#and I feel like I keep fucking things up with everyone and no one even likes me anymore!!

[fear-is-truth]

BEING IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP WITH THANOS & NAM-GYU l headcanons

pairing — thanos x reader x nam-gyu warnings — (mild) s2 spoilers. smut author’s note — i wrote some corny lyrics for this lol

──⟢  fear-is-truth — all rights reserved. do not modify, repost, translate, or plagiarise my content.

thanos recruited you into his “team” because of his attraction to you. the rapper didn’t try to hide that he found you hot, and he made sure you knew it, throwing compliments your way. his flirting was over-the-top and shameless. he’d call you “senorita” or “babe” in a sing-song voice, leaning in close to make sure you couldn’t ignore him. his favourite move was to serenade you with cheesy raps that made everyone cringe.

one day, thanos sidles up to you, a wide, cocky-ass smirk plastered on his face. he’s got his hands on his hips, like he’s about to drop the hottest bars in the universe. “yo, senorita,” he starts, “you’re the queen of my world, can’t you see? ain’t no one gonna take my throne, you and me, together, baby, we’re destiny!” while nam-gyu, in the background, is rolling his eyes so hard he could probably see the back of his skull. but thanos keeps going, totally into it, “baby, we can rule the game, you and i, got them all thinking i’m the reason they’ll die. you’ll be my queen, i’ll be your king, together we’ll make this whole thing sing!” it’s a miracle you don’t combust from secondhand embarrassment.

nam-gyu, as thanos’s second-in-command, was pissed from the start. in the beginning, it seemed like he was just territorial—angry that you were disrupting the group dynamic. he’d throw side comments like, “oh, great, now we’ve got a distraction,” and give you cold, assessing looks. his irritation was obvious, especially when thanos started giving you preferential treatment, like sitting beside you during meals or casually throwing an arm over your shoulder during group talks.

he tried to act more “mature” than thanos (spoiler: he wasn’t). his idea of flirting was to act tough, which mostly involved bullying weaker players to look impressive. it was like watching a middle schooler try to flex for their crush. in reality, he just looks like an asshole, and you feel annoyed by his attempts to bully someone into submission to show off. he catches your disapproving glare and immediately tries to backtrack, but it just makes it worse.

thanos wasn’t subtle about his future plans for you. “after we win this thing, you’re coming with me,” he promised you confidently. “i’ll make you my official girl. the fans will eat it up—thanos and his queen.” he didn’t ask if you wanted that, just assumed you’d go along with it lol. nam-gyu, on the other hand, played dirtier. when thanos wasn’t around, he tried to plant seeds of doubt in your mind, leaning in to whisper confidentially. “he’s a scumbag, you know. all talk, no loyalty. don’t let him fool you,”

during meals, both of them insisted on sitting next to you, even if it meant practically wrestling each other to the ground. there were no tables, just groups eating near the bunk beds or stairs leading up to them, and you always ended up sandwiched between the two guys. thanos would slouch with his arm around your shoulders, smirking at anyone who looked your way. nam-gyu would mutter snide comments under his breath, low enough for you to hear, but not enough for thanos to notice.

then came the game “mingle,” where the players had to group up based on a random number announced over the PA system. when the voice said “two,” both thanos and nam-gyu grabbed your arm at the same time. “she’s going with me,” thanos barked, pulling you toward him. “what the fuck about me?” nam-gyu shot back, tugging you in the opposite direction. if it hadn’t been for se-mi, who quickly pulled you into a room with her (the two boys found a room next to you), the four of you would’ve fucking died.

the tension escalated at night. at first, both of them insisted on sleeping next to your bunk bed. but as time went on, they started fighting over who got to sleep in your bed. it started as bickering—“move, she doesn’t want you here,” nam-gyu would snap, trying to shove thanos aside. “speak for yourself, bro,” thanos would shoot back, climbing up anyway. it’s like a power struggle between two self-proclaimed alpha males, but it’s over you, which just feels awkward. each one tries to subtly imply their superiority by making the argument about who has the better “qualifications” to be your bunkmate. eventually, the rivalry reached its peak when they both tried to squeeze into your bed at the same time. you ended up stuck between them, neither willing to back down, and neither particularly caring how uncomfortable it made you.

despite the rivalry, the situation eventually settles into some sort of… equilibrium. neither thanos nor nam-gyu backed down completely, but they seemed to reach an unspoken agreement. the two of them started “sharing” you, like some fucked up custody arrangement.

you start to realise that maybe—just maybe—this unholy triangle might not be such a bad thing after all. meal time turned into a prelude for something else entirely. when everyone was distracted, one of them would catch your eye, silently signaling for you to follow. you’d find yourself slipping away to meet them in the bathroom stall.

thanos is all energy, and unable to shut up—being balls deep inside you, his dirty talk came easily, an endless stream of words that tumbled out in rapid succession, that had you equal parts flustered and irritated. especially with how careless he was. you’d have to kiss him just to silence him, pressing your lips to his until his words were replaced by muffled groans. whenever you grabbed his hair, his reaction was instant—a breathy whimper that only seemed to spur him on more. but almost as quickly as the sound left his lips, he was smirking, leaning in to tease you. “don’t mess it up, baby,” he’d warn, his voice playful yet smug. “this shit cost a lot to style.”

nam-gyu, in contrast, was rougher and far less interested in theatrics. he wasn’t one for words—far too focused to waste time on anything unnecessary. he had you pinned firmly against the partition wall, the cool surface digging into your back as beads of perspiration formed along his brow. the thin structure trembled violently under the sheer force of his movements, creaking with every thrust as though it might give way at any second. the silence between you was broken only by a few curses and grunts that escaped him.

[pacofprunes]

THANOS & NAMGYU NONCON HEADCANONS

WARNINGS — noncon fucking everything, drugging, i mean it’s fucked up obviously, thanos & namgyu seperate headcanons

THANOS

never in a million years did he think he’d end up in a scenario like this. he’s had tiny thoughts of doing such things when he’s gotten rejected, but now that he’s actually doing it, oh he fucking loves it.

loves to manhandle you. holding your wrists tightly in one hand, forcing your legs around his neck, having the absolute tightest grip on your hair, he absolutely lives for it.

whispers sweet nothings into your ear like this is all normal. cooing at the tears spilling from your eyes.

“no need to cry, i’ll make ya’ feel realllll good.”

marks you up everywhere. hickeys, bites, bites that draw blood, marks and scratches on your hips from his grip on you when trying to keep you from getting away…

definitely slips a pill into your mouth when he kisses you, not pulling away until he knows you’ve swallowed it.

he would love to be able to make you ride him. holding your wrists behind your back while you bounce on him. if you refuse to do so however, he’ll take his other hand and grip your hair, pulling it up as high as possible so you have to make yourself move up to stop the pain and then he just pulls your hair right back down so you smack against his balls. after he’s done that a couple times, he’s sure you’ll decide to just bounce on him without his help.

he takes pictures and videos as a souvenir. presses a deep kiss against you and snaps a picture. he snaps a picture of you on top of him while he has the tightest grip on your wrists. films a slow video showcasing all of the marks littering your body before debating weather or not to post it to his highlights or his private story.

loves slapping your pussy and cupping it in his hands. it makes you flinch away from his dick and right back down on it, doing the work for him. makes his dick twitch so much.

occasionally he likes to let go and let you try to push him away, knowing all of your efforts will be futile. it makes him laugh. but don’t push him too much. if you hit him too hard, he might loose that playful fucked up persona and just be straight fucked up, quickly becoming insanely mean. if you slap him a little too hard on the face, oh, you better believe he’s slapping you ten times harder. and as soon as he’s done and the tears slip from your eyes, he cups the red spot on your cheek, giving you a pouty lip.

“baby, shouldn’t have hit me, don’t cry at something you did! you shouldn’t live with regrets.”

this won’t be a one time thing. in fact, he wants to be with you in a relationship. it’ll probably end after like three months until he misses the times like this and forces you back in him, but this is not the last time you’ll see him. he might even rent out a hotel for a week and force you to stay there with him within those days. he’ll let you leave after the weeks up and his moneys all out, but he’s still going to stay glued to your side. makes you introduce him to your parents like he’s this perfect boyfriend when really he’s made your life a living hell and you want nothing more than to get away from him. if you tell anybody what he’s doing, the next time that he takes a quick photo with his hands wrapped around your throat, he’ll be sure to keep them there instead of letting go. you won’t even get to tell your poor family goodbye.

NAMGYU

he doesn’t particularly have fantasies of doing shit like this, but he can’t handle rejection. he’s thinking of you the rest of the night, thinking about how much of a bitch you were for saying no to him and pushing him away, his friends teasing him and pissing him off even more causes him to go through and fuck you out of your mind weather you want him to or not.

he definitely drugs you. slipping a pill that he honestly barely knows what it is into your drink. the moment he notices you have a bit of a wobble in your step he pulls you away from everyone around, leaving you oh so vulnerable to him.

he has a hand on your mouth the entire time (or his dick in it.) he doesn’t feel like listening to you bitch.

loves seeing your tears and the fear in your eyes. he hopes he fucks you up for the rest of your life. hoping that if a guy you hate asks you out, you’ll think twice about rejecting them and saying no, remembering this moment.

he doesn’t feel like having to hold you down. he wants to press his hand into your hips while the other remains on your lips, so he just gives you a simple threat.

“there’s a knife in my back pocket, i’m sure you don’t want me to use it, right? right, so i’d suggest you don’t hit me or push me away and we’re all good.”

sure he knows with the drugs in your system that your hits will do no harm to him, but he doesn’t care. don’t piss him off and maybe you’ll live and give him another chance to do this to you. also, he probably doesn’t even have a knife in his back pocket, but you didn’t need to know that.

tauntingly licks every tear that rolls down your cheek and onto his hand as he slams his hips against you, sending a taunting smirk your way.

also takes pictures and videos as a little souvenir. shoves the camera all in your face, making sure the flash is on while he adds commentary in the back.

“look at this dirty slut cryin’ all over my dick,”

“pulled me away from my friends and begged me to fuck her brains out, ain’t that right?”

of course you couldn’t respond, but so what? he simply starts laughing when you try to shake your head no. but he easily puts an end to that as he presses his palm even harder against your face, practically putting all his weight on it, threatening to break a tooth to keep you from moving your head an inch. it makes you want to reach out and stop him by grabbing his arms, but what if he really had a knife in his pocket? he told you not to touch him…

he’s a dick usually because his friends are around and he wants to impress them, but now he’s a dick to prove something to himself, to prove something to you. if you had just said yes, he’s sure he would’ve been nicer, and he lets you know that, throwing all the blame onto you.

“this is your fault you know? i asked you nicely, but you just had to be a giant bitch about it. those tears ain’t for me, they’re for your stupid decisions.”

definitely chokes you as he starts to cum in you, the end of your assault nearing. you poor thing, still so scared he’s gonna kill you that the moment you reach your hands up to stop him, you let them droop back down to your sides. the drugs already clouded your vision, the choking just darkened it even more.

when he’s done he zips his pants up before pulling yours up and dragging you to stand. he pulls you back inside the club to where his friends were, pressing a kiss against your neck in front of them.

“just had the time of our lives, didn’t we baby?”

you just nod your head as well as you can, it getting heavier and heavier by the minute. bragging to his friends about how they clearly shouldn’t have doubted him. he throws you on a chair somewhere and goes about his night. if some other guy wanted to have a turn with you, he gave them all the tools they needed. wasn’t his problem any longer!

he expects that next time he sees you at a party (or somehow in public) and he asks to fuck, you won’t say no. don’t make it any harder than it needs to be.

[fangsandfeels]

It's not that Rook as a project manager/leader/decision-maker doesn't work or has no value. However, what bothers me is that Rook feels like they literally exist to fulfill that role, but they have no part in the story.

For instance, in DAO Warden ends up with the mission to save Ferelden because there is nobody else. The King is dead, their Grey Warden mentor is dead, everyone is too busy playing politics - and the Warden just happened to survive. However, at the same time, they also have stakes of their own. They all have their reasons to go on, to do all that:

Cousland: "I will find and kill Howe for what he did to my family"

Aeducan: "I will take back my throne from my traitor brother"

Tabris: "If darkspawn reach Denerim, nobody will bother to protect the Alienage, so I must do my best for Shianni and all the people there" // "I will kill every fucking shem in my way and I'm not letting the Blight take it from me"

Mahariel: "I lost my best friend to the taint and I almost died myself. I must make sure my people are safe from it, whatever it takes."

Amell: "I narrowly avoided the Rite of Tranquility in my own Circle and there is no place for me anywhere else, so I better get used to this Grey Warden thing" // "Fuck yeah! I got my freedom and no templars, no darkspawn will ruin it for me!"

Surana: "I narrowly avoided the Rite of Tranquility in my own Circle and there is no place for me anywhere else because I am a mage and as an elf I have slim chances of not being harassed in the first place. I really need to make this Grey Warden thing work."

Brosca: "I didn't survive this long just to die here. I will keep climbing out of this pit and nobody will ever look down on me"

These reasons make the Warden more than just a placeholder for team leader - they make the Warden a person with their unique struggles, motivations, and experiences.

In DAI, the Inquisitor is less detailed, but they are put in a unique situation - they have The Thing in their hand and now people think they're the Messiah. Also, the local Pope is dead, there is a gaping hole in the sky and people are losing their shit, and The Thing seems to be the key to dealing with all of that, so the Inquisitor literally has to be the leader.

(Let's ignore the fact that the Inquisitor is also appointed the leader because they can be conveniently turned into a scapegoat for the enraged mob should something go wrong.)

The Inquisitor can be a fierce believer committed to the cause. They can be a reluctant leader and a loud non-believer, but their motivation is clear: I'm dealing with this shit not just because it threatens the world, but also it affected me personally.

Rook, however? They lack that nuance and range. They join Varric behind the scenes for no other reason than "cuz saving our planet is a thing to do!". Moreover, somehow they instantly buy Varric's story that must sound like some tinfoil hat level insanity:

"Alright, so elven gods are real and one of them is hanging around right now and he wants to explode the Veil and drown the word in demons. Wanna join me and stop him? It'll be fun. Yeah, he is literally a god who can kill you in your sleep and you're the only person I've recruited so far, I think our odds are good."

After all, in DAO the darkspawn threat is obvious and very hard to ignore: Mahariel gets the firsthand experience, Aeducan and Brosca' city is literally under constant threat, and the rest of Wardens get a glimpse of what the darkspawn will do to Ferelden in Orzammar. There is no denying the necessity to fight them. But Solas, though? He is subtle. Racism and prejudice against elves play in his favor. The only people who understand the threat are the ones he revealed his secret to.

So, why does Rook join Varric without a shadow of doubt, especially if they aren't even exiled from their faction (more like asked to take a break)? They obviously has a place to return to and things to do, why get yourself involved?

In other words, Rook lacks personal reasons and deeper motivation to go after Solas, which makes them look inauthentic and awkward (even though they're supposed to be capable and skilled) because there is no essence to their interactions.

Moreover, there could be reasons.

Maybe, they lost someone due to Solas' machinations and actions, they realized that there was something mysterious about the tragedy and felt like they were going insane until they crossed paths with Varric who gave them answers.

Maybe they got framed by Solas' spies and lost their place in their faction, their political status, everything - so they literally have no other option but to start beef with a literal god.

Maybe they were one of the slaves freed by Solas' agents but realized that he expects them to die for him now, which rubbed them the wrong way.

It is a compelling reason: to find the mysterious and supposedly powerful being, to be able to thwart its scheming, to ask "Remember me?" right in their face or to demand answers. It's a powerful motivation to keep going, to gather allies and work with people. It would have even made Solas getting stuck in Rook's head more impactful and allowed for more personal and sharper conversations.

In fact, now I think that if Rook got absolutely wrecked due to Solas actions (as a collateral damage) and became a down on their luck depressed mess or a restless seeker of answers putting themselves into dangerous situations, it would have made for a much more protagonist.

What’s really jumping out at me on my second playthrough is that the writers of the first three games understood that your character was the main character. The Veilguard writers clearly thought that the main characters were their characters, the companions.

Every scene is about setting the companions up as cool or competent or sympathetic. Often, this is done at Rook’s expense. The companions get all the witty one-liners; Rook’s attempts at humor not only frequently fall flat, but are frequently called out for falling flat (even when they’re completely automatic and the player has no say in them).

The companions have all the knowledge and skills; Rook just brought them all together and gives them all pep talks so they can focus. I’m trying to edit out all of the comments where Rook is like “Um… what????” from my videos, and let me tell you, it takes WORK. There are A LOT of them. I can count on one hand the number of times when the Inquisitor or Hawke comes across as dumb, but it seems to be a built-in, unavoidable part of Rook’s character. I have not selected a single “purple” option in all of Act 1, and Rook is still coming across as the kid who tries to be the class clown to cover for the fact that he’s always confused. Rook’s role in most scenes is to say “Uhhh… what?” so that the companions look smart.

Rook is always the one offering sympathy and never the one getting it. No one actually comes to comfort you after Varric’s death. No one asks you how you’re feeling about having to lead the team now that Varric is gone. No one tries to reassure you or give you advice for dealing with the trickster god haunting your dreams. We’re told that Neve could keep Solas out of your head, but she never actually offers to do this for you. No one comforts a Shadow Dragon Rook when Minrathous is destroyed or a Grey Warden Rook when Weisshaupt is destroyed. Rook’s problems don’t matter. Only the problems of main characters matter.

Rook is a secondary character in their own story.

[ihrthoney]

for us

pairings: namgyu x preg!reader

warnings: angst & fluff :p

an: i started my first big girl job but im motivated so ill try to post more :)! i haven’t posted in a minute and i hate pregnancy tropes but i make the exception for squid games lol. i will make a part two!

nam-gyu was many things, an addict, a partier, an idiot and a sweetheart. the sweetest ever, actually.

unfortunately for you you worked at club pentagon, which is how you met the physical embodiment of an acid trip.

who he was when he was sober was something you cherished and kept close to your heart. it wasn’t hard to weave your way into his rotten lungs, but soon enough you became his air, his new high.

after learning you never did substances, he switched positions at the club and asked you to get a safer job, not wanting you to inevitably cave to the horrible things that he tries.

you scold him of course, reprimand him and argue about hating how he acted when under the influence. for a while he managed to stop, wanting something serious and stable.

but then he met thanos, he came home obnoxiously intoxicated. nam-gyu was so star struck that he saw a famous rapper that he didn’t understand why you locked him out of the room, until he woke up the next morning with a headache he only got when he was on drugs.

apologies spewed out of his mouth, wishing for a second chance. his wish was granted, he found another outlet for “extra money” and promised you both a fresh start.

until the extra money vanished off the face of the earth and now he was in incredible debt.

the few months of bliss now gone, thoughts of continuing such an unstable relationship this far into life didn’t seem like a good idea. the arguments were bad, mostly on your end as you couldn’t get him to stop begging and spilling empty promises,

“i’ll make the money back and i’ll work harder to make more for you, please baby i’m so sorry.” the sight of him on his knees and holding your legs would’ve been kind of sweet if this wasn’t the millionth time he’s promised to be better.

to his disappointment, you walked out of his life that night, asking him to only find you when he grew up.

he was determined to make the money back, nam-gyu had no hesitation when calling the number on the card.

-

seeing thanos’ face on the big screen in the unfamiliar room brought a bitter taste in your mouth. you felt bad, seeing as he had the talent but like your ex he succumbed to the high instead.

your ex. that fucking moron. that piece of shit doesn’t even know you’re carrying his damn kid.

a week after you walked out of his life, you guys met up one time to exchange clothes and what not but one thing lead to another and here you were in hospital debt. finding a stable job was hard, especially when you worked as a bartender most of your adult life.

the stress was eating you alive, renting the nice place you had was not cheap and the nice landlord could only be nice for so long because you had to start paying more.

the past few months have been rough and you really wish you had the support of your ex even if he wasn’t the greatest, he was yours and that’s all that really mattered.

standing in line to sign the consent forms made you nauseous, afraid of what’s to come. as you’re walking back to your bed, you get stopped by a hand on your shoulder,

“yn?”

you feel your heartbeat quicken as you turn around and look at your ex boyfriend.

“why are you here?” his hand is still on your shoulder, slightly moving up and down your arm.

he always had a thing for keeping a hand on you, he said it grounded him.

“the same reason everyone is, debt.”

the expression on his face makes your chest ache, he looks so concerned that it makes you a wee bit mad, “what debt are you in? you’ve always been financially responsible!”

he was right, out of you two you made the smarter choices. it dawned on you that you had yet to tell him you’re pregnant with his kid.

“yn? what happened? did someone scam you? i know some people that could find them.” his tone deepening as he becomes more serious, “no! it’s not like that. it’s complicated..”

the worry in your voice makes his eyes fill with worry, “baby, you can tell me.” the name makes you push away from him but the distance is immediately gone as he closes it, pulling your hands into his own. you can’t look him in the eye, scared he’s going to be mad at you.

you’re going to keep it no matter what but the thought of him hating you and your kid makes your heart crack.

the swirled hormones make everything seem so much more intense, tears start to fill your eyes which makes his widen. his hands, ever so warm, hold your face and tilt it so you’re looking at him.

“what’s wrong, i’m here ba-“

“i’m pregnant, nam-gyu.” he pulls his hands off of your face like he was burned, an expression of hurt and anger swirls in his eyes,

“who’s the father?” you look at him like he’s stupid, which only makes him more upset. “why are you looking at me like that?”

does he seriously think i got with someone else?

nam-gyu is distraught, the thought of you no longer being in love with him makes him sick. the fact that you’re carrying someone else’s child makes any will to live disappear. suddenly he doesn’t care that he owes money to anyone, there’s no chance to get you back. “does he treat you well? are you happier?”

“i’m not seeing anyone new, nam-gyu.”

“you shouldn’t be playing games if you’re pregnant. you could hurt yourself or the baby.”

despite his own lack of rationality when making choices, he was always so careful with you.

you threw any rationality you had and spit out the truth,

“it’s yours.”

now he was looking at you like you were stupid, “what?”

“the baby. it’s yours. you’re the father. i’m carrying your child.” he blinks at you slowly, taking in the information you just dropped on him,

“it’s.. you’re carrying.. our baby?” nodding your head, you step forward and take his hand and guide it to your stomach.

“after we broke up, i started to feel sick so i took a test. i didn’t know what to do, i couldn’t find a good job near my place, moving is too expensive, i was afraid to reach out to you. i owe the hospital so much because i’m paying by month but i ran out of savings and then this guy came up to me and gave me a card to make money.”

by the end of your ramble, nam-gyu pulled you in for a tight hug, smoothing your back with his hand. softly, he coos into your hair, “i would’ve never denied you. had you called, we could’ve figured this shit out together.”

you argued back, “how was i supposed to know that? you promised me over and over again but nothing changed!”

despite missing the warmth, you again create a distance by pushing him away from you, although it’s no use given how he holds your arms but he still keeps the distance out of respect for you.

“i have changed! i’m here, i’m going to win that money and i’ll take care of you.” his eyes plead, the hands that hold you start to shake.

“you’ll win it? alone?” the logic hits him and he laughs at his own idiocy, “we’ll win, i’ll make sure we both get out of here. we can put the money together. it’ll be more than enough for us to start over!”

you’re skeptical, sure the chance of winning is there but.. is your trust in him still there?

“if we win-“

his hands move from your arms to your stomach, “when baby, when we win-“

your eyes roll at his optimism, “if and when we win, you need to quit drugs. cold turkey. no excuses, no more second chances. if you so much as look at a drug, i will kill you and raise this kid alone, do you understand me?”

he mocks a soldier, hand to his head and stance straight, “yes ma’am!” the pose barely lasts as he starts to giggle, following you to your bed while holding onto your hand.

there was more to come, you had a feeling that much money wouldn’t come so easy, but things felt just a tad easier with him.

© ihrthoney. reblogs & feedback are greatly appreciated𑁤

[webslingingslasher]

j! its been so long but omg hi

i was super obsessed with ur frat!peter hows he doing?

i just saw a tiktok that was about a frat boy yelling at a party “if youre not a brother or fucking a brother, then get the fuck out!” has this been brought up in the frat!peter circle?

i have so many scenarios in my mind like at the different stages! when they first started and trouble isnt super stable in the relationship and she goes to head out but peter (or ethan omg) grabs her arm and hes like ur part of that demographic trouble. im melting 🫠

or when theyre like broken up/taking a break and she goes to leave and peter goes all sad puppy dog eyes :((

omg yes queen::

*a little something ya'll can wake up to. <3

---

'if you're not a brother or fucking a brother, then get the fuck out!'

you hold in a sigh, the party's over. ally won't make it home with you tonight, she ditched you thirty minutes ago to 'go with matty,' aka, you won't see her again until tomorrow.

you glance down at your drink and debate chugging it, if you do you know you'll leave with a woozy stomach. you take two sips and dump the cup in the kitchen trash, it sends two empty beer cans falling, you shrug at the mess and keep walking.

a girl stumbles into your shoulder and profusely apologizes with tears in her eyes, you keep telling her it's okay but she doesn't let it go until her boyfriend nudges her out of the house.

the house music cuts, any stragglers were just seriously kicked out. you follow the crowd and prepare for the cold walk home, a hand loops around your upper arm before you can get through the threshold.

'where do you think you're going?' you turn around and grin at your friend. 'home? where are you going?'

'also home. i'm just waiting for everyone to clear out first.' ethan pulls you away from the dwindling party. 'you know, brother duties.' he sends a wink your way, you nod along like you understand.

'yeah, but i'm not a brother so i don't think i should help with that.'

ethan stops you again. 'parker is a brother, yes?' he is. he's also not there tonight. something about going to queens being more important than the typical friday night party. 'he is.'

'and you're fucking him, right?' you love when ethan has a little liquor in him. 'i am.'

'okay, so then you fit the requirements. hang back with me and we can go to my place together.' it's not a hard sell but you'll act like it is. 'are you sure? peter's not even here, do those rules still apply?'

'i'm a god damn chapter officer, i get to make the rules and it's everyone else's job to follow them. how about that?' you pat ethan's shoulder, you're not arguing one bit.

'can't fight you on that, can i? you twisted my arm good enough, lorax. i'm yours until peter gets home.' ethan holds out his hand, you shake it like it's a business deal.

'good. he told me to make sure you stayed.' he says it with a wink, a gentle suggestion he wasn't supposed to tell you that but you're glad he did. it makes you warm thinking peter didn't want you to feel excluded, especially because he was missing in action tonight.

'well... i am fucking a brother, right?'

'you are. and you know what that means? you have to stay here after every party.' he says it like it's a bad thing but you can get used to being on an exclusive guest list.

it feels nice. so, ‘hell yeah.’

-- vs. after the breakup--

'if you're not a brother or fucking a brother, then get the fuck out!'

hearing it makes you sad. no one's going to make you stay or tell you that those exceptions still apply to you. ally gets to stay here and you have to tuck your tail between your legs and scoot out the door.

'i can leave with you.' your best friend is kind for offering, you're an even better friend for saying no. 'that's okay, stay with matt.'

'are you sure? you shouldn't have to walk out of here alone, that kinda blows.' it does and you don't like the reminder. you'd prefer if ally stays, actually. you don't want her pity.

'it's fine. beats the alternative, right?' she looks at you to say what the alternative is, you do it with a sigh. 'fucking peter. that's my other option.'

'who said it had to be peter? there's like forty guys in the frat and you're buddies with at least five, take your pick.' you've thought about it but frat boys, especially the ones from sig nu, make you queasy.

'it's fine, ally-cat. i'll walk back with one of the other girls in our dorm.' the same faces you see in the hallway at your dorm are gathering their stuff to leave, they'll have no issue with you tagging along. 'boo. i miss when we would have frat house sleepovers.'

'good. blame peter.'

'and i do. he hates to see me coming his way, he really does.'

another brother screams out the same line, you frown and decide to leave while you still have friends in eye-distance. when you reach the door you look behind one last time to send a wave to your best friend. ally sends one back and blows a kiss with it. you catch it and slam it to your cheek, she giggles, you grin. your eyes flit up to the stairs, someone's already watching you.

peter sends you a sorry smile, he hates that you don't get to stick around anymore either. you match his melancholy and give him a shrug, more like a 'whatcha gonna do?' vibe. rules are rules and you're no longer a fitting member for the requirements they need.

'you can stay.' peter mouths it, you pretend not to know what he just said. 'wait.' you're still pretending, you turn around and walk a little faster down the steps- peter catches you on the bottom step.

'i said you can stay.' you have no reason to stay behind. you're not a brother and you're no longer involved with one. you point to an imaginary watch on your wrist, 'i'm about to turn into a pumpkin.'

'yeah, you almost left a shoe running out of here so fast, cinderella.'

you grin, 'i'm just following the rules.'

peter wavers his stance, he doesn't care who said what- he wants you to hang around a little bit more. he likes seeing you around. 'you're still included. i mean, we're involved, aren't we?'

you look at him like he's crazy, you swear you see him blush before he starts fumbling over his words. 'i just meant that i'm not moving on and you're not moving on and i'm trying to get things back to how they were- no, wait, i'm trying to get things better than they were before. not that they were bad! well, i mean they were bad but not... trouble, help me out here, you know what i mean.'

you do. you just like ignoring it. 'you're cute when you grovel for me.'

'i'll get on my knees right fucking now.' he's not even drunk and he's willing to beg for you in front of his party goers. you have to hold in a smirk of pride. 'to ask me to stay or to convince me with your mouth?'

peter's eyebrows raise, 'if you're asking me to go down on you the answer is yes. it's very much a yes, my place or yours? fuck it, let's go to the bathroom.' you're halfway back inside before you realize what you started.

you rip your hand away from peter, you refuse to go back to what it was. you need more than a few apologies to make you crawl back into his bed, you need a real confession. 'nuh uh, not happening. not in a damn bathroom.'

'okay, that's fine, my place is closer.'

you have to stop yourself from following him a second time. 'no, wait! i meant no, it's not happening. period.'

'i don't care if you're on your period, i'll still do it. that's how committed i am to you.' you manage to keep from gagging at the visual, instead you shove peter's shoulder. 'ew! you're so gross! i'm not on my period, you dolt. i'm just not having sex with you.'

'cool, don't have sex with me, let me just show you i can still make you come in under five minutes.' he has no idea how tempting it is. you're being braver saying no than he is for asking, post-breakup included.

'go find another girl, i'm sure there's a whole line-up waiting to get picked on.' peter's nose wrinkles, he doesn't even think of it as a cheap shot. 'gross, other girls are icky.'

you shut it down. 'peter, i'm not a brother and i haven't touched you in two months. there's no reason for me to still be here, goodnight.' you try to leave, a whine follows behind you.

'but you're still-'

but you're not, no matter how much he says it.

'if you changed the rule to 'if you're not a brother, fucking a brother, or used to fuck a brother, then get the fuck out!' how many girls would stand around and wait on you?' peter looks at you, he doesn't say anything and silence always screams that you're right.

'mhm. rules are rules, goodnight.'

there's a sense of succeeding when all you get is a wistful goodbye behind you. it lasts until the next week when the routine friday night party comes to an end with the normal call.

'if you're not a brother, fucking a brother, or go by trouble, then get the fuck out!'

ally squeals and tells you 'that's you!' but you're too busy glaring at peter's smug face to celebrate. it's his turn to shrug, his mouth forms four words that fuck you over.

'rules are rules, trouble.' 

[kooggukk]

𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 BEYOND THE JOB // JJK

daddy jungkook (literally)

; babysitting the cutest angel on earth is the perfect job. (except when her father is fucking hot and wants all of you)

+ comment if u wnna be added to the taglist

— 1/??

“seriously though, you have to fuckin’ quit that job already.”

Sasha, who happens to be your best friend ever since you started working at the local elementary school, just lectured you again. she was already teaching there when you arrived, you spent your lunch breaks with her and even be each other’s substitute sometimes.

surprisingly, she quit a few months after that. you stayed close though. at first, she was dying to know the drama happening among the teaching staff, but as shit kept going down which included you and the principal, all you ever hear from her is that you need to quit.

it wasn’t a huge surprise to her when you first told her your boss, aka the school’s principal, asked you out. it was weird, but everyone knew he was.. a little desperate. he had asked most of the female teachers out, some who agreed could only say bad things about the experience.

you declined his offer politely, explaining that you don’t want your personal life to mix with your job. it was awkward after that, but turns out he seems to be the dumbest person on earth. he asked you out two weeks after that, again.

still to this day, he keeps asking you out over and over and you keep rejecting him over and over again. sure, he got a lil’ crush on you, sweet, right? fuck no. he’s a pervert, doesn’t know what personal space is.

“but i need the money. i don’t know where else i could get such good salary.” you told her, for the nth time.

“be a stripper,” Sasha casually said, sipping on her diet coke while your eyes widened.

“don’t say nonsense, dafuq..” you both shared a giggle, but you definitely won’t put that job idea on the bottom of your list. maybe in the middle, or top 5. if you really can’t find a good place, then gotta be top 3.

“you could be one until you save enough money, then look for a less crazy one.”

“there’s never enough money, sasha.” you sighed, fuck inflation. when you grew up and finished studying, you realized the hardest part of being an adult was money. it’s crazy how difficult it is to make a living.

“if you don’t give in your quitting notice tomorrow, i’m gonna do it for you instead.” she narrowed her eyes at you.

“i don’t want to make a decision too quick. not until i know i can find another job.”

“quit.”

“no.”

“quit.”

“no.”

“quit.”

…

“okay.”

she squealed in her chair, gaining some attention on the two of you.

“if you dare to lie to me right now, i’m gonna make you eat your own shit.”

you kicked her under the table, sending her a glare. “behave, bitch.”

┈ ⪩⪨   ┈

“oh, __! what brings you here today?” your boss, sehun immediately stood up from his chair, ready to greet you with a hug.

panicking, you reached your hand out with a paper, catching his attention. “this is..?”

“my resignation notice, sir.”

“your what?”

he took the paper from your grip, examining it carefully. his eyebrows fell together, eyes scanning every single word.

he backed up, resting on the edge of his table. he looked at the paper again, rereading the first sentence.

‘Kindly accept this letter as my formal resignation…’

“are you sure, __?” he asked, putting the paper on his table. he crossed his arms, frustration written on his face.

you fixed your hair, giving him a firm nod. “yeah, i’ve been thinking of it for a while now.”

“i’m glad i could be a part of this amazing team, but i just feel like,” you struggled to find the words, obviously you didn’t want to tell in his face.

‘aye bruh, stop bein’ a pervert and you might stop losing your workers’

“look, teaching isn’t my thing. and i feel horrible to find that out so late.”

“well, if your passion for teaching ever comes back, you’re more than welcomed here.”

“thank you,” you smiled, because even though he’s the most annoying person you’ve ever met, your co-workers have always been kind to you.

the children also love you, and you’re extremely thankful for all the support and love you got from everyone.

during the usual lunch break, you co-workers heard the news too. they all wished you the best with a hug, some getting emotional too.

officially, this was your last week working at the school.

when you got home, sasha sent you a link to an advertisement.

‘looking for a nanny’

you laughed, dialing her contact. didn’t take her long to answer, obviously. she’s always on her damn phone, even when working.

“you can’t be serious. a nanny?” you laughed, finding the idea of you with a kid ridiculous.

“have you seen the description? girl, they pay damn well!” she said, followed by her exhaling.

“didn’t you say you’re gonna stop smoking?”

“i stopped. for three hours.”

you shook your head, putting her on speaker as you clicked the advertisement.

“170.000₩?” you blurted out loud, “a day?!” sasha hummed on the other side of the call.

“told ya’..”

“that’s.. nice. woah, yeah, nice.” you mumbled as you continued to read the requirements and some important details about the job.

“give it a try.” sasha said, but your eyes caught a sentence.

“they want someone with experience, as expected.” you let out a long sigh and fell back on your bed.

“you got the experience.”

“me? sasha, i never looked after a kid-“

“you work with kids. first and second graders. and they all fuckin’ love you.”

“that’s different.” you groaned.

“it’s not. a kid is a kid. 3 year olds are just as damn annoying as 7 year olds. prove me wrong..”

you laughed, she was right. they can be a huge pain in the ass, but they have the purest soul.

“true.”

“give it a try, __.” she said again, calling you by your name. oh she’s serious serious.

“yeah, i might call tomorrow then.”

“might? no, you will.” she corrected you and you rolled your eyes.

“sure.”

you called them the next day after considering it for half a day, being the typical embarrassment, you called at the wrong time.

the man was in a hurry, so you both just quickly agree on a time to meet in person. that happened to be the day after.

you looked at the address one more time after you got off the bus, realizing it was more of a wealthy neighborhood. you only had to walk about 5 minutes until you got there, hesitantly but you pressed the bell.

a tall, young man opened the door. his skin is smooth and fair, almost perfect. his hair dark, slightly wavy which was styled in a mullet cut, longer at the back.

his choice in clothes seemed to be rich, a white ribbed polo shirt with short sleeves, causing your eyes to drop to his sleeve tattoo in a second. he paired it with black tailored trousers.

“hey, you must be __?” he asked with uncertainty and you came back to life, smiling to him.

“yeah, i am.”

“great, come in.”

he stepped aside and you walked in, taking off your shoes and jacket.

the house was oddly barely decorated, not a single picture or painting on the walls, very few plants, which you’re sure are fake plants also. the house wasn’t really colorful, most of the furnitures are bright. like beige and cream white.

“would you like a drink? water, tea, soda? maybe coffee?” he suggested as he walked in front of you, leading you to the living room.

“no, thank you.” you politely refused, feeling a little.. off in such a nice home. not something you’re used to.

you sat down on the couch, carefully not to mess the neatly placed pillows behind. god you looked so uncomfortable and awkward.

“i’d like to introduce myself again, in person this time.” he spoke as he sat down on the armchair, next to the couch.

“i’m jeon jungkook, 27. i’m a dentist in the center of seoul. i’m the father of a sweet angel, nabi. she turns 5 in a few weeks, we could say she’s in her, erm,” he struggled to find an appropriate word.

“crazy phase?” you asked with a smile.

“yeah, something like that. she’s been loud lately, that’s all.” he chuckled, resting his arms on his knees.

you nodded and held your small bag tightly, “i’d like to introduce myself better too, then.”

“i’m __, 24 and i currently work at an elementary school. i handed in my resignation letter and this is my last week as a teacher, so i’m searching for a new job currently.”

you paused, hesitant what else to say.

“elementary school? so, you work with kids?”

“yes, first and second grade.”

after a few minutes of getting to know each other more, a little girl, most likely his daughter, walked down the stairs with her sleepy appearance.

“oh!” she stopped the moment she saw you, the tiredness leaving her eyes.

“nabi, c’mere.” jungkook held out his hand, “this is __. what do you say?” he asked her, holding her tiny hands.

“hello.” she greeted you and you smiled, her shyness is adorable.

“hi.”

“__ is here because she would like to look after you.” he said and she looked up to him so fast, you thought her neck would snap.

“daddy, are you leeving me?” she gasped and jungkook chuckled at her words, shaking his head.

“no, but when i’m at work, someone needs to be here and take care of you. how about __, does she seem nice? hm?”

the little girl shrugged, hugging her father’s arm. he sent her back to the bedroom, saying he would be there soon too.

“well, she’s a little shy at first but, i think she’s gonna open up fast.” he smiled and stood up, your eyes widening a bit and you stood up too.

“does that mean, i got the job?”

“see you next monday?” he asked and you almost started jumping, but you held back. instead, you gave him a huge smile and nodded.

“monday then.”

[justallihere]

Okay, I did some laundry, I've had lunch, I've breathed fresh air and taken some deep breaths (did not touch any grass because it's covered in snow), and we're back. My wrap up thoughts of Onyx Storm are below! Be warned it's chock full of spoilers, and these are all my honest opinions. I haven't even given this a rating yet because I don't really know what I want to rate it! Nothing's really in order so sorry about that. But I look forward to hearing everyone else's thoughts!

I loved that the importance of the bond between dragon and human was emphasized so heavily in this book. That Asher called Aimsir Lilith's first love, Violet telling Tairn he's the gift of her life, that even Halden knew that the true barrier to her would be the dragon bond - and especially that when Xaden channeled again, in a way that he knew would irreversibly damn him, he did it for Sgaeyl. To keep her safe, because she chose him before and above everyone else.

I adored the Riorgail of it all. They were open and honest with each other, saying I love you practically every other breath, declaring their loyalty and devotion to each other in front of anyone who would listen. I loved that we got them as a team, facing stuff together and trusting that what they couldn't the other could handle it.

On the other hand, it may just be me but they didn't quite feel like themselves. Maybe because it was the first time we've truly seen them be public about their feelings, but they didn't feel like the same Xaden and Violet from the previous two books. Xaden felt so intense that everything he said gave me anxiety, devoted to the point of obsession. I would actually call Violet morally gray here, but it came out of nowhere; there wasn't a great transition into that change in her character, none of the hesitation or guilt I'd expect.

In short, they kind of felt like my Xaden and Violet and not canon? I loved them, but I'm not sure it matches what we know of them from FW and IF and the change in character didn't feel entirely smooth.

But Xaden IS her sword!!!!

The worldbuilding was ridiculous. Violet was dropping facts left right and center like the details of the aristocracy and politics at play were common knowledge - and maybe they are in world, but if they're that obvious then I feel like those details should've been worked into earlier books. I felt like I was floundering trying to keep up with all the new names and titles and roles.

In the same vein, the lore about magic made no sense. So only the Continent has magic but why? Was it drained from other places? Does it only occur naturally in certain areas? Dragons don't have magic that exists within them - they also draw from the source which? Hello hypocrites much? That was another thing that was said so casually, but that should've been one of those things we learned in Fourth Wing, at Threshing or right after.

There was too much happening with the plot to the point that I lost it completely. The trips to the isles were overwhelming. I know the venin and the irids were tied together, but those two things competed so much that I kept forgetting about whichever one we weren't talking about. Literally just. . . forgot about the venin there for a bit in the middle. We were looking for a cure but we were looking for Andarna's kind but we were trying to stop the venin and we were also gathering allies and making trade deals and none of those points were fleshed out completely.

The ending was vague and confusing in a way that made me frustrated instead of interested or anticipatory. I read the last two chapters three times and I still don't know what the fuck was going on there. So the Sage is. . . Fen? Is Garrick the one who also turned? Bodhi? Brennan? Ridoc? Fuck if I know. I understand the point of the marriage, to give Violet control over Tyrrendor legally, but I'm also pissed at the way it happened.

I know we don't want anyone to actually die, but I literally didn't even flinch when Mira's throat got cut open because I figured she'd be fine. There were no important deaths. Trager and Quinn didn't hit that hard. Not putting any of the main characters in significant danger makes the stakes feel lower than they should.

The fan service made me roll my eyes. I get it to a certain extent, but there were several times when I legitimately kind of felt like RY had been in fandom spaces or someone on her team was just feeding her popular theories to include.

The marked ones having second signets was. . . not my favorite choice, because logistically it doesn't make much sense. We should statistically see at least one of them go mad from the power instead of developing a second signet. And I actually think if that had been included it would have been more interesting! I'd like to see the reality of the risks that were taken to make the rebellion happen, but instead they just got really really lucky a bunch of times?

The use of the word Riorgail in print sent me to the fucking moon. No.

Violet's second signet. . . I don't want to talk about it.

Actually no I do. Since when are signets based on situational need and not who a person is at their core? Was that not what we were told previously? Am I tripping? I don't mind the power itself but I am confused.

Professor Riorson had me on the ground laughing. What the hell was that. There are enough barriers to their relationship, and that one felt too forced (but great fodder for smutty fic).

The characters and their relationships are the standout of the book and the series. I already said I loved Xaden and Violet here, but I also loved their friendships and how real especially the relationship with Brennan and Mira and Violet felt. The humor and the quips and the squad's constant support of each other was wonderful.

I'm holding onto those Sloane and Dain crumbs like a teddy bear you all have no idea. I love them.

Aaric being the one with precognition I didn't see coming, but I surprisingly liked it! I loved him stepping more into his role as prince and seeing how cunning and smart he really is.

Halden was unnecessary but I live for possessive and jealous Xaden.

Overall I think the pacing was crammed and the worldbuilding left me with more questions than answers, but did I still like it? Yes! I don't think it's my favorite in the series but it still was an enjoyable read. I'll want to read it again at some point I think, but not immediately!

[beatrixst0nehill]

Ethan knocked on Laura's desk, stirring her as she started nodding off to sleep. "Rise and shine, darling!"

"Oh, Mr. Henderson, sorry! I wasn't sleeping, I just.... I probably need a coffee."

"Why not get up and get one?"

Laura blushed. "Ummmm..... I, uh..... I'd rather not get up."

"Now why's that? And straighten up your back, your posture is getting terrible, darling."

Laura tried to sit up straight but didn't quite make it as the weight of her thirty-pound breasts lifted off her desk. "I'll try.... it's getting a bit hard to carry these things."

"Nonsense, you aren't even that large yet, Kim in accounting has breasts double your size and she's fine."

"She uses a wheelchair...."

"See? You just need to get inventive. And if you want to keep earning a paycheck with my company you better not get any funny ideas about skipping your supplements."

"I know, I know..... I like working here. It's just kind of hard to grow such big boobs so fast. I'm not used to it, is all."

"Well, you better be grateful, darling. Since Prop 845 passed, I could technically make extreme pregnancy mandatory or even have you strapped into a fuck machine all shift. I could tell our company insurance to prescribe almost anything to you, or perform any surgery. There are plenty of companies where every female employee is turned into a quad amputee!"

"I know.... Thank you for taking pity on us...... I'm happy to grow such massive breasts for you and all my coworkers to enjoy."

"That's the spirit." Ethan placed his hand on Laura's breasts, squeezing it. "My, they are getting nice and full aren't they."

"Yeah....." Laura blushed and nodded submissively.

"Now you get back to work, but I better not see you dozing off!"

"I know, I just..... these company parties are taking it out of me! It's a struggle to carry my boobs around but to perform for so many men almost every work night until 1am! Sir...... My whole body aches."

"I know, you are quite the trooper, and you're getting very popular with your coworkers. It's impressive watching that pussy and ass of yours take so many hours of abuse in a row. You're quite the seasoned little nymph."

"I don't have much choice...."

"All while carrying these little rays of sunshine." He forcibly pushed back her shoulders, pushing her back in her seat a couple feet, revealing her big round belly sticking out, covered in stretch marks, babies kicking and squirming inside. He held her shoulders up, head tilted back as he kissed her neck smacking her belly a few times. "I appreciate your commitment to the company by getting nice and pregnant from our staff parties."

"I-I don't really have much choice, sir. They fill my pussy up for hours on end every work night......"

"Good girl. I like to think of us as one big family at this company." He squeezed one of her overgrown breasts, causing it to squirt milk through her top. "I'm the dad, and you're the cum-rag little sister we all use to relieve ourselves in." He arched her back more, kissing her on the lips from behind.

Laura tensed up, tapping on his hand holding her shoulders back, the strain from her breasts and belly feeling unbearable. "Ummm! Sir, please let go!"

"Nonsense, darling. Let's have some--"

Laura gasped as a loud click came from her neck. "!!! What was that!?"

"Oh dear, that didn't sound good. I told you sleeping at your desk wasn't a good idea....."

"Uhhhh, I can't feel my arms or legs! Wh-What's going on?"

Ethan smiled, propping her against the back of her chair. He roughly squeezed both of her breasts. "Can you feel that?"

She shook her head. "No...."

"How about this?" He slapped her pregnant belly as hard as he could, so the whole office could hear.

"Nothing.... Mr. Henderson....! I can't feel anything. I can't move anything below my neck!"

"Awwww, poor thing." He suddenly wheeled her out in front of the whole floor. "Announcement everyone. Announcement! Ms. Laura Davis's back just snapped from her unwavering dedication to our company and its bottom line! This is the kind of commitment I want to see from you girls. Now our Laura will need help doing everything from going to the restroom, to getting around the office. Hey, Mason, can you train Ms. Davis on how to use our ocular computer software so she can get back to her remarkable data entry skills. And feel free to have some fun with her along the way, not like she can get up and stop you. From now on, Ms. Davis is free use, I'll be promoting her as our new Stress Relief Expert as of this afternoon! Congratulations, Laura."

The whole floor erupted into applause as people walked up to Laura, congratulating her one by one, some lifted her hand, others grabbed her breasts or rubbed her belly as they congratulated her. Laura gracefully nodded and thanked all of her coworkers, blushing deep red.

One guy reached between her legs, fondling her wet sex. "No reason to hold back anymore, we can go all out and you won't feel a thing. Can't wait to bring the guys to the company party tonight. We're gonna have some serious fun now, girlie."

Laura gulped and nodded. "I-I can't wait.... I'll do my best to satisfy you..... even if I won't feel a thing," she said, almost relieved she won't have to feel every guy at the company relentlessly pound her ass and pussy for hours every work night.... Laura smiled gratefully, thinking to herself it'll be kind of fun to just watch everything happen to her body instead of having to endure it. Even if she'll miss cumming over and over....

[the-court-of-dreams]

ONYX STORM SPOILERS

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Quotes that KILLED ME in Onyx Storm

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1)

To the ones who don’t run with the popular crowd, the ones who get caught reading under their desks, the ones who feel like they never get invited, included, or represented. Get your leathers. We have dragons to ride.

Books have always been a safe place for me. I still remember picking up The Hobbit when I was still a kid, closing my bedroom door and going on an adventure. I'm almost 25 now and I still love going on adventures. From magic schools to institutes, hidden cities to castles, forests to enormous capitals. With cars and ships and horses and broomsticks and dragons. Every story, a new adventure. Every book, a new journey. Oh, how I love travelling!

I only ever had one friend who loves reading as much as I do and our conversations about books, the hours we spend making theories, and analysing everything that happened... they are some of my most beloved moments. ( @strovilos , you are the joy of my life) My other friends don't understand as much, it's okay. I' ve always been the kid hiding books under my desk, staying up past my bedtime with a light under the covers. So yeah... that dedication really got me.

I was invited to places, but I almost never felt included while being there. That was okay too.

I always preferred riding dragons anyway.

2)

Xaden is mine. My heart, my soul, my everything. He channeled from the earth to save me, and I’ll scour the world until I find a way to save him right back.

Wow, that didn't take long at all, huh? Straight in the fucking feels.

3)

I could reach the rank of Maven, lead armies of dark wielders against everyone we care for, and watch every vein in my body turn red as I channel all the power in the Continent, and I would still love you. What I did doesn’t change that. I’m not sure anything can.

Such a good start for me and my fucking heart. Thanks, Rebecca... I really appreciate it.

4)

If I’m to be court-martialed for helping Braxtyn defend his people, then I shall welcome the trial. All who channel from dragon and gryphon alike should flourish under the wards, and now Aretia will be that haven should one of the others ever return.

Lyra... I fucking stan!

5)

So with all the love in my heart, put your fucking uniform on, because we need you.

Look, I'm not saying that Ridoc is my favourite character in this book... but... Ridoc IS my favourite character in this book.

I died with the whole squad dynamic, but the four of them will always hold a special place in my heart, I fucking love these kids.

6)

Even hundreds of miles away, he’s still taking care of me and doesn’t even know it.

I KNEW this godsdamned book would be full of angst....BUT DID IT HAVE TO BE ALL OF IT??? DID IT REBECCA????

7)

You might be angry when you realize I didn’t wake you to say goodbye. But it’s only because I no longer fully trust my ability to walk away.

—Recovered Correspondence of His Grace, Lieutenant Xaden Riorson, Sixteenth Duke of Tyrrendor, to Cadet Violet Sorrengail

FUCK ME MAN....Come on...WHYYYYYYY????

8)

But the thought of you being out there, beyond the wards, facing down a known attack of venin, triggered something in me I’ve never felt before. It was hotter than rage, and sharper than fear, and cut deeper than helplessness, all because I couldn’t get to you.

Fuck you.

9)

I would have killed anything and anyone in that moment to reach you. No exceptions. I would have channeled every ounce of power beneath my feet without hesitation if it would have landed me at your side.

Double fuck you.

10)

If I’d been there, beyond the wards, I would have drained the very earth to its core to keep you safe.

TRIPLE FUCKING FUCK YOU!!!!

11)

Pain isn’t new to me, Jack. She’s an old friend I spend most of my days with, so I don’t mind if she sings to you.

Violet Sorrengail... you are the most badass bitch to ever badass. (I feel like that's SUCH a Remi thing to say. Fucking finally.... iykyk. Shout out to @skyfallscotland for writing fucking masterpieces. Getting notifications from you always makes my day. If any of you are into fanfcition, i STRONGLY recommend reading everything this girl has written. You can start with Fear and Flame. Thank me, and HER, later.)

12)

“We live by the Codex—” I try again.

“I live by you. When have I ever given a fuck about the Codex or the Code of Conduct?” He cradles my face and leans down, resting his forehead against mine. “I am yours and you are mine, and there’s no law or rule in this world or the next that will change that.”

I love them so much it hurts.

13)

Love of my life. You have nothing to be jealous of.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

14)

“There’s no magic here.” He tugs me against him. “No power. No lure. No taunting reminder that I can save everyone if I just reach for it and take what’s offered. It’s only…peace.”

For the first time since fetching the luminary, I seriously debate Tecarus’s offer.

When I tell you this book was PAINFUL for me....I'M NOT FUCKING KIDDING.

15)

"...Sgaeyl…" He glances up at the trees as if he can see her in the sky above us, a look of longing on his face.

If I had a dollar for everytime this book broke my fucking heart.

16)

“My consort,” Xaden replies casually. “Violet Sorrengail.”

I'm deceased.

17)

I can’t quit watching Xaden’s eyes in case their flecks change back to gold whenever I see him during Signet Sparring.

They never do.

Like my heart will never again NOT be broken for these two.

18)

“The pain. The mess. Give it to me. I’ll hold it. I know that sounds ludicrous, but I’ll find a way.” I lace our fingers. “I will hold everything you don’t want to feel because I love every part of you.”

This ship... this fucking ship...

19)

“Seems Catriona has found someone worth lagging behind for.”

I loathed her in the previous book....but gods did the poor girl go through it in this one....

20)

“There is no cure for me.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “That’s why you have to become better than me. There’s only you.”

I seriously don't know why I'm putting myself through this torture.

21)

When things get…shitty, I hope you can look down at it and imagine us sitting there together when this is all over. That’s the vision I’m going to cling to: you and me, holding hands, looking over the city.

This right here broke whatever soul I thought I had left. It just hurts so much when the characters cling to a future that I fucking know isn't going to happen.

22)

It’s almost like this room is removed from time itself, a tiny corner of the world where we simultaneously live together yet don’t.

Rebecca literally...WHYYYYY????

23)

I didn’t reach for any form of power because even in that state, I knew it could take me back to day zero, and day zero doesn’t give me you. I clawed my way back to myself and left.

Screaming, crying, throwing up.

24)

While most deities allow temple attendants to choose their timeline of service, only two require a lifetime of dedication: Dunne and Loial. For both war and love change souls irrevocably.

For the love of Gods, please let this be some kind of clue.

25)

I love you more than this city. Do not die defending it.

Screaming. Crying. Throwing up.

26)

At some point I’ll stop looking for her, right?

I KNOW Andarna had her reasons... but my girl Violet did not deserve that after everything she's been through.

27)

His smile instantly becomes a core memory.

MY smile instantly becomes a core memory....as in I don't think I'll have one again.

28)

You’re not a weapon of destruction. You’re not venin. You’re the artery power chooses to flow through. You’re life.

I fucking ship this SO MUCH. I love me some enemies to lovers, slow burn, full of angst shit.

29)

When push comes to shove, I'm not the best of us. She is.

YES VIOLET, THAT'S YOUR BESTIE!!!!!!

30)

“That’s a little menacing,” I admit to Feirge. “Then let us be menaces,”

I ADORE multiple povs. I've been waiting for Rhi's and Imogen's pov for 3 books, and I was NOT disappointed. Wish I could have more of them though.

31)

She’ll rip the very sky apart before she and Glane accept defeat.

GO IMOGEN! GO! GO! GO!

32)

The flame of perpetual rage that lives in my chest burns hotter. Fuck that horde. Fuck the venin who ride them. Fuck that unholy vortex of a tornado at the end of the northern field, and fuck the orders to stay grounded in these winds.

FUCK! I love this girl so damn much.

33)

I’m glad it’s you with me. Parapet to Malek’s own doorstep. I’m so sorry I have to go first this time.

To be honest, I didn't really care about Quinn for three books now... but I SOBBED in these 3 pages.

34)

And you should tell him, Gen. Tell him, and you find some happy.

And the fact that she preached for my second favourite ship of the series with her dying breath??? Miss Quinn, you have my heart. I didn't care for your existence for three books, but man, did you get me in the end.

35)

“We made it a good one.”

This one cut me so fuckign deep I had to stop for a good ten minutes. I did not see it coming. I did not think I'd care. I still don't understand why I did. But I really, really did.

36)

“I’m not leaving you!” He leans in and slides his hand behind my neck. “I’m not leaving you, Imogen,” he repeats, softer this time.

If these two don't end up together, I'm gonna make it everybody's problem. I PROMISE!

37)

“You have been the gift of my life,” I tell Tairn.

I've read some theories that Tairn will die in the end... First of all...HOW DARE YOU? And second of all... REBECCA DON'T YOU DARE, I WILL-

38)

She was the first to choose me, to elevate me above all others, the first to see every ugly side of me and accept it all, and every single person in this fucking canyon will die before they remove a single one of her scales.

The fact that Xaden channeled for Violet but really turned to save Sgaeyl... I did not expect that. And although it was painful as fuck to read through... to me it was perfect and a job really well done.

39)

Shadow brings quiet. My soul departs like pieces of ash from a fire, flaking free and drifting away as power consumes the space it once inhabited. I’m no longer on the ice—I am the ice.

Xaden...baby...no....

40)

Save them, the last remaining pieces of me beg, holding on with teeth and claw to keep from being torn away, too.

I will never... ever... recover from this.

41)

“I love you.” Violet’s voice cracks the cold, and a silken thread of warmth wedges itself in the opening before it seals shut, locking it in place.

No. Wait. I grab for that thread with desperate hands, clawing to keep her as more of my pieces are blown away, lost to the void. She is warmth and light and air and love.

This was so fucking painful to read I literally have no fucking words.

44)

I love her. That is the emotion I cling to, the fire of pure power burning at the feeling’s edges, and I know if I take it any further, it will be the next and final piece to float away.

😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔

45)

“What did you do?” My head snaps toward Imogen, and a deep sense of foreboding takes root in my chest. She slowly lifts her gaze to mine.

“What you asked me to.”

How THE FUCK am I supposed to wait who-knows how long for the next damned book???

All in all, I really enjoyed this. I never got bored and I didn't mind the side missions at all.

The xaden×violet of it all shattered my heart. I definitely loved their relationship more than the previous books (It really reminded me of their dynamic from one of the best pieces of literature I've ever had the pleasure to read, a fanfiction piece called Storm in the quiet by @justallihere. She is truly the best.).

I just knew this was coming, and all of their trying would lead to this... it tore my heart apart. I love heavy angst in my books, but it hurts like a motherfucker when you have to wait for the next book in a series. I've promised myself I would never start an unfinished series ever again but oh well....

I loved the side characters so much, and I feel like I got to see them more and get to know them better in this one.

Ridoc is the best comic relief character I've read in a long, long time, and I love him so much (I almost had a heart attack when I thought the cook actually stabbed him.)

Aaric is a little shit and I'm so here for it. His exceptionally well written character was one of the highlights of the book for me.

Imogen and Garrick are my babies and I want them to end up together SO FUCKING BAD.

Also, the Drake and Mira crumbs? Chef's kiss.

I have to admit I was very fed shipping wise.

Unexpectedly, I also laughed my ass off in this book... so I'll probably make another post with all the times I died of laughter. Who would have thought?

My soul will definitely need mending and a good dose of fanfiction to get me through the long wait. To the people who are gifted enough to write these fanfcitions, you are my heroes. Cheers!

Final thought, Xaden Riorson, THE MAN that you are.

Accurate image of me after finishing Onyx Storm:

[love-byers]

I see byler. But it would make me feel so weird because Mike has liked a girl for four seasons and he has treated Will horribly, getting away from him because of a girl. I don't know, it would be pailful to rewatch the show and see all this ald later see byler being canon

i encourage you to rewatch the show because it is just flat out not true that mike "treated will horribly". if mike liking a girl for 4 seasons holds impact then so does the way mike has CANONICALLY treated will during those same seasons.

in s1 mike is determined to find will, believing he was alive even when dustin and lucas didn't. he defended will multiple times ("wait this is will's fault?" "i'm the only one acting normal here! I'm the only one that cares about will!", pushing troy down). he stayed awake in the hospital waiting room so he could go to will immediately when he woke up. he was the first one in will's hospital room and laid his head on will's chest. he breaks into a cheesy grin just watching will play dnd.

in s2 mike is extremely attentive and protective of will. he notices when will wanders outside the arcade and puts an arm around him to guide him back inside, he notices when will is being quieter than usual, he doesn't let anyone else touch will on halloween, he sees himself as will's protector, he comforts will by suggesting they'll lose their minds together, he jumps to will's defense over the dart stuff, he stands in front of will to protect him from dart, he is worked up over will missing school, he stares sadly at will's empty desk, he calls the byers house from a payphone because he's eaten up with worry, he goes to the byers house after school and bangs on the door calling for will, he holds will's hand and assures him all the terrible things he's going through are happening for a reason, he sleeps on will's floor to stay close to him, he sleeps in a chair next to wills hospital bed, he gets flustered when will remembers him despite having amnesia, he notices when something is wrong with will despite him not moving or changing his expression at all, he tearfully recounts the day he met will and describes it as the best thing he's ever done in his whole life.

in s3, yes mike is not a great friend to will all of the time, but it wasn't specifically targeted at will. he and el were being bad friends to the whole group over the summer. and despite that, mike is still attentive to will, noticing when something was wrong in the theater despite the fact that he's supposed to be paying attention to the movie like everyone else. he double checks that will is okay. he immediately back tracks and tries to keep playing dnd when will gets upset, even forcing lucas to backtrack as well. he follows after will when he storms off. he doesn't want will to bike home in the rain. he continues to apologize even though will is ignoring him. he compliments will's campaign and assured him he doesn't think its bad. he's extremely regretful after snapping and saying something hurtful to will. he calls after will, begging him not to leave. he bikes to wills house in a rainstorm and bangs on his door, apologizing and begging will to come outside and talk to him. he doesn't just accept that will doesn't want to talk to him and instead searches through the forest in the dark rain for him. he jumps to defend will and encourages the rest of the group to believe him about the mindflayer. he sticks close to will during the sauna test. he worries about will leaving him behind when he moves to california. he is delighted when will assures him thats its impossible. he tearfully hugs will goodbye. im not gonna go into the byler coding in hop's letter because some would say it's speculative, but yeah. mike was fucking devastated at losing will.

between s3 and 4 mike is eaten up by the idea of will not reaching out and making new friends. he feels like he lost will. he openly complains about joyce's job holding up the line because he wants to talk to will. he mopes in his basement and plays nintendo because he misses will. to him everything feels weird because will isn't there. hawkins no longer feels like home because will isn't there. he loves his other friends but finds that there's something different about what he feels towards will.

then in s4 mike does start out being a dick towards will. or at least it looks that way. it seems like mike doesn't want anything to do with will, but later on he flat out admits that that wasn't the case at all. he was still being highly attentive to will, analyzing his facial expressions and demeanor and hoping will to talk to him. will didn't ruin mikes day by being too involved in his date with his girlfriend, he ruined it by not being involved. he stays close to will after el hits angela, literally shoulder to shoulder with him. he seeks will out to apologize to him and let him know he didn't deserve the way he'd been treated, and goes on to tell him how much he'd missed him and how he was afraid he'd lost him. he wants them to be best friends again. he wants he and will to be a team through whatever happens next. he is overjoyed when he thinks will made a painting for him. he assures will that they will kill vecna together and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder (despite the fact that he was too s scared to hug will 5 days earlier). he stays at will's side when the world is ending right before their eyes.

i truly truly do not understand why people say will deserves better than mike because the entire fucking point of their dynamic is that he handles will with much more care than he does others. im sorry but it really just sounds like an excuse to say byler bad without sounding problematic because the truth is that you just don't want mike to be queer. mike is very tender and caring with will and trusts him above anyone else. will is the same way towards mike. and he is devastatingly in love with mike. mike who has done everything stated above for him. why would they not be a good match? why does will not deserve the person he feels understands him better than anyone else, the person who makes him feel loved and special in a word turned against him? bffr

and about mike getting away from will because of a girl, this is a very common trope in childhood friends to lovers stories. that is what deepens the relationship between the two friends. the jealousy, the pining, the emotionally charged arguments. one of the friends usually doesn't realize what they have until they are faced with losing it. hello, s3 epilogue! the love triangle dynamic has already been used multiple times in stranger things. nancy genuinely did have romantic feelings for steve even when she got with jonathan. joyce had genuine romantic feelings for bob despite the fact that she was clearly in love with hopper. the writers have clearly shown that love is something entirely separate from attraction, and that it's easy to get lost along the path to it and get those feelings mixed up. why would it be any different for mike? especially if he's queer and in love with a boy? that makes everything 100x more confusing. especially if he's bisexual because the world back then conditioned people to think there was only homosexuals and 'normal' people. it would be so difficult for mike to figure everything out if his romantic feelings towards el are very much real, because he doesn't think he can have both. he feels caught between two slides, as one might say.

so yeah rewatch the show with an open mind and i promise you it will not make you feel weird, it will actually make a whole lot more sense. and if it does make you feel weird then i think you need to address an underlying attitude towards gay people. im not flat out calling you homophobic, it's very easy to be biased and not even know it when the world is as heteronormative as it is. just try to have an open mind

[resident-idiot-simp]

Distance is pain

(x)

Logan had always been used to being distant the X-Men never seemed to care maybe even appreciate the distance he kept from them. Sure there were a few exceptions but for the most part, people preferred to have him at a distance.

However, for the first time in his life, this was not the case anymore. Wade always wanted him near and within reach. It freaked Logan out, to be honest, and he wasn't sure how to deal with this. He kept trying to keep a distance between them because surely this was what Wade actually wanted.

He kept doing this and kept doing this every time Wade expressed a desire for him to be and stay close be that physically or emotionally. This didn't work if course because if Logan did this Wade would run off and push him away. Wade thought he wanted this but he didn't no one really did.

Or at least he thought that until Wade started backing off and reseeding into himself. He seemed...smaller... So unlike what Logan had gotten used to. It felt wrong oh so wrong. Wade stopped speaking to him as much and it was affecting Logan more than he thought it would. The whispers in the back of his head telling him how much of a monster he was were back.

It was horrible and he didn't know why. Or he didn't until one day when he had come back from walking Mary to the sight of Wade on the couch. He was picking at his skin and muttering to himself and if it wasn't for Logan's enhanced hearing he wouldn't have heard any of it.

"You fucking idiot of course he doesn't want to be around you why would anyone? You never shut up or leave people alone." A shaky inhale, "You have been shown again and again when you be yourself you run people off. You're too much you know you're too much and yet you don't stop." He took another shaky inhale and scrubbed his hands over his eyes.

"Fucking pathetic you get the most perfect man in the damn multiverse and you can't reign yourself in enough to not run him off. He keeps pulling away and you can't accept it even though this is the same damn thing that happens every fucking time you try and get close to anyone." A wet inhale this time and Logan's heart fucking sinks.

He hadn't meant for this to happen he hadn't wanted to hurt Wade, hell he was pulling away so he wouldn't run Wade off. Fuck both of them apparently because they both wanted the exact same thing and were going about it opposite ways.

"Wade." Logan said softly and Wade fucking jumped eyes going wide as he desperately tried to downplay what Logan had just seen. "h-hey peanut I didn't realize you would be back so soon." Wade said as he jumped up off the couch and started backing away. Logan hated himself fervently for causing this for causing any pain to this man.

"Wade fuck I'm sorry I had no idea." Logan tried to apologize but Wade was shaking his head, "No no apologies peanut it's me it's...always me. I run everyone off every time." The last part is choked out and Logan can't allow that. Wade doesn't have a chance to run off before Logan grabs him and crushes the bigger man to his chest.

Wade freezes and starts to try to scramble away before stopping as he begins to shake lightly. "Wade I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't care or was trying to get you to leave me alone." Logan spoke seriously. Wade sagged into him and buried his face in the older man's neck.

"Wade my whole life people have preferred me at a distance I thought I was doing you a favor by staying away." Logan continued as he held the other man tighter. "I didn't want to run you off by getting too close. Wade we have had opposite experiences and and were acting according to prevent the same outcome we always end up with."

Wade was hugging him back and holding him just as tightly now. "Why would anyone want to push you away? You're perfect." Wade asked and Logan shook his head lightly, "Why would anyone not want you close? You're amazing." Logan shot back.

Wade blinked tears out of his eyes as he pulled back to make eye contact with Logan. "Promise you won't push me away again?" Wade asked voice shakey and unsure. "As long as you promise not to leave me alone." Logan agreed.

It was the easiest compromise either man had ever made.

[mrs-barnes-rogers-writes]

The Dream (One Shot)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader x Bucky Barnes (a hint of Stucky x reader)

Summary: You return from a mission in the middle of the night, exhausted and a little beat up. In a bid to avoid Steve and Bucky you go the long way to your room, but you see Stark and Strange and decide they are 100% up to something.

Warnings: Mentions of readers death / being missing in action in another multiverse, multiverse travel (if that's a warning???)

Trope: Friends to lovers, idiots in love, brooding and not sharing how they really feel.

This is based around a dream I had so reader is British but you can use your imagination. I also apologise for the lengthy intro, but you know I love a back story.

"The multiverse is a complex thing Tony."

"I'm aware of that Strange and I also know we shouldn't tamper with it. Look what happened when Peter came to you instead of me!"

"You were still recovering Tony, and this is a piece of that. Things need to be put back. The consequences if we don't are bigger than anything we've faced."

You rolled your eyes as you walked passed one of the lower floor labs. You'd only used this entrance to avoid Steve and Bucky, and you certainly didn't want to get caught in whatever Strange and Stark were up to as an alternative. You thought after Thanos that things would calm down. Be a little normal. You were wrong. There's never a 'normal' where the Avengers are concerned. You huff and make your way to your room.

You were a super soldier of sorts, with the ability to control and read energy. People, objects, weapons, absolutely everything. A call from Natasha and you'd quickly found yourself on the battlefield between her and Bucky in Wakanda. When you joined MI5 as a clean up analyst, you'd never thought that would lead you to SHIELD. An incident at the London clean up after one of Thor's adventures had left you with powers. Being able to manipulate energy including your own, also meant you were fast and strong. Bucky was quick to discover how fast when you sprinted alongside him towards the fight in Wakanda, on the tail of T'challa and Steve. He was in awe of you from the start. A year later and he was smitten. Eighteen months and he struggled to hide it.

It had taken Steve a while to get to know you. Caught up with the clean ups, being pardoned, the New Accords and trying to rebuild the team and he'd watched you from a far to begin with. Starting on the day of the fight, you'd barely said hello when it started. The fight had got rougher and you'd ran to cover Wanda. You'd found Steve going hand to hand with who you now called the Rancid Raisin. Your powers pulsed and you knew you had to get the gauntlet off his hand. Thor, approaching at the same time as you, started to charge at Thanos. You'd screamed at both him and Steve as you'd joined the sprint.

"Take him down!!! Take his fucking head off."

Steve managed to get him to his knees and you brought him down further as you practically ran up his back and shoved him into the ground. You straddled the titans now outstretched arm and ripped the gauntlet from his hand as Thor took his head.

The next few months were hard. The clean up. Thor's grief. Bucky's therapy. Natasha always hovering, worried Bruce will disappear again. PTSD hits Tony hard and Sam is trying to keep everyone together and moving forward but it's slowly burning him out. Peter goes AWOL on a school trip and his identity gets exposed. Then Strange tampers with the multiverse. Wanda is suspicious of everyone and comes to blows with Stephen when he won't listen to her advice about the multiverse, not until Vision steps in, and that makes her even more infuriated.

Then in the background there's you, and Steve's embarrassed he didn't notice at first. He's not even sure when you official moved in. You were around, here and there and then you're there all the time. Your permanent arrival brings about a spring like change. Everything is somehow calmer. There's always fresh flowers and home-baked treats on the kitchen counter and fresh towels on their beds when they come home from missions. You're somehow always busy and yet have time for everything and everyone. Your soft at home and a machine on the battlefield. He's watching you more than he probably should.

Then he spots Bucky push your hair from your face as you're leaning over a dusty old map, his hand moves down to the small of your back and you smile softly at him. His stomach tightens when he watches Bucky smile sweetly back. The type of smile he's not seen since before the war.

Then Natasha seems to relax and her raised eyebrow and quips return. Thor showers and actually listens to Val when she visits him. Tony starts to jog with Sam, and you're alongside them. Pepper goes back to the office, and although it's now in the same compound, she's nervous of leaving Tony's side. He catches your reassuring whispers to her and the promise to make sure Tony takes a break and eats lunch, and he does everyday. Wanda and Vision start to build a house on the other side of the compound. The team grows and Scott and Hope visit often and so do the Guardians. Steve's still not sure what to make of the talking racoon who's always looking around their armoury and intent on stealing Bucky's arm. And then there's the tree that you, Natasha, Wanda and Pepper all seem to take a turn in mothering. The tree also seems to enjoy your awful playlist.

"He's not a tree Steven. He's Groot." You tell him.

"I am Groot!" Groot adds. Steve leaves the room as you start to teach Groot how to twerk.

It takes a while but realisation washes over Steve as he watches you and Bucky waltz after one of Tony's fundraisers. This ones for the VA and Steve thinks it might be a peace offering of sorts. The only people left are the team and a few of Sam's trusted friends from the VA. He hears your laughter as Bucky tells you that he doesn't believe you can waltz and you prove him wrong as he sweeps you around the floor. Bucky had been shaky all morning after a bad nightmare. You'd returned from a mission, swept him up in a fierce hug and Bucky had stopped shaking. You'd appeared a couple of hours later in a red dress and on Bucky's arm, and Steve feels his stomach tighten again. He watches his best friend's lips graze your head as you've moved into a normal slow dance and he knows then that Bucky is quite possibly in love with you. He also knows that he is too.

He pushes down his feelings and encourages Bucky to make a move.

"I will when you will punk." He replies, squeezing Steve's shoulder and throwing him a wink. Steve ignores it, along with the feeling in his stomach again.

Then you stagger off the jet and fall into Steve's arms. A solo mission gone wrong and he's never seen you so shaken or covered in so much blood. Thankfully, very little of it is yours. But as he helps you peel off your suit and he sees your body scattered in bruises, he realises how scared he is of losing you and he finally admits it to himself. He loves you, and if he's really honest he probably loves Bucky in a way that's passed regular friendship. He tucks you into bed and sits upright at the side of you. FRIDAY's already assured him you'll be fine in a few days, but he's concerned about the wheeze in your chest and now he knows this is how Bucky felt for all those years when he was always sick.

A few days later when the others filter back from their own missions, he speaks to Bucky and a few days after that, and after a chat with Natasha, they decide they want to talk to you, explain their feelings and see if whatever this is can work.

But out of nowhere you stop speaking to Steve. So does Natasha, then Wanda and Pepper. Val visits and sharpens her daggers whilst looking directly at Steve. Rocket shakes his head at him from afar and Groot throws some bread at him during dinner. Gamora scoops him up and leaves the table and Steve realises she's not talking to him either. The night after the bread throwing, the male members of the team are locked out of the Rec Room and there's a party seemingly going on. He doesn't know what's happening and Bucky mutters something about 'girls night' as he broods in the corner. Clint reminds him it's 'girls and Groot' and Steve realises he didn't even know Clint was there, so out of it and melancholy from not speaking to you.

Bucky stops talking to him next and it seems whatever he's done, the upset is spreading through the team. The night your due home from your latest mission Steve's on edge. He doesn't want to force you to speak to him but he might have to, to save whatever this is. He's goes to the gym to let off some steam and quickly finds Bucky there too. They don't speak, but they take their usual route around the equipment, spotting each other as they go. Bucky spots your hair scrunchie on the floor and picks it up. He chokes on a sob and asks Steve what he's done. Steve pulls Bucky into his arms, but he can't answer because he doesn't know. Their super soldier ears pick up as they hear the hum of the jet. They make their way to the hanger and they realise you've taken a different route, probably to avoid them. They turn back and go passed the lower labs. You're not there either but Strange and Stark are and Steve can't shake the feeling they're up to something.

Not long after the three of you are in your separate beds. None of you sleep well.

It's mid-morning the next day when you sweep into the kitchen still in your pyjamas and robe, hair thrown into a messy bun. You're flustered and you've clearly not had much sleep.

"What the fuck are Strange and Stark up to?" You say abruptly, as you make your morning tea. Steve stares for a moment. Slightly in shock that you're actually speaking to him. He's mid sip of his coffee, going over some old SHIELD files as he sits at the kitchen island.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said what are Stark and Strange up to? I heard them talking last night about the multiverse, and I've had the weirdest dream. They sent me to another multiverse, like ours but not, which I realise is obvious because that's how it works according to Vis but they sent me to.....hang on. It was 513, that's where they sent me, I think, only it wasn't me. It was 616 me. So I was dreaming about 616 me going to 513 me and they weren't meant to have a me but they did and she was dead."

"She wasn't dead she was missing in action."

You dropped the spoon onto the counter with a clatter. Steve suddenly realised what he'd said and frowned.

"How do I? Wait, hang on, how do I know that?"

"Did you have the same dream as me?"

Steve stayed quiet.

"Rogers, did you have the same dream as me?"

"She wasn't dead, she was missing in action and you told me off for not looking for you. The 513 you." He whispered. Steve looked up at you and you would later describe to the others that he looked broken. You take a step towards him but stop as the whooshing of the door from the stairs stops you. You know it's Bucky from his purposeful steps, making sure anyone that's around knows he's approaching, always concerned about startling anyone.

"Stevie I had the weirdest..." He paused midsentence as he sees the look on Steve's face and your startled expression. "What's going on?

"What were you going to say?" You asked.

"I asked you a question first." He replied firmly.

"Buck? What was it about? The dream?" Steve asked, his voice shaking.

"Who said I had a dream? Anyway, does it matter?"

"Yes." You replied in unison. He huffed.

"It was a dream."

"About?" Steve asked. Bucky huffed again and learned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest.

"The multiverse. Something those two said must have set it off."

"Strange and Stark?" You asked.

"Yeah, wait, how did you know that?" Bucky asked standing up straight.

You side-eyed Steve.

"We had the same dream bud."

"You and me?" He asked Steve.

"All of us. The three of us." You answered.

The elevator door opened and your heads all snapped to look at the culprits of whatever had happened. Strange and Stark.

"You!!!" You practically growled as you moved towards them. "You two!!! What the fuck did you do!!"

"Us? Nothing." Stark shrugged. You allowed your powers to check over their energy and the rhythm of their hearts and blood pressure told you they weren't lying but they weren't exactly telling the truth either.

"You've done something."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Stark quipped, trying to side step you.

"That was a lie." You replied, through gritted teeth as you blocked his path. "You might not have done it but you know something."

The whooshing of the door again brought Natasha and Bruce's arrival, with Wanda, Vision and Sam entering moments after them. If Strange and Stark wouldn't tell you, you knew someone who would or would at least be more likely to slip up. You ignored Natasha as she asked what was going on?

"Bruce?" You asked, eyes trained on Stephen and Tony.

"Ermmm yeah."

"What are these two doing?"

"Right now, they're standing in front of you."

"Bruce, you know that's not what I mean. What are these two doing with the multiverse?"

There was snaps of 'what', 'again' and general disgust from the others.

"I told you two I wanted no part of it. I'm not going to lie for you." Bruce said, turning to Strange and Stark.

"You could at least try buddy." Tony quipped back.

"There'd be no point! Most of the people here would know I lied."

"They had a visitor. A couple of visitors actually and one of them was Loki. I'll let them tell you the rest."

There was another set of outbursts around the room. Steve stood from his seat at the counter and came to stand at your side.

"Stephen. Tony. Start talking."

"Her first." Strange replied.

"Why tell you when you probably already know."

"They need to hear it." He responded, nudging his head in the direction of the others.

"Fine. Last night, I dreamt about the multiverse. About all of us. Clint and Scott were there too."

"Go on." Urged Natasha.

"So, we're clear, you go into their compound. You tell 513 Stark and Strange to stop fucking around and to look for a sign. Wait for the sign. Then they'll know what to do." Hank told you.

"Got it." You'd replied.

"And it has to be her?" Steve asked, voice full of concern. Stephen and Tony's voice confirmed it.

"So, is that my role in the multiverse? Telling you two to stop messing with things you don't understand?"

"Yes." "Looks that way."

Hope and Scott fussed over your suit and the device on your wrist.

"We'll give you fifteen minutes total. A minute warning for extraction, then thirty seconds. Then a countdown from ten." Hope reminded you.

"And it has to be her?" Steve asked again.

"Steve! For godness sake, we've already established that. They don't have a me, so it has to be me. Plus there's the energy thing."

"Just throwing this out there again, I think we should still wait for Wanda and Vision to get here." Bucky threw in.

"No time, it' has to be now." Hank pushed. "And when I say now, I mean now, get your ass on the platform. Wong. Strange."

Hope and Scott guided you to the platform and you flicked over the helmet, as Wong and Stephen took their positions. Multiverse travel need them and the quantum fields to stay stable. Doing it with just their magic alone would cause another 'incident' according to the Van Dykes. Magic swirled around you and Hank counted down. There was a flash of light and you were gone. Floating through the quantum, you followed the pull of energy that came from 513 and directed yourself towards it. You landed in a heap in a grassy field.

"This can't be right. Please tell me we've not buggered this up." The device vibrated on your wrist to confirm the fifteen minutes had started and you looked around to figure out where you should be going. You pulled yourself up, turning you saw a hill behind you and decided to run up it.

Reaching the top you discovered you were in the right place. Kind of. There was a compound, sure it was smaller but it was a compound of sorts. In reminded you of the safe house you and Natasha had used once in Mexico. Dated but kind of fancy. On reaching a side door, you pushed energy into the electric lock and it slid open. You pulled at the door and went in.

"Please don't shoot me, please don't shoot me."

You followed the smell of the coffee to the kitchen and hoped to find someone there. A clattering of a spoon into a dish let you know you had. Scott Lang sat at the counter. Shocked expression on his face.

"Oh my god!!!"

"Sorry to walk in on you like this. Scott right? I'm Y/N. This is going to sound crazy but I'm from another universe."

"Y/N?"

"Yes, that's what I said."

"They thought you were dead."

"Wait what? You're not meant to have a me here."

"Y/N." A new voice and your eyes snapped towards it. Steve Rogers was looking at you eyes wide and full of emotion. He dashed towards you. "Sweetheart, oh my god, we've been looking. We never stopped looking."

He pulled you into a bone crushing hug and kissed the top of your head fiercely. You went ridged and Steve pulled away.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not who you think I am."

"Y/N?"

You pulled away from Steve to find Nat looking at you with tears in her eyes. She was quickly joined by Wanda and Vision, both of which watched you with caution. There was a flurry of voices and Sam, Clint and Bucky came into view. Bucky's eyes met yours.

"Y/N?!!" He called out, followed by a sob. He tripped over his feet in a bid to get to you, Clint and Sam grabbed at him to steady his approach as he made his way towards you.

"Wait, wait, wait." You said, holding your hands up for him to stop. "I'm not who you think I am. I was told you didn't have a me here."

"Because you're missing in action, presumed dead." Vision explained.

"Oh fuck. Wait hang on. I'm missing? Why the bloody hell are you here then? Why aren't you out looking for me?"

"We have. We've followed every lead. Every possible there is." Natasha told you.

"And yet here you are sitting on your arses."

"Hey now. This is the first time Buck's even been here in a year. There's always two of us looking. Danvers and Thor are out right now." Sam told you. "He needed to come home."

"It's the anniversary of your disappearance." Steve told you sadly.

"That's why." You whispered.

"Why what?" Natasha asked.

"I was told it had to be today. You must have all needed to be here."

"If you're not Y/N, who are you?" Clint asked.

"I'm Y/N, just not your Y/N. I'm from 616."

Wanda and Vision exchanged a knowing glance.

"Why are you here?" Wanda asked.

Before you had to chance to answer Stephen, Tony and Bruce, came into the kitchen, buzzing with chatter about time travel, the quantum and the multiverse.

"These two!!!" You snapped, pointing at Stark and Strange. There heads snapped up to look at you.

"Y/N?" Stark asked shocked by your presence.

"Not exactly."

"She's 616 Y/N." Vision explained. They both looked uneasy and side-eyed each other.

"What did you do?" Steve asked.

"Nothing......yet."

"Well don't." You told them firmly.

"Look, you can't come here from 616 and tell us what we can and can't do Y/N." Stephen told you, clearly annoyed by your presence.

"Actually, I can and that's exactly why I'm here. Our versions of you, as well as the Van Dykes. Have told me to come and tell you to stop. Whatever it is you're doing or thinking of doing stop it right now. You're going to cause a problem that none of us can fix."

"Look what we're working on can't be explained to everyone." Stephen told you.

"Don't speak to me like I'm stupid Strange. We've had the TVA at the door."

"TVA?" Bruce asked quietly.

"Time Variance Authority." You replied, before turning to Bruce. "Bruce, please don't get caught up in their messy bollocks. It'll only get you and the big guy into trouble."

"There's a Hulk in 616?"

"Yep and I'm sure in every universe it's best he avoids conspiring with these two."

Strange went to talk again but you were quick to cut him off.

"If you're going to belittle me, don't bother. You two stop whatever it is you're doing or trying to do. In a few days you'll get a sign. You'll know then what to do. DON'T, and I mean DON'T, do anything until then, and listen to these two." You said pointing at Wanda and Vision. "If you don't, well, it'll change everything. No good will come from it. Wait for the sign."

They both nodded at you, brows furrowed. You turned and went to leave.

"Wait!" Bucky called. "Can you stay?"

You turned to look at him and found he was now at Steve's side, both of them with tear-filled eyes. You shook your head.

"Sorry, I can't." You replied. Bucky sniffed and you took his metal hand softly in yours. "It'll cause a glitch. They only sent me because they didn't think there was a me here. It's best our paths don't cross if there's more than one of me."

"But there's not. I can't find you." Bucky told you as tears ran down his face. Steve threw his arm around his shoulder and pulled him into his side. You looked between them both. In 616 you were alone. There was a whole bunch of lingering touches, longing looks and missed moments between you, Steve and Bucky but nothing more than that.

"Wait. Are we? Am I with one of you here?"

They nodded.

"Both of them. The three of you are together. Took a while but you figured it out." Clint told you. This explained the upset. You thought for a moment and looked up at them both.

"Are we a like? We obviously look the same, but in personality? Is she an agent?"

They nodded.

"Your voice, the telling people off, the mannerisms, it's all the same." Steve told you.

You might not know 513 you, but you knew you, and that if you had Steve and Bucky you'd never let them go and wherever you were, whatever had happened you'd fight to get back to them.

"Don't stop looking."

"I won't. I never will." Bucky told you.

"Listen, if you can't find her. She'll find you. I know if I had you both, either one of you, I'd never stop fighting to get back. If you can't find her, she'll get here or somewhere so you can find her."

"We're not together in your timeline?" Steve asked. You shook your head and looked down at your feet. Steve reached out and cupped your face, tilting your head for you to look at him. "Tell them, tell them how you feel."

"I'm not sure they feel the same."

"I'm pretty sure I'd love you in every universe sweetheart. Tell them."

You felt a wave of emotion and tried to stay composed.

"Keep looking. If she's like me in anyway, she'll find her way. She won't stop. She'll keep trying to get back to you." You grew tearful as you told them again.

"Can you stay just a little longer? For them?" Natasha asked, nodding towards Steve and Bucky. Maybe you could. The buzz of the device on your wrist said you couldn't. One minute and you'd be pulled back. You shook you head and lifted your arm to show them the device.

"That's my cue." You turned back to Steve and Bucky. "I'm sorry I'm not her."

You took a chance and pulled them both into a hug, which they returned.

"How did you know?" You asked Steve. "You didn't question when I said I was from 616, why?"

"She never goes stiff when I hug her. Not even when we've fought. And your shampoo. Your hair smells different."

You hummed in understanding and hugged them both again. The device buzzed again warning you had thirty seconds before you were pulled back. You found yourself having to pull your hand from Bucky's.

"I'm sorry, I have to go, they'll pull me back and if I'm not outside I'll end up through that wall, which will really bloody hurt." You rushed down the hall and through the door as they followed.

"Don't stop looking." You called behind you. "She's bound to leave a biscuit wrapper or a half drank cuppa somewhere."

You sprinted out into the field. There was a flash and you were gone from 513. You landed back at 616 on the platform. Two super soldiers waiting for you.

"Then I woke up."

"OK, so just so I have this right. You dreamt that 616 you, went to 513 to tell these two off and you three were together but you were missing?" Asked Bruce.

"Yeah, I know that sounds absurd but they had the same dream." You replied, gesturing at Steve and Bucky.

"What did you do?" Bruce asked, turning to Tony and Stephen. Wanda approached them both, anger in her eyes.

"Yes, what did you do?" She asked.

"We." Stephen started.

"Not we." Tony interrupted. "You did it. You were the one that did it."

"You were there."

"But you did it."

"Stop it!!!" You shouted. "What did you do!"

"Strange connected your subconscious to some of the other versions of you."

"Why?" Steve asked.

"Because you needed to see something."

"Yeah, see that you two fuck around in every timeline." You snapped.

"Not exactly." Stephen replied.

"Stop talking in damn riddles Strange." Bucky ordered.

"She needed to see something." Stephen replied.

"Me???!!!" You exclaimed. "So why did they have it too? Why did they have the same dream? You shouldn't have done that to them!! You can't play with Bucky's mind like that."

You closed in on Strange and Steve slipped an arm around your waist to keep you back, as Bucky joined your side.

"That was unexpected."

"Because you don't know what you're dealing with Strange. What happened with Peter proves that." Wanda told him.

"It was unexpected but needed."

"Tony." Steve said. "If he's not going to explain, can you."

Tony sighed.

"Just so you know, I didn't do the whole connection thing. He did and as soon he said you two were connected too I told him to stop."

"And did he?" Steve asked. The lack of answer said it all.

"Everything that happened in the dream happened. The 616 version of you went to 513 with orders to warn their version of us to stop what they were doing and look for a sign."

"A sign of what? Another fight? Another finger snapper?" Sam asked.

Tony shook his head.

"Her coming back to 513."

"Me or 616 me or their me."

"513 you. You went to stop warn them and to tell them to stop what they were doing. Well, 616 did. You were the sign. 616 was."

"How do you know this?" Natasha asked.

"The T.V.A. Time Variance Authority. They paid us a visit."

"With Loki?" Natasha asked, side-eyeing Bruce, pissed off that he'd kept this from her.

"It seems another version of Loki is alive and has redeemed himself. He's working with them to keep the timelines as they should."

"Why?" Steve asked.

"Because he dies over and over again, and one of the other universes didn't fair so well against Thanos. He snapped those fingers, took out half of everyone in their universe." He paused as he walked over to the drinks cabinet, poured himself a drink and looked at you. "They didn't go for the head."

"What does this have to do with Y/N?" Natasha asked.

"There have been some misplacements. The T.V.A looks to put them right." Stephen answered.

"I am a misplacement?"

"No, you're where you should be sweetie," Tony assure "but the T.V.A made a slip up. An agent came in here as a copy of someone in our universe. Someone that's not meant to be here. Someone that I revoked clearance for."

"Sharon." Natasha whispered. You snapped your head to look at her.

"So Captain Rogers, wasn't intimate with Agent Carter in the upper lab bathroom?" Vision asked.

"What?" Steve snapped.

"Doll? Is that why you're not talking to Stevie?"

"I saw her. I saw Sharon go in to the bathroom. I waited to see what she was doing. We'd had the meeting that day."

"About Madipour?" Steve asked, his arm still around you. You nodded and glanced up at him.

"Tony was revoking her access, but I saw her. I waited to see what she was up to. She went in the bathroom but you came out."

"So to you it looked like Steve and Sharon were in there together." Sam pointed out.

"Pepper told me that you were upset and after girls night and thanks to Romanoff's cocktails, she told me why. I checked the footage. It was glitchy and then it was gone. I tried to recover it and then the T.V.A were in the room, Loki was with them. Strange arrived soon after. Our timeline was fine to begin with but their agent dropping in here and making you think that Carter and Capsicle were bumping uglies caused the glitch."

"Misplacement."

"Glitch, branch, whatever. The agent caused issues in 513 and 616, as well as here. The T.V.A wanted to resolve it in one go, snip the branch." Tony poured himself another drink.

"Tony it's not lunchtime yet. Maybe slowdown." Natasha told him.

You made eye contact with Wanda and she titled her head at you. You shrugged.

"I don't get it." You said.

"Me neither, this sounds like some Inception kinda shit." Sam added.

"I believe I can help" Vision added stepping forward. "It's the three of them isn't it?" Vision asked Strange. He nodded in reply.

"Us?" Steve asked.

"Yes, I believe so. Y/N, in your dream when you were connected to the others. 616 wasn't with her version of Steve and Bucky?"

You shook your head.

"No, it felt like there was something but they weren't together. They were both asking questions about 616 going to 513 and they were waiting for her next to the platform, but then I woke up."

"And 513, you were lost, missing in action, but you were together, with the Captain and Sergeant?"

You nodded.

"I asked them. Clint said something about it taking us a while but we go there."

"Something is coming isn't it?" Wanda asked, looking at Strange. He nodded.

"And the three of them have to be together." Vision said.

"Why?" You asked. Steve held you tighter, his chest to your back. Bucky placed his hand in yours.

"Sweetheart." "Doll." They said in unison looking down at you. You looked down at the floor.

"They said to tell you. Steve said, he ermmm, he said."

"I know, I was there remember." He ran his lips against your head. "And it's true. In every universe Y/N."

Bucky lifted your hand to his lift and kissed it softly, his actions speaking for him.

"But 513?" You asked

"She'll find her way." Wanda said.

"So, if they're together, we all get our happily ever after?" Sam asked.

"They'll be another threat. Bigger than Thanos, bigger than anything any of us have faced."

"But it won't be us that faces it will it?" Wanda asked knowingly.

"Who then?" Steve asked.

"Our children."

[corkinavoid]

Obsessed With You by Cosmicandy

Theater gothic/Phantom of the opera

(For some horrific reason I couldn't think of a trope)

DPxDC Phantom in the Opera

9/2 sat

Went to Gotham City Opera to see Eugene Onegin with B & Dames. The performance sucked ass (as modern takes on classics usually do), but during Tatyana's aria, some tech guy dropped a rubber chicken from catwalks right on stage. I bet it was on purpose since the lead's voice sounded much similar to the sound that chicken made. Wish I could shake the dude's hand, that was truly the crescendo of the whole scene.

15/2 sun

Came by GCO on the way to WE. Had some time to spare, so decided to go in and find the rubber chicken guy to thank him for the laugh last week. Thought he might appreciate the positive feedback since he was defo yelled at for the stunt. Turns out everyone blames it on a 'ghost'. Using 'Phantom of the Opera' as a cover story is poor taste, in my opinion, but on the other hand, it worked, and who am I to judge.

17/2 mon

Got curious and pulled up the records of GCO employees. No one matches the guy I've seen on the catwalks.

18/2 tue

Blackmailed Damian into drawing the guy. No match through the face recognition program. Should have expected that, really; the one cute guy with a sense of humor I meet (or see, actually), and he doesn't exist.

20/2 thur

Can't stop thinking about the rubber chicken guy. Might have to go back to GCO and ask about the whole ghostly rumor. Last time, no one bat an eye at the 'ghost' excuse, now that I think about it. Has it happened before? Is it a go-to explanation for any prank no one wants to take credit for?

26/2 wed

Visited GCO at night. Seen the guy, but the cam footage came back corrupted when checked downstairs. So maybe the fact that his hair was floating and glowing in the dark was not a hallucination.

27/2 thur

Definitely not a hallucination! Good news: got a sample. Bad news: after analysis, the data also came back corrupted. Weird news: the hair keeps glowing even after it's been cut off.

2/3 sun

The guy's name is Danny. Ghost story confirmed. I'm having a crisis.

4/3 tue

I'm not sure if I want to know absolutely everything there is to know about him or I want to forget everything I've already learned. But then, I've already got so far. Might as well commit to the bit?

8/3 sat

Was invited to see La Traviata tomorrow. Can I still call that reconnaissance, or am I in date territory?

10/3 mon

...it was a date. On an entirely unrelated note, Teddy Hyde ruined all my attempts at coming prepared.

18/3 tue

Heard a new rumor among GCO staff members. They suspect the ghost in their opera is having a crush on Red Robin. Not sure where they've got that idea, but it sure took them some time to notice.

19/3 wed

Damian keeps staring at me at dinners. Maybe I should take that portrait of Danny that he did down from the wall over my bed.

22/3 sat

Going on a date today, and this time, it's definitely a date! Feels like I should be having a crisis over dating a ghost, but somehow, I'm only having a crisis over outfit choices.

61/0° gBs

hEy, yoU're keEEpinG a DIary¡ aboUt Me!¡ ThAt"s cuTe FUCK OFF DANNY THIS IS PRIVATE INFORMATION GET OUT heHeheEhe no~

~•~•~•~

The thing is, I loved the song. And I loved the aesthetic. And I had such a goddamn hard time figuring out how to fit them together; I went through at least three different setups before deciding fuck it imma write silly boys being silly and wish for the best.

Dare I say it turned out cute as fuck, even though I still missed the mark on theater gothic aesthetic for the most part. Anyway, have a few pictures for general vibes!

[Just so you know, if you enter 'sex with a ghost' into google, the first few results will be the lyrics to 'Sex with a Ghost' by Terry Hyde, which is why Tim's research has been rather fruitless]

[sassy-radio-hazbin-queen]

Ok I am going to talk about something that's been on my mind recently.

Major warning ⚠️ might get deep.

Also ADHD RAMBLING SORRY IN ADVANCE 😔

Regarding Alastor and the Seven year absence. Ok so I see how In some recent posts people say Alastor must feel forgotten by the Hasbin crew, cause When Sir Pentious and Dazzle died they got a portrait and a statue. While Alastor got nothing. And Charlie thought he had died too.

But while that is true I'm surprised no one talks about how Alastor already felt Forgotten long before the fight. I'm talking about when he finally got home after 7 years disappearance.

My boy didn't get a Welcome home,( although he did get one from Carmilla later on)or a " Hey are you ok". Nothing. What does he get. Pushed around, Judged ( though it's quite understandable it's still wrong) and even told that he basically didn't matter. Remember the scene between Carmilla and Alastor. Alastor was basically asking her " Hey while I was gone, Did you at least think about me"?. And Carmilla response was definitely " Eh Not Really, But welcome back in any case".

Sure he looked pissed but if I was in his place I'd feel very hurt. I kinda noticed how everyone treats Alastor as if he is the worst thing in hell. When there so much worse * cough Valentino cough*

From what I understand he only targeted those that hurt others. Maybe Hell was pissed because in a way he was saving other souls. Taking them from their abusive owners. Which is fucked up but it's hell. What do you expect?

I firmly believe Alastor grew up in a abusive household and definitely witnessed his mother getting abused which definitely affected his psyche. Maybe his father killed his mother and after killing his father he vowed no one will ever go through what he went through.

So he targeted awful people and offed them. When he got to hell. I think he felt his work wasn't done yet and now he is in the land of abusers and monsters. Maybe deep down. He was the one SCARED 😨.

Maybe he killed so he could feel safe in a twisted way. He ended up selling his soul cause he was scared. His owner who i headcanon is like Mother Gothel definitely didn't help. She manipulated him into thinking she is keeping him safe. When In reality she was using him for his powers.

I also headcanon that ( now this is going to sound crazy) His owner forces him to dress and act the way he does. She wants to be the only one who can play with her toy. His owner definitely doesn't share. So she will try to make him look in her eyes unappealing. We all know this doesn't work though. As Vox had fallen in love with him.

Now I don't believe Vox ever hurt Alastor and as much as I love stories where he gets 😳 obsessed. I actually would be happy if they become best friends again and hope it was just a giant misunderstanding just like Fizz and Blitz.

Still something happened That hurt Alastor deeply that he now hates anything to do with television. My Headcanon is cause Vox started to spend more time with Valentino and accidentally leaving Alastor in the dark. Alastor enjoyed spending time with Vox. Going dancing at a club, listening to radio shows. Even cuddling in a blanket watching a movie. But I think the main reason he enjoyed Vox's company is cause, His owner couldn't touch him. She couldn't hurt him in any way.

Kinda like how a person wants there friend over so there abuser doesn't hurt them. The abuser won't cause they rather do their evil deed in secret.

In other words Alastor felt safe around Vox and when he started spending time with Valentino and less with him. His owner would hurt him.

But no one knew this cause Alastor always had a smile on his face. Always seemed sure and confident of himself. This is a perfect representation of " You don't know what happens behind closed doors". I think this was a learned habit from childhood too. Maybe after his father abused him or/and his mother he would threaten to kill them if they told or even showed any signs of abuse.

His owner definitely has that power. If she has the power to give him power then she has the power to erase Alastor from existence. I think she threatened his afterlife multiple times.

Anyway eventually Vox and Alastor have a big fight which pissed the owner off. And she took him away for seven years. Personally I am among those that think she TORTURED him during that time.

I think she let him out and told him to watch the princess and make sure no one gets redeemed. She sews a smile on his face so everyone thinks he is happy and fine. Again reference to what I said earlier.

Alastor goes back home and everything has changed. Probably a culture shock to him. He goes to the hotel and had to pretend everything is ok. Maybe he was all touchy feely with everyone cause he wants to feel safe and secure. Like he is finally home and not hallucinating. When he is pushed away he acts like it doesn't matter but I think it does. I think it hurts him deeply but because of the abuse he endured in childhood and his afterlife he puts up a front as a defense mechanism.

As Alastor told Charlie

" Just because you see a Smile, don't think you know what's going on underneath. A smile is a valuable tool my dear. It inspires your friends, Keeps your enemies Guessing and says no matter what comes your way, Your the one in control".

In a roundabout way he was basically calling for help without saying he needs help. Remember he can't tell her or anyone about what he went through. Of course In a way it means he is still a prisoner. His owner can take him away at any time and this definitely scares him. So he will do anything he can to prevent this from happening. Even making a deal with the princess of hell.

Anyway So while after the battle I think he felt Forgotten, I think he already felt that way. Like he doesn't matter and he wants to matter. His owner and father probably told him that he is worth nothing and no one will miss him while he is gone.

Well he was gone twice and NO ONE missed him.

That's very sad when you think about it and I'm surprised no one had brought it up yet.

Once again I apologize for my rambling thank you for reading

[letsyapthenightaway]

Nico Hischier x plus size!reader

Not grammar or spell checked.

I still feel like I can't get Nico right but I wanted to post him.

Nico Hischier seems like he gives amazing cuddles. He just looks so sweet and cozy! I'm adding him to the list of players I think would like a plus size woman. I feel like he would admire you so much! He looks at you like you hung the moon and stars even before dating.

He wouldn't be touchy like Jack but he itches for it. Taps his fingers on whatever he can so they stay off of you, he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable. Looks at you a couple times almost like he is reading you, trying to figure you out. If he notices you are leaning into him a lot he would take the chance to wrap his arm around you. I feel like he wouldn't be much of a squeezer, only occasionally squeezing your plush hips.

I feel like he would be right in the middle of how I describe the two Hughes devils. Not as blunt and outgoing as Jack but definitely not as shy as Luke. Definitely one of those situations when everyone knows he likes you except you.

The first date would probably be at a bakery or something similar. Maybe even a small activity together as long as it screams cozy because he just gives me that vibe. I'm torn here, I wanna say he is a calm at home guy but I also feel like he'd try to rope you up in some outdoor activities. If you aren't an athletic person he'd forget that you can't keep up with him. Or just can't do things because of being bigger. I feel like he would forget you are plus size, he doesn't see you for your size.

If you feel insecure he wouldn't sugar coat anything. Would reassure you by telling you how he sees you in his eyes but won't downplay what you think or feel. Of course he doesn't want you to feel insecure, he thinks your fucking gorgeous! But he can see why you feel like that, people aren't nice. He just makes sure to love and appreciate you more openly.

I feel like he doesn't notice when he speaks in his first language. He is so comfortable with you he will just start talking away. It's not until he sees your face that he's like, oh. Especially when sleepy and cuddling, he gives me big spoon vibes. His head would be in your shoulder, eyes closed, and mumbling away. He'd be so happy when he sees you actually understanding him or responding to him. Even if it's just a couple words he is celebrating them.

The team's favorite past time is teasing you both.

I feel like a fan would make a "Mama y Papa" TikTok.

[signanothername]

I– I need to ask.

HOW DO YOU DO THIS?? Like, share your thoughts with everyone. Because I've been working on my universe for about three years now, AND I STILL FEEL LIKE IT'S NOT READY. At the same time, I’m still afraid to share these things...

So. How do you do it?D:

Alright my answer will seem a bit harsh and/or cruel, but know that I mean it in the most kind, genuine, and gentle way possible, i just don’t know how to word it any other way

With that in mind

Anon, you’re never going to be ready to share it, and the fear will always linger, you will never be 100% confident of what you share

And that’s ok

Again, I know that i make it seem super easy, but I promise that I’m just as afraid to share my ideas as anyone else (I’m a perfectionist, and that also contributes to my fear to share things)

It’s just, I think of it this way

I have an idea, and I got two choices

Either

1- I keep overthinking it, and succumb to my worries and fears when it comes to my idea, and keep my ideas with me, never to see the light of day

Or

2- I acknowledge that I’m afraid, acknowledge that my idea might not be perfect or ready, acknowledge that there might be flaws that I will probably notice later and even feel stupid about it, and still share my ideas anyway regardless of the voice in my head telling me to “wait a little more”

I usually go for choice number 2

The art and writing process is complicated, it’s so not easy to write something and feel ready to share it, no matter how much time it takes, you will never ever feel truly and utterly ready to share it, you’ll have that worry in your mind that maybe it’s stupid, or incomplete, or inconsistent or whatever else

And guess what? Sometimes, the worried voice in your head is completely right

But what matters is how you tackle it

Even if you share an idea, remember that you can always change your mind about it, you can absolutely go back and say, I don’t like that idea anymore and so I’ll remove/ change/ replace it

Ideas are never set in stone, you change and grow as a person as so do your ideas, they grow and change with you as you learn more and more, and sometimes they don’t, they don’t change at all, and that’s ok too

You can’t keep worrying about whether the story or idea you’re working on is ready or complete, because all you’re going to do is just walk around in circles and end up never sharing anything at all

It’s ok to be worried, but you can’t let your worries control you, of course, it’s not easy to ignore your worries, but it’s better than feeling stuck with your ideas

I myself do deal with these worries a lot, most of the time i just tell my brain “shut up” and share my ideas anyway, other times my worries do get the best of me and i tend to keep some ideas to myself

But sharing your ideas is actually essential for you to actually be able to work on them and refine them, because people might start asking questions or giving really good feedback that you actually sit with yourself to think about

But what if they ask you a question and you don’t know the answer to it? That’s actually a good thing, it’ll make you sit down and think of how to connect the dots and answer it, not only does it mean you’re actually making progress on your story/ideas, but these kinda questions help you understand different perspectives and by that, you learn and grow in your writing

It’s ok to be worried and to keep ideas to yourself sometimes, but don’t let them fester, because believe me, eventually your passion is gonna burn out because you kept overthinking it to the point it became just a worry than something you enjoy doing

In fact, to give you a bit of motivation, imma actually share one of the ideas I never shared cause I was afraid it’ll be a bit stupid and out of character

And I’m very worried about sharing it, but fuck my worry I do what I want

Remember when I mentioned Dream received one gift from Nightmare, and never received anything after? My idea for that gift was an echo flower he gave Dream, and it echoes one thing “I love you”

There, I shared it ouuughh the stress of sharing it is killing me actually, but I mean I can keep worrying about it forever, or actually share it and refine it later if I wanted, I choose the latter

And your ideas are never going to be perfect anyway, but you can improve them with time, even after sharing them

That’s all I do really shzggz

So go out there and start sharing anon, fuck anxiety, you can do whatever you want, you’re unstoppable