#and I have a new job
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thinking about how the other day I felt happiness for the first time in a long time (like happiness about where I am at in life and joy for my future plans. Like I was working 8-4:30 and I was thinking about how I was going to do a few ubereats runs until 6ish after and then come home and get to write and crack open my kung fu binder again that I've been working with to prove to myself I'm ready to go back)
usually I just feel content at like a 5 sometimes if I go to a concert or whatever it can get up to 6,7,8. but that's it
and I have that persistent depression disorder. that i never remember how to spell.
So you can imagine my surprise when i genuinely just felt happy and at peace? And i had mania by fob album stuck in my head. life was good.
I then got sucker punched by my physical health symptoms that were really bad and almost collapsed and could not hold myself up so I was leaning on a cart not moving when it hit 4:30. And did not do anything that I planned to after work because of it.
BUT
the key is i felt happiness for the first time in forever.
#and the thing is I think it was because I finally decided it might be time for me to go back to kung fu after taking a year and a half off#because I quit because I couldn't get myself to go to lessons and then I also couldn't get myself to practice outside of class#PLUS at the time I had just started medication for my panic attacks had recently developed a tic disorder#and was working at a job that was slowly killing me#and I was really just trying to figure my shit out#(the last day I was really able to meaningfully attend was for my belt test that I passed but I had a massive panic midway through because#I had also started zoloft that day and it didn't occur to me taking a kung fu test designed to mimic a fight and breed endurance in a fight#aka get my heartrate up would be a bad idea with starting zoloft designed to slow my heart rate)#but the thing about kung fu is it was always something that brought so much joy and happiness#if I was struggling to get there I'd come home and be so energized and excited and happy#and I think I'm finally in a place where I can have it back? (idk juries still out on the health issues)#because I spent all of 2023 working on myself and my mental health and I quit my old job this past september#and I have a new job#plus a direction in life??? like I'm stage managering for some bands at a fest#and then later stage managering for a renn faire#while I'm working part time at target#and finally retail isn't my main gig (i used to be full time) but the side gig to take me where I want to go#And like recently I ran into someone from kung fu while I was working and they were so excited to see me#and I want to go back so bad because it's nice to know that she and a couple other people (she mentioned I was brought up recently) still#remember me and wonder where I went even a year and a half later
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David Tennant for Prime Minister, please.
edit- Since this is getting so much attention, edited to include descriptions of screenshots.
This woman has lost her fucking mind.
Jo, are you okay?
#Fuck your Rowling#Fuck terfs#David Tennant#Fuck Harry Potter#And everyone who watches Rowling’s new Harry Potter show#little whinging fuckers#gender taliban?#have you completely lost your mind JKR#maybe just stop being a little whinging fucker JKR#if he's smart he would never want this job because it's a horrible one but we'd be so much better off with a sane person in charge#But seriously Rowling are you okay?#does she look tired to you?#well I guess this has broken containment#He didn’t actually say you’re name JKR#he just called out transphobes and you assumed he was talking about you#which says you know exactly what you are and identify as a transphobe#says a lot#described
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“Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust?”
#Frankenstein#gothic literature#gothic lit art#victor frankenstein#happy new year lads#ive been thinking about nothing else but them for the past 3 days#been trying to figure out a decent design for victor and i think im getting closer#he needs to have a cruelness to him#and he needs to be kind of pathetic#someone who the creature could snap in half yknow#and i need to make the creature more Mean looking but it just feels right to draw him sad and despairing#THAT BEING SAID i think i did a good job here hehe#henry is next :)))#my art#illustration
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emma dupain cheng on the brain😽🎀
more:
#ml#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#my art#emma dupain cheng#emma agreste#(i think that may the more popular tag for her lol. she is a dupain cheng in my heart though)#plagg#she is thirteen almost fourteen here btw. because i love circularity#emma dupain cheng to me is like. what if emilie or adrien grew up in a stable home with no trauma. that’s emma#and she is theater kid✨#and adrien and marinette are soooo so so supportive and love going to her shows and are so proud of her#/marinette has to be held back from trying to manipulate the school play casting process to secure emma the lead every year#but then emma sets her sights on bigger things(broadway west end)#and adrien pumps the breaks big time#and he’s so torn between supporting her interests and wanting so badly to keep her from like. being a child actor. having a job. b#being pulled from school#and emma gets upset bc he is standing in the way of her dreams#and they fight about it:(#and then emma discovers plagg and convinces him to help her sneak out and go to her callback that she secretly auditioned for#(and forged all the parent signatures for lol)#and. well. plagg CAN be bribed#and also she just reminds him so much of baby adrien🤧 he is a softie#and she runs away to her callback. and adrien and marinette wake up the next morning and see on the news that there is a new chat noir.#anyway. not that i’ve thought about it or anything
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will the real lars fans please stand up
#(pretends i wasnt on a months long hiatus)#guys i STILL have the brain worms dont worry#these were initially doodles but became this so. here ya go#my lars remains a tortured soul and im NOT projecting#anyways i got a new job and its running me raw so pray for me#steven universe#lars barriga#lars of the stars#su lars#my art#fanart#fun fact i put him in one of my default fits on the left lmfao
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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brighter days ahead
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jjk art#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#nobara kugisaki#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 268#im sobbing about them its 1am and my hand hurts#but ive got more in me i havent been this happy n hopeful in so LONG#HES BACK#THEYRE ALL BACK#we might b okay guys it might all b ok .... :'>>>>>#im ignoring the minor salt abt all of yuuji's scars being Gone#like im happy he has both eyes n all that#but what can i say id gotten a bit attached to the new look :<<<#n my yuuji injury list is out th window hgdfghjkgd everything ive drawn is now inACCURATE CRIES#i predicted megumi having a scar on th Other side....yuuji now has his depth perception back........sighs#shoko is too good at her job gdi#all of this is /lh btw the loss of scars is small price to pay !!!!!megumi is BACK and SMILING and they all r gna b ok i believe :')#home stretch we r in endgame they can make it this is OUR jujutsu kaisen first year believers
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Headcanon: Deep down they both want to be their fairy godparent/godkid again after losing them, but don't believe they deserve each other and feel like they aren't worthy to be their companion anymore
They both need counseling and therapy as a whole package
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#peri#peri fairywinkle cosma#dev dimmadome#fop a new wish#peri fairly oddparents#a new wish#periwinkle#the fairly oddparents#dev#my art#fanart#I like how both Peri and Dev is the type who prefers not directly express their feelings because they want to be seen as cool/independent#and be loved by the people that they care of#in other words#a tsundere//hit#jokes aside I like to think another reason why Dev cried during that scene is because-#he realized he's doing the same thing that his dad has done to him but on Peri#and yet Peri still cares for him despite his treatment towards him#like how Dev still loves his dad despite being a terrible father#and just..want to do everything right by him to earn his dad affection#man#Also ngl I have a hunch that Dev might still remember since Hazel's ''no rule'' wish was pretty vague#so maybe he counts in that wish?#plus he was wearing sunglasses before the memory wipe which maybe that won't affect him as well?#you can see I'm coping rn#I do hope this is only temporary and we will see them being back together in season 2 tho#giving them both some time to reflect and growth#because Peri clearly needs more experience in his job and Dev needs his character development for season 2
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Rule
#transphobes dni#all the ninja are trans i don’t make the rules#ninjago#196#saw this post on the subreddit and fell back into the ninjago fandom a while back#btw if anyone here’s interested in ninjago there’s a new soft reboot call dragon’s rising that does a good job for new comers!#keeping this post pinned so i have a free blocklist for the people I removed for being phobic in comments#shinigami eyes extension working wonders
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Just because you don't love yourself it doesn't mean I will stop loving you.
#my art#goro akechi#persona 5#shuake#p5r#ren amamiya#persona 5 royal#akeshu#for some reason i wrote a dif caption on all socmed#i like them all#u know me and my poetry and shuake i cant stop coming up w lines so oh well collect them all#twt tumblr and bsky#twt and tumblr are similar#oh right i have never told ppl i have either of those here#tumblr is my true home so i forget#anw enjoy my tablet pen is dying and replacement is 350 euros cause its a wacom display tablet from 2013-17 and yeah. fuck me :)#cant even say i will do comms to pay for a new one cause its maddening to draw on it rn#idk how i managed to draw this one - passion for shuake ig#ok thats too much rambling even for me oops#its been a bad week lots of expenses for someone who quit her job to do a post grad on my savings lol#im getting better though
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i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD
#ramble#also only 0.29 delivery instead of 3.99#and chilli cheese bites#i swear to god the best food you'll ever eat while drunk is from the tiny shithole that's open until 4am#if you're refusing to do literally the smallest thing you can do to help then i have questions#it's FOOD. you'll survive#it's not even NECESSARY food#if it was like a chain grocery place and you don't have access to anything else then i would understand#but it's just NOT#make your own coffee for the love of god#when there is NOTHING you can do to stop this fucking tragedy. and let's be honest there isn't a lot normal people can do#and people say to you 'do this insignificant thing just to show that you even CARE'#and you DON'T do that???? what is actually wrong with you#also i've been worried about this since my last post about sbucks but this is Not an attack on the people who WORK at the boycotted places#because it is an absolute privilege to be able to leave your job and immediately find a new one
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(This post was sponsored by a 1+ hour commute)
#I'm so frustrated how little time and energy i have after a day is done#i didn't win the fight against depression to have lofe ruined by THAT now#lacking time and energy to go on job hunt.. it's all very small steps only#a part time job would be marvellous but what flat can be paid with that#maybe also my anxiety is stopping me from getting a new job. what if i get fired. what if it's horrible there. ahh.. i need more courage#mine capitalism#anti-capitalism#work
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Hey hey hey may 31th anon! How's 2024 going? ☆ヾ(*´▽`)ノ This year I have for you a leaked Sherlock season 5 image. Thinking of you!! And everyone!!
#may 31th anon#Hello hello hello friends!! How are you!!#I miss you all I miss tumblr I miss drawing these silly men#work was soooo boring today I was really happy that I got to draw John in a baby carrier afterwards (*´︶`*)#what have you been up to??#my job is very boring most of the time unfortunatly!! I want to have a new job a little bit but I also never want to have a job interview#ever again and also I might get a lamp this year (!) I have heard that someone has already printed out the lamp form#are you excited for good omens season 3??#I am!! I have also been watching a lot of x-files#(*´▽`*) we also have moths in the kitchen#I do not know what they are eating we have been storing all of our food in the fridge since last week but new moths keep coming#yesterday one flew out of the forks and spoon drawer#it's her kitchen now#I also got a mole removed#now instead of the mole I have a scar the exact same size an color of the mole#I have also been working on a longer comic project!! I think it will be ready to be shared this summer and I really hope you will like it#it's about the old dragon bros characters and their life with the princesses (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤#I'm having a lot of fun drawing again!!#I hope you're having fun too#also I had to write an email today and I had to attach a pdf file but it was upside down#I could not fix it#I just hit send
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Imagine Annabeth and Percy have a kid early, unplanned and it kinda fucks with their finances so Percy drops out of school to get a job so he can care for the kid and support Annabeth in school. At first he gets a job teaching kids sword fighting but then he hears about underwater welding which pays well because it’s dangerous but Percy is a child of the sea so it’s much less so for him. His boss is even willing to give him flexible hours which means Annabeth doesn’t have to take their kid to class anymore and they can actually afford daycare (why does is it the price of a mortgage nowadays???). A huge financial burden is lifted and Percy doesn’t mind the work so it’s good all the way around.
Fast forward to when Annabeth is done her masters in architecture and lands a job at a top firm. They’ve got savings and have Annabeth’s income to rely on. Percy heads back to school and finishes a degree in marine biology, going on to research some really niche topics like how underwater welding impacts the environment and shifting from there until he’s a well known expert in the field.
Just them finding their way. Supporting each other and landing on their feet no matter what
#i really like the idea of Percy having a non-linear path through school to a career#he’s 17#just because Annabeth knows what she wants to do doesn’t mean he does#let him find his path#also if Percy and Annabeth had an accidental baby#(completely possible once they’re at New Rome though I do believe they’re careful and responsible about it)#and if they couldn’t survive with the baby on scholarships + Fredrick’s money for Annabeth + what little Sally and Paul can spare#I think Percy would be the one to drop out for a full time job#and then go back to school once they’re stable#also I just generally think Percy would be the primary parent so Annabeth could really pursue her career#and because Annabeth’s job probably pays more and has more earning potential#percy and annabeth#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo#percabeth#post HoO
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built#you’re doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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Supergiant is absolutely COOKING with their characterizations of Nemesis and Moros.
It's deliciously ironic how the embodiment of divine retribution, meter of justice and avenger of evil, is in possession of grade-school-rivalry level of pettiness against Melinoë. Unfairly taking out her frustrations on Mel (about something that can't be helped wrt. Mel's birthright too!). Regularly steals her lunch money so she can buy more stuff from Big Bro Charon. Forced into the passive position of standing guard at the Crossroads, preventing her from doing what she does best: actively punishing evil. Not to mention the hilarious occasional "I punch you once and I give you stuff. This is definitely a fair exchange" encounters.
On the other hand, the official Bearer of Bad News™, who sometimes engineered horrifying deaths because he and Sisters Dearest get bored on the job, feared and hated by all mortals, is an unfailingly polite, nice guy who doesn't know how to deal with niceties because barely anyone has ever been nice to him (even the Fates bully him sometimes). Receives one (1) gift and instantly suffers critical damage, afflicted with "Down Atrocious" status effect. Sometimes weirdly optimistic and willing to make the best of his time in the Crossroads, to the point of asking Hecate herself to teach him witch stuff.
TL;DR I love Nem and Moros very much and they have ruined my life. Good fucking food, Supergiant writers.
#ksatalks#hades 2#hades 2 spoilers#nemesis#nemesis hades#moros#moros hades#Nem: UGH is there nothing here besides this BLASTED GUARD JOB. Whatever I'll go out there for a run. Fuck y'all I have better shit to do#Moros: WOW so much stuff to do here! New sights to see! New hobbies I could pick up! Things are dire but I'm having the time of my life rn!#(microwave ding sound) new blorbos are served
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