#and BARRY im so excited for whatever is happening with him but i already have a few too many headcanons jdhdjh

[risingsunresistance]

listening to moving to mars, now i am thinking about barry and scarf

[spelviin]

ok now time for theorizing GOD i have missed this shit

disclaimer: this is just for funsies and i'm not like, hanging all my hopes and dreams on any of this shit pls do not take any of it seriously. theorizing abt the things i love is just how i scrape together my serotonin in this life and BOY was this a gold mine for it.

first of all, kid names/whose kids they are:

already said this, but im convinced taylor is lil (or big now i guess oh god) nicky's kid, taylor swift.

cliche, but i do think the idea of grant "big gamers only" wilson naming his kid link to remind him of better times is very funny and will imagine so until proven otherwise in 2 weeks.

normal is, ironically, the wild card in my mind. most likely TJ's kid, which i am v stoked abt bc if they are we might FINALLY find out what his last name was

also partially my best guess bc i can defs see lark not wanting kids, for fear of passing on the family curse. like yeah they're likely not active vessels for the doodler anymore, having puked it up in the finale, but im convinced there's defs some sort of residual connection or influence that is has over them, and i can see lark not wanting to risk it.

would also, however, accept grant and one of the other sons (they're still the sons to me whatever idk how else to address them without it getting complicated) are together and one of the kids is both of theirs

as for the fourth kid, this is near-completely based on my own personal ideas and not based in any sort of reality at all, BUT in the immortal words of a certain esteemed story boy and daddy, bear with me:

i really like the idea that lark and sparrow had some sort of falling out after the events of season 1

whether that falling out happened immediately after The Stabbening or later on after the OG daddies' plan failed, i just think a schism between the brothers is a really nice juicy hook/conflict to base this season around

so basically my working theory is this: at some point after the apocalypse kicked off, lark realized what he'd done and vowed to fix what he helped break, and signed on to work for DADDIES to do so

sparrow, on the other hand, saw how broken the world was, and ended up following more in his grandfather's footsteps (paying off the fact that he was showing some slightly barry-ish tendencies towards the end there that could, unchecked, very feasibly dip into the realm of toxic positivity) and decided the best thing to do would be to use whatever power he had to fix it

by "fixing it" i mean using his connection with the doodler to befriend it, and help shape the new world into a peaceful and harmonious utopia

aka, sparrow becomes the founder and leader of the Acolytes and is actively working with/for the doodler

so basically my working theory on the fourth child is, what if it's sparrow's kid, sent to infiltrate DADDIES and sabotage their efforts to overthrow the doodler from the inside

and that's why lark didn't mention them, bc he doesn't know his own niece/nephew/nibling even EXISTS bc he hasn't spoken to his brother in years

and then there's the whole code purple thing which is defs daddy magic adjacent and im guessing means "consult the o-dads" or take off barry's bracelets or something, which, if that's the case, i'm VERY interested to know how that went last time lmao.

and also there's the whole obsidian door thing which i got nothing at all on but like, i literally just got home from work, gimme a few days and im sure i'll be grasping at straws abt it somehow lmao

anyways, tl;dr i am SO FUCKING STOKED to have something to make my dumb theories about again and even though i'm defs wrong abt all of this, i'm just really excited to hear whatever the actual plot ends up being

[coldflasher]

For the writing thing: 12, 17, 26, 35 ?

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

OOOH HERE WE GO, STRAP YOURSELVES IN, IT’S TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE HADES/PERSEPHONE COLDWESTALLEN FIC

okay okay okay so. picture it. cast your minds back to rogue air, aka, one of the best flash eps ever, fight me. barry is begging leonard snart for his help transporting some metas out of the city. leonard writes something down on a piece of paper that barry, canonically, categorically refuses to do.

but what if he didn’t refuse?

not a massively original fic concept at first glance, i grant you. loads of people have speculated about what exactly it was that len asked for. popular theories are a) sexual favours, or b) barry’s assistance with some kind of heist. there have been lots of fics about this exact premise. but hey, you can never have too much of a good thing. 

SO, what len wants is to have barry join the rogues, not just for one mission, but for six months. barry is desperate, he’s not in any shape to refuse, so he agrees, because he figures that hey, he’s going to erase the timeline anyway, it’s not like he’ll ever have to make good on the deal. he’s going to save his mom, the deal will never have been struck. 

except as we know, he doesn’t save nora, and so he’s now in len’s debt. and we start from there.

the basic concept is very, VERY loosely inspired by the hades/persephone myth, where persephone marries hades and has to spend half the year ruling hell with him, and half aboveground with her mother. so the fic spans several years, as barry keeps doing trade-offs with the rogues for various favours, spending six months with them doing heists and stuff, and then six with team flash, living his normal life. it’s enemies to friends to lovers between barry and len, SUPER slow burn. but!! as barry slowly falls for len during his six month stints with him, he’s also still in love with iris, and in the time they spend apart, she’s coming to realise that she might actually reciprocate those feelings. so barry is torn between two lives, two loves, two people he can’t live without but there doesn’t seem to be any way he can reconcile the two, and somewhere down the line he’s going to have to make an impossible choice: len or iris.

and then we get to season 3. and savitar shows up. and iris is going to die.

barry’s desperate, so he asks len for help with one last job: protect iris and save her life. and len agrees, because he thinks that this will be his chance to make barry choose him once and for all. he agrees to be iris’ bodyguard... and then, oops, len and iris start falling in love too.

it’s long!! it’s messy!! i’m obSESSED with it, as you can probably already tell! it’s split into four parts, or ‘books,’ and i’m aiming for each one to be around 50k, so hoping for 200k overall, but it’s me, so there’s a strong chance it’ll be longer. it’s gonna be another massive undertaking but i’m so excited, honestly, I LOVE IT SO MUCH and i can’t wait to share it but WHO KNOWS WHEN THAT’LL HAPPEN? NOT ME, especially since im currently working on part 2 when part 1 isn’t even outlined yet, lmaooo why am i like this

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

i’m always hesitant to say ‘never ever,’ cos i’ll try anything once, but i suppose there are some tropes i just have zero interest in, not because they’re too dark or whatever, but more because they’re so boring. for example, you can keep coffee shop AUs well away from me, i cannot imagine anything less interesting to write. 

i also always swore i’d never touch kidfic with a ten foot pole, but recently i’ve kinda started to develop an unexpected interest in the secret baby trope in romance and i’ve read a couple of stories with oops babies and i’m like, hm. i don’t hate this, actually. but i generally prefer them to mostly take place before the baby has actually been born cos kids squick me out. idk if i’d ever write it (with the exception of stuff about nora, but i’d never have her younger than mid-teens) but again, i wouldn’t want to rule it out

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

i don’t think so? i’m pretty ambitious, and if the idea’s there, so am i. i wrote a 500k fic once, i have no fear left in my heart haha. i do currently have a fic in the works that’s dual timeline and i am honestly kind of scared of that, bc it’s a nightmare to keep straight in my head, but i’m doing it anyway cos i cannot be stopped

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

i think i’ve pretty much covered that one already haha (if ur still reading, congratulations, i am in awe) but yeah i have so many WIPs i am drowning in them. my only desire is to finally FINISH something. keep ur fingers crossed for me that i finally finish and post that one one-shot today, cos i want it DONE

thanks for sending, asks are love and i really appreciated the chance to babble here haha <3 

[winterflash-2019]

Better Part:7

Bria and Caitlyn started clapping and jumping up and down. 
“Oh my gosh I’m going to be a mom"Bria says while looking at the pregnancy test. “And I’m going to be an auntie” Caitlyn says while smiling like she won the lottery. “How am I going to tell Barry” “Ooo that’s a excellent question I’ll leave you to think about that I gotta go to Star Labs” Caitlyn says and hugs Bria and leaves. 
*Star Labs* 
“What are you talking about” Wally asks completely lost on how Barry knows this 
“Wally Savitar killed Bria right in front of me and I wasn’t fast enough to save her s-she died in my arms Wally its 3 months from now we have to change the future I won’t let Bria die I won’t” Barry growls as the vision keeps replaying in his mind. Bria is his world and seeing her limp with her eyes closed shook his body with fear he’s scared of losing her. 
“Barr don’t work yourself already just take it easy everything will be fine” Iris says trying to convince the poor man but Barry wasn’t having it. 
“No iris I will not just take it easy this is Bria’s life okay my baby girl I’m not losing her I’m going to do everything and anything it takes to save her” Barry says and stomps on the glasses crushing them completely and speeds out of Star Labs. “Babe hi I’m sorry I took so long go back to sleep” Barry says as he rubs his face and gives a warm smile to Bria. 
Bria sits up and rubs her stomach eager to tell Barry the good news. “Hey Barr we need to talk” “About what” Barry says with a smile as his eyebrows raises quickly. 
“Well Caitlyn figured out why I’ve been so sick” Bria says and puts her head down kinda nervous she hopes Barry will be excited. 
Barry instantly sits up on the bed and rubs her knee. “Oh babe are you okay what was it” 
“Um I-I’m uh” she stutters at first she wasn’t gonna hesitate to tell Barry but she’s scared of what he may think, of his reaction. 
“It’s okay baby take your time” Barry says and rubs her back. 
“Barr I’m pregnant” she whispers 
“A-Are you serious I’m gonna be a dad” Barry says excitedly and Bria nods her head and Barry smiles wide and hugs her Bria sighs and looks at Barry directly into his eyes and grabs his chin. “I love you Barry Allen” “I love you too baby girl” Barry says and kisses her and rubs her belly but his smile soon turns into a frown as the vision of Bria dying replays in his head realization shook through him Bria was 3 months pregnant when Savitar killed her so he’s losing the love of his life and his unborn child no squash that he’s NOT losing the love of his life and his unborn child and he puts that on both his parents lives. “You okay barr” Bria says and rubs his face concern filling her voice while giving him a warm smile. “Yeah I’m okay I’m just glad you’re here with me"Barry says and pulls her legs on his and she giggles. "I told you Bartholomew Henry Allen I’m not leaving you” Bria says while looking in Barry’s eyes and rubbing her stomach. 
“I know babe” Barry says with a huge grin on his face and kisses her stomach “Come on lets go to bed” *Morning* “Babe wake up we gotta go to work” Barry says while shaking Bria. “Ugh why"Bria says and turns her back to Barry. 
"Babe because the CCPD would be nothing without you although when you start showing you’re not allowed to do anything okay I don’t want you to get hurt now get up” Barry says and slaps her ass. “Yes sir"Bria giggles and gets up 
-CCPD- 
"Barry and Bria walks through the doors and walks over to Eddie and Joe. 
"Hey guys what’s up” Bria says and gives them their coffee her and Barry bought she didn’t get one considering she’s pregnant. 
“The sky” Eddie says and high fives Joe and Bria just pretends to be mad at him but soon burst out laughing and Barry just shakes his head with a smile on his face. 
“No but seriously Bria this is all you” Joe says and places a big folder into her hands and she stumbles a little. “Oh gosh its heavy what is this a dead body” Bria says and Barry grabs the folder out of her hands while making sure she’s okay 
Joe laughs and shakes his head “course not its a large meta file this one is serious” 
“It shouldn’t be a problem for ya bestie since you’re the best damn detective in the business seriously” Eddie says and pats her on her shoulder 
“Guys we should get started on work before Singh rips our head off"Barry says and they all nod and Barry walks Bria to her office "You sure you’re going to be okay” Barry says anxiously he doesn’t want to leave Bria alone 
“Barr I’ll be fine really okay if it makes you feel better I won’t hesitate to call you if I need anything I love you "Bria says while smiling and Barry smiles back and pecks her lips 
"Okay babe I love you too” Barry rubs her face and turns to leave. God he loves her so much Barry wouldn’t survive without her. 
*Time skip - at Star Labs* “Hey Caitlyn do you have any idea what Barry and Bria wants to tell us” Cisco says while playing a game on his computer 
“Yeah what’s up with that” H.R says while twirling his drumsticks “Guys how am I supposed to know” Caitlyn says lying straight through her teeth Bria called her on her lunch break and told her that she and Barry wanted to tell everyone about the pregnancy. 
“Whatever it is it must be good” Julian says and sits next to Caitlyn. Just as he said that a gust of wind blew in the lab and Barry and Bria appeared in the middle of the room. 
“Hey guys where’s- Just as Barry was about to ask Joe,Iris, and Wally walks in "Well nevermind "Barry says and rubs his hands together 
"Guys you’re acting strange what’s going on” Eddie says and wraps his arm around iris and she smiles at him. Barry and Bria look at each other and Barry nods his head at her 
“3.2.1” “IM PREGNANT” Bria yells with excitement and everyone immediately goes crazy and surrounds them. 
“Wow Barry you was really going at it” Eddie says earning a slap on the shoulder from Iris “What he meant was we’re happy for you guys"Iris says and smiles at the couple 
"Oh my gosh Bria congratulations” Wally says and hugs her “OOOH YEAH UNCLE CISCO IN THE BUILDING” Cisco yells and everyone laugh 
“Oh my gosh I hope the kid becomes a speedster so I can train him oh it’ll be cute little flash” H.R says excitedly 
“Oh my lord this is just fantastic” Julian says and smiles. Caitlyn just has a wide grin on her face 
“Wow Bria I’m so happy for you guys really it’s about time I get a damn grandchild Joe says and hugs Bria "By the way my grandchild is going to call me paw paw” Joe says and points at Barry 
“Whatever floats your boat Joe” Barry says with a smile 
“Its your turn now Barry you and Iris put me through hell and now you get to go through what I went through” Joe says with a chuckle Everyone laughs and shakes their head 
“Thanks guys all of you really” Bria says and Barry pulls her to him 
“Well I’m just glad we have some good news for once” Eddie says and Barry frowns and face palms while Bria looks confused. Eddie notices and instantly regret what he said 
Now it was just quiet no one said a word 
“I don’t understand what’s going on” Bria says and everyone just looks at each other 
“Oh uh Barry didn’t tell you” Eddie says quietly ohhh Barry was going to kick his ass later 
“Barr what is he talking about” Bria says and pulls away from him 
“Bria I- "No tell me Barry” 
“When I rushed here yesterday Cisco told me about a meta named Savitar…turns out Savitar is future me"Barry mumbles 
"Okay what’s so bad about that” 
“Bria he’s- 
"All the worst parts of Barry"Joe says 
"He gave me a box and inside it was glasses a-and” Barry says stuttering on the brink of tears as the vision replays in his head once again “Barr it’s okay relax"Bria says and places her hands on his shoulders "No its not ITS NOT Bria he killed you right in front of me I wasn’t fast enough to save you” Barry cries tears streaming down his beautiful face and Bria’s eyes water “Barr is that why you zoned out yesterday” Bria whispers trying to hold herself together and Barry nods his head “Oh my god” Bria says and slaps her hand over her mouth as the tears quietly stream down her face 
“How long u-until i-it h-happens” Bria sobs while rubbing her belly “It was 3 months from now but baby girl I promise you I PROMISE this is not going to happen I will protect you and our baby okay” Barry says and rubs Bria’s shoulders “We will help like we always do Bria we’re not gonna let anything happen to you"Caitlyn says and everyone agrees "We don’t have long guys” Bria’s voice cracks and Eddie looks at the floor feeling guilty. -Time Skip- 
Eddie called Barry when he got home 
“Um is Bria around you "Eddie says voice full of guilt 
"No she’s in the room sleep"Barry says and sits on the couch 
"Barry man I’m sorry for today I-I didn’t mean to- 
"It’s alright Eddie really you didn’t know that I didn’t tell her yet” 
“Still man I feel awful she had to find out that way but Barry what if you can’t save her” 
“I will” 
“But i- "I said I will” Barry growls 
“I’m not gonna let anything happen to her trust me especially since she’s carrying my child even if Savitar is within 5ft of her all hell breaks loose” Barry says and hangs up the phone and goes into the bedroom. He stands in the doorway just watching the woman he loved sleep peacefully she’s Barry’s life and he’s starting a family with her and he’s gonna love his child to death he’s gonna save her even if its the last thing he does. “Please god don't take her from me ” Barry whispers

[rogue-rook]

many highlights from The Stolen Century from a first-time TAZ listener (here there be spoilers)

oh hot damn a flashbacks episode!!!!!

“everything begins, and i mean that quite literally, with the light of creation”

the IPRE has some real nostalgic space exploration nasa vibes to it

travis: “i would like to state that, canonically, magnus calls him “cap’nport” because magnus, like I, loves portmanteau”

suggested names for the ship boat thing: boaty mcboatface, spinnaker (which just means boat), stinky spinnaker, laser spinnaker, hyper spinnaker, flying boat, tail spinnaker, fighting spinnaker, lightbringer, sky spinnaker, sky boat, sky weaver, star dancer, starblaster! the winner! starblaster!

the way they arrived at “starblaster” was such peak mcelroy Creative Nonsense

the reporters at this IPRE press conference have had increasingly silly names

justin: “taako and lup go to a bar and do what they always do at a bar, which is hustle people at pool” i love them so much! i didn’t love taako all that much for the majority of this story but now i think he’s cool as shit

I’m so SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED for lup to be a part of this and be a real character and not just a fucking GHOST haunting taako’s umbrella

magnus wants to go train with the bear of power and that’s the most on-brand thing for him to possibly want to do

travis: “magnus doesn’t kill animals if he can help it” not animals, but of course he has no problem killing dwarves, elves, liches, wizards, ya know, all those PEOPLE he’s killed

justin: “taako and lup are gonzo, they're out of here" magnus: “i’m like checking on bear cubs and making sure everyone's okay" merle: “im like increasing everybody’s speed with spells’ very on brand of everybody here

travis: “okay griffin i have a very important question that i should have asked before-” griffin: “is about your fucking hard candy supply?”

the entire set up of this arc is so fun and good 

justin: “yeah i've got a fucking genius plan and I'm gonna fix everything! come close, griffin, because I'm about to blow your game wide open. I’m going to make a fake light of creation. I’m gonna spend this year like a survivor contestant on their last legs, crafting a false hidden immunity idol. I’m going to craft, to the best of my ability, a fake light of creation. a decoy, if you will!” THIS IS GENIUS

taako: “okay, that’s all well and good but lup and i are going scrapping. this is the most civilized- this is the most technologically advanced place that we’ve been to yet, and I wanna load the ship up with all the valuable mechanical components I can find, so I’m going fucking looting, I’m gonna destroy as many robots as it takes, I’m gonna take these motherfuckers apart piecemeal, so I can take whatever cool magic is powering them. I’m going to loot this motherfucker to brass tacks, I’m gonna just loot and pillage” merle: “burnt earth” taako: “yes exactly”

lup: “i believe one of these times we’re going to get this right. and we’re going to find a way to defeat the hunger and save everybody inside of it. I have to believe that to keep doing what we do, becasue I have to believe that I’m going to get those 15 dollars back from greg fucking grimmaldis” lup is as cool and funny and DOPE as I was hoping she would be

one of these eps, they just kicked it on a beach for 35 minutes and were shitheads about merle’s attempt at gifts. the literal goddamn definition of a bottle episode. im only like 75% sure davenport was even in this fucking episode

travis has named magnus’s fish, magnus’s father-in-law, a rando reporter at the IPRE press conference, and a kid at one of the stolen century planets “steven”. all of those people/fish are called steven, because apparently travis has a thing for that name

clint just called lucretia “lucinda”

well now i understand why merle’s died 50 million times

taako: “i got bad news for everybody. our arch-nemesis is MORRISSEY”

magnus gets excited to learn to carve wood bc its something he could do with knives and weapons and shit and im like oh THATS the most magnus thing he could possibly do!!!

hey cool so barry and lup’s adorable love OWNS MY ASS

that was the sweetest falling-in-love story ive ever heard and it was like 5 fucking minutes. @ fanfiction writers throw all your barry/lup friends-to-lovers fics directly at my head PLEASE

davenport: “lup can you blow it up?" lup: "can i...blow up a mountain?....well, YEAH! but lets save that for a last resort" the legato conservatory person: “i'm going to firmly request that you don’t blow up our sacred mountain”

taako: “hey I’m taako, from TV” griffin: “uh okay-” justin: “what?” griffin: “you haven’t been on tv yet” clint: “it’s aspirational” justin: “yeah, its aspirational. hey I’m taako from TV. you’re all pretty wanged. you’re pretty fucked. there’s good news and bad news, and the bad news I’ve already covered, with the fucked-ness that you are”

jesus, shit got DARK

oh my god the voidfish that magnus saved in the stolen century is the same one on the bureau of balance base. that’s some heart-tingly shit. that’s that GOOD STORY SHIT

griffin: “your adventures in the back half of these cycles are more fraught than the first half” OH IM SORRY? MORE FRAUGHT??? REALLY, GRIFFY?

griffin’s judge character dude: "magnus, you have fought with others your entire life, throughout your adolescence you celebrated strife. i didn't mean to make that rhyme"

one of the future crimes accused of the IPRE crew is “cruelty to a child who loves them” and im like oh. maybe i shouldnt have wanted somebody to call them out on being mean to sweet ango

oh man i wanna hug lucretia so bad and take care of her and make sure she’s okay

griffin: “she wouldn’t go on to found the bureau of balance for decades, but this horrible lonely year, that’s when she became Madame Director” okay, yep, i love her, and i just remembered i was worried for SO LONG that she was hoarding the relics for her own gain and jesus christ IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT THAT, EVERYBODY, I REGRET IT SO BAD

magnus reading fisher the voidfish a story more like GREAT JOY AND HAPPINESS

justin: “taako like walks by [the voidfish] and you just hear him shout ‘give him the complete works of nathaniel hawthorne next!” griffin: “YOU FUCKING HATE THAT GUY!” justin: “fuck that guy” clint: “what do you have against nathaniel hawthorne???” justin: “he is the worst writer and everybody has to read him and it makes kids HATE reading” clint: “last of the mohicans???” justin: “thats- not him, thats james fenimore cooper” griffin: “BOO-YAH!!! [singing] take him toooo schoool” justin: “yall i know the name of TWO authors from that time period, and he did the ONE pull, that’s gonna sound so fucking smart” oh man maybe I really need to reevaluate my ranking of Favorite Mcelroys, justin just reached for the Deepest Cut To Make Me Love Him

magnus: “i don’t find anything useful in this library, so let that be a lesson, kids, you’ll never find anything useful reading books” yeah take that, you punk ass book jockeys

griffin: “I base it on just how much i like the scene, right? so take plus two bond” whoa what GRIFFY DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A SYSTEM FOR THIS SHIT?? HE’S JUST HANDING OUT BONDS AND ASSETS WILLY NILLY????

magnus: “oh, could i have been learning magic instead of feeding books to my buddy?” griffin: “your scene was really good though” magnus: “oh man i could have become a wizard” yeah and break the continuity of THE ENTIRE GODDAMN SHOW

this Lup and Taako’s Greatest Day chaotic destruction is the most fun shit that’s happened in this show

taako: “I pull off her blindfold to reveal this planet’s ONLY DMV. there’s one DMV on the entire planet” this planet has no people and no animals and no living anything besides the 7 ipre crew and yet there’s a DMV leftover from whatever civilization used to be here. UH UH UH SURE JUSTIN

jesus christ i can’t believe lup’s lich form dabbed in the goddamn middle of this ritual

travis: “griffin, i know this wasn't in the instructions you sent us, but I want to make a lightsaber, can I do that?" griffin: "absolutely not!"

the KrebStar is a dope name

griffin: "so like a lotta bear stuff, then, huh?" travis: "look im leaning into it"

travis: “I’m going to name the helmet BearFace- ya know, naming stuff isn’t magnus’s strong suit- and I’m going to call the pendant 2th Necklace”

griffin: “and she’s holding an umbrella” justin: “fuck you” THIS MOMENT IS SOOO GOOD

justin: "I think i speak for the rest of us, and like the entire audience, when i say I cannot wait to see what these fucking 7 items are"

“that was the last conversation you had with your sister” hey griffin. fuck you

“not all exits are equal” HEY GRIFFIN. REALLY REALLY FUCK YOU

oh man lucretia. i can’t believe you did that to everybody. man that’s. that’s rough

this is heartbreaking holy shit. barry begging his bestfriend TO KILL HIM so he won’t forget the love of his life is SOME GUTWRENCHING SHIT HOLY SHIT

this is a really amazing story and I’m so impressed with the way it evolved from a goofy mcelroy joke podcast into such an amazing compelling story

[phoenix-stfu-blog]

I Promise, You're Safe Here

Title? I Promise, you’re safe here. Chaptered? It might be ;) Word Count? 1393 Gendered? Yes, Female. X Reader? Yep danny x reader Warnings? anorexia, depression, self harm. PLEASE, if you are struggling, text ‘home’ to 741741. It is a crisis help line. ❤ The obnoxiously loud alarm on your phone blared in my ear, the alarm you had set for 9am. You groggily rolled out of bed, slipped on some dark, navy, ripped up skinny jeans that surprisingly still fit. See, you hate your body figure. No one knows this, except for your best friend, Arin. You’ve been friends for a long time, since you were about 7.

Currently you’re 32, and Arin is 30. It’s odd you’ve stuck by each other for this long. You put on your (f/c) hoodie, then walked out of your bedroom. You decided to call Arin, he told you that you could see where all the 'Grump magic happened’. He said he’d also introduce me to his wife, Suzy, his friend Danny, and some others like Ross and Barry. You grabbed the phone, and clicked his contact.

“Hey asshole, when are you picking me up to go to the Grump Sp-” You suddenly got cut off when Arin decided to burst through my front door. “Does that answer your question?” You let out a small chuckle, you were actually always impressed at how easily he could make you laugh. You two had practically the same humor. Dick humor.

“You always did know how to make me laugh, didn’t you Arin?” He smiled at your comment, but then he plopped himself on your grey couch. “I thought you were taking me to Grump Space?” He groaned, and just threw his keys on your coffee table. He sat up, and looked you directly in the eyes. His eyes were basically burning into you. That got deep.

“(y/n) i want to talk about something. It’s your wellbeing really-” You stopped him there. “Arin i really don’t want to talk about it. We’ve talked about it already, i’m okay! i promise.” You hadn’t looked at him the whole time, because you could never look him in the eyes while lying. He knew exactly when you were lying, and he could definitely tell now.

“Please don’t lie to me, i just want to make sure you’re actually okay. I won’t hurt you. You know i won’t.” He was right. You used to be abused by your father when you came out as bisexual. Because of that, you were always afraid someone would harm you. This caused you to self harm, some of the scars are still there on your thighs are wrists, hence why you always wear hoodies and pants. Sure, the pants had rips in them, but it was never too visible, so you wore them anyway. Arin used to always check your wrists, but he doesn’t anymore, surprisingly. Maybe it’s because you finally got your 'happy medicine,’ as people would call it. Recently, you stopped taking them.

“(y/n)? are you okay? You kinda spaced out there. Also just know, that no one at game grumps is going to judge you or hurt you in any possible way. I’ve known these guys for a long while now, just like you. First, did you take your meds?” You huffed at that last sentence. “Yes, i took my medicine. Can we go now?” Arin picked up his keys, then you two trudged out the door and into his car. Arin glanced over to you on occasion, but you were just staring into your phone.

“Did you eat breakfast yet? Or are you hungry?” You slowly look to Arin, knowing you haven’t eaten anything in a while. The only thing he doesn’t know about you is that you’re anorexic. He has no clue you haven’t eaten in days. “Uh, no i had some toast earlier. I’ll be good.” You bluntly stated. Arin just shrugged and said they’d order pizza later anyway. Suddenly, we stopped and pulled up to a building. “Our destination awaits.” Arin took his keys, and bursted open the door like it was his home. I mean, it basically was.

“WE’RE HERE!” Arin beamed, pretty sure Britain knows we’re in the Grump space. Danny basically leapt down the stairs, and started shouting. As usual. You started shaking, you hated when people yelled. You felt a panic attack coming on, nothing new. But there was something new, not being able to see anything. There were dark and hazy colors in the corners of your eyes, tears pricking your (e/c) eyes. “A-Arin.. st.. op.” You tried to state, but no use. He couldn’t hear you. Your breathing hitched, taking rapid, short breaths. Danny looked over, his face shifting from excitement to immediate concern.

“Holy shit. Arin? What the hell is wrong with her?” Danny scoffed at Arin. “Fuck dude! She told me she took her meds!” You started to black out, feeling claustrophobic. “Don’t t-touch me!” You screamed out, that being the only thing you could say. Arin and Danny simultaneously backed up from you, giving you some more space. Arin knew what to do, so he held up his hand and signaled 5 fingers. You knew what he was doing, so you tried to take a deep breath in, then release it.

Arin continued this for a couple of minutes, then walked you over to a couch. “It’s okay, we’re here. No ones going to hurt you. Are you okay now (y/n)?” Arin asked. Danny was sat next by you, saying sweet and encouraging words to you. “T-thank you. Just maybe n-next time don’t yell when i g-get here.” Arin and Dan felt really guilty for triggering a panic attack.

About an hour later, it was just you and Danny. Arin, Suzy, Holly, Ross, and Barry all went to go shopping. No clue why, but they did. Danny offered to stay behind with you, just in case something happened. Before the group left, Arin taught Danny what to do incase you had another attack. You and Danny were left on the couch, watching whatever was on. “So, (y/n),” he fiddled with your (h/c) hair, and your head was cuddled up against his chest. You found him very warm and safe.

Your legs were tucked under your thighs, and Danny’s legs were hanging off the couch. “What do you like to do in spare time?” Danny questioned. “I just like to watch you guys’ videos. Me and Arin have the same humor. As it turns out, me and you have a ton in common too. I happen to sing sometimes, and i have uncontrollable hair.” He chuckled, and fluffed your hair up. “I can confirm.” Danny laughed. His giggle was the cutest thing you’d heard in a while. Oh god, did you have a crush on Danny? Probably.

“You want something to eat, fluff?” He gave you the nickname fluff after he messed with your hair earlier on the couch. “No, i’m- uhm.. not hungry.” You lied. You’ve been hungry for days. But you needed to be skinnier, or else no one would like you. Truth is, under the jacket you’re skin and bones. You didn’t see that though.

Danny hadn’t seen you eat all day. “You sure? You haven’t eaten all day. And you’re getting really red- you must be sweating. Why don’t you take your jacket off?” Your head started pounding. “It’s fine Danny, really.” You couldn’t even roll up your sleeves. You had scars lined up and down your arms. “If you say so. At least eat something. please? you look hungry.” Danny insisted. You finally cracked, but you didn’t eat. You showed him your stomach.

“Danny, look at me,” You stood from your position on the couch, and lifted up your hoodie and t-shirt. “Im a freak. I know. Shame me now-” Before you could say anything more, he walked over to you and gave you a bear hug. “Why do you do this to yourself?” He wondered. “Because, i’m too fat, i don’t like my body. As long as i’m alive, i’ll be fine right?.. right?” Danny didn’t say a word, he was still hugging you, his head over your shoulder. “You’re beautiful, (y/n). Please do not let anyone tell you different. I promise, you’re safe here.”