#and I know I'm being fatalistic and I'm going to keep trying and I know that I have very good friends and a very good dad who don't care

[musical-chick-13]

Idk, I just...really hate having a brain/body that won't work. The Condition™ is so bad that I literally cannot focus on ANYTHING, even things that mean a lot to me. I can't string sentences together, doing any kind of standing physical activity for longer than 15 minutes will wipe me out for the rest of the day, and I am SO. TIRED. Sleep doesn't help. Caffeine doesn't help. Meds don't help. All of my labs keep coming back in range, and I just don't understand what's happening. What do I need to do.

[baphometsss]

this might be like... an extremely hot take but. what would solas have done if only mythal and rook had been there to convince him to stop? if the inquisitor wasn't there, what would he have done after mythal released him from her service?

i'm wondering if he would've actually just.. offed himself.

his body language when mythal is talking to him is very revealing--he's literally trying to give her the wolf's fang. he never wanted it, he made it for her. she did terrible things with it, and it was used to kill her. is he trying to give it away, or offering it to her to kill him as penance? he is offering the person who gave him his body to take it away again, to end his suffering as an elf.

it's very telling that he turns to a befriended inquisitor and says that 'because of you, i can see the way forward' (paraphrasing). he says, directly to a high approval/romanced inquisitor: 'i will go and seek atonement.' he has been forgiven by the inquisitor, but he still wants to atone. that is something he never would've had the opportunity to do if they had not been there to remind him of who he truly is. he would be free of his duty to mythal, but he would still owe the world a huge debt for all things he did to it in her name, and to those he betrayed in the inquisition. the weight of that guilt, after finally confronting it after so much of it had accumulated in denial, would've have crushed him.

then there is the din'anshiral, the path of death. presumably, this means his own death. he planned to stay alive after the veil fell to rebuild the world mythal wanted, but he also seems to infer several times that he knows his death lies at the end of the path he's walking and is heading there willingly. that is the literal meaning of the din'anshiral. a romanced inquisitor tells him that she is walking the din'anshiral with him, as she has done for a decade. she is reminding him that he is not alone in his suffering--and does so again when she chooses to follow him into the black city. this is so telling of how well she understands him--she knows what he needs to hear, she knows what his deepest fear is (dying alone). and she works with rook and morrigan/mythal to bring all the necessary parts together, because she knows from experience that just trying to soothe his pain is not enough. she needs to address the cause, or the cycle will just continue.

all of this, to me, is not just about trying to get him to stop doing an awful thing. it's about talking someone away from the ledge of their own destruction. all the clues and signs solas left for the inquisition to follow him was his way of.. well, asking for help, basically. varric was right that he didn't want to do what he was doing, but he underestimated how much he was suffering and how determined he was to avoid confronting his mistakes. the inquisitor is careful not to make the same mistake, and explains his personality in a way that shows they don't underestimate the power pride has over him.

ofc, if he had taken his own life, the veil would've fallen anyway--but i daresay that after losing the only thing that tied him to his purpose (his duty to mythal), he wouldn't have cared that much. i've been at that point myself enough times to know that being called selfish or whatever isn't enough to make you want to keep going. the apathy of a suicidal person is a powerful thing. it's only through his friendship/romance with the inquisitor that he's able to hold on, to keep going. and i think this is a nice touch, because it circles back to the dialogue the inquisitor has with solas and the banter solas had with varric in dai about 'dusting yourself off and trying again'. (paraphrasing). varric is essentially there in spirit, with the inquisitor, to offset solas's grim and fatalistic worldview. solas is essentially just... catastrophically depressed and like a depressed person, can only see things that reinforce the negative outlook he already has. even in dai, he has a tendency to collapse himself into that darkness and not see a way to continue other than through terrible acts. he needs someone else to show him a better alternative--which is what the inquisitor does and is why they are so integral to this scene.

i don't think varric would've wanted it any other way, honestly, and i think the inquisitor knows that. it's why it basically works with a low approval inquisitor too, because even if they don't care for solas, they would want to see varric's wish for his friend come to fruition.

essentially the final scene of datv is about holding an intervention for solas lmao. and like an intervention, you can't do it with just one person.

[shallowseeker]

I think it is being right so often that devastates Dean the most, if you think about it.

It makes being wrong hurt so, so, so much more. (No one's going to be right all the time, after all!)

Like Cas's being brought back by God provided fuel for Cas's sense of hubris, Dean's consistent ability to read people, identify their motivations, and make judgment calls is what grounds him.

It's when he makes a wrong move that triggers every one of his downward spirals. In season 9, he says, on making decisions that "He's so sick of making the wrong one."

DEAN: Hell, maybe I still don't. But, uh... I know I took a piece of you in the process, and for that...[DEAN struggles to say the right thing. He finally just vents] Somebody changed the playbook, man, you know? It's like what -- what -- what's right is wrong and what's wrong is more wrong, and... I just know that when... When we rode together... [He pauses, looking for the right words.]

(9x12)

Dean's life has rendered making wrong decisions incredibly painful. Almost intolerable. (Especially since so many of his decisions have been so high-stakes!)

///

Then in later seasons... it gets worse.

First, there was "choking in the fight against AU Michael" in s14

(14x09)

And then s14-15 hits even harder. It's a painful, emotionally devastating setup that results in Dean trusting Chuck and going whole-hog on the whole "God says so" thing.

It's the opposite of everything Dean's ever stood for:

(14x20)

///

Then he spins straight into denial, oscillating between that and anger.

(15x01)

///

And when Belphegor arrives, he pitches into bargaining, too, experiences multiple phases of grief simultaneously. (It's in the script only, but a close reading shows that the next few episodes underline that THIS is the deal with keeping Bel around.)

(15x01)

///

This gives Dean perhaps his heaviest dose of Nihilism yet, effectively rendering him as s4 Cas, "I don't know if you passed or failed here," with Dean saying, "He doesn't know what's God, what isn't."

In Golden Times, Dean is described as "fatalistic."

(15x05)

//

(15x06)

Yeah. I'm always thinking of s15 Dean being so untethered that he reads very as a parallel with early seasons Cas!

I can't find the line in the scripts, but I know one of them in s15 references Dean feeling like his "life work is a hoax."

///

Dean and Cas have spent large parts of their respective lives being either Right or Righteous(TM), especially considering Castiel's incredibly long military history.

Yet in season 10, Cas says this:

CASTIEL: Yes, well, um… Before, I was very self-assured. I was convinced I was on this righteous path. Now I realize that there is no righteous path. It’s just people trying to do their best in a world where it’s far too easy to do your worst.

(10x04)

It's about trying to reconcile your own righteousness with the world, with where you are going to centralize the locus of your morality (i.e. family) in a world whose food chain spirals down so hard that following it will drive you mad if you're not careful!

The theme of righteousness becomes a poughkeepsie word as early as 4x07:

SAM: I just… I mean, I thought they’d be righteous. DEAN: Well, they are righteous, I mean, that’s kinda the problem. Of course there’s nothing more dangerous than some a-hole who thinks he’s on a holy mission.

That is where Dean fins himself in s15, I think. Grappling with what he will choose.

We see how he's grappling with it in s15, but he by no means really recovers in s15 (this is why we need ONE more season):

DEAN: Trust me, uh, bigger doesn't always equal better. Besides, who's gonna look out after the little guy? God certainly isn't.

//

LEE: You don't, Dean? I am you. I'm just you that woke up and saw that the world was broken. DEAN: Then you fix it. You don't walk away. You fight for it.

The funny thing is that Lee echoes a of "I am you's" that AU Michael does. Like characters before him Cain ("you're like me, Dean") and (Crowley "see what what I see, feel what I feel") and Chuck ("the ultimate killer"), Lee is trying to pigeon-hole Dean into being who he thinks he is, something nihilistic and inhumane.

LEE: Ohh. All right. I'll be damned. Why do you care so much, Dean? DEAN: Because someone has to.

(15x07)

Dean fights back against these roles. He fights for his own heart, for his sense of CARING about the little guy.

Maybe it's not about being righteous but letting go of the idea of righteousness.

[midnightluck]

WELCOME TO HSR BRAIN ROT CLUB! HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE.

I do want to hear your thoughts about Aventurine, his connection to the Mask Fools and what it means to turn down an invite to the Tarven. >:3c

So the thing about the Masked Fools is, and I'm taking this verbatim, is that "the Fools believe that the truth of the world is a joke, and that the ultimate meaning of all things lies in mere laughter," which taken from the in-game database. The Masked Fools, as followers of Elation, think that nothing matters because it's all inevitable, or, to quote Monty Python, "Life is just a show so keep 'em laughing as you go," etc, etc. There's no point in it, there's no greater meaning, and not in the Nihility way of nothing mattering, but in the entropy way? Nihility is about irrelevance, not irreverence, and about futility. Elation is knowing that and laughing in the face of it because if nothing matters, then neither does despair.

Aventurine does not believe the world is a joke or he wouldn't be taking it so seriously. He may treat it that way, and he may think he believes that, but compare him to, say, Sparkle, and the difference is pretty clear. Sparkle, the most manipulative and scheming of all the fools we've seen, also has a tendency towards wagers that play with fire (Russian Roulette, much?) so she's a great example. However, we also see that she's more opportunistic than scheming, like with her offer to Sunday, and is in it for the entertainment, not the potential benefits.

The difference I'm really seeing here is stakes. We don't know what Sparkle stands to lose but I'm gonna go with nothing, or very little. Contrarywise, Aventurine lives by "go big or home," except he can't go home so he has to go big. I'm honestly not even convinced he enjoys gambling (and I have proof but that's for a different essay). He wagers because is audacious, it's unignorable, and it's the fastest and easiest way to get what he wants, and it's also something that once he wins, he can wave off as not something to do with him. It's all down to luck, after all, and his is better than yours, but maybe yours will be better next time; care to try again? And, as we've seen in the most recent text message convo he sends you, he can use a loss offensively. It's about the presentation!!!

All this to say, I think the Fools respect Aventurine because he's out here being visibly chaotic and audacious and they appreciate anyone laughing in the face of fate and deciding they can do it better. I think Aventurine does not respect the Fools because they're literally playing a game and he's not. He has a goal, he has stakes, and he has lost once before; he knows what it is to lose and that it hurts. They're not taking his art seriously because they literally cannot, and the fact that he has something to lose means he could never be a proper Fool.

All that said, I don't think there's any consequences to turning down the Tavern, if he was ever even invited--and that's an if because he went straight from genocide to slavery to the IPC and has been a model employee since. Though, like, imagine you're a giant company and this one high-ranking manager keeps getting public invites to join your local fatalistic anarchy group; just--just imagine that performance review, that would be hilarious to explain.

[dballzposting]

What Yajirobe does all day up there in Korin's tower is one of the biggest mysteries in dragon ball and so that's why I'm glad that in DBS they showed us that they play limbo

Korin definitely has found ways to pass the time because he's lived there for thousands of years probably and I'm not really curious about what he's up to. He's doing Korin things. Mind your business

When I was watching dragom ball I remember loving so much what I was seeing with those two but I was never able to really put into words what I was seeing .. I'm going to try but I'm going to miss a lot so please use your own heart and memory skillz to rember how awesome dragom ball was okkkk.. ❤

Why did that beautiful user draw him licking that damn cat. That was so (as one blessed user wrote in the tags:) Evocative.

I've since found out that TeamFourStar had some... interesting takes when portraying those two so I suppose that the madness of intimacy between them is not a new thing to many people... but it was NEWS TO ME so let me throw my hat in the ring a minute ...

I definitely don't think that they become how TFS did it and I definitely don't think that they settle like an old married couple.

But does he lick that cat?

Loose collection of extensive thoughts (6500 WORDS) about Yajirobe and Korin:

Master Korin is an old hermit. Like any old wise hermit, he's a crazy bitch. Hes got his idiosyncrasies. But by-and-by he can hold his own and is much more balanced and stable than some other hermits out there.

Before Goku, the last person he had up there was Roshi, like... 800 years ago? I think that was the number.

Hes been up there for probably Thousands of years. Being a hermit.

WHAT'S HE DO? He stands around. He watches Earth. He naps. He grooms. He meditates. He stays sharp. He reads little books probably (fun books). Probably has a flowerbed he waters. Makes little origami figures maybe. Weird sculptures. One pebble at a time.

Doesn't really matter.

Hes a sensible fellow. He's got good advice and he's got astute eyes. I think that when Roshi was up there for three years, he got comfortable enough to start pulling out the nudie mags (back then they weren't magazines but drawings). And Master Korin would BOP him on the head with his stick - telling him that he will never be a great warrior with a distracted mind, that he will never have a pure heart if he continues on like this-!

Korin wont allow filth like that up there. Classy depictions are one thing but lewd obsessions are another. And he tells Roshi to throw the drawings away. And well Roshi doesn't. He just hides them.

And eventually we absolutely get to the point where Korin will look at them too. Yes yes very nice. Woah. WOAH. Hand me that one there. WOAH! Eloquent handiwork here. Impressive. Nice. Very nice.

And then Korin hits him on the head and tells him again to dispose of them.

Korin wont allow that filth up there except he totally will and does. It's more than that "he doesnt give a shit" - hes a wise old hermit and he knows better than to try to control the flow of life. So he has a lot of grace when it comes to accepting events and other people's natures. When Roshi first arrived, he wouldn't tolerate it because Roshi was there to train and could still be saved. But after a while it became clear that Roshi was going to keep looking at those sexy drawings, and Korin isn't interested in the unrest of endless animosity. He says his two-cents and he will keep saying it but he cannot afford to keep getting angry. He cannot afford to lose his composure every time. This is just the way it is. And he bops Roshi on the head with his stick about it. And he isn't surprised when Roshi keeps pulling the drawings out again.

He sighs about it and shakes his head and mutters. He still cares enough to do that. He isn't a zen buddhist about it or anything. He isn't too fatalistic. He does work towards a better world.

About that better world ... He will work towards it, but he also is perceptive enough to know when to give up. For example, he admitted after Goku defeated Piccolo that he didn't really think that Goku could have really done that. He let Goku try because ... That's Goku's will, and because, well, it's a nice thought, isn't it? But if Goku had died, Korin would not have been surprised. He was willing to accept the inevitable.

But he didn't admit that until after. During, he cared enough to go against the odds and to aid the cause of good. Korin is a wise old hermit who knows how to read the tide but he DOES play a team - the side of virtue, unequivocally. Hes got opinions.

Korin doesn't just let any bastard up there and and he absolutely has standards. Hes a little bit snarky or feisty because hes an OLD CAT! But hes also pretty reasonable. And he can be nice enough.

When Yajirobe first showed up there, Korin was accommodating. And he was even impressed by his strength.

And later he tried to offer him tea. Becasue that's what you do when you have company.

And we see them talk a few times in filler shots. And they're both chill about it.

OK wait there was one scene that was so funny where Korin was telling Goku about how one has to be pure of heart in order to go see Kami-Sama. And how Goku fit those qualifications perfectly. UNLIKE YAJIROBE

^ he just went out of his way to YELL at him like this ... CHECK OUT HIS FANGS. ME-OWCH!

That's Korin. He's got quick eyes. He knew to yell at Yajirobe. He knew that Yajirobe deserved it

Yajirobe was only there because he had to bring Goku up there (twice). Okay sidebar

YAJIROBE:

He shows up in the story when it has taken an abysmal turn. A nosedive toward devastation. And we're following Goku who has snapped out of shape from circumstance. And we're watching him navigate this. And navigate he does becasue he is still alive. And it's bizarre, becasue we're seeing something that usually isn't in stories; usually stories are what is dramatically satisfying, stories have direction. But at this point in the narrative, Goku is just ... alive. He almost died. Hes starving and trying to do something about it, lest wait for death. Krillin is still dead. What's to be done, but to....do. it's.....peaceful, in a harrowing way. Unobserved. And then Enter Yajirobe. Hes not a diamond in the rough necessarily, but we are definitely digging around in the rough, or you could even say we're in the shitter at this point- and hes no diamond, but he's more than dirt. He's a shard of obsidian in the rough, maybe. Hes something. And we find him and we're still in the rough.

To elaborate further: this little dip in the story speaks of survival and persistence. Bear with me. When it comes to Yajirobe and Goku's character, there is between them an interesting tango of physical health VS higher moral spirit. First, because this part of the story is a flagging physical existence underscoring an absence of higher hope, we meet the hedonistic, physically adroit, and survival-minded Yajirobe to attend to that necessary foundation. This is a virtue that Yajirobe offers our hero now, and later on too as their characters progress through difference scenes (more on that later). This simple Yajirobe contrasts with the pure-hearted Goku who struggles to retain his character in the overwhelming mess of his enraged and wounded spirit, but through this Goku must also find a way to persist (this isn't resolved until Mr Popo beats that attitude out of him). So Yajirobe's character first teaches of treating the most basic realm (physical survival which extends into persistence of being), and then highlights through contrast the extent of our hero's honor and prowess (which, you could take as a direct contrast, or you could take as a comparison, saying that emotional/spiritual expression and sustenance is just as key for survival as saving your skin is; persistence of being is resilience of character). Yajirobe's debut being at this miserable point in the story is what creates his character for us - the shining obsidian in the rough. He's a survivor.

He is able to keep up with Goku. He swims as fast as he and runs as fast as he. When they fight each other they both remark in their heads that this is one of the strongest guys that they've ever faced (Goku had kicked him with his full strength and Yajirobe stood back up all the same...!). And he eats Cymbal like it's no big deal, against even Goku's protests.

we receive no indication that Yajirobe has received any formal training. It seems that Yajirobe has acquired his abilities by just .. practice. Out here Livin it. He got that katana from somewhere but he's just out here surviving.

The wikis identify him as the ronin (masterless samurai) archetype, right down to his outfit. This is awesome.

He is truly built different. He's fully human and entirely different. He's selfish but not malignantly. He's oriented toward his own safety, survival, and comfort, and he allocates all of his resources toward these goals, and in this he is effective: he doesn't waste time procrastinating or playing the hero (WITH SOME NOTABLE EXCEPTIONS..!!!!) He's built different and doesn't need or WANT friends. He doesn't want to be bothered. He wants the freedom to be alone. If he wanted to settle down in one area then he would have built a house. But he hasn't, presumably because before long a mailman would find him and connect him to a greater society. So Yajirobe is just out here hunting and sleeping and staying on the move. He's completely happy and self-actualized to do so.

Yajirobe can be lazy and cowardly but still, not quite ... to be cowardly implies you are going against your greater want or virtue. He never intends to be anything but SAFE, so he's not cowardly, just smart and goal-oriented. To be lazy implies that aspects of your life suffer because you don't put any resources toward them - and he never intends to be anything but well-rested and content, so hes not lazy, just comfortable. Furthermore: Yajirobe doesn't put off hard work when it's in his path. He doesn't procrastinate. He really does want to make his life enjoyable, so he doesn't burden himself by half-assing something multiple times. He saves himself the resources and the headache by doing it right the first time. If he has to swim an ocean, he'll do it. If he has to run for miles, he'll do it. If he has to fight a dinosaur until it's dead, he'll do it. He is indeed effective. He doesn't like to waste his own breath, but he is not afraid to use it to max capacity if the results will be worth it. And when he was trying to outrun Goku to earn some damn peace and quiet (and to retain the one-star ball), he was truly willing to run for this, until he found a cart of hay bumping along a lonely road. Then he was like SCORE and took a nap on it and let it move him along for him. It was definitely much more slow then running, but it was comfy, and convenient, and Yajirobe is opportunistic that way. HE WONT WASTE A CHANCE TO SLEEP!

Yajirobe is really good at securing his own survival. In DBS, in the bad future timeline, he survives like a cockroach! He really is just built different. He's a beautiful bastard

Again I want to comment on his appearance in the story ... Even when shit gets crazy and you don't think that you could sink any lower, you could always meet a guy with a katana who is HUGELY skilled when compared to the general populace but you didn't know about him because he didn't want to be found. That is always possible. Anythinf is possible

He does what he must and he takes rests when he can and he defends his own and he hides from the bullshit and he is CONFIDENT in all of this. He doesn't cut corners, and everything he does, he does with conviction. If he shows up late, he's not late - he showed up exactly when he meant to. If he doesn't want to do something, he won't. You could always try to convince him of course and you might succeed with a compelling enough argument or incentive (Ex: he didn't throw the baby Trunks out of the window because he didn't want to invoke Vegeta's ire. Ex: He'll do anything for a Yajirobe Snack in fact that's why he climbed Korin's tower for the first time), and that's all good and fine. He wont act like his mind wasn't changed if it was. Well he may try to fight against it due to an internal conflict of interest but who doesn't hedge a bit at times like that ... Whatever he does or doesn't do, he wont feel shame. He womt feel shame. He wont feel shame.

Yajirobe doesn't know shame. This is key. Well actually more astutely he doesn't know embarrassment. Embarrassment is inherently a social thing, and he just doesn't subscribe to it. He doesn't CARE if he does what's unexpected or rude. He does exactly as he intends to for whatever reason he has. He doesn't care how he fits into a general society! He'd be more angry than embarrassed if you forsake him in a social faux pas context. He doesn't feel that much shame either, but that's not necessarily a social thing, and he can feel it sometimes. If he fails to honor himself adequately he would feel shame, I think, as his one priority is always to protect number 1 (himself). Sometimes that shame may come from losing a fight, or not hiding well enough, or being stupid enough to get involved - and other times, not honoring himself means not acting on the nagging pull in his chest to INTERVENE and DO SOMETHING. I mean, he can handle a lot of life at once - he lives here, and he knows how to earn his keep here, and he has the right to be curious and hover around fights, and he has the right to have opinions about it.

He's always standing around and crossing his arms protectively and responding with animosity .... hes always making snap judgements that are completely true ... he doesn't care who you are or what your name is. You can't talk to him that way.

Yajirobe represents something special to me .... he represents an organism who is successful in being with itself and standing up for itself. Convincingly. I think that that's so beauriful and importsnt ...

Ok anyway.

So Yajirobe ascends Korin's tower becasue Goku is beaten to shit and he tells Yajirobe that theres beans up there and so Yajirobe commits to this tower. And he totally makes it. And when he gets up there Korin is impressed at how Yajirobe climbed the entire tower with Goku on his back.

And then later after Goku defeats Piccolo Daimao for real, Yajirobe carts his ass up there AGAIN and if I recall he just did that out of his own volition. WHY? BECASUE IT WAS A MATTER OF SURVIVAL. He serves those sorts of imperatives.

Yajirobe intervened two other notable times earlier in the story for the sake of Goku's survival: 1.) When he swiped his cadaver from the scene of the first Piccolo Daimao battle and revived him in a river, and 2.) When he tried very very VERY hard to convince Goku to NOT drink that super special water that was most likely poison but would possibly make Goku stronger. The latter example felt less like a character caring about the death of another and more about a debate of greater philosophical importance, like they were discussing the true rules of the world: must one put their life on the line to free their soul, or is it always better to be rational about the preservation of one's physical health? This scene was the culmination of Yajirobe's purpose in the story.

Worth mentioning: When Goku did ascend to Kami's Lookout, we get a scene where Yajirobe is sitting on the railing of Korin's tower and staring up into the sky. He admits that he's looking up because he feels like Goku might fall down at any second, and he wants to be there to catch him if he does.

^That's what I was referring to earlier when I said that Yajirobe offers Goku the much-needed virtue of survival and that there would be "more on that later." Goku is always meeting different characters who teach him different skills or perspectives, and at this late point in the story, you would expect that he meet another wise hermit type who is truly above and beyond. But instead we go backwards and touch base again with the most basic of necessities, and it's applicable in context because Goku's spirit is so wounded and confused by grief that he needs that physical anchor as to not lose himself entirely. He's Goku though and quickly reorients himself and is able to apply that virtue of persistence to all of him, and his argument trumps the unambitious Yajirobe's as the purpose of the story.

Anyway. Back to the point of my post...

As you know, Yajirobe stays in Korin tower for forever and ever. He attends the 23rd Budokai, in DBZ he trains with Kami, he hangs around during the first Vegeta battle, he delivers the Senzu Beans and then stays at Capsule Corp for the remainder of the Android Arch - ETC. But by and by. For the most part. We see him up there in that damn tower with that damn cat eating those damn Senzus!

It's no big mystery by now:

Yajirobe avoids hassle and wants to be comfortable. It's safe up in Korin's Tower. Very removed. Very quiet. There is only one (1) other guy up there and he's not THAT annoying. He mostly just waters the plants and grooms himself out in the open and takes cat naps. And when Yajirobe first sees Korin licking his little furry cat balls out in the open like that, he thinks in his head: "That's disgusting. I would never do that." But then two years up in Korin's Tower later and how do YOU think that Yajirobe is bathing?? :cry laughing emoji:

So ... Why does Master Korin LET him stay? Let's break it down:

As mentioned at the beginning of the post, Korin likes to hang out in a place of agreeable temperament. He won't turn rude for fickle reasons. He likes tea and naps and peace. Yajirobe likes those things too and spends most of his time advocating for those things.

Korin is a Crazy Old Hermit Cat Bitch. Completely insane. He's petty and all of his reasons are fickle but he doesn't think that they are. Like any good old hermit, he has no qualms with YELLING at Yajirobe. He can handle Yajirobe. He probably bites him

Korin is first and foremost an old martial artist hermit. He subscribes to a greater harmony in and with the world. His role, and only role, is to assess those who are worthy. While Goku is at Kami's Lookout and Yajirobe stays behind with Korin, Korin tells Yajirobe that he will never ride Kinto-un. I mean anybody could have ascertained that but it's uniquely Korin's role to tell him that. But Korin doesn't just sit idly by. He wants to instill virtue in the next generation of warriors. He keeps certain secrets and skills away from evil hands, and he does what he can for the side of good. And Yajirobe is some young punk who is clearly worthy in strength to scale that tower twice with Goku on his back in such a short time, but is of a wretchedly bound spirit. And Korin is a mischievous little cat hermit bitch and can't help but to see potential, or even a game when there is one: he's not going to turn down this opportunity to try to turn virtuous this bastard soul, whether subtly or not.

Furthermore: Yajirobe isn't evil. Korin can't bring himself to banish someone who isn't truly evil and who has scaled the tower with his own discipline.

Over time it becomes clear that Yajirobe isn't changing and Korin has to accept him as a person and not as a student, and honestly that's great because Korin is kind of lazy too ... He didn't want to be training this whole time like DAMN. FINALLY he can just CHILL... Yajirobe's virtue is NOT Korin's problem and that's such a relief. And eventually Korin becomes content to just watch Golden Girls DVDs with Yajirobe. Because Korin is a cat who appreciates sleepy time with a warm body.

Korin Can't Kick Him Out if he Wanted To becasue Yajiorbe is just going to Keep Coming Back because the Peace and Solitude is too Tempting and well Who is Korin to Deny Fate its Sick Little Games

And don't think that Korin doesn't mess with Yajiorbe becasue he absolutely does. He'll walk up his back and use him as a ladder. Or he'll put a flagon of ale on his stick and make Yajiorbe try to catch him for it. I truly cannot figure out if Yajirobe would give up when it becomes arduous becasue he doesnt want to waste his energy being mocked, or if he keeps at it becasue He Wants That Ale God Damnit. But wither way it'd be fun for at least 30 minutes.

So. Ummmmmmm.

Back to the thesis. DOES HE LICK THAT CAT?

Well...

I will say that I do think that they both keep a respectful physical distance for a while. Out of courtesy for themselves. Korin is a self-respecting cat hermit who is too wise to be trifled with and who doesn't want anything to mess up his fur. Yajirobe is a self-respecting vagabond who knows that his body is a temple and who won't tolerate arbitrary annoyances done to it.

I will say however that early on we have that scene where Yajirobe was stashing Senzu Benas on his person and Korin saw the lump in his clothes and thought that Yajirobe was hiding a tasty treat. And it's Korin's damn tower and he wants those damn treats so he PUT HIS PAWS ON HIM and TORE HIS CLOTHES OPEN. Very rude. Screenshots below

CHECK OUT HIS CLAWS IN THE SECOND ONE.

Korin is a QUICK read of character (of course he is...!) and after only knowing Yajirobe for a few days he KNEW that if he was stashing anything it was yummy food...! He was so sure of it and he so wanted it for himself that he tore his clothes off for it. He's such a crazy bitch

This is not a good example of them respecting the other's personal space but my sense is that it's becasue this is right at the beginning and the dynamic of Korin being a wise hermit and Yajirobe being an irreverent youth is apparent. Korin can put his paws on him. He can do what he wants. It's his tower. And Yajirobe is just some kid.

But I'm arguing that this dissolves over time. Yajirobe stays over the years and he DOESN'T CHANGE. He MATURES but he doesn't CHANGE. He lives his whole life that way and at some point you have to start taking him seriously, right? And Korin is not keen on blatantly disrespecting people. He's a reasonable guy. He respects others' free will and he respects their decisions.

He'll judge you, but he'll accept you. He won't expect anything from you other than what's wonted for you.

So he and Yajiorbe sleep on opposite sides of the tower because neither really wants to burden themselves with getting too close. They are exactly like diplomatic roommates. They eat meals together, they chat, they argue, but they have none of the obligations of intimacy. They are not responsible for or are interested in the other one's feelings.

And it continues this way for as long as it's due. But you know that Yajiobe is up there for literal years. And that there's not much to do up there but to interact with the only other bloke there.

OK LISTEN: A bit of a sidebar but not really because it is deathly relevant: They've always spoken candidly with each other. Neither of them are ever changing. Korin because he's already so old and this is just who he is and Yajiorbe because he's already perfect. And on DAY ONE they both got a read on the other's character that holds up TO THIS DAY.

PLEASE LISTEN: They both formulated opinions about the other on DAY ONE that never change. They never change becasue they are already dead accurate. Both are living authentically and both are students of nature in their own ways and both are incredibly perceptive for it - Korin KNEW that Yajirobe would never give him anything more than the spoken "-sama" and a courteous physical distance, he KNEW that he would never ride Kinto-un, he KNEW that he was somebody that you need to just YELL AT in order to get through to - and Yajiorbe KNEW that Master Korin was a crazy cat bitch, he KNEW that he was full of mystical shit, he KNEW that he was unreasonable in the way that everybody in the world except Yajirobe is.

No matter what time, no matter how long they've known each other - if you go up to visit it will go the same way. You're standing there talking to Master Korin and having a pleasant chat. Then he thinks to say something to Yajirobe, or to get his attention, or even to summon him or what have you - and he interrupts your perfectly pleasent mild-mannered chat to turn his head and YELL in some direction. Throws his arms back and YELLS. Attaching pic for reference

Just completely goes from sweet-old-grandpa to HARSH-YELLING-THAT-PROBABLY-HURTS-THE-THROAT.

He goes like

"YAJIROBI!"

and says it with an "i" and not an "e" becasue that's how he mispronounces his name in the Japanese dub.

And Yajiorbe obviously doesn't enter the room or anything. You hear banging from the kitchen and Yajirobe yells back

"WHAT?"

And Korin yells back and Yajiorbe yells back and this is how they do it. Yelling back and forth like somebody's sweet old grandparents who completely hate each other.

Let me freestyle something hold on

"GET OUT HERE WE HAVE A GUEST"

"AND WHY'RE YOU SCREAMING AT THEM FOR??"

"I'M SCREAMING AT YOU YOU DIM-WITTED BASTARD. GET OUT HERE SO THAT I CAN STOP"

"YOU COME IN HERE! I'M MAKING DINNER!"

"WELL STEP AWAY FOR A MOMENT AND COME MIND YOUR MANNERS!"

"YOU MIND YOURS AND I'LL MIND MINE! I'M MAKING DINNER!"

"WHAT?"

"I SAID I'M MAKING DINNER!"

"YAJIROBI! GET OUT HERE!"

"YOU DEAF ALREADY?"

"YOU KEEP MAKING ME YELL LIKE THIS AND IT WON'T BE LONG!"

"WHO'D'YOU THINK YOU ARE, BOSSING ME AROUND IN FRONT OF THE GUEST?"

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU UNGRATEFUL FREELOADER!"

"FREELO- I WAS GOING TO SHARE, BUT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN DINNER!"

"MAKE IT FOR THREE, BECAUSE WE HAVE A GUEST!"

"WHO'S HERE ANYWAY?"

"IT'S GOKU?"

"WHO?"

"GOKU!"

"OH!"

[Sound of clutter and clanging. Enter YAJIROBE carrying a mixing bowl. He is stirring it with a wooden spoon.]

"Hey Goku, long time no see!"

END SCENE.

Anyway.

So That's Yajirobe and Korin. They perfectly read and completely accept the other. Neither modifies his own behavior or hamstrings himself in any way for the sake of coexisting with the other. This is just who they are. And it works out.

For decades.

I want to point out that when their relationship advances to new tiers of depth or intimacy, it must not be thought of in that manner. There are no "tiers" and we are not "advancing." They are both objective and no-nonsense people. As such, the progression of their relationship is by nature without a shred of suspense.

There are no subtle desires that are held onto until deemed appropriate to express; there are no reality-checks that yield results that startle.

They keep their space because they want to. They talk because they want to. They play games becasue they want to. Korin will claw up Yajirobe's back rather than walking up him horizontally (a known ability that he has) when using him as a ladder because he wants to. They sleep in the same space because they want to. They cuddle because they want to.

It's a long time until they cuddle like cats, but pointing it out in any manner that may evoke the word "eventually" is already giving it too much prominence. Understand that it's a gradual thing like all things and does not matter in the slightest.

ARE THEY SELF-AWARE ABOUT THIS? Yes and no.

Yajirobe doesn't care enough to do self-reflection about shit like that. One day he was barely trusted to water the Senzu plants and another day he was touching the cat's toe beans. So what. They still yelled at each other to SHUT UP every day in between. What's changed, and why does it matter? Yajirobe attaches no importance to gestures of intimacy or camaraderie - he just appreciates warmth and comfort. He trusts that cat to cuddle up and take good naps with him. All is well. So what?

Master Korin definitely meditates about the state of the world and is so aware about everything. So he is aware each and every day what is going on between he and Yajirobe. He knows when he settles down to groom that this is the first time in hundreds of years that he has settled into the crook of someone's bent elbow or neck. He knows it. And he doesn't care. Why should he? It's a fact, an event, like all things. It's nice. It's comfortable. Yajirobe can be trusted to respect his boundaries and to interact with his body in a manner that is acceptable and predictable. In the spirit of being sensible, for the cause of engaging with a greater unity - the path of least resistance right now is napping with Yajirobe.

So that's that.

Take a water break my dear ... I'm not done with you yet.

They do respect each other's personal space. But there is a point where Yajirobe picks up that damn cat.

DETAILS ON THE EVENT OF YAJIROBE PICKING UP THAT DAMN CAT:

That cat is a crafty son of a bitch and he can MOVE. His training with Goku was facilitated through Goku trying to catch him.

And Yajirobe isn't keen on grabbing that cat gratuitously. He has definitely taken many passes at him however when they play / "train" / Korin is being a nuisance on purpose and Yajirobe has had enough (like when he was tempting him with that flagon of ale and eventually Yajiorbe DOES capture that cat...)

And if one is in the other's way: Korin will just walk up and over Yajirobe (which Yajirobe HATES), and Yajirobe will either punt the cat out of the way or yell at him to move (both of which Korin HATES. Especially the kicking. It always starts arguments).

But listen. There is a point where picking up that cat becomes the path of least resistance. It will garner the least resentment and spend the least amount of time.

We get to the point where if Yajirobe is standing up at the stove trying to make his own damn dinner and that damn cat is in the way, he'll just. Pick him up and move him.

Like if Korin were blocking the flour cupboard and Yajirobe was trying to make a roux for the max and cheese then he would just. Pick up the cat. And move him somewhere else.

And Korin would be all like RRREEAAAQHQHJ like a cat does, but when he's set down he's fine. It didnt take long. He wasnt held or airborne long. Obviously it's startling to be GRABBED and FORCIBLY RELOCATED but it's over soon enough and hes cool as soon as it's over.

But still. If he didnt want to be picked up, then why did he let it happen? Couldnt he have darted out of the way?

HOW is Yajirobe able to pick up the cat?!:

On some level Korin knows that it's not a big deal. And that it's just Not Worth the energy expenditure to get away. Like how pigeons walk rather than fly away because it takes a lot of energy for lift-off: Korin COULD dart away, but he doesn't care too. He has a reason for blocking the flour cupboard (doing something, just chilling, I don't know) and he's not gonna abandon it so quickly just to prevent Yajirobe's grubby hands from touching his fur. Yajirobe isn't a big deal. Hes been there for years. He doesn't matter. And though it's an affront to be grabbed and moved, it doesn't actually take long, and Korin doesn't have to actually do anything, and he is free to express himself during, so hes not really being inconvenienced much. Deep down he knows this.

Yajirobe has gained some speed and precision during his time here. I suppose this isn't relevant here because it's not like hes trying very hard to grab the cat, but it's worth mentioning. He can be precise. He just grabs the cat. See Yajirobe didn't come here to train but like I've been saying Korin is a bit whimsical and mischievous so he's gotten his hermit due and has sharpened Yajirobe's abilities by little gambits and whatnot.

So yknow we do get to the point where A.) Korin is comfortable/trusting enough to have his guard down (and Yajirobe is not a big deal or difficult to have around) and B.) Yajirobe's movements can be hard to read/catch/predict sometimes.

WHY does he pick up the cat?!:

Yajirobe is no-nonsense and he doesn't like to waste his own time. He relocates the cat, and he does it right the first time. He's not gonna be all like "Move it furball" and then have to keep saying that because Korin moved to a random spot that is still in Yajirobe's way but just in a different way. He knows where he needs the cat and so he puts him there.

This is efficacy in the form of keeping the peace. Yajirobe doesn't care if he disrespects Korin, and when he does he means nothing by it; but if kicking the cat / punting the cat / pushing him away with his foot would cause such a fight, then he won't do it. He doesn't have the time for a fight. He's making mac n cheese.

Worth mentioning that both are probably really bored all of the time. If he doesn't grab that cat often, then this opportunity may be an enticing piece of stimuli.

So yeah he grabs that cat.

Ummm. What else is there to say........I mean I mean FURTHERMORE:

Yajirobe keeps coming back to Korin Tower. He never wanted a friend, and he never asked for a friend, but he has found someone that he becomes very comfortable with. And if Yajirobe is about personal comfort and pleasure and peace - it is very, very nice to have someone who accepts you, will have you, and who is sometimes even happy to see you. That makes relaxing easy. That makes life enjoyable. Of course he keeps coming back.

Master Korin probably appreciates the fact that there is somebody whom he knows consistently over the years. Usually when he meets someone, it's like starting over every time - but he's had years of conversation and memories with Yajirobe that they can both draw on. Korin can tell a joke and know that it'll land, and they probably have inside jokes too. And it's not like Korin has ever had, or has ever expected to have, a roommate who can be sensibly considerate. Yajirobe knows the foods Korin likes and he considers this when he goes hunting and gathering. He knows what'll piss him off and is sometimes inclined to use this knowledge for good, to keep the peace. Yajirobe may be rude, but he really is reasonable - he will do what feels nice and he'll do what needs to be done. And he doesn't mince words either. He says what he means and nothing more.

So.

DOES HE LICK THAT CAT?

Probably ....

Like I don't see why not ....

VERY IMPORTANT ELEMENT THAT I FORGOT TO WORK IN:

Do ... you know the madness of isolation? Not only that but isolation with another. Yajirobe and Korin definitely develop their own language. And since they are the only ones there, everything they do is through no one's judgement but their own. And they were already pretty comfortable with the weirdness of the world to begin with. The monotony of isolation absolutely dulls and then erases any conventions for normalcy that you had. AND WHAT WAS THERE TO BEGIN WITH? They were both already completely anti-social. At first Yajirobe wouldn't lick that cat becasue he has self-respect but he's up there so long that he grows so comfortable with Korin that he has jurisdiction over and no qualms with licking that cat. HONESTLY IT'D BE WEIRD IF HE DIDN'T?

It'd be weird if he didn't. It'd be weird if he wore judgement like a hat. It'd be weird if he denied himself anything. He licks that cat.

And the cat lets him.

Korin has just as much self-respect as Yajirobe does. He allows himself life's pleasures. He would enjoy the pleasures of trust and comfort, and he would enjoy being licked.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Korin is a wise old hermit who is a crazy bitch who has found someone who invokes him to yell "SHUT UP" to without a moment's thought for his own elegance of image. Yajirobe treats Korin with the irreverence of a mortal and it has nothing to do with a disrespect for Korin and everything to do with a respect that Yajirobe has for himself. They don't hate each other but they have disliked everything about the other's unchanging nature since day one. They feel the comfort of friendship when around each other and Yajirobe is eternally motivated to climb that tower (or use a hovercar if it can reach that altitude). Honestly Yajirobe probably just stays there becasue it's a hassle to have to climb up it again every time and he knows that that's where he'll end up anyway. Korin is a cat and he likes to be licked. End post

STAY GORGEOUS !!

[honouredsnakeprincess]

Righto! I have torn myself from my oh-so-dilligent art-historical studies to watch another episode of Mr Robot! That's right, it's time for my thoughts on Season 2, Episode 3! This time, I took notes, so hopefully I'll have more to say, assuming that what's under the cut is even remotely coherent~

These thoughts aren't necessarily in chronological order. I thought they flowed better like this.

Romero's dead. The first and most obvious culprit, the one suggested by both characters and framing in showing a clip of Mr Robot threatening him with a gun, is that Mr Robot is what did him in. I think it's fair to mark this as barely even a fake-out, but between him and Gideon (and Mobley referencing a plan to hide out in Arizona), it seems like the writers are trying to cut out a lot of the supporting cast from season one in order to make room for new ones this season.

This FBI lady seems like she's sticking around, for starters, since I don't think the writers would go so out of their way to show how restless and unsatisfied she is with her life and her coworkers if she wasn't going to be a recurring character. I was surprised to learn that Alexa was a thing in 2016, which is strange because I was very much alive in 2016 and probably ought to know basic things like that. Anyways, I like her, but I can't tell if her helping Romero's mother roll weed is meant to indicate she's a good person or that she's an adept manipulator. Either way, I'm intrigued~!

On the topic of manipulation, I think it's pretty obvious that Mr Price is trying to pull something, if it wasn't already. You don't just randomly take a new hire out for a fancy dinner with high-ranking executives, and indeed he did have an angle; these honourable men he invited to dine with Angela have dishonourable pasts, and he's given her the choice to strike against them. Personally, I'd wager he'll win either way; either she becomes more complicit in the structures and passive villainy of E-Corp, or he gets to use her as a weapon against men who in some way stand in the way of his own aims. Maybe I'm wrong about this, but there's no way he doesn't have something up his sleeve here.

Price seemed to profess a belief in the importance of great men when describing the WW1 paraphernalia he keeps in his office. Part of me wonders if he fancies himself such a man, or if he is grooming Angela for such a role.

Ray's been an interesting character. He's definitely got his own angle, and needs an adept computer fellow like Elliot to transfer some bitcoins or what-have-thee, in a venture that does not seem to me properly lawful. Still, towards the end of the episode he seems like he has some genuine empathy for Elliot and his situation. I don't know how similar their situations actually are, and part of me suspects Ray is overemphasizing their similarity, but at the same time I think his philosophy, though somewhat fatalistic, is probably what Elliot needs to hear to break him out of this cycle of self-destructive and ineffectual repression he's been in for the past three episodes. It's just not working out, and Mr Robot is still around.

God, the business with the Adderall, huh? I cottoned on to the cement scene being a hallucination or dream sequence pretty quick, and my notes have a tangent about the logistics of killing someone with ingested cement vs regular sand that I won't reproduce here. I've not historically been great with vomiting scenes in film and television, but this one was pretty tame, all things considered. Until Elliot started picking the Adderall out of the vomit. On the one hand, it really does sell his desperation to be rid of Mr Robot, but on the other hand it did rather turn my stomach.

The close-up of Elliot's eyes, pupils mixed with iris, was especially disturbing in a way I can't quite elaborate. I hated the way it kept cutting back to him taking more pills.

The Adderall didn't help much, and the sequence it set off was unsettling, to say the least. I don't think it's usually prescribed for DID, but I am no medicus and will happily be corrected if I am wrong on this front. I suppose that overdosing on any kind of drug isn't generally recommended for anything, though. Again, it sells Elliot's desperation and self-denial, but it also fucking sucks to watch. Poor guy.

When he ran out of pills, I breathed a sigh of relief, though it did occur to me that I know not the withdrawal effects of Adderall, and they may be quite terrible.

Elliot's critique of organized religion rather reminded me of my father. I'm not unsympathetic, but I think his argumentation was flawed. Not the point of that sequence. Marx's critique was both more empathetic and more incisive. Still not the point of that sequence.

Seinfeld is still fucking with Leon. If Elliot was not my favourite character for the quality of his monologues, that place would be occupied by Leon.

Finally, the fact that F Society's former hideout has been found was an interesting way to end the episode. Of course, the group destroyed what evidence they could, and held a party to obscure fingerprints and other biological evidence, but the logic of storytelling inexorably drives me to presume that they missed something big enough that our new FBI friend will get a lead from it.

That or someone will return to the scene who ought not to. We'll see soon, I'm sure!

[andwolvesarewildthings]

Character six song soundtrack tag game-

BG3 Tav!

gloomstalker-assassin resist - durge edition

I saw @chronurgy 's and @daemon-in-my-head 's ones of these and i wanted to see if I could do it.

the internal glimpse of everyone's characters is so cool.

If any one else wants to play! baldur's gate oc or no, I would be delighted to see!

tagging @sevilemar because i'm curious what this format would look like for your dnd character you've talked about.

and

@missbrunettebarbie I don't know if you have any characters you'd like to do this for? yours or ones you like, fun either way

no pressure, obviously, boiling things down is not an easy exercise for me.

1. an event that defines the past

durgetash netherbrain plot as a fatalistic bid for autonomy not just on his own behalf...

and resulting consequences and betrayals and the inevitabilities thus.

There's no saving anything Now we're swallowing the shine of the sun There's no saving anything How we swallow the sun But I won't be no runaway 'Cause I won't run No, I won't be no runaway What makes you think I'm enjoying being led to the flood? We got another thing coming undone And it's taking us over We don't bleed, when we don't fight Go ahead, go ahead Throw your arms in the air tonight... ...What makes you think I'm enjoying being led to the flood? We got another thing coming undone We got another thing coming undone And it's taking us over And it's taking forever

Echo He took so much from you Echo You know not what to do Echo I watched you start to fade Between the drips in the dark tunnel now I hear you call your name Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo (I'm still here) Echo, echo, echo, echo, echo (I'm still here)

2. how they see themselves - post-TBI, i think? got that autonomy, and absolutely terrified.

Going Going Going I'm going- trying to stay alive Don't - down- want to be alone like Going- trying to stay alive Don't -down- want to be alone like Going Down Love it Going Down Love it I'm just tryin' to stay alive Keep the fire down Don't want to be alone Like yesterday But the durge feeling of this one is very much in the soundscape

There's a war inside my head And I'm drowning in regret When the lights come down Got an empty crown My body's missing pieces Can't pull it all together

3. how others see them

I'll be an animal A carnivore I'll be a monster Clenching my jagged jaws Over the capture... ... I'll be a forest fire about to flood Over an empire I'll be an avalanche chewing its rupture I'll be a killer whale when I grow up I'll be a monster

So, Apollo, bring me back To the place I was before I met you And Icarus, lead the way To where I need to go I hear your footsteps now Barefoot soles on the bathroom floor And on my way out I told you I would never leave

4. their closest dynamic (romantic or platonic)

past closest dynamics and it's resonating present consequences. Gortash and Orin. we have gotten to the act three who's killing who here dance and it's tearing him apart.

Come get your name Reanimate, I lose Come set your frame Assassinate, I lose... ...Come stake your claim Recalculate, I lose Congratulations... ...Something about you Is making me lock up, guess I lose

But if you're gonna make me do it How'd you want it done Is it best to sip it slowly Or drink it down in one Every time I try to bring it down You always turn my head around, oh Make up your mind Let me leave or let me love you While you've been saving your neck I've been breaking mine for you The power is on, the guillotine hums My back's to the wall, go on, let it fall Make up your mind Before I make it up for you The executioner's within me And he comes blindfold ready Sword in hand And arms so steady

5. fight scene

Oh, you fool, there are rules, I am coming for you (You can run but you can't escape) Darkness brings evil things, oh, the reckoning begins (You will open the yawning grave) Oh, you fool, there are rules, I am coming for you (You can run but you can't escape)

6. end credits -

the light that is people to love and fight beside... but also grief.

When everything was broken The devil hit his second stride But you remember what I told you Someday, I'll need your spine to hide behind For fear of moments stolen I don't wanna say goodnight But I'll still see you in the morning Still know your heart and still know both your eyes I could have told you 'bout the long nights How no one loves the birds that don't rise So you can tell the heroes go hide My sense of wonder's just a little tired But if only you could see yourself in my eyes You'd see you shine, you shine I know you'd never leave me behind But I am lost this time Are we destined to burn or will we last the night? I will hold you 'til I hold you right But if only you could see yourself in my eyes

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

Ok, so for my own sanity I gotta try even in the smallest of ways to start being positive again. Yes I do feel most of the time that we're living in a dystopian time. However I was watching a YouTuber I follow he made a point on his last vlog that made me stop and think. 'That if we all fatalist about the future thinking nothing can be done to change it and that things are just going to keep getting worse, they will.' So the pattern repeats it's self. Instead, we all must stop doing this try as hard as we can to start looking for good again, to look where progress is being made in the world. With the climate crisis, with human rights, with the rights of women and girls, lgbtqia+ rights, Juneteenth is now a national and federal holiday in our country. Even though I say the opposite far too offen, I know there are good people in this world. I know this in a very personal way because I'm privileged and fortunate to have some the very best people in world in my life. I would not make it through without them.

I may be a realist, but I no longer want to be a fatalist.

[desertfangs]

Had some thoughts after reading your recent fic

Do you think Armand and Daniel might have had a slight role reversal in terms of energy levels after Daniel was turned? When Daniel was mortal he was always getting older and more tired and finding it harder to keep up with the forever 17 year old with an immortal's boundless energy.

But when he's finally in the blood, maybe it was Armand's turn to feel like the slightly grumpy and tired 500 year old man with his hyperactive puppy of a fledgling.

I'm just picture newly turned Daniel throwing a coat around Armand's shoulders and dragging him out the door while Armand tries to suggest they have a night in, wondering if this is how Daniel felt all those years

Oh my gosh, this is a great question! (Also thank you for reading my fic!!)

I do think maybe they have a slight role reversal. Or, at the very least, their dynamic changes a little. Daniel is very high on being a vampire at first. Armand tells him, "You take a lot of teaching." He's a little overwhelmed by Daniel as a vampire, and Daniel is a little overwhelmed by heightened vampire senses, and while they are in the midst of a crisis, I do think Daniel takes some time to adapt to his vampire senses and abilities. I think Armand is fantastic maker and teacher, and Daniel is lucky to have not only him there but also so many others who can give him tips and tricks and also tell him stories about when they first turned.

(I will say I don't think Daniel is particularly an outlier. It might be an unpopular opinion, but I think his reaction to vampirism is pretty standard, especially given how potent Armand's blood is. We don't get a lot of him as a vampire until we see him again mad in Marius' house, but I've mentioned before I don't think it was being overwhelmed by vampirism that did him in, but rather Armand's apparent death drove him mad.)

But yes, once Daniel has the blood and is a vampire, he's no longer being run ragged by trying to keep up with Armand. And he's also no longer burdened with the knowledge of his own aging and death. I am older than Daniel was when he was turned, and I can tell you as you get older, your body DOES WEIRD SHIT. Stuff stops working as well. And I'm not even THAT OLD. But like... imagine living with Armand, ageless and turned at 17, while Daniel keeps finding more gray hairs or new lines on his face or he can't move his left arm one night because he slept on it funny - that had to have to weighed heavily on him. So I think it was just the sword of Damocles, over him all the time in those last couple of years, and no matter how hard he tried to ignore it and push it back, it was hanging above him ready to fall.

So Daniel is lighter and unburdened as a vampire. He's ready to live forever with Armand. And Armand is absolutely proud of him and still loves him, of course, but Armand is a fatalist who starts to worry about when things will fall apart. I don't think that fear becomes too pronounced until later and I don't think he starts subconsciously pushing Daniel away for years yet, but it's in the back of his mind that Daniel may not need or want him anymore one day.

So in that respect their roles have changed. Daniel probably is excited to go travel or see some show or just go to Miami and walk around and shoot the shit and talk about the drunks stumbling past and all the tourists running around. He wants to go see and do everything now that he can do it without stressing about the lines on his face when he catches his reelection. He's excitable and hyper and like... I don't know how long dude is high on being a vampire, but I kind of think that initial burst probably lasts a while. And Daniel is talkative and affable and no doubt getting along with everyone.

Armand, meanwhile, is also dealing with all of his ex's in his house. So there's that to consider, too. And playing host. And running whatever business he's running on Night Island and elsewhere. (He has people! But he still needs to sign checks and papers and check in.)

So yeah, I do think a lot of '86 and '87 and maybe even '88 are more of Daniel going "Hey, boss, let's go see this thing or do this thing" and Armand being a little more... maybe not reluctant but less quick to jump on board with the idea. Not all the time. He's still Armand, he still likes to go see things and learn things! But sometimes!

I'll tell you, I think the real karma is Benji and Sybelle, wherein he has to indulge their interests and needs and suddenly Armand is there at TG remembering when he used to be the one dragging Daniel out the door as Sybelle grabs his hand and drags him to the music store or to see some concert and he's like "Ah, this must be how Daniel felt."

Thank you so much for the ask! Sorry for the long essay. TL;DR: Absolutely! LOL! I love the idea of Armand grumpily sitting in his office wondering if he can hide out and avoid being dragged to yet another rock concert with Daniel and Lestat over on the mainland for the 3rd time in a week.

[livsspecialinterests]

So I absolutely love your “the dead should stay dead” fic, since it kind of makes a point of how short sighted Beetlejuice’s plan was. Like, he’s gonna bring himself to life, and then what? He has no money. No job, no social security number or birth certificate. He doesn’t even know how to take care of himself. He’d probably die from eating bad food out of a trash can, or falling off a roof because he forgets he can’t float.

The guy has never been alive before, and he wouldn’t last a week without help.

pff LITERALLY.

I feel like he came up with his plan completely in response to feeling abandoned by Lydia and it's so poorly thought through because of that.

his thought process seems to just be

come alive

???????

profit

like babe what was your end goal here??

ahh thank you i'm really glad you like the fic! I wanted to try to keep everyone in character as much as possible while still allowing the characters to develop and react to things in a believable way. i'm going to get more into Beej's psychology in later chapters but was originally really worried that him being so pathetic and immediately almost getting himself killed was a bit much?

i'm happy with how it's going and people reading it seem to find his actions believable so thats nice!

I kind of think he's really close to giving up entirely in the actual musical - like it takes one musical number for him to completely give up hope for the Maitlands, then he goes up to the roof to mope about how all hope is lost.

in that way I can see him being really fatalistic once he's become human. I also see him as using his big scary demon-ness as a cover for just being afraid a lot of the time (like how much he flinches at loud noises in the show - thank you for that lil detail, Alex Brightman!) so once all his powers are taken from him (again, really poorly thought out plan) he can't lash out and make himself big and scary... all that's left is his fear.

Again I'm going to go into it a little more later in the fic but he's used to being the youngest and littlest demon in the Netherworld, and in those situations where he couldn't talk himself out of trouble when he was a kid, he'd have to either run away, or accept the beating and hope whoever was attacking him would get bored eventually.

He's never been human before, but he's been vulnerable before, so his behaviour sort of defaults back to how he had to act when he was a kid - mixed in with some snark because he's still a little shit who can't help himself sometimes

sorry for the absolute essay but i love talking about Beetlejuice's feelings lol

[sidisaspecto]

Guidelines

Please give a like to let me know you've taken a gander at my rules.

Updated 07/18/2024

ABOUT:

Kar/Karmun/Karthonic either-or. If you'd rather separate mun/muse you can use my middle name, Asher to refer to me.

They/Them is cool.

From New York, so the timezone is EST.

Birthday’s January 1990, so 30+

Spoonie with AuDHD

Artist, and educator, so I can get busy. I commute, so I'm on the train for a few hours a day,

You can reach me on here or on discord. Just ask.

Personal blog @karthonic.

On mobile most of the time.

Also run @stellevatum & @obscurushydrae

GENERAL:

Above all else: Be Excellent to each other and party on, dudes!

This incarnation Kar is for ARK: SURVIVAL EVOLVED ONLY. This blog is Private and part of a closed RP group. I will only write with people who have been accepted. If you want to join in, visit @stargazertribe. I will be softblocking followers who have not submitted to the group after a week or so.

Please don’t follow/interact if you’re under 18, or if you've not been approved.

If you want other Sci-Fi stuff, go follow @stellevatum. For Paranormal/Supernatural stuff @obscurushydrae

Communication is key. My muse might be intimidating, but I'm not-- just very busy and on mobile more often than not. Don’t know something, or want me to elaborate: ask! I forgot a reply or not feeling a thing anymore, lemme know. I'm good. I like get to know the people I write with, it makes me plot things better.

There will be casual mentions of recreational drug use, more often than not mentions of alcohol than drugs, but will be tagged upon request. Other possible triggers are her fatalistic humor and self harm.

This is not a content resource blog. If you’re here for the pretty pictures, aesthetics, or memes, this is not the blog for you.

Godmoding is discouraged but I’m not going to stop it. In this universe, respawn is canon.

Most art is mine but will be credited. If I reblog any art reposted without the original creator’s permission, let me know. I’ll remove it.

IN CHARACTER:

Much of her bio not public knowledge, your character would not know it unless explicitly told by her, or we have discussed it OOCLY.

ASKS:

Askbox will only be open for IC interactions, save for when the meme specifies Mun. IMs are for OOC communication. Anon feature is for sideblogs, multimuses to interact ICly with me. Any Anon messages good or bad directed to the Mun (outside of memes) will be ignored. The Anon feature is privilege, I will revoke it for my well-being if need be.

No Magic Anons, please!

There’s no need to wait to send me a meme if you’ve followed me for 5 minutes or 5 months, send the thing.

Reblog Karma is going to be enforced on this blog. That is, if you reblog an ask meme off me, please send me one. Otherwise, reblog the meme from @karref

THREADS:

Jump on any open post, there’s no need to ask permission, they’re there for that reason!

I will be keeping my posts simple! I don't have the time/energy to make formatted posts, and I like to keep things as accessible as possible. I do try to keep track of the heavily plotted stuff, but the casual things might drop off. Feel free to remind me if it's been a bit!

Communicate! If you’re having trouble writing a reply, talk to me! If you don’t like or not feeling a thread, say so and drop the thread. That also doesn’t mean things are done for good. Come to me if you want to skip/do something else.

If you’d rather we move things to discord, just ask! I’ll set up a server just for us!

SHIPPING:

I don't entirely expect to ship Kar in this verse but willing to discuss the possibility. leave the rest to chemistry and just how we as writers write. Kar is into male muses, and will be polite about turning other people down, unless one doesn’t take the hint.

I will only write ships with muns older than 21, but 25+ is preferred.

TAGGING/ HARD LIMITS:

Blood, Gore, Body Horror, Drugs, etc, will be tagged with (name); for instance drugs; . Special Tags on request.

Posts will be tagged upon request, just let me know!

If you read and understand this, I would appreciate if you'd leave a like the post, that way I know you have without forcing a password.

But if you'd like to message me, here's a DM icebreaker: What's your favorite extinct animal? (If you're lucky I may have cool fact about it.)

HOPE TO WRITE WITH YOU SOON! :D

[junpeicindystories]

CICONIA SPOILERS Utopia "Lyrical" Interpretation and Analysis

So I have seen people write lyrics for this song that is at the end of Ciconia, but I want to write my own interpreted lyrics its not finished but here is my interpretation and how it fits into Ciconia's themes:

Independent Colorful/less Rest in peace is everything and nothing we came before let it fall x2 I want to di/resolve I want to run away from everything distant love join another piece I'm missing myself I run away from my shadow run from my memory is afraid another place you'll b

first I skipped the lyrics from the beginning I didn't feel like forcing words I couldn't hear at first I only started to interpret at 0:33 of the song. I feel like my start of this one was the worst but it resonates with some themes of ciconia

its everything and nothing... we came before...." I choose to interpret at :40 like how ciconia probably like other WTC are a time loop? I'm just assuming sorry I haven't gone through data frags yet... but usually from "prophecy" etc from MIYAO is how I interpret

"let it fall let it fall" (I interpret this as some of the defeatist or fatalistic perspective within the story idk guys I'm an idiot) "I want to dissolve/resolve" either interpretation I think would work because some of the characters do want to fix things and others

want to dissolve themselves from their bodies being free from their flesh cage. "I want to run away from everything" obviously because all the kid characters are in a horrible situation where they want to escape from it esp at the Christmas scene

"distant love ????? join another piece" also I lied about not interpreting some of the first lines at 0:25 I hear "to sigh??? infatuation" sorry I had to force you away to go back to the beginning I'm like that. so obviously this might refer to miyao meow jayden

they are so close yet so far in that sense the war separates them. they are just starting to fall more and more in love and yet everything is falling apart around them the world. "joining another piece" I feel like you can interpret fragments or chess pieces idk

"I'm missing myself" I interpret here maybe from miyao's perspective cuz you know identity issues "I run away from my shadow" obviously maybe stemming from MIYAO... prollly idk and "run away from my memory" probably cuz whatever is going on with Miyao there's something unpleasant

like idk yet "is afraid" "another place you'll be" idk gusy you can try to interpret other characters perspective etc I'm an idiot and these are simply speculations. but I get the feeling there's is more escapist themes at the end or

I might be at liberty to interpret this from miyao's mother? her fear of being in the hell that she wants miyao to help her escape from? idk but obviously ciconia is a war story and the kids all have to put aside their bonds for this whether they want to or not.

stripped from their independence to be free to keep their bonds with others and put their time in staying together making more memories and being happy things like that... but of course the lyrics I feel iffy on the interpretation like resolve dissolve relating to koshka

characters who hate their own body. characters who were forced to live in dirty air fearing to go back to those cities that didn't have clean air. so... that's what I think so far... so... now you can see why my dumbass never writes analysis. I'm a rambling moron haha but ty

[chili-mango]

dammit readmore, work properly.

Honestly I just. I wish you'd put your pride and bitterness aside for me. I wish it was more important to you that I feel safe and cared for than for you to feel... I don't know. Successful? Comfortable? Justified in your rejection? Something. Whatever it is.

I just feel sometimes like you think it's more important that I stay with you and keep you feeling taken care of than that I feel taken care of. Maybe that's not true. It's probably not true.

But I feel like I DID try to ask you for what I needed to feel taken care of and instead of wanting to make sure I was taken care of, you either just straight-up didn't understand what I was asking you to do, or you felt you couldn't achieve what I needed and that made you feel like you weren't enough and you got defensive.

Which, like. I get it. I do. I've started to feel like not enough and gotten defensive because that hurt my ego. It attacked my sense of self as a good, empathetic, supportive, understanding, patient partner. The fact I started to feel like my needs weren't being met because you were too depressed to meet them even after I'd done my best to be supportive and understanding and self-sacrificing and patient made me by turns resentful for not getting what I needed AND ashamed that I couldn't be eternally patient, eternally giving.

And then when I would try to communicate a need, it seemed to be either misunderstood or make you feel terrible. So I learned not to express my needs, or when I had to, to communicate them without genuine vulnerability-- to demand, to cajole, to show frustration or condescension because I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO KEEP ASKING FOR YOU, WHO LOVES ME, TO CARE FOR ME IN THE WAY I ACTUALLY WOULD FEEL CARED FOR.

Maybe if I HAD been more patient, or more vulnerable, if I'd been able to keep asking gently for what I needed, if I hadn't shut down and gotten discouraged, you wouldn't have felt so threatened and criticized. But at the same time, maybe if you hadn't been so defensive or so wrapped up in the unworthiness you felt, I could have felt like you were safe to communicate with.

I genuinely just have no idea what to do to make us work, even if, deep down, I just wish we could. I chose you for a reason. I chose you because I did think you were good enough and worthy enough and valuable enough. It's just that you having worth as a person doesn't mean I make enough money to support us both-- every time we've gotten together I lose ALL my savings AND any grandparents' inheritance trying to keep us afloat-- nor does it mean that you expressing constant fatalistic dissatisfaction with your life doesn’t also get ME thinking in depressive loops.

I can't do that. It's quite literally an existential threat to me. I would get so suicidal, I would get to the point I was constantly wanting to not wake up, hoping I would get hit by a fucking car, but getting up and going into work anyway because you were depending on me.

I don't know if you knew that, actually. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you don't know I wanted to die, and the only reason I didn't was because I thought it would make your life harder (though, I mean, you WOULD have gotten my life insurance payout; you still would, you're still listed as my benefits recipient). (Also, I promised my little sister years ago that I wouldn't do that, and I'm keeping my word.)

[someoneoffthestreet]

this new song has me scratching my head because at first glance the lyrics kind of play out like your typical love song, but I keep getting stuck on the title: "No Promises to Keep"

looking at the lyrics, I'm trying to find the narrative: that the singer is talking about this person, and how it was neither fate nor destiny that brought them together, just random chance. so now that they are parting again, the singer hopes that chance will smile on them again and reunite them. there are no promises, no "I will find you"s or other intents to search for or wait for each other, just a hope that one day luck will bring them back together for good.

(which, in Cloud's own words: "Survival is a matter of luck or skill. And you can't rely on luck.")

laying all that out, the singer insists that they don't need promises, but I feel like the lyrics almost tell on themselves, especially paired with the video that was used for the trailer. the singer hopes that a reunion is in the cards, but hope itself is a sort of promise, betraying the casual attitude to their relationship. and especially I feel the video itself contradicts the "no promises" angle, because it feels like a theme going forward is all about how being a person, being a living creature in this world, is about the promises we make to ourselves and each other, such as Bugenhagen's promise to Seto, or Barret's promise to Dyne. (this is in contrast to Shinra, which makes and breaks promises on a whim.)

the singer (Aerith) says they don't want or need promises, they'll be fine if luck doesn't go their way again. and like, I can see a romantic angle to this, I do, but in the greater scope of Aerith's story, there's something almost fatalistic to this. it feels to me like the song is saying that Aerith is used to broken promises and has learned not to rely on them, because all they bring is disappointment. this also lends a melancholic read to her Resolve scene in Remake, where Cloud says he's coming for her and she just smiles sadly and says "thank you". if we read that this Aerith has some idea of what's in store for her, then there's the idea that she knows that she cannot be saved, and that Cloud is going to carry the guilt of not fulfilling a promise that was impossible to keep. so this is a way for her to say that he's off the hook, he's holding himself to a standard she never held him to, that he doesn't need forgiveness from her because she was never holding him to the promise he made. he was never going to save her, so it was enough that he was there at all. (all AC stuff btw.)

ONE FINAL THOUGHT (and this one is a reach):

because the phrase "promises to keep" makes me think of the closing lines to Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening":

The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.

because maybe Aerith believes that there are no promises between her and Cloud keeping them together- but Cloud has promises of his own. the obvious one is Tifa, of course, but there's Zack, too. Cloud has to keep these promises he has made, and has to keep going, miles and miles, to where the promises lead him back home. but Aerith, who has "no promises to keep", will be parting ways with him and lingering in the woods.

[shallowseeker]

So, what does Dean feel like he's SUPPOSED to be like?

The happy-go-lucky firestarter, ready to bounce back and take on the world, to forgive everyone and have no anxiety about it:

DEAN: What if we win? BOBBY stares at him. SAM turns to face DEAN, who sounds a bit too confident. DEAN: I'm serious. I mean, screw the angels and the demons and their crap apocalypse. Hell, they want to fight a war, they can find their own planet. This one's ours, and I say they get the hell off it. We take 'em all on. We kill the devil. Hell, we even kill Michael if we have to. But we do it our own damn selves. BOBBY: And how are we supposed to do all this, genius? DEAN: I got no idea. But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell attitude, and I'll figure it out. BOBBY (breathless smile): You are nine kinds of crazy, boy.

But beneath that, Dean's struggling:

DEAN: I just said a bunch of crap for Bobby's benefit. I tried, Sammy. I mean, I really tried. But I just can't keep pretending that everything's all right. Because it's not. And it's never going to be. You chose a demon over your own brother—I'm just—I'm having a hard time forgiving and forgetting here. You know?

Bobby set an example about being family:

BOBBY: I was awake. I know what I said back there. I just want you to know that...that was the demon talking. I ain't cutting you out, boy. Not ever. SAM: Thanks, Bobby. BOBBY: You're welcome. I deserve a damn medal for this, but...you're welcome.

But Dean is human, and broken trust is hard to mend. Dean isn't feeling that kind of faith. He's feeling terrified, horrified, fatalistic.

///

Inside, Dean's in a war between John...and Bobby.

Does he become like John, cutting people out because "it's safer (and easier) that way?" Or does he model himself more after Bobby?

John's life was devastated by lies. He was kept in the dark about his hunting heritage and Mary lied to him. She didn't trust him with the truth. She was even more of a hardened, overprotective soldier than he was.

In John's mind, if Mary had trusted him, if she'd told him the truth, they could have worked together to protect their family and home.

We'll see John's devastation in a few episodes re: lies and not being trusted. 5x13:

John sees Mary fight, and he recognizes that she's good—too good. (In fact, she's a better fighter than he is—and as it turns out even more of a soldier than he is—a child soldier, raised in a hunting family.)

He's devastated, but not necessarily because of the hunting. It was the lies. Here, John sees her overprotectiveness as a lack of trust.

He was chosen as a father, but he was never given the chance to know about the danger. He was cut off from gathering tools, preparing, or even trying to protect them.

And so, Mary starts tapping her family resources to keep them all safe, and John feels like a total outsider, not important enough to be in the know.

Not a hunter, and not a trusted protector.

"A nice civilian boy."

John is rendered a damsel, waiting around for distress.

Sam and Mary jump into hunter shop-talk, talking a lingo that John can't understand.

It's not the kids' table, exactly. At least not in the way that Sam and Jack will struggle with it. But John's definitely an outsider, hearing the lingo and trying to keep up: "thingy" and "whatever- it-is."

John's at the Civilian table. The damsel table.

///

Everyone struggles with outsider-ness. Dean has it regarding the angels/angel wars. We hear echoes of this in how Dean refers to Cas's fellow soldiers as "frat bros" (s5-6). We hear it in Dean's words in s12, about being treated too preciously: "You're not our babysitter, Cas! Besides, when have we ever been safe?"

The thing is... in response to it all?

John hardens. "Life" happens to him. And it ain't pretty.

Many of our main characters will express these same fears, of being ineffective, of being useless.

Faliures.

And Dean gets it. He has a lot of sympathy on this front.

But when John's trust and faith in the world breaks, he tends to respond to strife by overpreparing... to the point of cruelty and neglect. John's armor damages the very thing he sought to protect in the first place. His family.

John' retreated into a hardened shell of cruelty and coldness.

///

But back to Dean in 5x04:

Dean's feeling prickly, defeated, fatalistic, and now he's feeling on the precipice of hardening, too. This conversation between Bobby and Dean in 4x22 is something Dean's been ruminating over:

BOBBY: You don't mean that. DEAN: Yes I do, Bobby... BOBBY: You stupid, stupid son of a bitch! Well, boo hoo, I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good?! Bake you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family! DEAN: I told him, "you walk out that door, don't come back" and he walked out anyway! That was his choice! BOBBY: You sound like a whiny brat. No, you sound like your dad. Well, let me tell you something. Your dad was a coward. DEAN: My dad was a lot of things, Bobby, but a coward? BOBBY: He'd rather push Sam away than reach out to him. Well, that don't strike me as brave. You are a better man than your daddy ever was. So you do both of us a favor. Don't be him.

///

So, what are some of Dean's other anxieties lately?

The conversation with Bobby is huge. Dean is reeling from how SCARY it is to become disheartened and disillusioned by both trusted enterprises (Heaven) and trusted family (Sam). Dean wonders if his own feelings (numbness, depression, betrayal) are going to turn him into John. No one's bouncing back right now, not even Bobby.

Obviously, Dean is anxious about being Michael's "receptacle." We see that when he faces off against Zach, and how their words manifest, and we also see this when Dean sees the state of Raphael's vessel.

Then there's losing Cas and feeling guilty about failing him. Cas is a frustrating bastard, so Dean spends a lot of time bickering with him instead of showing his guilt outright, but we DO see Dean's guilt at work. Dean was, after all, quick to go to face off against Raphael, mentally reworking his mental picture into it being a suicide mission for both of them, even though Cas was pretty straightforward about Dean being expected to survive it off the bat, "Because no angel would dare harm you."

There's also losing Cas and THEN being (rightfully) scared of Cas coming back. It was scary as Hell that Cas, someone you can't punch without hurting your own hand, could die in the first place. It's even scarier that Cas comes back. Good things don't just happen... What's the friggin' catch?

And after all those heroics, Cas is kinda fatalistic about joining their side. What is now the losing side. Cas said it himself: "It was all for nothing. You and your brother failed." So... Maybe Dean likes Cas. Maybe he was in awe of how cool and heroic Cas was, but after the fact, Cas is just as demoralized and fatalistic as Dean himself is, grasping at equally hopeless straws. Cas thinks his ideas or stupid; he thinks Cas's ideas are stupid. What if Cas is regretting it--would rather, IDK, "belong to a much better club?" What is Cas is only here because now he's stuck with them now? What is Cas is mad because Cas knows he made the wrong bet because Dean and his family are just a bunch of failures, totally not worth falling for? What if Cas falling has nothing to do with Dean... what if it's all family baggage, like with Raphael, and Dean isn't important to him at all? And wait just a damn minute... What's this bubbly feeling in Dean's stomach... Does he WANT to be important to Cas? NOTE: // We'll get an echo of this in Dean's reversal-power arc in s10, as AnneMarie laments Demon Dean's "heroics:" ANNEMARIE (ABOUT DEMON DEAN saying he was defending and protecting her): Yeah. I thought so, too. Seeing you take on Matt, I was like, “wow”" no one's ever done that for me before. But then you kept going and going, and I realized whatever is going on with you has nothing to do with my “honor” at all.

A huge one: Dean's more reliable parent, the ever-present Bobby, has also become fatalistic and depressed. To make matters more complicated, now Bobby is disabled... because he chose to save Dean by stabbing himself in the gut. What if Sam's right, that Bobby won't bounce back this time? Bobby isn't doing too well with feeling "useless."

Oof: That brings us to Cas's failing powers. Cas can't heal Bobby anymore. Cas isn't invincible. He can fuckin' die. He can fuckin' bleed. He can get angry. His powers failing. That's...scary as Hell. Cas can't find them on command anymore. They have to talk to him via phone. Dean may start off feeling wary of the rib sigil and Cas's other abilities, but confusingly, Dean also WANTS Cas to be able to fly to him at the drop of a hat. Cas's protection is... well, even with Dean's misgivings and frustrations about a few things lately... Dean likes it.

Becoming disillusioned with Sam. Sam is one of Dean's stabler relationships in his life. But Sam was, in the demon's words, RECKLESS and ARROGANT. It's the folly of youth, it's growing up. Everyone goes through it, but man oh man, it's hard. It's true that depression can be severe, that it can LOOK like a person is self-involved and selfish, because they're just trying to survive. Sometimes big emotions and depression can give a person tunnel vision, and Sam... definitely has tunnel vision. Sam only has the energy to care about himself right now, and while understandable, that sucks for Dean.

Acting Weird (TM) around Cas in 5x03. I think this could be a source of some sexual anxiety. Maybe Dean even feels weird about the brothel. Maybe there's some kind of weird pull/connection towards Cas that Dean's feeling that he can't find a proper label for. A weird hero worship (?), fluttery (?), cranky (?), friendship-something (?) connection (?) Even though they're Friends now by 5x04, and they're trying to see each other's point of view and come to a compromise about their respective Hail-Marys, there's a lingering something hanging over this strange insterest, a sense of wanting to understand each other. It's like a "shared perception" that is "surprisingly physical." Heart palpitations and sweaty palms and--maybe he feels weird when Cas gets close, okay? Especially when they're alone. So Dean blasts him to move back & lays down the ground rules for personal space more firmly. But THEN! He stupidly finds himself wanting Cas right back in his space, moving into it of his own volition. (What the Hell, Dean? Fussing with his goddamn tie and buttoning his shirt. Red-a-fucking-lert, man.) He ALMOST made a fool of himself in 5x03, suffering a case of diarrhea of the mouth (Thelma-Louse? Bert-Ernie? He's gonna start using these analogies with everyone else, just to prove a point. It's not weird. It's NOT. Dean is just...witty. That's all.)

///

What if, what if, what if?

With all of the above, we can suddenly start chasing a LOT of potential rumination for Dean, some of it obvious, like:

"What if Sam says yes to Lucifer? It's clear that Sam needs help with the addictive demon-blood mess he's gotten himself into, and we don't have a living blood family, so who's gonna help him?

What if Sam dies? What if Sam becomes the vessel for evil? What if I can't stop him after he becomes the vessel for evil?"

//

"What if Bobby doesn't bounce back? What if Bobby dies?"

//

"What I lose heart? I'm already feeling so defeated and betrayed. I could, I don't know, stop caring about my car.

I could lose my conscience.

What if not reaching out to my family is, like Bobby said, the thing that makes me like John?

If I turn my back on my brother, I'm becoming hard and cowardly and cruel... just like my dad."

///

"What would the Apocalypse even look like?

All burnt out buildings and crying kids? Zombies? The military killing civilians to save them?

What if THAT'S what makes me like John, a world like that? Where the mission becomes everything. Before everything. A world where I shoot people and don't blink.

Where I don't value loves ones and friends, like Dad?

I'd be heartless."

//

And what if Cas loses heart? He's losing heart already now.

He's bitter and angry and stuck with us. It'd be better if he wanted to stay. Wait, do I want him to want to stay? He's a dork.

But... What if Cas were cooler? The brothel was cool.

What if Cas goes back? What if he likes it too much? What if he turns into a guy like Chuck, ordering 20 women for the night? And that shouldn't bother me. There's no shame in consensual sex, and I was a cool friend.

And this? It just makes Cas cooler. Because Cas isn't Cool. In fact, Cas isn't even that much fun. Who knows why the Hell I feel the urge to laugh and smile when he's around in the first place? If Cas were cooler, maaaaaaaybe then there'd be a better case for me to like him. If I liked a guy, it'd be a cool guy, maybe a guy EXACTLY like me, maybe, or a mix of all the good things, Stable and Familiar in my life. The best and coolest parts of all the men I know and grew up watching. One who knows all the cool songs, like Led Zeppelin.

Someone more human.

He'd also be like family, someone who stays and is reliable.

///

Actually, what if Cas were human?

But oh, no. Human also means no powers, and CAS'S POWERS ARE ALREADY FAILING.

God. If his powers fail, what if he gets hurt? What if he gets injured? And if he gets injured, what if because he's not used to it, he gets addicted to pain relievers or something?

He's already feeling down and out. What if... he feels useless? No one likes to feel useless. In fact, I... I don't think Cas would do well with that at all. Bobby sure doesn't.

Cas's used to being strong. Dying bothered him.

///

Why do I feel so connected to Cas? I thought I've felt things, but not like this. What if my past connections were more like Cas? Maybe it's the camaraderie that comes with all of it that's making me feel like this.

What if there was a woman like that, like Lisa or Cassie, but militarily competent and biting and sassy and willing to disagree with me and get SUPER mad at me?

Maybe then I'd feel that same feeling, the--the whatever-it-is. This thing I can't label. The, uh, weird sense of connection.

////////////

I'm just saying that... What if?

What if this is Zachariah tapping into all of that?

At the core of it, Zach wants Dean To Say yes. And maybe he's recalling Cas's frustrations:

ZACH'S BRAIN: If my devil tells Dean that he'll NEVER say yes, he'll do the exact opposite. Just to be contrary. This is perfect. I'm so smart!

But inside Dean, a different dilemma is playing out. Bobby's way versus John's:

Family makes you vulnerable. Your love for each other and all the various things that each of you loves will become a trail of bodies.

The more things you care about, the more things you lose.

Love is strength, love is weakness.

But Zach isn't seeing the BOBBY VS. JOHN side of the drama, because that's not a struggle that he's given much thought to.

Zach's more preoccupied with the idea of Plucky, Feisty Dean who says No and who does the Opposite of what Zach wants.

Recruiting Dean

Via the Nightmare-land of all his current anxieties.

Zach I - Zach II - Zach III - Say it ain't so - Cas can DIE?! - Bobby, demoralized - Dean and Cas's mutual, pissy fatalism - Love blooming, personal space - You're not much fun, so why am I laughing so hard? - Dean's anixety at being a vessel - Sam: Everybody please panic, I'm a vessel, too!

Disclaimer: I love ALL The End meta, from the ones that look for hidden meanings and the ones where Chuck is hiding incognito in his first-row seats, but I thought this would be a Hella a fun way to ask this question.

///

What if The End is all about Dean and Zach? What is almost everyone IN IT is Zach, tapping into and mocking Dean's churning ruminations and anxieties?

What would that analysis look like? What might we predict? We know that Zach recruited a Jehovah's Witness, and after Dean's call with Sam, Zach entered the motel to try yet another sales pitch.

Zach got into Dean's bedroom. But maybe this time, Zach's going deeper. Perhaps he got into Dean's dreams, too.

In the previous Zach adventures, he tried to give Dean a vision of a loser's life, one Dean wouldn't be able to stand: a corporate yes-man who listened to NPR and steamed his latte like a wuss. Remember his pitch in It's a Terrible Life?

ZACHARIAH: Save people, maybe even the world. All the while you drive a classic car and fornicate with women. This isn't a curse. It's a gift. So for God's sakes, Dean, quit whining about it. Look around. There are plenty of fates worse than yours. So are you with me? You wanna go steam yourself another latte? Or are you ready to stand up and be who you really are?

But just like he will later miss the mark on Adam's personality a bit, he misses on Dean at first, too. Dean cares about family.

"My father's name is Bob, my mother's name is Ellen, and my sister's name is Jo." // "Are you saying my family isn't real?"

///

We'll hear Zach make more pitches to Dean in the beautiful room in Lucifer Rising. Time-honored things that, from his experience, tend to work when recruiting humans, from happy memories to food to TV fantasy to food to sexual adoration:

ZACHARIAH: Try a burger. They're your favorite. From that seaside shack in Delaware. You were 11, I think. DEAN: I'm not hungry. ZACHARIAH: No? How about Ginger from season 2 of "Gilligan's Island"? You do have a thing for her, don't you? DEAN: Tempting. Weird. ZACHARIAH: We'll throw in Mary Ann for free. DEAN: No, no. Let's... bail on the holodeck, okay? I want to know what the game plan is.

///

ZACHARIAH (to a crying Dean): And when it's over... and when you've won... your rewards will be... unimaginable. Peace, happiness... two virgins and seventy sluts.

///

We'll get a whiff of AU Zachariah's tactics with a nervous, broken Kevin Tran in s13, too:

Meredith Glynn had intended a more... grayscale view of Zach's intentions via @spnscripthunt-inactive, but either way is very good. Very Zach:

Who knows why, but in Meredith's version, Zach is convinced that Jack is the way, not Kevin.

Anyhoo, more on the Jack-Zach interactions later. For now, I'm just thinking about the whiff of Zach's and upper Heaven management's style of recruiting tactics through Kevin's words:

LUCIFER: Kevin, what are you doing, getting mixed up with Michael? ... KEVIN: ...Michael's taking me with him to paradise world so I can meet hot women. LUCIFER: I'm sorry. What?

Jack, who had also been tortured (stabbed, burned, drowned) by Zachariah, tried to reach out to Kevin. Mary even more so:

KEVIN: Y-you don't understand... then the end of the world happened, and everyone around me-- my friends, and my… my mom-- they all started to die. ... KEVIN: No! Michael says… that when I get to Heaven-- when he lets me into Heaven-- I'll get to see my mom again. I don't care! You don't understand. I… You don't know the things that I've done. I just want this to be over.

Now, we see the truth. Kevin was never interested in the recruitment line, something-something hot women. Not really. That was just a boisterous shield to hide the deeper pain.

He just wanted to see his mom again.

///

So. When we reach 5x04, we see Zach adjust fire with Dean.

In 5x01, he tried a different, more forceful way of recruiting Dean, making him feel terrible about himself.

...I feel like looking at The End as a nightmare land of all of Dean's anxieties is a really fun way to revisit it.

But before that, if we consider this question, what might we predict for Zach to uncover, based on all the stuff Dean is feeling Weird (TM) and Stressed (TM) about right now?

Based on all the other stuff we've been thinking about, I'll make a small list of potentials, starting with the Bobby-Dean confrontation at the end of last season...

[lutawolf]

When "I'm Hungry and I love you" Mean the Same Thing <D/s>

When Vegas and Pete meet again after the club, Pete is pissed. Vegas is once again blindly following daddy, and he is fucking with the people Pete cares about. They stand at an impasse with guns pointed at each other but then Vegas lowers his. Pete is slowly lowering his but then others comes along and he shots Vegas to save him. That isn't going to be the end of it though because Pete is pissed. Vegas has come to his home and made war on the ones he loves.

Vegas "I'm sorry for everything" Pete does not care because he isn't still mad about that. Pete forgave Vegas at the bar; at that time, he just couldn't live with him. He couldn't live with Vegas and be a nobody. A pet with no name. No, Pete is mad about Vegas coming and fucking shooting at his boss and friends. He is rightously made and he is letting Vegas have it.

He is honestly shocked when Vegas says "If I die today, could it be you who kills me" he doesn't ask Pete to make it quick. He'll take whatever Pete gives him. He just wants to die by his hands. Pete "what the fuck are you talking about?" because he had every intention of knocking him out, not killing him. Vegas doesn't care because if he is going to die, he is good with it being like this. " I love you Pete" then proceeds to give him a really sexy bloody kiss. Pete is so stunned that Vegas is able to gently push him away and chase after Kinn.

Pete slowly rises and chases after Vegas. He isn't running to protect his family now. No, Vegas said the words love and Pete is chasing him. When he reaches him, he is immediately concerned for Vegas. He isn't looking at Korn who has risen from the dead. He isn't paying attention to boss and friends, it's on Vegas with softness and when Vegas points the gun at Korn, He's thinking he is about to have to shoot another shoulder. When the other guards show up, he moves into a more prominent position blocking shots, but he does have his gun on Vegas' shoulder.

Vegas leaves, not waiting on Pete but Pete does not hesitate to follow. He is just taking enough time to resign. All Pete Needed Was to Know Vegas Loved Him!! He will follow Vegas to hell now that he knows that. You guys really think that kind of love happened in a week? Half of which was torture. I'm about to prove it.

Pete resigns and says these very telling words "But I cannot betray my own feelings anymore" mother fucker been in love for a while. He just didn't plan on Vegas returning them. Now that he knows he does, he is ready to descend into hell with him. Why would he say betray his own feelings anymore when it's only been a couple days? And honestly, he was angry enough at the bar that we know he felt justified in walking. No, these words are something you say when you've had feelings over time. Then if that still doesn't convince you, what about Korn. Korn is not surprised. He says, "go take care of him." He honestly has no way of knowing about Vegas and Pete, but he would know about Pete's feelings as Arm did. Which is clear in Episode 7. So, Korn knows and gives his best.

Pete catches up to Vegas and he is trying to kill himself. It appears as if Vegas has a death wish but these guys live in a world in which death is a very real possibility. There is death wish and fatalism. I mean fatalistic suicide is real thing but holds differently than normal suicide. Think of a Samera who would cut of their own heads when they lost. That is fatalistic suicide, it is a cultural thing. Which mafia culture is a thing. Vegas has lost everything from his father, his standing, his way of earning his own keep, and he thinks Pete.

Anyway, Pete catches up with Vegas and tells him to stop. Vegas immediately does. Then notice how he is trying to explain it to Pete. He is trying to tell him he has nothing. Then Pete says, "I'm here, Vegas, I'm here" He is trying to explain to Vegas that he chooses him but "why did you follow me Pete, I've got nothing left" Vegas still doesn't understand. Pete rushes to grab him and Vegas asks him to let go but Pete won't. We then have a parallel of them going down like they did at the bar. At the time Vegas was saying that he could provide Pete with care and comfort, now it's a reversal.

"Why did you follow me, Pete?" He shakes Pete off as he stands and once again reminds him that he has nothing left. Pete has helped him before and left so he isn't catching on that Pete is coming with him. "Would you stop saying you have nothing left, I'm right here. And don't turn your back on me like this. Because I'm hungry"

Now this is important. You can see Vegas literally pause, turn a little towards Pete and soften. Food is their love language. Vegas knows that Pete attributes food with care because of his grandmother. That's why Vegas prior to their relationship often offered and provided Pete with food. Bread, pork, asking if he was hungry, then making food, and onward. Food is their love language, just as it is within one of my D/s relationships.

Gif credit to @liyazaki

"Are you very hungry? Can someone else take you to eat?" Am I really who you want? Who you choose? Wouldn't someone else care for you better? "You dare push me away? You dare push me away Vegas?" "Then why the hell tell me you want to be with me?"

"I'm your pet aren't I and I am hungry now. And you walked out. So, I had to come find my owner" As I've said a million times. Pete is more than happy to be submissive to Vegas. He showed Vegas submission even before captivity. Then when their relationship developed, he easily entrusted Vegas with it again. However, before he drew the line at being a pet. Because he didn't want to be dehumanized to Vegas, he wants Vegas to see him and value him. Once he knew that Vegas loves him, it becomes a game changer. Now he is calling himself a pet. Doing whatever is necessary because he loves Vegas that much. Knowing that Vegas returns those feelings, only strengthens that more. However, I also need you to take a moment and realize we are once again paralleling episode 13. Making something ugly, that of something consensual and beautiful. Pete is completely giving himself to Vegas.