#and I don't know if I'll even manage to draw these
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
"You Look Cute Flustered"-Anthony Lockwood
requested: anonymous
words: 1221
warnings: not much, the word suicidal maybe (idk if that counts), also implied that reader was shorter than Lockwood, but in my defense I usually use myself as reference when needed and I'm 4'11, but not much just cute fluff
summary: Lockwood was always charming and witty around everyone else, except for you. Around you Lockwood's mind would always draw a blank and he would become even more flustered. And it only got worse when you started to date.
Everyone knew one thing about Lockwood and it was that he was incredibly witty. Wherever he went, whoever he talked to, he could charm his way out of any situation. Anyone, and everyone would easily fall for whatever smile, or smirk Lockwood would put on, just to get out of any situation. Even if he was just talking to someone he could capture their full attention in a matter of moments with the softest of smiles.
Lockwood was like that around everyone, except for you. When it came to you Lockwood couldn't seem to even get out a proper sentence without his brain almost short circuiting as he stumbled over all his words. This would always result in you smiling, or sometimes even teasing him by saying, "You look cute flustered."
One time you and Lockwood were in the kitchen preparing breakfast. You were making tea, while Lockwood was trying to finally make toast that didn't burn in the toaster. You were just trying to grab the sugar that George decided to put on the top shelf when he reorganised the entire kitchen during one of his maniac cleanings.
You could just barely reach when you felt a hand wrap around your waist, as a hand went up to grab the sugar for you, "Thanks, Anthony," you said, referring to him by his first name, something he only allowed you to do.
Lockwood didn't know if it was the way his hand rested on your waist, or the smile you gave him, or the way you said his name, making him feel like his entire self was made of butterflies. All poor Lockwood could manage out was a simple, "N-no problem," while turning back towards the one burnt toast, trying to hide the massive blush on his face.
After that interaction, whenever you said something to him he would immediately blush, then proceed to stumble over almost every word before getting the fragments of a sentence out.
Many more of these a occasions occurred, and they only got worse when the two of you started dating. Lockwood somehow got even worse. Every sentence took him a second to say after trying to get over his initial fluster.
Complimenting him, he was flustered. Making him tea, flustered, unable to express how thankful he was. Saving him during a job, even more flustered and takes him a moment to thank you and assure you that he was okay. Even just standing next to him, and that man turned as red as a tomato.
One of the most notable times this happened was while giving a report to Inspector Barnes. Lockwood and Co. had just escaped a suicidal job after showing up with almost no research. You managed to somehow cut yourself on your rapier when you were distracted. Now you were getting your hand patched up while Lockwood was waiting for Barnes to come back with the paperwork.
You had just finished getting your hand bandaged up, and started to head towards Lockwood. For once he wasn't flustered by your mere presence, more filled with concern for how you were doing.
The moment you were near him his arms wrapped around you, "How bad is your hand?" he asked, concerned for you since you would most likely be off the job for a week or two.
You shrugged, "Not horrible, but not good. I have to keep it bandaged for a week, and I can't do anything too straining, that way I don't break my stitches. I'll be out of operation for a week or two," You said, a bit sullen looking since you would be letting George, Lucy, and Lockwood work without you for a couple of weeks.
"It's okay, love," he said, placing a small kiss on your forehead, "Just do as the doctor said. No working till your hands fully healed and you'll be all better soon. When we get home I'll make you some tea and you can get some well deserved sleep, and you won't have to lift a finger for weeks, so that your hand can heal," Lockwood assured him. He would probably die from how much he cares about the people he loves. It was really just a small injury, an inconvenience as you thought of it, but Lockwood saw it as a reason to now take care of you more than he already did.
"That does sound nice, but I feel bad not being able to help you guys on jobs. It's just frustrating to me. It makes me feel useless" you told him, looking at the ground filled with your own pity for yourself.
Lockwood lifted up your chin so that you could look at him, "You're not useless, love. You can still help with research, but you're anything but useless, you know that?
You let out a breath, "Yeah, I know, I just hate it," you told him, relaxing further into his touch for comfort.
Lockwood lent down to plant a small kiss on your lips, "I'm just glad your okay," he said, leaning down for another kiss, this time a lot longer than the first one.
You stayed like that for a moment before you were interrupted, "Alright, I have all the paperwork, just sign here, here, and-" Barnes cut himself off when he noticed you two, and how you jumped apart.
In a moment like this Lockwood would usually say something witty like 'Your timing is impeccable', but once again Lockwood could no longer form words in his flustered state.
Instead it was you with the witty response, "You've clearly mastered the art of comedic timing, haven't you," you joked, looking at Barnes' shocked face. You and Inspector Barnes had a weird relationship. You'd known Barnes since you started out, and he even pointed you in the direction of Lockwood and Co., not purposefully since his words were more like, 'Whatever you do, do not join Lockwood and Co. and stay away from them', yet here you were. So Barnes was more than surprised to see his least favourite (his favourite) troublemaker kissing the girl he tried so hard to mentor to become a good person.
"I-I," he stumbled, confused to what was happening, "Since when have you been a thing?" Once again Lockwood tried to speak, but was unable to find any sort of words.
"A month, two I think next week," you told Barnes, thinking back to when Lockwood finally asked you out. Barnes decided to ask questions later, and for now hand you all the necessary paperwork.
Once you finished, Barnes collected it and turned to leave, but not before he told Lockwood, "Don't hurt her, I already am not your biggest fan, so don't screw whatever this is up to."
Lockwood probably would've made some sort of joke, but all he did was nod, smile, and try to stumble out some sort of 'understood' while trying to not blush too much. Barnes could tell Lockwood would never do anything to hurt you, just by how he was acting. No one made Anthony Lockwood flustered and unable to use his charm and wit, except for you. While looking over the paperwork Inspector Barnes thought about how one day he wouldn't be surprised if (or more like when) he saw your name have the last name Lockwood behind it.
Current Taglist (ask to be added)
@almost-gabrielle @scarlett-8 @atashiboba @that1deerpersondownstairs
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
So, please don't send me anymore asks right now, I don't think I'll be able to finish them 😢
I won't be home for the foreseeable future so I won't have most of my art supplies with me
Yes all these, I can't just take them all :(
Btw I won't be closing the ask box or anything
#I have 5 things in my asks right now#2 can be done relatively quick. one requires me to make a design for a new character and 2 neen a lot of work#and I don't know if I'll even manage to draw these#god I don't want to let these people down#maybe I'll manage to speedrun these before I leave#not art#btw you can still send me whatever. I just don't know when I'll be able to get to actually draw it#I'll be back. I just don't know when. I'm not exactly sure of when I'll leave either. maybe tomorrow. maybe on Saturday. maybe Sunday...#anywayzzzzz#I don't want to sound mean but I don't want someone to send me something and for them to be disappointed when I won't respond anytime soon#that's why I dislike summer. all the heat too. but the 'vacation' part kinda sucks too. I want my stuff with me at all times#I'll try to finish some other random drawings too to have in my drafts because I don't want to stop posting
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
cold fruit in a hot kitchen (so i had this great watermelon last weekend)
#so I had this great watermelon last weekend. and the thing is it probably wasn't even that great of a watermelon#but I was four hours into an eight hour shift and we had thrown out all the watermelon salad because no one was eating it#and then our manager ran in and yelled that the client really fucking wanted watermelon salad.#so like six of us servers started frantically chopping watermelon. and the kitchen got really hot#in the way it does when everyone inside it is really stressed because there's no fucking watermelon salad#and after we chopped all the watermelon and the client got their fucking watermelon we all had a moment#where we looked at the remaining watermelon and we were so hot and cocktail hour was almost over anyway and the salads were all plated#and we all went for the watermelon and we ate it with the kind of rabid intensity you only get while eating cold watermelon in a hot kitche#and it was the best watermelon I have ever tasted and several days later i am still chasing the high of that fucking watermelon#and the thing is i know it isn't even the watermelon i'm actually missing#it's the feeling of cool liquid on hot skin and the feeling of a crisis averted and the feeling of camaraderie#that comes with devouring a watermelon in a hot kitchen with six other people who you have nothing in common with except that watermelon.#i don't dream of labor but i am dreaming now of being 4 hours into an eight hour shift eating watermelon in a hot kitchen.#i dream of laughing around the cold fruit in my mouth. I crave that watermelon like i'll die without it.#< honest to god this is real and that watermelon left such an impact on me that i had to draw it and write this. having a normal one#maybe this is insane but working in a team of people you truly like to do something you actually enjoy is so underrated#if only they fucking paid me i could work as a server for the rest of my life. unironically#skribbles
360 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sparkstember Day 25: Hippopotamus (What The Hell Is It This Time?)
My Hippopotamus rant is here. I love Hippo and I think this was one of the best examples of how putting something off for later can be a very good idea sometimes. So I didn't hear most of it until this summer, and hearing the whole album then was one of the biggest highlights of that time. Thank you modern era Sparks for always bringing us the awesomest music ever.
#hippopotamus my beloveddddddd. also i like this drawing a lot!!! :)#i actually managed to make the letters and fire look pretty close to what they're like in the music video so that's pretty epic#anyways my favs are still roughly the same. but lately i've been also really enjoying probably nothing. beautiful somg#and now it's tagent(s) time because i thought it would be fun to buy a hippo plushie for this day and pose it for a photo#but well i don't even have this album physically so idk what other cool way i could have done this in#and yeah i mostly wanted to get something hippo-themed anyway#because a while ago i had to pass up on very awesome socks with hippos on them because they didn't have the right size#and i'm still thinking about them sometimes (i'm the biggest fan of fun socks)#ALSO... my original original plan for hippo (and ecotd tbh)#was to wait with them until something epic and sparks-related was happening. like travelling to see them on tour#well that didn't happen as we all know so. moved on from that idea eventually#but the future is bright anyway because i love modern era sparks sm and i can actually look forward to new albums coming out soon-ish#from both of my biggest favs AND another band that i've been getting into lately so uhhhh if not 2024#then can please at least 2025 be the year of awesomeness and amazingness that i've been waiting for?!?!?#ok this isn't even about hippo anymore so i'll just finish now#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
today's progress: i think i'm done with the face
#i made decent progress on the torso but i couldn't manage to figure out the shirt so. yea.#the clothes are such a headache#i don't even know if i want to finish this anymore lol#i think in general i'll probably stick to a more cute/cartoon-y style but#i do like the way the skin is shaded in this#maybe if i could find a way to simplify it#i could make it work in my usual style but idk#i'll just have to experiment more#but for now i think i'm burnt on drawing#it was a good four day run. that's more than i've drawn all year#still gonna finish the ones of other people's OCs though#those are just faces/busts so those are easy#this drawing though........ to the forever wip pile it goes until i can figure out how clothes work#rainyrambles#artwip
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#gonna ramble about irl here so people don't have to read it unless they want to#so because I got covid and couldn’t leave my bed I've essentially lost my job#I've told my manager I'm okay to go back to work#even if my body is still sore#but she's only given me a 3 hour shift a week#and you guessed it!#it's the late shift#the one where it takes me almost 2 hours to get home from#she's being so petty with me#and I am so behind in rent#I've applied for government assistance and I have a meeting with them tomorrow#I really hope they can help because I feel awful#I'm also annoyed at myself because I can't find my knee brace ANYWHERE#I thought I could find one for around $10 but nope!#the closest stores selling them are like $25+ so that's fun#I don't know when I'll be able to draw again#I'm so stressed again about money and secueing work#hopefully once I can get govt assistance at least I can enjoy life again#also I tried to ask the zine that still owes me money if they could finally send payment but they still keep delaying it with excuses#I'm so desperate it's shameful
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hiatus
I am going on hiatus for a bit more. I really really hoped the stuff that have been going on lately were already "sorted out" but, uhm... they aren't. I need to take a bit more time offline once again, and try to work things out.
Thank you for your patience ❤
Wren
#EDIT: I've deactivated my IG for a bit because it wasn't helping at all. I'll be back there but I need time#wren text tag#somehow issues from mid July/early August have managed to get worse. Like I'm not even surprised bc I'm used to it but GIRL . What the fuck#“it's finally summer”+“can't wait to draw!” * gets 3 hiatus in a row * maybe drawing or summer isn't really meant to be 🤨🤔#I hate having to log-in to post a hiatus message and then dissapear again when I'm supposed to post my doodles n have fun#Feels like one of those jesters that appears at luncheon to entertain the royal court and then they go missing for the rest of the month#bc I'm trying very hard not to hide in my shell + having a bit more presence here to post my artwork#and somehow I fail at both like fucking heck. How can you be so bad at this.#but in short I won't be here to answer stuff and being silly or whatever people expect me to do#because if you're here for the silly stuff. MAN. I'm am sorry but I don't feel silly at all.#Somebody once said “the horrors are never ending yet I remain silly” but I forgot the “remain silly” part#And if you're here for drawings. I don't even have time and I don't feel like drawing at all. Idk which one is worse#The bakery hangs up the “closed today” so people know they have to go to buy bread somewhere else. Same here. But it won't last a day#idk why the bread analogy. Guess I'm a birb after all#this is also the closest thing to a vent post I will ever write and I managed to say nothing at all. Vagueposting about vent. Good job Wren#tw: vent#tagging in case somebody like me needs to have some tags filtered#the hiatus will go on also a bit longer because the last few weeks my mental health suffered a lot and I know my limit#also this post was queued. If I see I can still be active before publishing I will delete it otherwise see for yourself#also queue doesn't work ig like I programmed this for 9 pm hopefully it will be up by then and not any other random time
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have been super close to a robust number of artists over the years and it is hugely funny how much I absolutely just fucking hate the process of creating digital art
#I've picked up nothing#desperately trying to make some new channel assets and I would rather tweeze my nose hairs#just shit some shapes on a couple of canvases hoping I'll open them again in the future and poke them again#and rinse and repeat until I have something#it's not even that self depreciating “I hate my own art” thing#frankly I LOVE my own art especially when I have An Idea That I Manage To Implement#what I fucking hate is digital art programs#it feels like drawing with reacher grabbers instead of arms#I know I don't want to learn the motor skills required to freehand draw (because I am not excited by it)#so here we are in aseprite vacillating between yelling at my monitor and arranging squares#by the time I even get a workable file and upload it to stream elements then I have negative patience for stream elements#which I also LOATHE#sidebar there are so many programs that grid has no problems with that I Cannot Comprehend#which would be super funny if it wasn't all the programs I need to use in order to make the ONE HOBBY I HAVE any better
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
you guys will never believe what movie was JUST starting when i boarded the plane home
#prince art#scc e au#i mostly redrew scene i thought i could manage without tearing my hair out#sorry define dancing . one day i'll draw you .#also i know i haven't done much for them lately i just . lack ideas a lot of the time#but you know when the movie is RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME and my ipad is good and charged . i mean it's just begging for me to make stuff#there was a little sketch i was gonna make of sw-t holding their equipment over their head all excited#bc i noticed mo holds its equipment arms over its head while it runs#and i said yeah . sw-t would do that#actually now that i got a movie refresher maybe i'll make some more content#no promises but i'll definitely try#ok enjoy post these poly robots#also don't ask me how the hand on sw-t's sketch turned out so good . even i don't know
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Not me the DM drawing things that doesn't happen nor will happen this way nor will happen at all when I'm supposed to draw the dinner scene since my players were invited to Ravenloft nearly one year ago.
And not the energy to polish anything. I might come around them and polish. One day. When I'll draw the dinner scene. And the comic I'm supposed to draw for a year as well.
Anyway.
Rahadin's drawing background (c) i really couldn't trace back the artist but it's not mine.
Various references of kabedon used for the Khal / Vasili drawing.
I apologize for the brainworms and how I take your character without you knowing to put brainworms on canvas. Thank you @xyanmajor for putting up with my nonsense.
#my art#sketches#dnd oc#somehow rahadin who sees the ship and still says nope even though this ship has been discussed beforehand so he should say yes but well.#somehow me shipping vasili and khal#SOMEHOW HE BITES HIM IN THIS FAKE SCENARIO OF MINE#vasili von holtz#who is different from canon's so I made him different than strahd with a moustache ... still he's strahd-coded#SOMEHOW HE LIKES TO BITE#Kudos to anyone who can read my scrappy writing#kudos to anyone who manages to spot that I shamelessly took quotes from the various novels of ravenloft for the first 2 drawings#at some point on the road V will canonically bite Khal I s2g#khal is a brat#khal corvara#we got two brats on the road#the rp scenes are either they're drunk either they're bratty either they're flirting either they're oblivious to each other's tries of#asserting friendship and somehow I still don't know how they decided to be friends so fast#I will polish those one day I swear and learn lighting/background at some point#i realized midway I would never have the skills to draw a background or polish anything so welp#later I will tho ... in 8 years ... maybe. I'll just keep on doodling nonsense and shippy things that do not happen.#But I WILL BITE THIS VISTANA. I SWEAR I WILL BITE HIM IN KREZK IF I MUST.#Not the poor krezkite we meet on the road being the thirdwheel of their weird relationship and failure courting#I have to prepare a scene where I'll learn player to dance the barovian traditionnal dances#I'm pretty sure it will end up charged in homoerotic tension again because I see dance like a battlefield and so does this damn Vasili ...#well at least they won't be covered in blood so it's less homoerotic. At least I hope they won't be covered in blood but who knows.#i'm practicing nose drawing but I don't manage to draw noses correctly#i don't even know why I'm posting these lmfao#curse of strahd#rahadin#hnk dms curse of strahd
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm going to draw wktd fanart (to cope with a highly specific situation) while I still have the time for it (looming employment) and that is a promise to myself (I probably have something else I said I'd work on but whatever)
#I strt at the end of the month and I'm#I'm not even gonna say I'm scared I'm not I'm just not quite excited either? I'll pull through#and hopefully eat better and be able to buy fun things thaNK FUCK#however also taxes. I am not looking forward to taxes#like it's literally an ideal position if I don't manage it for whatever reason that'll be uh. something big for me to find out limits wise#but it's whatever I'm curious and I gotta try#and like I said god I'll be so happy to be able to afford hyper specific autism approved food that's gonna make everything so much easier#oh also the hyper specific situation? don't worry about it. just know I'm going to cry into whatever I draw for that game atm#I mentioned it in the post I made about it these days I literally skimmed through lines of one of the endings and immediately cried a single#Annoying tear. I feel like I don't cry about life things as much as would be healthy to and when I do I don't cry right#so I just get so annoyed at these sudden single tear moments when I'm not even putting effort into anything they just leak out#because something on a screen hit too close to home in an instant but I can't even properly Feel it because I'm focused on something else#and the thing in question has well been Acknowledged and rendered Irrelevant#it's not satisfying like crying for being engrossed on a story and/or characters and I absolutely hate how idk picturesque? it feels#people criticize drawing crying with a pretty single tear all the time it feels so fake and forced to fit the medium in a way that's still#appealing and consumable but I'm just a person with depersonalization issues. reverse derealization. everything's real except me#anyways I wasn't spiraling I will continue to not spiral about that at this moment but that's constantly there in my brain#and I'm going to draw the body horror lesbian polycule about it#Void fala aí#oh yeah I promised field sib content uh I can easily do that as a warm-up on a work day obviously pfft#''end of the month'' she's so pretentious you mean next week
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
do you ever have an animatic idea that seems so perfect that it's. genuinely hard to believe it hasn't been made yet. like i've actually looked more than once my brain has not accepted that it hasn't been done. i will try my best to take on this burden <- has never finished an animatic or rarely even a wip in general
#anyway the mabel drawing practice was for a reason#i'll share the idea in the event i give up (very likely)#but for now i am keeping my secrets to make it myself#it's not even a niche song#i mentioned the idea to a friend at school and ey saw the vision Instantly#look i only have like 5 animatic wips it's not tooo bad#i'm sure i can manage a full 4 minute song#hm. starting to see why it might not exist yet#hyperfixation/special interest (i don't know which it is at this point) don't fail me now
1 note
·
View note
Text
I just realised tomorrow marks the 7ths week of me being sick and feeling like garbage lol It's some ups and downs but generally it's been a while since I've been healthy and none knows whats up which is nice.
#been to the doctor so many times#and at least my general doc is trying but she cant figure out what's wrong#and the throat specialist I've been to twice in one month got a very helpful “sounds like stress and you imagine all” for me#like thanks i keep having my ear throat and nose inflamed constantly and nothing i tried so far helped but surely its stress#my doc suspected a virus but we also didnt find any active anti bodies#so i was just told to rest and was off work for two weeks that also did nothing#so i worked again even tho my doc was like maybe not but i got psychological issues being home with nothing to do#gotta go to my dentist tomorrow to see if the source is there#but im sure its my ears but I'll never go back to that doc#i was there twice a month cuz it kept getting worse and got a stress stamp#stress i didnt even have lately cuz i got a healthy fuck you all work motivation now#and now I'll lose all chance for promotion cuz i cant do my usual 200% and my bosses translate that with: she broken now bye#going great#also don't really have motivation to draw anymore#I started to build model sets but idk if anyone would wanna see those#I also got a cyst on my ovaries and got an appointment in july#that gives me serious pms like i never had it before but ok#someone knows a doc that'll remove the whole uterus i don't need that shit anymore#anyways in case anyone's been wondering where i am lately or if anyone even read this my asks are open if anyone wants to ask smth#or ask my OCs they live rent free in my head and are very precious to me#even my new car is named Michael#he's cute and my record so far been 190km/h#one day I'll do the 225 he can do#just get off the road that day pls#that car was the onyl thing i worked for so idk what to do with my life now#save for car repairs maybe#anyone wants a pic of my child#he's orange#I'm very proud of myself i managed to save up for him quiet fast#these tags are wild but I'm feeling a bit more energetic thanks to some plant supplements my uncle gave me
1 note
·
View note