#and I have many and they sometimes contradict themselves but they coexist in my mind and should coexist in the fandom too

[worthyprnce]

gwaine had many hidden talents.

we all know about his amazing skills with swordfighting. a skill he learnt from watching knights and squires play and fight, from picking up fights even being too young to do that and during his many years traveling alone. he had to know how to defend himself and, most importantly for him in the begging of his life, his mother and sister as well. but that's not all he knew.

growing up without his father to teach him the arts of sword fight, he learnt a lot from his mother and older sister instead. at seven he got tired of his clothes tearing up all the time, so he asked his mother to teach him how to sew. even after becoming a knight, gwaine took a few minutes to mend his own clothes whenever he could. he needed this time alone. at nine, his sister taught him about the language of flowers and how to dance. he did it for them. he used to steal flowers from luxurious gardens around to gift his mother and sister, and he always took them to dance, using any excuses to do it. he just loved it, and he loved to see them happy, not worrying about money or grieving for once.

at eleven he already knew how to steal food from the market without getting caught. and he was an excellent bargainer too. he was known by some as the child who stole valuable objects from distracted rich people and sold them at a lower price afterwords. robin hood style. it didn't take him too long to learn how to make his own dagger. courtesy of the local blacksmith who took pity on him and his family.

but most of his little secret talents he learned along his travels, wandering alone after leaving home at an early age. he learned to play the lute, to play cards, to steal by cheating playing cards, how to get easy money, how to impress a girl, how to impress a boy, how to whistle, to cook — although he was not actually good at it, just very practical. he knew french, a little latin, how to orient himself by the stars, how to bandage a wound by himself and what to do if it became infected, body anatomy (for medical and first aid reasons only. mostly), cut his own hair, trim his own beard, how to read maps, how to identify poisonous mushrooms, how to cut wood for fire, to swim, and many other little things.

but the hidden talent he was most proud of, was his drawing skills.

when he was around twenty, he once saw an elderly man struggling with a few home repairs he had, and decided to help him. as a return, the old man let him stay in his home for a few days. gwaine soon found out the man loved to draw. he had plenty of sketchbooks filled with many different portraits and landscapes, gwaine was in awe. seeing gwaine's genuine interest, the old man taught some basic and quick drawing principles, and gave gwaine a sketchbook and a pencil as a gift for all the help and company.

during his long years alone walking aimlessly around, gwaine used his sketches to immortalise every place he passed, every interesting person he met along the way, passions that made his heart beat differently, animals he helped save, taverns that served a good ale.

by the time he met merlin, his sketchbook pages were full of sketches of camelot, gaius' chambers, bottles of potions with funny names, little details inside the castle most people wouldn't even notice. but gwaine did.

he found himself making sketches of gwen with flowers in her hair, of arthur with the worst expression possible, of gaius with his usual worried face. but merlin was the main focus of his new drawings. every page had a sketch of merlin, doesn't matter how big or small.

and when gwaine was no longer in camelot, he realized his mind had never left merlin's room. he went back into drawing landscapes and taverns, but no other person were interesting enough. not when he once had merlin.

the pages of his sketchbook were getting boring and lifeless, not what they used to be before. but it seemed like they would come back to life whenever gwaine and merlin were together again. he had many sketches of merlin with white lillies around him, merlin's eyes shining as bright as they did the night gwaine confessed he was doing it all for him, wyverns, an old and dirty trident he had no idea what it actually was for but he liked the shape of it. even arthur made a comeback to his sketchbook.

when he was made prisoner by jarl, he lost all of his sketchbooks. everything inside his bag was stolen and discarded, and since gwaine's escape was rushed, he had no opportunity to try and find it. he lost it all, all the memories of his travels, the beautiful places he saw, the people he met, his early adventures with merlin. all lost. he had only his memory now.

after he became a knight he was reluctant to go back to his old hobby. still bitter about losing it all suddenly. but after getting to know his new friends better, and after he started to see merlin everyday, he couldn't resist.

he used every moment he had alone to draw. he loved drawing lancelot's hair. he had his fun giving leon extra curls. elyan, percival, and even lesser known knights and guards owned gwaine's sketchbook pages.

but his muse was always merlin. drawing merlin was like muscle memory for him. he would be lying if he said he never lost himself in his own thoughts while admiring merlin's features and carving them into his memory so he could draw him later.

his drawings were directly affected by his mood, so it was easy to know when he was angry or upset. but there was only one emotion showing whenever he drew merlin, and it was love. pure, powerful and unconditional love. sometimes a brokenhearted love. sometimes a melancholic love. and there were even the times he felt a certain kind of guilty love, a mixture of insecurity and uncertainty. but it was always love. and it was always merlin.

the first sketch he made after getting back to draw was a memory very dear to him of the first day he met merlin. he was smiling, looking at gwaine with hopes he would stay, begging him with his eyes and words for gwaine to stay in camelot with him. for him. whatever his reason was, he wanted gwaine close, and gwaine remembered those eyes and words very clearly.

his last sketch was also one he made of merlin. he was smiling as he held gwaine's hand. just before he was the one leaving gwaine this time. and even though gwaine had his eyes blurred by tears, he made his best to register merlin in his pages one more time, one last time, forever.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Ok there hasn't been much aside from a magazine shot and some kinda confirmation, what are your thoughts on the protagonist of metaphor, 1 having their own backstory, and 2, apparently not being a fully silent protagonist? I ask bc I know some similar points come up with the p5 protagonist and eheheh I can guess how ya feel about that

Well I mean.......I'm fine with P2, P3, and Catherine, and those all fulfill either one or both criteria. TT0TT

P2 has a firm backstory for chars, and they speak/technically speak at some point.

P3 they have a firm backstory that plays into the main plot later (P3/4MCs have the more varied personality tho).

And Vincent.....alksfjdkjff Vincent is self explanatory, but one of the best examples of a voiced MC who's personality can greatly differ from the sliding law/chaos scale as make certain choices.

Hell, Serph from DDS1, I thought he could totally be voiced during those dialogue choice scenes. Was kinda let down they didn't even though I found the opportunity to be right there!

So like I don't mind a silent MC, I don't mind a silent MC with a backstory, I don't mind a silent MC with a vague/small backstory, I don't mind a voice MC, I don't mind a voiced MC with a backstory, I don't mind a voiced MC with a vauge/small backstory.

As long as they handle it well I'm good.

(now for the P5 rant uwu, oh you know it was coming)

My issue with P5 is......contradictions. I'm really suppose to believe that the boy who saved a woman he didn't know, would try to creep on (at best) a sex worker/maid? (at worst the undertones of possible sexual assault esp with two other guys hiding in the same room really......makes my skin crawl, I know that's not their intention, but god could you imagine being Sadayo for a minute???? it's already bad enough it's her STUDENT! And now she has to figure out if it's intentional or not, but if she knew about the two hiding???? I'd freak).

I'm supposed to believe he is cool with creeping on his female friends (it's not about being horny, it's the fact they don't keep it to themselves it really isn't that hard)? He'd stand bye and allow Ryu to creep on them and make pervy plans that involved the girls? That'd he'd say he's "so jealous" when he sees a fake Anne on Kamo's arm?

It just doesn't add up. It's either "we put it in there for shits and giggles but yeah it doesn't make sense for his char," OR worse yet.....they do coexist and Joker is actually a piece of shit with a fucked moral compass. (which the latter COULD BE interesting, but it's never explored so :'D can't really argue it being a good writing choice).

Like shit, let's ignore his established character moment and backstory and focus on Anne/Ryuji. What bothered me was......these two are his ride or die. They had his back and he had their back. Ryu tried to protect him with his life after just meeting him. Anne put her trust in him, and pushed him to become Joker. Like if Ryu is the reason formed the group PT. Anne's the reason Joker pursued being a PT in the first place (she gave him the push he needed).

....yet the game gives you a biiiit too many opportunities to shit on them???? Sometimes it's not even optional! Like the dialogue choices are all somehow negative towards them at times and it's like???? Why???? I can maybe get Yusuke, but then he joins! But nooooo no 100% negative option for Makoto, even tho she drives off one of your leads! (tbh I think that's the starting point the game even calms down on Anne/Ryuji choices too). But really??? Why am I fine leaving Ryu alone with two harassers??? Why do I treat them like this? If there are two chars that the MC should go to bat for regardless, it should be Anne/Ryuji.

Just....why? Why? Can't I have a choice where I 100% agree with them? I don't care if they are in the wrong, I don't care if they thing 2+2=7. Let me talk them up!

It's like the opposite of the Junpei/P3MCs issue. I can't buy a friendship between Junepei and P3MC because I don't see them develop as friends in the main story (and I don't get even a side story/SL with him). I have a hard time stomaching parts of Junpei/FeMC friendship (but reverse), because even I can easily see them as friends, he still acts all pissy! And you'd think that'd damage their relationship.

Now replace Junpei with P5MC, and P3MCs with Anne/Ryuji/*insert other char* and I have the same issue. It's not about "I don't want people kissing MCs asses all the time" it's not about kissing ass, it's about making sure they feel like they are actually friends when the game tells me they are. TT0TT

Between that and.....P5MC.....feeling like they WANTED to write a more concrete MC BUT felt compelled to make him silent.....I think hurts his writing more.

One benefit for the P3/4MCs is the diversity in personalities it created with the different choices (of course you can easily make contradictions, but those contradictions are PLAYER BASED rather than STORY/GAME BASED like P5). Esp between the good endings vs the bad endings.

I can buy P3MCs choosing ignorance and killing Ryoji, because of the meaning of SLs, ignoring them, or doing them and being absolutely HORRIBLE and reversing/breaking them (male side). FeMC it's more ignoring them and her just smiling hollowly.

P4MC I can see giving into the bad ending or even the accomplice ending for the most part. Esp if they choose to ignore SLs, be an ass/loner when possible, and be as unhelpful in the investigation as possible as well. Considering he still hangs out with his friends outside SLs, him still being horrified by what he's done and not 100% evil in the accomplice ending still makes sense. (needs some tweaking but still makes sense)

But P5MC? Giving into Yaldy? I dunno. I can kinda see it, he does insult his friends at times (reason why? who knows! is he jaded because of his arrest? Maybe? But his friends are also outcasts too??? At least with P3/4MCs it can be played off as loners right out the gate who get wrapped up in shenanigans. P5MC? he's deliberately giving motivation by his first friends and his strong sense of justice so????? doesn't that contradict????). The only thing that seems to foreshadow this ending decently is him saying some greedy and outta pocket/"sinful" things.....at times. Like I've said before, it's contradictory. Wishy washy!

At least with P3/4MCs, the fun times they experience could be explained by they are faking it (either emulating emotions for P3MCs and are still hollow inside/fear death, or hiding their true intentions for P4MC aka for the accomplice ending). Hell! P4 even puts the idea in the players head by Shadow Yosuke that Yosuke is only looking into this case cause it's "fun" and "to play hero" and maybe P4MC is doing just that (in P4G at least). Otherwise the "fail" ending for P4MC doesn't really have any personality contradictions, you just fail to see the truth and/or convince the others.

P5/P5MC relies on a moral choice of the MC (chosen by the player). But the MC himself has a lot of set personality traits and said choice contradicts the majority/prominent/establishing traits (compared to the minor ones that align with that choice but contradict the establishing traits). It just feels....weird.....

Like it's not allowed to breathe. Joker isn't open-ended enough like P3/4MCs to rationalize the bad ending. But he's also not concrete enough to stay consistent and just stick with set ending.

If P5MC was written more like the approach they took to Vincent, that might've helped it.

Cause Vincent (looking at just Catherine Classic for this btw, but I think it also applies to FB just a few more hoops) can be Loyal/Neutral/Cheater without too much contradictions.

He's already shaky on his stance, and is unsure of himself (maybe a bit flighty and changes his opinion on things)

He is thrusted into a situation he had no control over (he does start off as loyal leaning so it's most likely a situation he wouldn't have ever found himself in if he wasn't targeted)

That incident causes him to change via reevaluating his outlook on life. From his choices in dialogue, to the questions in the confession. Those small choices affect his psyche and causes him to constantly change

With each change to his psyche, we see a new rationalization pop into his head.

Every ending rationalizes each thing, even the ones that contradict (aka the bad endings).

Yes it's the players choice, but 99% of the options feel within reason. And not just within reason, they are rationalized.

Basically what I'm saying is P5 needs to rationalize it. Either by making P5MC MORE openended like P3/4MCs....or make him more into a fixed character like Vincent but give different rationalizations as you make choices.

Back to Refan, as long as it handles itself well and isn't wishy washy or contradictory, I'm fine with however they wanna handle the MC. Silent or not. TT0TT

[onegirllis]

Since Life is Strange 2 is finally fully released, I let myself to write a probably not-so-short review of the complete season. The momentum for such a summary is already gone I presume but it took me a moment to finally digest and find the proper words to describe what I think and feel about this production. Following the game from the start, I patiently waited to look at the story as a whole, hoping to find an explanation for tons of burning questions and satisfying outcomes to my choices and decisions. Unfortunately, most of those didn’t happen, therefore I present you with a piece that is not very favorable towards the newest Dontnod production, harsh in places but honest. Please, do not read if you really enjoyed the story of the two brothers and find it meaningful and important, not burdened with any fallacy. Life is way too short to read reviews that just leave you frustrated.

Remember the scene in Life is Strange season one (I still hate the fact that I have to separate different instances of the franchise calling them seasons), when Max summoned by an enormous plasma TV in Victoria’s room fantasizes about watching “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within” on it? “I like this movie, I don’t care what everybody says,” getting protective about her preferences, the little freckle leaves the room soon after, never gifting us with any explanation as to why she indeed values this animation so much or why it was an important statement. It was never brought back again, it will never matter, becoming simply a meme material or a trigger for snarky comments from Twitch streamers and YouTubers. I watched the said movie a long time ago, recalling only two things about it: the breathtaking animation of hair at the beginning and the fact that the main male character looked like Ben Affleck. The rest of the story fell into obscurity before the end credits hit the screen. I reached for this title only because I was interested in anything video games related, and the name of the popular franchise was more than enough.

The same thing goes for Life is Strange 2.

Just like the mentioned FF: The Spirits Within, the second instance of the beloved series is more of an animation than an interactive experience. Recently, plenty of video games, overwhelmed by finally reachable technology of smooth mocaps, facial expressions, hyper-realistic locations, and scanned people as characters, turned into an alley dedicated to B-class movies. From adventures by David Cage to Death Stranding, video games started to flip their working template, replacing the actual action with long animations, not the other way around. With scattered gameplay, sometimes forced as if the developers reminded themselves at the last minute that this product is supposed to be interactive, they raise an eyebrow at best, and boil your blood with the lack of creativity at its worst. Life Is Strange 2 follows this trend with astonishing enthusiasm and to the core. Even regarding this particular genre that’s supposed to focus on narrative, it barely stands as a walking simulator becoming a hardly watchable TV series — a road trip story where walking is limited.

Well, shit.

The gameplay in Life is Strange 2 is nonexistent. To be frank, riveting action-packed sequences were never a trademark of the series, but a blatant lack of any didn’t make this experience any better. With the first one, the rewind power allowed the player to actually be part of the narrative. The second, where Sean just serves as a witness to his brother’s actions, plays more like a full motion picture. An enormous amount of un-skippable cut-scenes change LIS2 into a tedious, dragging journey straight from the worst selection of buy 1 get 3 free Z-class movies. The music and the mastery in creating an atmosphere that rose Dontnod to international fame due to widespread acclaim can’t save those sequences either. It almost feels like their own creation so enchanted the development team that they ignored all the red flags and clumsy solutions to immerse in the world themselves, treating the actual player as a lesser evil, throwing them a bone just to claim it is a video game format. To no surprise, most of the items the player interacts with don’t matter at all and don’t serve any purpose either to foreshadow an upcoming outcome, present exposition to the world, or be in any way helpful.

The lack of superpower is not an issue here though. Before the Storm met the expectations with way more grace, proving that a story doesn’t need a lot of strange in life to grip and hold its audience for hours. Watching a superhero growing up is an interesting premise, but a hell of a challenge to execute and execute well. Some stories like “Little Man Tate” translate to a brilliant film, but don’t necessarily work as games, after the planning stage or first Game Design Document. The references regarding the first game also remain scattered and uneven, tossed on the pile with a heap of faith that devoted fans would notice, but without a purpose in mind.

Even if I sound harsh, I do believe that Dontnod wanted to deliver the best story possible, but Life is Strange 2 feels even too big to absorb or fill with details. Captain Spirit, not necessarily my cup of tea either, was in my opinion way more coherent, as the creative team felt more comfortable with such a small scope of a product. Everything falls into place after careful exploration, makes more sense with every minute. The mystery about the mother, an alumnus of Blackwell Academy, and an admirer of Jefferson’s work is a solid premise that didn’t raise expectations up the roof nor overpromise. The mystery of yet another mother, this time Life is Strange 2, played for over 3 and a half episodes, falls flat in comparison and ends in the disappointing question “that’s it?”

No, that’s not it. There’s more to it.

Life is Strange 1 was mocked as Tumblr: The Game, while the second instance could easily pass as Twitter: The Animated Series. The writers didn’t challenge themselves or the audience to answer the question of why certain people voted for Donald Trump, or why they would do it yet again. The only reason presented in the story is quite simplistic and obvious – because they are evil, deplorable people, not worth listening to. They are the worst. We are better. Issues of being harangued by foreigners about domestic policies and troubles of your own country are a brewing can of worms I wouldn’t like to touch at the moment. Still, this particular stance, which serves as painful generalization that every single republican voter in the US is foul, can be forged only by someone who either lives in a bubble or doesn’t live here at all. Simply because we all have parents, grandparents, relatives, friends, or co-workers who decided to elect the actual prescient to power. Some of them are racists, disgusting, and horrible personas, and some just belong to the scared of change, confused and manipulated crowd that don’t accept the fast-paced transformation nor the need for a revolution. We coexist together, arguing and fighting, especially during holiday breaks, but even if it costs me a headache, I wouldn’t call them evil. Millions of people voted for Trump, but only a few wouldn’t spit on a swastika if confronted with the Nazi banner.

It’s even more painful when you understand what kind of message was sewed into the stitches of a shattered story. There was no ill will, or at least I don’t think so, but an honest, genuine need to express the concern about modern America. Unfortunately, when executed, this concern changed into another yell or discourse by the family table during an argument with your racist uncle. An open discussion in a game community that unifies both left and right supporters equally by their love for this form of entertainment would be appreciated by many, just like after playing LIS1, a handful of people changed their views on LGBT issues.

Instead of a lesson that had to be experienced, we got a lecture about morality and tolerance, contradicting itself constantly and nonchalantly following the well-known tropes NOT in a sarcastic and admirable way known from Saturday Night Live, but in a lazy and sometimes even clumsy substitute of a dramatic format. The political landscape painted in LIS2 is caricatural, unforgiving, harsh like a deserted wasteland with a few peaceful oases to stop at, but shies over its own existence, not willing to thoroughly discuss the dreadful weather. Guess what? The sand won’t change into greener pastures only because you close your eyes, putting your imagination to work. Donald Trump might not be re-elected for a second term, but his supporters will stay in place, even more conflicted by the other side. It’s a brave decision to deliver such a punitive story but such a cowardice to break its pillars, hoping that the general public wouldn’t notice or get distracted when things get too heated up.

The lack of subtlety forced scene by scene is even more polarizing. There is no peaceful dialogue with the other side as if it couldn’t exist in this world. There is no change of heart or a path to do so. Sometimes it feels like the only message that LIS2 writers wanted to provide was to find your own, peaceful and liberal hermitage, either among hipsters in the Redwood forest, driving a car that your ‘family with money but no soul’ had bought you or move to a trailer park filled with artistic souls in Nowhere, Arizona. Any contact with the outside world can hurt you and your feelings. Drop off the grid or die. The end.

No discussion.

The efforts of trying to understand the motivation behind even the most dreadful character of the first game, got lost in preparation for the second. LIS2 builds a higher wall between two political sides, than any other game released after Trump became the president of the United States and desperately wants to keep it erected, ignoring the crumbling foundations of such. A proverbial river you shall not cross nor build bridges over since the only outcome would end up in death, destruction, or you and your young brother getting hurt.

I’m familiar with the discussion about LIS2, especially with a shouting match that if you do not like this instance, you are therefore a racist pig, a disgusting person without a soul, conscience, or working brain that doesn’t understand the situation and never will. On the contrary. In my humble opinion, we deserve a better discussion, better stories, better representation, not sticking to whatever is presented because it’s brave enough or was never approached before. I disagree with the stance that a Latino, bisexual main character is enough to close your eyes, omitting all problems that this title tries to shun, riding its high horse. No. Those topics are way too crucial to just walk past, setting for less with your head down, thanking for the game industry to take notice. You the player deserve better, even if you don’t struggle with specific issues on a daily basis. And after playing LIS2, you may feel so good about yourself, stating that an effort was made but it it wasn’t made enough.

I expected more. I wanted Dontnod to do more, and frankly, I feel silly putting so much faith in them and supporting their efforts. Armed with resources provided by Square Enix, I’m sure they are aware of the fact that most of their audience is quite young and wouldn’t mind a lesson or message about what to do amidst troubled times. Well, Dontnod doesn’t have any but warns you that voicing your opinion or being different may end up in disaster. Outraged, they just yell at the news, angry about what our reality has changed into, but nothing comes out of it. It’s all right, though. Our parents do the same thing. We started to do the same thing, but instead of complaining to family members, we have Twitter.

While Life is Strange 2 tries really hard to come across as a realistic and raw portrait of the US at the end of the decade, they didn’t have enough courage to show realistic obstacles two runaways would be faced with. The brothers do meet a handful of bigots and racists, but the rest of the fellow travelers help them beyond understanding or hidden agenda. Sean and Daniel never really struggle to find a place to stay or a warm meal, usually complaining on or off the screen just before the game mercifully provides them with a solution. There’s no trap they can fall into, no ambiguous characters that promise one thing and then demand something in return. It’s very honorable for Brody to pay for a place to stay, but if an adult man gave young kids a key to a motel room, I would consider a way more sinister outcome. It’s not even about Brody himself, since good people exist, just like the racist ones, but the boys not even once are put in a realistic, scary situation created by a supposed ally. If somebody is helpful, this person is always decent, offering them a job, a ride, some food or money. The bad people wear red hats and yell racist slurs. America by Dontnod is simple to navigate but raw and painful when not necessary and fairy-tale-like when it could teach an actual lesson. Running away from home is not so hazardous because of Trump supporters but because you can end up dead in a ravine, being robbed and raped. It’s not the first and surely not the last time when the developers feared to touch any topic of sexual abuse with a ten-foot pole, but then the journey plays more like a vacation than a desperate escape. Sean gets beaten-up a few times, loses his eye due to a brawl, but it doesn’t affect him at all in the long run. When Daniel finally gets kidnapped, it’s not an Epstein-like circle, dealing with human trafficking, but a religious cult that worships him. The first option, even if it feels like a stretch, is unfortunately way more realistic than the latter.

Preaching to the choir is not the biggest sin this game commits though. That brings me to the most discussed theme of the production, which is education.

With all due respect to the developers, writers, and designers, Life is Strange 2 in this aspect falls flat as a discovery of a Sunday father, who is responsible for taking his kid to the zoo and struggles to find any common ground with his offspring, either trying to crack jokes about famous pop-culture phenomena or talk about food discussing their next favorite meal. The said father is trying his best though, perfectly aware that it’s his only chance to teach his son a thing or two, but doesn’t know exactly where to start, torn apart between buying more ice cream and throwing a fit about a stain on the carpet. The father doesn’t even like kids that much and can’t translate his lessons into an engaging play that would be memorized forever, rolling his eyes and counting the days to his kid’s graduation so they could share a beer or two and talk about adult things. Now, any effort to explain how the world works seems to be in vain, therefore a waste of his precious time. Leaving the emotional approach aside, the father doesn’t have to cuddle with his kid when he’s scared, bullied, traumatized or asks millions of questions about the future or present, because the full-time mother is waiting at home willing to replace him in this duty. The mother, knowing that her ex-partner sucks big time at talking about feelings, will be the one who will hold the kid, patiently explaining that the boogieman does not exist, playing pirates, or stay late at night to distract his sorrows. The kid will never discuss his fears with his dad though, trying so hard to impress his male parent. He will never know, and it’s fine. The mother is going to do the job while he can deliver a once a week entertainment along with the lines of ultimate wisdom that most likely will be forgotten anyway.

This is not raising a kid, it’s nursing them like a fragile plant in a flowerpot, focusing on water, sun, and fertilizer, but discarding the emotional background, hoping that somebody else would take care of such issues if things go south.

Sean can’t raise his brother well, simply because he is immature and will stay immature for the rest of the game. There is no moment when he truly goes through a transformation changing from a boy to a man, a fully grown-up adult who takes responsibility for his actions and makes sacrifices for the sake of the greater good. No, surrendering in a fight in the church doesn’t serve as one, neither does the first sexual experience. He doesn’t wonder even once if the hastily constructed plan is benefiting Daniel, forcing it to the last minutes of the game, taking the separation as the worst thing that could happen. There’s no spark of a tragedy like in “The Road” when a father gives up his son to strangers for the sake of saving him. Sean doesn’t care, presenting no character development across the board, merely pushing forward. If there are doubts, they disappear in the blink of an eye when the next cut-scene takes place.

I understand that such a young lad as Sean wouldn’t know how to raise a kid, especially if having no model to rely on. However, a part of growing pains is developing the awareness that we know way less than we assumed. That said, Sean Diaz is always assuming he is right, not asking for advice regarding Daniel even once. Apparently, it’s not something that he’s interested in or ever will be. If Life is Strange 2 wants to pass as a coming of age story, it falls on its face before it even starts.

Moreover, locked in the auto-driven plot, Sean cannot grow up and gain a new perspective; otherwise, the story wouldn’t reach its big, explosion-packed finale of crossing the border. His desperate efforts of influencing his brother usually converge to order him around, feed him with half-truths or simply leave him in the dark when convenient. I didn’t see any difference or change in Sean’s approach from episode one when he scolded his brother, annoyed for his party plans being interrupted, and in episode three, when he reacts similarly, for the sake of spending time alone with the chosen love interest. There’s no deep thought, no wonder about his own wrongdoings expressed to his brother, no faults admitted, no fallacies explained, with one life-threating situation after another. From an illegal weed growing farm, to destroying police stations, Sean just follows the road, paved by the writers, oblivious to the harm done to his younger sibling, as if Daniel simply forgets the morally gray choices, growing his moral spine entirely on performing chores. Washing the dishes and peeling potatoes does not make us better people but understanding a perspective so different than our own does. Thanks to Sean, Daniel expands his world, but it’s a very one-sided perspective, focusing on always praised, hippie-style liberties, and disregarding every option that requires any code of conduct, as represented by the grandparents. While the older brother forces the younger one to keep up with the designed tasks, he never discusses the issues that really matter. In episode 3, the youngster gets involved in a heist, a robbery, but after it fails, costing Sean his eye and the possible death of some of their companions, this is never mentioned. Mexico, a plan that is hardly a plan at all, is supposed to be an answer to all the questions and doubts. El Dorado of knowledge.

This is not how you raise a dog, not to mention a child.

There is no emotional bond, no special ties between the brothers, except a few problematic moments that play mostly on simple connection forged by blood, not by circumstances. Sean worries about Daniel because he’s his brother, but the player starts to wonder quite quickly why and what for. Reminiscing about old times gets nailed down to a few lines about the comforts and amenities of a life long gone. The tough topics, such as grieving after personally witnessing their father’s death, are mentioned scarcely and without much emphasis, as if serving only as a reminder to the player, but not a poignant struggle. Same goes with the dog, their friends mutilated at the end of the weed farm chapter, Chris (aka captain spirit) who is mentioned just before the end credits of the second episode, and tons of others. On top of it, the scattered and not so often dialogue lines about putting people in danger refer only to the good folk, siding with the brothers, not to humankind in general. Killing a police officer or knocking down a gas station owner are just natural ways of how things work in America, honorable deeds since it’s apparently perfectly fine for a kid to attempt a homicide if people are mean.

What a brave story.

Chloe Price had been suffering for five years after William, her beloved father, died in a car crash. For Sean and Daniel, there is no grief to experience, but a memory to share with a plan to erect a monument in the future. Esteban Diaz is a plot device, a symbol of inequality, but not a family member. Even a dream sequence with his guest appearance lacks the impact of the subconscious conversations we’ve seen in Before the Storm. It just simply doesn’t matter.

I can’t believe I have to say this but the relatable part about LIS1 wasn’t the tornado, just like in LIS2 crossing the border is its weakest point, but it’s those small moments, gestures, quick smiles in passing, the atmosphere and a breath of fresh air when a line, sometimes silly, got dropped. In the most recent story, there is not a single line worth quoting, memorizing, or discussing. And please, don’t bring up “awesome possum” again. It’s literally taken from The Lego Movie song.

The brothers, just like Thelma and Louise, decide to leave everything behind, throwing away the life as they knew it and forging their own future despite all odds. Although, when the two desperate women drive off the cliff committing suicide, chased by the armed forces, there is nothing to explain as the audience fully understands their reasoning. Their will of life was strong, but the path they followed was too steep to return. Without any help or support, confronted with brutal honesty and the world’s cruelty around them, it is the best possible solution. The story of the two brothers, even if it tries to echo the iconic movie, couldn’t be more different. Despite resources at their disposal, family members that do care about their wellbeing, the whole community rising in protest in their hometown, they risk everything for the sake of getting back to the land they don’t even know. Their Mexican heritage is also mentioned just as an exposition, and, as we learn in the very last episode, just before the ending that Daniel doesn’t speak Spanish. So why do the stubborn Diaz brothers despite all odds travel to Mexico? Because.

Canada was too close, I guess.

Last but not least, let’s talk about sex, because why the hell not. A lot of fans or admirers of the previous instances howled across all social media about how much they miss Max and Chloe. I don’t really think it’s the case, but those two girls symbolize something that LIS2 has a tremendous problem with. There’s no emotional connection between the characters the brothers meet along the way, especially the ones that really should matter. Even the love interests feel more like nagging choices than anything else, an experiment during a camping trip, not something that would last or could be fantasized about. Instead of nerve-wracking decisions such as if you’re supposed to kiss Rachel, hold her hand, or the ecstatic discovery (for PriceFielders, but it was ecstatic, right?) that Chloe changed her phone’s background, we are instead presented with a lineup of sexual experiences, that maybe trail-blaze the road when it comes to topics tackled by a video game, but fall into obscurity as an emotional construction. There is no build-up between Sean and Finn as everything develops to a kiss in one conversation, and Cassidy has fewer lines than Victoria Chase before she invites Sean to her tent. We watch it as we watched it before, trying to get attached, feel something, but the only thing we remember was how much it touched us years ago when we played a different game but with a similar title. The sex scene, relatable or not, is stripped from the emotional intimacy and is as sensitively challenging as a dog being killed.

Character development doesn’t move an inch even if Sean, a surrogate father to his brother, lost his virginity to an older girl. There’s no single thought in his head that he might conceive his own offspring during this short but probably memorable experience. There’s not a single line except for the satisfaction of some female parts finally discovered. Oh, dashing explorer, will you ever learn?

It’s sad. I did want to like this game and gave it plenty of chances like no other titles ever. I’ve made excuses for the poor execution, technical problems, with the whiny voice acting that was driving me up the wall, plot twists written (I think) on a lunch break, and so on, but I couldn’t stand it. It’s a hard pass when it comes to a video game in general, not to mention the story, script, and everything else. Life is Strange season one; a low-budget production, was the first step to create a masterpiece that LIS2 might’ve been able to become. The second season didn’t learn much from LIS1’s mistakes, additionally exchanging the well-known beauty for a garbage fire, ignoring all the warning signs along the way. Delivering a story that tackles such important topics, it slides between the checkmarks on the board of issues, mentioning conversion therapy, religion, gayness, illegal immigration, and a spiral of crimes but never elaborating on any of them. There is no meat and potatoes presented on the plate of events, but just a sticky, sweet gravy with nothing underneath that leaves you not only hungry but frustrated, willing to call the chef and yell at the waiter. The trick is that unless you were living under a rock, there are tons of other productions in different media that give those themes justice, carefully unfolding all the aspects, giving voice to both sides. The fact that it’s the first video game having an affair with serious issues doesn’t matter. I don’t believe that anybody who consumes any kind of other media like decent books, movies, or TV shows can remain blind to the problems of Life is Strange 2, claiming it to be a good story. It’s not.

So here we are, girls, boys, and beyond. Life is Strange 2 with its broken mechanics, story, characters, and spirit slowly but surely will be forgotten. It’s Dontnod’s Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within that you might love to watch or play on your brand-new TV, despite what everybody else would say, omitting any valid or invalid criticism, but unfortunately, it won’t change the general optics about this particular piece of media. A lost chance or recklessness created a convoluted mess and with a heart beating in the wrong place. You might praise Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, get excited about it since it’s a free world, free country (and even if it’s not, no one will take this ersatz of such liberty) and don’t let anybody tell you what to love. The problem is, that most likely the only thing that people will remember about this production is that the main male character looked like Ben Affleck and the hair animation was dope. Everything else won’t matter.

The same thing goes, unfortunately, for Life is Strange 2, subtitle: The Spirits Without.

[snugglyporos]

Okay ya’ll I have to rant for a good minute about the Fate series because my stupid autistic brain has been hyper focusing on it for the past four hours and I need to put these thoughts down or I’ll never get rid of them. 

I’m so... disappointed? frustrated? mad? Idk what I think. It’s all of these things to see such a great idea executed so awfully. So lazily. So incompetently. 

Because I can’t help constantly engaging with it and going ‘you know, this would be really good if they just did x.’ There’s so many monumental moments of stupidity that I can’t help but go ‘wow that’s dumb as hell.’

There’s a rule in fiction where the larger the stakes are, the more complex and unwieldy it gets, because it effects more things. That’s why usually the best fiction involves low stakes overall, or personal stakes, because you don’t need to then consider the cosmological complications of your story. Having a story that involves magic, time travel, secret organizations, multiple illuminati organizations on top of those, and countless other bullshit does not make for a coherent or compelling story. 

I’ve said before that one thing I hate is the idea of a ‘world organization.’ It’s lazy as hell. If Russia and China couldn’t get along when they were both communist, the idea that the entire world with all its varying ideologies and ethnic groups could be run by one group of people is nonsense. People can barely coexist with others like themselves. Furthermore, in our age of nationalism, the idea that say, China would have their top brass subserviant to western illumiati is stupid. It’s also stupid in the reverse. The idea that all of ANYTHING is ruled by one group of people is stupid and it makes you look lazy to write things like that.

Second, trying to put your story in the ‘real world’ or any image of it while claiming that all the world’s mages belong to one organization while ‘the church’ that runs all religions exists is stupid. It defies belief. It also wouldn’t be an issue if they weren’t dead set on trying to explain how this goes on in the ‘real world’. 

Also, apparently time travel exists. Also, all of human history was erased. Yet somehow they go back in time, and summon people from the future. You know, going back to a time that doesn’t exist, and summoning people from the future who haven’t been born yet, who also don’t exist. Time travel is ALWAYS stupid. It’s ALWAYS bad. Always. Because the core notions and questions that it brings up immediately reveal why it is stupid. Let’s say you sent one person back in time. If you witnessed it, and didn’t go with them, you should now not exist. Why? Because the act of something being somewhere that it wasn’t before creates a paradox. The only way it doesn’t is if the world you lived in is the same world where they went back in time, and that raises questions about fate and free will, and most authors simply aren’t interested in getting that metaphysical, and as such render their stories incredibly stupid. 

But! Let’s try, for the sake of arguement, to put aside all this nonsense. Does the core idea of the story make sense? Are there clear, defined rules? No! Nothing makes any goddamn sense. Apparently, magic exists, but then there are magic circuts, which aren’t explained. The rules about everything is not explained and is frequently contradicted. Example. Who can be summoned, and how? Sometimes, it’s anyone. Sometimes, it’s different versions of someone. Sometimes, it requires a piece attached to that someone. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes, where the person is summoned changes how powerful they are, and sometimes it doesn’t.

But they can’t even get their basic shit right. Example: is Dracula a vampire or is he not? Because the series can’t decide if it wants to allow people from history OR people from fiction to be summoned, it can’t decide if someone like Vlad III is undead or not. Are you going with the version of history where he was an insane, murderous, nationalistic king? Or are you going with the version from the story of Dracula, a work of fiction? You can’t have it both ways!

Here’s another example: can you summon gods or not? Heracles is summoned, and Heracles is a god. He was literally made into a god at the end of his own story. Even if you go ‘well, the version that people can summon is his non-god self from before the end’ he is still a demigod. Which means that you’re now getting into weird territory where it’s unclear who and what counts as someone who can be summoned.

But then you get into having to think about all the weird historical revisionism that the series plays with. Look, historical fiction can be fine. What I don’t understand is the series’ weird fixation with turning some of histories worst individuals into anime girls. You could certainly, for example, make a version of King Arthur where all the sexes are switched. Granted, a whole lot of the story wouldn’t work, because characters like Morgan Le Fay and Mordred no longer work in their story roles anymore. But you could, theoretically do it. 

What I don’t get is why the series says, ‘you know who we should depict as a kind and gentle anime babe? Nero.” You know, the Nero who kicked his pregnant wife to death, castrated a man and forced him to marry him, put on plays that people were forced to attend and then executed anyone who yawned or sneezed during his performances, and who built a private lake where the Colosseum now is, put a floating house on it, and had the ceiling have an accurate replica of the starry night sky using precious gems, only to then remark that ‘now I can live like a human being.’ Yeah, that Nero. Clearly, this just screams that we need to depict them as being a kind and gentle ruler, and not say, an unstable psychopath who sees himself as a literal god walking upon the earth. 

But that’s not even their worst offence. They turn Elizabeth Bathory into a pop idol. You know, one of histories worst serial killers? The person who had innocent women murdered and then bathed in their blood? Yes, clearly that is someone we should portray as an innocent girl. 

And it’s not like history is lacking in great women who did fantastic things. There are scores of heroines to choose from if you want to use them. You don’t need to pick serial killers and sex change the most insane emperors.

But even some of the ones they do pick don’t make sense. Why the fuck is Marie Antoinette considered a ‘heroic spirit?’ If we go by her in popular myth, she’s best known for something she didn’t say, which is ‘let them eat cake.’ Why the fuck did that mean ‘let’s make her someone who is entirely misunderstood and loves the peasants?’ Also, why a ‘rider’ and choose her for that because of her being pulled in a cart to her execution? The fuck?

It beggars belief. It utterly confounds the mind. It’s lazy, and its shoddy. Almost as shoddy as the notion of ‘classes’ which makes no sense and apparently has a heirarchy, which itself makes no sense if the whole point of having people fight is to decide something. Having people fight where someone gets an innately better class at random makes no sense. Hell, having classes at all makes no sense. Having it be okay for the things you summon to kill those who summoned them to win makes no sense, because if all you needed to do was kill each other, you don’t need heroes to do that! 

Hell, the fact that they’re fighting over the ‘holy grail’ and that it was made in japan is nonsense already. The holy grail is literally arthurian legend. I know japan gets a pass for this shit, but I don’t know why. Everyone rolls their eyes when they say that ancient egyptians look exactly like modern day japanese people, but apparently it’s also okay that they just straight up steal something from arthurian legend as a premise... and then entirely botch that premise or understanding anything ABOUT it. 

Here’s an idea. If you’re going to use the holy grail as your plot device, you know the thing Jesus drank out of at the last supper, maybe don’t then say that people can just make them all over the place? That’d be like if in the last crusade, all of the cups that Indiana Jones found were all capable of being the holy grail. It’s stupid.

Why is it so hard to just do something simple? You don’t need to overcomplicate this shit. Grab some characters who each want a thing they can’t have, have them be represented by some great hero, have them fight for that thing, and you’re done! You don’t need to bring time travel, the illuminati, nonsense magical rules, and metaphysical shit into this! 

Again, maybe the creators have no desire to do anything other than try and see how many awful historical people they can put boobs on. It’s starting to remind me of that book that went around a few years back where someone drew history’s greatest murderers as anime babes, so you could see guys like Stalin, Hitler, and Pol Pot as big tiddy anime girls. Why? Idk. 

But if the series wants to do that, if all it wants to do is wallow around in its own shit, it’s taking way too much time and effort trying to make up stupid nonsense. It’s just so frustrating and disappointing to see an idea with such promise be farted away by people who clearly do not give a shit about what they’re making in the slightest. It’s a damn shame.

[hayleycanalscapstoneblog]

Why does nobody want to work anymore?

Pete Shurba, co-owner of Capone’s Pizza answers the phone as a part of the hosting duties he assumed in the labor shortage. The restaurant is half-open for self-service due to lack of a waitstaff. 

Boone, North Carolina  has become a microcosm of the ongoing national labor shortage. 

The college town lies in the Western region of North Carolina, the state ranked lowest in Oxfam’s Best States to Work Index, and currently faces a staffing shortage throughout local businesses, national chains and university service departments. The shortage is raising questions about workers’ pay, protection, and right to unionize.

Josh Pepper, owner of Pepper’s Restaurant & Bar, said the shortage began in May, after Boone restaurants reopened following a 4-month COVID-19 lockdown. 

“The ones of us who have been working full-time throughout this whole thing, we’re sitting there like ‘when are we gonna have those nights where we need to send people home?’, and we just never had that this year,” Pepper said.

Customer-facing occupations like food services and retail in Boone have been the hardest hit during the pandemic, Boone Chamber of Commerce CEO, David Jackson said. 

Black Cat Burrito is one of many businesses in Boone which struggled to reopen when lockdown was lifted.

“There’s a reluctance for people to put themselves in that situation when interaction with the public hasn’t exactly been positive here in the last months,,” he said.

The pandemic, he said, has put many of Boone’s restaurants in a precarious position when it comes to workers' health and safety. Increasingly, owners are tasked with defending workers against customers unwilling to abide by mask mandates and vaccination requirements, he said. 

Pete Shurba, a co-owner of Capone’s Pizza who has filled in as a host during the labor shortage, has first hand experience with customers who ignore mask mandates. 

“All my other hosts here are students, or student-edge, and people come in that door and abuse them,” Shurba said.  “I've got plenty of masks here, just put a mask on. If you don't want to put a mask on I’ll have it, it’s okay, but you’re gonna stand outside.”  

Pepper said he tried to incentivize workers with higher pay, raising starting wages from $10 to $13.50, sometimes $15 an hour, depending on experience. He offered a $100 bonus to workers who referred their friends for the job, but the applications never came in. 

The area supervisor for the Boone Taco Bell, along with other Taco Bell supervisors through Tennessee, closed the restaurant’s lobby and altered hours to ease the work of their shorthanded staff. They estimated the Boone location to have shut down five times since the start of the pandemic due to understaffing. 

“People need to make sure that they’re having a good culture at the store that they’re in, and try to keep people,” the area supervisor said. “You know, offer some incentives, talk to the team  and see what they can do to help them be happy in the job that they’re in.”

Before the pandemic, Pepper employed 55 people, mainly students. Now, he is down to 40 staff employees. It takes 60 people to run a restaurant smoothly, he said.  

“The unemployment thing was really hard to compete with,” Pepper said. “We had several of our people that, when we laid them off in March, all of sudden they got an $8,000 check from unemployment.”

Shurba has also struggled to hire enough staff to fully reopen Capone’s Pizza since Boone’s reopening.. He estimates it could take two to five years to return to running normal shifts. 

“Last year in July, I thought it was just lazy people— they’re getting unemployment,” Shurba said. “But then I started looking at market research, and as time went on, my mind changed... I think a lot of people are just sick of retail.” 

Empty pizza boxes line the closed portion of Capone’s. Shurba said the demand for take-out boxes has been an expensive undertaking. 

North Carolina’s Labor Supply and Demand Dashboard has illustrated contradictions in the coexistence of mass layoffs and labor shortages since the COVID-19 recession. Despite these events leaving a high amount of job openings, employers are failing to attract applicants across the state. 

Les Miller, Assistant Director of Student Employment at App State, said that students have shown delay in acting upon available jobs. Miller is a member of a national organization of student employment administrators and said his fellow administrators have all noticed this issue. 

He surmised this hesitation to work shows students are prioritizing their academics over looking for jobs. 

However there may be other reasons why students are not currently seeking out service jobs. To add to the risk of working during a pandemic, wage policies, worker protections and unemployment benefits in North Carolina are ranked the worst in the country according to Oxfam’s Best and Worst States to Work in America 2021 report. 

Teresa Segovia quit her job as a server at Lost Province Brewing Company in July 2020. Segovia said the staff were “overworked and short staffed”. Before quitting, she and her co-workers attempted a strike, knowing that in a right-to-work state it would cost them their jobs. They wanted guaranteed days off and higher wages.

The owner of Lost Province Brewing declined to comment on the situation.

[gloieee]

Limbo

Started this post sometime early July and could not finish in classic fashion because the heaviness weighed me down TOO much for me to continue writing. Usually for me writing is catharsis, but this time it felt laborious because it meant I had to sit with my emotions even more so than during my day-to-day (which was already too much to handle). It was hard for me to even listen to these songs then because it made my entire being ache. Yet, of course, cause I loved the pain, I did and anguished in it to paralysis. Most of these thoughts no longer resonate with me, to a surprising extent, but am attempting to pay respects to the pinnacle and hopefully, the conclusion of a long year+ of distress. Here goes, Limbo. 

 8/12/2020 

_______________________________________________________________________

Good News – Mac Miller 

I spent the whole day in my head Do a little spring cleanin' I'm always too busy dreamin' Well, maybe I should wake up instead A lot of things I regret, but I just say I forget Why can't it just be easy?

I think this sums up my days better than any of my own words can. These couple of weeks have been exactly this—spending whole days in my head (doing little else sometimes gleefully, sometimes woefully) attempting some “spring cleaning,” then going on some tangent on things I should fix in my life, attempting to constructively go down memory lane, then things getting too much and wondering the forever questions, “why can’t it just be easy?” 

Regret has become a salient gateway word into my life these past two years, not always consistently, but at least with some regularity. It feels especially shocking cause it really had so little presence prior to this. I suppose, some may say that before a certain age, there are no real consequences to one’s actions, hence, no need for regret. But under that logic, I don’t think at 26, I’m that old either, so I wonder what happened at 24 that began this trajectory. It seems extremely fitting that I couldn’t finish the blog post for “Mistakes” in May 2018, because to be frank, since then, a tinge (or more) of regret has persisted in my days. There have been some lateral moves for sure, but never a vertical move past the regret. Continuing on this thread of analyzing my own past actions, it also appears fitting that I started that 2018 playlist with Unhappy by Outkast/ Big Boi because regret rings profoundly (maybe only) when you’re unhappy with your current state. You don’t see a happy woman ruminating on a thought exercise of what could’ve been. At the time, I included the song based on feeling, (as with everything on this blog), but never really discussed it. 

Might as well have fun 'cause your happiness is done When your goose is cooked

I suppose this was pretty much how I lived my life this past year. I’m trying not to say it as a bad thing, cause it isn’t necessarily, and I have a tendency to romanticize tribulations. I had a lot of fun, even though at moments I got pretty millennial REKT in the process. It’s less the fact that I had fun (and was very healthy (physically)! Which I am grateful for), but that I had little else. I didn’t feel very fulfilled or feel like I knew myself, or my values, or even what I wanted. I lived nonchalantly, maybe even a little numbed, and got wrapped up in a LOT of distractions. Admittedly, it was nice in the moment to care about such light things, to not have to deal with so much heaviness. I remember reveling in it, in my personal conversations and on this blog as well. 

Yeah Right by Joji is my past year in LA told from the perspectives of cynics (aka Me). It’s a simple, almost grossly millennial song. Despite the extremely self deprecative lyrics, I love how the melody feels like a calming, boppy afterthought. There are moments in the track where you’re just super down in the dumps, but also moments when you’re singing with a lopsided, wry, self-taunting smile on your face. 

 Yeah Right – Joji 

Imma fuck up my life    We gon party all night She don’t care if I die  Yeah I bet you won’t try  But you know I don’t mind 

I don’t think my motives were ever as extreme or bleak as “imma fuck up my life” but the general sentiment rings true. There was definitely a pervasive detachedness to my days, and a total lack of “trying”.  And a lack of minding over that fact. 

Yeah, you know I feel right Yeah, you living right now She don't ever pick sides

I unfortunately discovered Joji during the small insanity of quarantine, and of course blazed through all his interviews. I hadn’t fully realized how not picking sides in my life and going along with the flow belied a sense of numbness or ambivalence. This is so how I’ve been feeling/ felt about so many aspects of my life—career, relationships, values, lifestyle. I couldn’t choose anything because nothing pulled at me. I remember telling a friend that I’m at a point of ambivalence where if I had two research projects I would not be able to pick which one to pursue because they would feel all the same to me. I feel almost no sense of what interests me.

Yeah, you bet I go to see you when I'm feeling like a drum without a beat Yeah, you dance so good And I think that's kinda neat

I am/was truly a drum without a beat, just noticing some insignificant thing of slight interest and noting “that’s kinda neat.” Really not a reason to go after a girl/ relationship in the slightest, but I get how it’s all that could be mustered at the moment. And then you shrug and run with it. 

 Another millennial moment of wisdom from Joji about this song:  

It’s not productive but it’s not destructive. And that’s how a lot of people get stuck, in relationships and in life in general. 

This was exactly what was happening during the year. I was not productive AT ALL, but I was still passing, still technically going through the motions, going through the hoops. Life was happening. And I was stuck. 

What you know about love? What you know about life? What you know about blood? Bitch, you ain't even my type

Honestly not super sure how it relates, but to these lines. Joji explains:  

I mean, the way I see life is like, no-one’s special. You’re not born special, if you’re lucky you’re given a certain set of skills and a certain set of resources and you run with them, and then everyone dies. So as long as they know that, and they’re not thinking in a God’s plan sort of way... So just stuff like that

This was interesting as this summer as I was trying to figure out my path and my direction, and grappling with whether I wanted to try to pursue things that I thought I should/ kinda wanted for extraneous reasons/ seemed practical and logical and well desired vs. what I may be better at/ what I knew I wanted before. And there was definitely this idea of a (lost) calling, a larger cosmic reason that I had blindly chosen this much harder and guilt-inducing path. Something that may make it all make sense. I was extensively looking back on my past self and aspirations. I felt like I had forcibly given up things that made me me without gaining the practical traits I had so envied in others; I had become a boring medical student who wasn’t even super productive nor good at medicine. I was obsessed with this idea of a passion, this abstract thing that I seemed to have perhaps had the inklings of at a certain point, but seemed to have lost entirely, all after having sacrificed much to pursue it. It was refreshing to see someone who is an artiste (hohoho) saying these things, since (successful) artists seemed to be the only people who were truly special or passionate enough in what they did, in that they had risked so much stability, and had made it. 

Returning to the song, I love how all these serious questions are raised only to be followed up by a super petty “bitch you ain’t even my type.” And indeed, my many deep queries have no conclusions and I find myself returning to the minutiae of daily life.  

Back to Good News. The utter exhaustion and endless circle of rumination on past days, a desire to fix the pattern, slight hope, and inevitable resignation Mac sings of make me close my eyes to take a deep breath. His tracks from Circle capture so well the fluctuating inner thought processes of those who are struggling to dig themselves out of something beyond their control:

When it ain't that bad It could always be worse I'm running out of gas, hardly anything left Hope I make it home from work Well, so tired of being so tired Why I gotta build something beautiful just to go set it on fire?   I'm no liar, but Sometimes the truth don't sound like the truth Maybe 'cause it ain't I just love the way it sound when I say it   But I heard that the sky's still blue, yeah I heard they don't talk about me too much no more And that's a problem with a closed door   Then I'll finally discover That it ain't that bad, ain't so bad

The coexistence of heaviness and hope is what I’ve always loved about Mac. I’m obsessed with duality, contradictions, and being conflicted because I think it’s what I have so struggled with for my young adult life (Joji also mentions this is a driving force behind his songs). Also, I think inconsistencies are just something that is so humanizing about people. It’s no wonder that my favorite works of art attempt to dissect or observe dualities—The Unbearable Lightness of Being; the esoteric song by the lead singer of a small Korean indie band that I had to pay 50 cents to download and save on my desktop cause it wasn’t on youtube (it is now huzzah). A minor tangent, in the aforementioned song Jo Woong implores someone to tell him what he did wrong because he sure as hell can’t figure it out. And a line that has stayed with me for years: Aren’t people’s fronts and backs inherently different? Or is it just me that’s lacking something... It’s a play on a Korean saying, but it points out the inconsistencies in people in an aching plea for understanding and sympathy. It’s what too many plagued, conflicted individuals are hoping for. 

내가 뭘 그렇게 잘못했는지 모르겠어요 누가 내 잘못 안다면 ���기 좀 해줘요  사람이 원래 앞뒤가 맞지가 않잖아요? 아니면 나만 이렇게 모자란가요  

When I listen to Mac with a clear head, aka not in the throes of depression, I hear the hope in his voice and lyrics. It strikes me and warms my heart even more because I know that the hope has shined through despite the darkness. But when I’m on the other side of the equation, I hear how deep the sadness and pain is, and how the hope is not enough to overcome that. It’s almost worse because I know the hope exists, and yet I can’t get there. It feels like a failure. 

Everybody- Mac Miller 

Everybody's gotta live And everybody's gonna die Everybody just wanna have a good, good time I think you know the reason why   Yeah, sometimes the goin' gets so good Yeah, but then again, it get pretty rough

The fatalism of this song coupled with Mac’s slight falsetto embodies a type of pain that is ineffable. The back and forth of things being good and rough reminds me of an addled and empty-eyed shrug.

Surf – Mac Miller

And the days, they go by Until we get old There's water in the flowers, let's grow People, they lie But hey, so do I Until it gets old There's water in the flowers, let's grow   Yeah, well Sometimes I get lonely Not when I'm alone But it's more when I'm standin' in crowds That I'm feelin' the most on my own And I know that somebody knows me I know somewhere there's home I'm startin' to see that all I have to do is get up and go

Surf speaks more quietly of possibility even during dark times. The faint sense of having known at a certain point that someone knows you and gets it, and that you could feel at peace again, like in a home of sorts. The desire to grow, the slight feeling that maybe, it we let go (of societal perceptions, of greed, expectations?), something could change. But in the here and now, it’s just a sense and not a reality. A hypothetical thought that has not yet passed the threshold for action:

Gotta get goin', goin', goin' before I'm gone

A break from the melancholy for a throwback to myself, which made me chuckle as well as feel a sense of wistful nostalgia. This short and sweet track seems like the perfect modern-day ode to me. My conflicted state of being in awe of and yearning after impractical aestheticism but simultaneously being terrified of and slightly disgusted by the indulgence and recklessness of art and its values has led me to eschew it as a profession but try to implicate myself in it in other ways. I think one of the slightly problematic ways this has manifested is not pursuing art in my own life, but seeking to be a muse in other’s’ artful endeavors. I’ve definitely probably contributed to the problematic male gaze I’ve written papers on, but in all vulnerable honesty, that is how I’ve been in the past. The redeeming qualities of Kota’s muse reminded me of the past, some of the qualities that I had prided in myself. I woefully feel as though I have lost all these qualities--Doing my own thing, riding my own wave, not being affected by others’ values, particularly the more superficial ones, being grounded, reading (hah, but never self help), low-key taking care of my life, knowing what I want.  

She – KOTA the friend 

She do her own thing, she ride her own wave Only twenty people on the 'Gram that she followin' Only post work, she ain't tryna be a model chick She believe in white wine, feet up on the ottoman Low-key, got her own business and she mindin' it If she get your number, you'll be lucky if she lock it in She hella grounded, but the plane trips to BnB stay booked Told me I should read the Four Agreements, it's a great book Cracked a little smile and she threw me back the same look, yea 

Slowing it down, this song sounds like a warm afternoon sunset on a lake in New Hampshire that’s not even sad. Which is rare for me since I find sunsets heart-wrenchingly empty most days.

Hand Me Downs – Mac Miller 

Get away to a place where the lakes such a great view Leave the bank, couple hunnid thou' I made it, but I hate once I build it I break it down Might just break me down   And all I ever needed was somebody with some reason who can keep me sane Ever since I can remember I've been keeping it together but I'm feeling strange

As long as I could remember, this is what I wanted. Yet in recent months, I’ve felt so confused about what I want. I’ve been feeling strange, and things don’t seem right, with no proper conclusion:   

Get away when it ain't really safe and it don't seem right But what's new? You get used to the bullshit, the screws they go missing It's likely they might be but...

I almost wish that there was something I distinctly missed, since that would at least show that I cared about something. But to be fair, wanting the wrong things have led me down many wrong turns in the past, so maybe this blank slate is not so bad. I’m so very unsure of what I want, but I suppose I just need to keep it up and act like I do* want something. That’s been the conclusion for this past year. It’s sometimes nice and fine, sometimes so difficult, and I’m in the latter end of the spectrum now, but perhaps it’ll click eventually. In the meantime, the detached voice of Giveon soothes me that I’m not only lost soul goin back and forth on the lost young adult pendulum:  

Like I Want You – Giveon  

I guess I'll just pretend until it all makes sense   Like I want you You, ooh, ooh Even if it's true, ooh (Even if it's true)

Early-ish July 2020  

[roezlf]

A Letter From Home About Sound and Consciousness

Dear "Blue" Gene,

As I sit here writing you this letter I'm listening to the sound of the midnight train as it moves and changes across the hills. It reminds me of you as it travels to the back of my mind. Now that's a pretty weird idea. I don't know why it should remind me of you. Sometimes I just listen and it doesn't remind me of anything. It seems to create the space in time in which it moves. It comes from nowhere. Anyway, I'm getting off the subject. I really wrote to tell you that the bar we used to play at has changed hands again. Do you remember how everyone got together and danced until dawn, just like a religion? It took an hour to get the tunes out of your head. Then we got stoned and in that presence we'd talk about our crazy ideas. I remember you said that a child growing up, the growth of the feeling of being inside yourself, and the sound changing over space and time were similar experiences. Their motions had the same shape. Oh boy.

Speaking of younger people, your cousin is growing up fast. When he was four months old he was sucking his thumb and waving his arms and after a year he was grabbing hold of blankets and rugs, pulling things toward himself and seeing how close he could get. We must have seemed like pictures on TV. Soon he started talking and opened his mouth wide to describe something big, breathing heavily in and out. To him each breath was like a thought. When he was one year old somebody would yawn in the room and he wouldn't. He would describe things that weren't anywhere near him. An idea he heard one day he would describe as his own on the next. When he was two or three-and-a-half years old he talked to his imaginary companion. Now he's twelve and imagines everything connected to everything else. The more defined a situation gets, the more he spaces out. I guess he wonders if his life is supposed to be a story. But of course he was five when out of the blue he started to speak Polish and recall his past lives. That certainly wasn't in the books. Sometimes you imagine you're in the music and sometimes you're apart from it. I remember the time the band gave your name, "Blue" Gene. There was a feeling that trouble was built into you. Like they say, "In your dreams". Both you and I know you're no victim of circumstance.

Of course you do get obsessed and at those times what you want to know gets drawn toward you. How close can you get? Ghosts appear mostly in February. How do you describe something which is invisible and unknowable? When the train goes by, what should I pay attention to? The sound, or what I see, or what goes on in my mind or maybe all three of them at once? Three guesses. A coincidence. A connection outside the connection inside. It's so beautiful to see someone thinking. Consider four-billion people walking around with slightly different things in their heads at any given moment. When you're in this country all the images that support living in the city disappear. The day before you left on that midnight train was the day we made up that weird theory about a history of consciousness. Of course it was just as arbitrary as any history and started twelve-thousand years in the past. The people are peaceful, there's no government, and nothing is an example of anything. There are no words for past, present, future or madness. It's always the first time. However, there is a voice that appears to each of them, barely the sting, softly in between the other sounds of living. One side of the brain in each person is slowly sending pulses through to the other side. It is inevitable, according to this ordered out theory, that an imaginary space somewhere in the back of your mind gets gets occupied by someone called "I" who floats around in the same space it has created. Then we skipped a few thousand years to watch that unidentified inner voice become embodied in the voice of the ruler. Statues were in the center of town just like today. Images of ancestors with large eyes. Eye-to-eye contact. Time ceases to exist. A younger and older man. A younger and older woman. Eye-to-eye contact. Mother and child. When you talk about love everyone's an authority.

Eight-thousand or maybe six-thousand years ago when young women were possessed oracles and older men were hot-blooded prophets for telling the future, their message was delivered in steady rhythmic verses. Always the same rhythm no matter what language. From one side of the brain to the other. From invisible heaven to foggy earth. This was sunlight inside and outside without yawning or blinking. You can send your consciousness anywhere and in the prophet's eyes the ideas on the periphery of his vision frame what he sees. The possibilities are beats of light constantly changing intensity. He imagines the experience as always the same and always entirely out of control somewhere out there. Every eleven-and-eleven-hundredths years there is a cycle of increased sun spot activity. Every eleven-and-tenths years there is a cycle of mass human excitability. If something went one way, and if the space were somehow closed off, the idea was that something had to go the other way. There are so many cycle you could just as well see the changes as random. Someone called it peaceful coexistence. They way the waves travel through the same medium, the water, and cross through each other transparently without destruction. The rest of the story, "Blue", was that the outside voices began to be heard inside forty-one-hundred or maybe thirty-seven-hundred years ago. People started to write laws down and make treaties. The world was pictured in sets of two and the ideas of history, motives, and strategies were dreamed up. This went along with war, life stories, and authorities from outer space. On the periphery of this country someone made up the notion that you could change yourself by changing your consciousness without connections beyond contradictions. His blood pressure was highest at three in the afternoon and lowest at three in the morning. When he started singing with his friends someone would remember just the words and someone would remember just the tunes. Two points in space but three types of connections. When they went out on a date each of them imagined his and her mom and dad would come along. A steady structure, a complete decision with only four moves. Yes and no on the first possibility, yes and no on the other one. Did he need that image outside to have that feeling inside?

I wonder if I have changed since I was young. Or has it always been this way? I guess I want a vision beyond consciousness. The way a culture takes twenty years to catch up to what can occur in a flash to one person. Someone who's done his thinking before he realizes it. I can accept the way I pay attention to things even if every ninety-six minutes I get an urge to talk, eat, or kiss somebody. Yes, just anybody, "Blue". And I start to pay attention to the miracles that I do know about. You know, I never set the alarm and I always wake up on time. Even in a thunderstorm my mother would wake up only when she hears a baby cry. When I play a piece on the piano once it goes on rehearsing by itself and its easier to play the next time and there are the coincidences and the invisible ideas that will reveal themselves any time you start to go through the motions. Are they really out there, "Blue"? Going to the center of town by calculating spirals which run down, going to the center of town randomly. All the energy is mysteriously conserved as the bird flies. From time to time I feel another world growing up among the one I experience every day and it seems no conclusions can be drawn about anyone's eventual fate. Sometimes I put my fingertips on the top of my eyes and apply pressure slightly. Then the pressure is released and flashes of light still remain floating among the forms that are shaped like networks. That pressure to move the lights is the same as taking on any idea to move my body. One side of my brain keeps rambling on to write you this letter while the other side is setting it to rhythmic music migrating from fundamental harmonics to the harmonics of those harmonics, building its own bridge. Part of light, to a molecule, to fluorescence, to warmth, to my body and its rhythms and back again. We're not attached or separate in space. Slipping in between the pulses of consciousness. UFO's appear mostly in April coinciding with the sudden appear and disappearance of the stars. But anyway, its always the first time.

This train is lit by the luminescence of the town and the faint warning light from the light it gives off. That light defines the area all around the train just as your love defines the way you see the life closest to you. Is that too corny, "Blue"? Well, you know, that's how we are here. Write soon.

[bubonickitten]

So what do you think are anders best traits (other than him worrying about mage rights and him being a compassive healer?) I really love him and I love the way you write about him so I'm just curious.

There’s a lot I love about him :0

I mean, on a personal level, he’s a really relatable character for me, so that’s part of why I like him so much.

But I also like him as a character in general. (I’ll put this post under a cut bc it got long.) 

Him being a compassionate healer and being incredibly passionate about mage rights are huge parts of his character and they’re honestly two of the biggest things that make me like him so much. 

Like, here’s a person who was subject to systemic abuse for most of his life, who knows full well the repercussions of rebelling against the status quo, but does it anyway, because his convictions are just that strong. He knows that the Circle and the Chantry are fundamentally wrong. He’s experienced and witnessed firsthand what happens to people who fight back. Hell, when we meet him Awakening, he’s only just recently been released from a year of solitary confinement for running away - he just got out and as soon as he was able to, he ran again. If he gets caught and sent back to the Circle again, he’s going back into solitary confinement at the very least, and by the time he’s in Kirkwall, he’s also possessed by a spirit, so he’s risking just being killed outright. He’s risking everything by fighting back so openly and actively, but he does it anyway. 

And it’s not just Justice’s presence that makes him so willing to fight. Even when he was running, he was fighting back, because by constantly running away, he was refusing to submit. But in Awakening, Anders did feel like he couldn’t have any impact on the status quo - he believed that things would change eventually, he believed that the way mages are treated is inherently and fundamentally wrong and one day things would be different, but he didn’t think he’d ever see it in his lifetime, and he didn’t believe he of all people could do anything to enact change. Justice helped him realize that he could be an agent of change, but that fire and that strong sense of right and wrong were already there - it just needed to be validated and encouraged, which Justice did for him. 

And I do like that Anders needed support to be able to get to that point, bc I feel like that’s... realistic, y’know? I don’t like the idea that everyone should have to fend for themselves and not have to rely on others to stand up and fight. He couldn’t do it alone, and there’s nothing wrong with that. He hasn’t gotten much support from others throughout his life, so I like that in this instance, he had someone to lean on. (And I still wish there were more opportunities to support him more actively in DA2.)  

Like, it was difficult for Anders to admit to those feelings of powerlessness - which is entirely understandable, because in his experience, showing that kind of vulnerability could get him killed or worse (if the templars considered a mage to be weak-willed, they might not even give them a chance at the Harrowing and just make them Tranquil outright - and Anders is canonically mentally ill, which I imagine added an extra burden in terms of hiding his vulnerability). So, outwardly, he talked a big talk about only being concerned with his own freedom and pretends to be more apathetic and careless than he actually is. 

This also shows a lot in terms of his sense of humor - it’s a lot of morbid sarcasm, irreverent joking, gallows humor even - because he uses it as a shield and a coping mechanism. Ngl, I love that aspect of him, it’s one of the things that started endearing him to me in Awakening first. I play my Hawke as having a similar sense of irreverent, snarky humor, so they play well off of one another. Humor as a coping mechanism is a character trait I tend to appreciate and relate to a lot, haha. 

Anyway, I think in actuality he cares so much it hurts. It might not seem like it when we first meet him in Awakening, but I think it’s just that it’s easier and psychologically safer for him to pretend he doesn’t care than it is to admit that he does care but feels powerless to change things. It takes a lot of strength (and also support from others, which again, is something that Anders hasn’t had much of throughout most of his life) to be able to confront your own vulnerability and try to channel it into something that benefits others. 

But even in Awakening, his actions often contradicted the “I don’t care about anyone but myself” talk - if you tell him to run away in the beginning of the game, he’ll do so, but he shows back up like five minutes later because he felt like he couldn’t leave the Warden to fight the darkspawn alone (he jokes about being “bad at the whole ‘fugitive from justice’ thing”, which... turns out to be way more accurate than he may even realize in that moment). In the endgame, he’s not eager to go along with the Warden to Amaranthine, but if you do bring him, he’s one of the companions who will argue against leaving Amaranthine to burn - his instincts might tell him to run, but he cares too much about the survivors in Amaranthine to leave them to their fate. 

Not to mention, canonically, spirit healers are kinda rare. They derive a lot of their power from spirits of compassion, which means earning spirits’ trust and cooperation. A person who isn’t compassionate probably wouldn’t be able to earn that cooperation of a spirit of compassion in the first place. Not to mention his interest in being a healer in general - it’s a big part of his identity, to the point where in DA2, one of the things he worries most about is not being able to heal anymore because he’s so afraid that he or Justice will accidentally hurt one of his patients.

I think a lot of his attachment to the healer role is also tied up in his own internalized belief that he has to be a Good Mage in order to deserve freedom - it seems contradictory, it’s something that goes against his stated principles, mages shouldn’t have to prove themselves and be ‘good’ mages according to the Chantry’s fucked up doctrine to deserve freedom and life and love, but he lived in the Circle for at least half his life and he definitely internalized a lot of the hateful messages they taught about mages. Fighting against those teachings is a constant battle for him - which also ties into his occasional crises of faith, because he’s an Andrastian and all the spiritual authorities in his life have taught him that he’s a non-person, that he’s inherently sinful and cursed and deserving of subjugation because he’s a mage. 

So, he has a lot of moments of self-doubt. He has a lifetime of trauma and abuse that affect his present well-being. He has a lot of self-loathing and a lot of fear of himself (the latter esp after merging with Justice). He doesn’t see himself as worthy of love or care, even if he talks passionately about how mages deserve those things - he often doesn’t give himself the same consideration that he’s willing to give others. He has an incredibly complicated relationship with his own anger - because his anger is totally and completely justifiable, but it scares him, because he associates rage and anger with demons and loss of control. (I think a big source of the conflict btwn he and Justice is how they differ re: embracing and accepting anger. For Justice, that anger is righteous fury, it’s justified, it’s a source of passion and change. For Anders, it’s a source of fear and insecurity a lot of the time. I think a lot of their miscommunication is rooted in that fear.)

But Anders works himself half to death trying to help as many people as he can for as long as he can, and even though he’s barely making a dent in all the suffering he sees in the world, even though he’s risking everything, he just keeps going, because that’s how strongly he believes and that’s how much he cares. Every mage he helps escape the Gallows, every patient he helps in his clinic is worth it to him. That kind of perseverance in the face of hopelessness and doubt and a world set against you is really admirable to me.

And I also like how clear it is that it doesn’t come easy to him. It’s not just some inspiration porn “you can do anything you set your mind to if you just try :)” thing. He stumbles a lot. He fails a lot. He spends most of DA2 in a constant state of anxiety and desperation (esp since he really doesn’t get much support from the people closest to him, except like… Justice and Hawke, if you play Hawke in a supportive role). He’s idealistic, but he can’t help but dip into periods of hopelessness and depression and doubt - partly because he has a mood disorder, partly because that’s just… expected for someone who’s seen as much shit as he has. His life is messy and he’s tired and it shows. But even when he’s running, he’s fighting. Sometimes, survival is in itself a form of rebellion and he’s a walking example of that. He is stubborn and although sometimes it’s a negative, it also has its perks. And that passion doesn’t just manifest as rage - it’s also love, because lbh, he is a hopeless romantic (in a dorky, endearing way at times) and in his romance route he loves Hawke fiercely.  

It’s a shame that he didn’t get more positive character development in DA2 (it’s no secret how resentful I am toward the writers, he and Justice really deserved better). I headcanon him over time learning how to communicate and coexist with Justice; learning to practice self-care and be kinder to himself; more fully accepting that he has a right to be angry and he doesn’t have to prove that he’s deserving of personhood or love.

And he has a fair amount of flaws for sure - he has a tendency to project his insecurities onto others (e.g. Merrill), he’s not a good ally to other marginalized groups (e.g. elves), he sometimes lashes out at others when they don’t deserve it (which, although I understand why he behaves that way, it still isn’t fair to others who are on the receiving end), he was manipulative in the ‘Justice’ quest (I understand his motivations but despite his intentions it wasn’t acceptable behavior) - but I think he has an ability to better himself in those areas and I like to headcanon that personal growth for him. (That’s not to say I want him to be a flawless character - nobody’s perfect, and a flawless character would be pretty flat and unrealistic, but I also like when characters are allowed to have personal growth in a positive direction.)

I guess, in all, he’s an interesting, likable, and relatable character for me - I wish the writers treated him better, I have a lot of criticisms wrt how he (and Justice) were written (including how Anders was treated as a bipolar character), and I’m also willing to criticize him where it’s deserved (I have a whole tag full of meta w/ my criticisms of him) - but overall he’s one of my faves.

 Tbh the reason why DA2 is my fave game in the series (despite all of my criticisms of the writing in it, esp Act 3) is the characters. Hawke is my favorite protag and DA2 has probably my favorite companion group - like, Anders, Merrill, Fenris, Isabela, and Varric are some of my fave characters in the whole series - so the characters are ultimately what make me like that game.  

[qrhymes]

Tales of Berseria Analysis - The Elements of a Wonderful Game

There is a lot to talk here, and because of that, I won’t be touching the gameplay part of the game, and don’t get me wrong, I think the gameplay is important (and if you fuck it here you could end like Nier, in where you love the game but you get so over frustrated with the gameplay, because you sucked at it, that you need to watch a playthrough to enjoy the whole experience…Now that they apparently fix that, I’m really looking forward to Nier: Automata, it looks great) but the reason of my attachment to the series is the narrative and that is the point of view I gonna share here…So let’s begins.

Eeny, teeny, spiny, crow, why this game is so fucking good?

Well, we are talking about an epic story, of a badass female anti-hero (or an actual villain protagonist, more of that later) seeking vengeance for the death of her little brother, a quest that would make us question the nature of chaos and order, a conflict about what is rational and what is right, It is correct create a world of peace at the cost of the people’s emotions and their free will? Such state of existence can be considered life?…

The game doesn’t wait to through the biggest questions early on and I thanks for it. The whole genre has this stigma of been slow games, overly long, too convoluted and with too many bifurcations, so it is great that we can start almost immediately with the whole point. Main driving force of the plot: Revenge seeking quest. Main theme: Emotion vs Reason. You and your party are in the emotions side, the Abbey and the Exorcist, reason side, and from here is just explore every corner of this conflict, through the story, the character…and WHOA.

First of all, the game is surprisingly gray, and that’s because the story is not so much about of decide what side is the best, if not more about develop these two ideas in conflict, the good in both ideologies, the toxicity of their extremes, the many forms that they can take and how they coexist with each other, and for that purpose the game will go to any place possible to carry the message, if it need to be harsh, it will go harsh, if it need to be ambiguous, it will go ambiguous and if it need to be dark, it will go dark…and in that matter, the game is also really dark (And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think dark equals good, you can be bright and colorful as fuck and still be deep and complex…but sometimes you need to go to some dark places to really make a point and Berseria definitely needed that, but to be clear, Berseria is not good because is dark, Berseria is good because it USE his dark tone to reinforce its narrative…sorry for make so much noise for this but this is an argument that I listen to much in, well…actually everything, and been honest it piss me off when people uses without fucking context) with it’s not an actual surprise considering that this game brings back the concept of Malevolence from Zestiria, but what that really give it this edge, because the series has gone dark before most notably in Xillia 2 and ,again, the Malevolence in Zestiria, it’s the ambiguity of the main cast (This directly connect with the morally gray tone of the game), because even treat them as anti-heroes maybe stretch the reality a little lo much.

The party is not heroic (and this is not necessarily bad, in fact that is the actual definition of what an anti-hero is. The brooding and dark Batman type character is just one type of anti-hero. Any character in the position of the protagonist/Hero/Heroine of the story who doesn’t embrace the attributes of the classic hero archetype, courage, strength, selfishness, etc. is an anti-hero.) and most of the time they aren’t even good, leaving aside the adorable Malak child Laphicet and the exorcist gone rogue Eleanor (The only two who actually fits the role of anti-heroes), all the other members of the party are pretty much selfish villains. They have questionable motivations, a lot of their actions are most than questionable and the question here is why would we care about these people that just seem like a bunch of dicks?  (Again leaving aside Phi and Eleanor)

Because the game actually makes an effort to make us care about them…through the skit mechanic.

…And the story does his work, don’t get me wrong, even without the Skits all the characters are interesting individuals, they all embrace different ideas that are develop through the course of the game, they have well-constructed and meaningful arcs, some of them have sympathetic backstories, memorable scenes, hearts to hearts, high and lows, everything that you need to have to make interesting and likable characters…what does the skit mechanic is took this more than great bases and raise them to new levels.

The skits are one of the core pillars of the franchise (And because of that this also applies to every game in the series) and give us a new whole dimension to know these characters outside the main plot.

Through the skits we can have a chat between two or more characters between story points, we can see them discuss the recent events of the plot and how affect them in a more personal and introspective level or just a moment for them to dick around and have a moment to enjoy themselves.

There are just little conversations and are optional but they make marvels in favor of their characters; it makes them more relatable and memorable because we can have more time with them, it makes them more complex because we can flesh out more of their personalities, and helps to maintain every character relevant even if the current story arc is not about them (And this is particular issue that I have in the genre, when a character is demoted after finish their particularly arc and just get a few lines here and there for the rest of the game), is a genius mechanic that enriches the characters and, if use it correctly, the narrative and the themes of the game.

Rokuro is an amoral Daemon murderer but then we see through the skits (and the story, again, team work) that he is a nice and funny guy who also have passionate discussions with ruthless 1000 year old Malak Pirate Eizen, about what kind of beetle is the best, the Stag Beetle or the Rhinoceros Beetle (Live hard and die young, am I right Eizen?), then you have this skit with the apathetic troll witch Magilou and Phi, in which the first tries to cheer him up (and also tease him) and we end with the two shouting “MAGIKAZAM” during an infiltration quest to one of the bad guys bases, funny yes, but also one of the first and strongest insiders in Magilou’s true character.

Comedy, drama, insiders, development, the skits are this window to endless possibilities and in the case of Berseria, it took an already strongest cast and brings them to God-Tiers.

I said it in the begging Tales of Berseria is an amazing game, the story is great, explores a lot of interesting and ideas, it has a fantastic sense humor, good pace, a lot of intrigues and questions, powerful moments and a fantastic cast with meaningful and memorable arcs.

It looks like we have finished here, right? Well I still have not answer the main question, If you believe me, you already know that the game’s bones are the perfect base to build a wonderful experience…but we still have the meat of the question, Why Tales of Berseria works so well?

The individual character arcs.

The characters are the voice of the game and are all member of the cast working to bring us this mind blowing experience…so let’s go deeper here, to darkest place in the darkest prison of Berseria and let’s find out the reason of…Why Magilou’s Menagerie and the cast Works so well?

MAGIKAZAM!!!

Part 1: Tales Series Retrospective

Part 3: Velvet’s character arc - Blindness and toxicity

Part 4: Rokuro’s and Eleanor’s character arc - Obsession and Conflict.

Part 5: Laphicet (Phi)’s and Eizen’s character arcs - Coexistence and Romanticism.

Part 6: Magilou’s character arc - Contradictions.

[diakena]

Infinipop: Notes Towards an Investigation

Infini-pop is a subset of pop and techno music and occasionally includes tracks that would technically be considered ‘rock’, although I’m really thinking less in term of sounds used and more in terms of the goal it has, and it’s core goal is to articulate or create a Heideggerian mood. That mood is one of infinity, that the possibilities are infinite, that anything is possible. It’s the sort of music that made a lot of sense my senior year of high school, when the worst was over, and only goodness was on the horizon; I was going to college, I was going to study things that were interesting and meaningful, and beyond that, I would eventually find work and love, I would get to be on my own and with my friends whenever I wanted. I was dating someone at the time, or sort of dating someone. She’d said yes to my prom request, and we were still hanging out beyond that, and we seemed to be clicking.

Alessia Cara’s Wild Things comes to mind, a song about being wild and carefree, and the combination of percussion and wild chants during the chorus, repeats the way I felt so perfectly, the sense of being totally free, like nothing matters except simply being whoever I choose to be, being true to whatever path I choose to follow, and like each one is infinitely possible and equally doable. The heavy aspects of life have largely evaporated, are insignificant trivialities which will disappear as we approach and get through them. DeJ Loaf’s No Fear also comes to mind, a simple song about how love makes all things evaporate into light, and everything is infinitely possible, so long as one’s loved one is with you. I remember playing songs like this in the car with friends on the way to crew practice, to prom, to the movies, and at the time, it seemed as if everything was doable and possible, as if nothing bad would ever happen. Grimes’ Phone Sex, Broke For Free’s Golden Hour, Calvin Harris’ Feel so Close and We Found Love, Clean Bandit’s Rather Be, Empire of the Sun’s Walking on a Dream, EVVY’s Collide, Foster the People’s Call it What You Want, Fun’s Tonight, Icona Pop’s All Night, Urthboy’s Rushing Through Me, One Republic’s Counting Stars, The New Division’s Kids, Michael Franti’s I’m Alive, Raury’s Superfly, and so on and so forth. I won’t pretend to understand the musical technicalities that makes these songs ‘work’ or ‘fail,’ and different people’s results may vary with certain ones, given how aesthetically based it is. And infinipop is nothing new. ‘Classics’ such as Cyndi Lauper’s Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (and to some degree Time After Time), as well as Heavy D’s Now That We Found Love could, to some degree might fit under the umbrella term/concept, but regardless of where it started, what unites all these tracks (for me at least) is that they remind me of what it’s like to feel like anything is possible, or that the future holds better (or even good) things than the present, that the only true horizon is my own imagination.

How different things have turned out. Now 25 years of age and I’m stoked to have a job which will pay almost $15/hour. I’m looking at moving out sometime late next spring with a friend (because safely affording to live on my own is nowhere in sight). I’ve spent far too much of the last few years contemplating suicide, not out of spite for my existence, but failing to see where it could possibly be going. I’ve heard voices and seen ghosts, all threatening me at gunpoint (and at times wishing they would just do it). Occasionally things come together for a brief period (or briefly appear to be coming together), but it’s usually a (very) temporary phenomenon. I haven’t dated since Kate, and that relationship was abusive (on my part).

The music lied.

This is I think a big part of why artists like The XX and Lorde have been so successful, and why her second album was a bit disappointing. The album Pure Heroine was relaxed and laid back, never got too loud. The same could be said of the XX’s self-titled album, which was recorded quietly so as to not wake up their parents while they slept. VCR is a love-song like DeJ Loaf’s No Fear, about the fearlessness a loved one can make you feel in spite of the world, but it has a fundamentally different goal and trajectory. Rather than convince the couple to take epic trips to Paris, the XX is satisfied to watch old VHS tapes and cuddle on the couch. That’s enough for them, and that’s most of what’s possible for millennials who are in love. Islands chops along at a slightly quicker pace with the percussion and guitars, but the voices remain hushed, and the bass keeps things feeling calm and smooth, the tension never fully breaks, and things remain muted, a trend that was maintained throughout Coexist as well.

But if the XX is simply maintaining an aesthetic humility that taps into young people’s desire for something calm and simple, satisfied with the simple pleasure of life and love, Lorde took things a step further with Pure Heroine. The production tends to be quieter and more simple, minimalistic with simple auditory shapes that you feel very viscerally without having to think too hard. 400 Lux tells simple stories about getting orange juice, falling asleep in the passenger seat and and aimless chatting while he puts his wrist over the steering wheel. Expensive trips and adventures are unnecessary; calm and cozy comfort are enough here. Ribs replaces romance with more general friendship, the simple joys of laughing until one’s stomach aches, and the nostalgia for a childhood where such an occurrence was much more common. What these tracks, and many others on the album display is a rejection of infinipop’s obsession with excessive existence. Lorde is not craving huge adventures and wealth, but the simple pleasures of material stability to be enjoyed with friends and lovers in quiet comfort. And the album most directly rejects the obsession with excess on it’s most famous track, Royals, where she directly attacks the excessiveness of celebrity lifestyles filled with gold teeth, exotic pets and the inevitable public breakdowns that follows such a lifestyle of extremes. Lorde instead is happy with a simple and quiet life, and with the album selling over 2 million units, I’d say it seems to have struck a chord with young people, who are slowly waking up to the fact that infinipop sold them a dream that would never become a reality (and then some). Life is depressing for most, a long drag with relief coming rarely and for short periods, and Lorde seems to be selling a more achievable vision in her music by rejecting infinipop. This is part of why I’ve struggled so much with her second album, Melodrama. The music, and many of the lyrics, seemed to be trying to break into a bigger sound for a girl who had bigger ambitions than before. Green Light kicks off with explosive energy, which is totally antithetical to much of what she was trying to do with Pure Heroine. While much of the album then cools down, several songs do attempt a larger sound, which indicates she maybe didn’t fully understand what was so unique about her in the first place. I hope she manages to remember the rest of us, even as she gets to the top.

But also interesting is the music that picks up the aesthetic, but only to smuggle in a counterargument, the horrific realization that all is not as well as the music would suggest. Rihanna’s Disturbia comes to mind, a song that could easily fit on many prom and homecoming playlists, even as the lyrics depict a psychological dystopia as Rihanna is gaslit into accepting abuse, struggling to make sense of her predicament. Also in this tradition is The Naked and Famous’ Punching in a Dream, with many of the lyrics being resonant with Underoath’s A Moment Suspended in Time, although TNAF seem to be holding an incoherent paradox in their song. The music is upbeat, even as the singer sings about her nightmares coming true all around her. This is, perhaps, the best infinipop has to offer us, since in a single song it holds the contradictory tension many millennials experience, the contradiction between being fed a steady diet of hopeful optimism that doesn’t hold up to their lived material experiences. Most are struggling with student debt they took on for degrees that have failed to secure them good-paying jobs to pay off such debt, and then find themselves blamed for taking on the debt they were told to take on by colleges and companies interested in making an easy buck off of them.[1] While Lorde and The XX might offer a more reasonable vision for life, as well as a rejection of the impossibility for infinity most millennials feel, I think that TNAF, whether they intended to or not do the best job here of holding the paradoxical state most millennials find themselves in today in a single song, the aesthetics of optimism with the actual reality of terror and despair, the incompatibility of the two which we are forced to simultaneously hold in our minds ear.

Notes

[1]  The kafkaesque hell that is the student-loan industry deserves more than I can do justice, but others have here and here (two name but a couple examples).

[820poetics]

On Fragmentations and Wholeness

-Annabelle

“We are a fragmented people. My experiences as a writer coming from a culture of colonialism, a culture of Black people riven from one another, my struggle to achieve wholeness from fragmentation, while working within fragmentation, producing work which may find its strength in its depiction of fragmentation, through form as well as content, is similar to other writers whose origins are in countries defined by colonialism” (Cliff, 2008, p. ix).

What does it mean to be fragmented? And how do writers convey this through their writing?

This theme of fragmentation runs deeply throughout much of the work we have read. In the above quote, Cliff writes as someone whose origins stem from Jamaica and who has in the United States and Britain. She writes as a light-skinned, lesbian woman. Fragmentation takes many forms. Fragmentation can refer to being physically split apart from other people, “riven from one another.” Fragmentation can manifest psychologically in a sense of non-belonging, feelings of disconnect, battling historical amnesia. Fragmentation connotes “incompleteness” and a dilemma of colonial people may be an ongoing “struggle to achieve wholeness from fragmentation” (ix). Still, this fragmented state which postcolonial peoples have inherited is at the same time a place in which writers find strength. And as Cliff notes at the end of the paragraph, there are parallels to other writers who can trace themselves back to colonial histories.

Awareness of one’s fragmentations is one driving source of writers, impacting the gaze they take in their writing.  As Cliff writes, “I tried to depict personal fragmentation and describe political reality, according to the peculiar lens of the colonized - but one aware of itself. These essays are a result of that informed gaze” (xi). She goes on to say later in the book: “I gaze the gaze of reverse anthropologist” (57), conveying a sense of hyperawareness of her subjectivities, resisting an external. In this claim is a sense of empowerment.

One way that postcolonial writers have conveyed a particular gaze may be connected to the authors use choice of pronouns in order to (at least in my interpretation) as a method to convey a sense of fragmentation – of uncertainties, ambiguities, resisting a sort of fixedness of identity. Blurry use of pronouns can also signal a sense of joinedness. At the end of the essay “If I could write this in fire, I would write this in fire,” Cliff (2008) writes: “There is no ending to this piece of writing. There is no way I can end it. As I read back over it, I see that we/they/I may become confused in the mind of the reader: but these pronouns have always coexisted in my mind. The Rastafarians talk of the “I and I” – a pronoun in which they combine themselves with Jah…Jamaica is a place in which we/they/I connect and disconnect – change place” (31). In Watercolor Woman, Ana Castillo calls the protagonist “she,” and the protagonist at times refers to herself in first or third person, sometimes conveying a sense of her being outside of herself, looking at herself. As came up during class, this sense of split self could also be read as symbolizing her multiple identities. Trinh (1989) also includes an intriguing discussion of pronouns and the limits of pronouns in her work, Woman, Native, Other. She describes how “I” is “infinite layers” (90) how its complexity cannot be communicated through I/i. “Whether I accept it or not, the natures of I,i, you, s/he, We, we, they, and wo/man constantly overlap. They all display a necessary ambivalence, for the line dividing I and Not-I, us and them, or him and her is not (cannot) always (be) as clear as we would like it to be. Despite our desperate, eternal attempt to separate, contain, and mend, categories always leak” (94). Finally, Reyes (2017) also complicates our understanding of pronouns when considering the Tagalog language in the context of colonialism: “when tayo/kami do not have specific English counterparts, then who constitutes ‘we,’ in that poem? Are we a part of that ‘we’; in other words, are we as Americans so distant from our wars, complicit in torture and committing acts of human atrocity? Can we pick and choose which “we” we belong to as Americans?” (“Tayo” as “we” includes the person you are speaking to/“Kami” as “we” does not include the person you are speaking to).

While the fragmentations seem endless, they are not static. Rather, we move and write toward wholeness. But what is wholeness? What does it mean to find inner strength in one’s identity and all its fragmentations?

“Working within fragmentation” (ix) allows one to grapple with the terms of their fragmentations wholeness and define that wholeness for oneself. As we read, we see this is not an easy process. For Cliff, this journey is filled with rage and pain. Still, she finds herself at a point wherein by the end of the book she is closer to a sense of wholeness and through the pain writes and envisions wholeness and liberation in part through interracial friendships. Through her process she is “grasping more of myself” (26). In Castillo’s work, Ella/she comes to see the fragments of herself as all a part of her, the disparate parts of herself not as disconnected, but as always connected, even if the wider society is not always in agreement. Nilliasca (2016) in writing about her experiences as a Filipina adopting a child from the Philippines, works towards wholeness through facing contradictions and creating a different sense of “home” for herself and child.

Even as different groups of people have vastly different historical contexts, there are parallels. In her work, Cliff included part of the slogan of the Black movement in Britain “We are here because you were there” (18). This caught my attention not only because it is a powerful statement, but because I had encountered it recently in an article by Roland Coloma (2017) that used that sentence in the title but referred to empire as a way to think about Pilipinxs in education. I have not read the whole article yet, but I did look back at it and saw that Coloma did properly cite the origins of that sentence. As I/we/they write and cite, are we reaching toward and creating a whole different type of wholeness?  Thinking back to the idea of becoming, entanglements and learning each other’s histories (Alexander, 2006), in relating in while also recognizing the uniqueness of the experiences of different groups, are we recognizing and building a different collective whole?

References

Alexander, M. J. (2006). Pedagogies of crossing: Meditations on feminism, sexual politics, memory, and the sacred. Durham, NC: Duke University Press.

Cliff, M. (2008). If I could write this in fire. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press.

Coloma, R. S. (2017). "We are here because you were there": On curriculum, empire, and global migration. Curriculum Inquiry, 47(1), 92-102.

Nilliasca, T. (2016). Night terrors, love, brokenness, race, home & the perils of the adoption industry: A journey in radical family creation. In A.P. Gumbs, C. Martens, and M. Williams (Eds.), Revolutionary mothering: Love on the front lines, pp. 178-184. Ontario: Between the Lines.

Reyes, B.J. (2017, March 31). On teaching Filipinx lit to non-lit majors.Retrieved from: http://www.barbarajanereyes.com/2017/03/31/on-teaching-filipinx-lit-to-non-lit-majors/

Trinh, T. M. (1989). Woman, native, other: Writing postcoloniality and feminism. Bloomington: Indiana University Press.

[howwerun]

Epicurus and the Problem of Evil

The Problem of Evil

A friend of mine posted the following:

Only two of the three can be true: 1. God is [all-]good 2. God is all-powerful 3. Evil exists. Discuss........

The premise is based on Epicurus’s argument from evil concerning the coexistence of an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good God and evil in the world (that is, evil actions and events, such as people killing each other). Wikipedia has a nice summation of the argument:

Logical problem of evil Originating with Greek philosopher Epicurus, the logical argument from evil is as follows:

1. If an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent god exists, then evil does not. 2. There is evil in the world. 3. Therefore, an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent God does not exist.

This argument is of the form modus tollens, and is logically valid: If its premises are true, the conclusion follows of necessity. To show that the first premise is plausible, subsequent versions tend to expand on it, such as this modern example:

1. God exists. 2. God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent. 3. An omnibenevolent being would want to prevent all evils. 4. An omniscient being knows every way in which evils can come into existence, and knows every way in which those evils could be prevented. 5. An omnipotent being has the power to prevent that evil from coming into existence. 6. A being who knows every way in which an evil can come into existence, who is able to prevent that evil from coming into existence, and who wants to do so, would prevent the existence of that evil. 7. If there exists an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent God, then no evil exists. 8. Evil exists (logical contradiction).

Problem of evil, Wikipedia

Preface

I’ll include a summary at the end, if you’re pressed for time, but keep in mind that if you don’t read the full text, you won’t really be equipped to discuss the matter later on or comment on the post. When we discuss philosophy and theology, definitions are important, and you’ll miss out on those if you jump to the end. I do hope that if this topic truly concerns you you’ll read through the entire post.

If you’re already familiar with the problem of evil and arguments made in favor of theism, you might not find anything new here, but, of course, you’re always welcome to read through and comment.

My Meditation

I haven't actually asked around or anything, but my feeling is that when most people say "all-powerful" they mean "can do anything that can be imagined, without restriction." I believe that God is all-powerful: can do anything that can be done. Some things cannot be done because they are logically outside the realm of possibility. An example was given: 2 + 2 = 5 is outside the realm of possibility, so God cannot just make it so. He could, I suppose, change everyone’s understanding of numbers simultaneously so that 5 was the new 4, but that doesn’t change the fact that 2 things plus 2 things equals the same number of things that we now call 4. He could, I suppose, change all of creation such that adding 2 things to 2 other things always yielded the spontaneous creation of a fifth of that thing, but again, that would be a whole new system of things, not an actual change in the function of the current system. However, I don't believe that this qualification of God’s all-powerful status is the reason God doesn't prevent evil. In other words, I disagree with Epicurus’s premise that the only reason for an all-good God not to prevent evil is because he is not all-powerful, which I'll mention later. I also do believe that God is all-good, and I believe that evil "exists" so far as it is a word we use to describe something that we have knowledge of.

Evil Exists

At this point in my life, I view good and evil the way I understand light and dark or hot and cold. Darkness is not a thing that God created but the absence of light, which is an actual thing (i.e. photons and reactions that cause magnetic and electric fields, etc.). Coldness is not a thing that God created but the absence of heat, which is a measurement of kinetic energy. Similarly, evil is not a thing that God created alongside good, or that even persists alongside good. Rather, God is good, and I believe that when he created man, he gave us some capacity to exhibit Godly nature. Specifically, God is love, which I think is the true baseline for goodness. However, free will also exists: the ability to choose our own actions. When we choose to act in line with God's nature or God's will (that is, love), we exhibit Godly nature (we do good), and when we choose not to act in line with God's nature or God's will, no goodness is present in the action. We call that action evil, absent of good. In this sense, evil "exists" the way the dark exists or the cold exists.

Side note: It gets tricky to define "good" as that which is in line with God's nature or God's will, because people aren't always convinced that God is consistent. Sometimes people think of God as being like humans in nature, prone to changing his mind unpredictably (I don't want to go too far into this, because God changing his mind is another can of worms). Still, I do believe that God is the measurement for love and, therefore, goodness, which does necessitate his being all-good. If God is the determining factor for what is good, then he is, by default, all-good.

All-Good and All-Powerful in the Presence of Evil

The existence of evil doesn't preclude God's being all-good or all-powerful, because being all-good doesn't necessitate always preventing evil. I find the idea of mutual exclusivity between “being good and powerful” and “allowing evil” at the root of Epicurus’s reasoning, as well as many people I’ve spoken with. I believe it to be a false premise that a good person (or God) must oppose evil at every opportunity. Moreover, I think Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5-7 supports that the righteous will often submit to the wicked for the sake of love.

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 5:38-48, NIV

12 And forgive us our debts,    as we also have forgiven our debtors. ...

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:12,14-15, NIV

This is how I reconcile the two: if there is some most important good thing in God's mind, and if pursuing that most important good thing is mutually exclusive to preventing evil, then it is the exact opposite of Epicurus's conclusion: God's all-goodness necessitates the persistence of evil and God's refusal to assert his omnipotence. In that case, God would choose not to exercise his power for the sake of pursuing that which is most important and good. I believe free will is the place where this becomes true.

I believe that free will is necessary in order to attain real love. Put another way, the kind of love that God wants from us, what I call "real love," requires a free will choice. I also believe that love is of utmost importance to God, since God is love. I think it's actually the only thing that God cares about. (Call it selfish on God's part, but since I believe that all goodness is born of love, I can't think of anything more appropriate.) Because of this, free will is more important to God than the prevention of suffering or even God's being in relationship with us. Happiness isn’t good if it undermines the cause of love, and our relationship with God means nothing if it wasn't chosen freely.

I also don't see how the prevention of all evil everywhere all the time could be anything but disruptive to free will. It would be like asking a child if they’d rather eat cake or carrots and then immediately preventing them from having their way. "Oh, you want cake? Too bad; I'm throwing it in the fire." Yes, they "chose," and I didn't stop them from "choosing," but it isn't really a choice if it's all a farce to begin with. Yes, they end up eating what’s healthier, but it won’t foster love if it destroys their will to choose. Because of this, a person's choice to be evil must be allowed to stand. That said, God can and does oppose evil, particularly when doing so is beneficial to attaining that real love he desires from us.

An Aside: Did God Create a World of Suffering to Teach Us?

I disagree with the premise that evil actions are ever brought about as teaching tools. That is, I don't think God ever forces people to do evil things for the sake of creating a teachable moment. Rather, the evil provides an opportunity for teaching, while the action itself is purely the result of free will. This might tend more toward Open Theism; there are evil actions coming, which God foresees and intends to use, but I don't believe he created them or that the doers of those actions are being forced by God. Rather, the doers are choosing it for themselves, and he has already decided to use those events for his good purpose, which is why Paul says he works all things for the good of those who love him.

Summary

Contrary to Epicurus, I believe: God is all-good and all-powerful and that evil exists because of free will, which is the most powerful evidence of God's goodness. Without free will, there is no human love for God, and there is no substantial relationship with him. God could stop evil, but it would interfere drastically with free will, which would threaten the development of real love. God’s greatest, if not only, desire is to enter into a loving relationship with his creation, so the allowance of evil action, which is born of free will, is necessary for the possibility of real love.