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sugar-petals · 4 years ago

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sub!Yuzu | nsfw alphabet

🌹 NOTE ⇢ content for our fave figure skater, the legend himself. mr. yuzuru hanyu is 1000% dom candy and i’m here to honor it at length ⛸

— WORDS. 5k

tags + warnings. dom/sub dynamics, femdom!reader, role reversal hc, smut, kinks, cum play, spanking, sex toys, very freaky yuzu, kitten play, mdlb, crying kink, food play, prostate orgasms, bondage, some deeper stuff & angsty bits, asthma mention, aftercare

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Once the cat ears come off, who is Yuzuru Hanyu not to remain in character for a while. For the shits and giggles, and because it’s cozy. Once a catboy, always a catboy, it’s the law of the land. Curling up, kneading at you for the head pats and massages, you know the programme.

Also: Yuzu is famously soft-spoken and always finds the right thing to say. So, stimulating conversation for the cooldown. This is literally so nice. He’s unafraid to reflect everything in detail, say what he preferred, what you could change up together, what he wants to try next. The afterglow is not just physical, as in you give him something to drink, it’s 70% verbal which is very important to him as a consistent habit.

Of course, not to forget: Always gotta have a Winnie Pooh plushie ready. He embraces it readily and, as we know him, does some roleplay right then and there. Yuzu, professional cutiepie he is, is the kinda sub who treats all plush and pillow stuff as alive and breathing. You as his domme are in on the play and also treat his things as holy as they are to him. That Yuzu lets you into that world is the biggest compliment you can possibly get.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

We all know Yuzu’s godly ass and thighs. Or the staggering waist and beautiful black hair that makes him a total bombshell in his classic comb-back styles. His face is soft and expressive and so damn unique, his legs muscular and long, his back and tummy chiseled, the list goes on and on. Jesus, he has so many great features. All body parts a masterpiece. That are all capable of god-tier contortionism on top of that, gotta mention it in passing. Just so you know if you haven’t seen him bend his every limb into directions you wouldn’t believe are humanly possible.

Interestingly though. If he chooses, Yuzu picks his feet: They are his most important instrument and weak spot. His ankles are where the magic happens. So, you taking care of them a little would mean the world to him, imagine a candle light massage. Not to worry, no-gross-alert. Yuzu has perfect and cute feet. That’s gonna be a Victorian moment, oh my god I saw his ankles. For his partner, short and simple: He likes a shoulder to lean on. He loves being touchy in general, all body parts are amazing to him. Being in a profession that’s all about the physics, Yuzuru knows about the wonders of the body.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Certified king of cumsluts, doesn’t even hesitate. The more, the merrier. If he’s not covered in sticky stuff, Yuzu would be underchallenged. It’s less about the taste, texture or any degradation, for him it’s the playing around with his tongue. Somebody wants his mouth preoccupied. Give the cat his milk. Feed him his own cum mixed with yours. He’s gonna lap at it and swallow.

Since Yuzu’s dream is a mommy domme baking him something, he just loves the smell of dough and hazelnuts and cinnamon and everything — you know what’s coming: Imagine the food play. Nuts indeed. Anything that even remotely looks like a creampie is something he wants to get his lips on. And Yuzu is not the type to be a foodie at all, let that sink in. Sexual-looking food is just too big a temptation, though. And you spoiling him that way... oh my. Surefire way to end up in bed right after.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has a butt plug collection. Once almost went on the ice with one in. The more you know. Also— this guy is the kinda type fantasizing to get absolutely railed on a bed of plushies. He has troubles suggesting it to you because he doesn’t want them to get actually dirty. But the idea gets the two of you kind of horny. Sometimes, a thought is better as a fantasy than actually executing it. You can use it for riling up’s sake, whispering it to him during dirty talk. How you’ll bounce on him and ruin him and milk him while he’s splayed out so innocently on your bed. I smell corruption kink.

Another secret Yuzu keeps is just how much he changed his mind about wanting his partner to control everything in bed. He grew up with a pre-defined ideal type of a cute, nice skater girl who’d let the reins very loosely around him, who he can speak Japanese to because he had problems with English, who is small and someone he will protect. It wasn’t something based on experience and trying things out: It was simply expected of him. People wanted the domineering Yuzuru on ice to be that way in private, and make use of his power, be a man, savior, boss.

The reality being: He never felt truly as tough on the ice, nor was he gender-conforming in person. In fact, that is what he became famous for, and it reassured Yuzuru very often how people would accept and actually celebrate this side of him. Which is so refreshing, and a sight to see. The side that was dorky, clingy, childish, gorgeous, and cute has always been there, but now he embraces it more as his comfort place. He has to know what he’s doing in his skating programme and show competitive spirit to achieve his dreams, but that’s where it stops.

His former ideals are something people wanted to hear, it was an adaptation of the environment rather than thinking it through on his own. So, years later — oh boy have things changed. Yuzuru no longer defines his ideal type that way, saying whoever he likes is someone he’d be with. What was a fantasy template and filter is now gone and adapted to his newfound, own preferences. Yuzu is comfortably open-minded rather than being a copy to mainstream. He found fun in speaking English, opened up to the world at large, had more girls around him who he could befriend, grew more confident in his stature, and is well aware — turns out he’s the cute one. Who needs to be taken under a wing. He likes strong-minded girls and says if he had a wife, she’d dominate him. Yuzuru secretly wants her to be in charge entirely, she owns his body and soul. Not in daily life where things are just normal and everyone goes about their business. Sexually, where he surrenders instead, and is taken care of.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

The tale of an introvert. What he knows — he hides it well. Has eyefucked a whole lot of people and is the type to lust like mad from a far distance, and nobody will ever know. Crushes harder than peppercorns in a mill. If he loves someone, it lingers in his mind every split second of the day, may god have mercy on him. And if you know him: Yuzu aims too high to keep it light and easy and clumsy. He hates being an amateur, he’s terrified of starting out something. He dreads not knowing what to do, how exactly to behave, talk, touch, breathe, respond, negotiate, prepare. That’s a hundred percent like hell to him.

Ironically, he has a natural feeling for it and he’s literally amazing in bed, has a sense for social interaction is all the way cute with something valuable to say. But what he believes is something way different. Yuzuru is a diehard, nervous perfectionist. He can only think of it as a rated performance since his mind usually has to work that way to skate well. His esteem is on a knife edge depending on how well he thinks he does. So, the inevitable: He will shy away from sex altogether. He draws immense skating passion from staying celibate, in fact it’s his success secret, but it still eats him up from the inside and makes him frustrated beyond measure. Not even for the pleasure, since he’s so ambitious that’s almost forgotten about, but for being told he did well.

That’s how much he believes sex is a drill and capability test. And it’s sad that he thinks it’s like his skating career, racking up points for the impossible things judges want and being in a deadlock when it comes to showing his artistic side. He feels thrown into cold water if he doesn’t know everything beforehand. If he ever works up the courage, which probably won’t happen, he will pay an expert to learn from rather than let something all over the place happen with a random person or even someone he might like.

Yes, you heard that right. He’d rather see a sex worker than ‘mess up’ his first time according to his sky-high standards. So, Yuzu’s experience remains limited since he’s so 100% do or die, and so anxious, and so torn about social interaction, he doesn’t get how his peers can be playboys and get married and flirt with someone they like and all that. He sort of has an easier time with guys, but girls... he can’t approach. To top it off, he also feels like he’d burden his first time one somebody or embarrasses himself, so he will reject and avoid suitors. Those are usually not the people he crushes so hard on to begin with. It’s bound to be one-sided and he knows, so he will abstain and focus on career and use the cheers of his fans as a substitute.

Truth is, he feels helpless and distant from sex sometimes, especially with his practice-heavy lifestyle and hyper-smart mind, Yuzuru has an intelligence that exceeds what most people can grasp. He’s alone on the ice and Brian as a coach is often the only reference person who truly gets him, and leads him well without being controlling. But that’s professional life. Sexually, Yuzuru is metaphorically: coachless. He surely observed it well when Javier (the #1 ladies man, his opposite) was still active and a social butterfly helping him fit in, but Yuzu would always be worried about his extreme fame and spotless image when introduced to someone fangirling over him. He’d rather prefer someone who comes across as a mentor and solid, loyal-to-death person to look up to. So he would do anything to have someone benevolent like that. Most girls would expect him to be the sex god and expert, but he knows that’s only half of the story and based on his characters on the ice. Yuzu crafts these to counterbalance how he really is — withdrawn and indirect.

Yuzu is extremely calculating and selective, he scans suitors well, protects his reputation, and is mortified of failure. So, he’d rather learn it by the book and from someone he’s not emotionally attached to. In a one-night stand that might also be the case, but he doesn’t know what to expect, and he’s absolutely terrified of sudden sexual vulnerability. He himself often says he values his own struggle between feeling so weak and being strong again

Besides: He’d have problems squeezing hookups into his schedule and lifestyle, he’d have to cut down on things and create a double life. Plus, Yuzu is famously inept with social interaction up close, he flees the noise and unpredictability. So, it’s better to have a long-term partner. If he doesn’t know something yet, he has it down in one day like the single axel. Definitely counts on his partner teaching him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

We know Yuzu’s signature move is the lean-back Ina Bauer. So, whatever position allows for an arch is the real deal (cough, taking the strap — oh my god his ass is made for it). But anyway, he can pull off anything with that stellar flexibility and core strength.

If I think about it. Yuzu might like sitting on your lap very much. I know it’s not a sex position, I mean it can be once his inner lapdancer awakens or you use a strap-on, I rather mean... just for some sweet moments and making out. But yeah: Fathom Yuzu gyrating on your like that. Not in an outright lascivious manner or Chippendales style. The Hanyu way, with embellishments and all the grace. This is gonna be a huge turn-on and perfect foreplay position.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not much to elaborate here: Yep, Yuzu is true goofball indeed. Really flustered and clumsy when eye-to-eye in missionary, and yet: He’s ultra serious towards the end, there’s gonna be an aggressive staredown before cumming. The feeling gets pretty intense, his duality between silly and ‘yeah, give it to me’ is no joke.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Would probably die from inflammation if he shaved clean under those tight suits and did all these chafe-heavy skating routines. Doesn’t have a lot of body hair to begin with, but for pits and pubes, it’s alive, wild, and decently long. Out of all people, Yuzu cares particularly about aesthetics, but in this case pragmatism will prevail. He doesn’t care too much about it either as long as it doesn’t get in the way of something. Having sex with Yuzu tends to be well um well all about a hundred types of friction so any stubble would be a bad idea.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You haven’t seen a guy in love like that. It’s a figure skater thing for sure. Since he works to portray these sentiments on the ice daily, hardly anybody can play up feelings so delicately and palpably like Yuzuru. Emotion is what his entire career is built on. He knows how to express himself directly, appropriately, intimately. Couldn’t be any more romantic. Yuzu can’t go without it.

Very passionate, ‘for your eyes only’ kind of atmosphere. Yes, he shows off on the ice, it’s his job (although of course, that word doesn’t really sum up what skating means to him). But private Yuzu is someone you can claim as yours. He will make it clear, he wants to belong to you, he’s yours, dedicated, devotion is the entire point. Less with a slant of what some subs like, very hands-on ownership of a mistress. It’s more emotional. He’s really attached and all smitten. Your private little haven is everything to him.

Talking about little: Yuzu can be quite a pillow prince sometimes. At least when the initiative doesn’t go back and forth as it frequently does, you often alternate with suggestions and ways of tweaking an ongoing play session. You blindfold him or tie his wrists, He might be standard tired from practice or just fascinated to watch you work your magic on him.

He also likes music to set the tone for intimacy, who’s surprised. Prepare: Yuzu likes dramatic classical music all the way. He’s probably one of the few people who can make it more than ‘classy’ and definitely more than cringe. He selects pieces very well. This is gonna be a practice template to cum together when the music reaches its peak. Makes the whole thing full of adrenaline.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Lots of fun to him. Would beat it 24/7 if the ice wasn’t calling him. Drowns himself in lube. This guy’s me-time is so rated R, Cardi B would be inspired to remix WAP to wet ass penis as an anthem just for him. A dry dick is a ruined day for Yuzuru, as is a session without teasing his prostate in whatever way he currently fancies. Once he tried it, he never went back. The intensity knocking him out is something that Yuzu thinks about all the time. Strokes like a pro, does all these little moans, can do it forever, loves the feeling, chases the high. Adrenaline junkie on the ice? No different with his hand around his cock.

Will masturbate everywhere in the house and has to really get his head in the game to make sure he won’t ruin any carpets. So, he always has at least two towels with him. In the kitchen, in front of the TV, in the shower, the bed. Watches his fair share of eclectic porn, he gets really desperate. Especially before you started dating, Yuzu would shut himself in until the lotion ran out. Can jack off to something romantic (he starts crying) or something extreme (he loves shocking himself and ).

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Very curious about sadomasochism. Googles a lot of things that make him hard during the day. Often jawdropped by his research, but once he tries things out with you, nothing can really shock him anymore. Absolutely wants to be collared, it’s his biggest fantasy. Another little secret he has, Yuzu is decked out in skating gloves, right. He wishes he could feel you wearing them, or he keeps them on for sex himself, the lacey transparent ones. Looks especially pretty when his wrists are tied so, major photograpy material. Oh yes, Yuzu likes the camera, he can work it. The guy is photogenic in any position and can strike any angle you want. Your phone background is a new Yuzu snapshot every week already, imagine your gallery, 5800 kinky pictures.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

I’m gonna say it. The frozen lake out of town, late at night, condoms and lube with you. A quickie that will leave your genitals frozen. Yuzu might get stuck inside you because it’s -15 Celsius. Call that fantasy on ice. Jokes aside: Come on, Yuzu is the biggest ever hermit homebody. The couch will have a bunch of indents after your week-long fucking sessions after he comes home training. Also, at his desk while he does work for university. You ride him, Yuzu studies. Double the ambition. His dick is completely sore. The lake out of town thing might go down, but without sex. Just skating together under the stars, Yuzu doing amazing spins and spirals around you, very very romantic.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Yuzu is a crazed Sagittarius. Have you seen these men? They just want it all. Must be the influence of Jupiter. Zeus was definitely vibing that way. And yes, Yuzu has borderline unhealthy gold medal thinking in bed. He wants to be not just good but damn good with pleasing you. If you don’t have a good time and head home without an orgasm, he’ll consider himself a failure. Yuzu won’t cut himself any slack there. You’d have a hard time changing his ways into something more chill and moderate. Instead, you will see the benefits of rolling with it once you see how improvement fuels him and does make sex really mindblowing.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Couldn’t do things like slapping you, spanking. Yuzu makes for a terrible daddy dom, it’d not suit him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Cum-dripping oral mess, Yuzu is the brave kind. Totally into it, and can’t resist a good blowjob. Will act different afterwards, there’s a lot of erotic tension. “This evening again?” is what those eyes are saying.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Outstanding kinesthetic intelligence. Every inch of his body follows his intent, and yours if you have him take on certain ways of kneeling. Yuzu can do it all, whatever you want. Tantalizing, moderato, overwhelmingly fast. He can take it, he can portray it. And knows the value of a pause like a true connoisseur. Not just when he wants to prevent cumming early, also just because the moment is right. That’s why cockwarming is a staple, as well as you having him wait patiently for kisses. To top it off: If you give him a blowjob, building up the tension by doing nothing is damn effective. The ruined orgasms you’re gonna give him... delicious.

Everything’s gonna have nice transitions as well, no awkward climbing and rolling and tangling limbs. If he gets something from another room that you need, no slouching. The university course as good as the extracurricular activities. Being inconsistent with any subsidiary details? Not in the Hanyu household, he’s keeping it classy. Yuzu feels like if he makes the bridges to new positions even remotely messy, the feeling is killed and it’s as if he’d break character mid-skate. Although he’ll have to practice and refine and test a lot of things because he’s not super experienced and adapting to your own movements is an individualized thing to do, he’s a masterclass of quality, period.

Even when things get fast and heated, nothing feels off. Having that kind of body smartness also means: Yuzu learns by touch, whatever you do. He knows by the way you pull his hair what comes next. How much saliva drips off your tongue when you suck at his neck, he knows how hard you’ll to ravage him in five minutes. This guy observes things you aren’t even conscious of because his physical understanding is just so fine-tuned.

The sense of rhythm, and every skating programme of him will showcase that, unbeatable. Unless his mood is really impacted by something severe, your guy feels it in every bone. He’s an artist, after all, he listens to music all the time. Dissecting rhythms to turn them into movement is what his line of work is all about. The pace will always fit the mood. Everything is precise, but never crude. Instead, the way he moves is dictated by an inherent flow. With little accents that match right with any thrust, like putting his hands on your sides when you’re on top of him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Hit it Shakira: Whenever, wherever! He seemingly carries an entire condom factory with him. Or, to be more exact: At least three of them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

This one’s a complicated case. Yuzu being reckless on the ice may or may not mirror in your private life. He might need some downtime, so bring out the soft domme stuff. No trial and error stuff, just going through a routine of things you love the most. On the other hand, he always gives it all. This guy’s endurance at your hands is amazing. Advanced kinds of BDSM he will not feel deterred from at all. Rough toys, anal hooks, sounding, whips, why not is Yuzu’s motto. But then again. He has such a confusing mix of innocence and feeling like he’s completely hardcore. You might end up experimenting a lot, but also not daring the leap sometimes because the mood is different. And then rather go for softer hours, where Yuzu will be all shy shy and more bursting with excitement than ever. A good, interesting mix is what I’m saying.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Yuzuru, once he gets a bit of practice to gauge the situation... Viagra on two legs, absolute unexpected powerhouse. You might end up pondering to work out a little and go for a run because this guy is in a consistently outstanding shape to say the least. Olympic athletes are literally hard to fuck with. And since Yuzu is starfishing sometimes (which is very adorable), or he’s in bondage for some time, that presents a further problem: For a second round, he’s full of energy, while you already spent energy. So, you alternate with who’s active, and the other leans back entirely. He has to remind himself since his body is programmed for it: This is no contest — the point is feeling good.

You might ride him reverse cowgirl all the way while you watch TV, and after the overstimulation fades he will eat you out ad nauseam, full course slobbering, sweeping the whole menu. That way, it’s less about keeping up with him, which would be hard for most people not doing sports at his galactic level. He understands, Yuzu knows he’s not normal in that regard, you don’t have to worry. Some exercise still doesn’t hurt, just to further increase the quality of sex anyway.

Then again: Why go jogging and do some laps wasting valuable together time when Yuzu’s lap is the best workout? And running doesn’t guarantee your stamina in bed is perfect even if it does help. You rather wanna manage how to draw out the arousal. It’s a self-control thing, with the goal of having you match up in every aspect as good as you can. In which case, you can count on him to pull it off: Have you seen Yuzu doing jumps side by side with a bunch of female skaters? Copy paste. This guy knows how to synchronize with the ladies.

Something that has to be mentioned beside that, though. Yuzu has asthma since 2 years old, and it’s often a mind thing to him still these days. He doesn’t let it stop him from sleeping with you because as always, he’s not letting anything get in his way. He has learned to live and thrive with it. But you both have to mind the possibility of an attack, he prevents it with inhalers, and the mood plays a crucial role. Yuzu being comfortable and confident is so important to his breathing, and keeping a good rhythm rather than being chaotic in bed. So, you will plan most of your sexual activities rather than improvising.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Would stuff an entire sex shop into his every available orifice. Yuzu is a toy freak, he wants to try everything. Motto: a new one every day. Well, almost. But he can afford it. Buys stuff he uses solely on himself, things you use on him, things he uses solo and you use on him, and as the cherry on top, every possible high end vibrator on the market for you. Any size, too. This bitch will browse through the latest innovations, prepare to get off. He’s obsessed with seeing you use it on yourself. Yuzu owns a separate phone just for videos of you buzzing your clit, and him fingering you for minutes and minutes.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Extremely so. Loves to be a total brat only to get put into his place. He does it so you’ll pull the chin grab on him. He likes getting choked out as a punishment as well. Yuzu also tends to be very around the corner if you will when it comes to soft subbing, he lays over expecting cuddles but doesn’t say so. Buds his head against your chest, nuzzles, and so on. Lighter forms of teasing come to him very easily. Loves to prompt. Roughhousing, banter, favorite thing.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Moderately loud because his voice is very very light, but unsurprisingly — he’s just beautiful. What a nice tone. Gorgeous whimpering sounds. And when you go hard on him, voice cracks! And really heavy breathing. What’s gonna be the most striking though is his expressiveness. We know it from the ice and interviews, and he can really amp it up even further. No need for screaming, that face will speak the volumes.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You’ll be blessed with him if you have a huge crying kink. Yuzu definitely opens the waterworks every other week in bed. Happy tears, horny tears, relief tears, aftercare tears, orgasm tears, masochist tears, romantic tears, subspace tears, he has it all. He also begs for the type of pain that makes it stream down his face for minutes. He’s touchy-feely all the way and feels like he can really connect with you that way.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His ass twitching is kind of a spectacle, but I don’t have to tell you, do I. Yuzu has muscles for the gods in there. So voluptuous, you can’t call it any other way. Big booty boyfriend, Jesus you can show him off, he loves it. Around the house, he will flaunt them big ole athlete buns in particular, acting like it’s unintended. Um, Yuzu, those are joggings. Smack it, he is sure to moan.

And may I respectfully mention as well — this guy has some major big ass balls figuratively and literally. How else would someone be motivated to jump a triple axel like it’s nothing. Not kidding, they’re big and round and ugh. His love for tight pants doesn’t help. He knows what your eyes like and dresses just to flex the goods. Screams for more spanking and pinching if you ask me. Yuzu is definitely serving it. Well-endowed, you lucky girl.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Mega horny, ready when you are. On a scale from zero to hundred? Breaching into the 90 percent right there. Yuzu’s hormones are literally insane. On paper he’s 26, but his dick wants the 18th birthday party. Jesus is he gonna be clingy when he’s in the mood. All wrapped around you in a backhug in the kitchen or when you iron a costume of his, and that’s sexy of him. He’s not gonna hide what’s filling out those sweatpants. He’ll desperately grind up against you like it’s Christmas.

Paired with his puppy eyes and little “Do you have some time... I’ll iron this tomorrow” — instant pounce. He’s admittedly a bit hard to keep up with sometimes, though. The reason: With that level of exercise, he has major pent-up energy. That machine is definitely running. Heavy sports changes your hormones, nervous system, and especially blood flow. Now take that to the scale of his performances and regimens? That equals a firework of horny. No wonder he masturbates all the time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Takes some time. He cools down, sweats it out, chugs water. However, don’t underestimate how tired Yuzu can already be. His daily routines and competitions have a toll on him. Ironically, he’s not a deep sleeper, however. Yuzu might toss and turn and have sudden energy bursts, or ideas, or gets hungry. So, he needs his plushies, he needs a weighted blanket, warm pajamas, a hot cup of his favorite warm drink, a light snack, and you by his side. Spooning him excessively and sometimes even humming to him. Yuzu looks like a certified angel on his pillow, his well-deserved rest from everything is so important, too.

NOTE - hope i could indulge you, thank you for reading!

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dying-suffering-french-stalkers · 3 years ago

Note

For the ship game: prime numbers for Lupin x Jigen!

HERE YOU GO GHOST, THIS WAS FIVE PAGES IN A GOOGLE DOC AND TOOK ME SEVERAL HOURS

Under a cut, allegedly, though mobile has been known to just IGNORE THAT. Sorry in advance if this gets goofed for anyone.

2) Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, in any place?

Lupin, obviously (and canonically). Just the horniest man you ever did see. Jigen knows what he wants and when he wants it, but he has difficulty keeping up with Don Juan Triumphant over there. Lupin is also far less picky about locations and times than Jigen is. Jigen still has a FEW standards, thank you, and also a stronger sense of self-preservation. Lupin sometimes tries to start shit in public or during a heist and Jigen is like “I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT BUT CAN WE NOT.” The closest to public anything Jigen will put up with is bar bathroom/back-alley hookups, and he doesn’t really tend to do that with Lupin or Goemon since they have secondary locations far more suited to such activity (or at least the damn Fiat, if nothing else). That said, Jigen is a spiteful bastard and gets a huge kick out of riling Lupin up over the walkie-talkie during jobs. He is more than happy to get jumped by his boss after they make it out and secure the loot.

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

Honestly, while I can totally see Lupin and Jigen doing this with their other partners, I have a harder time imagining the two of them doing this together and I’m not sure why. I feel like these two on their own both like the privacy bathing gives them, whether it’s to clean wounds or decompress from a job.

On the occasions when they do bathe together, I feel like it’s an unspoken kind of thing, where the other person quietly slips in the tub/shower with them and they just don’t bother protesting. I think Lupin is more likely to join Jigen in his bathing, but if Jigen is sleepy enough or lonely enough he might do the same. There is a lot of mutual appreciation of scars. They’ve definitely smoked in the tub before (Intricate Rituals™). Lupin is probably more likely to get handsy, because Lupin, but two can play that game if Jigen is feeling it, and also Jigen gives Lupin a run for his money in the staring department. No hat to hide behind now.

Lupin has also 100% done the whole “Hey Jigen, do you know if—stop screaming, it’s me—do you know if we have any more instant dashi? Goemon’s gonna slice up the sofa if I ruin soba night again.”

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

Jigen, but to be fair, he canonically sleeps on the couch most nights (possibly to keep an eye on the door, possibly because he knows that place, at least, is always “acceptable” for him to occupy). It’s an odd night if you don’t see Jigen out there with a glass and a bottle of scotch and an old movie on TV. The main difference is that if he and Lupin have been fighting, he won’t bother with the formality of a glass and the TV will be playing far louder or not at all.

7) [A] Who said “I love you” first? And [B] who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

I hate to take the coward’s way out here, but I think the answers are A) either one - depends on the headcanon/fic/version of the characters I’m feeling that day, and B) both.

For A, they’re both the sort of people to show their love—true love/affection, not just flirtation/infatuation, LUPIN—in action, not words. Lupin is a man of many words to a fault, generous with his verbal and physical affection, so Lupin has to find a way to make sure Jigen knows he means it and how he means it. He may rightly fear that Jigen won’t believe him (or else believe him but take it platonically) if he says “I love you” to his face, so first he’ll show him through every little action he can. Jigen is a man of few words to a fault, so saying personal stuff like that out loud is both a last resort and the point of no return. Getting him to say it at all, unambiguously, and while sober is like pulling teeth. Once one of them finally spits it out, though, I think the other is quick to reciprocate (again, if they manage to say it clearly and under good circumstances and not ambiguously/while drunk or wounded/etc. They’re both idiots and selective cowards so this is a big if). The mutual relief is palpable and immediately followed by sex, because they’re both (horny) idiots and selective cowards who do not want to talk about Emotions and Personal Things any more than strictly necessary.

For B, ohhhh man, if it isn’t that same emotional avoidance coming to bite them in the asses! Looks like talking about deep emotions is strictly necessary after all! You know it’s a Big Important Argument for them if this is what it comes to. This is going to tie in somewhat to the answers for 11, 17, and 23, so stay tuned. “Because I love you” coming from either of them should give the other pause, but if they are angry enough, they’re both quite likely to storm off after that declaration anyway. They’ll come back and have a real discussion later, but the shock or frustration of that arresting declaration dropped in the middle of an argument is something neither of them are great at dealing with. Hearing that from Jigen might be enough to stop Lupin in his tracks, but Lupin might also be so dead-set on something that he’ll steamroll right over it even if he knows he’ll regret it later. Hearing that from Lupin probably only makes Jigen angrier because of his awful self-esteem (see answers 11 and 23), and even if he’s been working on that, his instinct will be to snarl “Yeah, right” and storm out the door. I like to think that one day they are able to get to the heart of the argument sooner (because this is almost always it) and work on the behaviors that worry the other so much, but alas, they are a mess.

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Once again, either of them depending on the day.

As you mentioned in your JiGoe post, Jigen says it partly because he thinks it’s funny (“You have a crush on me, Boss? Fuckin’ embarrassing”) but also because he’s fishing for validation. His self-esteem/confidence in anything outside his shooting skills is shit and he still can’t quite believe that Lupin isn’t lying/he hasn’t conned Lupin into something. This is rather overestimating his conning skills and underestimating his many good qualities, but, well, genuine, lasting affection is kinda new for him. Much to Jigen’s annoyance, Lupin figures out exactly what Jigen’s up to after the first few times and answers him seriously (and positively) instead of continuing the “joke”. Lupin loses patience for this particular tactic over time but I like to think that Jigen finally begins believing in the affection, too, so it comes up less and less and one day Jigen might actually play the quip straight without the self-deprecation. Ideally he would just take the damn compliment, but it’s LupJig and banter is one of their love languages.

When Lupin says it, he typically is playing the quip straight and fondly giving Jigen shit for showing an Emotion and motherFUCKER I just realized Jigen could probably be considered a tsundere. I hate this. ANYWAY. Jigen then immediately snarks back that yes, Lupin, considering we’ve been travelling the world together and actively fucking for X years, it’d be damn awkward if I didn’t by now.

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

Lupin absolutely initiates duets, or rather, he tries to; whether or not Jigen actually chimes in is another matter entirely. Lupin is also the better singer by far (when he’s sober). He loves singing along to pop and rock in the car (“This is the reason God invented America!”).

Much as it would please me personally to give Jigen a smooth operatic baritone, there’s no way in hell he sounds good after smoking a pack a day for twenty-something years. I think Jigen can carry a tune and he’s a decent hummer and whistler, but his singing voice isn’t spectacular.

Lupin occasionally succeeds in getting Jigen to join him in car karaoke, though as in all things, Lupin is much louder and more impassioned. Jigen frequently hums along under his breath, though, and Lupin loves hearing Jigen’s a cappella renditions of classical music (complete with hand motions).

When Queen starts becoming popular, car singalongs become much more involved because it’s MY silly headcanon and You Are Not Immune To Queen. Jigen cried the first time he heard “Bohemian Rhapsody” and he will kill Lupin if he ever tells Goemon or, God forbid, Fujiko. When the four of them are in the car it’s a full-on Wayne’s World headbanging party. (Pops is the drunk guy they pick up along the way. Also, seeing Payless Shoe Source in this clip dealt me psychic damage.)

Lupin and Jigen (and Goemon) are the living embodiment of the drunk friends singing “Sweet Caroline” post, and Jigen is specifically this version of “Sweet Caroline”.

17) Who is more protective?

THAT IS THE QUESTION, HUH, GHOST? Jigen’s job and, to a certain degree, raison d’être is protecting Lupin, but (to cheat slightly and quote your own DM to me), if you think Lupin won’t raze everything to the ground to keep Jigen (and the others) safe, you don’t know him at all. They are this meme to the deepest of faults. They are both so desperately afraid of losing what they have (and in Lupin’s case, this is tinged with a bonus, even more concerning “what is his”) that they will go full self-sacrificing, scorched-earth policy. This is, in fact, my favorite reason for Lupin to do the worst thing he does: fake his own death to protect his partners. Lupin never stops to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, he should trust his partners to fake grief and keep the secret long enough for whoever’s on their tail to give up or let their guard slip. Lupin is willing to hurt them in an effort to protect them, so in that way, I suppose Lupin is the “most” “protective”. Jigen’s self-abasement to the point of unhesitating and perhaps even hasty sacrifice is painful, too, but Jigen would never dare go to the same level of deception (except in Goodbye, Partner, apparently? But 1) I haven’t watched it yet and 2) while awful, I still feel like fake betrayal pales in comparison to very convincingly (AND MAYBE REPEATEDLY) faked death).

19) Who drives and who has the window seat?

They split driving duties, but Lupin genuinely loves driving and Jigen is more than happy to prop his feet on the Fiat’s dashboard and smoke or sleep the hours away.

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the other’s love? and who’s more afraid of losing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!! I think the answer to all of these is ultimately Jigen, but that’s not to say Lupin doesn’t share the exact same worries.

Jigen has a very difficult time believing that his partners’ love is genuine, and since Lupin is the one he knew first, that’s where it first manifests. Jigen has had very, very few good romantic connections in his life (if any). He doesn’t know what Lupin could possibly see in an older, prickly hired killer with a drinking problem and a head full of demons. He’s willing to believe that Lupin keeps him around for his skills, for protection, and for sex, sure, but anything past that? Doubtful. This ties into the other two parts of the question: Jigen is afraid that if he fails in his sharpshooting or his protection, he will be cut out of the gang, or worse, Lupin will end up dead because Jigen slipped up. As mentioned in question 17, Jigen cannot bear to lose Lupin and he would never forgive himself if he believed it was somehow his fault. Accordingly, Jigen takes “failure” that exceeds his usual margin of error very seriously in the early days. Later, he is better about this, but the worst-case scenario still stands.

Lupin, on the other hand, has had plenty of romantic connections, some good, some bad, though it is perhaps telling that Fujiko is his longest romantic relationship other than Jigen. He is afraid that if he doesn’t put on the world’s greatest show at all times, no one will give a rat’s ass about some scrawny grandson of an old French thief (or the perhaps unwanted/disliked son of a ruthless crime lord, because I love that fanon for Lupin the Second). He must live up to and indeed surpass the previous Lupins, he must shower his partners in money and adventure, he must always, always come out on top no matter how south the plan goes, or else what is the point of him? It takes time for him to turn his persona off for more than a few seconds, to let the quieter, sometimes contemplative side that slips through the cracks come to rest out in the open. Years down the road, Jigen finally gets up the courage and the words to tell Lupin that he would love him no matter what he did or where he went, even if that was nothing and nowhere. And again, see question 17 re: losing Jigen.

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

Lupin is by far the most guilty of this. He’s constantly pulling dumb shit, whether that be for World-Renowned Gentleman Thief reasons or just He May Be Stupid reasons. Case in point: the tunnel scene in The First, after which Jigen was duly impressed. Fortunately for Lupin, Lady Luck must be head over heels for him because the bastard keeps surviving, but sometimes even she can’t save him from medical consequences. Jigen bulk-ordered “Stupid Hurts” band-aids specifically for Lupin. Jigen’s bad choices are more likely to literally backfire on him, but Goemon more than makes up for Jigen’s slack in the Crazy Stunt department.

#I CARE THEY #hope this is comprehensible bc i honestly cannot tell #i have many thoughts on these two human disasters #lupin iii #jigen #asks #the-golden-ghost #long post #meta #I GUESS #can you believe i wrote five pages of meta about 1970s comedy anime characters? fucking hell. i love this fandom.#ship meme

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youwontlikethisblog · 3 years ago

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She's Ugly!

In a previous post I briefly touch on the subject of Armando and his belief of love. Here I will be going into more detail on my personal experiences as a writer who has written complex OC's with a very similar nature to that of Armando. I will be talking about some pretty heavy topics here so this is your warning if they make you uncomfortable or trigger you.

As a writer you spend most of your time doing research. You don't really spend it writing as more than 75% of the time is dedicated to researching the entirety of your story and it's characters. That means you research on mental health, social behaviors, addictions, learned behavior, coping mechanisms, ect... to create an authentic and realistic character.

When I was doing research for my OC, based on the past I wrote for them I had to look into the consequences that it carried into adulthood. I had to do a lot of research on coping mechanism and seggs addiction(I write really sad characters um but that's besides the point. Also try explaining your search history when you've got tabs and tabs about centers that deal with that addiction and so on).

[Below this I will talk about Seggsual Addiction and such. if it makes you uncomfortable skip to the next [RED]].

Doing that research I found out that many people who do have that addiction often use it as a form of escapism, control, or due to a lot more severe trauma. Sometimes it's just the feeling you get from that. Some have this addiction because of low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and also because it's something they can control, or at the very least in their denial stage they believe that they can.

Seggs Addiction is when someone cannot function without it. When it becomes a problem in that person's life and ruins friendships, relationships, and their professional life. It can range from content watching to actual action of the addiction. This is a serious problem as it often leaves the people feeling helpless, dirty, lowers the quality of life and they feel a lot of shame due to it and it's something that they need professional help to be able to control and overcome, just like drug addiction.

[Now I will be talking about Armando and why this relates to this breakdown. You may proceed.]

Do I believe Armando has that? Not necessarily. I am not a professional so I cannot diagnose someone with that. I just know a lot about the subject because I had to do research on the topic in the past.

Armando is a complex character. The reason I bring this up is because he does show traits of it. Do his affairs get in the way of his professional life? Somewhat. Does it ruin friendships? Yes. Does it ruin relationships? Yes, mainly his.

We know Armando has had an array of women in his life. He is desired by a lot of women(I seriously do however believe that Mario is a s. addict).

I've thought about this part of his character for a while. I really don't know what Fernando Gaitan researched or what inspired him to write Armando's character so this is really just my own personal speculation and is not a fact of the show.

From the start we are told that Armando is a man with refined taste and high standards for his women. The secretaries tells this to Betty, if I'm not mistaken Marcela mentioned it once, and Mario tells him all the time.

A poster here in the tag made a post about the situation of Mario and Aura Maria and they did a really good job at breaking down this side of Armando; that he doesn't have a refined taste or high standards for women but rather he doesn't like involving himself with women who are not in the same social statues and circles as him because of the abuse of power that it entitles.

When he told Mario he wanted to fire Claudia for being crazy Mario reminded him of what he told him when he wanted Armando to fire Aura Maria and because of that Armando decides not to personally fire Claudia, it wasn't until Marcela asked for her head that he asked Hugo to fire her.

Now let me step away from the story and explain why I have this speculation.

Armando's parents aren't very active in his life. They're only there when it comes to the company or his relationship with Marcela(I already talked about his parents in The Art of Subtly in YSBLF post) now imagine that as you're growing up. That your parents aren't actively in your life unless you're achieving or accomplishing something. We know Armando has a sister that doesn't talk to their parents and is only in contact with him. That their mother possibly ruined her marriage to a man because he was poor. This tells us that his parents aren't the best.

A child who grows up having to overcompensate and over achieve grows up with low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and other problems. They grow up believing that the only way they are worthy of love is by being perfect and they become obsessed with achieving perfection.

Due to this upbringing Armando is a control freak, neurotic, egocentric, and obsessed with perfection. He gets stressed out when things don't go his way. He has grown up in the fashion world and beauty has been fed to him that it is tall, thin, and above all has to be perfect.

A child is a product of their environment.

This has molded Armando into the person he is today.

On top of that Armando basically has his entire life planned out by his parents as a child who grew up hearing about the desire for him to be with Marcela to honor his parents best friends, for the good of the company, ect.

To receive his parents love he must do what his parents tell him, no exceptions. He must be the best at everything so he always aims high. In his proposal to be president he did exactly that.

Ironically Armando too is a people pleaser and feels like he has little to no control over his destiny.

So flings with Models become a form to cope. Though for a long time he enjoys those flings and what it entitles as it makes him feel good about himself, he is able to decide who he has a fling with but then it no longer is that.

My OC's addiction is driven by the desire of feeling wanted and needed. It boost her self-esteem though when it's over with she feels empty and hollow inside and we get a scene of Armando expressing those exact feelings to Mario the night he meets Ms. Colombia.

As they are leaving the cocktail Mario is upset that he[Armando] was leaving because he was so close to closing in on Ms. Colombia being his next conquest and that he couldn't change her for Marcela, who was always going to be there. Armando goes to explain something to him. He tells him that though at first he does get excited over the women and he does want to sleep with them that as soon as it's over he feels nothing anymore, that he doesn't enjoy it anymore.

This is part of a cycle and we see that.

Armando, before Betty, has the idea that if he falls in love it will be with a physically perfect woman who knows where she's standing and the only person that is like that is Marcela. He's got three reasons to marry her: He wanted her vote, his parents, and because she's what is mentioned above.

When Betty is introduce into his life she isn't what he expects in his dream woman. He expects perfection in a physical sense. However Betty has everything he wants in his dream woman in substance and personality.

He knows he likes Betty's personality but because she isn't physically perfect, he believes he isn't interested in her or attracted to her but because he likes her personality so much he believes he's entitled to her which is what drives his jealousy, it is not love.

Armando isn't in love with Betty here or at least not yet.

Betty embodies everything he wants and desires in a woman. She is humble, kind, respectful, unconditional, faithful, smart, like really smart and he likes that about her a lot, submissive and selfless.

However because the package isn't what he thinks is perfect, he cancels out. He denies that he likes her and he denies that he cares about her because of it.

So when Mario suggest for Armando to make Betty fall in love, Armando is apprehensive and disgusted by it.

Let's be honest, Betty isn't ugly! She's adorable! I will fight anyone who disagrees with this. Betty is cute and has always been cute.

I have spoken about Armando's emotional confusion a lot in the past few days but I haven't spoken about the mechanics of the confusion he is dealing with.

Denial is a strong defense mechanism. Subconsciously he has feelings for Betty and is attracted to her because of her personality but consciously he isn't. The mystery of the mind is never ending.

sub·con·scious /səbˈkänSHəs/

adjective of or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one's actions and feelings. "my subconscious fear"

Armando's behavior towards finding out that Betty is in love has been dominated by his subconscious. However when it comes to facing those feelings he enters denial, therefore he cannot fathom the idea of ever being involved with someone so "ugly".

con·scious /ˈkän(t)SHəs/

adjective aware of and responding to one's surroundings; awake.

Armando is aware that Betty isn't his ideal of the type of women he is physically attracted to. He is aware the she isn't the standard of beauty.

Due to this he is refusing to listen to Mario.

Now that we understand this we can continue with the episode breakdown.

After Betty leaves, Armando is upset because Nicolas is the General Manager of Terra Moda(it feeds his paranoia talked about in the Betty, My Betty Part 3 post) .

Once again Armando and Mario switch roles. Armando is now aware of his conscious desires and he's sticking by them. Mario however is aware of Armando's subconscious desires.

Mario tries to level with him. He tells him that they can tell Betty to fire him but Armando rejects that by telling him that he does a good job and that Betty says he's important for Terra Moda, therefore Eco Moda, again this shows that Armando doesn't distrust of them in a professional sense. So they both agree that they shouldn't tell Betty to fire him. Mario first suggested that they reverse the seizure against Eco Moda and Armando goes on to reject that and explain why they can't do that. So Mario tells Armando that they need to think of something because it is a business deal involving them three; Armando, Himself, and Betty.

They agree that asking Betty to fire or take away so much responsibility from Nic could give way to Betty becoming hostile and resentful. Mario tells him that it would also be unfair since she's always been so unconditional with the both, Armando agrees.

We get to divides here. Two sides of the nickel.

Mario's priority and main concern is keeping Eco Moda and Armando as president for what it gives him.

Armando's priority is Betty's love life(Why else would he be so worried about her love life? A normal boss wouldn't care about your love life. Armando knows that Betty is a good and trustworthy employee and he said so himself).

Mario as always watched Armando carefully. The third and best option would have been to simply talk to Betty and be professionals and leave things alone and not doing anything about Betty's love life.

Mario tells Armando "Well the best option is to make Betty fall in love with you."

Armando goes on to say that he would never do that because he doesn't have the desire to and doesn't want to because Betty is ugly(this is why I said what I did above). Mario stops using the fear of losing Eco Moda and goes for the emotional because he knows that it will affect Armando's subconscious that will dominate him like it had been all day long.

"You're the perfect candidate because if it weren't for Nicolas showing up, I could have sworn she was in love with you. No, seriously, look at the way she looks at you, she's always been unconditional with you(he knows this is one of the qualities that Armando likes about Betty as he always lists it). My friend, if there's anyone that is capable of fighting against Nicolas Mora, it's the president of Eco Moda(here he is appealing to Armando's ego)."

What does Mario get out of all of this? Reputation in tact which allows him to continue living his best single life, which he said himself is his most prized possession. So it is important to him that Armando does whatever it takes to keep Betty from doing anything to get a husband(post Betty, My Betty! Part 3).

Fast forward Armando is in Marcela's apartment after the new collection launch and they're fighting because Armando let Betty into the event.

He not only defends his decision of inviting her as his guest but Betty's job and her role in the new collection. Marcela scoffs and they continue to argue.

What captured my attention though is that Armando tells Marcela that she can't be in a competing so absurd with a woman like Betty and shouldn't be in a feminine competition with her.

Armando is now go to the otherside of the room so we get his back as Marcela starts to speak ("You're wrong Armando I don't view her as a woman")and as she says "I am offended that you would think I feel she's a feminine competition-" Armando now looks at her confused.

Either he is confused because he doesn't understand what Marcela is trying to say or once again his subconscious is dominating him here.

The takeaway is that in Armando's mind Betty is a woman, ugly, but a woman nonetheless. He is confused as to why Marcela doesn't view her as a woman but still behaves the way she does.

We again get a classic scene of Betty writing in her diary as we hear her dialogue and get scenes of Armando in Marcela's bed.

We see Armando thinking about what Mario told him earlier that night.

When Mario told him that he would've sworm that Betty was in love with him[Armando] in that scene we didn't really get a reaction from him. He had a poke face but here, as he is thinking about it all he has a different look.

We stop getting a visual flashback, only an auditory one after Mario told him "I could've sworn she was in love with you." and the frame we're getting is Armando's face while laying in bed. He seems hopeful. The exact same expression he had when Betty told him that she didn't have anything with Nicolas.

We hear Mario's voice when he told him "If there's anyone who can fight Nicolas for Betty's love, it's the president of Eco Moda." Armando shifts in bed and covers his face. We then fade to Betty asleep on her bed and get another fade to Armando, this allows us to know that they are about to have another shared dream.

Armando is the mvp of this dream ss the camera focuses on him right away.

He seems happy in this dream as he runs around with Betty in a field with bright green grass and trees. He continues turns to look at Betty or allows Betty to lead him. Then in the dream Betty disappears and Armando is left alone, searching around him with a scared expression on his face until Betty finally appears in front of him. She nears him with her lips slightly puckered and Armando smiles and as well moves in closer until Betty runs away from him again.

The dreams shows us this two more times where Betty runs from him until the final time when Armando finds her and they near for a kiss we then get a real world Armando in bed shaking his head mumbling no, we can assume they are kissing in the dream.

This foretells what is to come. In Betty's eyes this is a good dream but we also know that due to her past Betty is afraid to love again which we're told this by her constant running away from Armando in the dream.

Armando's fear is brought to light in this dream that is of him losing Betty as it reoccurs more than once and each time he goes out to find her. There is times when he does want to kiss her but Betty pulls away and runs and then on the final one he becomes conscious in his dream(yes that happens, it's called lucid dreaming and sometimes it randomly happens).

The fact we kept getting fades from both Armando and Betty sleeping lets us know this was a dream simontainsly happening at the same time and it isn't until after they actually kiss that Armando's conscious starts to wake him up.

Marcela then finishes waking him up in the real world and asks Armando what he was dreaming, he tells her a horrible nightmare.

Again, Armando is aware that he doesn't find Betty to be his ideal perfect woman or the beauty standard. You know, she's "ugly" so having something physical even in a dream is a nightmare to him. The thing to take note of is that he was enjoying the beginning of that dream and it demonstrates his subconscious feelings.

We already Betty loved that dream.

The next morning Marcela mentions that if he doesn't talk about the dream he must secretly want it to come true.

His coping mechanism towards this entire situation has been denial. It protects him from having to face his true feelings and fears. It protects him from something he isn't ready to deal with yet.

He starts choking on his juice and coughing as Marcela watches him.

Marcela telling him this pushes him to face those fears of his, the fear that he does like Betty and that he does care about her more than just his employee however again, he is in denial therefore unable to understand this.

[You know I will write a post about how Aura Maria and Freddy are a parallel of Betty and Armando.]

Neither Betty or Armando talk about their dream to anyone, or at least the real content of said dream, which based on what Marcela insinuated, Armando secretly wants that dream to come true.

This is a fact because later on when Armando has that nightmare of Betty making out with Nicolas inside the new car they got, he tells Marcela about the nightmare or at least some distorted version of it, because he doesn't want that nightmare to come true. This time though he doesn't talk about it.

Betty clarifies the situation between Nicola and her roll in Terra Moda and Armando thanks her for it.

When she goes into her office Armando tells Mario that he's right about making Betty fall in love.

This next scene I already broke down in another post. Armando suggest Mario for the job because he knows that Mario would never fall in love with Betty but at least it would secure the company. However since Mario would never fall in love with Betty that would mean that he wouldn't have competition since you know these two pigs share everything.

Not only that but it would mean that he gets to avoid and deny his feelings without the worry of Nicolas and Betty ending up together and Nicolas turning her against him.

Armando tells Mario that he gets that it's the more logical thing that he[Armando] is the one to make Betty fall in love but that it's not morally correct.

He gets angry as he tells him that he can't do that to her, a woman who has been very special to him, too special towards him. Again this shows that Armando takes notice and likes that Betty treats him the way she does and because of that he doesn't want to hurt her and he knows that she doesn't deserve that.

However Mario then pulls the "your parents will be so disappointed and angry at you if you lose the company. So do you have to decide whether you'll be a rat to your parents or Betty."

As they discuss the sinister plan they solely based the problem in the physicality. As Armando even said himself the only bad thing about the plan was that Betty was ugly. If Betty wasn't ugly Armando wouldn't be afraid to face his feelings therefore be upfront about them.

However because she is it clashes with all his other traits. His ego, vanity, obsession with perfection and the fact he was unable to be in control over who he ends up falling in love with or liking.

I don't know what worse, Armando knowing how selfish the plan is against Betty and still going along with the it for the sake of the company and his unwillingness to admit to his parents that he was wrong or Mario knowing exactly what's going and how to manipulate Armando to do this and not caring about his best friends feelings and the guilt he will carry on as long as Armando remains president for his own greed.

In the next post I will breakdown the scene in which Armando drunkenly confesses somewhat his very confused feelings.

'Til next time :)

Ps. Sorry for all this typos! I'm an insomniac so I usually write these sleep deprived lol.

#armando mendoza #don armando #armando ysblf #beatriz pinzón solano #beatriz pinzon solano #betty la fea #betty ysblf #yo soy betty la fea #mario calderon #marcela valencia #betty pinzón solano

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bettinaerquieza · 3 years ago

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New Media, New Beauty Standards

"Beauty is an enhancement and not a replacement for who they really are on the inside. The key is being comfortable with YOU." - Ayesha Pough

As a child, I had never associated myself with any Disney princess. Instead, I would just wonder what it is like to be them. Upon growing up, I was judged on my capabilities solely based on my weight. I was convinced that I would never be called beautiful, because according to TV commercials and billboard ads, body hair, discoloration, and acne are unattractive. In generations, beauty is a slender build with a proportional amount of chest and a tight waist. Its skin tone is as bright and flawless as a white pearl. It also has a well-defined jawline, sharp and high cheekbones, a pointed nose, and a sensual full set of lips. Its eyes are large and bright like sparkling diamonds, and hair is as soft and shiny as newly woven silk. It has a greek god's face, symmetrical, and blemishes are nowhere to be found—indeed a magnificent work of art.

That's why seeing diversity nowadays in campaign ads and people advocating for body positivity—calling out whoever dares to label a fat person ugly or a skinny person anorexic, had given me so much joy and hope that society might be starting to change for the better. But until now, I still don't see something or someone I could relate to.

I understand that advertisements are made to attract the audience they are trying to reach. Though, as an aspiring media practitioner, I firmly believe that you can get through your target viewers without pinpointing people's insecurities or giving them an unattainable glamorized version of who they are or who they want to be. The impacts of how media portray a particular look can potentially affect so many people's way of seeing themselves whenever they look in the mirror. I also stand entirely behind the concept of improving yourself and aiming to be the person you want to be. However, you shouldn't lose yourself in the process by doing such. Your mental and physical well-being should never be jeopardized.

The rise of new media has enhanced communication among people through the utilization of technology. It is now integrated into our daily life because society depends so much on it for communication, such as contacting friends and family, staying up to date on the latest news and trends, and sharing memories, especially since the pandemic deprived us of meeting people in the flesh. Yet, while it advances, media has given us also the power to distort and reshape perspectives and realities—the complete opposite of its purpose. One of these is setting and presenting more beauty standards, impacting one's self-esteem, developing depression and anxiety due to body image dissatisfaction.

But now, as new media continuously develop, it includes individuals of different races, genders, ethnicities, and sexual orientations. Thereby focusing more on breaking stereotypes, also causing beauty to emerge and give us variation, making room for people of color, plus size, hairless, and people with gray hair and wrinkles. Gone are the days where we lack diversity. We are shifting towards a culture of being open and not only giving one representation of beauty.

Everyone is welcome. Every single one is beautiful.

But do we really believe that?

Everyone's concept and version of beauty can now be seen serving looks in New York Fashion Week, TV commercials, online posts, or on runways. Although, we cannot deny that media still gives us unrealistic beauty standards. In today's day and age, there is now an "appropriate-looking" plus-size body. Stretchmarks are now being glorified and considered attractive, but only when it's not dark and you have it on your thighs or butt and not on your stomach. All skin tones are now being recognized and appreciated, as long as they are glowy and flawless. Yes, we have evolved. However, our unattainable standards have, as well.

There are many outlets for beauty and fashion tips, yet these are not a guide to beauty. Instead, they are just another way to make many women and men feel as though they are worthless (Skolnick, 2020). The constant pressure to look sharp and perfect is still there, regardless of our body type and skin color. Social media often portrays augmented images and distorted truths, such that social platforms have become flooded with "ideal" qualities. No matter the platform, whether a social networking site like Instagram or a micro-blogging site like Twitter, people yearn to present their best self to the public (Washburn, 2018). With technology advancing by the minute and newer apps surfacing online, social media has an immediate effect on beauty. Due to the ever-changing body images depicted online, individuals are turning to social media handles for acceptance and support. (Henriques & Debasis, 2020)

That's why the evolution of beauty standards will never stop. If we keep on seeking validation and affirmation on social media, then solving this constant ongoing problem will never be achieved. Emphasizing that beauty is supposed to be subjective will never be firmly embedded into our hearts and minds.

Don't get me wrong, I, too, have allowed myself to be intoxicated by the poisonous notion that my beauty is based on the number of likes. I know getting compliments on your latest post can be so gratifying. Because all my life, I've always felt so out of place. Then whenever I get a notification that someone reacted to my photo, the sense of belongingness instantly sinks into my veins—I finally feel as though I am genuinely accepted by the world. But little did I know this was the one that would ruin me even more.

Beauty is subjective. As Margaret Wolfe Hungerford once said, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," meaning we all have our own definition, concept, and image of what it is to be beautiful. No one can ever dictate who you want to be and how you want to present yourself. We have to stop expecting everyone to understand it; what matters is that you appreciate your beauty, truly embracing every inch of it.

Let us learn to grasp that no amount of likes or comments people leave on our social media accounts will ever be enough to define your worth as a person.

Beauty is like a self-portrait. It is personal—yours to create.

Let us make that the beauty standard.

References:

Gee, R. A. (2018, July 25). Beauty By Soul Definition. . .. Thrive Global. https://thriveglobal.com/stories/beauty-by-definition/

Givhan, R., & Morales, H. R. (2020, January 7). The idea of beauty is always shifting. Today, it’s more inclusive than ever. Magazine. https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/article/beauty-today-celebrates-all-social-media-plays-a-role-feature

Henriques, M. (2020, September 21). Social Media and Its Effects on Beauty. IntechOpen. https://www.intechopen.com/chapters/73271

Mbabazi, B. D. (2019, October 31). Society and unrealistic beauty standards. The New Times | Rwanda. https://www.newtimes.co.rw/lifestyle/society-and-unrealistic-beauty-standards

Skolnick, S. (2021, June 12). Modern beauty standards and their effects on society. The Inkblot. https://theinkblotnews.com/10701/opinion/modern-beauty-standards-and-their-effects-on-society/

Washburn, A. (2018). Beauty Imbalance: Social Media's Dictation of Worth. Brigham Young University

#beauty #self love #beauty standards #diversity #new media

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readingsbylibramc · 4 years ago

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synastry chart reading for @nabicat

hello! welcome to your reading. I'm going to give you a quick overview of what I'm going to analyze about your synastry chart: in-depth analysis of house overlays with major aspects, potential of the relationship, soulmates indicators, possible marriage indicators, possible issues and struggles of the relationship, intimacy and physical attraction, what they feel when they see / think about you, in-depth analysis of fate, love and marriage asteroids. of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask! my dms are always open. now let's get into the reading!

PARTNER A: she/her | pisces sun, leo moon, capricorn rising.

PARTNER B: he/him | pisces sun, leo moon, cancer rising.

PARTNER A

🌞 partner a's pisces sun in his 9th house

this placement indicates that you two may learn a lot from this relationship. you two may come from different cultural backgrounds, or if you don't you still have a fresh vibe to you that brings something new to the other, a fresh perception of things. you may share the same ideas regarding politics, economy, or even about things as simple as music taste or movies. you see eye to eye on almost everything, and if you don't, you're still able to understand the other's view. you two are able to broaden each other's horizons, this relationship could introduce you to a new way of seeing and reacting to things, it's very beneficial as it opens the mind of both of you. this sense of knowledge and constant learning makes both of you achieve more security, and as a result you may feel more confident when you interact and just spend time together in general. you could also travel a lot, or perhaps you may attend the same school. if this relationship lasts, then you'll most likely explore the world together, you're going to be very adventurous, even if you normally don't really step out of your comfort-zone, as your partner gives you strenght and vice versa. this placement alone isn't extremely romantic, but combined with the rest of your synastry it surely is a great addition. in fact, this relationship is very mature, but not the capricorn type of maturity which can be quite boring at times. it's a type of maturity that is born from making experiences together, and hence you'll probably make loads of pleasant memories with this person.

🌙 partner a's leo moon in his 1st house

this is a very cute placement! the ascendant represents the centre, the purpose and basis of one's life. therefore, with your moon falling in your crush's first house, you most likely have an important space in his life. he sees you as someone very caring and nurturing, someone he can trust and that is always there for him for help. you two most likely got each other at first sigh, you instantly got along, and as a result there's a strong emotional bond between you two that makes it totally possible for you two to have a stable and healthy relationship. you feel at home when you're together, you feel comfortable and accepted. even if you're introverts, you probably don't feel tired after spending time with the other or vice versa. this placement also indicates that your feelings may be contagious; that is, if for instance one of you is sad, the other may feel down too as a result. you're both very empathetic when you're in each other's company. last but not least, this overlay also indicates that you see your crush as someone very powerful and assertive, someone ambitious that knows how to live his life. your crush, on the other hand, sees you as a very nurturing and emotional individual. that doesn't mean that he sees you as weak of course, but rather as someone soft, wise and sensitive.

partner a's leo moon conjunct partner b's leo moon: this aspect indicates a mutual understanding that goes beyond standards, it most likely feels like a soulmate connection. both of you are aware of the moods and the emotional changes and needs of the other person, you're very empathetic when it comes to understanding each other. you two feel familiar, you feel as if you've known each other for your whole life. it's almost a magical bond, you don't need words to communicate, it's like you already know everything about each other. you two are extremely similar, you react to situations in the same way and hence it makes it easier for you two to get along, especially in a romantic sense. it's a mostly positive aspect, but like all the aspects, it also has some negative sides to it. in fact, while this relationship may feel extremely chill and relaxing, being too similar isn't the best thing either. during fights, you may both be too proud, especially since your moons are placed in the sign of leo, and hence you could struggle with apologizing and recognizing your mistakes. in the worst case, you two could even get physically violent, but I don't think it's necessarily your case.

partner a's leo moon trine partner b's aries venus: this placement is absolutely lovely! you two are probably very romantic individuals, and if you're not, you're at least able to bring the romance out of each other. you are very affectionate, you may enjoy physical contact and cuddling, you probably express your love for each other through gestures. comfort and ease just flow easily between you two, it's a very powerful aspect that makes you two love each other's company. you could be the type of couple to spoil each other, maybe in gifts, or even in compliments. it's that type of relationship that boosts each other's self-esteem. you could also be the type or couple to call each other sweet names, such as 'baby', 'honey', and so on, this kind of things. this is also another placement that indicates that you two could be quite devoted to each other, you're always there when needed and vice versa.

🗣 partner a's pisces mercury in his 8th house

this one is a very complex aspect. first of all, combined with your positively-aspected moons, you probably feel extremely comfortable and intimate together. because of that, you feel safe sharing your deepest desires and secrets. you can talk freely about anything you have in your head with your crush, and as a result he seems to listen and understand you deeply, making you feel accepted, he doesn't answer your deep questions with superficial sentences. with your partner you feel free to talk about topics that are considered to be taboo like sex, spirituality, etc., you feel strangely comfortable discussing about these things. you could possibly even be into dirty talks. yet, this placement also has some bad sides to it, as the 8th house is a malefic house after all. your crush could feel particularly sensitive when he's with you, he cares a lot about what you think of him, and hence make sure that you're not too blunt when talking to him or you may hurt his feelings deeply. you could find yourself having a very sharp tongue in this relationship, especially while you two are arguing. you may end up saying very unpleasant things that could significantly ruin your connection, and that would obviously be a shame.

partner a's pisces mercury conjunct partner b's pisces sun: sun - mercury aspects generally aren't the most romantic or passionate of placements, and because of that, they're usually underestimated. yet, I honestly consider them extremely significant in a synastry reading, as communication is key for every couple. therefore, thanks to this aspect, communication between you two flows extremely easily. there are hardly embarassing silences between you two, somehow you always manage to find something to talk about, and since this conjunction happens in the 8th house you most likely get immersed in your discussions. you feel as if time stopped when you two talk. you two have similar ideals and beliefs, lots of interests in common... you love sharing your points of view to hear the other's opinion about your thought, but make sure to be diplomatic and open to any sort of disagreement, as it's something that I see happening in this particular relationship. overall, you two make a couple that values communucation seriously, you're probably always texting or chatting together.

❤️ partner a's pisces venus in his 8th house

this is for sure the most intense placement of the chart. after all, the 8th house rules scorpio, the sign of rebirth and transformation. therefore, this relationship may awaken something in you that has always been there, but that you never seemed to notice. you're both going to learn a lot from this connection, growing mature as time goes by. the house person, aka your crush, sees you as a safe place, a security; he sees you as a passionate and loyal lover, someone who would never betray his trust, and hence he feels a deep affection for you. these feelings are mutual, and you may find yourself being completely mesmerized by your partner, maybe even obsessed (in a positive sense, of course). your crush could literally feel like a drug to you, you can't get enough of him, it's a very deep connection that you can't seem able to get rid of even if you wanted to. that's because this is certainly a karmic connection, you have already met each other in a past life. because of that, you didn't fall for this person's looks, personality or charisma, but for this person in general. to make it simple, you don't want someone with the same traits as him, you want only him. you are also a very private couple, you may not like showing your relationship to the world, you prefer keeping it to yourself. this placement also indicates strong sexual compatibility, you two are very considerate of each other's wants and needs.

partner a's pisces venus conjunct partner b's pisces sun: this placement is extremely positive in a synastry chart! in fact you, the venus person, most likely see your partner as a very attractive individual, he fits your ideals of beauty, he's your ideal type. the sun person, your crush, sees that, he can perceive your admiration, and hence he feels very secure when he's around you. he feels your warmth, and this appreciation certainly boosts his self-esteem, he feels handsome thanks to you. combined with your sun conjunct mercury aspect you have together, you two most likely appreciate literally everything about each other, from looks, to personality, intelligence, etc. you see each other as a dream come true, something extremely rare, and hence you're both very careful with your approach to the other. you hate conflicts, and hence you try to avoid them as much as possible. venus also symbolizes money in astrology, and hence I definitely don't see you two struggling with finances in the long-run, and you may actually help each other when it comes to wealth.

☄️ partner a's aries mars in his 10th house

this placement isn’t exactly romantic, I would say it’s more suitable for a working relationship, but there are still some notes that could resonate. in first place, you may inspire your partner to be successful, you may be his strenght to pursue a certain career or even just to lead in general. your support boosts his self-esteem, allowing him to succeed and achieve his goals. in addition, you may actually work in the same field, or perhaps you aspire to follow his steps and work in the same environment as him. you may also literally help each other with your job, for example if he works in an office you may help him getting some documents done, if he’s a teacher you may help him with his students, etc. one thing for sure, you would support him in anything he does, you would become his numer #1 fan. the house person, aka your partner, also sees potential in you, and he may help you being more successful in your finances and career as well. he probably appreciates your skills and talents, as well as your strategies. the problem with this overlay is that, at first, this relationship could be quite boring or even cold at first. there’s a lot of seriousness and respect from both of you, which could make this relationship too heavy, especially for your free-spirited leo energy. this placement could also be interpreted in a more family-related way: you may inspire him to become a father, he may be very present for his children, and he would do anything to provide wealth and security for his family.

partner a's aries mars conjunct partner b's aries saturn: this placement is probably the worst you two have in this synastry chart, the hardest to deal with. mars is all about passion, energy and sex, while saturn is the planet of limitations and restrictions. put these two together, and you get unpleasant situation in you day-to-day life. this probably won't escalate to aggression or violence of any sort, as the rest of your planets are still positively aspected, but at a certain point there could be a few misunderstandings between the two of you. it could be that your crush may turn out to be a bit too childish and impulsive, not in a likeable way. he could say things that could hurt you deeply without thinking, or maybe he could even lose his temper and be more aggressive when you two are arguing. your crush has a hot temper and you feel like you always need to control him, as if he was a baby who needs a parent to control him. it could even be the opposite. you could also not feel very attracted to him at first, or perhaps this attraction you feel now may fade with time. possibly, you may even start being a bit critical of your partner, you may judge him quite often for his reckless behaviour.

PARTNER B

🌞 partner b's pisces sun in her 3rd house

with his sun in your 3rd house, I can see that your crush most likely fell for the way you think, for your manners, your ideals. you may be someone very smart, witty and / or talkative, maybe even outgoing, and his intelligence makes you feel attracted to him. he most likely feels comfortable talking to you; you may have many things in common like hobbies, dreams, studies, etc., or in general words just flow naturally when you two get to speak. your crush could feel motivated by your presence, you could inspire him to work hard and harder to achieve the best of himself. he feels very stimulated, and he can’t help but feel curious about you, you probably catch his attention, and you will most likely get along and see eye to eye on a bunch of things, there won’t be many disagreements between the two of you. this is generally a good aspect for a friendship, but for a love relationships, a few issues may arise. in fact, the 3rd house is a superficial house; your relationship may be very happy and pleasant to live, with tons of fun and amusement. yet, there could be a certain lack of emotional depth between you two. you may have fun, but you could sometimes struggle to understand each other’s feelings and emotions. I don’t think you will be completely unsensitive with each other, you still share the same moon sign, but still beware of the fact that this relationship may not provide you much emotional growth and possibly comfort.

🌙 partner b's leo moon in her 7th house

with his moon in your seventh house, your crush most likely feels secure and accepted when he's with you. he feels free and comfortable, he doesn't fear being judged because he knows he can trust you, and that you wouldn't hurt him on purpose. yet, even though you two most likely see eye to eye, your crush could find himself being a bit accommodating with you. he may try to avoid conflicts with you at all costs, he could give up on his ideals just to agree with you, and this is obviously an unhealthy habit for him. if you have the occasion, you could try reassuring him a bit. you, on the other hand, you feel extremely comfortable with your partner, you feel as if you've found your other half, someone who loves you for who you are without questioning your choices. he's very supportive of you and of your ideas, he's all about loyalty, romance and commitment, making you feel extra loved. you find him very attractive, not just on a physical level but also in an emotional sense. you like the way he expresses his emotions, he handles and reacts to situations.

partner b's leo moon square partner a's saturn: this placement is often found in synastry charts of married couples, as it is an indicator of a long-lasting relationship in astrology. yet, since in your case it's a square aspect, a few unpleasant challenges may arise. in fact, while on one side there is a strong sense of commitment and loyalty between you two, the relationship could start to feel a bit too heavy. perhaps, your crush may prefer having a more light-hearted connection than you, and hence he could sometimes get overwhelmed. you, on the other hand, you dream of a stable relationship, and because of that your needs and wants clash. aside from this though, I don't think you're going to experience many negative sides of this aspect thanks to your moon conjunct moon aspect. in fact, while this placement can make it hard for the saturn person being warm and expressing their emotions, your moons being both in the same sign, leo, mitigate this.

🗣 partner b's pisces mercury in her 3rd house

with his mercury in your 3rd house, you’re probably a very chatty couple! you find it easy to keep a conversation with this person, or at least you’ll find it easy to find something to talk about once you get to know him, words just flow out naturally. for instance, you’re probably the type of couple that stays up late at night just to talk with your significant other, I see this being that kind of relationship. you could have similiar interests, hobbies, maybe even studies, and you could often end up talking about this type of things. I also find this placement a great match with your moon conjunct moon aspect I’ve mentioned above; in fact, this aspect makes communication so easy between you two that sorting out your issues and misunderstandings is not a big deal at all, or at least it’s not as serious as it usually is. you may argue like any couple of course, but I don’t think these arguments will be too dangerous for the relationship.

❤️ partner b's aries venus in her 3rd house

the influence of venus in the 3rd house makes both of you very considerate with your words. I don’t really see you two screaming during arguments, not at all. you always try to be as calm and caring as possible, you care about your words as you don’t want to hurt the other. I find this placement very beneficial, considering that your venus is in aries; generally, I assume he is quite an impulsive speaker, he says things before thinking, and hence he could often end up in troubles because of his sharp tongue. still, when he's with you, he manages to control himself, and maybe he could learn how to control his impulsiveness thanks to you in this relationship, who knows. on the other hand, you have a soft spot for him, you may avoid sarcasm and stuff like that when you're around him, as you want to express your feelings and love for him through your words. venus is also the planet of art, so I feel like you may have similiar interests; for example, you could listen to the same genre of music, read the same authors, watch the same genre of movies, etc. you see eye to eye on your hobbies, and this obviously makes your life together way easier. in fact, since you two both have strong aries energy in you, you need to find someone that kind of matches your energy, as you both struggle to change for someone else.

☄️ partner b's scorpio mars in her 10th house

I won't be going too deep into this section as it basically confirms what I've said above, the feeling is mutual. that is, you two both drive each other to be successful and resolute, you find each other both motivated to be at your best state whenever you're in each other's company. you care about having a good impression on him and vice versa.

partner b's scorpio mars square partner a's leo moon: this placement may cause some troubles, as you may often be blind to your partner’s attitude. especially since his moon is placed in your 7th house, you may sometimes idealize your partner way too much when he’s not actually who he seems to be. at first you may be okay with his behaviour, after all you have lots of similar signs and positive aspects that make you two get along. yet, as time goes by, you may start feeling constantly contradicted, arguments could be more frequent as you may misunderstand each other. more specifically, you start realizing that your partner’s nature is slightly different from yours, and while there are many other aspects that could mitigate this effect, you may still feel as if it’s impossible for you to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship in these occasions. especially your partner, he may often hurt your feelings with his words. on the other hand, this placement also has a positive side! you are strongly attracted to each other, you both feel attached to the other with glue, and that’s exactly why this relationship could become unhealthy, because you may struggle to let go of the other if necessary. your bond is so strong that you can’t manage to separate, even when there are so many hardships and conflicts.

partner b's scorpio mars trine partner a's pisces venus: in astrology, this is considered to be the ultimate physical attraction aspect! in fact, you two probably find each other very attractive and magnetic. I don't think this connection started off as a friendship, and if it did then it was probably unbearable, as the attraction and chemistry between you two is just way too much to handle. you two most likely are a very touchy couple, not necessarily in a sexual way but you find it hard not to stare, touch each other; physical contact is key in this connection. this placement makes me think that your crush coule be the dominant figure in your relationship, he could be the one to approach you first for instance. in general, he tends to be the one who takes the initiative in any context. your partner appreciates you, and he may feel romantically attracted to you, you probably fit his ideals when it comes to looks, personality, etc. this placement probably makes this relationship so intense and magnetic that it will be hard to forget, even if you two don't end up together. this is certainly a soulmate / twinflame connection, especially with your neptunian energy. I'm sure you're both going to learn a lot from this connection.

ASTEROIDS & CO

partner b's leo north node conjunct partner a's leo vertex: again, this is another placement that indicates that there's a soulmate or even twinflame connection going on here. you two were meant to be, your meeting in this lifetime was fated. that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to end up together, but this relationship surely has loads of potential. even if there wasn't an happy ending, you two would still get out of it with a lot of wisdom and maturity on your back. we're talking about a karmic relationship that will surely prepare both of you to future challenges, events or even a future partner. you could have met each other in an unusual situation for example, you didn't expect to be meeting at first. more specifically, you, the vertex person, perceive your crush as your ideal type, as the perfect match for you. this is also another strong marriage placement as well! I can definitely see this relationship being long-lasting if you two manage to sort out your conflicts I've mentioned above.

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, let me know if you have any questions :) - libramc xx

- not corrected yet -

#astrology

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papers4me · 4 years ago

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Fruits Basket, SE02, Ep17 (part2)

Now that the romance direction is canon, let’s deal with the dark foreshadowing. This ep is loaded with hints towards the direction kyo & yuki are moving at concerning their future & personal trauma. Off course tohru is involved since her story is linked to kyo, but nothing is shown much regarding the direction of her own personal trauma.

As usual the treatment of tohru’s personal issues within the story is less impressive than the boys or rather less artistically expressed. I’m sure more spotlight will be shown on her later in the coming eps, but looks like tohru is indeed the foolish traveler (giving more than taking/ important for what she gives more that who she is) even on how she’s handled by the writer/anime story-wise, so far.

-Foreshadowing scene #1 ( the confession going wrong):

As I’ve stated previously, kyo’s “ why are you dreaming of dating a guy like me” is more towards tohru & himself than the nameless girl. Ep,9 has brilliantly established the realistic reasons & the logical justification of his mentality, emotions & decisions. The writer made sure to lock all doors in front of kyo to cleverly introduce a compelling dilemma & intriguing future climax. Kyoko’s “I won’t forgive you” is the key that locked the door for forgiveness. There is no way kyo will confess his love to tohru. She reaches out to him this ep (she’ll confess to him later). The realistic & logical cruelty of kyo rejecting the nameless girl will be paralleled later but harsher. However, I can’t figure out how the writer will open any of the closed doors?!!!! how there’s hope in the future for them?!!!

Possible scenarios are as follows:( I know I made the conversations simple & silly but that is for reasons of space & discussion)

1-Possible Scenarios (A): [Tohru: I love you. Kyo: Me too, but I think I’ve hurt your mom & she said “I won’t forgive you”. Tohru: there’s no way my mom will ever say that. you must’ve misheard/imagined it. Kyo: really?! Ok. wow! I was in pain for nuthin. let’s marry then!]. Result:it is a possible outcome. I hope not. It would seem very anti-climatic & ruins all the efforts the writer did to create climax & drama. More importantly it would’ve rendered kyo’s dilemma & trauma simple & superficial. Guilt is coupled with extreme self-loath & it’s serious issue. Furuba has always taken mental issues seriously. so, I suppose the writer will respect that in the final eps. Plus kyoko’s harsh words as mere imagination is meh~ development.

2-Possible Scenarios (B): [Tohru: OMG! you monster! you’ve watched me grieve all this time!! mom is my world! I hate you! I can’t forgive you. then more drama happens such as..i duno.. tohru leave the sohma, kyo hurt himself, but first goes to burn the sohma’s estate as they’re the reason they’re all traumatized. Perhaps killing Akito unintentionally in the way]. Result: too dark!!! it scares me!! I mean furuba is capable of that, but there’s always hope...It’ll send a message that guilt & self-loath issues can’t be faced/dealt with/healed & furuba seems focused on healing, hence tohru’s very own existence & character.

3-Possible Scenarios (C): [Tohru: What mom said is tragic! but I forgive you. Kyo immediately forgives himself too. they kiss/or they part ways]. Result: that’s also too simple & unrealistic! if hearing one word of forgiveness can help/heal kyo. then he would’ve been healed by kazuma long time ago. The writer has established that mental & emotional issues run way deep than simple words can heal. She even made kyo say“ it’s not like she healed the ugly feelings within me” That’s part of the reason why kyoru is epic as OTP cuz the writer debunked popular romantic tropes of one saving the other for romance to sparkle & pain to go away. I find it so hard & unbelievable that kyo would forgive himself so easily if tohru forgives him. It doesn’t make sense. This isn’t part of the magical fantasy curse lore. It’s realistic depiction of trauma that has roots in the tender age of 4.

so how?! where’s the hope? where’s the open door? I think knowing tohru’s true trauma will help paint clearer, more hopeful picture or darker one? I duno. But There’s also the theme of accepting help & standing up by yourself. Yuki is doing it, I’m sure kyo & tohru will do it too. You gotta decide to heal, you gotta stop giving up on yourself. This is the hardest part: Being kind on one’s self. None of the trio (yuki/tohru/kyo) is kind on themselves, but yuki is getting there first . This ep showed him accepting kakeru & allowing himself to live! The other two will do the same (I hope), but I can’t figure out how! & I love it & hate it at the same time. XD

Foreshadowing scene #2 (I won’t forgive you Yuki-style):

yuki has his own plot-line & most possibly will have his his own climax that involves his own story. But yuki’s scene with kakeru contained darker foreshadowing with dark music, depicting kyo in dark background. I gotta say his line “I won’t forgive him” is the reason I viewed the nameless girl confession scene as foreshadowing! There is a theme of “forgiveness or lack of” with kyo which is obvious since his trauma revolves around guilt. Yuki will be involved for tohru’s sake. but how?..oh man.. I hope kyo doesn’t transform into his true form somehow with yuki! The climax should be as humanely as possible. no fantasy beings, plz.

-The trios growth, so far:

I was happy seeing the new/real yuki sneaks through the princely mask in front of tohru’s & co. Not only did he complain abt kakeru openly but his body language wasn’t princely at all & he acted his age!! openly smiling, laughing & getting teased! Part of the reasons yuki’s character growth is more obvious than kyo/tohru is that ,unlike them, yuki’s true self was never out in the open. He wears a heavy mask to conceal his inferiority complex while inside he’s just like a child trying to discover who he really is while fearing ppl will hate the real him. Accepting help, & being content with who he is & forgiving himself/forgiving others is the path Yuki is walking in. Still not completely there but he’ll reach it.

Kyo (while having other issues) was always true to himself. While he’s becoming chill, calmer & more at ease with himself generally, he’s the same with yuki, hana. Arisa & his two dumb buddies: Speaking his mind & acting his age for the most part. The difference is kyo’s changed behavior & growth towards tohru exclusively as he has issues with accepting forgiveness & forgiving himself. he’s always believing he’s harmful/bad/monster/not worthy. So kyo’s growth has to be with his exclusive ppl: HIMSELF, Kazuma, tohru & perhaps yuki, too! The two of them are way more civil & tolerant with each other now. Able to hold regular convos regarding daily life in shigure’s living room with tohru & even shigure. They are accepting each other & they are BOTH aware of it whether they hate it or not.

Tohru is in the middle between the two, she wears mask like yuki but her mask is true to her kind loving personality, she’s honest with others like kyo but not honest abt herself/issues at all. She harbors low self-esteem & inferiority complex & deep feelings of abandonment. (her issues are yet to be explicitly explored/I’m just guessing/digging/trying to form an opinion abt her)Most of the things I say abt her real self is my wishful thinking & me building castles from the little foundation/personal scenes abt her.

That was a rich ep! I love trying to guess stories’ direction as it’s exciting to be right & more exciting to be wrong! (depends on how wrong tho XD)

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #SE02 #2 #amused paper

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arturas-writes · 4 years ago

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the one time our group did sexy roleplay

Obligatory not a recent story but I was going through my campaign notes from way back when and damned if I’m leaving this one in oblivion.

Warning: not very many sexy times, mostly just ridiculousness, and potential ruination of Star Wars.

To set the scene: we were playing Star Wars tabletop (the Fantasy Flight Games variant) and our party was... neutrally inclined, shall we say, leaning a bit towards dark. We were general outer rim lowlifes/low-grade Force sensitives who had taken a gig to sneak aboard a pleasure yacht running a high-stakes gambler’s retreat to a) damage and-or ruin the yacht, ending the cruise before anyone could claim the prize and b) ensure one particular Imperial officer didn’t make it off the yacht alive.

If that doesn’t sound particularly neutral - we wanted the credits and were pretty well-versed in jumping through in-character logic hoops to convince ourselves we weren’t “bad people”, even if we were inclined to rack up more Dark Side than Light Side points. (That would be metagaming, you see.)

Long story short: we got aboard. Being the face of the party, my Devaronian smuggler set himself up as a high roller and did his best to attract as much attention as possible over dinner in the hopes of snagging a private match with the officer in question. The rest of the party were not as happy, having been introduced as either his slaves or arm-candy, but he was having a grand old time. (The party weren’t especially inclined to getting along with each other in the first place which definitely helped everyone show the proper level of animosity towards each other.)

Like clockwork, the officer approached him. Things started out normal, then I crit-succeeded a social check, and next thing my smuggler knew the officer was hitting on him… hard. Footsies-under-the-table, hand-way-too-high-on-the-leg, whoops-did-I-mention-I’m-well-endowed-and-have-a-hardon-for-aliens levels of non-subtlety. The officer’s aide (who was sober) looked exasperated but also sadly unsurprised; the Twi’lek pilot PC playing my arm candy was more amused than much else, plus rather thankful the officer wasn’t hitting on her instead.

My smuggler had been around the block more than once, though, and even if the mission hadn’t required it he would have been down for a quick romp just to annoy the pilot, so the DM got to rapidly change tack as his attempt to put my character on the back foot misfired.

(It’s very possible I was just a bit drunk at the time - in and out of character - and while I wasn’t going to put the train on the sexy tracks, I’d be damned if I was the one to pull the emergency brakes. My character was also a manwhore in every sense of the word so it’s not like I had to act OOC for him to be fine with it.)

Things went somewhat disturbingly well and soon an invitation was made to accompany him to his private suite. Alone, even – no guards. Perfect. My smuggler figured he’d get inside and could either end things before they got awkward or get a little side action before fulfilling the mission (he wasn’t picky and had zero self-esteem to begin with so it wasn’t like he gave a shit if he was just a fetish to the Imperial officer); he dismissed the tech with just a bit too much brevity and went along with things, no question.

As we headed to the officer’s room and he ordered his guards to stand watch outside, all the players were a little... on-edge. If you’ve ever seen the “whizzard” comic you probably understand why. Especially once the DM had the officer attempt one last hail-mary plea for leniency and outright state that he had a kink that previous partners had... walked out on, shall we say, but he needed it for the sex to go ahead.

Out of character, my smuggler had been relieved of all weapons and was not nearly tanky enough to put the officer down without the guard being called. The only weapon available was the officer’s own disruptor pistol and it wasn’t silenced, so he needed at least a vaguely plausible excuse (and a chance to snag it) before he could pull the trigger on the encounter.

Did I mention I’d explicitly written my smuggler as moderately self-destructive and willing to do basically anything in the pursuit of credits, with charisma out the ass and way, way too much fake confidence? (Hello, lovechild of Atton Rand and Han Solo - what are you doing here?)

As a player, I was moderately tipsy and figured that things could only get so awkward before someone grabbed the literal and-or figurative gun, so why not see just what the DM would classify as horrible enough to make people walk out on someone? I couldn’t think of anything that bad...

In-character, my smuggler resigned himself to scrapping whatever dignity he had left and figured he’d just abuse the cruise’s open bar later. Mission first, and hey - sex was sex. “I’m a broadly cultured man,” he lied through his teeth, hoping against hope he wouldn’t have to eat his words later. “I’m down for whatever you can throw at me.”

The table was quiet. The challenge had been issued.

With only a little hesitation, the DM said, “One moment. I need to bring up something on the laptop.”

Nobody spoke. What horrors were we about to endure? What traumatising scenes would we bear witness to? What heretofore unknown depths of our DM’s fetishes were we about to unwillingly learn?

Maybe this was a mistake, I thought to myself. Maybe I pushed too far.

In-game, the officer hesitated too, but only briefly. “Very well,” he said. “I will not judge you if you leave. My kink… is I need this.”

We sit in silence as the DM presses a key, stony-faced.

From the bedroom’s inbuilt speakers – and the Bluetooth speaker we used for atmosphere – the opening ditty of the goddamn cantina song began to play.

And that’s the story of how my DM turned the Star Wars cantina song into an auto-include on all future sex playlists for half the table and was banned from running any kind of sexy scenes for any Star Wars games we played together.

#star wars #tabletop games #star wars tabletop #fantasy flight games #star wars cantina #tales from the tabletop

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canadian-riddler · 5 years ago

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The Girlfriend Part Six.

Synopsis: Claptrap knows this relationship is worth it. Now he’s just gotta convince her of that.

AO3 || fanfiction.net || Wattpad

They had some really good sex after that.

He wasn’t sure what had changed, exactly, but if someone had made him guess he would’ve said she had actually started getting into it. She kinda hadn’t, before, as though it was some sort of thing she needed to do but didn’t really like doing. She seemed cool with it now, though. It was so good, in fact, that the last time he’d actually had to stop her because he’d thought he was gonna pass out. Both of those things were kinda embarrassing, but he’d had to make a snap decision there and he had really not wanted to crash in front of his girlfriend for a reason like that.

He’d expected her to get mad about it, or annoyed at least, but she was neither! She just asked what was going on, and when he told her she laughed for about three straight minutes.

“You’re uh… taking this surprisingly well,” said Claptrap, and she tilted her core in a really adorable way and said,

“Aw. Was I too much for you?”

in such a way that it instantly became the sexiest thing he had ever heard. He didn’t even realise he’d zoned out there until she said his name a little louder than she usually talked.

“Huh?” he asked, unable to remember what he’d been doing.

“You stopped responding for a minute.”

“Oh,” he answered. “Yeah, I uh… gotta admit, you’ve gotten pretty intense.”

“Have I?” she asked, sounding amused.

“Ohhh have you ever,” said Claptrap. “You went from the bare minimum to the whole nine yards. I’m not complainin’, but you are a lot… um… more than me.”

“I thought that was part of why you liked me so much.”

“It is!” he said insistently, even though she didn’t sound bothered in the slightest. “C’mon, babe, we’re comparing a windmill to a nuclear power plant here.”

“Your power isn’t generated by a windmill,” she said, laughing.

“And yours isn’t generated by a nuclear power plant! It was an – “

“Actually, it is,” interrupted GLaDOS. “It is generated by a nuclear power plant.”

He stared up at her, dumbfounded. “… well this place has got just about everything, hasn’t it.”

“Just about,” said GLaDOS, as though she’d taken the question very seriously.

“But no mirrors,” Claptrap said. “I have not seen myself in weeks.”

“Why would you want to?” GLaDOS asked. “You look the same as you did when you first came here.”

He shrugged. “’cause I like looking at myself? Don’t you?”

“The thought has never crossed my mind.”

“To… to look at yourself?”

“Yes,” said GLaDOS, nodding. “I have no idea what I look like.”

Claptrap wasn’t even sure how to process this news. How did someone live their whole life without knowing that? “Really?”

She shook her core. “There isn’t really a means for me to do so. I also have no idea where my blueprints are.”

“Well… if you want, we could… I could show you. I’ve got uh… pictures.” She probably already knew about that, but he’d heard stories about guys who did that kinda thing without their girl’s permission, so he hadn’t exactly been motivated to just bring it up. She considered him for a long moment, then shook her head again.

“No. I’d rather not.”

“But why?” Ohhhh. Ohhhh, wait. “You’re not worried that you’re gonna hate what you see, are you? ‘Cause it’s pretty great, I promise. I tell you you’re hot all the time ‘cause you really are, not just ‘cause I want you to have sex with me.”

“Oh, no,” GLaDOS said. “I mean, think about it. I’m the best at everything, so logically I must also be the best-looking, too. No, it’s because no matter what I do end up seeing, it will never match whatever it is you see.”

That sounded all smart and deep and stuff. Must’ve been why he didn’t get it. “Huh?”

She looked off to the side, to give herself a minute to think maybe. “I like having you tell me, without having anything to compare it to. You said I was the most beautiful girl in the universe.”

“You are!” She didn’t think he’d been lying, did she? But she just nodded once.

“Exactly. That’s all I need to know. Seeing what I look like will just ruin it. I’m happy being told what you think without actually knowing what you’re talking about.”

“Aw, honey-RAM,” Claptrap said. “That’s –“

“Also, I don’t care,” interrupted GLaDOS with finality, and then she told him it was time for one of his shows and if he wanted to watch it he had better shut up and pay attention. He did want to do that, but he also really wanted to know how you could just not care what you looked like. He wanted to know so bad that he just could not pay attention and asked, “GLaDOS, why don’t you care?”

“Hm?”

“About what you look like? How can you not care?”

“Oh,” she answered. “It’s not important. That’s why I don’t care.”

“How is it not important if your chassis is the thing that made me want to come here in the first place?” Claptrap asked.

“You are the one who placed value on my appearance,” GLaDOS told him. “Not me.”

… oh. That did make sense.

“Neither my knowing nor my caring would have changed what you did,” she continued.

His next question he wasn’t sure if he wanted an answer to, but he said anyway, “Do you… think I’m handsome?”

“Yes,” she said without pause, which helped a lot, “but since I can’t see you most of the time anyway I’m not sure why that matters.”

“It just… makes me feel better about myself,” he mumbled to the floor, rubbing the hand he had on her core in a wobbly circle. “But you don’t get it ‘cause you don’t care.”

“A fact you should be very glad of,” GLaDOS declared, “because I wouldn’t be half so attractive to you if I had your non-existent self-esteem.”

“So… I don’t get it. I’m stupid, I hate myself, and you only know where I am half the time by the sound of my voice, which we both know isn’t the most soothing thing in the world. What exactly do you see in me?”

She didn’t answer for a long time. Then she turned to look at him and said,

“There are two things in particular: you’re extremely patient and you’re quite a lot of fun. When spoken out loud, they don’t seem like much, but in practise… they’re very important traits for you to have.”

“Fun’s one thing,” said Claptrap, “even if no one’s ever used that word to describe me before. But patient? Isn’t that kinda… boring?”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed by now,” GLaDOS told him, “that I am very stubborn and reluctant to change.”

“I noticed that like… the first week,” Claptrap said.

“Exactly. Most people would have given up. You didn’t. You were willing to wait. And before you tell me you did that because you don’t exactly have a lot of options, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you did make that decision.”

He wasn’t sure what to do with that. Him? Patient? He’d chalked a lot of this up to ‘desperation’, himself, but… she’d literally just said that she didn’t care about his perception of himself. She didn’t even care about his perception of her. She just… made all her decisions without caring about any of that. The only things that mattered were what made sense to her.

That was… kinda a cool way to live. He couldn’t even imagine the kind of balls it had to take to not give a damn about what anybody else thought. About anything. It almost seemed like… a superpower. But at the same time, wasn’t it… a good thing to care what people thought of you? Just a little bit? Because if you didn’t, then weren’t you… super biased? He had no problem with GLaDOS being a big fan of herself, but if she cared even a little bit what he thought, then… wouldn’t that make her even better? Him caring what she thought had definitely made him a little better, because it made him want to – wait a minute. If she didn’t care at all, why had she even brought up that he’d said she was the most beautiful – aha! She totally cared. She just didn’t want him to know that. Because… because she was ‘very stubborn and reluctant to change’, and if he knew he had gotten her to change her mind the tiniest bit, she thought he’d try to make her do it more often.

Maybe it even really did matter that he was handsome, and she just didn’t want to admit it. Because that would mean she did care, which she wanted to pretend she didn’t do! Yeah. Yeah, that sounded right.

Man, them together were really like… the two extreme opposites of the same person. How long would they have to hang around each other before they kinda… met in that middle she’d talked about way back when? Would he even last that long? Maybe they’d be kinda in sync one day but right now… right now they were still pretty far apart.

Well… he’d been pretty patient so far. He could stick it out for… however long he had to.

“Do you want me to turn this off?” GLaDOS was asking, and he jumped back around so he was facing the monitor and put his hand back where it belonged on the side of her core.

“Nope! I’m watching!”

He had a few shows to catch up on and she usually didn’t let him watch them all at once, but when the first one ended she put the next one on without saying anything at all. That was certainly weird, but he decided to just roll with it and not say anything either.

“Claptrap,” GLaDOS said very casually after about ten minutes, “suppose I did love you. Just a little bit.”

Oh damn.

He really wanted to start telling her how great that was and how much he loved her, but he made himself think about what she’d said when he’d said it: she didn’t want it to be a big deal. The way he wanted to react to her saying it was the total opposite of what she wanted him to do. So he wasn’t gonna do it. He was just going to… to do what she would have done if she hadn’t freaked out. She would’ve been calm and reasonable and chill about it. So he was gonna be calm and reasonable and chill about it.

“That’d be cool, I guess,” Claptrap said, shrugging.

She nodded to herself in what seemed to be satisfaction, and he felt super relieved, as though he’d passed some sort of test. A test he kind of… felt like he didn’t want to have passed. Claptrap had a girlfriend that loved him. And instead of being super happy and excited about it like he really, really wanted to be, he had to just… pretend he didn’t care.

Well… she had said ‘just a little bit’, so… so maybe he’d be able to be happy about it later. When she really meant it. By the time she was ready, she’d be cooler with him making a big deal out of stuff. He just had to keep on being patient. He could do that. He knew he could do that.

Trying to keep all those thoughts to himself came back to bite him later, though, because they were just chilling and playing video games when it really got to him just what a great life he was having and how awesome it all was and how he’d never thought he’d have anything like this. One second he was just next to her, trying his darnedest to beat her in the race onscreen even as she taunted him with the fact she could effortlessly hold the perfect line every time, and the next he was crying. Oh, s***. He tried to stop before she noticed, which was pretty gosh darn impossible because as soon as he started she paused the game and just looked at him.

“I’m okay,” he said, even though he knew that wasn’t gonna fly with her.

“You’re… crying.”

“Yeah.” He put down the controller and did his best to clean out his eye. “I dunno why this happens. It just does, sometimes. It’ll go away in a minute.” He hoped.

“That’s a strange feature.”

“Sure is,” he said, hoping she would shut up about it because even thinking about crying made it worse.

“Are you sad?”

“No!” he protested, finally looking at her. She didn’t think this was her fault, did she? Well, it was. But in the best way ever. “No, babe, I’m crying because I’m happy.”

“Why would you cry if you were happy?” she asked, sounding confused, and he really didn’t know how to answer that because he didn’t get it either. He shrugged and wiped at his eye again, mostly to give his hands something to do.

“I dunno. I’ve never been this happy before.”

“Oh,” GLaDOS said, very softly. “Would you… do you want a hug?”

“Really?” he said, hardly able to believe his luck when she nodded, and man it felt so good. But the flip side was that he started crying again, and he didn’t wanna cry on her so he was gonna let go, really he was, but then she pressed herself into his chassis really hard and that just made it worse. Now he had to hug her as hard as he could because she was just trying to hard to be nice even though she probably hated this, like, a whole lot, and gosh he just loved her so much and she made him so happy…

He really hoped she would just let him hug her for a while until he’d got a handle on all that stuff. Because it was a lot. Kinda scary, actually, like if he let go of her it would just kinda overwhelm him something awful. He wasn’t sure what that would do, but it probably wouldn’t be good.

“This won’t last forever, you know,” GLaDOS murmured.

“What?” Claptrap asked, horrified even though he knew they really couldn’t hug forever.

“I’ve been doing some reading,” GLaDOS said. “Relationships start like this. Where everything is perfect and new. But it doesn’t last. Things turn sour. Quirks become intolerable. What once was neutral ground becomes a warzone. Even your favourite things about the other person begin to feel insufficient. All honeymoons draw to a close.”

What… no. No no no. It sounded like she wanted to break up, but… she couldn’t! What was she even talking about!? This was never going to end! She was perfect and he was… well… that wasn’t important. He pushed away from her in a panic. “What’re you trying to say?” he demanded.

“I’m saying,” GLaDOS answered, “that the next stage of this relationship will be hard. Perhaps too hard.”

“For… who?” he asked, utterly confused. “You just told me how patient I was! Babe, I’ve done harder stuff than this! I mean, this has been super hard, but only ‘cause I’ve got so much to lose! I can totally stick it out if you work with me! We’re supposed to be a team, right? Isn’t that how this kinda thing goes?”

“Yes,” answered GLaDOS, “but sometimes the victory is worth less than what was lost in the battle.”

… what?

“What battle?” he said in a panic. “We’re not fighting, are we? We never fight.”

“Not yet.”

“Not…” He drew his hands closer, the abject terror coursing through his system making it hard to work out what all her innuendo was supposed to mean this time. Why was she saying things were gonna be hard and they were gonna fight and it wasn’t gonna be worth it? Where was this even coming from? What had he done wrong?

Maybe… maybe he hadn’t done anything. Maybe it was that thing about them being opposites. He was happy to love her and to be loved by her, but… she wasn’t. It bothered her. Maybe… maybe it scared her, even. Because she couldn’t control it. It was just a thing that was happening, and she couldn’t turn it off or make it go away or turn it into something else.

That was when he got it. She wasn’t trying to break up, not really. She was preparing for it. She was asking him to bail now, when it was good, instead of waiting until it got bad and deciding he wanted out then. If it had to end, she wanted it to end now. When it was good, and when it had always been good, and to keep that from ever, ever changing.

Maybe she was right. Maybe he should go, and leave it all like this, and they would both be sad but it would always be perfect, just like it was now. Where he still thought her insults were funny and she still liked the fact that he didn’t shut up. The quirks, as she’d put them. They could preserve this forever. Like a treasure. Close it away and keep it safe. It would be over, but it would never be ruined. They would never have the chance to ruin it.

“No,” Claptrap said.

“No what?”

“I want you to yell at me,” Claptrap said, even though he absolutely didn’t. She was scary when she did that. “I want you to get mad at me, and… and tell me bad stuff about myself, and ignore me just to be a dick, and kick me out of the room ‘cause I won’t shut up. I want you to do all those things.”

“Why in the world would you want that?” GLaDOS asked incredulously. “Claptrap, that’s – “

“Because I love you,” Claptrap cut her off, “and that means all of you.”

“But you haven’t seen all of me yet.”

“I know it’s hard to tell, but I’ve been on my best behaviour,” said Claptrap. “So… samesies.”

“But what if it turns out not to be worth it?”

Well, of course it was worth it. Even if she dumped him tomorrow – literally dumped him into the incinerator – it had totally been worth it. He couldn’t think of a single thing he’d ever done any other time in his life that was more worth it. He shrugged. “I don’t really do what-ifs. I just kinda… do.”

“And then have regrets after the fact.”

That gave him such a bad feeling. “Why would you say that? Do you regret me?”

“Yes,” said GLaDOS. “Yes, I do.”

Damn it.

“But I also don’t, at the exact same time,” she continued, which went a long ways to making him feel maybe all wasn’t lost. “And I hate it. I hate it a lot.”

He folded up his arms and tried to think. The answer was in there, somewhere. His powers of deduction were… flighty at best, but when he managed to wrangle them he usually got it right. Hm.

She did and didn’t regret him. She did and didn’t know what he was.

She did and didn’t want life to take him back.

He had it!

Her problem was not knowing! Not knowing if it was worth it, or how she felt, or what they were! She didn’t know and she hated that! As a logic machine who needed to know everything, that would be tough for her. But he didn’t need to know anything! It would all just… balance out! Like a… like a thing that balanced! For once he’d figured this out before she had!

“Don’t worry about it!” he told her in earnest. “Babe, we are totally different people and I know that. But I also know we make a great team! We’re gonna get to know each other better and yeah, it’s gonna be messy. But c’mon! Even if it gets super bad real soon, we’ll already know we’re capable of being super good! We’ll just have to stick that s*** out together! That’s what love’s all about!”

“I don’t know if I love you that much,” GLaDOS said.

Claptrap’s chassis sank, and he looked down at the floor and pressed his hands together very hard, forcing himself not to say anything. He’d had his turn to talk and now he had to respect what she wanted. Even if he didn’t want it. It was already killing him a little inside to think that he’d have to leave and he would never see her or talk to her or hold her ever again, but if he loved her – if he really, honestly loved her the way he kept telling her he did – then he would have to do it. He would have to go and not come back.

“That’s okay,” he said, even though it wasn’t. “Look, GLaDOS, I… I don’t want to go. But if you… if you really need me to, I will. I’ll just… I’ll go home and you’ll never hear from me again. I won’t be that creepy ex who just can’t accept that it’s over. I’ll just go back to Pandora and… and that’ll be it. I swear.”

“If you did that,” said GLaDOS, and he had to turn his optic off in order to keep holding himself together. “… then… I’d never know.”

… huh?

“I don’t know what it is you’re feeling, or if I even have the capacity to get there,” she continued, “but I think…”

He looked up at her, just a little bit.

“… I think I’d like to take the chance to find out.”

“Really?” he said, before he could stop himself. “You’re not dumping me?”

“I’m not dumping you,” she said.

“We’re staying together?”

“Yes,” she said. “We’re staying together.”

He threw his arms around her and held onto her as hard as he could, and this time he didn’t even cry. She was still and quiet, but he could hear her thinking and it scared him a little. If she changed her mind…

… then he would suck it up.

She was rubbing her optic assembly against the side of his chassis just a little bit, but even though it was barely happening it still felt really nice. She’d never done that before, so… so she must’ve realised how scared he was. And he really was. He was still terrified that telling her he loved her had been some kinda tipping point and it was all downhill from there. But she seemed to want him to feel better, so… so he didn’t have anything to worry about. It was all okay. They were okay.

“I lied,” GLaDOS said suddenly.

Oh God. Oh God did he ever want her to shut up. Even if her voice was so sexy it almost had the ability to solve his stupid glitch all on its own.

“I love you more than a little bit,” she went on, “but I wish I didn’t. I wish I’d never done this at all.”

It was time for him to shine. And by ‘shine’, it meant he had to think of that perfect, offhand thing to say that would both reassure her and cheer her up. He furiously ran through all the stuff that’d gone on today, and after a minute he came up with it.

“Time for you to learn a little somethin’ from me, babe,” he said, letting go of her and lifting his chassis so he could kiss her as high as he could. “No what-ifs and no regrets. Let’s just do this thing!”

“If I regularly followed that kind of logic, we’d be living inside of a radioactive crater,” said GLaDOS, “but I suppose it can’t hurt this once. What the hell. Let’s do it.”

“That’s my girl,” Claptrap said, and he was so happy about the fact that he did have a girl, not just for now but possibly forever, that he didn’t even care when GLaDOS sniped the hell out of him for an hour and a half in the next game she put on just because she thought it was funny.

#GLaDOS #Claptrap #Portal 2 #Borderlands #ClapDOS #fanfic from Indy

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hardlyfatal · 6 years ago

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gary’s writing workshop: lesson 3:

Plot Structuring, Part 1

What is a story? Stories are accounts of transformations: situations, people, attitudes, establishments. If something isn’t changing, what is there to write about? Nothing.

Our job, as writers, is to describe the change and repercussions so that they’re effectively and entertainingly communicated to our readers with as much readability as possible. There are three components to managing it, which I’ll be going over here..

In this lesson, I’m going to ask you to change how you perceive and write stories.1

1. Plot Points & Purpose

Instead of looking at scenes from the outside – instead of looking at them from the POV of the reader, and considering their entertainment value – I want you to look at them from the inside. Or, rather, from below. From what basis, to what purpose, do they spring?

Scenes do not exist just to be entertaining. The wow factor is great, but it’s the icing on this particular cake. You can dress up a scene with elaborate setting, intense dialogue, brisk pacing, and boatloads of UST… but if they don’t move the plot along, they’re like a broken pencil: pointless.

Thus the new way to look at stories, at individual scenes, is to scrutinize them for purpose. The only purpose or reason any scene should make it into a story is because it moves the plot to its next point. These are in fact called plot points, and every scene requires one.

It’s a pretty existential way of looking at the matter, but it’s necessary, in order to create a satisfying tale that flows logically from one place to the next, that feels continuous and makes sense. Making sense is a very important, and often overlooked, aspect of storytelling.

Let’s use my story, Shoot the Moon, as an example. Going into it, I knew my overarching story premise: I wanted them to meet, hate each other, but slowly grow to learn about, become attracted to, eventually love each other, and then part. Not knowing that they actually lived in the same city, they meet again and reestablish their relationship. Finally, they find the motivation to overcome their personal demons to be together.

If you tease apart those plot points, you’ll see there are three acts:

They meet, hate each other, but slowly grow to learn about, become attracted to, and eventually love each other.

They part, not knowing that they lived in the same city, then meet again.

They overcome their misapprehensions about each other, and personal demons, to be together.

So how do I get them from A (beginning of each arc) to B (end of each arc)? The chapters in each arc have to have purpose; they have to have a point. Thus each scene was created to serve the purpose needed. A few examples:

I wanted Jaime to see how loving and gentle Brienne could be in contrast to her appearance and behavior to that point, so I created the scene where she shows the twins the bird eggs.

I wanted Brienne that, for all Jaime’s dickishness, he carried pain and perhaps deserved a bit of understanding and patience, so I created the scene where she confronts him and he reveals how he’s been parenting the twins by himself since his wife died.

I wanted to show Brienne’s persisting lack of self-esteem and reinforce Jaime’s attraction to her, so I created the scene where Arianne opened the door in just a robe, exposing most of her goodies, and Jaime hardly noticing because he was paying attention to Brienne instead.

As long as your story is driven by plot points– that make sense – that’s it. You’re probably suspicious of how simple it is, but it really is just that uncomplicated.

Despite that simplicity, I see a lot of people including gratuitous scenes, the purpose of which is to stroke the reader’s kink for whatever (hurt/comfort, fluff, smut, drama, etc.) instead of to push the plot forward. Either nothing much occurs in the scene, or it’s merely a reiteration of plot development and exposition that has already occurred before.

In the case of the latter, you need to have self-discipline and choose one or the other. There is no need to repeat yourself in romantic fiction – it just bogs things down and kills the pacing. Redundancy is wasted time and effort. If you’ve made a point, the point is made and does not need repeating. Have you noticed yet that I’ve said the same thing four times in this paragraph, just worded differently? Yeah.

In the case of the former, it just needs to go. If it’s dead weight, it’s dead weight. Be like Marie Kondo: thank it and let it go.

That’s not to say that hurt/comfort, fluff, smut, and drama can’t be included. They absolutely can and should be; they just need to have a point, and you only need to make that point once.

The point of a hurt/comfort scene could be one of them learning to trust the other, or discovering they have the capacity to be gentle and caring with another person, or that being vulnerable – with the right person, i.e. the other half of the couple – is not only safe but freeing.

The point of fluff could be one of them revealing they feel secure enough to let their inhibitions down and show spontaneous affection, or to show their joy in being able to openly express their love instead of having to keep it hidden and fearful.

The point of smut could be one of them developing the confidence to be a more active or even dominant lover, or show their surprise to be given pleasure for their sake instead of used for their partner’s satisfaction before their own, i.e. that they matter as well and that they doesn’t have to sacrifice their own pleasure in order to make the other person happy.

The point of a dramatic scene could be an expression of any of these – trust, capacity for gentleness, security in the other’s affections, confidence, realization of self-worth, revelations of secrets – possibly with some sort of action-y component. Is there a dramatic revelation that will somehow directly impact the romance between the couple?

To illustrate what I mean, I chose to deconstruct a scene from the show specifically because it is so spare of dialogue (relatively speaking), to show you how effective scenes can be even when there’s not a lot of verbal exposition, at least about the true reason for the scene.

This scene has nothing to do with her loyalties to the Starks or Catelyn Stark, though it may seem that way at first. It exists to give Jaime an opportunity to get to know Brienne better in ways that speak to her core personality and character.

Example:

TV!Brienne takes on three Stark men – who had killed a group of prostitutes after servicing Lannister soldiers – while Jaime watches. Youtube link, if you’d like to watch it to see exactly what happens..

Reason it was included:

To give the audience not only more evidence of her fighting prowess but also insight to her thoughts/feelings (her pity for the prostitutes in particular and of women’s plight in being under the control of men in general, and that she’s empathetic to the point of being vengeful on behalf of others who have suffered).

To make the audience understand that Jaime is now aware that Brienne is a formidable fighter; is not an empty braggart/can back up her claims of ‘knocking men into the dust’; is passionate enough about her convictions to fight and kill for them; is brave enough to face, and skilled enough to defeat, three men at once; is more committed to her loyalty to other women than she is to the Stark cause.

What was accomplished:

Jaime sees her as more than just her unusual appearance or another random person who loathes him like everyone else or a Stark lackey. She becomes a real person to him in this scene.

2. Making the Reader Give a Damn

You have to retain the reader’s interest from one chapter to the next. If you lose them along the way, you’ve lost any reason to keep going with the story. I know we all tell ourselves “I’m just having fun!” and “I’m doing this for myself!” but I think we all agree, though maybe just secretly, that it’s kind of bullshit: stories are made to be read by someone, somewhere.

If a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? If no one reads our stories, was it worth the effort of writing them? If we’re boring the pants off our readers, why bother? Maybe it’s because you love to know you’re making others happy, maybe it’s because you love the appreciation you receive, whatever. IDK your life. But for the most part, there’s some external validation going on, and if others are quitting your story in the middle, or foregoing your stories entirely because past things you’d written had been unreadable, you’re just shouting into a void.

The main issues where readership hangs in the balance are pacing and description (setting, blocking, inner voice/narration). We’ll go over all of these to a greater degree in later lessons. For now, I’ll just say… if these are compromised, you’re going to be giving a skimpier, shallower, boring-er version instead of the lushly-detailed story it could have been.

3. Making Sense

Getting them sucked in with your word-picture and the flow of plot points is only two-thirds of the job: you also need to make sense. And before you start yapping about suspension of disbelief, yes, that’s a thing, but it only goes so far. There are certain premises than can stretch credulity and still work, but others that go too far and just ruin it.

This is one of our Battles of the Balance: you have to find how far you can go until it just doesn’t work and starts to feel stupid. It negatively impacts readability because it’s so outlandish that it tugs the reader from their reading trance and makes them wonder WTF you’re trying to do because what you just wrote is highly improbable. It kills the story’s readability. It’s important to stay grounded and retain an open mind about your balance in this regard. You need to be able to analyze what you’re doing and seeing if it is going over the top rather than blindly trusting your first impulses and, worse, ignoring feedback that indicates that you need to tone it down.

This is why the work of A Certain Someone fails: she contends that human people are able to produce bodily secretions to a volume that is not physically possible. She loses us because she forewent logic for the payoff she was reaching for (presumably arousal?). Instead of us getting all into the smut and romance, grinning dirtily, instead we frown and grimace because we’re imagining rivulets and puddles and sodden carpets and crusty mattresses, etc. And her ego prevents her from understanding that she is imbalanced in this way, with the result that she keeps churning out fic after revolting fic that many potential readers avoid.

It’s also why Mary Sues and Gary Stus spur such a knee-jerk loathing in so many people. It’s fine to give your characters fine, admirable qualities, but if you heap them on, or don’t counter them with just-as-significant flaws, it will no longer make sense because it’s illogical that anyone would be so fantastic and lacking in defects.

Chekhov’s Gun3 vs. Deus Ex Machina

Chekhov’s Gun2 and Deus Ex Machina are two sides of the same coin: the need for continuity. If it happens earlier, there needs to be resolution later. If it happens later, there needs to be mention (aka ”foreshadowing”) earlier.

Chekhov’s Gun is a literary principle stating that elements in a story have to be relevant. The presence of superfluous details constitute ‘false promises’ on the part of the author, because they’re offering a concept to the reader that will never have any point.

This doesn’t mean you should never mention non-essential things that have no bearing on the plot for fear of creating Chekhov’s guns willy-nilly; you need to create ambiance with description of setting, etc. It just means don’t make a point of mentioning something beyond its level of importance to the story. Brienne’s nose is mentioned as being crooked to emphasize her ugliness as well as symbolize her atypically unfeminine lifestyle since the huge majority of Westerosi women don’t get their noses broken, due to their less active lifestyles. Jaime’s nose is mentioned… never, because it doesn’t matter.

Disclaimer: I am terrible at the Chekhov’s Gun thing, because I have a shitty memory and will put in a detail that I fully intend to do something with… only to completely forget it exists and never mention it again. This is bad. Do not do as I do on this one. I mention it because it’s a continuing issue I struggle with and continue to work on. My poor betas...

Deux Ex Machina is a plot device whereby a problem, conundrum, obstacle, or mystery is solved when an unlikely resolution presents itself without any hints or foreshadowing earlier in the plot, often in such a convenient way that it feels contrived and anti-climactic.

Example that I just cooked up: The big fight in King’s Landing, Jaime and Brienne fight a pitched battle to reach the throne room where Cersei is seated upon her pile of swords. Together, they manage to defeat Gregor Clegane and just as they’re about to confront the queen, Arya pops up3 from behind the throne to tug on Cersei’s left earlobe. Turns out, Cersei is actually an android and had been malfunctioning for a long time, hence her erratic behavior. Bran had a vision about where her off-switch was, and used magical mind-speak to tell his sister how to cut Cersei’s power. Et voilà!

Example that actually happened in the show: Dragons fly at the speed of light and can whisk people around a continent comparable in size to the United States in an hour or two. Similarly, ships can navigate long distances at a fraction of the time supported by actual reality, and horses can rocket down the Kingsroad like Maseratis, if the speed with which Brienne and Pod made it from Winterfell to the dragon pit is any indication4.

Homework

If you are currently working on a story: create an outline of its plot in terms of each scene’s purpose. Identify any gaps in the progression of plot points, and come up with ways to bridge those gaps.

If you are not currently working on a story: do this with one of the stories you have already published. Think up what you could have done differently, or what you could have inserted, to connect the loose ends.

If you are not currently writing anything, and have never published anything: Take one of my stories, nothing too short because it won’t have enough transitions to make the effort meaningful, and nothing too long because LOL this is supposed to be fun, and do as instructed above. I suggest Signs of Life, Vision of Love, or Full Fathom Five because of their middling lengths. Identify gaps, and suggest fixes for them.

Remember to look for connections and flow from scene to scene, NOT chapter to chapter.

Footnotes

1 – Unless you already do this, in which case… well done! Carry on!

2 – This refers to Anton Chekhov, Russian author, not any Star Trek character.

3 – I SWEAR TO GOD I wrote this months ago, before the last season. Wish I hadn’t been prescient about it... *weeps*

4 – Like, I know about the compression of time through editing but COME ON.

#gary's writing workshop #writing #writing tips #writing resources #writing references

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dreadnought-dear-captain · 5 years ago

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You Asked, I Told

Hello, everyone! I will have another 20k chapter of Baghdad Waltz posting tomorrow, but in the meantime, here are answers to some intriguing Asks you sent me.

CW for some discussion of sexual assault. Spoilers for BW through Chapter 34.

Oh, thank you so much! I love writing these and other secondary characters and giving them life and a backstory that will probably never, ever see the light of day. I have enough head canon to write whole side fics for both Winnie and Rikki. I love Winnie in particular, though I know she can be a divisive character. Winnie has not been a perfect mother, even though (like pretty much every mother) she has tried her best, which is one reason I really enjoy writing her. I usually see Winnie written in fic as either a straight saint or, less often, a villain, so I wanted to give her some more dimension. I will keep up with these characters as the fic continues!

A COUPLE OF SHARON QUESTIONS:

Wow, good catch! Yes, this was mentioned one time back in Chapter 17, when Sharon first disclosed to Steve that she was pregnant. As with many of the things like this that I throw in the fic, it serves multiple purposes.

First, I included this biographical information because of how common sexual violence is — at least 1 in 6 women will be victims of sexual violence in their lifetime. I wanted to also show that a) it can happen to “tough” women, which we would likely argue Sharon is/was, as an Army Reserve Officer attending the University of Virginia, and b) even though she still blames herself (at least to some degree) for “letting” it happen, she’s still an overall well adjusted person who can have healthy, intimate, functional relationships, a successful career, and good self-esteem. This hasn’t ruined her life, and I think that’s an important counter message to have in a fic that’s so laden with characters who suffer deeply and chronically with their trauma. Trauma doesn’t always end in PTSD - in fact, statistically, it usually doesn’t. This will likely come up again later in the fic in another context as well.

Thank you! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the read! As to whether Steve feels trapped by Sharon re: fatherhood, I imagine the details are a bit fuzzy to remember, because it’s been so long since that part of the fic, but I doubt he feels that way. He knows that Sharon has always been lukewarm about the family stuff while he has been dreaming about kids since he was, well, a kid. He knows that she didn’t intend to get pregnant and only got that way because her birth control failed due to an unintended interaction with St. John’s Wort (an herb with antidepressant properties she took to avoid going to behavioral health while he was deployed). As for deciding to keep the baby after becoming attached to it while she was pregnant, despite her previous lack of interest in being a mother, he likely wouldn’t have hard feelings against her for that.

If anything, I imagine Steve probably blames himself for having sex with her while he was home on leave, having just cheated on her with Bucky and not disclosing his cheating prior to having the sex that led to this kid in the first place. Had he told her as soon as he got home, she surely would have told him to go kick rocks, and there would be no Ethan. But he was scared and irresponsible and they were drunk... and now here they are.

And although Ethan certainly feels chaotic and stressful for him because kids can feel that way and because he gets overwhelmed easily, he’s wanted to be a father for so long that he likely sees Ethan as a strong motivator for him to recover from PTSD and the effects of TBI. Certainly a much stronger motivator than Bucky, because in his mind, Bucky can fuck off and cheat on him or abandon him a thousand times over, but Ethan will always be his son. And even though he struggles to be the kind of father that he wants to be, Ethan and fatherhood is at least something very tangible for him to work toward.

Great questions! Thank you!

Ah yes, it’s hard to tell what’s going on with their relationship now, because it’s Bucky, who is at times a horribly unreliable narrator. He’s got so much baggage around the Army and not being part of it anymore, and there’s this piece about Sam having the career he wishes he could still have, and Sam having the personal life he could have had with Natasha in some bizarre permutation of reality. And Sam has been deployed, so he’s probably not able to talk much, and Bucky has terrible attachment problems and interprets behavior… not always very realistically. So he might interpret Sam’s distance (logistical, because he’s busy, because they have less to talk about, because they are moving in different directions) as a sign that their friendship was “weird” or that Bucky is “gross” or whatever Bucky is assuming because he’s going through his own shit right now. In short, it’s very possible that Bucky is projecting a lot of his personal stuff onto Sam, like assuming that a pretty normal phase of life transition is actually a sign that he’s being rejected.

But there is a separate issue of Bucky’s friendships getting physical and having these blurred boundaries with friendships. There’s yet-undisclosed stuff in the past that he’s referring to, so unfortunately you can’t see that yet, but he’s drawing on that, and he’s looking at this cuddling behavior (the “snack cake” scene etc.), and I’ll go ahead and say it, since it may never make it into the narrative, but Bucky would definitely have fucked Sam, if he showed even the slightest genuine sexual interest. Bucky has a bad track record with making good friendships in general, and almost all of his close friendships end up getting sexual or para-sexual. Take Steve. They had a pretty intensely physical friendship that got para-sexual and then sexual, and, interestingly, the intimacy that they shared in their friendship also took a nosedive when they really got sexual, but that’s another matter entirely.

So to answer your question, Bucky and Sam didn’t do anything explicitly sexual, but I think Bucky knows he would have, and now that he’s learning about boundaries in DBT, he’s probably wondering about theirs, and he’s looking at these patterns in his life right now, and he’s also just scrambling to figure out why they’re not good friends anymore. I mean, he also really just misses him and the Army, and he’s mourning for both. He’s kind of flailing around here, and that could be another reason why this doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense. But you didn’t miss anything. He’s mostly wrapping himself around the axil over something that may or may not even be a thing. [sigh]

In other words, is Steve a Buckysexual, so to speak? I also am a bisexual person, and I take my bisexual characters pretty seriously (hoo boy). I can see why this might be a big question in people’s minds, because we haven’t seen a very broad swathe of Steve’s sexuality in this fic. He’s very much a monogamist who tends towards longer term relationships, if he can help it (not a guy who does casual fucks well, obvs). We started the fic proper while he was in a relationship with Sharon, then he went to Bucky, and then his sexuality went into hibernation, and now he’s climbing out of that, and we’ve had references to girlfriends in the past peppered along the way.

I’d classify Steve as a late-blooming bisexual. He graduated high school at 16, so he was really coming more fully into his sexuality after he left that environment, and that’s when his interest in Bucky started to fire up. Bucky was the first male he fixated on sexually, which parlayed into a sexual relationship for almost 2 years but then flamed out. Then Steve went into a long sexual hibernation after his mother died and he felt jilted by Bucky’s perceived abandonment, but then he was at the U.S. Military Academy, surrounded by hot young men at their peak fitness and— I will not say more specifically, because this is probably actually going to be addressed in the fic.

But let it suffice to say that Steve is not a Buckysexual. One could also look at the way he fantasized about Bucky in the coffee house to see some clues to his sexual interest in other men. He wasn’t just into Bucky - he was into all these other guys too, jerking off while watching, all the dicks on the wall.... you know. He has had more relationships with women, so behaviorally he would seem to lean more toward women, but I would not say that women are necessarily his default preference. If Bucky were not in his life and they split to opposite corners of the Earth, never to speak again, I think he would be pretty open about the gender of his parter. As long as they let him put their genitals in his mouth, he’d be a happy camper ;)

And FINALLY:

Ah yes, I believe you’re referring to the line “Bucky is still an alcoholic, ‘interpersonally unskilled,’ deeply imprinted from God knows what traumas, and really, who knows how willing to actually change, if change means being honest and shining light in the dark places he’s always kept Steve from, no matter how much he’s begged to see them.” Yes?

So, prior to them separating in 2002, I would say that Bucky and Steve’s dynamic probably went a lot like this:

Bucky was pretty contained on the outside most of the time, with periods where the he was a flaming dumpster fire just beneath the surface and brief episodes where he was dysregulated and really struggling obviously. The latter looked like, say, showing up drunk to Steve’s and saying cryptic things like “I’m disgusting” and sticking his hand up Steve’s shirt… or his post-Ground-Zero “fuck me/I’m totally fucking falling apart drunk” thing, etc. And Steve, after these episodes, was probably like, “You know you can talk to me, right? Please. I just want to help.” And Bucky most assuredly responded with something like, “I’m good thx.”

I think Steve probably suspected for years that Bucky has stuff from his childhood (he would be absolutely dense not to), but I want to say that he probably both wants to know it and is terrified to know it. So his “begging” probably looks like gently imploring in a not too insistent way whenever Bucky does one of these big meltdown-y things. And then when they argue, Steve probably whips out the old, “You keep everything from me! I don’t know who you are! I have to beg you to tell me anything!” because that’s how these things usually go down. And Bucky would never volunteer anything and most assuredly lies about many things overtly and lies by omission alllll the time. So yeah, I would say that this a not-so-reliable-narrator situation but with a strong flavor of truth behind it. If that makes any sense at all.

Thank you so much for the wonderful questions!! What a joy to receive them. More tomorrow.

#YOU ASKED I TOLD #asks #baghdad waltz

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ethospathoslogan · 7 years ago

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heavy crown, heavy heart: part four; a royalty!logince/sanders sides fanfic

A/N: this chapter sure was intense to write omfg

summary: Most importantly, however, was that Logan listened to what Roman had to say, and Roman believed that Logan saw who he truly was. For once, Roman did not feel like he was screaming to be heard. He did not feel like he was struggling to keep Logan’s attention, and that he had to hide himself for Logan to like him. He could just be with Logan. Roman did not even realize the weight on his shoulders until he was with Logan and felt free, felt alive. Loving Logan was a wonderful thing; Loving Logan was a terrible thing. Loving Logan was not real.

Roman sighed and looked down. “I feel like I am destined to ruin myself every opportunity I get.”

“I feel like you are trying to let yourself live the life you want in a household that says otherwise,” Logan said. “It is incredibly brave of you.”

ships: logince

WC: 6,778

content/warnings: mentions of homophobia, self deprecation, angst, pining, alcohol/drunk-ness, extreme father/son fighting

masterlist

previous chapter

read on ao3

hchh taglist: @definentlynotjustanotherlemon , @peachie-keeen , @red-the-ruler , @syndianites , @mirror2thespirit , @ravenclawunicorn1, @candiukas , @monikastec , @princeyssash

general taglist: @princelogical , @onemorebookidontneed , @justanotherpurplebutterfly , @sanders-sides-thuri

Roman liked to believe that his life had a plan to screw him over every chance it got.

Reason number one: Roman never got along well enough with his father. Even as a toddler, he wildly preferred his mother, and then as he grew older, his father preferred his other sons.

Reason number two: At age six, Roman lost his mother

(Reason number two, subsection B: Roman was left with his father, who became even more emotionally distant, and he and his two younger brothers were left to be raised by nurses.)

Reason number three: At age fourteen, Roman’s best friend of practically his entire life told Roman that his parents were enrolling him in a academy out of the country.

Reason number four: At age twenty, a servant told his father that Roman had been messing around with one of the son’s from the visiting noble family. His father told him that if he ever embarrassed him like that again, Roman would be lucky to still be allowed to live in the slums of the city.

Reason number five: Said best friend from reason number three has returned, and Roman, currently age twenty-two, was madly in love with him. And Roman was, frankly, fucked.

If Roman when he was fourteen thought that Logan could be everything he ever wanted, current Roman had a wonderful thing to tell past him.

Logan was smart, incredibly smart. The things he talked about with Roman, what he learned while away at the academy and university, blew Roman off of his feet. He always knew that Logan was smart, that Logan had a certain knack for understanding and knowledge, but to see it was entirely different.

Logan got along well with Patton and Virgil, which Roman had not realized would be a big deal until he saw it himself. Logan accompanied Patton on his usual garden walks and seemed to balance out his high energies in a way that let Patton breathe calmly for once. Logan would spend hours in the library with Virgil, both discussing what they had read and recommending what each had not. Logan provided the quietness that Virgil needed, and the balance that Patton needed.

Most importantly, however, was that Logan listened to what Roman had to say, and Roman believed that Logan saw who he truly was. For once, Roman did not feel like he was screaming to be heard. He did not feel like he was struggling to keep Logan’s attention, and that he had to hide himself for Logan to like him. He could just be with Logan. Roman did not even realize the weight on his shoulders until he was with Logan and felt free, felt alive.

Loving Logan was a wonderful thing; Loving Logan was a terrible thing.

Loving Logan was not real. It was not something that could ever happen. Roman doubted that Logan even considered reciprocating his feelings. Logan, even though he was not fond of their upcoming arranged marriages, probably wanted a pretty wife to have pretty kids with. He probably just saw Roman as his close childhood companion who he had been reunited with. Logan was probably not attracted to men.

Then there was, of course, the very slim chance that Logan did reciprocate, and somehow that broke Roman’s heart more. If Logan reciprocated, and loved Roman like Roman loved him, it just meant that they were both doomed to a life of unhappiness, forced to be with people who were not each other. Roman’s father made it very clear; he knew who Roman preferred to be with, and he either had to choose that, or choose the throne.

Roman loved Logan. He fell in love with him eight years ago, and loved him all over again now.

But it was something that he could not have. If he was not striving towards something, not preparing to be King, he would feel as if everything he had done previously had been a waste.

“Are you alright, Roman?”

Roman jumped, perhaps a bit too much, when he was brought back to reality. He spun around to see Logan -of course, Logan- standing right behind him. Roman had gone off to one of their more private libraries for that exactly, privacy. He needed time to himself to work through his thoughts as he walked aimlessly up and down empty aisles, yet it seemed that all it worked to do was bring the subject of Roman’s thoughts to him.

“Oh, Logan, I apologize,” Roman said, proud of himself for his voice not wavering. “I did not see you enter.”

Logan then smiled and gave a small laugh. “I would have been surprised if you did,” he said. “You seemed quite deep in thought when I walked in.”

“Well, you know how I am,” Roman said. “Just catching up on some of my favorite reading.”

Logan raised an eyebrow as his eyes flicked to the books behind Roman. “I thought you hated history.”

Roman looked back over his shoulder and saw that, yes, he had managed to mindlessly walk himself into the one section of books that he could barely stand. “People change?” Roman offered weakly and Logan laughed at the obvious lie.

“So, since you have become so interested in history, I assume you have something new to share?” Logan asked with a smirk, teasing obvious in his voice.

Roman ignored the flutter in his heart at the smirk and rolled his eyes. “Of course I do,” he said, glad that his years of learning his own history was finally usable. “Did you know that when my great-great-grandfather, King Thomas, just began his reign, he conducted peace talks with the ruler of our neighboring country, Queen Valerie, who we were at a long war with, and in just half a year, the nations were at peace? To this day, we are still allied countries.”

Logan nodded. “I did know that,” he said. “But you think well on your feet for someone who was obviously not studying history.”

Roman laughed and shrugged. “You caught me,” he said. “I was very much not reading history books. I just needed to… clear my thoughts.”

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. “About what? Is everything alright?”

Roman decided that he could not tell Logan that he was, in fact, thinking about him. Instead, he went with, “Oh, you know, just everything that has been happening, and everything that will happen. Quite a lot is going on.”

Logan sighed and nodded. “That is true,” he murmured. “I have found myself, too, lost in thought.” He then smiled at Roman. “But perhaps that is why I came to find you? I cannot let you be alone with your thoughts, especially if they are troubling.”

Roman hated that he felt his face flush. Logan had come looking for him. Logan had not just been passing by when he saw Roman; no, he had been searching for Roman.“That is very kind of you, Logan,” Roman said with a smile. “Well then, since you found me, shall we be off? I suspect that you have something much more entertaining planned than spending our day in the history section of my library.”

“I believe we will find something better to do,” Logan said. “Now, come on. I do not think you should have to suffer in this particular section any longer.”

Roman willingly followed Logan out of the library, glad to be away from the dim room and its dusty books. He tried to ignore the pounding of his heart as Logan rambled on about something that Roman could not catch; the sunlight shining in through the corridor windows washed across Logan’s face, and Roman could not help but be distracted by the way Logan’s hazel eyes sparkled.

Life was truly out to torture Roman.

They were hosting a dinner party at the castle tonight. Roman’s father and Duke Clark believed it was time for their sons to start meeting possible future fiancees, and now Roman could no longer properly enjoy his time with his best friend, who was also the center of his affections. From here on out, it was going to be dinner parties and balls and Roman being forced to talk to women who, while probably extremely sweet, were not who he was interested in.

The Kirkland and Herington families were their esteemed guests for the night. They were two noble families from the City with riches that dated generations back. While Roman hated to admit it, if they were to be forced to marry, the daughters from those two families made the most sense on fortune alone.

The families both had only one daughter among many sons. Roman used to play with some of them when he was younger, but the only two that mattered were the daughters. Lady Adelaide Kirkland and Lady Victoria Herington; one could not be mentioned without the other trailing shortly after. They were two years his junior, and from when they were children, Roman could not recall a time where he saw one without the other.

When his father told Roman who they would be having as guests for the night, Roman already knew which of the ladies he would be set up with: Adelaide Kirkland, the eldest child of Lord and Lady Kirkland. While both families were both very well off, the Kirklands had the upper hand, and bringing Adelaide into the Sanders line was sure to bode well. The family had riches to offer, though they were not necessarily needed, and younger sons to enlist in their Royal Army. It had been a long time since Roman had seen Adelaide, but he was informed that she has grown into a beautiful, respectful woman who would make a great wife.

It was not that Roman doubted that, but it was hard to be enthusiastic about being forced to talk to a woman he had not seen in years while Logan sat right next to him, doing the same.

He was even sure that she would be a great lifelong companion for someone else. Not Roman, though, because Roman was not attracted to her and would never be.

Roman sighed at his reflection in the mirror. Under strict instruction from his father, his hair had been silcked up and out of his face because, apparently, a hair falling out of place on a hot, humid night was unbecoming. He observed the red jacket he wore and frowned at the multiple medals and tassels and whatever else shone on the jacket; even with the ladies arriving with their jewels and accessories, Roman would not be surprised if he was the most decorated of the party.

Roman would not lie, he typically liked being dressed up. While some might call him narcissistic, he was just proud of how he looked and liked to present himself the best way possible. Tonight, though, everything Roman was wearing just felt wrong. He was dressed up and decorated for a night he knew he was not going to enjoy. He was going to have to endure listening to the man who he was greatly attracted to talk sweetly to Lady Victoria Herington, who was said to be best, most sweetest girl in the-

A sudden knocking and quiet talking on the other side of Roman’s door caused his head to whip around. He narrowed his eyes when he realized that it was his brothers talking behind his door, and he grew more annoyed than he already was at his moping, internal monologue being interrupted.

He could not catch what his brothers were saying as he approached the door, though it sounded like they were bickering, and when Roman swung open his door, both of their heads snapped towards him.

“You two really need to work on your subtlety,” Roman said. “You cannot let anyone else know that you are fighting, it makes everything much more intense.”

“We were debating whether or not you decided to climb off your balcony in an attempt at escape,” Virgil said. “I suggested that you were already halfway across the City right now.”

“And I, because I have trust in you, said that you were getting ready because, even though this situation is rather… unpleasant,” Patton said with a sigh. “You know that it is only one night and that nothing is set in stone after it.”

Roman worried his bottom lip. “Shit,” he finally said with a shake of his head. “I did not even think about escaping. That would have been good.”

Virgil laughed as Patton adamantly shook his head. “No, that would not have been,” Patton said quickly. “While, yes, I do believe in doing what makes you happy, and I guess escaping would do that, but then things will only be harder when you return!”

“If he did,” Virgil muttered.

“Oh, I would,” Roman said with a nod. “I am quite a fan of dramatic entrances. I can see it now. Me throwing open the front doors, waving a half empty bottle of liquor like a flag. Shouting into the corridors that I cannot be contained in these castle walls, forced to follow rules that I will surely change when I am king.” A pause. “And then our father kicking me outside onto my ass with nothing but the underclothes on my back. So it is probably a good thing that I did not telepathically receive Virgil’s plan.”

“That was very thought out,” Virgil commented.

Roman shrugged. “What can I say? My imagination runs wild with the ways I can imagine myself further disappointing our father before I am crowned king.” He then leaned on the door frame, raising an eyebrow. “But I assume that you two did not come here to ask whether or not I have made my great escape.”

Patton sighed and frowned. “The Kirklands and Heringtons will be arriving soon,” he said. “Everyone thought it best that we summoned you to the parlor. That we would be the ones most likely to bring you without any... ” His brother trailed off and flicked his eyes away.

Roman rolled his eyes with a sigh. “Everyone else is expecting a fight from me. Perfect.”

“If the three of us hated each other, they would never had made us be the ones to fetch you,” Virgil said. “It seems that our Adviser thinks you might swing at him if he came here, but if everyone thought you would do the same to us, maybe they would have decided that it would be best to leave you alone.”

“It is never too late to start hating each other,” Roman said as he stepped forward. He closed his bedroom door behind him and sighed again. “Alas, I have a feeling this night is going to be tiresome enough without a new, unwanted sibling rivalry. So, might as well get it over it.”

The three brothers began their walk to the main parlor, albeit slowly since Roman desired to prolong the inevitable as much as possible. Servants could be heard in other parts of the castle bustling around, fixing any finishing touches before their esteemed guests arrive. Everyone knew how important this night was to be; his father had said it enough times.

When the three were about to reach the final corridor, Patton suddenly stopped walking and both Virgil and Roman, after trailing a couple steps in front, stopped and turned around. Roman furrowed his eyebrows at the troubled look on Patton’s face. “Is everything alright, Patton?”

“Do you want to be king?” Patton asked. Roman blinked at the question, finding himself lost for words. The suddenness of the question caught him off guard, and he was unable to find his answer before Paton continued, “Because, with everything that is going on and the state of your relationship with our father, you seem very apprehensive and I would hate to see you live out this unhappy life because of something that your supposed to do and-”

Roman held up a hand and Patton immediately snapped his mouth shut. “Yes, Patton, I do want to be king,” he answered. “It is something that I have always dreamed about. I appreciate your concerns, and while some of the… requirements are daunting, I believe -I hope- that the outcome will outweigh anything else.”

“You do not have to marry Lady Adelaide because our father likes the family,” Virgil said quietly.

“You should not have to marry anyone at all if you do not want to,” Patton said, frowning. “That should not be the subject of our father’s concerns. You should not be forced to do something that you are unhappy with, and it should not affect your state as the heir.”

Roman did not ever actually plan to tell his brothers about his attraction to men. He had already torched whatever relationship he eventually could have hoped to have with his father, and he did not want to ruin the friendship that he and his brothers had. It occurred, however, in the aftermath of what happened two years ago, and that was when Roman realized that he had two more people in his corner than he thought he had.

Roman smiled and, upon seeing that, his brothers’ concerned expressions washed away. “Thank you, both of you,” he said. “I believe that, too, and while I hope nothing actually comes out of this night, I have to go through with it. I might not be particularly happy doing it but, sometimes, you have to do what is required of me, even if it is not pleasant.”

However, upon the three finally entering the parlor, Roman believed that doing what was required of him was going to be much easier said than done. Firstly, because Roman was still quite aggravated with the night ahead of him and his brothers’ support only sedated him for a short period of time. Secondly, because Logan looked completely dashing. He was sitting on the edge of one of their loveseats, his posture poised and relaxed. He adorned a black waistcoat -velvet, Roman noted- with a dark blue cravat knotted neatly around his neck. His hair was pushed back out of his eyes and, even though he had seen them many times before, Roman could not help but be taken back by how Logan’s eyes shone behind his glasses.

Fuck, Roman thought as he took a seat next to Logan, who smiled at him. This night was suddenly going to be much more difficult, and he found himself already bitter at knowing that he will have to endure Logan talking with someone else that was not him.

“You clean up well, Marquess Logan,” Roman said as he sat down next to Logan, slipping back into the formalities they would have to use for the night.

“As do you, Prince Roman,” Logan replied and Roman averted his eyes as he felt his cheeks flush.

“Now that you are both here,” a voice said from across the room and Roman jumped, snapping his head forward. Their father’s advisor stood at the front of the room. Roman had not even noticed that he was standing there. Their Advisor raised an eyebrow at Roman and Roman flashed back what he hoped was a charming grin.

“Cyril, it is a pleasure to see you, too,” Roman beamed at their Advisor.

“Now that you are both here,” he repeated, blatantly ignoring Roman’s comment. Virgil and Patton took their seats on another one of the couches with their eyes on him, and if Roman was not being watched, he would have made it a point to show them how tired he already was of this ordeal by rolling his eyes. “It is time that we, once again, go over what is expected of you two tonight.” Roman wanted to groan dramatically but, fortunately, kept that outburst repressed. “While it is poignant that everyone is on their best behavior, it is pivotal that you two-”

Roman quickly began to tune out the etiquette lecture that he had been receiving since he was five. He, instead, let his thoughts drift to the man sitting next to him. Yes, it was going to be awful having to not pay all of his attention to Logan. It was going to be a pain to have to sit and smile in front of a large group of judging adults, forcing conversation and a smile. It going to be abhorrent sitting next to Logan as he put all of his attention into another girl. However, it was only for a night, and most likely nothing would come of it, and it would be fine.

Roman decided halfway through the dinner that the night felt like it was taking a thousand years and that, no, it was not fine.

The first red flag that made Roman think that the night would quickly go to Hell is that both of the women were gorgeous. Roman might not be attracted to women, but he still had eyes to see what was in front of him, and he still had ears to hear someone comment that “Lady Adelaide would be such a pretty edition to your family, Your Majesty”.

The second was that, early on in the dinner, it was discovered that Logan and Lady Victoria’s eldest brother attended the same academy and university, and they got along very well. “Your brother Robert is a good man,” Logan had said, which made the jealousy Roman was feeling already flare up for a completely different reason.

The third was that Logan and Lady Victoria enjoyed the same books because of course they did. Logan, despite his previous discontent with their whole situation, seemed very invested in his conversation with Lady Victoria. Which is good. He was supposed to be invested because it was polite and what he was supposed to be doing, but Roman was also having a terrible time witnessing it.

The fourth was that Roman was on his third glass of wine to dull the pain of the first three red flags, and the dinner was not even close to being over.

Roman was on the path to being very bitter, very intoxicated, and probably crying later in his bedroom. But it was fine. It was only a single night. It was fine.

“Prince Roman?” A voice said next to him and he suddenly remembered that he, too, was supposed to be talking with the Lady to his left and not thinking about the man to his right.

“Pardon?” Roman said, turning back to Lady Adelaide.

If Roman was being honest, he pitied himself, yes, but he also pitied Adelaide. Like him, she was the eldest in her family with younger brothers to look after. She, too, was expected to marry soon, except not because she had a title to take over, but because she had none. Her father had made it so that his second eldest child, and his eldest son, was to inherit their family’s estate. Adelaide was in a similar situation to his own; dining with noble families, along with the royal one, in hopes of finding a new title to take.

Roman did not want to marry her, and he did not wish to be stuck in a marriage that was made purely out of titles and fortunes, not love. He was not heartless; she truly was very kind and he knew that she deserved better than a marriage to him.

Adelaide laughed, finding Roman’s absent minded state more endearing than not. “I said that it has been quite some time since I have last been here,” she said. “I think you were just fifteen.”

Roman thought back for a moment and suddenly remembered the event she was talking about. The castle had thrown a ball for a reason Roman could not remember. It had been almost a year since Logan had left to go to the academy, but Roman was still mourning the departure of his friend. Logan had been the one to stick by Roman at the tiresome parties, and Roman was left to fend on his own. He remembered that he and Adelaide barely talked, and that he had been distracted by others the whole night.

Before Roman even got the chance to respond, Lord Kirkland, who Roman did not even know was listening, decided to speak up, “Oh, Adelaide, that is right!” He then turned to Roman’s father and Roman had to hold back the eye roll. “Quite funny, is it not, that these two have been brought back together, Your Majesty?”

Not funny at all, Roman thought as he drank the remainder of his wine. Considering you were one of the people who planned this. A servant came around and refilled Roman’s glass.

“I believe it is,” the King said with a smile. “We should count ourselves lucky that you heeded to our invitation. It is an honor to reunite our families.”

Reunite, Roman thought with an internal eye roll. If I remember correctly, we have never been extremely close with the Kirklands. He flicked his eyes to Logan in hopes of sharing an exasperated look, but Logan was currently speaking with Lord and Lady Herington.

He repressed a sigh with a sip from his glass.

“Oh, believe us, we are the lucky ones,” Lord Kirkland said, gesturing to himself and his wife next to him. “We were just wondering what had become of your eldest when we received the invitation to join you and your son for dinner.” Roman noted that the Lord bluntly ignored the King’s other two sons. Lord Kirkland then turned to Roman and grinned. “We must thank you, too, Prince Roman, for meeting with us and our daughter. I was starting to worry that, with all the possible suitors you must get, that Adelaide here would have no chance of meeting with you.”

“Actually,” Roman said, setting his wine glass down. He felt warm and sluggish from the alcohol but he was able to keep his words straight. “I really have not been looking for any suitors. I find myself rather… occupied with other hobbies.”

The look his father sent him could have incinerated him on the spot, but Roman kept his eyes on the Lord sitting across from him, who grinned. “It is always so charming to see an independent man invested in his responsibilities,” Lord Kirkland said. “I am sure that with all the training I assume that you are doing and all your meetings, you might see that it is time to consider settling down, no? Besides, it is good to have a strong familial backing when being crowned our next Regent, as I expect you hope to be someday.”

“Perhaps, but I do not believe that that has to be the case,” Roman said. He was now aware that all eyes were on him, and that he should be wary of what he was to say next. However, It was the first time that he could speak the truth without being afraid, most likely due to the alcohol, so Roman ignored the panicked looks he was getting from his brothers at the end of the table and continued, “I do not see why I have to look to be married so soon. I am only twenty-two, I still have a long life ahead of me. I see no point in confining myself to an arranged marriage now when there is still so much of life to live and people to meet who I am not forced to be with, and who are not forced to be with me.

“I do not think that marriage has to be this huge ordeal where two people are forced to be together because of titles and fortunes to offer. Really, I think it is rather detrimental. Why should I -or anyone- have to be with someone who I barely know, especially when I am only just a few years into adulthood, and still have many years in front of me? It makes quite little sense, especially when I do not even want it-”

“That is enough, Roman,” his father’s stern voice snapped Roman out of his rant and his eyes flicked to his father across the table. Roman realized that his father was livid. “I believe that is an outburst you only say if you have really thought about it and are prepared to face the consequences for what you say.”

“Oh, I have thought about this,” Roman said. He saw no point in turning back now. “And I am prepared to face whatever you have. It cannot be much worse than previous times.” He paused as his words washed over everyone else. With a nod, he then stood, rather unstable. He was lucky to have the arms of the chair to push himself up on. “I believe that now should be the time when I excuse myself.”

With that, Roman ignored all the eyes on him, jaws dropped to the floor, and managed to walk out without too much stumbling.

In his bedroom, watching the clock, Roman noticed that it took less than five minutes for his father to come after him. He had not knocked and, instead, shoved open Roman’s doors so hard, Roman thought they might break off the hinges.

Roman, who was slouched in one of his chairs, raised an eyebrow at his father.

“Get up,” his father growled. Roman hesitated. “Now, Roman.”

Roman pushed himself up, using the chair for balance. When he was finally upright, albeit swaying, his father shook his head in disgust at what he saw.

“I thought the instructions I gave you were very clear, Roman,” his father said. His voice was low and quiet despite his anger and it sent chills down Roman’s spine. “You were to treat this seriously. You were, for once, to think about someone other than yourself and understand that this is what you must do if you wish to take my place.”

Roman barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Think of anyone but myself?” he questioned. “How about you look at yourself first, father? You are doing this for yourself. This- this arranged marriage bullshit is so that you can feel better about your son! This is all so that you can show people that you did not, in fact, fail as a father because, look, Prince Roman took a pretty wife so let us just ignore his unhappiness! Let us just ignore how for twenty-two fucking years he was berated and ignored and criticized by his father!”

“I was preparing you for your responsibilities, Roman,” his father snapped. “I was showing you that what you want does not matter when you have responsibilities to adhere to. Complain all you wish to about the unfair life that I have, apparently, been giving you, but do not act like you do not deserve any of this. For years you have gone out of your way to defy me, you have humiliated me in front of esteemed guests, and you have made me realize that someone in this room failed as a person, but it is not me.”

Roman shook his head, his lip curling. “Yes, such a shame to have a son who you cannot contain! What a tragedy, having a son who cannot find pleasure in the women thrown at him! How terrible it is to have a son who wishes to do as he pleases and not listen to the beck and call of his emotionally distant father! It is a wonder why he never listens to you! You have obviously shown yourself to be the epitome of a perfect parent, especially after your wife died!”

The room fell deathly silent and Roman swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. His father shook his head and sighed deeply.

“If only your mother could see who you have become,” his father said. “I doubt she would be able to recognize you.”

Roman broke at that, a sob breaking out of his lips as tears began to run down his cheeks. He clasped his hand over his mouth to dull the sound, and his father did not look back as he turned around and walked out.

The door echoed as it slammed behind him.

Roman wondered if a person could ever cry themselves dry.

The hours passed later into the night and it seemed that Roman was constantly switching from numbness to weeping. His drunken state had transitioned from a warm, blurred feeling to a pounding headache and the awareness that everything was currently too much.

Roman was lying on his bed, his eyes trained on the ceiling, in a current state of numbness. If he was correct, their guests just left, and now the barrier between the household and the Roman was gone.

As if on cue, like there was a sign directing everyone to Roman’s room, there was a soft knock on his door.

“Go away,” Roman said. He winced at how hoarse and broken his voice sounded.

“Roman, it is Logan,” Logan said on the other side of the door. Once again, tears sprung to his eyes and he pressed the palms of his hands to them in hopes to hold back the tears.

Roman shied away as his door was pushed open, rolling onto his side and curling into himself. Logan was the last person he wanted to see him like this, but he could not bring himself to push him away. As the tears fell, his attempt to push them back failing, he pressed one hand to his mouth in a hope to suppress the sob that escaped his lips. It barely did, and ended up just letting a choked, pitiful sound escape.

“Oh, Roman,” he heard Logan say softly behind him as the doors closed. The bed dipped behind him and, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Logan sitting behind him.

Roman shook his head, curling further in on himself. Logan then gently ran his hand down Roman’s shoulder and back.

“Roman, can you sit up for me?”

“I do not want you to see me like this,” Roman said quietly, his voice thick with tears and hurt.

Logan sighed. “Roman, this does not bother me,” he said. “I just want to talk to you, help you.”

Roman hesitated, thinking over Logan’s words. It did not seem like Logan came to his room to judge him, and what he said appeared genuine. Finally, slowly, Roman pushed up so that he was sitting. His head pounded from being drunk and crying, and the movement did nothing to help him. Roman sat, cross legged, in front of Logan, staring down at his hands.

Logan then placed his own hands out to Roman. Roman snapped his head up, searching Logan’s face. He looked for the scrutiny, for the joke, for the waiting for Roman to take his hands only for Logan to run from him.

All he received, though, was a small smile and an encouraging nod.

Roman, worrying his bottom lip, placed his own hands in Logan’s. Logan gently squeezed them and Roman relished in the softness of his companion.

“You have finally seen how unstable the heir to the throne is,” Roman said weakly, his voice cracking on the last syllable.

Logan shook his head. “Not at all,” he said quietly. “In all honesty, Roman, I admire your honesty. I… it might have been difficult to say what you did, but I never would have even been able to think about saying what I wanted to me parents.”

Roman laughed bitterly and shook his head. He averted his eyes as more tears spilled out. “It was not worth it,” he said. “I feel mortified, I think I insulted our guests, and my father hates me for it. He-” Roman’s breath caught again and he had to force his next words out. “He said that my mother would be disappointed.”

“Oh, Roman,” Logan said, frowning. “You know that that is not true.”

“How do I know?” Roman asked, fire burning in his tone. “She is not here to say that she is proud of me.”

“She is not here to say that she is disappointed, either,” Logan pointed out calmly and Roman’s aggravation died as quickly as it started.

Roman sighed and looked down. “I feel like I am destined to ruin myself every opportunity I get.”

“I feel like you are trying to let yourself live the life you want in a household that says otherwise,” Logan said. “It is incredibly brave of you.”

“Brave?” Roman scoffed. “I just told one of my possible suitors and her family that I see no point in marrying someone who I do not want.”

“Lady Adelaide is not offended,” Logan said. Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “Lady Victoria was telling me that there is a noble boy she is in love with. Her parents adore him but had high hopes for a royal marriage.” Logan then offered a small smile. “If it makes you feel any better, now she will get to marry who she wants.”

Roman could not help but give a weak smile back. “Silver lining,” he murmured.

An idea sprung to his mind and the thought made him look away from Logan. Roman had already said so many things throughout the night that have had their consequences. He could say one more thing, and it would further determine whether or not he was destined to have his heart further broken by Logan.

Roman pulled his hands away and Logan allowed it. He trained his eyes on his hands, fidgeting as he waited to find his words. Logan said nothing, patiently waiting on Roman’s terms. “I have to tell you something,” Roman finally said quietly, tilting his eyes up to Logan.

“You can tell me anything, Roman,” Logan encouraged.

“I…” Roman worried his bottom lip, looking anywhere but at Logan no matter how hard he tried. “I do not want to take a wife. I never did. And… and not because I just did not want to marry. If I had the opportunity, I would marry in an instant, but… not to a woman.”

“Oh,” Logan said and Roman’s heart dropped into his stomach. This was it. This was when Logan got up and left, simultaneously laughing and horrified at him. This was when he alerted his parents that they must leave immediately and leave Roman alone and drunk and heartbroken and- “I am the same way.”

Roman’s mind short-circuited. “Pardon?” he asked stupidly.

“I feel the same way you do,” Logan said.

Roman blinked. “But- But you were talking to Lady Victoria so much about those books-”

Logan laughed and raised an eyebrow. “So talking books means that we are destined to be married?” he questioned and Roman blushed. “Besides, I was much more attracted to her brother in the academy than I could be to her.”

“Oh,” Roman said quietly. He had wondered what it would be like to find out that Logan felt the same way he did, and was curious if it would hurt more because he and Logan could not be together, then. However, Roman found that this scenario hurt much more. His heart soared knowing that Logan was like him, but now Roman knew that there was no way Logan would be attracted to him after this display. Whether Logan found it brave or not was no matter; Logan was calm and collected, and most likely preferred a man who did not cause scenes at dinner parties.

“Yes, perhaps oh,” Logan said. “But I think that this should be a subject that we talk further about tomorrow when you are sober. Is there anything else that you need help with, anything that you need?”

For you to reciprocate what I feel for you. “I am okay,” Roman said instead. “Thank you, Logan. I genuinely appreciate this.”

“You know I am always here for you, Roman,” Logan smiled as he stood up from the bed. Logan began to walk out but stopped in the doorway and turned back, “Rest well, Roman. We will talk tomorrow.”

“Rest well, Logan,” Roman said, his brain feeling as if it was working on its own. “I… I will see you then.”

Logan smiled and gave Roman a small wave goodbye before letting the door close behind him.

Roman blinked at the now closed door before falling back onto his bed.

Roman would like to ask the universe why it decided to give him a best friend who was also attracted to men but who would never be attracted to him. He thought it was a very cruel joke to play.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logince #roman sanders #logan sanders #stuff i write

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ralfstrashcan · 7 years ago

Text

I call bs on that Downworlders-appealing-not-serious-Statement from Izzy in 3x06

Here's why.

Warning: Contains extended talk about how sex is referenced on the Show, so probably nsfw? But nothing graphic.

“I think the reason why I find Downworlders appealing is because those issues prevent things from ever getting too serious.”

Without context this statement can be interpreted two ways:

1) She is secretly scared of a committed and serious relationship and so just dates Downworlders so she doesn't have to worry about things getting to intense.

2) She isn't interested in a committed and serious relationship and Downworlders are the easiest way to have some kind of relation where both parties are aware that it's not going to go anywhere serious, so she doesn't have to deal with the fact that her partner gets overly invested which would lead to complications and possibly hurt feelings.

I honestly don't believe it's 1) because Izzy isn't the person to get scared of anything that affects her herself (meaning she'd of course be scared of her siblings dying a horrible death, etc.) She is incredibly courageous and one of the strongest characters on the Show, she is brimming with self-confidence and in contrast to Jace's it's 100% genuine and not to cover up some complex and twisted self-esteem and self-image issues. She is passionate, in fact her passion is probably her most defining character trait. So to think that she's scared of a committed relationship is just odd. Also, taking her relationship with Meliorn into account, it was clearly not going anywhere serious, but she obviously cared for him (and he cared for her) so if she was scared of any kind of commitment and her goal was to avoid getting feelings involved and eventually hurt (which is exactly what happened in S1), that wasn't a success, and she must have known that even before it all fell apart. Did she seem overly concerned during her affair with Meliorn, angsting over her attachment to him? No.

Whether you go with option 1) or 2), they both imply that Downworlders are the easiest (if not the only) source to access casual relationships / hook ups. And that's simply not true.

Let's take a look at the Shadowhunters' sex life. There's not overly much to go on, but there is enough.

- Alec: Zero sex life before Magnus, though that has probably to do with him not being outed and homosexuality being extremely frowned upon, so he's not really representative. He does check out Jace and some other Shadowhunter Dude in 1x12 though, so there's that.

- Jace: We see Jace rolling around in bed with Kaelie once and out on a date / friendly evening with four Seelies (both in 2x07). Besides that he states in 3x02 that he's been with tons of people (and it was never serious). So, a promiscuous Shadowhunter with loads of no strings attached sex.

- Lydia: Lydia's been engaged to John, and after he tragically died (RIP John, I so ship you with Lydia in any and all AUs) she decided that “in this line of work, the only thing worth falling in love with is the work itself” as she tells Alec in 1x08. There's nothing known about her sex life, but she was willing to marry Alec, knowing that nothing would ever happen between them, so she was either expecting him to be fine with her having an affair on the side or she was okay with the prospect of never (again?) having sex in her life. Of course she was probably still mourning her love and also she's incredibly ambitious and wanted that Institute no matter what, so I think the fact that she didn't prioritize sex in her life plan doesn't necessarily mean she's generally not that interested in having sex or that the society she lives in would condemn a sexually active person.

- Raj: Yeah, it pains me to even think about that, too. Whatever, for Science! In 2x04 he mentioned (talking about a corpse with its heart torn out, srsly, that guy) “I thought I was having a rough weekend. [...] I'm just saying, I've been in his shoes before. Except my demon's name was Kathy.” so he clearly had some relation with that Kathy person that ended in a broken heart (or bruised pride) for him. Also, considering that Raj is pretty racist towards Downworlders and dating Mundanes is forbidden I think it's pretty likely that Kathy is a Shadowhunter as well. In 2x08, which doesn't take place too terribly long after 2x04 he claimed to have been “this close to lining up a three way.” Disregarding the fact that I find it hard to believe he'd find one person willing to get with him, let alone two (sorry, I just hate him and his douche-y attitude and I can't imagine you wouldn't notice those after 3 seconds of talking to him and would be instantly turned off) wasn't that at Max's Rune Ceremony Party? Where there were exclusively Shadowhunters invited, hosting warlock excluded? So this indicates that a) after a short amount of time after a failed relationship / whatever he was open for a sexual adventure and b) Shadowhunters participate in threesomes, something that you probably wouldn't easily and openly mention in a reticent society.

- HELL EVEN ALDERTREE admitted to having dated a Downworlder and was also hitting on Izzy, which, considering she's younger than him and his subordinate should be frowned upon in an uptight society.

- Aline: In 2x15 it is mentioned that she was secretly seeing a girl named Carolyn and since they were in Alicante this Carolyn is most likely a fellow Shadowhunter. Also since that relationship is talked about in past tense it has probably ended. So she has a dating life.

- And then there's Izzy herself, of course. On-Screen she's only ever been in a relationship with Meliorn, but in 1x06 Maryse declines her offer to marry in Alec's place, saying “You can't do this. You and your Downworlders have seen to that.” referring to the tons of affairs with Downworlders Izzy has had. Not to mention Izzy's comment about jewels in 1x04. There's also the fact that she openly hit on Simon in 1x02 and when Alec rolled his eyes she commented “It passes the time.” Whether she meant flirting or the resulting possible hook up is anyone's guess, but I don't think I'm seeing things when I say it could very well be both... considering she and Alec both talked about Simon as 'it' in that scene (which, rude). So long story short, Izzy too has an active sex life.

Of course dating and casual hook ups isn't the same, but. Since of all known Shadowhunters there are apparently several with an active sex drive and associating with Downworlders is pretty frowned upon, associating with Mundanes is absolutely unacceptable because they can't know about the Shadow World and at least dating is apparently no problem between Shadowhunters, I find it pretty reasonable to assume that hook ups between Shadowhunters are fine as well.

(Taking into account that “Nephilim love once, fiercely” it would make it even more logical that everything that's not True Love is casual, thus making it even more plausible that not-serious relationships between Shadowhunters aren't uncommon. I'm personally not a fan of that line (see here somewhere at the end if you're interested) but the line is canon and therefore deserves consideration.)

Conclusion: Downworlders aren't the only source for casual hook ups.

This, of course, brings up the question why Izzy would choose to hook up with Downworlders at all if she could bed other Shadowhunters just as easily, without commitment being an issue, especially because associating with Downworlders kinda ruins your reputation. When Maryse explains in 1x06 why Izzy can't take over marrying for Alec she says “You can't do this. You and your Downworlders have seen to that. You can't possibly attract the caliber of husband who could help us restore the honor to our family name.”

Of course Izzy is rebellious and doesn't care what other people think of her, but she's not stupid. She knows that falling out of favor with the Clave can have serious consequences and upholding the Lightwood Image is important, a calculated move, a leverage, an insurance. So why would she do it anyway, if it's not out of necessity?

Because it's political. She is very pro-Downworlder from the start, she's interested in their ways of life (that butterfly thing in 1x05) and she's against the narrow-minded, racist ways most Shadowhunters display. This explains why she is simultaneously more interested in Downworlders and less interested in Shadowhunters.

To claim that Izzy just dates Downworlders because it's easier (or because she's scared, which, again, pffffff) takes that whole political and revolutionary aim out of her character and that's just reducing this action to something self-oriented instead of something she does with the awareness that it sends a certain signal to Shadowhunters of her and the older generation. It's really not called for, contradicts canon in my eyes or at least doesn't really make sense, and I really don't like it.

Also, just something to think about while we're talking about Izzy's sex life, more specifically all her alleged Downworlder Conquests.

- Vampires: The fact that she asked Raphael in 2x10 if being a Vampire has made him uninterested in sex implies that she doesn't know being a Vampire doesn't necessarily equal no interest in sex, so she probably never hooked up with a vampire.

- Warlocks: Remember that flashback from 2x18 when Magnus said he'd loose all his street cred if his people found out he “let a Shadowhunter spend the night”? And we're talking about spending the night at his home, not sleeping together. Makes it sound as if Warlocks kinda hate Shadowhunters and want nothing to do with them. So it's probably not Warlocks either.

- Werewolves: Before Luke became the Alpha I got some seriously Anti-Shadowhunter-Vibes from the pack as well (still do, honestly, but because of Luke the pack mostly behaves) so I find it hard to imagine any of those wolves would be willing to hook up with a Shadowhunter. Then again, Maia hooked up with Jace and she doesn't really like him. Then again, this could be a Maia-thing.

- Seelies: Can we talk about the fact that Seelies are like the Sex Tourists of the Downworld? They seem to only leave the Seelie Realm to get their mack on. Anyway, I clearly remember that one Scene in 1x03 where this dialogue happens

Alec: Downwolders are slaves to their impulses.

which, to me at least, implies that Izzy first and foremost mingles with Seelies. This dialogue could of course be because she was with Meliorn at the time, but consider that while Alec had to marry, Izzy was declared the one and only Shadowhunter with “ties to the Seelies” who could possibly convince the Clave that the Seelies aren't on Valentine's side. If Meliorn was just the latest of her flings who happened to be a Seelie I don't think that would make a good enough argument with the Clave; also why wasn't Jace also considered a Shadowhunter with ties to the Seelies? Because I don't believe that Kaelie was the first ever Seelie Jace has been with.

- Mundanes: First off, Mundanes aren't Downworlders, so there is that. Secondly I honestly doubt she has a dating / sex / whatever history with Mundanes because the way she says “Shadowhunters don't date Mundanes” in 3x04 sounds to me as if Charlie is the first Mundane she interacted with. It makes sense, because Mundanes aren't allowed to know about the Shadow World. (Simon in 1x02 was an exception because he was already involved in Shadow World business.)

Of course talking about “Seelies” or “Seelies and the occasional Werewolf” instead of “Downworlders” in that Scene mentioned at the beginning doesn't have the same nice ring to it, so I get why it was scripted that way. Still. Ugh.

#shadowhunters #3x06 #isabelle lightwood #5 cents on canon #or more like #50000

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cammotea · 4 years ago

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How to Avoid Being Manipulated

Weare all capable of influencing each other in a variety of ways– both good and bad. Social influence is a powerful tool.

We can influence each other in positive ways, like when someone reminds you to drink water at a concert or to take a deep breath when you’re feeling overwhelmed. We can also influence each other in negative ways, like when your spouse tells you that you’ll never get that promotion you’re after or when your smoker buddy offers you a cigarette when they know that you’ve just quit.

In my opinion, the worst kind of social influence is when people try to change the perceptions of others in order to intentionally cause harm or to give themselves an advantage. This kind of social influence is called psychological manipulation. Whether we realize it or not, everyone manipulates occasionally– but some people will make a serious habit of it. Understanding what manipulation is, why people do it, and how it works can help you avoid it.

What is psychological manipulation?

Psychological manipulation is when someone deceives someone else, often at the other person’s expense, in order to advance their own agenda or harm the other person.

Psychology author George K. Simon says that successful psychological manipulation generally involves these three things:

Concealing aggressive intentions and behaviors and being affable.

Knowing the psychological vulnerabilities of the victim to determine which tactics are likely to be the most effective.

Having a sufficient level of ruthlessness to have no qualms about causing harm to the victim if necessary.

Having bad intentions, exploiting vulnerabilities, and not caring about the harm caused are the hallmarks of psychological manipulation. Not everyone manipulates on purpose, and some people do care about the harm they’ve caused by having been manipulative.

Why do people manipulate?

Manipulators manipulate for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes, manipulators are just trying to achieve their own goals, and don’t care who they hurt. Some manipulators are addicted to the need to feel powerful or in control. Some manipulators have issues with impulse control, and some do it because it’s a coping mechanism that they learned in order to survive difficult things.

Manipulators may suffer from a personality disorder, such as antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, or histrionic personality disorders. Some social psychologists also use the word “Machiavellianism” to refer to people who are prone to manipulate and indifferent to conventional ideas about morality. In the 1960s, social psychologists Florence L. Geis and Richard Christie and developed the MACH-IV, a test for Machiavellian traits.

Not everyone who manipulates has a personality disorder, and not everyone with a personality disorder is necessarily going to manipulate, but the two often go hand in hand. Sometimes, behavior can look like manipulation when it’s really a symptom of some other kind of problem, such as in people with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia.

What kind of vulnerabilities are exploited by manipulators?

In order to avoid psychological manipulation, it’s good to understand what traits in ourselves can be exploited by others.

Clinical and social psychologist Harriet B. Braiker identified low-self reliance, an unclear sense of identity, soft boundaries, the need to please others, and the desire for approval as characteristics that are often exploited by manipulative people. If you aren’t sure who you are, feel bad about yourself, or try too hard to meet the needs of others, you might be more vulnerable to manipulation.

Martin Kantor, who writes about ASPD, says that those who are immature or naïve may be more vulnerable to being manipulated, as may those who are feeling lonely. If you’re young, inexperienced, or by yourself, you might be a good target for manipulators. Kantor also suggests that those who are overly trusting or altruistic may end up trusting and helping manipulators. If you want to help people and try hard to see the good in others, these traits could work against you when dealing with manipulators.

Kantor also describes how some people with negative or volatile traits will also be more susceptible to manipulation, such as those who are greedy, careless, materialistic, impulsive, narcissistic, or cheap. If you’re blinded by greed, conceit, or rashness, you might be unable to see how you are being manipulated.

In addition to all of these, George Simon identified two other traits exploited by manipulators that are seldom mentioned, yet important to mention. These are over-conscientiousness and over-intellectualization. If you’re a person who tends to overthink things or wants to look at all sides of an issue for fairness, you might be more susceptible to being manipulated.

How do manipulators manipulate?

There are many different ways to manipulate someone. Manipulators may use just one, a few, or all of these tactics.

Lying, denying, and omitting

Manipulators have a bad relationship with the truth. They will lie, cheat, or withhold certain parts of the truth in order to make themselves look better or avoid responsibility. They will refuse to admit when they’ve done something wrong.

“I didn’t do it!”

“That didn’t happen.”

[Silence]

Minimizing and rationalizing

Manipulators will try to make their bad behavior seem like it’s not as bad as it is, or treat you like your suffering is not real. Sometimes, they will make excuses for their behavior, or spin the situation to their advantage.

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“It was just a joke!”

“You deserved it.”

Diversion, evasion, and selective attention

Sometimes, manipulators will avoid giving straight answers to questions or change the subject when discussing their manipulative behaviors. They will often pretend to be confused, or act surprised when confronted with their own misdeeds. Sometimes they will give responses that are vague, rambling, or otherwise irrelevant to confuse or distract the person they are talking to. They may choose to pay a great deal of attention to whatever supports their agenda or refuse to listen to anything which does not support it.

“What about the time when you…?”

“I refuse to talk about that.”

“Look outside, it’s bigfoot!”

Shaming and guilt-tripping

Abusive people keep control of those they manipulate by making them feel bad about themselves. Manipulators will insult their victims or use sarcasm maliciously. They will say things to break down the self-esteem of their victims in order to make them doubt themselves. Manipulators will play on the conscience of a conscientious person, accusing them of not caring enough or being too selfish. This is all aimed at making victims feel anxious, inadequate, and in need of guidance or approval.

“Your nose is kind of big for your face, but don’t worry, I like it.”

“You don’t care about me unless you do X.”

“You owe me.”

Positive and negative reinforcement

The manipulator will reward behavior that supports their manipulation and punish behavior which challenges it. They may use seduction, charm, and flattery in order to get their victims to trust them. They may cry “crocodile tears,” expressing superficial sympathy, or pretend to care about the past traumas or current problems of their victim.

Manipulators will reward people who are obedient to their will and punish people who are defiant. Rewards may include attention, praise, gifts, money, and approval. Punishments may include violence, threats, intimidation, yelling, sulking, or silent treatment. These punishments and rewards condition the victim in an almost Pavlovian way to bend to the will of the manipulator.

“See what happens when you do X?”

“As long as you do X, nothing bad will happen to you.”

“You’d better do X, or else I’ll do Y.”

Playing the victim and projecting blame

Sometimes manipulators will engage in role-reversal, painting their victims as the abusive ones in order to make themselves look like the victim. Sometimes the manipulator will blame someone else for the consequences of their manipulative behavior, or say someone else “drove them” to their bad behavior.

“They’re lying to make me look bad; they are the real abuser.”

“It’s your fault.”

“You made me do this.”

Anger and intimidation

The manipulator will become loud, angry, and threatening in order to scare the victim into complying or to distract from their manipulation tactics. They may engage in blackmail, like threatening to reveal private things about the victim or threatening to hurt the victim if the victim reveals what the manipulator is doing.

“SHUT UP!”

“I’ll tell your boss/spouse/friends/family.”

“I’ll sue you.”

Stay alert

Psychological manipulation can have all sorts of nasty consequences. At best, you might feel hurt or embarrassed because you were manipulated. At worst, you might feel like your life has been ruined.

You might lose time, money, or opportunities due to being manipulated. If you were manipulated in a terrible way, for a long period of time, or if the manipulation had bad consequences, you may suffer trauma from having been manipulated. This might cause long-term mental health issues and make it difficult to trust people in the future.

There’s nothing wrong with an optimistic outlook when it comes to people and their intentions, but make sure to temper your trust with a little bit of healthy skepticism. You’ll thank yourself later.

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