#and I dunno I. how could I not worry?? She is my world and leaving her behind is literally a nightmare eif mine

[raven-dor]

illicit affairs

in which you distance yourself from bucky barnes, and he won’t rest until he knows why

PAIRING: congressman!bucky barnes x fem!reader

WARNINGS: fluff, morning sickness, pregnancy, miscommunication (but ig it's more like refusing to communicate), given last name! (Clark), arguing, ANGSTY ANGSTY ANGST, more arguing, kissing, fluff ending

WORD COUNT: 4.7k

🎶 : illicit affairs - taylor swift

AN: 🩵♥️💗 - this is like my favorite angsty fic of all time, like it's up there with me and my husband (gwayne hightower) EEEK HAPPY READING!! also i might write a part two where the use the house she bought if that's something you guys would be interested in

The sun shone through the curtains, yellow and bright. You stared at the man dead asleep beside you, a contented smile creeping on your lips. He looked so peaceful, not at all like how he looked awake, always stressed, always worrying over something. If it wasn’t Congress or the team, it was you. Worry was Bucky’s main emotion, you would say when you teased him. He worried over your safety the most, often trying to convince you to stop working in the office, practically begging you to work from home. 

You glared at him every time. 

You could never bring yourself to stay angry, though. He was caring, more than most had ever been with you. You were fragile, something he cherished. 

It made you feel valuable; your cheeks warmed just thinking about it. 

He grumbled, burying his face further into your torso. His arm was lazily wrapped around your waist, and he smiled in his sleep, pulling you closer. You hadn’t wanted to wake him, but he had a meeting in forty-five minutes, and he still needed his routine cup of coffee. “Buck. You have to get up.” 

“Five more minutes.” 

“Bucky…” You laughed, running your fingers through his hair. “You’ll be late.” 

“I could run there in five minutes.” You knew from the look on his face that he was considering it. Thanks to his super soldier serum, he really could run around the entirety of Washington D.C. in less than an hour. 

“You could, but your hair would be a mess.” You frowned, reaching down to run your fingers through the sleep-tangled tresses. “A lot like it is now. Besides, think about the people who voted for you, who elected you to this office. They wouldn’t exactly enjoy learning that their congressman was late to a meeting.” 

“I hate when you’re right.” He groaned, rolling over and walking toward the bathroom, leaving the door open as he fixed his appearance. “Have I told you how lovely you look this morning?”

“No.”  You playfully glared. “And if you did, you’d be a liar.”

He scoffed. “You’re timeless, Doll. Would’ve took my breath away even in the ’40s.” Your heart fluttered from his compliment. “Are you coming into work with me?” 

You shrugged, biting your lip as you admired his back muscles. “Dunno. I think I’ll take a half day. Probably go on a walk, find a nice cafe to get some work done in.” 

He frowned. “What am I going to do without you?” 

You rolled your eyes. “You’ll be just fine. The world will turn without me running the office while you’re gone.” 

“I don’t know.” He was rather dramatic in the morning. “My executive assistant is important-” 

“We can’t go to work together.” You hissed. “You know that. The press would have a field day-” 

“I don’t care.” He sat on the edge of your shared bed. “Don’t you think it’s time the office knows?”

“Bucky. Think of your career, your position. It would look like an abuse of power, I would have to stop working-” 

“Perfect.” He looked terribly pleased with your last statement. “I’ve been trying to get you to stop working in the office for months.” 

“I like working.” You glared. “And I thought we’d finally gotten past that.” 

“We have.” He smiled, reaching out to hold your hand in his. “I just want you to be-” 

“I know.” You sighed. “But I can take care of myself.” 

“I know you can.” He leaned in, lips brushing against yours. “Doesn’t mean I can’t worry.” 

Your eyes welled up, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “You love me too much.”

He shook his head, eyes darting to your lips. “Not such thing as too much, Doll.”

You leaped up, pulling him down to you, his eyes wide as you kissed him senseless. “God, I love you.” You murmured against his lips. 

He grinned, kissing down your neck. “I love you more.” 

He’d been late to work. You had to peel yourself away from his touch and practically push him out the door, waving goodbye until his car had vanished from your sight. 

His townhouse was perfect, warm and inviting. When you first started dating, it was empty, with only the bare necessities. You’d laughed when you’d entered, insisting that he let you take him shopping. He’d agreed, and you would later find out he would agree to anything you asked simply because he loved the way your eyes lit up when you were determined.

 Your stomach lurched, and you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut to try and quell the nausea. Finding your way into the kitchen, you grabbed your favorite mug, one that Bucky had bought with you in mind, and made yourself a cup of peppermint tea. Another wave of nausea, stronger than the last, hit you as the steam hit your nostrils. You realized that this was not something you could solve with a couple of deep breaths and a cup of tea; your stomach once again grumbled as you rushed toward the bathroom. 

Denial. 

That was the first stage, right? 

You stared at the tests on the bathroom counter, too shocked to cry. There was no possible way this was real. You’d been safe, you’d taken extra precautions. The science behind the super soldier serum coursing through his veins was something neither of you understood, and so you decided you’d rather be safe than sorry. 

Apparently, you thought as you stared wide-eyed at the positive pregnancy tests in front of you, your extra precautions had been for nothing. This was horrible timing, plain and simple. He’d finally made a name for himself other than the ‘Winter Soldier’. He was finally coming into his own, and you’d ruined it. 

You had to resign. You had to leave before the press found out. 

No, you reasoned with yourself. No one knew you were dating; if you simply pretended that you were pregnant by some random man, the office would believe you. 

There was one major flaw in that plan. What would Bucky think? What would he think if his girlfriend of almost two years suddenly broke up with him and showed up to work a week later, visibly pregnant? 

You decided to stick with your original plan, resigning from the office and fleeing DC. You ran up the stairs, shoving everything you’d accumulated into the two bags you kept here. Your drawer would be empty by the time he came home.

He would eventually understand that you were saving his job, saving what you’d both worked so hard for him to achieve. Besides, who knew if he even wanted that with you, a child, a domestic life? This was James Barnes, the World War II veteran, Avenger, and congressman. He had no time for trivial things like that. 

Anger. 

Your life was exactly what you’d wanted, perfect in every way that counted. Your relationship with Bucky was perfect.

At least, until now.

He had been the first man to truly love you, to care about you. You weren’t some object, some underling. You were his equal, his great love, his partner. 

You’d finally achieved your dream. You came to DC to head an office, to become a political weapon. You’d done that, you’d seen the potential in Bucky, and you had gotten him into office.

This wasn’t fair. 

You loved him, you loved him so much that it hurt. He was a gentleman. He held the door open, he respected you, he was- Angry hot tears ran down your cheeks as you lugged the bags over your shoulders, locking the front door behind you, leaving your key underneath the mat. 

This really sucked.

You hailed a taxi, smiling gratefully when the driver helped you with your bags. “Where to, Miss?” 

“Doll?” Bucky called out, shutting the door behind him. “You didn’t show up to work! Something wrong?” 

No response. You were probably upstairs, too tired to call back out to him. He set the takeout bags on the kitchen counter, shrugging off his sports coat. “I brought Indian food from your favorite place down on 8th street.” 

By this point, you were typically barreling down the hallway, jumping into his arms and peppering kisses over his face. He frowned, the house much too silent for his liking. “Baby? Are you home?” 

The hallway was dark, too dark for his liking. You were known for leaving the lights on, too scared to walk around his house in the dark. He laughed when you’d told him, but he’d never judged. If it made you feel safer, then he was all for it. 

He’d checked every room, every possible place you could be, but you were nowhere to be found. It was like you’d never even existed. His mind began to cloud, dark and poisonous. 

His first thought was that someone had taken you. That they, whoever they were, had followed the pair of you home one day, found out where he lived, and taken you as collateral. He began to dial Sam’s number when he pushed your shared bedroom door open, frowning at the sight before him. 

Your drawer was open, empty of all the things you’d brought over. He shut the door behind him, pushing the bathroom door open to find that even your products in the mirror above the sink and the shower had disappeared. His heart stopped, hands shaking as he deleted Sam’s number to make way for yours. It had rung two times before you picked up. 

“Hello?” 

“Thank god.” His voice was quiet. “Came home and you weren’t here. Thought something had happened.” 

“I um…” You felt horrible, horrible that he had thought you’d been taken. You almost gave in, almost told him the truth. He loved you, and you knew he would be excited. “I-” No, you shook your head, you had to do this for him, for his future. He loved you, and you loved him, which is precisely why you had to do this. “I think we should stop seeing each other.” 

This was his nightmare; this was infinitely worse than someone taking you. That he could fight, he could win; this was uncharted territory. His heart clenched, on the verge of breaking clean in half. “What?” 

“This has been on my mind for some time now.” Lie. “It would be best, for both of us, for your career-” You willed yourself not to cry, not to break from the sound of his voice, more anxious than you’d ever heard him. “I’m sorry, but-”

“Where is this coming from, Doll?” He sounded desperate, broken. A tear ran down your cheek. “Did something happen? Did I-” 

“Bucky.” You cried, the tears you’d tried so hard to hold back breaking free. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.” 

“No.” He shook his head. “I am going to make this harder than it has to be, because I love you."

Bargaining. 

His voice broke, desperate for an explanation. “Just tell me what happened, baby.” 

“I’d like to take the rest of this week off, please.” He would be better off without you, without this whole mess. This was for the best, you tried to convince yourself. “I’ll be back to work next week.” 

“Where are you?” If he could just see you, he would know. He was sure of it; he could read you like an open book. It was for that very reason that you did not want to tell him where you were. 

“I’m-” It was only a matter of time before he found where you were. Hell, he’d had your location in his phone since before you started dating, for safety purposes, of course. You’d laughed when he'd asked, giving him yours in return. It had been sweet, the way he nervously bit his lip. You remembered your cheeks flushing, stomach fluttering at the action.

Now it made you want to cry.

“I’m at my apartment.” 

“Your apartment?” He felt like he was dying, his heart clenching so tightly he thought he was having a heart attack. Maybe he was. You hadn’t been to your apartment in months, spending virtually every waking moment at his place. He’d even persuaded you to move in last week. “Thought you were moving in with me-” 

“Things change, okay?” You snapped, slapping a hand over your mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- to snap like that.” You wiped your face clean of tears. “We were never going to last forever.” Lie number two. “Please, just let me do this.” 

“No.” He shook his head as if you could see him. “I can fix this, we can-” 

“I’ll see you in a week, Congressman.”

True to your word, he hadn’t seen or heard from you all week. The radio silence made him jittery, and he began to lose focus in meetings, his peers growing more and more annoyed by his apparent lack of care regarding the nation’s interest. 

He wished he could tell them that his life turned upside down on a random Tuesday, that the love of his life had left him out of nowhere, but he knew better. 

They wouldn’t care. 

He’d been counting down the days, staring at his door for some form of life, for your familiar frame. 

Your desk was right outside his office, and he often found himself watching you through the glass wall. Now he just stared at nothing, at the empty desk that turned his mood sour. He frowned, dropping his face into his hands, wallowing in misery.

“Congressman?” 

His heart skipped, head whipping up. “Ms. Clark.”

You hadn’t wanted to go back to work, but you couldn’t just quit over the phone. 

Or at least, that’s what you told yourself. You could have, probably should have, but your heart craved him, your eyes had to see him once more. 

Then you could hand in your resignation letter. 

You waved hello to the office as you walked toward your desk, almost laughing to yourself at the sight before you. There sat Bucky Barnes, in all his glory, with his head in his hands. If this were normal circumstances, if you hadn’t just broken up with him and were planning on moving across the country, you would have laughed. 

You draped your coat over the back of your chair, pulling your resignation letter out of your bag. “Congressman?” You cleared your throat, heart thumping hard against your chest.

“Ms. Clark.” His head whipped up, eyes wide as he stared at you. “You’re back.” 

“I am.” You reminded yourself that you were in the office and thus had to behave professionally. Placing the letter in front of him, you mustered up the weakest smile known to man. “Here is my resignation letter.” 

“Resignation letter?” Bucky rubbed his eyes, like you weren’t real, a figment of his imagination. “Ms. Clark-” 

“Thank you.” You whispered, not having the strength to look at him any longer. “For understanding.” 

“Wait just a second-” He stood up, practically racing toward the door to shut it before you could leave. “Don’t thank me for understanding.” His cologne threatened to overpower your senses. “Don’t thank me because I don’t understand.” He looked miserable, hands twitching like he was forcing himself not to touch you. “You haven’t given me any real reason.”

“Bucky.” Your voice was like a warning, a plea not to escalate things.

He didn’t happen to care, because he couldn’t let you go. Not without a fight, or at the very least, a reason for your sudden end of an otherwise happy relationship. 

He whispered your name so faintly you could have sworn he’d never said it. “I can’t let you go.” 

“This is highly inappropriate. We are at work, anyone could walk in at-” 

“I don’t care.” He hissed. “I love you? Do you know how much I love you?” 

“Of course I do.” You whispered, scared of someone overhearing. “And I- I loved-” 

“Bullshit.” He shook his head, refusing to believe it. “We were happy. You were happy. You told me you loved me that morning. What happened in nine hours?” 

“If there’s nothing else you need…” You straightened your posture. “I’ll be just outside.” 

“I need you.” He said it like it was a fact, like it was certain, etched in stone since the beginning of time. “You might not need me, but I need you.” 

Oh, how you wanted to correct him. You needed him like air, like the very oxygen that filled your lungs. You’d been in love with him for so long that you’d forgotten what it had been like before him. “Congressman-” 

“Don’t.” He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t hear you reject him one more time. Not when he knew that you still loved him. He knew it, even if you didn’t. “That will be all.” 

“Fine.” You nodded, turning on your heels like you hadn’t just broken his heart. Like you hadn’t just broken your own heart.

Depression.

You were actively fighting through it, fighting against crumbling into ash and letting the Earth swallow you whole. You’d been to a total of two doctors’ appointments, and even that had done nothing to improve your mood. 

If anything, it made it worse, knowing that Bucky would never be there, holding your hand and whispering sweet nothings in your ear. He would never see her first steps, her playing in the front yard, her first dance recital. 

And that was fine, because he would be doing great things, he would be changing the world. 

You didn’t even know if it was a girl or a boy. You had a feeling that it was a girl; your feeling was more of a wish than intuition. You’d always known you’d have a girl; it was something that had been part of you for as long as you’d loved playing with dolls. 

Your hand fell to your stomach, caressing it gently as you whispered. “Hello, my darling.” It was too early to tell if it was a boy or a girl, too early for kicking, too early for most things. 

You felt crazy when you talked to your baby; it wasn’t like she (or he) could hear you or show you that it could. “You’re going to be so loved, so deeply loved.” 

The bed in your apartment was comfortable, but you missed your bed, the one you’d been sleeping in for almost a year. Bucky’s bed. You missed his smell, his warmth. You slept in the one shirt he’d left over here every night, pretending as if nothing had gone wrong, that you hadn’t broken the one thing that kept you sane. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” You whispered again, eyes tearing up as you thought of him. “I miss your father.” 

Only two more days until you leave DC. 

Technically, one and a half. 

It felt surreal. You’d come here with such big dreams, and now, here you were, leaving with your tail tucked between your legs.

It was fine, not everyone was made for this life. 

You thought you had been. 

You’d already put a down payment on a modest house in a small town somewhere in Pennsylvania. It was pale blue, with three bedrooms, two stories, and it took everything in your savings. 

The front yard was perfect for playing in, for growing up. The large oak tree that shaded the house was perfect for climbing, even a tire swing. 

Maybe this was it, acceptance. 

It felt like it, in some horribly strange way. You’d finally reached the last stage of grief, of mourning your past life.

Mourning your great love. 

The office was relatively quiet, a nice reprieve from a normally chaotic environment. You’d decided to make the most of your last two days to finally organize the file system, hopefully enough so that his next executive assistant had an easier time finding things than you had. 

You wondered as you flipped through a folder labeled ‘The Superhero Support Act’ if he and his next assistant would fall in love, if she would make him forget about the pain you’d caused. 

You hoped she did; he deserved happiness.

By noon, you’d already organized all the digital files, your desk, and Bucky’s office. It was time for the white whale - the file closet.

It was dingy in here, the one hanging light doing nothing to brighten the space. You groaned, knowing that this would take longer than you thought. The files were dusty; they had obviously been neglected since the invention of the computer. Deciding to organize the files chronologically, you began your last mission.

 “Thought I’d find you here.” 

You cursed at the sky, wishing that Bucky would just leave before either of you said something you’d regret. You continued to face away from him, still sorting through the files as diligently as before. “Just doing my job.” 

“Mhm.” You imagined he was leaning against the doorway, looking as handsome as always, his jacket unbuttoned. “I see that.” He didn’t speak for a while, simply watching you organize. You wished he would leave once more. 

Wishes, apparently, are not granted on Capitol Hill. 

“I love you.” 

You squeezed your eyes shut. “Congressman-” 

“Don’t call me that.” He frowned. “C’mon, Doll-” 

“Don’t.” You stood up, finally facing him. “We are at work.” He raised an eyebrow, stepping forward and letting the door fall shut. Your eyes widened, and you stepped forward, trying to open it. “If someone finds us in here-” 

“What will they do?” Bucky laughed. “You're leaving, as you love to remind me.”

“Why are you being so difficult?” 

“Funny.” He took in your face, trying to memorize it before you left. “I was about to ask you the same thing.” 

“Stop looking at me like that.” You whispered.

“Like what?” He whispered back.

“Like you still love me.” 

“Of course I still love you.” He scoffed, following after you as you walked backwards, desperate to put distance between the two of you. “I’ll always love you.” 

Your eyes welled. “You don’t mean that.” 

“Stop telling me what I mean.” 

Your back hit the file shelf, gasping. “I-” 

He was barely a breath away from you, eyes darting toward your lips. “When will you understand that I love you? That I’m here, and I’m not leaving. That I’ve loved you since you walked into my campaign office, all frazzled, barking out orders?” His hand came up to your cheek, wiping away the tears that had fallen against your will. “That I wake up in the middle of the night, and the first thing I do is look over to make sure you’re still there, that you’re breathing, that you're real?”

“Bucky-” You were sobbing, fighting every instinct that screamed to let him in, to tell him the truth. “Stop.” Every time he spoke, it softened your resolve, made you want to tell him what you’d been carrying by yourself. 

He shook his head, leaning his forehead against yours. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m not going to leave you alone. I know you love me, I know-” 

You place one hand over his mouth, the other on his chest. “It’s for the best, trust me. You said you love me, so just let me do this. Let me do this for you.” 

He raised an eyebrow, delicately peeling your hand away from his mouth. “Do what? What’s going on, baby?” He grew more and more worried every second you sobbed, every second you refused to open up to him. “Did someone-” 

“No.” You shook your head. “No, it’s nothing like that. Bucky, I love you so much-” 

He grinned, a glimmer of hope breaking through his otherwise melancholy face. “I love you too-” 

“But this is for your own good.” Both of your hands were on his chest, pushing him away like he was temptation itself. “You’re meant to do great things, and you can do those, but I can’t be the person who slows you down.” 

“Is that why you broke up with me?” He laughed. “I appreciate you looking out for me, really I do, but you can’t make that decision for me.” 

“Too late.” You cried, his shirt wrinkling under your hold. “It’s too late.” 

“No, it’s not.” He shook his head, his hands holding your face like it was precious. If you had asked him, it was. “You’re scaring me, baby. What’s got you so upset? Talk to me.” 

“I- I can’t-” 

“You can-” 

“You don’t get it-” You sobbed. “I-” 

“C’mon, Doll.” His lips brushed against yours as he spoke. “I’m right here.”

“I’m pregnant, alright?” You sobbed. “There you go, there it is.” He staggered back, staring at you in disbelief. You felt jittery, manic with fear from his reaction, or lack of reaction. “I’m sorry, I just-” You hugged yourself, rambling as you tried to explain the reasoning behind your decision.

“I found out after you left for work, and I-I couldn’t live with myself if I slowed you down. You’re amazing, you’re really making a change for these people. And I’m so proud of you, so so proud. You’re my finest achievement, and I-I couldn’t see it all go to waste. I knew if I told you, you’d drop everything, and I couldn’t have that. Because you care too much, and it scares me. It’s horrifying how much you love me. I’m not used to it. You’re supposed to be more selfish, you have to be more selfish, especially in this-” 

You tilted your head, glaring at the man in front of you. “Are you even listening?” He had that same glazed-over look in his eye, still staring in disbelief. “Are you serious? I know I messed up, but the least you could do is say something.” Bucky slowly walked back toward you, like a predator stalking its prey. “I’m sorry, I really am. Just please, say something, say anything-” You gasped when his arm snaked around your waist, pulling you carefully into his hold. “Bucky-”

His lips dove to yours, your eyes fluttering shut as your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. He grinned, your teeth momentarily clashing, neither of you wanting to let up. Your knees weakened, glad that he had an arm around your waist, holding you up with ease. “We can’t-” 

“Are you sure?” He pulled back, breath heaving as he spoke. “Are you sure that you’re pregnant?” 

You nodded, smiling timidly. “Eight weeks yesterday.” 

“Eight weeks?” His eyes welled with tears as he stared at your stomach. “Oh, baby…” 

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered. “I didn’t want to-” 

“I love you.” He grinned, peppering kisses all over your face, your laughter bubbling in waves as you squirmed under his attack of affection. “I love you so much, and I-” He fidgeted with something in his pocket. “This is horrible timing, I know that.” 

“What?” Your heart dropped as he lowered himself onto one knee. “Bucky-” 

“Before you say anything, just let me get this out, and then you can scold me or kiss me, whatever you want.” He smiled, pulling out a small velvet box. “I’ve been trying to find the right time to say this, and now seems as good a time as any.” The ring inside was old, simple, but elegant all the same. “This is my mother’s ring. Rebecca still had it.”

“Bucky-” 

“I want to marry you. So badly it hurts. Marry me, and I swear you’ll be happy as long as you live.”  

“You know my answer is yes.” You cried, leaning down to kiss him. “A million times, yes.” 

He smiled, placing the ring on your finger. “Thank god. If you tried to leave again i was just going to blurt it out, and I didn’t think that-” 

“This is perfect. You’re perfect.” You grinned, staring at the ring as he stood up. “I’m sorry.” 

“No need to apologize, Doll.” He kissed the back of your hand, smiling when he saw his mother’s ring. “I do have one request.” 

“Yeah?” You raised an eyebrow. “And what’s that?” 

“Next time you’re pregnant…” Your heart skipped at the way he so casually said ‘next time,’ like it was inevitable. “Tell me before you do anything rash.” 

You nodded, reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind his ear. “Sounds reasonable enough.”

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[howi99]

From the Nest 25

Jaune: *looking at the date* ... *Sigh* Only two weeks left until my death.

Nora: What's wrong, fearsome leader?

Jaune: *double take* Fearsome?

Nora: *shrug* You did scare Cardin shitless and you're kind of intimidating when you're angry... I mean, not to me, but you get the idea.

Jaune: ... *Blink* Fair enough. *Rub his chin* And to answer your question, i need to prepare myself for the apocalypse.

Nora: *giggle* Yeesh, that bad?

Jaune: *sigh* You remember Vernal? The girl i saved when i was seven?

Nora: Oh yeah! She's your best friend, right?

Jaune: ... *Sigh, dragging his hand down his face* She confessed her love to me in a letter just before she left for Haven... *Rubbing his eyes* Where i was supposed to join her.

Nora: ... *horrified* THAT'S NOT GOOD!!! THAT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL!!!

Jaune: *sigh, hitting his head on the wall slowly* I know...

Nora: And what's your answer!?

Jaune: *groan* I don't know... She's like a sister to me, even more so than my actual sisters. *Hit his head again* But it's not like i don't feel anything more. *Hit his head again* But i also don't want to lose what we already have, you know?

Nora: (... Uh, so that's what it looks like from the outside.) Yeah, i think i understand it well.

_ meanwhile _

Vernal: *walking aimlessly in Vale, completely lost* (Sun, you stupid CUNT! Where the hell are you!?) *kick a can of coke inside a trashcan, nailing it* Tsk... *Continues to walk, looking more and more annoyed* (It's already bad enough that i've followed you on that boat, but then you leave me in the middle of nowhere!?) *grit her teeth* (What is it with blond guys abandoning me? Did Jaune didn't come to Haven because i'm just THAT awful?!) *worried* (D-does he hate me?!?) *stomping her foot on the ground* (Damn it, damn it-) *Angrily screaming* DAMN IT, AM I THAT UNBEARABLE!?

Every passerby: *turning their heads towards her in surprise*

Vernal: *flustered* W-What? Never saw someone having a bad day!?

_ after searching Sun for 1h _

Vernal: *sitting on a bench, a long sigh escaping her mouth* I'm lost... And Sun's nowhere to be found! *Pout* I hope he gets arrested and put in police custody. *Mumbling* At least that way i'd be able to find his stupid ass.

???: *overly enthusiastic voice* Salutations~! You seem to be in emotional distress; do you need assistance?

Vernal: *frown, turning her eyes towards the voice, seeing a cute young girl with orange hair smiling at her* Hm?

Penny: *still smiling* You said you were lost and needed to find someone? I can help you, if you want!

Vernal: ... Sorry, but if you want to rob me, you'll need a better tactic than that old trick.

Penny: *looking genuinely confused* Rob you?

Vernal: *sigh* I saw right through you, you don't need to continue acting all innocent and-

Penny: *tilting her head* Why would i rob you?

Vernal: Tsk, i dunno. I'm not the one trying to steal money, am i?

Penny: *looking even more confused* B-but i'm not! I would never steal! *Looking genuinely distressed* I just want to help!

Vernal: *slowly realising that this isn't Mistral and that the girl might, potentially, actually want to help her* ... Wait, you were actually asking me if i needed help?

Penny: *nodding her head energetically* Of course! My father always said that i should help people in need whenever i can!

Vernal: *blink* (... How many golden retrievers are there in this world?! I thought Jaune was unique, but they keep popping up everywhere!) I see...

Penny: *smiling, extending her hand* My name is Penny Polendina and i would be thrilled to assist you in the search of this Sun individual!

Vernal: ... *Shake her hand* You can call me Vernal. *Sigh* But i still have no clue where he could be in the first place...

_ meanwhile _

Sun: *confused by his teammate's absence, after coming back from the convenience store* ... Where did she go?

[harrysfolklore]

buzzcut - blurb

this kinda sucks but it was on my drafts sooo why not, hope you enjoy !

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

//

"I wonder how would I look with my head shaved." Harry randomly said one night both of you were cuddled up in bed.

"Where is that coming from, lovie?" You looked up at him, curious by his sudden statement.

"Dunno, I've never in my almost 30 years of age had a buzzcut," he shrugged, "I feel like It's part of manhood to shave your head at least once."

"Your manhood is just fine," you rolled your eyes with affection and pecked his chin, "But if you want to know how you'd look with no hair, you can always look for those AI pictures your fans have been making lately."

Harry laughed and kissed the crown of your head, leaving the conversation at that and focusing on the romantic comedy movie you picked for the night.

Days passed by and you soon forgot about your conversation and Harry didn't bring up his desire to shave his head again, so when he mentioned that he wanted to get a haircut you assumed that he was getting his usual trim.

Oh boy, were you wrong.

"I want to chop my hair a bit before we head to Vegas." He said a week before your trip, Jeff kept insisting that you needed to see the show he had been working on at the Sphere and you finally agreed.

"That's fine, just don't do anything extreme you know I love the curls." You replied, unaware of what he had up in his sleeve.

"Nothing to worry about, baby." You failed to notice the devilish smile on his face that gave away that he was planning something else.

The following day Harry told you that he was going to Ayae's place to get his haircut, which was weird to you because his hairdresser always came to your house to cut his hair, but you still didn't overthink it too much.

Until you got a text from her that read "Don't kill me or your boyfriend for what he made me do."

Just a minute after you got the text you heard the front door open and your name being called from downstairs.

"H are you home? Ayae texted me but I don't know what she means." You said as you made your way to him, he was standing in your living room, his hair being covered by the hood of his hoodie.

"I cut my hair," he said and a confused frown made its way to your face, "And I'm going to show it to you, but you need to promise me you won't freak."

"Why would I freak? Why are you acting so weird about it?"

Harry only smiled and pulled the hood from his head, revealing that his brand new buzzcut.

You stood in your place for a few minutes before reacting, "Is this some kind of joke?"

"It's not love! I shaved it," he got closer to you, a big smile on his face, “Do you like it?”

“Oh my god! Your hair is really gone! What the fuck, Harry.” You laughed in disbelief, grabbing his face to get a better look at him.

“I told you I wanted to give it a try before my twenties ended, remember?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think you’d actually do it,” you shook your head, “This is crazy! Does Jeff know? Forget about him does your mom know? Oh my god we need to facetime her right now.”

Harry laughed at your rant, “Jeff knows love, he wants to shave his too, and we’ll facetime mum later,” he pecked your lips quickly, “Now wipe that look off your face! You’re looking at me like I’m an alien!”

“This is just so weird, but also such a you thing to do,” you pecked his lips back, “Your fans are going to be absolutely nuts about this.”

“Lord, that’s what i’m dreading the most.”

A week later you and Harry were standing in the crowd of U2's concert at the Las Vegas Sphere, surrounded by friends and other concertgoers.

Somehow Harry's new look gave him a little more privacy, since the world didn't know that his signature brown curls were gone and he could go unnoticed sometimes.

"You've been busted." You said as you noticed a phone camera filming the both of you, Harry was standing behind you with his hand protectively gripping your neck.

"What, love?" He asked, making you discretely point at the person with the camera.

"Well, I guess the madness stars now."

A day later, pictures and videos of Harry's new haircut flooded the internet, making his fans go crazy once again.

taglist: @lightsoutstyles @willowpains @straightontilmornin n @sleutherclaw @gimsaysay @hazzassmirk @platinumbarbie143 @musicforcinemas @celesteblack08 @scntfrhs @eleanordaisy @lomlolivia a @iceebabies @iloveshawn @be-with-me-so-happily @watermelonsugacry @rayisthehoe @drewrry

[changingplumbob]

Day Sixteen - Kara Group 2/2

Evie is happy to see that the date for today is at a small park, nice and quiet.

Deanna: When you were a kid did you enjoy school?

Evelyn: I'd say so! Once I got to high school was when I started worrying about fitting in and all that. But when I was a young kid, we could all just play around without caring about much else

Deanna: Right! Like there wasn't worrying about being cringe or awkward, everyone just played

Evelyn: And read! There were so many great books when I was a kid

Deanna: When you were little did you have a dream job?

Evelyn: I wanted to be a librarian. I think a small part of me still wants to, actually. As a kid, I wanted to be just like them since they were so kind to me. Now.. I think it'd be nice to help kids the same way those librarians helped me

Deanna: That sounds nice, you're definitely in the right degree for it

Evelyn: Did you have a dream job?

Deanna: I wanted to be a pirate

Evelyn: Aww, how cute! Growing up in the city, I was always so curious about the beach and water. I definitely get the appeal of being a pirate, but I'd probably get too homesick haha

Deanna: Same! I love my family, did not think it through

Evelyn: My family is great, I'm lucky

Deanna: Any particular childhood memories with them?

Evelyn: My brother Avery was in the hospital once, and when he got out, my dad excused us all from school for a day at Myshuno Meadows. It was just so much fun spending time with my whole family. It's not a particularly special memory, I dunno, but I remember it as a really happy day

Deanna: I have some days in my memory like that. Nothing world shattering happened sure, but you got to spend time with the people who loved you

After the date we head back to the villa where it is once again skill time! Will contestants focus on short term needs or play the long game with their study choices?

Mariela and Sarah both chose to focus on comedy, using the computers to research and improve their joking skills. Arista figured it was time to learn some logic and read a book on the subject. Nicola decided to look in to rock climbing for future saftey, while Evie focused on the wider umbrella skill of fitness. Kennedy had a go at one of those new flashy video games, they didn't have many of those on the ranch.

While contestants are busy Deanna works on grilling a treat for dinner. Time to see how she felt the date went.

Devin: De! What's for dinner

Deanna: Ribs

Devin: Nice. How did you find the date went today

Deanna: Yeah, not too bad. I had a lot of fun chatting with Evie and getting to know her. She seemed a little tense about the park being a new public place but I think she handled it well

Devin (voiceover): How was it

Evelyn (voiceover): I had a really good time *blushes* adoring Deanna for sure

Evelyn also became our first contestant to max out the friendship bar! More details later about how this will be rewarded in a way that still leaves her room to improve and benefit from other interactions.

Rather than heading to the dinning room for dinner contestants are asked to put on their active clothes and head out. They arrive at the local spa where they are greeted by Deanna and... someone else.

Deanna: Thanks for coming everyone. I know that this round must have been stressful. Meeting new people, competing, trying to decide if I'm worth staying for. That's why we're here with my best friend Reece, this guy. He is an outdoors loving genius with a desire to spread zen so he's going to lead us through a guided meditation

Reece: Hello. I look forward to meeting you all properly later. For now follow me to the meditation garden. It's outside but in the shade so we won't need to worry about sunburn

Reece led the group through a meditation, successfully lowering heart rates and ensuring everyone was in a good mood for the rest of the evening. Before going in the spa however, one more surprise. Deanna had grilled up a picnic for everyone!

Ribs it was! A nice grilled meal before a proper relax. Deanna divided her time. Initially she sat at the table talking with Kennedy, Arista and Mariela. Halfway through she moved to the stacks of pillows to chat with the rest of the group. Everyone seemed in good spirits.

Heading in to the spa everyone got a face mask! They were assigned to either relax in the sauna, relax in a massage chair or get a proper massage as their first activity. Autonomy was toggled on full from the moment the meditation ended so contestants had some time to chat or further pamper themselves. Remember, if they do not win a date from the upcoming cast challenge then this will be their last opportunity to talk to Deanna before the commencement ceremony. Reece is also around but friendship gained with him will not be judged.

Nicola and Sarah both started off with massages! For an unkonwn reason when Sarah spun in to a robe her hair changed, but fear not. After the massage it went back to normal. Kennedy, Mariela, Evie and Deanna relaxed in the massage chairs first, letting their worries slip away. Arista spent her time waiting for a massage talking to Reece, finding him pretty funny. When Kennedy was finished in her chair she found Arista attempting to order a drink, but unfortunately the bartender was leaving…

While Sarah practised yoga the other contestants headed downstairs to chat and speculate about what the whole cast day might be. Mariela and Arista shared a special hug, bonding over how much the lighting did not favor their complexions. Overall I think this group enjoyed their time together, we'll have to wait and see if any of them share a group next time.

@abbysimsfun, @ashubii, @pixeldistractions, @ravingsockmonkey, @sanitysims, @sleepyselkiesims

[mywordstovictor]

I’m sick of people hating on allies. Let them come to pride. Let their queer friends drag them along in queer spaces for moral support or just because they’re a fun time. The cishet who loves their queer friends with their whole heart could probably benefit from being around some queer joy too, right now. Let the people who worry about us in on some of the fun parts so they know that sometimes we’re ok. I dunno sometimes I talk to that cis person who’s around trans folks as much as I am, who’s thoroughly versed in the culture, and it heals my heart a little that the divide just doesn’t seem to exist beyond a handful of community norms. I, a socially awkward, like chatting with the straight boyfriend at his first queer event because we’re both outsiders and he’s usually genuinely curious about what’s going on around him and if that’s not an opening for an infodump I don’t know what is.

I don’t mean Deborah from work who put a pride flag sticker on her computer and called herself ally of the year, I mean Harold, who’ll travel two hours for a protest in another town, who’s more or less the full time chauffeur for his bi daughter and all her little queer friends, whose house is where little trans boys ship their first binder so their parents don’t find out. Beatrice, who’s been giving politicians who aren’t doing enough a piece of her mind since the 70s. Hailey, who’s the butt of token straight jokes in all her friend groups and laughs along but checks in after with a few close friends that she’s actually ok to be there and she’s not intruding, who comes to take pride in knowing how to be there for her queer buddies. Spencer, who’s so fluent in queer culture he’s sure to wear an ally pin when he tags along to pride because no one expects straight guys to know those references and it gives the wrong idea that he does. Cis queers who gravitate toward the trans crowd at events and shut down anything even remotely terfy they catch in the broader community with a vengeance.

Plus, people don’t listen to us like they do cishet folks who speak up for us. Even if we ignore how chill allies usually are and that’s it’s generally just fun to have them around and that leaving it open to allies is also leaving it open to questioning queer people it’s a horrible strategic move to be assholes to them. When straight folks want to fight with us, we need to let them in enough that they can learn how. Ideally, we let them see into the worlds of the people they’re fighting for and celebrate the wins with us.

I know we’re all scared right now and straight people feel unsafe, but separatism is not good for us as individuals or as a community. As a community, we need allies to make progress. It’s a numbers game. As individuals, it’s good for us to see that there are cishet folks who don’t hate us. It’s important to have kind people around to remind us that it’s not us against everybody else. And it’s important to have people around who remind us that we’re not fundamentally so inherently different a divide is inevitable. And I dunno the lady in the ‘I ❤️ my trans grandchild’ shirt last year was really sweet and I still think about her when I start to feel hopeless.

[dragons-in-spaceee]

Welcome to my over the top breakdown of every scrap of information I can find on the phm trailer :)👍 This is just me rambling for a few hundred words so yeah I dunno what I’m talking about really, just having loads of fun coming up with ideas! Also I’m VERY bad at remembering the specifics of books so I might’ve gotten some of the comparisons with the book wrong!! Feel free to correct me or add anything!

First of all: PICTURES!!!

We’ve got a bunch from Gosling’s speech about the film, handily with a couple of stills from the film in the background. The ones used in articles have Grace in the front with Stratt maybe next to him?? Not sure about that. These pictures are another reason for me to be soooo excited about Grace’s design in the film because oh my goshhhhhh look at his wee glasses and curly hair it’s so perfect to me. Also good to see a bit of variety in his outfits with something more chill (just a t shirt and overshirt here, which I think suits him so well) than the outfits he was wearing in the behind the scenes pictures leaked where he’s wearing that big yellow jacket with a suit and tie underneath.

Other picture here is from @saturn-is-sick and I am absolutely batshit insane about this photo because oh my god literally everything is perfect look at ittttttt!!!! The outfit is absolutely EVERYTHING TO ME because AUGH it’s sooooo Grace I love it. The glasses hanging off his head is so cute and silly as well <333 But ofc the best thing in this image is the SPACESHIP DESIGN?!?!!? I was genuinely so so worried they would make the interior of the hail mary all shiny led futuristic Blue Glow screens (y know the kind) but this is so Apollo/Shuttle era or Star Trek style buttons and glowing lights it’s so so cute and soooo exactly the vibe I think really fits. I think I also just really love how warm toned that whole image is. Our warm boy Gracie <3333

Okay now digging into the trailer itself!! This description is coming from this article here, and I’ll intersperse with random things I’ve picked up from other articles and reviews.

“In the footage, we meet Ryan Gosling as Ryland Grace, a college professor at what appears to be a rather small school. A woman named Eva (Sandra Hüller) comes into his classroom and asks him if he wrote a specific paper. He says he did, but he was fired for it. Well, it seems, his theories could be useful because the rumors everyone has heard on Earth are true. The Sun is dying. He’s whisked off by Eva to help.”

I like the idea that he’s at a small school in the beginning. It was never really implied otherwise but I like them sticking with the “he’s just some guy” vibes. Though he’s defo a teacher not a professor.

All of this seems very accurate to the book so far, and I feel this description implies the vibes of the book remain the same as well!!

There is one thing that concerns me a little, which is some confusion surrounding what Grace’s theories were? This summary doesn’t really imply anything other than what’s in the book, but in the two separate YouTube videos I watched giving a run down of the trailer, they described his theories as predicting the Sun was dimming before anyone noticed? I wonder if the trailer just accidentally implies that or leaves it a bit ambiguous, making people think that’s what his original work was on. It does just make me wonder though, because nothing I’ve read or watched about the trailer mentions the Petrova line, and there’s so much more focus on ‘the Sun is dying!!!’.

““This is Project Hail Mary,” Eva says as she and Ryland enter a massive room filled with very smart-looking people.”

Nice, all matching up so far, although I didn’t think they named/came up with the actual project till later? I thought when Grace was first recruited it was just a bunch of scientists across the world and not an actual coalesced plan yet.

“Later, Eva explains that the sun isn’t the only star that’s dying. Many stars are all showing a pattern of infection across the universe, except one. A plan is in place, but Ryland almost can’t believe it so he lays it out. It involves near-light-speed travel that doesn’t exist and travelling so many miles the astronauts will never make it home. He’s told it’s that or the entire world dies. “Who is gonna sign up for that?” Ryland asks. And everyone is quiet, staring at him. He can’t believe it. He’s not an astronaut, but Eva says they say they don’t need an astronaut, they need an expert. “I put the ‘not’ In astronaut,” he says. “You have the right stuff, but I have the wrong stuff.””

So this takes place “later”, where now they’ve found out about other stars and Tau Ceti, and the Hail Mary mission is first coming together. All sounds good and faithful to the book.

It’s this conversation after Grace lays out the mission where I’m… confused at best, and worried at worst. Grace appears to be told from the start that he is being recruited to be one of the astronauts???? I thought the whole point of the book was that he was being manipulated by Stratt, that he thought he was just a scientific adviser until the very end, at which point he felt to betrayed to be led along like that. Grace is very much not the first choice on the list of astronaut candidates anyway, where’s Shapiro and our other astronauts??? I’m not giving up hope about this, given just how many reviews of the trailer have been raving about its accuracy to the book, but this would be an insanely major thing to change, so even the possibility worries me a little.

“As you can guess, Ryland goes into space anyway. There are some super cool images of the ship in a deep, dark nothing. He wakes up out of a sleep with a big beard. We see him doing a bunch of weird stuff on the ship. He floats into space for a second. Eventually, the ship enters a shimmering pink area and, on the other side, we see another spaceship.”

Okay so these scenes sound soooo awesome oh my goshhhh!!!!! I looove the sound of “deep, dark nothing”! That really conveys what space is actually like to me, and emphasises just how HUGE the distance he’s travelling is!!! I love the idea that they’re really hitting that home. The “shimmering pink area” is intriguing, I wonder if it’s just the effect from the light of the star, or some of the Petrova light? Shoutout to Grace’s beard also haha!!! It’s gonna be so cool to see how much his appearance changes throughout the film!

“This other ship looks like it’s almost made out of wood. Very thin, sharp pieces of wood, all stacked on top of each other.”

I’ve heard other sources raving about Rocky’s ship design as well so apparently it looks amazing. It certainly sounds really cool, and I love how truly alien it feels.

“It slows down next to Ryland’s ship. Out shoots a small cylinder. Ryland freaks out that the ship is sending him something. He thinks it’s a bomb but, when it just bounces off his ship, he realizes it’s a message. We see the ships connect and Ryland go into the alien ship, which is much more biological than Ryland’s. “Anybody home?” he asks as he drops in a light. But then the light comes back. He gets to a window at the end of the tunnel and a two-fingered hand touches the window.”

Classic Grace moments here, very much his attitude and style. The fact that Rocky’s ship is “much more biological than Ryland’s” is so so so cool!!! I can’t wait to see the two side by side, I bet it’s going to show as such a vast contrast, which is such a cool way of showing that - this is first contact with another species from another planet!!! Two-fingered hand is weird though - I thought Rocky had three?

“Cut to Ryland doing a video. “So, I met an alien,” he says. “And he’s growing on me. Not in me, which was at one point a concern.” There are a few more shots of Ryland seemingly working with the alien though we don’t see it, and that’s that.””

So now we find out how they’re going to translate all his internal monologue to something for the big screen - the same video logs that Mark Watney did in The Martian. Do feel that’s copying his style a bit but honestly there’s no other way to do it and it still makes for a very fun format. Plus, since at some point Grace I’ll have Rocky to converse with, the video monologues will probably take a back seat. Also some good old Gracie humour there hah!

Some other notes from various other articles:

Basically everywhere is super hyped about it, saying it’s really faithful to the story and the vibes of the book. There’s been so much talk of it being “the scifi film of 2026”, and even someone speculating about Oscar winnings already?! If you just watch a couple of the YouTube videos on it (which is like, the most filmbro content I’ve ever watched in my life, but they’re actually not bad), people just seem soooooo excited about it and I’m totally feeding off that energy!!!! It genuinely just feels so exciting and wonderful to be surrounded by so many good reviews and so much anticipation.

Gosling described it as “ambitious”, and that it’s made for the big screen, not just watching it at home on the telly. The ambitious thing makes me a little nervous but I think it’s probably just a testament to how faithful they have tried to be to the book, and how much this kind of film really has never been done before. I personally cannot WAIT to see it in cinemas!!!! Imagine what an experience that will be!!!!

The trailer is apparently set to “Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles, which when I started listening to it, seemed a bit overdramatic for the phm vibe, but I actually think it really fits the vibe at the end of the book? Where Grace and Rocky are just throwing everything they possibly can at this mission to save their species - that kind of desperation and reckless hope and determination. Something like that anyway. I do wonder what the actual film soundtrack will be like. One of the directors commented a while back that fans of the Martian film will love project hail mary, and for me, what really makes the Martian is the use of the music. It’s part of the human nature of it all to me - Mark is stuck in this awful situation but he still dances and listens to music, and it’s really upbeat and happy in the face of his situation. Obviously with Rocky however, I don’t know if they’ll have Grace listen to music? What would that sound like to Rocky? I don’t know if they’ll work it in somehow, because I’m not sure how they would retain the magic that the Martian has without some banging tunes.

Anywayyy I think that’s well enough rambling from me, the main takeaway I think is that everyone seems really hyped about the trailer, so think this is going to be good!!!!!!

[awkward-walking-potato]

I'm not really sure if this req is your kinda thing? Plz feel free to ignore if it's not! Established relationship with Remy, and then there's a multiverse event and f!Remy is also hanging around and good god she's hot and she starts flirting with you and gay panik?

Every Gambit Wants Me

In a world where the multiverse was becoming more and more unpredictable, you were used to seeing strange things. Hanging out with Remy LeBeau, had its perks, but it also came with its fair share of surprises—particularly when it came to multiverse travel.

It had been another one of those accidental jumps through realities, and you and Gambit landed in a world that felt familiar...but slightly off. The streets of New Orleans had the same smell of gumbo and smoke, the same jazz lingering in the air, but something was different. You glanced at Remy, his red eyes glowing slightly under the streetlights, and he flashed you one of those charming, roguish grins.

"Dis ain't home, chérie," he said in his smooth Cajun drawl. "But I reckon we gon' make the best of it, non?"

You laughed softly, used to his easy charm by now. "Yeah, well, let's just hope this version of New Orleans doesn't have anything too crazy in store."

Before Remy could respond, a figure approached from the shadows. Your eyes widened in surprise. She looked exactly like him—the same mischievous eyes, the same tousled brown hair falling in front of her face—but this version of Gambit...was a woman.

"Well, well, well," she said, her voice dripping with the same sultry accent as Gambit's. "What do we have here?"

The female Remy circled the two of you, her eyes lingering a little too long on you. "Ain't every day a girl gets to meet someone from a different universe... especially someone as lovely as you." She smirked, her gaze heated as she stopped in front of you. "Seems I got myself an upgrade from my usual company."

Gambit stiffened beside you but didn't interrupt. He was intrigued, just as much as you were. Female Gambit leaned in closer, her breath hot against your ear.

"You know," she whispered, "I could show you a real good time. Better than any man ever could. Ain't nobody knows you like me, sugar. You like what you see?"

You felt your cheeks heat up, her proximity setting your nerves on fire. She was undeniably attractive, and that confidence—that you recognized from your Gambit. But she had an extra layer of boldness, not held back by the same reservations. You opened your mouth to say something, but she kept going, brushing a hand across your arm.

"Let me guess. You’re with him, ain't ya?" she teased, gesturing toward your Gambit. "But I bet you’ve wondered what it’d be like...with someone who knows how you like it. Someone who's you, but different."

Your Gambit chuckled lowly behind you. "Careful, mon chérie. She might be prettier, but I ain't one to be outdone."

Female Remy shot him a smirk, leaning in even closer to you. "I dunno about that, sugar. You might like this version better."

Your heart was racing, torn between the two Gambits. There was something thrilling about this version of him—the flirtation, the danger, the electricity in the air.

"Don't worry," Gambit said, stepping up beside you with a grin that matched hers. "Ain't no jealousy here. I know what you like." His hand came up to gently tilt your chin toward him. "You could take her up on it...but even in dis multiverse, every Gambit’s got eyes for you. She’s just like me."

Female Remy laughed softly, her eyes dancing between you and your Gambit. "He's not wrong, you know. Every version of us is obsessed with you, sugar." She winked. "But if you ever wanna see just how different I can be, you know where to find me."

She gave one last flirtatious smile before walking off into the shadows, leaving you standing there, still caught between two versions of the same man. You turned to your Gambit, his expression a mix of amusement and satisfaction.

"Guess you really do have a type," you said, feeling the heat from the encounter still lingering.

Remy wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you close. "Cherie, there's only one of me for you, no matter how many multiverses we end up in. But I can’t blame her for trying—every version of me knows a good thing when they see it."

You couldn’t help but smile. After all, no matter how many versions of Gambit there were, the one right in front of you was the one you’d choose, every time.

[unlikelyjapan]

s2e9 rewatch notes (part 1)

Omelette - I'm hoping I can pull through and finish this rewatch in its entirety before I leave on vacation. While the analysis is fun, the actual act of watching the show feels very masochistic vs. last season, which I must have watched a dozen times.

The-not-sexy-sex-scene: It's interesting that the credits start to roll on a black backdrop before we even get the blue-hued (read: frozen) sex scene, and its set to a song that was written about a death/funeral (The Day the World Went Away by NIN).

As a bit of context, Trent Reznor's grandmother (who raised him after his parents flaked out) died right before the release of The Fragile, and this song was thought to be written as a reflection of her funeral. I know they didn't include any lyrics in the scene (that would be too on-the-nose for a director that delights in subterfuge), but in no world is this a happy or lustful track - it's frail, wistful, and entirely about something (someone) that has been lost.

There's some laughter in there, if you squint, but it's mostly intense and needy glances replete with swinging chain for the feral audiences sake. The stark/open "little death" eyes at the end (as Claire is presumably sleeping ) punctuate the scene UNTIL....

.....Sydney is buttoning up her coat (i.e. getting frigging dressed) in the very next beat, frustration in her voice as she notices the stains on her whites (God, is this a sheets parallel?) .

This is hot on the trail of her getting undressed (revealing her 3 of swords tattoo) at the end of s2e7 as Carmy and Claire make out in the split montage, which is the only reason I'm thankful this was released as a binge series this year.

There's not much more to elaborate on here that hasn't been discussed in this brilliant analysis by @belassima- the classic "getting dressed after a sexual encounter" trope turned on its head. We don't see Claire again until friends & family, and this is wholly on purpose. I'm suing Christopher Storer for damages after the series finale.

Syd and her Dad have such an enviable synergy - but you can tell she's over leaning on him as her "person". He's checking in on her stomach (foreshadowing the dumpster scene) and acts as her lone hype man. "I don't know how you do what you do, but I am excited".

Emmanuel - "I never want you to feel like you have to make everything the thing."

a.k.a - "You know, there are other fish in the sea."

Sydney - "Why can't we put everything we have into everything that we can"

a.k.a - "I want to funnel everything into catching this one - this is a borrowed quote from my soulmate business partner."

Emmanuel - "Baby, if that's true, then why put so much pressure on this one?"

a.k.a - "What is the reason/what is so particularly special about this fresh hell you've been subjecting yourself to?"

Sydney - "Because.....I don't know if I could do another one"

Ok - more nuance is required here. According to Syd hivemind, the answers range from "Syd's been burned in a relationship/partnership before", "Syd also has Lupus", or purely "Syd has failed too many times and is scared". We still don't know enough about her past, but I tend to look at this through a strictly fearful/nihilistic prism - she feels like she can't take any more heartache (along with the physical and financial ramifications) from another crash-and-burn endeavor.

But Emmanuel's worried eyes tell a bigger story after she delivers this line, so.....I dunno! I hope S3 covers this understanding gap in a big way.

Strange Currencies playing overhead of the city, taking us to the ally where Carmy is having THE panic attack. I transcribed every image he cycles through while the song plays backwards:

*Sex scene of Carmy staring down expressionless at Claire in bed, Claire leaning down to kiss Carmy.

*An old picture of Claire staring straight ahead, a Sweet 16 birthday picture of her sticking out her tongue in a tiara, one of Carmy's drawing of her with glasses from class. Cut to a flash of Claires face with a wry smile in sepia lighting, followed by another one that is similar but almost taunting. These sepia images get creepier as the panic attack escalates, but also more focused.

*Another drawing of Claire smiling with glasses with Mikey's voice echoing in the background "the motherfucking glasses came off!"

*Another old picture of Claire smiling without glasses, followed by another.

*Mikey and Richie and another "the motherfucking glasses came off!" soundbite.

*Drawing of Claire in glasses again for a brief flash, followed by Carmy and Claires first kiss at The Bear.

*"Carm, this is a good thing" with Stevie, as Carmy crumples to the ground in the ally.

*Claire up-close in sepia sort of half-wistful/half-scruitinizing Carmy

*Donna screaming "fuck you" and Mikey braying at the dinner table, Lee reacting, a dish smashing.

*Sepia Claire turning and smiling to the camera.

*More braying and fuck-you's from Mikey and Lee

*Just Claire's eyes in Sepia-mode, staring across at him with a joker-esque smile as the braying and swearing and fighting continues.

*Donna screaming "are you motherfuckers okay!?"

*The drawings of The Bear in Mikey's hands, him looking up affectionately at Carmy.

*Donna slapping Carmy - Carmy looks up in the ally as if something has slapped him out of it.

Donna and Mikey summon Sydney after this - Mikey with the acknowledgment of his dream (The Bear) and an ounce of brutality from Donna (as in: how dare you care about me, Carmen). These two figures, engines of chaos and trauma, steer him towards Sydney's first words to him.

"Hi, Hello..."

*Strange currencies - "These words* You were the most excellent CDC at the most excellent restaurant in the entire United States of America. What are you doing here I guess?" *you will be mine. You will be mine all the time*

I....I don't understand how the panic attack is ambiguous for people off of this site. I don't understand why it's not noted in reviews and think pieces. I don't understand why otherwise smart people put forth simplistic narratives like "Carmen just needs to make peace with his family" or "he fumbled Claire, his shot at happiness." I just don't understand.

Sydney passing Verdana "Now fool might be my middle name" as she stares down at the sign saying they will be permanently closed May 1st - along with the instrumentals, a clock ticks in the background. A flash of Nilah's face is interspersed, smiling back at her. "But I'd be foolish not to say..."

If this is an ellipse to a "Carmy loves Syd, Syd is fully gay" moment in later seasons, I'll be pretty disappointed since that would be a too-easy way to shut things down.

On first viewing, I took it as "Syd sees herself in Nilah" - she aspires to be her, Nilah gave her forewarning about partnerships that aren't official, Nilah was empowered, optimistic, and in control....and Nilah has not succeeded, highlighting Sydney's anxieties about failure at the same time Carmy is cycling through his own debris.

But the song lyrics are ambiguous, and everything is on purpose, and god damn I hate what fan theories have done to my mind.

Anyone catch that on the F&F menu listed on the whiteboard (as Natalie enters to sit with Carmy) the course of Seven Fishes is followed by the Bolognese? The feast was followed by the meal he prepared for Claire being served at friends and family? Yeah, I did.

The mother father painting - I feel like everyone was riffing on this during the earlier part of the week. The absolution of the mother due to the absent father. Syd being the mother (present) and Carmy being the father (absent). Donna (alive) vs. Mikey (dead). The idea of family haunting the dining room. The idea that this painting in the restaurant supplants what is trying to be built (found family). I suppose the parallels are endless here.

It's also just a truly shitty painting, a gauche reminder of Carmy's absence/inattentiveness.

"What exactly is a ServSafe certificate"?

Carmy was most definitely deflecting, he's a well-venerated chef. There are moments of inconsistency in the show that I let slide (giardiniera a la minute? bitch please) but there had to be a reason for this - his fatigue, his guilt, his inattentiveness reaching a breaking point.

Once he says "I'm fine on mom" Natalie sees it all coming to a head.

Sydney stickering her little Coach K vision board as she arrives for her shift. I just realized she doesn't really start paying attention to the book (a dorky 'go get 'em' gift from her Dad) until Carmy ditches her at Kasama. Coach K exists in the leadership void left by Carmy - it seems so sad to watch her pre-game by bejeweling a picture of a middle-aged man, but that sad pseudo-prayer card is the closest thing she's got to a north star right now.

Also, she's been fixated on and extolling the virtues of Coach K to Carmy all season and is met with....complete incuriosity, I guess? He never prods further, even when he sees her making this dinky thing for her station. It's almost like he knows, on a subconscious level, that this guy is supplanting him as Syd's guide.

But it's also her finding her own voice through advanced mentorship, which is great.

Carmy pointing at those aforementioned stains, Syd undressing in front of him, Carmy making plans to dress her again, them mutually deciding to dress in matching clothes until service. I cannot guys, I cannot.

Carmy getting spit-roasted for his deflection from Nat & Syd ("I know you just missed him *eyeroll*" "Do you have a phone these days?") - I feel like he's so under fire/exposed that he doesn't even recognize of the gravitas of the "I need your focus like you need mine" comment at first.

"What's your relationship with your mom like?" This scene has been discussed to death on here, I don't really have any new insights as it relates to Carmy/Syd and their maternal links or timing. I think the part that hasn't been explored much is Carmy's frustration with Nat which is thinly veiled as concern.

We saw in Fishes that Mikey and Carmy (and Donna) blame Nat for provoking bad behavior with her concern and neediness. Carmy says "she's expecting a miracle" like she's the sole sibling that enabled their mother. By way of Donna's disease and (I presume) unwillingness to seek help, the Berzatto kids really only had two options - enable by pacifying, or GTFO.

Mikey could be as atrocious as Donna. Donna is atrocious. Carmy played soothe-sayer and then left at 18. Natalie tries to cultivate some sense of family - the same family Carmy pays homage to via his restaurant, his menu, his girlfriend, Richie, his endless self-flagellation - but is resented for her own wayward attempts, even though they're very explicit expressions of love (sometimes) and longing (always). There's some really gnarly projection happening there that I expect will rear its head more in S3 between the two of them.

Cue Carmy being a douche to New Noise (although I love that little moment where he cock-blocks Connor, the new chef, and Tina smiles to herself a little).

Tina's been working tirelessly alongside Sydney and asks "Carmen, do you even have a phone?" as Syd tells him the contractor for the shelving called him eleventy-thousand times. There is a lot of emasculation happening on his own restaurant floor (formerly The Beef, the temple of gross masculinity) between the trifecta of Syd/Nat/Tina this episode, and it's only ratcheting up the defensiveness - his excuses and deflections fall flat, but he's not listening or learning yet.

Marcus' dessert check, (with Syd and Carmen looking like a panel of matchy-matchy top chef judges on the other side of the table):

Sydney is looking at Carmy with affection as Marcus receives a package from Denmark (whereas Carmen doesn't even react) - it's the second time she's looked at him like that in the conversation (the first being "workshopping the name") but it's been a long while since she's projected admiration his way. She sees how much he's done for Marcus in cultivating the whole customized Copenhagen experience for him, she sees his service, she sees her values humbly and quietly executed by him.

The Michael 😭 followed by the silence and "You can throw down, huh?" - what a perfect moment of TV.

I'm pausing here for tonight before my grammar falls apart (if it hasn't already), I'll unpack the rest tomorrow.

[fipindustries]

a gay romantic comedy

because its the genre of movie i most grew up with my brain cant stop coming up with ideas for all family romantic comedies and one specific idea wont leave my brain: a straight guy who realizes he is gay. So now that im bed ridden with some mysterious illness ill take the time to get into it.

Warning: this gets stupid long.

Now you have to understand, the specific genre im thinking of is mid 2000s romantic comedy, so this straight guy, he is like aggresively heteronormative. He is kind of doofy, a little douchey but with a heart of gold. He is scott pilgrim. He is the type of guy that could have been played by paul rudd or ben stiller or seth rogen, right?

The movie starts with him going through a breakup with a girl, she complains that he never pays her attention, he never shows affection because he is too lost in his world of videogames and pot and, oh btw, he is lousy in bed. She storms off and he can barely muster the energy to call her back. He seems despondent but also kind of relieved.

So he goes to hang out with his stoner friends to lick gis wounds, and these guys are like the prototypical douchebags, james franco is tgere, jonah hill is there, fucking matthew lillard is there. And they are laughing it off and trying to tell him that he should "totally forget that bitch dude, there is always fresh pussy". They also take the chance to make fun of him a little for all his previois short lived failed relationships with women.

And then one of the whips out a gay porn because he claims "one of the actors there totally looks like jonah dude, is like really fucked up" and our protagonist, lets call him paul, is like, "aw i dunno guys, i dont think i want to watch this, i never watched gay porn before" and we cut to a series of flashbacks where he was raised by hilariously catholic parents who told him if he ever masturbated his fand would catch gangreene.

But they ignore him and put on the movie and first of all the actor does not look at all like jonah, at most they both have a jewfro, second as the scene goes on and the guys are laughing their asses off and going on about how "gross" and "fucked up" it is and can you believe some people are into this shit? Paul is slowly realizibg that, oh fuck, this is actually doing it for him. So he tries to disimulate and act normal but he is swea12ting and he clearly has a boner and is breathing hard and one of the guys asks "hey are you ok?" And he says some quick excuse to run out.

We cut to him running down the streets of downtown at night and he is freaking out because wherever he sees he sees hots guys in billboards and construction workers that look really buff and maybe he collides against a freddy mercury impersonator who offers him a hand when he falls to the ground that he rejects as he runs back to his apartment.

Once he is there he tries to prove to himself that he is definetly not gay so he tries to watch a normal straight porn but as it goes on he realizes he is looking at the guy not the girl. Then he sees his room is filled with posters of rambo and silvester stallone and he tears them down and its all a hilariously over the top breakdown. He flushes is macho action figures down the toilet, he tries to throw away his wolverine comics, at one point he is about to throw a vhs of chuck norris out the window but hen he realizes he just cant do it and collapses on the groubd crying

Next day he wakes up in the middle of his kitchen by the banging of the door, it is the one positive female influence he has in his life, his sister, who heard what happened and wants to see if he is ok.

He is like "im not ok" and he goes on about how he has "big news, terrible, terrible news" and he makes a huge deal out of it and the sister (played by, lets say, meg ryan) is like really worried and he finally is like "im gay!!! :((((("

And the sister is like "thats it?" And he is like "what do you mean thats it!?"

And then she completly deflates the tension and gives a speech about how its [current year] and its totally normal to be gay now a days and starts listing a bunch of celebrities that ard out and proud. So this calms him down a little and she goes on to say that this is actually a great opportunity for him, he just discovered there is a whole new flavor of ice cream he can enjoy and all the new doors this opens and is basically the speech the therapist gives to mel gibson in "what women want" and paul starts realizibg this could actually be an interesting experiment. What finally seals the deal is the sister saying "you know how you always had a hard time with girls? Well imagine now how much easier it should be for you to be with guys"

So then we go on to a montage of the guy exploring his new identity, maybe a shopping sequence where he tries a bunch of stereotipical gay outfits where his sister shakes her head at every single one. He goes to watch broadway shows, we see him watching will and grace or the ellen show. And finally the big one, he goes to a gay bar.

He is uncomfortable at first because he has no idea of the culture or the scene. Maybe he hits it off with a bunch of dudes, eventually he relaxes and starts to have fun. By the end of the night he walks off with like party hats and novelty glasses and confetti but, oh no! He comes across his douchy friends!

They ask him what is going on and "why is he dressed like a fag" and paul is stuttering, freezing in front of the headlights, not knowing what to say when a big dude we dont recognize walks in and he is like "hey! You forgot your acting check, for the short film you just acted in (wink wink)" and he bails paul in front of his friends. The friends walk off satisfied and paul is thanking the buff guy profusely and the guy is like "dont worry about it, after all, us fags have to stick together"

By the way the guy is none other than hugh jackman.

They immediatly hit it off. Its a meet cute. They have chemistry and a lot of fun. We get to another sequence of paul trying to figure out how to date a guy after years of only dating girls. He brings him flowers and chocolates, he tries to open the door for him at restaurants and pay for the check. At this hugh explain he doesnt have to treat him like a girl and insists on splitting the check. So then paul, wracking his brain for ideas for dates tries to invite him to a romantic comedy but hugh is like "actually i like to go see underground wrestling".

This opens a new set of funny highjinks were they are there watching the show and maybe paul gets dragged into the fight because this is a funny comedy world where wrestling is real. And there are lots of funny slapstick and hugh rescues him and carries him off in a reference to the movie "the bodyguard".

There are other funny scenes we can do like them going to pride parade or maybe paul and hugh coming across the catholic parents and through a series of misunderstandings and wordgames (maybe encouraged by paul to stay in the closet) the parents think hugh is like a roomate or a coworker "we share a room, we sleep in bunkbeds, uh, hugh likes to be the top [rimshot]"

Then finally comes the big moment. They are in bed together, they are making out, things are getting really steamy and hugh starts making advances to take paul's pants off. Maybe, agains because of misunderstandings, hugh thinks pauls wants to bottom and then the last remains of pauls heteronormativity kick in and he freaks out. He pushes hugh off, makes a huge scene. Maybe says some hurtful things, hugh is clearly upset at this and starts talking about how he is tired of paul hiding him or whatever. Its a huge fight. Paul storms off.

We have out obligatory sequence before the third act where our protagonists sulks and reflects on his choices and he is back to hanging out with his stoner friends who are saying a bunch of homophobic jokes and how things are "totally gay" and "dude that is so fucking gay" and maybe they are at the park jeering at a lesbian couple. And the paul decides he had enough and finds the courage to stand up to his friends.

He starts by telling them to cut it off with the homo jokes and calling bad things gay all the times and what is wrong with being gay anyway? And his friends are like "what are you? Gay?"

And he proudly says "yes, i am"

And his friends are all shocked into silence.

" now if you excuse me, i have to apologize with my boyfriend"

And then he runs off, and maybe the lesbians he defended yell "go get it white boy!"

So he has to run across the city to find his boyfriend, and the pop rock song swells in the background.

Now hugh is probably at a big event like an art gallery or a baseball game or maybe at an airport. The point is that is a big space with a big crowd, maybe for extra points pauls parents are there as well.

So paul comes in and does a big emotional gesture where he apologizes to hugh in front of everyone and he loudly comes out of the closet in front of all of new york (because of cpurse this happens in new york, in fact fuck it, its christmass too). And there is a big applause and he kisses hugh in front of everyone and maybe the mother comically faints.

And then hugh is like, really touched, but also there was no need to do this whole scene. "Paul, im a switch"

We cut to an epilogue years later where they are getting married in central park, and everyone is there. The sister is crying of happyness, the parents are lightly clapping through gritted teeth, the stoner friends are actually there and they are cheering and hollering and doing a big ruckus.

Hugh throws the bouquet of flowers and maybe jonah hill grabs it and he looks around and, why the fuck not, there is the gay porn star that sort of looks like him and he winks.

Our happy couple rides off into the sunset. The end.

Depending on how edgy we want to be we can have scenes of them doing hardcore gay sex during the credits, otherwise just a scene of both of them in bed after the sex, we get one last chance for our actors to improv some funny lines while "you get what you give" by the new radicals plays over the credits.

The end

[iwritewhump]

"We have to go back and save them! They'd do the same for us!" + taken hostage + dragmarks

day twenty-two of whumptember

1763 words

warnings: cursing, vague discussions of growing up with an abusive guardian, being taken hostage, implied drugging

~

Villain knocks on Hero’s door, a small smile on his face and bags in his hands. Hero opens the door and pulls him inside. She slams the door after him and holds his shoulders. “You weren’t followed?” 

He shakes his head and ducks out from under her. “I wasn’t. Promise.” 

She sighs and nods, “Of course you weren’t. I just…I worry about Supervillain.” 

“Me too,” Villain says, shifting his weight. He clears his throat and swings his bags at his side, “Is there somewhere you want me to put these?” 

“Oh!” Hero says, covering her face with her hands. “Of course! I completely forgot to clear out the guest room so you can set them in there as long as you don’t judge me for the mess. Sidekick is in there too but he’s not staying the night, that’s just where he keeps his stuff.” 

Nodding, Villain smiles and leans to look down the hallway, “Is it the one at the end or…”

“Right! Sorry, it’s a bit of a circus here right now. Superhero’s been working on this big huge thing and he’s making my life a living hell because he comes up with the “big idea” and I have to figure out how it actually works out.” she runs a hand through her hair and sputters, “It’s the second door on the right.” 

Villain forces a smile and walks down the hallway to the second door on the right. 

Light shines through the cracks of the closed door so Villain knocks. He turns the handle and pushes the door open just enough to peek inside. 

“Sidekick?” He asks, reaching his hand through the crack. “Hero told me I could put my stuff in here, can I come in?” 

The door opens the rest of the way and Sidekick smiles widely, “Sure thing! Just put it somewhere over there, I try to keep my stuff on this half of the room so just stay out of it, yeah?” 

He looks at Villain and raises his eyebrows, expecting a response. Villain nods and walks over to his side of the room before setting his bags down. He falls back on the bed and stares at the ceiling and exhales deeply. 

Sidekick lays down next to him and sighs, “Whatcha thinkin’ about?” 

“Oh, you know. I abandoned the person who raised me for the people she despises most in the entire world.” he taps his thumb on his chest and frowns, “I guess I wish I left a note or something. Just to tell her why I left.” 

Sidekick nods and turns his head to look at Sidekick. He bites his cheek and opens his mouth to say something, then closes it. He takes a deep breath and knits his brows together, “Why did you leave?” 

“I dunno, I guess…” Villain looks up and shrugs. “I guess I finally realized that she didn’t actually take care of me. And that the majority of my childhood was abusive and she’s been using me my entire life. But that’s just…” he shrugs again and looks at Sidekick. “Can that stay between us actually? I don’t really want Hero to know about that.” 

Sidekick nods and hesitantly takes Villain’s hand in his, ignoring the crushing weight in his head telling him not to. Villain lets him take his hand, so he squeezes it tightly and pulls it onto his chest over his heart. 

They lay there for a few minutes, hand in hand over heart, until Hero knocks on the door and walks in. They both shoot up from the bed and Sidekick scurries to his desk. Hero tilts her head and shoots Villain a knowing smile before speaking. “Superhero will be over in a few minutes. Did Sidekick tell you the plan?” 

Shaking his head, Villain unzips one of his bags and takes out a granola bar, “No, we were-” 

He cuts himself off by taking a bite and shakes his head again. “No, he didn’t tell me the plan.”

Hero nods and leans against the desk, “Maybe he can do that then?” 

“Sure thing!” Sidekick says, fiddling with something from his desk. “We’ll come out when Superhero gets here.” 

Hero smiles forcefully and turns around. She stops in the doorway and smiles cheekily, “Let’s keep this open from now on, yeah?” 

Villain’s face goes red and he turns away from her. He finishes his granola bar and slides down the wall with his hands over his face. 

“Oh. My. God.” Sidekick says, chuckling. “What the fuck just happened?” 

Villain falls into a fit of laughter and waves Sidekick over to him. “I think it’s something we can ignore until after we get this plan over with?” 

Sidekick nods. “But maybe we can still…” he trails off but holds his hand out on his leg, an open invitation for Villain to take. Smiling, Villain wraps his fingers with Sidekick’s and pulls his hand into his lap. “So the plan is for you to distract Supervillain while Superhero and Hero sneak up on her from the back. I’ll be with them but really just in case they need a third pair of hands. Which I hope they don’t because I’d love to do this again.” 

He smiles and squeezes Villain’s hand. Villain smiles back and stands up. He walks to the door, still holding Sidekick’s hand and finds his way back to the entryway. 

Superhero is already there, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets. He pushes off the wall and walks up to Villain. His eyes narrow and his nose almost touches Villain’s forehead. 

“You’re not working for her, are you?” he whispers. 

A shiver runs down Villain’s spine and all he can bring himself to do for a response is to shake his head. Superhero takes a moment, his breath hot on Villain’s face, before pulling away. He nods and claps Villain on the shoulder. 

“It’s nice to have you on the team!” 

Hero makes herself known and clears her throat, “Now that we’re all here I think it’s time we get going. Villain, you can get us to her house?” 

Villain blinks a few times, unaware of that being one of his tasks. “Uh, yeah. I can do that.” 

“Good. Because that’s the only way we’re taking her down.” She walks past him and bumps his shoulder. Pausing right after, she whispers, “Don’t fuck it up.” 

She opens the door and ushers everyone out the door, “Let’s go! We’ve got a Supervillain to defeat!” 

~

“Ok, this is the spot,” Villain says, unbuckling his seatbelt. He pushes up from his seat and puts his hand on the handle as Hero parks. Sidekick reaches over and puts his hand on Villain’s arm, trying to be comforting. Villain tilts his head so his chin rests on Sidekick’s hand. He almost smiles and gets out of the car. 

Just before he slams the car door, he says, “I’ll leave the door open. Give me a minute then you can come in.” 

On the walk up to the door, Villain’s heart starts to race. His hands get sweaty and his breathing speeds up. He shakes his shoulders and exhales sharply, pushing the anxiety down. 

“Supervillain!” He shouts, opening the door. “I’m home!” 

He can hear her running up the basement stairs. She skids into the entryway and throws her arms around Villain. She puts her chin in the crook of his neck and inhales deeply, “I was so worried about you! You left your phone here so I couldn’t track you and you didn’t leave a note saying when you’d be back!” 

She pulls back from him and holds his shoulders. She shakes him harshly and smacks him, “What were you thinking just leaving like that? You know the rules!” 

He swallows thickly and looks at the ground. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” 

“That much is clear.” She scoffs. 

Villain turns her around so her back faces the door right as Hero pushes it open. 

The door creaks and Hero freezes, eyes wide. She pulls back and presses against the outside wall, praying Villain can cover it. 

“What was that?” Superhero hisses from the other side of the doorframe. 

Hero presses a finger to her mouth and shakes her head. She mimes opening the door and opens her mouth just enough to make a faint creaking noise. Superhero nods and takes a step away from the door just as it opens. 

Supervillain peers around the corner of the doorframe and gasps, “Villain the wind brought us some visitors and a squeaky door!” 

She snaps her fingers and Henchman walks onto the porch, Sidekick’s limp body held close against her. Villain’s face turns pale and his heart drops. 

“You knew?” he breathes. 

Supervillain rolls her eyes and shoves him out of the house. “Of course I fucking knew. Your betrayal was very obvious.” 

Sidekick’s head moves and he moans weakly. Henchman’s grip on him tightens and he whimpers. “Well, that’s our cue.” Supervillain says. She waves Henchman into the house and slams the door. The deadbolt turns and Villain throws himself against the house. 

Hero and Superhero watch as he bangs against the door, shaking the wreath on the front of it.  They share a look and each grab one of his arms. They start to pull him back and Villain screams. 

He wails, “We have to save him! She’ll kill him! She’ll ruin him and she’ll hurt him and she’ll kill him! We have to save him from her!” 

Hero wraps her other arm around him and squeezes him tightly, “We will. But right now we need to go and come up with a good plan that’ll actually work. This was half baked at best and Supervillain knew it.” 

Villain shakes his head and kicks his feet, trying to land one on either one of them. Superhero wraps a huge hand around Villain’s arm and lifts him into the air. 

“It’s time to go,” He spits. 

Villain shuts down, he stops fighting and lets the pair drag him back to the car. Hero opens the door for him and he gets put in the backseat as she starts the car. 

Superhero leans over him and clicks the seatbelt. He lingers and sighs. “I didn’t want to leave him either. But he’s tough, he’ll be fine.” 

Villain doesn’t have it in him to scoff. He closes his eyes and draws his legs up to his chest. “It doesn’t matter how tough he is. She’ll beat it out of him. Whatever we end up doing…it better be fast.”

[the-broken-pen]

Quotes from my job that nobody asked for but i find amusement from:

“Are you….upselling me tiramisu…in this college dining hall?”

“I dunno, is it working?”

“Uh…”

“How could you possibly not trust me, an individual who directly profits from your purchases, on if the tiramisu is good?”

“Wait, you get a commission?”

“Oh, god no. But isn’t it fun to imagine a world where i do?”

“Haha yeah. In the two minutes you went on break *coworker* spilled half of an industrial sized tray of pasta on the floor. In calling it Mount Pasta, since none of us can find a broom. Just walk around the mound…”

“Oh hey they posted a sign saying im one of the best workers since i never call out of my shifts. I’m being manipulated by corporate but it’s nice to feel special.”

“Sorry the machine is shitting itself kind of continuously right now. I think i have to promise it my first born child. *to the machine* listen. Please stop gaslighting people into believing their student card has no money on it. It’s not nice. *to the people* ok swipe again—yay it worked!! Good i fr did not want to try blood sacrifice next.”

“Are you talking about blood sacrifice with the customers again—“

“I am the only one who can get this register to function and I think we need to respect the methods i have to use to ensure it continues to do so.”

Chef: “you just sneezed and almost managed to give yourself a concussion on this cart as i rolled behind you. Don’t do that. I’d feel so bad.”

Me: “oh don’t worry about it. Fourth times a charm.”

Chef: “every time you say things I get more concerned, which I wasn’t sure I could do anymore. Nice to be surprised at least.”

Friend: “you can’t just me mean to the customers—“

Me: “im not being mean. I’m snarky. And sometimes sarcastic. *to the customer who I have spoken to for a max of ten seconds* Do you feel bullied, bestie?”

Friend: “you can’t just call the customers bestie, either”

Me: “do you see the way she treats me. Do you see my working conditions. Abhorrent. I won’t recover from this betrayal.”

Customer: “she can call me bestie…”

“Oh haha no. I haven’t had a fully formed thought about anything other than breadsticks in two hours. This isn’t *nickname* this is *full name* who is my alter ego and is known as Dining Hall Barbie. This Barbie is good at food service and talking to customers!”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Yeah sorry besties I don’t know why the lights turned off. Y’all can just chill in the darkness together while you wait in line. Hold hands if you get scared!”

“Is there not a light switch…”

“If you can find one you can press it and we can discover what it goes to together!”

“Darkness it is.”

“Does anyone here NOT want Alfredo sauce. We ran out again. You want red sauce?? Excellent. Superb. The chosen ones may ascend to the front of the line—“

“Wait wait wait I have the sauce!”

“That’s rough. You’ve been unchosen. Go back to your places.”

“Why did you gain a southern accent when talking to that customer who had a southern accent?”

“I did what now?”

“….it wasn’t on purpose?”

“….no. No it was not. But I am a military brat so it’s not surprising.”

Customer: “I like your name!”

Me: “omg thank you!”

Friend: “people never compliment my name.”

Me, unsympathetic: “should have told your parents to name you better”

“Wow. Things are really turning around! Full 360.”

“Isn’t it…like a 180….”

“Why do you question the things I say?”

“Why do you say questionable things?”

“Idk let me know if you find the answer.”

“One day im going to eat shit on this flooring and when I do just leave me there.”

“That’s an OSHA violation I think.”

“Bitch we almost got shut down and had to be babysat by a health inspector for like a month. We’ve got OSHA blocked and changed the locks. There is nothing safe here.”

Me, to new coworker: “alright so you’re going to want to drink as much soda as you can while working. It’s free. You’re not actually going to cause any sort of financial dent for corporate but it’s fun to try.”

New coworker: “gotta fight the man.”

Me: “*friend*! You’ve been replaced. This one gets me on a spiritual level”

Friend: “finally. I’m free.”

Customer: what kind of meat is in the meatballs

Coworker: uh I don’t actually know—

Me: I know! It’s all of them.

Customer: all of—

Me: all of them. Don’t ask why. I don’t know.

“Did you see that. I thought he was going to attack me *referring to coworker*”

Customer: I thought so too. Lemme know if you need backup to fight him. Gimme a call and I gotchu

Me: “I think we can take him together”

Chef: who are you attacking?

Me: oh *coworker* moved quickly and I thought he was going to murder me because I said it was quiet and then we got busy.

Chef: I’ve got money on *coworker*

Me: that’s so not nice

Coworker: you regularly come up with plans to murder me. Or have me die in a horrible accident so we have to close early. Or kill me—

Me: but are you dead? No? Aw poor baby did the five foot four girl scare you?

Chef: …..my money’s on her now.

[somberauthor]

so i was looking at your ‘what i write for’ list and saw helluva boss and nobody has asked you for any(to my knowledge), and i kinda want to change that. Could you maybe do an Octavia one where reader shares music with her? it would be platonic, and maybe you could make it kinda angst-y???(if you’re comfortable with that of course!!).

I'M SO SORRY FOR LIKE... NOT POSTING FOR A WHILE (I do that a lot and it's kinda not good chat...) I'm here now though, and I'm on summer break so I SHOULD be able to like... get through all of my requests now. BUT YEAH PLS ENJOY MY PROJECTION ONTO OCTAVIA!!!

You had been friends with Octavia for a while now. Neither of you could remember how at this point, you just spawned in each others lives one day and you two just couldn't be separated. You two had just met up at your house, talking about non-important things.

You both just stopped talking as you closed the door to your room, the silence quickly becoming unnerving. You cleared your throat as you went to your laptop, listening to Octavia shuffle onto the bed. There was a lot of teenage awkward tension in the air, and no matter how good of friends you two may have been, Teenage awkwardness never leaves until graduation.

''What music do you like listening to?'' you had asked this question many times before but she'd just respond with a shrug and just a simple ''rocks cool, but i dunno.''. This time was different though.

''I like the band Fuck You Dad. It's kinda... Metal-ish? I'm not sure what genre it would fall into other than metal.'' She shrugged, leaning up. The tension was still in the air due to the silence of no one moving, but it was lifting with every sound made.

''You want me to put the band on? I'll show you some of my favorites after if you'd like.'' You spoke, looking for the band's account on your favorite music platform.

''Sure. Put on the song My World Is Burning Down Around Me.'' She fiddled with her sleeve, seeming almost uncharacteristically afraid to say the title. I mean, it certainly was a title. It almost made you worried about her, but you'd rather just listen to the music before making yourself worried over something so little as music. You've thought for so long that you've found the song and your cursor is just... hovering over it. You found it almost a minute ago, and now the computers just getting antsy.

You click on the play button, letting the song begin and rush out of your speakers. She definitely wasn't lying when she said it was metal. You queue up some of your sad songs, so she didn't have to be the only vulnerable one. Once you finished up with the queue, you went and sat down next to her. You two spoke occasionally, the both of you much more focused on the music than simple conversation.

Once the song ended, a different song began, one that you happened to relate deeply to. You looked at her, sudden fear struck you. It was about the issues with your parents, and the fact your mother was a raging asshole. You looked over at Octavia, making sure she didn't seem bored or seem worried or upset. She seemed lost in thought, you just looked around.

''Y'know... I've never heard this song, what is it called?'' She looked over at you, snapping herself out of whatever trance had caught her attention. You jump ever so slightly at her voice. You answer her with a smile, looking over at her.

''Why do you ask?'' You ask, a quizzical expression carved on your face.

''I... I relate to it.'' Your eyes widen slightly, she had the same struggle? Nice. Or uh. Not nice?

''Same. You really need to catch me up on the Octavia Lore.'' You chuckle, earning a snicker from the owl next to you.

''Yeah like I'm the one who's secretive about my mom.'' It's true she complained as things were happening but... She had never told you about her childhood with her mother.

''Well... uh... hush.'' You chuckled once again, all the tension and anxiety melting away all at once with a single smile.

You two were gonna be inseparable for as long as you two knew each other.

[tenebris-lux]

The Way of Kings had a letter asking for help against Rayse (Odium). Words of Radiance had the response. I’m still not clear on who that was.

But Oathbringer had THREE responses, I presume to similar letters as the first.

(SPOILERS for bigger cosmere stuff, Mistborn, Oathbringer, and Dawnshard.)

Letter 1

Dearest Cephandrius,

I received your communication, of course.

I noticed its arrival immediately, just as I noticed your many intrusions into my land.

You think yourself so clever, but my eyes are not those of some petty noble, to be clouded by a false nose and some dirt on the cheeks.

You mustn’t worry yourself about Rayse. It is a pity about Aona and Skai, but they were foolish—violating our pact from the very beginning.

Your skills are admirable, but you are merely a man. You had your chance to be more, and refused it.

No good can come of two Shards settling in one location. It was agreed that we would not interfere with one another, and it disappoints me that so few of the Shards have kept to this original agreement.

As for Uli Da, it was obvious from the outset that she was going to be a problem. Good riddance.

Regardless, this is not your concern. You turned your back on divinity. If Rayse becomes and issue, he will be dealt with.

And so will you.

It’s tricky for me to guess who wrote this one, but my guess is Autonomy, mainly because of these lines from Khriss in Arcanum Unbounded:

That fits in with the “many intrusions into my land.” However, it contradicts her behavior in Mistborn Era 2, where she was trying to expand into Scadrial, thus interfering with Harmony. That’s the main reason I’m not confident, but the clip above also says that Autonomy is very hypocritical.

That’s just my best guess with my limited knowledge. I’m not completely sold that it’s her. She does interfere with other Shards, but it’d be funny if the lines here are just part of her hypocrisy.

We didn’t see the letter “Cephandrius” wrote, so this is the only mention I’ve seen of “Uli Da.” Here’s my guess:

Also from Arcanum Unbounded.

Letter 2

Cephandrius, bearer of the First Gem,

You must know better than to approach us by relying upon presumption of past relationship.

You have spoken to one who cannot respond. We, instead, will take your communication to us—though we know not how you located us upon this world.

We are indeed intrigued, for we thought it well hidden. Insignificant among our many realms.

As the waves of the sea must continue to surge, so must our will continue resolute.

Alone.

Did you expect anything else from us? We need not suffer the interference of another. Rayse is contained, and we care not for his prison.

Indeed, we admire his initiative. Perhaps if you had approached the correct one of us with your plea, it would have found favorable audience.

But we stand in the sea, pleased with our domains. Leave us alone.

We also instruct that you should not return to Obrodai. We have claimed that world, and a new avatar of our being is beginning to manifest there.

She is young yet, and—as a precaution—she has been instilled with an intense and overpowering dislike of you.

This is all we will say at this time. If you wish more, seek these waters in person and overcome the tests we have created.

Only in this will you earn our respect.

Not much that I can pick up, but that is definitely the Sleepless. Several chapters after the penultimate snippet, we glimpse someone going through some waters with a lot of obstacles, only to encounter the Sleepless stopping her.

Dunno about Obrodai.

Letter 3

Friend,

Your letter is most intriguing, even revelatory.

I would have thought, before attaining my current station, that a deity could not be surprised.

Obviously, this is not true. I can be surprised. I can perhaps even be naive, I think.

I am the least equipped, of all, to aid you in this endeavor. I am finding that the powers I hold are in such conflict that the most simple of actions can be difficult.

I am also made uncertain by your subterfuge. Why have you not made yourself known to me before this? How is it you can hide? Who are you truly, and how do you know so much about Adonalsium?

If you would speak to me further, I request open honesty. Return to my lands, approach my servants, and I will see what I can do for your quest.

Obviously Harmony (Sazed).

[estrellami-1]

Okay my love I’m sending you a sad and pathetic prompt and then a cutesy fluff prompt (I thought about just sending you the cute one, I feel like all I’m doing these last few days is feeling awful and not being very productive or fun to be around and I think I was just wallowing when I wrote that comment so absolutely feel free disregard this one if you want) this is the sad one, I was thinking more hurt/comfort vibes:

This is just basically self insert except it’s not me I’m inserting it’s my situation lol, one of their relatives passes away (not Wayne) and on top of that they have to find homes for their loved ones pets that they loved the most of anything in the world when everyone is just telling them to euthanize or that everywhere is full and they’re four states and 16 hours away from the pets so it’s not like they can go pick them up easily if at all, which causes them to get sick/throw up a ton from the sadness and anxiety about the situation - enter the other who takes care of them to make sure they don’t worry themselves to death (if anyone wants to come take care of me and maybe just give me about 3000 hugs a day we could make this a live action roleplay situation lol🥺)

(Sorry this is just me complaining pretty much, the other prompt will be cuter)

Oh my love, you’re allowed to feel bad and wallow. I’m so sorry this happened/is happening!! I can’t give you any real hugs but I’ll give you ALL the virtual hugs I can ❤️

When the World Ends - Part 1

Steve’s voice is trembling when he finally makes the call to Eddie. “Hey,” he manages, letting out a pathetic, airy laugh at how badly his voice shakes on that one word. “Um. Can. Can you come over?”

Eddie’s amazing, so he says, “I’ll be there in ten,” and he is. As soon as Steve opens the door, he murmurs, “What’s wrong?”

Steve bites his lip, invites Eddie in. “Y’know how I never mention my parents?” Eddie hums. “But I always leave in the spring for a couple weeks?”

Eddie nods. “Your grandparents, right?”

Steve nods. Bites his lip again, looks up at the ceiling, trying not to cry. “Um.” He sniffs. “My grandpa passed today.”

“Oh, Stevie,” Eddie murmurs, reaching for him until Steve shakes his head sharply. “What can I do?”

Steve huffs. “What can anyone do?” He wipes his face and begins to pace. “My grandma’s too old to stay on her own now, let alone with all the animals they’ve got, and of course it’s not like her own son would help, not when he could be in Cabo instead, finding new ways to cheat on my mom with his secretary or assistant or her secretary or who the fuck knows. And I want to help but I can’t leave Hawkins, not when everyone else is still here, and there’s still a chance, but it feels so selfish not to go when she needs me-”

“Steve,” Eddie interrupts softly, hands up between them. “Take a breath, man, it’ll be okay. I know you love your grandparents but this isn’t all on you, okay?”

Steve slumps back into the couch like a puppet whose strings have been cut. Says, barely above a whisper, “I’ve got animals out there.”

Eddie hums softly. “What did you say?”

“Animals. Pets. I can’t have them here so my grandparents have ‘em. I’ve got a dog and chickens and a horse and what ‘m I gonna do with them?”

“We’ll figure it out,” Eddie promises him.

Steve groans and stands up again, beginning to pace again. “They’re four states away, Eddie! I don’t have a horse trailer, I dunno anyone in Hawkins who has chickens so I dunno if that’s even allowed, and I can’t bring my dog here!” He runs a hand through his hair, grimacing. “I guess the horse could go back to the neighbor, but they gave her to me for a reason, and I dunno what’s gonna happen to the chickens, and imma have to give the dog away, too, and get my grandma somewhere she can be taken care of, and fuck, there’s still the house-” he chokes on an inhale and a sob, standing still for a moment before he dashes through the house.

Eddie watches, wide-eyed, and follows when the sound of retching reaches his ears. “Oh, Stevie,” he murmurs, dropping to his knees beside him, hand hovering over his back. “Can I touch you? Rub your back?” Between gasping breaths, Steve nods, so Eddie puts a gentle hand on his back, rubbing up and down. “You’re gonna be okay,” he murmurs. “I know how scary this all seems right now, but you’re the strongest person I know, ‘sides Wayne, and you’ve got people who care about you and who’re gonna be here for you very step of the way, okay?”

The puppeteer cuts the strings once again, and Steve sags sideways into Eddie, trying to regulate his breathing, still quietly choking on his sobs. “Want me to call Birdie?” Eddie asks quietly, moving his hand to wrap his arm around Steve’s shoulders.

Steve shakes his head. Says, between breaths, “She’d panic.”

Eddie hums. “And you wanna be okay for her when she panics.” Steve nods. “Okay, I get that. I’m glad you called me.”

Steve sniffles. Eddie hands him some toilet paper. Says, after he’s blown his nose, “Feels like the world’s ending.”

Eddie thrown back into a memory from months ago. “If the world ends again, you know where I am,” he’d said. He hadn’t been sure, at the time, if Steve would call him. But they stayed friends, to the point where Steve calling him wasn’t quite the rarity it used to be, and Eddie doesn’t think he’s ever felt so honored.

“And you called me,” he murmurs, back in the present day, knees sore from the bathroom tile. He knows they’re going to pop like an old man’s when he stands. He decides not to worry about that right now.

Steve nods. “Knew you’d come.”

“And I did,” Eddie nods. Rubs his hand up and down Steve’s arm. “How’re you feeling?”

Steve sniffs again. “Like shit.”

Eddie lets out a soft chuckle. “I probably should’ve guessed. Ready to get up? Or wanna stay here for a minute?”

“Wanna stay here forever,” he says, but shifts to get up.

He stumbles a little when he stands, hissing. Eddie steadies him. “Legs’re asleep.”

“That’s okay, Stevie, I’ve gotcha. Come rinse your mouth out, m’kay? We’re going back to bed. I’m gonna make a few calls, okay?”

Steve won’t look at him in the mirror. “Gonna leave?”

“Not unless you want me to,” Eddie swears. Steve meets his eyes for a brief second. Shakes his head. “Then I’ll stay until you get sick of me.”

Steve manages a shaky smile. “Not possible.”

Eddie sighs contentedly. “Rinse your mouth out,” he gently reminds him. “Let’s get you up to bed.”

When Steve’s in bed, Eddie turns to leave, then turns back just as quickly when Steve grabs his hand. “You’re not leaving?”

Eddie squeezes his hand. “Not leaving. Just gonna make a quick call.”

“Okay,” Steve whispers, but his breathing picks up again, and Eddie changes his mind.

He bullies his way under the covers next to Steve, pulling him in until his face is tucked into Eddie’s neck and Eddie can rub his back. The call can wait until Steve’s asleep, so he can get back before Steve wakes up.

Steve’s world is ending. That’s every bit as important as the world itself ending. So Eddie resigns himself to stand guard over Steve’s dreams, keeping them happy as best he can.

I hope y’all liked this! The fic tag is the name (“#whentheworldends”) and my writing tag is “#starambles”. Remember I’m NOT doing a taglist for these, so subscribe to either to see where this goes next! Send me an ask with the next thing you want to happen in this fic!

[the-lisechen]

~3k. copia/f!oc. rated gen. local catholic novitiate has dinner with satanic clergyman. it's not a date. (it isn't not a date.) 1/2

(thanks to @enjoy-my-swearing for the banner and the unending support!)

a little throwback for you, now available on tumblr!

say it slow and perfect, chapter 1/2 - ao3

This was a bad idea. 

Sophie had been given the gift of time, a rare occurrence in the lead up to her First Vows, and while Sister Gloria hadn't given her a set date to return to New York, stretching this trip out for another week might be pushing it. Seeing Appalachia-- home-- before she had to leave it to go on mission for an indefinite amount of time, well, that was a gift. That her family had conveniently timed a reunion in the months before her vows was an even greater one. They'd come to terms with her Catholicism, though it had taken some time. In that slew of vaguely defined but strongly believing Baptists, there wasn't a single one of them who would have known what an anchoress was, let alone the name Julian of Norwich. 

That was alright. They had never understood her, but they had always loved her, and that was more than enough. She was blessed, and she knew it, the force of her gratitude staggering if she let herself think about it for too long. 

Still, it was only her cousin she'd told about precisely which band she was going to see while she was in the neighborhood. 

"Hold up. Sophs, you gone go be a nun. Y'all allowed to listen to that? Ain't you gonna have to-- shit, I dunno, confess to your minister or something?"

"Priest, and no, you only have to confess to sins. Baller guitar riffs aren't sins, Lee. Sick tunes are non-denominational. Besides, I'm way more worried your mamma gone find out about it than Sister Gloria. Now pass the blunt. This here I will have to quit on."

That had been that. So she said, and so she believed. Lee had only known about them because he'd been a hardcore kid since they'd learned how to ride bicycles. If anything, he thought it was music for posers. It had been a blip, a nothing, an opportunity to see a damn good live show. A detour. Asheville wasn't so far out of her way, why not go to a concert while she could? So what if maybe she did feel a little weird about seeing a band like that after, it was very far down on her list of priorities in the run up to her vows. 

Six months kicking the tires on the whole idea, circling it like a lost dog creeping towards a campfire, coming to terms with the thought that something that felt so impossibly right could be hers. How she had wept when at last she'd told Sister Gloria that she wanted to begin discernment, when the woman had answered-- "Oh Sophie. You already have." A year in the congregation, and another two and a half in formation. It had been hard going, that first year, adapting to communal life. The structure of it, the routine, that had been a relief so strong it was almost like grieving, but the patience it required did not come naturally to her. And she was always, on some level, going to be angry. That was alright. Anger at the world's injustice was a great gift, she'd been told. And if she could use it in service for the poor, the marginalized, the persecuted-- the least of these-- then she wouldn't turn it away. She was going to need it, on mission. She'd need every tool she could get. 

Put against all of that, a rock show was small potatoes. But following them, putting another five hour drive between her and New York, accepting the personal invitation of a man- no matter how charming and polite- literally sworn to Satan-- that might be unwise. 

Yet here she was, boots thudding against the cobblestones, ducking under the low hanging branch of a live oak sprawling over a brick wall. And it was beautiful, wrought iron balconies, riots of flowers, that stately and sinister antebellum architecture everywhere you looked. Palm trees and salt air. There had been pirates here, once, and in this thick golden light heavy with the scent of jasmine, you could almost believe it. 

She could just dick around Charleston for a little while. Certainly there was enough to occupy her attention. What was she even going to say? It wasn't as if she'd gotten the man's number. No, this was a stupid plan. This wasn't even a plan. 

Fine. If it wasn't a plan, it wouldn't matter if it didn't work. She would give it a shot, see what happened, and when nothing did, she'd sleep in the car and start back for the convent tomorrow. With this comforting thought in her head, she rounded the corner towards the venue, and stepped out into the courtyard of a beautiful neoclassical building, ready for anything. 

It looked like a goth convention holding a picnic. She was instantly charmed. They must have lined up for hours, the lot of them spilled onto the grass, under umbrellas and sharing food and chattering away, lively as blackbirds, and as beautiful. 

They seemed impossibly young to her, a specter of her own teenage years. Even now her wardrobe tended towards the monochromatic, but this exuberance, these ostentatious displays, the defiant declaration of non-conformity-- it was like looking at your high school yearbook. She could have been one of them. Had been one of them. Still was one of them, wasn't she? That didn't go away, not with all the years and all the changes. It was a comforting thought. 

Hard not to feel like something of an anachronism, picking her way through the crowd in her skinny jeans and her faded Huggy Bear t-shirt. Maybe she should have worn black, just to blend in. It wasn't as if she had that much variation in her wardrobe. Too late now. She was what she was. Project confidence. She'd been invited, sent for, even. 

Shoulders back, head up, she found a man with biceps bigger than her head and an earpiece on near the door.  "Sir? Excuse me. The Cardinal asked for me?" She could feel the flesh beside her spine tensing. "Sophia Turner."

The man considered her, dubious. She folded her hands in front of her and smiled her best Nice White Lady smile while he murmured into his headset. He looked up at her with a sharp glance. 

"The Dominican."

Ah. There it was. "That's me." She settled her weight a little more evenly on the balls of her feet. Amiable on top; iron underneath. "The order, not the nationality," she said, her smile bland as it could be. 

"Guess so. Yeah, go on in." Still eyeing her with some suspicion, he opened the door for her. 

"Thank you kindly, sir," she said, in her best redneck drawl, smile bright, as she ducked into the darkened lobby. The air conditioning was a shock after the thick warmth of the outside air, her footsteps echoing on the mosaic tile. It had been a grand old movie theatre, once, stylized murals on the wall depicting some sort of mediterranean seascape, vaguely Egyptian capitals on the columns, gilded molding everywhere. She wandered forward, head craned up to take in what looked to be a pretty decent restoration job, when a voice out of the darkness made her jump. 

"Sister Turner?"

Her choked-off yelp echoed in the cavernous space, and the strangeness of the figure addressing her wasn't exactly conducive to slowing her heart rate. "Excuse me! Ah. Not a sister, not quite yet." Why on earth had one of the backup musicians come to collect her? And already in costume! Strange. "But yes, that's me."

His teeth were very white in the dark. "Very well. If you'll come this way, ma'am?" The man's voice carried strangely in the lobby, but she stepped through the door he held open for her gamely enough. He was very tall, and seemed solid all the way through. An odd smell near him, cool and mineral, like damp stone. She thought of rivers deep in caves, places she'd gone to as a child. Chthonic. A shiver ran through her, and the air conditioning seemed very intense indeed. 

She kept pace with him, a step behind, through the barely-organized chaos of serious people with serious jobs securing last minute adjustments ahead of a major performance. Her head was on a swivel, taking in this completely foreign world. No panic, here, but a crushing sense of urgency, scurrying around with the feverish intensity of a kicked-over ant colony.  She trotted along in the big man's wake, following that strange mineral smell. After several twists, turns, and two stairwells, he deposited her in the wings, stage right. 

She looked up into his insectile goggles as he paused, staring down at her. It was more than a little unsettling. Finally, he spoke. "The Cardinal regrets that he will not have time to meet with you until after the ritual, but you are welcome to watch from here. He said that you may find it edifying." Something in the acoustics gave his words a strange whipsaw buzz, and if she were a less rational person, she might have found it eerie. 

As it was, she could only blink up at him. "Ah. Th--thank you, Mister--?"

He only tilted his head at her, and she got the impression of something that might have been a smile. Then he pressed a water bottle into her hands-- it was startlingly cold-- and receded into the shadows. 

She twisted the cap compulsively, off and back on, off and back on, and settled back to watch. 

And from this perspective, it was difficult to call it anything other than it was-- a ritual was right. Spectacle, yes, and even if it was so far beyond her experience she had to admire the skill of it, projecting to the back seats but playing to his people, the ones right out front that had sat for hours, the painted faces and total exuberance. They loved him, loved them, and he served it right back. He gave them a lewdness that was so exaggerated as to loop right back around to innocent. Fun all the way down to the rumble behind the sternum, and shot through with joy, joy, joy. She was far enough away to observe, knowing full well what it was to be back in that crowd. Maybe not right in front, but that amorphous and livewire energy surged through the whole place, right up to the rafters. Close enough to feel it, and somewhere in there she realized her cheeks were wet with an unconscious enthrallment, the kind of awe she felt for thunderstorms slamming the mountains, for the high arch and hush of medieval cathedrals. 

Hard to deny, joy. 

When it was over, he sauntered back into the wings with the air of a man wrung out and satisfied, as if he had completed a some particularly difficult piece of manual labor, something that required both stamina and craftsmanship. Building a barn, perhaps. Or fucking someone's brains out, her traitor mind supplied. She pushed the thought away as he looked down at a cheap bouquet of roses someone had tossed onstage at the last minute. Carefully, he picked out the note attached with a rubber band and hope, unfolded it, and paused to read. He rocked back on his heels, drawing in a sharp breath. After a moment, he nodded, folded it back up, and tapped it against his other hand while he stared off into the middle distance. He slid it back under the rubber band, and passed the bouquet off to a stage tech. "Please, don't let me lose that one, eh? Thank you."

That bit of business accomplished, he scanned the backstage, and saw her. His face lit up, a flare gun going off at the side of the road in the dark. He pushed it back down, and trotted up to her like a golden retriever. 

"Miss Turner," very formal, even as she saw the sweat on him and practically felt the afterglow coming off of a performance. Off of that performance. he nodded at one of his backup musicians-- ghouls, really? strange-- and made a little gesture at him, an impatient 'give me a minute' sort of motion, before turning back to her. Being under the full force of his regard, even for a moment, was disorienting. "I did not expect the pleasure of your company again." He clasped his hands together and beamed at her, and she couldn't even think of what to say. How could she? She'd seen him on that stage just last night, albeit from far away. It shouldn't have been a surprise. But it was difficult, now, to connect the uninhibited strutting and sheer spectacle of his performance to the man she had walked with the night before. Yet here he was, smiling at her as if he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. "I am very glad that you came."

"Well. I-- you are, still, real good at your job."

"That is very-- oh, all right. Yes. I will be right there. My apologies, Miss Turner, if you would-- I'll be with you shortly, some things to wrap up--" He made to put his hand on her back, to guide her, and stopped short of actually touching her. "Kevin, would you see the lady to the green room?"

"Of course, don't worry about it, you're busy, do your thing, sorry to interrupt, really--" Sheer drivel coming out of her mouth, now, and she couldn't seem to stop it. 

He moved off with one of the ghouls, looking back over his shoulder at her with a nod and a lopsided smile, before turning his full attention to his band mate. And it was his full attention. She watched his focus shift, arms folded, completely present as the ghoul articulated whatever concern he had, she was too far away to quite hear, and the pitch of his voice was-- strange. Those masks. It had to be. Copia put a hand on the ghoul's shoulder, and she could just make out his voice: "--has merit, yes. I will consider it, consider, I am not saying yes now. I will have an answer for you by the next show. Now--" Odd, that she could hear the cardinal but not his musician. Mollified, the ghoul nodded at him and moved off, and Copia turned to the next concern, and--

"Ma'am? If you'll come with me."

"Oh! Yes, of course."

After the man led her through a few more dark corridors, she was ushered in to a well-lit room of whitewashed cinderblocks, with a couple of battered couches and a table full of water bottles, sodas, snacks, a kuerig. She didn't know why she expected a green room to be green-- probably a stupid thought. A little dazed, still, reeling from being that close to that energy, a force almost impersonal in its impact. 

Too nervous to sit, she put her back against a wall in an out of the way corner. She smiled politely at the bustle of stage hands, technicians, and a few of the, well, ghouls wandering in and out. One of them grinned widely at her, his teeth startlingly white. Odd, you would think that after the jungle-thick heat of the stage, they would want to take off their masks. Best not to think of it. 

She grabbed a bottle of water, twisting the cap almost compulsively, just for something to do with her hands. Wished desperately for a cigarette. Conversations drifted over her and she didn't hear a word of them. 

"--yes, it was well done. I do appreciate it." Her head snapped up at the sound of his voice, and she saw the moment he saw her, a flash of delight and disbelief there and gone again. The man was never going to be inconspicuous, she thought, but she supposed he might pass for casual, if not for the eye makeup. A particularly goth college professor, perhaps, in that well-cut blazer with a red pocket square. Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man, she thought, and grinned. 

He smiled back, slow and a trifle lopsided. "We'll speak tomorrow," he said to his companion, not taking his eyes from her. "If you'll excuse me-- Miss Turner." He shoved his hands in his pockets as he approached, an oddly adolescent gesture. "Thank you for joining me."

"Thank you for having me." She felt a little underdressed, all of a sudden. "Interesting perspective to have on a performance like that."

"Providing you with a different perspective will always be a delight, I think. Tell me, have you eaten?"

"I could eat."

"I've been assured of a place a little ways away. If you would--?"

"Be happy to." She fell into step in his wake, through the maze of the backstage, all harsh fluorescent light and aggressive air-conditioning. "I liked your tricycle."

"Ehh, it is a good touch, I think. It does not do to take oneself too seriously."

"Of course." She looked at him sidelong, his hair slicked back and still damp, a faint air of leather and vanilla-- he'd put on cologne for her. Was taking her to dinner. Miraculously, she managed not to blurt out the thought-- is this a date? but it blindsided her nonetheless.

Preposterous. Ridiculous thought. 

He held the door for her and she stepped out into the low-country velvet heat. A relief, after all that air conditioning. Sodium streetlights down the alleyway, that orange light falling through an oak tree dripping with spanish moss. "This here feels like it's getting to be a habit."

"There are worse habits to have, I think. Or perhaps I flatter myself. Here I am, everything you stand against."

"Oh honey, you are so far down the priority list I can't even see you from here. Besides, it could be worse. You could be a Republican."

She wanted to take the delighted noise he made at that and keep it safe forever, something she could take out and cup her hands around for warmth on cold winter nights. Total hotshot pride. 

They stepped to the corner together and like some great mythological beast an actual yellow cab cruised down the street in their direction. He looked at her. She looked at him. Having reached an agreement just that fast, he flagged it down, something spooky about the timing as it pulled up, some sense of barely perceptible synchronicities lining up in a vast machine.  He opened the door for her, almost without thought, a courtliness she recognized as bone-deep. 

With perfect trust, Sophie got in the taxi.

[jeannefostergoriot]

Family Line by Conan Gray X Fitz Vacker

(How didn’t I think of it sooner?)

« My father never talked a lot »: Alden… isn’t really open. Like. I doubt any of his kids, and even Della, ever knew what was happening, what he was doing, even when they were on missions.

« He just took a walk around the block »: keuf. That’s the secret missions. For the Council and for himself. That a kid can’t understand.

« Till all his anger took a hold of him, and he’d hit »: so. As I said for Driver’s Seat analysis, I doubt the cracks and the emotions go out as anger in the Lost Cities. Though it could happen, adding to the guilt that broke his mind. Yeah. Alden probably screamed. Criticized harshly without realizing. That’s the blows.

« My mother never cried a lot »: Della always stayed in the shadows. She says it herself, she isn’t known as standing up.

« She took the punches but she never fought »: that is about how Della never corrected Alden’s favoritism. She just compensated by caring more for Alvar and Biana.

« Till she said “I’m leaving and I’ll take the kids”, so she did »: that’s book 4. That’s Della joining the Black Swan.

« I say “They’re just the ones who gave me life” »: Fitz all throughout Flashback. Standing against his parents. Protesting.

« But I truly am my parents’ child »: but he can never undo the pressure, the legacy. Even his name, Fitz, that means « son of ». He’s what the Vackers made him.

« Scattered cross my family line »: the way the Vacker family is exploded. The ancestors. Alvar by the Neverseen. Alden and Della never truly close to their kids. Biana and Fitz raised in competition.

« I’m so good at telling lies »: he’s good at dissimulation, at tricking the world to appear fine.

« That came from my mother’s side »: dunno if Della lies. Probably yes. And she always gives the impression to be pretty delicate beauty, when she’s clearly a fighter (cf her registry pages in Unlocked)

« Told a million to survive »: not to survive but to keep the appearances up. Everything’s fine. There is no reason to worry.

« God, I have my father’s eyes »: Fitz has always been perceived as perfect heir. Miniature Alden.

« But my sister’s when I cry »: the fact that, with everything collapsing, Fitz and Biana grew closer throughout the series.

« I can run, but I can’t hide, from my family line »: that is the feeling that whatever he does, he will always be a Vacker. Seen as royal perfection.

« It’s hard to put it into words, how the holidays will always hurt »: it’s hard to admit in Glitter City that it’s not really perfect, expressing that is something they’ve never been taught.

« I watch the fathers with their little girls, and wonder what I did to deserve this »: I think I remember Fitz voicing that. Voicing that he doesn’t know why he is there, treated with so much respect and admiration and feeling so out of place.

« How could you hurt a little kid »: how could you turn me into a simple puppet and forget I have an identity ?

« I can’t forget, I can’t forgive you »: that’s to the whole family tree. The old ones that passed down the pressure and perfection-expectations for centuries.

« Cause now I’m scared that everyone I love will leave me ». This line is about how Fitz doesn’t know how to love. How to be stable. How to live.

« All that I did, I tried to undo it »: that he tried. Being perfect representation of the system? He joined the rebellion. Hurting Sophie and mistrusting her? He went through the whole process of Inquisition and accepted Sokeefe. Making Biana feel invisible? He talked with her in Flashback.

« All of my pain and all your excuses, I was a kid but I wasn’t clueless »: how living in both worlds made him stranger to everything, how he felt something was wrong with the missions, how he just wanted to make Alden proud.

« Someone who loves you wouldn’t do this »: to the system. To all the girls flirting with him without knowing. To his parents not understanding his fears.

« All of my past, I tried to erase it »: killing Alvar as erasing the pain. Joining the Black Swan as erasing the pressure. He is a runaway boy too, but it shows less.

« But now I see, would I even change it? »: I think he can learn to think like this. To be satisfied.

« Might share a face and share a last name, but we are not the same »: now. By Stellarlune, he knows. He knows he can have an identity and not be a copy of his father. He can not make the same mistakes.