#and I deserve to take up space

[worldwithoutmiracles]

there are so many weird things that I’ve gotten better at since learning I have ADHD. like recognizing when I need accommodations is so much easier now, it feels like I unlocked a cheat code. I could have been doing this my whole life, but I almost never did. I think I just always assumed the world was right, and if I struggled it must be my fault? and then I thought the way to fix myself was to really concentrate on how bad I’m doing and try to muscle my way into being perfect by shaming myself and doing everything the hardest way possible. it’s SO stupid.

anyways, I’m at a hotel for a few days and trying to get some work done. I’m in the room, at the desk, with my computer in front of me, but I’m finding it hard to concentrate. I pretty quickly 1) recognized the situation and 2) decided the problem was the atmosphere wasn’t conducive to working. the room is really sterile and boring, so I decided to turn it into something that will stimulate me a little more and feel like places I’ve been able to work before. I made myself a cup of tea, put on a coffee shop playlist, turned on the yellow lamp by the bed and closed the curtains. then I turned the TV to a random station but put it on mute. I sort of artificially created a coffee shop, right here in my room!

this was enough of an atmosphere change that, along with talking to myself out loud and finding a way to sit more comfortably in the chair, I was able to focus on my work for an hour or so.

I dunno. this stuff is probably literally stupid for neurotypical people to read. like, I was uncomfortable so I became more comfortable then felt better. great! most people learn to do that at four years old. but two years ago, at 27, I would have beat myself up for not focusing or crawled into bed and totally zoned out to the TV instead, giving up the day as a bust and feeding into a paralyzing guilt spiral.

it’s been so weird to rediscover who I actually am. it’s so wonderful to see what I’m capable of when I listen to and work with myself against the world, instead of siding with the world against myself every single time.

(not me, lightly crying about writing in a google doc for an hour)

[inkskinned]

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

[edorazzi]

Due to scheduling conflicts we're celebrating Tintin Day early this month! 🥳

Someone said in tags that they could totally see Tintin needing International Rescuing at some point. What better way for the Hood to put iR's integrity on the line than revealing all to a world-famous reporter? Would the Tracys jeopardise their whole operation to save just one life?!

(Un)fortunately Tintin hasn't shown up at work since 1929, so the only sacrifice here will be an old man's dignity. Again. 🪦

[thinwhitedoc]

SHERLOCK | Martin Freeman as John Watson

[chuuzmii]

Jacob Anderson is so fucking real. Like we see eye to eye frfr. That quote where he's like "Let's be monsters and enjoy it. Let's be problematic. Give us the space to be a problem." Like ooooh... Hes so real. Im so tired of people being scared of writing black villains because of The Implications™. There is a genuine lack of black people in horror and when we are included we are just the sassy best friend, the athlete, the one who dies first, or the magical negro. Hardly ever have I seen a horror with a black momster. Even outside of horror black people are hardly ever villains and it's just so unfair man. Black people LONG for good black villains I know they do. We deserve to be evil we deserve to be petty we deserve to hurt. Jacob I understand...

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 267

Danny is rather incensed, but it’s absolutely nothing compared to Tucker and Sam. 

Not only are they children, again, despite being ready for freaking college (which he had worked so hard throughout the summer, what with his grades thanks to ghosts) literal hours before, but they’re also in a completely new place.

And now they’re toddlers! Toddlers! Two or three at most! It’s horrible, they’re all so tiny and clumsy and practically none of their powers work and-

Is that a dragon? 

There is now a dragon sniffing at them which is heavily concerning. Um, hey, please don’t eat them? Pretty please? They will growl and bite at you- oh Ancients that’s a lot of dragons. 

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

As most of you know I try my best to be civil and kind. I’m too exhausted and the world sucks too much for me to go about making other people feel like shit, it’s not really something I see worthy of my or anyone’s time really. I try to keep things positive not only because it might brighten someone else’s day but for my own sake. I curate this space because I know a lot of you feel and experience the same things I do. Do not twist this into me being delusional. I am fully aware the internet can be an unkind place, but that doesn’t mean my blog, my space, has to follow that example.

Be kind, be patient, and be respectful, not that the majority of you haven’t already been doing so. Asks are open again. Anonymous will be turned on again when I feel comfortable.

Apologies to those who used anon because they were nervous/anxious. I completely understand where you’re coming from and this is nothing against you. Regardless I do hope you stick around, and maybe one day work up the courage to be open with me. Or continue to keep your distance, I completely understand that too.

[cherry-pop-elf]

Small Mouthwashing Break

Hey guys. I know so many of you are hyped and excited for another mouthwashing fic/update to my series but the whole RussianBot situation just. I can’t

I’ve seen things that have left me painfully traumatized. Its made me scared to even open this app. I’ve seen things no one deserves to see. Enough where I won’t even mention what they are

Until the situation is solved I just can’t be part of the fandom atm. I’m already painfully traumatized as is. I have enough going on in life. I don’t need more shit like this

It’s genuinely given me nightmares and taken a toll on my health, since fibromyalgia reacts to stress. What a way to start my thanksgiving break. Just peachy huh?

I’m super sorry to everyone that’s so eager to see more of my content, who want updates, to have asks left unanswered, but I deserve to take care of myself

Hopefully a few days away will make the situation resolve itself on its own. Maybe tumblr will actually do something. Who knows

Just know I’m super sorry, but I gotta take care of myself. I love the mouthwashing fandom/game but Jesus Christ those Russian Bots man

Keep me updated on if that stupid thing gets solved. If things go get fixed. That it’ll be safe to return

I wanna keep posting and doing what I love after all. Don’t we all?

Love yall

[minty-frost]

Just realized that I never posted this.

Original image by florkofcows

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

I'm frustrated enough with the criticism I'm getting, and I'm feeling petty enough right now, that I think I'm going to be mean to you all.

Whoever you are. I will be mean to you specifically, right now. Let's do this.

[iiscpr]

wonderful dreams

forced awake to confront reality^^

[monstersinthecosmos]

the most rancid drama starters in fandoms are always like "gee i wish this fandom was nicer, why do we have to fight all the time :("

[keeps-ache]

well, you can see it!

[strawberryfaced]

many thoughts are just kind of not worth it so today i am going to take my best trustiest broom and sweep them out of here. because. bye bye!!!!!!

[girl4music]

I really don’t ask for too much. I don’t think it’s asking too much to have a self-inserted version of me in TV art/entertainment that not only lives, but has a decent endgame. Maybe not necessarily a happy ending but at least some kind of ENDING that doesn’t include death for either me as my self-insert character or the character of which I love. It’s not asking too much.

It’s not asking too much to be allowed to exist and have a main narrative that’s properly concluded.

It’s not.

[lizzieraindrops]

osiris enjoyers i love you. i'll be over there but you boys have fun objectifying my grandpa <3 signed, a lesbian