#an actually perfect relationship would be so boring they wouldn't put it on tv

[givehimthemedicine]

lumax as a premature relationship

first: I don't mean any of this like "the show shouldn't have done it". what I mean is that with lumax, ST is telling the story of a relationship whose flaw (if it can be summarized into just one) is that it happened too soon.

probably out of comparison to milkvan, and the delay of canon byler, lumax gets lauded as the wholesome ship based on true friendship that slowly blossomed into romance. but that's not accurate. Lucas is a good friend to Max, but Max isn't to Lucas, and it certainly wasn't slow.

even platonic lumax should've been a slow simmer but was a speed run

the newly-introduced Max has high walls, which suggests anyone who wants to get close to her will have to take a slow approach. but then before you know it, Lucas is just kinda. in there.

yes, it takes him most of the season to earn Max's trust, which sounds long, but isn't. the first time Lucas and Max ever spoke was Halloween, Wednesday. the arcade I think is Saturday, and the junkyard is the day after that? so she broaches the darkest subject in her life... 4 days after meeting him. with like. zero prompting. "that fog looks cool! btw my parents are divorced and..."

Max's walls are only so high because of how badly she wants to let someone in, so it's understandable that the right person could get in relatively fast. I have no problem with that trope. sucker, in fact. but opening up here was CRAZY for someone with huge trust issues:

you have to be careful who you confide in about abuse because if your confidant mishandles it so that your abuser finds out you told, things could get MUCH worse. she simply doesn't know Lucas well enough to know he won't accidentally put her in more danger (which actually he already did: by following her out of the arcade after she said not to, and again by showing up at her house).

this talk was moments before Max saw a demodog, meaning she's gone along with the supernatural story without any evidence. I'm not criticizing that; she's a kid who likes fantasy, wants friends really bad, and isn't above playing make-believe in order to be included. what bothers me is she confided in Lucas about her abuse BEFORE seeing a shred of proof this entire outing wasn't the elaborate prank she feared it was. in the infinitely more realistic scenario that these boys are just messing with her, and will ditch her after they've had their laugh, this could so easily have led to a much darker situation at home.

the timing of that conversation was so objectively, stupidly unsafe that I'd call it bad writing if it was an isolated incident. but, self-preservation instincts so terrible they can sometimes be better explained as elf-sabotage - that's just classic Max.

romantic lumax seemed kind of forced because as a new kid in town, all Max wanted was friendship

the snow ball is about a month after everything else. Max and Lucas don't seem to be a couple yet. it doesn't even look like they're dates. so to kiss him suddenly felt like another jump way ahead. he sure looked surprised.

I guess a month is a while when you're 13, but the romantic aspect felt rushed to me because the whole season is full of indications that Max only wanted friendship. and that's made super clear by her constant focus on group friendship. her dialogue throughout 2 is consistently group-oriented.

her behavior is too: as of Halloween, Max has Lucas and Dustin in her pocket. if she's crushing on Lucas, or enjoys attention from boys in general, why on earth would she go out on such a limb seeking Mike's acceptance after she already has what she wants?

because that's not what she wants most. she wants to belong to the whole group, like she keeps saying. (I'm going to ramble much more about this theme in another post soon)

Max continues to prioritize friendship / group activities even after lumax becomes a thing

a few examples:

lumax's idea of "romantic time" can include their friends, in contrast to milkvan prioritizing alone time.

Max (and Lucas) drop 1 on 1 time (washing out his eyes is a scene that's an easy kiss opportunity for your standard tv teen couple) in favor of a long trek in the sun to build a radio tower so Dustin can talk to a girl she doesn't believe exists. Max and Lucas do skip off together, but again in contrast to El and Mike who leave early to make out, they only leave because it's time to go home.

^that's the same Max who tagged along and earnestly participated in armoring up a junked schoolbus to fight monsters without any proof.

despite downsizing for trailer living, she kept the Michael Myers mask in memory of the first night she felt like a part of the party.

unlike others who yell for their loved one from the UD, Max calls out for Lucas and Dustin.

her life-saving montage includes many platonic as well as romantic moments.

alright killjoy, if Max only wanted friendship, how's it make sense that SHE initiated all the romantic stuff?

ST is not a universe where grabbing someone's hand in a tense moment is necessarily an indicator of romance. Dustin said he could feel "the electricity" when Lucas and Max held hands on the bus, but then, Dustin also ships stobin.

the kiss, I could actually come closest to calling a writing misstep because.. it wasn't written. it feels forced because it was, as a last-minute unscripted thing - not because the Duffers decided it fit Max's characterization, but purely because they thought it was funny how uncomfortable Sadie was with filming her first kiss. <- this interview is actually so gross.

but, that kiss is canon regardless of how I feel about bts lore, and it fits and it works in the sense that this is the story of a flawed relationship. Max initiated it despite not being ready for it, simply because she thought she was.

Max's childhood fears about bad relationships have made her overeager to prove a good relationship can exist. so the first time a boy is actually kind to her, she's like OH SEE LOVE IS REAL I DONT HAVE TO GROW UP TO BE MY MOM LET'S GOOOO and hurls herself into something she's not mature enough to realize she's too immature to execute well.

if that kiss was so misguided, how's it still Max's happiest memory?

there's no conflict there.

she grew up around terrible relationships and probably feared she was destined for the same, so to find a nice boy like Lucas must have given her such incredible relief and hope. in her young mind, that dance was her happily ever after. you never forget how good a moment like that felt, regardless of how well reality lived up to it.

that said. can I point out that reality hasn't lived up to it?

Max choosing the moment lumax began, as opposed to any moment from the year-and-change of its actual contents... might be less good the more you think about it. like. she doesn't describe this as her favorite memory. she says it's the time she was happiest. in other words, she hasn't been as happy before or since.

that kiss marked lumax's moment of greatest potential, which I think is what made Max so happy. not the relationship she's actually gotten so far.

mmkay and then what do I do about the fact Max STILL wants to date Lucas?

once again, Max is the one who makes things overtly romantic by doodling a picture of them holding hands. but as you may know from my recent lumax diatribe, I don't see how the ship is seaworthy at present.

so the top layer of my interpretation is that Max is still operating under the same ideas that caused her to kiss Lucas in the first place. she's not thinking about how it'll work; she just wants. this is fast-forward Max again. it's a similar moment of hope to the snow ball kiss. romance with Lucas once again looks like her lifeline out of an awful situation.

the layer underneath that is less fluffy:

Max might've accepted this invite in as much an "I might die tonight so it won't hurt to make some lighthearted plans for the future, he did just save my life so why hurt his feelings for no reason" way as anything else. I don't mean her affection is fake. she just might consider the movie date a pipe dream.

consider that her attic monologue happens only a couple minutes after the doodle, and shows that her suicidal ideations are barely behind her. like, the wanting-to-die part is just bait at this point I think, but the deserving-to-die sentiment still feels fresh and sincere.

consider that Max so recently scolded Lucas for assuring her things would work out because that's "never true" in her life... and now here she is drawing a doodle of things working out.

sure, this could be a girl who's thinking "yes!!! ✅ Attending Event! I genuinely expect to be alive, deserving of love, and in the mood for romance this Friday!" but to me, it honestly seems more like a girl thinking "God, I wish."

btw the doodle would've been perfect as the advent of romantic lumax, imo

if lumax had grown slowly out of a healthy mutual friendship, Max really could be ready right here.

imagine: s2, Max earns her place in the party, but to grow especially close friends with Lucas takes a year; the bus talk happens in s3. we can tell their friendship is starting to want to become more. depression interferes in s4. but their bond helps pierce the fog, and they protect each other from Vecna/Jason.

you hit me with the movie doodle after THAT buildup? adorable, precious, showstopping. at that point, that date could've been their happily ever after. <- this is what people think it is already!

lumax is one of many flawed relationships (and that's okay)

another sign that lumax is supposed to be flawed is its place in the larger pattern of flawed relationships: parallels with other characters and ships.

Max and El in particular share a similar stumble into their relationships: both bond with the first boy to treat them with kindness, and throw themselves into a relationship that actually costs them the friendship they should've had with that boy.

and all the party relationships illustrate different friendship/romance progressions:

lumax is the story of a romance that should've been a friendship first/also and isn't going to succeed til it gets this right

byler will be the story of a romance that was a friendship first and will succeed by remaining one also (or so the themes and patterns suggest)

mileven is the story of a romance that should've been a friendship instead.

literally all of ST's relationships, including the endgame romances, have flaws that are intentional and meant to be explored. in fact that's like... most of what the show is. and most fans can readily admit that about all of them, until they get to lumax, which they think is uniquely meant to be perfect and is flawed only in its writing. this view strips lumax from its broader context and ignores many lessons it's there to teach us about ST's overarching themes.

understand: my aim in pointing out lumax's flaws is not to persuade anyone to enjoy it less or stop shipping it!

flaws don't mean you aren't allowed to like a thing. if anything, it makes them way more interesting to discuss, and more compelling to root for/against. we don't have to pretend our characters are perfect in order to enjoy, ship, and learn from them.

more on all this coming soon in another post exploring different types of love in the Max plot!

[vampiresbloodx]

Arcane Imagine;

pairings; Vi/reader

Imagine you and Vi moving in together for the first time.

warnings; fluff, established relationship, love sick!vi, more fluff & comfort, arcane au, implied smut reference, teasing, s*xual jokes

a/n; I recently moved <33 so I wanted to write a lil something for vi I can now get back to writing and making silly lil posts because moving is exhausting as fuck lmao

You and Vi have been thinking about moving in together for the longest time, Vi first thought about it when she laid eyes on you when she saw you at the bar

You were with your friends, hanging out, drinks in hand, laughing along with them, she couldn't stop staring at you, how gorgeous you looked that night, how effortlessly beautiful you are to her

She really was a moth that was drawn to the flame

Because randomly, after meeting you, talking to you for a few hours in some bathroom, she was already attached to you, she didn't say it out loud then, it took her ages to actually tell you she has feelings for you

When she did though, it was the best decision she's made, and the one that didn't go to shit

Vi is always by your side, clinging to you, like a lost puppy, it's adorable, you think, as you do the same to her

But when it's just you two, she really let's down her walls and is just completely herself

When there's others around, she puts on that tough act, your very own scary dog privilege

No one can touch you or talk to you in a wrong way, and if someone upsets you, makes you uncomfortable, well they're in for a beating

Vi does not mind getting her knuckles bloody for you

When you brought up the idea of living together in an apartment, even if it wasn't that big and the rent was high, Vi immediately jumped on board

You found it really fucking cute, watching her ramble excitedly about how you two should decorate your room, apartment, she says how you can have your plants in different places, a nice coffee table, a tv, games, you just really liked listening to her talk

Now when you two did the apartment hunting, that was long and slightly boring, having to meet up with strangers to potentially set a deal on your new home, yes, you were both still very excited, and finally, after trying to find the right one, you both found your home

You got what you could afford, and after signing the lease and getting the keys, you were able to officially move in

The moving was stressful, getting everything together, making sure nothing was lost or broken, Vi kept on worrying about her CDs and DVD collection, same with her other collections she has that she didn't want to lose, stuff that she's kept from her childhood, rare items she's found that people have thrown away for some reason and it's actually worth a lot, Vi likes those stuff, she likes finding good things

You like to add to the collections to, when you find things that remind you of Vi

Vi wouldn't show much of her "nerdy" side to anyone else but you had that special spot

There definitely would be Vi making sex jokes, how the new couch would be perfect to try new positions on, or how the bed might not last that long, for that you slapped her playfully on the shoulder, and she laughed hard

She loved teasing you

And will not stop

Vi never really knew she was ever gonna experience this, just that domestic life filled with good moments that will play a huge part in your life for years, and here she was with you, she did not want to let go

Vi was excited about turning this place into a home that shows the both of you, so when they invited people over they would know immediately

She was crazy for you, in the best way possible and you wouldn't have it anyway else

[femdomlieeh]

Wanting your attention (m)

Subby!WayV x Dom!GF!Reader

WARNING—suggestive themes, light angst & crack ✧ use of sex toys ✧ semi-public stuff ✧ light S&M ✧ breath play ✧ degradation ✧ praise ✧ mommy kink ✧ mistress kink ✧ baby boy kink

SONG PLAYING—Phantom ✧ WayV

[A/N.] I wrote and posted this very long ago (on my first book that was deleted by wattpad at 190k reads🥲) and i only re-wrote the scenario for some of the members (i think u can tell lol). I will continue re-writing old posts so u guys have smth to read in the meantime while i try to write new shit😊👌

M.LISTS—wayv ✧ nct u ✧ superm ✧ latest updates ✧ read on wp

钱锟 / 전곤 / Kun

Kun craves attention from his lover but he likes to present himself as someone who doesn't as he's afraid of coming off as clingy and also doesn't want his partner to feel pressured or forced to give him all their attention. Let's say you pay him less attention than usual — you're stuck on the TV or working on your laptop rather than making conversation or cuddling — he may get worried that something had happened or that he's upset you in some way. Rather than being selfish, he would take care of you by making you food or bringing you something to drink or snack on to the table so you don't have to get up when working (he wants you to feel better). Let's say you had been spending more time with or talking to someone else and smiling and laughing a lot more with them than you had done with him this day, he would feel insecure about himself — like do you think he's boring? Do you think you two spend too much time together? Does he lack charisma? He's a bit more mature than the others so he's more likely to talk to you about but will try to sound as not needy for you as possible so you guys can communicate and compromise.

You were watching The Package (great film) on the sofa alone, not asking him if he wanted to join or what movie you two should watch, and he had gained the confidence to sit down next to you and lightly put his chin on your shoulder.

"Are you hungry? Because I can make you something to eat if you want," before you can answer he continues, trying to get you to look him in the eyes, "Or do you want coffee or tea maybe? Iced? Hot?"

"I'm a bit dehydrated actually. Hm hot green tea sounds nice about now."

"Okay, Love. I'm gonna be back soon and you're gonna have the green tea of your life," he felt how his cheeks were flaming by the end of his speech from embarrassment, thinking he sounded too desperate.

"Thank you, Babyboy," you kissed his pink cheek.

He was so happy to make you the cup of tea!

As the relationship progresses I see him continuing doing this, and if your sadistic ass still doesn't give him attention after all the good he does, he'll overanalyse the situation to figure out why he deserves being ignored. Give him a sign you're not upset with him. A quick peck is enough for him to smile. But I also think eventually he'll feel comfortable and confident enough to try to get your attention in less perfect-son-in-law ways (only on occasion if he's tipsy or particularly horny and needs your attention more than usual though). Like he might put his hand on your thigh at a restaurant and move higher and higher until you warn him you'll punish him once you get home.

...✧...✧✧✧✧✧✧

ชิตพล ลี้ชัยพรกุล / 이영흠 / ten

Ten. Is. Shameless. Periodt. He'd do whatever the fuck he wants whenever he wants to get your attention. You'd be quite amazed at how far he'd go to get your focus. Casually stripping off his clothes in front of you when you're trying to work from home? Put your hand on his neck when your talking on the phone? Pull out a vibrator to use without asking for permission? While purposely looking at you with a smirk? Whisper dirty shit in your ear when you're having a dinner with loved ones? He'd do it all. It wouldn't matter how lewd it were as long as he got the attention he desired in the end.

"Damn, this dick is so good, Mistress," he moaned loudly, referring to the dildo he was bouncing on without your permission.

You were trying to ignore his groaning and his sinful stare because the online meeting was still getting wrapped up (you had mic off).

"So damn good, way better than your strap, Mistress," he threw his head back and looked at you with a fucked out expression.

The meeting finally came to an end and you put down the laptop screen and turned to him, "Excuse me?"

His reply was short but powerful, "You're excused."

And that was why his ass was red hours later.

But he isn't a freak all the time! He can be really sweet and adorable if he wants to too. Like he will talk to one of his fat cats and be like "—— isn't giving me all their attention how mean, right?" And then pout with the cat (Idk his cats' names💀) next to his head as I'm giving you kitten eyes. He only acts this way with his partner.

"——, please pay attention to meee~" he whined with his chin on your shoulder, staring at the side of your face longingly.

"What, Baby?" you look at him.

"Do you wanna cuddle or fuck or watch a movie or something?"

He'd never change methods: acting naughty or cute is always successful. He loves all the consequences of acting like a slut to get your attention and whenever he feels super cute he likes to act that way too. I think that as you explore together in the bedroom (kitchen, balcony, bathroom etc) he will want to try exploring outside of your home too — it'll all start with him being very needy from you telling him all the nasty things you want to do to him once you get back home from the party, and he will instead grind up on you or join group conversations and say double entendres that everybody else understands as neutral, normal things to say but that you know he secretly means something dirty. And if you tell him you like that he will continue getting your attention this way. He's so creative he can come up with all types of ways to act nasty. Eating a very inappropriately shaped food (even if it's a fruit) while making eye contact. Dancing sexily in front of anyone. Touch you under the table. Draw something that could be interpreted as sexually explicit and show it to you. Call you Mistress in inappropriate settings when nobody else hear. He loves attention and there's no way you're not giving it to him.

✧...✧...✧✧✧✧✧

董思成 / 동사성 / winwin

Winwin is an angel. He's always obedient and listens to your commands, loving your praise afterwards. But if he sees you talking to someone else and enjoying it a little too much, he might get insecure. He'd want your attention as soon as possible and — since he's not a naughty boy — he'd do something innocent like whisper in your ear and ask you kindly and indirectly to give him some attention too because he'd rather communicate and solve the small issue than overthink it.

"Can you hold my hand?" he asked into your ear so only you could hear him.

A small smile made an appearance on his face when you took his hand in yours.

He looked at the attention-thief who had dared avert your attention away from him, and sent a friendly warning that you were taken.

My Mommy.

If you still didn't give him the attention he wanted, he'd become extremely pouty. Why won't you just give him attention? If he were desperate enough, he'd sit on your lap. But only if he were feeling daring or passionate enough for you to show him some love.

He sighed frustratedly and looked at you before he made his way to sit on your thighs.

You were shocked at the fact that your non-affectionate boyfriend made a move that was bold — in his case even kissing your cheek in public was considered bold.

"Mommy?" he whispered in your ear.

"Yes?"

He looked at you in the eyes, "Can we go home, please? I'm tired and I wanna sleep."

Give him attention! He's a good boy and deserves it! Kiss his hands, cheeks and lips in front of others if necessary. He's your good Babyboy, you should be nice to him. Don't be a meanie :c

✧✧...✧...✧✧✧✧

黄旭熙 / 황욱희 / lucas

Xuxi craves attention, whether it's verbal or physical. He enjoys being called handsome just as much as he enjoys being choked like a bitch. But he hates it if you give some of the attention he's supposed to have to someone else, e.g. if you were to call someone else 'handsome' especially, he'd feel a little butt hurt. He's confident, but he's still capable of feeling jealousy. Although he's jealous, he's still confident he can get your attention back. He's so handsome, how can he not? He wouldn't take it seriously, rather playfully or even silly. There are three key ways it could go:

1. Tease you

"Mami," he whispered darkly into your ear, "I'm hard."

You finally looked at him.

"Can we go and fuck? Please, Mami, I want you to choke me and handcuff me and call me yours."

"We're in public."

"So what? Let's go to the car, I always keep toys there for situations like this one."

"Such a slut."

He smirked, "Oh yes."

2. Confront you

"Talk to me, Mami, not him/her/them."

He whined annoyingly.

"How can you even think of looking at someone else when you have the most handsome boy in the world in front of you?"

3. Flirt with someone else in front of you

"I can play your game too, Mami," he winked before making his way to someone half as good-looking as you.

He didn't cheat, of course, but he managed to frustrate you enough to make him get on his knees for you in just a few minutes.

He's sure of himself and doesn't even feel threatened when you give someone else attention, just a little jealous because he wants you all for himself. He'd think of getting your attention as a fun activity. Like a game where he tries to get you to break from the act and when he does — he never loses this game — you reward him. Victory tastes good.

✧✧✧...✧...✧✧✧

肖德俊 / 소덕준 / xiaojun

姐姐 (jiejie) = older sister

Angel is rarely naughty, but if he's desperate for your attention, he might consider taking that path (not with the goal of having sex but rather just make you look at him or cuddle him or something). He wouldn't do something super naughty, but something bad enough to mildly shock you. His mind would go to something like 'accidentally' or 'innocently' touching you in a place he shouldn't touch you when you're around other people. He'd do it for your attention, and maybe because he'd want other people to see that you're obviously taken.

He looked at you for a second, contemplating whether or not he should put his hand on your inner thigh.

When he heard you laugh at someone's joke, he made up his mind and put his hand there.

You looked down at it and then at his face.

His expression was blank, but you saw right through it and smirked.

"Are you jealous, Prince?"

OR

Xiaojun had been shopping earlier this week and he decided to put on the shirt he liked the most before making his way to you, hoping you'd think he looked good.

"姐姐, I missed you," he hugged you.

"I missed you too, Prince."

He smiled into your neck.

If you still didn't give him the attention he'd hoped for (whether he'd tried to get it by shocking you by being naughty or by acting cute and sweet), he'd get upset since he can get a bit sensitive and sentimental. He really cares for you and your relationship so if you act indifferent at his attempts to get your attention, he'd think that you were questioning his love for you, or his cuteness, or that you were hinting at a breakup. The ache could be too big for him to stay composed, making him go and cry somewhere alone.

He excused himself and left.

Knowing he's sensitive and usually doesn't leave suddenly, you follow him.

When you found him you saw that he had tears in his eyes.

"Baby, what happened?" you asked.

"Why are you acting like I'm invisible. Like I'm not there? Like I'm no one?" his voice cracked and tears feel.

After that one sad incident, he'd expect you to not ignore him in the future since you now know he's vulnerable and gets affected by it. And so if you happen to ignore him like that again — even after the incident — he'd become more of a wreck than last time.

a/n. May or may not publish an angst imagine with this concept since it's been requested in the past...

✧✧✧✧...✧...✧✧

黃冠亨 / 황관형 / hendery

Hendery is a sweetheart. Your attention is always highly appreciated, but it's also expected from you (How can you possibly ignore a loud sunshine?). If you didn't give him his usual amount of attention he'd think you were in a bad mood and thus needed to be brightened up. He'd always be very nice at first and try to impress you with his cute and thoughtful antics, by saying something kind, being caring, giving you something thoughtful or pink.

"Mama, I got us food. Let's watch Netflix," he beamed and held your favorite dish up like it was a prize.

If you didn't return the enthusiasm his big smile would decrease.

But if you pushed it and still didn't give him what he wanted, he'd continue being optimistic and give it another try. If his thoughtful sweetie side didn't work then his energetic crackhead side certainly would. He'd say or act weird or dramatic in order to get you to crack. It's very hard not to smile when he's being his odd, loud self and he knows it; he's a natural born entertainer and uses it to his advantage.

"Throw it back!" he voice cracked out while dancing stupid.

"I shake it off, shake it off—"

"Don't leave me dancing alone. Come on, Mamaaa—" he nagged and tried to drag you to the dance (kitchen) floor.

If you give him what he wants in the end, he'd love to fight for your attention. But if you don't reward him attention, then he'd just feel like you don't fit with him. His personality should be able to gain your attention easily. So if it doesn't then there's clearly something wrong. He'd talk to you about it before making any snap decisions.

✧✧✧✧✧...✧...✧

刘扬扬 / 류양양 / yangyang

Babyboy feeds on your attention, and he will do almost every to have your eyes on him and spend time with him. He can be a jealous person sometimes and he hates that trait. Since he's an idol for SM he can't do anything that will make netizens suspicious of him being in a relationship and because of that you two have to act like you don't know of each others existence. But sometimes you two cross paths in public and this means that you can't look each other in the eyes or talk — which also means that if someone flirts with you or if you're laughing very loudly with an attractive person or fan girl/boy over another idol whilst he's missing you a few meters away, he might get sulky and will act sulky with the WayV members (and they will take care of him of course). And he knows that he's jealous but he will just try to act cute or pouty afterwards with you. If he's in a playful mood, he'd prank you in a mischievous way instead of being a naughty boy like some people. His creativity and sense of humor would come to play and he'd end up laughing at your reaction. Orrr he will act like a freaking brat and find a way to get on your nerves just for the fun and aftermath of it. Like he would randomly try to seduce you by dancing and end up giving you a lap dance or he would call you Mommy when you're talking to someone on the phone. Whether he gets punished or not doesn't matter as long as he wins your attention.

fluffy ver.

"Mommy~" he cooed and put his head in your lap.

"What?"

"My hand is tired of playing with my hair. Can you do it for me instead?"

non-fluffy ver.

A sex song from your playlist (or any song from WayV or 127 lmao) started playing on speakers and when you turned to where the sound came from, you saw Yangyang swaying slowly back and forth to the rhythm of the music, slowly getting closer and closer.

"Focus on me, Mommy~"

He didn’t mind a punishment afterwards<3

He's very needy and horny so he will find many different ways to get your undivided attention or a punishment. He will literally embarrass himself and do aegyo in front of his laughing member (and dye on the inside) just to get you to stop giving Xiaojun all your attention and instead smile and hug your sweet, cute, hot, awesome, sexy, lovely, best boyfriend (or just laugh and humiliate him so he gets hard and begs for you at home).

✧✧✧✧✧✧...✧...

❝ Only you can see the truth, so babе

偽裝臉孔清晰的視線

光影的真理未止息

Fade out, phantom ❞

—

( Only you can see the truth, so babe

Look as if there is no mask

The light of truth was never lost

Fade out, phantom )

—wayv; 2022

[tirfpikachu]

as someone with bpd it sounds like that girl has bpd. I behaved in the exact shitty way with new fps lol

DAMN IT U MIGHT BE RIGHT....... at least bpd-adjacent reactions. i have bpd as well and it took ages for me to grow out of that.

rn she's stuck living with her toxic family and is really isolated, not working or studying, waiting for a big chronic illness-related surgery. and she has a lot of trauma & anxiety & insecurities. she also says she doesn't want therapy cuz she's still living with toxic family, so she doesn't think it'll do much lol even though i told her i do nooot date girls seriously if they have issues unless they're heavily therapized. i feel like she's the type of sapphic who will uhaul VERYYYYY easily, especially to escape her current situation. and i get it bc i've been there. but it's also a suuuuper bad idea. if things continue i know i 100% will have to be firm about her moving into her own place first and doing some growth. i CANNOT have a repeat of what i've been thru in the past... and i've been on both ends. it rarely ends well.

if you've been traumatized and have low self-esteem imo it's always best to have some time to heal on ur own and develop your own strong sense of independence before you add someone else into your living space, or even date. i also wouldn't wanna live w anybody while i still have my senior bunny anyways since she's very messy, and i'm still learning how to juggle chores on my own. my ex did a loooot for me out of love, but honestly it was rly bad for both of us. including me bc i lost important life skills over time and it made things only harder and harder. it was enabling my anxiety & low self-esteem, and they felt bad for me so they weren't setting up boundaries no matter how many times i checked in w them. i refuse to put me or any other girl through that, bc now post-relationship my amt of guilt was/is insane. and it could've all been avoided!!! it's almost never worth it. she's already been kind of oversharing about very personal struggles. i know i share a lot, but i'm just generally like this as a therapized ambivert adhd chick with pretty decent emotional intelligence. and to her it seems like i'm an oasis bc no one else is giving her the very bare minimum. but it's still the BARE MINIMUM. so her gulping down my attention with such desperation makes me go HMMMMM... bc she's clearly not fully in her right mind or stable in her sense of self.

and it actually doesn't make me feel special, it really doesn't make me feel seen. i feel totally replaceable since i'm only giving her what any decent person would, she's just had bad luck. it's kind of... boring? because she's not actually getting to know me, she already has a perfect idea of me in her head and has me on a big piedestal bc i treat her decently. and we haven't even met irl yet, so i'm feeling the pressure building already lmao. she likes the idea of me, not the real me. it's limerence, basically. and this girl has been dating strictly long-distance beforehand afaik, and those are barely relationships the grand majority of the time, if you don't meet irl regularly or haven't spent a very extended amt of time together face-to-face beforehand. she doesn't notice there's endless fish in the sea. i don't want someone to choose me bc she thinks i'm the only option that's gonna come around... i wanna be chosen carefully and weighed against other choices. she's in a dark place in her life and i'm super aware of that, and viewing things critically & keeping my feet on the ground. i don't even know her enough to like her yet lmao... it feels so weird. it's hard, having been on both ends of the stick. but if she expects me to be exclusive before we even meet irl she'll be very disappointed lol... i don't put all my eggs in the limerence basket anymore. those kinds of girls are a bit scary honestly. it's like they see you as a character from a tv show. you're a blorbina not a real person.

i have charming girl swag so i have been a fp endless times... i'm really living up to my heartbreaker jacket hahaaaa 🫠 i don't think i'm gonna even do anything remotely spicy with her until i know she actually knows me and is realistic about this whole thing. i'm into casual too, but this chick would fall a billion times harder and be even more heartbroken if i decide she's not my serious type. i feel like i have a casual type in girls & a more serious type, and she does kinda have potential, but i don't see it as true potential unless the person is stable and secure in herself. otherwise... who tf am i even dating?

[left4sad]

before i start i wanna say this is NOT a zellis or nickro hate post!!! i think both ships are cute but in my l4d world it's hard to pair them for a couple reasons

when it comes to nick being with ro, or any woman that is, it's hard to see it because he's a misogynistic asshole. he does get better throughout the game and id imagine as time went on in the apocalypse, whether they were officially rescued or got stranded again, the shitty parts of his personality would get better

BUT

it is also his personality. we don't know why he is the dirtbag he is.. could be literally anything. shitty parents/raised badly, trauma, hanging with the wrong crowd, etc

now don't get me wrong, nick isn't solely a douchebag. he obviously has positive, redeeming qualities about himself and he truly does care about the other three survivors. as we all know, humans are not one dimensional, so it's entirely possible for him to do a 180

but when you're in your mid 30s, probably been living rough one way or another your whole life, it would be really fucking hard to break out of those negative attributes

rochelle is too good for that. she does not deserve any kind of mistreatment. i will not argue

THIS ALSO GOES FOR NELLIS TOO THOUGH! any pairing with nick would be toxic one way or another honestly

i just feel like.. it would be different with ellis because he is such a ball of sunshine. you throw anything at him, and it bounces right off. he's so oblivious and in his own world, so sweet and caring-- a genuinely good person. i feel like he would be able to balance nick out and chill out his jerk attitude a bit

ellis is not really confrontational and overall does not have a mean bone in his body. hell, in game when nick said he hated him, he responded with "well, i still like you, nick." and because of this, i feel like he would truly be the first person in nick's entire 35 years of life that showed him genuine love, respect, patience, understanding, etc, which in turn would tug on nick's shriveled heartstrings

this doesn't mean that rochelle isn't sweet and wouldn't have the power to change nick for the better. but even tho she is also a genuinely good person, she doesn't take shit from anyone, especially not nick. many times in the game she steps up to him and puts him in his place. i feel like she could love him platonically/in a family type way, but romantically i don't think she could do it. i think it would just exhaust her and quite frankly piss her the fuck off

now when it comes to zoey and ellis, it would work... for a bit. ellis would most definitely treat zoey like a queen and they would have a healthy, loving relationship. however, zoey's personality is kind of going towards the opposite spectrum of ellis'*. she's a little on the brooding side, slightly awkward, and a little quicker than most to get ticked off. of course she has a sense of humor, is sweet, and does care about others. her and i are actually very much alike, and truthfully i don't think i could date a guy like ellis. even though he's damn near perfect for a man, he has a lot of chaotic energy. when you're someone with a lower energy-type personality*, it gets tiring after a while being around high energy people

zoey would more than likely be a homebody, wanting to watch tv and movies, play video games, etc, whereas ellis is your typical country boy-- fishing, hunting, working on cars, riding horses, drinking, doing dangerous and dumb shit with his boys, etc. i feel like after a while zoey would realize she just can't keep up with him, maybe even after a while he would start to even get on her nerves. i also feel like after a while he would think she was boring.. but in reality, they just don't really have much in common when it comes to their lifestyles

*i know you could kinda consider nick being closer to a lower-energy type personality because when he's not being an ass, he is rather quiet and to himself. BUT theres no such thing as a lazy introverted conman lol

*i also feel like it's easier to tolerate the same sex as you. a man annoying another man, or a woman annoying another woman is one thing, but a man annoying a woman is a whole other story lmfao

[devitalise]

HI IMO I SEE UR ONLINE + PLANNING 2 SEND THE BOOK ASK THEREFORE I MUST TRY AND BEAT U TO THE PUNCH HI <3 how did your June reads go!! I see you gave ur Bear thoughts already (haven't watched yet but will return 2 it once I do), but other than that, do you have anything else on your Summer Watch radar?

beating you to the punch does make me giggle i'm sorry babe! june was an interesting reading month! answering early as i'm busy the next couple days and i love sitting down to give my full attention to the

june book wrap up

bonjour tristesse & a certain smile by francois sagan

french coquette-like teenage girls in ""relationships"" with older men, hurting the people around them? snooze! just really disinterested in the story here, and not blown away by the writing sorry

(abandoning the music links i did well to last 5 months but. yeah :))

the atlas six by olivie blake

lol. fanfic writers entering the traditional publishing space would be fine if they remembered that they have to develop characters from scratch. so much telling! not half enough showing to pay off. too large of a cast to be introduced at once and some of it felt so juvenile. i think this is YA though so like. quirky indie romance lead, brooding angry guy 1, nonemphathetic guy 2, egomaniac 3, sad distrustful person. the magic system was so boring to me it was grounded in way too much science for me to find it interesting. do readers really need to know the metaphysics behind being able to see time? no! actually i'd have liked to know something about someone that wasn't "x is like this". yeah a lot to say here.

the country life by rachel cusk

i had to return to a control point of a good book. lovely. Cusk can do it all for me and i think the woman escapes from her city life to fumble around in the country is the perfect subject matter for her. full of so much whimsy, a lot of heart and interesting characters! made me laugh and feel and reading this is in similar weather conditions just added to the sense of delirium towards the end of the book

diary of a film by niven govinden

my kind of book! film maestro travels to italy for a film festival, meets a woman and a story that sticks in his head and is overcome with the desire to commit this to screen. related to this so much, that kind of being swept up in an idea and the urge to put your all into it. had a real slowness to it, too, made a lot of the conversations feel so tender and from a real place of love. great read :)

my father's diet by adrian nathan west

so glad i saw this in a bookshop i wouldn't have come across this otherwise! so cool! if music was a book. i listened to air's moon safari that really contributed to the middle america shopping mall in the 80s vibe. sleepy town kind of feeling. anyways, i tore through this book what it had to say on turning to a physical extreme to make sense of feeling inferior internally. fraught, disjointed parental relationships. bodybuilding! i'd recommend in a heartbeat

i'm currently reading the thief's journal by jean genet and have been for about a week or so. after finishing my father's diet and my general uptick in reading i thought i'd increase my reading goal, but this is going to take me a while to read. it's hard but it's worthwhile.

i haven't really considered much summer watching tbh i'm trying to be outside and doing stuff and going places as much as i possibly can this summer and if i'm ever at home long enough to put a show on it's been reality tv lately. just a girl out in the world this summer!

next read will be #3 in the neapolitan quartet because i remember reading the first this time last year and they're such summer books to me. this feels very long! love the opportunity to wax lyrical <3

[bruhstories]

Dazed and Confused

Summary: You and Connie have been friends for ten years, crushing on each other like a bunch of idiots who can't confess their feelings for one another. Until you go on a trip with your friends. Pairing: Connie Springer x Fem!Reader Warnings & Content: 18+, language, oral sex (female & male receiving), unprotected sex, weed smoking, alcohol consumption, f l u f f Word Count: 4.2 k

A/N: I got so pissed at that last anon that I finished this oneshot quicker lol. @fiaficsxo here it is!

You loved parties. Not the loud music and thick smoke, not the booze and smell of vomit, but your friends. Every time they gathered at someone's place, your heart fluttered, filled with happiness and content and long-lasting memories.

Connie had the brilliant idea of spending a week in the mountains during your spring break, and you wasted an entire night searching for the perfect cottage to rent. Luckily everyone was down with his suggestion, the only problem was how you'd sleep. Historia obviously wanted to share a room with Ymir. Mikasa and Eren were an item now, so they'd have to sleep together. Armin wanted to try his luck with Annie, so no one objected to that. Jean declared that he wanted to bunk with Connie, like the two eligible bachelors they were, and that left you and Sasha to share a room together. You didn't mind it, in all honesty you loved Sasha with all your heart — but you secretly hoped someone would pick up on your feelings for Connie and let you sleep with him. You weren't that lucky.

You packed your bag the night before the trip, obsessively ticking everything on your list and double checking every item and pocket. It was ready, with one item missing — the white lace babydoll smoothed on your dorm bed. You chewed the pen cap, debating whether to bring it with you or not. You bought it for special occasions, but you haven't had a dick appointment in a long time, and you doubted you'd have one this week. With a shrug, you decided to bring it — you never know what might happen. Nighttime passed quickly and you soon found yourself all dolled up, albeit still sleepy from all the tossing and turning, excited to make more memories with your friends.

The train station was packed with people, especially students who went back to their hometowns for the break, and you were relieved to find Armin and Mikasa there. You three were always punctual, followed by Jean and Annie. Eren, Sasha and Connie were always late, which is why you told them the train leaves at 7 am instead of 7:30. It was a dirty strategy, but no one wanted to miss such a fun opportunity because of those lazy fuckers. And lo and behold, they decided to appear at 7:15.

"That was some good thinking." Jean shook his head, hand sympathetically placed on your shoulder.

"I'm only glad you guys rolled with it." You laughed without noticing the way Connie stared at you, and even he didn't understand exactly what he felt. Was he grumpy because he hated morning, or was it Jean's hand on you that irked him?

"It's not polite to stare." Sasha pulled Connie out of his thoughts.

"I wasn't staring, I was looking." Connie rolled his eyes, gripping the handle of his suitcase a bit too tightly.

"I just don't get it why you don't tell her you like her." The girl popped a bubblegum baloon, proceeding to chew it very loudly.

"Are you kidding me? She obviously likes Jean. Look how she's laughing!"

Sasha placed an arm on his shoulder, a sheepish smile on her face. "You, my friend, are a dumbass."

"Takes one to know one."

To say that your friends were loud during the train ride was an understatement. They didn't really care about the nasty glares other passengers shot at them, opting to talk, sing, eat and practically embarrass themselves. But two hours later you arrived, and the fresh, crisp air of the mountains was a blessing. You didn't regret coming, all of you deserved a break after all the exams, studying and all-nighters you guys pulled.

"We could visit the military museum!" Armin suggested, but Connie scrunched his nose.

"We came here to get high, drink and spend time together, why the fuck would we visit some old ass building?"

"I'd like to go to the museum." You awkwardly smiled, earning a 'see?' from the blond. Mikasa, Eren and Annie backed you up, and since it was a democracy, you ended up leaving your bags at the cottage and touring the small town to find the military museum. The building wasn't massive, and inside it was dark, with crimson carpets and dim lights. It was actually quite a romantic atmosphere, had it not been for the weapons and armours displayed in glass cases. Connie watched you intently, taking in every movement, every flinch, every hair tucking, every scrunch of your cute nose. You absorbed the information, hungry for knowledge. This was something you and Connie didn't share — yes, you were down to drinking and smoking, but you were also eager to learn and study, while he always preached how 'you can always retake an exam but you can't relive a party.' He wasn't stupid by any means, but unlike you, Jean, Armin and Mikasa — who alwaysstudied and never skipped lectures — Connie would wing it and somehow end up getting better grades. His strategy didn't always work, and sometimes, when you were in college, he'd ask you to tutor him. Now you were second year undergraduates, and while you were studying different subjects, you still made time for each other.

"That's a nice, uhh..." Connie squinted, "...shotgun."

"It's a musket." You chuckled, your fingers accidentally brushing his as you turned around to face him.

"Shotgun, musket, same thing."

"Actually, muskets are muzzle-loaded and fire a single bullet, but shotguns pack multiple pellets in one shell." You explained. "I'm sorry, you're probably not interested in my ramblings."

"No, no, it's... interesting. I just wasn't expecting you to know so much about guns." He rubbed his nape and smiled at you.

"Well, I do study history, in case you forgot."

"How could I forget that?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" You awkwardly elbowed Connie. Why was it so hard for you to just tell him your feelings? Oh, right, because you've been friends for ten years and if he didn't like you back, it would only ruin a great friendship.

"It means you brag about it so much it's kind of hard to forget." He told you, quickly realising just how insulting that sounded.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that's how you felt..." You sighed, eyes darting back to the weapons.

"No, I didn't- forget it." Connie shook his head. Well played.

Back at the cottage, with enough food and booze to last the group a month, you decided to stay in your room for the rest of the day. It wasn't the first time you had embarrassing moments with Connie, but this particular one made you anxious to be around him. Did he really dislike you that much, or was it just friendly banter? If you were to ask him, you could find out, but every scenario in your head had a bad outcome, so avoiding him for now was the smartest choice. Sasha pleaded with you to spend the evening in the living room with everyone else, but you brushed her off, telling her you weren't feeling quite well.

"Text me if you need anything." She told you before leaving. It was immature to act this way, you knew that all too well, but it wasn't like Connie cared, right? You eventually decided to go downstairs after finishing a long episode of your favourite tv show, your stomach begging for nourishment. As silently as possible, you tiptoed behind the couch. The hallway was dim, the sun had already set, and the only lights were the ones from the wide TV screen in the living room where your friends were watching some corny horror movie. You could cut the suspense and tension with a knife, and when you dropped a teaspoon, everyone jumped.

"Sorry, sorry! It's just me!"

"Jesus Christ, Y/N, you almost gave me a heart attack." Jean got up from the floor and walked behind the couch. "How are you feeling? Sasha said you're ill."

"I'm fine, don't worry." You picked the spoon up and threw it in the sink. "It's just a headache, I'll sleep it off."

"Good, we need you here." The man wrapped an arm around you. "You're missing how Connie's crapping his pants at this shitty movie."

From the outside it would seem like you and Jean were a couple, but the truth was far from it. You two grew up together, his family was friends with your family, and what you had was nothing more than a brother-sister relationship. Jean's little remark earned a disgruntled look from Connie, you quickly picked up on that, and so you playfully jabbed him in the stomach.

"Connie's crapping his pants? You're the one who almost had a heart attack." You grinned.

"Oi, that was only because you dropped your stupid spoon. I was invested in the movie."

"Mhm, sure you were."

"Hey, you sure you don't want to join us?" Mikasa waved at you from the living room. You pondered over her question. Perhaps it wouldn't be too awkward to sit with them.

"Alright, sure, why not?"

"Come, sit next to me." Sasha shuffled to the side, but what she really meant by that was 'sit next to Connie', because she shuffled to the otherside.

The following two nights were surprisingly quiet, all you did was play board games, watch movies and walk around the town taking pictures. The tension between Connie and you seemed to dissipate, and you both forgot the unpleasant interaction you had on the first day. But on the fourth night, that's when shit hit the fan. Annie and Armin left for a date, and Eren and Mikasa wanted to spend the night alone in their room, leaving you, Sasha, Jean and Connie unsupervised, bored and tipsy. There was absolutely nothing good to watch on the TV, and you almost wanted to scream when your friends wanted to play truth or dare. It was one of those games you despised, because the whole point of it was to put the players in uncomfortable situations. And you didn't like being uncomfortable, unlike your friends.

"Jean, truth or dare?" Sasha beamed.

"Dare, duh."

"Alright, I dare you to switch roommates for the rest of the week." She sipped her blackberry cider.

"Okay? So, I'll stay with Y/N, then."

Good lord, if looks could kill, Connie's would annihilate Jean and Sasha off the face of the Earth.

"No, no, you'll stay with me. Y/N will stay with Connie."

"Eh? Why does your dare involve us?" You asked, confused and curious of your friend's proposal.

"Because." She shrugged. "Don't pussy out."

"I'm not pussying out. A dare's a dare." Jean scoffed. "I'm gonna go take my shit in your room and shower."

"Y-yeah, I'll go bring mine, too." You got up, using this time to hyperventilate alone. What the fuck was Sasha even thinking? Was this some stupid joke? But your friends wouldn't harm you, so why would she suggest such a stupid thing?

You took a quick shower before curling up in the bed, blankets covering you from neck to toe. Connie wasn't back yet, and you didn't want to go after him, that would just be odd. You were hoping you'd fall asleep before he returned, to avoid any unnecessary fuss, but just as you closed your eyes, the door opened. Maybe you could pretend you were asleep? He struggled to find his pyjamas in the dark, stumbling over furniture and knocking things down, and you turned the bedside lamp on to ease his search.

"Did I wake you up?" Connie bit his lower lip, and through the dim light you watched the way his grey eyes glistened, the way his short brown hair was ruffled, and how the sage green t-shirt hugged his toned abdomen.

"No, no, 's alright. I wasn't sleeping. I can't exactly fall asleep." You clutched the blanket at your chest as you shook the intrusive thoughts away. Connie was your friend, damn it, there was no room for romance between you.

"I can sleep on the floor if you want."

"Oh, God, no, it's... stiff."

"Um, yeah, it kinda is. Alright then, I'll jump in the shower real quick before going to bed." He stumbled into the bathroom and you really wanted to fall asleep now.

But you couldn't. Every time you closed your eyes, Connie's face popped in your head. So much for resting. You tossed and turned on the mattress, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, but nothing helped. It didn't take long for him to finish his shower, and you mentally chastised yourself for not falling asleep when you felt him shuffle under the same blanket that was covering you. For a minute, you didn't utter a word, you barely breathed, afraid to disturb the silence in the room.

"Are you asleep?"

"Nope." You heard the click of Connie's phone and turned around. You couldn't see him, but you could hear him.

"Do you wanna talk about something? Until we fall asleep, I mean." You suggested.

"Hmm, sure." He turned on his side and you felt his breath fanning over your cheeks. You were too close to him. "Actually, d'you wanna smoke?"

"Aren't the others gonna be mad if we smoke without them?"

"They don't have to know. Besides, you and I never smoked together." Connie was already up, rummaging through his backpack with the flashlight of his phone. "And then we can talk as much as you want."

"Alright, I'm down."

You laid on the floor, your head next to Connie's as you looked at the ceiling, smoke leaving your lips. He took the joint from you, fingers touching yours and you blushed, the haze of the weed melting your worries away.

"Do you want me to skip the song?" Connie asked, and for a moment you forgot there was a song playing.

"No, I like it." You confessed. "I didn't know you liked Led Zeppelin."

"There's lots of things you don't know about me, Y/N." He passed you the joint.

"Okay, tell me something else I don't know."

"I like it when you randomly say historical or scientific facts."

"Didn't you say I brag too much about it?" You took one final drag before you stubbed the joint out in a makeshift ashtray filled with a bit of water. By this point you were high as a kite, every trace of rationality gone.

"That doesn't mean I don't like it." Connie smiled and you could feel it in his voice. "Now you tell me something I don't know about you."

"I can't sleep with open doors. It freaks me out." You sat up, a breeze blowing through the window sending shivers down your spine. "It's a bit cold, do you mind if I close the window?"

"Go ahead."

You got up and picked the ashtray up but before you could close the window, you stumbled over a chest of drawers, the ashes mixed with water spilling over your t-shirt.

"You okay?" He quickly crawled to you, concern written all over his face.

"Yeah, I'm just clumsy." You laughed it off and waved your free hand. "I'll go get changed, I should have a spare shirt."

But you didn't have a spare shirt. All you had was that stupid white babydoll, and anxiety seeped through your veins. You couldn't exactly show up in that in front of your crush. And you didn't want to ask him for a shirt either. Fuck it, what else could you do?

You peeked out the bathroom door and saw Connie back in bed, lazily scrolling through his phone. God, this was embarrassing.

"You look like you've seen a ghost." He laughed, but when your facial expression didn't change, he frowned. "Y/N?"

"Um, so, I didn't have a spare shirt and- Jesus, this is awkward." You opened the door and his eyes widened. "Is it alright if I sleep in this?"

"Oh, I get it now." Connie scoffed.

"Get what?"

"You were hoping you'd share a room with Jean, right?" He sounded almost disgusted.

"Excuse you? Where did you even get that idea?" You slammed the bathroom door shut, arms folded across your chest.

"I'm not stupid, Y/N. I've seen the way you two act. Do yourselves a favour and just fuck already."

You were speechless. Completely reactionless. The weed amplified your anger, but his words brought tears to your eyes.

"You... you fucking asshole! You think I brought this for Jean? I brought it for you!"

"Eh? M-me?" Connie was confused, and you were pissed.

"Yes, you. Jean's like a brother to me, oh my God! Ew!"

"Wait, so you and Jean are not in love with each other?"

"In love?? Connie, how high are you exactly?" You walked closer to the bed, arms still crossed.

"But- Fuck, I am stupid." He shook his head, the memories of you flirting with him flashing before his eyes. "I fucked up, didn't I?"

"A bit..." Your muscles relaxed and you sat on the mattress. "Really, Connie, I... I like you. A lot. But you're always giving me mixed signals."

"That's because I always thought you liked Jean!" He threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"No, you're the only one."

"Huh, guess I've really been dazed and confused."

Calloused fingertips ran across your hips leaving goosebumps in their trail. Your hands roamed his back and the way Connie kissed you was better than any high you've ever experienced. He was touch-starved, and you were just as needy. His knee found its place between your thighs and you moaned when it barely brushed your cunt.

"I've been dreaming for this moment for as long as I can remember." Connie breathed into your neck, the hot breath tickling your skin.

"Me too, you blind bat." You laughed and he turned you over, hovering over you.

"'M sorry I didn't notice quicker." He kissed you again. One hand travelled lower, pushing your underwear to the side before he pushed two fingers between your folds. "Fuck, you're so wet."

"Well, at least now I don't have to finger myself thinking about you." You whimpered with a grin.

"Oh?" Connie arched a brow. "Is that what you've been doing?" He curled up his fingers and you threw your head back with a moan. "I thought you were a prude."

"T-there's lots of things you d-don't know about m-me!" You replied back between oh’sand ah’s, imitating his words from an hour ago. That only earned a sneer from Connie, his head dipping between your thighs. "Wait, what are you do- ooh fuck!"

His tongue lapped at your cunt, fingers pumping in and out of you, and you completely sunk into the mattress, moaning his name over and over again. You gripped the sheets, flexing the muscles in your legs as you squirmed and thrashed. Connie stopped and you almost crushed his skull with your thighs at the empty feeling. He pulled your underwear down and shoved the cotton panties in your mouth.

"Don't wake everyone up, Y/N. You don't want them knowing what a little slut you are, do you?"

You shook your head and Connie went back to circling your clit with his tongue, adrenaline rushing through your entire body with each lick, each suck. Tears of pleasure pooled at your eyes, nose and cheeks red from the thrill of your incoming orgasm. The way he was sloppily eating your pussy and moaning while doing it drove you insane, and within seconds you came undone, thighs trembling with delight. In fact, you were so sore you had to push his head back, begging him to stop so you could return the favour.

"You taste so sweet." Connie licked his lips. You don't know what possessed you to pull him into a kiss after you removed the makeshift gag, but he was right, you were sweet.

"Can I...?" Your eyes drifted down to his twitching cock, your voice soft and quiet.

"You wanna suck it?"

"Yes."

"Later. Right now, I wanna fuck you."

Connie gave you no time to protest, his elbow pushed one of your things to the side, the blushing tip of his cock grazing over your overstimulated clit, up and down your slit. Inch by inch it disappeared into your cunt and he let out a satisfied sigh. You bucked your hips, manicured nails digging into his shoulders with each thrust.

"Shit, you're so fucking tight!" Connie growled, head lowering to kiss you. You could still taste yourself on his lips and that only made you clench your spongy walls around his cock. That seemed to please him, because he rocked his hips harder and faster. "You like it?"

"Oh, God, yes!" You gasped, beads of sweat forming on your forehead as you clawed his back.

"Fuck, I want you to ride me." He gripped your hips tighter and turned you over. You tried your best to get in the new position without letting his cock slip out of you, and when you finally adjusted yourself, it was a whole new challenge. Gravity pulled you down, and his tip brushed your cervix, your eyes squinting at the slight pain. "If it hurts, stop-"

"No!" You cried out, your hands resting on his chest. You bounced up and down, the uncomfortable feeling slowly replaced with pleasure. Connie's hands traced your thighs as you rode him, another wave of heat flushing through your core. His palm met your cunt, thumb circling over your clit. "I can't c-come again!"

"Yes, you can. And you will cream on my cock."

The disgust words worked like magic and you flexed your thighs, bouncing faster, head thrown back, hair cascading down your back. "You're so beautiful, Y/N."

"Connie, I-" The words stopped in your throat, the pressure too much for you to handle.

"You what?"

"I'm- oh, God!"

"Atta girl!" He praised you when he felt your silken walls relaxing and your thighs quaking. The second orgasm was so intense you let yourself fall over his chest, dizzy and tired. You thought he'd give you a break, but Connie wrapped an arm around your back, holding you in place before giving your oversensitive cunt a few more thrusts. "Now you can return the favour."

You mustered up some strength to get up and kneel in front of the bed, between his legs.

"Please don't come in my mouth." You asked him before wrapping your pretty lips around his cock.

"Gotchaah-" Connie choked on his words when he felt himself in your hot mouth. You bobbed your head up and down, cheeks hollowed and eyes on him. You didn't break eye contact when you pulled away and spat on the tip, hand pumping his cock to smear the spit. "Hot." He mumbled before you went back to sucking. You felt the throbbing, tightening your lips around him and picking up the pace. "Y/N-"

It all happened in a flash — Connie yanked your hair and pulled your head back, thick ropes of milky white cum shooting all over your face and neck.

"Eew!" You scrunched your nose, hand under your chin to stop it from dripping down the floor.

"What do you mean ew? That's, like, a billion kids!"

"Actually, a fertile man produces around-"

"Don't start. Do not." He pressed his index finger over your lips. "Let's get you cleaned up."

You woke up sore, especially between your thighs, but damn, was it worth it. Connie wrapped an arm around your waist, mumbling something about how pretty you are, but you assumed he was still sleeping — or still high. The sun shone through the blinds and you squinted, annoyed by the brightness, and so you turned around, watching the way your crush snored peacefully.

"Cute." You smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead, waking him up. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"Why?" Connie rubbed his eyes. "Waking up to you is a blessing."

You couldn't hide the tinting of your cheeks and the grin on your lips. "I didn't think you were the romantic type."

"There's lots of things-"

"I don't know about you. But I'd like to know those things. If you let me, of course." You bit your lower lip, eyes filled with hope.

"Can I be your boyfriend?" He sat up, his eyes serious.

"I thought you'd never ask."

Okay, so maybe Sasha knew a thing or two when she dared Jean to switch roommates.

You walked into the kitchen after getting ready for the day, with Connie following behind you. Everyone was eating their breakfast, and Jean instantly dashed to you.

"Connie, bro, take me back. Sasha's leaving crumbs all over the bed! I can't sleep like that!"

"I can't, man, I wanna spend the rest of the week with my girlfriend." He sneered and you elbowed him.

"I forgot to mention Jean's overprotecti-"

"Your what? Hands off my sister from another mister, you creep!"

"Creep? You're the one who was sexting someone's sister last night." Sasha chimed in, mouth full of cereal.

"Thanks, Sash." Jean rolled his eyes. "For real, how did this happen?"

"You see, mate, when a man and a woman love each other-"

"Nope. I will not hear this."

[broimjustagirl]

My Rant About Siege and Storm (Spoilers)

(Re-posts/re-blogs are allowed)

*please don't hurt me, I promise I am actually a decent and kind person in real life*

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED READING 'SIEGE AND STORM'. CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS INCLUDED, NOT INTENDED TO HURT ANYONE, DO NOT HATE IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ME. THESE ARE JUST PERSONAL OPINIONS. (Book 2 of the Shadow and Bone Trilogy) If you do, do not blame me for spoiling the book. If you have only watched the TV show, you might want to skip this as well, anyways, *cough*, let me begin!

FIRST OF ALL; the beginning from around the start to page 300-ish was literally so boring. Except for Nikolai of course, Nikolai is king. Also, I am not anti-Malina, but come on, some of the scenes made me cringe so hard. You got to admit, some of the Malina scenes were cringy and unoriginal.

Also, why was Mal so insecure about his relationship with Alina? Why doesn't he trust Alina enough to know that she would never cheat on him with Nikolai? (though if I were her, I would 100% choose Nikolai, not gonna lie) Mal obviously feels threatened by Nikolai (why wouldn't he? Not to hate on him) even though Mal and Nikolai's alter persona Sturmhond were literally friends. Mal obviously doesn't trust Alina, which to me is a red flag.

ANOTHER RED FLAG (in my opinion, don't hate) was the fact that he started drinking SO BADLY and STARTED SEEING ZOYA, though I have to admit that he and Alina weren't really a thing at that point, but still.

Alina has also really started to annoy me, starting at the point when she threatened Zoya. Yes, Zoya was rude to her, but why don't you believe Zoya when she said that she lost LITERAL FAMILY because of the Darkling. Why did Alina question her? She could see that Zoya was about to cry, but still decided to throw her off. I sided with Mal when he said that Alina was threatening Zoya and SHE LIKED IT. THE FRICK ALINA?

Alina is powerful, and a great main character, but she's starting to be arrogant. Seriously. (I know I was pretty arrogant as a kid, hell, I thought I was smart when I was 9 because I knew what the word 'vital' meant) But it was obvious that Zoya was super hurt, and though Alina did regret some things she said, why didn't she feel a lot empathy for her, even if Zoya was rude to me, I wouldn't continue to threaten her to leave the only home she has left. Losing family is super painful, and though I'm rude sometimes, I would never be rude someone who had just lost an aunt and a niece in a betrayal of someone she trusted (AKA the toxic Darkling, I LIKED YOU, BUT YOU CROSSED THE LINE DUDE)

Anyway, after those 300 boring pages of the Darkling teleporting like a superhero and being a legit stalker (Except for Nikolai, I love you Nikolai) THE DARKLING FREAKING ATTACKS THE LITTLE PALACE (Yes, I read spoilers about this. Yes, I was still surprised. Yes, I feel the same as when I read the Hunger Games for the first time, it's that painful)

BUT THE THING THAT ANNOYED ME THE MOST WAS WHEN ALINA WAS ALL LIKE:

'oooh Mal, i love you so much, i've always loved, *kiss here*, *kiss your jawline like a weirdo*, i kiss this, i kiss that. i've loved you forever'

AND THEN SHE'S LIKE:

'ooh darkling, let me kiss you and play with your hair, yasssssss. you're my king aleksander.' (WAIT A MINUTE, I'M CONTINUING TO READ THAT PAGE BECAUSE I PUT IT DOWN AFTER SHE KISSED THE DARKLING TO CALM MYSELF, AND WHAT THE FRICK IS HAPPENING. WHY IS THIS BOOK SO CONFUSING)

BUT DAVID HELPING GENYA WAS SO FREAKING SWEET. GENYA IS A LITERAL QUEEN.

I guess I have a problem with literally hating every single main character (Except Percy Jackson, perhaps I'm biased because PJO was the first fandom I was ever part of) like Katniss (She's a little negative and pessimistic no offense) and many protagonists from lesser-known novels. BUT ALINA, YOU GET ON MY NERVES. No offense once again. I can't name all the times she annoyed me, but trust me, there are lots.

AND YES, I STARTED GASPING WHEN NIKOLAI AND ZOYA HAD THEIR FIRST INTERACTION. YES, I KNOW ABOUT ZOYALAI EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T EVEN READ RULE OF WOLVES YET. I haven't even read up to the part where Zoyalai is canon, but I've read enough of Nikolai's Grishaverse Fandom Page to know that Zoyalai is literally perfect. Come one, sort of a reckless little idiot and a stern-minded ambitious queen, PERFECT MATCH. OH MY GODS, I'M FANGIRLING OVER A THING I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THAT MUCH OF.

I think Zoya was saying something and Nikolai said something to her during a war meeting and IT WAS SO EXCITING FOR ME EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS THE ONLY INTERACTION THEY HAVE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

But whenever the Grishaverse fandom mentions how toxic the Darkling is (I've just realized after reading Siege and Storm and watching the SAB TV show) they're just like:

'Mal is boring and has no personality'. GURL, THAT'S TRUE AT SOME POINTS, MAL INFURIATES ME MOST OF THE TIME, I did ship Darklina at some point, but come on, it's still pretty toxic, but it was good for a short-term relationship, but long-term....eh, nope. I've come to the point where I have to accept the fact that everyone has different opinions, so if you ship Darklina, ship it. But also realize that the Darkling was super toxic, especially when he killed the innocent people of Novokribirsk. Otherwise, I'll read some Darklina wattpad fan-fics on Wattpad. It's nice to be neutral.

Anyways, I've suddenly realized that people are getting bored of my rant because this is so freaking long, thank you for baring with me. I await the toxic and hate comments for my controversial opinions

Countess of Cats

Inferni - OUT!