#and I didn’t have interests as a child
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#I’m a rebel#I do like roller coasters (but just the family ones that are an appropriate amount of scary)#and I once flipped an ATV bc I went too fast in a turn so probably enjoy when things go fast#however I hate hugs do not fucking hug me hugs are only for my grandma#and the people who never try to hug me but they need hugs#however the worst texture is the gunk you get on your fingers while breading stuff to deep fry#and in second place is wet mud on my hands#and the worst sound is a tie between styrofoam (literally I wish I did not have ears when someone touches that stuff) and the sound of#rubber soles against the floor at the supermarket#and I didn’t have interests as a child#I liked what my friends liked and playing made me nauseous#(my solution? now a crocodile shows up to torture our littlest pet shops with a Ferris wheel)
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The real reason Marcille Donato is Like That is because she’s an only child.
#I’m not even being tongue-in-cheek here a sibling would have absolutely Fixed Her.#I mean I’m glad she didn’t have one because then she wouldn’t be interesting#But that’s literally all of her problems. She is an Only Child(tm).#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon
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the archon human and the people she couldn’t save
#genshin impact#genshin fanart#lumine#furina#furilumi#i did furinas story quest yesterday#i definitely have Thoughts about it and how things were handled#but i liked the resentment people held towards her in poisson#don’t get me wrong i LOVE furina#and i often see posts saying furina deserves better which she does but#imagine the person in charge of your country#the person you look to#the star of fontaine#the person the spotlights focus on#is a complete and utter fraud#imagine being a mother and losing your child because someone was parading around as an archon#obviously that’s not the whole story but the public don’t know that and that adds so many interesting perspectives and opinions#small details like that is why i like genshin and it’s world building#i didn’t mean to ramble whoops
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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probably the most constant thing of my life has been the social isolation and loneliness i experience
since i was a young child, i’ve always struggled to make and find friends, and often was left alone
for a long time, nothing could defeat my spirits and will to make friends, and even the loneliness wasn’t enough to make me stop
nowadays, it gets to me, the loneliness, and i often wonder if i’ll have all the friends i’ve deserved all along
#audhdrhys#lonelyrhys#i had a lot of fake friends growing up#and i was gullible a lot so people act one way and then another and i fell for it each time they did it#often times my “friends” were just there to use me as playmates and not real friends who cared about my boundaries and interests#and some of them didn’t consider me their friend and forgot about me the minute i left their daily lives#some ran away from me cuz i was weird#but most of the time i just remember being alone#i remember not knowing how to make friends#i remember being too scared to and asking my sister to make friends for me#which she would and they would always favor her#i was just the tag along nobody really wanted there#and that’s how it usually went#and i was homeschooled growing up and i didn’t go to many groups or anything like that so i was already isolated from society just from tha#but the loneliness through that all has stuck with me#i still don’t know how to make friends very well#i still wonder if everyone finds me offputting#and i still wonder if they’re faking being my friend and don’t actually care about me#even though i have some and am grateful for them#the loneliness stays#lonely#lonely childhood#childhood memories#childhood#friends#audhd experiences#audhd#audhd problems#audhd child
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Believing in rom-communism is all about believing that everything is going to work out in the end... Now, it may not work out how you think it will, or how you hope it does, but, believe me, it will all work out.
#ted lasso spoilers#ted lasso#otp: you liven up the place#mine#m*ne: lasso#i like don't want to tag this with anything i'm having a thought exercise lmao#this is the tip of the iceberg for real i really do think it's their movie#and on an emotional level i'm devastated by this and on an intellectual level i'm just. fascinated#if we take the end as endgamey (though i'm partial to hannah canon ha)#within that endgame the universe gives her a consolation prize of a ted#and i don’t even think that’s my biased reading like his name means the same thing he also is from another country is also divorced also has#a child who evidently can be moved around more easily maybe cause she’s younger and amsterdam is closer#plus all the other similarities we’d talked about after amsterdam#and all the little moments that fatefully lead rebecca to this moment are moments with ted#ted walks away from her and she walks out the door to find this man again#it wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t need to say goodbye to her soulmate#with all of that idk it seems like they added this man not just as love interest but so that he'd be specifically#filling the void ted left in her life and in their romcom#to invoke sleepless in seattle like that when there is a very clear fated soulmate relationship at play#and then to give the ending to another character#like no shade to matthijs he's a fine man but#it just seems intentionally to say the hero of this story has to leave#so 'god's gift' is this substitute#is it the 'it just doesn't happen twice'?? is ted like the maggie of this situation???#is it 'the dream of someone else' which kinda seems like hannah's reading??#you can't always get what you want (the romcom ending the way you think it's going to) but you get what you need (them ending up with their#respective families and possibilities for the future)???#it's just that isn't it. just a completely heartbreaking realization of ted's romcommunsim speech#it's bananas and on purpose and i'm in pain
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got into yet another fight with my mom, again about voting/the election, she said that she’s only voted once in her life and never cares to again because she ‘doesn’t care about politics’, saying that shit almost proudly?? and it set me off for obvious reasons, then she got mad at me for saying it’s because she’s privileged and ‘most’ shit doesn’t affect her directly so she can afford ‘not to care’
#i’m so tired man#yeah because you’re a cis straight white woman#but what about your queer child?#what about other lgbtq+ people? you say you support them/us but apparently not enough if you don’t care to vote#and then she started on about how kamala is just as bad if not worse#bc she’s an easily influenced boomer and listens to other dumbfuck boomers#plus the internalized misogyny#i just can’t yall#i know some have it worse with their parent/family member being full on pro trump but this#is just so fucking frustrating#not to mention my bitch sister who within the past couple years moved to the midwest with her abusive bf & got knocked up twice#is suddenly loudly pro trump#the same woman who a mere handful of years ago was about to marry her trans girlfriend (whom she also dated before they realized they#were trans!!)#the same woman who has dated girls multiple times#and had more than a few abortions#like just because you now have two children and no longer interested in having abortions no women should have them?? fucking hypocrite#she just disgusts me#like did he beat the brain cells out of you or did all the heroin you used to do kill them#i’m sorry im just so fucking angry with her like i didn’t think i could get more pissed/upset with her#after she ‘indirectly’ killed my cats#which i will never ever forgive her for#but this is just extra on top#legit no longer acknowledge her as my sister - i now only have one vs the two i was raised with idfc im better off#i’m just tired#and it’s not even an ‘election time’ thing this is just … never gonna end/change huh#personal#tdl#vent
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This is a miquella supporting blog, miquella haters don’t interact (I’m kidding idc who or what you like or dislike)
#i’m not saying he did nothing wrong but i positive he would of gone back for malenia he didn’t abandon her#he was kidnapped and defiled in a heretical blood ritual till he DIED#yeah the thing with calied was unfortunately caused by him#but it was never anticipated that malenia would bloom#radahn was resistant likely because he’s a golden order fan boy of Radagon so ofc he tried to break his vow#I think people things miquella is more powerful then he truly was#all his strengths were in his charms and kindness so if you have no other weapon then what do you use in a world that’s hostile and violent?#his weakness is his naivety#and he’s likely been treated like a child longer then we realized just because of his curse#we see miquella without his love and that’s what we face in battle and even then he doesn’t actually attack us#radahn does#i can’t speak for radahn#i’ve never been very interested in him#but i do know that the charm doesn’t seem to force LOVE#mohg did that on his own as a bid to become elden lord and as a way he did just not in the sense he wanted#the charm almost seems to quell negative emotions instead and create comradery#hence why the bewitching branch makes enemies fight for you#i can almost guarantee with the rune broken malenia still will have the fight be the same after the final dlc fight#she was never charmed#i need to stop i’m very frustrated by people calling him pure evil or slurs#elden ring#sote spoilers#elden ring spoilers#shadow of the erdtree spoilers
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Thisabeau
#i was looking for dialogue earlier I didn’t see the thing before about her kind of being expected to end up working for the church bc of her#family’s history with that and iirc implying that specifically the women would be expected to do that hmmmmmmmm (thinks about isabeau)#something about everyone’s expectations going into the rite. very interesting to me#Walter didn’t seem to have considered it much at all and expected to just go back home and work his family trade that he hates#whereas Jonathan was trained since a child for it by his father#so perhaps isabeaus position can be owed to her being able to understand walters point/feelings of having some inescapable set role#to fulfill in life that’s unexpectedly overturned . like. i think she probably gets it more than Jonathan at least#^ the isabeau thinker
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obsessed w gen alpha
#stream#literally the kill them w kindness philosophy 😭😭😭#gen z & millenial urge to respond w smthg like ‘unfortunately u too were brought into this world kill yourself’ AKSKAKKSLAKALAKLAKALA#this was on a. post of op asking ‘is there smthg wrong w my sea monkeys’#like how are u being snide in a reddit community that surrounds a ‘first pet’ for children aged like 8-13#literally all they had to do was top up their water like they’ve an amazing colony - it’s flourishing !! i’d be proud ??!??#like when i had my first sea monkeys as a child i had to aerate the tank so the said pour it into a cup back & forth so i put it in a#blender but the bottom didn’t have like the blender bit so it was. a straw#so i poured them into the floor & cried#i was DEVASTATED#but still ALSKALSKALSKLAKALS LIKE IDK I DEFEND SEAMONKEYS THEYRE SUCH A GOOD FIRST PET & THEYRE SO FASCINATING#like idk it’s just ???? w most hobbies u should just be nice bc it’s not like ur making fun of someone in a TOBACCO or LIQUOR subreddit#like even in the pigeon reddit u can get some cunts but like u can … tell when it’s a child asking a question or looking for advice ….#well child or ‘young person’ i don’t want to be like a 16 year old is a child but they certainly are constrained financially so they can’t#like ‘go out & but a dog crate’ to put it in but u can advise them on where they can take it for like vet help or resources on how to keep#an injured animal comfortable#like idk I JUST THINK it’s SO important to make these spaces comfortable & accessible for children bc sometimes their friends or family#won’t be interested in a hobby like BIRDWATCHING but if ur ONLY surrounded w other children misinformation will proliferate#i should just be a teacher or work in some sort of community outreach like idk i just like working w young people#& old people !!!! but i like young people like omg helping them find their passions & pushing them in that direction#ooohhhh how MOTHERLY
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i’m 18 today. except i’m not. i’m 20 today. maybe one of these years i’ll catch up. maybe one of these years i won’t be crying at midnight on my birthday, confused on why i’m not 2 years younger than i think i am.
#qualified to officially be called an adult#no longer a teen#i’m supposed to be celebrating this#out drinking and partying#i’ve been allowed to do that for 2 years now#so why does it still feel like i’m too young for it???#i have felt so broken and skewed since covid#i didn’t get a chance to grow at all in 2020-2022#therefore it basically never happened#i should be 18 not 20#to make up for the lost years no????#im 20 and crying in a room that makes me look 15 still#i know tumblr would argue so aggressively otherwise#but it really does feel like im the only person out there who#still has the same interests as when they were younger and still have pride in those interests#i feel like people#albeit slightly older than me#look at me in judgement and see me as an adult child#idk i just feel ill#it doesn’t feel real this whole night has felt like a fever dream jesus#birthday
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i’ve been obsessed with this concept for possibly my entire life and now i have a whole bunch of words for it. not that using -ception to colloquially refer to it is wrong but it’s not the most accurate. i love learning i love wikipedia
#remy rambles#the mise en abyme article references the experience of standing between two mirrors and seeing infinite reflections of yourself and that is#something i did as a child that impacted me. i’ve always found the droste effect interesting both from a humor standpoint and not but#i didn’t know it’s name. i did something sort of like this with my piece fourth wall#this concept and other concepts related to it are ones i’ve always thought about a lot and i want to make more art surrounding them#i have what i used to call “deja vu deja vu” but what i will now call “recursive deja vu”. meaning. since i was a kid more often than not#when i experienced deja vu. it would be remembering experiencing deja vu. remembering remembering something happening before.#dreams within dreams both in film and when that has actually happened to me is also a recursive concept that fascinates me#i could talk about this Forever
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Angry at parents hour!
Undiagnosed autistic fuckers are delulu.
#headline descriptor plus rant in tags#oh yeah sure sibling could have#sat down and studied for his finals#if only he wanted to#bitch you sent him to a school that did not have a special education program#you have been told he has learning difficulties#you didn’t get him diagnosed#you failed at providing him adequate help and tutoring#and yes that was on you because you sent him to a school that wouldn’t do that proactively#on purpose#so they wouldn’t bother you#oh but he is so smart and holds enceclapidic knowledge of d&d and Pokémon in his mind#that doesn’t translate to studying skills and ability to write out his thoughts and you know it#fuck you some things are your fault#and your responsibility as a parent#and now you couldn’t adequately provide education support to your youngest child for three years in a row#even though it’s your fourth autistic kid#you knew the signs damn well#and don’t get me started on dad#he just straight up doesn’t contribute anything to the conversation unless it’s about something that interesting to him#I don’t think you get to do that as a parent?#in the 21 century at least#why the fuck do I never know this man’s opinion on anything except music and fantasy series?#the kicker is those two know damn well you need support to grow in a meaningful way as an autistic child and young person#they were autistic children and young people#they have had support#they have had other people’s input#they had support beside irrelevant literature presented without explanation and advice to check the web#where the fuck did they get the idea that a person related to both of them is able to sit down and study without external support and#or a meaningful structure
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kieran’s champion battle theme is a banger i’m literally feeling residual fear and stress listening to it even afterwards
#this will go down as my cynthia#if even the music makes me shake in fear even once i’m done#i mean it’s not exactly the same as losing over and over again as a poor scared child#but like i did lose twice before winning and like that first time man. paralyzed to death man.#it’s such a violent and intense theme and moment in the story#i had my expectations of what i wanted kieran’s revenge moment to look like and it did not disappoint#so like by the second two tries when that music came in i had to try my best to steel my nerves at the start of battle#only other time i’ve felt that is in my no-items volo run#i didn’t have stress and fear against him necessarily but i for sure started trembling at giratina each time#the real kicker with both those fights is how there’s no warning and free switch in between your opponents’ pokémon#which like frankly i think is wayyy more fair to the npc and makes the fight more interesting#sv dlc spoilers#teal mask/indigo disk#also i am forever gonna be peeved about the tera fighting hydrapple instantly killing my empoleon with tera blast#but like that just makes sense right? that’s smart#he was anticipating ice type moves against it probably#and even just in general fighting is a good type#ughhhhhh but like#for all other trainers with tera orbs without a specialized type team#they’re always just gonna tera into one of that pokémon’s types#for gym leaders they’re gonna send out random pokémon that don’t fit the theme but will tera into it#to be clever and mess with you#given that kieran didn’t have a themed team here i thought his ace was just gonna go grass or dragon#but of course he’s smarter than that huh.#dude i commend this man he had me shaking#pokémon
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do you ever have just a sudden realization of how bland your own personality is like damn I must be absolutely boring to be around
#like talking to my coworkers who are close to my age im just like oh i do nothing and have no interests#yes i am going to continue to have a new existential crisis everyday and im gonna make it everybody’s problem#i’m just gonna attribute it to being so insecure as a child#both self esteem wise and having spent my childhood feeling like everything and anything would be taken away at any moment#that i didn’t allow myself to truly develop my interests or try anything new#for fear of being bad at it or liking it and not getting to keep it#after all i am nothing if not living in a shame and fear based existence ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#hey siri how do i acquire a personality? asking for a friend#riah.txt
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Do u remember Goldie goldenglow?
Sorry Anon, this probably won’t be the answer you want
The triangle shaped baby that both Poof/Peri and Foop had crushes on, right? I might’ve watched the episode once, but I’ll be honest, I was very much distancing myself from the original show by then. I only recognized the name because of fanart that pops up when I look up references on google images. I’ve also never been a big fan of Love Triangles or Give The Actual Literal Infants A Love Interest (Often For The Sake Of Heteronormativity), so I probably didn’t even finish the episode if I did watch it as a kid
If they brought her back, it’d be interesting to see how they update her design, though
#iirc I was a loyal fan until Wishology then I stopped enjoying the show and dropped it save for occasional checking in on it if it happened#to be airing#shoot I probably started distancing myself after Poof became a character funnily enough. not because I didn’t like him but because they kept#rerunning the same haircut episode and I got bored of it. I just started assuming it would be that episode when I saw it was on for a while#ask#anon#alas even before I knew I was gay I was very gay as a child and that included having no patience for love interests that stuck around for a#a single episode and only existed for heteronormativity#if you make a character straight you gotta Work to Convince me to like it (basically I was always a lil hater lol)
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