#and I don't really want to remain in there for much longer cause my mental health is kinda getting worse the longer it goes on

[hopesangelsprite]

Closer

Pairing: Illumi x Wife!reader

Warnings: kissing, suggestive content, light angst

Summary: Your husband isn't really the touchy feely type... but when it comes to you that tends to change often and very quickly.

It wasn't often that your husband had days off. It was even rarer that he spent those days off relaxing rather than training or picking up small, quick missions for extra money (not that he needed it anyway). Today was different, though. Illumi had about a week of downtime before his next mission and, instead of prepping, he was sprawled across your shared bed napping.

You were worried at first, his uncharacteristic behavior causing you to wonder if he was feeling well. After the first few days of observing him and assuring yourself that he wasn't ill, you chalked it up to him finally taking some time to relieve stress. Though you wanted to relax with him, there were still a few tasks you needed to complete beforehand. You sighed inwardly from your desk and continued to work on your computer. What had started as light research quickly turned into hours of sifting through data and you were quickly becoming annoyed.

"Wife.", Illumi called out, his voice heavy with sleep. You froze and listened for any signs he was fully awake. Illumi took your silence as ignoring him and spoke again. "You know I don't like repeating myself.", he grumbled and the sound of sheets rustling met your ears. You turned in your chair to see your husband sitting up on his elbows, eyes half-lidded with sleep and light annoyance. "What is it, love?", you hummed at his tired, disturbed state.

Without another word spoken, he patted the empty side of your bed and motioned for you to come forward. Your brow quirked and a smirk crept onto your lips. "You're not being serious, are you? You usually want nothing to do with me when it's nap time.", you chuckled and his eyes narrowed even more.

"I'm not above coming to get you myself. However, for your sake, I advise you to do as asked.", he spoke lowly while brushing inky strands of hair from his face. A giggle passed your lips as you stood and made your way toward the bed and joined your grumpy husband. After taking a moment to adjust the two of you, Illumi nestled his face against the side of yours and exhaled. "That wasn't so hard, was it? You've been at that damned computer much too long for my liking.", he complained as he pulled a small blanket over the both of you.

You rolled over to face him, placing a kiss between his collarbone and Adam's apple. "Almost sounds like you missed me.", you cooed sweetly to which he huffed through his nose. "So, what if I did? A man's allowed to miss his wife, is he not?", he mused with hands gently drawing patterns onto your lower back. You opted for more silence as you looked over his features, taking mental photos in case his next mission took him away from you longer than usual.

Illumi opened his eyes, lashes fluttering as he looked over you with onyx orbs. "What's wrong?", he questioned softly while pulling you closer. You shrugged and leaned into him, indulging in the cool of his skin. "I miss you a lot when you're gone.", you finally answer, "I wonder whether or not you'll come back to me sometimes…". Illumi remained silent, allowing the weight of your words to fully settle over the room. It was often you felt this way, the long periods of waiting eating away at your resolve. His occasional battered state upon returning only deepened that fear that he'd not come home one day.

"You don't have to worry about that.", Illumi spoke after a little while, "I'll always come back to you… even if it's the last thing I do.". You looked up at him, in awe of the sudden tenderness he possessed. "Promise?", you whispered into the room's atmosphere. He nodded, taking your hand in his and intertwining his fingers with yours. "I promise.", he vowed before pulling you impossibly closer.

You smiled giddily, the tension finally rolling off your shoulders. "Besides,", Illumi spoke as he settled himself in the valley of your breasts, "How could I possibly think of leaving all of this behind?". A gasp and a cackle as you felt him nibble at your chest, his hands squeezing the fat of your ass. "I knew you didn't want me to nap with you!!", you laughed while trying to wriggle out of his hold, "I still have work to do!".

You managed to get a leg and an arm free before Illumi dragged you back into him. "The only thing you should be doing is me.", he muttered while attempting to hold you still. After a while of resisting, you finally let your husband pin you to the bed with a satisfied smirk. "Your research can't make you feel the way I do, can it?", he questioned proudly to which you rolled your eyes. Even though you didn't want to admit it, he was right. You stared up at him, taking in just how pretty he was with bedhead and sleep still lingering in his eyes.

"Fine. You get two rounds before I go back to work.", you offered to which he scoffed with narrowed eyes. "Four rounds.", he countered indignantly. You smirked while tucking a few strands of hair behind his ears. "Three rounds and cuddles. Take it or leave it.", you negotiated before leaning in to kiss him. "Deal.", he hummed between kisses with hands roaming across your body, "I'll give you under-desk support after.".

"What? No-".

[bluesest]

A Football prank

Today is the big day, the big game that will decide the future of several young athletes will be about to start, the field full of fans from different schools will see which team will be the one to take the victory. However, the poor decisions of four athletes will be an obstacle to the big trophy.

Mikey was a nerdy young student, he was always the best in the classes with the best grades which made him an easy target for the bullies on duty:

Kenny: A rather gentle black boy, he doesn't like problems off the field, however, thanks to his friends he gradually took on a bully role. Moderately muscular and the shortest of the four friends.

Devin: The most muscular of all, he is relaxed and likes to annoy those he calls "nerds", he is passionate about everything that is sporty and especially uniforms that make him highlight certain parts of his body to try to be more attractive.

Tyler: The most attractive of the whole team, tall, blond and with blue eyes who causes several girls to go after him, even if he doesn't pay attention to him. He has an organized personality and likes to play pranks on his friends.

Jake: The most masculine of them all, he has a small beard and a seductive and dominant look, he is competitive and his favorite hobby is annoying nerds or his own brother.

This group of athlete friends never miss any training and much less the sporting events organized by their school, always giving their all on the field, however, that is not the only thing they do.

Mikey was his favorite nerd, where he meets that group who laugh out loud while making cruel jokes on him, where he often ends up penniless and on the verge of a mental breakdown, but this time he won't allow them not to get any punishment for what they've done to him and other students.

Using his intelligence and his contact which is his best friend who is also on the football team, he put together a rather cruel but fair plan.

On the day of the grand finale between two rival schools, Mikey will put an extra-strong, fast-acting laxative in his bullies' energy drinks, while his best friend will deliver those drinks to them so that there is no suspicion on their part, a perfect plan.

Finally the big day arrived and the plan went perfectly, the four drinks were loaded with laxative which its flavor would be camouflaged by the sweetness of the liquid. The boy offered the drinks to the group: "You are our hope, here are 4 drinks for 4 stars", and without thinking twice they took the whole content in one gulp, the group had the same opinion: "delicious"

And in the blink of an eye they were already on the field with the eyes of everyone around them. The first minutes were of pure calm if we talk about their stomachs since the rival school team were difficult opponents to beat, several with great musculature, speed and endurance, the united strength of the team was required to be able to beat them and take the victory, but their union would not last long.

Thanks to the frenetic nature of the sport, the boys' stomachs began to tremble, a chilling sensation filled their bodies that were already beginning to sweat.

Kenny:

As he was chasing the ball he began to feel a persistent and uncomfortable gurgling, each step he took bounced his stomach and intestines causing the effect to start much faster than expected.

*GRRRRRRRRRRR*

"Ugh, I feel really bad"

Another gurgling caused him to slow down as he grabbed his sore stomach which begged for mercy and a moment out of physical activity.

*GRRRRRR* *GRRRRRRRR*

"Fuck, my... Stomach... oh no..."

*PPPPFFFFFFTTTTTTT*

A loud fart came out of his butt frantically making his buttocks collide that by then remained tight not only because of the stress of the match, but also because of the sensation he felt inside him, a liquid made its way through his stomach wanting to reach his large intestine as quickly as possible.

*PFFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PRRRRR*

"I don't think I can hold on a little longer..."

*GRRRRRRRR* *PRRRRRRRRRRRR*

"I just have to wait for the first half to end, that's all..."

*GRRRRRRR*

"Nope, I definitely can't!"

He decided to stop following the ball to turn around and head towards the public bathrooms of the field, however, before he even reached the halfway point, an opponent pushed him with all his strength, he had unintentionally entered his territory, the rival was almost twice as heavy as Kenny which caused him to fall to the ground and almost lose consciousness.

*SQHHSQHSQHQSSQSQSQ*

A terrible sensation made him regain consciousness, the squeeze of buttocks was interrupted by that thrust and made him lose control of his intestines letting a small fraction of the diarrhea escape to crash into his pants.

His skin changed tone to a pale one, his eyes turned white while the smell flooded his nose, however, he had not lost hope as it was not so much diarrhea and at least he had released some pressure.

Before heading back to the bathroom he saw how his other friends were going in different directions, Kenny didn't know why, but he wasn't interested when he has his own problems to solve.

Despite the shouts of his coach, he ignored it and finally reached the public bathroom in the middle of the game.

"I don't have time to wait for the break in the first half"

It was rare to see star players leave the field even though the game was still on, so several people set their sights on the 4 friends, although some were out of sight.

Kenny finally arrived at the public toilet which was actually a portable toilet, he tried to open the door, but it was locked, plus a disgusting smell came out of there, what was missing, is occupied.

Kenny began to knock frantically on the door, but a thick voice caused him to freeze in the moment: "Hey! Your little boy stops knocking on the door" was the voice of the director, "I'm done and I'm cleaning myself, but if you want to come in when I leave I'll tell you that I've eaten hot wings so it will be your responsibility"

In desperation, Kenny began to jump frantically using one hand to hold his stomach and the other to cover his anus and try to keep nothing from coming out of there, but his efforts were in vain.

Just as the director opened the door, a thunderous noise was present.

*PFPPFTPPTFTTFFTPFPPFTTFF*

His body could not take it anymore and decided to evacuate everything inside.

*SQHSQHQHHSHSHSHQHSQSQS* *PPPPPPRRRRRRRRRRR* *TRRRRRRRRR* *SHQHSHSQHSHSQHSHSQHSQHSQ* *GRRRRRRR*

When he looked up, he saw the director with a stunned look and then changed to a mocking smile: "Ha! Wow but if you're Kevin, a lot of students spoke very badly about you, but I think they omitted the smell part."

Kevin pulled the director aside and locked himself in the smelly bathroom and sat down in the sweaty, hot seat.

*TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *KSQKQSKSKQ* *PFFFFTFTFTFTFTF* *SQHQSHSQHHSSHHQSQHSQQQS*

"Incredible, and I thought that when I drink beer and eat wings I destroyed the toilets, I can't believe that one of the stars of the team has shit on his pants, I will leave you alone"

*HQSHQSHSHQSHQHSHQS* *SHSHSHHSSHHSHSHSHS* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFF* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP*

Finally there was a moment of calm for Kenny, he saw with sadness his white pants full of brown shit, he looked up with still sweat and thought "I hope my friends are winning..." 

Devin:

Of all his team he was the most brusque to play so the effects didn't take long... *GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

His pace began to slow down while his stomach only accelerated its movement while several farts came out of him.

*PFFFTTT* *PFFFTTTT* *PPFFTT*

His farts were submachine gun type, in other words, small but quite loud, each fart combo increased the weight Devin felt in his stomach until that weight went to his rectum where he hated to feel a thick diarrhea that could barely allow the fart to escape to relieve the pressure.

"It can't be! Why now?"

He stopped for a moment in the middle of the court, held his stomach, lifted his butt in the air and let out a big, powerful fart.

*PPPPPFFFFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT*

"Hahaha, that was a tremendous one..."

*GRRRRRRR* *PPPPFFFFTTTTT*

"But releasing it didn't make me feel better... I don't think I can wait for the first half to end..."

*PPPFFFFFTTTTTTTT*

"I need to find a bathroom soon..."

He turned his gaze to the only portable toilet on the field, but unfortunately he saw how a tall man in a suit entered, leaving him with no options.

"Fuck! I think I'll keep farting a couple more to relax my stomach."

*PFFFTTTT* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *PFFFTT* *SQQSHH*

"Oh no... that was a wet one... I definitely won't be able to go on like this."

With regret in his heart and year he decided to leave the game aside despite the shout of the other members of the team, before leaving the place he turned his gaze back and saw how his other friends were heading to different places.

He ran as fast as his current condition allowed, every step he took he could feel how little by little liquid tried to escape from his ass, he was near the school until a violent gurgling stopped him followed by several farts one after another.

*PPPFFTTFTF* *PPFTFTFTF* *PFPTPPPTTP* *PFPPTPFFPTP* *PPPPFFTFTFTFTF*

"I can't take it anymore!"

He went to some bushes that were near him, took off his tight pants and his helmet to bend more comfortably preventing his butt from rustling the leaves of that bush.

*PPPPPFPFFPFPFTFTFTFTFTFTTFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT*

A gigantic fart came out of his bare butt first, announcing something impressive.

*QRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQR*

A gigantic trunk made its way through the rectum out of Devin's tired anus as he began to sweat.

"Ufff Ufff Ufff"

*QRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQR* *SPLASH*

He finally came out, it looked about the size of a human arm, that took some of Devin's gut pain away and he thought he just had to evacuate that big trunk, but he was wrong.

*GRRRRRRRRR*

"Oh no again"

*PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS* *SQHHSHQSHSHQQSHSHQSQHQSQHQS* *TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *SHQHSQHSQHQHSQSQQSQQSQ* 

A torrent of liquid diarrhea came out of his body, apparently that solid poop served as a cork to stop the diarrhea that was generated in his stomach, perhaps that was the reason why he could fart without worrying so much.

*PPFTFTFTFTFT* *SHQHSQHSHSQHSQHQSS* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PPPPRRRRRRRRRR* *TTTTSSSSSSSSSSSS*

The second round was even more violent than the previous one as the shit that fell to the ground began to splash and reach longer distances, staining Devin's favorite shoes a bit.

*QSHSHHSHSHSQHSQHSQHSQHSQSQSQSQSQ *TRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *PFTTFTFTFTFTFF* *GRRRRRRRR*

With another diarrheal explosion and the exit of another small log, Devin's intestines managed to calm down enough to regain his composure.

"Phew, I think it was enough for now... Fuck! I've completely forgotten that I don't have toilet paper!"

He began to despair and frantically looked around not only to look for something to clean himself with but also someone who had witnessed what happened, in the end he had some luck to remember that he had just defecated in a bush full of leaves.

With his bare and sweaty hands he began to remove some leaves and began to rub them against his disastrous butt, he gently tapped while the stress was leaving.

After 5 minutes, he finally got up, he had used several leaves that were left on the ground trying to cover the diarrhea and that trunk to hide what had happened there, but that was not the end of Devin's problems as he began to feel a slight tingle.

"I think having gone through so much stress made my hands go a little numby and the... butt?"

Under his gaze and saw his red hands, the slight tingling changed to an annoying and irritating itch that unfortunately not only affected his hands, but also his already battered butt.

He began to scratch frantically only causing a worse reaction, the turn to that bush to realize that he had just cleaned his butt with poison ivy.

As he jumped in pain as he felt irritation about to invade his balls, he wondered, "Where have my friends gone?"

Tyler:

He stood on the sidelines of the team and waited for a chance to take the ball and as he was about to touch it a big blast of air came out of his butt.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF*

He immediately knew that it was no ordinary fart, he felt that a couple of drops came out of his butt and it was not exactly sweat.

He froze for a moment while the rival team regained possession of the ball, and suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder that brought him out of the trance:

I read: "Hey! You have missed that golden opportunity to take advantage of them"

It was Leo, a moderately muscular man and the newest member of the team who also showed a great talent for football, even if he lacks practice. Leo noticed the sweat on Tyler's forehead as he kept a blank stare and asked:

Leo: "Are you okay?"

Tyler reacted immediately and tried to pretend he didn't feel sick by giving a big, somewhat forced smile while saying "Don't worry."

Leo wanted to continue talking to him, but Tyler decided to leave to follow the ball again, he could not disappoint the team or his friends, he also has a new concern thanks to Leo who always proved to be insistent on helping others, almost as a talent he can know when a person is bad both physically and mentally, in addition, it seems that Leo cared more about Tyler than all the other members of the team. 

10 minutes of a great marathon passed behind the ball, but little by little his stomach became heavier causing him to lose speed and little by little he was left behind, the stomach pain was so much that for every 5 steps a fart escaped more and more violent and wet.

*PPPFTFTFTFT* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *PPFFTFT*

"Damn! There is still a long way to go before the end of the first half"

*GGGRRRRRRRR* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFT*

"Maybe I can ask the coach for a rest and be able to go to the portable stadium toilet...*GRRRRR* but it would be very embarrassing because I know that the diarrhea I'm going to have will not be normal and you can hear it for miles"

*PPPFFFFFTTTTTTT*

"But I really need to sit on the porcelain right now..."

He stopped running and stayed in the middle of the court holding his stomach ache.

*PPFTFTTFTFTF* *PPPFTFTTF* *PPFPFFTFTFTFTTF* *PPPFTFTTFTFTFT*

Meanwhile Leo continued to give his all in the game, although he could not get Tyler out of his head, when he lost sight of the ball he turned his gaze to Tyler who was lying standing with his eyes up.

Tyler realized that Leo was watching him and ran again to avoid suspicion... A terrible mistake.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *SQQSHH*

His stomach was losing the battle, it stopped abruptly as another flurry of wet farts came out of him.

*PPFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *PPFTFTFTFT* *PPPFTFTFTFTFT* *PPFTFTFT*

Tyler definitely lost control of the situation, he started frantically looking everywhere to look for the portable toilet on the court, but he just saw how the door closed abruptly, he had no choice but to try to get to the school bathrooms, something impossible at that time.

As he ran off the field, he saw his group of friends separate and walk away from the field, but he didn't think it was important.

Leo saw the scene from afar, saw how 4 of the team's sports stars were urgently leaving the place and decided to follow Tyler to see if he was okay.

Tyler, already halfway away from the big show, was frantically looking for a shortcut to the bathroom or in the worst case a large bush to hide his butt and his diarrhea, but before deciding his fate, a scream caught his attention.

"TYLER!"

It was Leo's voice who was running after him.

Leo: "What happened to you? Because you decided to flee the party"

Tyler: "I wasn't running away, I was just going to do something I forgot..."

Leo: "So why didn't you wait for the first half to end instead of abandoning the team?"

Tyler: "I don't..."

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF*

A loud fart was present, Leo was stunned while Tyler was totally blushing with embarrassment.

*PPFTFTFTF* *PPFTFTFT* *PPPPFFFTTT*

Tyler quickly took off his pants and grabbed his helmet to use as a makeshift toilet, he might as well shit on the floor, but he didn't want Leo to see his naked ass and penis while he was flushing a large fountain of natural chocolate, plus there was no bush nearby to cover it.

*QSHHQSHSQHSQHSQHQHSHSHSQSQS* *PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

As expected, the first shock was violent, Tyler tried not to moan, but it was impossible.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTTF* *TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *GHRGHRGHRHR* *PSSSSSSSSSSSSS*

Leo saw the scene not with disgust, in fact, it was the best thing that had happened to him in his life, he was gay in the closet and his crush was Tyler but he could not confess it for fear of rejection, but finally he could observe his large naked body although it was not the best of situations.

*SQHSQHHQSHQHSQHSQHSHQSHQS* *PSSSSSSSSSSSS* *PRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPR* *SQSHHHHHHH* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *SHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

Tyler finally looked back at Leo, while he tried to hide his erection.

I read: "I'm so sorry! I didn't know you needed to go to the bathroom!"

Tyler: "You look more blushing than me, this is so embarrassing ugh" *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFF*

Leo: "Do you need help?"

Tyler: "What do you think? *SHQHSHQSHQHSQHSQHS* I'm naked outdoors while my ass discharges all the food of an entire year..." *SHQSHSHQHSHQHSHQHSQHSQHSQHSQ* *PPPRRRRRRRRRRR* *SHHSHQHSHQHSQHSHQHSHQSSQSQSQ*

Leo took off his shirt and covered Tyler's body while he couldn't help but laugh to stop feeling embarrassed.

Tyler: "Come to think of it, you and I don't know each other very well, how about we get out of these someday?"

Leo: "Like a date?"

Tyler: "If you look at it like that, hahaha *SQHSHHQSHQHSHQSHSQHSQHS* by the way, could you get toilet paper? I heard that a lot of poison ivy grows in these places..."

I read: "Sure! And by the way... Your friends also fled the party, what do you think happened to them?"

Tyler: "No idea" *PPPFFFTTT*

Jake:

He demonstrated his dominance in the sport every minute of the game and had kept the ball for quite some time while strategizing to score points.

But his movements began to lose power and his brain had a hard time even formulating a thought other than his butt in the toilet.

*GRRRRRRRRRRR*

"Damn! Maybe it was this morning's coffee? But that only makes me fart..."

*PPFTFTFTFTFTFTTF*

"Well, that was one, but... the farts in the café are not wet and neither are they..."

*GRRRRRRR*

"It makes me want to go to the bathroom"

Jake kept trying to focus on the match, but his ass couldn't handle that much pressure and he needed to release it urgently, so while he ran his butt focused on loosening his buttocks a little and giving way to the foul smell.

*PPFTFTF* *PPPFTFTFTFT* *PPFFFFTT* *PRRRRRR*

With each passing minute, his farts became more violent and wet, so much so that even his underpants began to get damp not only with sweat.

"There is still a long way to go before the end of the first half..."

*GGGGRRRRRRR*

"Fuck this, if I don't get to a bathroom soon, my pants will go from white to brown."

He went to the only portable toilet in the place, however, he saw an adult in a suit enter, Jake yelled to stop, but his pleas were not heard.

"Shit! Now what do I do? I think I will be able to resist a little longer to get to the school bathrooms, but... they are really disgusting"

*GGRRRRRRRRRR*

"It's true! My house is close to here, if I run I will be able to use my bathroom and avoid going through embarrassing moments"

Without thinking twice, Jake decided to leave the game and his friends, but first he looked back to see how they were doing and apparently they were all heading to different places.

His diet was quite rough, he often went through whole days of constipation, so his stomach was strong enough to withstand the large amount of fluids in his rectum until he reached his house.

As he ran, his buttocks lost more of the pressure they were exerting on the anus, so several wet farts escaped.

*PPFTFTFTTFTF* *PFTFTTF* *PRRRRR*

But the effort and his wet underpants were worth it when he got home, he went in and went up to the second floor and tried to open the door of the only bathroom in the house, but it was locked.

*TOCK* *TOCK*

"Is there anyone here?"

Behind the door was his younger brother Jhon combing his hair, when he heard his brother's voice he was surprised because he had an extremely important game which had not ended. 

Jake: "Open the door for me please! It's urgent!"

Jhon: "Aren't you supposed to be in a game or something?"

Jake: "I know! But I had to abandon it because something I ate fell very badly on my stomach, I'm about to on myself!"

Jhon was about to open the door, but he remembered that this morning he played a practical joke on him at breakfast, when he asked Jake for the sugar he gave him the salt, something that ruined his breakfast, plus it always bothers him.

Jhon: "Well, go to some bush or something, I'm busy here"

Jake: "Open the damn door! Or I'll right here and make you clean it up!"

Jhon: "You wouldn't dare, and even if you forced me I wouldn't do it, besides our parents getting very angry"

Jake: "Please! I feel like it's already coming out!" 

*PPFTFTFT* *PPFTFTFTFTFTFT* *PPFTFTFTFT* *PPFFFFTTTTT* 

Jhon: "HAHAHAHA"

Jake: "Listen to that!"

Jake started jumping while both of his hands were covering his anus to prevent a terrible accident from happening, and out of desperation he began to try to knock down the door with his elbow, like the police shows he has always liked.

Jhon was nervous, he knew his brother and his determination very well and he was afraid that he would break the door and his parents would scold both of them if that happened, so he decided to make one last joke and waited for Jake to get the urge to knock on the door again, when that happened, Jhon opened the door causing Jake to fall to the bathroom floor.

*PPPFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *SQSHH*

Jake: "!"

Jhon: "All yours bro"

Jhon left the bathroom without closing the door to annoy Jake even more, meanwhile Jake didn't care at all and began to undress and after a long day sit on the precious toilet.

*QRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQRQR* *PLOP*

The first round was a gigantic log due to his constipation, but that was only the beginning.

*SHQHSQHSHHQSHSHQSHQSSQSSQ* *PPFTTFTFTFTTF* *TRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTR* *SQHHSQHSHQSHQHSQHSHSQHQ* *PPPFFFTTTTTPPPPPPFFFFFTTTT*

Several farts followed by wet shit came out of him, his anus finally exploded which became quite obvious to Jhon who was on the first floor of the house who sneered: "In the end you made a great note on the toilet and not in the game!"

Jake: "Shut up!"

*PPFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *SHSHQHQSHQHSQHQHSQSQS* *PPPSSSSSS* *PPFTFTFTFTFF* *TRTRTRTRTRTR* *PLOP* *PLOP* *PFFTTT* *SQSHHHHHHHHHH*

More runny diarrhea came out of him, even with the door open the bathroom couldn't shake the nauseating smell that Jake emanated.

*PSSSSSSSSSS* *PFTFTFTF* *PSSSSSSSS* *TRTRTRTRTRTTRT* *PPSSSSSSSSS* *QHSHQSHQSHQHSQHSQHSQHSQSQSS* *PPSSSSSSSS* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTFTFTF*

Another round caused his stomach to shrink to try and get everything out of his system.

*PLOP* *PLOP* *PLOP*

More small logs came out of his anus, apparently it was not a good idea to eat so much protein for the game.

*QHHSHQSHSQHSHQSHQSHSHQSHQSHQS* *PFTFTFTFTFTFTF* *TRTRTRTR* *QSHQHSHQSHQSHQHSQHSQHSQHSQ* *PPFTFTFTFTFTF*

Jake: "Wait a minute... the match! *PFTFTF* completely forgot, and also... where were my friends going?"

After 20 minutes, Jake was returning to the game, in the distance he saw the coach quite angry yelling at Tyler and Leo, Jake tried to return home to avoid the coach yelling at him, but it was too late, he had already noticed Jake's presence.

After 10 minutes of screaming and being ejected from the game, the three teammates found themselves talking about what happened and Jake questioned Tyler about why he fled the game, he did not give him an answer and asked the same to Jake who did not answer either, now the only unknown in all this was to know where Kenny and Devin went.

PS: The following story will be the winner of the votes: "A Roman Public Toilet"

[livestock-and-bibles]

Things I've Noticed During My Several Rewatches of The Doomstar Requiem

(Lock in, this is gonna be long)

Murderface is the only one out of the group to have a completely obscured face, possession foreshadowing perhaps? Also he lacks the golden streaks on the halo-esque circles behind them. Inch resting... (Not gonna talk too much abt when the scene goes red and the beam behind Murderface is dripping blood because I believe it's already been talked about before by others, and I don't want to include anything in this post that's already been discussed) Also I love how all of their weapons match their instruments

The way Toki doesn't even flinch when he gets alcohol poured on his wound is heartbreaking, likely either because the torture his parents put him through as a kid has given him a wicked pain tolerance or because he's so dissociated, similarly to how he behaves in Dethfam when his parents are around or Dethzazz when he's mentally in the punishment hole (I do believe this sort of catatonic state he's in is what's causing him to seem so much worse off than Abigail—though his untreated diabetes + Magnus targeting him more because of his relation to Dethklok probably also adds to it—he's likely not really eating or taking care of himself)

At first I thought that Magnus was feeding them dog food, but on closer inspection I actually believe it to be human remains. Yeesh. You can see it really looks like muscle fibers, and there's bones, as well as skin that still has hair on it. Magnus Hammersmith they could never make me like you

On the table is the Klokateer from Tracking/Ishnifus and The Challenge!!

I think it's interesting how much Nathan's fantasies look like Toki's! I just think it's neat! They're more similar than they seem :)

This is the most expressive we've ever seen Charles and it makes my heart hurt AUUGHH

The way Nathan licks his lips/teeth after the "How can I be a hero when my dick's as big as a shoe" line. DISGUSTING /affectionate

Does this fan look familiar? He should, because it's Dethklok's son, Fatty Ding Dong!! Good to see he's doing well lol, and his real name is Rick, we can also assume that at LEAST four years have passed since season 1, since in season 1 episode 10, he's said to be 14. Since he has a roommate now, he is likely to be around 18 years old

(Apologies for the low quality screencap I had to nab this from Youtube) I kind of wish that the animators didn't change this original animation for the end of The Fans Are Chatting. I just feel like Nathan pushing away the Klokateers is more symbolically relevant. Nathan is quite literally pushing away the safety and security his avoidance has given him, the hologram disappearing and the fans leaving is a metaphor for the fact that he can no longer keep himself deluded into thinking that everything is fine, he can't hide from the truth anymore

Almost all of the Rock A Roonie Fantasy Camp counsellors came to the Dethklok audition, there's even the depressed blues guy in the background. There's also Sammy Candynose from Snakes 'n Barrels, so I like to think that Pickles told him about the auditions

There's also the guitarist from Get Thee Hence

Toki's shadow!!! The wings!!!

The animals they take the form of match two of the guitars Brendon Small created with Gibson, The Thunderhorse and the Snow Falcon :D

It's super tiny but their smiles :'))!!! Also the way their parts play on different sides when you listen with headphones but then combine at this part makes me so crazy. Not only does Toki challenge Skwisgaar and inspire him to get better, but they're also having fun! Which I can imagine never really happened when he played with Magnus

Probably just an animation error but Skwisgaar is animated as his present day self here. Idk, just thought that was interesting

I think the order of the rest of the band joining in on the background vocals is really interesting, it goes: Skwisgaar, Pickles, Nathan, Murderface. Personally I choose to interpret it as a representation of how long it took each member to warm up to Toki as their rhythm guitarist, Skwisgaar was super fast since he was the one to choose him, Pickles was the one wanting a new guitarist in the first place, Nathan and Magnus seemed to be close, so it would definitely take more time for him to accept Toki as the whole Magnus situation would still feel a little raw, and Murderface is a professional hater so of course it took him the longest

I really love just how soft and content Murderface looks in Toki's fantasy. We all know he has a softer side and I think that either Toki perceives it, or possibly Murderface shows it towards him (Which I can believe because they're often together and they get along pretty well, Toki is probably the person Murderface gets along with the best actually)

I also want to mention that at this part of I Believe, Toki is no longer singing along with the other's background vocals, and is harmonizing with himself, which gets really sad when you realize that it's because this was just Toki remembering this to keep himself sane and he's actually kidnapped, hurt, and alone. Ouch :(

The drunk driver who crashed into the Jomfru brothers is the same guy who crashed into Nathan's second grade class in Dethgov. I guess there's only one drunk driver that exists in the Metalocalypse universe lol

I think we as a fandom need to appreciate Eric Jomfru more. He's such a real one. The way they make you care about him after he's already gone is so evil lol /affectionate

The way the Klokateers join in on this song makes me wonder if perhaps they view each other as brothers, or if there's just like a strong sense of brotherhood between them

The groupie on the left can actually be seen in Fatherklok at the beginning of the episode, as one of the women Skwisgaar has been with, so y'know what? She has valid reasons to be mad honestly

Murderface's pose up top always sends me, sir please calm down, keep it together king

Murderface holding his wrist :(

If you look closely, you can actually see that the Revengeancers are eating Ishnifus. Which is just,, utterly horrifying

In between the shots of the band and the assassin, there's so many inconsistencies in the placement of the characters. For the last two images, I just like to rationalize it as Pickles immediately attempting to run away, then noticing that the rest of the band is still there and being like "Oh shit we're squaring up? Ok I guess". I know it's just so Nathan can be in the center when they use the Dethlights but I just think it's funny

Also in the second to last picture, the way Murderface, typically the most cowardly of the band, isn't looking at the assassin, but instead, is looking worriedly at Toki, makes my heart hurt. I adore their relationship

Murderface is actually sleeping in Nathan's bed here. If you compare different shots of their bedrooms and beds, it's clear that this is Nathan's, you can tell from the striped pillowcase. I'm not gonna talk too much about this, mostly because I want to make a separate post talking about how Murderface is seen more than once sleeping in Nathan's bed when he's hurt/unwell. It's very sweet lol

ANYWAY! Thanks for reading these rambles, I love The Doomstar Requiem so much! I might make a post like this for Army of the Doomstar as well, and also just some analysis posts if I get the confidence lol. Big thanks to @ratskal for watching this a dozen times with me and pointing out things too. (I actually reached the max limit of pictures allowed in a post which is a little funny, I am so normal about this show /lying)

[writersmilex]

Addressing The Wound

James Sunderland X Fem | Reader

Summary: James' other companion, (Y/n) is so attentive and supportive to him it grants him a newfound pinch of hope. That hope grows when she saves his life...

Attention!: Mentions of Blood/Injury, Suicidal Idioligy. Read at your own risk ____________________________________

It was that bloody postcard that brought (Y/n) here.

And she had never imagined she would ever patch an injury for a mentally unstable man that she had just met while defending herself from horrible monsters out to get her, or at least to hinder her from getting to her goal. Joining up with James was never the official plan. However, being along with all those monsters is not ideal either.

James doesn't react when (Y/n) cleans the gash on his arm with rubbing alcohol, he is merely lost in his mind, staring blankly into the furthest corner of the dimly lit infirmary.

" you should watch yourself, James." (Y/n) scolds quietly while dressing the wound with bandages, she was lucky to have found some on the desk in this medical room.

"You don't have to do this…" he tries to dismiss his well-being again, which doesn't sit very right with her. "But I want to do this. You took a hit for me, it's customary that I return the favour." She replies with an almost stubborn tone.

The injury is now neatly dressed and (Y/n) whipped James' blood on her trousers, shuffling over to sit next to him. James gingerly pushes his sleeve back down, covering the bandages but there is now a hole in his jacket and shirt.

(Y/n) notices and pulls at a loose string of the torn jacket, "I could fix that for you later." She comments and leans back into the sofa to relax a little. Leaning her head against the back of the sofa and closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. “You’d do that for me?” James’s voice causes (Y/n) to lift her head and glance at him, offering him a curt grin. “Sure, It’s the least I can do,” she says, It wasn’t a big deal for her, after surviving this nightmare place with this guy she met, watching her back while fighting off those monsters, she is more than happy to help him in the end. “Thanks…” He mutters, looking a little flustered as he looks away. The duo remain in a comfortable silence for a moment. Gathering their thoughts, Then after what felt like a good minute or two, (Y/n) put her hands on her knees and stood up with a huff, stretching her body out once she was on her feet. “Say, I’m not planning to stay here for any longer than I have to. And I think neither do you, Let’s get going.” (Y/n) looks over at the blonde man and reaches her hand out for him to take. James looks up slowly, inspecting her hand like it’s a foreign object, then lifts his uninjured arm and places his hand in hers, allowing her to pull him up and smile at him once he is on his feet. Despite looking so defeated and exhausted, James does his best to smile back.

~~~~

Exiting the infirmary, the two are back in the dark and rotting hallway of this psychiatric prison. There is not much light, even with James’ torch and (Y/n)’s torch from her digital camera. “What do we do now?” (Y/n) questions while looking around the hall, the lack of light makes her nervous. “Well, we came from there. Might as well look the other way.” James suggests, and (Y/n) nods in agreement, the duo nearly glued to each other's sides while traversing the darkness, looking for a door that felt the safest to try. Most of the doors are locked, and it feels like the prison itself wants the two to go to a specific place. “Do you still have ammunition, James?” (Y/n) asks, desperately looking for something to break the silence that’s almost eating her alive. “I’ve got enough. I’m trying to save it for when I really need it.” James agrees that the silence is too loud, he turns to pull on another doorknob, finding it locked. “And you?” He adds. (Y/n) shrugs, “My bullets are plentiful… But just like you, I’m saving them.” she replies, also trying a door and much to her luck, this one opens.

The two enter a room with half of the floor missing. There is only a thin path that leads to the other side of the room, on the other side is another door. “Looks unstable…” (Y/n) comments nervously.

“It should be fine when we’re careful…” James says, moving to step inside the room, (Y/n) eyes James incredulously, “Are you sure?” She asks bewildered. There is no way that both of them are going to make it over that unstable floor. (Y/n) peeks over the edge, deep down below, there is nothing but blackness. (Y/n) swallows the bile that forms in her throat. “Only one way to find out…” She finally agrees to try, James reaches over and gives her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll go first,” He insists, sliding his shoes over what remains of the floor, “Careful James.” (Y/n) warns as she can see the floor wobble in discomfort as James carefully steps over it, slow and well-balanced steps. A dangerous and painful sounding crack makes him flinch and he speeds his shuffling process up. Loose pieces give in, breaking away and falling into the dark pit of nothingness. “James!” (Y/n) panics, watching in horror as the floor starts to crumble. James can manoeuvre around the falling floor and make it to the other side without a scratch. The gaping blackness swallowed the rest of the remaining floor, and James and (Y/n) got separated. “Are you okay!?” (Y/n) yells with worry. “Yes, I’m fine!” James is quick to reply. The Two are now separated by an endless dark pit, there is no way they could rejoin like this. “Yo-you keep going, I’ll find another way around.” (Y/n)’s voice weavers, she doesn’t like the idea of being alone right now, in a place like this. James looks like he wants to say something, but ultimately agrees with the terms, “Okay, Take care, (Y/n).” He says and reluctantly turns around to leave the room. His exhausted features saddened, feeling like he is leaving her behind to die. “Yeah, you too. I’ll see you soon!” She tries to smile, giving a little wave and turning around to find another way by herself.

~~Hours Later~~

(Y/n) feels uneasy, the halls seem to go on endlessly. Deeper and deeper into this claustrophobic and seemingly perfect hell. Tormenting (Y/n) with vision of the nasty fights her parents would have, and how it felt like it was her fault. Her father even said it.

There is a tranquil nothing for a moment, Despite it being dark, it’s quiet. That’s better than the monsters that remind her of her father’s aggression towards her mother.

She takes a deep breath, a feeling deep in her gut calms her down, but she knows this is not the end just yet. Many doors are locked, guiding (Y/n) to the place where she needs to go. Opening the correct door, she is greeted with a sight that nearly makes her heart stop.

James grips the rope of the noose with two hands, and slowly pulls it downwards.

The old rope cracks and groans in resistance, sending a shiver down his spine. The horrible sound numbs his mind, he can't hear the subtle click of something unlocking.

His vision blurs, and all he can see is the vague outline of the noose, Clenching his fists in the rough rope, it almost calls to him.

The permanent solution to a temporary problem…

(Y/n) grows scared the longer she sees James hold on to the noose, it causes her heart to start racing harder than before. She almost doesn't think when walking towards James and gently wraps a hand around his wrist to hopefully take his attention away from the old rope.

James' vision returns when he feels pressure on his wrist. Tender but firm, his gaze turns towards the feeling. There he makes eye contact with (Y/n), everything is still blurry, except for her face, looking upon him with great worry. A new pressure joins his other wrist, semi-forcefully taking his hands away from the most suffocating method of execution.

"James, come on." comes a soft voice. He blinks a few times, both his vision and hearing returning to him. That's when he sees (Y/n), standing right in front of him, holding his wrists firmly. “(Y/n)...” He utters, finally letting go of the rope. (Y/n)’s grip remains on his arms, keeping eye contact with him, grounding him back to this nightmarish reality. “It’s me, James. I found you.” She says hopeful. James almost couldn’t believe it, wringing one of his wrists out of her grasp, lifting his hand to pinch a strand of her hair between his fingers. Yeah, she is real.

James lets go and without thinking, wraps his arms around (Y/n) to hold her close, his face pressed into the fabric of her jacket. (Y/n) does not hesitate to return the embrace, hands rubbing over his back. He could nearly break down completely within the safety of her arms. 

Together at least…

_____________________________________

Probably the darkest thing I have written ever. But It’s Silent Hill, so...

 I didn’t try to dwell on it too much. But there is a good ending to it.

Thanks for reading.

-Smilex

[blueberrybladelemonade]

Comfort in You

Summary: You have a bad day and you go lay in bed with your thoughts. You forgot Peppino would be coming over today.

(Also a rare instance of YOU getting the comfort this time :3 )

Your eyes drifted absently over the assorted teas and coffee in the opened cabinet. It was then that you realized you didn't even remember boiling the water or opening the cabinet in front of you. Only that you entered the kitchen. You shook your head and rubbed your eyes, grabbing the nearest tea bag to drop in the hot water.

Your mind drifted lazily to a different line of thought. A prickling sensation made its way into your throat. You reflexively clenched your teeth to choke those feelings back down into your churning stomach.

You returned back to your bedroom, where your clothes from earlier today covered the floor. With a lazy kick out of the way you set your cup onto the end table. You made a mental note to pick those up later as you let your body collapse into the bed. The strain in your muscles, the tension, and anxiety, slowly began to melt as you lay against the cool fabric.

Despite this you didn't feel more relaxed. If anything, you felt empty. Cold. A shiver ran through as you body as you pulled the covers over yourself. With a flick of your hand, the lamp on your nightstand turned off.

Why can't you keep it together? Look how emotional you are. My God you're pathetic.

You squeeze your eyes shut so that the stinging tears don't escape. You shift and roll yourself into the sheets, holding it together. As if holding you together, as if it would contain the broken pieces of you.

Your mind drifted back to today. Was it today? Or had it been longer that you felt so empty? You replay what had caused you to feel so miserable. As your mind settles on that moment, you're unable to tear your thoughts away from it. You lost track of time as you lay in bed in that relentless loop. If you had drifted in and out of consciousness, you couldn't say. 

The bedroom door creaks, making your eyes snap open. 

"Y/N"? You hear a familiar voice. His voice. 

You grimace, feeling your body grow heavier. You were supposed to cook together today, you had completely forgotten. Should you pretend to be asleep?

Tentative shuffle of footsteps grew nearer, as did Peppino's voice. "Are you ok"?

You shrink into yourself, feeling your stomach drop, silently hoping that he would leave. But small part of you also didn't want him to. You didn't want him to see you like this. Frozen to the mattress, you stared vacantly at the wall your back remaining turned to him.

Your mouth parted slightly, then closed. You weren't really sure what to say. It felt as if a part of your essence was fading out of your body. " 'M fine, just tired." You lied, not wanting him to worry. 

Peppino quirked an eyebrow, observing your unmoving form with concern. Your usual demeanor was replaced with a much quieter, somber one. At your side you feel the bed sink with a new weight. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks gently. 

The feelings locked themselves firmly in your throat. You tried to swallow, but it felt like you couldn't function. The lump in your throat throbbed dully and each breath sent a tingling sting to your hands. 

With a shaky breath you force yourself to sit up, folding your trembling hands into your lap. When you only respond with silence, not evening looking at him, Peppino's gaze immediately softens. Noticing the pure sadness radiating off of you and the disheartened look across your features.

You peer over at him with moistened eyes, "I... don't know?" you answer before hanging your head low again. 

Peppino takes your hands, kissing them as he tells you it's alright. He opened his arms, mumbling a gentle "C'mere". You lean into him, which he responds by wrapping his arms around you. In another movement Peppino gently pulled you into his embrace, cradling your body against his. You nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck. 

"I've got-a you." He whispers next to your ear. 

" 'M sorry. It's stupid".

“It might-a be to you, but not to me". 

You don't remember when the first tear fell, just that your sounds came out muffled. What came out was nearly unintelligible while the voice in your head continued to berate you. 

Why are you like this? 

You were shushed as Peppino held you tighter, giving you the most secure and loving hug he could. "It's-a gonna be ok". 

No matter how much you feel like you aren't, no matter how much your mind tells you that you aren't. 

You inhale shakily before relaxing against him, his scent soothing you. A hint of bodywash still clung to his skin with a hint of sweat from the day. The familiarity put you at ease nonetheless, feeling your tension ever so slightly ease up as you clung to him. 

Peppino pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. You duck your head lower, burying your head into his chest, trying to absorb more of his warmth, clutching onto him as if to convince yourself that everything will be okay. He's so warm and you can feel and hear him breathing.

"You can-a talk whenever you feel like it, mia cara." The words fall from his lips in a murmur before Peppino begins soothingly running a hand up and down your back, placing another kiss on the top of your head. Tears well up in your eyes from all the emotions you’ve bottled up throughout the day. 

What felt like hours passed by. Peppino engulfed you in a comforting hold as you cried into his chest, rubbing your back as the emotional dam broke. As your tears begun to taper off, a pain pounded inside your head. 

You were so grateful to have Peppino, who loved you with everything in him. He would always be here to remind you that you can and will get through it. That you'll be ok. 

You tilt and lean your head up. Just enough to catch his lips in a slow soft kiss, a silent way of conveying you loved him, to thank him for being in your life. When you both break away, you settle your head back against his shoulder.

Peppino speaks up again, his gaze drifting to your nightstand.

"How about I-a make soup? Would you like that mia cara"?

You turn to look at him, giving a silent nod. "Can I help?" You mumble into his shirt. 

"Of course." He replies, pulling a tissue from the nearby box, handing it to you. As he helps you to sit up you exhale sharply. 

"I’m sorry you have to deal with me when I’m such a mess.” you say, guilt filling your voice.

Peppino trailed a hand down your arm, stopping at your hand to gently squeeze it. “Cara, you’re not-a mess. Everyone has-a bad days. I’ll still be here for you." He pulls you closer, his breath tickling your cheek as he places a light kiss against it. "Always".

[i-write-sometimes-maybe]

Nearly Defeated- Lady Lesso X EverTeacherFemReader!

Synopsis: You lost your magic, and without Lesso you don’t know what you would’ve done.

Warnings: Slight angst cause we’re a little emotional but no real warnings.

Word count: 2.9k

A/n: WOO! Another fic out! I’m so glad I can get more out for you guys. Also, thank you so much for all the likes and follows I’ve been getting! You have no idea how happy it makes me. I’m slowly but surely getting my motivation back after having my job destroy it. All likes, comments, and reblogs are welcomed!

©️This is my work, you have no right to repost my work for any reason without my explicit permission, all rights reserved.

☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎☁︎︎

It was three days ago. You know to the hour. Three days ago your powers, your finger glow, just stopped. Not sputtering, not weak, not temperamental, it's just gone.

You noticed when trying to use your magic for something small, you were too focused on the fact that your magic wasn't working to remember what you even wanted to do to begin with, and you thought that maybe it was just your magic deciding to be picky. So you tried it again on a different task, but the results were the same.

To say you were confused and upset was an understatement. You were feeling so many things and none of them were good feelings. As time went on, you became increasingly frustrated because you never realized just how much you relied on your magic.

You tried hiding not only your lack of magic use but also how you were feeling about the situation. And even though you were a teacher for The School of Good, your students didn't catch on. There were some questioning looks about your slight shift but none of them really cared too much to ask. You were able to hide it well enough from Dovey and Anemone, seeing as you really only saw them during meal times and you didn't need to use your magic during that.

However, the Dean of Evil wasn't convinced everything was fine. You knew she could tell that something was off, but didn't know what exactly it was. She's very observant so it wasn't all that surprising, and she's your girlfriend so of course she'll immediately catch on to the different moods that settled within you.

In your defense, you wanted to tell her, to see if maybe there was something she could do, but your worries told you it wasn't a good idea. What if she'd find you pathetic? What if she doesn't want to be with someone without magic? What if she finds you weak and no longer good enough to be with her? And those are the reasons you've kept a bit of distance.

And caught on she did. Lesso was mentally tracking the different occurrences of your mood shifts, just waiting to see if there was something specifically causing it or if you were just having a moody day. But once that 'moody day' was on day three, she knew something was wrong.

And that's what led you here. Lesso called you into her office. Of course, you knew the reason, you aren't thick. But maybe, just maybe, if you played dumb you could get away with not telling her.

Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was leaning against her desk in front of you.

You were twiddling your thumbs as both of you remained silent, waiting to see who'd break first. Lesso knew you'd be stubborn about this, but she wouldn't admit she finds it cute.

You pursed your lips when you saw her eyebrow raise and you knew she was beginning to lose her patience.

"Okay, out with it. What's going on?" She lowered her gaze in an attempt to pry it out of you.

And if you know anything from being with Lesso, the things she taught you, you'd never break that easy. And you both were well aware of that.

"I don't think I know what you mean." You remained nonchalant, not letting on to your frustrations with the situation.

"Baby, come on. I know something going on, or else you wouldn't be avoiding me." Damn her pet names for you.

Your facade faltered for a moment, briefly showing your panic, and Lesso saw it. She knew there was something wrong.

It was already hard enough to keep it from her, but seeing and hearing her concern was making it increasingly difficult.

She reached out for your hands in an attempt for comfort before you flinched away, you weren't sure why. This really confused Lesso.

But you couldn't hide it anymore.

You abruptly stood from the chair and immediately started pacing the room, the beginning of your tears weren't noticed by you.

"Leo, I don't know what to do! I-I've tried everything!"

She didn't want to admit it, but this whole situation and how you were acting, was really concerning her. But she didn't want you to know that, it may upset you further.

Lesso stood up, now facing you, "What? What happened, love?"

"I lost my magic! Leo... It's gone." A strangled sob came from you, finally letting out your annoyance.

"Wha- I'm sure that's not true." You stopped pacing and faced her, you knew she wasn't accusing you of lying but that she simply couldn't believe it.

You didn't look away from her eyes as you moved your hand to attempt to light her fireplace, nothing happening.

Then you walked over to her couch and to her constantly unorganized stack of books, the very one that she knows annoys the hell out of you and waved your hand over it. Nothing happened.

You turned back to her desk, your last move was an attempt to grade the sheets of paper that were askew on it. But nothing.

"Leo, I have no magic. It's gone. Nothing, not even a little bit." She could hear the annoyance in your voice, but she also heard the fear you were trying to conceal.

Your pacing picked up again, and you started rubbing your temples as the thoughts started racing and the tears started flowing again.

"I mean, you're the most powerful person I know!" You glanced at her with worry laced in your features. "What if I'm not good enough for you? Or- or what if you don't want to be with me anymore? I can't do anything anymore, I'm not good en-"

She grabbed your wrists to stop your pacing.

"Absolutely not. Y/n, no. That's my girlfriend you're talking bad about, and I won't let that slide," She tried to lighten the mood. "But don't think like that. Your abilities are not why I'm with you. I don't care if you have magic or not."

You looked at her with the tears streaming down your face, your mind was feeding itself with lies again, "You don't?"

She reached out and started drying your tear-stained face, "Of course not. I'm with you, because you're amazing,"

"But, I'm no-"

A playful smirk came to her face, "Evers and their need to be perfect at everything. To me," She pulled you closer to her body. "You are perfect as is."

"Besides, now you just have to come to me for help anyways." She loved when you came to her for anything, but especially when you needed help. You never asked anyone else for help.

Well, in all honestly, you never needed help. You just loved seeing how Lesso would light up every time you came to her for something.

"I don't know what to do." You planted your head into the crook of her neck, a sigh being emitted from you when she started rubbing your back.

"I'm not sure what we can do. How long has it been like this?"

"Three days..." You whispered.

"Thr- love, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

You felt a little ashamed for not coming to her sooner, "I don't know, I was kind of hoping it would've come back before you could even notice it was gone."

"Well, if waiting it out won't work then to the library we go." She gave no room for your response, instantly grabbing your hand and pulling you out of her office.

Once in the library, both of you began searching in any magic-related book for any possible solution. You thought your attempts were in vain, with nothing coming up that could at least provide information on why it happened.

Until Lesso found something.

The book summarized that although rare, it's possible to lose magical gifts. Some instances last a few days while others are more... long-term.

As Lesso read that you may have permanently lost your abilities, your worries returned but are now worse. Before you could spiral further, Lesso pulled you flush against her again.

"Love, hey, it says that permanent loss is the rarest case. We probably just have to wait a few more days. And in that time, we can do more research. Maybe even look to outside resources," She briefly scratched her nails on your scalp. "I fully believe they'll come back. We just need to be patient."

"But, I don't want to be patient! You have no idea how annoying it is to not have magic after experiencing the luxury of magic." You grumbled into her shoulder.

Lesso stifled a laugh, "Maybe not, but at least you're not doing this alone." She placed both of her hands around your head and positioned you to look at her, keeping her eyes locked on yours so you can see the sincerity of her words.

Of course, you knew she was being entirely sincere and honest, that's your Leo for you. No matter what you were experiencing, you knew you wouldn't be alone in it. Even if she had no idea what you were feeling, she would always try to make you feel better.

And she always did. There was just something about her that always made things better.

And something inside you told you that this would be no different.

"Thank you, Leo. I don't know what I'd do without you."

She smirked, "Oh, probably perish. Or-" You cut her off with a playful smack to her shoulder, lightly rolling your eyes.

You wouldn't tell her that she was probably right and definitely adorable.

"Okay, okay. You're welcome, my dove."

You bit back your smile and just pecked her lips again, moving to hide your face in her neck. There was no real reason for that besides the immense amount of comfort she brings you.

"But really, how long do you think it'll be gone?" Lesso let out a loud laugh at your question.

"I'm not sure, love. But you know dwelling on the fact you don't have it will make it seem longer."

"I know." You were well aware that you were pouting, but you didn't care.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been four more days. One week. One total week since you became magic-less. To your credit, you still tried to use your powers up until today. Just hoping that they'd come back by chance.

But they hadn't.

You spent most of today sulking, your hope becoming almost entirely diminished. And on top of that, you didn't feel good. Well, it's not like you felt sick, you felt strange. You couldn't get comfortable, no matter what you did. It was annoying and there was no way to describe it.

You just wanted to curl up next to Lesso on her couch and have her read to you while you watch the flames dance in her fireplace.

And that's what you've been doing for the last 20 minutes. Trying to get comfortable. You succumbed to your discomfort and gave in to thinking about your Leo. Your classes were done for the day so you had free time, but you knew that Lesso still had the things she needed to work on and wouldn't be done for another hour-ish.

But there was suddenly a shift, you felt even more weird than before, then something changed. You weren't in your classroom thinking about Leo anymore, now you were in her office.

She hadn't even looked up from her paper, your presence going unnoticed. You must've come in silently. But how the hell did you get in?

"What the fuck?" You were beyond confused, looking around and at yourself. You were entirely intact still.

You teleported. You teleported? You were never able to do that before.

Lesso startled in her chair, but she hid her reaction, not hearing you enter, "How did you get in here? My office was locked? I didn't hear you?"

Both of you looked at each other in disbelief at your sudden emergence.

"I- I don't know. One moment I was thinking of you, and the next I'm here."

She smirked, "You were thinking of me?"

You gave her a pointed glare, "I'm choosing to not focus on that right now."

"Right, right, right... so what did you do?"

"Nothing! I was just thinking!"

"And you were suddenly here?"

You shrugged, "Well, I mean I've felt strange all day but it felt even more intense just before I arrive here."

"Interesting. Have you tried your magic at all today?"

You lightly bit your bottom lip, "Uh, no."

"You were fully convinced you had lost your magic weren't you?" Lesso asked though it wasn't a question but a statement because she knew you all too well.

"Yes..."

"Well, what are you waiting for?!" Lesso stood up from her chair and started walking to you, confusion was evident on your face. "Try it out! Do something! Maybe you can do more than you could before!"

You thought about it, she had a point. Especially since you teleported into her office, you must have at least something back.

"Okay," You took this opportunity to reorganize her books, waving your hand in the direction of the stack by her couch.

You smiled in glee as the books replaced themselves on her shelf. A chuckle came from Lesso because, of course, she should've known that would've been the first thing you tried.

"Did you see that?!" You glanced back to Lesso but your excitement took over and your eyes didn't linger long enough to her her own excitement.

You decided to test her theory, maybe you could do more now. After all, you did get here just by thinking.

Leo watched you as intently as you were looking at her fireplace. You were thinking of nothing but lighting it. Your glare narrowed at the fireplace as you focused on lighting it. Just as you were about to give in and try your hand wave, it lit. It lit by you just thinking about it.

"Oh shit!" Your mouth was dropped open but the words didn't come from you.

Lesso almost couldn't believe it. And she wouldn't have if she hadn't just witnessed it.

"You just- with no- damn!"

Usually, you would've found her response funny if you weren't currently experiencing that exact response.

Just then, an idea popped into your head. You had plenty of time to figure out what all you could do exactly, but this? This you wanted, no need, to find out now.

You wordlessly walked up to Leo, her eyes curiously examining you, "You're not going to set me on fire next, right? I mean that would be totally badass but I'd rather you not."

You just chuckled and grabbed her hands, interlocking your fingers with hers, "No, I'm not going to set you on fire. I just, I have something I want to try?"

She looked between your eyes, both of you getting lost in each others, "Okay, anything."

Your grip on her hands tightened and you stepped closer to her, your eyes closing for a brief moment as you thought about where you wanted to go.

You had that weird feeling again and you opened your eyes, yours instantly locked on hers. And hers were locked on yours until you both looked around at where you now were.

The sudden breeze distracted you.

You were outside, in the gardens.

It worked. It worked? It worked!

"Yes!" You celebrated.

"You can relocate? Like, anywhere you chose? This, this is where you wanted to go right?" Lesso looked back at you.

"Yes! Yes and yes." The smile Lesso gave you made your heart swell.

She wrapped her arms around you and picked you up, instantly spinning you around.

"That's amazing! Dove, your powers are back. And better than before." She planted kisses all over your face, her happiness at your magic being returned matching yours.

"That's my powerful girl." Your cheeks reddened at her words until you got lost in the gleam that was sparkling in her eyes.

"Thank you, Leo. All thanks to you."

She looked at you with confusion, "As much as I'd love the credit for this, Dove, I've had no contribution to this. This was all you."

"Maybe, but you kept me hopeful and you stayed by my side. So, I have every reason to thank you too."

She smiled and leaned down to capture your lips with hers, all words and emotions being portrayed in it.

"But, I am curious to see what all you can do now."

And for at least the rest of the day, you tried seeing what all was different with your magic. Leo stayed by your side and supported you, but also curiously watched. Maybe with a smidge of envy too, she loved that you finally had the magic you deserved but a part of her wanted that too.

The main thing you noticed, besides the teleportation, is everything you could do with the wave of your hand before, you could do with a simple thought.

You knew you were going to have fun discovering all you can do, and with the new ease they have. But hands down the best part was being able to get to Leo as soon as you want, and being able to go anywhere you want, especially with her.

Yeah, you were gonna have fun.

🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮🝮

Taglist: @v3nusxsky @littledollll, this was in the works for a while so I hope you guys like it! <3

[e-m-p-error]

Regarding My Absence

Below the cut is some real life stuff that I've been going through. I don't want to post a lot of details but there's stuff that I probably need to tell y'all. This is not a vague post about someone, this is not a callout post. This is informative about what I've been going through for the last month. Please be aware that I do not name drop or even give many details in the following post.

CW: Drug use, relapse, self-deprecation, Rejection Sensitive Disphoria, hopelessness, trauma mention

So I've been experiencing a lot of emotional turmoil for the month of May and I'm still really fragile. I won't go into details, but it involved my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and a friend that is no longer a friend.

I've been struggling with who I am as a person and reconciling that with what was said to me about why things weren't working. I feel the need to change, but the problem was that I don't want to become cruel or mean. I want to remain a kind and understanding person, I just feel like I shouldn't because I was too much again.

I have a lot of trauma around being "too much" for people and I've always coped by making myself less. But I can't do that this time and it's been causing me a lot of panic, anxiety, and upset. I feel like a bad person for being a good person, and it's been really hard.

I had a relapse into my drug habit after 14 years sober. I was so upset and beside myself I didn't know what to do, and I messed up.

I've been really fragile and hopeless for a while. I've been worried about my cat's health, as well, he has Tourette's and he hasn't been doing as well lately. I'm really concerned for him. We lost several mice, we have lost a cat this year, I'm still not over my grandmother's death last year...

I've had so much loss and I'm so scared.

I've also been diagnosed with more mental illness and while I'm finding ways to adapt and help, it does make me feel sensitive and scared to talk about it with most people.

This blog has always been my escape from the bad shit in my life, but I really dropped the ball and haven't been here. I need to try and come back to the things that make me happy.

I've also been feeling like I don't really belong in the community again. I don't think this is anyone's fault, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. But I feel like I should just delete my blog and my Discord and everything and just leave entirely. I keep myself from doing it but I want to.

I am also currently working on a Resident Evil (4/7/8) blog that I plan on writing alongside this one. I have Kinktober, Kinksgiving, and Kinkmas prompts that I'm working on for my resource blog. I'm trying to get back to writing fic and posting it. I've been getting into some rp servers on Discord. I'm trying, honestly. I just need patience and kindness right now.

If you read this, thank you for getting through to the end. If not, no hard feelings, I know it's a lot and has some touchy subject matter.

[cosmicjoke]

https://www.tumblr.com/cosmicjoke/757516383076679680/alright-well-first-of-all-id-like-to-say-that

While I understand both Anon's objections and your explanation for the way it is like it is, I gotta admit I'm getting tired of Levi's unending suffering. It's true recovery is not linear, the relapses are fine, but the amount of external shit happening to him is too much too. I really need him to stop suffering. Preferably with a happy ending, but really, at this point, I'd welcome just an ending. I get a little depressed/ anxious with each update when I see there's no final chapter yet, and thus no foreseeable end to the constant whumping. :( I may have met my Angst ceiling.

You're free to stop reading any time you want. It's not like anyone is holding a gun to your head and "forcing" you to read my story. If it's really causing you to feel "depressed" and "anxious", again, it's your responsibility to look out for your own mental health, not mine.

And I'm sorry, but this much bad shit can and does happen to people in real life. If you don't want to read about it, that's fine, and if you don't have the patience to wait for me to get to his eventual recovery, again, you don't have to read it. But I'm not going to tailor my story to your specific needs, I'm afraid.

My answer to that anon ask wasn't a free invite for people to just come in and dump on my story, by the way. I said "constructive criticism". Telling me you get depressed reading my story and telling me you think it's "too much" what Levi is suffering through isn't constructive, it's just criticism.

Stories have to have catalysts for why things happen. Otherwise, there's nothing to hold the readers interest and nothing to drive the story forward. There has to be conflict, whether that's internal or external. There's been maybe 3 or 4 external events that have contributed to Levi's internal issues in my story, so I don't know what you're talking about with there being too much "external shit". Most of the external things that have happened to Levi in my story have been a catalyst for his other mental and physical problems compounding. One is necessary for explaining the other. Both his mental and physical illnesses in my story are the result of one another, being compounded by one another. It's rare for either mental or physical illnesses to exist in a vacuum. They always have a high rate of comorbidity.

Like I said, if you don't enjoy the story anymore, then I don't know why you're still reading it. It's marked as "angst" and "heavy angst", and "hurt/comfort". It has all the appropriate tags. You know what you're getting into, so complaining about the dark content and saying it's "too much" and claiming that it's triggering you in some way isn't valid. That's a you problem.

I think your issue may be that you think a happy ending requires Levi to be fully healed from his trauma, but the reality of trauma is, you never really get rid of it. You learn to live with it, but it never disappears completely. So if you want or expect there to be some miraculous moment of recovery for Levi where he simply no longer suffers from any of the issues I've presented in the story ever again, then I'm afraid you're going to be sorely disappointed, and you should probably just drop it, because I can't and won't give you what you want.

This is meant to be a realistic depiction of chronic mental and physical illness, and in reality, it's often the case that those things remain lifelong problems for people. You can't just hand-wave them away, and I refuse to do so just because my story might make some readers uncomfortable.

[merakiui]

Hooooooooly crap your latest Azul fic is probably the most intense, jaw-dropping roller coaster ride I've ever been on. Like oh my gosh, starting it off with such a suspenseful scene was such a good way of getting the reader's attention- not to mention the spiral as to how it even gets to that point. The in-betweens were so fucking good!

Absolutely obsessed with the way you describe the scenery and the inner turmoil, like it's so poetic and just creates such a delicious imagery!! The fluffiness in the first vow was soooo tooth rottingly sweet- Like holy crap got me giggling and kicking my feet over here. I absolutely adore the way you wrote the mc, especially with how well she was at handling Azul's negativity and self-deprecation at the start. Just the way you're able to make the reader's feel the same way as the mc- I was SEETHING. The amount of times I got so frustrated with Azul- Especially with how he tried to get her to stop working, like dawg, she's doin' it cause she likes it, JUST LET HER HAVE THIS ONE THING

I was so glad when mc called it off when she did, cause ain't no way Azul was talking about some "You don't care for me as much if I'm healthy" LIKE WTF ARE YOU SAYING?? LITERALLY RIPPING MY PILLOW TO SHREDS RN

Aaaaaaa and oh my gosh the way mc just snaps- just says 'fuck it' and just lets everything out was so satisfying yet also so scary cause like- bro's definitely not gonna just accept that. Holy crap the bits of dialogue as he realizes mc was leaving- I can't. I'm not okay. Like the build up?? Like we know what's about to happen, but the way we see his perspective as it's about it happen- My mouth is agape. Eyes bulging out of skull- THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD SCENE!! Actual chills

Ending it on the hospital scene as his mentality just reverts back to how things were before her- Ugh... I can't- I can't function anymore. I have never been gagged so much by fanfic- like the life has been sucked out of me in the best way possible

Definitely will be re-reading, there's no way I could be fine with reading it only once

Such a satisfying conclusion too- like oh my gosh <3

OMG OMG THANK YOU!!!!! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH AAAAAAAAAAAA (≧◡≦) ♡

I wanted it to feel like a fic that suffocates you with sadness and emptiness while you're reading it, so opening with the aftermath of the murder felt appropriate! It sets such a haunting mood because you don't quite know why Azul did this or what happened for things to turn out this way (until you read the end of the fic), which only makes it more unsettling the further you read.

:D I'm so happy you enjoyed many aspects of the fic, especially the short-lived fluff in the beginning! I think that was my favorite part to write out of everything (although the hospital scene is a close second). Azul and Reader were so genuinely cute together in that scene. T_T if only it could be like that always...

And I'm especially happy you liked the way I wrote the reader's character here!!!! I wanted her to be more in tune with emotions than Azul is because it felt like a nice contrast to the very out-of-control, emotional Azul. She's honestly such a sweetheart who is just trying her best to be genuinely kind and loving despite the situation. Azul is so frustrating here, so the fact that Reader could remain patient and gentle throughout six entire years of their marriage... It felt satisfying to write her finally snapping at him, so I'm glad that was a scene you could enjoy! I liked switching perspectives partway through as the focus strays from the subject of Reader and her bringing up the divorce to Azul's disturbing behaviors as he begins to lose himself to his fears and insecurities. And then he just shuts off and tragedy ensues. >_< it's heartbreaking and scary and so many other unfortunate things!!!

And the hospital scene oooooo yes yes!!!!! Azul's psychology in this fic is so fascinating to me. He really did mean it when he said the reader was his world, so with her no longer in it his entire existence undergoes this drastic shift and suddenly he's not whole. He's lost a vital part of himself, the part that felt loved and appreciated, and so now he's back to floating through life with this lonesome emptiness and self-hatred. Now the world is small and devoid of color. Now it's just monochrome and cold.

Aaaaaaaa I loved writing him in this state of slow, uncertain delirium and the way he panics when the nurses won't answer his questions. I also greatly enjoyed writing him using the phrase "my wife" over and over because Reader is no longer just her own person to him. She's Azul's. His wife. And then there's also the symbolism in Azul killing Reader and knowing that no one else will have her ever again and that, because he got to take her life for himself, it will be no one else's. It's not even Reader's anymore.

Forgive my ramblings!!! I'm just very happy to know you liked the fic and that you will be reading it again!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!! 💖

[nabaath-areng]

I feel so strange thinking about how I considered myself "new" in FFXIV for the longest time, as when I started playing there were so many legacy players around. I saw their mounts and their titles, I talked to them, played with them, and to me they were the experienced ones teaching me how to play my first MMO. For years I considered myself a newbie.

And then, just the other day, I see in the chat of an FC I was invited to on an alt, people talking about having played for a long time, and their longest playing member having been around for 5 years. It hit me just how long of a time that is, and how much longer passed before I'd even realized it.

I ask others if they remember various things from the past, and I can count on one hand the amount of people I meet in recent years who do. So many things I still consider new and flashy, like Gpose and job gauges for instance, have now been in the game far longer than they have not. It's a strange situation caused by me losing about a decade's worth of memories and life (due to mental health issues that practically broke me) as well as the normal feeling ot time passing without me really thinking about it. Less and less did I see the legacy titles and mounts, but I didn't pay much heed. Until one day I suddenly stop and look around, realizing that I haven't seen any legacy players at all for a while. I'm certain they're out there, but most likely not in the same sheer abundance as before.

It's a bit similar to real life, where my home was once just an old, secluded village that have now become geographically closer to the city without ever moving. Where the others I used to surround myself with have all moved on in slow trickles over the years, and where I cannot expect everyone to remember the same things that I do. So many new people everywhere, some that cause lines in the grocery store that can afford to keep running after all these years, and some that fail to load in on my weak little laptop's screen.

It's like I have two homes mirroring each other, and obviously that means I age in both of them. I bought this game as a gift for myself on my 18th birthday... and here I am 10 years later, turning 28 today, and realizing that I'm still here in both places despite everything. Waiting for another expansion all over again, just like when I was staying alive just because I wanted to play Heavensward so bad.

I can't even begin to count just how many people I've known and interacted with throughout the years in this game. There are memories that my years of paranoia and psychosis stole from me (something which I only shook off the last remnants of half a year ago), of people who I know were important to me but who I'm also unable recall much about beyond their names, which is something which fills me with both deep shame and sorrow. Some I remain in touch with to this day, and some I am mutuals with on various sites, even if we don't chat regularly anymore.

There's a lot that I don't remember, or that I even memorized in the first place. Things have changed time and again for both better and worse. But FFXIV has remained a constant throughout it all, even when I've been unsubbed due to lack of a PC and just on a general break.

I don't know what my point is with all of this really, but I guess I just really wanted to get it off my chest. It's not all sunshine and rainbows these days either, but my mental health is better than it's ever been, I have a partner and friends and family who all mean the world to me, and even though some things will forever be less than ideal, I am so so so happy that I didn't give up. Staying alive really was the best decision I ever made ❤️

[ovwechoes]

OVW Mains and Horror Books (Recommendations) This is completely self indulgent I'm so normal about the horror genre, especially novels, and if I don't assign some I've really enjoyed these past few months I think I might go a little insane (btw if you send me a rqst asking for some for ur own mains I'll cry in happiness) TW/CWs are labelled with each book, please read them and take them into consideration before reading anything recommended below - enjoy! Characters: Ana, Ashe, Sombra, and Zarya.

If you main Ana, you might enjoy… A Collapse of Horses by Brian Evenson! This is an anthology series with a plethora of short stories intertwined with themes of perception vs. reality, dependence on the known and surrealism into each one, connecting them all unanimously. Each story is different, offering a new setting with characters you can't help but feel something for, which I really loved. I think Ana would enjoy this novel simply because she doesn't need to dedicate too much time to each short story, finding that they serve her well with how short they can be. As well, each one leaves with open ended questions left in the reader's mind that Ana would enjoy considering and discussing with others. It's a good read if you're wanting to take a step back, enjoy something not entirely focused on a complicated, long plotline and have a taste for horror. TW/CWs include: violence and gore, mental illness and psychological distress, death and suicide, existential dread and nihilism, body horror and disfigurement, child endangerment and death, and isolation and despair.

If you main Ashe, you might enjoy… The Rats by James Herbert! People might expect Elizabeth to be enamoured with the wild west, consuming nothing but that genre. However, I like to think that she enjoys monster stories, especially ones based in reality with how the creatures causing havoc came to be. ‘Rats’ satisfies that for her, serving as a novel where you follow a school teacher tasked with helping overcome the swarm of rats unlike any other that've affected London before - their bite can kill, and they have a lust for flesh that can't be contained. It was one of the first books I read after a reading slump, and it reignited my love for horror novels completely. I think that Elizabeth would enjoy the action in the book, whilst finding the bloody details enjoyable to read. TW/CWs include: violence and gore, animal cruelty, themes of fear and paranoia, body horror, mental illness, death and injury, and unsettling depictions of survival and despair.

If you main Sombra, you might enjoy… Rabbits by Terry Miles! This novel explores a reality where Rabbits is a secretive, underground and dangerous game with a high reward for it's players - you're reading as one of them, as you uncover exactly what that reward is. Sombra might enjoy the book because of it's themes of obsession, the nature of reality, and the consequences of playing a game that has real-life impacts. The tension mixed with the mystery makes this novel all the more enjoyable, and I feel like Olivia would appreciate the reminder to remove herself from online spaces and take a moment in reality. It's hard for her to remain focused on novels, especially longer horror ones, but she thoroughly would enjoy this one. TW/CWs include: graphic violence, themes of obsession and paranoia, mental illness, death and injury, existential dread, and unsettling situations involving survival and the unknown.

If you main Zarya, you might enjoy… Piercing by Ryu Murakami! I think that Aleksandra would be squeamish to horror, not enjoying it visually because of jump scares and reading because of the way they can settle under her skin and make her feel uncomfortable. However, one she would probably enjoy is this one as it's much more mild with it's themes compared to others in this post. You follow a young man who's tackling his trauma-driven, obsessive thoughts about harming his new born child (he doesn't don't worry), and how he's going to enact it on a prostitute. It has a beautifully written plot exploring the way trauma can impact behaviour and mindset, and would definitely make Aleksandra consider how her own has changed her. It's not necessarily long, so if you wanted to, you could finish it in one sitting, just like I and Aleksandra did/would. But, it's one that really sticks with you and makes you feel as though it's stained on your mind with it's vivid details. TW/CWs include: graphic violence and gore, themes of sexual violence, mental illness, disturbing psychological content, and depictions of obsession and trauma.

[yooniesim]

hey guys, hope yall are doing well as usual! 💗 I think I'm gonna be on break a little while longer.

I'm not sure quite how long. I might be back into it in a day or a week or a month, I just don't know how I'm gonna feel, haha. It's nothing to do with anything here, or sims burn out or something like that (ok, maybe a little burnout, but not much). My mental health just has not been the best all round for a little bit. Often times I'm very tired and struggle with anything besides sleep. I don't have access to meds atm and there's going to be hurdles to climb to improve the situation I'm in now, that sometimes feel like molehills and sometimes like mountains. Life is very heavy now. And while sims remains one source of comfort, simblr has become less so. Sometimes when I rest, things that were said here come back to me and stick in my brain, weigh on my heart instead of lightening it. Usually, seeing good comments from friends and funny asks and people enjoying my cc balances that out, but sometimes it doesn't. It's all things over and done with, that the people involved probably didn't think about then and certainly don't now, and yet I still do. It takes time to forget things like that. Even if it is really just crumbs compared to everything else I'm experiencing, sometimes it's like the little tiny feather landing on a gigantic pile that just causes it all to collapse. But I think, maybe, venting these feelings will help. I know that many of you probably also suffer with depression, self-doubt, intrusive thoughts and other negative emotions. And probably also had (possibly many) indeterminate hiatuses. Besides just keeping yall updated, posting like this feels helpful because I know there are others here that understand that weight. And when I do see good comments from yall, it reminds me that, there is a lot of good here on simblr. That we're all just people trying to connect with people, in the forms of silly lil sims. That lifts my mood a lot.

Ah. Here i am on another tangent lol. I've gone so far off my original point, but. Bringing it in... it may be a while before I'm truly back in form, so to speak. I want to post things here still when I have the energy and motivation. But I dont have a schedule for that just yet. I'll just be taking each day as it comes.

Thank you to the ppl that leave me nice replies and mention me even when I'm on hiatus. Thank you to the two people that donated to my patreon!!! I was so shocked to get notifs haha. Thank you to my lovely mutuals and everyone that downloads my cc. I'm really grateful to everyone!!! I love yall.

And yes...... I will make more teef 😬 just be patient 😉

Now. Back to the skyrim tiddy mods 🤧

[the-little-ewok]

A more permanent hiatus from writing

So I have made the difficult decision to stop writing, at least for Tumblr etc, on a more permanent basis. I appreciate and love every single one of you who have taken the time to read, comment, reblog, send requests and prompts. Writing saved me from a very dark place and helped me come to terms with some things.

I've had an absolute blast interacting with everyone and I won't be removing my masterlist so that will stay for people to re-read if they want.

The fact is after some big life changes and the way things are here on Tumblr right now (more on both of these points below for those who want more personal details), I just don't have the time or energy to continue writing and it has become no longer a temporary hiatus. I'm afraid this may be permanent for now.

I will remain on Tumblr just no longer as a writer.

For those who want to read no further I bid you farewell, and thanks for all the fish 💜

Tw for the below : Miscarriage, pregnancy, mental health, general complaintyness, probably too much personal details 😂

For those of you who want a better explanation on why im leaving writing..

I came to writing fanfic again after the loss of my daughter. We spent a long time trying to get pregnant, only to loose her to a premature birth (second trimester miscarriage) and then told there was no guarantee I could ever carry a child to full term. Tumblr saved me from being in a very dark place with knowing this information. The people I met here are some of the best. I loved writing, and I loved that my writing brought joy to people. It brought a light back into my life and helped me do something to distract myself. I'm greatful for every single person who interacted with my fics. You have no idea how much your support, comments, reblogs and GIFs helped me. It helped me slowly come back to myself again.

Recently we have been incredibly blessed with a rainbow baby after an extremely stressful high risk pregnancy which absolutely took it out of me both physically and mentally, and caused me to take an initial step back from writing.

I sort of underestimated how much having a child would take out of my time and I honestly just do not have the time to write now. When I do have time im probably found catching up on sleep 😂

I really thought eventually I would come back to writing and don't get me wrong, I have 10000 ideas pinging around my brain and about 15 half finished WIP but the thing is, right now I got to prioritise family time. I am adjusting to life as a mom and just a general different pace of life. I feel it would be rude of my to continue to string people along thinking I will finish your requests or that WIP I've promised may eventually appear. And I guess maybe one day they will. But I can't make that promise and I feel guilty for continuing to pretend I'll get to them eventually. So please, accept my apologies if you were waiting on something. I know a bunch of amazing writers if anyone would like their request passed onto them to be fulfilled!

Second big reason for me leaving writing is .. interaction. The absolute lack of comments, reblog, messages, anything, is unreal. Anyone can click the like button but what writers need is something that makes them feel like you actually read their work, that you enjoyed it, that you want more. Please for those writers you follow, drop them a message about their fics, ask them questions, discuss headcannons, reblog their work, tell them what your favourite line was. Anything! Blind reblog with no comments and likes make writers feel like they put in all the effort for no reward. Interact with your writers people!

So that's what it is. Maybe one day I'll post my writings again, maybe I won't. For now I'll leave you in the capable hands of the incredible Tumblr writers that remain, and again, thank you so much for every comment and reblog. I love you guys!!

[teaveetamer]

The idea that "criticizing female wrongdoers is evil" is not exclusive to Edelgard stans, unfortunately.

Back when Once Upon a Time was on the air, Regina Mills committed mass murder, rape, brainwashing, etc. Yet she had a similar "Cult of Personality" fanbase that would constantly scream at you at the top of their lungs if you criticized Regina even slightly. And they actually managed to succeed in turning Regina into a "Black Hole Sue" that constantly had everyone (including her biggest victims) kiss her ass.

And in the Avatar fandom, Azula fans have gotten crazier, screaming at the top of their lungs that Zuko is a terrible person because he ran away from the sister who tormented him for years.

And in the Castlevania fandom, fans make excuses for Lenore, who treated Hector like a sex slave through magical enslavement.

And don't even get anon started on Ragyo Kiryuin from Kill la Kill, who sexually abused her own daughter, and still had fans make excuses for her.

Something about modern fandom culture seems to drive people to worship female abusers and murderers, as if women aren't subject to the same laws and consequences as other people. It's a dangerous mindset, and worst of all, it's spreading.

Every generation of young people becomes the next generation of leaders, and anon fears for the future when these people will eventually be running the world.

I feel like female antagonists are a lightning rod for it right now, but I wouldn't say it's even exclusive to fictional women. I wouldn't even say it's really a modern fandom culture problem. It's a human problem. Humans in general have a fascination with authority, power, and confidence. That's why authoritarian regimes rise and fall throughout all of human history, and why so many of our oldest tales are about remaining humble and not abusing power.

It is something we have dealt with countless times before, and it's something we will continue to deal with until we destroy it or it destroys us.

I find several things far more concerning for the future of our society than the media being consumed and/or justified by modern fandom. Because I don't think media causes the problem, I think the way fans behave about media is a symptom of the problem (and sometimes that behavior needs to be called out, but it's not the media's fault necessarily).

Speaking as an American, I think the biggest thing threatening our youth, at this point, is the infantalization of adolesence, the ridiculous amount of monitoring and controlling of children and teens, and the intense social isolation born from essentially being a prisoner in your own home until you're 16 years old (and longer if your family can't afford to get you your license or a car).

I don't honestly believe that most kids and teens would spend so much time consuming media and arguing about it on the internet, basically living tethered to social media, if they were allowed to walk to the park by themselves and play with their friends, or if a teen could reliably get to their friends' house across town and hang out somewhere with them where they wouldn't be seen as a nuisance or dangerous, or if they could get to meetups and hobbies and meet people without needing to beg mom and dad for a ride every time. No one wants to be terminally online, but what choice do a lot of kids even have these days? When walking to the corner store down the street is so dangerous that it's basically a death sentence, because there's no sidewalks and everyone is driving Sherman tank sized SUVs and trucks 25 miles over the limit?

Like I was a kid before a lot of this stuff was getting really bad, and even I feel like I was robbed because I had to waste so much of my adolescence stuck behind a screen. There was no one to talk to IRL unless you were lucky enough to live in the same neighborhood as your friends (I did not), nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no way to get there until I turned 16. That's absolute murder on your mental health, so it's no wonder kids are latching onto anything to fill the gaps.

And I dunno. It's sad that these days our childhoods are defined not by who we knew or where we went or what we did, but by what corporate schlock we consumed.

That's not even getting into how that extreme isolation and inability to escape intensifies abusive environments. Imagine being a 14 year old queer kid in a hostile household, and the nearest LGBTQ+ community center is a 45 minute drive away. Not only are you stuck in an environment that's rapidly deteriorating your mental (and possibly physical) health, you need to ask your abusers to drive you to the place where you might find community, acceptance, and resources. That, or you need to get very adept at figuring out who is a safe adult to ask for that stuff, with the knowledge that every person you tell risks outing you to even more people who might wish you harm, or bringing backlash on you in the home.

Just. Fuck car-centric infrastructure, okay? Fuck it all to hell. I hate it here. Bully your representatives at every level of government to transition to walkable, human-scale cities with mixed use development as the standard. It's better for the environment, better for your health (both mental and physical), better for the community, and better for life. I genuinely believe this is one of the problems that, if we fix it, is going to domino effect into fixing a whole lot of other shit.

I got a little off topic, look up Not Just Bikes on Youtube he's great at presenting persuasive arguments you can bring around to your representatives.

[poems-of-a-lover]

This is in regards to that post you made today, about anon messages. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don't really know where to turn.

Basically, I was born into a very controlling religion, probably borderline cult known as Jehovah's Witnesses. They believe they have the "truth", and that they need to remain separate from the "world" as Jesus supposedly commanded because the end/apocalypse could come at any time and they need to stay away from Satan.

I'm 17 now, about to start my last year of high school this fall and I'm a gay trans man (very much not to the knowledge of my family). My best friend since sixth grade is also trans, and I'm surrounded by lots of queer people (I live in a more accepting area/state). Thankfully, my parents were not in the position to homeschool my siblings and I, even though they had been considering it.

However, all these details lead me to a fork in the road.

A principle of this religion's foundation is preaching the "good news", from the youngest age a person is at any sort able to participate, spending their Saturday mornings every week going around neighborhoods and attempting to convert any and everyone they can.

I've been struggling along for the last 5-7 years or so since I mentally fell out of the religion's traps. However, once I turn 18 I have to commit myself to the religion, which I am in no favor of doing so.

Counting down the months, I find myself stuck in what direction to go, come out to my family (not in the queer sense yet, but rather just saying I don't believe in it anymore) and risk losing them entirely, or stay stuck in a place that is making every attempt to subdue and oppress me into a pretty, feminine, docile girl. I'll lose my mind if I have to stay in here any longer than I absolutely have to, but I don't know how to leave.

I'll turn 18 before I graduate, and I don't know what will happen past then. How do I take care of legal documents, doctors, college, those sorts of things (that part is largely rhetorical). My best friend has offered to take me in if/when I need it, and I think he said his parents/living-in family was alright with it (he's told them about me and my living situation), but I don't want to burden him cause he has his own issues--that's the same reason I'm writing this to you rather than asking him for help/advice again.

I hope you can find it in you read all of that, I'm sorry its so long but I felt it was necessary to fully explain it all. Also I wanted to thank you for your blog, I know there's not really any point to that but it's nice to read and see when I'm feeling down, it helps me feel validated in my identity. Have a good day/night/whatever's going on.

first off, im so, sorry that ur stuck in a position like this. u shouldn't have to be stuck in that type of position with those outcomes and those losses, and i really hope ur able to get out of there safely soon. i know it seems like it might be a burden on ur friend to take up his offer, like ur imposing or taking advantage or whatever reason, but if that's the safest option, i definitely recommend it. at least until ur able to come up with a more permanent/long term plan, it's good to have a safe place with people who respect u. ofc i don't know what it's like to be in a religious family like that, so my advice is from the perspective of someone who doesn't know it firsthand, but i feel like forcing urself to ignore ur identity for the sake of someone else's beliefs and comfortability will just cause more harm than good. i do hope ur able to live ur life the way u want, without having to water down or oppress ur identity for the sake of others. it will get better, maybe not now or soon, but eventually. if u ever need to talk about anything else, my inbox is always available for things like this!! and im so glad u find comfort in my blog, ive gotten that from a few ppl actually, that seeing queerness and loving men in a positive and safe light is helpful. again, if u ever need anything, my inbox is open <3

[kodzumie-archived]

im not sure if i even remember the pseudonym i had on this blog, nor if i want, but all i know was that it was on the emoji display of your regular anons wall. that might serve as some sort of identification

though it mightve been the purple pixel alien, i can't be sure

regardless, time moves on; we've all progressed in our lives, we've grown. yet i cannot help but think about you, and what happened to you. you remained one of the most impressionable authors to me thus far; your articulate prose was a contributing factor, yes, but you were just so... kind. and sweet to us. it stuck to me like honey, never of the saccharine likes-- only that which was unbearably hard to wash off my skins surface

i don't know what happened to you, and i wish i knew-- it might be a bit selfish, or intrusive, given how we don't actually know each other, but gods... sometimes, in the back of my mind, i recount all the people ive come to be estranged with and i know your vague visage one of them, one of those i worry for. i hope you're okay. i sorely wish you're okay and well and alive

and i really, really wish that the possibility you're dead is false-- i almost need it to be, you had come to feel like a friend to me; your disappearance happened in early 2021, when covid was still relatively rampant. if what i fear has presumably happened, then you mightve contracted covid and passed. you mightve had your life unfairly reaped by others, too soon. that's what i thought had happened-- it's the only conclusion i have at my disposal, how i not, being honest?

maybe you felt burdened, maybe you ran away because of an external cause. that mightve been better, knowing you're still out there, somewhere, with a chance at happiness

if you're reading this, if you're alive and well (i hope you are. i wish you are), just... hell, i don't even know what i want you to know.

just know i care for you-- undoubtedly so. many people who have come to know you care for you, and i can bet some people on this blog alike i, care for you dearly, and wish the best.

p. s. ive recently discovered my penchant for literature, and i sorely want to ask you for advice on prose. on writing. on everything there is you could provide an answer to. some days i return to your published works and i attempt to mimic your style; is it because i envy you? because i want to be as good as you are?

or because i want to preserve you in some way-- in the thing i use daily? in poetry and art, that which i love the most?

... sometimes i beat myself up for being no where near your level, but how can that be reasonable? i just recently started practicing, and it's clear your work has had years of effort dedicated to honing your craft.

and i think, "they seem around college age. they've so much infront of them; i hope they've successfully chased their aspirations"

and i think, "i can be good. i can grow to be good. it will be okay"

and i think, i want you to be okay. of all things, above all things.

i want you to be okay.

i wish you were here

First and foremost—thank you.

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. Thank you for your concern. And, of course, thank you for your kind words.

I’m truly blessed to have had such kind individuals to support me and my work two years ago. Please know, even in my absence, you’ve (all) been in my thoughts.

So, at the very least, I hope I can provide closure to you, in addition to my apology for leaving you with your worries for so long.

I am alive! Evidently.

Although a lot has happened since I left this blog—my mental decline culminating in an eventual breakdown and hospitalization—I’m better now than I’ve been in, well, ever.

So... Yeah! It’s been a bit of a ride on my end, and I’ve grown a lot since 2021.

The most obvious change being that I’m no longer the angsty fourteen-year-old I was when I used to run this blog—trying to grow up faster than I should’ve.

I still write (because without it, who am I?), and I still am present on Tumblr.

I’ve shifted my interests, I’ve been practicing diversifying my writing style, and it makes me beyond happy to hear you exploring literature as well!

I’m not sure how I can properly convey with words how thrilled I am to hear that I’ve been a source of inspiration for your pursuit of writing, but please do know that—from the bottom of my heart—I’m cheering for you!

Writing is hard.

It’s difficult, and it’s easy to feel like the expectations you set for yourself aren’t being met, and it’s so, so easy to give up.

But know that your words are true.

You can be good, better than good—you can be great.

And I hope, someday, I can be given the chance to read your work!

Truth be told, I struggle reading my older works, seeing as my style’s changed a lot since then. And, sometimes, it’s difficult to read my current writing.

We’re always looking for ways to become the best we can be. But isn’t that what’s so inspiring about creatives?

I remember our conversations!

(If you’re recalling correctly—then I do genuinely remember and hold dear the conversations I’d had with you, 👾 anon! I fondly look back on the drawings you’d send, and vividly recall how in awe of your talents I was).

I care for you. I’ve cared for you. And I will continue to care for you.

It’s a bit funny to think about, actually—how you look back on my writing and emulate it when, truthfully, I’ve always kept your drawings in mind and, too, have tried to emulate your talent in art!

I guess it goes both ways, our appreciation of one another, and it warms my heart to hear it.

Thank you for the fond memories.

Although I don’t plan on creating any new content for this blog, and I’ve passed from my interest in Danganronpa—you’ll forever hold a place in my heart!

I’ve decided against deactivating.

I’m too attached to completely sever the relation I have with this account and the people I’ve met (mutuals and anons alike).

So, if ever at any point you'd like to contact me, feel free!

Regardless of the reason, I’ll always be happy to hear from you. Even if we’re just friendly strangers online and don’t know each other beyond that, perhaps we can come to be close friends.

I’m sorry for vanishing, and I’m sorry for having worried you.

I hope, with every fiber of my being, that you’ve been alive, well, and happy. I hope you’ve been pursuing your passions, and that life has been treating you well.

If nothing else, know that—even in my absence—I’ve kept you in my thoughts.

Thank you for everything.

I hope we can meet again, my dear.