times an has a huge collection

- has a few online friends but he kinda lies about who he is to them

- desperately tries to break the ice with Utahime (am I spelling that right?) and Nanami, genuinely just wants friends so bad but they never give him a chance, Mei Mei (ew I know) is much nicer to him but still won't actually be his friend

- has a expensive ass baby blue mini foot spa thing but never uses it, tried to once but it tickled and he threw it into his closet immediately

- credit to my sister @theclassiccherry but Gojo once accidentally hit the bidet button in the bathroom and screamed (like Finn super high pitched) at the top of his lungs, when asked about it he denied it and then gaslit Yuji into taking the blame

[tadasfics]

date everything headcanons part 1

really don't know what I'm doing, anyways request fanfic and I'll get around to it! (One day..) I will do

Oneshots

Long ass fanfics

Smut

Headcanons

Sorry this took me so long, I have been on my date everything grid lately, if yall want 3-6way headcanons for couples like Washford and Drysdale or The hanks hmu Anyways smut in next post

Sfw

Volt

He seems Like he loves to drape his clothes over you to show that he bagged you. During a night at the club after saying some things to the crowd he will go over and drape his jacket over your shoulders especially when the bar is cold that night from the ac.

You paint his nails, he gives you the nail polish and gives the excuse he likes it the most when you do it but its really his excuse to have your hands on his hands.

He loves to show you off all the time, pda after a while will be mandatory, he will walk up behind your seat at the club and just give you soft affectionate kisses on your neck and run his hands down your waist

He loves your body warmth against his. He seems like he will pout if you pull away in your sleep but he will hold you close to his chest while the two of you sleep He lives for your praise, if something doesn't wow you he will make sure to go above and beyond.

Eddie

He enjoys silent moments between you two, if you're sitting At the bar on a mainly empty night he will make you a drink and just stand near you, maybe even humming softly.

He tends to get upset easily with people who ask you OR him excessive questions, he feels the pressure even if it's you. He will snap back at anyone who pressures you into answering questions

Eddie finds nights where it's just the two of you the best. He puts an arm around you and holds you close but not tightly unless something is wrong. He gives you head kisses while you two are relaxing

He makes drinks Inspired off of you but you and him are the only ones that can have themWhen he is out of work he loves to stay in and watch shitty movies he doesn't pay attention too. He falls asleep mid way through while petting your hair.

Chance

once got told he talked about tabletop games (DND/GNG) too much and even if it was once it still made him think every time he talked to anyone he was talking too much about it. So he tried to find other things that interested him but nothing really stole his interest like those games did. And whenever he talks to that person who says he talks about those games too much he lets them carry the conversation because his biggest fear is ever being that much of an issue to where they need to point it out to him again.

Whenever he is asked about his interest he lights up and you swear you can even see the light in his eyes get brighter. He will tell you everything you need to know and then some.

He needs constant reassurance, he doesn't get Jealous but he gets this doubt in the back of his mind always telling him off He tends to share pain, like you're upset he will take your pain on as his own and it completely bothers him because You're important to him. so He never wants you to feel any kind of pain

He loves pda, he needs you by his side at all times. He holds your hand a lot in public and loves when you lead him around your favorite stores. It gives him ideas on what you like and what he can get you to make you happy

Parker

He understands sometimes getting to sleep can be hard when your mind is racing so fast so if you're ever anxious or feeling stressed at around bedtime he reads you a rule book but he doesn't get too upset if you fall asleep in the middle of his “spectacular reading” As he calls it. He will just act like it bothered him just to get a rise out of you.

He likes to take you to museums and treat the whole layout of the museum like a board game, like as if you have to follow a specific route to get out. And every time you two get to the exit he says “we won!”

he claps when the plane lands. And I don't mean just a small little clap he is putting a round of applause together and letting out one of those loud whistles.

He sleep talks The most random things. In the middle of the night you will hear him say “don't throw the peanut butter at my spouse, you'll get them clean” and if you question it he calls you delusional.

If you ever had an argument he made you you two played a game and that's how you decided if you made up

Dorian

He tends to enjoy silent moments with you, watching a new movie on TV while Leaning Against each other, silent drives in the dark. all of it feels so intimate while being somethings two people who are friends and lovers can enjoy He likes to know that you two can just be your own people while in a relationship and

finds overly clinginess as a red Flag. He likes the “don’t go” or you holding onto a shirt of his until he returns, but if you stalk his location and pry out details that seem intrusive he will end things viewing it as toxic.

He is not a fan of PDA but he will always have a hand on you if someone gets too close incase something happens where you two need to run. He is aware that anything can happen at any time.

He just wants to make you feel safeHe holds doors open for you, one bc he is a gentlemen, two bc he wants you to glance over at him and smile like how you normally do when someone opens a door for you, this man lives for your smile.

He is the type of man to claim “I don't dance” at a formal event before wiping you off your feet with his ballroom style dancing.

He likes the titanic (idk just seemed very… dorian)

Please don't repost/translate! Og work by Tadasfics on Tumblr!

[offbranddrpepsi]

Hey! I have an idea: writing jealousy headcanons for Yandere Tejo, Vyse and Reyna. If it's not too much, you could include Iso in it too, that would make me soooo happyy >ᴗ<

Of course! This will be SFW <3

Jealous Yandere's ft. Tejo, Vyse, Reyna, and Iso

Tejo

Jealous Tejo isn't too different from normal Yandere Tejo

He's overly affectionate. His hands are on you so long as the cause of his jealousy is nearby. Around your waist, your back, across your shoulders. You are nestled into his side well and securely

He takes over any conversation with you involved. Tejo answers for you, leads the conversation, and ultimately finds a way to end it if at all possible. He feigns you two having dinner plans or a training date

Obsessively drops you're his partner. If he can say it he does and he never feels out of place! He entirely just gives off the 'loving, doted partner' so everyone's cooing at you meanwhile this is the most 'polite' way he can say to back tf off

If something occurs and he isn't there then he finds the next excuse to be. Someone being a little too friendly at work? He's bringing you lunch and flowers. Barista chatting you up/asked for you number? He's there instead picking up your usual order under your name, flexing "oh, that's my partner, aren't they great?" You don't ask or are fully aware he's doing this but he is and, thankfully, people keep their friendly distance from you

He is all about subtle but loud so you're also wearing new jewelry. You've gotten yourself a spa treatment and look absolutely pampered. Its clear you've got a pep in your step and are glowing. It's all so you can gush "Oh! My boyfriend/husband got it for me!"

his methods are simply, subtle, but very very effective!

Vyse

Jealous Vyse is kind of hard to pick up on right away because shes like a coin

On one side you're getting the same treatment as before; mark ups, overly critical comments, pampering that seems super back handed.

On the other shes directly talking to the person making her jealous. Shes assessing them, trying to see if they are even a threat or if its just a case of friendly banter. To those outside, you included, it seems shes just being her normal self but this woman is doing high level mental math.

Vyse outright interrupts your interactions. Shes butting in mid conversation to remind you that you had training with her, degrading you a little/making you look forgetful or lazy. Before anyone can bump in shes snatched you up and you're out the door. Training she scoffs and takes over helping you from them the moment they try and touch you. It doesn't matter if its harmless, you're hers and only she gets to 'help' you.

She also just keeps you stupidly busy so theres zero chance of you bumping into anyone until shes 'secured' the situation. You're relieved for a break from training only to be told you stink and to shower. Fresh out of the shower excited for lunch and BOOM shes got food in her hands pulling you to go look over something with her privately. It never ends but she at least makes sure you actually get done what you need done.

At some point she deadass, much to your embarrassment, asks the person (s) what their goals are with you. If they think you're attractive, etc. She shuts each of them down, tearing into them in ways that KILLS any self confidence this person has. Its not mean girl stuff its "Oh? Do you think you'd be able to even keep up? They scored the highest on the simulation last time. What do you even bring to the table that they'd want?"

To really jam that thorn in she will, when just they are aware, wrap a possessive arm around you and tilt her head in to get a kiss. Daring them to try something.

Reyna

Reyna is grumpy the moment someones trying to make any perceived moves on you. You're aware shes jealous but any action by you does little to calm it.

She stays on that line between irritated and genuinely angry. What seems to act as a sort of pacifier is letting her smother you in bites. You're just a fancy teething toy for her but it pauses her ranting and seems to ease her a little. This is just a measure of asserting her dominance. There's so many you cant possibly hide them or pass it off as your cat getting a little to aggressive while playing. Anyone who knows the two of you knows exactly who caused them and they spread it back to exactly who Reyna wants to hear it.

Reyna has you scooped into a breath taking kiss before you even know shes there. You're giggling as she coos over you, squishing your face, and asking you how you're day is. Some of the other agents are making gag sounds to tease you but that doesn't much matter to her. Shes rubbing her possession of you in anyone whos watching faces.

She is also a bit like Tejo in the way she will just show up when ever this person(s) would be interacting with you. Unlike Tejo though she is always stunning! This woman has money, status, and most importantly knows how to show off without it being too much. She's got you wrapped around her arm as she picks up lunch, that server that always chats you up oddly quiet. Shes spotting you at the gym and also being an utter show off by using you as the weight, showing just how capable she is and how much you adore her.

As soon as its apparent you've been left alone she is back to her usual self and you are covered in a lot less bites!

that being said, should someone not take the hint or try and 'show' you her behaviors Reyna does escalate easily. She's out right threatening them, finding them on their way home and isolating them to send home the point she is not to be crossed. She doesn't want to shed blood if she doesn't have to, especially if it'd concern you, but she will if needed and has zero problems tracking her prey down.

Iso

Starting off I have to state Iso is more of the quiet Yandere. He keeps to himself, he's a little awkward, doesn't really talk much when he 'on guard', and has ZERO concern for social graces.

As such he will just appear and take you, without a word, away from the cause of his jealousy. He's got you pulled away, asking you a million questions before taking you some where else to get food/clothes/ etc.

Its honestly kind of cute! He's so pouty as he talks about people taking you from him, cheeks puffed up as he plays around on his phone. You cant help but reassure him as well as entirely fawn over him. It's adorable! But that little adorable mask covers his plotting.

Before the end of the day he's gotten all the information he needs on the person. He is a hitman after all. By the end of the week he knows their routine, their schedules, knows where they'll be when as well as where anyone that matters to them will be. You're unaware, him giving you his cute quiet affection that you take as him mopeing

Iso doesn't act right away though nor does he push hard for you to change your routine. Iso himself likes routines, he likes the places he does and doesn't like swapping them so he wouldn't pressure you to change it up. Instead he watches. He follows you just out of sight. Every interaction you have is noted and monitored as well as judged.

That person crosses a line he's ready. Iso has the skill set to destroy someones life in a matter of seconds if he wants, all without too much of a care. Everything is quiet, done before anyone knows what's up, and cleaned up with zero trace anything even happened. Be this the person getting taken out or simply 'encouraged' to leave town. Its seamless and your routine is preserved.

Once everything is done he's back to you, being the silent and loving partner he is. Probably curled up in your lap playing video games while you talk about the new barista at your favorite coffee place or your new manager at work.

[teddybearty]

I love the way you draw plus size men like Homer and Peter, You make them handsome without taking anything away.

Thank you thank you!! 💕

[vaguely-concerned]

I really really like that lucanis reaches the 'there must be some way through this' realization 'off camera', so to speak, while presumably looking at rook explaining the situation to spite. it just. hits right. he gets that moment to himself after 'this place is a nightmare, why would I want to stay here' to come back into focus, to gather himself and think it through in peace, outside of the demands of anyone’s gaze (including the player’s!), while rook takes care of spite’s confusion and urgency and distress as he can’t himself in this shattered state. they're inside his soul, but he still gets that moment of privacy, with rook and spite there and supporting but not intruding. idk there's just something so good and right-feeling about it. rook's presence in lucanis' mind at its most vulnerable and frozen could have felt SO invasive if the quest wasn't written as skillfully as it is, and I get skeeved out by that kind of thing incredibly easily so it's a testament to how well it's done that it always feels safe and supportive. lucanis has had both his bodily and psychological (slash spiritual/existential) integrity and autonomy violated so brutally and repeatedly, and having even the way the camera perceives him here grant him the dignity and respect and privacy of soul he hasn’t experienced in a long time… it’s a whole thing huh. No wonder it’s taken me a while to put it into words lol 

(also what a contrast to what solas and rook have got going on, and what a sly way to slide the point of comparison in there to build to the thematic whole. the solas version of this IS of course wildly invasive and skeeves me out but in the intended delighted horror movie way. solas, too, was let into someone’s soul through the cracks in the wake of a traumatic event, and he IMMEDIATELY sought to turn it to his own benefit and use that trauma as a weapon against them fhdsja I’m sorry but it’s just such a character-revealing instinct for him to act on without hesitation and I love how terrible he is, it’s all so unforgivably premeditated and consistent.

rook acting out of the desire to make sure lucanis is ok vs. solas going ‘well. When life gives you oops killed my friend, make dead friend poisoned lemonade and make his loved ones drink it. this sunk cost fallacy isn’t going to perpetuate itself’ is such a neat contrast and it’s not in your face about it but it’s still there, deep and solid down in the thematic narrative. rook doesn’t do anything to or in lucanis’ mind, really — they negotiate their way through the layers of defense and are let through, and they help him make the whole thing more explicable, but they never exert any force or go rooting around for anything that doesn’t present itself to them first. solas goes about gathering ammo for when he's going to nothing personel kid this person from like the first moment fhdskh doesn't waste a second before he's on that gaslight gatekeep girlboss grind. the fact that the game goes out of its way to show there IS a respectful, non-selfish and kind version of this process makes what solas is doing even more deliciously awful (glee) and rook and lucanis’ relationship (platonic, romantic, whatever it might be in any given playthrough) all the more moving to me)

[twinstxrs]

idk if this is accurate but i’ve felt like in previous seasons riz & gorgug have been one of the inter-bad kids dynamics we’ve seen the least of & this season has been so great in that aspect. gorgug having helped make some of riz’s magic gear. riz helping gorgug with his studies. the shared birthday party. gorgug’s gift to riz being something he himself made to protect riz. riz’s gift to gorgug being something he illegally grabbed to protect gorgug. gorgug who utilizes rage to put his body on the line for his friends & riz who will take deep levels of mental stress for his friends. even though it was within the context of a joke, riz calling gorgug an “absolute sweetie.” like yea they might not be in a band together or both part of a presidential campaign team or owlbears teammates, but they’d go to war for each other, because they’re best friends.

[mellioops]

Mermit-A-Day May 6: Mumbo Jumbo

The idea of him being this big scary whale but also the most soggy little guy ever makes me very happy <3

[deadpoets]

GEORGE HARRISON’S OUTFITS: DAY TEN – JANUARY 16, 1969 The Beatles: Get Back (2021) dir. Peter Jackson