#and I already have a pity built of 40

[reginrokkr]

I have officially survived the first week of training! I'm still having a little bit of a hard time to believe that I already dispensed for the past two days even though both co-workers and the pharmacy owner and her brother told me that it should've been past the first month or two, so I'm taking that as a good sign! I'll play some HSR and GI as I barely had time during weekdays, then I'll jump here to deliver the drafts I have pending. The Perinheri collection is staring at me too, so expect me to both post a few references and rambles about it due to the juicy Khaenri'ah crumbs we get from those books. Hope you peeps have been doing well ♥︎

[hananoami]

please tell us about your pulls for this banner :3

Hello nonnie! I was already working this post before you even sent that ask in, haha-

Instead of pulling right away as soon as the Misty Invasion banner was live I told myself I would wait a bit and grind the hecc out of Abyssal Chaos first. Like I was already committed to the plan of getting of them one way or another, but if I were to earn all those readily available diamonds first to lessen the burden on wallet-chan why not do that? After all this banner has like 19 days on it so I didn't feel the need to rush.

✅ Obtain all Abyssal Chaos Records ✅ All Abyssal Chaos Achievements

It took me a few days to finish all that and I'm so freakin happy that the grind is over until Abyssal Chaos' weekly reset. Trying to get some of the achievements drove me crazy, ahaha... but it was worth it since I didn't have to spend so much on packs.

My first round of Misty Invasion pulls turned out like this:

ZAYNE- soft pity: Hidden Motives in 18 wishes

XAVIER- soft pity: Omnipotent Perception in 9 wishes // precise wish: No Restraint in 63 wishes

SYLUS- soft pity: R1 No Restraint in 64 wishes // precise wish: Lost Oasis in 61 wishes

Starting off with Zayne first, like I usually do for multi-character banners. I had some pity built up from the previous banner that carried over so it only took me 18 wishes to get Zayne's memory. Fortunately, I won the 50/50 here.

Then I swapped my precise wish over to Xavier next, but I lost the 50/50 to Rafayel's memory in 9 pulls. A 5-star memories in back to back pulls was amazing! Like I wasn't even upset that I lost the soft pity because I was going to pull for Rafayel's memory eventually. In the end it took me 63 wishes to get Xavier's.

After removing Xavier from my rate up selector I swapped to Sylus for my precise wish. Apparently he didn't like that because he decided to show up again for R1, making me lose the 50/50. So then it took me 61 wishes going to hard pity for Sylus.

So far that was a total of 215 wishes made. I still needed to do 1 more 10x to get the last Enchanted Crate from the Bonded Blessing (wish rewards) for their bathrobes. I honestly thought I was done pulling after this... except I was so wrong. ( x_x ')

Apparently there is another limited-time event for Misty Invasion called "Memory Growth Bonus", where you need to complete specific growth tasks for these memories in order to get additional rewards... like their bathrobes' special colors.... The task to obtain those cosmetic outfits required you to get their respective memories to Rank 1. This means you would need another copy of their memories.

Xavier was already at R1 and I still have the selector crate from the Bonded Blessing rewards to select one banner memory for free. So all I had to do was pull for 2 more...

ZAYNE - soft pity: Cozy Afternoon (64) // precise wish: R1 Hidden Motive (64)

RAFAYEL- soft pity: R1 Omnipotent Perception (30)

Used Silhouette Crate to select SYLUS - R1 Lost Oasis

Sighs, I went back to get Zayne his R1 and I saw the snowflake when a 5-star memory showed up! BUT IT WASN'T FOR HIS BANNER MEMORY. I got [Cozy Afternoon] instead, which really sucked because that memory is already at R3. As a result I got 40 SSR sands... a really crappy reward if you were to ask me, but iiwii. Zayne's R1 Hidden Motive eventually came home with the precise wish at 64.

I decided to pull for Rafayel's memory next. My sweet baby fishie was so kind to me and came home in 30 pulls, winning the 50/50. This meant I was finally done pulling since I can use the free crate to select Sylus' memory for free. Thank goodness.... because the end of all this I've done a total of 380 pulls to get everything to R1.

I get locking some glamour as rewards for doing x amount of wishes made on a multi-character banner like this. It's incentive for players to continue making wishes. What I don't like is them locking even more cosmetic outfits behind a memory rank up. I understand that it is business tactic to make them even more revenue. And while I don't mind support them I can't help but feel that this just straight up plain cruel.

[house-of-slayterr]

Long rant about “trauma dumping” lol

I just watched a video that was the perfect example of the Internet watering down useful terms. The example was “trauma dumping” which any person with a brain will agree isn’t a great thing to do. But even when someone is actually trauma dumping, their internet is not usually malicious. You can correct them, and move on. Mistakes happen. Awkward situations happen.

The example in this video was a streamer acknowledging a specific chatter he’d noticed had been absent. He called attention to her and specifically asked “where the fuck have you been?” Which is already a pushy way to ask that type of question. He instigated the parasocial relationship here. And she answered honestly saying a simple “my mom died” and he fucking blew up on her, calling her a “bummer” saying she was “not using etiquette”, swearing, and basically insinuating she was a horrible person for answering a question he asked. And for 20 mins + a further response video he dragged her through the mud and repeatedly accused her of “trauma dumping”

Saying “my mom died” or “my husband left” or “my house burnt down” ISNT FUCKING TRAUMA DUMPING!! Those are just statements, facts.

Yes, sometimes these statements can be used to fish for attention, sympathy, pity, etc… but that wasn’t the case here. She never asked for sympathy, she simply answered his question and tried to move on. If he didn’t want an answer that wasn’t bubbly and upbeat, he shouldn’t have asked. Anyone who’s been on the Internet for a while knows that usually if someone disappears suddenly for a long time without explanation, it’s typically not a sign that things are going good in their life.

Like it’s rare someone’s just gonna hop of the internet for two months and be like “lol I was on vacation” because if it was good news, you probably would have heard about it.

There’s a huge difference between saying “my mom died” and trying to move on, Vs saying it repeatedly, or going into graphic detail, or continuing after someone asked you to stop. Those ARE trauma dumping. And there’s a time and a place for that.

But someone saying something that’s outside of your happy go lucky view of the world isn’t trauma dumping. Especially not if YOU asked them for said information. Don’t get mad at someone for answering your question in a way you don’t like. That’s not their problem, it’s yours. A simple “that sucks” or “I’m sorry” or even if he wanted people not to say that news “I’m sorry, I wish you the best, but please don’t discuss stuff like that here” would suffice.

Now on to the Neurodivergent part of this rant…

Can we please for the love of god stop just throwing around phrases like “how are you?” “What’s been up with you?” “Where have you been?” Like they mean fucking nothing?

Neurotypicals always say how were inappropriate, or rude/blunt, or confusing or don’t understand social cue. Of course we don’t fucking understand when you social cues are literally fucking bullshit built on a lie.

If you don’t want me to answer the question honestly, why the fuck are you asking? They say they do it because it’s “polite” but what polite about prying into a strangers life?

For example, I get this question A LOT working as a barista. And people have even complained to my boss about it, despite me wearing a very obvious “Autistic” pin right under my name badge. And I know they can see it, cause they read my fucking name to complain about me.

I only ask “how are you?” To my regulars, because I care and I want to know. And they care and want to know back.

But do you know how many times (it’s usually people 40+) customers will walk up to me, and I’ll greet them with a friendly “hi, what can I get started for you today?” Because that’s my comfortable scripted line I’ve prepared to efficiently move them along. And they respond by rolling their eyes, giving me attitude or saying shit like “IM GOOD HOW ARE YOU?” In the condescending baby voice? It’s infuriating and infantilising and I hate it.

And because I don’t want them to have the satisfaction I just repeat my question. We could have had a pleasant interaction if you just did what you came here to do, which was order coffee, not ask about my day when you clearly don’t want an answer. You created your own bad experience.

Most of the time, after I have gotten their cup in line so it can be made quickly and not get them upset, I’ll ask questions after. Business first, casual conversations second. 90% of the time I’ll compliment something about them, or be like “good drink choice, it’s my favourite” but they won’t even let me get there naturally in the flow of conversation. Why is your way right in my way wrong?

I hate giving fake answers like “good” or “I’m doing well” cause it’s such a waste of time. In that time, you could already have your drink starting to be made. I work in FAST food, I don’t have time for your “pleasantries”.

I always end with “have a great day” cause we actually required to say it. And most of the time I fucking mean it, because I want people to have a nice day and enjoy their coffee we just made them. But to go behind my back and complain is asinine, childish and out of order. What are we, fucking primary school children? Don’t go run off to the principal cause I don’t play the way you wanted me to. I didn’t ask for that.

This quickly combines with the “customer is always right” bullshit. Because they expect you to be nice to them, despite them being rude and disrespectful to you first. Like you started this, and you’re gonna stand there and finish it, or you’re gonna leave. Don’t drag this out and make everyone miserable because you’re deluded enough to think you get special treatment.

People also complain that everything I say sounds sarcastic because I’m “too cheerful” you’re just being ableist. That’s just want my voice sounds like when I’m doing my job. Would you rather me dead pan and be like “that the fuck do you want?” Because those are your only options. Either you get nice me who’s genuinely trying to help you cause that’s what I’m being paid to do, or you go somewhere else where people will treat you the way you expect to be treated.

Like that’s not something that’s just programmed into everyone and it’s foolish to think it is. You set this standard for yourself. You can’t instantly get mad when you haven’t communicated the issue first in a polite manner. How the fuck am I suspend to know you want me to ask about your day, when the guy behind you would rather shoot himself then have me ask him for anything but his order? I’m not a fucking mind reader, and me trying to do my job isn’t “rude.”

This has been bothering me for a while cause I deal with this every fucking shift for the past 2 years. My boss just had to yell at an old coworker in the big store (I work in a kiosk within a store so they aren’t my direct coworkers, but we do function in the same building) who came to visit and was apparently talking shit about me and another coworker. Because we didn’t meet her impossible high, un-communicated standards. My boss was just like “they’re fucking autistic and you’d know that if you payed attention” and basiclly told her to never come to our shop again. And as for the coworker she was complaining about (while I don’t necessarily like this person for many reason I won’t go into) wear a giant fucking “I have social anxiety, please be patient with me” pin. I know they can see it.

We’re trying out best and making fuck all! And you know non of these people have ever tipped us. Or even been nice to our faces. Then they wonder why we frown when they come over and aren’t excited to see them. You fostered this reaction with your constant and blatant distaste, we’re just reacting cause we’re human beings. Don’t expect us to smile at you when you’re being mean. I hate people sometime I swear!

@oceansrose2002 @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better @myers-meadow this happened at least 5 times today. I wasn’t even there a full shift.

[peakwealth]

The Beloved Wreck

FROM AVEIRO, Portugal

In the long haul fishing harbour of Gafanha da Nazaré (Aveiro), Portugal (July 2024)

Your lips move as you try to decipher the name, barely visible on the stern. And when you've figured it out, it doesn't make sense. P o l y n e s i a it says, but the ship hardly looks as if it ever belonged in the luxuriant south seas. As for the IMO number above the name, it is even harder to make out. According to the register it is 5023564. No flag is to be seen.

Maritime sadness doesn't come any sadder than this. No rust bucket is rustier than the Polynesia. The wreck is part of the history and the long decline of the North Atlantic cod fishery, on display along a stretch of wharves known in Aveiro as the Cais dos Bacalhoeiros.

The very idea of setting off aboard a four-masted bacalhoeiro - a sailboat! - to catch cod at the far end of the world seems strange today. Yet so it was until well after World War II. The last tall ship was withdrawn from the Portuguese fishing fleet in 1973.

To some extent the harbour of Aveiro is still home to tha seafaring heritage, to the mythology of bacalhau, something that runs deep in Portuguese identity. Ocean-going trawlers still leave from these docks while the old ones are left to rust, rather than be sent for recycling at some distant Bangladeshi shore.

But the Polynesia is something else. For more than a decade it has been tied up here, across from the same armador, the shipping company that used to send it off for months at a time, looking for fish in the waters off Newfoundland, Greenland and in the Barents sea.

The ship was called the Argus back then, purpose-built in Holland in 1939 and used in the long-haul fishing campaigns until 1970, when Atlantic cod was already in decline.

The Argus was 64 meters long and its masts rose nearly 40 meters above the waves. It was one of three almost identical schooners, the pride of Portugal's white-hulled Frota Branca. (1)

Two other ships of the white fleet have survived. One was converted into a luxury cruise yacht, operating mostly out of Lisbon. The other is used by the Portuguese navy for training at sea. The Argus too was reincarnated as a cruise ship - or love boat as some Portuguese disparagingly called it - hence its name. But it didn't last. Reflagged a number of times (British Virgin Islands, Honduras, Equatorial Guinea, Grenada), it was reportedly abandoned by her previous owner, Florida-based Windjammer Barefoot Cruises. Finally purchased at auction in Aruba in 2009 it was towed back to Aveiro. One can only imagine that the Portuguese rescuers, Pascoal & Filhos, a company with deep roots in the local codfish business, took pity on her, preferring to have her tied up across the street from the company office, so they could at least see her.

Plans to restore the ship to its former self have come to nothing. Now owned by the municipality, it agonizes in public view, somehow still afloat, but its fate more inevitable with every passing, rusting day.

++++++++++

The Santo-André, permanently moored and turned into a floating museum. (Aveiro, July 2024)

A few kilometers downstream lies another memento of Portuguese cod fishing, the more modern trawler Santo-André, also Dutch built and used between 1949 and 1997 for a total of 90 voyages.

The beauty of the Santo-André is that it has been largely preserved as it was. Although a museum, it is strikingly evocative of the no-frills life at sea and the great hardships that came with it. Only the captain's quarters came with their own bathroom. (2)

The cod was gutted on deck, then salted (by the salgadores) and stored in the holds. In later years, most of the fish was frozen, not salted.

By 1992 the North Atlantic had very nearly been emptied of cod when the Canadian government decreed an immediate moratorium in the waters it controlled. Fishing communities on either side of the Atlantic suffered. Unemployment in Newfoundland and Labrador was devastating. Meant to last only two years, the ban was fully lifted only a few weeks ago, 32 years later, on June 26, 2024, though with minimal quotas.

Radar and old fish-finding electronics on the bridge of the Santo-André, frozen in time.

_______________________________________________

(1) See "The Quest of the Schooner Argus" by Alan Villiers (Melbourne 1903 - Oxford 1982), published in 1951 by Scribner's, NY, USA.

(2) Remarkable footage of the rough and dangerous lives aboard one of the four-masted white ships can be seen online in a 1966 documentary by the National Film Board of Canada: https://www.nfb.ca/film/white_ship/

[petrichorium]

AAAHHHHHHHH!!! I have been waiting for you to open your ask box! X3

Did you get Acheron? I know I did. I've been saving for her since Ruan Mei. And man my pulls were a roller coster.

I got her in the first 10 pull of 6 pity. Then I went for her LC which I got in 30 pulls. (I was at 40 pity, so 70x pulls in total.)

I saw what her E2 does and I wanted that.

After getting Acheron (E0) I then got Yanqing at 20 pity. [He's now at E2 :)]

It took me another 80 pulls to get Acheron at E1. Until then I lost the next 50/50 to Bronya at around 70 pulls. (She's now at E2.)

I got Acheron to E2 after ANOTHER 70 pulls and now I'm stuck on whether I should pull for Luocha or save for Robin.

KDNFJBSJD OMGGGGGGG CONGRATS ON E2 SHE GOES CRAZY!!!!!!!

I did not go for Acheron for a few reasons ngl. The two big ones r bc she’s lightning and I already have a lighting waifu who I will be throwing all possible jades at until he’s e6s5 and bc I intend to go for aventurine!!!! Ik she’s cracked as hell and jing yuan just. Has lackluster damage in comparison but like I’ve built him like a maniac and he has zero trouble clearing content so it’s better for my account to go for a second sustain over a better lightning dps after I have put so much effort into making my lil trophy husband viable 😪

As a certified Luocha Girlie™ I have to shill the man who has carried me through everything JDNDKNEF I think he’s v worth it if u want a comfortable sustain, there rlly isn’t a char who comes close in terms of just throwing them on a team and not having to think abt them again. Even miss fu requires some thought I fear 💔 tho I do believe aventurine will be closest and he synergizes even better w Acheron if she’s gonna be ur new main!!!!

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

3.12.24 Tuesday

3:29 am

I have windblow.... Can't sleep worrying so much...

Coward, that word just came into my head....Coward means being irresponsible for what they or what you did...

3:40 am

I hate fucking coward! But I love you for caring but I hate you when you leave...

4:12 pm

Can't sleep...

4:19 pm

Can't sleep.... Why...

10:24 am

I need job and money angels.... My last money is for my son-dog's update shots in a lil while.. Hoping for Doc Rob but he is no longer in amigoz...

I need money and job...I feel so frustrated....I used already my "time deposit" for my botox and travel....I wanna cry....

11:23 am

I wanna leave Cavite...I don't like ate Ochie fakers just like Uncle Jun, more on observation...

Uncle DD always delayed on fundings...

11:34 am

Whew! Uncle DD needs to pay the electric they need to manage the fundings for electric....

11:43 am

Ngaratsi for Uno...They didn't asssist me on John but they have a car...

11:47 am

This Kuya Bong said I thought you wanna go in ilocos...We are kinda friends me and Kuya Bong or Brother Bong....I somehow said in joke high tone of voice that "Hey! ( high-toned voice ) Bro. Bong, what we will do to the grass, the horse is already dead! ( Aanhin pa ang damo?!! Patay na ang kabayo!!! Wala ng kabayo). There is no horse anymore!!! The horse is already dead!!!

12:47 noon

Kuya Bong was the one who built their house (House of Uncle DD and Aunt Karen ).

I have windblow and worrying so much... I still wanted to leave Cavite...

1:16 pm

I have windblow...

I feel bitter here in Cavite....I feel so ugly and fat and someone is pulling me down...

Nobody wants me on the middle class,I want cute faces... The problem is, I'm no longer spoiled....I hate it coz the pretty boys didn't like me anymore coz of my poorish situation.

How can I afford a gigolo or call boy, I'm no longer spoiled... I wanted to be lifted up... I need a good future.That's my 2nd problem,how can I afford a gigolo to lift me that I have a partner and on my sex frustrations.....I'm no longer spoiled, I have no fundings...It is so good to have a gigolo bf, he needs to follow my order such as do this to me,come here and smile for the fame, it is a lifting spirit for me...A taller than me gigolo... I don't have my spoiled position now....

1:32 pm

Remember this? I watched this from the past months,it is about the actual life of a "Gigolo".

I was spoiled and I could afford it....I was... The thing here is there were some immaturity scenes between the gigolo and Ana the mother of Julia... Remember???

1:57 pm

My very first "steam iron" for clothes and for sofa to kill mited and bugs... I still plan to upgrade just like my very first "air fryer" that I got in Lazadah.

4:06 pm

Still,have windblow...

Done, watching "The Program: Con,Cults and Kidnapping"....

I still feel fat and ugly....I wanna leave Cavite....I feel frustrated here....I still can't do to buy Starbucks everyday.

Did Mitch give me that "simple battery" since 2007?

I still wanna do vanity and travel, gain friends that I can be me and like me and hope I can afford a "gigolo". I feel so frustrated... I have windblow, no constant circle of friends these days... It is hard to go up being flatten this way....I hate women here, fake women who are much more whitier and smoother than me....I don't like them no, coz they didn't get me from the start.

I don't like women that much these days...

7:16 pm

I still have windblow... I wanna leave Cavite... I feel self-pity here....Waiting for a job from call center but I need to get a part time job and there is none...

I'm already 43 angels, only call center can accept me or be an artist on TV but somehow impossible...

Still, waiting for Amazon and VXI by May and EXL by next month... Hoping, I can be skinny before going back to call center.

I wanted to sing in Padis or waitressing but still waiting for their call... I just don't like women that much these days coz I feel fat and ugly. I wasn't able to do my gluta and my nose perfection.

10:14 pm

I ordered Neko her eye medicine though she is the dog of Uncle DD... Though,I'm out of money in a lil while and Uncle DD was not really able to help me on my toiletries but I do believe on angels and good karma...

I still have my toiletries almost complete now... Though, I needed more lotions and powder.

My belief, you must love LIFE and take care of good LIFE,even the LIFE of other organism... God created HUMAN BEINGS as well as ANIMALS. I posted from the past months that we are higher beings than animals most specially on dogs....We must take care of them and allow them to live with pride and dignity that is "ANIMAL RIGHTS"!.

10:23 pm

I just can't bear seeing Neko scratching her eyes even her other body parts...I just don't have bigger fundings now... My money is mainly for myself and for my son-dog and my own personal things. But like what I said I became a dog lover year 2009 until these days...

I'm almost out of personal fundings but I can't touch my son-dog's money ( John ) for his update shots.Thank God for his good health and the past trials that had and survived.

Neko got some Bleparitis ( inflammation of the eyelid), many secretions and shed tears.

They give up on Neko, but Neko is a good dog....I remembered when she was pregnant she cried on me when I touched her and I asked Uncle Jun if Neko is pregnant and he said no! She is just fat...

After few days, I touched and checked Neko and a day came that I had money and I suddenly bought her collar and treats as well...Few days after and after a day came again, when I came home from somewhere, Neko suddenly gave birth... I assisted her...

Neko cried on me and heard her sighed... ( buntong hininga ) Dogs are a good companions.... If only Neko can talk she will ask me why sister Peachy they will kill me??? A big sympathy I have for her coz she is a good dog with a soul came from heaven, she can comprehend but can't talk...

11:47 pm

Hmm... I feel bad if I can't see my green sports bra and my black sando, I can't stand those kinds of people....

The red heart cup and syrup are really missing...I feel stressed when they got my stuff and I don't have enough money now...I really wanna cry...I really wanna cry...

I really wanna leave Cavite and I feel hurt when some people are trying to chase me just to damage my future and to damage my image as one of the most beautiful faces in the world..

I feel hurt that they took away my youth and my chances in life were all stolen.

11:58 pm

I don't like anymore those something borrowed but it was something stolen...

The red heart cup is missing and the syrup... Now, my green sports bra and my black sando are missing. I really feel heavy and super-stress...

[the-firebird69]

There are a few things that are in the works today that are going to hit Monday Tuesday

1. Bja has taken the UK and has possession of JC and Mary and others Queen Elizabeth the second Queen Elizabeth I and the big list of people who are in the museum and it's a lot of leaders higher ups including Arnie and Obama and their computer and inventors an engineers they're your kind of adventure others include general Schwarzkopf and he came up with a system for the clans to use and peacock there's a few more the person who designed and built the machine on Mars to create atmosphere he is held by bja. And the slew of foreign papas and he's sticking on the world he was already there trying to get them out and they know who is and where he is and that he has them one of them is has been recently captured from Port Charlotte was his grandma from Russia and her name is come up several times it's Tammy. And there are others like her that have been grabbed recently to Norwegian Express and he has possession and they know a lot of stuff

2. Trump is going to get evicted and the information is coming out of bja mouth. He will try and get into the apartment thinking that he's like Trump but Trump doesn't really have anything except for money and they need to keep an eye on him to grab that. Monday Stan is going to file papers and have a courier go to the courthouse in PG and it is too evict Trump Terry and Dave and out of the apartment permanently

3. There's a third thing that is brewing and these things above will cause others to happen. Along with the three above bja is also in trouble for stealing and has been noted that he's been taking lasers and cannons and heavy and place is cram packed with it. They found about 72% of their stuff there roughly and it's underground and they do the deep skin now they got information from other warlock they practically has to tell are they just won't bother doing anything

4. These pseudo empire is under attack and that stand and he's losing tons of stuff the others are under attack because he's under attack he's under attack because he's held prisoner and Stan was in prison and heard it and felt a little better and they're noticing it today and it's going on that they're going to have to do something hey Mac daddy woke up excited about it I said this is why it says knucklehead who's fighting us and the 18th ring is a mess of the pseudo empire lost 100 million down to 6% on the large and they only have 45 million ships and it's very pitiful and our son says you guys are using it so you might as well pull little ones out I started doing it this morning and figured out something we can kind of hang out here because this guy doesn't like them and hey and they're hitting. So the two are fighting fiercely here and now they're fighting over everything every job and every post it won't stop until what is the victor and they're not the same size and the pseudo army of the pseudo empire is moving down here because their bases are under fuse attack still today during the day. And he used to hemisphere is there getting well done by the warlock they're going after was tons of stuff and there are 25% we expect them to be at 15 by the end of the day in the eastern hemisphere and the clothes dropped like 10% of their basis below except the ones around the ships and the ships themselves it's going to happen soon it'll be the launch

***We have several events coming up in early November and we're behind schedule and want to make a note of that***

5. Other things are happening today that will set up for Monday Tuesday the courts are going to get ready to sue these people here in the neighborhood they're horrible and they need to leave further last night 20 went to the inner ring 15 are still out there and five farmer garden we had 40 last night and now there's 35 households and the 15 are not doing well the forces are not doing well and he knows a few people but we only announced them if something happens and they'll be a memorial set up nearby someone's going to do that. The lawsuit is brought by the pseudo empire people and most of them were. And it will begin Monday morning and the effect is they start fighting harder but they're suing them for money that they lost from their activities it's a lot of money and they are suing for what they lost here and we're actually on the lawsuits as lawyers and they don't know who we are we are suing for our sons money. It's only about $15,000 in about half of them are that much it could be more or less but that's around there it's for this harassments are doing daily

There's some bone jarring stuff going on. Put the above is going to affect Monday and Tuesday greatly we're supposed to the days it starts to work. The lawsuit and BJ taking over the UK and the outer ring and the suit by the pseudo empire it's all coming to a head with the warring parties and they have figured out that bja has broken off and it's going to be a problem for them

6. Today our son old enough thanks it is Sunday but it's Sunday and just trying to show looks like he is a clone or something some people think it's Mike too and he becomes the guy from Angels and demons and then he becomes Obi-Wan Kenobi that would make more sense but it's not necessary for him to be Obi-Wan Kenobi but he is another character like it and it could be him but it does look like they're chasing them but her son and daughter say it looks like the quasi empire is chased by them too we do think that's happening there oddly enough and the clones are trying to take over the South and it does happen today. And this sets the stage for Monday and Tuesday the clothes grab them and bja comes down and tries to grab them all and their forces repel them long enough for them to leave and it makes sense

7. Several other shows are going to go on today they will set the stage for tomorrow whatever is right here in punta Gorda. The city came by was looking at this area and figured out that these canals are overflowing sometimes but they're very low now and we'll probably stay that way so they want to make sure that the water drains out and sitting in the driveways and they tried to figure out what to do they want to go under with a pipe but it's too low and if they went down a little they could cover it and if you do it here you have to redo the septic and then several places like it no and they want to take the artifacts and it would force the septic to be done. They're going to try and put in an order to have these driveway raised and the storm drain put under into the trench and it would be raised up about a foot every level with the sidewalk would make any difference those regards to water it'll still be pitched towards the street and if it's going to drain it's going to not flood but the septic system would have to be removed and still going to write an order to stan you can't have standing water and it will be bja manipulating that to happen. There's more going on and it's happening shortly but this will affect Monday Tuesday because they looked at it in midweek and they did the signs and for the whole neighborhood they came up with a drainage plan is bja people there's a few problems like it but nothing this severe and they would have to put a septic out back first and they're telling them to do that because they're going to rip the one out front out. And her son would not have to relocate they do the work while it's here and he can leave and they come back and be done for the day and it takes like 3 days mostly they ripping everything they tear it out the dirt and they put the stuff in the first day and they buried the second and they finish it off lawn and stuff the third it's not really going to be that great of a job they have to connect it underneath the house and they know how to do it without cutting into the house floor but for some reason they think they are going to try and do it differently but people don't want them to as it is the drain goes from each house to a main drain out front and the three come into the same place unfortunately our sons is the wrong spot but they could join the other two from under their apartment and his from under the apartment and it's not too far in it's like 4 ft in from the wall and that's where they join up from the sinks and everything and sorry kind of got a hole there just say they want to cut into the floor and disrupt everything and they want to try and kidnapping and there's a lot of people who don't and you have to go under the sidewalk outside to get to it but they can do it remotely there's a machine that does it it puts the saddle on and people know about it but they wanted to motivate themselves saying they have to do all sorts of dumb s*** and they put three saddles on and join it up out there and to be less of a problem and be in a septic tank and you don't need a dbox. Well you do it goes after the septic like you're here it's really no point to it except yeah the distributes it's a pain in the ass today they're trying to discuss how to get that going and I've been trying to force it and they want to do it all over the neighborhood and it's bja was kidnapping attempts so there's some insight as to why that's happening he's the s*** head

8. Couple more things one of them is they're tired of his complaining and bja said it and we're tired of bja complaining very very insulin things and we're going to crush him and he doesn't think so but we're going to get our way and we don't want him messing up this project and the house or apartment and he's going to try and hang on to it but we have to make sure cuz he's a loser and his complaining is going all over the world and this thing we can't stand this kid bja and we can't stand his complaining and we can't stand what he's saying and when the boy complains it's different he says they're doing this and it's a real pain in the ass and affects you we're going to do this if you guys don't do something but PGA just sits there blabbing and blabbing and he's disgusting retard and we're going to finish that piece of s*** soon

9. Another item is they're going to complete the driveway and back charged the landlord and rip it out if they have to they can't do that in the state won't let them without acceptance being accepted or relocation for the tenants without charging them and the state sometimes pays to relocate people is not true the landlord has to and they want to put him in a hotel and our son doesn't care just as long as he has a place to be and can eat cheap enough and that's the problem so they want to drain him and make him sick too

10. Few more items are happening on a grand scale everyone is getting ready to attack the morlock and the clones they're both idiots and they say it and they have an emergency with regarding the computer and they're going to wipe them out all of them it's a plan that has some points to it a military aspect civilian aspect they're going to the next it on Monday

11. Another item is his freedom and what they're making it look like but it seems like to everybody is it the empire hasn't held there and the empire doesn't want that impression even though they may be doing it but it is out and foreigners got together and we did too separately and talked about it and said it's horrific we're making light of it and they're holding society hostage and they mentioned it too and they said we're not going to take it anymore we're going to start knocking them around and see what comes out and they're going to be horrifying a little there's too many weapons and all sorts of things and it will start a war that's going on today and Monday Tuesday results will occur

12. They discussed the roof of the apartment and interior stuff and said to let them wallow and then they said no we're trying to get in there idiot and they're going to try and repair it. And it's bja and he's going to try and have Stan sign someone else and really you don't ever have to see anybody to do a roof nobody really does these days they call him up and haven't ordered and they send something by the fax. And it's going to probably proceed shortly too before the septic because PGA should realize the town is going to critique the place and he said oh boy

13. There's more happening too and it's going to be impacting Monday and Tuesday. There's a court case coming up and it's against someone you would not imagine and it's not our son they try to and everybody stops them until they're dead it's against the pseudo empire for starting this war when they can't afford it but it's really about them taking land and things that's not theirs and it's going in Monday it's headed up by bja

14. There is more the guys at Castle are upset they went out of that place it's a s*** hole and it's not being maintained just like the apartment here and people are disgusted with these idiots who don't do anything all day and you want them out and they're moving to have them removed from Florida and it won't work done around the place and there's no working then nobody can stand it but people are going to file lawsuits against Castle there are two coming out Monday and one coming out Tuesday and we're planning on suing as well first it will be a group lawsuit Sue and using our son's name shortly probably after the ship leaves that's another thing too

15. And we're going to hit Tommy f now for his comments. Fully. There's no reason not to the clothes don't like him and we are going to also see Monday Tuesday some changes with regards to the disposition of these ships and we don't expect the lunch yet and they're turning the ships on and off and they only run them for a few hours although it seems like days well in some cases it's a few days and they shut them down they're testing them to see if they will run and they're changing components they really needed to these engines are too big to use what they're using they've almost got it all switched out though. But the ships are going to be attacked by the quasi empire or pseudo empire have a good reason to do it they figured out that they're getting the two parties to fight and it's really the empire but Tommy f is doing their bidding and a couple more things

We have some kind of time limit of course it is on everything we have a lot to say we'll have to say it later or get it out I do understand that these people are trying to drag it out. We have people on it but we need to mention a couple more things

16. And we know it's more than John remillard but it is him he's a putz we have armies that are prepping to go after the clothes and they're big they're going to go down there and they're going to attack them and quite literally with a lot of force and they know they're going to start raiding more and it's only a little now. All of the groups are prepping to do it and all over the world. Now we have a fight here going on right now and it's between the clones and everybody and start a few minutes ago and saw the announcements going out and they're quite throw now it's up to them and they're trying to stop it it's pretty big

17. Besides that as a huge move into you're going to prep in our prepping to attack all morlock including the pseudo empire they are tired of them they're the damn way they're holding out to valuable artifacts and people and not taking care. They're horrible to their son and to their friend and we don't like the warlock either and they're planning big strikes and the empire is too

18. Monday morning will start off slow but preliminary work is set up and staging and warm it's going to be beginning we have a plan and our son says that during this attack we need to have a presence all over the world and we should be mobilizing and we are for construction everywhere including Florida this place is a disaster they're going to come in here and pull tons of their stuff out we're going to do it too we don't want either side to have heavy it's nonsense now. Ain't no sun says it too they're getting smaller and they can see it as the spaceships are disappearing and that's what they're getting ready for is the counter repercussions

19. And there's a third major for a movement and it is to go after those who are rebels versus the empire and they want to use this and I couldn't hear to grab foreigners and they say us and even our son and they're very aggressive in their talk they don't expect to grab our son but they say there could be opportunity and we're going to stop them

20. Other items that are happening this weekend are discussions on Utah and more and we are planning on going out there at some point and Sunday would be a nice day and JC did it and we think it's a good idea. But the ideas are to bring him out there for the court section and that's what they call it a session and to handle money and laugh and watch him try and get back and their idiots but we do have a plan for that we're discussing that and they're discussing other items like that and Hera's characters. And they want them together and they have plans to do it and this car is one of them although we can't let them build this one and more. Basically they're designing stuff to happen the next two weeks and it's the molar they want him to go to Utah within the next two weeks once again it's bja. And other things will be happening around town he's going to try and fire Jordan remillard and company from the mayor of PC the sheriff of Charlotte and a whole bunch of other roles and internationally and Ashley too nationally too there's a couple of things

21. Trump is going to be hung out to dry during this period and he's already trying to maneuver into the UK but he's not give me a solid effort that's a big mess in the south they're all there and he's going to actually get hung out to dry because of that the trial is not going well for him criminal charges will be brought Monday state and federal charges the federal charges are very serious it's a racketeering. And it will taint him and people look at the records for any of that to try and squeeze him for money it's happening shortly

22. Other things are happening around town they want John rebelord out and everyone wants him out and his son their idiots they say and there's a movement here still and it's both sides of the warlock fight tons of them actually and they're organizing today to try and do things to get them out

23. There's a huge movement going on to try and stop the Macy's apartment and revive the m all. Is there a son's idea is pretty good and the bastard put some useless model in there it's not nice and people don't do it. It works great in Japan but not that good not that great now and they don't have anything with roboticized and people are a little mad I said what the hell are you doing now you a****** and a son went in try to make it seem cool and people didn't think so. We are very sick of that guy everything he does is negative and the colons want that and others he's such a pill he's a moron and he's going to get pushed out and the mall is one reason and Jason has figured out that it's an a****** screwing around with him for the guys to the ice bag talk and other stuff they're ridiculous assholes down there to begin with but he has made a lot worse looks disgusting like a mental hospital and there's several ideas to revive it and they're going to crush his project and the sunseeker resort too was discussed this week and today they want to tear it down. They're going to say that they fudge the numbers on the demographics with regards to traffic and they did is it a horrible spot and they have them coming out right into 41 and the main traffic and they're saying the light and the road there can't handle it and they're going to try and tear it down and say it was damage they're going to go the whole nine yards to take it down because of what he had on Sunday was they keep moving those barriers too close and other people have to go through and they start cursing them out and he's yelling back I'm doing it to you on purpose and stuff like that so we're going to do some s*** to you on purpose you dumb a******

This is what happening this weekend it'll set up Monday we're going to mention it coming up

Thor Freya

Olympus

The guy next door is a barf head we're going to use what he's saying against him

Hera and very soon today

[straycatboogie]

2023/07/02 English

BGM: Rufus Wainwright - Across The Universe

TBH tomorrow, the 3rd of July is my birthday. I will be 48. 48... I am really impressed that I have been surviving my life through a lot of troubles. It is the same as Franz Kafka's birthday, the person who I have adored so much. So once I had thought that "I wanna live like him" and "I wanna be 'modern Japanese Kafka' and also be famous". That Kafka had passed away in his 40. I once strictly had believed that "I also would die in my 40 like him" (of course, I was really young and fool). At that time, I had been a sad heavy drinker. I had never joined the meeting about autism yet too, so I could have been soaked into my own sweet and imagination/daydream/nightmare. But life is strange. At that 40, I started quitting alcohol anymore. And also I could meet the friends who had also been into troubles about/as autism. We built the meeting at last. It means that the age 40 was a turning point of my life. I might be able to say that "I could begin my life from 40". Is it a fate?

Now... I can't remember why I had drunk a lot of alcohol in such a terrible way. My lifestyle/point of view has been changed clearly/drastically. You can describe this as "de-brainwashing". I remember... I had started drinking because I couldn't find any job when I graduate my university (at that time, we didn't have any smartphones as useful equipment yet therefore I couldn't make any task schedules well. I also have to confess that I can't talk with anyone in any real situation positively to appeal how I am cheerful). It had driven me crazy and made me started drinking. That was the beginning. Maybe you already have read this topics many times in this journal... But I was a kid who had been bullied a lot in schools, so my self-image had been distorted heavily/terribly. I had hurt myself a lot virtually/mentally as thinking "Why have I been in this world?" and "I wanna die soon"... I remember this. Serge Gainsbourg, a legendary French artist/performer, said that smoking is a way to do slow suicide. Me, drinking was a way to hell (but I had dreamed that it was an easy/pleasant way to heaven).

And... I thought something was wrong with my drinking style. I tried to stop drinking so googled... and found the "danshu" meeting group this city has. But I couldn't quit alcohol at once. Days passed in vain... and one day the headache arrived me suddenly, so I had to stay in bed. I could stop drinking that day. C'est la vie... The next day I wondered a lot. I should go to buy one more can beer to drink again? "To buy or not to buy, that is a question"... at that time, I (or someone in me) said clearly like this. "It is pitiful", "I am really frustrated". Because if I started drinking again, I would have lived this life soaked into the sea of alcohol. I would die in my 50s... or 60s. Indeed, that can be "a human life". But it must be a "pitiful" life. I remembered Ayumu Kato, a Japanese comedian's phrase... Sorry, I can't find any good English word so I just write it in Japanese. He says "Kuyashii-desu!!". At last, I found a "spirit" in the bottom of my mind/soul... No. Sorry, I have been MAKING/WEAVING a story. Actually, I just had thought that "that's enough", "I don't want let myself drink alcohol anymore". Or simply "I choose living" and "I am frustrated". I found those various ideas coming/flooding from my deep bottom of mind/soul...

After that, I have been quitting alcohol. I have never done any slipping (drinking again). But still now, when I find a sign that says "DRY", I get shocked (in Japan, we have popular brand of beer as "ASAHI SUPER-DRY"). But I don't want to drink anymore. I am now enjoying "the second life" or "a new life" steadily/eventually... "Kuyashii-desu!!". As you (the readers of this journal) already have known this... I am not a "manlike" person (of course, I can't say I am a feminist too. I unconsciously hurt women actually with a certain "manlike" dominance. If you are finding some essences of that, don't hesitate to tell me, please!). Everyday I am writing this... I am just a slacker/wacker with a hentai mind. Just a "sissy" crybaby... But I am also that kind of owner of a tough spirit even though I am like a slug. The spirit that enables me to beat myself, overcome addiction... Like Sting sings, "Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot", I have been surviving. It must be a lucky guy's life. I have been surviving...

[optimus-preema]

11.12.22

Haven't posted in a while cuz this past month (Nov onwards) have been quite difficult. I've been really struggling to study but nonetheless I have thankfully stayed up to date on one of my modules (the one you can see above ^^).

The new 3.3 update for genshin is out and I think I have scaramouche confirmed. I'm just waiting to get him tho I have a feeling I might be falling into hard pity since 40 wishes have already gone and all I have are rainslashers and C6 Yanfei [why do i keep getting that useless weapon].

From the last update I managed to get Tartaglia and the polar star which was amazing. Tartag is acc amazing to use and I like using him in either my kokomi + rosaria + diluc comp or with kazuha/aether instead of diluc. He isn't fully built yet but he does decent damage.

I'm also excited about the next few banners as we have ayato and raiden in 3.3 2nd half and then al-haitham in the 3.4 banner which I CANNOT WAIT FOR. A lot of people have been saying he is like dendro keqing but I don't think that is such a bad thing cuz I love keqing and I need a decent dendro DPS so he should come in handy imo.

[sextions]

i feel like everything i do is wrong and no matter what i do im pissing off the people i strive to be like and i'm still so damn ignorant of everything ever and ALERT ALERT PRIVILEGED MIDDLE CLASS WHITE PERSON HAS AN EMOTIONAL PITY PARTY ABOUT NOT BEING PROGRESSIVE ENOUGH EVERYONE COME CODDLE THEM PLEAAAAAAAAAAASE <- that keeps going through my brain every time i have an issue with myself and the effort i put into my sociopolitical values and i just rrrrrgh its so unhelpful i can't do this. i don't post about palestine or gaza or politics or anything because this is a fucking tumblr account with 12 followers but i do care (fucking obviously) and when i get back home i'm paying 40 bucks for 30 days of video calling for palestinians and hopefully my mom doesnt think im like giving money directly to hamas or whatever. i have like no reason to feel bad. i just haven't taken my antidepressants and i know that's the entire reason i feel so shit poopoo dookie lately but god its just been getting to me. and by 'it' well let's just say. heh. the entire capitalist system. neon sign pointing to me big ol white waste of space right here. guys i feel just like 2017 sam o nella isnt that crazy its like im the fat woman+ forced inclusion brownie points reincarnation of the most average mildly funny safe marketable "woah nerd alert!!" white youtuber guy ever. i need to get over it. i'm not 14 anymore. i need to focus on my own channel. i stopped vaping and i feel loads better i stopped having like fucking heart palpitations and dizzy spells idk i might get off weed for a while i think its making me angrier. actually no i am gonna go off weed cuz of congo duh. is it selfish to think of quitting vaping for my health first before congo's mass suffering? i think so. and that's why every non american gets mad at americans. all we can do is talk about ourselves. look im fucking doing it right now. bla bla bla my poor fat white ass blah blah blah. god calling myself fat feels so freeing. not in the self deprication way just the yeah thats me way. my friends always go 'no youre average!!' and try to compare me to actually average-built girls and its like honey youre not hurting my feelings by acknowledging that i do weigh more. i wish my skinnier friends would understand the privilege that comes with being both skinny and conventionally attractive even if you still dress and act "weird". one of them gets invited to lots of fun shit even though they mostly hate the people that invite them and the other it honestly isn't his fault but i'm still mad about it. i'm talking to a guy that he rejected and all that fucking guy ever does is talk about trying to get back with that friend with me. like i'm not even an option to him. and yes its not my friends fault for that he's just a shitty guy that likely wants nudes and nothing else but it's still like.... shut up this is my tumblr i get to whine about my issues here. he already chose to fuck around with another different (might i add skinnier) girl and you know what? they're both awful so they're perfect for each other.

should i kill myself be honest

[gffa]

My latest five star pulls and the frustrating thing is that I haven’t had time or energy to build any of them properly, but OH MY GOD MY LUCK, because it went like this: - Kokomi was guaranteed and took a bit, but I had the primos and I wanted her, because I suck at dodging on mobile, so I need a good healer.  It’s a pain to collect all those pearls for her, but I’m looking forward to having her built!  She’s fun to run around as and I like putting her with Ayato for the hydro bonus! - THEN:  Oh, hey, Cyno seems like a fun electro DPS character, I’ll half-seriously pull for him, since I like the smashy smashy characters!  I got him at like 60 or 70 pity, but at least I won the 50/50!  I start building him, no real solid artifacts yet, but the real problem is those scarabs.  It’s made harder by that I’m way behind on quests, so I can’t get at any of the underground ones, which means just getting the above ground ones every other day.  This is exhaustingly slow.  I am ready to scream about those fucking scarabs. - THEN:  While I’m working on Cyno, everyone is raving about Nahida, so might as well try for her, since I’m still collecting primos from Sumeru and these quests and can afford it.  I got her early at 40 or 45!  AND I won the 50/50 again!  NICE.  She is ADORABLE and I LOVE HER and I’m working on her last ascension, the gem farming is exhausting, the artifact farming is even worse, but at least I can get those lotus flowers pretty easily.  She is SO MUCH FUN to run around as, I have almost completely stopped being a Eula main just because I want to run around with her + Raiden Shogun. - THEN:  Well, since I’ve got the primos, might as well start building pity, since I don’t really need/want Yoimiya, but she might be fun.  Or maybe I’ll pull on Nahida’s banner, her C2 constellation is supposed to be really good.  I might lose the 50/50 and I really want the Wanderer, so I should start building pity now.  AT FIFTEEN I GET JEAN COMING HOME.  I HAVE WANTED JEAN FOREVER, PRETTY MUCH SINCE I STARTED PLAYING THE GAME.  JEAN IS A PRECIOUS BB AND I LOVE HERRRRR.  I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BUILD HER BUT I LOVE HER??? NOW:  I am sitting on a guarantee, though, who knows how far into pity I’ll have to go, but I have time to save up since I already have Yae Miko and Childe.  I don’t know if I’ll even pull on either banner for Layla (despite that I like having at least one of all 4* characters), because I REALLY want Wanderer. Anyway, between these four and that Kazuha still isn’t fully built with decent artifacts and that I want to build my Keqing finally and that I sometimes barely just get my dailies + resin used up because I don’t have a lot of energy for the game, in a way it’s frustrating, but it’s also fun, there’s that feeling of “There’s so much to do!” that I miss from when I first started playing the game. So, how’s everyone else’s game going?

[goodgirlofglory]

A hairy situation / One-shot

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Word count: 4,3k

Warnings: 18+, Explicit sexual content, Explicit language, smut, oral (m/f recieving), slight fingering, hair pulling, pubic hair pulling, pubic hair!kink, dirty talk, fluffy dirty talk, slight soft dom!Steve, some standard fluff in there too.

Summary: You usually keep yourself neatly shaved for when Steve returns from missions, but this time things change and you find yourself with a full blown bush by the time Steve’s about to remove your pants. His reaction is quite different from what you expected (*wink* *wink*) …

Author’s note: This has not been proofread by anyone but me, so all the mistakes are mine<3 Hope you enjoy<3

The warm water ran down your back as your hand absentmindedly caressed your naked stomach. Nowadays the shower was the only relief for your touch-starved body.

Usually, Steve would be gone for about three months when on missions. This one was bordering on four, and he had warned you the prognosis was five. You were already wallowing in self pity, your body practically humming with built up arousal at being left untouched for so long.

Only a month left, only a month left, only a month left...

Your hand found your mound and started playing in the curls that were adorning it. An impressive mop of dark curls had grown there during your months of loneliness, and you had now grown quite used to feeling the soft hair between your fingers. 

Usually you kept yourself bald except for a neatly trimmed triangle or heart above your slit - one time you even managed to make a circle with a star in the middle, which had made Steve both cringe, blush and laugh his eyes out at the same time. 

He’d fucked you all the same though, quite fervently too if memory served you right.

Now, however, you had let the razor lie for a while and suddenly you were sporting the bush of a 60’s hippie.

You quite enjoyed it, and would actually miss it somewhat when you’d shave it upon Steve’s return.

Steve always gave you a heads up when he returned from missions. Several actually. Usually he would call once he had landed at the compound, so he could hear your voice and how happy you became once you realized he was back. 

Then he would text once he had debriefed, showered and was leaving the compound, and then again once he had reached your apartment complex, mostly because he couldn’t help his excitement. 

That last text was usually just a heart emoji (you had laboured hard to teach him texting - especially emoji use - so those hearts were particularly satisfying).

So you always had plenty of time to clean the apartment up a bit, shower (and shave), dress in something sexy and maybe even light some candles and put on some sweet 30’s jazz (a special treat for Steve).

That’s why you weren’t stressing about letting your hair grow out down there, it would simply take a bit longer to shave once you got the notice from Steve.

Which would be a month away at least.

God

You stepped out of the shower, got dressed and left for work, ready to throw yourself into your tasks at the gallery in order to distract yourself from your misery. Maybe you’d even get some Ben and Jerry’s on your way home.

§

You struggled to push through the front door with your work bag on one arm and a bag of groceries (Ben and Jerry’s included) on the other. That’s when you noticed the music softly playing from the living room. Weird, you didn’t remember leaving the radio on…

When you’d closed the door and shook off your shoes, you noticed the distinct smell of your honey and rose body soap lingering in the air. There was no way that had kept since your shower this morning. Something was amiss...

You barely begun to feel anxious when a large pair of hands clasped around your face and a pair of familiar lips crushed onto yours. Your yelp was muffled by the passionate kiss, and a second later your mind caught up and you realized. 

It was Steve! There, in your apartment, his tongue sliding passed your lips and into your mouth as it opened willingly for him. 

The bag of groceries fell to the ground along with your bag and you flung your arms around his neck as he whipped his hands around the back of your thighs and hoisted them up to wrap around his slim hips in one, smooth movement.

You broke away from the kiss with a gleeful squeal. 

“You’re here!?” You were dumbfounded in your joy. 

“I couldn’t stay away from my best girl any longer,” he responded with a smile, pushing you up against the front door.  

“But I didn’t get a call! Or a text. Or even a heart emoji,” you said, more incredulous than anything else. It was a wonderful surprise that caught you completely off guard, blizz surging through your body. 

“Yeah, I wanted to surprise you, actually see you when you got the news for once. I had the team do the debriefing on the jet so they could drop me off here directly,” he said as he leaned in for another kiss. “Totally worth it to see your reaction,” he said against your lips, and laughed when you slapped his chest.

“You scared me, you asshole,” you exclaimed, but you were laughing with him.

“Sorry,” he answered as he kissed his way down your jaw and onto your neck, warm hands squeezing your thighs. He didn’t sound sorry at all, teeth nipping at your pulse point, drawing a tiny gasp from your lips.

Touch-starved indeed. 

Your mind started to fog over with a wave of arousal as you started to feel down his back. The muscles rippled under your fingertips, and you raked your nails back up to his neck, eliciting a quiet groan from his throat. 

That’s when you noticed he was completely nude except for a rather tiny towel around his hips.

“You showered here? And you used my body soap?” you asked.

“I had to shower, I don’t think you could have handled the smell. Three months undercover in the Croatian black market, the last three weeks on a pig farm in the countryside. Plus, your body soap reminds me of you. Got me hard just smelling it,” he said, letting you down on your feet again as he started ripping off your layers of clothing, breath coming out in pants.

Hard indeed, you thought, as you looked down to see the tiny towel struggle against the tent at the front. 

Instinctively, you reached for it, throwing the towel off as he threw your jacket and scarf aside, grasping his hard cock in one hand, feeling how hot and heavy it was in your palm.

He threw his head back and let out a shuddering breath, hands loosely wrapped around your neck as you gave an experimental tug. He seemed pretty much as touch-starved as you. 

There was a reason you reacted so quickly once you got the heads up. Aggression, stress, adrenaline plus his enhanced physique usually meant a lot of pent up energy needed release once Steve got back from missions. You had no qualm at all being the vessel through which that energy was released. Steve would put you through the mattress two to three times during the first night back, and you absolutely fucking loved it. And you loved him, and were pretty sure he loved you back.

“I love you,” he muttered against your lips as he started pushing you towards the bedroom, your hand still wrapped around his cock, pulling at it slowly as leakage began to spring forth at the tip. Your mouth watered at the sight. 

“I missed you, I need you. Now,” he continued, voice breathy as his eyes gazed sweetly into your own. Your breath caught in your throat at the piercing blue. 

“God, Steve, you have no idea how much I’ve longed for you,” you heard yourself saying, emotion washing over you almost making you whimper. You still couldn’t believe he was here, a whole month before time!

The back of your knees hit the bed and he gently pushed you down onto your back, hands going straight for your pants when you froze.

Shit. A month before time. Fuck

Without the heads up you hadn’t had the opportunity to shave. You hadn’t even gotten your bag off your shoulder before he had practically thrown himself over you in the hallway.

You had no idea what this would mean to Steve. Would it be a turn off? Did women sport bushes in the 40’s? Had he even seen a woman’s pussy before he went in the ice?

The thought of this moment being ruined sparked a panic in your mind and your hands shot up to grab Steve’s wrists as he was undoing the button of your pants. 

His hands stilled and he gave you a confused look. 

“What is it?” he asked, concerned.

You gave a strained smile and bit your lips as you stared into his curious eyes. Why were you suddenly being so unsure of yourself? This was Steve, you could say anything to Steve!

“You know, since you were a month early, and didn’t text before you came over...I didn’t have time to...freshen up...down there,” you said slowly and gestured awkwardly to your crotch.

He huffed a laughter. 

“Honey, you know I love the way you taste. Just let me get these off you,” he said confidently as he undid your sipper swiftly and started to tug at the waistband of your trousers.

“It’s not that,” you said, again stopping his hands mid-movement.

You took a deep breath.

“I haven’t shaved...in four months...so it’s kinda...bushy” you said, averting your eyes in embarrassment. 

This was truly uncharted territory, seeing how you couldn’t even keep eye contact. This was the man who’d had his whole tongue up your ass. 

“Oh” he said, surprised, though there was a hint of curiosity in it. 

His eyes grew wider as he stared at your pant clad crotch, hands still on the waist band. His tongue darted out to wet his lower lip as he focused intently on the space between your legs. You couldn’t read his expression, he didn’t seem to know exactly what he was feeling himself.

Then he slowly pulled your pants down your legs and threw them on the floor. He sat down on his knees in front of the bed and pulled at your thighs with ease until your butt was right at the edge. He never let his eyes away from your crotch, you watching him intently.

When his eyes darted up to meet yours, they were dilated to the point where only a small rim of blue shone around the black pools of...lust?

“You’ve grown a whole forest for me, have you?” he asked, voice suddenly gone dark and ruff, and he looked back down between your legs. 

You tiny lace thong concealed your slit and puckered back entrance, but not much more. On all sides of the light purple fabric was wild, dark hair, some even springing forth through the lace. You thought it was actually quite a pretty sight, but was still holding out on the verdict from Steve. 

He let a finger trail the hair that was growing on one side of your panties, and a hum rang through his chest. That seemed like something you could recognize. It was a hum of approval. Of appreciation almost.

He took one of the curls sticking out of the lace between his fingers and pulled lightly. The tugging sensation provoked a gasp from you, and the responding grunt from Steve’s lips caught both of you off guard. Your eyes met briefly in surprise, before you both returned your focus to your hairy core.

You were starting to understand his reaction now, intrigued. Reaching down, you tugged your panties to the side, letting him see your slit and the puckered lips between the two mops of hair. 

His breath came out harder as he spread his fingers through the hair before pulling at the lips, spreading them open to reveal your weeping hole and red clit, swollen and needy for attention. Without another word, Steve leaned in and gave a swipe of his tongue up the entire length of your slit, and you moaned at the pleasure that bolted through your core. 

He started licking and sucking at your leaking sex like a man starved (which he to some degree was), hands gripping your hips and holding you down as you sqiurmed at the stimulation. 

As he worked you, you threw your shirt off along with your bra, and his hands automatically reached up to your breasts as you lay back down on your back. Deftly, he rolled and pinched your hardening nipples with coarse fingertips, all while lapping at your clit with quick and wet expertise. He moaned into your core, sending a shiver up your spine and you started to rock your hips against his face in rhythm with his licks. 

You knew you wouldn't need long tonight, and when Steve pulled his right hand down and slipped two fingers right into your cunt, he only needed to curl his fingers a couple of times before you came undone, back arching and lips open in a silent scream as you came, convulsing around his fingers. He languidly licked you through your orgasm, groaning into your wet heat as you relaxed back down on the mattress, breath ragged. 

He removed his fingers from within you, and you lamented the absence. He put the fingers in his mouth, sucking greedily on the digits. He kept your eyes in a locked gaze as he moaned at the taste, and you whimpered at his unabashedness. 

“You taste so good, baby,” he said between licking the residue of your orgasm of his knuckles. 

America’s golden boy was such a dirty bastard in bed, and you couldn’t help your proud giggle at being the one who unleashed his inner beast. 

His eyes went back to your quivering cunt and he let his fingertips gently play at your entrance. You didn’t quite understand where he was going with the gesture, but didn’t mind at all. He looked on entranced as he moved his fingers around your weeping hole, and you looked at him.

“God, what a sight,” he whispered, almost to himself. “Such pretty, wet curls”.

Your cheeks flushed and you let out another giggle. His attention drew to your face, and he laughed as well as you hid your face in the crook of your elbow. He raised himself to his feet and crawled over you on the bed.

“What?” he asked, smiling from ear to ear as you giggled again.

He was so darn cute, and still rock hard, his engorged length brushing against your inner thigh.

Instead of answering, you lifted your head up and caught his lips in a kiss. Enthusiastically, he threw himself into it, gasping when you took his bottom lip between your teeth and sucked lightly. A shiver went through him, a near pornographic groan leaving his throat. 

Oh he was on tonight 

You couldn’t wait to taste him. To feel his throbbing cock stretch your mouth, salty on your tongue. 

You gently pushed at his chest, and he let you roll him over on his back. Lord knows you would never be able to move him without his help, but you both liked the feeling of you being in charge. 

He watched you intently with those breathtaking blue eyes as you slithered down his body, laying wet kisses to his strapping chest, dipping your tongue into every divot of his abs. He let out these wonderful, small gasps every so often, his hands going into fists at his sides. 

You wasted no time when you reached his cock, only licking once at the small drop of clear fluid sitting at the tip before taking the purple head into your mouth, sucking lightly. 

Steve let out a strangled moan and threw his head back, eyes falling closed. 

"Oh my god, baby, that's it," he panted.

Spurred on by his words, you started to work your head up and down his throbbing length, pushing him further in each time. When he hit the back of your throat, you pushed through your need to gag and swallowed around him. 

He groaned, a deep, vibrating sound that went straight to your core like a lightning bolt. 

You felt his hands on the back of your head as he held you in place.

Yes, yes, yes, you thought through your body's surge for air. 

Tears pricked at your eyes as your throat convulsed around him, and Steve called out in that stern and commanding voice above you. 

"Look at me" 

And you did. His heavy brow furrowed, cheeks flushed and lips red, swollen and slightly parted. He was a vision and your cunt clamped around nothing, screaming for attention. 

He gripped a fistful of hair and dragged your face off his cock. Your ragged breath ripped out as oxygen finally found your lounges, long strings of saliva connecting your mouth to his red and angry cock. 

You could feel him losing control of himself in the way his look darkened, his muscles twitching. You eagerly anticipated it. He gripped your jaw and slammed his mouth to yours, spit and precum mingling between you in an open and obscene kiss that was mostly tongue.

He drew you up to straddle his waist with the hand on your jaw and you eagerly obeyed his manhandling. 

You splayed one hand on his chest, while the other reached between you to grab his cock and lining it to your entrance. He let his hands glide up your thighs and settle on each ass cheek as he spread them slightly. 

You locked eyes with him as you felt his tip breach you, forcing your flesh to yield to his massive girth. 

A groan escaped his gritted teeth.

As you tried to lower yourself though, you felt his hands holding you put, not letting you move a centimeter.

You looked down at him, and you saw him smugly cock a brow at your obvious frustration. A needy whine escaped you. 

"Tell me what you need, baby," he commanded, almost encouraged. 

The cocky bastard was getting off on denying you, enjoying torturing you. 

You secretly loved it. 

"Come on, baby, tell me. What do you need?" 

You knew the questions applied to more than just the serious fucking you craved that moment, and had craved for months now. 

"I need you," you whispered, staring into his intense eyes. 

He moved you with ease a few inches down on his cock, relishing in your gasp as he stretched you so sweetly. 

"Tell me how you feel about me," he demanded, keeping you pinned in place as you squirmed in his grip. 

You whimpered in your desperation to be filled. 

"I love you, Steve. I love your face, your tongue, your cock. Even your sadistic pleasure at torturing me like this," you gritted out, nails digging into his chest. 

He groaned at your words and pushed you down on his cock in one swift motion until he bottomed out inside you. 

You struggled to take in air as he kept you put with his hands on your hips, the new torture not being able to get away.

He looked on, eyes hooded as you gripped him like a vice. 

"That's it, baby. You need this, you need me. You love me. You’re so good at taking me, swallowing me so greedily," he kept repeating as he rocked you slowly on him, waiting for you to adjust. 

"Yes,” you repeated breathily as you started moving your hips in tandem with his hands. Soon he removed them, letting them hover over your waist as you moved on your own, riding him harder and harder. 

You started riding in earnest, slamming yourself down on his cock as the squelching sounds of your arousal filled the room. 

“Fuck,” he exclaimed. Your chest swelled with pride.

His eyebrows started to raise in a telling way that made you think you were actually gonna make him come, and you moaned at the prospect.

That's when he caught you by surprise, sitting up and flipping you over so you were under him, remaining inside you the entire time. 

He wasted no time before he was pounding into you, the bed protesting the vigorous movement underneath, you encouraging it above. 

He threw one of your legs on his shoulder, sitting up on his knees to get that angle that always made you see stars. 

And boy, was he right on cue. His cock punched right onto your sweet spot and you arched your back, cunt involuntarily squeezing him. 

"G-god," you choked out, hands clasping at his thighs, feeling how his taunt, bulging muscles moved under your touch as he fucked into your yielding body, bringing you closer to the edge with every thrust.

You looked up at his face, and saw how his hand reached around your thigh to ghost above your lower abdomen, seemingly contemplating.

You were right on the edge, vision blurred, sweat on your forehead as you looked on. 

That's when he ran his fingers through the hair on the top of your mound and closed his fist around it. He took in a sharp, shuddering gasp and his movement faltered for a moment. His brows raised again. 

His hand tugged harshly at your pubic hair and to your utter surprise, your orgasm exploded within you, your mouth opening in a small whine as your body went rigid. 

Steve groaned deep in his chest before his eyes rolled back. His hand tugged harder on the fistful of hair, sparking your prolonged orgasm with a painful sting. 

He gave a few, deep thrusts as his own release coursed through him and into you, filling you up with four months worth of pent up juice. 

Through your haze you squeezed his thighs lovingly, nails digging into the skin. He was so goddamn, fucking beautiful. 

Steve released his grip on your hair and let his softening cock slip out of you. He collapsed beside you on the bed, one massive, hot hand on your thigh to keep you connected.

You had early on learned that The Captain's love language was touch, and he would usually keep himself physically connected with you at all times during the first 24 hours back from missions - to your varying delight.

You lay there, listening to your pants as you came down from your high. It was all so strange, and all so good. 

You turned your head towards him, taking in his glorious side profile with his straight and imposing nose, strong chin and ruff stubble, piercing blue eyes concealed by pale eyelids and a flutter of thick, long eyelashes. 

“I gather the bush wasn’t a problem?” you teased.

The way he had reacted to it had been anything other than what you expected. You thought maybe you’d get some mild discomfort, some awkwardness and then just ignoring it all together. 

Not ...that. 

You mound still stung a bit from his harsh tugging at the end there.

He smiled and turned to meet your eyes, cheeks slightly pink. 

“You gathered right,” he said, and averted his eyes in the cutest way possible. You rolled onto his chest and made him look you in the eyes. His hands found your back and started stroking a couple of fingers lightly up and down your spine.

“Where did that come from? If I’d known you’d react like that, I would have grown it out a long time ago!”

He laughed.

“If I’d known, I would have let you know a long time ago. Everyone I’ve been with before you sported the same...baldness as you normally do. And it’s not like I saw a lot og nude dames back in the day, ya know.”

Ah, that answered that question

As your thoughts lingered on his response, he saw his opportunity to grab the back of your head and bring you in for a sweet kiss. Starving and deprived, the kiss soon turned heated, and his tongue effortlessly slid into your mouth as you moaned at the intrusion. 

You broke the kiss before it became too consuming, earning a disappointed pout from Steve as you quickly threw yourself from the bed. You pointed a finger at him.

“No, no, no, I am going to shower before you go any further, mister!”

He raised his hands in defense at your tone, but a smirk was playing at his lips. 

“Plus, I think I need to shave a bit, don’t you?” you asked innocently.

Before you knew it, he had rushed forward, grabbed your wrist and waist and hoisted you back on the bed, effectively pinning you under his weight, one wrist in each hand at the side of your face. You felt your body humming with energy at his power demonstration.

“You’re not going to shave a goddamn thing,” he said matter-of-factly, though there was a playful tone to his voice. 

You giggled at his words, which turned into a gasp as he leaned down and nipped at your neck.

“Do I need to go down there and remind you who you belong to? Eat your wet and hairy pussy like cream, taste my stain as it leaks out of you?” he rasped in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine and right to your core. The dirtier side of your Captain still took you by surprise sometimes.

Then your eyes flashed open as realization hit you. Cream.

“Oh my god, Ben and Jerry!” you shouted as you pushed at your restraint, and Steve, ever the intuitive, let you go immediately when he understood the moodshift.

You darted out of the bed and sprinted from the room.

“That better not be someone you're expecting,” Steve called from the room, and you couldn’t control your laugh as you bounded for the discarded grocery bag in the hallway.

As if...

Author’s note: This was my first one-shot, and a hell of a lot of fun. I don’t really remember where the whole pubic hair!kink-idea came from, but once it entered my mind, I couldn’t get it out until it hit the paper. I just imagine Steve being a real lover of natural bodies and natural body hair, ya feel<3 Thanks for reading, love you<3

[heliads]

Radio Silence Chapter Five: Can You Hear Me Now?

Poe Dameron has been assigned to work as an intel receiver to Acer, a Resistance recon agent. They’ve only ever talked through the comms, so when she’s captured by First Order troops he assumes she’s lost forever. When Poe accidentally rescues the absolutely infuriating Resistance spy Y/N L/N from a First Order Star Destroyer, he knows she’s got nothing do with with Acer. Right?

previous / series masterlist / next

What does he do now? What in all the stars is Poe supposed to do now?

Poe checks with another flight officer, two hanger clearance workers, and a recon lieutenant. All of them say the exact same thing: Y/N L/N left on a mission two standard hours ago. Yes, she’ll be going to the Core Worlds. Yes, they are aware that the mission will be dangerous. No, they cannot promise that she will be alright.

The worst part is that there’s this gnawing sensation of guilt that won’t leave him. When Acer was first captured, Poe had felt terrible, but there was nothing he could have done differently to save her. He had been stranded on the other side of the galaxy, and he didn’t even know her name or where she was held. Now, on the other hand, Poe can picture the cheekily grinning face of Y/N L/N, bloodied from wounds and staggering through the corridors of a First Order base. 

Some part of him almost thinks that this was his fault, that if he hadn’t blown up at her for not telling him she was Acer she might have stayed. Poe knows this couldn’t be true, that she’d been training for this mission almost since she had gotten back, but the shard of guilt still stays locked away inside of him, stopping Poe from forgetting about her. It is a little true, isn’t it? If Poe had never opened that crate and he hadn’t taken out that data file, he never would have known. He wouldn’t have been filled with that same anger and betrayal, and he wouldn’t have yelled at Y/N for keeping it a secret. 

What would have happened then? Would she have told him before she left, or would it stay a secret? At any rate, they would have had a better goodbye then the broken one in the hall. Poe can still feel regret burning up inside of him- Y/N had been minutes away from the riskiest mission in her life, and instead of making her smile one last time, Poe had ripped away any possibility of peace.

Y/N’s mission will likely last a week or two. It isn’t another spy reassignment, it’s an excursion into the Core Worlds. The roles have switched, and now it is Y/N foraying into First Order territory to rescue a recon officer, most likely managing to steal some plans for the newly built First Order battleships and armored cruisers while she’s there. It wouldn’t surprise him- Y/N has had a knack for gathering intel, a trait that had served her well during her undercover work as Acer. Poe can only hope that she’ll be able to stay alive during this mission as well.

Poe does his best to keep his stress under wraps, but evidently he’s not doing a great job of hiding his emotions because he’s approached by a commanding officer a few days into Y/N’s assignment. Leia, thank the suns, has taken pity on him and allowed him access to the command room where all details of the mission will be broadcasted. As Poe walks through the doors, he takes in the navscreen readouts and officers speaking into comlinks, checking in on the pilots and allies who could be in contact with Y/N’s team.

His attention, however, is drawn to the center of the room, where a large circular table displays holo footage from the mission. There’s a live map, allowing Leia to track the progress of Y/N’s team through the Core Worlds. This is the best information they have on the team- other than the comlinks, it was too dangerous to be in contact any further. This close to the First Order, any errant comms channels could be picked up on their scanners.

Poe keeps making excuses to drop by the room and see what’s happening. He doesn’t do anything unless asked directly, just stands in a corner and watches the proceedings. He can feel eyes occasionally flickering over him, officers surely wondering why Poe is this focused on an  important but unrelated mission. Poe doesn’t say anything, just watches and makes sure Y/N is still okay. After the days begin to pass, the eyes stop watching him and he blends back into the background.

One day, Poe swings by the command center on his way back from meeting with his X-Wing squadron to find the room in a state of utter panic. Everyone looks frantic, with a cluster of people huddled around the central table speaking hurried commands into the comms. Poe jogs up to Leia, who is staring anxiously at the readout in front of them. “What’s going on?” Leia gestures towards the map in front of them, which shows Y/N’s ship. Usually, the vessel is rendered as a simple white dot, but now it is blinking a furious red.

“They were attacked by a group of First Order soldiers on the ground. They managed to get into space and take off, but they were surrounded by fighters. The ship has been hit pretty hard, and they’re having trouble steering. They have been able to get away from the enemy ships, but there’s no telling whether or not they’ll be able to make it. The ship is falling apart as we speak.” Leia says, her knuckles clenched around the edge of the table. Poe’s pulse feels like it’s skyrocketing. They’ve been attacked already?

There’s a shaking command officer standing across the table from Poe, speaking to someone over the comms. With a rush, Poe realizes he’s speaking to Y/N, trying to give her instructions on how to fix the ship. From the tone of the man’s voice, it isn’t going well. Leia notices this as well. “Ervann, you’re supposed to be talking her through it, not raising her stress level.” The man- Ervann- looks up, face harried. “I’m doing my best. I don’t know what to do, so many systems are down on the ship.”

Poe’s jaw clenches. He can’t just sit back and watch Y/N go down, not if he can do something. Poe rushes around to the side of the table with the comms, forcing Ervann to the side. “Let me do this.” He flips on the comms system once more. “Y/N, you still read us? It’s me.” He doesn’t have to say anything more, not a name, not a call sign. Y/N knows who he is. “Yeah, I read you.” Poe nods. “What’s wrong with the ship?” He can hear her sigh in a rush of static. “You might want to ask me what’s working, I think that will be faster. We sustained heavy fire from the fighters and a lot of parts are down. No shields, electric power is flickering, and oh- we lost an engine.”

Poe starts. “You lost an entire engine?” In the background of the comms, he can hear warning lights from Y/N’s end. “Yeah, the left engine. Shot away.” Poe takes a deep breath, trying to visualize everything in the ship. “Alright, let’s get to work. You’re in a Solarbeam, right? That means your failsafe systems should be pretty good. There’s a lever on the console, probably under the hyperspace controls. Turn it on, and force your power to balance unevenly, hinging on the left. 60-40, a little more for the left engine.”

There’s the sound of whirring machinery, and then Y/N’s voice comes back on the line. “Done.” Poe taps his fingers absentmindedly on the table in front of him. “Alright, good work. Now leave the cockpit and head over to the side of the ship. You’ll want to disengage the fuel rods to the left engine so it doesn’t blow up on you.” Poe can hear a slight grin in Y/N’s voice. “That would be less good, yes.”

Poe can’t help but smirk. “Hey, this is important work. Nothing like that trick with the couplings, anyone could do that.” He can practically see Y/N before him, her jaw dropping in mock horror. “Excuse me, you were very impressed when I knew about that. You were stunned, in fact.” Poe shrugs. “You only knew about that from me, so it’s okay.” Y/N laughs, the sound crackling into static as it runs through the air. “You’re insufferable. Get somebody else on the line to help me.”

Poe rolls his eyes. “Nobody else knows your ship like I do. You need me.” Y/N groans. “It’s the return of Mr. Know-It-All Mechanic. Well, bravo to you for being such a genius.” Poe snorts. “That’s a terrible joke. I thought you were supposed to be an ace at this.” Y/N laughs. “And you think I’m bad? That was class-A terrible.”

Poe feels a quiet smile deepen across his face when he hears her laugh. He hadn’t intended on speaking to her at all during the mission, too sure that she wouldn’t want to hear from him. Yet when he had been standing there, listening to the panic growing in her voice as she spoke to Ervann, Poe knew he had to do something. He couldn’t stay silent in a moment like that. Hearing her laugh now makes Poe’s shoulders finally sink with relief. They can handle the repairs now, the two of them. They’re alright again.

Poe stays on the line for another hour, talking Y/N through the ship repairs. At last, she’s able to get the battered Solarbeam cruiser to limp back to a safe planet, where she’ll be able to buy more parts and have less of a chance of blowing up on impact. They say their goodbyes, and then the line clicks off once more. Poe leans his arms up against the table, spent. He’d been running on adrenaline for so long that even just talking about the repairs was exhausting. Poe has no idea how Y/N was managing, but a bubble of pride is still rising through him at the thought of it.

Poe looks up, realizing the area at the central table is silent. Leia is watching him with something that looks almost like a knowing smile, which worries him. Ervann raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t expect all that. I thought you hated her.” Poe straightens up, heading towards the door. “I’m not heartless. Not when it comes to her.” 

The mission continues. The days progress. Although Y/N’s team still gets into a couple of scrapes, nothing is as bad as that one incident, so Poe can continue to breathe normally. He still checks the command center at least once per day, but he’s never seen that level of panic again, which is good. He knows Y/N has an uncanny knack for making it out of tough situations, he just hopes she doesn’t keep having to prove it.

Just when Poe is finally looking forward to Y/N’s imminent arrival back at the base, the lights on the command center’s holoscreen start flickering, flashing in and out of existence. Poe’s eyes widen from his corner of the room, and he watches as Leia hurries over to a nearby comlink. “L/N, what’s going on?” When Y/N responds, her voice is weak, as if the signal on her end of the comms is dipping in and out of focus. “Not much… I can’t hear… You’re breaking up…” Y/N’s end of the line disappears in a shower of static, and then no other sounds come from the comms.

On the screen in front of them, the small dot designating Y/N’s ship vanishes one last time. Around them, tech crews scramble to patch back the comms channel or get any hold on the ship, but nothing happens. Leia’s brow furrows. “She mentioned that they were having problems with their comms systems. I don’t think we’ll be able to access them for the rest of their return journey.” Poe stiffens. “You mean she’s permanently cut off? What if something happens?” Leia fixes her gaze on him. “Then we wait.”

Waiting, as it turns out, is one of the most painful parts of this entire process. They have no way of knowing where Y/N’s ship is at all, if it’s still moving. The day for their expected arrival comes and goes, with no sign of them at all. Resistance scanners pick up word of increased First Order air traffic, and some skirmishes at the edge of the airspace. No one says what they’re all thinking, which is that the First Order wouldn’t come this far over unless they were following a potential threat. If Y/N’s ship was under fire again and it sustained more injury, it could go down entirely. This time, Poe can’t reach her to help. Y/N and her team are on their own. 

Three days have passed since the expected arrival. Three days of gnawing, suffocating fear that blocks out any other rational thought in Poe’s mind. He practically lives in the command center along with Leia and the other command officers, glued to that navscreen in the hopes that something will happen and they’ll be able to reach Y/N’s team once more. Nothing happens, and Poe can feel his nerves growing with every hour.

At last, on the fourth day, a hanger operator bursts into the room. All eyes turn to her, and she stands there for a moment, panting after the exertion of having run across the base. “There’s a ship in the hanger. It’s a Solarbeam, one that couldn’t respond to our comms. We think it might be them.” Poe’s head snaps up, and he isn’t aware that he’s running back through the corridors until he looks around and realizes where he is. Poe isn’t alone- the other command officers are pacing hurriedly beside him. No one says a word, terrified to break the fragile silence and somehow dispel the hope that Y/N’s team has returned.

The ship in the hanger is battered and broken. It’s a minor miracle that it managed to land at all. Poe’s eye catches on the left side, where an engine appears far newer than the one on the right. Y/N mentioned that the ship was missing an engine, so if she managed to get it fixed then this could be her. The access ramp opens with a shower of sparks and creaking metal. One figure limps down, clutching the railing. Poe can see a dingy bandage wrapped around his leg, evidence of a blaster shot. 

A second figure appears, walking down to support the first. There’s a pause, and Poe finds that his pulse is pounding in his head. Where is she- why is no one else coming out? Finally, a pair of scuffed military-grade boots appear at the boarding ramp, and a third figure descends from the ship. Poe feels his gaze lock on her. Y/N L/N is looking fairly worse for wear. There are the shadows of bruises lining her arms, and there are several blood-laced scrapes on her face. Yet she still looks utterly whole, the person he’s been wanting to see for days.

Y/N steps down from the ship, shaking hands with excited Resistance workers and nodding a greeting to Leia. She makes her way through the crowd, leaving the command officers behind to examine the other two members of her team. All of a sudden, she’s standing in front of him, her eyes at last meeting his. Poe has been waiting for this moment for a long time, yet now that she’s here, he has no idea what to say. Does he apologize, tell her that he was wrong to be so upset? Does he congratulate her on the success of the mission?

When Poe looks up, he realizes he’s kissing her. One hand is pressed against the small of her back, drawing her close. When he breaks away, she’s staring at him, and for a second Poe thinks he’s really done the wrong thing and she’ll hate him for the rest of his life. Then she leans forward and kisses him back, and Poe finds that he doesn’t care about anything else. Not the surprised looks of the hanger operators around them, or the whistles from that distinctly useless Ervann. The only thing that matters is Y/N right in front of him. This is far more eloquent than words, isn’t it?

radio silence tag list: @kesskirata​, @ubri812​, @itsnottilly​, @20th-centu-fairy-girl​, @imabeautifulbutterfly​, @cp11​, @chocolitelady​

[ziracona]

[Very excited for the next bit & hopefully life quits kicking my butt soon so I can get it done. Anyway, an update.]

The Kid (pt: 1, … 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, ?) [Fate Grand Order AU]

Adrenaline pumping so fast I think I might puke, my hand is already up and I’m halfway to shouting Billy’s name to summon him when the door opens again.

I stop, unused command seal on my lips, and stare as it shuts again and locks, then opens quick. It. OH.

I feel my face on fire as it clicks. I am so glad no one was here to see this. It must automatically lock—must have been locking every time it shut. The pattern is just repeating again, and I couldn’t see the lock from the other side.

Okay. Okay… I make myself take a long, deep breath. You’re okay.

It’s…funny. I wasn’t scared at all until I was alone, and now I’m…completely freaked, I think. …Maybe I was scared before, too, but not like this. It’s okay. You can call for help if you need it. You know they’re all depending on you, so you have to do a good job. You can do this, Ritsuka. Come on1

Right. So. I’m okay. Whoever opened the door is not trying to lock me in, as far as I know anyway. Why did they call me?

Remembering I haven’t, I turn and look at the room behind me. It’s lit, but only dimly. It…kind of looks like a hospital room? But. An old one, and not a very nice one. Like they do in movies from earlier times. There’s almost…a replica of a room? Built into the middle of this one. It’s…like in Mission Impossible movies, when they finish tricking someone and pull down the walls and it wasn’t really a hotel room at all. There’s two windows, and I can’t exactly see what’s in the room from where I am, but I can tell that whoever is in there is seeing little medical set pieces left outside them. This is weird.

It's…way more elaborate than any of the others have been. That seems really strange. Are they actually trying to trick whoever is in there?

I can’t think of another reason to do this.

And there is someone in there, right? There’s gotta be. Or, why would I be getting a call for help? So, a heroic spirit, in a really weird death trap? One that is tricking them into thinking they’re somewhere else. That’s…meaner, somehow, I think. I feel a pang in my chest at the guesses I’m making in my head. I hate this—I hate all of this. I just can’t understand why they’re doing it at all. It’s all been bad since that moment I first saw Billy from across a room, but I really can’t get the way the Lancer looked out of my head. I keep wondering how it would feel to be alive and see your guts hanging out on the ground, and I hate that thought—it makes me sick imagining it, but I can’t stop. And he did—he lived that for real! Minutes ago. Minutes ago, he was hanging there with his guts on the ground and a pole through his stomach. He felt all of that, all of it. For he said two and a half days. I…I can’t even…begin to imagine…

And. ...The other thing is, I also keep thinking that none of the spirits liked it, when they saw him like that, but, none of them seemed really…surprised. I wonder. …I wonder if that means this isn’t so different from other things that happen to them. I. I really hope it is—I hope this is nothing like what normally happens, and I’m just making a big deal of nothing in my head. I hope the worst of it is being bossed around and made to fight, because that’s bad enough. But.

I…might not be experienced, but. I’m not stupid. And…I know it’s more than that…

I know it’s worse…

Okay. Come on. Time for this later. Get moving! It’s about them and you want to help them, so let’s go—let’s help! You got this.

Shaking myself internally, I give the stuff around me a quick glance. First thing, better let the person opening the door know they can stop—that’ll eventually draw attention. Whoever it is can’t see me, in Robin’s cloak, and I’m a little afraid to take it off, so…

Settling on a nearby medical cabinet prop, I walk over and open one of the drawers a few times. It works. Whoever it is might not see me, but they can sure see the ghost cabinet, and they take the hint. The door closes and stays shut, which…is unsettling, but. I pretty much just asked for them to do that, so. It’s probably okay. And if anything seems off, I can call for backup. Whoever is out there asked for my help, though, so I’m gonna believe that was sincere until I have proof otherwise, and I’m gonna try.

Turning, I go slowly towards the little mock room ahead, and hesitate at the door. It doesn’t have a window, but it has an old-fashioned keyhole, so I stoop and peer inside. It’s not a good angle, but I can make out a hospital bed in there, with a body on it. I think their eyes are open, but they’re perfectly still. There’s something unsettling about the sight, even after everything I’ve seen today. And there’s…something else. A weird…heaviness, to the room. Some kind of mana, I think, but I don’t know enough about magic to tell what it is. I do know enough to be able to tell whatever it is, isn’t good.

I consider my options. I can still hear fighting faintly above me, so I shouldn’t call for help unless I need it—I might mess them up. I could wait, but now that they know we’re here, they might start killing the spirits they have. So…I should go ahead and go in alone. It’s not like I haven’t done that before. And…it should be fine. If I explain who I am, I think I’ll be safe, and if anything starts to go wrong, I’ll call for help.

My heart’s thudding in my chest so much I feel like throwing up, but I clench my fist and bring it in tight against my chest, then reach my hands up and pull off the hood of Robin’s cloak. I’m not totally sure how it works, and if it’s the action, or the fact I want to stop being invisible, but I see myself again as I do it. No going back I guess. If I’m on camera, I’m on camera. I pause to take a deep breath, and turn the knob.

It isn’t locked.

The door swings open, and before me, I can clearly make out now what looks like a pretty convincing old-fashioned hospital room. Not…in a good way. There are bars over the windows, and straps on the bed, for holding patients down, and here’s a man on the bed, held in place by them.

It…it feels so unnecessary. He looks ill, like he probably would have trouble getting up off the bed no matter what, and a little old. White hair, but a face not as old as I expect with it. I have a hard time telling how old adult people are when they’re between 40 and 70, and he seems not at the older end of that spectrum, but at first glance I thought for a moment he was older. His face is haggard, worn out like he’s on the verge of death. Huge bags under his eyes, gaunt features, and his eyes themselves are milky and vacant. There’s…something really wrong with him. He’s got a bandage on his head too, and one around his throat, both blead-through a little. What…happened to you?

He doesn’t seem to see me at first. Just keeps staring blankly towards one of the fake windows, then slowly turns his head and his empty eyes towards me.

Something changes. The haze drops, if just a little, and I can see life deep beneath the clouds in his eyes.

“A child?” he asks me. His voice is damaged, from whatever happened to his throat, and he sounds weak, but the thing that stands out isn’t that, it’s how his voice itself sounds. There’s an air I’ve only ever heard from teachers, the good ones—a kind of sophisticated and educated and understanding way of talking that makes them sound smart and kind and good to be around all at the same time. “What are you doing here?”

He tries to smile at me. He looks so weak, it’s pitiful.

“…” I can’t find my voice. I swallow, take a step closer, and try again. “I’m. Ritsuka, Fujimaru—I came here to try to help.”

“Help?” he echoes, confused. There’s…so much pain in his voice too. Like being sad is a part of who he is.

“To—get you out of here,” I manage, taking another step.

His brows knit in weak confusion. “Do I know you?”

“No, but I’m here to help everyone trapped in here anyway,” I answer.

He smiles a little, sadly, and shuts his eyes for a moment, breathing taking immense effort. “That’s very kind of you. It’s not the most comforting place to end a life.” He speaks and his voice has that same tone, gentle, and overflowing with pain. “But I don’t think there’s a lot more you can do for any of us. Than come to visit.” He opens his eyes again and turns his head weakly to look at me. “Which is always nice. It can get lonely in a place like this.”

I don’t. Understand? He.

“You want to get out, right?” I ask, taken aback.

“Of course,” he answers simply, shutting his eyes again, voice and breaths raspy, “But it’s not that simple. I have to be here now, and it won’t be much longer.” He smiles to himself again. “You’re kind to worry for us.”

He sounds like he really means that. I’m so confused—unless—?

Thoughts racing, I take in the room again, the attention to detail. I try hard to focus on the heaviness in the room; I’ve never been good at sensing magic, but I give it everything I’ve got, and I can tell something is not just in the room, it’s on him. A curse? A spell? Maybe…If I can find it, I can…

Taking a step to try and see him up close, he hears me moving and opens his eyes and turns to look. Seeing me, he looks surprised.

“Hello there, little one. What are you doing in a place like this?”

I stop and stare.

“Are you alright?” he asks, concerned.

“We…just talked—do you not remember me?” I ask. My voice sounds so small it surprises me. I see his face fall. He looks…some kind of very deep sad, like that question cut to his core.

“I’m sorry,” he says, eyes moving to look at something that isn’t me, “My memory isn’t what it was.” He tries to smile at me and looks back again. “What brings someone like you to a place like this?”

“I came…to help you,” I reply meekly. There’s no recognition in his eyes. Just mild surprise again.

What did they. …Why did they...

“Sir,” I say, taking another step, “Do you know that you’re a heroic spirit?”

I think he almost laughs, and I can see in his face he has no idea not only what he is, but what a heroic spirit is at all. “I appreciate the compliment, but there’s really nothing heroic about me,” he says like he’s found my question very sweet.

Oh boy. What do I do? I don’t know complex magic. I can’t…I can’t fix this on my own, unless, if I can get him to contract, I could with a command spell, but. If he doesn’t even know what heroic spirits are, he’ll never agree! He won’t even be able to. And, if I try to explain, and he thinks what I’m doing is super weird, he might freak out, and- …Okay, okay, come on, think. Stay cool.

“What happened?” I ask, indicating his injuries as I move closer. I’m almost at the bedside now, and there’s a little metal chair there. I move it beside him and sit down, like I really am someone who came to visit a hospital room.

No. Not hospital. Asylum.

His face loses the little color it had.

“I’m sorry—I—maybe that’s too personal,” I say quickly, feeling very bad, “I shouldn’t have asked.”

He gives me a kindly smile. “Fell,” he answers, and he tries to indicate I think the head wound, but can’t because he’s strapped down, and I see surprise and then pain and shame with it register on his face as he looks down at himself. You forgot. That too…

“What’s your name?” I ask, hoping to distract him.

It sort of works. He glances back at me, surprised again. “You don’t know me? Are you just visiting everyone here today?”

“Yes,” I answer, because in a way that’s true.

He smiles. There’s barely anything but skin and bones on his face. He looks so ill I believe what he said earlier, about how it wouldn’t be much longer. “That’s kind of you,” he says again, “I’m sure it will cheer all of us up. It can get a little boring around here, the days long.”

The thought of how true that must be is agonizing. It makes me want to cry. Whoever he was, this must have been how he died, a long time ago. Alone, hurt, and with a broken memory, in an asylum. I can’t think of many lonelier ways to go.

“My name is Antonio,” he says. He must have been some kind of teacher, the way he sounds proud and welcoming at once saying his own name.

“I’m Ritsuka,” I introduce myself again, “Fujimaru.”

“Ritsuka,” he echoes, curious, “Where are you from?”

“Japan,” I answer.

“Your Italian is perfect—even the accent,” he says.

“We aren’t speaking Italian,” I say before I can think not to.

Something cracks in his face. He winces, almost like a full-body tick. His eyes get vacant, and then very, very alive for just a moment, and there’s horror in them.

“I,” he says, faltering. Listening. “Sto…parlando Italiano…No.”

Crap. Crap crap crap.

He looks at me, terrified. Right on the edge of understanding something, and unable to make it.

“What am I?” he begs me in his broken voice. It’s not what I thought he’d say, and I am completely lost in how to answer him. “Who?” He tries to move his hands again, and can’t and in despair tries to rip them free. Failing again, he turns back to me, desperate. “Please!”

“It’s okay—it’s okay--I’m here to help you!” I promise. I can’t stand the way he’s looking at me like I’m doing this and he’s begging me to stop. I would never. “I know this is confusing—I don’t know what they did to you, but they messed with your head.”

“My?” He tries to move a hand again, already having forgotten, and looks down in despair at the restraints, then me.

“Here,” I say quickly, and I unthread the ones around his wrists, then chest. Still unbelievably weak, he raises a shaking hand to his head and feels it, wincing, then brings it down to his neck and leaves it there.

Staring into space, confused and horrified, and out of it.

“Antonio?” I try.

He glances at me again, distracted, but more awake than he was.

“I can help you, but I need you to trust me to do it.” I look at my hand, then hold it out to him, palm-up. “You’re still you, whoever you were before. You’re still Antonio. But it’s later than you think, and you’re a little different too. I can explain, but I think if you trust me, I can fix what they did to you, and you’ll be able to remember on your own. That way will make a lot more sense.”

“Trust you,” he echoes, and I see the fog starting to settle back over his eyes, his previously terrified posture starting to go slack.

“No-no-no-no, hey!” I say, reaching over and putting a hand on his shoulder.

That does something, and he blinks and looks at my hand. I’m so afraid he’s going to ask me who I am again, but instead he says, “What?” in a kind of out of it voice.

Crap crap I’m gonna lose him.

“Listen to me. I’m speaking Japanese right now, and so are you. This place?” I say, letting go and hopping up, idea formed, “It’s not real—You’re not where you think!” I run at the nearest wall and slam into it, and it topples back like the set piece it is, and he watches in horror and jerks when it thuds against the floor, then stares at the room past it in alarm. “You’re being kept here against your will, and the people who did this are messing with your head! I can help you—I came here to help, but you have to trust me.”

Face ashy, he focuses back on me.

“If you form a pact with me, I can help you,” I say more calmly, going to sit back down.

“I don’t-“ he starts, and then he winces again, that full-body kind of jerk, like something has cracked inside him, and when he looks at me again, the fog has receded a little. “I’m…you said, ‘heroic spirit.’ I’m…dead. …I’m…I’m not…Antoino… I am…I’m…I…”

I’m losing him again and he’s staring at the wall. I reach over and put my hands on his and that snaps him out and he looks at me again. “You are. You’re Antonio. You’re Antonio…?”

“Salieri,” he says almost vacantly, but his eyes are still alive, and holding mine. I can see him deep in there past whatever Ur-shanabi’s done to him, fighting.

“You’re Antonio Salieri,” I echo, “And you’re a heroic spirit. If you form a contract with me, I can help you. I’ll try to anyway, if you don’t want to, but I’m not very good at magic. I’ll do my best, but I swear, if you are willing to form a contract, I won’t do anything to hurt you—I’m only here to try—”

There’s a loud sound between a thud and a hum, and we both look up towards the source of it. Something in the ceiling?

Huh.

I was so used to the sound of it, I hadn’t even realized the bedframe itself was making a low-pitched humming as well, but it shuts off and I am immediately aware of the absence of it. We both look in unison again, down at the bedframe, and I see Antonio’s brow furrow in confusion, and then he holds up a hand, and I realize it’s not completely opaque.

It's already not completely opaque.

No. No!

“They pulled the plug!” I say desperately, and he turns his head to look at me again. Whatever they did to make him like this, it must not have been connected to his power source, because he’s just as out of it as before. This is all wrong and he’ll be dead in a few seconds, as fast as he’s starting to vanish! I have to—“Please—hurry—if you vanish they’ll summon you back! I can ground-“

His expression changes entirely.

In an instant, the fog is gone and the welcoming calmness and kindness is gone and his expression is hard and volatile.

I was wrong—whatever curse was on him was connected to his power source, because it is gone now, and it’s like he’s not even the same person he was a moment before. He looks into my face and I’m scared of him. No, I think…I think I’m terrified of this person. He looks like death—he looks like hate—looks like them in a way I had no idea person could look. Like they’re not what he’s feeling, they’re what he is. Meeting his gaze makes me scared he’s going to snap me between his fingers, and not even for any personal reason, just because it’s his nature. But then I’m past that in his eyes, and behind it is the same thing I saw before. The same person, deep beneath it. Kind and intelligent and composed. Like he’s wearing a terrifying Halloween costume over who he really is.

And I’m okay.

I think he sees that, sees all of it, and he looks…hurt and touched and a little surprised, all at the same time. He glances down at me, and then holds out a transparent hand, palm-up.

“I am not much of a servant,” he warns me, and he sounds harder than before, colder, and sharp, but the teacher tone is still there. The one that says ‘I will show you how to do it right even if it takes a long time, don’t worry. Come take a seat,’ all patient, and kind, and knowledgeable. Layered beneath the new tone, the same way the look in his eyes was. “I’ll warn you ahead of time that I’m dangerous to be around, and I haven’t much power to offer you, but if you still want a contract with a servant like me, I will accept your offer.”

“Of course I do,” I say without hesitation, and I take his hand, “But I don’t want a servant. I want a partner.”

He tilts his head like this is unexpected, but somehow his face doesn’t look too surprised, and he closes his vanishing fingertips around mine.

“My soul becomes your will, your spirit becomes my destiny. If you hear me and accept my call, then bind to me-“ I realize I have no idea what his class is and look to him.

“Avenger,” he says in that broken, sad voice, but he has a weak smile on his face.

‘Avenger’? “-Avenger,” I finish.

“I accept,” he replies, and I feel a tug on my chest and flood of mana, and I thought I’d be fine because I’m getting used to this, but I forgot I’m kind of beat right now, and I think I pass out—only for a second, but I’m upright, and then I’m face-first on the bed, no idea how I got there, the Avenger gently helping me back up.

I feel awful, but he’s solid again, mostly, and looking better. I mentally check to make sure everyone I have a contract with is still alive, and I feel all the connections going strong.

“Great,” I say weakly, grinning at him, “We did it.”

“Are you alright?” he asks.

“Mmm…hh..” I slump forward and pass out.

[genshinconfessions]

Talking about the anon who mentioned that we usually prefer our limited banner 5 star, that's pretty much it :D really. I got her on Childe's rerun banner and was extremely mad at her since,

1. She wasn't a Russian madman

2. I only had one sac sword and it was already on Xingqiu.

But my (actually plays Meta a lot) friend convinced me to build her since she was one of the best healers according to him. I did need more of them at the time since I only had Bennett and Xingqiu (???? If I could even consider him a healer) - I just really don't like Diona and Barbara for some reasons I don't vibe with them at all. But now she's still going strong even at her humble lvl 70 whenever I need to go out to clap some monster cheeks.

I got a second sac sword just for her and she's great to apply Cryo and Freeze enemies with the Snezhnayan man (I ended up getting him 40 wishes into pity :D)

But that's also not entirely accurate I didn't build Keqing even after getting her losing 50/50 on Kazuha banner and then getting him later. I can just say that for a higher AR player getting Qiqi > Getting Keqing since support characters are just more flexible and you probably already have one or more Main DPS built.

Sorry for going on a rant there :'))

it's always awesome to hear other ppl's perspectives on this! and i think agree, i used to think that if i would be losing pity to someone, it'd better be diluc, but i wouldn't mind getting anyone, actually; either i don't have a need for them so i won't use them, or i'll just figure smth out with some combo of characters. i mean, what else can you do, right? so instead of staying angry about it, i urge everyone who gets a non-limited five star to try and appreciate them!

- katheryne from liyue

[arvandus]

Touch (Pt 2)

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: 18+ only please!  Drug abuse/withdrawal, adult language/themes, heavy angst, past trauma/abuse, anxiety/panic attacks, PTSD, fluff, pining, slow burn, eventual emotional SMUT. *please pay attention to the chapter tags as these warnings will apply at different times*

Synopsis: When you first joined the LOV to lend your healing quirk, Dabi  terrified you.  Not interested in attachments, he wanted to keep it  that way.  That is, until he needs your help. (Slow burn, soft Dabi).

Time Frame: Right before the League meets Overhaul

Additional notes: I took some liberty in giving Reader a backstory that fits in with the BNHA world and is important for the story.  If that bothers you, I apologize - just think of it as role playing!  Also, this’ll probably be broken up into 8-10 parts, roughly.  JUST KIDDING - this has now turned into an epic (roughly) 40 chapter series.  Oops.

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters.

Recommended Chapter Song: Cradles by Sub Urban

Part 1

Artwork credit to @hellowon31​ on Twitter (https://twitter.com/hellowon31)

Part 2 - A Crack In The Armor

The pain came back, just as you said it would.   What you didn’t mention was that the numbness would gradually fade away.  It might sound nice to some, but Dabi hated it. He felt like he was driving towards a cliff in slow motion, waiting for the crash, unable to turn the wheel.  He had no control.  He hated this feeling of helplessness and traded it for anger instead. Why did he even ask for your help to begin with?

His answer was given to him as soon as your quirk’s effect finally stopped.  Dabi stared angrily at the empty pill bottles. It was amazing how quickly the brain adapted, his body acting as if he’d never had to deal with his damaged nerves before.  He had half a mind to hunt you down and demand you take care of it. He didn’t, of course, pride the deciding factor.  The scars were his, a series of choices made, a patchwork flag he wore into battle.  They were his burden and a reminder of his fight; he wasn’t going to give that up so easily.  Still, he couldn’t deny the temptation that surrounded him like a cloud, even if all he did was entertain the thought. 

Dabi waited all day for your visit until finally your characteristic knock on his door rewarded his patience.  He stood from his bed and cooled his features into their typical mask before opening the door. There you stood, keen eyes already assessing him.

“Can I come in?” you asked. Like the day before, he stepped aside just enough to let you pass.  He had discovered yesterday that he liked having your presence close to him… it gave his pulse a little rush.  He caught a whiff of your shampoo as you gingerly passed him and felt the softness of your shirt as it brushed against his own like a whisper.  His grip on the doorknob tightened.

As soon as Dabi closed the door behind you, you got started.  You were determined to be strictly business.  “How’re you feeling?” you asked, keeping your tone even, the perfect balance of concern and professionalism.  Dabi wanted to laugh.  Were you always this serious?

“Like shit.” He grinned. “That quirk of yours is potent stuff.”

You couldn’t help but let a grin escape in response to his candid words, a fracture in your hastily built armor.  “Not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.”

“It’s a compliment.” He stated.

You felt your throat go tight.  Stay on task.  Stay on task.  You cleared your throat slightly as you averted your eyes from him.  “Well, let’s have a look.”

With a little less flair than yesterday, he removed his jacket like before, followed by his shirt as he turned around to display his back for you.

You could see that the bandages were seeped through.  You had laid them on thick since you knew you wouldn’t be able to check on him as often as you’d like – he was still going out to do Shigaraki’s bidding and you had others to look after as well.  You were planning on seeing him daily, but it looked like he’d need more. 

Your little checkups were far from over.  You couldn’t help but wonder what he thought about that.  You honestly weren’t sure what you thought about it yourself.

“I’m going to use my quirk and then change your bandages.  I’ll check on you again tomorrow morning before you leave.”

“How often do we have to do this?” Dabi asked.  His tone was difficult to decipher.  Concerned? Annoyed? …Hopeful?

You cleared your throat again, desperate for a glass of water, as you began to remove the soiled gauze. “I’ll probably visit you twice daily for the first week, then reduce it to once a day or every couple of days for the second week.  We’ll see where we are by then.  It’ll take at least a few weeks before it’s fully healed.  That’s only if you’re good though, and don’t go out and use your quirk for a bit.”

“I won’t make any promises.” He replied.

You sighed.  “Well, at least your honest.  Really though, you should at least try not to use it.”

“That’s up to the Crusty Hands.” Dabi replied.  “He’s the one sending me out there to try to recruit members and gather intel.”

You rolled your eyes at the nickname for Shigaraki.  “Couldn’t you ask him for a break then?” You asked, your head tilted. “No point in making you hurt yourself over lackey work.”

The question was innocent enough, but Dabi turned around and stared at you like you grew a second head. Ask Shigaraki for time off? The thought made Dabi bristle for so many reasons.

You quickly caught on to his shift in mood and tried to repair your previous statement. “Look.  I get it if that’s an issue for you. Maybe I could be the one to ask him.  I can make it a medical request, since I’m the healer.”

That option almost seemed worse.  He didn’t need to be excused from his duties like a child with a sick note. And he most certainly didn’t want you putting your neck out for him.

“Look, I know your still kinda new here.  So, let me break this down.  There is no ‘sick time’ in the League of Villains.  No vacation, no hazard pay.  We all got our jobs to do.”

Now you bristled, your shoulders tensing up and your arms crossed in front of you defensively. “Yeah.  And my job is to make sure you crazy idiots don’t kill yourselves before we complete our mission.  You know, the big long-term one where we change the world, not the pointless dirty work Shigaraki’s got you doing.”

“Pointless dirty work? That dirty work is how we reach that long-term goal, sweetheart.”   Dabi grinned devilishly.  “I didn’t realize you had such strong opinions about how we do things here.”

“Just the part about using your talents for recruiting street thugs.  Most of them are idiots that can’t tell Stain’s message from an anarchist bumper sticker.”

You were right, of course. Dabi chuckled.  You were more interesting than he thought.

“Look,” you said, your voice quieter as you uncrossed your arms.  “We’re all in this together come hell or high water, and I’m really hoping we can all see it through to the end.  If that means taking some time off to let your body recover, then I’d think that’d be worth doing.”

Dabi stared at you silently while something tightened in his chest.  Your need to hold everyone together like glue was admirable and almost… endearing.  He felt a sinking feeling in his gut.  He knew there was a high likelihood they wouldn’t all see the end of this, if the end ever even comes.  Did you know that but stubbornly hold onto your optimism?  Or were you really that naïve that you believed there was a chance that everyone could come out unscathed?  When the worst happens – which it inevitably will – will you blame yourself?

The thought bothered him.

For the first time Dabi’s mask slipped, and for the briefest of moments you could see the pity in his eyes.

“Thanks for the concern doll, but I got it under control.” Dabi said, his voice unusually calm. “Besides, if I took time off every time I hurt myself with my quirk, then I’d never be any use.”

Between his eyes and his words, there was no room for discussion, so you let the topic drop. 

You let out a defeated sigh. “Well then, let’s get started.” You placed your hands on his back.

Once again, the sweet balm of your touch spread across his skin, bringing back the relief he had missed. His body responded instinctively. His breathing slowed; his muscles relaxed.  He closed his eyes, relishing in the sensation.  You noticed the slightest drop in his shoulders and a pang of sympathy washed over you like a wave.  You wished you could do more for him, but you had to conserve your quirk for the others too.

You cleaned his wound quickly and applied fresh bandages without any more talk.  As quickly as it had begun, it was over.  Without missing a beat, he pulled his shirt back on while you packed your items.

You turned to leave, but paused for a moment before turning back slightly, your eyes bravely locking with his.  “Try to get some rest… it’ll help your body heal faster.”

Dabi didn’t respond with his usual quips.  Instead, his electric blue eyes stared at you in a way that made your blood pulse in your ears and the air burn in your lungs.  You stood captivated for a moment, locked in his gaze, before finding your way out of the maze of his eyes and left his room, hearing the quiet click of the door behind you.

 Without a word, Dabi sat on the edge of the bed and stared at his hands.  His brow furrowed in confusion.

This was supposed to be a game.  A game of walls and mazes and misdirection. He was the ‘Asshole,’ full of snarky comments and flirty quips all while withholding his true self.  He didn’t need friends, just coworkers so he could carry out his mission and bring Stain’s vision to life before his quirk killed him.  But your magic hands dismantled his walls, allowing you to walk right in and get in his head with your stubborn heart.  He had cared. For the briefest of moments, he cared.

It was his game.  Why did he feel like he was losing?

______________________________________________________________

Part 3

__________________________________________________

Taglist: @lemonfvck​ @vs-redemption​ @inanabsentia​ @sheedaabee​ @toshiuwuu​ @marydragneell​ @chillinwithmybakubros​ @genuinelytodorokisbitch​ @sam-i-am-1025​