#and I am not feeling very positive about anything

[insipid-drivel]

I think this is a great point, but there are certain circumstances where, in my own personal experience, clearly indicating, "Hello. I have this condition that This Character is portrayed with," is both valuable and a means of pulling in readers that either share that same condition, or have a sincere interest in it. My explanation for why is under the cut:

For me, it's Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID or "multiple personalities" - please do not use the last term, as it is very harmful and dismissive of a wider array of symptoms that we experience along with our alters). I am a person that has DID in a unique presentation called DDNOS-1B, and something I've learned in striking out since my diagnosis is that there are some communities, such as many members of the DID community, that will not engage with any authors or content that aren't clearly indicated that they were written by someone that has that condition, or has close personal experience with it through a loved one or friend that advised on the work.

I myself have lived openly with DID since I was diagnosed in my late 20s by my longtime psychiatrist. I've sought communities of other people with DID, but to be blunt, they don't really exist that much, or are overflowing with malingering kids and "Therian systems" that very much do not understand the damage they cause by entering our very, very limited spaces and communities. Most people with DID are often alone, or live entirely closeted except with a very, very precious handful of people they feel they can trust. There are larger communities and support groups (and more therapists, too) that support and positively represent schizophrenia than there are that do the same for DID. My best friend of over a decade is schizophrenic, and has discussed with me on multiple occasions how they've found more media like fanfiction that represents schizophrenia in a decent way more than he's ever found anything that tries to touch DID at all.

Most people with DID, that know they have DID, and that I have known that have DID, are completely and totally functionally exhausted and traumatized by the media and attempts to find community as soon as I get the chance to meet them. Most of them are, to a greater or lesser degree, traumatized by the harshness most writers/producers portray DID as being when, in fact, DID is not the uber-dangerous, spooky thing that Netflix's bullshit movie "Split" makes it out to be. Nevertheless, a large number of people with it live closeted because, like other stigmatized mental conditions, you're basically inviting pain into your life trying to pursue media that represents you in a world where nobody really gives a shit, because the DID is a plot element and A Problem This Brave Brave Character Is Overcoming and nothing more.

DID especially is villainized, and often co-opted by malingerers that think it's cool to feign the condition in the most stereotypical and harmful ways possible. There's a long history of serial killers that malinger as DID sufferers because "it's an easy excuse to get an insanity defense" in court. My own psychiatrist of over 10 years was formerly a court-appointed psychiatrist that assessed the validity of claims of disorders like DID and schizophrenia in violent felons that tried to get lighter sentences for themselves (Ted Bundy did this, as well as a host of other infamous serial killers).

Can you imagine what it's like to live with a diagnosis that the general public has only heard about in literal horror movies and true crime documentaries, and is always portrayed in the most villainous and infantilizing ways by popular media?

After a while, a lot of people like me give up and embrace the concept of, "No representation is better than this representation." There are more cries in spaces like tumblr for ending the flagrant overuse of the word "Narcissist" than there have ever been cries for showing basic human decency to people with DID. I've never seen a viral post about mental health in any space or platform that's been about DID/OSDD and its need for kinder and more honest representation. I've been in hospitals where I have asked lifelong health professionals, "Have you even heard of DID?" reply with a blithe, "Nope! What's that?"

Most fellow Systems I've met through indicating in some of my published writing that A Character has DID (right now, it's my Merlin character in an Odyssey/Celtic Mythology fic I've been publishing since last December) and that I myself am representing the condition because I have it too is one of the few ways to actually make contact with people that understand me, or get their engagement in my writing at all, because most people with DID inherently distrust anything that claims to "represent" us that isn't written or vetted by someone that has it, or someone that has legitimate personal or professional experience with it.

I've spoken with students that are studying psychology or just have an armchair fascination with the concept of DID, but don't even think to ask questions about things that I live with on a regular basis. I've never once had anyone ask me as simple a question as, "How do romantic relationships work for you in real life when you have multiple people in your brain?" (Answer: They don't. I gave up on the possibility of being loved a long time ago)

To be completely honest, I'm the only person that chooses to live openly with DID that I've ever encountered so far, and a lot of it is because so many of us out there live in absolute, pant-shitting terror of being identified and persecuted. I myself have lost friends and family members who learned of my DID and began to stipulate how my alters and I were and were not allowed to behave (based upon stereotypes they'd seen in the media/been taught by their religion and nothing to do with how I'd actually treated them before), which is an unreasonable and unfair demand to make of a System. I have lost partnerships with a person I loved for more than 20 years because he could not understand that insisting, "I'm dating you, not your alters," is not only a misguided and patently false statement, but one that also makes demands of me I can't maintain and whittles me down to a very 2-dimensional version of myself. I've had religious family members and friends give me ultimatums that I had to "get rid of" my alters that present as demonic, and not-so-subtly suggested I commit suicide to send my demonic alters "back to hell where they belong."

So, yeah. I myself will not read or watch works that are supposed to represent DID through a character or multiple characters unless I already know that an expert or someone with it has vetted the work first. I am not the only System that does it, either.

No, it's not fair to put that kind of a gate up around embracing potential forms of positive representation, but I've been traumatized too many times by taking things on faith and being burned for it. My alters have been traumatized by it, too.

No, not every content creator and author should have to advertise, "It's okay that [Character] has [Condition] because I do," but there are some conditions that, by their very nature, cause the people with them to fear and mistrust media that tries to represent them and wind up avoiding it completely rather than even giving the work a peek. Most of the time, it's done in a harmful way that perpetuates extremely negative stereotypes, or false facts that are made up and popularized by "influencers" on platforms like TikTok that are really just malingering and spreading false information that leads to more harmful interactions for people like us.

For some communities, sometimes the only way to get people to talk to you or engage with your creations is to signal that you're part of the community in some way. Because most of the content creators in this world have already done us so dirty that it's the only way to trust that some representation of us will actually be kind.

One trend on ao3 that I feel uneasy about is the increased use of “author is trans” “author is disabled” “author is ace” etc tags.

On the one hand I can understand how it can feel like a reassuring sign for readers who are trans/disabled/ace etc that their lives are less likely to be misrepresented in that fic because the writer has lived experience.

But at the same time, when we’re writing fanfiction—about kids who can manipulate the force of the waves, about necromancy, about flying on dragons—I think the suggestion that you need to have lived experience to write sensitively about something is so limiting.

Like if we aren’t exercising the full force of our imaginations and empathy in fanfiction, where exactly are we doing it?

It also makes me sad because sometimes you can tell from the nervousness of the author’s note that the writer felt they had to justify their writing with their lived experience. And I don’t think you should feel ethically obligated to gesture toward personal and often painful aspects of your identity to justify writing you do in your spare time that makes you happy.

Some of the best fics I’ve read about disability have been written by authors that didn’t have experience with that exact condition and did heartfelt research and really let themselves inhabit it. And I think that’s a bravura display of empathy and the very best that fiction can offer: caring about a character enough, and caring about your readers enough, that you want to understand what it’s like.

Sometimes friends have asked me about my visual disability to better understand Zuko for their stories, and I’ve always found it really moving. It means they care so much about the fictional world that they want to get the real world right too. It means they’re learning and growing so they can make stories about disability.

It means they love the show, and it means they love me.

[itzy-bitsy-spidey]

"Hedgehog, porcupine, it's the same thing (pt.5)"

or "Something made a hole in my backyard pt.5"

Shadow the Hedghog x reader (platonic)

Notes: I finally have connection again!!! This part feels a little of to me but anyway, leave a comment if you want to be in the taglist or leave a comment if you liked it! ENJOY!

Part 4.

It happened so fast that you could barely process it, the creature looked at the room, then at you, then at the window and in a red flash it disappeared.

For only a fraction of a second, because as soon as it disappeared it appeared right back, but now besides your bedroom's window.

It fell to the floor with a thud and you swore you heard it say something.

But that would be ridiculous, animals don't talk.

"What the fu-?" You didn't even finished your question when the thing turned around to look at you.

The room was silent. Everything felt like it was made of very thin glass, and any sudden move coul shatter it all.

You crouched.

You didn´t know if you wanted to make yourself less intimidating or if you just wanted to be able to protect your hole body in case it tried to move again.

And so, you both just looked at each other. It was really the first time you had stopped to look at the creature so closely.

It´s eyes were red, but not just any red, they were crimson like blood on the outer part of the iris with a warmer fire-like red on the center. It had fur which looked super soft covering all of it´s body, but there was something like spikes coming out of it´s head.

Yeahhh, you knew what animal it reminded you of...

"Hey there" you said softly as not to scare it.

"Who are you and where am I?" the creature demanded more than asked.

"Holy shit, you can TALK!!??"

"Where am I? Did G.U.N sent you?" It had now started to get on it´s feet and speak louder, though it still seemed as in pain.

Everything about what was happening felt kind of surreal to you, one thing a little more than anything else.

"Why do you sound like Keanu Reeves?"

"Is that another agent? I will kill you in seconds if you don´t answer my questions" It furrowed something that you assumed were his eyebrows.

But between everything that was happening you suddenly lost balance in your crouching position, and fell on your back. When you managed to sit on the floor you found yourself with the sight of the alienish creature which had also fallen flat on it´s bottom, presumably trying to protect itself from you.

So then you were both sitting in the ground.

"I think we might have gotten off on the wrong foot" you started to say, as calmly as you could. "I´m not here to hurt you, you were the one who crashed on my backyard".

It kept on looking at you as if you were going to attack it at any moment, so you decided to give him something more, you told him your name.

"Shadow" It... He answered back, though it felt more as an attempt to get you to shut up than anything. More time passed in silence.

And so you got up, and left.

Shadow just sat there, slightly confused, but soon enough he weakly got on his feet and turned towards the window. He tried to give a step, but all of his muscles ached at it. He felt helpless. He hated feeling helpless, it reminded him of the cryo tube he was kept in for fifty years.

His efforts did not last too long either, as he felt two warm hands pick him up from under his armpits and sit him back down on the bed. Even though he slightly hissed at the pain and tried to fight back his efforts were usless and he found himself comfortably sat against the cushions.

You smiled at him and apologized for any discomfort that you may had caused, then you offered him a pastry (your aunt Maddie had brought them for tea).

He picked one up, and after a troughout examination, which to you kind of looked as a cat smelling something to see if it was food or not, he actually took a bite.

It was actually nice, and it had a slight bitter taste to it.

"So... are you some kind of porcupine?"

"I´m a hedghog and the ultimate life form" He answered back with still looking angry, but his voice had slightly less bite to it. You smiled kindly back as you held back a laugh.

"Hedghog, porcupine, it´s the same thing."

Taglist:@boogiemansbitch@vxllys@whoisgami@baby-bloos@sapphireravensworld@mothmanperson@4rm-the-mf-concrete@eliknowsnothing

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Paradigm Shift 6

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: you get transferred to a new position but it’s hardly a breath of fresh air. (plus!reader)

Characters: Loki, Bucky Barnes, this reader is known as Billie.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

💼Part of the Bad Bosses AU💼

You sit against the wall as the important people line the edges of the desk. Swiveling, toying with ballpoint pens, tapping on flat tablet screens. You're the only assistant there and it's made more obvious as you're the only one not invited to sit with the VIPs.

The executives go down their agendas. Boasting mostly about their numbers, others using flowery language to hide their less than stellar results, and some posturing rather than sharing anything of value.

Odinson looks less than interested. His eyes stray now and again to the walls. The glass is covered by the drawn blinds which he seems to forget as his mind arounds. He must have found a new distraction. You got out just in time.

He cracks his neck, "very well. Submit your numbers as usual. I'll be in touch with those I need to be."

He stands and struts to the door as the rest of the table look at each other. They're put off by the suddenness of his dimissal. Ellie was still presenting her budget.

"Billie, a word."

It's your turn to be surprised. As the other suits pack up or lounge and swipe at their phone, only two gazes react to the command. Barnes and Laufeyson turn to watch you stand. This is treacherous.

Barnes tilts his head and Laufeyson squints. Like a wolf and a snake, measuring their prey. Well, you will not be devoured so easily.

You cross the office and follow Odinson out. He doesn't look ahead, rather cranes to focus on something, or someone you can't pick out. He stops short and you hit his back.

"Ah, uh, oh," he spins to face you and plants his hand on the wall, his other pushing back his stands of blond hair. "Am I in your way, darling?"

"Hm? No, you told me--"

"Ah, yes, yes," he chuckles raucously, "be assured, I had good reason," he leans in and looms over you, "my brother, tell me your thoughts."

"Erm, well, it's not been very long," you reply.

"You are a clever girl, Bill, tell me."

"He is good with numbers and I think he's well-placed. He and Barnes could be productive but I think Logistics needs--"

He raises his head and searches the bull pen. He huffs and stands straight, turning on his heel.

"You will keep notes for me on this matter," he demands. "Be off, before he is about one of his moods."

He strides away without your reply. You wouldn't have anything nice to say anyway. That was abrupt and odd. As for his last remark, you're not sure which of your bosses he refers too.

You march back toward the conference room with your laptop under your crossed arms. As you approach, Laufeyson steps into your path, no doubt having observed your conversation. Before you can tell him to move, he winces and steps away from the door as Barnes rescinds his thick finger from his jab in his cohort's ribs.

"For someone so skinny, you make a hell of a wall," Barnes snips.

"I am lean, not--" Laufeyson sighs and shakes his head, turning back to you. "What did my brother want?"

"Yes, what did the big bad want?" Barnes stands shoulder to shoulder with Laufeyson, well almost, he is a bit shorter.

"He asked if I needed anything. Like a desk mat or tranquilizer." You retort.

Barnes snickers and Laufeyson glowers deeper.

"Very witty indeed."

"I'd love to do my full set for you two but I believe you have other meetings in your calendar," you advise.

"You sound like my drill sergeant," Barnes scoffs.

You arch a brow and stare back. You wait. You will. You're not there to do their work for them.

"Have you a mind for coffee, James?" Laufeyson asks.

Barnes growls, "I'll drown you in it if you call me that again but yes, I could use a boost."

They keep their eyes on you. There power plays are boring. Do they really get off on grounding down an assistant sentenced to purgatory? Actually, that make you feel a bit better. That's how little they have going on.

"I'll go--"

"We'll come," Barnes insists. "Could stretch my legs? How about you, Loki? Built like a spider, sitting in those chairs--"

"You shouldn't be so concerned with my physique and perhaps start cutting those mid afternoon muffins, eh?" Laufeyson retorts.

Even when they get along, they dont.

"It would be quicker if I went myself," you say. "You have Rogers--"

"He's a friend. He'll understand," Barnes interjects. "Garcons?"

Laufeyson nods, "perfect."

You blink but don't let your agitation through. You simply nod.

"Alright, I'll need to put my computer away--"

"Eh, you," Laufeyson catches a passing intern by the back of his collar. "Take this to logistics."

He takes your laptop before you can react and hands it to the spindly yellow-haired undergrad. You give an apologetic look as he utters out a 'yes, sir' and hurries away.

"You didn't need to do that," you argue.

"I hope my brother didn't give you the impression that I take orders from you, darling. It is rather the other way around." Laufeyson sniffs.

"He only takes orders in the bedroom," Barnes chuckles.

"That's hardly appropriate," Laufeyson huffs.

"Loosen up. Skip the coffee and take a shot," Barnes raps his knuckles on Laufeyson's sleeve.

They turn and grumble at each other. You don't move until they reach the elevator. You're not stupid. They have to show their dominance. Too bad you don't care who's in charge, you just want to get the job done.

[simpfordin]

W A V E S

thanos (choi su-bong) x fem!reader [au: based on the film waves]

wc: 3.4k+

summary: you and your boyfriend were madly in love, spending nearly every moment together. the two of you each had your own big plans post graduation. unfortunately, an unexpected pregnancy leads to the demise of the relationship.

warnings: TWTW teen pregnancy, toxic relationship, very angsty, subong is mean/ooc [not rlly a warning but i'm a chronic run-on sentence gal and i'm tired of reading this so i apoligize for grammar/spelling mistakes]

disclaimer: by no means am i promoting any of the themes in this story.

the sun had set below the horizon, casting the sky into a beautiful sea of deep blues and purples. some light was left, though, enough for you to see every detail of the man that lay next to you on the beach towel. his focus was on the sky as stars gradually appeared. the moment was so tranquil, from the light breeze in the air to the sounds of waves crashing in the distance, and the salty smell of the water blown in your direction. moments like these made life feel perfect.

“i didn’t want to say anything, babe,” you broke the silence, “and i love you dearly, i hope you know that.”

su-bong raised a brow, sensing the tease in your voice. he turned his head to face you, noticing how you tried to hide your smile.

“its just that,” you giggled, “your hair really reminds me of thanos. you know, that purple dude in the marvel movies?”

he watched as you cracked yourself up. if anyone else had told him that, su-bong would not find it amusing at all. the soft spot he had for you, though, allowed you to get away with the comment. in fact, he did find it somewhat comical.

suddenly, he interrupted your laughing by placing his hands on your hips, and swiftly maneuvered your body so that it lay on top of him. he placed his hand on the back of your head, pulling your lips to his. the two of you smiled into the kiss, ignoring the rest of the world. ‘moments like these,’ he thought to himself, ‘make this life feel perfect.’

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

we need to talk, plz text me when you can.

you tossed your phone to the opposite side of your bed where you currently sat, a wave of anxiety rushing over your frame. it was almost as if every single cell in your body let out a small shock starting from the crown of your head, and ending in the tips of your toes.

the two pregnancy tests sat side by side in your brightly lit bathroom. after seeing the word ‘positive’ on the first test, you had rushed straight back to the convenience store, assuming, no, praying that it was a mistake. less than half an hour later, though, your fear was confirmed.

anguish and anxiety riddled your bones; confusion lay dormant in your soul. 'how could this be?' you wondered in a panic. your mind immediately began to race, as if it hadn't been before, and thoughts about the future quickly crept in.

in a matter of months, you would be graduating from the 12th grade, and you were set to begin your first semester at a prestigious university nearby. what's more is that the university offered a select number of students generous scholarships based on merit and academic excellence, with you being a lucky recipient. your parents bragged for months, and still continue to do so; nearly everyone you know, even acquaintances, were aware of the achievement. what would happen if all of the sudden you declined to attend school? how, then, would everyone you know view you? or, what if you attended school whilst pregnant? what kind of reputation would this build? ‘they're going to think i'm some kind of whore,’ you catastrophized, the heat of the moment only intensifying the irrationality of the ideas.

furthermore, your boyfriend of one year, su-bong, had been ambitiously planning and curating a career in music longer than the two of you had been dating. su-bong, fortunately, found connections within the industry through social media and friends of friends of friends. he planned to begin his journey as a rapper as soon as he graduated. he would be incredibly busy, and you knew this. he would hardly have time for your relationship, let alone a child.

a ding from your phone pulled you from your thoughts back into reality. the screen lit up the opposite side of the bed, and you couldn’t make out anything other than your boyfriend’s contact name and photo on the lock screen.

'inhale, 2, 3, 4, hold... exhale 5, 6, 7, 8,' you repeated in your mind over and over, hoping that the breathing exercise would provide even an ounce of comfort, ‘you can do this, you can do this, you can do this.' the phone had shut off due to inactivity by the time you reached for it, only to light up again as you reluctantly opened his message.

you good ma? the text read.

though you could tell he meant no harm, the lack of seriousness in his tone only added to your anxiety, practically undoing the breathing exercises you practiced before. it took a few moments to build up your once more and finally respond.

~

“thats sick, bro,” su-bong spoke into the mic, conversing with his friend nam-gyu over discord, “yo, i need back up over here.”

su-bong had a habit of playing video games rather than focusing on his studies. ‘why does it matter anyways? i don’t plan on going to college,’ he would think. whenever he wasn’t with you (you were most always his first option after school), he would be on the game, either alone or with his friend. su-bong did, also, have a habit of keeping his phone close by, should you ask him to hang out or face time. it was nothing out of the ordinary when the screen lit up displaying your contact name. he glanced at his phone expecting to see, can we call? or want to go get ice cream? something sweet and innocent. the message, however, caused his heart to drop.

we need to talk, plz text me when you can.

su-bong absentmindedly abandoned his task in the game as his heart fell deep into his chest. he couldn't help himself, and immediately assumed the worst, ‘no way she’s about to break up with me.'

“are you lagging or something man? you’re boutta be killed!” nam-gyu’s voice rang through su-bong’s headphones, snapping su-bong back into the moment. su-bong didn't have the capacity to snap back at his friend as he usually would. instead, he spoke the first excuse that came to his mind.

“yo my wifi isn’t working, i gotta hop off."

“whatever bro, i’ll catch you later,” nam-guy answered, and su-bong didn’t stay on the call for a second more. he shedded the headphones and xbox controller from his body, and grabbed his phone already thinking of a somewhat unbothered and collected reply to send.

you good ma? su-bong finally decided on. though he held up his nonchalant persona, the message failed to reveal his concern for the situation at hand. he loved you, yet he couldn’t bare to be caught off guard; he would not allow anyone, not even you, to see him this troubled.

moments later, three dots appeared on this screen, indicating that you were actively typing a response. the dots lasted ages, he felt, or perhaps time slowed due to his anxiety. finally, a message came through.

i really need you to not get mad at me please subong

he sighed, knowing all too well what was about to happen. ‘who does she think she is breaking up with me over text?’ he thought, immediately replacing his feelings of sadness with outrage and anger. su-bong didn’t like to feel sad, and so he typically opted for harsher, more "acceptable for men" feelings. his inability to be vulnerable manifested in, almost, a superiority complex mixed with toxic masculinity ideals.

whatever, he typed angerly, your loss wom…

im pregnant.

the message appeared before he could even finish typing. he didn’t even have time to feel relief about the fact that you had not broken up with him (over text, too), as the news hit him like a truck.

~

its not that you wanted to tell him over text, in fact, you realized after the fact that it probably was a bad idea to do so… perhaps it was even disrespectful. in your delirious state, however, it seemed like the right move.

you stared at the i'm pregnant message on your screen, seeing no indication of him typing which was present moments before; it immediately stopped after you pressed send. you could hardly stay calm, especially knowing full well that he had seen the message.

you wanted to throw the phone, not to the end of the bed, but this time through the wall or out the window. your mind betrayed you; it craved a response but also begged to avoid it at all costs.

without realizing how much time had passed, you looked down at the screen, seeing that he already responded.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

it was 9:15 am on a saturday morning. su-bong pulled up and parked his car outside of your home, sending a quick message to let you know he had arrived.

you sat looking at yourself in the vanity mirror in your bedroom. a hand rested on your stomach, the supposed home of the child that had yet to develop. your emotions ran rampant the past week, and at this point you felt numb. though you felt you should be emotional, perhaps even crying, your body would not let you.

su-bong and you had come to the conclusion that termination would be the best option as you both had so much ahead, and since you both were far too young to be parents, let alone good parents.

your phone screen illuminated showing a message from su-bong. without even checking, you sprung into action. 'its time,' your mind thought as you pulled a crewneck (which previously belonged to him) over your frame, then grabbing your tote bag before making your way to his car.

su-bong picked up his head at the sound of the passenger side door opening, revealing you. he couldn’t bring himself to smile, and nor could you; he instead decided to place a light kiss on your cheek once you were seated, and he rested his hand on your thigh as he began to drive.

9:23 the clock read. you glanced out the window, remaining silent just as he did. the world around you seemed so normal; people walking in the neighborhoods, cars driving down the road, birds singing and flying in the sky. everything went on as normal despite your current predicament. the world had no idea what you were going through. it was painful in a sense, yet also beautiful how life could go on even in the midst of hardship.

a light squeeze on your thigh brought you back to reality. you turned to glance at the clock which now read 9:39. su-bong slowed down and turned into the parking lot of the clinic. it was hard to miss the small group of protesters on the sidewalk, attempting to dissuade individuals from stepping foot into the building. they sent glares you and su-bong’s way, intensifying your anxiety and bringing on a feeling of guilt.

as if su-bong could sense your unease, he spoke, “ignore them, ma.” upon parking the car, he held up his middle finger to the people that could see him, though it didn’t necessarily do much to calm you down.

once parked, su-bong reached into his pocket pulling out a disorganized wad of cash. the two of you worried about the funds needed to pay for the abortion, and came to the decision that no matter what, you would work together to cover the cost. over the past week, you collected money from your savings, as well as birthday and holiday money. you even went as far as asking your parents for some extra “gas money” to get you through the month.

he handed you the cash, which you placed in your pocket. the two of you exited the car and were immediately met with angry shouts from protesters. su-bong cursed at them, flicking them off once more, and attempted to guard your body from their view with his own.

once inside, you were immediately hit with freezing cold air and the scent of rubbing alcohol, typical of a doctors office.

the two of you made your way to the waiting area and stopped at an empty couch. “i’m going to go check in,” you said. he immediately pulled you into a tight embrace, resting his head on top of yours. he hoped that he could provide you with comfort, even if only a little.

“you can do this,” he whispered, “and i’ll be right here waiting for you.”

you wanted to sob in his arms and stay there forever, however you forced yourself into motion. taking a few deep breaths, you pulled away to look into his eyes, "i love you."

“i know,” he replied. he had never been comfortable saying the three worded phrase, which sometimes bothered you, however you know in your heart what he meant.

taking another deep breath, you pulled away completely and made your way to the receptionist. soon after, you were escorted to the back. soon the anguish will be over.

~

su-bong sat with his head in his left hand, his elbow propped on the arm of the couch. he struggled to keep his eyes open even though it had only been roughly 20 minutes since you disappeared from the lobby. he had no interest in his phone, nor the Weight Loss and PEOPLE magazines laid out on the coffee table in front of him. the televisions in the lobby displayed nothing; the room was practically silent aside from one or two conversations going on between others. very few people aside from him were in the clinic, and so he took the time to sit in solitude.

he slowly, though, began to doze off. just as he felt himself slipping into a light sleep, the door to the back burst open. you walked quickly, making a b-line straight for him. su-bong stood up, slightly startled, yet relieved to see you. the relief didn’t last very long though.

“can we go?” you asked in a hurried tone, “like, now?”

although confused, he shook his head yes, picking up his jacket from the couch, then following you as you hurried to the exit. once outside, you two were again met with shouting from the protesters.

before su-bong could retaliate, you grabbed his forearm, “please don't pay attention to them, lets just go.”

he fought against you for a moment, wanting nothing more than to approach and destroy the nagging individuals. however, he complied with your request once processing the urgency in your voice. he opened the car door for you, then quickly walked around the front, flicking the group off one last time before entering the car and driving away.

su-bong's mind wandered, though focused on driving. he felt somewhat afraid by your urgency, and also the fact that you started to sob silently. he placed his hand on your thigh just as he did on the ride before.

“so, uh, what happened in there?” he asked unsure.

“i-,” you spoke reluctantly between sobs, “i just… i couldn’t do it.”

su-bongs eyes widened and he immediately pulled his hand back to the steering wheel. “wh-what do you mean you couldn’t do it?” he stuttered, at a loss for words. he subconsciously began to speed up; he must have been going 15 miles per hour over the '25' limit at least.

“su-bong please slow down,” you petitioned in an attempt to stay calm. you could sense his negative emotions, and wanted to keep the conversation as mellow as possible.

“screw that, don’t try to change the subject, woman,” he demanded, allowing his anger to speak for him.

“don’t call me woman,” you, too, demanded, raising your voice to match his. the heat of the moment mixed with his anger caused you to lose your temper briskly, and abandon any attempts at a civil conversation, “you have no idea how i feel or how difficult it was to be in there.”

he scoffed in return. “you’ve got to be kidding me,” he spoke dismissively.

“don’t speak to me that way,” you said sternly, “its my body-“

“i get its your body-“

“and i don’t think i can do an abortion,” you cried.

su-bong shook his head in confusion, “what do you mean you don’t think you can do it? you had everything you needed back there, and we got the money to pay-“

“it’s not about the money, you don’t get it!”

“what am i not getting?” he shouted, slamming on the breaks and whipping the both of you forward. luckily, there was nobody else on the road.

“what am i not getting? huh? what, you want to be the knocked-up hoe in your college classes?” he taunted, raising his hands in confusion.

“stop yelling at me,” you begged, anxiety welling up and causing you to cry even more, "and don't you dare call me a ho-"

“you realize we’re kids ourselves, right? we shouldn’t he having a baby right now,” he interrupted, staring you dead in the eye.

“yeah well thanks for caring about what i think and feel. you’ve always been so great at that,” you scoffed, unbuckling your seatbelt and opening the car door.

“alright whatever,” he rolled his eyes, slamming his hands on the steering wheel, “walk then, bitch.”

“i was planning on it,” you sneered, slamming the door as hard as you could.

without hesitation, su-bong stomped on the gas pedal, practically leaving you in the dust. his actions caused you to let out an angry sob, yet your body began walking. you just wanted to be home.

seconds later, regret crept through su-bong's body. he realized how far you two were from your residence. as badly as he wanted to run from the situation, he realized he couldn't simply leave you, his love, alone to walk multiple blocks. he let out an angry groan, resisting the temptation to run. he changed gears, reversing swiftly back to you whilst rolling down the passenger side window simultaneously. he slowed down upon meeting you, placing his car back in drive. you, however, continued walking, attempting to pay him no mind. his anger only rose in reaction to your response; he had no desire to chase you down the block, “so you’re just gonna walk out of this car like that?”

“yeah thats exactly what i’m gonna do!” you shouted back.

“i can’t just leave you out he-“

“leave me alone.”

"listen to me-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" you repeated, stopping to kick dirt toward his car.

“whatever," he scoffed, "FUCK YOU!”

“FUCK YOU,” you screamed. like the last time, he speeded off, leaving you by yourself.

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

days went by, then weeks, then months with no word from su-bong. the first few days were debilitating. aside from the fact that you were experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, the love of your life had completely abandoned you when you needed him most.

eventually after a couple of weeks, still with no word from su-bong, you decided to come clean to your parents. it took a few days to muster the courage to inform them about the pregnancy, and how you were practically deserted in the situation. initially, they were shocked and disappointed not only in you, but also in su-bong for abandoning you. despite the pain it caused you, you understood. this was not part of the plan.

after the initial shock wore off, your parents showed compassion and sympathy for you, their dear daughter. they vowed to not only help you in any and every way, but also to be present in the situation. of course, their decision to do so provided you with a sense of comfort. however, the pain of losing su-bong still lingered in your mind.

~

two months later you stood adorned in your cap and gown. the line of back stage was long, yet you couldn't help yourself from searching for him in the sea of students. it was odd how he was a stranger to you now; so much time spent together all but flushed away.

su-bong's name was called far before yours, and you watched as he walked across the stage, posing for a photo with the principal. anxiety rushed through you; merely seeing him caused anguish to bubble and brew within you. your gaze didn't leave his body as he step down from the stage, oblivious to your intense observance.

you knew in your heart that it would be the last time you would see him. you knew it to be a fact especially in the weeks leading up to the ceremony. it had finally hit you, though, on this day, in this moment.

and so it was.

[scary-noodlesblog]

EJ nsfw alphabet?? Please 🥺

I gotchu bestie 💙 I am also a simp for the demon man

Eyeless Jack NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Hes the best at aftercare, always making sure his partner is okay, if they're hungry or thirsty. Or if they're hurt from his teeth or claws. If his partner is hurt, he will feel so guilty, apologize profusely and patch them up.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

EJ is an ass man, well, hips, thighs and ass man. He loves that whole section. His favorite body part of his is his mouth. He likes to mark up his partner with bites, licks and kisses

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

9 times out of 10 he is cumming inside his partner, male or female. If his partner is a AMAB, EJ is not a spitter either. If his partner is AFAB, he's gonna be determined to make her squirt

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

EJ wants to do a doctor/patient roleplay or doctor/nurse roleplay with his partner, so fucking bad

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

As mentioned in my Juno x EJ NSFW Alphabet, he's has 3 sexual partners as a human, but none since becoming Eyeless Jack. So hes not inexperienced but hes not very experienced.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He has two, mating press (obviously) and doggy style. He likes watching the fat of his partner's ass jiggle in doggy style. I dont even need to explain the mating press.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

EJ is oh so serious. He is very rarely goofy during sex, he's the type to take it pretty seriously.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

EJ likes it natural, but trimmed. However, he can survive if his partner wants him to go bald down there he absolutely will for his partner.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be very romantic, when he wants to be, or when its asked of him. Candles, flowers, oils, he can go all out.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

EJ will jerk off to or with his partner's underwear and shamelessly cum on them. Most of the time its the dirty ones from his partner's hamper...most of the time...

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Biting kink, breeding kink, size kink, and many more 😏

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Mostly his or his partner's rooms, or their bathrooms. If him and his partner dont live together then hes okay with any room in his partner's house where they are alone. In the Slendermansion he's also okay with it in the infirmary. Or the woods. Just somewhere mostly private

M=Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

I have headcannoned before that EJ gets turned on by his partner eating meat, specifically off a bone. The smell of his partner's arousal is also a heavy turn on

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No scat or piss play, i also feel like CNC would make him uncomfortable. Other than thst i feel like hes pretty willing

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves to give oral, will happily do it for hours as long as his partner will let him. Prefers to give rather than receive but won't complain if his partner wants to give him a blowjob, but hes big so hes cautious about gagging

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

EJ can be both. Sometimes its hard for him to not just absolutely rail his partner if they want it slow but he can restrain himself if thats what they want.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not the biggest fan, but EJ wouldn't mind having one. He'd much rather just wait until he can take his time

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

EJ likes to experiment, he likes to keep his sex life interesting. He might research some things and ask his partner if they would be willing to try it out just once

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

EJ can easily go 5+ rounds at once. Hell, he can go a dozen at least in a day if he wanted to. Its all what his partner can handle in that aspect.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didnt have any before his partner came around. But if his partner wants some, he is willing to use them on his partner, and hes more than okay with his partner using them themselves if he is out on a mission or something, but he probably wont use them on himself

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Arguably the biggest tease, very much likes his partner to tell him what they want him to do

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Hes not super loud but is vocal. He likes to dirty talk to his partner. Besides that he will growl, snarl, groan, and grunt. He also whimpers when hes in heat

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

EJ will take his anger out on his partner. After a bad or stressful day his partner can expect to have their holes absolutely fucking destroyed or massaged in the best way possible. There is no in between.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

This boi is big. EJ is packing 9 inches long and about 2 inches thick. It has a slight curve upwards with a gray shaft and a darker gray tip. Its also slightly veiny with a couple prominent ones running from base to tip.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is pretty average except for when hes in heat. Twice a year around the end of spring and fall he goes into heat, where all he is doing is getting off.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He always stays awake until his partner falls asleep. Once his partner is asleep, peaceful and content, then he will sleep, cuddling up to them happily

Thank you anon for the request! 💙

[vxlenst3in]

Nagumo randomly deciding to visit his ex girlfriend after years they broke up to... know how's she was doing ykyk

your ex boyfriend wasn't supposed to visit you after all these years. he wasn't supposed to even care about you anymore, you left each other behind, no? but why...? why did you open the door, when you could already see his raven hair through the peephole? was it curiosity? why'd you even keep up a conversation with him, when you knew just how well he was with his words - slowly tangling you around his finger. he was coaxing you into letting him in, and you knew. oh, you knew so very well. but despite all that, you let his words in - let him in, believed his 'innocent' lies and excuses, and even welcomed him into your living room. you should've pushed away his hand, that was creeping up your thigh. should've pushed him away, when he leaned in, to kiss the lips he missed so much. and should've just told him no, when he started pushing up your dress. his dark eyes staring into yours with so much longing that you've been trying to find in so many other guys. nagumo knew you only let this happen, because he broke you back then. broke you for any other guy who ever tried to please you. not even the huge toys in your bedside table could recreate the pleasure he made you feel. your body was perfectly molded to be pleasured by him and him only, your ex boyfriend. so was it really your fault to let any of this happen? you've been pent up for so long, and this wouldn't mean anything right? just a quick fuck and he'd buzz off? that's what you thought, till your knees were pressed against your chest and your head thrown far back into the plush of your cushions. your raven haired ex-boyfriend pistoning in and out of you at such a rapid speed. landing bruising smacks on your ass and thighs, as droplets of sweat ran down his chest to his v-line. but even that was fine. everything was fine, until his thrusts became sloppier and sloppier, and he suddenly started muttering words. "gonna fuck a baby into you....ffuckk...never gonna leave me again...fill you up to the brim." mhmm..he was so pussydrunk. and even if you could've replied, you wouldn't have said...no. but instead, nagumo mistook your clenching and twitching around him, as a clear yes. miscommunication was always his specialty, huh? you really should've known that he was gonna ruin you, your bedsheets, and you swore you even heard your bed crack. next time, don't let him in, if you don't want to be fucked in every possible position to the point where he's trying to babytrap you. or do. its up to you.

a/n: i said i wouldn't take reqs i knowww. but as soon as i saw this, i immediately had an idea and the motivation to write it :') am i finally over the writers block?? not proofread ty  ©vxlenst3in - do not steal, modify, translate or repost my work.

[roachliquid]

An incredibly pernicious anti-transmasc argument that keeps making the rounds is that everything we do was plagiarized from trans women.

Coining a term to describe our unique and gendered experiences of oppression? We're just copying trans women.

Complain that we're often rejected from queer circles for our perceived violent maleness? We're just parroting what's happened to trans women.

Forcemasc fetish blogs? We're just copying One Specific Trans Woman-Run Blog that got popular.

These claims are annoying on their own, but together they paint a clear picture of what transandrophobes want you to believe: that trans men and transmascs are incapable of creating anything ourselves, or if we did, it would have nothing in common with what trans women and fems are doing. The function of these claims is to convince you that trans people of seemingly opposite identities are equally opposite in experiences, and any evidence to the contrary is actually cultural appropriation fueled by jealousy.

This is gender essentialism. It's fueled by the radical feminist belief that "woman" and "man" are not so much terms that get abused to justify people's oppression as they are positions in a class conflict, one where All Men seek and/or directly benefit from the oppression of All Women, and that indeed, manhood and womanhood themselves are defined by this relationship to one another. To be a man is to be an entitled parasite; to be a woman is to be an overworked victim.

That notion is racist and transphobic on the face of it, and that is equally obvious in these arguments about trans men - all of which are predicated on the idea that the average trans man is white, well-off, and able to go stealth whenever necessary, and therefore benefits from the maximum amount of male privilege a trans man can be afforded. Following from that logic, any trans man or that you encounter online can be reasonably assumed to share that experience, and any mention he might make of trans men who fail to meet those qualifications is nothing more than a rhetorical cudgel that we use to deny our own privilege.

I'm sure you can see the problem there.

It's not surprising that I typically see these claims made by white women, frequently about Black and Indigenous men. Speaking from the perspective of a white person, it can be very easy to fall into a trap of thinking that our specific experiences with oppression makes us general experts, and grow defensive when someone provides knowledge that shows we were wrong. It can like we're being victimized on the basis of the oppression we do have, and it can be incredibly hard to stop, listen, and admit that we fucked up. This is doubly difficult when the person criticizing us is a member of a demographic that seemingly contributes to the oppression we face.

But just because we think it's happening doesn't always make it so. Yes, there are times when people are acting in bad faith, or overlooking their own areas of ignorance - to err, as they say, is human. But often, we're the ones in the wrong, and need to recognize that fact before acting. So where do we draw the line?

The thing that I've always found crucial is to stop, breathe, and think. We have to honestly ask ourselves whether the other party is saying "your experiences are not real", or just "your understanding of these issues isn't as all-encompassing as you assumed". Simply asking yourself "am I really being harmed, or do I just feel like I'm being harmed?" can often save you from a massive foot-in-mouth situation.

It's necessary to remember that people whose identities are different from our own have their own experience and knowledge. Unless they are coming out and telling us what problems we do or don't have, we need to trust that they're coming from a place of good faith and genuine knowledge, and be willing to listen and change our minds if necessary.

We have to make ourselves comfortable with the fact that we are not always the most, or only, important voice in the room.

That's something that a lot of anti-transmasc women love to remind us, and I wouldn't say they're always wrong. Simply being a man can and often does incentivize people to engage in misogyny, to talk over women and disregard their experiences, when we find them uncomfortable or irrelevant. Again - everybody fucks up sometimes. But it crosses a line when you start demanding that courtesy from others while refusing to extend it back to them; when you treat any information they offer as automatically inferior or entirely invalid, based solely on their perceived relationship to privilege.

In fact, doing so is literally an ad hominem argument.

Aside from that, I must point out that these arguments are being employed specifically to silence trans men's and mascs' voices. This is not an honest misunderstanding; it's an act of profound self-centeredness at best and outright malice at worst. How do I know this? Well, stop me if you've ever heard one of these before:

"Women don't have real interests; they just like silly frivolous things. Men's hobbies are real and meaningful."

"Women are inherently wired to be emotional. Men are logical and level-headed. I'm not sexist, it's just science."

"If you hear a woman say anything smart, you can bet she learned it from a man."

These, too, are silencing tactics, historically (and currently!) used to devalue and silence the voices of women. In fact, they're things that I have personally heard and been affected by, as a trans man who has spent the vast majority of my life being seen and treated as a woman.

I didn't fall for it then, and I sure ain't falling for it now.

[eldritch-sanctum]

What does it mean to be a god?

You know something I love about the Loki series is how it takes a common theme of people wanting to be gods and takes it a step up because the main character is a god, or a demigod at least. There is media out there were people try to be gods, and becoming god is seen as this megalomaniacal evil thing (like FMA of course); and there isn't anything wrong with it, but I do like how the subject in Loki is approached differently.

In Loki, you have this character who already in Avengers swung around the whole "I AM A GOD!" thing with great arrogance and foolishness, of course because there were supers and other gods who could strike him down. Then in Loki, he is stripped of all that because he has to spend time in this null magic zone a lot; which is the TVA. The series does an incredible trick of deconstructing Loki and then reconstructing him, he is ripped of his features that distinguish him as Loki, like his horns and Asgardian leather, but outside of the TVA he still has his magic and he still has his trickster tricks.

So, what happens during this time is that Loki learns to overcome his emotional wounds, be honest with himself, he begins to be humble and form emotional bonds with others. In doing so, he realizes the true meaning of "glorious purpose", he learns what it really means to be a god. (I am going to be vague here to avoid spoilers as much as I can) It is only at the end when he fully comes to accept what it means to be a god; more burden than glory, that he does so and taps into his latent godhood to ascend. In other words, a gnostic awakening: knowing thyself, escaping the shackles of his normal self, and practically becoming God.

But not without serious, tragic personal consequences. I don't think he is suffering through but is finally at peace with himself and his position. There is a series on YouTube that points this well, it is the Loki videos on season 2 from Cinema Therapy. They point out the genius shot here, wherein Sylvie brings up "we’re playing God!" because she feels that nobody has the right to meddle with the timelines the way the TVA used to. Loki then replies "we are gods". The frame shows Loki and Sylvie very small on the corner.

The mantle of being a god is not one of arrogant superiority, but wise responsibility. However, Sylvie isn't wrong here either, nonetheless this is a discussion between two demigods that feels very human at the same time.

I want more stories like this. Stories where a character runs away from comfort into purpose, knowing the cost well but knowing that something better, something more meaningful and powerful will come out of it. Stories where someone does try to become a god or become immortal, but it doesn’t mean they are bad or will be corrupt (but the temptation is there). Stories where a character becomes powerful and godly, because they feel they have no other choice. Stories where characters come to understand the difference between “playing God” and “actually being God”. Stories that contrast and explore power for power’s sake and power as a means. Stories where being a god also means a huge responsibility—but one worth it all.

[azrielgreen]

Az, this chapter was genuinely the most shocking and greatest thing I’ve read, and I’ve read all of your steddie fics. I’m so shocked.

Eddie murdered Steve’s parents as soon as he was out of jail, kept collections of the people he’s surrounded himself with in a box, brutally murdered Tommy for what he did, and the last scene?? where he told sergio to call him Jack instead? Oh my goodness, it’s so beautiful, I adore the way you wrote it. You could truly tell the switch in Eddie from the beginning of the chapter, to the end.

I love the way you made Tommy. It was so fascinating to read his character from the beginning in high school, to see his flaws and where he messed up, to the middle of the fic where he slowly started to lose his mind with the desire of ‘fixing everything’. In the end, he only made Steve worse. It hit worse than Billy, because Steve genuinely thought that Tommy was his friend, that they forgave each other and could start anew. For a moment, I felt hopeful for Tommy. Then he just had to do what he did, shame.

And Steve, God, Steve. I loved how accurate it was. the thing with Tommy, and the aftermath. The flickers with silver fox, Billy, EVEN EDDIE. It’s a sign that after the thing with Tommy happened, unless I’m wrong, Eddie is also considered one of Steve’s abusers, though he cleaned Steve up afterwards. I’m not sure if you meant it out to be that way, but I noticed it.

Plus, the ‘new part’ inside of Steve that formed after the event. I’m going to call it ‘Aware Steve’ if that makes sense, lmfao. Will it be making more of an appearance? And, how does he feel about Eddie? I noticed that he’s not as soft as Little Steve and Steve are with Eddie, he’s more blunt and sarcastic and very aware of what Eddie did, and what the other people have done to Steve.

Not sure if you did this intentionally, but I also noticed that it was as if the ages of Steve had split into parts all at once, rather than being kept up in a box. I liked that little detail. You represented it very well. :)

AND. Oh my goodness I just remembered this. The thing with GEN?? SHES CHEATING ON ROBIN? You added so much more onto side characters.

Is there anything you can tell us about Part Three? For example; Will it get worse from here? Will Steve slowly get his memory of what actually happened with Tommy back? Was this a one time thing, or is the part where Eddie lied to him gonna become a frequent thing?

There’s truly no redeeming in any characters. Jonathan’s messed up, but he’s always there for Eddie. Tommy got caught up in the fascination of trying to save Steve, that he soon ended up being one of Steve’s monsters in the end. Nancy did horrible things, and is the main reason for what happened in the showers, NOT Tommy. Well, sorta, but you know. Billy can’t be redeemed in general. Eddie is gone for Steve. He’s a horrible person.

You did amazing in this chapter, Az. I cannot wait for March, I’m positive you’ll do just as amazing.

I WILL be rereading this!

P.S : please answer some of my questions! if not, it’s okay. but god i am curious about ‘aware steve’

Hi lovely, thank you SO much for this amazing ask! Yours was one of the first I got over the weekend and while i couldn't answer until now, I loved reading this!!

Yes, we will definitely see a lot more of Aware Steve and learn more about the coping mechanism/element of himself. He doesn't especially LIKE Eddie, no, but he'll trust him if he has to. This version of Steve is exactly as you said - aware. There's so much that Our Steve reasons away, compartmentalises and even purposefully forgets about Eddie. We see this where he makes constant comparisons between Eddie and Billy because that's such a vindicating and obvious reassurance for Steve. Aware Steve, however, does not do this and he sees things in a far more jaded manner.

I absolutely loved writing the GV scene, its extremely fun to zoom in on a previous 2D character and show that actually they can be gross, unkind and disloyal all while seeming lovely. She's been cheating on Robin for a while now.

So, I can absolutely tell you a few vague things about Part Three. Most of what's coming has already been set up in the final scenes where we get multiple POVs, but i can confirm these too:

Ghost of Tommy Hagan - he's been haunting the narrative since the 1st chapter and he's not going anywhere for a while.

The slow decay of Eddie's control, mental state and his ability to retain empathy.

Steve's unravelling in a way we haven't seen before.

BREAKUPS!!

Someone dies.

One of the Seven gone rogue.

An unexpected betrayal.

An unexpected ally

AN UNEXPECTED HOOKUP

A Normal Person TM

Tommy's gun.

Just a few little hints!

Thank you so much again✨️💗💗✨️💗✨️💗✨️💗💗✨️⭐️💎🌈✨️🖤✨️

[lullabyalikpoptarot]

https://www.tumblr.com/lullabyalikpoptarot/774017749163917312/hi-please-do-mlt-in-bts-who-is-good-in-bed?source=share

Could you please do this for skz?

Disclaimer: No facts, all alleged. I am reading the sexual energy and ranking them from what I get from there.

Han (King of Wands/Knight of Wands)

Finally! Someone with strong sexual energy. He is very passionate and sexual, has strong desires, and is a very horny dude. He could be seeking pleasure all the time. He is spontaneous and fun, freaky, seems like the type to try new things. I think he wants to always make sex fun, so trying new things is important to him. He may struggle to stay faithful, because sex with the same person could get dull, not saying he would cheat, but he may think about it, unless his partner keeps their sex life alive. I can see him going from one person to the next, as the knight of wands, is my playbot/fuckboy card. He would definitely like to be in control and make the rules, but he is a bit more carefree and spontaneous about it. He just wants to have fun and make it a good experience for both parties, but I feel more for himself though. I can see with his creative projects the dude is very passionate and driven and always seeking a project that ignites a fire in him.

Seungmin (Justice/Queen of Cups)

I see him being a fair person, trying his best to work through things, so that their sex life can improve. He may even seek counseling for it to improve. He is all about communication and seeing eye to eye with his partner, trying to figure out the best course of action. He seems like a sensitive, loving lover, pretty emotional. And he may want a strong bond and connection with his lover. He may also be sensitive to his partners needs and try his best to please them. He will be that emotional lover. Taking care of his partner, asking them how they feel and stuff like that. I say he probably takes his time, doesn’t rush. He would probably prefer to be in a committed loving relationship. He seems more into love making,than it be passionate, rough, or lustful. Now, with his creative projects, he seems to prefer to be emotionally invested in it, nurture it, he may prefer to express his emotions through his creative work. He seems to want to make all sides happy as well and do things in a fair way.

Changbin (The Emperor/4 of Pentacles)

Chill dude, this man needs to lighten up, he seems pretty serious during sex, he doesn’t seem all that spontaneous, very controlling, so his partner does what he says. Very much Dom energy with him. It is like he has a plan of what he wants to do and that is how it will go, there is no wiggle room for anything else. He would need to be in control of the situation. I can see him being a possessive partner, so I am seeing jealousy sex will be a thing. He would also like to show he has dominion over someone, so sex will showcase his strength and power he will have over his partner. I can see with his creative work, he seems to like to have control over things, and also someone with strict rules and limitations as well, that plays into the bedroom as well. I didn’t get the Devil, so not seeing BDSM here, but wouldn’t be surprised if he dabbled in that. I see him with hard boundaries as well. And you as his partner better not cross them lol

I.N (The Fool/3 of Pentacles)

I am not sure he is someone with a lot of experience, but he is willing to learn and work with his partner, as he sees this as a team effort, and they should both play a part in sex, so he would want them to work together to achieve their peak I will say. He would want them to be a good team. He is open and willing to try new things. He isn’t stubborn or strict about rules at all, anything goes with him. So, whatever you may like him to do, he will be open to do it. He also gave me the 6 of swords, not sure what that means here. He may be someone who is seeking positive change, so whatever struggles he may have in the bedroom, he would like them to come together and work through that. I can’t see this man rocking your world, but he is willing to try, so communicating what you like, would be helpful for him and his partner needs. When it comes to his creative pursuits, he is open to new things, can be unsure of himself, and not know everything, but he takes a leap of faith and would like the help of others to achieve his creative projects. And he would like to move on from past mistakes.

Bang Chan (8 of Swords/Page of Swords)

He seems quite cautious, restrictive, not sure he is actively pursuing sex at the moment. He seems hesitant to pursue the act. He is very much in his head about it, maybe not sure he knows what he is doing. I get insecurities from him. He may struggle to be comfortable during sex. I am not sure he communicates a lot. Yeah, I don’t see him wanting to have sex, which is wild to see for a guy. There is just a lot of caution around him when it comes to sex. It seems with his creative projects he may also feel restricted, maybe a struggle to express himself freely, and maybe a bit cautious with how he goes about things. 

Lee Know (7 of Cups/2 of Swords)

What is up with these dudes. I think he may have fantasies and ideas of how to have sex, he may visualize in his head scenarios. He could be confused about how to go about hings, or how to act on these things, he may just keep it in his head, because he doesn’t tend to communicate his desires, sex can be lackluster for him. I see a lack of being able to connect with a partner. I can see him being at odds with that person. Like once it is done, they both go into their own world, no coddling or anything like that afterwards. I see a sense of disconnect and disappointment, on both parties' end. It is due to this inability to communicate on both ends. I can see this with his creative pursuits, a struggle for him to communicate what he wants and to actually make things happen or a reality. He kind of just keeps it in his head. He may not even be sure what he wants as well, so it can be hard for him to communicate what he wants.

Hyunjin (7 of Cups/9 of Pentacles)

He made me laugh, pretty sure this dude fantasizes about sexual scenarios, but he probably just jerks off himself to it. I don’t know but the 9 of pentacles, just gives me it is better I just do it myself. He may not have been satisfied with past partners, and prefers to visualize it himself and masturbate. I wasn’t getting much else, so pulled another one and got 5 of pentacles, so yeah, sex can be a struggle for him. I don’t think his sex life is that great and he kind of prefers to handle it on his own. I can see with his creative pursuits he struggles to make things happen, he may struggle to seek help and support about it, he just rather just enjoy what he has and just let things be.  

Felix (The Hermit/The Moon)

Really dude!? Not sure he is very active sexually as well, could be a celibate type person. This Hermit card just gives me someone that focuses on themselves and their personal journey. I don’t get anything sexual from these cards. Although. I see him flirting and dating around in readings. I am not sure he is sexual with these people. It is like he suppresses that energy. Hmm, I don’t remember if I got sexual abuse in his readings, but that could be why he suppresses this energy. I see suppression, fears, things hidden with him, just a willingness to address this energy right now. I don’t see him having sex right now. There is some healing work he may need to do here. In his creative work, it may be hard for him to create as well, he may keep a lot of his work to himself, so maybe he has put out some work. I think there is more he could share or there is this fear of revealing himself too much. I think a lot of his emotions come out in his work and he self-reflects through that, but not sure most of that has seen the light of day. Well, this was fascinating.

[magiclwritings]

It felt like drums were going off in his head the more Iggy spoke. Not because he didn't want to hear what he was saying but because he already knew what it was going to be. That feeling that was radiating off of the other couldn't be denied. Hell, he wasn't sure the gods would allow it to be even if he'd entertain that idea. What Julius had now come to understand about all of this was very plainly in front of him then and it hurt to hear but at least there were a base of understanding. Where he stood at least. His juror was still out on the man next to him. He couldn't blame him for the feelings he harbored towards him. The older he got, the less sparkly the throne had begun to seem to him. But that wasn't a truth he was ever willing to admit to anyone other than in his own thoughts.

"So am I safe to assume that you don't like me?" Julius asked quite plainly. He didn't need to be liked. If there was anything he'd be thankful to his father for it was that. And that wasn't to say they had a bad relationship but he understood that being king or in any position of power did not automatically grant you favor as many thought it had. Julius was now sitting face to face with that lesson. He never thought it'd be so blatant or that it'd be from his wizard but even the gods had a funny sense of humor from time to time. What he was curious about was when he'd said he wouldn't commit to an opinion but he already had. Clearly.

Julius didn't give him a chance to answer but instead pushed off the fountain. The closeness of Iggy was something he'd have to get used to. All that weight that came with him and, well, the feelings too. The prince craved to know more about the bond but it seemed every time he'd made an inquiry about the wizard's magic, his anger came back broiling. Which, now that he knew some of what would happen, it made sense. Julius never dreamt he'd wield magic or find himself in a position to. Everyone else around him always warned of it's need and how crucial it was. And he could see their well meaning intentions. Not everyone thought as he had and perhaps that would be the downfall of this kingdom and maybe it wouldn't. Maybe it could be a different way forward. Not an outside thought.

"What would you be doing right now?" He asked, looking back at Iggy over his shoulder. He had to admit the way the sun highlighted his hair and shone in his eyes was something. The prince drew in a deep breath, feeling that ache return to his chest and stomach alike. If this was just the beginning of their feelings for each other, he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep to himself forever. Perhaps he'll feel gracious enough to explain that little morsel of information. "I mean if you weren't here obviously." He turned a bit more, taking in more of Iggy and his felt his very chest start to rise in answer, like he was his breath. Fuck. "What would you be doing that you wanted to do?"

“Would you be happy if you were in my situation?” He didn’t believe anyone could be happy to work for their soulmate, to devote their life to a stranger. Maybe it was that Iggy's entire life changed once the mark showed up. He had to spend hours studying royal protocols and be trained to be a suitable spouse for the prince. And this magic, the one thing about his identity that was his, would soon belong to the prince. People thought he should be over the moon about it. He would have shelter, wealth, and anything he wanted, but this life had been forced upon him, and he hadn’t chosen it. “If you were a child and were ripped away from your family to attend training because you’ll be given to a prince not only to work for him but to be everything to him? And you don’t have a say in the matter.”

As he sat next to the prince and listened to him, Iggy wasn’t sure how to feel. He didn’t want to give Julius a chance to sway him or even captivate him. He wanted to try and keep the prince at arm’s length for as long as he possibly could. But Julius was asking him questions; he was curious about his opinions; he was allowing Iggy to keep the secrets he had and did not press him. It was something Iggy hadn’t anticipated from a royal. 

He turned to look at the prince, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth and mulling over the question. “I came here thinking you would be a thoughtless royal puppet, selfish and pampered after growing in such luxury your entire life. I thought you would be drooling over the fact that you have a wizard under your thumb, but you don’t seem swayed by that type of power yet. I’ll admit I didn’t think you would be curious about our bond, nor would you ask me to share the details with you. I’ll be honest: I think many of my predetermined opinions about you may change as we get to know each other.” 

Iggy glanced away from the prince, studying the castle in the distance. “I can’t commit to any opinion on you until after the ceremony for our bond. Power changes people. That is a fact of life. You might seem sweet and caring now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be corrupted later. You’re a prince now; soon, you’ll be King. That changes a person. You’ll be new to your rule and have an astronomical burden on your shoulders to impress your council and subjects. Only then will I be able to decide who you are. You can sit here and tell me beautiful things about yourself and what we will be, but I’m not looking for words, Julius. I’m only looking for actions that prove it.” 

[egophiliac]

kamen rider shion was just revealed for ride kamens, and he looks like he's themed after the... horse orphnoch? this is an even bigger surprise than the jin and woz homages

trying to speculate on Ride Kamens characters pre-reveal really is like

[ratcandy]

Big Huge Irritated Rant About The Latest COTL Update's Story Choices and the Implications

So the lore drop in the new Cult of the Lamb update, Unholy Alliance, pisses me off. The writer's confirmation of what that lore drop means pisses me off more.

Why? Because it's unnecessary recontextualization that was made pretty obviously in favor in one character in particular, and somehow in that process makes that very same character way less interesting. I think it's incredibly detrimental to the story and I will Explain Why in a second.

But before I do, I just want to put this out there: Prior to this update, my opinions on the Bishops and Narinder and that entire plotline were pretty neutral. I'm an NPC enjoyer, I spend my time thinking about that moth with two lines of dialogue. I did not previously have strong opinions on Narinder or Shamura outside of mild dislike for fandom treatment. So I'm not coming from a place of bias here (or at the very least I'm not trying to be). I genuinely, wholeheartedly, 100% believe this writing decision was unnecessary and the Wrong one to make, and I think it severely undercuts the original plotline because this was a retcon and one that sucks pretty bad.

Ok we're on the same page here? Ok awesome. Long rant ahead, and obvs spoilers for the Unholy Alliance update

So first, what the hell am I talking about? What part of the update do I not like? Let's clarify that first.

It's Shamura's dialogue. Like, all of it. For ease of understanding, here is all the dialogue I will be talking about:

"Ah... we gathered here, the four of us, a council of war and I the general. I have not forgot. I did not tell them that chains to bind a God must be forged of Godly matters. What matter of Gods? What matters of Gods? I have not forgot. The betrayal of kin, the breaking of spirits, blood spilled, his and ours. ...the sacrifice of what we had sacrificed so much for... ...shaped into shackles for our own brother. And our wounds always to weep. Such sharp claws..."

--

"He sought to break nature's own laws. Death was his, yet he placed his sacred duty in peril. His experiments... Experiments I encouraged. I am not... blameless. My soul, stained... yet I do not... Ah, The story. Yes the story... He wanted to open the doors between Life and Death, to... to allow their return. Those mere... mortals. Even though he knew their sacrifices, their faith, their fears sustain us. Death must be the end. Otherwise, what use would they have for Gods? They began to flock to him. What he promised, we could not match. He swelled with devotion... while we waned. Would he have let us perish? I could not take... the risk... the hunger... You are lucky there are none left to force such a choice on you. Hail, Lamb. Last God... lonely God... Ah... I feel... unburdened..."

And for fun, before anyone tells me I'm misinterpreting any of this or that it's left up to interpretation or is intentionally vague, Word of God (the writer of CoTL):

And it's this being Word of God that's spurred me into making this post to begin with. Because prior to this, I just seethed about this dialogue's implications in my server and hoped I was wrong. But now it's been confirmed what this means, and I'm . Disgruntled, to say the least!

And since I've started writing this post, there's been another addition made to further clarify parts of this. But I'm going to go over that addition more towards the end, because it also irritates me for separate reasons.

So, let's get this straight.

Prior to this update, the specifics of what happens between Narinder and the Bishops were pretty vague. We were told Narinder was "gluttonous in his ambition," per Shamura's previous dialogue, and that they "introduced him to ideas of change" but "Death cannot flow backward." Heket somewhat elaborates on this by saying he preached "heresy" and "noxious ideals" that would not be tolerated. Heket also notably refers to Narinder as a flat-out "monster." Narinder attacked his siblings and left them each with a big, symbolic wound. Then he was chained by the four of them, with Shamura the one to lead it (in their own words).

There's a lot of talk of betrayal, but before this update, it was unclear if the betrayal was meant to just be Narinder's experimenting with death (which even then was pretty heavily suggested to be resurrections) or the wounds inflicted upon his siblings. There's also a lot of talk of sacrifice, i.e. from Leshy if you kill Heket before him: "After everything we did. After everything we sacrificed. He will not be satiated."

Regardless, the picture this painted was of Narinder being this ambitious, evil, violent God that even his fellow Gods (Kallamar) feared and felt needed controlling. The idea that the wounds could have been in the nail in the coffin to this entire ordeal made sense; as they were obviously planned by Narinder to some extent (otherwise why be so intentional about who got what wound?) and a fair reaction to Being Mutilated would of course be to chain him.

Then of course there's the idea that the wounds were given while he was being chained and in self-defense, which only seems possible if you think Narinder could take on all four of his siblings at once like that and only manage to lose his claws in the ordeal (which was only revealed in this update to be something he's implied to have lost thru the relic). I thought this at first too, but realized it seems pretty impractical for that to have been the case if the wounds were also purposeful in who got what. I mean, sure, they could all be coincidentally symbolically appropriate for each Bishop, but I have doouuubts?

but now we're here, with this update, and all has been revealed.

And what's been revealed exactly?

Narinder's thing he was doing was indeed resurrections (we knew that)

Shamura encouraged him to do it (we also already knew this)

It seems like he did literally nothing else outside of that

His siblings got pissy about this because it made their domains purposeless and got all their followers to flock to him

"Would he let us perish? I could not take the risk" - Implies they literally did not even ask him

Shamura knew that in order to forge chains that could keep Narinder down, it would require a sacrifice of their bonds AND their flesh

They DID NOT tell the other Bishops this

Their wounds were requirements to chain him. They had to get the wounds they bear now in order to chain him. ONLY Shamura knew this. That means they allowed their siblings (and themself) to get attacked knowing full well what would happen. They may have even encouraged it, perhaps provoked Narinder into it, seeing as they knew the wounds were necessary to have him chained. (Or they just knew he would retaliate. Which, like. Yeah. They're condemning him after he went down a path they encouraged and, as far as we can tell, nothing else.)

And for... what?

In this version of the story, Narinder was experimenting with resurrections, and Shamura told him to keep doing that. Then he was successful, mortals turned to him, and his siblings (including Shamura, the one who told him to do it) got mad. That's it. That's their reasoning for chaining him. There's nothing else given. "Would they perish?" We have no idea. Is that how it works? Seems like Shamura doesn't know either. Or at the very least doesn't know if Narinder intended for that at all. Gives the vibe that literally no effort was made to talk to him and figure this out. They don't even really go down the "it puts nature out of balance!" path, which would at least have some merit, maybe. It's literally just "we are no longer sustained. What's the point of Gods in this world?" <- idk babe you had all the other ones slaughtered. So you tell me

And then Shamura just took it into their own hands, leading their siblings to their shared wounds (WITHOUT consulting them) and their inevitable destruction because of........... reasons, I guess. (I mean, if you think about it really hard, they probably also already knew what would happen following all this. With the lamb genocide and Narinder's resurfacing and etc. And they had their siblings wounded anyway. For no god damn reason)

And now why does this make me mad?

Because, honestly, in and of itself, there's not anything necessarily wrong with this added context. It's not contradicting anything in the main game. Shamura knowing what was needed makes sense, after all.

But it's... unnecessary. It screws up the motives and makes them more shallow, less nuanced, more... petty. Making gods petty is cool and all, I love doing that honestly, but in this case it just feels like a waste of potential.

But beyond all that. But most importantly.

This entire recontextualization of events REEKS of being made specifically to absolve Narinder.

I mean, come on. He's made out to be the victim, here. Shamura knew what he would do, knew what he would become, and knew exactly what would happen to their siblings if they sought to chain him (without doing so much as talking to him beforehand), and yet they encouraged it.

All blame is being shifted on Shamura. All Narinder did specifically against his siblings was inflict the wounds, which at this point seems to be hinted as self defense or a retaliation against threat or insult (assuming he was provoked into attacking, somehow). Because the wounds were part of the process.

And almost equally irritating, this seeks to arbitrarily absolve Leshy, Kallamar, and Heket as well, as they had no idea what the plan was and were just strung along. Which is just kinda worse, right? As far as they are aware, Narinder did just randomly attack them for no reason, and this wasn't foreseen, and surely couldn't have been stopped. All because Shamura didn't tell them any of it.

Shamura is being made into the big bad. Shamura is at fault for everything, for all of it. Narinder is a victim of Shamura encouraging him down a path they later condemn him for, their siblings are victims of Shamura and Narinder both (the latter of which could have been resolved at any point prior), and now any possible intrigue about Narinder being this big bad guy who tore apart his siblings due to his own ambition getting the best of him is ERASED.

It's GONE. All in favor of making him more sympathetic.

And sure, about a million different excuses could be made for Shamura, or could be used to headcanon whatever you want about exactly what happened. But with what we're given right now, just from the source, no attempt as made to stop Narinder before it got to this point. It is literally suggested they didn't even talk to him.

"Maybe they were too scared" - For the other three, maybe. Shamura is the eldest and clearly the most respected one, by Narinder as well (he holds some amount of respect for them even STILL. After EVERYTHING). They at any point could have stopped this.

"Narinder could still have been a bad guy outside of the attacks" - Sure, but we're given little to nothing on that front. In the old dialogue, literally all that's mentioned is the resurrection stuff and the wounds. Shamura is the one who said his ambition made a glutton of him, by the way. And hell, this isn't even touching the very real possibility that all of the Bishops (Narinder included!) are unreliable as hell.

"But Kallamar feared him even before his chaining, that suggests he was still a bad guy beforehand" - Sure, it could! But that's about all we get! And hell, in this new update, Kallamar's fears are fucked with, too. He states:

"Once, long ago, Followers would worship at my altar just to glimpse the beauty of my temple… of course, it could not last forever. Perhaps my siblings did not understand this, but I have always known. It did not make me less afraid. Cowardly Kallamar, ha…"

Here, it seems Kallamar's fears have been changed to be more about the decline of his temple and the loss of his followers, which was happening because of Narinder. He refers to Narinder's plans as "foolish" as opposed to... idk, horrifying, or threatening, or whatever. He also fully takes on the 'cowardly' title, giving the impression that his fears were somehow unfounded, which wouldn't make a lick of sense if Narinder indeed sucked ass outside of the wounds.

Not to mention he "didn't want to hear it" when Shamura "revealed the plan," but we know because of Shamura that they didn't mention anything about the wounds, so Kallamar didn't want to hear that they... had to chain Narinder? That's literally all he could've been told about the plan. Why wouldn't he want to chain Narinder if he was scared of him up until that point?? Doesn't make any sense!!! EDIT AFTER I POSTED: On reconsideration this might just be referring the lamb genocide plan, but that's hardly better, because now this update absolves Narinder, Leshy, AND Kallamar by making them blameless in everything (both Leshy and Kallamar expressed not fully understanding the plan for the slaughter or, in this case, not wanting part in it). What's up with THAT. Why is Shamura getting the blame for LITERALLY EVERYTHING.

Anyway, my point is

This was a story decision made to make Narinder sympathetic. It's so blatant. And it's so, so irritating. It gets rid of so many potential cool flaws of Narinder and replaces it with "Actually, Shamura was the bad guy the whole time! Huzzah!"

And honestly, had the entire game come out like this to begin with, released at the start how it is right now, I don't think I'd care this much. But being added now, as an afterthought, after the fandom and devs alike have grown to favor Narinder above all others, it just...

It reeks of favoritism. It smells of revising the story to make Narinder more likeable. It's just erasure.

And for what. Like, I don't want to be That Guy, but I cannot help but notice that one of two nonbinary characters (outside of the Lamb/Goat themselves) is being this heavily demonized in favor of absolving a Man of his crimes. What's, uh. What's up with that.

Oh, and that addition by the writer I mentioned was made while I was writing this.

This was made after Jojo was questioned whether this was a retcon as to who caused the wounds, as this whole thing could also certainly be read as Shamura being the one to directly wound their siblings (which I didn't think was the case, but still).

"I don't know if they thought it would be so severe" - How do I put this in a nice way. This feels like a weaseling out answer. This feels like giving Shamura an out only after being questioned on this writing choice. How could they possibly not know how severe it would be. This spider is Knowledge. This spider has Foresight of some kind. And how do you not know what they thought. You are the Writer. If you want to clarify something like this you gotta say it with your full chest.

Not to mention a good portion of the fandom probably won't even see these tweets, so this context is all missing from the story presented in the game. This is Tacked On Context on top of already Tacked On Context. It's unnecessary retconning all the way down.

Anyway. I realize the fandom at large will not care about this, because (and I mean this in the nicest way I can manage) the Narinder favoritism in this fandom is already impenetrable, but for me personally? This retconning that was so clearly done out of that favoritism?

It ruined Narinder's character for me. More than the fandom possibly could have. I mean, if it's fanon, it can be ignored. But this was canonized. Because Narinder is the dev team's favorite guy.

And I can't stand it.

[cogcltrcorn]

are we as a society gonna talk about how tos is a show made in the middle of cold war and has at its center a positive character from a communalist culture that appears withdrawn and cold to the human [american] pov characters, and is materialist in its core philosophy. what I am saying is: are we gonna talk about spock essentially fulfilling the role of the soviet communist in the narrative. are we gonna talk about vulcan as ersatz-ussr (again, communalist, philosophically materialist, but, because of rodenberry's utopic vision of the future, an ally)

[skunkes]

the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)

but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.

the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore

[glitter-stained]

Oh hey check that out:

This is from BoP(1999) #34

Fanon invention my ass