#and 5 is for a certain anniversary that's coming up next week

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

[ggyweek2024]

GGY Fanweek 2024

Hello Gregory/GGY fans!! March 7th is coming up next month, aka the original release date of the TFTP book GGY, and it will be its FIRST anniversary!!

to celebrate, I (@puhpandas) am hosting a GGY Fanweek! Heres some more info below:

The week will take place from March 1st to March 7th

This prompt list above has two word prompts, and an AU prompt for each day in the week. there are not three prompts each day unless you want there to be, theres just multiple options!

for each prompt, you can use your art medium to create something centered around that prompt. the usual is art/fanfiction, but other mediums are welcome!

each prompt is very widespread and can be anything you want it to be. its up to you to come up with something cool! All characters other than GGY are welcome. The only must have for each prompt is that it includes GGY somehow. whether it be past, present or future.

dont be a freak. no NSFW allowed along with the usual weird stuff. it will not be reblogged on this account and shared if so. if your work includes anything extreme like gore or certain phobias, please tag accordingly!

This prompt list was released as early as it was to give every participant enough time to preemptively create for each day.

All 7 days are NOT required to participate. you could only create for 1 day and it'd be just fine. this is for fun!

when each day arrives, post your work on tumblr and tag this account and tag #ggy fanweek 2024. its totally allowed to share your work elsewhere as well!

You are not to post your work until the week arrives, and you only post your work on its respective day. (example: day 5's prompt only when it is day 5 of the week)

Each work will be reblogged on this account so it will all be in one place! like an archive

when the week arrives and you post your work, PLEASE tag this account! i need to be tagged so i can reblog your work here!

For any fic writers, if you post your work on ao3 (not required), it would be awesome if you added your fic to the GGY Fanweek ao3 collection

Have fun!! this entire event is all just to have a good time, so please no stress! create whatever you want to in your own time, no matter how much or little. this is to celebrate GGY/Gregory, so let all your passion loose here!!

edit since ive seen some people confused about the AU prompts: the AU prompts are not for an already existing/established AU by me or someone else. its a 3rd option if the word prompts dont interest you, but im also just giving you a scenario to place the characters of your liking into. even if youve never seen an example of the AUs before, theyre pretty self explanatory in their names!

another edit: for archive reasons, I'll be tagging every reblog of every week contribution with tags that apply. for example, I'll be tagging which day the post is for and which prompt they chose. I'll also be tagging every character involved in the work.

so if you ever want to navigate the blog and find works for a specific day or prompt, this is how! in the search bar type a characters name and it should show you everything applying to them! this also works for specific days and prompts!

[so-much-for-stardust6]

I Will Never Forget You- Graham Coxon

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summary: it’s the last day before graham goes on tour so you spend the day together.

lowercase intended

warnings: none

a/n: this feels so rushed and quick and i kinda hate it but 😭😭

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today was the day i dreaded, the last day before graham leaves for tour. it’s his band’s tour and the thought of him being gone for so long leaves a hollow pain in my chest. i want to stay inside and sulk all day but graham and i have plans. we were going out around town and just do whatever we see. i get up and saunter around my room, grabbing my clothes and putting them on. i knew i couldn’t be in a grumpy mood when hanging out with graham, so i grabbed the picture book he gave me for our 2 year anniversary and flipped through the pages. i smile at the memories, remembering each one so clearly. my eyes land on a certain photo, our prom photo. he stood there in his light blue suit, matching my blue dress of course, awkwardly side hugging me. i wore a bright smile on my face, so happy that he was my prom date.

it was our first prom together, our first date you would say. he was pushed by his friends to finally ask me to prom, a week before the dance. he was a nervous wreck, very prominently showing in the picture. i giggle at the memory of the rest of the night, slow dancing and breaking him out his shell. my eyes then look at the next picture, a picture i took of him. he was smiling with his teeth, sitting on a picnic blanket with all sorts of food sorted out in front of him. it was our 1 year anniversary and we decided to have a little picnic.

~flashback~

“come on, graham!” i laugh out, running up the hill.

“we’ve been searching for the perfect spot forever, love!” he groaned out.

“it’s only been 5 minutes, gra.”

“that’s 5 minutes too long.”

i finally reach the top of the hill, placing down the blanket i brought smoothly on the ground.

graham eventually reached me at the hill. he dropped the basket on the ground and flopped onto the blanket.

“this feels so good.” the sun shining softly onto his face.

“you’ll feel so good in a second, love.” i say, rubbing his arm.

“oh yeah? what’d you have in mind.” he smirks.

“i’m talking about eating, graham!” i exclaim at his dirty mind.

“yeah, yeah! that’s-that’s what i’m totally thinking about!”

i pull out all the foods i prepared, mostly sweet treats and such. graham dipped some strawberries into the homemade chocolate dip.

“you look so cute, dear! let me take a picture!” i squeal out, standing up with my camera.

“wait until i’m done chewing, love!” he mumbles out, hiding his face with his hand.

“say cheese!”

he gulps his food before smiling bright. i snap the pic, blushing at his beautiful face.

“you’re so pretty, my love.” i sit next to him.

“why thank you, baby.” he kisses my cheek.

“i really mean it, gra.” i start kissing all over his face.

my lipstick staining his soft skin. he starts to giggle, trying to get me off of him. once i was done attacking him in kisses, i pull out my camera once again to snap a pic.

~end of flashback~

i slightly jumped at the ring of a doorbell. i smile knowing it’s graham. i shut the book and place it back in my drawer. i grab my coat and rush downstairs, swinging the door open to see my lovely boyfriend. he was holding a bouquet of flowers, nervously shuffling as i looked at him.

“oh graham, these are absolutely lovely!” i grab them, sniffing them.

i motion him to follow me inside as i put them in a vase.

“i was thinking we would go to the shops, look around and possibly get some lunch out there.” he speaks up.

“i’d love that. anything with you is the best.” i go up to him, kissing his lips.

“you ready? let’s go.” i take his hand and lead us outside.

he drives towards the busy-ish streets as people walked with bags in their hands.

“let’s hit the record store first, i’ve been meaning to get my hands on a queen album.”

“anything for you.” he places his hand on my thigh, squeezing it gently.

after finding a parking spot and getting out, we walked into the record store. the smell was something i’d always love, having a special place in my heart. i walk towards the section where queen would be, looking for news of the world.

“do you see what you’re looking for, darling?”

“not at all, which is weird.”

“what album is it, i’ll help look.”

“news of the world.”

he nods his head and takes off to look for the album. i kept searching for 5 more minutes until graham approaches me, bag in hand.

“found it, love.” he smiles, handing me the bag.

“graham, i was gonna buy it. you didn’t need to pay.”

“today i get to spoil you, love.” he goes to hug me.

i accept his hug, taking in his warm scent.

“you hungry, dear?” i ask in a small whisper.

“mhm.” he nods.

“let’s go find something, my treat.”

“what did i say?”

“no no, i get to spoil you too.” i pull away from the hug, grabbing his hand to take him out the store.

we find this small and cozy lunch spot, not waiting long to get seated.

“what are you thinking of getting?” he asks, looking at the menu.

“hmm, maybe a burger. what about you?”

“i’m craving some soup. obviously your soup, but this can do.”

“i’ll make you some soup soon, love! whenever we go on our date.” i smile.

“oh, that’ll be a long time.”

my smile falls as i remember that he’s leaving tomorrow.

“hey, don’t be sad. i’ll call you whenever i can and i’ll send letters all the time.” he grabs my hands, rubbing them for reassurance.

“i know, i know but-i’ll miss you. i know it’s silly for me to be sad but i-i love you so much.” i say, voice cracking.

“please don’t cry, love. i’ll miss you so much too. you could always come with us, but i understand you have work.”

i nod and sniffle, wiping my eyes once i see the waitress heading our way. after lunch, we decided to catch a random movie to kill time.

~fast forwards to back home~

“do you wanna come inside?”

“yeah, of course.”

we make our way to my room, a place he’s very familiar with. we change into something more comfortable, sitting on my bed.

“so, i was looking at our photo album earlier. we should take photos more often, love.”

“we need to buy you a new camera first.” he chuckled.

“damon owes me one! dummy broke it while trying to ‘fix’ it.”

“i’ll remind him tomorrow. can you bring out the book?”

“it’s in my drawer, dear.”

he reaches over and pulls it out, smiling at the little pictures littered on the cover.

“oh god, this picture is horrible!” he points out the prom picture.

“no it’s not!”

“i’m gonna miss being around you.” he blurts out, voice quivering.

“oh gra, don’t cry.” i pull him close, resting his head on my shoulder.

“i might just stay back. i-i can’t go.” he mumbles.

“what? you’re crazy, graham. you’re going.”

“you want me to?”

“i’ll miss you like crazy but this is a dream for you. you’ll be playing music for so many people who love your music. i’m so proud of what you’ve done, so you have to go.” i kiss his nose.

“i have to get used to this, i’ll be touring lots more.” he pulls away, looking at me.

“do me one thing though.” he says.

“what’s that, baby?”

“please don’t forget me.”

his words break my heart, tears immediately welling up in my eyes.

“oh gra, i will NEVER forget you. i love you too much to ever forget you. i’ll always answer your calls and always write back. you’ll forever be in my heart and on my mind.”

he sadly smiles, going back to hug me.

“i will never forget you.” i whisper again.

[starlitangels]

Sorry (Isn’t Enough)

When James said “I’ve missed things I can never get back” in his little flashback audio, my genuine first thought was, “Oh. Oh homeboy has missed at least one anniversary. Hasn’t he?” and I wrote this from that. 2.5k words (almost exactly)

—

I stood in front of the mirror, biting my lip. “Too much?” I asked no one. The apartment was empty apart from me. It often was, and I’d taken up talking to myself, apparently.

I took in my outfit. The restaurant wasn’t overly formal. “It’s the shoes,” I decided. “Need more casual shoes.” I pushed my clothes closer to James’ mostly-empty half of the closet to free up where my shoe hanger was crammed in the back next to the wall. “Converse are too casual but I don’t need dress shoes… where are those damn boat shoes—they’re like right in the middle, right?” I kept muttering as I looked down each hanging square of shoe storage.

I hope he’s at least somewhat on time… what if traffic is bad? I thought. James’ job, contracting with the Department, paid very well, but it made his schedule unpredictable. His flight was supposed to land at 4:47, and our dinner reservation was at 5:30. He was fairly certain the Uber would get to the restaurant just in time to meet me there, but things happened at airports. Weather delays, traffic, random people causing a ruckus on a plane.

Stop it. He’ll be there. He promised not to miss our anniversary, I reassured myself, snatching my shoes out of the hanging storage when I finally found the right ones. The blue boat shoes, not the black. He made the Department promise.

I sat on the bed and took off the shoes I’d been wearing before. The nice thing about boat shoes was the lack of laces and buckles. I could just slide right into them.

As I was pulling my fingers out of the back of the first shoe I’d shoved my foot into, my phone starting ringing. I recognized the number—that I wasn’t allowed to save to my phone—of where James had been staying. I snatched my phone off the bed.

“Hey baby!” I greeted.

“Hi love,” James replied.

“Uh-oh. I know that tone. What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “The Department called me yesterday. The job hit a snag. It’s being delayed two more weeks. I won’t be home tonight.”

“But…” I swallowed the tears caught in my throat. “But it’s our anniversary. You—you’ve never missed an anniversary.”

“I know. I tried to tell the Department—but they didn’t listen. And it took them a whole day to give me clearance to even call you about it. I am so, so sorry, love.”

Sorry isn’t enough, I thought, knowing he was too far away to read my mind. I took a deep breath and released a long sigh. The kind that I drew out on purpose to count to ten and keep myself calm. James had known me since we were children. He’d recognize it. “I know you are.”

“Look, the reservation is for two people. Why don’t you call your sister and just take her to a nice dinner?”

“Yeah, yeah maybe,” I said with no real enthusiasm behind the words.

“Baby… I tried so hard to get everything done on time. It should have been finished yesterday if we hadn’t hit the snag as hard as we did. We just need time to fix it. If I had my way, I’d come home to you tonight and then fly back out. I don’t care that that’d put me on a plane for a solid twelve hours. It would be worth it to see you. But the Department won’t let me leave until it’s done.”

“I know you don’t have a choice.”

“I don’t—and I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, James,” I muttered.

I hung up without another word. I blinked, letting the tears welling up spill over and fall down my face. Lowering my phone, I went to the restaurant’s website and canceled the reservation. No point in calling my sister. It wouldn’t feel right.

I tossed my phone onto the bed and yanked the boat shoes off, shoving them unceremoniously back into the shoe hanger. My nice dinner outfit quickly followed, getting put back in the closet until I was standing in just my underthings. I threw back the covers of the bed and climbed in. Appetite gone. It would come back voraciously later, but for now the pit in my stomach hurt more than ached for food.

Curled up on my side, I let myself cry.

I’d been looking forward to dinner for our anniversary, sure. But more than that I’d been looking forward to seeing James again. His job took him away for weeks—sometimes months—at a time. I missed him. Constantly. I didn’t care how much the Department paid him when it meant I never got to see him. It was weird, growing up practically glued at the hip only to never see him as an adult. When we also shared a bed.

I don’t know how long I cried. I allowed myself to release the pent-up sadness, reaching for James’ side of the bed as though I could touch him. But, of course, nothing but the bedsheet met my hand.

I buried my face in his pillow. He’d been gone so long that there wasn’t a trace of his scent lingering on it anymore. That pine scent with a hint of musk that accompanied his aftershave. Nothing. Just the generic smell of laundry detergent. But I kept my head on the pillow anyway. It felt like when we were cuddling so close that he’d pull me off my own pillow and onto his.

Sobs shook my whole body until I had no tears left to cry. I had a headache from all the crying and my whole mouth felt thick with emotion.

It had been years since I cried myself to sleep, but I was too exhausted to get up when I ran out of tears. So my body crashed into unconsciousness with my mind following swiftly after.

I woke up the next morning with a growling stomach. Joints stiff from not moving. Some anniversary, I thought as I got up to go shower and get some breakfast.

—

Two Weeks Later…

—

“Love? I’m home,” James said tentatively as he slipped into the apartment.

Silence.

“Baby?” He set his suitcase next to the door and slid out of his shoes. Their apartment wasn’t large—a two-bedroom so he and his partner could share an office—but it wasn’t usually this dead silent.

No response.

James didn’t read his partner’s mind without permission. Not even to check if they were home.

Especially when he knew they were probably pissed at him.

He rushed to their bedroom and peered in. The bed was neatly made, and folded laundry sat on the covers. Theirs. He recognized the shirts and the color they chose for their towel set.

He leaned across the hall to the office. The door was shut, but it faced west so they usually kept it shut to keep out the light of the setting sun at bedtime.

He tested the knob. Not locked. He pushed the door open.

Empty.

The bathroom door was wide open and also empty, apart from toothbrushes in a mug and hair combs on the counter.

There was nowhere else in the apartment they could be.

James sighed and went back to where the kitchen and living room opened up into each other.

A little square of green on the off-white counter caught his eye.

He crossed over and saw the pad of sticky notes with a pen sitting beside it, recognizing his partner’s handwriting. @ my sister’s. Should be back by 7.

There was no signature. No heart doodled in the margins like they normally might have done.

Yeah. They were angry.

James couldn’t blame them. He’d missed their anniversary. They’d been together for years and he’d always managed to make it home for their anniversary.

He sighed and pushed a hand through his hair. The clock on the stove said it was 4:49. A little over two hours before they’d be home. How was he going to be patient for two hours? It wasn’t like he didn’t know where their sister lived. God knew he’d been over to her house for unempowered holidays plenty enough. But the be back by 7 was an obvious implication of don’t come over. I’ll see you when I'm good and ready.

He missed them. All he wanted was to hold them in his arms and kiss them silly. Carry them to bed and snuggle them close to him and… maybe other things, if they were up for it.

But he’d be damned if he disrespected their choice to stay away from him until they were ready.

He closed his eyes—they were tired, dry, and stung when closed—and leaned against the counter with the heels of his palms. They both knew it wasn’t his fault that he missed their anniversary. The Department had sprung the extension of the contract on him with barely any notice. But that didn’t mean his partner wasn’t hurt by it. They had every right to be. After getting their hopes up and having those hopes crash and burn mere minutes before they were probably planning on leaving the house, he’d be more surprised if they weren’t hurt.

Peeling his eyes open, he glanced at where his car keys were sitting in a woven wicker bowl on the trestle table next to the door.

An idea struck him.

Belated anniversary celebration, here I come, he thought, marching over to his keys.

—

“You’re welcome to stay here overnight, you know,” my sister said as she hugged me.

“I know. But I really should be getting home,” I replied. A bit more sullen than I meant to sound. “Thanks for hanging out with me today.”

“Of course. I’m sorry you and James are having a rough patch.”

“We’ll get through it. I hope. We always have before.”

She squeezed me tighter. “It’s gonna be okay. If you need anything, let me know.”

I nodded as I broke the hug and pulled my keys out of my pocket. “I will. Thank you. Love you.”

“Love you too.” She waved me off as I left her house and went to my car.

I waved and ducked into it, turning over the engine and putting on my seatbelt.

Blasting the radio did very little to drive out my thoughts. James would be home by the time I got back. He had to be. His flight landed at like 4:15 or something. Even the slowest Uber caught in traffic wouldn’t take that long to get from the Dahlia airport to our apartment. If he’d been flying into Orange County airport, LAX, or San Diego airport, maybe. But not Dahlia airport.

What was I going to say? I was still smarting from the pain of him missing dinner and telling me right beforehand. I knew it wasn’t his fault and he hadn’t had a choice. But it still stung. I’d missed him for two weeks longer than necessary and didn’t even know how I could say that through the anger.

I wanted to be nice because I missed him. But I also wanted to yell at him for even taking the damn job that was cutting it so close to our anniversary.

My thoughts spun in unhelpful spirals the whole drive home. Before I knew it, it was five minutes to seven and I was getting out of the car at our building. James’ car was in its usual stall next to where I parked.

I went up to our apartment and paused on the doorstep, staring down at our welcome mat past my keys in my hand. Did I knock or just go in?

I clenched my jaw. I wasn’t the one who’d done anything wrong. And he was probably hurting too but I wasn’t the one who missed our anniversary.

Shoving my key in the lock with more force than strictly necessary, I rammed the deadbolt back and pushed the door open.

“Oh—my God,” I said.

The living room was mostly dark, lit by a pair of tall taper candles in the brass candlesticks James’ mother had pawned off on us when she and James’ father had been purging their decorations. A bouquet of deep red roses sat in a vase between the tapers.

An elaborate dinner was spread out, plates already dished up, set for two. With the tablecloth we only ever really used for the MoonBound solstice draped beneath. Despite the elaborate dinner, the dishes used to prepare it were cleaned and put away, nothing even sitting in the drying rack next to the sink.

The TV was playing one of those several-hour YouTube videos of a fireplace, and the console table the TV sat on had a banner stretched across it that said, Happy Anniversary! In big block letters.

James was standing next to the dining table. In his best black suit, wearing a dark teal tie. He had his hands clasped in front of him and he looked worried.

We just stared at each other for several long seconds while I nudged the door shut until it finally clicked into the doorframe.

I blinked. “I’m underdressed,” I said.

The smile he gave me was melancholy. “You look beautiful. Just as you are,” he said. I dropped my keys in the bowl next to the door but didn’t say anything. He took a step forward, but didn’t get too close to me. “I missed you, love.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “So much.”

My anger broke—and so did my control over the tears I’d been holding back.

I burst into tears and rushed at him, throwing my arms around him while he cradled me close to his chest. I got lost in how many kisses we exchanged. They were wet and salty with how bad I was crying, but neither of us seemed to mind. “I missed you so much, Jimmy,” I whispered.

He blinked tears out of his own eyes, but he was smiling. “You haven’t called me that in a long time,” he said softly, cupping the side of my face in his hand.

“You don’t like it when I use it too often,” I said. I leaned up toward his head and pressed our foreheads together. “Come in, please?”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

—missed you— —look beautiful— —love you— —thank you—

His voice drifted through my mind with comfortable familiarity. I snuggled against him. “I love you too,” I whispered.

He kissed my forehead. “Sit down. Let’s eat.”

We sat and had dinner, and I felt the twist of pain on my heart lighten and ease. I felt like I could finally breathe after two weeks of suffocating.

Toward the end, the conversation had petered out a bit and I found my thoughts spiraling again. “James?” I asked quietly.

“Yes?”

“Never miss our anniversary again.”

He leaned across the table and took my hand. “I’ll do my best, love. I promise.”

—don’t want to hurt you— —so sorry— —not enough, but it’s all I can say now—

[frombirkhallwithlove]

#BREAKING: Earlier this week, I "pranked" @camillasgirl and sent her a "media request", asking for an interview to mark her 10th anniversary as a royal blogger and it turns out I'm better than the Royal Rota because: I got my interview 🤭

Meanwhile, I've outed myself and, luckily, we're not getting divorced 😂 Instead, darling will be answering some of the most lovely and thoughtful questions some of my followers on Instagram sent in an exclusive (!) live later today (we're not sure about the time yet but we'll definitely save and share the link here it for you to catch up whenever you can!).

Here are the questions my darling will be answering in our Insta live later today:

1. What made you start your blog in the first place? Was there a certain event? And why did you choose Tumblr as a platform (and not e.g. Twitter, Facebook, ...)?

 

2. "Camilla's Girl" is such a sweet and unique name, a brand really - where did it come from? 

3. What was blogging like 10 years ago compared to what it is like now? What has changed for the better and what used to be better in the early years? 

4. What was your personal highlight in all of those years? Any particular tour or engagement that particularly touched you (and why?) 

5. What initiative of Camilla’s is your favourite?

6. What has most surprised you about this 10 year journey you have been on? 

7. Is there anything you would change about the way Camilla and her team go about stuff? 

8. Has there ever been something you did not post? What was it and why? 

9. Why do you think our darling Queen has only worn the Delhi Durbar Tiara once?

10. Did meeting her in person inspire you to new ideas for your amazing blog?

11. What are you most excited about in the Camillaverse for the next 10 days / months / years? 

12. Which is the first memory of Camilla you have and when did you start growing interest for her? And what was the moment that lead you to decide to open a page about her? 

13. What are you enjoying most about blogging about Camilla?

14. How do you handle online hate? Has it gotten better or worse in the past 10 years? 

15. If you could invite Her Majesty for dinner, what would you cook?

16. What is the most important thing that you have learnt from Her Majesty all these years? 

17. How could you be so dedicated to your blog for 10 years? Apart from HM what inspired you?

18. What would be any other person/ topic you would blog so passionately about?

19. What is your favorite quality you’ve observed of Her Majesty during your time covering her?

20. How do you handle online hate?

21. As the perception of Camilla has changed a lot during these last years, do you feel the approach with other people has changed too? Do you think it's simpler now or harder to interact with others?

22. What is the main message you would like to tell to the world by your blog?

[the-black-mage-of-phantasm]

Envenomation: a Sucy Manbavaran fanfic

Art by the wonderful Pili BlueBerry on Instagram!

Ao3 Link to Story, FFN Link to Story

Summary: Sucy Manbavaran wasn’t the most “open” person. Aloof most of the time, sarcastic the rest, and always sadistic, she knew a lot of people thought she was nothing but the scariest witch in the room, and she was more than happy to let them think so. But even witches like her had fears. Ones she never liked to think about, and ones that gave her nightmares that had become far, far too real.

Current Chapters: 5

Current Length: 67,092 words

Updates Monthly. Next update, January 2nd, 2024

Hello there! It’s been about four months since I promised to update this story. And it’s been just as long any story for that matter. Yeesh.

So, to give a TL;DR about why I’ve been gone and what took this chapter so long: my mom got into a car accident on like day before I was going to upload this, and while she was fine, dealing with insurance to cover the accident has been a nightmare. I had to take more shifts at my job and work more hours to cover the bills while dealing with them, but, eventually, I got them to fork over the money.

After like three months of that, I started editing the draft for this chapter, and there were certain things I didn’t like, and certain plot points I wanted to change, which led to a massive rehaul of certain scenes here. And then like in the second week of  November, I got a really bad flu (surprisingly not COVID) that left me feeling like crap for the rest of the month, especially since I couldn’t take that many days of work, so I had to work while sick.

And this was all on top of dealing with the fact that the one year anniversary of my best friends death came and went, reminding me she isn't hear, and dealing with all the grief that brings.

So, that’s what I’ve been up to these last few months.  And yes, that was the summarized version.

I’m really sorry for the delay. And I’m afraid I have some more bad news: because of how busy I’ve gotten at my job, I’m gonna have to move this story to a monthly release. Sorry, but I don’t want to sacrifice the quality of this story by giving out incomplete works just to meet a deadline that I can push back.

But anyway, I do hope this chapter was worth the wait. It’s quite long (over 21,000 words, the longest chapter to date!), and there was a lot of talking here, but trust me when I say there were certain moments here that heavily foreshadow key plot points for later down the line. Also, I did my best to make the dialogue, especially between the red team and Ursula, feel authentic to them as characters,  as well as doing the emotional moments here justice, and I hope that it made for an enjoyable read. And now, I’m gonna work on the next chapter and try to get it out by January 2nd!

And with that, these notes come to a close. Don't hesitate to tell me what you liked and/or didn't like about this chapter!

[pretty-boys-book-club]

Mind Over Matter (Chapter 5) | Bylines to my heart

Summary: You are a young journalist navigating the turbulent job of reporting for a local newspaper in D.C. What happens when you constantly bump into a cute boy genius? Can FBI agents befriend journalists? Can they fall in love with one?

Word Count:

Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

“Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall." ― Jodi Picoult

Over the course of the next few days, Spencer finds himself all over the country. One week he's in Georgia, then there's a case in New Mexico, only for them to be called to consult over a case in Michigan the very next moment. When he first started at the FBI, he used to hear multiple people mention the dangers of travel burnout. As someone who had barely left the West Coast, that idea seemed ridiculous to him. Working remotely from different stations, visiting several cities in one week, and staring longingly out an airplane window seemed like a glamorous lifestyle. If burnout was the price to pay, he could deal with it.

But now?

After a decade in the BAU, he completely understand why all senior agents complain about their job not being a 9-to-5. He's constantly rushing, because the team is always inevitably called to consult in a case at the very last notice, so he never ends up unpacking, never turns off his brain, never rests, never stops. And when he's off work, it’s hard not to bring his work home with him. He doesn't really feel like he even has a personal life anymore. He's missed so many birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

Keep reading or read it on AO3

Truth be told, Spencer simply doesn't know how to relate with most people. It's not that he dislikes them, but more so they are just too different from him. They don't have the same morals as he does, nor do they understand the way he thinks. On top of that, it's not like he had that many opportunities to learn how to navigate relationships growing up. His mother's illness made him pretty much a recluse, and only when he got older did he realize that a lot of people thought he was odd.

Being a child prodigy meant that, during all of his childhood, he was pushed beyond his limits time and time again, challenged to an unhealthy level of learning that forced him to give up the typical things people do during childhood and their teenage years. Even now, with all the knowledge he possesses, he still lacks the ability to navigate social cues.

He is aware of that, of course, but his awareness does not make things any easier. In his haphazard pursuit for his career, he has always pulled away before getting too close to anyone.

Then, he met Maeve and he felt understood for the first time. He felt seen. And, to be honest, he enjoyed the attention. But she died in his arms before he could even get to know her deeply. And when she passed away, Spencer lost the very little trust he had in relationships.

When your heart has been through so much loss it doesn’t just go back to loving. It goes into a very different place. It goes to fear, anxiety and trauma. The first moment he feels a small glimmer of love, he immediately feels so much fear that it's almost like a panic attack.

He knows he will never fully recover from Maeve's death, but he wants to move on. The problem is that he's terrified of being hurt. After everything he has witnessed over the years—the pain of others, the damage they can cause, the horror that comes out of them— he knows that there’s a certain level of risk involved in loving someone else.

He knows he will never fully recover from Maeve's death, but he wants to move on. The problem is that he's terrified of being hurt. After everything he has witnessed over the years—the pain of others, the damage they can cause, the horror that comes out of them— he knows that there’s a certain level of risk involved in loving someone else.

And yet, Spencer needs someone by his side. Someone who understands him and won't leave him. Someone he can lean on. He knows it'll take time, patience and understanding. But he wants to try that with you.

His biggest challenge right now is that he fears the worst and hopes for the best. So far, he hasn't had the best luck with romantic relationships, but maybe, this time, luck will be on his side.

He just has to find the courage to send you a text. His fingers tremble as he looks up your phone number. He can feel his palms sweating, so he takes a deep breath, then another, trying to calm his racing thoughts and pounding heart. He types out the message, pressing send before he can overthink it.

The second he does, fear and relief wash over him. He realizes that he has been holding his breath while typing the words. Even though he's terrified, he smiles and lets himself breathe.

06:37 PM Spencer 📚☕️: Hi. I was just thinking about your offer for a second date, but I'm a bit swamped at work at the moment. How are you? Miss me?

It takes Spencer several seconds to realize what he's done.

This was supposed to be a joke. A sarcastic, lighthearted line that would hopefully put both of you at ease. Instead, it sounds as if he's clingy and desperate. He stares at the screen, wondering how many times he can hit delete before it stops working.

But somehow, he doesn't want to erase it. He wants to see your reply. He doesn't know why, but he really does.

—

You're almost asleep when your phone lights up with a notification. You look at the number and see that it's from a couple of emails waiting for you from your boss and a text from Spencer. You've been so buried in work lately that you're even struggling to stay awake, you don't have the right mind space to reply at the moment. You make a mental note to answer him later when you're less stressed out before finally giving up and getting some sleep.

Once again, you wake up to an alarm going off. You turn to your side and turn it off, deciding that a few more minutes of sleep can't hurt. You get back under the covers and close your eyes again. It's only moments later that you realize you're gonna be late if you wait any longer. You roll over and grab your phone to check the time, seeing that you've got another email from your boss. You groan at the thought of going into work today.

"You'll do fine," you mutter as you get out of bed. You quickly get dressed and try to calculate how much it'll take you to get to work on time. Finally, you decide that you'll just have to cut out some corners this morning. You head to the metro station before you even get a chance to eat something. Once you get there, the wagon is so full that you end up standing all the way down to your stop. By the time you get outside of the station, you're already running behind schedule.

Finally, you get to your desk just in time to see an email come through from your boss. "Just a reminder: we need the next review done by noon," he says. You sigh. You've been so buried in work, which you probably should've been doing anyway considering how much of it you suddenly have. Seems like everyone in the newsroom has started to get stressed about imminent deadlines.

You've been struggling with writing a review about the Midsummer Night's Dream production at the National Theater. You had such a good time with Spencer. It was an interesting experience to see Shakespeare performed live, especially because the stagecraft was great. But, of course, it's something that has been performed a million times before. So it's hard to write about what you've experienced without trying to sound like a complete douche.

It's not that you think it's bad or anything. It's just that there are lots of people who've seen this play a thousand times. The job writing reviews is a bit more tedious than you expected. You have to go over the details of plays, movies or books you've seen and read over and over again. Sometimes, you wonder why they hire someone to do these sorts of things.

The rest of the day goes by slowly until lunch break comes around. You're nowhere near finished with the review. It's the second time this week you've let a deadline pass by unnoticed. John calls you into his office. You're getting used to dealing with him. At first, you thought he was too harsh with your articles, but his constant scolding actually motivates you to be better at what you do.

"I know I haven't exactly been easy on you," he starts. "But there's a reason why I'm doing it." He pauses for a moment as if thinking about what to say next. "You remind me a lot of my younger self. You should keep that in mind. I did some stupid stuff when I was your age and ended up ruining my career because of it. Don't let that happen to you."

You're a little surprised by that, but you also feel kind of touched by it. Maybe you aren't so bad after all. The silence stretches for a minute or so. You sit down in front of his desk and take a deep breath before asking: "But...?"

He leans back in his chair and folds his hands in front of him. "Your articles have been very good," he begins. "But I want them to be even better. And I'm not saying that to stroke your ego. You've missed two deadlines. That's twice now. If you can't meet those deadlines, then I can't afford to keep you anymore."

"I'm sorry," you apologize. "I really am. I didn't think I'd miss the deadlines."

"No one does. It's just something you have to learn to deal with," he says. "Now, I'm not telling you this to scare you. I'm telling you this because I care about you. I don't want to see you fail, okay?"

"Thank you, sir."

He smiles. "From now on, I want you to double check every single detail. No more missed deadlines. And, just in case, I'm assigning one of the editors to work closely with you. His name is Thomas and he's going to help you with everything from now on." He calls for Thomas to come into the room.

He looks a bit older than you. You're guessing he's in his early thirties, maybe a little older. Your boss, John, continues. "Thomas is one of our best. You two are going to go through each of your drafts until you get the hangs of it. Do you think you can handle that?"

You nod. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Don't take this the wrong way. You're young, you're bound to make mistakes sometimes, but try harder from now on, okay?" John stands up, walks around the desk and puts his hand on your shoulder. "You're a good reporter, kiddo. I really liked your coverage of the Tenleytown case."

You smile. "Thanks, sir."

"Don't thank me yet. We'll see how you do tomorrow. Now, if you two don't mind, I have a phone call I need to attend to. Don't fuck up, okay?"

And with that, he goes back to the desk and signals for you two to leave his office. Thomas accompanies you outside. He's carrying a stack of files.

"So, I take it you're new to the Capital." He mentions, hoping to start a conversation.

"Yes, I used to live in New York before. Moved there during college. After that, I got a job there and decided to stay. You know how it goes."

"Sounds fancy. NYU?"

"No, Columbia."

"Oh, well. I went to..."

You interrupt him. "Let me guess...Princeton?"

"What gave it away?"

"The fact that you didn't answer my question."

"Touché." He laughs. "Still, I can't believe you came all the way here just to join the WTOP team. Have you seen the traffic?" You two keep talking until you reach your desk. He tells you he holds a Masters in English, something that makes you think he’d get along well with Spencer if they were to meet. You also learn that he likes to go out drinking on the weekends, but only if he can find a nice place that doesn't have too many hipsters.

There's a bizarre magic to finding the right editor who understands the stories you're passionate about, deals with all the internal newsroom drama necessary to get your story what it needs, and makes your work better. He is responsible for checking facts, spelling, grammar, and punctuation. He’s the one that ensures that all your articles correspond with in-house style guides and feel polished and refined when done.

—

Your work day stretches until late once again. You're tired and worn out after having stayed late at work the last few days, but you have a deadline to meet and you know it's better to finishing things off before you have a chance to relax. Thomas approaches you with a cup of coffee in hand.

"How're you doing?" He asks.

"Busy as usual." You sip on your coffee.

"Don't tell me about it. No one tells you about the long hours we put in here. I mean, I knew there was a lot of work involved, but I hadn't realized just how much."

You nod in agreement, your computer shows it's almost 9 PM. "Shit, are you by any chance going home?"

"Sure," Thomas says. "I don't need to get back until the morning anyway. Where do you live?"

"A couple of blocks from Woodley Park. I guess it's technically Adams Morgan but everyone calls it 'the other' one."

"Oh, I live close to Kalorama Park. That's where I'm headed now. Think we could catch the train together?"

"That would be great." You smile. You soon find out Thomas loves to talk. He's a guy who knows his way around town, so you're always learning new things about DC while he tells you about the places you haven't yet seen. As you two walk to your apartment, which is the same general direction as Thomas', he's telling you about some article he was reading on the Atlantic and you tune out for a while.

"Earth to Y/N!" He says.

"Sorry," you mumble, looking at him with a guilty expression.

"I saw you staring off into space just now. I was just asking you what you're doing this weekend. You know, since we're not going to work."

"I don't have plans."

"Well, why don't you come to my house? Kyle would love to have someone over. He makes the best lasagna ever, plus I'd love to have an extra set of hands in the kitchen. We'll make some cocktails and watch some TV." He offers.

You suddenly remember Spencer's text. "Shit."

Thomas looks confused at your reaction. "What's wrong?"

"There's this guy I'm seeing...I mean, I think I am. We went to the theater a couple days ago, I just remembered I haven't answered his texts. I really should call him."

"Whoa, slow down. Slow down, Y/N. Tell me everything."

You tell him about your date with Spencer, including how you felt afterwards. "Wow." He seems in shock. "He's really an agent? Not just some big city police officer?"

"Yes, he's a special agent. Works for the Behavioral Analysis Unit."

His eyes widen slightly. Then he gives you this warm smile. "Wow, that really is something else. Must be some sort of genius."

"Yeah, he is."

"Out of curiosity, can I see what he sent you?"

"Sure." You pull up the message. "This is it."

"It sounds like he meant every word." You look up at Thomas. His eyes are filled with warmth and affection. "He sounds sweet. So... Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Miss him."

"Um..." You hesitate. "We've only been on one date. Maybe he doesn't want anything serious right now.”

"You're not answering my question", he teases.

You feel your face flush red. You bite your lip as you try to figure out how to answer. "I... I actually do." You admit. "I miss him."

"So I take it you'll go out with him again? To get a good idea of whether or not he wants more than just a casual relationship?"

"I hope so."

"Then, please, let him know. Make sure he knows you're interested." Thomas nods. You debate whether you should follow his advice and text Spencer. Or maybe you shouldn't even bother trying at all. He's probably busy.

—

Spencer spends his whole day wondering when you'll reply. He begins to lose hope. He's usually really good at avoiding looking at his phone during work, but he lacks the willpower to do so, for the first time in a long while. He's been more withdrawn than usual. He falls asleep in the jet questioning why he's so anxious about your reply, his mind going down a dark and twisting path, one he’s not so sure if he’ll find a way out.

When the team arrives at Quantico, Spencer is the last one to board off the plane. He takes a deep breath as he takes the elevator and checks his phone. When he looks down at the his phone, he realizes you've sent him a message:

08:42 PM Y/N: Hey Spence! Sorry I haven't reached out yet. I've been so busy with work lately. Funny thing you've asked, I do miss you. I'd love to see you soon. Let me know if you're free tonight. Hope all is well with you. XX

His heart leaps into his throat. Spencer smiles from ear to ear. His eyes keep darting back to your words on the screen. He feels his heart racing as he reads them over again and again. He rests his body against the wall, folding his arms across his chest. He's so distracted by his own thoughts he doesn't even realize Derek has made an appearance behind him until Derek speaks. "What are you doing?"

Derek asks, sounding curious rather than annoyed or worried. Spencer shakes his head slightly, trying to clear it. The words just won't come. "When you’re gonna tell me about whatever it is that you’re hiding?”

Spencer snaps out of his daze, pressing his lips into a tight line as he says, "I'm not hiding anything.” It’s a fib, but one Spencer utters almost without thinking, adopting a nonchalance he’s perfected over years of lying to his coworkers about his whereabouts, his weekend plans, and most importantly, his love life.

"That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard," Derek replies, shaking his head. "You've been checking your phone at least every fifteen minutes for the whole day and that's coming from the guy who is a self-proclaimed technophobe. Come on, that might work with Garcia or JJ, but you know I'm pretty perceptive. Tell me what's going on inside that big brain of yours.”

Spencer sighs heavily, "You don't understand."

"No, I guess I don't," Derek says, placing his hands on his hips. "If you're not hiding something then why are you acting like a nervous little puppy?"

"I'm just thinking about a text I got. That's all."

"Is it from a special friend by any chance? Is that why you're acting so weird?"

Spencer feels his cheeks flush. He takes a moment to collect his thoughts. "It's from a friend of mine."

"Okay, so why can't you tell me who she is?"

“I just like my privacy, okay? Can’t a guy have that?”

“Of course you are allowed to keep things to yourself, but you're the worst at keeping secrets. Besides, a little bird told me you went on a date with… What’s her name again?”

“Y/N is her name, we…" Spencer can't control the smile that takes over his face. When he realizes this, he quickly pulls himself together, feigning an expression of surprise, his voice getting higher: "Wait, what? Who told you that?”

Spencer knows all his colleagues make their own assumptions at his reluctance to share about his (very nonexistent) romantic life. He also knows that they speculate about his well-being after what happened to Maeve. Still, can’t he have something for himself, once in his life? Something that he doesn’t have to share with anyone.

“I ain’t no snitch, Reid. But I’m happy for you, my man. You deserve some happiness after all you've been through. So how about you be a good boy and tell me everything about her, huh?”

“We've been on just one date. And it wasn't even an official one.”

"And do you plan on asking her out for another one? You know, officially?"

"I don't know. We haven’t talked about that yet."

“So what are you waiting for, pretty boy? Ask her out already!"

"It's not that simple. She's super busy and I need to figure out how to make time for us. I'd love to take her out to dinner again, but—"

“Oh, please! Sounds like an excuse. I know it's hard but don't overthink it. Just ask her out. That's all you have to do, the worst she can say is no."

"What if she says yes?"

"Then it'll be perfect."

Spencer shakes his head, unable to believe that Derek would be so naïve about these things. It's not that easy to just ask someone out. "I don't want history to repeat itself, that's all." Spencer admits. "After Maeve, I'm terrified of being hurt again. I'm afraid of getting involved with someone. I'm afraid they'll be hurt again."

"I know it's hard, but you're not the same anymore. Don't let that fear stop you from living your life, Reid. Life is short. Hell, it's shorter than we think."

"Thanks, Derek. I needed to hear that today."

"Anytime. Now, do you mind using that big brain of yours to fill out some paperwork? We have a lot of folders to get through."

Spencer nods. “Sure.”

—

It takes him around an hour to finish things up and get home. He takes a quick shower before climbing into bed. He starts to work on a reply to your text as soon as his head hits the pillow.

10:49 PM  Spencer 📚☕️: Sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you! I just couldn't seem to find the right words. I hope you don't hate me for that. If you want, we could have dinner this Thursday?

Spencer sends the message. He looks at his phone and waits for a reply. Minutes pass, he checks the screen to see if you've sent anything else. Nothing. Spencer sighs in disappointment and sets the phone aside. He closes his eyes, trying to fall asleep. But sleep doesn't come easily to him. He feels defeated. Maybe you were never really interested. Or maybe you found someone new? He's so confused.

He rolls onto his side, his head resting on the pillow. He tries to sleep. His mind wanders to the day he met you. How crazy to think it was pure coincidence. He's reliving all your conversations in his head when his phone lights up. It's a text from you.

10:52 PM  Y/N: That sounds good. I'll see you then :) Let me know the time and place.

Spencer opens his eyes as he reads the last part of your text. 'See you then.' He finds himself smiling as he falls asleep.

[banasheefan56]

As an army brat growing up (ie, a military family's child), might I add -

Routines and socials

Work hard party harder. (The organisation hosts multiple parties, events, fairs, etc.

The military organisations have separate society circles for the spouse of wed soldiers to interact with each other, host events discuss community problems, etc

Midnight house hopping (in some forces, all personnels birthdays and anniversaries are announced over the speaker system, and their division will visit them at midnight to celebrate)

Bachelors live in separate apartments but usually the same building

In military communities, the size of your house is based on your rank.

Children of these people usually attend defense schools (ie, Navy Children School [NCS], or Army Public School [APS] )

If they choose to live in public houses instead of those offered by the force, they live in communities where other soldiers already live.

Unless in certain units of the force, there is no continued training, though many take on gymming/fitness training as a hobby.

Yes, this means not all military characters can have 6 packs.

All of them have some level of awareness of pollution, littering, etc as the organisations host annual events such as beach/ road/ forest clean ups, and especially forces such as navy and coast guard are told to preserve and protect the aquatic habitats.

Work

People tend to forget, but army, air force, and navy are the main tertiary forces.

There are also supplementary forces, such as coast guard, military police, etc. Use them!

The navy and the coast guard also have air borne forces.

Emergency landings happen often. Not always a dangerous situation, but if something malfunctions they opt to land earlier than scheduled.

They have night shifts! There are very few works showing this, but when they have these, they are at home the whole day, leave in the evening, and return early morning the next day.

Border patrols.

1.) In aerial forces, pilots patrol shifts can be anywhere from 2 - 6 hours in a crammed cockpit with minimum movement.

2.) In aquatic forces patrols can take a week as the travel method us slower.

Please remember, navy does not do border patrol. Due to diplomatic reasons, coast guard is tasked with this job.

3.) With ground forces, this can take anywhere from 2-8 hours. It may be a stationary guard, or a mobile patrol group.

Headquarters of any force is usually beautiful. Its not barren, plain buildings, empty! Its well kept roads, fresh painted complexes, gardens and parks, mowed lawns, birds and varying wildlife based on where the headquarter is situated.

Random

These people have internal matches. You can 100% have your modern warrior come home grumpy because ''our team lost the match''... (though mostly they are all good sports)

They are comfortable standing and eating their meals, as they have to do this in the more formal events

Whether or not they continued their training, they remain strong from their initial days of training for the force

Every household generally has a showcase with 5 shelves filled with their soldiers achievement medals and trophies.

You will see some of them weight conscious as they have annual health check ups and have to meet certain weight requirements

They almost certainly have some sort of a decorative weapon somewhere in the house, for example a dagger or a rapier.

They don't say 'no'. Even if they disagree with superiors, they are not supposed to say no, but rather say something along the lines of ''I agree with you sir, but may I suggest...''. This work posturing becomes a habit they carry into regular life.

They are as comfortable in suits as they are in camouflage overalls thanks to aforementioned formal events.

It was wonderful to share, hope this is helpful!

I will gladly clarify or add more details if anyone reaches out to me.

Writing US Military Characters

This is a non-exhaustive list of some common ‘quirks’ or habits that can give away a character’s military experience. Wrote it up for myself and it’s particularly useful when I want to show instead of tell. These are based on first person accounts from several vets! Thought others might like to use it too for a reference :D Ones with * or ** came up particularly often.

Like any guide, it’s just that - a guide, not a set of rules! A character is unlikely to do all of these, and other factors like ADHD, trauma, or just personality might effect what sticks. People are endlessly diverse! 

Eat, Drink, Dress, and Rest

* High tolerance for physical discomfort

** Eat very fast, and aren’t picky about the taste

** Can sleep anywhere - on a helicopter, in enemy territory, up high, underground, when it’s loud, when it’s quiet

* Can operate effectively without sleep for over 24hrs, or with erratic and limited sleep for days

** Wake up early, 0500-0700; Wake up quickly and ready for action

* Hair cut regularly. Beards stay clean shaven (alternatively some may avoid shaving when out of uniform)

** Dress practically and neatly, jackets buttoned/zipped up, ironed, polished

Take hat off indoors 

Organization and Talents

Gearhead

Gun nut

Detail oriented

** Pockets are meticulous. The same thing always goes into the same pocket, for easy reach. Pockets never full to bulging. Carry multitool.

** Hands stay out of pockets - ready. (Hands in pockets is forbidden in the military. Some Special Forces may keep their hands in pockets, as their ‘grooming’ rules are less enforced. Because they can)

Always carry things with left hand (and ”southpaws” must learn to use standard right-handed weapons)

** Know how to clean house and keep it organized (may choose not to out of uniform)

** Can make bed and shower fast

Organize clothes to be able to dress and maneuver their own space in pitch black (Navy specifically)

Know how to sew basic repairs (i.e. a button)

Layout items before packing. Tight roll clothes. Pack efficiently

** Can read maps effectively, may prefer them to a GPS, use landmarks

Deadlines not always considered concrete (There is a military mantra, “Hurry up and wait.” Often one would be told to complete something or arrive somewhere at a certain time, but nothing would happen due to someone else’s task meant to be finished earlier still being incomplete)

** Alternatively (or in tandem), arrive 5-30 minutes early to every event

Things kept packed securely in the car, “ready for sea” and “heavy rolls” (Navy specifically)

Routines and Social

** Respect for the “Other” or “Them” - other religions, cultures, races, and ethnicities - had to work crammed together with a diverse group that may have strongly opposing viewpoints, and learn to trust each other to have their backs in dangerous situations (For many, military is their first real experience with different cultures and beliefs)

* Respect ≠ Like. Will go above and beyond for a respected leader, even if they are disliked

Deeply suspicious of red tape, bureaucracy, and bosses on power trips, and will only do the minimum required for these

** Low tolerance for slacking/job skirting

* Volunteer other people for tasks, and willing to be volunteered for things

Don’t ask people to do things they aren’t willing to do themselves

Still follow orders of bosses they dislike. Still have the backs of coworkers they dislike

** Like clear orders, responsibilities, chain of command, and penalties

* Have Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C

Actions matter more than ceremony; definite respect for processions, but excessive reverence for the flag/anthem/etc viewed as posturing rather than true patriotism

High tolerance for boredom

** Adaptable, high stress tolerance, work efficiently, self reliant

** Avoid having their back to an opening (windows/doors/etc) or sitting anywhere someone can sneak up on them from

* Avoid loud, crowded areas, check perimeters, barricade doors, sleep last in a group (may coincide with PTSD)

Always walk on the right side of a road/grocery aisle/etc

Stand at parade rest, walk cadence, walk fast

* Walk quietly, even in boots, sneak quickly (military crouch run)

De-escalation in violence - in protective armed situations the standard is: 1) multiple warnings, 2) warning shots, 3) shoot to incapacitate. Shoot to kill is a last resort. (not following these steps could get an ally or potential ally killed) In verbal disagreement, resolve an issue before it escalates

* Wariness toward and tendency to feel Other’ed by civilians

* Immediate acceptance toward other military, expectation of shared values

Vernacular

Observe before speaking in a situation, only speak if it seems significantly important to

Refer to people as “Sir” or “Ma’am”

** Speak directly, make direct eye contact (sometimes comes off as rude, often intimidates)

* Don’t take criticism or disagreement personally, expect others not to, either, and will point out flaws even to superiors (but again, orders are respected)

** Clear communication, acknowledge messages by replying, even if that’s just a thumbs up or down

** Swearing. Lots of swearing. Every other word is swearing

** Dark sense of humor, and racist/sexist jokes - not indicative of individual’s actual belief system or violent tendencies

Unbothered by angry yelling, angry quiet people are more concerning

** Point with ‘knife hands’, not just a single finger

** Use a 24 hour clock instead of a 12 am/pm; i.e. 0800 hours, not 8am (Called ”Military Time” in the US) 

Describe locations by o’clock directions, i.e. dog standing at 6 o’clock

* Write out dates as day-month-year (US usually does month-day-year) i.e. 21Oct57

** Use phonetic alphabet to spell things out, or at least have it memorized

** Habitually use military terms or sayings, including:

Good to go - Mission ready, ready to proceed

Squared away - Compliment indicating exemplary service

Popping a smoke - Need to get out of here [From using smoke grenades to call helicopters for extraction]

“Sir yes sir” [A ‘sir sandwich’] 

FUBAR - F*cked up beyond all recognition

SNAFU -  Situation normal, all f*cked up

TARFU -  Things are really f*cked up

BOLO - Be on the lookout

ATL - Attempt to locate

IAW - In accordance with

Civilian - Non-military person

Roger - Message received and understood

“Say again your last.” - What?

Firearm- Gun

Ruck - backpack

March - walk

Double time - running

PT - working out

Rally point - meetup

Field day - Spring Cleaning (Navy specifically)

Get smoked - Laps, pushups, etc as punishment

[head-post]

US presidential election should not affect Europe, top EU official says

Top EU official Charles Michel said the bloc’s future should not depend on the outcome of the US election and suggested that both Donald Trump and Kamala Harris would pursue protectionist policies.

Outgoing European Council president Michel said in an interview:

“There are some differences between Harris and Trump for sure. In the short term, it will be different. But in the mid term, in the long term, are we certain that it will be fundamentally different?”

EU countries are nervously watching the vote across the Atlantic next month, which could return the former President Trump to power.

Trump has infuriated Washington’s European allies by threatening to break up NATO, strike a quick deal with Moscow on Ukraine and impose trade tariffs. Michel said:

“In terms of economic partnerships, do you think that with or without Harris, or with or without Trump, the United States will not be any more a protectionist country? They are a protectionist country, I regret this situation.”

Michel also said the 27-nation bloc “should not reflect that we are afraid because we don’t know who will be the next president of the United States.” He added:

“I don’t want that my children will depend on who will be the next president of the United States, who will be the president of China, of Russia. I want my children, my grandchildren to be in control of their destiny, because it is in Europe that we decide what is our future and what is our destiny.”

The US and EU countries are providing major support to Kyiv in what many in Europe see as an existential struggle for the continent’s security. However, Trump has questioned whether US aid to Ukraine can continue.

Looking back on five years of chairing summits of EU leaders, Michel said he regretted the bloc’s failure to play a more active role in another global hotspot, the Middle East.

Michel’s term as head of the EU Council, which represents the bloc’s member states, is coming to an end and he will be succeeded by Portugal’s Antonio Costa on December 1.

EU countries have struggled for a unified stance on the war in Gaza since Hamas attacked Israel on October 7 a year ago. The bloc has also failed to exert influence to prevent the conflict from escalating as fighting has now spread to Lebanon. Michel said:

“We are the first economic partner of Israel, on the one hand, and we are the first partner in terms of development for the Palestinian people on the other hand. We should be more ambitious in using the tools we have on both sides to bring more stability.”

The 60th anniversary US presidential election will be held in less than two weeks. The date of voting will be November 5, 2024, and Americans will choose the 47th head of state.

Read more HERE

[greensparty]

Movie Review: The 4:30 Movie

This year marks the 30th anniversary of Kevin Smith's directorial debut Clerks, one of my all-time favorites. When I was getting into filmmaking, seeing Clerks was highly influential. It was a full-on “you can do this too” moment for me. Since that debut, Kevin Smith has had such a unique career in that he has made big budget movies, low budget, and everywhere in between for both studios and independently. He has built up a cult following and brought his characters into various sequels including 2022's Clerks III (read my review here). When I interviewed Clerks III stars Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson after it's release, they both spoke fondly of Smith and the fun environment he creates. Smith's earlier work like Mallrats and Chasing Amy are his strongest era. Since then, he has tried to dip his toes in other genres with mixed results (i.e. Red State and Tusk), but he tends to do his best work when it's somewhat personal. Being released this week from Saban Films is his semi-autobiographical coming-of-age comedy The 4:30 Movie.

movie poster

In suburban NJ during the Summer of 1986, teen Brian David (Austin Zajur) gets up the guts to call Melody Barnegat (Siena Agudong), a girl he flirted with the previous Summer and never got the guts to do ask out. She agrees to meet him for a movie at 4:30PM that day. Before that he goes with his goofy buddies Belly (Reed Northrup) and Burny (Nicholas Cirilo) to the same movie theater for some cinema trickery (one buys a ticket and sneaks the others in, etc). But when they piss off Manager Mike (Ken Jeong) the plan for Melody to meet Brian at that same cinema becomes endangered. There's small appearances from Kate Minucci, Method Man, Sam Richardson, Adam Pally, Rachel Dratch and loads of View Askew alumni.

Smith directing

The tone of this movie is similar to Mallrats in that it is a teen movie that's combining romanticism with crude humor, which isn't always easy to pull off. It is a coming-of-age teen movie in the vein of Smith's hero John Hughes, which in 2024 is refreshing to see. I'll start with the positive about this movie: this was something that truly spoke to me and more specifically the person I was at 16, even though that was more than a few years past 1986. The protagonist is a teen film geek, who has a vast knowledge of film and pop culture, insists on keeping quiet during a movie and staying for the credits, and reads Starlog magazine. To say I could relate would be an understatement! There was a real heart to this movie that looked back a pre-cell phone era (there's a funny gag where a character calls the movie theater and ties up the landline, drawing the ire Manager Mike). Now here's what I had an issue with: since this was Kevin Smith, I had hoped it was going to be LOL funny throughout. Instead there was some funny parts and then long periods before the next part I laughed at. Some of the jokes were low-hanging fruit winking-at-the-audiences references to the time period and what we know changed since (i.e. jokes about how no one would care about Star Wars sequels, prequels or spin-offs). In other coming-of-age comedies like Adventureland for example, I'm alright with it not being laugh-a-minute, but there's a certain expectation with Kevin Smith and because of this I wished it had been funnier. There's also some characters that are more like caricatures. I am pleased to see Smith going inward and personal like a lot of his best work (i.e. the Clerks movies). Clerks III was a serious comeback for him and here he's trying to sustain that...with mixed results, but it's the main character / Smith alter-ego Brian who makes this movie as we don't often get movies about film geeks (Clarence in True Romance being one of the notable exceptions). Let's hope Smith's next semi-autobiographical film is even better!

For info on The 4:30 Movie

3.5 out of 5 stars

[dashawfrostart]

This Week In "Time & Again" #4: Musings, And More Lothar For Everyone!!!

So! I made myself a "To-Do Before Xmas/New Year's" list! And I'll show it to ya! Ta-daaaa!

Some stuff is vibrantly scratched out for the reason of being either a spoiler or something too private. But you get the idea. That is, of course, aside from my grand work on Chapter 5 of "Time & Again", depending on how busy I am with my "wife life" outside of artistic activities. I think I've never mentioned that, but in my scripts and notes I use "JLo" as a short way to say "Jeanny and Lothar". You're welcome 😁 You probably would say I start off the work on Doom anniversary artwork way too early, almost a whole month in advance. But I'd rather do it very well in advance, to make certain it's complete in time. I had a few situations before when I ended up failing my own tasks because I didn't properly estimate time and effort required to complete an artwork... Mind you, this summer I just flat out FORGOT about a celebratory poster with Stu, Alan and Jade that I wanted to draw. It just slipped my mind!.. And now I'm a bit sour about it, for these people celebrated whole 18 years (!) of existence this summer. You might even say, they're now of age!!! 🤣... but I... just forgot to draw a nice artwork featuring them. That's a shame. Well, I guess, I'll try to make up to them 2 years later, on their 20th anniversary 🤦‍♀️😤 (now that I'm thinking about it, it also might magically match with the release of the final chapter of "Time & Again", provided everything goes as smooth as before, and/or I manage to keep up good time-management... but we'll see). "Atlantis: The Lost Empire" is the Disney cartoon that inspired me TREMENDOUSLY back in the day. And it still does. You might clearly see the visual style similarities between "Atlantis" and majority of my works, and particularly when it comes down to "Time & Again". I want to try harder and make my works look even closer to "Atlantis" - which means I'll have to literally break my artist's self in order to simplify/alter peculiarities of my own style to achieve what I want. That will not be easy... But this is what I would love to do. I will most likely talk even further about "Atlantis" in my next posts, perhaps not once, for a wholesome art research is waiting for me. Again. ... And since my dedicated friend Mr. Caco is already wearing the jolly Christmas bells on his head (body?..) and looks pretty excited, I should not disappoint neither himself or myself. I'll try to do everything on my list mindfully and ahead of time, whatever I can (not pushing myself too hard tho, because, according to my experience, this only upsets a person in the end). An incredibly active time awaits me in these pre-Christmas weeks. Yup. ... Aaaand of course I misspelled "practise" again 😫 Ok, memorizing and moving on!

And you know what's cool?!.. As I've been writing this post gradually little by little every day, I've already completed 2 of the tasks on the list, and 2 more are partially complete! Yipeeee! So it's all looking very good right now! 🥳🤩

It's been a few days of nice steady progress - in both life and creative endeavours. I'm trying to attempt a psychotherapy session with myself from time to time, to figure why why my mind - or rather "a radio inside my head") has been pretty much completely stuck on Duran Duran's latest album, Madness and OMD, with a slight prevalence of the latter. I presume, considering overall feel of jolliness these bands have to offer, it must have something to do with a subconscious intention to compensate for a blinding, unbearable rainbow of sh-... 😅 sorry, I meant: "an unfortunate set of events" that will indeed take place in Chapter 5. Because I truly feel I must compensate somehow. Psychological questions of how exactly we choose music to accompany our activities, what the choice is based on, and what exactly it depends on - all of that is extremely interesting to me, especially since music is such a big part of my life. However, the music I've been listening to while working on the chapters of "Time & Again" is a whole huge topic to talk about - possibly for hours at least, but most likely for days. So I presume I'll make a separate post about it a bit later on, depending on my inspiration. I think its fairly safe to give me "a music connoisseur" descriptor for proper identification. This states clearly how much I love, appreciate, and value music as a form of art. This has been always true, since I was a teenager, I believe. I used to collect music magazines, namely "Classic Rock", and books about my favourite bands. And I sure still keep it up, just not as actively as I used to before (for somebody spends nearly all her time drawing some weird graphic novel of sorts, cough... unbelievable!).

But back to "Time & Again" now! Within those last days I've drawn Lothar only, avoiding the other character completely. Currently most of the latest pages only contain his pretty and highly suspicious smile. (like that one, for example... 👇)

That is because the other character still requires a higher degree of certainty in their design. I already had the design finalized and confirmed earlier on, but now it needs a slight correction for a better fit into, mmm, let's say the mood of certain events. I believe, I'll have to refer to Doomguy's mugshot spritesheet working on that peculiar task. Why in the hell (did you hear me?! "why in the hell", 😉 ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-haaaa... *wink wink, twitch twitch* aaah, that was a terrible joke, wasn't it?..) does this game emerge yet again as I write about my graphic novel?.. Well, I believe you will see sometime next year 😉

One more thing that still requires urgent attention from me is the final design of Lothar's underarm pistol holsters. While the choice of his equipment has already been made, I need to invest some little time to do a little training/practice before I start adding that peculiar element of his outfit steadily on each page. To me, one of the trickiest things about redrawing guns from the guns existing in the real world is to find good reference photos, because you need a good look from as many sides and angles as possible, if you want precision and no crooked art. Otherwise... you have to improvise. Which I can do. But I prefer not to. Even though the guns Jeanny and Lothar have in my story are all based off the real pistols, SMGs and whatnot starting from Chapter 2, I allow myself to stray from the actual designs a little (for the high amount of details is going to be appreciated only by the gun nerds around... but I doubt it most of my readers will even pay attention and google for those guns to check if they're taken straight from reality or not). But I deeply enjoy to keep the guns recognizable enough for someone who actually might appreciate that. 🤓🌹 ... But goodness gracious, is it ever difficult to find good reference photos for the guns! 😤 Sometimes it's even hard to find good ones for the guns from the videogames, too. I remember, once I wanted to equip Jeanny with a pair of magnums from Tomb Raider 1, but I could not find any information on what kind of a real life pistol those were based off, and the screenshots from the game - obviously - were pretty pixelated and/or blurry. Soooo... no magnums for Jeanny (yet). No offense, Jeanny. I tried hard, believe me.

What else happened lately, you dare ask me? You see, when you keep drawing and drawing constantly, you might find yourself getting carried away - and sometimes NOT in the direction you expected. When your artworks are stylized - like mine - and when you start to draw details that you see fit or needed, you might find it that you're subconsciously altering your own style, you're "reshaping" it on the go, aaaaand... it might turn weird. You begin to "stumble", you might say. When this happens, I feel like my adorable and treasured creative spark that's always been serving me well has just accidentally and unexpectedly started to burn the curtains, and now the entire room smells funky. Eeeew. When I feel like my head's on fire because I'm overdoing it, I might occasionally take a break and explore the works of the other artists. And that's EXACTLY when "Atlantis" comes in. And then... when I feel like I'm gettin' overly "stuck", it's time to explore and refresh. Makes sense, right?! Currently my "refreshing state" includes gazing at "Atlantis" screenshots, promo arts and animated gifs, as well as sketching the Doom 30th Anniversary poster. The latter still needs a lot of work - but I'm not gonna babble about it here, because this post is primarily about "Time & Again".

Although a lot of stuff still needs to be done for Chapter 5 and the rest of "Time & Again", the work on it goes steady and nicely, and with very little interruptions. A fight with unnecessary perfectionism goes quite well, too. There are still a few dark spots here and there in regard of certain angles and designs - but I'm enjoying the process through and through!

Perhaps, a screenshot from a WIP frame for a farewell will especially cheer you up! Mmmmm, dat look.

Gotta wrap it up, wrote too much again; I gotta keep something exciting for the next post after all, hahaaaaaa! See you next time! 👋

[davisexplainableart]

A Certain 20th Anniversary

Hey guys, I'm back!

Alright, are you ready for me to make myself look awkward?

For those wondering, today (April 14, 2023) is the 20th anniversary of a certain TV show. One that mystifies and intrigues me, and horrifies others that aren't me. One with such a strange concept, that I just felt it was necessary to add lore to it.

Don't ask...

I've got nothing else to say. Let's begin...

I know what you might be thinking, 'oh dear, this is gonna give me SO MANY more nightmares!'

I can see where you're coming from, the siblings' appearances were (and still are) rather weird. Still, here they are now (with bios for each):

Fun Fact: If you're wondering what that thing is under Henry's pectorals, that's actually an opening. As the siblings grew older, they developed an extra layer of skin, making their fur pelts completely removable. However, the pelts still act as clothing, so the siblings prefer to keep their pelts on in public.

Fun Fact: All of the 5 Boohbah siblings have British accents (you know, because it's a British show?).

Fun Fact: The reason that Z keeps her hail in a pony tail is because when it's loose, her hair is a little out of control.

Fun Fact: The actor of Julian is the exact same actor who voiced Rokit in Mixels.

No, I am NOT kidding. Look it up.

Fun Fact: While at 1st glance, she may actually seem heavier than Z, Jane's weight is actually the same as Julian, it's just that she's a little shorter than him.

Yes, I created actual LORE out of this nonsensical concept.

For those who are upset, don't worry, I'm not planning for them to be recurring characters in my canon (mainly because it takes FOREVER to color them).

But for those who don't mind, I'm actually going to spend next week posting sketch/doodle pages for each sibling.

[keywestlou]

HAPPY WEDDING ANIVERSARY JEAN AND JOE THORNTON

HAPPY WEDDING ANIVERSARY JEAN AND JOE THORNTON - https://keywestlou.com/happy-wedding-aniversary-jean-and-joe-thornton/Jean and Joe Thornton are the dearest of friends. Today, they celebrate their 51st wedding anniversary. Gold plus one. Blue sapphire to be precise. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY JEAN AND JOE! They are two of the best friends I have made in my many years in Key West. Initially Chart Room buddies. We became exceptionally close beginning with Hurricane Irma. Jean and Joe were home in Birmingham as Irma approached. They were watching Irma's approach as those of us who lived full time in Key West were. The spaghetti was scary. For days a straight line to Key West. Projected as a Category 5. No deviation. I knew I had to get my ass out of Dodge. I left 5 days before Irma hit. My cautious nature at work. The game plan was to drive wherever would be safe. Weather reports advised Irma would come over the Keys and then run up the west coast of Florida. I opted to drive up the east coast. Put into Pompano the first night in a motel. Figured I was safe. Even the young lady at the registration desk thought Pompano would be safe. The motel was not busy. The next morning around 5, I got a call. I was told I had to leave, the motel was closing down. Irma had changed course and was going to come up the east coast. I checked the weather reports. Nothing appeared certain. East coast, west coast, center of the State. I decided to drive right up the middle of Florida on the Florida Turnpike. Keep driving that day as far as I could. Traffic was an abomination. Had been even on US 1 as I drove north out of the Keys. Move a mile or two in an hour and then 50-60 miles in an hour another time. Needed gas. No gas. Another story for another time. In any event, I drove straight north out of Florida into Georgia. Made it to Atlanta about midnight. Went to the big downtown Marriott. I had used Marriott for years, had their super duper card. Only 2 rooms left. Both suites. I think on the 47th floor. Not sure of the exact floor number, other than it was high. Since I was a card holder, got the room for $135 a night. Good deal! The registration lady said they were full up because of the hurricane. Fortunately, it was not expected to reach Atlanta. Spent two nights in the Marriott. Received an early morning call the third day. I was required to check out. The hotel was closing down. Irma on the way. Where was I going to go? Decided to call Jean. She had said if I needed a place to stay, I could with her and Joe at their home in Birmingham. Jean said come hither, Louis. Several others and some dogs on their way also. I was on my way to Birmingham, Alabama. I have left out of the story the minor inconveniences experienced just getting to Atlanta. Like gas was always a problem. A one to two hour wait. The bathroom another. I was at a rest area on the Florida Turnpike. Had to take a wicked piss. The line for the men's room was like it always is for ladies. Long and ran to the outside of the building. In an hour, I moved about 10 feet, was still not in the building let alone the rest room, and my gut was ready to burst. Screw this I thought. I went outside and walked over to a forest area to relieve myself. It was old home week. Men and women everywhere doing what I was. Finally made it to Birmingham. The Thornton home lovely. In due course, 6 or 7 of us arrived. I was the first. Lucky. Got a large bedroom and bath. All of us spent 11 or 12 days. Irma deviated at the last minute and hit Key West as a mere 1. It hooked back onto land 16 miles north at Cudjoe Key however as a 4 or 5. The time as guests of the Thornton's was wonderful, top shelf, the best, always made to feel welcome, etc. We all did out own thing till 5 in the afternoon. Then it was 5 o'clock as it is 5 o'clock everywhere. Drinking time. The Thorntons have a large screened in porch on the rear of their home. That is where we began. A few drinks and some pickies. Dinner around 8-9. Around a large dining room table. Joe and Jean are as loved in Birmingham as they are in Key West. Most evenings their friends and neighbors brought whole meals for all of us. Between we "guests" and Jean and Joe there were about 10 of us. The meals were ethnic denomination based. The whole meal. Cases of wine sometimes also. Then we partied till 2-3 in the morning. Fun time!!! There is a video floating around on the internet. It is of Jean and I jitterbugging around 3 in the morning. We did it all! Oh, what a time we had! I was sorry to leave. We all were. You didn't leave right away once the hurricane had passed Key West. Can't go back till there is electric power and water at the very least. So we stayed 11-12 days. My recollection is I left day 12. I was sorry to go. I honestly believe Jean and Joe were sorry to see us go. I wrote a book about the experience. Titled it Irma and Me. It is available on Amazon. Cheap. Buy it if you want a blow by blow of my trip back and forth. From the moment I left to Key West till I return. Beside the stay at Jean and Joe's, what I saw as I hit the Keys. Irma had left its mark everywhere. Capsulating a couple of things as examples. Boats were on the highway, cars in the water, houses other that on their foundations. One thing I observed as I approached Islamorada on the return trip. A tree on my right as I drove down US 1. Sitting on some branches about 20 feet up, a large refrigerator laying on its side. What a wind it must have been! Enjoy your Sunday!

[bitchkay]

Yall really want me to autisticly word vomit all over this page👁👁

@sophiaredwood03 @brainpancollectionsite

Damn if yall insist🙄✋🏽

What I'm thinking about references ALOT from guys path and maybe a few events as well as other consort paths so SPOILERS but I'm mostly just talking about Guys family, the lore surrounding him and his relationships with his family and what ages they can possibly be

When estimating ages I always like to start with these three boys because of what their age gaps are implied to be and go from there and place every one else inbetween or some such

Now Guy and Toa are somewhat implied to be the oldest of the seven princes

Any and almost all info and mentions of times passing are few and far between and very ambiguous unless that's the focus of the story ex. anniversary/birthday events where the passing of time is literally commemorated but it's still not very informative. Even casual implications of time passing aren't very informative cus it's usually shit like 'the next day' or 'a few days later' and you don't really get a good grasp of how actually long its been like has it been a week?? a month??? 3 days???? 4 days????? We also don't really know how time passes in Saligia, a few days could be equivalent to a month on earth for all we know

All that said we don't actually know the age gaps between the princes really at all except that some of them are the same age

But we'll start here

Toa and Guy are- at least I think, are the oldest of the 7 princes.

I think Toa is older (Toa remembers when Guy was born and how his studies got more rigorous because Guy was notably gifted and was trying to "catch up") his birthday is in July and Guys birthday is in November which would make them 5 months apart if they were born in the same year so I think they're definitely at least 1 year apart

Guy and Aquia are suposed to be close in age

One of the reasons Aquia attends the academy other then how he's second inline for the thrown is because him and Guy are closer in age then they both are to Zev

While by my memory it wasn't worded that they did mention Aquia being the brother closest in age. I specifically remember the short phase "closest in age". My interpretation of this being that the age gap between Aquia and Zev is larger then the age gap between Guy and Aquia.

How large tho?

I'm not sure if Aquia was around when Guys mother died but if he was how young/old was he?

Queen Min Avari – the first queen – Guys mother, was apparently Rocs favorite. King Roc was definitely in love with her considering the amount of resentment Rahm has for her.

Rahm literally tried to kill Guy not only because she wanted Aquia to take the throne but also because she knew Queen Min was Roc favorite and couldn't stand being "second choice"

Which apparently to her means 'yup time to kill her off spring😋' /j

We learn in the event "a view to marriage" an Avarian king is allowed to have more than one queen, maybe not to the point of Luxure having several hundred queen consorts but it wouldn't be uncommon to have a wife or two

And if Roc did love Min where did this ideology that women only want power come from?

Because on multiple occasions Guy has expressed how certain things MC has done reminded of his mother so we can assume that Min was at least a kind person

After Guy's mother died he shut out alot of people and kept arround the people that were closest to him

Aquia knows of this side of Guy in my opinion quite well so I think we can assume yes Aquia was around when Guys mother died

Guy seems to hold alot of fond memories of his mother but I'm pretty sure he was young when she died too, cus I don't think he knows alot about her either, I think he mentioned it in his path

He definitely wasn't grown when she died cus while yes if my mom was killed at my big age it would still be devastating but Zev most definitely wasn't even much of a thought at the time, bro was a sperm swimming arround in Rocs balls💀

I'll touch on Zev in a moment

If Guy was young at the time, how young was he? How old was Aquia?

I think we can assume Min and Rahm were queens at the same time and yes despite how literally fucking insane Rahm is she was not Mins killer. That's proven at the end of Guys path when he uses ancient magic on her to tell the truth.(he asks her specifically if she killed his mother)

If Aquia knows what Guy was like during his mourning period to a degree it's safe to assume he was there, then he had to have been at least sentient. Conscientious of his existence and memories and some such.

Most children become aware that they're y'know people around 3-6 year's old, some children don't have that kind of realization and just kinda wake up one day knowing that yeah they're a person, they have thoughts and autonomy and they can actually control their bodies. For a thaumaturge maybe they realize there's magic running through their veins. Alot of thaumaturges (mc asked around for when they casted their first spell) have said they casted their first spell as a toddler so their mini epiphany can literally just be when they realize they can control it actually and not just think something it happens.

At the very least Aquia had to be 6-7, AT MOST maybe 9

But how old does that make Guy?

If Aquia is 7 Guy is clearly some bit older than him cus obviously

I'm gonna say 10, any older and we start moving into preteen areas

Guy also had Jasper at the time

Alot of valets except for Knight and Violet(and Lance's valet Zeneau as well as Jay) has been with their charges since childhood, spending a portion of that childhood together both as children

Jasper mentions playing with Guy as kids, Grayson also mentions something similar about Roy and Sherry, Rio taking in Thoma from the orphanage as a child, Tinos also been serving Lynt for a long time but I'm not sure if its from childhood but Tino definitely reminisces on a younger Lynt

The valets are older than their princes an amount but in Jaspers book two it mentions specifically that Jasper is an older man

I don't think he's crazy older but maybe a good amount

Just to be clear I think MC is around 25 or something like that maybe a little older like 27

If Guy was around 10 when his mom died Jasper could've been a young teen maybe 14 or something

They did play together as kids so I think that age gap isn't too big

If they played together they could've been 8 and 4, I don't really have to consider when they were born too much because Jaspers birthday is in September, Guy's birthday in November, so they both have late birthdays

I'm gonna back track a little and say what if Aquia wasn't around at the time and Rahm hadn't married Roc yet

I kinda wanna talk about his relationship

I kinda wanna stick by Guy being around 10 when his mother died

If we assume Aquia actually wasn't around when Guys mother died and Rahm hadn't married into the royal family yet, when did Rahm come around and when was Aquia born

Min Avari is said to be Rocs favorite, and according to Rahm said she will always be his first queen

If Roc really was in love with her, how long until he moved on with Rahm?

Also let me just say Roc married Rahm because she knew Min. No other motives. I'm not gonna say anything else about that.

I think Addis Ira is an example of not needing a queen to run a kingdom but at the same time it's Addis Ira, can we really use him as an example for anything?🤨

Addis Ira essentially killed Lance's mom by knowingly letting her die of a very curable disease and I don't think they were ever together in the first place

Oh shit I just looked it up and apparently they were married damn😶😶 her name is Irina Ira (I just know she pretty😋)

Bruh if they were married why the fuck was she and Lance living in poverty for the first part of Lance's life⁉️⁉️⁉️ BRO WAS LIVING IN BEAT UP TENT IN THE DESERT WHILE HIS DAD WAS-- imma stop cus... imma stop

Uh anyway that's fucked up moving on...

But yea I don't think it's actually required to have a queen but Roc can definitely have more than one if he wanted to.

Roc went through a period of mourning after Guys mom died too cus I mean shit that's still his wife, mother of his child and literally his queen. According to Guy everything changed after his mother died

If Min truely was Rocs favorite, his first queen, how long was he mourning for? How long until he decided to bring another queen to the kingdom?? And is this where his ideology that all women want is power started??? Was every woman he met after that selfish??

Guy and Aquia are suposed to be close in age so it couldn't have been too long

What if Rahm actually was around but Aquia wasn't born yet?

There's still the possibility that Min and Rahm were queens at the same time Aquia could've just not been born yet

Whether he was still a little sperm swimming arround in Rocs balls or a fertilized egg marinating in Rahms coochie

It's less complicated to figure out if we just assume Aquia was around at the time

Cus then I'd have to infer when Rahm became queen, how long Rahm was was queen for or when Roc decided to slam shorty into the mattress so she's pregnant, absolutely fucking her up, drilling her shit, rearranging her reproductive system, truly messing up her coochie(that should've been mE😭‼‼) so Aquia can be born

That's alot of thinking and I don't wanna do it😋

So we'll assume Aquia was 7 and Guy was 10 when Min Avari died

Actually I'm gonna dub the ages down a bit hold on

I'm gonna say Aquia was 6, Guy was 9, so Jasper can probably be 13 at the time Min Avari died.

Going back up to the top then we can then assume Toa was 10 at the time, maybe 11 considering his birthday comes first

Now onto Zev

Zev's a tricky one cus we don't really know how he he fits into the rest of the lore or how big the age gap really is

He wasn't really around when Guys mom died but he's definitely grown enough to mingle in the same spaces with his brothers now without being told off

Definitely old enough to drink that's for sure

We don't even know the drinking age in Saligia hold up, all we know is that yup they are definitely old enough

His mother also is something of an anomaly

The third Queen of Avari

She has a name, I forget what it was but it starts with a T????? Trina???? Tori?????? I think it's something like that

The wiki says unknown mother but I remember someone said it was mentioned in a story and how she's super nice and stuff but don't take my word for it cus this me remembering a Discord chat about it

When did Zevs mom become queen and when was Zev born?

Yall I actually found the Discord messages💀💀

Zevs moms name is Torina. Torina Avari and according to Guy is the nicest person

Yall I was so close😭😭 I guessed Trina and Tori and then look her names Torina😼 all I had to do was combine them like💀

And shit if that's Guys opinion than she really must be nice fr and not 'irritatingly nice' actually nice, kind hearted" in his words

I think Roc has a type😶(except Rahm, Roc never truely loved Rahm, I don't even think he liked her either tbh)

I'm still tryna figure how the ideology that woman only want power came to fruition cus all Rocs wives have been good people, like I even think Rahm was good before she was filled with jealous rage

Like is he picking these women because they can raise his children for him or something??????????????????

Is this an ideology that's been in his head since before he married????? And if so all your wives are decent, why tell your son that woman are evil if you clearly love pum pum--

Is the fact that they married him the power what they wanted and they just good with that like are they like "alright I'm queen now, time to have this mans babies😋😋"

Also considering we got three sons already it's at this point determined Roc shoots out boy baby seeds into the vagina garden

And plus I think all three sons look like they mama too, idk what Min or Torina look like but I just know they sons like like them😌

Although Gilbert Qelsum shot 3 girl seeds before getting a boy so you never know

What do you think would happen if Roc was a girl dad😳😳

ANYWAY HOLY SHIT imma get back on track

Back on Zev(its me, I'm on Zev😈)

There isn't much lore surrounding Zev or specific moments in the backstory that specifically have Zev in them or moments with Zev that imply he was around during a certain time

So it's hard to draw certain conclusions

This I can say for sure(kind of) the age gap between Aquia and Zev is bigger than the age gap between Guy and Aquia

Unlike the two elder brothers Zev kinda just happened, like he was introduced and that was it, he's a character now and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if the circumstances of his birth were similar

Zev likely was unexpected or not entirely unplanned for, but that DOES NOT mean unwanted

Zev was most likely born after the events of the past have already gone and blown over or at least wasn't sentient at the time or too young to remember. Zev very much stomps to the beat of his own drum and is very expressive compared to his older siblings, and though he stays in Avari with his own duties in the kingdom rather than at the academy with Guy and Aquia he carries himself alot freeier than them if that makes any type of sense

No way he's without his own hardships or even his own traumas but like he was (probably) born after Guys mom had already died or too young to remember so the side of Guy that's closed off and cold and the side of Aquia that wants to follow Guy around like his shadow(as kids mind) is all he's really ever known

Even their dynamic as adults is like this, where Zev is very outgoing and loves flirting with woman and talking to people, whereas Guy is indifferent to crowd and find it somewhat of a bother, and Aquia doesn't mind the crowd but will probably stay close to Guy until told otherwise

However

Zev and Aquia are very similar in their admiration for Guy

They both want to stick by his side and gain his approval, of course they care about him as a brother too but Guy was also a prodigy, named notably gifted and very proficient at magic from a very young age and seems to be good at everything hes ever tried. For a little kid that's huge, it gives you something to look up to, something that you wish you could have even a fraction of and knowing you're related to him, that he's your older brother, that on it's own will build the basis of their hero worship for Guy, whether or not Guy pays mind to them or not

The only difference between Aquia and Zev is that Aquias admiration for Guy is very obvious but it's obvious in the way how Sherry can't cook but no one has the heart to tell her that she can't cook, but everyone knows that she cant cook💀

Except for Sherry.

I think Zev was born in the same decade as Guy and Aquia but later in the decade

Example using easy numbers, I inferred that Guy and Aquia are three years apart (9yrs and 6yrs) say Guy was born in the year 2000, Aquia would've been born 2003, I think Zev would've probably been born 2008 or something, 2009, those times there

Zev doesn't have a birthday so I can't really use that

Aquias born in August btw, he got a birthday when his consort path released on the jp server

But yeah that would make Zev 5-6 years younger than Aquia, 8-9 years younger than Guy

If Guy was 9 when his mom died and Aquia was 6, Zev probably wasn't born yet or was really super young, like freshly birthed young, wrinkly and raw fresh out the coochie kind of young

But if this was the case does that mean that all three queens were together at the same time?

If Guys mother was freshly 😵 and Rahm was already a queen for at least 6 years and Torina was queen for at least 9 months(a full term pregnancy) that would mean they've were queens at the same time together

Would that put them in the same category as sister wives😳😳

I can't even think to estimate how old they would be in the game currently cus time is so strange not to mention these mfs age slower because of the magic running through their veins like this magic shit is like some anti aging serum

These mf could well be 100 year old like

Cus haven't these bitches been at the academy for 10 years???????????????????

Dias been there for for his whole damn childhood, been thru all his godamn awkward phases at that godamn school, bros been there since he was 10 then became a student when he was old enough💀

LOU IS EVEN OLDER TOO

BRO WAS HEADMASTERING IT UP WHEN THE KINGS WERE STUDENTS THEMSELVES LIKE BRO IS A VAMPIRE 1800 YEARS OLD ASS BITCH

If we go with my example of Guy and them being born in the 2000s today in 2023 that would make Guy 22(because his birthday is in November) Aquia, 19(because his birthday is on the 22nd of August, so the end of this month) and Zev 15, we don't know his birthday so I can't even be specific

Those ages feel so wrong💀💀

If someone told me Guy was 22 I'd side eye the hell outta them because bro does not look 22💀

and also I literally wanna fuck Zev I SWEAR TO GOD I DON'T LIKE KIDS I SWEAR TO GOD THAT BOY IS NOT 15 THAT IS ALL TYPES OF NO

Plus Zevs old enough to drink, and not that underage drinking doesn't happen but if a 15 year old went to a bar they'd not even just get kicked out but have their mother called on them cus boy wtf you doing in a goddamn tavern🤨🤨

But I also chose those years because they're easy to work with, I am not good at math

But we have the foundation of the the ages and can flesh them out from there

Figuring out age gaps are the first step to figuring out their ages because then you know how far apart they are in age so no matter how old they are that fact is fixed

Let's make Guy 32

If Guy is 32, Toa is 33

If Guy is 32, Jasper is 36

Aquia would be 29

Zev would be 23

Those feel like more reasonable ages for them and if they really are hundreds of years old cus they're fucking thaumaturges just add a 0 at the end💀

This mf Jasper is 360 years old cuh😤😤

Yeah

I think imma stop here cus I been typing alot, this post is so long already

But yeah that's basically the long version of THE START of how you can interpret ages and you can flesh out the rest from this point and place the other characters around or in between them☆

When you really think about it

Guy, Aquia, and Zev are perfect examples oldest–middle–youngest sibling syndrome

Cus first of all Aquia gives such middle sibling energy

People really do not pay him no mind💀

If Aquia wasn't such a sweetheart he could really be out here in these streets and nobody would know and possibly not care and that actually kinda sad

People pleaser, especially in regards to Guy, he really just wants Guys attention and approval SIMPLY AS A BROTHER but doesn't think hes worthy of Guys attention because he admires him so much, hes really independent but hes good at making good friends/companions, he's something of a peacemaker I guess hes good at being a mediator I thinks, Aquias actually kinda shy and pretty complicit so he doesn't fit into the 'act out for attention' stereotype unless someone can prove me wrong

Aquia is quiet too, like have yall clocked how invisible Aquia would probably be without the Avari name attached to him

I think Zev is the only one that's really ever given him a chance to talk but at the same time Zev loves to talk and loves the attention

Zev annoying Guy and Jasper in the short stories

That literally has youngest sibling written all over it

I would know.

Definitely spoiled, just wants attention bruh, will annoy talk to his older brothers at any opportunity, very extroverted, open(bro has no filter), sense of humor of the family-- "You've gotten so big, how old are you? 18?" "I'm 23." feels like hes been the same age for too damn long

Also Zev is a whore(affectionate but also derogatory but in a "I care about you" criticism kind of way) the youngest child is often never truely seen as full grown or able to reach the same level as their older siblings and while I think theres other things going on in there as well as think it could be completely unrelated, I conspire that Zevs "leisure pursuits" are a way for him to 'grow up' a little faster

And then we have Guy

Specifically oldest son cus oldest daughter is a WHOLE different category.

Indifferent to most things at this point, stubborn, not very expressive, domineering, more or less tolerates his younger brothers but wont go out of his way to entertain them, but were the opportunity to arise and he thinks they deserve it hed take them out just for a brief respite cus they're still his baby brothers, entitlement, old enough to drink around parents and know the juicy family gossip with older folks, shows signs of narcissism, "When are you going to get married?"

Being a child prodigy of some sort dosen't help his case either💀

Like ok gifted kid😋😋

Let's be honest all three of these boys need to go to therapy💀

Well I think everyone can benefit from therapy--

But this family INCULDING RAHM AVARI‼ ESPECIALLY RAHM‼‼ they need some group therapy, family therapy in here

I feel like I have to talk about ages again💀

I've probably made 3 posts about how the fuck do you even perceive how old they are now I'm thinking about yk these three and what their age differences are implied to be but that in relation to the lore associated with this corner of Avari-- yall lemne stop before I go off on a tangent hold on

[agentsnickers]

just for fun, some sneak peeks at current wips:

1:

“Hello, everyone, I have an important announcement to make!” Race calls. Spot, who has at this point been married to Race for nearly two years, sighs heavily. “You do?” “We can swear in the house again!” Race announces. “Aisling Moira Conlon is officially a teenager!”

2:

“Look, I’m, like, sure there’s something going on,” Leah says, leaning forward on her elbows. “I have never seen two teachers not from the same class talk as much as Mr. Jacobs and Mr. Kelly.”

3:

Benny snorts, despite his best effort not to. “Right, of course. Could we tone down the sass?” “Uncle Les says I got a natural aptitude for sass,” says Leah. “Uncle Les needs to stop expanding your vocabulary if this is what he’s gonna do with it,” David grumbles.

4:

Kath got caught up in a conversation with Davey about sprinkles in beverages (he was adamantly against, but she asked for extra in an effort to cram as much sugar as possible into her coffee) almost immediately, both of them passionate even though the topic was basically nonsense.

5:

Confronting Pulitzer had been stupid, and he hadn’t even told Davey that was what he was planning to do, which meant that even yesterday afternoon he’d known it was stupid. Davey would’ve told him not to come.

[lnfours]

afterglow (1) | b.b

summary: your dad is getting called back to top gun, aka where bradley is. you haven’t seen him since before you left to live with your dad in san francisco. and he still looks the same, except for the mustache and the sunkissed tan, curtesy of the navy.

warnings: fluff, hangman being hangman, and some language.

wc: 3.6k (oops)

masterlist  | next | listen

you sighed softly to yourself as you stepped foot in the new house, a box in your hands as the movers moved past you. you were back in san diego after 5 years, your dad getting new orders that sent him back to top gun. 

you were happy to be back where you belonged, but deep down you were nervous to see bradley. you two had broken up a few months after your move to the mojave desert, a mutual decision being he was joining the navy and you were so far away. you two didn’t necessarily end on bad terms, but you two only sent messages that said ‘thinking of you’ when it was the anniversary of his dad/mom’s passing or a ‘happy birthday!’ text. 

you didn’t even mention to him that you were coming back, not knowing how to tell him the news. plus, he was busy being an aviator, it’s not like it was certain that he’d be stateside anyway. 

you had spent the day unpacking most of your things before your dad headed out to the base, meeting the admirals and going over his new orders. you decided to go out and explore the city you missed, learning about the new and hot spots in town when you came across the hard deck, stepping inside. 

“y/n mitchell? what the hell are you doing here?!” the woman behind the counter smiled at you. it took you a minute before your eyes widened and a smile fell to your lips. 

“penny? this is your place?” you laughed softly as she pulled you in a hug over the bartop. you hugged her back, still smiling. 

“yeah, i bought it a few years after you and your dad moved,” she smiled,”let me guess, he pissed off another admiral?”

you laughed,”on the nose.”

“can i get you something?” she asked. 

“just a beer, please,” you smiled and she nodded before reaching down into the small fridge under the counter, sliding it to you after opening it,”thank you.”

you went to fish out your wallet from your pocket, but she shook her head,”on the house. consider it a ‘welcome back’ gift.”

you smiled,”thanks, pen.”

“of course.”

she went back to tending to the guests that were slowly starting to file into the bar. you watched as two boys stood in front of the dart board, dressed in their navy uniforms. the one covered the other’s eyes in an attempt to get him to mess up his bullseye shot, but he still landed a perfect bullseye. 

you smiled softly as they laughed with each other, taking a sip of beer. you watched as a few boys at the pool table cheered the other two on, also dressed in navy uniforms. 

good to know this town is still crawling with aviators. 

soon, the bar was packed. you had finished your beer, but penny was quick to get you another one, insisting that it was on the house. she had even offered you a job closing the bar a couple nights a week so she could spend more time with amelia. you were quick to agree, wanting the cash so that you could pay back some school bills and save up to get your own place here. 

“bradshaw!” you heard a voice call and your eyes widened as your heart raced. you looked over towards the door, seeing a grown up bradley who now had a mustache and a golden tan, thanks to the navy. he was wearing a hawaiian button up with a white tank top underneath, blue jeans that were a little snug due to the muscle he put on since joining the navy. 

he looked good… really good.

you watched as he tucked his sunglasses to the top of his tank top, smiling as he walked over to the same group you had been watching earlier on. he smiled and talked to the girl who had her hair pulled back into a bun. they seemed close, and you couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that hit your heart as they smiled and laughed. 

“did you tell him you were back?” penny asked and you shook your head. 

“no,” you mumbled, fingers tracing the indents at the top of the beer bottle,”i didn’t even know if he would still be here. last time i knew, he wasn’t stateside.”

“he got back a little while ago,” she said,”you know, he hasn’t been the same since when you two were younger. don’t get me wrong, he’s still the same bradley, but it’s like a piece of him is missing.”

you shrugged,”i don’t know why, but we don’t talk.”

“you don’t?”

you nodded,”the breakup kind of put a damper on things.”

she sighed,”y/n, you’ve known bradley since you were little, and you’re telling me that you two stop being in each other's lives after a breakup?”

“yeah,” you shrugged,”i mean, i do miss him and all, but-“

“so? no buts, go talk to him!” she laughed, grabbing your hands,”trust me, the longer you wait to tell him you’re here the more he’ll be upset.”

you were about to say something but you stopped yourself when the music from the jukebox cut out, hearing the keys to the piano start to play. you looked over in the direction, seeing bradley sitting down at the piano. you smiled softly to yourself as he started playing the tune to the song you and him grew up listening to. it was your dad and goose’s song. 

there was a crowd that gathered around him as he started singing, and penny smiled at you before tending to more guests. you sat and listened to the song, wondering when he found the time to learn it on piano. 

and once his little show was over, you saw him making his way over to the bar. you ducked your head down, trying to hide your face as he squeezed in near you, smiling at penny. 

“hey, penny! how are you tonight?”

“good, bradley,” she smiled,”what can i get you?”

“just a beer please.” 

you made the mistake of looking up, penny handing him the beer as he scanned the place. he sure did grow into his features, and the mustache suited him, as did the muscles. 

his eyes locked with yours and you blushed softly, lips forming a tight smile as you fidgeted with your beer. he made his way over to you. 

“y/n? you’re back?”

you nodded,”new orders, just got here today.”

“you could’ve told me you were coming back,” he said, his facial features soft but his tone sounding hurt,”i would’ve liked to know.”

“i didn’t know you were stateside, let alone still here.”

he shrugged,”for now.”

you nodded and he turned in the direction as someone called his name. he sent them the signal to give him a minute before turning back to you. 

“wanna come meet some people? i bet you’d get along with phoenix.”

you shrugged,”sure.”

he offered you his hand as he led you through the crowd and back to the pool tables. you smiled as you approached the small group, bradley softly dropping your hand as you stood next to him.

“everyone, this is y/n. y/n, this is everyone.”

he introduced everyone to you, shaking their hands and smiling softly and saying ‘nice to meet you’s.

“rooster here has said a lot about you.” the girl, phoenix, smiled and you let out a soft laugh.

“good things, i hope.”

she nodded,”all good things.”

“so how do you know good ol’ rooster, here?” the blonde with the darts, hangman, asked. 

“grew up together,” you smiled,”my dad flew with his dad in the navy way back when we were kids.”

“your dad?” payback asked and you nodded. 

“captain pete mitchell-“ you didn’t have a chance to finish until someone mentioned your dads callsign.

“maverick?!” fanboy asked,”your dad is maverick?!”

you let out a laugh,”yeah.”

“holy shit, maverick has a kid.” fanboy said and you smiled softly. 

“so what, did you follow your dad's footsteps?” hangman asked again, just full of questions. 

“no,” you smiled,”i just graduated from USD, actually. i don’t think i could ever do what you guys do, takes a lot more balls than i have.”

phoenix shrugged,”it’s not that bad.”

the rest of the night went on with you getting to know everyone, but mainly holding conversations with bob and phoenix. bradley didn’t talk much, his eyes trained on you as he watched you mingle with everyone. 

part of him was upset that you didn’t tell him you were coming back, but the other part understood. he didn’t make much effort to talk to you, either. he was part of the reason to blame. 

once everyone started filing out, bradley walked up to you with his keys in his hand. 

“do you need a ride?”

“no, it’s okay, my place isn’t far. i can walk.” you smiled softly.

he shook his head,”no, you’re not walking. c’mon.” 

he grabbed your hand softly as he pulled you behind him, bidding a goodnight from the rest of the group who was still sticking around. you waved goodbye, saying the last ‘nice to meet you’ before hangman let out a whistle. 

“okay, rooster!”

bradley replied with a simple middle finger gesture, shaking his head as he led you out of the bar and outside. you smiled softly as he led you to the blue bronco. 

“you still have this thing?” you asked, fingers dancing along the side of it.

“yep, and she still runs just like the day i got her,” he smiled, opening the passenger side door for you before nodding his head towards the seat,”i bet if you look through the center console one of your hair ties is still there.”

you smiled and let out a soft laugh, thanking him before he closed the door for you. he got in on his own side, starting up the car as you told him where to go.

“b, i'm sorry i didn’t tell you i was coming back,” you said,”i just didn’t think you’d want to see me after what happened.”

he shrugged,”it’s okay. it’s kind of my fault that we haven’t talked much, too. but, you’re here now, right? no better time like the present.”

you smiled,”i suppose.”

he parked the bronco as you looked at the driveway, seeing your dad wasn’t home still,”did you wanna come in for a little? my dad isn’t home yet, and i could use some help moving some heavy boxes.”

he laughed,”sure.”

he turned the engine off and hopped out, closing your door for you as you tried to get out. you laughed softly, telling yourself you should know better than try to open the door yourself as he opened it for you.

“you must’ve forgotten my rule,” he said,”no woman ever has to open a door herself, especially not my car door.”

you laughed,”it’s been so long i guess it slipped my mind.”

he followed you up the front steps as you unlocked the door, laughing softly,”now that you’re back hopefully it gets embedded a little quicker.”

you rolled your eyes playfully, opening the door wide enough to let him in behind you. you closed it as he looked around, seeing the boxes stacked up by the staircase. 

“i’m guessing these are the boxes?”

you tucked the flyaway hairs behind your ear,”yeah.”

he leaned down and picked one up, mumbling under his breath.

“jesus christ,” he said,”what do you have in here?”

you laughed, leading him up the stairs,”books. and don’t act like it’s so hard for you. what do you lift now? like 280?”

“close, 270.” he smiled and you let out a playfully scoff before opening your bedroom door. 

“you can just sit it down here,” you said, pointing over to the other boxes,”thanks.”

he hummed a response,”let me grab the other ones.”

and with a few more trips up the steps, all the boxes were sitting in a pile. you sighed as he stood behind you.

“i hate moving.”

he let out a laugh,”i know,” he walked over to one of the boxes,”want some help?”

“are you sure? i feel bad for asking.”

“well, you didn’t ask. i did.”

“bradley-“

“yes or no?” he asked, a playful smile sitting on his lips. 

“if you insist.” you motioned to the boxes. he fished the pocketknife out of his pocket, cutting the tape off before taking out the contents, handing them to you since he didn’t know where their place belonged. 

“so,” you started,”rooster, huh? how’d that happen?”

he chuckled,”i’m always the first one awake.”

you nodded,”you are very much a morning person.”

“and you’re very much not,” he laughed and you swatted his arm with a shirt,”no, but you know, i like to get a little work out in to start my day, so i’m always up before everyone else.”

“bless the soul who has to live with you.” you joked and he shrugged. 

“that’s the best part of living alone.” 

you turned to him, eyebrow raised,”no one at all? not even a dog?”

he shook his head,”no, not really. haven’t had time. i haven't even really been dating, either.”

you nodded,”me either.”

a small, but comfortable, silence fell over the both of you as you put your books away. he held a picture frame in his hands looking down at it. 

“you still have this?” he asked, a small smile on his face. the picture was of the two of you when you were younger, smiling with your parents. your dad had asked ice to take a picture at one of the parties he threw.

“it’s one of my favorites, actually,” you said,”your mother looks beautiful, as always, my mom was still in the picture, and your dad was still alive. it’s like the one picture where everything was perfect.”

he nodded,”until it wasn’t.”

you sighed,”yeah,” you grabbed the picture from him,”but i like to have the reminder that at one point it was.”

he nodded, moving the empty box with the rest of the others. his eyes fixed onto you as you organized things to make them look how you wanted. he noticed the small locket around your neck and he smiled softly to himself. 

“and you still wear the locket.” he pointed out and you reached down at the cool metal, nodding.

“never really take it off.” you chuckled. he nodded, sitting down on your bed as you sat down next to him, leg accidentally bumping his.

“i’m sorry for ghosting you,” he said,”and i know you were only reciprocating the same energy you were getting. the truth is, is that i didn’t know how to live without you.”

“i didn’t know how to live without you either,” you said softly, eyes meeting his,”and i didn’t want to.”

“do you still want to?” he asked, his eyes moving from your eyes to your lips. you sucked in a nervous breath. 

before you had the chance to answer, the front door closed followed by your dad calling to you as he walked up the stairs. you jumped apart from bradley, standing up as he walked into the room. 

“hey, dad.”

“hey, mav.”

your dad smiled at bradley, giving him a hug,”hey, bradley. i thought that was your car out front. surprised you still have it.”

he let out a chuckle before hugging your dad back,”yeah, she still runs.”

the two men laughed softly before you interjected. 

“bradley and i had bumped into each other at the hard deck. he gave me a ride home and helped me with the boxes that were at the end of the steps.” you smiled. 

“well that was very nice,” your dad smiled,”i’m gonna get some sleep, gotta be up and outta here early in the morning.”

“goodnight, dad.” you smiled as he placed a kiss on your forehead. 

“goodnight. see you, bradley.” he smiled before heading up the stairs himself. you sighed softly when you heard his bedroom door shut, turning back to bradley. 

“sorry, i didn’t expect him to be home so soon.”

“don’t worry about it,” he chuckled,”i should probably get going anyway.”

you didn’t even think, just let the words slip past your lips,”or you can stay? we can catch up, watch a movie? i might still have some of your old clothes somewhere in this mess.”

you motioned to the boxes of clothes, and he chuckled.

“i don’t want to interrupt your beauty sleep in the morning.”

“oh, shut up,” you laughed,”i’d have to hear my dad’s alarm anyway.”

he sighed before putting his keys down on the dresser,”okay, fine. you win.”

you smiled softly, turning to the boxes before fishing out one of his old shirts and a pair of sweatpants he left at your house. 

“hopefully these still fit.” you laughed and he smiled.

“i guess we’ll find out.”

he walked into the connected bathroom, changing into the clothes. you took the time to change into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. he opened the door, sweatpants sitting lowly on his hips as he held the shirt in his hands. 

“yeah, the shirt is a no go. you should probably keep it.” he laughed and you smiled, putting it back on top of the boxes. 

“kinda figured that would happen,” you said as your eyes looked over his toned body,”i mean, look at you.”

“stop boosting my ego.”

you laughed,”my bad, my bad.”

after a little while, you both were under the blankets in your bed, scrolling through netflix on your tv. he would steal glances at you as you tried to pick a movie. 

“you never answered my question,” he said and you raised an eyebrow before looking over at him,”do you still want to live life without me?”

“no. not at all,” you said and a small smile fell onto his lips,”to be honest, i missed you. i guess i was scared to tell you i was here because i didn’t know if you had just moved on and forgotten all about me.”

he shifted so he was laying on his side, his arm holding his head up,”i could never, ever, forget about you.”

he reached forward and brushed a piece of hair out of your face. you smiled softly at the gesture, a silent thank you. 

you reached out and played with the dog tags that laid against his chest. you traced the engraving that said his name and his callsign. 

“like ‘em?” he joked and you smiled, laughing softly. 

“i always found myself worrying about if you were coming home,” you said,”and the fact that we weren’t really talking and i wouldn’t even know if you made it back home after one of your deployments broke me.”

his face softened,”i told phoenix about you. every time i was shipped out i told her to let you know if something were to happen to me. i even gave her your number and your old address.”

you looked up at him,”really?”

he nodded,”she’d always tell me that i’d make it back home to tell you myself, but i know she secretly held onto it. she knows i’d haunt her in the afterlife if she didn’t.” 

you smiled and you didn’t realize how close the both of you had gotten, his face inches away from yours. you swallowed thickly, looking up in his eyes as he smiled back down at you.

“did i mention how good you look?” he asked and you blushed. 

“you look good, too, roos.” you smiled, not really thinking about the fact that you had called him by his callsign. he felt his heart race at you calling him rooster, the way you said it made his heart go crazy.

he wasn’t even thinking as he placed a hand under your chin to look back up at him. you smiled, seeing his eyes flicker from your lips and back to your eyes. you didn’t say anything, but you leaned in, letting him meet you halfway as he rested his forehead on yours. 

“i’ve missed you so much,” he said lowly,”so fucking much that it hurts.”

your nose bumped into his,”i’ve missed you too.”

that’s all he needed to hear before he was leaning down the rest of the way and softly kissing you. you kissed him back, arms wrapping around his neck as he rolled over on top of you, hands going to your waist. his dog tags scraped against your chest, the cool metal sending shivers down your spine. 

“i’m not letting you go this time.” he mumbled softly as you played with the hairs on the back of his neck.

“you better not.”

--

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