#and I can’t even get myself to look at a college website

[courtingchaos]

.

[butchpeace]

I know you're trying to help, but colleges have high rape statistics, and women can't even trust other women to not be pickmes and use them to attract males, or even set them up to be raped. Even their own mothers. Some women pimp other women and children out to rapists. All I see on this website is doomerfems saying we will never see female liberation within our lifetime, much less the next five years. So let the fake ftms transition, because it's really not any worse than what we live through. I'd say our existence is equally bad because we're both females, but we're trading possible male privilege for better health in a world where our health isn't taken seriously anyway, where we suffer and die and are ignored when we're in pain anyway. And they're trading slightly worse health for occasional male privilege, which includes better healthcare, despite the transing their health and lives are still probably better and more free than ours. We suffer because of birth control, barely understood menstruation, rapist gynos, rapist doctors, a host of female health conditions, constantly being talked over or ignored, and the rage of rape ape moids. We can't even go places alone without being killed or raped. We're not free. If I were okay with looking like an ugly moid I would transition too. The only reason I suffer is for my good looks as a female and not scare off my girlfriend, otherwise I would trans myself and have major dysphoria about looking like a hideous masculine woman and my girlfriend would understandably leave me. So we just hide in our home and live in fear. If a woman can escape that, let her.

The problem with this take is that female transitioners have significantly worse health outcomes than women who don’t transition. Because our bodies are still female, and doctors don’t know anything about female health, we’re subject to all the same issues, plus the ones we get from being on testosterone, binding, and surgeries.

Masculinized women often face additional obstacles to receiving competent reproductive healthcare due to being medically altered and androgynous. Healthcare discrimination is real. The unknowns of testosterone’s effects on other aspects of our health also lead to less competent care in every other medical field too. The “doctors” in trans clinics (more often RNs) are truly incompetent in every way.

I can’t understate how dangerous it is to willingly put yourself in that precarious situation. It kills people.

TIFs also suffer high rates of sexual assault and abuse, especially if they date men. Even when they’re lucky enough to “pass”, they are still female and are still treated as such by partners. They are still on average smaller and weaker than men. I’ve personally heard stories of TIFs being assaulted by doctors too, including by doctors in the trans industry. “Male privilege” is only granted in some situations and under the requirement that no one finds out she’s a woman.

To top it all off, you suffer from the inescapable psychological trauma that’s inherent to medical transition, and the mental illness inherent to trying to hide your biological sex.

The bottom line is that you don’t escape sex-based oppression by identifying out of your sex. You just take on a whole new set of problems in addition to the ones you already have.

[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain Part 3

Hello! I was going to post this yesterday but I thought I would be busier for WIP Wednesday which only two people participated in (sad author noises). And then I was waffling about putting up a meta about Steve’s parents (I ended up just saving it in my ‘bit of everything’ file). And then I realized it was super late and should put this up before I forget again.

This next part is for @weirdandabsurd42  who mentioned being excited to see Wayne and was thusly added (because I almost forgot to put him there, oops!), thereby creating one of my favorite lines I’ve ever written so...thanks! 

Part 1 Part 2

***

Steve closed up his shop with a spring in his step and a grumpy Robin following behind.

“I can’t believe you are dragging me to a metal concert,” she groused as she locked the door behind her.

“You don’t have to come,” Steve said with a grin. “You can stay home on a Saturday, all by yourself with a pint of ice cream and the latest rom-com.”

Robin glared at him. “You know that I have to come with you so you don’t throw yourself at Eddie.”

Steve rolled his eyes as they walked to his car. “I’m not going to throw myself at him.”

Robin clutched her hands to her chest. “Oh that’s right I forgot! You already have!”

Steve glared at her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No?” she asked, sliding into the car. “So what do you call offering to do his back tattoo?”

Steve already in the car, hit his head on his steering wheel. “Fucccckkkk.” He hit it over and over. “Why did I do that? Why did he agree? What am I going to do?”

Robin rubbed his back. “I think this is good thing for you. If you do well on his wings then you can start doing large pieces again. And if not, then you know it’s not something you can do and you’ll never do another one ever again.”

Steve sighed and wrapped his arms around the steering wheel. “I just wanted him to like me.”

“As person, as friend or as a boyfriend?” Robin asked seriously.

“All of the above?” Steve said raising his head to look at her. “Apparently the first one has been met. I’d take the second one, but I would love the last one more than anything.”

“Well this weekend will be a great opportunity to test the waters and see how he feels. Because even if he wants to be friends now, there’s still a chance he might want something more in the future. Just don’t bank on it.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “Yeah, okay.” He turned the key and pulled out of their parking lot.

“This would be a good time to get a couple of apprentices of your own,” she said after a few miles of silence. “You’re going to be spending a lot of hours on Eddie’s tattoo and you’re going to need someone to pick up the slack.”

Steve let out a shuddering sigh. “I know. I’ll start putting out feelers in the community and see what’s out there.”

Robin nodded. “We’ll put up filers at the local colleges and universities as well as putting it up on our website. I’ll talk to Will and see what he can come up with for both.”

“I know he’ll turn it down but offer him the usual rates for that sort of thing,” Steve agreed.

Robin laughed. “Fingers crossed he’ll accept this time.”

*

Eddie walked into his apartment and flopped face first into his couch. It had been such a whirlwind day. He wasn’t even sure he could function. That really was the downside to having a full time gig. Having all this free time.

Because yeah, Eddie and the rest of Corroded Coffin practiced nearly every day, and they were always coming up with new music, it just wasn’t the same as full time job. He didn’t have to do anything but show up and perform two nights a week. He could phone it in if he wanted.

Not that he would. Just...that he could. Which meant on days when his head was spiraling he could stew for days and never leave this couch.

He rolled over and pulled out his phone and dialed that familiar number.

“Munson residence!” came the gruff familiar voice.

“When are you going to at least get a caller ID, old man!” Eddie crowed.

“Shut it, boy,” Wayne growled. “I have one and it works just fine, the greeting is polite. Something I thought I raised you better in.”

Eddie giggled. “You love me.”

“Lord help me, but I do,” Wayne agreed. “You calling to talk or to listen?”

It was something that they had established long before Eddie left Hawkins to live on his own in the big city. Long before before Eddie took three years to graduate. Long before Al Munson abandoned his son on his baby brother’s door step for one last job. A job that would land him in prison. They had this code. Well, not really a code.

Just this thing between them. When Eddie had a rough day, he would call Wayne. But depending on the swirling of emotions going through his head, sometimes he just need to hear Wayne talk about his day. Gossip about his neighbors. Let the words flow over him until he felt at ease enough to go to sleep.

Other nights, though. The really bad ones. The ones where Eddie needed advice, he would talk. Sometimes Eddie would figure it out on his own, other times he would need Wayne to give him advice. This was one of those nights.

“Talk,” Eddie breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Wha’cha got, Ed?” Wayne asked gently.

And Eddie just let it all spill out. The tattoos, Steve, the band, feeling like they had stagnated.

“That’s a lot on your plate, boy,” Wayne said. “I can see why you wanted to share.”

Eddie let out a shuddering sigh. “I don’t know what to do about...well any of it to be honest.”

Wayne hummed. “When was the last time you went out and did something fun? Something for just yourself? And don’t say get a tattoo because that’s part of the tangled mess right now.”

Eddie blinked. When was the last time he had gone out for drinks, saw a movie, or even listened to music other than his own? “I’m not sure.”

“Well there you go,” Wayne said. “Creativity isn’t endless, boy. It’s a well and you’re going through a drought because you aren’t taking in any influences other then that feedback loop you’re on.”

“Oh.”

“It doesn’t have to be with your friends or even that boy you’ve got your eye on,” Wayne explained. “Just go out and have fun for yourself, ya hear?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, already feeling lighter. “Thanks, Uncle Wayne.”

“Rest well, okay?” Wayne murmured.

“You too.”

*

Jeff shook his head and rolled his eyes as he watched Eddie play with his rings, his knee bouncing up and down.

“Chill!” Gareth growled. “For fuck’s sake. We are professionals, we’ve done this twice a week for years. What’s got your panties in a twist this time?”

Jeff wagged his eyebrows. “This time pretty boy Steve Harrington is going to be in the crowd. With a girl no less.”

“She’s gay,” Eddie bit out. “A literal flaming lesbian. I just have to pass the best friend test with her. And considering she wanted me to get his number, I’m pretty sure I don’t have to work that hard.”

“I noticed you didn’t deny that you’re nervous about Pretty Boy being in the audience tonight,” Brian teased.

Eddie threw up his hands in the air and leapt to his feet. “All right, yeah. I’m nervous. Even when I did have boyfriends that would show up, I knew they liked the music. But I have no idea if Steve is just being nice or if he’s actually interested in hearing us play.”

Jeff cocked his head. “Yeah, I can see how you might be worried he won’t like it. But if he doesn’t, isn’t better you know that now, before your feelings get in too deep?”

Eddie’s lip quivered. “Yes. I mean, of course. But it still makes me feel like crawling out of my skin, okay?”

“Okay,” Gareth said. “So do what you do best and throw yourself into the music. Let it wash over you. You are a consummate performer. So kick ass.”

Eddie nodded and the nod slowly turned into a head bang with him playing air guitar. By the time the knock came to let them know it was time, Eddie was ready to go out there and rock.

*

Steve hadn’t been to The Nightmare Holes before. It hadn’t even been on his radar at all. That was so weird, especially since it was almost literally doors down from Robin and his favorite club.

Well that was until they were dropped off in front of a large concrete building that didn’t look like a bar from the outside at any stretch of the imagination. In fact the only thing that stuck out at all was a neon sign with a large arrow pointing to a set of stairs leading down proclaiming this to be The Nightmare Holes.

When they got into the bar, Steve realized that they were going to stick out like a sore thumb. With Steve looking prep and Robin looking punk, they were going to be murdered before Eddie even got on stage.

They were saved by a goddess if you believed Robin later. This pretty woman in a tank top and tight leather pants with four inch heeled boots came up to them.

“Hey!” she greeted warmly. “You must be Stevie, right?”

Steve nodded. “I’m afraid you’re one up on me. You know me, but I don’t know you.”

She smiled much to Robin’s chagrin. “I’m Miranda, girlfriend of the rhythm guitarist, Jeff Lawrence. He was worried that Eddie might have forgotten to tell you that wearing your usual clothes might make you stand out.” She waved her hands at them. Both Robin and Steve blushed. “You aren’t too bad actually. I was think you would be much worse the way Jeff was going on.”

“He only saw us at work,” Robin explained once she picked her jaw up off the ground. “He might have assumed that we wear that on the regular.”

Miranda nodded. “You can do this one of two ways. Stay dressed as you are as big middle finger to conformity no matter who’s conforming to what or you come with me and I can tweak your looks enough that you don’t stand out as much.”

Steve looked down at his clothes and tilted his head. “I think I’m going to give conformity the middle finger, thanks. I’ve been bucking what people think a tattoo artist should look like for years. I’m not going to change that for one little concert.”

Miranda nodded appreciatively. “Good on you. How about you, princess? You gonna give conformity the middle finger, too?”

Robin looked down at her clothes and blushed. “I think most metalheads would say a punk is being a step too far.”

Miranda laughed. “You’re probably right. Let’s go see if I can metal you up a bit.”

The two ladies came back a few minutes later. Robin still had her chunky jewelry and smudged makeup. But her billowy plaid pants were replaced by tight black jeans and instead of her vest, she wore a black jacket. Her hair had been tamed to a more relaxed style.

Steve grinned at her. “Looking good, Robs!”

Robin blushed. “I made a new friend.”

Miranda laughed. “Thanks for that.” She looked around and then leaned forward conspiratorially. “Just a little secret between us new besties.”

Steve and Robin shared a glance, but both nodded.

“I don’t like metal music, either,” she whispered and winked. She turned around so she faced the stage. “But I’m here because my Jeffie does. So if you don’t like the music, because hey, you might not, don’t sweat it. They put on a good show and we’re here for them.” She jutted her chin up at the stage just as the house lights went down and the stage lights went up.

Standing the spotlight was Eddie. He wore a slashed up band shirt, tight jeans, and his leather jacket. A jacket Steve was about to learn wasn’t going to feature long. About twenty minutes into the show, the jacket was gone and Steve could see a peek of the new tattoo through the slits in the shirt.

He licked his lips slowly. Ooh...that was tantalizing. And then Eddie threw caution and his shirt to the wind and everyone saw Eddie’s new tattoo.

Robin turned to Steve wide-eyed. “Holy shit, it blends seamlessly into the rest of the tattoos, like it was there first.”

Miranda peered around Robin to look at Steve, too. “Yeah, man. You did a hell of a job. You should be proud of that.”

Steve was. No doubt. But he was prouder of the fact that Eddie wanted everyone to see it. It melted his heart and settled at the base of his spine, like he had drank a cup of hot chocolate all at once.

And that was when Steve realized he would do anything for Eddie. Even if that meant just being friends.

***

My new favorite line? * “Lord help me, but I do,” Wayne agreed. “You calling to talk or to listen?” * It’s just so...Wayne, you know?

Part 4  Part 5 Part 6  Part 7  Part 8  Part 9  Part 10  Part 11 Part 12  Part 13 Part 14  Part 15  Part 16 Part 17  Part 18 Part 19  Part 20  Part 21 Part 22  Part 23  Part 24  Part 25 Part 26  Part 27  Part 28  Epilogue

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk @renaissan-vvitch @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @plyerice27 @thedragonsaunt @chaoticlovingdreamer @sapphirecobalt-1 @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666  @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @aizawa-emma  @yikes-a-bee @redfreckledwolf @thesuninyaface @bookbinderbitch @littlewildflowerkitten @scheodingers-muppet @archermightbegay @hallucinatedjosten 

[b0tster]

ever since coming out, i’ve had a very difficult time inserting myself into the lgbt community, specifically the trans community. i don’t know why; i’ve just never felt like i belong in any specific place, like i’m not good enough or look “proper” enough to take part. i’m not sure if that’s rooted in how isolated i was a kid and teenager just trying to to sort through this stuff. but i can’t be that way any more, and i guess in seeking to view myself as more “valid” i’ve gone through a lot of personal changes. and despite my internalized feelings towards myself from my childhood and parents and society at the time, i’ve come to love and accept myself for the project that i am.

i guess i just wanted to get that out since we’re all doing this.

to the anon, i just want to say: i was in a similar situation for years and years. i first started questioning myself when i was a child. it got worse as i got older. eventually i learned to just shove it down and ignore it. as i got older though, and grew more autonomous, and grew as a person, i realized that those feelings never went away. and from 19-25, i just kept crushing them down, but every time took more and more out of me.

i came out to my sister in tears at like 12:30am in the office of my workplace. her response? “yeah no that checks out for you.”

i’ve never been more relieved or angry, or laughed so hard, at a response, but that was the push over the edge i needed. and i don’t want you to think any of us are directly telling you that you are trans, you should transition, blah blah blah.

i have a lot of regrets about how i handled my transition. i wish i had access to more information in the 90s and 00s. i wish i had people like those that are all over this website, encouraging me to look inside myself to see what was going on. i wish i had had all of you incredible people to talk to. i spent the better part of 26 years denying who i was because i was afraid of what it might mean, and because i didn’t have any base of knowledge to understand any of my feelings. i felt alone and isolated, in that tiny ass rural town in virginia. it wasn’t until i got to college that i really saw people like me, and even then i was too intimidated, too afraid to approach or talk to them.

anon, my only real advice to you would just be to talk. find people to talk to. talk to yourself if you have to. if you think they’re steps you want to take? give them a shot. you can always stop if it doesn’t jive with you.

i started transitioning at 28. i lost my hrt a year and a half later. i just got it back a month ago, and now at 31, i’m back at square one.

my biggest regret will always be, that i didn’t give myself the chance to be myself sooner. don’t rob yourself of that chance, anon, by hiding your light under a bushel. we’ll all be around. talk to us. talk to everyone you can, and you’ll learn a little more about yourself each time. i just wish someone had told me that sooner.

love all of you guys. 💜. thank you for giving me a place to put this, botster, and thank you anon and botster for giving me an excuse to share my story.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I don't even know how to properly respond to this 🥺

I know its not fully directed at me though. But this shows how important it is to be out and proud for those who are willing.

Having a platform where people feel safe enough to ask these questions is so important.

[madsworld15]

Letter to Gavin Creel

Dear Gavin,

I was in the middle of a major website project at work on Monday when I heard that you had passed away. For the first time in my life, I actually sobbed hysterically at the death of someone famous. When I say sobbed hysterically, I mean unable to focus on anything because my eyes were too wet and my chest was too tight. I hadn’t cried like this since the day my grandmother died four years ago.

You see, I don't usually get this visibly upset when people in the public sphere pass away. Sure, I was sad when people like Sondheim, Betty White, and Robin Williams died. But I've never been so upset that I couldn't function. That is just your impact on the world, for me and so many others.

The last time I saw you in person was in 2017 at the stage door of She Loves Me. Despite it having been years since then, I believe that if we’d met at a stage door or other event today, you’d still recognize me. Because that is the type of person you are. I guess were, now that you’ve passed, but I can’t find it in myself to talk of you in the past tense. It just doesn’t seem real that someone so full of life and immortal is no longer here with us, dancing through this thing called life.

You don’t know this, but I got to see you perform in my favorite musical, Into the Woods, when the tour came to Philadelphia in April of last year. It was a last-minute decision that fell on a weeknight, so I couldn’t stay late afterward to stage door. Of course, I thought to myself that I’d have plenty more opportunities to see you work your craft. Now that you’ve passed, I wish I had said “fuck it” to having to be at work the next day and stayed to chat with you.

Like so many of those who looked up to and admired you, I first discovered you when I was in HS watching Eloise at the Plaza. As a child, I had adored the Eloise books, so naturally, I was excited to see a film made about the precocious girl. Back then I had no idea who you were, just that your name was attached to the character of Bill. I adored Bill and his silly, over-the-top theatrics and became obsessed with watching the movie just for him – though Eloise was great, too.

Then, as a freshman in college, I started talking to this person from New York City through a mutual fan group on Facebook. She encouraged my very limited knowledge of musical theatre and introduced me to so many new things. One of them was a bootleg recording of Hair from 2009. The energy you exuded on stage was palpable, even from the grainy 2000s video.

At that point in my life, I was sure I would never get out of Kansas. I knew I was different and didn't fit in with the other people in my small-town Kansas community. By the time I left and moved to NY in 2013, I still wasn't sure what my identity was, but I was certain I belonged to the queer community. Upon arriving in New York, I quickly found myself immersed in the musical theatre community there.

One of the first shows I saw was The Book of Mormon. I would visit the theatre at least once a week, sometimes even twice. I didn't really have the finances to do that, but my mental health demanded comfort, and that show was where I found it. So, once or twice a week, I would play the lottery or do standing room.

By the time you moved from The Book of Mormon on the West End to Broadway, I was ready for you but also hesitant to love you because your predecessor, Nic Rouleau, had had such a profound impact on my mental health and self-worth. From the moment I met you, though, I knew I could never have any feelings other than love for you.

Sure, I already knew I loved you as a performer from the years of watching bootlegs of your performances, listening to your EPs, and loving you in Eloise. However, my connection and attachment to The Book of Mormon was so great that each time the leads switched, I had a hard time adjusting.

It was different with you, though. You immediately took me under your wing and made me know I was important to you. That first night, you forced me to hand over my phone for our photo, and you scrolled through filters until you found the one you wanted. Then you insisted we do silly faces, that serious faces weren't needed. It was as if you knew I needed comfort more than a professional stage door selfie.

Over the course of the year you were part of the Broadway company, we interacted many times. Every time you saw me, your face would light up, you'd insist on a silly photo, and then you'd ask me if I was doing okay and how work was going. You genuinely wanted to know. It was something that got me through those extremely dark days of working a job I hated but not knowing any other path I could go on.

I didn't ever tell you this, but those moments kept my suicidal thoughts during that time at bay. Knowing I could swing by the stage door at any time, whether I'd seen the show or not, and talk to you was what got me through. We never talked about anything profound or world-changing, but you asking me about my day and encouraging me to find my passion changed my whole life.

After you left Mormon, I didn't see you again until the final days of She Loves Me. I fully expected you to not remember who I was, but you did. Once again, your smile grew at the sight of me, and you made a joke while wiggling your face to emphasize the mustache on your face. I wish I'd taken more time to tell you about my life that day. To connect more with you, but I didn't.

I had no way of knowing that would be the last time I would see you perform for many years. Not long after that, my finances took a major hit, and I moved to NJ, making trips to Broadway a bit harder to accomplish. So, I wasn't able to see you in Waitress or Hello, Dolly. But, man, did I want to. I did have the chance to watch clips of you in these shows and bask in the glory of your singing voice and stage presence, even if it was from afar.

I started to understand myself more clearly and made friends who helped me find an identity that made sense to me. Then, 2020 hit, and I suffered quite a few losses in my family. I struggled to keep my head above water, but my queer friends reminded me that there were things worth living for. Through these friendships, I started to find my way out of the mess I was in and found joy in musical theatre again. I started to listening to your personal music and the cast albums of your shows. It wasn't the only music I listened to, but it helped me get through the most.

Then, Into the Woods happened. By this time, I had started to be a co-leader in a local Tri-State Queer group. We would all get together and talk about TV, Broadway, Music, and Movies. It was so rejuvenating. A group of us got tickets to see Into the Woods on Broadway, but I couldn't be part of that due to finances. However, my best friend works for Ticket Philadelphia, so he promised that I could go with him when it came to Philadelphia on tour.

And that brings us to the close of this letter. I got to see you exude that joy all over the stage one last time in Into the Woods on Tour. It was one of the best nights of my life. Your performance of Agony will live on in my memories forever. As will your performance of I Believe in The Book of Mormon.

I never got around to telling you this in person, so I will say it now: Thank you so much for all the moments in my life that your presence or your voice got me through. Your passion for life and love was always awe-inspiring, and it's what I will carry with me through the years. We all deserved to see you do so much more in the world of Broadway, musical theatre, and beyond. Life truly is unfair, but I'm grateful for what I was able to experience with you.

Rest easy, dance often, and spread your sunshine from the beyond.

Mads

[jewishmcr]

got over myself and decided to look into the MLIS program at queens college again with renewed willingness to consider it even though I truly have my heart set on an expensive private school in Massachusetts and their website has been down for like 5 straight days so I can’t even get any information 😐

[hpdfag]

IM SO HAPPY YOURE DOING BETTER!!! I’ve always been rotting for you from far away, and I’m so glad to see it happen…I hope our interactions contributed to that nice state of yours :} good luck with all of that! I also can’t grasp how you’re going to college ngl…I won’t go to uni for another four years even if I’m your age because of the school system here and stuff so it’s just so interesting to me!

(Here in Italy you go to uni at 19/20, strangely)

I checked out your website and it looks sweet,,,I’m not very info informatics and computer-y stuff anymore but i was super obsessed with that stuff in the past! I hope you’re able to finish it <3 to me it’s like making a carrd so I can’t fathom how difficult it would be, but it feels very old internet-y and silly for now! Good luck, really.

I’m also really happy you’re with your family more! It’s so nice to feel connected to them…there’s a self fulfilling feeling that comes to me whenever I manage to be with my family, myself.

This update is so good to hear and it really brings a smile to my face, thank you for always taking the time to answer me and create this little connection :}

- 🧶

ooo thats rlly interesting !!! im probably gonna skip a year before going to college anyways, since i need time to get a job so im not in Too much debt .. so ill probably be 19 when going into college myself !! i just need 2 power thru this year ... then i'll be off !! the goal rn is to major in computer science and minor in japanese :] since i wanna make games for a living and well. japanese is such an interesting language and while it wldnt be as useful career wise as like spanish or smthn i dont want 2 only make life decisions based on career viability ... i wanna have fun !!

and they really have, it's always nice talking w/ u guys !! it means a lot that uve been rooting fr me, truly :]

hehe thank u thank u ... i hope so too !!! im working on moving away from the template i started with, it's a lot of work figuring it all out but im having a blast, coding is a pain in the ass but once u get the hang of it its so cool seeing what uve been working on coming together all nicely :D html is generally an easier language to learn than something like javascript or python, since it's much more immediately readable. it has a lot less potential than those two, but it doesnt necessarily need to be the most complex thing in the world! u can still get a lot out of it, and most things tht i dont understand immediately i can usually infer what theyre Supposed 2 do and tht makes it a lot easier. much less math too LMAOAOAOA

and of course, even if i don't reply right away i always want to reply to you, it's lovely being able to have a connection like this :] i hope you're doing well !!

[stellahikaru]

State of The Starry Path Hotel #1 (February 9th, 2024)

Hello everyone! Stella Hikaru here! Welcome to my first Tumblr blog post! In order to hold myself accountable and document my content creation journey, I decided to make a weekly long form post on Tumblr about my path on becoming a Vtuber. Why Tumblr? Well it’s because a) I can’t afford a custom website at the moment, plus I would have to use another site to direct traffic to it anyway, b) Twitter, the main hub for Vtubers, has a character limit and I don’t want to make like 50 tweets in a row once per week, my ADHD ass can’t handle that, and c) I just want to do it on Tumblr okay? Weekly posts will be every Friday and I might do roundups at the end of the month and year (I haven’t fully decided yet). My main goal is to look back on these posts someday and see how far I’ve come in bringing up The Starry Path Hotel.

Anyway, here’s what the general format is going to be:

Mini Life Update

This is where I’m going to touch on a little bit of what’s going on in my life when I’m not running the hotel and how it impacts my content creation process. 

Content Creation Progress Update

This is where I’ll post any updates about what I am up to content wise and what goals I accomplished. This could be anything from Youtube videos to updates on commissions I requested to the creation of new accounts. 

This Week’s Goals

The goals that I’ll have for the week. These will be smaller, more achievable goals that will either build up to the monthly goals or be standalone 

This Month’s Goals 

The goals that I’ll have for the month. The weekly goals will mainly build up to these. 

This Year’s Goals 

These are the goals that I have for the year. These will be longer term goals that most of the weekly and monthly goals will build up to.

Final Thoughts

Basically going to be a final roundup on this week’s post and how I’m feeling about what I want to do this week. 

I may add or change stuff depending on what works and what doesn’t but this is what I’m going to stick with for now. With that bit of housekeeping on the way, here’s the first week’s blog post!

Mini Life Update

I’m currently in my final semester of college and I am taking SIX classes this semester including a very time consuming capstone class plus I have to stay on top of my extracurriculars. One might say that trying to become a Vtuber was a bad idea but I’m too stubborn to give up now! We’re starting to get into the busy point of the semester and schoolwork is taking up a LOT of my time. I don’t even have time to play FFXIV anymore. ;-; Hopefully I can get the Valentine’s Day event emote though! Anyway with school taking priority, I don’t have a lot of time for Vtuber activities. So far I’m only able to stream once a week but since Twitch’s discoverability is crap and my VODs are only saved for seven days, your girl isn’t growing as much as she would like. But hopefully that changes soon!

Content Creation Progress Update

Since this is my first post, I’m going to include some stuff that I have been up to for the past few weeks. First, I have been streaming every Saturday at 2 PM EST on Twitch. You can find the link for my Twitch on the Social Media Page of my Tumblr blog. So far I have been doing coworking/chatting for part of the stream and then playing games after a couple of hours. I’ve been playing Cult of the Lamb on stream and having a lot of fun! 

The next major update is that I commissioned a chibi Vtuber model! While my current model looks fine, I want to upgrade from a Vroid model. However, as a college student with basically no income, there’s no way I can spend a few thousand dollars on an updated character design and full Live2D model. So I managed to find an artist doing chibi Live2D models and commissioned them using the I don’t know when I will have it but I hopefully should be ready to reveal it in mid-March.

Now onto the goals!

This Week’s Goals

Make a VOD channel for my Twitch VODs and upload my VODs to that channel: I was on the fence of if I wanted to simply upload my Twitch VODs on my main channel or create a separate channel just for Twitch VODs and upload them there. After weighing the pros and cons of each option, I decided to make a separate channel. This week, I will make a different channel and upload all of my past VODs on there as well as any Twitch VODs going forward.

Make a Carrd for Twitter and Bluesky: While I can easily link all of my social media on Twitch, YouTube, and Tumblr, I can’t do the same for Twitter and Bluesky due to the character limit. I want to make a Carrd for myself to use for those two sites and put the links in my bio this week.

Brainstorm for YouTube videos and choose an idea for the 1st one: I’m hoping to make one YouTube video this month and this week I need to choose an idea so I can start scripting. I’m also going to brainstorm ideas that I can use for future YouTube videos this week.

 This Month’s Goals 

Make 1 YouTube video: I want to make YouTube content that isn’t just Twitch highlights (nothing wrong with that kind of content, I just want to make something different) so this is one of the main goals I have for myself this month! I don’t know what it will be about but I’ll post more about it in future blog posts.

Look into ways to take donations: While I am waiting to get monetized on YouTube and Twitch, I would like to have a way for people to financially support me if they choose to do so. This month, I will be comparing different sites for one time donations (i.e. PayPal, Ko-Fi) and choosing which one would suit my needs.

Continue streaming once per week and try to do guerilla streams: As I stated, I currently stream once per week on Saturdays and I want to maintain this consistency. However, I want to see if I can do some guerilla streams during the week since I will need to stream on 7 different days in a 30 day period to get Affiliate on Twitch and with my current schedule, I fall short of the requirements. 

This Year’s Goals 

Get monetized on YouTube: I want to eventually make money off of my content so I’m hoping to get monetized on YouTube this year. This is going to be a tall order, but I hope I can keep working towards this with my weekly and monthly goals!

Become an Affiliate on Twitch: I think this goal is a bit more achievable compared to getting monetized on YouTube but I still need to meet the requirements. I will also be working towards this with my weekly and monthly goals! 

Gain 100 followers on any social media besides YouTube or Twitch: I actually am over halfway to 100 followers on Twitter as of writing this, but I still don’t get a ton of engagement on my post. In addition, most of the followers I have gotten are those annoying GFX bots and it’s a little bit disheartening. I also want to build up a following on Tumblr and Bluesky as well! 

Make a community Discord server: Once I build up a community, I want to create a Discord server for people to hang out in. However, I want to wait until there is a demand for a Discord server. This goal is lower priority compared to the other goals but I hope that this does end up happening this year!

Final Thoughts

If you read through the entirety of this post, THANK YOU! Future posts will hopefully be more concise (I spent WAY too long writing this) but I am making no promises. I hope that I finish all of the goals that I set out this week! Now I gotta finish the assignment that’s due tonight that I definitely did not put off doing to write this post, haha.

If you like what you see, make sure to reblog this post and follow me! I would also appreciate it if you follow me on my other social media, especially on Twitch and YouTube! I will be streaming on Twitch tomorrow at 2 PM EST! I hope your stay was bright and your journey is filled with light!

[ninetiescoppola]

BUT... I'M JUST A GIRL!

Last week I was switching TV channels and saw a doll commercial. I couldn’t help but wonder when was the last time that we decided if we were a Barbie, Monster High or Polly Pocket kind of person? I remember that thirteen years ago I was having a very serious discussion with my friend group about our roles in society. When I say “roles” I mean which Powerpuff Girls character we would be. 

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel that I’m slowly changing. Everyone I see and know seems to turn eighteen and immediately buy a penthouse and get a BMW. I might have changed physically, but my head still works like it did when I was fourteen (or sort of): still into gossip, boy bands (r.i.p), pop music, fake scenarios and obsessed with old movie franchises and celebrity crushes (please, remind me to send a thanks card to Mads Mikkelsen parents for his existence). In summary I’m a teenager with a huge Visa bill and back pain!

When I was ten, I watched a movie that completely changed my mind, something that brightened my head like an angel’s voice whispering in the ear of the most desperate soul, an absolute cinema kind of movie: Devil Wears Prada. Since I saw Anne Hathaway walking in the streets of New York with Vogue playing in the background, I knew what I wanted to do for life. It was like a message from the universe. For years I kept dreaming about graduating from a good college, working as a columnist on a big magazine and walking around wearing Prada shoes. But then, the Titanic hit the iceberg: my parents and I moved to a very small city, at least two hours away from everything. No college, no magazine, no Prada, no nada.

The funniest thing about reality checks is that even if it's been years, you’ll still be in shock, like me. I've been living in this shitty city for almost eight years and I still can’t believe that my parents did this to me. No warning or anything. I can’t blame them, after all they’re in their fifties, they deserve a calm life, but c’mon… I’m in my best era! So many hopes, dreams and youth… That’s what I thought.

While I was in high school, I still had this last light of hope in my heart that I would take the first bus to my home city when I graduated and live my life as I planned. Never happened. After moving to this living hell, my life was never the same. I just f-ing hate this place so much. I’m still trying to find out if it’s because of the place itself or if the people here really bothers me. I felt that I became a person with no joy, and that made me uninterested in everything else and very depressed. No more thoughts about my goals or anything. I just put all my emotions on ice and got a very sad/stressful job.

A few months ago I was very curious about a website with old girl games, so I took a look and there it was: makeovers, hairdressing, dressing, makeup, kiss and hide, house and wedding decorating and all a girl could imagine to fill her inner child spirit. I felt my whole body shrink and my eyes get the same size as my fist. It was love at first sight. I started to play every single one of them and it wasn’t the same feeling, something has changed. I asked myself if the sparkle was lost and became just a sad nostalgia or if I was such a terrible person with no love inside. And then I realized that it was official: I’m a grownup. But not just a simple grownup, a responsible, tired, sleepy, horny, with severe body dysmorphia, mood swings and a very questionable taste in men, kind of grownup. And I’m just twenty two. 

Don’t get me wrong, being an adult is lovely, especially the part of the payday. But if I could turn back time, I would. Ten years ago I was deciding which One Direction member I would like to marry. Now I have to get a job, pay taxes, bills and insurance. Actually, the only good part of it, it’s the money (if there’s any left).

[prinzrupprecht]

funny thing is, Manjiro is born in 1990 and I’m born in 2005(guess you could say he ‘groomed’ me going by some of these peoples logic 🤣) turned 18 recently and I’ve had loved him and many characters in the series, since starting it in 2021, yet somehow I’m a nonce for thinking they’re hot 😂 make it make sense. If you look at some official arts you’ll see the fan-service on them. Heck Yuzuha had her panties out in that one panel. The word pedophile doesn’t mean shit on this website or on Twitter because it’s been watered down by idiots. Cyber tip it, get the police involved or go to the station if you came across that type of material so that minor can be saved but they won’t cause even they know deep down it’s all bullshit and just want the attention and praise, going after someone who causes real harm is too much effort so the best they got is to go after people liking anime characters. So dumb, sorry for the long ask op, just annoyed 😒.

People listen, Megumi will not thank you, Bakugou will not thank you, Yuuta will not thank you, Manjiro will not thank you, Yuji will not thank you, Nagi will not thank you…why? Because they’re not real, you could draw them dead for all I care and they’d still be just fine, why? Cause they ain’t real! They can come back from whatever shit someone draws and/or writes about them, shit I might not like myself, human being such as myself can’t.

But you still want to save the fictional anime characters? Then use this link below ⬇️

To report an incident involving the possession, distribution, receipt, or production of child exploitation file a report on the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC)'s website at http://cybertipline.com, or call 1-800-843-5678.

again, my apologies for popping of on your blog again, but I just find this whole thing absurd and a waste of time. Also, why now? Why does everyone care about the anime character being sexualised now? I remember being told shit when I was back in high school and college, still am by the way, that ‘he’s not real’ ‘the anime boy won’t date you’ ‘that’s cringe go speak to real boy’s’ compared to nowadays🤔 I just don’t get it, now they’re real? And not to mention, Yuji and Megumi are born in 2002 and Yuta in 2001, they’re 3-4 years older than me and yet I’m a weirdo for them hot?! I’ll just say these boys ‘groomed’ me going by this silly logic and the police can arrest their fictional asses, it’s just so dumb 😂🤣

This is the most truest thing I’ve read all day. Beautiful, I’m in tears. I guess people will still find ways to connect reality with fiction constantly. When all it is, is just fantasies. I find 90% of the men in JJK hot asf, from Yuji all the way to Higuruma. I can’t help myself with the way Gege draws his male characters super hot. Had to limit replies, seems like all I’m getting is L takes on my argument. There’s a lot of smut with these characters, I couldn’t care less since they’re fictional. 😭💀

[greetings-inferiors]

how did you pick your uni?

I searched up ‘mathematics university rankings’ and chose the top 5

I’m just kidding you can’t apply for Cambridge and Oxford.

In reality I did give lots of unis a go, the first and third in the country just happened to be one’s I really liked. Cambridge is, obviously, Cambridge, it’s jaw droppingly gorgeous, the maths department is the thing of dreams, the college system is literally my ideal living situation, etc. sadly I didn’t get an offer (I did get pooled however, which is literally the closest you can get to an offer without getting an offer. I was good enough to get a Cambridge offer, there were just more people who were better.).

My next choice is Warwick, which is only third in the country for maths 😭😭😭 also incredible! Its campus is the perfect size, has a really cool arts centre, its own cinema, its maths department is also really cool (such… high ceilings 🥵), and the dorms aren’t that bad, some would even call them good! It also lets you have a lot of freedom, for example as long as you take the compulsory modules you can take ANY MODULE IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSITY as additional modules. It means I can formally learn Japanese whilst studying for a maths degree. It also lets you choose to have a year abroad after you got your offer, which is surprisingly quite a rare find. Almost all unis have maths and maths with year abroad as separate degrees, but you can add a year abroad WHILE AT THE UNI, which is really cool since I’m considering taking a year abroad to Tokyo to study maths (I’d have to research it more as someone said that they don’t do Tokyo even though it says on the website but the website was pretty vague so - once (if? No. Once. (Confidence is key!)) I’m a student there I’m sure it’ll be a lot clearer.

My insurance is mathematics (oh yeah I should probably mention that all my applications were for mathematics) at Nottingham, it’s a really cool uni that isn’t as prestigious, still really good, and is a lot more hip and stuff. I like it for many of the same reasons, just less, which is why it’s my insurance!

Basically, I really like challenging myself, so I picked the hardest universities in the country. I also applied for Durham, which is (I believe) the fourth, and I got an offer but honestly I didn’t really look at it much, I much preferred Warwick.

[gaybd1]

Casually admitting to Islamophobia in my dash? Classy.

oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god please be joking

i am gonna respond to this either way bc who fucking knows on this website

i know you’re referring to this post and i am once again asking you to use basic reading comprehension skills

Or if you can’t do that, then imagine

You are six years old and have lived your whole life in a white suburban ultra-Christian ultra-conservative area

You can’t think for yourself because you’re SIX YEARS OLD and also fucking autistic as hell like not even able to function independently so you just. Absorb the opinions of everyone around you, especially people you respect like family members

9/11 happens. You watch the footage of people dying again and again and again for days and nobody ever talks to you about it???

You’re constantly surrounded by people who blame an entire group of people who had nothing to do with it and justify war for no real reason but YOURE SIX YEARS OLD so it must be true

Also everything is so fucking sensationalized in the media and imperialism and Islamophobia is EVERYWHERE including school where you have to watch Baghdad being bombed live when you are 8 because “we are heroes” ????

This just becomes truth and reality at that point

You’re still scared as fuck every time you see anyone visibly Muslim because you’ve been taught that they all kill people

Anyway when you’re 11 you start to get your own thoughts like “I think maybe this war is actually fucked up but I don’t have the knowledge or the resources to articulate why I think that?”

It turns out a kid you’ve known actually most of your life is Muslim. And he doesn’t even “look” like it? And… he’s not dangerous?? So at 11 years old when yOURE FINALLY DEVELOPMENTALLY ABLE TO FORM YOUR OWN OPINIONS you start slowly unlearning all that shit you were taught

So I mean, yeah were those thoughts privileged and fucked up? YEAH. No excuses there. And for what it’s worth I’m sorry that I used to think that way. But I think someone who sends a message like this really fails to grasp

How fucked up and imperialistic and hypernationalistic shit was for a while there (I mean did it ever end? Lol debatable but it’s at least a different kind now)

That kids DEVELOPMENTALLY don’t have the BRAIN CAPACITY to form their own opinions about stuff like that?? Like what was I gonna do, read into it in an era when it wasn’t even normal to have a computer with internet??? Fucking dumbass

The reality of how echo chambers and brainwashing still are today. Like. Having information IS a privilege and if you live in a world where EVERYTHING screams one thing at you, it’s really hard to break out of that shit

Like Jesus Christ, cancel me if you want, I’ve been unlearning shit my whole life. I got over my homophobia in a similar way to this in middle school, transphobia in high school, fucking white supremacy in college. I JUST in the last couple months started reprogramming myself from evangelical Christianity lmao like.

People are always learning and evolving and that’s why I fucking HATE this cancel culture or dragging shit up from when someone was an actual child… like hey we are all shitty people who think and do shitty things. What’s important is that we try to get better and grow and are able to move on while apologizing to the people we’ve hurt, and show a REAL desire to change for the better

[blueberryshelves]

Today I finished this wonderful book, and decided to have some fun on a trail of my own!

_______________________________________________

Book Review

Title: The Trail to You & Me Author: Mandi Lynn Bell

Book Series: Road Trip Snapshot, book #3 (stand-alone)

No. of Pages: 319

ISBN: 9781953388070

Synopsis:

What was supposed to be a summer fling fails epically when opposites attract and sparks fly.

Lori has her life planned out for the next five years. She’s intent on graduating college early, becoming a yoga instructor, and starting her own business. Her plans have already been de-railed for two years after helping a friend in crisis and now it’s time to buckle down and focus. However, a regular shift at work, ends with flirtatious banter and a promise to a memorable evening.

Even with the unexpected date, Lori is determined to keep him at a distance. While he’s free-spirited and ready to embrace the unexpected, Lori can’t afford to be sidetracked from her dreams again. Besides, this summer romance is doomed to fail since he’s on his own mission to hike the Appalachian Trail. No matter how hard she tries to get him off her mind, she can’t help but be both envious and curious of his simple approach to life. Struggling to let go of her hard-set ways, Lori finds herself agreeing to something she’d never thought she’d do: ditch work to go backpacking.

After summer ends, will their romance survive, or will their differences pull their lives in two different directions?

The Trail to You & Me is a standalone novel in the Road Trip Snapshot Series. If you like books with witty banter, adventure, and coming of age elements, Lori’s story is sure to claim your heart.

_______________________________________________

What did I think of the book?

The Trail to You & Me by Mandi Lynn Bell My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 5 of 5 stars I have never been more excited to start reading a book. This is such a sweet, feel-good story that has made me smile at almost every page. This is one of those books that have come into my life when I needed it most, and left me feeling absolutely euphoric, grinning from ear-to-ear, and wanting to immediately re-read it again. The story has many great life lessons, too, such as “it’s about the journey, not the destination”, and living your life. The characters were relatable, had good development, and the pacing of the story from chapter to chapter felt natural and real. It really feels like Mandi knew what she was doing when putting this book together. On release day, I didn’t hesitate to get this book with The Book Adventure Box from the author’s website. The gifts in the box took the reading experience to another level. It felt like I was part of the book, and going on the same adventures as the characters. Immersion is an important factor for me with reading, and The Book Adventure Box nailed that perfectly.

The hiking scenes were quite nostalgic, reminding me of when I used to go hiking and traveling with my family for a couple weeks over the school holidays every other year. The further I read, the more intensely I felt inspired to go hiking again myself. Favorite character/s: Caleb “Chip” - for the way he balances Lori out, and the life lessons he gives in the book. What drew me to this book? I was looking to read a romance and the Appalachian Trail was mentioned in the blurb of the book, so I was sold on the combination. Stars: 5/5 - it’s a wonderful Summer read, and I can’t wait to read the first two books in the Road Trip Snapshot series when they arrive in the mail.

*The Book Adventure Box View all my reviews

[isolatedwriter]

I know I haven’t posted in a hot minute, but I wanted to update regarding the fanfics which I currently have on AO3.

I am not deleting anything, but it may look like I have because I changed all of my works to be able to be viewed by registered users only. I really didn’t want to do this at first because I love the idea of a public archive, but with the rise of AI and my strict opposition to it (because its basically just stealing stuff from writers and artists) I decided to make the switch so it is harder for my works to be used by any AI scouring the internet. I never want any of my works entered into or used by any AI, and this was one of the ways I could prevent that from happening. I think it goes without saying after all of that, but please do not put any of my works into any AI.

That being said, it is fairly easy to set up an account (I wasn’t invited by anyone when I set up mine, and it only took 24 hours for me to get invited by the website) if you haven’t already!

Also I’m sorry I haven’t been writing or posting anything lately, college got crazy so I didn’t have a lot of time and ideas weren’t coming to me as much as they were before. Even though I am now graduated (wild, I know) I can’t promise I will update any more frequently. But that doesn’t mean I want to remove the works I have there now. As a frequent re-reader of fics myself I never plan on removing them, even if the access is more limited now.

As for some general thank yous because I’m already here so why not, I want to thank anyone who has ever interacted with my fics, especially people who commented or messaged me. There were times when those really helped motivate me to keep writing and I will forever be grateful to you!

Well, I guess that’s all folks. Until next time!

[callerblog]

sat dec 14 2024, 7:01 PM

yesterday I went to campus to do my math final, which means that I’m finally done and I won’t be back for the next 8 months. I noticed that something was wrong on the first day of college when I couldn’t make it through a few simple assignments without crying. it took me a while to stop telling myself to get over it, but eventually I came to the conclusion that I’ve been in autistic burnout for almost a year now. I can’t do chores, I can’t read, I can barely get my thoughts into words, but I’d kind of just convinced myself that I was always like this. i’ve always been tired, my room has always been a mess. but I looked back through my writing, and something changed drastically around last spring. I’d written almost 100,000 words of a novel, and some of it was genuinely beautiful, and it was all coherent in a way that I can’t even try for anymore, and then I just stopped. I don’t remember why. i’d just recorded an album, I was having so much fun making up characters and drawing comics, I regularly played shows with my band, I wrote myself album analyses and essays for fun, and suddenly I just lost all motivation for any of it. I stopped being able to think through complicated things without it hurting my head. I almost failed art class. I didn’t care enough to celebrate when I graduated. I went to panera for my 18th birthday and they got my order wrong, so I ate a salad that I didn’t want and went to bed. around the time that school ended I forced myself to write and record a few songs that ended up being realdogdemos, which I’m glad that I did, but that was the last of the energy that I had. I don’t know if they could have turned into something that I’m more proud of if I just waited and tried to spend time resting. it’s more likely that I would’ve forgotten how to play the songs without ever recording them.

so many things that I used to love doing have become chores that I try desperately to keep up with so that I don’t lose skill. I used to just be able to sit down, open band lab and improvise a song with synths and drums and stupid lyrics that still impact me today. now I put in so much effort trying to write out my thoughts without any embellishments, telling myself that I’m finally gonna record a song soon, using energy that I don’t have to just get my guitar out and remember how to play it, and then I give up and I’m even more tired than I was before i started. and so I decided that I really do need a fucking break. I begged UNM to let me take a semester off without losing my scholarships, and now I have nothing planned until August except for sitting in my room and resting. the only problem is that it turns out I have no fucking idea how to do that. 

now that I don’t have school draining my energy all I can think about is all of the time that I could be spending doing creative projects. I only had to leave the house for one day this week, and so since monday I spent three days straight putting together this website and then recorded and edited a youtube video which I ended up privating today hours after I posted it. at this rate I will never recover. I really thought that I was ready to take some radical break, but the thought of not doing this stuff is terrifying. I’m 18, the age where every artist that I look up to started creating their Body of Work. I’m losing time. I have skills that I need to practice to keep. at the same time I know that trying to make anything right now is counter-productive because I have genuinely skill-regressed in a lot of areas, and I need to stop for a long time so that I can get my capacity back. my eight-month break starts today, and I was supposed to be relieved, and so far I’m just terrified. 

(for some reason this feels so much more vain than posting on tumblr or something, even though I enjoy it so much more and no one’s gonna see it in the first place? oh well.)

[mylahrins]

forget-me-nots, 06.

hello sugawara,

i have so many thank yous to give! the muffins were delicious, tell your brother that the gardening club thanks him very much for the treat. i never would’ve guessed that you’re an older brother, but after learning about it, i can’t help but feel that it just makes sense! how much younger is your brother? does he go to school with us? does he look like you? i’m very curious!

also, i talked to ukai the other day. i drop by his family's shop from time to time, i like the steamed buns. i like to try a different flavor for every time i stop by. have you tried them? i recommend the bbq pork flavor! is that too basic? it's one of my favorite flavors haha. he asked me to make him a bouquet for his grandpa, he's visiting him soon apparently. i couldn't deny him, but i am pretty nervous to make a flower arrangement for someone other than you. i hope i don't mess up. ukai even insisted on paying me! i said no to money, so we settled on free steamed buns whenever i visit after school. i don't know how he agreed to such a trade—i get the strange feeling he doesn't make the best financial decisions.

please tell your mom i'm thankful for the flower seeds! perhaps i'll tell her myself over dinner? that is, if you were serious about your offer. who knows. i hope you don't mind, but i've shared some of the seeds with my club members. we usually focus on nurturing the flowers we already have, rather than planting new ones. while i love the idea of exposing them to all sorts of new flowers, i want my club members to understand the importance of preservation and prioritization. if you have too many flowers, its becomes hard to take care of them. if you're not careful, the flowers might die from lack of care. but i digress, everyone's excited about the new seeds, it's been a while! though, i did keep some lilac seeds for myself, i think i'm going to plant those in my garden. they take a while to grow, but i think it'll be worth it. i hope to see you soon sugawara!

warm regards,

y/n

p.s. i'm glad the mailboxes my cousin built us are working well! the stickers on your mailbox are super cute!!

about the flowers!

➤ lilacs: these lovely flowers represent all sorts of love. more specifically, light purple lilacs may symbolize first love or even the first emotions of love. however, darker shades of purple symbolize nostalgia along with romance. haha i would also like to directly quote this flower website i found called lovingly, "lilacs symbolize young love and the impermanence of youth, making them perfect in a bouquet for an old flame who has become a dear friend" so just... let that sink in... also! lilac bushes typically take 3-5 years to grow and bloom so...!!!

masterlist | next | back

a/n: we are SO back. college apps are done and finished (minus a few supplemental apps i need to finish but who cares) im back!!! sorry it took so long! technically im not on thanksgiving break yet, but its close enough. taking a break from writing really helped my creative juices flow LOL im very excited to write more for forget-me-nots... i have a lot planned.

taglist: @yenonnoff @softpia @ryeyeyer @shoyosh @wqnsho @wyrcan @hisfuture @guitarstringed-scars @zumicho @fiannee @02shuuu @miyamoratsumuu @walllflowerrrsss @ellizasworld @dearneverland @19calicos @miliondollagirl @keeboismine @asrichin

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