#and I mainly just drew it because I thought it was funny so I’m completely going back on that

[bxnnie-bxwl]

boyfriend had convinced me that helpy really does look like a funtime freddle.. and was like funtime “fronnie parents!!” and I loved the idea… but remembered that I drew a drawing for a crackship a friend came up with (bonbon and Helpy) and thought “oh shit fuck I don’t like that..” and I honestly just see bonbon as a chaotic parental figure now so IM NOT FOR THAT CRACKSHIP ANYMORE, don’t want it!

wanted to acknowledge that because I DO NOT like shipping like that so it’s out the window completely and Funtime fronnie are chaotic parents now to me… just wanted to say it! hope you guys get my meaning! <33

[kitty-box-101]

I don’t tend to do Post where I’m just talking but today I think I needed to talk about something The phenomena of guilt some people have over shipping

TLDR: Komamiki enjoy yours are the strongest soldiers of the fandom

In a server it seemed that a few people share this common feeling because God forbid you like something different than what’s popular

Then I mention a rare pair that I know a few people like had it as a discomfort to the point where I censored the word (using the Discord spoiler thing and btw it’s komamiki so ajshhs) especially for a friend who is in the server who I know it’s his discomfort

Despite that my friend notice and joined in the conversation, at first, it was joking around like haha your my enemy haha “you’re the reason I don’t talk about this ship” I said that jokingly but looking back this came off more like I had a grudge against him 😭lol

Then my friend explained I quote “ it’s problematic so not too surprising” (in a fandom like dr throwing that word around is not good at this point it’s lost its meaning and has so much nuance that it simply is a black-and-white)

Probably the fact that it was my friends discomfort clouded his judgment, so it makes sense that he was gonna be sort of bias, he explained why to him it was problematic and a lot of it was up to personal preference. The only moment I can see being a problem was when in one of the manga mikan is on top of Nagito (my friend says that she s/a him and I heavily disappeared. It did not seem like she was doing anything to him other than pointing needle at him, which you know now that’s just a different thing)

It also had to do with her habit of making her patient sick so they stay longer, as far as I remember in the game, it was definitely the opposite, and wanted to make sure that he was alive more than anything before she got infected with the disease. This goes with all the other patient characters, I think a pretty good example would be fuyuhiko who stayed at the hospital and came back and it’s not like he stayed for so long so it’s not like she was planning that.

Would Mikan normally go that extreme just for a classmate to stay sick and with her? No i don’t think so

I didn’t exactly bring up my opinions and points exactly I just kinda nodded, but didn’t necessarily agree with anything, there was another person involved in the conversation mainly asking a lot of questions like why they think it’s problematic ect. I guess it was hard for my friend to explain since he was in school and couldn’t write out his thoughts properly ( he explained it to me later that he has a hard time detecting tone on text, but like still wondering what made him think I wasn’t listening to what he was saying

(and I was starting to think he was getting uncomfortable since it seemed like he was made up to be the bully cuz I ship them) and he said at least twice that he wanted the conversation to stop, but it kept going ??? Hell people were even backing me up, saying what I was doing was harmless and just letting me be a silly goobre and hell I even found someone who ships it that as well  eventually he genuinely said “I give up 💔” which I found funny in a kind of “could you not be the dense!?” Way 

After a while, I decided to check up on friends since In his insta note it said he wasn’t feeling well. I decided to check up on him and he said he was fine and explained more of why he doesn’t like it. Just like I thought it had a lot to do with projection, which I completely understand. You’re going to project to your favorites a lot and seeing a contradiction of your personal hc we’re gonna hurt just a little if you do take them personally.

Now here’s something. I’m definitely going to ask him about; and his Twitter he had a post that was just “Komaeda is gay” over and over again and sure I drew him a little drawing to show good faith, but I wonder if it was done out of spite? not because of me, but because of hc(and in his own words the bi hc for Nagito makes him vomit)

I very much have an issue with that kind of language because obviously someone who hc him that is going to feel like shit and that’s literally not what you wanna do ever

There’s definitely a lot to sort out ? I’m in good terms and everything Hell love the guy/p but it’s those little things that I gotta get out of my system and the only way I know how is My talking about it in a social media he doesn’t have ajhsgsgs don’t wanna feel like I’m shit talking yk?

But ye that’s all just remember to respect other peoples ships and if you don’t like them, just say they’re not your cup of tea and go drink your cup of coffee ☕️

(if somehow you’ve made it this far in reading, you’re insane and that’s awesome)



[ilovefandoms102]

The Worst Vacation

Pairing: Drew Starkey x Plus Size Reader

Summary: Your boyfriend surprises you on your vacation with your work friends...

Note: Inspired by my trip to AZ which was terrible so this is kind of based off real events that happened to me but dramatized for the story, and of course inserting my baby daddy Drew😛.

Click here to be apart of my taglist

=====================================

Life works in funny ways…

I never expected to find the love of my life a little over a year ago. Drew came unexpectedly into my life and we instantly had a connection. I know, I know...sounds extremely cliche, but it’s the truth.

Although our relationship was mostly long distance, we made it work. Sure it was really hard sometimes not having him around, but once I graduated from college we planned on moving in together. It might seem a bit fast since we have only been together a year, but I’m ready and I know Drew’s the one I want to spend forever with.

=====================================

I go on vacation with a girl I work with every year, Sally, since I started working with her two years ago. This year, we chose to go to Arizona. I was super excited because we had also planned on going to Las Vegas and Los Angeles.

Drew was extremely supportive and was happy that I was getting the opportunity to travel. I was hesitant with wanting to go at first because I had wanted to save up enough money to visit Drew while he was filming.

However, we both agreed his schedule was too hectic at the time and that we wouldn’t be able to properly spend time with each other. We were both disappointed, but still I was excited to go with my friend.

Or so I thought…

The trip was slowly turning into a disaster, everything that could have gone wrong did. My friend had brought along her niece, Caroline, which I didn’t mind despite not knowing her very well. It felt like the trip was mainly focused on them and I was just there to be the chauffeur.

I called Drew the first three nights of my stay crying because they were so awful to me. Drew being the sweet man he is offered to pay for a flight home, but I declined. I already had spent too much money to not finish out the trip.

“But sweetheart, if you’re not having a good time there’s no point in being there.” Drew pressed, his handsome face lighting up my phone screen.

“I know honey, but I’ve already spent a thousand dollars for this trip. I can’t just come home and leave them here.” I sighed, snuggling further into what would be my bed for another 10 dreadful days.

“I’ll give you the money back angel, I just don’t want you to be miserable when this is supposed to be a relaxing trip.” Drew insisted.

“I’m not taking your money Drew you spoil me enough.” I smiled, wishing more than anything he was lying here with me so I could kiss his cute face.

“I always want to spoil you baby, you mean the world to me.” he professed, grinning widely afterwards.

“I miss you so much,” I whispered, my heart aching to feel his strong arms around me.

“I miss you more,” he whispered back, pouting his lips slightly.

We talked until one of us fell asleep only to call back the next morning. My friends even had the nerve to comment on how much I talked to him.

“It’s a little obsessive...I mean you guys have been together for what a year?” Sally condescended, narrowing her eyes at me.

“Yeah? So what?” I questioned, the annoyance clear in my tone.

“I’m just saying it’s weird.” she scoffed, crossing her arms behind her head as we laid out in the sun by our pool.

“It’s weird for me to talk to my boyfriend?” I asked, making sure I was extra sarcastic.

“Every second of the day...yeah.” she chuckled, making my blood boil even higher.

I chose to be the bigger person however, and just kept to myself.

=====================================

The 5th day of my vacation, I hadn’t heard from Drew the whole day. It worried me, but I was also thinking about what Sally said. Maybe I was being clingy…

A knock on the door startled me from my thoughts. I thought maybe one of the girls had ordered food or something, so I opened the door and my mouth dropped open.

“Hi baby,” Drew greeted, my eyes watering from pure joy.

“Drew! What are you doing here?!” I asked excitedly, throwing myself in his arms.

“I came to see my baby,” he mumbled into my cheek, placing a gentle kiss on the red skin from being in the sun.

“Are you actually fucking kidding me?!” Sally exclaimed from behind us.

“Well nice to meet you too.” Drew mumbled sarcastically while letting go of me but not completely.

“Chill Sally, he’s just here a few days.” I huffed, rolling my eyes as I turned to face her.

“This is supposed to be OUR vacation!” She reiterated, throwing her arms out.

“It still is our vacation,” I emphasized.

“Not when you’ll be all over your boyfriend!” she shouted.

“I barely get to see him as it is Sal, you know that.” I said softly, trying to gain an empathy pass so she would just leave me alone.

“Whatever,” she sighed, clearly irritated as she stomped off.

I paid her no mind since she threw fits all the time like this. I pulled Drew to the room I was staying in, slamming the door shut. Drew threw his stuff by mine, then smirked at me and tackled me on the bed. I let out a little squeal, beaming up at the handsome man that I got to call mine.

“I’m so happy now,” I confessed, biting down on my lip to try and keep my tears in.

“Me too my love,” Drew whispered, sealing our lips for the first real kiss we had shared in a long time.

=====================================

Today was the day we were taking a drive to Las Vegas, which I was very very excited for. It was a nice change to wake up to soft kisses instead of Sally barging in here and demanding I wake up.

“Good morning beautiful,” Drew murmured in his deep morning voice, his kisses continuing their loving assault.

“This is a very nice wake up,” I giggled, snuggling further into him.

Drew hummed in agreement against the skin of my neck, his slight stubble tickling the delicate area. His large hands felt up the curve of my hips, taking my(his) shirt with them.

Drew had always claimed since we started dating that he was obsessed with the wide curves that I hated more than anything. He even said he loved how thick my thighs were, which I never thought in a million years I’d hear come from a man’s mouth.

“I love you, my girl. ” he whispered, my heart fluttering in my chest.

“I love you, my man.” I whispered back.

Our moment was rudely interrupted when Sally banged on the door saying we needed to hurry up. I couldn’t control my eyes from rolling in annoyance as Drew and I untangled from each other. We got ready quickly before making our way to the car to start the four hour trip.

=====================================

The drive was smooth sailing, Drew and I taking turns driving while Sally pouted about having to sit in the back. My hand clenched Drew’s tightly at her sly comments. Luckily, Drew wasn’t having it with her since he knew I wouldn't say anything.

“So this is the guy you’ve been obsessing over for the past year?” she asked snootily, knowing it would irritate me.

“I think it’s more like I’m obsessed with her.” Drew spoke up, squeezing my hand before smiling at me.

“Really? She never shuts up about you.” Sally retorted, raising a challenging brow at him.

“Well, I’m glad because I’m the same way with my friends, they love her.” Drew chuckled, but I could tell he was just as irritated as I was.

We stopped to get gas thankfully or otherwise I would have exploded. I stomped inside to the restrooms, slamming the stall door shut.

I got in the drivers side after I came out, Drew waiting by the door to open it for me. I smiled small at him, getting on my tipey toes to kiss him quickly before getting in.

We finally had made it, but things were not looking good. I had accidentally ended up in the old part of Vegas instead of the main strip, and Sally blew up on me.

“How can you be so fucking stupid is it really that hard to type shit in on a map?!” she screeched.

“It’s not that big of a deal, we're not far,” Caroline commented, annoyed with her aunt's attitude.

“God this is a fucking disaster I don’t even want to be here anymore!” she shouted, my hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. Drew sat in silence, not sure what to do to diffuse the tension.

“God will you just shut up! I don’t know where every fucking place is in the world! This is my first time here just as it is yours, now just shut the hell up and let me concentrate!” I finally snapped, angrily typing on my phone to figure out where we needed to be.

I found where Caesar’s Palace was located, and they just so happened to have free parking as well. I slammed the gas and took us there. Drew and I got out of the car, but Sally and Caroline didn’t budge.

A few minutes later, Caroline storms out of the car slamming the door as hard as she could. She rushed past Drew and I, heading towards the exit.

“I’m sorry y/n, I hate that she treats you like that.” Caroline spoke up once we exited the parking garage.

“I’m used to it, she talks to me like that at work too.” I confessed, Drew whipping his head towards me.

“Y-You never told me that…” he murmured, looking down at me with an almost hurt expression.

I shook my head at him, signaling now was not the time.

=====================================

Sally threw her tantrum, then met us in the Bellagio. We sort of made up, but I did it merely so the rest of the day wasn’t awkward. Drew was quiet, probably still a bit upset with me.

We toured the hotel, the decorative flowers and artistry truly breathtaking. We ended up in front of Hell’s Kitchen where we would be eating later tonight. Drew and I took some pictures together to post on our stories while Sally and Caroline walked towards Caesar’s Palace.

“I wish you’d let me say something,” Drew blurted, sitting on one of the steps with me standing between his legs.

“No Drew, it will just make things worse.” I sighed, leaning into him.

“She’s so mean to you my love, I don’t like it.” he stated, his arms coming around me.

“I’ll be ok baby,” I mumbled, playing with his hair while smiling down at him.

“How about...you and I sneak away.” Drew suggested, tapping his fingers on my hips.

“Then they’d really be pissed,” I chuckled.

“We can just say we got lost.” he shrugged.

“Why do I feel like you’re up to something Starkey?” I questioned, raising my brow at him.

“I may or may not have booked us a room for today.” he grinned slyly, suddenly pulling me tight against him.

“To cuddle?” I teased, smirking as I ran my hands up his chest to the hairs at the back of his neck.

“Well yes...but also to fuck.” Drew said bluntly, smiling as I gasped at him.

“Joseph Starkey!” I exclaimed, giggling as my cheeks turned a deep shade of red.

“Baby come on it’s been sooooo long, my balls are aching.” he whined, cupping his hand over his manhood.

“Awwww are they? My poor baby boy.” I pouted, rubbing his cheeks with my thumbs.

He nodded, his lips pouting out as well. I couldn’t help the smile widening on my face, his cute pout making my insides melt.

“Let’s go then Drewbear,” I giggled, pulling his arms to stand up.

=====================================

We quickly checked in, rushing up to the room. I didn’t have time to appreciate the beauty of the room, Drew immediately spinning me around and lifting me into his arms. Drew laid us down on the bed, my phone rang out, no doubt one of the girls calling.

“Drew, I-I should get that.” I panted, his kisses moving down my neck. I felt his hand snake down my body, reaching into my pocket to take out my phone.

“They’ll be fine without us,” Drew smirked, lifting up and silencing my phone.

“Drew I should at least text the-” I started, but stopped talking when Drew took his shirt off.

“Sorry baby, were you saying something?” he asked rhetorically, smirking at my staring eyes. I shook my head, my eyes traveling down his toned form.

Drew stared down at me, his gaze sending chills down my spine. His hands traveled from my knees, down my thighs, up until they reached the bottom of my shirt. His eyes flickered to mine, and I nodded my head. Drew’s hands went under my shirt, my breath hitching in my throat.

I lifted my hands, sitting up a little so Drew could take my shirt off. He tossed it to the ground with his, while he did that, I unhooked my bra and threw it in the same direction before laying back down. Drew’s hands ventured towards my breasts as his lips explored the skin of my collarbones, lightly nipping at the area. I couldn’t contain the moan that escaped when Drew lightly rolled my nipples between his fingers,

“Fuck,” I whispered, my nails lightly digging into his scalp as I tugged on his hair.

Drew wasted no time in getting to where he really wants. He shoved off both our pants and underwear, situating me just how he likes before he buried his face in me. His tongue worked wonders, licking and sucking on each spot that made me tick.

“Oh my, baby please don’t stop.” I begged, my back arching slightly off the bed as my legs started enclosing towards his head. Drew lifted his head momentarily to stick two of his fingers in gently, my eyes rolled to the back of my head.

“My girl has such a pretty pussy.” he commented, his breath ghosting over where his tongue had just been.

I moaned loudly at his praise, gripping the sheets between my fingers as I felt my orgasm just in reach. Drew smiled as his mouth went back to work, his fingers increasing their pace as well. I could feel the band about to snap, my legs shaking the closer I got. With just the slight curl of his fingers, the flick of his tongue, and I was done for.

“I’m-” I gasped, not finishing my sentence as my orgasm hit me like a freight train.

“Mmmmm fuck yes baby,” Drew groaned, working me through it as he watched the cum drip from his fingers and onto the bed sheets.

Drew took his fingers from me, sliding them in his mouth to suck them clean. My stomach fluttered watching him, it was the hottest thing I had ever seen him do. He then grabbed my hips and flipped us over so I was on top, my head spinning a bit from the quickness of his movements.

“My turn princess,” Drew smiled, kissing my lips hotly before lying back down.

I smirked down at him, kissing my way down his body. I got to his vline, leaving my mark down it until I got to his dick. I licked from his balls to the tip, squealing lightly when his hand was suddenly in my hair. His chest was moving at a rapid pace, his eyes burning into mine as I took him in my mouth.

“I missed your mouth so much my love, fuck it’s so good.” he moaned, throwing his head back.

I moved my head up and down, using my hands to meet my mouth with what I couldn’t fit in my mouth. His grip on my hair tightened, pushing my head slightly. I gagged once I got to the base, taking a deep breath as my eyes watered.

“I’m gonna cum,” Drew panted, thrusting his hips into my mouth as I sucked harder. I pulled all the way up, sucking on his tip and flicking my tongue as fast as I could. He moaned as he came, spurting his seed into my mouth.

“Let me see, did you swallow it all my good girl?” Drew asked, pulling my hair so my mouth was removed from him.

“Mhm,” I hummed as I showed him my tongue that was clean.

Drew smiled at me, moving his hold to either side of my face and smashing my mouth to his. I held his wrists, moaning softly into his mouth as I shuffled closer.

“Come on beautiful, I want to see you on top.” Drew whispered, helping me straddle his waist and inserting himself inside me.

“Oh my god, Drew.” I groaned, digging my nails into his shoulders.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good.” Drew grinned, helping me move on top of him.

I rolled my hips into his, the tip of his cock hitting my gspot which had me a moaning mess. Drew slid a hand down so his thumb rubbed against my clit, a high pitched whine flying from my lips as I moved faster.

“I could live in your pussy,” Drew moaned, his thumb pressing harder.

“Drew,” I pleaded, throwing my head back before coming back to stare into his beautiful blue eyes.

“Would you like that baby? To sit on my cock all day?” he growled, thrusting his hips upwards to meet mine as I came down.

“Yes, I would love it.” I whimpered.

“I can feel how close you are my love, cum with me.” he demanded, but I was already there before he finished his sentence.

“F-uck baby,” I squeaked, my body going to cloud nine as I shook on top of him.

Drew came seconds later, burying himself inside of me. I laid my head on his shoulder, ran out of energy to keep myself upwards.Drew held me to him, laying back on the bed as we calmed down.

“Ok?” he asked.

“Amazing,” I answered.

=====================================

After we met up with Sally and Caroline, explaining how ‘lost’ we were, we ate dinner at Hell’s Kitchen. It was amazing, but definitely not worth the price. We walked around a few more shops in Caesar’s Palace, actually getting lost and taking a while to find the way out.

Once we did, we came across a group of men walking by…

“Damn she thicc,” one commented.

“Ooooh she got a nice one, hello!” another yelled.

Drew turned around to say something, but I yanked his hand to keep walking.

“Do not,” I hissed.

Drew instead to make it clear I was taken, placed his hand directly on my ass.

“Drew! We’re in public!” I whisper yelled, but he made no move to remove his hand.

“I don’t give a fuck,” he shrugged.

“Hey baby! Why don’t you leave your pretty boy to be with a man for a night!” someone else called, Drew’s eyes narrowing.

I was suddenly airborne, Drew bending down and lifting me into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist, surprised to say the least.

“Drew! Put me down!” I yelped, holding on to his shoulders.

“Apparently, these boys need to know you’re taken.” Drew snapped, tightening his grip on me.

“Seriously babe, you’re gonna hurt your back.” I mumbled.

“Didn’t you say your feet were hurting babydoll?” he questioned.

“Yes, but Drew-” I started.

“You’re light as a feather my love, I could carry you all day.” he spoke softly, kissing my nose before coming to a stop in front of the water show between Caesar’s Palace and the Bellagio. He sat me on the railing, standing between my legs with his hands placed on my hips. I kissed his cheek, smiling at how sweet and protective this man of mine was.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you baby,” he whispered back, sealing the deal with a soft kiss as the water show ended.

=====================================

Taglist:

@themaddies-obx @jeyramarie @mxltifandoms06 @bibliophilewednesday @evaporatedrosepetals @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @haley-talks-too-much @dpaccione @itsyagirljay @abbyj1822 @gviosca @runway-to-my-aid @obx-direction-sos @iamaunicorn4704 @cheshirecat107 @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @holy-spn @starrystarkey93 @poguestyleskye @x-lulu @deionswannabegirl @heresalltheshit @lynlovesouterbanks @lemur46 @nina1800 @ilovejjmaybank @noneofmybusiness-cl @artfork @bolaurel @ifilwtmfc @kaitieskidmore1 @outerbongs

[dead-lesbians]

I’m talking about my Forzen headcannons!!

- Forzen can’t control his teleporting. He will simply get teleported somewhere at random. However, he usually can’t leave until he finishes something, like in a video game where you have to complete an objective before you can leave. And usually he doesn’t know what this is so he just has to fuck around and find out.

- Forzen is Dr Coomers son (shout out to that one post that brought this headcannon up, if I find it I will link back to it). However, neither of them know this. BUT both of them have more knowledge on each other than they should. One of coomers wife’s left him way before he man knew she was pregnant.

- butch lesbian. I am allowed to be self indulgent and headcannon him as a butch lesbian (he’s also gender apathetic and uses he/they/she/it pronouns)

- He’s shit at video games. Plays them. Is bad. Always blames the controller. Has broken many.

-Forzen was probably part of some fucked up Military experiments as a kid.

-It’s actually SUPER good with kids. Like it can get a crying baby to calm down within 5 minutes every time.

-she has a half brother, he’s called Jeremy and is like 10 years old. He’s a super smart nerd and is the reason Forzen hasn’t actually died by doing something extremely stupid. Forzen really cares for her brother, very protective of him.

- her relationship with the science team isn’t TOO bad, but they are all kinda waiting for Tommy to forgive her before anything, and Tommy does NOT like Forzen. At least for a while. Eventually they make up (and then they make out)

-they have quiet a few tattoos, most of which are not done professionally. When they eventually make up with the science team , they let them draw tattoos on their back. Benrey absolutely drew a penis to try annoy them but Forzen thought it was funny.

- Benrey and Forzen are exs. They broke up for a really stupid reason as well. They started dating, Benrey assumed Forzen was a gay dude and Forzen assumed Benrey was some weird lesbian. They assumed wrong. And only found out like a year into the relationship, they’d probably moved in together and everything. Now they are super sour about eachother.

-I think Forzen would actually get on well with Gordon.The two will stay up late talking, Forzen kinda has no filter and Gordon has gotten so sick of everyone’s shit that they are just super honest at this point and give eachother advice. It’s definitely a little gay too but only the rest of the science team actually realises this.

- I’ve said this already but sunkist and Forzen are BESTIES. Like Forzen probably apologised to Sunkist , and like he genuinely felt super bad and you could tell and so sunkist gives him and a chance and turns out they get on super well. Sunkist will go to his place and they’ll sit and watch irate gamer videos. Sunkist is also somehow better at video games at him. She always wins in Mario kart.

-Darnold and Forzen…their just gay man. I could make an entire post about these two’s relationship alone. Darnold probably tried to stop Forzen from taking sunkist, (it was very open about dognapping her) but Forzen just laughed, called them cute, and left.

- they love going to the gym me thinks.

- Sad ahead wuhoh. Forzen will sometimes not be able to sleep because of chronic pain. Turns out being in the military can kinda fuck up your body. It’s one of the few times she will cry. She probably sits up silently sobbing to herself, not only because everything hurts (and medicine that hasn’t been prescribed can only do so much) , but also because she knows her days of like, still being able to function normally with0 help is limited and she doesn’t wanna bother anyone by asking for help, but she kinda needs it.

(Implied suicidal thoughts in the next one btw)

-relating to the last one. When she finally DOES reach out for help, it’s probably Gordon she goes to first. Mainly because of the arm thing. She probably went to Gordon and went ‘yo bro can I ask for some advice’ and Gordon probably thought it was something kinda dumb but then she just starts opening up about these serious fucking issues with her body and how some nights it’s so painful that she wishes she could fall asleep and never wake up and Gordon’s just like ‘???? Wh??’ Because he did NOT expect that.

-has fat tits /hj

[justapoet]

falling for you

Three times Carlos had had his heart broken and one he could mend it.

2.5k

As a child, seeing a stray dog searching for food would be something to break Carlos' heart ― it still is, but he learned, as the years passed, that he couldn't help everyone. As a teenager, movies about dogs who died and listening to what people had to say on every single subject that didn't have to do with them would also be something to break his heart. As an adult, consequently, as a cop, humanity ― and the lack of it ― would be daily breaking the man's heart.

But, those were heartbreaks that he learned to deal with. Leaving dog food for a few stray dogs at his street, avoiding any Hollywood project that involved dogs, or pretending he was deaf when people started to mascarade cruelty with honesty. He also would repeat that "not everyone can be saved" after every shift, so he would not drive himself insane every night.

He didn't know, only, that none of those heartbreaks could've prepared him to see sadness and loneliness inside the most beautiful and shiny eyes he's ever seen.

He's been in love before, for a few times. If being honest, he could bet something around two or three, all of them being different for him to feel.

The first time was when he was thirteen, and that was this sweet boy that used to sit by his side at science classes. He never really talked about it, but he knew he could be in love with Morgan when, every time they hugged each other, a silly smile would come to his face.

But he never really tried anything. Firstly, because he was way too shy to directly talk to someone, and secondly because he would always imagine that it was nothing, and maybe it wasn't worth the risk. They were young, after all, and he was well aware that it was practically impossible for any relationship at their age not to have an end. He didn't like ends at all, so he would tell himself that it wasn't it. He never fell in love before that, so maybe he was just messing things up. It stopped hurting the next summer.

Falling in love with Morgan was easy and unnoticed. If he fell in love at all.

The second time, he was fifteen. There was this cute boy, always smiling and being kind and lovely, mainly with his girlfriend. Honestly, he would always laugh remembering how he loved to imagine what could be different in another reality, and how it lasted until he was seventeen and finished high school. It was even funnier to look back at those nights he would hold his pillow and let himself be sad for someone so out of reach.

Falling in love with Trevor was funny and lasting.

The last time still haunted the corner of his dreams. He was twenty-three, a young cop starting to get recognized by his supervisors, and he also dreamed about finding something ― someone ― as stable as his life was being.

He thought he had found that in Declan. It was sweet and soft, at the beginning. He was a kind, caring and picture-perfect man anyone could ever dream about. Until all those dreams became nightmares right in front of his eyes, and he seemed to be trapped in a severe case of dream paralysis.

He couldn't remember when the verbal aggression started, but he remembers the first time he stopped eating and worked out till exhaustion just because Declan said something about his thighs. He couldn't remember when he stopped talking, but he does remember the first few times the man said his voice was too weird and his opinions were shallow and irrelevant. He couldn't make himself remember when the first punch came, but he surely remembers the voice of the dispatcher telling him that the police were on their way.

He didn't remember when he last looked in the mirror, but he could never forget how his sergeant looked at him, that night.

That was a kind of heartbreak he never thought he would have to deal with himself. And it was so worse to think that what hurt the most weren't his broken ribs or the bruises all over his skin, but the way his heart seemed to be so small and so... Wasted. And what was even more painful was that that man didn't only leave his love aside, but made him leave himself behind in the darkness and doubt.

Falling in love with Declan was a mistake.

Carlos could still remember the pain of each one of the situations. How he would forget his feelings for Morgan by using the word "friend" again and again, or how he would just smile at Trevor and give advice about where to take Sarah on their anniversary. He could still remember the sleepless nights he spent at the hospital, the cruelly painful therapy sessions, or how ridiculous it was for a cop to flinch at anyone suddenly raising their voice or approaching him too fast or suddenly.

And yet, that none of those heartbreaks could've prepared him to see sadness and loneliness inside the most beautiful and shiny eyes he's ever seen. Nothing he'd been through could've made it hurt less to see tears streaming down his cheeks and his lips pressed so his sobs weren't too loud.

"TK?" he called as he opened the door. His eyebrows were almost pressed together, worrying at the moment he heard the knock on the door and not the keys clinging. "Babe?"

He moved so TK could walk in, and Carlos closed the door as TK sat on the couch, his knees brought up close to his chest and his elbows resting over it, his head buried in his arms. Carlos approached carefully, his steps soft against the floor. He sat beside his boyfriend, looking at him and waiting for anything; any move, word, sound, whatever. His hands were on his lap, and he didn't move at all.

"She's leaving again," TK said, still hiding his head on his arms, his voice heavy with tears and muffled by the position. "didn't even say a thing, she..." and a sob interrupted his sentence. Carlos stood still, not knowing what to say. TK was talking about Gwyn? Didn't she and Owen decide to try again? Weren't they expecting a baby together?

He had clearly missed something.

After a few minutes, TK was still crying, and he couldn't stop himself even if he felt pathetic. Carlos got closer, his knee slightly touching the side of TK's leg, and asked "Can I touch you, Ty?"

He didn't answer. Instead, he let his body slowly bend to the side, and Carlos quickly opened his arms so his boyfriend could make himself comfortable. TK put his head against Carlos' shoulder and his hand gripped tightly to the t-shirt the cop was wearing, as Carlos' arms were circling the smaller body and holding him tight. His hand drew circles on TK's back, trying to calm him down for the next few minutes until the paramedic was only sniffing quietly.

"Do you want to talk about it, babe?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper. TK went silent for a while before saying anything, his tears, also silent, making Carlos' shoulder wet and his heart small.

"She's leaving," he said, his voice hoarse. Carlos couldn't be sure which were more broken; if TK's words and voice, or if his own heart. "My mom. She's leaving, going to New York again and-" he stopped, just for his next words to sound filled with anger and pain. "And she didn't even think about telling me".

Carlos kept quiet, waiting for TK to say everything he needed to.

"What was the point of all of this?" he asked, after a few amount of time.

"The point?" Carlos asked softly, considerably curious.

"Why did she come to Texas after all?" he said again. "Because I was shot? Because I can't remember a moment she sat by my side and talked to me. I can't remember of a second she asked if I was okay, or what was going on in my life" TK moved his head, looking at Carlos then. "The only time I heard her talking about me as if she was worried, was when she was blaming my father about me getting shot or about my overdose" he laughed humorless, looking at the ground. Carlos wished so bad he could take it all away. "And that's even ridiculous because they don't even remember that today's..." and he stopped himself.

Carlos frowned at his reaction to the half-said sentence.

"Today?" Carlos asked. "What is today?"

TK tried to pull away and Carlos let him, seeing how he seemed to try to hide among the furniture. He looked down, biting his lip and curling his body in a ball.

"Ty, babe" he called again, getting closer and touching his boyfriend's arm as he didn't pull away. "Amor, what is today?"

He murmured something that Carlos couldn't understand.

"Cariño..." he called again, and TK sighed.

"One year," he said. "I'm one year sober, today".

Carlos' eyes opened wide, and he let go of TK's arm for a second in his choked reaction. TK lowered his head as if he was ashamed of admitting it. Carlos couldn't help but smile, suddenly, and he made his way to be kneeling in front of his boyfriend.

"Ty!" he said. "Oh, God, Ty!" he laughed, and TK held his head up just a bit to see Carlos smiling with tears in his eyes and an oh-so-beautiful smile on his lips. "This is incredible, you're incredible! Oh, por Díos, I'm so, so proud of you, love" he said, and TK seemed to be confused, his bright green eyes still wet and vulnerable.

"You are?" he asked, his voice so low that Carlos could barely hear.

"Of course, yeah, I am," he said, holding his boyfriend's hands in his. "Eres tan fuerte, mi amor" he whispered, slowly getting up so he could press his forehead to TK's. "Tengo tanta suerte de tenerte"

"What does it mean?" he asked shyly, and Carlos laughed briefly.

"I'm so lucky to have you," he said. "You're so strong, my love".

There was a glimpse of hope before TK sighed, shrugging.

"It doesn't matter," he said. "Not even my father remembers it, and I-"

"And you've been sober for a year, after all that happened to you. After moving out of New York to a completely new town, after getting a new team, a new job. After risking yourself daily, after getting shot" Carlos listed patiently, taking TK's face between his caring hands.

"After recovering from it, and deciding to risk yourself all over again. After having so many bad days, so many reasons to give up, you've been sober. You've been through your worst days wide awake and facing everything strongly and fiercely, just because you didn't want to give up. Of course, TK, it matters. You matter, love. To your team, to your father, even if he's being an idiot. And, to me, TK, you're just everything" his eyes were deep on TK's teary ones, and he could only smile. "It might not be much at all, but just so you know that you're so much for so many people and absolutely everything for someone else."

TK couldn't stop more tears to fall silently, as he stared into those beautiful brown eyes that meant the world to him. He sighed again, a little laugh getting out of his lips as he smiled just a little bit. Carlos smiled widely, happy that he could at least get a smile from the other man.

"It's everything" TK whispered, then, making sure his nose touched Carlos' and his breath reached his mouth. "It's not "not much at all". It's everything. You're everything," he said, leaning forward to press a kiss against the cop's lips.

Despite the salty tears, the kiss was just as sweet as all of their kisses were; it tasted like comfort and caring. TK could feel the tension and heaviness of the morning leaving his body as he slowly stood up just so he could wrap his arms around Carlos' waist. Between kisses, Carlos smiled and hugged his boyfriend back, just to break another kiss and leave a few ones on his boyfriend's pretty face. The paramedic smiled, putting his forehead against Carlos once more and tightening the grip on his body.

"I love you," he said, and the slightly taller man smiled.

"Te quiero, cariño" the latino whispered back. "You can't even imagine how proud I am of you, TK Strand. The strongest man I've ever known" his hands were kind while caressing TK's body slowly. The act was sweet, and TK could easily melt. "And that's not even the best part, to get to know you".

TK chuckled a little, knowing that Carlos's next words would be just as sweet as his tone.

"Yeah?" he said, hiding his face on the crook of his boyfriend's neck. "And what would the best part be?"

"I'm lucky enough to have this strong and incredible man loving me just as much as I love him," he said, and TK could feel his heart racing. He doubted he could ever react differently to Carlos Reyes. "Did I mention he's the love of my life?"

TK could feel tears in his eyes again.

"Yeah?"

Carlos nodded.

"Yeah" he agreed. "He's the strongest man I've ever known, he loves me and, one day, I'll marry him" his voice was barely above a whisper as he felt TK's grip tighten, and he smiles softly and put his lips against his ear. "Can you believe it?"

TK laughed against Carlos' warm skin, nodding happily.

"I can" he answered, moving again so he could face Carlos once more. "Thank you".

Carlos smiles.

"Always. And forever" was his reply. "And, although you're unfairly gorgeous even crying, I'd love to make you forget the reasons you had to cry for, especially today".

TK smiled.

"What do you suggest?"

"First? A nap" he said. "Then? I'll call Paul, Marjan, Mateo, Judd, Grace, and Nancy to come over so we can celebrate the strongest person we all know" his voice was soft and full of love. "while eating tacos and seeing Marjan destroy everyone on every videogame we can find. What do you think?"

"Only if you promise me cuddles too," he said, smiling just as much as Carlos.

"Anything else?"

"Nah," TK said, pressing a quick kiss to Carlos' mouth. "I don't need anything more than you".

While TK snored softly beside him, a few minutes later, Carlos could only think about how the sight of TK crying could break his heart more than anything else, and how the simple knowledge he was okay and even a little bit happy was enough to mend every crack in his soul.

Falling for Morgan had been easy and unnoticed. Falling for Trevor had been funny and lasting. Falling for Declan had been a mistake.

Falling for TK was just right.

[jawabear]

Hello, can I request a fic for Whiskey with prompts 58 and 70 from your prompt list

Brick Wall (Agent Whiskey x Reader)

Not my GIF

A/N: Hi. Sorry this took so long Anon! And I’m sorry it sucks! I’ve been super stressed lately and my brain is all over the place. But I hope you enjoy it. It got better as I went which is good but...I don’t know. I just feel a little all over the place. But writing helps me :) hope you enjoy it! Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Prompts: 58. Please don’t cry 70. I have feelings you know

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: fem!reader, crying, drinking, coldness, I don’t really know, not a lot I don’t think

Summary: Finally, he gets to go on a mission with the girl he loves, but she’s not exactly gifted in the social graces like he is

“Tell me again why I’m the one who has to do this” (Y/N) groaned as she adjusted her dress. It was far too snug for her liking. But her like was to not be in a dress at all. But when attending a fancy charity ball got the sake of a mission, she was a little out of options.

“Because all other female agents are currently otherwise occupied” Ginger explained for what felt like the hundredth time to her. (Y/N) wasn’t entirely thrilled about being pulled onto a mission with the most obnoxious agent in the agency.

“You hurt me darlin’. Thought we were going to have a nice time tonight” talk of the devil. Agent Whiskey, Jack Daniels, stood in the door way of Ginger’s office.

As much as he annoyed (Y/N), she had to admit, he cleaned up good.

He stood there dressed in a specially tailored sleek black suit with a nicely pressed white shirt and black tie. He didn’t wear his signature Stetson which was a little off outing actually. But his hair was neatly slicked back, he looked pretty dashing.

But (Y/N) was good at hiding her emotions and gave him no expression as she looked him up and down.

Jack on the other hand was not as good at hiding his emotions. And when he look at her, you could read him like a book. His face said what his words couldn’t. He stared at her with his mouth open, his eyes raking up and down her body, loving the way the red dress hugged her body so perfectly. Showing off those beautiful curves she had. He had never seen her dress as such, mainly because she never had.

“Wow sweetheart..” his voice was low “you look...wow”

“Thanks” she muttered “but I feel ridiculous. Let’s just go and get it over with so I can take this stupid thing off” she slipped her gun into her thigh holster and walk past him.

Jack turned to look at Ginger who gave him a soft look in return. “What am I supposed to do?” He sighed “the woman despises me. How the fuck am I ever going to tell her how I feel?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say Jack” Ginger shrugged “she’s a complicated person. And as frustrating as it may be for you, you may have to either give it up, or just tell her”

“I can’t...give it up. She’s...I’m head over heals for her”

“Then tell her. This is your chance. The perfect opportunity to tell her how you feel because it will be just the two of you”

“Yeah...I guess you’re right...”

“But in between that, make sure you complete the mission this time”

-

“This is a fucking shit-show” (Y/N) hisses under her breath “we’ve been here for nearly three hours and still no sign of any of them”

Jack downed the rest of his whiskey and placed his now empty glass on the bar he was leaning on, it being swiftly taken away by the bar tender but Jack was waved off the offer of another.

“Let’s face it Jack” she said to him “this mission is a bust. They’re not coming”

Jack nodded in agreement “I guess you’re right” he reached over and grabbed her hands pulling her towards the dance floor.

“What are you doing?” She asked him, slight anger in her voice at being dragged against her will.

“Just because they’re not going to show up, doesn’t mean we can enjoy tonight” he assumed the classic dance position. One hand joined with her and his other arm snaking around her waist in a firm grip to keep her there, but he knew she was string enough to get out of his hold without using much of her effort.

She said nothing but just glared at him. This didn’t deter him from beginning to waltz her in a small circle to the slow beat of the music being played. For a while she allowed him to dance with her, if you could really call it that. She wasn’t exactly making it easy for him. Her body was stiff, he wicked been better off dancing with a brick wall at this point. But despite that, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Even if she was being difficult, he couldn’t deny the joy just being with her brought him. How he was the one who got to see her dressed up so nicely. He didn’t have the words to describe how beautiful she looked. How well she seemed to fit in with all the stuck up rich people surrounding them, calling themselves beautiful. But no one was more deserving of that word than she was.

Still, his frustration at her lack of cooperation was growing inside him. He wasn’t one to get angry, especially not to those he liked, but she admitted herself that the mission was a bust, there was no reason why she couldn’t let her guard down.

“There’s no one here you need to impress. So you can stop being so uptight and cold” his mouth betrayed him. He didn’t want to say anything to her about it. But the words slipped out without his consent.

Her eyes went wide at his words. Her body tensed. But her shock soon switched to anger. Anger he had never seen in her eyes before, it was more of a hurt anger than anything.

“Fuck you Jack” she hissed before yanking her hands from him and turning sharply, cleverly weaving herself through the crowd of people.

He immediately regretted what he said. He didn’t mean it. Well, not really anyway. He wanted her to relax, to feel comfortable around him. He should’ve worded it better, not just straight up insult her.

For a moment he just stood there awkwardly, none of the surrounding guests seemed to pay him any attention as he stood there. But when he finally came to his senses again, he stormed off in her footsteps. He had to apologise. He had to tell her how he felt before he fucked it up even more.

The trail lead him out on to a balcony where she lent against the stone wall, the moonlight outlined her perfect body so beautifully he almost didn’t want to approach her. He just wanted to look at her for a little while longer.

But he had to say something to her. He swallowed thickly and took cautious steps in her direction. When he looked at her, he saw her head hanging low as she stared at the ground way down under them. He felt so guilty that it was because of him she looked so...hurt.

“Sweetheart-“ he tried, reaching out his hand to stroke her cheek but she swatted it away and gave him a sharp look.

“I know I don’t always act like it but I have feelings you know” she turned back away from him and lent against the railing. “I’m not...just the heartless person everyone thinks I am..”

“You’re not heartless (Y/N), no one thinks you are-“

“Oh Jack. Just fucking stop okay? You know as well as I do that everyone hates me. Everyone thinks I’m heartless and...and cold. And yeah, maybe I am. But it’s not my fault. It...it wasn’t my fault...”

Jack didn’t need her to explained herself. He knew her story inside and out. He knew about all the traumas in her past. And he knew that anyone who faced close to what she did would find it difficult to smile again.

He noticed, when he looked back at her, that a tear fell down her cheek, perfectly reflecting the pale light of the full moon above them. “(Y/N)” He said her name quietly and reached over to her cheek again, but this time she didn’t shoo him away, she let him touch her. Jack took her face in both hands, tilting her head up so their eyes met. “Please don’t cry” his thumbs brushed gently under her eyes, wiping her tears away.

In perhaps a strange way, she looked beautiful when she cried. He had never seen her cry before. The way her eyes sparkled in the moon light made his heart flutter. There was no one more beautiful than her. He could feel himself getting lost in her eyes. Just getting lost. Getting closer, closer, closer to her...

She drew in a sharp breath and pulled her face from his hands. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands and looked away from him “we should...get back to the mission” she muttered before taking a few steps away from him back towards the inside of the building.

But she was stopped when a firm hand took her arm. “Fuck the mission” he told her. She looked at his over her shoulder and saw the slight glimpse of desperation in his eyes.

“What?” She whispered, a little shocked but his sudden words “Jack...we have a job to do” she didn’t attempt to worm her way from his sturdy grasp, she quite enjoyed the warm of his ridiculously large hands on her bare arm.

“Fuck the mission” he said again, “you said it yourself, it’s a bust. A shit-show. So now I just wanna spend tonight with you” Jack carefully pulled her back into his chest and resumed the dancing position from earlier.

“Jack-“ she tried but she didn’t exactly know what she wanted to say. She wasn’t going to turn down an opportunity to spend a lovely night with Agent Whiskey, but they had a job to do.

“Fuck it, (Y/N). For tonight. Fuck ‘em all. I just want it to be me and you tonight. I want to show you that not everyone thinks you’re heartless. Some think you are the sweetest, most beautiful girl in the world”

“And who among the people think that, Jack?” She asked with a slightly laugh as he began to gently sway them from side to side, going in circles as well, but slowly.

“I do” he admitted “I think you’re amazing. And you are sweet. You’re kind, you’re funny, you have a mind that puts Ginger’s to shame. And you’re just the prettiest damn girl there ever has been in this world. And I-“ he cut himself of abruptly. The hopeful look in her eyes was too much for him. It made his heart pound in his chest and he would be surprised if she couldn’t hear it.

“You what?” She whispered as she gently ran her thumb over the back of his hand.

He blinked a few times and didn’t answer with words. Instead he leaned down and pressed his lips to her in a soft kiss. Into the kiss he poured every ounce of love he had for her. And she did the same back. Her hand squeezing his as she pushed her lips against his. He pulled his hand and his arm from her and took her face between them instead. Holding her lips against his for as long as possible. Her hands rested on his hips, unsure of where else to put them.

His lips fell from her, but their foreheads pressed together. “I’ve fallen for you” He whispered, stroking his thumbs over her cheeks.

She smiled. It was a faint smile, but it was there. And it was beautiful.

“I’ve fallen for you too, Jack” she said “I’m...I’m sorry about what I said...”

“It was my fault. I should be the one apologising. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said what I did”

“Jack?”

“Yeah darlin’?”

“Kiss me again”

He let out a soft chuckled and brought his lips back down onto hers “anything for you beautiful”

22/01/21

Taglist: @linkpk88 @phoenixhalliwell @lunaserenade @harrys-stan (let me know if you wanted to be added or removed from the list)

[tendermiasma]

i’m not even into overwatch anymore but i just wanted to say I ADORE your art style and hope to develop my own into a similar semi-realism leaning...have you made a post about your art journey? I’m assuming I just need to buckle down and do anatomy studies but any tips are very welcome!! Ty for your time <3

Oh man thank you! I’ve never made a comprehensive post about how I got to *gestures* whatever this point in my art this is, and I definitely sat here wondering what “art journey” means for me since I always feel like I’m stumbling around so I’ll answer as completely as I can. But a great way to develop a realism-minded eye is to draw from photos and life. Everyone in the world has said it over and over but it really gets it done, it’s not any more complicated than that. It’s how I started when I was little and it’s not something I planned, but the Legolas posters were right there so how could I not? Your own non-realism “stylistic” touch will bubble up whether you want it to or not and that’s a beautiful thing. It’s not something you need to look for because it happens on its own, whether it’s you seeing something another artist is doing that you like and assimilating it into your work, or it’s your own unique way that you absorb information from the world and use it to solve problems in the drawing in front of you. Some new artists also still have the idea that using references is cheating-- I’m not blaming them, sometimes this weird thing is circulated by more established people as well-- but this is a very small minority. Please use references. I’d be lost without them. The Castlevania team has a giant collection of references for faces of every character from every angle, props, etc. and I always have a second screen up with 10 different sheets of whoever I’m drawing. Feeding yourself info is essential to getting better. Look at how other artists handle something you’re having a problem with too. If they’re doing a similar pose or something, study their drawing and ask yourself what specifically, extremely technically about that drawing is convincing-- what marks are where, and what is the quality or direction of the strokes? Try it out on your own drawing. If you’re stuck, become aware of if you’re holding on too tightly to what you think something should look like. I have to remind myself this as well. Really try to let go of the idea you have in your head about how something works and simply try instead to draw what you see, even if it feels weird. The results are often pleasantly surprising. 

I have a funny relationship with studies. You seem to be looking at them like a chore and I feel the same way. It’s impossible for me to sit down and just draw something over and over, disconnected from emotion or a larger narrative. I think a wonderful way to “study” is to incorporate those studies into a project that you wanted to do anyway. I’ve used my minicomics to get better at background painting or specific figure poses that I needed for the story but wasn’t sure how to do. I’m a very “oops I need it now better learn TODAY” kind of artist, if that suits you better than buckling down and doing anatomy studies for hours. Both are great ways to improve, but you have options for how to get there. 

In terms of how much time I spend drawing.. well lol it’s a lot. I almost typed “but I don’t do it every day” but yes, my jobs have made sure that I do (I tend to separate personal drawing and job drawing). But the truth is, to get better, a lot of very focused drawing time is important; how much of it is up to you and your schedule. You can sit down for 6 hours and doodle or you can sit down for 3 with an extremely critical eye. It’s about the volume of time as well as focus and I don’t have a clear answer for it, but I can point to one specific year in my life where I made artistic progress like I’ve never seen from myself since. I drew a comic with regular updates during that time and, looking back, the art was not good. But the point was, I was drawing for 7 hours a day after work, at least 5 days a week, and actively looking to draw things that I hadn’t done before or knew that I wasn’t good at, and the result was that every single update was almost like it was drawn by a different person-- readers noticed and commented on the progress as well. It was very much an art bootcamp and I wouldn’t have the skills I do at this point if I hadn’t done it. It’s important that you’re loving what you do if you do it for yourself! That’s how you get through big projects and continue to be excited with where you are. Love is one of the most important motivators and discipline-keepers in art, in my experience. Draw what sets your brain on fire and attack it wholeheartedly even if it’s really weird or niche, not what you think you should be drawing, and you’ll improve a million times faster.

Art journey in terms of what I’ve done with my life (if this is what you meant from the beginning I’M SORRY I’m just trying everything you might have meant) uhhh I haven’t been to art school. I have no idea what my relationship with art would be like now if I’d had any formal training and I don’t really dwell on it. I could either be a testament to being able to get by without it or an example of someone who has no idea what she’s doing at all and lacks many basic foundational art skills. I have an architecture degree. I love architecture, I love the language of space we build for ourselves, and I’m truly, deeply glad for that eye-opening and often grueling experience, but I think my current field is a much better fit. Before animation I worked as a graphic designer mainly drawing storyboards for commercials and internal-industry stuff-- lots and lots of quick colored sketches (one of our main clients was a big glass company and my god I never thought I’d draw so much glass in my life). I was able to do that job due to the skills I developed through personal work. Maybe I’d be a hundred times more powerful if I went to art school! Maybe I’d be completely burned out and bitter and not drawing anymore at all! I just don’t know. I have friends who have had both experiences. Whether you choose art school or not it’s best to keep tabs on if the art you’re currently making brings you joy. Joy and struggle aren’t mutually exclusive. Oftentimes I’m drawing something I care deeply about but it’s VERY FUCKING HARD and I’m frustrated but it’s worth it.

I also do everything while being very scared of the thing. I have a lot of deep-seated anxiety that I’m constantly trying to root out and my brain compulsively twists things around into why I can’t do something, why people secretly know I’m below-par and are just too nice to tell me, how I’m “tricking” people into thinking I’m better than I am, etc. It’s so bad that my first thought when I was initially offered the art test for my current job was to say no; not because I didn’t want it so badly it hurt, but because I thought I’d be too much of a disappointment.  After completing the test I spent an hour figuring out the most gracious way to apologize for not being enough. It’s common, but not something to accept and we’re all working on it. I just thought it was important to mention because art is also a mental journey and forces you to do all this navel-gazey shit in order to advance, and feeling like you are Not Enough is rife in the creative community. The work feels entangled with my value as a person because art is a massive part of my life. Something I’m learning is that I don’t have to be confident or sure of myself all the time. This ensures that the process is usually painful and frightening. Often there’s no way to make it less painful or frightening, and I just have to hold my breath and do it. An oddly comforting thing to me the past couple years is to remind myself that the scary thing I’m about to do won’t be the scariest thing I’ll ever do. I implies both that this isn’t the pinnacle of my progress and also that I will inevitably get over it. If you continue with art you’re going to run into things like this and I guess if it was me it would’ve been helpful to know I’m not alone in it.

I hope that maybe answered some of your questions, maybe? If you have some specific questions feel free and I’ll try my best. Hope you have a good day/night!

[storiesforallfandoms]

secrets ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2467

request?: yes

“Colson & reader are dating in secret & one day at a party, she sees him dancing with a few girls. She approaches them & asks Colson what time he wants them to head home & he acts like he doesn’t know her and basically treats her like a groupie. She storms off & he immediately feels guilty, chasing her but by the time he gets out the door she’s gone. She turns her phone off for the night & when she turns it back in the next morning, she sees that Colson has announced their relationship publicly!”

description: in which he takes pretending not to be dating her too far and risks their relationship

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst

masterlist

I never had a problem with keeping mine and Colson’s relationship a secret. I understood the concerns he had with how his fans would react and what kind of messages I might start receiving from them. I had seen the harassing messages his fans had sent his rumored girlfriends, I couldn’t imagine how they’d react when they got a confirmation that he really was in a relationship.

However, I did have a problem with groupies still trying to flirt with him due to them know knowing that he was taken.

Even though we weren’t public about our relationship, Colson still took me to parties or to clubs with him, we just acted more friendly than romantic in public. Going to these parties and the clubs gave me a front row seat to see how girls reacted when he was around. It was always some girl wearing a dress so short and so low cut that she may as well be wearing nothing at all, wearing dark makeup and bright red lipstick to bring everyone’s attention to her lips, and she’d already be half shitfaced and ready to fuck the first thing that moved, in this case Colson, mainly because he was famous.

Most of the time, Colson would turn them down, no matter how hard they pleaded with him. He’d always say he wasn’t into random hookups, which everyone thought was untrue since he had been all about hookups in the early years of his career, but sometimes it was enough to get the girls off of him.

That is, until Dom’s party.

Dom, aka Yungblud, decided to throw a party just because. There was no reasoning for it, he just wanted to get his friends together and have a good time. Colson went, of course because he and Dom were best friends, and invited me to go with him, which I did. Shortly after we arrived at the party, I lost track of Colson. I wasn’t too concerned, I trusted him to not do anything stupid. However, being at a party where the only people I knew were the host and my boyfriend made me a little awkward, so I wished he were still by my side.

“(Y/N)!” I heard a familiar British accent exclaim and I almost sighed with relief when I saw Dom’s smiling face come into view.

He pushed through the crowd of people in front of him and came to stand next to me, throwing his arm around my shoulder. “Hello love, you enjoying yourself?”

“Enjoying myself enough,” I responded with a shrug. “I lost Colson so I’m a little awkward.”

“Oh! I saw him not too long ago,” Dom said. He pointed in the direction of the large crowd ahead of us. “He was over there somewhere talking to someone.”

“Very helpful Dom,” I teased. “But thanks, I’ll try looking for him again.”

“If you can’t find him, I’ll be around to keep you company.”

I smiled and thanked him again before going on another search for Colson. I awkwardly pushed my way through the crowd of people, apologizing when anyone shot me a dirty look, in an attempt to find him. When I finally came to another clearing, I found Colson, but was horrified to see that he wasn’t alone. He was dancing with two girls, and by dancing I mean they were so close to basically just dry humping.

I wasn’t sure what to do or what to say. I wasn’t sure if it was just supposed to be harmless dancing and the girls were getting too close, or if they had been close the whole time. All I knew was that I was not enjoying what I was seeing, and I was certainly not going to let it keep happening.

I approached the group and called Colson’s name over the music. At first, he didn’t respond. I thought it was because he couldn’t hear me, so I called again, which drew the attention of the girls he was talking to, but not him.

“Um, Kells,” one said, “I think this...girl wants to speak to you.”

They both looked at me with so much disdain, as if I was the dirt they walked on. In that moment, I wished I could just melt into the floor and stop existing.

Colson turned to look at me, but for a moment it looked as though he didn’t recognize me. I pulled my attention away from the girls and tried to sound confident. “I’m...I’m not feeling the best. Can you take me home?”

The girls turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow. I could see they were prepared to walk away from him at the prospect of him being there with another girl, which made me appreciate them just a little more.

But when Colson responded, I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

“Do I know you?”

Both girls looked at me with glares, easily believing that I was some random girl that was trying to go home with Colson, which is exactly what they were.

“You’re not funny,” I told him. “I’m serious, I’m not feeling great. If you’ve had a few to drink I can drive us, I just want to go home.”

“Listen honey, I don’t go home with just anyone,” Colson responded. “I’m not into groupies. Go try with someone else, I heard the host of the party is pretty famous too.”

I felt my heart shatter as the girls around him laughed. I felt a lump forming in my throat, but quickly turned before any of them could see me cry. I pushed through the crowd again, this time less apologetically, until I found the front door. The minute I opened it, the brisk night air hit me, and I began to cry. I sat down on the front steps and sobbed by myself.

How could he do this to me? We had been together for nearly two years, he had always seemed so committed to our relationship and he always treated me like a queen. Was all of that an act? Was he just trying to get something out of the normal girl that he met one day nearly two years ago?

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong?”

I looked up to see Dom at the door, looking down at me with concern. I didn’t want to relive what had just happened, so I meekly asked him, “Can you call me a taxi? I don’t want to stay here anymore.”

He didn’t question why I had asked him to call a taxi instead of getting Colson. He just nodded and went back into the house. I stood and began to walk down his driveway until I got to the end to wait for the cab. Part of me wanted to go back inside and give Colson a piece of my mind, or to text him and tell him we were over, but the other part of me wasn’t ready to give up this relationship, even if it was officially hard to trust him.

Not too long after, a cab pulled up in front of Dom’s house. Before getting in, I looked over my shoulder at the house where my boyfriend was undoubtedly still grinding up against two bimbos and acting as though I didn’t exist. I sighed, trying to contain more tears from falling, before getting into the cab.

We were a short distance from my apartment when my phone began to ring. I looked down to see Colson’s name and picture lighting up my phone. I ignored the call and shoved my phone under my leg. Seconds later, it began to ring again. Yet again, it was Colson.

I repeated the process of ignoring his calls about four times before I stopped receiving the calls, but then he started to text me.

“(Y/N)? where are you? Dom says you asked him to call you a cab”

“please answer my calls baby”

“i’m so sorry. what i did was wrong. i have no explanation other than i’m a complete idiot”

“i’m sorry”

“please let me know you’re okay”

“i love you”

After some time, I had to turn my phone off. Reading his messages sickened me. He didn’t care about me, he didn’t love me, he wasn’t sorry. He was sorry he got caught. It all made sense now why he didn’t want to be public with our relationship, he wanted to hook up with groupies when I wasn’t around.

“Someone’s popular,” the taxi driver commented as I shut off my phone.

I shook my head. “It’s just one very persistent person.”

“Whoever it is must really want to get in touch with you.”

I shoved my phone in my pocket and looked up at my driver through the mirror. “Yeah, but I don’t want to get in touch with him.”

~~~~~~

Surprisingly, it wasn’t hard to sleep that night. I figured I’d be up all night crying, or being angry, or both. I thought I’d cave and turn on my phone again to respond to Colson, but to combat that I left my phone in a cupboard in the kitchen so I couldn’t easily access it.

Luckily, it didn’t take too long for me to get to sleep once I returned home. I put my head down on my pillow and in seconds flat I was out like a light. It was a better sleep than I was expecting, but I still woke up feeling exhausted, emotionally.

Instinctively, I reached for my bedside table to grab my phone. I was confused to find it wasn’t there before remembering I had left it in the kitchen. I groaned, not wanting to get out of bed, but finally managed to pull myself up long enough to trudge to the kitchen for my phone and return to bed.

Upon turning it on, I found I had more notifications than I would’ve ever expected. Some of them were texts from Colson, still apologizing and trying to reach me, some were texts from Dom asking if I was okay and saying that if I needed him to give him a call. But a majority of the notifications were from Twitter and Instagram, and they were all from accounts that I didn’t recognize, but they all had one thing in common; they were Machine Gun Kelly fan accounts.

I was confused on why I was being flooded with notifications until I saw one from Instagram saying that Colson had tagged me in a post. When I opened the app, I came to find that he has posted multiple pictures of the two of us that he had on his phone, along with a long caption.

“I have something that I have to admit to you all. I’m sorry I’ve kept this a secret for so long, but the secrets have resulted in me hurting someone I love very much, and I want to make this right somehow. Everyone, meet (Y/N), she’s my girlfriend and has been for the past almost two years. She’s not famous, which is part of the reason I wanted to keep her a secret. The last thing I wanted was for her life to change so drastically because she’s dating me. I don’t want her to be hounded by fans or paparazzi while she’s trying to live her day to day life, but we both know that’s one of the risks of dating a celebrity. The other reason I didn’t want to come out about this publicly is because I was afraid of the messages she’d receive from my fans. I’m not completely ignorant to the messages that my female friends have received after dating rumors have started, and I knew that these messages would intensify when I actually confirmed that (Y/N) and I are dating, but I also know that that is something neither one of us can stop. I am asking anyone reading this, that if you are my real fan, please do not send harassing messages to (Y/N). I love her, and because of that you should too. Anyone who does send messages will be blocked by both of us. I won’t go into details about how I hurt her, but I will say that I did something incredibly stupid and broke her heart. This is my attempt at an apology, and I hope that, if she reads it, she will accept it. (Y/N), if you’re reading this, I’m so sorry. I love you more than anything in this world and that will never change. I hope you can forgive me for what I did.”

My eyes were filling with tears yet again. As I went to scroll and read the comments, I accidentally liked the post. Near seconds later, my phone began to ring, Colson’s picture filling my screen. This time, I answered.

“Hello?”

“(Y/N), baby, I’m so sorry,” he said immediately. “I was a complete idiot, I’m so sorry for what I did."

“I know you’re sorry,” I told him. “But I just...I have to know why you did it. Why did you pretend I was a groupie in front of those girls?”

“I have no explanation other than I was drunk,” he responded. “Which I know isn’t a good explanation, but it’s the truth. I was drinking a little too much a little too fast, and these girls approached me and asked me to dance, so I said yes, with no intentions of it being more than an innocent dance. But then I started to feel more drunk, and they started to get closer to me, and I just...I just wanted to dance with these pretty girls. I was so drunk, I could barley fathom that you were the one that came asking to go home. I didn’t realize until Dom came over and told me that he had called a cab for you, and by then you were already gone. I fucked up royally, (Y/N), can you forgive me?”

I sighed. “I can forgive you, but I hope you know you have to build back up my trust in you. You can’t just post a super sappy Instagram post announcing our relationship and apologize and everything goes back to normal.”

“I know that. I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me, and how sorry I am for everything.”

“Stop saying sorry, it doesn’t sound like a word anymore,” I teased. “I’m still in bed, do you wanna come over for snuggles?”

“More than anything. I’ll pick up some breakfast on the way over.”

I smiled. “Now you’re speaking my language Baker.”

I heard him chuckle and couldn’t help but laugh as well. “I’ll see you soon baby. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[90spumkin]

A Case of the Supernatural

Next

Summary: Can Spencer move past your death? What happens when he starts to see your ghost?

A/N: Not me starting another series when I haven’t finished the first. This is a crossover between Criminal Minds and Supernatural. I wrote this mainly because I am denial that either show ended. This will be a slow updated series because of finals next week and it took me four days to write this because I want it to be perfect. I hope you all enjoy and please leave your thoughts in the comments. Don’t forget to like and reblog! Also thanks @criminalmindzjunkie for the banner inspiration!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Ghost! Reader

Warnings: criminal minds talk, supernatural talk, swearing, some angst... I think that’s it

Word Count: 3028

Numb. That is all Spencer felt as they lowered your casket into the ground. With every shovel of dirt tossed into the whole in the ground was like stab to his heart. He accepted every pat on the shoulder and heard every ‘I’m sorry for your loss’, but he couldn’t feel any of it.

You were never going to be a mom, you were never going to have the chance to finish all those crazy art projects that scattered your shared apartment, and you were never going to hear Spencer tell you how much he loves you ever again. Hot tears stung his eyes and began to run down his cheeks.

“Reid it’s time to go.” JJ’s voice brought him out of the spiral his mind had started to descend into. He looked around and realized everyone was gone and your final resting place was now filled with compacted earth. He nodded in agreement but could not seem to move his feet.

You were really gone, and Spencer blamed himself.

-----

The BAU team was taking the loss of a valued team member and a precious friend extremely hard so Emily gave everyone a few days off to mourn. Spencer was a different case; it had been almost three weeks since your funeral and he had yet to leave the apartment.

He looked around at all the carry out containers and laughed to himself as he imagined what you would say: Spencer you’re living like a damn cockroach. At least you’re cute.

Spencer began to clean the three weeks’ worth of mess when he saw the bag containing your items from the coroner. He had been wallowing in mourning and self-pity that he completely forgot JJ had dropped it off.

Spencer disposed of the trash and sat down at on at the bar in the kitchen. The bag laid in front of him and all he could do was stare down at it. He took a deep breath: Okay Spencer you can do this.

Spencer slowly opened the bag taking deep breaths as he did so. He pulled out your phone, your set of keys, your… Spencer’s breath caught in his throat. In his hand on a silver chain was the engagement ring he had given to you three months ago. He smiled at the memory of you explaining why you wore it on a chain to work. You simply shrugged your shoulders I don’t want to lose it while chasing down psychopaths. Plus, this way it’s closer to my heart. You kissed him on the cheek ending the discussion there.

He placed a hand on his cheek while he wished he could feel the softness of your lips one more time. Spencer took a ragged breath and clasped the chain around his nick. He smiled at the thought of having something that was once close to your heart now close to his.

The good doctor decided then that he should probably put your things away and get some rest before his first day back at the BAU. As he was going through the apartment turning out lights, that he had not realized he had even left on, Spencer could have sworn he saw someone walked into the hall.

Spencer grabbed a knife from the kitchen counter and crept towards the hall. With his back pressed against the wall, he turned the corner quickly ready to take down the intruder. But what Spencer was faced with was nothing but his empty hallway. Spencer ran a hand through his hair and thought to himself: Well genius you are officially losing your mind.

He made his way into his bedroom and laid the kitchen knife on his dresser deciding he’ll just put it away in the morning. He walked to his window admiring the lights from the height of his apartment when he heard a laugh. He spun around so quickly he was sure he’d give himself whiplash.

There you were. You looked exactly the same as the last time he saw you, the moment you both decided to split up out in the field. Spencer was in absolute shock.

“I honestly doubt the knife would have worked. I am kind of already dead. It would’ve been funny to see what happened though.” Y/n joked as though this was all completely normal.

Spencer just screamed. Once he ran out of breath and gasped. There was stomping from the apartment above and very unpolite things directed towards Spencer. But he could care less, you were here. You were… a ghost?

Y/n looked bored and asked, “Are you done?” Spencer didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded. “Good because I was expected a little more class from you Mr. 187.”

Spencer tripped over his words as he tried to run every logical explanation through his mind, “How the actual hell are you here? Am I dead? I’ve lost my mind, haven’t I?” Spencer began to pace the floor, running his hands through his hair.

“I think the term is ghost and no you are still perfectly sane. For the ‘how am I here part’ I am not quite sure. I can’t remember anything past the last 5 minutes.” Y/n shrugged her shoulders at that.

Spencer’s mind seemed to stop trying to apply logic to the situation and just except it. Because he began to relax, and tears brimmed his eyes. “Y/n I’ve missed you so much. I am so sorry. I should never have left you. If I would have stayed with you then maybe you’d still be alive.” Spencer choked on a sob which caused y/n’s no longer beating heart to break.

“Oh Reid. My death was not your fault at all.” She reached out a hand to caress his face, but it was like putting your hand through water. Her whole body glitched as if she was part of a malfunctioning video game.

“What was that? What’s happening?” Spencer’s face was pinched in confusion and worry.

Y/n seemed almost frantic, “I’m not sure. I feel like I’m being pulled away.” And with a blink of an eye she was gone. It all happened so quickly Spencer could almost say it was a dream, but it had been so real. Had felt so real.

-------

To say Spencer was tired was an understatement. He could barely sleep with the hope you would appear going through his heart and mind. It was around 4 am when exhaustion won, and he fell asleep gripping the ring that lay against his chest.

He was on is fourth cup of coffee for the day and he had only been there for one hour fifteen minutes and thirty-six seconds to be precise. He was stirring his mountain of sugar into the dark liquid when he felt a heavy hand clasp his shoulder and the smell of expensive cologne filled his nose.

“Kid you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Rossi told the young doctor as he leaned against the counter. Spencer snorted at that comment and just took a sip of his coffee, accepting the burn in his throat.

Before Spencer could even attempt to continue a conversation there was a loud gasp and the clicking of heels as his favorite human rainbow rushed towards him. He was instantly pulled into a bone crushing hug and it took every ounce of the little coordination he had not to spill his coffee all over his friend.

“Hi Penelope.” He simply said with a chuckle at the woman’s urge to always show her love in the most dramatic way.

She pulled away and started on one of her fast-spoken rants, “Oh my God you’re here! I missed you! I know I just saw you a couple of days ago when I visited your apartment, but this is different. Why didn’t anyone tell me you were coming back today? I should know these things!” Penelope slapped Spencer’s arm at that last part which drew an ‘ow’ from him and a light chuckle from Rossi who was watching the whole interaction.

“I’m sorry Penelope. When I got here, I went straight to Emily’s office and then dove into the paperwork required for my return.” Spencer explained.

Penelope smiled and let out a little huff, “Oh the love of paperwork. I will let this slide boy wonder, but it will not be forgotten.” Penelope gave Spencer’s arm a squeeze before making her way to her bat cave.

Spencer turned to Rossi, “I honestly expected that to be kind of worse.”

Rossi chuckled, “Luck my friend, luck.”

Spencer was about to launch into a rant about the statistics of how much of something good happening has anything to do with luck. That was stopped short when Spencer saw you perched on his desk like you use to do every morning waiting for him to bring you a cup of coffee. He gasped which wasn’t missed by the profiler who had been keeping an eye on him since he walked through those glass doors.

“Kid you alright?” Rossi asked with his voice laced with confusion.

Spencer didn’t take his eyes off you or the spot you had been when you glitched and disappeared just like the night before. “Huh? Oh. Uhh... yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be right back.”

Spencer sat his half drunken coffee down and walked as fast as he could towards the bathroom hoping not to draw any attention towards him.

Once he was safely in the bathroom and the door was locked behind him. He stood in front of the mirror and took a deep breath.

“Well that was interesting.” Spencer jumped and whirled around to only be met with an empty bathroom. He turned to splash water on his face and when he looked up again, and saw you behind him through the mirror.

H returned to look at you and whispered, “What the actual hell y/n? Where have you been?”

“I’m not quite sure. There were times I could see you, but you couldn’t see me which was very aggravating may I add. The rest is just blank.” Y/n seemed very unphased by everything as she spoke. This made Spencer feel uneasy.

“Why couldn’t anyone else in the bullpen see you?” Spencer’s brain was still trying to put science behind it all.

“I’m not quite sure. I don’t exactly have this whole ghost thing figured out. Being a ghost is hard.” Y/n pouted, and it made Spencer’s heart twist into a what felt like a knot.

“I- “Spencer was cut off by a knock on the door. When he looked back at y/n she was once again gone, and Spencer had an overwhelming need to try and understand a part of the world his brain rejected every day. He needed to understand the supernatural.

------

Spencer had been to three different libraries and five different bookstores, all within a week. He would read any chance he got. The concerned looks he got from his team didn’t go unnoticed, and any time y/n would appear she would let her opinion be known that she believed no one could really understand the supernatural of the world.

Emily pulled up a seat next to his desk causing Spencer to glance up from his book that was only repeating what the last three books had said but in a different language. The look Emily was giving him convinced him it would be a good idea to put the book down. So, he closed the book and placed it on his desk, giving Emily his full attention.

“Spencer what has came over you? You’ve been nose deep in this folk lore and demonic looking books for days now. It’s just unlike you.” Emily’s voice was soft, and Spencer could hear the worry in her voice.

Spencer thought of a lie when he first started digging into all this for this exact reason, “I’m writing a paper on how science and physics can prove that the supernatural does not exist. I’m reading all of this so I don’t miss anything in my paper”

That simple explanation made the tension in Emily’s shoulders completely disappear. She huffed a sigh of relief before saying, “               Ahhhh I see. Well Rossi invited us all to dinner at his place. He’s going to attempt to show us all a new recipe.” This mad both Emily and Spencer giggle.

Spencer knew if he turned down the offer it would only cause suspicion to arise once again. “Yeah sure I’ll be there.”

Emily smiled and patted his shoulder as she stood, “Great I’ll see you there.”

Spencer hadn’t realized it was the end of the workday till Emily said that. He hadn’t seen y/n all day so maybe he could get through this dinner with little to no awkwardness… well more than usual.

He was the last to arrive at Rossi’s. He sat in his car and took a deep breath. He had to convince his team that nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Just when he was about to get out of his car all the lights came on and the alarm started blaring.

“What the he- “Spencer was cut off by the appearance of y/n in his passenger seat. She looked so sad and before Spencer could say anything else, he heard her say a quiet “sorry” and she was gone. The alarm and the lights stopped all at once, just in time for his team to come out to see what all the commotion was about.

Spencer got out of the car and quickly made his way to them, “Sorry about that. I really hate cars.”

This made his friends laugh and usher him inside. Once they were all in the kitchen surrounding Rossi and all his steaming pots and pans Spencer relaxed slightly.

Rossi tends to talk with his hands when he is demonstrating what to do while cooking. So, when he accidentally knocks over the saltshaker it’s not a surprise to anyone.

“Ah don’t want any bad luck.” Rossi says as he tosses some salt over his left shoulder. Spencer was about to launch into a spill of how salt was once believed to ward off evil spirits, but he didn’t get the chance. He was caught off by the appearance of y/n and her yelling, “What the actual fuck Rossi!” The salt seemed to arm y/n, but Spencer wasn’t able to dwell on that fact long due to the chorus of gasp throughout the kitchen. Luke was the first to speak, “Y/n? Is that really you?”

“In the fl-… well spirit?” Y/n laughed at her joke; she was the only one. Everyone just stood there staring until Rossi yelled “My pasta!” and rushed to save their dinner.

Everyone turned to Spencer, they all started talking over each other. He could make out a few questions and a few other statement. They all came to the same realization though: Spencer was definitely was not writing a paper.

It took Spencer ten minutes to get everyone quiet enough to even attempt to talk and then fifteen minutes to explain everything while they all stared at y/n dumb founded. Y/n just stood there smiling the whole time Spencer talked.

“So, what does this mean exactly?” JJ asked tears in her eyes and a sad smile playing on her lips. Your death hit her hard, not as hard as Spencer or Penelope but still hard. He saw you move closer to her but stop knowing that you wouldn’t be able to show her any physical comfort.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” Is all Spencer was able to say.

-----

It took a few weeks for the initial shock of y/n being a ghost to ware off. Spencer would sometimes see members of his team jump at the sudden appearance of her. It was hard for them not to talk to her while in the office. Especially since she seemed to finally have gotten better at the ‘whole ghost thing’.

Spencer was nose deep in another book on folk lore when y/n appeared sitting on his desk. He looked around to make sure no one was paying him any attention.

“Hello love. Who’ve you been haunting today?” They always joked and laughed about how easy it was for her to scare Luke. Spencer was pretty sure JJ, Emily, and Tara had a bet going on about it.

Y/n didn’t laugh though instead she looked more ghost like then ever and said, “Spence, somethings wrong.” Then she was gone.

About that same time two men walked in the bull pen. He saw them ask Matt something and then made their way to Emily’s office.

Spencer watched through the window as Emily and the two men talked for a few minutes and then shook hands. She led them back out to the bull pen to introduce them to everyone.

“Everyone this is Agent Smith and Agent Jones from the New York branch. They have asked for our assistance on a case that has brought them here.” Emily explained.

The shorter gruff man spoke first, “You all can call me Dean and him Sam.” The taller one gave a tight-lipped smile and a wave that matched Spencer’s own very similarly.

“It’s an honor to work with you all.” The taller one, Sam, said.

After a few more greetings and polite conversations they all started to make their way to the round table room for debriefing. Spencer was just about to get up from his desk when words started to appear across the paper scattered on his desk: ‘They’re not FBI.”

Spencer looked up to see the two new agents whispering quietly. They noticed him staring and gave him a nod and smile. Spencer had an unsettling feeling in his stomach as he made his way towards them.

He debated between bombarding them with questions till they broke or just watching them knowing their behavior would tell eventually. He decided on the later because he knows he’ll do anything to make sure he can keep y/n around and if these two men were a threat to that then they wouldn’t be able to conceal that truth for long.

*

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Taglist: @criminalmindzjunkie​ @brooklynxnicole​ @hendersonsshadow​ 

[ververa]

“Everyone Finds True Love Or At Least A Dancing Partner” part 2

Part 1

A/N: Thank you for all the comments and reblogs!! Your kind words motivate me to keep writing and make me really really happy. So, please don’t stop <3

Sorry if this is boring or bad. I didn’t rewrite this part - this is the first and the only version of it that I have. But I decided to post it without making corrections or any changes, mainly because I feel kind of guilty for taking so long finishing my works. Hopefully it’ll do. 

Also this whole story is going to be longer than I’ve initially planned, but I regret nothing. 

@misssmephisto​ once again THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping me with everything!!! <3 

Hope you enjoy it!!

Cordelia Goode x fem!reader

Word count: ~4,000

Cordelia might not have realized how loud her thoughts were. But you did. For you they were as loud and clear as if someone had been whispering into your ear. As a matter of fact, you were sure Elliot was talking to you, though you obviously were wrong. Much to your dismay it was Cordelia’s mind that you heard. You tried hard to make it stop, to get the control over it and somehow shut it off. But nothing worked.

It was disturbing and made it hard for you to follow the music. If it hadn’t been for years of practice and the proficiency  you acquired, you most likely wouldn’t be able to keep dancing. It was hard to finish the performance and Elliot could tell you were struggling for some unknown to him reason. Yet you managed to do it. You managed despite your mind being derailed by the other woman’s alcohol intoxicated subconsciousness. 

It made you confused. You were a witch, of course, and it shouldn’t surprise you. Though it had been years since you had used your powers to the fullest. You had almost completely stopped using them and you were quite content living without them. You didn’t necessarily appreciate the fact of you being a witch. Of course, it wasn’t the end of the world and you would be lying if you said that they weren’t useful at times. Yet still, you wished to be just like everyone else and not have any supernatural powers. You wished there was some cure, but you were aware there was none. Whether you liked it or not, you had to withstand it. And so you kept pulling through no matter what, except you had never even considered meeting the Supreme, the most powerful of all witches and you definitely hadn’t thought of what it could do to you.

But there you were - at work, in the middle of the performance, struggling with figuring out what was actually going on and what was the reason for the sudden awakening of your gift. You tried to act as natural as possible, while you were discreetly looking for the person whose thoughts kept flooding your already crowded mind.

You scanned the room and finally spotted her - the stunning blonde stuck in the crowd with one of very few people you actually despised. If you were being honest Adam’s company was the only thing you didn’t like about her. He just didn’t match with her. She was the embodiment of elegance. A walking poem, a perfect beauty. Her skin was flawless and pale. So pale that against the light it seemed as white as porcelain. And there was that glow. As if all the magic was floating around her enclosing her in some kind of halo. You had never seen anything like that in your whole life. Probably no one had, it appeared to be just you - the privilege of being a witch, one would say. And maybe this one time, you would be willing to compromise with them and admit it was a positive trait.

You didn’t know her at all, but one look was enough for you to be able to tell she wasn’t like the others. If you’d have to compare her to anything, you would definitely compare her to a butterfly. She was like one of those rare butterfly species. Surrounded by all those rich and second-rated people, she truly seemed flawless. A butterfly among moths.

But even though your eyes were blessed, your mind was still burning. All her thoughts added to your worries and problems were like a lethal mixture. It was a lot to take, yet still something was dragging you to her. You kept watching her out of the corner of your eye, wondering why she had such a strong impact on you.

You didn’t mean to interfere or do anything about the whole mind reading situation - hoping it would solve itself, praying for it to stop and for your powers to subside again, so that you could come back to your normal life. Though you couldn’t just watch Adam trying to walk away with her. For some odd reason you felt incredibly protective of the woman. Was it the unexpected access to her mind that made you feel obliged to help her? Or maybe the fact that you knew Adam well enough to know what he was capable of? You didn’t know. It was an instinct.

You escorted her to her room. You made sure she was safe. And that was it. You didn’t plan on meeting her ever again - for your own good.

She was absolutely perfect and adorable and funny, especially in her drunk state. But meeting her was overwhelming for your mind. Your powers were all over the place. You thought that maybe it was just her presence. Though ever since your meeting you were unable to make it all stop, you couldn’t shut your powers off no matter how hard you tried. Whatever she did to you wasn’t fixable. Apparently, she was a gasoline to your fire. And as much as you wanted to, as tried as you might have - it was impossible to ignore it. It was impossible to just like that ignore and forget the fucking Supreme Cordelia Goode.

 _

Cordelia with no doubt was a master of organizing things. Order and neatness - the governing principles, were supposed to bring nothing, but peace and quiet. And she never went against her principles. Not until that one evening. Not until all those drinks she had. 

It was truly incredible she didn’t have a hangover. In fact, the only malfunction her disheveled self could register in the morning was that... she didn’t remember.

Cordelia put her hand on her head and closed her eyes trying to focus, trying to recall the events of the previous night. But everything was so blurry and confusing. She couldn’t say what was for real and what was just a dream. It felt as if half of her mind faded to oblivion.

Cordelia liked things to be crystal clear, but at that very moment it wasn’t even close to comprehensible. Nothing made sense as her mind was full of incoherent images. She was a mess and it caused her a lot of distress. She knew very well that she was far from innocent and flawless, but for God’s sake it was only the beginning of her stay there and somehow she already made it even harder and more complicated.

She really tried to remember, but no matter how deep inside her subconscious mind she thought she managed to reach - the only things she could recall was sitting at the bar and dancing with Adam. And that was the kind of stuff she wished she could forget.

The thought of his hands wandering on her body made her sick. She wanted to rub it all out, but she knew there was more than that. Something more had happened the previous night and she could feel it. She found herself longing for something she didn’t even remember. But she knew it wasn’t just her mind deceiving her. It was real and she was desperate to find out what it was.

Cordelia kept thinking of all the options she had. She was getting ready for another day, which - she already knew, was going to be hard. She started with cleaning, collecting her clothes, when suddenly a vivid vision, of a man with a beard carrying her, hit her. It lasted only a few seconds, but made her remember, not everything, but definitely the presence of someone that affected her. She looked down at the material in her hands - her dress. She smelled it and a distinct scent of cigarettes mixed with female perfume overtook her for a moment.

You were there with her - she established. Yet the memory of you was more like a wind. She couldn't see it, but still felt it. And her intuition was telling her that you were closer than she thought.

Cordelia made up her mind rather quickly - she was going to find you and figure everything out. Considering how her powers worked with the dress, she decided to use them around the hotel, hoping they would help her find the answers she needed. Though it wasn’t all that simple. She spent a few hours wandering around the hotel and nothing happened. Well, except for people looking at her as if there was something terribly wrong with her. Yet she wasn’t going to give up. There was still one place left - the restaurant.

Cordelia wasn’t happy going there. She really didn’t feel like meeting Adam again, but that was the only option left. She walked to the bar. The place full of people, was now empty. Cordelia sighed with relief. She was about to touch the counter, when a male voice drew her attention.

“They’re still closed” he stated

“Excuse me?” Cordelie turned to face him and almost immediately recognized him - the man with the beard “It’s you!” she exclaimed standing up

“Me?” he asked confused 

“You carried me to my room yesterday”

“Ooooh. Yeah, I did. I mean I carried you to the hotel and Y/N took you to your room” he shrugged

“Y/N…” Cordelia repeated after him “And where is she now?”

“Look, don’t get me wrong… but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to tell you. You caused her enough problems. You know, you did that thing to her head…”

Instead of answers she needed, there were only more and more questions. What problems? What thing…?

“Wait. I hurt her?” Cordelia asked already worried

“No! I mean not physically… I don’t know. You’re a witch, you should know such things…”

“That… That makes no sense”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help you, but I really can’t, Miss Goode”

Cordelia just nodded, making her way back to the hotel. She was frustrated even more than before. She was so close, yet so far. 

She could use her powers to make him do whatever she wanted - just like Fiona had done. But was she really able to do it? Could she use her powers in such a way? She was nothing like Fiona. She was nothing like any of the previous Supremes. Or maybe she was? Cordelia still didn’t know it. That was something she still hadn’t figured out. Where were the limits? What were her limits? And were there any limits at all? Any boundaries or certain rules? Any guidelines she was supposed to follow? You either were or weren’t the Supreme - that was a fact. And as the Supreme you were supposed to take care of the Coven and protect the witches. That was it. All that she knew. But there was no one to tell her if she was doing all of it the right way.

 “Miss Goode!” Gerald’s voice brought her back to earth “Are you enjoying your time?”

“Yes” she lied offering him a small smile

“I’m glad. If you need anything, you know where I am. Just ask and I’d be more than happy to help”

“Actually, there’s something…”

“Yes?”

“Yesterday, there was the performance at the restaurant. There was a couple dancing there”

“Yes. Y/N and Elliot. And what’s with them?”

“Well, I want to know where I can find Y/N”

“Ahhh, Y/N. Our sweet Y/N” he chuckled sitting down next to Cordelia “I know her since she was a little kid. I watched her growing up. Her grandma - Helen. She’s absolutely amazing. She brought Y/N and her brother up and taught them how to dance. She used to be a dancer herself. And let me tell you, when she was dancing… watching her was a pure bliss”

Cordelia couldn’t help the smile on her face. Listening to Gerald was probably the nicest thing that happened to her that day.

“She’s gifted”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s like you…”

“You mean she’s a witch?”

Gerald nodded.

“And where is she now?”

“She died a few years ago and ever since then things seem to keep falling apart, especially for Y/N. Now she’s the one who takes care of everything and everyone. She’s our star. People come here just to watch her…”

You seemed so mysterious and Cordelia kind of liked it. You were a mystery woman, almost like a phantom. Her own enigma. 

“And to think she almost became one of the Castle’s. Ahh, memories… Anyway, what were you asking about?” Gerald’s voice brought her back to earth

“I… I was asking where I can find her”

“Oh, she should be in her studio. I can ask Adam to take you there”

“No, no, no” Cordelia protested, repulsed by the idea “I’ll find her on my own, but thank you”

“Whatever you need, Miss Goode”

-

Cordelia managed to find the studio quicker than she thought she would, but she didn’t enter. She stood in front of the building suddenly engulfed by uncertainty. Why was she even doing it? Why did she want to meet you? Maybe she didn’t really want to know what happened? If only she knew what was that something dragging her to you, maybe then she could just walk away. But she didn’t. She didn’t know what it was and so she didn’t walk away.

She could hear a music coming from inside and noticed a slightly ajared window. Taking a look wasn’t a crime, right? She thought to herself coming closer. Peeking seemed to be just slightly inappropriate and maybe a bit disturbing. But only a bit. Just one look - it wasn’t that much. It wasn’t any invasion of privacy. It wasn’t illegal either. It was just Cordelia’s inner curiosity, that you awaken. Whether it was reasonable or not, Cordelia was standing there, unable to walk away.

There you were - laying on the floor with a cold pack on your head. 

“Uhhh. Shut the fuck up!” you growled standing up

Cordelia watched your every move. You slowly came to the stereo and turned the volume up. You closed your eyes taking a deep breath. It seemed to be your way of tuning into the music, because soon you began moving to the beat. Cordelia watched you dancing again, though this time she was sober and you were there alone. You looked tired. You were a bit sweaty, your top was sticking to your body and a few strands of your a bit damp hair were sticking to your face. But despite it you were still dancing.

Cordelia felt like she could watch you like that for a whole day. Only then Gerald’s words hit her for real. He was talking about your grandma, but apparently it was something that run in your family - watching you was a pure bliss. 

Watching you swaying with your hands above your head - one could think that dancing wasn’t hard at all. You made it seem so easy. And she was entranced. It felt as if her mind was spiraling. Sinking in the temptation to know you, to feel you, to touch you.

Cordelia wished she could stay there just to admire, but more and more people started appearing - as their course with you was about to start. And so the Supreme made her way back to her room. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice Elliot. Cordelia bumped into him and was forced to come back to not so delightful reality.

“You really want to meet her, huh?”

Cordelia nodded looking at him. And if Eliot did pay attention he would probably notice a little blush on her cheeks.

“You’re quite stubborn, but that’s good. It’s not easy to get to her”

“Any advices?”

“Don’t disturb her while she’s working and if you want to keep her, you better know how to dance”

“Okay. I’ll keep that in mind. So, when does she usually end work?”

“That’s a good question. Listen, we’re having dinner tonight… Y/N will be there, so you can come and talk to her if it’s really that important to you”

“Thank you”

“Oh no no. Don’t thank me and forget this conversation happened. She’d kill me”

“Then… why are you doing this?”

“Do I know? You just seem nice and already have that effect on her. Who knows maybe you’re the one”

-

Cordelia couldn’t help the smile that remained on her face for the rest of the day. She was filled with the kind of excitement she hadn’t felt for a long time and she couldn’t say why she felt that way. She didn’t know you and yet she was longing for you. Longing for that power you were supplying. The kind of magic she couldn’t even name. All that she knew was that you made her recall the thing that was gone from her. She was moved. Moved in the ways she had never been before. It felt funny, but it would be a lie if she said she didn’t like that feeling, that thrill. It was divine.

She didn’t know what to expect and if she even could expect anything. But despite it she made sure she looked presentable. She definitely failed to make a good first impression, she did realize it, and so she wanted to at least try to make up for it. Cordelia was sure all her nervousness was gone, but as she made it to the given place the feeling of uneasiness was back. But she was an open-minded woman. She was the Supreme and there was nothing she couldn’t take, right?

The place wasn’t as fancy as the whole hotel, but it was its crowning glory, the biggest asset. It was so cozy and had that nice aura, that made her relax as soon as she entered. She walked down the long corridor, towards the sound of conversations. She made it to a big room, but before she made her entrance she heard your voice.

“What is she doing here?” suddenly all the eyes were on her, everyone stared at her - everyone except for you. You sat there, among a group of people, your friends probably. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“Well, I guess she’s here for you, bug” Elliot stated

“You don’t say!” you rolled your eyes at him and put down your knife and fork

The Supreme was frozen in her place. She didn’t move even a bit, waiting for what you’d do next or just any sign at all.

“We’ll leave the two of you alone” Elliot said standing up, giving the others a signal to follow him “We’ll see you later, at the party”

You nodded looking at your plate. Cordelia waited for the rest to make their leave, before approaching you and sitting opposite. You didn’t say anything and neither did she. You just sat there in complete silence. 

Cordelia watched as you began eating again, completely ignoring her presence. A small grin appeared on her face. She wasn’t used to watching girls close to your age eating, not like that at least. They all seemed to have really tiny appetites and rarely eat together, almost as if they were ashamed of it. And you - you weren’t even slightly bothered by her presence and kept chewing on your food. It was such a simple thing, but she found it absolutely adorable. She watched you for a moment, before taking a notice of your mug. There wouldn’t be anything extraordinary about the vessel if it hadn’t been for a teaspoon in it. The teaspoon that was stirring the beverage itself. Cordelia smirked at that small sign of your powers. 

“So… you’re a witch” she stated and watched as you swallowed hard before replying

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

Instead of arguing and giving all her reasons to proved her point, Cordelia only glanced at the mug - drawing your attention to it. You immediately placed your hand on it, making the teaspoon stop. You straightened up and looked at her.

“What do you want?” you asked examining her face

Cordelia already knew that you could see right through her and that made her even more nervous.

“First of all I want to thank you for helping me yesterday. And... I want to apologise"

"What for?" 

“My behaviour?”

“What kind of behavior do you mean? Your attempt to flirt or creeping earlier this day?”

Your response definitely wasn’t what she had expected. 

“I…” she couldn’t even find the right words. She didn’t know what she should say. How was she supposed to explain her spying on you? As she sat there and thought about it, she realized it was kind of disturbing and pretty weird actually. Cordelia began nervously playing with the rings on her fingers. She looked everywhere, but your eyes. Could things get even more embarrassing than that? Well… yes. They could and they did.

“Where did that bold Supreme ready to help me with getting laid down go, hmm?” you teased standing up and moving towards one of the windows.

Cordelia’s eyes widened. She had absolutely no idea what you were talking about.

“I… I guess I was just curious” Cordelia gulped watching as you lit a cigarette 

“Don’t you know that curiosity can get you in trouble, Miss Supreme?” you asked pulling at your cigarette

Cordelia slowly stood up and followed you to the window. She stopped right next to you - leaning against a windowsill.

“I couldn’t help myself. You just seem to be quite interesting person”

“As a matter of fact, Miss Supreme” you starter pulling at the cigarette again “I’m exactly the kind of girl you would not be interested in” you finished letting out a puff of smoke

“I beg to differ”

You raised your eyebrow as she moved closer. Your eyes locked with hers, as Cordelia leaned in -  dangerously close to your face. Your gaze shifted to her hand, when she took the cigarette from you, her delicate fingers gently brushing against yours. She brought it to her lips, your eyes followed the movement of her hand. Cordelia put the cigarette in her mouth, glaring at you - still focused , intently observing her actions. She was waiting for your reaction, but your face remained unreadable. You seemed so stoic… until she pulled at the cigarette. Her eyes filled with tears as the smoke tickled, irritated her throat. She tried to hold it back, she couldn’t. Cordelia choked. She began coughing abruptly. A few tears escaped her eyes and flew down her cheeks - breaking the tension. That didn’t go as planned.

You chuckled watching her the tears with her palm. It was hilarious, but also kind of adorable. The way she tried to get your attention and impress you so badly. And why? What for? You were nothing special. There was nothing you could possibly offer her. She probably already had everything anyway.

Cordelia took a few deep breaths - trying to ease the weird feeling, to get rid of that kinda bitter, awful taste in her mouth. So embarrassing. She looked down, refusing to meet your eyes.

You pretended you didn’t hear her thoughts and smiled sympathetically. You felt bad, maybe even a bit guilty - knowing it was her attempt of getting your attention. You slowly leaned in, the same way she did before. Cordelia looked at you again. She glared at you expectantly.

“Smoking is not your thing, Miss Supreme” you said taking the cigarette from her

Cordelia crossed her arms across herself once again watching you exhale a puff of smoke, before you stubbed the cigarette on the ashtray.

You moved ready to walk away and get back to your routine, though something made you stop. You couldn’t stand seeing her so perplexed, biting on her lip nervously. She got so shy around you that you couldn’t help and wanted nothing more, but to take care of her, embrace and hide from the whole world as if she was the most precious thing you had ever seen.

“If anything...” you spoke up drawing her attention back to yourself one more time “it was adorable. Yes, maybe a bit embarrassing, but still cute as fuck” you winked at her, seeing a small smile forming on her face.

You mirrored her smile and for a moment, just a few seconds her eyes lit up.

“Come on, you still owe me a dance, Miss Supreme”

Tag list: @midnight-lestrange​, @natasha-danvers​, @stopkillinglilyrabe​, @welshdragonrawr​, @saucy-sapphic​, @yang12e​

[mystic-kitten-writer]

Limerence [M] ︳33

Pairing: Zuko x OC

Genre: Romance, mainly fluff with future smut, and if you squint hard enough - you’ll find some angst.

Rating: SFW

Words: 18300+

Notes: I’m finally finished! Thank you guys for being so patient with me - I can’t even begin to express my gratitude. I feel horrible for making you guys wait so long - so I’ll cut to the chase and tell you the good news! Due to the corona virus - my summer courses have been cancelled, so I’m no longer graduating this summer (no, this isn’t the good news) - but because of this, that means your beech gets to update more often! So I plan on dropping an update schedule for all my stories, and my goal is to update every week (alternating stories).

Next - I got an Ao3 account! A lot of people asked me to make one, so I did. I’m going to take this week to edit Limerence (the first few chapters min.) before posting my work on there. But now Tumblr and Ao3 will contain all Explicit chapters of Limerence! 

The next fun bit of news is the next update you’ll receive will be a double update for Limerence! I was going to end this chapter a bit differently, but my friends pointed out a few things - and they convinced me others wise. Because of that, I’m planning on doing a double update. I can’t go too in-depth with it without spoiling, but at least you guys have that to look forward to!

But regardless, please stay healthy and safe! Love you tons, take care~!

Masterlist ︳32 ︳ 34

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

Limerence: (English/n.) the state of being infatuated with another person.

The moment their eyes locked they knew - the flames within him twisted while the water within her turned. It was a connection, a connection that would lead to love, adventure, and drama.

“Eccedentesiast”

(Latin/n.) Someone who fakes or forces a smile when all they want to do is cry, disappear, or die.

~ Ying Yue Jiang ~

           There it laid, in my hands, glistening under the sunlight, the black onyx seemingly glowing. The dragon that was painted in gold looked beyond realistic; the red ruby protectively held in its grasp. The golden paint held pink reflections in the scales, each claw wrapped around the gem as if it were a newborn child – protecting it with its life.

           My finger trailed down the soulful image, feeling every ridge and divot engraved in the emblem. Anyone could feel the love, the power, in the illustration – how awe-inspiring it was. But I found myself stilling, the words engraved at the very bottom of the heavy seal mocking me.

           Imperial Consort of the Fire Lord.

           It was like a vice grip; someone squeezing my heart and causing my body to tremble. Since my official debut, and receiving this seal, I hadn’t once touched it. I was keeping it locked in my drawer for safekeeping. This mere chuck of mineral, the symbolism behind it, was beyond royal Fire Nation customs. My truest feelings…

           I could remember the butterflies in my stomach, the silly smile I bore as I took my oath that day. Zuko was delicately smudging the red paint on my forehead, the mark of the consort. A weak smile emerged on my face. Gosh, how flushed Zuko, and I was that day. Me unable to contain my nerves as we stood in front of thousands – declaring our devotion to each other.

           I already loved Zuko at that point; I was just too shy to tell him. Being near him, seeing Zuko happy and spending time with me was good enough. That day, I may have been nervous, but I was delighted - the happiest I had been in years.

           The seal slipped from my grip, falling onto the bed. My shoulder’s slumped, feet dangling over the edge, hands covering my face.

           I was selfish.

           I could still recall the way Zuko thrashed, his face twisted in pain, eyes teary as he clawed at his throat in desperation. I could feel the pain he was in, the fear, utterly helpless – a look I’ve only seen once, and that was when we were facing Yakone.

           Zuko was dying, right before my eyes, and I couldn’t deal with it.

           Everything happened so fast, and I could feel my hands starting to tremble. The image was still far too vivid, too fresh. I almost lost Zuko – no.

           I did lose him.

           “Yue…” a tender voice whispered out, a tone that could only belong to Aang. I swallowed back a sob, letting my hands fall from my face, trying to wipe all evidence that I was crying. Too weak to lift my head, my hands laid on my lap.

           Aang’s footsteps were soundless, and I could already visualize the way he was cleverly studying my sitting figure, trying urgently to read my mood. “Katara told me that Zuko is going to be okay; she induced him into a deep slumber to speed up his recovery, but…you saved him.” Aang spoke, and I noticed how clear his voice sounded, he was closer.

            “Thank you…” I muffled softly, running an unsteady hand through my tangled locks.

           Not even thirty minutes passed since everything went down, I hadn’t had time to change or clean my appearance, besides wiping my blood-stained fingertips. My hair fell in front of my face again, and I used the opportunity to wipe the rogue tear. I’m a complete disaster.

           “Yue…” Aang worried, but this time I felt his cool touch.

           His fingers caressed my face, tilting my head upwards to meet his sincere gaze. He was kneeling in front of me, the floor cleared of all the shards that once littered the bedroom floor. His face was pale, eyes round as he considered my figure. I saw the way his lips twitched, eyes shifting back and forth, trying to think of the right words.

           What to say, what to think, what to do.

           But what more could Aang say?

           What could be said about everything that managed to transpire in the last half hour that hasn’t been thought of already? My heart fastened in pace, mind spinning with the unknown. Why was the tea poisoned, who poisoned the drink– As if Aang could read my mind, a long exhale escaped him, pressing his forehead against mine.

           “I’m so sorry, Yue,” Aang breathed, his voice fragile – defeated.

           My bottom lip trembled, hearing the ache in Aang’s voice, his touch moving up my face so his thumbs could rub my temples. My body limped under his tender touches, head falling into his shoulder – a soundless cry leaving my lips.

           It was like he let loose to all of my thoughts, everything that tortured my mind manifesting into tears. I’m lost. I clawed at Aang’s mustard coloured robes, desperately seeking air. Every sharp gasp seemed to feed into the shivers, the anxieties and insecurities that haunted my mind, growing and swarming.

           Aang embraced my hunched body, bringing me closer to his own. “I-it’s my fault, Aang.” I sniffled, confessing the very thing that seemed to devour me. Aang cooed into my hair, his face pressed against my chaotic locks. “That’s not true, Yue-” he insisted, but I refuted his claim.

           “T-that tea was meant for me. If-if I had drunk it, if I had stopped Zuko-”

           “That would’ve been worse. You could save Zuko, but the reverse can’t happen.”

           “You don’t get it, Aang.” I wept, cowering away in frustration, to face him. His eyes were red and glossy as he stared back at me intently, mirroring the same pained expression that I wore.

           “You-you didn’t see the look on Zuko’s face. The moment he realized what I am.” I choked, struggling to string the words together. I wasn’t crying cause Zuko got hurt. Gosh, Zuko’s been through the spirit world and back – he knew pain.

           The tears that decorated my rose-coloured cheeks, they were tears of mourning.

           I may have saved Zuko, physically – but I lost him emotionally, mentally, symbolically. How could Zuko look at me, let alone love me? I was a monster – the very thing everyone was trying so hard to rid of.

           ���You’re still you, Yue. Words can’t even begin to describe how much Zuko cares for you. How important you are to him, to us.” Aang blew, bringing me back to his shoulder to snuggle. I could feel his clothes dampening, but he didn’t complain once, preoccupied with easing my choked cries.

           I snivelled, pressing my eyes shut to stop the tears from overflowing - if only it were that easy. What about everybody else – Katara, Sokka, Suki, Toph? What are they going to think knowing what kind of monster I am? The words they lashed out the other day, they meant it, each and every word. It was only a matter of time they figured out what happened, what I had done if they hadn’t learned already.

           A Bloodbender – that is what I am, and there’s no running away from it anymore.

           Aang continued to rock me back and forth, dragging me out of the pits of my darkest thoughts, pulse slowing. He was buzzing softly as we swayed, feeling his lips sweeping my head. I found my body lazing in his embrace, nestling my head deeper in the crook of his neck.

           It was nothing like Zuko’s embrace, the sweet tune he often sung during our highs and lows. I bit my tongue to stop the wave of nostalgia from overwhelming me. I want Zuko, that’s all I want.

           I want us to be back in bed, laughing at our silly jokes, even if it meant accepting that terrible rate of two kisses per half hour.

           I snickered bitterly at the mere thought of our pointless banter from this morning. The banter that always rose whenever Zuko and I were left alone to our own devices. Meaningless talk that always had me bursting from happiness at the way Zuko managed to tease me mercilessly, a constant blush to paint my cheeks. The way he holds me close to his chest, our limbs intertwined – like two puzzle pieces coming together.

           Aang leaned back slightly, started by the sudden giggle.

           “What’s so funny?” He mumbled, and I drew away, wiping a tear with the back of my hand. Aang watched a tear escape my effort, the drop rolling down my stained cheeks. Without thinking twice, he tugged on his sleeve to dry it. “T-this morning.” I hiccuped, shaking my head with a sad smile, recalling the romantic moment that just took place.

           “Zuko said that I owe him two kisses per half-hour every time he keeps me warm.” I snorted, my gaze dropping to my lap, fingers twirling. “I-I told him no way, but now-but now I want nothing more but to give him those two kisses plus more.”

           Aang smiled sympathetically, hearing my confession, cupping my hands and bringing them to his chest. It was then I noticed how my hands trembled and the heat that Aang was radiating. It was nothing like the heat from Zuko, his natural, the fire within him.

           But regardless, feeling the warmth from Aang’s palms, spreading towards my own, had me mewling in delight. I was freezing, so used to having Zuko by my side, stealing his warmth like how Momo clung onto Appa for dear life. How did I survive in the Southern Water Tribe as long as I did without Zuko to warm me up?

           “I know I’m no Zuko…I don’t have the hard rock abs or long hair, or overall cranky attitude.” Aang spoke light-heartedly, testing the waters. And despite the tense mood, I couldn’t help but giggle at Aang’s words, a genuine giggle.

           Aang’s small smile shifted to a greater one knowing he enticed a laugh from me, letting his fingers intertwine with mine, placing them over his heart. “I’ll never be Zuko, Yue; no one could replace him. But he did teach me how to conduct heat, just in case, I have to warm you up for him whenever he can’t be beside you. Because trust me, Yue. There’s nowhere else Zuko would rather be than by your side.”

           A shy blush rose to my cheeks, hearing Aang say some of the sweetest yet cheesiest lines to date. Lines that only Zuko could manage to make somewhat non-cringe-able. But that was the magic of Aang; he always managed to change the mood in a flash.

           Wearing his emotions on his sleeves, Aang was never afraid to put himself in other people’s shoes, experience their pain, and empathize. This is why he’s the Avatar, and Katara is beyond lucky to land someone as sensitive and considerate as Aang.

           “Thank you, Aang…I-I-you accepted me the moment you saw me. You gave me a home, friends, a family. I owe you everything.” I said, voice cracking because it was true. If it weren’t for that faithful day, saving Aang, him insisting on a meal – I would've never been where I was now.

           But Aang merely shrugged his shoulders, letting my hands drop to my lap. “I lost my family, my Nation…I know how it feels to be alone. If it weren’t for Katara and Sokka, I don’t think I would’ve been able to grow, but now I have a place to call home.”

           “…Katara is home for you, isn’t she?” I timidly mumbled, and Aang smiled.

           “She’s my world.”

           “Zuko…he’s my home…but between you and me, he’s my universe.” I twinkled softly, and Aang chuckled. “You really had to try and one-up me?” he teased, his hand briefly scratching the top of my head.

           “I learned that from Sokka.” I peeped, a bit of playfulness arising from within me despite the melancholy that ran through my veins. “Of course, Sokka taught you that, make sure Katara doesn’t find out.” Aang muttered under his breath, trying to sound annoyed, but those were emotions seemingly foreign to Aang. He patted my head once more before dropping his touch.

           Our soft laughs died down, Aang letting his fingers trace over my own delicately as we sat in silence. Mimicking the way I usually outlined the natural lines or scars the littered Zuko’s palms and arms. Zuko…

           Zuko is okay; he’s in safe hands with Katara…and while I don’t know what was going to happen to us, I could get answers for something else. “Aang…umm…what did-what did the others say about, you know.” I whispered, shifting my gaze back to him.

           Aang’s easy-going expression flattered for a moment, letting out a conflicted sigh as he rubbed the back of his head. I spotted the look on his face, the same look when he was unsure as to what to say when he first entered. “It’s a …complicated.” He started, and I rose a brow at his words, not the words I was expecting to hear, let alone from him.

           “What does that mean, Aang?” I implored, clenching his hand anxiously. Aang’s mouth opened and closed, another great lament escaping him, fighting with himself. He doesn’t know whether or not he should spill.

           “Don’t worry about it, Yue. You have so much on your plate already-.”

           “But I do worry, Aang. I need to know. I’m tired of being left in the dark because people think I can’t handle the truth.” I pressured, and the look in my eyes must have spoken wonders because Aang broke.

           He pulled from my grip, scratching behind his head once again, a look of shame etched in his face. “I told them the truth. I told them that you used Waterbending to save Zuko.” Aang mumbled under his breath, his words nearly blending at how soft-spoken he was. My eyes narrowed, tilting my head in confusion. Told them…the truth?

           And that’s when it clicked.

           “You lied to them.” I gasped.

           “No, I told them the truth. Bloodbending is a form of Waterbending, is it not?” Aang stubbornly insisted, but even I spotted the doubt in his words. He didn’t even fully believe what he was saying to me. He sounded just like me, lying to himself about the truth – trying to convince himself more than me.

           I glowered, shaking my head as I twisted my fingers, “Omitting the truth is just another way of lying,”

           “But it keeps you safe.”

           I snorted, “They couldn’t possibly believe that, Aang. Waterbending wouldn’t have been enough to save Zuko. Katara should’ve figured that out by now-”

           “It’s easy to lie to the people who trust you the most.”

           It felt as if someone was twisting my stomach from the inside out – Aang doesn’t lie.

           Aang always tells the truth, but for me – he lied to everyone.

           My head hung low, biting my lips as I squeezed my eyes shut.“I’m so sorry, Aang-” I whimpered, the heaviness of the situation hitting me like a ton of bricks. He lied to not only his friends but the love of his life for me.

           He took advantage of Katara’s trust – all because of me.

           I was not only causing pain upon Zuko but now the people who I viewed as family.

           Aang cupped my face, forcing our gazes to meet. My amber coloured eyes met with his chocolate ones – a tenderness rooted deep in the stare. I found myself in utter awe, because despite it all, Aang still bore an amiable smile, dismissing my apologies with ease. “Some things must be done, and I know, in the long run, this is for the better.”

           I sniffled, “I trust you, Aang.”

           “Sokka, Suki, and Toph are working with the guards to figure out who did this to Zuko. We’re going to get through this together.”

           “Aang…what if-what if Zuko doesn’t forgive me?” I trembled.

           Just the thought of Zuko in the infirmary, hurt and in pain – at the mercy of the nurses and Katara made me feel sick. But the idea of this being the end of us after everything because of my greed. Because of my inability to be honest with Zuko took the cake.

           If only I were stronger if only I weren’t broken and a monster-

           Aang’s expression softened, ready to coddle me back to his chest, “Zuko loves you, Yue. Please don’t blame yourself-”

           A loud knock interpreted Aang’s speech, both us jumping at the noise.

           Whoever it was didn’t stop with a single blow, no – they were hasty and non-stop. Someone desperately wanted in. Who could it be? A guard, a maid? Aang tapped my cheeks appreciatively before rising to his feet.

           “I’ll get it.” He muttered, but I couldn’t help but notice how it failed to reach his eyes.

           There was a stiffness in Aang’s usual airy steps, much like when Toph used her seismic senses to feel. Aang wasn’t expecting anyone…he’s being cautious. I found my back straightening, brushing my hair as I observed the way Aang eased his way to the doors, the knocking lingering.

           His hand gripped the handle, leaning towards the entry and jarring it just a crack. My curiosity grew, slanting forward to see or catchword of who was so enthusiastically rapping away. Aang’s head popped out the room, and his body relaxed instantly, a surprised squeak leaving him.

           “Ursa-” Aang spoke, and I froze in my spot.

           Zuko’s mom?

           No-no-no-no- Ursa’s going to hate me, tear me to shreds-

           My face paled, eyes unable to stop staring at how Aang stepped back into the room, his lips moving as he spoke. It was as if everything was happening in slow-motion. Aang opening the door wide with a smile, the commotion of outside out of mind.

           All I could focus on was the rush of red that entered.

           My nails dug into my thighs, wincing at the impending fury Ursa was undoubtedly about to unleash upon me. It’s my fault, my fault-

           “Where is she?” Ursa gasped, urgency lingering in her words. Her voice sounded winded like she ran here with all her might. My eyes widen, hearing her, unable to utter a word as I studied Ursa. She looked frightened, her face white, body quivering.

           I’ve never seen Ursa look anything less than put-together, the definition of royalty and beauty.

           She was a kind woman, with a sassy tongue, two qualities that the people in the kingdom adored. It didn’t take long for me to realize that Ursa was the definition of strongminded, something I revered – and one could easily find such a trait in Zuko. His will was something that both drove me up the wall and admired.

           But the look that decorated her face – it wasn’t the typical appearance she maintained. It was different, a sight I’ve never seen before.

           Her lavish ruby robes were wrinkled, her raven coloured-hair slipping from the golden pins that kept her hair tidy. She frantically scanned every inch of the bedroom in a matter of seconds, and the moment her vibrant eyes fell over me, her shoulders slumped, a choked sob leaving her lips.

           “You’re okay!”

           Everything happened so fast.

           She threw her arms in the air, tossing herself at me, and the sweet scent of flowers flooded my scenes. My body weakened in her arms, letting myself tumble into her embrace. The overwhelming sense of familiarity had me flushing, something I thought I would never experience again – a mother’s hug.

           “You’re okay. My child is okay.” Ursa repeated like a song, hands running up and down my back, making sure I was indeed real and not a figment of her imagination. Her gestures were dramatic, yet without a second thought, my arms enveloped her – how I missed this.

           “I’m so sorry, Ursa. It’s my fault; the tea was for me-”

           “Don’t blame yourself for the actions of others. You’re safe, and Zuko’s safe, and that’s all that matters.” She happily blubbered, and I could feel my heart flutter.

           The cheerfulness in her tone, squeezing the life out of me as she planted kisses all over my forehead. How many times have I seen Ursa do the same with Kiyi? Even with Zuko, much to his dismay. But the feeling of her peppering quick, chaste kisses all over my face had me rosy – a gesture bursting with the purest form of love.

           “If Zuko doesn’t propose to you the moment he gets better, I’m going to kill that boy.” She muttered under her breath, and I smiled through tears; tears, I had no clue I was even shedding. “I wish I could’ve been better for Zuko, done more for him, Ursa. I’m sorry-”

           “You don’t know, my child…you don’t know how much you’ve changed him. You saved him in more ways than one.” She droned into my ear, feeling her lips tugging upwards the whole time.

           I spotted the way Aang beamed from a distance, that signature smile of his painting his face as he shot me a thumbs-up. His mouth was moving the whole time soundlessly, a prideful ‘told you so’ lingering under his breath.

           “Lady Ursa, Zuko is currently in the infirmary, you can go visit him with Ying Yue. He’s sleeping, but I know he’ll love your support…” Aang proposed, and Ursa pulled back, nodding eagerly. “Thank you, Avatar Aang. That sounds like a wonderful plan.” she hummed while cleaning up my appearance.

           Ursa brushed the black strands of hair that kept falling in front of my face, tugging at a few tangles before straightening out the nightwear I wore. Ursa’s pink lips puckered towards the end, her eyes scanning my body up and down before clasping over my cheeks, “You’re running a fever, my dear.”  

           I was running a fever?

           Aang frowned hearing those words leave Ursa, scratching his beard as he walked forward, “It seems you pushed yourself by bending, Yue. We should get your chi checked by Katara-”

           “I’m fine- I promise.” I stammered, fingers twisting. The last thing I wanted was to be a bother when people should prioritize Zuko. I already caused so much trouble- “Oh, I swear, there are many things you can learn from Zuko, but stubbornness will not be one of them.” Ursa grumbled under her breath, and I coloured.

           “I promise, Ursa, I feel fine, just tired.” I lied, trying to make my speech chirpy with each word. My body ached the more I focused, head throbbing, and I knew it was because of the bending I just unleashed.

           I reached my limit, pushed myself too far…but what choice did I have? Between my bending or Zuko – the answer was clear. It’s just a matter of accepting the consequences.

           Bloodbending wasn’t a skill for the weak; it took years of practicing with Mom, healing animals before people. Even Mom got tired at the end of a busy day of treating so many people, Dad sometimes picking her up and tucking her into bed.

           “This isn’t up for discussion, Ying Yue. If you’re not the slightest bit well, we’ll never hear the end of it from Zuko when he arises.”

           “I promise, Ursa! There’s no need to cause a fuss over me.” I exclaimed, and Ursa simply rolled her eyes with a tongue-in-cheek smile. “Tell that to Zuko.”

           “Ursa-” I pouted, but before I could continue, Aang spoke.

           “Umm…my apologizes but-uhh-”

           Both of us turned to face Aang, whose brows were pinched together, a frown of concentration on his face. His hands were outstretched along the door, focusing. What was he doing? It was like he was trying to pick up on something. What could have Aang so bothered?

           “Aang…” I voiced, scared to startle him out of his stance of awareness, “What’s wrong?”

           “I don’t know, but I think someone is coming-no; people are coming.” He alleged, uncertainty lingering in his tone.

           But boy was Aang right about people.

           The ground felt like it was vibrating once he pointed it out, the sound of heavy footsteps moving together, getting louder and louder – like a swarm of bees. How did we not notice before? We were all so caught up in the moment, expressing ourselves that we failed to take in the obvious.

           Ursa frowned, my hands slipping from her grasp as she studied the door.

           “They’re here-” Aang warned, and once again, the sound of knocking resonated in the bedroom.

           Heavy and harsh – three solid knocks. With much hesitance, Aang stretched forward, opening the door wide, and I saw the way his face twisted to that of a stern expression. Could it be who I think-

           “Council.”

           “Avatar Aang. We’re here to speak with Imperial Consort, Ying Yue if you please.”

           Aang moved aside, tilting his head towards me, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. I gulped, staggered by the hefty sound of their footsteps entering the room – a room that was vast in size, suddenly feeling small with the number of people inside.

           Eleven people stood, some young, some old – but I recognized most of their faces from my debut. There were so many people I had met; it was only a matter of time faces began combining, names forgotten, despite Zuko quizzing throughout the day.

           And while they were most certainly not dressed as majestic as that day, they maintained an appearance of high-status, hair orderly, hands in front of themselves as their eyes settled upon me. I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, understanding how I appeared.

           Despite Ursa’s effort to clean up my appearance, I knew I was less than presentable. If I felt like poop before, now I feel even worse. But it was the two elders that stood upfront that had me rising from the comforts of my bed, their presence reminding me of Zuko’s.

           Both elders had grey hair, the woman’s hair kept in a bun while the man beside her had his partly up, similar to Zuko’s go-to hairstyle for a casual workday. But the look on the man’s face, eyes tapered as he scowled. There was a wave of unspoken anger in his expression, noting that his knuckles were white from his fingers pressing against his skin.

           “Imperial Consort Ying Yue.” He said, no, more so hissed.

           The way my title slipped from his thin lips – as if it were a struggle for him to utter those words. Zuko said that four people voted against me. I fired one of them, so could this mean-

           “H-how may I be of service, council?” I spoke carefully, my voice cracking from bawling minutes ago with Aang and Ursa.

           The man merely huffed, chest-puffing hearing my voice. The display of discontentment caused the shiny emblem that decorated his arm to glisten under the sunlight that seeped into the room. Reluctantly, he cleared his throat, getting to the point of their visit.

           “As per Fire Lord Zuko’s wish and via Fire Nation customs, should he be unable to rule, power shall temporarily fall into your hands until he is well enough to assume his role. This ruling applies immediately.”

           Shit. How did I let such a fact slip my mind-

           “You are expected to be in a meeting within the hour. I hope you are well-versed and educated in such political matters. It would be a shame for you to make a fool of yourself during a time like this.” He snickered. Embarrass myself? He thinks that because Zuko isn’t with me that he can just walk all over me-

           “My son is hurt. My future daughter in law, the future Queen, should be spending her time with him, not in some meeting that can be postponed-” Ursa voiced furiously, but the man rose his hand, shutting her up completely.

           “With all due respect, you have no authority here, Lady Ursa.”

           “But I do, and I expect you to treat Fire Lord Zuko’s mother with as much respect as you do towards him.” I demanded, channelling my inner Toph as I marched forward. My arm outstretched before Ursa as if it could protect her from the complete and utter disrespect this man was demonstrating.

           I saw Aang’s breath hitch, sensing the pressure rising in the room, moving towards our side. The man’s eyes narrowed before bitterly kissing his teeth, forcing the fakest smile I have seen to date, and at that moment, it hit me.

           I do know him; he was with the man from the other day. He was one of the people who greeted us, although greet would be a bit of a stretch, when we arrived from Ember Island. He was there when I dismissed the councilmember; he’s one of the people who voted against me.

           “My apologies, Lady Ursa.” He spat, and I glared, my guard, rising. I can’t trust him.

           “I’ll be ready in an hour. See you at said meeting.”

           He merely nodded.

           Not bothering to show any more respect than necessary, he gave me a poor excuse of a bow, before twisting his body. Parading his way out, the others followed suit, an uncomfortable silence falling over them as they shared conflicting glances amongst each other.

           Yet as everyone trailed behind, one by one, the room growing spacious, the older woman who stayed by his side the whole time stood still. She bore a soft smile, a smile of comfort. The wrinkles that decorated her face were prominent, her eyes glistening under the lighting.

           “I wish for a speedy recovery for Fire Lord Zuko, Imperial Consort.” She sang as the room emptied to no one else but us. Her tone was light, reminding me of Aang in many ways. I saw Ursa’s body lax from behind me, shooting the lady a smile – they knew each other.

           “Thank you, umm…” I drew, pitch dropping, realizing I was ignorant of her name.

           “Ming. I never got a chance to introduce myself during your party.��� She voiced gently, but the way she gazed at me. It was like she was reminiscing. As if she saw something that I didn’t - knew something about me, but not something necessarily bad.

           Who was she really? Why do I feel like I should know her?

           “Councilmember, Ming. I’ll see you soon; it’s a pleasure to meet you.” I spoke cautiously, unable to push the feeling away that she was important somehow. I wonder if she was on proper terms with Zuko? Her aura, it was unlike the man who was speaking before. It was like she was happy to see me.

           “The pleasure is all mine, Imperial Consort. Until soon.”

           She slowly left the room, and Ursa huffed inwardly as soon as we heard the delicate clicking sound of the door shutting.

           “I can’t believe the audacity of some of these councilmembers, insisting on meetings at a time like this.” Ursa fumed, patting down her dress in tune with her rant. The slaps against her dress were rough, slapping the wrinkles out of her gown – but also her growing frustrations.

           I saw the way her lips pressed tight, eyes watery as she raged, “We should be more concerned about who tried to hurt Zuko and you, not this.”

           Every word she spoke, her hands were starting to shake; it was like the reality that her son was currently unconscious was hitting her. Aang glowered, sensing the crabbiness coursing through Ursa. She’s worried about Zuko, the genuine fear of a mother unable to protect her son.

           She felt helpless, and I couldn’t help but relate to her on so many levels. Helplessness, uselessness – feelings that kept bubbling up from time to time, especially now.

           “We have people looking into the case, Lady Ursa. We’re going to get to the bottom of this.” Aang reassured, talking to her as evenly as possible. Ursa sighed in defeat, nodding along because while she knew Aang was right, that didn’t change the fact that she was facing a whirlwind of emotions.

           “I just don’t understand why Iroh can’t take Ying Yue’s position. This must be such a difficult time for you, and they were completely unsympathetic to the whole situation.” Ursa puffed, and I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I saw Ursa’s expression change.

           My hand fell over her shoulder, shooting her a small smile as I squeezed her shoulder. “I’m fine, Ursa. I made a vow to this nation, to Zuko, and I don’t plan on breaking that. It’s the least I could do for him…”

           “Yue…” Aang whispered, knowing very well what I meant by my works.

           The truth was that Zuko was unconscious because of me.

           I was beyond selfish to think that I deserved him; that someone like me, a low-life Bloodbender, deserved the happiness that I experienced from these past months with him.

           Zuko almost died because of me, because of my inability to accept the fact that I didn’t deserve him – that he deserved better. I can’t sit around and do nothing anymore. The least I could do is make Zuko proud, be the Queen he always thought I could be – even for a moment.

           “I can do this…I have to do this.” I mumbled under my breath, pushing back my self-destructive thoughts.

           Now was not the time to cry, nor to worry about the what-ifs of us. There were thousands upon thousands of people depending on me at the moment until Zuko can get back on his feet. I didn’t spend countless hours reading and studying for fun.

           Ursa smiled, her hand raising to caress my cheek. “I think I know what Zuko means when he says you have the spirit of a Firebender,” Ursa whispered, and I let out a small laugh.

           “I’m no Firebender, Ursa.”

           “You’re right; you’re even better. You’re a Queen, Ying Yue, Zuko’s Queen.”

           I can only try.

             “Are you sure, Yue? I can go into that meeting with you.” Aang insisted, matching my haste pace as we travelled through the long corridors.

           The sound of my heels clicking against the marble flooring, high-pitch ticks bouncing off the walls were crystal clear. A considerable contrast to Aang’s feather-like footsteps. Our pace was in sync with my pounding heart, head in pain as I struggled to focus on my steps. My trembling hands, fidgeting with the pins that decorated my hair, didn’t help.

           All the things that could go wrong in this meeting – where do I even start? I’ve never done a meeting this grand with Zuko by my side, let alone by myself. I wasn’t ready for something like this, not to this scale.

           Sure, I did meetings back at the Southern Water Tribe, but this was completely different. The sessions there were calm and lax – jokes and smiles present at all times. And Zuko never got a chance to teach me the current plans or developments he was working on because I was sick, I’m out of the loop entirely.

           My breathing quickened.

           Chest tightening, each breath a struggle.

           I can’t do this; I’m not ready. What was I thinking-

           ‘Just breathe, follow my lead’ I recalled Zuko whispering in my ear, his voice like dark chocolate. There was always a huskiness in Zuko’s tone, a raspiness that had me swooning, or in this case, giving me a sense of security. ‘That’s it, babe, slow and steady’ – I found my eyes fluttering shut, hands falling over my chest.

           The memory was vivid, his arms wrapped around my waist, chin resting on my shoulder. The way his chest rises and falls on my back whenever we embrace, greedily trying to recall every single moment in time where he hugged me. Completely engulfed by his presence, his firewood scent, warm touch.

           You always know what to say, Zuko, I want you here so bad.

           “Yue?” Aang worried, his hand resting over my shoulder, and I froze. We stopped walking, and I reddened realizing what I was doing. “S-sorry, Aang-”

           “Yue, you’re flushed. Ursa was right about your fever; you're burning up.” Aang sighed, letting his touch drop back to his side. I pressed a smile, fingers coiling in front of me as I tried to even out my breathing. “I don’t have a choice, Aang; I have to do this.”

           “No, you don’t. This isn’t right, Yue- we both know that. You’re not well, you pushed yourself, and the last thing we need is you passing out.”

           “Aang, this is my duty. I made a vow to Zuko. This is the least I could do for him. He depends on me for this.”

           Aang blew out exasperated, and for the first time in a while, I saw a look of pure fatigue sweeping. His shoulders were tense, gripping onto his staff, his hands turning white. He’s frustrated, not with me – but with everything.

           “Aang…” I whispered, letting my hand rest over his suffocating clutch. It was like he realized then how passionately he was grasping onto his staff, almost stopping his blood flow completely. “It’s only until Zuko gets better. After that, I’ll rest, I promise. But I need to do this.”

           “This isn’t fair, Yue. Why can’t you just be happy?”

           Happy. I shrugged my shoulders, “Because monsters don’t deserve to be happy, Aang.”

           “Yue-”

           “Imperial Consort Ying Yue! We wish Fire Lord Zuko a speedy recovery from his cold.” A bunch of maids chirped, causing me to pull back from Aang.

           My head whipped to the sound of their cheery voices, noticing all the huge smiles on their faces, the sunlight from the windows casting a heavenly glow around them. Cold- “T-thank you for your support.” I stuttered.

           Am I missing something?

           The maids giggled, nodding before bowing, “Take care of yourself as well, Imperial Consort, good day!” My mouth opened, to wish them a great day as well, but no sound left. What just happened…?

           “I forgot to tell you,” Aang muttered from behind, causing me to turn on my heel.

           I rose a brow, crossing my arms as I leaned forward. “Forgot to tell me what, Aang?” I asked, and I saw the way Aang’s gaze shifted back and forth as if he was fearful of other people eavesdropping. He linked his arm with mine, strolling towards the throne room up ahead.

           “Sokka said it would be better if we keep this assassination attempt under wraps.” Aang hushed, leaning towards my figure unsuspiciously. I tried to control my expression, hiding my look of surprise. That was not what I was expecting to hear.

           “You mean lie to the kingdom?”

           “We have to, Yue. If the kingdom finds out that someone tried to poison either you or Zuko, it’ll cause chaos. We need answers, and we can get those if the people who tried the assassination think they failed, which they did.”

           “So, everyone thinks Zuko has a cold.”

           “And I brought Katara here as a healer-”

           Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Sokka, you genius.

           I shook my head, noticing the grand doors at the end of the hallway as clear as day. Two guards stood at their post, holding on to their weapons, still as a statue. The throne room. My teeth dug into my lips, fighting to urge to turn on my heel and run back into the securities of my bed.

           But a dry cough that echoed down the hallway had me squinting. The same grumpy councilmember from this morning was standing in front of the throne room, near the doors and just out of sight.

           His arms were crossed, a bitter smile on his face as he stared down at us.

           A cold chill ran up my spine, watching the way he held his head high.

           But, just like that, he turned on his heel, entering the room. Why does it feel like everyone hates me in this kingdom?

           “I can go into that meeting with you, Yue.” Aang mumbled into my ear, and I sighed. “I’m fine, Aang. It’s just a meeting, what’s the worse that can happen?”

           Aang frowned, leaning against his staff with a raised brow – as if I was really asking such a stupid question. “A lot. There’s a reason why Zuko didn’t want you to get involved. Even with most of the councilmembers hand-picked by him, there are still a few who he’s itching to dismiss; he just can’t without a proper reason. You managed to get rid of one.”

           “Only three more to go.”

           “Be careful, Yue. That’s all I ask.” I nodded, sharing a soundless stare. Aang bowed his head, and I took a deep breath – a mutual understanding.

           Let’s do this.  

           I patted my dress down, shaking out any creases in the gown I wore. I didn’t even have time to admire the beauty of the fabric, too anxious to appreciate the exquisiteness. With much reluctance, I turned my back to Aang, slowly inching my way to the throne room.

           Straight into the lion’s den.

           The doors appeared grander as I walked down the empty hallways alone  – taking in the deep coloured wood, floor to ceiling in height, an entrance fit for giants.

           Through the light that shined through the windows, I spotted the stunning decals carved into the doors. Swirls, mimicking those of flames, etched with unbelievable accuracy. They reminded me of Zuko’s flames; controlled and restrained.

           But whenever Zuko did let loose, letting his flames run wild like that one time during the rainstorm, it was breathtaking. My hand began delicately falling over the woodwork, the closest I would get to touching Zuko’s flames without burning myself ironically.

           “Do you wish to enter?” A guard from the side spoke.

           Taking a deep breath, I nodded, unable to delay the inevitable any longer.

           The doors moaned loudly as the guards pushed the doors, allowing me to step into the great abyss. I found myself speechless, realizing that this was the first time I ever entered the Throne room. The last time this room was used was during Kayto’s visit.

           Gosh, what a sight.

           Long, endless lines of pillars adorned the space, reaching the ceiling, and it felt like beyond.

           Each post was decorated to the spirits, carved dragons flying up the posts in a spectacular dance. It felt mystical, like a depiction straight from a children's tale. The amount of time and effort that must have been given to creating such masterpieces was unfathomable. How long did it take to build this room?

           Candles lit up the space through low-hung chandeliers and candle stands, the room omitting a dark-yellow hue. The fact that this was practically a fire hazard in the making out of mind by the utter beauty of the place. But my attention fell over the sizeable dark-coloured table positioned in the center of the room.

           There sat eleven councilmembers, their eyes glued to me as I unhurriedly entered. All their faces were stern, the flickering candles casting eerie shadows over their features. And suddenly, the magic of the room started fading, the sick feeling in my stomach returning.

           “You’re late, Imperial Consort Ying Yue.” A voice boomed, a man standing from his seat at the table.

           I frowned, tilting my head at the sound of his voice, realizing who it was – this grump again.

           “Due pardon, but if I do recall, the meeting starts in an hour. I am early, fifteen minutes, in fact.” I clarified, and the councilmembers all stripped their gazes from me, staring at the table at which they sat.

           “Did you not receive the notice of time change? The meeting was due to start fifteen minutes ago.” The man shot back, and I found myself trembling. The way the room was designed seemed to draw out every single noise – his cantankerous tone hitting me from all sides.

           He set me up – he wanted me to look bad for coming late. There wasn’t a single maid looking for me, telling me about the change of time. My mouth opened and closed before swallowing my pride.

           Don’t argue with him, Yue.

           He wants you to mess up – reasons as to why you shouldn’t be with Zuko.

            “Apologizes, it seems the message failed to be relayed to me,” I spoke, each word forced because I knew the truth. The rest of the councilmember’s eyes narrowed, hearing my apology, but not in reaction to me, but to the man who spoke. They didn’t like him either; it seems.

           “No need to apologize, Imperial Consort Ying Yue. Please, take a seat at the head table.” A honied voice spoke, Ming. She stood from her seat, her back straight while bowing her head. I followed her gesture, her small hands pointing to the space at the far end of the table.

           How did I not notice that before?

           Unlike the others who sat in their seat at the table, this was a platform. Three steps above the ground, at the head of the table, a golden throne lined with luxurious rogue fabric. Hesitatingly, I walked forward, eyeing the set-up.

           The Fire Lord’s seat – Zuko’s throne.

           The style alone was undoubtedly not Zuko’s, much too gaudy, but this must have been passed down from generation to generation. Could I even sit in this place? Is this appropriate? Sure, I’m in power at the moment, but I’m not the official ruler, just a placeholder.

           “Is there an issue, Imperial Consort?” Ming questioned, her voice sounding distant. How big is this table, this room? I let out a timid smile, shaking my head. “Nothing at all, it’s perfect.” Ming smiled at my words, urging me to take a seat. As if she was letting me know that it was okay.

           I tried to lax my body, hands balling up the fabric of my dress before collapsing into the throne. It felt like clouds, the chair beyond comfy, and it gave me a clear view of everyone before me, too clear.

           The sensation of being high-up, towering above all, felt foreign, not settling well in the slightest. Towering above everyone else like I was some godly figure, all alone. Is this why Zuko doesn’t conduct meetings here? It felt isolating, almost dictating.

           Zuko was confident, too confident; he didn’t need to sit high up in a throne to command power. People just had to hear Zuko speak; his actions and work ethic alone were enough to secure his right as Fire Lord.

           Having everyone's eyes looking up at me had me feeling self-conscious, fingers playing with my dress, and that’s when I noticed the tidy pile of documents off to the side, ‘Fire Lord.’

           “The documents you see there will assist you in today’s meeting.” Ming smiled, already taking her seat once again. I nodded, reaching forward.

           I opened the folder, eyes briefly scanning its contents - schooling.

           My brows pinched together, flipping through the papers swiftly, not at all expecting to see this topic come in play today. It was all about budgets and funding for upcoming schools around the Fire Nation. The possibility of new educational institutions, finances, job increases for the general public.

           Zuko was trying to build more schools for children. Decrease the student to teacher ratio to provide a more personalized education. I had no clue Zuko was working on this-

           “Let us get straight to the point.” A councilmember coughed, my head snapping upwards to gaze over them all. My new found enemy let his hands rest on the table, palms down as if he were trying to control his composure.

           “We’re here to discuss the funding for the new schools set to be built within the year.” A councilmember rose their hand, gazing at me before speaking, “For what reasons? We have already established and approved all their placements.”

           The man merely rolled his eyes, tapping the table impatiently, “We discussed placement, but not funding. The funding that we have discussed is not enough for certain zones. Let us examine Ember Island – the funding for schooling should not be less than that of Black Cliffs.”

           I frowned, eyes darting back to the front of the document.

           A simple map was drawn, and sure enough, all the schools that had been approved were drawn on the map in red. Black Cliffs…its in the middle of nowhere…why would he want less funding if that funding is critical-

           “I disagree. Black Cliffs is in a remote area; they require more funding and a larger space since it is expected that these two villages will use this school until another one is built in the future. Ember Island already has three established schools, the new school being built is merely an expansion.” I reasoned.

           Thank you, Zuko.

           It was moments like these; I was thankful for Zuko’s complete and utter control-freak tendencies. His pretty handwriting was clear to read, the tiny notes he made off to the sides of each document helpful. I never got a chance to look at these papers beforehand like I had planned originally. He had to go and change the time of this damn meeting.

           “Nonsense. Ember Island and other cities need an increase in funding.” He insisted.

           “And why’s that?” I huffed.

           His eyes met mine, shooting me a glare. “If it was not clear in the notes in your pile, it is not unusual for high-status locations to have greater funding compared to low-class villages.”

           The language of this man. “I highly doubt that.” I started, but he pointed at the papers in my hands, “Look, Imperial Consort.” My eyes fell back onto the documents, rapidly flipping through papers.

           Contract approvals, estimated government costs for building, funding- what?

           My mouth dropped, fingers running along with the black ink, Zuko’s signature.

           The documents were older; previous educational establishments built within two years. Each city that was known to cater to high-ranking socialites gained more money for their public schools. But Zuko wouldn’t do something like that; he would never give more money to the rich.

           Yet the handwriting at the bottom, his seal of approval. Zuko agreed to this. He gave more funding to already prosperous areas in previous years.

           Why would you do that-

           “Well, Imperial Consort – did you find your proof?” The man snickered, a sinister grin on his face the whole time. He knew that I found what he wanted me to see, leaning back in his chair smugly with raised brows.

           I swallowed, nodding as I studied the paperwork.

           The gut feeling in my stomach, my mind screaming at me that this was wrong, wouldn’t go away. Zuko wouldn’t do that- he wouldn’t do this.

           “Good. We can end this meeting swiftly then. Just sign this paper here – you approving an increase of funding for these cities, and we can be dismissed.” The man smirked, waving the ivory coloured paper in the air. The other councilmembers gazed at each other in horror, shaking their heads.

           “Impossible. Fire Lord Zuko never approved of such means; he overruled Fire Lord Ozai’s school curriculum and funding process for reasons.” A woman shouted, slamming her hands.

           The man sneered at her, chinning towards me, “It seems like Fire Lord Zuko had a change of heart after all. He understands the importance of the high-ranking people of this Nation, not these filthy low-lives.”

           My hands started getting sweaty, watching the way the councilmembers began bickering with each other. They were at the edge of their seats, dropping formalities as they rose their voices. Zuko wouldn’t do that to children, gosh he had a hard exterior, but he wasn’t heartless.

           “I wish to see these documents! He would never approve!”

           “But if Imperial Consort found his signature approving of the funding in previous years…”

           “There will be an uproar from these villages. They are important, our main source of food. If they learn that we cut their funding and gave it to developed cities-”

           “Nonsense, they should know better than to revolt. Now hurry up and sign the papers!” The man shouted, slamming his hand against the table, the paper wrinkling under his grasp. The slamming of the documents reverberated in the room – bouncing off the walls and had everyone shutting up.

           His face was red, his eyes not wavering from my own, “Sign. The. Document.”

           “This needs to be deliberated in more depth-” I insisted. Gosh, Zuko wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t approve of this. He wouldn’t do this-

           “Nothing more has to be discussed, just approve it already. If these children do not have a school to attend to by the end of this year, the blame will fall over you for delaying the process, Imperial Consort. Can you live with yourself knowing that you are the reason children will not attend school this year because you could not make a decision?”

           Just sign it Yue – you have your proof. Clearly, Zuko is okay with this.

           But I’m not okay with this.

           But the proof- My fingers fell over the black ink again, where Zuko’s signature laid.

           It was his, I knew his handwriting, down to the way he flicked his wrist or dipped his pen for ink. These papers were proof that he was okay with this, and if he’s okay with this, this leaves me with only one choice-

           “I refuse to approve the funding. I will review the documents, and we can continue this meeting this evening with my final decision.” I spoke, trying to make my voice sound solid. A wave of relief washed over the majority of the council, and I could spot the three individuals who had the opposite reaction, furry etched in their faces.

           “You are wasting time.” The man grumbled, and I heaved a sigh. “Maybe so, but regardless if Fire Lord Zuko approved of this beforehand, I need time to review this information.”

           “You may be Imperial Consort, but you will never earn the respect of a Queen – you are nothing more but a Waterbender playing dress-up.”

           An eerie silence overcame us, and for the tenth time today; I could feel my heart shatter because he was right.

           I don’t deserve to be Queen, nor Zuko’s partner.

              Nothing was going right.

           It was as if the spirits decided that today wasn’t going wrong enough – let’s add more to my plate for their sick amusement.

           My hands ran through my hair in frustration, not caring in the slightest at the fact that the beautifully placed pins tumbled onto the rug underneath me. A string of curse words that would even have Zuko proud flew from my lips.

           Not even Zuko’s level of foul language would match my current state of self-destruction.

           The black ink pooled on the tabletop, some dripping on the red of my dress, like droplets of black blood. “Gosh, just my luck.” I fumed to myself, on the verge of just throwing every single bloody document on this table out the window. How does Zuko do this every day?

           Seeing the piles upon piles of paperwork that littered the floor, the words mashing together like a giant blob. My mind was spinning, face rosy from the stress and this fever that refused to back off for a second.

           I blew loudly, brushing my hair behind my ears before leaning over the study. My arm outstretched, fingers stretching to grasp the bundle of napkins placed off to the side.

           Utterly lost in my thoughts, I failed to take into account the vial of ink I had placed right in front of me, the draping of my sleeves knocking it over.

           My eyes widen, shoulders slumping in utter despair at the clacking sound of the glass vial hitting the wooden table, yet again – spilling the remaining ink.

           “Are you KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW!?” I cried, pulling back hastily, my long-sleeves dragging the ink with it. My voice cracked slightly, raising my tone as high as I did, not expressing such defeat in spirits knows how long.

           I watched helplessly as the ink settled into the natural indents of the wood, thankfully nowhere near the documents from the meeting this morning. And at that exact moment, a knock caught my attention, and I swallowed.

           Who could it possibly be now- Shutting my eyes before taking a deep breath, I bite my lip anxiously. Calm down, Yue. Count to ten.

           One…two…

           five…seven…

           nine…ten.

           “Yes?” I squealed, trying desperately to mask my frustration. The poor soul, on the other end of the door, didn’t need to experience my wrath when they did nothing wrong. I’m just an absolute idiot, that’s the problem.

           The study door jarred slightly at the sound of my voice, and to my shock, a guard popped his head in, free of his helmet. His long wavy hair swayed side to side as he bent over from his waist, up, a worried look on his face.

           “Is everything alright, Imperial Consort-oh, did you spill the ink, again?” He mused, a silly smile popping on the guard’s face almost instantly.

           My face flushed, “…Maybe.”

           The guard didn’t even have to step back outside. He lifted his arm from behind his back, a perfectly folded set of napkins in his grasp. “Fire Lord Zuko always asks me to keep some on hand; he says his Consort is a bit of clutz.” He chuckled, leaving me stunned.

           My mouth opened, ready to protest, but the current flood on the desk, my lap and sleeve filthy had me thinking twice.

           Why do you always have to be right, Zuko?

           “I’m sorry for causing so much trouble,” I whined, my shoulders dropping in fatigue as my hand fell over my face. I rubbed my eyes, fighting back the tears of frustration, before exhaling.

           It was embarrassing.

           Here I am, pretending to act like I have the slightest idea as to what I was doing.

           Acting as if I was totally fit for this role, which I wasn’t.

           The guard let himself in, kicking the door shut behind him with his heel. He walked forward with ease, his boots clicking louder the closer he got. The guard seemed at complete ease as if he has walked inside this room countless times over the years to help clean up ink spills.

           “Don’t be sorry, Imperial Consort. Everyone has those days, even Fire Lord Zuko.”

           I perked up at the mention of Zuko, the guard starting to section out the napkins to clean up the mess. “Fire Lord Zuko wouldn’t spill his ink two times in a row, in less than an hour time,” I mumbled under my breath, and the guard snorted at my statement.

           “Permission to speak freely?” The guard requested, and I tilted my head in surprise, nodding.

           “Please, do not tell him I told you this, but Fire Lord Zuko used to go through six vials a day after his coronation because he kept knocking it over. Six times a day, I would go to the supply room, and bring them to him. I learned after day two to just keep them on me at all times.”

           I laughed under my breath at the story, the guard laughing with me, his armour rumbling with joy recalling those times. He outstretched some napkins towards me, which I grabbed with a smile, the tension in my body easing.

           I could already picture it. Zuko getting all flustered, just like me, trying to clean up his mess just to do the whole process all over again. Six times exact.

            “Thank you…I needed to hear that.” I hummed, letting a towel soak up some of the ink I had just spilled. The guard nodded his head, shooting me a smile, “No problem, you know, Fire Lord Zuko would be proud of how much work you got done. It must be nice for him to know he can take a day off when he’s sick because he has you to trust.”

           I froze, looking at the pile the guard was referring to.

           A few papers were completed, my signature at the bottom of each document with the Fire Nation seal beside. But the papers weren’t anything grand in nature – simple stuff. Stuff I used to do all the time back at the Southern Water Tribe.

           The only difference was over here, there was a lot of more pointless rules and ‘expectations,’ down to the way you cross your t’s and dot your I’s.

           “I highly doubt that…Zuko would’ve finished all this way before lunchtime, and I’m not even close.” I huffed, and the guard shook his head. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, Imperial Consort. He talks about you all the time to me. Says he trust you with his life.”

           “He does?” I shyly questioned, accidentally dropping the napkin into a small puddle of ink, causing little droplets to fly over us. I apologized under my breath, but the guard looked entertained, not bothered in the slightest that black ink now stained his uniform.

           “Of course, in fact…I am a little guilty of taking advantage of it. Whenever he is in a sour mood, I point at you through the window, and he’s back to it.”

           I coloured, recalling Zuko admitting to me he sometimes catches my morning walks with Ursa and Kiyi in the gardens. But if he can see my morning walks, that means he also sees all the times I play with Kiyi out in the gardens, or when I read books to her beneath the cherry blossom trees. Yet he still asks me what I did during the day, listening as I rambled on and on…

           “Imperial Consort, do you wish for me to put these documents away in the reject folder?” The guard interjected, cutting my thoughts in half.

           My eyes narrowed, staring at the paperwork in question. I found myself jumbled. “The-the reject pile?” I repeated, making sure of the words the guards just spoke. He nodded his head, and I found myself stunned, “These papers were from this morning meeting, I need them still.” I spoke, and I noticed the way the guards face twisted in confusion, a look matching mine.

           He opened his mouth, almost afraid to talk, and I stopped wiping the table eagerly, more interested in the thoughts running through his mind

           “You may speak, don’t hold your tongue around me. I don’t bite.” I insisted, and the guard’s shoulders visibly eased, scratching his chin like Sokka or Aang.

           “It’s just that…I don’t see why you have these papers or how you got these. These are all rejected proposals; Fire Lord Zuko just keeps them for reference.”

           Rejects-

           “So, what you are saying is these papers, this funding – was never approved?” I gasped, running around the study to the guards’ side.

           The guard’s eyes widen in surprise, a pink blush coating his cheeks. Undoubtedly, taken aback by the way my hands fell over his arms. I didn’t even notice I did such an action, so caught up in the moment, it was a reflex.

           “N-no, Fire Lord Zuko would never approve of these figures. Taking money from smaller villages, he didn’t spend years fighting with the council to change those policies, just to go back on his promises.”

           That man- he set me up.

           “He-he tricked me. He wanted me to sign those papers.” I whispered under my breath, falling against the study in a state of shock.

           Zuko’s signature on these papers wasn’t for approvals, but his mark of denial.

           I knew Zuko would never approve of this, but the council didn’t think I knew Zuko well enough to know that. They think all I am to Zuko is a royal bedwarmer, that I don't know anything about him – the very thing Mai accused me of.

           “Imperial Consort, did I say something wrong?” the guard worried, his hands hovering over my body, unsure whether to support my resting figure. The poor guy thinks I almost passed out or something from this never-ending fever.

           I laughed under my breath, a wave of relief washing over me, “How can I be mad at someone who just saved me!” I enthused, and the guard looked more confused than ever. He looked around the room, scratching his chin as a low string of ‘uh’ and ‘oh’ left him.

           “I didn’t know you needed saving…I just offered to put away these documents.” The guard awkwardly said, and I rolled my eyes.

           “You don’t get it, this morning, a few members of the council wanted me to increase the funding for certain cities – and they fed me these papers. They tried to convince me that Zuko said okay to this in the past!”

           It was like someone lit a candle in the guard’s head, his eyes widening before he swore under his breath. “I can’t believe it- for years those greedy councilmembers tried to steal money. I’ve heard Fire Lord Zuko complain about this for months. They have this weird philosophy about the survival of the fittest – oppressing the weak and living off their ill-being.” The guard spat, huffing to himself in disgust.

           “They planted false papers to get their way, tried to take advantage of you. I can’t believe it- no wonder Ming told me to keep an eye out for you.”

           “Ming?” I repeated— the older woman from this morning and the meeting, the one with a warm smile. The guard nodded, walking back and forth in the office.

           “Yes, she told me this morning to keep an eye out. That she doesn’t trust some of the councilmembers. She can’t come here herself to help you – it’ll look suspicious on her end. I’ve known her for years; she’s a good woman. She spoke with Fire Lord Zuko a few days ago before he caught this cold, offered her help as well.”

           The warmth that enveloped in my heart, my hands falling over my chest in bliss.

           I knew it-

           I knew Zuko would never do such a thing. He may be a tough cookie, but he was still sweet, and his heart was in the right place. He didn’t spend every waking second in his life to turn against his Nation – his work was his source of pride and honour.

           “I don’t know how they got these papers, Imperial Consort, but you can’t approve of this funding. It goes against Fire Lord Zuko’s whole goal.” The guard pleaded, and I smiled, clasping my hands with his. “Don’t you worry, I never was going to approve of it. But knowing that I was right all along makes things a lot easier for me. Thank you for everything.” I gushed, and the guard nodded, before stifling in a laugh.

           “We still have a mess to clean.”

           “Gosh, I forgot about that…” I muttered under my breath, but a smile still sat on my face.

           A victory.

           Even if small, it was still a win in my books.

           For the first time today, I felt like I could breathe. Actually, enjoy the fresh air that came from the window and appreciate the sun that danced along my skin. I was no longer in a weird trance, entirely out of touch with the world around me.

           “I’ll be back; we let the ink settle into the wood. I think we need some heavy-duty cleaning stuff to help us.” The guard chuckled, and I bashfully nodded, realizing just how grand of a mess I made.

           I let my fingers dab and soak up the excess ink with whatever clean towels were left, the guard letting his used rags rest on the table. His suit jiggled as he lightly jogged towards the office door. He swung it open, but just as he stepped through the doorframe, I noticed the way he jumped back slightly, bowing deeply.

           I pouted, opening my mouth to speak up, but a rush a blue and green caught my eyes.

           “Yue!” The voices cried into my ears, their arms wrapping around my body, squeezing me between them. It took a few seconds to process the embrace, but more importantly, who it was.

           “S-Suki, Katara?” I gasped out in surprise, struggling to breathe between their hug.

           Katara pulled back, running her hands down my face with a large frown. “Ursa was right; you’re heating up. Aang, you should’ve dragged her to me!” She nagged, and right away, a voice of protest popped up from behind her. “I wanted to, but she insisted on working.”

           “Just as stubborn as Zuko.” I heard Toph grumble under her breath, although I failed to spot her, Katara and Suki taking up much of my view.

           “How are you feeling, Yue? You look like shit, no offence.” Suki proclaimed, poking my nose good-humouredly. Even though she wore her thick makeup, I spotted the way her eyes lit up, wrinkles forming around her eyes. That’s right, Aang lied to them. None of them have a single clue as to what I did.

           I swallowed hard, looking back and forth around the room, seeing Sokka and Aang sneak into the room. The door shut behind them, and while they talked and asked questions about my well-being, I couldn’t help but focus on their appearance.

           They all looked drained as if they were put through the wringer. But the look on Katara’s and Sokka’s face took the cake. I hadn’t seen any of them all day, only Katara in the morning when she rushed to Zuko’s side. Dark circles painted their tanned skin, their bright blue eyes not shining as bright as usual.

           I frowned, raising my hand to cup Katara’s face.

           She must have been healing this whole time, trying to help Zuko. If only I could be as great of a healer as Katara- “You look tired, Katara. Are you resting?” I whispered, and she scoffed.

           Her hand gripped mine, pushing it away as she once again pressed the back of her palm against my forehead. “I’m fine, Yue, we’re all fine. But you, not so much. Have you eaten lunch today?” I flushed under her gaze, shaking my head with a silent ‘no.’

           Sokka kissed his teeth, noticing he wandered from behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders. His touch had me wobbling, the weight of his hands on my shoulders feeling heavy. I felt weak – and I realized I was still leaning against the study as a form of support.

           “Princess, you look ill. We can talk later; I think you need to call it quits for today.”

           “Talk to me about what?” I asked, facing Sokka, Katara’s hand dropping from my face. He sighed, looking at the others for approval of some sort. “Sokka, let’s not do this now...” Katara warned, but Toph’s unamused tone triumphed them.

           “It’s about Zuko, Princess.”

           Katara twisted on her heel – anger flashing in her eyes at Toph’s nonchalant talking, but she wasn’t fazed at all. Toph’s blindness proved to work in her favour, already lounging on the office floor, resting her head on her palm, elbow on her knee.

           My heart started pounding, seeing the dark looks on everyone’s faces, “Is Zuko going to be okay? Aang told me he was going to be okay-” I panicked, and Suki quickly wrapped her arms around my shaking body, hushing into my ear.

           “Hey, he’s going to be just fine. It’s nothing bad, we promise.”

           A deep exhale left me, my eyes fluttering shut as I fell against Suki. “I just want him to be okay. That’s it.” I whimpered into her arms, and I felt Sokka rest his hand on my head, petting my hair. “Don’t worry, Princess, we got this. We just wanted to bring you up to speed.”

           “Did you learn anything new?” I questioned, pulling back from Suki’s embrace slightly. She still held me close to her frame, and Katara nodded. “Yue…did you know that Firebenders are resistant to poison?”

           My eyes narrowed, unable to form words. Resistant to poisons? How is that possible? “I-I had no clue-”

           “Me neither, I learned that today with the nurses. But that’s the thing, why try to kill the Fire Lord with poison, the very thing that Firebenders are immune? Sounds counter-intuitive, don’t you think?” I stared, trying to under what they were trying to get at.

           I saw the way Zuko struggled to breathe; he didn’t resist the poison at all. He was dying; I felt him slipping from right beneath my fingers. “I don’t get your point….”

           “Whoever did this was trying to target you, Princess,” Sokka said, and I faced him. “We know that already, Sokka. The tea was meant for me. But what does that have to do with Firebenders and poison? Zuko didn’t look like he was resisting the poison at all. He was gasping and struggling and-”

           Suki gripped my hands, noticing I was shaking, just picturing Zuko again. The mental image of Zuko in pain forever etched into my mind.

           “Exactly, Yue. Zuko wasn’t resisting the poison at first, and that got me curious.” Katara budded in, turning to face Aang. He walked forward, searching into his robe, before pulling out a tiny red pouch.

           “How is it possible, that Zuko, a powerful Firebender, almost died from poison, when Firebenders are supposedly resistant?” Katara spoke, taking the bag and tugging the strings. The contents of the pack fell into her palm, grounded bits of herbs, scattering her palm.

           I remember those herbs-

           “That was what was in the tea…” I gasped, and Katara nodded.

           “Zuko’s mom is a master botanist, a fact not too well-known in the kingdom. We asked her to look at these herbs and tell us what it was. And you know what she told us, Yue?” Aang spoke, and I shook my head.

           I loved plants, always wanted to be florist back when I lived in Earth Nation. Have my little flower garden with a family. But I lacked the resources to learn the technicalities of the field, let alone botany. “I-I don’t know…”

           “Ursa said the same thing.” Aang started, poking at the herbs with his pointer finger. “This – isn’t something we know. Someone created this herb, Ursa said it’s called cross-pollination. It’s an advanced technique; not even Ursa is comfortable with it anymore. But whoever did this, did so with the sole purpose of creating a poison so potent that it could kill a person in seconds, or disable a Firebender.”

           “Someone wanted you to die, Princess, and if given a chance, kill Zuko too. A two for one combo.” Toph snorted, blowing upwards and causing her bangs to fly upwards.

           Katara dumped the contents inside the pouch again, passing it back to Aang. “You were their main target, Zuko was just an after-thought.”

           “So, what you’re trying to tell me is the person in question is a botanist?”

           “It seems so, but when we interviewed the gardeners and florists, everyone came back clean. They don’t fit the bill.” Sokka exclaimed, “Suki and I went through every registered gardener and florist assigned to the kingdom, everyone had an alibi.”

           “Does this…does this have something to do with Yakone and Azula?” I whispered. Everyone’s looks darkened, Aang meeting my gaze. “We don’t know for certain...we don’t even know what their goal is besides destroying the United Nations. But if that was the case, wouldn’t it be easier to attack me?”

           Katara visibly tensed, looking back at Aang with a frown, “Don’t say that…”

           “But it’s true; their motives are unclear and-”

           “Sokka.” I budded, cutting off Aang. Everyone perked up at my voice, stepping forward as I paced back and forth. “You said you checked every gardener and florist registered with the kingdom, right,” I questioned, looking straight at Sokka.

           He nodded, watching how I stomped up and down the room. Katara sighed trying to reach forward, “Yue, you need to sit down, you look like you’re going to pass out-”

           “What about Mai?” I blurted.

           The looks on everyone’s faces dropped.

           I stopped pacing, a hand falling over my head the more and more I thought about it. “Mai’s sister, owns a flower shop, right? Zuko said she works for her sister, not for the kingdom. She isn’t a botanist, but she could’ve easily tricked her sister into creating something this deadly.”

           “Yue. I know Mai is Zuko’s ex-girlfriend, and you already think she’s guilty beforehand-” Sokka spoke, and my face turned red.

           “I’m not accusing her of something because she’s Zuko’s ex, Sokka! I’m saying it because we know she’s the snitch, and if we know she’s working with Azula, why would she be innocent of this?”

           Aang took a deep breath, shaking his head as he took a step back. The room was growing in tension, and I didn’t even notice the way Toph stood. “Princess is right. You guys let your personal feelings get in the way – yet again. She’s a prime suspect first, before a friend. She has all the tools, easy access in and out of the kingdom. She would’ve known that Princess gave Kima and Lia the morning off.”

           My face twisted to confusion, stepping forward, “Give Kima and Lia the morning off?” I repeated, and this time they all gazed at me like I was crazy. “I was told that Kima and Lia took the day off because something came up.” I blurted.

           “No…we have paperwork saying you gave them the morning off. You sent a guard with a note; we just asked Kima and Lia a few minutes ago when they arrived-”

           “Imperial Consort Ying Yue did not send me to deliver such a letter.” A voice spoke up, causing us all to jump.

           The guard who was helping me from before was holding some cleaning supplies, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed deeply. “S-sorry for interrupting, but Imperial Consort Ying Yue did not request me to send the letter.”

           “You sent the letter?” I asked, and the guard nodded.

           “Yes, last night, before they left. Countess Mai asked me to deliver that letter to your maids in your place.” His cheeks flushed slightly, uncomfortable by the number of stares he was receiving, but he maintained eye contact with myself.

           “I-I knew about the rumours about you and Countess Mai, b-budding heads, so I was surprised. But she said you two had some afternoon tea and worked your differences. That she will be your aid, as a symbol of goodwill. I’m sorry, what is this all about-”

           “Goodwill, my fucking ass.” I snarled, and just like that, I bolted.

           “Yue~!” Aang shouted, “Where are you going!?”

           “Nobody hurts Zuko and gets away with it.”

           I ignored their cries, shoving past the guard, the cleaning supplies spilling onto the ground. My hand gripped the door handle, swinging the door wide.

           Red, all I saw was red.

           My hands turned into fists, not caring about the stares I was receiving from the guards and servants. My hair was a mess, dress dirty from the ink stains from earlier today. I wasn’t even wearing my heels anymore, opting for a more comfortable footwear the moment I went into the study – proving useful at the moment.

           The gang’s voices seemed distant, as I ran down the red-coloured hallways. The sun was starting to set, blood pumping loudly in my ears.

           Mai.

           How I tried to be friends with you.

           How I tried to think well of you despite all the trash you spoke about me.

           You can hurt me as much as you like, but don’t you dare hurt the people I love.

           I turned the corner, noticing that the rooms of the kingdom were changing. The artwork was less grand, the doors no longer as tall – I’m in the noble’s quarters. A few people dressed in regal clothing stared at me, eyes narrowing in confusion as they saw the way I scanned the area like a madwoman.

           “Is there something you need, Imperial Consort Ying Yue?” a woman asked prudently, her eyes judging my appearance.

           I glared, stepping forward, “Where is Countess Mai.” I hissed.

           Her eyes widened, the people around her looking panicked, hearing my manic tone. She took a step back, her body trembling with fear as she watched the way my fingers twitched with anger. “I-I’ll call for her, um- MAI!”

           A scene started to unfold, more and more people leaving the comforts of their quarters to look at the commotion happening outside. But it was that sound. That bored, mono-toned voice that had chills running up my spine

           “What do you want?” Mai hissed, turning the corner of the hallway, a look of displeasure written on her face. Her cat-like eyes met mine, her figure stilling, and I forced a smile.

           “Your nose healed nicely.” I spat, and without a moment to spare, she ran.

           My knees bent, chasing at full speed.

           The way Mai moved with ease, turning the corner she just came from as I hastily struggled to catch up. The long gown I wore kept slowing me down, the guards reaching out for me hearing my heavy footsteps.

           “Imperial Consort, what are you doing-”

           “Give me this,” I shouted, grabbing the dagger attached to their hips as I ran past them.

           They couldn’t react fast enough, slipping through them like water in a desperate effort to not lose track of Mai. She knew the kingdom better than me, and she was taking full advantage of it.

           Her light-weight but fitted clothing gave her an edge, looking over her shoulder with a glare as she saw I was on her tail. Mai wasn’t stupid; she was a trained fighter – her lean physique and quick steps were the proof.

           I reached down hurriedly, yanking a large chunk of my dress in my hands, slicing the extra material off. The sound of expensive fabric being ripped to shreds would’ve had the royals crying. But the dead fabric dropping from my hands had me sighing in relief.

           My legs felt free, no longer under the tight constraints, or weighted down. Now I can fight. My pace quickened, pushing myself off the wall as she turned another sharp corner.

           “Give up; already, you think you can catch me?” Mai snarled, and my eyes widened. Her hands snuck up her sleeves for a brief moment, before flicking her wrist towards me.

           I gasped, the glistening look of the setting sun reflecting off metal had me darting to the side. I twisted my body and bumped ungracefully against the hallway wall. The feeling of a sharp piece of metal cutting my cheek had me flinching, noticing that Mai stood still for a moment with a broad grin.

           “You don’t know how good that felt.”

           “You poisoned the tea, didn’t you?” I shouted. Mai shrugged her shoulders, “I didn’t do anything. I just gave the tools necessary. That’s all.”

           “You almost killed Zuko.”

           Her eyes narrowed at my words, snickering under her breath, “If he died, it would’ve been your fault. I told you the moment you came here. You made a mistake.” She turned on her heel, picking up the pace, and I huffed.

           I flung myself forward, disregarding the pain that radiated up my body. I can’t go on for much longer; I’m too weak from this morning. But I have to do this- A large red door was at the end of the hallway, and I spotted the way Mai’s hand stretched forward.

           Oh no, you don’t- I twirled the small dagger in my hand, and with a grunt, rocked my arm forward.

           Mai’s fingers grazed the knob before the sound of metal slicing through wood had her swearing. Pieces of timber sparked, splinters flying in the air at the sheer impact of the dagger piercing the exit. Mai flinched, realizing what I had done – the door was jammed.

           “Fuck,” Mai swore under her breath, before jumping on her toes, the look of absolute anger evident. She looked to her side, and with an irritated grunt, dashed towards the only hallway available.

           It’s a dead-end, she’s going to have nowhere to go.

           My pace slowed, almost running into the blocked door, praying that no one was on the other side, because they were going to be stuck in there for a bit. I looked towards the hallway Mai ran down, half expecting her to be throwing a temper tantrum, realizing she has nowhere to go, another part anticipating her to put up a fight.

           But to my absolute horror and confusion - Mai was still running at full speed. My mouth dropped, face paling. It’s a dead-end besides a window, we’re on the second floor; she couldn’t possibly be thinking-

           The sound of glass shattering had people screaming in their rooms.

           It bounced off the wooden floors, tiny pieces flying in the hallway – some even cutting the paintings that hung nearby. The small shards created streams of rainbows throughout the corridor- as I watched in utter awe.

           Mai’s crazy.

           And if Mai weren’t the reason that Zuko was currently in the nurses' station, unconscious, I would’ve saluted her. A part of me had to scoff at the idea of Zuko and her in a relationship. No wonder they didn’t work out – you had two ruthless, stubborn warriors, neither of them willing to submit or show weakness no matter what.

           ‘Too many cooks in the kitchen’ – wise words Iroh.

           I groaned under my breath, forcing my legs to trek forward, flinching as my feet were still sore from the small cuts I received from early in the day. My hands reached out, leaning out the window, the smell of fresh air filling my nostrils.

           Where the fuck could she have gone?

           My eyes desperately scanned the area, the waterfall that Toph just fixed in full view. Glass littered the grass below, servants causing a ruckus about the mess, but I pushed back the random shrieks of shock because I couldn’t find the very thing I wanted.

           Where is she? I turned my head to the side, only to have my body lax for a moment,  a sarcastic laugh leaving my lips.

           This sneaky bitch.

           Mai smirked, realizing that I spotted her, running along the roof before sliding her way down to the garden below. The red shingles on the rooftop shook and dislodged with every step she took, despite her light actions, landing onto the soft grass with ease.

           I looked at the distance between me and the roof. I don’t have the momentum; I won’t make the jump. But…I do have this-

           Taking a deep breath, I raised my hands, feeling the movement of the water from the waterfall.

           The servants quickly adverted their attention from the glass to the low rumbling coming from the waterfall, realizing that the waterfall was no long sprouting water – but coming at full speed towards me. They moved to the side in fear, and I found myself stepping off the window sill, flinging myself over the edge.

           The feeling of weightlessness hit me, still very much swinging my arms above my head in a frantic effort for the water to come to me. Black spots started filling my vision at a higher intensity than ever before, a cold numbness overcoming my senses as my body begged for rest – even for a second.

           I’m using too much chi, but I don’t have much choice at the moment.

           My gestures became more agitated, and right before I hit the ground, my body was immersed by water. Shielding me from the fall, I tightened my hands into fists, the water around me conforming around my body as a thin sheet of ice, rolling along the grass.

           Mai’s eyes widened in astonishment, seeing me jump back to my feet, before making a mad break through the unmarked zone of the gardens. That zone was supposed to be blocked entirely - Zuko saying it was still under renovation at the moment, a summer project of his.

           I swallowed deeply, taking note of how substantial my breathing has gotten. No matter how profound I inhaled, I could feel my lungs screaming for air. I need a breather; I can’t go on for much longer. Hot sweat layered over my skin, body clammy from over-exhaustion, the beating sun not making matters any better. But I need to catch her – I can’t stop now.

           With a deep gulp, I willed myself to push forward through the greenery in search of Mai.

           The sound of grass crunching under our feet, our hands hysterically pushing the overgrown tree branches and bushes to the side as we struggled to see in front of us. The area was dark, the sunlight barely making it past the greenery, the air crisp.

           “Stop running, Mai!” I shouted in a pathetic attempt to stop this mad chase. Just maybe, maybe, she would listen. Spots started to fill my vision once again, the gaps between what was in front of me and the dark spots making it difficult to focus. I bit my lip as a means to center myself.

           I’m running out of time-

           My arm raised in front of me, the sound of metal lodging itself into my ice, stopping dead in my tracks. Ice shreds flattered off my arm at the impact, and I let out a sigh of relief, realizing I got her weapon in time. Her daggers can’t pierce my ice-

           I gasped out in pain, her long fingers yanking my hair from the side and jerking me towards her. It all happened so fast, not even realizing that she was already beside me in seconds, my hair in her grip.

           She pivoted on her heel, using all her force to raise her knee straight into my stomach. My eyes widened, ice melting temporarily at the sheer disbelief of the attack. The pain was unbelievable, a dry heave escaping me as I cried.

           The way Mai moved – it reminds me of Azula so much. And if that’s the case-

           I shrieked in agony as the grip on my locks didn’t loosen, feeling each strand pulling from my scalp, using it as a leash to pull me back towards her for another attack. My feet stumbled forward as I doubled over in pain, watching as she rose her free hand into the air with a dagger in hand.

           “This is your fault.” Mai hissed, and at that moment, I dug my shoulder into her stomach.

           I grabbed her hips with a low grunt, lifting her off her feet and throwing onto the ground. The hold on my hair loosened, the dagger Mai held in her hand, falling onto the grass beside us.

           Her head hit the dirt, with a loud thud, and I swirled my hands around me, sitting on her waist as I pinned her wrists. The water slithered onto her skin, freezing over her hands and solidifying itself with the dirt. Her eyes widen, trying to kick upwards, but the water caught her feet, forcing her back to the ground.

           “I caught you.” I panted in pain, sweat dripping off my forehead as a cold shiver ran up my body.

           My body was shaking, losing focus rapidly as I forced myself to continue bending. The need to have Mai pinned underneath me, unable to move an inch, was the only motivation keeping me alive.

           Mai’s face twisted in anger, struggling against her bonds, “You’re a fucking fool.”

           “Says the one who almost killed her ex-boyfriend after proclaiming that you love him.” I breathlessly criticized, causing her to roll those dark eyes.

           “You don’t get it, do you? The only reason Zuko almost died was because of you.” I narrowed my eyes at her words. Let it go, Yue, don’t entertain her.

           But-

           “What does that mean, Mai.”

           “It means if you want Zuko to be happy, to be safe, you’ll pack up your things and leave.”

           “You just want me out of the picture.”

           “Think whatever you want to. All this started the moment you arrived here. Zuko’s life wasn’t in danger until you showed up.”

           I froze at her words, and Mai laughed bitterly, seeing the expression on my face. Because despite all the bullshit she put me through, she was right. Zuko was safe before I entered the picture – everything seemingly ties back to me somehow.

           Could she-could Mai be telling me the truth?

           “Think about it. All this drama happened because of you. Everything ties back to you being a Bloodbender.” She spat.

           My eyes widened, fingers digging into her skin under the cast of ice wrapped around her joints. But she didn’t seem the slightest bit fazed by the pain.

           “You know nothing, Mai.” I heaved, struggling to keep myself up at this point. My body was screaming in pain, my eyes shutting close as I tried to keep awake. “But I do. That poison, the only way to save him would be through Bloodbending. Aren’t you the tiniest bit curious who Yakone is? Why he’s so interested in you – why he reminds you of your precious Mom?”

           “Shut up.” I cracked, fighting back the tears of frustration. Don’t let her get to you, Yue. She’s trying to mess you up, keep it together. A few more seconds before the gang finds you-

           “Admit it. It all comes down to you. If anyone gets hurt, it’s all your fault.”

           “N-no, I would never hurt the people I love-” I gulped.

           “But you already did. You almost killed Zuko- he would never love you.”

           “Zuko loves me-”

           “Loved you. Zuko would never love a monster like yourself. Not after everything you’ve done.”

           The sound of crackling made my eyes open wide and head twist to the side.

           A blue flash caught my attention, energy sizzling and buzzing loudly through the empty garden space. I saw the movement of fingers through the low-rise tree branches, amber eyes staring back at me. Shit-

           I melted the ice instantly, much to my relief, jumping off Mai as I dodged for cover. The wicked sound of electricity cutting through the air, hitting the trees behind me, setting them ablaze. The heat that emitted from the foliage was intense, my skin feeling sunburned even through my dress.

           “A-Azula.” I gasped in pain, unable to get off the ground.

           Mai effortlessly rolled her body, skipping back onto her feet as she breezed towards Azula. “I’m wet.” She grumbled under her breath, waving her long sleeves to emphasize her point. Azula snorted, at her friends' gesture, flicking her long black hair behind her shoulder.

           “You’re lucky I came to save you. It seemed that this wrench overpowered you.”

           “She got lucky,” Mai groused back, kicking her feet into the dirt in front of her. Her dagger flew into the air, her hand reaching forward and snapping it up effortlessly. “Well, might as well leave then. No point causing any more of a scene than we already have.”

           Mai nodded at Azula’s words.

           I tried to stand up, forcing my feet to move, but my body refused to listen. I can’t let them leave; I need to stop them.

           “Wait-” I whimpered under my breath, trying to reach out. My hands dug into the dirt, driving myself to stand on my feet once again, but my knees buckled, crashing back onto the ground. Azula didn’t bat an eye to my cry, ignoring my weak protest as she twisted on her heel and blended in with her surroundings.

           But I saw the way Mai stilled for a second.

           She gazed over her shoulder with a look that had me holding my breath. For the first time since I met her, she let down her tough exterior, her eyes no longer containing that spark of feistiness. All that was left was a look of sadness, hurt…and pain.

           So much pain.

           I tilted my head to the side, unable to utter a word seeing the expression on her face – and as if Mai realized that she revealing too much of herself to me, a scowl painted her pretty face.

           “Remember, Yue,” Mai whispered breathlessly. “If you really love Zuko – want the best for him. You know what to do.”

           She whipped her gaze away from mine, sprinting off into the greenery around us – and there I sat – forced to bask in Mai’s words in a pile of mud.

           Sitting alone, with nothing but the sounds of trees rustling, birds chirping, flames crackling I found my eyes fluttering shut. An endless pit of loneliness emerging from deep within.

           My fingers dug into the filth as I cried because I knew what I have to do.

              “Does my baby want some attention?”

           “Maybe…” I giggled, smiling naughtily as I let my hands play with the ends of Zuko’s hair. My legs were wrapped perfectly around Zuko’s waist, currently straddling him as he rested on the couch in our bedroom – in his reading corner.

           I could hear the book he was reading shut with a soft thud from behind me, tossing the novel onto the coffee table with all the other stories I stocked. Stories I knew Zuko would love to read during his spare time.

           Feeling his warm hands caress my hips, running up my back before finally falling on my jaw had my skin tingling. Butterflies in my stomach as I enjoyed his tender touches. The whole time Zuko bore a soft smile, his eyes in a dreamy daze as he studied my figure up and down.

           “You’re beautiful, you know that…” he mumbled under his breath, and I blushed at his words.

           He continued letting his fingers roam, thumb brushing my lips, rubbing my cheeks, and I couldn’t help but purr like a kitten. How I loved this. Zuko always took his time, never rushing, each touch, each caress, done with a particular intent.

           I didn’t even notice my eyes had fluttered shut until I heard Zuko’s deep chuckle once again, cheeks turning a dark hue of red. “S-sorry.” I blurted, realizing I was practically leaned into Zuko, our noses touching. But Zuko merely grinned, shaking his head, “You're needy.”

           “Just one kiss?” I pouted, and I saw the way Zuko rolled his eyes – trying his hardest to seem indifferent to the idea. But I still saw the way he licked his lips in delight, his eyes settling over my own.

           “What if I want two kisses, love?” Zuko teased, and I smiled, “Then I’ll give you three.”

           “And if I want four?”

           “Then you’ll get five.”

           “How about…a hundred kisses?”

           “Then you’ll get a hundred and one kisses.” I smugly retorted, and Zuko laughed.

           His chest rumbled underneath me, eyes squinting in delight at my silliness. His laugh was contagious, unable to stop my giggles from tumbling, our cheerfulness mixing.

           I’m so happy-

           “Yue, let me put a bandage on your cheek. It should heal within a day or two.” Katara hummed softly, leaning over my figure with outstretched fingers – pulling me out of my fantasy.

           Her touch was gentle, the stickiness of the bandage causing a slight itch on my skin where it stuck, reminding me of the dressing I had to wear on my jaw for a bit. “Thank you…” I muttered out tiredly, running a hand through my chaotic hair.

           I could hear the ruckus happening outside in the gardens through the opened window, already imagining everyone turning over every single pebble in that garden for any traces or clues. ‘Mai had all her shit packed, she was going to leave tonight,’ Sokka said before leaving Zuko’s study to help the others.

           A tired groan left my lips, rolling my head side to side to ease the tension in my shoulders. My eyes struggled to stay open, wanting nothing more but to slide into my warm bed, Zuko hugging me from behind-

           “Hey, did you ever find out what the Earth King wrote that was so important for Zuko to read?” Katara asked, catching my attention.

           My tired eyes opened a bit more, trying to appear alert as I saw the olive-green document in Katara’s hands. I shook my head, leaning over to take the neatly pre-opened envelope from her touch. Zuko never finished reading this letter; he decided to take me out for dinner instead.

           “I figured you would’ve read it; it seemed urgent,” Katara added.

           “You’re right; I should probably give it a read…” I whispered, letting the paper fall on my lap as I propped against the desk. A silence fell over us, both us trying to wrap our heads around what was happening.

           Mai set up the whole thing, and I saw the way the news hurt the team.

           They all looked wounded, their greatest fears coming alive. They knew Mai was the snitch, but seeing her running away, actually admitting guilt, was rubbing salt in the wound at this point. Why would you do this, Mai?

           Everyone says this is unlike you, yet here you are, doing exactly what you wouldn’t ever do.

           “Um, do you want to visit Zuko?” Katara said again, almost rushed, trying to fill the void with some sound. My body stiffened at the mention of Zuko, looking up at Katara like a lost child.

           “I-I-”

           “You haven’t seen him all day. I know it must be hard for you.”

           “I-It’s fine; I’ll-I’ll visit him tomorrow.” I blurted, shaking my head as I pushed myself off the table. I let my fingers play with the edges of the envelope in my hands, trying to look busy and distract myself from Mai’s haunting words.

           Zuko doesn’t love me anymore…

           She’s just trying to mess with you, Yue.

           But Mai has known Zuko her whole life. She probably knows Zuko better than I will ever. I’m an idiot for thinking that I was actually important-

           “You can visit Zuko now, Yue. I know you want to-”

           “I’m fine, Katara. I-” I stilled, no longer playing with the green folder in my hands to distract myself from my dark thoughts. Feeling the paper slide between my hands, grazing the Earth Nation wax seal jogged a whole new can of worms into my mind.

           My eyes widened, feeling my skin crawl- “Shit, I forgot! I have a meeting!” I gasped.

           My gut dropped, letting out a worn-out whine as I ran a hand through my hair.

           I looked out the window, noticing that the sun was starting to hide behind the tree-line, the moon ready to make an appearance in due time. But that means it must have started already, and now I’m going to be late, again.

           And that grumpy man is going to use that against me and say how useless I am and-

           “Yue. You can’t be serious?” Katara exclaimed, watching me bolt upwards and towards the study. I gave a mental thanks to the guard from early in the day, realizing he cleaned the desk despite me leaving the way I did. I need to thank him-

           “Ying Yue,” Katara growled, her hand yanking my shoulder back.

           I jumped at the aggressive shove, forcing me to face Katara. Her face was warped with fury, watching me as if I had eight heads. “What about Zuko?” Katara breathed, emphasizing each word.

           “What about him, Katara?” I snapped, swinging the documents in my hands into the air. “He’s out cold, because of me. Everything that happened today is because of me. Everything. The reason why Zuko almost died, the reason all this drama is happening, the reason why Zuko is drowning with all this council bullshit every day - it all leads back to me!” I cried in frustration.

           Katara’s face softened immediately, trying to reach forward to cradle me, but I stepped back. “You’re punishing yourself-” Katara realized, and I swallowed back a sob. “No, I’m doing Zuko a favour. He doesn’t want to see me, Katara. How could he after everything I’ve done?” I cried, pushing the folder tightly to my chest.

           Katara shook her head, her own eyes tearing, “Yue, Zuko loves you-”

           “Zuko loved me. Just-just drop it; I need to go.”

           “Yue, forget about the meeting-”

           “I can’t, Katara! It’s the only thing going somewhat right – the only thing I can give to Zuko when he wakes up. The least I could do for him.”

           “Yue-” I walked forward, the office door opening wide as I dashed out of the room.

           I ignored the cries of Katara behind me, blood rushing in my ears as I stormed down the hallway. The documents in my hands were crumbling under my death grip, furiously wiping the tears on my cheeks.

           This is the only thing I could do for Zuko – the only thing I managed to get right.

           The guards up ahead, safeguarding the throne room, saw my approaching figure, looks of disbelief etched into their faces. “Imperial Consort – the meeting was set almost an hour ago-”

           “Are they still in there, waiting?” I asked, and I saw the way the guard took in my appearance, mud stuck in my hair.

           “Y-yes-” they stuttered, and I nodded, “Good.”

           Not bothering to wait for the guards to open the door for me, I stormed inside.

           The doors swung open, slamming against the walls and catching the attention of the council in seconds. They all stood tall, eyes wide as they took in my appearance. “Oh my- Imperial Consort, are you alright?” A councilmember gulped in shock, and I ignored their inquiry, my eyes meeting that asshole.

           His face was stern, kissing his teeth as he studied my figure up and down in disgust. “You’re almost an hour late – and you come in looking like that.” He laughed bitterly; his two stupid minions amused by his joke. The councilmembers all shut their mouths, noticing the annoyance in my posture.

        ��  “How about you take a seat, Imperial Consort?” A member politely suggested, and I shook my head, forcing myself to smile at them.

           “I’m perfectly fine because I plan on making this meeting short. Increase of funding – denied.”

           The man's eyes widen at my statement, crashing his hands on the table. For a moment, I thought he was going to jump over the counter, lunging at my throat. “Bullshit. Why is it denied, you know Fire Lord Zuko approved of the documents previous years, you saw his signature-”

           “No. What I saw was three councilmembers manipulating and falsifying classified documents to trick myself, and the council, to believing that Fire Lord Zuko approved of such funding.”

           The colour drained from their faces, but more importantly, the grumpy man who started all of this.

           His mouth opened and closed, unable to utter a word in response, and the rest of the members looked at them in horror. I raised the papers in the air, tossing them onto the table, seeing the documents glide into messy piles.

           “What’s wrong, you thought that because I’m Imperial Consort that I just have to sleep with Fire Lord Zuko, like some glorified concubine? That I don’t have a backbone? A mind of my own?” I spat, and I saw the bead of sweat build on his brow.

           “Only a concubine would speak with such vulgar language.” He scowled.

           “Maybe so, but it seems to be the only way for your small brain to understand. Which leads me to my next point - you, and your accomplices, will be charged with treason.”

           “Y-you have no evidence-” I rolled my eyes, hands falling over my hips, “You sure about that? Because I currently have eight others who can vouch for me. So, let the real joy of this situation come to light.”

           Out of the corner of my eye, I saw smug smiles on everyone's faces, hearing me put these fools in their place. But more importantly, I noticed that warm smile on Ming’s face, a smile filled with pride.

           My back straightened, holding the Earth Nation document to my chest, “You were so eager to get rid of me. But you will not lose your roles as councilmembers until Fire Lord Zuko comes in power once again. So rather than waking up tomorrow, eager for Fire Lord Zuko to awake – you’re going to wish he doesn’t. Because as long as I’m in this position, you still have your job – you’re going to want me to be in charge from this point on.”

           All the didn’t bother trying to hide their growing grins, watching as three of the most hated members get scolded like school children – stripped of all power and authority.

           I raised my head high, clearing my throat, “Now that’s settled, meetings dismissed.”

           Turning on my heel, trying to look as confident as I possibly could with twigs in my hair, dress ripped in half and covered in mud and ink, I walked out of that room with my chin up. I could hear chairs being pushed back at my words, my lips tugging upwards.

           A few claps could be heard from behind me as I made my way out, and a tired laugh left me. The guards before me amusingly opened the door, sporting prideful grins as the light from the grand hallway flooded my vision.

           And the moment I stepped outside, ready to celebrate my victory – tears streamed down my face.

           I kept on marching forward, my sobs growing in intensity, eyes blood-shot as my shoulders shook every time I tried to hold back another cry. I couldn’t stop it, the way my legs wobbled, a hand covering my mouth to muffle the small whimpers that left my lips as I ran towards my bedroom.

           I hope I made Zuko proud for once.

           I hope that when Zuko wakes up, he smiles at me. I want him to hug me, pepper kisses all over my face, saying how well I did.

           But no matter what.

           Above all things - “I just want to keep you safe, make you happy.” I cried into my hands, “even if its not with me.”

Copyright © 2019 Mystic-Kitten, inc. all rights reserved. No reposting, modifying, or translations of any kind allowed. Thank you for your cooperation.

Disclaimer: I do not own any Avatar characters portrayed in this story besides Ying Yue Jiang, Lia, Kima, and any future creations.

❤ Buy me a coffee? ❤

[alleycat97]

Star Dust (1)

Warned y’all about the spam! This is an Au version of With Every Heartbeat! It’ll have a few parts!

f!Dakota x Mc (Sage)

Tag list: @samanthadalton @fundamentalromantic​ @kwaj05 @penda-bear @gay-dinosaur-banana-milk-carton @shows-simp-card @obsessedwithtragedy @stardustmountain @iamsimpforpoppy​ hmu for the tag or if you wanna be removed.

College graduation had arrived. That previous 4 years simultaneously flew by and drug on for Sage. She stayed local and went to Massachusetts, a decision she was grateful for. It hadn’t been the easiest journey since Dakota’s passing, but she was making it.

She had made new friends at school and kept her mind occupied on extra curricular’s. Sage still lingered around the topic of dating and Mateo and Lennox still called once in awhile, but life started to take over for all of them. However, there was still one time a year when Sage completely shut down and locked herself away from the world.

Dakota’s Anniversary. It happened to fall a day after her graduation and it really dampened her entire mood.

“Sage? You going to the big grad party tomorrow night?” Remi asked a very ill looking Sage.

“Remi!” Carson quietly hissed pulling the girl aside. “You know what tomorrow is.”

“Yeah? The big party?”

Carson sighed and made sure Sage wasn’t listening, “No! It’s the 4 year anniversary of her girlfriends passing. Every year she locks herself away and doesn’t talk to anyone. I guess she’s starting early.”

“Oh for goodness sakes, Sage!” Marley said stomping over from the kitchen. “You aren’t doing this again! This is our last big party before we all go our separate ways!”

“Marley!” Carson yelled at the bold statement.

“Stay out of it Carson. Stop playing peacemaker for her. We are all suite mates and I’m not going to let this negative vibe thing you got going on Sage keep ruining you.”

Sage kept still on the couch, not really listening, but just thinking back to her last day with Dakota. She saw Marley’s mouth moving but nothing was coming out.

“It was 4 years ago! Let it go! I know it still hurts but you’re just killing yourself. You grieved! It’s time to move on! She would want you to!”

“Ok Marley I think you said enough.” Remi stepped in with Carson.

Sage caught the last of Marley’s rant and it killed her to admit that she was right, so she simply met the eyes of her best friends and nodded that she would go.

The next night Carson kept close to Sage, trying to convince the girl it was ok to grieve and to stay home if she wanted. Sage pushed it aside and mainly sat at the bar all evening. Listening to her classmates hoop and holler, music thudding through her core.

She opted for the sparkling cider and mocktails because they were Dakota’s favorite. Alcohol wasn’t Sage’s friend and even it’s wicked power of mind erasing, Sage wasn’t into it. She just sipped her drinks and looked through her albums of her and Dakota, counting down to the exact time she had passed.

“Hey darlin? Wanna dance?” A preppy male voice called standing over Sage.

“Not interested.” She replied coldly.

“Come on sweet cheeks, let’s party!” He tried again.

“I said no.” Sage never looked his way. She wouldn’t give this guy the satisfaction of entertaining the idea.

“Hey doll!” The boy said snatching Sage’s phone, finally getting her attention.

“Give it back!” Sage hissed.

“Give me a kiss.” He laughed leaning down towards Sage.

“You’re drunk.” Sage backed away at the putrid odor.

“Awwww look guys! Is that you and your girlfriend?” He said looking at Sage’s Lock Screen. “You guys look like a couple of bald freaks!”

Sage snapped and smacked this goon so hard his head should have spun around. He shook off the hit and slammed the phone to the floor, shattering it into pieces.

“My phone!” Sage winced out before looking back to the goon who decided to throw a punch towards Sage that connected below her eye. It was a weak throw, mainly due to his inebriated state, but it still hurt and Sage, trying not to tumble and cry, found her foot resting firmly between the goons legs, sending him to the floor.

“Sage!” The girls come rushing over after the commotion, “Are you alright?”

“My phone....” She whimpered trying to collect the pieces.

Carson and the girls helped pick up the pieces and they apologized to Sage over and over while leaving.

“Hey! Wait up ladies!” A man called out catching them outside.

“Listen, tell your friend we will sue if he tries anything else, my dad is a lawyer. Hell, he will be hearing from him anyway for hitting Sage.” Marley barked out getting in the guys face.

“Easy easy. I’m just here to give her this.” The man extended Marley a roll of cash.

“This is $2500?” Marley spoke.

“Yeah. Some to get a new phone and the rest is just to say sorry. Don’t worry we took it from his wallet. It’s the least we could do.”

“Well. Thanks, now scram.” Marley hissed waving her hand in annoyance.

The suite mates made it home and Sage locked herself in her room. She looked at her luggage in the corner all ready to go and then to her smashed phone. This was Dakota’s night and she couldn’t even relive her memories through her phone. Stupid jerk she thought. $2500 wasn’t near enough to fix the emotional strain he caused.

Sage figured there was nothing left at school now, she graduated and it was best if she left as soon as possible. She had to get back to Boston to see Dakota.

She checked her watch, it was late but she didn’t care. She wrote up three farewell notes to each suite mate, thanking them for their awesome four years and wished them good luck. She heard the suite go quiet and taped the notes to their doors and took her luggage with her. It took a trip or two to load her car but she got it without waking anyone.

The road late at night was calm and peaceful. It was just her and her thoughts. She could finally mourn Dakota without interruption. But her eye continued to swell and bother her so she took some minor pain meds as she fought the pain and sleeping urge.

It was a longer drive than she recalled, most likely the dark and her sleep deprived body made it seem that way, but the sign for the cemetery perked her up even more as drew closer to the city. The closer she got to Dakota the more at peace she felt, she found herself closing her eyes behind the wheel soaking up the feeling of her lover.

She was in her own world now, a world she learned to tap into just for herself and Dakota. It was just them and no one else. She was so in tune to it, she never knew a drunk driver swerved over the line and hit her head on.

The transition was seamless, she was with Dakota in her own happiness.

“I’m afraid I have to go now.” Dakota spoke slowly disappearing.

“Dakota wait! I’m not ready to go yet!” Sage cried watching her girlfriend leave once again.

“It’s ok Sage, just wake up.”

Sage opened her eyes and found herself standing outside of the graveyard. It was daytime now, and she kept hearing her name.

“Sage!!!!” It sounded like Mateo. So she followed the voice.

“Sagggggge!!!” Now that was Lennox.

Sage smiled at the realization, “Ok guys, very funny.” Sage looked around but still couldn’t find the two voices.

Instead, a dark figured man appeared behind her, scaring the daylights out of her.

“Ok, this isn’t funny anymore. Who are you?” She said cowering away.

“I’m death Ms. Woods.”

“Death? But I’m not dead!?”

The man came closer and took her by the arm, opening up a portal with two paths, “Pick one.”

Sage pointed to the one on the right first, drawing her into a funeral in session.

The entire city looked to be there. As well as her mother and The Winchester’s. A funeral that seemed like Deja vu.

“Why did you bring me back to Dakota’s funeral?” Sage questioned.

“Look closer.” Death spoke.

Sage heard Mateo and Lennox calling her name like before and watched them this time. They weren’t trying to scare her, they were mourning her. As she focused on the tombstone, the name was her own, Sage Woods.

“That’s impossible! I can’t be dead!? How can I be dead?”

Death opened the portal and took her to the image on the left, “You were suppose to select this one first, like a book? Left to right.”

“Excuse me for not being very literate right now.” Sage yelled as she was brought to her car crash.

“Watch.” Death spoke pointing to her car.

Sage watched in awe as she saw her soul leave the car and rise to the clouds. “So if that’s my soul? Why am I here with you?”

“Why do you kids always ask so many questions? Look you’re dead and I’m showing you it’s true. Now I’m here to bring you to the afterlife.”

At the snap of his fingers, Sage found herself on a cloud outside of a great city in the distance. There was a gate and a man and a woman. One dressed in black and the other in white. Angel and a demon perhaps?

“Welcome home Ms. Woods. I’m Archangel Pariah and this is Demon Mezaya.” Then man spoke, “Here are your clothes.”

“Wait? Why are they gray?” Sage asked.

“You child, are an unclaimed. Unclaimed are typically mortals who end up here and have to earn their right to be a demon or angel.” Mezaya spoke.

“Up the path, the road splits into two paths, stay to the left. It is for the unclaimed. The other road leads you to the citadel.” Pariah said opening the gate.

“And what’s in the citadel?” Sage asked.

“When you are chosen to be an angel or demon, the citadel is an oasis for your own personal heaven. You can create your own and intermingle between others and their heavens.” Pariah added.

Sage kept on the correct path and ended up in a smallish town like place. It was cute and quaint, definitely old, but beautiful. There was hardly anyone about, but something was calling her to a building in the center of the town.

It was a feeling she couldn’t describe, it just felt right, it felt like...Dakota.

Sage entered the building revealing it to be a restaurant jam packed with unclaimed and a few angels and demons. And just like the new cowboy in town, as soon as she entered, the music stopped and all eyes where drawn to her.

A cup falling and shattering made Sage look at the source and came face to face with...

“Dakota.”

[keichanz]

Sneak

hey @heavenin--hell​ remember when i said i wanted to write something about that cute Inukag fanart you drew?

welp. i did the thing ;lajdfajfadjkfaldalf 

came out a little longer than intended (big shocker there i know pfftt) no seriously i wanted to keep this short and sweet without so much detail in between, but then my stupid brain went “oh Idea™” and then this happened. whoops. 

anyway i hope you enjoy this little ditty that your amazing fanart inspired! <3 i love your art so much please never stop i will cry if you do okay not really but still it’s awesome lol

unedited because it’s late and i’m lazy.

“Inuyasha, dinner’s ready!”

Satisfied the hanyou would heed her call and come running at the promise of food, a smiling Kagome ducked back inside her little hut and bustled about, cleaning up a bit of the clutter and retrieving some dishes for their meal as she waited for her ever constant companion. She was confident he would hear her wherever he was in the village, although she suspected he wasn’t that far away. It was something she’d learned earlier on after her return; Inuyasha was never too far away, and though he may be out of sight, she knew he was reluctant to put much distance between them, and she felt the same exact way.

Setting the wooden serving tray on the floor before the fire, a beautiful housewarming gift from Miroku and Sango when she’d officially “moved in” into the hut that had previously belonged to a now deceased elderly man, Kagome sat back and stared thoughtfully into the fire, still smiling as she took a moment to think back on all that had happened since her return nearly four months ago.

Never in all of her life could Kagome have ever possibly imagined she’d be as happy as she was right now without any of the modern conveniences she’d grown up with. If someone had told her before she’d fallen down the well on her fifteenth birthday that three years from now she’d be living with no hot water or plumbing and call it paradise, she’d think them gone completely daft.  Someone like her? Whose favorite pastime was taking hot baths living without hot water and being happy about it? Get real!

But then, as fate would hate it, funnily enough this was her paradise. Breathing in the fresh, clean open air, having her friends that were as close as family here with her, and sharing it all with the man she loved. It all sounded too good to be true, and sometimes Kagome did wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, fearing that her nightmares were a reality and she was still trapped in the darkness, never to see her friends or Inuyasha again.

But then strong arms, familiar arms, surrounded her in a comforting embrace as a low voice rumbled assurances in her ear and she was able to breathe once more as blessed reality came rushing back. She’d cling to him, crying her relief, and he’d hold her tight, whispering to her, telling her everything was alright much as he had her first day back.

It was a day Kagome often thought back on with a fond smile, because not only was it the point in which her life changed forever, but it was also when she realized her hanyou wasn’t the same stubborn, temperamental boy she’d involuntary left behind three years ago. They’d all be in Kaede’s hut, celebrating her return and swapping stories of how their lives have gone thus far when, her emotions finally catching up to her, Kagome had without any warning completely broken down. Her entire body had shaken with heart wrenching sobs, her face was wet with endless tears, and no matter how hard she’d tried, she couldn’t stop.

Her relief had been so intense, her joy of being reunited with those she loved most was so great, so incredibly strong she’d been unable to contain it and it had overflowed in the form of relentless crying. She’d been unable to answer Miroku and Sango’s concerned questions, only managing a stuttered apology, but then, surprising everyone in the room, Inuyasha had wordlessly stood up, settled himself beside her, and then scooped her up into his arms before cradling her in his lap, holding her as she broke apart.

Kagome had clung to him desperately, not even bothering to question his very uncharacteristic display of affection. When she’d calmed down enough where she wasn’t a total mess, she’d turned around, held out her arms to the friends that she’d missed so much, and for the next few minutes the five of them had simply held one another, rejoicing in their loved one’s permanent return.

And then the twins, wanting in on all the affection too, had joined in, Kagome laughed, and the atmosphere considerably lightened. She’d gotten introduced to Miroku and Sango’s children then, immediately bonding and falling in love with them, and they’d been able to fall back into conversation like she’d never even left, comfortable, easy, familiar.

The entire time she’d remained seated in Inuyasha’s lap with his arms draped loosely around her and they’d looked so happy no one had the thought to tease them about it.

Kagome blushed, remembering how she’d slept through the night in his arms. She was extremely pleased to say that their relationship had grown by leaps and bounds and while neither of them had truly confessed their feelings yet, they were no stranger to physical intimacy. It wasn’t anything serious yet – just mainly hugging and a few chaste kisses here and there – but Kagome was happy with where things stood between them. There was no rush, after all; she was here to stay and they had all the time in the world now that they didn’t have some great evil looming above their heads twenty-four seven.

Her blush deepened and despite herself a giggle erupted from her mouth before she could stifle it. Well, she wasn’t in a rush at least. While Inuyasha hadn’t pushed her for anything or even hinted that he wanted more, he had been the one to kiss her first, just a few short days after her return. It had been slow, gentle, incredibly sweet, and he’d simply held her afterward, claiming that he’d wasted enough time with her before being an immature, emotionally stunted asshole – his words, not hers, and her laugh had made him grin – and he didn’t want to wait anymore to show her he wanted to be with her.

Kagome had been able to do nothing but drag him in for another kiss but he’d heard her message loud and clear. Ever since then, every once in a while Kagome was able to surprise him by brushing a soft kiss to his lips, but more often than not it was that devilish man that liked to catch her off guard by sweeping her into a kiss without warning and she knew he only did it because he thought the heavily blushing and flustered state he left her in was funny as hell.

Despite this, however, and even though she did often chase the cackling hanyou through the village while shouting various threats of dismemberment, she never asked him to stop.

She did have to admit, however, with that familiar fluttering sensation in her tummy, that it was getting increasingly more difficult to resist the urge to either crawl into his lap at night, or ask him to join her in bed. Not because she wanted to tempt him or take their relationship to the next level, but because she wanted him to hold her as she fell asleep, to be surrounded by his warmth in the hopes that perhaps he would be able to chase the nightmares away.

Kagome suddenly bit her lip in thought and glanced toward the futon, her flush deepening at the direction her thoughts had inadvertently taken, however the small smile that curved her mouth was cautiously hopeful. Maybe…maybe it was time she finally stopped pussyfooting around her feelings and asked him to join her. Hell, maybe she’d even do it tonight. He practically lived here anyway; it’s where he ate, slept, and Kagome didn’t want him to feel like he had to sit sleeping against the wall in his own home when the futon was plenty big enough for both of them—a generous gift from Kaede who’d handed it over with a knowing smile that Kagome hadn’t understood at the time.

Now, though… Kagome sighed and shook her head with a chuckle. The old woman always had been rather perceptive and rather sly, to boot. She sent a silent word of thanks to her dear friend, her decision made. Yes, this was their home, Kagome loved it, and though he occasionally complained that it smelled like old man, she knew he liked it, too.

A giddy sense of excitement welled up inside her and Kagome released a few girlish giggles, allowing herself just a brief moment ridiculousness as she squirmed about where she sat, her face flushed, but her smile bright. She was fairly certain Inuyasha would agree; even if he hadn’t said it in so many words, she knew he cared for her – perhaps even loved her – and really, it wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before, except only this time it wouldn’t be because he was comforting her from another nightmare.

Kagome sighed wistfully, then frowned, gaze swinging toward the door. Speaking of which, where was that man? He should have been here by now.

Getting to her feet, she ambled over to the door and swept aside the reed mat. “Inuyasha? Dinner’s ready.” A pause. “Inuyasha?”

When still she heard nothing but the gentle breeze rustling the trees and saw neither hide nor hair of her hanyou, Kagome sighed and ventured out to go find him. It was possible he was taking a quick dunk in the river to wash off the dirt and sweat of the day, or he could be entertaining the twins at Miroku and Sango’s. He had a soft spot for those girls and they adored him in return, and watching them interact never failed to bring a smile to her face.

Kagome smiled and absentmindedly put a hand over her stomach, biting her lip as she imagined it round with their child. Though it was true she was in no rush in terms of their relationship, she would like to get there someday, and she hoped Inuyasha felt similarly. Of course, knowing her hanyou like she did, she also understood it could be a very long time until he felt ready enough to cross that step, but she was content to wait for however long he needed.

She just really hoped he wouldn’t make her wait too long.

Inwardly snorting but with a little smile curling her lips, Kagome started towards their friends’ house – even if he wasn’t there, they might have a clue as to where he is – however, she’d only taken just a few steps before she spotted the very person she’d been intent on searching for.

Cradled in the roots of his favorite lounging tree, relaxed and utterly dead to the world, Inuyasha hadn’t heard her because he was indulging in one of his recent favorite pastimes, hands behind his head and even snoring lightly. The damp hair and open kosode and suikan suggested he had indeed taken a brief dip into the river before deciding to take a nap and Kagome crept a little closer, being careful not to wake him.

Her expression softened and she knelt down, crossing her arms over her bent knees as she regarded him with a loving smile. If someone had told her three years ago that Inuyasha was napping somewhere, completely oblivious to everything, she wouldn’t have believed them. She’d known him to always be restless with pent up energy, unable to sit down and do nothing while Naraku was still out there destroying lives and collecting Shikon jewel shards. So to see him like this now, so peaceful and without a worry in the world, it was truly refreshing and a sight to savor.

She couldn’t really blame him for developing a fondness for naps. Before they had never had any time to just sit down and rest, to kick back and relax because there had always been a new enemy to fight, a shard to find and purify, and napping was damned near impossible when there was a despicably evil demon constantly looming over their heads, power hungry and hell bent on their destruction.

But now that Naraku was gone, they didn’t have to worry about any of that. They could finally just breathe, take naps, sit down and smell the damn roses and hell, have a freaking cup of tea while they were at it. The point was, they had the time now, and Kagome didn’t blame Inuyasha one bit for taking advantage of it when he could.

As a matter of fact, it was awfully temping to join him in peaceful slumber, to snuggle up against him and doze off for a while, but dinner was over the fire at home and she didn’t want it to spoil. She bit her lip as she stared at him, tilting her head to the side in thought, and then smiled.

She knew exactly how to wake him. She didn’t get this rare opportunity often and she didn’t want it to go to waste.

Fighting back the urge to giggle as she oh so slowly inched closer, Kagome managed to prop herself up over him without, miracle of miracles, waking him up and she was smiling broadly now as he hovered her face above his own. He slept on, none the wiser, and biting down on her lip to stifle a giggle that welled up, Kagome started to lean down—

It happened so fast Kagome couldn’t even draw in the breath to gasp. One second she was leaning in to wake him up via tender kiss, and the next Inuyasha had captured her mouth in a heated kiss that had her toes curling and something warm to pool in the pit of her belly. This kiss was different from all the others they’d shared; this one was slow, languid, and incredibly hot, his tongue slipping past her parted lips for a deeper, more thorough taste.

Then suddenly it was over as quickly as it had begun and Inuyasha lied back, his eyes still closed, but the smirk that curved his mouth upward as she sputtered and blushed above him was all kinds of satisfied male arrogance.

With an inarticulate noise of flustered embarrassment echoing in her throat, Kagome flopped down against him and buried her hot face in his shoulder as he chuckled beneath her.

“It was a good try, Kagome,” he rumbled, his smirk widening at her muffled shut up. “I heard you leaving our home and coming this way, but…”

“Shut up,” Kagome repeated in a peevish mutter and weakly slapped his chest, wondering if her burning face would ever return back to normal. Probably not.

“Ten outta ten effort,” Inuyasha continued and laughed at Kagome’s audible groan. “I already told you, wench.” He turned his head and he felt her shiver as he growled in her ear.

“You can’t sneak up on me.”

did you like what you read? please consider buying me a coffee to support me! c:

[benmcm18]

Group 7 Independent Project!

Pre Production -

This is the second time I’m working with Group 7. It is truly an honour to be surrounded by such talented people. We have learnt from last time and we thought it would be interesting to switch up the roles. Here was what we ended up with:

Director - Jack

Cinematographer - Bonnie

Producer - Heather

Production Design - Ben

Editor - Heather

Writer - Tom

Here were also the tasks we sorted ourselves:

Write a 1-page proposal (synopsis and directors statement) - JACK (13th May)

Make the movie - Jack

Make a plan and a schedule for your work - Heather

Create a mood board (Each character) - Ben

Create a sonic world for the film (no dialogue / no voice-over) - Heather and Ben

Cut together a series of still images or sequences of footage to create a 2min film - Heather

Record some sound effects using objects you have in your room/ house - you can record on your phone. - Heather and Ben

Source and use sound effects and Atmos sound on Freesound. - Tom

Make a storyboard + animatic - Bonnie

Source footage - eg shoot, take stills, source stills, or work with stock footage from Film Supply to envision your idea - Bonnie

Shot list - Bonnie

Scriptwriting and development - Tom

Present it at the crit - receive feedback - Everyone

Write a short critical reflection on your blog. - Everyone

Songs - Everyone

As Production designer I had to create a mood board. We had discussed in meetings what aesthetic we wanted to go for and I believe we ended up with a mixture between films like “Moonrise Kingdom” and “Fight Club”. Either way, these were two of the films I took inspiration from when working on the mood board of the film.

Additionally, I had to think of the costume for both actors. For the man I chose to instead of having major differences in the two separate costumes to instead change them subtly to give a feeling he is still grounded in reality. So that means I added the glasses, changed the tie and gave him a watch to switch up how he looked. The Imagination costume is inspired from Ewan MacGregor’s character in “Big Fish'' we wanted to give him a full blue costume originally but I realised fairly soon that that wasn’t going to happen. So I adapted and decided to use his ties as a means of stating which reality he was in. When he is in the “dream world” he has a very colourful yellow tie but when he returns to his office I believe we went with a black/red tie.

For the woman, I chose to give her a very colourful look. This was purely so she could match the imagination around her. I discussed with Bonnie about possibly putting flowers in her hair but for some reason we couldn’t find anything. In regards to the rest of her costume I gave her shades so that there would be a physical separation between the two. If he can’t make eye contact with her how is he supposed to connect.

Overall, I’m very happy with the costumes and for a first attempt I’m actually quite proud.

Finally, set design. I had recently worked on a project called “Pied” where I had to create a whole set for my actors. That was pretty much my crash course for this independent project. Using the knowledge I can gain from creating that set I tried implementing it into the office workspace and the picnic arrangement. I’m happy with it but it will honestly be down to you to decide if I did a good job. If I could mention any little “fun facts” about what I did here would be a few:

I used a ping-pong table as the walls splitting the workspace

I tried spreading the food along the picnic like a wall that separated the two of them.

There is a jar of pickles in one of the shots. I don’t know who would bring a jar of pickles to a picnic but I thought it would be funny

On the back wall of the office there is a bunch of hidden Easter eggs *HOWEVER* David’s massive head covers them up!

In regards to how the other team members did. We developed the script ideas until we landed on this one. Jack had a great idea about filming some really nice shots of food. We were actually quite a big fan of this idea. I just thought Heather’s idea would allow us to experiment more.

Tom then wrote a (very) detailed script in collaboration with Heather, Bonnie drew a genuinely fantastic storyboard (she is too hard on herself haha) and Jack prepared for the shoot. One issue that presented itself fairly soon was the fact we had two actors on set. However, our Producer (Heather) handled it like a pro and we managed to get the all clear. Overall, a very hardworking start with the promise of Bonnie doing a short animation for the storyboard. (I’m looking forward to hopefully seeing it)

Production -

The shoot day was very fun. We all arrived at 11:30am and we made our way over to the location. Originally, we had planned to film on top of a hill however, things quickly changed and Jack said there was a fantastic path to film on. I was fairly set on the hill idea (As I had imagined the scene being somewhat similar to the UP opening montage) but he said it was a better location and I trust him.

So this is where it got a bit funky. It turns out the location had been converted into a dirt road since the last time Jack had been there. This was a bit demoralising as we had carried a lot of props out but luckily we had seen a location closer to the beach that could possibly work and the rest was history. That very location near the beach ended up where we would film.

With Jack directing and myself on camera we began to make our way through the storyboard Bonnie had devised. I have to be honest there were parts where we deviated from what was on the storyboard: For example, there is a section where he falls over however it didn’t look natural so we thought of another way to film it. This was where I got a bit carried away with VFX. In the long run I’m pretty sure everyone is happy with it but I wasn’t too sure at the time.

Jack did well as a director, he worked well with David and Kady especially when it came to movements of the actors. There isn’t any dialogue in the scenes so it's mainly physical language instead of verbal. My only advice for Jack would be to do a bit more research on the project before going onto the shoot because there were parts of the shoot where actors would ask questions about their character and I wasn’t confident he knew the answer.

In regards to me, I find it very hard to create something someone else envisions because I’m used to directing and filming projects on my own. I definitely think I improved on this project and having the storyboard and detailed script was a big help. I also felt I should have been more prepared as it didn’t look very good in front of the actors with me fiddling around with the camera because I had set it up in the wrong position.

Overall, I think it was a very fun shoot and it went pretty smoothly. You're going to hit speed bumps on the way but I believe Jack and I handled them well.

Oh also, forgot to mention that I had to also record sound and label all the audio and footage for Heather (why do I almost call you Clair XD) It didn’t take as long as I expected and was actually somewhat therapeutic if you can believe haha.

Post-Production -

The post production process has been going well. We have plenty of time until the deadline and we have already got a very solid draft edit so I’m not worried. I just kind of want to get it finished.

First and foremost, Heather has been doing a fantastic job editing the video. She works efficiently, takes feedback on board and seems to me to have a very solid feel on the fundamentals of editing. Looking at the edit now, there are definite issues but nothing that can’t be solved in 10 minutes. It’s clean, fluid and most of all enjoyable to watch. I’m worried without a synopsis people might not get it but I guess you could see it as “up for interpretation” haha!

Before I talk about my role in the Post-Production process, I just want to mention who else is working on the edit as well. Bonnie is planning on adding some very small animations to the edit to give it that feeling of “not-reality” I think this is crucial because without the animation in the shots. When the man defies the laws of physics it will seem really strange. I believe Tom is doing sound, I’ve supplied them with plenty of audio from on set and am free at anytime to get more for them so it will just be down to when it is completed, I have faith that Tom will create something really special with the Sound design as he will probably blend the sound of the surrounding nature with cold office sounds. I’m excited.

Now onto the part I play. I offered to do the VFX for the film and I’m very happy with them. It’s nothing incredibly tedious to create. It’s very basic motion tracking and keyframing but I think using it in small doses works well and with it accompanied by the animation and sound it will take the film to new levels of quality.

I’m just going to talk about the final VFX shot as it was the most challenging (but fun) part to work on. First, I had to figure out how I was going to get the image of Kady onto the wall without printing her because I realised I would be able to match up the shots if I had just zoomed out from an actual image. So I went for a bit of green paper. I motioned tracked it through After Effects and then played with the colour so it matched the scene. I then added an artificial zoom in Premiere and I got the final result. Now, it is not perfect in any means. I wasn’t able to track back any further than I did so the image in the paper actually moves but with the help of Heather and the use of changing aspect ratios I think it really works. I guess we will have to see how people respond.

So that is about everything on the project. I will be back to reflect next month on the finished project. Hopefully it turns out okay. Hopefully, it doesn’t turn into a train wreck. I’m sure it won’t :)

[novelnerdqueers]

A Pirates Life (For Us)

So we just finished another (slightly shorter) writing project that we thought we would share on here as well. Now this one is an Intrulogical pirate AU with a few other familiar faces but this one will mainly have OC’s as side characters. So here’s a little summary for you. 

Logan is a formidable pirate captain, feared by any who cross him. Anyone who's heard his name knows far better than to cross into his territory, but what happens when a mere merchant vessel accidentally crosses over right into Logan's path? Follow the story of Remus, a small scraggly man with a much darker past than you'd predict at first glance as he and Logan clash personalities in a way neither man has ever experienced before.

If this little teaser has gotten you interested you can start reading chapter 1 which will be right below or you can also follow it on AO3 right here at this link. For this novel we will be uploading it once a week so tune in regularly for updates. 

Next chapter

Chapter 1

“Captain! Storms rollin in,” came a voice from the other side of the solid wooden door of Logan’s cabin. Logan rolled over and slipped on his boots and coat, he groaned as he stretched his back, walking over to the door and opening it to peer out onto the deck. 

“Mornin, Cap’n, the storm don’t seem too bad yet, but we thought you should be made awares,” one of the younger crew members spoke, waiting for a nod of confirmation from Logan before he skidded away to one of the sails to help take it down. Logan watched him go, shaking his head and moving towards the bow of the ship to take his position by the navigator. 

“Good morning, Zaid,” Logan spoke once he observed that the navigator was already up and working. 

“Mornin, Captain,” Zaid replied, his lip caught between his teeth as he looked over the map in front of him. “We’re on course, everything seems fine for now, but some of the others were saying they saw a ship on our territory.” 

Logan huffed in exasperation, looking over the waters around them. They were moving steadily through calm waters though the clouds behind them rolled dark with the impending storm. To the East of their current position, Logan could see what appeared to be the outline of another ship. He sneered at this and turned his attention towards the navigator. “Change our course to intercept that ship.” 

“With all due respect sir, if we do that we risk getting stuck in the storm instead of skirting around it,” Zaid returned respectfully. 

“Did I ask for your opinion?” Logan glared at him, the navigator shrinking upon himself under the flare of the captain’s eyes. “You act as if you’ve never seen a storm before, from the look of that cloud formation it should only be a steady rainfall. I think you princesses can handle getting wet,” he spits out before turning back to head to his quarters. 

Zaid grimaced at the form of Logan leaving and shook his head. Nonetheless, he proceeded to bark orders to the men on deck who scattered to attend the sails to direct them on their new course. 

It wasn’t long before they’d approached the neighbouring ship and as soon as they were close enough for it to be more than an outline, it was clear that this ship wasn’t a threat and that Logan was going to have an absolute field day. 

The crew boarded the ship and called Logan, the captain sauntering over one of the planks and rather eloquently jumping down onto the deck. With his sword in hand, he stepped forward. “Which one of you is responsible for this vessel?” he called out, his voice despite being soft holding a far more sinister tone.

For a moment there was only a murmur among the men standing before him. Then an older gentleman stepped forward, rather cautiously. “I am in charge of these men and the provisions we carry. We are but a humble merchant vessel and we mean no threat.” The man tried to speak with an even tone but there was a faint tremble to his words and his posture was one of distinct fear. 

Logan smirked, “Oh, good. You’ll be no trouble at all then,” he grinned, letting out a faint chuckle before he raised his head again. “Why the fuck are you on my territory? The only people usually stupid enough to do that are pirates mistaken when they think they have a chance.” he spat snarkily. “Everyone knows they all end up in the same place,” he added, pointing down at the ocean’s bubbling waters swirling at the side of the ship.

There was a collective shudder among the crew of the vessel as they stared at each other helplessly. The man who had spoken up was shocked into silence, unable to respond. A younger man next him decided to speak next. “Sir, it… it was an accident. We were set off course at the sight of the approaching storm and we didn’t realize we had crossed into pirate territory…” 

Logan pouted condescendingly, clearly making fun of their predicament. “Well, that isn’t my problem,” he scoffed, running his finger along the edge of his sword and then drawing his eyes back to the group of people in front of him. 

“I guess we’ll have to kill you, that’s a shame…” the captain trailed off and as the group’s eyes filled with fear and it looked as if they were about to start pleading with him, he held up a finger to silence them. “We’ll have to kill you, unless… you can offer me something worth letting you go for.” 

“All we have is livestock and cotton… but we were nearing a trading port. With everything we have, it will all be very valuable and those we are set to exchange with will be willing to pay an excellent price for it all,” the young man went on to explain,  “Perhaps we could arrange once we get there in terms of repayment…” 

“Well, that sounds...feasible,” he replied slowly, watching as the man seemed to almost breathe a sigh of relief. “But, I want… something to make sure you keep your side of the deal. A member of your crew for example,” he smirked, tapping his fingers against the side of the boat as he leaned against it. “That way I'll know you won't try anything funny.” he grinned with a glint in his eye.

The young man blinked and turned to the older gentleman who simply nodded in agreement. “I’m giving you fifteen minutes amongst yourselves to decide who is to come with me before I change my mind and kill you all,” Logan threw out casually as he made his way back to his ship. The men were left to stare and murmur between each other about who they could send. 

Within the next couple of minutes, the sound of slightly raised voices travelled between the two ships and a few shifting noises as a man was brought across the plank by two members of Logan’s crew.  

The man in question was looking intensely at the plank below him, shaking slightly as he made his way cautiously across the gap. It was clear by his expression that he wasn’t even the slightest bit used to the daunting fall into the ocean that stood between the two immobile ships.  

He finally made it across and Logan raised an eyebrow at him as he looked up simultaneously to meet his gaze. The hostage didn’t look afraid, more excited which wasn’t what Logan was looking for. “Put the hostage below decks,” he commanded as he stormed back onto the other ship. 

The captain quickly grabbed one of the men closest and drew his sword to his throat. “You better not be playing me for a fool.” he spat, “If I find out you are, it will not be pretty.” 

The man he was holding immediately tensed and closed his eyes, “He’s valuable to us, I promise. He’s very good below decks and has always worked incredibly hard. We’re taking you seriously, I promise.” he whimpered and Logan pulled the sword away, pushing the snivelling man over hard into the wood of the deck and climbing back to his ship without another word. 

The planks connected the two ships were removed and the merchant’s vessel continued on its way, the pirate ship following close behind. Logan paced for a while on the decks as he eyed the sky, the clouds swirling near them were getting darker and darker and the smell of rain in the air indicated that it would start falling at any moment. He then decided to make his way down below the deck to check on his bargaining piece. 

Once below, Logan shooed the men he’d left to guard the hostage and sent them back to help the others. He approached the cell and got another look at the man. While the area was feebly lit, there was still a beam of light flickering from above deck to give enough light to see who he was dealing with. The man inside the cell was lying on the bench, one foot propped up as the other hung beside him, all the while humming happily to himself seeming completely unbothered. 

Logan did find this odd but realised it was possible he just knew how to keep his cool. “My name is Captain Logan, you will address me as such and work on my ship for however long we decide to keep you around,” he spoke gruffly, “What’s your name?” he then proceeded to demand.

The man quickly perked up and smiled widely at him, “Remus! My name’s Remus!” he grinned cheerfully, standing up and bouncing on the balls of his feet as he was trying to contain all his excitement and seem at least slightly professional.

Logan frowned at this, unsure what to think of his behaviour. “Well then Remus, I was told that you knew how to make yourself useful. What exactly are you good for?” He was still debating whether he should put his hostage to work or not. On the one hand, cheap labour was always something he needed, but he also wasn’t sure he could trust to do anything that wouldn’t end up endangering himself and everyone else on the ship. 

Remus could no longer repress his smile as he began to word vomit excitedly once again, “Well, I’ve cleaned most everything, mended anything from weapons to holes in the ship, got rid of rats, treated wounds and done other things within that area because I was a self-taught medic for a while. I don’t mind dirt or gore, I’m also good with organisation and the tedious sort of jobs,” he listed, discreetly counting the jobs on his fingers as he did so. “Ooh! I can also navigate a little if I have a map and a compass, I'm good with my hands, and my mouth, amongst other things if that’s what you need.”

“Hmm, okay I think I've heard enough,” Logan mused, internally double-taking at Remus’ last comment as he continued eyeing the strange man suspiciously. “I guess I could send you to the top of the mast to serve as a lookout.” That would work nicely, that way he could keep an eye on Remus and it would be an easy way to make sure he didn’t try to escape. However, Remus immediately paled at the suggestion, Logan raising an eyebrow at this questioningly. 

“Well...uh...I don’t think I’d be most helpful there...I have uh...the tiniest slight bit of a fear of heights and I’m sure I’d be much more helpful...anywhere else,” Remus admitted, his gaze dropping to the floor as he looked rather ashamed at having to say this and risk disappointing Logan. Though it was still unclear why he was still so eager to please him.

“Excuse me, but did I ask for your preferences?” Logan boomed in response, effectively causing Remus to cower under the intensity of his presence. “You don’t get to choose here and insolence is not something that I will be tolerating. I’d have you thrown off the ship for that but fortunately for you, I need you alive for this deal to go through,” he sneered at the figure before him. 

Remus looked almost as though he was about to protest but Logan cut him off before he had the chance. “Not another word out of you or I may just change my mind about having you thrown overboard. Get back to the deck and you better be halfway up that ladder once I reach the top of the stairs.” 

Remus cowered and nodded nervously; as the door to the cell opened, he obediently rushed up the stairs and made his way over to the daunting position he’d been given. He was about three-quarters of the way up the rickety ladder when he paused, stopping and clinging onto the rope. 

The crew below began to snicker, but as Logan approached and gave them a swift glare, they all went back to what they were doing. He looked up at Remus with a raised eyebrow, wondering why he’d stopped when it became apparent that he was slowly losing his grip and not long after, he dropped from the ladder, having passed out before he’d even reached the top.

Not a moment later Logan had crossed the distance between where he’d been standing and the base of the mast, just in time to catch Remus and keep him from smacking onto the deck. In doing so he fell somewhat to the ground where he stayed on his knees as Remus lay on his back. A few seconds later his eyes were fluttering open and he looked up at Logan staring down at him. 

Remus’ cheeks went immediately red at the realisation that he’d just fainted. “I tried to warn you…” he said with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry about that it’s never happened before, I can try again though since that’s where you wanted me,” he went on as he tried to sit up but was immediately hit with a wave of dizziness.  

Logan rolled his eyes, helping him up and half lifting him to take him into one of the cabins. “You need to stay here and take a minute otherwise you’ll make it worse. Don’t go up there again and let someone know when you’ve had a break and you’re feeling better,” Logan huffed, walking out of the room and locking it behind him. 

Logan went to his cabin to take a moment to collect himself. Remus was like nothing he’d ever encountered before and he was half out of his wits with what to do with him. While part of him was massively annoyed at the man for having caused a scene and for ruining his plans for the hostage, another part of him also felt bad for having made him climb up the ladder after he’d distinctly expressed his discomfort at the notion. Logan caught himself at this, since when did he care about the wellbeing about any of his crew? Let alone someone like Remus.

                                                 ***********************

Remus himself wanted to spend time to ponder over everything that had just happened, but honestly found himself speechless and also incredibly dizzy with fatigue. He managed to get some sleep and after a while, someone came in to check on him. They got him working on polishing some swords by order of Logan who’d figured Remus wouldn’t sit still without something to do. Even if he was supposed to be resting, from what Logan had seen, the man was a whirlwind. 

Logan was surprised to learn not even an hour later that Remus had already finished with the polishing and was asking what his next task would be. Initially skeptical at the speed at which this had been done he went to inspect Remus’ work but found all the swords to have been polished to a pristine degree. He did, however, notice that Remus seemed to be sporting small bandages around multiple fingers which seemed to suggest that he was as accident-prone as he looked. 

Logan furrowed his eyebrows and turned to a small notepad on the wall. “These will be your quarters, for now, I’ll put up new things for you to do on this notepad and I want you to get them done,” he ordered before stepping out of the room and returning to his office.

[vampireacademysims]

Scrapped Story Challenge

I got tagged by @skyburned​, thank you! <3

The Rules:

Post a few screenshots from a scrapped scene / edit / story!

Share why you scrapped this specific thing

Tag five friends, and watch the fun play out!

As for the Vampire Academy comic, I don’t actually have many scrapped scenes/edits, I actually only found one XD I tend to plan everything as to avoid wasting time on things I’ll not use, so I guess this was an exception.

This is the full panel that got cut to only focus on Rose’s face, back in chapter I - page 7 (top right). After the wasted time editing the whole thing to just use a bit of it made me rethink how I was doing things, so I plan better now. As for scrapped stories.... oh boy, sit down and have some popcorn XD Since it’s not VA related, I’ll put it under a cut. It’s trying to keep the comic going that is hindering alternate projects, but it’s nothing too new if you fallow my other Tumblr... unless you read to the end.

I don’t want to say these are scrapped stories.... more like, Temporarily In Limbo Projects:

The NaNo-born HP thing.

Before I started the VA comic, I nearly started a comic about an original story that was born in a NaNoWriMo over 10 years ago. It was a sort of alternate future of OCs I had in a Roleplay in back in the day, set in the Harry Potter universe. I never finished the story - 250 pages in English and 3 chapters away from finishing it to this day =’). Once a year I go back to read it just to feel the cringe.

What stopped me was all the extras I’d have to edit in, mainly cloaks and robes - because everyone had cloaks/robes, dragons (even if only for a chapter... 6 years ago no one had converted the dragons to sims 2 yet) and the hair of the protagonist. So I started VA instead, because it felt easier.

The AU Slice of Life thing.

From time to time, on my reblogs tumblr, I post images from the most “recent” OCs from the last roleplay I was in - I like to roleplay, ok? Once on FB a friend had posted a link to one of those online generators, there was one about generating demons and I tried it out. Funny enough, the very first result I got remembered about me about my character Thea. So I jumped to Sims and tried to make her as a demon, based on what the generator gave me and this was the result:

This was the first pass at the idea, but I wanted a tail and different feet...

And so came the no.2 pass, that I’m still sort of working on in the background. I liked this idea, placing my characters and the characters or my friend in a different setting. I wanted to write that story, but I needed the input of my friend and she doesn’t seem very interested, so I dunno if I’d be able to write a full story, I need her to bounce ideas with. Then I thought to just make slice of life images, the cool parts I have in my head, without having to layout a whole story. Again, problem would be having to edit things in, mainly tails (all tails would have to be hand painted in), feet aaand in the case of one of my friend’s girls, wings would have to be edited in. Oh and clothes. I don’t think finding decent harem style clothes is easy even today.

The I-Was-14-and-Wrote-Detective-Stories thing.

I got my first PC in 1996/7, no internet those days. And after I finished watching the last episode of a Brazilian soap opera about a female detective (A Justiceira), I decided create my own female detective and write stories. I wrote the 1st story in one hour and it only had 7 pages (in which I believed that American female detectives sporting midriff tops and high heel shoes to active work was completely normal). I still have those printed 7 pages XD And the cover I made for the book lol Only one friend of mine has ever lay eyes on those stories. It started all good and well, robberies and murders and stuff, but fast I branched out to human cloning, space travel, time travel, genetically altered wolves, alien abductions, religious/alien cults in Mexico, plane crashes, ghosts and an incident during the Paris-Dakar event... I was a huge X-Files fan at that time and got hugely influenced u_u I had 22 books planed, I wrote from 1997 to like 2003-ish if memory serves. Only finished 11 while the others stand in various degrees of scattered notes. As mentioned before, from time to time I go back to read it all and feel the ultimate cringe and wonder what I was on back in the day. It’s completely insane at times, but maybe with a bit (A LOT) of polish I could make something out of it. If nothing else, maybe remake the book covers in the Sims because back in the day it was only MS Paint and some cartoons on Powerpoint that I stripped and drew over on paint with a mouse to draw the covers and other scenes. It’s hilarious looking back at how dedicated I was, hot damn! I made wallpapers, Win95 desktop themes, Winamp skins, you name it XD That female Detective was the very first of my OCs and I never made her in the Sims correctly, maybe I should look into that because all I have to show for her is this XD Covers ranging from 1998 to 2003 (I only learned about Photoshop in 2005).

So these are my dirty little secrets that I might or might not one day act upon. Here, have a cookie if you made it this far. As for tags, people who have stories going probably have stuff to show so, @grecadeasimsstudios​, @esotheria-sims​, @veninorchid​, @quiddity-jones​, @cindysimblr, @grisdidthis​​ :P Again, if it is not your cup of tea, it’s ok :)