#and I definitely haven't watched it 12 times in the past five days

[sillycicle]

must... make.... the sea beast oc.... must.... make.. httyd oc.... must make.... pirate

[supernovafics]

series masterlist | last part — next part

pairing: modern!actor!steve harrington x fem!reader

word count: 2.7k words

warnings: asshole!steve, explicit language, mentions of alcohol

summary: somehow your life becomes equivalent to a friday the 13th type of horror movie. there's no serial killer or any murders happening, but the day is full of so many problems that it feels like you'll never get out of this shitstorm

CHAPTER TWO | ❝𝒊𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒆❞

It had to have been because of something you’d done in a past life. Perhaps you were a murderer or committed other horrific crimes. 

In your head, that was the only thing that could explain why today had been the shittiest and most hectic day you’d probably ever had. And even though you were only halfway through this godforsaken Friday, you knew that nothing would ever be able to top it. 

You were hit with issue after issue, and when you solved one thing it seemed as if three more popped up. It felt like a fucked up game of whack-a-mole. 

And just when you thought you could finally have somewhat of a breather, you were bombarded by a production intern bawling her eyes out. She had made a mistake earlier that day that she was still feeling pretty emotional about; she put the wrong time on the call sheet for Monday and printed and handed out copies with the typo. It wasn’t that big of a deal or the most detrimental mistake that could’ve been made— in fact, with one quick announcement and some reprints the problem had been fixed— but you could understand why she was upset about it. 

“It’s okay, alright? Please stop crying, Hannah.”

“I’m sorry,” She said with a sniffle. “I just really wanna do a good job and I know I haven't been, and I really don’t wanna get fired.”

You were about to reassure her once again but you were interrupted by a PA tapping your shoulder to grab your attention. 

“Hi, sorry to interrupt, but I have Steve’s lunch order that you asked me to pick up,” He said. 

“No, no, you’re fine. Thank you so much,” You said, actually completely thankful for the interruption. You grabbed the outstretched bag from him and then looked at Hannah again. “You only made one mistake. I promise it’s okay, and you’re not getting fired.” 

She nodded and you gave her one more reassuring smile before you rushed off in the direction of Steve’s trailer, quickly glancing through the bag to make sure that the order was right as you sped walked to the completely other side of the set. 

“You’re late,” Was the first thing he said to you when he opened the door. 

You briefly glanced down at your watch; 12:05pm. You were only five stupid minutes late, but of course he was annoyed at you. “The day has been really hectic and–”

He shook his head at you before you could finish. “I don’t really care.”

There was a lot you wanted to respond back with, but you held it back.

“Got it,” You said instead as you handed him his food and started walking away before he could close the door in your face. 

It had only been two weeks since filming started and it was pretty clear that neither of you liked each other. He definitely didn’t like you, for reasons that you assumed were because he didn’t like anyone and he was somehow physically incapable of being nice. And in return, you decided to just not like him back because you couldn’t care enough to do anything to try and make him like you. Mainly because trying to do so felt like an impossible feat in itself, and also because you quickly came to the decision that he didn’t deserve your genuine niceness. 

Barely a minute after you’d walked away from Steve’s trailer, you were summoned by the lighting department to help handle an issue they were having. It truly seemed as if you would never get a break. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Way too many hours, and a shit ton of more problems to fix later, you were finally home. And after the longest shower ever, you were sitting on the couch in your living room, a bowl of freshly popped popcorn on your coffee table in front of you next to a bottle of wine that was moments away from being opened. 

Your plan was to watch the worst reality TV show you could find and laugh at it until you fell asleep, and you knew that because of how exhausted you were from the day it would probably happen within the hour. And you didn’t even feel the tiniest bit embarrassed that you’d be going to bed before ten o’clock on a Friday night. 

You were only a few minutes into a show called Love on the Mountain and hadn’t even poured your first glass of wine before your phone started ringing. 

A part of you truly wanted to ignore the call because you could only assume that it was work related, and you wanted to hope that whatever it was about could wait until tomorrow, or hopefully even Monday. But, of course, the part of you that could almost never turn your work brain off needed to look at who was calling. 

You regretted it almost immediately when you saw Steve’s name lighting up your screen.  

You wondered why he could possibly be calling you right then, and then as if the universe was simultaneously screaming and laughing at you, you looked around and your eyes immediately landed on the big yellow envelope that contained the script rewrites Steve needed to have sticking out of your tote bag that was sitting on your small dining room table that at most times doubled as a work desk. 

Fuck.

You were supposed to give the script rewrites to him, or at least put them in his trailer before you left for the day, because they were for all of the scenes that were filming on Monday, but it had completely slipped your mind. 

You answered the phone and then shut your eyes. “Sorry, I already know you’re calling about the script rewrites. It completely slipped my mind. When do you want me to give them to you?”

“I would’ve really liked them hours ago,” He said, the annoyance unsurprisingly very clear in his tone.

This was the only time you could actually understand him being annoyed at you, but hearing how pissed he sounded still managed to piss you off just the same. 

You inwardly let out a long breath. “I can bring them now.” 

He didn’t say anything in response to that, and instead hung up. Barely a minute later, your phone pinged with a text from him that was simply his address. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

When you walked into Steve’s apartment building, you were met with the sight of a man standing behind a front desk. It was always easy to tell that you were at an expensive apartment building in LA when the lobby felt eerily similar to a hotel. Your building didn’t even have a lobby; there was just a hallway that led to some insanely small elevators. 

You gave a small wave to the man and then showed the yellow envelope. “Hi, I have this for Steve Harrington.”

The front desk man, whose name tag read James, nodded at you. “Yes, he told me to expect someone coming to bring something for him. You can go right up.”

“Can I just leave this here with you?” You asked because you did not want to have any sort of an interaction with Steve right then; what you really wanted was to get back home. 

“Usually with most packages, yes. But for this, Mr. Harrington told me that he wanted you to bring it up.”

Of course, he did. And you knew the exact reason why he was doing this was so that he could say some sort of shitty comment to you about this mistake you made since he apparently hadn’t done enough of that on the phone before he hung up on you.

“Is there a bathroom I can use first before I head up?”

James gave you an apologetic look. “Sorry, the bathroom in the lobby is for residents only, and management is really strict about that rule.”

“Okay,” You responded with a small sigh. “What floor is Steve on and what’s his apartment number?” 

“He’s at the Penthouse, so you’ll just press PH and his place is the only one up there.”

You nodded at that before heading to the elevators. On the entirety of the ride up to the top floor, you mentally prepared yourself for whatever Steve would say to you, and you also pushed your need to pee far away. 

Your knuckles rapped against his door in three quick knocks and after making you wait for an unbearably long minute— which felt so much longer than just a minute and almost made you think that you’d somehow ended up at the wrong apartment— Steve opened it.

“Here are the script rewrites,” You said and you held out the envelope for him to take. 

“Thank you,” Steve said, his voice unmistakingly condescending, as he grabbed the envelope from you. It was actually kind of fitting that the first time he ever said a “thank you” to you was in a sarcastic way. “Sorry for making you do your job.” 

Apparently, the mental preparation you’d done on the elevator had been no help at all because his words in that moment irritated you more than anything else he had ever said to you. 

You were at your breaking point for dealing with all of his shitty remarks pretty much every day for the past two weeks and giving him nothing back in response. You’d continuously swallowed down everything you had wanted to respond to his comments with, but right then, it was as if every other annoying thing you’d dealt with from the day was bubbling over, and for once you actually couldn’t hold back. 

“Oh yeah, no problem,” You said, easily matching his sarcasm. “I actually did this all on purpose because today has been the absolute worst day ever and I wanted to make it even worse by talking to you right now. Honestly, the perfect way to end this shitty Friday.” 

You almost felt bad for everything you’d said, maybe that outburst was a bit much, but then for the briefest of moments you could’ve sworn that one side of his mouth quirked upward in something that resembled the tiniest of smiles before he simply looked at you with the straightest face you’d ever seen. It was hard to feel bad for what you said when, at least for a millisecond, he seemed somewhat amused by it. 

The two of you stared at each other for a few moments. You expected him to say something in response to your comeback, but he began closing the door instead. Of course, right then was when your need to pee decided to come back. 

“Wait.” You said, placing a hand on the door before he fully closed it. “Can I use your bathroom?”

“No,” He said and then finished shutting the door. 

“Okay, I’m sorry for what I just said,” You said, making your voice loud enough so he could hear you through the door. It was actually a bit easier to apologize without having to look at him. “I shouldn’t have said it.”

His response came barely a second later. “Still no.”

You were so close to letting go, but you knew that you wouldn’t be able to last on the twenty minute drive back to your place, which could potentially be pushed to thirty minutes depending on how terrible LA traffic decided to be right then. Therefore, you knew you had to keep trying. But you also knew that you’d rather pee your pants than beg Steve Harrington for anything, so you weren’t going to say one “please” to him. 

“Come on. The guy in the lobby said that I can’t use the one down there because of some management rule.”

Steve didn’t say anything to that so you decided to continue. 

“If I die of a bladder infection, you’ll get stuck with a random PA as an assistant for the rest of filming, and you’ll probably hate them more than you hate me. Also, if I die I promise I will haunt you so much.” 

It would’ve made sense to assume that he walked away from the door by then, probably to his bedroom or somewhere else far away from where he could potentially hear anything you were saying. But, something told you he was at least still lingering by it. 

“Steve?”

Finally, he decided to say something. “You’re not gonna leave, are you?”

You almost laughed at how annoyed he sounded. “No, so unless you wanna get blamed for me dying outside of your door, you should just let me use your bathroom.”

You heard something that sounded like a cross between a scoff and an actual laugh, and then moments later, the door opened and he let you inside. 

You refused to admire anything about his apartment as you walked in. Not the phenomenal looking kitchen that had a huge white marble island in the center of it. Not the living room area that had a huge television hanging on the wall and an even bigger white couch that looked way too soft and inviting. And definitely not the floor-to-ceiling windows that provided a beautiful view of the city; you could even see the fucking Hollywood sign lit up in the distance.

There was nothing you admired about his apartment. In fact, you kind of hated the place. 

And you were also a huge liar. 

“The guest bathroom is down the hall,” Steve told you. “The door on the left.”

You nodded at that, avoiding eye contact with him because you didn’t want him to see how enamored you were with his apartment; you were sure that it was written all over your face. 

You headed to the bathroom, which for just a guest bathroom seemed way too big, and it simply became another thing that you upsettingly liked about the place. 

After using the bathroom, you looked in the mirror and were quickly reminded that you hadn’t cared to change out of your pajamas before leaving your apartment, so you still had on a pair of black sweatpants and a gray t-shirt from high school that had faded letters and random bleach spots. The only thing you added to your outfit was a zip up hoodie because it was actually a little chilly outside, and you now zipped it up because you felt embarrassed about your shirt, even though Steve had definitely already seen it. 

You finished washing your hands and then left the bathroom. You saw Steve leaning against the kitchen island, already looking at the script you’d given him. 

“Thank you for letting me use your bathroom,” You said as you started heading toward the door. “See you Monday.” 

He only nodded at you and didn’t say anything else before you opened the door and left. 

When you were in your car, your phone pinged with a text from him. 

Steve: Let’s try not to have anymore fuck ups next week, okay?  

You rolled your eyes at his message. 

You: Sorry but I’m already planning to fuck up your coffee order on Monday so yeah…

Steve: Really great joke.  

It was almost too easy to read the text in his usual sarcastic tone. 

You: Not a joke. 

You were close to leaving the conversation there; putting your phone down and ignoring whatever else he’d say to you as you drove home to finally have the night that you wanted to have. However, there was something about him now seeing you as bad at your job because of this one mistake you made that didn’t sit well with you. 

You pressed the call button on his contact name before you could think better of it. 

He answered on the third ring. “What?”

“I always do my job well, by the way,” You told him. “Today was a shitty day and it was actually a bit hard to juggle your shit with the other shit being thrown at me, so the script rewrites completely slipped my mind, and I’m sorry about that. But, it won’t happen again.” 

You expected him to immediately hang up on you like he did with all of your other calls because none of them ever had an actual ending, but he didn’t hang up. Instead, he simply said, “Okay,” and then ended the call. You had a feeling that that was probably the closest you’d ever get to getting any sort of a “goodbye” while on the phone with him.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

next part!

[megamindsecretlair]

20 Questions for Writers

Thank you for the tag @nerdieforpedro this was just the kick in the pants I needed to get more organized. LOL

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I started on Tumblr and I'm new to AO3 and have been too lazy to copy and paste all that LOL. I have 6 fics on AO3 and 65 on Tumblr, not counting individual series.

2. What is your total AO3 word count?

I'm........a little embarrassed to say lol. But it is 500,516. Oh chilleee, why though lmfaooooo. Listen, something unlocked in me with these fics and all these wonderful responses to my writing, okay?! I missed my teenage angsty fanfic years and I'm speedrunning through it for now okay?! Okay, I'll go hide now.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I started with Marvel but I've somehow morphed into a blog for gorgeous, gorgeous Black men who don't get nearly enough love. A sprinkling of white men. And a dash of Pedro and hopefully, Oscar because Moon Knight is my whole heart and I need him biblically.

4. Top Five fics by kudos:

WHEW. Going through Tumblr for this was ROUGH. Ya'll lucky my brain had time today.

You Understand Me Now : This had the highest notes of all my fics. And I keep getting asks to do more similar to this. But what ya'll looking for in this one?????

Sprung : I am surprised!! Out of all my Tyrone fics, I did not expect this to be so high. It was my first request and my first shy girl fic. Special place in my heart frfr.

Mr. Black, Part 1 : Nothing is more fun than watching the notes trickle down the further along in the series it is lol. Further proof that I write these for ME. But anywhooooo, I think this collectively unlocked something in all of us lol.

What's Your Favorite Scary Movie? : Lissen, it was spooky month, it was a full moon, I was FERAL for Ghostfast smut okay??!! I am actually surprised this is so high up and it's not more Tyrone on this list LOL

Runaway Lover, Part 1 : I did not expect to turn this into a mini-series, but here we are LOL. I can't deny ya'll nothing! This definitely stretched some muscles for me and I enjoyed challenging myself. Probably one of the few fics I just let flow and stopped berating myself for how long it was.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely! I love engaging with people and every single comment fills me with so much joy. I make every effort to respond to comments!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

OOF, the most??? Probably.....Through the Fire with Franklin Saint. That one still hurts ME to this day LOL.

Through the Fire

7. What is the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?

Jeez, all my endings are pretty happy?? I can't really single any one out for being the most happy. I like happy couples round here.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope (and I knocked on wood). Thankfully everyone has been really kind and sweet about my work. It overwhelms me every single time.

9. Do you write smut?

All day, every day. I am a whore disguised as a barely functioning member of society LOL. I am a whore trapped in a slut wrapped up in a floosy. I am the slutty version of a Matryoshka, or Russian nesting dolls lmfaoooo.

10. Craziest Crossover?

Hmmmm, I haven't done any crazy crossovers yet. I should remedy that. That sounds like hella fun.

11. Have you ever have a fic stolen?

Nope, thank the LORDT. (I knocked on wood) Not that I've seen and no one has told me that it's been stolen. I take comfort in knowing that I am but a tiny island in the sea that is Tumblr and ain't nobody trynna steal my silly little stories. This is not an invitation, don't be an ass and steal. I will give you advice, I will teach you to write, I will read over your writing, whatever. Stealing is some basic bitch shit.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, not that I know of. It'd be interesting to see someone try to translate nigga or half the shit I say LOL.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I have not but that sounds interesting! I have a teensy *coughalotlikealotalot* control issue, so it'd be interesting to see if my writing style meshes well with someone else.

14. All time favorite ship?

OOOOOF, this is hard. I just don't vibe with a lot of ships. Because these writers always break them up anyway. I like SydCarmy and Kanthony at the moment.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I pretty much finish (shut up lol) all my fics. There's a lot that I want to write but nerves or time does not permit. I'd die to write some Frank Castle, Dean Winchester, Matthew Lillard, Benedict Bridgerton....basically the folks on my white men roster. But they get enough attention.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Strengths?????! You want me to praise myself?? Nerdie, how could you LOL. But ummm......I think I do well with dialogue and chemistry. I feel like each reader is uniquely situated for each fic. I can write a lot, like too much at times.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I SUCK at descriptions. Lordt, that's my weakest point. Always has been lol. I be like sheeit, idk, they in a room getting busy, what more do you want from me??? LOL

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I like it and I respect it from other writers. Lends an extra layer of authenticity. But I do personally dislike when the translations are at the bottom of the fic. I'm not scrolling back and forth and by the time I get to the end, I done forgot what the hell it was supposed to be lol.

19. First Fandom you wrote in?

Marvel. Started with Loki. My love, my precious love. He started it all for me.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

No, I shan't shut up about Once Upon a December LOL. It's my favorite dammit. It's a sweet, gothic, romance from Prince Bucky. Like he can be my prince any fuckin' day.

This was fun and definitely learned some things about myself lol.

No pressure tags: @umber-cinders @harmshake @multiversefanfics @just4shyt3z @j0kers-light @slippinninque

[j-restlessgeek]

Hi Lovely Jay!!

3 12 23 32 46 for the ask game <3

Meow there 💛💛💛, awwww thank you for the asks 💛💛💛💛

3. What was the last song you listened to?

Little Wolf from Epic the musical/wisdom saga, its sooooo good and i had the saga on loop since I woke up 🥰🥰🥰🥰

12. Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?

Definitely the entirety of summer camp, my twin and thats about it, i really don't hug others that often 😅😅.

23. Do you believe in aliens?

Not in a action/scifi movie sense, but sure there must be extra terrestrial life out there, they even found proof of such. And the universe is huge and growing still.

32. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?

I really looove bamberg, its a town in germany. I have only been there once, its beautiful and has been completely spared from the war, its a lovely town, i would love to live there 🥰🥰🥰🥰 or going to a forest and walking without a goal really, just looking at things.

46. What do you need when you are sad?

Definitely space, like i need to sort my thoughts and feelings before someone attempts to comfort me or else I feel worse and pressured. I usually put on one of my comfort movies (my number one since years has been Tim Burtons A Nightmare Before Christmas, it usually always works) i also like a good hot chocolate to warm me and the chocolate is good to fill up the happy chemicals in your brain :3. And a good cry is helpful too, i am working on just letting them out (was not that good about crying in the past), I also like going on nightly walks but I haven't been in a while (because the last time ended horrible) 😔😔, but i really looooooove watching stars. 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Thank you these were nice 💛💛💛💛, i wish you a nice day 💛💛💛💛💛

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

576 of 2023

1 - Does it bother you when dogs lick you?

Yes, it does. I don't like the smell of dogs and I don't like the feel of their tongues.

2 - Have you ever lost a nail completely for any reason? What happened?

Yeah, when I was a kid. I somehow torn it on the swing. Thankfully it grew back and I already forgot how it feels :P

3 - What was the last item you received in the mail?

A custom phone case with the photo of my late cat Victoria printed on it.

4 - When was the last time you used a hot water bottle?

I don't think I've ever used it.

5 - Have you ever been told you drink too much caffeine? Do you think that’s true?

Nah, I always tried to limit my intake. Now I had to cut off caffeine completely because it stops my meds from working.

6 - Do you have any caring responsibilities for anyone else? What do those responsibilities involve?

Yes, for my cat, previously two cats. I feed them and clean their litterbox. We both buy them food and play with them. I also have a teenager in the house. I technically don't do anything, but I buy food for him, too.

7 - Have you ever had any experience with alcoholism?

Not personal.

8 - When was the last time you cleaned the bathroom?

Technically today.

9 - How much does it cost you to fill your car up? Do you need to do it often?

I have no real insight because it's not me who drives our car.

10 - How often do you see family members that you don’t live with?

At least once a year, just this year we've been there 4 times.

11 - Would you ever want to live on a houseboat?

Nah, I prefer a standard house. I might try for a week, but not for the lifetime.

12 - Do you wear shoes inside your house?

No. Only if I go to the backyard.

13 - What color eyes do your pet(s) have?

Yellow. Susie has bright yellow eyes, but Victoria had yellow eyes, too.

14 - When was the last time you played The Sims?

I never really played it. Not interested.

15 - Would you rather have a swimming pool or a hot tub?

Swimming pool, hands down.

16 - Are you watching anything on TV at the moment, or are you listening to music while you fill this out?

Watching TV, with one eye.

17 - What do you do with unwanted gifts?

I try to sell them.

18 - Do you have any friends or relatives that you regularly have to help when it comes to using technology?

Yeah, my mum. She's bad at it.

19 - Do you prefer scented or unscented candles?

Unscented, but I rarely use candles anyway.

20 - What was the last thing you cooked in the oven? What about on the hob?

Ribs and soup.

21 - What’s your favorite way to eat chicken?

Baked wings and wraps. I like chicken in general.

22 - Do you prefer cows milk or another type of milk?

Cow milk, definitely. It has to be whole for me. I can't stand skimmed milk. Things like qlmond and cashew milk are out of question because I'm allergic to nuts.

23 - What time do you consider to be a lie-in?

Past 8am. I take my morning meds then.

24 - When was the last time you changed any of your piercing jewelry?

Ears, yesterday. My facial piercings, I haven't since I've redone them.

25 - If you could have a years’ worth of something for free, what would you pick?

Cat food. Susie is so damn expensive these days.

26 - Have you ever won anything on a scratch card or the lottery?

Yeah, 50€. It happened only once.

27 - Is there a hobby you loved five years ago that you don’t enjoy anymore?

Can't think of anything. My hobbies are stable.

28 - Do you watch the Great British Bake Off (or the Great British Baking Show as it’s known in the US)?

No, never heard of it.

29 - Would you leave the house in what you’re wearing at the moment?

Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I?

30 - When was the last time you needed to charge your phone?

It's on charging right now.

[desertwarden]

1. I don't fully consider myself one because I am still learning and don't have firm stances on certain things yet. I don't really think I can consider myself one until I can adequately defend my positions, cite evidence, and actually be able to understand when people refer to literature. My ideal is to eventually be educated and not just ideologically aligned, if that makes sense.

2. Just seeing all of the serious injustice that women still go through every day, especially worldwide, which is literally horrific in some regions, yet still have men crying about how women are so privileged now. The rampant defense of the worst men ever just because people like them. Realizing how misogynistic some LGBT spaces are, particularly some trans spaces. Seeing other feminists defend absurd things like porn and treating other women like sex objects (can't make the feminism too unsexy to men or make me think too hard about how I act!!!)

3. Depends on your definition. I believe that female-only spaces are important, and that the trans rights movement overall has many flaws and issues at the moment (including rampant & growing misogyny), but I think a lot of TERFs ignore the complexity of transgender people as well as how effective transition can be. Knowing the transgender people that I have, I can't earnestly say that I am 100% gender-critical. That said... there is definitely a ton of bullshit, and a lot of people who definitely aren't really dysphoric and are either dealing with misogyny or a fetish. And there are consequences if you make it easy for people to easily self-ID legally. Some TERF points have gotten to me about it, but I'm still not sure where I stand.

4. I identified as a "trans man" for 2 years, albeit mostly only online (fortunately, lol). I think all of my "dysphoria" had to do with my discontent of how my female body was perceived and how I was treated based on that, not any real dysphoria.

5. Bisexual, I "dated" (online LOL) a guy once in the worst period of my life when I was like 14-15 and haven't dated anyone since. I have no plans to date men now because any time I get close to one, the misogyny appears like some sort of Five Nights at Freddy's jumpscare.

6. I've never liked makeup. I never had an interest in wearing it. I still don't. I mean idk but I never understood why so many women throughout my entire life spent all that money and went through all that effort when they were already beautiful.

7. horrible, I want that outlawed but specifically in a way that exploitative producers/pimps/etc and customers/Johns are punished and not the workers themselves.

8. bad due to the industry & often the content of porn itself promoting really awful kinks and fetishes. I've never watched an actual porn video (I've never had a desire to) but I've seen GIFs and pictures in the past, which count imo. I think it's grooming a lot of young people (especially young girls) into sexualizing/objectifying themselves in harmful ways and I do not like that either. And just encouraging harmful sexual behavior too, particularly in men.

9. Negative. I think it's a form of oppression. I am not Muslim or ex-Muslim, though.

10. I shave my arms/hands like once or twice a week, but that's it.

11. Gender isn't a tangible thing -- it's solely social. Sex is the set of sexual characteristics that one possesses. Intersex people don't destroy the sex binary by being the exceptions to the rule. Most people can be easily categorized as male or female, including some intersex people.

12. I've felt pretty bitter towards capitalism in the past, but I've yet to seriously look into leftist ideas or leftist theory in general. Part of this is because a lot of leftists online seem obnoxious and pretentious about their beliefs and are often far removed from reality, but I've been told it's much different IRL.

13. USA

14. More anti-porn discussion but specifically in how it impacts women who consume it and women who have sex with men who consume it. I feel this is super overlooked, but it 100% impacts those women, too, and any talk about it, even if it's just based on personal accounts, would be eye-opening. Obviously, the main issue is that porn is bad for how it exploits people, but it's also awful in how it affects those who consume it, too.

15. Well.. with my answer to 1 in mind, no.

Questions for radblr / terfblr —

1. How long have y’all been radical feminists?

2. What ‘radicalized’ you?

3. Do you consider yourself a terf?

4. Have you ever (or currently) identified as transgender?

5. What is your sexuality? If attracted to males, do you consider yourself a separatist or are you still open to being with males (or do you have a boyfriend/husband currently)?

6. What is your opinion on makeup? Do you still wear it?

7. What is your opinion on ‘sex work’? Have you ever done ‘sex work’?

8. What is your opinion on pornography? Did you ever watch it in the past?

9. What is your opinion on the hijab? Are you a muslim/ex muslim?

10. Do you still do some of the things you criticize? (Shaving, makeup, etc)

11. What is your opinion on Gender vs. Sex?

12. Are you anti-capitalist?

13. What country (or continent) are you from?

14. What is a topic you wished more radfems would talk about?

15. Does anyone in your life know you’re a radfem?

Feel free to skip a question if it makes you uncomfortable!

[hamarhemmo]

More LGBTQ+ book/movie/game etc. recommendations!

Games:

Stradew Valley: A lovely game with simple pixel graphics. Basically you live on a farm that your dead grandpa left you and you get to make friends in the small town the farm is in. There's 12 characters that you can marry (6 guys, 6 gals) and also one friendly shadow person who you can take as a roommate. As you could guess all of the bachelors/bachelorettes are bisexual. Costs about 10€, available on almost all gaming devices I think.

The Arcana: A dating sim. Yes, they are pretty cliche but Arcana is seriously great. Basically you're a magician's apprentice, and you get to date cool people. You can even play all routes at the same time if you want. You get to choose your characters pronouns (he/she/they) and name. You can change them anytime. Of the dateable characters 3 are guys, 2 are gals, and one is enby. Julian's and Lucio's routes have some sexual humor but nothing extreme, and Muriel's route has some talk of past child abuse I think (haven't played it yet). The remaining three routes should be suitable for anyone. Free, for mobile.

Movies:

Mulan: Everyone already knows the plot, right? Technically not about a trans guy but I've still always enjoyed watching it on dysphoric days. Also Li Shang is a bi-icon.

Night at the Museums: If you follow me, you've probably already seen them, but basically they tell about a nightguard in a museum where everything comes alive at night. One of the characters is gay (Octavius) and I'd dare to say that Jedediah isn't straight either. Also Ahkmenrah just acts really gay. They are very funny and the characters are mostly historically accurate. The movies are on Disney+ at least.

Old Guard: The movie came out in 2020 so it has actually good LGBTQ+ characters :D. Anyways, it's about these immortal guys who do cool stuff and try to keep their immortality secret. It has five main characters of which two are dating (Joe and Nick) and one is wlw (Andy). Joe and Nick are the sweetest couple I've ever seen. Anyways I think there's gonna be a second movie in a few years. It's based on a comic thingy I haven't read. The movie is on Netflix.

YouTube:

One Topic At A Time: A lovely YouTuber, huge ally, and a dad figure for us all. Makes mostly videos where he reads memes from LGBTQ+ subreddits. Notoriously doesn't get innuendos. He's just a very sweet person, okay?

Kurtis Conner: A popular commentary YouTuber. His videos aren't necessarily about LGBTQ+ but he always tries his best at being inclusive, and has raised money for LGBTQ+ charities.

Lucas Cruikshank: Probably the gayest person I know. Does commentary and reaction videos. A bit questionable humor here and there but mostly suitable for anyone to watch. Definitely entertaining. He's the guy from Fred movies.

Jammidodger: A bisexual trans dude. Makes a lot of videos about LGBTQ+. Often goes through Reddit and has collabed with One Topic. His fianceé/wife is also bisexual and makes videos. (Her name is Shaaba.)

I may add something to this post later if I can think of more stuff.

Also tell me if I should keep the pictures or nah.

EDIT: I somehow forgot the TV show:

Shadowhunters. (It's also a book series but I haven't read it and it's very different, so i'm gonna only be talking about the show.) Anyways, the universe is hard to explain but basically there's humans (mundanes), shadowhunters and downworlders. Shadowhunters are part human, part angel, and downworlders are part human, part demon. (Also there's seelies who are part angel, part demon but anyways.) Basically shadpwhunters kill demons and are usually racist aginst downworlders. Let's get to the gayness: There's a lot of characters but of of the important characters one is gay, one is bi, one is ace, and the rest just give huge LGBTQ+ vibes. Also there's a lot of LGBTQ+ side characters. In my opinionthe gay stuff is really well done, considering the fact that the author is a cishet woman. I don't really know what else to say, but I definitely recommend.

[streetlight11]

Reunited Again

Summary: He was your neighbour, your best friend, he was your happiness ever since preschool. One day, he suddenly became distant and cold towards you for unknown reasons. Both of you slowly drifted apart. Years passed and you haven't seen him ever since you left your hometown to go to college. Who knew you'd see him again through your close friends from college 4 years after you moved. Would he remember you?

Theme: college au, childhood best friends to lovers

Genre: fluff

Warning: some curse words, that's it

WC: 3.9k

Pairing: Jung Wooyoung x Fem!Reader

a/n: Hello again! Here's a Wooyoung fic for you. Take care everyone :)

12 years ago was when his parents divorced after a horrible fight. His father took him in custody as he was only 10 years old at the time. After the divorce, his father turned into an alcoholic, a drug addict and was abusing him after dusk. He became his dad’s punching bag, this only made the boy even more stubborn and rebellious.

This also led him to the introduction of tattoos, gang fights, smoking, drinking, but never drugs. That was probably the one thing he despised and would never even go near one. That was the thing that drove him to insanity living in the house.

His dad was a drug addict and because of those drugs, he couldn’t grow up with the love of his own dad.

However, despite being in that state, only a few of them still stuck around him. And these guys were not even those who teaches him all the bad stuff while growing up. Instead, these guys were the friends he met since high school and college. Sure he didn’t have a bright past, sure he’s done things that were probably illegal and had a few police cases before, but these guys never looked down on him.

They encouraged him to work hard and chase after his dreams, and not to walk down the same path his dad did. And for that, he was thankful to have met them.

It has been 4 years since you last saw him. He was your neighbour and probably one of your best friends growing up. He lived just across the road from you. You still remembered when you first met him at preschool. Where he accidentally spilled his milk and so you went up to him and gave him yours.

From that day on, you two became like two peas in a pod. You loved him as a friend. You cared for him. You could never bear to see him cry over a stolen toy. You were always there for him. So when he suddenly turned cold and distant to you one day, you just couldn't accept it.

You wanted answers.

And not long after, you found out that his parents had divorced. His father became abusive and a drug addict so that’s why he kept his distance from you.

Because of that, you never blamed him for acting how he did back then. But that doesn’t mean you don’t miss the old him. Even now that it has been 4 years since you left your hometown to live in Seoul to go to college, you still prayed that some day, you’d bump into him again and everything would go back to the way it was.

It was a bright Saturday afternoon and you had promised your two best friends that you would meet them for brunch and just hang out with them. You decided to wear a white low cut cropped thin strap top, a black floral skater skirt and a beige knit cardigan. To finish the outfit off, you paired it with your black combat boots.

You met up with Seonghwa and Yeosang at the mall for brunch where they took you to an italian restaurant. After eating, Yeosang told you that he and Seonghwa wanted to introduce you to their close friends and that it was time for you to meet them.

“Are you sure about this? What if they don’t like me?” You asked, a little too self-conscious.

“They’ll love you! Besides, if anything, I’ll just threaten them to leave you alone.” Yeosang said with a shrug. You couldn’t help but scoff at his sarcasm. A few hours later, Seonghwa drove you to a well known street in Hongdae.

You sat in the front passenger seat as your eyes travelled all over the place.

Once Seonghwa was done parking the car, the three of you got out of the vehicle as he locked it. Yeosang immediately placed a hand on your back to guide you towards a tattoo parlour shop located just across the road from where you were. The bell chime caught everyone’s attention in the shop as the two boys standing behind the counter whipped their heads towards the door.

Their smiles immediately got wider when they saw Seonghwa and Yeosang. “Oh hey guys! You’re here!” The cute, smaller one said, only for the tall, handsome one to speak up.

“It’s about time you guys came. You’re late for your piercing appointment with me.” Yeosang laughed knowing the boy was directing his conversation to him.

“I know, I know. But the main reason we came here was to let you meet our friend we’ve been telling you guys about.” Yeosang said as he turned back to you, who was hiding behind Seonghwa.

Yeosang chuckled at your shy being, only to slide his hand around your waist and tugged you forwards gently. “Hyung, Yunho, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Hongjoong and Yunho.” Your eyes flickered to the two boys who smiled at you and waved.

“Hello! It’s nice to finally meet you.” Hongjoong said as he held his hand out for you to take. You gently shook it in return, causing the man to giggle.

“Is she always this shy?” Hongjoong asked his two friends, only for Seonghwa to speak up.

“She’s only shy around boys she finds cute. So I guess you’re one of them.” This made you slap his stomach with the back of your hand, making the poor boy groan. You glared at him, only for Yeosang to laugh out loud before prompting you a high five.

“The rest will be out a minute. You can have a look around if you don’t plan on getting any piercings or tattoos.” Yunho said with a smile before turning to Yeosang and his smile completely disappeared before it turned into a snarl.

“Now get your ass back there. You’re late for your appointment.” Yeosang could only smile cheekily before he followed Yunho round the back.

You began to walk around the parlour, admiring the tattoo designs on the wall while Seonghwa and Hongjoong were just chatting by the counter. You were too engrossed in the tattoo designs that you completely missed the way two males just left one of the back rooms. One was a client and one was a piercing artist by the name of San who was also their friend.

You also missed the way Seonghwa pointed to you as he told San about why he and Yeosang came here today, earning a small cheeky smirk from the younger boy. You were just staring at the beautiful mermaid design when someone’s hand on your back made you jump.

It was just Seonghwa.

“Y/N, come meet another friend of ours. This is San. He’s in-charge of the piercings.” The said boy extended his hand out to you, making you shake it politely before saying hello. He too was pretty cute. Unlike Hongjoong who had two full tattoo sleeves, San was pretty clean on the skin except one or two small tattoos on his neck and inner bicep.

However, his piercings were prominent. He had a number of them on each ear, along with an eyebrow piercing on the right side and a tongue piercing.

You thought Seonghwa and Yeosang were cute. You clearly haven't seen their friends.

Right after you had just let go of San’s hand, a voice coming closer and closer to the main area made you turn your head towards the back rooms. Only to see a buff man maybe in his late 20s leave the back room. However, the person who left after him was the reason why your heart almost leaped out of your chest.

You couldn’t help but stare at him as you felt yourself stumble back a step. Crashing into Seonghwa slightly.

You watched as he went round the back of the counter to toss the tray of equipment into the sink before turning to Hongjoong and telling him the amount to charge the man.

After the man had taken the change and left, that’s when San spoke up brightly. His energy was definitely not at your level.

“Oh yah! Seonghwa hyung and Yeosang finally brought their friend over to meet us!” The individual turned off the tap and grabbed a clean cloth from the counter, only to turn around. That’s when his eyes got locked on yours. He paused his movements for a split second before returning his gesture.

But the disappointment on your face didn’t go unnoticed by him when all he did was nod his head towards you and simply turned back to go to the back room.

“Sorry about him. He can be a little rough with new people. His name is Wooyoung by the way.” San said. You clearly recognized him. His name felt all too familiar on your tongue.

Why did he react that way? Did he really not recognize you? Is he the Wooyoung from your childhood?

All these questions began to flood your train of thoughts as Yeosang and Yunho came back out laughing at something the other said. Just then, Seonghwa gently snakes his arm around your waist only to whisper in your ear.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

You blinked away from the back room that Wooyoung just entered only to nod. But you knew Seonghwa well enough to know that he didn’t buy your bullshit, yet he decided not to question any further.

A few minutes later, two more boys came in only for you to find out that they were also friends with the boys and their names were Mingi and Jongho.

The 9 of you ended up hanging out at the parlour, while you managed to warm up to San, Hongjoong and Yunho almost immediately thanks to their outgoing characters. You were seated on the couch’s armrest with your legs crossed over the other politely to cover your private area when Yeosang asked if they wanted to go grab dinner after the shop closes in an hour's time.

They all agreed to it, only for a new customer to enter. San immediately got up to attend to them who wanted piercings.

You noticed his absence in the circle when you glanced over to the back room. The boys’ voices were completely muffled in your ears as you couldn’t tear your focus off the male standing in the back room alone, looking busy.

He was wearing a plain black muscle tank. His biceps in perfect display, his right arm sleeve decorated with the most prettiest tattoo designs, his ear piercings, the left eyebrow slit and a piercing. He was hot.

You didn’t know how long you were staring, until he turned his head and caught you. With that, you quickly turned your head away in hopes that he wouldn’t think you’re a creep.

After they closed up the shop, the 9 of you dispersed to your respective vehicles to meet up at the dinner spot. You watched him carefully as Wooyoung approached the sports bike that was parked a few cars down from Seonghwa’s car. You cursed at yourself internally for out rightly checking him out when in reality, you might just be a stranger to him.

Nevertheless, you went for dinner and you bonded with the rest of them pretty quickly. Minus Wooyoung of course. That night, Seonghwa added you to their group chat and immediately, they welcomed you warmly.

Days became months ever since the rest of them first met you. The boys have been including you to most of their hangouts even if it just consists of them chilling at the parlour. However, not much has changed between you and Wooyoung. You knew you couldn’t force him to remember you so you avoided that. And he knew he couldn’t just outrightly tell you the truth cause it's been years since he last properly talked to you.

So he feels slightly embarrassed to actually talk to you and get close to you again. Today was no different as you all hung out at the mall for the day. You wore a blue floral off shoulder dress that stops at your mid thighs. You paired your outfit with a white converse, and your hair left in a straight wavy look.

Seonghwa picked you up as usual, only to compliment you on your look.

You arrived at the mall a few minutes before some of them, with Yeosang, Hongjoong and San already there. You were just leaning against the wall in between Yeosang and San, only to rest your head on Yeosang’s arm.

You were just talking to Hongjoong when you heard Yeosang call out to some familiar names. You lifted your head off his arm, only to see the remaining four boys walking up to you.

That’s when you took notice of Wooyoung’s outfit. He wore a white shirt with a black leather jacket, a white denim skinny jeans and a pair of Nikes. Damn he looked good. You looked away before he felt uncomfortable, only to bury yourself against Yeosang’s side.

You ignored his teasing, saying you were just tired when he knew that wasn’t the truth. They walked around the mall for a bit when they stood on the escalator one after another.

You were standing a few steps above Wooyoung, just talking to Jongho when he noticed a group of young boys peeking under your dress’ skirt from three steps below. But both Jongho and you didn’t notice this. He climbed up the steps, walking past the boys only to quickly come up behind you and used his body to shield your dignity from them.

But what made you jump was when you felt someone snake an arm around your waist from behind. You whipped your head around, ready to curse but your eyes melted when you saw him.

“Relax. The boys behind me were peeking under your skirt so I blocked them for you.” Wooyoung said softly, making you glance past his shoulder to see a group of young boys looking fairly annoyed at Wooyoung.

With that being said, you looked back at Wooyoung only to smile softly and said, “Thank you.”

Wooyoung could feel his heart skip a beat as they arrived on the top floor. What you thought he would let go of your waist, you were proven wrong. Wooyoung kept his arm around your waist, keeping it there naturally and it surprised you.

What you did realize is the way he kept looking back so you decided to do the same. You saw the same boys trailing behind you and this made you slightly uncomfortable.

You looked at Wooyoung who was already staring at you. Just then, you noticed the inner corner of his lips curving up into a smile.

You mimicked his expression as he playfully bopped your nose with his own, making you giggle.

Neither of you realized where you were going until the rest of them stopped in front of a restaurant. That’s when Wooyoung finally pulled away from you and you immediately missed his touch. Since that day, you couldn’t forget the way he hugged your waist, protecting you from potential harassment.

That was enough to make your heart melt even more for him. All you needed to know now is if he really doesn’t remember you or if he’s just been pretending this whole time.

It has been a month since that incident at the mall. Although Jongho was the only one who saw the small interaction between you and Wooyoung, he wasn’t one to rat people out. With that being said, nobody else except Jongho actually saw Wooyoung holding you by your waist that day.

It was currently a Saturday late afternoon and the boys invited you to hangout at Chan’s shared apartment with San and Wooyoung.

Since you were from your girls day out with Jennie, Lisa and Yeri, you were wearing a white skater skirt with a baby blue bralette that acts as a crop top for you. Your outfit was definitely more on the explicit side but it was just the boys right? They wouldn’t mind? Would they?

You arrived at their doorstep, only to be greeted by San who immediately gave you a one over, “Woah…” San said under his breath, making you realise that maybe this outfit was a bit too much.

“My outfit’s too provocative isn’t it?” You asked, making the boy panic. “What?! No! No! You look pretty, Y/N. Even hot to be honest. It’s just… like you said, a little provocative but I love it! I think you look great.” San said as he hugged you and soon dragged you in.

Suddenly, you were too shy to enter the house filled with boys and he noticed this. San chuckled as he rested a hand on your back to guide you until you were met with those in the living room. Similarly to San, everyone’s eyes were now on you, more specifically your outfit. “Woah. Since when do you own these clothes?” Seonghwa asked, making her sigh.

“I only wear these kinds of things when I’m out with my girlfriends. And I was with them, I just got lazy to head home and change. But seeing how all of you reacted, I wouldn’t mind doing it.”

Right after you ended your speech, a series of rejections came your way and it honestly baffled you.

“I just asked you about your ownership of these clothes, I never said you looked ugly in them.” Seonghwa said with a teasing smirk on his face. You scoffed as you stole a cushion from behind Mingi only to toss it in Seonghwa’s face.

However, the conversation got cut off when the halted footsteps down the hallway caught everyone’s attention.

There Wooyoung stood, in his grey sweatpants and a plain black muscle tank. His ash grey hair cutely tousled on his head as he scanned your outfit from head to toe, suddenly feeling his throat get dry and his face get hot. Since when did his childhood neighbour get this hot?

The room fell silent until Wooyoung spoke up first to get you attention.

“You look… nice.”

His simple comment made your heart melt as you thanked him shyly before putting your purse down beside Yunho on the couch and soon excused yourself to go to the bathroom. Once you were inside, you locked the door and soon stared at yourself in the mirror. You totally don’t blame them for staring but why did you feel extra warm when Wooyoung stared at you?

Fuck, this is torture.

Meanwhile in the living room, the minute you were gone, Yeosang was the first one to whisper out loud. “In the past 4 years I’ve known her, I have never once seen her in anything like that. What is she so hot for?”

“She looked really pretty just now. But I feel bad that she looked slightly uncomfortable.” Mingi said, making Wooyoung glance at the hallway.

A few minutes later, you finally left the bathroom ready to join the others when a familiar voice called for you from down the hall. You turned around to see Wooyoung poking his head out his bedroom door. He gestured for you to come over and so you did. Once you were in front of his bedroom, he carefully pulled you in before closing the door behind him.

“Wooyoung? What are we doing here?” You asked as he walked over to his dresser, only to pull out an oversized sweater before coming back to you.

“Here, wear this. Even though the rest of us really liked your outfit and we think you look really pretty in it, we do notice you being uncomfortable wearing that around us.” The room fell quiet as you stared at the sweater in his hand before looking back up at him.

“Wooyoung-” He cut you off by gently placing the sweater in your hands, making you smile.

“Thank you.”

He smiled softly at you as he watched you put the sweater over your head. It definitely was a bit too big on you but you loved it. Especially since it had a strong scent of him. After you were done, you spoke up saying, “Let’s go.” However, before you could reach for the door handle, Wooyoung stops you by sliding an arm around your waist.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you turned around to face him. You thought he would say something but what happened next made your heart skip a beat.

Wooyoung simply pressed his lips on your softly, his eyes fluttered shut as he moved his lips against yours. You were quick to do the same, hands finding their way up his chest and around his neck. You felt him hug you, deepening the kiss when you opened your mouth for him. Wooyoung pulled away for a brief second only to kiss you again. It was a kiss that he had been longing for, and he was finally getting it.

He soon pulled away, heavy breaths mingled together as you pressed your foreheads against one another. The room fell silent, your fingertips tracing down his neck before you spoke up.

“You remember who I am, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“Then why… why did you act like you didn’t know me?” Wooyoung let out a soft sigh before he spoke up.

“I’m really sorry. I just thought you would have forgotten me since I treated you awfully since my dad became an addict… I’m so sorry Y/N.” Wooyoung whispered against your lips, making you cup his face.

“Shh, it’s okay… I forgive you.” You said as you kissed the tip of his nose, only for him to hug you. He buried his face in your neck, feeling him plant soft kisses onto your skin. You both stayed like that for a while, just embracing each other after all these years. You were the first to pull away, only to kiss him again.

“Promise me you’ll never leave me again.”

“I promise.”

You smiled as he pecked your lips and soon, both of you came back out to join the others. They asked you where you were, only for you to say you had a quick catch up session with Wooyoung. That stirred some confusion from them but they didn’t question any further. They also didn’t comment on the sweater that was now covering your body.

A few hours later, you were all playing a game of truth or dare as you sat in between Mingi and Wooyoung. The bottle stopped at you, making you choose dare over truth. “I dare you to kiss someone in this room right now.” You found yourself smirking as you shrugged your shoulders confidently.

“Easy.”

Without further ado, you didn’t even need to think as you turned to your left and kissed Wooyoung with a smile gracing over your lips. The gasps didn’t go unheard by you and Wooyoung but you couldn’t help but focus on your childhood neighbour.

Wooyoung reaches up to hold your face gently as the other hand snakes around your waist to pull you closer. After you pulled away with a soft giggle, Yeosang couldn’t help but ask out of curiosity, “Since when are you two close?”

“Actually, he was my childhood neighbour.” That’s when Hongjoong spoke up loudly in shock.

“She’s the one you’ve been telling me about?! I told you she would cross paths with you again and things would get better!” You turned to Wooyoung, only to see his ears turn red.

You found out that he had told Hongjoong everything about you and his friendship with you except for your name. You couldn’t help but laugh as Wooyoung hugged your side before kissing your cheek. This was such an endearing side of him, something you would never expect coming from a scary looking boy with two full sleeve tattoos.

Nevertheless, you were happy things got resolved between you and him.

~~~

[babygirlkiki1016]

Dead in the water

Me and Dean sat on the edge of the bed like two teenagers in trouble as Sam was pacing the room, trying to think on what he should say. Finally he stops and looks at the both of us with his arms crossed.

"So let me get this straight, you tell her you wanna wait till she's eighteen but then you decide screw it?"

"....Sammy-" Dean begins to say but Sam cuts him off.

"Dean if your gonna be with her then you can't have sex till she's eighteen."

"Your ove- wait...what? So hold on your ok with this?"

"Yeah, I mean it was gonna happen sooner or later. It's hard for you to stay away from a beautiful lady anyways." I blushed at Sam's comment.

"Well that's new." Dean mutters and he grabs a lock of my hair, making me look over at him.

"What?"

"Your hair it's pink and purple."

"So two emotions at once? I'm guessing pink is love....and purple is fear. So your nervous and feeling loved at the same time!" Sam grabs his laptop and begins taking even more notes.

"Aren't you guys afraid if me?....I mean this isn't normal, don't you guys think I'm a monster or something?" I wondered, was I a monster? Is this what happened to me years ago? Is this what dad was talking about, about how he didn't trust John because...something happened to me?

"Well you certainly have powers, but you can't control it besides you don't know what's going on."

"And you haven't killed anyone." Dean adds.

"But why is this happening now? When I was at home none of this was happening....maybe I should call dad..."

"No, we can't risk him finding us, the next time you call him he'll probably be ready....and I don't want you to go..." Dean admits, while scooting closer, I could tell he wanted to kiss me.

"You two get a room! Wait no, don't do that." Sam laughs, "Alright love birds we need to get back to the subject at hand." He starts researching about the case we're working on, Dean was still staring at me. "Dean!" Sam yells, catching his attention. "Day dream later, work now, you need to take Y/n to get a few things."

"Like what?" He asked.

"Tattoo, gun that kind of stuff, if she's gonna be a hunter then she needs to have the supplies."

"W-Wait what tattoo?" I stutter and Dean points to the pentagram on his chest.

"It's so we don't get possessed, don't worry I'll be there with you."

"Ok, and a gun? I mean why not just use the ones we already have in the back of the impala?"

"Cause you need your own, one that you can carry with you at all times." Dean gets up, puts his shirt back on then grabs the keys to baby. "C'mon we'll get you prepared while Sam does his nerdy thing." I chuckle and follow after him, while grabbing his hand to hold it. He didn't even question it, he pulled me in and kissed my lips, making me yearn for more. Sadly the kiss didn't last long, if we stood there any longer Sam probably would've come out. When we got in the car, the whole drive to the tattoo parlor we were jamming out to eye of the tiger. Which I was still humming it while I was sitting in the chair getting the pentagram on my (wherever you decide to put it.)

"That's a pretty good spot." Dean commented, as he sat next to me.

"Thank you." I grinned, he smiled but it slowly faltered over time, making me grab his hand, squeezing it. "You ok?" I asked worriedly.

"...What happened at the motel can't happen again." He didn't even look at me it was like he was ashamed, did he regret what we did?

"Why not?" He didn't answer, I grabbed his chin and made him face me. Sighing he scoots closer as he lowers his voice.

"Your seventeen Y/n...."

"So? We only have (how many months until you birthday.) I'm technically eighteen already."

"One I don't wanna get arrested and two, we met about about three weeks ago. Don't you think we're moving a little to fast?"

"According to Sam you bone a girl on every case, or at least try to, and your saying it's a little to fast?"

"Good point, but....I just want you to be sure this-" He points to himself, as if himself was a problem. "-is what you want."

"....You are what I want, if you weren't I wouldn't have kissed you. Although if you wanna wait....I respect your decision." That made him smile, he leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you, now I believe your tattoo is done." I looked down at it, it was sexy as hell. After we payed for it, we went on the road again. When we crossed over the bridge I asked Dean if we could stop to see the lake and look at the sunset. Hesitantly he agreed and pulled over, I got out excitedly. The lake was a dark blue mixed in with pink and orange from the sun, it made me sad to think it was gonna be gone soon.

"It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Not as beautiful as you." Dean flirted making me blush as he pulled me closer by the waist. He started to lean in, those rough lips covering my soft ones.

"I thought we couldn't do this again."

"I meant almost having sex, kisses are something we can definitely do." He smirked and leaned back in again, and as his lips brushed against mine his phone rang. Angrily he sighed and answer it, it was probably Sam.

"What? No we're not!" The look on his face made me giggle as he looked over at me. He started moving his hand, pretending it was Sam who talks to much. "We'll be there in twenty minutes Sam, we still gotta get a gun. Sam, Sammy we're fine....alright we'll be there as soon as we can. Mhm ok bye."

"He's certainly a talker huh?"

"It's a nightmare on how much he can talk...now where were we? Oh yeah I remember." He pulled me back to his side. "Might as well steal as many kisses I can get before we head back to the kiss police." He smirked and smashed his lips against mine once more as his arms wrapped around me. This time it wasn't just a normal kiss, I fought for dominance, my tongue asking for entry. Biting his lip he pulled back, "Y/n keep doing that and I just might say screw it again.." As he said that he slipped from my grasp. "No I promised myself I can wait...c'mon let's get back to Sam." Sighing in disappointment I got back in the car, I guess he's really serious about this.

~~

"I found something." Sam says as we sit next to him. "So there's the three drowning victims this year."

"Any before that?" I wondered.

"Uh, yeah." Sam has a browser window open to The Lake Manitoc Tribune. "DROWNING TAINTS ICE FISHING FESTIVAL." It says, he clicks, and another browser window comes up, again The Tribune: 12-YEAR-OLD Girl DROWNS IN LAKE, Second drowning in 6 months at Lake Manitoc. "Damn, so six more spread out over the past thirty-five years. Those bodies were never recovered either. If there is something out there, it's picking up its pace."

"So, what, we got a lake monster on a binge?" Dean jokes as he grabs a beer, he hands the both of us one.

"Dean no." Sam tries to take it away from me.

"Aww c'mon Sammy one beer won't hurt." Dean winks at me, both of the boys stare at me as I take a sip without any reaction. "See what'd I say? She's fine."

"So this whole lake monster theory." I try getting them back on track. "It, it just bugs me."

"Why?" Sam looks at me in confusion.

"Loch Ness, Lake Champlain, there are literally hundreds of eyewitness accounts, but here, almost nothing." Sam looks at the Tribune homepage once more.

"Whatever it is out there, no one's living to talk about it." Sam states as he scrolls to the comments section of an article, I point to one.

"Wait, Barr, Christopher Barr. Where have I heard that name before?" I remember that name, I thought, it's so familiar. Sam reads from the page.

"Christopher Barr, the victim in May." Sam clicks a link, opening a new page. "LOCAL Man IN TRAGIC ACCIDENT." The picture loads and it shows a police officer with Lucas. "Christopher Barr was Andrea's husband, Lucas's father. Apparently he took Lucas out swimming. Lucas was on a floating wooden platform when Chris drowned. Two hours before the kid got rescued." Sam clicks the picture for a better look, then scratches his head. "Maybe we have an eyewitness after all."

"That kid must be so freaked out. Watching one of your parents die isn't something you just get over....." I felt bad, but so far Lucas is our only lead, hopefully he'll help us. We headed to the park planning to talk to Lucas who was our only witness. Kids are laughing and playing as Andrea sits on a bench and watches her kid. Who is at another bench coloring and playing with toy soldiers.

"Can we join you?" Sam asks and Andrea looks up.

"I'm here with my son." She says as I spot Lucas and so does Dean.

"Oh. Mind if we say hi?" Dean asks, and he lightly grabs my arm signaling for me to come with.

"Why are you bringing me with you?"

"Cause of he doesn't talk, then hopefully you can convince him." We approach Lucas, who's drawing a picture.

"How's it going?" Dean kneels down next to the bench where Lucas is coloring, when Lucas doesn't even look up, Dean picks up one of the toy soldiers.

"Oh, I used to love these things." Dean imitates guns and explosions, I chuckle as he tosses the toy soldier down.

"I think crayons is more his thing Dean. That's cool, besides I like to draw myself, including painting." I noticed that he has a pile of drawings on the bench. Dean takes a look, the top one is of a big black swirl, the second one is of a red bicycle.

"Hey, these are pretty good. You mind if we sit and draw with you for a while?" Dean asks, he picks up a crayon. "I'm not so bad myself."

"Oh really?" I ask.

"Yea I'm a pretty good artist."

"Mhm...we'll see." I grab a crayon and a piece of paper, and start drawing. "Can you draw a bird?"

"Oh so this is a competition? Your on."

Dean sits on the bench, picks up a pad of paper, and starts drawing. "You know, I'm thinking you can hear me, you just don't want to talk. I don't know exactly what happened to your dad, but I know it was something real bad. I think I know how you feel. When I was your age, I saw something." Dean says to Lucas. "You don't think anyone will listen to you, or believe you. I want you to know that I will. You don't even have to say anything. You could draw me a picture about what you saw that day, with your dad, on the lake...hm?" I say, Dean sighs. "Okay, no problem. This is for you." Dean holds out to Lucas the picture he drew, it's stick figures. "This is my family." Dean points at each person in turn. "That's my dad. That's my mom. That's my geek brother, and that's me, then a little birdy in the sky-" Dean stops talking as he sees my drawing, which was a lot more detailed than his.

"I thought you could draw Dean." I giggle.

"All right, so I'm a sucky artist...." Dean waits for any sign from Lucas, hoping he would chime in but nothing. "Well see you around, Lucas." Dean heads back to Sam and Andrea, I smile, he seems really good with kids, I thought.

"Here." I place my drawing next to Lucas. "You can keep it...just know of you need anything, I'm here." Him still not responding, I make my way to the others.

"Lucas hasn't said a word, not even to me. Not since his dad's accident." I hear Andrea say.

"Yeah, we heard. Sorry." Dean says softly.

"What are the Doctors saying?" I ask.

"That it's a kind of post-traumatic stress." She explains.

"That can't be easy. For either of you." Sam intervenes.

"We moved in with my dad. He helps out a lot. It's just...when I think about what Lucas went through, what he saw..."

"Kids are strong. You'd be surprised what they can deal with." Dean smiles and looks over at me, making me roll my eyes.

"You know, he used to have such life. He was hard to keep up with, to tell you the truth. Now he just sits there. Drawing those pictures, playing with those army men. I just wish-" Andrea goes silent as Lucas walks up, carrying a picture.

"Hey sweetie, you ok?" I kneel and smile, he hands me the picture. "Thank you..." It's a picture of the Carlton house....

~

Me and Dean are inside the motel room, I'm sitting at the table and Dean is sitting on a bed. Sam went to the library to get some books so we were alone.

"Y/n? Here." Dean suddenly speaks, he pats the seat next to him. I slowly walk over and sit next to him.

"You ok?"

"Yeah...About earlier, on the bridge...."

"Dean..."

"It's not that I don't want to I do trust me I do...."

"Don't apologize, it's ok I understand..." He glances over at me, his eyes showed a little bit of lust. We both started to lean, this feels wrong, I thought, but yet so right. We've only known each other for a few weeks, yet I wanted him more as his lips brushed against mine. Our lips connect, making me scoot closer but Dean pulls back again.

"We can't..." Yet he kisses me again muttering over and over one more. I slipped onto his lap, straddling him while pulling closer. Before we could possibly go any farther Sam opens the door and comes in as we quickly seperate.

"So, I think it's safe to say we can rule out Nessie." He says, unaware of what was going on.

"What do you mean?" I questioned, Sam sits across from me and Dean.

"I just drove past the Carlton house. There was an ambulance there. Will Carlton is dead."

"He drowned?" Dean asks.

"Yep. In the sink."

"What the hell? So you're right, this isn't a creature. We're dealing with something else."

"Yeah, but what?"

"I don't know. Water wraith, maybe? Some kind of demon? I mean, something that controls water...water that comes from the same source."

"The lake, that's the source." I chime in. "Which would explain why it's upping the body count. The lake is draining. It'll be dry in a few months so whatever this thing is, it's running out of time."

"And if it can get through the pipes, it can get to anyone, almost anywhere." Sam says as Dean stands up.

"This is gonna happen again soon. And we do know one other thing for sure. We know this has got something to do with Bill Carlton."

"Yeah, it took both his kids." Dean growls.

"I've been asking around. Lucas's dad, Chris, is Bill Carlton's godson."

"Let's go pay Mr. Carlton a visit."

~

We left to go to the Carlton house a s spotted Bill sitting on the bench on the dock. Sam speaks "Mr. Carlton?" He looks up, wondering who we are

"We'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

"We're from the, the Department-" Bill cuts Dean off.

"I don't care who you're with. I've answered enough questions today."

"Your son said he saw something in that lake. What about you? You ever see anything out there? Mr. Carlton, Sophie's drowning and Will's death-we think there might be a connection to you or your family." I explain.

"My children are gone. It's...it's worse than dying. Go away. Please." Realizing we weren't gonna get any where we decide to head back to the car.

"What do you guys think?" Sam ask.

"I think the poor guy's been through hell. I also think he's not telling us something." Dean guesses, Sam leans on the Impala.

"So now what?" I ask, Dean goes still "What is it?"

"Huh...." Dean is looking at the Carlton house. "Maybe Bill's not the only one who knows something. Y/n do you have the picture Lucas gave to you?" I nod and pull it out, the picture Lucas brought him, which is of the Carlton house.

~

"I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a good idea." Andrea says, we decided to give Lucas another visit hoping he'd talk to us.

"We just need to talk to him. Just for a few minutes." I plead.

"He won't say anything. What good's it gonna do?"

"Andrea, we think more people might get hurt. We think something's happening out there." Sam explained.

"My husband, the others, they just drowned. That's all."

"If that's what you really believe, then we'll go. But if you think there's even a possibility that something else could be going on here, please let me talk to your son." Dean looks at her, hoping she'll say yes. Silently she agrees leads us into Lucas room with Sam and Andrea behind us, he's coloring, toy soldiers standing around him. We enter and Dean crouches down by Lucas. "Hey, Lucas. You remember us?" I notice Lucas has drawn two more pictures of a red bicycle. "You know, I, uh, I wanted to thank you for that last drawing. But the thing is, we need your help again." Lucas is drawing a person in water. Dean opens the house picture and puts it down in front of Lucas.

"How did you know to draw this? Did you know something bad was gonna happen? Maybe you could nod yes or no for me." He ignores Dean and keeps coloring. I slowly walk over and sit down in front of him. "You're scared. It's okay. I understand." Dean told him. "See, when I was your age, I saw something real bad happen to my mom...I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom-I know she wants me to be brave. Cause she taught me to be brave. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe, your dad wants you to be brave too...its ok if you don't want to, but I really need your help." Lucas drops his crayon and looks up at Dean then at me. He hands me a picture of a white church, a yellow house, and a boy with a blue baseball cap and red bicycle in front of a wooden fence.

"Thanks, Lucas." I smile, which he returns making me fill with happiness. After we left Andrea's house the three of us are standing infront of the Impala, Sam examining the church picture.

"Andrea said the kid never drew like that till his dad died." Dean speaks.

"There are cases-going through a traumatic experience could make people more sensitive to premonitions, psychic tendencies." Sam groans.

"It's all part of the process." I chime in. "Whatever's out there, what if Lucas is tapping into it somehow?"

"You mean magically?" Dean asked, confused.

"Yeah, I mean he might be connected but he doesn't even know...but what does the church have to do with this?"

"I don't know, but the only problem is there's about a thousand yellow two-stories in this county alone." Sam looks at the picture. "See this church? I bet there's less than a thousand of those around here."

"Oh, college boy thinks he's so smart." Dean comments.

"Well what about the church we passed by when we drove into town?" I wondered  which the boys thought it wouldn't hurt. So we drove to the white church shaped like the one in Lucas's picture. There's a yellow house next to the church and a wooden fence near the house. When we got to the door, I knocked and a woman answered. We told her we were FBI, at first she was hesitant but eventually let's us in.

"Im sorry to mother you ma'am, but does a little boy live here, by chance? He might wear a blue ball cap, has a red bicycle." I ask.

"No Ms, Not for a very long time. Peter's been gone for thirty-five years now." She sighs, and I notice a picture of Peter on the side table. "The police never-I never had any idea what happened. He just disappeared." Sam points out to Dean a number of toy soldiers on a table. Just like the ones at Luca's house, I thought, so I was right. "Losing him-you know, it's...it's worse than dying." She explained, however I felt someone staring at me, it was Dean. When we make eye contact he looks away, cheeks burning.

"Did he disappear from here? I mean, from this house?" Dean asks.

"He was supposed to ride his bike straight home after school, and he never showed up." Sweeny answers, I start to walk around and pick a picture off the mirror. There are two boys in the picture, one Peter with a bicycle. I read the back of the picture, the words made my eyes go wide. "Peter Sweeney and Billy Carlton, nineteen seventy." I mutter, after the visit with Mrs. Sweeny, we decide to go talk to Bill again. "Mr. Carlton?" Sam calls out as we walk up to the house, we hear an engine roar. We run around the house to see Bill going out on the lake in his boat. "Hey, check it out." Dean says, pointimg towards the lake. We start to run to the end of the dock, yelling. "Mr. Carlton! You need to come back! Come out of the water! Turn the boat around!"

He ignores us and keeps going, the boat was to far out, all I could see was the water rising up, making Bill's boat flip over.

~~

After the accident me, Sam, Dean, and Jake walk in the door of the police station. Andrea looks over, "Sam, Y/n, Dean." She stands up, putting the bag and a container on her chair. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"So now you're on a first-name basis." Jake says. "What are you doing here?"

"I brought you dinner."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I don't really have the time."

"I heard about Bill Carlton. Is it true? Is something going on with the lake?"

"Right now we don't know what the truth is. But I think it might be better if you and Lucas went on home." Lucas looks up and whines, looking stricken. He jumps up and grabs my arm, pulling and tugging.

"Lucas, hey, what is it?" I kneel down, it was like he was trying to get a message to me but couldn't form the words. "Lucas?"

"Lucas." Andrea calls.

"Lucas, it's okay. It's okay. Hey, Lucas, it's okay. It's okay." I say and was about to comfort him when Andrea pulls him away from me and leads him outside. He doesn't look away from me however. Jake throws down his jacket and goes into his office. The three of us follow behind. "Okay, just so I'm clear, you see...something attack Bill's boat, sending Bill-who is a very good swimmer, by the way-into the drink, and you never see him again?" Jake summarizes, Dean glances at me.

"Yeah, that about sums it up." Dean mutters.

"And I'm supposed to believe this, even though I've already sonar-swept that entire lake? And what you're describing is impossible? And you're not really Wildlife Service." Dean looks surprised. "That's right, I checked. Department's never heard of you three."

"See, now, we can explain that."

"Enough. Please. The only reason you're breathing free air is one of Bill's neighbors saw him steering out that boat just before you did. So, we have a couple of options here. I can arrest you for impersonating government officials and hold you as material witnesses to Bill Carlton's disappearance. Or, we can chalk this all up to a bad day, you get into your car, you put this town in your rearview mirror, and you don't ever darken my doorstep again."

"Door number two sounds good." Sam says but I was about to protest.

"That's the one I'd pick." After that we left, packed our stuff an left. I was pissed, there is something happening here and we're just gonna leave? The three of us are in the Impala, waiting at a traffic light. A sign says I-43 North to Milwaukee is to the left. The light turns green, but the Impala doesn't move, after a few seconds Dean turns right.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Thats what I'm wondering to. Dean, this job, I think it's over." Sam tells him.

"I'm not so sure." Dean says.

"If Bill murdered Peter Sweeney and Peter's spirit got its revenge, case closed. The spirit should be at rest."

"All right, so what if we take off and this thing isn't done? You know, what if we've missed something? What if more people get hurt?"

"Deans gotta point, I don't think this is over either." I agree.

"But why would you think that?" Sam questioned.

"Because Lucas was really scared."

"That's what this is about?" Sam groans.

"I just don't want to leave this town until I know the kid's okay." Dean agrees.

"Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?" Sam chuckles and Dean glances at Sam.

"Shut up."

~~

We arrived back at the Barr's and stood out there for at least a good five minutes.

"Are you sure about this? It's pretty late." Sam asks us, Dean rings the doorbell. At that moment, Lucas opens the door, desperately afraid.

"Lucas? Lucas!" I yell but he takes off. We follow him to the hallway, water is pouring out from under the bathroom door and down the stairs. Lucas starts pounding on the bathroom door again. Dean pushes him over to Sam and I kick in the door. Lucas grabs Dean and me, so Sam runs into the bathroom and sticks his arms in the tub, trying to pull Andrea out. She is pulled back under, and Sam is struggling, so I run over and help him out. The force is strong but not strong enough, we keep pulling until Andrea is all the way out. As soon as she's out she starts coughing up water, later Andrea is sitting in the living room, dry and wearing comfortable clothing.

"Can you tell me?" Sam asks, who is sitting next to me.

"No." She answers. Dean and I were looking through notebooks on bookshelves, to see if anything that is happening would relate to the situation.

"It doesn't make any sense." She starts crying. "I'm going crazy." She puts her face in her hands.

"No, you're not. Tell me what happened. Everything." Sam pleads.

"I heard...I thought I heard...there was this voice."

"What did it say?"

"It said...it said 'come play with me'. What's happening?" Dean pulls out a scrapbook that says "Jake - 12 years old" and opens it, flipping pages. He closes it again, nudges me and we go over to Sam. He puts the book down in front of Andrea, open to a picture of Explorer Troop 37. "Do you recognize the kids in these pictures?"

"What? Um, no. I mean, except that's my dad right there. He must have been about twelve in these pictures." She moves her finger over to another picture of Jake as a child, he is standing next to Peter. Dean looks at Sam, then me.

"Chris Barr's drowning. The connection wasn't to Bill Carlton. It must have been to the Sheriff."

"Bill and the Sheriff-they were both involved with Peter." I muttered

"What about Chris? My dad-what are you talking about?" She asks, I look over to Lucas. "Lucas?" I call, he is staring out the window.

"Lucas, what is it?" Dean asks, Lucas opens the door and walks outside. We all follow him, he look determined.

"Lucas, honey?" Andrea calls as he stops and looks at the ground, then at Dean. "You and Lucas get back to the house and stay there, okay?" Dean says and Andrea pulls Lucas back to the house. Dean and Sam presumably fetch shovels from the Impala, before they start digging. After five minutes later I hold out my hand.

"Here Sam, I'll take over, why don't you go inside?" He nods and heads inside after handing me the shovel, so now it's just me and Dean. It was silent for a little while, until I spoke. "So, we gonna talk about it?" Dean glances at me.

"About what?"

"...The kiss, that Sam sort of ruined." He laughs.

"Well uh...what is there to talk about?" He stops, making me stop as I walk over to him, lightly placing my hand on his. "Dean I...Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why kiss me? I mean do you...love me? Or is this just a fling." He goes silent for a second, but speaks.

"I don't know what I feel...however when I'm with you I'm happy..." I smile, I make him happy, I thought. "Y/n...I know your seventeen, but I want to be with you. So will you be my girlfriend?" Quickly I nod which makes a flower bloom on his features. He slams his lips against mine. He drops the shovel and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. Sam clears his throat while laughing silently and we pull away, both of our cheeks red. "Am I interrupting?" I chuckle and we go back to digging as awkwardness fills the air. My shovel clanks against something, and me and Dean dig with our hands, pulling out a red bicycle.

"Peter's bike." I whisper.

"Who are you?" Jake growls from behind us, pointing a gun.

"Put the gun down, Jake." I tell him.

"How did you know that was there?"

"What happened? You and Bill killed Peter, drowned him in the lake and then buried the bike? You can't bury the truth, Jake. Nothing stays buried."

"I don't know what the hell your talking about."

"You and Bill killed Peter Sweeney thirty-five years ago. That's what the hell I'm talking about." Just then Andrea runs up yelling. "Dad!"

"And now you got one seriously pissed-off spirit." Dean mentions.

"It's gonna take Andrea, Lucas, everyone you love. It's gonna drown them. And it's gonna drag their bodies God knows where, so you can feel the same pain Peter's mom felt. And then, after that, it's gonna take you, and it's not gonna stop until it does." I tell Jake, he scoffs.

"Yeah, and how do you know that?"

"Because that's exactly what it did to Bill Carlton." Sam explains.

"Listen to yourselves, all of you. You're insane."

"I don't really give a rat's ass what you think of us. But if we're gonna bring down this spirit, we need to find the remains, salt them, and burn them into dust. Now tell me you buried Peter somewhere. Tell me you didn't just let him go in the lake." Dean begs.

"Dad, is any of this true?" Andrea asks, voice shaking.

"No. Don't listen to them. They're liars and they're dangerous."

"Something tried to drown me. Chris died on that lake. Dad, look at me." Jake does. "Tell me you-you didn't kill anyone." He looks away in shame. "Oh my God." 

"Billy and I were at the lake. Peter was the smallest one. We always bullied him, but this time, it got rough. We were holding his head under the water. We didn't mean to. But we held him under too long and he drowned. We let the body go, and it sank." Jake tells us and Dean glances at Sam. "Oh, Andrea, we were kids. We were so scared. It was a mistake. But, Andrea, to say that I have anything to do with these drownings, with Chris, because of some ghost? It's not rational."

"All right, listen to me, all of you. We need to get you away from this lake, as far as we can, right now." Dean warns, but Andrea turns her head and spots Lucas going down to the lake, she gasps. We turn to what she's looking at, "Lucas!" I yell and I run up to the dock. Lucas is leaning over the side, reaching for a toy soldier in the water. "Lucas!" Dean yells.

"Lucas! Baby, stay where you are" Andrea yells. A hand comes up and pulls Lucas into the water. The adults have reached the edge of the lake. Jake stops as Peter's head is visible, Jake recognizes him. We keep running to the end of the dock.

"Oh my God!" Andrea yells. She takes off her jacket to jump in.

"Andrea, stay there!" I say and I jump in, I could hear Andrea trying to get to Lucas.

"We'll get him! Just stay on the dock!" Sam pleads. I could see Lucas at the bottom and I swim down there to get him. He was being dragged down, I swim faster, what I didn't understand is Lucas was let go and started floating upwards. Did the ghost just let him go? That doesn't matter, I grab Lucas and swim back to the surface. I emerge while holding Lucas, who isn't moving.

~

The three of us walk out of the motel, Dean opens his car door and Sam tosses a duffel in.

"Look, we're not gonna save everybody." Sam says, he was referring to Jake who died to save Lucas.

"I know." Dean sighs.

"Sam, Dean." Andrea walks up with Lucas. "Hey." Me and Dean say at the same time. "We're glad we caught you. We just, um, we made you lunch for the road." Lucas is carrying a tray of sandwiches.

"Lucas insisted on making the sandwiches himself."

"Can I give it to them now?" Lucas excitedly asks.

"Of course." Andrea smiles and kisses his head.

"Come on, Lucas, let's load this into the car." Dean says.

"How you holding up?" I ask Andrea.

"It's just gonna take a long time to sort through everything, you know?" I sigh. "Andrea, I'm sorry, if I knew-" She silences me and shakes her head.

"You saved my son. I can't ask for more than that. Dad loved me. He loved Lucas. No matter what he did, I just have to hold on to that." I smile as Dean walks up to me with Lucas.

"All right, if you're gonna be talking now, this is a very important phrase, so I want you to repeat it one more time."

"Zeppelin rules!" Lucas laughs.

"That's right. Up high." Dean holds his hand up for a high-five. Lucas obliges, grinning.

"You take care of your mom, okay?"

"All right." The both of them leave, Dean smiles and gives me a peck on the lips, then goes around the car.

"Sam, move your ass. We're gonna run out of daylight before we hit the road."

"Yeah yeah ok." Sam chuckled as we all got in, continuing with our adventure.

The New Hunter Masterlist

@samsgirl93 @nani-gram @eliwinchester99

[smnthchrstn]

All that you haven't answered!

i am much too lazy to go through and see what i haven’t responded to, so i’m just gonna do them all.

1. Are looks important in a relationship? Nope

2. Are relationships ever worth it? Probably

3. Are you a virgin? Okay see my other answers, this is a very long very rambly answer. 

4. Are you in a relationship? Nope

5. Are you in love? Nope

6. Are you single this year? I spent a chunk of it in a relationship.

7. Can you commit to one person? Yep

8. Describe your crush I have two. And one’s old enough to be my mom and the other my much older sister. (Does this mean I have a chance with Kate McKinnon?)

9. Describe your perfect mate Someone who is kind, loyal, shares common interests with me, can enjoy a good meme and shares my love of food/can make a grilled cheese please I’m begging you. I just want a decent grilled cheese.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope, not one bit

11. Do you ever want to get married? Probably if the right person comes along

12. Do you forgive betrayal? No I don’t

13. Do you get jealous easily? No I don’t

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? I answered this above ^

15. Do you have any piercings? Nope

16. Do you have any tattoos? Nope

17. Do you like kissing in public? I live in a republican area so it scares me.

20. Do you shower every day? Yep

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Hard no.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe my cat if I’m lucky.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Absolutely

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No, but let fate change my mind. 

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? This year? Hard pass. Next year? We’ll see.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? No.

28. Have you ever been cheated on? I have

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Not on my body, but my hair I have.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Of course

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Nope

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? See here. 

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yep

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Many

41. Have you had sex so far this year? “Sex”? No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? My hands are always moving.

43. How long was your longest relationship? Like seven months, but it wasn’t “official”. So like, maybe four months?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? This question is complicated because I had a lot, but some of my most serious relationships haven’t had a label on them. I’ve dated like officially maybe four people? Unofficially maybe like seven? Six or seven? - three boyfriends and a partner.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? One.

46. How many times did you have sex last year? See my above answers about sexuality.

47. How old are you? 22

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I’m your mom, how dare you (to my cat. come on, i don’t give out these deets on tumblr)

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? I don’t have one :P

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? My first like actual love or my boyfriend? Because my first true love didn’t wrong me and my first boyfriend isn’t alive.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes, my friends. Specifically my best friend, Sabrina. Now she is a ride or die.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? I’ve given up on a lot of people. I’ve given up on some family this year and I’ve given up on the person I believed to be the love of my life because sometimes people hurt you and you think that’s okay because you love them and don’t want to hurt them. You’re basically sacrificing yourself for others and that’s not okay for you.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No, no one cares about what I do haha

54. Is there someone you will never forget? Always

55. Share a relationship story. This one time my ex partner drove me home on the fourth of July and no one else had been driving on the highway at that time. We were holding hands and listening to Celine Dion and I kept pointing out all the fireworks I could see from the highway with this childlike amazement. It was a movie moment and I have enough of those to fill a book. It was the beginning of a wild adventure, one that I’m sure I could’ve continued on for a very long time.

56. State 8 facts about your body 1) I have scars on my shoulders from a severe sunburn. 2) I have a freckle on my left wrist (heard from twitter that’s really gay) 3) I have a small triangular scar on my right hand from burning myself on the oven. 4) My shoulders are covered in freckles. 5) My eyes are “green with gold specks” 6) I’m somewhere around 5′7 or 5′8 7) My hair is naturally a dark blonde, but I’ve dyed it black and or brown for the past four years. 8) I had my hair chemically straightened when I was twelve. I did it twice, it was a long and painful process. I did it due to bullying and have since grown to learn how to deal with my wavy hair.

57. Things you want to say to an ex Yikes baby, you missed out on a lifetime of love and support. Big yikes. 

58. What are five ways to win your heart? 1) Trust. Being able to trust you and know you aren’t going to just up and walk away one day. Knowing I can count on you, that we will both be here and amp each other up or celebrate each other’s accomplishments. 2) Attentive. Listening to everything you have to say and you listening to what I have to say. 3) Learning and growing together. Someone who over time wants to grow with me, not against me or before me or worrying about my life or what my next move is. Let me grow and let yourself grow and we will grow beautifully together. 4) Loyalty. Betrayal sucks. 5) This sounds really dumb but common interests are super important. I hope the next person I date likes the same stuff I do. That’s always worked out for me. 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? I think two years. In my last relationship we were about 16 months apart in age. So I guess not quite two. But usually it’s two years older or two years younger.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Eyes and hair.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Sexiest? I’m answering these out of order but see the foreplay question.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Doing something that is intimate for you, the other person, or both of you together. It can be defined in so many ways.

64. What is your definition of cheating? It isn’t just physical, cheating can be emotional and I think a lot of people let that slide. If you’re engaging with another person in a romantic or sexual sense emotionally or physically, that is cheating.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Haha okay neck kissing. Neck kissing makes me weak. Certain places make me weak. Stomach, thighs, neck - yep. And for me on the other end, I like touching arms and shoulders and hands. 

66. What is your favourite roleplay? I have never done that. Never did that with another person in that way. Surprisingly. 

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? If you like the person enough literally any scenario will be a perfect date. 

68. What is your sexual orientation? My sexuality is lesbian and demisexual. And explained (for me) that means I’m gay and I won’t do anything intimate until I know the person’s soul and love them. (attraction develops with emotional bond for me)

69. What turns you off? Dirt under fingernails, overconfidence, instability toward others, impatience, mostly traits. 

70. What turns you on? Trust, loyalty, kindness, tattoos, sensitivity to feelings. 

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? No kinky wet dreams here.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? “I love you” preferably lol always need that #reassurance

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? I’m extremely easy to impress. Like a playlist is the best way.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? None.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Played me songs that reminded them of me or performed songs for me in the car that they meant for me. That used to be a favorite of mine.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I used to write my ex notes and stick them to their fridge or in their bag to read when I left.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? When the younger person is older it feels more idk acceptable to me. Like a teenager and an adult, that’s not a consensual adult relationship I don’t approve of, of course. But I love older women (all women tbh) and could see it happening once I’m a bit older.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? It’s not really a secret but I love watching people smoke because it’s the hottest thing ever, even though I know it’s terrible.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Some family members harassed me on Christmas Eve and it made me jealous that they always seem to get away with questionable behavior. (More agitated than jealous)

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? My friend on her birthday.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Sarah Paulson, Hannah Hart, Kate McKinnon, Kristen Stewart, and Courteney Cox.

82. Who is the last person you hugged? I have no idea.

83. Who was your first kiss with? My first boyfriend.

84. Why did your last relationship fail? The person I dated stopped loving me.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Yes

[orbemnews]

Their lives haven't changed since getting vaccinated. This is their new normal Here are some of their stories, as told in their own words. Their responses have been edited for length and clarity. Her family realized they love being at home, so they are building a theater room Dawn Moore-Johnson, 55 • Conyers, Georgia We’re not going to be hermits in the house, but I think that there are still so many unknowns right now. Simply because I’ve gotten both vaccines doesn’t mean that I can just go out in public and act as if nothing ever happened. Our family has expanded from just a single female to having married in September AND moved my 83-year-old mom in with us. We went to a restaurant that we heard had good social distancing when I got a promotion. We get inside and I’m horrified because I’m looking around and these people don’t have on masks and I’m thinking, “What’s wrong with these people?” The servers had masks on, so we didn’t take ours off. We will keep going out to eat but eat outdoors or order takeout only. The theater is totally out of the question for me. But at the drive-in theater, you kind of feel like you’re cocooned because you’re in your own vehicle with your own family. It’s important to be able to do things that you enjoy doing, but just be careful while doing that. I am enjoying being at home. We have invested money to finish a portion of our basement so that we have our own theater where we can watch movies at home. We decided after we were vaccinated that we would go on a vacation. We will only drive for the foreseeable future — I don’t want to get on a plane. We chose Disney theme parks primarily because they are so stringent in their protocol. They are limiting tickets and you have to make reservations. We focused on trying to better ourselves and our life while we were quarantined and still are. My husband is working on his doctorate. I’m working on my master’s. We were able to do that virtually. I think there’s still so much that we have to learn. We don’t even know how long the vaccine is going to last. We don’t know what’s going to be happening in other parts of the world that can affect us. I think that certain things are going to be off limits for a while, unfortunately, at least for me. She is happy doing things on her own, but misses her grandsons Carla Glidewell, 72 • Indianapolis, Indiana My normal is the same as it has been for the past 12 months. I use a mask, wash my hands and have had both vaccines. I will not be going out and about or visiting with family until my two young grandsons get their immunizations. Being retired, I have never been doing a lot socially, like going dancing, going to bars or anything like that. I am a very happy person at home doing my gardening and my reading. I like jigsaw puzzles and paint by numbers. I live in a wonderful neighborhood and we do all visit out on the front porch, weather permitting, with a mask on. So, it’s not like I have zero interaction. I walk my two puppies and visit with friends on the phone. My big outings during the pandemic and even now have been to the grocery store every two or three weeks and to the gas station. I think until the variants calm down and until the world calms down, I’m just a very cautious person. Before the pandemic, I took my grandsons to and from school every day. That ended last year in March. If you want to believe this, my daughter lives 12 miles from me, and I am not yet allowed to come over. My daughter is extremely cautious. I look forward to being with the boys again. I’ve missed a year of their life. I’ve always played the Pollyanna game. When you’re 72, you’ve been through a lot, and I always try to find the good in whatever’s going on. My mother lived through World War II and that was for years, so I can do this. He is afraid to walk into a grocery store, but the gym keeps him sane Jermaine Williams, 35 • Dallas, Texas As a Black, deaf and gay working professional with mental illness, my plan post-pandemic is to continue learning more about how to utilize my coping skills and reconnecting the disconnect I have experienced. As soon as I got vaccinated, I started doing little things like going to the gym. I CrossFit five times a week, and I’ve run almost daily, and I still wear my mask when I work out. That’s kind of taking big steps to get back to the new normal, but I am still afraid of going into a grocery store. I worked at Whole Foods Market. But with the pandemic, I didn’t feel comfortable with people being in my space or in my proximity. Some of the customers would take down their masks and speak at me — that just freaked me out. I had to resign because I was still afraid of walking in the store. Thankfully, I was able to get a job as a delivery driver. During the pandemic, there were periods where I would not leave my apartment for almost a week or a week and a half. I have depression and generalized anxiety disorder manifested itself during the pandemic. With the help of therapy and psychiatry appointments, I was able to develop tools to better manage my anxiety and to develop some sort of a peace of mind. For example, large gatherings are something that I will not be returning to. It’s because of the current climate with people choosing not to be vaccinated and they disclose that they refuse to be vaccinated. That makes me uncomfortable, and I know that I’m not in a position of asking if they’ve been vaccinated. I enjoyed going to community events that serve the deaf and hard of hearing community. But with everything going on right now, it made me realize congregating may not be the same after the pandemic. Am I ready to be maskless? Not anytime soon. For the first time in awhile, I am comfortable using the word ‘no’ if the situation for me is not ideal or safe. She misses bartending, but she won’t be going back after the pandemic Joanne van Veen, 49 • Vancouver, Washington I’m not a barfly, but as a bartender, it’s so much fun. I get to flirt. I get to meet new people. I will really miss that. But now with the threat of a pandemic and serious illness, do I want to be around that many people? I usually get like a horrible cold every winter. For my health, I don’t think I’ll ever go back to it even if things got back to normal. I don’t think I’ll be going out to eat as much. My cooking is better and it’s less expensive. No more music festivals or concerts, either. I don’t want to be crammed in with a bunch of people anymore. Why do I want to do that when I have a comfortable couch? Covid has made me antisocial, it’s crazy. I actually had Covid in July. My daughter and I had it at the same time. It was enough to put the fear of God in me that something like this could happen. As things are opening up, emotionally I feel almost isolated from my friends. I don’t accept the invitations to go out to a bar or to go out to lunch even. I say, “Let’s take a walk instead.” Walking around seeing people in masks is disheartening. I suffer from claustrophobia and anxiety, which got worse during the pandemic. I cannot have anything near my face, so when masks came out, I thought “I’m screwed.” I don’t like the world that I see when I go outside my house. Inside my house, I can shut it all out. I had an appointment to be vaccinated but I panicked and wondered if I was ready. It sounds silly, but I’m truly scared. My dad is adamant about making sure that everyone’s vaccinated before we come visit. I haven’t seen him in over a year, so that’s the driving factor for me to get vaccinated in June before I see him. I don’t know if it’s just my age, but I feel like the whole pandemic thing changed me forever in a good way. As far as financially, I never ever in my wildest dreams thought that bartending would be a thing of the past, or that it was paused for a year and a half, to where you can’t interact with people. I’ll definitely be setting aside money for the future because you just never know what’s next. She wishes people would get vaccinated so life wouldn’t have to be this way Kimberly LoRusso, 46 • Northborough, Massachusetts Honestly, I don’t trust other people to have done the right thing. And it seems like the simplest thing is to keep the distance and wear the masks and kind of keep my bubble small. It’s me, my husband and two teenagers — my son is asthmatic. My children have both had their first shot. When we’re with our friends, we will widen the bubble a little bit. I have some close trusted friends that I haven’t seen in a long while, but I know that they’re vaccinated. I’m not up for concerts in the park. But I can definitely go to a couple of different friends’ backyards and have a barbecue there. I think it’s crazy that they are loosening these restrictions so wildly. I don’t see myself giving up the mask in public for a long while. I know most people are eager to shed them, but I enjoy the protection it has given me from others. People are so gross. It amazes me. Recently, I saw a man take off his mask to sneeze in the supermarket, and then put it back on. I was standing in the aisle going, “What?” You’re supposed to keep them on. I have become a little bit of a germaphobe. My children hate when the second they walk in the door, and I’m like, “Wash your hands, wash your hands.” I won’t let them sit on my bed in street clothes. I have them change because they’ve been out and exposed. I would love for everybody to get vaccinated so that I don’t have to be this way. Editor’s note: The portraits in this story were taken remotely using a mobile app Source link Orbem News #changed #havent #Lives #normal #Theirliveshaven'tchangedsincegettingvaccinated.Thisistheirnewnormal-CNN #us #vaccinated

[glass-closet]

hi there!! i'm very, very new. like. four days in the fandom kinda new. suffice to say my friend linked me a j2 fic and i was gone from there. i haven't actually... had a chance to watch any episodes or anything at all yet but i def will when i have some free time. ANYWAYS i was taking a scroll through your blog bc it was the first that popped up in the j2 tinhat tag and i was wondering if you had 1) a few blog recs for me to follow that are more towards the tinhatty side of j2 as well as (1/2)

+ 2) some basic/not so basic j2 timelines? i already know a good deal about the whole concept of beards/closeting/glass closets/seeding/etc etc etc because of past fandoms, but i don’t have very much background here yet. it also appears that i’ve come in at a bad time bc of ??season 13 disappointments? i can’t really tell :/ but i know fic is really good for shitty times so if you had any recs those would also be greatly appreciated!! thank you!!

Hello, dear @smollest-sammy! 

First of all, welcome aboard! It’s as good a time as any as far as I’m concerned. Being a J2 supporter is about enduring the crazy ups and downs, so if you stumble upon us at a “bad” time, chances are you’re developing to be better equipped to deal with that than the people who join us at a “good” time. 

I definitely recommend watching the show first and foremost. If you ask me, the first five seasons are an absolute treat. Like with following J2, there are good and bad times following those seasons, but I’d say it’s worth it to watch it all. The last season as well as the current one aren’t all that great in my opinion, but do make your own assessment of that. :)

As for J2, my primary focus, I suggest you start by reading Speak the Truth. I would go so far as to say it’s not even optional to those curious with what’s going on behind the curtain. There’s 12 years of history to learn and this website will give you a very good base understanding of how things developed to be how they are these days. Unfortunately the archive ends at the beginning of 2013 and from then on it’s harder to piece the story together. Reading spn-gossip from then onwards is a good idea and my tag “j2 resources” might help somewhat, too. 

Because my former blog recommendation post seems to elude me, I’m listing a few of my favourite (active) tinhat blogs that create original content:

@jdumblr - This lady is a vault of information with extremely well worded posts complete with sources.

@maspwinj2 - She’s feisty, funny and highly observant. Nothing gets past her!

@j2madhatters - The main hub for all J2 chatter. These ladies have a magical ability to find things!

@mooseintheocean - One of the sweetest ladies you’ll ever meet. Her asks are always amazing to read. 

@juststaywithme2 - Up and comer! His original posts are very interesting.

@likestarsonearthj2 - Her immaculate tagging system is immensely helpful when you’re looking for something. 

@spunsugarj2fantasy - An absolute sweetheart, so full of ideas and theories. 

I probably forgot someone and will regret that, but it is what it is. As for fic recs, that’s not really my thing, but I do have a sideblog where I reblog non-au fics that I’ve liked. It’s called @j2non-au, if you’re interested. 

One more thing! Before you decide J2 are real, I recommend researching them thoroughly. Get opinions from all sides. It’s always, always better to form an informed opinion based on your own research rather than believing someone that wants to tell you how things are in their opinion. Being a J2 supporter can be pretty tough in this fandom and people will want you to explain yourself. If you have the information, that won’t be a problem. 

Once again, welcome to our world! I hope you’ll enjoy spending time in this fandom and find a lot of friends. Have a fabulous weekend!

[datingadviceonreddit]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for four months, but we haven't even kissed or held hands yet. He's very awkward, so I'm afraid of making him feel uncomfortable, and I suspect that I'm his first proper girlfriend so I don't want to rush or pressurise him. I'm 24 and he's 19, and I feel like the age gap is very significant. I'm approaching the age where I'm looking for a proper adult relationship, but it feels like I'm dating a child sometimes. I thought that the age gap wouldn't be too much of an issue, but over time, his lack of experience has caused quite a few problems - both on a physical and emotional level, and I feel completely isolated and deprived of affection. I thought that things would improve if we were officially in a relationship, but we actually seem to be going backwards instead of forwards. I've never had to face this issue before, because literally every guy I've been with has been relatively forward and proactive about their physical or emotional interests in me, and I'm quite shy so I struggle with 'making moves' on people, especially if I have no idea if the other person even wants me to. His lack of experience means that I've deliberately taken things much slower than I usually would, but after four months, there's still not been any progression within any aspect of our relationship. I have no idea how to communicate my concerns, because he's already extremely sensitive and anxious, and the last thing I want to do is make him feel even more uncomfortable. I've posted this on a few different subreddits because I'd like as many perspectives and as much advice as possible really - so that I can get a general consensus as to whether I'm right or wrong to feel the way I do.I'm pretty sure that he's a virgin, whereas I'm five years older than him and have had many boyfriends in the past - two of which were incredibly abusive. I've been sexually involved with more than my fair share of people, whereas I get the impression that nobody has ever showed an interest in my boyfriend in that way, so I already feel like we're not on the same wavelength because we're both at very different stages in our lives. At first, I thought that it was sweet and slightly flattering that he was so inexperienced, and it was cute that he was moving so slowly with me, but there's such a thing as going 'too' slow. As time has gone by, our relationship just makes me feel more and more inadequate and anxious. We've been together for four months now, but we haven't kissed or even held hands yet. It says that we're in a relationship on Facebook so I'm not just imagining that it's something that it's not haha! Again, I know that he's not used to all of this, and I don't want to pressurise him, so I've been waiting for him to initiate things. I knew that it'd take time for him to adjust to dating, but I just feel like I'm wasting my time with him and I'm quickly losing interest.We haven't been on many dates - we see each other once every week or fortnight, but all we really do is walk around town for hours and end up in McDonalds, and as a 24 year old woman, I feel like I deserve a bit more excitement and sophistication than that. For our first ever date, he told me that we were going for a drink - I thought we might go to Starbucks or Costa, but he took me to the in-store cafe at Asda, where a pot of tea only costs £1, and I felt really overdressed and undignified. I felt so embarrassed and humiliated that I went home and lied to my Mum about where we'd gone together. It was also the most disgusting cup of tea I've ever tasted haha, but I plodded through because I genuinely enjoyed his company. There's nothing wrong with cheap dates, but I just want to date someone who I can have fun with, but hanging out with my boyfriend feels more like a chore - it's something that I just tolerate because I feel like it's more of an obligation than anything else.He invited me to go for a meal on Valentine's day - it turns out that we were going to Pizza Hut, which was an anti-climax and disappointing to say the least. He even kicked up a fuss about spending £1.99 on dessert, even though I offered to pay, and I just felt really cheap and not very special at all. He also tried to convince me to order from the kids menu. We were surrounded by 12 year olds on their first ever dates, and it was just really awkward and I felt a little bit humiliated. I thought that we'd definitely kiss on Valentine's day, but he could barely manage an awkward hug as we said goodbye. He gave me a single bar of dairy milk chocolate for Christmas, whereas I spent quite a lot of money and put a lot of thought into my gifts for him. I've visited his house a couple of times, but all we did was sit in his lounge and talk to his parents about the war for six hours. His cat was sick on me, and my boyfriend's initial reaction was to run away in disgust instead of helping to clean it up. When I'm around his house, he never says a word to me, and he sits at the opposite end of the room, so it feels more of an interrogation than anything else. He invited himself over to my house a few weeks ago - and again, I thought we'd probably kiss if we were in private - but all he did was sit awkwardly on the very edge of my bed for an hour, before his parents randomly turned up to take him home.We've never even come close to a kiss, and I feel like it's too late and the time has passed now anyway. I've waited for four months and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I've made it really obvious that I like intimacy, but he's expressed no interest at all in any sort of physical or emotional closeness. He avoids acknowledging any comments regarding kissing, sex, or other signs of affection - he seems to get very flustered and changes the subject immediately. It's reached a point where I feel like I can't totally be myself around him, because I like to make 'controversial' jokes or comments about sex etc, but obviously I can't when I'm around him, and I feel like I have to be careful about what I write on social media in case he reads too much into things.I don't even remotely feel like he's my boyfriend - it feels like we're just friends, but with this very awkward tension between us. We awkwardly hug once when we say hello, and once when we say goodbye - other than that, we barely even graze elbows. He very rarely compliments me, and we don't even talk most days, so we're not even close on an emotional level. He's had a few bad days over the last four months, but he never opens up to me. He goes silent whenever he's upset, even though he knows that I'm there for him and that he can talk to me about anything. There's no romance or intimacy whatsoever, and it's starting to affect my confidence and self-esteem. I'm also starting to resent the fact that I wake up early and spend ages getting dressed up just to go to McDonalds and watch him eat a Happy Meal (I'm a vegetarian so McDonalds is wasted on me haha). I used to be really excited about seeing him, but over the past few months, I've begun to enjoy his company less and less, and I'm now actively putting off dates because I find them/him so boring and I'm really confused about our relationship.I've been in two long-term abusive relationships in the past which have really knocked my confidence, so intimacy is a bit of an issue with me anyway - I'm used to the guy making the first move, and I know how anxious he must feel, so I've basically been waiting for him to be ready, but I can't wait forever. I have no idea where I stand with him, how he feels about me, and what he wants from a relationship. Whenever we meet, he always has to leave at 4pm so that he can get home and feed his cat haha! I was meant to be meeting him in town the other day, but there was a storm outside so I waited in a cafe - I told him where I was and all he said was: "ok okay", then I saw him walk past the window whilst he was pretending that he wasn't in town. I bumped into him in town again today, and he could barely make eye contact with me and seemed in a rush to get going. His emotional maturity, social interactions, interests and behaviour are the same as mine when I was 13 or 14, and subsequently, it feels like I'm dating a child sometimes.It just feels like he's way too inexperienced, and I already feel really weird about the age gap etc. I really don't want to end up resenting him for wasting my time, and I don't want to carry on seeing him whilst I have all of these doubts in my head. Bless him, he's absolutely clueless when it comes to dating - I thought that it was cute at first, but it quickly became quite stressful and overwhelming. He doesn't seem to be aware of a lot of very standard and basic etiquette, and I appreciate that he has a lot to learn, but I'm really not at a stage in my life where I have the time or energy to teach a guy how he should treat a girl etc. I've been in that situation before and it was exhausting. I knew that he was inexperienced before we started going out, so I didn't expect much, and there've been a lot of times when I overlooked his behaviour because of this, but it's really started to feel a bit ridiculous and I feel unwanted and trapped. I think he'd be better suited for a girl who also hasn't had much dating experience so that it'd be a bit more equal and balanced.I genuinely like this guy - we have a lot in common, and I'm sure he's lovely and I'm quite attracted to him, but I can't help but feel like something is very off. I really liked him at first, but now I feel like the opportunity and the spark have gone. I guess I'm just not into him as much as I originally thought I was, but I still feel really guilty about it. Our relationship is pretty much non-existent - we might as well just be friends. The whole situation is so awkward and confusing that I now feel incredibly anxious from something so minor as receiving a text from him. I know that this is his first proper relationship so I'm really scared to hurt his feelings, but I just find myself avoiding him nowadays. I've cancelled our last three dates, mostly because I've been trying to work out what I should do or say to him. I'm probably pushing him away because I know that I need to break up with him, but I'm really worried about how he'll react, and I'd rather let him down gently. If the situation were a bit different, and maybe if he was a bit older and slightly more experienced then I'm sure it would have worked out a lot better. I feel much lonelier now than I ever felt when I was single. I feel like I'm tied down to someone who can barely even hug me, and I know it's awful of me, but I'd rather be single and have the freedom to do my own thing and not feel quite so trapped. I have no idea how I should discuss all of this with him as he's very sensitive - I'm worried that he'd just crumble at the first hurdle - but I feel like breaking up would be the fairest thing for both of us.Update: Thank you so much for all of the wonderful advice that I've been given - it genuinely means a lot, and I'm taking all of your comments on board. I'm definitely planning to break up with him within the next couple of days, but I have no idea how I should handle it. His anxiety is so intense that he becomes physically unwell whenever he's upset, so I feel like doing it in person would just make things worse for him. I don't know whether I should tell him the whole truth as to why it isn't working for me, or whether I should fob him off with the whole "it's not you, it's me" line. I know that it's going to really affect his mental health, and I'm really going to struggle coping with the guilt of having hurt him.TL;DR - I've been with my boyfriend for four months, but we haven't even kissed or held hands yet. He's five years younger than me, and I'm certain that he's a virgin so I've been trying not to rush or pressurise him, but there's no physical or emotional affection whatsoever between us. He's an extremely sensitive and anxious person and I'm terrified of hurting him, but I've lost interest in being in a relationship with him. I don't know what to do or how I'm supposed to feel. via /r/dating_advice