#and I know people who would have cried with JOY if they got 80%
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It's the beloathed season when people keep telling me their kids' marks and I'm supposed to guess from their body language and other social cues how enthusiastic I have to be while congratulating them
#It's MOSTLY congratulating because if the marks weren't good they won't tell me right?#This reasoning has backfired only once so I stick with it#How tf am I supposed to know what constitutes 'good marks'?? and more importantly what constitutes good marks in those people's minds#Especially when they are from a different stream than mine#Like. is 80% good? idk man I know people who would have cried if they got 80%#and I know people who would have cried with JOY if they got 80%#It's all subjective#I wish people would start with 'X got an excellent result this year' or 'X got p% which is more (or less) than they expected'#hmmmmm
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AO3 Wrapped: Writer's Edition
tagged by @wlwanakin THANK YOU <3
Words written this year: not home stories fic is hitting 10k, of home stories probably another 10-15k if not more (yikes!). unpublished a crazy amount
Works written this year: i had a pretty productive year this year! banged out a ton of home stories, plus three one shots i quite like
Work Most Proud of: look, i'm always proud of home stories, that is my baby my special snowflake etc. but i'm really quite proud of this rough magic / i here abjure. it was a good challenge to get into that headspace with luke and i got some really nice feedback on it!
Work with Most Hits: home stories babyyyy with a hot 536
Fav title: ugh titling works is the worst. i do still like home stories because it really just cuts to the heart of what that fic is about (nostalgia and storytelling). this rough magic / i here abjure is also a good title because i stole it from mr. willy shakes. thanks buddy!
Pairing You Wrote the Most For: luke/lottie *sigh*
What Work was the Quickest To Write: rising, falling was finished in a sunday afternoon. it wrote super quickly and then the editing process was just as quick. this is really atypical for me, it typically takes me 1-2 months to finish a chapter or one shot.
What Work Took You Longest To Write: seeing as home stories is still unfinished, probably that one? shiny happy people also sat in my drafts for a while before being finished
How Many WIPS do you have for next year: well, at least two. obviously home stories will continue as planned (chapter coming maybe this week but don't hold me to that) and i'm also planning a one shot about owen, luke and biggs exploring the relationship between violence and love :)
Longest Work of the Year: home stories coming in at a hot and sexxxy 47k *cries*
Shortest Work of the Year: rising, falling at 972! brevity being the soul of wit is not my strongest suit
Fav character to Write: look. you may think it's luke and you may also think it's lottie but it's PAZIMA. every time i get to write her i am filled with the purest joy. she is deeply flawed and she knows it. she's a diamond who's been hardened by the world around her for years and years. she's also the funniest fucking character and some of my most outrageous lines i give to her. her habit of looking her friends straight in the eyes while giving them eviscerating insults is so charming 2 me
Which work of yours have you re-read the most: home stories mostly for continuity reasons (i probably should get a beta reader at some point) but this rough magic for when i need a reminder that i can actually write
Total Kudos this Year: 72
Total Hits This Year: 1,209
Total Bookmarks This Year: 19
Total Subscriptions This Year: 9
What Do You Listen To While Writing: so i can pretty much listen to anything while writing, i write while my partner's watching basketball or youtube or really anything. to get into the zone i typically listen to music beforehand or interrupt writing to listen to music. my taste in music is pretty much all 60s-80s stuff. i have a luke playlist AND a lottie playlist AND a ship pairing playlist
Fav line or passage: you know what i'm picking one from each fic to gas myself up!
home stories (too big to pick a favorite, and i've posted this before, but it really just sums up luke/lottie)
“Oh, Luke,” she said softly, abandoning her mischievous tone and pressing one of her cool hands to his cheek. “For a killer, you can be so incredibly naive.”
shiny happy people
A small crack formed in Pazima’s heart. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, she wanted to say. I hope I gave you enough time to be young.
this rough magic / i here abjure
Luke followed his father’s eyes. The suns had finished their journey below the horizon, and Ahch-To’s waters had turned black and blue. How easy would it be, to slip into the blackness, dash his head against the rocks, let his mighty Skywalker blood mingle with the water, return to the primordial place where his father was conceived. Perhaps he could be young again, like his father. Perhaps he could see his wife again. Perhaps he could meet his mother.
rising, falling
When Luke’s toys came crashing around him, she cursed him again. Not her nephew-no, never him. She cursed his father, Obi-Wan, the whole damned lot of them. They were sandstorms, these men-destroying everything in their path, not caring who they hurt or what they left behind.
tagging the luke squad @sonofthedunes , @kaleidoscope1967eyes , @lavandula-ipsum , @vagabond-umlaut , @bsxcrxts - pls if i missed anyone let me know and i will add!!!
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I did this thing as a kid,
Where I tore off coloured paper into pieces,
And then pasted them together,
Into shapes of my own,
I think I got an 'A' in my art class then.
Do you think we do that to our hearts?
When they break?
Do we shape the pieces in mosaics?
To display at museums?
To be adored and destroyed?
Last time I wrote a poem,
Your mother had passed,
You cried in my arms,
And I leaked words on paper.
You smiled in many days,
When you read what I finished.
My veins ached that day,
At prospects of you leaving.
Will I miss you? Will I write sadder poems?
Do I want these questions answered?
Sam Smith's mother and mine
Have a thing in common,
Both think we're too romantic.
Guess they haven't seen the sapphic poetry
I have tattoed on my chest.
When you kiss those lines at night,
I whisper a prayer in your name,
'May she never leave'
I wonder if you can hear me,
As you smile sad smiles into my skin.
You have seen me burn poems,
I had written for the lovers before you,
You held me when I wailed,
Promised me you would love me better
That I'd never have to write poems in grief
In your name, for the pain.
But strangely I want to.
I walk this thin line of insanity,
Where I push you away
Despite you being the nearest thing to joy I know.
I think I am a sucker for pain,
Of mosaics made of broken pieces,
In museums where you touched me first.
Why is that when I hold you,
I imagine it as the last time I'd get to do so?
Why do I imagine hongkong highways,
Where you get to speed away from me?
I'd joke we have watched too many of those movies,
Where under neon lights hearts break,
And people who love, don't get to have each other.
I shivered under my sheets and it wasn't even winter,
Must be the poem I am yet to write.
My father asked me to be back by 9,
But I lost my ways in tombs,
That reeked of timeless love,
I scratched our names on its walls,
And promised to never return.
My memories of you are soup,
Thick, foggy and delicious.
I have loved you more than I'll ever remember.
I will play 80s songs in you honour,
Where under synth-pop beats,
They hide dainty layers of grief.
A-ha's 'take on me' is a favorite,
" I'll be coming for your love, okay? "
Now, you get to leave me.
I beg you to, it's almost necessary.
I haven't written a poem in long,
I depend on the heartbreak you'll cause me,
I think I might have a serious case of it.
#poetry#love poetry#wong kar wai#fallen angels#old love#chungking express#california dreaming#only you#neon lights
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Sugar and Spice [Max Lord x F!Reader] — Chapter 12
Summary: When you are evicted from your apartment by your toxic ex boyfriend and have no place to go, who do you turn to? Alone in the city as the countdown to Christmas begins, you find yourself applying for a job as the assistant of the world’s biggest entrepreneur; Maxwell Lord. Little do you know, he has other intentions for you. No doubt about it, this Christmas will truly be like no other.
Word count: 2.3k
Warnings: Smut, mentions of a previous verbally abusive relationship, typical 80s misogyny (but very little of it), mentions of food and drink, alcohol consumption. This is a sugardaddy x sugarbaby fic soooo… a daddy k!nk too oops.
But in this chapter: food mention, tooth rotting fluff. Our story comes full circle.
Author’s note: Here it is. The final chapter of Sugar and Spice. The Epilogue should be coming soon. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did, and I'd like to thank you all for supporting me and my writing. This was my first ever series and the love I got for it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I love you all so much. (PS— i’m still sick with COVID so I am really really sorry if this is a poor chapter. I tried my hardest. Happy valentines day.)
MASTERLIST
PREVIOUS - CHAPTER TWELVE - EPILOGUE [coming soon!]
The second Maxwell engulfed himself amongst the soft satin blankets of his bed, he knew he was glad to be home. You climbed in beside him, and his eyes raked your body as he took in the sight of your baby pink slip on silk nightgown that you were wearing. He swallowed, and reached over to grab your waist and pull you on top of him. So there you were, straddling your sugar daddy after not seeing him for over a month. You pressed your palms against his bare chest and looked him in the eyes.
"There's something I need to tell you." Maxwell announced, knowing it had to be now or never. He couldn't keep hiding it. After the month in London and Alistair being brought back into his life, a lot had changed for him. He wasn't the same man he was back in December.
"About Ali?" you asked, tracing circles into his skin.
"Well, yeah. But— something else." Maxwell replied, shuffling around slightly. You sensed it was serious due to his tone of voice and your movements paused as you stared dead into his eyes.
"You don't have another secret child, do you?" you deadpanned.
"No!" Maxwell said defensively and you smiled softly. "It's about us."
You braced yourself. He'd been gone for a month, come back with a kid, and you were certain he was going to break the arrangement off with you. You pulled your hands off him and went to crawl off his lap, but his large hands landed on your thighs to hold you down.
"That night after the annual Black Gold Christmas gala… I saw you with Bruce and I got drunk and— my mom— and… I told you… I told you everything. About my father and having absent parents and. I said— I said— I said I was in love with you," Maxwell gulped and it took him every ounce of strength to not break his eye contact with you. He wanted to remain strong. You remembered the night like it was yesterday; clear as day. Of course, how could you forget the moment he said those words? And he hadn't spoken of it since, until now. Between you being held hostage by Tristan and Maxwell being whisked away to London, there'd hardly been an appropriate time to bring it up. "I swore that once I returned from the UK we would talk about this. So, Y/N, I have to tell you that my feelings haven't changed. It's been months, we've been together and apart. We've argued and fought but we've laughed and made love too. We've had distance— hell, I've been on the other side of the world for the past month but not a second has gone by where I haven't thought about you. About loving you, and kissing you, and even if you don't feel the same way, I hope you can forgive me."
"Forgive you?" You asked after a brief silence. You'd been waiting for what felt like a lifetime to hear these words, and yet you were struggling to comprehend them. It didn't feel real.
"For not doing anything or saying anything sooner. I should've said something sooner. I wish I had. I wish… I wish…" Maxwell rambled but you placed a finger to his lips, silencing him.
"No," you told him sternly. "No wishing. You don't need to make a wish because— everything is fine just the way it is," Maxwell's heart sank at your words and you watched as his chest deflated. "No!" you cried before trying to clarify. You didn't want him to get the wrong idea. "You have a successful business, and a son, and Max, you have me. You'll always have me. Because I love you too. I'm in love with you Maxwell Lord."
Max's chocolate coloured eyes widened at your confession as disbelief bolted through his body. Never in a million years would Maxwell expect that you would truly love him back. How could he expect anyone to love a man like him? Kitty hadn't. His mother hadn't. But you…
"I love you so much Max," you sighed before pressing a kiss into his lips. You caught a tear slip down his cheek and you quickly wiped it away. "Don't ever apologise for being you. Our story has been a whirlwind so far but it's not over. It's not over Max. I love you."
"I love you too." he whispered, wrapping his arms tight around your body when you kissed him again.
By the time Valentines Day rolled around, you swore it was like Maxwell and Alistair had never spent any time apart. The six year old boy was the spitting double of his father— personality and all.
He dived into your bed and jumped up and down.
"I got a card! Look daddy! I got a card!" Alistair beamed. Maxwell groaned and rolled over, holding a pillow over his head. You smiled tiredly and pulled the little boy into your arms.
"Good morning Ali, where did you get that?" you asked.
"It was on the kitchen table! Look mama, it's for me!" He squealed, pointing at the name that was inked in perfect calligraphy. Your perfect calligraphy. Your heart melted slightly at the little name he'd given you. "Mama". You figured it was something Maxwell had pushed, but he swore he hadn't, and that Alistair had decided that you'd be his mama from now on anyway. Kitty was out of the picture for good now, and you were nicer to him in the past two weeks than Kitty had been to him his whole life. That was the sad truth.
"Oh, so it is." you giggled, pressing a kiss into Alistair's forehead. You rolled over slightly and pat the middle of the bed, gesturing for Alistair to come and lay down in between you and his father.
"I only ever get cards like this on my birthday and Christmas. And today is neither of those days." Alistair pondered out loud, tapping his index finger against his chin as he thought. Just like his daddy.
"Do you know what day it is, Ali?" you beckoned.
You realised Maxwell must've finally woken himself up when his hand reached over to hold yours, his thumb circling your skin. You glanced over to him and saw that his big brown eyes were watching his son.
"Ummm…"
"It's the only day of the year where I can do this," Maxwell interrupted, pressing his lips against yours and kissing you. His sudden action was enough to take your breath away and Alistair went to make a noise of disgust. But Maxwell pulled away from your lips and placed a hand over his son's mouth. "And you, mister, can't do that!" he chastised, wiggling his finger with a chuckle.
"But daddy, kissing is yucky!" Alistair frowned, sticking his tongue out in dismay. You rolled your eyes, pulled the little boy on top of you and pressed another kiss into his forehead. Since you had a hold of him, Maxwell took the opportunity to tickle Alistair, erupting a scream of laughter. "Dad-daddy! Aaah daddy please!" Alistair laughed, kicking his legs and flailing his arms around.
"Have you worked out what day it is yet?" you asked the little boy once he'd settled back down. A small blush crept upon his cheeks.
"Va-valentines day?" Alistair asked, his voice timid.
"Are you telling me that my son Alistair has a valentine?" Maxwell gasped jokingly and Alistair's grin only grew wider with excitement.
"Can I open it?" Alistair giggled happily.
"Go on!" you laughed, giving him a small nudge.
You and Max both watched intently as Alistair opened the card. Of course, you had purchased the card and wrote it out. But seeing the excitement on Alistair's face when he read ‘love from your secret admirer’ was undefeatable. It was magical, and it filled your heart with so much love and joy. Alistair was new to your life, just as new as he was to Maxwell's, but if one thing was for sure, it was that you loved him just as much as you'd love your own child. And that wasn't lost on Maxwell.
He honestly expected you might have left him. Or grown distant upon learning that he had a son. But once again, you had proven Maxwell Lord IV wrong. You were unlike any other woman he'd ever met, and now that he had the two most important people in his life, he felt like he could accomplish anything. Nothing else mattered anymore. Just you and Alistair.
"My son, only six years old and already has a secret admirer!" Maxwell chuckled, shaking his head and wrapping his arms around Alistair. "But you'll always be my boy, won't you Ali?"
"Yes daddy." Alistair smiled a toothy grin.
"Us Lord men… we always get the ladies." Maxwell told his son, causing you to belly laugh. Maxwell shot you a joking glare and you tried to stifle any more of your giggles.
"On that note," you rolled your eyes and slid out of bed. "How does pancakes for breakfast sound?"
Both Maxwell and his son cheered with joy at the thought of pancakes. You remembered you even had some strawberries and cream left over from the night before which would go well with it. You pulled your silk robe over you and padded to the kitchen.
"Do you remember the plan?" Maxwell whispered quietly once you'd left the room, cradling his son.
"I do." Alistair beamed snuggling into his father's chest. Maxwell smiled a little.
"Tonight, yeah? After dinner." Maxwell reminded his son.
"Do you love her?" Alistair quizzed further, and Max's smile grew even more.
"I do," Max confessed. "More than anything."
"I think she loves you too." Alistair said softly.
"Yeah?"
"I see the way she looks at you," Alistair mumbled. "Like how Ariel looks at Prince Eric."
"Wh-who?" Max furrowed his eyebrows together and Alistair's jaw dropped slightly.
"Okay daddy. We're all watching The Little Mermaid after dinner." Alistair decided in that moment, his tone of voice leaving no room for question.
Maxwell quirked an eyebrow. "Really? And who put you in charge?"
"I'm a Lord," Alistair said proudly. "Besides, someone has to watch over you two lovebirds. Make sure you don't get yourself in trouble."
Maxwell couldn't believe the six year old boy. Alistair was definitely Maxwell's son, that's for sure.
Just as you were finishing up frying the last pancake, the kitchen phone began to ring. You answered it, surprised to hear the voice of your lawyer— or more accurately, Maxwell's lawyer. You had been using him to defend yourself on the case between you and Tristan. He had told you that Tristan was going to be locked away for a very long time, and that you'd won the case. A wash of relief flooded over you, and finally, things were beginning to look up for you and your little family.
You called down Alistair and Maxwell once breakfast was ready, and you served the heart shaped pancakes at the table. Maxwell came down a few minutes later than Alistair and he was holding on envelope. When he sat down opposite you, he passed you the envelope with a smug grin on his face.
"What's this?" you asked curiously, and Maxwell shrugged his shoulders casually as he sipped on his black coffee. He hadn't stopped smirking though. "Maxie, we agreed on no gifts this year?" you sighed, already feeling bad for not getting him anything.
"Baby, it's not exactly a gift. I mean, it's something for both of us. Something that's important to you and well… just open it, please." he urged.
You hesitated, exchanging a glance between Max and Alistair (who was already neck deep in pancakes), before sighing and opening the envelope. Inside was a letter from a retail agent? As you read the letter, your heart began to slam against your chest. No way.
"Max… you bought my old apartment building? The whole building?" you gasped, slamming your hand over your mouth in disbelief. "You bought it in both of our names?"
"Because I knew how much it meant to you. And how much your neighbours meant to you. They were all mistreated by Tristan, and that isn't okay. I bought the property from the council so we're the rightful owners now. And we won't overcharge rent like Tristan did. We don't need to. We'll refurbish the whole place. We'll give the families who live there a safe place that they can call home, and they won't have to worry about any abuse from Tristan, or their utilities falling apart, or bills… it'll be wonderful."
"Maxwell I- I don't know what to say I…" you were utterly speechless, tears filling your eyes. Obviously this was going to cost him a lot of money and a lot to upkeep, but for the first time, it felt like it wasn't even about money. It was a grand gesture, sure, but it was also the most thoughtful and unexpected thing he'd ever done for you.
"I love you." Max revelled and you smiled.
"I love you too." you replied, leaning over the table and pressing a kiss into his lips. You glanced back down at the letter, admiring the way your surname and Max's surname looked together on the sheet of paper.
At the start of December you didn't even own a car. You couldn't even pay rent. Now you were living in a suburban manor with your perfect little family. Amongst a little bit of sugar and a little bit of spice, you had found love, meaning and purpose. You'd found your soulmate.
Just as you thought your life was good and couldn't get any better, you didn't realise what Maxwell Lord had in store for you this evening. Your whole world was about to change.
---
Sugar and Spice taglist: @100layersofdaddyissues @mrschiltoncat @honeymandos @thisisthe-wayson @this-cat-is-dea @blonde2bomshell @maiyaaaa0130 @autumnleaves1991-blog @justanotherblonde23 @softly-sad @laaadygisbooornex3 @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @drinkingwhileblogging @kesskirata @honestlystop @promiscuoussatan
Permanent taglist: @paintballkid711 @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth @moth-guillotine @pedro-pascal-love @hayley-the-comet @pinkninja190 @maxiarapamaya @autumnleaves1991-blog @artsymaddie @harrys-stan @kennedywxlsh @cripplingmoon @cheekygeek05 @mrschiltoncat @martellthemandalor
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#maxwell lord#max lord#maxwell lord x reader#max lord x reader#ww84#pedro pascal smut#jose pedro balmaceda pascal
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Closure.
So, let’s do a personal rewind.
It’s the early to mid-80s. I’m 11 or 12, in middle school, and the fashion is bright fluorescent colors, shirts so bright you can see them from mars, and “gummy bracelets”, basically bracelet sized rubber o-rings in 80s colors and sparkle. You bought them singly at the Woolworths for about 90 cents each. (As a comparison, comic books at this time were in the 65-75 cent range.)
Fashion cred was having a LOT of these stupid little things.
I was not fashionable. I was one of the school freaks. Fat, acne-riddled, suffering from undiagnosed mental illnesses that caused some teachers to scream at me because I couldn’t speak up in class or communicate why I was unable to “act normally.” There was no point trying to be fashionable, because doing so just made the peer harassment worse. (”What, you’re trying to copy us?”)
But I loved the bright colors, and the gummy bracelets just struck me in a way I never expected. Maybe it was the texture. I liked the feel of them. So I used my allowance and bought a few here and there.
And I ended up with a fair bit. But wearing them could be a problem. They’d snag, and break.
But then I noticed what girls did when they had lots of them. They’d chain them. You could wear them as a necklace, or put them on your school bag.
And that’s what I did. I had about 60+ of the things, and I chained them up as I bought them, and hung them on my bag. And I got the odd compliment here and there! It was impressive! And it was a personal touch. It was the one time I Got Fashion Right. This was a tiny little high point in a life I was struggling with.
Right up until the chain was stolen.
I don’t know who, or how, or exactly when. I had them in class. When I got to the next class, or lunch (It was over 30 years ago, fine details fade) it was gone. The whole thing. Not a piece of it, like an individual link broke. The entire thing had been unhooked when I wasn’t looking.
I didn’t find it lying around. While there’s an outside possibility that the part holding it on is what broke, and I lost it, it was pretty obvious at the time and to me now, that someone just took an opportunity and took it. Possibly knowing that the school freak wouldn’t be able to say anything or fight back.
And they were right. I knew better at that point. If I made a fuss, complained, I would be the one punished. Because I lost it. I didn’t take care of my property. If I wanted to keep it, I shouldn’t have left it where someone could steal it, or where it could get snagged and broken. And if by some miracle someone knew who had it? They would just insist they found it lying around, wouldn’t get in trouble, and then I would get harassed for the rest of the year for trying to get them in trouble. This had happened before.
So I cried in private, and gave up collecting them. I didn’t have the heart to start again. My little bit of joy had turned into the prime example of “I’m Not Allowed To Have Nice Things Like Other Kids.”
And I grew up, and got older, and worked out some issues, and still struggle with others to this day. The memory still hurt when it came up. Still hurts now, though I stopped hating myself for the “failure” in recent years. If I could go back in time, I’d give the kid I was a hug, rather than beat up certain people. (Or at least, hug that kid first before I went off like a criminal. I still have issues, after all.)
Which brings us to today.
Online shopping. Looking for deals on stupid household things we need and looking at interesting things we don’t. And to my surprise...gummy bracelets exist again. There’s currently a whole 80s nostalgia industry, aimed mostly in the “kids party favors” sector.
I don’t need these things. I’m an adult. But there’s an adolescent that never stopped crying about this one thing in the back of my head. There’s a kid who misses the feel of them, hiding in the thoughts of a cranky old woman Who Gave Up On Fashion a long time ago.
But I didn’t give up on saying, “fuck you, I didn’t I have a real childhood, don’t tell me I can’t have toys now.”
They arrived today:
They are, of course, Not The Same. Not the same thickness I remember, not the same stretch/resistance quality. The ones in the marked package have almost zero stretch and are rough. But...they’re close enough.
It feels like aloe has finally been slapped on a burn that’s been hurting for ages.
So I guess I’m going to stop rolling my eyes at the nostalgia industry. At least for now.
I’m gonna go make one of these as a cell phone charm instead.
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Genshin characters and their spider s/o
A little crossover HC post between terraformars and genshin.
Basically the reader is the result of a messed up experiment and now they look like a monstrous humanoid spider, like this guy:
Except you have no human skin or hair, just pure chitin, extra legs out the back, and mandibles(like a turian)
Also: request are still open, feel free to request!
Including: Jean, Xinqiu, and Razor
_____________________________
Jean: hollow knight
_____________________________
Jean had been receiving reports of frightened merchants and townsfolk, all of whom had been found on the road ranting about a giant spider.
Jean was sure it was nothing more than hilichurls or hoarders or abyss mages and the people were merely suffering panic induced hallucinations, this was supported by the clear signs of such dangers at the scene of the crime.
But still, neither any of the knights nor adventurers in the guild reported saving these people, nor did Diluc claim that he did when she asked him.
So Jean decided to investigate, after all not only is there a chance of finding camps of the three above dangers, but also the chance of finding a new ally.
When she saw you in a clearing you looked like a normal human, until you turned your head in an inhuman manner and looked at her with eight red glowing eyes.
You screamed at her and used your geo vision to grow eight giant legs out your back, which you used to run away.
Jean, being the persistent woman she is, wasn't about let you go until she confirmed if you were a friend or foe.
She chased you through the forest for a while, and unfortunately didn't notice a group of hilichurls hiding behind some trees.
One swung out and struck her from behind, knocking her to the ground.
At the sound of this you turned around and saw Jean on the ground.
While she easily could have beaten the hilichurls, she didn't have to. This is because you were immediately next to her, sword drawn and slicing through the monsters like a hot knife through butter. Your geo legs acted like extra blades that parried any attack directed towards the knight.
Because you're other legs were busy, however, you were unable to block the attack from a crossbow that shot right through your knee.
You fell down and were beaten senseless by the hilichurls, the last thing you remember was the sounds of a blade and the monsters turning to dust before you blacked out.
You woke up on a soft bed inside an unfamiliar building. You tried to get up but your knee had a large hole in it, luckily for you your ability to feel pain was long lost.
Jean entered a minute later with some food, "good, your awake."
"Where am I?" You asked.
"In my home, the guest room to be exact."
"Why did you save me?"
"Because you were in danger."
"Yes but why? Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Considering how you saved me as well? No, not at all."
Jean poured some tea for both of you, "now onto-"
You felt your eyes water, something you didn't realize you could still do.
"What's wrong?" Jean asked.
"It's just, it's been so long since anyone was...nice to me. My appearance isn't exactly very welcoming."
"And yet you still help people, the same people who call you a monster?"
"Of course! I might be an abomination, but I'm not a monster. In fact, before I became...this I had always dreamed of joining the knights."
"Well, that makes things easy."
"What do you mean?"
"While I cannot officially make you a knight, I can make you an honorary member of the knights of favonius."
"REALLY!?" You said, a child like excitment on your face.
So you joined the knights, of course not everyone was happy about this.
But noone doubted the acting grand master's decision, after all she never once failed the city.
After a while the city warmed up to you, even hailing you as a hero thanks to all you've done!
But the city's attitude towards you wasn't the only thing getting warmer.
Infact, a certain person's cheeks seemed to grow red as Amber's ribbon at the mere mention of your name.
Lisa and Kaeya were the first to notice Jean's infatuation with you, and they were quite intent on helping her.
It would be easy for them to set it up: you were cold blooded, so you had a heater in your room during the winter, and thanks to a 'freak lightning strike', your house was under renovations for the whole season, this caused Jean to let you stay in her home until yours was repaired.
Now all they had to do was sneak in an 'cool it' down.
You awoke in the middle of the night due to the temperature suddenly dropping. You tried turning on your heater but that didn't work. You went downstairs to make some hot tea, unaware that Kaeya swapped the labels on Jean's coffee and your tea. After making the beverage you sat down in the warmest corner, covered in blankets, and with a warm drink in hand.
Fun fact! Spiders get hella drunk off caffeine.
You are a spider.
One sip of the coffee and you felt funny, you couldn't think straight and felt wobbly.
Kaeya and Lisa giggled watching you.
"So, how DID you get them drunk? You couldn't exactly have spiked their tea could you?" Lisa asked.
"I swapped the labels on their tea and Jeans coffee. Spiders get hella drunk on-" Kaeya noticed Lisa worried face, "fuck, what did I do this time?"
"Kaeya, spiders don't get drunk on caffeine like humans do with alcohol."
Lisa pointed Kaeya towards the window
"Whoops"
Caffeine doesn't make spiders drunk the same way alchohol does a person, which is what Kaeya expected.
Caffeine makes spiders hyper, very hyper.
When Jean heard skittering and clanging she thought someone was robbing the house, so she was reasonably surprised to see you lying in the center of the kitchen, crying, and with webs all over.
When she asked what happened you just rolled over and mumbled out gibberish about how you can't catch any flies.
Jean picked you up to take you to bed, but you wrapped your arms and legs around her and caused her to fall.
"(Y/n), please let me go." Jean pleaded.
You shushed her, "nap time" and fell asleep.
Your grip was to strong for her to get out, and with your weight she couldn't get up in this position, so she just had to wait for you to get up.
The next day Jean got up the same time as you, she would have said something if you didn't kiss her and pet her head.
"I love this dream." You said, nuzzling into the crook of her neck.
Jean was shocked, what dream? You were clearly awake.
"I wonder if Jean is this warm in real life....I wish I could find out..."
"(Y-y/n)" she stuttered out, "you're not dreaming."
You shot up with all your eyes wide as saucers.
You immediately thought of running. But where would you go? The forest? Yeah, that works, just go there a-
You felt a warm sensation on your cheek.
"So (y/n), how does this dream usually go?" Jean said with a suggestive wink.
.
.
.
"(Y/n)?"
404 error, reader.exe has crashed
After that rather unconventional confession session, you both started dating.
Jean was concerned about not having enough time for you, but that proved to be very unfounded. Thanks to your many years alone you didn't know what dating was, so to you simply working together was fine.
On every mission out of the city you would bring gifts or a picnic for when the sun was setting.
On days where you both had paper work you would make tea and buy little cakes or biscuits and sit on her lap as you rested on eachother's shoulders and fed each other snacks, under the excuse that "sharing a chair saves space".
On the rare occasion Jean gets to have a day off, she showers you in affection.
She'll make you breakfast in bed(it's not good 80% of the time, but you don't tell her), she'll cuddle with you all day, she'll even read to you if you want. She wants to give back to you for all the time she couldn't give you her full attention.
_____________________________
Xingqiu: it's like one of my Inazuman graphic novels
_____________________________
Your meeting with the guhua geek was far more coincidental.
You were just minding your business, catching some animals to eat, when some weird guy just walks by you, not noticing you at all, as he reads his book.
You were rather suprised and, by extension, curious about this boy.
Was he blind in peripheral? Was he that brave? Was he an idiot?
A bit of colum B, mostly colum C.
Xingqiu sat down on a rock and continued reading, given how he was reading aloud you figured you might as well take advantage of his lack of notice and learn to read.
But he did notice.
"Ah shoot, spaces out again." Xingqiu cried, "now I have to start all over."
Xingqiu started reading the book all over again, much to your joy.
You could easily match his words to the page thanks to your speed of comprehension.
When the boy noticed it was getting late he decided to head home, while you were upset you didn't try and stop him. In fact you immediately darted away before he saw you.
The next day he came back, and read from the same spot.
And again
And again
This went on for quite some time.
Xingqiu knew someone was watching him, but he never was able to catch a glimpse. He just figured it was someone who wanted to read legends of the shattered halberd but couldn't find any copies, and so the chivalrous thing to do would be to read it for them.
One day he finished the fifth book and proclaimed it was the last one, which made you rather sad.
Until he spoke to you.
"Well my secretive friend," he turned around, "shall w-"
You screamed
He screamed
For about five minutes.
After which you both just stared at eachother.
He pointed a shakey finger at you, "you're-"
You turned away, 'a freak I know' you thought.
"SO COOL!"
"What?"
Xingqiu immediately ran at you and started inspecting you.
The whole time he had such an amazed look on his face.
"Woah!" He said as he grabbed your mandibles, "are these real?!"
"Ye ey are, a ah ee e ah a" you said hoping he would understand that you need them to talk.
"Oh. Hehe. Sorry." He said releasing them.
"Aren't you...scared of me?" You asked.
"Why would I be? If you wanted to kill me you would have. It's not like I was particularly on guard when I was reading for you."
'Y-you knew I was there?"
"I knew someone was there, and I knew they were watching me read. Since you showed such interest in my book I thought the only chivalrous thing to do was to keep reading."
You were shocked, most people just ran and screamed upon seeing you.
"Now, shall we go look for the sixth book?"
After that you and Xingqiu became fast friends.
He used some of the money he made from the scam he pulled on that scammer to buy out the forest you lived in, making it officially private property so that people won't go after you.
He kept coming back with books for you both to read, you absolutely loved it!
And while you never realized it, you also loved him.
He however, did know he loved you.
Being the menace to society he is, Xingqiu decided the best way to confess was to just kiss you.
You're sitting on a stump with your head on Xingqiu's shoulder.
"This book isn't as good as the others." You say.
"Ah don't be like that, fairy tales are the foundation of all those 'knight in shining armor books' you love."
"Yeah but this is boring."
"True, true. But I think it has a great ending." Xingqiu turned to the final page, "and then the knight told the (royal title) how much he loved them, and to seal his love he placed a kiss on their cheek."
"That wasn't good."
"Why? It was very realistic."
"In what reality does someone confess by kiss-"
*smooch*
It took you a solid five seconds to process what happened.
Xingqiu smirked at you like the bastard man he is, "this one I believe."
Your mandibles hung slack as your face got a dark shade of blue.
"Uh, (y/n)?"
"Clothes off, now."
Xingqiu stumbled out the forest four hours later. Chongyun, who was protecting his privacy, asked him what's wrong.
"Absolutely nothing." He responded with the largest grin a human could muster, before his legs gave out, "can you carry me home?"
Your relationship was more steady than just that bit though.
Xingqiu spent as much time with you as he could, he even learned how to hunt so he could be with you while you hunted for food.
You never left your forest though, you were far to afraid of people and especially the vigilant yaksha(which Xingqiu tried to convince you was friendly).
Of course, not everything goes so simply.
Xingqiu was skipping through the forest, far to enamoured at the idea of you to notice someone following him.
You sat calmly on your rock and awaited your boyfriend of two years, today was his birthday so you made him a beautiful silk picture of his favorite scene from 'the legend of the broken halberd'
You felt the boy drop into your lap, "hello my love!"
You wrapped your arms and extra legs around him, "hello my little knight, I have a wonderful gift for-"
"XINQIU! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!"
You both turned around to see a man who looked oddly like Xingqiu.
"H-hey big bro..." Xingqiu said, clearly nervous.
"You're his brother?" You asked, "nice to meet you! I'm your future sibling in law!"
His brother looked surprised, then angry, "Xingqiu, a word."
"No," he responded, "anything you can say to me you can say to my (s/o)."
"Xingqiu, this is not a game."
"ANYTHING," Xingqiu said, far more aggressive, "you can say to me, you can say to them."
His brother sighed, "you can't date them."
"I believe I can."
"XINGQIU! ME AND FATHER HAVE TOLERATED ENOUGH OF YOUR CHILDISHNESS! YOU ARE AN HEIR OF THE FEIYUN COMMERCE GUILD, YOU CANNOT DATE THAT-THAT THING!"
Xingqiu shot up into a fighting stance, "care to repeat that?"
Xingqiu stared down his brother with murderous intent.
"So you wont back down?"
"Never, I love (y/n) to much!"
"If you don't leave them, you'll be disowned by father, all your wealth, power, and influence will be forfeited. All for an inhuman freak!"
"Xinqiu please," you tried telling your beloved, "I won't let you sacrifice-"
"Sorry darling, but I don't give a damn." He interrupted you before turning to his brother, "I will NOT abandon my beloved (y/n)! They are the most precious thing in the world to me! So go ahead! Strip me if my title, my riches, of my very skin! My heart will yearn for nothing else but the cold hard touch of love that is my (s/o)!"
Xinqiu's brother smirked
"So, you promise to always be with (y/n)?"
"Yes!"
"Through both sickness and health?"
As smart as he was, Xinqiu couldn't see what was happening, "with all my heart and soul!"
"And you would take (Y/N) as your contractually bound spouse?"
"I would sooner bite my arm off than live another day without them as such! In fact!" Xinqiu turned to you, "(Y/N)! WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! COME ON!"
"Hold it!" His brother demanded, "(Y/N)! Would you stay with my brother, Xinqiu, through sickness and health, through rags and riches?"
You nodded, "forever and always!"
"And would you take him to be your contractually bound husband?"
"E-even if I had to fight Rex Lapis himself!"
Two burly hands grabbed the couple and pushed them together, "You may now kiss the bride!"
Without thought, you two kissed each other, not thinking to question the cheering, clapping, and crying-
You both pulled apart, "what the abyss is happening here?!"
The burly arms, now wrapping you both, was an older crying man who also looked like Xinqiu.
Xinqiu's Brother was crying and clapping.
Chongyun was blasting off party cones(🎉🎉these things)
And several other of Xinqiu's friends were there celebrating.
"W-wait..." Xinqiu started to remember that his brother, as a high ranking member of a commerce guild, can officiate marriages.
The older man, Xinqiu's father, cried and said, "finally! Grandchildren!"
(If you can't have babies, adoption exists and is perfectly normal)
Needless to say
404 error, Xinqiu.exe and Reader.exe have stopped working
_____________________________
Razor: the big bad spider and the itsy bitsy spider
_____________________________
(Please understand that my knowledge of Razor is based on his quest, I know of his special vision but it won't be brought up for this. I will be sure to read the wiki page for him if I write him again)
Razor knew something was wrong.
His wolf side told him something was wrong with the forest, and his human side told him it should be either avoided at all cost or destroyed.
Because it had stayed away he had largely tried to just avoid it and keep his lupical away from whatever IT is.
Until a foolish pup decided to try and defeat whatever big bad monster had their protector so scared.
Razor ran faster than any lightning bolt upon hearing the news.
Razor didn't know what he was seeing: giant webs strewn out covering entire trees, boars and Hilichurls wrapped in webs and frozen in a sickly green.
And at the center of it all was a giant, monstrous creature with eight leg like roots coming from it's back, feeding off the life of all the creatures stuck here.
This is what he was afraid of, the beast that every inch of his primal self screamed to get away from.
But he couldn't, not until he found the pup!-
"Hello." You said calmly to the strange man coming into your home, "is this your's?"
You outstretched your hand and a sleeping pup drifted towards razor on a flower.
"He caused lots of problems, so I made him sleep. Don't worry, it's nothing permanent, give him an hour or two and he'll be right up."
After Razor left, you assumed that would be the last disturbance for a while.
But it wasn't.
Razor's wolf half still feared you, was still mortified when he pictured your spider like face, your towering body, everything.
But his human half...teembled.
Not in fear, but in a different way.
He couldn't stop thinking of you, and his primal upbringing did little to quell the less romantic thoughts about your gem like eyes, the way your mandibles clicked and moved when you talked, the overwhelming nature energy that you radiated.
But he still knew good enough to get to know you better.
Just not HOW to do it.
"Why are you spider?"
Is not a good first thing to ask.
But you explained regardless: you were taken as a kid and experimented on by some rogue students from Sumeru academy.
Then some purple lady rescued you, and while you were grateful you much preferred living out in the wild.
"Yes...wild is good! Wolvendom, especially good!"
Someone please help him.
"Purple lady....ah! Shockey wizard lady from knights?"
You nodded
"Razor good friends with her and honorary knight! Do you know red flamy girl?"
"Klee? Oh yes! I love her! She's such a nice kid!"
"Yes, Klee is like lupical! Even if she...burns down forest from time to time."
Lucky for him, your shared familial love for the pyromaniacal minor helped bridge the gap between you two.
Eventually he even got you to leave your grotto(?) And meet his lupical!
He introduced you to the wonders of actually eating rather than just sucking the life force out of animals.
You both love and protect the forest of wolvendom, and if any large threat arises to it then you both will fight fang and claw to protect your home!
Neither of you know what love is in the human sense, but you both feel it to each other and act upon it: giving each other a portion of your food, taking blows in battle for each other, and cuddling more intimately than just friends would.
You are his lupical, and so much more.
_____________________________
I started this near last year's end, it took me till now to realize I should only do 3 characters.
(Paging: @golden-wingseos, @storytravelled)
#genshin#genshin impact#genshin impact fanfiction#jean x reader#Razor x reader#Xinqiu x reader#xinqiu#genshin jean#razor
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Diavolo as a Dad
I just want to take a sec and thank everyone for the attention this blog gets. I’m always surprised at how many notes and reblogs there are. Seriously! I have, like, 16 posts and somehow I have 400 followers?! It’s really nice (つ´∀`)つ
I like it best when there’s comments. It makes me happy \(^o^)/
I saw a comment on “The Bros as Dads” post asking for Diavolo as a dad, so here you go. I tried to tag you, but your handle didn’t come up :/
Hopefully you guys like this. I feel like Diavolo’s character is very vague.
This kind of turned into general Diavolo headcanons + Diavolo as a Dad. My b.
General Diavolo Headcanons:
I headcanon that demons have a natural attraction to humans not only because of whatever energy they could provide, but because there’s something innate that makes them want humans. Maybe like an ancient call to their corruptibility or something. Or simply a predator coaxing prey into the den.
Diavolo is especially susceptible to this because he’s the prince. The higher up in the demon hierarchy you are, the more you want humans for their spirit, purity, the soul contract, and just some kind of satisfaction only they can give
There’s probably a forbidden fruit element to it, too. Demons were harassed by humans and angels alike to leave them be, and that just made them more attractive
He genuinely wanted to befriend humans and knock down some old walls and superstitions, so he made the exchange program. A lot of times the sheer excitement of making it happen is enough to take the edge off his demon side. Ignore the whispers saying the little human would be such a treat, like a little lamb in the palm of his hand...
Diavolo’s a pretty outgoing and friendly guy who’s been trapped in a castle of propriety and demands. This human is also his chance at escape, to learn more than books could ever teach him.
At first he’s worried about seducing them (like the old call demands) but when he realizes the human has a crush on him without that influence, he’s stoked.
Pure and perfect, right? THE example of what his program was trying to achieve!
The dates start off innocent and cute--studying and tea in the castle, a small brunch here and there. Diavolo has skipped out on several duties because he simply must treat you to Devildom cuisine! If he didn’t, they wouldn’t get the full experience now, would they?
Barbatos has had to hunt down Lord Diavolo more than he cared for. If you end up convincing Diavolo back to the castle, he respects you. He appreciates the extra babysitter.
You bring a joy to Diavolo’s lavish monotony and he wants the Devildom and human world to know he’s serious about forging better bonds, so he asks if you want to make a pact.
That’s what he says, but it’s so much more than that. Diavolo couldn’t put it all into words and you probably don’t have the lifespan it would take for him to explain (if he could).
At most, there’s something warm and giddy and pulsing in him at the thought of being so close with you. Two souls sharing a bond. Being looked at with such love and adoration...
His pact mark is large and elaborate, and he takes great joy in hiding it from the Devildom, relishing the rare mornings where he helps you dress. He doesn’t regret bonding with you, but he doesn’t want to draw unsavory attention.
Diavolo as a Dad (when you’re pregnant) :
You realize you’re pregnant before Barbatos and Diavolo do, neither one of them very familiar with how humans carry the pregnancy or change throughout.
There’s subtle signs about how your skin is changing, the way your hair looks, and how you smell different. It’s firing off in Diavolo’s brain, tickling at the edge of it, but he can’t figure out what it is.
Barbatos consulted Solomon and got extra suspicious. When you realize he’s starting to put it together, you do the reveal.
You write a note and draw a picture of the pregnancy test, mixing it up in the papers he has to review. Then, just to be extra cute, you busy yourself about the castle to “give him private time”.
Diavolo is handling his paperwork, per usual (it’s almost automatic). The unofficial form catches his eyes since it’s more a note than anything. He reads it and suddenly the WHOLE CASTLE is up in arms with joy.
Doesn’t matter what room you’re in, you heard him. That big, joyful laugh that works his whole chest.
The Little D’s of the castle are skittering around and whooshing through walls to help him find you. You can hear him flying around and calling for you, and it’s like the times you’ve played hide and seek.
The second Diavolo finds you, he crushes you to him and smothers you with kisses. His eyes sparkle as he snuggles you, big purr rolling through his chest. He’s asking a million questions about human children
The two of you take classes together. He studies up on humans and you learn about how to care for demon babies.
Barbatos cries inside at the thought of baby-proofing the castle. He gets the bright idea to hire a bunch of moms and they do sweeps of the castle, tidying up and making lists of what needs to be put away or added to make it safe
You’re given a special brew (exclusive to the royal family) and drink it daily. It fortifies your body to deliver the child and gives the baby its royal heritage (basically makes sure Diavolo’s genes and the demon side comes out a bit stronger).
Even though it tastes good and something in it makes you want to drink it, you’re sick of it by the second month. Barbatos and Diavolo continue to insist that you do. The child should be at least half-demon and will need to be recognized as next-of-kin for ruling.
Diavolo would love to take you out to socialize and attend public classes, but he’s busy and you’re in a delicate state. The royal physicians say the brew does a lot internally so it’s best not to stress you too much (If he’d done The King’s Brew ritual before you were pregnant, the baby would’ve been 3/4th demon and you wouldn’t have so many restrictions. Who knew?)
There’s a lot of private dates around the royal gardens and any beautiful sight he can give you. If you want company, he invites people to you. You want exquisite food? Barbatos can cook, but if you don’t want his cooking then Diavolo can have it delivered. The castle is spacious enough for you to get your daily exercise with simple walks.
He adores seeing you in the royal colors and is constantly sharing visions of diaphanous gowns and anything that can make you comfortable to the designers. Always gushes when he sees you in something new.
Being an old-fashioned demon prince, he does a series of small oil paintings instead of maternity photos. When you explain that maternity photos are more of a human thing, he books a session so the child can see both (the oil paintings are tasteful and appropriate for the castle but they all end up in his study).
Is totally on board with helping you dress (or laying in bed with your huge baby bump when clothes seem a bit hard for the next 5-10 minutes), and taking long, relaxing baths.
Takes his paperwork to bed so he can watch you sleep. You might snore, and the bed is almost comically huge, but you look so relaxed that Diavolo swears you lied to him about being purely human
His favorite thing to do is rub ointments and tinctures on your belly to help your skin. Loves to give you shoulder kisses while he does.
When he finds out you’re having a boy, he commissions tiny matching outfits. He doesn’t know if he wants to gush over the details or cry (”Barbatos, how inconceivably tiny! Isn’t it amusing?”)
Diavolo as a Dad (for real) :
Has to be given very explicit instructions about age-appropriate play because the minute the kid is crawling Diavolo’s going to want to play with him like a toddler.
Lets him teethe on old antique gold stuff that gives Mammon an aneurysm when he realizes what the kid’s doing (and how expensive the thing is in his hands).
Had a treasure chest-style bassinet comissioned because his kid is his treasure. One of the two--two and a half, with Barbatos--greatest treasures in his castle.
100% uses the kids to shirk his royal duties, but you and Barbatos keep him on a tight leash. Literally. He has a coupon allotment for the week (if you didn’t do the coupon thing he’d NEVER get any work done).
He LIVES for the skin-to-skin contact and is very disappointed when he has to put clothes back on for guests or meetings. He’s just doing what’s best for his son, okay?
That child is going to be spoiled AF. Always wanting to be held or next to his papa.
Diavolo isn’t allowed to do the chest carrier because he gets so excited about stuff he might sling the kid around on accident (Barbatos banned it after he held the baby through some paperwork and spent half the time playing with his feet).
Can never get over how tiny his son is, or how he can hold him in one hand. Somehow works it into every conversation.
Will work his kid into every conversation. Has pictures to go along with it.
His official Devilgram is 80% his kid or you (or both), 5% Barbatos, 5% other people, and 10% bad shots he doesn’t know how to delete.
Almost all of his Devilgram videos were taken by Barbatos because Diavolo absolutely loses it when the baby speaks gibberish. He dies laughing and just can’t hold it together. The video is just shaky and blurry otherwise.
You’d think every time he sees him is the first time because Diavolo is so smitten and amazed
The Little D’s of the castle are always giggling to themselves and racing to tell you that they caught Diavolo peppering kisses on his little baby forehead or fists.
He’s a really involved and happy dad. Childlike and joyful by nature, he’s super invested in his kid. Sometimes it’s like you have two, but Diavolo means well.
Decent at all reverse psychology ploys. Kid doesn’t want mommy’s affection? More for him! Kid’s not hungry? He’ll eat it, then (and the dessert that they totally can’t have now)!
Can’t really discipline. Feels too guilty. Threatens the child with Barbatos or you.
Is really surprised when the kid has a ‘mom day’ where it seems like he doesn’t exist but totally understands (”Your mom has that affect on me, too.”)
Hope you liked it :)
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hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.
on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.
but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.
(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)
and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.
aaaah hello anon!
thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????
the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"
my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is
I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.
I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.
Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.
And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.
There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen
There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?
but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.
I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.
*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that
of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.
but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side
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Wonder Woman 1984
The first 3/4 of 2017’s Wonder Woman was my favorite film of that year. The last 1/4 was my least favorite film of that year. What can I say, I have a complicated relationship with the DCEU, and the part I keep getting disappointed by is the big smash-em-up, explosions everywhere, muddy mess of orange/blue filter in the “climactic showdown” between hero and villain. I just don’t have the patience for it anymore, and I was so hoping that the Jazzercise vibes of Wonder Woman 1984 would do something different.
As it turns out, this movie was trying to warn me like so many stories that have come before - be careful what you wish for. Just how badly did my wish go bad? Well...
I’d already heard some questionable things about the movie before I tuned in, so my expectations were tempered but I guess it was on me. I should have known better than to wish for a story with reasonable pacing, some kind of consistent tone, villains with discernable motivation, or a Wonder Woman movie that was actually about fucking Wonder Woman. I’m not even mad as much as I am puzzled. That and tormented by Pedro Pascal’s manic televangelist energy in my dreams.
Some thoughts:
I have never wanted to go anywhere as much as I want to in 2020, and the place I want to go more than any other is Themyscira. Love this first sequence. Why is the whole movie not about Themyscira??
If the Olympics were like this whole long Amazonian warrior triathlon, I would be WAY more into track and field.
Also I legit don’t understand the problem with her taking the short path? Like, it’s there for a reason? She just caught up to her horse? Someone explain this to me.
So this mall...basically the hub of American commerce in the 80s that was practically printing money, it made it so fast...is secretly a front for antiquities trading on the black market? And these unorganized-ass dipshit criminals who seemingly just walked in off the street and decided to engage in some light robbery today are after antiquities? Sure, Jan.
Ohh I miss Waldenbooks so much!
This thwarting of crime sequence in the mall feels so...cheesy. Schlocky, almost. Like a 50s comic book come to life. I dunno, it just doesn’t feel like the tone I was expecting. In the context of the whole film, we really blew our action load in these first 2 sequences, and also this is the last point in the movie in which Diana actually resembles her character from the first film.
I would also be stammery and blushy when talking to Diana Prince for the first (and second) time, but I’m kinda getting a gay vibe from Barbara. This meet-cute + date is definitely playing up romantic vibes. Kristen Wiig is so good at characters like these - in less than 2 scenes, I have such a clear picture of who Barbara is, what she wants, what she fears, and that’s all down to Wiig’s choices. [ETA: This makes it all the more infuriating when Barbara suddenly is like “I want to be an apex predator” when nothing about her character’s reaction to getting positive attention indicates she would want to start shitting all over everyone else.]
Pedro Pascal is skeeving me out as our villain Max Lord, which really just shows his range, because normally I love him and find him wildly charming in everything. But he’s playing this oil baron creep to the max, as they would say in the parlance of the 80s, and it makes my skin crawl.
The mechanics of how Steve Trevor returns are wildly confusing. Why is this other guy involved at all? Are we supposed to be ok with the idea of Diana fucking *some other dude’s body* without his consent just because Steve’s spirit/consciousness/whatever is inside the guy? Also that guy DEFINITELY got fired from his job after going AWOL for a whole week, right?
I am thrilled with Steve’s clothes montage. One of my favorite things in any 80s film, and his enthusiasm really sells it.
I do really like Diana and Steve playing detective, following clues, crafting theories. In spite of the absolute dumbassery of how Steve came back, Chris Pine and Gal Gadot have incredible chemistry and I do find their scenes together delightful.
I think that’s why it’s so frustrating to me the way their entire relationship was handled. If the whole point of the wish going bad is that it has a cost, wouldn’t it have been better, instead of making Diana weak, to have Steve slowly start to be more and more of an asshole - aka not the Steve Diana remembered and loved? Make her realize that the Steve she knew and loved is really gone and she has to stop letting his memory hold her hostage. Maybe his last moment of self-awareness would be realizing that this wasn’t who he really was, and she was better off just remembering who he was and moving on rather than trying to hold on to this thing that isn’t good for her?
The sequence with the fireworks made me emotional. The only time I’ve ever been on a plane on the 4th of July was when I was coming back from a visit with my uncle in Dallas. He had flown me, my mom, and my grandma down for a whirlwind trip, and we flew back the night of the 4th. I got to see fireworks from above for the first time, and it felt so magical. My uncle passed away 2 months ago, and feeling that magic again (via Diana and Steve) made me miss him and all the adventure he brought into my life something fierce.
Am I supposed to be like...anti- the idea of Barbara absolutely kicking the shit out of this drunk catcaller who attempted to assault her earlier in the movie? It feels like the film wants us to be like “oh no that’s bad” but my empathy goes on vacation for attempted rapists.
Like...did anyone do ANY kind of fact-checking on this script? The Maya haven’t been “wiped from the face of the earth” there are still 6 million of them living in Central and South America. Escalators were invented in the 1890s for fucks’ sake. PLANES IN THE 80S DONT WORK LIKE PLANES IN 1918. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT ALL THOSE SWITCHES DO STEVE. Also...just because the plane is invisible doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist anymore. Isn’t the whole point of radar to detect things that you can’t, y’know, SEE? Seriously, how many people fiddled with this script until it turned into an incomprehensible mess?
Did I Cry? OK yeah, I did when Diana and Steve had their conversation after they escaped the White House. But I feel like I should have cried more then, as well as earlier when Diana tells Steve that she only wants this one thing. I love Gal Gadot in this role, but I do wish her acting expressed a little more emotional depth and honesty for the moments like this that should really tug on the heartstrings.
I know Wonder Woman is bulletproof, but are we saying she’s also...immune to electricity?
If there’s one thing that living through a global pandemic has taught me, it’s that we can’t rely on the inherent responsibility of every individual person to do the right thing in order to save their community (or the world). So the climax of this film really feels like a big ol’ fictional FUCK YOU to every person who has been quarantining since March as the US government twiddles their thumbs and relies on personal choice to lower infection rates. I know they made this film during 2019 and had no idea what would be coming, but this entire sequence was the most horrifying, short-sighted, offensive way to have good overcome evil I could imagine for a 2020 movie. “Just count on people to do the right thing and everything will be fine!” We’re WELL FUCKING PAST THAT, Diana.
And maybe this is my debbie downer pessimistic ass, but the message “the world is a beautiful place the way it was” feels like some real bullshit. Do you mean the world is a flawed, complicated place where beautiful things exist DESPITE all the violence, inequality, and poverty? Ok, that I’ll buy, for sure. But “Everything was fine the way it was!” is uhh not what I would have gone with. That’s a first draft edit if ever I heard one. Seriously, how did this make it through MULTIPLE studio drafts and no one thought to point this out?
I literally had to go back after the credits were over and rewind to figure out what happened to Pedro Pascal at the end. If I not only don’t care, but also can’t remember what happened to the villain at the end of the movie, that’s a big motherfucking problem.
I was giddily delighted by that first post-credits scene though! Probably the biggest moment of joy I felt during the film.
For being a Wonder Woman movie, it feels like there’s so little actual Wonder Woman IN the movie. The first film is rooted firmly in Diana finding her place in the world, understanding and coming into her power. This feels like she’s a bystander in her own life, and her most significant moments are always in the context of someone else’s narrative arc. And there’s nothing that comes even close to the breathless wonder of that No-Man’s-Land scene, aka one of the best superhero movie moments of all time.
This doesn’t have the knowing wink of Aquaman or the nuanced character arcs of Birds of Prey. It doesn’t have the childish glee of Shazam! or any of the nonsensical grimdark bullshit of Zack Snyder’s entire ouvre. It feels like Wonder Woman 1984 suffers the same fate as its protagonist - a profound lack of presence or drive. Sure there are some fun sequences, and the actors are doing the best they can with a weak script, but it’s just not enough to save it. In a year where I saw so few contemporary films (focusing more on catching up on past films I’d missed), I can’t think of one that disappointed me more.
#121in2021#wonder woman 1984#ww84#gal gadot#chris pine#pedro pascal#kristen wiig#patty jenkins#wonder woman#diana prince#steve trevor
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john entwistle biography review
ok so first: I didnt really like the biography because I thought it would focus on totally different aspects. John was a musical virtuoso and that hardly ever gets mentioned in the book. But we get exact axccounts on how much money he spent on what day and in which pub he bought which champagne. like wow thanks. The other personal stuff is basic who knowledge you can read in any other Who biography. His autobiographical bits were joy and fun! Maybe the only reason to buy the book in my opinion. He writes totally different than the author...
ANYWAYS: here my fav facts from the book that you probably didnt know before
this is the face of a man who -when his father gave him driving lessons for his 21st birthday as a present- decided driving wasnt really his thing and he spent the money on clothes and parties instead. He never had a drivers license ever and also never desired to have one
the hospital he was born in, was bombarded and destructed one day after his birth
as a child he was really weak and thin and had basically every disease that existed
his family was poor af
his father left the family early and held contact with his son, but soon disappeared with a new family
his stepdad, Gordon, disliked John alot and would ignore him, hated everything John did or said and he let his bad moods out on Johns mother, which caused John to be very silent and observative around the house so that there wouldnt be any trouble
he did everything to please Queenie (his mom) so that there was no fighting, according to Alison
loved drawing and playing but usually alone since he had no friends apart from their dog
he heard a trumpet solo once from a trad jazz band when he was 6 or so and decided he wanted to learn the trumpet
my fav line of the book probably: “despite his own expectations, he passed the exams to go to grammar school” like same
at school he was bullied from the older boys but soon left alone by them because he would fight back with badass comments
he applied for the school band for the trumpet but the tallest guy in the year was chosen (he was the 2nd tallest) which made John mad, but he discovered the french horn
soon he found a friend, mickey brown, at last and he gave him the nickname “ent”
he was so terrible in P.E that he was dismissed with other pupils to play somehwere else, they were called “the hockey misfits” and guess who was among them: Pete Townshend.
yeah as you might know they became besties because they loved music and black humour.
he found himself a gf (alison) and Pete & a school gang (like 4 ppl) and his life seemed to finally get where it should.
his worst subjects were geography and german like wow (im a german geography student lmao)
once they played in a pub and johns stepdad was there and was super angry and gave john a list with his fav pubs and told him “these are the places I never want to hear your fucking music playing”.
after walking home pete decided to switch the guitar and john wanted to become a musician more than ever
Roger found him and John kind of convinced him (it took months apparently) to get Pete into the band and then it all started
he judged the beatles because John Lennons harmonica was “out of tune” in love me do, wow ok you nerd
john started smoking with 20 and was the last one to quit his job for the band and he was against drugs at first (bc he had a “civilized” job) but then decided to give a shit, dyed his hair black, bought cigarettes, smoked dope with pete and did speed too
he wanted to step out of himself and feel good about himself and he was always a fashionnerd so he started buying and trading and selling clothes (he once was dismissed from school bc he wore the school uniform incorrectly)
with 18 or so he was still living at home, had a toy soldier collection and a pet budgie
pete and his college friends made fun of john bc he wasnt a student and still lived at home, although john could have gone to college too and he wanted to, but his stepdad again said no and he had no choice.
he was very awkward and introverted but could open up with his music
he was really into pop art (esp pop art clothes)
was a pseudo mod bc he only liked the fancy clothes and motown music
with the who he found a purpose in his life and finally could be different than ordinary ppl
hated when people touched his hair, he literally hated it
would fuss much about his hair in general
once after a concert they were starving and the room service was alreday home so they had to look on used plates and food wagons and John found a shrimp and said: “who wants to dine with me tonight?” (idk that really made me laugh)
keith moon was john entwistles soulmate and they were the cutest, most iconic and funniest duo ever end of discussion
his amps would soon be called little manhatten bc he had so many bc he wanted to be loud
he actually went to sing at church once when he was like 24 and the band made fun of him then he stopped
in the late 60s he bought a house with alison in a normal neighbourhood and went walking the dogs on sundays and stuff
but he was a party animal and always the last to go
he was really sensitive and cried often according to Alison but only in front of certain people
he would totally step out of his way to please people
when they played at the monterey pop festival they didnt bring their own amps along and john was furious bc he said the american amps are shit and kit was like “no” and john didnt talk to him for the whole festival until their perfomance was over and they had sounded like shit to tell kit “I TOLD YOU SO” thats how extra he was
when he got money he would spend it bc he was so used to being poor that he thought it wouldnt last long and he had to enjoy it NOW
he was always calm and everyone respected him and kit told a story where he entered the room and roger was at keiths throat and and pete was screaming something and john was sitting in the corner cleaning his nails. thats who energy
liked to dance at parties
his fav drink was rémy cognac with 40% and he would drink like 1 bottle alone everyday in his later years...wow dude
he was also gentlemanTM and once paid taxis for girls from london to brighton after a party
once at a wedding the free drinks were out and John just gave the barkeeper his creditcard and said he will pay for all the drinks of the night for everyone (it wasnt his wedding)
Roger once said: “John made smartass comments that deserved a punch in the face” sounds like him yes
he didnt really care about money and always wanted to pay and never told anyone how much things had cost and brought gifts for everyone
soon that ended in a shopping addiction tho and he bought ridiculous things for ridiculous amounts of money
when the who was inactive he sank into depression :(
held the band together during who by numbers & who are you
wrote and played all the quadrophenia horn parts himself
never lost his passion for art and always drawed alot, said Alison
cried when Christopher was born aww
once he saw their manager in an art museum and how he wanted to buy a painting but couldnt afford it, so John bought it secretly and shipped it to said managers home as a gift
We all know John was a huge collector. His most treasured collection was .. wait for it: teapots.
he tried to save Keith from being arrested once and ended up being arrested too lol
wanted to write a scifi concept album but desorted the idea and gave some songs to the who (905) or Pete
was a good cook apparently
When he gave a hug HE was the one who decided when to let go sdfghjk
hated confrontation and would hire other people to tell someone bad news
he spent so much money on dumb shit like wtf
but didnt really care either
probably the master in picking up and seducing girls
he let his stepdad live in the quarwood mansion when he wasnt there but Gordon was still an asshole wtf
the contact to his real dad was really sporadic
when the who ended, it hit him really hard and he didnt know what to do besides partying and buying stuff/hording stuff
was very insecure and selfconscious in the 80s according to Maxene :(
he actually took pete breaking up the who really personal and was sad 24/7
was that kind of guy that said bad stuff about the who but when you said bad stuff he would try to kill you on spot
with cocaine he felt really confident and still like the 60s/70s rockstar he once was but he didnt understand that these times were over and he needed to move on
sometimes went into random pubs with friends and made jam sessions for the guests
he still was generous and loving until he died and tried to play with other bands but it was not the same
he really liked Kenney and hung out with him more than with his wife at some point lmao
was a total giver and people who worked at quarwood would steal money from him but when someone pointed that out he got angry with that person for even suggesting that
was a real softieee (and a huge nerd)
all his friends said that he was shy at first but once you got to know him he would come totally out of himself, was very funny, loved to tell stories, was very very loyal and would try evertyhing to make you laugh aww
all in all a glorious story with a sad ending and he did destroy himself completely, but lets remember that Pete Townshend described old John still as "wonderful, mature and elegant” so lets cling on to that :)
#the who#John Entwistle#band#literature#the ox#mine#pete and rog didnt participate in the bio maybe thats why its hit#*shit#not hit#also you can see: no info about his musical inspiration or werdegang#can not recommend#althought this post might look fun these are the filtered cool stories from like 330 pages#classic rock
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Headcanons of the boys with a pregnant mc??
Aaron:
1/3 that Knows What Might Be Happening Before You Do™ "Holy shit, you're pregnant?" he yelps out of nowhere. Truth is, you don't know wtf he's talking about.
Sniffs the air around you and then gets those dog zoomies in human form. He just runs around the house and comes back into the parlor, looking at you and saying "I'm going to be a fucking father!"
When he calms down and sits, you ask him wtf is going on and he says "I can smell your hormones and you're pregnant?"
You might pass out but no, not with the Super Dad™ looking out for you.
After you actually confirm with a very disgusted Ethan saying something like "ew you both fucked" and leaving, he's going to be overprotective of you.
No running down the stairs. No hard training, just jogs. Not too much. No swords, missy! No running in the hallways, no beer, no to staying in cold baths like you do, no getting sick, eating is a MUST and he's going to play with you in wolf form so you're never down, no stress too, if you want some space, your man's got you, he'll go do something. You're going to have to eat even if you're a chalice.
He will hunt more and eat animals to save your blood and just drink to complete his diet. He might even give you some of his blood once a month.
Gets super excited when the baby moves. Loves them because they kick Ivan's head when he tries to listen to your tummy.
When you're about to give birth he also senses first. Whimpers like a puppy and scoops you up, taking you to the room and doing as planned. Won't leave your side and when he sees your baby's first ever blink, he cries quietly. Will thank you so much.
He's also going to put up the cutest room of all of them. There will be some flowers, nice windows and many fur comfy sheets and the crib is bigger than him. No one knows why.
Raphael:
He is 2/3 that Knows What Might Be Happening Before You Do™. He was under the suspicion that something in your body was changing. He just couldn't put his finger on it.
But then in one night where you both were sleeping together he turned his face upwards and he started to think about how calm the last days had been. His hand caressed your waist lovingly to soothe you when you stirred a little in bed. Your shirt rode up and he was a little weirded out by how your skin seemed thin to the touch.
Almost as if your belly was growing. In fact, he noticed that it was, but it was so little...
He sat up with his back straight like the wall and gasped.
He decided to try and find out without alarming you, but his mind was already making scenarios where your baby would grow up to be an amazing adult and you'd love a great life together.
Is super careful with you, makes sure you're always lively and he chooses some of the softest fabrics for the baby. Sometimes he smiles to himself and closes his hand where the baby moved.
Gets scared when the baby makes weird shapes on your tummy and then giggles. They're so energetic and seem healthy!
When he sleeps, he is always looking forward to meeting his kid again and again, even if they still didn't make it to the world.
Will read you so much poetry and try to make you relax as much as you can.
Will be silent during the birth. Just whispering how proud he is, a wavering smile on his face and tears of pure joy staining his cheeks. When he feels the baby's face, he will gasp. They're so small and delicate. Even if he could see, he could never capture with him brushes how pretty his child was.
Beliath:
3/3 that Knows What Might Be Happening Before You Do.™ He's a demon, for God's sake! (ba doom tssss)
I headcanon that Beliath can feel people's life energy because if demons such as him and Leandra don't know which prey is worth all the power usage and time, life would turn dangerous. It's a basic power to a demon: feel how many people there are in a place by their energy. He will sense your mood swings and most importantly, he will sense a change in your energy.
He's going to be final about it when he gets in the kitchen after helping with the garden to find you sitting with a very creeped out Aaron in the kitchen, eating a beef bigger than your head like your life depended on it even if you had no urges to eat anymore.
He would try to feel for your energy and then he'd sense something like a second presence.
He'd frown deeply. "Aaron, come closer to me." He'd say looking at the floor. "I don't know what's happening to them. They just said to bring meat back home and forced me to make this stew." He said.
"I wash hoongry!" They snarled with their mouth full. Beliath, however, was paler than usual. When Aaron moved, the presence didn't fade. It was inside of his s/o.
You'll be the prettiest pregnant in the world. You'll get jewelry, healthy meals, massages, pedicure, hair care, pretty clothes and he'll even do your makeup when he senses you're close to give birth. He's always making sure you're treated like royalty and you'll never have to stretch your arm out fully.
He'll be very loving and protective. After you give birth he'll find you to be the prettiest person he's ever seen and that's final.
When you're giving birth he's going to be your biggest motivation. He will squeeze you hand and tell you to keep going. Someone like you can pull this off without any doubt.
He doesn't cry much, just a few tears. He's just too mesmerized to ever focus on crying. Your baby is the epitome of beauty. And they smile often. He laughs at their gums.
Vladimir:
Part 1/2 of the Clueless Until Something Weird and Fucking Scary Happens™ crew.
He'll only realize when your tummy is growing. He will think you're getting chubby and will blush: you'd look so cute and soft.
but then, in one of these nights where he rests his head on your tummy, it kicks his face!
The both of you will tell almost like the "Stop! I couldda dropped my croissant!" Dude. Now he thinks you're sick!
That is until Ethan, with his eyes bigger than saucers bc he was deceived with the story that you have a strange illness comes to check up on you and then he just rolls his eyes and deadpans, "So, you've knocked MC up and now you want to say they're sick?"
After that, he is even more worried. Looks at himself in the mirror every day for the next nine months thinking that he is going to be a god-damned father. But doesn't let up. Your kid will have a room ready in five days. Seeing him and Beliath putting a crib together is priceless. Bel gets his head smacked with his part of the wood pieces often.
"love, there's paint on your hair. Over here." He's never going to be composed. He's blushing and rushing to the bathroom to clean it.
When the baby is about to come into the world, he's going to ball his eyes out. More than the baby. The baby might give him a stank face for stealing his moment.
Ethan:
Sole member of the group "I Knew From The Start But I Just Denied It Because How Tf Will A Crazy Bastard Like Me Help My Pregnant Partner Raise a Whole Entirety Of a Child?"
He's trying his best to brace himself to be a father. But he just can't imagine not making it harder for you. How was he supposed to teach a kid how to live if he wasn't prepared to go on after 80 years himself?
One day after lost sleep, he will look at himself in the mirror thinking he's just that war doctor that isn't mentality stable. But then it will click: he IS the war doctor. He had made many difficult choices and saw life fade in front of him. He always made the difficult choices. Always chose who was going to live. And he was going to do it again. His child would fucking live. And he was going to make sure of that.
Getting exercise just the right amount, eating right, waking up early and resting early under Ethan's supportive and determined gaze, that's how it would be. Even if he was always taking care of you, he was bracing himself for the possibilities, for be your doctor when you gave birth, for watching over the baby. That's all he could do as he didn't know how to be more than a friend to your baby. If your baby ever loved him.
But as the months ran long and short at the same time, he watched your every gesture. The way you talked to the baby. The way you'd caress and poke your tummy lightly creating little rhythms when you sang. The way you'd mock him when you didn't realize he was there and say he was such a worried and careful father. Saying things the baby would love about him.
Was it possible that even without him seeing a good father on himself, you were actually... Excited?
After that, he went softer still. He'd be mesmerized when the baby moved, when he imagined their tiny hands closed in fists as they ran through the house. Would they be a troublemaker? They could definitely get along. He found himself closer to you, earning and waiting to see what they could do. How they'd change his perception of things even more.
He might not know what he wants for your baby, but he knows what he doesn't want for them and you're definitely with him in this. That's a start, right?
The kind of dad to say the kid's tummy looks like a watermelon. Scares you saying he's giving him some ugly name. Laughs a lot at you and says he's so happy.
Ivan:
Part 2/2 of Clueless Until Something Weird and Fucking Scary Happens™ crew.
You see, you know when there are these pregnant women that have really small tummies and then the baby suddenly punches some room for themselves out of nOWHERE and grow? That was it.
He was like "aww look at ur tummy hehehe kiss kiss cute!"
But then in one of these days, he rests his head on your tummy and the baby is like "oof get off of me I'm sWEATING" and then they jAB HIS HEAD.
He jumps up so high and out the bed that you would mistake him for a long ass frog. He points at your tummy and yells "ETHAAAAAAN"
Ethan isn't even rude seeing how terrified he is. Aaron barges in and then suddenly is full of grow ass men watching your man-kicking tummy. Turns out you were just pregnant. Maybe he'll try yahoo answers? Goooosh, this is hard.
When he collects his thoughts, will be more responsible, shy and clingy. He planned this once in his life before, so he's very happy that this happened now that he's sure of you. You put up with him this whole time, he is sure you're gonna be a good mommy too.
With every single piece of clothing the others bring, he gets more and more excited. Confides in Aaron a lot and when he tells the wolf that he can be the godfather, he literally howls and lifts him up. They might cry in the woods.
He is very soft and he will give you support when it's time for the birth. He just won't cry like Vlad bc after the baby cries and Ethan sighs blissfully he passes out in relief. Ethan groans. But takes care of him anyways. He suddenly got softer after the announcement. He seemed to bond with Ivan... But dONT TELL HIM THAT.
He's also going to make u listen to classical music for your child to be born Smart™ and a Person Of Culture™.
Actually very serious and emotional. Vladimir could never with all his crying.
Your kid is gonna grow up very sweet, but not the type to sit down and be bullied or dismissed bc they'll only know that from their father honestly. I stan your baby
#bunny's headcanons#moonlight lovers headcanons#moonlight lovers#moonlight lovers fanfiction#ml ivan#ml vladimir#ml aaron#ml ethan#ml raphael#ml beliath#swfbunny
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Challenge 80
Thank you for voting @thespianbooks!! Since so much is happening in the world out there, I promise that absolutely nothing happens in this challenge! It’s just Maxerica and brand new baby Addy hanging out together, about a week before the beginning of the Postscript.
“Then you twist it under.”
“Twist under…” Maxon’s tongue poked out of his lips as he focused hard. “Like that?”
“Yes.” America smiled over at him. She was feeding Addy, now a full four days old, from a bottle that she’d pumped earlier in the afternoon.
“And so then this part… it goes like that?”
“Tuck it under the middle part.” America corrected him.
“Blast.” Maxon had taken to using pseudo-swears in front of the baby so she wouldn’t ‘learn any bad habits from him’. It always made America giggle. “I can’t understand how you do this so quickly. You hands are a blur!” Maxon complained.
He’d caught America braiding her hair into pigtails to keep it out of her face, and more importantly out of baby Addy’s face, during their frequent feeding times together. It was a skill Maxon had never needed to acquire before, but now that he had a daughter, Maxon wanted to learn to braid so that he could fix her hair when she had enough of it to braid.
“I was slow at first, too!” America promised. “Kenna taught me to braid when I was six. Give your hands time to learn how to do it and eventually you’ll be able to braid anything you want without giving it a second thought.”
Maxon considered the three ribbons laid out before him as though studying a recovered text from a long-dead language. “Hmm…”
Baby Addy finished her bottle and gurgled contentedly.
“Here. Why don’t you take a break and burp the little dairy princess?” America offered.
Maxon’s face burst into an enormous grin as he pulled the baby, dressed in her cutest, softest little onesie, from America’s arms and onto his chest. He let her rest her little head on his shoulder while he looked around for a baby towel. He found one strung on a chair nearby and leaned way over to grab it without having to get up, then he repositioned the baby so that she was on the towel just in case she spat up any milk when she burped.
Then he started firmly patting her back.
Free from her bundle of joy, America stood and stretched, rubbing a hand over her soft belly out of habit. It looked like one of Gerad’s deflated soccer balls now, but it was still big enough that Astra occasionally asked America to please double-check that there weren’t any more babies inside.
America looked around the room at the unbelievable mess that had taken over the family room. Maxon had asked the maids to only come when they were summoned instead of doing their usual daily cleaning rounds. It meant the new little royal family had lots of time to themselves, but the result was that a tornado of baby clothes, towels, bags of unused diapers, bottle cleaners, breast pumps, and soft toys had wrecked their once tidy home. And America knew, without a doubt, that this was what heaven looked like.
Even though the baby wasn’t even a week old, and she definitely couldn’t respond socially to anything America or Maxon did to her, she already seemed to have such a personality. She grunted and cooed and waved her little fists in the air, and made perfect eye contact with whoever was feeding her. America could swim in those grey eyes forever.
“Hungry, Maxon?” America asked, snapping out of her dazed thoughts about her daughter when her stomach growled.
“Sure, I could eat. Would you call down to the kitchens?”
“Way ahead of you.” America was already halfway to the telephone in Maxon’s bedroom. The Palace chef had been feeding the two of them very well since the Addy had been born. They always ate well, so maybe she was reading too much into it, but America felt spoiled by the Palace staff who were all so excited to have a brand new royal baby in residence.
“What do you think we shall feast on tonight, little girl?” Maxon asked the princess on his chest. “Perhaps something warm and cozy, like soup?”
Baby Addy burped and Maxon grinned, “Of course, your order is for milk, milk, and more milk. Don’t worry my little love, we’ve got you covered.”
“We?” America asked, listening to the telephone ring. “Don’t overpromise, Maxon, I can only make so much milk at a time.”
Maxon hid Addy’s little ears so she wouldn’t overhear America’s words and become afraid that there might be a milk famine.
That was one thing America wasn’t struggling with, much to her relief. She’d heard horror stories from women at her clinics that sometimes milk was slow to come, or when it finally did, their babies wouldn’t latch on and drink it. Each clinic’s formula cupboards, which were kept stocked for those women, literally saved the lives of their babies. But Addy and America were off to a great start, milk-wise, and America was endlessly grateful for their luck.
After alerting the kitchens that the King and Queen were ready for dinner, America rejoined her husband on the sofa and ran a hand through his golden hair, dragging her fingernails along his scalp. “Is she ready for a nap?”
“Hmm…” Maxon lowered the baby from his shoulder, now that she was done burping, and examined her little face. Wide, grey eyes blinked up at him. “I think she just wants to be held for a little bit.”
“Oh goodness, if only she had someone who wanted to hold her.” America smirked sarcastically. She and Maxon had a large rotation of baby-holders who would come take care of the baby for five or six hours at a time to allow America plenty of time to rest while she recovered from giving birth, and Maxon plenty of time to rest from taking care of his recovering wife and infant daughter.
Magda was always first, claiming her right as Gramma, and then May would show up next. They also had the help of Kenna as Addy’s official royal nanny, though she wouldn’t become a full-time employee of the Palace until America was back at work. Mary and Paige each spent chunks of their free time in the evenings or hours of their weekends doting on the new baby, refusing to accept payment for their time even though their presence meant America and Maxon got an extra nap. All in all, America felt incredibly loved and supported, and her thoughts often turned to the women in Illéa who did this without the help of husbands or family or chefs or maids. She’d do it for Addy, there was no question, but America couldn’t even properly imagine how hard it would be.
“Here, I need to keep practicing.” Maxon returned their soft, chubby little angel to America so that he could return to braiding the ribbons. America peppered Addy’s belly with kisses and was rewarded with a squirm: their new baby girl was ticklish.
America leant her head on Maxon’s shoulder, peering lazily down at his work, holding Addy securely across her lap.
It was not possible for life to get any better than this.
After dinner that night, America was feeling energetic enough to wrap everyone up in warm clothes and take a stroll through the gardens. Maxon held baby Addy, swaddled in a tremendously fluffy blanket, all the way down stairs with one of his hands firmly gripping the railing just in case. America was glad to know that he had somewhere else to put his worry now, and she tiptoed behind them with both hands stuffed into her coat pocket, living life dangerously and thrilled at not getting caught by her husband.
They kept a stroller by the door for their many garden walks. It was the only place they’d gone since entering their suite after introducing Addy to the Kingdom a few days before. Now, on a dark, wintery December night, everything in the gardens was beautiful. Only the winter flowers were in bloom, but somehow the earth still smelled rich and alive.
“Addy’s going to be so surprised when spring comes.” America smiled.
Maxon paused pushing Addy in her stroller to kiss America on the lips and then said, “She won’t know what’s hit her. The flowers blooming. The bees buzzing.”
“And this summer, when we start taking her to the swimming pool…” America grinned.
“Oh my goodness, I can’t wait to see her first swimming suit. Astra’s have these cute little skirts attached. Will hers have a little skirt?” Maxon asked eagerly.
“Yes, absolutely.”
Maxon chuckled, “I always thought my life was going to be spent in war rooms, making tough decisions about troop movements and scarce resources. Now all I’m doing is imagining baby clothes and learning to braid.”
“Mmm.” America smiled happily down at their little bird, now snoozing peacefully on her ride. “Let’s never, ever go back to work.”
“Oh? You think we can just barricade ourselves in the Palace forever?”
“Yes.”
“And what happens when the people choose a new royal family?”
“They can take the second floor.”
“And when the chefs refuse to feed us any longer because we’re no longer King and Queen?”
America made an overly dramatic shocked face at Maxon, “They would never do such a thing. They love Addy and me too much.”
“Perhaps you’re right.” Maxon allowed with a grin. “In that case, we must start our lives as ordinary citizens at once.”
“Ordinary citizens claiming squatter’s rights in a palace.” America corrected him.
“Yes, of course.” he agreed. “What’s the first item on your agenda, non-queen America?”
“As Squatter Mer, I declare that we must choose a normal name for Adrienne, something distinct and ordinary.”
“Well, as Squatter Max, I must voice my concerns.”
“Oh?”
“I believe she will have to choose her normal name for herself, just as we chose our names when we started playing castaways.” Maxon reminded America.
“But it will be years before she can name herself. What can we call our Squatter Daughter in the mean time?”
“Squatter Daughter. That’s her name.” he declared.
“Oh no. Adrienne, I am so sorry for your terrible play name my love.” America giggled down at her sleeping baby.
Addy was a good sport, though. She played along and let them call her “Squatter Daughter” until the air grew too chilly on her nose and she cried out in complaint. The game ended and the royal family returned to their suite for the night.
Maxon and America made a nest of blankets in Maxon’s bed and relaxed there while Addy rested cozily in a bassinet within reach. When America fell asleep that night, she was curled up on her husband’s chest listening to it vibrate as he hummed a lullaby for their baby. When Maxon woke up a few hours later to Addy’s hungry crying, he drifted back off listening to America hum songs while she fed the baby. Just like that, Maxon and America took turns singing each other to sleep all night.
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(long post, but I’m gonna try and make journalling a thing in 2021 😆)
The first day of the new year was nice. :) I woke up to the sounds of rain crashing against my windowsills - a strangely chilly morning in this tropical country where it’s summer all year round. For a moment it felt like I was back in Canada again, all cloudy grey skies and whimsical rain - the perfect weather for introspection.
I started my day with a pot of hot green tea, then settled down by my reading lamp to finish a book that I’ve been putting off for far too long - Steinbeck’s East of Eden. I only had about forty pages left, but somehow couldn’t bring myself to finish it. I hate when books end because it feels like that little world I’ve created and compartmentalised in my head has likewise ceased, but the good thing about books is that you can always re-read them and immerse yourself in the same fantasy. (Maybe even a different one, if the same words lend themselves to a different interpretation!) But it truly was an absolute masterpiece: such a stunning, intricate exploration of humanity that tugged at my heartstrings and led me into still waters of reflection. I know that I will definitely carry this tale in my heart for a long, long time to come.
Afterwards, I had some instant ramen while watching The Queen’s Gambit. I’m not a big fan of watching shows usually because I often feel like they move too slowly or tend to miss details from the book, but this one is pretty exceptional. Like, the acting and the artistic direction are incredible - the constant juxtaposition between Beth’s traumatic past and her glorified present, and the exploration of the fallibility of genius were executed so brilliantly. Another thing that really stood out to me were the scenes where she’d hole herself in the toilet and rebuke herself aloud for weaknesses in her play and/or being weak, in general. I cannot begin to explain how many times I’ve done that to myself in law school for even the most trivial of infractions, the most minor of errors - Lord knows I’m my harshest critic.
I promised to try, however, to be a little bit kinder to myself in 2021. My perfectionism tends to be a bar to goodness and growth because sometimes I get so afraid that my subconscious keeps demanding that my first draft has to be perfect. But it really doesn’t. That’s what editing is for. And writing, like any other talents and passions, requires nurturing and constant practice. I saw a quote yesterday about how we cannot just sit around and magically expect to be Faulkners overnight, and that is so true. I definitely need to find a sweet spot where I’m not berating myself to the point of giving up, but still demand growth so that I can keep bettering myself.
In the evening I headed out to a friend’s for tacos, which were an absolute delight in itself. And then my bf and I got to walk his dog, who I am convinced is the most precious thing in the entire universe - maybe even more so than my bf himself (I kid... or maybe not) - and who is just such a gentle-natured darling. It began to drizzle, so she led us home and we spent the rest of the night playing Sherlock and Among Us with the rest. :) It was a very peaceful evening. For a moment I’d forgotten all about the fact that I start work next Monday and was simply content to bask in the Christmas lights, the heavy downpour and the anomalous chill that came along with it. Just... living in the present, enjoying the moment.
Now that’s definitely something else on my to-do list for 2020 as well. So often the beauty of the present tends to be marred by my worries and anxieties of the future, but I always remind myself of this quote from Scripture: “Which one of you, by worrying, can add another day to his life?” And when I look back at my life and all the times I’ve worried and fretted and cried, feeling like there was no way for us to extricate ourselves from this rut, this perennial cycle of debt and other things that have plagued me from birth, I am also reminded of God’s grace and providence that has brought me through so, so much. It would’ve been impossible to have done all of this by myself; I frankly might not have had the will to continue living if not for those things.
Talking about my lived experiences also ties in to the last part of my day - where I thought about how exclusive and inaccessible the poetry scene here feels. You would think otherwise, in a country of no more than 5-6 million folks, but no. I was ranting about this a little to my boyfriend: how it feels like a lot of the spaces within are reserved for the elites of society with silver spoons in their mouths and golden plates on their tables offering them anything they wanted while I was struggling to put food on the table at fourteen. Sometimes I also lament the fact that I didn’t have my parents to tell me bedtime stories, to encourage me to read and cultivate my vocabulary. Perhaps it’s jealousy, or inferiority, or a mix of both.
But my boyfriend, ever wise and supportive, offered me a different perspective. He made a fair point about how I still fell in love with books and writing regardless, and how literature is oftentimes only a harbour that the privileged visit because the marginalised, the poor are too busy working for basic necessities to even think about such things. To the ordinary blue-collar layperson, poetry is just frankly a frivolous sentiment that won’t turn itself into gold. I agree with this wholeheartedly. It’s one of the reasons why I always felt like I didn’t have time to write, and one of the reasons why my first job was at a library (so I could read as much as I wanted! For free!). Then he said, “But see, no one wants to read about the rich waxing poetic about how lovely and grand their sunny little island is. But people will want to read about your perspective - your poems of the brokenhearted clinging on desperately to their inner child, your poems about the poor working to make ends’ meet, your poems about your tangible struggles - all of those will resonate with the masses, for sure.” And I was like, well, that’s fair. But I certainly don’t express myself as eloquently as these people do. Next to them I’m like an uncultured swine who can’t even tell the difference between all the different forks splayed on the table.
His response was that people need to understand these things before appreciating them, and sometimes simplicity works best - a lesson that’s been drilled into us from the very inception of law school. And I was like, okay, fair, but deep down my heart was exploding with the sheer warmth of having someone so incredibly supportive of everything I do, even if it’s worthless in society’s eyes. I remember one night when I was telling him about how, as a twelve-year-old, I had a dream to one day study Literature at Yale. I would hole myself up in the library after school, feverishly flipping through books to expand my imaginations and horizons, my mental dictionary of words, dreaming about the day where I could escape all of this and dwell in nothing but imaginative worlds one day. Where reality failed me, I knew that I could always count on my imagination to transport me to somewhere safe and special, filled with joy and sorrow and tragedy and hope.
I ended up studying law. Not a bad thing, because as stressful as it was I really did enjoy the things I’ve learnt - international and constitutional law, especially - and it has certainly given me new, mature perspectives on so many things; taught me to argue with reason and objectivity instead of just emotion and passion and has led me to meet so many wonderful (also trashy, but I’m out of this hellhole) people. I just don’t like the fact that 80-hour work weeks are the norm and that there’s always so much to... read. If you gave me a piece of fiction I could happily indulge in it for hours, but sometimes judgments can be so ridiculously mundane to read, especially if they’re just itemising every single case on illegality from the 19th century. Lord knows I need at least two cups of coffee for that. Black, to be specific.
Anyway, I digress (as I always do lmao). My bf ended up researching all night until he stumbled across this Literature programme at Harvard - which frankly sounds amazing, but also unattainable. Which was what I said. And he was like, “Do I think it’s impossible? No. I think you have a very compelling life story, and you’re full of amazing stories within you to tell. And if you want to do it, I will support you wholeheartedly.”
Again, as is usually the case, I had nothing left to offer apart from muted sobs under my blanket. It still sounds absurd to me - unthinkable, even - but I am just so, so grateful to have someone like him support me through everything. Literally everything. This is the man who has spent hours tutoring me in the subjects that I was hopeless in in first year, because I was too busy tutoring random folks in economics and geography and catching up on sleep (in class, no less), who has patiently helped me prepare for every single mooting competition and watched every single one of them, who has seen me cry and admonish myself for being a failure (only to spend hours trying to convince me otherwise), who has celebrated every single one of my victories and losses - you deserve a treat, anyway! Let’s go eat something nice and put it behind us, for now! This is the same man who has so much passion for what he does, who is so darn good at it without even realising that he is (I wept when he won a mooting competition this year because I was so proud of and happy for him), and who inspires confidence and compassion in me every day.
I am grateful to share all our triumphs and tribulations together, and I look forward to starting a new chapter in life with you. :)
#this was a very long shitpost but if u made it to the end kudos to u!!! HAHAHAHA#also a rainy morning again so I am in the mood to ramble oops :')#might have spiralled outta control hehe#sorry to any1 who follows me for fma content LMAO#haven't been posting much fma content but I promise there is smt coming this weekend#maybe a new update of memento amare...#me being all dramatic: IT IS FINISHED *presses enter key with a flourish*
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100 DAYS OF SUNLIGHT BY ABBIE EMMONS REVIEW
As a disclaimer I want to say that I found the Youtube channel of Abbie Emmons by one of her ‘write with me’ videos. Following that I watched some of her WritersLifeWednesdays vlogs and thought, this woman has tremendous passion and work put into her craft. She actually gives valuable advice, and the themes of her videos are pretty good. So when I saw that she has a novel of her own published, I wanted to see how she incorporates the stuff she talks about into practical work. This is how I started reading her debut novel: 100 Days of Sunlight.
I was curious, okay?
But oh man, what is this?
This book… I’m sorry it’s just so bad. The mess of glaring problems, plotholes, the …characterisation. Abbie Emmons says every good story is character driven (which I wholeheartedly stand by if it is executed well!!!) but what should I get from this, honestly?
There are too many things screaming PROBLEMATIC here.
But let’s start at the beginning.
The exposition––the first chapter’s building don’t make no sense. It has a twist in it alright, but why start with something that turns out to be a dream (or a scrap of a memory in this case) of the actual past, only to get dumped with everything else that also happened following that scene? All of this is told from the protagonist’s reminiscing of said happening.
- To be clear the book starts with the scene of an accident–the accident in which the protagonist, Tessa loses her sight. A drunk driver with a pickup truck runs the red light crashing into the car Tessa and her grandmother are in. Soon it turns out that’s only a recurring nightmare and she’s been home for one or two weeks (maybe? I don’t remember precisely). By this time she has already lost her sight. Tessa runs the audience over all that happened after the accident (basically in those weeks she got discharged from the hospital etc. etc.) Now my question is why not start the book from the accident itself? It all gets narrated either way.
The next problem is the way first Tessa’s grandparents, and then the WHOLE BOOK just downplays consent. Why? Why would you do that?
- Tessa’s grandparents “know better what’s good for her than she does”–that’s an actual quote from the novel btw. Nothing glaringly alerting in that, I mean adults often have this way of thinking about children. Until… they try to arrange a stranger to help Tessa with transcribing her work. Tessa is a poet with a blog where she posts her work on schedule. Ever since the accident, she doesn’t feel like writing (or blogging for that matter). She’s shut herself off from the virtual world, doesn’t touch her laptop, nor speaks with her internet friends. (Because ofc she’s homeschooled, doesn’t like to go out at all and only has internet friends in the first place.) She’s in her room for most of the day, cries a lot and tries to cope. Whether her coping is good or bad I’m not qualified to say, but she thinks of herself as selfish, lazy, cynical, and depressed most of the time––everything she never wanted to be, things hates with every fibre of her being. She blames herself and basically detests life for beating her down to the ground. She feels she can’t get up even though she’s told, her blindness is a condition that can go away in ninety-something days’ time. I think feeling these emotions are pretty reasonable for a teenager. It’s been like three weeks since the accident, and her newfound blind perspective of life. That can’t be easy. BUT her grandparents know this isn’t healthy, Tessa needs to write. “I haven’t written one verse, one line, one word of poetry. I have no desire to. I have no inspiration, no joy. It’s all gone.” - Tessa from ch.1 So what do Granny and Gramps do following their infinite wisdom? Play the girl. And I’m like, sure dude, harass the child into doing what you want. Sure, don’t try to get her professional help or a psychotherapeutist or something if you think she’s faring so terribly. Sure, run an ad for hiring some part timer to transcribe for the poet who doesn’t want to write anymore. Sure, do it all behind her back. I mean she has PTSD and is blind for now, but yeah, this will most definitely help. Good job! For goodness’ sake they treat the girl like she’s been locked inside her room for months?!
When they share this brilliant plan with Tessa, she freaks out so much the elderly retract the ad. But not before the son of the newspaper’s owner gets a scrap of this new, possible past time activity and decides to be a creep and essentially stalk Tessa. But that’s for later.
Tessa explicitly tells her grandparents she doesn’t want to meet new people, doesn’t want to write, what she needs is time. So the next thing Granny does is pushes an unknown, teenage boy into her blind granddaughter’s room for a chat. Against Tessa’s repeated objections! There’s so much nonsense going on in the sequence of the story. Like one day there comes a boy–a stranger, knocking on the door, saying he’s this and this’ son and wants to help. And because, at a glance, he has prosthetic legs, you invite him first into the house then into your blind teenage granddaughter’s room? Without actually knowing if he is who he says he is? Without knowing the first thing about him? But even if that part is true, and he is who he says–the son of the newspaper’s owner, let’s not forget the mildly stalkerish way the guy’s been acting.
Granny shares a shit load about Tessa’s problems, then flat out tells her to meet Weston. “I told you I don’t want help. And I certainly don’t want anyone touching my laptop. I don’t want to write. I don’t want some stranger coming into my house and feeling sorry for me!” That’s Tessa speaking with Granny prior to the meeting. I mean it’s no biggie if she’s against the whole idea because he could help, right? Is this the American way of handling things? Someone give me a spoon that I can boink myself in the head with to get around this type of mentality.
At the first meeting Tessa has meltdown, screams at Weston and cries. Tells him she doesn’t need help. Tells him not to bother. Tells him she wants him OUT OF HER ROOM. Weston leaves before telling her he’ll be back the next day. And Granny and everyone else is fine with that. So in the following days the nuisance has the audacity to come over, small-talk the grandparents into loving him because he’s so charming everyone is in love with him a little. (That’s another thing from the book, I shit you not, the dude straight up thinks things like this. Yes, I know it’s self-deceit.) Weston forcibly takes over Tessa’s room which is basically the last place she feels comfortable at? Never mind, now someone’s popping in randomly when they think it’s cool, telling her what to do––“I know you don’t need me. But you need to write.” Bitch I think you need to fuck off from people’s lives who don’t want you in it. Just an advice.
One time Tessa wakes up to Weston barging into her room (“...he walks into my room without knocking, at 9.00 a.m., when I’m still in my pajamas”). Granny’s off to do her things leaving the boy to stay and make himself at home. Huh, quite reasonable.
Weston forces Tessa to accept there’s no fleeing this situation––one, the three of them (him and the oldies) constructed for her. Because it’s helping.
That’s basically the question of: where’s the line between wanting to help someone and pushing them even deeper when they’re already at a bad place. But since this is a YA romance everything is nice and good and sorted at the end so Tessa can thank her loving family for forcing their volition on her.
- Here’s another lovely example of consent portrayed in the novel: “I told you I don’t want to go outside.” Weston laughs. “You also told me to get out of your house and never come back.” “And you directly disobeyed my wishes.” “And you’ve been enjoying it...” Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing what’s wrong with this whole dialogue. It’s so disappointing and frankly, discouraging, to see an attitude like this written by a woman, targeted at a young, female audience.
- Oh, there’s their first kiss as well. It’s really really romantic. Weston asks for permission then doesn’t wait for the answer! “I’m gonna kiss you. Is that okay?” It’s not fair, because I don’t give her any time to reply. Instead, I press my lips against hers. Without permission.” ...So why did he even bother to ask? To seem nice? Well, as the saying goes it’s the thought that counts… So is this how consent works? NO! But consent never stood a chance in this book at the first place.
Next up; Characters.
*not @me side-eyeing Abbie’s video about how to craft a strong female protagonist* - I’m not gonna say a lot about Tessa. For me she falls flat like a cut-out. She’s paper thin, and dumb, although she’s the novel’s protagonist. Funny though, I feel she has less to give to the story than Weston, and it’s not just the length of their respective chapters. There’s like 600-700 words from Tessa’s POV (mainly about Weston 80% of the times), then we get a 4k word count chapter from Weston (mainly about his own journey and overcoming his struggles). Tessa’s chapters are either shallow or about her time spent with Weston. Opposed to this Weston has a full arc of him getting over the loss of his legs and standing up from it (quite literally). See what I’m talking about? All I get from Tessa before the accident is that she’s a writer, homeschooled, likes her colour coordinated books, and waffles (like Abbie ha!) (*whispers* and she wears her hair in a messy bun, ofc she does). Oh and she can’t live without WiFi. All I get after the accident is that she’s hurting, angry and blind. And now she has Weston. So her backstory is…..?
- Weston. Oh man where to start. Now he has a backstory. From it we can conclude how idiotic he is. That’s not recklessness or being a teenage boy. I’m sorry but his behaviour is simply idiotic. Sometimes he’s really grown up (taking care of his baby brothers and all) other times he has like 1 (one) braincell operating in his head. Bearing weeks of pain, and not saying anything about it to anyone because that’s not superhero like? WHAT??? He experienced, at the least, three weeks of torturous pain and several days of fever and dizziness, popping Advil like it’s candy. Still, the only one who realised this is his best friend at school and his 10 year old brother who was at the scene of Weston injuring his legs in the first place. What about the parents one might ask. Well Idk. Obviously a 13 year old is so good at deception and sneaking around that adults can’t catch on! On this note I want to gift Parents of the Year Award to Mamma and Pappa Ludovico. With parental supervision like that I’m baffled the child lived up to the age 13.
Weston is the nightmare male lead people usually salivate after in k-dramas stuffed into the body of a 16 year old American boy. Now I’ve never understood those people and their preferences of the bratty, entitled, but oh-so-handsome males and I still don’t understand to this day. Where’s the appeal? Don’t ask me.
I’ll just put down some quotes: “It’s the first time in three years anyone has ever met me without that look of pity on their face. The first time anyone has ever looked at me and not seen me. The first time anyone has stood before me—with perfectly normal legs—and complained about their own problem. The feeling is exhilarating.” So basically this is the so called ‘No one has ever treated me like this. Except this girl, my God, she’s intriguing’. Weston enjoys Tessa’s rude behaviour. “So she’s stubborn. She’s rude. She’s a spitfire wallflower who lost her sight and now hates anyone who tries to help her. Game on.” ...Are you five? “Tessa is the only Dickinson who doesn’t like me.” I have no idea why that could be. But, listen, listen: “I turn around in the desk chair, throwing her a hard look over my shoulder. She’s still sitting rigid and stoic on her bed, staring at nothing. She’s actually really pretty. Her eyes are bluer than mine—the enhanced kind of blue you see in contact lens commercials. She has freckles, too. Just a few, thrown across her nose and cheeks. Her hair is braided today, less messy. She looks so serious. I liked it better when she was screaming and crying.” Idk somehow this sounds like every badly composed romance I’ve ever seen. Let’s just say the progression of the relationship between Weston and Tessa infuriated me 90% of the story. You can help others without being an ass. You can also help others without being a horrible love interest, but that’s for another day. YA contemporaries don’t work like that.
Oh Weston, what a knight in shining armour. Three years prior, he had this thing with Clara Hernandez–a girl from school. It wasn’t real dating but they spent some time together (he walked her to class ooooh~~~) so she became “at the time, my unofficial girlfriend”. Things change after Weston’s accident, of course. He tells her he doesn’t want to continue their ambiguous relationship. And that’s alright, it’s his choice, BUT he then kind of passes the girl to his best friend, so she won’t annoy him anymore? The way he narrates the whole thing is...ugh. “But she wasn’t even dumping me, and we weren’t even dating. We were thirteen years old, for crying out loud.” See, this is Weston thinking about what happened. And this is him telling Rudy about it: “What were you talking to Clara about?” he (Rudy) asked. “I dumped her.” Following in another chapter they talk about how now that the coast is clear––Weston and Clara are through, Rudy should hit on Clara: “He wanted to resist the whole thing and deny his obvious crush on Clara Hernandez. But he couldn’t do anything except laugh and shake his head. He knew I was the best friend he could ever ask for.” Such a kind and caring person for handing out the girl he doesn’t really want to his best friend. Give him a medal for that one. Idk this whole business irked me to no end, like Clara was his possession or something. (Yeah, and the poor girl eventually ended up with Rudy, not like she had any other choice…)
- Downplaying female friendship. Yeah, that one happens as well. When Tessa talks with her friends (her blogging circle) the only thing we as readers can glimpse about their conversation is “Tell us more about the boy,” like... really? Because once again that’s the only thing a group of friends can talk about when one of them suffers an accident resulting in trauma. And Tessa’s answer? “At first, I didn’t like him. I thought he didn’t understand anything about me—even though he acted like he did. And I’m not sure that he understands much, even now. But he’s kind. And patient. And he kept coming back to type poetry for me, so I’ve kind of been forced to make friends with him.” The reply of her friends… “Aw ... He sounds really cute.” Yeah, really cute, forcing you to be friends with him. “How can you not be in love with a boy who makes you waffles?” Well, friend no.5, it’s not that hard… But there’s more. After Tessa gets her sight back the only thing we get from this supporting bubble of warm friends is as follows: “LIV: TESSA HOW ARE YOU FEELING ME: a lot better actually ME: my headache FINALLY went away MARIA: yayy!! ALLISON: PRAISE THE LORD ME: yeah fr KATE: So glad to hear you’re doing better, Tessa! It must be quite a transition omg… GRACIE: I can’t even imagine ME: it’s been pretty crazy ME: but good ME: I guess ME: ugh idk mixed emotions LIV: ???? LIV: TELL US EVERYTHING LIV: if u want to lol ME: ahhh well ME: Weston is kind of not talking to me anymore,” That is it my friends. Two to three sentences about her condition and it’s time to talk about the boy. Is this really how shallow anyone would want to describe the protagonist and her close-knit group of friends talking for the first time after one of them lost their sight? Then again, talking for the first time after she got her sight back? I’m disappointed to say the least.
- I didn’t care for any other character enough to jot down my observations. They were bland, they were there to help the main couple, nothing more, nothing less. Weston’s kid brothers were cute and Rudy seemed like a normal, sane character (I applaud him for that). All I can say is the families in this novel are something else.
The romance.
Okay, let me state before anything else: I like romance if there’s balance. I like romance when the people involved are equals. I believe a relationship, and a good one at that, should have cornerstones. One of them has to be that equality. It also doesn’t hurt if none of the involved parties are assholes. The romance can be of any trope as long as the happy ending is tied to said relationship being healthy. And I don’t mean sorely the end product; the way that relationship is constructed step by step should resemble these things. If not, at least call them out for it. I’m not the advocate of perfect characters or relationships (any kind, not just romance) because that would be really unrealistic. It can be bad, yeah, it can be toxic, or a little messed up in the middle. But for crying out loud reflect that in the storytelling! Do it especially if the story is planned for a younger audience! Now let me make another statement: What I don’t like is that in mostly American YA het-romances there are rarely any of these things.
- This one here is probably supposed to be the writer’s well liked trope of hate-to-love romance, but I feel the concept of kindergarteners is more fitting. The boy forces, the girl yields. But it’s okay because he likes her and wants to help.
There are some cases of harassment sprinkled in, as in one party objecting the other’s closeness or presence and the latter not giving a damn about this. Real respectful; but, hey, that’s part of consent too so I guess it simply flew over our heads in this particular story. A fresh and original concept on romance, wholesome and healthy. And the thing is, Weston actually knows these things. He literally says so in the book, “...until I intruded on Tessa’s life, however it happened.”
And of course Tessa is more pure than fresh snow on white lillies; she’s basically a lotus. Weston is the first boy stepping into her room. Give me a second to freak out about that. It’s so exciting! (Mostly by knowing the circumstances in which he did that.)
The other thing that annoyed me was Weston’s entitlement and holier-than-thou attitude. He knows everything better than Tessa. He knows Tessa better than she herself does WHEN HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT HER. That’s the moral of the story. No, but I’m not kidding, some of his thoughts set me on fire. “She wrote about sunlight and oceans and falling in love, when I’m pretty sure she has no idea what it feels like to fall in love.” I’m sorry, but do you know Tessa? (besides stalking her via the grandparents)???? The audacity, I’m cackling.
- Can someone tell me why Tessa speaks with Weston if she doesn’t want to? I mean besides that this way the story can go on. She actually starts their conversation on the second day. Me, personally, don’t talk to people whose presence I can barely tolerate. How silly, I know.
- Weston annoys the shit put of Tessa for like five minutes but he talks to her, (for his own selfish reasons may I add––Weston, honey, if you want people not to pity you try helping blind little kids who actually want your help) and brings her flowers, and chocolate so I guess it’s reasonable that approximately four days later Tessa’s attitude shifts to comparing him to sunlight. “Weston is everything And all at once. Weston is gentle And harsh. Weston can be blindingly bright But then he can also be Delicately soft. Weston is a paradox.” – Oof girl.
- Let me tell you kids just because someone annoys or teases you and you tolerate it––that’s not the get-go to life changing love. Even though he’s the first real life boy whom you’ve ever spent casual time with. But he’s the first boy who ever showed you real attention, you say. Well then, that’s a grace girls have to accept. Or so this book and so many others try to make us believe. The sad thing is, there actually could’ve been a conflict––if one wants to write about opposites attracting each other so much––without making the story so cliched and weak.
Plot-holes.
- Maybe it’s nitpicking for some, BUT… why was Weston in his dad’s office in the first place? I never got around to the reason of that. He loiters around there once a week, that’s what the book states. Well, okay, he is there inspecting the motivational quotes collection on the wall while his father just works away. And am I supposed to believe the man is all cool with this? What is Weston doing there? For what reason? The answer is easy: he simply had to hear the phone call of Tessa’s grandfather retracting the ad.
- Now why does his father–the owner of the newspaper–accept calls regarding ads in the first place? Is this really how things work? Other employees do nothing? I’ve worked at a small printing company in the past. The management only accepted calls regarding ads if there wasn’t a single soul anywhere near the perimeter of the office. There’s a department for jobs like this. Bosses don’t qualify.
- About the already mentioned beautiful first meeting, where sparks fly, and the lovely couple can roll off a great start... If Tessa didn’t want to meet anyone why didn’t she lock her door? That’s a pretty easy task. At first I thought maybe there’s no lock on the door. But wait; after the disastrous meeting she locks herself away. “The door is locked, and Grandma has stopped trying to open it.” Sooo there was a lock after all…...okay…….
- Why is almost everyone in this book freckled with blonde hair and blue eyes? Okay, this really is just nitpicking, but like, is there some symbolism in that? *bounces eyebrows* Ehem, if you know what I mean.
- I’m not sure if this is an actual plot-hole but I was really surprised by the lack of anxiety Weston’s approach triggered in Tessa. Essentially, Weston is a stranger at the start of the book, with whom she gets locked into a room, without anyone else in there, when she’s still adjusting to the fact she can’t see. I especially looked out for it; Weston closes her door every time he’s over at their house to speak with her. I mean the first time she’s angry; but what about later? She doesn’t even seem nervous or affected by this at a time when her blindness is still fresh. Yet, when they go to Barnes & Noble, a public space with people around, Tessa is anxious the minute Weston leaves for a bathroom break. Like okay, some strange dude tries to pick her up and she’s rightfully terrified, but all she has to do is call out. Now both of these scenes are pressuring and scary, but where’s the difference? Tessa is nervous when the stranger approaches her in the book store, a big and open space with people around even before said stranger tries to initiate skinship. She tells him to leave her alone. But she did just that when Weston first went to see her. And Weston didn’t give a shit about it, much like the high schooler at the book store. And I’m supposed to believe with Weston she wasn’t apprehensive at all? Of course she wasn’t… he’s the love interest.
The whole book store scene makes me so uncomfortable and NOT because of what you’d think. It’s simply distasteful to create a scenario like that only to draw it back to… yes, you guessed it, Weston. He’s the saviour sweeping Tessa off her feet with “Get your hands off my girl” and chasing away that jerk. Why is it that still, in the year of *looks at smudged handwriting on hand* sometime past the 1890s there’s the need to use The Jerk™ hitting on the girl and The Nice Guy™ saving her by making her seem like his property? Oh did I forgot to mention the jerk smelled like cigarettes, and his pants were falling off his ass. I’m surprised he wasn’t wearing a leather jacket or had piercings just to fit the look to a T. That usage of my girl ...ugrghgh I can already feel white hairs sprouting from this. Look, I’m not against the idea of belonging to your beloved. If you want to say it, cool, do it. But when it’s not consensual, and you’re not a couple who already expressed to one another the wish to be viewed that way maybe DON’T FUCKING USE IT. Not to one up another guy trying scare the baddie away. Man, don’t do that. *channelling my inner LE to rap the last line really loud* What’s even better than this? Tessa’s reaction: “Despite the gravity of the situation, I can’t help but smile and get butterflies all over again.” REALLY???? Please donate braincells to this girl. She really needs it.
The dynamic of relationships.
- This is mind bogging for me. Almost all relations (excluding the most fundamental ones) serve a sole reason: cheer on and make the main couple happen. This book is promoted as a love story, one, not limited to romance. It’s a love story of family bonds, love between brothers, and grandparents, and friends. And that’s true for Weston… but for Tessa??? I don’t think so. But maybe that stems from how underdeveloped Tessa’s character is.
- The main couple’s dynamic is so stilted. Weston basically caused the state he is in, Tessa suffered an accident caused by outer circumstances. She’s the victim of a drunk driver, while quite frankly, Weston’s the victim of his own stupidity. And yet, since Weston decided to fight for himself he expects Tessa to do the same. Now that’s a nice thought, even if it’s about someone you barely know and met maybe two times in your life. Is that a reason to harass the other and tell them what to do, not taking no for an answer? I highly doubt it. Weston wanted to get better so he pressed himself, but he made that choice himself. It’s beautifully written down not once, not twice, but multiple times; how hard it was for him to choose between 1, the easy way––the flat grounded desert and 2, the hard scaling and rocky mountain range. He chose the mountain range and that’s admirable. What’s not admirable is, that from what I get from this book, Tessa never had the luxury of a choice. Because other’s never gave her time or let her decide for herself. Tessa says Weston is stubborn and obnoxiously optimistic. I think he’s just obnoxious, period.
- At the end of the book Tessa narrates how ashamed she feels and how her heart is breaking “Because of what Life has done to Weston.” For one, is Life responsible for what happened to Weston? I’d liked to read about how Weston tells the story of losing his legs to Tessa with a straight face, because all thorough the book he never once did that. To anyone. If that happened, he ought to admit how incredibly stupid he had been. As well as the consequences of his own decisions, every time he went on without saying a word or asking for help. That stubbornness is his character trait. Yes, it is, but we never get to see how that affected his family, there wasn’t one paragraph about his parents talking about it with him.
- On this note why is Tessa always so ashamed, feeling like she’s the brute, saying sorry to everyone at every chance? It’s not like others apologised to her once. This character trait only perpetuates the notion how everything others impose on her is fair trade because they only want to help. And either way, she only feels apologetic about standing up for herself.
Mentions of notable things that annoyed me.
- The judgement if a girl need makeup or not, because *banging pots and pans* she’s beautiful no matter what in the boy’s eyes. And he tells her just that. “Are you wearing makeup?” I ask, without thinking. Tessa smiles just a little. “Yeah,” she says. “Grandma helped me with it. This feels like… a special occasion.” “You don’t need it, you know. You look beautiful without it. But you look beautiful with it, too. You always look beautiful. Even when you’re crying.” Tessa really needed to know your opinion about her wearing makeup Weston. Kudos for you for telling her she doesn’t need it because she looks beautiful without it, but it’s okay to wear it as she looks beautiful with it too. Great input man!
- At this point I’m not even surprised, but there really was the girl staring at something, asking if it’s pretty. (Okay, Tessa couldn’t stare but she was probably imagining––here it’s the sundown, bc of the whole sunlight theme). Then the boy answering, “Yeah, it’s pretty.” Not as pretty as you, he thinks while staring straight at her. Hello, is this a Disney production?
Conclusion.
All in all is this the worst book ever? No. Are there unforgivable problems with it? Not explicitly.
My biggest problem is what message it sends about relationship patterns, patterns I hate with a fiery passion. It’s the same old shit I grew up with, and it’s the same old shit that doesn’t seem to change after twenty years. Not even now when,––with the help of the era of internet––everyone is suddenly so woke. But are they, really? All I saw about this novel is the raving reviews praising it to heavens. And there are themes in it that deserve praise––the acceptance of one’s self, the loss, the forgiveness, the overcoming of hardships of life––but what about all that’s left? What about the execution?
Bottom line is, because this is a book, everything gets resolved and all is happy and fine at the end. However in real life, coercing others to do things against their will isn’t a glorious idea. Disregarding consent isn’t acceptable. Helping with the stubbornness of a mule isn’t really helping. And last but not least, perpetuating a mindset and a budding relationship like the one presented in this book––for a young audience shouldn’t be okay.
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REPENT, The End is Near!
By Lynda Janzen Published on: May 9, 2021
“Jesus said, ‘But unless you repent, you too will all perish'” (Luke 13:5, NIV).
“If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land” (2 Chronicles 7:14, NIV).
“Devote yourselves to prayer…” (Colossians 4:2). “Pray continually” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). “The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind that you may pray” (1 Peter 4:7).
A few years ago, I gave myself a nickname: Mrs. Jeremiah. It has nothing to do with Rev. Dr. David Jeremiah but everything to do with the Old Testament prophet. When the LORD led me to Bible Prophecy and opened my eyes to what was happening in the world, in light of both O.T. and N.T. prophecy, some of my messages, as Jeremiah’s, weren’t exactly comfortable for people, or for me either. Jeremiah wasn’t exactly popular in his day, and this message today probably won’t win me any popularity contests. But these messages open our eyes to see what is happening in the world so that we will not be caught in the darkness of ignorance of the signs of the times (1 Thess. 5:4).
In the Olivet Discourse (Matthew 24), Jesus prophesied that when the nation of Israel – the fig tree – would blossom once more, it would be a sign that the end was coming near (24:32). Israel roared back into existence on May 14, 1948 – 73 years ago. Psalm 90 tells us a human lifespan is about 70 years – 80 if we are blessed with stamina. Jesus said the generation that saw the re-budding of the ‘fig tree,’ or Israel, would witness all the prophecy of Matthew 24 (24:34). According to God’s Word, then, that would be us!
Let me just pause here to say, if you haven’t read Matthew 24, Mark 13, and Luke 21 lately, go immediately to a Bible near you and do so.
Earlier this week, I had a dream. “Oh boy!! An old woman dreaming dreams … here we go …” Please, just bear with me. Before dropping off to sleep, I had asked the LORD that, if it be His will, to send me a dream about the Rapture and to let me remember it. Well, He did send me a dream, and I remembered it in great detail. And although I’m not prepared to go into all the details of the dream at this time, let me say it sure shook me up and got me thinking about how very close we are to the end of the age. Not that I didn’t have an inkling about the imminence of the Rapture and tribulation before. But, in the vernacular – Hold onto your hats, folks!
The dream illustrated how our modern nations, especially the U.S., are barreling headlong toward destruction. Nations seem to follow, blindly, a minority of political influencers, while the majority sit back meekly doing nothing, saying nothing, or saying very little. We watch as all our time-honored institutions are crumbling before our eyes. Like deer caught in headlights, it is as though we are mesmerized by the audacity of those taking us increasingly to the left, politically. Young people, who aren’t being taught Judeo-Christian values, are screaming for change without understanding where those changes will lead.
And, of course, there are plenty of seasoned politicians who have been trying for years to pull us away from God and all things moral and life-giving, and who are ready to fuel the rebellion with money, encouragement and a platform.
While those of us who are Bible-literate understand what’s happening, there are many who do not.
They surely do not understand that it is all part of God’s Plan for the end of the age … and here’s the kicker … and you’re not going to like this … THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT ANYMORE! Oh, yes, you can pray … and, indeed, I urge you to pray with all your heart for the many who are not saved.
But Christians, please be ready. For the Church Age is coming rapidly to a close, and it is all happening in God’s Will, and God’s Timeline.
The hymn is: IF MY PEOPLE’S HEARTS ARE HUMBLED
1st Verse:
If My people’s hearts are humbled, If they pray and seek My face; If they turn away from evil, I will not withhold My grace. I will hear their prayers from heaven; I will pardon every sin. If My people’s hearts are humbled, I will surely heal their land.
2nd Verse:
Then My eyes will see their sorrow; Then My ears will hear their plea. If My people’s hearts are humbled I will set their nation free. If My people’s hearts are humbled, If they pray and seek My face; If they turn away from evil, I will not withhold My grace.
THE SCRIPTURE READING IS JEREMIAH 14:11-16
“Then the Lord said to me, ‘Do not pray for the well-being of this people. Although they fast, I will not listen to their cry; though they offer burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Instead, I will destroy them with the sword, famine and plague.’
“But I said, ‘Alas, Sovereign Lord! The prophets keep telling them, ‘You will not see the sword or suffer famine. Indeed, I will give you lasting peace in this place.’
“Then the Lord said to me, ‘The prophets are prophesying lies in my name. I have not sent them or appointed them or spoken to them. They are prophesying to you false visions, divinations, idolatries and the delusions of their own minds. Therefore this is what the Lord says about the prophets who are prophesying in my name: I did not send them, yet they are saying, ‘No sword or famine will touch this land.’ Those same prophets will perish by sword and famine. And the people they are prophesying to will be thrown out into the streets of Jerusalem because of the famine and sword. There will be no one to bury them, their wives, their sons and their daughters. I will pour out on them the calamity they deserve.”
Let us bow to Almighty God in prayer:
Dearest Heavenly Father,
Your Word in the Book of Jeremiah tells us of a time when You had had enough of wickedness in the land of Judah. Though people sacrificed to You and prayed for You to relent in Your wrath, You knew that only total destruction would be the catalyst to bring them back to You. Father, we are at a time now where, according to Your Holy Word, it looks as though there is no turning back. Our nations are wicked, through and through. They practice the black arts of abortion and sexual depravity. Our scientists are meddling with Your original design, trying to improve on it! Their hubris, LORD God, is beyond imagining.
LORD, today we pray for those who are genuinely Yours, who have surrendered their lives to Jesus, that we will trust in You, in Your promises to protect us and keep us from the Evil One. We pray also for any who might be on the cusp of coming to You, that they will see Your Light of Life and Love very soon and surrender their lives to Jesus Christ. And we pray, Father, that those who are blind to Your holiness and even to Your existence will have a chance to call on Your Name, and so be saved. These things we pray in the sure, strong and Holy Name of Yeshua Ha’Maschiach. Amen.
By God’s own Word, we know there was a beginning to this age, and there is an end, planned by the LORD God Himself, and over which we have no control whatever. Jesus taught us to pray, “Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” Even the Son of God, Himself, prayed that very prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before He died on the cross. “Father, if You are willing, take this cup from Me, yet not My will, but Yours be done.” If we haven’t yet learned this principle in our Christian walk, we need to do so, and do it NOW.
This world is not about us, beloved Christians. It is about God’s glory in His creation. We are His creation, made to reflect back to Him His glory. Jesus did that, and He did it every day of His earthly life. Though Jesus was fully God, He was also fully man. His humanity was not less than our own. Jesus laughed, cried, celebrated, mourned, ate, slept and did all the things human beings do. He knew pain. He knew sorrow. He knew joy and laughter. But all of His life He gave to the Father and did nothing outside of the Will of Almighty God.
So, saying all that, how does it fit with our Scripture verses from Jeremiah?
Well, for one thing, the people of Judah in Jeremiah’s day certainly were NOT living in the Will of the Creator. In the space of just a handful of generations away from King David, the Jews (as well as the Israelites) had turned away from Almighty God, had lusted after pagan gods and their detestable practices. And let me just say here that this present generation, with all science’s monkeying around with the human genome, has likely far surpassed the evil done in Jeremiah’s generation … the evil which brought down God’s wrath on the nations of Judah and Israel.
Many in the Church cite the 2 Chronicles prayer as being a means of saving our nations. I hear pastors invite their congregations to say it with the expectation that God stands ready to hear it and, PRESTO, make all things the way they were. Really? What about the “humble hearts” part? If every person in the world, every man, woman and child, called upon the Name of the LORD, and humbled him- or herself before Him, and turned from their wickedness, I strongly suspect our world would indeed be healed by God’s hand. But I also strongly suspect that the LORD God knew there would be a tipping point, beyond which there was (is) no going back.
The tipping point in Jeremiah’s day was the deceit of the prophets. Jeremiah tells the LORD, “The prophets keep telling them they will not see the sword or suffer famine, and that You, LORD, are going to give them peace in the land.” But the LORD God says, “The prophets are prophesying lies in My Name. I have not sent them or appointed them or spoken to them. They are prophesying to you false visions, divination, idolatries, and the delusions of their own minds.”
Let’s bring that to the present age. One thing we keep hearing constantly these days is, “Fake News!” There is little doubt that politicians lie with straight faces to the cameras and to our faces. They call evil for good and good for evil (Isaiah 5:20). They tell us a global pandemic is so dangerous that we must ruin our national economies to deal with it. There is so much deceit in our world today that it has become almost impossible to know what is real and what isn’t.
False visions are leading us away from the One Source of love and protection human beings have ever had – God! Western nations are worshiping at the altars of demons and false gods once again. For heaven’s sake, there is a sneaker for sale that celebrates Satan and even contains a drop of real human blood!! Really.
Divinations? Well, daily newspapers have been running horoscope columns for almost a century. But much more than that, today we have ‘prognosticators’ of everything under the sun, from weathermen to stockbrokers, even to medical people. So-called ‘experts’ in every field sway your brain daily to buy stuff you don’t need and adopt habits that are bad for your soul. This is done through non-stop advertising.
Idolatries? How about the worship of sports figures and Hollywood ‘stars’? Kids today know way more about movie and sports stars than they do about Jesus Christ. “God? Oh yeah … the sky fairy who grants all your wishes – NOT!” (That was a real post I read on a news website not long ago.)
Delusions of their own minds? How about this one? “There are 382 genders!” or “A man can give birth.” or “Love is love no matter who it is with.”
And what does the LORD God have to say about all this depravity? “I will pour out on them the calamity they deserve.”
Now, this is Old Testament. Jesus went to the cross so that we wouldn’t end up with the calamity we deserve … BUT ONLY IF WE REPENT, TURN FROM OUR INIQUITY, AND LIVE THE REST OF OUR LIVES FOR AND IN HIM. What percentage of the world’s people have actually done this?
Can the LORD bring revival at this late date? Of course. The question is: How many would turn to Him? A few million? There are seven, almost eight billion people on the planet today. Believers, we are way past the tipping point. It is a great tribute to Our God that His patience hasn’t run out yet. As Apostle Peter says, “People will say, ‘Where is this coming He promised? Ever since our ancestors died, everything goes on as it has since the beginning of creation.'”
“But do not forget this one thing, dearest friends: With the LORD a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a day. The LORD is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the LORD will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare�� (2 Peter 3:4, 8-10)
There is an end, my friends. I don’t write this to scare you but to make you see that it is inevitable and that you have no control over it. It is the LORD God’s domain. Therefore, trust in Him. Do His Will. Love Him, and keep His commands, and there will never ever be a need to fear anything. Jesus has said, “Since you have kept My command to endure patiently, I will also keep you from the hour of trial that is going to come on the whole world to test the inhabitants of the earth” (Revelation 3:10).
Repent! The end IS near! Hallelujah, Amen.
Heavenly Father: All glory and praise to You for loving us so much that You sent Your One and Only Son to earth to redeem us from original sin, open the gates of eternal life, and restore all things. Please open hearts and minds today, Father, to the urgency of claiming Christ as our Saviour. This we pray through Him, Yeshua Ha’Maschiach, our LORD Jesus Christ. Amen.
This devotional, based on God’s Holy Word, was written by Lynda Janzen, Kincardine, ON Canada, with the inspiration of God’s own Holy Spirit. All glory to God.
If anyone reading this email has not yet received Jesus as their Saviour, but God has touched your heart by His Holy Word, please email me ([email protected]) or find a Bible-believing local church and ask the Pastor what you must do to be saved in Grace. In the meantime, please consider the ABCs of Salvation:
Salvation as simple as ABC:
A: Admit that you are a sinner. This is where Godly sorrow leads to genuine repentance for sinning against a righteous God, and there is a change of heart; we change our mind, and God changes our hearts and regenerates us from the inside out.
Romans 3:10 – “As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one.'”
Romans 3:23 – “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
Romans 6:23 – “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Ephesians 2:8-9 – “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”
B: Believe in your heart that Jesus Christ died for your sins, was buried, and that God raised Jesus from the dead. This is trusting with all of your heart that Jesus Christ is who he said he was.
Romans 10:9-10 – “That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.”
John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
C: Call upon the name of the Lord. Every single person who ever lived since Adam will bend their knee and confess with their mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord, the Lord of lords and the King of kings.
Romans 14:11 – “It is written: ‘As surely as I live, says the Lord, every knee will bow before me; every tongue will confess to God.'”
Romans 10:13 – “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
#End#Times#Latter#Days#Rapture#Great Tribulation#A#B#C#of#Salvation#Repent#&#Be#Saved#Don't#Be Left Behind#Jesus#is#Coming#Imminent
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Agents of Shield Series Finale thoughts (finally)
Or alt title Skye finally sits down to write this after two days of being overtired, overwhelmed and as a result, anxious! Feeling a WHOLE lot better today after a few anxiety naps and watching Phineas and Ferb on Disney + (that show is just pure serotonin I swear)
God what can I say that hasn’t already been said. I’m so beyond happy. I have no idea what my expectations were but by god were they exceeded. I cannot say enough how happy I am. They saved the world with empathy. How utterly beautiful. The endings everyone got were all just so utterly utterly deserved. I’m still in shock really.
If you haven’t already guessed it, I did not make it to my alarm at half past 6 on Thursday morning. I woke up at quarter past 5 after barely three hours of sleep and just could not help myself. I finished, cried for two hours and collapsed for another hour and a half. And she wonders why she’s felt like utter shit the past two days...
ANYWAY
DEKE DEKE MY WONDERFUL MY MOST DEAREST DISASTER SON!!!!!!!!! I love him so much. I know he’s happy in alt. 1983 but losing him was honestly such sweet sorrow. I had a feeling that he would sacrifice himself but I could not have guessed that it would happen in honestly such a good way. He still gets to live, gets to be the director of Shield (god help them) and I’m equally happy and devastated for him. I love Deke so much, he is very dear to me, and the money I would pay for a miniseries of him just absolutely killing it as Shield director in the 80′s with his side business of being a popstar, like the amount doesn’t exist. Also his impersonation of Fitz was so incredibly hilarious, Jeff Ward actually does a not bad Scottish accent and the IMMEDIATE adoption of the pregnant lady pose just ABSOLUTELY SENT ME!!!!!!!!!!
Mack. I’m so happy he lived. His team up with Sousa will forever give me life. Them taping goddamn chronicoms to the missiles to blast a hole in the ship, like whoever came up with that idea, you are now my favourite human on this earth. It is so supremely dumb but I love it so much. As much as there was BIG concern going into this that he was going to die, ta Henry, I never once felt worried for him. Like he never even came close???????? Also a raise to whoever put him in that big long jacket at the end like oh my god are you serious, AMAZING
Yoyo. I had NOT A SINGULAR CLUE, NOT EVEN AN INCLINE of what was going to happen to Yoyo. Her little team up at the end with Piper and Davis (DAVIS ROBO!DAVIS YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS BICKERING WITH PIPER WE LOVE TO SEE IT) was beyond incredible. Yoyo had such a great arc this season, and I’m just so happy to see it concluded so well, plus that shot of her zooming out of the car at the end was beyond A+ it was beautiful.
May. May, wonderful May. Her appearing OUT OF GODDAMN NOWHERE TO JUST ABSOLUTELY END SIBYL IS JUST FOREVER GOING TO GIVE ME LIFE. THE CAVALRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so intrigued with where they were going with her arc this season, like I enjoyed empath May but I was so curious to see where it was going and oh what a pay off it was. I literally shouted AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH at my screen when she put her hands into that machine and Coulson explained it, BECAUSE IT ALL JUST MADE SENSE. Also it was 100000000000000000000% her idea to name it Coulson Academy, and no one disagreed with her. I loved her little call back to S1 with her just being the pilot. In general I thought all of the call backs were very well handled and placed, nothing felt too fan servicey it was all very natural and organic bc these writers really just know what they’re about and are just so incredibly good at their jobs. ANYWAY MAY. I’m happy that she’s getting a little bit of rest from the field, she absolutely deserves it.
Coulson. I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t sure about Robo!Coulson when he was introduced at the end of last season, but my god am I so happy for him now. He is truly the heart of this show, the whole thing began because a stubborn group of fans refused to accept that he had died. And really isn’t that a theme that has carried us through this entire show haha? I was so terrifed for about 30 seconds that Sibyl was going to turn him against the rest of the team, so the RELIEF of May popping out of the ceiling to JUST END HER ENTIRE CAREER WAS INCREDIBLE. The reappearance of Lola ABSOLUTELY SENT ME. I also love that after years of Coulson refusing to let Mack work on Lola, Mack just went “Fuck it” and built one from, I assume, scratch. He is going to be the best Grandpa to little Alya Fitzsimmons and you can tear that headcanon from my cold dead hands. Again, what a deserving ending. I could not be happier for him, that last shot was just perfect.
Daisy. Oh boy, we’re getting into my heafty emotions now. I would just like to say that her entire arc throughout this entire show is one of the most incredible, most amazing and well crafted and well thought out characters arcs in television history. Watching her go from this lost little hacker with a bit of a smart mouth, to this strong and powerful LITERAL SUPERHERO has actually been a privilege and I cannot stress enough how much I have loved watching her grow and evolve over the past seven years. That being said, I am low key FURIOUS that they made me think that she was dead for even just a SECOND. I WAS SOBBING NO AT MY PHONE FOR THAT ENTIRE LITTLE INTERLUDE LIKE NO FUCKING WAY ARE YOU GOING TO KILL HER OFF AND LEAVE HER BODY IN SPACE I WILL NOT LET YOU, LET ME GO SHARPEN MY PITCHFORK I AM COMING FOR YOU. I will now invite you to imagine the look of absolute and utter joy and relief on my face when I saw she was alive. Skye/Daisy holds such a special place in my heart. Her whole thing with Sousa this season was SO UTTERLY OUT OF THE BLUE BUT SO INCREDIBLY DELIGHTFUL AND DESERVED!?!?!?!??!?!!?!? Like out of everything I think that little plot detail is what surprised me the most, and I surprised myself by really loving it as much as I did. I would have been happy if she had ended the series single but I’m so happy that she has this wonderful partner who loves her so much and has her back and just looks after her like it’s just like the most wonderful added bonus which she deserves. Sousa is also like a whole ass snack and as I have been saying in my tags for the past few weeks, DAISY GET IT!!!! I love that she ended the series with her own little family, her sister and Sousa. I just. I cannot even think about that without welling up. Daisy has a family, and she chose it and she loves them all so much. I know it was last weeks ep too but I will never get over her calling Simmons her sister. Never ever ever for as long as I live. I’m so happy for her. So beyond happy.
FitzSimmons. Here we, here we, here we fucking go. What to even say apart from big, long and loud sobbing noises, cause that’s all I have really been able to do in regards to them for the last two days. Happy isn’t a strong enough word. There is no word big enough, nor all encompassing enough to say how utterly UTTERLY happy I am that they got their most beautiful happy ending. Fitz guiding her through her memories, the second Jemma said Alya I started screaming, I just I knew that was her name, and him just being so gentle with her whilst she was remembering, like oh my heart. I excuse them everything, the lack of Fitz (WHICH WAS NO ONE’S FAULT I WILL NOT HAVE ANYTHING ABOUT THAT HERE) this season was honestly just paid back tenfold in the scenes that we got of him. His frustration IMMEDIATELY at everyone not understanding their plan was so amazingly hilarious. Simmons half remembering everything was both heartbreaking and hilarious, the scene of her asking for a supersuit like Daisy’s was incredible and both Deke and Daisy responding to her like she was a child they needed to trick into doing something for them, like yes if you come with us you’ll get a supersuit and a bit chocolate, incredible. The acting in both episodes from both IDC and Elizabeth was just truly something else. The fact that neither of them have been nominated EVER for their work on this show is nothing less than criminal. Her face when she remembered Alya. Dear god my heart. I have watched that scene of them reuniting with her at least 3000000000000000000000 times since Thursday morning. I won’t ever forget it. What a beautiful scene. What an incredible scene. “You were guarding our everything.” SHE’S THEIR EVERYTHING. THEIR UTTER EVERYTHING! I’M ACTUALLY LIKE SOBBING WRITING THIS I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE GET OVER THE FACT THAT THEY LET FITZSIMMONS LIVE IN PEACE FOR FOUR WHOLE ASS YEARS, LET THEM HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, MOST PRECIOUS LITTLE BABY GIRL AND THEN LET THEM LIVE IN PEACE AGAIN I JUST!!! I HAVE WANTED THIS FOR THEM FOR SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO VERY LONG!!! (also @ marvel I’m not in a place where I want any kind of continuation or spin off at the moment but I would watch a FitzSimmons miniseries of them just being happy and domestic and working in space for 4 years. Just SOMETHING to consider) I cannot thank the writers enough for finally finally letting them have their happy ending. They have been through so much, and it was all worth it because it led them to their happily ever after and to their little girl and I just, that is everything. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! I have talked a lot in this post about people deserving their endings but honestly none more than FitzSimmons. Fitz playing with Alya in their little garden whilst Simmons watches with the biggest smile on her face. How perfect. I could not have dreamt a better ending for them I’m so so so so so SO beyond happy for them. And god that little girl is just the most precious. Her gleefully exclaiming “Mama!” at Simmons is the EXACT moment that I started sobbing and did not stop for the rest of the episode. Also I know they didn’t explicitly say it but they are 100000000000000% at their cottage in Perthshire, again you can pry that headcanon out of MY COLD DEAD HANDS!!! I’m just so so so so so so so so SO beyond happy that FitzSimmons got the ending that they deserved so much. They can be at peace now. I have loved them since LITERALLY day one, and I cannot imagine what would happen if I got to tell little 15 year old me how they ended up. I’m sending her good vibes to the past, I know she got them, because I never ever ever gave up on that hope for them. FitzSimmons, to me, represent so much goodness and hope and just everything I aspire to have in a relationship (without the constant separation and the death and all that fun shit), but just the utter love they have for each other. (thanks for the impossible standard to which I hold all men now JedMo). I have been on just a rollercoaster with these two characters, their relationship and each of them as individuals have taught me so much and brought me so much comfort, especially during some of the hardest times I have ever experienced. I’ll tell some of those stories one day. Not yet. I’m not ready. I’m still honestly just reeling. I have wanted A Happy FitzSimmons ending for SO LONG and I just cannot believe that we got it. Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU.
Writing this felt very cathartic. It’s almost been good to just get ALL OF THE EMOTIONS OUT. I think I’m actually going to take a nap now. I forget how tiring it is to be so emotional. What can I say to end this except reiterate again just how happy I am with that finale. I’m so thrilled that they gave us such a beautiful ending, it really was just a love letter to the series as a whole and to it’s message. I think it was quote from Jeff Bell that I saw and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since, because of how true it is, and really that’s why I hold this show so dear and why I have done for the past 7 years, and that is that this show is ultimately about hope. What a beautiful thing.
#aos spoilers#7.12 spoilers#7.13 spoilers#agents of shield#Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.#aos#skye really rambles#skye rambles#thank you#thank you so much
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