#and I left out abby because that will turn this post into a 20 page thesis

[erik-christine]

*spoilers for tlou2*

joel saved ellie but he also took away her choice and continually lied to her for years to come. but joel saved ellie and would do it “all over again” and was able to tell her that during their last conversation with each other. he loves her, but he’s also selfish in that love and you could argue whether he was right or wrong a million different ways and you would be correct - that’s part of the point. people are forgetting that regardless of the right choice, there’s still consequences.

if joel had left ellie to the fireflies, ellie would’ve fulfilled what she thought her purpose was and a possible cure would’ve been made, leaving the world in a place where it could finally begin to heal from cordyceps. and perhaps joel would be able to find peace with his brother. but for that to happen, joel would be without ellie and he would have lost a daughter for the second time and, for him, that was a sacrifice that was too great.

with where we’re currently at, joel’s actions will lead to his eventual estrangement from ellie. he took that choice from her and lied to her again and again until she finally found out the truth on her own and refused contact with him until the very end. but it also allowed for years where he was able to be with her, teach her the guitar and how to swim and show her wonderful things and just be a dad again. he didn’t deserve his eventual death, but it happened with the same reason as to how he still has ellie now: love and the fear of losing it. joel made the choice to swap a cure for years as ellie’s father, and no one can say it was the right or wrong choice, but each option he was presented with had bittersweet outcomes.

and that’s part of the beauty of the last of us. it’s not often where characters are presented with decisions that are obviously the right one, much like real life. and sometimes we won’t know our consequences until years to come. but you make the most of what you have in the time you have it, and that’s exactly what joel did.

[whumpetywhumpwhump]

Posting one of my actual (fandom-related) full fics on here... be nice!!

This is some good ol' intubation whump because it's my favourite.

(for slight context of character, see this old post)

When the call comes in, everybody in the ER is hoping it isn't Coop. Especially Neela.

Severe asthma attack. 26 year old male.

Somehow, because it's his day off and he really ought to be relaxing, it seems almost impossible for him to find himself back in the hospital as a patient. It just… isn't fair.

That doesn't stop the wheels of the gurney from rolling through the doors, though. Doesn't change the fact that Coop is laying half-conscious on top of it, his quick, shallow breaths fogging a nebulizer mask, his skin so pale it looks ashen.

“26 year old male,” the paramedic conducting the transfer restates. “Severe asthma attack with symptoms pointing to onset of status asthmaticus. Albuterol administered, as well as 0.5mg subcutaneous epinephrine, both to minimal effect.”

Dr Lewis, the attending on the case, moves to Coop’s side, slipping the chest piece of her stethoscope underneath his t-shirt as they continue to move into one of the trauma rooms. Her expression, when she withdraws it, is severe.

“His airways are pretty much closed up. He needs more epi now.”

Abby hurries to drag a crash cart in, and Neela follows the gurney all the way until it's positioned in the trauma room, at which point she starts readying an IV kit with shaking hands.

Coop does not look good. Even when compared to the time she almost killed him with epi. At least then he'd been alert, sitting up, and his skin hadn't lost all of its colour like it has now.

Dr Lewis returns from fetching some more equipment, and as she waits for Abby to arrive with the crash cart, she strokes Coop’s hair reassuringly.

“Hang on, sweetheart, we’re going to help you feel better. Just keep breathing for me, okay?”

Through weak wheezes that emerge from blue-tinged lips, Coop nods. His eyelids are heavy with exhaustion.

Neela hasn't seen an asthma attack this severe in person before, but she knows from med school how dangerous they can be- especially when the patient is as tired as Coop is. It isn't clear how long he's been struggling this much to breathe. The colour of his skin (or lack of, for that matter) tells her it's been too long.

If they don't work quickly, his body will run out of energy. He'll stop breathing, too exhausted to even inhale anymore. He'll lose oxygen.

He'll die.

“Neela, I need an IV of 100mg hydrocortisone.”

She turns to find Dr Lewis’ keen gaze on her. There's a thinly veiled panic in the attending’s eyes that quickly disappears as she turns back to Coop, gently trying to reassure him as he fights for air.

“I’m going to page Pratt as well, alright, Coop? He can get you some more albuterol so your nebulizer doesn't dry out.”

Neela can't see whether Coop replies, but if he does, it isn't audible. All she can hear is his terrifying wheeze and the hum of the nebulizer, shortly joined by a rapid beeping as a nurse finally helps him take off his shirt and hooks him up to a monitor. She doesn't dare turn around to look at his oxygen saturation. It's likely going to keep plummeting.

Instead, she focuses on setting up the cannula in Coop’s trembling arm, her left hand holding it steady while her right slides the needle in.

“There we are, Coop.” she murmurs. “You're doing so well, sweetheart.”

The pet name feels stranger coming from her lips than Dr Lewis', but at this point her slight blush is the least of their worries. While Coop’s this sick, it doesn't matter what she calls him. He just needs to start breathing properly again.

Once the IV site has been secured with a clear sticker, Neela measures out the dose of hydrocortisone. 100mg. When they're giving it as a steroid over a longer period of time, they prescribe 20-30mg a day, in two doses. The fact that they're pumping him full of this much at once is testament to just how emergent his case is.

“100mg hydrocortisone going in.” she announces. Connects the needle to the cannula. Pushes down on the plunger of the syringe.

Despite her accumulated knowledge surrounding medication, Neela still half expects the effects to be immediate. For Coop to suddenly relax, his airway opening up again, the colour gradually suffusing his cheeks. For the wheezing to fade as he breathes in properly for the first time in hours.

It doesn't. None of this happens.

Minute by minute, Coop continues to deteriorate. Abby brings in the crash cart. Dr Lewis injects the epinephrine beneath the skin of his forearm and, unlike before, he doesn't even react to the needle. His eyes flicker like his awareness is slipping away from him.

By the time Pratt arrives to switch out Coop’s nebulizer, such a small intervention becomes pointless. Even if Coop were able to breathe properly, time has proven that albuterol, on this occasion, just isn't working. Pratt sets down the new nebulizer and instantly crosses to Coop’s bedside, brow furrowed.

“Coop, man, can I listen to your chest?”

A barely perceptible nod.

When Pratt presses the cold stethoscope against Coop’s heaving chest, it seems more of a confirmatory action than one that's actually necessary. He sighs, shaking his head. Coop, as evidenced by the blue tinge to his lips, his rolling eyes, the pallor of his skin, is officially status asthmaticus.

He's in respiratory failure.

Things suddenly grow a lot more urgent. Pratt gives Lewis a gesture that she reciprocates, and a nurse pulls the crash cart closer to the bed. Neela’s heart sinks just as Abby sinks into position right at Coop’s bedside, crouching next to him as she strokes his hair and updates him.

“Sweetheart, your breathing isn't where we need it to be, okay? You're not getting enough oxygen. We need to put you to sleep for a while… intubate you. Do you understand?”

Coop closes his eyes, humming in assent even as a frightened tear slips down his cheek.

“Ju-just… d-d-do… iiiiit.”

His voice is shot. Weak. Resigned to his fate.

It's the same phrase he used when Abby shocked his heart back into a regular rhythm a few months ago. Back then, though, it had simply been a plea to get things over with.

Now, it seems not only a desperate entreaty, but also a solemn reminder:

I’ve been here before.

Neela knows, just as the other staff do, that Coop’s been super sick a couple of times. He knows what it's like to wake up in the ICU feeling like you're breathing through a straw. He knows what it's like for weeks to pass in the span of a minute.

He knows that when he's tubed, he can breathe, and that’s all that matters.

“We’re going to look after you, sweetheart, I promise.” Abby says, her own eyes a little misty. She brushes the sweat-damp hair from his forehead and squeezes his hand. One of the other nurses adjusts the bed so it's laying flat. The tears, terrified, continue to stream silently down his cheeks.

Abby lifts his hand, pressing an almost motherly kiss to the back of it, while Pratt slots a syringe full of medication into the cannula of his other hand.

“Propofol and some muscle relaxants are going to go in now, man. Just relax and let yourself drift off- we’ve got you.”

As the syringe is pushed, Neela can see Coop’s grip on Abby’s hand loosen. The thick tears decorating his cheeks seem, in themselves, to slow down, the scared expression in his eyes melting away beneath the anaesthetic. He blinks once. Twice.

Gone.

There's something so unnerving about Coop being still. How, as Pratt brushes his index finger underneath Coop’s eyelashes, the latter doesn't stir at all to crack a smile. When Dr Lewis gets into position behind his head and adjusts her patient accordingly, he's limp and movable. Floppy.

“Pratt, can you get that nebulizer off?”

“Sure.”

There are red marks across Coop's face from where the straps of the mask dug into his skin for hours. Now, he doesn't breathe at all. He looks dead. According to the dropping numbers on the monitor, he may as well be dead.

“Laryngoscope.”

“Here. Laryngoscope.”

A nurse places the metal instrument into Dr Lewis' awaiting hand. Her other hand gently tilts Coop’s head back.

“Alright… sliding laryngoscope in… got slight cord visualisation. Tube?”

“Tube.”

Neela watches her angle the endotracheal tube in with bated breath- and for good reason.

“C’mon, Coop.” Lewis murmurs, desperately trying to gain access. “I need to help you breathe, sweetheart. Let me help you breathe.”

Pratt steps up next to her, arms crossed. “Difficult airway?”

“Nearly impossible. Haven't seen this level of inflammation in a long time. Poor guy must have been so incredibly uncomfortable.”

The monitor continues to blare. Coop’s oxygen levels continue to drop.

Abby, still positioned right next to him, stroking his hair even as he lays there unconscious, glances worriedly at the screen.

“His sats aren't looking good.”

Dr Lewis sighs. “Yeah, I know, I'm just trying to- there.”

Her relief is palpable, and Neela knows at once that she’s finally in. She watches the tube slot into place before Lewis inflates the cuff, and Pratt connects everything up to the vent.

“Tube’s misting.” Abby says gently, as everyone begins to relax. “Looks like good placement.”

Pratt pulls his stethoscope out from around his neck.

“I’ll check.”

He moves to Coop's side and checks his breathing, first auscultating the left side of his chest, then the right. It's odd, Neela thinks, to observe how natural his breathing looks now, when only moments ago it was erratic and desperate- but of course, it isn't technically him breathing now at all. They've taken over for him.

After a few more checks with the stethoscope across Coop’s chest and neck, Pratt stands up, slinging the device back around his own neck.

“Bilateral breath sounds. You're in.”

Everyone in the room seems to relax at once, especially when the numbers on the monitor start to creep up to normal.

“Alright,” Dr Lewis breathes, turning to Abby. “Secure it, then we'll get him down to ICU. Keep him on max settings until we know it's safe to start weaning him off."

She moves back, as does Pratt, and Abby stands, giving Coop’s hair one last gentle run through with her fingers before she moves away to fetch the tube holder. Neela's eyes remain fixed on him, though. It's impossible not to when he's so completely still.

“You alright, Neela?” Abby asks gently as she returns a few moments later.

Neela nods. “Yeah, I just… it's so different when you know them. I didn't realise how sick it would make me feel.”

Abby gives her a small reassuring smile, then focuses her attention back on the packaging she's just picked up, tearing it open and pulling out the holder before she starts to peel off the tape on the pads.

“I know what you mean. It's not easy seeing somebody you care about like this, and it's somehow even harder with a person like Coop. He's always smiling, always moving, always there, and now…” She presses the first pad against his cheek gently, thumb brushing against it to secure it. “He's not. He's always there to take care of everybody else, and now…” She applies the other pad, movements just as careful and attentive. “He needs us to take care of him.”

Neela hums affirmatively, watching her secure the tube.

“There's just so much at stake. So much that could go wrong, and nearly did. Maybe it even has.”

Abby finishes, standing up fully again and adjusting things ever so slightly. Coop looks like the other patients in the ICU now, and it makes Neela’s stomach roll with anxiety.

“It isn't easy.” Abby responds. “But that's what the ER’s like, even if it happens with one of our own. It's fast-paced, it's risky, and sometimes the worst happens. Sometimes, we can't easily cure a patient, and we have to hope that they'll fight enough on their own to get through things.”

“Do you think he will? Coop?”

“There are no guarantees, but if anyone's going to, it's him.” She looks down at him with a mixture of affection and admiration. Her thumb strokes along the curve of his jaw. “He just needs to hang on long enough for the inflammation to go down. He just needs to do something which is pretty alien to him, and rest. Let us do some of the heavy lifting for a while until he's strong enough to do it on his own again.”

Neela nods. “He'll get through it.”

Abby smiles. “Exactly. He'll get through it… You’re a tough one, aren't you, sweetheart?” She brushes back some more sweat-damp and unruly hair from his forehead. “Let's get you somewhere you can rest, hm?”

Coop remains still, the only sign he's still there at all being the beeping of the monitor and the fogging of the tube. But somehow, as Neela helps Abby raise the railings of the bed ready for transport, she knows he's going to come out of this.

He always does.

[liam-93-productions]

For the last 10 or so months, most people's lives have seriously slowed down. With shelter-in-place and lockdown orders mandated around the world, it's no surprise that many celebrities's once-busy and hectic public lives have come to a startling halt, but this hasn't necessarily been the case for Liam Payne.

Besides churning out new music, the singer has been very busy this year. Not unlike most of us, he's joined TikTok and discovered the benefits of sustainability, (...) and even held a livestream concert series. Long story short, Payne's life hasn't changed pace, so it makes a lot of sense that he's updating his résumé with yet another accomplishment: being the face of a sexy new fragrance.

The partnership itself isn't new — Payne has been an ambassador for Hugo for the last few years — but the presence of Payne's smouldering stare in the latest campaign for Hugo Man seems fitting. After all, 2020 was the year of significant anniversaries for both the brand and Payne: Hugo Man not only celebrated its 25th birthday, but July 23 marked the 10th anniversary of One Direction. While 1D fans didn't get exactly what they'd hoped for (i.e. a band reunion), even the most soured superfans can feel a sense of pride for Payne's personal evolution.

Ahead, Payne shares what he's been up to while staying home, his plans for 2021, the tattoo he loves (now), and how an unlikely TikTok collaboration came to be.

Liam Payne On His Signature Scent as a Teen

It's a universal truth that most teenagers do not smell great (or at least smell a lot better after moving past puberty and skipping the body spray housed inside a neon plastic bottle). While Payne spent most of his formative years in a band, he's not exactly exempt from our collective smelly past.

"I think when we're teenagers we choose those really cheap scents that everybody seems to have and they smell like a changing room most times," he told POPSUGAR. "I hope my own personal journey has been good, but I'm sure there must have been points when it wasn't." Despite what those handmade One Direction candles would tell you, Payne most certainly smells great now: modern, masculine, and after about 20 minutes, a bit woody.

While most of us could've maybe guessed what Payne smells like on a daily basis — introduce us to a 20-something guy who doesn't appreciate a balsam note — we would've never assumed his favourite scent that's not a fragrance: history. To be specific, really old houses. "I just moved into a house and it's really old. You know when you can smell that the house has history? That smell," he confirmed. "That smell is quite nice."

Liam Payne On His Most Regrettable Tattoo

Payne is not the first person to regret a tattoo, but could maybe teach a masterclass on learning to love yours. So, what is — or was — his most regrettable ink? The chevron-like row of arrows on his right arm. "The guy put the design on me and it was way too big, but I hadn't got the heart to tell him because I was kind of afraid," Payne said. "I think I fell asleep on the desk in the tattoo shop, it was the most random thing, ever. Then, I woke up the next morning and my arm was hurting. I was like, oh no, that didn't happen, did it?"

Payne revealed that he quickly went to Google to search for ways to remove the tattoo, but as you'll see, he never really went through with it. In fact, the large piece served as inspiration for one of his collections with Hugo (you can spot it on the collar of some of the pieces).

So, how does he feel about it now? "It was a beautiful mistake," he said. "I feel like tattoos do become a part of you, like a scar or something. They'll always be there and you always grow to love them."

Liam Payne On His Most Recent Tattoo

According to some experts, the post-coronavirus tattoo boom is inevitable. Even we can admit that we've been eyeing a few designs over the last year. As for Payne, he doesn't entirely relate. "I yearn for more tattoos, but I only ever get tattoos when I'm a little bit drunk," he said. "I can't sit with an idea and then hope I'm going to get it. I'm not one of those people.

While Payne is one of those spur-of-the-moment kind of tattoo lovers, he admitted that he's excited to reunite with one of his favourite LA-based artists, Nikko Hurtado. So, no, he doesn't know what kind of tattoo he might get once lockdown is over, but he can confirm the very last tattoo he got before everything changed. "I got my initials on my hand in case I ever can't remember who I am," he said, referencing the "L" and "P" inked on his left and right hands, respectively. "At least I've got the letters to start with."

Liam Payne On Collabing With TikTok's Abby Roberts

After the year we've had, nothing really shocks us anymore — except maybe coming across Liam Payne in clown makeup on TikTok. If he made a surprising appearance on your For You Page this year, you may have wondered how the musician ended up on the app collaborating with one of its most popular makeup artists, Abby Roberts. Turns out, Payne had seen some of Roberts's videos before and initiated the harmonious partnership in anticipation for his Halloween concert special. And so their viral TikToks were born. (Seriously, the first video he posted with Roberts has since earned four millions likes.)

Just because we were surprised by this collaboration doesn't mean Payne is a stranger to undergoing seriously long makeup transformations. Remember those intro videos One Direction made for the Take Me Home Tour in 2013? The boys went undercover in London thanks to prosthetics and wigs. Tl;dr hijinks ensued, fans loved it, and Payne still remembers what it was like to be turned into Harry Styles's elderly husband. "I think I was in the chair for five hours while I was being made into an old man," he recalled of the prosthetics. "It was quite fun, but watching yourself age before the mirror was a very daunting prospect, but it was a lot of fun to play [that] part."

Liam Payne On His Commitment to Sustainability

Like many of us, Payne has become more aware of just how crucial a eco-conscious lifestyle can be for our present and future. As a Hugo ambassador, he's familiar with the importance of sourcing sustainable materials and ingredients when creating both clothes and fragrances. Perhaps the sexiest thing about the relaunched Hugo Man is that it's housed inside a box made from recycled paper. Even sexier, Payne admits he's made his own personal commitment to recycling while staying home. "It's made me take a longer look at myself and the way I treat things," he said. Even he agrees we all have to start somewhere.

Liam Payne On His Plans For 2021

Everyone's plans and expectations for this new year are very different, but Payne's already got his eye on some downtime. "I feel like because we didn't know if we had to completely stop working or whether we were even going to have anything to do this year, we worked as hard as we could constantly since March," he said. "It feels for all of us that 2021 is going to hit a little bit of a refresh button."

Still, even he can admit while we'd love to leave a lot of 2020 behind, there is one thing he'll take with him: quality time. "Life's been on a bit of treadmill for a long time and I think when you live in big cities, like London and LA, everybody's always go go go all the time," he said, "I think it's been important this year that we've got to learn to take some time for ourselves and stop and enjoy these moments."

[readyforit]

hiii abby!! can you post a tutorial for how you make edits like your latest one? the url edit fro taylorswifh? it’s so prettyyy

♡ edit tutorial for this edit, requested by anon ♡

hiii so! this is quite long, but that’s because I wanted to capture my whole entire process to hopefully help you! I used photoshop (2018) for this tutorial, and all the resources I used are listed here (everything except for photoshop is free)! I’ve sort of split this tutorial up into sections, by the different steps. thank you and have a lovely day!! ♡

so before I begin, I always think about the edit, like what I want the final outcome to look like (or if I don’t know what that’ll look like yet, what direction I want it to go in, the main themes/ideas/colour schemes that I have). I personally love using a minimalist range of colours, all of them being light and pastel (that’s just my personal liking though). I also consider the main themes or ideas that I want to translate through my edit. you also need to have the passion and desire to edit, I’ve learned that there’s nothing more draining than editing when you really don’t want to. so I think that you should think about all these things before starting!!

tip; put on some music, it gets your creativity and thinking flowing if you’re in a good mood ldkjkl

so! when creating the edit; first of all, I created a new document in photoshop - 540 x 300 pixels for this specific edit (just because that shows up as high quality on tumblr, but it doesn’t really matter!) when you click ‘create’, a white canvas should open up.

— creating the book

next! I used a book psd for my edit, which you can find and download here!! so I just opened that psd up (a psd is just a photoshop file that has like all the layers in place so it’s not just one photo);

when you open the file up, this is how it should look (well not really, because I’d edited it to look like this, but it should have this general layout);

now what you have to do is sort of literally drag the file out and then, drag all the layers from that file into your white canvas, like this;

— giffing

I just wanted to quickly mention that giffing is definitely an optional step. I do it in pretty much all of my edits, but I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re just beginning to edit, because giffing takes the most time and it can be really draining and messy if not done right ldkjd.

to create my gifs, I use youtube videos, which I download through 4k video downloader (it’s really simple with 4k, you just have to copy the youtube link and paste it into the app!). so to open up a video, go to ‘file’ then ‘import’ and finally ‘video frames to layers’;

once you’ve chosen the video you want to use, open that up (don’t know why that’s so blurry dlkjdlj but you get the idea);

now this should pop up! make sure it’s on ‘selected range only’ and then use the toggles at the bottom to select the specific part of the video that you want to use (I usually gif about 20 frames because it’s sooo much work for me to do more than that lkdjldj)

when you’re in the file, go to ‘window’ then ‘timeline’ for the gif to show up frame by frame;

now highlight the specific frames that you want by literally dragging across them with the timeline bar at the bottom. then click the three bars on the top right of the bar, and click ‘copy frames’;

now go back to your book psd file, and at the timeline bar at the bottom, click ‘create frame animation’;

click on the three bars on the top right of the timeline bar and paste the frames over the selection;

your file should now look something like this! to resize the gif, just press command + t and adjust it from there!

now to give it the effect that it’s a part of the book, you have to create a clipping mask (so it sort of clips onto the book layer like a paper clip). to do this, select all the layers of the gif, drag it right above the layer that you want to clip it onto (the page constraint layer in this case). then right click the gif layers and click ‘create clipping mask’;

as a result, your layers should now look like this. you can use command + t again to adjust the gif size;

tip; press command + g to group the layers together so they take up less space!

now, with your gif, this step is pretty tiring and takes forever dlkdjl, but for the layer to show up in every frame of the gif, you have to click on the box button on the left of each layer so that an eye shows up. you can also press the eye button at the top of the settings, in the unify bar, so that it stays visible throughout the entire gif. I don’t know if I’m explaining it properly dlkdjl but just go through every layer and press the box so an eye shows up.

sometimes the unify button doesn’t work for some reason, and you’ll have to manually go through every single frame just to click on the eye button. it’s excruciating, but it’s worth it in the end lkdjdl

this is how your edit should look now!

now what I do is apply a psd (sort of like a filter) so it looks softer and prettier! these days, all of the psds that I apply come from this lovely pack!

in the same way that you dragged your book psd in, drag the psd *folder* into your edit;

your edit should now look like this!

— adding the photo

now’s the fun part! you can add whatever you want to, but what I did in my edit was I cut out a photo of taylor. now what you can do if you’re running short of time is find a transparent photo of taylor on google or on deviantart, but if you want to take the time to actually crop the photo out like me (even though I’m horrible at it), here’s how I do it! first find the photo you’d like to crop out. I usually use taylorpictures, they have the most high quality photos of taylor!

so find the photo you want to use, copy it;

then just paste it into your edit;

use command + t again to adjust the size;

and now to crop it out, what I do is use the quick selection tool, which is this button right here;

in this mode, you can easily just select the part of taylor that you want to cut out (that sounds weird lkjd);

at the top, there should be a bar with a number of buttons, one of them being ‘select and mask’;

if you click on that, you should be taken to another page, similar to this;

now you can play with the settings on the right, then press ‘ok’ when you’re happy with it (the numbers change for each photo and your style, it entirely depends on how you want it to look);

now you should be back to your edit, click on the ‘add layer mask’ button on the bottom left of your page;

and taylor should now be cropped out from her background!

make sure all the layers are below the psd pack, including the photo of taylor that you just cropped out;

now for the colouring!! ‘selective colour’ is your best friend, and you can find that button here, in your adjustments (if you can’t find your adjustments, go to window > adjustments);

add a clipping mask (by right clicking the layer and clicking ‘create clipping mask’) of the selective colour onto the layer you want to colour, so that it only affects that one layer;

then on the selective colour panel, you can adjust the specific colours in that layer to your liking;

in addition, you can press command + u to change the whole colour scheme, saturation and lightness of the layer. make sure to press ‘ok’ when you’re done;

basically just play around with the colouring until you’re happy with it!

if you want it to look more realistic, you can also play around with the effects (I use layer effects all the time, they’re the best) on the layers bar, so the layer blends into the layers below it, like this;

— adding decoration

now you can decorate your little piece of work with whatever you’d like to, such as a background colour (layer > new fill layer > solid colour) ;

a texture (textures are honestly so amazing and you can find them all over tumblr and google; like you can search the word ‘texture’ up and then paste it into your edit);

I usually place my texture at the top of the edit, then use one of the effects to blend it into all the layers;

final embellishments!! this step is optional you can add anything else that you’d like to, such as pngs (you can search these up on google and paste them into your edit, or find psd packs on tumblr and drag them in). again, you can add selective colour and a layer effect to these layers;

tip; finding already transparent images saves sooo much time, so try doing that instead of cropping the image out.

text;

tip; use a new layer for each line!

and so on. the flowers that I used come from this pack and the wax seal stamp comes from this pack from the beautiful @newrcmantlcs​!! my main advice is to just play around with everything till you’re happy with it. don’t be afraid of deleting something or starting over completely if you’re not.

— giffing again

now to control the speed of the gif, highlight all of the frames, then click on the tiny dropdown button and change the speed to however fast or slow you want each frame to be. I usually make mine 0.1 seconds, but it’s completely up to you (and worth testing it out to see what speed you prefer!)

when you’re happy with everything, it’s time to sharpen it! first, you have to convert the frames to a video timeline, and do this by clicking on the button on the bottom left of the timeline bar.

your timeline should now look like this. everyone’s process is different, like some people like to start off their whole edit with a video timeline, but I find it a lot easier to start with a frame animation then convert it when I’m done with everything.

now to sharpen (in this case at least, sometimes I add a grainy effect instead) it, highlight the layers that you want to sharpen;

then click filter > convert for smart filters. this will turn your layers into one layer.

tip; if you do something you don’t like, command + z!!

now go to filter > sharpen > sharpen;

and your gif should now be sharpened! you can simply go to filter > sharpen if you want to sharpen a layer that isn’t a gif. play around with your edit a bit more until you’re happy, and finally, add a watermark if you’re going to post it online!

finallyyyyy! to save, go to file > export > save for web, if it’s a gif. if it’s a static photo, just click ‘save as’!

and yayyyy, you just finished an edit!!!!!

ahhh so this was my tutorial on how I created this specific edit, I hope it helped! If you create something similar or follow this tutorial, I’d loveee to see it; so if you post it on tumblr, you can tag me with #tuserabigail, or you can just dm me!

my process usually isn’t this rigid or precise, I usually edit on a tangent and in cluttered daydreams, it’s never like “oh, I have to make a gif now” or “ahh it’s time to add a texture!” so really, it’s just about playing around with your edit until you like it! it’s definitely okay to skip some steps or do things in a different order, because like I said, everyone has a different process, and this was just mine for this one specific edit (my process changes all the time too ldkdljk)

anyway, I hope this helped, and thank you!! ♡

[katieamazeballs]

MVP Recap

Ok, guys.....sorry this is late but I 100% waited until today to do this because #1 It’s faster to type it on the computer than on the phone and #2 I’m now getting paid to do this.  (Who’s the real winner here).  Also....I can post this with a fancy page break so it doesn’t hog everyone’s feed.  But before the break....have a pic......

(As per my now usual.....I will post about my experience more than the dances, because you can find those online or will be seeing them yourselves.)

To start off the day, I finally got to meet My Girl and it was AMAZING!  We met at her hotel then went to dinner.  As we predicted, the girls were instant besties and so were we.  (I love it when a plan comes together).  When we got to dinner the girls sat with My Girl and I sat with her hysterical mom, Nonna.  We had good food and good conversation and it was really nice to have a meal with “my people” and discuss DWTS the entire time.  The best part, however, was Nonna telling me no less than 7 times “I don’t like-ah that Maks.  He’s a jerk”.  (read that in a thick Italian accent).   

(Abbie killed it with this selfie)

After dinner, we found our way to the theater.  I was no help, of course, because I don’t do downtown even though I’ve lived here for 34 of my 38 years.  As we were looking for parking we saw the buses straight ahead, lining both sides of the street.  We saw Ivan outside smoking (wtf dude) and JT.  Once we parked, moved the car to a different spot, and took selfies, we made our way to the theater.  As we were walking up we saw a guy with big girly hair standing by Val’s bus talking on the phone. We were all like “OMG....is that Val?!?!”.  The girls and I started booking it and got closer, that wasn’t Val but OMG HOLY CRAP he was right there in front of us!!  We attempted to approach him and the worlds grumpiest security guard stopped us in our tracks. 

(Seriously.....look at her looking at me like I’m gonna rush him or something!  Trust me when I say she plays a theme throughout the night and imagine that face any time I mention “Bitchy Security Guard” or “BSG”.)

Well.....Val didn’t take too kindly to his fans being treated that way and told us to come take pics but that we had to do it quick because he needed to get inside to get ready.  I have to say....much like Brandon, pictures do not do this man justice.  He is really really really good looking in person.  I mean REALLY.  Gahdamn, Valentin. 

(Notice the guy in the red flannel who is NOT Maks and will not be Maks at any point in the evening no matter how many times we thought he was)

Y’all be proud of Abbie.....she was given strict instructions of things she was banned from saying (I hate Jenna because she STOLE you from me.....and You used to be my favorite but now you’ve been replaced because Jenna STOLE YOU).  Girl handled herself like the sane fangirl we all knew she could be and didn’t even cry. 

(Notice the death grip she has on him)

She showed him her purse and “may” have scared him a tad.  He went “Whoa!”

(She keeps shirtless Val in the center.....because Mama ain’t raising no fool)

After we met Val.....and I failed to remember that I was lugging his book around in my damn purse and forgot to get it signed (I win at life, I swear), we were told exactly where we were allowed to stand and if we so much as took a deep breath, BSG reminded us that we weren’t allowed to move from that spot.  Then she would sigh and roll her eyes at us.  We tried to see other cast but it was getting chilly and windy (scroll back up and look at the chick’s pony in the pic of BSG) and it was getting closer to show time so they were all inside.  Before we left we did get to see Katie the Nanny taking Shai from the venue to the bus.  He is freakin adorable!  His little curls and his little wave to his adoring fans were on point!  I do not have a picture of this because #1 It happened super quick and #2 It’s not my baby and that’s kindof weird and intrusive and BSG was still side eying us and I’m pretty sure she would have taken my phone and deleted all the pics or something in retaliation.  She was seriously bitchy and hated her job. 

We got inside the venue and hit the merch stand.  We all got our shirts (to my surprise, Abs picked the white tour tee instead of the Team Val tee).  We found our way upstairs, got drinks, and found our seats.  They were pretty decent seats except for we had to sit forward to see the very front of the stage if they laid down (a few times) and couldn’t see them picking the people out of the audience.  The show was, of course, amazing.  In my opinion, it was better than the DWTS show.  Those Chmerkovskiy’s can dance!!!!  I’ve heard that Peta is amazing live, but that doesn’t do her justice.  She truly is the queen and literally commands the stage when she’s on it.  There were moments of great group numbers, moments of hilarity (the dad dance and the stripper section), and gut wrenching serious moments.  It really does tell a story through dance and we all loved it.  What you probably don’t see in the YouTube videos of the dad dance is Kiki has twins.  Abs is still laughing about those twins and when the baby sneezes and Maks yells “It got in my eye!”.  During the Chippen Val/Magic Maks section they pull up the lady out of the audience.  Let me tell you.....that lady was living her best life.  She was so funny!  Throughout the show we were annoyed by the group behind us.  There were about 8 or 10 of them and they talked the entire show.  I’m not talking quiet respectful whispers.....these bitches were straight up chit chatting.  I did giggle at one point because the oldest of them was totally Team Nonna.  They were doing their first talking section and this chick pipes up with “I’ve always hated Maks.....he’s such an arrogant jackass”.  During the super emotional break up section....it was so quiet in there you could hear a pin drop.  I had been annoyed the entire show, but at this point I started to get a little concerned that because it was so quiet in there (that section is riveting) that Maks and Peta would actually hear these bitches trying each others wine in an attempt to figure out which one had the tastiest.  Seriously y’all.....they were SO LOUD!  At this point, I turned around and said “PLEASE stop talking!”.  They shushed to heated whispers through the rest of the show but if one of us so much as looked at each other they’d say “NO TALKING!”.  At the end of the show they got up and left during the final bows (seriously the rudest group of drunk bitches ever).  I booked it out after the show to pee.  Abs didn’t have to so she went to stand outside of the bathroom to wait for the rest of our group.  I hear “That’s HER!” and look over and these bitches were WAITING for me to come out of the theater!  They start yelling “We are at a concert!!!  Talking is expected in this type of situation!  And you were rude too!!!”  (of note....no one ever said they were rude)  Abs is looking at me with huge eyes and I was like “Wait...how was I rude!  You know what...never mind....Abbie get over here!”.  I drug her into the bathroom still completely appalled at their behavior.  Be proud that I was an adult and didn’t engage.  Once all of our group was done, and these bitches are still standing there waiting, we just kind of grabbed the girls put our heads down and booked it out of there. 

We got outside and went to stand by the buses again.  BSG was still manning her post and was quite possibly in an even worse mood than before.  She seriously hates fans.  She should probably look into different employment.  Thankfully we had a different security guard posted to our standing area.  He was funny and nice and roughly the size of a mountain range.  He didn’t seem to be that huge of a guy but he had a chest and shoulders that somehow blocked the entire sidewalk.  He also must know us (is our picture up in these venues or something) because dude kept a super close eye on Abs.  She must have looked shifty to him.  He’s a smart man and I wish I would have taken a pic with him.  We stood there and stood there and stood there some more.  We had met Val, but wanted to talk to him again (because my damn book) and Makayla really wanted to meet Peta.  My goal was to meet Val (for Abs of course....ha) and meet either Maks or Peta to personally give them Shai’s hat.  Peta came out loaded down with bags and went to the bus.  She came back out and headed our way to go into a different door (probably to get food, they all went in there) and said she’d come back.  While we were waiting, we saw quite a few of the dancers coming out.  Ivan was standing there talking to a crew member and since no one else would pipe up I yelled his name.  He waved and I asked for a picture.  He was super nice and came over (Mt. Everest was amused by this).

After meeting him, both girls (and the rest of the small crown of about 15-20) were oohing and aahing over how good he smelled and I realized that my damn sinuses are still acting up and I didn’t smell anything.  I thought back to meeting Val (when both girls had the same reaction) and I thought my lack of smelling him was just because we caught him before the show and he wasn’t freshly showered.....apparently my inconspicuous deep breaths when I was standing with him were just fail. I’m super salty about this.  Seriously.....I may not ever be ok with the fact that I didn’t smell Val.  Shortly after we met Ivan, we saw Emily standing there.  She also came over when I got her attention and asked for a picture.  Mt. Everest was again amused by me while the others were plotting how they could always manage to be by me at bus meets because I not only recognized everyone by name, but was brave enough to call them over. 

I think it was at this point that My Girl’s girl was attempting to convince her mom that they should come to Jax to do all tours with me and Abs.......I don’t think she was successful.  Lol.   At some point in this process, we saw JT a few more times.  I really wanted to get a pic with him.  I yelled his name and he threw a half hearted wave, then looked over and said “Oh Hey” and waved harder.  He did not come over for a picture.  He must actually have recognized me....he was like “Yep...that’s a nope all day long, that bitch is cray”.  He has since been relieved of his best friend duties....but it’s ok because Nicole and Alyssa (Serge’s gf) have agreed that they are better choices anyways. 

Finally.....the queen emerged and came right over to our group.  She is strikingly beautiful in person and so so so tiny.  She could probably share clothes with Abs!  I gave her a hug and told her I had made a gift for Shai for his morning inspections.  She laughed and then peeked in the bag.  She awe’d and thought it was adorable!  (Totally winning at life here). 

She chit chatted with our group for a bit and talked about how they had had to adjust and reblock that day because the stage was a tight squeeze (which explains all the rehearsal stories) and lamented the weird lights outside that went from normal to pink to red (which is why the pics are kindof weird).  Abs asked where Maks was and she laughed and said she had no idea and that she hadn’t seen him since bows.  As she left she thanked me again for the hat and said she’d post it on insta.  I’m really hoping he’ll wear it (toddlers are iffy on hats....and all things really) but I’m pretty sure she’ll post it some how if he won’t wear it. 

(Of note....I could smell her.....she smells like a girl.....flowery lotion.  It makes me more salty)

We waited a bit longer and still no sign of Maks or Val.  It was getting late and even more chilly and windy and we decided to call it quits at 11.  The time came and after me having to snap at Abs (she is a determined fangirl), we made our exit with the agreement that one of the remaining group would watch us until we got to the corner and they’d yell Maks’ name real loud so we could come running back.  Mt. Everest thought this was hysterical and kept waving to us while we walked off looking back every 5 seconds.  We made our way back to the hotel, I was again no help because while I can confidently get myself home from downtown....the hotel was on the other side of the river and I had no idea how to get there.  The girls were passed out approx 37 seconds into the drive home.  When we got there Nonna popped out of the van and looked down and saw her shirt button was undone.  She goes “Oh look at me, all naked!”  I died.  She is the best and I might steal her.  We sadly said our goodbyes and Abs and I headed home.  After I got home (about 11:45) I went to check and saw @loveisstatic was the lone hold out and got to meet Maks.  I bet she really got the wrath of BSG for waiting so long.  (Girl...you gotta vouch for me on BSG....she was serious!)  All in all, we had the absolute best time and I can’t wait to do it again.....next year.....after my wallet stops crying.

[kylorenpunk]

Because I’m a jerk how about all 99? :P

I hate you Mason. 1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? Burnin Up by jonas brothers

Faith by George Michael 

Without Love from the Hairspray Movie Soundtrack 

TKO By Justin Timberlake 

Mirrors by Justin Timberlake

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Gal Gadot

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “When you’re ready, let me know, and I’ll see how well you’ve done.” - Brisinger

4: What do you think about most? Depends on the day 

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “Oh yeah.” Shout out to Nic

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with clothes

7: What’s your strangest talent? That I don’t have a talent

8: Girls… are great and valid; Boys… are great and valid

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? Not that I know of

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I was in middle school. Accidentally farted in the middle of the room in girl scouts trying to be cool doing that. Haven’t done it since.

11: Do you have any strange phobias? Hate crowded places, don’t like stuff with a bunch of holes, hate snakes, mainly claustrophobia and social phobia

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? a nasal spray

13: What’s your religion? very loose catholic

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking, exploring a place, talking on the phone 

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it. Don’t like how I look in photos I didn’t take myself.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Shinedown

17: What was the last lie you told? That I would be getting decorations for something today. I meant it when I said it tho. 

18: Do you believe in karma? Yes. I believe what you put out into the world is what you receive. Whether or not that is specifically karma who knows. 

19: What does your URL mean? It means Kylo Ren is a little bitch and that The Last Jedi never existed

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? W: overthinking S: Passion

21: Who is your celebrity crush? Chris Pine atm

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Nope. It makes playing Never Have I Ever really easy

23: How do you vent your anger? Talking to a friend, posting on a sub social media account

24: Do you have a collection of anything? Fairies, makeup, wonder woman and batman items

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Phone. Conversation is more natural and unfiltered

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Very much so yes

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Styrofoam - I love the sound of my fan or the sound of someone laughing

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?What if I stayed in my first school

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and Yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. R: makeup drawer         L: Wall 

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? Air. I smell air. Miss me with that hippie shit

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? A club in Tampa

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East Coast.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Justin Timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? 42

36: Define Art. Anything you want it to be

37: Do you believe in luck? Sort of?

38: What’s the weather like right now? Cooler side. Kinda nice tho

39: What time is it? 1:20 am. Fuck you.

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes and no

41: What was the last book you read? Still in the middle of Brisinger bc I am forever cursed to never finish that series. No spoilers

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? No

43: Do you have any nicknames? Kari, Rina, Lord of the Universe

44: What was the last film you saw? Just came back from seeing Game Night. It was good.

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Sprained my ankle one time.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes! He died. 

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? Kakashi tbh

48: What’s your sexual orientation? Straight 

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? Yep that I was falsely in love with someone I was not.

50: Do you believe in magic? No. 

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yes

52: What is your astrological sign? Cancer. I’m an emotional bitch.

53: Do you save money or spend it? Both

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? Candy for a movie

55: Love or lust? Love. 100%

56: In a relationship? Not at the moment

57: How many relationships have you had? Official? One. Non official? 3

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? I tried. No.

59: Where were you yesterday? School, work and home

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? My blanket

61: Are you wearing socks right now? Nope. Bare feet. 

62: What’s your favourite animal? Meerkat

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? That’s manipulation I don’t encourage that spam snapchat with selfies

64: Where is your best friend? Hopefully sleeping bc it’s nearly fucking 2am

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. how about no 

66: What is your heritage? Hispanic

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Sleeping like I should be doing right now

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? Pussy

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? I am a child of God. 

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes I would love another hot mess friend. 

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Call someone nearby to help and explain the situation

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) family and close friends b) go see all the people I want to see c) of course who doesn’t fear death

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. In order to love you need trust so love. 

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Burnin Up by the Jonas Brothers or Get Low by Lil Jon 

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? Not happening

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, Love and Communication 

77: How can I win your heart? Win my family’s heart

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes bc there are less social restrictions

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? To leave the first school - also to go to San Antonio last summer

80: What size shoes do you wear? 8-9

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? She loved Wonder Woman.

82: What is your favourite word? Fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. family

84: What is a saying you say a lot? “Listen”

85: What’s the last song you listened to? Say Something by JT

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? Pink, Black, Green

87: What is your current desktop picture? Picture of Abby Cadabby from Sesame Street reading a muppets version of harry potter 

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? The asshole in power in Venezuela

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Depends on who it is 

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Cry because mummies have been a fear since childhood

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Photographic memory when needed

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Either a very recent Saturday. Or a moment in San Antonio where I was just in the hotel room being the happiest I had felt in years.

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Ever riding Falcon’s Fury

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Nick Jonas despite knowing it would be awful 

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

New York or Chicago

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not atm

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yep. Tried swallowing pen ink and it made me puke

98: Ever been on a plane? 

Yep this past summer

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Be kind to one another. 

[unwillingtopost]

Actual Post from Facebook Which I Just Removed 9 years after posting it

25 Things About Me (Which I Wouldn't Have Written Had I Not Been So Flattered by Being Tagged in Other People's 25 Things)

February 5, 2009 at 11:53 PM

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.) 1. I am in love with my iPod.  I know lots of people are, but I literally feel I can’t walk to work if I don’t have it.  See #7.  I depend on it. When I haven’t charged it, or when someone steals it (see #6), I don’t know what to do with myself.  (On second thought, maybe this isn’t love.  See #4.) 2. At 38, I am not where I thought I'd be.  I'm not where either of my parents were.  While my landings aren't unusual, my routes are twisty and often involve me backing into parking spaces when it would have been perfectly easy to slide in forwards.  It just never occurred to me. 3. I like sports, but I'm a strange and inconsistent spectator.  In Chicago, it's a crime not to pledge allegiance to the Cubs or the White Sox, but I truly do not have a preference.  And I like watching (in decreasing order of interest) baseball, basketball and football, but only enjoy hearing the banter when someone does something that nobody has done since, say, 1928.   (I always secretly want the Yankees to win, even though most of the players I can name are from the late 1970s.) 4. I read advice columns.   Without discretion.  Regularly.  I have since I was a paperboy for the Journal News in 6th grade.  I do sometimes wonder how life would have been different if Savage Love was publishing then, instead of Ann Landers. 5. I could eat pizza every day.  Even if it’s frozen.  Even if it’s from Chicago. 6. Someone stole my iPod from my coat at JoJo Restaurant in New York.   When I tried to get a police report the next day, the police told me I should called them from the restaurant so that they could have searched people.  (Really.) But when they found out the iPod had been in my coat, they couldn’t stop laughing.  It was only my love (see #1, #4) that enabled me to finish writing out the report.  The police were still laughing as they drove away. 7. I enjoy taking the train to work every day.  Even if we had another car and parking was free, I still wouldn't drive to work.  Except on days like today (3 degrees Fahrenheit). 8. Details and roadblocks paralyze me. Fact: My gym supplies all clothes except for underwear.  Fact: The lockers are barely large enough to hold my sneakers and water bottle.  Problem: I can't figure out how to carry underwear every day to the gym because in order to store the bag in my locker, it would have to be about the same size as the underwear.  So I don't work out. 9. I still believe I have at least two books in me.  See #26. 10. I decided that if I could become a lawyer in three years, I could learn how to play the guitar in three years.  It’s been more than two and a half years, and to say I’m not quite there is a bit of an understatement. 11. I am hoping that by publicly revealing #8, I will shame myself into working out again.   12. Mark Garbett introduced me to skittles in fourth grade.  They’re still my favorite candy.  He also introduced me to bacon sandwiches. 13. I got my first tattoo in London by an artist named Marc Saint.  He was formerly a skier on the British Olympic team.  I showed up five minutes past closing, but he let me in.  After giving me my tattoo, he said he liked my story and didn’t charge me. 14. The gym is convenient—in my building.  And expensive—$89/month.  That should help.  You know, with the shaming. 15. I once sustained a deep love for musical theatre.  My parents took me to a Broadway show every year for my birthday from when I was about seven until I was about fourteen.  When I was 13, I auditioned for Oliver! on Broadway.  I sang “Consider Yourself” on the stage of the Mark Hellinger Theatre.   They let me sing about four lines.  (See #19.)  But considering the show itself closed after 17 performances, maybe not being called back was a blessing in disguise. 16. I eat meat, after spending several years as a vegetarian.  But only if I know where it came from and how it was raised.  See #21. 17. I tried to trade my car for a guitar, but it turned out to be less tempting for people than I’d hoped.  After a few weeks, I just sold my car the normal way, and used the money to buy a guitar. 18. It takes me more than an hour to get ready for work in the morning. 19. On the first day of tenth grade, I auditioned for the High School for the Performing Arts, entry for which also depended on city residency (I lived in Rockland County).   I gave my aunt’s address as my own.  At the end of the audition, the man who told me I wasn’t accepted meanly remarked that there were plenty of good acting schools in Long Island.  I was determined not to blow my cover.  Did he know, I asked, whether there were any in the Bronx? 20. I’m terrible at staying in touch with people.  I feel guilty for not calling/writing/emailing and then become overwhelmed and live in denial.  See #8. 21. I don't think it's wrong, morally or otherwise, to eat animals.  I believe, however, that animals have the right to live their lives according to their nature—including the movement, food and behavior normal to their species.  I also think that animals have the right to live free from abuse, torture or pain, and if they are to be killed for food, the killing should be done as quickly and humanely as possible, with the animal shielded from the anticipation of its death. 22. I’m not a big fan of cake or cookies, but I buy thin mints every year when they come around. 23. When I saw Rent in Chicago, I left at the intermission.  I thought it would be too rude to walk out during the first act. 24. I am a pack rat, and have a strong desire to keep a record of everything.  These traits are probably connected to my trust issues.   See #4. 25. It took me a week to write this list, which I edited and reread more times than I care to admit.  See http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1877187,00.html.

Responses:

Abby: Abby: #8...Don't know where to store your panties? Think walk of shame. I know you've done it. And I'm always available to help nice boys with their feelings of shame...(miss you!)

Rachel: SHAME ON YOU.  You are a very, very , very bad person for not working out - and for possibly not wearing underwear were you to do so.  You are surely going to hell, where there will only be very, very, very out-of-shape, lazy, degenerate, worthless souls just like you, consuming nothing but krispy kremes and pizza and beer for all eternity.  Wait, did I just make this sound too appealing... ?

My reply: Hahahah, I WEAR underwear, it's just that I can't toss the work-out pair into the same bin with the gym's clothes and the gym is next to the cafeteria, and........damn, Rachel, you're way too good at this shaming thing. :)

Matt: I think the coolest thing about this whole note is how your writing style is so like what I remember about your speaking style. I was able to read the whole thing imagining you saying it all aloud. Which was really cool, since it has been an age and a half since I last saw you.

Jodi: A tattoo?  Now you have me wondering what it is... #19 You didn't make it because you couldn't leave me alone at SHS right?  ;)  (for the record, I'm sorry you didn't make it) #21 Amen to that #24 I'm a pack rat too, although I prefer to call myself "sentimental".   You would laugh at a few of the things I still have although I'm not sure if you would remember. Lori does. :) My daughter and I sold 55 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies last month. 40 of them were Thin Mints. Skittles are my favorite candy too! Nothing here really surprised me...except the tattoo.  :) (So glad to see you on Facebook)

Pam: I so disagree with the author of the Time piece.  These lists are delightful in their random inconsequence.  And I think Cheerios smell a little like piss, too.   Greg, I can't believe your gym supplies workout clothes.  It's like junior high P.E.

Johan: 26.  Auditioned to be an extra in "The Manhattan Project".  Sorry, can't remember if you got a part or not but I think you did.

Alice: #4...I love advice columns, too. I don't remember a point in my childhood when I did not read Ann Landers. I typically evaluate the advice in the columns I read, and find it lacking. #21...CA just passed a law that ensures that farm animals will have enough room to do the hokey pokey. They probably won't, but they could if they wanted. After 2012. #13...I am more intrigued by the story than the tattoo. I second what Matt said...I can hear your voice in my head as I read this. Miss you muchly.

Johanna: I love your 25! What is your tatoo? Sebastien just got inot Linclon Park HS in the drama program!

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                                                                    JANUARY          2018

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*****Although companies can’t technically give financial support to a candidate, execs and employees can pool their money and donate. Let’s not forget those who gave big support Roy Moore: NBC Universal, AT&T, Aflac, Comcast, Lockheed Martin, Honeywell, Price Waterhouse Cooper, Pfizer, Boeing and Microsoft among others.

*****Check out the great new music video from This Ordinary Life featuring Chris Learned. Go Go Go!!

*****So happy to see Richard Gilliland on Criminal Minds. More!!

***** What went thru Hillary’s mind when she saw the crowd in the street yelling “lock him up” at Flynn. The former national security advisor admits lying to the FBI and was directed before inauguration while at Mar- A -Lago to work with Russia.  Wil this bring up charges of the Logan act in which people who aren’t in the government conduct business on behalf of the government in foreign policy?** ABC’s Brian Ross was suspended after erroneously reporting that Flynn was directed to do this before the election. ** Where is Hunter S. Thompson when we need him?

*****Days alert: I really do love Andre and Abby’s dynamic. **Good to see Kate get found and I can’t believe she later tells on herself.**I know that Nicole supposedly can’t get pregnant but will she come back one day with Eric’s baby?? Will there be a baby for Eli?** It seems that Sammy can’t ever be in town without bedding someone.**Great to see the fabulous Louise Sorel back as Vivian!!** Next up is GH’s Tyler Christopher as another DiMera heir, Stefan O. and Leann Hunley is back as Anna who will spend some time with Roman. Hooray.. There are new DOOLMOJIS, emoji’s of Days characters.

*****Scary clown has fired the entire HIV/AIDS advisory council by a Fed ex letter. 150 mil cut from HIV prevention, 26 mil cut from housing for people with aids, 800 mil cut from global programs.** The one good thing right now is the economy. The clown has the luck of inheriting Obama’s hard work. Many companies are doing better because regulations are being cut and money will be saved at tax time but how safe are the rest of us??  They may be uncomfortable with Trump talk but they will sure take the money.  I guess they can live with no good thought about human rights and climate change. And in foreign policy the President is Putin’s bitch.** Word is that they are working on more White House staff restructuring in January.

*****Reuters reports that Russian tankers are supplying fuel to North Korea by transferring it at sea.

*****Duncan Jones has launched an online book club dedicated to his Dad, David Bowie’s favorite 100 books. Woo Hoo!

*****Stories are coming out that the Dr. Phil staff aid in getting drugs and drink for addicts. There are also claims that people are not properly monitored by medical personnel.

*****The house passed the notion that conceal and carry can go from one state to another.

*****Cash cab is back with new shows after 5 years. Ok.. I did not even know it was gone but I guess the popularity of the reruns continues on the Game show network.

*****A mandate has been repealed so they will be able to drill in the National wildlife reserves. It never ends with these money guys. The Native American community are screaming out to keep Bears ears and the grand staircase safe and peaceful.** Mike Murphy calls our current predicament , “the first screwball presidency.”**

*****Scott Pelly is out as anchor of the CBS evening news and Jeff Glore is in. The network wanted to go with youth.

*****What is it with the History channel? They take intriguing subjects like HH Holmes, Jack the Ripper and The Zodiak and turn a few nuggets into yawn fests. The recent special , Manson speaks didn’t really let him speak much. The premise was that they had hours of Manson on tape but they only played a few select sentences at the beginning and the end of commercial breaks and the rest was mostly pontificating and talking to others. Harold Trues cousin was great though. There were some interesting people who had interaction with Manson or the family at various times and I did learn a few things but it wasn’t exactly as advertised. It did not need to stretch to 2 nights. Many of their specials are more of the same. One does have to wonder that with Manson’s death, will people come forward with new info? Hangers on or witnesses may have bought into his scary mystique and been afraid to talk and may feel more free to open up now. Will more mysteries get solved? ** Manson apparently left all rights to his image to a pen pa he has had for 20 years. News reports claimed he had no next of kin which we know is wrong.

*****Rick Steves is speaking out for the international legalization of marijuana.

*****Better late than never with Henry Winkler is back at the beginning of the year.

*****IBM has named Fletcher Previn its youngest chief information officer in their history.

*****Ads for the Olympics have already started.

*****Psych: The movie was delicious. Glad to see they did not lose their mojo.  There was a Richard Thomas mention. Go!

*****Word is that Stranger Things season 3 will hit us in 2019.

*****Have a wonderful 2018 everyone and fight on for the rights for all of us!!

*****John Oliver called out Dustin Hoffman for his treatment of women. Hoffman responded, “Do you believe everything you read?” The tone was as condescending as I have ever heard. There have since been more allegations. Since the incident John Oliver tells us that the conversation did not really go anywhere and it makes him sad.** Newest allegations in the me too, expose your pig era are against Tavis Smiley, Mario Batali and Morgan Spurlock. Andrea Ramsey is the first woman to be called out who had to drop out of a congressional race in Kansas after allegations that she harassed a male subordinate. And Gene Simmons is being sued which we should have seem coming. He was even put out by Fox news! ** Thanks Time for The silence breakers as the person of the year. In a world where these brave women are standing up after years of abuse, why are we still stuck with garbage like The Bachelor?

*****John Conyers retires.** We lost Al Franken and in his case it was barely mentioned that so many women signed letters of support and truly believed in him. He will leave at the end of the year.  I guess he had to go but he is such a fighter for the truth. He was one of the few who called out those taking our rights away. Tom Arnold claims this was all set up and the first woman was coached to bring him down and that he has proof but it is hard to believe him. He still hasn’t shown us the ‘proof’ of Trump and his filth that he claims to have. Will Franken be able to do more once he is on the outside again? What is all but the first allegation turn out to be nothing? What does that mean for his future? Tom Brokaw was right , that the people of Minnesota should have decided his fate and not a bunch of senators. Even Newt defended Al on Fox. Pelosi’s big mouth on Meet the Press helped to fuck this up. We must always believe the accuser first. But there are going to be times when accusations come for other reasons other than the truth. I always say.. follow the evidence.  Ruining a good man or woman is just as bad as rape.  But we must remember that only about 3% of sexual allegations are false. Trump and his cohorts know the left will usually back down. They love that the left are do gooders while they just deny and smile. They do not care about the “what about you guys?” stuff. The Trumpsters think Minnesota is a great place for “their kind” of candidate so they can gain more control.

*****Director Bryan Singer was fired from the Bohemian Rhapsody film for allegedly not showing up to work .Dexter Fletcher will now direct.

*****Ryan Reynolds will play Det. Pikachu?

*****ABC is bringing us Child support with Fred Savage and Ricky Gervais. I am not much of a game show fan but I am intrigued.

*****So it seems that those in charge at House of cards were listening and put Robin Wright at the top of the heap and will continue.

*****Homeless numbers are up mostly due to soaring rent prices.

*****The Trump announcement about Jerusalem was good for some more distraction and chaos. Nothing may ever happen with the newly named capital and it would take years before things were ever moved anyway. Why is this twitter coward allowed to put us thru this over and over? Why is he still holding rallies? The White house says he is testing lines for his next election. He is seeing what the base is most excited about because that is all he really seems to care about. So far, their research shows the talking points that get the biggest reaction are standing for the anthem, winning by a landslide, distrust of the media and appointing conservatives

*****The John Travolta /Gotti film pulled its Dec. 15 release date. Producers exercised a buy back clause and are looking for a new distributer.

*****We are finding out that teaching creationism is a big part of the reason Trump and Betsy Devos are so gung ho about this voucher school program.

*****I was so shocked to hear Donald Sutherland say he thought of himself as an ugly man. I vehemently disagree as I always thought he was so fucking hot.

*****The new tax plan gives tax breaks for private planes and inherited estates that are over a million. The plan will add a trillion to the deficit and seems to keep adding more incentive to the rich with every passing day.** Since 1980, the economy has transferred 8 points of national income from the poor to the rich according to the Washington Post.

*****The critic choice noms are out giving the top spots to The Shape of water and Feud: Bette and Joan. Others include Daniel Kaluuya and Jordan Peele for Get Out, Patrick Stewart, It , Stranger Things, The Crown, Bob Odenkirk, Michael McKean (yes!), Allison Brie and Glow, Ed O’Neill, Jessica Lange (no Susan?), Judy Davis, Laura Dern, all the late night Jimmy’s, and the only nom for AHS for Evan Peters.

*****This month’s Fox headline: Andrew Jackson: hero under fire!

*****The Librarians are back on TNT doing their goofy best with that great cast and its better than ever.

*****Christiane Amanpour is now on in place of Charlie Rose on PBS. Great show but I don’t ever remember her wearing that much makeup.

*****Brooklyn 99 has had a great season. Think Bovine Brothel!!

*****Baskets is coming on FX.WHEW!!!

*****What happened to the voice on the quilted northern commercial? They have now opted for a softer, more optimistic voice. Did the other voice scare people or make them cry?

*****Love HBO’s Rolling Stone: Stories from the edge. So many memories come flooding back from articles I have read thru the years. They include some of the most important stories from our recent past, lest we forget. Please tell me there is somebody deep undercover in the scary clown administration. Speaking of which, Omarosa is out and seems to want to sell her story but trouble is neither side seems to like her or trust her so how will that play out?

***** Will history lay a lot of blame, good and bad on the Clintons for the direction of this country?  They already point out the sexual allegations against President Clinton everyday somewhere. Did he usher in this movement?  The Paula Jones case made it possible for a sitting President to be sued which seems to have backfired on the republicans. Can you imagine Trump sitting for a deposition? Oy! Will Hillary be slighted for not winning and sticking us with Trump? There were many things in play in the election so is that fair? **Pete Davidson got a Hillary tattoo as a gift for her for Christmas. His statement: Thanks for being such a badass and one of the strongest people in the universe. I mean no shit..If the roles were reversed on the candidates: The President seems like a sore winner, can you imagine if he had lost? And can you imagine how well the government would be running with a woman in charge (except , of course all the trouble the haters would have caused).

*****A federal appeals court overturned a ruling that Brendan Dassey had been coerced into confessing to the murder of Teresa Halibach. Next stop: The Supreme Court. Let the guy out, what a ridiculous waste of time and resources.

*****The scary clown administration has told the CDC they are not to use the words Diversity, transgender, fetus, entitlement, vulnerable, evidence based or science based.

***** I am not always much on tradition but with all the ridiculousness going on we don’t hear enough about the niceties like the first lady decorating and the White House Christmas ornament which this year honors Franklin D. Roosevelt. SAD

*****Why were the republicans allowed to build this tax reform bill behind closed doors? This is not how our democracy is supposed to work. The mostly rich white male republicans just keep seeing how far they can go and they keep getting their way. They just do it. They had Trump so why not Moore?  We can’t forget how close that election really was with an accused teen loving monster.** I mean we all saw that focus group where the citizen said that his Grandmother was married and had kids by 13. Ok that is true enough I am sure. But then he added that years ago a Mother would be thrilled to hear that their 14 year old daughter was being hit on by a DA. What the Fuck? This is the mentality we are dealing with. No care for character or the hate they spew for those that are different as long as they get their way. Outlaw abortion, guns for all, more money allocated for the old useless trickle down and crow about Jerusalem makes everybody happy. Some evangelicals said their votes were their sacrifice for the greater good. My son commented that he did not see them as making the sacrifice, it was the teenage girls who sacrificed, not once but again and again as they are dragged thru the mud.  Isn’t the main objective of Christianity to convert others to the word of God? Is this the way to do it? It seems you are only pushing others away? Who wants to knowingly become a part of the hate? Why does some of the media never learn? They concentrate mostly on the allegations and not enough on the other horrible things that came out of his mouth. Why not tell us the wonderful things Doug Jones did in his life and the things he stood for? Of course, Mitch McConnell won’t let him vote on the tax plan. C’mon REAL media concentrate.. quit looking at the shiny object. It will be good for all of us.** And why do so many people not vote?  It makes me crazy that someone would not want to exercise a right that was so hard fought for?  Are they too stupid? Too cool? ** By the way  Roy Moore is now suing Alabama because he is such a sore loser claiming he has proof of voter fraud( yes, we are still on  that kick) and he also states that he passed lie detector tests about the teen victims.

*****What is with people on the computer in the government? Do they never learn to keep things to themselves? It will always come back at ya. This time it is people discussing what an idiot Trump is. Well, we all know that but don’t make inquiries easy for them.

*****Saw an interview with Judd Apatow. He said something about all films aren’t winners or something as he referred to Walk Hard. Oh.. what a shame, just because it isn’t a money maker. I always thought it was his best film.

*****Gotta see David Bowie: The last 5 years.

*****Disney has bought much of Fox which includes interest in Hulu and National Geographic.  Fox will keep the sports and news for now.

*****The Illinois Governor race is heating up with Chris Kennedy, Jeanne Ives, Daniel Biss and JB Pritzker with his empire behind him.

*****Anita Hill will lead a Hollywood commission looking into sexual harassment and advancing equality in the workplace.

*****The Golden Globe noms are out and will be presented on January 7.  This year there are nods to The Disaster artist, Get out, The Crown, Stranger Things, Elizabeth Moss, Claire Foy, Bob Odenkirk, Issa Rae, Feud and love for both Susan Sarandon and Jessica Lange, Jessica Biel, Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman.  Supporting noms for Alfred Molina and David Harbour are exciting. The shape of water did big at the globes as they seem to be doing everywhere. I was so glad to see Ozark and Jason Bateman get recognized. Yeow! Oprah is getting the Cecil B. DeMille award which I was hoping would go to Kurt Russel.  They have done away with Mr. and Miss Golden Globes and rechristened the children of the famous the Golden Globe ambassador. This year we have the Rock’s daughter.

*****SAG also released their noms. They will air on TNT January 21 with host Kristen Belle. Jessica and Susan from Feud and all the women of Big little lies are included. Glad to see Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin from Grace and Frankie along with Alison Brie, Layra Linney, Elizabeth Moss, Millie Bobbie Brown and Claire Foy.. The casts of Glow, Veep, The Crown, Stranger Things and Curb your enthusiasm got some notice. Larry David and Marc Maron, Jason Bateman, David Harbour and Bob Odenkirk show us the fine work on TV. The movie noms pay respect to Laurie Metclf, Sam Rockwell, Woody Harrelson, James Franco, Daniel Kalluya and Gary Oldman.  The casts honored are Get Out, Mudbound, Ladybird and Three billboards.** There are so many great shows out there but I would love to see some recognition for Major Crimes and The Middle.

*****Don’t get me started on the new class for the 2018 Rock and Roll hall of fame. Again.. and I get so tired of saying this NO J. Geils?** So here it s: Bon Jovi (really), Dire Straits, The Moody Blues (about time), The Cars, Nina Simone and the early influence award goes to Sister Rosetta Tharpe.

*****The moment between Joe Biden and Meagan McCain was a heartfelt, spontaneous, bipartisan thing of beauty. It shows us how we can find our humanity. And on the other side it was a smart political move.

*****OMG.. Michael Shannon was on the best At home with Amy Sedaris ever!!!!!

*****The Trump administration officially downgraded climate change to a national security threat.

*****Thanks Karina Longworth for the most recent podcast of You must remember this: Where monsters come from.  Bela and Boris are two of my earliest childhood heroes. It is a nice break from the recent political landscape.  Hmm, pigeon and rum omelet dinners??** I also just read that James Franco is a big fan of the podcast. Give it a listen, you will be hooked.

***** A judge ruled that the FBI’s listing of juggalos as a gang wasn’t a ‘final agency’ so it isn’t legally binding and could not be challenged in court.

*****The bidding has begun for The Weinstein Company.

*****Ringo Starr and Barry Gibb will finally get their knighthood.

*****R.I.P. The victims of the train derailment, Simeon Booker, Pat Dinizio, Richard Dobson, Bruce McCandless. Dick Enberg, Bob Givens. Jordan Feldstein,  Marshall Loeb, Sue Grafton, Jack Blessing, John Anderson, Jim Burns, Erica Garner and Rose Marie.

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