#and I know it's supposed to be self-indulgent and writing should be about the process and not the results but | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gnreadergames · 10 months ago

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Weird Science

Egon Spengler x Named FTM!Male Oc

Content warnings: Some sexual tension leading into non-graphic sexual content, mostly sickeningly sweet shit, Egon’s a lil crazy, Alex likes em cooky, doctor kink?? Is that a thing? Idk, either way a PHD title is used in a way no one should use a PHD title. Unless they are freaks like me :3

A/N: Crawling out of my hole I’ve been in for *checks watch* like almost a year to bring you this. I have no excuses guys I just rewatched my favorite movie and wanted to fuck the science man again. Super self indulgent, also for my trans readers because I’ve noticed a lot of yall thirsting after this man are trans. Congratulations my niche little subjects, here’s some food.

Word count: 13,971. - Yes you read that right. I just really wanted to write some gooey porn about the science man okay?

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Egon Spengler sat alone in the firehouse, surrounded by the various specimen he had collected from a bust and the various machines created to catch and contain ghosts. He had just finished running diagnostics on the Proton Packs, fixing a bug that Peter had showed him on his, and was in the process of cataloging and tagging some new samples he had collected on their last bust of a succubus in a hotel.

Alex was quiet about accessing the stairs. The door to the bottom always squeaked but he made sure to pull it open extra slowly this time, and somehow successfully managed to make it all the way up to the top of the 2nd floor completely silently. Egon was perched at the main table in the kitchen up top. Its circular surface was covered with bagged petri-dishes, spore samples, and various robotic gadgets he guessed were for ghost hunting. He deftly approached from behind.

Egon’s head was down, nose intently tucked into whatever journal he was writing in now as Alex tiptoed up behind him and every so suddenly crouched down beside him to ear level and said, in a level inside voice, ‘Whatcha’ up to Spengs’?”.

Egon startled. It was Alex. It was rare for anyone to just come up behind him at the firehouse, but given recent events, he wasn't really surprised. He put down his pen, looking to get a better look at Alex.

"Hm? Oh, just going over the findings from our last bust. And the latest samples. It's all pretty...standard stuff, really. Nothing worth getting excited about."

“Yeah? Thought molds spores and fungi were your type of fun, guy-“ Alex laughed a little at his own joke, hand brushing the back of the chair and inadvertently brushing ever so briefly against Egon’s bare neck. Alex blushed slightly and hoped Egon was too focused to have noticed as he took a seat next to him.

Egon glanced up from his notes. Despite Alex making his presence very obvious, Egon had been so engrossed in his work that he barely noticed. Now, he was caught, and clearly flustered.

"Right. It's not that this sort of stuff isn't interesting. It's just..." He paused, trying to come up with the right words. "It's less exciting than seeing ghosts, you know? There's much less danger to it."

Alex cocked his head, curious. ”So is that why you do it?” He asked.

He thought for a moment, considering how to answer this question.

"In a sense, I suppose. There is always the hope that when I'm out investigating, I might encounter something truly new. Something unexpected and unpredictable. Something that could turn the whole study of ghosts on its head. And believe me, it's been a long time since we've had a true breakthrough in ghost related research."

“Is it the danger or is it the superiority? The control?” Alex blurted out without really thinking. When he realized what he said and how odd of a question it was “I just mean…” he stammered, “Do you think you like the danger, or do you like being in control? Do you like feeling powerful over the ghosts? Do you like the chase and the win? Kinda like a game…” Alex mumbled off, blushing. He felt like he only further incriminated himself into his line of thinking.

Egon laughed quietly. Clearly he wasn't offended by the question, even if it was a rather strange one. He was also more than a little intrigued.

"There is certainly an element of control, I must admit. I do like to think that I know what I'm doing out there." He paused, still smiling. "But at the same time, I'm also just as much at the mercy of the ghosts. There's always a certain...risk that I think I enjoy."

“Hm. You work in interesting ways ‘Spengs…” Alex hummed thoughtfully. His posture became a little more relaxed as he rested forward, chin on his elbow watching Egon tag samples and hum along to a janky radio he had sitting on an adjacent counter of the kitchen.

"Doctor Spengler, if you don't mind," Egon corrected, his tone only half-joking.

He glanced back down at his notes, making a few more small adjustments before finally setting the pen down.

"So you just...came over here to bother me while I work?"

“Mostly. It is my favorite pastime as you know.” Alex smirked, almost cat-like. Egon rolled his eyes, he knew the gentle teasing Alex put him through.

“Also, Doctor Spengler? What am I, one of your patients? Or do you just get a kick out of making people call you that?” Alex teased again, this time dropping his voice a little in a lusty tone that made him laugh trying to get it out in one piece.

Egon smirked, rolling his eyes in return. Alex's teasing was one of the things he actually did kind of enjoy.

”The latter, if I'm being perfectly honest. Not that I'll ever admit it."

He crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair.

"But you have to admit, Doctor is a much nicer title than Mr. Or even Professor. That title's always been a little too pretentious for its own good," he continued to banter.

I like Mr. in…” Alex paused, looking pensively upwards, “certain contexts. Like if you were to get married. Mr. And Mrs. Or er, Mr. And Mr…” Alex said casually. He hadn’t formally come out to Egon but he knew Venkman’s little vermin hands had background checked him enough to know his dating preferences already and his gender. And to be fully honest, he liked Egon more than anybody else here, even if he’d only admit it under extreme duress, or maybe too much alcohol.

So he deserved to know.

Or maybe Alex was a little desperate to share practically anything about himself in hopes of getting closer to the other man.

Egon's eyebrow raised slightly, hearing this. Alex hadn't come out to him directly, but this felt pretty obvious. It wasn't an issue to Egon anyway, but he was curious to know now.

"Alex...are you telling me you're interested in...men?"

He cleared his throat, his tone a bit nervous. He wasn't sure how to react.

“Oh-“ Alex hadn’t expected Egon to ask him so directly. But then again, he never was one for taking hints. “Yeah, I am.”

His face was redder than usual and it was obvious Egon’s bluntness had caught him slightly off guard and flustered him.

“I hope that isn’t a problem with you. I really like…spending time with you Egon.” Alex said. He wanted to leave it vague, for now at least. He didn’t even know if Egon was into men, let alone if Egon considered him a friend let alone a potential romantic interest. He didn’t want to jump the guns too fast here.

Egon looked at him, taking a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Alex...I have no problem with it. I'm very happy to spend time with you as well. I just...wasn't expecting you to say that."

For a moment, he seemed like he was going to say something more. But he held back, thinking better of it, clearly not sure what to actually say right now.

"Just didn't have you pegged as one who...preferred men's company."

“Oh really?” Alex laughed, he could lighten the mood up a bit hopefully. “What did you have me pegged for then, ‘Spengs?” he asked, leaning forward on his elbows curiously.

Egon laughed quietly as well.

"Well, you seem like you'd have an eye for the ladies." He grinned, still in an obviously good-natured way. "If you're into guys, then you're not exactly...what I would call 'typically gay' looking."

“Well…thanks?” Alex laughed. “I’m into women too, so I guess I would be in the middle of whatever spectrum you’re thinking of.”

He crumpled up a loose straw wrapper from Egon’s ginger ale and started to flick it back and forth between his fingers, nervously.

Egon nodded. He didn't seem all that surprised by this; if anything he had always got the sense that Alex was at least a little bit bi-curious, given some of the conversations they'd had.

"Right. The ol' 'bisexual' thing." He joked.

Suddenly he looked at Alex again, with an expression of sudden realization.

"Wait. Wait a minute. Are you...are you saying..."

His eyes widened slightly.

“What? Not so blunt now Egon?” Alex questioned.

“Are you...hitting on me?”

Egon looked at him, and this time his tone seemed to be one of genuine curiosity, mixed with amusement.

“Who said anything about hitting on you? Just thought you should know.” Alex was very clearly red around the apples of his cheeks and ears. He was at least embarrassed, if not caught.

Egon felt something warm and vulnerable flutter underneath one of his ribs. He swallowed.

Alex was stubborn and obviously determined not to be caught this fast in this little game they had been playing, the roughly 3 weeks of back and forth bantering, the casual drink after work when everyone else had already left, and of course, decidedly ignoring whatever happened after the attack on New York when he saw Egon exit the building safely, if not covered in goo.

Even though he, and he’s pretty sure Egon too, both remember it, neither of them have brought it up in a serious manner.

Egon laughed quietly, shaking his head. He was surprised sure, but he certainly wasn't upset. If anything, the opposite.

They were alone together, no one to hear or see anything. No one to interrupt them. Egon took a deep breath.

"Okay. I'll be honest," he said, looking Alex directly in the eye. "If you were trying to get me to figure out you're interested in me, then that definitely did the trick."

Alex smiled. It was different from his usually sly cat-like grin. This time, it was a softer, less slick looking smile with some genuine warmth behind it.

“And why would somebody as astute as the doctor Egon Spengler care about such a thing?” Alex asked, feigning being coy.

Egon had to laugh at that, shaking his head. Alex was a lot of things, but one thing he most certainly was not was subtle.

"I care because..." he paused, his smile becoming a bit broader. Despite their teasing back and forth, he was suddenly being completely genuine.

"Actually, this is probably pretty obvious, but..." He let the rest go unsaid for a moment. He didn't know what he wanted to come next. If he actually wanted to stay casual, or if he wanted more.

Alex swallowed audibly with how quiet the room had gotten suddenly.

“Egon….do you….like me?” Alex asked softly. He felt like he was dreaming, like he would wake up at any moment and this would all have been some fevered imagination of a sickly brain, a brain obsessed with this gorgeous brainiac.

Egon's face was a shade of pink now...a very noticeable pink. He shifted in his seat, clearly a bit flustered.

"I..." he said quietly. "...yes." He raised his hands up slightly, as if trying to steady himself.

"I mean...if you're okay with what that means and all that...is it...alright if I'm honest with you?"

“Please” Alex begged, voice wavering. He wanted this so much he didn’t know how to ask with words. He had practiced this scenario a thousand times over in his head as he tried to fall asleep night after night and still, he didn’t know how to respond to this. “Be honest.”

Egon swallowed, trying to gather his thoughts and his breath.

"Okay...well...I...I don't think I could have made it through the last few months without you." His words came out in spurts, each sentence broken up by pauses as he lost himself in his thoughts.

"There's always been something about you. Something I've found...really irresistible. Your mind, your energy...your...your...ahem...your...um...your...looks" He smirked softly as he finished that last sentence.

Alex flushed bright red.

Up until 10 minutes ago he had doubts the doctor even had the capabilities to be attracted to anybody, much less a man, and to hear that he had potentially been being discreetly checked out around the office made a slight sweat break out under his collared shirt and tie.

Not that he hadn’t been doing the same thing to Egon a few times when he worked… who can blame him? He flushed even harder thinking about one specific time and broke eye contact, embarrassed.

Egon couldn't help but chuckle at this. He could tell that he'd caught a very sensitive nerve. A grin spread across his face as he shook his head, still laughing a bit.

"God you're cute when you get like this," Egon said, almost teasingly.

His tone became more serious again, as he leaned forward a bit closer towards Alex.

"Can I ask you something?"

“Y-“ Alex had to swallow, mouth suddenly becoming dry as Egon leaned ever closer. “Yeah.” His eyes couldn’t look anywhere by Egon now, and he was sure his face was visibly red by now if it wasn’t before.

Egon took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to say.

"Before, you said you hadn't formally told me...about...your preferences. Was there a specific reason for this? Because I'd like to know if..."

He stopped there, looking into Alex's warm brown eyes. He took another deep breath.

"Was it because you weren't sure about my preferences?"

Alex caught a nervous laugh. He didn’t want Egon to think he was laughing at him, he was just so relieved they might possibly be on the same page and that this wasn’t another time Alex would be head over heels for another guy that would leave him the first chance he got a hotter woman to look at him.

“Yeah…I was just… curious is all.” Alex looked down at the floor, nervous and a bit embarrassed to be that easy to read. “Took you long enough…I think the others were starting to think I was just weird.”

Egon smirked, letting out an amused sigh.

"Well, they're not necessarily...wrong about that." He said, teasingly as always. But it was clear that he didn't mean it in an offensive way.

When Alex said he was curious, Egon understood. He had always wondered why Alex had never talked much about personal subjects like that. He was starting to see why now.

"Right. Well, I think it's my turn to be honest, yeah?"

“I think it is, doctor.” Alex teased back. Now that he knew Egon liked using that little word he was going to be sure to make it difficult. Especially if this conversation was going the way he thought it was.

Egon grinned, playing along for now.

"Okay. My turn to be honest, then."

He looked at Alex, his expression more serious again.

"I'm still confused on one thing, though. Can I ask you a personal question?"

”Go ahead” Alex said. He supposed he could be honest about it all now since he’d been pretty much found out.

Egon breathed. "Alright. I can't help but notice that after every time we have a bust, something happens between us...how do I say this? More than before. Have you ever...noticed that too?”

Egon paused to take a deep breath, still holding his eye contact. This was the moment of truth. He'd known that for some time now, the two of them were beginning to develop feelings for each other. But he'd held back, not wanting to push it too fast. But now he couldn't hold back anymore. He needed to know if Alex had noticed too.

”I’ve…” Alex had to choose his words carefully. “I’ve noticed it too. When I started working here last year…” Alex shifted nervously and then suddenly became more serious, sitting up and placing his hands on the table. “When I started working here last year I didn’t think much about it. It was supposed to just be a stepping stone to bigger things, being the Ghostbusters official PR manager is nothing to sneeze at and I thought if I just hung out here long enough I could get a job somewhere on Wall Street, bigger things, better pay…” Alex swallowed. “But then I started to like hanging out with you guys. And then we became friends, and suddenly it became a lot harder to see it as just a job. And then after…well to be honest right before the New York attack, that night you walked me home after we were the last two here, I think I sort of thought about you differently than the rest of them.”

Alex didn’t know how to explain it, it was difficult putting it into words. “I think I realized I cared about you more. In a different way I mean. Sure I’m friends with Venkmen and Stanz and Zeddemore, but I didn’t see you like I saw them. I wanted to get to know you more, I knew it when I said goodnight to you and it was snowing on my doorstep. And you smiled at me. I think I knew then. And then of course right after that big attack happened and I thought for sure you were dead, we had no clue how anything was going to play out and I just remembered feeling like I could die of happiness seeing you walk out of that building, and…I guess before I knew it I was already moving to you. I don’t really know why I hugged you, I was just…glad you were okay. I was glad I hadn’t missed my chance with you, I guess. I hadn’t realized how special you were to me.”

Egon's eyes were locked on Alex's every breath, every word. It was like he was seeing him in an entirely different light right now. They'd flirted and teased back and forth before, but everything here sounded so much more genuine and sincere. Like they weren't even playing a game anymore, they were being very real with each other. It was a beautiful thing.

Egon swallowed, his heart pounding inside his chest. He felt like...like this was it.

"Can I be honest with you about something, too?"

“Anything.” Alex breathed. He felt like he was going to explode admitting all of that.

Egon swallowed, his heart pounding even faster. Just like Alex he was ready to explode. But he had to get this off his chest. Now that they'd started, he couldn't think of a reason to stop.

"I've never...I've never felt the way about anyone before the way that I feel about you. I didn't even realize it at first but I've been..." He couldn't believe he was saying all this. "...I've been thinking about you a lot. Too damn much of the time, actually."

Alex smiled, giddy and carefree. He felt a little dizzy with nerves.

“Really?” He breathed, excitedly. “I’m so glad. I can’t stop thinking about you, I felt like I was going crazy. I think even Venkman picked up on it this past month when you went on that blind date Stanz set you up on.”

Egon chuckled, a wide grin on his face.

"Yeah...can't say it was a successful date."

He thought back to the disaster of a date he'd been set up with a few weeks ago. It was pretty damn clear to even Venkman. So maybe they were a little more transparent than they should have been with their feelings of late towards their friend’s attempts to set them up with other people.

"I feel stupid for letting it take this long to acknowledge any of this."

“Maybe we’re both stupid.” Alex thought, dumbly. But he couldn’t let anything dampen his mood right now. He felt like he was floating, almost drunk with happiness.

“So Mr. Scientist,” he said, balancing his chin on his hand and reaching an index finger to fiddle around with the lid of an empty Petri dish in front of him, “tell me about what you think about me. What’s been on that big brain of yours?” He purred.

Egon felt his heart skip a beat when Alex started flirting with him. He wasn't used to it, but he really liked it. What he liked even more was the idea that someone as brilliant and attractive as Alex thought this way about him.

Egon chuckled, his lips curling up into a smirk. "You want me to be honest about what I think about you?"

“Honesty is the best policy” Alex nodded, intrigued.

"Yeah...yeah it definitely is." Egon leaned forward, his gaze even more intense than before.

"I think you're absolutely brilliant. Not just in terms of your science...but your mind itself. That sharp, witty mind of yours is such a...turn on." His smirk became a bit more mischievous as he spoke. "I love it when you try to outwit a person in conversation, when you get all riled up and competitive.... I love even more that I've never seen you lose."

“You have such a way with your stupid words.” Alex giggled. He was sure he was making a fool of himself but he couldn’t believe somebody like the Egon Spengler found him attractive. He could count on one hand the times he’d been this lucky in his entire life.

“You really know how to flatter a guy,” Alex admitted, tracing the rim of the Petri dish with the same finger absentmindedly.

Egon smiled, chuckling at that, but not denying the accuracy.

"I wasn't kidding when I said your mind turns me on."

He leaned in even closer, his gaze burning into Alex's. He looked at the way Alex was tracing the rim of his empty petri dish and had an idea.

"I have a suggestion..."

“Shoot.” Alex said, sharpening the ‘T’ sound, almost bitingly.

Egon swallowed, almost nervous looking. But he thought this would be the perfect way to test the waters, to see just how interested Alex really was before he took it a step further.

"Close your eyes..."

“Okay.” Alex said, cautiously but trusting. He knew Egon wouldn’t hurt him and if anything, not knowing what was coming next and being completely at the will of the other man kind of made him feel safe. It was nice. It made his heart race a little.

He shut his eyes gently, waiting.

Egon smirked, enjoying the game he was playing. He stood up, and slowly started moving behind Alex, his movements very subtle and patient. When he got behind him, he took the same index finger that Alex had been tracing the edge of the Petri dish with and ran it softly, delicately over the back of Alex's neck, sliding it into his hair and slowly running it through.

Alex shivered at the touch.

Christ.

Okay.

He hadn’t been expecting this. Egon wasn’t a touchy person, not even in the throes of victory, so this was new, and honestly thrilling for Alex.

“Egon…” Alex practically purred, keening towards the touch. He liked it. He liked it a lot.

Egon smiled, pleased with the way Alex reacted to it. He decided to go a step further, and slowly, still using only his one index finger, started stroking Alex's hair down his neck, and eventually down his shoulders as he continued to trace a line down Alex's back.

Alex shivered and twitched with every vertebrae that Egon ran his finger past.

“This another one of your experiments, doctor?” Alex teased with a voice lower and slower than normal, but this time the air was thicker with something unspoken and unseen. But it could be very, very felt. Distantly, Alex was glad everyone else had taken this Saturday off.

Egon smirked. He loved that he was making Alex squirm, that he was clearly enjoying this so much. Alex's lower and slower voice made his chest tremble with a mix of emotion. A mix of excitement and fear. He was enjoying this, this flirtatious back and forth, but now he was feeling more daring…

"No experiment...this is something...much more personal."

“And what exactly are you testing here?” Alex asked. He still hadn’t opened his eyes yet, but now he thought he couldn’t bear not being able to see Egon for a second longer. He opened his eyes, and titled his head slightly back and was met with an angled view of his affections.

His heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t expecting Egon to look anything less than well…perfect. But this was new. Egon’s once soft brown eyes looked almost black with how dilated his pupils were, and his olive completion was a richer red tone around his face and ears. He may be more cognitively in control of the situation, but it was good to see that he was just as affected by Alex as he was by Egon.

Egon smirked and stepped even closer, their mouths finally just inches away from one another. He watched as the corners of Alex's lips quivered ever so slightly, and he couldn't help but feel a wave of joy sweep over him.

"My test..." Egon's voice was lower, and more seductive than ever. "...is to see exactly how far I can push it before you can't take it anymore."

As he spoke, he leaned just a tiny bit closer. Their lips were almost touching…

“Egon,” Alex’s voice was barely a whisper but it somehow only came out as a strung out whimper. He titled his head back ever so slightly more and he felt Egon’s breath hot on his lips.

Alex would beg for mercy if he had to. He just wanted Egon. He was so happy he could cry. His entire body felt like it was vibrating with how wired and nervous he was.

Egon knew at this point he couldn't hold back anymore. It was obvious he was just as nervous as Alex was. And in this intense moment, he needed to let him know that. His hands fell to Alex's shoulders and he pulled him even closer, so their chests were pressing sharply up against one another.

Egon's voice was lower than the lowest, as he began to whisper right back.

"God do you know how badly I want you, right now? What I would do to you if I could right this second?"

Alex’s head spun. Who was this? His Egon was quiet and professional, but he couldn’t deny that he hadn’t thought of this side of Egon, better said, dreamed of Egon having a side like this. He knew Egon was a man of control, and rules, but he also knew Egon, like every man, had buttons.

And buttons, could be pressed.

“We’re alone for the day.” Alex reminded. Egon was so close their foreheads were pressed together. Eyes locked.

Egon froze at that, the only sound in the room was their heavy breathing. He felt Alex's body pressed up against him, his heart pounding in his ears. His lips were mere centimeters apart, now. And he was suddenly hit with a wave of...nerve? Fear? Excitement?

Finally, Egon's mind won the war within.

"God damn it, it's taking every ounce of self control I have right now not to just start ripping you apart with my teeth..." he said, eyes darker than before.

Oh.

A little crazy.

Alex could work with a little crazy.

“Please-” let it never be said that Alex was above begging, because he wasn’t. Especially not for Egon. He would beg for Egon to call him worthless and pathetic. He would beg for Egon to spit on him. Egon being nice to him? Practically as strong as cocaine straight to the brain.

Alex leaned forward and clumsily brushed his lips against Egon’s for a mere second before pulling back, mouth slightly open, eyes lidded. He wanted Egon to want this as much as him. He wanted Egon to want him.

Egon stared into Alex's eyes, his heart racing a thousand miles a minute. Just seeing Alex's lips meet his, even for just one brief contact, sent a jolt of pure euphoria through his entire body. He'd never realized just how much he'd wanted this...how much he'd wanted Alex, until this very moment.

Finally, he did it. Before he had a chance to second guess his actions, Egon let his instincts take over. He leaned forward and pulled Alex back into him with one firm and quick motion. He then proceeded to take over this kiss…

Alex gasped into the kiss. He wasn’t expecting Egon to be this rough, but he guessed there was a certain aspect of desperation on both of their ends. Egon felt like he was devouring him. Alex’s knees felt like they were going to buckle, and he was lowering slowly, slowly, with pathetic little noises as Egon kissed the breath out of him.

He broke for a second, as Egon leaned over him, pushing his back into the chair, legs straddling it weakly. “Eg-“ he gasped as Egon went in for another kiss, just as hungry as the last. Alex broke away again, more determinedly “I’ve wanted this for so long. So, so, long…” his legs still weak, he leaned into Egon’s chest and arms, holding him.

Egon was in almost as much of a stupor as Alex, that little bit he'd tasted of him before had sent his heart soaring to new heights. His whole body felt alive, every single nerve. He couldn't believe how much he had wanted this, how badly he'd want to take it even further. But right now, was just the two of them, alone, the downstairs door locked.

As Alex spoke, Egon squeezed him harder by instinct alone. It was only making him yearn for much, much more…

“How long?” Alex asked between kisses. His right knee gave out and he felt Egon pull away. He made a weak noise of protest as Egon’s body pulled from his, until he realized he was being pulled with it and spun around. Suddenly, he found himself being picked up by the hips and sat gingerly and quickly onto the edge of the table, legs straddled and Egon standing in between. He kissed Alex again, tongue slipping into his mouth. He obviously didn’t seem content with the position though, too far, as he broke apart again soon after to grab Alex’s hips and yank him toward Egon’s standing ones, legs locking behind his back.

“Since when?” Alex asked again. “When did you know?” He felt drunk as Egon moved to kiss his jawline.

Egon smirked when he realized what Alex was actually asking him. To have someone this sharp, this witty being so...weak in your hands was an incredibly intoxicating experience. But the time to pick was over, now was all about play.

"God I don't know...it's been a while." Egon moved back in to capture Alex's mouth once again, holding onto his hips for dear life. "Since I started to want to see the sides of you that weren't professional, that weren't strictly business...I wanted to see exactly how human you could be."

“I’ve wanted you since that day in January. The one where we had the poltergeist in the-ah!” Alex winced as Egon moved to his neck and bit at a sensitive spot just under his ear, soft tender flesh. “S-since, that day- when- when you came back to the lab in your- your lab clothes all-” Alex’s left hand, the stronger of the two, came up to grasp at the dress shirt stretched over Egon’s back, “and th-they were all singed and dusty, and you were covered in- mmhp- sweat, and you didn’t even look at me when you-you” Egon kissed Alex to shut him up briefly, and for a moment there was nothing but the noise of soft, labored breathing and the creaking of the wooden table as they pressed against one another, but eventually Egon let him go in favor of biting at his neck again. “You- you didn’t even look at me, just rolled, rolled up your sleeves and went to work in your lab. All serious, brow furrowed, covered in grime but still wanting to get data while- ah- it’s fresh-“ Alex smiled remembering it. He still felt fuzzy and the memory was still fresh. “You’re incredibly toned for a scientist did- did you know that?” Alex asked in a breathy voice. “You have a great- great body.”

Egon huffed a laugh against his neck.

Egon couldn't help but feel his ego inflate and his cheek turn red from Alex's compliment. He'd never considered just how toned his body was, especially with his lack of exercise and all his nerdy, intellectual pursuits. As Alex rambled on, Egon couldn't help but get more turned on.

He smirked as he bit down on Alex's neck again and felt his lips twitch against it, as if Alex was moaning.

"I think you might be the first person in a while who's actually taken the time to notice..."

“How could I not?” Alex asked. Egon had momentarily paused his nipping and chewing to lift his head and look up at Alex. His big, dark eyes were even darker than usual and it was hard to see where his pupil and iris even separated.

He looked, almost animal with it.

Alex had never seen a not very methodically, almost scientifically, controlled side of Egon. This made some part of Alex’s hindbrain flicker with a warmth he had only felt on lonely nights he spent fantasizing with his own hand and brain.

Egon smirked and tilted his head up as he looked at Alex's face, that perfect, beautiful, wonderful face that had eluded him and teased him for so long. He just couldn't get enough. Every part of his body was tingling with pleasure and desire. He wanted nothing more than to take Alex right here and right now.

"You look beautiful." Egon said it sincerely, truly believing every word of it. But then he leaned up and whispered, his voice a mischievous and enticing husk. "I'm going to make you even more beautiful..."

Alex complied limply. Whatever Egon wanted. Alex felt himself slipping quietly under into that mindset he loved so much. He didn’t need control. He trusted Egon. Whatever he wanted. He knew best. He wanted to make him proud. He wanted to do whatever would make Egon happy.

Alex reached his neck desperately towards Egon and caught one last desperate kiss with a small sound before he finally gave in and let Egon do whatever he wished.

As he watched Alex willingly yield to him, Egon couldn't help but smirk. The look on his face was just as he pictured: submissive, trusting, almost worshiping. He couldn't wait to push the limits of this power and see just how desperate his new lab assistant and lover was.

So Egon did just that, pushing Alex's shirt up and kissing his collarbone, slowly making his way up to his neck again. He bit and nibbled at his collar bone, all while rubbing his hands along Alex's back and hips.

“Ah!” Alex gasped. He was particularly sensitive on his hips, and once Egon knew, he used it devilishly. His thumb ran a steady back and forth rhythm over a ridge in his V-line, making Alex shiver. Another hand curled possessively over Alex’s back and made him preen with a particularly fiery feeling in his chest. Alex continued making weak and steady noises as Egon worked over his collarbone, biting and kissing everywhere he could reach, hands moving to grasp the skin he couldn’t cover with his mouth.

The power and the control that he was asserting over Alex was making Egon feel like he was in some kind of haze, like he was just floating around in a sea of bliss, a euphoric dream that he didn't want to ever end.

The way Alex reacted to his touch made his own heart skip a beat, hearing him make those soft little sounds as he nibbled just so slightly harder on his neck and collarbone. It was pushing all his buttons, making him want so much more…

“Please-” Alex begged, not entirely sure what exactly he was begging for. Whatever Egon would give him. Whatever Egon thought he deserved. Alex’s hands, at one point limp around Egon’s waist, now were clenched tightly into his shirt and his hair, respectively, as Alex’s body curled into Egon’s.

Egon shivered again as he heard Alex beg him, heard him pleading for more.

This was exactly what he had been dreaming of. A completely submissive Alex, one who would let Egon take control completely, one who would gladly turn over every inch of his body to Egon for...for whatever Egon wanted.

It was such a turn on that Egon couldn't even form whole sentences, his thoughts were getting the best of him and his body was ready to take...no, to take control.

“Whatever you want.” Alex wanted more. Whatever Egon would give him. He laid flat on the table as Egon pulled away and surveyed him quickly, eyes flitting across his body as a whole, flushed, shirt pushed up, hands clutching feverishly at the flat table finding nothing to grab on to.

Egon smirked, loving the look of desperation on Alex's face, knowing that he was completely and utterly at his mercy now. And as Egon looked over him, his eyes trailing up and down his body, it was like Alex's features became bolder, brighter, more handsome. He looked like a perfect specimen to him, to the point where Egon almost couldn't take his eyes off of him.

"I'm going to make your day today..."

“What are you going to do?” Alex asked, although he really didn’t need to know. He was okay with whatever. As long as Egon was happy with him, he’d do it.

Egon brushed a hand along the side of Alex’s stomach and Alex made a little hurt, punched out noise from his gut and curled into the touch, but it was gone almost as fast as it appeared.

"Just...just close your eyes for me and stay still for a minute." Egon's voice was heavy, and slightly out of breath. He was almost desperate himself, he needed this just as much as Alex, and he was willing to do whatever it took to make Alex want him and love him for the rest of his life.

Alex could almost physically feel Egon's desire in the air, his need for more, seeping off from him as it grew with every passing second. Egon's body was trembling, his breath quick and shallow.

”Okay…” Alex swallowed for the first time in a while, finding his mouth dry but his lips slick with spit. He felt slightly debauched, but he preened at the knowledge that it was Egon who made him this way. Only for Egon.

He sat patiently and waited for whatever Egon had next.

Egon watched as Alex closed his eyes, watching him with baited breath and a deep seated hunger his lips were practically quivering with desire. And as he watched, the hunger inside him only grew more intense.

Quickly, his hands traced along the top of Alex's body, down his sides, all the way down to his thighs, caressing and teasing his body, making sure there wasn't a single inch missed.

Alex whimpered. He felt crazed. Egon’s hands felt so large and warm, almost feverish. Everywhere he touched felt like it was melting. Alex was practically drunk off the feeling as he squirmed with every new press into tender flesh that Egon figured out could make him writhe.

Just the sound of Alex's squirms was enough for Egon to get worked up even more, each touch and each squeeze of his body had him trembling with desire, his body quivering with excitement, ready to explode out in a fit of sheer pleasure.

Egon's hands moved faster, his touches more firm. He was determined to tease every last ounce of sound out of him that he could.

“Please, enough teasing!” Alex begged. He was almost crying now. His heart has been racing this entire time. He still had one more secret to tell Egon and the longer the foreplay went on, the more nervous he got about telling him.

Hearing that voice break out in tears in response to his touches only sparked more hunger in Egon's chest, but when he heard the pleading come from Alex's mouth, that was enough to cause the last pieces of resistance to crumble. He had to. No more teasing, no more playing, this was the real deal. He needed him now.

"All right, yes, I will, just...just let me-" Egon said, but his words were cut short by his own mouth coming down hard against Alex's.

Alex moaned loudly. Perhaps the loudest one yet as Egon’s hands grabbed his hips and seared him against his pelvis firm. He could feel…a certain hardness against his leg as Egon’s tongue explored his mouth and practically stole his oxygen away.

Egon groaned into the kiss, the sound rumbling up from deep in his chest. He couldn't hold himself back much longer now, the only thing on his mind was getting more. More of this perfect body, more of the sound of his pleas and whimpers.

Egon's hand moved downwards, squeezing firmly and squeezing Alex tighter against him. It was all he could do to keep himself from pushing him down and taking what he wanted right then and there.

As Egon’s hand moved downward, Alex’s hand suddenly shot out and grabbed his wrist in a moment of blind panic and clarity. It shocked Alex as much as it did Egon and for a moment they both simply stared at one another, panting, flushed.

“Egon…Eg-I’m…” Alex started, trying to word something but seemingly choking on it. “I need to tell you something before…before we do anything else.” Alex’s heart was in his throat. He thought he wouldn’t even get past the admission of him being bisexual, he didn’t know how to breech this. “Egon…I’m transgender.” Alex swallowed, throat tight with want as much as it was with fear.

Egon froze, hand still in mid air when he heard the words coming out of Alex's mouth. His breathing stopped, his heart beating out of his chest, it was a miracle that he didn't fall off of the table he was sitting on. Egon just stared, his mind whirring a million miles a second, trying to process what Alex had just told him.

All movement stopped.

God.

He’d ruined it.

Ruined it.

Alex’s face burned with embarrassment. He knew Egon wouldn’t want him after this. He just thought…he doesn’t know what he thought…that in some miracle Egon would accept him?

His face burns with more than embarrassment, with shame.

He gets ready for Egon to push off and potentially even hit him. For baiting him. For being…a freak.

"Say that again."

It wasn't the reply Alex expected. It wasn't words that expressed disgust or anger or shame, but something deeper- something that spoke volumes to the depth of his emotions for him. Egon was breathless, his mind a million miles a second, but the intensity of the words in his throat were only getting stronger. He needed to hear it one more time to make sure he wasn't just hearing things.

Alex swallowed.

“I’m…I’m transgender.” He said, voice barely above a whisper.

His hand gripped the table’s edge, he could reach it from where Egon had pulled him closer to his hips. He was sweating, both from being hot, so so hot, pressed up against Egon, but also from nerves and anxiety chewing at his gut.

Egon's stomach flipped, his heart racing as blood rushed to every inch of his body. His mind was completely overwhelmed by the news he was just told, and he felt the heat and the intensity growing inside him again. But this time it was mixed with something new, with a hunger that he's never experienced before.

"Just one question..." Egon asked, his voice thick and heavy with desire and love. His body was trembling with need now, his heart ready to explode into sparks and flames.

”Yeah?” Alex whimpered.

Egon reached forward, grabbing Alex's wrist, pulling him closer, almost into a hug so he could whisper something in his ear.

"Are you a man?"

”Yes” Alex squeezed his eyes shut and whispered. Egon was so close.

"That's all I care about."

Egon's breath was so hot and heavy as he spoke, it felt like his words were igniting the room. He finally let go of Alex's wrist, his body trembling uncontrollably as all the desire he felt before seemed to have reached its peak. He was ready to take him, to mold him into whatever shape he found most desirable.

Jesus.

Alex felt like he was going to pass out. Or die. Maybe both.

His head was practically spinning. Egon’s hands grabbed his hips harder and slid down, brushing the waistband of his pants slightly further, exposing his hips and the beginning of a small happy trail.

He could cry.

He was so happy.

He was crying he realized. Tears slipped from his eyes as Egon began biting at his collarbone again.

Egon was like a heat seeking missile, his mouth, his lips, his teeth moving to whatever place he could find that would generate the most response out of Alex. He couldn't get enough of him, his lips trailing down his neck, down to his shoulders, his hand caressing his hips as he slowly pulled him even closer so he could bite, and bite, and scratch, and maul, and love every inch of him like he was a starving animal after the meal that had been denied him for months on end.

”Egon-“ Alex whimpered. His hands clawed at the thin fabric stretched over Egon’s back. He had money to afford the expensive thick type, Alex knew exactly what he was getting paid, but he also knew Egon preferred practical. Something he loved about him. He wasn’t afraid to come back to the lab dripping in ectoplasm or singed with soot.

In fact, maybe now Alex would finally have an excuse to get all those ruined cheap shirts off him.

Alex kissed at Egon’s mouth when he could. Brief, wet, desperate kisses.

Egon's mind was filled with nothing but Alex now, the sweet sound of his cries, the feel of his fingernails digging into his back, the way his body fit so neatly against his own....he couldn't go back, he didn't want to, he didn't intend on letting go of him until he finally saw him broken, broken and his, his alone.

Egon's desire continued to grow with every passing second, his breath getting heavier, his movements becoming more aggressive. He needed more.

“Whatever you want. Do whatever- I Just- ah - I need more” Alex pleaded. He knew it was pathetic. Begging to be taken, especially by someone he admired so much. He wanted Egon to think he was an equal, someone to be taken seriously. Not just some…whore. Something cheap to be broken.

But…maybe…just maybe…

He would like to be Egon’s anything.

He could be Egon’s plaything if he wanted. He’d bend.

He’s submit. He’d even let Egon break him, as long as he put him back together at the end.

And he would.

Because he knew Egon.

He trusted Egon.

So…

“More” he begged.

Egon's mind was just pure adrenaline now, thoughts coming one after another like a machine gun firing. Thoughts of him, of how he made this boy want him so desperately, how he trusted him so much that he'd let him do anything, even let him break him...it was everything he'd ever dreamed of and now that it was actually a reality it was all he could think about.

Egon's hands slid down to his back, gripping him harder, pulling him closer as his breath got heavier and heavier…

Alex bucked his hips against Egon, and the sweet friction that was there for less than a second lit a spark in his mind. He felt like goo. He was a specimen. All for Egon.

Now that he thought about it…he wouldn’t mind being examined like a subject. Put on display for the doctor.

Alex shivered at the thought.

“I really-really want you” Alex breathed, clutching at him.

Egon's movements slowed down as he saw how much he was affecting Alex now, how his actions were making the man absolutely tremble with desire and need. He savored the feeling, enjoying the feeling of his own dominance and the power it gave him. He could make Alex do anything, make him do anything he wanted…

"I want you bad..." Egon breathed, his voice heavy and thick with need as his mouth came down to Alex's neck, kissing and nipping along the way. Egon was trembling all over now.

”Then do something about it,” Alex bit, and leaned back baring his neck to Egon who bit it with a feverish intensity.

Egon moaned, the sound echoing in his ears as he bit and nicked along the sensitive areas on Alex's neck.

"What do you think I'm doing right now?"

Egon's grip on him had begun to loosen, but it was only so he could move one of his hands around to push Alex's hips forward and make him buck even harder against him.

“AH!” Alex jumped as one of Egon’s hands slid down his back and into the back of his pants. It cupped flesh, squeezing. Alex rocked against the touch, his front brushing against Egon’s feeling just how excited he was by this.

“I want more though…” Alex pawed at Egon’s neatly tucked shirt, finally managing to ruck the back up enough to grab skin just on the small of his back. He tried to pull him closer. “There are beds just a few rooms away you know…” Alex bit at Egon’s ear and got an almost growl-like sound in response.

Egon's mouth left his neck as he heard his ear being nipped on, making his grip on him tight again. He'd been thinking the same thing, the pull of their bodies together was too much to pass up.

"You know what? You're right..." Egon murmured, the only sound the deep breathing of the both of them as Egon began to push Alex towards the beds, eager for the chance to give him everything he wanted.

Alex stumbled blindly, stupidly, towards the bunk room. He knew which bed was Egon’s, and was suddenly thankful for the twin size, as it meant they would have to be as close as possible.

“Egon…” Alex breathed as he stumbled backwards onto the bed, Egon’s hands cupping his jaw. Alex begun to work on pulling the front of Egon’s shirt out of his slacks.

Egon's heart was pounding in his chest, the sound just loud and heavy in his head as he watched Alex start to pull down his shirt. His mouth was dry as all of the blood had rushed to his lower half at this point, making his entire body feel hot all over. He was practically shaking with every touch of Alex's hands as he held himself back at the moment. He could let himself go later, he had to wait just a few more seconds…

”Can I?” Alex asked, practically doe eyed as he looked up at Egon, flushed with lips wet with spit.

His hands fumbled with the zipper of Egon’s pants and the buckle of his belt. This was the only time he cursed how perfectly dressed Egon was. It got in his way of what he really wanted right now.

"Oh... oh yes.”

Egon's entire body was trembling in anticipation, his entire being was just craving for anything he could get from Alex and now to think that he was going to let him take off his pants to get to him....he was not going to last long if this continued.

Alex deftly and quickly undid Egon’s belt and zipper with a speed that told Egon he had done this before, and a primal, stupid part of Egon’s brain flared with jealousy. He wanted to kill whoever taught Alex that. Alex was his.

Alex yanked Egon’s slacks down and his briefs along with it. Quickly, he nosed along the V of Egon’s hips with the ferocity of a starved animal. He licked and kissed anywhere he could get his mouth to.

Egon couldn't stop the guttural sound of pleasure that came from his mouth, his legs wobbling with every touch of Alex's tongue and mouth. His breath was heavy and sharp, his body trembling with the intense desire now coursing through him.

Alex’s hands moved to cover whatever he couldn’t get with his mouth. He wanted this to be good for Egon. He wanted to be good for Egon. He made sure to keep his teeth out of the way, using his tongue mostly. He was still shy, new at this despite the fever with which he undressed Egon.

Suddenly, he felt a heavy pressure on the back of his head.

Egon’s hand.

Egon shoved ever so lightly, forcing Alex to go lower. He had to breathe through his nose now, which was new. His eyes watered up again, threatening to spill.

He liked this Egon though. This new, dominant, side. He liked the pressure of his hand, he liked being told what to do.

Egon's breathing was hot and heavy as he pushed Alex lower to him, his breath rushing out of his mouth with a guttural hiss as he pushed him lower and lower and lower. He needed what Alex was giving him now more than anything he had felt before. He wanted it, needed it, his entire body was trembling in a mixture of anticipation and pleasure, he was close, and he was close very very quickly.

Alex could feel Egon tensing up. He didn’t want this to end so soon but he didn’t know whether or not Egon wanted to go…that far with him.

Egon’s hand released up on his head slightly. Gently, the same hand came to brush sweaty hair behind Alex’s ear.

Egon was hot in Alex’s mouth. Like melting velvet. Alex could stay here forever, warm and fuzzy, doing whatever Egon says. Whatever makes him make the sounds he’s making now.

"Stop..." Egon breathed, his voice was thick and heavy as it was hard for him to get the words out. He was too close now, he needed to keep control of himself for just a little longer, to hold back a bit before he blew this early.

"Look at me." Egon hissed through his teeth as he grabbed Alex's hair and pulled him back up to his face like a demanding master grabbing his pet's leash.

Alex almost choked, pulling quickly off of Egon. His hands were strong, and huge compared to Alex’s face. It was a pretty picture for Egon. A flushed and hazed Alex, back arched, shirt ruffled and pushed up, midriff showing.

“Egon-“ Alex’s voice was hoarse. There was still spit connecting him to Egon.

Alex’s hands drifted to Egon’s thighs. He felt bad, he’d have to wash these slacks for Egon later. He was pretty sure he was going to have to wash this entire bed later.

"Put your hair back" Egon demanded, using all his strength to keep himself from grabbing Alex and pulling him back down for more.

He couldn't see anything else right now other than Alex. He wanted him. He needed him to be his.

Alex’s hair was short so he simply tucked it behind his ear. He blinked up at Egon and got the cue as Egon began tearing at the buttons of Alex’s shirt.

“Ah!-“ Alex tried to protest his shirt being destroyed but Egon simply kissed him and pushed him further up the bed towards his pillows.

“I’ll buy you a new one-“ Egon mended as he pulled the scrap off of Alex’s back and began working to undo his pants, still almost fully dressed himself.

Egon was now barely thinking, he'd let his desire take absolute control of him. He was practically ripping off Alex's pants out of the pure desire to be able to see more of his body. It was almost animalistic the way he was moving now, he couldn't even see straight. All he knew was that it was time to take Alex as his own, to possess him completely.

“Please-“ Alex coughed as he broke away from Egon to paw weakly at his pants, slug around his hips.

Egon kissed him animalistically.

”Baby,” Alex whined. The blood rushed straight to Egon’s lower half.

"Please what?" Egon said, his hands moving to pin down Alex's hands, taking charge of the situation now. He knew a guy like this didn't want to be in charge. The way Alex had been acting so shyly earlier, the way he'd begged Egon to take control made it clear he was just too…overwhelmed to have any kind of power in this situation. Egon let his mouth roam over his neck, gently scratching and biting wherever he thought would get a reaction out of him.

Alex’s breath was coming in shallow puffs now. His eyes rolled back in his head as Egon continued to make dark marks around his neck. He wouldn’t be able to cover them, they’d know. They’d know he was Egon’s.

“Please- doctor!” Alex begged. Egon’s hand roamed up Alex’s lower half, now completely open to him.

Egon stopped, his hands drifting down to his hips again to grip them. He liked how Alex's eyes rolled back into his head as he called him doctor. It made his heart beat to think that Alex would want him to be his doctor, even if it was just for this moment, because that was exactly the title he wanted right now. He wanted to do experiments on him, to see the inside of him, to break him down into all of his pieces, then putting him together again like a puzzle to make him exactly what he needed.

“Take me…” Alex swallowed, mouth dry, “Take me apart…” He finally managed to pull his lovers pants completely off and his shirt as well, leaving him in the same state as Alex.

He was glad the fire house was warm. Hot, even.

Maybe that was just them two.

Egon's entire body shivered at that one sentence. It was as though he could feel the heat radiate off of his own body, his heart beating so quickly that it almost hurt him.

This boy, Alex, he was exactly what Egon needed. Maybe not just for a few nights, but for forever.

"Then I will take you apart..." Egon said, it was almost a threat. No one else was getting him, he was his.

“Please,” Alex kissed Egon as he felt him move. This position was similar to the table, except now Egon towered even more-so over him.

They hadn’t grabbed any sort of…help…for this. It was just them. Bare. Alex hoped Egon was fine with that. He was on the pill after all.

“I want you-“ Egon kissed Alex to shut him up and moved. He felt hot. Much hotter than anything or anybody Alex had been with before. And his body was, larger. He covered Alex’s whole chest, and he could feel one of Egon’s hands tracing one of his top surgery scars.

Egon shivered again, his body shaking with both the desire he was feeling and the thought that there was nothing to stop them from going all the way, no condoms or contraception, nothing at all. He wanted to take Alex and to make him his, on every level.

Alex's scars were just a bonus to him, something he liked to see on another's body as it told more about who they were. He would always appreciate the scars Alex got, because it made him know Alex even more.

“I don’t need…prep,” Alex breathed. He flushed with the admission but it was true. He watched as the realization suck into Egon’s face and he grinned, devilish.

“Yeah?” Egon asked, petting Alex’s side sweetly. It amazed him how even in such heated moments like this Egon could be so sweet and shy.

“Was thinking of you while I…” Alex admitted in a breathy, sort of out of control voice before he could even think about what he was saying.

"You were?" Egon whispered back, his voice full of shock, it seemed almost impossible that Alex would think of him at all when he was alone.

"Just me?"

Egon's hands began to make their way over Alex's body again, stroking down his sides as he watched for his reaction.

“Only you.” Alex moaned as Egon’s hand teased him.

“Wanted to be Yours” Alex purred. He kissed the bridge of Egon’s nose, something he knew the other man was sensitive about, but to Alex, he loved it, it was strong and regal just like the man it was attached to.

"Oh..." Egon breathed as he heard Alex moaning and kissing his nose, he could feel his heart skipping a beat at that admission. No one had ever said anything like that to him before, he didn't expect anyone to ever tell him that they wanted him, let alone only him. His entire body was trembling now as he felt a rush of emotions all at once.

He lowered his face back to Alex's and kissed him deeply, unable to help himself at all.

“Please, please need you now, needed you yesterday,” Alex began to whine, clawing at Egon’s back freely now. He was sure he would leave faint red marks in his wake. He wanted to mark Egon as much as Egon wanted to mark him.

He drew his legs around Egon’s back and pulled him closer into his hips, barely pulling him in.

Alex grit his teeth. He was so hot. He felt like he had a fever.

Egon groaned at that as his grip on Alex tightened, his breath coming out sharp and heavy as he pressed himself into him with everything he had. His heart was racing and he could feel his vision blurring at the heat now, he was so worked up that it was becoming difficult to keep steady because everything that Alex was doing was sending him straight to the breaking point.

Alex’s whines and moans took a sharp turn into a higher register as Egon pushed home. It felt insane. He felt like he was full to his throat. He wanted to spend and entire eon here in Egon’s arms.

Egon’s moans took a lower register however, as he braced one arm bracketing Alex’s head, hair flung widely out onto the pillow behind him. Alex’s arm flew up to claw at Egon’s nape.

It reminded him of how this started, Egon’s finger slowly drawing up and down his head.

Alex felt drunk. Egon felt powerful.

Egon could feel Alex's back arching as he pushed deeper and deeper, each movement making Egon feel more and more dominant, more and more in control of Alex. He could hear the other man growling and moaning with each thrust as it drove him close to his limit, but Egon couldn't stop himself, he wanted even more.

”Egon- Doctor- I’m so close” Alex breathed. His eyes were brimmed with tears as Egon pushed against a spot inside him that made him see stars. His hand gripped into Egon’s back further, and he was sure his nails were breaking skin as he dug into him and pulled him closer, kissing him harder, teeth biting lips and clacking into each other.

Egon's lips were still locked to his, his mouth moving even as his body shivered at the pressure from Alex's hand. He was on the verge of losing it completely, he needed this release more than anything right now because he had come so far. He'd be lying if he said his actions weren't a bit selfish, but no matter what his intentions were, his mind wasn't thinking like that right now, all he could think about was taking more and more.

“Egon.” Alex’s voice tumbled into a softer tone without even meaning to. “I thi-uh-” he made stupid little punched out noises with every movement. Egon gripped his hand that was on his back and pinned it to the pillows behind his head with his own. He felt just as hot as Alex, if not more so.

“I think- think I’m in-“ Alex gasped and made a long pathetic cry as Egon slowly moved and held his position against him. “ITHINKIMINLOVEWITHYOU-” Alex jumbled out in a moment of happiness and haze induced fog as Egon, the man of his dreams, the guy he’s wanted for so so long, holds him and kisses him and presses into him.

Egon shivered at that admission, his chest feeling as though it were being crushed from the sudden rush of emotions that came from Alex's words. He couldn't even think right now, he wasn't thinking of anything other than this moment, this man he had wanted for so long was in his arms telling him that he loved him. Egon squeezed the boy tighter as he finally released him from the pressure and finally allowed himself to just rest his weight on top of Alex, holding him close.

Alex felt Egon tense, and one of his large hands came to grip Alex’s lower half. He pulled, and a few strokes later Alex’s back bowed and his eyes rolled and he made an absolutely pathetic whimper as he folded.

He was Egon’s.

Egon shivered again, his jaw was clenched tight as he tried to get everything under control and stop his entire world from shaking. Now that he had Alex here, he wasn't going to let him go. He was only his, he was finally his and Egon had never felt this good before as he felt a rush of pride flow through him. He would have to wait to ask if it was just a heat-of-the-situation statement or if it was the real thing, but right now it didn't matter. All he could think of was that he had him.

Egon felt heavy on top of Alex as he laid there after the fact. Alex didn’t have the strength to move him. He really didn’t think he wanted to move him. He felt… warm and full and he really had never been happier. He had the man he loved in bed with him…shit, he had just made love to the man he loved. Alex felt like he may explode despite being so wrung out.

He could still feel Egon’s hands rubbing softly at his hips, even despite him being exhausted. Alex felt a different part of him warm, his heart. Even despite everything Egon was still thinking of him first.

Egon didn't try to move either, he felt so incredibly content just laying on top of Alex, his body pressed firmly against him. Egon's fingers were still tracing over his hips, he couldn't get enough of the boy beneath him. He'd never felt like this before, Alex had a hold on him he didn't think he would ever have over anyone, in this moment he had finally been taken by someone, he had finally been possessed and he wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep with Alex in his arms.

”Egon.” Alex whispered a few minutes after their breathing had calmed down. Egon had shifted slightly to get off of Alex’s chest.

“I love you.” Alex breathed as Egon played with his hair.

He felt Egon smile against his shoulder.

"I love you too."

Egon's reply was simple, but he meant it with all his heart as he shifted off of him, laying beside him now. He was so comfortable and so content with him, he wanted to hold him this way for the rest of his life and he honestly didn't want to be anywhere else right now. His arm snaked around and wrapped tightly around him as he brought him closer to himself, holding him close while his finger played with the hair at the back of his head.

Alex nuzzled into Egon’s neck. He shivered as the last of Egon pulled out.

“Do ya’ think we could sleep here?” Alex asked, already sleepy. Egon had tired him out, and he was still partially in that fuzzy state in between conscious and pliable.

Egon’s hand wrapped further around him. He was warm and still slightly tacky with sweat.

Egon shivered as he felt Alex nuzzle into him again, he couldn't help but give a soft chuckle when he heard his request to sleep together, he was already getting used to being Alex's pillow.

"Yes, I do."

He was tired too and he let himself drift off with his body pressed against Alex's, his arm keeping him close even when his eyes were starting to shut and his heart was trying to slow back down.

Alex fell asleep peacefully and quickly that night. It was nice. He felt completely comfortable for once. He had half the mind to pull his boxers and Egon’s shirt on before completely drifting off and forcing Egon to at least pull his boxers on as well.

He was glad he did, because somehow both of them forgot to set any sort of clock beside any bedside table, and by the time Venkman got to the firehouse the next day, they had just enough time to hear the door on the first floor open to be able to wake up and rush to get things ready.

Egon sat up slowly when he heard the firehouse door slam open from the lower floor. He looked around, seeing Alex pull on his boxers next to him.

He had to be dreaming still because Alex had spent the entire night with him. Egon was already slipping on pants by then and Alex was up as well.

They both looked half dressed but it was enough to not raise suspicions that they had been with each other. For all Peter knew, Egon had simply spent the night in the lab and Alex had had a particularly good date. They shuffled blearily into the kitchenette, and belatedly, Alex realized all of Egon’s work was still across the table. He hoped it could survive a night of no refrigeration, he would’ve hated to have ruined all of his hard work. He didn’t look worried, so Alex was not panicked just yet.

Instead, Egon headed to the kitchen and started pulling down some pancake mix and a bowl from a higher shelf than Alex couldn’t usually get to without going on his tip-toes, and grabbing a pan from under the sink.

Alex sat at the same chair he had been accosted in last night and watched intensely. Egon looked so domestic. He had to borrow extra sweats and an old college hoodie in his locker here since his clothes were ruined last night. He was lucky enough to have another work outfit in his locker. So he didn’t have the luxury of pretending like the two of them had truly spent a night together like a real couple.

Even though they did.

Finally.

Instead, he was already internally preparing to make up some story about someone else if Peter asked about his neck. Thankfully, Alex was smart enough to keep any marks he left on Egon where only he could see them.

Egon was focused on his cooking, he'd made pancakes here a few times before but he was determined to make this a good breakfast for Alex, now that they were actually official.

He was too focused on that to notice just how much Alex was staring at him, watching him like a predator would prey.

It was a nice feeling to know he had this kind of attention. He finally looked over at him though and smirked at the sight before going back to cooking.

Alex knew he had to tear his attention away before Venkman came up here and caught on to something. He was half worried that the place still reeked of sex.

He had quickly thrown the sheets of his and every other bed into the washer with the help of Egon, along with their clothes.

In all terms, nothing was left of evidence.

But Alex kinda wanted there to be.

He really, really liked Egon.

Watching him cook pancakes, for him and Alex, providing like this without being asked, warmed his heart a little bit and he had to catch himself before his brain took off with the thought and started imagining 10 years in the future, to mornings just like this, except maybe with a few little feet running around.

Egon was actually feeling warm at the looks Alex was giving him, it made him feel good that Alex was looking at him like this, that he could make this guy so happy. Egon didn't think of the future, he was just focused on this moment, on making these pancakes. Once he had the batter properly mixed he set the bowl down and pulled out the frying pan, beginning to heat it with grease.

Alex didn’t think anything could ruin his mood today.

That was, almost.

After Egon had finished his pancakes, they had both eaten just as Peter finally came upstairs to see them. Apparently he had stopped to check on the car before coming up, so they had more time than they thought.

They conversed casually, and sure enough, as Alex bit into another bite of his pancakes, he watched Peter eye his neck suspiciously.

“WHO gave you those things newsboy?” He asked, smirking.

Alex felt Egon’s leg tense against his, but he didn’t stop eating or show any other sign of being startled, so that was good.

“Just some girl from the bar…” Alex mumbled.

He didn’t know if Egon wanted to be open about it. He wished he had gotten to talk about it with him before everyone had shown up for work the next day. They had a scheduled go over of what they were going to do with the vault and its size soon.

But it was interrupted.

As soon as everyone had crowded around the breakfast nook upstairs, the alarms rang and Janine was yelling from downstairs about some high level poltergeist at the manhattan library. Suddenly, just as fast as they arrived, the boys had taken off in the van, all suited up.

Egon spared him a fleeting glance, and it was packed with a lot, before he had shuffled in and they had flipped the sirens on and pulled off.

Well.

He may as well get some work done for the rest of the day while they were gone.

Egon had caught an expression out of the corner of his eye from Peter and Alex's exchange that he didn't like, his jaw was clenching as they were interrupted, but there was no chance to dwell on it right now. He was more worried about Alex, hoping he wouldn't get into any kind of trouble from the lie he'd told. As Egon was going into the van he gave Alex a glimpse of a look that said 'I'll talk to you about it later' before being shut into the van with the rest of the team.

Alex had busied himself until the van had pulled up again late in the day.

It was a bad bust. At least a rough one.

There was a loud noise of the garage opening and the van pulled in with the boys in tow. They hoped out one by one.

Peter looked tired, already smoking. Ray was talking frantically to Winston who didn’t seem to be paying that much attention, talking about dinner. And finally, Egon folded himself out of the tight door and seemed to be almost…smoking.

Not, like. Attractive-ness wise.

Like, legitimately smoking.

As in on fire.

Alex rushed over to see what was wrong, but as he approached Egon simply held up the smoking ecto-trap, still steaming from a big catch. He smiled tiredly and looked down at Alex.

Egon looked exhausted and in need of a good shower at the moment, sweat and ash covered him and Alex couldn't find a clean spot on him if he tried. He was panting heavily the moment he made it out of the van since the last ghost they had encountered had been one hell of a fight. His eyes immediately locked with Alex's when he started running over towards him and his face lit up with that tired, sweet smile. He was grateful that the one person he actually wanted to see right now was there to see him.

Alex looked towards the rest of the boys. “Okay boys, beds are freshly made. Go shower and while you do that I’ll order your favorite Chinese takeout!” Alex declared and he could practically feel Egon melt under his touch on his back with his words.

With that, everyone scuddled off to busy themselves.

Egon's shoulders sagged the moment he heard that, his expression suddenly becoming much more relaxed and calm. As soon as the rest of the guys left the room he had wrapped his arms tightly around him again, burying his face down into the crook of his neck.

"I don't feel like you give yourself enough credit Alex, I'm always fed well here."

His words were tired and scratchy, but he was still smiling as he squeezed him tight.

Alex nuzzled back, only slightly bothered by the singed smell of his uniform. That would have to be fixed later.

“Go shower, big guy.” Alex shoved Egon gently off him and towards the showers with the rest of the guys. He wanted him to be clean and feeling good before he gave him a warm meal.

Egon reluctantly let himself be pushed away but he still made good use of the rest room as he stripped off his sweaty clothes and headed into the shower. It wasn't easy to wash the thick layer of sweat and ash from his skin this far in but he was able to at least get it to the point where he didn't smell like he'd been standing next to someone on fire. He got out of the shower after about 20 minutes and put on a clean set of clothes he had kept up here.

As he searched for clothes, he realized a sweater from earlier was missing. He’d have to ask Alex if he’d seen where it had gone, maybe in with the clothes that they ruined last night.

Egon smiled smugly at the thought.

And here everyone thought he had no game.

He shook his head.

It was more than that.

He really, really liked Alex. He felt connected to him, on a deeper level than he did with anybody else on the team. He wanted to come home to him after a long day of kicking ass and saving the world, knowing he was safe and happy.

Egon smiled at the thought happily as he appeared back in the kitchenette, empty save for you even though everyone else had gone off to shower before him.

Egon was content with this moment right now, he was home and he didn't have to worry about his team for a little while longer. And even if Alex was still going through his stuff, and stealing it to wear home, he didn't have any concerns.

"I'm back, how have you been holding up here?" He asked, walking into the kitchenette with a small, gentle smile as he leaned up against the counter. Egon just wanted to keep talking with Alex for a little while longer before they had to actually get busy with work things.

Alex opened one of 3 bags of Chinese food he had ordered while the rest of them were showering.

“I’m okay. That bust looked rough. Wanna’ talk about it?”

Alex asked, bumping his hip playfully against Egon’s in an attempt to keep the mood light even though he knew sometimes talking about scary or close-call busts made Egon get antsy.

Egon's face was still a little bit strained after the bust but he couldn't help but smile when he noticed Alex was trying to keep the mood light, Egon liked that part of him. He couldn't help but chuckle as Alex bumped his hip against him, he knew Alex was trying to help. When the topic of the bust came up, Egon tried to dismiss it.

"Oh it was nothing, the ghost was just a bit stronger than expected but it turned out fine. Don't worry about it."

Alex could tell he was dodging him, but he wasn’t going to push. Egon would come to him when he was ready.

Or, he maybe he could take out his stress with busts a different way now.

Either way, Alex didn’t mind for now.

Presently, he focused on getting the food out of the bags and cleaning Egon’s makeshift science lab off the and onto the counter.

Alex was glad. It looked like they had all survived the night and were doing fine. Egon didn’t seem fussed with him moving them either. Just watched, enraptured, leaning over the rest of the kitchen with arms folded as Alex moved methodically.

Egon's eyes kept on moving from his food to Alex and back again, that sweet smile never leaving his face as he admired the way he went about his work. Egon's stomach was rumbling now that that sweet smell was filling the kitchenette, the smell of the fresh food just making his stomach growl. His hand reached out to try and grab a piece of the food but each time he reached his hand out he stopped himself, not wanting to eat until Alex had a chance to eat something too.

Alex playfully batted at his hand. “Let me grab the others, they went to grab beers from the basement freezer.”

Alex swung himself quickly around the fire pole a few yards away and Egon watched him quickly drop out of view rolling his eyes.

Always dramatic.

Alex was the one that used that silly pole the most despite only being a desk jockey and a PR Princess for the team.

Egon chuckled a little bit as he watched Alex take the fire pole, as much as he thought it was a bit much he was more impressed that Alex could actually pull it off. Egon got too lost in his own thoughts to notice that Alex had left until he was back in just a minute or two with the other guys in tow.

Alex bounded up the stairs and gleefully placed a cold 6 pack down in the center. Janine was even in tow behind the rest of the guys.

Egon smiled gently. It was perfect. All his favorite people.

Alex brushed up against him, smiling with a specific warmth meant only for him.

He clapped his hands together happily. “Okay guys!” He addressed everyone and gestured to the wide spread of Chinese food in the center of the table, with the beer as the centerpiece. “Dig in!”

Egon felt like something had suddenly and unexpectedly popped into place in his life. Like something was just ever so slightly out of alignment, and in this particular moment it all became very, blindingly clear.

It was all perfect.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Final notes: woah!! Okay so that was a long story sorry everyone I have brainrot. Not responsible for my own actions but honestly we need more good ftm shit on this website so I took it upon myself. Hope everyone enjoyed but look out for more stuff soon because I finally feel like actually writing yayyyy :333

#x male reader #x male oc #x male character #x transmasc reader #x trans male reader #x trans reader #x reader #egon spengler #Egon Spengler x reader #Egon Spengler x male oc #ghostbusters #ghostbusters x reader #x gn reader #mad scientist #scientist x reader #doctor kink #medical kink #Spoz writes

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overandundertarot · 2 years ago

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How can you release this anger?

Recently, I've come to the realisation that I hold quite a lot of pent up anger without even knowing how to release it. I think this reading could be helpful to people who may be in a similar position, or just experiencing pent up emotions and are unsure how they could release this or start that process of transforming those emotions, if they want to.

Piles 1-4(left to right)

Pile 1

Cards; 6 of wands, Knight of swords.

Believe in yourself pile one! There is self doubt here, and pride brought about by trying to conceal insecurity. Act on your thoughts. A lot of this anger is towards yourself. I feel like you are perfectionists, and you dont like when you are not perfect according to your standards. Well, there's nothing you can do about that. You either have to develop yourself till you feel you're perfect enough( which will take quite a while and you may never reach your lofty aspirations for yourself) or take action now on whatever it is you want to do. I'm getting that it's not even related to the material world, but your personality or creative interests. You may feel like you are not the person that you should be, but instead of practicing any self development activities, you just spend alot of time having self deprecating thoughts. You may not be where you want to be, but that does not mean that you can never get there. Appreciate yourself for what you have and what you can do and allow yourself to indulge in your hobbies/ interests with less judgement.

Pile 2

Cards; The Sun, 2 of Swords, Page of Pentacles.

In any case pile 2, youre not supposed to be making a decison right now. Good things and opportunities are coming to you now but its overwhelming. I think that is where this anger is coming from, because you can't allow yourself to fully enjoy the present moment and be connected to your spirituality. So you are angered because you have a lot but it is still not enough. You have to force yourself to enjoy what you have right now pile 2, because all of the planning and deciding and moving forward is being used as a distraction. Of course, take this with a grain of salt and don't put your life on hold to try and attempt this. Start small, think about things in your daily life and what use they provide for you, do you appreciate them enough? Be in the present moment and appreciate what you have worked for. Some of you are also angered by the fact that you might not be able to find a direction in life. It will come in time; try to be connected with your desires and intentions so when the opportunity arises, you can make a decision that will trully make you happy.

Pile 3

Cards; The Emperor reversed, King of cups.

Your anger may stem from the fact that you may have never fit into society, particularly that you may have been too sensitive for other peoples tastes. Some of you may be a part of the lgbtq community as well. The way you express yourself garnered much criticism and you may care about issues that society doesn't like to face such as animal rights, environmentalism and child abuse. Emotional issues, childhood trauma. A lot of the people in this pile have heavily feminine energy, regardless of their gender. The way for pile 3 to release their anger would be to develop ways of managing their emotions. Unfortunately, the world is unlikely to change but we can find ways to regulate our emotions and work through our traumas so that we can be less affected by the harshness of society. Also, try to channel your anger and pain into creative pursuits such as writing, and even consuming more media concerning these issues that affect you. It may help you feel seen and understood.

Pile 4

Cards; The Tower reversed, Justice.

Pile 4 you have been resisting change for a while. By not allowing it to crumble, you have become a prisoner of the tower. Your anger is brought about by you not allowing yourself to feel your emotions fully. You're not letting go of something that happened in the past, or you're trying to keep a steady hold on your life right now, but it's failing. You can't control everything. To release this anger, accept what happened and move on. Take responsibility for your actions, what happened was a result of past actions and you can't change those. You either accept what happened, move on and try to create a better future for yourself, or stay in that tower and torment yourself forever. That sounded a bit dramatic but the messages coming through are quite firm, whatever happened you have to accept it and move on.

***

Thank you for participating in this Pick a Card reading!

I hope it gave you some insight for your situation. Please dont hesistate to give any feedback you may have regarding this reading!

#tarot pick a card #tarot reading #tarotblr #tarot #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a card #pac #divination #intuitive reading #free readings #free tarot reading #pick a pile #tarot pick a pile

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tc-doherty · 11 months ago

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@bluejay-in-flight

I'm not sure if this is going to be helpful to you and it's kind of ramble-y but! Here's what I have to say about me and first drafts, and some suggestions as to how to enjoy them more:

For me personally, I write because I love the act of writing so first drafts are super fun but editing is work and is more difficult for me

I don't plan a lot! I plan as little as possible in fact. Planning is work too, and writing is about having fun!

What I love about writing first drafts is the chaos and the creativity and the freedom to be super messy and super silly and slapdash, it's about discovering things about my characters and groping my way forward and seeing what I can come up with!

I personally love writing stuff that sucks LMAO I love writing trash. I am in love with the process of pure creative nonsense and writing things that no one is ever going to see and not having to be perfect or polished because that's what editing is for!

Although you like editing (at least more than writing a first draft) you said that you still struggle with perfectionism and I suppose you should try to figure out why that's the case.

I don't have very many pieces of writing advice but some of the ones that I do live by is "write it now, fix it later" and "it's always okay to write the stupidest possible version". The first draft only exists to get the story out there, and the editing exists to make it look like you knew what you were doing all along.

Do you share your first drafts with people? Would you be embarrassed for them to see something unpolished? If not then I think you should maybe try to find a way to be a little kinder with yourself. To cut yourself more slack. There's certainly something to be said for saving yourself effort down the line, but you're still going to have to edit it anyway so there's absolutely no reason to be perfect on the first draft

People who can plan out things and write good first drafts are incredible to me because I absolutely cannot live that life, but I also think I have a lot more fun overall even if it means I have to write 6 or 7 drafts of something before it's good

I also think that it's no good editing until you have the full story so getting caught up in perfectionism with the first draft - when the story is still being formed - is causing yourself to expend more effort on it because you don't actually know the changes that you're gonna need yet (again though, I don't plan anything so take that with a grain of salt)

So what can you do about it?

It's one thing to train yourself in discipline, that's something that's pretty well studied

BUT if you want to train yourself in a lack of discipline, I actually think that's not as easy. You can of course try to force yourself to write without editing but that might stress you out and make the experience not fun, which means you're significantly more likely to not do it again

So I would suggest trying to make it a game for yourself. Try to find the joy of writing something unpolished, in whatever way works for you. Maybe do some time based writing challenges? Like in the way that NaNoWriMo gets people past that because the time limit of one month forces you to keep going! but that might be a bit intense to start with because it is a full novel and a full month

If you could get some friends involved and do time challenges together maybe you could begin enjoying the process of just writing something as it first comes to mind, and you and your friends can have fun laughing about all of your silly writing afterwards

Or maybe you could find some people to RP with, because that's certainly a different kind of writing that doesn't allow you to get super bogged down because you're not doing all of the work

And I also highly recommend writing the absolute most self-indulgent nonsense possible that is purely for you and no one else is ever going to read it because that can be very freeing!

Some people also find it helpful to actually label something as "the dumb version" or "the bad version" because it gives them internal "excuses" to write something that isn't polished.

Well, I don't know if any of this will be helpful to you but I hope so! I know I use the words "fun" and "enjoy" a lot but I really think writing first drafts should be fun. I think writing should be fun! Because after all, we love writing don't we? Finding the particular joy in each stage of writing can go a long way to helping you get through it and help you really appreciate the entire process ^__^

#writeblr #writing #advice I guess

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shedontsmelltoogooddarious · 4 months ago

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ChromeskullxOC (SMUT)

Shameless self indulgent first time writing actual smut between my OC, an eldritch mafia boss and Chromeskull from Laid To Rest. Two bad rich older men sdhdhdhd

(Black is trans)

He picked the most upscale club in town to discuss business with his partner, within a private room, drinks going in and out as Ivanov barely paid attention, his wallet was too fat to care. He lit another cigarette, offering one to the man sitting across from himself. He took it, his mangled face lowering to light it- barely acknowledging the desperation bursting through the mafia boss’s seems. “So tell me, are those girls beneath your knife satisfying you enough?”

Black purred, prompting Jesse to look up, his hands suddenly going into motion; “Very much so, thank you for asking.” He signed, before smirking- knowingly at the face of danger. If he wanted, Black could snap the experienced serial killer like a twig.

“Nice to know that our rendezvous meant nothing to you, but I guess we’re here to strictly discuss business.”

He poured himself another drink, taking a swig before slamming it down to the table. “Preston emailed me about you needing another place to “play”, I supposed I could allow you to have free reign on one of my properties in the city- but why should I give you that privilege?”

“Because you still want to fuck me.”

Jesse signed once more, before taking a drag off his cigarette, smoke whisping out of the holes where his nose should have been. A low growl could be heard, his human form slipping. But Jesse remained nonchalant, ignoring it like his former lover ignored him when his face melted off.

Muffled techno music could be heard, filling in the silence between both men. “You’re right, and I always get what I want when I want,”

His hand shot across the table between them as he grabbed Jesse’s shirt, ripping expensive silk in the process as his lips feverishly collided with his ex’s. Instead of fighting back, he allowed it- his long, boney fingers entwining with Ivanov’s black hair. The don was expanding, sickly popping and crunching sounds being heard as he contorted into his true, monstrous form. Tendrils wrapped around Jesse’s legs, parting them, the sharp blade of a knife suddenly against Black’s throat.

“No.” An electronic voice commanded, the blade biting into his skin- right above his jugulars. Don Ivanonov was shoved down to the floor, a human dominating a monster, a predator of his species. He undid his belt buckle, his cock throbbing out as it was erect. Jesse’s free hand traveled down to Black’s pants, undoing them to reveal a familiar sight, his fervid pussy already seeping. His face flushed in embarrassment as he turned his head away, forgetting the blade held to his throat before feeling sharp pain as Jesse shoved it deeper.

“You’re so pathetic- look at me!” He growled, before his black leather glove hand grabbed his bottom jaw and forced him to look into his mangled face. “You’re mine- you’ve always been mine.”

WIthout warning, his member slid inside Black’s warm insides as he needily thrusted into him. How long has it been since he last was inside one of the most notoriously dangerous dons in this city? Too long. The knife against Black’s throat trailed down to his own dress shirt, cutting it open as the blade slid across his skin, causing inky black blood to bead out against his pale white skin.

The thrusting gradually turned to a steady pace, syncing with the rhythm of the music outside, stretching Black’s insides out as his claws dug deep into the tiled flooring, leaving deep grooves behind. Jesse lifted his partner’s hips up, gripping his large thighs tightly, shoving himself deeper yet. “I’ve heard you’re whoring yourself out in this city- tell me, what happened to your playthings Ivanov?”

Jesse growled, sparing no mercy for Black as he continued, going faster with the tempo. Black gritted his teeth, his pride now in shambles as he was drunk on pleasure and pain.

“Answer me!” His fingers dug deeper, Black’s tendrils going limp.

“You killed them.” He moaned, recoiling in disgust internally.

Jesse grinned, going slower with the tempo change, but still keeping a firm hold on the man larger than himself. His cock throbbed, he knew he was about to come soon- but he wanted to keep going, to reclaim what was his and his alone. “You’ve been fucking around with my toys as well, you can’t share can you? You’re a greedy old bastard.”

He was about to come too, his legs shaking- insides clenching around Jesse’s cock. They squeezed, kneading against him. He needed more. His claws found themselves in Jesse’s shoulders, gripping for dear life as his lips once more collided with the human’s, but this time his sharp teeth were prominent. He bit down on Jesse’s lower lip, instantly drawing blood, savoring the familiar taste. “You’re like a damn drug.” Black snarled,

Jesse was unable to hold it back any longer, his back arching as he came into Black, his hot seed spilling deep inside. As if on cue, Black too came, his name sake’s goo spilling out as it leaked from every orifice, mixing with his partner’s crimson red blood. Black made an attempt to pull away, but his partner had other ideas. He locked in his grip, coming again into Black before thrusting once more.

“What are you-”

“I want you pregnant.”

A new track was placed down, faster and harder.

#slasher #slasher fic #slasher fandom #smut #slasher smut #mafia oc #horror slasher #horror fic #horror smut #slasher fanfiction #oc x cannon #chromeskull #jesse cromeans #laid to rest #laid to rest 2 #eldritch #tentacles

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thedocs-in · 1 year ago

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Military School Pt.1

Sorry this took so long to get out, a self-indulgent Cecilxreader fic that I started to write took over my life for a couple on months. And then school started.

But I wrote this about two years ago, and I only meant for it to be shared with people on this Cecil server I was in. But, considering its gone now, I figured why not. And Cecil is supposed to be like, 14 or 15 in this.

This is part one of a three part story. The second part should be up possibly by the end of the week. Gotta make some edits to it first.

Plot: Cecil gets into a fight that nearly gets him expelled from high school, and almost gets sent to military school.

Link to Pt.2

TW: blood, injuries, and mentions of violence and sexual harassment (very briefly on that second one)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting there in an uncomfortable chair, Cecil leaned forward. His elbows resting on his knees and a bloody rag pressed against his nose. Though, given the fact that his shirt was already covered in his own blood, the rag was pretty much useless. Craning his neck, he looked at the senior who sat across from him. The senior he’s labeled ‘Jackass’ looked like shit, his shirt stained with blood. The skin around his nose and one of his eyes starting to turn purple.

The senior pressed a bloodied rag into his face, as his lip had been busted and his nose broken. Two of the seniors’ fingers were in a makeshift splint; and while he had heard something pop, he wasn’t sure if they were broken or just dislocated.

But it didn’t matter; he was still screwed regardless. Up until this point he had gotten away with getting into fights with assholes or bullies. Middle school kids were too embarrassed that they got their ass kicked. Sure, there were times when someone would snitch, and he’d get in trouble. But most of the time he’d get a warning or detention, considering the other kids never got hurt enough to warrant suspension, or worse, expulsion. But high schoolers were different, you fight back, hurt their ego, and they’ll find a way to make your life miserable; especially if they had been on top of the food chain.

But here he was, sitting outside the principal’s office contemplating everything that went wrong, how he let his temper get the better of him.

Craning his head up, he got a better look at the ‘jackass’ sitting across from him. And he was met with a glare that could melt steel. Lowering the rag, he checked his nose; thankful that the bleeding finally stopped.

He returned the dirty look to the senior, scrunching his nose in the process. Which only sent a wave of pain through his face, and he was convinced that it was broken. It wasn't the first time it's been broken, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. But knowing his dad, a trip to the emergency room wasn’t likely, as his dad would rather just set it at home.

Looking at the floor, he stared at the ugly linoleum. He could see a few stray droplets of blood on the ugly brown linoleum, that was probably outdated when it was put down. And he wondered who had the bright idea to choose brown of all colors.

But his thoughts were interrupted when he heard a shouting match break out behind him. The door to his right muffled the voices, but he quickly straightened up when he heard his dad shouting.

The ‘Jackass’ spoke up, “Sounds like you’re in trouble you little shit.”

He looked at the senior and could see that he had a shit eating grin on his face. But he watched as the smug look turned to regret as blood started to run down his chin, and he moved the rag from his nose to his lip.

“I wouldn’t have kicked your sorry ass if you had just left my friend alone.” He spat back.

He leaned back in the chair and looked up to the stained ceiling, attempting to make sense of what was being said. All he could tell was that it didn’t sound good for him. Occasionally he could make out his dad insulting whoever else was in there.

The shouting quickly died down, and he heard a third voice talking, then footsteps.

On his right, a door quickly opened, and he turned his head to look. Standing in the doorway was short and portly man who looked both terrified and exhausted.

He sighs, “Both of you in my office, now!”

Forcing himself up from the chair, he reluctantly walked through the doorway. Quickly spotting his dad standing across from the ‘jackasses’ father.

His dad quickly looked at him, and ice filled his veins. He could see that his dad was not happy. Catching his eye for a moment, he quickly looked elsewhere as he walked into the office. While he was never scared of his father, for once he was nervous. The fact that this fight had gotten so out of hand made things look worse for him.

As soon as he was within grabbing distance, his dad pulled him close. Quietly seething at him through his teeth, “You are in so much trouble!”

What little color there was in his face left as he rarely saw his dad this angry.

The portly man walks around the room and sits down behind his desk. On top sat a little placard, ‘Principal Owens’.

With a sigh, the principal sat down. “Mr. Stedman, I’m afraid we have a serious situation on our hands here. I don’t take kindly to violence occurring on school grounds, especially when it leads to serious injury. And to be completely honest Mr. Stedman, this isn’t looking good for your son.”

He felt his chest tighten. And while he wanted to defend himself, he bit his tongue right as the ‘jackasses’ father started to yell.

“I want that little bastard expelled and arrested! Look at what he did to my son!” The man spat, gesturing to his son’s injuries.

Principal Owens cuts in with exasperation, “Mr. Lawson please, before any decision is made, I want Mr. Stedmans’ to explain himself.”

Now with everyone’s attention turned towards him, his mouth suddenly went dry, and he had no idea how to explain himself. Where to even begin, and if they would even believe him. Considering it was his word against ‘jackasses’ and his cronies. He had a few friends that could certainly vouch for him, but he didn’t want them involved in this mess.

He could feel his dad’s grip on his shoulder tighten, and in that moment, he was almost too terrified to even look towards his father. Taking a deep breath, knowing that even if he told the truth, he could still be screwed. “He’s been harassing my friend for days. And when I went to talk to him, to tell him to leave her alone, he took a swing at me. I didn’t start the fi-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Mr. Lawson lost his grip on his son for a moment as the senior attempted to lunge at him, calling him a liar. Thankfully, his dad quickly put himself in between the two teenagers, and Mr. Lawson pulled his son back.

Principal Owens stood up quickly and slammed his hands onto his desk, “That’s enough! I will not have any more fighting! Especially in my office.” Looking over to Mr. Lawson he said, “Control your son!”

He watched as the ‘jackass’ huffed in anger.

As soon as things started to calm down for a moment the principal looked at him, “Cecil, what do you mean he’s been harassing your friend?”

Breathing a sigh of relief, he began to explain things. “All of this started two weeks ago, when he started to harass my friend. He kept making all sorts of sexual comments towards her, or him and his friends kept harassing her after school. I went to go talk to him, to tell him to knock it off. But all he did was attack me. I didn’t go looking for a fight, but no one else was telling him to stop.”

As the words left his mouth, he could feel the tension growing in the room. But he noticed his dad’s grip loosen a bit.

The principal narrowed his eyes at him, as he leaned back into his chair. “And why didn’t you think to report this to the office? And why hasn’t she come forward?”

What anxiety he felt, was quickly replaced with anger, “I tried, and no one did anything! She tried, but no one would take her seriously. If you really don’t believe me, ask her. Ask the teacher that caught the ‘jackass’ messing with her yesterday.”

He still couldn’t remember his name, though at this point it wasn’t worth trying.

“Young man, I will not tolerate that language in my office or my school.” Owens said. “Which teacher are you talking about?”

He wracked his brain trying to remember who had caught the older student, but his memory was failing him. “I don’t know, I think it might’ve been the P.E. teacher. I wasn’t there, she just told me about all of this, this morning. She said it’s been happening after school for the past two weeks. She said that the teacher saw and stopped it but didn’t do anything else.”

Principal Owens sighed and rubbed his face. And for what felt like minutes, everyone was silent.

His dad cleared his throat, “Principal Owens, I’d like to know what you plan on doing? I agree that what my son did was wrong, but if what he’s saying is true, I hope ‘jacka-’, Mr. Lawson’s son is punished as well.”

Biting his tongue, he had to stop himself from laughing at his dad’s slip-up. Over the past couple of years, many of his teachers had complained about his colorful language. Resulting in a lot of parent teacher conferences, where they quickly learned where he got it from.

But before Principal Owens could respond Mr. Lawson interjected, “Are you kidding me? My son is the victim here, I want the little menace arrested.”

He felt his heart stop for a moment and his dad’s grip tighten again.

“Now hold on.” Principal Owens says. “Before the police get involved, I want to make sure that everyone is telling the truth.”

Mr. Lawson’s face was turning red, “I know for a fact that this isn’t the first time that little bastard has done something like this. Everyone knows he’s done this before.”

“Sir please calm down; I know all too well about Cecil’s previous incidents. I’ve seen his records, but his past incidents have never been like this. And I don’t think the police need to be involved yet.”

He internally breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that the cops wouldn’t be involved just yet.

Lawson opens his mouth to start again, but Owens stops him, “I think the best course of action, for now, would be suspension for both. I want to see if what Cecil say’s is true. If it ends up being a lie then your son can return to school immediately, if not, then he’ll have to serve out his suspension. And he will be put on academic probation when he returns.”

‘Jackass’ begins to whine, “What?! You can’t do that? I’m needed on the team. I need this to get into college.”

The older Stedman cuts in, “Kid, if you have to rely on to being a football player to get yourself into college, you probably shouldn’t be going. Besides if my son is lying then you have nothing to worry about.”

Both Lawson’s looked at his father, moving their anger from Principal Owens to the older Stedman.

Before either Lawson could say anything, Owens speaks. “Now Mr. Stedman, I cannot let Cecil off with just a warning, he did injure another student. If he’s telling the truth, he’ll have to serve out his suspension, and a few weeks of detention when he comes back. But if your son is lying, I will be forced to expel him.”

His father, now much more levelheaded, spoke. “I understand.”

“Now please, go home. I have an incident report to fill out.”

As he and his dad walked out of the principal’s office, his father spoke to him quietly, “We’ll talk about this when we get home.”

He nodded his head, “Yes sir.”

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whentommymetalfie · 2 years ago

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Sorry, I somehow couldn't paste my message in the comment section of the chapter, so you get another dm. 😄

A new chapter and such a long one! Thanks a lot for this!!! And again, I was sucked into the story from start to finish. Another great, albeit heartbreaking, segment of your story. What I forgot to mention last time is that I admire your style of writing. At first I was a bit irritated by the passages of Tommy's troubled/anxious/muddled thoughts and wondered where all of a sudden the upper and lower capital letters, let alone periods and commas, had disappeared to. But to write his state of mind in this way is a great idea and very well done! I still love how you take the time to describe the recovery process (he'll recover, right?!!!) and keep it realistic - with ups and downs. The new low is really heartbreaking and I suffered a lot as a reader. But then again, that only seems logical. I was watching „The Fall“ the other day (I’m a bit late to the party, I know) and they were talking about strangulation and the probability of wetting yourself during the process. So if Tommy is dreaming about it that intensely, it only seems logical that this symptom would appear. In this sense, once again great attention to detail. I look forward to reading how it goes on and wish you time and a visit from your muse for the next chapter. All the best to Sweden! ❤️

Thank you for this wonderful message ❤️ a long comment is always the best gift to a writer

To begin with I was hesitant to go all out with throwing all writing rules out the window in Tommy's segments, but then I decided that if I didn't do it in a fanfic, when was I supposed to do it? I believe in being self indulgent. So I'm thrilled that it grew on you. My aim has been to make the reader almost as confused as Tommy when he's at his worst, by making some parts virtually incoherent. When his state of mind is a bit clearer, so is the writing. And he's almost always wavering between the two states, and he'll still have moments of that confused state even when he's doing a bit better , so it can sort of ebb and flow within a chapter. At least that's been my thought process and goal.

Oh that's interesting, I didn't know that (Also I'm even later to the party because I haven't even watched The Fall). I included it as another symptom of PTSD and trauma, but it also makes sense to see it this way.

Thank you again for taking the time to write this message ❤️ It made my day. I'm working on the next chapter right now, and it should be out in a few days!

#asks #trying to break the 'one update every two months'-rut

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oflights · 2 years ago

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Heyyy 5, 11 & 13 please 💘

hi hi!! 💕 thank you for these!

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

idk if this is a superstition or just like me being a creature of habit, but i have to write in microsoft word? it's very old-fashioned of me but it's just always what i've used and the vibes are just wrong in google docs or anything else!! madeline miller apparently does this too, which is either a scathing drag or validation, depending on how you feel about her!

11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

this is a hard one because i am an incredibly self-indulgent writer, there are some things i refuse to cut or let go of even if they should be (hence my out of control word counts problem!!! get it together allie). BUT on the other hand, i do actually cut a lot out of my fics, usually in the beta reading/editing process. the darling graveyard is def the endless bits of cut scenes i still have in docs. one notable such darling is the epilogue for close behind, which i swear i may expand and post one day, so i refuse to grieve it!!

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

hmmm there's actually a lot of little things i just find myself not writing, especially in drarry, but i think that's more of a personal preference than issues with it as subject matter per se.

i suppose i'll cheat and say grief for both; it's difficult for me to write about but also cathartic and helpful. i lost both of my parents very suddenly in totally different situations/stages of life and that's something you keep with you even as years pass, so writing about it is sort of like banging a bruise i forgot about against a table. but sometimes it's good to sort of feel my feelings about it, too, and something i can write well from knowing it.

ask me weird writing q’s!

#asks #mxlfoydraco #ask meme #writing asks #i'm obsessed with the imagery of like a little word doc graveyard and then the close behind epilogue clamoring out of the dirt #it will rise again #zombie epilogue

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spacebuck · 3 months ago

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1, 3, 13 and 15!! I love all your writing BTW. Especially your newest one with Argenti messing around with Boothill’s -REDACTED-. It’s incredible 👀

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I actually really like both!! Some stories lend themselves better to one or the other. I find my attention span leads me to one-shots but I enjoy the lore and world building I can out into longer things!

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

OUAHHH this is a hard one!! Depending on the fic it can just be "see art. Stare. Blink. Fic written." and sometimes it can take a bit of nurturing. Taking my current long fic as an example, I floated the idea to another writer who loved it enough to not only support my dumb ass, but we're actually cowriting it now! I started by describing the setting and the biggest scene I had in mind, then we walked back and established the larger arcs of the setting and some core secondary characters, and how we wanted the first scene to go. Then, i sat down and wrote it. Then we came back together, once we had words on the page to look at, reassessed our plan, and have built on it from there.

Sometimes I'll literally just send them a twitter post or a meme and be like "them lol" and an hour layer we have another chapter fleshed out tho, that's always fun.

I can't wait for you to meet Nonna C. Beloved Nonna C.

13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

Oh man. Uhh. "show don't tell" I suppose? I'd rather say "Argenti's eyes gazed over" than "Argenti got bored" as an extreme example haha. I'm a big fan of purple prose and playing in the bounds of words, so that's probably the one that I keep to the most!

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

It depends on the scene! I will often have an idea of how I want it to go in my head, either from talking to someone of a brainrot urge or a nice art made me think of something. Then I'll do any research I need to do (like, if I want to use a specific item or prop or position - there are free online pose libraries I love!!) and I make sure I know the mechanical aspects of it. With my schooling and sporting background I'm pretty comfortable in knowing what bodies can do in terms of positions and relative strengths, so I trust my gut in that regard. Then I just kinda. Let the brainrot take me? Kinks I like to read get shoved in a lot of the time too, what are authors if not self indulgent!

I definitely can get detailed, but it really depends on the scene. If it's supposed to be quick and hurried my writing will reflect that, skipping and stopping and starting erratically almost, but if it's supposed to be a more lovey affair I will do that, slow it down, and that lends itself to more detail. More time to wax poetic about cyborg mechanics hehehe

Regarding realism, I'm torn. I don't think it's important for fic to be too realistic - most of the time people know you're not gonna rawdog a stranger etc, but there's also a level of suspension of disbelief that plays into it. Does the character have feasibility to do these acts? Are they physically capable? Does the realism of the smut match the realism of the rest of the fic? Depending on the intent of the work, you may want to maintain a very specific tone or style and the whole story should match that imo, and that to me is more important.

Man, I yapped jdjcjdjcjd but I hope that was insightful?

Also, THANK U SO MUCH!! the brainrot OVERTOOK ME NDNCJDJXJD but also it's a v real example of what I mean with my last answer!!! It's a cyborg, people aren't gonna care about too much realism, but also I'm in stem so I couldn't not. Include certain bits hehe freakgenti rise

#Capanswers #Anonymous #Ask meme #THANK U THANK U THANK U #I am competing with beloved red with how much I yapped to this hehehe #I wrote this on mobile sorry for any formatting weirds

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thebreakfastgenie · 2 years ago

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🌈🕯️💌🤲

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

A lot of my fics put me through the fucking wringer. safe travels was one. I rewrote the final conversation between BJ and Hawkeye a couple of times and I rewrote the BJ-Charles scene even more times. It languished at like 80% done for months. I had such a vivid image in my head of that Hawkeye-BJ conversation and I'm still not sure the final version totally conveyed it, but it got enough.

But the best answer here is The Emergency Room. I wrote a long, in-depth, self-indulgent post about writing this fic once and I'm glad I did because I forget what a hell writing it was. One of my anchor scenes was the one between Josh and Dr. Williams. It was one of those scenes I was so looking forward to writing! And when I got there I just couldn't. It took weeks. Maybe months. And then there was the ending. I had no idea how to end it. I mean, I really, really struggled with this. It was horrible. And then I just... hit upon it. And I've gotten comments about how much people loved the last line so I don't think anyone would guess that felt like a lucky break after days of torture. It's now one of my favorite last lines I've ever written, too.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

I sort of answered this above, but The Emergency Room. I knew the general beats of it. I started writing it impulsively on Christmas 2020, when I'd recently gotten back into The West Wing and was trying to write a different Christmas fic I've tried unsuccessfully to write for seven or eight Christmases now. So I kind of thought it would be easy. It was not. I don't think the story went any place unexpected, but not one single step of the journey was expected.

I should also mention Campfire! The first half of Campfire was supposed to be about Josh's camp counselor being an asshole and Josh was supposed to stay a social outcast for the entire summer. And then some part of my brain was like, what if he had friends? And it ended up being a lot more about that. The loneliness is still there, because he doesn't share his grief and doesn't expect them to understand, but he has friends. It made the story a lot better, because it added a sort of parallel to CJ, Toby, and Sam.

Like I said above, safe travels gave me hell, but it didn't surprise me. It's always the fics where I know where they're going that give me trouble. The ones that surprise me are the ones that come easy.

One fic that took me somewhere I didn't expect was the play's the thing. Gloria's role ended up being much bigger than I originally imagined! She was just supposed to be the cute girl he used as an excuse for auditioning for the play. But I really love how she turned out!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

I don't know when you're going to see it but I am so excited about everyone seeing chapter 2 of Ghost AU. This isn't a spoiler because it's the premise of the fic; chapter 1 sets up the conditions for Hawkeye's death and he dies at the very end of the chapter. So chapter 2 is everyone's immediate reactions. I'll share that it happens in the O.R. If you want more details you can ask... I may or may not answer (I'll totally answer if you DM me I'm shit at keeping secrets).

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

Writing is a hobby and I love it! I don't know how not to do it. In terms of fic, it's really a way for me to process how I feel about events and characters. It's not that different from meta, really. When a concept is driving me crazy I write a fic about it and then it usually keeps driving me crazy forever anyway. It's an expression of passions.

#ty!!!

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halcyon-girls · 2 years ago

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Stellatrix - Our Texting Turned into Something More

I watched the new season like wow I swear I'm still not going to be that fond of Beatrix and what do I know? Stellatrix now owns me. So here's a fic.

-------------

She understood her friend's doubts about Beatrix. Who wouldn’t? She was selfish, self-absorbed, and driven by her own desires. She was that to everyone but Stella. She supposes it’s a cliche to say or believe that she was Beatrix’s exception.

Stella chooses to keep it to herself. Her friends didn’t need to know of the texts the two send each other or the way she places her phone over her lips to stifle a laugh or a smile at the most recent observation Beatrix has made about Rosalind’s followers.

‘He’s rather daft, Stella. He leans on the desk and attempts terrible flirts until my mind starts to melt and I wish for the return of my magic to make him feel the same,’ Beatrix texts.

Well, yes, Beatrix still had some rather violent thoughts. But who wouldn’t? Stella had experienced much of the foolishness of stumbling men at Alfea, she isn’t surprised someone as pretty as Beatrix struggles with it.

‘I’m sure a flicker of light magic directly in his eyes each time he tries will dissuade him,’ she texts back instead.

She can read the laughter in Beatrix’s response. ‘Who knew the princess had such a side to her?’

Stella smiles, tapping her fingers against her screen to write a response. It’s held off by Beatrix sending another text.

‘I wouldn’t need that magic if it were you leaning on the desk delivering those lines.’

Stella pauses, processing the words as Beatrix continues to type.

‘I might even respond to them,’ Beatrix adds on.

Stella waits a few minutes and realises that’s it. There wasn’t a just kidding in there. Beatrix meant that.

She taps her fingers against her screen, just a random assortment of numbers and letters as she tries to bring her thoughts and feelings together.

She hits backspace until it's blank once more. Would she like to do that? To lean against Beatrix’s desk, flirting with her as she works?

The answer is dreadfully apparent to her. She certainly wouldn’t mind it.

She types her answer. ‘Are you working right now?’

Beatrix is quick to respond. ‘Yes.’

With little thought, she rises from her chair, waving her suitemates goodbye as she hurries down the hall to her destination. Some things just couldn’t be said over a text message. With a few sharp turns down each hall, she arrives at Beatrix’s office, tapping her knuckle against the door twice until she hears a faint, ‘Enter,’ come from within.

Beatrix looks painfully amused, tapping her pen against the desk. ‘I didn’t know princesses ran.’

Stella huffs. ‘It was a brisk walk.’

‘Sure,’ Beatrix drawls, resting her pen on the desk. A smirk forms on her face. ‘So what brings you to my office? Need a favour or something?’

Stella bites her lip. She shouldn’t be doubtful now. She’s the Princess of Solaria, what’s one girl in the face of something like that? She was perfectly rational and walked at an ordinary pace to this office, as a princess should.

Stella moves to Beatrix’s side and offers out her hand. ‘Walk with me?’

Beatrix’s smirk falls at Stella’s question, her face softer, her smile kinder. ‘Where to?’ She asks, indulging the request as she places her hand in Stella’s, letting Stella her pull her out of her chair.

When Beatrix doesn’t let go of her hand, Stella takes it as a good sign and offers no answer. ‘Shall we?’

Beatrix squeezes her hand. ‘Lead the way, princess.’

It’s perhaps the shortest and longest walk Stella has ever taken to get to her destination. She finds herself very aware of Beatrix’s presence, especially of the way her arm seems to brush against Stella’s own with each turn they take.

Eventually, they arrive at the greenhouse. Stella tugs at Beatrix’s arm and shuts the door behind them, surprised but infinitely grateful to find it empty. Perhaps it was the time of day. She hadn’t even checked the time before making her decision.

Beatrix lets go of Stella’s hand. She walks around the greenhouse, grazing her fingertips across the top of a few of the plants. ‘The greenhouse? A bit on the nose don’t you think?’

Stella huffs. Why is this so hard? She rubs her thumb as she looks for words. ‘We can go somewhere else if you’re not fond of here.’

Beatrix’s teasing seems to stop when she hears those words. She’s at Stella’s side in an instant, reaching for her hands and stopping her nervous fidgeting. ‘Are you, ah,’ she rubs Stella’s hand, a faint pink on her cheeks, ‘Are you alright?’

Is she alright? Absolutely not. This girl, her supposed enemy was hardly her enemy at all. Her mind was filled with their texts, their shared laughter, and their teasing as they discussed the most recent man’s attempt to enter their lives.

That wasn’t all of it. There was another part to this that had her feeling more than the kinship of joint experience and friendship with Beatrix. She keeps her eyes on Beatrix as she lifts their joined hands, placing a kiss on top of them.

‘I’m far from it,’ she whispers.

Beatrix flushes but doesn’t pull away, ‘What’s got the princesses’ panties all tied up?’

Stella rolls her eyes at the jab. It seems words weren’t going to answer this. She pulls Beatrix’s hands to her chest and leans down. She watches as Beatrix’s eyes drift shut when she gets closer. It was more than enough of an answer for her.

She bridges the distance, pressing her lips against Beatrix’s.

Beatrix doesn’t pull away but doesn’t move her lips either. For a moment Stella wonders if just like Sky, she had started to terribly misread their relationship. She doesn’t have to dwell on those thoughts for long. Soon enough, Beatrix is returning the kiss.

Their lips melt against each other and Stella can’t help the sigh that escapes her as Beatrix pushes a little harder against her.

She releases Beatrix’s hands and wraps her own around Beatrix’s waist, keeping her in place. Each press she gives and receives in turn has her yearning for more. She only pulls away with a heavy breath when she hears her name slip from Beatrix’s lips.

‘Yes?’ she questions, opening her eyes to meet Beatrix’s

‘I’m going to need you to do that again and again for the foreseeable future.’ Beatrix runs her hand down Stella’s cheek in a way that has her mouth opening slightly. ‘I really don’t think my text prepared me for this.’

Stella matches Beatrix’s action, relishing in the way her eyes closed briefly. ‘Nor did I.’

Beatrix groans before schooling her features. ‘This does not mean I will join your little club, nor be friends with any of them.’

‘How dare I consider the possibility?’ Stella teases, tilting up Beatrix’s chin. ‘Would I be wrong to invoke my princess powers for such a cause?’

Beatrix rolls her eyes, a fond smile on her lips, ‘Positively dreadful.’

‘Very well,’ Stella hums, running a finger down Beatrix’s cheek, pausing her path when the tip of it rests against Beatrix’s lower lip. ‘Could I persuade you to reconsider?’

Beatrix glares at her. It’s anything but threatening when her cheeks are matching the colour of her hair. ‘Enlighten me.’

Now that was something that Stella was more than happy to oblige.

#fate: the winx saga #stella of solaria #stella #beatrix daniels #beatrix #stella x beatrix #stellatrix #ftws #fate the winx saga #myfics

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demigodofhoolemere · 3 years ago

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“Susan doesn’t get to go to Heaven with her siblings because she decided she liked lipstick and parties!”

One, there is a very simple reason Susan does not show up in Aslan’s Country with the others at the end of The Last Battle: she’s alive. Her siblings are in Aslan’s Country because they are dead. Susan is not there because she is not dead. That’s literally it.

Two, it’s a massive oversimplification of the text to try to boil things down to ‘Aslan finds mature femininity sinful’ or ‘she can’t be saved because she grew up’ (or my least favorite, saying she’s cast out because she “discovered sex”, which I find a pretty inappropriate statement to make about a very young teenager and a complete misunderstanding of the actual situation). The “problem of Susan” is not that she can’t go to Heaven because she grew up. Her story is that she struggles with her faith and allowed her desire to seem grown-up and part of the in-crowd become her driving influence, forgetting what was most important. It is not meant as a dig at femininity, it is meant to show a loss of priorities.

When Susan is in Narnia and faced daily with the truth, it’s easy for her to believe, but whenever she’s presented a challenge that will require an intentional show of faith, she always seemed to struggle (for example, in Prince Caspian she’s shown to intentionally choose her doubts over what she felt deep down, and thus took the longest to see Aslan again). After leaving Narnia the second time and readjusting to life in England, as time went on it would have gotten easier to gradually forget her faith when the evidence is no longer clearly spelled out in front of her, and eventually her memories that she once knew were true came to feel like nice childhood stories instead. With those memories, and consequently the testimony that once came with them, no longer real for her, she could allow herself to prioritize other things such as self-image. The story is not trying to say that liking to feel pretty is some sort of sinful indulgence, it’s trying to demonstrate how we can get distracted from what matters when we place too much importance on how the world sees us.

The point C.S. Lewis was making was that it’s important to be humble and not lose yourself in trying to appear so smart and so mature to others. Critically, Susan’s story is not just Susan’s story — it is Lewis’s story. Lewis was raised Christian but became an atheist and turned much of his focus on looking intelligent and grown-up, and when he came back to his faith later in life, he looked back on his choices feeling foolish for trying so hard to be so grown-up because it blinded him to what mattered to him. There is a difference between simply maturing into an adult, and becoming the specific kind of grown-up who tries to be grown-up, which is the particular thing that irritated Lewis and something that he frequently touched on in his works.

I wouldn’t know where to look for the quote now, but I remember Lewis saying that Susan was the character he related to the most because of her struggle. He had to intentionally choose his faith and act on it, and it wasn’t always easy. He understood how hard that can be and knew firsthand how one could let oneself forget if they’re not actively working at it. Lewis was not a misogynist who had it out for Susan — he WAS Susan. And on the other hand, Susan can be Lewis. Susan can find her belief again later in life. He specifically said as much, that she can find her way to Aslan’s Country in her own time and in her own way. He chose not to write that story because something as big as the process of returning to your beliefs and being intentional about it through every difficult step was more mature material than he really wanted to write (contrary to the myth that he simply died before he could get around to it, though I suppose in any case it’s true that he died before he ever might have changed his mind). But the simple fact that that would have been the plot is all the proof anyone needs that Lewis imagined a happy ending for her where, eventually, she comes to be with her family in Aslan’s Country.

To say that she was banned from getting to Heaven is patently untrue. Susan is merely living out the rest of her natural life and taking the longer route back to Aslan. That’s no bad thing by any means. There’s no reason her journey should be exactly the same as her siblings — she is not Peter or Edmund or Lucy, she is herself, and different individuals have different stories. Hers is longer and filled with more bumps and is, frankly, the more ordinary and more relatable for many people. The only “problem of Susan” is how often most of this gets misinterpreted or missed altogether.

#not looking for discourse but my adhd brain wouldn’t let me even think about sleeping last night until i wrote down my two cents #chronicles of narnia #susan pevensie #cs lewis

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miscelunaaa · 3 years ago

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give yourself a try: epilogue | myg

pairing: yoongi x plus-sized reader

genre: colleagues to lovers, coffee shop au, some angst and fluff, smut

summary: The morning after you and Yoongi confess, one thing leads to another, and the two of you are faced with an important question.

rating: 18+ for explicit content

word count: 3.7k

warnings: Yoongi’s POV. Swearing. Filth with feelings. Soft mornings. Fingering. Unprotected sex in an established (?) relationship. Desecration of a couch. Use of pet name. Daddy kink (sorry? kind of not really). Unorthodox marking. Depiction of stretch marks on a soft body, and maybe some self indulgent wording around that (ope). Cum eating. Oral, female receiving. Lots of mid-coitus conversation about likes and dislikes. Clit biting I guess but it’s very mild, just like a teeny nip. Conversations about defining the relationship.

notes: Oops? My hand slipped??? I didn’t expect to revisit these two so soon, but here we are. I’ve written a lot of smut (most of it’s in an unpubbed wip), but this may be the filthiest yet, personally. Once things started happening I got a bit carried away and well, these two continue to be perfect for each other. I acknowledge that this is not everyone’s cup of tea, and I get that. But I also think I managed to keep this approachable and kept it from becoming too cartoonish. If you’re new around here, none of the following fic is going to make sense unless you’ve read Give Yourself a Try first, so if you haven’t read it, you should! I’m quite proud of it, to be honest. The process, however, was so intense that it’s left me a little burnt out after writing it. Baby steps! In the mean time, thank you for reading :)

notes 2: okay so … I don’t know who needs to hear this, but this story isn’t just for people with soft bodies. No part of Give Yourself a Try is. It’s important to me and many folks to have this representation in a literal way, but it’s also for anyone who’s got stretch marks, it’s for anyone who has days where they struggle with loving their body, etc. I want people to read these stories and these experiences. I want people to see themselves represented, and I think these stories, and stories in general, make us feel less alone. At the very least, that’s what they do for me, and that’s why I write them. Anyway, I’m just kind of talking to air about this shit half the time, so if you’ve made it this far, thank you. So much.

Happy reading!

my masterlist | my disclaimers

part 2 | series masterlist | read on ao3

“So um, bad news.”

“You were gone for a half an hour. How could you have bad news?”

“Well, they know.”

“What do you mean? Who knows what?” Yoongi hands you your coffee as you ask your questions. You’re sitting on your couch, a blanket thrown over your bare legs. There’s a record on. The 1975; your favorite, he’s learned.

“Your staff all know that I slept over.”

“I told you that would happen! I warned you!”

“How was I supposed to know that they really would recognize your clothes? I’ve only seen you wear sweatpants once!” He sits down next to you, pulling the edge of the blanket over his own lap as he settles in.

“I mean, that’s your fault.”

“I like your legs and I like how soft your skin feels. Am I supposed to apologize for stealing your pants?” He brushes his finger tips over your thigh. You bite your lip, your eyes widening just slightly. Fuck, you’re so cute.

“I … no.”

“And you’re the one who got my own pants dirty, so who’s really at fault here?”

He watches as you fight a smile, your lip twisting. Yoongi’s determined to make you break.

“I offered to throw them in the wash,” you mutter through gritted teeth.

“Mmm yeah, but that required you leaving the bed.”

“Couldn’t have that, now, could we?”

“No. No we couldn’t.” He’s stroking your leg now, watching as you shift underneath the blanket. The heat is beginning to come off of you in waves. It’s so cute to watch you try to play it cool, but the slight shake in your hands as you continue to raise your coffee cup to your lips betrays you.

“Babe, are you alright? You feel a bit hot,” he teases. It’s when you meet his gaze that he really begins to feel just how turned on you are by his small touches. Fuck. Are you angry or horny? Is there a difference? Does he care if there’s a difference?

“You’re interrupting my morning coffee. Do you think I’m alright?”

Both. It’s definitely both. Yoongi feels his cock twitch in his pants. All of his blood is rushing from his brain to his pelvis and holy shit, he could not care less. Your anger turns him into an absolute caveman; one million years of evolution down the drain for the sake of sex with you. Only you.

“It’s a cappuccino, babe. It’s not meant to be savored for too long.” He’s letting his hands wander higher and higher up your legs. He savors the way your breath catches in your throat as he brushes his fingers over the elastic edge of your underwear. Teasing you like this is as tortuous for him as it is for you and he loves how it feels.

“I ascribe to the idea that people can enjoy their coffee however they want.”

“You and I both know that’s a lie. I watched your nose wrinkle that one time that one asshole asked for almond milk in his gesha hand-pour.” His hand lets his wander up your body as he begins to press into your side. His hand moves underneath your sweater, exploring your flesh. His thumb brushes against one of your nipples and you suck in a breath.

“That was a private moment,” you breathe. “A lapse in my professionalism. We don’t even have—” Yoongi pinches the peak, and the words stop for a moment, before you shakily resume. “Almond milk. We don’t have almond milk.”

“Mm. I like watching you in your private moments. And you like it too, as we learned last night.” He releases you and begins to rub at your breast greedily as he presses his lips to your neck.

“Was that the second or third time?” He hears a small tap as you set your coffee cup down. It sounds empty.

“I lost track,” he murmurs into your neck between licks and sucks.

“Hey, Yoongi …”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to fuck me or what?”

“Mm. So needy for me,” he purrs. “You’ve got to ask nicely to get what you want.”

“Ugh, god, yes, fine, I need you, I need you inside me, I needed it five minutes ago. Stop teasing and fuck me.” You take a handful of his shirt and pull him to your face, your lips attaching to his. His cock twitches again as you nip at his lower lip, trying to entice him. Such a nice way to ask, if he’s being honest.

Yoongi shoves his hand past the waistband of your underwear and begins to caress your mound, slipping into your folds to press the pads of his fingers into your clit. You whine into his neck as he starts to move them in circles.

“So swollen already, so wet for me,” he says, his lips brushing against yours.

“What makes you think it’s you?” You gasp. You can claim that it’s not him, just your body reacting as it should, but you both know that something about your connection makes it more intense for both of you.

“I love that you’ve come out of your shell for me, babe. Talking back to me like that,” he says. His fingers are beginning to tease at your entrance, and you respond by starting to move your hips, in hopes of catching his fingers. He can’t help but laugh: “So eager.”

“Yoongi if you don’t put something inside me I’m going to—” Your mouth forms a silent scream as he suddenly thrusts two fingers inside you.

“Mm, what was that, babe?”

“F-fuck you.”

“In a minute, I want to do this first.”

It’s still mind blowing to him how tight you feel around anything he puts inside you. Yoongi can hardly understand it. He knows this train of thought is very literal; any time any part of him is inside you, feeling you squeeze around him, all thoughts go from “fuck you’re so tight” to just “fuck” over and over again. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

You’re writhing against him as he drags his fingers against your front wall. Your moans taste sweet on his lips. He lets the base of his palm start applying pressure to your clit, making your whole body tense up. The extra layer of sensation leaves you breathless. Actions speak louder than words, however, and Yoongi chokes back a groan when he feels your hand brush against his erection.

“S-shit.” He can’t help the twitch of his cock, nor the way his hips tense with the intent to thrust and grind into your palm. It hits him that these are your pants, and not his, and he’s likely leaking pre-cum all over them.

“Not so bold now, are we?” Your voice, fuck, your voice is so high and airy right now. Fuck, you’re so goddamn hot. As he moans into your neck, he feels you clench around his fingers.

Good fucking god.

“Gonna make me ruin your pants just like you make me ruin mine? You like me ruining clothes for you?” It almost hurts to talk. His voice is so utterly low, and he’s so incredibly aroused; he’s surprised the words are even cogent.

“Wouldn’t ruin them if you just took them off.” Your hand trails up to slip down under the waistband. With ease, you wrap your fingers around him and stroke once. You give him a fucked out smile. “Naughty. Not wearing any underwear. Couldn’t wait to fuck me that bad, huh?”

Yoongi can’t take the teasing anymore. He needs to be inside you, to sink into your cunt so quickly that the squeeze almost hurts. He slips off the couch to his knees, and starts pulling at your hips. You take the hint, and in an instant, your knees are on the floor too, your ass presented to him.

He snaps the elastic edging of your underwear against your skin before pulling the gusset to the side. His fingers brush against your folds once more, and you arch your back into the feeling with a whine.

“Don’t tease me, damn it.”

“I’m going to do what I want, babe, and you’re going to fucking take it,” he says darkly, pressing a finger to your clit. Your hips buck at the pressure before you gain control over yourself again. He growls again: “What are you going to do?”

“Take it,” you repeat back, throwing a smoldering, simpering look over your shoulder.

All of this teasing has Yoongi wound up so tight that he’s a afraid he won’t last long once he’s inside you. For a moment, he considers trying to finger you more. It’s when you whine his name that he realizes you want him inside you just as much as he wants it.

“So whiny. You gonna take this cock like a good girl?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

Shit, that was stupid. He’s too lost in the moment. This is uncharted territory. Neither of you have talked about anything more than immediate likes and dislikes.

The words come from your lips just barely above a whisper: “Yes, daddy.”

Yoongi wants to explode. Fuck. He’s ready; he could coat your ass with cum right now with just a few strokes. This is too perfect. You’re too perfect. And you’re all his to spoil.

He pulls away his hand to start shuffling the waistband of the sweats down, letting his cock spring free. When his hands go back to your hips to start pushing your underwear down, you cast a glance over your shoulder.

You look upset.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?”

You swallow and blink, looking up at him through your eyelashes. “Was that weird? Do you want me to call you something else?”

“No, it’s perfect. Whatever you want to call me is perfect,” he murmurs as he caresses the flesh of your thighs, letting your underwear drop the rest of the way as you shift your weight from one knee to the other. “But I really liked it, for what it’s worth. I like that it came out of your mouth.”

This seems to placate you. Your thighs are squeezing together again. You’re squirming underneath his fingers as he grips your flesh, his palms skimming over the delicate, striated skin. He can even hear your breathing, shallow, almost labored, as if you’ve already begun to exert yourself. He palms himself a few times, but he doesn’t really need to. He’s so fucking hard already.

“Daddy’s ready for you, baby girl. You ready to take this cock?” The words come to him with ease, the slight role change effortless to step into.

“Yes, daddy,” you breathe, arching your back a little.

As he presses into you, he watches you keen. You’re so tight like this, the angle and position letting him bury his cock to the hilt. Taking you from behind while you’re calling him daddy … He would have never expected revealing his feelings for you and you doing the same to turn out like this. And he never would have expected to have found such a fitting match in you.

These thoughts fall to the ground like scattered paper, fluttering away as he starts to pound into you.

“Baby girl, your pussy’s so fucking tight for me. Feels so fucking good.” Your moan in response has him gripping you even tighter; he’s worried about leaving finger shaped bruises in your soft flesh. And yet, the thought that you’d carry the reminder of this moment with you for a day or two makes him feel even more aroused. His head swims and he feels himself grow even harder, somehow.

“Fuck, daddy, you feel so good inside me,” you cry, your words shaking in your throat as he rams his body into yours. Each of your moans sends him higher and higher.

Yoongi’s knuckles are beginning to hurt with the force of his grip, but he can’t make himself slow down. The smack of flesh on flesh is addictive, the hard floor beneath his knees forgotten through the haze of hormones pumping through every blood vessel he has.

Fuck, it’s happening so fast. Too fast.

“I’m—fuck—”

He can’t even get the words out before he’s cumming, spilling everything he has left within you. It’s as if the world falls away for a moment, all he can feel is the way your sweat mingles with his and the vague ringing in ears as he tries too find something to anchor himself to.

And that’s when he hears your still-labored breathing, feels your skin beneath his fingertips. The gentle ripples of your stretch marks, the soft delicate skin that grew with you, kept your body safe through its myriad changes. Yoongi opens his eyes. He didn’t realize he’d closed them. He sighs, letting his hand come up from your hip to graze over the dip where your spine lays. You turn your head to gaze at him over your shoulder.

“You didn’t cum,” he says as he pulls out of you. You whimper at the sudden empty feeling.

You bite your lip. “No, but it’s okay. It still felt good.”

Yoongi reaches for the hem of his shirt and takes it off so he can use it to wipe himself, but he pauses before taking it to you. His seed is already beginning to drip out over your folds.

“Flip over.”

“What?”

“I said flip over, Baby girl. Daddy’s not finished with you.”

Your eyes are wide as you do as he’s told, your breath catching as you settle back onto the couch. Yoongi wraps his arms around your thighs and tugs you forward so that your ass rests on the very edge. Your legs fall open naturally, and he eats in the view. You’re still wearing that sweater, and it drapes and twists over the contours of your body gracefully. Your eyes are huge, your surprise palpable. But you don’t try to close your legs as he runs a thumb over your center, feeling how wet you remain.

“Can I taste you?” He asks, meeting your gaze.

“I—are you sure? Won’t it taste like …”

Yoongi shrugs. “So? Doesn’t bother me, and we’re not done until you’ve cum all over me. I don’t care if it’s my face or my fingers or what but if it’s okay, I’ve love it to be my face.”

“Okay, but if you don’t like it—”

“Babe,” he squeezes your thigh with his hand. “Let me make you feel good. If I didn’t want to do something, I wouldn’t offer.”

You let out a soft sigh. “Okay. Eat me out, please. Daddy.” The last word seems tacked on, but the glint in your eye tells him that you’re trying to get back into the moment, just like he is. He can’t help but smile.

Yoongi lets his head fall to take a lick at your exposed cunt, the slip of his own seed beneath his tongue making the act seem somehow lascivious. And then lick after lick, you slowly loosen up beneath him, letting your cries and moans ring through your apartment. Even though you haven’t had an orgasm yet, you’re so sensitive and hot against his mouth.

“Fuck. Oh my god.” You’re shaking after an especially good suck, one where he let his teeth just barely graze over your clit. He lets his hands snake around your legs and up underneath your sweater. He takes your nipples in his fingers and begins to pinch, pulling another sweet moan from your lips.

“So good for daddy, letting him know how good he’s making you feel,” Yoongi purrs into you between swipes with his tongue.

“Daddy, I’m close.” Your hands are in his hair now. So close already, and all for him. He can hardly believe how perfect you are for him. Finally, he begins to fuck you with his tongue, reaching as deep inside you as he can, letting his nose rub against your clit. Your hips are beginning to rut onto his face, your pants and moans erratic. You’re so close, he can feel it. It’s almost intuitive at this point.

“Cum for daddy, baby girl. Cum all over my face.”

It’s like his words cut the string and suddenly your entire body thrums underneath him as the string falls away. You cry out as the high takes you. Yoongi gently nuzzles and licks you through it, before drawing away as you go limp and loose in his arms. Your hands releasing his hair as you let them fall to the side.

“That sounded intense.”

For a moment you’re breathless, and then finally, you nod. “It was.”

“It was really hot though. Give me a couple of minutes and I might be ready to go again.” At this, a weak smile stretches across your face. You reach for him, and he settles in between your legs, his bare chest fitting against your clothed one. This might be his favorite part: basking in the haze of your orgasms together.

“Thank you,” you finally say, your breath making his scalp tickle.

“Of course, baby girl,” he says, pulling away from the hug to give you a kiss. It’s soft, none of the bite of earlier. Just a kiss to show each other that you’re still here, in the moment. “We should get clean and cuddle in bed, though.”

“Mm,” you agree, still looking a little dazed and boneless. He watches as you sit up carefully, taking care not to get anything on the couch. As the moments pass, you start looking a little more alert.

“So um, about calling you daddy …” You look away and bite your lip, fidgeting with the hem of your sweater. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you first.”

Yoongi watches your body language as you speak, and he doesn’t like what he sees.

“Babe, you don’t need to apologize. I don’t think it’s weird, and I liked hearing it from you. It made me feel—“ he stops, unsure of how to continue “��like you trust me? It’s hard to describe.”

Your posture is still tense, your mouth getting chewed up from you biting it. You’re looking more and more upset with each passing moment and he hates that he’s not sure what’s wrong.

“I just,” you finally say, with trembling lips. “I just don’t want you to get bored with me. I guess. I’m pretty vanilla. That’s as wild as it gets for me, and well, I’ve blown it already. I’ve given up the secret. There’s nothing else left to keep things interesting.”

Yoongi reaches forward and extricates your hands from your sweater, taking them in his. “Babe, you know I don’t care about just sex, right? You’re more than someone I can fuck. You’re so much more than that.”

“I know. I know that. But—”

There are tears shining in your eyes now as you continue to avoid his gaze. The words are on the tip of your tongue, he can see you trying to say what you’re thinking but something is holding you back. You take a deep breath to steady yourself. You look him in the eye.

“What if it’s not enough?”

Yoongi sits with your words. He lets them settle into his mind, his heart, but you continue before he can respond.

“What if I’m not enough, Yoongi? What if this is as good as it gets? What if I can’t make this stay good like this? What if I—” You stop suddenly, choking up as you get overwhelmed by the thoughts that have to be racing in your head.

“Hey, hey,” Yoongi says, reaching forward to take you into his arms, “Shhh, it’s okay, I’m right here.”

“What if this is as good as it gets? This isn’t enough for us to be able to keep going.”

He can feel his heart beginning to sink, weighed down by your doubts. You’re not wrong. You’re still at the beginning of all of this, and he agrees, sex is not enough to sustain a relationship. For a moment, he lets you cry, soothing you with soft touches as he decides how to phrase what he wants to say.

“You want to know why I kept pining for you after all these months?” he finally asks.

“Really good jeans.”

“I mean, yeah, fine. Those piqued my interest, but that’s not what kept me coming back.”

“Okay? What did?”

“The way you take care of people. The way you make sure you care for your staff and the people who let themselves be vulnerable with you. It’s not just sex for me, babe. It’s you being you as well.”

You sigh into a laugh, wiping tears from your eyes. “Okay, well, I’m just here for your ass, I guess.” The smile you give him tells him you’re being difficult, but you continue before he can protest. “I also like your quiet grace, and the way you make me feel important, and the way you are careful to make sure you explain things in words we can understand. You meet people where they are, and gently try to lift them up.”

For a moment, neither you or Yoongi speak. He’s holding your hand again.

“What are you feeling right now?” he asks, keeping his voice quiet.

“A lot. I’m scared, I think. I’m scared and nervous that we’re doomed before we even really got started. I really like you. More than I realized. I don’t want to fuck this up.”

“I think that’s okay to feel. It’s been a lot. It’s all a lot. I’m feeling it too. Like, what do we do when we go to work tomorrow? What do we do when we live thirty minutes apart? It’s a lot but …” He pauses. He wants to make sure he uses his words well. “I think we work well together so far, and I really want to try this out. I think we can work. I really do.”

“Okay.” You’re tracing the veins on the back of his hand with the tip of your finger. Finally, you look up at him to meet his gaze. “Okay. I trust you. I want this to work too. I want to do this with you.”

Yoongi can’t help but smile. “Okay. Then it’s a plan. We’re doing this.”

“Yeah,” you smile back, “It’s happening. We can do this.”

He squeezes your hand. “Together.”

Thank you for reading! Drop me an ask and tell me what you think. Find me in various places at my carrd :)

©miscelunaaa 2022. My work is only found on this blog and under my ao3 pseud. Do not, under any circumstances, copy or repost my work. Thank you.

posted: 3.19.2022

#bts fic #bts fanfic #yoongi fic #min yoongi fic #suga fic #yoongi x reader #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi smut #yoongi x plus sized reader #yoongi x plus sized female reader #plus sized reader #miscelunaaa #possumswrite #yoongi fanfic #yoongi smut #sorry i keep writing book length notes i like talking about this shit apparently

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forever-rogue · 3 years ago

Text

Foolish

AN | This is absolutely the most self indulgent and self-centered thing I’ve ever written. Even if no one else reads this, that’s okay because I just like to word vomit. Basically I’m throwing my insecurities into writing, along with fluff from my fave Frankie. In essence, the reader deals with getting braces and not handling it well - I suppose you could argue you can imagine it’s anything you’re insecure about. Needless to say my mindset has definitely changed and just remember, you’re absolutely wonderful just as you are❤️

Pairing | Frankie Morales x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Mentions of surgery, reader has braces [this is a warning?? It is now]

Word Count | 3k

Masterlist | Frankie, Main

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“You’re what?”

“I’m breaking up with you,” they were the worst words you’d ever spoken; they left a bitter taste in your mouth. The look on his face, a mixture of disbelief and hurt and shock, was enough to break your heart into a million pieces. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to process what was going on. Things had been fine, basically perfect, and this had come as an absolute blindside. It hit him like a truck and left his mind reeling, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but it’s better this way.”

“Honey-”

“I’m so sorry,” you repeated, trying to keep from saying anything else. You weren’t sure if you could handle much more, “I hope one day you’ll forgive me. I can’t…I can’t do this.”

It seemed like time stood still at the bar as you clambered out of your spot in the secluded booth, practically running out the door to get into the safe refuge of the cool evening air. It was stupid to break up with him, you knew that, but at times you were so blindly and stupidly stubborn that you refused to see reason. Frankie was such a good guy that he deserved way better than you; especially when you were acting so irrationally.

Frankie remained rooted in his spot, staring at the side of the booth that you had occupied. His mind was spinning; should he go after you? Should he call you? Give you space for a few days and text you? He had no idea. He had no clue what just happened.

“What’s up, Frankie?” Santi slid into the spot you had previously occupied, surprised by your sudden absence. He looked around and failed to spot you anywhere, “where’d she go?”

“She broke up with me,” his mouth was dry as just stared at his best friend, as much at a loss as him, “I have no clue why. But she just left.”

“Fuck man,” Santi sighed as he pushed his beer towards Frankie, figuring he needed it more at the moment, “it’ll be okay - she’ll come back. She’s in love with you, man. Everyone knows that.

But Frankie had his doubts. Who just up and left without any explanation.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You sighed as you looked at your reflection in the mirror. You gave yourself a tightlipped smile, trying to make it seem as natural as possible. But it was no use; as much as you tried, a closed mouth smile just wasn’t you. Normally you were beaming from ear to ear, mouth open and on display. But not now; you weren’t the last time you’d truly smiled.

Probably when you’d last seen him a month ago.

Closing your eyes and inhaling and exhaling deeply, you gave yourself the best smile you could muster up. After looking at the metal covering all of your teeth, you felt like crying before closing your mouth right back up. Braces as an adult wasn’t anything you had expected. Clear ones would have been acceptable but in your case, they weren’t an option. It wasn’t that your smile had been bad or ugly, you’d never minded it, but at the suggestion of your dentist and several surgeons, you realized you could end up with serious issues in the future if you didn’t treat the small issues now.

“Stupid jaw,” you hissed at yourself. That was the gist of it; you need to get everything ready for surgery before your bite would be completely corrected. It’s only a 24 to 30 month process. That seemed like a lifetime at any age. And the looming threat of jaw surgery didn’t help. But there you were, metal tracks on your teeth topped off with aqua elastics. You’d picked the colors in the vain effort that it would cheer you up when you looked at yourself. It hadn’t worked, “this is fine. It’ll be fine. I just won’t smile at anyone and say nothing unless needed.”

The fact that you still felt like the worst person in the universe didn’t help. It had been 35 days since you’d seen Frankie. 35 long days for which you had no one to blame but yourself. He’d tried to contact you almost daily for almost two weeks after you’d broken his heart and dumped him out of nowhere. You hadn’t responded. You figured a clean break would be best; but this wasn’t clean at all now, was it? You left him with no explanation; the man you loved more than anything in the world. Over something so stupid. But he deserved better than you, you were convinced of that. You’d acted like an absolute idiot, gone and fucked everything up and you doubted you could ever fix it.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The café was busy and crowded; you hadn’t wanted to come, but figured it would help clear your head to get out of the house for a bit. You’d bought your laptop with you to do some work to keep your mind occupied. You hoped the noise of the bustle of people would keep the noise in your head to a minimum.

But when the chair across the table from you was pulled back with a loud scrape, you almost jumped out of your skin. You hadn’t heard him come at all (probably from his years of training) and he’d gotten the jump on you. The expression on his face was nothing short of smug.

“Santi,” his name left your lips in a rush as your eyes widened at the sight of your friend. Well, he’d been Frankie’s best friend so you figured he’d remain his friend and not yours. He studied you intently, trying to read what possibly was going on your mind, “I-I didn’t see you.”

“Bee,” he sat back and relaxed, always the prime example of cool and collected. You’d seen his eyes flit to your mouth when you spoke, “how’ve you been? What happened? We’ve all been worried about you.”

“N-nothing happened,” you tried to hunch down so your laptop covered your face but it was no use. Santi raised an eyebrow not believing a word you were saying; you knew better than to lie to him. He could see right through you, “fine. I just…I couldn’t be with Frankie anymore.”

“Did he do something?” he had a doubt that sweet, shy Frankie would have done anything bad. Especially to you; he had it bad for you.

“No…he would never,” you sighed softly before pausing for a moment. You closed the laptop before looking at Santi and giving him the widest grin you could. He wasn’t phased for a moment and just shrugged innocently, “Santi, I have braces now. I-I hate it. I feel like…I dunno. I just thought that Frankie wouldn’t…I don’t know. He can do better.”

“Let me get this straight,” he leaned in closely so he was practically whispering, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible, “all of this was over braces?”

“I mean…yeah?” you asked, realizing how stupid it sounded out loud, “I just…I feel like it looks bad, makes me look weird. I don’t think most adults want to date someone with braces. I mean…I don’t know. I’m sure there’s a line of beautiful women that would love to get their hands on Frankie.”

“He doesn’t want them,” Santi shook his head as he tried to contain his laughter, “he only wants you. You don’t seriously think he would have an issue with that, right? If you do, you really don’t know him at all.”

“I know he wouldn’t,” you admitted softly, brushing at the tears that were already pricking at the back of your eyes, “but I don’t want him to have to deal with it. Imagine kissing someone with a mouth of metal.”

“I’ve done it,” Santi laughed lightly, reaching over and gently brushing away the tears that had rolled down your cheek, “in high school - granted it wasn’t like I was a pro back then, but it’s not bad. It’s something that might take a bit to get used to but then that’ll be that.”

You looked at him and nodded lightly, opening and closing your mouth a few times, deciding not to mention the other thing that was on your mind. Santi, ever so astute and observant, knew where your mind was going, gently brushed his fingers along your jaw, “you don’t have to worry about that. Trust me, all he wants is you. He’s practically falling apart; even if you don’t want to be with him anymore, at least let him know why. You owe him that much.”

“I do want him,” you admitted, “only him.”

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

It felt odd to be knocking at his door; in the past you’d just let yourself in with the key he’d given you. But it had been returned, put in the mailbox for him to do with what he wanted. His truck was in the driveway and you were nervously bouncing on the balls of your feet wondering if he would even open the door once he realized it was you.

When you heard his familiar footsteps, you took in a long breath and waited for him to open the door. When he did, he opened it slowly but when he realized it was you, he practically threw it open and stepped onto the porch.

“Bee? W-what are you doing here?” it was hard to read the expression etched onto his features. He’d always been the hardest one of his small group of friends to read, that much you learned early on. But you’d learned to read him, to love him, just as he needed. But today was different.

“Hi Frankie,” you were looking at your feet but forced yourself to look up. Those umber eyes you loved so much were searching yours. You decided to suck it up and give him a proper explanation, he deserved that, “I wanted to apologize. For what happened - for just breaking up with you like that.”

His head tilted slightly to the side as he watched you, eyes going to your mouth as he watched you, “when you’d get the braces?”

“A few weeks ago,” you admitted. It didn’t take Frankie more than a few seconds to put two and two together; he was a smart man after all, “right after I…acted like an idiot. I just didn’t want…you to have to deal with this too.”

“Deal with what?”

“This,” you stated as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, pointing at your mouth, “I’m an adult with braces, I’m still adjusting to trying to speak without a lisp and learning how to eat - what I can eat, I get dry mouth all the time and I look…silly.”

“You’re beautiful,” is all he said, which caused you to pause and look at him, cheeks warming up under his gaze. He slowly reached out to put his hand on your face, gently stroking your cheek, “you’ve always been beautiful, you’re still beautiful, and you’ll be beautiful after it’s all said and done.”

“You’re not…turned off?” you whispered as he just laughed lightly, shaking his head, “I didn’t think you’d want…well, I guess I just didn’t want you to have put up with this. It’s for two to almost three years.”

“I don’t care-”

“I’ll have to have surgery.”

“I’ll be right there by your side,” he promised, without a second of hesitation, “if you’ll have me.”

“You still want to be with me?” you were shocked; the man really did have a heart of gold.

“Of course, my little honey bee,” his voice was soft and gentle, “I’m in love with you, baby. You’re it.”

“Even-”

“Even with the braces,” he insisted, “you still look cute - and your little lisp is cute too. But that will go away soon once you’ve got used to them.”

“What about kissing me?” you whispered, “what if I hurt you…what about-”

“Relax, baby,” he was standing directly in front of you now, and his familiar smell and warm presence made you feel a million times better, “there’s nothing to worry about. Absolutely nothing. It might be different for a bit, but then it’ll be normal. Please don’t stress yourself about it, honey.”

“I was so worried,” you confessed, feeling so stupid over your worries and dramatic action, “I feel so stupid, Frankie. I acted like a fool for no reason and I hurt you…I’m so sorry.”

“Honey, it’s okay,” he wrapped his arms around you in a tight embrace, pressing a gentle kiss to the crown of your head, “I was worried just because I didn’t know what happened. I was worried about you because I wasn’t sure if you were okay or not. That’s the only thing I care about. I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if something had happened that I could have helped.”

“You’re not mad?” you looked at him with wide eyes, a nervous expression etched on your features, “I was terrible to you, Frankie. I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again.”

“I’m not going to lie, I was hurt when you left me,” his voice was quiet as you nodded, trying to bite back the tears. You hated even the slightest hint of the idea that you’d hurt Frankie. He was the last person you’d ever want to upset; he was so kind and gentle, so good. He never deserved any hurt, and you - the person he’d loved the most - had done just that, “but more than anything I was worried about you, bee.”

“You’re too good to me,” you whispered as he took your face gently in his hands, studying you intently. You always felt so vulnerable under his watchful gaze; it seemed like he could see deep into your soul, the very essence of you, “I don’t deserve you, Francisco.”

“If anything, I don’t deserve you,” he laughed as you watched him with reverence, “I’m glad you came. I…I figured when you didn’t get back to me you were done with me. I thought about coming over to your house - even work - but I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. I have to ask…what changed?”

“It would have been okay,” you leaned into his touch, relishing the feel of his familiar hands, “Santi. He found me when I was working at one of the cafes downtown and he talked some sense into me. I’m glad he did.”

“He’s good for something after all,” Frankie shook his head in amusement as you laughed, his gorgeous smile infectious, “I’m just glad you’re back.”

“I’m here, if you still want to be with me,” nervous butterflies were fluttering about in your stomach, “but if you don’t…”

“I already told you I do, bee,” he whispered, “I meant it. It’s you or nothing. Mi vida, mi corazón, mi alma. You are everything.”

“I love you,” you leaned in so your lips were almost brushing against his, “I’m sorry for being a total and utter fool. Next time something happens, I won’t be so stupid.”

“You can tell me anything, no matter what, no matter when,” one of his hands had moved to your waist as the other held the back of your neck, his thumb stroking your skin, “I mean it. I don’t care if it’s 3 in the morning or I’m at work, whatever. You know that.”

“I do,” you nodded lightly, “I was just a dumb fool. I guess I just…I dunno. This feels like a big change and it makes me feel…less me.”

“It is a change,” he agreed, “but you’ll get used to them soon enough and then you won’t notice anything different. I’ll come to you with every adjustment if you want, every appointment. I’ll make you soft foods when it hurts, I’ll make sure you’re stocked up on dental wax and those little brushes to pick food out, and floss, and whatever else you’ll need.”

“You seem to know a lot about this struggle,” he could feel you smiling against his lips.

“I had braces for a few years in high school,” Frankie was so close, you could feel his warm envelope, and if you leaned in anymore you’d be kissing him, “I’m a pro. But before you say anything, I know how you think - it doesn’t matter what age you are when you get braces. You are perfect to me.”

“Francisco…” there was almost nothing better than the sound of his name falling so sweetly from your lips, “will you kiss me?”

“Any time,” before you could overthink it or worry about it, he leaned in and gently brushed his lips against yours. It was a slow, sweet thing, meant to let you get used to the feeling of kissing him again. It felt a little awkward at first, you felt like a clumsy teenager, but after a bit, you started to get the hang of it, and despite your initial reservations, everything was fine. Kissing Frankie was just as wonderful and beautiful as it always had been, “see, bee. That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No,” you agreed, unable to contain your smile. This time it was a real smile, teeth and all, and you didn’t have a care in the world. It didn’t matter you realized, you were still the same you and he was still the same him, “but I think I might need to get some more practice in…you know, just to make sure I get the hang of it.”

“I’d be more than happy to oblige,” he nuzzled his nose against yours, “whatever you want, gorgeous girl. I love you, you know.”

“I know,” you were beaming at his praise, “I love you - more. Thank you, Francisco.”

“For what?”

“For being you. For being my Frankie.”

#frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x you #frankie morales x fem!reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #from me to me with love lol

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