#and I know sm doesn’t mean shit but when they post party pics with him but don’t post about his career that got them all this free shit🙃🙃

[releaseholiday]

I love being controversial 🙏🏻 so i'll speak my opinion, i don't give a shit if they are childhood friends of louis, most of the time they seem more freeloaders than friends

Bestie that’s not controversial at all😭😭 they’re leeches

[lovlidollie]

hii can i request for crybaby!reader? >_< From what i can understand, Rafe is mean to her but he knows when to stop (does he?), so i imagine the first time she does something that pisses him off, like wearing a very short dress to some party or posting a very revealing selfie, obviously she doesn't do it with bad intentions, nor to make him angry, but that doesn't stop him from going completely crazy about it and filling her with messages and she doesn't understand why he's so angry :( then he can see in person that she doesnt really get it but he still acts mean for a while cause he loves seeing her all confused and teary :3

u r absolutely correct, rafe is so so so mean to her sometimes but he knows when he’s gone too far n when he should stop (theoretically) i love this sm i hope u enjoy lovely !

crybaby!reader who’s finally got the courage to put on the cute lil dress that she bought impulsively a couple weeks ago. it’s white and lacy and it makes her feel pretty! she even did her makeup and spritzed on extra perfume! she was sad that her rafey wouldn’t be able to come coz he was too busy doing business with barry, but she was sure that he’d like the dress too c:

she’s so excited to get out of the house n party with her friends that she doesn’t realise the dress is a teensy tiny bit too short. topper was hosting the party n when she shows up his eyes widen and his mouth drops, because he knew for a fact rafe would never let his girl wear something so short without him there. she greets him with a hug, n she’s so sweet that she thanks him for having her over.

a couple drinks in and crybaby!reader’s having the time of her life. she’s swaying about with her friends, giggling n having fun, smiling so wide when one of them pulls out their phone to snap a pic. she’s such a lightweight that she’s already tipsy n a little dizzy. the harsh light of her screen hurts her eyes but she manages to repost her friends story to hers! it’s such a cute pic she thinks, just as a ping comes through.

rafey ♡

the fuck do you think you’re wearing?

instantly her mood drops n a frown replaces her smile. did he — did he not like her dress? did he think it was ugly? already, she feels that dreadful lump rise up in her throat n she has to excuse herself to the bathroom.

crybaby

um

just a new dress i got

she waits with baited breath for his response, heart stuttering at the three bouncing bubbles. she’s biting her lips, leg bouncing anxiously against the tile.

rafey ♡

you seriously thought it was a good idea

you must be dumber than i thought

she promptly bursts into tears. she hates making him mad, it makes her feel like she’s disappointed him n that he doesn’t like her anymore.

crybaby

didnt

think it was that big of a deal :( jus thiught it was cute

on the other side of the screen rafe’s brows are furrowed, scowl deepening at each of her words. he’s been with her long enough to know that the typos are because her eyes are too blurry to type properly.

rafey ♡

‘cute’?

think your ass hanging out is ‘cute’?

think dressing up like a slut is ‘cute’ huh

the second i’m not around you go and do this

she’s ruined her makeup by this point, mascara running down her cheeks and lip wobbling so hard she can’t stop it even if she wanted to.

crybaby

m really sorry

i didnt mean to make u mad

promise rafey i didnt know it was short

jus really wantd to look ncie n pretty for u

rafey ♡

do you have any idea

how many guys probably stared at your ass tonight

it’s like you like to piss me off on purpose the fuck

fucking shit

there’s a three minute pause where rafe doesn’t respond or say anything at all and it has her losing her mind. she spams him with messages, apologising over and over again, telling him that she didnt mean to, that she’d do whatever he wanted if it meant he wasn’t mad. finally he responds;

rafey ♡

stay the fuck where you are.

coming to get your ass.

the full stops make her think that he’s really really mad at her. she sits there, hands shaking so hard she drops her phone. some douche yells behind the bathroom door, complaining that he has to take a piss n she has no choice but to open it and wobble off. self-consciously, she keeps pulling the hem of her dress down, teetering on her little kitten heels as she unsteadily moves down the stairs. she sees topper, concern filling his features once he notices her wet face. he sets his drink down, striding over immediately to lead her to a quiet corner of the house. top doesn’t say much, grimaces when he gets a text on his phone a few minutes later and gets up to leave. crybaby!reader’s too out of it to care. she just — doesn’t understand. doesn’t understand why rafe’s so mad at her :(

she rubs her eyes, smearing eyeshadow n glitter everywhere, and looks up just in time to see top walk back with rafe in tow. his lips are pressed into a straight line, jaw clenched, and eyes stormy. she stands up, stumbling into his arms. she wants nothing more but to be held n kissed n told that it was okay.

“top.” he says straightforwardly, giving him the signal to leave. rafe looks down at his girl, heart clenching at how ruined she looks. he knows he was being mean, he knows he shouldn’t have said half of what he said. he sucks on his teeth and holds her by the shoulders, eyeing her up and down. he can’t deny that she looks good. the dress flattered her, emphasised her pretty legs, n he feels a thrill of arousal go through him as he thinks of ripping the pathetic excuse of a dress off her.

“‘m really — hic — real sorry daddy, pl-please don’ be mad. please.” crybaby’s eyes are so red n puffy it almost makes rafe change his mind. almost.

“shit’s shorter than it was in the picture. the fuck were you — what the fuck were you even thinking huh? lemme guess, y’weren’t, right? i gotta do all the thinking f’you. can’t even leave y’by yourself for five minutes before you’re strippin’.” he’s got that mean, mocking tone that makes her wanna shrivel up n die. despite wanting to see how much longer he could draw this out, n as much as loves seeing her all teary n confused, guilt chips away at him. rafe opens his arms and flicks his head, and she crashes into him with a sob. past all her sniffles and wails she manages a, “‘m real— really sorry for disa— disappointin’ you.” she can barely get the words out before a fresh wave of tears overcome her.

rafe sighs deeply, letting her cry into his chest. “jus’ tryna protect you, what part of that don’t you get, kid.” he rubs her head gently, coaxing her into a calmer state. “not all guys are good guys. it’s fine if y’want to wear short shit, jus’ not when ‘m not there.” she nods furiously, agreeing with him instantly n it makes rafe feel high.

“none of this cryin’ shit now, hm? y’didn’t disappoint me, kiddo. ‘m sorry — uh — sorry f’bein’ so mean t’you. dad’s gotta be mean sometimes, y’know? it’s the only way he can be sure it’ll get through t’ya. gonna go home now — y’gonna come home w’daddy ’n you can show him your pretty dress there, ‘kay?” rafe pulls off his jacket and wraps it around her waist, covering the back of her thighs n her peeking ass. she cowers into his side, gripping his shoulder tightly, afraid that he’d leave her there.

he tugs her closer, leans down and presses a kiss at the crown of her head. “attagirl, there we go.”

[bunnys-babies]

Celebrating Your Birthday

AOT x gn!reader

warning(s): nada :)

a/n: I believe this was an anonymous request for just Jean and hc’s about celebrating his s/o’s Bday - but I’ve expanded it to a general AOT HC post for more peeps to enjoy :) - I hope you guys like!! mwah

characters: jean, eren, armin, porco, & connie

Jean

not one to necessarily go all out theatrics wise, but he definitely cares about it being meaningful

He gives you two cards every year, one to open up in front of friends and family that’s usually just a simple one that goes along with the actual gift (something very basic and probably a little silly lol)

But the second one has a handwritten note that’s a lot more personal and sentimental, definitely the kind of emotional letter that needs to be read in private for his emotional sake and yours

And you truly do get one every year

It’s about his favorite moments he’s had with you that year, his favorite moments to come, anything new he learned about you that he never wants to forget, etc. it’s honestly something he looks forward to writing you every year

Expect flowers and a little cake just for you in the evening - he doesn’t like making too big of a show of things so he waits until it’s just you too to give them to you. Or he’ll drop them off at your house in the morning as well

Dinner is also ALWAYS on him - whether it’s home made or y’all are going out, you better be sitting tf down while he treats you

And similar to the card, you usually get at least two “bigger” gifts from him

One just being a simple gift card or pair of shoes you’ve been eyeing

But the other is a little more personal; like a necklace with your’s and his own birth month flower pressed into the small pendant (very very cheesy man indeed)

Or a framed picture of what the stars looked like on the night of your first date

BASICALLY he’s a sentimental mush who is completely enamored with you point blank period <3

Eren

You get a cheesy hand made coupon every. Single. Year.

It varies from “one free hot steamy make out sesh ;)” to “one free ‘stfu eren I’m begging you”

And he has no shame - you get these in front of everyone cause he likes how embarrassed and grumpy you get when everyone starts giggling about how “silly and cute you two are”

You’d think it’s his birthday with how giddy he is all day

Like I mean allllll dayyyy

He wakes you up with the cutest little smile and messy bun (he kind of looks like a toddler who just woke up on Christmas morning - it’s very endearing so you look forward to it) and presses all kinds of kisses to your face telling you it’s your birthday like you didn’t already know

Not too big of a social media poster but he never fails to post a simple “happy birthday :)” under a pic of him giving you a kiss on the cheek while you were still in bed that morning

He gets his mom to make a big deal out of it too (as if she wouldn’t on her own) - she arranges you flowers out of her garden and makes sure to give them to you herself with a little piece of string tied around it with a little note attached

If your family is a big party thrower for your birthday you can bet your ass he’s coming with his mom and having sm fun with them and you

if they smush your face in the cake he tries really hard not to laugh but he can’t help it sowwy - makes up for it though by helping you clean up and discreetly letting you do the same to him (he likes to let you think you snuck up on him)

Armin

“Oh my goodness, is that the birthday baby?”

^ says this literally every time he sees for the first time, every year. Doesn’t matter if you find it cute, embarrassing, cringey, he WILL do it. And in a little mocking baby voice, too.

But he always gives you a hug afterwards so it’s worth it

“I got you ~something…”

^ says that too LOL

He gets you the most random shit you’d never even think to ask for but yet it’s something you want or enjoy every time

He gets very creative with the wrapping too - he’ll fill the bag with sticker flakes too as a fun surprise (and it’s purely for himself cause he has an addiction with buying stationary he doesn’t need and this is how he tells himself it’s okay)

Expect breakfast brought to you as well, doesn’t matter if you’re at home, work, class, he’s bringing you a little sweet treat cause he cant help himself

He’s very touchy and affectionate all day, more than usual, cause something about it being a special day for you just makes him all excited

Lots of handholding and little secret kisses while you’re out with your friends

All in all he’s very attentive and it’s really cute :)

Porco

Let me say this first, he has intentionally acted like he didn’t remember it was your birthday ONCE and it backfired and he felt like a complete asshole

Did he think it’d be silly to be like “hmmm is today important or something?” Yes. Did it come off that way? Not in the slightest and he’ll take it as one of his biggest regrets all the way to the grave

Moving on

He actually does really care about your birthday LOL

Even if it’s not a big deal for you he just can’t grasp it

In the most loving way, he will tell you it’s the stupidest thing he’s ever heard if you were to tell him “it’s not that big of a deal Porco!”

He can’t fathom why it wouldn’t be that big of a deal - “it’s your fucking birthday so shut up and let me pamper you >:( 💝”

On top of the usual things, y’know dinner, presents, friends, family, etc. he’s really into making cute little relationship goals with you??

Like getting out a jar and putting things you want to do with each other over the next year in them on little pieces of paper

The plan is to pull them out at random over the course of the year and keep the slips of the ones you completed

But even if you do literally none of them its fun to dump them out the following year just to see what’s changed and what’s stayed the same

He’s planning for the long term always

Connie

He knows your birth time and makes sure to freak tf out when it hits and be like omg it’s ~officially your birthday 😏😌

It doesn’t matter if it’s 4 am he will call you or wake you up himself just to tell you happy birthday

One of his toxic traits honestly

If you work or have class that day he IS expecting you to skip if you don’t have it off already LOL

he won’t make you but he will be surprised you actually work

He believes that you shouldn’t have to do a damn thing on your birthday cause you’re his angel and how dare they make you actually do things.. appalling (although he doesn’t feel the same way on his own birthday - he actually gets pretty bashful when you make a big deal out of it, it’s really cute I promise)

Expect an onslaught of embarrassing photos of you to be posted online - which you’re tagged in all of them - with some embarrassing little caption like “happy birthday my little Weiner 🥺☹️”

Also if ur even a day older than him he makes sure to bring that up every year and call you a cradle snatcher - sorry not sorry

ANYWAYS

He’s also really sweet when you first see each other that day though

You get a sweet kiss on your cheek and a whisper in your ear, “happy birthday”, swaying back and forth gently with his arms around your waist

It’s a little embarrassing sometimes cause it feels so intimate if it were to happen in public, but he doesn’t let it last long enough to garner attention

Afterwards he always makes sure to give you a bone crushing hug and your “birthday punches” he said spankings once in front of his mom and he almost threw up

If you plan on drinking on your birthday too he’ll always be your designated driver for the night, making sure u get home safe and allll that good stuff <3

——————

taglist: @d1lfluvr @plutowrites @carmillous @pretty-pop-princess-hs @alonezz @venusackerman @mossygreys (if you’d like to be added just lemme know!)

[cwopf]

MY THEORY OF GILLOVNY

What if these two actually are together in real life. What if it IS a possibility. As lunatic as it seems, I can’t help but think about it. I have a life of my own, believe me, yet I keep coming back to this thought every once in a while, because I admit I’ve never seen anything like it before and I am not someone who gives even a flying fuck about celebrities. But these two make me wonder and I don’t know what is it about them, but I somehow want to believe in them.

What if their undeniable chemistry truly is real and their love is so much more than just a friendship.

What if Peter Morgan truly is nothing but a colleague and some kind of publicity she caught herself in, because even with all the “proof” of them being a couple, something just doesn’t sit right.

Her behavior, the gestures around him, it just doesn’t seem like a well loved, happy beyond dream kinda woman, I don’t physically see it. I truly don’t get the “love of my life” vibe. Do you?

Stiff, reserved and all in all a bit cold even, they truly make me wonder if it might be just a PR stunt. And, look, if I saw her crazy happy with a guy I’d be happy for her, totally. But, this? Nah, I don’t buy this shit.

Which, when I look back at all the gillovny moments, as crazy as it was, makes me believe that it was more than just an acted out exaggeration. And not even just a deep, year long friendship.

What if it truly passed all of that and became a romance at some point, and a big one. It certainly did look like it at a time. And while it currently looks like it had already ended, it made me think - what if that’s the point?

It takes a fool not to notice their ways towards each other, and even with all the denials, which sure make it hard to believe, when you see it for yourself it naturally comes as a possibility. It seems like a waste not to pursue something like that.

If we go back to the hints. The random sightings. Some might be made up, I am sure, but then some seem just crazy accurate.

What’s with the random dates in their lives, how can it all be so synchronized. Is it just random luck or is it an ode or a message to one another of some sort?

Why were they spotted in the same places so many times, randomly and out of their professional time together. Why the visits on sets, the airport sightings, the deleted tweets that seemed to reveal a little bit too much, the supposed holiday trips to the same destinations.

Why do people in the biz say stuff like “You mean Gillian and David? They’re not married, but they have been together for a while now.” Why does a random person (who apparently works for tv) on fb wish them a happy bday, then posts about how they have been together for a while now and how it was a nice surprise. And why would someone just say that out of the blue? Yep, it probably meant nothing. But, again. What if there was some truth to that? And that was only a fucking year ago.

How do two people accidentally get crippled at the same time? Also the stories from that same event, of how they love each other and their gestures towards one other, them arriving together and entering separately? What the hell are people noticing? Wasn’t she already kinda supposedly taken by then?

Why does she always wear the link bracelet, she wore it in their “good times” and it truly seems like a gift from D, which, of course, we will never know matter of fact, but it just feels like it. She has it on constantly, it seems so telling. She also wears it on red carpets with PM all the time and on almost every photoshoot. What IF it is from DD, wouldn’t that say something?

Also the necklace with a link he once wore on the stage of one of his concerts, could that very link be a part of her chain? If yes, then that is some deeply romantic shit.

Also the recent interviews, one in particular comes to mind. First, her mentioning her supposed boyfriend subtly and only saying the name out loud when asked about it, then proceeding to talk about her “partner” and telling a story of how they were talking about the aging process, but how they respect it because they are both going through it. Why does it feel like the mentioned totally fits someone else, like she’d discuss such a thing with someone who has been a part of her life for a long time and she had inevitably experienced this process with during the years. Does this click for anyone else too, or am I crazy and making up shit?

This was the moment when I stopped to think if just maybe there was a crazy possibility of David still being in her life.

Why does she speak about it being so good not living with her man and how she doesn’t see him that often, but when she does it’s special and it works for them.

While she must have been seeing her “current man” on set all the time. Do you notice how a lot of stuff that are supposedly about PM just don’t add up? Also, again, does the story make you think about someone else as well?

Also, have to throw this in here. The Christmas Jonathan Ross show. The sudden David (dick) reference. The Rob Lowe (apparently a good friend of David’s) saying “not far off from what I’ve been told” then both of them giggling together, almost as if an inside joke. The kind that gives off the vibe of making you wonder if the size thing’s something she’d accidentally blab out and brag about jokingly at some dinner party they once shared.

Why does she usually not give a fuck about half the stuff said, yet she would feel so shaken by people’s disbelief to publicly put it out on twitter about PM being the “love of her life” just to defend that idea? Why does it not seem like her at all? Why do I feel making a joke or being sarcastic about it would fit her more?

Is her SM being totally under control?

Maybe the penis and yoni of the day (along with Nelson) are one of the rare outlets right now, even that being some pre-approved idea for having it seem like she’s being her regular self, cause that’s something that we know fits her character.

But when you think about it, it is still a mini subtle commercial for SexEd. Which I love, yet...Netflix. Again.

Also, the constant mentioning of Netflix along with PM in her stories, desperately trying to fit him somewhere. Like the “what do you eat during quarantine” and bam: “when me and Pete hosted a dinner we froze a chocolate cake...” Riiight. Is it just me, or does it seem like trying way too hard?

Which makes me think of all the contrary. If we go back to the past Gillovny fuckery...“he’s in the shower” and “I’m with schmoopie” shirts and “chewie’s girlfriend” and the twitter saga. What if it was intentionally done that way to make people think “what if”, but obviously take it as a joke, because of course that’s what it is. But was it? Maybe they just knew no one would truly buy it so they could play around for a little bit and actually be a couple for a minute, make out on Kimmel and fuck around on twitter. Propaganda? Maybe.

Some truth in that? God damn it, almost feels like it. Sure felt way more natural, sexy and loving than any of the stuff going on today.

What if we hate MP for no reason, what if she’s just truly a fucking assistant, a help and nothing but it. What if G hugged her after the play in London out of gratitude, because she’s just a prop they need to act this shit out. What if it’s all a big shitshow, but a shitshow nonetheless.

What if I will say the silliest shit of all time and boldly assume...that behind all of this which we do not understand, D&G are still together and fine. What if it was meant to feel like the end to us. But they are there, in secret, because it’s somehow better for them, because they prefer it that way.

What if the shoe pic of “working from home in my Dune London shoes” a day prior to his 60th birthday is just another way to turn people away from that idea and subtly make them not even question anything, while in reality she is with him, somewhere, celebrating his 60th birthday. And things are much brighter for them than what they seem.

I might be so wrong, so off. But something is going on in the background and there are way too many things I do not buy.

Also, it was honestly more probable to me that they were once together, but fell apart somewhere along the way, I believed that and it totally seemed like a probable scenario.

Until the very subtle, yet interesting stuff that have been going on made me question it again, maybe it’s silly, but when I connect the dots, like the constant bracelet wearing, the talking about a partner and not mentioning the name, but referencing stuff that feel completely Gillovny, aging with someone, long distance shit, random people still stating “they have been together for a while now, nice surprise”. Maybe it’s a load of bullshit, but it also just makes it seem like he still might be there, somewhere, after all.

How the hell did I end up here? I ask myself this constantly. I still have no idea.

Yes, it is so fucking crazy. But this is where I leave this at.

[beecherdrysdale]

Hiii my bbs, I hope you are well. Get ready for a longgg post.

Some opening thoughts:

Brigid and I will be buying new chains for our boys. Esp for Quinner because he doesn’t have one and I want to start seeing this 🥵 look. Kesh care to join us?

- a baby that looks like Jamie and has his cute freckles. Brigid knows what I’m taking about.

Also brigid would like like Jamie’s beanie vv much so now we both are in that club because I have quinners and Brigid has Jamie’s.

- Mykonos is gorgeous. That is that.

- I am loving Brigid tracing Jamie’s freckles while he sleeps🥺 and I find it adorable that Brigid can only sleep with Jamie :)this would so be insta worthy photos.

- hehe yes to getting beeped by machines!! Okkk I’m glad, so Lexi is busy with Quinner means that we are just getting coffeeee. We aren’t like you and Jamie who make out in arenas.

- hehe Jamie would just be glaring at cozzy when he sits down, and cozzy becomes slightly terrified so he gives up the seat but still wants $50 because he wants to buy himself something on the flight. He goes to sit w his sleeping buddy devon. Kesh and Kirby are just to cool to deal with our crazy shit in the morning.

-no sore neck for Dylan. Thank you brigid. Yes to all of these soft moments. Playing with each other’s hair, the freckle tracing and the slightly heated make out that you would be having while Dylan is sleeping because I don’t think he could handle that lol. Another thought jamie just helping you fidget less because you keep hitting the back of Bowen’s seat and he’s sleeping.

- Kesh and Kirby are like the star couple, they are just perfect with each other. I understand why you wouldn’t want to know us esp when quinton Braden and Peyton start to throw snacks over the seats.

-honestly if I had that much coffee I would probably throw up, but kudos to Quinner for passing out after consuming all of that. I want freckles kisses but also I would play with jacks rope bracelets and w his hair 🥺. You would probably get really annoyed because of my leg tapping so Quinner also needs to calm that down as well.

- me slapping Ryan to wake up is just vv funny to me. Yess to them admiring our hair . Whenever I travel to warm places my skin always clears uppp so it’s nice.

-yay we are all sharing rooms w our bbs. hey hey

hey I’m not that dirty minded but like how can you resist? I don’t wanna hear to much from the two of you I mean it 😏. Omg I just had an idea imagine everybody just running into each other’s rooms and chasing each other. I hope we don’t walk in on you two lol. And we all settle in one room and have a slumber party lol. Face masks w the boys ‘I’m sorry why is it green’ ‘calm down, it’s a cucumber face mask it’ll hydrate your skin’ and then when they take them off the boys are glowing heheh.

- ok so I’ve bought an entire new wardrobe for this trip lol l. Ooo shopping would be vv fun. In this reality we have money hehe. Jamie carrying you into the water is 🤌 and I love it. Me and Quinner still need to be chaotic so we push each other into waves and then Brigid and jamie join. Meanwhile Kesh and Kirby are just chilling. Yesss with the hair slicked back and just wrapping your legs around their waists and maybeeeee kissing.

-finally me and Brigid are on the same team. Like Ryan you hit me in the face brigid will hit you 2x harder. Yess to all of us having moments on the beach at night.

- apparently we had some eventful nights😏 ehich I love even some of the boys because they want to have summer flings so no early morning for us. I love hotel breakfast as well esp if they have a buffet because you can eat as much as you want.

- cliff diving: ofc Brigid and Dylan go first because they are literally not scared of anything. aww you grabbing Jamie’s hand while he’s terrified. While that’s happening me and Ryan are hyping each other up, we slap each other on the backs etc. And we start to run and I get Quinner to come even if he’s terrified. I’d probably yell ‘let’s fucking goooo’ Brigid I’m making you the person that yells Marco the entire time lol cuz you are the swimmer of the group. Hehe us blaming Kesh and Kirby because they couldn’t figure out how to get out of the water. just a thought, wouldn’t it be better if you stay with the boys just in case they have trouble swimming and you can help them. And maybe I can go with Dylan and bond with him a bit. Any way works tho :). Hehe once everybody gets to the beach we are just crawling because we are tired from swimming and we just sleep on the beach lol.

- I’m good with dong half and half- snorkelling and scuba. Awww you holding Jamie’s hand and pulling him along. Same with me and Quinner and kesh and Kirby. I was terrified lol . Oo that’s so cool that you got to swim with turtles. That’s great for 8 year old Brigid:)).

Ooo a catamaran is so fun as well. Anyways dylan is just talented at everything. So he plays guitar and maybe he can help me reawaken my guitar skills. So I just watch him lol. Finally somebody who doesn’t make fun of me listening to the mamma Mia sound track. I love it sm and it just gives off the biggest Greece vibes. Aww and all of us just singing softly. And then just cuddling with the boys in the sun and me taking a bunch of photos! Aloe Vera it is😏😏.

Side story: so brigid you are playing music on the speakers while we are on the boat and Jamie goes to change the song and sees that there is an adorable photo of you and him as your wallpaper and he asks ‘you have me as your lock screen’ and you blush and say yes and he gives you the biggest kiss and then the rest of the boys are like awwww and all compare lock screens. And then Quinner looks at mine and smiles same w Kirby.

Yayyy us dressing cute all of hair is in natural waves/curls and getting dinner at a cute restaurant. and then exploring the nightlife in Mykonos. Ooo the drinks are a plus to us being chaotic at night. Like we would laugh so much at night. Awww kisses under the moon and then backkkk to the hotel for spicy evening pt 2

Side note: so imagine we already had dinner and we just start exploring Mykonos and we come across a live band playing outside and Jamie sees people dancing and then asks you to dance:) and you ofc agree and you just have the most intimate slow dance 🥺 and you just stare into his eyes and then tuck your face into his neck. Kirby also sees and asks kesh to dance and they are just admiring each other. And then Quinner sees me pouting and crying over you two and asks me to dance as well and we also slow dance. The rest of boys also find some ladies to dance with.

Next day: we decide to explore Mykonos like going to see the ruins and historical sights. So we all set off in the morning. Since Greece has a lot of alleys and stairs everyone some of us ( me and Ryan I fall down the stairs sm ) accidentally fall down the stairs ‘oh for fucks sake why do I always have to fall’ ‘what about me Lexi?’ ‘ you’re a hockey player you fall all the time anyway’ so we just bicker and you guys laugh and Quinner helps me up. ‘Hey Brigid we heard you and Jamie last night’ ‘shut up Cole we saw that girl sneak out of your room lol’ so everyone is just chirping each other the entire time. We get to the historic sights and we are all in awe and take a bunch of photos. Then we go get lunch and just chill. After that we all return to the hotel in the evening and we all get dinner. All in all I am loving this trip. It’s just so great.

Also I realized that pro tennis players go there during off season and so if I see one of them I will totally ask for a photo and go play tennis with them one afternoon. ‘Omg guys Serena William is hereeee’ and I just run off lol.

- another part might be happening but I might start with our Europe tripppppppp.

Ly thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy 🥺.

omgggg all of this is fucking amazing!! i love all of it, and ofc you guys lexi and kesh💕 anyways longggg post ahead

ok so first some random thoughts

ok so first of all new chains for the boyssss. quinner needs to start wearing one for lexi asap, and kesh and i are getting new ones for kirby and jamie. tbh they’re just as much gifts for us as for them lol

omg yessss i want a bb jamie. and his freckles 🥺🥺 i’m sorry this child is going to be so pale tho

hehe all of us out here stealing beanies. jamie’s beanie just looks so soft and i want to wear and then i can play with his hair better when he’s not wearing it too lol. and ofc lexi gets credit for starting this trend with quinner 

ok moving on to the flight lol

pleaseee i just want to trace jamie’s freckles and play with his hair while he sleeps. and us only being able to sleep with each other 🥰🥺 hehe please someone take pics for us

lmaooo yes lexi is busy GETTING COFFEE with quinner. and no need to bring jamie and i into this lexi, please and thank you

hehe cozzy making jamie give him $50 to switch seats so he can buy food on the flight. it’s ok cozzy isn’t really mad bc he can sleep better by devon anyways, he doesn’t have to deal with dyl and i’s crazy shit. lmaooo love kesh and kirby ignoring us

lol you’re welcome dyl for keeping you comfy, you better be getting me food to pay me back later. and then me and jamie just being soft 🥺🥺 tracing freckles and playing with each others hair. awww just peppering each others faces with kisses and then it somehow turns into a makeout. good thing dyl is asleep so he doesn’t slap one of us lmao. omg yessss jamie holding my hand or putting a hand on my leg so i’ll stop fidgeting the whole time so bo can sleep lol

awww yes kesh and kirby are adorable together, we love that for them. haha honestly same, i can see why they don’t wanna sit by us

 hehe quinner just has insanely high coffee tolerance, so he’s passed out on the plane lmao. but that gives lexi the perfect opportunity to play with his hair and rope bracelet. hehe he might pretend to still be asleep for a while after he wakes up bc it feels good. and then once he wakes up he kisses your freckles and he just puts a hand on your leg so you’ll stop kicking my chair (ty quinner)

lmaoooo i want to see you slapping ryan awake. and then us looking cute with our curly/wavy hair and our clear skin

ok so first day in greece

all of us get to share rooms with our bbs:) also i said we would try to keep quiet, i don’t know what more you want from jamie and i. i don’t think you and quinner are exactly silent either at night lmao. omg yesss running into each other’s rooms playing hotel tag! hehe i advise if you see a singular piece of clothing on our floor then you leave, bc i keep my room freakishly neat. but anywayssss i would dominate hotel tag, i love that game and i have a lot of practice lol

omg yes slumber party!! we can watch movies and stuff together and make the guys do face masks lmao. ‘why is it green’ ‘wait mine’s grey’ ‘i don’t want this shit on my skin’ ‘guys just put them on, it’ll be good for you’ omg yessss when we take them off they’re just glowing, love that for them

hehe all of us girls going shopping together to get cute new clothes bc guess what? we have moneyyyyy. and all the guys are just like where did they go

hehe yes jamie carrying me and then quinner and lexi pushing each other in behind us lol. but then ofc jamie and i join bc we’re (read: i’m) overly competitive. and kesh and kirby just chilling on the beach lol. and then i loveeee moments in the water, just like the slicked back hair and wrapping legs around waists and definitely maybe kissing

hehe yes lexi and i are the dream team. ryan i will beat you tf up if i have to lol. awww and cute moments on the beach at night 🥰

next dayyyy

hehe late breakfast bc we had eventful nights and don’t wanna get up early. and then i’m eating sm at the buffet lol and the guys are just like how? bc i’m just a very hungry person in general lol

hehe ok cliff diving: obvi me and dyl first bc we’re the daredevils, but i also pull jamie with us bc i don’t want to leave my bb behind. and then you and ryan hype each other up and you guys come next but then you pull quinner with you too, bc you don’t want to leave him behind. hehe i’m not being marco the whole time sorry, whoever gets tagged becomes marco. hehe and then once we’re ready to get out we blame kesh and kirby that we don’t know how lol ‘wow thanks mom and dad, how helpful’ jk we still love you kesh!! honestly i’m down to either, stay with the guys in the water or climb up, i did do rock climbing for a couple years tho so idk if that makes a difference. but then also they probably need help swimming and you want to bond with dyl, so honestly up to you:) 

snorkeling and scuba diving - all of us holding hands with our bfs and swimming with them🥺 hehe yes little brigid was really just living a wild life lol. anywaysss then we’re back on the catamaran and dyl’s just playing music and then we give lexi a turn and she’s surprisingly good for having not played in so long. and then singing mama mia is so fun! and just hanging out on the boat in general and having fun and cuddling with our boys. and then ofc we have to use aloe vera lol

hehe yess i have aux on the boat, but at some point i just ask jamie to go change the song and he knows my password, but i forgot he doesn’t know i changed my wallpaper. so then he’s sees the pic of us cuddling together in the airport and he’s just like ‘i’m your wallpaper’ and i just blush and go ‘well, yeah’ and he just comes over and hugs me and gives me a kiss. so then everyone’s comparing wallpapers lol, and so quinner and kirby are vv happy when they see lexi and kesh’s

yesss all of us looking cute and exploring mykonos nightlife. haha everyone’s at least a little tipsy bc it’s super easy to get drinks there. hehe all of us super loud and laughing and stuff, love that. and then moonlight kisses🥰 

awww yes, we’re exploring and we see a live band so jamie asks me to dance. and i blush but ofc i say yes, so we’re just having the softest most intimate slow dance🥺 staring into each other’s eyes at first, but then i tuck my face into his chest bc i get nervous with eye contact. and then ofc kirby has to ask kesh bc they’re #couplegoals and they’re just admiring each other while they dance. and quinner isn’t the best with social cues so he doesn’t pick up on it right away, but then he sees you’re sad and asks you to dance with him and then you two are adorable together. and the other guys ask some girls to dance, and guess who ends up coming back to the hotel with us that night lmao

next dayyyyy

oooh yes going to see the greek ruins, and there are a tonnn of alleys and stairs and stuff. so ofc you and ryan fall down them (and i by some miracle don’t). hehe you: ‘why tf am i always falling?’ him: ‘what about me tho lexi?’ you: ‘you’re a hockey player, it’s kind of in your job description’ and you guys keep fighting lmao, but ofc quinner helps you up 😍

and the chirpssss that would be going on all day lmaoooo ‘hey brigid, we heard you and jamie last night’ ‘oh fuck off, i saw a different girl come out of your room this morning cole. what are you doing, trying to go through every girl in mykonos by the time we leave?’

and then ofc sightseeing and taking lots of insta photos, and then we all go to get lunch together. imagine the people who have to serve our table, i feel sorry for them lol. and then we could just go back to the beach or smtg before dinner and then back to the hotel 😏

final thoughts

at some point lexi sees a really good tennis player and goes to get her picture taken and see if she can practice with them, and kesh and i being the good friends that we are chase after her to take the pictures lol. hehe and then lexi abandons us to go play tennis with them for the afternoon

ugggh this was amazing and i love it, i’m excited for another part of europe, i’m down with either bc both would be amazing

ly too 🥰 it was amazing, i was so happy to read it

[flowerfan2]

Group Texts Are Ridiculous (Or, Five-0 Starts a Group Text)

McDanno, T, A03

Summary:  After Steve leaves Oahu to go find himself, Five-0 starts a group text to keep in touch while Steve’s away.  Picks up after the end of Season 10.

Notes:  This story is set in the present, following 10x22, but there’s no COVID in it.  I wanted it to be fun.  The story is complete and will be posted over the next few weeks.  Many thanks as always to my awesome beta, @perryavenue. And apologies in advance for any formatting errors on tumblr, I spent forever fixing it up for A03 and it probably won’t translate easily at this point!

Chapter 1

April 2, 2020

Group message:  Tani Rey, Junior Reigns, Lou Grover

TR:  You guys going over to Steve’s to say goodbye tomorrow?

 JR:  Yeah.  Still think we should have a party.

 LG:  The man’s had two parties and a lunch already – how many send offs does he need?

 JR:  I don’t know, he didn’t seem to like them very much.  Maybe he needs a better one.  With just us.

 TR:  He’ll be fine.  Plus, there’s not really any time left.

 JR:  What about tonight?  He’s not coming in today, right?

 TR:  He’s got plans, Junes.

 JR:  He does?  I thought he said he had work to do around the house?  We could bring pizza and beer, help him out.

 LG:  He’s got plans with Danny.

 JR:  Danny won’t mind the help – he’d be happier supervising, anyway.

 TR:  Lou, what are we going to do with him?

 LG:  No idea.  Nothing’s worked so far.

 JR:  Are you guys talking about me?  That’s not very cool.  At least fill me in.

 TR:  Sweet Junes, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m not sure we can help.

 LG:  But bring that beer over to my place tonight, and I’ll do my best.

 TR:  I’ll bring chips.

  April 3, 2020

 JR:  Okay now I feel really bummed out.  Why did Steve leave Danny down on the beach like that?  We should have had a party.

 TR:  Chill, Junes, he’ll be ok.  He’s just sad.

 JR:  Do you mean Danny or Steve?

 LG:  Yes.

 JR:  But Steve is the one who decided to leave, he shouldn’t be sad – I don’t get it.

 LG:  It’s not a straightforward situation.

 TR:  Good one, Lou.

 JR:  I feel like I’m still missing something.

 TR:  Wouldn’t be the first time.

 JR:  Hey, should we add Adam to the text?  Because he’s standing over there petting Eddie and it feels kind of awkward that we’re all texting.

 TR:  Sure, Adam is definitely sort of not really barely on Five 0 these days… why not add Jerry while you’re at it?

 JR:  Okay.

 LG:  I think Tani was joking.  But we should add Danny and Steve, it’ll give us an easy way to keep in touch while Steve’s away.

 TR:  You think it’ll work?

 LG:  Look at that sad boy down there on the beach.  It couldn’t hurt.

 TR:  Sounds good.

 JR: …so should I add Adam or not?

  April 5, 2020

 JR has changed the name of the group text to Keeping in Touch with Commander McGarrett

 JR:  How’s your trip so far, Commander?

 SM:  No need to be so formal, Junior.  And good, thanks.  Ran into an old friend.

 TR:  Wow, so we’re going to start with that, are we?  You know Danny’s in the chat, right?

 DW:  How do you think Chin knew Steve’s flight info?

 TR:  Wait, so the old friend was Chin?

 SM:  Yeah, Catherine was surprised, too.  She thought I was going to Tahoe with her.  Not sure where she got that idea.

 DW:  Careful what you say, there are kids present.

 SM:  I didn’t say anything bad.

 DW:  You were thinking it.

 LG:  Not to change the subject or anything, but how are Abby and Sara doing?

 SM:  They’re great.  Sara’s adorable.  Smart as a whip, too.  

 DW:  You gonna stay in San Fran a while?

 SM:  Yeah, a week or two.  See the sights.  I hear they have some great Italian restaurants.

 DW:  Now you’re just being mean.

 SM:  Nothing could rival your lasagna, Danny.

 DW:  Aw, you’re forgiven.

 SM:  Anyway, thanks for giving Chin the heads up that I was coming, Danny.

 DW:  No problem.  Had to make sure you weren’t going to immediately start free climbing rock faces or something.  Need to at least let the jet lag settle.

 LG:  Say hi to the Kelly clan for me, will you?

 SM:  Of course.  Gotta go, Abby and Sara want to take me to Alcatraz.

 DW:  By boat, right?

 SM:  Danno, people swim away from Alcatraz, not to it.

 DW:  Leave it to you to start a new trend.

  <b>April 24, 2020</b>

 <i>JR has changed the name of the group text to</i> <b>Keeping in Touch with Steve</b>

 SM:  Hey, just want to let you guys know that I’m going to be out of contact for a while.

 DW:  As opposed to the past few days, when you answered approximately 5% of my texts?

 LG:  You headed out into the woods?

 SM:  Desert, but yeah.  Gonna do some camping.

 DW:  Maybe you’ll see a bear.  Beat some sense into you.

 JR:  Are there bears in the desert?

 TR:  No, but there are snakes.  And spiders. Be careful, those things can be vicious.

 DW:  Yeah, careful is his middle name.

 JR:  What’s Danny so mad about?

 TR:  Not the time, Junes.

 DW:  I’m not mad, I just know how he is.  He’s probably hoping to see some snakes.  Maybe shoot a rattler, cook one over his campfire.

 SM:  I have no intention of shooting anything, I’m just going camping.

 DW:  Since when is going anywhere without shooting something fun for you?

 SM:  I’m not exactly here to have fun.

 TR:  Um, Steve, you okay?

 SM:  Signing off.  Talk to you guys later.  Give Eddie a hug for me, I miss that big guy.

  April 25, 2020

 TR:  Junes, you awake?

 JR:  Yes, are you?

 JR:  That was a joke, I know you’re awake, you texted me first.

 JR:  This is just a text between us, right?

 TR:  Yeah, it’s just us.  Lou and I are done with the stake-out, we handed it off to HPD.  Lou’s driving me home.

 JR:  Did you talk to him about Danny and Steve?  Danny seemed pissed in the group text.  What’s going on?  

 TR:  I tried, but if Lou knows what’s going on, he’s being unusually tight lipped.

 JR:  I wish Danny was back at work.  It’s weird with both him and McGarrett not there.

 TR:  He’s got at least another two weeks until his ribs heal enough to get cleared to return to active duty, at least that’s what he told me yesterday.

 JR:  Can’t he come back to headquarters, though?  I would have thought he’d want to come back, especially with him being in charge now.

 TR:  Temporarily in charge.

 JR:  Yeah, whatever.  Didn’t really sound like that when the governor stopped by, did it?

 TR:  I don’t know, Junior, I really don’t.  But Danny doesn’t really seem eager to get back to work.  Maybe he’s had it with us.

 JR:  With Five-0?  You think he’s gonna do the restaurant thing again?

 TR:  No, that was a disaster.

 JR:  Well, I hope Danny comes back to Five-0.  Otherwise Adam might think he’s got a permanent spot.

 TR:  You really don’t like Adam much, do you?

 JR:  I don’t know, he seems to have an explanation for everything.  But I don’t trust him.  Not like Steve and Danny.

 TR:  I miss them too.  But Danny’s around anytime you want to talk to him.  He whispered in my ear for two hours yesterday when I was questioning that record store owner who tried his hand at money laundering.

 JR:  But Steve’s been pretty out of touch.

 TR:  I think that was the idea of his trip.  It’s definitely going to be a long summer.

 JR:  You think Steve won’t be back until fall?

 TR:  That’s my bet.  September, refreshed and ready to go.  But I really don’t have a clue.  What do you think?

 JR:  Sooner than September, that’s ages, Tani.  Why does he need to be away so long?

 TR:  You’d have to ask him.

 JR:  Tani?

 TR:  Yeah?

 JR:  One more thing… I think we forgot to put Quinn in the text group.

 TR:  Shit.

 May 4, 2020

 LG:  Grace has got skills, Danny.  She’s beating Steve at his own game!

 TR:  Um, what are you talking about, Lou?

 LG:  Steve and Grace went surfing in L.A.  Big waves, too.  Didn’t you see the pics on Facebook?

 DW:  You’re showing your age, Lou.  Facebook is for old people.

 LG:  Grace posted on it, she’s not old.

 DW:  She only puts pics on there when she wants her parents and grandparents to see them.  They’re carefully curated.

 TR:  Why am I not Facebook friends with Grace?  I feel left out.

 JR:  Ditto.

 DW:  You should both feel free to friend her.  I’m sure she’d friend you back.

 TR:  I’ll look for her insta instead.  Probably get better stuff.

 LG:  Do you even know Grace?

 TR:  Rude.

 JR:  Ditto again.

 DW:  That’s the same thing.

 JR:  No, I’m actually saying ditto for the second time.

 LG:  This group text is more ridiculous than Grace’s sanitized Facebook page.  

 TR:  At least if Steve’s surfing we know he made it out of the desert.

 LG:  On a horse with no name.

 DW:  Now you really sound old.

 TR:  Dad joke alert.

 LG:  What’s wrong with dad jokes?  I am a dad, after all.  I’m quite proud of being a dad.  I deserve to make dad jokes.

 TR:  Try making better ones, at least.

 LG:  Danny, you’re a proud dad.  Back me up here.

 DW:  Proud, yes.  As uncool as you, no.  

 TR:  Settle down, you’re both old and uncool, no need to get worked up about it.

 DW:  Fine.  This old guy is staring at some very nice looking steaks, and was planning on lighting the grill soon.  Assuming you’re still willing to eat my food despite my advanced age.

 JR:  Tani and I are getting in the car now, we’ll stop for beer on the way. Jerry said he was coming, too, and bringing fruit salad with no pineapple, just for you.

 DW:  Yet another reason I like Jerry.  And did you guys talk to Quinn and apologize for not including her in the group text?

 TR:  I did, and she actually seemed relieved not to have to deal with us all outside of work.

 DW:  Seriously?

 TR:  No, of course not.  I already added her.  She’s on now.

 QL:  Hi guys.  Danny, thanks for inviting me.  I’m bringing margaritas and guac.

 DW:  See, already glad you’re in the chat.  Sorry Tani forgot you.

 TR:  I did not forget Quinn!  

 LG:  Tani has been suitably repentant, Danny, don’t worry.  And do put my name on two of those steaks - Renee made her special chocolate cake with mocha buttercream.  We’ll be there soon.

 DW:  Does your wife think I’m dying or something?  She only makes that cake when someone’s sick.

 TR has changed the name of the group text to Chocolate Cake For the Detective’s Soul

 TR:  Maybe she thinks it’ll make your ribs heal faster, so you can come back to work and make sure Lou doesn’t do anything stupid.

 DW:  Tani, not for nothing, but it’s not Lou I’m worried about.

 TR:  That building wasn’t that tall.  I landed in the pool, and apprehended the suspect on the way down.

 DW:  I rest my case.

[jlf23tumble]

Agree so much with your post about the teams and fan engagement ! And love the way you articulated all of that. Although now I definitely am interested in knowing what your notes about the specificity of each team/artist cause I feel like they'd be fascinating to read. Hope you'll post them some day, and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us ! 😊

Awwww, that’s very kind! It’s definitely head canon city, I litcherally have ZERO clue what goes on behind the scenes (and I can’t stress this enough, none of us do), so this’ll look hilariously dated when we find out that blah woof was true all along, lmao (me @ myself, thinking of some random Grimshaw interviews from last fall, oh, bless). Let’s dig in!!

For those of you who just stumbled upon this post, it’s related to the one I made last night about how I think the management teams of all these men (mid-20s means = you’re a man, not a boy) are not, in fact, sabotaging them. They negotiate a lot of tricky interconnected arrangements that none of us are privy, to, plus they’re at least trying to achieve the goals their clients are going for. And they’re doing it—the trick is these goals are highly individual and not 100% sensical (at least given our own view from the afternoon, Arctic Monkeys ref, holllllllah!!!).

In addition, these goals constantly shift, as does the music industry itself—I drive my own self loony when I lurk on blogs that are seemingly broadcasting from 2012, confused by why xx’s team is so “terrible” because they aren’t throwing good money after bad to get on a radio playlist, or why they haven’t announced yy “properly,” as if they’re being paid to worry about this level of shit (which fires me up on about five levels, deep breaths in, deep breaths out). I’m much nosier about the signals we’re getting when we hear them talk in their beautifully media-trained way about their musical interests, when we get some of that sweet, sweet fan service with a Gallagher or a Capaldi, when we get that heads up about who’s attending what concert, stuff like that. These signals don’t necessarily indicate future collaborations, but they DO indicate what kind of image these guys want to have, the kind of music they want the public to associate them with.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself…their personalities and goals at the moment are all so vastly different, and I truly do love seeing how their teams are workin’ it accordingly. Again, please @ god, don’t @ me…opinions, massively unpopular opinions, dead ahead!

* Zayn. My read on Zayn is that he enjoys the creative process, loves writing and singing, digs collabing with people, but he doesn’t seem to give two shits about the biz side (and why should he? that’s called living the dream at this particular point in his career). His website recently added “tour,” which EYEBALL EYEBALL, but he doesn’t seem to be all that interested in putting himself back out on stage or into radio/print/etc. anytime soon, and again, why should he? His numbers are HUGE without pushing himself through the anxiety-provoking churn he endured for four years, so there’s no real drive for him to do any promo if he doesn’t want to (see: the netflix-like binge dump of Icarus Falls, which could be “sabotage,” or it could just be, “fineeeeeeee, here’s some stuff for you, enjoy”). What other artist gifts his fans with gorgeous covers of such a wide variety of songs that indicate he’s more interested in sharing them than selling them. Accordingly, his fan interactions seem fairly pure and not all that promo-y: he has a keen interest in fanart, he’s done some fan pop-ups/listening parties that are pretty low-key and *seemingly* fan-focused, and recently (with zero anything to really promote), he’s been posing for cute pics and chatting with randos on the streets of NYC. I recently read that his mgmt team is no longer with him, but that sort of folds into my feeling that he’s not pursuing anything biz-wise, hence no need to jump through those particular hoops (I think he’s also struggled with a lot of demons, so yeah, why add one more). Could he be adrift? Maybe, but the next guy is the posterman for lack of focus….

* Liam. Honestly, I worry about Liam most of all. His post-1D career seems very much adrift, and I like to joke that he’s giving me that tell-all about the D one sentence at a time, but goddamn, are people listening? The struggles with alcohol, the lack of focus on every level, the reliance on his dad’s career advice (which more clearly reflects his dad’s financial class, background, and history than it does Liam’s), and the overall confusion about look, sound, and direction also flow back directly into his team. I get the feeling that they aren’t sure what to do because LIAM isn’t sure what to do or what he wants, so they follow in his wake. He’s agreeable to a fault, so seeing him at a meet-and-greet at an HMV in Birmingham last week felt like a step back into 2010 for no real reason, just like hearing that he was more or less coerced into full nude photoshoots for an underwear ad (the decisions to say yes to both of those—who’s steering this ship? If it’s Liam, he needs to tell the team his overall goal, so they can plot a course he and his fans can follow; if it’s the team, ditto). Like Niall, Liam’s actually pretty good at the SM game: lots of selfies, snapchat filters, outfits, gym service, twitter interactions. But generally speaking, his promo is confusing, and that’s probably because there isn’t much *to* promote at this point, other than a mix of collabs, clothing endorsements, spon con, horse farms, and an album that’s always on the horizon. This might be tied to the general post-1D jolt they all went through, like a plane coming off autopilot and into the hands of someone who’s just learning how to fly it. Zayn debuted at number one, so his bump wasn’t as harsh, but the others are slowly, steadily finding their footing after taking some time to find themselves and their sound, releasing songs/albums, performing (or in Louis’s case, going through unspeakable tragedy). Liam’s still adrift…and somewhat admittedly, which is kind of telling in its own way. Just know that my nervousness on his behalf ratchets up every time he feels the urge to assure us all that he’s happy.

* Niall. Truly the one following the original 1D template, right down to working with most of the same people but with more of the overall control in his hands instead of a faceless management squad. Of any of them, he seems the most ambitious, the most scientific about the sound he’s after and how he’s gonna get there. His promo is a mix of new and traditional—radio shows, talk shows, podcasts, special events, twitter interactions with fans, twitter interactions with entertaining celebrities—and it’s all hustle hustle hustle, build build build, as if he were a new ingenue instead of coming up hard on solo album number two. He’s explicit in his goals, which is refreshing, but it means he walks a weird line with fans: on one hand, he’s done with their bullshit, get ready to get rekt if you start commenting on his boring food seasoning or home décor. But on the other hand, he fully recognizes how much he needs them, which is why we get so many peeks into his “normal” life (yet zero percent of his actual personal life). It’s also probably why the blatant tweets of the last two days seem so jarring to me (I might be alone on this one, but I’m not a fan of directives in general, and asking me to call radio stations on behalf of a rich white man to become even richer just rubs me the wrong way, same with asking me to stream stuff to get you to number one…you’ve been there, buddy, how about you calm down and build some character at number 51). And speaking of calming down, it does fascinate me that both Niall and Louis namecheck Taylor Swift as someone who gets the whole fandom push/pull thing right, so watching them try to reverse-engineer her secrets is fun. Louis nails it (that hotspot treasure hunt: chef’s kiss), but Niall’s heavy-handed easter egg dump in NTMY, she would never!! I think Niall’s team needs to watch “Calm Down” about five more times before they try that again.

* Louis. I think Louis honestly has an AMAZING team in place, and they’re all clearly on his side, which makes for a refreshing change. Like Niall, he has publicly praised Taylor Swift for how she engages with her fans, but I think he’s missing a key point: she doesn’t let her fans dictate strategy, and I HOPE that’s the case for Louis, too. His old team *was* shit, so yeah, encouraging people to do fan projects to get the word out was a good idea, but turning that spigot off to let a good (paid) team step in and take over has been, uh, challenging. He’s dealt with more than his fair share of personal tragedy, but every time he gets some momentum going, it feels like something bts pushes him back off track, and he tends to keep it private, which only makes his hardest-core fans scream “sabotage.” Rightly so, he’s focusing on his personal life, and rightly so, his team is giving him the space to do that, even when it costs cash money and throws a lot of shit seriously for a loop. It makes my heart soar to see the potential of what his team can do/is doing, how much space he’s being allowed to process what he needs to process. Weirdly, that’s an unpopular opinion, and a lot of people want to indulge in an angst wank fest where Louis’s the victim of a terrible team that won’t DO anything (nevermind the fact that he’s probably ASKED them not to do anything), so they undertake a tremendous amount of performative unpaid labor that ends up being counterproductive on just about every front. Even worse, most of them can’t seem to process the fact that losing your mum is a blow, losing your SISTER is a blow, juggling other siblings or close friends handling some serious demons of their own in the aftermath of all of *that* is a blow, let alone handling your own personal coping mechanisms, nope, they want Louis to release release release, perform perform perform, c’mon, what’s holding him back, he *said* he wanted to release an album this year, there’s “no reason” for a delay, gotta be his shitty team, free him. It drives me ‘round the bend because it’s the same talk from late last year, you know, when we later found out that at least one family member was losing a fight with drug addiction. Louis’s fan engagement/promo is therefore hella fraught: he has to balance LouisTM on twitter (Mr. Donny, he’s hard, mate), his werk IG posts, and his constant edging because nobody can remember or trust that he’s got this, that multiple things are in play. But he also knows his fanbase, knows that it’s resistant to any kind of change, so I hope he pushes through and stays true to what he wants to do. I was really encouraged with his last promo round because he seems to have narrowed in on a something solid, he’s got a plan, and it’s not, “hey mr dj, put my record on,” it’s getting his fans to trust that he and his team know what the fuck they’re doing, and spoiler alert, it ain’t radio, but go ahead and keep pissing off djs by sending angry tweets their way. (Related: why is it so bad to avoid the radio when all of us admit that radio music is garbage? Is it because it’s more about you than him? Much to think about.)

* Harry. My very favorite head canon is that Harry is Jeff’s nightmare client: what was perfection at first because the Azoffs are old-school promo all the way (no SM, baby, gimme that sweet, sweet paper), and that dovetailed nicely with post-1D Harry, but it quickly veered into mulish teeth pulling. Low profile can quickly spin into no profile, and that really doesn’t work too well when you’re trying to sell sell sell, even if your brand is Harry StylesTM. HS1 and Dunkirk in their own separate ways worked VERY hard to push past the still-persistent way the general public views Harry as boybander Harry Styles, or more accurately, former boybander Harry Styles who dated Taylor Swift (if you venture out and ask someone who’s not a fan), but what I love about Harry is that much like Zayn, he doesn’t seem to be too bothered by all that. Sure, he’s ambitious, he wants to challenge himself and do things, but he’s no Niall Horan. He’s put in his time! If he gets a number one, then cool, but he’s not gonna chase it. And this is where Harry’s team really reflects his goals and energy: sure, they want him to do some promo (that “Do” tweet, the entire bit about the fan in Australia and Harry Lambert’s follow, goddddd, I loved it, petty Harry, resigned Jeff), but they clearly aren’t forcing him. He drops a song that makes a HUGE splash, and the follow-up is…liking some tweets and going to a John Mayer concert (not a John Mayer fan, so that wouldn’t be my first choice, but I respond to the zero fucks given about the whole thing). The music industry has changed a LOT in just two years, so it’s kind of cool to see team Harry pivoting a bit, seeing more SM interaction, the kindness generator, etc., but that said, the team takes their cues from him, and he clearly doesn’t want to do a whole promo circuit beyond persons a, b, and c, and magazine R, F, and A. Does it make sense to have Rob Sheffield write a profile about Stevie Nicks-blessed shroom-eater Harry Styles when his new song sounds like the Zarry combo of my dreams? NOPE, but that’s okay, Harry wanted to talk to Rob, so that’s what happened. The new song is more streaming friendly, and thank CHRIST, a lot less crusty white dude stuck in the ‘70s, so I can only hope that the rest of the album is thus, but we shall see! We’ll also see if Harry’s fan engagement shifts any further into the active zone…so far, it’s been “I’m gonna follow some larries, like these fun generator posts, check out a few dads” and staged photo ops with the same familiar faces, but I think he’s dealing with his own major bts issues as well (album delayed at least twice; that entire stalking situation). I still contend the album’s coming in the next few weeks, so it’ll be interesting to see if/how any additional promo rolls out in this new world order post-gryles landscape, how many interviews he’ll do, but I like that there’s a strategy that seems less stodgy…kudos to the new SM team, at least!!

Oh man, that got really long! Hope you enjoyed, and YES, opinions opinions opinions, and they’ll be stupid in about three weeks’ time, thanks for coming to my already dated buzzfeed article

[houseofglass]

When Jensen released the video announcing the conclusion of the series, I had a very weird feeling. I respect their decision but I think it was more Jensen idea than Jared and this annoys me a lot, but it seems that if you say something like that you are not a real fan. What do you think about it? You have no idea of ​​the insults I took because I dared to say that Jared and Jensen think differently...

I agree with you Nonny. I think it was Jensen’s idea too.

Bottom line: Jensen wants to move on, therefore, the show must end.

Longer version:

Jared has wanted to leave the show for a long time. Or, maybe not leave, but definitely not be in front of a camera for a while. He’s said that he’d like some time off after spn ends, but any actor that takes time off rarely gets back in the spotlight. But he wouldn’t leave as long as Jensen wanted to keep doing the show. Jared didn’t want to put the crew out of work (Oprah had similar concerns with her show, and I think she gave two or three years notice before ending), but he was also burning out. The show gracefully allowed more characters to reappear, which gave Jared a lighter workload. This worked for years.

Jensen wants to stay in the industry, but that means they can’t just end spn, they have to plan it out to the last day. In that planning is prep work for Jensen to show the industry who he is, what he’s capable of, and that he’s on the market again. That involves PR work to help guide public perceptions. This can be seen by Jensen’s public image lately: Architectural Digest shoot, King Bacchus, FBBC heavily promoted, and the texting ad, just to name the ones off the top of my head. This is radically different from Jared’s public persona: meeting fans, partying, drinking, and marathon running.

The video showed me that Jensen is ready for the next step, but Jared needs more time to mourn. But houseofglass, you said Jared wanted to leave! Yes, but he holds his emotions much closer to the surface than Jensen does. I think Jared, even though he’s tired, would have kept going on with the show just to keep his lifestyle afloat. I also think that even though they planned this out, seriously planned it, that it wasn’t real for Jared until they told the crew. As long as the workplace was in the dark, Jared could keep his fantasy of leaving alive. But once it became reality, several things probably fell into place for him.

What are those things? This depends on your perceptions Nonny. I don’t know if you’re a tinhat, a shipper, or a casual fan, so I’ll give a couple of explanations.

Casual Fan:Both have said they’ll keep going until the writing doesn’t work. Well, objectively, that would’ve been a few seasons ago. I mean, God’s sister? Crowley had a mother? WTF? The writers have been adding extra characters, presumably to give J2 time off, but the show has suffered as a result. Anyway. Let’s move on.

Jared’s adult life has been consumed by this show. He was 22 when he filmed the pilot, and is now 37. He has no idea of what adult life is without the show. Everything hinges on it. Travel, family time, filming, vacations, work related PR, conventions, meeting fans, all of it. Sure, he acted before the show and had a life before it as well. But his formative adult years were spent at one job. Imagine being married during the same age range for the same duration. Ending that marriage, whether toxic or not, is difficult.

Without the show, Jared has to figure out who he is and what he wants to do to fill his days. That’s really scary for someone who has mental illness or spends a lot of time inside their own head. As soon as the crew was notified, Jared had to face up to the fact that he agreed to this, that his life will now change, that his cornerstone is going to be gone, that it’s now REAL. So while he might have been ready to move on intellectually, he wasn’t quite ready to deal with the reality of it.

Jensen wants to keep working and try new things. Supernatural is holding him back. Don’t @ me, it is holding him back. He’s typecast. Pigeonholed. He’s Dean Winchester; tough guy with a soft heart. Trying to get another role will be difficult. If he stays in the industry and works behind the scenes he has a better chance, but first he needs to put spn behind him.

He knows Jared wants a break. He knows the crew will be unemployed. He knows spn contributes a lot to Vancouver/BC’s economy. He also knows he has to do difficult things to get what he wants. He has to end the show, and do it gracefully. I have no doubt he’s shaken up by his decision, but is comfortable with it.

Jared, however, seemed less comfortable with it even though he’s made it clear he wants a break. Wanting something and getting it are two different emotional states.

Shipper:Shipping isn’t a problem for J2. Kim Manners used to show them the Wincest fics and even print them out and post them on a bulletin board. J2 found it funny and a good release of creative energy. Neither appeared to have any issue with shipping.

Until they did.

Jensen could brush off all Destiel shipping questions pretty easily at first. It was an expression of creativity and his attitude was ‘to each their own’. But some Destiel shippers became militant and started asking invasive questions at cons. They also started hounding him on SM about Destiel. He’s handled it very well over the years, despite the hatred he received in return. But when he said, “Destiel doesn’t exist” at a con, I think that was the turning point for him.

Dean Winchester was a character Jensen really liked. Kinda tough, liked cars, masculine, good-natured, free lifestyle, that kind of thing. But somehow Dean got boiled down to half of Destiel. And I don’t mean with just the fans. I have eyes, I’ve seen the show, they queerbaited Cas and Dean when Cas was new. Although I think a lot of that queerbaiting was in the editing room. They could slow film down or change the colour saturation if they chose to, and this could change the audience’s perceptions of what’s going on.

Sidebar: I watched a show named unREAL which was about the producers of a show like The Bachelor, and in unREAL they demonstrated how to make two people look like they had chemistry. I had to pause the show, rewind, and watch again. I didn’t know that slowing film down could make glances seem significant. I know now.

So, here’s Jensen, playing a character he likes, only to have it 'twisted’ into something he doesn’t believe it is. For a while this was fine. Let the fans think what they want, it brings in ratings, it doesn’t change how he acted. Then it wasn’t fine, he got more and more irritated with the whole thing. If he kept going on with the show, he might have had to play a character in a way that was more like pandering and less like being authentic to the character.

On that note, Jensen has been distancing himself from Misha over the years. Why? Because Misha fuels Destiel whenever possible. Well, not lately. He’s switched to Sastiel. Anyway, despite being able to draw a crowd at a con with a Destiel panel, Jensen only does one a year: Jus In Bello. Please gently correct me if I’m wrong here, but I’m sure there’s only one Destiel panel and it’s in Rome. Jensen participated in the charity campaign with Misha, but not much since then. I suspect he did it because TPTB insisted he do something, and he agreed to the YANA campaign. Remember, celebrities are beholden to PR.

So now Jensen is doing a show with a person that isn’t respecting a boundary (stop pushing Destiel), and the perceptions of his character have changed in a way he doesn’t like. Time to end the show. Being a true professional, he ensured the fans and crew had enough notice to adjust to the idea.

Jared didn’t seem bothered by any shipping at all. If this is the primary reason for the show’s end, it was Jensen’s idea more than Jared’s IMO.

Tinhat:I believe Jared wanted to end the show after PR tried to separate him and Jensen by insisting they get married to women. Jared’s first breakdown was right about that time, and I always wondered if it was because he was living in a happy bubble with his lover and his show, and now he had to pander to the (perceived) hetero audience. Leading men just could not be gay back in the day. There’s more outed gay actors now, but fifteen years ago things were different. He held on, did as he was told, and his world continued.

Jared’s marriage seems to be falling apart, and I, personally, suspect it’s already over and done. Papers signed, custody arrangements made, properties split. If the show was still going on, he’d have to field questions about his divorce. But, if the show is announced it’s ending and then he announces his divorce, the divorce will take a back seat to the show’s finale. Timing is everything.

Jensen has seemed happy as a pig in shit for the entire run of the show. Sure, he’s had bad days, but mostly he’s enjoyed his time on spn and the lifestyle it’s awarded him. He didn’t seem as upset about getting married as Jared did (seriously, go find the pics of Jared’s wedding. He looked like he was kissing something repugnant), but Jensen had a different upbringing that conditioned him for a celebrity lifestyle. He probably knew beards were mandatory and it was just a matter of when, not if.

In order for them to still spend a ridiculous amount of time together, they had to keep the show going. It wasn’t a problem, the network was fine with it. But the pressure was hard for Jared and has been for a long time. If not for Jensen, Jared would have left years ago.

But then they announced the show was ending and their reactions were a bit off. Jensen appeared somewhat together, a bit excited, a bit sad, but ready. Jared looked like he’d been crying for hours and still had days worth of tears to shed.

The tinhat in me says this is because their entire world is about to change, and it may not be for the better. Nobody can predict the future. How much of J2’s success as a couple is reliant on them being together for most of the time? How will they navigate their relationship if only one is working? Will they come out? Probably not, if Jensen wants to stay in the industry. Jared won’t have his lover acting with him, he won’t have his lover for most of the hours in a day/week/month/year. He’s going to be alone, and that’s scary.

For the tinats: I’m not saying their relationship won’t survive. I don’t have a crystal ball. But it might be rocky at first while they figure out their new dynamics.

TL;DR: yes, Jensen seemed happier than Jared in the video. Jared seemed much more upset, and even tried to look at Jensen, who looked toward Misha instead of meeting his eyes.

Oh, and I didn’t really address Misha in this because it’s always been said that as long as J2 want the show to continue, it will. Him being in the video is more of a PR thing to me: Misha also needs to build his portfolio and I suspect his agent has negotiated more uh, 'lead exposure’? for him. I don’t know what the correct phrasing is, but he’s been lumped with J2 more and more lately.

Oh, and if you read this far, thanks for letting me babble :)

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[norman-reedus-gossip]

Last Bulk and its a long one

~~mod~~ everything else concerning this topic will be kicked to the modblog. ill try to add to the comments today. i feel like i got ran over so i may not be on at all. sorry for slacking on you and for probably being a world class asshole today. please keep it medium.

Anon: What kind of woman ALLOWS “her boyfriend” to make her hideout so she’s not seen with him? What kind of man DOES that? Be happy for them all you want. I think they look and act like morons. As “adorable ” as people think he is , he seems lately like a total douchebag. Good thing all the fucking booze he consumes gives him the balls to “allow” her be photographed with him. And how fucking desperate does one have to be to let themselves be treated like that? Typical Hollywood. I give this a week.

Anon:Okay, NOW do you think he will make an announcement on Jimmy Fallon about DK? Or that Jimmy will mention it? ~~mod~~  dont know dont care. as long as we get some couch action im good.

Anon:No new stories talk about the trip to italy right before dk dumped pacey. They dont talk about how long nr knew pacey before sky. Wonder how much that cost

Anon:I’m so sad mod….. 😢 Twd’s cast are finally coming to my country and i thinks that is very hard for they bring Norman because he is very expensive…. I mean, Norman is so rich, why he charge that much??! 😢😢 (Sorry for the english) ~~mod~~ aww maybe its not the money but more if he has time. where are they coming? you english is awesome

ahauntedfool: My two cents. I feel badly for disappointed fans who have invested so much time, energy, and possibly even money, on their beloved celebrity, only to see him acting in a way they do not agree with. That must be very hard for them. Maybe I can offer some hope and positivity?I believe no two relationships are alike, and none are black and white. Who really knows everything about their relationship besides them? But it does seem like they are together, and if that is the case I hope they make each other happy. I truly mean that. Love is not something we can plan for, but life is short and happiness is everything. I am still a fan of N, I enjoy many of his films and photographs, his charisma is pleasing, he makes me laugh and he makes me smile. There are some things I don’t like about him, but that’s how it is with people. We are all complex and flawed individuals, and in our imperfections there is beauty. I don’t know much about D yet, but I think I’ll check out her work, watch a few of her films and read some interviews. Maybe I’ll learn something about her that inspires me in some way. With that being said, I think they are an attractive couple, and I love seeing him smile like that. They appear happy in those photos and I hope they are. Maybe this relationship will be good for both of them. Oftentimes we learn from our partners how to be better people.

Anon: Wait for the other shoe to drop on fallon, the baby shoe, lol. He has an extra 0 on his paycheck now, so dk can stay in ny and give up her career while nk goes to ga and cons to keep her in designer duds and pap shots shopping and fashion shows. She can laugh with jdms wife about ppl who pay $$$$ to wait in line for a pic, and we get crappy cgi on twd ~~mod~~ come on the deer really wasnt that bad, if you squint it almost looked real

awesomebrokenheartuniverse: What the fucking fuck??? This is beyond baffling.  The public make out session.  Even as a teenager I didn’t make out on the street for 30 min.  They clearly wanted to be seen.  Have we been fooled by NR with some fake persona all these years?  Has he drastically changed due to DKs influence?  Is he whipped?  Is he tired of keeping it a secret and overjoyed to let it all hang out?  Does she have dirt on him and forcing this on him (sounds crazy but ya never know)? Is this a juvenile shit show for publicity to benefit both of them?  So many questions!  Maybe it’s not our business but when they flaunt themselves like this they are kinda asking for it.  This is like reality show in your face over the top attention whoring.  I feel embarrassed for them.  At least she is age appropriate. I don’t know a lot about DK, but the opinions here are largely unfavorable.  JJ seems like a decent guy.  Why would he stick with her 10 yrs if she’s such bad news?   I keep remembering a quote from AL where he said something like “the longer I know N, the more he is an enigma.”  NR seems totally all over the place to me right now.      

Anon: There’s a video of them kissing now. ~~mod~~ ok

Anon: Hey mod! Sorry to keep adding to this but I’m SO aggravated. Now she’s acting like CS posting pics from his apartment. An her fans are saying to stop bringing up Norman an respect her privacy to people. She doesn’t want privacy! Hence the photo! An the photos taken of them on the street the other night for a hour. If I’m w/ my bf I dont stop and post on SM things from his house. She wants everyone to know she finally got Norman. When will this “relationship” end 😭 personally he deserves better

Anon: Why would Norman be so open about his relationship? This PDA doesn’t fit to him, he never showed so much of his relationship, making out on the street, like in the video it looks like they were making a show. They just stood in the same street walked around kissed hugged just to make a show for the pap, my guess they called him, don’t know why

Anon: Re: the “lie.” Doesn’t it look like Norman’s reps said “friends” because of JJ? Timeline: Pic of Norman and DK at the car looking friendly with story about vacation. Rep said “friends.” Weeks later: picture of JJ kissing and snuggling with another woman at a restaurant. Stories: He’s moved on!! Two - three days later, Norman/DK are completely public. The “lie” was so JJ could say he moved on first. It had nothing to do with manipulating Norman’s fans. Anon: Daily mail has just released an article on NR and DK confirming their relationship and they’ve got a few new pics in there and in one of them NR is looking directly at the camera. I guess we know for sure it was planned and a bit staged now.

Anon: Mod - this was an absolute publicity stunt but I don’t understand why. It makes him look like the biggest possible lying fake asshole alive so why would he want that image? I’m secretly hoping this is some kind of early April Fools day joke.

Anon: Mod when do you think NR and DK became more than just friends? ~~ mod~~ would you be offended if i said i have no idea becasue i dont care enough about them as a couple to even guess. sorry if i sound like a jerk im still not feeling well

Anon: I hope Norman doesn’t think we’re just going to “get over it”? It doesn’t work that way. There is a difference between lying about who you ARE and just simply having a girlfriend. (I won’t even go into how fake SHE is) You Lied to the people that supported you Norman. This isn’t just jealous fangirls. This doesn’t just go away in a few weeks.~~mod~~ im sure he knows it isnt just gonna go away in a few days

Anon: Woke up today with tears in my eyes. Every day I used to go check out all he cool Norman/Daryl fan art on instagram. Now I can’t even look at him.~~mod~~ dont cry anon we can find you someone else to look at.

Jan: Listen up To those deeply upset and disturbed by Norman’s recent actions, please read this - Nothing in your life has actually changes NOTHING! You still breath the same air, work at the same place, hang with the same friends and are surrounded by people that love and care about you in REAL LIFE. You have never, nor will you ever, know the real man behind Norman Reeds and thats probably for the best. All that has happened is that the fantasy you have of him in your head is altered, but you have the power and control to change that narrative back at any point, back to thinking he is kind and sweet and honourable and all the other things that gave you comfort and joy, use him for whatever purpose you want - because I have news for you as a fan/consumer of his brand he is just USING you. He is clever, he will smile and be nice as pie if you are paying for his time, (he is a professional actor), what he is actually like once the show is over, behind closed doors, is probably a very different story that really would shock and upset you. He is part of an ugly dark industry and his values are probably way off the mark to what any of us would consider acceptable. The clues are all around us, the fake hollywood friends he has, the partying showbiz life he leads, his love of attention and the limelight, the blind after blind about his shitty behaviour. It does upset me to see people defending him with the best of intentions, when they have no clue that he doesn’t deserve defending, he is surrounded by wealth and privilege and I highly doubt he cares one bit what faceless avatars on the internet say about him when he is home surrounded by his millions of dollars and fake narcissistic hollywood friends. Me, I love Daryl and I will always love Daryl, he is a real sweetheart and the subject of many a fantasy, Norman not so much, I could never fantasise about someone like him -a shallow and highly privileged actor who can have any beautiful woman he desires at the drop of a hat, and knows it. His priorities are clearly material things, this set up relationship with DK that will be played out in the public eye will just be linked to and part of that agenda in some weird way…(I do have my theories as to why he is so keen to play along with it, but best kept to myself) So seriously people go back to your Daryl (or nice sweet Norman) fantasises… Whatever helps you sleep at night…

Anon: You know what’s even worse than finding out he’s a lying sneaking jerk? That he let her troll his fandom for the whole year. He let us try to defend him the whole time when it was all true. It just shows that his fans don’t really mean anything to him. He didn’t care that she was playing with us and mocking us. It’s just so unbelievable that he is the complete opposite of what he made us believe.

Anon: sorry but I feel betrayed. And before I get jumped on it’s not jealousy or that he can’t have a private life, it’s about thinking one thing about Norman and admiring that person for so long then suddenly finding out that it was all a lie. He made us think that he was our friend but he’s not. he’s laughing at us behind the scenes watching how we buy into the image that he made us think was the real him. it’s not him now. he’s a phony. anyone want walker stalker tickets? don’t want to meet him now ~~mod~~ no need to be sorry anon lots of people are feeling all kinds of way right now. i hear craiglist is a great place to sell those

Anon: God Mod it just breaks my heart to see how fake he looks. Allowing himself to be papped is something I never thought he would do. I admired Norman for being down to earth and real. Where is that man now? He’s gone. He sold out. He’s not who he claims to be. Honest? Lol nope. So this is the real Norman we have been tricked into supporting? He looks just as fake as we know she is. It’s so sad and disheartening and I never thought it would happen to him. He’s just like all the rest. :( So sad.

Anon: Wonder how this will work when he starts filming in May will she go to Georgia she doesn’t seem the country girl

Anon: Mod why do think NR’s reps have the statements that they were “just friends” 3 weeks ago only for them to walk done the street holding hands and kissing now? Do you think NR’s reps didn’t know about the relationship? Or he didn’t consult with them before going public? Or do you think it was all planned? I’m just really confused about the whole thing!

Anon: Sorry…this is a long one… People seem to focus on others being upset because he lied.  But I think a lot of people are upset for 2 main reasons.  One, they really don’t like DK.  It is hard to swallow watching someone you like, date someone you hate.  I had a good guy friend date a girl that the rest of us LOATHED.  She was just a horrible person and we were all so disappointed when he started dating her.  When we asked him why, he just replied, “well, she is not like that towards me”.  Um..ok…so since she’s “nice” to you, it’s ok that she is a a-hole to everyone else?  It lasted all of 4 months, but I just remember we were all so disgusted.  So, anyway, I think that plays a big part in the fan hate.  Fans love Norman and think he is wonderful/nice/kind/good to his friends and fans and they can’t understand how he could fall for someone who is the opposite of all those things.  The second reason is the cheating.  Let’s face it, this didn’t start AFTER she split from JJ.  We would be naive to believe that.  Personally, I think it started during the filming of SKY.  They are together constantly, in the middle of nowhere, I am sure they got very close.  Even if there was nothing physical, they could have been having an emotional affair…which is often worse than physical.  Although we can argue that with his schedule and her being with JJ, they didn’t actually see each other a lot after filming SKY was over, they still could have been texting and calling, thereby continuing the connection and closeness that was formed during filming.  Looking back, I can’t help but wonder if someone DID see them hooking up in a NYC bar (before the break-up with JJ).  If they did in fact have an emotional connection, add a lot of alcohol to that and you can definitely lose control for a minute.  Obviously, this is my own speculation, but no matter when the physical aspect of their relationship developed, I truly believe, the affair started long before it.  As for the people talking about a possible pregnancy.  I can see it.  Even though Norman is pushing 50 and may not want a baby, as some people pointed out, it may not be up to him.  There are many ways for a woman to “accidentally” get pregnant.  Someone, I think it was PR wife, mentioned that DK’s star faded long ago.  She is definitely someone who will do anything to bring attention to herself.  Well, having NR’s baby would certainly bring the spot light.  It may be far fetched but I think DK is really sketchy and I would not put it past her.  I guess only time will tell if there is a baby as well as how long this thing will last.  We shall see…

Anon:I gave a heads up months ago that Diane had a plan and that she and Norman were playing out a fantasy as if they were living their film “Sky”. Health issues included. But guess what comes next (not the end) ;)

Stephanie Kumke: Maybe it´s not DK in the photo, but come on, a naked bully with lights on it with the message “ Waking  up to good News”… ~~mod~~ maybe she got a job that wasnt in Europe

Anon: Ya’ll need to be realistic. Daryl isn’t the cash cow of TWD anymore. Not sure if no one sees this but the ratings last week dropped. Why weren’t they higher? I mean Daryl was in it a lot yet they weren’t as good as the week before. I’ve noticed whenever Carol and the Kingdom are on the ratings go up. Seems like she’s more of a cash cow now. She makes more viewers tune in. So I really don’t get when people say Daryl is the No 1 cash cow. It’s not true. It may have been years back, but not anymore

Anon: It disgusts the shit out of me when I see people support their relationship and are happy and even say DK is gorgeous. Wtf NOTHING on this woman is gorgeous. She’s manipulative, attention whore and snobby. I can’t believe his fans (not all of them) support her. She’s the worst nightmare. Norman went down to her level. She is unsympathetic to fans, Norman clearly isn’t the man he claimed to be. Not sure if I’m more disappointed or disgusted because he played all of us the whole time for his image

Anon: I think some people are not getting it…NR didnt own anyone anything but he was not coherent and yeah he deceived and lied when he said he doesn’t like cheaters and loves honest people. Regardless of course he have the right to date who the fuck he wants. not my problem. now the way he did it, for someone that calls himself honest is very questionable when you can see CLEARLY how this pics were staged. When you stage pics like that and you claimed for years being the opposite of course  people are going to question who you are and who was the person they have been a fan off all this years. People defended him exactly from this behavior. People defended him when people called him sell out and asshole and manwhore and honestly he just proves the others right. This have nothing to do with DK this have to do with him as a person and how he carries himself. He didnt assume her before because he was sticking his dick somewhere else too and the other kick him to the curb.

dandelioncherokee : Interesting. Norman and Diane are not looking AT EACH OTHER in one single picture. A loving couple would do that ALL THE TIME. One word. FAKE. I honestly haven’t got a clue WHY ALL THIS. Oh Norman,you had it going all good for you.Now I can only pray that the universe will give you another chance,so you can try to fix this. Kisses to you,mod ❤️hope you are alright.~~mod~~ i feel like i got kicked down 10 flights of stairs.. you flirting makes me feel better

Anon: I was just thinking about the happy anniversary post and the ‘comment’. Turns out the DK part of that was true and it makes me wonder how many of the other parts were also true. Maya Angelo said when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Eyes opened, I get it now and I’m just here for wicked gifs, and weird banter. Good things always come from bad, you’re the good thing Mod.

Anon: Pic look good, his fans on ig congrat to him so lol. Congrat to him too. We know here it so far from jealous but it is about who is this guy. Why he won’t hint their relationship at all.jdm said I think he’s single. So he happy it’s foiod but it different story from why he lid like liar, completely behave another and then be another man. And I didn’t see any pic that he look at her face. He smile to ppl. Wake up idiot fans! ~~mod~~ Please dont call fans idiots we all have our opinion

Anon: Another blog says they KNOW that Norman and DK were a thing since Sky. They supposedly have a source but won’t reveal it, they’re also saying no one knows if cheating was involved because no one knows the status of DK and JJ’ relationship. DK moved to NYC in late 2015 to be with JJ AFTER sky was finished. They bought a home together in LA in early 2016. So if her “source” is correct than yes, they were cheating all along, which makes the dec 2015 rumor seem not so false. They’re disgusting

Anon: Who knows…Maybe they both have an agreement? Maybe he agreed to help her with her image by doing this. He may think what’s the harm in helping a friend?? I am soooooo not on her side…I’m just trying to ration it out. Unfortunately we may never know. I still haven’t seen pics of them full on kissing. That one pic where they’re close looks like he was lighting a smoke. Hand holding? Even friends do that. He seemed pretty drunk anyway. Ugh and her IG? Tries to be like N & HC. UMM no.

Anon: Thinking if the 2 of them together makes me so ill but hey…He’s a big boy. I’ve been going thru the stages of grief (as stupid as that may sound) and I don’t regret smashing my DVD copy of Sky! Didn’t much like it anyway lol now I’m past the anger and just sad. I’m not as mad at N as I was a few days ago but I still think DK is a snake. I hope that he guards his heart from her nasty ways! I also think the whole thing with the paps is strange. N is very impulsive and sometimes too too nice!

Anon:Hahaha I share the same first name as DK, so at least I know when Norman is having sex he is screaming my name. Seriously tho at least she is age appropriate and who cares anyway. You are a fan of his work or not no matter who he is boning.

Anon:Is it me or is Norman avoiding liking DK IG posts? I believe he may have been drunk that night and is regretting what he did

rebellacycle:Are you going to watch jimmy Fallon tonight ? Wonder if he will talk about the new relationship. Or just TWD~~mod~~ i will probaly be asleep. probaly just talk about he twd

Anon:

Norman and Diane are happy and in love so the haters have already lost ✌🏼

Anon:

I have a question for those fans who keep saying things like “Be respectful of Norman’s private life!”…. But they’re the ones who are (unnecessarily!) publicizing it. They staged and sold pics and video. In PDA, the P doesn’t stand for Private. If they are not respecting their own relationship, why should we? Also is talking about Norman’s penis size respecting his privacy? So what exactly do y'all mean? They don’t seem to want that. They want people to talk, comment, click the links.

Anon

:Feel better soon Mod! I don’t understand something about the whole DK Shitshow. If this is legit (and not just publicity) then how come no other gossip sites are picking it up??? TMZ doesn’t have anything to say about it after they just ran the garage pics/got his denial?? It looks like People ENews DM UsWeekly and a few less known sites are the only ones going with it, so how come??? I don’t get it! I don’t understand how Norman can be one thing one day and the TOTAL OPPOSITE the next!??! WTAF

Anon: The photos and the video of NR and DK … Looking at it I just feel DK is walking with his trophy. She wants everybody to see her new toy, her little puppy that she will manipulate as she pleases. DK wants everyone to see his new trophy !! While NR smiles like a fool who does not understand the situation. Yes he became the DK puppet

anon:

I appreciate this blog and your work, but you have to moderate some comments that appear on your site. I read comments accusing Norman of lust after teenage girls. This is defamation and it is very serious. It is unbearable to see all this hate and these lies dumped on an actor we have supposed to love. It is all the more intolerable that currently the world is experiencing serious problems. Thousands of people are dying of hunger, London and Paris are the target of terrorists, but some people prefer to waste their time to dumped their hate on Norman. Treat him as if he was a criminal just because he’s in love and he lied because he didn’t want to reveal his private life in the press.I doubt that you post this message on your blog but I needed to say. Many of us live very difficult moments and see all this hate for a simple relationship is ridiculous. Some may express their disappointment but have no right to invent lies and spill their hatred. Sorry for my aproximative English, I hope to find a warm and funny blog. Good luck to you Mod….

~~mod~~ just a few things. 1.tumblr rarely lets me delete comments, the tumblr app hates me…2. the quickest way to get your post deleted is to say “you probaly wont post this”.. i hate that.

Anon:Hope you feel better soon mod. This is for when you do the bulk: at this point I think I’d be happier finding out he did accidentally get her pregnant one drunken night but actually can’t stand her and did this for appearances only and they aren’t really a thing. At least that way he would be the same guy who just made one huge mistake while intoxicated. One night stands happen all the time. But being with her?? it changes everything about him and it makes him a liar.

Anon:

been two days I haven’t looked at anything to do with N and I still can’t get over this. He’s a complete fake. short of telling us he was abducted by aliens and this was an imposter in his body I will never understand. ’s like he just revealed that he is the opposite of everything he made people believe for the past seven years. Liar. Fake. Hollywood. Stupid. Ingenuine. That’s what this makes him look like now. It makes me want to cry. someone say it was all a nightmare. where’s the real norman

Anon

:Happy Today, Mod! I hope your body parts will all in good working order soon. Please take care of yourself. The drama of Norman Reedus means nothing in the long run. Kind people like you who take the time to create community are what matters!

Anon:If DK’s marrage broke down because she cheating then norman gotta run far and fast, they cheat WITH you they cheat ON you. You should look at enty and type in Norman reedus/Diane Kruger this shit been stirring for a while Anon:Will Jimmy Fallon grill Norman about DK? ~~mod~~ dont know

Anon

:Have you seen the pap walk pics & videos?? Omg I’ll swear DK slipped a Mickey Finn in Norman’s whiskey. For him to agree to call the paps on himself, something was totally wrong with him! I don’t recognize that Norman. DK is destructive & opportunistic. She manipulated her way into his life from day one when she recommended him for the SKY role. She is as TOXIC as they come! Wtf’s he doing with her? He’s in self-destructive mode, I pray he comes to his senses in Ga surrounded by good ppl.

Anon:Diane manipulates the media and manipulates Norman. An avid woman who likes to manipulate her little world. How can people defend it? I saw her in truth, she behaves like a haughty princess.

Anon:I no longer see goodness in Norman.

Anon

:Just canceled my trip to San Fran wsc. I was gonna meet him but I can’t even look at him nevermind meet him. How are we supposed to pretend he’s the same guy? He’s NOT what he told us he was! It’s NOT bc of a gf but 1) that it’s HER of all ppl (she is the epitome of famewhore sell out and no one I’ve talked to who met her have ANYTHING nice to say) and 2) He LIED about everything. He’s not any of the things we thought, made his reps look stupid and sold out to let himself be papped. WTF is that

anon

: Personally I’m wondering if she got him drunk, got him to agree to this to make the rumors look true, and that he was too wasted to care. This is NOT the guy we know and love. This is also coming from a mutual friend of his not just some fan. he never calls the media, like TMZ on himself. He’s a private, fairly normal dude, and that’s why I think DK set it up. To boost her American publicity and get noticed for work here. Sad, sick, and sketchy.

Anon: I’m definitely over reading about it Mod but I don’t understand how anything is gonna go back to the way it was anyway so I vote to keep it on the main blog. He’s a lying jerk and this is what we have to see now every day because how can we not if he’s seriously with her. I think I’m gonna have to quit being his fan altogether bc I can’t take her I don’t want to see her ridiculous face every single time he goes anywhere ~~mod~~ here the  thing its an N blog, i dont have to post anything with her in it. im really good at cropping things out of pics.

[drtanstravels]

Note: This post was written over the course of many months, beginning on Friday, May 3, 2019. To document as accurately as possible the entire excruciating process, I just kept adding more and more to it as events unfolded. I was initially going to cover both our experiences with buying and selling an apartment in Singapore, however, as we encountered seemingly perpetual red tape, endless delays, and the process as a whole dragged on, this piece got painfully long so I decided to edit into two separate parts, thus far resulting in this still rather lengthy first chapter solely about selling our apartment. Enjoy.

We decided quite a while ago to buy a new apartment and, despite how long it has taken, we initially thought it would be a lengthier process, because the plan was to also keep our current place and rent it out. If we sell our current apartment, we achieve our goals about two years earlier and don’t have to deal with the stress that coincides with being landlords, however, that doesn’t free us of the burden of dealing with real estate agents. The bulk of these people in Singapore are just awful, plain and simple. Okay, we initially encountered a couple while selling that weren’t too bad and the pair that ultimately got the job done were fantastic. I have previously written about what we went through to simply rent an apartment in New York City, but selling one and buying another in Singapore isn’t a whole lot of fun, either. So, what makes dealing with the bulk of Singaporean real estate agents so bad? Well, there are the obvious lies and deception that come hand-in-hand with making major secondhand purchases, but it’s usually used car dealers who get the bad rap, however, as you keep reading, particularly when I’ve finished writing the next chapter about buying an apartment, you’ll learn that the word “room” can mean almost anything to a Singaporean estate agent. Then there are the endless personal questions and comments that these awkward, giggling, little socially-stunted people make that have absolutely nothing to do with them or the process of buying or selling a house. Add to this them ignoring all regular communal time constraints when calling or messaging you, and you’ll be pulling your hair out within days.

Anna initially put our house on the market on Tuesday, April 23, 2019 and I was originally going to begin writing this piece when the entire process was completed, but in under two weeks I had accrued so many weird anecdotes and tidbits that I felt I was going to forget some nugget of gold that had occured during this entire course of action. Instead, I compiled the stories that took place as they happened instead of just putting them into the notes on my phone, until this entire debacle was completed. As you will find out, we painfully tolerated some real estate agents when we were looking at apartments to buy, which was almost immediately after we had put our place on the market. However, the only way these people can get any worse is when you have something of which they know they can make a nice little commission, the standard market rate in Singapore being 2%. When Anna first listed our place for sale she used my phone number as the main point of contact. Now, here I sit, writing this portion over two weeks later on Friday, May 10, 2019 and I have kept my phone on silent the entire time due to the constant calls and messages from real estate agents that were late to the party, yet still want a piece of the action. Here’s an example of one I received yesterday:

So much to decipher there; is his or her name Adnic? Anna told me that PN stands for PropNex, “Singapore’s largest listed real estate agency,” but why would I want this person coming over on a Saturday morning when each entire week spent dealing with these people leads to a big Friday night being required in order to de-stress and unwind? And who the hell is this Angie to whom they wish to speak? Anyway, Anna had dinner with some of her family on the Wednesday, the day after listing the property, and her auntie has bought and sold many apartments in Singapore, as well as overseas, so she gave Anna some advice and also listed our place in Singapore’s national daily newspaper, The Straits Times. Needless to say my phone blew up the next day and these people are like the hybrid of a vulture and a leech. My day consisted of just constant calls and messages, the calls mostly impossible to understand speed-mumbling and the messages indecipherable and full of typos, the example above being par for the course. Some would call four or five times in a row, hoping to get an answer, others would send a followup message just minutes after their initial message just to see if I had received it, because they still hadn’t heard back from me yet. In fact, one of them even sent me a bunch of articles about himself, some of them in Mandarin and from almost four years prior:

His mother definitely has this on the fridge

You know he has this framed somewhere

Anna was home when the phone first started ringing and it was her suggestion that I should ignore the calls and just respond to messages, which suited me fine. Still, real estate agents here want exclusive rights to your apartment, meaning that they can be the only person to market it, but we didn’t want that so Anna and myself had to devise a standard response to each of these messages that I was receiving in order to find the agents that were at least attempting to be legit. This is what Anna came up with and saved it in the notes in my phone so I just had to copy and paste the the top portion as a reply to each message:

Hi, in order for us to authorise you as our agent;

Please advise if you are an exclusive agent or can do open market, and

What is your lowest commission rate?

In the interest of convenience, please continue to communicate via message/WhatsApp.

(If they say non-exclusive and can offer a rate in writing of 2% or less, we can send them the pics and unit no.

Asking price $XXX,XXX)

I was copying and pasting this reply so frequently that I made the mistake of copying the entire thing, including the section in brackets, and sending it to a couple of agents before realising my mistake and quickly deleting it. If we received the answer from an agent as outlined in the underlined section that was intended for my eyes only, they would then receive the following message:

Thanks for your interest, we will be free to let you view our apartment and take photos on Tuesday or Thursday, 1-5pm. Please SMS to confirm viewing.

It was all getting a bit much and we would need to clean up before people viewed our apartment the following week so I went out shopping to get some of the supplies we would need. While I was out I received a phone call and figured it would just be Anna so I answered without looking. It turned out to be one of the vulture-leeches, he was in the area and wanted to speak to us personally. I told him I would be home in 30 minutes and he agreed to meet me at our place for what I assumed was an opportunity to have a look through the apartment and get some pictures early. Nope, he just wanted to give me his spiel on letting him have exclusive rights to the apartment, however, he did raise some good points. I let him know that Anna is the main breadwinner and decision maker in this process so it would be best if he spoke to her, but he’d need to wait until she returned home from work. He hung out alone at the nearby shopping mall until Anna was home and then went through his exclusivity speech again to Anna, pointing out that open market sale wasn’t an option for him, he only does exclusive sales. We said we would talk over his offer, which had its pros and cons, and then get back to him, but after discussing it we decided against his offer of exclusivity. He messaged me the following night, Friday, to ask if we had talked about it, and this was where I learnt two valuable lessons about him and most other real estate agents trying to sell properties:

He was full of shit.

He truly couldn’t care less what time he contacted me.

Despite previously saying that he only does exclusive sales, he had no problem with trying to sell on the open market when he realised we wouldn’t use him otherwise. Also, he would continue to hassle me the entire weekend, going as far as messaging me at 11:00pm on Sunday night! Here are some of the highlights of what I continued to receive over the course of the weekend, check out the times of some of them:

Desperation is a stinky cologne! I wouldn’t even message my own parents that late on a Sunday night, and you can see that there is a deleted message toward the end, because this guy was pissing me off so badly that I initially responded a little less diplomatically so Anna ultimately wrote that final reply. Still, when someone tries to point out that you don’t appreciate being contacted on that day or at that time, it takes a special kind of stupid to reply to the message. On a later occasion he texted me at 3:30am, beginning his message with an apology for contacting me at that time, but he was worried he’d forget what he wanted to ask me if he waited. Just write it down and inquire later in our agreed upon timeframe!

Monday was just as stressful, constantly dealing with real estate agents’ phone calls and messages, as well as cleaning up the place, trying to rearrange the clutter. I also cooked dinner that night and accidentally knocked a bottle of olive oil off our extremely small bench, smashing it on the ground and covering the floor with oil and shards of glass. To make matters worse, we had run out of floor cleaner so after I finished picking up as much broken glass as I could find without slipping over, I had to find a place that sold floor cleaner at 9:30pm and mop the house, putting me in a rather bad mood that ultimately scared the dog.

Tuesday was finally here and I started getting our place into the best shape I could quite early. Nobody was supposed to arrive until 1:00pm, however, the first agent showed up at 12:30pm and complained about why I hadn’t finished cleaning and that I wasn’t ready for him. I politely reminded him that I wasn’t expecting anyone for at least another 30 minutes, but he just told me he could give me tips on tidying and then started to unplug all of our devices and rearrange our furniture until I put a stop to that. He said our apartment needed to look “less cluttered, less lived in,” so I then passive-aggressively explained to him that, unfortunately for him, we still do live in it and the reason we are selling is that, although we love our current apartment, we have just outgrown it and the place simply isn’t big enough, there isn’t space for everything, but we’ll need to continue to live there until it is sold and achieving that is his role in the whole situation. It’s a nice apartment at a decent price in a highly-sought after part of town, if he can’t sell it, maybe he should try another line of work. Anyway, he spent the next hour filming our property and taking photos, not letting me in the same room as him and not allowing any of the agents that came at the correct time to enter the apartment, instead forcing them to stand in the stairwell in the heat. He even whined that out house is too dark and I need to find a way to make it lighter, especially the bedroom. Yes, that’s because we sleep in there, not use it as a photo-booth, and it’s kind of ironic that he described the place as “bright” in his video. He was an obnoxious douche and was more than a little liberal with the truth, but the video he put together (which is no longer available) wasn’t too bad and if he one day allows me to teach him pronunciation, grammar, and sentence structure, I may just take some of his decluttering tips.

Many more real estate agents arrived over the course of the day, most of them polite, some quite critical, and pretty much all of them trying to make the same jokes and starting the same conversations; “How’s the weather up there?” and, “Have you eaten?” were all questions I had to answer multiple times, as was making up excuses for where Anna was and that’s where I made my biggest faux pas. The agents always try to get personal information out of you, especially about income, which is none of their business when we’re using them to sell our apartment. There was no problem with me telling any agents that I’m a freelance writer, but Anna didn’t want any of them knowing what she does for a living, because they might try to lowball us on our place if they knew she was a surgeon. The first time an agent asked where she worked, I kind of panicked, leading to this exchange:

Agent: “So, where is your wife?” Me: “At work.” Agent: “Oh, where does she work?” Me: “Near the hospital.” Agent: “Oh, what does she do, is she a nurse? A doctor?” Me (kind of panicking): “Canteen.”

It didn’t help that Anna used to do pole dancing for exercise a few years ago and we still have the pole in our house. “So, is your wife a dancer, too?” she asked in a very judging manner. Yes, now this particular real estate agent thinks that I’m married to a stripper that also needs to work in a hospital canteen during the day to make ends meet. Another agent asked if the pole was to hold the ceiling up and could it be removed. God, some of them are dumb, we live on the third floor of a four-storey building, I’d be equally worried for the people that live above us if that were the case!

It’s now the first week of June, 2019 and we’ve had some agents bring people to check out our apartment. We’ve had around 10 different potential buyers look through, but it only seems to be the same two or three real estate agents out of all of the ones marketing it that are getting the people in. Our apartment clearly has an industrial design, however, one of the first agents who showed people through described it as “countrysides look.” Firstly, I don’t think the word ‘countryside’ can be pluralised and secondly, a countryside design would be the complete opposite of industrial. When I hear “countryside” I picture lace curtains, doilies, vases of flowers, floorboards, that type of thing, not exposed bricks and beams to go with the mostly cement floor. He also told the people that we had vinyl flooring in the living room when that portion is clearly marble, one of the only remaining original features of the entire apartment from before we renovated it when we first purchased the place seven years ago. Was he even trying? The agent who made the video of our house, a film that was apparently based on a true story, contacted me on Friday, June 7 to tell me that he had some people who wanted to look through our apartment the following day and was wondering if our place had two bathrooms. It took all of my energy to refrain from telling him that the answer is in that stupid little movie that he made and instead told him it has only one. He then asked how many bathrooms our neighbour’s place had! I wouldn’t recognise my neighbours if I saw them in the street, let alone know how many toilets they have, but I assume it would be the same amount as us, as all of the apartments in our building were built with an identical floor-plan. He also asked what time on Saturday suited me best so I told him 3:00pm, but on Saturday morning I received a message saying that he would see me at 2:30, half an hour earlier again, but at least he told me this time, unlike the day he made his home movie. Before long it was 2:20pm and my stomach was starting to cramp, I had to go to our only bathroom urgently, but I was also worried that he may arrive earlier than the agreed upon time again, on this occasion while I was in a rather compromising situation. Fortunately, I managed to complete my business quickly with enough time remaining for the aroma to adequately dissipate and the viewing went off without a hitch, however, the agent had grown a really bad moustache since we had last met.

When you’re looking at spending every cent you have on an apartment, there is an endless list of questions you could ask — Does the traffic get noisy? How much hot water does the current tank give? Have any murders ever been committed there? For some reason though, we kept getting asked the same two questions time and time again from potential buyers;

Which direction does the apartment face?

What race are our neighbours?

The second question seems to be a real selling point in Singapore and the potential buyers asking this are always relieved to find out that our neighbours are all Singaporean-Chinese. People here can be a tad biased at times and I still have no idea why, but many in this country don’t want to live anywhere near members of particular races or nationalities. I’m sure, though, that they wouldn’t have any problems with the eccentric, old Singaporean-Chinese guy that lives behind us who usually wears nothing but a faded old towel or sometimes his clothes on backwards, meditating outside on mouldy, discarded office furniture, testicles swaying in the breeze, surrounded by a fort of more hanging towels, as well as having banana peels, clam shells, and other meticulously arranged, but ultimately unusable food items drying on the ground outside his apartment full of clutter, trash, and plastic bags. His joint is constantly infested with rats and they are always running around the general vicinity of his apartment, but he’s fine:

A visit from some government officials while resplendent in a faded towel, as seen from our kitchen window

Maybe he got in a fight with the rats and they kicked him out on this particular night

The irony is that his place is worth a fortune!

From his point of view

I really wish I had a marker at the time to draw a moustache

Today is Monday, July 29, 2019 and we’ve had quite a few people look at our apartment, but no official offers, the main complaint being that, despite being listed as a “walk-up” apartment, it doesn’t have an elevator, some viewers even perplexed at this exclusion, because climbing two small flights of stairs is just too much effort for many. Why bother even looking at it at all? We also realised that it has been the same four or five agents getting people to look at our apartment and they suggested that we get the agents that haven’t done anything to take their listings down from property websites to avoid saturation, which isn’t a bad idea. This morning I sent those agents the following message:

Hi _____,

My wife and I own the property you have listed at 20 Tiong Bahru Rd. I am writing to request that, due to a complete lack of viewers, that you cease to list our property. This is not open to negotiation.

Thank you, Tim Abel

Most of them just did it and replied to let me know, which was appreciated, but one decided to call me and try to weasel his way out of it, which went something like this:

Agent: “Good day, sir, in reference to your message, what I’ve been doing is collating all of the offers on your property in order to ascertain what –” Me: “YOU HAVEN’T BROUGHT A SINGLE PERSON TO OUR PLACE IN THREE MONTHS, TAKE THE LISTING DOWN!” *click*

These guys are terrified of complaints that will damage their reputation so almost immediately after I hung up on him I received a text message that said:

Hi tim.will abide. Apologise n tks

I think that translates into “Hi, Tim, I will take the listing down as per your request. Apologies and thank you.”

Fast forward to what is now mid-December, 2019 and we’re still sitting here, waiting to sell our apartment. We ended up going with one of the female agents as an exclusive agent and she initially brought a reasonable amount of people around to our place to have a look, but even her interest waned over time to the point where she didn’t even have our place listed toward the end. Fortunately her contracted period as our exclusive agent expired. We did receive a couple of offers, but they were either quite low or rescinded after the people who made them opted for a different apartment. We ultimately chose to go with a pair of other agents at the recommendation of a friend who was able to sell her place quite quickly, instead of going through all of this hassle. To try to make the process go even smoother with these guys, I went on a crazy decluttering spree, spending many hours of many days going through certain areas of the apartment and just throwing stuff out, much to the behest of my lower back. Anna chipped in on the day the agents came to take photos and videos, managing to throw out five shopping bags full of old shoes alone, as well as several boxes of books. This cleaning process resulted in us finding some items we had completely forgotten about or didn’t even know we had. A good example is that we can never find a pen that works when we need one, yet I found three unused and rather expensive pens still in their boxes that were gifts at some of Anna’s conferences. The absolute highlight for me though, had to be two books Anna wrote in primary school, the first when she was about seven years old, detailing her family’s trip to California with interesting tidbits such as finding her cousin’s bra, her friend playing with it, and then putting it on her soft-toys. The other book was a mystery about a kidnapping and ransom, written when she was roughly eleven or so:

Anna’s artistic abilities haven’t really evolved

This might help explain why we watch so much Law & Order: SVU

As a result of all of this cleaning and carrying so many loads of heavy items down to the bins downstairs, I was barely been able to stand upright properly for a few days, plus all of the dust that had been stirred up as a result had us constantly sneezing, but it did feel nice having less crap around the place. As a result I wasn’t looking forward to the whole moving process, but that wouldn’t happening anytime soon.

The agents came around on Saturday, December 13, 2019, took their photos and videos, as well as sat down and had a chat to us, these guys actually asking questions and showing a genuine interest, so that was a good sign. They also informed us that this time of year isn’t a good one for the housing market so it probably wouldn’t be until January or February until we hear anything, but an online virtual walkthrough of our place was still put up on their website on Monday, December 15, 2019. From Saturday, January 4, 2020 we had a steady flow of viewers for our house and it wasn’t just people who were bored on the weekend and had decided to spend it snooping through other people’s apartments, these ones seemed genuinely interested in purchasing, and by Tuesday, January 21, 2020 we had accepted an offer and sold our place! What nobody else could achieve in eight months, our new agents pulled off in one, a month that happened to include the Christmas and New Year period, as well as being just prior to Chinese New Year. Pretty impressive.

This now left us with the headache of dealing with banking procedures and bureaucracy in order to finalise the sale of our apartment, as well as sort out the place we wanted to buy and it was the second one that would prove the most frustrating, but that’s a story for next time. Stay tuned for the story, whenever it is eventually finalised, that coincided directly with this one; The Hell That We Experienced In The Real Estate Process In Singapore — Buying.

Boy, that was nine months of fun Note: This post was written over the course of many months, beginning on Friday, May 3, 2019.