#and I just became aware that you existed two hours ago

[kazhanko-art]

sometimes entering queer spaces is like fae trap where you think you’ll be sharing hobbies and interests and suddenly you’ve learned everyone’s deepest traumas before their names

[favefandomimagines]

blue eyes crying in the rain (a.b)

Summary: your marriage with Anthony was a dream; until it all went slightly sour.

AN: I love a good angsty Anthony fic

When you first met Anthony Bridgerton, it was like time stopped. You had heard the rumors that he was not searching for a marriage built of love but a marriage built on duty. But everything changed when Daphne introduced her friend and her brother. It was as if you were the only people in the room.

Everyone else simply did not exist. He was charming, intelligent, he made you feel as if you were the most beautiful woman in the world.

Anthony was enamored with you. You were the perfect woman physically but you were perfect just simply a person. You made him laugh, made him feel seen and loved. It was terrifying to him that one day the same fate that took his father would take you too.

But he could not care any less. The two of you wed at the end of June and everything was purse bliss. Until you returned from your honeymoon. It had not taken much for you to become with child and you were pregnant. Once you became pregnant, Anthony changed. He spent more and more time in his study or with his brothers.

You rarely saw him outside of going to bed and you felt isolated. You were going through this pregnancy alone. Had he regretted the marriage? Were you not desirable anymore now that you were with child? Too many intrusive thoughts clouded your brain and you had no one to talk to. You would rather not alert the rest of the family to the troubles that you and Anthony were facing. So you were handling that alone as well.

It was late one night, way past midnight by the time Anthony got home. Benedict was dragging him across the foyer of your home as you stood on the stairs in your robe.

“Y/N, what are you doing up? You shouldn’t be awake at this hour in your condition.” Benedict commented. “Well, I was waiting for my husband but that seemed futile two hours ago.” You replied. “My apologies, Y/N. I did not mean to keep him out so late.” Benedict replied.

“It was my idea, my darling Y/N. We had some business to attend to.” Anthony slurred. “You have been attending to business quite a bit.” You spoke. Both Bridgerton brothers could see that you were not pleased.

Benedict excused himself, giving you a smile before exiting the home. “Anthony, this has gotten out of hand.” You spoke. “What has?” He questioned. “You are gone all hours of the night, while I’m left alone.” You answered.

“It feels as though I'm facing this pregnancy alone. You're never here!” You added. “I have responsibilities, Y/N. You know that.” Anthony replied. “Responsibilities? Is that what you call it? Neglecting your wife and child?” You rebutted. “I provide for you, don’t I? Is that not enough?” Anthony argued back.

“No, Anthony, it is not! I need you here, with me, not off attending to your clubs and politics!” You yelled. This was the first time you had raised your voice with Anthony. It was a side to you he had never seen before.

"Those clubs and politics secure our future, Y/N. You think I do this for fun?" Anthony said back. “When you are gone every night, yes I think you do it for fun. I think you've forgotten what's truly important. I'm carrying your child!" You said. "And I'm doing everything I can to ensure our child's future!" Anthony yelled back.

"What about our present? What about me? Do I not deserve your time?" You asked him. "I don't have time to argue about this." Anthony said, rather than answering.

He walked around you back up the stairs, walking away from you and the argument. "That's your answer to everything, isn't it? Avoidance!" You called after him. "I can't be with you every moment. You knew this when we married." Your husband said.

“I am aware of that Anthony, but I didn't expect to feel so alone in my own marriage." You replied, following after him.. “You’re being unfair.” Anthony said, stopping to turn to you. "I'm being honest! I need you, Anthony. Our child needs you." You told him, standing face to face with him. “I’m doing the best I can!” Anthony yelled.

There was a rage in his eyes that scared you. This was not the man you had married, this was a completely different person. Where did the love he had for you go? Where had the kind, gentle man go?

“Your best isn’t good enough. Not anymore. Every time I look at you, I see a stranger. Where did the man I married go?” You responded, sadness lacing your voice.

You both fell silent, standing in the hallway. You moved to walk around him back to your bed chambers. “I need some time alone, please.” You said. “Y/N, wait-” Anthony started. “No, Anthony. Just let me be.” You interrupted, this time not returning his gaze.

Anthony watched you walk away and close the door behind you. He cursed himself as he walked to his study. He hadn’t realized just how badly he was hurting you. His pride and ego prevented him from seeing it. He was raised better than how he was behaving and he was hurting his wife.

He wanted to fix it, he needed to fix it. But you had made abundantly clear that you needed space. But how much space?

XX

The next morning, you and Anthony didn’t speak a word to each other at breakfast. Anthony was urging to hear your voice but you were steadfast in remaining silent. He watched as you finished your breakfast and moved to stand from your seat.

A look of discomfort crossed your features as you stood. You grabbed your stomach as you continued to stand fully.

“Are you alright?” Anthony asked. Your lady’s maid came to your side to help you stand fully. “Thank you, Gloria.” You said to her kindly. You took your leave to the garden, Anthony watching you as you left.

“Gloria, keep a watchful eye on her.” He instructed the maid. “Yes, my lord.” Gloria responded, walking after you.

Later that afternoon, as you were in the sitting room, you felt that sharp pain in your stomach again. You moved quickly and placed your hand on your stomach again. But as the pain increased, you winced and soon your winces became groans of pain.

“My lady, what is the matter?” Gloria asked you. “I do not know. I-I have some pain in my stomach.” You answered. Gloria instructed the other maid to go fetch the Viscount as she stayed by your side.

“I don’t want to worry him.” You spoke. “But what if something is wrong?” Gloria questioned. You were about to reply when the pain increased and felt like a dagger to your stomach.

You let out an even louder groan of pain as Anthony rushed into the room. “Y/N, darling, what’s wrong?” He asked, kneeling in front of you. “The pain started this morning and now it won’t stop.” You explained. “I-Is the baby coming?” He questioned. “No, this is different. Anthony, what if something’s wrong?” You replied.

Anthony looked at you for a moment, seeing your fear and your pain. “Call the doctor. Tell him it’s an emergency.” Anthony instructed his butler. “I-I don’t know what this could mean. What if I lose the baby?” You panicked.

“Y/N, look at me,” Anthony started. He grabbed her hands and you looked at him with watery eyes. “Our baby is going to be okay. You are going to be okay. I know I wasn’t here before but I am here now and I love you.” Your husband told you. “I love you too.” You replied.

When the doctor arrived, you were escorted to your chambers so you could be more comfortable while he was examining you. The doctor was quiet as he examined you, not saying much. That bothered Anthony. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Nothing to comfort you or reassure you that your baby was okay.

“The baby is alright, Lady Bridgerton. You experienced a rather normal part of pregnancy; contractions that don’t lead to labor. They are quite alarming, especially given that this is your first child, but the baby is okay.” He explained. “So she’s okay?” Anthony asked. “Yes. Both mother and child are healthy.” The doctor answered.

You let out a subtle sigh of relief as you rested your head against the bed frame. At the door, the butler escorted the doctor out and Anthony turned to look at you.The adrenaline from the fear he felt had finally worn off and now he was just terrified.

Anthony moved to sit next to you on the edge of the bed and took your hand in his. “I have been an awful husband.” He spoke. “Anthony,” You sighed.

“I have heard the risks of childbirth. Women die while birthing a child and I do not think I’ve ever been more terrified than I was at this moment. I thought I would lose you and our child. I caught a glimpse into what my mother felt when she lost my father and I never want to feel that. I’ve been wasting precious time with you just because I was scared.” Anthony continued.

You finally understood why he had distanced himself since you fell pregnant. He was afraid he was going to lose you during childbirth. You wished he would have come to you with his fears rather than pushing you away when you needed him most.

“Anthony, I do not plan on going anywhere. I wish you would have just told me what you were feeling. It’s alright to be vulnerable, especially with me. It doesn’t make you less of a man.” You finally said.

“I know that now. And I am so sorry for neglecting you the way I did. You needed me and I wasn’t there.” Anthony said. “I forgive you.” You told him.

Anthony looked at you with disbelief, fully convinced you wouldn’t forgive him for his behavior.

“I love you, Anthony. We have to forgive the ones we love for their mistakes. Besides, if the stress of being mad at you is what caused my condition, I’d rather not go through it again.” You teased.

Anthony gave you a tearful laugh before kissing you deeply.

Two months later, you welcome a healthy baby boy into the world. And he has his father wrapped around his finger.

[ybklix]

you can be the boss

★ pairing: softdom!chrisbang x inexperiencedfem!reader part one / PART TWO

☆summary: The hot summer continues with more lies and uncontrollable experiences that you never know exactly how they will end.

✧ genre - warnings: MDNI 18+, smut, daddy kink, spanking, clitplay, fingering, cunnilingus, piv, pet names, multiple orgasms, tiny bit angst

word count: 8k

masterlist - taglist ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹

It was either going to be a very long and beautiful summer or a fateful and hopeless one.

After that night your body was sore, it was only soft and sweet when you asked but upon asking him to do it fast there was no turning back. It was late at night and you both had to go back to your rooms as someone was waiting for you there when you woke up. Chris hugged and kissed you sweetly stroking your hair for a while until you could control yourself from something that seemed uncontrollable, your body destroyed but absolutely filled in pleasure and satisfaction, it had only happened once that you wanted to become addicted, his strong arms on your naked body made you think you always belonged there. Tormented you wondered why you had to meet him like this and not do it on your own, without him being involved in a compromising situation.

Chris looked at you fondly, all of you were struggling to recover and gently told you that you could discuss everything in the afternoon in his office, where most of the time Ruby won’t interrupt or bother him… and him mentioning her and you hearing her name, you almost came back to all your senses, wanting to tell and reproach yourself what you had done, what were you thinking having sex with your aunt’s boyfriend but… once again, being wrapped in his arms those questions and blames were meaningless, you liked Chris and he was treating you very well, you didn’t understand what was wrong with that.

And then, something that excited you slightly again but you hid it in a soft smile, Chris whispering sweetly to you:

“I want to try so many things with you. I’ll make you feel so good.”

You weren’t that naive, but when it came to Chris you suddenly became just that. You were so excited about all the things he could do to you and everything you could do with him -and his big cock-, you never thought you’d find yourself in a situation where you were actually incredibly horny. However you were also a little disappointed that your horniness won you over completely, enough to cheat like that on a woman who has been nothing but nice to you since she met you and opened you up to her family, as much as to trust you and show you her new boyfriend which this time she was hopeful and excited about, and to have unprotected sex with him. You wanted to self-manipulate, convincing yourself that the pill would work its magic and you would be more aware next time, not to stop fucking Chris, just doing it with protection next time, you just couldn’t stop now you had him.

The next morning you avoided everyone’s gaze, you felt too dirty and embarrassed to even look at Liv, for as much as she said she would love to fuck Chris, she would never do it and it was just a little joke, instead you, took the little jokes to another level, he had a girlfriend and was someone you knew very closely.

Still there was a force that drew you to him, and there you were, going to his office in a very strategic and hidden room in his house at the end of that hallway. Ruby started a pilates class and Minho was going to distract Liv, the details of which Chris wanted to avoid in knowing how he would do it. Chris confessed to him a little ashamed of what had happened and of the words that suddenly came out of his mouth that night, he might have been a little drunk but he remembered every detail of what had happened a few hours ago, which he was grateful for, he had never felt like that before. Minho encouraged him a little, telling him that if it was you who he really wanted, that breakups exist for a reason with no problem, that Ruby was his girlfriend of just months and they didn’t in itself have a wedding plan, at least not for Chris, while he also told him that he felt slightly guilty, he always had different sexual partners at the same time, but when he was in a relationship it was common sense that he was devoted to that person, but now, it just seemed to change.

Now he was in his office, sitting on the couch, with his ankle on his thigh, one hand on his mouth and one on his thigh, waiting for you, in a pensive mode. His mind was spinning, thinking what would be the ideal thing to do, he was immensely fond of Ruby, but all he could think of was the also immense desire he had to meet you, something about you appealed to him so much, he wanted you for himself.

His mind didn’t seem to be quiet until you appeared there, standing in front of his door, locking the door so as not to be interrupted. You smiled at him and he returned the gesture immediately; you watched him, he looked incredibly dominant in that position, with his index and middle finger wagging in indication for you to approach him, in contrast to his soft, sweet expression, with his eyes sparkling at the sight of you dressed comfortably in a white ruffled skirt and a thin strappy blouse of the same color with a cute little cherries print detail on it.

Chris lowered his leg and looked at you with fascination as you stood nearby, raising his eyes.

“Hey,” you greeted shyly with a smile, about to not do such a shy act.

You leaned on his shoulders and settled on top of him, facing each other. Chris smiled and quickly grabbed you by the waist. He took a closer look at you, you were wearing a thin silver necklace, earrings and no bra, Chris could see how slightly your soft nipples were marked on the fabric of your blouse and his mind quickly thought that you were most likely just wearing your panties under your skirt, turning him on in seconds, but before touching you, he wanted to talk a little serious.

“Hey my babygirl” he returned your greeting, to which you softly bit your lip as you finally heard his voice.

The image of him and your weak body being taken and fucked lived in your mind forever, exciting every inch of you, you wanted to do it every time and this time you didn’t want to have to share it with another woman.

Chris sighed a little frustrated, confusing you a little.

“What’s wrong, Chris?” you asked him genuinely concerned.

The answer was obvious, you were on his lap, at his disposal and more than agreeable to him taking you and doing with you whatever he wanted, but you were a guest in his house, and niece of his girlfriend; about to fuck behind her back while the poor woman wasn’t home. Chris tightened his grip on your waist and began to caress your thighs, thinking it wasn’t fair, to anyone, but you had absolutely not a drop of blood in your young body that tied you to Ruby and god, Chris could see how different the two of you were. You has this power over him, there was something about you that drove him crazy in seconds and yesterday he only discovered a part of it, but he was still trying to figure it out because… how he confessed he liked you just days after meeting you and normally it wasn’t something he would do, he was a righteous guy who knew himself very well, he knew he would never go for women that young and he had never cheated in his relationships, but there you were, looking at him so sweetly that you made him melt with your delicate body on his.

But looking directly into his eyes changes everything about him, you make him go from one emotion to another in seconds and he loves that. Your look so mischievous yet innocent, he wanted to destroy every part of your body and then hold you tightly until he felt every beat of your heart close to him. He wanted that little part of you to never end, it was enough with the slightest thing to fall before you, Chris just needed a sign, and you gave it to him so divinely.

“Y/n” he spoke seriously, capturing your attention completely, “I meant what I said last night, I can still remember everything” you looked at him confused and then your cheeks started to heat up, as you immediately thought about the little sentence he suddenly blurted out and you didn't want to make a big deal out of it, because deep down you could believe that it was just about sex and a part of you was fine with that, as much as you wanted everything with Chris, “…I do like you and I’d like to get to know you better” he finished sweetly.

You couldn’t help but smile broadly with satisfaction and shifted slightly more on his lap like a happy little girl getting good news. His caresses became more consistent Chris loved touching every part of you and he smiled back at you, watching you tenderly.

You watched him, every part of him was a dream, you liked him too from the first moment you saw him, you never thought it would all be so fast and end up consuming you viciously.

“I like you too” you replied, but a silence that was short seconds but somehow seemed longer came over you, “… but, what shall we do now?” your question was so genuine and came out naturally, almost making you look innocent.

“Don’t worry” he whispered softly as he saw your slight frown and your lips in a soft pout, Chris wanted to kiss them and the fact that he could now do it whenever he wanted to, but unfortunately only on the sly, made his insides burn, “We just met at a weird time in our lives. I’ll wait these next few weeks for when your family-, her family leaves and I’ll break up with her.”

Chris said it so matter-of-factly that you were shocked by the fact that he was going to leave her but a part of you was so glad that… he was going to leave her for you. Still, after so many fantasies that finally came true the slight guilt came to you, Chris noticed, you were with your own war of emotions, whether to feel happy, guilty, confused; you over thought the fact that if he was unfaithful to Ruby and if he starts dating you, maybe he could do the same, you didn’t know what to feel, but Chris only returned to hold you tighter, you looked so cute thinking, to him.

“It’ll be all right, really. We’ll get to know each other more and I’ll be here for you” he commented, smiling as his hands traveled dangerously to massage your ass.

You decided to shove the thoughts away and focused on him, as you nodded softly, sticking your body more towards him unconsciously, ready to be kissed, but Chris came closer to your ear, with his body full of arousal and with a husky voice he whispered, following his hot game that put you in such a uniquely horny mode:

“Daddy’s here for you, baby doll. I’ll make you happy, my pretty baby. I’ve got everything under control, so don’t worry. Do you trust me?”

You stood still, listening intently to every word that came out of his attractive mouth with his also attractive voice and shuddered in seconds, making your poor inexperienced pussy and emotions throb to the surface. Chris slowly pulled away from you with a cocky grin and raising his eyebrows waiting for a response from you, licking his lips as he watched you wanting to hide your excited expression and feeling your body giving in to him and his caresses, you were already slightly trembling and he was barely squishing your ass with his big hands.

“Yes daddy” you tried to speak normally as you were dying to kiss him.

Chris nodded softly, losing himself with his hands on your body, caressing everything and making his arousal rise, stiffening his cock at the thought of having you again, with the taste in his mouth that every encounter with you would be better than the last. It would surpass every expectation in him.

He squeezed your ass again, his hands traveling from your thighs to under your skirt, pulling your body into him and squeezing hard making you sigh in surprise.

“You’re a naughty little doll, why are you only wearing panties under your skirt, huh? Is it for daddy or do you go around teasing daddy’s friend too?” Chris spoke again seductively teasing you, raising his eyes and chin to look at you since you were slightly taller being on his lap.

You blinked in confusion, understanding that he meant Minho, to which you quickly denied.

“No daddy, just for you.”

Chris smiled again, licking his lips and biting his lower lip, his large hands took your buttocks almost in their entirety and played with your skin, massaging and spreading them apart, pushing the fabric of your panties further between your folds and making you bite your lip to keep from letting out a moan.

“Is my baby all excited to have her daddy, isn’t she?” he spoke amused, playing with his tongue on the inside of his mouth and you nodded somewhat exasperated.

You were slowly losing patience, your heart was pounding and your pussy was so wet and slippery from your constant lubrication, you needed him again so badly and him talking slightly dirty referring to him as daddy only helped in making you more restless, fantasizing about being more than filled again with his massive cock.

“Stand up a little… like this, on your knees, good girl” he ordered taking you by the waist so that you lifted your body still over him.

Chris quickly pulled down your panties leaving them halfway down your thighs and making you gasp, he boldly eyed your body and lifted your skirt a moment to lose his sight on your open pussy, with your knees on either side of his thighs, biting his lip at the sight of your mons venus and your slightly visible labia. Chris’s cock throbbed trapped in his pants and he grunted subtly. You watched him, with your hands on his shoulders and looking down at him from above, weak and quivering full of sexual energy ready to be slowly released by your new lover.

He brought his fingertips to your pussy, gently brushing your length, shuddering every inch of your body and contracting your body, Chris found himself absorbed in the sight of your pussy, but as he felt your body spasming over his, he quickly raised his gaze to your face. And he left your pussy, wet and exposed to direct his hands to your torso, stroking it up and down until he slowly pulled up your blouse and you let him remove it, tossing it carefree to the side.

The whole process was so hot and slow, your body couldn’t contain it, you were going to explode with excitement if that was even possible, you felt incredibly impatient but at the same time you were enjoying every little moment and new sensation in you.

Chris’ face was almost level with your bare breasts which he watched with fascination but didn’t touch, making your nipples hard at everything you were waiting for, waiting to be touched by him on every part of you.

“Babygirl, take off your skirt for me, come on, let me touch you better” he commented, staring into your eyes.

You sighed and stood up, standing in front of him, about to slide your skirt off until he interrupted again.

“Do it slow, show me everything that is mine that I can’t wait to have…”

His voice ignited everything about you and you did your best to obey him, swaying your hips seductively as you slid off your skirt until you let it fall to the floor; you noticed how Chris indicated for you to come closer and you did, he by himself slid your panties completely off, finally leaving you naked.

“Fuck” he whispered with a noticeable pain in his cock at not being released and attended on, “Come here again, princess, just as you were.”

You smiled happily, once you were naked there was no turning back, you knew he could do with you whatever he wanted and pleased. You positioned yourself again and the first thing he says to you, sweetly is:

“Kiss me now, baby doll.”

You didn’t know why you felt particularly nervous about that request when you were already naked on top of him with his hands on your waist. You again held him tightly by his shoulders and leaned into him, closing your eyes and in search of an act as intimate and necessary for both of you as kissing was. You intertwined your lips making the act so slow and fiery, hearing in the silence of the room your heavy breaths and your mouths colliding, you gently moved your body with excitement as you enjoyed Chris’ hands on you, from your thighs to moving up your waist and massage your breasts, today you were being touched with attention and care without taking a second off him, tasting his tongue and lips while you gently tilted your head to adapt to his delightful pace.

Your body was losing strength and you wrapped your arms around his neck, stroking his hair, giving in to the most sensual make out session that made your skin tingle, but you regained all your energy when you felt his right hand caress your pussy wrapping around your ass. You parted and Chris saw you with a smile as your face was starting to be a mess, flushed, with your lips swollen and trying not to be so obvious that you were loving the feel of his fingers touching your cunt.

Chris with his long fingers found your sensitive spot, taking it with his middle and index finger while his thumb played with your labia and kept teasing your entrance. You shuddered again, sighing softly as he enjoyed teasing you. Chris panted, his erection again was bothering him as it was so tight in his pants, but he didn’t want to move until he was making you enjoy yourself fully, playing with your clit and teasing your entrance with his thumb, inserting it shallowly and moistening it to move it to your sensitive, throbbing labia. You were enjoying them more and more, relaxing your body and letting yourself be pleasured by him, Chris bit his lip and continued to work on your pussy slowly, in a wonderful rhythm that made all your hairs stand on end, he was doing it so well, but he was so incredibly aroused that in slightly awkward movements he returned to kissing your skin, trapping your breast in his mouth, enjoying the sensation of having his mouth busy and his fingers making you feel good, almost you trembling before him.

He gently sucked on your nipple causing you to shiver, you were being a mess of excitement just now as his lips continued to stick to your skin, leaving little marks to finally raise his gaze again and watch you struggle to stay calm, but you couldn’t. Chris drew a big smile on his face again, he caressed your naked torso with his free hand before suddenly starting to spank you and squeezing your buttock, stimulating you further.

You moaned from the impact of his hand with your ass, his smacks were more pleasurable than painful and left your skin tinged red so you groaned in surprise every time you received them; Chris was starting to change the pace and get a little wilder with his movements on your pussy which was bringing you closer to your orgasm, making you restless and pushing you to your limit. He just watched your panting body with amusement, his hand kept slapping your ass and squeezing the injured area, flinching each time, he finally stopped spanking you, to bring the fingers of that hand to your entrance, he raised his eyebrows, almost warning you that he was about to insert them into you, making you gasp loudly, even his fingers were filling you so perfectly. Chris pushed his fingers into your tight entrance, biting his lip as he explored your insides causing his cock to throb with more intensity, so close to his climax in his pants.

His hand kept attending to your sensitive clit at the same time the other was frantically acting on your core bringing your climax closer. You whimpered softly at being touched so strategically, weakening you, straining your muscles so close to your culmination.

“Oh c’mon, are you gonna cum?” his voice thickened and seemed more demanding than a question.

You nodded with difficulty, your body was filling with an incredible knot that you had never felt so intensely before Chris and that only he was capable of achieving in you. He moved his fingers in you harder, reaching to a sweet spot in your inside making you unable to hold back anymore and you released in an orgasm, cumming out into his hand; you had no idea how he accomplished it but your body reacted that way, embarrassing you a little as you faded into the incredible sensation of your climax.

“Oh, sweetie, you made a mess” he said again, looking at you with pity and tenderness.

You didn’t think you were capable of doing something like that so your cheeks grew warm.

“I’m sorry” you suddenly got shy, after being the one to first seek him out in the first place, sneaking up to where he was and proposing something indecent to him, just a few hours ago in the late hours of the night.

Chris let out a chuckle, licking his lips as he pulled his fingers out of you.

“It’s okay. Good girl” he said contentedly elongating his words, “Now sit down and let daddy clean up the mess you left, my pretty baby.”

You looked up at him with tired eyes and felt his hands on your waist and his body move; Chris left you sitting on the couch as he got on his knees in front of you, spreading your legs apart with his hands and you were extremely sure of what he was going to do. His mouth moved to your pussy, pulling your body towards him to better settle in, you sighed, once again excited at what awaited you as with him it was a continuous series of thrills and new experiences that you never wanted to end.

He stared into your eyes as his mouth and tongue caught your clit, you bit your lip to keep from bursting out a little squeal, you were so excited but at the same time you were thinking about more people around his house. Chris sucked on your clit and did it harder intentionally as he felt his aching cock spurting out his cum, indicating that he had reached his first climax just by touching you and tasting a little bit of you. Chris loved touching you in spots that stimulated you enough to shudder, he could play with you all day long. You gasped at your clit being foreplayed sizzlingly and Chris continued with his face shoved in your pussy, licking the entire length of your labia and stimulating you to perfection until he made you arch your back, once again you both found yourselves incredibly horny, you were so wet, enjoying every second until he spoke again:

“I want you to ride my cock, princess, I think your pretty pussy is ready, hmm” he suddenly warned, pulling away from you and leaving you exasperated, he had just left you very lubricated and aroused.

Chris stood up, still well erect despite having cum, he wasn’t going to be satisfied until he used your pussy, putting his big bulge in his crotch on sight for your sore eyes, you looked at him eagerly and your mouth salivated as he did the so dirty hot act with his big veiny hands, which you lost your sight in them, unable to believe they were those attractive big hands touching you; Chris unbuttoned his pants and took them off along with his underwear to reveal his incredible cock already covered in his own cum and wiggling as if it was such a natural thing for him, and he fell back on the couch, sighing tiredly, but more than alive, ready for you to take him with effort.

You sighed half-heartedly and nervously that it would be your first time riding a cock and all you could think was that you wanted to make it the best for Chris and that he wouldn’t regret being the one you chose.

“Mmm… Daddy do you have a condom?”

He smiled at you, “Smart baby. They’re in the second drawer of my desk.”

You were so nervous, the condom was almost an excuse to generate time. Chris watched you tenderly as you reached for the condom and shyly walked a few steps naked into his office. Finally you returned to position yourself on his lap, he looked so relaxed and dominant with his stiff erect cock, watching in detail and tenderness every action you made as Chris had a dirty fantasy of destroying your pussy and the innocence you suddenly radiated.

“Mmm, fuck baby, wrap it on me now, please” he gasped slightly desperate.

You on the other hand wanted to keep acting as natural as possible without him being able to tell you had never done it before. Still, Chris could read you so easily and watched as you opened the wrapper with uncertainty. He licked his lips, gently biting his tongue as he was being attacked for controlling his urges, his urge to take you desperately and fuck you. Chris sucked air between his teeth and tilted his head, giving you his patience as he watched in detail what you were doing, to finally you place it so nicely, unwrapping it down his length and making him sigh which got your attention and you looked into his eyes, almost expecting to be approved but he saw your hands on his cock and then stared at you.

Chris almost in a reflex placed his hand on your cheek, holding you gently and looking at you tenderly, his eyes dark with desire but bright with the incredible feeling you made him sense, he involved feelings and there was nothing he could do, his heart was pounding in his chest and all he could think about was you.

“Alright, babygirl, take me” he sighed aroused and genuinely excited to have you close to him and for you to finally work on his cock.

You sketched a smile, sexual excitement took over your body and your pussy reacted by throbbing every muscle in it, almost screaming to be filled by him.

You took his hard penis almost halfway down his length, wrapped in the thin latex, and lifted your body, lining up your entrance at his tip and letting your body fall, you both made your respective sounds on the spot, you whimpered holding back, trying to adjust to his size stretching every part of you, and Chris for his part grunted again in relief, sucking air between his teeth, so pleased to feel his cock shoved into your soft, wet core, so deep and squeezing his member, almost smothering it in an infuriatingly pleasurable sensation.

“Ahh ah, you’re so big, daddy, fuck” you babbled in pain, dropping your body lower and lower until you caught his cock completely and enveloped it all over your newly used and pleasured —and slightly shattered— tight conduct, just for him.

Chris hummed in satisfaction and you stood still for a second, catching your breath, getting used to the new sensation of his big cock inside you, and watched him, he looked so fucking handsome, waiting with a sweet but penetrating look for you to move on your own in him; you inspected him and became more aroused at the thought of seeing him naked too as he had a dream body, to which you almost in a whisper asked him:

“Daddy, take it off too” you said, tugging at his shirt.

Chris giggled, “Whatever my baby asks, who wants to see her daddy all to herself.”

You subtly bit your lip and watched as carefully that he didn’t bump into you, Chris raised his strong arms, pulled off his shirt, and tossed it carelessly to the side. You saw his body brazenly, his prominent and marked pecs and abdomen, he was all a dream your sex throbbed again already with his cock inside. Chris smiled small and shyly, as he watched your delicate hands pass in comparison to his upper limbs, caressing with fascination his biceps area where on his slightly pale skin his veins were visible and bulging, you squeezed them a little and, in a gasp you pressed his chest to yours, wrapping your arm around the back of his neck, joining your ear to his cheek while with your other hand, you rested on one of his pecs, with some struggling but incredibly full of pleasure and inner fire, you began to move on his cock, causing both of you to moan.

Chris quickly wrapped his forearm around your ass, leaving his hand on your hip. The other one hugged you from your back, pulling you closer to his body, crushing your breasts into his chest and intensifying each deep thrust you had as he lifted your body and ass, sliding his great length in and some of it out until he found a rhythm between some pain, struggles, and ragged breaths. Your insides were squeezing his cock like they had never been before and Chris kept fantasizing about the fact that maybe the concept of innocence he had of you exceeded his expectations. Chirs was being fucking sweetly tortured, he was panting, seeing stars, lost with his chin on your shoulder inhaling your scent, and listening to every sweet moan of your adored body, he was being pleasured and stimulated to the limit.

“Ahh fuck, my babygirl, you feel sso fucking good, I fucking adore your tight pussy, ooh-my—, you’re doing great."

You were a mess, moaning in his ear as your frail body was being supported by Chris’ strength, moving your body up and down, in motions rubbing your whole pussy inside his cock and almost splitting you in two at the intense new sensation. You loved his moans close to your ear and the notorious pumping veins of his sex throbbing inside you. Chris slowly released you from his strong grips that left marks on your skin from the pressure delivered and massaged your ass and then placed his hands on your hips, he now being the one to enjoy his private show of you bouncing on his cock. You understood his action and intention instantly, so using all your strength and common senses, you began to move on him, with frantic and imperfectly persistent movements, you slid his length into your walls leaving you sweetly sore but after a while your poor pussy adapted to perfection, hearing your skins bump as you reached deep from time to time with his latex covered glans tickling your cervix, along with awkward and tender sporadic kisses. After minutes of whimpering, you were so close to your orgasm as well as he was, whose cock had been pumped and foreplayed just enough, Chris was about to explode in his second orgasm also filling the whole damn condom, but he noticed you stopped a moment, tired, when he wouldn’t even let you recover for a second, just like last night; Chris was always going to make sure to make you cum, beg and rejoice in pleasure, of that you could be sure.

“Aw, is my pretty baby tired? Let daddy take care of you, I’ll make you cum.”

His words rocked you, he spoke to you in exactly the same tone of voice as last night, whispering to you that he still wasn’t done with you after your body was exhausted and he continued to unload his energy into you, using you for pleasure, filling you with it too in the process.

Chris braced himself, his strong right arm went back around your back and his left hand held your buttock, you stayed still, he held you still, waiting for his next move and pulling your body off a little to see his concentrated face and then he began to lift his hips, collapsing his pelvis intensely and rapidly into your skin, making the act so hectic, desperate and sonorous. Chris gasped in pleasure, filling his body with his near orgasm and your breathless whimpers each time he rammed hard and deep into your pussy leaving you shocked, his thrusts were desperate but coordinated in a pace that weakened you and left you out of breath. His big length was sliding inside you without mercy, he had an exquisite control of his body and was strong enough to hold you while he kept penetrating you, moving your insides, pushing your cervix more and more, you felt your guts being brutally moved and that made you incredibly horny somehow.

You whimpered louder as you felt yourself being brutally pounded, filling the room with a bestial and erotic scene, your weak body surrendered to him, begging for the pleasure that suddenly filled every inch, with your moans, his babbling and your skins collapsing in the background. If anyone came near Chris’ office door they could be an audible witness to the grotesque sounds of the two of you.

“Shh shh, babygirl, keep a little quiet, okay? Just today baby, remember we’re not alone” Chris mumbled panting, turning you on more at the thought of fucking him secretly.

You bit your lip hard, almost making it bleed, your face and hair were a mess as was the rest of your satisfied and aching body. Your exposed breasts rubbed against his pecs hardening your nipples as your body moved intensely. Chris licked his lips, running the tip of tongue naughtily across his upper lip savoring your sweet orgasm as he felt your walls squeeze him hard, you endured quite a few hard thrusts from Chris, sweetly destroying your pussy, you endured enough to collapse into him, hugging him tightly and clenching his torso with your bent thighs and falling into an intense climax.

Chris smiled satisfied and proud and rammed your tired body a couple more times until he made himself cum inside you, this time in the condom.

You were both shaken and tired, without the slightest hint of guilt in your system, only lust and desire for each other, sharing ragged breaths, with your exhausted body on top of him, and your face resting on his muscular shoulder.

Chris stroked your back again, moving up to caress your hair, feeling your breath on his chest.

After a few moments he dared to speak:

“I’m sorry we have to do it here, you really deserve the best, babygirl.”

His words touched your heart and you played with his slightly curly hair at the back of his neck. Just thinking about him.

[…]

The rest of your weeks were just as hot as the exasperating weather. And you both came up with a plan, where you convinced your dad to leave Chris’ house a few weeks early, with the excuse that you had been selected for a few courses before the new semester started and you had to have accessibility to your university as soon as possible, to which your dad and Dahlia agreed to leave instantly without hesitation, arguing that your education was of the utmost importance, plus the only reason they were there was because you were having fun with Liv, once you left, Liv would soon ask her mother to leave too, since it would be pointless to stay there without you, besides Minho, but it was going to look too obvious that she wanted to stay. Then Minho would leave without a problem. You guys leaving would left Chris and Ruby alone, in an environment where Chris could finally break up with her.

And so they did, it was a very big break up for Ruby, but you didn’t want to know the details so you didn’t comment on it, let alone didn’t want to hear it from Chris, yet you heard it in the foreground from Liv, texting you and saying a bit apologetically: I really feel bad for her, she looked a bit delusional. Ruby was devastated, wondering if she had done something wrong or if suddenly inviting her family had been too soon and if it secretly irritated him, she really didn’t want to leave Chris, but she had noticed him distant at his house for a while now and always brought up as an excuse that he didn’t feel private enough to fuck her when previously he could do it with her so rashly wherever, they used to be so hot and close and a few days into spending the summer at his house everything about him suddenly changed.

You felt bad but you forgot about it once your dad bought the story of going back to college and, while they thought you were studying those weeks before your real semester started, you spent all your time with Chris going on all kinds of dates and exploring each other’s bodies, discovering more and more new and exciting positions and emotions you never thought you’d be able to experience this soon.

Things were going pretty well, he treated you like a princess, he showered you with gifts and each time he took you to different places to end the day in a fiery and exquisite sex, to start it the same way when you went to stay at his apartment, where it was your new meeting place as you felt that his summer home after all was… even though it was alone, you felt that there were ghosts, some better than others, of you and Chris having fun around his house sneaking around every corner you saw alone, but that there was also present a painful breakup along with the broken heart of a woman who should not have ended up like this. There were nights when, after culminating in an intense orgasm, you tried to recover in Chris’ arms, with your face on his chest feeling his heavy breathing and you could only think and think… that maybe the one who should be there was not you, but if you were not with Chris what sense would your life have, since he gave it a new meaning.

But it all got a little complicated when you were quietly shopping with Chris as he swore he was going to cook for you something delicious. You never thought he was that much of a homely guy, but he was, he was sweeter and softer than you thought and he had a soft spot for you, everything you said he would deliver, so you wanted to stop going to restaurants for a moment and enjoy his company in a sweet and silly moment together cooking. Plus you had gone back to college and the first week of classes was already getting on your nerves, but your very kind man who knows exactly what to do with you was going to take that weight and stress off your shoulders by having a nice time and then letting the situation take care of itself.

Grocery shopping was not much in fitting with Chris' image, however he, sweetly leaned over to put his chin on your shoulder, watching you debate over which can to take, to which he pointed to the one you were holding in your left hand, causing you so much tenderness at his closeness and smell, however you were heavily interrupted as you heard such a familiar voice that he instantly recognized.

“Chris?” she spoke.

He cursed internally and had no choice but to face her, turning around and finding his ex-girlfriend. Ruby took a confused look at your silhouette with your back turned, you looked so familiar to her but she wasn’t thinking straight as she realized Chris was already with someone else.

“Hey, Ruby. What are you doing here?” he greeted, falsely happy with a smile, more uncomfortable about the situation.

You were curious as soon as his name was called, but you remembered something else from shopping that you stood there, returning the can you held in your right hand and putting the other one in the shopping cart. But hearing Chris say her name you almost broke out in a cold sweat… you guessed the moment would come but you didn't imagine it would be so fast, you sighed thinking about how you had to face it and the world would move on just the same after your meeting and she finds out you're with Chris, move on so unimportantly it would just be an awkward afternoon and you'll still be with Chris afterwards.

“I like coming here since you recommended it to me. I see you're already in company” she said again, in a fake animated tone.

Ruby noticed him nervous, not knowing how to evade the situation, feeling bad that maybe he didn't even want to see her. But it was true, it was Chris' favorite place to buy his groceries and he had shown it to his ex-girlfriend too because it was so commonplace to him. Big mistake for her, although deep down she hoped that one day she could meet Chris alone and from there keep talking, but in her imagination there was a scenario where he was by himself.

Ruby was dying of curiosity to know who the girl was that Chris was so smitten with with his body attached to hers from behind. It all happened in quick seconds even though it seemed like tormenting hours of suspense. She never thought he would break up with her because there was someone else, it had barely been weeks and he seemed to be over her already.

“Yeah, well…” commented Chris.

You acted fast, turning around with grace that even made you look attractive and revealing your face, she got the immense and indescribable surprise that it was you. Her blood pressure dropped from her body, of all people she never expected to see you.

“Ah, hi Ruby, I ran into Chris too” you said trying to sound so natural, sketching a smile.

Ruby's world stopped for a second and you didn't have to be stupid enough to believe the obvious lie, you were together, there was no doubt about it. She had just watched as Chris positioned himself behind your body confidently, his hand gently on your waist and hunching down to let his chin rest on your shoulder.

She blinked in puzzlement, formulating all sorts of thoughts and ideas in seconds that made her uneasy, how was it that something suddenly came up between you, if you met when she introduced you, or so she wanted to believe, she thought about the possibility that you had met before, and the possibility of infidelity, but Ruby wanted to believe you, thinking that maybe you started right after their separation, it still seemed foolishly ridiculous and so soon.

“Why would you come here? The university is all the way across the city and you don't live nearby” was all she could say.

She read both of your expressions, tense and not knowing what to do.

“It's a trendy place…” you replied, to which Chris sighed.

“Are you two together? Since when?” she spoke a little beaten, anger filling her body.

Now she was judging you with her eyes, she was no longer a sad, blank stare, she wanted to kill you both.

“It was after we broke up” Chris answered him.

Your heart stopped for a moment as you finally heard his confession. You weren't exactly together, but you were exclusive to each other and did all sorts of activities.

Ruby smiled incredulously and unwilling to listen, she said:

“Sure, the thirty-something guy changes the woman close to his age for someone younger. Good luck with that.”

She walked away, glaring at you, she was unwilling to hear more about an affair with a college girl that seemed ridiculous to her, she thought you wouldn't last and that Chris was just using you to satisfy himself sexually and rejoice in your youth and slight innocence. She even felt bad for you, she was still devastated.

At first it was that for Chris but he was genuinely interested in you, putting aside everything that was once he established for himself: do not date young women because they were still immature and naive, including some who still relied heavily on their parents, which he was fine with, but moderately so.

You felt bad and judged, it was obvious that Chris was older and more mature than you, but he understood you so well, he treated you and made you feel good, besides people after thirty were not an retired old man, why judge you that way.

Chris didn't mind Ruby at all and turned to see you, noticing your crestfallen expression, he knew that by publicly walking around together at some point in your lives someone was going to notice.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” he whispered to you.

To which you nodded and evaded him by excusing yourself with finishing grocery shopping. On the way there he saw you just as pensive; Chris decided to talk gently to you, but he didn't know what your reaction would be so he didn't want to do it in the car in case the conversation escalated and could turn into your first argument. He wanted his attention completely on you and driving would affect that.

You helped him bring down the groceries once you got to his apartment and on the way in the elevator you sighed. You never cared what others might say but today in particular it affected you a little, enough that you didn't speak to Chris the whole time.

You left the groceries on the marble countertop and picked up your cell phone wanting to distract yourself a little. Chris sighed, walked over to you putting his hands on your waist and made you look at him with a:

“Hey, look at me” your eyes met his, everything about him was your weakness, suddenly you were shaking, “We both knew this was going to happen, we just didn't know when and it was going to be unexpected. Don't care what people think, I'm here with you… do you want to stay here with me?”

You looked him in the eye the whole time. You literally didn't care the first time you had sex with him, you were a virgin and he had a girlfriend… you didn't know why hardly the guilt was falling on you as he was finally single and only for you. It all made sense when you felt him close to you.

“Yes, I'm with you” you replied, “I'm sorry.”

Chris smiled sideways, “You don't have to apologize.”

You were slightly overwhelmed between the fact that someone like Chris was taking you seriously, you really thought at first that with him it would be purely sexual, but he knew how to balance it so well, he would say the right words to you and then make you feel so fucking good, always in command of the situation.

You noticed him getting close to your face and received his kiss, just when you needed it so badly to be able to calm down a little, you really went back to your state of mind where you didn't care what they said, he was for you and you wanted him and he made you feel like it was reciprocated. He was the best. You left your cell phone on the counter and kept kissing him.

You thought for short seconds that it was going to be a fleeting kiss but he intensified it, bringing his body more closely to yours and kissing you more carefully and passionately. As he slowly pulled away from you, he licked his lips, he watched you with desire and bright eyes appreciating every part of your face now more animated and enlightened, compared to a few moments when you were slightly sad. He was more than happy to make you feel good and that you were still the same sweet woman that caught his attention a few weeks ago at his summer house, so willing to him and with clear thoughts of being able to have him.

“They don't know how fucking good you make me feel” he blurted out suddenly in a tone you know so well.

Chris was excited, thinking he would remove every negative feeling from your adoring body with his discharge of sexual energy he had for you. And he knew you were going to love every part of the process as you always end up doing, so he was quick to slide his hands under your blouse and kiss your neck, you wanted to tell him so many things, you wanted to whisper to him how much you liked what he was doing but you were engrossed in the new sensations.

Your heart pounded, you saw his slightly mischievous smile before his kisses traveled down your neck, warming your body and driving you crazy at the feel of his lips and nose on your skin, any slightest thing from Chris turned you on in seconds it was breathtaking. You closed your eyes enjoying yourself as his hands squeezed your body, thinking he was starting something you both know very well and you were excited to find out what Chris' next command to you would be. However, just as your docile bodies warmed up, a call to you distracted you, your cell phone was ringing and ringing at the kitchen island, you whispered to Chris to ignore it and continue with his lips on you but the call didn't seem to go away and was persistent, so Chris somewhat annoyed and disappointed persuaded you to pick up, followed by a sigh and removing his hands from your skin. You also sighed in annoyance and tried to sound calm when you were in an incredibly horny mood.

Chris rested his hand on the edge of the counter, waiting for you to finish your call but your expression upset him a little; it was your mother who was asking you where you were and that she didn't understand why your father was hysterical, mentioning a man named Chris, you rolled your eyes, the last thing you wanted was for a scene to form, but it was inevitable. After the call with your mother, you received countless messages from Liv that you were afraid to even look at, messages from your father prohibiting you from seeing Chris, it was a lot to process, so he let out a soft, concerned:

“Is everything okay? Is something wrong?”

You had fallen silent, staring raptly at your cell phone. You sighed as you listened to Chris and put your cell phone on silent mode, completely ignoring the big problem that was forming and that you believed with your being that they would soon get over it, since there was nothing wrong, you saw nothing wrong, you loved him and he loved you and you planned to stay like that for a while, enjoying and learning every single thing with him.

You shook your head, smiling and taking a few steps so you could hug him and wrap your arms around his neck. Chris could sense something was wrong but feeling your closeness instantly calmed him down, just as he had that effect on you and was the reason you sought to hug him.

“Everything is fine” you replied calmly, your body close to his.

“I think I can already figure out what kind of call it was…”

You laughed softly not wanting Chris to feel guilty; you both knew that at some point this day would come as your encounters progressed and you found yourselves fascinated by each other, you really didn't expect your close people to accept overnight so simply some sort of relationship with an older man you met being someone else's partner, but… it happened.

“It's okay, and here with you” you repeated to him what he had told you a few moments ago, making him smile.

----------------------------

𐙚TAGLIST: @rylea08 @hann1bee @iovecb97 @armystay89 @bubblebisk @lolareadsimagines @jisunglyricist

[nightghoul381]

Ellis Twilight ~ Main Route Chapter 20

Disclaimer for route warnings | Masterlist

Additional Content Warnings: None

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

Part 1

Jude and Ellis were called by William that night.

William: “Sorry for calling you out of the blue.”

Ellis: “No—”

Jude, who hadn’t seen him in days, glared at Ellis.

Jude: “Hey. Ellis’ got somethin’ to tell me first.”

Jude: “Where were ya? Ya didn’t even hand over yer work.”

Ellis: “…At Victor’s place.”

Ellis: “I was asking to be removed from being one of Kate’s bodyguards.”

Jude: “Hah?”

Jude’s voice became even colder.

Jude: “I told ya you were responsible for watchin’ her ass.”

Jude: “If yer gonna just throw it away ‘cause it’s too much trouble, don’t get me involved in the first place.”

Ellis: “It’s not because it was too much trouble. It’s just—”

Ellis: “Kate doesn’t need someone who makes her unhappy watching over her.”

Ellis calmly explained that he was the source of Kate’s misfortune.

Jude: “…Where’s she at now?”

Ellis: “…? She, as in Kate?”

Jude: “No one’s seen ‘er since she left yer room.”

Ellis: “What……?”

William’s voice broke into the brief silence.

William: “Sorry for interrupting such an important topic.”

William: “Bad news about Miss Kate.”

Ellis: “…Bad news?”

Jude: “Tch… What is it?”

William: “We don’t know where Kate is.”

Jude: “…Hah?”

Ellis: “--!?”

William: “Based on reports of sightings in London, the perpetrators are believed to be remnants of the gang you two had previously captured.”

William: “’Her Majesty’s Honorable Privy Council’ released them on bail in secret.”

Ellis: “Why…”

William: “To them, we, Crown, are a stain on England and must be erased immediately.”

William: “But to speak out against an organization directly under Her Majesty the Queen, you need to find some kind of weakness.”

William: “It appears that they were intending to use the gang members to their advantage.”

William: “They would have known that Crown was involved in solving the kidnapping case that was perpetrated by the gang.”

William: “If they incite revenge against the people who arrested them, it would be easy enough to get them to attack us.”

William: “I don’t know if the Privy Council was aware of Kate’s existence.”

William: “If they could make the case that Crown’s involvement caused civilian casualties.”

William: “Then it would be enough to suggest to Her Majesty that Crown be dismantled.”

Jude: “…When was she kidnapped?”

William: “Apparently this evening.”

William: “The clever robin didn’t keep her promise of not leaving the cage without her two guards.”

William: “Did something happen?”

Ellis: “…”

Ellis leapt out of the grand hall as if he’d been pushed.

Jude didn’t follow him, instead confronting William.

Jude: “That’s too much information for ya to know considerin’ she was kidnapped just a few hours ago.”

Jude: “—Ya probably knew what was goin’ on ‘n just let it go.”

William: “…Not at all.”

William smiled generously and Jude grabbed him by the collar.

Jude: “D’ya know what yer dragging this damn average person into?”

William: “Oh, of course.”

William: “—I knew how angry you would be about that.”

Jude: “…Fuck.”

William: “……”

Part 2

(Wh…where am I?)

I woke up in complete darkness.

It was so dark that I couldn’t tell if my eyes were open or closed, so I strained my eyes desperately.

I tried to get up but my arms were held tightly in place and I couldn’t move.

Kate: “—”

(My body is tied up with rope…)

As soon as I raised my head, I bumped into something and realized I had been stuffed into a small coffin.

I tried to push the lid up with my forehead but it wouldn’t budge.

(I can’t get out…)

--A voice could be heard from outside, as if someone had noticed the noise.

Man’s voice: “Oh… are you awake now?”

Kate: “…”

I gasped as I heard footsteps on the floor nearby.

Man’s voice: “If you try to leave, you’re going to die.”

Man’s voice: “’Keep her alive for a few days as bait, and if no prey bites, kill her gruesomely and hang her body on London Bridge.’”

Man’s voice: “Sorry, but that’s the story.”

I was so scared that all the blood drained from my body.

But even if I were to panic now, I couldn’t escape from the coffin.

(At least now I know I won’t be killed for a few days, so I need to calm down…)

I took a deep breath and searched my memory for clues.

(More than anything, it seems this person is acting on someone’s orders…)

(The ‘prey’ part means they’re using me to lure someone to come help me.)

(The enemy is targeting…Jude and Ellis…?)

The two members of Crown had been acting as my bodyguards.

If they notice I’m gone, they’ll have to act to prevent confidential information form leaking.

(--Putting the two of them…the whole of Crown in danger, I’m a failure as fairy tale keeper.)

I shouldn’t have been so careless as to leave the castle on my own.

It was too late to blame myself for acting so irrationally when the blood was rushing to my head.

(At the time, it felt like if I hadn’t chased after him, I would never see Ellis again.)

(But…what if Ellis ends up in danger--)

I’d regret that more than never seeing him again.

(I’ll try to get out somehow…)

(Make a deal, do whatever.)

Kate: “…Why would you do something like this?”

Man’s voice: “This is my revenge on you and your friends for putting us in prison.”

The man outside answered easily, as if he were thinking that I was going to be killed anyway.

(In prison…?)

Kate: “No way, you’re part of the gang responsible for the kidnapping…?”

Man’s voice: “Someone let us out of prison on the condition that we get revenge on you.”

Man’s voice: “I don’t know what kind of grudge such a nobleman has against a mere trader and his guard.”

Man’s voice: “But we don’t care about that.”

(…that means.)

They either don’t know about “Crown” or haven’t been informed about it.

(These people are also being used…?)

Man’s voice: “But it’d be a waste to kill you. I could help you out, secretly?”

(Huh?)

(…Even if I think about it calmly, I know I can’t get out of here on my own.)

The coffin that held me was sturdy, and the top seemed to be securely locked, so it wouldn’t budge.

Even after groping around, there were no cracks or gaps.

(If that’s the case, then I’ll have to beg for my life, and when I get out of the coffin, I’ll have to take advantage of the opportunity and escape…)

(--The probability of success is low, but I have no choice but to try.)

Kate: “… Please help me—”

Man’s voice: “What? No way!”

(Hmm…)

Man’s voice: “If we don’t kill you, we’ll go back to prison. So, at best, despair until you die.”

Man’s voice: “If you insist, I’ll be nice to you when the time comes to kill you.”

The man’s loud laughter and the sound of footsteps faded away.

A heavy clanging sound was heard as a door that seemed to be made of iron was closed.

(There was no room for negotiation…)

“At best, despair until you die”—I remembered the man’s voice as he left.

(Don’t give up. Just wait for your chance.)

Part 3

(--How much time has passed since then…?)

The view was still dark, and with no light shining through, I lost all sense of time.

I was hungry, thirsty, and was aching from being unable to move.

(Has it been hours? Or just a few minutes?)

They said they would keep me alive for a few days, but I have no idea how long I’ll be like this.

(Will there be any chance to escape?)

(Maybe not until they come to kill me.)

(Forever, just like this--)

Such thoughts kept crossing my mind, and I tried desperately to shake them off.

It was as if the darkness had opened its mouth and swallowed me whole without any resistance.

(No, no, no! I need to think of something fun. Umm…)

The flower fields at dusk that I spent with Ellis suddenly came to my mind.

(Ah…)

The happy memories of those times came back to me vividly, and the next moment, those memories became a painful stab in my chest.

(Happiness changes color quickly, like the twilight sky.)

The throbbing in my chest reminded me of what Ellis had said.

Happy times pass in an instant.

That moment, that dazzle, is burned into my memory.

It highlights the coldness, the darkness, and the bitterness of the reality before us.

(It was two years after Ellis’ brother had his accident.)

(He must have slowly eroded away into this darkness.)

Right in front of Ellis.

The weight and sincerity of Ellis’ words, “I want your happiness to last forever.”

Even though I’ll never fully understand it,

(I finally feel like I do understand it, if only a little.)

Just as the darkness and fear were about to engulf my heart, I heard a loud noise in the distance.

Kate: “…!”

A scream, like a howl.

The sound of something breaking and shattering, the sounds of something heavy falling, followed by--silence.

And then, a single pair of footsteps approaching quickly.

Ellis: “Kate…”

(That voice…)

Kate: “Ellis…!”

I felt a burst of joy.

But the next moment, a much bigger feeling of fear struck.

(This isn’t good… If he’s here, he’ll be playing right into the enemy’s hands.)

Kate: “Run!”

Ellis: “…!”

Footsteps approached, and the sound of a heavy iron door opening rang out.

(Is Ellis trapped as well?)

Part 4

(Is Ellis trapped as well?)

(But, if it’s just Ellis…)

Kate: “Ellis, listen to me!”

Kate: “The men who kidnapped me are trying to use me as bait to lure out you and the others…”

Kate: “So, if you don’t get out before they find you, you’ll be in danger—”

Ellis: “…It’s okay.”

Ellis: “It’s okay, Kate.”

(Huh…)

There was a loud ‘crack’ as something broke.

Then there was the sound of jingling chain falling to the floor.

The coffin that had imprisoned me slowly opened—

The outline of Ellis gradually appeared in the dazzling whiteness flooding my vision.

Ellis: “…It’s not going how you’re worried it will, so it’s okay.”

(Ellis…)

Ellis–his hands and face were covered in blood.

Kate: “…”

Ellis: “…Hey.”

I almost cried when I understood what he meant when he said ‘it’s okay’.

He didn’t say ‘because I’ve killed everyone’ to protect my heart.

He’s a person who cares about the happiness of others no matter how dirty or damaged he is.

That’s why I fell in love with Ellis.

Kate: “……I’m sorry.”

Ellis: “Why are you apologizing…?”

***CHOICES***

***Because you came to help me +4 +4 ***

2. Because I couldn't do anything +2 +4

3. Because I love you +4 +2 (I thought I had screenshots for the correct answer but apparently I don’t, so here’s my first time through selection…)

*****

Kate: “I love you… I didn’t want the man I love to have to do something like this…”

Ellis: “Don’t worry about it. That’s not more important than helping you, Kate.”

Kate: “I was selfish, and I did terrible things to you, Ellis…”

Ellis: “Terrible things…?”

Ellis blinked as if he had no recollection of that.

Kate: “Ellis, I didn’t take your feelings into consideration, and I was so mean… I’m sorry.”

Ellis: “My feelings…?”

Kate: “After listening to your story…”

Kate: “My head was filled with thoughts of ‘I might be killed.’.”

Ellis: “ …That’s—”

Kate: “But Ellis, you don’t ‘want to kill me’, though.”

Ellis: “…?”

His eyes were flickering back and forth.

Ellis’ feelings were surely still left behind on that twilight hill.

Part 5

Ellis’ feelings were surely still left behind on that twilight hill.

I placed my hands over his bloody ones.

Ellis: “No… I killed my brother because I wanted to.”

Ellis: “I’ll probably want to kill you too.”

Kate: “That my be true, but… How do I put it?”

Kate: “Ellis… I was so scared when I thought I was about to die.”

Kate: “But you always looked so happy when we made a promise for tomorrow.”

Kate: “So you ‘wanting to kill me’ just to prevent me from going anywhere… it won’t work like that.”

Kate: “If you were to kill me, Ellis… it would be because you truly love me.”

Kate: “I think that’s when you’re filled with the desire to not make me unhappy, Ellis.”

There’s no point in imagining what might happen.

But I can’t help but think about it—what if his brother wanted to continue on the hill at dusk?

(If they think they might be happier tomorrow.)

(Ellis probably wouldn’t kill anyone.)

Kate: “Happiness can fade in an instant, and happy memories can ruin your life.”

Kate: “I feel like I’ve come to understand a little bit more during the time I’ve spent with you, Ellis.”

Kate: “But still… Even if I knew that tomorrow I would despair.”

Kate: “I want to live with you Ellis, thinking that tomorrow might be happier than today.”

The copious blood splashed on his hands stain my hands the same color.

(My hands are the same color as Ellis’…)

I was smiling as I thought about this absentmindedly.

Kate: “Ellis, I don’t want you to worry that I’ll be unhappy tomorrow.”

Kate: “I think I can be happy every day. If I ‘m with you, Ellis.”

Kate: “Nevertheless…”

Kate: “…If one day you do feel like you want to kill me, Ellis, then that’s fine.”

Ellis: “…?”

Ellis’ eyes widened in shock.

Kate: “That means you love me that much and wish for my happiness, right?”

Ellis’ desire—

Perhaps it will entangle me, drag me in and bind me as the curse desires.

But the only that would bind me is happiness, full of Ellis’ love.

Kate: “It’s not about ‘wanting to kill the person I love’”

Kate: “It’s more like ‘I want to keep my loved ones in happiness with my own hands.’”

Kate: “That must be… your true wish, Ellis. I felt that way when I saw you.”

Whether by spending a day peacefully or taking an exciting vacation,

--Even bringing about eternal death can be a way to make that happen.

That may indeed be a sinful thing to do.

Kate: “If you’re that ‘selfish’… I’m not afraid to end up being killed.”

Kate: “Ellis, I want you to love me selfishly.”

Ellis: “…Kate.”

Ellis’ face was twisted.

It looked as if he was about to cry, and I wanted to touch his his cheeks, but I wanted Ellis to reach out to me, so I stared into his eyes.

Ellis: “…Someday.”

Ellis: “When we find the happiest moment ever for you.”

Ellis: “When you think there could be no happier day in your life than right then, I will kill you…”

Ellis: “…I’m sure I’ll laugh then.”

Ellis: “I’ll be really, truly happy.”

Ellis: “Still, aren’t you scared…?”

Kate: “…Yeah.”

Kate: ‘It’s true, you’re happy to kill someone you love… it’s a little strange to hear.”

Kate: “But, it’s okay.”

Kate: “I thought you were a troublesome person from the beginning, Ellis.”

Ellis: “…”

My vision went dark and I realized I was being hugged tightly.

Ellis: “I’m troublesome… Since when…?”

Kate: “Hmm…Well, from the beginning.”

Kate: “But, still… I fell in love with you.”

The smell of the air as I inhaled was more than just the smell of blood,

The gentle scent of freshly washed laundry wafting from Ellis’ shirt filled me…

I was so happy that I almost cried.

Ellis: “Kate.”

Kate: “…What?”

Ellis: “I really like you.”

Ellis: “I love you.”

Ellis: “I love you so much that I want to make you happy.”

Kate: “…Yeah.”

Ellis: “I love you so much that I want you to be unable to live without me.”

Kate: “Yes.”

Ellis: “I love you so much that, when you’re the very happiest… I want to kill you.”

Kate: “……Yeah.”

The arms wrapped around my body sweetly squeezed my chest.

I felt like, this was the happiest moment of my life.

But—I had a strong feeling that even more wonderful happiness awaited me.

Ellis: “Stay with me forever.”

Ellis: “…I won’t let you go again.”

Blind Love Chapter 21 | Mad Love Chapter 21

[gghostwriter]

Pau’s Library

I’ve always liked to talk about books so I might as well keep an open logbook here. The list is a mixture of rereads, top favorites, and books read this 2025.

I won’t give a definite rating as it’s not conducive to getting anyone to read any of these. Instead I’ll be leaving a favorite quote of mine from the book, one that I wrote thoughts about in my reading journal and hope that entices you to check it out. Personal favorites will have 🌸 as its mark.

My ask box is open to any recommendations or any conversations about my list and your list too!

Yearly Re-reads

East of Eden by John Steinbeck 🌸 ↳ “It would be absurd if we did not understand both angels and devils, since we invented them.” Breast & Eggs by Mieko Kawakami 🌸 ↳ “My monolithic expectation of what a woman’s body was supposed to look like had no bearing on what actually happened to my body. The two things were wholly unrelated. I never became the woman I imagined. And what was I expecting?” Chess Story by Stefan Zweig 🌸 ↳ “People and events don't disappoint us, our models of reality do. It is my model of reality that determines my happiness or disappointments.”

2025 in books

So Late in the Day by Claire Keegan ↳ “You know what is at the heart of misogyny? When it comes down to it?’ ‘So I’m a misogynist now?’ ‘It’s simply about not giving.” Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan ↳ “What would life be like, he wondered, if they were given time to think and reflect over things.” The Hour of the Star by Clarice Lispector ↳ “She had no idea how to cope with life and she was only vaguely aware of her own inner emptiness.” The Lottery & Other Stories by Shirley Jackson ↳ “No one even noticed me, she thought with reassurance, everyone who saw me has gone by long ago.” [Pillar of Salt] Flush by Virginia Woolf 🌸 ↳ “She was too just not to realise that it was for her that he had sacrificed his courage, as it was for her that he had sacrificed the sun and the air.” Beware of Pity by Stefan Zweig ↳paused Lost Cat by Mary Gaitskill ↳ paused The Eye by Vladimir Nabokov [tw: su*cid*] ↳ “After all, in order to live happily, a man must know now and then a few moments of blankness. Yet I was always exposed, always wide-eyed; even in sleep I did not cease to watch over myself, understanding nothing of my existence, growing crazy at the thought of of not being able to stop being aware of myself.” The Six Death of the Saint by Alix E Harrow 🌸 ↳ “But in the end, there was no saint, just a lonely girl telling secrets to herself in a dark mirror.” Journey Into The Past by Stefan Zweig 🌸🌸 ↳ “Madness,” he exclaimed to himself, in astonishment, faltering. “Madness! What do they want? Once again, once again!” War once again, war that had so recently shattered his whole life?” Notes from Underground and The Double by Fyodor Dostoevsky ↳ current read

2025 in essays

Verdigris: The Color of Oxidation, Statues, and Impermanence by Katy Kelleher Notes on “Taste” by Brie Wolfson Why Are We Tormented by the Future? By Joshua Rothman Writing As Transformation by Louise Gluck What Do We Do with the Art of Monstrous Men? By Claire Dederer 🌸 What’s A Fact, Anyway? By Fergus McIntosh The Disappearance of Literary Men Should Worry Everyone by David J Morris Womanhood is the Process of Understanding Your Mother by Caitlyn 🌸 In Defense of Pretension by Ayan Artan 🌸 I Want to Look Like I’ve Lived by Amelia 🌸 The End of Our Extremely Online Era by Tommy Dixon oh so you’re a thought daughter now? Should I call Joan Didion? by Sarah Cucchiara Stop trying to make Melania happen by Sarah Cucchiara Facing My Own Mediocrity by Brock Covington Women hate women who go for what they want by Ali Kriegsman

[gayhorrorsans]

THIS WAS MADE ABOUT 5 MONTHS AGO, MY WRITNG IS BETTER NOW. I HAVE NOT PROOF-READ OR EDITED THIS. IT WILL BE CRINGEY. SORRY

Initially requested by @dustcrumbs

tw for implied suicide, injury, unrequited love, homophobia and potentially more. Reader discretion is advised

---------------

Love would never work. That's what Phantom Papyrus always told Dust. 'What's the point in trying when no one will love you.' At first it was whatever, Dust coped fine. However the relentless bashing, the constant mentioning that you weren't even worthy of as much as 'Hello' or 'How are you?' hurt. Like being beat across the head with a baseball bat. And this didn't stop, it never did. Even after Dust met Nightmare. It got worse. Any positive emotion Dust felt to anyone, something as little as respect, his brother would berate him for. That's why Dust never talked. He was always having someone in his ear constantly. Calling him every profanity under the sun. Nothing could help. No medication in the world would keep him productive whilst eliminating his brother. He refused to get rid of the scarf, as much as it hurt him it was the only thing that helped him hang on. 

With the addition of Killer the group felt more like a group instead of just a sort of hitman for hire. He, Killer and Nightmare. Killer was the opposite of Dust in some ways. He was talkative, sometimes too talkative. Dust never cared, he'd just let Killer go on. Sometimes he would flirt for the sake of it. An emotionless being had no clue how much his words would impact someone like Dust. From this point Papyrus had only been calling him mean names, and making fun of him, lecturing him as to how no one to ever exist would ever love him. Dust hadn't said a word to Papyrus since a year after the human stopped RESETing. After Dust read upon schizophrenia during his endless time alone he learnt not to antagonize the hallucinations. Whatever, Dust dealt with it in any way possible. If listening to Killer babble on about whatever made him happy he'd do it. It gave him something to focus on besides the red scarf screaming the same things at him. 

With Nightmare and Killer it never really mattered, he had no attraction to them. After Cross joined, Dust had a lot more of Papyrus screaming at him. Nearly 24 hours a day he was moments from tears. Not because the insults upset him. Not because the fact it was Papyrus. But because it was annoying. Imagine trying to sleep, not being able to because all you hear is constant speaking, screaming in your ear all the time. It would never stop. Twenty-Four hours a day. Seven days a week. It got no better when Error became a sort-of member. Papyrus only got worse. The more time he spent around men, the more Papyrus acted up. Whenever he went out alone, or was around some kind of genderbent AU, Papyrus never spoke. It annoyed Dust, what was so different about them? He had a suspicion Papyrus didn't like homosexuality in any way for a while, but had no explicit proof, nor did he have any proof at all still. He had no evidence to back it up. Plus, he still refused to burn the scarf.

The final member joined. Horror. Dust wasn't there when Horror entered for the first time. Nor was he there the day after. But the third day in he was eating breakfast. Papyrus was being quiet. His soul was calm. It was very early after all, before Nightmare would even leave his room. Then he looked up, seeing a larger skeleton, at least a foot taller than him, maybe two, who easily weighed 5 times Dust's size, was making a coffee. His back turned to Dust. Dust's soul skipped a beat. He was enamoured, no, he was. He was. In love. Horror was, physically sculpted. Strong, built, and looked like he could knock Dust out in a second. With every strength comes a weakness of course, Dust was aware that Horror had quite weak magic, barely being able to use bone attacks, with most of his magic going to teleportation and keeping his body alive.

Horror hadn't noticed Dust's stare. He was still waiting for the kettle to boil. Dust immediately pulled the tassels of his hoodie, hiding his face from Horror and anyone who may walk in. He was, silently hyperventilating. His face bright with purple, a deep mauve. Speckled with little bits of dark purple glitter. Like freckles. Each monsters pattern was unique, Dust's wasn't anything special, but still pretty. As he tried to manage the speed of his soul, Papyrus caught on to what was happening. Safe to say he wasn't pleased. But Dust managed to zone him out as Horror turned around with his coffee and sat down. Dust managed to calm down enough to where the purple had faded to a very light dusting, it could be tossed up to him being embarrassed about meeting someone new.

Horror spoke first, stirring his coffee before leaning back and placing the stirrer back on the coffee set. "So, Dust? Murder?... given couple names... f'er you." He spoke slowly and in small bits, easier to process. Dust didn't ask why, nor bothered thinking about it much. He just loved the way that Horror spoke, mesmerising. Everything from his accent, a deep rustic sounding. Not like Dust used to sound. The two clearly had different surroundings after their timeline. He spoke far deeper than Dust, and Dust had a deep voice. Horror was similar to Nightmare in how he spoke, without the distortion of Nightmares voice. Horror was far less formal, colloquialised terms or contractions were stuff that he seemed to used often. "Either. M-mostly address myself as Dust. Murder's more a... formal name." Dust stuttered, he silently cursed himself. How could he just embarrass himself in front of the hottest hunk he has ever met. He hoped the other wouldn't notice. Horror was just staring at his coffee before Dust spoke, but stared at his eyes, morning eyes. Horror had just woken up not too long ago. He was still tired, but the look he gave Dust made him almost squeal like he fanboying over this man. He controlled himself just barely, pressing his legs together to try use some of his energy without Horror seeing.  "Mm. Murder... Nice ring to it." He smiled, taking a small sip of his drink again, looking back at Dust. "Dust... use that then.... f'er now." He chuckled a bit, causing Dust to have to press his fists together under the table, desperately trying to distract himself and not make some embarrassing sound or giggle that would make him sound creepy. Oh God, what if Horror thought he was creepy? Or weird? What would he do? He tried to not focus on that, instead attempting to smile at Horror, failing miserably, his face was still covered in that shadow. "Mm? Early... you go bed?" Horror gave him a reason to excuse himself, Dust nodded, apologising and walked to his room, running when he was out of earshot of the kitchen. He sat down in his room, locking the door and panting as he sat down on his bed. "Pathetic. You've fallen for someone that easily." His brother started to speak. Papyrus clearly didn't approve of the idea. "It's... he's different. Just stay out of it." Dust actually replied to his Papyrus, for the first time in years. He shouldn't have really. That let Papyrus know that this got to Dust. "A fucking man no less. You know you're a man too? Or did you forget that too." Papyrus laughed at himself, Dust didn't entertain it. "I like him. Shut your fat fucking mouth and stay out of it." Even 2 weeks ago Dust would have never dreamed of insulting any, never mind his own, Papyrus.

"Oh I see how it is. You prefer him over me? Let me guess you won't kill him will you. Well remember why you joined here. To get EXP." "No. That's not why I joined." Dust held his head, his breathing getting faster, he was wishing he never responded to Papyrus. He grabbed the scarf and threw it on the floor, rubbing it into the ground under his shoe.

"I try to help you and you ignore me. They will betray you Sans. You're just some low level, nothing faggot." Dust froze. "What." Phantom repeated himself. "I said. I try to help you and you ignore me. They will betray you Sans. You're just some low level, nothing faggot."

Dust stood up and grabbed the scarf. He marched out, unlocking the door and leaving the castle. He walked past Horror who was still drinking his coffee and outside where the group gathered for a fire every now and again. He poured some gasoline onto the scarf, and lit a piece of string which led to it. In a few seconds. The scarf went bursting up in flames. Causing Dust to squint slightly. He walked back a bit as he heard Papyrus scream, slowly. Very slowly, the screams faded. Then silence. He turned around and nearly fell backwards. Stepping back as he had just walked into Horror. How the fuck did he get there without Dust realising? "O-oh- s-sorry!" He apologised. Horror shook his head and held out a single buttercup to Dust. It was tiny in the giants hand. Dust took a moment to understand what was going on, the world began to shake as he heard a laugh. 

"You really thought you could get rid of me that easily? Your own brother Sans." Phantom floated behind Horror, the giant not knowing because it was a hallucination.  Dust immediately bolted past Horror, running away. Horror looked back to see him gone. The brute frowned. His first attempt at showing affection ruined in a mere instant. He teleported back to his own room and gently placed the buttercup in some powder, then some water to grow some roots. At least the plant could live on.

Dust immediately went back to his room. "Why. Won't you. Leave me. Alone." Phantom laughed at that. "I won't let my brother die due to his own poor choices."

Dust tossed a knife in the direction of Papyrus, the knife sticking itself in the wall. He ignored him. Tried to ignore him. He napped, something he rarely did these days. Papyrus screaming at him to stop being lazy and go get EXP. Dust managed to zone it out. Until he couldn't. Nightmare told Horror to go get Dust for dinner, and Horror turned up outside his door. Knocking.

Knocking.

A set of knocks later Horror groaned, he wasn't so gentle this time, practically punching the door, sending a vibration all through Dust's room (and a very loud noise too). That woke Dust up. Just as Dust was about to complain he realised who it was. He got up and exited the room. "Sorry... was asleep." Horror nodded, letting Dust walk in front of him. It was a long walk from where Dust was to the kitchen. Horror paused Dust, holding his jacket with a finger. He could tell Dust was on edge. He crouched down slightly and held his arms out to him. Just a hug, nothing more.

Dust didn't respond nicely. Papyrus' words from earlier really got to him. He, although very pathetically, pushed Horror. Horror didn't move an inch, but Dust ran after he pushed Horror, teleporting to the kitchen as soon as he could. Horror shrugged, walking to the kitchen at his own pace. He did question why though. Why was Dust acting like that? He seemed nice this morning, why was he all angry and moody. Had he done something? Maybe it was the buttercup he had given him. Had it offended him? He wanted to apologise, not over dinner though. The frail skeleton looked like he could faint any minute when Horror saw him. It didn't matter now. Horror approached the kitchen and leaned into the room, Dust was shaking on his stool. The others weren't looking at the moment. Horror went up to him. "'m sorry." He mumbled, crouching near him, pretending to pick something up off the floor. 

Dust barely responded, simply shuffling a bit. No verbal confirmation of forgiveness came from him. Horror didn't need to apologise, and he didn't even tell him that. Dust was being warped and shifted by Papyrus without even realising. Horror shrugged. "Don't getcha." He stated, grabbing his food and walking away. He didn't lose anything he felt for Dust. But the tiny skeleton was being annoying to him. So he just left.

Dust was shaking. He had just upset Horror. He didn't know how to feel. The world was so busy, colours. Bright colours. The kitchen red and blue. Indigo, violet. Night time sky. Bright. Happy. Joy. Yeah. That's right. Joy. Levelling up. Dust was now faceplanted on the table, giggling to himself, to anyone else he looked creepy, but he was seeing everything. Experiences had become sort of 3rd person. He felt like he wasn't in his own body, seeing someone play out his life. Watching them make choices. He watched as he faded in and out of consciousness, barely able to breathe as he made choking noises. The extremely loud noises drew the attention of the others, who managed to shake him back to reality. Not without difficulty. It was like he had overdosed on something, had withdrawals. He hadn't taken anything. What was it. Was he just that fucked up mentally?

He thanked the others for their kindness, apologising as he stood up and went to his room. The world was dull to him now, even the others, their normal brightly coloured eyes, or in the case of killer, his red knives he carried, were dull. Not as in the sharpness of the knives, the colour. They seemed more pale or more dark. It was truly hard to describe, but Dust wasn't sure what it was anyway. He tried to not focus on how bad he was getting by climbing back into bed. Heading back to sleep at a more reasonable time.

----------------

Horror hadn't slept. Not because he couldn't, but because he normally doesn't sleep for very long, and the night prior he had slept for about 3 times as long as he normally does. He had gone out in the night to an AU he quite liked visiting. Farmtale. He was good friends with the Sans from their. He had paid him in advance for a special bouquet of purple iris flowers, verbana and asters. It was expensive, and beautiful. Horror gave Farm a hug, before leaving. Tipping him an extra bit before he did. He returned back to the castle and placed them in some water with some auxins to propagate root growth. Then he returned to his own room to grab the buttercup, which due to the magical nature of the auxins - mixed with some magic of course- had already grown roots. 

Nightmare had a garden near the castle. A little greenhouse in it too. He had given Horror permission to grow any flowers he wanted, so long as they were dull or dark colours. Purples and reds were fine, but the yellow buttercup would have broken the rules. So he used a small amount of plant-safe food dye, and splashed red onto it, making it appear to be a blood splattered plant. He would of course inform Nightmare as soon as he awoke to ask if it was fine, but at the moment, the little buttercup sat in the soil and it was pretty.

Horror had also prepared a new gift, that would arrive in the early morning, around 9-10am. He was unsure as to why, he felt this way towards Dust. Someone who clearly wasn't interested, nor even like Horror. Every time they spoke after the first interaction was barely anything. Not to mention they hadn't met a long time ago, it was only the second day. Horror was, somehow, determined to try and win Dust. Although deep down he knew, it wouldn't work. 

He sat in the kitchen, the bouquet of flowers in front of him. He waited for Dust. He presumed the skeleton would expect him to be up at a similar time as the day before. So Horror believed Dust would try come an hour before to get his breakfast. And so Horror waited. And he was right. He was sat there with his coffee as Dust walked in. "Morn' Murder." 

Dust froze up. Despite him allowing Horror to use the name, it still shocked him. Not to mention how he didn't think Horror would even be up. He tried to ignore him, giving in further to his Papyrus. He grabbed some bread and toasted it. He buttered it and sat down at the opposite corner of the table from Horror. Not even looking at him. He knew Horror could snap his neck if he wanted to. He should be thanking him, but again, didn't.

Horror slid the flowers to Dust, smiling as he drank his coffee, finishing it. He watched as the other looked at the flowers, examining them. Then finishing his toast. Horror had placed the flowers in a beautiful vase. It looked as if it came from royalty. It wouldn't be surprising to hear it to be one of Nightmare's old antiques. Dust grabbed it. And threw it back at Horror. Hitting him square in the forehead with it, the glass shattered. Horror didn't move for a moment. Dust froze as well. Horror moved his eyes to face Dust. And Dust was gone. Teleported away immediately. Horror twitched his skull a bit, groaning as he reached his hand deep into his skull through his eye, grabbing a few glass shards that had landed in there. He felt his eye go a bit fuzzy. The glass must have hit and cut it. He stood up and started to clean up the mess. He grabbed a sweeping brush and collected all the glass into a pile, then shovelled it into the bin, taking the bin outside and placing into the larger outdoor bin they had. They would then take that to whatever AU to dump it there or recycle it. But not now. Horror walked back inside and finished cleaning. He looked at the bouquet and sighed. Whatever. He grabbed it and went back to Farmtale.

He walked into Farm's barn, despite it being 3am in that AU. He went to Farm's room, knocked and entered. Farm slept very little through the night anyway. He silently gave Farm the bouquet, handing him another small amount of money to apologise for wasting his time. He then left  after immediately, not allowing Farm to say anything. He finished wiping down and drying any water that was on the floor or counter and it looked like nothing had happened. Horror then walked towards the garden again. He sat down, catching a glimpse of himself in the reflection of the greenhouse. He looked and, didn't react much verbally, but he was seething. Dust had shattered a bit more of his skull, which wasn't the main thing that annoyed him. It was now, the crack has expanded so much, it was now connected to his eye socket. That's probably why Dust ran away so fast. 

He kept his cool, not expressing his anger in any way. He watched the plants move about in the wind a bit and smiled. When he was angry back in Horrortale, he often went to Farm. He did work, but when Farm screamed at him to stop working - or else he would be drastically overworked - he would sit down outside, often with the flowers. Red spider lilies. Farm told him how they signified death to some people, Chrysanthemums too. Horror remembered always questioning him, they were all such pretty flowers. How could someone assign such horrible attributes to a flower? It didn't make sense to Horror, but they fit with Nightmares garden. And they were more than beautiful. They fit so well. Horror looked more out of place than they did. He stayed there for a few hours before he heard someone shout his name. He got up and packed away the chair, folding it up and sliding it into the greenhouse. He slowly followed the sound to the kitchen. 

Dust and the others were sat down, everyone besides Dust were eating breakfast. As Horror walked in, everyone was caught staring at him, besides Dust. Horror looked badass, but that doesn't make a difference when he should have died about 10 times by now with how large his crack had grown. He was flooded with multiple questions, he shushed everyone, saying he would explain to Nightmare shortly, and to everyone else when he saw fit. He turned to Dust after everyone had calmed down slightly, seeing him have a look of sheer horror on his face. Horror shrugged, turning back to the front door as he checked the time, the delivery was due, he waited outside for the delivery. Mail Sans, a nice sans, quite generous and laid back. One of the only people who wasn't scared to deliver things to places like Dreamtale or even Dusttale. Horror tipped him, not a custom to do with delivery services but Horror felt like it. And with how this next thing would go, he wanted to at least have someone happy.

He walked inside and waited for everyone to leave besides Dust. He sat down at the table. He handed the parcel over to him.

Dust was confused, why was he still trying. He didn't like this fool... he didn't... he did. No. He didn't of course he didn't. He wasn't gay. He wasn't... no. Horror wasn't good enough for him. He knew that now. Horror was pathetic, cheap EXP even someone like Dust could feel bad for. Despite that, he felt like... he didn't know. But every time Dust came close to feeling sympathy for Horror, or even love. Papyrus would speak, quickly changing Dust's mind. Like a puppet. He opened the box, finding a knife set. It was, beautiful. Some of the most expensive, high quality knives he had ever laid his eyes upon. There was 5 sets of knives. One was for Dust, it even had a little personalised note on top. A cute little illustration of him and Horror. Each of them had one, but his was dead centre and looked to prettiest. Dust looked at it and opened the knife set for himself. Inside were 8 knives. From small knives, to a decent sized knife Dust would most likely use, to a bread knife and a carving knife. Expensive. Each knife looked pristine, easily worth £150 each. Dust examined the knife. And in an almost robotic motion, felt the handle, grabbed it, and threw it in the direction of Horror. 

Horror would have taken it but dodged to prove a point. He snatched them back off Dust, then grabbed him by his shirt, lifting him up to eye level. He stared at him. His eyes not tired, lazy, nor attractive anymore. They were aggression. Pure aggression. Horror dropped him, turning away and letting Dust do whatever. He grabbed the knife sets and put them back in the box. "never asked.... for love... you could have.... said no." He walked away, directly to Nightmares room. He was uninterested in Dust now. He had tried. Little things like hugs. He had even gone into Dust's room when he wasn't there for the first few days to try introduce himself. Each time with a small box of chocolates. Dust was never there. Horror had tried these past few days. Each attempt was met with refusal. Even non-romantic things. A hug. Dust ran away from a hug. Whatever.

Horror approached Nightmares room and knocked, once he was granted entry, he handed Nightmare a knife set. The same one Dust got, a similar illustration too. It was to thank him for allowing him to come here. He assured Nightmare this wasn't some kind of last minute thing before he quit. However, he sat down and spoke. He wasn't good at speaking, so he signed by pointing at certain things to get most of his words out. He pointed at his crack, specifically the part where Dust had injured it. He then pointed at a vase with some flowers in, then signalled that he gave Dust the vase, by pretending to give Nightmare one, then stood up, in place of Dust, and threw the pretend vase directly where he was just sitting. "m... just wanted... to at least... be friends.." Nightmare nodded in response, thinking. He stood up and thanked Horror for the knife set. He apologised for Dust, insisting he would not only keep a close eye, but were he to personally witness anything, he would do the exact same thing Dust did to him, but 10 times, and with 5 times as much force each time. Infighting in his group was something Nightmare despised. For his own selfish reasons of course, but you can't run a group with constant fighting. Horror accepted the response and bowed his head towards Nightmare to signify respect, then left. 

He walked quite a while to get to his next destination. Nightmares room was very out of the way from everyone else's. He eventually found his way to Cross' room. He knocked on the door, and entered. He smiled as he greeted Cross, handing him a knife set, with the same little illustration of Horror and whoever was handing it to. He sat down on the floor for a quick second, reorganising the box as he had placed all the loose knives in the box, so he didn't want to stab himself, so he placed them all at one side. He also did the same thing he did with Nightmare. Although, didn't mention name, or hinted at who it could be. He repeated this with Error and Killer. Error would have less use for a knife set compared to someone like Killer, but Error could use them for cooking.

After doing this with everyone, he went back to the kitchen, packed up his knives and went to his room. He tossed the box on the bed and immediately went to Dust's room. He knocked on the door. Nothing. That was all he needed to know. Dust didn't feel anything, no remorse, no sadness, nothing. As much as it hurt Horror (and it did), his attraction to Dust, was just that, an attraction. Dust's attraction to him, was an obsession. Horror didn't even know Dust liked him, he had a slight suspicion at the start from the others faint purple blush but whatever. It didn't matter now. It won't ever again. It won't ever be the same. Horror grabbed the knife set, and teleported out. He went to Farm. It was the only AU where he felt comfort. He walked into Farm's kitchen, knowing he would be there. It was nice.

"Hey big guy, how are y'all a-doin'?" Farm chimed, walking up to Horror, who handed him the box, with the knives left stray. Horror got down on his knees and hugged Farm. 

"'m sorry...." He mumbled into the others shoulder. Big ol' softie he was. He could be anyway. He apologised for the knives not being in a proper box and just the crooked old cardboard from the delivery. He apologised for there only being 7, not 8. The 8th was ruined when Dust threw it into the wall.  "Hey hey, you're fine. Ay promise ya." He gently patted Horror's back, this wasn't what he expected today, nor was it last night. He gently looked at Horror, leaning back to do so. He smiled softly,  rubbing his face, "y'er eye?" Horror nodded, he tried to mumble what happened, but couldn't do it coherently, as he kept getting overwhelmed emotionally each time he did so. He mumbled, crying a little, then stopping himself. Farm thought for a second. "Ya tell anyone else?" Horror nodded. "Bring em 'ere, or we go to them!" Horror thought for a second. The only person he had said the name to was Nightmare. Whilst Nightmare didn't exactly dislike Farm, they had no positive feelings with each other. 

Horror grabbed Farm's hand and teleported to Cross, who was able to more coherently say what happened than Horror was, after they left, Horror was able to mumble who did it. Whilst the answer wasn't surprising, it still was slightly shocking. Dust had appeared to be getting better. With his very few interactions with any of the Bad Sanses he knew that Dust was more sane and safer to be around. Clearly not. They returned back to Farmtale and Farm let Horror know that he could stay here any time he wanted, which Horror immediately took the offer on. 

Throughout the week he had numerous missions to complete, none with Dust. Nightmare didn't put them on the same one. But that week showed how strong Horror was. Not only was he just terrifying, which inflicted negative emotions on their own. He could work his magic in multiple ways. Being able to haunt people at night in their AU's by hiding in a crack between their mostly closed curtains, making them paranoid someone was watching them. He could hide under some peoples beds, breathing at times they weren't to make them uncomfortable, which would eventually grow into absolute fear. Eventually Horror finished his first full week. Nightmare was very impressed.

One person who wasn't. Dust. Dust had slowly started to realise that Papyrus was acting that way out of selfishness. Dust was fine and could perform well with a relationship. He, was prepared to apologise to Horror, but because he almost never slept their during the week after what he did, he was unable to. 

------

A few weeks had passed. Dust had seen Horror a few times, but the larger skeleton never even looked at him. It slowly started to dawn on Dust that, he had lost Horror. The person who he was literally head over heels for. He had lost him. All because. He listened. To a hallucination. Dust had lost the man who would have been his lover, if he had common sense. If he accepted Horror's advances. He laughed at himself. No this couldn't be true. It was a dream surely. It was all just a dream. He pinched himself, poked himself, hit himself. It wasn't a dream.

It wasn't a dream

It wasn't a dream

It was real.

He had lost Horror.

No. No, Horror wasn't with anyone. So, over time they could build a bond back up. Right? He grabbed onto his jacket and tried to control his breathing, barely being able to at this point. He tried to bring himself to a more sane position. Papyrus had gone. Once he did his damage, he went. And Dust certainly believed he would never come back. He didn't know why he thought this, he just did.

He paused. He was in the kitchen. Horror had just walked in. He was about to get up. Go apologise. He had finally built up the courage. He was finally going to do it. He didn't expect forgiveness, but he wanted to try. He approached Horror an-. Horror wasn't alone. He was with someone. With another AU. Farm. Of course. I mean, why would Horror wait for Dust to apologise. There were always better options for him. Dust was one of possible hundreds. He was easily in the bottom third of the pile while Farm was easily top 5. And now, he had lost his chance.

He loved Horror. No, he needed him. He had never felt like that with someone ever. Not one other person gave him the same feeling that Horror did. No one could ever make him as happy as Horror. No one could bring him to his knees quite like Horror. No one could intimidate him like Horror. Horror was the best in everything to Dust. And, someone else gets that now. He's happy for Farm, sure. But, were it not for him still loving Horror. He would plunge a knife down his throat in seconds. He doesn't want to hurt Horror though. He wanted Horror in every way. And Papyrus prevented that. Dust went to the garden, pulled a flower out. And went back to the kitchen.

"H-Horror..." He spoke, attracting his attention. Dust held the flower behind his back as he spoke. "I've been... horrible. That puts it extremely lightly. I don't expect anything. But." He pulled out the buttercup that Horror had tried to give him at the start of this entire experience. The suspense was killing him. It felt like he was waiting hours for Horror to respond. Horror did wait a bit, but 5 seconds felt like 2 hours to Dust. Horror reached, and gently grabbed the buttercup. He looked at it, smiling. It was as beautiful as he remembered. The red splatters on it had faded slightly but it was still pretty.

Dust had his eyes closed, not ready for the response. He opened them slowly, met by Horror crouching down slightly. He held his arms out to Dust. To which Dust collapsed into them. He wasn't expecting forgiveness. In a way it hurt more. The love of his life forgave him for something. He wasn't the perfect partner he wanted to be. He wasn't going to end up with him. Bittersweet. He had forgiveness. That was good enough. To want more would be greedy right?. And so, Dust hung on for as long as he could, before Horror gently let him down. He rubbed the little guys head and thanked him, going to sit down with Farm. Dust nodded, and walked outside. He sat down on the steps. He had nothing to say anymore. He found his purpose. And lost it. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself that 'everything would be okay'. It wouldn't be. He was happy, for Horror. He loved him. But, a friendship isn't what Dust wanted. He went to his room, grabbed a pen and paper.

He wrote a note to each individual member of the group. Then he wrote to Horror.

'To My Love. 

I, am sorry. I can't explain to you in words, on text or pages what you mean to me. I feel like until I met you, I lived in a world where I was blind, cold and deaf. When I met you, I could see, hear and feel warmth. Obviously not literally, but that's what it felt like.

You are, the most important thing to me. But being friends isn't going to help me. Do not feel guilty. I am a horrible person for what I put you through. I can't even bring myself to say your name. Hence why this letter is not addressed to you. I'm sorry. I can't say it enough really. I ruined my only chance of happiness in life. I won't have a chance to redeem it. I'm happy for you and Farm. I really am. But, to say I am jealous is to tell a blind person they need glasses. It's nowhere near the truth. I'm sorry for dumping all this on you at once. I let my hallucinations control me.

You, are the best thing that has happened to me. The few moments we had together in happiness were maybe just moments to you, but to me it was a new beginning. I would sit here now and tell you I would do anything for you. Be yours. Be a toy for you. I wouldn't be lying either. However I don't want to disrespect your relationship. 

All My Love, Murder.'

He sent that letter to Farm's house, a red splatter on the back to signify it was for Horror. He did similar things with the rest. He walked out the front door. And kept walking. He walked until walking became too slow. Then he ran, until that became too slow. Then he teleported. He got as far away as he could from Nightmare's castle. He returned to Dusttale, and wrote 2 words on a piece of paper. 

'Thank You.'

He left. He didn't know where he went. He just kept going until he was in a place where no one was. No one, not even Error had probably been this far. He stayed. He really did mean those words.

Thank You.

[techn0cel]

My thoughts on Seung Hui Cho and Emily Hilscher

Hello everybody, I would like to start this post off by saying I’m very grateful for all the recent attention I’ve been getting on here. I don’t expect much engagement on this post but I want to share my thoughts anyways because it’s a very interesting topic. Today, I will be discussing one of the most popular and creepiest things about the Virginia Tech shooting which is Seung Hui Cho’s “obsession” with Emily Hilscher.

if you are unaware of who Emily Hilscher is, she was Cho’s second murder victim. Emily Jane Hilscher was an 18 year old freshman (born June 2nd, 1988) studying animal sciences at Virginia Tech. She was described as outgoing, friendly and imaginative by friends and family. Many people believe she was the first to die but that was debunked as she was alive for 2 hours before succumbing to her gunshot wounds. One last thing I mention before I start sharing my thoughts, Emily had a 19 year old boyfriend named Karl Thornhill, who was also a gun enthusiast just like Seung Hui Cho. Remember this because he plays a role later.

In earlier VT reports (circa April 2007), it was stated Seung Hui Cho was apparently “crazy in love” with Emily Hilscher and wanted to be in a romantic relationship with her. However, Emily had rejected him and Cho became enraged with her specifically, hence why he targeted her first. Emily’s friends deny these rumours and can’t recall her even being aware of Cho’s existence. It is still a mystery after 17 years if the two really were together or not, which could explain another motive for one of the worst school shootings of all time.

I had heard multiple interpretations of their potential relationship but I will be explaining the story that caught my eye. Reminder: everything I’m about to say aren’t facts and just how the story goes. Unfortunately, I lost the original source material a couple of years ago so a few details might be fuzzy but I’ll try to explain to the best of my abilities.

Cho (around 2006) often visited an animal shelter due to his love for animals, anti animal cruelty and potential veganism. Emily was a volunteer at this same animal shelter and over time she started to talk more with him to which he didn’t say much but listened to what she said. As the months passed by, Cho started to develop a huge crush on her and genuinely believed they were in a relationship. Cho began to stalk her and show up at her doorstep unannounced, he would send her weird messages on Facebook as well. Cho eventually found out she already had a boyfriend and was angry at Emily for “leading him on”. After this, Cho threatens her, makes sexual comments towards her and tries to isolate her from family, friends and boyfriend to which Emily cuts him off entirely. This was around the time he was planning the shooting and decided she would be the first to die for rejecting his advances. On April 16th 2007, his intent was to rape Emily first before killing her but didn’t follow through with that because of Ryan Clark interfering. He didn’t have enough time and so he just ran off after murdering Emily and Ryan. Many Virginia Tech shooting “fans” either believe Emily was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and that the rumours are bogus or that Cho did had an obsession with her. However, the stories do add up with Cho’s personality and it’s proven he had stalked women multiple times leading up to the massacre. It’s not out of character for both students to meet in an animal shelter, Emily was a kind person and would’ve felt bad for Cho since he was a loser with no friends. The only thing really stopping people from believing these rumours are Emily’s friends claiming she never talked about a “Seung Hui Cho”. Law enforcement couldn’t find any evidence to hint Emily knew Cho.

I’m in no way saying Emily’s friends are 100% lying but female victims of stalking by men are usually afraid to speak about the abuser to family and friends. She might’ve never mentioned him to her friends because Cho was clearly a mentally disturbed and dangerous man. There are many other reasons why Emily potentially could’ve stayed quite about her relationship with Cho which include fear of being judged/not believed or guilt. It also makes sense Emily’s friends DID know but didn’t want to make themselves apart of this whole thing. Being questioned in even some connection to a school shooting is terrifying, so I don’t blame them too much if they did really know and were just lying.

Cho was quite familiar with the WAJ hall area as we know, he had a previous stalking allegation from a woman that lived in that same building (November 2005). However, I need to acknowledge the other side’s arguments, Cho easily could’ve just saw Emily that morning walking to her dorm room and decided to kill her. Cho didn’t have to have a reason other than “practice”, It’s possible Cho never knew her. Something frustrating about this case is that every time you think you know something, there are a billion plot holes that can’t be explained easily. One of my mutuals told me they didn’t think Cho even knew of her existence before April 16th 07 and that it was a random attack. He was also 4 years older than her and was a senior by the time she started her first year. Virginia Tech is a massive school, having a population of over 20,000 students.

Remember when I said to keep Karl Thornhill in mind? Yeah apparently a few people who research this case believe Seung Hui Cho was aware of him as well. Karl Thornhill was briefly a suspect but was quickly ruled out as the shooter, he hasn’t made any interviews about what happened and it’s unknown what he is doing today. All we know about him is that he feels partially responsible for Emily’s murder.

“Karl’s been taking the situation very hard,” said Tori White, 19, a friend of Mr. Thornhill’s family, in an e-mail message. “He kept thinking that if he had just kept her in the car for a minute or two longer she’d still be here. I think he feels a bit responsible, though by no means is it his fault.”

The theory I personally believe, is that Cho was aware of her but she wasn’t aware of him. I believe Cho did like her but didn’t know how to express it, his previous love interests were either random girls he was stalking or completely made up in his head (Yes, I am looking at Jelly..).

Cho couldn’t take rejection and presumably wanted to have sex before he died, he hired a prostitute to dance for him but never actually had sexual intercourse with her. The woman claimed Cho was even “bored” during the session. Seung Hui Cho in general, is a very contradicting person and doesn’t make much sense even to someone who has been researching him for years at this point. We will never truly know what the hell was going on in his head and there’s such a lack of answers in the whole case. Obviously you don’t like to question people who lost a good friend, but VT university covers up so much stuff about this event that it’s hard not to. There really wasn’t much reasons for Emily to lead Cho on, considering she was in a seemingly perfect relationship with Karl. The two always cuddled on the couch watching movies on Sunday nights and were high school sweethearts.

In April 2012, this idea of Cho being obsessed with Emily was revisited in “Massacre gunman's deadly infatuation with Emily” written by The Standard. Emily apparently wrote on her MySpace page "I live, love and get booted (high, stoned or drunk) but eventually that will change... I now have a wonderful guy who is hopefully going to change all of that." somewhere before October 2006.

Liviu Librescu has been awarded for his heroism and talked a lot about outside of those weird Virginia Tech shooting forums online. However, I still believe Emily is arguably the most important victim of them all because she brings up a whole conversation of misogyny. I’m not saying Cho was 100% an incel or that was why he killed her, nor am I saying the other 31 lives didn’t matter as much because of course they do.

I think it’s important for women not to get involved with controlling, mentally ill men like Seung Hui Cho, it never ends well and your life always comes first. If you or someone you know are in an abusive relationship, male or female, please call a domestic abuse hotline. Stay safe out there everyone and thank you so much for reading!

[aishangotome]

Ellis Twilight: Chapter 20

Chapter 19 Premium Story

It was that evening when Jude and Ellis were summoned by William.

William: I apologize for the sudden summons.

Ellis: No––

Jude glared at Ellis, whom he was seeing for the first time in days.

Jude: Oi, Ellis, you have somethin' to tell me first.

Jude: Where were ya without even handin' over yer work?

Ellis: ...I went to see Victor.

Ellis: To ask if I could be removed as Kate's bodyguard.

Jude: Hah?

Jude's voice grew even colder.

Jude: I told ya to take responsibility for yer own mess.

Jude: If you're goin' to abandon her because you're tired of it, don' involve 'er in the first place.

Ellis: It's not because I'm tired of it. It's just––

Ellis: Anything that would cause her misfortune shouldn't be by Kate's side.

Ellis declared flatly, in other words, that he himself was the source of Kate's misfortune.

Jude: ...Where is she now?

Ellis: ...? "She" meaning Kate?

Jude: No one has seen 'er since she went to yer room.

Ellis: Eh...?

In the brief silence, William's voice cut in.

William: I apologize for interrupting your private conversation, but...

William: I have some bad news regarding Kate.

Ellis: ...Bad news?

Jude: Tch... What is it?

William: Kate's whereabouts are unknown.

Jude: ...Huh?

Ellis: ––What!?

William: Based on eyewitness accounts throughout London, the culprit is likely a remnant of the gang you two apprehended before.

William: "The noble Privy Council of Her Majesty" secretly paid their bail and had them released.

Ellis: Why...?

William: To them, we at Crown are a stain on Britain that must be eradicated immediately.

William: But to speak out against an organization directly under Her Majesty, they need to have some leverage.

William: That's why they probably thought of using the gang.

William: They must have known that Crown was involved in resolving the kidnapping case by the gang.

William: By inciting revenge against those we had arrested, it would be easy to make them attack us.

William: I don't know if the Privy Council was aware of Kate's existence, but...

William: If they could create a situation where an ordinary citizen became a victim due to a Crown mission...

William: That would be enough for them to recommend the dissolution of Crown to Her Majesty.

Jude: ...When was she kidnapped?

William: This evening, apparently.

William: For a clever robin who has always kept her promises to leave her cage with either of her bodyguards...

William: Did something happen?

Ellis: ...!

As if propelled by a spring, Ellis dashed out of the hall.

Jude didn't follow him; instead, he pressed William for answers.

Jude: For someone kidnapped jus' a few hours ago, ya seem to have an awful lotta information.

Jude: ––You weren't lettin' 'em do as they please, were ya?

William: ...Certainly not.

Jude grabbed William by the collar, who was smiling nonchalantly.

Jude: Do ya even realize what ya've dragged that damn idiot into?

William: Of course.

William: ––I also know how angry you'll be about it.

Jude: ...You bastard.

William: ...............

-

(Where... am I?)

When I opened my eyes, I was in pitch darkness.

It was so dark that I couldn't even tell if my eyes were open or closed, and I strained them desperately.

I tried to sit up, but my arms were bound tightly and wouldn't move.

Kate: ––!

(My body is tied up with rope...)

As soon as I raised my head, I bumped into something, and I realized I was crammed into a narrow, coffin-like box.

I tried to push up the ceiling with my forehead, but it wouldn't budge.

(I can't get out...)

––Then, perhaps noticing the sound, a voice came from outside.

Man's voice: Oh... are you awake already?

Kate: ...!

I held my breath as the sound of footsteps on the floor drew closer.

Man's voice: The only time you'll get out of there is when you die.

Man's voice: "Keep her alive as bait for a few days, and if the prey doesn't take the bait, kill her brutally and display her body on London Bridge."

Man's voice: Sorry, but those are my orders.

A chill ran down my spine, and all the blood drained from my face in terror.

But panicking now wouldn't help me escape this coffin.

(At least I know I won't be killed for a few days, so I need to calm down...)

I took a deep breath and searched for clues, retracing my memories.

(From the way he spoke, it seems like this man is also acting under someone else's orders...)

("Prey" means they're trying to lure someone who would come to rescue me, right?)

(The enemy's target is... Jude and Ellis...?)

As members of Crown, and having acted as my "bodyguards," those two would be compelled to act to prevent any confidential information from leaking out once they realize I'm missing.

(––To put those two... to put Crown in danger, I'm a failure as a Fairytale Keeper.)

I shouldn't have recklessly left the castle alone.

But it's too late to regret my impulsive actions now.

(Back then, I felt like if I didn't chase after him, I would never see Ellis again.)

(But... if that means Ellis might be put in danger––)

I would regret that more than never seeing him again.

(I have to find a way to escape...)

(Even if it means making a deal, I'll do anything.)

Kate: ...Why are you doing this?

Man's voice: It's revenge against you and your buddies who threw us in jail.

Perhaps thinking I'm going to die anyway, the man outside readily answers.

(Jail...?)

Kate: Don't tell me... you're from the gang that was behind the kidnapping...?

Man's voice: A certain someone, you see, got us out of jail on the condition that we take revenge on you lot.

Man's voice: I don't know what grudge such a noble person has against a mere trader and his guards, but...

Man's voice: It doesn't matter to us.

(...Which means...)

They either don't know about "Crown" or haven't been told.

(Are these people being used too...?)

Man's voice: But it'd be a waste to kill you. I could help you escape secretly, you know?

(Eh?)

(...Even if I think about it calmly, there's no way I can get out of here on my own.)

The coffin I was trapped in was sturdy, and the lid seemed to be securely locked, refusing to budge.

Even when I felt around, there were no cracks or gaps.

(If that's the case, my only option is to beg for my life and then seize an opportunity to escape when I'm out of the coffin...)

(––The chances of success are low, but I have no choice.)

Kate: ...H-help me––

Man's voice: As if. No way, idiot!

(What...?)

Man's voice: If we don't kill you, we'll end up back in jail. Well, despair until you die.

Man's voice: If you're really desperate, I'll show you some affection when it's time to kill you.

The man's scornful laughter and footsteps faded away.

A heavy, metallic door slammed shut with a clang.

(There was no room for negotiation...)

"Despair until you die" –– the man's parting words echoed in my mind.

(I can't give up. I have to wait for an opportunity.)

-

(––How much time has passed since then...?)

My vision was still shrouded in darkness, with no light leaking in, and I was losing my sense of time.

My throat was parched, my stomach was empty, and every part of my body ached from being unable to move.

(A few hours? Or still just a few minutes?)

He said they would keep me alive for a few days, but I had no idea how much longer this situation would continue.

(Will there be a chance to escape?)

(Maybe until I'm killed...)

(I'll be like this forever––)

I desperately tried to shake off such thoughts that kept creeping into my mind.

The darkness was like an open mouth, a fear of being swallowed up without resistance.

(N-no, no! I have to think about something fun. Let's see...)

The image of the flower field at twilight, where I spent time with Ellis, suddenly came to mind.

(Ah...)

The happy feelings from that time vividly resurfaced, and in the next moment, those memories pierced my heart like a sharp pain.

(Happiness is like the twilight sky, its colors quickly changing.)

The throbbing ache in my chest reminded me of Ellis's words.

Happy times pass by in an instant.

Yet, the brilliance of those memories, burned into my mind, only emphasized the coldness, the darkness, the pain of the reality before me.

(For two years after the accident, Ellis's brother...)

(He must have been gradually consumed in this kind of darkness.)

Right in front of Ellis.

I'll probably never be able to fully understand the weight, the desperation in Ellis's words when he said he "wants to make happiness eternal."

(But now, I think I can understand, just a little.)

Just as my heart was about to break from the darkness and fear, I heard a loud noise in the distance.

Kate: ....!

It sounded like a scream, like a roar.

The sound of something breaking and shattering, the sound of something heavy collapsing, and then––silence.

And then, the sound of hurried footsteps approaching.

Ellis: Kate...!

(That voice...!)

Kate: Ellis....!

For a moment, joy welled up inside me.

But in the next instant, a much greater fear washed over me.

(No... If he stays here, he'll be playing right into the enemy's hands.)

Kate: Run!

Ellis: ....!

The footsteps drew closer, and the heavy, iron door creaked open.

(Was Ellis locked up too?)

(But... if it's just Ellis...)

Kate: Ellis, listen!

Kate: The people who kidnapped me were trying to use me as bait to lure you and the others...!

Kate: So you have to escape before someone finds you, it's dangerous––

Ellis: ...It's okay.

Ellis: It's okay, Kate.

(Eh...)

There was a cracking sound, like something breaking.

Then, the rattling of chains falling to the floor.

The coffin I was trapped in slowly opened––and from my vision, dazzlingly white, Ellis's form gradually came into focus.

Ellis: ...It's okay, because what you're worried about won't happen.

(Ellis...)

Ellis––his hands, his face, were covered in blood.

Kate: ...!

Ellis: ...See?

Understanding the meaning behind his "It's okay," I felt tears welling up.

He didn't explicitly say "I killed them all" to protect my heart.

He's the kind of person who can wish for the happiness of others, no matter how much he gets dirty or hurt.

That's why I fell in love with him.

Kate: ...I'm sorry.

Ellis: Why are you apologizing...?

Kate: Because I like you... I didn't want to make the person I like do such a thing...

Ellis: Don't worry about it. It's not more important than saving you, Kate.

Kate: I was selfish and did something terrible to you, Ellis...

Ellis: Terrible...?

Ellis blinked as if he didn't understand what I meant.

Kate: I didn't properly consider your feelings and acted horribly... I'm sorry.

Ellis: My feelings...?

Kate: After hearing your story... I...

Kate: My mind was filled with the thought that "I might be killed."

Ellis: ...That's––

Kate: You didn't want to "kill" me, did you?

Ellis: ...?

His eyes wavered.

Ellis's feelings are surely still left behind on that twilight hill.

I placed my hand over his blood-soaked one.

Ellis: No... I wanted to kill my brother, and I killed him.

Ellis: I'll surely want to kill you too, Kate.

Kate: That might be true, but... how should I put it?

Kate: You were so scared when I almost died, Ellis.

Kate: You always looked happy when we made promises for tomorrow.

Kate: If you only wanted to "kill me and make me unable to go anywhere"... you wouldn't be like that.

Kate: If you were to kill me, Ellis, it would be... because you truly love me,

Kate: And because you're filled with the desire to not make me unhappy.

There's no point in imagining what-ifs.

But I can't help but think––what if, on that twilight hill, your brother had wished for a "continuation"?

(What if he had been able to think that maybe tomorrow would be even happier?)

(I think you probably wouldn't have killed him.)

Kate: I think I understand a little now, from the time I've spent with you, how happiness can fade in an instant, and how scary it is that happy memories can ruin a life.

Kate: But... even so. Even if I knew I would fall into despair tomorrow...

Kate: I want to live with you, Ellis, believing that tomorrow might be happier than today.

The vast amount of blood he was covered in was staining my hand the same color.

(My hand is the same color as Ellis's...)

I thought vaguely, and smiled faintly.

Kate: I think I can be happy every day if I'm with you, so you won't have to worry that I'll be unhappy tomorrow.

Kate: Even so...

Kate: ...If the time comes when you want to kill me, Ellis, that's okay too.

Ellis: ...?

Ellis's eyes widened in surprise.

Kate: Because that means you love me that much and wish for my happiness, right?

Ellis's desire––might entangle, drag in, and bind, just as his curse dictates.

But it will only bind me within happiness, overflowing with Ellis's love.

Kate: It's not that you "want to kill the person you love,"

Kate: But that you "want to lock the person you love in happiness with your own hands."

Kate: That's surely... your true wish, Ellis. That's what I felt when I looked at you.

Spending peaceful days together, inviting you on exciting vacations,

––Even bringing about eternal death could become a means to that end.

It might indeed be a sinful thing.

Kate: But if that's your "selfishness"... then I'm not afraid, even if I'm killed in the end.

Kate: I want to be selfishly loved by you, Ellis.

Ellis: ...Kate.

Ellis's face crumpled.

I wanted to touch his cheeks, which looked like he was about to cry, but I wanted Ellis to reach out to me, so I just stared into his eyes.

Ellis: …Someday.

Ellis: When the happiest moment imaginable comes to you...

Ellis: When I think that there will never be a happier day in my life than now...

Ellis: ... I think I would probably laugh at that moment.

Ellis: Truly, from the bottom of my heart, out of happiness.

Ellis: Even so, aren't you scared...?

Kate: … Yeah.

Kate: It's true that killing someone you love and feeling happy about it.... is a bit strange.

Kate: But, it's okay.

Kate: I thought you were a bit of a troubled person from the start, Ellis.

Ellis: ...!

I realized that my vision was blocked, and I was being held tightly.

Ellis: A troubled person... since when...?

Kate: Hmm... Pretty much from the beginning.

Kate: But, even so... I fell in love with you.

The breath I inhaled was filled with the gentle scent of Ellis's shirt, like freshly laundered linen, rather than the lingering smell of blood... and even though I was happy, I felt tears welling up.

Ellis: Kate.

Kate: ...Yes?

Ellis: I love you.

Ellis: I love you, Kate.

Ellis: I love you so much that I want to be the only one to make you happy.

Kate: ...Okay.

Ellis: I love you so much that I want you to be unable to live without me.

Kate: Okay.

Ellis: I love you so much.. I want to kill you when you're still happy.

Kate: ..........Okay.

His arms wrapped around me, sweetly squeezing my heart.

I thought this was the happiest moment of my life.

But––I have a feeling that an even greater happiness awaits us.

Ellis: Stay with me forever.

Ellis: ...I won't let you go anymore.

.

.

.

.

.

Blind Love Ch. 21 | Mad Love Ch. 21

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[kamisatomay018]

My Saviour: Part 1

Warnings: mentions of emotionally abusive parents, depressive thoughts, angst with comfort, fluff

Kamisato Ayato x female reader

First Ayato series! But you can read each part individually too. This will also be pretty long and set the background of the story a little, so I hope you Enjoy!:)

“It’s over Ayaka, my life, my freedom, my happiness…it’s all going to end..”

You were a member of the Hiragi clan, And Chisato’s cousin. An only child to your parents, you had been locked away inside your house and this wretched island of Ritou for as long as you could remember. Your parents never treated you like their daughter, rather you were a burden for them and they made sure to tell you that every single day. You had just turned 23 yesterday, and your parents were adamant on getting you married off to some rich noble, regardless of your wishes.

“We want the burden of your existence off our chests” your father had said, looking at you as if you were the worst thing to ever happen to them, which was indeed true. Your parents hated you for after your birth, your mother faced complications which rendered her infertile. They blamed you for it, calling you a devil child who stole the chance of them ever having a male heir. So, they decided to get rid of you once and for all by marrying you off to some other noble.

People barely knew about your existence, for you had never had the opportunity of leaving Ritou. You were absolutely beautiful, each feature so delicate yet perfectly sculpted. You had been raised to be a proper lady, having perfect etiquette in all the matters such as speech, tea ceremony, playing a musical instrument and everything else a noble lady should know. You had met Ayaka 5 years ago when she had travelled to Ritou, and you had looked after her because she was young and could get lost. That’s how you two became best friends.

She told you everything about her life, about her clan and her brother. You knew the Yashiro Commissioner only by his name and by his reputation of being extremely reliable, kind and hardworking. However you got to know a lot more about him through Ayaka, who loved her brother more than anything and would talk about him endlessly for hours. You felt happy that she had a brother like him, for she was so precious and kind to everyone.

Just when you had thought your life couldn’t get any worse, your parents had declared that they’d be putting up notices of your availability in marriage by tomorrow, and that you’d have no choice but to marry. All the noble men you were aware of were at least 10 or more years older than you, who treated women like a trophy and an heir producing machine. You knew that you were about to leave one prison for another, and you had accepted your doomed fate. You were always lonely, often crying in silence while growing up. Seeing other children with loving parents hurt you, and you often hated the fact that you were even born. What was your fault in all this? What had you done to deserve such a fate? You did not know, and you would never get the answers to these questions.

Coming back to the present moment, Ayaka had come to meet you as usual, and you broke the news of your marriage to her. She was absolutely heartbroken for two reasons. The first being that she felt so sad about the treatment you had always been getting, how you were forced into things you didn’t want, how you were trapped and locked away like a slave. The second reason being that this news was going to break her brother’s heart too.

Even though you and Ayato had never formally met or even spoken to one another, he liked you a lot. Ayaka would talk endlessly about you to him, and your gentle demeanour and kindness drew him towards you. He was absolutely enchanted by your beauty when Ayaka had shown a picture of you to him, and without even realising, he had developed feelings for you over these years, and had been searching for opportunities to travel to Ritou somehow, but his busy schedule and the recent crisis in Inazuma regarding the vision hunt decree kept him very busy.

Ayaka hugged you, promising to help you out in her heart. “Please have courage, things will be okay..Who knows, you might actually leave this prison for a palace..”

You chuckled softly, grateful for her words yet not fully believing them “No Ayaka, all the noble men are much, much older than me, controlling and orthodox…I’ll be treated as nothing but a trophy wife..you know, my parents burnt all my paintings yesterday, saying that they were..awful and a hindrance to my potential marriage because my future husband would not approve of my love for the arts..”

Ayaka felt devastated at this, because she knew that painting was the only way you could find peace and express your true self. But now your parents had burnt those too, just the way they had burnt all hope and determination from your life. She hugged you softly again, staying with you some more before she had to return to the Kamisato Estate. There was a lot she had to tell her brother.

Ayaka hurried through the streets of inazuma city to reach the Kamisato Estate; and once she reached she entered her brother’s office without knocking, being a little out of breath.

“Ayaka? What’s wrong sister? Has something happened?” Spoke a deep gentle voice, lavender eyes looking up at his dear sister with a worried gaze. She meant the world to him, and he was always willing to do anything for her.

“Brother…Y/N’s parents are forcing her into an arranged marriage! By tomorrow a list of all the noble men interested in marrying her will reach the Hiragi estate, and they’ll pick a suitor for her..”

Then quill Ayato was once holding dropped, spilling ink onto the parchment but he couldn’t care less. The only girl he was interested in and was dying to meet was about to get married? That too to a stranger? Ayato knew the noblemen of inazuma too well, they were cunning and manipulative, too proud and full of themselves. None of them deserved an angel like you. He took a moment to compose himself, then simply smiled as he reached out to get a new parchment.

“Worry not Ayaka, I will make sure nothing of that sort happens.

“What are you planning to do brother?”

Ayato smiles at her, his eyes twinkling with determination and excitement. “I will go to Ritou and seek Hiragi Y/N’s hand in marriage.”

[cdd-media-share]

Extensive Research Gives Credibility To Multiple Personality Diagnosis. The Press-Courier - Jun. 23, 1985

By ZENIA CLEIGH

Copley News Service

-----------------------------------------

DISCLAIMER:

The things in this article might not reflect current-day understandings of DID.

I am simply sharing this for archival purposes, and to generally share some old, neat things related to CDDs. I'm just sharing for fun and out of interest.

THIS IS NOT AN EDUCATIONAL RESOURCE!

Content warnings: the language used in this article is quite weird and uncomfortable at times/cringey. It is from 1985, after all.

-----------------------------------------

SAN DIEGO - On a Tuesday afternoon about two years ago, psychiatrist Dr. Neal A. Kline was awaiting his next patient, a middle-age, modestly dressed and very literate woman we will call Ruth.

Five minutes to the hour she appeared. She wore a cocktail dress, hovered uncerainly in the doorway and refused repeated invitations to sit down. Perplexed at this confusing behavior in a patient he had been treating for depression for four months, Kline finally insisted that she take her usual seat.

The patient arched an eyebrow. "I'm surprised you have any practice at all when I see how rude you are. Is this how you treat all your new patients?" she said. "And by the way, are you Dr. Kline?"

It is not often in the life of a psychiatrist that such a bombshell drops. Suddenly, it all made sense. Her unusually regal air that day. The unexpected attention to fashion. The flirtatious looks.

Kline took a deep breath, drew on all accumulated wisdom and inquired cautiously: "Now that you know my name, what's yours?"

"My name," she said, "is Raquel."

Thus it was that Kline first realized he was not dealing with a depressive, but with a person suffering from multiple personality disorder - that condition in which the patient periodically shifts into different personalities of which the "host" personality has absolutely no memory.

IT IS A condition he, along with the majority of psychiatrists, had never seen. And what he had witnessed - appearance of Raquel in the place of Ruth - flew in the face of medical skepticism on the subject of multiple personalities. "If you haven't seen on," he said, "you don't believe it's true. It's like being converted almost. It's not the kind of disorder you talk a neutral party into believing.

Yet Kline persisted, became an authority on the subject and eventually presented a paper last fall at the First International Conference on Multiple Personality/Dissociative States held in Chicago, a seriously organized event attended by 500 professionals.

The fact is that multiple personality disorder - dramatized in such sesational movies as "Three Faces of Eve" and "Sybil" - does exist.

In fact, said psychiatrist Dr. Bennett G. Braun, director of the dissociative disorders program at Rush Presbyterian-St. Luke's Medical Center in Chicago, and an organizer of the conference, "There's a lot more out there than people think."

Study focused on multiple personality disorder during the past five years has given rise to some potentially significant observations:

-Those who suffer from the disorder usually are creative, intelligent women with a good working memory, an ability to dissociate (that is, divorce their awareness from a source of extreme pain) and a background (almost 97% are victims of sadistic child abuse).

-THE VARIOUS personalities of such those with the disorder display such amazing differences in allergy levels, electroencephalogram readings and sensitivity to medication that they point to new implications for psychosomatic medicine.

Braun estimates there now are about 4,000 known cases in the United States and the figure is rising rapidly as doctors become familiar with the diagnosis, although the exact number is impossible to ascertain.

According to Dr. Frank Putnam, who researches the disorder at St. Elizabeth's Hospital in Washington, D.C., instances have been reported since the 1700s and numerous case studies were published at the turn of this century. At that time, however, the new diagnosis of schizophrenia, which is characterized by hallucinations and disordered thinking, came into fashion and many multiple personalities were mistakenly diagnosed as schizophrenic. In the late 1970s, Putnam said, "cases in the medial literature started to take off again."

Recently, several prestigious psychiatric journals have published such articles. And in 1980, the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorder (the standard classification of mental diseases) elevated multiple personality disorder from a subcategory of hysteria to a bona fide dissociative disorder of its own, with specific diagnostic criteria.

The disorder is described as the existence within the individual of two or more distinct personalities, each of which is dominant at a particular time, each of which is complex and possessed of its own unique behavior patterns and social relationships.

SAID KLINE, who is an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California at San Diego School of Medicine, amnesia, or "blackouts" occur between the host personality and the sub-personalities, although there may be varying degrees of awareness of each other among those.

"Each of us can say, 'I was in a good or bad mood' As long as you remember it, you're not a multiple personality" he said. "A multiple has no memory of events going on when another personality takes over."

His multiple personality patient, Kline discovered, turned out to have three main personalities - Ruth, the depressed, victimized "host" personality; Raquel, the flirtatious, sexy woman with a yen for world travel, and Regina, the mature, prudent observer. In addition, there are the occasional personalities of a little girl named Ricki and a woman like her immigrant mother. (To protect the confidentiality of Kline's patient, all names have been changed.)

It is extremely distressed, not to say maddening, condition to be in, Kline said, particularly since Ruth often is stuck paying the bills for trips Raquel took and of which she has no memory.

At one point, Kline received postcards from all over South America from his patient's various lesser personalities. "I do want to live!" wrote Raquel, in one. "I, too, would like to live," Regina penned below. "And me, what about me?" squealed Ricki. "I want to live, too!"

"HARDLY A week goes by where there are seven complete days she remembers," said Kline, who is used to getting desperate phone calls from his patient when she "wakes up" at remote airports. "Sometimes it's four to five days, sometimes one and a half, sometimes a few hours. Sometimes she takes long trips where she disappears for three weeks. If she has a whole week she remembers, she considers that a victory."

He went on: "Her basic mood from all this is one of constant depression. Her life is constantly in shambles and debt. She can never do the simple things we all take for granted, like getting a steady job and seeing a steady person. She's become an isolated person who has to live by some sort of after-the-fact wit to cover all the problems that she's just as surprised to find out about as anybody. It's no life, that's the bottom life."

Ruth was severely abused as a child and according to Braun, it is frequent, unpredictable and inconsistent abuse, along with exposure to some kind of love, that drives a child to begin the patterns of dissociation that eventually coalesce in a number of different, defensive personalities designed to deal with the trauma.

Abused children who do not develop multiple personality disorder usually use suppression and denial measures to defend themselves, often becoming adults with some type of sexual dysfunction and inability to experience joy, according to Braun. In contrast, patients with multiple personalities usually split off into personalities that are allowed these pleasures.

THE ABUSE to which multiple personality disorder patients were subjected to as children often is sadistic, bizarre and ritualistic. Braun knows of cases where a child was locked up in a room for three summer months, or forced to walk to the hospital with a ruptured appendix; where a child was told, "I love you," and then burned with a cigarette, or dangled out of a skyscraper window or forced to sit in her own excrement. One child's mother tried to drown her in the bathtub. Another was forced to witness several bizarre murders.

Overwhelmingly traumatic early conditions such as many hospitalizations in early years, or a series of deaths in the family, along with verbal degradation, distortions of truth, and "double bind" messages (wherein a child is told, "I love you" right after a beating, for example) all can weaken the hold on reality and force dissociation.

This ability of the human mind to block out pain by going into altered states of consciousness has become the subject of scientific research. In studies for the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, Md., and St. Elizabeth's Hospital, Putnam subjected patients with multiple personality disorder and a control group to a type of electroencephalogram study called an "evoke potential."

He found that the brain waves of the controls remained the same, even when they pretended to be different personalities. In starting contrast, the brain wave readings of the patients with multiple personality disorder showed marked differences between the various personalities.

THE STUDIES indicated, said Braun, "the personalities are as different as two separate people in different bodies… The implications are that we have great variability in our nervous system and in our being that we don't exhibit generally.

Braun discovered that he could put a patient to sleep by administering 5 milligrams of a tranquilizer, while a dosage of 30 milligrams given intravenously to the same person in a different personality mode would have only the mildest calming effect.

He told of the case of a male multiple personality who was allergic to citrus juices in all personalities but one. If this personality ate an orange and remained in control of the body long enough to digest the orange, no ill effects would occur. However, if he switched to a different personality too soon, a rash that itched and blistered often would result.

Said Kline, "there are implications for psychosomatic medicine here.. This makes it clear that psyche (mind) can control soma (the body), and soma can control psyche."

Treating the psyche of a patient with multiple personality disorder involves uncovering traumatic incidents from the past and creating options for the personality fragments to coalesce into a more integrated adult personality. Sometimes hypnosis is helpful as a way of reaching painful, buried memories.

But the treatment is not easy. "It's not the kind of thing that comes clean fast," said Kline. "You're trying to uncover some early memories for which there is usually amnesia. When you provoke any conflict areas, there's a reflex built in to switch to another personality at those moments.

"WHEN YOU try to deal with individual personalities and reduce their power, they fight back because they feel they're being killed by whatever therapy is going on. So the ambition of fusion - mixing the personalities into some kind of cohesive whole - is in fact the exact direction the person has the reflex to flee from."

As Kline pointed out in the paper he gave at the conference, treating a multiple personality - replete with conflicting behaviors and double messages - also can be a disorienting experience for the therapist. Still, if a patient is lucky enough to have a doctor who will be patient, the chances of recovery after two to seven years of therapy are considered excellent.

As for Ruth, therapeutic work continues on uncovering the painful events of her childhood. She still has periods where her other personalities "get out," after which she despairs of recovery. Kline, however, thinks things may be looking up. She announced to him one day recently, "I know what I have to do to get better. All I have to do is start acting like Raquel when I'm really being Ruth."

Said Kline, "that was really brilliant. That's what integration is all about.

[borrowedtimeandspace]

All Our Past Sorrow Redeeming

AU: The Donna Trilogy | If I Could Turn Back Time

Word Count: 2,314

Note: Happy new year! And welcome to a few new (or maybe not so new?) faces...

~~~

April, 1972

Zepheera finally stopped screaming.

On either side of her, the vice-like grip she had on the hands taking hers loosened for the first time in hours. It left her with a sudden tingling in her fingers, which only accentuated the tightening hold on her left hand, and the gentle pat on the back of her right one.

Someone spoke, but Zepheera couldn't make out the words past the blood rushing in her ears in time with her racing heartbeat. All she could hear through the cotton in her head was the sound of her own heavy breathing.

Her right hand emptied quickly. The leather strip between Zepheera's teeth, meant to dampen her pained cries, was removed. 

Tender fingers stroked the hair back from her clammy forehead to make room for soft lips to press lovingly to it.

“You did it.” Orrick’s voice was much closer, probably right in her ear in order for her to make out the whisper. He sounded like he was crying. “You did so well. I love you so much.”

Hearing Orrick speak was like a calm blanket being draped over Zepheera. Or maybe there actually was a blanket. It was hard to tell what was real through the sheer delirium that overcame her after the massive physical ordeal she'd just been through. She tried to blink her eyes open, only to find that they were also welling up with tears.

They began to flow in earnest as a small weight was placed on her chest, accompanied by the piercing cries of the life she'd just brought into the world. Zepheera just managed to lift her arms enough to hold the absolutely tiny baby handed to her, and she glanced over to find Orrick holding an equally fussy newborn. 

It was over. No… it was only beginning.

Things had happened so fast. Only a year ago, she and Orrick made the trek to the house that had offered Zepheera shelter so many years prior. For her, at least. In real time, she had only been gone a month or so, and her old friends Ceillo and Toffer were quite surprised to see her back.

Meeting Orrick and hearing Zepheera's full story for the first time left the two young men in shock, but they understood why she was in the state she'd been in when she was staying with them. With no reason to disbelieve her tales of time travel and her ageless nature, they agreed that raising little Day as a unit of four loving parents could only do her good.

That was only solidified when Orrick finally met the baby and broke down from the sheer joy of her existence.

Over the following weeks, they worked together to get Zepheera and Orrick settled under the floorboards. Their new place was essentially annexed to Ceillo and Toffer's, just enough that they could have their own private space and still be close enough to be there for the baby.

Day quickly adjusted to all the extra love and attention. Her time was spent equally with both sets of her parents, and she seemed quite happy with all of them. Though Zepheera couldn't help being anxious about actually committing to being a mother after so long, Orrick's perpetual joy to have his daughter in his life made it all feel easy.

And only a few months later, Zepheera discovered she was pregnant once again.

The reality of it was scary at first. It had been nearly two centuries since she'd experienced this, after all, and it didn't take long for Ceillo's midwife mother, Elany, to inform her that she was likely carrying twins.

Only this time, it was different. This time, she had her husband by her side. She had friends who had seen her at her lowest point, and a trusted midwife to guide her through the ups and downs of this new pregnancy. She wasn't alone, and that was a blessing.

~~~

Time passed in a haze for Zepheera following the birth. When she became aware again, she was cleaned up and lying in a different bed, one that she recalled was just off of the delivery room for the sake of ease and comfort. This time around, she had company. Orrick was snoozing just beside her, and the babies were asleep swaddled in little baskets next to the bed.

Zepheera tried to sit up, but only partly managed it before she let out a startled hiss of pain. This roused Orrick from his light slumber. He blinked blearily, but saw right away what was going on.

“Easy,” he murmured, practically jumping up to help support his wife’s weight. “You're still recovering. Even you can't heal that fast after all that.”

Zepheera couldn't argue with that even if she wanted to. The long years had nearly made her forget what it felt like for her to give birth. Even with her healing factor, her body still took its time to properly heal major wounds. Bruises or cuts could heal in moments, sprains and other stress injuries in minutes, but childbirth was another story.

She managed to nod wearily and let her husband hold her up as he rearranged their pillows so she could lie back on them while remaining somewhat upright. Realizing quickly what she was trying to do in the first place, Orrick got up to ever so carefully lift the baby baskets one by one and place them on the bed, practically in Zepheera's lap.

Her breath caught. She'd been too exhausted to fully process what her new children looked like when she first held them. She barely recalled feeding them, but she must have for them to be so content.

Even now, Zepheera had to blink back the mistiness from her eyes. She wanted to take in every detail and remember them forever.

They weren't identical twins, it was already plain to see now that they'd been cleaned up. The one in the basket across Zepheera's legs had a few wisps of copper-red hair, while the one lying more toward the middle of the bed had darker brown hair that was already growing in tiny curls. Little distinctions in the shapes of the teeny faces that peeked out of their swaddles, or the slightest contrast in their complexions, made it all sink in for Zepheera. They were real, and she and Orrick had brought them into being.

“They're so beautiful…” she breathed.

Orrick smiled warmly as he sat gently back down on the bed and scooted in to wrap an arm around Zepheera's shoulders.

“This one is a girl,” he whispered, pointing to the basket closer to his side of the bed. He gave a quiet chuckle and pointed out, “She's got your nose.”

Zepheera shared a soft giggle with him before letting her gaze slide to the other basket. “And this one's got your hair.”

At that, Orrick gave a lighthearted scoff and murmured, “I wish.” He leaned in to carefully brush back said hair, already a bolder shade than Orrick's had been even before it started going grey. “That one's our boy.”

After a few content moments, sitting quietly and watching the little sleepy movements of their newborns, Zepheera pointed out, “Probably time that we named them, eh?”

Orrick nodded. They'd discussed names several times over the course of her pregnancy, each coming up with options for boys and girls since they couldn't be sure of the sex beforehand. “How do we decide?” he wondered.

Zepheera went quiet before gently pulling out from Orrick’s soft embrace. “If you want… I think you should name our daughter.” 

Orrick blinked at the suggestion; it was her tone that surprised him more than anything. Like she'd thought about this a lot, and yet hadn't brought it up until now. And he saw exactly why when Zepheera gave a sheepish shrug and said, “It's only fair, right? Anything you want, that's what we'll call her.”

Nearly two centuries had changed a lot about Zepheera, but there were still things Orrick could read so plainly in her. This was one such thing: her attempt to make up for leaving him out of naming their first daughter. Even though it wasn't something he'd ever expect of her, he did appreciate the thought.

It did still ache a little that he'd missed any time with Day, but now that they were all together it hardly mattered.

“Okay,” Orrick agreed. “But only if you name our boy something good.”

Zepheera managed a weak smile before she nestled in against Orrick’s chest once again. His arm fell back into place around her shoulders.

“You first,” she insisted.

Though he took a few breaths to ponder, he'd had a favored name for a while now. One he was confident could work no matter the baby's gender, and that held a special place in his heart.

Seeing his babies’ first moments sealed the deal. When he held his daughter for the first time, he caught glimpses of her absolutely gorgeous light purple eyes. They were a perfect match to the flower that had long since represented his and Zepheera's love.

“Let's call her Madder,” Orrick decided.

Zepheera smiled, instantly recognizing what the name came from. Not proper madders, but the lesser weeds that sprouted bunches of absolutely tiny four-petal flowers in perfect borrower-sized bouquets. She couldn't remember where or when she'd learnt it, but she never forgot that those weeds were called field madders. Her heart swelled with pride as she looked to her freshly named daughter.

“It's perfect,” she agreed.

He gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Your go.”

Unlike her husband, Zepheera did have to put some thought into it. She'd tossed around a few ideas, same as Orrick, but actually choosing one that fit a brand new person carried much more weight in her mind.

The baby in question sneezed in his sleep before she could even begin to decide. Seeing him grow fussy after being woken up so rudely, Zepheera reached forward to gently rock the basket in place to soothe him. His little cries slowly quieted down, and he trepidatiously blinked his little eyes open.

Zepheera's breath caught when the baby's gaze fell on her. It was already plain to see that her genes combined with Orrick's to make his light ginger hair a bit darker on their son. Now she could tell that they also gave the baby much deeper, richer blue eyes than Zepheera had ever seen before. They were like little gems, looking up at her with a mix of curiosity and caution. As though he already anticipated that the world he'd very recently become a part of was going to be a lot to take in, but he knew he had to see it anyway.

Already she could see so much personality in her son, and that in combination with his red hair made the choice clear.

“Noble,” she blurted.

Orrick hummed thoughtfully. “Noble… Like that friend of yours?”

“Mhm,” Zepheera nodded, finding herself suddenly choked up. Donna Noble. Eight decades had done nothing to dull the memories of the one human Zepheera had become truly close with. In the end, it felt like they could share almost anything with each other without judgement. And though she'd forgiven the Doctor for making Donna forget about him and Zepheera and everything they'd been through, she couldn't really make the pain of that loss go away.

Not when she never got to say goodbye.

It hadn't gotten to her like this in years. Considering her body's recent turmoil, though, it wasn't a shock that she was a bit sensitive to her emotions. Even so, Zepheera tucked her face into Orrick’s shoulder for comfort as she sniffled, “I miss her…”

Orrick let his arm slide down to rub at her back. He couldn't say it was easy to sympathize with such strong feelings of trust and friendship with the bigger folk, but he believed in Zepheera's judgement of character. Toffer, Ceillo and his family turned out to be incredibly friendly folk, just like she'd said. And by then he'd heard quite a few stories about Donna Noble and that Doctor.

“I like Noble,” Orrick reassured his wife. With a soft grin, he reached out to take over gently rocking the baby's basket to keep him calm. “Strong name. Suits him already.”

Zepheera gave a wet chuckle, glad that she could at least honor Donna this way. She wasn't even sure if her friend had been born yet, and already someone was named after her.

She drifted in and out of sleep for what felt like days after that, utterly exhausted. Orrick did his best to minimize disturbances for her, but there were occasions when it was best for Zepheera to be conscious.

For instance, Ceillo’s younger sister Coda came in a few times to check on Zepheera and the babies. Coda’s focus was mostly on the latter since Zepheera's healing factor not only sped up her recovery, but also gave the girl a poor sense of the typical state of a freshly postpartum mother. Studying under her own mother would have to suffice moving forward, and it was plain to see that Zepheera would come out the other end just fine.

Then came the much-needed visit from Toffer, Ceillo, and most importantly little Day. The toddler had been worried sick for her mama and needed to see she was okay. Zepheera managed to be alert enough to put her mind at ease, and introduce her to her brand-new siblings.

Seeing her little eyes light up in awe put the biggest smile on Zepheera's face and nearly made her tear up all over again. Moments like this reminded her that she was really here, with her own odd little family at last.

Zepheera couldn't wish for a better one.

[sequinsmile-x]

Sweet Nothing - Chapter 2 - The Promise

A series of one shots mini fics of our favourite idiots in love to celebrate my birthday, along with all the other July birthdays in the fandom <3

The master list can be found here!

-x-

Hi friends!

Posting this now because I'm hoping to do an update for Stained Glass Windows this evening.

This is for @chaoticbialien and it is a bit of a belated birthday present - so I hope you enjoy this.

The prompt is: “It doesn’t matter.”  with the response “Don’t you see that there are people who care?”

For some reason, this screamed young hotchniss to me, so here we are!

-x-

Words: 1.5k

Warnings: None!

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily growls in frustration as she bursts into the room, letting the door slam behind her, the sound oddly satisfying as it echoes around her and the house. 

She hated that her mother could still get a rise out of her, that her time at college during her undergrad, or even more recently her first semester at Yale, hadn’t changed a thing. A small, naive part of her, that she chastised herself for even allowing to exist, had hoped that distance would do them good. That space and time when they didn’t see each other, after 18 years of it largely just being the two of them, would make them appreciate the time they had together. 

It hadn’t. And Emily wondered when she’d learn that it never would. That she’d never have the relationship she wanted with her mother.

“Emily?” 

She looks up, jumping slightly at the sound of her name, and she sighs in relief, placing her hand over her chest when her eyes meet Aaron’s. 

“Aaron,” she says, clearing her throat, “What are you doing in here?” 

“Well,” he replies, “It is my office.” 

She frowns and looks around, unsure how she ended up here when she’d been aiming for her bedroom, and she looks back at him, “Oh.” 

He smiles fondly at her, the same smile that had swept her off her feet months ago now. It had started in the summer between her undergrad and her master's. She’d come home to find her mother there, but she wasn’t around for long before she went away for several weeks on assignment, leaving Emily with the prospect of being home alone in the summer. 

Until she met Aaron.

He was part of a small team of people working on a security protocol for her mother. He was the only one who acknowledged her presence as more than the nuisance the others seemed to find her. At first, she simply enjoyed winding him up. Walking into his office to distract him and arriving home late from seeing her friends knowing that he’d wait up for her. She learnt quite quickly that she liked his company. He was funny and smart, and it didn’t hurt that he was handsome. He was kind to her, learning to understand her in a way so few people had in her life.

And that was all before they kissed for the first time. 

It had happened a few weeks after they’d met. Elizabeth was home for a weekend, flying back in for a charity gala that she insisted Emily went to as well. Emily went, well aware that it was easier not to argue, but had grown increasingly fed up as it became clear her mother’s intention was to set her up with one of her friend's sons. A seemingly never-ending parade of boring, appropriate men who she had no interest in meeting let alone dating or becoming their trophy wife. She’d escaped, hiding out in a room deep in the house, and Aaron found her. 

He always seemed to find her. 

Even now they’d playfully argue about who kissed who first, but it was the night that changed everything. At first, she’d convinced herself that it was just a summer thing. That the incredible sex and the companionship that came along with it, the hours they’d spend talking and learning about each other in her bed just as precious to her as anything that preceded them, was something that she could learn to live without. But that didn’t happen. She went back to Yale and he stayed at her mother’s on his assignment, and they carried on. She’d come back to DC and not tell her mother, staying at Aaron’s place instead, and he’d come to visit her at college. 

His placement at her family home was soon coming to an end, and the next time she came here he’d no longer be working for her mother. It meant the time that their relationship was a secret was coming to an end, a mutual agreement from months ago that she honestly didn’t see them making it to, that they’d tell Elizabeth once Aaron was back with the FBI looming over them. 

She wanted to say that she didn’t care what her mother thought about it, not when she loved Aaron as much as she did, but she knew she did. That a small part of her, her inner child that still sought out the love and validation she’d never quite received, desperately wanted her mother’s approval over this. 

Emily feels a hand on her shoulder, and she looks up at him, the height difference between them made more obvious by the fact she was just wearing a pair of socks. A pair of his socks. She sighs as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her into a hug, his embrace as relaxing as it always had been. She’d miss him when she went back to college, but took comfort in the fact that it was her last semester. That she would move back to DC as soon as she could and they’d start the life they’d talked about in hypotheticals since the summer. 

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” He asks, resting his chin on the top of her head as she sighs into his chest. She runs her hands up under his suit jacket, feeling the warmth of his skin through the thin material of his shirt. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she replies, not quite sure she believes herself as she tries to deflect. She was conscious of the fact she complained about her mother to him a lot, and she didn’t want him to grow weary of it like other partners had in the past. 

He pulls back to look at her, cupping her cheek to make her look up at him, “Don’t you see that there are people who care?”

She leans into his palm, closing her eyes at the warmth of it, of the roughness of his calloused thumb at her jawline, “You mean you?” 

Aaron nods and kisses her forehead, “Of course I mean me,” he says, leading her towards the couch kept in his office. They sit down and she ends up in his lap, her side pressed up against his chest as he holds her close, “Is it your mother?” 

She sighs and smiles sadly at him, “How did you guess?” 

He tucks some of her hair behind her ear, “Experience,” he quips, watching how her eyebrows briefly furrow together, “Em, you can always talk to me about anything,” he assures her, reaching out for her hand and linking their fingers together, “Even if I’ve heard it all before. It’s kind of part of the whole being your boyfriend thing.” 

Emily chokes out a chuckle, and she feels familiar love for him burning in her chest, “You’re sure? It’s not…boring?” 

“There are many words I could use to describe you, Emily Prentiss,” he says, hooking his finger under her chin to pull her into a kiss, “Not one of them is ‘boring.’” 

She bites her lower lip and she nods, releasing a slow breath, “She told me she will be away for my graduation at the end of the semester, so she won’t be able to make it,” she smiles sadly and shrugs, “Apparently she’s already been to two so she doesn’t need to come to a third.” 

She watches as his jaw tightens, and she knows that one of the reasons she’s looking forward to no longer working here was that he’d no longer be working for her mother. Leaving him simply as her daughter’s boyfriend. Emily’s sure he thinks that means he’d be able to go to battle for her, a thought she finds endearing rather than irritating like she’s sure she would with anyone else. It’s a conversation for another day, a promise she’ll have him keep to leave her mother to her, but for now, she simply lets him pull her closer. 

“I’ll be there.” 

Her smile widens, the certainty to his voice making her love him more than ever, “Honey, that’s sweet but you’ll have work-”

“I’ll be there. I promise,” he says firmly, kissing her again, “Nothing could keep me away.” 

She knows there are a hundred reasons why that might not end up being true, but she also knows that he means it. That he’d move heaven and earth to be there for her, and that is enough to ease the knot in her chest that had been expertly tied by her mother. 

“Ok,” she says, kissing him before she rests her head against his shoulder, “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Months later, he makes it to her graduation. An empty seat next to him that she’d got just in case her mother changed her mind. As she looks out into the crowd, a wide smile on his face and a bunch of flowers intended for her in his hands, she realises she already has everything that she needs. 

-x-

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[ask-carmenpondiego]

Chapter 11: 30% Cloudy with a Chance of Raine

Meanwhile, back at the SCP Foundation facility, specialized cleanup crews were busy trying to perform damage control. Some cleaning up rubble from the walls, some taking samples of the ice that never seemed to melt, and forensics were scouring every bit of fleshy remains that were scattered about like a broken piñata torn apart by candy-starved rabid children.

The General and his Lieutenant were overseeing the cleanup operation, evaluating the damage of the physical building and the ramifications of such a breach of one of the containments. “What would the Crimson Rogue want with SCP-682? Seems rather odd that a rather docile thief would want something capable of leveling a single city block by itself. Do you think she went… well, rogue?” The Lieutenant inquired, as he was looking at the reports following the breach. The General stood silent and stoic, deep in thought.

A lower officer came running up, “Sir! Theres a gentleman here to see you. He says you’re expecting him.” The general nods and the visitor steps forward, dressed in a dull grey, sharply pressed business suit, and a cane umbrella hanging from his arm. The General turns and salutes. “General, I understand that the mishap here was under your supervision?”

The General stands and gives a short sigh, “Yes sir. We had all of our usual protocol in place, both physical and digital securities were compromised by Carmen Pondiego. She has never attempted to be this bold before. Do you think she became wise after that museum fiasco?” The suit pushed up his glasses, “We have no evidence that she is aware of what is going on. What is concerning is that she seems to be building her numbers once again. Perhaps there is something she knows that we do not.” The General clears his throat. “Sir, if I may, what should we do about this breach? SCP-682 was a level Keter. Shouldn’t we notify the public safety?” The suit turns to leave. “Your priority is to not be revealed by the public. This facility is for containment and research. The protection of the world depends on your non-existence. We will cover the incident should the need arise. And we will put an end to this thief problem once and for all. If you need someone to fix your insolent mistakes for you, I’d look in the mirror. When it Raines, it pours. Good day General.”

Carmen was digging into an old box full of different clothes, having difficulty finding just the right size of pants with an appropriate clasp for the tail. “M, can you shift into his likeness? I want to see if this fits.” She holds up a longish pair of cargo capri shorts as M grunted in disgust. “No. I ain’t changing just so you can play fuckin dress up. You can wait till he fuckin finishes his shower.” She puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head. She looks at the pants again and sets them aside, looking for another pair. “I could just go out shopping for some pairs but I don’t know his exact size.. and for that he may need to come with to try some on” She grabbed two other pair and started her way to the bathroom Kiros was at.

“Why are we even doing this again? He’s his own person, shouldnt we, ya know, let him loose upon the world?” M gruffed, lighting a cigarette, leaning on the wall by the bathroom, hearing the water run. Carmen pulled out the cigarette from his mouth and snapped it, dropping it and stepping on it. “Because its the right thing to do! How would you feel if you were helpless and wounded and naked, and just set upon the world of modern technology and whatnot. Its not the dark ages, M. And besides, less than 24 hours ago you wanted him as a pet! You insisted on naming him ‘The Most Distinguished of names!’, am I wrong?” M pinned back his ears, “Well how was I supposed ta know he wasn’t a fuckin pet!” Carmen gave a slow turn of the head towards the changeling, who was busy lighting another cigarette. “He was a fucking Level KETER, M! You picked him out SPECIFICALLY because he was a keter! What in your swiss cheese bug brain made you think ‘Oh I’m going to get the most destructive thing at this secret facility and name it Mister Nibblesworth Marshmallow Teaparty Sprinkles McJoy?!’ Seriously?!” She fumed, not noticing the water sound had turned off.

“You know what? I’m gonna tell him. He deserves to know what a distinguished name you were going to give your dear deadly puppy!” She grins, as M protests, “Aw come on Red.. he really doesn’t need to know. Its really not that big of a deal! I mean really!! You know what? I’ll model the pants fer ya.. ok?” The door opens, and just clad in a towel, using another to towel his neck and head, Kiros steps out, “Actually, I feel like I would have been more of a Sir Fluffington. But thats just my opinion..” Carmen gave a surprised squeak since she didnt expect him to exit the bathroom so suddenly. She offered the pairs of pants to him, “I’m so sorry! I mean, I was just saying about the names.. I didnt..” Kiros put a finger to her lips, “I know, why do you think I attacked him in the first place?” She pulled his hand away with a confused look, “You mean it wasn’t because M startled you awake by scrubbing your ass?” Kiros laughed deeply, “Oh that didnt help the situation but I was not in a position to exactly complain. That acid was no joke.” He paused with a smirk, “Although, I admit I did enjoy the view when I opened my eyes to a very… plush welcome.” His eyes lowered to her chest and back to her bright red face.

She sucked on her cheek for a moment, looking away, “Well… Nothing in your file said you were sentient! And I had to get to an area to clean which a normal feral animal would not have complained or got horny by my methods!” Kiros groaned about his file, rubbing the back of his neck, “There are certainly no complaints here. But yeah, admittedly those assholes are a bit blackout happy with their permanent markers over there. Cant even take a shit there without someone redacting what color it was.” Carmen chuckled, brushing a piece of hair up behind her ear. “Those redactions didn’t make our job easier either, with the whole last minute room change. Something about decayed equipment?” M snorted, “I’m telling ya, he was the one who did it! Those claws literally leak out decay! I mean, look at his handiwork on my fuckin shoulder!” He moves the bandages away to show freshly healed scars that still had a bit of green healing glow to them, fighting off any lingering decay. Kiros looked closer at the marks he had made on M. “Wait, I did that, and you’re not dead? I know I can make some materials decay but this.. are.. you healing yourself?”

M pulls his bandages and shirt back up, buttoning the buttons halfway, “Observant. Did you also notice that I just about kicked your ass too?!” Kiros raised an eyebrow. “I noticed I didnt even have a single bruise from you. Yet you received plenty of scars from me.” Carmen snrked, and patted M, “Its ok, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time for a rematch. Kiros will be staying here for the foreseeable future anyway. At least as long as he wants to. It’s not like we don’t have the room.”

After a quick change for Kiros, he joined Carmen into the kitchen, the mare already setting out ingredients to a hearty stew. She set a slab of chuck roast onto the cutting board and started to expertly trim and dice it. “You’re pretty handy with a knife, for a thief. And pretty comfortable around meat for an equine..” Kiros mused, merely observing her. She smirked, “I travelled quite a lot and sometimes a vegetarian diet was not always available to me. Besides, the foreign street foods smelled too good not to try! Mmm.. I really need to get some takoyaki again!” She waved the knife around, though safely, as she talked. She had a habit of talking with her hands. “What about you? Are you a pure carnivore or pretty much an everything kind of guy?” Kiros chuckled, “As a WolfDragon, I do like pretty much anything, though I prefer cooked meats. I won’t say no to something so deliciously prepared. I have been fed raw meats thanks to the assholes at the facility, so I’m thankful for any civilized meal.” She braised the meat in the caramelized and browned aromatics of the garlic, onion and peppers, the scent wafting through the room. She looked over her shoulder at him while she cooked, he was looking a whole lot better than what condition they found him in. He looked fully healed in just a few short hours! He was covered in black fur with red markings, ink black hair, the draconic scales were patterned on his limbs, joints and spine. Wolf-like head with a few draconic features such as horns and some nose ridge scales, he looked rather friendly rather than fearsome, although Carmen could see how he could look absolutely vicious when need be. “I’m happy to cook as long as I have some help or if I’m not too tired! Speaking of help, you’re looking a whole lot better! I’m glad! I was kind of worried if the SCP scientists went too far.” Kiros grew a bit silent, idly fidgeting with a bunch of bananas, “No, they never got far enough to be considered too far for them. They tried to find ways to kill me but they haven’t found any yet. I’ve had worse than today. I’m not in any rush to go back and try again.” Carmen waved a wooden spoon at him, “Good, because you’re not going back! If we do, its to rescue anything there that may be a friend of yours.” He lifts his head a moment, “There is one friend, I haven’t spoken to it in a long while though. SCP-079. An ai built in the 70’s. We shared many personal stories while contained together once. That would be the closest thing I had to a friend while in containment.” Carmen smiles, finishing the stew and putting the lid on the pot to let it simmer. “Then we can plan to get your friend out whenever you are wanting. If its an ai, we can house it in a larger computer with much more memory, and see how it settles.” Kiros smiled, feeling optimistic for once. Maybe things are looking up.

And things did look up. Spirits lifted and personalities melded well with each other, even with Marehem. Asta’s husband, Ninoga, even got in the habit of coming over to hang out, he politely declined to offer to be an agent, he just claims to be there for the food. Soon time seemed to fly by, small heists were made to keep up appearances in the public eye while Carmen had her background hobby of trying to gain more clues as to why it all this whole issue started. There wasn’t many clue to go by but she did notice that on some of the heists, there have been minor setbacks, and they were increasing in numbers. She has even been in the new habit of double and triple checking equipment the night before and the day of the heist.

Months turned into years, and soon Carmen noticed some grey hairs starting to form in wide streaks in her reddish brown hair, framing her face. Not entirely pleased at the obvious sign of aging, she had managed to style it so it still looked very attractive. That very morning, she decided to wear a white turtleneck top and wide leg red office pants. She gathered some books and a couple of letters she had written. She made it a habit to send her children letters even if she knew they would not be able to read them right away. By now though, she was sure they could enjoy what she had written to them. She silently lamented that they could never send letters back, they never were told where she was for obvious reasons.

She had used a new form of transport that her agents have been working on with the help of SCP-079 that made use of the internet and a makeshift portal. The results have been…okay. She didn’t rely on it too much due to the instability to keep the portal open. But she wanted to use it today. She appeared in a small alleyway in Paris, just outside her favorite cafe. She checked her watch, and saw the postman cycled by right on time. “Bonjour Monsieur Pierre! *how are you on this wonderful morning?* she spoke in fluent french. The postman grinned and tipped his hat, “Mademoiselle Carmen! *Always a pleasure to see your shining face! Have you got the letters for me to send?*” she smiled and handed him the two letters, “*As always, my friend! Thank you so much for always taking care of such precious cargo.*” he tucked the letters into his satchel and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “*I will make sure they get to your sweet little ones! As I always do!”* With that he had set off on his bicycle down the road, weaving in and out of traffic expertly..

Carmen settled at a sidewalk table and ordered herself a pastry and a coffee, opening a book to read for an hour or so. She enjoyed the slight bustle of shoppers and tourists. She set down her book and placed her purple glasses on the page. She sips her coffee and bumped her hand upon setting it back down. A small slightly wrinkled letter had been tossed onto her book. She looked around to see what she bumped into and noticed some drips from her spilt coffee, only farther away from the table. She grabbed her glasses, tapped the side frame, looked around and saw a small crouched figure by the topiary in her heat signature vision. She looks over the rims and notices the shape of the small individual move like it was painted like the background. Not fully invisible. The figure opened his eyes, a familiar set of a bright blue and a bright pink eye met her gaze, making her gasp softly

[underratedandoverit]

The Simplest Of Things

~1,9k words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian), can be read as gen

takes place in immortal fears/belt corruption au. this will most likely end up being canon at some point, but for now have it as a separate piece. apparently i originally wrote this like a month and a half ago, but just didnt like it enough so i never bothered with it, tho reading through it now its not so bad so.. you can finally have it

theres a lot of thoughts between these two about one another pre-relationship especially during the healing arcs that i'd like to explore a lot more, the problem being its so far into the story its gonna take a while for me to actually get there so. thats why this exist. first of probably many like this

its fluffy, maybe tad angsty cause kip is just like that, but yeah. a little bit of insight on the feelings he has in immortal fears, especially at the beginning of the healing arc. yay (i also wanted to write a followup to this, sssooo maybe that'll happen somewhere down the line? who knows, i just know kip has a lot of feelings already lmao)

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate @ss-trashboat

---------------------------

Kip slowly came to, becoming aware of his surroundings little by little. The surprisingly soft pillow under his head felt odd, him having no memory when he had actually fallen asleep in the bed last time, let alone seemingly having slept like this. He could feel the blanket wrapped around him and the mattress beneath him, definitely confirming that Kip was in bed, not on the couch or the floor or wherever he ended up passing out for the night when the exhaustion became too much for him to bear.

Kip really couldn’t point out the last time it felt like he had slept the whole night. The past few weeks, maybe months at this point, had been almost like a coin flip on how his nights would go when he got to bed, and most often he had flipped tails on that bet. Tossing and turning through the darkness, if he managed to get some shuteye it was very fast replaced with nightmares that kept plaguing him until he was forcefully pulled back into the real world, leaving Kip restless night after night.

The rare times he had managed to actually sleep, it had still been restless, thankfully often without terrifying nightmares at least, but it still wasn’t much, and definitely not enough like he needed. Most often Kip just passed out somewhere during the day for small power naps, although that habit was also definitely having an effect on his already faltering health, that only good, regular, full nights sleep would really be able to fix.

Kip sighed quietly, burying his head deeper into the pillow. If he was already this comfortable, he was definitely able to fall back asleep and get some more rest now that it seemed like he was actually able to do it, right? Who cared what time of the day it was, he didn’t have anything to do or anywhere to go to. He was on a medical leave and uncleared for work for an undecided amount of time right now, or at least so he had been told, so as far as Kip was concerned, he could just sleep the day away now that he could and not worry about it at the moment.

And then he felt the arm draped over his midsection, underneath the blanket.

As he became aware of the odd sensation of someone invading his personal space, Kip finally opened his eyes, taking a moment to adjust to the surprisingly bright room. He couldn’t tell what time it was, the darkened curtains always made that part very difficult for him when he woke up in this particular room that had been designated as his bedroom, but it was probably a safe bet to say they were somewhere in the morning hours. Not that it really mattered, as Kip’s attention was immediately on the familiar blond fast asleep on the other side of the bed.

Frozen in place Kip’s eyes widened at the sight of Cassidy, trying to find a logical explanation for all of this. Kip didn’t remember how they ended up here, he didn’t even remember how he had gotten to bed if he was being honest. The part that made sense was the one that Cassidy lived with him now so it wasn’t odd to find him in the same space as him, the other man having taken it into his own hands to make sure Kip was making it out alive and in one piece in his current state that he had explained was the aftermath of being the International champion.

Kip wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by that, but everything he had gone through the past few weeks since losing the title – the nightmares, the dark thoughts, the hazy days, the sleepless nights and everything in between – were as Cassidy described to him, giving some sort of believable foundation to what he was talking about. He didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle together to make everything make sense, and to be honest Cassidy hadn’t pushed it on him either, just giving Kip a little to work with when he needed explanations why things hurt. Why he couldn’t sleep. Why he was exhausted. Why he had energy one day but couldn’t get himself to even sit up without help the other.

The help… That was the big thing for him. Kip, wanting to be the independent one he had been as a champion, had none of that anymore. Everything was a chore, he could barely stand by himself on some days. During the times he had held the title, things out of his control had happened and people that he had once been close with were gone. He had no one left.

Except for the one man he didn’t want in his life, that had ruined all this for him, but who was also the one that was making the most sense out of everyone around him in Kip’s current state of being. The man he had self-appointed as his arch nemesis.

Orange Cassidy.

And now he was there. Fast asleep next to him in bed, one arm lazily thrown over him. Without any explanation in Kip’s mind how they had gotten there, or what had happened the night before.

The questions and the panic was so obvious in him, and yet… He couldn’t do anything about the situation. He couldn’t move, or more accurately, he didn’t want to.

Kip was afraid that him trying to get away from this position was going to disrupt the clearly peaceful sleep that Cassidy was getting.

Before this moment Kip hadn’t really thought about it, being way more in his own dark mind than anything else, but this had to have some kind of effect on Cassidy as well. He was the only one always around to take care of Kip, he was the one always there making sure he had something to eat, to drink, and got at least some rest when it was possible. Cassidy was surprisingly patient with him, something Kip hadn’t expected after everything they had gone through in the past. They were supposed to be enemies, and yet the blond was treating him like an equal, if not more, since he was basically a sole caretaker of Kip’s at this point.

Biting his lip, Kip carefully slid his arm out from under the blanket, without thinking much reaching for Cassidy’s face, gently brushing a coil of his hair away from his face, running a hand through his hair a little. There was something mesmerizing to see him this peaceful, as Kip hadn’t really had a chance to witness that between either rivaling him, him being a champion while Cassidy disappeared from television, and then all of this which left Kip far less aware of his surroundings most of the time. To be honest, he was kind of surprised he even understood that it was Cassidy that was here for him, out of all the possible people. How he hadn’t stopped to even think about it before, Kip really had no idea.

He was so deep in his own thoughts that Kip didn’t notice the results of his actions, only after a groggy Cassidy took a hold of his hand that was still gently tugging on his hair and Kip got face to face with a soft pair of blue eyes, he realized where they were at.

“Morning.”

His voice was so quiet Kip barely registered it, he wasn’t sure if Cassidy was just hoarse from the sleep or if he wanted to avoid loud noises in his presence, knowing them to sometimes be triggers for headaches or anxiety or what have you when Kip wasn’t in his best condition. Kip just blinked at him a few times, feeling the words stuck in his throat. He desperately wanted, he needed, to ask what had happened that led them here, face to face in bed like this, when he couldn’t remember a damn thing from last night.

As Kip didn’t reply to him, Cassidy stirred a little bit more on his spot, the arm disappearing from Kip’s hip as he retreated it away, Cassidy using it to prop himself up and into a sitting position on the bed. Kip breath in a quiet sigh of relief noticing the blond was at least fully clothed, this ruling out at least one option about last night, and then Kip pushed that thought away from his mind as fast as it had appeared, without wanting to even question it why he had thought about it in the first place.

The blush making its way on his face at the thought though was probably very obvious as Cassidy raised a brow at him, rubbing his eyes a little to wake himself up.

“You okay? You don’t look well.”

Kip wasn’t sure if Cassidy was genuinely worried and asking or if he was just teasing him, so Kip shook his head quickly, tossing over in the bed so he could hide his face from the blond better. “I’m fine!”

He could hear a soft snort from Cassidy. “Good to hear. You passed out on the couch last night so I thought you might be catching something. Did you at least sleep well?”

Kip shrugged his shoulders before he could stop himself, but he sighed. “…Yeah. Thanks.”

He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to hear any further explanations, this was all Kip needed at the moment. Whatever had happened after he had passed out downstairs was irrelevant, the key part was that he slept in his own bed and actually got enough rest to feel well rested for once after who knows how long of a time. How Cassidy fit into everything was not what he wanted to hear right now, probably not ever if he was being honest.

Kip could feel the bed move underneath him a little, before a soft hand ran through his hair quickly. He didn’t resist, but something about the touch felt comforting, as much as he hated it at the same time, knowing exactly who it was coming from. He just buried his head deeper onto the pillow again, feeling the bed shift a little again as Cassidy stood up.

As he walked to the door, the blond stopped, looking back at Kip who was peering at him just barely with half of his face buried into the pillow.

“I’m glad you were able to sleep. It’s been… A while since you got a full night's sleep last, I think.” Cassidy offered him a smile as he ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll make breakfast. Just come downstairs if you want any.”

As he opened the bedroom door and left the room, Kip had no intentions of following him. All of this was already so much to him, having to endure all of this first thing in the morning had thrown his brain into a loop that he didn’t want to start untangling right now by going downstairs to have breakfast with Cassidy after everything.

What he hated the most though, Kip thought as he pulled the blanket over his face with an annoyed groan as he was trying to shake the thought out of his head, was that the good night's sleep last night was most likely because of Cassidy.

And it was a thought he absolutely loathed with his entire being.

[xoluvx]

hello my loveeee! I was the one that had a little query i need some help on. Thank u for hearing me out, okay it’s a long one so STRAP IN (not the smut kind HAHA) alrighty Welp here goes

I’m in love. And I’m in love with someone I can’t have. Last year I met this girl, she’s way older than me and is already in a committed relationship for years. But anyway. I Met her at work, she originally trained me up to do my job and then we bumped into eachother at a convention. Since that day we became friends and regularly (monthly and sometimes weekly) planned to see eachother. Eventually she left her job and moved to another role in the organisation so I still got to see her. Anyway, then we did a big group activity with another friend of hers and I had another friend of mine, but i told her I missed her cos i didn’t get a chance to talk properly. AnywYs, few months go by, still the same stuff happening it’s going fine. Altho She had some serious health issues with her family earlier in the year and I told her I was there for her if she needed ANYTHING. And then July comes by. Man. I probably had one of the worst weeks in July, and I didn’t even tell her half of it. She didn’t even ONCE say “oh I’m so sorry to hear about this I hope you’re ok, or NOTHING”,. Eventually I updated her on one thing and she was like “you did good”. THE HECK? Then she made me a beanie (she loves to crochet) as a token of support. But after that? NOTHING. We’ve barely texted, our next organised day to see eachother isn’t till THE END OF OCTOBER AND I ASKED FOR OUR NEXT ACTIVITY DAY BACK IN THE MIDDLE OF AUGUST. ITS A TWO MONTH WAIT, R U KIDDING. And now she’s hanging out with the same friend we did our big group activity with along with her partner. She met this other friend before I came along and they’ve known eachother for years. And I’m VERY aware of it. Bht I get so jealous every time they post shit together because a year ago that was me. I just don’t understand where it all went wrong. I have one bad week and it’s like i always need to be happy otherwise I’m no ‘use’ to her. I’m barely in my 20s. She hasn’t even reached out to say she ‘misses me’ like she used to. Reciprocation is non existent.

’ve been so blinded by her, and fueled my fantasy of her that when i take the rose coloured glasses off i CANT Even fathom the true person she actually is. She’s still that person I was in awe of at the start, but picking up on things she says and does makes me raise eyebrows, and frankly it breaks my heart because it hurts so much. It hurts so so much. She played me like I’m a fool and I was so blindly infatuated with her. She was also really touchy felt too, we held hands and hugged all the time. I had never had that with a friend before.

She opened my eyes up to affection I had never had, i wrote her letters on her birthday, gave her gifts, chocolates and food. I had NEVER done that for anyone else that fast in my life. I even purposelfully made myself stay up late for her till 1-2am just so I could message her cos I knew she’d be up at that hour. And I’m so scared that I might be losing her after falling down the rabbit hole. Y’all I was so careful. I WAS SO SO CAREFUL AT THE START. BC I KNEW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO. And then she just drew me in only to spit me back out. And I feel awful. I feel like a dickhesd for falling in love with a girl that only broke my heart more. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get out of it.

Thanks for reading this, I’d love anyone’s advice and thoughts. I love you x

dear anon that fell in love with someone they can't have,

this was a doozy. when i tell you i went through every emotion-

first, this isn't your fault. you physically cannot control who you fall for. no matter how careful you are. especially considering this person led you on and made you feel like there might've been a chance at something more.

second, you have to set boundaries with this person. maybe that means cutting back on your monthly activities little by little.

i think everything happens for a reason and everything has a purpose in the longer scheme of life. some people are meant to just be in your life for a short time. it seems like this is the case. you shouldn't stall your life because of this person.

i know this is all so much easier said than done, but it's time to move on with your life even if it means leaving her in the past. your heart will heal, but you will never get those years you've spent pinning over a person who could care less about your well-being.

i love you. thank you for sharing with me and trusting me.

calling all my babies - additional advice is welcomed 💖

[runninguplenorahills]

You just love stealing peoples posts and ideas and not crediting them don't you??

I’ve been here for half a year and so it happens that I might repeat things that have already been said before by other people, without being aware of it. I’ve never stolen someone’s post before!! I’ve simply made the same observation! Just because there’s a time delay doesn’t mean I actually know about the other post!

I’m pretty sure this is about the El/Nancy ring parallel and I just wann say that as far as I know, I’ve been the first one to point out that El’s s4 ring and Nancy’s s1 ring look near identical!

That post of mine is from January and I’ve just today became aware of the fact that @bookfansworld has made a post about this already in November, though they’re actually talking about a different one of Nancy’s rings (one from s4). So while we came to the same conclusion, we did not even make the same observation!

In their post they also pointed out that El’s ring is a heart while I personally thought it was a circle, and now that I looked it up (literally about two hours ago) I observed that it’s neither. This is something I found out for myself today, so if that was already a widely known information in the byler tag due to someone else pointing it out way before me, I simply did not know that!

This is as if I would make people credit me for using the inverted buff dragon poster in their posts because as far as I now I’m the one who pointed out that it looks like the gay flag first! But just because I pointed it out first doesn’t mean everyone saw my post and it also doesn’t mean that no one can make that observation by themselves anymore! If someone were to post that exact inverted buff dragon poster today, who am I to tell them that they stole my post?? They probably don’t even know my post exists!!!

So, my dear anon, it is very rude to immediately assume that someone stole someone else’s post just because it includes the same observation (or the same conclusion). Stranger Things is a tv show and there are millions of people watching it! People are bound to make the same observations over and over again!

And I guarantee everyone, whenever I am aware of another blog pointing out something that I’m about to discuss, I always tag them or their post! For example @there-was-a-hole-here-itsgonenow once made an amazing post about the Japanese fan in Suzie’s room which inspired me to do my own and I of course tagged their post!! Or @aemiron-main has the most genius analyses and whenever I’m picking up on one of his posts I tag him as well! But this is only possible when I’m aware of someone’s post!! If I’m not aware of another post that points out the same thing that I’m about to point out with my own post, I naturally cannot tag it or the blog!

So if I should ever post something and you guys know a post that says the same thing/shows the same observation, tell me! Just leave a quick: “Hey Lenora, I just wanted to let you know that there’s this post by @/ and your post is very similar to theirs so you might wanna tag them.” because I will, guys! I will tag them once I’m aware their post exists!!