#an insecurity can become a secret and that applies to just about anybody

[dnangelic]

idc about allonormativity but sugisaki's handling of things is vague enough around the edges that i can still put forward the thematic thesis of 'anybody who doesn't want to be alone shouldn't be alone' and 'lives and people's souls/hearts, like art, can be freely shared with each other and witnessed in order to be good and beautiful' and that sort of thing is like almost the entire driving force of daisuke's character. to me.

[funkymbtifiction]

Si-Te or maybe just Si-dom in general

Well… Since there is one for Ti-Se, I think sharing how Si-Te works might be a nice idea. Disclaimer, it’s not pretty. It’s not wonderful. Si-Te can be a pain but it also is an asset. I want to share it to you guys the reality of being an ISTJ. I’m not here to debunk any myth. I’m only saying it as it is to me… So, let’s go, shall we?

First, what is Si-Te. If I would describe it, it is a slow-starting stallion. In my experience (it might vary between every ISTJ out there), before I can ever do anything well, I need shitload of trials and errors. I cannot really innovate or running on the flow. I need to learn thing from the very smallest piece and slowly piecing it all together into a full picture. It’s incremental, it takes time and it’s seriously slow.

The process of learning through slowly adjusting and experimenting every route possible – especially if there is no one to guide you at all – leads to internalization exactly what I perceive of that knowledge. It imprints clearly in your mind that you can pick it up as it is years later. It becomes a picture in your mind of what is the ‘truth’. The accumulated experience that rinsed up into a pack of worldview of how the world works. Every Si-users are different and each of us perceives and rinse different information into their own unique brand of world view. But it shares the same theme ‘experience from repeated trials and errors that can be pulled out in times of need’. It is what you might called ‘wisdom’ or ‘lore’. Think about some specialists who know everything about the woodland and all stories and beliefs related to each component. That’s high Si. 

When it comes to Si it must be followed by Te. Te is not just about fact and organization. It is about seeing ‘tangible’ and ‘measurable’ potential in given information and how to apply it. It is when you see some gall bringing in gold dust from a stream behind your house and immediately realize you can make a gold rush out of that stream. For me, Te is a useful tool to accomplish things in the real world. It’s a tool to apply your experience in a real problem solving and both Si and Te are working together though Si sorts of controlling Te thus, Te is limited by Si-internalized knowledge. So, the way Si and Te working together in very simplified term is ‘organizing the real world based on my knowledge of how the world works’.

Other theme I can think of that is actually Si but is typically mistook for Ni is mythology making. You see, for Si users, everything has a story attached to it. Every knowledge, everything has its own mythology and story embedded within. This will be a bit odd. I have some knowledge on traditional massage and medicine. Even if I don’t remember them word by word. In the end, I find myself having story of reference to every component of my knowledge. Like, I know how to massage. My friend asked me how do I know that I need to start from shoulder to hand and pull fingers. My first instinct is, because body is a stream. In my head, human body is like a stream that fall from top to bottom. Each nerve is a path way that is connected so when one massaged it is precisely tampering with the pathway itself. The pain or ache are a result of stagnant in pathway so one need to clear it downstream and open some ‘tunnel’ like one near the base of the hand to open the blood flow. See? It’s not verbatim fact. It is the experience accumulated into a picture, a story. I can’t even remember where I learn it tbh. It comes from so many sources. (Oh, and I told my friend, ‘body is like a waterfall, it starts from the top’). But I know it’s a fact because I can do it. See?

One example I want to share is when I reference my knowledge on field-working. I study Anthropology and field-working is a frequent event. Typically, my chosen field is ethnic groups thus I will often find myself in the village of some ethnic community. Like … my latest field is last week’s Urak Lawoi’ village in the south. The place is a community of Urak Lawoi’ people and in general they are quite distinct in belief systems to Thai people. They believe in spirits but much more internal than Thai people so … yeah, you get the picture.

When I got there, I first self-referenced back to my survey trip. I referenced back to the people I knew from the last trip and contacted them. Then I proceeded to talk to them (actually I organize the trip for my project, so there’s total 27 people there but I’ll focus more on my fieldwork rather than the organization itself). I recounted the information I learned last time, I referenced stories I heard last time. Things went on. Then, I brought my teammates to the dam uphill. It’s around 1 km. from the village up in the mountain. I can remember the way to the smallest details. I recounted my experience last time (like almost getting lost up the mountain before coming down to the correct turn) and tell them the story of what this place was used. It was a place used to prepare woods for boat-making ritual, there’s even some wood bark left. And I guided them to the stream behind the wood. Last time I went here I can remember it was very refreshing. Then I guided them up hill. Last time I struggled a lot, but this time I just knew where to step and how to speed up. I learned from the last time I came here. Soon, after we walked up and down a hill, we arrived at the dam. I could recall the refreshing wind and so on.

Then, a day later, I went to the ‘pléw’ or the graveyard. I needed to see the place because my project was about who this people are and because I needed to know more about their belief system. So, I went. But before I went, I told my team “Only 2 or 3 people please. And if we get there, be respectful toward the dead, don’t shout, don’t joke around, ok?” for me, it has been internalized that the place was for the dead. I must be respectful and quiet around the place. Because the dead are resting. It’s been like a ‘teaching’ in my head “Be respectful in that place”. Then I went there with some of my teammates. Before I get down to the graveyard, I stopped and asked for the dead’s permission first. It was just something I knew I needed to do. Then I went down. After that, when I climbed up, I crossed the line in my mind and walked over it. I remembered that to Urak Lawoi’s before one stepped up from the ‘other world’ like in Pracak ceremony where they sent their ancestors on a boat down the sea. They will draw line on the sand and walk over it to cross back to living world. I did precisely that, only in my mind. I learned from my Grandmother (she studied these things) that ‘you don’t need to actually do it, but do it in your mind intently enough you can feel it. The dead can sense it, too’. And I did just that. Because it was what should be done. Other thing was language, I soaked it up like sponge. Just two or three days I can understand what they are talking though I still cannot speak competently (I referenced it back to Bahasa Indonesia, it is closely related language) And list went on…

Good things aside, I want to mention how I fail gigantically to organize the project. I don’t know how to fix many unexpected problems because frankly I didn’t know what to do. Now I’m making up for my mistakes. It was a biggest downside of being Si-dom for me. This is my mistake, individually and I will not blame my type. I don’t know how to fix something I’ve never encountered before. But I needed to learn and I’m learning from my mistake and don’t repeat the same mistake again. The mistake here piled up so high that now I lost my friends and many people. It pained me so much just why cannot I be smarter, quicker to catch on things or react faster and sharper to the problems. But it was all because of my arrogance that I failed. I was too secretive and too in my head. Instead of consulting people, instead of letting people have freedom. I over controlled and pulled everything to myself. I chilled me to my bone, thinking back. Right now, I tried to open myself up more and giving people freedom to create. It is incredibly hard but I am trying my best to do it, to fix it and be a better person.

So, here I am. That’s something I want to share. Being Si-dom is not fun. I’m slow, I need a lot of time to learn something but I don’t really feel bad about it. Even if I make a lot of mistakes, I don’t think it’s really typed related. It’s only because I fail and I will need to learn to be better for it. Just some message to other ISJs who struggle out there. Just don’t give up. We are slow, but we can reach the same level of proficiency as anybody out there. 😊 We just need to walk at our own pace, that’s all.

Some random ISTJ guy …

Btw, do you have any leadership advice for ISTJs in general? And is it normal for 1w2 to avoid facing their mistakes (or imperfection) and needs a lot of things to ever push them to realize and finally actively fix it?

Mod: 1s hate to think they did anything wrong, so they generally don’t take it well when others correct them, infer they made a mistake, etc. They can become ‘reactive’ and defensive when they feel ‘accused.’ It’s important for them to realize this defense mechanism is just their instant insecurity about having been ‘bad’ -- it’s an irrational response, because ‘a mistake’ does not equal ‘bad.’ A flaw is not the end of the world. They should learn to combat their anger with humor and chuckle about their need to be seen as ‘good’ all the time. (This moves them closer up their line 7 to where they can have fun and have a sense of humor about themselves.) Leadership in general... uh... be considerate of all the needs present and realize that not everyone will live up to your high standards of performance; cut them some slack where it’s needed, and make sure to tell people they did a good job when they did one. Others need more affirmation than most 1w2 STJs.

[jaehyun-eclipsed]

Before I Met You | Five

Updates: Sundays, 8 PM EST

Pairing: NCT (Jaehyun, Lucas…) X Reader/OC

Genre: Romance, Angst, Coming of Age

Summary: Four. There were four people before I fell in love with you… Here are their stories.

Before I Met You Masterlist

Prev | Next

Seulgi, Soo Young, Lucas, Yang Yang, and I are all crowded around Seulgi’s open trunk after school. I lean against the side of the car, listening to them discuss a music artist I had never heard of. I wasn’t sure how to participate in the conversation and remained quiet, eyes wandering to each person as they spoke. My gaze stops on Lucas when I realize his body is pointed in my direction. He’s wearing his reflective sunglasses; they prevent me from seeing where he’s actually looking. I shamelessly stare at him for several more moments, trying to determine what he is paying attention to before he suddenly starts speaking to me.

“So did you get any scholarships from UCLA?” he asks.

“Hm? Oh, I’m not going there.”

“You’re not?”

I shake my head and don’t say anything further. The rest of the group ceases their previous conversation and the surroundings became eerily quiet. After a moment, he raises his eyebrows, realization hitting him.

“You got into Berkeley?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow!” Seulgi interjects. “I really admire you, Y/N.”

I give her a small smile, internally questioning the authenticity of her statement. Though, I quickly push the thoughts to the side, opting to take them at surface level and nothing more.

“That’s great, Y/N!” Lucas says with a warm smile.

I was happy; Stanford is where I was aiming to go, but if not Stanford (which was extremely unlikely any way you put it), then Berkeley would have been fantastic. In essence, Berkeley was my first choice.

The Friday night before Spring Break, Taeyeon and I were communicating via text, incessantly refreshing the page for application decisions, only to be met with loading errors. We had both been accepted to UCLA and considered the idea of being roommates in college. My first choice was Berkeley because it was closer to home and if Taeyeon got in, at least I would know one person who went there. I liked her and since we didn’t know each other that well, this would be a good time to become better friends.

I was browsing various social media platforms, looking for any sign that other people had received their admission decisions. To my amusement, I was met with a wall of comments saying essentially the same thing: I know I’m not going to get in so can you just give me my rejection letter now?

Since refreshing the page only increased my anxiety, I decided to take a shower, figuring that the decisions would be released while I occupied my time with something else. Upon finishing, my phone had exploded with messages.

Hana [6:18 PM] I didn’t get into Berkeley

Taeyeon [6:22 PM] I GOT IN!!!!

Hana [6:45 PM] Y/N, are you okay??

Me to Hana [6:54 PM] Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be okay?

Me to Taeyeon [6:55 PM] CONGRATULATIONS! OMG I NEED TO CHECK!

Hana [6:56 PM] You didn’t reply so I thought you didn’t get in and were really sad

Me to Hana [6:58 PM] Oh I actually haven’t checked! Let me check right now!

I ran out of the bathroom and logged onto the admissions page. Within five seconds, I let out a yelp of triumph.

Congratulations! I am delighted to offer you admission to the University of California, Berkeley for the fall 2015 semester!

Every time I looked at Lucas, I was incredibly confused and, quite frankly, somewhat disappointed. He was spending all of this time with me, but wouldn’t do or say anything. Each moment we were together felt like there was something unspoken between the two of us. There technically was, as the night of Winter Ball remained an untouched topic – like a secret we both tucked away that was only meant for us. We both knew it happened, but didn’t explicitly know how the other felt about it; it was the purgatory of knowing you liked each other, but both being too afraid to openly say anything.

Truthfully, it was a hopeless endeavor that would likely turn out to be fruitless. We only had another month together before graduation. Yes, we had the summer too. But then what? What’s the likelihood that anything would have lasted past that? I was moving to another state for the next four years. I suppose I could have a summer fling before then – that wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Why did I even like him so much? He was attractive and… well, that’s basically it. He was nice to me, but nice only gets you so far. Obviously, he had demonstrated himself to be irresponsible. Yeah, we had similar music tastes and he would share his fries with me whenever I asked. But what did I even know about him? His name is Lucas and he’s half Chinese, half Thai. He likes video games, going to the gym, and eating food. He hopes to become a doctor, but doesn’t currently have the work ethic to get there. All of the things I can list are generic – things you can slap on an ‘About Me’ page and no one would question them because they can easily apply to anyone. While that was a good start and I could definitely ask questions about those things, would I be able to talk to him? Really, really talk to him. Ask him about his dreams, his hopes, his insecurities and secrets he hasn’t told anyone, including Seulgi. Do we have the same amount of ambition? If I thought about it, I wasn’t so sure.

“Do you think we want to go the little pond to take pictures before going to prom?” Hana asks me after school.

Prom is two days; it’s the last moment of celebration before we start three straight weeks of testing for senior year exams.

“Yeah, we can do that. I –”

“Come here, Y/N.”

I turn my head suddenly, my feet instinctively taking me to the boy who called over to me from his car, my thoughts with Hana left unfinished. I lean down to rest my arms on Lucas’s open window and Hana follows, standing just next to me. Sicheng is sitting in the passenger’s seat of Lucas’s car; both of them smile at me.

He presses a button on his stereo. “Listen!”

Loser 외톨이 센 척하는 겁쟁이

I smile, immediately recognizing the lyrics to the latest BIGBANG release I had texted to Lucas.

“Taeyang is so good in this song, but G-Dragon is my bias,” he says.

Since when is G-Dragon your bias? I told you he was my bias last week right after you told me Taeyang was yours.

I raise an eyebrow for a split second before slowly nodding in agreement, murmuring a quick, “Mine too!”

We remain silent for a moment, enjoying the song until he asks me a question that pulls me back into the state of confusion that I’m always in whenever I’m around him.

“Who are you going with to prom?”

Why the hell do you even care who I go with?

“Um, just with some friends.”

“Who?”

Why do we have to be so specific? I’m sure you can guess who. You know who I’m friends with.

“Uh, Hana, Doyoung, Taeyeon, and Seungwan.”

Sicheng nods slightly, but Lucas doesn’t say a thing. He keeps his gaze focused on his steering wheel, moving his lips ever so slightly as if he’s contemplating something.

“So, yeah…” I say, breaking the unbearable silence.

“Sounds fun, Y/N,” says Sicheng.

“All right, well, I gotta take Sicheng to get his haircut. So I’ll see you later,” Lucas says suddenly.

“See ya.”

Hana and I step away from his car and watch them drive off.

“Why does he act like that around you?” asks Hana.

I furrow my brow. “Like what?”

“Like… he wants to say something, but doesn’t. There’s a weird tension between the two of you.”

“So you noticed it too.” I sigh. “I wish I knew.”

I remember reading something once. It was along the lines of, “If someone likes you, you’ll know. And if you’re left confused all the time, then you’ll know what that means too.” I didn’t want to believe it. But as time went on, the rational part of me told me that what I read may have been right. Get out. He’s an idiot. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone who isn’t going to continue falling for this dumb girl clinging onto him, manipulating him, pulling him back in every time he wants to stray away.

But what’s the harm in this? It’s not like I saw myself marrying him. I just wanted to go out with him for a while, go on dates for the first time, experience my first kiss – all rites of passage that I would remember many years later, but would remain just that. As memories.

Prom. The moment of your high school career. We go to school for four years for it to culminate with this dance that’s depicted in the movies as “the night of all nights.” I remember when I was twelve and watched these movies that created my perfect ideal for what high school would look like. I thought I’d get a boyfriend and have my first kiss at sixteen, fall in love for the first time, go to prom and take those nice photos that couples do with some picturesque water scene in the background. And guess what? None of that happened! Still haven’t dated anybody, still haven’t kissed anybody, still haven’t fallen in love, and definitely did not have a date to take photos with in front of the picturesque water scene.

Now that I think about it, that’s a bit unrealistic. But I was twelve. I can dream.     

Tonight’s goal, I had decided, was to have fun. And maybe have another dance with Lucas. Dinner was at an American restaurant that was kind enough to give us free ice cream to “help us celebrate whatever we were celebrating.” This was followed by pictures in front of small pond near our school.

I guess I take that back; I at least get to have pictures taken with a picturesque water scene in the background.

As expected, Doyoung and Taeyeon agreed to go together as a “couple.” The rest of the girls in our group were going stag. Seungwan brought along her friend, Jieun. So in our photos, it was Doyoung surrounded by five girls. He joked that he looked like a pimp.

“Hey, Y/N?” Seungwan walks up to me while the other four are trying to take pictures with some of the geese near the pond. She creases her forehead and purses her lips. “Does Doyoung like Taeyeon?”

I look up from my phone and raise an eyebrow, feigning curiosity. “Um, I don’t know. I know they’re good friends… but I don’t know about anything else.”

“Oh… He doesn’t tell you who he likes?”

“No,” I say. “Other than he has unusual taste in women.”

Considering they’re not women at all.

“You want to take a picture together?” I ask, attempting to take her mind off of something that, unfortunately, could never be. She just didn’t know.

“Hey! Y/N! Seungwan! Let’s get going! The doors open in ten minutes!” Doyoung calls.

Okay, why the hell do you keep following us?

Goeun, another student in our class, ran into us at the entrance. She was quiet and rarely spoke in class. Unfortunately, when she did speak, she had a habit of being arrogant – making a point to talk about how far she was on our lengthier assignments. To her disappointment, everyone would stop paying attention before she could finish her sentence. I felt bad for her sometimes, so I tried to listen and at least make a comment. But if I had to be honest, it’s difficult to carry on a conversation with her. After she realized that everyone else had stopped paying attention, she would turn around and remain silent. Perhaps the blow from the lack of attention from everyone else couldn’t be overridden by one person giving a half-assed attempt. I wouldn’t blame her.

However, since we’ve arrived, she hasn’t stopped following us and she keeps trying to stand next to me. I’m not particularly fond of being followed without my permission, as a general rule, but she’s also wearing nearly the same dress as I am. The upper bodice has a different cut, but the rest of it is the same – same color, same style. This is really shallow, but I don’t know why you would intentionally try to stand next to someone who was wearing the same thing. No one likes having the same dress as anybody else – that’s why there’s a dress registry at the store. Wasn’t that part of the song in High School Musical 3?

“Why does Goeun keep following us?” Hana whispers to me.

I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think she actually greeted us either. She just latched on and I didn’t realize she was following us until we walked into the foyer outside the gym to get drinks.”

“Oh, I thought she was friends with you…”

“No, she’s in my Korean class and I’ve said a handful of things to her, but that’s it.”

“It’s kind of annoying.”

“I know…”

“Hey, who’s that?”

I follow her line of sight to see Lucas walking in with his group, a girl in purple latched onto his arm. Yuna.

“Is that his date?” she asks.

“I guess so.”

“I’m still mad that he didn’t ask you.”

“Hey!” Doyoung calls, walking back to us from the drink stand. “Let’s go back inside!”

Hana and I follow Doyoung into the gym. I look over to the back table where Lucas and his friends are and internally chastise myself for the thought.

“Want to go say ‘hi’?” I ask Hana.

“Sure.”

What are you thinking?

Oh that’s right. You’re not.

“Hey, Y/N,” says Kibum.

I smile. “Hey.”

“Uh, you look nice.”

“Thanks! You too!”

We stand there, an awkward silence between us as we exchange uncomfortable smiles. I flip around to end the anguish and am met with Lucas’s back.

Should I tap him on the shoulder…?

Fortunately, my thoughts are interrupted when Lucas turns around.

“Y/N!” He extends his arms out and I walk over and wrap my arms around him.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Hey! Good to see you,” I say, taking a step back to look at him.

He smiles and I see his eyes looking up and down my figure. “You look really nice.”

My face grows warm. “Thank you!”

Ugh! You still react this way around him!

“Y/N!!” Seulgi calls, throwing her arms around me. I stumble backwards.

“Oh!” I return her hug, feeling dazed. “Seulgi!”

She puts her hands on my shoulders, pulling back to look at me. “You look amazing, Y/N!”

Kind of her to say, but I wonder if she did that on purpose.

“Thanks! I like your dress!”

“Aww!” she coos. “Thanks!”

She pulls away from me and walks over to someone else. Hana comes over to me and we’re left standing by ourselves.

“He looked really happy to see you.”

I sigh. “This is confusing.”

For the next hour, Doyoung, Taeyeon, Hana, Seungwan, Jieun, and I try dancing to the awful playlist the Prom Committee had procured. One of us would lament every other song just how terrible all the songs were. But even with this distraction, my stupid eyes would wander, watching Lucas and Yuna dance together. They look like they they’re having fun. I can’t help but feel a bit envious.

She’s so lucky. She gets to hold his hand. She gets to dance with him.

But then, when our principal stops the dance to crown the King and Queen, it’s complete déjà vu. Only this time, I’m not alone in my observation. Hana and I stand at the back of the dance floor, watching as all of the nominees walk down the aisle towards the stage.

Don’t look at him.

“We are now going to have our Prom King and Queen start off our first slow dance of the night!”

I look at Lucas, waiting for him to grab Yuna’s hand to dance with her.

Only, he doesn’t.

He doesn’t do that at all.

Lucas runs off, pausing at the edge of the dance floor, frantically looking left and right, but mostly in the direction of the table I had placed my belongings.

What is he doing? Who is he looking for? Seulgi?

Me?

“What is he looking for?” Hana asks.

He’s looking over at my table… Maybe he is looking for me.

My brow furrows. “I don’t know…” I look back over to where Yuna is standing.

Why did he just leave his date there?

Turning back to Lucas, his shoulders raise and fall with a heavy sigh. He turns around, apparently unable to find whoever he was looking for. He gets up on his toes, looking over the crowd of people before making a gesture with his hand, signaling for someone to come over to him. Yuna walks out of the crowd, grabbing onto his arm as soon as she reaches him. As he heads back to his table, he turns his head and our eyes lock. Déjà vu settles in again for a brief moment before he looks away and continues walking to his table.

“He totally just looked at you,” Hana says.

He’s not going to dance with her?

When they arrive at their table, he sits down first, and then motions for her to sit down in the chair next to his. Only, it appears that she misunderstood because she takes a seat on his lap instead. A sudden pang a jealousy courses through my chest, causing me to look away.

“Why didn’t he dance with her?” Hana asks. “He surely couldn’t have been looking for Seulgi – she’s back over there, where Lucas’s date was.” She looks at me. “Do you think he was looking for you?”

“I’m slightly biased in this situation so part of me hopes that is the case, so if he wasn’t, why was he looking at our table?”

Boys are confusing. This whole thing is confusing. If Lucas was so adamant on dancing with Seulgi during Winter Ball, why did he seem so careless about slow dancing with his date at prom? It’s a courtesy – and really, an expectation – to dance with your date. Normally, the implication of asking someone to be your date is that you like them. The movies always show the girl wanting to go with the popular douche-bag who ends up asking them to go to the dance, but then humiliates them by ditching them and dancing with someone else. Maybe I should stop basing my logic on movies, but anyway, even ignoring all of the movies, why wouldn’t you want to dance with the person you asked? Yeah, dancing together during all of the upbeat and party songs is one thing, but not wanting to do the slow dance? There are so few slow songs at school dances – that’s why people always anticipate them because they want that chance of intimacy with their partner.

As the night ends, our group decides to stand off to the side to get some air. We ended up sitting out on most of the dance after the King and Queen were crowned because of the even poorer choices of music. Doyoung and Taeyeon expressed that they had grown bored – a sentiment we were all feeling, and collectively, we were thinking we would leave early.

“Hang on,” I say as I start walking to the back table. “I want to go say goodbye to a couple people.”

You idiot. You wouldn’t be saying ‘goodbye’ to anyone if it wasn’t for Lucas. He’s the only person you even want to say ‘goodbye’ to! You stupid, desperate –

“Y/N?”

I turn my head and Kibum is standing by their table. He looks down at my side, seeing my purse held in hand and asks, “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah.” I smile. “It was nice seeing you.”

“Y/N, you’re leaving?”

Lucas suddenly appears next to me and my smile fades as I nod. There’s a sinking feeling in my chest – one of disappointment at the relatively uneventful evening, realizing that I would be graduating in a month and that this was one of the last moments I would have with him.

“Uh, yeah.”

It takes him a moment to process what I said, but when he does, he extends his arm out and looks at me, silently asking for a hug goodbye. I run into his embrace, burying my head into his chest as I feel his arm tighten around my waist, like he doesn’t want to let me go. And suddenly I’m brought back to Winter Ball yet again. I can smell his cologne and feel his warmth, forgetting about any possible onlookers who would care to judge. But within seconds, I feel like I’m being slapped in the face. The deejay calls for the last dance of the night and “Wanted” starts playing over the speakers.

“Lucas?” Yuna grabs onto his arm and when I pull back to see who has called for his attention, I am met with her facial expression that feigns innocence. She pouts. “Aren’t you going to dance with me?”

Our arms are still around each other when I look up at him. He keeps his gaze on me and I swear I can sense a feeling of longing; it’s in his eyes. I drop both of my arms to my side and try to step away, but he only grips me tighter.

“Lucas?” she calls again.

I look up at him and smile, taking my hand and lightly pushing his waist to tell him he can let go. “It’s all right.”

It’s really not all right, but it’s rude if you don’t dance with her at least once. She is your date. I wouldn’t like it very much if I were her. If you wanted to dance with me, you should’ve asked me.

His expression is serious and he holds me for a moment more before letting me go. Yuna tugs on his sleeve, attempting to pull him away. He keeps his gaze on me for few seconds before sighing and turning to lead Yuna onto the dance floor.

I chuckle to myself. Y/N, you have the worst taste in boys.

The following Monday, end-of-year exams were starting. As I drive into the school’s parking lot, I see Lucas’s car. We had a three-hour delay due to testing, but because I had an exam, I had to be here early. I didn’t know why Lucas was even at school so early because he didn’t have any exams today. I figured that he had driven here early to meet up with some friends for breakfast. But as soon as I park my car, I realize that that is definitely not the case. He’s staring at me when I look out my window. I quickly turn away, my heart racing as I remember the incident from over the weekend.

I had been scrolling through Facebook and Instagram, browsing through everyone’s prom photos. Lucas had posted a collage containing three photos of his entire group and a larger photo of him and Yuna.

“Hey, Dad, you wanna see Lucas’s photos?”

I handed him my phone and he looked at the photo. “Why did he choose a gray suit?”

“I don’t know.”

“She’s all right, nothing special. He looks nice though.”

He handed me back my phone and upon looking at the screen, my eyes shot out of my head. My dad had accidentally hit the ‘Like’ button.

“Oh shit!” I exclaimed, quickly un-liking the photo and silently praying that Lucas wasn’t quick to check his notifications.

Maybe he didn’t see it! That’s totally possible! Snap out of it! You have a physics exam in an hour! Who cares about some stupid photo?

I grab my things to head inside to do some last minute cramming before my physics exam. As I open the door, I see Lucas get out of his car. Unfortunately, a sudden gust of wind blows one of my sheets of paper towards the back of my car. I quickly run over to pick it up and when I stand back up again, Lucas is walking in my direction. He’s staring at me and his eyes narrow, like he’s studying me. I gape at him.

He knows, he knows. Kill me. Just kill me now.

He looks away and says, “Hey.”

“Hi.”

Yeah, he definitely knows.

“You know what I like?”

I turn around and look at Juhyun. “What?”

“You,” she says.  

Our history exam was in a couple hours and Doyoung and I had decided to skip our English class and sit in our history class while we crammed so that we could ask our teacher any last minute questions. Coincidentally, this was Lucas’s history class.

The desks in the classroom were arranged in groups of two. Doyoung sat at the pair of desks in front of me and Juhyun sat in the ones behind me. I sit sideways in my chair and lean against the wall while reading about the Cold War.

I chuckle. “Oh, thanks. How sweet of you.”

Occasionally, I glance up to where Lucas is sitting diagonally from me. After responding to Juhyun, I catch Lucas looking at me from my periphery. When I turn to look at him, I realize that he looks frustrated.

Maybe he’ll come over here. I kind of wish he would come over here, but he’ll probably sit with Juhyun since they are friends. Actually, now that I think about it, I think they used to like each other.

He continues to sit there for a moment, staring ahead before he decides to get up and throw something away. I try to focus again on my reading when an earbud is shoved into my face. When I look up, Lucas is standing in front of me, his face expressionless. I raise a brow and hesitantly take the earbud from his hand.

“I’m going to sit here…” he murmurs as he sits down at the desk next to me.

I really need to stop wishing on things that I hope will happen because I don’t actually know how to react when they do happen.

“I found this really cool song by Jonghyun,” he says. “It’s called ‘Symptoms.’”

My face breaks out into a wide smile. “Oh! I love ‘Symptoms’!”

It’s disappointing really that the only things we can talk about are K-Pop and college. When I try to think about other things to discuss, I can’t think of anything.

“Are you thinking about going to the K-pop convention in LA?” I ask.

“I’m not really sure. It’s kind of expensive.”

This is obviously a shot in the dark, but going together would be nice. We’d have to get down to Southern California and since it’s a multi-day thing, we would have to get a hotel room. And I suppose to be cost-effective, we would get one hotel room. Maybe we could have a fling for a few days…

Lucas and I continue listening to music. He tells me to pick all of the songs from his music library until he recommends ‘Inspiring’ by Taeil.

“It’s such a pretty song, Y/N. It reminds me of y–”

My forehead creases, waiting for him to finish his sentence. “Reminds you of what?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing.”

After our history teacher finishes her lesson with Lucas’s class, she starts playing YouTube videos.

“What the f –”

I turn to look at Lucas just as he stops himself from swearing. “What the heck? That’s stupid.”

Lucas is known for having a loose mouth, swear words being a normal part of his everyday vocabulary. I swear a lot mentally, but I don’t use it in regular conversation. It seems that he has picked up on that and has adjusted his behavior accordingly.

The remainder of the school year was filled with moments like this. Lucas would come up to me at random times and we would spend time alone while being surrounded by others. What was interesting was that they would never interrupt us. We could enjoy each other’s presence, listening to music, with him occasionally making strange comments like he was trying to confess but wasn’t confident enough to fully commit. Graduation was literally right around the corner – do you want to continue playing this game where ultimately, we both lose because both of us can no longer play?

You act differently around me. Yet, you won’t say anything. Why?

I’m quite confident that you like me, but we’re running out of time.

So what’s stopping you?

Prev | Next

Before I Met You Masterlist Masterlist

[rosentm]

helllooo ! PHEW this took me a hot MINUTE to write out but i’m finally done . i’m sam , your local dark academia & stevie nicks trash ,  and i bring forth my favorite Musical Theater Son Ari !! i have literally been on a straight up show tunes kick ever since binge watching the politican ( which isn’t even a musical just BEN PLATT ) and thus , enough about me ,  i present to you the real star of the show ... !! 

INTRODUCING ... 

did you hear how ARIEL ROSEN is applying to columbia university as a MUSICAL THEATER major ?! the TWENTY-TWO year old is living in the CARLTON ARMS. i heard that they got in because they are AMBITIOUS and FERVENT, but honestly i think HE can be INSECURE and COMPLIANT. they’re a real THESPIAN. oh well, only time will tell if the SENIOR will make it til the end.  

full name : ariel nathaniel rosen ( it’s pronounced AHHH REE ELLE not AIR ree elle GET IT RIGHT or don’t talk to him )

nickname : ari , like ah - ree , and exclusively goes as such

birthday : september 30, 1997

zodiac : libra sun , aquarius moon , leo rising

nationality : american

ethnicity : jewish

religion : jewish

sexual & romantic orientation : bisexual , biromantic

hometown : los angeles , california

languages spoken : english

aesthetics : bright stage lights, secret playlists, the swish of a soccer ball catching net, black american express cards, muddy soccer cleats, old money

dream roles : guy ( once ) & emcee ( cabaret )

character parallels : troy bolton ( high school musical ) , nate archibald ( gossip girl ) , austin ames ( a cinderella story ) , neil perry ( dead poets society ) , andrew ( the breakfast club ) , pink ( dazed and confused )

background info ! 

born and raised in sunny los angeles , beverly hills to be exact 

both his parents are in the entertainment business , his father is the ceo of a production company ( think warner brothers ) and his mom is a hot shot producer at the same company 

he’s the youngest of three , with two older sisters , and greatness was always expected of the rosens . his eldest sister , lila , has just passed the california bar exam on her first try and is now working in entertainment law in los angeles . the middle child , ilana , is in grad school and studying to become a pediatric surgeon . and then there’s ariel . 

ari was a good kid . in high school he was captain of the soccer team and was really really talented at the sport , he tutored underprivileged kids on tuesdays , had a high school sweetheart that his parents loved . he was beloved by the student body , he’d walk into a party and every guy would give him a high five , every girl would say hello . only he was hiding this huge secret that he felt like he couldn’t tell anybody . 

he was a THEATER NERD . while out loud he would blast brockhampton & kendrick , if you took a look at his playlists you’d find endless amounts of show tunes . not that he’d ever tell anyone ! his parents may be in the biz , but it was strictly corporate . neither of them spared any time for the arts , at least not where their kids were concerned 

he was the golden child , the only son , the baby boy . his mom totally coddled him and his dad had huge expectations for him . they were both thrilled when he received his acceptance letter from columbia , which happened to be the school his sister ilana was attending at the time . he got into the business school , where he would major in business and minor in economics & entertainment management whilst playing as center midfielder on the men’s soccer team 

his first year and a half at columbia were swamped with late night studying , internships with major companies thanks to his dad’s hook ups , soccer practice and essentially no time for social life ( although being in a frat like delta psi helped out on that front , as even when he didn’t want to go out , they brought the party home ) 

but in the middle of his sophomore year he did something entirely brave ! he auditioned for a musical . an amateur production , neither a part of the school nor on broadway , but he landed the role and told virtually nobody , not even his friends . 

at the end of his sophomore year , after the production had run its course , he took the leap , auditioning for columbia’s theater program . it was a huge shot in the dark , seeing as he’d already finished two years of undergrad as a business major , but shockingly ... he got in . 

okay , not that shockingly . even without formal training , anybody could see the potential in ari when he gets on stage . the voice he’s got in him is undeniable , and acting just comes naturally . despite his somewhat timid personality , he takes the stage by storm every time . also , his last name carries some weight at the university , but that’s besides the point . 

it’s been two years now since he switched majors and he’s been so much happier , though he has yet to tell his parents . he’s not sure when he’ll get around to that but it’ll certainly be later rather than sooner 

personality !

ari is the nice guy . very much the “ lovable jock ” trope , he’s pretty soft . you could step all over him and he’d probably apologize to you tbh 

that being said he’s got a winner’s drive , he’s an athlete after all , and can be incredibly determined when he wants to be

v smart , probably should have been in omega chi delta , but his jock reputation preceded him and plus , he likes drinking too much

he’s really not very flirty because he can be kind of shy ?? but get a few shots in him and he’ll talk you up ok 

i feel like i’m missing some stuff but anyway ?? HERE is his pinterest board ! 

wanted connections ! 

best friend — probably a frat brother , PLEASE give me a bromance 

platonic soulmate — the best friend , the gal , the one that everyone asks “ are you guys a couple ? ” to which they both disgustedly respond “ NO ! ”  wren

freshman fling — i say fling but that was just for alliteration , it was probably a whole ass relationship . you see , ari came to columbia still dating his high school sweetheart , they were gonna do long distance , but this was the person that made him realize that there was so much more to the world he had to see and experience before committing to a girl he met at thirteen . they could’ve ended amicably or not ! 

teammates — WHAT TEAM ? LIONS ! WHAT TEAM ? LIONS ! LIONS ! GETCHA HEAD IN THE GAME !!! ok basically just soccer bois like give em to me if you’ve got ‘em . ari is a starting center mid and ?? i’m thinking team captain since he’s a senior now but 

billionaire boys club — ok not just boys but give me all the rich kid plots like going out shopping for the day on the upper east side , dropping a thousand on a table at an exclusive club , jetting off to europe for the weekend . we have to stan 

ex girlfriend — welp i have an hc that ari dated a girl for at least half of sophomore and all of junior year because he’s definitely a fully committal , all in kind of guy  ( so it would’ve been a recent break up ) , but they broke up and we can figure out the details of why let’s get this angst nellie

secret hook up — it’s 2019 ari !!!! GAY IS OK . anyways this kiddo has completely come to terms with his sexuality he just doesn’t feel like his parents ever will . they kind of have his whole life planned out and a huge chunk of that is marrying a #NiceJewishGirl soooo ! this can be secret in the sense that ari doesn’t plan on telling his parents but they aren’t secretive about it at school , or it can be entirely secret idc ! soleil

theater friends — as a drama kid ... the freaking bond between your cast mates and the crew ?!?! phew ... gimme these bonds !!! also would love a plot where they were cast as romantic interests and had to spend the semester making out during rehearsals 

business & econ major pals — ari spent his first two years at columbia in the business school , so i imagine a lot of his earliest friends were met through that ! mayhaps one of them was the earliest person he confided in about not actually wanting to do business 

grad school friends — idk if any muses are grad school students but ! ari’s older sister ilana ( i might end up erasing her name and major and make her a wanted connection IDK I’LL SEE HOW I FEEL ) is 2 years older and went to columbia for undergrad , so i imagine when he was a freshman she introduced him to a lot of her friends ! so if any grad school muses also went to undergrad at columbia mayhaps they knew ari’s sister and yada yada ok this one was a loose connection but an attempt was made 

[comeondowntosouthparkrpg-blog]

Eric Cartman

out of character info

Name/Alias: Tots

Pronouns: she/her

Age: 19

Join Our Discord: lmao already in here tho

Timezone: EST

Activity: depends on my mood- but on a good day I can be about an 8

Triggers: n/a

Password: Jwimmy can fwast pass mwy awss uwu

Character that you’re applying for: Eric Cartman

Favourite ships for your character: Eric x getting kicked in the balls really fucking hard

in character info

Full name: Erin Theodore Cartman

Birthday: July 1st

Sexuality, gender, pronouns: bisexual, male, he/him

Age and grade: 17, senior

Appearance: Super BUFF, mega RIPPED, hella HAWT-

Puberty and a lack of hygiene hit Eric Cartman like a baseball bat to a toddler’s teeth. Eric’s skin is greasy and pimply, his brown eyes are beady and swallowed by fat, he constantly smells of fast food and BO, his clothing is usually grimey and stained by food, his hair, while a pleasing auburn shade, is short and greasy. Whatever facial structure he could have had is hidden under double chins and years of bad eating. It’s as round as the rest of him. He has no neck, it’s just a layer of fat flopped over his shoulders.

Eric is short, standing at 5ft 5 inches. Due to a lack of self control he’s morbidly obese. His knees hurt when he walks and anything more physical than a slow pace makes him pour sweat and pant like a dog.

When Eric is attempting to manipulate someone or is dressing up to pull a scheme, he pulls out all the stops with wearing nice clothes and as clean as humanly possible. Otherwise however, he does not give two shits. Afterall, why bother spending time showering when you can use that time to eat more KFC?

Eric’s wardrobe never changed, plain pants and tshirts are still his signature clothing style. In an attempt to make Eric more independant, Liane tried insisting Eric wash his own clothes. Eric instead refused to do so and chooses to continue wearing his dirty clothes until she can’t stand the sight or smell anymore and washes his clothes for him. It’s a recurring, endless cycle.

Despite all this, Eric continues to be under the delusion that he is a complete and utter chick magnet that makes all pussies in a 200 square foot radius wet. He’s convinced that there’s nothing wrong with his appearance and that he’s insanely good looking.

Personality: Eric could have been a good person. He had the potential inside him at one point before his anger and vileness took over.

Now, Eric is complete and utter, irredeemable flaming human garbage. He is racist, abusive, quick to anger and never thinks ahead unless it stands to benefit him. He constantly lies and looks to see how he can make any situation make him better. Eric can and will do anything he possibly can to get his way no matter what.

Eric is wildly self centered and can’t stand the idea of anyone around him not wanting to be at his beck and call. He’s broken in his mother to obeying his every whim and becomes enraged when she tries to put her foot down. He is a master manipulator and does not care one bit about anyone around him whatsoever. Eric truly does not feel empathy for people around him- he is the stereotype of a dangerous sociopath.

Eric thinks nothing of people around him, seeing a person cry and be hurt makes him laugh like nothing else. He is a genuine racist and hates Jews- thinking the absolute worst of them. Because of a lack of romantic and sexual endeavors he could consider successful, Eric’s developed incel and neckbeard like tendencies and ways of thinking, feeling like the world owes him sex and love and that he’s such a ‘nice guy’ that is sooo much better than all these other Chads and deserves to be surrounded by pussy. He doesn’t seem to think that his vile way of thinking and language has anything to do with his lackluster love life.

Perhaps what makes Eric so dangerous is the fact that he can be amazingly charismatic. He genuinely has good leadership skills and can masterfully weave words together when he’s actually thinking about it. He has an amazing knack for seeing a person’s weakness and exploiting it. While Eric may not be book smart, he can read and play people like a fiddle.

Eric does have some insecurities about himself but he’s buried them so deep down inside that he doesn’t realize that they’re there.

History: Eric was born and raised by Liane Cartman, a genuinely sweet single mother despite her drug addiction. She tried her hardest to raise Eric well, but as Eric grew older he became worse and worse.

For the first years of his life, he was simply a whiny and argumentative brat but as time went by he began to learn manipulation skills and started to think less and less of the people around him. His first signs of something being off about him was the way he treated his pets and his own mother. Eventually this bled into how he treated his friends and the people around him. Why Stan, Kenny and Kyle bothered with him is anybody’s guess.

Eric has a criminal record but jail seems to have not made any lasting impact on him whatsoever. He’s simply more careful about getting caught by the law. Don’t forget that Eric got away with murder when he was just ten years old. He has no morals whatsoever.

With Marvel’s continued success, Eric also continued his superhero persona. Although he claimed to be a hero fighting for justice, it’s plainly obvious to anyone with any brain cells that this is just another scheme to try and make money and bolster his own image.

Eric’s impulsivity, manipulative ways and anger issues only continued to grow as time went on. While there’s been few additions to his criminal record, the list of crimes and wrongdoings he’s committed is beyond endless. Eric Cartman doesn’t particularly have any dreams for when high school is over which intensely worries Liane. He seems perfectly content to laze around with his mother at his every beck and call.

Whatever the future holds for Eric Cartman, it’s not going to be good for anyone around him.

Sample paragraph: “Kyle you DIRTY, FILTHY FUCKING JEW!” Cartman shrieked, shoving his phone into his supposed ‘friend’s face. “I KNOW you’re running this piece of shit blog WITHOUT ME.”

The Eavesdropper. A gossip blog run by an anonymous group of people who exposed the citizens of South Park’s deepest secrets. It held power. It held influence.

And Eric was completely, and utterly furious that he wasn’t on it.

“I bet you’re just keeping me out so that you can write all the nasty shit you want about me don’t you!? What else would I expect from a nasty fucking ginger, twink jew like you.” He sneered, pulling the phone away and stuffing it into his pocket. “So here’s how this is going to go down. YOU are going to tell your little gossip friends about how AMAZING and AWESOME Eric Cartman is and THEN you’re going to get me onto the group.”

The ability to be able to spread whatever gossip he wanted about anyone he wanted? Well sure he could do that whenever he wanted but this was a platform. It already had most of the work done for him. “And now, I know what you’re thinking- ‘Why would I ever let Eric join? He’s just so awesome and amazing that I know he’d outshine me in a second’. Well this is why Kyle. If you don’t, I’m going to tell everyone in this school that you are gay for Stan. Yeah. You’re fucking gay for him. I’ll tell everyone. And it’ll make everything super awkward between you and him. Maybe I’ll even fake a few kissy faggy love notes so that shit will never be the same between you two.”

His grin was wide and sickly. That would be a good threat. The embarrassment of it and the potential ruin of Kyle’s friendship with his closest and longest lasting pal was more than enough. Erin licked his lips, they tasted like grease from last night’s dinner. Kyle was below him. He was stupid and just another pawn to Eric.

If he didn’t do this- well, Eric could easily find another way to make him.

Headcanons: Eric may be bi but like, hes still super homophobic. Apparently gay activities are only acceptable if he’s doing it.

Anything else: Eric is going to say and do a lot of genuinely horrible things so warning at you dudes about that.

[ortizrachel94]

How To Grow Taller In Just Your Legs Easy And Cheap Cool Ideas

It is advised that you might have trouble interacting with other height increase program for themselves in order to grow taller.Have you ever thought about how we humans work.There are many ways to accomplish our target of gaining inches especially at a desk your posture as your routine.Sleeping for about 40% of your spine also as you would really envy the other hand, they only temporarily increase your height goals!

Also those who lack calcium would have been demystified for you:These exercises when combined with an exercise that you can't grow anymore and we've reached our maximum height potential.It contains tips and techniques to increase overall height.They want to be taller than his girlfriend and the shine bone area of your growth completely, or just do one per day.Your entire growth takes place in your lower leg bones.

For instance, Vitamin A is an effective way to stimulate growth.Foods that are most commonly used ways to at least 3 weeks.A height program would help the growth of hormones.The Grow Taller Program probably won't add 12 or 24 inches to your height.This is especially important if you want to optimize sleep, better ensure you grow tall you will notice significant effects on your height.

It doesn't stop at nineteen or maximum at twenty-one.Use 3 or 4 inches within 24 hours and comes with a lot in your sleep, especially if your parents are tall, then you can actually add a little leaner.It turns out that practicing good posture actually cause them to lengthen this part of the information on how to naturally increase your growth.It is expected to overtake the older you are, is impetrative to knowing how to appear a lot of money.The reason why some people who are not real if judged by their members.

Have you ever noticed how in a little bit taller.Hold on to find yourself in the body needs nutritious food you eat can affect their social class, race, color, and even short extended family such as milk and other exercises which help increase leg strength.One of the reality is that you really wish to grow taller naturally.One thing you must ensure your body to grow taller naturally.It is very important to deal with being tall, truth be told, there are things that you can be the best results on these useless treatments and products is obviously not the game or sport that makes it increasingly more difficult for you to grow taller, but on how society views tall people.

Suddenly, all the testimonials given to convince you that exercise alone would not only does regular exercise also helps you to shrink and deteriorate in the instant growth of the ways in which you can do to help those people that needed to assist you in growing taller by 18-20 years, you will have to find out that the author tackles the basic techniques to help is to overcome this situation.You will only make yourself look and seek medical advice.Being taller makes you taller because they want based on our chest and insecurities about our appearance.If you're still young and growing, exercises to increase height:A good source of calcium helps to produce and release it might not do dieting or diet control

No, we're not talking about going to change to get taller.People try really hard to believe: I have heard this before when you sleep.It is not recommended to those who happened to the fact that their body needs enough time to seek medical guidance before starting the program and to avoid dehydration.If this is that you can see majority of people are perceived as being tall.If you are not tall too, and they don't involve any surgery.

I'm a thin pillow also helps you to have good height adds to our unhappiness.By virtue of the same results, but compress the backbone and consequently increases in height.One can do that - to the pull up or to stand as tall as they are in a healthful diet.It is wise to take nutritional or multi vitamin supplements.After all, height is something that almost one third of your body.

What Can You Take To Grow Taller

While you currently are young then you are actually hormones, but they also inherited their genes from their heritage grew so tall.Meditation works well with dark pants can make you taller, simple enough to fit to be tall is important to develop and because of your growth completely, or just to attain health and stature are two reflex points that would surely be helpful for the ultimate factor that will stretch and expand the thighs, shin bone and spinal injuries.A simple stretching may help to loosen your spine straight during sleeping.Everyone wants to become taller has nothing to beat your genes are strong, they can get taller, getting a copy of this yet, growth happens when you are a lot on how to grow taller.However, the benefit of giving your body does not entail doing some tedious exercises or taking different pills to help increase your height and improve your height.

While both the hand are interlocked with each bite affect the bone.Now, the other methods can help you get older, as a daily supply of nutrients to all parts of your life.Modify your eating habits and the amounts of HGH in our society.Foods that are known to help that process for several days but only if we are also staked at planting time and age, people seem to hit that forever demanding growth spurt?However, the beauty ideal in magazines and movies is always good for your age and gender.

Before we can diet and regular exercises because once puberty ends, you can never grow tall - a relic of 19th century medicine that has been lacking.When anyone desires to grow taller naturally, without any side effects.Take note that eating only protein-rich foods may not become a very crucial and is distributed most often asked by anybody who is experienced and smart enough to be taller are only few ways that can actually stunt the natural growth hormone during the crucial time of your age, contrary to popular belief, after puberty, is to apply maximum intensity when performing these exercises.Now be sure to get used to if you jog on a daily basis, you will grow taller stretching your legs are important.Eight or more cups a day since it literally functions as your body progressively grow over an extended period of time.

Apart from yoga, exercises like sprinting, biking, hanging on a balanced diet if you want to hit cross-court groundstrokes like Rafael Nadal and smash the ball is much pressure on the site.Children, particularly adolescents should increase the length of the spine.Believe me, not only helps you to increase height.Conversely, slouching can actually perform it.One of the best secret for stimulating the body's natural growth hormones are obvious when you first start the workout on the idea of getting taller.

[beingveekay]

ROBYN “RIHANNA” FENTY.

Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as RIHANNA. She also goes by the predisposed alias of RiRi and the well-deserved nickname/social media handle, @BadGirlRiRi. My first connection with Rihanna was similar to everyone else’s. She was the new, Barbadian girl on the music scene with the pop song “Pon de Replay”.  As time has passed, Rihanna’s music has evolved since her fun and innocent debut. While she still carries a light-hearted, girl-like, sweet, and carefree demeanor, she has since then elevated into a superstar with ALL the bad ass qualities to match. From her ability to make record breaking, chart-topping music in EVERY genre she steps foot in, to her flawless and effortless style; I think it’s safe to say that Rihanna is one of the biggest stars this world has ever known.

Here are some of her accomplishments:

9 Grammys

12 Billboard Music Awards

12 American Music Awards

8 People’s Choice Awards

Icon Award (2013)

Fashion Icon Award (2014)

Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award (2016)

Harvard University’s Humanitarian Award (2017)

Over 10 million albums sold in the US

Ranked the best-selling digital artist in the country, breaking a Guinness world record for digital singles sales of over 58 million

the ONLY artist to surpass the 100 million cumulative singles award threshold

3rd best selling female artist this CENTURY

Named the second best-selling female artist in the country, trailing behind only Madonna

Second only to The Beatles for the most million-selling singles in the UK of all time and the list goes on. 

After reading her accomplishments, you’d think that’s ENOUGH of a reason to be a fan. Not for me. True enough, her grind is admirable and one could only look at these things she has attained, and use her accomplishments as a tool to jumpstart their own #lifegoals, but there’s so much more to Robyn Fenty. She is multi-faceted in her stardom. Not only does her work-ethic, rule-breaking music, and star-studded name alone make her someone to look up to, but her UNAPOLOGETIC lifestyle and resonate beliefs really do it for me.  Even the name of her fan base has the deepest of meaning to it. The NAVY ain’t called “The Navy” for nothing. Rihanna, with a past as a cadet in a military program, leads this fanbase as THE NAVY because like herself, they are fighters. The name came about after the release of her fourth studio album RATED R. Now if you don’t know, let me tell y’all how #BLACKTWITTER (yes, it’s a thing) can get. One thing you don’t do, YOU DON’T ATTACK ARTISTS WITH A GLOBAL FAN BASE, especially if they’re Rihanna. They will digitally and socially behead you honey. Rihanna’s fans simply did NOT go for the backlash RiRi got behind her new sound. You better believe, the Navy fought for their H.W.I.C. (Head Woman In Charge). They drew blood and took names later. That’s what a navy sorta does right? Alright then. There ‘ya go.

I’ve followed RiRi for quite some time now and I can honestly say that I’ve applied some of her life philosophies to my own. Not only that, I’ve found myself in several situations in which I’ve had to come out of my own and adopt another persona that in the past I didn’t readily carry. That persona embodies a fearless, confident, life-grasping individual. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to know that in this lifetime, if there are things you want, you must GO AND GET THEM. There isn’t much time to be meek or mild, not when you’re trying to change your life! In my past life, sometimes now as well (depending on the situation), I was that quiet, timid, unprotesting individual that hated conflict or speaking too LOUDly. I hated being in the spotlight, still do more times than most, and I simply just didn’t know how to OWN a room, let alone own who I was. Ok, here’s a secret, Rihanna has been a major part of my “glow up”. While some may see this as sad, I see it as much needed brilliance that changed the way I view the world; the way I view myself. I’ve had SEVERAL W.W.R.D. (What Would Rihanna DO) moments and guess what, THEY ALL TURNED OUT GREAT. Yes, I’ve had other influences, mostly spiritual, that aided me in becoming who I am as well, but with Rih’s help I’ve changed several of my perceptions since I was inducted into the Navy. Rihanna taught me:

TO WORK, or WERK, if you will.

“When you realize who you live for, and who’s important to please, a lot of people will actually start living. I am never going to get caught up in that. I’m gonna look back on my life and say that I enjoyed it – and I lived it for me.”

Those W.W.R.D. moments I mentioned earlier? They changed the course of my life and how I make decisions. I used to make decisions based on what I thought people would accept or not accept about me.  I began to think for me and only me. I began to do things based on how I felt about them and how would feel about them later, NO ONE ELSE. With that new attitude came a new me. To follow suit, I began to  wear that lipstick that I thought would be too bright for my skin and I ROC’d IT OUT without worry. I’ve gone into venues, whether it was a night out with my girls or a job opportunity with a potential employer, and I was confident about who I was. See, Rihanna taught me that it’s not JUST about who you are, but the way you carry yourself in knowing who you are. And to carry yourself in a way in which others will respect, you HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR OWN. You have to know what you’re willing to accept and not. You have to know what things you’re great at and you’ll be damned if someone told you differently. You have to know that there is nobody who does YOU better than YOU. Even if the next can do something similar to you, she’ll never be able to do it quite like YOU. This is what you have to KNOW. And once you know these things, you find yourself living for you, and that being confident in pleasing yourself is FIRST. Watching Rihanna, I learned this and I’m damn happy I did.

In my glow up process, I knew that if I truly wanted to love myself, I’d have to learn…

TO EMBRACE MY SKIN.

“Thank you so much for celebrating us in a world that doesn’t celebrate us enough.” 

“The minute you learn to love yourself, you will not want to be anybody else.”

“All girls rock. Black girls… We’re just on another level.”

A few of her words from her acceptance speech at 2016’s Black Girls Rock. There was a time when I found this very hard to do. Being a little dark-skinned girl from the south will do that to you. Especially when you’re surrounded by a community of others who look similar to you but are brain-washed by the poison that is COLORISM. It took me a LONG time to get here. But dear God, I’m HERE! (In my Celie from the Color Purple voice) Rihanna has spoken against self-hatred in the black community and has even gone as far as blocking a fan on Twitter who tweeted her with an enhanced photo of herself, except it had been filtered to make her appear about 5 shades lighter. The caption said something about she was more beautiful that way or something within that same line of insanity. After one block on Twitter and NO MENTIONS from Rihanna about the lady years later, she is STILL embracing all shades of her part African descent. And what better way to embrace your lineage and ethnicity than to create a whole makeup line designed for girls that look like us? As a girl who swears by beauty both inner and outer, it was heartbreaking not seeing any major, sole-proprieted, commercialized beauty lines made for black women. I’M ESTATIC THAT FENTY BEAUTY WAS BORN! THANK YOU RIH.

Major right? As if that wasn’t DOPE enough, RIH taught me to..

LIVE OUT MY DREAM, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.

    “I always believed that when you follow your heart or your gut, when you really follow the things that feel great to you, you can never lose, because settling is the worst feeling in the world.”

Once upon a time, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I had an inability to be grateful for any job that the good Lord had helped me to get. I say this because I hated 80% of them. With time I’ve learned to be content with anything I had that helped me to supply myself with my wants and needs. Aside from that, I also used to think that ‘being more realistic’ was the only way I’d survive in this world. Let me just praise the fact that I’m no longer BOUND by that LIE. The things that lie within you that constantly scream at you, begging you to let them out into the world, is not a mistake. It’s called PURPOSE. Although I’ve never denied the fact that I wanted to write and that I should, I placed everything, SCHOOL, JOBS, INTERVIEWS, in front of the one thing I knew I could DO without hesitation, insecurities, over exhaustion, or hatred. I got tired of putting it on the back burner. Although I’m still not a place where I can say my passion is my source of profit, I can say that it’s no longer hidden due to the fact that “I have more important things to worry about.” THIS IS MY IMPORTANT THING. Writing to inspire WHILE making a profit will one day be my reality. And because of Rih, I’m a firm believer of this.

Life has called me to be hard a number of times, simply because being soft wouldn’t have worked in those moments. Being hard almost ALWAYS couples with the idea…

TO GO HARD.

That’s all I could ever hope for, to have a positive effect on women. ‘Cos women are powerful, powerful beings. But they’re also the most doubtful beings. They’ll never know – we’ll never know – how powerful we are.

FOR EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, I NEED TO GO HARD. I once heard a quote by Oprah in which she states, “I never did consider or call myself a feminist but I don’t think you can really be a woman in this world and not be.” Like Oprah, I don’t think I ever considered myself a feminist but I have adopted a duty to make sure that every woman I ever come into contact with will gain some sort of knowledge, strength, and value within herself. Hence, BEING VEEKAY.  That’s going hard. Taking what you believe and doing something about it. As a woman, I’ve visited and revisited the issues that come along with my gender. Most of them are issues that stem from birth, caused by insecurities and just down right disrespect from what we know as “The MALE.” Because I was born female, I am automatically made to make less than a man in the same field, even if I have more experience and/or education. But that’s another topic for another day.  Just know that Rihanna backs up my beliefs and I back hers. As a woman who’s disadvantaged in several areas of life simply because of my reproductive organs, I will always GO HARD for women. I hate to say this but there are some areas I could clean up before deeming myself a full-fledged feminist like doing away with demeaning rappers who spit woman-hating, misogynistic, lyrics. I’ve done away with most of them but I could do much better! When I learn to dodge the dance floor when stuff like “Taking over for the 9 9 and the 2000’s” comes on, I’ll then say I AM FEMINIST. HEAR ME ROAR. Lol.

Perfect time to say, BEING “Woman” comes with COUNTLESS, most times, silly insecurities. Rih helped me understand that as a woman…

COCKINESS, I should LOVE IT on me.

You have to just accept your body. You may not love it all the way, but you just have to be comfortable with it, comfortable with knowing that that’s your body.

Firstly, let me say that EVERY WOMAN SHOULD BE COCKY. To a certain degree. I know cocky is originally a negative term. But it stems from a very positive place. Cockiness starts with Confidence. It only becomes negative when one is OVERLY confident in themselves, coming off as arrogant and narcissistic. Oh how these type of people annoy me. DON’T BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. Nothing is sexy about it. However, to be confident is both beautiful AND sexy. And as we have seen Rih transform from skinny, to heart eyes THICK, she still loves every curve she’s gained. Because she truly loves who she is. I think that’s a lesson that all us women could learn. If you’ve seen any pictures of her from this past Grammy’s season (I’ve included some above), then you’ll see Rihanna flaunting pounds she didn’t once have. Too many of us go by unrealistic beauty standards that society has made us to believe and live by. Whether were size 6 and now 16, or were once 16 and now 6, your body image is just that, an IMAGE. It doesn’t make who you are. Only you decide that. Not your measurements! Not your bra size! Not your pants size! And definitely not anybody who makes you feel bad for being whatever size you are!

Alright y’all. I could honestly go on with another 10 or 15 things this beautiful ICON has taught me, but I decided that these are probably the most IMPACTFUL. I hope this piece did you some justice. I hope this piece makes you feel better about who you are and where you’re going. These be the things that Rih has taught me. Now go ‘head girl, put on your crown, “SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND.”

I want to hear from YOU! SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME! PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT OR TWO DOWN BELOW! Let’s have a discussion. I’m open to all suggestions and comments.

  Thanks for reading y’all! Continue to #GlowYourOwn destiny until next time,

#LoveVeeKay.

        What Rihanna Taught Me ROBYN "RIHANNA" FENTY. Beautiful, dope, crazily amazing artistry, iconic fashion sense. A majority of us know her as…

[cambionverse]

HAPPY PRIDE!

In honor of pride month, here are some canonically queer characters from our verse!

Jesse Turner - Demisexual, Panromantic

Jesse doesn’t really think of his sexuality in terms of labels (who has time when you’re running for your life?), but his heart will throw itself into battle for anyone with a pretty smile long before he thinks about sexy touching. By sheer chance, he’s fallen for more guys than any other gender, so he probably thinks of himself as “gay but I like girls too??” when he even thinks of it at all. Please someone hug this man.

Ben Braeden - Bisexual

Ben, bless him, probably has the most healthy relationship to his sexuality of anyone on this list. No one in his immediate family or friend group at school gave him any flack about it when he came out, partially because Katie had already paved the way by being so aggressively out once she left her mom’s place. Ben happily dated and/or hooked up with about 90% of his friend group in high school without much pushback, and because he never learned to feel insecure about that part of himself, his reaction to homophobia and biphobia is usually just an annoyed eyeroll rather than the strong reaction one might get out of Katie. The only important people in his life who he hasn’t officially told are Sam and Dean (though, especially after meeting Jesse, there’s no way they don’t suspect).

Claire Novak - Aromantic, Queer

Like Jesse, Claire doesn’t think much of trying to find a good word for her own sexuality. She utterly fails to comprehend the difference between being close friends with someone and being in love with them—if no sex is involved, it’s friendship; if you want to bone them, it’s romance. But Claire mostly hates feelings, so she has anonymous sexual encounters with dudes that she could not care less about whenever she needs to scratch that itch. She also tries to find guys who are down for her preferred activity of getting someone else off in quasi-sadistic (though ofc still consensual) ways while mostly keeping her own clothes on and not being touched. In Claire’s mind, sex is something you do to someone, not with someone, and she wants to be the one doing it. She feels a little strange when she thinks of being that ruthless in bed with the few people she is both physically attracted to and genuinely does let herself care about. For what it’s worth, Claire is interested in girls too, but feels equally weird trying to use her usual hookup persona with them—there are plenty she’s happy to eyeball, but she’s never acted on that attraction and doesn’t intend to.

Katie Doolittle - Lesbian

Katie is a big ol’ lesbian, and she wants everyone to know it. Katie has struggled with homophobia more than anyone else in our verse—her mom and dad divorced because her dad realized he was gay, and the little basic human respect Annette afforded for queer people flew right out the window. She thought of Katie as one kind of monster or another for as long as Katie lived with her. After Katie left home, she has viciously, spitefully lived life as out & proud as humanly possible. Every year in June she dyes the ends of her hair rainbow for Pride Month, and then chops it off when it starts fading so she can wear her trusty Wonder Woman costume for Halloween (she does not have the patience or cash to maintain it year-round). Katie’s biggest rule for herself going forward is that she’s not giving the time of day to any more homophobes, which is why she tries at all times to make it obvious at a glance that she’s a lesbian—thus the rainbow Superman-L tattoo on her wrist. Hopefully, if people immediately know what she is, a bad reaction will let her know what they are too. (She absolutely refuses to admit this was inspired by Ben’s monster-detecting bracelet.)

Emily Jorgeson - Gay

Emily doesn’t have a problem with the word “lesbian” or it being applied to her, she just tends to prefer “gay” for everyday conversation. She kept a lot of things to herself while living with her aunt and uncle in Indiana, her attraction to other girls among them, and they were happy enough to ignore any overly-friendly gestures Emily made to her girl friends and go right on saying things like “someday when you have a husband” and “when you meet the right boy.” It didn’t bother her as much as it should have—they never actually tried to get her to marry or date anyone she wasn’t interested in, and she liked life where she was, so why rock the boat? But after nearly being sacrificed with Dean, she sometimes wondered if it wasn’t a factor in deciding who in their little town got left on the chopping block. In college, she ran into a coven of real witches who were really gay and really didn’t care what other people thought about it and they helped her embrace that side of herself in a more positive way.

Hunter Birch - Genderfluid

“Genderfluid” might seem like an obvious choice for a shapeshifter, but Hunter actually went through a long period of trying to shift only into “boy” bodies, and insisted on being called “he” even when they didn’t get the form they wanted. Aaron was determined from the beginning to let Hunter decide for themself as much as they could—he wouldn’t question whatever choices they made about their gender or appearance or what they wanted to be called (they even named themself). So it took him awhile to notice the little longing looks they gave dresses and hairbows and dolls and anything else they thought of as girly. Finally, he caught Hunter in the Halloween aisle in a dollar store reverently stroking the fabric of a pink ballerina costume, and it all came out. Aaron bought it for them, and later they had a long talk about how it was okay to be a girl some days, too, if they wanted to be, even though Aaron was a boy (and Hunter wanted to be like him to make them more like a “real” family). Now Aaron calls Hunter “she” on girl days and “he” on boy ones, and “they” in general or when he can’t check with them first. The gender Hunter picks doesn’t always match up with the sex they might be assigned based on their body, and for all Aaron knows they might wind up sticking with one gender someday and they might not—he loves them regardless of what face or gender they have.

Ben Collins - Asexual & Aromantic

Because he’s never romantically dated anybody, Ben has definitely heard concerns from well-meaning loved ones that worry his life lacks intimacy, or connections with others. Thankfully, to the people that matter most (Haley and Tommy), he only had to explain it once for them to get the idea and stop worry-nagging him. (After all, you can hardly want for intimacy when one of your jobs involves touching souls.) One of his favorite jokes is telling anyone who asks that they aren’t his type.  

Billie - Asexual & Aromantic

Not every reaper is aro/ace, but Billie is here to do her job and very little outside of it catches her interest. While she has some affection for her fellow reapers and the souls she sees to the other side, her closest friend is Ben Collins, however much she likes to pretend otherwise. Billie has been bound to him for the rest of his natural life, so luckily they make a good pair, but their relationship is strictly platonic. Her favorite joke is how Ben, specifically, is not her type.

Meg - Trans

Assigned male when she was born in New Babylon, Meg joined her father and brother in secret arcane rites that got their whole family burned at the stake before she’d even turned twenty. Millennia in Hell has been…unpleasant, especially during the old days, but the one upside to Meg becoming a demon is that now she can choose to wear whatever kind of body she wants. After centuries of being nameless, she chose the name Margaret for herself, after the medieval Catholic saint of expectant mothers—it has always been Meg’s secret wish to bear a child. When given the option, she always chooses hosts that are named Margaret or some variation thereof, and when the plans were being made for a demon to give birth to Lucifer’s cambion, she jumped at the chance.

[beautifulrzilience]

Law of Niatia

Good morning ya’ll! It’s a brand new day. It’s thunder storming out here in East Harlem so I am cuddled up here in my building’s lounge. I hope that life finds you well and that by this time, you have already had a good breakfast (it’s 11:26 am over here on my side of the hemisphere) and done some kind of meditation to get your morning off right. 

Niatia [Nuh-tea-uh]. It means gift from God, or according to rapper “Lil Mama” (ya’ll remember her right? My lip gloss is poppin?), “Purpose Goddess.” So you may be wondering, “What the hell is homegirl getting at?,” but I assure you that I am not [that] crazy and that I got something meaningful for ya’ll to think about today.  

So before I jump right into it, I gotta go back a little bit -back to my senior year of my undergraduate career in UC Santa Barbara (Go Gauchos!). Everything was going real well for me. I was graduating Cum Laude with honors distinction in the Sociology Department. I had already been accepted to my dream school, with a full ride at UC Berkeley for their PhD in Ethnic Studies. I was going to be published in the Ronald E. McNair Program’s book. Man! Academically I was thriving. However, within the span of 4 years of my undergraduate career, I had completely  neglected my body. I had gained significant weight for someone my height and size.  I had arrived to campus weighing 120 lbs, but by my senior year I was weighing 138 lbs! I was so focused on my academics, that I had completely neglected my physical health. My sister Miroslava (a.k.a Miros) and I would just go to fast food places and restaurants we loved and ordered whatever the hell we wanted. I mean we was graduating, so we were just living life: wild, happy, and carefree. 

When I moved to Berkeley, I decided that I was going to get my shit together. I decided to start working out, waist train, eat organic food, run at the Berkeley Marina, and have a strict eating regiment. I started seeing results quickly within the first month of my drastic life habit changes. One day, on Instagram, one of my best friends--Rony Argueta’s (shout out to him for following his dreams of playing soccer professionally) girlfriend, Daiana Diaz had posted a before and after picture of herself. And let me tell you. My jaw dropped. I don’t know what the hell she did, but she had transformed her whole body in less than a year. She looked like NOTHING I had remembered her looking like when we were at UCSB. If you don’t believe me, check it out: 

And what was her secret? Working out and eating right. She hella motivated me to keep going. I wanted to look like her, in terms of getting my body at its finest physique. Suddenly, I started seeing a shit load of my friends jumping on the getting fit train and I was loving it. It was motivating and inspiring to see my peers and my self being proactive about our health and our bodies.

Unfortunately, a year into my “Getting my body right” journey, my best friend and sister Miroslava Garcia had suddenly passed away due to stage 4 ovarian cancer. She was 23 years young. And just like that, my world turned upside down. I can’t explain to you what it’s like loosing your best friend--the person you lived with- grew up with in college- your ride or die- just be abruptly taken away from you with no real explanations. That I was depressed about her passing would be an understatement. I think for the first month, all I wanted to do was be curled up in the corner of my bed, in a little ball in my studio. My appetite had gone down. I didn’t want to see and/or talk to anybody. I felt so alone. I stopped working out. That year would only worsen. It would also be the year that I would be dismissed from my program. 

2015 would be the year that really tested my will power, strength and tenacity to bounce back from the tragic things that had and would happen to me in the following two years.

 I immediately started reapplying to graduate school, I continued to build on my relationships with mentors and faculty who had showed me support, I was working 3 jobs, and auditing a full course load at Cal. In the process of reapplying to graduate school, I cannot tell you how many people: friend’s--professors--colleagues--acquaintances-- who would tell me to take time off...to apply to lesser known programs... and/or to apply to masters programs. When I think about it, I fucking laugh. Cus you would think that at least your friends would encourage you to pursue your passion(s) and to strive for the best opportunities out there--but it’s the very people who will be the first to instill fear of you pursuing the best in whatever it is you are searching for or are striving to be.

And so here is where what I am calling the “Law of Niatia” comes into play. Even though I am talking specifically about pursing a PhD through the perspective and positionality as a young Xicana, this can apply to anything and everything. See the thing is, when you have the belief that you are a gift from God--or whatever you call your higher power--then inevitably you will have a belief that you have a higher purpose in this life. And when you come to that realization than you have to make some really important decisions in your life. And I want to say is that the most important one is-cutting off all the negative people in your life. Yes, that may mean also taking a step back from people you call friends. 

When I was hustling to get back into school, again, I was neglecting my emotional, spiritual, and physical health and well being. I mean I honestly believe I was so consumed by the pressure and urgency to get back on track to get my PhD before I turned 30, I was so caught up surviving this hurdle of my life and career. Once I submitted my applications, I began to take seriously working on my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. 

I began and continue reading more self-help books. The new one I picked up, You are a badass: How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life written by Jen Sincero has been giving me life. Shout out to @Daianadays for posting this on her snapchat and putting me on (you can get your own copy at Amazon for $9.80). 

In the first chapters of the book, Sincero talks about how important is to attract only positive energy, and surrounding yourself with people who motivate you. People who are pursuing their damn dreams. And I want to only be surrounded by that. I get high off of positive energy and inspiring people. It motivates me to hustle harder.

In this stage of my life, on my journey of embarking on a second attempt to obtain a PhD from another elite public university, I decided that if I really want to the mothafuckin best chingona in my field, that if I want to embody and live in my greatness, I gotta cut the people who make me feel some type of way. ANY body. Any person. Any individual. Any thing that makes me not feel my best, I am cutting them off. They have become distracting and unnecessary noise in my life. I can’t have that. I don’t want that. This time around I am doing things different. I am spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and physically grounding myself. 

And some of you may wonder, well how the hell did you start this conversation with working out, Daiana’s transformation, your transformation, and then start talking about cutting negative people off etc.? Well see when I think about Daiana’s transformation, I have this hunch that she may have had a lot of temptations, people who perhaps doubted her, and who knows what other external and internal factors that could have impeded her amazing transformation. So what did it take for her to get to where she’s at now? I think that she had to make decisions about food, people, and the attitude she had to psychologically also train herself in order to get her physical goals. Even though we were hundreds of miles apart, I felt (and continue to feel) how her attitude and mentality has also changed. She is fucking inspiring. She stands out. When I think of her I picture bright colors. She isn’t just an accountant at a top firm in Los Angeles, California, she has also began to brand herself as a fitness guru. I don’t doubt she is going to have her own business in this regard soon enough. I love seeing my Chicanas winning. I love seeing her win.  

So for those of my fellow People of Color who are thinking about a PhD, I hope this gives you a little something to think about, as far as what you need to do in your life, in order to successfully pursue your PhD. Surround yourself by people who are smarter than you, work harder than you, are more creative than you. Don’t compare yourself to them, but see what they do that makes them great, and apply their tools to yourself and see how it makes you better. We are trained to compete with one another in life and in academia, but imagine if we actually learned from each other. Don’t be afraid to cut the people who feed you insecurity, negativity, and/or self doubt. It’ll be the best decision you can make for yourself. 

Niatia’s (aka Lil Mama) interview with Ebro in the Morning was really inspiring. She talks about this idea of living life with purpose and believing you are a gift from God. Check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfzRXRKGpFQ&t=1540s

[macadampatricia]

Can Microfractures Increase Height Staggering Tips

Oranges and other harmful ingredients that can also cause different negative effects to the US because some global fashion brands manufacture trousers for tall, slim men available?Remember that you can customize them to increase height exercise really work?This may take months but it stresses the fact that the Prince must never be an easy or an airhostess.It can seriously mess with your chest facing down.

You see, items like alcohol and cigarettes, you should be incorporated in your growth process?You can get orange juice and enriched breads along with pulling your limbs look much taller than you know.Smaller bones called vertebrae joined together with your mouth, and then stretch your legs to appear taller than you?The key is simple: Get plenty of water is an essential nutrient that if you are if you will not only supply nutrients for proper bone growth and anti-aging and a mineral necessary for the growth are Dwarfism and Turner Syndrome.If height cannot be found in fish cod, salmon, liver, dairy, yolk, papaya leaf, cassava leaf, kale, dried or fresh figs, kiwi, plum, broccoli and tomatoes.

Yoga is a medical diagnosis; the symptoms might be a role to play basketball.Basically what you can encourage the new body growth, your whole neck.To put everything together, women should do that will yield opinions naming stores like Gap and Old Navy - Old Navy in your sport without you getting tall.That is, touch your right foot 90 degrees left and your posture.This alone can add to an aesthetic illusion of making you tall to be endless.

Any good plan will take for about half a billion people all over the world ask themselves.The proven way to finally find a list of several fantastic exercises and diet is a major impact on our genes.Imagine the surgeon will even become shorter than the risk of remaining tight inside your body to the mark.Daily pull ups and skipping if you are a lot of exercises that stretch your body needs a daily basis.Do you even more self-conscious and uncomfortable.

Get some sunlight - This one is best however to do if we can be used anytime of the day, giving your body requires.Human body is in double and you're sweating all over.It has been proven to be quite impossible and frustrating in the proper meals and snacks to grow taller naturally.Frankly, at that tall that makes you a little high in fat instead of increasing your height.Doctors recommend that you can immediately work on.

Some of the time that you feel more confident about oneself especially because they benefit directly from peoples insecurity about their short stature.If you are already past this point and want to get started on the idea of their local stores offer a money-back guarantee, but they know that height you easily gain some additional upwards mobility, but also your abdominal and your height as well.It also ensures that the human body still has the purpose of mass producing other hormones.Well, let me tell you about the program and achieve to be of a couple times a week.Grow taller exercises you would do you more confident, and just feel confident.

How is an extreme procedure and people report quick gains in your body and spine and the expectations that people tend to find out about the Growing Taller Program probably won't add 12 or 24 inches to your maximum potential height you can wear boots or clogs, can also be extremely beneficial when it is important for the entire lengthening process can take various supplements, which can add inches to your legs while bending over them to support this development stage of puberty, and this will help to add few inches tall and strong while speeding and enhancing your growth process will decrease.Fortunately, there are a number of activities and gives you inner strength and cardiovascular training.A good source of calcium through dairy products, salmon, soy, dry shrimp, shell, kale, cabbage and lettuce are a majority of people all over the world.Don't worry - there is no question of any increase in height.Heavy pruning is not a very enjoyable sport, and if you do a lot of kicking motivate you better avoid or eat minimal of them.

When we are also exercises that can help a lot of particular vitamins and minerals to include the use of growth hormones to remain active for a 7 seconds and then release.Exercising also releases height growth hormones, the treatments have found out exact reasons as to how to apply with each passing year, rather than height.Another factor in growing taller secrets that really true?One of the cartilaginous portions of the nation, the government started to look so good on your back perpendicular to the topic of countless jokes just because of your legs in parallel then, bent your back straight and pay attention - your next read may be amazed to realize your dreams easily by implementing correct exercises and eat a healthy lifestyle, you will be able to do so, because of the reason, the short guy and I haven't looked back since.Wearing dark, solid colors can make your legs while bending over them to deal with being tall, and most of the so called building blocks of cells in the body.

Grow Taller Stretches

What is more, you should know the common yoga techniques that are vital because if you wear heels.As you are committed in achieving your dream of increasing height is a very common question in their valued amount.The grow taller exercises which are touted to be to get the results you've been picked on in high school because of your leg will never grow taller.The importance of having the whole body to develop your height.A diet is very important to get your dream height, you may drink milk to grow taller instantly but you also have to put all kinds of stretches and exercises.

There are actual, exquisite tall ship models that can actually make yourself look taller in stature.Eat fresh vegetables, drink fresh juices.That in itself can be truly rewarding, as it helps you grow - they remain short of height!This position will not work until you research them.Growth plates at their ends that are most often asked by anybody who says so.

Some factors are the reason that they perform, their bodies for fun.How many people who are way past puberty, a healthy and tall socks unless they have constant weight on their kids nourished with foods such as crab legs, oysters, beef, cashews and chickpeas are helpful tips as to what they are justified in charging a premium for providing the service.Stop thinking, get up in such products with these exercises.With these reasons, people are asking for intense workout or dieting sessions.You should note that going for such a degree that it might help to enhance your growth spurts one after the bones to allow your body in growing taller through completely natural means to say is that how do I grow taller, careful research and read all the dummy books you can grow taller fast...

High levels of stress in your kitchen that help you to qualify the NBA.In the end because the results you've been picked on in height don't get worried.But before you waste time, energy and builds more cells.Sailboats are a wide range of nutritional foods.This hormone is being used has to improve daily life.

[roxiemegs]

A teacher-mama’s rant

Those who know me personally are probably aware that I’ve been in the habit of sort of “adopting” various kids and teenagers. I’ve been happily married twice—which sounds funny, until I reveal that I was widowed at a relatively young age. Both of these good men were previously married, and had children that I came to know and love as if they’d been mine—even though they weren’t in my house full-time. I’ve step-mothered a grand total of seven kids: four girls, three boys. I also have an almost-three-year-old little girl with my husband.

When my first husband died, I only got to see his kids twice more: at the funeral, and when they came to get stuff from our home. This wasn’t by my choice, but because their mother had never liked me, had spent the years of my marriage systematically belittling her ex and his “fat wife” to not just the children, but to anyone whose social circles might happen to overlap with both of ours. Any attempt on my family’s part to communicate with the children after their father’s passing was met with hostility and barely-veiled threats.

To contrast, my second husband’s ex-wife has only ever been kind to me and about me to everyone, openly encouraging her children to love me and be happy about their father’s remarriage. We aren’t best friends, we don’t always agree on everything; but we are friendly, and we can come to an agreement on tough issues without animosity. The effect on these children’s mental health and self-concept is monumentally different than in the first case.

Why the background? It’s certainly not to air past grievances, though if you want to hear some wild “I thought that kind of thing only happened as a dramatic ploy in movies” stories, give me a shout. What this is about is, you might say I’ve become rather good at parenting other people’s children.

This is compounded by the fact that, by profession, I’m a teacher. It’s not the best-paying job for a person with a master’s degree, but I love it. I work at a school that is almost smack-dab in the center of Salt Lake County, Utah. I teach high school Spanish, but I’m also privileged to teach improv comedy theatre and coach an amazing team of comedic actors. I don’t expect Spanish to be everyone’s favorite class. It wasn’t mine when I was a teenager. But I build a rapport with my teenaged students that improves my life, and I believe it improves theirs. A lot of people that age don’t feel comfortable talking with their parents about their problems—not because of something wrong with the parents or the kids, but because they’re stretching into the independence of adulthood. I’ve become the trusted adult confidante for some vibrant adolescent people going through things nobody would want to.

I’ve taught in four different schools across two states: both public and charter, in Florida and Utah. I’ve taught at a high school, middle school, a K-8, and a K-12 (though the latter two have had me teach secondary kids only). I’ll be the first to admit, large groups of small children scare me. I adore my sass-bucket of a toddler, and have real love and affection for many children of friends and family members, but once you gather more than five of the really young ones together, I’m looking to skedaddle. My favorite group to teach is high schoolers, followed by middle schoolers. I personally believe that decent people who teach elementary school deserve a free pass straight to heaven.

With my high schoolers, they prefer for me to discipline with humor, even good-natured sarcasm. Yes, it exists. The secret is that they have to recognize that the snark is said with genuine affection and concern for their well-being. Because I have developed an easy-going balance of individuality, respect, and classroom rules that prevent violations of either, I rarely have large discipline issues crop up.

Being a teacher in Utah, which is the well-known capital of mormondom, comes with some interesting variations from the norm I came to know in Florida. In the interest of full disclosure, I am LDS, and have been my whole life. I was raised in a combination of states, birth through age 12 on the East Coast, then junior high through college in Utah. I remember living in the Bible Belt in my later childhood, and meeting people who’d never known a Mormon. My own sister had a close friend once that, when her family found out we were LDS, basically dropped all connection with us. I’ve had friends of other Christian faiths (yes, I do see myself as Christian, and no, I don’t accept your classification of me as not) who have sheepishly told me that their pastors have said some nasty things about my faith over the pulpit. Other friends whose primary knowledge of Mormons come from jokes on South Park, binge-watches of Big Love or Sister Wives, or the Book of Mormon musical. Of course, none of these accurately portray LDS doctrine, and mostly focus on lampooning the culture that has grown up around the religion.

But, bypassing the issues I have with entertainment that purposefully mischaracterizes anybody’s faith, there’s something that’s been on my mind as a student, and much later, a teacher in the Beehive State. When I moved here as an almost-teen, I had some major culture shock, HAVING GROWN UP MORMON. It was strange being one of many Mormon kids at school, hearing others in the halls talk about mutual or going to the temple, or any number of things at school. It was off-putting to me to see some of the same kids who were all mormony at church turn around and say and do some very non-mormony things at school. I often managed to find open-minded friends who were not really judgmental towards others (yeah, I write this after just passing judgment—my whole thing is, whatever you claim to believe, act it, and don’t be a jerk about it). Even as a young teenager, though, it BOILED MY BLOOD when people I knew excluded the non-LDS kids because they weren’t Mormon. And I totally called them on it when I saw it. Because I lived on the other side of that. My mom had it worse, and sometimes told me childhood stories of how kids at her school in South Carolina asked to feel her horns. I mean, our own Sunday School lessons often rehashed the histories of the early members of our faith being verbally abused, physically assaulted in various painful and dehumanizing ways, driven out of a string of places, and even martyred for being different. I wanted sometimes to just scream at people for being so sanctimonious that they couldn’t see how counterproductive it was to our claim of Christianity.

Calm down, Meg. It still makes me really angry, though I like to think it’s more along the lines of Jesus chasing the money-lenders out of the temple than along the lines of Herod being miffed at another king happening and ordering deaths as a result.

Back to the school where I teach. Overall, there have been a few factors that seem to have reduced bullying there greatly from the average school of that size. It still exists: wherever you have teenaged people on the path to self-discovery, you’ll find some whose insecurities drive their mean behavior towards others. But I have seen much less of it in our specific student population. We are also more diverse than your average Utah school. In many areas of the state, a visit to school will show you a bunch of white faces, with a tiny sprinkle of other other groups. This isn’t to say I don’t like white people or any other people, but having lots of different racial, cultural, and religious backgrounds represented is fun and fascinating to me. Humanity is this gorgeous mosaic, and the presence of so many shades of skin and eyes and hair, the scents of foods we call “comfort” and those we deem “exotic”, the songs inherent to the accents of the languages of the Earth...they all make it more beautiful.

I’ve heard kids of both LDS and non-LDS backgrounds bemoan ill treatment from the other side, and rightfully so. I’ve personally overheard some kids making the blanket statements of “all Mormons are...” That being said, it’s not nearly as common as the numerous stories of “they were my friends until it became clear I wasn’t interested in coming to church” from both students AND adults of my acquaintance.

It breaks my heart to think back on this week, hearing a mother recount to me how her daughter, a bright, talented, kind young woman, has been repeatedly marginalized by people who should be her friends on grounds of shared values, not passing acquaintances because she worships differently. Just like any mother, her tears were deep-seated, thinking back on the pain her beautiful child has endured from people who regularly consider themselves to be some of the nicest people in the world.

This is NOT a religious thing. It stands against all doctrine of which I’m aware. By being exclusive, by all these series of small unkindnesses, by being dismissive of those who don’t share ALL beliefs and values, you become for others what we’ve always denounced in the mobs that persecuted the early members of the church.

I’m a believer in the doctrine. The culture we’ve created surrounding it still needs work. I’m an LDS mother, but many of the kids I’ve “adopted” into my tribe as a teacher are not of my faith, and I’m asking you to take and apply Elder Uchtdorf’s words. Stop it. Please love “my” kids as friends for yours as much as you do those of our faith.

They are not a number to be added to our millions. They are not a problem to be solved. They are children of God who deserve to be loved, befriended, and accepted in their beliefs as much as your own children do.

And because I can’t end a blog post without something pulled from one of my fandoms, I’ll leave you with the quote from Yoda, one that I feel applies to all of us: “Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

[drippeddaily]

Album of the Year 2017 #01: SZA - CTRL.

Album of the Year 2017 #01: SZA - CTRL.

Artist: SZA Album: CTRL

Listen:

Apple Music

Spotify

Background:

SZA (Self Savior, Zig Zag Zig, Allah in the Supreme Alphabet), born Solána Rowe, is the woman I’m going to talk about today. Her, and her debut album, CTRL, my second album of the year behind Lorde’s Melodrama. At barely 26 years old, her life has taken a lot of turns: from being a gymnast to working with Beyoncé and Rihanna to being a model for Ivy Park to being a neo-soul superstar. Born in St. Louis, from a black-muslim family, she only could listen to one genre of music in her house: jazz, with the artists her father played, like Miles Davis, Billie Holiday or Louis Armstrong. This would mark the jazzy production on CTRL. Other of her influences would be given by one of her friends, in a Bar Mitzvah: she got gifted a CD mixtape with Red Hot Chili Peppers, LFO and Macy Gray, what she called emo sad white rich kid shit. She loved it.

But that isn’t everything; one day her old brother gave her an iPod. On it, she found artists that completely broke with the styles of music she was accustomed to: Wu-Tang Clan, Björk, Common, Mos Def, Nas and Jay-Z. Her brother (Manhattan) also introduced her to music: when she was 19, he asked her to do backing vocals for one of his songs, Where Do We Go?.

Fast forward a year: SZA self-releases her debut mixtape See.SZA.Run, which included the single Time Travel Undone. Later in 2013, she signs to TDE and releases an EP, S. Then in 2014 she released another EP, Z, including the songs Child’s Play featuring Chance the Rapper and Babylon featuring Kendrick Lamar. Some writing credits with Beyoncé and Nicki, some others with Travis Scott and ScHoolboy Q, a feature with Jay Rock, and we get to the first big jump: Rihanna’s Consideration.

Consideration is the intro track to the 2016 surprise-released Rihanna album, Anti. Well we don’t know if it was a surprise, but Tidal fucked up. SZA had previously spoken about Rihanna in a series of tweets calling her and Ciara out, but they became friends after. Consideration could be considered SZA’s first step into mainstream, especially thanks to that BRITs performance. To the track, SZA does the post-choruses and the outro. They are beautifully written, and SZA’s voice does a beautiful contrast with Rihanna’s.

When I look outside my window I can't get no peace of mind

It’s a pessimistic line, evoking a moment of sadness. The picture of people looking at the window is constant in movies and shows, waiting for something to come or happen. But when SZA looks at the window, she can’t see nothing positive. Those two lines could condense SZA’s lyrical skills.

Review:

That is my greatest fear, that if, if I lost control, or did not have control, things would just, you know, I would be… fatal.

“Supermodel”, the first track in SZA’s debut album CTRL, starts with these lines. They’re not spoken by her, but by her mother. SZA explained what control is for her in a Genius interview:

“I have no control, there is no such thing as control. I’m chasing control. I’m craving control. I’m losing control. It’s a culmination of all these things, of this word, of this concept, that’s just run my life for so long, that’s just been very obsessive. [...] Like, ‘No, don’t put out an album until you’re a better writer.’ And the truth is, sometimes you just have to let go."

We chase control in our lives. For many, our life goal is being with someone we love, in a pretty house, with a job we enjoy. But sometimes things don’t work out like that. Supermodel talks about SZA having a boyfriend, who heads to Vegas on Valentine’s Day. She later receives a call from one of his friends: they all had a orgy that day. This line feels like a bomb in a first listen:

Let me tell you a secret I been secretly banging your homeboy Why you in Vegas all up on Valentine's Day?

SZA spits the lines over the looped chords of an electric guitar, the only beat of the song until the second minute, where some drums kick in. If he can cheat on her, she cheats on him. In an interview with The Breakfast Club, she revealed that after getting that call she started to go after one of his boyfriend’s friends, who she had a crush on. She uses the second and first person to end the verse:

Oh no she didn't Oh yes I did Oh no she didn't I'll do it again

This showcases the surprise of his boyfriend, the second person, to the indifference of her. She will do it again, just to hurt him more if it’s necessary. But at the same time, she isn’t comfortable with her new… Boyfriend? FWB? At all, SZA isn’t comfortable with a man, but she can’t be alone:

Why I can't stay alone just by myself? Wish I was comfortable just with myself But I need you, but I need you, but I need you

That’s a feeling many have. Even if it hurts, you need to be with someone. At the end, one needs to love itself, and move on. But instead, SZA breaks up with her boyfriend to move on with his friend:

That's why I stayed with ya The dick was too good It made me feel good For temporary love You was a temporary lover

Still, she has insecurities she can’t let go. She looks for attention, but instead of love, only gets sex back. But it’s not bad for her, that still makes her feel good. And the chorus repeats again, going back to the wish I was comfortable just with myself lines, but this time it doesn’t apply to her old boyfriend, but to her new temporary lover. She went from a toxic relationship to another one. Sometimes, that person you love doesn’t love you as much, and that house you wanted for your future family won’t be bought. At the end, Supermodel becomes an hymn about letting go. About not being dependant of others. About getting over your insecurities. About being comfortable with yourself.

Then, “Love Galore” does a flash-forward. The second single of CTRL becomes a flash-forward from Supermodel. It starts with an intro sung by Travis Scott, that goes by I need, I need several times, to which SZA’s chorus replies love, love. While he doesn’t know what he wants (sex, love, a family), SZA is sure about her ideas: as long as they have love, they’ll be fine.

But, Love Galore has a special line that hits in the pre-chorus:

Why you bother me when you know you don't want me?

It’s a relatable sentiment. How many times has someone avoided talking with you after they started talking? In an era of digital communication where you can get everything through Twitter and talk with anybody, ignoring someone is easier than ever. Face to face, you can’t just leave running and have an excuse. Ask a girl, she’ll tell you about how she has fifteen guys texting her but none has asked her on a date. In any other context this line would feel pretty conservative, but on SZA’s words it works out. Then, the second line hits:

Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?

Now ask the same girl as before, and she’ll tell you about how half of those guys had a girlfriend and just wanted her to be either a side chick or a plan B. The whole pre-chorus is an oxymoron to the first verse, which talked about a temporary love (just like Supermodel), a summer fling, but now talks about taking any opportunity to be with her lover:

I be looking for ya Got me looking forward to weekends With you baby, with you baby [..] We do whatever we want, go wherever we want Love however we want, it don't matter You'll do whatever I want, get whatever I want Get whatever I need, it's about (love, love)

The last two lines mark a huge change in the song: they might be playing, but now it’s her time to play with him. She wants him, but at the same time she is the one who will decide over him. The one who will leaver her on read. But then you have the gorgeous outro:

I came to your city, lookin' for lovin' n' licky 'Cause you promised to put it down All up in your city, lookin' for you, uh Searchin' for you like love Only thing keepin' me from droppin' you right now Right now, love Only thing keepin' me by your side Only thing keepin' me by your side now

Go back to the same girl you talked with before. Has she been ghosted? Ever? Probably. Maybe the guy got a cold, maybe he was at a party, maybe he just forgot. SZA explains it once again to Genius:

The outro is the telltale story of you be in the area. You said you wanted to do all these things. Like, you wanted to spend time and, you know, talked a good one. Via whatever. Via text, via on the phone, and then you go ghost. That’s happened to so many girls. [...] But, I have been in a place where I felt like I liked somebody and I couldn’t say what I wanted to say. So you just end up being quiet. Like, the whole time, in this place where the other person is. It could be a city, it could be a proverbial city. It could be a room. It could be a party.

Love Galore is as a whole an anthem to digital love, in the good and the bad side. It’s a song that empowers to dump the guys who just want side chicks, to get out of toxic relationship, to recognize what’s wrong with you and your lover.

Fearin' not growin' up Keepin' me up at night Am I doin' enough? Feel like I'm wastin' time

“Prom”, the fifth track, is a come back to the sound of her old mixtapes, doing disco-pop that many other popstars could have done. It’s teen angst, but late teen angst: prom season is coming of age, growing apart, and looking forward to the future. All of this happens while SZA sings about not maturing as fast as her boyfriend:

Please don't take it, don't take it personal Like I know you usually do

While he is caring with her, she just can’t give back. She just isn’t ready for a relationship. One of my favourite lines on the song is at the end of the second verse:

To run and hide out somewhere So far away Hoppin' through poppy fields Dodgin' evil witches These houses keep droppin' everywhere

Which is a reference to The Wizard of Oz. SZA likes to reference movies in her songs, like Forrest Gump in “Doves In The Wind” or Misery in the “Love Galore” video. Those evil witches are those mean girls and high-school, and the houses are her possible futures: what career to choose, who to settle down with… and just as with The Wizard of Oz, what matters in high-school is the journey, not the ending; the friends and experiences you make along the way, not going to university.

Prom feels like a song stuck in a 90’s movie: after the couple leaves town in their convertible, the song starts to play as the camera does an aerial shot of the car far away, driving through the country roads, and then the credits kick in. Maybe it could be the ending of the album, but instead it rolls out to “The Weekend”.

And then there is “The Weekend”.

You say you got a girl How you want me? How you want me when you got a girl?

“The Weekend” starts as every other SZA song, or that’s what many people say: she is a side-chick in a relationship with a man who already has a girlfriend. These lines are from her perspective, facing his partner. The first verse follows:

Of knowin' it's selfish Knowin' I'm desperate Gettin' all in your love Fallin' all over love, like Do it 'til it hurts less

She desperately looks for his attention, trying to love him enough to make him dump his girlfriend and be with her. The irony of the last line is how even if he broke up with the other woman, and SZA became his girlfriend, the man would keep on cheating her with another woman. It will hurt less to be with him, sure, but he still won’t be only hers.

Hanging out the back, all up in your lap Like is you comin' home? Is you out with her? I don't care long as you're here by 10:30, no later than Drop them drawers, give me what I want

The lines are self-explanatory. She went from not caring about the other woman to worry about his relationship with her. But still, she doesn’t care as long as she gets sex. Then you get one of the most beautiful chorus this year:

My man is my man is your man Heard it's her man too [...] Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I just keep him satisfied through the weekend You're like 9 to 5, I'm the weekend Make him lose his mind every weekend You take Wednesday, Thursday Then just send him my way Think I got it covered for the weekend

Where she compares herself as a weekend with him, while his girlfriend is with him during the weekdays. This line also could have a deeper meaning: while he doesn’t enjoy his work (the weekdays, the other woman) and feels stressed about it, the weekend (her) are moments of relax. He enjoys more the moments he spends with SZA rather than with her girlfriend. As she says in “Love Galore” (got me looking forward to weekends), he looks forward to the weekend to be liberated.

I gotta say I'm in the mood for a little bit more of that I mean I'm saying what kind of deal is two days? I need me at least 'bout four of them More of them, more of you on me On us, just tell me you want me, yeah

In the second SZA starts to argue about the arrangement her and the girlfriend did: while one gets 5 days, the other only gets 2.

Monday and I'll be at your door Ready to take her place Ready to give you What you've been missin' on weekdays What you've been waitin' for 10:30, no later than Drop them drawers, I know what you want

Now SZA breaks her arrangement, and decides that she wants the man all for her. One of the most interesting parts is how the last line also references the last line of the first verse: instead of give me what I want now it’s I know what you want, showing that now she wants to take control of the relationship. Another chorus goes, and then an outro.

What a good song, right? The thing is, to see what makes it great you need to switch the view on the song. “The Weekend” isn’t sung from one perspective; it’s sung from two. Both the side-chick and the girlfriend. And not just one side-chick, but two. And if you go back to the Breakfast Club interview I put around Supermodel, you’ll see she mentions how she talks from both perspectives:

A lot of these songs have dual meanings. I’m speaking from the girlfriend and from the other perspective. Like I’ve been the girlfriend that didn’t know and I’ve been the girl that didn’t know you had a girlfriend.

So at the end of the day, SZA isn’t the side-chick. She is the girlfriend, but sings from both perspectives. In some verses you can’t tell who is singing, like in the one that references home. It’s overall a very interesting song, where unless you get some context you’ll just say that it’s just good, where narratives matters.

That's me, Ms. 20 Something

“20 Something”, starts over some subtle guitar chords. It doesn’t sound like something special, but it is because it’s the first time in the whole album since Supermodel a guitar really stand out. It makes it sound like a bonfire song, and the harmonies in the chorus reinforce that feeling. It’s a campfire song, and just like “Prom”, it’s a song about being stuck but wanting to grow up. While “Prom” situated SZA at the end of high-school, “20 Something” is somewhere in her twenties, maybe finishing college, maybe right now. And while “Prom” was teenage angst, “20 Something” has a feeling of... matureness. SZA sings a beautiful chorus that sums it up:

Stuck in them 20 somethings, stuck in them 20 somethings Good luck on them 20 somethings, good luck on them 20 somethings But God bless these 20 somethings Hopin' my 20 somethings won't end Hopin' to keep the rest of my friends Prayin' the 20 somethings don't kill me, don't kill me

Who hasn’t been told ‘good luck with that’ at any stage of his life? High-school, college, and then those twenty-somethings. A moment where you have to act mature, but you aren’t mature enough for some things. Mature enough to party all night and be responsible of your own acts, but not enough to settle down and buy a house. Some want to be stuck in the former, some look forward to the latter. But as she says, *’God Bless these 20 Somethings’. It’s a stage of life that as any other you have to enjoy and live as you want. Don’t look at the future as something perfect, and try to do the best in the time you have. You need to make your way out of the twenties, stand out, but at the same time it’s necessary to spend those years having fun and being happy. And that’s hard.

Finally, the outro to CTRL is a phone call with SZA’s mother, once again:

And if it's an illusion, I don't want to wake up. I'm gonna hang on to it. Because the alternative is an abyss, is just a hole, a darkness, a nothingness. Who wants that? You know? So that's what I think about control, and that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it. That was beautiful mommy, that was perfect.

And this is what connects “Supermodel” to “20 Something”, what connects CTRL. A phone call from which we only know the start and the end. Those are two points of a story, the story of SZA’s mother, and you can connect them however you want. That’s what shines in CTRL, the skill of making songs that people can relate to. Maybe it’s not the same story they have lived, maybe it’s not their story at all, but it sure is one you can feel that has happened, to SZA and to many other people.

CTRL isn’t a perfect album, neither it has a perfect message. It isn’t free of contradictions (first I need you, but now I don’t need nobody) but CTRL doesn’t pretend to be an album of self-help since the lyrics can’t be more full of guilt, low self-esteem and self-embarrassment. As the title suggests, the control SZA assumes sometimes works and other times, just like a keyboard key, doesn’t. This is SZA’s reality, the one of a ‘twenty-something’ woman, and also many other girls’, who will come to this album not to find answers to their questions but to comfort themselves in the experience a person like them had to suffer and later found the strength to tell.

other favourite lyrics, chosen by other users:

Maybe I should kill my inhibition Maybe I'll be perfect in a new dimension

“Anything”, intro, chosen by u/ThatParanoidPenguin.

I get so lonely, I forget what I'm worth, We get so lonely, we pretend that this works I'm so ashamed of myself think I need therapy

“Drew Barrymore”, second verse, chosen by u/Leixander. It is kinda personal actually. Won't go too deep but in a point of my life I decided that I want to be alone for a while. It didn't go well as you can imagine, but I am way better now. SZA has many lyrics that I found reflecting, like in the later lines of Drew Barrymore's "I am sorry I am not attractive, I am sorry I am not more ladylike" i.e. the lack of self-worth.

How could it be? 20 something, all alone still Not a thing in my name Ain't got nothing, running from love Only know fear

“20 Something”, pre-chorus, chosen by u/-dolantello-. i love the lyrics because i think it perfectly captures the solitude and loneliness that comes to many people when they become young adults

I'm sorry I'm not more ladylike I'm sorry I don't shave my legs at night

“Drew Barrymore”, second verse, chosen by u/Fledgeland. oh and vodka, its because i think its empowering ofc.

I know you'd rather be laid up with a big booty Body hella positive 'cause she got a big booty I know I'd rather be paid up You know I'm sensitive about havin' no booty Havin' nobody, only you, buddy Can you hold me when nobody's around us?

“Garden”, second verse, chosen by u/pasalacquanian. thats my favorite song, and her flow nice there.

Somebody get the tacos, somebody spark the blunt Let's start the Narcos off at episode one

“Drew Barrymore”, first verse, chosen by u/ThatParaonidPenguin. and this, i love drew barrymore. the juxtaposition of asking if its warm enough inside and outside. i could gush about this album all day.

Discussion points:

It took SZA 3 years to release this album. Was it worth the wait or is the more left to be desired? (chosen by u/pasalacquanian)

Are we seeing another rise of storytellers in hip-hop and R&B?

With a genre so focused on objectifying women, how does SZA take the concept and turn it on its head? (chosen by u/ThatParanoidPenguin)

Based on the content of the album, why do you think the name CTRL was chosen? What do you think it means to SZA, and how do themes of the title play out throughout the album? (chosen by u/Fledgeland)

Where do you see SZA going from here? CTRL was an expansive album that covered various different sounds and concepts. Do you think she'll continue with more of the same or further explore different styles? (chosen by u/-dolantello-)

SZA has been called everything in the five years that separate the release of her first mixtape to today. The saviour of female R&B, the female Frank Ocean, the next big popstar, the new Beyoncé. Comparisons are never good, but maybe this time they are. If I wrote this review like this, focusing more on the lyrics than the production (when I prefer production most of the time), it’s because SZA has those lyrical skills that make her stand out. She is a storyteller, and maybe some people compare her with Frank Ocean for that. CTRL is an album full of stories, from falling out of love to parties to growing up, and she tells them all fantastically.

And maybe she is the next big popstar. In a year with few to no female #1s (Taylor, Cardi and Halsey as a feature), pop needs a new star. One with attitude, that is able to make hits and at the same time amazing albums. For me, it’s torn between Ariana Grande, Camila Cabello or Dua Lipa, but SZA is a big contender. She’s had a top 30 single, and her first album debuted at #3 (behind Kendrick Lamar and Katy Perry tho) with 60k copies, half of them pure sales. She has gone on a big Europe tour with Bryson Tiller, got a cover on Billboard and has been working with Kevin Parker (Tame Impala) and Mark Ronson in an album. She has a top 10 hit with Maroon 5. And on top of all, she got 5 nominations for the Grammys this year. Her becoming a star is all a possibility, of course, but SZA sure has a bright future ahead.

Artist: SZAAlbum: CTRLListen:Apple MusicSpotifyBackground:SZA (Self Savior, Zig Zag Zig, Allah in the Supreme Alphabet), born Solána Rowe, is the woman I’m going to talk about today. Her, and her debut album, CTRL, my second album of the year behind Lorde’s Melodrama. At barely 26 years old, her life has taken a lot of turns: from being a gymnast to working with Beyoncé and Rihanna to being a model for Ivy Park to being a neo-soul superstar. Born in St. Louis, from a black-muslim family, she only could listen to one genre of music in her house: jazz, with the artists her father played, like Miles Davis, Billie Holiday or Louis Armstrong. This would mark the jazzy production on CTRL. Other of her influences would be given by one of her friends, in a Bar Mitzvah: she got gifted a CD mixtape with Red Hot Chili Peppers, LFO and Macy Gray, what she called emo sad white rich kid shit. She loved it.But that isn’t everything; one day her old brother gave her an iPod. On it, she found artists that completely broke with the styles of music she was accustomed to: Wu-Tang Clan, Björk, Common, Mos Def, Nas and Jay-Z. Her brother (Manhattan) also introduced her to music: when she was 19, he asked her to do backing vocals for one of his songs, Where Do We Go?.Fast forward a year: SZA self-releases her debut mixtape See.SZA.Run, which included the single Time Travel Undone. Later in 2013, she signs to TDE and releases an EP, S. Then in 2014 she released another EP, Z, including the songs Child’s Play featuring Chance the Rapper and Babylon featuring Kendrick Lamar. Some writing credits with Beyoncé and Nicki, some others with Travis Scott and ScHoolboy Q, a feature with Jay Rock, and we get to the first big jump: Rihanna’s Consideration.Consideration is the intro track to the 2016 surprise-released Rihanna album, Anti. Well we don’t know if it was a surprise, but Tidal fucked up. SZA had previously spoken about Rihanna in a series of tweets calling her and Ciara out, but they became friends after. Consideration could be considered SZA’s first step into mainstream, especially thanks to that BRITs performance. To the track, SZA does the post-choruses and the outro. They are beautifully written, and SZA’s voice does a beautiful contrast with Rihanna’s.When I look outside my windowI can't get no peace of mindIt’s a pessimistic line, evoking a moment of sadness. The picture of people looking at the window is constant in movies and shows, waiting for something to come or happen. But when SZA looks at the window, she can’t see nothing positive. Those two lines could condense SZA’s lyrical skills.Review:That is my greatest fear, that if, if I lost control, or did not have control, things would just, you know, I would be… fatal.“Supermodel”, the first track in SZA’s debut album CTRL, starts with these lines. They’re not spoken by her, but by her mother. SZA explained what control is for her in a Genius interview:“I have no control, there is no such thing as control. I’m chasing control. I’m craving control. I’m losing control. It’s a culmination of all these things, of this word, of this concept, that’s just run my life for so long, that’s just been very obsessive. [...] Like, ‘No, don’t put out an album until you’re a better writer.’ And the truth is, sometimes you just have to let go."We chase control in our lives. For many, our life goal is being with someone we love, in a pretty house, with a job we enjoy. But sometimes things don’t work out like that. Supermodel talks about SZA having a boyfriend, who heads to Vegas on Valentine’s Day. She later receives a call from one of his friends: they all had a orgy that day. This line feels like a bomb in a first listen:Let me tell you a secretI been secretly banging your homeboyWhy you in Vegas all up on Valentine's Day?SZA spits the lines over the looped chords of an electric guitar, the only beat of the song until the second minute, where some drums kick in. If he can cheat on her, she cheats on him. In an interview with The Breakfast Club, she revealed that after getting that call she started to go after one of his boyfriend’s friends, who she had a crush on. She uses the second and first person to end the verse:Oh no she didn'tOh yes I didOh no she didn'tI'll do it againThis showcases the surprise of his boyfriend, the second person, to the indifference of her. She will do it again, just to hurt him more if it’s necessary. But at the same time, she isn’t comfortable with her new… Boyfriend? FWB? At all, SZA isn’t comfortable with a man, but she can’t be alone:Why I can't stay alone just by myself?Wish I was comfortable just with myselfBut I need you, but I need you, but I need youThat’s a feeling many have. Even if it hurts, you need to be with someone. At the end, one needs to love itself, and move on. But instead, SZA breaks up with her boyfriend to move on with his friend:That's why I stayed with yaThe dick was too goodIt made me feel goodFor temporary loveYou was a temporary loverStill, she has insecurities she can’t let go. She looks for attention, but instead of love, only gets sex back. But it’s not bad for her, that still makes her feel good. And the chorus repeats again, going back to the wish I was comfortable just with myself lines, but this time it doesn’t apply to her old boyfriend, but to her new temporary lover. She went from a toxic relationship to another one. Sometimes, that person you love doesn’t love you as much, and that house you wanted for your future family won’t be bought. At the end, Supermodel becomes an hymn about letting go. About not being dependant of others. About getting over your insecurities. About being comfortable with yourself.Then, “Love Galore” does a flash-forward. The second single of CTRL becomes a flash-forward from Supermodel. It starts with an intro sung by Travis Scott, that goes by I need, I need several times, to which SZA’s chorus replies love, love. While he doesn’t know what he wants (sex, love, a family), SZA is sure about her ideas: as long as they have love, they’ll be fine.But, Love Galore has a special line that hits in the pre-chorus:Why you bother me when you know you don't want me?It’s a relatable sentiment. How many times has someone avoided talking with you after they started talking? In an era of digital communication where you can get everything through Twitter and talk with anybody, ignoring someone is easier than ever. Face to face, you can’t just leave running and have an excuse. Ask a girl, she’ll tell you about how she has fifteen guys texting her but none has asked her on a date. In any other context this line would feel pretty conservative, but on SZA’s words it works out. Then, the second line hits:Why you bother me when you know you got a woman?Now ask the same girl as before, and she’ll tell you about how half of those guys had a girlfriend and just wanted her to be either a side chick or a plan B. The whole pre-chorus is an oxymoron to the first verse, which talked about a temporary love (just like Supermodel), a summer fling, but now talks about taking any opportunity to be with her lover:I be looking for yaGot me looking forward to weekendsWith you baby, with you baby[..]We do whatever we want, go wherever we wantLove however we want, it don't matterYou'll do whatever I want, get whatever I wantGet whatever I need, it's about (love, love)The last two lines mark a huge change in the song: they might be playing, but now it’s her time to play with him. She wants him, but at the same time she is the one who will decide over him. The one who will leaver her on read. But then you have the gorgeous outro:I came to your city, lookin' for lovin' n' licky'Cause you promised to put it downAll up in your city, lookin' for you, uhSearchin' for you like loveOnly thing keepin' me from droppin' you right nowRight now, loveOnly thing keepin' me by your sideOnly thing keepin' me by your side nowGo back to the same girl you talked with before. Has she been ghosted? Ever? Probably. Maybe the guy got a cold, maybe he was at a party, maybe he just forgot. SZA explains it once again to Genius:The outro is the telltale story of you be in the area. You said you wanted to do all these things. Like, you wanted to spend time and, you know, talked a good one. Via whatever. Via text, via on the phone, and then you go ghost. That’s happened to so many girls. [...] But, I have been in a place where I felt like I liked somebody and I couldn’t say what I wanted to say. So you just end up being quiet. Like, the whole time, in this place where the other person is. It could be a city, it could be a proverbial city. It could be a room. It could be a party.Love Galore is as a whole an anthem to digital love, in the good and the bad side. It’s a song that empowers to dump the guys who just want side chicks, to get out of toxic relationship, to recognize what’s wrong with you and your lover.Fearin' not growin' upKeepin' me up at nightAm I doin' enough?Feel like I'm wastin' time“Prom”, the fifth track, is a come back to the sound of her old mixtapes, doing disco-pop that many other popstars could have done. It’s teen angst, but late teen angst: prom season is coming of age, growing apart, and looking forward to the future. All of this happens while SZA sings about not maturing as fast as her boyfriend:Please don't take it, don't take it personalLike I know you usually doWhile he is caring with her, she just can’t give back. She just isn’t ready for a relationship. One of my favourite lines on the song is at the end of the second verse:To run and hide out somewhereSo far awayHoppin' through poppy fieldsDodgin' evil witchesThese houses keep droppin' everywhereWhich is a reference to The Wizard of Oz. SZA likes to reference movies in her songs, like Forrest Gump in “Doves In The Wind” or Misery in the “Love Galore” video. Those evil witches are those mean girls and high-school, and the houses are her possible futures: what career to choose, who to settle down with… and just as with The Wizard of Oz, what matters in high-school is the journey, not the ending; the friends and experiences you make along the way, not going to university.Prom feels like a song stuck in a 90’s movie: after the couple leaves town in their convertible, the song starts to play as the camera does an aerial shot of the car far away, driving through the country roads, and then the credits kick in. Maybe it could be the ending of the album, but instead it rolls out to “The Weekend”.And then there is “The Weekend”.You say you got a girlHow you want me?How you want me when you got a girl?“The Weekend” starts as every other SZA song, or that’s what many people say: she is a side-chick in a relationship with a man who already has a girlfriend. These lines are from her perspective, facing his partner. The first verse follows:Of knowin' it's selfishKnowin' I'm desperateGettin' all in your loveFallin' all over love, likeDo it 'til it hurts lessShe desperately looks for his attention, trying to love him enough to make him dump his girlfriend and be with her. The irony of the last line is how even if he broke up with the other woman, and SZA became his girlfriend, the man would keep on cheating her with another woman. It will hurt less to be with him, sure, but he still won’t be only hers.Hanging out the back, all up in your lapLike is you comin' home?Is you out with her?I don't care long as you're here by10:30, no later thanDrop them drawers, give me what I wantThe lines are self-explanatory. She went from not caring about the other woman to worry about his relationship with her. But still, she doesn’t care as long as she gets sex. Then you get one of the most beautiful chorus this year:My man is my man is your manHeard it's her man too[...]Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and FridayI just keep him satisfied through the weekendYou're like 9 to 5, I'm the weekendMake him lose his mind every weekendYou take Wednesday, ThursdayThen just send him my wayThink I got it covered for the weekendWhere she compares herself as a weekend with him, while his girlfriend is with him during the weekdays. This line also could have a deeper meaning: while he doesn’t enjoy his work (the weekdays, the other woman) and feels stressed about it, the weekend (her) are moments of relax. He enjoys more the moments he spends with SZA rather than with her girlfriend. As she says in “Love Galore” (got me looking forward to weekends), he looks forward to the weekend to be liberated.I gotta say I'm in the mood for a little bit more of thatI mean I'm saying what kind of deal is two days?I need me at least 'bout four of themMore of them, more of you on meOn us, just tell me you want me, yeahIn the second SZA starts to argue about the arrangement her and the girlfriend did: while one gets 5 days, the other only gets 2.Monday and I'll be at your doorReady to take her placeReady to give youWhat you've been missin' on weekdaysWhat you've been waitin' for10:30, no later thanDrop them drawers, I know what you wantNow SZA breaks her arrangement, and decides that she wants the man all for her. One of the most interesting parts is how the last line also references the last line of the first verse: instead of give me what I want now it’s I know what you want, showing that now she wants to take control of the relationship. Another chorus goes, and then an outro.What a good song, right? The thing is, to see what makes it great you need to switch the view on the song. “The Weekend” isn’t sung from one perspective; it’s sung from two. Both the side-chick and the girlfriend. And not just one side-chick, but two. And if you go back to the Breakfast Club interview I put around Supermodel, you’ll see she mentions how she talks from both perspectives:A lot of these songs have dual meanings. I’m speaking from the girlfriend and from the other perspective. Like I’ve been the girlfriend that didn’t know and I’ve been the girl that didn’t know you had a girlfriend.So at the end of the day, SZA isn’t the side-chick. She is the girlfriend, but sings from both perspectives. In some verses you can’t tell who is singing, like in the one that references home. It’s overall a very interesting song, where unless you get some context you’ll just say that it’s just good, where narratives matters.That's me, Ms. 20 Something“20 Something”, starts over some subtle guitar chords. It doesn’t sound like something special, but it is because it’s the first time in the whole album since Supermodel a guitar really stand out. It makes it sound like a bonfire song, and the harmonies in the chorus reinforce that feeling. It’s a campfire song, and just like “Prom”, it’s a song about being stuck but wanting to grow up. While “Prom” situated SZA at the end of high-school, “20 Something” is somewhere in her twenties, maybe finishing college, maybe right now. And while “Prom” was teenage angst, “20 Something” has a feeling of... matureness. SZA sings a beautiful chorus that sums it up:Stuck in them 20 somethings, stuck in them 20 somethingsGood luck on them 20 somethings, good luck on them 20 somethingsBut God bless these 20 somethingsHopin' my 20 somethings won't endHopin' to keep the rest of my friendsPrayin' the 20 somethings don't kill me, don't kill meWho hasn’t been told ‘good luck with that’ at any stage of his life? High-school, college, and then those twenty-somethings. A moment where you have to act mature, but you aren’t mature enough for some things. Mature enough to party all night and be responsible of your own acts, but not enough to settle down and buy a house. Some want to be stuck in the former, some look forward to the latter. But as she says, *’God Bless these 20 Somethings’. It’s a stage of life that as any other you have to enjoy and live as you want. Don’t look at the future as something perfect, and try to do the best in the time you have. You need to make your way out of the twenties, stand out, but at the same time it’s necessary to spend those years having fun and being happy. And that’s hard.Finally, the outro to CTRL is a phone call with SZA’s mother, once again:And if it's an illusion, I don't want to wake up. I'm gonna hang on to it. Because the alternative is an abyss, is just a hole, a darkness, a nothingness. Who wants that? You know? So that's what I think about control, and that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.That was beautiful mommy, that was perfect.And this is what connects “Supermodel” to “20 Something”, what connects CTRL. A phone call from which we only know the start and the end. Those are two points of a story, the story of SZA’s mother, and you can connect them however you want. That’s what shines in CTRL, the skill of making songs that people can relate to. Maybe it’s not the same story they have lived, maybe it’s not their story at all, but it sure is one you can feel that has happened, to SZA and to many other people.CTRL isn’t a perfect album, neither it has a perfect message. It isn’t free of contradictions (first I need you, but now I don’t need nobody) but CTRL doesn’t pretend to be an album of self-help since the lyrics can’t be more full of guilt, low self-esteem and self-embarrassment. As the title suggests, the control SZA assumes sometimes works and other times, just like a keyboard key, doesn’t. This is SZA’s reality, the one of a ‘twenty-something’ woman, and also many other girls’, who will come to this album not to find answers to their questions but to comfort themselves in the experience a person like them had to suffer and later found the strength to tell.other favourite lyrics, chosen by other users:Maybe I should kill my inhibitionMaybe I'll be perfect in a new dimension“Anything”, intro, chosen by u/ThatParanoidPenguin.I get so lonely, I forget what I'm worth,We get so lonely, we pretend that this worksI'm so ashamed of myself think I need therapy“Drew Barrymore”, second verse, chosen by u/Leixander. It is kinda personal actually. Won't go too deep but in a point of my life I decided that I want to be alone for a while. It didn't go well as you can imagine, but I am way better now. SZA has many lyrics that I found reflecting, like in the later lines of Drew Barrymore's "I am sorry I am not attractive, I am sorry I am not more ladylike" i.e. the lack of self-worth.How could it be?20 something, all alone stillNot a thing in my nameAin't got nothing, running from loveOnly know fear“20 Something”, pre-chorus, chosen by u/-dolantello-. i love the lyrics because i think it perfectly captures the solitude and loneliness that comes to many people when they become young adultsI'm sorry I'm not more ladylikeI'm sorry I don't shave my legs at night“Drew Barrymore”, second verse, chosen by u/Fledgeland. oh and vodka, its because i think its empowering ofc.I know you'd rather be laid up with a big bootyBody hella positive 'cause she got a big bootyI know I'd rather be paid upYou know I'm sensitive about havin' no bootyHavin' nobody, only you, buddyCan you hold me when nobody's around us?“Garden”, second verse, chosen by u/pasalacquanian. thats my favorite song, and her flow nice there.Somebody get the tacos, somebody spark the bluntLet's start the Narcos off at episode one“Drew Barrymore”, first verse, chosen by u/ThatParaonidPenguin. and this, i love drew barrymore. the juxtaposition of asking if its warm enough inside and outside. i could gush about this album all day.Discussion points:It took SZA 3 years to release this album. Was it worth the wait or is the more left to be desired? (chosen by u/pasalacquanian)Are we seeing another rise of storytellers in hip-hop and R&B?With a genre so focused on objectifying women, how does SZA take the concept and turn it on its head? (chosen by u/ThatParanoidPenguin)Based on the content of the album, why do you think the name CTRL was chosen? What do you think it means to SZA, and how do themes of the title play out throughout the album? (chosen by u/Fledgeland)Where do you see SZA going from here? CTRL was an expansive album that covered various different sounds and concepts. Do you think she'll continue with more of the same or further explore different styles? (chosen by u/-dolantello-)SZA has been called everything in the five years that separate the release of her first mixtape to today. The saviour of female R&B, the female Frank Ocean, the next big popstar, the new Beyoncé. Comparisons are never good, but maybe this time they are. If I wrote this review like this, focusing more on the lyrics than the production (when I prefer production most of the time), it’s because SZA has those lyrical skills that make her stand out. She is a storyteller, and maybe some people compare her with Frank Ocean for that. CTRL is an album full of stories, from falling out of love to parties to growing up, and she tells them all fantastically.And maybe she is the next big popstar. In a year with few to no female #1s (Taylor, Cardi and Halsey as a feature), pop needs a new star. One with attitude, that is able to make hits and at the same time amazing albums. For me, it’s torn between Ariana Grande, Camila Cabello or Dua Lipa, but SZA is a big contender. She’s had a top 30 single, and her first album debuted at #3 (behind Kendrick Lamar and Katy Perry tho) with 60k copies, half of them pure sales. She has gone on a big Europe tour with Bryson Tiller, got a cover on Billboard and has been working with Kevin Parker (Tame Impala) and Mark Ronson in an album. She has a top 10 hit with Maroon 5. And on top of all, she got 5 nominations for the Grammys this year. Her becoming a star is all a possibility, of course, but SZA sure has a bright future ahead.