#an hour. actually now im remembering i gossiped to my mom about it after like hair flip mom that kid had no manners even though she was

[nebuvoid]

watching videos about spyro to educate myself on a gaming staple that completely bypassed me as a poor child whose only gaming device was a gameboy from the flea market during ps1 peak era. and im like mhm mhm if i had a friend that played this i mightve gotten into it this has Vibes - and then the yter uses kh music and im vibrating because i misssssssss my babiesssssss. its like a sleeper agent my love for kh is always slumbering in there (pointing at my hollow heart)

[milesmoraleswife4l]

Miles 1610 X Nigerian Y/N

notes: nigga when I tell you this took my too long to make. Like writing this is not for the weak bruh

warnings: jus fluff ig

summary: y/n takes miles to meet her nigerian parents. ( im nigerian so umm yea)

“Miles, they are not going to like you if you don't take this seriously.” You said this for the 15th time. Miles is coming with you to a party your parents are throwing at your house. You thought it would be a good time to introduce them to Miles for the first time. As much as you were excited, you were hella nervous because this was the first time you ever brought into this household. And not just any household, but a Nigerian one at that. 

Miles needed to understand that one wrong move will ultimately end in your mom gossiping to all your aunts and your dad to the uncles saying, “ arabinrin mi, o ko ni gbagbọ aṣiwère ti ọmọbinrin wa mu fun wa lati pade oh.” (my sister, you won't believe the fool our daughter has brought back for us to meet oh) 

It's like you could hear it from a mile away. The thought made you sweat bullets because you know that they'll never approve if they have a horrible introduction to each other. “ No Miles try again, that's not right! C’mon you actually have to try. “ You said about just giving up and saying maybe this isn't the right time for him to meet them. ‘’Mami por que te preocupas tanto?’’ He said coming closer to hold your waist. “ because you don't know my parents, they're super judgemental and really strict. Like they didn't want me to even think about boys until i was at the ripe age of 30.’’ “ Thats crazy.’’ He said while laughing. 

 ‘Not its not, because as much as i love you, i need our parents to support our relationship.’’ you said as you were pacing around your room. ‘’ Ok ok I understand. Tell me what I need to do and I'll do it ok?” he said while grabbing both of your sides and engulfing you in a warm hug. And you sigh as you take in a pleasant whiff of his cologne.

TIME SKIP

Miles rang the doorbell to your parents house. “ remember everything i taught you please, and just be yourself at the same time.’’ you said while giving him a nervous smile. ‘’ Don't worry mami everything will be ok’’ He said wanting to give you a kiss but the door flew open.’’ e kassan mommy this is Miles” you said very sweetly to your mom. “ ekassan ma o dara pupọ o pade rẹ” Miles said while bending down to greet your mom. You just stand there; completely shook because you never taught him all of that. ‘’ Here are some roses I brought you, and you look completely beautiful, now I know where Yn got her beauty from.” He says smirking a little at you and how surprised you are. “ AHH AHH YN, why didn't you tell me you got with this handsome man?! Please arewa okunrin, what's your ethnicity, let me have three guesses!’’ your mom said begging the poor boy. “ No mom please no, he doesn't need to tell you all of that.” you said completely embarrassed that it even came out of her mouth. Luckily, Miles just laughed and proceeded to answer the question. “ I'm actually African american and Puerto rican ma.’’ “

Ehen so Yn has now gone and brought home a latin boy, ok ohh.’’ Your mom says, folding her arms in astonishment. “ Ok well Yns dad isn't here right now but you're more than welcome to stay.” Your mom says pulling him away for him to meet all your aunties. “ Come and see the fine boy Yn has brought to me ohh.’’ She exclaimed while pulling miles away. You laughed as you saw him being poked and prodded by many aunties at once. When they finally finished, which felt like hours after, he came back to meet you with a smirk on your face. “ Well, that was definitely something.’’ he said like he just saw a ghost. “ This is my family for you.’’ You said while laughing your head off. “ Haha. very funny.’’ He said while rolling his eyes. “ Anyway, im super hungry, can i get something to eat real quick?’’ He asked, wrapping his hand around your shoulder. “ Not too close omo, do you want her to get pregnant?!’’ Your mom yelled from far away. “ Mom! Stop please im begging” you said covering your face in embarrassment. “ Sorry!” Miles quickly said while moving his arm, but still scooting closer to you so that he can be near you as much as possible. “ Ok lemme just get something for you to eat c’mon.’’ You said while pulling him off the couch. 

He followed you to the kitchen and jumped up when he saw plantain. 

“ You guys have platanos too?!’’ “ Mi vida, here if anyone hears you call it that you're in big trouble. We call it dodo or plantain.” You said while rubbing his face by how cute he's being. “ Well whatever you want to call it, give me two big spoon-fuls of that please.” He said  while looking at it like it was his prey he was about to catch. “ Ok OK! It's not going anywhere why are you looking at it like that?’’ You said, chuckling at how hungry he is. “ Oh and gimme some fufu and efo riro.” He said looking over the table. “ Miles bruh, how do you even know about that?’ You said dying of laughter. “ Mami stop asking my questions and just put it please i'm dying over here” He said all dramatic.

Ok so this is litterally my first story so dont judge me pls. :)

[floralseokjin]

;cyber sex (m)

FIRST LOVE, LAST LOVE

⟨gif credit⟩

You want to partake in some “cyber” sex...

pairing; jeon jungkook x reader  genre/warnings;  smut, fluff, skype sex, or as oc puts it, cybersex, sex toy usage (here 😘) words; 3,038

more﹆chapter index

“Are your parents in bed?” 

On the screen, Jungkook looked a little on edge, jittery almost. Like he was doing something illegal. 

“My dad is. Mom’s downstairs catching up on soap operas.” 

He still looked a little unsure. “How was your day?” 

You shifted on your bed, crossing your legs, your laptop jumped slightly, pixelated Jungkook bouncing around for a second. Internet at your parents’ house had always been shitty but he still made a bunch of cute pixels. 

“I’d love to small talk, Jungkook, I really would, but I woke up wanting sex and have been horny ever since.” 

You were expecting him to log on all eager and possibly already halfway to naked, but he’d appeared in sweats, back against the headboard of your shared bed, legs stretched out where laptop you was placed on his thighs. 

You watched him hesitate and grew annoyed. “What happened to being up for this?” 

This afternoon he’d been eager, possibly even cocky when you’d texted him over lunch. Your mom gossiping in your ear about her co-worker’s so called affair while you passively listened and arranged sex plans with your boyfriend...

There had been a time you were too embarrassed to even think about masturbating in your family home, but like Jungkook kept saying, you were a grown ass woman now, not still in high school or even in college. Those days had long past you by. You were a hot blooded female with needs. Needs for your super hot, super sweet boyfriend. There was really no need to be ashamed. You were going to participate in some cyber sex, no matter how much Jungkook laughed at your awkward phrasing. 

[You: 01:34pm]  Are you busy tonight? 

[JK: 01:36pm]  if eating cheetos in bed by 8 is busy then yes 

[You: 01:37pm]  Don’t you dare bitch 

[JK: 01:37pm]  why do you want to know if im busy? 

[You: 01:38pm]  cybersex 2300 hours 

[JK: 01:38pm]  Cybersex 😭😭 no one calls it that weirdo  but see you there my morning wood misses yoir ass 

Here right now, Jungkook made a noise, arguing with you. “I am up for this. It’s just your parents...” 

You rolled your eyes. He was a grown ass man and he was afraid of your parents. More so your dad. He’d taken a while to warm up to Jungkook—you blame the tattoos. But that was years ago when you’d first started dating. Your dad liked Jungkook now. Honest. 

“My dad’s asleep. I can hear him snoring,” you commented, giggling. 

Jungkook groaned. Way to ruin the mood, he was probably thinking. “That doesn’t help.” 

“Come ooonnn,” you whined, leaning into the screen. You knew your robe was dipping in the middle, already tied deliberately lose. He had a great view of your cleavage, however muted because of the shitty lamp lighting. “I miss youuuu.” 

Jungkook scoffed quietly. “And you’re making it worse. I wanna touch you for real.” He was speaking low, pouting really, but you caught his hand that slid across the front of his sweatpants. Was that some inconspicuous rubbing you’d spotted? Naughty. 

You leant back again and tried not to grin in triumph. Jungkook 0, your tits 1 once again. 

He carried on his rant. “I want you in this bed. In this house. I can’t wait 4 more days!” 

Diddums. He was a child, you swore. “Should’ve come with me then.” 

He was rubbing his crotch again, you didn’t think he realised he was doing it. “You know that’s only reserved for a Christmas every two years.” 

Yeah, like you said, he was terrified of your father. It was probably why he hadn’t proposed yet, too scared to ask for your dad’s blessing. Not that you would say that to his face. And not like you wanted to get married anytime soon, it was just only natural to think of those things. You had been together for years after all. 

You didn’t reply, instead shifting on the bed once more to spread your legs a little. You hiked one up, robe falling open to reveal the triangle of skin between your legs. You meant business.

“What’re you doing?” He practically stuttered, sitting up straighter against the headboard.

“I’m not wearing any underwear.” 

“I can see that.” 

You began to rub the pad of your index finger across your clit. Sensitivity shocking your body and you fought with yourself not to snap your legs closed. You softened the impact, slowly circling before slipping down your folds and collecting the moisture to drag back up to your clit. Agonisingly slow now because you wanted to tease the hell out of your boyfriend. Despite the near darkness, he had eyes like a hawk. “You’re wet already.” Maybe he could see it glistening through the camera. Or maybe he was just starting his descent…

“Like I said, I’ve been horny since this morning.” You ever so slightly dipped the tip of your finger inside yourself. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d played with yourself like this in front of him. It was fun. Especially because he was hanging onto each movement like his life depended on it. 

“Jungkook,” you nudged. 

“Mm?” It was just one sound, too far gone now. 

You murmured the next part, voice low and heavy, laced with a desperateness you’d felt all day. “Get your dick out.”

He didn’t argue. You let yourself grin in victory, ogling him as pushed a hand into his sweatpants and pulled out that thick, hot cock you’d been fantasising about since 7am. 

He ran his fist along it, definitely not lazily. Tugging at the head, his thumb rubbed the drops of precum across his slit. You clenched and pulsed down below. Unfair move. Your image of him was grainy and unlit but he looked just as hot as he always did. Maybe it was time to unveil your secret weapon... 

“Goodnight, love.” 

You jumped immediately at the sound of your mom’s voice, hand jerking away from between your legs. You’d been so distracted you hadn’t even heard her coming up the stairs. 

Your took a quick breath and tried to sound normal, praying you could keep your voice level. “Goodnight mom!” You succeeded, but only just you were sure of it. 

You heard the click of the bathroom door and turned your attention back to Jungkook, eyes wide. His were too. “Jesus christ,” he muttered, sounding annoyed. “This was a dumb idea.” He was sat forward, dick back in his pants, tops of his cheeks rosy, either from the jerking off or the near close call. Probably both. 

You tried to refrain from giggling but failed. “She wasn’t going to just barge in here.” 

Both waiting a few seconds, it wasn’t long before your mom exited the bathroom and shut the door to her bedroom. You untied your robe, relaxing into the bed instantly. You weren’t losing this moment. 

Jungkook groaned slightly, eyes apprehensively raking over your practically naked body. “This is so wrong.” 

“Relax, we’re alone,” you insisted. “Just remember to be quiet.” You’d use your earphones but you’d forgotten them, remembering as soon as you’d boarded the plane. 

“I’m alone.” He corrected, now sounding sorry for himself. Jeez, it was as if you weren’t spread out like a human buffet. “I miss you. Can’t you come home right now?”

Jungkook did not do well at being alone at all. It was cute. You smiled at him softly, running your hand down your stomach and between your legs. “But I wanna cum right nowww.” 

“Fine.” His stare hardened, watching the way you rubbed at the bundle of nerves. “You cum and then come home. Then I fuck you. Properly. None of this Skype shit.” 

You laughed, genuinely amused. He was such a baby. You watched him lift his t-shirt over his head. Taking initiative, you liked that. His hair fell in his eyes and he shook it away. He’d finally had a haircut a few weeks ago, but it grows fast, which was possibly a good thing because you really, really missed that long hair of his. 

Your eyes fell down to his chest and across his shoulders. He had a few tattoos that decorated his torso, amongst other places, but they mainly covered his arms. Speaking of which you clenched and pulsed again, just imagining those arms wrapped around you, squeezing you tight, hands pinning you to the bed... Shit. You really wanted to fuck him for real. 

You splayed around against the bedsheets, arching your back a little and Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “Take your robe off. Keep your bra on.” He sounded demanding, it wasn’t intentional, lost to the urge right now as usual, but you loved it when he ordered you about, even more so when he didn’t realise he was doing it. 

You quickly got to it, snapping at your bra straps as you lied back down, propped up by your elbows. “Is this actually sexy?” You’d done this a handful of times but that was back in college. Now older, it seemed more daunting. 

“Of course it is, babe,” Jungkook reassured. On cue he got his cock out again. He was still hard. 

You watched him rake his hand along himself a few times and then grinned. “I have something.” 

He raised an eyebrow again, curious but also clueless, and watched you pull something out from under the sheets. A glittery, rubbery thing that made his eyes light up. 

“You brought a dildo to your parents’ house?” He asked after a split second of silence. You nodded, biting down on your lip, holding the specimen up to the screen. He caught the look on your face and chuckled. “You planned this?” He sounded impressed. 

“Thought it would be fun.” You tried to sound casual but maybe you were a little nervous? Embarrassed? There was no need to be. You’d had a sexual fantasy and had acted on it... Jungkook was just as into it. Hm, maybe it was the being naked over cam that was making you feel so jittery? 

Jungkook eyed Miss Jessica Rabbit and laughed again. “Only you would arrange a visit to your parents’ place just so we could participate in some ‘cybersex’.” 

Joking aside, he was eager to begin. You could tell by the look in his eyes and by the way he’d straightened his back, leaning in closer for a better look. You didn’t feel nervy anymore. You were back in the zone. 

“Cybersex sounds cool, I don’t know why you find it so funny.” 

Jungkook rolled his eyes affectionately. “You’re adorable, that’s why I find it so funny.” 

“Lameee.” You sang. But now you were running the head of the vibrator along your slit, spreading your legs in the process.

Jungkook watched you carefully, still stroking his dick with leisure. “I’m surprised you didn’t get caught at security with that thing.” He was making casual conversation but his voice sounded strained. He kept having to swallow. “Hiding a giant vibrator in your clothing.” 

“Can you imagine?” You’d die of embarrassment right there on the spot. 

“I‘d come bail you out, don’t worry.” 

You giggled at his silliness. Who was going to tell him you couldn’t get arrested for carrying a vibrator in your luggage? 

However, soon the mood for small talk was over, only distracting at this point. Or maybe what was distracting was now the vibrator beginning to stretch out your insides. It was a little uncomfortable at first, maybe you were just too well aware your parents were a few feet away, or maybe you were just out of practice when it came to fucking yourself. 

Jungkook helped though, whispering encouragements and giving you useful tips, which only made you wetter; so yes, a huge help. It wasn’t long before you got a rhythm going, not long before your breathing quickened and you were trying really hard not to moan out loud. 

Jungkook matched your movements, now jerking himself off with vigour. You watched one another, fully at ease and lost in your own little world. 

“This is so unfairrr,” he grunted soon enough, burning a hole between your legs. His newly sworn enemy, Miss Jessica Rabbit. “I want my dick inside you, not some phoney.” 

You moaned quietly, agreeing of course. Nothing felt as good as Jungkook inside you. Nothing ever had. You clicked a button on the toy and the first level of vibrations started. 

You lifted your head a little, trying to gauge the sound. “Is that too loud?” 

He shook his head. “I think you’re good. Fuck.” He cursed because you were now grinding up against the ears of the bunny, vibrations against your clit sending you all gooey and warm. “Go faster.” 

You listened, the length of the vibrator now slipping in fully as your insides finally loosened up, no longer tense. You rolled to your side a little and like that you found your g-spot. Pleasure began to burst behind your eyes and you almost forgot Jungkook was there because now you’d remembered how to use this damn thing and there was no going back. 

You clicked another button, powering up the shaft as the pearls inside the rubber began to rotate. You bit down on your lip, desperate not to make a sound and you cursed yourself. Why did you think this was a good idea? Pleasure screamed at you but you must keep quiet. 

“Babe... Baby,” Jungkook was trying to get your attention. “Baby, get on your back again. I wanna see.” 

You slowly listened, knowing you had been restricting his view and try to fuck yourself on your back. You planted your feet on the bed, kicking the laptop to the centre in the process and hoped now that he had a good view. 

Whatever he saw, he liked, moaning maybe a little bit too loudly. You’d turn the volume down if you could move, but you can’t, too paralysed with pleasure. “This is so fucking hot.” He was legit growling, it sent a fire through your veins. 

He watched you buck your hips into the vibrator over and over again, struggling a little to keep thrusting the shaft inside of you, but you think he found that hot. You were close. You knew it. Lips spread apart, your clit was swollen and greedy for pleasure, sensitive to the titillating vibrations and your walls squeezed and began to spasm around the thick rubber, the rotating sensation you felt making you tremble all over. Your wrist hurt but it was a good kind of pain, burning, making you work hard for your release. 

“Wish you were here to fuck me better, baby,” you purred, because despite how amazing this felt Jungkook could make you feel a pleasure ten times greater. “Does your hand feel good?“

You couldn’t see him, flat on your back, eyes shut, face directed at the ceiling, but you could hear the sound of skin on skin. His palm raking up and down the rock hard flesh of his cock. 

“Don’t rub it in,” he chided, voice low. Ha. Because that was exactly what he was doing. Luckily you were too out of breath to drop a shit pun. 

Your lower half suddenly spasmed and you stifled a cry. You couldn’t hold on any longer. “Shit,” you gasped. “I forgot how strong this thing was.” 

“Yeah? I’ll cum if you cum.” 

That’s all you needed to hear. It wasn’t even five seconds later before you were coming. Like an explosion, thigh and vagina muscles clenching, toes curling into the sheets and your chest heaving, sweat beading at your hairline. Miraculously you managed to stay silent. Albeit your breathing. You ceased movement immediately, removing the pressure against your clit before turning the vibrations off. The shaft was still rotating inside you, nerves twitching in your thigh before you ended those too and slid the vibrator out with a silent pop. You threw it to your side. Your whole body tingled but you urged yourself to come to, to open your eyes and lean up on your elbows. Jungkook still needed to cum and you wanted to watch. Just like he watched you. 

“Good, baby?” He asked. His eyes were black, breathing shallow. His fist still tugged at his dick, desperate now. 

“Mm hm,” you nodded, feeling a little chilly now the thrill had worn off. 

Jungkook grunted a command. “Spread your legs a little. I’m close.” You listened without question, giving him what he wanted. 

You watched the veins protrude from his forearms, some painted black with the ink of his tattoos. The hand not wrapped around his cock cupped his balls ever so slightly, tugging on them a little before he tensed and groaned. The first spurt of cum shot out and landed on his stomach, then another, it slipped into the lines of his abs. The third load slowed and he tugged his fingers tight across the tip, over and over again, draining each drop. It thickened in the air and slid down his length, getting on his fingers too. You observed all this greedily. What a sight to behold. 

A couple of tissues later for him and your robe tied back around your body, you were both grinning and giggling like a pair of idiots together, still on a high. 

“We need to incorporate that into the real deal more,” Jungkook said, referring to the vibrator now stood on your bedside table. “Let me be in charge.” 

“It’s got to make its way back home first,” you joked. 

You had climbed into bed by now, welcoming the warmth and annoyingly your eyes started to feel heavy. 

“You tired?” Jungkook noticed straight away. 

“I can stay up a little longer,” you insisted, wanting to chat with him before you fell asleep. A text or a phone call just wasn’t the same, and even though it’s only been a few days, you missed him like crazy. “What did you eat for dinner?” You asked, making small talk. 

He raised both eyebrows, eyes wide. “Do you really want me to answer that?” 

No, probably not. You knew the answer already. 

It was always a ramen diet for Jungkook when you were away...  

Written 2020. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2020

[letthefrogsbe]

remember when I was gonna write that parkner fic?

cool so I've decided I'm gonna, but because I cannot write for SHIT and I hate my writing every time I see it, ill just share my outline of what I have so far. its not coherent. sorry. 

Section one: aunt may dies. It’ll be like “it's been 3 months. 3 months since May was shot. 2 months and 3 weeks since she died.”

Something like that idc. Basically this section will base around peter living tony, because he’s not doing well, and he is only 17- which is not actually old enough to be on your own after something like this. Setting is established, with cameos from dr strange (who tony is dating and lives with (yeah bite me, this is my fanfiction i can make it what i want.) it will be made obvious that this takes place after endgame, which also means that tony is Not going to die. I’m not that mean lmao. The avengers are like largely together, there was not as much death in this as there was in endgame. Whatever. Everyone is very nice to peter because they know that for him its either this or him becoming a ward of the state so like.

Section two: harley gets kicked out. His mom finds out that he’s gay (from gossip sources idk) and kicks harley out. Im not going to write them having a big fight like in the moment, but harley will recount what happened somewhat to tony in this section, and then more to peter later in the story. Gay ppl trauma dump, we know this. Okay anywaysss so harley calls tony literally sobbing and like freezing fucking cold. IM SORRY IM BEING SO MEAN TO THEM I PROMISE THEY'LL GET A HAPPY ENDING. Okay. harley explains how his mom kicked him out. Tony asks why, harley says something like “she didn’t agree with my lifestyle choices” like bitterly. Tony is a good person in this (i know, im really taking some character liberties) and he’s in the mood for collecting strays apparently, so he has happy send over the quinjet. He can’t make it himself bc hes in fucking japan or something for the next few weeks,, but. Yeah! Tony also calls peter, who is presumably in bed and feeling depressed. “Hey pete. How ya feeling? Any better?’ ‘Not really, tony. Sorry.’ ‘you don’t have to be sorry-’ ‘damn tony you sound like my therapist.’ “sorry pete, but i do have something to tell you- you know harley?’ ‘only from what you’ve told me about him, but yea. He was the tennessee garage kid, right?’ ‘i mean. Yes. so- he’s gonna come stay with me for a while too- it might not be permanent but it will probably be a bit. He’s about your age, and he just has no where to go (just like u). He’s not going to stay in your room or anything, but with bruce and thor here, he will be in your apartment area.’ ‘okay tony.. Will i have to talk to him a bunch?’ ‘not if you don’t want to- i already warned him about you, so it should be okay. I wouldn’t worry so much pete- you guys are so similar in a lot of ways that i wanted to introduce you two long before he called me.’ ‘okay tony, i trust you. Thank you again for letting me stay with you :)’ (yeah that kind of got away from me)

Section 3: build up. this is a shorter section. Harley and peter are gonna meet in section 4. This section is harley’s jet ride (with an intuitive happy) and harley’s nerves about how he really isn’t worth this (i mean hes pretty intimidated tony sent a private jet just for him) and happy like reassures him. Hes still insecure though. Peter is also nervous bc what if harley doesn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like harley?? Tony did say they would get along, but peter hasn’t really been himself recently, so who knows? Yeah lots of that. I do want to emphasize though- peter is not completely unhealthily coping. Like he has a therapist and he has been reaching out to ned and mj, but its still an open wound for him. Obviously. He still has a sense of humor though, but its to cover these deep insecurities. Like the first month or so that he was with tony, he was reallllyyyy trying to not get close to him bc he sort of thinks he kills everyone around him. Like logically he knows this isn’t true, but he does really think the that non superheroes that he surrounds himself with are very at risk if they know about his spider-man-ness. The only people who know now are ned and mj (may knew too).

Section 4: the meeting of harley and peter. Keep in mind peter has been living in this apartment/area of stark tower for about 3 months now. He actually moved in while may was in the hospital because he couldn’t stand to be alone in the apartment when he knew why may wasn’t there. And um. Yeah. so peter is like comfortable in this space, basically. Also- the reason theyre in the same apartment is because stark tower was not really created with the idea of housing broken orphans in mind, so it only has a certain amount of residential space. Thor and bruce are currently staying there together (although no one really knows if theyre together, or if theyre just best bros who went through some extreme trauma together and are now inseparable. Hmmm wonder if thats gonna come up later) and theyre using one apartment, and happy lives there with his own apartment, and tony and stephen are currently sharing the penthouse, even though thats not public knowledge. Really only the people close to tony know that he’s dating stephen. So. this leaves just the one other 2 bedroom apartment for peter and harley. It has one bathroom, and the bedrooms are connected by a door but theyre pretty big so like. Theres a kitchen, a living room with a fancy ass tv, and a really pretty view (with a balcony bc <333). May died in march, peter got leave from the school in april, and it is now the middle of june btw. Tony is now peter’s official guardian (he was before may died anyways) and now has sole guardianship over him which he has fully accepted, even though peter and him both know that there are going to be times where he has to go out of town bc he does own a company after all. Times like right now. Harley is pretty nervous that tony isn’t going to be there to greet him and that he is going to have to like introduce himself to peter and everything. Cmon, theres no reason to feel like that, he’s the one intruding after all, he should at least be able to handle himself. (<--- harley’s thoughts). Yeah so theyre insecure super cool. A n y w a y s so peter was stressing about harley as he arrived, and so when harley walked in they were both complete bundles of nerves. Harley walks up but knocks. Peter actually jumps (bc spidey sense okay whatever) and goes to get the door. Oh my god these awkward teenagers i hate them so much (i love them). Peter kinda looks like shit, sorry king. He was a little bit crying earlier, then tony called and he switched into stressed out ball-of-anxiety mode. Distractions are good, its okay. Peter opens the door for harley and they like introduce each other all awkward (again sorry) and peter shows harley where he is staying. Harley doesnt really have muchhhh bc he was kicked out and all. He just has a suitcase full of clothes, his favorite blanket, his favorite stuffed animal (yeah whatever bc ofc he does) and his phone/charger. He sets all his stuff down at once. He thanks peter for letting him stay in his apartment and also said sorry. First thing peter noticed was harley’s accent. Stfu. peter asks why harley’s here- ok. Harleys had a long ass day. Too fucking long. He- he breaks down. He tells peter a lot. About how his mom found out that he was gay, and how she told him never to come back. Yikes. Anyways, this is establishing the beginning of their relationship as friends. Peter is there for him even though he doesn’t know him at all. Peter sees some of himself in harley in this moment, even though he’s not talking about himself yet. Eventually harley does ask about peter, and they really just get to know each other really quick. They have these deep scarring individual traumas, and neither has nearly recovered, but they find comfort in just knowing that theyre not alone in their suffering. At least for now. At least in this moment.

Section 5: the next day. Peter and harley spent that whole night talking about what they were going through. Peter said good night at around 5 am (there were no adults around they can do what they want to) and they both got good sleeps. In peter’s case, one of the first solid nights he’s had in a while. Harley was kept up a little longer after peter left, however, because he just couldn’t shut off his mind. It was really cathartic for him to just lay everything out there and for someone to just accept him. Peter told him he was bi, but he was.. Lucky. He had accepting people in his life. May was accepting. God, harley couldn’t fathom having lost everyone in his life, everyone he ever cared about, and still having the heart to sit and talk with the dumbass anxious gay kid who can’t go home anymore. His problems felt so small compared to peter’s, and all he could do was admire peter’s resilience and how he was seemingly able to bounce back from anything. God, peter was something. He couldn’t wait to get to know him more. With that thought circling in his head, he finally went to sleep at oh shit 6:30 am. Peter woke up around 1. Harley at 2. When harley woke up, peter was watching tv and eating cereal on the couch and he just sat down next to him. No words, just sleepy children being sleepy. They stayed like this for like an hour when someone knocked on their door. Enter stephen strange!!!!!!!!!!! Get excited people. Hes just coming in to check on them bc tony told him to, and he didn’t get the chance last night bc he was _busy_. K so now he’s here and hes awkward and he just wants to make sure these boys r okay bc theyve both been through too much recently, and it would be just the cherry on top if they didn’t get along. Him and harley had never actually met before so he like introduced himself and all that. Offered like if they needed anything he was there, and its only gonna be a few days until tony gets back (did i say a week earlier? Im retconning that bc i cannot find it in my writing so it is now retconned). Peter and harley just have to sort of explain to dr strange that theyre getting along gREAT and there is no need for concern….. And peter was even thinking about showing harley around the city a bit that night (something he had not yet told harley, but wanted to make it seem like he was doing well and not acting too depressed in front of Dr. Strange) so dr strange is like yeah !!!!!! do that, that sounds super fun petey !!!!!! and so now they have evening plans

ok ps I wrote this like 2 weeks ago and completely forgot I posted something on Tumblr about this fic idea, and so this is literally just how I talk to myself. was not gonna ever post this but then I decided to because I'm bored. there are more sections but I'm not gonna post them rn because this post is really fucking long already!!!!

[lisannach]

self - para.

summary: life-long reflection and what happens beyond her stint at gallagher.

notes: i may have cried writing this but im also a mess period. thanks for hanging w this woman for the last few months, its been a blast! also, this is my love letter to the og series, specifically to liz’s valedictorian speech that still makes me cry to this day. 

what is a gallagher girl? seven-year-old lisanna knew of the world of espionage the day her mother, sylvia "swan song" harlin had snapped the neck of someone that had entered the manor and had pulled a gun on her younger sister lisbeth earlier that night. when the harlin children were gathered in the family room, the four of them had their futures planned out right then and there. and while their mother would rather shut down the whines of 'well i wanna be a rockstar!' , 'i hate seeing blood!', 'i'm scared!' , their father welcomed them and assured them they would adjust soon enough. "so, it's like the military?" a then thirteen-year-old wilbur had asked their parents. lisanna saw her mother's lips curl, "not quite." and it was the first time she’s heard the names gallagher and blackthorne. and amidst the escalating pressures of being sylvia’s daughter, she thinks: i’d love to be a gallagher girl. "it's exciting here, isn't it, lis?" lisbeth had asked her, one afternoon during her first year, lisanna during her third and had gotten her own share of stress from her threat elimination and weapons classes. she remembers nodding, a smile from ear to ear. it was the mark of her unusual stride in life; the smile that was always present when she's not knees deep into serious espionage business. "i bet it's even more exciting once we're out there, betty. can you feel it?" and lisbeth laughed, "i'm just a first year, lis! but i know you can't wait to get out there!" after teaching lisbeth how to properly put a kiss on one of gilly's statues, she leads her to the towers and they gossip about life, about the other girls, and about their brothers. one already on the field and one in blackthorne. as a gallagher girl, lisanna savors the moments of normalcy - the homework, the bonds, and the moments she didn't have to fill with her incessant talking. the goal was to graduate with great grades and a job, therefore making her mother proud. to be a gallagher girl was the highest mark of pride and she'd reap every benefit she could and make sure lisbeth does too.

"gallagher girl?" ellison had asked, tone somewhat dripped with judgment. to him, he had known that prissy little academy to be of renown; brilliant girls they said. but ellison would be lying if he didn't think of lisanna then as just one of those girls. spoiled out of their brains with dresses that fit them well, shoes that isn't as sharp to kill, and trust funds as deep as the atlantic ocean. "does that scare you, caspar?" she had asked, one brow raised. behind her saccharine smiles lay a rabble-rouser, one who thrived in chaos and danger and -- well, was it really a surprise that she had adapted to the life as her father had predicted? ellison grinned. back then, he had graduated from university of virginia and was about to go into quantico. to him, lisanna was just another college grad that frequented the royal diner in d.c. a pretty face, sharp wit. surely, it would be a one-night thing? years later and she finds herself out of the field, tending to an infant of her own. while gallagher never did have a childcare curriculum, she figures she could get through it. gallagher girls were made for anything, after all. even babies. her mother a year back had spoken to her, saying that because of one little thing ( at least to lisanna ), that she didn't have a birthright to much of anything. goodbye trust fund, goodbye prestige that came with being a harlin .. but lisanna didn't care. fuck being a harlin, she remembers whispering to herself more than a few times in her life. ellison's hard work plus her own let them afford this nice apartment in d.c. while it was no manor, lisanna knew it was never about how big your house was. it was full of love and energy and with elisa in her arms, what more could she ask for? turns out, when the child has grown up .. she asks for a lot more than what she thought she would. and she almost regrets it. what makes a gallagher girl? elisa was twelve. lisanna was long gone from her role of wife and mother and she was back on the field working mission after mission. she craved the thrill and the danger and the chaos and -- ellison could never say no to her leaving. even if it hurt. because he knew her. he fell for her and he knew why. he expected her departure, but he never expected what would happen next. the way their daughter acted out in an attempt to see if she could lure her mother back somehow. if, maybe, she made enough of a wave, lisanna would reconsider working in the field and come back. but at twelve, elisa wasn't a gallagher girl yet. lisanna would think about it, but it wasn't a life she wanted to push onto them. but years pass, elisa's behavior worsened and ellison was at the end of his rope. so lisanna opens the door into her world, hoping it would be the one to satiate the chaotic energy her own spawn had given off. and it did. elisa was twenty-one, and lisanna was slowly sinking into a specific state of boredom. who knew after twelve years of being in this job, living a life that your own personality could actually take, that you would ..get bored? the thrill wasn't fully gone, no, but it was getting there. so she sends her daughter a message to meet up in d.c. for one day during the summer. at the last minute, she gets called in and, like before, she chooses that world and leaves her daughter hanging. she's forgotten what it was like to be a daughter and to realize that having a matriarchal presence might mean more than she could ever think. because after twelve years, you stop being a gallagher girl and become the very thing they want ( or don't want ) to be. this pleases her mother, who had wanted nothing more but for her children to thrive in the field and excel. killing machines who will help shape society as we know it. she never did ask any of her children if that's what they wanted nor would she have cared. if she did, then she'd know just how much lisanna struggled inside. not just because she doesn't quite know where she stood, but because for all intents and purposes, she should know. she has the skills, the mentality and the endurance. so what's wrong? when lisanna is invited back to gallagher to teach, she almost lunges at the opportunity. it wasn't the shady alleys of moscow or the sweltering heat of monaco as she waited for the target to appear, but that was what she liked about it. a new thrill, a new kind of fun. "fun" to be used loosely, of course. there was nothing fun about the brotherhood and dead bodies and betrayals and a fire. but it occupies her. but she was here for one precious thing: a second chance to see and reunite with her daughter. and while it didn't work out the first time, elisa comes around. and she almost couldn't believe it. what's a gallagher girl made of? there was a distinct difference in how she handles family in every part of her life. even more if she took specific people into consideration. with her parents, she kept them at arm's length and made sure to smile widely for pictures and to shoot straight at targets. with her siblings, she was the shoulder to cry on and tears rolling down their faces as she cracks her tenth joke in that hour alone. with coworkers on the field, she was a no-nonsense weapons master who will kill if the mission said to kill and would deliver frappuccinos at the mission cool-down party. with ellison, she was lisanna harlin. the girl-next-door, triple pepperjack cheese and more tomatoes than what ellison is comfortable with in a tuna sub. the one who supported his every big decision and never complained about the quaint little apartment they called home because it meant much more than a house to her - it was her family. all on her own. and she had so much love to give than she's ever have given before. with elisa, she was blanket forts near the biggest window on starry nights, coming to her defense when sally easton says she pulled her hair when she didn't, and the shadow of a woman she's thought about for the twelve years she was absent. gallagher's curriculum didn't teach her any of that. and while she considered some of the girls and the faculty to be family during her stay then, they surely didn't teach her about separating from your husband and abandoning your daughter. does she still consider herself a gallagher girl? the morning after the end-of-the-year party, she watches the graduates walk across the stage, elisa's sleepy figure next to her, and she beams with a strange kind of pride. gallagher ( and blackthorne ) could claim them for as long as they want. living trophies of the kind of success you could get if you get in and survive all four years. but lisanna knew that it could only take you so far out there. she drives to d.c., elisa in tow, and after they park the car, they pass by the familiar pot of plant that has now long died and the door opens and she sees the love of her life. a scruffy beard and undereyes darkened to years of shouldering the chaos happening everywhere twenty-four seven. and she feels like she's back in that week after graduating gallagher academy and she's getting her usual order at the royal diner and this fresh bastard comes in and thinks he could smooth talk his way into her pants for a night. it's a lie. he stays for a few days and years pass and she's lived a few more lives than she ever thought she'd ever live and she's here. "well, if it isn't my favorite gallagher girls." ellison remarks, opening the door further to let the two in. elisa almost runs to the living room to drop off the bags and use the restroom because her mom did not stop at all during the drive ( but she also wanted to have their moment because it has been twelve years ). wordlessly, lisanna hugs ellison, her head against his chest and she hears their entire life together. and she realizes that while there was absolutely nothing wrong about being a gallagher girl or a spy, she loves being lisanna. and she never had to choose. all this time, she never had to choose. she could just have it. right here. / e p i l o g u e . she hears people talk. lisanna wasn't retired yet, after all. and through ellison's plans to get promoted once again and elisa's strange rants and ravings, she hears people talk. of many things. about a lot of people. and when she hears of jack's ( @jvckstone​ ) death, she exhales and takes a day off from her family to attend the funeral, somewhere in the back. to say that she was grateful for the tiny bit of hope he gave back in their room after elisa had rejected her was an understatement. after the funeral, her mother calls her for the millionth time and she presses ignore for the millionth time. the youth called it self care and if she ever had to face good old "swan song" ever again, she'll be sure to give bobby ( @bbygrvr​ ) a call. he's more than perfect to bring just to converse with her mother as she sips rum from their teacup and smiles every so often when her mother looks over. and after returning home to d.c., she lays back in the chair as her phone rings to her daughter who raves about everything under the sun to her. ellison arrives with two cups of tea, one for each of them. "so, like, is that so cliche? mom, he is so hot, i can't get over it. but would you hate me if i slept with a musician?" elisa asked over the phone. "i would." ellison called over from the love seat and lisanna lets out a laugh. "you know i won't."

and she sees the rest of her life beginning. just like that.

[new-to-this123]

River Love

As Per Requested

could you please do a imagine where the reader and Bryce have been best friends since they were little and the reader sees Bryce in the river and saves him? maybe they end up dating at the end or something? thank you :)

Bryce Walker X Reader 

Warning: swearing, fluff, season 3 spoilers

Word Count: 1642

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Text: 

Bryce: Hey after the game meet me at the pier

Y/N: ok. I miss you brycey!! 

Bryce: :) i miss you too. That's why I wanna see you. 

Y/N: ill be there :P 

Y/N was sitting in the crowd waiting to watch the Liberty/Hillcrest football game. It had been a very anticipated game, since this would be the first game all the boys from Liberty would play against their former captain and friend, bryce walker. 

Y/N had been friends with bryce since kindergarten and nothing could come between them. Y/N knew that Bryce had done some questionable things but Bryce had always been good to her. In freshman year, he even stopped a senior from raping her. 

Jessica and her HO buddies ran onto the field cheering “Hey hey ho ho Rape Culture has to go”, then Carter from HIllcrest grabbed her boobs and the riot started. All the boys from liberty and hillcrest were fighting each other. The coaches and the police tried to break the boys up. Y/N ran onto the sidelines trying to see if she could see Bryce. By then the police and staff had managed to break up the fighting and she decided to head to the parking lot. Bryce wasn't there either. 

Y/N drove down near the pier and parked. She never saw Bryce drive by nor did she see zach come and go. But she did notice ALex and Jessica drive by her. She got out her car and followed. She arrived at the pier and saw Bryce on the ground with alex in front of him and jessica not far behind. She tried to listen to their conversation but she was too far away and didn't want to get caught. She was slowly moving closer to the three when bryce's voice got louder and she heard 

“For fuck sake you guys. Please”  jessica and alex exchanged a few words that Y/N couldn't hear and JEssica walked away and Y/N heard Bryce say to alex

“Please, i don't want to die out here. Alex! Alex, please” and bryce's voice got quieter and Y/N couldn't hear but Alex walked towards him and helped him up. As he helped Bryce up, Bryce screamed in pain, causing Y/N to start crying quietly. Suddenly bryce was yelling again. 

“FUUCK! Fucking Zach! Im gonna fuck up his other knee and wreck his fucking life” 

Alex answered “you're not going to do anything to zach.” 

“Im gonna fucking destroy him” bryce yelled in pain. Then he looked at jessica and said angrily 

“You! You set me up” 

Alex yelled back “ She did not set you up” to which bryce yelled back 

“She fucking set me up!” 

Y/N stood up from where she was and saw bryce and alex stumbling around. When they stopped alex said something to bryce and started pushing him over the edge of the pier. Bryce tried to fight back but with his legs broken he couldn't do much. As Alex pushed Bryce over the edge Y/N ran up to Alex and jessica, looked at alex and yelled 

“WHAT THE FUCK ALEX”  before jumping into the cold river after her best fried. 

Bryce couldn't keep his head above water with both his legs broken and was panicking. Y/N had a hard time reaching him because of his panicked state but when she did she swam  to shore with bryce in tow and called 911. 

The ambulance arrived and brought both teenagers to the hospital. Y/N was brought to a room and made to wait to be taken by police while bryce was rushed into surgery.

Once the sheriff arrived at the hospital they took Y/N to the station to be questioned. 

“Y/N please don't lie to us, i know you know what happened so tell me” officer standall told Y/N. 

“I told you I didn't see who it was, all i know is that alex and jessica got there and bryce was already beaten up, alex helped bryce up, bryce got defensive alex got mad and pushed him in the river, I jumped in to save him. I swear it's the truth.” 

“Alex pushed him in?” officer standall asked again. 

“Yes!” 

“OK you can go” officer standall told Y/N 

Y/N rushed back to the hospital, ran in and talked to the desk clerk in the emergency room. 

“My friend was brought in by ambulance all beat up and thrown into the river, i need to know if he's ok” 

“He’s still in surgery, you'll have to wait in the waiting room.” the clerk told Y/N. 

Y/N walked towards the waiting room and saw bryce's mom. 

“Oh Y/N the doctors told me that you saved him”

“Ya i jumped in after him and pulled him out. You know I never understood why they made waterproof phones till now” Y/N told Nora Walker with a half smile. 

Nora started crying and hugged Y/N and said 

“Thank you so much Y/N! Thank you! I know he's done bad things but i swear he's getting better. I know he's trying.” 

“He is getting better Nora. he's been doing so well!! He knows he messed up and he knows he needs help. And porter is really helping him!” 

Y/N and Nora sat in the waiting room for a few hours before the doctor came out. 

“Well i got some good news for you, he's going to be ok.  It's a good thing you were there to pull him out because he wouldn't have been able to save himself. He's got a severe concussion, a dislocated shoulder blade, and in both of his legs his tibia, fibula and patella are broken . With lots of patience and physiotherapy he’ll be able to walk again, and maybe even play sports again.” 

“I don't care about sports as long as he's ok.” Nora said crying happy tears

“Yes he’ll be alright. You guys can come see him if you want” the doctor said leading the way to bryce's room. 

As soon as Nora and Y/N walked into the room they started crying seeing bryce all bandaged up and with both legs in casts. About an hour of being in the room he was slowly waking up from the anesthesia. 

“Mom” bryce whispered 

“I'm here honey. And so is Y/N” Nora answered. 

“Y/N” bryce whispered. 

Y/N held onto his hand. Bryce patted the bed beside him, signinling Y/N to come lay beside him. 

“I'm so happy your ok brycey” Y/N said hugging bryce, tears falling down her eyes. 

Everyday day after school Y/N would go see bryce and on weekends she was there from morning till night time. She never left his side. 

It was saturday morning and Bryce had been in the hospital for two weeks now. Y/N was sitting in bryce's bed with him just talking and helping Y/N with some of her homework, when the physiotherapist walked in. 

“Good morning bryce. Good morning Y/N. How are we this morning?” she asked 

“Y/N is giving me my daily dose of gossip and were catching up on some school work.” bryce laughed 

“Alright well now it's time for me to give you your daily dose of arm physio” the physiotherapist laughed. 

Bryce had just recently started doing physio for his dislocated shoulder. The doctors had told him that he could take the sling off as of two weeks and that it would be 4-12 weeks before he was 100% better. His tibia, fibula and patella fracture would probably take another 6-8 months to heal completely. None of that stopped Y/N from being there everyday and being by Bryce's side to support his recovery. 

Three months in the hospital and Bryce was finally being released. He was wheelchair bound until his legs could support his weight. Y/N Drive to the hospital to pick up her best friend. 

"Y/N you're here!!" Bryce said as the nurse pushed him outside. 

"Of course I am silly" 

Bryce got into the car and Y/N Drive off. 

"So you remember what I told you about a month in to the hospital?" Bryce asked grabbing Y/N hand

Y/N smiled looked over at Bryce and replied 

"Of course I do! You told me you were taking me on a date the day you were released!" 

"Good you remembered!!" Bryce smiled " since I can't drive, I was hoping you wouldn't mind driving, maybe we can do Rosie's or Monet's or wherever you wanted?" Bryce said shyly.

"Is Bryce walker blushing?" Y/N laughed as she saw her best friend blushing.

"I choose Rosie's!" Y/N said driving towards Rosie's. 

Y/N parked and helped Bryce out of car and they sat at Rosie's. 

They enjoyed their night. They talked and reminisced about all the things they've done together and all the boys and girls they've dated over the years. 

By the time they left Rosie's it was almost 2 am. 

"I've missed the outside world so much" Bryce said to Y/N as she pushed his wheelchair outside. 

"Ya I'm happy I finally get you outside the hospital" 

Y/N helped Bryce into her car and drove him home. The whole car ride the teens held hands. As Y/N pulled up to Bryce's house Bryce looked over at the young girl and smiled. 

"You know Y/N, You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on. And, I really like you, actually I love you. Do you maybe want to be my girlfriend?" 

"Awwwe bryyyyyyce. I love you too!! And yes yes I do!" 

Y/N leaned over her the middle console in her car and kissed bryce.

[taylornock]

how cell phones made our lives better while simultaneously ruining them

hi fam!! it’s me, again. are you tired of hearing from me? me too. that’s why I’m here to rant about social media / phone / technology. bc i hate it… but in a loving way???

everyone remembers when they got their first iPhone. seriously. why is that such a monumental moment in our lives? i can hardly remember what i felt like freshman year of high school but can pinpoint the feeling of sheer glee unwrapping my iPhone 6 in eighth grade. i have this thing that is attached to me 24/7 - when I go anywhere (even downstairs) without my phone i feel weird. that is f***ing SAD! PATHETIC. i hate feeling that dependent on what is essentially a pocket robot.

for what it’s worth - phones have done INCREDIBLE things for the world as we know it. for example, this quarantine shit has been testing all of us; and our phones are helping us get through it in so many ways. our phones let us see the faces of those loved ones we are missing, our phones provide us with stupid tik tok content to keep everything light hearted, and our phones let us check in on each other. all amazing things! when we are at school, we have instant access to our lives at home . being able to call my mom whenever i want is something i definitely abuse. “mom, I’m on my way home from Thompson right now and i think i have a brain aneurysm but my bio final is at 11am tomorrow will i make it” … an actual conversation i had with my mom at the end of freshman year. needless to say i was medicated shortly after THAT meltdown. I am such a brat that i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t text my dad and have him immediately get me the password again to our Uverse account…… god forbid i miss an episode of the bachelor. i have this phone, and that’s what i do with it? abuse its powers to ask my parents for medical advice or a password i forgot? have we lost sight of everything here?

throughout life and especially throughout quarantine… my phone is the definition of a possession that is a blessing and a curse. I’m so grateful to have the ability to bother my friends - whenever i want! the options are endless! i love keeping in touch with people i thought id never hear from again, and being able to talk to so many people in my life and make my heart swell. now, when a conversation with someone other than my two roommates (shoutout parents) is so rare ⎯ that phone is my weapon and i use it to help flatten the curve: flatten the curve of covid19 and flatten the curve of my mental illness 🙃 [humor is a coping mechanism okay let me live] but like, i KNOW i’m not the only one that looks at my screen time and immediately wants to die. how can i honestly be looking at my phone for that long? picking it up THAT many times?????? my phone is the best distraction and also the most toxic - it makes me feel better but has a tendency to bring up all my issues and blast them into the reflection of my blue light glasses...... its called fashion look it up.

to give some examples - let’s open up my most used app: snapchat. I go on snapchat with the best of intentions - to see a memory from a year ago that makes me smile. to respond to my friends and see what their mood today is based on the look on their face. to creep on snap stories and see what everyone’s cooking and doing with their lives. somehow, tho, after spending a few minutes on the app.. i end up with a pit in my stomach most of the time. the person i want to respond hasn’t responded in 4 hours. oh god lets overthink this- they don’t like me anymore and are no longer interested in speaking to me and only respond every once in a while out of pity or because they are uncomfortable. everyone hates you. oh and GOD FORBID someone leaves me on open??! I am not funny nor interesting nor worth a reply - suddenly, i have equated my value to receiving or not receiving a photo of someone’s blank stare. this is extreme, and this is dramatic. but trust me —— this is the hamster wheel always turning in my head. I’m not even going to touch on snap maps; that feature is pandoras box and someone better fucking shut it.

second most used app is instagram. i scroll for hours, i have time limits set for the app acting like i’m actually going to listen to them and get off. lmaooooooooo. i love looking at aesthetic stuff and dogs and food and recipes and my friends’ beautiful faces. but you know what i don’t like? constant nudges to compare myself to others. oh look at her having a party with all of her friends even though we aren’t supposed to be. am i a loser for trying to be safe? oh look at her washboard abs, i’m never going to look like that and will never live up to the standard of beauty society has set for me. look at all of these people in their happy relationships. why can’t i have that? it goes over and over and over. its not like i sit there and think of these things just like that, its a precedent in my mind when i stare at everybody else that i am going to size my own life up against theirs. for years i followed every single elite model / VS angel on instagram to motivate me to do better - to start being psycho about what i did to my body so i could be as gorgeous as them. what kind of fucked up mindset is that? i would literally watch their footage of them eating rice and vegetables once a day and try to copy it. i would watch their runway walks obsessively trying to recreate them in heels alone in my house - like that was all i could imagine doing with my life. did i ever stop for a second to look at that photoshoot of gigi hadid and wonder if she was happy? wonder if the constant pictures she saw of herself ever made her insecure? what was i doing? the day i unfollowed those girls was a monumental day in my journey to a better self image. i didn’t realize the people i thought were my “motivators” were actually my triggers. i have grown to a point in life now that i would much rather eat a stack of chocolate chip pancakes that make me dance in my chair like an infant than practice my runway walk and shame my body in the mirror. and i am so freakin happy! 

i could go app by app for hours. but moving on to the next thing i hate about cell phones - how they have destroyed our biological methods of communication. you hear about those psychos who think the world is destroyed by technology and we are going to be overrun by robots. but hey, I’m with the psychos on this one. i have this amazing friend, Trevor Wright, who without fail at EVERY dinner announces “phones off friends on” and collects our phones into the center of the table. yes, we are 20 year old adults. yes, we hand our phones over to Trevor and let him yell at us for trying to see if ~that person~ snap chatted us back. i have so much respect for him because of this. there is nothing worse than staring at your phones when you could be having a good conversation about life, about love, about laughter + memories, about “do you think hellen keller is real?” anything, bro, anything. anything but snapchat messaging your hoe of the week or mindlessly playing tetris to twiddle your thumbs. we all need to start loving a little harder, and the first step to doing that is to communicate better. communicate smarter. I’m guilty of alllll of the above, don’t get me wrong. and I am ADD asf and constantly playing mindless games just to stimulate my brain. but i need to stop that! even writing this is taking some time away from the dumb shit on my phone - and encouraging me to communicate how i     r e a l l y   feel to my homies that will read this. communication - especially body language - is fascinating. I’ve studied it in  psych, I’ve learned the neurological bases of behavior and why we do what we do. I’ve learned how much our life experience impacts who we are as a whole...and it! is! fascinating! i also think that’s why i love film so much. because it can capture the raw moments of your friends just being your friends, of you just being the person you are, and the world around you just existing as it exists. i love the raw moments; and not just because indy blue posted one youtube video of her slow mo laughing and now thats the only footage i find myself shooting. 😚

im not quite sure what this post is, lol. but - just a rant on technology. so listen to me:

take advantage of technology + social media! it CAN BE GREAT. for so many reasons. but, don’t let technology + social media TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU. stay true to you - know how to communicate with yourself and your loved ones without the use of a robot. remember that feeling when you setup up your first iPhone? imagine if you could feel that again, with your phone nowhere in sight. if you don’t know how to communicate with yourself yet, start by journaling. WRITE! TYPE! SPEAK! do what you want. getting your thoughts down even without an audience is so crucial to understanding yourself and others. if you don’t like to write, reflect. breathe. meditate. make art. do what makes you feel at peace, and do whatever makes you feel like the world makes a little bit more sense than it does. 

IF YOU ARE READING DOWN TO HERE, I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU, SAY IT BACK! LIFE IS A FUCKING HIGHWAY. AND IM SO GLAD YOU’RE ON MY INTERSTATE. <3

xoxoxoxo

gossip girl

[chimcharstar]

1-100 TELL ME ALL

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?

Jesse

2. How old are you?

22

3. When is your birthday?

dec 9

4. What is your zodiac sign?

sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color?

purples

6. What’s your lucky number?

9

7. Do you have any pets?

no

8. Where are you from?

bc canada. my great grandparents are from russia

9. How tall are you?

5 something

10. What shoe size are you?

7?

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

3 that i actually use

12. What was your last dream about?

i dont remember my most recent one but i had a banger of a dream i described in another post

13. What talents do you have?

i think expressing myself, or music, i have some talent that needs discipline

14. Are you psychic in any way?

well i am a spiritual person, in a way. and growing up in a toxic drama filled family, i have Developed the Skill of guessing how people are feeling and what they are gonna do. and i analyze dreams. so not psychic but i am really interested and intuitive whats goin on in there

15. Favorite song?

for some reason https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oilVq8-F4_Q colours by roosevelt ive been obsessed with lately i just loop that shit. loop loop loop. blaringit into my ears and speedwalking down thestreet. the beat.!!!! i feel like I  took all the colours

16. Favorite movie?

spiderverse. i really enjoyed always be my maybe.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who doesnt make me feel like im Too Much

18. Do you want children?

not RIGHT NOW

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i have no idea actually. id want a special wedding definitely.

20. Are you religious?

yes, i honestly feel like i just come like this, i dont go by any books and i dont want to be associated with christians. if i be too religious i start getting the Bad Feelings

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yes visiting sick relatives. and one in a psyche ward.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

i got a parking ticket

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

no. maybe i did and i had no idea who they were because id never heard of them

24. Baths or showers?

showers.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

alien socks that are green and black

26. Have you ever been famous?

no. what does that even mean !!!!

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

yes because money but noooooo. its hard when one person definitely doesnt like me. if im famous some people just wont like me and theres going to be more of them

28. What type of music do you like?

stuff with electric guitars in it. funk. bops. i cant get enough lately

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

no

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

one. and sometimes NONE. i dont fucking know why its just more comfortable. id lie down on a floor and pass out

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

i usually cant fall asleep unless im on my face with my arms tucked under me for warmpth and general log shape. after that though its chaos. dreamin

32. How big is your house?

BIG!!!!!! so many rooms. so many people. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

on a Functional day, cereal. not because its my favourite thing but it doesnt require a lot of attention and its easiest to tolerate. my appetite is just. like this

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

HELL no.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

in my child days i shot my hair elastics around and pretended i was fighting aliens. this is definitely archery.

36. Favorite clean word?

i dont really think about words like that. pizza is a nice word.

37. Favorite swear word?

bitch. its really fun to say.

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

not all that long. if i was up the entire night i am usually sleeping in midday no matter where i am. ive disappointed many teachers. its called not caring.

39. Do you have any scars?

yes, but theres no dramatic stories to them, just me not leaving scratches and bites alone as a kid. they look kind of cool though. and theyre so mysterious. youd think id have scars from self harm but no.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

i believe so...

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i am 100% like morally committed to lying.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

NO. my thought process is: its rude to assume someone is going to behave badly, and they will be offended and have hurt feelings if you anticipate that. i have to like. treat everyone with exactly the same respect unless theyre a dick. otherwise its being judgmental. and it ends up as naïveté. but im okay with that . the price of being a good person

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i could do a british one once i guess LOL and it looks like now ive Absorbed a mexican accent but i never really try to talk in other accents

44. Do you have a strong accent?

i dont know how to answer this

45. What is your favorite accent?

idk i like new things i havent heard before. and thinking about how other languages work. theres a lot of different accents at my work and i honestly enjoy listening to them

46. What is your personality type?

that.... INFJ. see. psychic

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

one of the gay jackets

48. Can you curl your tongue?

dont think so

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

left

51. Are you scared of spiders?

depends. i had these big house spiders in my dungeon at my parents house, and id just be “hi” and set them free. but if i see one where im not expecting it i might yell a lot and tell everyone and run around and then set it free

52. Favorite food?

tacos from my old work. i was indeed. screaming, lost in the sauce. i waited until i was away from the restaurant because i knew all my dignity would vanish

53. Favorite foreign food?

idk... i need to eat more curry. i need more curryin my life. bring it on.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

clean

55. Most used phrased?

“this slaps” i feel like ive been saying that a lot

56. Most used word?

I

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

a whole entire fucking hour (when i wake up) otherwise 5min

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i do, but i hide it. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

chomp chomp. i am not a patient man.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

yes, when i know no ones around, or when im not worried about seeming like a crazy person at work

61. Do you sing to yourself?

nah

62. Are you a good singer?

no. i can sing and it sound okay.  nice even. but good??? like beautiful?????? no.

63. Biggest Fear?

someone dying, natural disaster, new illness

64. Are you a gossip?

maybe. i feel like i have the Tendencies and then im like “am i being a bad person right now”. i want to know the deets though.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

i Simply Dont Have the Attention for Those

66. Do you like long or short hair?

BOTH . long hair is more fun to draw. short hair is hot

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

fuck no. why would i. fuck off. i dont care about your states.

68. Favorite school subject?

ART ART AR T

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introerverte

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

no

71. What makes you nervous?

people who are not Definitely Cheerful

72. Are you scared of the dark?

no. unless i think about things to scare myself on purpose

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

no unless they need to know. because im not a fucking ANIMAL

74. Are you ticklish?

depends. i can be not ticklish if im determined.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i dont think so... i started a rumor i was from mars

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

maybe i was supposed to train some girls and then i probably didnt do a great job and they didnt listen. they say my job now is somewhat authority and im like...... ok...... 

77. Have you ever drank underage?

no

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no

79. Who was your first real crush?

someone whos OUTTA MY LIFE

80. How many piercings do you have?

two? i got them pierecd at claires lmao and i didnt get an infection because im  so salty. then i took them out because they were from claries

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

hell yes

82. How fast can you type?

so fucking fast. faster than my work finder helper. im fast im very fast

83. How fast can you run?

IM VERY FAST

84. What color is your hair?

orange

85. What color is your eyes?

green

86. What are you allergic to?

im still trying to figure that out. whatever it is gives me hives

87. Do you keep a journal?

yes. so i can get better at handwriting and just talking in general and hear what my voice sounds like. and to have a space away from other peoples needs and pressures

88. What do your parents do?

my mom is a stay at home mom and my dad shoots pop bottles into the sky

89. Do you like your age?

sure

90. What makes you angry?

everything. cabbage. i swore about cabbage for a long time the other day. i am just full of anger. 

91. Do you like your own name?

YES. i mean i chose it i better. honestly my first name ......... i feel self conscious about it sometimes. i think it was the only name for me though. it wasnt the ideal most wonderful namei could find because those didnt fit, it was MY name.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

im going to have two sons and im naming them brick and rusty.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

yeah, i want a boy a girl

94. What are you strengths?

my strengths doing all 100 questions, this is serious muscles

95. What are your weaknesses?

the exhaustion of jumping from one question to the next especially when they are vague. im not complaining this was my idea

96. How did you get your name?

i pfound it in the baby name book and i was lie  “hey yyy, i saw that name in black beauty, lets use it for my gay coded villain what the hell!”

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

no but i did have some ancestors who lives i a mansions andhad fucking SERVANTS. before you call me problematic my other part of family was like sewing things and not going to school 

98. Do you have any scars?

weve been over this. when im older im going to get a cool scar fighting a dragon

99. Color of your bedspread?

pink, white, blue

100. Color of your room?

white

[h4ppy-kn1ght]

One through One hundred

LOL…ok i’ll do these first then EVERYTHINg else.

7. Do you have any pets?

Yes, I currently have one- it’s a three-legged dog named Baci.

13. What talents do you have?

I wouldn’t really say I do outside of casually drawing and food making

32. How big is your house?

It’s about 2,500 sqft - one floor so it’s ok but not really that big or spacious

Thanks for asking

—————————

1. What is you middle name?

NO NO NO

2. How old are you?

Early 20s

3. When is your birthday?

12/13

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Sagittarius

5. What is your favorite color?

Maroon usually

6. What’s your lucky number?

I can’t say I really have one tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

8. Where are you from?

Brazil (Rio)

9. How tall are you?

two inches above average for what I am

10. What shoe size are you?

7.0-7.5 US at most

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

At least in the double digits, hopefully not more than 25 pairs of shit?

12. What was your last dream about?

I actually don’t remember!

13. What talents do you have?

14. Are you psychic in any way?

No  lol

15. Favorite song?

I have several, mostly weird/niche

16. Favorite movie?

I have several, mostly weird/niche (yes its the same answer as 15)

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I never thought about it because I don’t really know what I need.

18. Do you want children?

Alot of the time, not really- but I’m also too young/busy with myself to want it now

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Not really,unless my partner really wants it.

20. Are you religious?

Not really :/

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

A good amount of times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nope

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Not that I know of- at least the mainstream limelight sorta way.

24. Baths or showers?

Showers easily

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I’m not wearing any atm but the last pair i was wearing was like- black and white?

26. Have you ever been famous?

no….? 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Depends for what reason but sure, why not

28. What type of music do you like?

Electronic, ambiance, indie, rock, musical-like kind of- really depends

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

no and i dont plan to lol

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Fetal/one my side or on my back usually, stomach too sometimes

32. How big is your house?

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Usually something with eggs and milk- I have been really inconsistent with what I eat for breakfast atm

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No 

36. Favorite clean word?

uhhh…? Cocoa? I dont know LOL

37. Favorite swear word?

Faggot

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

21 hours..? I was doing hw overnight.

39. Do you have any scars?

Very tiny amount but nothing noticeable unless you’re trying to find them actively

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 

yeah.

41. Are you a good liar?

Not really

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Depends, wouldnt say I own the truth

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Not unless its bad so not really

44. Do you have a strong accent?

Some people have told me I have one but i dont think so

45. What is your favorite accent?

I wouldnt say I have a favorite its not something I care about actively- I know the ones I dont like though.

46. What is your personality type?

I dont really know I feel like people have a different perspective of that and idk who i really am usually

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I had a jacket from Ferrari but idk what happened to it- not sure 

 48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Thankfully innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

No

52. Favorite food?

I almost never have a problem with milk-related food

53. Favorite foreign food?

Alot ..? really depends on my mood but sushi usually works for me

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I’m personally very hygienic and my room imo is well kept- not OCD organized but theres nothing on the floor  and it has a sense of order

55. Most used phrased?

Really can change so idk - just depends on the season really

56. Most used word?

uh/idk/fuck/shit i think is what i abuse

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Really depends but assuming im showering and trying to look nice about 45 mins at worst?

58. Do you have much of an ego?

No

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck and then bite when its too small

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Rarely and its usually about shit i need to do- thats it really

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Not USUALLy  but yeah

62. Are you a good singer?

no lol

63. Biggest Fear?

Failing 

64. Are you a gossip?

depends but yeah i can be sometimes

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

idk I thought inception was very dramatic

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Depends, if the long hair isnt well kept/cleaned it might as well be short imo

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Probably not because I forget most of them

68. Favorite school subject?

P.E

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introverted 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Yes, I dont care for it

71. What makes you nervous?

Being shat on I guess and treated poorly or anything that’ll fuck me over

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Depends, if the area has sharp objects/cockroaches, creepy noises yeah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depends but usually no unless it really bothered me or they want to hear me

74. Are you ticklish?

Depends but yeah i dont like being tickled it is not comfy

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

No lol

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Not really

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Barely 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

No

79. Who was your first real crush?

Some ginger who literally had ODD and hurt me badly after I showed interest back

80. How many piercings do you have?

one pair is closed up , so just one pair.

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yeah

82. How fast can you type?

Id say above average , probably enough to type for a job or something

83. How fast can you run?

I have no idea tbh

84. What color is your hair?

Dirty blonde/almost brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Greyish seagreenish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

Nothing as far as I know

87. Do you keep a journal?

No

88. What do your parents do?

They’re both in the medical field

89. Do you like your age?

Idk not really? so far its lame?

90. What makes you angry?

Some shit i aint gonna talk about, but in a more personal sense usually being shat on, lied to upfront, etc

91. Do you like your own name?

It’s ok ..? idk if it deeply reflects me

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Not really LOL

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

With how shit the world is idk , seems like an L either way and im scared of having an ugly one

94. What are you strengths?

Id say I can tolerate more than normal people and my patience can be really plentiful usually. I dont get easily offended even if i dont agree usually

95. What are your weaknesses?

I think people influence my mood throughout the day, which really sucks, im also sensitive and i feel excluded usually

96. How did you get your name?

My mom thought it was a strong name

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

No

98. Do you have any scars?

39 already asked this, cringe

99. Color of your bedspread?

Grey :)

100. Color of your room?

Very tinge of color but it looks pretty much grey and expresso minus the lil decor everywhere…

thank yuo

[literaryfaeriecorner]

02/21/2021: Promotions, Old Friends, and Yellow School Buses

link to original post

February 21st, 2021

somehow i received a promotion at work last Friday even though i am literally probably one of the LEAST motivated people teaching at that school... fuck. so... now, instead of just being a regular-schmegular teacher, i am now the '6th grade head social studies teacher' which means that i have to run planning meetings for the social studies team, attend morning meetings discussing whole-grade growth and failings, and solutions for how we're going to get the kids to... not suck. uuuuuuggggghhhhhh!!! and this is for the rest of the year and the next!!!!

apparently, i am the 'perfect person' for this position because all of my classes have consistently performed better than the rest... but between you, me, and the entire internet, that speaks more to the abilities of my students than my own personal abilities as a teacher. i don't believe i'm a sucky teacher or anything but the fact remains that between work, grad school, delusional lovesick-related episodes, mental illness, and other varying distractions, i am not Doing The Best I Can. in fact, i'm literally in survival mode 95% of the time. the other 5% of the time, i'm in manic-as-fuck mode. so... do i really DESERVE this promotion? who even fucking knows? i like to believe, however, that i'll eventually figure out how to bullshit this new responsibility as well and no one will be the wiser. i mean, if this promotion came with a financial boost as well, i'd be more inclined to not fuck it up but, like... i'm doing more work for the same weak ass pay... i'm not as motivated with kind words and encouragement than i would be with a solid boost to my pay grade. anyway... whatever.

i was on tumblr the other day (i am fasting from all social media sites during the day for Lent but tumblr doesn't count because i literally just reblog five or six posts into the void, look at sad literature quotes, and log out just to do it all over again the next day... i am not addicted to tumblr as i am to twitter, instagram, pinterest, and linkedin... yes, linkedin. my quest to escape my job has led me down a very weird and addictive path) and i came across this post by user beetlejuices:

"isn't it all about old friends? like everything? all of it?"

and it is. i think so. i really do.

one of the things i've been conscious of in my early adulthood is that i am still chasing after the friendships i had in middle school. i wrote about this two Lents ago too. there is a memory that i remember so vividly in middle school and it reminds me constantly about how i felt so loved and appreciated and like the world couldn't go on without me if i somehow left or disappeared or went away. i think about it all the time. that is how freeing and loving and whole it is. just a simple memory of being three hours late to school (after a huge, blown out argument between parents who should've divorced years ago) and being startled by a flood of texts that starting pouring in at 7 that morning.

ashley: YOOOO where r u? they snagged all the donuts from the corner store!

alysha: you missed the bus this morning?

ashley: i bought donuts off eman 4 u... say im the best :D

kiera: U MISSED CRYSTAL'S FAT HEAD ASS SLIP DOWN THE STEPS LMAOOO

kiera: u're always here early u good?

alysha: are you coming 2 school today?

ashley: are u ok?

Christyl: don't forget we have a test in math!! where are you?

kiera: babe?

ashley: are you ok? why is ur phone off?

alysha: i just talked to ashley are u ok?

Christyl: where r u?

kiera: i just talked to ashley r u ok?

kiera: none of ur sisters r here either... u ok?

ashley: i'll call again @ lunch

alysha: pls be safe

Christyl: i'll tell the teacher you're sick and maybe you can take it tomorrow

Christyl: are you ok?

and even more messages that were sent during and inbetween classes... i thought it was a bit too late (and too time consuming) to respond to them all individually so after being signed into school three hours late, i decided to wait for all my friends at our table in the cafeteria to surprise them before explaining my mess of a morning. i was nervous because i thought they would be mad at me for some reason. but as soon as they saw me, ashley, alysha, kiera, and christyl, they came barreling towards me screaming my name. it was an entire scene. people looking at them crazy and then raising their eyebrows at me, not seeing what the big deal was. i probably looked the same exact way that i did the day before. unspectacular, bookish, awkward. they couldn't see what the big deal was. it embarrassed me but it thrilled me at the same time.

they nearly knocked me to the floor pushing each other to get to me first trying to steal the first hug. in the end, i stretched my arms out as far as i could and they all fell into them. we probably looked a mess. a tangle of brown legs, arms, frizzy hair, loose braids, and scuffed dress shoes. i remember feeling so loved and wanted. i felt bigger and grander than i was. i had stopped the world for five entire minutes and i didn't do anything. i was just existing.

i don't really talk to any of the girls anymore. i follow them on social media and i wish them happy birthday every year and we're all on each other's close friends list on insta... so i still know a few, if not all, of their secrets... but we'll probably never be as close as we were in middle school. and that's ok. i still love them as much as i did when they tackled me in the lunch room that day. i still root and cheer for them like we still spend every night after school on the phone for hours talking shit and planning presidential campaigns and gossiping about boys. i will never forget that day in the lunchroom. ever. and, like i said, it has only occurred to me now, as a young adult, that i've been chasing that kind of friendship and sisterhood since it happened.

i like to treat all my friendships as mini-romances. i remember a tweet that said, "friendships ARE romance," and i agree. i think i'm in love with all of my close friends, if not all of my friends. it's embarrassing (just a bit) but i have probably fallen in love with all of my friends at least once or twice. this is especially true for my group of college friends (at this point, they are really family). i have been in love, at least once, with all eight of them throughout our four years. i don't actually find this embarrassing like i said earlier. what's embarrassing is that this information might embarrass other people which, in turn, would thoroughly embarrass me. but the fact itself doesn't embarrass me. that is how i am. i fall in love and out of love at breakneck speeds. i think it's important to be a little bit in love with your friends.

i really enjoyed being in undergrad and planning literal dates between all eight or nine of us. and we would call it that. "what are we doing for our date next weekend?" "so who's going on the date tomorrow?" "are we cancelling the date or does the weather not matter?" (the weather always mattered.) my favorite college date was valentine's day senior year. we all went to korean-style karaoke and ordered so much food and drink we could barely stand to sing. we were all sat around the tv singing horribly to mariah carey or beyonce or rapping to nicki minaj verses. we took so many bad pictures and tone deaf videos and we kept leaning or hugging or holding each other's hands. that's another thing i love about my college family. most of us are touchy-feely people. i am a touchy-feely person. i'm southern and my mom is ridiculously gooey so one of my love languages, inevitably, is touch. i, usually, reign it in A LOT unless i have a partner but in college, i somehow discovered a whole group of people who loved to kiss each other on the cheek and hold hands and lean on other people, and lock arms. i felt at home. really.

maybe it's not only about old friends, though. maybe it's about feeling at home.

there was another post on tumblr and i think about it a lot. it's a screenshot of a tweet from twitter user @HumbleCore.

"HUGE NEWS: finally found my best friend from middle school on FB. We've both been looking for each other for over a decade. I told her I think about her whenever I play any boardgame or drive by a church. She told me she uses my name as her password at work. A perfect reunion."

when i read that the other night, i cried. i don't know why. it was heavy and ridiculous and i was worried my roommates would hear me. i don't know why i cried. at all. and even typing it out like that made me want to cry again. the feeling is not as strong or as overwhelming as it was the first time but it's still there.

i think about a best friend i had in first grade. even before i thought of ashley as my best friend (i have known Middle School Ashley since the first grade. i thought we were destined to be best friends forever and ever and ever, which is what i wrote in her middle school yearbook). his name was Malik. or Malique. my memory fails me. but anyway, i loved him like crazy. we didn't do anything without the other. we shared lunch together, we HAD to be partners on every field trip, i cried when Ms. Sanchez moved my seat from his in an effort to stop us from disrupting her lessons and i hated her for an entire week. (a very long time from a first-grade perspective.) even now, i think about him whenever i go to petting zoos or farms and when i ride on yellow school buses with my students.

Malik/Malique was my first kiss. we were hiding from Ms. Sanchez and the other chaperones so we could pet the goats one last time. while we were hiding behind a barn, he kissed me. "for good luck," he said. and then we sprinted across the farm to get back to the goats. and we pet them again before Ms. Sanchez found us and ordered us back on the big yellow school bus where we held hands for the entire hour-long ride back to school.

it's very silly to think now but in high school when i was trying to determine whether i loved my first boyfriend or not i remember thinking, "well, does he make me feel like Malik/Malique?" it's silly but sweet. at fourteen, still comparing the way he made me feel behind a barn at 5 years old to how another boy, years and years later, made me feel. it is silly but i think it's sweet.

i don't actually have any interest in finding Malik/Malique or knowing for certain what he does or how he's doing because i seriously doubt i had such an impact on his life, but i hope he's well and alive and happy because that's what i always naturally hope for when i pass petting zoos or farms or see bright yellow school buses.

so, yes. i think everything, us, our relationships, the entire world, is about old friends. all of it. every last bit of it.

i have a whole-grade data analysis, 300 pages of reading, and two mini-papers for classes to finish before tonight so i'm going to get going... i just wanted to write about old friends first.

[forevercaroline]

Tvd in New York chapter 7

For @caritobear and @recklessnesspersonified

Gossip girl here is your one and only source for the New York elite: The upper east side just lost a queen, sources have revealed that our resident bad girl Katherine Petrova has moved. And now that winter break is upon us our elite will be jet setting off to their private islands. You know you love me gossip girl.

Xxx

A couple days after Katherine left, the parents decide to leave too. “We don’t know what is going on between you three, your usually so close.”

All three Salvatore siblings start talking at the same time Giuseppe has tried to block out his children bickering since the brunch a week ago but he has hit his breaking point. “ Enough. If you are going to argue and be at each other’s throat do it in penthouse where nobody can see you.”

They all nod but Liz has something to add. “Caroline your debutant classes start next week. I will be back for your cotillion. Also your not in Rio Vegas or anywhere else your in New York City dress appropriate. I left some outfits on your bed.”

“Goodie can’t wait.”

Xxx

Caroline goes up to her room and looks at her bed her mom has put ten outfits on the bed. All the jeans are dark blue skinny and bootlegged, black and white turtlenecks there are dresses but all of them are floor length long sleeve no skin showing.

Caroline rolls her eyes while looking threw them she puts them with the other clothes her mom has given her. There’s a spot in her walk in closet that is specifically all clothes her mom has gotten for her. She never wears them.

Instead she goes over to the jeans she does wear and pulls out a pair of teal skinny jeans and pairs them with knee high buckle heel grey boots, a white tank top with a grey open front shawl cardigan with draped lapels and a gold and teal necklace with her black purse.

Xxx

“Dorota I’m going to the lawyers then to lunch and shopping.”

Damon looks at his sister turning to leave. “ Tell Klaus he’s not my best friend anymore.”

“No, you can be mad at me but leave him out of this he has enough problems without you telling him your not his best friend anymore. We all know Klaus has a worse relationship with his parents then any of us do. Plus I’m going to lunch and shopping with Rebekah and Davina since we are still mourning with Katherine’s departure we need some shopping therapy.”

Dorota turns around “ I can’t take this anymore everyone sit you are settling this now.”

“Dorota they won’t listen they are going to drag this out even though it’s not that big of a deal.”

Damon stands up and faces his sister who is sitting across from him. “ Not that big of a deal. We don’t keep secrets from each other. You kept your relationship with Klaus from us. We would have accepted it.”

“You would of accepted it?”

Damon and Stefan both nod. “ we would be more protective but we would’ve accepted.”

Caroline smiles she jumps up from her chair and claps. “Yay I have so much to tell you guys.”

Both brothers raise their eyebrows “ Do tell sister.”

“Want to grab lunch and we can catch up I’ll call bekah and Davina and tell them im canceling brunch and might be late for shopping.”

As they are leaving Stefan looks down at his twin “ Why are you going to the lawyers?”

“You’ll never guess, the bedtime story Dorota told us about the countess who wanted more and forced into a marriage, only to leave her husband and find a loving family. Is one hundred percent true it’s Dorota’s life. She is already married I’m getting her divorced so she can be with Vonya.”

Damon turns around at the elevator and yells back to Dorota “ Dorota you sneaky woman no wonder you fit in so well with this family.”

Xxx

“ Mr. Maxfield the Salvatore’s are here to see you.”

Wes Maxfield is the Salvatore family lawyer he has his hands full with the family, mostly the kids but sometimes Giuseppe and Liz need him too. “ Send them in.”

“ And what can I do for you today. Post bail money, convince the mayor to announce that Caroline’s birthday is a actual holiday in New York City again, talk the police out of arresting one of you for the fifth time this month.”

The three siblings look at each other they don’t find this funny and this month they haven’t had to deal with the police at all. “ More like I need a divorce for a friend.”

“I’ve been with your family for a long time I know when you guys say for a friend your talking about yourself, so who did you marry in I’m guessing a Vegas drunk wedding, also I’m not adding your spouse into the will.”

Caroline rolls her eyes “Did you forget we pay you for legal advice not snarky sarcasm. You should treat us without the disdain since almost all of your checks are because of the three of us. If you want we could take our Money find a new lawyer and have you black balled from not only this city but every law firm in the world.”

The Salvatore siblings are not Wes’s favorite clients. They keep him so busy that it cost him an engagement. “ I’m sorry, I have not had enough coffee to deal with teenagers today. Let’s start over who did you marry?”

“My sister didn’t marry anyone it’s our housekeeper Dorota who wants the divorce. We just want to know if we can get her a divorce with the husband not being in the country.”

“I’ll look into it. Is that all?”

Damon turns around in the doorway, Caroline looks up at him and nods she can only handle Wes for so long. “ Yes you don’t have to put up with us anymore lucky for you. Unlucky for you we are the most interesting and richest clients you have. You seem to forget that when our father was looking for family lawyers it was our mother who suggested they choose the guy right out of law school, we made you popular we can tear you down.”

“Your right because of your family I have clients but I’m a good lawyer you can’t tear me down. If I have to I’ll go one on one with all three of you.”

Xxx

Since they had a big breakfast, Liz wanted her children to stop fighting so she had Dorota and the chefs make a big breakfast. They weren’t that hungry for lunch, so they just had some macaroons from ladurèe and hit up Dylan’s candy bar.

“ I can’t believe you two are fine with klaus and I.”

“ we were more angry with ourselves that we didn’t even notice you and klaus when with you keeping it from us.”

Caroline throws her arms around them. “ I love you guys.”

Xxx

“ Miss Salvatore, Miss Mikaelson and Miss Claire what brings you to the plaza today?”

“Mourning our usual room please and have a bottle champagne brought up.”

The front desk person hands them a pink key. “ Right away now will you be needing any spa cards or using the tea that comes with the room?”

The girls look at each other silently asking each other. “ No to the tea yes to the spa.”

They take the elevator up to the top floor and put the key in the pink door and open a suit full of pink, black and white. It’s the Eloise suit, the suite they would visit as kids and now as teenagers they still visit it but not as often.

Caroline lays down on the king size bed while Rebekah sits in a chair and Davina on the ottoman opening the bottle and handing it to Caroline who takes a drink and hands it too Rebekah. “New York just doesn’t feel the same without Kat.”

“I keep expecting her to come into the penthouse and say we’re going shopping and let’s sit on the steps of the MET and judge the underclass man.”

Davina taking a sip. “Remember when she dated Kai she would tell me about it because she knew I could relate because we had that fling when he first got here.”

Caroline flipping over on to her stomach reaching for the champagne “ I forgot you had a fling with Kai. He kissed me last year on New Year’s Day.”

Rebekah looks at her surprised “ He kissed me last year on New Year’s Day too.”

“ Enzo is going to be disappointed he’s not the only one who has missed all of us.”

Xxx

“Has anyone seen my pink top and black bottoms bikini, I found the heels but not the bikini and I just got it today.”

Stefan and Damon come out of their bedrooms, Dorota comes out of the living room. “ Why would we know where your bikini is?”

“ in the dryer I had washed all bikini’s and swim trunks. I’ll have them on your beds within the hour.”

“Car is here.”

Caroline coming down with her suitcase “ Dorota call Wes Maxfield, he called a little while ago and said that he drew up the papers and will send them over but he will have to send a copy to your husband. So he needs to know where he is?”

Xxx

They arrive on an island in Fiji, they have a private island and they have a big beach house. “ I call east wing.”

“ Kol you can’t call a whole wing plus we get the same rooms as last year.”

“After we unpack we should have a campfire on the beach.”

While sitting around the campfire Klaus reveals. “ I have to tell you guys something, I’m not a Mikaelson, that night we got back from Vegas and all hell broke loose but before we went to Katherine. Esther came into my room and told me my father is not Mikael but his old business partner Ansel.”

Rebekah and Kol both look at each other then at their brother. “ You are our brother, doesn’t matter if you have a different father we grew up with you, when we moved here you were six we were five you decided it was your job to protect us.”

Kol agrees with his sister “ Yeah remember when we were seven Rebekah and I were in the school hallway talking and these kids came up to us and started making fun of us because they said we talked funny and that we should go back to where we came from. Rebekah started crying I was comforting her and you heard Bekah and found us and stood up to the bullies for us.”

Klaus gets up and goes over to his brother and sister and they put their arms around him. “ I love you guys.”

“ We love you too brother.”

Xxx

Two days later Caroline who is leaning against Klaus on the beach. “ We should find your father does he even know you exist or are his.”

“He’s met me before but he doesn’t know I’m his.”

Caroline looks up at him “ We should go to London and tell him. He has a right to know.”

Klaus nods, Caroline looks over at Rebekah who is leaning into Stefan, Kol and Davina in the water, Damon joking with Enzo. “ This doesn’t feel right were enjoying the sun in Fiji and Katherine is sulking in Bulgaria.”

Rebekah nods. “ Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Caroline smiles and nods they gather everyone up and tell them the plan.

Xxx

Katherine is sitting in her window seat painting her nails black and cursing her dad for bringing her here when she could be in Fiji right now. When the doorbell rings and since they don’t have Nadia anymore that responsibility has fallen to Katherine.

She answers and let’s out a excited squeal. “ Did someone order some best friends.”

Katherine pulls Caroline and everyone in for a hug but manages to avoid messing up her wet nails, she has missed them so much she hates Bulgaria. The excited squeal was heard by Katherine’s mother who is laying on the couch with a washcloth over her eyes. “ Katerina please I have a headache who was at the door?”

“Some clothes I had left in New York I had Nadia sent them over.”

Katherine leads them upstairs to her room which is smaller then her room at the Petrova penthouse and smaller then her room at the Salvatore’s. “ Nice room.”

Katherine looks over at Davina “ You don’t have to lie to make me feel better I know it’s a small room and a small apartment. My father wanted to make it look like we are a close family so he didn’t even get us a pretend house he got us a pretend apartment and he’s never here. My mother has had a headache since we arrived at the apartment, I’m taking this better then her.”

Klaus sitting under Caroline speaks “ Would a trip to England to meet my real father make you feel better.”

That took Katherine by surprise “ What, your real father how much have I missed.”

“The night that you told us that your moving Esther also told Nik Mikael is not his father instead Mikael’s business partner Ansel is. Plus Nik is convinced that none of us will love him anymore since he’s not our biological brother, which is insane because we will always love him.”

“ Freya has known this whole time and never told me.”

Kol hits klaus foot “ Freya knew before me so much for brothers sticking together.”

“ Well brother blame Elijah, if he didn’t start crying Freya would never have gone out of her room to get him a bottle and see Esther and Ansel kissing and going into Esther’s room.”

Xxx

“ Mother with my whole life being uprooted and away from my friends I need comfort so I’m going on a 3 day shopping trip. I’ll be back before fathers thing.”

Katherine’s mother is still laying on the couch with a washcloth over her eyes. “ Have fun. Don’t be late to your fathers thing, and if you see anything I would like get it.”

“ Yes mother.”

Katherine returns to her room and looks at her friends “ Let’s go I have three days before I have to return to dull Bulgaria.”

Caroline swings her arm around Katherine’s shoulders “ I’ve missed you.”

“ I’ve missed you too.”

Xxx

While on the plane klaus had called Freya to ask her where Mikael and Ansel used to work together. She said they used to work in the Mikaelson hotel in the heart of London.

While they are walking the streets of London Caroline and Rebekah come up to Katherine and pull her aside. “ We got you a gift.”

Katherine raises her eyebrows in curiosity. Both Caroline and Rebekah share a devious smile. “ it’s waiting for you in your room at the Mikaelson estate.”

“ You two are evil tell me you got me a gift but don’t give it to me or tell me what it is.”

They find the Mikaelson hotel and go up to the receptionist “ Hello we are looking for Ansel, is he here?”

“ I’m afraid he just stepped out, you could leave a message and when he comes back I can tell him you stopped by.”

“ No don’t tell him we came here.”

Klaus leaves and everyone runs after him. “ What’s wrong man I thought this is what you wanted to meet your dad.”

Klaus turns to Damon, he loves that all three Salvatore’s are talking to him again. “ Ir is but meeting Ansel is not going to erase all the abuse from Mikael. What if Ansel is just like Mikael they were business partners.”

Caroline puts a hand on klaus’ arm “ It’s your choice but I know you will keep asking yourself What if I met him, what if he’s different. Your right you can’t erase what Mikael has done to you but you have the chance to have a father son relationship that is loving.”

Klaus puts his hand over hers and squeezes. “ We will try again tomorrow.”

Xxx

They get back to the Mikaelson estate and Caroline and Rebekah cover Katherine’s eyes and take her upstairs they open the door and uncover her eyes. Katherine smile is huge sitting on her bed is Elijah with roses. Katherine jumps into his arms and wraps her legs around his waist knocking him backwards onto the bed.

“I’ve missed you Elijah.”

“ I’ve missed you too my Katerina.”

Xxx

Caroline wakes up to the sound of her phone ringing. She reaches out from underneath the covers and Sleepily she answers. “ Hello.”

“ Caroline this is your father.”

That wakes Caroline up she sits immediacy up in bed startling Klaus who is asleep right next to her. “ Yes father.”

“ I’ve been thinking about the favor you asked and I’m calling to tell you I’m looking into it.”

“Thank you.”

Xxx

“ I have to get back to Bulgaria if I’m not back today my father on the way to Bulgaria threatened to send me to an all girls school in Siberia if I didn’t behave and act like a member of loving family.”

Kol starts walking backwards to face Katherine while walking through the streets of London. “ Relax Kitty Kat first we all know you would never survive in a all girls school, you love guys too much. Second I want a cinnamon roll and Davina wants hot chocolate.”

Katherine pokes him in the chest with her finger. “ And before Davina you, Damon, and Enzo were in competition to see how many girls at our school you could either flirt with, kiss or sleep with. Remind me who won?”

“You did you got the entire male population of our school to kiss you because you set up a kissing booth.”

Katherine smiles at him really big and proud. “ It was a win win the money went to charity and they got to kiss a hot girl I even got a teacher to volunteer his lips.”

“ Elijah doesn’t count.”

Katherine shares a look with Caroline. “ As I have kissed both you and Elijah I would say Elijah counts because he is a better kisser then you.”

“ I’ve missed you Kitty Kat. New York is not the same neither is the banter.”

“ I’ve missed you and the banter too.”

Xxx

Kol goes into the coffee shop and while he is waiting for his order he hears. “ Coffee for Ansel.”

He turns around and a brown haired blue eyed man with a suit and black long jacket is walking up to the counter. Kol looks out the windows at Klaus then at Ansel he can see they have the same eyes and same facial structure. “ Excuse me Ansel.”

“ Yes, do I know you, you look familiar?”

“ You know my family. Kol Mikaelson.”

Ansel looks shocked he takes a step back. “ Mikaelson, are you traveling with your parents?”

“ I stopped traveling with my parents when I was born, I’m here with some of my siblings, do you want to meet them? I know it’s been awhile.”

Ansel nods and Kol smiles cheekily he knows what he’s doing and as he’s leaving he hears the barista calls out his name. He goes out to his siblings and gives Davina her hot chocolate. “ You will never guess who I ran Into Ansel and he wants to re meet us.”

Everyone looks at Klaus who nods.

Xxx

They all walk in and sit down at Ansel’s table. Ansel is surprised by the amount of people. “ Wow your family has grown since I last saw you.”

Caroline, Katherine, Rebekah, Damon and Stefan look at klaus to say something while Davina and Enzo look at Kol.

“ Um were not all Mikaelsons. I’m Caroline Salvatore.” Caroline pointing to her brothers “ my brothers Damon and Stefan. That’s Katherine, Enzo and Davina.”

Everyone has noticed that Ansel and klaus have been looking at each other since they entered. Katherine bumps her shoulder into his. While Caroline nods and holds his hand. “ I don’t know if you remember me I’m Niklaus.”

“ I do. You loved playing with your younger siblings.”

Klaus nods. He doesn’t know what to say to Ansel. “ We have to go we have a plane to catch.”

“ Oh where are you flying too.”

“ Bulgaria.”

Xxx

They land in Bulgaria and are in front of the apartment building everyone hugs Katherine. “ You’ll be in New York soon.”

“ I hope.”

“ I’m going to miss you so much, I love you Kat.”

“ I’m going to miss you too, I love you Caro.”

[thebirdofpassage-blog1]

Bon Voyage!

A bit uneasy I sit at Starbucks, Gatwick airport edition. Desperately trying to connect to the wifi. 1,5h of wifi per gadget, ridiculous. Shyly sipping on my too-hot-to-drink-green tea, observing my surroundings. Men and women in suits having a professional looking meeting. People on their phones and computers, just like me.

I feel pressure on my chest that makes it a bit more difficult to inhale deeply. Probably from the little sleep and the small anxiety from jumping to the unknown again. And no mom, no need to worry. It’s all a part of it, trust me. It’s an enjoyable kind of anxiety.

I don't feel uneasy about the flight or the journey, but uneasy about the unknown and all that comes with it. The possibility of losing something important, missing a flight or just messing something up increases when you travel alone.

I love wondering on my own. I get to come and go as I please. If I want to be alone, I can always do that. If I want company, I’ll go sit next to a lonely person and start a conversation. The downside of travelling alone is doing fun things without having someone to share them with. The fun always doubles when it’s shared. But the people will come and go. I’m not worried about that.

I miss my family already. I miss dads weird jokes. The jokes that come out of nowhere and that are just so ridiculously unexplainable and stupid, you can’t help but laugh. I miss sitting down with my mom and going through all the gossip of my life. I’m so lucky to have a mom I can tell anything to. I miss the family gatherings. I miss my brother doing his mannerisms he’s done since I can remember. Drumming his fingers on the kitchen table, rapping some random, inappropriate lyrics and giving our dog so much love. I miss Julia’s loud voice as she asks ‘Well how about you Ada, how are you doing?’ after she’s talked about her life for the first half an hour. She gets herself in my shoes in a blink of an eye and always makes me feel good.

But now, Im on my own. Listening to four British guys having their afternoon tea and talking about the music industry today. The accent isn’t too strong, actually pleasant for the ear. One at the time they glance at me for some reason. Whenever I’m travelling on my own I feel like everybody is looking at me. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s all in my head.

I’m already sitting at my gate. I was expecting to get bored during the three hour layover but I only had time to eat an avocado salad at Nandos’s and then to find my way to the next gate.

People are getting up. I get nervous cause, I don’t know what’s going on. That’s also a downside of travelling alone, you have to be aware of everything on your own. No one is going to check if you still have your bag with you after you get out of the bathroom or if you’re at the right gate. But I like that. I like being the master of my own life.

I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared for the 11h flight. First I thought that I would have a full row to myself until this person out of a Travis Scott music video appears and sits next to me and asks if Im just visiting LA. I respond kindly and we exchange some words now and then but mostly stick to ourselves. This guy is a personality. We are from completely different worlds but we get along. We are synced. I told my self not to box people cause of their appearances but, for real believe it or not, this guy just smoked a few puffs of weed on an airplane in mid air. And no, I couldn't just make that up.   This is a great start for my trip. Cant wait to see what LA has to offer.

-A.R

[thecinnabitch]

All

*sigh*1) "What is your middle name?" Nicole2) "What is your age?" hehehehe3) "What is your birthday?"December 24) "What is your zodiac sign?"Sagittarius 5) "What is your favorite color?"it fluctuates between purple,green,and orange 6) "What's your lucky number?"uh 167) "Do you have any pets?"Yee. 1 white cat named Titus that you've probably seen in a couple of my posts and 1 dog named jasmine that I've had since I was 2 and a half8) "Where are you from?"uh Norman Oklahoma I guess 9) "How tall are you?"5'1 (yes I am smol)10) "What shoe size are you?"uh 5 in women's (yes I am smol)11) "How many pairs of shoes do you own?"19 but I only wear 2 of them12) "What was your last dream about?"idk 13) "What talents do you have?"none honestly 14) "Are you psychic in any way?"yeah I predict stuff a lot and finish people's sentences 15) "Favorite song?"it changes daily but right not its feisty by jhameel16) "Favorite movie?"I watched avatar (the movie about the blue people) when I was like 5 and haven't seen many movies since so I guess that one is my favorite 17) " Who would be your ideal partner?" my waifu Katherine 18) "Do you want children?"yeah19) "Do you want a church wedding?"never been in a church in my life tbh even though I was raised by extremely Christian parents 20) "Are you religious?"nope21) "Have you ever been to the hospital?"yep I'm a clumsy bitch aha and a lot of people in my family have died22) "Have you ever got in trouble with the law?"no?23) "Have you ever met any celebrities?"yeah this one time I was at Starbucks and this guy walked in and we both just stared at each other because he knew that I knew he was famous and he just smiled at me and ordered his coffee 24) "Baths or showers?"both25) "What color socks are you wearing?"uh rainbow26) "Have you ever been famous?"uh I was in the newspaper because I wore a scooby doo costume for Halloween when I was 627) "Would you like to be a celebrity?"uh yeah, money fam28) "What type of music do you like?"something with a good beet29) "Have you ever been skinny dipping?"one time when I was 11 my bikini top came off in a public pool30) "How many pillows do you sleep with?"uh 2 but I sleep with 6 giant stuffed animals 31) "What position do you usually sleep in?"Well I move around a lot in my sleep but I fall asleep on my stomach with one leg at a right angle and one hand under my pillow32) "How big is your house?" I've been told it's pretty big but if you want the specifics it's roughly 3,200 square feet33) "What do you typically have for breakfast?"Uh eggs34) "Have you ever fired a gun?"Pff my dad is in the military I've been firing guns since I could stand35) "Have you ever tried archery?"You're looking at the school champion of my elementary school36) "Favorite clean word?"Food37) "Favorite swear word?"I say fuck at least 3 times in each sentence 38) "What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?"About 18 days (send help)39) "Do you have any scars?" I have a lot everywhere because I'm clumsy and also depressed so yay40) "Have you ever had a secret admirer?"Probably in grade school 41) "Are you a good liar?" Absolutely how do you think I'm not in therapy or in a mental asylum yet?42) "Are you a good judge of character?"Sometimes I guess 43) "Can you do any other accents other than your own?"Besides me accidentally having an accent when I sing not really44) "Do you have a strong accent" I guess not?45) "What is your favorite accent?"Honestly I find them all cute/sexy46) "What is your personality type?"Uh I'm an introvert and an extrovert so i'm confusing aha47) "What is your most expensive piece of clothing?"Uh I think I got a 100 dollar jacket once48) "Can you curl your tongue?"Yes, in a lot of ways 49) "Are you an innie or an outie?"Innie50) (thank god im halfway I'm doing these all at 3 AM) "Left or right handed?"Both51) "Are you scared of spiders?"Nope52) "Favorite food?"This is weirdly specific but grilled chicken alfredo 53) "Favorite foreign food?"Uh see #5254) "Are you a clean or messy person?"Messy55) "Most used phrase?""I fucking have my life"(followed by a laugh)56) "Most used word?""Fuck"57) "How long does it take you to get ready?"Like an hour 58) "Do you have much of an ego?"Bruh I fucking hate myself no59) "Do you suck or bite lollipops?"Usually succ60) "Do you talk to yourself?"Yeah a lot it's sad61) "Do you sing to yourself?"When I'm alone, constantly 62) "Are you a good singer?"I've been told that I am but I don't think so63) "Biggest fear?" Never getting betterand disappointing people 64) "Are you a gossip?"No65) "Best dramatic movie you've seen?"I don't watch a lot of movies 66) "Do you like long or short hair?"On boys: longOn girls: shortOn myself (a girl): long67) "Can you name all 50 states of America?"No68) "Favorite school subject?"Lunch69) (hehehe) "Extrovert or introvert?" See #4670) "Have you ever been scuba diving?"Yes71) "What makes you nervous?"e v e r y t h i n g72) "Are you scared of the dark?"I'm only scared of what's hiding behind the darkness.73) "Do you correct people when they make mistakes?" Depends on my mood entirely 74) "Are you ticklish?"Also depends on my mood entirely 75) "Have you ever started a rumor?"I started a rumor that my real name was Brooke instead of Riley 76) "Have you ever been in a position of authority?"Only in group projects or when people are fighting 77) "Have you ever drank underage?"I accidentally drank beer when I was 4 because I thought it was Coke Zero 78) "Have you ever done drugs?"I'm the drug virgin in my group of friends 79) "Who was your first real crush?"His name was Quinn and we met in 6th grade and I had a huge crush on him for 3 years 80) "How many piercings do you have?"One in each ear but I've had them re-pierced like 3 times because I kept taking them out but now I haven't taken them out in 5 years81) "Can you roll your r's?"Yes, very well82) "How fast can you type?"I'm a chicken typer i've been exposed83) "How fast can you run?" I'm actually pretty fucking fast and i can run for a long time 84) "What color is your hair?"Uh when I was born it was black and when I was 6 months old it all fell out and white-blonde hair grew in and that's my current hair color85) "What color is your eyes?"When I was born they were purple but they slowly dulled down to a medium blue 86) "What are you allergic to?" Besides people, nothing 87) "Do you keep a journal?"Yes but I only use it to write songs in88) "What do your parents do?"My dad is a very high ranking person in the military and my mom pays a bunch of people in this huge glass building 89) "Do you like your age?"I'd rather go back to 4th grade when I didn't have depression and my best friend/wife still lived in Oklahoma 90) "What makes you angry?"Stupid people including myself 91) "Do you like your own name?"It's a little boring but I like it (I'm named after a superhero that only my mom remembers)92) "Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?"I've known what I want my kids to be called since 1st grade . I want to name my daughter after a precious jewel. Or isis the rainbow god. I'll let my significant other name our son.93) "Do you want a boy a girl for a child?"(they said a instead of or but I'm keeping it)I kinda just answered that but I want a boy and a girl94) "What are your strengths?"Uh my empathy and my ability to see the good in anyone. And I'm pretty stronk for a smol girl haha95) "What are your weaknesses?"My empathy and my fear of disappointing people 96) "How did you get your name?"As I said before I'm named after a superhero that only my mom remembers97) "Were your ancestors royalty?"Honestly, probably 98) (skip because they've already asked this)99) "Color of your bedspread?"Blue100) (FUCK FINALLY) "Color of your room?" Mostly yellow (my curtains and my rug are yellow) I fucking hate you William

[udonthreens]

60 truth tag uwu

arigaotu  @avarise

Nickname: udon.. uwudon.. ‘b’ sometimes... feel free to give me more lol

Bias: steins;gate.. s s te ins gate ...s tei... semi colon... love it. i stan steins;gate

Blood Type: no idea lol. o maybe??

Relationship Status:  single

Birthday: august 8th

Zodiac Sign: leo

Pronouns: they/them

Hair Length: too long tbh. slightly less than shoulder i guess?

Height: uhhhh idk lol. 5′7- 5′8 i guess??

A crush: h hah! hope not!

What do you like about yourself: uhhh.. hhh.. i think about stuff i guess. try my best not to take things at face value n make assumptions. think thats called critical thinking

Right or left handed: right

List three favourite colors: green blue red

Right now eating: some fudge a while ago

Right now drinking: lemonade

I’m about to: sleep probably

Listening to: nothing. 1 am silence.

Kids: i dont mind them i guess. dont interact with many

Get married: ehh... maybe.. depends on the person...

Recent phone call: mother

Have you ever dated someone twice: nope!

Been cheated on: nope!

Kissed someone and regretted it: nope!

Lost someone special: dont think so..

Been depressed: uhh idk! maybe!

Been drunk and thrown up: nope!

Had glasses or contacts: nope!

Had sex on a first date: nope!

Broken someone’s heart: nope!

Turned someone down: nope!

Cried when someone died: dont think so.. not about real people...

Fallen for a friend: uh.. kind of?? mmmaybe?

In the last year have you made a new friend:  hheck yeah

Fallen out of love: uhhh with interests i guess

Laughed until you cry: dont think so actually? ive laughed a lot before tho

Met someone who changed you: like everyone tbh. several people stand out tho

Found out who your true friends were: never really had ‘fake friends’ tbh.. my experience with making friends has been very non standard lol

Found out someone was talking about you:  hmm.. dont think so? tbh not 100% sure what this means... dont stand out enough to have people gossip about me or anything

Lips or eyes: uh eyes i guess

Hugs or kisses: idkkk lol

Shorter or taller: shorter bcs then i Win in height... assert dominance... Hyah but tbh i dont really mind..

Romantic or spontaneous: hmmm spontaneous i guess

Sensitive or loud: sensitive but loud sometimes

Hookup or relationship: relationship

First best friend: my nephew i guess

Surgery: had some fillings

Sports: no thankss

Do you believe in yourself: ssometimes

Miracles: also sometimes

Love at first sight: idk really.. love is more of a long term thing in general i believe

Heaven: uhhhhhhh

Do you have any pets: a sort of cat

Do you want to change your name: kinda but just bcs i can really.. probs wont

What did you do for your last birthday: dddont remember? didnt do much on the actual day. played some boardgames a short while after

What time did you wake up today: uhh like 11am.. maybe 12pm..

What were you doing last night at midnight: just scrolling through tungle or watching yt probs

Something you can’t wait for: s t e i n s g a t e z e r o

Last time you saw your mom: few hours ago

What is the one think you wish you could change about your life: id say make my last crush never happen but the world line i’d end up on would be pretty divergent.. maybe just being more organised. man thatd also help a lot

What’s getting on your nerves: uhhh a lot bcs im tired rn

i tag anyone who wants to do this!! which is a copout thing but idk who to tag!! have fun!!

[paul-patts-blog]

all for my boyfriends (why am i not dating any of your women?)

no women for u. 

BERLIOZ 

☾ - sleep headcanon-- berlioz rarely  sleeps in the nude. even after sex, he gets cold and has to grab a shirt and boxers. many times he has managed to sweet talk simba into doing it so he can stay curled in the covers. 

★ - sad headcanon- ugh his entire demeanor?? there r just so many 

☆ - happy headcanon- ber has learned a lot of life skills the past two years, like laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming-- even cooking! tbh he has grown to really like coming over to help nounou prepare dinner since he does that (or did that) with simba. 

☠ - angry/violent headcanon- ber’s anger is cold and sharp. he is not a physical guy but knows how to say like the perfect brutal thing. dem bonfamilles yo. 

✿ - Sex headcanon- ber is nasty. UHHHH. ber never went down on a girl and probably never will lolololol 

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon- as a young broody teen, ber literally made a KEEP OUT sign that he put on his doorknob at all times. it was mostly for marie tbh who terrorized him and his stuff

♡ - romantic headcanon- ber literally can’t look at a rose without thinking of simba and also simba’s aunt who has a rose farm. for the rest of his life, that’s what he’ll think about. 

♥ - family headcanon- hector was the person who bought berlioz his first david bowie album and on the day bowie died-- ber actually texted his dad and they had a CALL about it. it’s one of the only things they have in common. 

☮ - friendship headcanon- ber is literally the best friend u can have ok if u get him on ur side he’s one of those who will ride or die, offer to bury the body, etc. 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon- he really likes MAPS. whenever he goes to a new city he picks up the city map and keeps it. his desk is like fuuuull of maps. i’m sure lou has gotten him like old, antique maps before that he has in frames. 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon- likes really long plane rides, longer the better, loves airplane food, loves the whole nine yards /  dislikes any gossip or reality tv show it like literally makes him SO mad like he can’t watch dance moms or keeping up with the kardashians he gets /upset/ bc ppl are so /mean/ and /stupid/ and he hates it 

▼ - childhood headcanon- would wake up early to watch pokemon his one exception to the sleep until noon rule. 

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon- ber will be that old man busting out beautiful piano pieces in random places bc he will have lost all his fucks by then

♒ - cooking/food headcanon- wow can my above one with nounou count-- uhhh he is in charge of cutting veggies. 

☼ - appearance headcanon- ber is the type of boy to never take off his concert wristbands. sometimes he picks at them and they get ripped up and nasty and eventually they fall off. 

ൠ - random headcanon- i am bad at these uuuuuh ber once sang the pina colada song to simba when he was drunk outta his brain and simba probably captured a good 80 percent on video. 

◉ - Any other question of your choosing- idk im uncreative

HADES

☾ - sleep headcanon- hades has discovered that listening ot books on tape helps him get to sleep! 

★ - sad headcanon- uh that his mum didn’t leave a goodbye note 

☆ - happy headcanon- uhhh once opal saved up her money and took hades and persephone out to the movies and then they had ice cream!!! and that was the closet thing to a holiday that hades had as a child oh this god sad again

☠ - angry/violent headcanon- he used his ghost powers on his grandfather to like smash his grandfather’s head into the kitchen counter after he said something Truly Rude and knocked him out and seph was scared and crying and he had to call the ambulance and tbh he was very scared and felt guilty these r all sadder than my sad headcanon

✿ - Sex headcanon- goes down on belle at every opportunity bc he has a control kink (also does fantasize about her going down on him boy just likes oral sex)

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon- hades room is immaculate. he makes his bed every single day and washes his sheets once a week. or he did now he lives in hell and its SO DUSTY and he does all the dusting, 

♡ - romantic headcanon- uh lmao fuck uh. hades version of romance is having belle practice the debate questions with him. 

♥ - family headcanon- opal taught both her kids to read and do arithmetic before their peers and that’s why the acherons r smart alecks 

☮ - friendship headcanon- hades now plays words with friends with belle AND lou. wow. so popular. 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon- hades organizes the cereals in the pantry by alphabetical order. and the spices. and soups. basically anything that can be organized he likes having systems ok. 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon- blackjack and really gambling in general tbh he’s real good at it / dislikes- fried food 

▼ - childhood headcanon- walked to school no matter the weather bc people on the bus would torment seph and though he woulda FOUGHT THEM OFF seph just wanted to avoid it so, he walked her to school

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon- hades is honestly going to have trouble giving up immortality. he’s vain and he doesn’t want to grow old tbh. and bc he’s the ambassador he almost doesnt /have/ to ... 

♒ - cooking/food headcanon- hades loves chocolate milk its a sinful indulgence that he probably hid from belle for a long time and tbh he still denies himself chocolate milk a lot like challenges himself to go without chocolate milk for 90 days stupid shit like that everything’s a competition BUT HE LOVES CHOCOLATE MILK SO MUCH 

☼ - appearance headcanon- always immaculate. always. 

ൠ - random headcanon- hades sometimes refolds belle’s clothes that she folds bc its not good enough, sorry hon, 

◉ - Any other question of your choosing-don’t come at me

PAUL 

☾ - sleep headcanon- paul’s sleep schedule has long been outta wack, so he usually can only sleep three or four hours before his body gets himself up. normally he goes and gets a glass of water or if it’s a more restless night, he’ll have to read himself back to sleep. 

★ - sad headcanon- paul was the one who told his mother that lucas died 

☆ - happy headcanon- when the babies were born paul like basically spent the entire day taking pictures of themmm with perdy and he was so so happy and he still has every single picture no matter how terrible the shots 

☠ - angry/violent headcanon- paul has a tiny bit of a violent streak in him that he can mostly control, but he does get into fights with other blokes and has thrown stuff when he gets mad. 

✿ - Sex headcanon- the first time paul had sex his first words were “holy shit” quickly followed by “sorry” quickly followed by him coming. it was not the most impressive first time.

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon- paul and lucas shared a room and they were around the same size and had lots of the same tastes so they shared everything else too, so often that when lucas died, paul couldn’t remember if certain shirts were his, which albums were his, etc. 

♡ - romantic headcanon- paul is the type to write random notes and leave them around the house. he did this for perdy when she was pregnant and some of them had clues that led to OTHERs because he’s extra we know he’s extra 

♥ - family headcanon- the patts family is rarely all in one place, but they always congregate for one thing: football in the spot. unless paul’s mom is having a bad time, even she’ll come down. 

☮ - friendship headcanon- though roger is certainly his best friend, harry is his oldest friend-- knowing him since they were both wee lads in primary school around 6 or 7 years old. they tried out for the football team together. 

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon- paul actually knows how to brew his own beer! he learned his from johnny, who is a beer connoisseur and like makes his own types and swears he’s gonna get rich of them (probably never will) but Paul used to help Johnny with the whole process and they’d organize like ‘tasting’ parties which-- was just a bunch of men getting very drunk and playing card games tbh.  

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon- shopping for new clothes, he always feels so fancy and rich / grocery shopping nothing could be more boring and he usually impulse buys like more beer and sweets than he needs lol 

▼ - childhood headcanon- paul broke his arm when he was 8 after falling out of a tree and into the shrubbery. he was trying to hide from simon who had just got a new paintball gun and wanted to use paul as his target practice !!! 

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon- paul is gonna be the old guy who thinks he’s “cool” and “hip” and will like do the line dances and idk probably pick up a mid-life crisis hobby like SKIING thats dangerous but makes him feel “alive.”

♒ - cooking/food headcanon- his mother makes the most amazing cinnamon hot cocoa. whenever he’s sad, it’s what he craves, to him, sadness tastes and smells like cinnamon. 

☼ - appearance headcanon- paul loves getting ready for events. he and perdy would spend an equal amount deciding on outfits and doing their hair and shit he just-- feels so goddamn fancy. 

ൠ - random headcanon- paul lets edith read all his stories. she is the only one. she still gets emailed drafts. this is because edith hates reading, so if edith likes something, he knows that it’s good.

◉ - Any other question of your choosing

[heressomestuffs]

I’m just gonna go ahead and air my family’s laundry here cause I need to tell someone and the void is as good a place as any cause god knows it’ll be a few years before I can see a therapist

My grandma doesn’t know how to not tell everyone other people’s business. Like if you tell her something she’ll tell the rest of the family even is you ask her not to and say she forgot. She didn’t forget she just didn’t want to respect your wishes cause she’s a gossip and a bitch

My dad smokes. Not just cigars but he has boxes of cigarettes and I only know cause when I’d take his car to school he’d leave them in the glovebox and if there were ever drug dogs I’d be the one in trouble. I told him upwards of ten times in the year and a half I drove his car that he had to take them out or I’d get suspended and he never did. He also has a bad habit of just cutting you off or walking away when you make a valid and good point on a topic that he doesn’t really want to discuss but brought up anyway

My mom has no clue how to keep the peace between me and my siblings even though she claims that’s her role as mom. She’s never been the one who had to accept that she would never win. She has this atrocious habit where any time you have a problem with her she’ll guilt trip you by calling herself a horrible mother who can’t do anything right and then has the audacity to act like she was the victim in everything and it’s annoying as hell cause there’s no way to win. She says that no time is ever made for her yet she only wants to spend time with me when my brother or sister are busy like I’m an afterthought with few consequences. she also refuses to actually apologize and only ever says that she sorry but it wasn’t her intent which isn’t a real apology. She also makes excuses for why everyone else in this family treats me like crap even though none of it is my fault yet I’m getting the brunt of the blows.

My brother has the most condescending tone you’ll ever hear when he’s talking to me and I swear to god I don’t know how any girl could want to have a relationship with someone who talks down to people like that. Like he’s working on getting a salary type job not wages and he’s having issues cause he was banking on this one playing out and it fell through so now he’s pissed and this is after a long string issues and mistakes he’s made staring in middle school and going throughout college and onward and his loans are about to come collecting but god forbid I joke about him staying at where he’s working long enough to get promoted

And my sister is the biggest bitch of them all cause any little thing will set her off and she’s allowed to get away with it. She can not eat anything all day and no one bats an eye. She can disappear for hours on end and no one bombards her with the same fifty questions. Any time she’s in the wrong people namely my family will bend over backwards to make sure that she’s right and it’s sickening

And honestly I’m gonna regret posting this and some of you are gonna say that these are only temporary issues and it’ll get better with time and blah blah blah but this has been going on for well over ten years that I remember so it’s not just a thing that’s happening for now this is how my family is and it sucks and I can’t wait to move out and have minimal contact with them. My mom can say she’s moving in with me when my dad dies but there is no way in hell im ever coming back to this family once I’m gone