#and 12-17 years old go on so hard on those things like ??

[sataron]

children are so fucking weird i hate the fact that i was one at some point

[b38rman]

SLOW MOTION, DOUBLE-VISION ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡☾ ﾟ｡⋆ Ollie Bearman

tags - ollie bearman x afab!reader, childhood friends to lovers, reader is in uni, light angst, eventual smut (with feelings), explicit sexual content

synopsis - No matter how many years passed by, it was glaringly obvious that you would never admit to yourself that you’d always wished for Ollie to be the one for you. It was hard back then, and it was even harder now. (OR: Your head knew that your childhood best friend would never be the one for you. Your heart just hadn’t realized it yet.)

rating - explicit

warnings - 18+ minors dni, slight angst (a little bit of arguing), explicit sexual content, unprotected sex

a/n - very obviously inspired by gold rush by taylor swift. ollie IS gold rush to me. highly recommend listening to it while thinking of him.

Whenever Ollie ran, you would chase him. Whether it was through his garden, between classrooms, or around your dinner table, you'd been doing it ever since you could remember. 

That was until he ran far, far away from you to Italy—of course you wouldn't follow (no matter how badly you wanted to.)

It was amidst this chase when you realized that no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop longing for him. You'd known this since you were 12 years old, when he grinned from the pew next to you as he caught you falling asleep during a church sermon. After that, you couldn't stop realizing the squeeze in your chest when you made him laugh, or the way he'd look at you at the end of a karting race, and how he'd thank you on those days like your company meant more than the accolades he was collecting. 

At 16 and 17, when he'd just moved and you'd already begun preparing for university, you'd try to keep in contact regularly. You'd watch as your laptop screen filled with the smile that had made your knees weak even from a thousand miles away and promptly force yourself to shut down those feelings.

"Hey you." He'd say, like he always did. "Hi. How was work today?" You'd answer, and he'd beam before talking your ear off for an hour or two, or until he decided he was too tired to keep going. 

Many times you wished you could reach through the screen and trace the freckles on his cheeks. You longed for the certainty of knowing how they felt under your fingertips.

On these calls, you knew that he just needed someone to listen to him. It wasn't that you weren't genuinely interested in what he was saying—of course you were—it was just that maybe your life was getting so bland that you had nothing to share with him, or that all of those things paled in comparison to what he was doing. The distance was far greater than the mileage separating both of you.

"Good night Ollie, sleep tight." You'd say at the end of one of these calls, watching his eyes blink slowly, indicating that he was already drifting off.

"You aren't telling me something." He answered. You felt your stomach twist.

I miss you, was definitely on your mind. I love you and I want you here were more self indulgent options for sure.

"I'm telling you everything." It was a white lie, but you couldn't think of what else to say to that.

You watched as Ollie's face dropped and shifted into an expression you couldn't read. He paused to take a moment, before going back to his own sleepiness.

"Good night." And the screen faded to black.

Over time, the calls became less and less frequent. It was sad, honestly; you went from seeing him basically everyday to feeling like you were barely a part of his life. Ultimately, though, it became clear how you were worlds apart from each other, especially since he stopped coming home for holidays and birthdays, and you didn't have the time to visit Modena no matter how many times you'd promised that to him in the past.

You existed on different planets—entirely different dimensions and planes of reality. He could pick and choose between celebrities and Instagram models, and you were stuck highlighting textbooks living from deadline to deadline.

That was until you got the call. 

“Ollie’s coming home.” Your mom said as soon as you picked up. You were cycling from one building to another between your classes and had three missed calls from her already. 

“What?” You hoped the shock surfacing in your voice wasn’t that obvious, considering how jarring it was in comparison to your mom’s excitement. 

“Yes! Come home for the weekend, it’ll be just like old times.” Your mom answered, thankfully not detecting your nerves.

It would be like old times, but this Ollie  wasn’t. You didn’t know what to do with that. What you were sure of though, is Ollie wasn’t running anymore—and you weren’t sure if that meant you had to stop chasing him too.

Ollie was standing behind his parents when you arrived at their house. It felt surreal, like you were undergoing some kind of half-dream, half-deja vu state. After greeting his parents with the usual pleasantries about how university is treating you and how you grow up so fast, you finally got to lay eyes on Ollie after three whole years. 

All you could see in that moment was him. It was like your mind fell silent and the only sound that cascaded through your body was that of your heart pounding against your ribcage.

In front of him, you were five, twelve, sixteen, and nineteen all at once. 

The silence felt like it lasted a lifetime, but he pulled you in before he could say a word.

The world went silent as you closed your eyes and let yourself stay in that moment. It was as if his parents and little brother weren't in the doorway with you—as if the world was your hometown and Modena was universes away.

"I missed you." Ollie said so earnestly your body was going to explode. He buried his face in your hair and you swore he was a few inches taller than he was when he left you.

"Me too." You replied into his chest, trying to breathe through how overwhelming everything was.

You were on your phone, lying in Ollie's twin-sized mattress, perfectly preserved like a sacred relic from your childhood. You'd remember nights when you'd snuggle together, his touch like a comforting anchor amidst seas that he could calm with his hand. You wondered if it was the same as it had always been. Would it be different now? Was it different now?

You glanced above the screen to watch Ollie reassembling his simulator in silence. It was comfortable, with the only air of awkardness coming from the elephant standing in the corner of the room; that being you not being on conversational terms previously despite being 'best friends.'

"Need help?" You asked, as you watched Ollie furrow his brows at some part that looked like any other part, which was confusing in itself but you were willing to help anyway. 

"No, all good." He chewed his bottom lip, clearly still frustrated and at a loss at what to do. 

You pursed your lips together and calmly asked a second time, "You sure?"

"Yes! I told you I didn't need your help the first time. Why aren't you listening to me?" Ollie let go of the parts he was holding, opting instead to press his eyes into his palms. "It used to be so easy to have you around, I just can't figure out why it's so different now."

"Well maybe it's because you're different now, Ollie." You couldn't help but raise your voice back at him as your heart pounded for entirely different reasons now.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe you were the one who stopped talking to me." His eyes pierced through you, but his glare was so obviously laced with hurt. It hurt you too—of course it did. 

You took a deep breath before replying. 

"You could literally pick any other girl to talk to, I don't know why what I do matters so much to you." You felt the tears well up in your eyes as you tried to stop your voice from fraying at the send of your sentence. You closed your eyes and covered your face in an attempt to stop the tears, but that proved futile as the warm wet streaks soon lined your face.

You felt the side of the bed dip and a hand reach out to gently touch the hands on your face. 

"Hey, I'm sorry, look at me." He wrapped his calloused hand around your wrist and exposed your red, splotchy face in all its glory to him. "You know me, you know I don't care about—" Ollie gestured loosely with one hand "—them. Besides, none of them will ever be you."

You tried not to overthink his statement too much as he moved his hand from his wrist to your cheek, then to your forehead. You held your breath as he leaned forward to press a kiss on your forehead, then down to your right cheek. You felt all the air exit your lungs as he pressed his forehead to yours, so impossibly close to you.

Growing up, you'd always wondered what it would be like to study how perfect every freckle and feature on his face was. Now that it was happening, the overwhelming glimmer in his eyes barely gave away that none of this was a pipe dream that you'd imagined from too many days away from him.

"Can I—" Ollie started. 

You grabbed his chin and smashed your lips together, taking him by surprise before he could even finish his sentence. People describe kissing to be like fireworks going off in your belly, or like butterflies swarming—however, there were no butterflies or fireworks, because those things couldn't even come close to what you were feeling. 

The kiss was hard and deep and neverending. It wasn’t the kind of kiss that came from years of anticipation—it was something else entirely; gentler, more deliberate. You felt Ollie’s hand slide to your waist, pulling you closer as though he was afraid you might disappear. Every inch of space that had once stretched between you over the years seemed to fold in on itself, leaving only the heat of his lips on yours and the sound of your uneven breaths filling the room.

“Ollie,” you whispered against his mouth when you finally pulled away, your voice barely audible. His name hung in the air like a confession.

He looked at you, his eyes filled with something raw, and you almost wished you could look away from how immense it was. “I mean it,” he murmured. “None of them will ever be you.”

Your chest tightened, the weight of those words nearly leading you to collapse. You didn’t need him to explain further because it made sense now. From the moment he grinned at you in that church pew, to the countless video calls where his smile never quite reached his eyes anymore, and even now as his thumb brushed gently across your cheek—it all made sense.

But there was still a sliver of fear inside you. “What happens when you leave again?” you asked softly. Your hand found its way to his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heart beneath your palm. “What happens to us then?”

Ollie let out a shaky breath, his forehead pressing against yours again. “I don’t know,” he admitted honestly. “But I do know that I can’t keep pretending it doesn't feel like this to me. I can’t keep running away from this—away from you.”

His words hit you like a tidal wave. For years, you’d chased him, only to stop when you thought he’d never look back. But here he was, tethering himself to you with a kind of sincerity that was so intense it was just on the verge of too much. 

You didn’t say anything more. Instead, you let yourself kiss him again—this time slower, more intentional. His lips moved against yours like he was committing every moment to memory, like he didn’t want to forget a single second of this.

Eventually, the kiss deepened, and his hands roamed cautiously over your back, your waist, like he was overriding the memories he had of you with this one. You felt the mattress shift as he pulled you down with him, your body fitting against his as though it had always been meant to. The warmth of his hands against your skin grounded you, making you feel like this wasn’t just a dream.

“Ollie,” you breathed his name again, your voice trembling as his lips found your jaw, your neck. “I’ve waited so long for this.”

“So have I,” he confessed between kisses, his voice husky and filled with need. “You have no idea how long.”

You stayed on your sides, your head spinning as you continued to kiss. Maybe it was the oxygen that you were losing from kissing for this long, or maybe it was how high you were on the fact that Ollie felt the same way about you. Either way, you knew where this was leading, and you could barely believe that it was happening here, in Ollie's bedroom. You couldn't figure out if it felt sacred or if it unlocked certain fantasies that you didn't dare indulge in. 

Ollie was the one who made the first move, daring to move his warm, calloused hands over your ribcage, tantalizingly close to your breasts. "Please, Ollie," you brought your mouth away from his for a moment to plead. "Need you." You said, punctuated by you moving his hands under your bra. 

You shuddered under his touch as his hand rubbed across your nipples, leading you to jerk your hips forward into the growing hardness in his pants. You knew the moan he let out would fill your ears and mind with yearning long after this.

You toyed with the hem of his shirt as both your movements grew more and more desperate, and that cued Ollie to rid of his shirt altogether. You followed suit with your shirt and bra, making sure to spend enough time admiring just how beautiful all of him was, like he himself was chiseled out of the marble they used to make the statues of demigods.

"You're staring." He said smugly, eyes glistening with mischief and warmth. You chuckled back at him. 

"Well I'm sorry." The apology came out sounding snarky and sarcastic, and it was Ollie's turn to laugh.

"You aren't though." Ollie quipped back before diving into your neck once again, licking and biting just to get some noises out of you. 

He then helped you out of your shorts and underwear, seemingly desperate to run his fingers through your folds. "Fuck, you're so wet for me." You gasped as he ran his fingers over your clit and your hole, spreading your wetness around. 

Ollie made quick work of his own pants and boxers, and you indulged him by wrapping your hands around his dick, hard and leaking pre-cum. After you gave him a few experimental pumps, he was relenting. "Ah—wait—don't want to cum yet." 

Soon after, your hand was replaced by Ollie's as he guided his length into you, inch by inch. He had one hand at the base of his dick, and the other holding your knee up, making the angle better and ensuring that you were properly open for him to lay all of his love into. 

You didn't even have time to think after he bottomed out inside you, because soon after he was setting a pace that could only be described as relentless, like he was trying to repent for the years you'd waited. You couldn't help the moans that escaped your mouth as he pounded into you. 

You held on to him as he laid into you, whimpering as sweat began to form on his brow. 

"Tell me," He said, breathless as the room was filled with the sounds of skin against skin, "Tell me you love me." 

Your heart felt like it was bursting at the seams. "I love you—God, fuck—I love you."

With that, Ollie was burying himself deep into you and reaching his climax, painting your insides with pearly white rivulets. You were not far behind, clenching and cumming around his cock as he ground the last of his orgasm into you. 

As soon as Ollie pulled out, he was grabbing napkins from his bedside table, cupping a wad of them at your entrance as his cum seeped out of you. He seemed focused on it though, how you were practically dripping with his release and yours. 

"I could get used to this." Ollie's breathing turned heavy.

"You're kind of nasty." You replied playfully, shifting the mood as he cleaned you up.

"You love it." He joked, but you knew there was more behind that. 

"Almost as much as I love you." You followed up, laying a kiss on his flushed cheek. 

For the first time in years, you didn’t feel like you were chasing him anymore. He was here—grounded, steady, and most importantly, yours alone.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

PRIDE MONTH PROMPTS 2024

They are here!!

Last year I released them in May, and I asked you when I should release it this year. You agreed I should release it early/mid april. And I think the perfect time is now! You have plenty of time to prepare your things for June!

So, here are 30 prompts, 1 prompt per day, for all of June! Use them for writing, or for art, or why not for something else creative you can come up with?

I will now write all the prompts in the list if it's hard to read, plus some explanations/suggestion what you can do for them.

Day 1. Actually, I'm not straight. Someone kicking off pride month by telling their nearest and dearest that they aren't straight, like everyone seems to think!

Day 2. Surprise! We're dating! A couple comes out to their friends ;)

Day 3. Early signs. Early signs someone was not straight, or not cis. Or both!

Day 4. Gender euphoria. Euphoooooriaaaaa forever to end of time /j Ok no but yeah, someone experiencing gender euphoria :) It's great :)

Day 5. Surprise! We're engaged! Surprise engagement! Did people even know they were dating?

Day 6. Proposal. You can choose to show the proposal for the couple at day 5... or a brand new couple! :D

Day 7. Pride flags. Are they making pride flags? Buying pride flags? Identifying pride flags? So much you can do! :)

Day 8. Prideful baking. A return from last year! Who's baking? Are they doing it with pride? Are they making rainbow cakes? This is also a way to make some ships be cute together as they bake.

Day 9. Wedding. To quote Sam from Glee: "YEAH! COME ON GUYS! GAY MARRIAGE GOOD!"

Day 10. Shenanigans at the Pride Parade. Time to let those characters run wild at the pride parade!

Day 11. Coming out as trans. Pretty self explanatory I think ;)

Day 12. Planning for a child. Two women, two men, maybe a trans couple... any not-cishet couple are planning for a child <3 Are they adopting? IVF? However they're doing it, they're gonna get that child :)

Day 13. Two moms. Two mommies thriving with their kiddos!

Day 14. Are they dating or not? People are speculating the relationship of some people.

Day 15. First crush. Aww, someone's first crush! Have they ever felt this before?

Day 16. Alternate universe. Go crazy with this! This could mean anything from "a universe in which this ship is canon" to "they live in a fantasy world". Do whatever!

Day 17. Realizing they're ace. Self explanatory ;)

Day 18. Two dads. Two daddies on request (Sorry I've watched too much of Papás por encargo (Daddies on request) to not make that joke). They'll do anything for the kids!

Day 19. I thought everyone liked both? What??? They don't?????

Day 20. Fruity sleepover. Anything and everything can happen at a sleepover!

Day 21. Pining. They pine so hard and yet... will their crush ever notice?

Day 22. Secret dating. Or are they as they secret as they think? How much chaos do they end up in to keep this?

Day 23. Dinner. Maybe just a normal dinner in a queer friendgroup. Or maybe someone coming out at dinner. Maybe the first dinner at their partner's house. Or maybe someone's making dinner for their loved one.

Day 24. Confession. Coming out confession? Confession to your crush? Just a confession about your favorite food in the middle of a pride parade? Yeah, you decide!

Day 25. Date. THEY'RE ON A DATE THE BABIES!!! Is it a good date? I hope so!

Day 26. Gender is a construct. Not everything is binary.

Day 27. Queer group meeting. You can toy around with this a lot. A group meeting with closeted gays? A group meeting with every character from your different fandoms that you headcanon as bi that you want to interact in the group meeting for disaster bi's? A group meeting for aces just vibing? Maybe we'll meet a lot of different groups!

Day 28. Accidental coming out. Oops!

Day 29. Alternate time period. You want to play out a little love story but instead they live in the 1950s? Or maybe they live in the future! Maybe they live in the medieval times! Woah!

Day 30. Growing old together. Look at them now. Who knew they'd find each other in the world and now they're here?

I hope I'm gonna see some of you in pride month! It's always a pleasure! Also, when the time comes in June, and you want to use one of these prompts, don't forget to tag me ;)

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 786: Acceleration at full throttle!!

Pag 1

2: Now

3: Do I go?

4: Soon

How's your condition, Manami?

Mhh, if I had to say

5: I'm in perfect condition

Pag 2

1: Hakogaku's Manami went ahead for the first day's mountain!!

Pag 3

1: Seriously!? What's with that speed!?

He took advantage of the right curve where the group was stretched out!!

He accelerated in an instant!!

2: He's really gonna climb!? The Sky Prince!?

Does gravity not work on him only!?

Pag 4

1: Soo

That guy is so fast!

Waa is he so light!?

2: reeee

3: He suddenly got away!! Dammit!! Chase him!! Go!!

No, there's no one who'll be able to chase after him!!

Pag 5

3: Except for the Mountain King!!

4: Hakogaku number 13 jumped ahead, teh!!

Pag 6

1: I'm going to accelerate at full throttle!!

2: Onoda!!

3: Onoda-san!!

4: Onoda-san!!

Pag 7

1: Onoda-san's cadence is going up!!

5: Onoda-kun!!

Pag 8

1: Go with all your might!! Will-power injection!!

Pag 9

1: Okay!! Thank you, Naruko-kun!!

Pag 10

1: I'm going!!

Pag 11

1: Aaaaaaagh

Pag 12

1: Mountain King went ahead!!

He's so fast, what's with that speed!!

With his cadence I can't see his legs!!

2: Everyone, really, thank you so much for sending me out

3: I got this at the supply point earlier, a cold bottle of water!!

4: Leave him gaping this time!!

I'll use the old one

Okay!! Thank you!!

Pag 13

1: He's so fast!!

2: Run with all your heart

4: Don't worry about what happens behind

Pag 14

1: Imaizumi-kun, Naruko-kun, Danchiku-kun, Kaburagi-kun, Rokudai-kun – everyone pushed my back...

3: It's the Mountain King!!

Just now Hakone Academy passed... is he chasing him!?

It's Sohoku's Onoda!!

His legs' rotation is incredible!

They're both so fast!!

4: Mountain King chasing Manami...!?

Pag 15

1: It's intense!!

2: Oi, those two just now!!

That's right, they're last year's finalists!!

And the finalists of the year before too!!

3: Seriously... they're already... going out now...!?

For the “mountain” of the first day of the Inter High, those two....!!

Pag 16

1: It's a destined battle!!

Pag 17

3: I got scared....

4: Suddenly Hakogaku got here... and it's Manami, too!!

I got scared, but then he stopped accelerating...!?

5: Wahahaha Manami Sangaku isn't worth fearing!!

Pag 18

1: I was on alert because he caught up with me at lightning speed but then he quickly lost pace!!

That means he worked too hard and reached his limit!!

2: Coming here on your own was a mistake, Manami Sangaku!! Wahahaha

I'm IitsukaYorimasa from the prestigious Fukuoka Josei!! Climber!!

3: I thought about it!! And my nickname will be “mountain shogun”!!

Pag 19

1: And this mountain will be my home, my “castle”

Manami, today I'll get your “neck”!!

2: Sorry but could you please be quiet?

3: I'm listening

To the sound of cheering, and the swaying of trees, and the chirping of the cicadas

5: And mixed with all of this, I'm listening

6: to the sound of wheels

Pag 20

1: Wahahaha, wheels!? The sound of wheels!?

I don't hear it, I don't hear such a thing!! That would mean that there's someone else who's catching up!? Someone like that...

2: No way, wahahaha

4: I hear it

[qedart]

Time Warp AU - #14 Well this update just didn't want to come together. But finally it's done (all 8K+ of it 😬) and I'm actually rather happy with how it turned out. So I hope you all enjoy this offering of Pete emotional H/C with a side of parental Icemav.

Honestly, Pete had never really got the big deal about birthdays. Sure, when he was little they seemed important. They’re supposed to, when you’re young. But he wasn’t a child anymore. 

He’d learned a long time ago that simply managing to make it through the year wasn’t exactly cause for celebration. A few rounds of people forgetting, ignoring, or scoffing at him for waiting for some kind of acknowledgment of the date had made it all very clear to him - nobody gives a damn about stuff like that, and you look pathetic if anybody catches on that you might. 

So he didn’t. Doesn’t. 

For the longest time now, the only real significance that that day held for him was as a marker of his being one year closer to independence. Living with Mav and Ice, even that didn’t provide the same spiteful satisfaction that it once had. 

These days, he didn’t count down the months until he was free of the people he found himself in the midst of. Quite the opposite really. Ice, Maverick, Tom, the Daggers, the uncles… they were good people. Good, kind, safe people - and they actually seemed to like Pete being around. 

Nothing lasts forever though, of course. He knew that. He was well aware that he was one big screw up away from blemishing whatever image they all had of him, one proper misstep from sending the whole house of cards he’d built around himself from falling to the ground in one way or another. And he was well overdue for one of those mistakes. Unfortunately, it was an inevitability. The sky is blue. Water is wet. Pete Mitchell messes up nice things. 

He tried not to let it bother him too much. 

It was better to just live in the moment, and at this particular moment he had far bigger concerns than inevitabilities or the fact that he was turning 17 in a week. The chief among them - Maverick was turning 60. 

Unlike Pete’s birthday, that was something significant. That was important. That was worthy of celebration. 

Up until this whole time-warp fiasco went down, Pete would have put money on him (any version of him) not making it past 30. 60 was double that! It demanded celebration, even if Mav himself had developed a habit of referring to the subject of his age merely as ‘the situation’.

So when Ice suggested a little lunchtime get-together by the Hard Deck the coming Saturday ‘for the birthday we’ve got coming up’, he agreed that it was a fantastic idea. 

“Penny’s got a barbecue there that we could use I’m pretty sure,” Tom chipped in over his cereal. 

“Nice. I’ll be there if there’s food,” Pete grinned as he made a bowl for himself. 

Tom rolled his eyes. 

“You were going to be there anyway, numb-skull.”

“Boys, please,” Ice sighed, before Pete could return fire. “I’ve not had my coffee yet, let’s just hold off on the bickering for a little while longer.”

Pete sniffed when Tom promptly shot him an exceedingly smug smirk. 

“I’d get drinking if I were you.”

“Pete.”

“Fine,” Pete huffed, before turning back to Ice. “The beach sounds great though. Want us to bring anything?”

“Just yourselves,” Ice replied, shaking his head. “Mav and I will sort out the logistics.”

And that was that. Party at the beach to celebrate Mav’s 60th, be there at 12. Sorted. 

The rest of the week went by like normal, for the most part. He was asked if he was excited about the party a bit more often than he expected he would be, but he figured it was just people making conversation. He and Tom spent most of Thursday trying to find the old man a fitting birthday present. 

“You’ve seen the hanger! How are we supposed to top that?!”

“I think we should probably start by setting our sights a little lower.”

In the end they decided to both go in on a new camera, figuring it was the most affordable of Mav’s hobbies to tap into. 

When the day itself eventually did roll around, Pete was up and out of bed by dawn. Not due to excitement, and not due to any additional birthday gestures like he’d been contemplating (a fry up was always a good start to the day, after all), no - due to Tom. 

“We’re going for a ride and you’re going to enjoy it,” he announced the second Pete woke (with a start, thanks to the other boy dropping his riding jacket and boots on top of him). “Up and at ‘em.” 

“But what about Mav’s-?”

“We’ll see him at the party, I’ve left a note,” Tom announced, grabbing the end of Pete’s quilt and dragging it out of the room with him. “Mush.”

“I hate you!”

“Hate me on the move. There is breakfast with our name on it somewhere.” 

“Ugh!” 

The ride, annoyingly, was fantastic. The roads were mostly clear, and riding with Tom was always a blast. Tom even bought him breakfast and a couple of pastries for after (“It’s your birthday, idiot. Of course I’m shouting”). It was… well, nice. Pete didn’t care about birthdays, he really didn’t, but even still… it was just nice. Sitting at the look out, munching on the food his best friend had bought for him, he found himself feeling genuinely content with life and how it was turning out. A year ago, he wouldn’t have been able to bring himself to even imagine that. It was a moment he resolved to savour. 

“You feel any different?” Tom asked, smirking as he dusted the icing sugar from his Pączki off his fingers. 

Pete scoffed at the question, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh yeah,” he replied, nodding seriously. “I feel like I’ve levelled up, you know? Way more mature now. I feel like I’ve really grown as a person.”

“And yet not an inch vertically? Life’s not fair, is it-?”

“Fuck you!”

Tom snickered, ducking out of the way of the hand Pete swung at the back of his head, before holding his own up in surrender. 

“Seriously though, happy birthday,” he said, shooting Pete a warm smile that made his stomach do that fluttering thing he’d noticed it doing more and more often lately. 

Smiling himself and ducking his head, Pete shrugged. 

“Thanks,” he said. “It’s not really a big deal.”

“Well as somebody with a vested interest in your being born, I reckon it is,” Tom retorted, rolling his eyes. 

Pete scoffed, a teasing grin tugging at his lips as he folded his arms over his knees. 

“A vested interest, huh?”

“Don’t let it get to your head.”

“Nawww, you do like me,” Pete snickered. 

“You’re letting it get to your head.” 

“Is that why you brought me out here, to confess your undying love?” 

“In. your. dreams,” Tom scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Bringing you out here was my present to both you and Mav.” 

“How is me going to go for a ride and being bought breakfast a present for Maverick? 

“You going for a ride and being bought breakfast means both you and I are here, not at home. Which means Mav and Ice have the whole place to themselves, all morning. And there’s no chance of either of us overhearing anything and being scarred for life.” 

Pete blinked at that, before pulling a face at the thought of Mav’s birthday ride and announcing, utterly serious, “You’re the best friend a guy could ever ask for.”

“I know,” Tom drawled, before shrugging as he tucked the rubbish from his breakfast into his backpack. “And maybe I wanted to get in first with the birthday wishes.” 

“Always a competition with you, isn’t it?” Pete scoffed, ignoring the other boy’s derisive snort as he jumped back to his feet. “Race you back to the Hard Deck!” 

“Absolutely not!” Tom snapped, hurrying to his feet all the same as Pete bounded over to the bikes. “That flies entirely in the face of the contract!” 

“I laugh in the face of the contract!”

“Yes! That’s why it took so long to draft! Pete!” 

They didn’t end up racing back, much to Tom’s relief. As a result, by the time they pulled up, pretty much everybody had arrived at the beach. Bradely, Hangman, and Phoenix were still by the Bronco though, pulling the last of their stuff out the back.

“Ah, the birthday boy has arrived,” Hangman cried as they wandered over.

“Ha ha,” Pete scoffed, rolling his eyes before turning to Rooster. “Hey, can we dump our helmets and stuff in your car?”

“Sure, the back seat should be free,” he replied as he hefted the cooler from the trunk. “But really, happy birthday, Pete.”

“Ah, thanks?” Pete replied, a confused smile tugging at his lips as he stepped out of the way for Tom to stow his stuff away as well. That’s two times today. Weird. 

“What’s with the face?” Phoenix asked, laughing. “17 is a big deal.”

Pete laughed. 

“Yeah right,” he replied, stooping to grab one of the bags from their pile. “16’s supposed to be a big deal, and 18 definitely is. 17’s just there.”

“Agree to disagree. But, that raises a good question,” replied Jake, a mischievous grin spread across his face. “What sort of Sweet 16 fiasco are we competing with today?” 

Pete arched a brow at the question, but figured it made sense. Out of all the milestone birthdays, 16 was the only relevant one he and Mav had an overlap on. Though he wasn’t sure how much “I spent most of it in the ER with a broken arm’ would help with gauging the temperature for how this one was going.

Instead he just shrugged. 

“Nothing really special. I’m sure this’ll be way better.”

“That’s what we’re aiming for,” Jake replied with a grin, ruffling Pete’s hair (and then, far more amusingly, Tom’s), before leading the way over to the sand. 

Pete blinked as they drew closer. A lot of people had turned up. All of the daggers were here, pitching up chairs and umbrellas or tossing a football (actually, two footballs) around while almost all the uncles and even Viper milled about among them. Mav, Ice, Slider, and Penny were getting the barbecue started, chatting with Warlock and Cyclone (which was weird, but probably Ice’s doing). He even spotted Amelia and Theo slip out of the Hard Deck, deep in conversation with Hondo (about something nerdy and interesting no doubt) to join the group. 

“Damn, Mav sure invited a lot of people for someone who pulls faces whenever anybody utters the number 60 around him,” he laughed as he hefted the bag further up his shoulder. “Or are you all gatecrashing just to torment him?”

Jake snorted at that, rolling his eyes. 

“Nah. Though he is being a baby about it, so if we did it would be his own fault,” he replied. 

“He actually ordered us not to mention ‘the situation’ the other day,” Bradley scoffed, shaking his head.

“In fairness, Roo - you and Bagman were having a lot of fun at his expense,” said Phoenix as they all dropped their bags on the sand and set about making camp. She grinned at Pete and Tom. “There have been lots of fossil jokes. These two even smuggled a walker on base and swapped it with his lectern before debrief. He had to walk it to the side of the classroom.”

“Cruel,” Tom snickered from beside him. “Funny, but cruel.”

“You know it,” Jake cackled, dropping his bags down on the sand before stretching his arms over his head. “But nah, he’s opted out of a group celebration. Don’t know why. But I’m afraid that means you’re flying solo today, baby bro.”

Pete blinked again. 

“...I’m what?”

“You’ve got the spotlight pretty much to yourself today,” Bradley replied, shrugging like it was the simplest thing. “Apparently he’s got some day-trip planned with Ice tomorrow, so he’s sorted. That just leaves you with all of the attention. Reckon you can handle that?”

…Shit. 

Shit, shit shit - he had not prepared for this. He’d not expected this. What the hell even was this?! He’s turning 17. Who gives a shit?! Why the hell would all of these people come out here, some of them a hell of a long way, just for him?! They wouldn’t. Had they not been told it was just for him? Did Mav wriggle out of this at the last second and now he had 20+ people who’d pretty much written off half their weekend for no reason on his hands? 

“Pete, you alright?” Tom asked, shaking his shoulder, a worried expression on his face. 

Pete grimaced, before glancing around at the others and finding them all looking at him with concern. 

He pulled on a wide grin and laughed. 

“Me? Yeah, of course!” he replied cheerily, mind racing all the while. He needed a minute to himself. To come up with a plan. To fix this. 

Quickly turning back to the others, slapping his forehead as he did, he said, “You know what? I think I left my phone on my bike. Just gonna go grab that, can’t lose another one. Are you guys good here for a sec?”

“I mean, yeah,” Tom said slowly, frowning. 

“Great!” Pete cheered (perhaps a bit too overzealously, but whatever) before spinning around and, with a quick “Back in a moment!” taking off back up the beach. 

Right, step one, calm the hell down. He had to get a hold of himself and he had to do it now. 

Alright, it was a surprise. Alright, there were probably going to be some irritated people down there. So what? He could deal with irritated people. He could deal with people that actively wanted to kick his ass, irritated is nothing. Why the hell was he freaking out so much? Less than a year of being treated nicely and he’d gone completely soft, seriously?

He shook his head roughly. 

He was fine. This was fine. He’d make it work somehow. He just needed to stop acting like a baby and come up with a plan of action. 

He could direct attention back to Maverick. The old man can try and wriggle out of it all he likes but two can play this game. He’ll stick around for an hour, direct as much attention to Mav as possible, whip Jake and Bradely up into enough of a frenzy to keep the momentum going and then make a classy exit. Nobody will even remember he was here and they’ll forget all about this misunderstanding. That’s good. That’ll work. 

…Unless Mav launches a counter-attack. Which he would. 

Shit!

“Pete?” 

Pete whirled around and found Mav and Ice approaching, both looking concerned and not all that surprised to see him up here. Goddamnit, Tom, the snitch!!

“What’s going on, kiddo?” Mav asked, cocking his head to the side. 

“I mean, that’s a pretty good question man,” Pete replied, running a hand through his hair anxiously as he glanced down at the beach once more before turning his attention (and frustration) back to the older man. “I get that you’ve got some sort of three quarter life crisis going on about turning 60, but seriously, throwing me under the bus so you can avoid that is a dick move.” 

Mav, the bastard, looked more confused than chastened at the rebuke, exchanging a bemused glance with Ice. 

“You’re going to have to spell this one out for us, buddy.”

Pete groaned, folding his hands on top of his head. 

“First, explain it to me, guys,” he replied. “What was the plan? Trick everyone here by saying it’s a party for Mav and then hope people aren’t too put out when it turns out it was for the other Mitchell? Jeez guys, I mean, what the hell? Why the hell?! Nobody gives a damn it’s my birthday. I don’t give a damn it’s my birthday. Now it looks like I do, and now I get to look like the stupid little moron who needed people tricked here to pad things out!”

“Pete,” Ice said slowly, holding his hands out like he was trying to calm down some wounded animal. Like Pete was being irrational about this. “You do know this party is for you, right?”

“Yes,” Pete replied with every ounce of patience he possessed. “I’m aware of that. That’s exactly my point”

“No. He means it was always intended to be just for you,” Mav weighed in. 

Pete sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried his very best to channel Ice and remain as diplomatic as he possibly could (it did not help, mind you, that Ice was joining in on this nonsense. But he tried nevertheless). 

“Look,” he said with forced calm, “I see what you’re trying to do, and it’s a nice thought. I appreciate that you guys care and want to make a fuss, I do. But you can’t just expect to trick people into writing off half their weekend for one thing, and then bait and switch with a discount offer at the last second. Wood and Wolf flew in from Texas for this, guys. Please. I’ll see if I can get the Daggers to lay off the fossil jokes, but- …what’s this?”

“Read it,” Ice replied, holding his phone out to Pete until he took it and did as he was told. 

Jake has named the group chat: Big Effing Deal Jake: First of all, how. dare. you? Nat: Seconded! Both for leaving us out and forcing me to agree with Bagman. Jake: Look what you’ve brought us too!!!  Nat: I feel physically sick.  Jake: Ditto. Bradley: Wow, you guys really are in sync today.  Nat: You take that back!!! Ice: Could somebody please explain what we’re being accused of here.  Jake: Betrayal!!!  Coyote: Dude - you’ve been hitting the expresso machine again, haven’t you? Mav: Guys. BOB: Rooster mentioned you are having a get together for Pete’s birthday on Saturday and we’re all handling the rejection differently. Fanboy: How could you, Mav? Mav: Well first, there’s no rejection for anybody to handle. We floated the idea of a beach party this morning and he seemed alright with it. So if you guys are free and want to come along, you’re more than welcome to.  Jake: Was that so hard?!!!! Mav: If you’d waited a few more hours I’d have invited you in person at work tomorrow. Jake: But Roo gets his invite right away??? :(  Ice: Rooster was over during the day, so yes, he heard first. Rooster: Remember how you were supposed to help me fix their gate today?  Jake: Nope. Poorly communicated on your part.  Jake: Moving swiftly on - we need times. And gift ideas. Nat: What a crappy brother. I got my present for him weeks ago.  Payback: Burn.  Payback: Also, same. Jake: You’re a pair of goody-goodies, I’m not surprised in the slightest.  Jake: Besides it doesn’t matter how early you got it. It’s how good it is. Nat: Got you beat there too Bagman.  Jake: Bullshit. Pete and I have a connection.  Payback: Is that what we’re calling you being a terrible influence now? Coyote: Just before these three properly kick off - is this a joint birthday bash? Or Pete-specific? Mav: Pete specific.  Mav: I’ve already got plans for mine.  Ice: And by that he means I have already made plans for him.  Ice: They’re on Sunday though, so we’ll be there regardless.  Mav: And people think I’m the competitive one. My point is, I’m covered, so don’t go worrying about that. Coyote: Roger that!  Fanboy: This is going to be great!! I can bake a cake if you like!!! Lil bro likes chocolate, right? Payback: Guys - take him up on the offer!  Phoenix: This! ^^^^^ Ice: That would be lovely, Fanboy, thank you. And yes, chocolate would be well received I expect.  Fanboy: Yeeeeeesssss!!  Mav: Right, we’re just going to leave you guys to this.  Rooster: Oh, actually, just before you go… Bradley’s added Sly-Guy, Chip_P, E!News, Full_M00ning…  Mav: Oh you little shit stirrer.  Sli-Guy: First of all, how dare you?! 

Pete blinked, utterly mystified, as he scrolled through the group chat (which seemed to go on for quite a bit) before eventually turning back to Ice and Mav. 

“I… I don’t understand,” he uttered. 

“Join the club, kiddo,” Mav replied, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“You helped plan this,” Ice pointed out, a baffled expression on his ordinarily nonplussed face. “I specifically asked you if you would like a party at the Hard Deck?” 

“I thought you were asking for my input for Mav’s party,” Pete muttered, his cheeks blazing with embarrassment as he realised just how stupid he apparently was. 

“The daggers have been talking to you about it all week?” Mav pointed out, equally confused. “Bob asked you what snacks you’d like him to bring.” 

“I thought they were coming to me because they couldn’t get anything out of you!” Pete snapped back hotly. 

Ice held up a hand, cutting that line of conversation off before it could get too heated. Taking a deep, exceedingly put upon breath, he sighed “Once again, it appears that this family’s outstanding communication skills have come back to bite us all in the ass.”

He turned back to Pete.  

“If it’s any consolation, it wasn’t meant to be a surprise party,” he said.

Pete scoffed softly, in spite of himself, but soon enough the begrudging amusement gave way to confusion once more. 

“I still don’t understand,” he said. “Why would all of them come out if they knew it was just for me?” 

“How’s it any different from them coming out for me?” Maverick asked with a frown.

Pete shrugged. 

“They’re your family,” he replied simply. “They’re supposed to show up for you.” 

“They’re your family too,” Maverick argued, his frown deepening. 

“You do know that, don’t you?” Ice said slowly, eyes narrowed suspiciously. 

“Yeah. Course,” Pete muttered, cutting a quick glance to the group in question. Nobody seemed to have noticed they were gone yet, thank goodness. Somehow Pete felt like he’d find himself even more outnumbered if they did. He had to bury this quick though, if he wanted to avoid that fate. 

Unfortunately, when he turned back to the oldtimers, Ice had his signature ‘so you’re just going to lie to my face now?’ expression in place. Never a good sign. Also almost never directed at Pete he realised with a dull pain. 

“You know, you pull that face every time this topic of conversation comes up.”

“What face?” 

“The ‘well if it makes them happy’ face,” Ice replied, folding his arms over his chest. “Be honest with us, Pete. What’s going on here?”

Pete shrunk back a little at that, feeling very much under a spotlight all of a sudden and not entirely sure why. 

“N-nothing. Nothing’s going on.”

“Well clearly something is. And just to be clear, do you honestly believe that we’d have all been fine throwing a party for Maverick and doing absolutely nothing for you?” the older man asked, arching a brow pointedly. 

“I… I mean… I… I’d get it,” Pete stuttered, heart pounding in his chest. What the hell was going on? What did he even do? He took a step back, giving into the instinct to at least be out of arm's length, only to knock into the back of Ice’s Jeep when he tried. Crap. He was trapped. And he was in trouble. And he didn’t know why. 

His alarm must have shown on his face too, because soon enough Ice was taking a step back himself, hands held up disarmingly. 

“Pete, I’m not angry with you,” he said, calmly and far gentler than before. “I’m sorry.”

Pete swallowed thickly, but nodded all the same as he tried to rein himself in, to calm down for goodness sake. He was being so damn stupid!!

“I just don’t understand,” Ice continued. “You know everybody here loves you, don’t you? We haven’t dropped the ball that much I hope.” 

Embarrassment and shame twisted sickeningly in the pit of Pete’s belly. Because he did know that. He knew how hard everybody had tried to make him and Tom feel welcome. And not just as novelty extensions of Mav and Ice either, but as their own, separate people. They’d all tried so hard to bring them into the family and make them feel like they belonged in it, Pete knew it. He saw it each day. For the most time, he felt it too, but there was just this part of him that wouldn’t allow him to accept it fully. Wouldn’t allow him to trust it. To trust them. 

“I’m sorry,” he uttered weakly, staring down at the tips of his boots. “I… I know it doesn’t make sense. It’s not anything you guys have done, or haven’t done. I know how much you’ve all tried to be welcoming. And you have, truly. I love it here… so much. But… but every time I try to… it’s just in the back of my mind I’m always… I…” 

He flinched sharply when something touched his arm, but it was just Ice reaching out to him. All of a sudden, that contact, that offer of reassurance was all he wanted. Sighing heavily he stepped forward and leaned against the old man’s chest, dragging in a deep, calming breath as Ice’s arms wrapped around him, squeezed him in a tight. 

“I love it here,” he uttered. “And everybody here… and I know they- you all care - about me and Tom. But I just know…” 

He sighed deeply. 

“It’s just… self-preservation, I guess. I know it’s going to really hurt, so much, when I mess up.  I didn’t care, when it was just some other home I was stuck in longer than usual, but now… now it’s probably too late already. When I mess up and have to go-”

“Hey, who said anything about you going anywhere,” Ice said with a frown, holding him closer. “We told you, you have a place in this family for life. Nothing will change that.”

Pete sighed sadly, shaking his head where it was pressed to Ice’s sternum. They didn’t get it. They felt that way now, but it wouldn’t last. 

“No matter how hard you try, you’re going to end up alone.” 

Both Pete and Ice froze at that, before turning to face Maverick, who looked all the world like he’d just commented on the weather rather than putting one of Pete’s deepest, most painful fears to words. And he wasn’t done. 

“We’re going realise just how messed up you really are. How much damage has been done. How much of it can’t be undone. And, most importantly, how much of it you probably deserved. And sooner or later we’ll change our mind about you. It’s all well and good to say we’ll always want you in the family if we haven’t seen the full picture yet, because let’s face it, you’re on the good behaviour streak of a lifetime right now. But sooner or later, you’re going to mess up, because that’s what you do. And then we’ll see the real you. The screw up. The waste of space. The guy everybody else can see clearly. Eventually the rose-coloured glasses will come off and  we’ll really see you for what you are. We’ll get tired of trying to bring somebody into a family who doesn’t deserve to be in it and clearly is meant to be on their own. It’ll be better for everyone to just stop trying. We probably won’t kick you out, to be fair - but when you head off to college or the academy… the calls and emails will peter out. Tom will probably find his own people too, when he’s got other options. He’ll stop spending time with you too. It’ll probably be pretty amicable really. But everybody will just go on with their life and there will be no room for you in them. That will be that. Better to just accept it now, try not to get too attached to how things are, so when it happens, at least you won’t look like you were blindsided by it all. It’s a bit less pathetic if you at least saw it coming.” 

Pete’s stomach sunk so fast through the blacktop it felt like he was pulling negative G’s. Mav knew. Mav saw how this was going to play out just as clearly as he did. The first card in his little house was beginning to wobble. 

To his horror he felt his face beginning to heat up and his eyes beginning to sting. He dragged in a deep, shuddering breath, squeezing them shut tight. He wasn’t a baby. This wasn’t a surprise. He wasn’t going to start crying in the middle of the car park where everybody could see him like some child. 

He jumped as an arm wrapped around his shoulders and looked up to find Ice, holding him close again, and leading them to the space between his jeep and Bradley’s Bronco - more or less out of sight from the rest of the group.

“Sit down and take a few deep breaths for me, kiddo,” he murmured, manoeuvring Pete until he was sitting down on the gravel, back pressed against the rubber of the Bronco’s tyre. Biting his lip, he folded his arms tight over his chest, knees drawing up as Ice kneeled down beside him and wrapped an arm back around his shoulders, rubbing up and down his arm soothingly all the while.. “In and out. Just like that. What the hell, Mav?” 

“Just trying to work out what we’re dealing with here,” Maverick replied, sounding tired and sad now. “Pete, can you look at me?”

Pete really didn’t want to. This was all humiliating and painful enough without risking bursting into tears the second he made eye contact with the old man as well. But, at the same time, this was the reality of the situation, and closing his eyes and hiding from it wasn’t going to change anything either, except to make him look even more childish. So whether he wanted to or not, he didn’t have much of a choice. 

Clenching his jaw tight and breathing in deeply through his nose, he (as resolutely as he could manage) lifted his head and met Mav’s eye. He wasn’t expecting to be met with a sympathetic expression. How could Mav see him so clearly, and still look at him like that. 

“Does that about sum it up?” the old man asked, cocking his head to the side. “What’s going on in that head of yours.”

Scrubbing roughly at his face, Pete nodded his head. 

“M-more or less.” 

Mav hummed thoughtfully, pausing a moment, before smiling and sitting down properly across from them. 

“You know,” he said, leaning back on his hands. “The first time I met Carole, she scared that absolute crap out of me.” 

Pete blinked, confused at the strange turn their conversation had taken, but interested all the same. Mav wasn’t shy with talking about Goose or Carole, but he’d never heard that. 

A fond smile tugged at the edges of the old man’s mouth as he looked up wistfully at the sky. 

“People underestimated her. She was so loud and joyous all the time, most people figured she was probably a bit dim. But they had no idea. Sure she was smart enough, but her real strength was with people. She had this way of looking at a person, just looking at them, and seeing past all the bullshit.”

He shook his head. 

“The first shore leave after Goose and I became a team, Goose insisted that I come home with him. He hadn’t realised until we were literally docking that I didn’t have anywhere to go, so the second he put the pieces together it was, ‘Come on, you have to, Mav! It’ll be great. You can meet Carole. You guys will get on like a house on fire, I know it’. And I, for the life of me, couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse to convince him otherwise. I think I was a bit blindsided that he was offering to spend more time together at all.” 

He scoffed. 

“Either way, the pressure was dialled up to 11,” he drawled. “Not only would I have to stay on my best behaviour for even longer, to keep Goose on side - and I’d been on a 6 month streak at that point and felt the end looming. But I also had to become best friends with his wife, immediately. Otherwise he’d wonder how he got that one so wrong. Then he’d look closer, and he’d see everything he’d somehow missed about me before. See exactly where I was lacking. Me getting to keep the one person in the navy, hell, the one person in the world that gave a damn about me - depended on this month going well.”

Rubbing at his scratchy eyes, Pete leaned a little more into Ice’s side, before asking. “You managed to pull that off?”

“Hell no, I lasted less than a week,” Mav scoffed, shaking his head. “And it only lasted that long because Goose and Carole had the patience of saints.”

Pete frowned. That didn’t make sense. He might not know this story but he knew a hell of a lot of the others that came later. He knew Mav stayed friends with Goose, and Carole as well, for years after when this would have happened. How could it not have worked? How did he screw up that badly and still manage to keep them around? 

He shot Ice a confused glance, receiving a ‘just roll with it’ shrug in response. 

“Carole was living in this tiny town in the middle of nowhere Texas at the time. Her aunt needed help moving or something. Unfortunately that meant I had had about six hours of travelling to work myself up and come up with a game plan for how I was going to make it all work. Going in with a charm offensive wouldn’t have done it, Goose would feel like making moves on his wife, Carole would feel like I was a creep, and I’d be stuck with both of them feeling like that for a month. I couldn’t risk being myself, for reasons already discussed. So I decided on the red carpet treatment. From the second I got out of Goose’s truck to the second we got back in it to head back to the airport, Carole Bradshaw would be shown a level of respect and deference that no admiral had or has ever received from me. The queen of England could have come around and found it excessive. But it was the best I had.

“I addressed her as ma’am, I stood when she walked into the room or got up from the table, I tried to help out around the house as much as I possibly could. A big part of the plan was also trying to give her and Goose as much space and time to themselves as possible. I wasn’t supposed to be there, and the absolute last thing I wanted is for them to miss out on time together because Goose felt obliged to bring me along with him. On paper, I thought it worked. Be respectful and stay out of the way. Unfortunately, in practice it went more along the lines of me actively avoiding everybody like it was my job and, whenever I couldn’t, making the situation so awkward it was uncomfortable for everybody. And it was uncomfortable. My god. Goose and Carole, they tried so hard to get me to relax, come out of my shell, do the exact opposite of what I was trying to do essentially. It was not going well,” Mav laughed, rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head at the memory. 

“Goose knew I was acting off, which was putting me even more on edge. And I knew I was quickly moving past that ‘meeting new people is awkward sometimes’ grace period straight into ‘this little twerp I’ve known for a few months has got a problem with the love of my life’ territory. So not ideal. And Carol… Carol knew from the beginning that I was putting up a front, which made settling around her pretty much impossible.”

Pete grimaced sympathetically at the thought of it all. 

“At least you stuck it out,” he muttered. “I would have just left at that point.”

“Oh, I did,” Mav replied without missing a beat. “About five days in everything finally bubbled over. Goose tried to coax me into telling him what was wrong for about the millionth time and… well, after days of constantly being on red alert, barely sleeping from the stress, just second guessing every single move or sound I made while knowing, in spite of trying my best, it was all going to hell - I sort of lost it on him. Told him he could take whatever friendship he thought we had and shove it where the sun don’t shine because I sure as hell didn’t need it or him. That I'd been on my own for over half my life and I didn’t need anybody, thank you very much, least of all some hapless, sheltered country-boy who clearly didn’t know what was good for him if it smacked him in the face. Then I grabbed my bag and went straight to the train station.”

Pete blinked owlishly at that, confused to say the least. 

“But I thought Goose was your best friend,” he said. 

“He was,” Mav replied. 

“Even after that?!” 

“I know, I was surprised too.” 

Pete frowned, puzzling it over as Mav laughed softly and shook his head.. 

“This being the tiny town it was, the train didn’t run very often, and I’d missed the one for that day - which was just the cherry on the top really. I figured I’d just spend the night on the platform. Didn’t want to risk missing the next one, and I was feeling pretty sorry for myself at the time so it seemed fitting. Which was exactly where Carole found me three hours later.”

Ice scoffed softly beside Pete, shaking his head with a fond smile of his own. 

“Mother Goose sent in the big guns then,” he drawled. 

“I honestly have no idea if Goose even knew,” Mav replied, smiling reminiscently himself. “I think she just figured she’d given us both enough time to sulk and decided enough was enough.” 

He chuckled, tilting his head back as he recalled the encounter. 

“She came over and sat down on the ground beside me,” he said, looking around them, the corner of his lips twitching a fraction higher. “Sorta like we are right now.”

Pete smiled weakly at that. 

“She sat with me for the longest time, didn’t say a word, just waited me out, until she could tell I was ready to actually listen to her. Then she took my hand and said, “You know what, honey? If you were half as rotten as you’re afraid you are, you wouldn’t care nearly as much as you do”.”

Pete ducked his head as, all at once, tears started welling up once again. God he wanted that to be true. With every fibre of his being he did. He bit his lip as he felt Ice pull him a little tighter against his side, and heard Mav scoot closer himself, reaching out and rubbing his arm himself. 

“Do you think she was right about that,” he uttered, voice crackling with the strain of keeping himself together. 

Mav smiled, squeezing Pete’s arm gently as he inclined his head. 

“Honestly, I always had my doubts,” he confessed. “But these days… I think she probably was.” 

Before he could stop them, a couple of the tears Pete had been battling against broke free and rolled down his cheeks. 

“Oh, buddy,” Mav sighed, reaching up to rub the moisture away. “I’m so sorry. Sometimes I forget how much all of that stuff hurt.” 

Pete leaned into the contact, the corner of his mouth twitching a little as he did so.

“Actually pretty good to hear that from my perspective,” he murmured, drawing soft scoffs from the oldtimers. 

Shaking his head fondly, Mav patted Pete’s arm one last time before folding them over his crossed legs. 

“I’m telling you this for two reasons,” he said, ducking his head to meet Pete’s eye once again. “First, and I really am sorry for this but, unfortunately, this is just one of those cards that you and I got dealt. This is something that you were always going to have to work through. Being on your own for so long, and getting told so many times and in so many ways that nobody wants you, and nobody will ever want you - it leaves a mark. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It's just a hurdle that we get that some people don’t. Everyone’s got their own set. For us - it’s being very, very aware of just how much other people can hurt you, while at the same time knowing how much the alternative hurts too.”

Pete sighed softly, but nodded all the same. That point wasn’t exactly news to him, but it still sucked hearing it all the same. 

“And second,” Mav said, reaching out and brushing Pete’s hair back from his face with a small, reassuring smile. “Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, and that feeling will flare up from time to time unfortunately, some people really do stay.”

Pete lifted his head to look at the old man properly, something like hope fluttering weakly in the pit of his belly. 

“They stick by you as long as they possibly can, through more crap than you could possibly imagine. I know it’s hard to really let yourself believe that right now. I know it feels like the second you do it’ll all fall apart around you, like a house of cards. But that will fade with time and with evidence. You’re just going to have to trust me until then. You’re not meant to be alone. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong or bad about you. The people who are worth a damn, they stay - you just have to let them in in the first place.”

The older man leaned closer, whispering conspiratorially, “Just be careful, because once you do, it’s all bets off. I had one moment of weakness around Slider 36 years ago and now I’m stuck with him.” 

Pete laughed wetly at that, smiling back as Mav practically beamed at him. 

“I hope you’re right,” he uttered, rubbing again at his face. 

“I am,” Mav replied, nodding firmly. “And look, I’m not going to lie to you and promise forever. Nobody knows what’s around the corner. Hell, a tsunami could take us all out right now.” 

Pete scoffed softly, rolling his eyes as Maverick ruffled his hair teasingly. 

“But the stuff you’re worried about, the mistakes you’re worried about making, I’m sorry but they’re just not gonna cut it.” 

Ice nodded at that. 

“Unfortunately, to shake us at this point you’d have to do things that you’re simply not capable of. And they certainly wouldn’t be accidental.” 

Pete frowned slightly, glancing between the two of them. 

“...Could you give me a clue?” he asked. “You know, to be safe.”

Ice scoffed softly, before cocking his head to the side thoughtfully.

“Alright. We’re talking about doing things that would deliberately traumatise others. Not accidents, like a car crash or getting in a really bad fight, though we’d all rather you avoided that too. Stuff that’s just evil. Things specifically done to make somebody else feel afraid or humiliated or less than” Ice replied calmly, brow rising pointedly. “Do you feel that avoiding that sort of behaviour would be a struggle for you?”

“Fuck, no,” Pete replied, nose wrinkling at the thought of doing anything along those lines.

Ice  nodded. 

“There you go. There’s the bar,” he replied simply. “Anything above that? Worst case scenario, you’re the pain in the ass of the week. And that’s a title we’ve all held at one point or another.”

“Even you?”

“Unjustly,” he sniffed. 

“Ask Uncle Sli about it some time,” Mav replied without missing a beat, before turning back to Pete before Ice could retort. “Honestly kiddo, do you really think Bradely was an angel growing up?” 

“Well… yeah?”

“Think again,” Ice drawled. 

Mav hummed, nodding seriously. 

“Off the top of my head, there was that time he threw a party with his baseball team while we were out of town and trashed the house.”

“The bike he borrowed without asking, rode unlicensed, and totalled - on a dare.” 

“The kitchen he nearly burned down because ‘guys - you can’t pause online games, how many times do I have to tell you?’ and ‘I want bacon’ turned out to be a bad mix.”

“The spy-phase that ended with him trying to sneak onto a military base, ours that is, and then refusing to answer any questions or co-operate after getting caught.” 

“I maintain that that was mostly Hollywood’s fault for taking him to watch True Lies.” 

Pete blinked, stunned by the antics of, by far, one of the more mature ‘big brothers’ he had. 

Ice scoffed, rolling his eyes with a fond smile. 

“And we still love the kid. Did back then when it happened and through much less amusing run-ins too,” he said, before squeezing Pete a little tighter to his side. “So try not to worry so much. You’re a kid, you’re supposed to do stupid things. Mav does stupid things every other day and we still keep him around. And that’s these days. He was an absolute menace when I first met him. And six years older than you are now. You’re a dream in comparison.”

Mav huffed. 

“You are a delight,” he said, patting Pete on the shoulder, before shooting his husband a pointed look. “But I think some people are forgetting which one of us introduced himself by immediately talking shit.”

“We were competing and the fact that you still bring it up almost 40 years later just further emphasises what a sound psychological victory that introduction was for me.”

“I mean I wanted to kick your ass all the more afterwards, so I’m not sure how much of a victory it was.”

“Well you never did, so a big one I would say.”

“Bullshit I never did-!”

“Go-ddddddd,” Pete groaned, though he couldn’t help but grin at the bickering, which, in the span of 10 months, had somehow become the comforting soundtrack of home for him (which probably said a lot about Ice and Maverick, but who cares). “Wher’es Tom when you need him?”

“Our point,” Ice said pointedly, shooting Mav a look that said quite clearly ‘we’re supposed to be a united front, genius (also, you know I’m right), “Is that you’re going to make mistakes. Everybody does. You’re going to do stupid things, things that we don’t approve of. And, because we’re here to help you become the best person you can be, we’ll call you out on it. At one point or another, we’ll disagree, we’ll argue, feelings will probably get hurt, egos will get bruised. And then, we’re going to be here anyway. Because you’re a member of this family and that’s not going to change.” 

“And we’ll remind you of that however many times you need,” Mav replied, smiling warmly at him, before slapping his own knees and leaning back. “Now, how would you like to proceed from here? Are you alright breaking the Birthday Drought today or would you like to go home and we can just have a nice family dinner tonight. Which would you rather?”

Pete bit his lip, fiddling with a loose thread on the hem of his t-shirt. 

“I guess I… I wouldn’t mind staying,” he replied, his heart and stomach fluttering again at the thought of all these people, his family, turning up just for him. But this time, he found his emotions leaning more on the side of nervous excitement rather than all-consuming dread. “I mean, It’s been a minute.” 

“You’re sure?” Ice asked seriously, rubbing Pete’s back reassuringly. “Don’t feel like you have to if you don’t want to.” 

Pete ducked his head, a small smile spreading across his face as, for the first time since this whole miscommunication came to light, and before that really, something seemed to settle inside of him. Some knot of tension that had been there for so long that he’d just learned to live with it, seemed to ease just the littlest bit. He did not doubt, for a second, that if he decided to leave now, Ice and Mav (and Tom) would cover for him, would back him up and stand in his corner. Whether they needed to or not, and Pete suspected things would probably topple in the direction of ‘not’ because the others would understand.

Drawing in a deep, calming breath (like Ice had been teaching him) he lifted his head a smiled a little wide. 

“I want to,” he said. “Seriously, if I ever say no to chocolate cake I want you to assume that somebody’s stolen my face and is impersonating me.” 

“Mark that down for both of us,” Mav replied, nodding empathetically. 

“Noted,” Ice scoffed, smiling as the three of them got back to their feet. “In that case, we should probably get back. Tom said he’d try to keep them all in one place to give us a moment alone but the fact that he seems to have managed it is making me nervous.” 

Pete snickered as Mav shot him an amused grin, before they both followed Ice back to the beach. It turned out the old man may have been right to worry. 

“In my defence,” Tom drawled as he jogged over to meet them. “I didn’t expect them all to lose their minds.” 

Pete felt like that was a pretty accurate description for the mayhem they’d just walked into. Almost all the daggers and a few of the flyboys were shouting, waving their arms about, jabbing fingers in faces or, in Fanboy’s case, cackling rather manically. And those that weren’t seemed content to either enjoy the show or stoke the fires all the more. It was pandemonium. 

“What did you do?” Ice sighed as they drew closer. 

Tom shrugged. 

“I casually mentioned that Pete and I watched Die Hard for the first time, and asked what other Christmas movies we should watch. And, well...” 

“IT’S SET ON CHRISTMAS EVE, BAGMAN!!! HOW MUCH MORE OBVIOUS DO YOU NEED IT?!” 

“THAT’S ALL YOU’VE GOT! IT’S AN ACTION MOVIE-”

“ON CHRISTMAS EVE!” 

“OH MY GOD! SO WHAT?! SO WHAT?!!” 

“Well, it did distract them,” Ice replied, arching a brow as he took it all in. “They’re going to go full Lord of the Flies any moment now, but it worked.” 

Tom grinned, before slinging an arm around Pete’s shoulders and drawling, “Wanna make it worse?”

“You’ve been a terrible influence on him,” Ice sighed, shooting Mav a despairing glance as Pete laughed softly and shrugged. 

“Sure.”

Tom winked before calling over the noise, “Alright, maybe Die Hard can go one way or the other-”

“NO IT CAN’T,” Jake and Nat hollered in unison, before immediately shooting each other disgusted glares. 

“But surely we can all agree that Nightmare before Christmas-” 

And they were off again, with renewed vigour and with previous alliances suddenly shattered. 

Pete laughed as he took it all in. Tom’s arm around his shoulders; Mav and Ice squeezing his arm and ruffling his hair respectively as they walked by to try and reign in the chaos; Rooster and Hangman each elbowing their way through the crowd, hollering for him to back them up. 

The fears were still there, bubbling away beneath the surface. Pete felt that they probably always would. Allowing himself to stay this attached, to actually believe that maybe this time, just this once, things truly would turn out different… it was risky. Frankly it was downright dangerous. 

“Right, enough of this!!” Rooster hollered over the noise. “Let’s settle this properly.” 

“Agreed,” Jake replied, nodding firmly. “Dogfight football. I bags the babies.” 

“What?!” 

“You can’t take both of them!”

“Can. Did. Pete, Tom, come on.” 

Sometimes, the risks were worth taking. And, well, he’d always liked to think he was a little dangerous.

[welikeimagines-andfandoms]

100 Random Prompts

1. “I fucking hate you, but I don’t hate fucking you”

2. "I get so hard when I'm around you. I've tried fucking other people and pumping my cock every night and yet my body craves you."

3. “How did you manage to hurt your hand this badly?” “Well I’ve never punched someone before, I didn’t realise how hard peoples faces are.”

4. “I love you and I hate you all at the same time.”

5. “Yeah, sometimes I get sad, but then I look into your beautiful eyes and it’s all better.”

6. “You like when I call you ‘princess’? Will you be my good little princess?”

7. “If you do this, I’ll show you my boobs”

8. “Has the fire revealed any secrets in the 15 straight minutes you’ve been staring at it?”

9. “Please don’t leave.”

10. “I’m here, it’s okay, no one will ever hurt you like that ever again”

11. “Guess we’re the only two idiots in the whole city stupid enough to go to a museum in the middle of a thunderstorm”

12. “You deserve to be looked after.”

13. “Give me a kiss, and everything will be alright.”

14. “I just want to die”

15. “We’ve got to hide!”

16. “Scream my name so everyone knows who fucks you this good”

17. "I'm sorry." "You have nothing to apologise for, darling.”

18. “Bend over, slut”

19. “Ned i postog a nin, ni bant” (When you lie beside me, I am complete)

20. *gets insulted* “aawww thank you.”

21. “Le i velethril nîn” (You are my love)

22. “A warrior out there, but in here, in this bedroom, you’re nothing but a little weak whore.”

23. “I just feel so drained.”

24. “What happened to you to make you so wise?”

25. “If I’m being mean to someone, I’m probably flirting.” “Is that why you’re always mean to (character)?”

26. “Thiol vae” (You look good)

27. “I just did it to make you jealous.”

28. “Stay nice and still for me, baby, just like that. Let me take care of you.”

29. “You know you sure do have a lot of teeth for someone so stupid.”

30. “They do realise I can understand what they’re saying, right?”

31. “Would you like to dance with me?” “only if you don’t get upset if I accidentally step on your foot”

32. “Fuck, I need you so bad!”

33. “I think it’s best I leave”

34. “I’ll never forget you.”

35. “How clever of an insult, and how quickly you thought of it. Very surprising for someone so dim witted.”

36. “I’m not afraid. Please touch me.”

37. “Of course you can stay.”

38. “I wish you well.”

39. “Come down here so I can kiss you!”

40. “Fuck, turn around for me, princess.”

41. “No gûn annin” (Bend over for me)

42. “You look so lovely on your knees, sweet boy.”

43. “You’re so pretty”

44. “What’s that?” “Trinket, I like trinkets”

45. “You deserve nice things”

46. “Our sweet girls pussy is so tight!"

47. “Take your shirt off!” “Why?!” “Distract them from the pain!”

48. “Darling I’m (hundreds/thousands) of years old, that isn’t vintage/old to me.”

49. “I’m doing this because I want to and not because you told me to”

50. “You belong here, in my arms, forever.”

51. “You lied to me”

52. “Borrow my jacket, keep it nice and warm for me”

53. “You look so divine when you dance.”

54. “You look lovely, Y/N.” “Please don’t lie or pity me so.”

55. “Le vaethor veleg” (You are a mighty warrior)

56. “Ni am gin anin lû hen?” (Can I be on top this time?)

57. “Stop fucking swearing”

58. “aran vuin” (Beloved king)

59. “I hope you don’t mind.”

60. "Those for me, sweet girl?" "Oh! It was gonna be a surprise but yes, yes they are."

61. “I love when you wear a skirt/dress, it’s so much easier to fuck you like this.”

62. “Life doesn’t feel so bad when I’m with you.”

63. “You don’t know a thing about me!”

64. “I failed them! They died and I failed them! It’s all my fault!”

65. “You’re such a little thing, and we can have you anyway we please.”

66. “Trust me, Y/N! (Character) likes you!” “Don’t lie to me!”

67. “Baby, tits arent supposed to be perky and perfect. They’re supposed to be soft and natural and beautiful like yours”

68. “I’m not your servant, I’m not your slave, but you could be mine if you like.”

69. “I know we don’t know each other very well but I’m really sick and I need you to pick me up from work, please.”

70. “It’s alright, my love, don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out together.”

71. “No, stay. You’re warm and soft”

72. “Trust me, I adore you.”

73. “Avo dharo!” (Don't stop!)

74. “You know I could kill you if I wanted to.” “Do it then, I really don’t care.”

75. “I might be little but I can still kick your ass”

76. “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore”

77. “Of course I will serve you, my prince/princess/king/queen/lord/lady.”

78. “You wouldn’t know anything about this (character), but it’s exhausting being this gorgeous, and I need a lot of sleep.”

79. “Its real cold tonight. You wanna come over and keep me nice and warm?”

80. “That sounded dirtier than I intended”

81. “You don’t have to be alright, you know”

82. “How can I love myself, when I’m so draining to everyone?”

83. “Please! I’ve been such a good boy/girl!”

84. “You just want to be used so fucking badly don’t you, sweet thing?”

85. “Please! I was a fool and I can not apologise enough! Please y/n…. Please….”

86. “Do you need a hug?”

87. “Come on, princess, hop on my back”

88. “What you makin’?” “Chocolate cake. You wanna help?”

89. “Don’t leave. Please?”

90. “Why do you always annoy me so much?” “Coz you’re sexy when you’re angry.”

91. “That’s better, isn’t it? You just needed to be filled with my cock”

92. “That’s the cutest sneeze I’ve ever heard.”

93. “Istog an challas perian maer” (You do know what hobbits are the right height for)

94. “Oh fuck, sweetheart”

95. “I’ll punch you in your stupid face!”

96. “Tonight I will be the powerful warrior, and you will be the tiny mortal beneath me. You will worship and praise me like the goddess I am.”

97. “Aaaaww! Aren’t you sweet!”

98. “Hey” “*flirting* Oh, heeeyy” “No! Absolutely not!”

99. “You don’t scare me.” “Yeh, but I bet I turn you on.”

100. “Are you going by to be good for me?” “Ye-yes.” “Good girl. If you do behave I’ll give you a reward.”

[alpaca-clouds]

Why is it so hard to deconstruct Magical Girls?

As some might have noticed, I have recently been rewatching a lot of old anime from my teen days. And something I cannot help but think about while doing this is: "Why is it seemingly so hard to deconstruct the magical girl genre?" Because here is the thing: I know several attempts at genre deconstruction for this specific genre... But none of them are actually what I would count as a genre deconstruction.

Basically, deconstruction of a genre usually means that a genre is played straight. Like, you take the usual tropes of a genre and play them straight or with some sense of realism. Which we have plenty of in a variety of genre. I mean, with the rise of the superhero stuff over in the west, we have a ton of superhero deconstructions (like The Boys or Invincible), that mostly go for the most obvious issue with superheroes: "What if Superman was evil?" While also dealing with some other stuff, like how superheroes might be organized and controlled, how this would work with capitalism and so on and so forth. Now, a lot of folks are bored with "Superman, but evil", but yes, it is a very clear deconstruction.

In anime/manga we also have a ton of deconstruction going on. I mean, by now it should be fairly clear: Yeah, my original fandom obsession was Digimon Tamers, which basically deconstructs the first two seasons in many regards. And when it comes to the monster taming genre, there is also Narutaru, which is a deconstruction of the genre. And I might talk about Narutaru on another day.

There is also a ton of really great Mecha genre deconstructions - though ironically speaking, I feel like most of the Mecha genre is already deconstructing itself. When your biggest franchise (Gundam) in a genre frequently is build around the premise of: "You do realize, that this is about child soldiers, right? RIGHT?!" then maybe deconstructing the genre is not that hard.

But somehow... magical girls are different.

Like, there is a variety of shows that are kinda attempting to deconstruct the genre, but... Well, if you look on TV Tropes for the Genre Deconstruction Trope, it explicitly calls out that a Genre Deconstruction is "playing the tropes of the genre straight and more realistic", and it is explicitly not "some tropes of the genre, but darker and edgier".

And here is the thing: Most of what I know as Magical Girl Deconstructions, is actually "darker and edgier", not a straight up deconstruction of the genre. Which is not to say that they are bad! Hell no! I enjoy most of them. But they are not deconstructions.

Let me go over the three that left the biggest impact on me. Though first maybe we should define what makes Magical Girls?

I mean, the genre has changed a whole lot ever since Sailor Moon appeared on the scene. And maybe that in itself is a thing, because in some regards Sailor Moon - like Gundam - was fairly good at deconstructing itself. Never the less, I will go with the ideas that have been prevelent in the genre since Sailor Moon, even though there was magical girl media before it, that worked by different rules.

One or more girls usually between 12 and 17 years of age get a magical power to transform into super heroines.

The story usually is set in the real world.

Usually they will draw those powers over some sort of mascot character or multiple characters.

The shows usually mainly exist to promote merchandise, which is why the magical girls will usually have a ton of magic items and weaponry.

Almost always there is gonna be some fetch- or collect-quest involved for powering up those items.

The power of friendship!

Romance might or might not play a role, but it will always be secondary to the aforementioned power of friendship.

Usually the magical girls will fight "monsters of the week", that often are normal everyday things that get filled with evil magic by the villains.

The villains often are some sort of otherworldly empire, that has come to earth to either take over or collect items of some sort.

My Otome: Now, some people say that MyHiME is also a Magical Girl Deconstruction, with which I absolutely do not agree, where the fuck are my cute costumes and transformation sequences? MyHiME if anything to me reads like a monster tamer deconstruction, really. But MyOtome? MyOtome is a Magical Girl Something for sure. But... Well, it does not really deconstruct the genre, does it? This already starts with the story being set in a different world from ours, and with the girls not really being "chosen", but the setting being a school for magical girls. While some of the first half of the show does play with some of the typical tropes (monster of the week and such), the story fairly quickly goes to deep into the politics of its fictional world and the war story. While yes, technically you absolutely can argue that magical girls are in fact also child soldiers... They are not usually soldiers in a literal war, and the entire fantasy politics stuff - while I absolutely loved it - does not really feel like a real deconstruction. Instead it feels more like a fantasy war story, that you also put magical girls into. Yes, those magical girls behave a lot more like realistic teens, but that does not make it a deconstruction.

Uta~Kata: Alright, let me talk about my favorite of these, despite me being rather disturbed at some of the fanservice considering the girls are like 13. In Uta~Kata we have one girl, who gets magic powers, which is fine though, as several magical girl shows actually have just one main character. It is also set in the real world. However, this is where it ends. Because... Well, there is no fights. There is no evil. There is no weapons. There is none of the usual tropes. It is basically just deities mindfucking with this one girl to find out something, that I shall not spoil, given that nobody knows this series for some reason. But basically the only deconstruction in it is: "This is a girl with magic powers, and the girl works more like a realistic teenager would." Which... Uhm, yeah, no, does not really make it a deconstruction, does it?

Madoka Magica: Madoka is probably the one really well known Magical Girl deconstruction, but I once again will argue that it does not really qualify much as a deconstruction - because the thing that makes the entire draw of Madoka Magica is that it does not play the tropes straight or realistic, but rather subverts them completely. The entire concept of Madoka Magica is build around the idea that the girls are supposed to die/be corrupted by design, which is a twist on the usual magical girl formular, not a deconstruction. While Madoka Magica is good at playing around with the aesthetics of the genre, the show does not really play any of the tropes straight, but rather puts in completely new tropes in that place. Sure, some of those tropes (teenage girls being moody and this makes them so great for corruption) are kinda based in what the genre offers in itself - but it also does not feel like a straight up deconstruction.

Again, nothing against any of these shows. I love them dearly. I do. I just find it... interesting.

And I am honestly starting to wonder at this: Why is there not a straight up deconstruction of a Magical Girls show? And be it just as a manga or comic or something along the sort.

Sure, the shows above do deconstruct single aspects of the Magical Girl genre, but never the whole thing.

Like, thinking of deconstructions of other genre, there is like a ton of stuff I could see as a deconstruction of the magical girl genre - without actually going into fully subverting it and twisting it around. I mean, especially Uta~Kata and Madoka go more into psychological horror than actually into the deconstruction, right?

Something I would more expect to see in a genre deconstruction would be:

Magical Girls actually running into issues in regards of keeping up performance in school/clubs while also saving the world.

Magical Girls running into issues keeping their identities secret and actually facing consequences because of this.

Yeah, obviously, I also could see "Magical Girl, who gets bullied, uses her powers on the bullies" (or, depending on how harsh you wanna go with this, you could also go for more severe scenarios like: "Magical Girl who gets sexually exploited by a teacher uses her powers against teacher".)

Something in regards to: "Well, what if the power of friendship starts to break?" As well as actually kinda deconstruction the entire "friendship and love" dynamic that Magical Girl stuff does play around with a lot.

Given how prevalent sapphic subtext is within the genre, one could probably also work with that.

The entire merchandise/weapons/item thing is also so ready for deconstruction - something that could go in a variety of directions. Either with how unpractical the actual stuff is, or just how it does hinder plot.

And of course the other prime thing ready for deconstruction: You usually have a fucking alien invasion of some sort in these stories with monsters, and people getting hurt, buildings being destroyed and what not... and nobody from any government gives a shit? No, but really. I would assume that some sort of government would try to get involved here.

There is probably a million other subtropes that one could deconstruct about the genre, but that is some stuff I could think about.

Ironically it would not even need to go fully into horror for that, even though deconstructions will probably always have a slight horror-sensibility about themselves. But... you know. I think if I look at the Magical Girl deconstruction stuff at large (aka the shows that I did not name here), a lot of it is built way too much around shock factor of the violence that one gets shown. And that... is not really interesting deconstruction, right?

Sure, violence can absolutely be a part of deconstruction. And I do not think a proper deconstruction should be anything less than PG13, if not R-Rated. But... Why make it all bloody? Like the main things that one can play straight and realistic, do not need blood. It needs ore like characters being more... batshit.

[not-wrong-just-different]

Hello Questies!!

This post has been a long time coming, and here it finally is. Willow, and more importantly, the Willow Fandom, changed my life, so, thank you all for everything!

Now Presenting…

How to Get a Girlfriend by Watching Willow 2022:

Step 1. See gif of Kit on top of Jade when she was saying goodbye like on Pinterest.

Step 2. Figure out the name of the show with the hot girls.

Step 3. Rewatch the original Willow.

Step 4. Watch Willow 2022

Step 5. Realize that the feelings about other women that you have been suppressing since you were 17 are coming back to bite you in the ass.

Step 6. Reject compulsory heterosexuality.

Step 7. Call your best friend in a panic.

Step 8. Try for weeks to try to get anyone you know to watch Willow. Fail.

Step 9. Sign back into an old tumblr account and start following people just as obsessed as you are.

Step 10. Read horny fanfic. A LOT of hot horny fanfic.

Step 11. Get your best friend so fed up with you that she invited you to an LGBTQIA+ friendly community event more than an hour away just so she doesn’t have to be the only person hearing about Willow anymore.

Step 12. Make lifelong friends!!

Step 13. After several months of trying to convince people to watch Willow literally steal the TV hookup and force people to watch it.

Step 14. Share the link to the Free Willow website in the Facebook group chat so everyone can watch more episodes.

Step 15. Get private Facebook message from girl wanting to talk about Willow.

Step 16. Make friends with said girl and get a huge crush.

Step 17. Start hanging out outside of group events.

Step 18. Be awkward.

Step 19. Continue to be awkward for several months until one half of the friend group pulls you aside, and one half pulls her aside and endure an intervention.

Step 20. Ask girl on date. (She says yes!!)

Step 21. Go on date and realize that despite the fact that there are over 12 years of university between the two of you, that you both read dozens of the same articles on Reddit and Quora about how to act on a first date, since neither of you have had one before.

Step 22. Get mutually pissed off at the lack of official peer reviewed research on how to have a healthy relationship. Decide to work on writing and publishing together. (So far, the only thing actually peer reviewed is our relationship, which only started due to peer review.)

Step 23. Make plans for more dates.

Step 24. Be happy!!!

Step 25. Realize that communication is hard and misunderstandings suck after reading more horny Willow fanfic.

Step 26. Write 5 page love letter in proper MLA Epistle format and give to girl.

Step 27. Become official girlfriends!

Step 28. Receive photos of her extensive collection of swords and blades.

Step 28b. Implode. (Like seriously. It was SO hot.)

Step 29. After being girlfriends for two months, bring up Willow again and find out that she doesn’t actually care that much about Willow?!?!?!!!! She likes it but was mostly using it as an excuse to talk to you?!?

Step 30. Consider breaking up with girl (not really!!) because she isn’t actually as obsessed with Willow as you are.

Step 31. Decide to share your gratitude with the ongoing Willow fandom for changing your life instead of worrying about making everyone in your life love it as much as you do. 😂

————

Thanks to the creators who helped me work through the emotions of steps 5 and 6 and those who helped with steps 10 and 25. @ksfreckles @geek-and-nina @ourlonelymoon @commanderbuffy @acre-of-wheat @wigster07 @vetiverriver @barmaid-anon @swashbucklery @spybrarian @isabrella @lowkeyed1 @savewillow2022 and so many others!

While I’m at it: Thanks to @ourlonelymoon for reminding me I don’t have to earn help, @acre-of-wheat for helping me remember that being on the spectrum doesn’t make me unloveable (and for reminding me that letter writing is valid communication) @commanderbuffy for proving that love isn’t just for teenagers, @wigster07 for showing second chances and that character growth requires tons of hard work @geek-and-nina for perfectly portraying the emotions and joy of falling in love, and @ksfreckles for being the first person I talked to online and for writing the story that means everything to me.

Thank you Willow Fandom and Willow Creators! I do not know where I would be today if it wasn’t for my lovely, Willow-obsessed online community. 💕 ⚔️ 😉

[simsim54]

2017: You are 13 and your friend introduces you to a song, and makes you learn it’s lyrics and then asks you to hear it in real life and then you, go to a cousin’s home just to listen that one song on youtube, and the moment you ears fill with those voices calling singing what makes you beautiful and the moment your eyes land on those 5 boys you are gone for life, but in that moment you don’t know that, you are just experiencing your first crush or first five crushes.

2018: You are 14 and your life has changed, you are obsessed with a band called one direction and listening to their music is your entire personality, you know everything about them, you know every song, you know their birthdays, their blood groups, the time and place and even weight of their births, you know what they like and what they don’t, you’ve watched every video there exists of those 5 boys and you are in love, you are also heartbroken because you know that the band is on a 18 month hiatus and you came to know of them only after they had broken up, you weren’t there when one of the boys left, but your heart still aches at that very thought.

2019: You are 15 and you know that 18 months was a lie, but you don’t let that deter you, you are still as obsessed, you’ve now started following all the boys solo career and spend your days making playlists for all your moods, you sing strip that down out loud every time you take a bath, you are hooked on back to you, flicker and sign of the times make you cry so much and i don’t wanna live forever makes you feel like you are part of dark romance story, you have a fan account now on both instagram and twitter and there you’ve meet the most amazing people who match your level of crazy, you celebrate 10 years of one direction and wish you had known them longer.

2020: You are 16 and the world has gone to shit, you are stuck inside your house and people all around you are dying and it sucks because you don’t know if you would be next, but there is still hope for there is one british boy from the band you love so much, who is doing virtual concerts and while you know you can not really afford the tickets of real concerts these you can, so you beg your mother, give up all you savings, and then you buy a ticket, you are so excited and the day comes and it is the best day ever, you have not known happiness like that before, you make your little brother sit with you and watch the whole show and make him fall in love with the man on the stage just like i did 4 years back, once it ends you cry but you are also left with hope knowing that somehow you will make through the pandemic.

2021: You are 17 and life has been tough, you’re still stuck inside your house, but it is easier now, you’ve learnt how to live like this, and you know that even when things get tough there are some people out there whose voices make everything better, school is kicking your ass but you still find time watch the video diaries and find your laughter in theirs, you make a bucket list for yourself and write all the things you want to do before you die and the first thing on the list is that you want to see the boys perform live, just once, you want to meet the people who taught you to live.

2022: You are 18 and are now in college, it is tough and there are days that you are so tired that you don't even have the energy to charge your phone, studies are so hard and the only way you can concentrate is if made in the am is blasting in the background on full volume, you don't really post on your fan account anymore, but you open it from time to time just to check on the family you made there, you listen to there new music and makes you so proud and excited for all the success they are gaining for they deserve it so much, you are an adult now and it's been 12 years of one direction and you are sill hoping for a reunion, even if it seems unlikely now.

2023: You are 19 and you've started to feel a bit old, you meet someone who does not know who one direction is and you are shook at the fact that you along with your boys are so old now, but you also know that is just life, you've started writing stories a lot in your free time, most of which are based on lyrics for 1d song, you even manage to get an award for a story you wrote based on live forever, if only you knew back then how much listening to that song will hurt the future you, you are still a directioner but you are more of a harrie, louie, lover, payno and zsquad, and even if it hurts you are also happy because this is what makes your boys happy and that's what matters the most doesn't it?

2024: Your are 20 and you’ve heard the most devastating news of ever, you’ve spent the entire night finishing your assignment and you are finally winding up and you get an email and the headline stares at you while you stare at it right back, you are not ready to accept it, you just saw his story an hour back, but your brain knows that it’s the truth, so you are crying, silent sobs for you don’t want anyone to wake up and get worried, you are checking all the social media sites and it’s everywhere and now there’s a hole in your heart that nothing will ever fill, you text your friend, the very friend who introduced you to them 7 years back, the very friend with whom you have planned to attend every single 1d members concert, but she is asleep and you don’t call her because you want her to get the sleep you know you won’t, so you just lie there on your bed staring up at your ceilings with your tears gathering on the pillow under your head, you watch the sun come up and you hear you mom call you to wake up and you do and then you check your phone again because you still hope it was a lie, it is not, and you see and read things you wish you hadn’t, you turn off your phone after that, you tell your mom what happened when she asks what happened on seeing your red eyes, she tells you she is sorry and that hurts more because you’ve lost something you never really had and even your mom knows how much this is affecting you, you put on a brave face and try to get through the day but you end up crying alone in your college's washroom because you just can't stop thinking about, by the time the day ends you are so exhausted from crying, from thinking, from everything, you were happy to be in a world where liam payne existed even if he did not know about you, but now you have to live in a world where he doesn't exist at all, and it's all gone, all your plans for the future of meeting him, of watching him perform in front of your eyes, of getting to hug him and maybe take a picture, but he is gone, and one direction is gone, for one direction can not ever exist without him, and nothing else matters anymore.

rest in peace, liam payne, you were loved, so much

[missbubblesoda]

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (13)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (14) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26) | (27)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters.) no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 2.7k

“I mean, if that’s something you’re comfortable talking about.” You rushed to add, fearing your question might open old wounds. “We don’t have to talk about it if-”

“No, it’s fine. You told me about your family, it’s only fair that I tell you about mine.” His eyes scanned the ceiling, as if trying to find the starting paragraph to a really long, complex story. He then took a deep breath and said: “My father, his beard was always unkempt and so was his mustache.” You chuckled lightly, tickled by the unexpected and rather random beginning he chose for his story. “He disliked loneliness. Not only when it came to people, but also objects. He didn’t like it when things looked lonely. If he passed by a bakery and there was only one loaf of bread left at the end of the day, he would buy it even though we had enough at home. If there was a book alone on a table, he would place it in a group with the others.” If your eyes hadn’t been glued to him the way they were, scanning every inch of his face, trying to read all the sentences you knew he was purposely leaving out of his story, you would have missed the way his lips twitched as they tried but failed to compose a smile.

“He rarely got drunk, but when he did, his habit of bringing lonely things home would only worsen. One time, I woke up in the middle of the night, startled by a noise that to my sleepy 8-year-old self sounded like a woman crying.” He said, as you shuffled against him, having no clue where this story was going. “Scared, I looked out the window only to see my father trying to push a cow inside the house.” You opened your mouth in disbelief. “He said the poor animal was all alone in a field, looking like it could use a friend. The next day, he had a hard time explaining to our neighbors that he wasn’t trying to steal their cow.”

“Well, that alone tells me a lot about him.” You said, the thought of a perplexed, golden-haired boy in his pajamas, and an equally confused thousand-pound cow being forced through a small door in the middle of the night making you chuckle. “What did he do for a living?”

“He was teacher.”

“Let me guess, History.” His eyes widened, head tilted to the side, asking you to explain your deduction as well as the conviction present in your voice. “I mean, that would explain a lot of things, including your love for History as well as all these books.” You said, pointing at the shelves that covered the walls of his room.

“These are not books. The ones in my office are. But these… these are just things I write.”

“All of them? You mean as in journals?”

He nodded before explaining: “Writing helps me clear my head, especially after expeditions. When we come back from a mission, time moves on and so does life, at least for those who survive. But what about those who don’t?” The question seemed to be directed at the air and not particularly at you. “What about those who never make it back home?” He paused for a moment, seemingly letting the taste of those words linger on his tongue like bitter lemon, before continuing. “When my men die out there, they are not really left behind. They are forever immortalized in the pages of these journals. It’s my way of remembering them, of making sure their sacrifice doesn’t go to waste.” Your eyes paced around his room, things slowly taking on a whole new meaning, and you wondered how much anguish and sorrow were trapped in the pages of those journals. “They stay behind and trust us, the living, to go on and find meaning in their deaths.”

You stared into the flickering flames of the fireplace without speaking, but simply, quietly understanding. Understanding that writing was his way of finding meaning, of making sense of it all. Understanding that a scout’s life was never easy, you knew that from the get go, but it was then and there where you finally and fully comprehended the dimensions of the position you held, the implications of the path you had chosen. And, when your vision started to get blurry, and your mind, to wonder if one day you would become a character in one of those dreadful entries, you decided it was time to change the topic.

“So! Your father was a teacher.”

“Yes, and I was in his class.” He paused for a moment, the space he decided to leave between each word, as well as the calmness in his voice, reminding you of trees after a violent rainstorm, battered and partially uprooted, but still standing somehow, or at least trying to. “One day, he was talking about how humanity was forced to take refuge within the walls to protect themselves from the Titans, and how that bought them 100 years of peace.” There was something about his voice that took you back to a rainy day, ten or fifteen years ago, sitting by the classroom window, only that this time your head wasn’t propped on your hand, your pencil wasn’t tapping on the desk, and your mind wasn’t lost somewhere far away, wondering when you would be able to go home. Because this time, the commander was the one speaking, and his voice, while monotonous and gentle, had the spark required to narrate the longest of stories without losing the audience’s interest in the process. A rare skill you had known only one more person to have: Hitch. That, paired with his ability to explain complex things, made you think he would make a great History professor; and you couldn’t help but wonder how different his life would have looked like had he chosen to follow his father’s footsteps.

“In doing so, any records of our earlier past were lost for all of time.” His voice pulled you back to the present, and you nodded, both to signal you were following his story, and to shake the vivid pictures that had started flooding your imagination, vivid pictures of him coming home after work to a warm dinner on the table, to his family, to a beautiful house in some small village or to a cozy cabin in the middle of some quiet forest, instead of this lonely office trapped between walls of cold stone. An alternate reality where he wouldn’t have to wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, startled by nightmares of titans tailing behind him, trying to devour him and his men.

“At least, that’s what we’re all taught.” You looked at him, your brow furrowing in suspicion, sensing there was more to this story. He seemed to be trying to decide what he would say next. Or whether to say it at all. And before you could tell him it was okay if he didn’t want to say more, he decided to continue. “I… having doubts of my own, asked my father a question. At first, he evaded answering and ended class as normal. But after we got home, he answered my doubts. He said the history books given by the government were full of contradictions and mysteries.” Something about that last line reminded you of a conversation you had with your own father a while ago, about those government conspiracy theories he was so intrigued by. But you didn’t want to interrupt, so you just nodded and let the commander go on.

“My father continued to tell me more, and even as a child, I was astounded. You see, there’s a reason he didn’t tell that story to the entire class, but I wasn’t smart enough to know.”

“You told the story to someone else.”

He nodded. “To other neighborhood kids. And one day, the Military Police came to question me.” He was looking straight into the fireplace, as if having a staring contest with the flames. Almost as if someone was standing in the middle of the flames, staring back at him, and he wasn’t allowed to break eye contact. You thought about the scenery reflected in his eyes. The blue in his eyes mirroring the bright, red fire, as well as glimpses of an emotion he had never displayed in front of you before. Slight anger, maybe. “My father didn’t come home that day… And I haven’t seen him ever since. He died in some accident in a faraway town. Or so I was told.” He added, sadness scattered around his eyes like stars in the dark night sky.

His words reverberated inside the silent room, spreading across the available space, reaching every corner, and stabbing every inch of your heart in the process. You had somehow deducted his father wasn’t around anymore, so when he started narrating the story you hadn’t expected it to have a happy ending. This, however, was way beyond your imagination. This was downright traumatizing, another level of disturbing for sure. And you felt horrible for asking him to pick at a wound that had barely even scabbed at all. But you also knew that his father hadn’t died in an ‘accident’. “Based on what I knew-”

“The government. He was silenced by the government.” You concluded, words leaving your mouth at the exact same time the thought was born.

He nodded again before continuing his story. “One hundred and seven years ago, humanity that fled into these walls… The king had altered their memories to make them easy to rule. That was my father’s theory.” You had never listened to this part of the story before. It was as if important pages had been ripped off the history books you studied at school. And the whole sensation was very odd. It left your mouth dry and your skin shivering. It was like finding there was an alternate ending to a book you had read a hundred times. One you never knew existed. A darker one.

He didn’t say anything, and you felt he was giving you time to process everything and reach your own conclusions.

“Because if he hadn’t done that, civilization within the walls could never succeed.” You finally said.

“Exactly. Ever since I was a child, I’ve been thinking… Why did my father have to die for nothing more than getting close to the truth?” He asked, and you knew this time he wasn’t talking to the air nor to you, but to himself, his voice and the emotions behind it raising like water reaching its boiling point. “Even those in the government would believe what they’re doing is just. However, I realized one thing about them: What they’re trying to protect is not humanity.”

“It’s their gardens, houses, and land.” You completed the sentence before he could, having lived far too many years around them to know what their most precious possessions are.

“If anyone dares threaten their authority, they’ll be silenced, whoever they are.” The hand that was intertwined with yours tightened its grip on your fingers. “In the end, there was nothing to justify my father’s death. In the end, my father was killed by human greed.” His knuckles went ghost-white. “And by the foolishness of his own son.” Still staring into the dancing flames before him, you noticed he had the eyes of a man whose future resembled a dead-end street. The eyes of someone who was tired of seeing seasons die one after another, knowing that his father would never come home. The eyes of someone who was tired of seeing tomorrow die even before it came. The eyes of someone who spent a whole life dreaming upon days that would never return, dreaming of a person he would never see again. And you wondered if it was his father whom he saw in the flames, or was it a younger version of himself? Or maybe, he saw memories of happier days. Memories of a past he would never be able to go back to, along with scenes of a future he would never be able to move on to. Because his legs remained forever trapped in the heavy muds of regret.

“Before I knew it, my father’s theory became true inside my heart. Now, my mission in life. It’s to prove my father’s theory once and for all.”

You wanted to string together the right words, one by one, until they formed a bridge that would lead you closer to him, so he wouldn’t feel so alone. Because, even though your bodies were pressed so closed together, you could tell his soul was lost somewhere far away, somewhere dark, somewhere lonely. And you knew his father would have hated it for him to feel that way.

You stayed still, silent, and slightly mad at yourself for not being able to say something to him. The night is always dark if no one holds the light, so you wanted to hold it for him. You really wanted to. But you were astounded and overwhelmed by all the information, both about his past and about the reality you all lived in. His father’s theory, if true, would change the world as you knew it. As everyone knew it. A possibility that, if true, would change everything.

In the end you made peace with the fact that you weren’t wise enough to know what to say, and opted for gently wrapping your arms around him instead, pulling him closer, burying your face in the crook of his neck, hugging him as tightly as you could. If you couldn’t tell him, you would show him. If words were beyond your ability, you would make sure actions weren’t. He immediately responded by tightening his arms around you and pressing his nose against the top of your head, where you could feel him breathing heavily. He took such a deep breath that, for a moment, you thought he was going to cry. But no, you knew he wouldn’t, that would be nearly impossible. Because at this point, given the rate of pain he had been enduring for years, at that rate your eyes would run out of tears before your heart could let go of the pain.

As your head rested against his chest, in such proximity to his heart, and as its beating told you more about the pain he had been living with for all those years since his father’s passing, a question popped up in your mind.

“The basement. In Eren’s house. It has something to do with this. Doesn’t it?” You spoke after a few minutes of silence.

“Intel suggests that the basement of Eren Yeager’s home in Shiganshina holds a vital secret regarding our enemy. That’s our destination. By getting there, I can prove my father’s theory. I know it.” He held your hand tighter. “I just know it.”

His words carried the exact same conviction they did during meetings when planning strategies or during expeditions when giving commands in the field. Only that this time they were infused with something else, a certain vulnerability. A vulnerability that, along with the violent beating of his heart against your ear, explained to you why he was so committed to the cause. Why he had decided to give his entire life to the Survey Corps. It all made sense now. You understood that it had less to do with freeing humanity from the walls, and more to do with his late father.

As his heartbeat lulled you to sleep that night, your mind became flooded with thoughts of the basement and the secrets that could be hidden there. If there was something hidden at all, in the first place.

-

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @angelaevangelion @depitaangeline @ynackerman9499 @afatalheat @pumpkin-toffee @velouria17 @gassytritis @goddessinsweats @nube55 @jeanboyjean

[youremyheaven]

hey! kind of off topic but i'm about to finish my rahu mahadasha that i've been in for almost my whole ass life and i'd like to share some of the things i experienced during it. it's not all bad of course, but i personally have found it very hard and if i had seen more people talk about the ugly side of the transit, i think it would've given me a lot of comfort!

(small disclaimer i'm like Pretty Sure these things are caused by the transit based off what i know about rahu, but of course they could be from something else, i'm not an expert at astrology so this stuff is mostly anecdotal. also, my rahu is in pisces in the 11th)

1. Moving and travelling a LOT. not necessarily a bad thing, but as i went into this transit at 3 years old, i never really had a "childhood home" because we moved genuinely every year and sometimes multiple times a year. i think i've moved 12 times since 2020 across cities and countries. on the more positive side, i have gotten to travel a LOT in my life, all across europe and south america, as well as every corner of my home country.

2. TREMENDOUS issues in schooling. i've heard rahu can cause issues with schooling, but oh my gosh i didn't think it would be THAT hard. from the very day i started preschool i hated every second of schooling, the teachers, other kids, the work itself, just absolutely everything about the schooling experience. it got so bad that i started homeschooling in grade 7 due to the anxiety about just... everything. it's almost hard to explain, but just the thought of merely being in a school makes me sick.

3. excelling at foreign languages. not to toot my own horn, but i have always had a knack for learning languages. since i was homeschooled, i had lots of freedom to learn what i wanted at my own pace (which is the silver lining with my school issues), and i always gravitate towards language learning! i'm fluent in two languages, and proficient in 2 more. for a while, my main hobby was learning/decoding other alphabets.

4. social isolation/difficulty . now i'm aware rahu isn't typically associated with isolation like ketu is, so this is mostly anecdotal. since it's in my 11th house, i feel like it's hindered my ability to make friends. however, the friends i do have are foreign to me and majority live in a different country. so again, double edged sword. i definitely had major social isolation issues from ages 12-17. like borderline agoraphobia. and after that when i did make friends, i often found they turned out to be somehow not what i thought (rahu and his love for deception 🙃)

5. mental issues. from what i've read, rahu is associated with obsessive behaviour and delusions. i have ocd, autism, and struggle with anxiety. as a child, i also had frequent nightmares and would have inexplicable paranoia at night as well as a fear of the dark (which i still have at 21 lol)

6. things just not working out. kind of a vague statement i know, but as rahu can decieve you about what you want, i've found so much of my time being wasted by trying new hobbies or meeting new people or trying new lifestyles just for them to straight up fail or turn out to be way worse than what i thought. an example of this would be when i was ~12 i started ballet thinking i was gonna love it and it would be so awesome, but it gave me an eating disorder (obsessive tendencies yk) and i was also ostracized by the teachers and other kids.

those are some of the things i experienced, again it hasn't been the worst per se (especially compared to what certain dashas can do to you lorddd) but as i said i was really confused for a while about what the heck was going on with my life since my rahu dasha was allegedly supposed to be so good, and knowing the darker side of it would've definitely given me some understanding <3

tysm for sharing your experiences, i hope it helps others who are going through similar times <333

people remark on how 'critical' i am of planets/nakshatras or how 'dark' the things i talk about are but truth be told, wouldn't you rather know? i think i trigger the shadow of many people because they want to believe darkness does not reside within every single planet and nak and no one is exempt from behaving a certain way.

to anybody reading, dont be afraid of difficulties and darkness, its a part of life, certain dashas can be vv tough but true purification of that planet's energies is achieved through overcoming challenges associated with it. ride the waves that come your way.

[iamyoursonly]

Try again? (30/9/2023)

I’m trying so hard to cope please bear with me. WHEN I CATCH YOU GEGE

edited on 12/12/2023

‘Love is the most twisted curse of all.’ You always say. And yet, you fell in love with me and I fell in love with you.

“Yo.” You wave, and you walk over to me, with that soft gaze and cocky smile. I knew you well, so I would just run over and give you the biggest hug ever. I mean you loved it even though the impact would make you fall down. “I missed you so much.” You’d breathe down my neck, and I’d say it back, “I missed you more, Satoru.”

We walked down the street, hand in hand, with ice cream too, preferably. You’d steal mine when you finish yours and we’d bicker until the same old man tells us off.

“Just buy a new one you good for nothing lanky tall guy.” I’d call you to make you pissed, but you would just tell me, “You love me though don’t you.” with that signature smirk of yours, and you take advantage of your height and take my ice cream away from me. It was like that everyday. It was good while it lasted though.

I moved to England the year later, but we facetimed every night. You visit me on every single weekend and every holiday you have, but I was forced into too many activities that I couldn’t make enough time for you. That must’ve been the case, because you broke up with me a month later, saying you can’t take it anymore. I know it was a full on lie but I had to give up, or I would bring you down with me. “I’m sorry Satoru, I-” I cried on call, I could see the red stains on your eyes too, but you were pretending to be calm and cool, I know you’re lonely but I can’t do anything about it. “Save it, just take care.” Then you cut the call, and I bawled my eyes out that night.

Moving on after you was hard, those times I had with you in Japan kept appearing in my mind. I heard from Shoko that you’d moved on and was dating another girl whose name was Himeko, I knew she was pretty and I told Shoko to tell you that it’s good that you’d moved on. I started picking up drinking at the age of 17, then smoking at 18. It was hell when you weren’t around, I regret not begging you to stay when we were on call.

I knew I was dying once I was admitted to the hospital unconscious. My parents wanted to know what was wrong with me too, but I couldn’t bear to tell them after all the money they’d invested in me. Shoko visited me, she said that you didn’t know yet, because if you did, you’d go on a serious rampage and might hurt someone. I was in the hospital for two whole weeks before leaving. On the last day though, a bouquet of roses was on my table. No card, nothing was slipped in the bouquet, but I really hoped it was you who sent it.

I got up to my feet again and started working hard, hoping that I could go back to you as soon as possible, but it was too selfish for me to. You have a girlfriend and a happy life, your instagram was full of smiles and laughter, it makes me forget that I wasn’t with you anymore. When I finally posted on my instagram story, with a photo of me with a neck full of medals together with a friend, you messaged me and said ‘good job’ like you always do. To be honest, I hoped that you’d forget about me and never look back, but deep down I hoped that you had never given up on me.

Turning twenty years old and coming back to Japan to finish med school after 2 years of prior study in England, I speak fluent English and tried to appear with more confidence. I got to take glimpses of you when you caught my eye at the shopping mall I loved to go to. The only thing that was different was you were with your girlfriend, laughing. But wasn’t with me.

When Shoko told me you and Himeko broke up and I was almost overjoyed, I hope you won’t drink that much and get drunk because god knows what you’d do. Before I knew it you were at my door, apparently Shoko gave you my new address and there you were, looking as handsome as ever and was so drunk your ears were bright red.

I opened the door and you locked eyes with me, “Hey.” You say, your voice was so much deeper now, you were so much taller too, “Hi, Gojo.” I say back and you furrowed your brows, “Isn’t it Satoru for you?” My heart fluttered, it shouldn’t have been like this but I couldn’t help it, “Satoru, I thought you moved on, what happened.” You just stood there, in front of my door, and I was so glad somehow, “Can you hug me? Please? I know it’s out of line and all but-”

I cut you off with an embrace, “I missed you so much, Satoru.” and you hug me back, “I missed you too.” I bring you into the house, you were really drunk, and you kept rambling about how you were really sad when you broke up with me, “I really didn’t want to, maybe you could’ve had a better future there without me and all, and I really tried to move on, I dated Himeko because of that, but when she figured out that I was using her because I missed you, she broke up with me. I love you so much and I missed you so so much, my love. I might’ve messed up real bad when you moved to England, but I just wanted you to have a better life with someone better. I didn’t know that my heart would ache that much without you around.”

Tears were streaming down your ocean blue eyes, and I felt somewhat responsible for that, “Satoru, listen. I had no choice but to move, my parents spent so much paying for my tuition in England and I couldn’t let them down, I indulged myself in all that studying and extra activities I couldn’t even make time for you, it’s my fault too, I understand that you’d leave me for it. But hey, I never moved on from you, every night I’d think of you, hoping that you’d show up at my door all smiley and tell me that the break up thing was a joke, but you never came. I also hoped that the bouquet of flowers was you when I was in the hospital because I missed you too much but I made it, and I’m back.”

I was crying too, and we just held each other until the sun rose, “That bouquet was me. I’m sorry, I should’ve wrote a card or something.”

When I woke up, you were nowhere to be seen, I was too desperate that I had my real feelings show. The doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, you were there with your soft gaze and a somehow still cocky grin, “Hey. Wanna try again? The dating thing?”

And I mean how could I say no, “Yeah, let’s try again.”

Soon after it was my twenty fifth birthday, we were at your favourite restaurant and ordered your favourite food. You had me wear my best outfit — that blue dress I adore so much, to go to dinner with you. Everything was going smoothly, I was happy, you were happy, we were talking and laughing. The music in the background played joyfully and it made people feel like a stone has been lifted up from their lives.

Suddenly, the music stopped. And I turned around to the pianist that was playing the song. The man smiled at me, then as if on cue, the birthday song started playing.

You sung, “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to my love~. Happy birthday to youuu!”

I was overjoyed, and was ready to throw myself in your embrace and fill your face with kisses. But you knelt down on the floor, opened up your red velvet box, and asked me, “Will you marry me?” I didn’t know what to say, the shock and the embarrassment got to me — not that I mind though. Every moment with you is and will always be precious to my heart. So I helped you up and threw my arms around you, before muttering a soft “yes”. You teased me, telling me to say it again, as embarrassed as I was, I simply couldn’t resist your charms and just let you be.

“Are you ready to be my amazing wife, Mrs. Gojo?” You teased.

“Do I look unprepared?” I laugh, “I’m more than ready to spend my whole life with you, you goofy freak!”

You just laughed at the mention of me calling you a ‘goofy freak’, but added, “You love me though.” and I just said, “Too bad I do.”

And you were right, ‘Love really is the most twisted curse of all.’ But I’d still take the risk to love you over and over again.

master list

[uselessbard1031]

Orphaning My Old Work???

Howdy everyone!

I'll keep this short, but I just wanted to hop on and let you all know that today I orphaned some of my old works on Ao3. I've been wanting to do so for over a year now and finally bit the bullet. Yes, this includes my most popular fic "Legend of Korra X Reader Oneshots" (for anyone whose request I didn't get to, I apologize. I bit off way way more than I could chew with that and have over thirty requests and a dozen half finished fics).

Why?

Well, when I started writing fanfiction for Ao3 I was 17/18 years old. I started publishing said fanfiction at 18/19/20 (19? I think?) and I am now in my mid-twenties so...I've changed. Lol. I've grown up.

When I first started writing I was immature and unexperienced with the world. I wrote for characters I never had attraction to myself (Ex. Adult! Toph, Suyin, Korra, Asami) because people asked me to, I saw those characters got hits, and I wanted to be liked online. It was hard because I didn't see them as romantic interests and I feel the writing suffered for that. Even 'I Bought A War Criminal' (another popular fic I wrote) I fell out of love with Kuvira while writing and it had a rushed ending due to that fact.

The X readers in particular had some smut chapters that explored kinks I don't have and truthfully had never even heard of until reading some other fanfictions. I won't get too personal, but, like many of us on here, I was exposed to way too much shit way too soon in my life so I found new edgy smut topics to keep me engaged. I've since dealt with some of that trauma and also experienced more IRL trauma around relationships and sexuality that make me read some stuff I wrote -- and stuff I READ while underage -- (ex. knife play, non-con, etc) and go woah hey who let me have Wattpad at 12 and what kind of effect did that shit have because--??? (I would like to say that being into certain kinks is not bad and I'm not trying to kink shame but to me I was desensitized due to exposure too young to NSFW material and due to some IRL trauma -- reading and writing that was my way to cope without actually working through any issues. An unhealthy way to cope. I didn't know healthy relationships because everyone in my life up to that point had abused me or hurt me in some way or another either intentionally or unintentionally so I figured Ao3 / Wattpad / Fanfic.net smut wasn't 'that bad'. Now, I deal with my trauma in healthier ways and realize it's just not what I'm into. A lot of it I wasn't even into when I wrote it. But I read it, so I wrote it. Even recently with Outlander I wrote wildshape smut not because I was into it but because all the other Jaheira fics had it and I figured hey it will get views. Because yes, smut gets views).

I'm just not proud of the writing quality. The first chapter of that X Reader Oneshots collection switches tenses like a million times. Who let me do that? Lol. I have a published book IRL that I'm taking down too because omg don't let 17 year olds self-publish XD

The point is, I never really wrote much of that stuff for me. I wrote it to get views. To get comments. To explore things I thought I was suppose to explore. Because no one in my real life was telling me I was good or capable. I wanted reassurance that I was writing the 'edgiest' stuff or the 'fluffiest' or the 'right characters' and the 'right stories'.

Going forward, I want to write for me. It's why I've moved fandoms because yes, I love Legend of Korra and Lin Beifong, but I'm not obsessed with it like I was. I found community in LOK and in AO3 and online in general but, after getting offline -- deleting social media -- reading things other than fanfiction -- basically, as I became less chronically online for the first time since Middle School, I realized that there's so much more out there that I enjoy. And much healthier ways to enjoy it.

I love all of the support you guys have given me and I stand by the amazing love and community I've gotten from all of my commenters and kudos-ers. But those fics just don't represent me anymore. Few of them ever represented me at all. Many were just what I thought would 'sell'.

I want to keep writing, so I will. But for the stories and characters I want to write about in ways that I actually enjoy. I want cute romances and metaphores for life. Writing smut feels like a chore most of the time so I'll probably just fade to black most of the time with a chapter or two exception. I still love fanficton -- it's an artform all its own. But yeah. Anyways, I hope my little ramble here makes sense and I hope you all get what I'm trying to say.

And if you are like past me -- having interacted with the internet and NSFW and smut since a young age and now feeling like every boundary isn't enough in fiction (*clears throat* I see you BookTok wth r those abusive ass relationships you're reading?) just know that maybe that kind of content isn't good for you and know that vanilla isn't lame. Know that you can write the stories and characters you want and that you don't have to write characters you don't want to write or situations that scare you. And you don't have to pretend not to be scared just for the sake of not kink-shaming.

Yeah. Anyway, if ya'll have any questions fell free to reach out to me! I hope you continue to like my work and if you don't, that's fine too. I hope you don't feel like I'm abandoning you. I think I'm just growing up and getting better mentally. <3

~UselessBard1031

[fast-moon]

DS9 Season 4 Thoughts

The Dominion is eeeeverywhere! No one knows who we can trust! So going into Season 4, our problem is...

the Klingons? Really? Guess old habits die hard WITH HONOR.

1-2. Way of the Warrior: New season, new intro! The Klingons show up to invade Cardassia under the pretext that the Cardassian government has been replaced by Changelings and they're simply "liberating" it. So Sisko gets his own Klingon in the form of Worf to stand against them. And unlike Riker last season who was just a one-off, Worf is here to stay.

3. The Visitor: Jake acts out the plot of several Doctor Who episodes where Sisko bounces through time while Jake takes the long way around, and upon Jake's death of old age, the timeline resets and it's like nothing ever happened.

4. Hippocratic Oath: O'Brien and Bashir get captured by the Jem'Hadar, but they decide not to kill them since neither one is a redshirt. Although O'Brien may not be a redshirt, he does seem to be increasingly red-pilled, as his sexism and xenophobia were on full display here.

5. Indiscretion: Kira and Dukat go road-tripping together, where the real treasure is the Cardassian asses we stabbed along the way.

6. Rejoined: Whoa, a same-sex kiss played completely, er, straight in an episode from 1995? Neat. Although, by the rules laid out in this episode, shouldn't Dax's continued friendship with Sisko be forbidden, too?

7. Starship Down: Sisko for some reason takes the entire senior staff with him just to renegotiate a trade deal between Quark and a Gamma Quadrant trader, and they once again all end up in deadly peril because he had the bright idea to fly the ship into a gas giant.

8. Little Green Men: Quark and Rom accidentally stumble upon yet another new method of time travel and get transported to post-WWII earth where they're mistaken for Martians. It's no wonder Starfleet offers a specific "So, you've found yourself displaced in time" course, with how seemingly easily and frequently this happens.

9. The Sword of Kahless: Worf gets invited on a treasure hunt, but ends up being a buzzkill. Though they rightfully conclude that returning a legendary artifact won't unite the empire, just cause it to devolve into chaos while everyone bickers over who gets to have it.

10. Our Man Bashir: Garak acts as the gatekeeper for spying while Bashir plays out a James Bond fantasy with the rest of the crew unwittingly cast in the supporting roles.

11. Homefront: Changelings have infiltrated Earth, with the aim of sowing enough distrust that people give up their freedoms willingly in the name of security. This episode is pre-9/11, by the way.

12. Paradise Lost: Sisko finds out that Starfleet had been lying about the caravan of Changelings crossing the border, bringing their murderers and rapists, eating the dogs and eating the cats of the people who live there, in order to justify declaring martial law.

13. Crossfire: Fresh off losing the hypotenuse in the last love triangle with Kira, Odo finds himself in another one, spending the entire episode hearing about how everyone appreciates him but nobody loves him. At least he got a hug.

14. Return to Grace: Dukat enjoyed his road trip with Kira 10 episodes ago so much they go on another one, and now he wants to be another leg in her love polygon.

15. Sons of Mogh: Worf gets in trouble for consensual acts between himself and his brother, so ends up non-consensually violating his brother's autonomy in order to not run afoul of regulations.

16. Bar Association: Rom forms a union and then goes on strike against Quark to protest for healthcare, paid vacation, and overtime pay. Americans watching are like, "Wait, those are things?"

17. Accession: A Bajoran pulled from 200 years in the past comes through the wormhole and Sisko is all too happy to hand over his "Emissary" title to someone more deserving. Until that guy starts trying to Make Bajor Great Again.

18. Rules of Engagement: The Klingons accuse Worf of going "It's Worfin' time!" all over a civilian transport, but it turned out the victims were all crisis actors. Alex Jones rejoices.

19. Hard Time: O'Brien commits a minor offense and is implanted with memories of spending 20 years in prison as punishment. Then he becomes a walking case study in why, if the end goal really is to stop crime, that mere incarceration is counterproductive.

20. Shattered Mirror: Sisko gets kidnapped by the Bad Fanfic Universe again, stuff happens to the Bad Fanfic versions of the characters, nobody cares.

21. The Muse: Jake gets entranced by a creepy woman who's after his braaaaains. And somehow in the future, people not only still know how to handwrite things, but write in cursive as well. Meanwhile, Odo and Lwaxana get married in order to give him paternity rights to her child, is now Dado.

22. For the Cause: Kasidy is suspected of being a Maquis infiltrator, but ♫it was Eddington all along♫. Meanwhile the show tries to set Garak up with a teenage love interest young enough to be his daughter, which for some reason they consider more appropriate than just letting him be gay.

23. To the Death: No! To the Pain. Anyway, the Jem'Hadar ransack DS9, and while on the way to kick their asses, they run into some other Jem'Hadar who have a beef with those Jem'Hadar, so they end up working with those Jem'Hadar to beat up the other Jem'Hadar. Jem'Hadar.

24. The Quickening: Bashir stays behind on a planet with a pledge to cure a planet-wide congenital plague in a week, but best he can do is make it so that no one in the future is born with it but everyone alive now is still screwed, so close enough.

25. Body Parts: Quark gets excommunicated from Ferengi commerce for not being enough of a predatory capitalist piece of shit. Meanwhile, the wrong cast member gets pregnant in real life so they need to BS a reason for Kira to be pregnant instead of Keiko.

26. Broken Link: The Founders infect Odo with "I'm melting, oh, what a world" disease, forcing him to go back home for treatment and receive punishment, which was the same punishment Q got for being a naughty boy: forced to become human and unceremoniously dropped naked in front of the Captain. #JusticeForOdo?

All right, halfway done with the series! Still pretty good so far, but some of the writing choices in this season kind of rubbed me the wrong way, particularly about O'Brien. Originally I liked O'Brien because I sympathized with him as the put-upon engineer who always has to clean up everything constantly breaking around him. But in this season he started getting... I dunno... kinda more generally mean-spirited and selfish. It almost felt like the writers were worried that the Bashir/Garak relationship was coming across as "too gay", so they performed some kind of "conversion therapy" for Bashir by making him hang out with O'Brien instead, and had O'Brien show off how a straight and manly man is supposed to act to a toxic level.

I'm not terribly fond of the new intro theme song. It sounds like the old intro theme song, just slowed to like 3/4 speed, so doesn't have as much "excitement", I guess.

There were also some cold opens that were "all the regulars are contractually obligated to a speaking part in every episode, but this episode isn't about them, so here's a random scene with them" to a distracting level. The one about Dax rearranging Odo's furniture was a particularly egregious one, because... what?

Other than that, the show continues to be scary prescient about current society, especially predicting security policy post-9/11 five years before it happened. And also the episode about the new Emissary who ran on regressing Bajoran society by 200 years for the benefit of a privileged few. In both cases, unlike reality, the ones advocating for those things eventually admitted they were wrong and stepped aside. If only.

But now, Changelings are everywhere! Infiltrating top levels of government and sowing chaos! And now that Odo isn't a Changeling anymore, does that mean his Putty Privilege is also revoked when it comes to dealing with the Dominion? We shall see in Season 5!

[2treez]

ADVICE FROM OLD PEOPLE

1 The most important person in your life is the person who agreed to share their life with you. Treat them as such.

2 You might live a long life, or you might live a short one — who knows. But either way, trust me when I say that you’re going to wish you took better care of yourself in your youth.

3 Stuff is just stuff. Don’t hold onto material objects, hold onto time and experiences instead.

4 Jealousy destroys relationships. Trust your significant other, because who else are you supposed to trust?

5 People always say, “Make sure you get a job doing what you love!” But that isn’t the best advice. The right job is the job you love some days, can tolerate most days, and still pays the bills. Almost nobody has a job they love every day.

6 If you’re getting overwhelmed by life, just return to the immediate present moment and savour all that is beautiful and comforting. Take a deep breath, relax.

7 Years go by in the blink of an eye. Don’t marry young. Live your life. Go places. Do things. If you have the means or not. Pack a bag and go wherever you can afford to go. While you have no dependents, don’t buy stuff. Any stuff. See the world. Look through travel magazines and pick a spot. GO!

8 Don’t take life so seriously. Even if things seem dark and hopeless, try to laugh at how ridiculous life is.

9 A true friend will come running if you call them at 2am. Everyone else is just an acquaintance.

10 Children grow up way too fast. Make the most of the time you have with them.

11 Nobody ever dies wishing they had worked more. Work hard, but don’t prioritize work over family, friends, or even yourself.

12 Eat and exercise like you’re a diabetic heart patient with a stroke — so you never actually become one.

13. Maybe this one isn’t as profound as the others, but I think it’s important… Floss regularly, dental problems are awful.

14. Don’t take anyone else’s advice as gospel. You can ask for advice from someone you respect, then take your situation into consideration and make your own decision. Essentially, take your own advice is my advice…

15. The joints you damage today will get their revenge later. Even if you think they’ve recovered completely. TRUST ME!

16. We have one time on this earth. Don’t wake up and realize that you are 60 years old and haven’t done the things you dreamed about.

17. Appreciate the small things and to be present in the moment. What do I mean? Well, it seems today like younger people are all about immediate gratification. Instead, why not appreciate every small moment? We don’t get to stay on this crazy/wonderful planet forever and the greatest pleasure can be found in the most mundane of activities. Instead of sending a text, pick up the phone and call someone. Call your mother, have a conversation about nothing in particular. Those are the moments to hold onto.

18. Pay your bills and stay the hell out of debt. If I could have paid myself all the money I’ve paid out in interest over the years, I’d be retired already.

19. If you have a dream of being or doing something that seems impossible, try for it anyway. It will only become more impossible as you age and become responsible for other people.

And finally, the last piece of advice:

20. When you meet someone for the first time, stop and realize that you really know nothing about them. You see race, gender, age, clothes. Forget it all. You know nothing. Those biased assumptions that pop into your head because of the way your brain likes categories, are limiting your life, and other people’s lives.

🌳🫶🏼🌳

-CTTO

[kris-mage-fics]

asking for Kyrahlise, of course 💓 I wanna know all the stuff about her

@bigmeandragonlady and @kingdom-dance asked about her too, and who am I to deny the people? Or three people anyways, lol! Oc asks Most is under the cut because it got a bit long. Also, please note question 8 is about food, and I briefly mentioned someone trying to physically harm Kyrah in question 17. Please skip those if they are issues for you.

1. Full name: Kyrahlise Niriviel. I doubt I'll give her a middle name because I don't think they are really a thing in Blest, and it took me forever to come up with her first name. I'm not keen on going through that again to find something that feels right, lol

2. Best friend: Going by that stats, everyone! Which is accurate, because whenever I try to pin down who her best friend is I always start going in circles. Though her deepest friendship is with Red because of their history together.

3. Sexuality: If you asked her, she’d say she likes people sometimes. But more precisely, she’s bi and demi romantic + sexual.

4. Favorite color: “I can’t pick a favorite when all colors are beautiful and have an important place in the world,” is what Kyrah would tell you. Green. The answer is green. Even though she will deny this.

5. Relationship status: Single. (Technically. Depending on the romance, I think she knows she's in love somewhere around Chapters 5-7.)

6. Ideal mate: Kind people who have a sense of humor, or enjoy hers. They don’t have to be a nerd or artist, but she wants a partner who will appreciate those sides of her. Someone who takes the time to get to know her, and has some overlapping interests with her.

7. Turn-ons: Hm, do they mean like as in green flags in a relationship, sexually, or something else? Because if it’s the first, the answer is the same as 6 above. If it’s the second, well for as rare as it is for her to be sexually interested in/attracted to someone, it doesn’t take much to get her going once she is. ;)

8. Favorite food: Tbh, her favorite food rotates so frequently, it’s hard to pin down. It’s pretty much whatever the most recent food she tried and loved! But her comfort foods are: 1) The braided bread her mom made stuffed with different combinations of fruits, nuts, cheese, and herbs. It’s one of the only things she knows how to bake. 2) Lavender dumplings from Capra. 3) Biscuits and gravy, particularly if the sausage is spicy!

9. Crushes: Before joining the Shepherds, she had all of three crushes. The first was Red, and they dated for a little while. Then a woman she met a few years later, but that faded quickly because she found out her crush was straight. The third person, well I’m not going to spoil how that went, because I’m in the middle of writing a fic about it.

10. Favorite music: Any music she can dance to!!! It doesn’t matter the tempo, style, or mood of the music, if she can dance to it, she loves it!

11. Biggest fear: To die before she can accomplish her goals. One of the big ones is she doesn’t want to be the only person left who remembers Vale, so she wants to finish writing all she can remember about it and her life there and have it printed. Likely only given to the folks she trusts, unless she’s old and the world is much more receptive to Diminished.

12. Biggest fantasy: Ridding Blest of Endarkened, and then living a normal life where she can practice magic in peace. (Something tells me it’ll be downright impossible for the Hero of Haven to ever have a normal life.)

13. Bad habits: Smoking charch sometimes. Falling asleep random places because she overworks herself. Being snarky, or swearing under her breath in Elvish when she’s annoyed, then lying about what she said if anyone asks. Drawing to calm down, but accidentally breaking the pencil from holding it too tight. (She has a lot of short pencils now.)

14. Biggest regret: Besides what happened on her Flower Day there's also leaving the Circle, and [redacted because it's in a fic I'm working on].

15. Best kept secrets: Up until Chapter 3, it was the truth of “the birthday of doom” I think you once called it. Beyond that, she doesn’t have any secrets per se, it’s more things she chooses not to talk about, but if someone close to her directly asked, she’d give an honest answer.

16. Last thought: At the point where we are in Chapter 9, she just silently sent a prayer to the old gods, “Please let this work!”

17. Worst romantic experience: As I’ve mentioned, she’s pretty dense when it comes to romance. There have been a few times she went on dates without realizing it, because the other person wasn’t really clear about their intentions. One such time, the woman who asked her out got belligerent and attempted to slap Kyrah when she refused a kiss. She was 18 at the time, and it really messed with her head for a while. She started to feel like most people only cared about fucking her, and didn’t respect her or her wishes. Thankfully, she got over those issues in time.

18. Biggest insecurity: That she’s actually a dangerous monster deep down and people will, at best, leave when they find out. And that she will never be enough no matter how hard she works or how good she is.

19. Weapon of choice: Magic, or her ability to talk her way out of things (through charisma or intelligence). As for physical weapons is a bow and arrows, though a sword is a close second.

20. Role Model: Canon characters: Her parents, and Archmage Tevanti Characters I've made for her backstory: Leonadil (the woman who dragged encouraged her to go to the Circle), and Wenefreda (the elderly cook at the Circle)