#amirah overshares

[amirahiddleston]

he died two days ago but it feels like a year since ive seen him

[murswrites]

Honestly it doesn’t matter if you become Muslim or not, you could do a lot of research about your Arabic background and someday visit. If you grew up a different religion (or no religion) then it might be hard to change your beliefs and convert to Muslim? This is coming from a non Muslim person so I apologize if anything I said is ignorant

(btw it’s not arabic as arabic is a language, arab is the right word as that’s the ethnicity, but don't worry i had to unteach myself as well lol)

i’ve done probably less than minimal research (ive been doing more lately) tbh considering that i want to know more, im just a vry lazy person by nature so it takes me a while to finally do something.

and idk if i ever mentioned it but my biological father took me to yemen when i was a child! i still remember some things (not much tho) so its nice to be able to say i visited yemen before.

the household ive grown up in isn't religious at all, like we stopped going to church because they began asking for a hell of a lot of money and we were WAY too poor to be giving that much.

i do think it would be hard for me to like, fully accept the religion but ik of some muslims who are vry chill about it and just follow haram (haram is things prohibited by islamic law, like eating pork or getting tattoos) and the celebrations w/o praying five times a day because i think what a religion means to each person is a vry personal thing.

(also reminder ive only like read a few things so im not like All-Knowing when it comes to being muslim)

esp because muslims believe that one persons relationship to allah (the Islamic god) is very very specific to that one person. from what ive read, there are no priests interpreting the quran (the Islamic bible), each person takes what they want from the text and applies it how they see fit for themselves.

a lot of my arab family members are muslim and ive learned a bit from them in terms of the traditions and haram but ik my dad wont like allow it since he's vry racist (or ignorant im still deciding) when it comes to middle eastern people and has already belittled me for being more interested in my ethnic background. :’)

you didn't sound ignorant lmao but thank u for giving me a reason to just ramble one

[amirahiddleston]

every time i bring it up and my dad dismisses it even tho im p sure that adhd is something you get from thy parents (who am i shakespeare?? anyways) and one of my siblings has it so im like “why wont u fucking listen to me sir i cannot do anything” and i tell him im always focusing on the wrong things. like my grades are okay becus i force myself to work (and cheat but who cares this year was a TRAINWRECK) because i am Terrified of failure <3 and yes my parents are dumb lmaooo (for not seeing the very simply drawn fucking map saying “your child probably has adhd)

i think my parents dont believe i have it becus ive always been a good student (before i got my first phone that is,,,) and ive never rly been that “hyperactive” since i spent a lot of time alone because i have three older brothers as siblings, like why would they wanna hang out with their little sister, right? even tho when i was younger (and now lmao) i struggled with focusing on the task on hand (usually cleaning my room since i was HORRIBLE at organization and still am to This Day)

rgujbeuifbneruigre anyways i feel like i said too much bye

me looking thru your "i am untranslatable" tag like :0 but whenever i bring it up to the parents theyre like "u dont have adhd, youre just looking into things" when my brother... deadass has adhd... like yall we were both the gifted children, theres SOMETHING HERE

parents are dumb as hell i’m just gonna say it lol

[maybanksslut]

hey bestie, heard u were confuzzled abt ur sexuality. same. ive identified as bisexual since i was 13. i think hearing other peoples experiences helps to open your own eyes toward yourself so heres how my view on my preferences has changed over the last 4 yrs. at first i was vry put off at the thought of ever being with a girl sexually, idk it was probably internalized homophobia or a trauma response or the fact that i hated how my body looked. but as the years passed, the more comfortable i became with the side of me thats attracted to women. i used to have a heavy preference for men which why wouldnt i? i was one of those girls who imagined getting married n having a cute lil house with kids n shit. but as i became more comfy with my attraction to women, i began to find more unconventional beauties in men. i still can name more men i find attractive than women which is odd lmao. but my preferences have changed so much over the years and over one day it can completely turn upside down. and dont worry if youre confused and choose to identify as something else but realize youre straight in the end. your journey is only your business so take whichever roads you need to find yourself babes. i hope this oversharing helps you <3 im here if u need someone to talk too :))

i think I'll just take my time, and not put a label on anything just yet. also thank for caring so mucha Nd actuallys ending in this ask, I really appreciate it, Amirah <33 lots of love to you xx

[retvenkos]

for the no context ships can i get one for the witcher? im bi so go crazy go stupid 🤪 some ??? things about me include

falling 15 ft out of a tree when i was like 7 bc i climbed it in flats even tho my dad said not too and the fact that i landed in the ONE spot clear of anything that could have punctured me has solidified my thoughts of me having terribly good luck

landing on the metal ball things ppl put on vehicles to pull trailers behind them with and getting a black eye to the point where my teacher thought my brothers hurt me?

when i was 12 i tripped on my combat boot laces bc i didnt have enough time to tie them and hit my head on the bus steps and now have a scar exactly 1 cm long and according to the doctor had it been any closer, id have issues with my eye (my right eye is literally worse than my left lmao)

in recent years ive tripped up stairs very gracefully

whenever id fall over in school id always manage to catch myself

one time when i was running out of class i rammed into another person and ended up being thrown into the lockers. all i remember was not being able to move and crying even though i was trying to talk. i didnt get any medical attention for it either

during my freshman yr i had a crush on this cute nerdy boy and convinced a friend of mine to give him a note i wrote and not to listen to me no matter how much i asked them not to give it to him. i watched him read it before banging my head on the table bc i was so embarrassed.

i found out my boy bestie liked me right before we got into quarantine and used covid to ghost him for eight months before wishing him a happy birthday.

uhhh i overshared to my teacher abt le mental illness so now hes always asking if im alright and checking in via email. its nice but i feel like such a chump

dis one isnt rly random kinda sad tbh. i never let myself truly feel any genuine emotion bc when i was younger nobody validated them so i deadass ALWAYS invalidate my feelings before anyone else gets a chance to and its such a whiplashy feeling??

ha i feel like i went in too much but there ya go, an auto biography exposing me for how mf clumsy i am

hey, hey, amirah? you deserve the world,,,,, sadly, tho,,,,,,, the world keeps giving it to you,,,,,, 

my attempts at jokes suck, but MOVING ON,,,, i am setting you up with the one and only yennefer of vengerberg because there is something about the elegant one falling for the clumsy one that i adore,,,,,,,,,, plus i feel like the two of you would really just vibe and have a friends to lovers storyline going on,,,,,,,,,

[amirahiddleston]

had a thought yesterday abt how i feel like im faking what i think has been depression just bc im not thinking abt dying. like i think until yesterday in my head s*icidal thoughts were REQUIRED to be depressed or burnt out or whatever but it hit me that they arent? i dont want to DIE i want to REST and recover... and it honestly made me feel a lot better for feeling this way.

[amirahiddleston]

rant under the cut, it’s just me talking to myself about my mental illness <3

i really need to get my parents to take me to the doctors or find me a physiatrist or something bc i’m pretty sure being tired 24/7 isn't normal. but at the same time, the more aware i am of my possible mental illness (depression to be Specific), the more i think i am faking it. **i know what triggered this one, i know what triggered the one i had when i was 13. but both times i didn't have any help from my parents. this time, my dad is aware, but hasn't offered any help.

i just want to be able to function again, i want to focus in school, wake up at “appropriate” time, eat regularly, shower frequently, be stress free for even a millisecond, i’m so tired of being tired that i just need a break.

but at the same time, whatever is plaguing me has made me take a break, it’s made me neglect myself, my work, my passions to the point where i don’t feel like i deserve a break, because i’ve been doing absolutely nothing. i haven’t been to a full day of school in two months, i haven’t woken up before 7 am and gone to sleep before 10 pm in over four months...

i want to say i deserve a break, that i deserve some lenience, but no one notices my struggles. i’m holed up in my room for hours that i hardly see the light of day, i spend all my time switching between three different tabs hoping to get something done so i feel adequate enough to say i did school that day.

and i feel like such an idiot for even taking the time to type this out but i truly have nowhere else to vent. i don’t trust my parents to take me seriously, i don’t trust my brothers to even listen, i don’t trust that my best friend can handle my issues on top of her own. i don’t even trust my fucking self to keep this inside because i can’t keep my mouth shut.

i know it may seem i’m ranting for pity or attention and maybe, subconsciously i am, but honestly once i’m better i could look back on this... and maybe once i get better i will have people who love and support me... maybe i will laugh at how alone i feel right now and that thought comforts me.

i just need to say these words so i can let them go... and maybe fight through this depression or whatever it is that i’m going through so i can finish what needs to be finished. so i can live my life without finding waking up the hardest thing to do all day... if you read all of this, 1) thanks 2) have a virtual hug <3

** in january i tried to get my parents to take me to get tested for adhd since i firmly believe i have it (it even runs in the family) but my dad blew up on me and i’m 99% sure it’s what triggered this eternal fog :’)

[amirahiddleston]

i think the reason im like all of a sudden mentally unwell is because not only am I invalidating my feelings of having any mental illnesses, but when i got to my parents THEY do it too. like my dad wants to know “why all of a sudden” and its because i had to tell myself over and over again that im not faking, that im not looking for attention, but then ASKING FOR HELP MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IM LOOKING FOR ATTENTION

and honestly after him telling me i 100% dont have adhd even tho i think i might has just fucking tired me out. ig ill just wait till i can gtfo of here and go to the doctors myself since my parents dont fucking care*

* i think theyve given up tbh since im the youngest and once im gone that #offthehook 

[amirahiddleston]

me: *leaves my coca cola in the freezer too long so it bubbles and is ice cold, leaving my hands shaking* whatever can i do about this?

also me: *remembers that my dad used to drink a lot and has those little drink coogies or cloth holders* warmth <3

[amirahiddleston]

guess whos making a slideshow of why my parents should listen to me when i say i have adhd? me its me <3

[amirahiddleston]

when u ask to get tested for adhd and your parents yell at you that you can focus on stuff because your brothers used to get shitty grades because of their adhd even tho you thought only one of them had it but apparently its more common than you thought and then your mom says you only want to take pills and when you say its serious they dont care 😌

[amirahiddleston]

HOW TO UNSEND AN EMAIL I OVERSHARED TO MY TEACHER

[amirahiddleston]

okay i lied, lets do a quick rundown of this yr bc its been shit <3

beginning of jan: i bring up to the parents that i think i have adhd, it does not go over well, but my stubborness is not yet deterred (YET)

mid jan: i made a slideshow explaining why i might have adhd and why i think i have it with the plan to show it to my father, he walks in as i am finishing it and asks why im suddening thinking i have adhd

i say its not all of a sudden (ive suspected for years since one of my brothers has it) and that ive thought for a while but never said a word since he never listens to me

things are said then he's yelling at me to stop looking into things and trying to be different (same thing he said when i came out so -3 points for unoriginality)

this reaction to me being vulnerable and open triggers this depression ive been in since then. its horrible.

around a week or two ago: my ela teacher tells my mom i havent been going to class (i cant wake up before 10 am idk why) and my mom and dad both yell at me (classic <3) but they dont do anything abt my sleep schedule

a week ago: i begin telling my dad ive been depressed and that hes the reason for it, hes really understanding. we talk about it, i ask if he can convince my mother to take me to the doctors so i can talk abt my physical pain and my mental health; he doesnt answer (which means no basically)

now my parents are waking me up regularly and pissing me off in the process bc my brain doesnt shut down until 1 am at the earliest

yesterday, feb 24: the day was going well, even if i missed my classes. i did some work so yea. i went with my dad for the second half of day to join him while he worked and it was fun, we stopped and got snacks at a gas station, talked some more abt my mental health and how he probably has anxiety like i do lol

then for some reason, when we got home he kinda switched up? he found me in my room watching psychology tiktoks on youtube bc im not allowed to have the app lmaoo and yelled at me. i switched to watch something different.

later that night, ig he called my name and i didnt hear him. my brother opened my door so i went to see my dad. hes sitting on the couch and asks if i lit the furnace in the garage for the dogs since its cold. i didnt hear him ask me that, he says i was looking right at him

and i go "i literally have no recollection of you asking me to do so"

and he says "quit acting fucking stupid and watching those videos, youre filling your head with shit" which fair i guess, youre unoriginal though so -5 points. then he threatens to cut of the internet to my computer, rendering it useless.

i light the furnace, (cry a little with the dogs) do my chores and shower then sleep. (i didnt make coffee tho bc i was feeling petty)

today aka feb 25, ~ 8:30 am: im working on school and my dad keeps coming in over my shoulder, he wont shut the door

and then when im in second period, he asks to see my mouse and clicks on one of the tabs thats for the cdc symptoms of adhd, he then blows the fuck up. i start crying he says hell fucking slap me if i backtalk and im like "im not but go off ig" and he yells at me for crying. if i recall correctly he said "you better knock it off"

i tell him being mean wont make me happy but he does not care, nor listen.

says that hes going to take my door off the hinges, turn off my internet and all that jazz. this throws me into panic mode and so i delete snapchat, tumblr, wattpad, and tiktok off my phone so if he takes it, theres nothing incriminating. (aka talking abt my toxic home life)

and for the next like two hours he keeps coming in and out of my room, questioning me on what im doing

then he leaves until maybe 11 ish bc im still in class. hes less angry, hes trying to make conversation but im over it. he leaves again for work. by the time he returns im in bed bc im done with school and he has the audacity to ask me why im "so happy" BITCH-

i say nothing really, that im tired, the usual. he leaves once more after asking me what im doing on my phone, i was coloring. theres more but im outta room whatever bye <3

hmmmm i really wanna overshare but ima keep it to myself

[amirahiddleston]

I posted 4,835 times in 2021

230 posts created (5%)

4605 posts reblogged (95%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 20.0 posts.

I added 156 tags in 2021

#amirah talks - 105 posts

#adhd tag - 14 posts

#amirah overshares - 7 posts

#hmm - 6 posts

#asks - 5 posts

#amirah answers - 5 posts

#long post - 4 posts

#nftumblcryptids - 4 posts

#my face - 3 posts

#murs rambles - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#i dont mind gendered terms tbh! my favorite “nickname” is literally girl fsdikfhskfdfdk idk when the gays use girl it feels gender neutral

My Top Posts in 2021

#4

same energy

15 notes • Posted 2021-03-25 01:27:57 GMT

#3

a bestie posted their face so have mine 😩

#2

take my uquiz coward

34 notes • Posted 2021-03-19 02:08:38 GMT

#1

you want to be pretty like the beauty standard and i want to be pretty like cillian murphy in breakfast on pluto, we are not the same person bestie <3

75 notes • Posted 2021-04-09 05:57:51 GMT

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