#and I just got a message to cover another tutor's session. on physics. I know its low level but im a biology major I remember fuck all

[bare1ythere]

This has been such a "this might as well just happen" term I'm going to spontaneously combust

[babyflossy]

i miss you | p.js

pairing: jisung x reader

summary: the months you spend apart on a study abroad program in paris are almost worth it just to be in each other’s arms again.

genre: fluff

warnings: unedited, cringy french that my french tutor would laugh at me for

word count: 1.6k

when you had told jisung you were applying to a study abroad program, he had plastered on a smile and told you he thought it was a great idea. you had always tried your hardest to be his biggest supporter when he had a comeback, or when he went on tour, the least he could do was repay you in this way. what he didn't tell you, was how scared he was for you to be so far away from him for so long.

sure, your relationship had survived the early mornings and the late nights of his seemingly never-ending work days, it had held strong through the weeks you couldn’t see each other face to face. seeing you had been his biggest motivation on so many occasions, whenever he was anxious to try something new, a new concept or a new show, you were right there beside him; physically or on the other end of the phone line.

so why was it so hard for him to accept this? the one thing you needed in return for all the things you did for him, and he was having such a hard time finding the power to get excited with you.

paris. that’s were your school placed you when you successfully passed the interviews. paris, a twelve hour flight and a seven hour time difference. but when he saw how your eyes lit up whenever you spoke about it, he couldn’t bring himself to voice his worries. he would brave it with a smile, just like you always did.

you were due to spend a semester there, a whole three months on the other side of the world to him. jisung wasn’t sure why he found it so difficult to process, being away from you for so long. what if you found a french boy that you liked more than him? or what if you loved it so much you decided to move there? he didn’t know what he would do if you left seoul for europe.

the departure date you had typed into his phone calendar approached faster than any day ever had, and it was with teary eyes he sent you off the airport alone, unable to risk being spotted in public. you had spent weeks promising to call every day, that it wouldn’t be that different to when he was on tour.

but it would be, he knew that. even on tour, you had always found time to surprise him at different venues with the help of the other dreamies, and when he was kept from you due to his schedule, there was the knowledge that if something bad happened, he was never that far away.

paris wasn’t just a quick drive, though, and the reality set in after he received the last text from you in the same country, telling him you had put your phone onto airplane mode but you would call him when you landed.

the promise was kept, of course, yours always were, and he listened to you ramble tiredly about the flight whilst you spoke hesitant french to the airport staff, trying to find your way to baggage claim. at that moment, the only positive he could think of was how nice your voice sounded speaking french, and how much he wanted you to teach him.

over the next months, you made a point to call jisung at every opportunity you had; in the early hours of the paris mornings before you had fallen asleep and jisung was already waking up for his days, right before he fell asleep as you were cooking dinner. you would facetime and go about your tasks together, finding comfort in the company.

every now and then you would have nights where the longing you felt for your little seoul apartment was overwhelming. where you would wish for nothing but being in your boyfriend’s arms, breathing in the smell of his bodywash and wearing his hoodies. but, alas, you were on the opposite side of the globe with nothing but one of his hoodies and the picture of him as your lockscreen. and your homescreen. and your laptop background.

when the halfway mark passed, jisung felt a little better knowing you coming home was an event on the distant horizon. the last thought he would have before he fell asleep was you next to him again, the smell of your shampoo and your perfume and the tinkling of your jewellery lulling him into a peaceful slumber. the memories of the nights he spent cuddled up to you in your apartment, or falling asleep on the couch in the dorm's living room were almost painful for him when he knew it would be at least another month until he could make new ones with you.

sometimes when he fished one of his shirts out of the bottom of his wardrobe, he would get a drift of your washing detergent, or the candles you burned before you fell asleep. in those moments, he would reach for his phone, texting you a sad message of how much he missed you and wait for the ringing when you face timed him, a melancholy smile on your features in the soft light.

one night after a particularly hard practice session where he had been scolded by the dance teacher, he collapsed on his bed, mentally and physically exhausted. just when he was thinking of heading to bed, the familiar ringtone he had set for exclusively you cut through the gloomy air of his bedroom, a spark of hope shooting through him.

"jisung! how was practice?" your voice crackles over the line and he frowns at the screen, watching you shield your eyes as you stared down at your phone.

"i got shouted at," he mumbles quickly, still trying to figure out where you are. over the time you spent in paris, jisung had gotten to know your surroundings, the different backgrounds in your rented flat, the cafe you frequented, the convenience store at the bottom of your street. but he couldn't make out where you were. "where are you?"

"look!" you beam at him, turning the camera around to show the view in front of you. before you stands the eiffel tower, sheets of rain distorting the picture to your boyfriend. "i know it's raining, but i wanted you to see it! i haven't had time to do proper sight-seeing yet."

"y/n, it's not just raining, it's storming!" jisung exclaims in surprise, watching the monument glitter under the dark clouds, "you're going to catch a cold!"

"i'll be fine, jisung! i promise!" and your promises were never wrong. “but look at it! isn’t it beautiful!”

“it is, i wish i could see it in person with you!” the words come out quieter than he expected and he’s unsure if you’ll be able to hear him over the pouring rain. 

“then i’ll have to bring you here one day,” the camera turns to face you again, hair drenched, mascara collecting under your eyes. in that moment, he thinks he’s never seen such a dazzling sight.

the last stretch of your time in paris is painful for jisung, but the days slip through your fingers as you prepare to fly back to seoul. you spend the last week packing your things and saying goodbye to all the friends you had made, promising to stay in touch so you could practice your french more.

the night before your flight home, jisung calls you one last time, but when you hang up there is no heaviness in his heart, just the burning anticipation of you coming home again.

“y/n!” the voice that shouts it is so painfully familiar, but it sounds so different in person than over the phone. you freeze, eyes scanning the crowd in front of you to meet the pair you’re looking for. when they do meet, you think you can feel tears fill your eyes.

in an instant, a body collides with yours. the fabric of a hoodie is pressed into your face, a bodywash you would recognise anywhere floating up your nose, the arms you had missed so much wrapping themselves around you. for a prolongued minute you stay like that, jisung’s cheek pressed into the top of your head nestled under his chin.

the mask covering his face prevents you from kissing in front of the crowd but he holds you at arm’s length to examine your face. when he’s satisfied you still look like the same old y/n, he buries himself into you again.

“i missed you so much,” your words are muffled by his clothes and only then do you feel the wrapping crinkling behind your back.

“you have no idea how much i missed you,” he mumbles when he pulls away, pulling the brightest purple flowers from behind your back. the look of surprise on your face makes him laugh gleefully, still not believing you’re finally back in front of him. “they’re iris flowers, apparently they’re french. something to remind you of it, i guess.” there’s a blush on his cheeks as he sputters out his explanation, free hand coming to rub the back of his neck nervously.

the tears in your eyes spill over as you launch yourself back onto him, the both of you stumbling back slightly before jisung can catch his footing. “i love you so much.” you press your lips to the expanse of his exposed jawline, hands gripping his shoulder tightly.

“i love you so much as well, but you gotta teach me how to say that in french.”

“mon coeur est à toi pour toujours, jisung.”

[firebrands]

acta non verba

Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, T, college AU, 2.5k words

fill for stony bingo prompt: gladiator

also onao3

*

There are few things in academia that Tony actively dislikes, and being called to his lab advisor’s office after class is definitely one of them.

 Tony fidgets as he stands in front of his professor’s large oak table.

 “You can sit,” Dr. Pym says, motioning to the couch across his table. Tony doesn’t move, hoping that by standing up, they can keep this discussion short.

 “After the explosion last week—” his professor starts, and Tony immediately opens his mouth to defend himself. Unfortunately, Pym has spent a sufficient amount of time with Tony, and raises a finger to silence him before Tony can make a sound. “—we believe that the best way you can give back to the school is to serve your mandatory hours tutoring,” he finishes.

 A moment passes. 

 “I would rather die,” Tony says emphatically.

 “Spare me the theatrics, Tony,” Pym says, sighing. “Just two hours, twice a week. We have some engineering, math, and physics students who’ll do this as well, so you’ll only have one tutee.”

 “From where?” Tony grinds out. “Can’t I just… make a program to teach math…?” he asks hopefully.

 “While that would be fantastically helpful, I don’t want you spending more time on something that can be solved by just showing up,” Pym says primly. He pushes a piece of paper across his desk. “We’re having the orientation tomorrow morning.”

 Tony wants to throw a tantrum, because morning? Tutoring? Tutoring in the morning? But he also knows that battles with Pym rarely ever end in his favor, so he doesn’t. 

 Instead, he finds satisfaction in slamming Pym’s door as he leaves.

 *

 Tony, after two years in university, has come to realize that a lot of it is about weighing costs. This is what he tells himself as he takes two steps at a time to get to the assigned room Pym had given him. It’ll be even more annoying if I don’t do this, Tony reassures himself, as he pulls open the door.

 “Nice of you to join us,” says Pym coolly. He motions to an empty chair, and Tony sags into it, breathless from his mad dash from his dorm room to the classroom. Tony doesn’t have time to survey the rest, instead focuses on blinking away the spots in his vision. Too early to be this tired , he thinks.

 Pym talks about the importance the school gives on providing support for all students, or something, Tony isn’t really paying attention, even if his condition has stabilized.

 “Since you’re all from different colleges, we’ve partnered you up.” A table flashes on screen with their names. “Let’s go around the room introducing ourselves.”

 Tony rolls his eyes and plays videogames on his phone as people introduce themselves. Eventually, he’s called to stand. “Tony,” he says, then sits back down.

 Eventually, people stand to introduce themselves; again, Tony isn’t really paying attention, until someone hovers beside him awkwardly.

 “Hi,” says the hoverer.

 Tony sighs, and looks up, meaning to say “hi,” in the least friendly way possible just because it’s 9AM and no one should ever be friendly in the morning.

 He meant to say that.

 Now he’s just staring at the beautiful, blonde, buff guy standing beside him. His shirt is a size too small, and Tony wants to write a check to whoever told him that it was the right fit. Good lord, Tony thinks. And then the rational part of his brain, small as it is, finally catches up with him.

 “Hey,” Tony says, doing his best to sound suave.

 “I’m Steve,” he says, offering a hand. Tony shakes it. A good grip. A good hand. Oh, god. His thoughts on Steve’s hand stutter to a halt when Steve tells him what he’s taking.

 “An art student?” Tony scoffs. 

 Said art student raises an eyebrow in response.

 “Why are you even taking a math class?” 

 “It’s part of the curriculum?” Steve’s brows knit together and that’s when Tony realizes: hey, he’s even cuter when he’s annoyed.

 “Okay well I’m only ever free Tuesday and Thursday evening,” Tony says. 

 Steve bites his lip and looks irritated. “Fine. I can move stuff around. You better be fucking great at math,” he huffs.

 “Oh darling, I’m fucking great at a lot more than math,” Tony smirks.

 Steve, god bless him, blushes.

 *

 Steve’s late for their first session. They’d chosen the study hall for their lessons; it was situated right at the midway point between their two colleges, and it was usually only filled up by quiet freshmen (the library, on the other hand, was filled with over caffeinated seniors, which didn’t sound very productive to be around).

 Tony’s scribbling calculations about the battery he’d been trying to figure out when Steve comes rushing in. “Sorry I’m late, but I got you coffee to make it up to you,” Steve says, and Tony hides a smile by taking a sip of coffee.

 Steve’s wearing a dark blue henley that brings out the color in his eyes and Tony thinks that he should probably inform Dr. Pym that he is no longer qualified to tutor as he’s going to lose his damn mind.

 When Steve starts solving the problems on the worksheet Tony prepared,  Tony sends Rhodey a message: Oh no. hes stupid cute.

Rhodey immediately responds: ur so dumb istg

 Steve touches Tony’s arm to get his attention. “Okay, I don’t understand how you got from this,” he motions to his calculations, “to this,” he finishes, pointing at the equation Tony had written out.

 Tony stares at the problem equation, then casts a glance at Steve’s hand on his arm. He wants Steve’s hand everywhere, he thinks, with a hint of mania. 

 Steve follows Tony’s gaze and snatches his hand away. Tony tries not to weep at the loss, and instead writes out step by step how he got to the solution.

 After an hour, Tony stands up to get another cup of coffee, and he’s so distracted by the weight of Steve’s hand on his arm that now he can’t remember where they were sitting. Tony peers around and spots Steve resting his face on his palm, seemingly lost in thought.

 Tony stares, memorizing the slant of his nose, the soft curl of his lips.

 And then he walks straight into the glass door.

 Thankfully, the coffee is safe. Tony’s reputation, not so much: everyone had turned to look, and Steve covers up a laugh with his hand.

 “Don’t laugh, do your worksheet,” Tony hisses, sitting back down beside Steve.

 Steve continues to chuckle as he does his calculations. 

 Now it’s Tony’s turn to cover his mouth with his hand, horrified by how fond his smile is.

 *

 “Earth to Tony!”

 Tony looks up from his laptop, where he was preparing a new worksheet for Steve. “What?”

 Rhodey frowns. “I was asking what you wanted to get for lunch.”

 “Whatever you’re getting, honeybear,” Tony responds absently, still tweaking equations as Rhodey huffs and walks away.

 Tony’s reviewing the worksheet when Rhodey comes back with their meals and gently pushes down the monitor of Tony’s laptop to get his attention.

 “Okay! Okay already!” Tony screeches, snatching his laptop away from Rhodey’s reach and saving the file before folding it shut. “Jeez,” he says.

 “Didn’t think you’d have it this bad,” Rhodey smirks, digging into his mashed potatoes.

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tony sniffs, removing the plates of food from his tray and arranging them on the table. “It’s—it’s not that big of a deal,” he says. “Totally harmless, he’ll be out of my hair in a few months.”

 “You guys are a walking thinkpiece about the need to bridge the gap between STEM and humanities,” Rhodey says, rolling his eyes.

 *

 Tony spends more and more time with Steve, eventually meeting his friends (and vice versa). It’s nice, mostly because having more friends means more people forcing him out of the lab and forcing him to live a life, which—it’s nice.

 None of these things matter, of course, at 3 in the afternoon on a Saturday, where Tony is sitting on the floor of Rhodey’s dorm room with his head in his hands.

 Thor pats Tony’s head consolingly. “You could try and talk to him?”

 “He doesn’t like me that way, okay?” Tony’s voice is small, muffled by his position.

 Rhodey groans. “Everyone can see it,” he says.

 “That he doesn’t like me?” Tony asks despairingly. 

“No, that he does like you,” Thor says, rubbing Tony’s back. “Like, everyone. Both sides.”

 Tony curls even deeper into himself. “Yeah, but you’re all idiots,” he mewls.

*

The October air is crisp with the onset of autumn, and Steve lets out an exasperated puff of breath as he pulls up the blanket draped over his shoulder. Sam raises an eyebrow in response.

 Behind them, Bucky slams the door to their apartment shut with a triumphant woop, and begins hustling Steve and Sam down the street: “Let’s go! ”

 Steve’s toes are cold in the night air, and he has never hated Halloween more in his life. Yes, even more than that one time his mom and Bucky’s mom had plotted against him and dressed the two of them up as Woody and Buzz, forcing them to go around the neighborhood much to ten year old Steve’s chagrin.

 “I hate costumes so much ,” Steve whines, and it’s likely the fifth time he’s said it this evening alone, but it bears repeating. Sam and Bucky roll their eyes in tandem. 

 *

 Thor’s house is noisy and cramped and Steve bites down hard on any more complaints, instead making a beeline for the kitchen. Sam and Bucky follow after him, carrying a bottle of tequila and vodka each. 

 Of course, the kitchen isn’t any better—in fact, it’s worse. Still, Steve needs a drink, or fifty, to make this night somewhat bearable. The things he did for his friends, really.

 Thor is in the kitchen, dressed as a pirate (wide brimmed hat and eyepatch included). He’s talking to a guy dressed up as a gladiator, wearing a gold chestplate on top of red robes, and as they approach, Steve realizes who it is.

 “Tony!” Bucky grins, draping an arm around the shorter man and pressing a kiss to his cheek. Tony smiles up at him and the disentangles himself to give Sam a quick hug. “Elvis and… hot professor?” Tony asks, turning from Bucky to Sam, respectively. 

 Sam is clearly taken aback, but before he can correct Tony, Bucky says, “and obviously you went above and beyond with the costume again.”

 Tony preens, and Steve has to wrench his eyes away from the way muscles in Tony’s arms flex as he wipes nonexistent dust off his chest plate. “What can I say? Not all of us can come in wearing a blanket and look as good as him,” he says as he nods at Steve, who's wearing a toga and a crown made of fake golden laurel leaves. 

 “Ugh,” Steve says, eloquent as ever.

 Tony takes this as an opportunity to keep teasing. 

 “Oh boys,” Tony says as he’s approaching Steve, “did you oil him up?” He traces a finger down Steve’s bicep.

 Steve flinches away. 

 Sam laughs. “That’s just his sweat,” he says. 

 Now it’s Tony’s turn to laugh and Steve fights down a blush as he begins looking around for something to drink. 

 *

 So the party’s pretty fun, and it was a blessing in disguise that Steve was barely wearing anything. It’s so crowded in the house, and everyone is sweating. 

 Steve bends down to pull out a beer from one of the coolers stationed strategically around the house and when he straightens back up, Tony’s standing right in front of him. Steve, momentarily disoriented by how stupidly hot Tony is, hands him his bottle of beer.

 Tony, the unflappable flirt, winks at Steve.

 Steve’s however many drinks in, so it’s not his fault that he’s flustered. It’s awful, how flustered he is. 

 Tony laughs, and blows him a kiss as he’s walking away.

 Steve turns to the cooler and briefly considers just dunking his head into the ice water.

 *

 Natasha passes Steve the joint, angling her head away from him as she blows out a cloud of smoke. 

 She juts her chin forward, motioning at the general area where Tony is currently talking to Bucky. Tony looks regal, which is crazy considering he’s wearing sandals, to match the rest of his costume. Still, Steve lets his eyes wander over the expanse of exposed flesh. Tony’s legs, Tony’s arms—Steve swallows as he checks out Tony’s ass.

 “You two should take a picture. It’s cute,” she says, jolting Steve out of his thoughts. Natasha smirks, fully aware of what Steve was doing.

 Steve does not deign to respond, and scowls at her as he takes a hit.

 “Why are you so huffy?” Natasha asks, rolling her eyes.

 “It’s just like,” Steve says, passing her the joint, “you know! He’s just fucking with me.”

 Natasha’s face crumples with disbelief. “You are so dumb.”

 *

 Steve is leaning back on the couch, watching the strobe lights make patterns on the ceiling. He’s having fun, even if he’s just seated with his legs sprawled out in front of him. This is what a good time is like, for Steve: a little tipsy, a little stoned, and very comfortable. He’s not really into parties, much less costume parties, but Sam and Bucky had forced him to come. But they all shared in the knowledge that Steve only agreed because he knew Tony would probably be at Thor’s party, too.

 After a while, Steve gets bored of the lights and he toys idly with the label of his beer bottle, and startles out of his concentration when Tony flops down beside him.

 “Hey,” he says. “You good?”

 “Yeah.” Steve smiles slowly and nods at him. 

 Tony leans against Steve’s bare arm and Steve has never felt so happy to be in costume in his life, he thinks serenely. He hazards resting his hand on Tony’s leg, reassuring himself that if Tony said anything, Steve would just laugh it off and say he was drunk and high (which is sort of true). 

 Thankfully, Tony doesn’t say anything. Instead, he spreads his legs a bit wider, pressing his thigh against Steve’s. 

 Steve lets out a shaky breath. 

 Tony turns to look up at him, his chin resting on Steve’s shoulder. Their eyes meet, and they stare at each other for a moment; Steve can feel Tony’s shallow breaths, can smell the alcohol on him, along with a hint of tobacco. Where would Tony have a pocket to keep cigarettes? Steve thinks, as he continues to chart the plains and valleys of Tony’s face, from the thick lines of his eyebrows to the soft swell of his lips. Steve bites his lip, and he sees that Tony’s eyes flick down at the movement.

 Tony looks up at him again, and he offers Steve a small, apologetic smile.

 “I want to kiss you,” he whispers.

 Steve smiles and leans forward, finally locking their lips together. 

[rogsclogs]

Some Day One Day (Brian May x Reader); Part 2.

taglist: @brighter-thanthe-sky @im-a-sheerheartattack @fruityfreddie @discodeacygotmorerhythm (If you want to be added please message me)

If you still haven’t read part 1 just look up ‘Some day one day’ within my tags, I tag every fan fiction under the name of the series

Feedback is always appreciated! Enjoy :) 

Y/N probably would never admit it to anyone else other than her own subconscious, but she soon started finding the coursework more demanding than she’d initially expected and things started getting a bit out of control for her, making her doubt her choice of a lifetime. At first everything seemed to be going great, she’d made a good impression on Mr. May who knew just how far to push her and the rest of the class so that they could learn new things without tiring them out, but at some point Y/N started losing track of her progress and falling behind unexpectedly.

She didn't even know the reason for all of her mental confusion, but she assumed it was just stress due to all her other classes and assignments and trying to keep up with her social life as well, which is something that most students struggle with, but she was probably just suffering more from it.

All of a sudden the numbers on her papers got mixed up with letters from ancient languages that she struggled to give meaning to and her grades kept dropping like never before, leaving her an anxious mess on her apartment floor every Thursday and Friday after class, wondering why she couldn't just get the fucking answer right and why the fuck it all seemed so fucking fucked up (her own words). Truth is, she wasn't used to failing. She’d been the best pupil of the bunch ever since third grade and, while she truly didn't care too much about being the best at everything, she was used to doing the bare minimum and still getting great results, this simply wasn't the case and she didn't know how to handle the truth of the situation, nor did she know how to break it to her parents that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't meant for astrophysics. 

She’d never hear the end of it, they would assume she was giving up on life altogether and she’d be in deep shit.

Mr. May (he’d told his class that his first name was Brian, but he still expected to be addressed properly in the formal environment of the college campus) had noticed a shift in her attitude, she had always had a sparkling personality in class, raising her hand and proving all the annoying geniuses wannabe wrong when they thought she couldn't figure the answer out and she provided the right one each and every single time. And Brian was so happy with her, he really was, because he’d started to like the girl, he’d started to like the way her eyes lit up when they approached a new topic in class and she wanted to know all about it within the first half hour. He’d sometimes laughed at her enthusiasm, but as the days went by and it started to wear out and be replaced by hollow looking eyes, he realized how much he really missed it. 

Every student was struggling, that's just the way it was meant to work and he knew it. He'd been assigned this course five years prior, so he wasn't new to the job or anything and he was aware that even the smartest of students were bound to have issues, that's what the tutoring sessions were for, but although some of them had quit and given up on the subject altogether, none of them seemed so torn by their grades as she did.

It literally broke his heart to have to give her another bad grade after each test, especially when rewarding her hard work was so much more enthusiastic, but there was close to nothing he could do about it so he just let the look on her face get sadder each day, wondering where he went wrong. Was he really such a bad teacher? He wanted all his students to succeed but maybe he was doing something to prevent that.

“Okay class, good morning and welcome back. So, today you were supposed to hand in your quantum physics assignment, which I hope you all found reasonable enough to finish. I expect it on my desk by the end of class, is everyone good with that?” He spoke while fixing his glasses back on his slim nose and pushing his long curly hair out of his face so he could see better, something he tended to do whenever he started his lecture. 

His big and attentive eyes scanned the room as he softly smiled at his students and their barely awake faces that he had grown so accustomed to. His eyes lingered a bit longer on a certain person though, he’d been keeping an eye on her for some time after all and he watched her from afar, trying to understand what was going on inside her beautiful mind. Y/N wanted to disappear as soon as the words left her professor’s lips, as she realized she’d completely forgotten about that one assignment, too busy trying to finish the one from the week prior, which she still had to hand in. 

Mr. May had been kind enough to give her a pass for once, considering she’d always been on top of her game with handing things in and such, but she was sure that this time around he wouldn't be as understanding and she was admittedly quite scared of talking to him. The lesson went on as normal, they were covering the topic of interplanetary dust and learning all the basics about it since they were then expected to do a whole research about it as part of their final exam.

Y/N was trying her hardest to focus on the enormous blackboard stuck to the wall in front of her, but a little voice inside her head kept reminding her that she was a failure and she absolutely did not deserve to be in the same class as some of the smartest people from her college. She was just another average girl who’d gotten lucky and who had never developed actual skills for the subject, she didn't even know why she was aiming so high-

“Miss Y/L/N, is everything okay?” his voice had managed to catch her attention fully and she sat up straight and just nodded back at Mr. May, hoping he’d let her get away with her lack of concentration once again, but apparently he had different plans.

“Will you stay for a while after class, miss? I want to talk to you briefly” his eyes were stern as he let her know that she was in trouble, and understandably so. He probably wanted to kick her out of his class at that exact moment.

She deserved to fail. She couldn't think of anything else and she spent the last hour of lecture fidgeting with her own fingers and trying to take some notes on whatever it was that was written on the blackboard, while harshly scratching her face with her nails every once in a while out of frustration and nervousness. Time went by faster than she’s hoped, and while everyone stopped by the professor’s desk to hand in their work before leaving the hall to finally talk about something that didn't involve physics, she slowly walked over to him and waited for him to say goodbye to all the other students.

“Where’s your homework, Miss?” He was talking directly at her this time and she knew she couldn't hide anymore.

“I’m sorry Mr. May, I completely forgot about it until you mentioned it earlier today, it won’t happen again”

“But this is not even the first time something like this happens to you, if I’m not mistaken I gave you a pass last week for the same reason, what is going on with you?” He couldn't help but raising his voice a little towards the end, she’d begun the semester so well and here she was, throwing all her hard work away.

“I’m sorry, it was just distraction and nothing else, I don’t know where my mind is lately” Y/N tried to joke although it came out a bit choked since she was holding back tears from all the anger and frustration she was going through, but Brian could tell that something else was up with her and he couldn't just ignore it and let her get back to her self destructive means.

“I can see that something is bothering you and taking a toll on you, I don't want to intrude, but I’m truly worried about whatever it is that’s making you behave this way Miss. You used to be one of my best students, what the hell is going on now?” He was getting carried away and although he could hear it in his voice himself, he was coming from a place of care and wasn't able to stop himself to think about the consequences of his harsh sounding voice, so it took him by surprise when the girl in front of him bursted into tears.

[sunshinechii-scenarios]

Kiss the Pain away

✿ Nct’s Renjun x Female!Reader ✿ Angst, fluff, not rlly smut but theres making out lol ✿ 2.3k words ✿ Not requested ✿ Written by Chii ✿ Masterlist!

A/N: hey kids its me,,,,renjun trash,,,whats newwwwww. I’ve had this wip for a while and got super inspired to finish it after listening to stay the night by kid travis! his other song sunset is what i wrote sunset ride too! also the blogs first year anniversary is the 10th I’M CRYING uwu - chii

✿ Description: When the world decides to unleash its wrath on you, you can find your peace of mind with someone.

         You throw your school bag on the ground, letting it fall wherever it landed and slammed yourself onto your desk chair. Your phone landed on your bed when you haphazardly threw it, annoyed. Huffing, you turned on your laptop to blast music directly into your ears in attempts to drown everything out. Unfortunately, a post-it you stuck on it earlier this week was staring back at you.

“Read your chapters for next week,” you said out loud after you ripped it off the screen. You forgot you had school work. Your teacher assigned four chapters to be read by next week before the class meets and you were only given the weekend to complete it all. It wouldn’t have been an issue if this week was the worst week of your life so far.

         You had gotten into the worst argument with your best friend. Lucas Wong was known around school, not for anything good though. He was a heartbreaker and you hated how much he played your best friend like a fiddle. He had been texting her, getting her hopes up and leading her on since the beginning of the semester. You thought back to when she called you at two in the morning, when she was well aware you both had class tomorrow at eight am, to ask you how she should respond to the text that he replied to. The one she sent six hours before that. You were looking out for her as friends should but she didn't see it that way. She let a boy blur her perspective of you. Her pink glasses of love turned into an angry red and accused you of wanting him as well, even going as far as to questioning your relationship with Renjun. Your brows furrowed at the last text either of you sent, is Renjun your rebound because I like Lucas? You left her with no response to her cold words and haven't talked to her since.

         The final you took on Tuesday came back with an ugly 47 inside a red circle. You canceled the date Renjun set up for you two in efforts to lift the finals week stress off of both of your shoulders. You studied late into the night every night. Right after classes, you rushed to the tutoring hall and the countless hours you spent studying went to waste. All that time with the tutor, the after class sessions with a student-teacher was for nothing. You were going to fail the class unless you took up the 25 page assignment summarizing the class which would be due a day before the semester was over, which was in two weeks.

         Your mind scanned all the problems you had, everything felt like rocks on your shoulders. Bringing you down, mentally and physically. The only things that helped you when you felt stressed were Renjun, your best friend and the playlist Renjun specially made for you for when you got stressed. Renjun was on his way home from his late classes, he had later classes and his commute was a lot longer than yours also. Your only option was music, so, you went into your files and played it. Your face lifted from its sour expression to a soft one when you read the title for the millionth time since he sent the playlist to you, for when the stars fall, i’m here. It was all lowercase and the playlist cover was of the two of you. You plugged in the cord and pressed play while you hauled the giant textbook from the corner of your desk and started reading. It was going to be another night coped up in your room.

         After an hour or so, you pushed out from under the desk and stretched your legs that lost blood flow about 10 minutes ago, they felt like pins and needles. You paused your music and you could hear arguing. Your phone was still sitting on your bed. You could see it lighting up every now and then in your peripheral vision but right in front of you was the big, heavy textbook. Your eyes grew tired from the highlighted lines and colorful pen marks that etched the paper. You hear the bed creak in the other room and footsteps downstairs. Dad was sleeping on the couch again. You sigh and shut the book on the desk. You had no motivation to keep reading the chapters. The moon outside told you that maybe it was time to sleep, so you tried to.

         As usual, the same things pop up in your head. False accusations from someone you could trust, separation of family and failure. Another night you considered crying in the pillow until you tired yourself out but tonight wasn't going to be that night. You knew Renjun finished his last final at 7 PM today and he would usually be home by 9 PM due to transportation time. You turned to your side and picked up your phone. An unknowing smile appeared on your lips when you saw Renjun as your lock screen, he was happily smiling as he sat on a picnic blanket. Your fingers move across the screen to unlock your phone and tap the messaging app. Your eyes scanned your most recent texts. Seven hours ago, a text from your college saying that final scores are out. A day ago, your mom asking you if there was milk in the fridge. Five days ago, a text from your ‘friend.’ Your mood soured and you sighed. Thankfully, Renjun's number was conveniently pinned on top of your most recents. Your fingers played across your screen to text him.

Y/N: are you awake right now? Renjun: I just got home, are you okay? Y/N: can i come over? Renjun: Of course, my parents are out on their monthly date night! Y/N: be there in 10 Renjun: I'll meet you at the door...is something wrong? Y/N: I’ll talk about it later Renjun: Alright love :(

You figure it was be best to tell him in person. You rolled off your messy bed to plant your two feet on the floor. You walk over to your closet to put something on to wear. The first thing you grabbed was one of his hoodies he gave you when you two first started going out and a random pair of black pants. You stuffed your keys, wallet and phone into your hoodie before opening your room slightly. Your mom was asleep but your dad called out your name when he heard the door hinges creak.

“Y/N?” You go down the stairs softly and walk down to the couch.

“Where are you going sweetpea? It's kind of late.” His voice was low, as if he just woke up, he probably did. He was always a light sleeper.

“I was going to visit Renjun. He just came back from his last final.” You couldn't lie to your dad and he trusted you enough to tell him the truth always.

“Ah, tell him I said hello,” your father paused before continuing, “keep him around sweetie. He really cares for you.”

You nod and you bid your dad a good night but he's already fast asleep. You sighed and fixed the blanket he had over himself before going to slide on a pair of shoes.You walk out of the door and lock it behind you. You stepped foot out the house and into the night. The sky was dark but littered with stars, mocking you almost. As dark as the sky got, there was always something shining either it be the moon or the stars. You had nothing right now.

         The walk wasn’t too long, only 15 minutes. You walked closer and closer to the white house on the corner of his street. Your feet stopped at his blue mailbox with gold stickers reading out 127 on them. At your feet you see a silhouette in the orange light, your eyes follow it and there was Renjun was sitting on the steps in front of the door. The orange patio light shining from above him. You followed his shoes up his jean clad legs, all the way up to his face buried in his phone. You walk up to him and he looked up at you. He stood up and brought you into a warm hug that you wished could last forever. He mumbled a small, “I missed you so much.” You give him a lazy smile and kiss his cheek.

“Do you want to stay out here or go inside?” He asked while you were still hugging his chest.

Mumbling an “inside,” he let go of you and opened the front door. You two tossed off your shoes before going to his room, hand in hand. The sound of footsteps in sync up the wooden stairs was the only sound that could be heard before he opened his room door.

         "When did you rearrange your room?" You said as you stepped into his room. The white walls were lined with his sketches and drawings. A picture of you two was proudly placed on his desk right by his laptop that was playing music at a low volume.

"Just this week, I wanted to face the window at night. Helps me sleep I’ve realized,” he said as you walked around his bed and picked up the couple plushie you bought for you two. You held it in your arms as you sat on his bed. The springs creaking as his dark blue sheets wrinkled under your weight. You giggled before speaking, “to watch out for UFOs?"

"You know me so well but no, the moon and sun reminds me of us." You turned your head to smile at Renjun. He mirrored a similar expression before walking over to the side of the bed you were on.

He crouched down and looked at you, “tell me what's wrong.”

         You explained to him the events of the past week. His heart sank. He wasn't able to be there for you. He was dealing with academic related issues too but he was beating himself over not checking up on you every now and then. He felt guilty but he was there for you now, so, Renjun slowly moved you into his chest. Letting you rest on him. You took this chance to bury your face into his sweater and hug his frame. You felt the tears starting to form. As you kept talking, Renjun would stroke your head and back, trying to provide a sense of comfort and safety for you.

         When you finished spilling your worries out to him, you looked up at him with teary eyes. His thumbs found their way to your cheeks and wiped away the evidence of your sadness. Your eyes fluttered in between his eyes and his lips as he came close to place a soft kiss on your forehead.

“I’m sorry nothing worked out the way you wanted to it,” he mumbled. When he pulled back, you pulled him back in, on the lips. You didn’t know what took over you. All you knew was that you needed something to help you temporarily forget your troubles. He was taken aback at first but gave into you. He closed his eyes and let you do what you needed to do. He blindly pulled the sleeves of his sweater down to his hands. You felt the soft fabric against your cheeks as he wiped the hot tears streaming down your face again. As if Renjun’s entire being was pushing out all the negativity you had inside you, the worries you had washed away each second you two spent against each other.

         You let your arms circle around his neck, your hand weaving themselves in his hair and eventually playing with it while you kissed him. The kiss was soft at first but turned intense.Your nails slightly scratched at his scalp, he felt shivers up his spine. Your noses bumped each others while you deepened the kiss as far as you could with the sudden need of his lips unlike you ever felt before. When you pulled a little too hard on his hair, he groaned and it knocked you out of your trance. You quickly moved away from him. His eyes fluttered open, his lips a deeper hue of pink and his hair, messy. He blinked a few times before looking at you. Your hair was also a mess and your lips looked swollen.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you are you okay?" You worryingly asked, the last thing you wanted to do was hurt him accidentally.

His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him, "I'm fine." Your legs dug into his bed at either side of his body. You straightened yourself up as he held your back. You saw his dark eyes glitter in the moonlight as he look up at you. You felt him shift to sit up straight and hold onto your waist now. He let your fingers lace together at your sides before he placed a kiss on your knuckles. He looked up at you through his lashes before trailing his hand up your arm. You sat down in between his legs and he gently moved your hair from your shoulders. His lips brushed against your collarbone before giving it a featherlight kiss.

“Is this alright?” His breath was hot against your skin. You nodded. He felt your hands back in his hair, you unknowingly gripped on it harder and harder but he didn’t mind. It was like encouragement. His lips fell into one area above your collarbone before latching on and leaving harsh kisses, each one feeling like a burn, something you could get addicted to. Your hands went under his sweater to lift it off and to leave him in a plain white t shirt.

         You were wrong about having nothing. The darkest skies in the night had something to hang onto for support. Something to make them feel like a whole. You had Renjun.

i love huang renjun that is all uwu - Chii

Please don’t claim this as your own and please don’t do anything with it without my permission. If you don’t want it happening to you, don’t do it to others.

[thatonekawaiigirl13]

Who Said Death Was Easy? [Death Note] Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty: Frustration

Day 8 of Surveillance

Keiko’s POV:

Keiko gave an exasperated sigh as she recalled her little conversation the other night with the world’s greatest detective. She thought a more appropriate name for him would be the world’s most frustrating detective. After all, he always managed to somehow get under her skin. Even worse, his haunting words from the other night had yet to leave her mind. Actually, no matter what, she couldn’t get them out. It was as though his words were stuck on an almost endless loop inside her head.

“If you have no intention of leaving, then face the truth; Light Yagami is Kira, and he’s been stringing you along all this time.”

Was there really any truth to L’s words? Unfortunately, Keiko had to say yes. It appeared that she could no longer ignore the glaringly obvious fact that Light Yagami was probably, no...it appeared that that he was more than most likely Kira, the worst mass murderer that the world had ever seen.

Keiko had been thinking about the detective’s words all night. Now that Light was so close to being convicted of Kira, it made her sick to her stomach thinking of how easily manipulated by him she had been. She had fallen right into his dangerous trap countless times. He had reeled her in, played her a fool.

I am a fool...aren’t I? If my ex-boyfriend really is Kira, then I can’t deny that. I trusted him. I played right into his hands. He got me right where he wanted me…not only did he toy with my emotions, he controlled them.

Keiko shivered, despite the fact that she was wearing a rather warm wool sweater.

No...I let him control me.

Look back at her history with him, Keiko deduced that things with Light Yagami officially started after she had ran into him at the convenience store on that fateful night. That was the start of their friendship, the start of their soon to be romantic relationship. Before then, they had only been rank one and rank two in school, classmates that weren’t particularly close but were still civil to one another.

The fact that the man on the motorcycle, who had been leering and chasing a woman only moments before, had died was now way too suspicious for her to overlook. It was especially suspicious when considering right after that night heart attack victims became more and more common. Keiko hadn’t really thought much about the night at the convenience store, mostly because she just wanted to block it out. It wasn’t like she wanted to remember watching a man die, at least with the bus jacking incident she had looked away when it happened. Keiko shifted slightly on the bed she was sitting on, crossing her arms in front of her chest defensively as she thought back on the night she had run into him.

And, to think, Light had the audacity to walk me home that night!

Looking back also made her realize that she had once used Light Yagami as well. Keiko shuddered. She was thinking that,because she had kissed him that day to get simple revenge on her ex-boyfriend, she had also invited him to use her in return.

If I had never kissed Light Yagami that day, I probably wouldn’t even be in this mess right now...although, now that I think about it, out of all the girls in our class, I was probably the one closest to his type. After all, he and I were the top two students in the grade...meaning that he probably would have asked me out anyway, so perhaps there really was no way to avoid this fate. Well, even if I could have avoided it…it’s useless now. What’s done is done, unfortunately…

Light Yagami had shamelessly used her, not once, not twice, but multiple times. He had used her for months. There was no going back now.

Keiko thought about her first attempt at a date with Light Yagami, and the bus jacking that had gone along with it.

The bus jacking was no mere accident...he had used that bus jacking in order to retrieve that innocent FBI agent’s name. He had then tortured him to somehow get everyone else’s name and face, only to dispose of them all in the end…twelve innocent lives were lost thanks to him. Twelve, and there could have been more that I don’t even know about. After all, L didn’t recruit me for the investigation right away. He waited a while first.

Keiko let out a soft sigh, her mind was now running through all of the other times she had been with Light Yagami. There had been quite a few study dates to make up for their lack of an official first date. Those study dates had easily turned into kissing sessions that had left her slowly wanting even more of him. However, thinking back on that now only made Keiko feel dirty, both physically and emotionally.

After all, those study sessions had paved the way for Light to ask her to officially be his girlfriend. Or, rather, to officially be his puppet, and his asking her out had subsequently led Keiko to fall for him.

And I can’t believe that he used me as a cover up that whole time...how cruel. Once I fell for him, there was no going back. I was lost, no matter how many times L tried to warn me. I didn’t listen....what a fool. Had any of it been real? Did Light really feel anything for me? I suppose it’s possible, but if he’s Kira, then I highly doubt it. As L said, he had to have been just stringing me along. There’s no way that his love for me was real. In fact, now that I think about it, the two of us never said those three little words, ‘I love you’ to one another...

Her stomach, which already had been in knots for a while, gave a sudden lurch. She was seriously worried for a moment that she would actually vomit. Keiko covered her mouth, drawing in a deep and slow breath to help her recover.

It was then that another thought struck her. A thought that she had tucked away in the depths of her brain for a while. At the time, she had deemed it unimportant. In fact, it probably was unimportant, but still, she had to be certain. Keiko didn’t want to be fooled any longer, and she wanted to investigate everything having to do with Light Yagami.

She reached into the pockets of her sweatpants, digging around for her cell phone. Aside from his dad, no one from the Yagami family knew that Keiko and Light had broken up. Light’s father had told Keiko it was because Light didn’t want to raise any more questions, because to him, being interrogated by L and the rest of the Task Force was enough.

Keiko figured that, since his family thought that the two of them were still together, it wouldn’t be weird for her to text his little sister. However, she knew she had to be crafty in order to get the details she wanted out of Sayu Yagami. Luckily it didn’t take Keiko long to think of a plan.

To: Sayu-chan:3

From: Keiko Kagami

Hi, Sayu-chan! It’s Keiko. I was wondering...do you remember the name of the girl that Light-kun was tutoring a while ago? He and I need to fill out applications in order to take a certain class in our study abroad program, and on the application we have to include the names of all people we tutored. But…Light doesn’t remember her name and his phone is dead, so he can’t text you himself.

Okay, Keiko had to admit that her plan perhaps wasn’t the greatest, but it was the best that she could come up with on such short notice. The fact that Light Yagami had a girl come over so soon after the two had met Misa Amane was now suspicious to Keiko. At the time, she hadn’t thought much of it, but looking back, Keiko had a strong suspicion that the girl had been Misa. If Light was Kira, then that would for sure meant that Misa Amane was the Second Kira, and Light hadn’t been tutoring her, but been conspiring with her in secret.

Keiko’s leg bounced in anticipation. Considering the fact that Sayu Yagami was glued to her phone, she figured it wouldn’t take long for her to respond, but at the moment, every moment felt like hours.

Finally, after a long two minutes passed, Keiko received her response. A response that made her heart skip a beat and her blood run cold.

To: Keiko Kagami

From: Sayu-chan:3

Oh, hi, Keiko-chan! It’s been boring here without you and Light around! I can’t believe I’m saying this but I miss you both! (don’t tell my brother I said that though, I’d never live that down!) Anyway, that girl looked like she stepped out of an old horror movie, so of course I remember her name! Her name was Misa Amane. Is there anything else you have to ask me for Light’s application? I hope he gets into that class, he deserves it!

The phone trembled in Keiko’s hands, and she fought hard to catch her breath. She felt like the wind had just been knocked out of her. Her fingers struggled to type up a proper response to Sayu’s question.

To: Sayu-chan:3

From: Keiko Kagami

No, Sayu-chan, all Light needed to know for the application was her name, so there are no further questions…thank you, you were a big help.

Keiko’s phone beeped yet again a moment later, signaling that Sayu had responded, but she didn’t bother to open it up. She didn’t even think she had the strength to open up the text message. In fact, what little strength she had left had dwindled away as soon as she read Sayu’s text message. The name Sayu had given her, Misa Amane, had more than confirmed her suspicions. She set her cell phone back into her pocket.

This could seriously mean that Light Yagami is Kira...and that Misa Amane is his Second Kira....if that’s true, then the two of them are the worst mass murderers that the world’s ever seen…and I was blind to that fact the whole entire time…

Unfortunately, her little discovery had caused her to lose her composure for good. Keiko was soon unable to stop the sobs from wracking her body.

If it’s true then I can’t believe I fell for it...L was right, I really am naive.

She was glad that she was hiding out in the spare bedroom of L’s hotel suite, as she was sure that she looked like an absolute wreck. There were tears streaming down her face and circles starting to develop under her eyes due to increased lack of sleep.

Not only that, but she had also started to pay less attention to her clothing choices since moving into the hotel, opting for comfort rather than fashion. She figured her current clothing choice, an oversized wool sweater paired with sweatpants, probably only made her look like worse.

“Keiko-chan!”

The sound of Matsuda’s voice made Keiko freeze. There was no way she wanted him to see her like this. Hell, she didn’t want anyone to see her like this. She hated people seeing her cry. The fact that Matsuda had seen her cry when she was at her father’s grave unnerved her...and here he was about to witness her crying yet again!

Keiko sighed, quickly attempting to pat her wet face dry. She knew it was in vain, because one look at her puffy eyes would lead Matsuda to conclude that she had been crying, but she had to do something in order to try and regain her dignity.

She could hear Matsuda’s footsteps getting louder and louder, and soon, she knew that he had entered the spare room.

“K-Keiko-chan,” she heard Matsuda quietly whisper. “You’re thinking about Light-kun, aren’t you?”

Keiko meekly lifted her head up to face the young dark haired policeman at the mention of Light’s name. She could see the worry written in his eyes as he stepped forward and slowly sat down on the bed next to her. His concerned gaze made her feel even more vulnerable.

She didn’t have the strength to speak, so she just nodded her head, and attempted to keep up her cool composure.

It didn’t last very long. Matsuda mentioning Light’s name out loud had only made her feel even more upset, and she was unable to stop a lone tear from escaping her eye. Unfortunately for her, that tear had caused the formation of even more tears, and soon, she was full on crying once again.

Keiko closed her eyes, thinking that it would somehow stop the tears from flowing down her face. Her heart was hammering away in her chest.

Damn it! I keep letting myself get so emotional.

Her eyes snapped open as soon as she felt Matsuda wrap his arms around her back, bringing her up to his chest so that he could envelop her in an awkward hug.

What the…? Oh...he’s probably trying to comfort me...

Normally, she would have brushed her tears back, she would have gently pushed away from his touch. However, this time Keiko didn’t have the will to somehow force a smile onto her face. She didn’t even have the strength to move or be prideful and attempt to save face. It was far too late for any of that.

Seeing no reason to fight her emotions, she let herself relax in Matsuda’s arms, softly continuing to cry as he awkwardly patted her back in an effort to calm her down. She knew that Matsuda wasn’t a threat to her, the young policeman had quickly become a friendly face on the task force. While he sometimes wasn’t the brightest, he was dependable. He was a friend that she knew she could trust.

Keiko wasn’t sure how much time had passed. After all, she felt like once her tears started, they would never stop flowing. However, unbeknownst to them, their little show had an audience.

L’s POV:

Hmm...what’s taking him so long? While he’s not the brightest, it’s not like Matsuda-san to dawdle on a task like this...whenever I ask him to do me a favor, he usually tries to impress me by getting it done rather quickly...it really shouldn’t be taking him this long to go and wake up Keiko though.

L let out a deep sigh, deciding that he had, once again, had enough of waiting for Matsuda to do his job. He stood up from his chair, walking through the living room towards the spare bedroom, which was where Keiko had ventured off to a couple hours ago to go take a ‘quick’ nap.

If Matsuda’s going to just take his sweet time, I might as well go and get Keiko myself. After all, Light’s been in confinement for over a week now...and I’d really like to know what she’s thinking now about the situation. She spent all of this time thinking that her boyfriend couldn’t be Kira, no, even after they broke up, she still refused to believe it. But now, I’m getting all the proof I need to convict him.

The detective stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he heard light sobs emitting from the direction of the spare bedroom.

Well, I suppose I now have my answer...I have to admit, I’m not that surprised. It was only a matter of time before her emotions got to her.

The sobs, though slightly muffled, got a little louder as he took a couple steps forward. He peered into the room from the doorway. He saw Keiko sitting on the bed. She was huddled towards Matsuda, who was gently patting her back.

So that’s what he’s been up to.

L had been feeling fine before, but all of the sudden, his heart gave a slight pang. If he hadn’t locked Light and Misa up eight days ago, he would have sworn that it was either Kira or the Second Kira finally attempting to kill him.

If this isn’t a heart attack then what is this?

The detective brought his thumb up to his mouth, staring at the two sitting on the bed. He knew there was another possible explanation for the way he was now feeling, but he refused to accept it.

I don’t allow myself to feel such things, as they just get in the way...so it can’t be...there’s just no way…is there?  

Day 9 of Surveillance

Light’s POV:

“I-I just can’t take it anymore!” Ryuk pitifully groaned, “I’m serious, you know! I’m really about to reach my limit over here! I swear...if...if I don’t get an apple soon...there’s no telling what’ll happen to me!”

Light couldn’t see him from where he was sitting on his bed, but he was sure that the shinigami was contorting his body into all sorts of weird shapes once again.

He raised an eyebrow, a determined look on his face, and ignored the shinigami’s dramatic behavior. It had now been nine days since the start of his confinement. He was sure that L would attempt to interrogate him once more. After all, he was only giving him more proof of his guilt.

Well, not for too much longer, L...soon you’ll see that I’m innocent. Once that happens, you’ll have no choice but to release me.

“Light-kun,” L’s voice came in over the loudspeaker in the corner, interrupting him from his thoughts, “you’ve only been in there for a little over a week, but I’m sure it can’t be easy for you...are you feeling alright?”

The corner’s of Light’s mouth slightly curved upwards into a smirk. He was glad that L currently was unable to see his face because of the angle he was sitting at.

I’m feeling great, L, heh… and hmm...now that I think about it, I’ve come pretty far...it’s probably about time to put part two of my plan into action!

“Yeah, I’m sure I probably don’t look so good...but it’s this useless pride of mine that’s keeping me in here…” Light started, finally looking up in the direction of the camera, “...I suppose I’ll have to just try to…get rid of it!”

“H-huh?” Ryuk questioned, taking a moment to fully process Light’s words. He peered over at the light brown haired human sitting on the bed, “o-oh, yeah. I gotcha, hyuk. Well, looks like I’ll be able to get some more apples soon. That being said, I’ll see you for now, Light Yagami. It’s been fun…”

With that, Ryuk waved his hand in the air over Light’s head, watching as Light closed his eyes, probably waiting for the memories of the death note to fade. Once the shinigami was finished, he flapped his wings, and disappeared from the cell.

Light opened his eyes once more, looking around his cell and blinking slowly. For some reason, he felt a little disoriented. He gave a little sigh of frustration, figuring that it was probably because he was starting to feel the effects of being locked up for so long.

Dammit, why am I even doing this?! It’s pointless, I don’t belong in here; I’m not Kira, I know that! We’re only wasting precious investigation time!

“Ryuzaki-san,” Light started, staring up at the camera once more. His voice was pleading, “I realize that I was the one pushing for confinement in the first place, and I even asked you to put me in here...but I just realized something important! This whole thing is completely pointless because I’m not Kira! You have to get me out of here!”

L’s POV:

L could hear the gasps from the members of the task force behind him, notably Mogi and Matsuda. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Keiko shifting slightly in her chair, she clearly was looking rather uncomfortable with the current situation. He figured she was probably trying to get a grip on her emotions.

The detective, however, didn’t let their reactions distract him. Instead, he narrowed his eyes at the suspect sitting in the cell on the monitor in front of him.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Light-kun,” L responded, “if you recall, I promised you that, no matter what you did or said, I wouldn’t let you out until I was personally convinced that you are not Kira.”

“Please, Ryuzaki-san!” Light responded, desperation in his voice, “I wasn’t thinking clearly! Besides, do you honestly think that a serial killer like Kira could commit those crimes without being aware of them?! If I have no memory of killing anyone then it should be pretty clear that I’m not him!”

L let out a soft sigh, “while I’ve never been able to accept this idea that Kira has been killing without self awareness all this time, that doesn’t change the fact that all of the evidence points to you as being Kira...and, since we imprisoned you, Kira hasn’t committed a single murder.”

“Listen, just hear me out...I swear to you that I’m not lying!” Light’s eyes got huge as he looked into the camera, “do these eyes look guilty to you?! You have to believe me; I’m not Kira! I...I must have been framed...that’s the only explanation for this!”

L carefully studied Light’s brown eyes, looking for anything suspicious.

What’s wrong with you, Light Yagami? What you’re saying is completely absurd...but, for some reason, it feels real to me...it feels genuine.

“Hurry up, Ryuzaki-san!” Light continued on, “you have to let me out of here! We’re wasting precious time!”

“What the…” the detective heard Keiko mutter beside him. He glanced at her, watching as her face scrunched up a little, “oh Light-kun…”

“This isn’t like Light at all!” Aizawa grumbled, “this doesn’t make any sense to me, he’s contradicting himself...not only that, he’s getting emotional.”

“I’m sure anyone would be emotional in that condition,” Matsuda responded, “but we can’t release him now, not with the murders suddenly stopping...at this point, it doesn’t matter what he says, even I understand that much.”

Aizawa chuckled darkly, “yeah...I don’t care what anyone else says, as far as I’m concerned, we have all the proof we need to convict him...Light Yagami is Kira, that’s the end of it.”

“Hmm,” L rested his thumb by his mouth, “at this rate, Aizawa-san is right...if things continue on like this, that’s the only conclusion that we can come to...but I suppose that it’s still a little too early to tell for sure...we’ll have to just continue watching him for the time being.”

/timeskip/

Keiko’s POV:

Keiko ran her fingers through her hair and let out a soft sigh, staring at the monitors in front of her. All the other members of the task force had called it a night and left, leaving Keiko and L alone in the hotel room.

It appeared that Light had calmed down from his outburst earlier, as he had actually fallen asleep on the bed. She watched the rise and fall of his chest, thinking over his sudden pleading from earlier on that day.

“Listen, just hear me out...I swear to you that I’m not lying! Do these eyes look guilty to you?! You have to believe me; I’m not Kira! I...I must have been framed...that’s the only explanation for this!”

Given the evidence against him, Light’s words make no sense...however, he seemed genuine...and for a moment, it was like I had a glimpse of my ex-boyfriend. Of course, I obviously don’t want to believe that he was only fooling me again, but…something about it seemed…so real.

Keiko’s heart gave a lurch in her chest.

He really did look innocent...did I make a mistake in choosing to no longer trust him? Perhaps I gave up my faith in him too quickly...

“Keiko-chan.”

She looked up, watching as the detective scooted his chair closer to hers, closing the gap between the two of them.

“Y-yes?” Keiko responded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. She had been hoping that L would leave her alone for the night, but after seeing him stare her down, she figured that wouldn’t be the case.

He’s going to rile me up again somehow, isn’t he…?

Her suspicions were confirmed as soon as L opened his mouth to speak once more. His dark eyes were piercing hers, “I know what you’re thinking...but you shouldn’t let his little act fool you…”

“Can you really be sure that’s it’s just an act?” Keiko retorted, crossing her arms at him. She honestly wasn’t sure herself but she didn’t like the way L was making her feel. He had a way of exposing her true emotions, of making her feel vulnerable, “I mean, you saw the look in his eyes…do you really know for sure he’s guilty? It could be as he says.”

The corners of the detective’s mouth lifted slightly, and she felt as though he were taunting her somehow. She supposed he was, it was what he seemed to do best.

“Hmm. Right now, I can’t be too sure but the evidence against him is rather compelling...however…that's not my point, I’m more concerned about you at the moment,” L leaned forward in his chair so that he was face to face with her. He was close, so close that Keiko could feel his warm break on her cheek as he spoke, “are you really sure that you want to trust Light Yagami again? After all, whether he meant to or not, he already broke your heart once before…do you really want to make that twice?”

“R-Ryuzaki-san,” Keiko stuttered out, unable to properly speak. All she could focus on was L’s close proximity to her. His face was getting ever so close to her own, and they were now only mere inches apart from one another. Keiko could feel her heart pounding like crazy in her chest, she felt like she was about to lose control, and she knew she had to get away from him. And quickly, otherwise there was no telling what she’d do. There was no way that Keiko could allow herself to get lost in the detective’s eyes.

She attempted to turn her head to look away from him, but he gently placed his hand on her chin to stop her.

“I guess what I’m getting at, Keiko-chan, is...will you let your feelings for Light-kun get in the way of things again? Or will you finally be strong enough to get over him?”

Before Keiko could reply, or even register what was going on, she felt L’s lips brush over her cheek, teasing her skin ever so slightly. He was gentle, maybe even a little hesitant. Meanwhile, Keiko’s heart now felt like it was about to leap out her chest at his touch, and her brain was going haywire.

The detective’s lips went even lower, tickling her skin as they slowly neared her own lips. The closer he got, the more her body trembled, causing all thoughts of her ex-boyfriend to leave her mind. All she could think about was the fact that L’s lips were dangerously close to meeting her own, but somehow the prospect of a kiss didn’t quite alarm her.

In fact, she had to admit, in that moment, a part of her was almost curious as to how it would feel to kiss the world’s greatest detective. It would have been a nice distraction from reality, and she would be lying to herself if she said that L wasn’t in any way attractive. He was vastly different from Light, yes. L was odd, blunt to a fault, and had a thing for sweets.

However, there was just something about him that drew her in. A part of her wanted a taste, just to see what it would be like. Besides, it wasn't like a kiss would hurt her. She was already heartbroken from Light.

Keiko finally gave in, letting him take control. Her eyes fluttered closed, waiting in anticipation.

“H-hello?” the sudden voice from the doorway of the hotel room caused Keiko’s eyes to snap open. She pushed the detective away from her, and she could feel her face flaming as Matsuda stepped into the hotel room.

“I forgot my…” the words died on the young police man’s lips. Keiko could only imagine how she and L looked to him. Her face was a deep shade of crimson and, because of the sudden intrusion, the detective’s eyes went wide. Although Matsuda had no way of knowing what had been going on, she was still sure that he was sure that he could feel the tension hidden between the two of them.

“I-I forgot my w-watch,” Matsuda finally stammered out after a long moment, reaching out to grab the item from the coffee table. He watched, probably uncomfortable, as both L and Keiko stared at him, “b-but Ryuzaki-san, Kagami-san, what’s going on, did something big happen? Perhaps...did Kira kill again?!”

Keiko awkwardly shook her head as L spoke up beside her, “no. No new criminals have been killed yet...and if you’re sure you have everything, you’re free to go…”

“Oh, alright then,” Matsuda replied, looking as confused as ever. He stood there a moment, glancing between the two of them. It was clear that he was trying to figure out what else, if anything, he could have missed.

“I-I’m, uh, going to go to bed,” Keiko stuttered out. She normally would have stayed with L deep into the night to investigate, but at the moment she was too embarrassed to stay at task force headquarters. The only thing she could focus on was the fact that the great detective had almost kissed her, and she would have let him.

W-what’s wrong with me? There's no way I could like him, after all, I barely know anything about him! So why did I let him get so close to me then? It was almost like I was in a trance. It was almost like...I wanted it to happen...

“Sleeping so soon? What a pity,” L responded.

Keiko didn’t miss the hint of amusement in his voice. She could feel her face flaming again as she  stood up from her chair, heading towards the door that led to her hotel room suite. As she walked, she couldn’t be bothered to force herself to look at either of the guys in the room. Keiko needed to get to her room, and quickly. Not only that, she needed to try and figure out what exactly had just happened between the two of them.

Wait a moment...even if Matsuda hadn’t walked in, would he have really kissed me? Or was that all just an act? With him, there’s no way of knowing for sure...perhaps he just wanted to see how I’d react? ...but it’s not like him to get that close to me, not that close at least! This is all too confusing!

“Have a good night, Keiko-chan!” Matsuda cheerfully called out as she opened the door.

All she could muster back was a short wave in his direction before she closed the door behind her.

Chapter Twenty-nine

Chapter Thirty-one

[ythmir-writes]

it’s probably been done but lemme just add to it so here we go

SUITORS AND sort ofmaybe HELPING YOU STUDY

right.

Leo Crawford - being an actual, living and breathing encyclopedia, Leo is the person you want for objective type questions. Great help when it comes to last minute tips since he can give answers to random questions popping in your head. Probably can win gameshows back to back but doesn’t want the publicity. Can’t remember the distance to the sun? When exactly was it that Carthage got burned? That very specific provision of the tax law regarding exemptions given to corporations employing people with disabilities? He knows it all, and then some. Helps you make flashcards for better memory skills. THE PERSON YOU WANT TO STAY UP LATE WITH because srsly Leo get some sleep. The person everyone goes to after exams so he makes it a point to finish early and escape. Don’t ask how he remembers so much information in his head; he’ll quiz you and you might get distracted because with every wrong answer, you owe him a kiss 

Louis Howard - best study buddy ever because he calms down your nerves. You see him poring over the materials and all you can think of is that must be how gods look at sacred texts. That, and whenever you can’t understand something he explains it in a way that makes it easily understandable (or is it because of his voice?) Motivates you always to give 100 percent in everything because his very existence is inspiring. Almost always ready to go with you to a cafe to study. Avoids the library like the plague (because too many students) Sends you motivational quotes over social media. Probably snacks on healthy food and gives you some because they say it helps. Unfortunately, HE IS NOT the one you want to sit next to when it’s actually exams. Chiller than the airconditioning that’s making you sweat. Doesn’t even sweat even when answering ridiculously long math questions. Amazing.

Sid - He’s almost always in your face but conveniently disappears whenever you’re in study mode. As a matter of fact, almost completely leaves you alone whenever you’re at your desk, except to check on you that you aren’t forgetting to eat or drink or relax. Actually quite nurturing when hell week is just around the corner. Makes a wicked cocktail that he swears doesn’t contain uppers but you’re very very focused after a good night sleep. Very prone to placing random snacks on your table which may also contain random sample questions to help you prepare. Scoffs at you when you feel down because you haven’t finished reviewing - and the next day suddenly a summary of important points is at your table waiting to be read. ABSOLUTELY THE PERSON you want to approach if you want materials - whatever those materials may be: annotated notes from last year’s valedictorian, powerpoint presentations from a professor who doesn’t want his laptop touched, sample exams and suggested answers dating back to 20 years ago, that one book your professor swears by but has gotten out of print? He’s got you covered. 

Giles Christophe - Probably will scold you a bit for not sticking to a study schedule but will help you cram (not recommended). Even in this AU, it is very much discouraged to have him help you cram because you feel like your brain is going to explode with the info overload. BUT has notes for everything. Everything. The entire textbook has been annotated by him. IT IS A MESS tho. No sentence was left unhighlighted. Even has notes of his own notes. Has notes of other people’s notes. Has notes for professor’s notes even, with scribbled emojis and recommendations on how to improve them. Gives you very good sample questions that feel like they’ve been plucked straight from national exams. The kind of well-crafted questions that you hate because it took you 30 mins to answer each bloody hypothetical problem, but will be grateful for because it was a really good question and it appeared in the exams - whaaaaa? YES GILES HAS 90% ACCURACY at predicting questions it’s infuriating and also super helpful for practice tests. Sometimes you wonder how he’s able to do it. Has an annoying (but super convenient)  way of knowing exactly what the teacher wants to read on the essay questions since he gets near perfect points for everything and he didn’t even get the answer right and you kindofhateithimforit. 

Byron Wagner - study? what study? Or rather, when is Byron bloody Wagner not studying?? What we call study is actually leisure for him - have you seen him do anything except read and stare at the stars communicating with the Elder GOds? NOPE. The person you want to stick with at the VERY BEGINNING OF THE SEMESTER because his work ethic will put you to shame. The kind of student you wished you were, which helps you get motivated and also maybe partially depressed; because can he please tone down on the prodigy aura? And what do you mean you didn’t even highlight your books?? Engages in long hours of discussion with Leo about certain topics; probably tag-teams with Leo and Giles to debate with professors too. Has a certain knack of breaking down difficult theories into bite-sized chewable paragraphs. That, and he never shoves it in your face that you should do better (take a hint, Giles) Srsly. Stick with him to the very bitter end. Will splurge and treat you when you show him how much you’ve improved. Will still splurge even if you didn’t. Byron is happy you’re trying and believes all effort will bear fruit.

Nico Meier - very very very enthusiastic when you declared that it’s start of hellweek and you need to get down and dirty. Did not actually get the memo that you meant down and dirty with academics. Was very confused when you showed up in PJs with stacks of papers you ordered from Sid. Is constantly hovering to tell you you need to take a break. Always volunteers to make you tea and snacks. Helps you shopping for stationery, pens, sticky-notes - all the ammunition you need for studying because he knows all the sweet spots: thrift stores, quaint coffeeshops to spend 12 hours in, 24 hour hobbyshops that get quiet past midnight so you can hole up in a room without a bed. Very very very helpful in everything sans the actual studying because he’s actually a very loud learner: memorizes things out loud, has hilarious/scandalous mnemonics for every goddamn enumeration there is, listens to recorded lectures without moving a muscle; sends you memes in the middle of the night about how time will pass but WILL YOU??? You study with him and you’ll end up laughing how he comes up with all the fun. It’s hellweek, you should be crying but Nico just knows how to cheer you up to your core. 

Albert Bruckhardt - went to seminars on how to curate schedules and has an ENTIRE MASTERPLAN dedicated to helping you ace the exam. Ohboy, get ready to have your entire life study schedule re-arranged for the sake of the coveted passing grades. Leaves you wondering how little you know of time management and your own schedule. Is very strict during study sessions, and knows you have a soft spot when he smiles and uses it against you thesneakylittle . HAS APPS FOR EVERYTHING. AN EMBODIMENT OF what is good in studyblr community. Doesn’t take it too seriously if it took you extra hours before being able to finish a review? No problemo, Al’s already got a plan B. And C. And D. Seriously, this man can run a multi-billion corporation on his own.  You learn the meaning of preparation, and he’s living the lifestyle. After the exams, you feel like you’ve fundamentally changed as a person godbless

Robert Branche - heavensent because he’s tutored you before and knows your strengths and weakness. That, and his part-time job as a tutor has helped honed his teaching skills to an art form. Whenever he’s tutoring you, you feel like you’ve just enrolled in another academy all of a sudden. Patient. Kind. Understanding. Knows how to push you without pushing too hard because he knows you’ve already got enough on your plate and just wants to be supportive. Leaves random handwritten messages in your notes to help you smile. Somehow knows whenever you’re in a slump and listens as you rant AND GIVES YOU good advice too. Makes sure none of the younger boys interrupt or get in your way when you’re on study-mode. ACTUALLY ADMITS things when he doesn’t know them and makes it a point that both of you learn together but those instances are far and few in-between. You know Robert is on the top of his class but the question is, you’ve never actually seen Robert hit the books since he’s almost always at the art club. HOW????? 

Alyn Crawford - the only sane person in the entire world whom you feel like you connect with because both of you are normal compared to the eight other men. He’s got acads troubles just like you do - I mean it’s not because he’s more inclined to home economics or because he’s not as smart but it’s just that he cannot be bothered. HAS A SURPRISING LAZY SIDE when it comes to acads. He’s like your comrade and the academics are the Enemy. STILL VERY SUPPORTIVE. Will listen to you ramble because he knows you learn better when you try to explain things to other people - and please he’d really rather you explain it to him than to anyone else. Loves cooking for you whenever both of you are up for a long night. Loves cooking for you, just because. His coffee is not as good as his twin’s but hey, it’ll do and seriously, with the two of you throwing questions at each other, staying awake is the least of your worries. Like his twin, Alyn loves contests and that’s what makes studying with him unique. For every wrong answer, a household chore is gonna fall on your shoulders. That or a set of push-ups or shooting hoops. Because physical activity helps memory?? PLEASE. You’re skeptical but Alyn isn’t backing down and hubris isn’t letting you back away either. 60% of the time both of you are goofing off and Leo and Louis act as referees, shouting sample questions from Sid and Giles at the sidelines; until Giles calls all of you over because guys, you’re not getting any studying done. AT ALL.

[teacherkmd]

Second Week in QuFu: Small Victories

Week 2

Since having my schedule rearranged, I have found myself with a lot of free time. I am having fun listening to the military training that all my freshmen students have to go through. It is also “fun” to walk around campus and have them get in trouble for staring at me when they’re supposed to be listening to their drill sergeant. (All freshmen in university go through mandatory military training lasting from 2 weeks to a month). My classes will start the last week of September.

(Good camouflage) 

The English department finally met up with us to talk about expectations and regulations. Since I am teaching all 6 sections of Speaking and Listening 1 for freshmen, I basically get to do what I want. I have textbooks, and there is a loose “use 50% of the books” rule. After looking at those textbooks, I’ll most likely be using them as homework and for support material. This course will basically be a conversation class. The textbooks seem to cover things like making appointments, answering a phone, how to end a conversation, how to begin a conversations, and ordering food at restaurants, etc. This all seems like very low level stuff compared to what the sophomores were capable of doing during the single class meeting I had with them.

I’m hearing whispers of a school sponsored trip to the Confucius temple this month, so look forward to more on that soon. We (the other foreign teachers and I) have also finally gotten the ball rolling on Chinese classes to begin next week. We picked up our textbooks this week to give approval. My book is an HSK5 (proficiency exam) prep book. It basically contains like 8 practice exams. I’m interested to see how the tutor will spend “class” time to help me prep for it.

Since last week there have been quite a few exciting developments. 

The foreign teachers all had a potluck. The new teachers (Kim and I) didn’t have much to contribute since we are still figuring out where to get ingredients and kitchen supplies. We did cut up a lot of fruit though. Sharlyn (another Fellow) made some bread, coleslaw, and some yummy veggie pasta. Karen, a short term visiting physics professor from Canada, brought some bread and baozi. Jordan, a French teacher (from France), brought some wine and an interesting perspective to our political talks about Trump, healthcare, and other things affecting Americans and Canadians. Mike (the host) had prepared another pasta dish, and some banana pudding. It was good to connect with the other foreign teachers on campus.

I met a senior physics student (who likes to point out how young I am). Since 1) I don’t teach seniors, 2) physics students don’t take English, and 3) she’s only 3 years younger than me, I felt safe agreeing to hang out with her. This hangout session comprised the first real test of my Chinese proficiency other than small talk or asking for service in stores in restaurants. She took me on a scooter ride around QuFu. Next to the Confucius temple is a shopping/eating district. Apparently, it is where all the young people go to hang out in town. We ordered some vegetarian (much to the regret of my new friend) noodles, some frozen fruit yogurt, and did some shopping. They (her friend showed up at this point) were very interested in how I would look in Chinese fashion. Unfortunately for me, this meant trying on a lot of clothes I knew wouldn’t fit simply because our bodies are shaped differently (particularly, Western shoulders will almost never comfortably fit into Chinese shirts even if your chest and rest of your torso manage to fit that size). Afterwards, we went to a street next to a shopping center I’ve visited before. This shopping center has a KFC and a Watsons (think Walgreens or CVS with no medication). The cool thing, though, was that this street, apparently, turns into a night market. I would have never guessed. They set up carnival games and have lots of street vendor foods. Afterwards, they drove us back to campus and we shared a meal in one of the school’s many cafeterias. This turned out to be very nice because I had been too overwhelmed to enter the flooded cafeterias on campus thus far. After eating dinner, they wanted to see my apartment. This might sound weird to some people, particularly those going “whoa don’t invite students to your apartment.” However, this curiosity is borne out of the fact that there is a huge difference in where the local staff and students are housed and where the foreign teachers and students are housed. I showed them my apartment to which they lamented that I live in a castle. I asked if they would let my friend (another foreign teacher on campus) see their dorm since she hasn’t any experience with Chinese college campuses. They agreed after warning me that it would be very messy. After collecting the other teacher, we went to see the student dorms.

I didn’t take any pictures as it would have been rude. Just imagine a building from a post apocalyptic zombie movie. There are bars on all the windows (I assume to prevent suicides or accidents or both). The lights in the hallways don’t work. There aren’t showering facilities anywhere in the buildings and students resort to sponge bathing. All the doors look like prison doors, short, metal, and inset into thick walls. All the doors are locked with padlocks if no one is in the room, and left unlocked if a student is inside. Each roommate has a key for the padlock. When you open the door to the dorm, you will see a room smaller than most people’s bedrooms back home. On the left side of the room are bunkbeds to accommodate four students and the right wall is lined with desks. There is a small porch for them to hang laundry. There is barely any room to walk and definitely no semblance of personal space or privacy. In some dorms, there are 6 beds (four on the left wall, and two high rise beds on the right side that have the desks under them). 

After showing us their dorm, they wanted to show us where the graduate students stay on campus. The difference is night and day. They have a completely newly renovated building. It has an elevator (my building doesn’t even have an elevator). Central heating and air-conditioning. Motion detecting recessed LED lighting in the hallways that turn on and off as you move down the hall. A fancy restaurant like cafeteria in the basement. Only three students to a room, each room containing their own shower and bathroom. Lockers are next to each of the beds for them to put their personal belongings in. They had an even better porch than my apartment, with laundry drying racks that elevate and lower from the ceiling. 

Anyways, that ends the “hang out session”.

Monday the 10th was Teacher Appreciation Day. Sad for me since I no longer have students. But not really, since students still used WeChat to send me messages and found me to give me chocolate. One of my students interviewed me about my love life (I was under the impression it was only going to be sent to my students) and then published it on the school website for a “teacher highlight.”  Now faculty and staff all know about my love life so that is fun! If not extremely awkward. But the page also included student comments about what they think of me as a teacher. Since I only had one class with them, a lot of the comments are that I smile a lot, I talk loud (#AmericanProblems), and that I’m pretty.

I also finally got paid my living stipend by my university. And since nothing is really available in stores around here (like measuring spoons and cheese and butter), I am happy to announce I have figured out how to have things like this delivered through the Chinese version of Amazon (TaoBao). I may or may not have also purchased a popcorn popper for the microwave (anyone who knows me won’t be surprised by this). 

This week also included my first trip to the gym. The other foreign teacher and I joined the most “western” gym we could find. They send us the group class offerings in a weekly WeChat message. Not that that helps either of us since she can’t read Chinese, and I don’t know any workout language in Chinese. However, after doing some conversions from miles to kilometers and figuring out what speed I needed to be running at… I can now report it is extremely hard to run in polluted air. You really can’t breathe. The weight machines are also a trip, because the weights don’t list what weight they are, not in kilograms or lbs. I might take a silver sharpie and just write my best guesstimate. I maxed out one of the machines though, so I’m pretty sure they’re not calibrated the same way they are in the US. Watching the guys faces though when I put max weight on the leg machines was #priceless. 

Yesterday, Tuesday the 11th, I observed a local teacher’s English class. It was a group of junior students doing intensive reading. Their text was about hurricanes and the destruction they cause in the US. So naturally, this North Carolinian had to keep her sh*t together and try not to let her anxiety about Hurricane Florence’s approach mess with the observation. The teacher called on me multiple times during class to explain things like the Salvation Army, portable classrooms, and if “returnees” meant the same thing as refugees in the text. The actual teaching of the class was not as bad as I thought it might be (based on what I hear about Chinese teaching pedagogy towards intensive reading word by word). The teacher still did 98% of the talking, but she focused on language choice (“what words show the power of the storm?”) and article structure (“why would the author choose to break up the narration with this paragraph here?”, “Why are so many of the sentences short and elliptical? What effect does this create?”). The major concerns for me were the lack of student interaction in English (when they did work together it was in Chinese) and the fact that all the students had a reference text which included the article written in Chinese with answers to all the questions and exercises. I talked to the teacher after class and she seemed really open to working together to come up with solutions for these problems which she agrees are problems. She also seemed open to the idea that part of my job and hopes for my role on campus is to hold workshops. 

All the teachers in my office (the linguistics office) are really open and friendly. I think the fact that I have relatively proficient Chinese abilities is helping me here. I hope to keep observing classes till my freshmen classes start so that I can keep building connections and relationships with the other teachers in my office and the literature and translation offices. That way, when it comes time for me to actually suggest things like workshops or MOOCs or other professional development opportunities, maybe some one will actually make time in their already overbooked schedules to hear what I and other teachers have to say. 

That’s all for now!

(I know I promised to be better about pictures…. but next week really I promise… I really will be better. Below are some photos I took while on a walk out of the North gate of my campus.)

[caribmdguy]

Looking back I’m super grateful that I had some time to adapt to things before term 1 med-I’ve met a group of amazing people, I stayed with 1 of the same roommates from term 1 MPH, and had a feel for how SGU operates. Term 1 was exciting, but also a grind. I think the best way to go about reflecting on this is to think about the different sections of the curriculum, and go from there, since your life does kind of revolve around that here, haha.

In the very beginning we had our white coat ceremony, which to be honest I rationalized at first as being silly. I thought to myself “why is SGU giving us long coats, we need short coats for our rotations so we can’t use these!” And “isn’t all this congratulatory stuff a little early? We just got here!” The feeling was amplified when a group of us went to the beach to take photos in our white coats and a nice local woman saw us with our stethoscopes and asked us if we could check her blood pressure. “We…don’t know anything yet. I’m really sorry..”

What the fuck is this

I felt pretty bad about that because here I am in the getup but no idea how to do anything. But the point was to ease us into what would become our life more or less. And an important message of the ceremony was to promote humanism-to treat the person, not the disease. To always remember that what you’re learning is important, but making that connection with your future patients is equally important. I came back to this thought a lot when my motivation faltered. So I put my skepticism aside and celebrated a little before the real work began!

I think I bit off more than I could chew this semester, and learned the hard way. I started an online MBA program just prior to starting, took up a treasurer position for the Public Health Student Association, and maintained running my business, which unexpectedly got a lot of press this semester. It started with a story in the New York Times, which has many errors in their depiction of what was actually happening. I had a lot of consecutive interviews for various news networks between class, and even did a “webcam” interview for a local cable station in my scrubs right out anatomy lab because hey, might as well I guess. It was incredibly frustrating to be painted the way I was, but I think the truth is out there now. In either case that’s a story for another day!

How things worked

To start out, we registered and collected our books and Physical Diagnosis (PD) kit. Altogether this cost just shy of $2,000, and is non-negotiable. Everyone gets these same set of books, printed notes to the FTM module and the same things in your PD kit. I’ve since found out that the stethoscope they get you is actually pretty nice so thats a plus. If you’re curious it’s a ProCardial C3 Titanium Stethoscope – Critical Cardiac Care Edition, which runs around $170. So not bad at all, although I have tried friends Littmann’s and they’re significantly lighter and more comfortable in my opinion. The one SGU gives you is really good, but it’s also pretty thick/heavy. Besides that small complaint, I’ve used it for everything we’ve needed to do here and have gotten pretty used to it, if anything it’s probably even overkill. The only other thing I gripe about is that many of these books I still haven’t used or barely used through the first year, and that we have no choice in that 2k upfront cost. And the most important book to have in my opinion, First Aid, was not in attendance sadly.

Lots of books….With printed notes for the FTM module on top

The PD kit they gave us

For us, I thought the format was pretty straightforward. 4 one hour lectures a day with multiple choice questions in the lecture you respond to on a “clicker.” These were used to check attendance-needing 80% to pass, with this rule applying to other things like small group and multiple choice questions. There were 2-4 small group sessions a week which were pretty varied, from histology (discussing slides), to wet lab (cadavers), biochemistry/physiology (discussion), imaging labs with ultrasound and discussion of radiographs, to patient encounters. There were two SIM lab encounters during the CPR module, which were really fun in my opinion. These were done in mock hospital rooms lined up where we as a group see a robo-patient. It can be pretty realistic-the patient is controlled and you can hear realistic heart sounds and feel pulses among other things, and they set it up for us to mimic some cardiac problems. To do these you have to be basic life support certified, which you usually do at the beginning of the term.

There were 5 major tests, each 3 hours long with 131 questions (except the first exam which is shorter, but all with 82 seconds/question), along with 2 anatomy lab exams. We had weekly multiple choice question sessions (where you need at least 50% right to get the point) and weekly 20 question/30 minute quizzes (again need at least 50% right). There was also an objective structured clinical exam at the end. The latter 4 exams all have cumulative stuff too.

Keep in mind that this is just my experience, they change curriculum a lot.

Foundations to medicine (FTM)

Our first block, the FTM module, was probably the easiest one the first year, which makes sense. But you do hit the ground running. It focused on foundation type concepts in biochemistry, the major genetic diseases and inheritance patterns, cell biology concepts like cell division and apoptosis, histology basics (going over various stains) and skin histology. While that’s the gist, there were broad concepts that touched on things from other disciplines we learn in more detail later on. We rote memorized autonomic nervous system drugs and some major anticancer and antibiotic drugs/actions for example. And learned some fluid dynamics things and about action potentials, that we don’t delve more into until renal/cardio. But looking back, genetics and biochemistry were probably the biggest topics (but fear not, no metabolism yet).

  There were two tests in this section, and small group labs that were mainly histology and biochemistry. By lab I mean there are 8 of us and one facilitator, and in histology we spend two hours looking at slides of cells. We each take turns presenting to the group. There is no hands on in histology-you just need to be able to know what you’re looking at. The small groups were pretty useful I thought because it forced you to learn the material, and for histology especially if you spent around 3 hrs prepping slides you were pretty well set for the test.

I admit here that having a masters in biochemistry gave me a pretty good leg up in this section, so I might be a bit biased here. A lot of the lab test and biochemistry stuff was straightforward IMO and didn’t go into much detail. Most of my friends did pretty well in this section. I will say that the first two tests were probably the biggest filters. A lot of people dropped out after these two tests, and MSK (the next block). I did feel a bit cooped up here. It’s all 100% book work. At times I felt more like I was back in grad school than med school, but with no lab time, a little more tedious. But it gets more fun when you get through it, and these basic concepts are seen again and again.

Right off the bat this is where you’ll start learning how to learn. For me this was the most overwhelming part-everyone is throwing around so many resources with weird names. In the beginning you’ll hear things like “You HAVE to try [insert resource]”

First aid

Firecracker

Picmonics

Sketchy

Uworld

Boards and beyond

(Weird name like Brocephalon’s) Anki deck

Osmosis

Pathoma

USMLE rX

MANY, MANY tutoring group resources…there are so many of these unique to SGU with cool names like G’s get degrees and Kahn academy lite

And on… There were so many that people were throwing at me to try and it was difficult not to get bogged down with trying all the things. But I’m glad that I did a “taste test” so I could find a few that worked for me. Some are better than others, some work for various learning styles better. I will say that I’m a huge advocate for Osmosis, which I’ll talk about more at some point because it has some unique features that helped me organize my study time more efficiently, and for any new med students out there, First Aid is an unofficial requirement. The rest of the resources are somewhat similar with each having pros and negatives and covering a spectrum of learning styles, but they mostly link to First Aid in some way. I wish I would have known this going into term 1 or I’d have bought a hard copy then. But fear not! There were enough resources floating around. If you need something, someone would have a copy of it or the various tutoring groups would have some amazing resources to learn from that they compiled/made themselves, which were in a lot of ways much more useful since they are based on what we’re learning at the time and will most likely be tested on. Everything you need is there somewhere if you asked. Learning to navigate all of the resources and get comfortable with some of them is important thought. And If anything, there’s too much.

Ah, one point on books though. You won’t use them. I studied more or less entirely from the slides. Notable exceptions, in my opinion are First aid (your new bible), Netters, and Gray’s Anatomy Review. But even so, I know plenty of people that never use the books and just use electronic copies (which everyone will have anyway). The other books are fine to use electronically in my opinion because you can load it into noteability or onenote and do a search for what you’re looking for. Wheras for those 3 I mentioned, I think it’s just nicer to flip through and anotate as you go. To each their own!

Musculoskeletal system (MSK)

This next block I started to feel more like I was in med school. We were introduced to the anatomy lab, and had our first patient interactions which included learning ultrasound. Coming off of FTM, being stuck in the books for so long memorizing weird words, this was a blessing in disguise. But it was hard, and a pretty drastic change in material, in the sense that whatever you did to learn in FTM will probably not work in this block. Welcome to all the anatomy. So. Much. Anatomy.

I thought I’d be alright with this because I aced anatomy and physiology in college. Boy was I fucking wrong. Med school anatomy is a different beast. Couple of reasons for this. One-knowing the names of muscles is great. But the questions are going to ask something to the extent of like “a man was stabbed near his shoulder and can’t move his arm. Which nerve is affected?” In a nutshell yes you need to know the anatomy but knowing the nerve routes, blood supply and injuries to all the things and how they would present clinically (buzz words like “winged scapula” or “claw hand” to tip you off). Secondly, I’ve heard that med schools have been slowly trimming anatomy. It used to be a pretty major part of the curriculum. But to make room for new things, they’ve had to cram this into less time. At my school, you’ll have just 4 weeks to learn the bones, muscles, nerves, blood supplies, ligaments, histology/physiology, injuries, and what in the hell you’re looking for on radiographs.

But man, it gets real in anatomy lab. It all looks like..meat at first. Is this “noodle” a nerve, vein or artery? IDK! Nothing is nicely colored or labeled in real life, so you have to find some sort of easy to find landmark to know where you are. I’d been used to the smell of formaldehyde after doing dissections on cats in college (couldn’t afford cadavers). But we started learning hands, and…that’s when it hit me I think, that this was a human, with a story, a life, a family….I almost threw up. To make matters worse the facilitator jokingly said “here, let me give you a hand” and gave me a dissected, amputated hand to hold, while proceeding to whip out his tools to point out some nerves on said hand. I wasn’t prepared for that, but hey. It was a good pun. Ultimatly I didn’t actually puke, and we had no idea what we were supposed to be looking for anyway. So…win win I guess?

Complete anatomy pic-actually from the Neuro module (term 2), but found out how to get some clearer images to label things I wanted to point out by then.

View from Complete Anatomy app on Ipad, has a ton of great features! basically labels everything you need to know for the MSK module. I relied on this and Netter’s primarily to figure things out.

Some notes on anatomy lab and what I did to study. First off, there’s no dissections-everything is pre-dissected, and I think this is overall a good thing. We can find what we’re looking for faster. The lab had a series of “loops” set up with say 5ish stations in each loop that has a different area dissected. If we were focusing on upper arm for example, one station may be a whole cadaver with the auxilia/clavicle exposed so you can see brachial plexus, one may be bones of the arm and hand, one may be various dissections to follow nerves to the hand, you get the idea. We’d typically have about 10 minutes per station with a list of important structures to find. In each station I’d say there were usually 4 of us, which I think is a good number without feeling too crowded and gave everyone space to contribute or take turns leading. There were plenty of professors wandering around for help as well, and aside from this the lab had pretty flexible hours. A good amount of people took advantage of this, I didn’t though, but I did come in once for a professor guided run-down of structures. The professor guided one was very useful, we got 2 (optional) of hese per block, and a group signs up for a professors time-slot. I didn’t go to open lab mainly because I eventually found a way to study that translated pretty well to finding structures on a cadaver, which I prepped before lab and then tested myself on he real cadaver during wet lab, and even in the MSK module (the most anatomy heavy by far), anatomy exams are not worth many points at all here.

One of my favorite parts of this was that we saw standardized patients to try the basics of physical exam, like reflexes and various maneuvers to look for injuries to the knee for example. We also learned how to use ultrasound here too, which was more focused on showing us the basics of how to work it and what different kinds of tissue look like. A good setup for the cardio section, where we spent more time learning how to view important heart and lung structures.

I prepped for 3-4 hours before each wet lab so I’d have an idea of what I was looking for starting with the dissection videos the school provided, which were (mostly) well done, but some were pretty old and pixilated or hard to understand. My learning strategy for this was a bit all over the place and I was really thrown to the wall with how to study the first week and slowly figured out what worked for me. I eventually figured that learning the pretty “cartoon” version of a structure and testing myself on cadaver picture atlases worked well. So to learn the leg muscles, I’d open up my trusty Netters atlas (good to know your way around so you can find things later!) and spent a lot of time looking at that. Then I’d mess around with it on Complete Anatomy, which is useful for getting a good 3D image of it in your head. It’s an EXCELLENT 3D anatomy app that does a ton of useful things like showing blood/nerve supply and actions of various muscles, among other things. I’d test myself using Grays dissection guide, and finally McMinn and Abraham’s clinical atlas. McMinns atlas was pretty overlooked by my classmates, but has tagged cadaver pictures with the answers off the image so you can cover the answers and test yourself in a similar way they tested us in the lab exam. That and Grays dissection also note common anatomical variations that are important to know. I basically have done some version of this to learn the rest of anatomy throughout MS1. But everyone learned this in so many different ways. A lot of people relied heavily on drawing things out and watching videos for example. With that said, I survived MSK but it wasn’t one of my better exams. Turns out I focused too much on learning the anatomy and not enough learning injuries, which was more high yield on our exam. I found this was an important lesson though….anything tied to an injury or disease is always going to be super important to know.

Cardio Pulmonary Renal (CPR)

The cardio part of this block was my favorite I think of this semester, while the renal part was probably my worst. From everyone I’ve talked to, you liked one and hated the other. To me the heart made a lot of intuitive sense. You could think through this one! If you knew the basics of how the “piping” goes, and imagine it as one big plumbing system flowing through the lungs, chambers and valves of the heart and to the body, you can imagine what would happen if there was say a kink in a pipe. And just thinking through what would happen saved me some time memorizing. I think some people that struggled with it got stuck on some of the details and memorizing everything. I will say some of the more difficult aspects of the cardio section was the ECG and understanding what’s going on. I can confidently say I was answering the questions mostly right on this because I followed an algorithm to figure it out that we learned. Could I explain why it’s like that or think through it? Hell no!

The small groups for this were pretty exciting I thought, we got to learn some basics of the physical exam like breath and heart sounds, checking blood pressure and various pulses, but my favorite was probably ultrasound. Although we didn’t get a ton of time with this, seeing a beating heart in real time on a real person was pretty amazing. We learned various views on this to look at valves, as well as what you’d see in serious problems like cardiac temponate-when fluid builds up in the pericardium, which “suffocates” the heart with less space to beat.

This was also when we did our SIM labs. I was super nervous the first time, because I didn’t know what to expect, and I think our patient had a form of congestive heart failure. But honestly it was fun and not super high stress at all. We got to apply what we learned in physical exam and hear/see things in an actual person with the disease that a standardized patient can’t replicate. The environment is very similar to a hospital room, and we learned what we should be looking for to assess a patient like this.

Lastly, we moved on the renal system, which is far more complex than I would have thought. While the cardio/pulmonary exam was one of my best tests this term, renal was my worst. The anatomy and embryology stuff was pretty simple, not a whole lot to the kidneys. But the physiology aspect was what got me. Renal physiology is pretty complex, with a lot of hormone and regulation type things going on. By now I was getting burned out too, and looking back I probably could have pushed a little bit harder. I was so ready for the flight home. I was literally counting the hours at this point to when I could fly home and see my wife again. And you know what? It was all good. Made it through.

I reviewed some of the renal things when I got back, but didn’t go too crazy because still had our summer MPH term that started immediately after the renal exam. I stayed on the island a bit longer and attended MPH classes in person for about a week because flights were super expensive right after classes were done. Thankfully, they switched to allowing us to take these classes online so I didn’t have to stay over the summer like I thought I might need to. Thank god for that!

Overlooking BBC beach after finishing up the last exam!

Packed and ready to head back home

Near where we did our MPH classes, overlooking the airport. Was so ready to leave.

Finally got a little beach time before heading home

Term 1 med, looking back Looking back I’m super grateful that I had some time to adapt to things before term 1 med-I’ve met a group of amazing people, I stayed with 1 of the same roommates from term 1 MPH, and had a feel for how SGU operates.