#and I enjoy thinking of mediocre superpowers a lot

[afriendcalledarchie]

Intro:

I bid you welcome, visitor, to my virtual diary. You can call me Archie; or whatever you think adds some character to the mediocre persona I portray on the Internet.

If it helps you form an image of whom lies behind the screen; then I am eighteen trying to get even the dullest scintilla of the so-called teenage fever. I don’t have a superpower, but I can completely obsess over any album if I liked the energy it channels. My pronouns are she/ her and you can consider this a safe corner.

What else? Oh, I use studying as a distraction, I spend most of my time reading certain things I wish I wrote, or were written about me. I like my salads with dried mint, and I drink plenty of water which makes me pee a lot… too much information? I am also a native Arabic speaker.

Anyways, I treat this blog like the margin of my physics notebook- a bit of band stuff, pictures I find fascinating, and thoughts that have no significant importance.

I hope you enjoy your stay here. Apologies for sounding too pretentious. One must put on a facade to sound interesting.

Navigation in the tags;

[cherrymagik]

How tua tv show ruined hotel oblivion

Before I say anything: THIS IS IN NO WAY AN ATTACK TOWARDS ANYONE YOU ARE 100% FREE TO ENJOY WHATEVER CONTENT YOU WANT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION AND YOU ARE FREE TO DISAGREE (just don’t be an asshole abt and we’re good) also SPOILERS!!! for both tv show and comics

(a while back I saw a post by @fivehargreeves and i have since then been putting off this post bc i want to elaborate on it but i am too lazy and i know i never really post stuff here but this is something i feel really strongly abt especially after that s2 finale)

When I first read the umbrella academy comics one of the things I loved the most about was the world building. It was so crazy and weird (in a good way) and while I still loved the story and characters, for me the most fascinating part of them was the world. It was a world so much like ours, yet completely different and the little details in the background or those offhand mentions of aliens or other "weird" stuff made the tua world feel more alive and interesting. So obviously when n*tflix announced they were adapting the comics into a show i was thrilled. But when I watched it I was... disappointed to say the least :/

Ex. 1 The Umbrella Academy's debut- In the comics, the first time the world met the umbrella academy was when "the day Eiffel Tower went berserk" (literally)

It turns out the Eiffel Tower had been a spaceship all along establishing the first villain in the comics: Zombie Robot Gustave Eiffel. But the innthe tv show we get.... a bank robbery 😐 (not as impressive as the Eiffel Tower imo) THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPERHEROES FOR GODS SAKE! Why are they fighting petty crime? Let them fight the Eiffel Tower you cowards!!!

Ex. 2 The Orchestra Verdammten- (@/fivehargreeves post talks specifically abt this issue and summarizes most of my thoughts so i will say very little on this point) In the comics the main antagonist for vol.1 was an orchestra made up of musicians who had gone crazy (for one reason or another) and gone missing after joining the Orchestra Verdammten. But once again the villain is replaced with something very common and might I say mediocre. This as we will see is a running thing in the show: make most of the elements that made the comics stand out and replace them with more common/normal elements.

Ex. 3 Watering down/changing most characters' powers- Would you believe me if I told you it was Klaus that stopped the moon from colliding with earth? No you wouldn’t because in the tv show his powers are so... useless. And he was not the only one who’s powers got watered down (even though he is one of the most notable examples)

Luther/Spaceboy: his powers remain the same (as far as we have seen) however I am detaching points bc i don’t like how his character arc was handled in the show

Diego/The Kraken: first of all WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HES CALLED THE KRAKEN -A MARINE MONSTER- YOU IDIOTS???!!! but seriously, why did they ever think it was a good idea to ever change his powers? It takes away so much from his character! Diego’s power is breathing underwater not whatever object manipulation bullshit they gave him in the show. His powers have NOTHING to do with knife throwing yet he is still as good at it in the comics as in the show; he got that good just from practice. He obsessive with his goals and we don’t get to see that in the show bc they completely changed his powers!!! They just took part of The Séance's and gave them to him! (@/fivehargreeves also has another post on this so go check it out bc it’s better worded than mine)

Allison/The Rumor: Oh my god I could talk about her all day and how dirty they did her in the tv show!!! In the comics Allison has the power to alter REALITY ITSELF

see: (click images to view)

she manifested a whole ass statue to life! And in vol.2 (the Kennedy assassination one) she was the one that killed Kennedy! She made his head explode just by rumoring him. But noooooo they had to sideline her in s2 so they could pursue a side plot for 'wokeness points' (i am happy that they dealt with the racism she would most likely have faced in the 1960's BUT they took away ALL her protagonism in the comics and had her be a minor character) if it hadn’t been for Allison the world would have ended -> murdering Kennedy was the only way to save the world

Klaus/The Séance: ugh where do i start? Klaus is extremely powerful in the comics, like I said he was able to stop the moon from colliding with earth. Not only did they have his powers watered down, they also took away all his telekinetic abilities in the show. Also, the only way his powers can be blocked is when he’s wearing shoes not drugs (i also want to point out that the way his addiction is treated in the show is weird and sometimes even uncomfortable to me but that is another topic for another time). His ability to summon the dead are almost nothing like in the show as compared to the comics he is called The Séance you know but whatever where he not only does he speak TO the dead he can also MANIFEST them through him which was probably the most important factor in stopping Vanya/The White Violin in Apocalypse Suite + not giving him his EXTREMELY WELL DESERVED FAME!!! 😤 THE AUDACITY!!! (I have talked abt Klaus before on another post)

Number Five: I don’t have much to say about him except that he is a lot darker in the comics and not as loving about his family as they make him in the show *cough* shooting vanya in the head *cough* but for the most part.... he’s fine ig (my main problem is they make him idk? too playful(?) in s1 when he actually he is all dry humor and dark jokes)

Ben/The Horror: doesn’t really appear in the comics so nothing to say here

Vanya/The White Violin: not including her transformation in the show was cowardly and having her be manipulated by a man was uh kinda problematic if I may say so. We only ever see her use her powers in vol.1 since she was crippled by getting shot in the head at the end of it and hasn’t been able to do much since then. Her story has been completely changed in the show and i am still not completely sure i like it. Her dealing with trauma and coming to terms with her childhood are quickly brushed away and not really delved into as opposed to the comics where she is still trying to process it

Ex. 4 Technology- The World in the comics is a lot more sci-fi than in the show where it almost an exact copy of ours. For one: the chimpanzees. In the comics Pogo isn’t the only one, we can see a lot of others in the background

Also stuff like the televator or the hotel oblivion are never mentioned or alluded to in the show

Now to get to the main point of this post: IT IS IMPOSSIBLE AT THIS POINT THAT THE TV SHOW WILL BE ABLE TO FOLLOW HOTEL OBLIVION'S PLOT BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON THERE BEING VILLAINS!!!

This are superhero comics! Maybe we don’t see them fighting all the villains that appear in hotel oblivion, but the fact is that they are there! They are part of the world and part of what makes it breathe and come alive on the pages. To paraphrase (albeit a VERY simplified paraphrase) Watchmen (don’t tell me it didn’t influence tua bc IT DID and i can prove it) 'if there are superheroes then there are villains' especially in a world where superpowers exist and technology is a lot more advanced than in watchmen where they were all normal people (with the exception of dr. manhattan). But by dumbing down the world in the show we are left with a flavorless setting that has no effect whatsoever on the plot (compared to the comics). Maybe some aspects like the Sparrow Academy will be included (I am kinda scared to think where they will go with it) but it won’t be Hotel Oblivion. In s1 I could point out where the comics had influenced the show, hell even in s2 you could see the comic's influence but... Hotel Oblivion? I don’t see any possibility of it getting to tv and that’s the truth

[flora-jimin]

𝑪𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔

Pairing: Ot7 (Jimin Centric)

Genre: Angst, Smut, PWP

Word Count: 6.7k

Rating: 18+

Summary:  Jimin starts to feel a little out of place and left out in their relationship.The boys make sure he knows he's just as important to them as they are to him.

Tags: Still Standing Verse, Sense8 Au, Jimin-centric, Poly Relationship, Self Loathing, Hurt/Comfort, Humiliation Kink, Makeup Sex, Overstimulation, Aftercare, Superpowers, Oral, Threesomse, Frotting, Voyeurism, Overstimulation, Crying During Sex, Superpowers During Sex

A/n: This oneshot was written months ago for a fic called Still Standing that I’ve been writing for over a year. It is a sense8 au where all the boys also have superpowers. If you’d like to read that, the link is in my bio on my blog, as it’s not a net approved fic, but for clarity’s sake, the superpower being used during sex is Yoongi’s umbrakinesis, or shadow manipulation.

AO3 Link

He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been feeling left out lately.

Like today, with Jungkook and Taehyung going to the movies without him. Both of them eagerly holding hands and laughing as they were off to see a movie he had told them all months ago he was eager to see, it hurt.

“Oh, hyung, we figured you’d be at work during that time!”

It felt like a stab to the chest, but he only smiled and told them it was okay. He’d see it with Ji-Woo or he’d see it when the DVD came out.

When Hoseok and Yoongi paired up and disappeared into Yoongi’s studio to make music, he didn’t bother asking to join. Those two were often off in their own world when Yoongi let Hoseok into Genius Lab. It was a rule amongst their cluster not to go into Genius Lab unless Yoongi invited you in. The second oldest sensate took his personal space very seriously. So, Jimin only smiled and told them he hoped they came up with something good when he saw Yoongi take Hoseok’s hand and disappear behind the door.

Besides, he couldn’t rap like they did. He’d probably just be in the way.

When Jin was making lunch for Namjoon and talking about how the two were going to head out to Han River for a date, Jimin only bit back a smile and handed Jin the condiments and utensils the oldest had asked him for as he helped out.

He helped make the lunch, why wasn’t he invited too? Why couldn’t he go to Han River and be with them, too?

Jimin clenched his fists as he sat at the dinner table. Everyone was out. He was alone.

Again.

His head whirred as he felt all six men, all of them having the time of their lives. He felt them, didn’t they feel him? Did they care? Jimin felt a creeping sense of dread start to eat at him. Maybe they all didn’t need him anymore.

He put his head down, tears stinging his eyes as that inner voice got louder, belittling him and dragging him further into the pit of self loathing he’d found himself in.

“What do you even do? What do you have to bring to the table?” It sneered at him and Jimin squeezed his eyes shut tighter.

“You’re just some barista with a mediocre grip on your powers, you’re the weakest link out of all of the cluster and you know it. You’re a joke, Park Jimin, everyone’s laughing.”

He clutched his head, his chest heaving as he tried to ignore that voice. It was his own inner thoughts betraying him, and this wasn’t the first time he’d heard it insult him.

It never hurt this bad, though.

“-im? Chim? Fuck! Hyung, he’s crying!”

Jimin only barely registered Hoseok’s voice in his ears. He curled up tighter, biting his lip. The Busan boy didn’t want to bother anyone. They were having so much fun without him anyway and-

Yoongi’s face came into his view as those big hands picked his head up from the cocoon he’d made with his arms. He could barely see the second oldest, but he felt a strong pulse of concern through their link and he couldn’t help himself from breaking down and sobbing in his hands.

Hoseok startled from behind him and Yoongi’s lips pursed as he pulled him into his arms, letting the smallest man cry against his neck. He looked to Hoseok and nodded towards the bedroom.

“Pick him up. We should get him somewhere more comfortable.” He instructed as Jimin sobbed louder. Hoseok nodded, one arm sliding under the barista’s legs before he nudged Jimin’s head with his lips.

“C’mon baby boy, arms around my neck. We’re gonna take care of you.” He cooed, nearly missing a step when Jimin clung suddenly to his neck. He could feel the tears rolling down his neck as he walked him to the other room, biting his lip in worry.

Yoongi followed right behind him, lips a thin line as he felt Jimin’s flared up emotions vibrating through the link from all the boys. It overrode everyone else’s emotions and Yoongi could feel the worry and confusion coming from the four missing boys at the sudden fever pitch of negative emotions.

Hoseok sat down with Jimin in his lap, rocking him slightly to calm him, even a fraction. Yoongi crawled onto the bed right after him, gently prying Jimin’s hands away from Hoseok’s neck and moving his face so he looked him in the eyes. Jimin’s lip wobbled, his eyes bloodshot as snot rolled down his nose.

“You poor thing...what happened? Why are you crying?” Hoseok inquired, reaching into the bedside table to fish out a box of tissues. He gently wiped Jimin’s cheeks before pressing the tissues to his nose. Jimin held his wrist and blew weakly, feeling a slight relief from the congestion of his nose as Yoongi’s cat-like eyes watched his every move, concern shining in his face.

He looked away from Yoongi, guilt pulsing through their link.

He’d made them stop their fun to humor his little breakdown. He really was the worst.

Yoongi and Hoseok felt the second pulse of guilt get overridden with the feeling of self loathing, and without sharing a word, both men sandwiched Jimin in between them from a group hug.

The smallest man tensed, tears springing up in his eyes again. He wanted more attention from them, yes, but the doubt of his own self worth kept him from enjoying the sensation. He hated this feeling.

“Talk to us, baby. What happened?” Hoseok tried again and Jimin clenched his fists before burying his face in Yoongi’s shoulder.

“Do...do you all still love me? Am I in the way?” He inquired softly. Both men tensed and the other four stood around him, eyes wide.

“Jimin-”

“No one wants to spend time with me anymore. The movies, the music, the dates...why is everyone avoiding me?” Jimin’s voice quivered as he spoke and he did his best to formulate actual sentences.

“I...I feel like a third wheel to this relationship. Is everyone ignoring my emotions? I know you can feel them and-”

“No, no baby it’s not like that.” Namjoon was at his side in a moment, kissing his cheeks as he cupped his cheeks. Jimin looked up at him and Namjoon felt his heart break.

God, they fucked up.

“I’m not going to make any excuses for any of us. We should have noticed. You’re not a third wheel, baby. We love you.” Their leader continued with his soothing tone. Jimin lowered his eyes to Yoongi’s shoulder, unable to meet any of their gazes.

The other men all exchanged looks, but none of them said a word until the fatigue of the day caused Jimin to pass out slowly.

Once they all felt he was completely asleep, all eyes turned to their leader as they all visited from their respective locations.

Namjoon was driving back to their shared home, jaw set while Jungkook leaned up from the back seat.

“What are we going to do? We really messed up bad.” He voiced what they were all thinking and they shared a collective harsh sigh.

“We have to make it up to him. It was our own negligence that lead to this. Apologize properly when he’s awake and make sure he feels loved. Jimin is an important part of our cluster and our lives and I don’t want him-or any of you-to ever feel like this. We’re gonna let him rest and start tomorrow.” He told them, the determination to fix this problem shining in his eyes. Jungkook relaxed back into the seat and nodded with the rest of them.

-The Next Morning-

When Jimin woke up, the first thing he noticed was his inability to move. He was wedged between Namjoon and Taehyung and when he lifted his head to locate the other men, he saw he was the one who had taken the middle spot, with the other five (Jin seemed to be missing from the pile) men keeping him warm. He blushed and wiggled, trying to free himself from the pile.

It was a difficult task, but eventually he managed to do so, shuffling carefully out of the center so he wouldn’t step on any of his slumbering boyfriends. He looked back at them, a bittersweet smile on his face when he saw them all.

They all looked so perfect, even without him there.

He felt a twinge of that self loathing come back, so he ducked his head and left the room, not noticing Namjoon peeking at him through one of his cracked open eyes.

Jimin made his way to the kitchen, seeing Jin had started cooking breakfast. He placed a hand against the doorway, knocking gently to get his attention. Jin smiled at him and he responded with a soft smile of his own.

“‘Mornin, hyung.” he greeted.

“Good morning, Chim. I’ll be making your favorite pancakes, too. Have a seat, alright?” Jin instructed, turning back to the stove. Jimin hesitated before he moved to sit, playing with his fingers as he waited.

He stared at Jin’s back as he cooked, watching the oldest glide around the kitchen, plucking seasonings and foods from cabinets, the fridge, and the freezer effortlessly as he made their large breakfast.

“Hyung, do you need any help?” Jimin inquired after five minutes had gone by. Jin slid the breakfast sausages into the oven and nodded.

“If you could, could you come over here and mix the batter for the pancakes? We’ll need a lot.” Jin told him, offering him a large mixing bowl. Jimin smiled, grateful Jin was giving him the opportunity to help. He was hoping they wouldn’t be mad at him after his outburst yesterday.

He chewed on his lip as Jin began washing out some fruits in the sink.

“Hyung...about last night...can we forget it? Can we pretend I didn’t say those things? I didn’t mean to accuse you all of not loving me and ignoring me…”He trailed off. The kitchen fell into a silence as Jin kept his eyes on the strawberries in his palm. The oldest sighed and tapped the back of the faucet to shut the water off. He picked up the strainer the fruit was in, letting the water drain out of it before he moved to Jimin’s side, slicing some of the red berries.

“You shouldn’t apologize for telling us how you feel. If we made you feel like this, you should say it. That way we can make sure we don’t ever let it get this bad again. You’re important to us.” Jin hummed, taking the cut berries in his hands and walking behind Jimin, who had slowed his stirring as he thoughtfully looked into the white mix.

Jin dropped the berries into the bowl, pressing Jimin against the counter as he wrapped his arms around his back. The smaller man nearly dropped the bowl, had Jin not have closed his larger hands over Jimin’s.

“We’re sorry. The only ones who should be apologizing is us.” Jin spoke directly into his ear and Jimin felt his knees buckle slightly. He had a weak spot for being pinned down, but now wasn’t the time for him to be getting excited over nothing.

“But I-”

“Shh. We have to make breakfast.” Jin teased, placing his hand over Jimin’s as they stirred the batter. The younger man nodded and complied, trying not to think about how close Jin was to him.

Or how many times the members of the cluster had fooled around in the kitchen.

Jin noticed the pulse of embarrassment and arousal radiating off of the smaller man and he grinned, setting the bowl down and placing his palms down on the counter by either side of Jimin’s hips.

He peppered Jimin’s neck in kisses, smiling when the smaller man tried to suppress his giggles. Jimin blushed to the tips of his ears, breath hitching up when he felt Jin palming the front of his quickly tenting boxers.

“H-hyung, the breakfast…”Jimin protested, though he pressed closer to Jin’s hand. The older man smiled against the pale skin of his neck.

“The oven is on low. I can be quick, just keep stirring.” Jin gave his ass a slap and sunk to his knees and Jimin gasped when he felt the cool air of the kitchen hit his ass as Jin tugged his boxers down as he went.

“Turn around for me, Chim.” Jin purred and Jimin obeyed, flustered. His hands shook as he held onto the mixing bowl, his cock twitching as Jin teasingly blew along the length. He took Jimin’s cock in his hand and ran his tongue up the underside from base to tip, reveling in the full-body shiver that went through the younger sensate.

Jin made a point to watch every expression on Jimin’s face as he bobbed his head, taking a bit more each time. Jimin’s grip on the spoon and bowl tightened as he let out a shaky breath, resisting the urge to roll his hips up into the warm sensation of Jin’s mouth. The oldest used one of his hands to stroke whatever wasn’t in his mouth, pulling Jimin closer with his other hand.

“H-Hyung! Please…” Jimin whined, biting his lip when Jin rolled his tongue over his sensitive head. He made a point to sound as sloppy as he could, enjoying the way Jimin’s resolve broke. He set the bowl aside without another moment’s hesitation, one hand shakily on the back of Jin’s head.

Jin could tell he was holding back, probably afraid he would choke the older man if he thrusted up. In response, he removed his own hand from Jimin’s dick, eyes sliding closed as he took the entirety of Jimin’s cock in his mouth.

The smaller man was far from the biggest or thickest out of the seven men, but Jin still enjoyed giving him blowjobs as much as he did the others.

Mostly because Jimin was the most responsive one.

“H-Hyung, more. Oh my god…” Jimin tilted his head back, giving Jin an experimental few thrusts to make sure he didn’t catch him off-guard. Jin took it in stride, placing a hand on his thigh. They often used signals during sex to make sure they were all on the same page in case it wasn’t clear through their connection.

Jimin could feel that Jin was relaxed and eager, and the light tap on his thigh was a sign from the oldest to do what he wanted.

Fingers shaking, Jimin ran his fingers into Jin’s hair, gripping firmly as he thrusted forward, shaky mewls leaving his lips as he fucked his hyung’s mouth. Jin was painfully hard himself from the treatment and teasing as he shifted on his knees, dipping his hand into his own pajama pants to stroke his aching cock.

“W-We’re gonna wake the others if you stay so loud, Jiminie~” Jin teased as he popped his mouth off for a moment, knowing full well the other men wouldn’t be able to ignore the dual sense of arousal rolling off the two men in waves. Jin pulled his sleep pants down more so he could stroke himself more freely while Jimin blushed, his bottom lip plumper than usual from him biting it to keep his moans down.

It was a fruitless effort since they were all connected, but that made it all that much cuter, in Jin’s opinion.

“Fuuck fuck fuck I’m close. Hyung!” Jimin’s hips began to stutter, so Jin pressed hum flush against the counter, taking over by bobbing his head quicker than he was before. Jimin’s grip in his hair tightened to the point that it was borderline painful, but Jin wasn’t at all opposed to the jolt that came from the action. He stroked himself at the same pace as his head movements, his thumb smearing precum over his head as he watched Jimin unravel before him.

“G-Gonna cum gonna cum, please please please-” Jimin pulled harder, this time trying to yank Jin off before he came in his mouth, but the oldest wouldn’t budge, swallowing around Jimin’s twitching cock.

All it took was a few more bobs before Jimin came with a cry, rope after rope of cum filling Jin’s mouth. He swallowed most of it, pulling off of Jimin’s cock as he continued stroking himself, feeling his own release quickly approaching.

He glanced up, seeing Jimin stare down at him with lust-blown eyes, cheeks red and sweat rolling down his temple as he held his gaze. The older Sensate’s eyes moved to his lips as Jimin weakly called to him.

“H-Hyung…”

Jin came nearly on the spot, the milky drops landing on the dark tile of the kitchen between his knees.

They all had a soft spot for Jimin’s lips. Honestly, who wouldn’t?

Jimin blushed and moved to get paper towels as Jin tucked himself back into his pants. The older man took them as soon as he returned, refusing to let Jimin clean up the mess. Jimin pouted at him as he watched the older man clean. Jin ignored him and stood to dispose of the soiled tissues, moving to go to the sink to wash his hands.

“You came a lot. Have you been pent up, baby?” Jin teased after a moment of silence, hands soapy. Jimin blushed hard and went to swat at him when he noticed Jin still had a bit of his cum at the corner of his lips.

Blushing, he leaned up to lick it off, shying when Jin sent him a coy look.

Later, when the rest of the boys filed into the kitchen one by one, Yoongi took note of the difference in the piles of pancakes between the boys.

“Didn’t you want more food, Jin? You barely have any on your plate.” He mused.

Jin only smiled as he drank his coffee.

“I had some breakfast earlier, actually.” He chirped, and Jimin choked from across the table.

-2 Days Later, Cafe Thief’s Heart-

Jimin sighed as he brewed the next batch of coffee. There was a customer outside that had been giving him trouble for a while now, but he did his best not to let it get to him. Ji-Woo would no doubt cause a scene and both Taehyung and Jungkook were usually busy helping out somewhere else in the cafe to come to his aid.

He shook his head, slapping his cheeks. He had to focus.

There’s no way he should need the younger men to run to his aid, anyway.

He exhaled and brought the ice coffee to the man with a slice of cake, shuddering at the way the middle-aged man eyed him when he set the food down. He stood and politely bowed and went to leave when the man leaned up and sent him a flirtatious smile.

“Y’know, I think you’re pretty cute, Jimin. Maybe we could get this to go, hm?” He winked and Jimin felt physically ill. Despite that, he sent him his best customer service smile and shook his head.

“No thank you, sir. If you’d like, I could put your things in to-go containers.” He offered. The man’s face turned and he rolled his eyes.

“Think you’re too good to go out with me? Pathetic. It would be your honor to date someone with as much wealth as I have.” He grunted, clearly annoyed he had been rejected. Jimin’s brow twitched in annoyance. Though he didn’t have the most highest of paying jobs working for Ji-Woo’s cafe, but he enjoyed working with his best friend more than anything.

Plus, several of his partners had more than enough wealth that even if that was the defining factor in whether he went out with someone (it wasn’t. How shallow is that?), they had that more than covered.

“That’s too bad you feel like that. Enjoy your order, sir.” Jimin muttered through gritted teeth as he spun on his heel. He had gotten around four steps away before he heard the sound of glass breaking.

Closing his eyes and collecting himself, he turned, rage bubbling up when he saw the cake slice on the floor and the man faking a shocked expression.

“Oh no, my cake fell! Could you clean this up, Jimin? Someone could fall on this.” He informed him, taking a sip of his iced coffee. Jimin gritted his teeth and went to grab a small bag they kept in their aprons, kneeling down to pick up the large glass pieces first. The man swirled the iced coffee for a moment before he popped the cap off, looking into the cup.

“I think you should check this out too, Jim-Jim. It doesn’t taste right. You agree, right?” The man sneered, pouring the iced coffee on Jimin’s head. The small man leapt up, a startled gasp leaving his lips as the cold drink rolled down the back of his neck and down his shirt. He shook, tears sprouting up in the corners of his eyes as the other customers turned their attention to the scene.

“I told you I wanted a double shot of vanilla syrup in it. Couldn’t get that right either?” The man chuckled. Jimin clenched his fists, body shaking as he felt the fresh embarrassment roll over him.

Before anyone could see him cry, a towel fell over his head and he was pulled against a warm body. Blinking, he looked up to see Taehyung standing protectively over him while Jungkook yanked the man up by his shirt. The youngest man sent him a dangerous smile, ignoring all the complaining about harassment from the man as he began dragging him outside.

“You all see this! This is assault and harassment! I’ll ruin you!” He barked,

Ji-Woo stood at the counter, arms crossed.

“Get this trash out of my shop. I absolutely don’t condone customers treating my employees and friends like shit.”

“Don’t worry, dude. You’re free to try that slick shit with me.” Jungkook threatened as he pulled him outside. The other customers began chattering, but not a single one looked like they would call the police on them, so Jimin was relieved. Tae frowned and looked down at him.

“Hyung...you’re shaking. C’mon, lets get you out of that. Woo-Ya, Kook and I are gonna take him home when he gets changed. Is that okay?” He inquired. Ji-Woo smiled and nodded.

“It’s fine. Minjun and I can hold down the fort. It’s almost closing time anyway.” She waved them off and Tae bowed in gratitude, pulling Jimin into the back room.

“Are you alright?” He asked as he pulled the uniform shirt off. Jimin nodded, coffee still dripping from his hair. His shirt was no doubt ruined, but he couldn’t help the warm feeling of relief that filled him. He felt more appreciated each day and although he would much rather do without the altercation moments ago, he still felt his heart swell two sizes from Tae and Jungkook coming to his aid.

“Hyung, you’re spacing out.” Tae teased. Jimin blushed and both of them startled when Jungkook slammed the door to the room, storming in as he marched up to the shorter Busan native. He took Jimin’s face in his hands, checking for injuries before he made eye contact.

“I beat his ass.”

“I know. Thank you, Kook.” He cooed, pressing his cold hands on top of Jungkook’s. The maknae sent him a smile and gave him his jacket. Jimin noticed Taehyung and Jungkook kept him firmly wedged between them as they walked home.

He blushed and smiled, inhaling Jungkook’s scent.

-30 Minutes Later-

Y’know, he didn’t mean this when he said they had him wedged between them, but he wouldn’t complain.

Currently, Jimin was straddling Taehyung’s waist, both of their cocks slick with cum as they rutted against one another while Jungkook had a near bruising grip on the older man’s waist, hips slapping against Jimin’s plump ass as he rocked into him.

Shortly after he took a shower (with both of them insisting they join), the three youngest sensates stumbled into the bedroom, soaked bodies falling to the sheets. It was a flurry of hands groping at whatever they could (“We’ve got to make sure to warm you up real good, hyung”) and lips on skin (“You still taste like coffee, Jiminie. Delicious.”)

Taehyung had fucked him first, kissing the back of his neck while Jungkook stroked both his and Jimin’s cocks in unison, groaning against his lips as they kissed. He’d barely had a chance to rest before the two switched positions, with Jungkook fucking him much faster than Tae did, leaving Jimin a babbling mess as each thrust sent his cock sliding against Taehyung’s.

He leaned down to kiss him sloppily, the desperate growls leaving Jungkook’s lips behind him telling them both that he was close. The youngest leaned down, effectively sandwiching Jimin between them both.

“So pretty, hyung. You gonna cum? You wanna show Tae Tae that beautiful face when you do?” He teased, pulling Jimin’s hair so he arched up. Taehyung looked up, groaning when he saw how far gone Jimin was.

He lifted his own hips, thrusting against Jimin’s cock faster while Jungkook fucked him hard. It wasn’t much longer until all three of them came, sweat and cum running down their bodies as they collapsed on top of one another.

“Aigoo, you’re both heavy! Get off!” Tae complained half heartedly. Jungkook sent him a crooked smile and Jimin kissed his nose to appease him. They all broke out into comfortable laughter and laid together until they had enough energy to drag themselves out of bed and take another shower, making sure to change the sheets before any of their hyungs got home.

The other four came home to them cuddling in a pile together.

-3 Days Later, Genius Lab-

“Nnng….”

“Ah, you wanted to make music, Jimine. The recording won’t pick it up if you hold back.”

“T-This isn’t what I-ohh fuck yes yes-this isn’t what I meant!”

“If audio doesn’t work, we could always shoot a ‘music video’.”

Jimin was about to come up with a retort, but Hoseok picked up his pace, rolling his hips expertly as he rocked into the smaller man. Yoongi had been calmly teasing him the whole time, lazily stroking his dick from across the room as he watched the two fuck like rabbits on the couch he had in his studio.

Hmph. Voyeur.

“Hobi fuck! Right there right there yes!” He gasped, nails running down Hoseok’s back as the pyromancer hit him just right. Hoseok licked his lips and sat up, hooking his hands under the back of Jimin’s knees, holding them apart as he rocked into him.

“O-Ohh fuck fuck fuck!” Jimin threw his head back, cock leaking against his abs as his balls drew up, feeling another orgasm creeping closer.

“He’s gonna cum again, Yoongs. Look at him.” Hoseok purred affectionately, thumbs rubbing the back of Jimin’s thighs. Jimin trembled, looking over at Yoongi and whining pathetically.

“I-I want to make you feel good too, hyung. Ahh, fuck!” Jimin closed his eyes, moments away from his orgasm when it suddenly…..stopped.

He gasped in surprise, eyes flying open as Hoseok spilled inside of him again, but his own orgasm was prevented by the shadow wrapped around his cock, effectively preventing him from cumming. He panted, looking over at Yoongi as the oldest man in the room sent him a coy smile.

“H-Hyung-”

“You said you wanted to make me feel good. I would never deny my baby boy that. What kind of mean hyung do you think I am?” The DJ cooed, sending him a sly smile. Hoseok laughed tiredly, gently sliding out of Jimin. He could tell Yoongi was about to take over and he didn’t want to miss a moment.

They all loved when he got like this.

“C’mon then, Jimin. Come make me feel better, then.” Yoongi beckoned him over in a tone that told Jimin there was something more to it. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t excited. He slid off the couch, still feeling weak from the several times he and Hoseok had fucked previously. He panted, blushing as he felt mentioned man’s cum start to leak down his thighs.

Yoongi noticed and smirked, raising his hand.

A shadow shaped like a hand scooped up some of the cum, lifting it to Jimin’s lips. The barista didn’t hesitate, flicking his tongue to lick it off immediately. Yoongi’s chest rumbled in satisfaction and he propped his head up on his chin, lips quirking as he saw Jimin’s knees buckle again as he tried to continue walking.

“Maybe you should crawl. Wouldn’t want you to fall, baby.” Yoongi offered, still stroking his cock with his free hand. Jimin nodded and got on his hands and knees, biting his lip as he felt his still-restricted cock bob from the motion.

“Oh, hyung you're a real sadist.” Hoseok chuckled, eyes trained on Jimin’s ass as he made his way to Yoongi slowly. The DJ didn’t respond verbally, but the look of satisfaction on his face told them both all that they needed to know.

He really did love using his powers during sex.

Jimin was around a foot or two away from the chair Yoongi was sitting in when the older man decided he hadn’t teased him enough. He sat up, flicking the hand that wasn’t on his cock. In moments, Jimin’s knees almost failed him as he felt something slide into his slick hole.

His cheeks went red as he watched Yoongi’s hand move, the shadow fucking him hard. He groaned, forehead dropping to the floor as he let himself be taken.

“What’s wrong, Jimin? If you wanted to please me, you should be able to crawl over here still, yes? Or does it feel too good?” He taunted, spreading his fingers apart.

Jimin’s eyes nearly rolled back as he felt it expand, growing thicker than it was before. Each thrust was a deliberate, hard jab that always got so close to his spot but never went deep enough to satisfy him. The ring around his cock was a reminder that he wouldn’t be feeling any release until Yoongi was satisfied, either.

“C’mon baby. Don’t you want your Hyung’s cock?” Yoongi teased, licking his own precum off of his fingers. Jimin nodded, slowly resuming his crawling. His mewls and moans filled the soundproofed room as he god closer and closer, body shuddering as he felt oh so close to orgasm.

It took two and a half minutes before Jimin reached Yoongi, panting as he rested his head on Yoongi’s leg, rocking his ass back against the shadow still fucking him. The man had came dry at least once and Yoongi smiled down at him, petting his head.

“Good boy, Jimin. You got enough energy to ride my cock?”

“Mmmnm.”

“Words, baby.”

“Y-Yes, Yoongi.”

Satisfied, Yoongi dispelled the shadow, chuckling when he heard Jimin whine in disapproval. He kissed his cheek and picked him up, seating Jimin in his lap as he held his cock up for him.

“C’mon baby. Show me how much you want this dick.” He ordered, slapping his ass. Jimin gasped and nodded, sinking down on Yoongi’s thick dick. His eyes nearly rolled back in pleasure as he felt himself being filled again. He leaned closer to Yoongi, pressing loving kisses to his face as he let his hips rise and fall.

Yoongi kissed and bit at his neck, hands on his hips as he growled sweet nothings into his ear, the wet sound of their fucking turning Hoseok on. He noticed the irony in the situation, with him and Yoongi switching places as he now watched the older man fuck their boyfriend.

Jimin was already sensitive from several other rounds, so Yoongi didn’t tease him for too long. He could feel the man already start to float away from the sheer amount of pleasure he’d gotten that night.

Pale arms wrapped around Jimin’s body and Yoongi took over, rocking hard and fast into him as the shadow around Jimin’s cock released. The older man kept him grounded as Jimin cried out, cumming hard against Yoongi’s stomach, nearly passing out from the stimulation. Yoongi kept him tight against his chest, cumming himself once he felt Jimin’s slick walls clench around him. The strong pulse of ecstasy from Jimin pushed Hoseok into another orgasm and all of them took a minute or two to collect themselves.

Yoongi could feel Jimin crying in his arms, still not quite down from the high of sex. He cooed gently, kissing him as he picked him up. Hoseok smiled tiredly and followed him, all three of them washing off by taking a bath.

Jimin was sat between Yoongi’s legs, sleepily nuzzling his chest as Hoseok sat behind him, washing his hair. Both men kissed him periodically, telling him how much of a good job he did and he was out like a light before he even knew it.

Hoseok and Yoongi exchanged a fond smile before they carried Jimin to bed.

-3 Nights Later-

Jimin squirmed as Namjoon’s hands ran over his back. The older man had offered to give the younger man a massage, and Jimin couldn’t turn down an opportunity to spend time with him.

Plus, if this was anything like the others, he knew where this was going.

“The others really did a number on you, hm? You’ve got hickies and bruises.” Namjoon hummed, looking at the bruises over Jimin’s hips and the slight discoloration of his ass from spanking. He’d noticed the circles littering Jimin’s neck and chest when he massaged his front.

None of them would admit it, but they all had little competitions to leave as many hickies as they could and with how adamant they all were to make sure Jimin never felt excluded again, he had a few more love bites than usual.

“It wasn’t anything I didn’t like. I really appreciate everyone.” Jimin muttered, groaning in relief when Namjoon started to work a particularly tense knot out of his lower back. He hummed in delight.

“I’m glad. We really are sorry we made you feel like that. I’ve been paying extra careful attention to the links, too. I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Namjoon told him, hands moving down to squeeze and knead at his ass.

Jimin blushed and bit his lip.

“I-I appreciate it.” He murmured, twitching when Namjoon pressed a kiss to his spine.

“I didn’t offer to give you a massage with the intent to fuck you, but feel free to tell me if that’s what you want.” He teased, fingers running closer to Jimin’s crack. He spread them for a moment before moving further down.

Jimin sighed shakily, feeling Namjoon’s breath on the back of his thighs. He felt bold today, so he lifted his ass, shaking slightly.

“Are you gonna deliver if it is what I want?” He inquired. Namjoon flashed him a dimpled smirk before he continued massaging the back of his thighs.

“You know I will. Just say so.”

“I want it.”

Immediately, those hands were off of his thighs and back on his ass, long fingers sliding between his cheeks to tease his asshole, chuckling when Jimin took it upon himself to spread his cheek apart, fully exposing his eager hole to the other man.

“We’ve really made you shameless, huh?” Namjoon chuckled, sliding two of his fingers into him. Jimin sighed and pressed his cheek to the pillow.

“Y-You can say that.” He murmured, his cock stirring to life as Namjoon pumped his fingers in and out, slowly scissoring them apart. Jimin didn’t need much prep since he had been so active recently, but Namjoon prefered to slowly pick his boyfriends apart before he fucked them. It was something that drove the more impatient ones mad, but they never complained seriously about his methods.

He pulled his fingers free when Jimin began rocking back, replacing them with his tongue, flicking deviously at his rim before he slid it right inside. Jimin’s fists tightened in the sheets as Namjoon’s tongue worked in and out of him. The ex-nurse raked his fingers down Jimin’s thighs lightly, humming when he felt the goosebumps rise up on his skin immediately afterwards.

Jimin’s small mewls turned into pants as minutes went by and Namjoon didn’t let up until Jimin was practically begging him to do more.

He gave his ass a playful slap as he sat up, tapping Jimin’s leg to get his attention as he unbuckled his pants.

“Turn around, baby. I want to watch your face.” He told him and Jimin blushed, hesitantly rolling onto his back. Namjoon looked down at him, his big hand wrapping around Jimin’s cock, giving him a few strokes as he lined his head up to his ass with his free hand.

“You ready?”

“Yes, Joon.” Jimin nodded, love and adoration shining in his eyes. Namjoon leaned down to kiss him, distracting him from the momentary discomfort from the initial penetration. Jimin gasped against his lips and Namjoon slid his tongue into his mouth, kissing him deeper.

Jimin realized Namjoon was letting him set the pace of the kiss as he slowly rocked into him and he teasingly nibbled his bottom lip, wrapping his arms around the older man’s neck. Namjoon chuckled arily and responded with a deep thrust before returning to his sensual pace.

When he broke the kiss, Jimin was panting. Namjoon kissed at his throat, and he waited for the familiar sting of a bite or nibble, but was instead met with more kisses as Namjoon made his way down until he flicked his tongue over one of his nipples. Jimin shuddered and Namjoon chuckled against the hardened bud, rolling the other one between his fingers as he relished every small gasp and moan that tumbled out of the smaller man.

“J-Joonie...Ahh please faster.”

Ah, there was the begging.

Namjoon would normally tease him for much longer, but instead, he pushed both of Jimin’s hands above his head, pinning them there as he increased his pace dramatically. The barista cried out in delight, arching his back as Namjoon fucked him. There were lips against his face, his cheeks, and even his chest and Jimin could feel he wouldn’t last as long as usual if this kept up this way.

“Look at you, baby, You’re so handsome when you fall apart for me. Look at me,” Namjoon nudged him, rolling his hips so the tip of his cock brushed against Jimin’s sweet spot with each thrust. Moaning louder and struggling to focus, Jimin looked up, finding Namjoon staring lovingly at him. The others were around him on the bed and in his lust-hazed mind, he couldn’t tell if they were actually there or visiting him through their connection.

“We love you baby. Don’t forget that.”

It didn’t matter which one said it. It could’ve been one of them, or all of them, but Jimin just closed his eyes. His voice cracked as he cried out, cumming with Namjoon. He felt the aftershocks of sex and trembled, pressing close to Namjoon when the larger man hugged him.

He rocked Jimin, kissing his head as he reached into their bedside table. They always kept tissues and wipes there for obvious reasons. Jimin shivered when Namjoon wiped the cum off his stomach and the cum from between his legs, smiling tiredly at their leader after he tossed it in the bedside trash can.

Namjoon pulled him in close, tucking Jimin’s head under his chin. Jimin happily hugged him back, the sound of Namjoon’s heartbeat being comforting. Namjoon rubbed soothing circles against his back, kissing the top of his head as he started to drift off.

“I love you guys.” Jimin murmured sleepily, eyes heavy. Namjoon chuckle and closed his eyes.

“And we love you, Jimin.” Namjoon responded, and the strong pulse of love and contentedness was something they all felt through their connections.

[dachi-chan25]

How do months in 2020 manage to last years and yet end in the blink of an eye???

Anyway I did finish my TBR so...

1 -The Vampire Armand (The Vampire Chronicles 5) by Anne Rice

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Sooo, this one was my least favorite the 1st time I read this series and I hoped to like it more since I wasn't finding Armand as annoying in the first 4 books but gosh I really feel Anne Rice doesn't have much love for characters that are not Lestat, cuz I feel Armand could have been intresting but the book lacks the passion and wit Anne adds everytime she writes Lestat so yeah it was pretty meh. I love the cover tho.

2.-Dead and Alive (Prodigal Son #3) - Dean R. Koontz

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I was plesantly surprised. I hadn't very high expectatives for this one cuz even though I enjoyed book 2 I thought the pacing was waaaaay too slow, the plot wasn't advancing much. But this one was super cool, it picked up inconcluse storylines from the 1st book and that CLIFFHANGER!!!! The romance between the detectives was meh, like I wish I had liked them both more but the Erikas have my heart and I want to see more of Deucalion.

3.- Wild Cards I - George R. R Martin

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I was so disappointed. Ok so the concept is pretty cool. Like an alien virus is set loose and it causes some people to have amazing superpowers and other people gets terrible mutations, What's not to like??? But oh my fucking god. The mysogyny of this book. I can usually read books with mysogyny like I enjoy classics like 1984 despite the rampant way in which the protagonist hates woman. I couldn't handle it here. The female characters have less dimension than a sheet of paper and they depend entirely on the male characters it ruined the whole thing for me, and the writing was mediocre at times (I mean I know this was written by multiple authors but at points the quality of the writing droped like super hard) I am not picking the next one.

4.-My Sister the Serial Killer - Oyinkan Braithwaite

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I just love horror stories where a pretty girl is the killer. Like they are so enjoyable. And this particular story is so good because we have this 2 sisters, they are very different, one is like the epítome of beauty and the other is an average woman. The pretty one literally can do no wrong in everyones eyes and that’s just fine cuz she just so happens to kill her boyfriends. Her sister who is a nurse helps her clean up and get rid of the bodies because at first she believes they were abusive towards her sister but then she starts to get suspicious and things are super cool and intresting. I feel it could have gone deeper with some stuff but it was a great and quick read.

5.- Moloka'i - Alan Brenett

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I cried so much. This book is about Rachel, a girl diagnosed with leprosy at 7 years old during the 1890's and is sent away to live at the leprosarium in Moloka'i, Hawaii. We follow Rachel as she makes friends and family and loses them all over again to the sickness as she grows older. This book was so beautiful and pretty diverse (I loved Leilani I had never seen trans representation in a 19th century book) full of history and humanity. An amazing read I fully recommend it.

6.- New Suns: Original speculative fiction by people of color - Nisi Shawl.

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I Loved it. One of my main problems with anthologies is that inevitably I find some stories better than other but that was not the case here, every story had an intresting premise and amazing writing (my fave was maybe the one with the lesbian mermaid or the one were a woman raised the death to get rid of colonizers) like I need to read more from all these authors ASAP.

7.- Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevski

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I love me some good classic. This one is really amazing , I love how much we get into Raskolinov's psyche and the things that lead him to comit the crime and the effect it has on him once he does. And all this conversation about morality and if it's ever valid to commit a crime even if it's for the "greater good" and all that good stuff about how people trapped in poverty are more likely to fall down the rabbit whole of prostitution and crime and yassssss it was good,

8.- A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess

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I struggled like I should have known they would use the slang like in the movie (but I watched the movie in Spanish) so I was just vibing in the first few pages of the book barely understanding shit, except those words in other lenguages and then I started to pick it up and the book is so good??? Like Alex is awfull but the book actually makes a compeling argument about free will and the concept of choosing between good or evil. In general terms the movie is super accurate tho and yeah I really enjoyed this read.

9.- The Winter of the Witch (Winternight #3) - Katherine Arden

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I LOVED it. This book absolutely messed me up. Like I suffered a lot for my girl Vasya. And then all the stuff with the Bear and Morozco and the war, ahhhhh it was a LOT, but the ending was pretty satisfying, I cried tons and I am hoping we get another saga maybe following Marya this time????? I will just read anything Katherine Arden writes tbh.

10.-Lifestyles of Gods and Monsters - Emily Roberson

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It was ok??? I wished it had been more about the sisters together as opposed to make Ariadne "not like the other girls" I am sick of that trope, and the "beautiful but doesn't know it" and less about the romance. Like the premise of retelling this greek myth as a reality show actually picked my interest but the execution wasn't that great it had lots of clichés I hate and mentioned before, what I kinda liked was that even though Ariadne had a romance she decides to start over by herself when things kinda fall apart and she is maybe open to dating another dude at the end, which honestly was a relief for me cuz I feel a lot of time YA pushes this idea that your first love is the only love you'll ever feel and that’s dumb .

11.-The Glass Menagerie - Tennessee Williams

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I really love this play, well Tennessee Williams plays in general, and aire felt like re reading this one. I love Laura so much and it was a pleasure to read this again.

12.-In the Miso soup - Ryu Murakami

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This is a very gorey book. Lots of graphic murders and violence, mentions of the sex trade in Japan. This was a very intresting read, lots of insight into the japanese society and how this very cliché image people have of it is completely wrong. Again sex trade is heavily discused as our protagonist makes a living out of taking foreigners to experience the sex clubs in Tokyo he meets this sketchy american guy who hires him, our protagonist has a feeling he might be a murderer and it goes from there. I really enjoyed it a lot and might consider reading another book by Ryu Murakami.

13.- The Downstairs Girl - Stacey Lee

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It was amazing to read about an asian girl in the post-civil war era, and how this minority kind of lived in a limbo cuz white people didn't think much about them when making up all this crap ass rules about where PoC where supposed to live in or sit. And our protagonist Jo, is really a charming girl with a lot of opinions and so passionate I loved her so much. It was a bit cheesy at times, and I saw the book's big reveal coming but still it was a pretty good read.

14.-En el bosque bajo los cerezos en flor - Ango Sakaguchi

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Me gustaron mucho las historias, todas realmente te meten a una atmósfera japonesa: las imágenes como las flores de cerezo, los kimonos, templos, budas. Y las mezclan con un terror por lo desconocido y lo no visto que encaja tan bien en cada una de las historias. Realmente lo disfrute muchísimo y me gustaría leer más trabajos de este autor.

15.- Agamemnon - Aeschylus

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I am weak for the greek plays. And this rocks so much. Chlymenestra is a queen, I stan her so hard. This play always makes me feel so bad for Cassandra, like how shitty is it to have the power to make super accurate predictions but no one ever believes you???

[neshabeingchildish]

Share Some Feeling

I am not sure who’s reading this still. I know I’m stepping into long story territory with this one and I hope to be able to cut it off soon, as I’ve estimated that this is around where readers just fall off completely from a story and I don’t want to drag too much longer than the demand. But, if you’re still reading, I hope you’re enjoying it and I thank you for letting me go on this long with this.

Share-a-Lair 12

Max wanted to wait. He had been pretty clear about that much, though Charlotte wasn’t entirely sure that she understood his reasoning - she definitely knew that she had to respect his wishes. He wasn’t that smooth when it came to the ladies. He used to just throw himself right into hitting on them, but as he got older (and realized how corny he could be), that wasn’t an easy thing to allow himself to do. Plus, with his career, it was hard to focus on serious relationships, likewise, he wasn’t the type to try to have casual encounters very much. He was a romantic. He was the monogamous type. He aspired to have a family as big and as close as the one that he came from, and he realized that Charlotte might not want those things. In fact, he was almost certain that she did not… But, he also wanted to be with her for as long as he could. There was just something special about her. He knew it from the moment that he met her, even though he didn’t think that they would ever actually hit it off the way that they had. They seemed too different, to him, despite their similarities. 

Before they ever started seeing each other, she had made some comments that gave him cause to worry a little bit, and for Max, worrying a little bit almost always snowballed. For instance, they’d been discussing grades in school and she mentioned Henry being a C-D student. Max was nonchalant about it. He, too, had been a C-D student, sometimes F, if he was particularly not giving one. Well, the judgement in her face was enough to make him feel like he had to explain himself, “I just didn’t really care about the grades, because I knew that I was smart enough to make anything work out for me and it’s not like I would’ve needed a certain GPA to be a supervillain… or a superhero. I’ve got superpowers and a high IQ. No public education or piece of paper was gonna make me any more valid when I became an adult.” 

Her face didn’t really change, but she did wonder, “So, you’d be fine with your kids not pushing themselves to be the best wherever they were?”

“I wouldn’t push them to be anything that they didn’t feel like they were,” he said. “Kids need support in their identities, not societal coercion.”

“Okay,” she said, dismissively and ended the subject, but he couldn’t help but shake that he had just confessed to being fine with being mediocre to somebody who was very much focused on being and having the best.

Another example - Oyster casually mentioning how Max used to “really give it to those nerds” when they were in school. Max shook his head vigorously, but Oyster thought he was being bashful and proceeded to tell stories that Charlotte looked extremely put off to hear about, even though she said that she would expect stuff like that from somebody who was trying to be a bad boy. “I guess I just would have expected that someone trying to be the big bad would target big bads. I mean.. People that you consider nerds or dorks or whatever, they already have to be measured as socially inferior, but you felt the need to make them feel even worse and humiliate them. It’s definitely villainous. Thank God we didn’t go to school together. I was the nerdiest nerd in our class.” She seemed offended. 

“I never would’ve done anything like that to you,” he said.

“Oh, good to know you consider me one of the good ones.” He didn’t want to say anything else for fear of making it worse. After that, she would casually make comments and jokes about his past as a “nerd terrorist.” SO… Max wasn’t positive that they would last, no matter how much he wanted them to.

His first girlfriend had broken up with him extremely suddenly, to him, and they hadn’t been exactly a fitting match either. He loved her, they were great together a lot of the time, and they had a good time… but, she eventually realized that he just wasn’t the one for him. It was the most painful heartache he had ever had at the time. It wasn’t something he wanted to necessarily repeat, therefore he was generally guarded with his emotions and careful with his choices. Charlotte made that hard for him. 

The more time he spent around her, the more he wanted to dive in, with zero abandon. By the time they kissed, he knew that he was doomed. He was relieved that she didn’t want to be with him, at the time. It was bittersweet, because he knew he was hers. That he’d be hers even if she hadn’t eventually come around. When she did start to come around… he tried to reprogram himself.Just because they were different in a lot of ways didn’t mean that they wouldn’t last or that she would grow tired of him or decide that he wasn’t worth a long term commitment. She made that hard too. She was so aloof about certain things that he’d think she would be reserved about - like her comfort with the guys. She’d mentioned sleeping in the bed with them, mentioned walking around indecent, and well… while that was normal enough - sometimes you just had that with those you worked with, like a locker room comfort. But… he didn’t have any female friends that he felt that comfortable with, so he didn’t really understand it. He also didn’t want to judge her or come across as insecure. So, he was really just trying to bide his time to get over it, with regards to that portion of her lifestyle.

But, one of his biggest secret concerns was her interest in his superpowers. It sometimes came across as a little bit fetishizing. Now… He definitely wanted her to want him and he didn’t necessarily have a problem with her being drawn to his powers. They were an amazing part of him. But, he also didn’t want that to be the sole reason that she was so attracted to him. He wanted it to just be part of the package that she got with him, and he wanted to be sure about that.

So, while he was still mulling over the idea of them and their future together, as well as continually getting to know her as his partner, he chose to wait to take it further physically.

Charlotte, on the other hand was feeling a little bit rejected about it. She was a confident woman. She didn’t make decisions lightly, but when she made decisions, she always knew that she had made the best one for who she was at the time of the decision. She had decided to be with Max. She knew what she wanted, and he was one of those desires. He was a very well thought out goal and she was secure in herself for making the choice. But, whenever he would hold back or stop her from handling up on some pants party business, she couldn’t help but wonder what his issue was with being with her. They were very open, but she always felt like he was kind of secretive about this thing. “I just don’t feel like we’ve reached that point, yet,” he told her and when she asked what would make him feel like they have, he only said, “More time and consideration.” So.. she read that as him not wanting her like that. It was oddly infuriating, but she knew that she had no right to be mad, and she didn’t want to be mad. But… why didn’t he want her though? He spent so long wanting to be with her and now, she was all in and he was… restrained.

She had decided to stop going out, stop meeting men, stop kicking it with the men that she knew a little better than casually, whenever she realized that she was interested in Max. While she wasn’t necessarily a trollop, she could definitely identify as a minx, sometimes.

She and her ex broke up a little bit before Henry applied to Share-a-Lair. They had been together for almost 5 years, the first couple long distance, the next couple on and off, and in that last year that they were together, he became a little restless. He didn’t understand why she wouldn’t come on tour with him (he was an international music superstar). He didn’t understand why she didn’t seem to want to be with him more, because high school was over, she was almost done with college, and she didn’t have any prospects for work or anything. He just wanted her to spend more time with him and for them to experience more of his fortunate life and extravagant lifestyle with him than just summers and sometimes breaks…

So, Charlotte made the mature decision to set him free and remain friends. They… talked a lot less, but she would see him living what seemed like his best life without her. It was bittersweet. Every now and then , he’d text something amazing and tell her, “Wish you were here. This would be perfect with you.” He was absolute wonderful, but she knew that a lot of his time had already been spent on her and now that he was a fully grown man; she couldn’t ask him to standby and wait. She might never be ready and the world was his oyster. She bowed out, threw herself into Henry/work, and began to see other men, casually on her weekends and such. 

However, from the first time that Max said that she was cute, she didn’t realize it at the time, but she stopped going out as much. If a guy that she’d spent time with hit her up with the WYD, she’d either decline from seeing them, or not even remember to reply. Max was into her system before she really acknowledged it.

One time, Max commented, “You know that Jack Swagger is coming through here for a tour - do you wanna try to get tickets?” Charlotte tilted her head in confusion. They hadn’t discussed this, so she was unsure if this was his way of fishing for information. He noticed her hesitation and said, “Jasper makes comments calling him “ya boy,” so I presumed that you were a fan, but now I’m guessing that he’s being ironic when he does that?” Now, she sighed and laughed a little.

“No. I am a fan. It’s just that Jack and I used to hang out, so I didn’t know if you knew that and were being facetious, or worse… weird about it.”

“Why would I be weird about… WAIT - You and Jack Swagger used to hang out? When?”

“Like… before he got famous, and for a while afterwards. We really only stopped in the last maybe year and a half.”

“I once hung out with Cheyenne briefly. I mean… that’s an exaggeration. I scammed to get close to her and got busted,” he laughed. “So, are you still on good terms with him? Because, truth be told, his ticket prices are outrageous.”

She laughed too now and said, “As it stands, I don’t have to pay for tickets to his shows, but I don’t know if I’d bring another man. That might get us into an uncomfortable area.” Max was confused. Damn, did Jack Swagger have a crush on her too? She expounded, “I was supposed to take a gap year after high school and go on his European tour with him, but after planning to for a while, I backed out and told him that I just couldn’t. I think that was the beginning of the end, to be honest. But… he did let me design all his wardrobe for it, so in a way it was like he took a piece of me with him, and now, I get to charge people CRAZY prices to slash and alter jeans every now and then whenever I need some side cash.” She laughed and said, “I actually paid for my car by designing a dress for Cheyenne, so small world.”

Max was frozen in the same weird smile that he’d had for a while. It was like he was in shock, but then realized something, and then he looked like he was hit in the gut. “So… You used to hang out with Jack Swagger,” he said. It was emotionless, but he looked bothered.

“I’m sure you’ve hung out with plenty of women before you met me.”

“I wouldn’t say plenty, and I certainly wasn’t ‘take a gap year to travel the world with them’ hanging out. When I hung out with someone, it was mostly just that.” He sat down. “How long were you together?” He shook his head, “Nevermind. It’s your past. It’s none of my business. Then again - you still get free tickets, but it would be uncomfortable if you brought your boyfriend…”

“I wouldn’t bring you there on a free ticket. I’d pay for it!” She said.

“Yeah, but...Does he still love you?” 

“We’re still friends.” She didn’t say no. “We’ll most likely always be friends, unlike the guys that I saw in between then and now. So… please, don’t make this an issue.”

He smiled. She could tell he was still bothered, “I won’t.” And he didn’t. But, it was still on his mind and made him even less secure about them physically. Jack Swagger… That dude had to have been able to land any woman in the world and if he was still hung up on her, like… what made him that way? Could he even satisfy her? 

So, Charlotte simply moved at his pace - which was almost not moving at all. He was definitely affectionate. He loved snuggling with her and he could kiss her for hours without regret, if she’d let him. But, when she decided to press forward and see how far he would allow her to move forward. He usually didn’t stop her, but she could tell when she was making him uncomfortable and she would stop herself. Affirmative consent mattered and his last communication was that he wanted to wait. After a while, she gave up. Her shoulders slumped and her sigh was harder than she meant. “Are you okay?” He wondered.

She nodded her head, but said, “I think I ought to go home tonight.”

“Tonight? We have plans tomorrow.”

“I’ll be back tomorrow. I just think I should sleep in my own bed tonight.”

His eyes dropped and looked off to the side. They were silent a moment, then she started to get up. “Charlotte... I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said. She meant that. He had no reason to be sorry, just like she had no right to be upset.

“I didn’t tell you that we had to stop. I just... wasn’t sure what to do next. I don’t know what my limits are. I didn’t mean to clam up like that.”

“You don’t have to explain anything, Max. I’m not entitled to your body or your physical attraction.” She looked like she was far from okay. She looked super hurt and now, he was upset with himself. 

“You think that I’m not attracted to you?” He wondered. 

She shrugged her shoulders, “You see something in me, but I really don’t feel like getting into this. I’m gonna go home, handle this and go to sleep.” She looked like she might cry, but she wasn’t going to. Hell no. Not in front of him, and not about something so... she wanted to consider it superficial, but she couldn’t. Not with how she felt.

“You’re the most attractive person that I have ever seen. That’s not what my problem is...”

“Then what is it, Dude? Why don’t you want me?” She silently cussed at herself. She didn’t mean to ask that or to use that tone. 

“I do want you. So, so bad. I just... Don’t really know if I can be what you want, and I guess that I wanted to stay super in your mind for a little bit longer. But, if it’s making you feel like this...”

“The last thing anybody wants is to feel like you feel obligated.” They were both silent again. She sighed and sat back down. “I don’t want you to feel pressured by me. I just don’t understand why you’re so reluctant to share yourself with me, but you don’t owe me that.” 

“Did you hear what I said?” He asked. “I’m trying to tell you that I’ve never done this before. But, I shouldn’t let that stop me. I shouldn’t make you feel bad because I’m scared to fail you…” He threw his head back. “I didn’t mean to make you feel rejected. I’ve wanted you since I first met you, and I still want you. Of course I do. How could I not? But, you’re like… super hot and I’ve realized that you’ve probably got expectations and desires that I’m not gonna be able to just meet. I hate things that I don’t know that I’m good at. This Is too important.”

She stared at him, “Wait. So… you’ve never hung out with anybody and now you think that you’re gonna let me down?” He didn’t want to agree to that, specifically. Luckily, she moved on, with a smile, “You… do know that I could just tell you what I like, and you could tell me what you’re interested in trying, right? I mean.. You know that everybody, including me, generally had to figure out from experience what works for us.”

“Yeah, but you’ve figured it out and I’ve barely explored it. And I’m older than you. It's a little bit…”

“Unexpected, sure,” she said cutting off whatever self deprecating  description he might be thinking. “Max, I don’t think that anybody would ever expect somebody as good looking and well made as you to have waited. But, also, that makes me feel so much better than thinking that it’s just me you’re holding back with. It’s cool. Thank you for telling me. I understand now and I don’t feel so disappointed. There are other things that can be done while I wait, but that uncertainty was what was really messing with me.” 

“Will you stay tonight?” He asked, gently.

“Yeah.”

“I think I’m ready for... more...”

She studied him a moment, to ascertain if he was just saying that or not. He seemed genuine. Maybe. She would simply try to see how far he would let her go without discomfort and this time, she wouldn’t have to wrestle any feelings of doubt if he hesitated. She would always stop, but now she would know exactly why she had to.

.

A/N: In this particular story/chapter, there’s a few things in Max’s personality/lifestyle that some of you may be wondering why I decided on them. What I’m talking about is his sexual history, or lack thereof. The reason that I decided to go this way with Max’s sexuality/experience is actually derived from a few small things that I picked up from watching The Thundermans. 

Max’s pickup lines were not the ones of someone who knows how to play the field. I know for a fact that even with his looks, if some dude said some of that mess to me out in the real world, I’m clowning him, and I want to dare to hope that y’all would at least not dignify his methods with interest in him. So, I’m voting on he can’t really get casual encounters with women in his “league,” generally.

But, I am betting that he wouldn’t be very interested in casual encounters either. We saw him have a few hard crushes before his canon girlfriend, and usually the case was that he somehow got a date with these girls, but was bending over backwards to impress them (serving me desperation teas, but also showing me that in his youth, he was willing to work hard for a girl he liked, even when he wasn’t going to be with her for a while), and that kind of “give it my all” mentality is usually for the folk who want a relationship to have some endurance.

Even villain Max, when he had the first crush we see him having - he envisions a woman at his side in his dominion, as his partner, ruling with him. He doesn’t seem to want to use his power to acquire a lot of girls, and his shyness around a few of the girls he’s liked makes me think that he would be awkward with a woman that he doesn’t fully know and trust with himself.

His nightmare about Allison kissing another dude in a play then deciding to marry him indicates to me that he mentally has a strong connection between physical exchange and commitment. That his brain would jump from a kiss to getting married tells us more about how he thinks about relationships than his fear in that episode.

Allison kissed him first. I know, he was young and that was his first girlfriend, but I think it also shows that within his personality, while kissing was something he obviously enjoyed, because he was engaged as soon as it happened, it wasn’t something he went after.

In short, in my opinion, Max Thunderman is a physically conservative man who reserves sexual intimacy for meaningful relationships and that he also seeks out genuine partnership for those purposes. Even though he wanted to be in a band to get girls, I think he wanted the attention of girls, but ultimately that he just wants to be able to have and to hold one really special woman and to hold on to her for a long time.

If it’s a reach, it’s a reach, but that was my reasoning for his style in this chapter.

[thoughtsthatgounnoticed]

Unpopular Opinion but...

I really hope Dark Phoenix does well. I personally enjoyed DOFP, but Apocalypse left me high and dry. Really wanted this younger cast to be given an opportunity, and unfortunately Apocalypse failed to appropriately balance the older and newer cast, and lacked in showcasing an exciting story. I know everyone and their mother is hyped for Disney/MCU to get their greedy hands all over almost every superhero franchise, but, I actually liked the idea of having a diverse range of movies in the superhero genre. We had the DC on one end and the MCU on another. I think the X-Men franchise has thus far, nicely fitted in the middle - exploring mature and deeper themes of acceptance, while not overly feeling darker stylistically. Let’s not pretend that everything the MCU touches turn into gold. Despite its gargantuan dominance over the superhero market for the last decade, the MCU has produced some overhyped movies that mysteriously get a lot more praise than it deserves... In a few years time, we’ll get an over-saturation of the same quippy, inconsequential (not including CA: WS, Black Panther, and hopefully Captain Marvel) superhero movie... and, I’m just not up for that. I’ve been an MCU fan for a while now, enjoyed it much more than what the DC has served, but they’re getting so much praise for, at times, half-assed and mediocre movies. 

This is what happens when the genre lacks competition tbh. Everybody slows down, no challengers are put forward. At least DC posed interesting questions like “What happens to society when we elevate heroes to a god-like status like Superman?”, “Do we need a Superman or can humanity push forward through the sheer power of its people beyond superpowered beings?” and “How do we consolidate the issue of saving lives with consequences of collateral damage?” in the aftermath of MoS and in BvS. It just wasn’t executed properly. I think the MCU did a wonderful job in asking these questions in CA:WS - “This isn’t freedom, this is fear”. But I personally think, failed in doing so in CA:CW. I mean the accords issue is a whole different think to unpack, I certainly have my opinions on it, but the original question posed in the beginning - “How do we address the issue of heroes being above the law?” and “How do we address the issue of civilian casualties caught between hero/villains?” left extremely unanswered in favour of a perceived ‘happy ending’ for the ‘good’ side (albeit having to be on the run). I expected political intrigue and moral deliberations, but only got “no one won, but the movie was clearly leaning towards a particular side” and I was on Team Cap. I mean, IRL, I’d like to think no one is above the law. Even superheroes are flawed humans. Would we really trust a Superhero organisation based in the US running sovereign over all our affairs without any checks and a balances? All they needed to do was reassure the public that there are consequences and they can answer for it. And to the question of - “What if signing the accords meant the heroes would be dictated upon who they can and cannot save?”, well, they’re superpowered entities, surely corrupt or shady govt authorities can’t physically stop the Avengers from saving someone? Anyways, I’m going on a tangent here. The movie ultimately failed to take risks, and honestly, even if Fox hasn’t done its best job, I’m not sure the MCU’s quippy, bright, all-ages take on the question of mutants and their acceptance in the world can offer anything deeper and I’m bitter that before they can even take flight, most of Dark Phoenix’s young cast will be replaced. 

I’m not a hater and have enjoyed being part of the fandom for a while now. I just like being critical about the genre at times. I’m always open to hear different opinions and input.

RANT OVER!

[thebachelordiaries]

Jocks And Finance Bros: Bachelorette First Impressions

Becca, I hope you like jocks and finance bros. 

If not, you’re shit out of luck.

Becca dates one athlete and they beat that one dating preference of her’s to death by casting 18 or so former athletes. Kind of like how they beat “Let’s Do The Damn Thing” tagline to death.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am.

A letter to the men on this season of The Bachelorette:

Do you think you deserve this goddess of a woman, Becca Kufrin? You probably don’t. You probably think too highly of yourself to know this.

Maybe two of you will be good enough for her. Five of you may turn out to be decent people, but that’s me being generous. If it’s anything like JoJo’s season, we will have just one or two decent men. ABC producers, please don’t let me down. Oh wait, you already did with the super-short bios. 

This season we have 25 28 men vying for Becca’s heart, or at least a blue checkmark on their Instagram page. At least one of you will get fake engaged on Paradise and six of you will move from middle-of-nowhere USA to Los Angeles and move back home within a year. I’m not sure which guys will do that yet, but it’s always fun to guess!

Anyway, good luck with your 15 minutes of fame!

Signed,

The Bachelor Diaries.

WTF: No Q&A?

ABC did not include the usual Q&A in this year’s cast bios. I’m so offended. How will I truly understand these men if I don’t know what kind of fruit they’d be or what kind of superpower they’d want?

I would boycott this season because of this, but I have literally nothing better to do on Monday nights, or any night for that matter. I’m still going to try my best to roast these men, of course. It shouldn’t be that hard.

Despite no Q&A’s, I will still form my own opinions on these guys. I, like Kanye West, am a free thinker. Go poopidy-scoop yourself, ABC.

Ok, now let’s get to know these men:

Alex, 31, Construction Manager

Alex is the male equivalent of the basic white girl. He likes country music, his dog, the beach and skiing. He probably has “Let’s go on a hike together!” on his Bumble profile and regularly wears a Patagonia dad hat.

Blake, 28, Sales Rep

We already met horse boy Blake on After The Final Rose. He either played baseball or football in college. Thanks for being so concise, ABC. However, he looks like a baseball player to me. While originally from a small town in Colorado, he definitley lives in LA now. He also believes “two people need to be independent in order to truly love each other” so I think that means he’s into open relationships and or will cheat on you.

Chase, 27, Advertising VP

Chase, unlike Blake, was definitley a college baseball player who was apparently good enough to be in the College Wold Series but evidently not good enough to go pro— at least longterm. We also met Chase on ATFR and I don’t remember much about him. He likes “adventure” and the “outdoors” so he’s quite the special snowflake.

Chris, 30, Sales Trainer

What even is a sales trainer? Chris hopes to retire by 40. In this economy? Good luck with that. He is passionate about “fitness” and “health” which is so unique and different. I feel like I really got to know him through that piece of information.

Christian, 28, Banker

Christian is a former semi-pro soccer player who moved to the US from Mexico when he was three. I feel like his picture makes him look like he has a little head, but other than that he seems alright.

Christon, 31, Former Harlem Globetrotter/ Professional Dunker

I spent a good 30 seconds wondering why two guys with the same name didn’t have their last name initials included in their bios. It took another 30 seconds to notice that Christon was spelled differently than Christian. So this dude is a professional dunker in LA. My first thought is that he’d have a pretty good intro video package for The Bachelorette. Anyone want to put money down that he gets one?

Clay, 30, Pro Football Player

Clay was on his way to the poetry slam but somehow got lost and ended up on the Bachelorette. He allegedly doesn’t curse but is a fan of hip-hop music. I think he is the “famous” football player who was in talks to be on this season. Apparently I should care. Never heard of him. 

Colton, 26, Former Pro Football Player

“Hi, my name is Colt and welcome to my Youtube Channel!” That’s the vibe I’m getting from this picture. I’m also getting Blake Griffin vibes. He just looks strangely tan here. Colton may have a job at the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I’m curious to know if he has a story as to WHY he is involved with CF. He also lives in Denver and has a dog named Sniper, which is awkward because the neighboring city of Boulder just banned assault weapons.

EDIT: He was the guy who asked out Aly Raisman via public video and they briefly dated. I shipped them so hard. I AM SHOOKETH.

Connor, 25, Fitness Coach

I feel like I’m going to be sick if I hear one more guy talk about how they were “almost” a professional athlete and how much they lo0o0o0ove working out. I’m sadly only at the beginning of this cast list. Someone pray for me. And someone pray that Connor’s eyebrows grow back after that terrible wax job.

Darius, 26, Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

Darius works for big pharma yet claims to be dedicating his life to helping others. Err, okay. He likes to dance and travels a lot so my guess is he’s probably not ready to settle down at age 26 despite his 36-year-old hairline.

David, 25, Venture Capitalist

David looks like every finance bro who lives in West Village and only dates 22-year-old Instagram models. The only difference is that he lives in Denver instead of Manhattan, which by society’s standards makes him more wholesome. He also loves guacamole, but dislikes avocado, which roughly translates to: I don’t cook and eat Chipotle for dinner every night.

Grant, 27, Electrician

The only way Grant is making it past night one is if he shows up fully dressed as a member of the Village People or as Bob The Builder. If not, he has no chance.

Garrett, 29, Medical Sales Rep

Pro tip to ABC: The letter A comes before the letter R in the alphabet. These names are out of order. 

Anyway, Garret reminds me of Ben Afleck in that his face just makes me want to punch him..in the face. Besides the fact that he also works for big pharma, he actually has outdoor hobbies besides “I enjoy fresh air and walking in the woods” like fly fishing and showshoeing. I’m hoping he isn’t a giant jerk because I kind of like him.

Jake, 29, Marketing Consultant

I thought his name was “Joke” at first because I am a terrible person. I think Joke...I mean Jake...is from the same city as Becca. (I’m assuming Minnesota only has one city) I feel like all hot people in cities have this inner-circle where they know of each other, so maybe they’ve crossed paths before.

Jason, 29, Sr. Corporate Banker

Andrew Keegan? I love your work. “Jason” likes sports and singing along to Disney movies. He contains multitudes. 

Jean Blanc, 31, Colognoisseur

I love that ABC took a smart, educated, immigrant with a successful job and gave him a fake occupation on television. Jean Blanc is a cologne connoisseur. I feel like he would smell good. 10/10 would smell him.

Joe, 31, Grocery Store Owner

I feel like a lot of these bios are the equivalent to what it’s like to drive in an Uber. The driver is always explaining to you how successful they are and where they traveled as a way to prove they aren’t some loser driving you around. Joe’s bio screams “Yeah I own a grocery store but also worked in finance before I burnt myself out, so don’t judge me.” Nobody was judging you, but now I am.

John, 28, Software Engineer

John hopes to be the first Asian male to make it out of night one on The Bachelorette. I can already tell he’s better than most of these guys: he works at a start-up in Silicon Valley, likes wine, plays guitar and bakes banana bread. He deserves a rose, dammit!

Jordan, 26, Male Model

Robert Mills, who is like an important ABC guy or something, called Jordan the “greatest Bachelorette contestant of all time.” Clearly he’s trying to make us forget about Chad. Good luck with that, Robert. Definitley not happening.

So Jordan is probably this season’s villain. Whatever, I don’t care. I DO care, however, that his bio is bragging about a mediocre 4:24 mile time and “sprinting to the finish line.” The time was written as “4.24″ by ABC and a comma is also missing from that sentence. ABC, let me know if you want to hire me as an editor. Back to the mile comment: A mile is an endurance mid-distance race. Nobody is technically sprinting in it, unless it’s a tactical race. Puns don’t work if they’re factually incorrect. 

Kamil, 30, Social Media Participant

Kamil works in real estate and is a part-time model, but ABC decided to call him a “social media participant.” He’s originally from Poland but lives in Upstate New York, which is evident based on the fact he’s wearing a denim button-up shirt.

Leo, 31, Stuntman

It’s crazy how fast Alex Bordy grew his hair in a year. “Not Alex Bordy” is a stuntman in LA, which I heard is a pretty sick job. I am personally a fan of his hair. He knows how to tame those curls and probably rocks a great man bun. I would love to know what products he uses.

Lincoln, 26, Account Executive

Lincoln has a lot of things going on in his bio. He moved to Boston from Nigeria as a teenager, went to college in Kentucky and moved to Santa Monica for work. We met him on ATFR and he was super nervous, cute and had an accent to make most girls swoon. I’d say make him The Bachelor but 26 is too young in my opinion.

Mike, 27, Sports Analyst

How come every Ohio sports fan names their dog Riggins? Based on his hair, I’m assuming Mike is a radio sports analyst. That hair on television? No thank you. Hopefully Leo can give him some tips to make his hair look decent. Did you know: Becca’s psycho ex Ross used to have long hair? It was not cute. But I don’t think Becca is going to send the long-haired guys home immediately a la the notoriously shallow Andi Dorfman.

Nick, 27, Attorney

I’m excited for Nick to be on the show because I know him by association. Let me explain: A friend of mine went to school with one of his friends and periodically stalks her social media. The friend is a girl, so I think he’s friends with mostly girls, which may explain why he loves to “brunch.” He looks terrible in this photo. Nick gives me polished, sexually ambiguous vibes based on how he appears on Insta. I also knew he was going to be on the show before R*ality St*ve, which made me feel powerful. It was a rush.

Rickey, 27, IT Consultant

I know of Rickey too. He was a Bodybuilding.com Spokesmodel Search finalist in 2017. Hashtag #rightreasons. I’m not sure how “online personal trainer” translates to IT consultant, but ok. Side note: I don’t think bodybuilders look good in suits so he might go home night one. 

Ryan, 26, Banjoist

Before the “Yanny or Laurel” debate there was the “Ryan or Brian” debate on After The Final Rose. Evidently the answer is Ryan. He’s the new Wells and I could not be more excited to watch this babe on my television screen. He plays at least four instruments and loves to sail. He also screams “family money” but it’s ok, we can mooch off his parents together.

Trent, 28, Realtor

Can you imagine having a child and naming it Trent? This guy never had a chance. He is a realtor and a part-time model (I swear I wrote the same thing a few contestants up) and has appeared on covers of romance novels, but I certainly wouldn’t call him the next Fabio.

Wills, 29, Graphic Designer

Wills is a graphic designer who loves Harry Potter. I see no problem here. Except for maybe his porno-stache.

Prediction corner: 

Welcome to the prediction corner where I never get anything right. Oh, you know what happens because you read spoilers? Please keep that information to yourself. I like to find out what happens on my own.

Without further ado, here are my baseless predictions:

First Impression Rose: The guys who got the First Impression Rose on the last three seasons became engaged to The Bachelorette. If that happens this year I demand a scientific case study to explain the power of first impressions on women. Anyway, I think Ryan gets it.

Season Villain: Jordan (that was easy)

Next Bachelor: Blake (don’t ask me why)

Winner: Garrett (I like him)

Comment below to let me know your early favorites!

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2018: Lightning round

I didn’t get around to full writeups this season, but here’s the condensed version. It’s a weak season (the weakest in years) with very few surprises anyway.

3D Kanojo Real Girl

What: Otaku loser lucks into girlfriend.

+ Loser is actually a loser, and how

+ Heart seems to be in the right place

- Writing is clunky

- - some of the most amateurish production values this side of Clione no Akari and I don’t think this is made by one guy

Verdict: no

Akkun to Kanojo

What: Short. A guy is rude to his naively cute girlfriend and then stalks her.

- - Creepy, unfunny and dumb

Verdict: naw

Amanchu! Advance

What: Sequel. Ostentatious anime characters enjoy chilling on the beach.

+ Actually chill most of the time

+ looks and sounds good

+ somehow even more gay than before

- - @_@

- - 8D

Verdict: I watched the first season and enjoyed it more than not, so I might as well.

Alice or Alice

What: Short. Siscon 4koma comedy with a lot of fanservice.

- - Creepier, unfunnier and dumber

Verdict: hell naw

Butlers: Chitose Momotose Monogatari

What: Best I can say is that it’s an otome instaharem of shounen fightmen invading Marimite.

+ makes so little sense it’s sometimes funny

- makes so little sense it’s mostly just baffling

- little chance to become legit

Verdict: nope

Caligula

What: What indeed. Virtual idols overwrite reality, a Persona clone ensues.

+ Denpa stuff is actually disorientating and creepy

+ Makes somehow even less sense than Butlers and in a more funny way to boot.

- Still a bunch of nonsense that will probably not pay off in the long run

- - Protagonist spends the first episode being a Sagrada Reset-class blahmancer.

Verdict: 3 ep rule since it’s still a better Persona than the actual Persona and the dude has little time to do stoner philosophy once shit hits the fan

Comic Girls

What: Hidamari Sketch without the charm, a basic comedic Kiraralike where the joke is that the girls embody manga genres.

+ High production values, pleasant to look at

- Typical Kiraralike cast with little personality besides the blindingly obvious

- - Full of jokes that get old before the setup even starts

Verdict: Not worth it

Cutie Honey Universe

What: Ancient proto-mahou shoujo series by Go Nagai gets its fourth or so anime adaptation.

+ Some choice sakuga cuts

+ Generous helpings of Go Nagai sleaze at its finest

- Design is a weird mishmash of current and 70s

- Does not even attempt to explain anything about the show

Verdict: Mainly aimed at existing fans, of which I am not one. If it turns out to be a classic I’ll hear about it

Devils Line

What: Some Tokyo Ghoul-ish thing about the vampyr police. 

+ Probably not half a dumbass fighting shounen

+ nothing too offensive

- nothing particularly interesting either

- looks are completely bland

Verdict: I have already forgotten everything about this

Dorei-ku The Animation

What: Magical devices gives people mind control powers. Everyone’s an asshole.

+ Some actually good character writing

- Trying to be Kakegurui and failing, just too tame for its outrageous conceit

Verdict: Has potential but doesn’t appear to take advantage of it

Full Metal Panic! Invisible Victory

What: Sequel to FMP and it’s still FMP.

+ More serious than basic FMP

- FMP is inherently too silly to attempt seriousness

Verdict: Fumoffu is the only acceptable FMP

Fumikiri Jikan

What: Short about couples(?) at a railroad crossing

+ Reminds me of Tsuredure Children

+ Seems a bit more clever than the usual comedy short

Verdict: At 3m/week, why not

Gegege no Kitarou

What: Truly prehistoric spoopy manga for children about kids who fight youkai.

+ Actually a little spooky

+ Nekomusume

+ Unapologetically for children, but with oldschool charm

+ Does a good job of modernizing the subject matter

Verdict: Pretty good, I’m in

Golden Kamuy

What: Taciturn Ainu girl and tough guy hang around in frozen 1900s Hokkaido to nab some gold.

+ at least sounds like it could have potential

- Does a good job of making its unique setting seem not particularly interesting

- not as bad looking as incensed manga fans allege, but certainly not a feast for the eyes

- okay, that CG bear tho

- - I’m not feeling much character chemistry, which is an absolute killer for this specific setup

Verdict: Probably not

Gurazeni

What: Mediocre baseball pro plans his retirement money

+ not actually about baseball much

- - actually about baseball finances, which is even less interesting

Verdict: Weird but not in a good way

Hinamatsuri

What: Dadfeels show about a yakuza middle manager that gets a girl with superpowers dropped on his head.

+ Nitta being a yakuza thug makes for good comedy

+ Seems way less wish-fulfilmenty than most shows of this type

- Yeah speaking of which, could lose itself in Maidragon-style sameyness

Verdict: I’m feeling it for now

Hisone to Masotan

What: Air Force clerk becomes dragon pilot/emergency food supply. Yeah, the Japanese Air Force secretly has a dragon squad masquerading as F-15s.

++ Psychedelically unhinged dragon vore bonanza

++ Looks really great

+ Secretly a mecha show, but without mecha baggage; Kawamori is involved and it shows.

+ Mari Okada writing means strong characters

- Mari Okada writing means high chance of eventually going into the weeds

Verdict: Either way this is going to be a ride

Isekai Izakaya - Koto Aitheria no Izakaya Nobu

What: Another anime about a Japanese restaurant that connects to a fantasy world.

- Less interested in worldbuilding than Shokudou, and yes I actually enjoyed that aspect

- 100% about Japanese barfood instead

- Weak to nonexistant characters

- - styled like Japanese daytime television, hope you enjoy text plastered all over the screen

Verdict: Isekai Shokudou S2 where

Juushinki Pandora

What: Postapocalyptic robot vs. space monsters fights for the Chinese market.

- Just a bunch of anime characters doing anime things

- - truly hideous

Verdict: I’d rather watch MuvLuv and I’m not watching MuvLuv either

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi

What: Bland girl gets transported to youkai world where she gets macked on by the boss and opens a restaurant.

- Barebones otome harem setup, though shockingly not based on a Vita game

- another fucking cooking show

- - Nothing’s romantic like possessive creepy assholes

Verdict: Nope.

Last Period - Owarinaki Rasen no Monogatari

What: Mobile RPG adaptation that advertises the game to you while making jokes how terrible gacha and grind is. Hey, Konosuba was popular right?

+ Certainly ballsy

- not really funny besides that

- - I already know mobile RPGs suck, but thanks for the heads up

Verdict: Fuck off and take your smug with you

Legend of the Galactic Heroes - Die Neue These

What: Spess men playing spess chess in spess.

+ Credible and respectable

+ Makes LoGH ultrafans mad because it’s not ugly enough

- space war seems like a video game, both visually and tonally

- if it adapts the whole thing, it will take forever

Verdict: Promising, but there’s always the old one which is at least complete. No reason to watch this particular version right now.

Lupin III Part V

What: Lupin is in ur cloud, stealin ur bitcoins.

++ Classic Lupin feel

++ Ruthless modernization of the bells and whistles keeps it from feeling overly familiar like Part 4

- Comes across as desperate occasionally

- Action is extra unexciting for some reason

- Looks nowhere near as good as Part 4

Verdict: It’s entertaining, so why not

Mahou Shoujo Ore

What: Comedy about a bad wannabe idol that works as a buff male mahou shoujo for the yakuza.

+ Core idea is amusing

- - spends most of the time on anything but the core idea, such as hilariously pointing out how it is indeed a cartoon

Verdict: I’ve tried and not picked up much better mahou shoujo parodies

Mahou Shoujo Site

What: Girl is bullied all day at school and beaten up all night at home, becomes a magical school shooter

+ Certainly effective at setting a, um, “particular” mood

- - relentlessly mean and nasty

- - simply no fun at all, with little reason to believe that that’s going to pay off

Verdict: Not looking for a bad time right now.

Megalo Box

What: Classic underdog sports story about a boxing jobber looking for the big break, now with more cyborgs.

++ looks amazing

++ cinematic-level direction and storyboarding

+ doesn’t reinvent the wheel as far as story goes, but it’s classic for a reason

- Overreliance on dog metaphors is already getting out of hand

Verdict: Would be stupid not to watch this

Nil Admirari no Tenbin - Teito Genwaku Kitan

What: Actual PS Vita otome harem about a bland girl with the power to see evil books, which impresses a bunch of handsome combat librarians.

- takes itself far too seriously

- not a looker

- I can’t remember a single character

- - pacing is criminally turgid

Verdict: I know better otome harems.

Omae wa Mada Gunma wo Shiranai

What: 4koma short about how Gunma is weird and Gunma people are even weirder.

+ It’s like a bizarre perversion of a tourism anime

- 4koma jokes

Verdict: Mmmmmmmaybe?

Persona 5 the Animation

What: High school kid finds himself in a weird woke fever dream. It’s P5, you know what it be.

+ Kawakami

- P5 is too known and too long to make a good anime

- serious issues don’t work with the residual Persona silliness

- Not very well made

Verdict: I’d rather watch a LP (or Caligula)

Rokuhoudou Yotsuiro Biyori

What: Chill boys run a chill cafe

+ very chill indeed, totally works as iyashikei

+ characters are all likeable, even brings the moe in an ikemen show

+ Suwabe! With glasses!

- Iyashikei always has potential to drift into boring sludge

Verdict: I’ll take that chance

Saredo Tsumibito wa Ryuu to Odoru

What: JRPG dudes fight monsters and argue about payment

+ Opening narration is so stupid it made me laugh

+ No seriously, “we changed the Planck constant and now there’s fucking dragons everywhere”

+ a few decent buddy cop moments

- - Rest of the show is just as stupid, but the laughter went away

Verdict: Durr hurr

Souten no Ken Re-Genesis

What: CG men with no neck make frowny faces at each other

- story is vague and hard to follow while at the same time just being an excuse for poses and fights

- - looks like an absolute butt

Verdict: stay far away

Steins Gate 0

What: Sequel. Okabe is sad that Chris is dead.

+ Epic twists will be coming... eventually.

+ Punished Okabe is a better character than he ever was before

- - Rest of the cast is still a bunch of hateable wankers, and even Okabe will be going back to his catchphrase eventually

- - nothing happens in the first two episodes besides establishing that Chris is a Tamagotchi now

Verdict: Possibly a hatewatch but seems to be too dull for even that.

Sword Art Online Alternative - Gun Gale Online

What: Catgirl with pink P90 totally puts serious operators in the PWN ZONE.

+ Main character’s IRL identity seems funny

+ evades most of the memetic SAO failings

- adds a lot of failings of its own

- egregious gun- & tacticool wank

- - boring as shit

Verdict: yeah, guess

Tachibanakan To Lie Angle

What: Unimaginative fanservice 4koma short, but this time it’s yuri so that makes it okay.

- - no, it doesn’t

Verdict: *snore*

Tada-kun wa Koi wo Shinai

What: Regular Anime Dude™ chances upon a weeaboo princess from Europe and her weeaboo bodyguard.

+ Looks real nice, Doga Kobo delivers

+ anime original, so there’s a chance of it ever going anywhere

- Just about the least interesting setup ever

- - comic relief guy friend is tremendously annoying

Verdict: Nozaki-kun was better.

Uchuu Senkan Tiramisu

What: Short. Some sort of mecha parody.

+ Gundamian masterpiece names like “Vulgar Hummer” and “Pubic Hair”

- not actually funny beyond that

- - at all

Verdict: Seems totally pointless, but what do I know about anime comedy

Uma Musume - Pretty Derby

What: School sports show about horse girls that are also idols

+ Premium production by PA Works

+ Lively and colorful

- awful, overwrought gacha game character designs

- characters are as generic as they come

- the setup is just Kancolle again, but without the “escort” pun

- something this wacky shouldn’t be so predictable and boring

Verdict: 3 ep rule, but 3 eps have passed and it didn’t grab me. So no.

Wotaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii

What: Adult otaku meet at work, fail powerlevel stealth check, fall in love.

+ Well written characters once you look past their gimmick

+ Much more respectable than most shows with this exact idea

+ Doesn’t lean on references

- Will have to put in some hard work to make it last

Verdict: I don’t want to like it, but I do. At least so far.

[brigdh]

Reading Definitely Not Wednesday

Leviathan Wakes by James S.A. Corey. A space opera set in the relatively near future. Humans have colonized Mars and the asteroid belt, and a few scattered populations make due on the moons of planets further out. There is, however, no faster-than-light travel, no contact with any solar system beyond our own, no sentient AIs, and no aliens. A major theme of the book is the culture clash between those who live on Earth or Mars – the superpowers of this future – and those who live in the Belt, where mining is the preeminent economy and life is the hardscrabble sort where even water and oxygen have to be imported, never mind concepts like justice and equality. Different characters move from one place to the other or switch allegiances, but their origins are as baked in as we would regard ethnicity or nationality. As one character puts it, "A childhood spent in gravity shaped the way he saw things forever." Corey (who is actually two separate dudes writing under a penname) does a wonderful job of fleshing out the background worldbuilding. I loved references to fungal-culture whiskey, Bhangra as the default elevator muzak, hand gestures exaggerated to be seen through a spacesuit, and largely unintelligible localized slang (“Bomie vacuate like losing air,” the girl said with a chuckle. “Bang-head hops, kennis tu?” / “Ken,” Miller said. /“Now, all new bladeboys. Overhead. I’m out.”). It feels like a more detailed world than a lot of sci-fi does. Which is good, because the characters are not all that compelling. The two POVs are Jim Holden and Detective Miller. Holden is the second-in-command on an unimportant spaceship that works as a freight hauler, moving ice back and forth between the Belt and Saturn. Things change dramatically when a mysterious someone attacks their ship and kills everyone except for Holden and a few others, and he finds himself centrally involved in the runup to war. He has the most generic action-movie-hero personality I can imagine, with no discernable characteristics except 'idealistic' (and I really only know that because other people keep telling him he is), kinda nervous about being suddenly thrust into command but doing a good job, a womanizer (but see, it's okay because he just keeps genuinely falling in love with so many women!), and earnest. He's fine. He's not even objectionable, just incredibly boring. He comes with a crew of entirely indistinguishable followers that I couldn't keep straight, but that's all right because most of them get killed off so I no longer had to try to remember who was who. He also develops a romance that is 100% unbelievable, but I suppose that's what action-movie-heroes do, so who's even surprised. Miller is a detective on Ceres, the largest city in the Belt, who's been hired by a rich family to track down their anarchist, slumming daughter. Miller is an incredibly cliche noir protagonist - alcoholic, divorced, not as good as he used to be, cynical, a little bit corrupt but underneath it all he still remembers his good intentions – but at least that means he has more of a personality than Jim, even if it's a personality you've seen a thousand times before. On the other hand, Miller becomes obsessed with this dead/missing girl in a way that is painfully stereotypical Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Two things kept this from ruining Leviathan Wakes for me. One, Miller is at least somewhat self-aware about it: This was why he had searched for her. Julie had become the part of him that was capable of human feeling. The symbol of what he could have been if he hadn’t been this. There was no reason to think his imagined Julie had anything in common with the real woman. Meeting her would have been a disappointment for them both. And two, there's a twist near the end that allows Julie to finally have her own voice in the text, and not exist solely as Miller's imagined dependance on her. It takes almost half the book for Miller and Holden to finally cross paths, at which point the missing-girl mystery and the war plot combine and take a twist for a direction I DID NOT SEE COMING. I am ambivalent on whether to spoil this; on the one hand, I read it unprepared and it was incredibly awesome to experience it that way. On the other hand, I suspect this is information that will be a determining factor for many people on whether they want to read it or not. So: halfway through, Leviathan Wakes takes a wild jump and becomes about a zombie outbreak. I would not have previously thought that 'space opera' and 'zombie apocalypse' are two genres that should be combined, but the tension and excitement skyrocket once the book takes this turn, transforming it from average quality to 'I CANNOT STOP READING, MUST FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT'. So, good choice! The sequence with Miller and Holden trapped on a small space station trying to sneak their way past zombie hordes is one of the most thrilling I've read in ages. Leviathan Wakes is the first book in a series (apparently it was originally supposed to be a trilogy, but there's currently eight books out with at least one more planned, along with a batch of short stories) and has also become a show on the Syfy network that I haven't seen. I feel like I've spent a lot of this review complaining, but honestly I mostly enjoyed the book and am planning to read the sequels. The fact that people seem to like the characters from future books more than these ones certainly doesn't hurt! Pig/Pork: Archaeology, Zoology and Edibility by Pia Spry-Marques. A nonfiction book about everything remotely related to the farming and eating of pigs. I expected from the subtitle and the author's personal background that archaeology would be the main focus, but it turns out that's really only the first two chapters, which cover the Paleolithic hunting of wild boar and the original domestication of pigs. The other chapters turn to topics as diverse as experiments on feeding farmed pigs leftovers from restaurants, the spread of foot-and-mouth disease, a special Spanish ham called ibérico de bellota which can only be fed acorns, genetically modifiying pigs so their manure would contain less phosporus, sunburn in pigs, minature pet pigs, organ donation between humans and pigs, the terrifying tapeworms to be acquired from eating raw pork, why pork is a 'white' meat, how to make sausages, theories on why pork is neither halal nor kosher, the use of an enzyme from pig pancreases in wine production, EU food-safety regulations on traditional pork dishes, Cuba's 'Bay of Pigs', the Pig War between the US and Canada in 1859, and Oliver Cromwell's favorite pig breed. Basically if it has the remotest connection to the title, Spry-Marques has included it. She even includes recipes for each chapter, though some of them are clearly more for amusement than actual consumption – I can't imagine anyone having just finished a chapter on how eating raw pork will give you cysts in your brain is eager to try figatellu, a type of uncooked sausage from France. And it would take a braver foodie than me to taste "Asian-inspired pork uterus with green onion and ginger". In fact, as is probably not surprising for any book which touches on factory farming however briefly, you will probably come away not wanting to eat pork at all for a while. Spry-Marques's writing is breezy and conversational, which kept me turning the pages even when the structure was a bit scattered. I wish it were more focused, but it's a great book for anyone who enjoys popular science, history, or food writing. I read this as an ARC via NetGalley. Song of Blood & Stone by L. Penelope. A YA fantasy novel with some unusual elements. Rather than being set in vaguely medieval England or a dystopian sci-fi future, we're in a country where the technology seems to be around 1900: cars and electric lights exist, but they're restricted to rich cities, and someone coming from rural poverty might well have never seen either. Magic exists, but comes from one's heritage; you're either born with it or not. In Elsira, where our story is set, it's rare to the point of nonexistence. Our heroine Jasminda, however, does have magic, due to her father having been a refugee from the neighboring country of Lagrimar, where magic is common. Elsira and Lagrimar have been constantly at war for hundreds of years, but are separated by a magical Barrier which allows no one to pass through, except on rare occasions when a temporary breach happens and violence erupts. Elsirans are light-skinned and Lagrimari are dark-skinned, so Jasminda has dealt with fairly severe racism throughout her life. The story starts when Jasminda runs across Jack, a Elsiran soldier just back from spying in Lagrimar who has super important information that must get back to the capital as soon as possible; unfortunately Jack has just been shot and is closely pursued by a troop of Lagrimari soldiers. Jasminda and Jack team up, fall in love, and try to prevent the coming outbreak of war. The most revealing thing I can say about Song of Blood & Stone is that it's very, very YA. (As you could probably guess, what with its title that fits exactly into the pattern of the 'YA title' meme currently going around tumblr.) Almost everything that happens is easily predictable from the back cover (Jack's long-withheld backstory is clearly supposed to be a shocking twist, but it's obvious from the moment he appears), the prose is mediocre but fine, good and bad guys are clearly signalled, the real world parallels (racism, treatment of refugees, domestic abuse) are good-hearted but extremely Social Justice 101. On the plus side, the beginning was the worst part and it got better and better as it went along; several developments near the very end were so interesting that I'm tempted to read the sequel, despite my initial boredom. Overall it's not a bad book, but I'd only recommend it to people who are extremely affectionate of the most repetitive tropes of the YA genre. I read this as an ARC from a GoodReads giveaway.

[DW link for easier commenting]

[justcutedodiegifs]

4,5,12,17,19,21,29,29,51,61,84,90,92,93,96,133,134,136

4. Does everyone deserve the truth?

Yes. 100% yes. I will never go back on this because I know personally how much a lie can end up hurting a person, even decades after it’s told. I know a lot of time they’re told to spare someone’s feelings, but lying never sits quite right with me because the person will always be hurt in the end.

5. What is the creepiest toy ever made?

Let me tell you a thing. When I was little, my grandma had these clown dolls that originally belonged to her grandma, and they were the scariest motherfuckers that ever existed. Right in the living room, sitting in a cabinet next to the TV. Needless to say, I was happy when she got rid of them a few years later.

12. What is your paradise?

I would love to live in a greenhouse type thing, where I’m surrounded by rain and nature but it’s like a bubble so I don’t get wet or have to deal with bugs if that makes sense? Just a quiet distant place (with great wifi) that I can share with a few close people and not have to deal with the other stress of life.

17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you?

Ignore me. I fucking hate it when people obviously and intentionally ignore me, like give me the silent treatment. Not only does it bug me, but I get really insecure and worried that I’ve done something wrong.

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments?

I have learned to play harmonica, violin, recorder, xylophone, and guitar, but I don’t remember how to play like any of them. I can still play guitar a little, and one of my New Year’s resolutions is to start practicing it more frequently. I also want to learn to play the ukulele this year, but that probably won’t happen so…

21. List 3 things you like about yourself?

Um?

My hair’s pretty okay I guess, I’m like half mediocre at writing, and I guess if I ever applied myself I can be good at things???

Does that count???

29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear?

“I can finally see that you’re putting in some effort”

-My Government and Politics teacher, 2018

51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend?

I’d like to think that I’m a good friend. I know I can be kind of lousy in the little things because I’m a raging bitch, but I’d like to think that when it comes to the big things I’ll always be there for the people I care about no matter what.

61. Do you have any guilty pleasures?

I keep a bag of chocolate under my bed so whenever I can’t sleep it’ll be like midnight and I’m eating a Twix that expired three years ago. (seriously, it’s a wonder I’m not dead)

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now.

Kate (don’t you start @sunflowerbian I will fight you)

Dodie (I’m trash I know)

Alesya/Connie/Douglas tie for third

90. List some things that you think are overpriced?

Rent, food, cars, wifi, essentially anything I’d need to actually move out.

92. What superpower would ruin the world?

I feel like someone who could control the internet, like physically change or manipulate anything that is on an electronic device would be pretty dangerous because in our society that’d be the equivalent of controlling reality.

93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway?

When I was in sixth grade and being indoctrinated by my religious mother I swore I would never be gay. Look at me all these years later, literally the gayest person on earth.

96. How do you approach people?

I don’t. No, but honestly I will wait for people to come to me because I have so much social anxiety.

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening?

More listening, because when talking I always worry about whether or not I’m rambling too much. It’s nice just listening to other people talk and not have to constantly hope I’m not boring them.

134. When is it time to end a friendship?

I think it’s pretty obvious when the bond just isn’t there anymore and you just drift apart. Of course, I never fucking accept it, but it’s best to me to acknowledge that shift because if you don’t, clinging to it almost is worse to me.

136. If GPA didn’t matter, what courses would you have taken?

I wish I had taken more art or creative writing courses because I only took them once each and I wish I hadn’t just given up on it. I also want to try computer science, just purely because it sounds interesting but the friends I have who are taking it have had a lot of trouble so I’m too scared to.

Ask me questions for the 150 follower milestone!

[wasiandonuts]

Get to know me - because I am bored

no need to read :))) 

1. What is your full name? Alexis __________ ________.

2. What is your nickname? Ale

3. What is your zodiac sign?  Capricorn

4. What is your favorite book series? I Am Number Four or Divergent

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Yes

6. Who is your favorite author? Jane Villanueva, ahah but in reality, the writers behind Pittacus Lore, idk i haven’t really enjoyed a book in a while

7. What is your favorite radio station? 99.5 or Z100

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? My “go-to” flavor is green tea or piña colada

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Amazing

10. What is your current favorite song? Say You Won’t Let Go

11. What is your favorite word? Right now, it is hoi polloi, it sounds cool

12. What was the last song you listened to? Bartier Cardi

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? JANE THE VIRGIN, it is coming back on Jan 26, and This Is Us

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Lion King

15. Do you play video games? used to but nope

16. What is your biggest fear? failure and mediocrity 

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I am really hard working -- strive for perfection usually

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I over-stress and anxiety woo! :(( because of that desire for perfection

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs, duh

20. What is your favorite season? Summer

21. Are you in a relationship? ......idk not really but everyone thinks so?

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? No one cared about how you looked or how you differed, everyone was just a kid 

23. Who is/are your best friend(s)? @veryhealthyobsessions and @mypercabethotp

24. What is your eye color? Brown

25. What is your hair color? It changes bu as of right now, dark brown - blonde ish

26. Who is someone you love? My mother and father

27. Who is someone you trust? My friend S.F.

28. Who is someone you think about often? um sam (refer to question 21)

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? JAFAEL COMES BACK IN LIKE 3 DAYS

30. What is your biggest obsession? tumblr = twitter = Jafael

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? That’s So Raven

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My dad

33. Are you superstitious? Yes

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Yes, I am afraid of like claymation type movies and lil bugs

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Front? though I like both actually

36. What is your favorite hobby? Writing, I don’t do it much which is sad

37. What was the last book you read? 47 Ronin

38. What was the last movie you watched? hmm....Moana?

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I can play the piano and the guitar

40. What is your favorite animal? I think white tigers are amazing creatures

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? @rafaelsolanoes, @mypercabethotp, @veryhealthyobsessions, @jafaeldaily and @jafaels

42. What superpower do you wish you had? The ability to levitate things and myself

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? I never feel peace but usually my bed at around 12:30 am

44. What makes you smile? Jafael and my friends

45. What sports do you play, if any? I do gymnastics and I run track

46. What is your favorite drink? Lemonade

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? Yesterday :)

48. Are you afraid of heights? nah

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? oooOOO i hate it when people brag about something way too much to the point where it sounds desperate or people who put their arm on my head, bc i am short

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yes multiple!

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nah i love my meat

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I wanted to be a lawyer

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? not sure, maybe the world of PJO?

54. What is something you worry about? EVERY. DAMN. THING.

55. Are you scared of the dark? i currently am in the dark so no

56. Do you like to sing? Yes i luv it

57. Have you ever skipped school? ...maybe

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? I love the beach in Aruba or Cancun

59. Where would you like to live? California

60. Do you have any pets? Yes I have a poodle

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl though unlike most, I am not that cranky in mornings

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets

63. Do you know how to drive? Yup

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Headphones but I have glasses so it is uncomfortable

65. Have you ever had braces? Yes, for 3 years

66. What is your favorite genre of music? R&B or Rap or Latin Pop

67. Who is your hero? My mom/Wonder Woman

68. Do you read comic books? Nope

69. What makes you the most angry? People 

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? I like real books better but I have to do a lot of electronic device reading

71. What is your favorite subject in school? Right now, it would have to be, suprisingly, math?

72. Do you have any siblings? nah

73. What was the last thing you bought? bubble tea yesterday

74. How tall are you? 4′11, I know I am a shortie

75. Can you cook?  Not really

76. What are three things that you love? happiness, health, and a small group of people

77. What are three things that you hate? lying, rudeness, many people

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends?

79. What is your sexual orientation? straight

80. Where do you currently live? East Coast USA

81. Who was the last person you texted? um SF (same person from 27)

82. When was the last time you cried? I cry a lot so surprisingly, friday. I don’t really remember

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Liza

84. Do you like to take selfies? yeah

85. What is your favorite app? Twitter

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? They are my inspiration and I love them very much

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? Austrailian

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Bora Bora

89. What is your favorite number? 1

90. Can you juggle? Nope

91. Are you religious? Yes, kinda. I grew up in Catholic school, so some of that is still there

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Eh sometimes

94. Are you allergic to anything? Pollen, mold, school, sunscreen

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yep

96. Can you wiggle your ears? Nope

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? All the time

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? beach

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? “Your family and friends are going to be there for you, not your wealth or your grades” - Mom

100. Are you a good liar? Yes I am

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Slytherin

102. Do you talk to yourself? Yes always

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Both, I am extroverted more probably

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? Tumblr is my diary

105. Do you believe in second chances? Yes, but depends on circumstance

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? See if it belongs to a family person, if so, just take a couple of bucks for a snack and see if I can return it

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? No 

108. Are you ticklish? Yessss

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yes

110. Do you have any piercings? Yup, just my earlobes

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? rafael solano

112. Do you have any tattoos? Nope

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Learning how to let go of things

114. Do you believe in karma? Yes

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Yup, both

116. Do you want children? Yup, gotta have a legacy

117. Who is the smartest person you know? @mypercabethotp

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I don’t really have a very embarrassing memory but I fell on a coffee table 3 times within an hour

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Yup, grind doesn’t stop

120. What color are most of you clothes? Brown and black

121. Do you like adventures? Yes I love adventures

122. Have you ever been on TV? yes, I was on the news once for my elementary school

123. How old are you? 16 young

124. What is your favorite quote? “Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid”

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Savory

op: yougoghkiddo

[akamarulover]

2017 Winter Anime Review

In response to my watchlist at the beginning of the season...  TBH as a whole this season was rather lackluster. Especially for a Summer anime season, there wasn’t really that much great content. (But the great content was amazing!!!) Anyway, lets start strong with...

BEST OVERALL: Made in Abyss

In the world exists a huge gaping abyss comprised of 9 layers, each more deadly and heinous than the last. Inside this abyss exist mystical creatures never before seen by humans, incredible treasures, and a vast landscape promising endless discovery and adventures. People who are awarded whistles are acknowledged as strong enough to explore the depths of the abyss. Riko is the daughter of a white whistle, the most revered and mighty of whistles. However, her mom has been missing for many years. So together with a cute robot boy, who came up one day from the depths of the abyss with no memories, Riko and Reg explore the depths of the abyss to find her mother & fantastical treasures. 

At the start of the season, I had said this show had great potential and may just even be the best of the season. Well, my instincts ended up being right on point. This show was INCREDIBLE. The animation was well done, the art style is cute and unique (and if the look makes you think of Madoka Magica at all, then you are thinking on the right track). Fantastic world-building, incredible scenery, charming and lovable characters. Emotional (the last episode especially was absolutely heart wrenching). A cute bunny girl (The best bunny girl ever made imo). This show has it all. Small warning, it is deceptively cute. Some scenes are VERY graphic (looking at you episode 10) But still, I implore every one of you who reads this to GO WATCH THIS SHOW!! Its only 12 episodes, (but set itself up to be open for a 2nd season) Its honestly one of the best new series I have seen in a while, I can’t stress enough how incredible it is. (If I were to compare it to something, I would say Shin Sekai Yori, another one of my favorite series)  PLEASE PLEASE check it out it deserves so much love!!

Personal Fav: My Hero Academia season 2

80% of the worlds population now possess ‘quirks’ or superpowers. Deku is one of the unfortunate 20% born without any quirk. One day, however, he meets the symbol of peace and #1 hero All Might. He decides that Deku is a worthy successor and decides to pass his power down on to him. Now Deku can attend the high school all young budding heroes dream of, UA, to try and become the worlds greatest superhero like his idol. 

Im gonna be obvious and throw this here. As you may know, I adore these hero kids, and season 2 only got better. With the Sports festival in the Spring season, and the Stain arc and End of Test term in this season, we had a LOT of fantastic character development. I mean if you’re a fan of the shounen genre, I’m sure you would love this series. Even if you aren’t, BNHA honestly does a really good job of subverting the common tropes and using them in a really unique and refreshing way. This series is quickly becoming one of my all time favorites.

Runner up: Tsurezure Children

Short gags telling the stories of young students stumbling through first love. Each episode follows a different set of characters, usually focusing on 3-4 different couples each week. Their stories are mostly disconnected, with some crossover between them all. 

Hilarious, cute, charming, sweet. This show was such a joy to watch every week. The gags are on point and never felt too forced or lazy. I’m not usually a big fan of shoujo series, but this one is really worth a watch. Its also shorter (9 mins per episode) so it’s pretty easy to get through fast. If you liked Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki kun, I think you would really enjoy tsurezure children. 

Ok now that I’ve gone through the best, I’m gonna talk about some of the more mediocre shows. Keep in mind, I still enjoyed them enough to watch the full series and keep up with it every week.  

Kakegurui

Jabami Yumeko is a gambling addict who gets off on high stakes and major risk. Hyakkou private academy is a school that bases its entire structure around gambling. The students are all cunning, rich, and willing to put everything on the line to win it big. If you end up losing a big gamble and go into debt, you are labeled with a dog tag, and your freedom in life is essentially over. 

Honestly?? I REALLY liked this show. Lots of very interesting girl characters (The major cast is 90% female). Great drama, clever, and interesting to watch. A bit heavy on the fanservice for me, but not distracting enough to qualify as a Bad show. A bit over the top and predictable at times. Still very fun to watch.

Fastest Finger First

Basically a sports anime, but involving button pressing quiz games.

Ima be real, if this were a better season I would not have followed this show. The main was cute and some of the characters were ok, but as a whole the show was a bit dull. The explanations were too lengthy and some charas were really annoying. Still if you like the genre, then it may appeal to you more. I’m not usually big on sports anime type stuff.

Boruto: Naruto Next Generations

Sequel to Naruto Shippuden series. Follows Boruto, the son of Naruto.

Still seems to be trying to find footing. Theres no solid plotline yet, mostly a lot of disconnected stories so far. The Sasuke plotline really pissed me off though. Sakura felt really ooc and I hated how she was sidelined hard as a pining wife who just waits around for her garbage ass nothing scumbag of a husband (don’t get me wrong, I adore Sakura, and her battle episode was really good), and the Sarada storyline was really dumb. I wish all the girls from the previous series were more important... But still, I’ve been enjoying it. And the series is starting to show signs of a real plot. Loving the intro of the 5 Kage summit!

Welcome to the Ballroom

Ballroom dancing anime! A boy with no hobbys, looking for something to do with his life, stumbles upon the world of competitive ballroom dancing. 

The music for this series is great. The animation looks really good, and is very fluid, great for its subject. (The style reminds me a lot of Haikyuu!!) The girls are all absolutely gorgeous and adorable and stunning and great! The boys....not so much. Main boy, Tatara, he’s fine. Cute, nice, I like him a lot. His rival, Hyoudou, kinda a dick and rather boring personality. His other rival/friend, Gaju, major creep. VERY weird and uncomfortable little sister complex. Acts rather shitty towards girls. The coach character, Sengoku, major piece of shit. Total asshole, objectifies women, abusive, calls girls whores for having multiple dance partners, I fucking hate this guy.....Ok so now that the bad shit is out, I still say that I’ve been able to mostly look past the shitty men and enjoy the series. The girls are VERY cute and amazing. Plus the new girl is, unquestionably, very gay, and I adore her already.

Katsugeki Touken Ranbu

Anthropomorphized bishounen versions of famous Japanese warrior’s swords are sent back to different periods in the past to correct time abnormalities caused by strange time altering forces.

So the animation for this series is absolutely stunning. Its got that gorgeous UFOtable animation, and the scenery is incredible. The fight scenes look fantastic. If anything, watch it entirely for the animation, (bc thats what I did) :9 The plot is ok, though some parts of it are really dumb or make no sense really. I DID really like the story of Mitsunokami meeting up with his master and just kinda chilling with him as a final goodbye type thing. Thought that was really well done. The characters kinda feel generic, but the boys are rather pretty, so if that sounds appealing, then hell yeah go for it!

Kyoukai no Rin-ne season 3

Current series by manga legend Rumiko Takahashi. Follows a poor boy named Rinne who works as an exorcist who has to escort lost souls to the afterlife. He meets Sakura, a normal highschool girl who happens to be able to see ghosts, who he befriends, along with many more characters who come in along the way.

Very charming and cute series. Rumiko Takahashi has a knack for creating funny, quirky, unique characters. This series is a lot of fun. A great watch if you’re looking for lighthearted fun.

Fate/Apocrypha

A new type of Grail war is underway. This time, there are 2 teams competing. The black team and the red team. Each team summons the standard seven servants (Saber, Caster, Rider, Berserker, Lancer, Assassin, and Archer) plus, a new class, Ruler, who is unaffiliated with either group and serves to watch over the war. The 14 servants then are sent to battle each other for their teams!

The next installation in the extremely convoluted mess that is the Fate/Series! Halfway finished with another cour coming, and I’m really loving it! Mordred, the child of the beloved King Arthur Saber, is a feisty and very fun character. I really enjoy a lot of the servants in this war. (Actually, I’m putting a hold on this series for the time being. It is very good and I am enjoying it a lot. It’s just that I found out it will be streaming on Netflix soon, so I would rather watch it there than in shitty quality from some random anime website.)

Kappeki Danshi Aoyama-kun

Aoyama is the undisputed ace of his soccer team! However, he values cleanliness above all else. He cannot stand being touched, refuses to eat food made by others, and will not allow a single speck of dirt to exist around him.

This series was pretty fun and made me laugh a lot. The first half is great! However, around halfway through it kinda started to lost steam. I love Aoyama’s character, a lot of fun and great gags. The manager, Gotou, was great too and I lover her sweet, yet threatening, nature hahaha. The rest of the cast were....ok at best, incredibly annoying at worst.

And now, I would like to introduce a very special award.  The indisputable WORST series: Shingeki no Bahamut;Virgin Soul

Follows the story of nina, a half dragon, 10 years after the events of the rise of Bahamut, a large demon dragon who threatened to destroy the world. The new king, Charioce, keeps his town safe by exploiting the demon race through torture, enslavement, and mass murder. Azazel, a fallen God turned demon, leads the revolt to free demons from his tyranny. The King also decides to declare war on the Gods, in order to gain more power. Nina finds herself caught in the middle of these three powerful forces.

This is, without a doubt, the WORST season 2 of any show I have every had the displeasure of watching in my life. Now let me say this, season 1 was PHENOMENAL. I LOVED it. One of my favorite adventure fantasy series out there. The main character, Favaro, is charming and funny and a wonderful character. (In season 2 he is barely present and when he is he feels very ooc if not completely inconsequential to the plot) I ADORE Shingeki no Bahamut: Genesis. And if you loved it too, DO NOT watch this fucking trainwreck of a season. I’ve never been so disappointed by a show, and I don’t want anybody else to feel this pain. The King, Charioce, is an absolutely deplorable and sickening character. The plot BARELY touches on the morality of his character, and even tries to victimize him and make you sympathize with him, despite his violent, abusive, GENOCIDAL tendencies. Nina, who I loved from the beginning,  becomes a less and less enjoyable character, to the point where I could not stand her. Main characters are randomly killed off seemingly without reason, if only for shock value. It honestly feels like a shitty fanfic more than an actual show with real substance or value. 

I just want to say though, that despite all this, season 1 is an incredible show. (Part of why I was so disappointed by this was because of my high expectations after having seen the GOOD series it came from) I really don’t want this review to stop you from seeing it. Season 1 is FANTASTIC!!!

Ok, now that i’ve got THAT out of my system...I’m gonna put in some other rankings. 

Top 5 Favorite Summer series: 1) My Hero Academia season 2 2) Made in Abyss 3) Tsuredure Children 4) Kakegurui 5) Fate/Apocrypha

Top 10 Summer Characters: 1) Katsuki Bakugo (My Hero Academia) 2) Izuku Midoriya (My Hero Academia) 3) Nanachi (Made in Abyss) 4) Ochako Uraraka (My Hero Academia) 5) Reg (Made in Abyss) 6) Mordred (Fate/Apocrypha) 7)Tsuyu Asui (My Hero Academia) 8) Mako Akagi (Welcome to the Ballroom) 9) Saotome Mary (Kakegurui) 10) Aoyama (Kappeki Danshi Aoyama-kun) Top 5 OP/ED songs 1) 10%Roll, 10%Romance - Unison Square Garden (Welcome to the Ballroom) 2) Deal With the Devil - Tia (Kakegurui) 3) Datte Atashi no Hero - Lisa (My Hero Academia) <3 for the fantasy au ;9 4) Tabi no Hidarite, Saihate no Migite - Miyu Tomita, Mariya Ise, & Shiori Izawa (Made in Abyss) 5) Maybe the Next Waltz - Mikako Komatsu (Welcome to the Balroom)

[harmonization]

Tagged by @songofstrife - thank you so much, my dear!

Rules: 1: Always post the rules. 2: Answer the questions of the person who tagged you. 3: Write 11 questions of your own. 4: Tag 11 people.

1. How would you fare in a zombie apocalypse? Moderately well, I think? Initially I was gonna say “I’d die within the first 5 mins” but then I paused and realized that that wasn’t true because I live and breathe horror games in my everyday life, so I would actually have a good idea of what I can do to survive lol 2. Space or deep sea exploration? Both! Though I lean more towards deep sea exploration. 3. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Telekinesis without a question. I need it because 1) I’m losing things constantly and 2) I’m a klutz who’s dropping things constantly LOL 4. What is one/more than one thing about yourself that you are proud of? I have a talent for musical harmony - I can actually genuinely say with sincere belief that I’m good at it. I can’t really say that about anything else in life tbh because I’m mediocre at everything else LAUGHS 5. What was the last show or movie that you watched and would you recommend it? Thor: Ragnarok, and hell yes. 6. Is there anything that frightened you as a child that seems silly now? There were a lot of things that frightened me as a child, but I don’t think any of them seem silly. Even in adulthood I still consider them legit kind of fears. 7. What is/was your favorite school subject? It’s been ages since I was in school - lol I’m not young anymore! - and I don’t have one favorite, but I did enjoy anything artsy. Music, drama, and the like ... those were the subjects I always looked forward to. 8. Do you have any weird talents? LOL this isn’t exactly a talent but I was just tweeting about it the other day - my body has this weirdly useful mechanism of being able to stay lying on my back facing up if there’s anything on my face. That means that I can use those skin treatments and skincare masks that stay wet all night (and I frequently do), and I can sleep in them and I won’t smear anything on my pillow. It’s strange but my body just has a sixth sense for it, I’ll never roll over and make a mess. I think it’s part of being a light sleeper, I guess. 9. Do you have any nicknames? Some people call me Harms out of laziness? LOL! But ayyy Harmony is fine y’all 10. What is your dream vacation destination? I always want to visit places with pretty nature landscapes. So like ... Canada, Romania and the like. I’ve been to New Zealand and it was sooo beautiful. I’m hooked!

11. Would you prefer to be a hero, villain, or somewhere in between? Any of the above, as long as I’m well-written! /winks/

I won’t tag anyone since I’ve done this meme a few times (answering different questions each time) but once again thanks @songofstrife for thinking of me and tagging me! :)

[livefromtheloam]

Tenchi Muyo! Galaxy Police Transporter

So I finally watched Tenchi Muyo: GXP. This is super long and full of fifteen-year-old spoilers, so I’ll stick a jump right about here.

tl;dr: Absolutely adored the series (with a couple of gripes), but hate what it heralded for the Tenchi Muyo franchise.

To start off, I want to say that I loved watching GXP. Had it come out earlier (and obviously had it not starred Seina), I would dare to call it the ultimate Tenchi series.  It combines the canon and overarching galactic epic of the OVA, the episodic format and character development of Universe, and the unbridled humor of Tokyo, then kicks every one of those things into high gear. It also fixes a lot of the problems that the three series were notorious for, namely: the OVA’s tendency to throw important details under the rug in order to put together cool set pieces, Universe’s low animation quality and over-reliance on filler, and Tokyo’s over the top irreverence (I’m normally a huge fan of irreverence, but man did Tokyo take the entire franchise off the rails).

It feels weird to call GXP a Tenchi Muyo! series, considering it’s as much of a spinoff as anything can get, but it does share most of the themes that all TM properties share. It’s got the harem, space adventure, comedy, drama, excellent character development (except for its main character somehow), and a cabbit. Granted, not all characters we’re supposed to care about are given any kind of dimension (looking at you, Miss Balta), but it’s so weird to start to care about secondary characters that were, once again, thrown under the rug in the later OVA’s, like Airi, Mikami, Seto, and even a few of the tertiary characters. Except for Tennyo. So sad.

Oh hey these ladies are actually great characters! (Not pictured: Tennyo.)

My favorite part was how relentlessly funny it could be. The show had no problem engaging in little gags here and there, but once Seiryo gets a more prominent role in the story things get downright hilarious.

I will never stop laughing at this.

I also appreciated how the opening and end theme sequences added new things as the series went on, such as replacing band-aids with Fukus, highlighing or blocking out certain characters, and adding others when they join the story. While I don’t usually like the harem genre (I prefer the first two OVA’s and Universe for their use of a love triangle rather than an out and out orgy), I always try to put my hangups on hold when it comes to Tenchi. Additionally, I just pretended that Seina was at least eighteen by the time the series ended just to get over the creep factor of a person who would be considered a child entering into a relationship with several adult women. Graduating from space college has got to take at least three years, right?

Speaking of, as much as Seina was yet another mediocre yet earnest everyboy protagonist, I couldn’t help but enjoy his antics. Maybe it was his almost Brooklyn accent (I watched the dub, so sue me), maybe his misfortune, maybe his complete and utter acceptance of pain and injury, but it was hard not to root for him. Plus, I love how his bad luck superpower can be used to explain why so many women are attracted to him despite being actively bad for anyone to be around (and way too young - seriously what is up with that?)!

“I guess they must be thirsty.” Ya don’t say.

And then we get to the last few episodes.

This was the point where GXP got over the top irritating for me. At some point, Seina’s bad luck turns to good, but with no noticeable difference either way. He’s given an incredible amount of gifts - A living ship made by Professor Washu! A royal tree to merge that ship with! A primordial battle mech powered by the sibling to the original Juraian tree to merge himself with featuring built in Easter egg action and kung fu grip! Light Hawk Wings! - and bad luck or good, these things serve to push Seina to godlike status. And that’s ok because it’s just a TV show. However, when he wins the duel against Seiryo due to, what else, a fluke of luck (why did either of them agree to a rule whereby someone can lose via embarrassment?), it finally reaches beyond frustrating just how much the showrunners pamper their protagonist.

The first of many promotions, given to him about a week after enrolling in the academy.

Seina himself does precious little on his own. He does his best, but grows very little as a person. Just what are his motivations, aside from a vague sense that he wants to be in the GP? We never see him try to do anything he can’t reasonably do because he wins every single time through either bad luck or good luck or someone looking out for him. He never comes to understand Kiriko’s concerns or Amane’s insecurities, nor does he try to get to know Ryoko or Neju better. He’s gotten everything - power, money, women - without doing anything to earn it.

Finally, the series ends with his wedding. To four women. And sure, it’s a political marriage in a culture that allows powerful nobility to have multiple spouses. And sure it ostensibly serves to ensure the longevity of the dream team that’s been ushering in an age of prosperity for businesses all over the galaxy, fine good whatever. But the show can’t even bring itself to respect these women who, for the most part, have proven themselves to be badasses who’ve earned every bit of respect they never got.

Does this look like the face of mercy?

Kiriko was a tactical prodigy who rose through the ranks of the GP through her willpower, wits, and ability to jump fearlessly into any situation regardless of danger, not to mention a distant blood tie to the royal family of Jurai. Amane was a wealthy heiress who threw away a promising career because it was too easy and challenged herself to make her way through the GP ladder. Ryoko Balta, despite being a bit bland, was a badass space pirate whose intuition, navigational skills, and battle prowess kept her ship floating long after most of the rest of the Daluma fleet had been captured. Neju was considered one of the most powerful head priestesses of all time (told not shown, sadly), and was revered (and reviled) throughout the galaxy for her two millennia of stern justice.

And they get lumped all together during their own wedding, all so that Seina can get a huge flashy show.

Seriously, they all walk out at the same time with identical smiles on their faces, as if they weren’t fiercely independent women like one episode prior.

And sadly, this is the final piece of the puzzle I needed to understand where the Tenchi Muyo! franchise has been going over the past fifteen years.

After GXP was somewhat of a flop, Kajishima took it back and has been writing a series of novels based on it. This precluded any need for a team to talk him back from the skeevier elements of what he thinks TM should be, including the harems and incest, and gave him full control over the direction of the OVA continuity. While I’ve never understood why the doujinshi are considered canon by fans, it’s hard to argue with the creator of a series when he says the officially published novels are what the real story is. I haven’t read through the whole set (I figure I’ll do that once my Japanese reading skills get a bit better), but from what I’ve seen so far the novels eschew the comedy and lightheartedness for exposition and expansion of the lore. Which wouldn’t be so bad if it were going somewhere, I dunno, fan-accessible?

As much as I dislike what the future holds for Tenchi, I’d love to see them all on Maury. (Thanks to AstroNerdBoy for the scan.)

Instead, we get a Tenchi Muyo! OVA that seems to serve the purpose of connecting Tenchi’s world to Seina’s rather than the other way around. Characters who fans loved and built a following for are pushed to the wayside for characters who appeared in Seina’s story, and the overarching epic is leading somewhere few fans ever wanted to go - namely Seina’s harem of twenty wives, a number of whom are mother and grandmother figures.

This is literally a grid of potential partners for Seina. He has backup harems. One of them involving Kiriko’s mom. Fantastic. (Thank you Tenchi Muyo Wiki.)

If I’ve mentioned characters a number of times in this piece, it’s because that’s the unshakable foundation that the entire Tenchi Muyo franchise was built on. There are at least five different continuities, and throughout them all the characters remain the same at their cores. Tenchi is plain but earnest. Ryoko is hotheaded and passionate. Ayeka tries to be proper but fails in the face of Ryoko’s teasing. Sasami is sweet, kind, and hard-working. Mihoshi is ditzy yet well-meaning. Washu is the greatest scientific genius in the universe! As of the ending of GXP, however, characterization seems to mean very little to the author. Kiriko, Amane, Ryoko, and Neju give up their individuality because... Seina. The women of the Masaki home take a backseat to Noike because... they’re no longer important to the story being told. Proud Emperor Azusa, who was embarrassed at the hands of Tenchi Masaki, grandson of that worthless Yosho, is suddenly devoid of any personality let alone desire for vengeance because... Seto is also on screen and she was an important character in GXP.

I will say that I’ve come to enjoy the third and fourth OVA’s, simply because now I’ve been properly introduced to more of the characters. The final episode of OVA 4 does a great job of tying up many of the loose threads that have been floating around since GXP’s inception and bringing all the OVA continuity series into a cohesive whole. It’s nice, but once again, makes me worried that a series that used to be about lovable characters having space adventures and shenanigans at home with tender moments thrown liberally into the mix is turning into a creepy ecchi series with no regard for characterization unless it gives Tenchi or Seina another wife.

They spend so much time this episode of Tenchi Muyo! talking about Seina that it’s ridiculous. They then proceed to tease the mother of his childhood friends about her obvious hots for him. (Thanks to EcchiOujisama for the subs!)

My theory is that it’s because Seina is the one thing that Kajishima has had all to himself for over a decade. Seina is his favorite child, who will receive gifts of women and good luck, regardless of how much the fans still love Tenchi and company. As much as he can profit off of doujinshi and art (and I’ll admit that I hope to own one of his sketches one day), he still has to share Tenchi with other people. This doesn’t prevent him from throwing Tenchi a bone in his fan comics, but the more he can tie the entire continuity into Seina’s story, the better. I wonder if the same thing is going to happen to Kenshi now too.

I liked Seina and rooted for him, but by the end it was obvious that he’d never become anything but a fantasy fulfillment device. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems to me he has no reason to grow or change, and is emblematic of what many people disliked about the franchise after 2002.

I accepted a while back that the OVA series and maybe even the franchise was no longer “for me.” The old episodes, movies, novels, and manga still exist, of course, and I can and do enjoy them immensely. I’ll also be watching GXP for years to come and plan to read the novels when I’m able to. I think I just wanted to get my thoughts out about a series that I watched and enjoyed, and how it changed a franchise that went down a different path a long, long time ago.

Adieu, Tenchi Muyo!

Also, why did all the members of Tenchi’s household get new voice actors for this show? That was weird. 

[psykertroll-blog]

The Raven’s Old Flame

A gift for my latest follower, @burgers-1776. This is an AmeViet one shot (Although I guess you could say that this is more of an America character study). I hope you enjoy~

If one were to examine him closely, and look behind the bright, pearly white veil of his smile, though he would not say so himself, Alfred had to be the unluckiest country in the world.

However, this bad luck was not what one would usually think. While others would usually remain in the shadows of their mediocrity, wealth, land, and prosperity came quickly for him. In what seemed to be a blink of an eye, America had grown from a fledgling colony constantly on the brink of annihilation, beset by enemies from all sides by Spain in the south, France and Canada in the northwest, and the numerous Indian nations in the frontier, to that of a superpower, with influence spanning the globe. He was still beset by enemies on all sides, yes, but now he could not only survive, but thrive, so much so that any worries of invasion, disease, or famine were far from his mind.

Yet, while America had all of these blessings, Alfred believed himself to be truly cursed.

For you see, it was not a sickness of the body that plagued him, nor was it a sickness of the mind.

No, the disease that was currently taking root in his heart was love.

Love. What a deceitful thing indeed.

The object of his desires was but a few feet away from him. While the chaos of the meeting room swirled around them, and nations of all stripes and colors fought in an ever rising pitch, at that very moment, Alfred felt as if they were the only two souls in the entire world.

There she sat, the picture of elegance in her green dress. Her raven hair shone, gleaming as it glistened in the sun, and her skin glowed with health and vitality. When she stared out of the window, exasperated with the never ending disaster in the background, he still found her to be as enchanting as always, and all Alfred’s heart could do was painfully soar, even though he knew it had to be caged for evermore.

After all, every time he set his heart free, it mutated from that of a budding flower, to a parasitic weed. This weed would grow, and grow, and grow, until its roots choked the life out of his love.

It had happened before, and it would happen for evermore.

Vietnam was almost torn asunder by his and Russia’s tug of war. It was a miracle that she hadn’t died…

His feelings were sharply divided on Vietnam, of course. Sometimes, he hated himself for even entering the war. Other times, he despised himself evermore for abandoning Lien on that day in Saigon. He turned his back to her and her people’s pleading cries for help, scrambling to escape the communist taint that was quickly taking over the south, but his people had decided that he had to leave, and as a nation, America would do what had to be done.

Whatever the case, in the end, Lien was alive and well, and so Alfred thanked his lucky stars that she didn’t end up like his last love.

What he did to Texas was wretchedly evil.

He killed her, yes, watched the life slip away from her eyes as she died by the bullet of his rifle, but that was not the worst of it.

Not by a long shot.

It was 1864, and Savannah was burning.

For months now, they had marched through Georgia. From November to bleak December, the Union men destroyed all in their path. Railway tracks were melted and twisted, farms were looted by marauding soldiers and the opportunistic scavengers that followed them, and entire cities were decimated as Sherman’s army drew steadily nearer and nearer to the sea.

And now, at the pinnacle of his campaign, Savannah was finally burning.

America walked into the house, a dark, solemn look on his face. He knew what had to be done. Lincoln had ordered it, and so the task would be carried out to the full. When he first read his boss’s letter, Alfred was speechless.

It was… unspeakable.

He didn’t even know if he could DO such a- a monstrous thing.

He was in agony, pure agony, but Alfred was but a nation, meant to serve his people, so he would do it all the same.

No matter what, this hellish war must end.

A shrill cry rang out in the ruined building. Judging by the sound, it was in the room right next to him.

America slammed open the door with the butt of his rifle, and saw a tiny, frail, but determined figure standing tall over a wooden crib. She pointed a shotgun point blank at his chest, and without another word, she spat in his face.

All the same, America would not be deterred. Unfazed, he wiped the spit from his face, and with a blank expression, he snatched the shotgun away from the bloodied woman and bent it in two, flinging it out of the window.

His voice was the essence of calm as he spoke.

“Stand aside, Georgia.”

“I know what you did to her. I know. You Yankee devil, you Northern scum, I know what you did to her, and I know what yer comin here to do! I ain’t lettin you come one step close to this here child. You can burn down my towns, you can loot and salt all of my farms, and destroy my railroads. In fact, you can kill me right here and now, just like you did to Texas, but you ain’t takin another step-”

Without another word, America harshly slapped Georgia, sending her to the ground.

“Shut up. You know nothing.”

Much like an automaton, he mechanically reached into the crib, and cradled the squalling babe in his arms. Instantly, the child grew quiet, and giggled as he grabbed Nantucket with his tiny hand.

He was the spitting image of Texas. With his tan skin, brown hair, and hazel eyes, Allen Jones looked just like his lost Lenore.

Lenore Jones née Carriedo. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. When he first met her, Alfred could have sworn that an angel had fallen out of heaven. At the time, he was still a young colony of England’s, still in that awkward, prepubescent stage between a boy and a man. Even so, while his appearance was that of an eleven year old runt, and hers that of a seventeen year old youth, he was amazed by her radiance. Yet, much like himself, she too was overshadowed by the might of Empires. From the Spanish Empire, to the Mexican Empire, she was under their yoke, ignored and forgotten in her dusty corner.

Alfred, however, was enthralled by her. While their relations were little more than that of an acquaintance in the 18th century, by the 19th century Alfred had grown into a man, and the two fell deeply in love as he pried her from the clutches of her sister to the south…

Only for her to die by his hands a scant twenty years into the future.

And now… now their child would fall to the same fate.

Allen Jones represented the newly formed Confederacy, and he had to die.

With a twist of the neck, the deed was done, and Allen hung limp in his embrace.

Gently laying him in the crib, America did not listen to the keening wails of Georgia. Instead, he stoically walked outside of the building, fell to his knees, and vomited.

“She wouldn’t want you to be like this, ya know.”

Alfred shot up from his slouched position, frantically looking around as he was ripped from his musings. The room was emptied out hours ago, and the sun had long since lowered from high noon to a breezy twilight. Once his eyes set upon the woman standing next to him, however, he stopped.

It was Georgia.

“Wh-what?”

Alfred stared, wide-eyed in his confusion.

“You know what I mean, ya idjit. This is downright pathetic. Who the hell do you think you are, mopin round like some sad ol mule? Get up.”

She pulled at his arm, dragging Alfred out of the chair. Struggling, Alfred tried to escape her iron grip, but it was to no avail, and soon the pair were out of the meeting room. Before he even knew it he was thrown into Georgia’s car in the parking lot, and he turned to the blonde, pissed off.

“Okay. The fuck is this about, Georgia-”

“Oh, be a dear and shut yer pie hole fer just one second, will ya? I came to pick yer sorry ass up, that’s what, and I’m sick and tired of yer shitty attitude.”

She pulled the car out of park, and swerved onto the road, slamming the gas pedal hard as she drove.

A tense silence then fell upon them, neither daring to make the first move. After thirty minutes had passed, the sun had set, and they were in front of the hotel where the rest of the nations were staying.

There, Alfred could clearly see Lien through the glass windows of the lobby. She was leaning against the wall, and had an irritated expression on her face.

All the same, she was painfully alluring to him. So much so, that a tiny, anguished sigh managed to escape from his throat before he could suppress it.

Due to this, Georgia was the first to speak.

“See what I mean? This is exactly what I was talkin about. What a disgrace.”

At that, Alfred quickly looked away from the lobby and scoffed, crossing his arms.

“Again, I have no clue what you’re going on about-”

“Quit it with the act, America. You love her, don’t ya. In fact, before you even try to answer that with yer dumbass mouth, I know you love her. I know because I’ve seen the same look in yer eyes over a hundred years ago.”

Shocked once more, Alfred jumped up in his seat. He yanked his seat belt clean off, and tried to slam open the car door.

“Well, it’s been swell, Georgia, it really has, but as you can see, it really is getting late, and I gotta hit the hay. I’ve got a day chock full of back-to-back meetings tomorrow, you know, the usual bullshit, so I can’t stay and chat, ahahahaha-”

His second attempt at escape, however, was once again an abject failure, for Georgia pulled at his ear, keeping him in the car.

“Hush up, will ya? You don’t wanna start up a commotion in front of yer precious Vietnam, now. As I was sayin, before I was so rudely interrupted, you and I both know that yer in love with the gal, so there’s no use runnin away with yer tail between yer legs-”

In response Alfred slammed his fist down on the top of the glove box, snapping from Georgia’s endless tirade.

“Alright, fine! It’s true! I love her! I love her so much that I could die! You fucking happy? I don’t know why you’d even care, seeing as you hate my guts, but there it is! I love her, so the fuck what? It’s not like anything’s ever going to happen because of it! You’ve seen for yourself the clusterfuck that goes along with my damn love life! There’s practically a death toll next to it! I wouldn’t be surprised if it was cursed!” He breathed heavily, lowering his voice to a low rumble. “It’s better if I do nothing at all than to involve myself with her again. It’s a miracle that Lien is even alive. I’m not taking the risk of her dying, not for my stupid feelings. Now shut up, and leave me alone.”

Exhausted, Alfred leaned his head onto his two hands, and clawed at his forehead in frustration.

Georgia, meanwhile, laid back in her seat, and lit up a cigarette before she spoke again.

“America- no, Alfred. I’m not going to say that none of it was yer fault. What you did was despicable, and I’ll never forgive you for it. But we did despicable things as well. You murdered your own flesh and blood, but we used him for our own political agenda. It was a horrible time for us all, but all the same that time is now in the past, and I wish you would get over it. You may want to wallow in yer own misery, forever alone, and to be fair, I may want that as well, but ya see, Lenore wouldn’t want that for you, Allen wouldn’t want that for you, and if this Lien is worth anything, she wouldn’t want that for you either. While we may not live for an eternity, Alfred, I have a feelin that America’s gonna stick around fer a few centuries yet, and I gotta say, those centuries are gonna be an awful long time to suffer through alone. Granted, I don’t hardly know much bout whatever happened between you and this here gal aside from all the stuff that blasted on the news forty years ago, but if you don’t get your sorry ass in there and talk to her, I’m gonna kick that same ass so hard that you’ll still be feelin it when yer old and gray.”

“I- Georgia-”

“If I’m callin you Alfred, you’d best use my name as well.”

“Erm, I mean, Sarah…”

“Yes? I don’t got all month for ya to stutter like some yeller bastard, so just spit it out.”

Alfred tilted his head, and for the first time in a long while, his smile was genuine.

“Thank you. For everything.”

“Pssh. Whatever. This is a one time thing, ya hear? Now get outta my car.”

“Will do.”

With that, Alfred did as Sarah asked, and hopped out of the car. There in the lobby, Lien still sat by the window, and as she looked up, she could see him as well.

He walked inside, sat beside her, and said hello.

She smiled, and took his hand…

And from there, their future was set.

For better or worse, the raven’s old flame was finally put to rest.